#and this is why karen and david need to chat

[louferrignojrofficial]

When people say that Bucktommy in particular was written shitty this season and that means that the show/writers aren’t interested in them/doesn’t care what happens with them……I think every single relationship whether romantic or platonic or familial was written shitty this season.

- Bathena outside of (0803, 0811 and 0815) barely acted like they were married this season like the writers felt like they barely paired them up together in comparison to previous season.

- Madney had their moments but again the writers fumbled writing them as many scenes together as a married couple should have.

- Henren only had like three prominent episodes together and two of them was them fighting.

- Eddie and Chris we all know how badly they fumbled that storyline.

- Firefam felt more like strangers than a family with them cutting out iconic moments like the fire station meals and chats in the engine.

This was just not a very good season in terms of writing for any of the characters outside of a few episodes. As well for people saying that they wrote more for Bucktaylor, most of their scenes together was during Kristen’s time as showrunner and then both JLH and Jenny were missing from many episodes and they needed other characters to fill the screentime. Again I think people place way too high expectations on bucktommy and then jump to conclusions as to why it means the show is done with them.

it really was. and when you think about bucktommy in comparison with hen and karen or michael and david through the whole show, it’s not much better. like none of the couples in this show get really good stories but especially not in this season aside from bathena towards the start of the season and at the end. other than that, it’s just 😑

[bellamyblcke]

its so fascinating bc punisher s1 really clearly lays out how frank views relationships and it is insane. he’s really dismissive of the idea of casual relationships (you and your women to billy) so someone either is family (thus ensuring full and eternal commitment) or there is no romantic interest. this is why the idea of doing anything with sarah is so repugnant to him (he clearly says to david i would only ever be with my wife thats why i dont want your wife). which is why when he clearly does have romantic feelings for karen even though they arent in a romantic relationship he categorizes her as wife/family/etc. of course she has no idea that he feels this way as he never expresses it to her (except to say my family is gone which is why you must be safe which is in his eyes a sort of confession (at least of his ideology)). and hes so consumed with vengeance and admittedly terrified of returning home from war (and with everything we see of him home would be family which canonically is karen) that he is completely unwilling to be around her unless its to keep her safe for some future he hasnt even allowed himself to imagine. and its aggravating bc karen! like always! believes she is the one who cares the most! and why would she suspect hes telling ppl shes his wife when theyve never even kissed! bc thats insane!

[ellieoes]

Light a candle

I can’t remember the first time I ever heard of this thing called a blog. I know it was many many moons ago.  I never thought it was for me.  I mean, I lived an entirely ordinary life and always seemed to say what I always thought were the wrong words and even if they were the right words, I didn’t have much to say and was always worried that I would say something that might offend someone or just plain old sound stupid. So, go easy on me ok?

I sit here this morning writing this because I just read my dear friend’s final entry in his own blog. He started his blog ‘oldbutnotyetwise’ 9 years ago. And I just learned of it last year when I reconnected with him. I've read every one of his posts including his last... his self-authored obituary. His last piece of advice - "Don't keep putting things off until tomorrow, because sometimes tomorrow doesn't come." Advice well taken my friend, wish me luck (I can see you smiling with that smirky smirk ;-)

Life is a funny and wondrous thing and often very challenging thing. It takes you on little side trips that seemingly don’t make sense and move you in different directions that you never thought you’d move in. And then, all of a sudden, all of the tumblers fall into place and it makes sense. Sometimes painfully so.

My friend Suzanne suggested I meet David. My marriage was in its final throes and I needed a male perspective. So we met. I liked him. Instantly. We talked as if we’d know eachother for many years. And he was delightful. He was a gentle giant who listened so intently and then asked you the most thought provoking and revealing questions to help you better understand and come to your own conclusions about whatever you were uncertain about.

Not long after we met, we were chatting one night about Sue’s birthday coming up and were trying to figure out something special we could do for her. Well, a visit to Winnipeg in December with -40 celsuis degree temps (well maybe it was -20 but it sure felt like -40!) with an almost stranger wasn’t what I was thinking but somehow, he convinced me that it was a great idea and before you knew it, we were off! We became great friends and, for reasons I won’t explain here and certainly not through any fault of his, we communicated only once a year (when he’d sent me a birthday text or email). He did so every year for almost 8.  

Fast forward to June 2023.  I read a facebook post of David’s that had me concerned.  Robin (his beautiful wife) and he were leaving their dream property in Nipissing and moving to Cambridge. When I asked him why, he told me something that took my breath away much like a gut punch would.  He had been diagnosed with ALS.

ALS.

At that time, I was enveloped in taking care of my 93 year old mom. She had Alzheimer’s, couldn’t speak or walk or later even eat. It was a terrible time and a horrible death.  Still, she was surrounded with love and our family did all that we could to let her know how much she was loved. But more on that maybe in another post.

I suppose I tell you this because I’m trying to find a reason why I didn’t fully enter back into David’s life until about October/November.

My friend Dana had once brought me a meal when I lost either my brother or my sister (sorry, can’t remember which) and then my friend Karen did the same when I lost my mom. I can’t tell you how much their thoughtfulness meant to me and how grateful I am to this day for their kindness. So, I was determined that this is what I would do for David and his wife.

He suggested I watch Tuesdays with Morrie - a movie about a man with ALS. I did and promptly asked David if we could be Tuesday people.  Well, it wasn’t every Tuesday and it wasn’t always Tuesdays but as much as his schedule and mine permitted, I would bring a meal for the three of us to share. It was a very special time for which I would be eternally grateful. We would eat and talk and enjoy eachother’s company. Often times David and I would take their ever-so-sweet Australian Shepherd named Kiwi for a walk around the neighborhood. David in his $30,000 wheelchair that seemingly did everything but make you dinner ;-)

It was on these walks that we had our deepest talks. Sometimes about what was to come and the inevitable outcome of ALS; sometimes about love and relationships; sometimes about favourite books and movies.  His favourite author was Robert James Waller.  One of his favourite movies was based on his book, The Bridges of Madison County. Other movies he loved were Life Itself and Boyhood. I’ve watched them all now and thoroughly enjoyed every one of them. I felt that by watching them, I would know David better.

He loved the natural world. He loved the paradise that Robin and he called home in Nipissing. He loved his dogs, every one of them. He loved his friends. He loved Chicken Parmigiana, Lasagna, Butter Tarts (without coconut), Boston Cream pie and, given he had a second helping, he at least liked my Goulash.

But most of all, he loved Robin. Oh how my heart aches at the thought of the beautiful, deep and pure love that they shared. It was the stuff of books and movies. It was the real deal. Even with thoughts of all the challenges of ALS and his imminent death, the one thing that brought him to tears and made him hurt the most was the thought of having to leave his beloved Robin. He didn't want to. If he could, he would have moved heaven and earth just to be able to stay by her side. And I know Robin would have as well.

Robin is an unexpected gift in all of this. She is incredibly kind and funny and sweet and truly beautiful. She is strong and courageous and so loyally and steadfastly took care of David until his last day. Though she had done so much - had given everything to David so that his dignity would be protected, his spirit supported and his heart filled with her love - she was still worried that she hadn't done enough and that she made a few mistakes. Robin, you don't know how incredible you are and what a gift you gave him. You are a hero in every sense of the word. I love you for everything you did for David and for how much you loved and protected and helped him. You were his everything and it's so clear why. I'm so grateful we connected and look forward to many more years of friendship if you'll have me.

The most heartwrenching text I've ever received from anyone was from David. It was his final text.

At 9:38pm on Thursday, May 23rd, 2024 he wrote:

"Light a candle at 10:00 tonight, I love you."

His time had come. I wrote him back. I didn't know if he'd read my text until the 25th. Robin told me he had. She also told me that he wanted his celebration of life to be on June 2nd so I could attend. These final gifts of his are indescribably important to me and have touched me so deeply.

He meant so much to me. And he gave me so much. Winnipeg, Justin Hines (especially "Say what you will"), little surprises like dessert from Bread Bar, an Ethopian restaurant, a little mom-and-pop italian restaurant, sushi, a beautiful hand-turned pen that he made himself, a book by Jann Arden. He gave me permission and encouragement to try things; to get out of my comfort zone; to believe in myself and even to love myself (because there was a time when I couldn't do either because of who I'd become and the ones that I'd hurt); to forgive myself; to accept things as they were and not to worry about things you cannot change; and to always see the good even in the worst - because, as he said, there is always good. Even ALS, he said, brought him gifts. The gifts of the love of friends and especially the deepening of the love Robin and he shared.

On May 8th at 10:45 am he sent me this and said that this was what he was pondering that morning and he thought that I might also appreciate it:

"You can't skip chapters, that's not how life works. You have to read every line, meet every character. You won't enjoy all of it. Hell, some chapters will make you cry for weeks. You will read things you don't want to read, you will have moments when you don't want the pages to end. But you have to keep going. Stories keep the world revolving. Live yours, don't miss out."

-Pillow Thoughts

I'll leave you with that for now but in David's tradition, I will also leave you with a few questions to ponder...

Who do you miss and wish you had back in your life? I encourage you to connect with them now not later if you can.

Do the people you love know you love them? Have you communicated how much they mean to you?

What's your story and are you really living it?

Whatever your answers are to those, I wish you a love like David and Robin's, an appreciation of the natural world and all the animals in it, good health, peace in your heart, courage and wonderful adventures!

[thebadtimewolf]

hi hi hi

Tag Limit is 30

this is why i get excited when david tennant returns as a tv dr incarnation because that means that the bts we dont see that come out the woodwork of bbc still trying to let that bullshit slide have them acting right because what happened? The second amy and rory left? There was a sudden decline of having bts diaries and confidentials. More tv content sure, but, there was something missing. so of course whovian with a group chat david comes in nearly immediately for the 50th ESPECIALLY since its reported that chris and billie was returning (chris bows out later but he bows out immediately the second its announce billie isnt reprising rose tyler (who is fresh after s1 of penny dreadful?) And then capaldi arrived as 12 and at first it was going great. we had bloopers! And you know the other stuff! then lego dimensions and danny pink and missy vocal reveal happened timeline wise. where it was reported moffat kept trying to push the same shit he did for girl in the fireplace crimson horror ie trying to do that sex appeal where it wasnt needed at all etc etc. capaldi being highly argumentative because really moffat was trying do that shit to karen and that didnt fly because cameras everywhere.

so if david comes back after? even as tentoo this time instead of 14? keep an ear out.

[magicalqueennightmare]

Sins & Amends Chapter 33

Billy Russo x Female Reader (60 part story)

This follows pre- the punisher into the storyline of daredevil, punisher season 1 and beyond

This is NOT Canon Billy. This is decent human being Billy left with bad options over worse decisions

This was also posted to A03 under: WaywardGaPeach. That account and this one is the only place you'll see me post this. If you see it on any other platform/account know it's not me.

Chapter Summary/Warnings: in an attempt to get more answers Frank goes in search of Gunner Henderson, a man he once served with who filmed Zubair's execution. You get questioned by Madani and Frank ends up badly injured

Waking up knowing on one side you had Frank and Micro digging for the truth of what happened because of Kandahar and on the other side you had Madani digging in Cerberus and probably knowing Frank was still alive felt a bit surreal. 

 When you walked into the station house that day you honestly felt like a person living two lives. You had your daytime life which was working on the ambulance, spending time with your friends then you had your nighttime life which was everything from delivering groceries to Micros "batcave" to keeping your phone next to your bed in case Frank ran into trouble and needed patching.

You had been dodging staying at Matt's because while one half of your heart felt it was right to tell him how you were feeling there was a small part of you that feared that hole you'd fallen into before. You had all but decided to face the talk that was coming but you needed to see what shoe was going to drop next as far as Homeland now being involved.

-----------------

You still had a couple hours before you got off when Karen called you. You were sitting out in the bays watching some of the guys clean their equipment, normally you'd offer to help but Jason has dubbed it a learning experience for the rookies.

You stood and walked outside before answering "Hey Karen" instead of saying hello or any form of a greeting she said "Are you around anyone else?" You glanced around to make sure before saying "Nope just me. I'm out front of the station house" you could feel your stomach twisting the longer it took her to talk "Do you know an agent Madani by any chance?" "Shit" slipped through your lips without much thought. She scoffed "Yeah that's what I figured. She called me in today. We had an interesting little chat. I think she knows. She admitted Wolf was dirty and asked me if I knew about Frank's time in Kandahar" 

You rubbed at your eyes and the growing headache for a moment before finally asking "Did she say anything else?" "She asked if Frank had anything close to family left. Y/N it's public record you arranged Maria and the kids' funeral and if she digs a little she can get the legal guardianship papers from when Maria's parents took you in. Won't be much to figure out you were close with Frank"

You nodded then said "Don't worry about me. I can handle her..um contact him. Tell him what went down. I'll be home in a few hours if you want to come by. Just be careful Karen please. We don't know how deep this is" "Yeah. You be careful too" she warned before hanging up.

You stood there for a moment to try to get your emotions in check before walking back inside. While Alice may not know everything that you were dealing with she knew you well enough to spot when you were hiding something.

-------------------

You were more tired emotionally than physically by the time you made it home. It didn't help matters that before you could get your apartment unlocked your phone was ringing from a blocked number "Hello?" You answered despite knowing it was one of two people. "Will you tell me how Karen Page fits into all this?" "Hi to you too David and no I won't tell you how she fits into anything" 

He sort of laughed then said "Well can you tell me why Madani is looking into you?" "Because she's probably planning on questioning me next i would if I was her" you replied and he went silent before saying "Jesus you're as much a pain in the ass as he is"

"back at ya. Is there a reason you called or just to annoy me since he's currently not in?" You wanted to get a hot shower before anything else may pop up and in your life that could be any given moment. "Yeah he knows who recorded the video" you cursed under your breath before saying "and now's the time you tell me because I wasn't there" "oh yeah sorry um Gunner. Said you'd recognize the name" you thought for a moment before remembering Billy talking about a guy on Frank's team by that name "Yeah Bible guy from Kentucky, big ol country dude. You two thinking he may know more?" "We're hoping" 

You knew Frank would never agree for you to go along so you said "I'll round up a med kit. Just in case something goes south you'll have it on hand" "Ok. We're supposed to leave tomorrow night" "You're going after the Madani cluster fuck?" You didn't mean to sound so annoyed but why was Frank letting him go?

"Yeah. I mean do you want him going all the way to Kentucky with no one there?" You thought about it and while Micro wasn't much help if a fight arose he was capable of keeping himself alive and hidden for over a year. "I'll come by around seven so tell him don't shoot" "Will do" he said then hung up. 

-----------------------

You just stepped out the shower and pulled a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt on when you heard someone knocking at your door. You stopped and glanced back towards your room debating on whether you should answer the door empty handed but then you heard Karen's voice "Y/N it's me" 

You crossed the living room quickly and opened the door. She brushed in past you so you shut the door and turned to face her, wondering what was wrong then saw the tears in her eyes.

You'd never been more certain of the fact that no matter what you had to risk to help him, Frank deserved an after than when you comforted Karen while she cried from just how deeply the pain he felt daily ran.

"He doesn't want us in it any more than necessary because him losing anyone else he loves, I don't think he can handle it Kare" you told her while the two of you sat curled up next to each other on your couch. "Did he ever stop to think we can't handle losing him either?" She asked quietly and for that you really didn't have an answer.

You checked the time when you slipped between the fence leading to Micros hideout. It was six thirty so you were a little early but you had managed to skip out on a meeting earlier than you thought.

When you opened the door you whistled as you crossed the threshold. It was a tune Maria had a habit of humming while doing laundry and other chores around the house so you knew Frank would recognize it. He stepped around the corner and nodded when he saw it was you "Hey sweetheart"

You held up the bag you'd carried with you. "I don't just come to see you off. I come bearing supplies. Where's Micro? I need to run down what all is here in case Gunner isn't too welcoming" he rolled his eyes at the mention of his newly attained partner "C'mon"

You followed him into the computer area. He tapped the back of Micros head who smiled when he saw you "Finally a friendly face or well friendly than his anyways" Frank walked over to the van to continue loading it but you heard him scoff "You've never seen her pissed off"

You grinned at Frank then turned to Micro to give a once over of what you'd bought. "There's gauze, a suture kit,some lower grade pain meds that they won't really notice missing from the rig and an iv kit along with a few bags of fluid and some intravenous antibiotics" Micro leaned around you to look at Frank "How long has she been patching you up?" Frank glanced up and shrugged one shoulder "Pretty much since I married Maria"

----------------------

Before you left you hugged Frank and said "Make it back in one piece" he nearly smiled "Yeah don't worry about me. Watch your back and keep an eye on Karen"  "Of course"

You were almost to the door when you heard Frank call your name so you stopped and turned around "If you don't hear anything from me by Sunday night can you go to David's house? Let Leo and Sarah know I didn't forget them just something came up?" You nodded "Of course but who am I again?" "Pete Castiglione's adopted sister" you shook your head but agreed nonetheless "Try to be back before then" you said before stepping out the door.

You hated not knowing worse than anything on earth. It reminded you too much of those days right after everything happened. You felt lost yet again and worse than that was the sense of helplessness.Luckily you had work to keep your mind busy.

Sunday you were getting off from work talking to Alice when it occurred to you what you'd promised Frank. "Shit. What time is it?" You asked and when she said the time you cursed again "Something wrong?" She asked and you shook your head then moved to hail a cab "No I just promised I'd be somewhere"

-----------------

When the cab stopped in front of the Lieberman residence you grabbed your med bag and paid the driver before walking up to the door. After you knocked you were thinking over what to say. You knew what they all looked like from Micro's cameras so when Sarah answered she looked a bit thrown and poor Leo was standing behind her obviously disappointed.

You smiled and offered your hand to Sarah "Hi I'm Y/N.. Castiglione. My brother Pete asked me to stop by earlier today but as you can see I just got off work" 

Sarah shook your hand but still looked a little confused so you added "I'm his adopted sister. He just wanted you and the kids to know he didn't forget. Something came up last minute and he had to go out of town and entrusted the message being delivered to me which was obviously a bad idea" you said with a small laugh.

Once Sarah stopped shaking your hand you smiled and turned to leave but Leo spoke up "Mom cooked. Since Pete's not here, you wanna stay?" You glanced at Sarah who smiled "It'd be nice to have some company. We cooked for a Castiglione might as well feed one even if it's not the same one"

You followed them inside and set your bag down just inside the door. 

--------------------

It had been so long since you were in an environment with kids it seemed almost foreign. You had to bite your tongue when a slip up almost resulted in you calling Leo Lisa. After a few minutes even Zach peeked down the stairs long enough to get introduced. When he stormed off and they apologized for him you waved your hand "No need. He's been through a lot"

After helping Sarah clean up you said you had to get going. Leo walked you to the door and asked if you could come with Frank or well Pete next time he came over.  "If it's ok with your mom. I'll try to" you told her with a smile and Sarah nodded "Oh of course"

-----------------------

After the brief reprieve of your nerves which was having dinner with the Liebermans you found a thousand bad scenarios running through your head yet again.

You started to head home but when you climbed into the cab you found yourself hitting Matt's number on your phone. He answered on the third ring "Hey Y/N" you smiled hearing his voice "Can I come over?" "Of course" he replied so you told the driver where you were headed then told him goodbye.

Yeah you needed to clear things up with Matt but just for tonight you didn't want to be alone.

------------------------

You woke up the next morning wrapped up in the sheets with Matt's warm body pressed against yours and felt a wave of guilt wash over you as flashes of the night before played through your head. Were you any better than Billy? You were using Matt to not be lonely. He deserved better than that. 

You felt him stirring behind you right before you felt his lips brush against your neck "Good morning" you let your eyes close at how it felt. God you wanted to be capable of falling in love with him. He was a good man, he was always honest with you (even if he hadn't always been with Karen) plus the man was talented in the bedroom but you knew this conversation had to happen. You just wished you weren't naked.

You rolled over to be face to face with him and let your fingers trace over the scars on his chest and stomach "Matt, there's a reason I haven't been coming over" his eyes were closed and for a second you thought he'd fell back asleep until he smiled.

"I know. You think that if I wasn't sleeping with you I could find someone to be in a relationship with. You love me and want me in your life but you're not in love with me and doubt you'll ever be and while you don't want to feel like you're using me to keep loneliness at bay you also don't want to lose me completely?" You pulled back and stared at him in silence "How the hell did you know all that?"

He opened one eye then pulled you into his chest before confessing "That's how I've been feeling too" his fingers started tracing patterns on your back so you laid there contently "I do love you Matt and I want you in my life" he kissed your forehead and said "Good because I love you and want you in my life but we both know this between us isn't built for long term so how about we call last night a goodbye on that chapter of our relationship and call this morning a hello on the new one?" You smiled and kissed the side of his neck "Can we have sex one more time?" He laughed and bit his bottom lip then shrugged "Sex one last time then we'll go get breakfast before I have court"

-------------------------

You were glad of how the intimate aspect of your relationship with Matt came to an end. You both had love for each other and would be there for each other no matter what but you had both agreed it was time to call it. Who knew maybe when all this was over with Frank and when Matt was finally level with his balance of work and vigilante life the two of you may try again but for now you still had each other in every way but sexual.

-----------------------

You were still worried about Frank the rest of the day and barely slept that night. Your phone started ringing around two in the morning. You fumbled blindly on the nightstand before finding it "Hello?" You realized you hadn't looked at the caller id but Curtis' voice you'd know anywhere "Grab your bag. I'm pulling up outside. Frank's hurt bad"

You were out the bed and pulling jeans on before he hung up good.

------------------------

You were out the car before Micro had time to park it. You could hear Curtis calling your name but you needed to see how Frank was. You knelt down next to the cot and cursed under your breath "Fuck, he's burning up Curt!" 

Curtis had walked up behind you by then. "C'mon, help us get him to the table" you nodded and stood moving to grab Frank's feet while Curtis and Micro grabbed an arm each.

--------------------

Once you got him moved Curtis passed you a blood pressure cuff then moved to examine the wounds and get a temp after you both had gloved up and found some alcohol to sterilize the area as best as you could. You cursed under your breath "ninety over sixty" Curtis held up the thermometer while Micro asked if Frank needed blood and offered since he was apparently a universal donor. 

"Bloods not the issue. His temps one hundred and four. He's septic" Curt explained while you and him moved around his med bag gathering what you needed out. "I've been giving him fluids and antibiotics" Micro waved his hand towards the bag still flowing into Frank's arm. "None of that is gonna do any good until that arrow is out of him. It's a foreign object, filled with bacteria" 

Curtis nodded in agreement and added "The body's trying to fight it but can't so white blood cells, fever, systemic inflammation. Antibiotics are fighting a losing battle"  Micro looked between you both then his eyes somehow got even bigger than they already were. "You're gonna pull it out?"

You shook your head and said "No. Pulling it out would cause more damage than when it went in" his eyes were on the scalpel in Curtis' hand so you asked "You good?" "Yeah" he replied but looked a little pale. Curtis cut his eyes up at him and said "good cause you gotta help her hold him man"

You rolled Frank over supporting most of his upper body against your chest. Micro was staring at Curtis as he sliced into Frank's shoulder "Stay with us David. Don't lose your shit!" You warned and when he didn't reply Curtis reiterated "Say it!" Micro finally nodded "I won't lose my shit. I'm good"

"Y/N let him take the weight. I need your help" you glanced at Micro to make sure he had Frank steady before you moved to grab a clamp to pass it to Curtis. You watched as he pulled the arrow out of Frank. You moved to pour alcohol into the hole and wiped it with gauze so Curtis could staple it shut.

Once you were back around the table Curtis nodded to roll Frank back onto the table. "We done?" Micro asked. You saw Curtis was heating scissors so you replied "Yup. Soon as we cauterized the wound" 

Micro was a bit green when you looked up from bandaging the entry wound. You'd heard Curtis pass him the bottle and when he realized you were both staring at him he chuckled "Now are we done? You want some coffee?" He turned around to mess with the maker and you shared a look with Curtis then nodded so he asked "Why'd you have to go after him?" 

Micro turned around and wouldn't meet neither of your eyes before saying "Henderson had some information we needed" you slapped both hands down on the table and saw him flinch "He's talking about Frank! Look at the shape he's in!" Curtis put a hand on top of yours to help you calm down then stepped between you and Micro "This is all your fault man. Do you think any of this is gonna make a difference?"

Micro slowly met Curtis' eyes before he said "Look I have to believe that" Curtis shook his head "Yeah for you. What about him? And those of us still living that don't want to lose him too?"

--------------------

You and Curtis both had work so you left Micro with detailed instructions on what meds Frank needed to be given and when. "Call if you need me. I'll come by after shift if not" Micro nodded so you took one last look at Frank before following Curtis out. 

------------------

You were doing inventory of your rig during down time when you heard Jason call your name. You glanced up at Alice who shrugged so you handed her the clipboard and climbed out to find Jason standing next to none other than Agent Madani.

Uninjured and standing up she was around your height, brown hair and darker brown eyes that watched everything around her. All in all she was a beautiful woman and the way she held herself commanded some sort of authority.

"Captain?" You addressed Jason and he motioned to Madani "Agent Madani here needs to talk to you" you turned your attention to Madani "What's this about?" She looked at Jason then around at the firemen that were in the break area of the bays "Is there somewhere we can talk in private?" 

You checked your watch and shrugged "I still have hours on shift" Jason spoke up and said "Go ahead. If a call comes in before you get back Jessie can go with Alice" you knew from the look he gave you there would be a lot of questions waiting but you couldn't worry about that now.

You glanced at Madani "Let me grab my jacket out my locker" she stepped back and smiled "take your time" You kept an eye on her all the way inside then pulled out your phone to send a quick message to Micro "Madani is here. Wants to question me. I'll come by tonight."

You slid your phone back into your pocket and grabbed your jacket then headed back into the bay where Madani was talking on the phone to someone but told them she had to get going when she spotted you. She gave you that fake smile that you knew from personal experience came from working with the public in any way. "Lead the way Ms Y/L/N" 

You walked out the bay and heard her fall in step beside you so you glanced towards her and said "Just call me Y/N. I did respond to your wreck and plus it makes this seem more like a conversation than a interrogation" this time a more genuine looking smile slipped onto her face "Y/N this is just a conversation. I'm grateful for your station's fast response. You don't have to talk to me. I'm simply asking a couple questions and please call me Dinah" 

-------------------

When you made it to the diner you walked in first and greeted Kaitlyn. She glanced at the time "Aren't you early?" You motioned at Dinah "Had a meeting pop up" you could see the shock on her face when she spotted Dinah's badge.

You went to the booth you always sat at and waited patiently while Dinah slid in across from you. Kaitlyn sat two cups of coffee down then walked away.  A silence fell while both of you fixed your coffee to taste then you made a go ahead motion with your hand because the faster you got her talking the faster you could be done with this and get back to work then to Frank and Micro plus you were planning to stop by Curts meeting if anyway possible.

"How do you know Frank Castle?" You didn't try to stop the laugh from falling from your lips. Blame it on nerves or just weariness. A part of you found all of this nearly comical. Frank had killed people yes but every bullet he'd fired on American soil was well deserved.

She raised an eyebrow at your reaction so you took a sip of coffee then said "I apologize Dinah but it's public record how I knew Frank. I was basically his sister in law. I knew him most of my adult life and loved him like a brother. Losing his family killed a part of him long before that explosion at the dock finished the job" 

She watched you and you knew she was looking for any slip up that could indicate the extent of what you knew but she failed to realize you'd been schooling your features for so long you were worried at times about just how well of a liar you'd become. 

"Do you know anything about Cerberus?" That almost threw you off even knowing that apparently Frank had killed her partner in the midst of that mission but you recovered before she noticed "Three headed dog that guards the underworld? I mean I'm a little rusty on my greek mythology"

She gave a humorless laugh then laid her hands flat on the table between you two then leaned in close to you. Her voice dropped to barely above a whisper "I know Castle is alive. He pulled me out my car. I know all about Kandahar but I need him to tie it together. I can help him and I think you can lead me to him." you didn't try to feign surprise or shock at her words instead choosing to say "If I see his ghost on the next full moon I'll be sure to send him your way Dinah" then pulled enough cash out to cover both of your coffees and laid it on the table. 

When you stood up you let your eyes skim over her before saying "Whatever happened over there goes so much deeper than what you think. Frank was left hanging out to dry by the very government he fought for"  then walked out without looking back at her.

------------------

It wasn't until you were walking back to the station house that you let out a breath you hadn't realized you'd been holding. You and Karen had ended up doing exactly what Frank was worried about without even meaning to. You both had drawn attention because of your connection to him. If Dinah was digging at this pace, what the hell was going to happen next? Not to mention if "Agent Orange" was as high ranking CIA as Micro said he had to be how long until he knew Frank was still alive and put a plan in motion to finish what was started that day at the carousel?

You took a few deep breaths to get your emotions halfway in check before walking into the bays. You had to make it a couple more hours then you could figure out what to do next. 

@intothesoul

@weallhaveadestiny

[david3096]

New Year’s Resolutions.

So, I thought I wasn’t writing anything today but, after a conversation with my friends, I had this silly idea. So I just wrote this today lol. 

Here’s the link if you want to read it on AO3 🧡

***

Buck breathes in the fresh air of the garden, he feels a little nostalgic and although, he wants to blame it on the fact that this always happens to him when the year is about to end, he knows there is something different.

Especially because he is with his family, his real family. They are at Athena and Bobby's house, they had dinner together, laughed like crazy, remembered things that happened in the year and before that too, he never felt happier than today.

It is everything he had always wanted since he was a little boy and almost everything is as he would like it to be. Except for one small, insignificant thing. Or situation, it's definitely a sentimental situation.

Because he's in love with Eddie Díaz, but he's pretty sure his best friend doesn't reciprocate those feelings.

Despite the fact that they got ready together at Eddie's house for dinner, that Buck baked some cookies so they wouldn't arrive empty-handed, that they both helped Chris pick out his clothes and Buck did his hair while Eddie arranged his tie.

They arrived together and no one was surprised, apparently it was something they were expecting. Hen joked that they were already a family and Eddie laughed, but gave him a look that he could have sworn was one of love. Of the love that Buck also feels for him.

But he knows that it is only his desire, that the spark of love he feels every time he looks at Eddie or when the two of them are in the same room together, is responsible for these ideas. That spark that he had hoped would disappear with the passage of time but has only grown more and more.

Maybe that's why he's feeling more nostalgic than usual now. He's the only one outside. Chim, Maddie, Hen, Karen and May are sitting at the table, laughing and chatting about who knows what.

Bobby and Athena are in the kitchen, Bobby is waiting for the apple pies he made for dessert to be ready, but they are quite entertaining chatting and kissing time to time.

In the living room are Michael, David, Henry, Denny, Eddie and Chris. The spot next to Eddie is still empty, that's where Buck was not too long ago. They were all chatting quietly, about school stuff, about work, about how delicious the dinner was. But the kids started talking more about their stuff and, David and Michael started talking about their engagement.

And that made him uncomfortable. Not because of his happiness, but because his poor heart made him wish more intensely to have the same with Eddie.

So like a coward, he apologized and told them he needed some fresh air. Eddie offered to go with him but he told him it wasn't necessary.

That's why he feels more nostalgic, or so he thinks. And he has made a decision that seems strange to him. He's never really been a man who makes New Year's resolutions, he's more the kind of guy who changes when he feels it's necessary to do so and, these past few months he's been feeling better than ever. Except for the small detail of being head over heels in love with his best friend and him not reciprocating his feelings.

That's why, in the cold air of the last day of the year, he has promised himself to fall out of love with Eddie. He wants to be able to think exclusively platonic about him and be able to get on with his life. To be the best friends that they really are and that, when Eddie falls in love with someone else, it will be less painful for him.

He looks at his cell phone and then at the stars, it’s half an hour before midnight. In other words, he ha thirty minutes to enjoy imagining everything he wants and could have with Eddie without feeling the guilt of not achieving his New Year's resolution.

It may be stupid and he is aware of that. Not only his promise, but also having to go out in the garden to meditate a little because he needed to be away from Eddie. The problem is that he can't stop seeing him, thinking about him, or loving him.

Without taking his eyes off the night sky he takes a last sip of his beer. His hands are colder than glass and he can't shake the feeling in his chest of wanting everything to be different. That Eddie could love him with the same intensity.

He returns his gaze to the interior of the house and his heart races. Eddie is walking in his direction, with a smile and two beers in his hand.

“I thought you might need another.” He says, handing him the bottle and settling in beside him, the two of them look into the house.

“Thanks.” He murmurs and takes a sip, his heart is conflicted, he wanted to be away from his best friend, but he wants so much more intensely to have him by his side.

“Are you going to tell me why you'd rather be here alone than with everyone?” Eddie's voice sounds calm and he gives him that look he always does when he can't understand Buck's actions.

“I don't know.” He admits, not quite sure what to answer without confessing his feelings. “I needed some time alone.”

“Is that your polite way of telling me to fuck off?” He says in a joking tone, but it seems to be a sincere question.

“No!” He says, perhaps too quickly, and Eddie now gives him a little laugh. “I want to be with you.” In his mind that sounds like a rather romantic confession.

“All right, good.” That's all Eddie says for a while, the two of them look around the room and drink their beers. “Can I confess something ridiculous?”

Eddie seems a little nervous and, for a few moments his heart makes him believe that he will confess his feelings to him, that all this time he has been in love with him too. He wants to make a joke or say something to lighten the somewhat tense atmosphere, but he can see in his best friend's face that this is not the time to do it.

“Of course.” Ge assures him, turning his body to look at him exclusively. “But I can't promise I won't make fun of you.” Eddie shakes his head, takes a sip of his beer and also turns away.

“You'll make fun of me, but...” He pauses, it seems to be something that makes him uncomfortable. “It's ridiculous, but I've never kissed someone at midnight on New Years Eve”  Of all the things he hoped Eddie could tell him, this wasn't one of them.

“Okay, why do you suddenly have this thought?” He tries not to sound amused by the comment.

“David and Michael talked about it.”

“And what brought your conversation to that?”

“I honestly don't know.” Eddie laughs but moves a little closer to Buck. “But it got me thinking, I've never done it.”

“Not even with Shannon?” It's an honest doubt and Eddie doesn't seem to care much, although he usually doesn't mention his wife.

“She did not like tradition.”

“Oh.” That's all he says, because every fiber in his body makes him want to tell Eddie that that could easily change that if he felt the same way Buck does.

“What about you?” Eddie asks with a smile.

“Me? Kiss someone at New Year’s Eve?” He knows his voice sounds more surprised than he expected. “Please Eds, no one has ever loved me enough to do that with me.” Eddie frowns, takes a long swig of his beer until it's finished, and Buck takes a long look at him.

“Okay, first you stop that low self esteem crap.” Eddie say, serious. “And  that's not what I was going to confess to you.”

“So you've made out with a lot of women at the beginning of the year?” He jokes and manages to get Eddie's face back to its usual self, or at least the same as it is when he's with Buck.

“Evan.” He feels the spark of love in his body, throughout their friendship, Eddie has only called him by name a couple of times and it always has the same effect on him. “I'm trying to be serious.”

“I’m sorry, Edmundo.” He tells him just to be even, but notices a half-smile on Eddie's face.

“I want to kiss you at midnight.” Buck raises his eyebrows, he's sure it's the alcohol that's responsible for him just hearing that, but Eddie moves a little closer, puts one of his hands on his shoulder, his thumb on his neck.

“Are you serious?” Eddie quickly removes his hand and looks down.

“I'm sorry Buck, I thought we felt the same way but....”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Buck bends down a little to force Eddie to look at him and his best friend does so with a little grimace. “Feeling what?”

“I'm in love with you.” Eddie says, with a slight blush on his cheeks and a smile that is waiting for Buck's response as to whether it should grow or fade. 

Buck doesn't say anything, now he is the one who puts his hands on Eddie's neck and kisses him. At first his best friend doesn't seem to reciprocate the kiss or is too surprised about it, but after a few seconds Eddie starts kissing him to, then he puts his hands on Buck's waist and they stay like that for a while.

“God, I hate you so much.” Buck says when they stop kissing and Eddie looks at him in surprise.

“Because I'm a good kisser?” Eddie jokes, with a big grin.

“No, because the only New Year's resolution I had was to fall out of love with you.” He kisses him again, not giving Eddie a chance to respond and he doesn't seem to care much. “And you are making it really hard” He says, kissing him more after.

Soon, fireworks begin to be heard, the announcement that a new year is beginning.

“And I'm happy because the only resolution I had since last year was to kiss you for the first time. I wasn’t supposed to wait this long but...

“Eddie.” Buck looks at him with a big smile and, making the mistake of looking back inside the house, all his friends are watching them. “I think we have an audience.” Eddie looks in the same direction as Buck and smiles.

“I don't care, I just want to kiss my boyfriend again.”

“I'm your boyfriend now? I don't remember you asking me that?” Eddie opens his eyes wide, looking nervous. “But the answer is yes.” And he kisses him again, with the sound of fireworks around them and the spark of love growing more intense inside him. This is going to be the best year of his life.

[fific7]

Fake or Fortune

For @omgrachwrites 1K Follower Celebration - congratulations!

AU: Fake Relationship

Billy Russo x Reader

A/N: This does not follow canon, it takes place in my Alternative S1 Punisher Universe, with Arrogant!Billy in attendance.

Warnings: 18+ NSFW due to sexual content, slightly questionable consent, some dom/sub interaction, oral and unprotected* sex between consenting adults. Swearing and drinking.

*Irl, please don’t go wild in the country without protection.

(My Photo Edit)

Karen put a large G&T down in front of you, accompanied by a sympathetic look. You picked it up and took a large sip, sighing as you put it back down again.

“I give up, Karen. No matter what I do, without fail I either pick the wrong guy or else think everything’s fine, and then boom - it isn’t.”

This was a commiseration drinking session, which Karen had suggested after she’d noticed you moping around the office. You both worked at the same big newspaper but in different departments, and became good friends after spending numerous lunchtimes together in the staff restaurant.

“What happened this time?” she asked, then winced as she realised maybe that wasn’t the most tactful way of putting things. “I mean, I thought you and David were getting on really well?” You took a larger gulp of your drink, “Well, that’s the thing - so did I. Until I got the “it’s not you, it’s me” talk on Saturday.” You’d been seeing this guy from your Digital News Content section for a few months, and you’d really thought everything had been on track.

Karen sighed, “Oh lord, not that old pile of bullshit.” You nodded, “Yeah, right. I tried to pin him down to exactly what the problem was, but I guess it was just me, when it all came down to it. In fact, I saw him chatting up a girl from Accounts yesterday so he’s already moved on to pastures new. That didn’t take long, did it? Or maybe he’d already moved on but didn’t have the balls to tell me.”

“Look, I’m meeting up with Frank on Friday night for a drink...” her cheeks pinked up, and you smiled at her obvious pleasure in that thought, “....so why don’t you come along? He mentioned one of his friends might tag along.” You held up a hand, “Oh no! No! I’m not being set up.” She shook her head, “It’s not a set-up, I swear. They’ve got a little....issue.... with Homeland and we’re going to talk about it.”

You knew she’d recently met this ex-Marine called Frank when - in her role as investigative reporter - she’d been digging into some big CIA scandal. When was there not a scandal about the CIA, you thought. You knew she’d met him several times over the past couple of weeks and had detected a more-than-just-business interest in him. “Oh, so.... strictly business, then?” you teased. She shifted in her seat, “Well, mainly.... we’ve also been talking about more personal stuff.” “Uh-huh,” you nodded, smirking, “Karen fancies Frank, Karen fancies Frank!” you sang, while she batted your arm and gave an embarrassed laugh.

“Oh shut up, you,” she said, “...are you coming along or not?”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

And that’s why you found yourself sitting in a neighbourhood bar with Karen on Friday night, feeling quite nervous for some reason. Probably because Karen was fidgeting like hell next to you, and you were picking up on her nervous energy. You smiled over at her, “So you really like this guy, huh?” “No!”she denied, then as you raised an eyebrow at her, “Well... okay, yes I do like him. He’s so sweet.” Her eyes widened as she spoke, catching sight of two approaching figures, “Oh! Here he comes.” A big bear of a man came up to your table, smiling broadly at Karen and then including you in the smile as he stopped beside you. “Hey, Karen,” he greeted her, and she beamed back at him. “Hey, Frank,” and then she introduced you to him. His friend, who’d been partially blocked from your sight by Frank’s bulk, moved out from behind him and said ‘Hi - I’m Billy Russo,’ and shook your hand as he did so. “Nice ta meet ya,” said Frank, also shaking your hand and sitting down in the booth next to Karen.

The man who’d just introduced himself as Billy slid in next to you, and you tried not to stare. He was hot. Like, really hot. Dressed in a smart suit and overcoat, he really didn’t look like an ex-Marine, but Karen had told you that both Frank and his friend were ex-service, and that the friend had opened up a security firm called Anvil when he left the Marines. His handsome face turned towards you, and two very dark eyes looked into yours, “So.... you’re a friend of Karen’s?” You nodded, “Yeah, we just worked together to start with but now we’re besties.” “You a reporter too?” “Nah, I’m a lowly sub-editor on the news desk.” A sudden thought occurred to you, “Oh... and just to reassure you, this isn’t a set-up... you and me, I mean.” He smirked, and you found yourself staring at his lush brushed-back hair and sculpted jaw with its light beard. “Would it have been a big problem if it had been?” he was saying to you, and you shook yourself out of your little trance.

“No, I guess not...” you replied, laughing nervously, “...but I just wanted to get it out there.” He looked you over appraisingly, “Well, I wouldn’t have been disappointed at all,” the smirk got bigger, “....so if you change your mind, just let me know.” This left you speechless but he was still looking at you, asking, “Whaddya want to drink? First round’s on me,” before turning his gaze to the others.

Several beers later, you were sitting listening to the other three talking about a lot of indecipherable nonsense (from your point of view), and you were beginning to get antsy. “Karen, I’m going to head off,” you said in a break in the conversation and she looked slightly guilty, “Oh sorry... we’ve been going on about this for ages.” You shrugged, “It’s fine, Karen, honestly. I’ll see you Monday, okay? Have a great weekend.” You turned to the guys, “You too, and thanks for the drinks,” and made to move out of the booth. But Billy didn’t move. “See you home?” he questioned you, and you saw small smiles on both Karen and Frank’s faces. “Yeah, okay,” you nodded, and then he moved, standing aside as you slid out of the booth. As you headed to the door through the crowd of people, you felt his arm snaking around your lower back. Oooh, very confident, you thought. You’d marked him out as a player as soon as you’d set eyes on him.

“Sorry about the boring shop talk,” he said as you both hit the street, “....me and Frankie’ve got some problems with Homeland right now.” “That doesn’t sound good,” you said as you found yourself being guided around the corner from the bar. “Oh, I was going to take the subway,” you protested, but he shook his head, “This time on a Friday night? Nah.” He pointed towards a rather flashy-looking car parked in the street, “Got the car with me so I’ll take you home. I only had one beer, case you didn’t notice.” “I didn’t,” you admitted, “I thought you were sinking beers like the rest of us.” He gave a low laugh, “I was a sniper in the service, so I like to be aware of my surroundings at all times.” A little frisson ran through you, this guy was quite dangerous, you could tell. As you reached the car, he held the passenger door open for you and you climbed in, trying to be as elegant as possible although you weren’t sure you quite achieved that.

As he started the engine and moved the car out into the flow of traffic, he asked, “So what made you come along tonight if it wasn’t a set-up?” “I was bored. I just split up with my boyfriend of a few months so...” you shrugged. You heard a chuckle, “His loss.” “I don’t think that’s what he thought,” you replied, with a self-deprecating laugh. “Well, it’s true,” said Billy, “...believe me. He must be mad to give you up.” “You silver-tongued charmer,” you said back to him, and again you heard his deep chuckle.

“Seriously, it’s my gain. Look, this might seem a bit of an odd request seein’ as how we’ve only just met...” he began, looking across at you as he pulled up outside your apartment block, “....but you’d be doin’ me a big favour. How ‘bout you come along to this charity event I gotta go to next week? As my ‘plus one’?” You hesitated, and he carried on, “No strings, I promise. Just come along as my girlfriend and be on my arm all night. Help me ward off the attentions of someone I’d rather avoid.” You scoffed, “Fake dating? Really?!”

Much to your surprise, you found yourself walking into your building a few minutes later having just agreed to go to this event with Billy. He’d looked pleased, thanking you for saying yes. And you’d also been on the receiving end of a surprise kiss from him. He’d suddenly leant in, slid his big hand around the back of your neck and pulled you in, his mouth finding yours as he did. The kiss had been short but very sexy and you were still tingling from the after-effects.

He’d laughed at your look of total surprise, and wished you sweet dreams. You’d better be careful, warned your internal guardian angel, he said ‘No Strings’.... remember? So don’t go getting all invested in this guy. He’s a player.... for sure.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy and you had swapped numbers, and the following morning you were pleasantly surprised to get a text asking if you could meet him later that day. Intrigued, you texted back saying you didn’t have any other plans but why did he need to meet up? He came back saying he’d had an idea to help out with the event next week, and said he could pick you up. Feeling like you could be making a big mistake, you agreed so he said he’d be at your place around two.

You made sure you dressed casually. Not having any idea where you were going, but sure it wouldn’t be a date as such, you just chose a shirt and jeans with some suede ankle boots. When Billy texted you to say he was parked outside, you left your apartment and locked up, feeling a spark of excitement run through you as you did. “This is not a date, this is not a date, this is not a date!” you chanted in your head as you went downstairs. Billy, you saw with relief, was also dressed casually in jeans, t-shirt, leather jacket and combat boots. He gave you a big grin as you got in the car, the luxurious leather aroma of the interior filling your nostrils. “What make of car is this?” you asked, being an “it’s a black one” kind of girl. He gave you what could only be described as a smug smile, “Rolls Royce Wraith, sweetheart,” he answered. “Oh, okay,” you said, “....expensive, I take it?” “Very.” “Surprised you park it on the street the way you do then,” you shrugged, and he burst out laughing. “Is it one of those so-called penis extensions?” you asked next, and Billy nearly choked he was laughing so hard.

“Firstly, I take it that means you aren’t particularly impressed,” he gasped, getting his breath back after his laughing fit, “...and secondly, no darlin’, it definitely isn’t one of those ‘penis extensions‘ as you put it. Got no need for one-a those.” You returned his smirk, “Really? Well, I don’t care what car a guy drives,” you said firmly, “...that’s got nothing to do with what he’s like.” He glanced across at you as he swung the car into one of the downtown underground car parks. “And what do you think I’m like?” You looked at his profile as he concentrated on parking the big car in a corner space, “Mmmm... I think you’ve had a hard upbringing and now you’re making up for it. Big time.”

Billy switched the engine off and turned to stare at you, the dark eyes drilling into yours with an intensity you hadn’t been expecting. “Wow,” said Billy, “....you sure you’re not one-a these psychoanalysts or somethin’?” “Definitely,” you replied. “Well, you sure sound like you’ve been analysing me, sweetheart,” he said. You didn’t know him well enough to gauge his mood, and he carried on, “I mean, you got all that from meetin’ me last night and just now?” You nodded, saying neutrally, “I’m just speculating of course... but the expensive suits, the car, and I bet a big flashy apartment too, it just says ‘I can afford this now and I’m gonna enjoy it’ to me.” You were relieved to hear a chuckle as you’d been worried you’d really offended him. “Spot on,” he said, “...yeah, you’re spot on. I think you’re maybe in the wrong business.” You decided to change the subject, “So... where are we going, Billy?” “You’ll see in a minute,” he grinned, “....c’mon, let’s go sweetheart.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Minutes later, you were standing outside one of the expensive and trendy boutiques in the area. Billy’s hand went under your elbow and he steered you inside. “Billy... what’s going on?” He nodded to one of the staff who started making her way over to the two of you. “Look, it was my bright idea to drag you along to this thing, so the least I can do is treat you to a new outfit.” You were shaking your head before he’d stopped speaking, “Oh no, no... I can’t let you do that!” He was nodding back at you - it must’ve looked quite comical to the store assistant, “Oh yes, you will - I insist.” He turned to the woman, “Please can you help my girlfriend pick out an outfit for a formal event?” And before you could say anything else, he’d wandered over to a seating area near the changing rooms and seated himself in a comfortable armchair. “I’ll be right here, sweets,” he said, beaming at you. Girlfriend indeed, you thought.

The store assistant looked expectantly at you and you nodded hesitantly at her, so she led you over to some rails filled with lots of beautiful dresses. “How nice of your boyfriend to buy you a whole new outfit,” she commented, beginning to slide the dresses back and forth along the rail looking for a selection for you, “He’s very charming,” she continued, admiringly. “Yes, isn’t he,” you said between gritted teeth. Truthfully, you were feeling as if you were out shopping with your sugar daddy. But you had to admit that your bank account would’ve been protesting loudly if you’d had to make the purchase yourself, and you definitely would’ve had to buy something new as nothing in your wardrobe was even remotely suitable for a formal event. And he was right, this was all his bright idea. So you’d just suck it up, you thought, however reluctantly.

Eventually the assistant had several dresses folded over her arm for you to try on, and you sailed past Billy to the changing rooms without as much as a glance at him. But you just knew he was staring at you as disappeared behind the curtain.

After twenty minutes of struggling in and out of the various dresses, you had to admit that the assistant had made some good choices. There were three that you really liked, and you finally chose a midnight blue silky sheath of mid-thigh length, an asymmetric one-shoulder-strap neckline and a swirl of sequins diagonally across it from neck to hem. It was tight-fitting but didn’t show off an excessive amount of skin - you didn’t want to have it all out there on show after all.

The assistant had also brought several pairs of shoes to you once you’d chosen your dress, and you picked out a pair of matching delicate strappy sandals. Pleased with your choices, you put your own clothes back on and went out to find Billy. He looked up from his phone as you exited the changing room, a disappointed look on his face, “What.... no catwalk show for your boyfriend?” You leant down and whispered, “Okay, you’re laying it on a bit thick, Russo,” to which he grinned, gently took hold of your chin and softly kissed you. “You’re welcome, sweetheart,” he smirked. Then a horrible thought occurred to you, “Billy!” you whispered forcefully. He looked a bit nervously at you, “What?” “There was no price tag on that dress or the shoes either!” He waved a hand at you, “Yeah? That’s okay, just leave it to me.” “No! That’s not on. I’m going to ask her what the price is.” He jumped up out of the armchair, “Nah, nah! Told ya, it was my idea you come along so just let me do this, okay?”

He set off without further delay to the cash desk, while you reluctantly waited in the seating area. Not particularly comfortable with the idea of him buying you an outfit, you decided that you’d offer to buy him dinner to kind of offset his no doubt hefty bill for the dress purchase. He came back over to you a few moments later carrying a large box in one of the boutique’s carrier bags which he handed to you with a grin. “She’d already boxed it before I could see it so it’s still gonna be a surprise when I see it on the night.” You smirked back, you were quite pleased about that. “Billy, let me buy you dinner as a thank you for the dress.” “Okay, I won’t say no to a free dinner,” he grinned, “...where d’ya wanna go?” You mentally reviewed your bank balance and named a mid-priced restaurant close by.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

After a pleasant couple of hours chatting over dinner, Billy drove you home. Debating how to end the night, you came up with what you felt was a decent plan. Not that you were trying to extend the evening of course. That would be just plain stupid as the ‘relationship’ was all a big fake. Remember? your brain asked you. “You know Billy, we haven’t prepared a back story yet, have we?” you said as he drew up outside your place. “A back story?” “Yeah. I mean, if this person you’re trying to avoid happens to ask us - together or separately - about our relationship, we need to be singing from the same songsheet, don’t we?” He looked thoughtful, “Uh yeah, you’ve got a point there.” “OK, well how about you come in for a glass of wine or a coffee and we can get that sorted now?” A devilish smirk appeared, “Plannin’ to ravish me, sweetheart?”

You felt your face heat up with a sudden blush, “No!! Purely to agree on the back story. But hey - we can just text about it if you’d prefer!” Embarrassed, you grabbed your bags, opened the car door and began to get out, but Billy grabbed your arm, “Hey, hey, sweetheart - I’m just kiddin’. Hold on an’ I’ll park up. We can walk up together.” You huffed slightly and closed the car door again, while Billy looked around for a parking space. Once parked, the two of you went up to your apartment and you unlocked the door, waving him inside and over to the sofa while you stashed the bags and headed to the kitchen area. “What would you like? Wine, beer or coffee?” “I’d better just have a coffee,” he said, “...don’t wanna get drunk and pass out in your apartment. Not a good look.” “I don’t see you as a ‘getting drunk’ kinda guy, Billy. You already told me you like to be aware of your surroundings.” He laughed, “You’re right, I don’t make a habit of gettin’ wasted.”

So you switched on your coffee machine and asked what kind of coffee he’d like, holding up a handful of different capsules. He strolled over to you, draping his leather jacket over the back of one of the high stools at your breakfast bar as he reached you. He leaned down slightly and looked at the selection you had in your hand, and you were suddenly very aware of the scent of his aftershave. “Whattya got there, then?” You took his hand and dumped them all in it, saying, “I’m just gonna fill up the water jug while you decide,” and moving swiftly away from him. You were finding it very difficult indeed to ignore the magnetic attraction he was exerting over you, but you really had to try harder as you were only going to end up getting hurt otherwise. He held out a capsule toward you, “Americano’s fine,” he said.

The two cups of coffee made a few moments later, you led him back over to the sofa and you both sat down at opposite ends. “Okayyyy,” said Billy, “....back story then?” You nodded, “Yeah. Nothing too fancy as the less details we have to remember the better.” “Good idea. We should probably add in some truth too. So.... we met through Karen & Frank?” “Yes, that’s a good start. Where did we meet and how long have we been seeing each other?” “Neighbourhood bar, and a coupla months?” “Okay, yeah. Actually is that about it? That was easier than I thought! Or...what else might they ask? Who is this person you’re avoiding - are they gonna be really nosy?” Billy snorted, “Oh yeah! Her name’s Caroline, a spoilt rich bitch. Her father owns a tech company and he supplies some of our equipment. She came along to one of the meetings recently and now she’s stalking me.” You grinned, “And that’s a problem for you? I would’ve thought you’d quite enjoy that, Billy.”

He grinned back, “Are you sayin’ I’m a player or somethin’?” “Well, aren’t you? I’m kinda getting that vibe.” Now he laughed out loud, “Maybe. But I like doin’ the chasing, sweetheart, not the other way round. If she ever got hold-a me, I’d never get outta her clutches.” “What - you wouldn’t? Not much of an ex-Marine then, are you?” He rolled his eyes, “Seriously, this woman’s so clingy she’d attach herself to me like a limpet mine. And I don’t like violence against women so I’d be in a difficult situation. Plus the main thing’s the business link with her daddy. His stuff’s good, I wouldn’t wanna have to replace him as a supplier. So you see, you’re doing me a solid here.” “When you say stalking you, do you mean literally?” “Well, like turning up at Anvil all the time to ‘check on the equipment’ and shit like that.” “So not outside the office then? I’m just thinking along the lines of her not seeing us around together before the event if she’s around you outside business hours. She might not buy it.” “As far as I know, only in office hours.”

“As far as you know? That’s not exactly reassuring if she’s as much of a stalker as you say she is.” He laughed, “No, I’m sure she’s not around apart from that.” “Okay, well is there anything else you can think of that she might ask?” He gave you a sly grin, “If we’ve slept together.” You got up and took your empty cup over to the kitchen sink, “Uh-huh.... well she can ask! We’ll just have to lie, won’t we?” You turned round only to find Billy invading your personal space again, and you moved back slightly in surprise. He followed, crowding you against the counter, dark eyes gazing into yours, “Uh... we don’t have to lie.” You leaned further back, your brain yelling ‘don’t give in to him!’ at you. “Billy... you suggested this whole thing and you also said ‘no strings’, remember? Well, if we did that... that would be strings, don’t you agree?” He reached round you and put his cup in the sink too, “Yeah, I guess so. Just thought we could make things look a little more.... authentic, y’know?” He turned and grabbed his jacket off the back of the stool, but then took you by surprise again by swooping in for a long kiss, pulling you against his body and his big hand sliding around the back of your neck. You pulled away, trying to catch your breath.

Those espresso-coloured eyes were gazing into yours, a lazy grin on his face. “Hey, you’ll need to get less jumpy when I do that else she’s definitely not gonna buy it.” He stood back from you, shrugging into his jacket, “Might need a bit more practice, sweetheart,” he smirked, “....so how about we meet up again tomorrow? We can learn a bit more about each other, as well as you getting more comfortable when I get physical with you,” and wiggled his eyebrows at you. Against your better judgement, you agreed and so he said he’d pick you up at four the next day.

Once he’d gone, you poured yourself a stiff brandy. You couldn’t deny you wanted to spend more time with him, much as you knew you were setting yourself up for a fall. Really... just what the hell did you think you were doing?

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy was thinking the very same thing to himself as he drove away. He was enjoying those kisses way too much. But he was the one who’d suggested this whole fake relationship thing, and definitely with ‘no strings’. Because that was the Russo Way.

He’d better get his head back on straight, and stop thinking about the gorgeous woman in the apartment back there as anything other than a way to ditch the very irritating Caroline.

He also got the distinct feeling she’d marked him out as a player and wouldn’t want to get involved with him anyhow. Well, he was a player and he couldn’t deny that. Wasn’t sure he could ever see himself as a one-woman man. Caroline was attractive enough and in the normal way of things, he’d’ve taken her out maybe a couple of times, fucked and then forgotten her. But her father and Billy’s business relationship complicated things somewhat.

So yeah, he’d make sure she saw him with a lovely woman on his arm at the gala, kiss (and maybe fuck if he got lucky) the lovely woman at the end of the night and move right along. Apart from anything else, the fact that she was Karen’s friend complicated things way beyond what he wanted to get involved in, because he couldn’t afford to upset either her or her friend, Frankie’d kill him if he did.

Definitely better stick with the Russo Way. It had never failed him before, had it?

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

The next day, Billy glided the car to a stop outside her apartment block at 4 o’clock as promised, dropping her a quick text to announce his arrival. Soon, he saw her figure walking out of the main door and making her way towards him.

Damn! Mmm, she was looking good. Little pink sundress, short denim jacket, bare legs and low wedge pink sandals. Yeah, really cute. Smart and funny too. And sexy, of course. Very sexy. Totally fuckable. Completely and utterly fuckable. Woah - stop that Russo! Right now!

All these thoughts ran through his head in the 10 seconds it took her to reach the car.

He leant over and pushed open the passenger door for her, “Hi sweetheart.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You’d noticed Billy’s eyes running over you as you went up to the car, and then spotted his tongue making a swift trip over his bottom lip as he greeted you. You got the feeling he was looking at you like you were a snack to be consumed. Determined to resist how attracted you felt to him, you hopped into the car and said Hi back. Billy’s big hand landed on your thigh as you fastened your seat belt, his long fingers sliding upwards. Batting them away, you continued clipping yourself in and he laughed, leaning across and pulling you to him, kissing you long and slow. Breaking apart, he said, “Remember we gotta practice, sweetheart,” grinning at you. “Mmmhuh,” you nodded, “I remember you saying that.” “Just relax! Get comfortable with me touchin’ and kissin’ you. We’re boyfriend and girlfriend after all.” “Mmmhuh,” you said again, and once more his hand found its way onto your thigh and began stroking, eventually inching upwards again.

This time, you decided to stay still, thinking that yes, you had better get comfortable with this if this whole stupid fake relationship thing was going to work. But when his hand parted your legs and one long slim finger swiftly made its way inside your panties and - without further warning - actually inside you, you jumped like a startled deer and squirmed away from him. “Billy!” you protested loudly, but he merely smirked victoriously at you and pushed a second finger inside you to join its cousin. You shoved at his resistant arm, “Stop it!” His mouth found yours and he began kissing you as his fingers moved steadily in and out of you then his thumb was on your clit, and he began massaging firmly. “Sssshhh, sweetheart, we’re just messin’ around,” you heard his low voice in your ear, “...this is high school stuff.” “But I didn’t say you could do this to me!” you snarled, trying to ignore how good he was making you feel, and you felt his fingers leave you. He sat back in his car seat, taking a tissue out of his jacket pocket and slowly wiping his fingers, looking across at you all the while with a contemplative look on his face.

“I’m sorry,” he said, but not sounding regretful at all, “I didn’t think you’d mind. Thought it’d loosen you up a bit like we said.” He smirked at you, “You can’t deny I got you wet, and I know you’re attracted to me. Thought you’d enjoy it.” Your mouth dropped open, “You arrogant fucker!” you exclaimed, “You know what, you can take your fake dating shit and shove it where the sun doesn’t fucking shine!” You jumped out of the car, slamming the door with an almighty bang behind you. Stomping back up to your apartment, you opened your front door and slammed it behind you too, angrily throwing your bag onto the sofa as you passed on your way to the kitchen. You took off your jacket and threw it onto a high stool, furious enough to take a bottle of gin out of the cupboard and grab a clean glass from the dishwasher. You were just taking a bottle of tonic water out of the fridge when there was a knock at your door.

Okay, well that was either your annoying across-the-hall neighbour... who complained about anything and everything... here to moan about the door-slamming, or else it was Billy. Whoever was on the other side of the door was going to be greeted by your frowning face, and you really didn’t give a shit which one it was. You dramatically swung open the door, and it was in fact Billy Russo who was confronted by your unhappy visage. He immediately held up his hands in a placatory gesture. “Look, I am really, truly, sorry. I ... can I come in and explain?” You turned on your heel and walked back to the kitchen, leaving him to close the door behind him and follow in your footsteps. “Want a drink?” He nodded, “I’d love a beer if you’ve got one, please.” You took a bottle of beer out of the fridge and handed it to him, then got a bottle top remover for him out of one of your drawers.

He popped off the cap then took a long swig, as he watched you prepare a G&T for yourself. You also took a big sip then leant back against the counter and regarded him with a steely gaze. “You said you wanted to explain.” He took another gulp of beer and began, “I.... look, I’m so sorry okay? I totally misread the situation.” Sipping your gin, you said, “I’ll say you did, Billy! I get the distinct impression you mistook me for one of the easy lays you no doubt pick up in bars. Is that how you treat your one-and-done’s, huh? Well, don’t try that shit with me, okay?” He looked over at you shamefaced and shrugged, “Uhhh...I ..uhh.. yeah, I guess I did.... look, I really am sorry, sweetheart. I can’t apologise enough, and I really didn’t mean to upset you.” You took another big hit of your gin, slightly - but only very slightly - mollified. “And as for your comment that I’m attracted to you...!!!” Momentarily you were speechless, unsure what you wanted to say or how to put it. Mainly because it was the truth, you acknowledged to yourself.

Before you could say anything, Billy held up his hands again, “I’m incredibly embarrassed about saying that. Really crass. And arrogant, as you said.” You noticed that his face had pinked up somewhat. “In fact just forget I said it,” he carried on. “Bit late for that now isn’t it! Did you say it because you’re used to women falling at your feet, Billy?”

He looked down at the beer bottle in his hand, waggling it back and forward before saying, “Yeah. If I’m honest, I don’t usually haveta try too hard.” His eyes met yours, “And if I’m bein’ even more honest, gotta admit I’m attracted to you. Like, really attracted. So, yeah - I was hoping for something more than just going to the charity event with you.”

You drew in a big breath. What? What did he just say to you? No. You mentally shook your head, and then realised you were actually shaking it. “Billy.... you’re a player, that much is blatantly obvious. Would you know what a relationship is if it came up and bit you on the ass? Something tells me you wouldn’t.” He had the grace to look guilty. You continued, “So here’s what we’ll do. If you still need me to come along to the gala, then I’ll do that. And then we’ll go back to being strangers. Okay?”

He twirled his beer bottle between his long fingers, and shrugged, “Okay, sweetheart. M’happy you’re still gonna help me out. But can’t we at least be friends afterwards? Reckon Karen ‘n Frank’re gonna be seeing a lot of each other so we’ll probably keep bumping into each other.” Your face softened into a smile, “Yeah, they like each other don’t they? You’re right, we probably will be spending some time together because of those two. Okay... friends, then.”

He smiled at you, approaching warily and sliding his hand round to the back of your head and up into your hair, pulling you closer. “M’gonna kiss you, s’that okay?” but being Billy, didn’t wait for your reply. His lips met yours in a gentler kiss than earlier, his fingers stroking the back of your neck. He moved his hips against yours, and you knew he’d done this so you’d feel his erection against your body. You moved sideways and pulled away from him, why did he have to make you breathless when you just wanted to be cool, calm and collected around him? He looked a bit crestfallen, but recovered swiftly and asked, “How about we order in some food and just spend some quality time together?” You sighed, “Okay, Billy, let’s do that. But no more groping or anything, okay?” He nodded, looking serious and miming a cross over his heart, “Promise.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You pushed the pizza box away from you, “God, I’m stuffed.” Billy picked up his beer bottle and drank, giving a small delicate burp as he did so, “Me too.” Reaching over, he picked up the remote and began flicking through Netflix, “Whaddya wanna watch next?” he asked. “Mmmm, you pick a movie. But not one about war.” He laughed, “Oh don’t worry, I never watch war films, had enough-a that in real life.” Lying back and letting out a deep breath, you said apologetically, “I bet you did. Sorry.” Shrugging, he also lay back, his head turning towards you, “S’okay. We can talk about it sometime if you like. And about my less-than-perfect childhood. And some of my more recent fuck-ups.” He gave a bitter laugh, “I’m a fuckin’ train wreck, sweetheart - you’ve made the right decision, best you don’t get involved with me.” His eyes looked big and a bit glossy, and before you could help yourself you’d laid your hand on his shoulder, “I’m sure you’re not that bad, Billy.” He turned away from you, looking at the TV before selecting a sci-fi fantasy movie, “Oh believe me, I am,” he said in a low voice.

You shifted a bit closer to him on the sofa, “Don’t be so down on yourself, Billy. You’ve achieved a lot of things... got your own company, fancy car, fine suits, lots of money, prestige.” He grinned at you, “But all that doesn’t matter to you, does it?” You shook your head, “No, but they’re still achievements to be proud of.” His head dropped and some locks of hair fell over his forehead. “Thank you,” he mumbled, and you watched as your hand went of its own accord to his face and stroked the errant hair back off his forehead. His head swivelled towards you, dark eyes gazing into yours; he took hold of your arms and drew you against his chest. “Can we snuggle?” he asked you, then wrapped his arms right around you, before lying down and swinging his long legs up onto the sofa, pulling you with him. You snorted out a laugh, “Snuggle? That doesn’t exactly fit with your ex-soldier or current playboy personas!” “Aw, c’mon sweetheart, gimme a break - I’m tryin’ to be a well-behaved boy here!” You snuggled into his chest a bit, “Okay, but remember - no wandering hands!” He held up both hands, “Not wandering - look!” before placing them chastely on your arm and shoulder.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Your eyes opened, and you groggily looked around you, disorientated. Hearing soft little snores from beneath you, you raised your head to look at Billy’s sleeping face. Oh. You’d both obviously dozed off in front of the TV, the Netflix menu now on the screen. Moving slowly, you started to try and stand up but two hands went round your arms in a vice-like grip. “Where you off to?” said Billy’s deep voice. “Just...ummm... just...” you stuttered, but suddenly you were underneath him, his weight pressing you down as his mouth found yours in a hungry kiss. You knew you should resist but damn, he was a good kisser! Feeling yourself dissolve into the kiss, one of your hands moved up to his bristly jawline.

His kisses became more passionate and he pushed himself against you even more, his arousal very evident. You tried to ignore them but your feelings of desire for him were becoming overwhelming, and your arms went round his neck almost unbidden. He was smiling against your lips, and you heard, “Wanna sleep with me? D’you wanna?” Your treacherous mouth said “Yes!” in a breathy whisper, and that was all Billy needed to hear.

He picked you up in his arms, whispering “Where’s your bedroom?” You nodded towards its general direction and he carried you across the apartment and into your room. Setting you down, his fingers were immediately at the zip of your dress, pulling it down, pushing the fabric down then further down until your dress was round your ankles, before whipping it fully off and dropping it onto the floor. You watched him as his eyes roamed all over your body, taking in your lacy lingerie and moving the straps of your bra off your shoulders. “Mmmmm, sweetheart - wow - even better than I imagined,” he said hoarsely, his hands going round your back and unclipping your bra. He stripped it off you and dropped it, both hands immediately cupping your breasts and massaging firmly, thumbs running over your nipples as they peaked. Moving you backwards until your head hit the pillows, you felt his fingers pulling the fabric of your panties aside and suddenly the head of his cock was at your core and pushing inside you. “No time for foreplay, sorry,” you heard and you gave a deep groan when he kept going, feeling his balls brushing your pussy as he fully sheathed himself. His head went back and he gasped, “Fuck!” before he began to thrust. He lifted your legs and draped them over his hips, encouraging you to cross your ankles on his back to pull him even closer.

His mouth was everywhere on you, kissing you deeply one minute before his mouth went to one of your nipples, teasing it with his tongue while his thumb and fingers toyed with the other, then his mouth and teeth were on your neck and shoulders while he set a ferocious pace. A constant stream of low groans were leaving your lips as he moved on you, and you could hear him gasping and muttering words above you, not all of which you could catch, but you did hear “Uhhh, been wantin’ to do this to ya since the minute we met” between thrusts. You ran your hands over his chest and up around his neck, threading your fingers through his lush hair, and you felt him shiver as you pulled on it gently. His thumb was on your clit now, rubbing at you relentlessly and your orgasm washed over you like a wave. His teeth were fastened onto your shoulder and he bit down as you felt his body tense as he came. He lowered himself gently onto you before rolling off, lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling as he got his breath back. “Wow,” he said quietly, before moving onto his side and gazing at you, running a finger gently along your jaw. “Yes, wow,” you replied, putting your hand on his bristly cheek.

“Well, if Caroline does ask if we’ve slept together, now we don’t have to lie,” smirked Billy. This instantly ruined the mood and you sat up, prior to wrapping one of the covers round you and getting out of bed. He looked a bit surprised, but you began moving away from the bed towards the bathroom. Returning a few moments later, you hesitated for a moment before climbing back into bed beside Billy, who was still lying there in all his naked glory. He immediately moved next you, his hands on your arm, “Did I say something wrong earlier? You were up and off like a ballistic missile.” You looked over at him, “A girl doesn’t exactly like to hear another one’s name getting mentioned just seconds after lovemaking.” A guilty look passed over his face, “Awww, shit!... I didn’t think, I’m really sorry... I was just so happy you slept with me, sweetheart.” He stroked your hair away from your face, “Forgive me? And my big clumsy mouth?” You huffed a bit but eventually nodded, not least due to the soft kisses he was peppering over your face and neck.

He breathed a sigh of relief, “I seem to spend all my time apologising to you,” he chuckled, “I’m really making a mess of this fake dating.” “Can’t argue with you there, Billy,” you agreed. “Look, I’m gonna try a lot harder, okay?” he said, running a finger along your arm. You sighed, “Okay... well here’s hoping it’ll be alright on the night.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

The rest of the week, you and Billy had traded phone calls and text messages but (to your secret disappointment) the two of you didn’t meet up. To your mind that could only mean that Billy, who’d admitted to you that he liked the thrill of the chase, had now already caught you so that was it as far as he was concerned. He’d said that his work had been crazy busy but you didn’t feel at all convinced by that.

Friday eventually rolled around, and you were glad you’d decided to take a half day off work to get ready. Karen had strolled up to your desk as you were packing up your stuff before leaving, and you recognised her ‘Serious Talk’ look on her face. She walked along to the elevator with you and followed you inside. “Y’know I hope you really enjoy your evening with Billy tonight, but....” she bit her lip before continuing, “...you know he’s a player, right?” She quickly put her hand on your arm as the elevator reached the ground floor, “I’m not trying to spoil your fun, honestly I’m not, but some of the things Frank’s let slip recently would make your toes curl. Billy’s totally ruthless when it comes to cutting women loose.” The elevator doors opened and you both walked out, with you saying, “Don’t worry Karen, I sussed that out the minute I saw him,” over your shoulder as you continued out into the main lobby. You stopped and turned to her, lowering your voice and continuing, “But I slept with him last weekend and just as expected, he’s avoided meeting up with me all during this week.” Her mouth tightened, and you knew you were in for a Page Lecture. “Gahhh! What were you thinking?! You’ve just reinforced his impression that he can pull any woman he wants and then disappear on her! I can’t believe you didn’t even wait for this gala thing tonight! You could at least have held off till then.”

“Yes, mom,” you sighed, then smiled at her. “But you know what Karen, he’s so hot I just couldn’t resist! And I knew exactly what his reaction would be, and he hasn’t disappointed. He’s been in touch obviously because we’ve got this thing tonight, but he’s been ‘too busy at work’ to meet up. I’m sure that in Russo-speak, that really means ‘too busy chasing tail’ but I’m cool with that. Like I said, it’s what I expected,” shrugging as you said this. “Hmmmm,” replied Karen, staring at you intensely as if trying to read your mind, “...well as long as you know what you’re getting yourself into.” “I do,” you reassured her, hugging her before walking away with a nonchalant wave.

Out on the street you exhaled a big breath. If only you truly believed that.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy pulled up outside her apartment block and, as before, texted her to say he was there.

He was disappointed that he hadn’t been able to meet up with her during the week, and was also aware she probably thought he was avoiding her now they’d slept together. But he’d truly been up to his ears in it at work, and he wasn’t yet established enough in the security market to turn down job offers. So he’d taken on probably a few more than he should have done, and both he and Frank had had to weigh in on a couple of them to make sure they were handled correctly.

So apart from calls and texts, he’d had to miss out on seeing her. In fact, all he’d been thinking of the entire week was the prolonged session they’d indulged in last weekend. Once he’d apologised for mentioning Caroline’s name after they’d first made love, (really smart move Russo, he thought to himself) there had been a whole night of energetic and very enjoyable sex. Then a shared shower late the next morning after she’d woken him up with a surprise and very welcome blow job. God, the things she could do with her mouth! He squirmed in his seat, starting to get hard just thinking about it. He couldn’t wait for another one of those, that was for sure. Tonight after the gala if he was lucky!

He saw the main door to her apartment block open and she started walking towards the car. Wish I could get a better idea of how she looked in her dress, he thought. Oh well, I’ll just need to wait till we actually get to the place.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You slid into Billy’s flashy car, tucking your feet in last in an effort to be elegant. He leaned over, grabbing the back of your neck and kissing you long and hard. You eventually shoved him away, exclaiming “Billy! My lipstick!” You peered at his face, “And you’re covered in it!”

He burst out laughing, “Well, hello sweetheart!”

You handed him a tissue whilst you began trying to repair the smudges around your lips. He dampened it on his tongue and then quickly rubbed the burgundy colour off his mouth. Once you’d fixed your face, you leant over towards him and his mouth headed to yours again but you pulled back. “I’m checking your shirt collar to make sure there’s none on there!” Chuckling, he started up the car, “I did wonder why you waited till you’d put your lipstick back on before kissin’ me again.” “You kissed me!” you protested. He just laughed and manoeuvred the car into the traffic stream.

His head then swung towards you, “If you say so, sweetheart! Hey, I’d say you look beautiful but I can’t get a proper look at you in the car. So wait a little while till we get there and then I can compliment you properly, okay?” You nodded, “Yeah, same. I can’t get a look at you either.” Another chuckle, “You can see as much of me as you want later tonight, sweetheart.” “You’re very sure of yourself, aren’t you?!” Billy’s hand stole onto your thigh and travelled higher. “Wearin’ panties?” You tolerated his wandering fingers, “Yes I am, Marine. Sorry to disappoint.” He shrugged, smirk firmly in place, “Fine by me. They’re not gonna stop me gettin’ to where I wanna be anyhow.” Somewhat surprisingly to you, his hand went back onto the steering wheel. “But I’m gonna wait till we’re alone later. See, sweetheart - I’ve learned my lesson!” “Glad to hear it!” you shot back at him, before looking out of the window at the passing streets.

After arriving and parking at the venue, one of the big downtown hotels, you and Billy made your way upstairs to the function room. Leaving your coats at the cloakroom, Billy twirled you round in front of him, looking you over slowly from top to toe. “You look gorgeous,” he said admiringly, “really beautiful.” “Thank you. Not so bad yourself, Russo.” He was in one of his bespoke suits and was looking edible. He mock-bowed then leant down and kissed you on the lips, and you reminded yourself to act naturally when he did that. You both began walking towards the sound of music and chatter, his hand straying down onto the top of your ass as you went. Karen’s voice rang in your ears about how much of a player he was, and once again you fought the instinct to swat his hand away. If you could just do your duty and get through tonight, then you could put yourself deep into protective mode over this handsome devil.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Several gin & tonics later, you were returning from the ladies’ room and heading back to where you’d left your ‘boyfriend’ at the bar, wondering how much more of this tedious event you could stand, when you heard a high-pitched voice trilling, “Oh Billy! There you are, I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

Hahah! you thought, this must be the infamous Caroline! Well, at least this next part is going to inject some much-needed fun into the evening.

You could see a small brunette standing in front of Billy with her hands grasping his biceps and beginning to pull him towards her. He spotted you approaching over her shoulder and extricated himself from her clutches saying, “Caroline.... how nice to see you! Just in time for me to introduce you to my girlfriend...” “Girlfriend?!” She whirled round and met your eyes, her own narrowing as she looked you up and down in a flash. You continued walking towards the two of them, noting that she was pretty but was heavily made up; she really didn’t need to plaster it on like she had but - whatever, you thought. Billy moved past her to swiftly put his arm around your waist and draw you to him, introducing you at the same time. She nodded her head briefly at you, “Hi, I’m Caroline. A friend of Billy’s.” She emphasised the word ‘friend’. You beamed back a big smile at her, “Lovely to meet another of his friends,” you said, also emphasising the word. You felt Billy tense up a bit, but you thought that playing the jealous girlfriend might be a good way to go, especially when you noticed the little smirk on her face. You tugged on his arm, “C’mon Billy, you promised me a dance,” you said in a ‘little girl’ voice, which nearly made you heave quite frankly but you felt struck the right note.

Billy raised a hand vaguely towards Caroline as he said to you, “Yes I did, sweetheart. Let’s go. Bye, Caroline - good to see you,” and then gave you a long kiss as the two of you headed to the dance floor. Once Billy had you in his arms, you felt his lips next to your ear and he whispered, “So.... jealous girlfriend, huh?” You nodded, smiling up at him, “She’ll like the fact that I think she’s a threat. But as long as you keep up the PDA’s, I think she’ll buy it.” He immediately kissed you, the hand which had been on your waist surreptitiously sliding downwards at the same time. As you broke apart from the kiss, you caught sight of Caroline glaring at the two of you from a table near the edge of the dance floor. You ran your hand up onto Billy’s jaw before continuing to the back of his neck. You’d discovered during your night together that this was one of Billy’s weak spots, so you trailed your fingers over his skin and had him wrapped round your finger within seconds, just as had happened that other night. He pressed his body close against you, ensuring you felt how aroused he was. “When can we skip out of here?” he breathed to you, making you laugh. “I don’t know! It’s your event - when do you want to stay until?”

Before he could reply, you were aware of a figure next to you and a hand went onto Billy’s arm. “Mind if I cut in?” asked Caroline, giving you a nasty smirk. However it dropped off her face when Billy said hurriedly, “Sorry, Caroline - we’re just leaving,” and began leading you off the dance floor. “Oh, that’s such a shame,” you heard, and realised she was trailing after you and Billy as you left the dance floor. “I was so looking forward to hearing all about how you & Billy met.” You stole a quick glance at Billy before saying over your shoulder, “Through mutual friends.” Still following you both as you headed over to pick up your coats, she rattled out, “it’s just that I’m a bit surprised - it seems quite strange that Billy never mentioned a girlfriend before tonight.” Billy looked irritated but his face became blank as he turned slightly back towards her and replied, “Uh, I am right here y’know!.... well Caroline, we never spoke about our personal lives so it’s not that strange at all to be honest.” You’d reached the small counter by now and had handed over the tickets to the attendant, and while you’d hoped that Billy’s answer would have silenced her, Caroline continued, “So how long have you been dating?” You turned and stared at her, and found her already staring back at you, “Mmm, it’s about two months now, isn’t it Billy?” and moved your eyes to his. He glanced quickly behind him at her, “ Yes, sweetheart - a little over two months actually,” he turned back to you, smiling fondly, “and I gotta say, they’ve been two of the sweetest months of my life.” He leant down and kissed you full on the lips.

Caroline’s lip curled up at this and was still curling as you met her annoyed gaze once Billy’s lips left yours. “Well,” she began, but was then interrupted by a tall older man who came up to the three of you and placed a hand on Caroline’s shoulder. “Hello, Russo,” he said, shaking hands with Billy who greeted him with a “Hi, Mike,” as the older guy’s eyes wandered quizzically over to you. “And who’s this lovely young lady, then?” he asked but before either you or Billy could say anything, Caroline spat out, “His girlfriend, Daddy - imagine that!” However her father merely gave you a friendly grin while Billy introduced you. After a quick handshake, he commented that it was a real shame that you were both leaving before he could buy you a drink. But Billy said firmly, with a mischievous look at you, “Sorry, Mike.... we’re... uhhh... quite anxious to get home.” Mike laughed knowingly while you heard a loud ‘tut’ from his daughter. You smiled brightly at both of them, “Well.... lovely to meet you and hope you enjoy the rest of the evening. Bye!” Taking your coat from the attendant, Billy helped you into it before putting on his own and the two of you said final goodbyes to Mike and Caroline before making your escape.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

“Thank god that’s over!” you breathed out a sigh of relief as you settled back into your seat, while Billy switched on the car’s powerful engine and it purred into life. “You didn’t enjoy it?” he grinned, “...even with such a charming boyfriend attending to your every need all evening?!” You laughed, “Sorry Billy, no I didn’t. I hated every second of it! But I think we accomplished the mission, don’t you?” Turning your head and watching his profile as he reversed the car out of the parking space, you asked, “D’you want me to get the dress dry-cleaned and you can take it back to the store? I mean I’ve only had it on for a few hours and I managed not to spill anything down it.” He glanced over at you, a strange look in his eyes. “No, I don’t want you to clean it and return it. It’s yours to keep. And yes, we did achieve our goal.” He started driving away from the hotel, and you realised it was the wrong direction for your place. You’d never been to his apartment but had a feeling that’s where you were heading.

“Where are you going, Billy? I just want dropped off at home so I can get out of all of this and relax.” He laughed, and for some reason you thought he sounded a bit pissed off. “Ahh no, that’s not happenin’, sweetheart,” he said, looking across at you, eyes gleaming with something but you weren’t sure exactly what. Determination? Desire? “We’re headin’ to mine. And yeah, you’re gonna be gettin’ out of those clothes, don’t worry.” “Look, Billy,” you said, feeling a bit uneasy for some reason, “...we’re done here, okay? We’ve already slept together, you got what you wanted so now you move on, correct? That’s your usual M.O. isn’t it? You made that obvious this week. Don’t worry, I got the message loud and clear. I’m not some clingy desperate woman that’s gonna keep chasing after you. I knew what the deal was with you the minute I set eyes on you. So.... just turn around and take me home.” You’d been staring at the road ahead but were aware of him shaking his head, “No.” You looked across at him, “No? What, you’re kidnapping me now?” “You can think of it that way if you like, sweetheart. I knew you’d think I was avoidin’ you this week, but I wasn’t. I’m not ready to let you get away just yet. We’re gonna go to mine, and you’re gonna spend the night on your back - and in various other positions - cos I need another night of sex with you.”

“And what if that’s not what I want? What if I don’t want to be used like a fuck toy before you disappear over the horizon? Doesn’t it matter to you what I want?” He chuckled, and you felt a little shiver of fear run through you, “Not right now, no. Because this is all I’ve been thinkin’ about the whole week. And because you’re sayin’ one thing, but you mean another.” “Really?! That’s what you think?” you scoffed, shaking your head, “You’re unbelievable, you know that? The level of arrogance....!” He pulled the car over into the inside lane and then turned into an underground car park. He killed the engine, and in the sudden silence you heard him say in a low voice, “Call it arrogance if you like. I call it knowing what I want and makin’ sure I get it.” He released his seat belt and got out of the car, coming round and opening your door before taking hold of your arm and pulling you out of it. He locked the car with a bleep of the remote on his keychain, then dragged you - firmly but not roughly - over to an elevator which he unlocked with a key before calling it down. Once it arrived, he hustled you inside and once the doors closed, his mouth was instantly on yours. He kissed you roughly, open-mouthed with teeth and lips and tongue all involved. His hands were undoing the buttons on your coat and then were inside it, immediately going to your breasts.

You struggled with him, trying to push him off but he continued kissing you, and you heard his voice telling you to just admit you wanted it. The awful thing was, you did want him and it annoyed the hell out of you. However his current attitude was also annoying the hell out of you so you continued to push at his muscled, toned body to get him off you. But you were no match for the ex-Marine and you heard a ‘ting’ and the elevator doors opening as Billy continued to kiss and grope you. He pushed you firmly out of the lift, keeping hold of your arm and propelling you towards a door - the only door, you noticed - and then into the apartment after he unlocked the door. He slammed it behind him then was on you in a flash, grabbing your bag and throwing it onto the sofa before stripping off your coat and dropping it on the floor. You were aware of being in a large open-plan space with floor-to-ceiling windows and trendy furniture, before you were scooped up as easily as if you were a throw cushion and carried into an equally large bedroom. He kicked the door shut behind him and dumped you rather unceremoniously on the bed, stripping his clothes off in a matter of seconds and letting them fall where they may. Then he was back on you, flipping you over and unzipping your dress in one quick motion. He stripped it down off your shoulders, turned you back over and pulled it off you. You looked up at him, finally finding your voice, “Billy! Stop it.” He shook his head, “Nah, not happenin’ sweetheart. We’re gonna have sex now.” You opened your mouth but nothing would come out. Why couldn’t you say anything else?

Because you do want it, said a sly voice in your head. And whilst the caveman routine might not be the most appealing of Billy’s wooing techniques, he’d excited you beyond belief and you could feel how damp your panties were. You’d told yourself before the evening started that you weren’t going to have sex with him that night, but at the same time had perversely hoped that it would in fact happen. You were absolutely furious with yourself but at the same time, totally conflicted and unable to ignore the desire you felt for him.

You felt his fingers fumbling a bit at your back and then your bra was dramatically whipped off and thrown across the room. His mouth and hands were immediately on your breasts, fingers massaging and toying with one nipple while he licked the other, his tongue roughly raking over its peak and surrounding skin before he started to suck and bite at it, enough to make you squeal but not hard enough to cause you real pain. Then he swapped and your other breast came in for the same treatment. You felt his fingers sliding down your body and pulling at your panties, after a few seconds he then sat up and stripped them off you. They also joined your bra across the other side of the room. He lowered himself onto you, hands parting your legs and you knew he was guiding himself inside you. His hard length pushed into you and you felt the stretch much more than you had the first time you’d had sex with him. Of course he was in a more of a rush this time, seemingly desperate to have sex with you, judging by the way he’d thrown you down, ripped your clothes off and immediately got between your legs.

He slid his hands under your knees and lifted your legs up until your ankles were on his shoulders, deeply thrusting into you as he did so, and you heard yourself give a loud groan. He gave a long, low groan himself as he picked up his pace, and you heard his whispered words next to your ear, “You like that, sweetheart? Feel good?” “Yes!!!!!” you gasped, hating yourself for admitting it but it was the absolute truth. He kissed you passionately, hands running up and down your legs and onto your body as he thrust hard into you, mouth moving to your neck and collarbone, nipping at your skin then licking where he’d lightly bitten you. You climaxed first, Billy’s thumb having found its favourite place on your clit, and you’d dug your nails into his shoulders before running your hands up into his hair and pulling it. Hearing his answering chuckle, his hips cannoned into yours a final few times before you felt him release into you, and he sank down heavily on top of you, panting and trying to get his breath back. He moved off you and laid on his back, seemingly exhausted by his over-eager exertions. His head tilted towards you, “I’m not finished with you yet, sweetheart. Need more.”

You propped yourself up on an elbow, “Just what the fuck is all this neanderthal stuff about, Billy?” He sighed and looked back up at the ceiling. “Remember you said I wouldn’t know what a relationship was if it bit me on the ass?” “Yeah?” “You’re right. I’ve never experienced a loving relationship in my life. I dunno what love is, really.” Then out it all spilled.... his abandonment as a very young kid, the group homes, the abuse, the stigma. How he’d signed up for the Marines as soon as he was old enough, got a business degree before shipping out, how Frank had his back almost from day one. The dark eyes eventually looked into yours, “So just confirmin’ - I’m officially shit at relationships.” You nodded thoughtfully, “Well... now I understand things a little bit better, Billy. You discard women after a very short time as a self-defence measure, because you have a fear of being abandoned again. Ditch them before they can ditch you, right? Because you still have self-esteem issues, deep down underneath that confident exterior. It’s hard to overcome years of being looked down upon and sidelined.” You reached out and ran your fingers through his small patch of chest hair. He flinched slightly so you withdrew your hand, but his own hand went out and he laid it on top of yours for a brief moment.

Then he sat up a bit and stretched, laughing as he did so, “Told you, you’re in the wrong job, sweetheart.” He leaned back onto the pillows, carefully looking away from you, “Guess I didn’t do a very good job of lettin’ you know I want you to stay around and be with me?” You sat up, pulling one of the sheets over you, “What?” you asked. He looked over at you again, “All of this,” his hand waved vaguely between you and him, “This is me tryna let you know I really like you. I honestly missed bein’ with you during the week. An’ I was really busy, me and Frank, all week - I wasn’t tryna avoid you, okay? All I could think about was the night we spent together, how I want that to be a regular thing. Spend time with you.”

You started chuckling to yourself before it bubbled up into real laughter. He’d been looking down and fidgeting with the covers but now his head swung up and his eyebrows pulled into a frown. You calmed down a little and reached out to him, softly stroking his shoulder, “Billy... I’m not really laughing at you. Well, I suppose I am but only because I’m really surprised. That’s not how guys usually let girls know they’re interested! - kidnapping them and telling them that they will have sex with them.” Billy grunted, “Yeah, I realise that. It’s what I’m tryna tell you, sweetheart. I’m shit at this kinda stuff.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Sunday lunchtime, you met up with Karen who was gagging to know what had happened on Friday night. You dutifully recounted everything, even Billy’s metamorphosis into caveman as you left the hotel. Karen’s expression got more and more incredulous and as you drew to a close with his admission of being completely crap at all things relationship-related, she finally said, “Fuck! That’s unbelievable. So how did you leave things? You kick him to the curb?”

You took a sip of your G&T, and smiled back at her, “He wants me to teach him what a real relationship is all about.”

“And you’re prepared to take a chance on him and show him, are you?” You nodded, “Yeah I guess I am, Karen. I know it sounds crazy, but he wants to try. And I’d like to try. So we went from fake to genuine as of Friday night.”

She chuckled, shaking her head and sipping her drink before saying, “Well, you’re a glutton for punishment, I’ll say that for you. And I wish you the best of luck trying to tame that bad boy.” She lifted her glass and you clinked yours against hers, “Thanks, Karen. I’m just gonna take it one day at a time. If it doesn’t work out...” you shrugged, “...at least I gave it a shot.” She put her hand over yours, “Do you think he’ll keep it in his pants? He’s used to putting it about all over town,” squeezing your hand, “...sorry to have to say that honey, but it’s true.” You nodded, “Yeah I know, and all I can say is he’s promised he won’t be doing that from now on. But if I get even a whiff of another woman’s perfume off him, I will be kicking him to the curb faster than he can say ‘it’s not what you think, sweetheart’, believe me! And I’ve told him that too, in no uncertain terms.” She nodded, “Well, you’ve given him fair warning so if he fucks up, that’s definitely on him.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Frank threw his head back, giving a great belly laugh which went on for a lot longer than Billy Russo thought it should do. After a few moments, Frank’s face had gone beet red and tears were squeezing out of the corners of his eyes. Billy folded his arms across his chest, sitting back in the diner booth and scowling at Frank, “Okay, okay, Frankie - enough already,” he grumbled as Frank continued to laugh. Eventually Frank calmed down enough to speak, “Russo! I don’t believe it, I really don’t. Does that girl know what she’s letting herself in for?! She must be missing a few rounds out of her ammo clip.” Billy pulled a face, “Look... I like her, okay? She’s gonna teach me what a proper relationship’s like. She’s willin’ to give me a chance, so cut me some slack over here, will ya?” Frank took a big pull at his beer, “Oh Russo, how the fuck ya gonna keep it in your pants?” (unknowingly parroting Karen’s very same comment to her friend). Billy shrugged, “Look...I will, I tell ya. I mean it, I only want her. The sex is....” he made a chef’s kiss hand gesture, “....and she doesn’t take any of my shit, either. I really like her, Frankie. I think I’m ready to...” “Settle down? Really, Bill - are you? Cos if you fuck this up, you’ve got Karen to deal with as well as your girl.”

Billy took a hit of his beer, “You think I don’t know that? And I’d get a ton of crap from you too, cos Karen’d be upset. You like her, dontcha?” Frank’s cheeks went a slight shade of pink, “Well, yeah. I guess I do.” Now it was Billy’s turn to laugh, “You guess you do? Frankie, you’re like a teenager with a major crush every time your phone rings! ‘Ooh, it’s Karen!’” he said, the last bit in a high-pitched voice. “I do not talk like that!” Frank growled at him, “And you better spend your energy learning how to treat a woman properly, rather than ripping the shit outta me, Russo!”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Your phone dinged and you picked it up, seeing a text notification from Billy on the screen. Turning your phone briefly towards Karen to show her this, you clicked on it and then smiled as you read it. Showing the message to her, she also smiled, “Wow, seems like he’s definitely trying!” You agreed, “I do believe he is!” Maybe this crazy relationship thing you and Billy had agreed to embark on did have a chance of working out after all. You definitely still had your misgivings - does a leopard (or panther) really change its spots? - but you were willing to give it a try as long as Billy stuck to his end of the bargain. No other women, no lying, spending a lot of quality time together... let’s just see how all that goes, you thought. Re-reading the text, it made you smile once more.

Billy’s text said simply, “I’m missing you, sweetheart. Come over to mine, I’ll cook you dinner.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

(My photo edit)

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Tags: @blackbirddaredevil23 @galaxyjane @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @ourloveisforthelovely @swthxrry

(Using D&D’s taglist, if you’d prefer to be removed, just let me know!)

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

[cinnamon-shakes]

Ghostbot lore

Alright, so a lot of people have been joining Brian David Gilbert’s exercise streams lately and most of them are a bit confused about Ghostbotvoice and the lore surrounding them, so I’ve decided to release the knowledge out into the public.

It’s a pretty long read. Here we go.

 -On the 15th of August, BDG starts doing an exercise stream. The number of viewers is initially pretty small and manageable by his one mod, Karen, but after his weekend stream special that he advertised on Twitter, each stream starts to get about 500 viewers. Brian does not have nightbot, but says he will add it to the stream soon.

-On the 28th of September, viewers of BDG's stream discover that he has added in nightbot...without adjusting any of the very strict automod settings. This results in nightbot censoring people who use more than two emojis, many of which are the trans heart emoji used in the daily trans rights chat parade. Nightbot is deemed transphobic, and Brian norts it before the stream is even halfway done

-Chat adapts to there being no bot, but newcomers still occasionally attempt to use nightbot commands such as !rules or !uptime

-On the 11th of November, a user types '!uptime' into chat, and gets four immediate responses (one of which was by me, cinnamon_shakes) going 'no nightbot, but it's been about 21 minutes'. This garners responses such as 'be the nightbot you want to see in the world' and 'assigned nightbot by chat'. People begin impersonating what a real BDG nightbot would be like, preceding their messages with the words 'nightbot voice', such as "nightbot voice: honk if you like getting buff and working out" or "nightbot voice: don't forget to stretch and hydrate" etc etc. Eventually we have a chat with about 80% of people pretending to be nightbot.

-At this point, I decide to go against the crowd and send a message along the lines of "Human voice: I am definitely a human being with a real human heart, you can check it out in my cellar". User ProjectMarley decides to take a look in my cellar, and for a good ten minutes, chat watches as we roleplay me luring them into my cellar and them being oblivious and trusting. Once they get there, they mysteriously die and are ‘no longer in chat’. Everyone agrees that I definitely did not kill them and am entirely innocent of any and all blame. We all wonder for a few moments why Marley disconnected and mourn their presence. We can hear the wind in the chat, but no Marley.

-For the rest of the stream, Marley starts beginning their sentences with 'ghostbot voice' and says things along the lines of "Ghostbot voice: I can't exercise because I don't have a corporeal body, but it's time for High Intensity Biking".

-On the 12th of November (the day after the mysterious death of Marley), a new user joins the stream by the name of 'Ghostbotvoice'. They do not respond to commands like a bot, but do send a lot of nightbot-like messages. Many of these are built on a foundation of stream-lore-knowledge, such as knowing specific users' actual names and knowing what kind of messages regulars tend to send. No one knows who is behind ghostbotvoice, but it seems like a momentary funny gag

-On the 13th of November, ghostbotvoice is back, with more new messages. Chat speculates, and it seems clear that it is run by a human being who is copy pasting a set of preconceived messages with the occasional off the cuff ones. Ghostbot assures us that they are definitely a real human being with an actual human body who does human being things. Chat accepts ghostbotvoice as One Of Us. Someone gifts them a sub.

-On the 18th of November, Ghostbot lets chat know that they are now programmed to respond to commands. Chat goes wild and everyone thoroughly tests out the commands. Halfway through the stream, ghostbot stops responding or posting messages. We all mourn their second death. They do return the next day though, and all days after with more and more commands and secret unlisted commands. Chat enjoys discovering the secret commands a lot. We still have no idea who is running the account, but there are several suspects from amongst the regular stream-goers

-On the 10th of December, user Well_Spoken_Rambler shoots Ghostbotvoice a message in twitch chat, and user ProjectMarley responds to it as though they are Ghostbot. However, we as a chat (including Karen) suddenly find ourselves incapable of reading, and agree that we still have no idea who on earth could possibly be running ghostbotvoice. Anyone who suggests it is Marley is misinforming the public.

-Direct statement released by user ProjectMarley on the incident:

“That message was completely incidental and any perceived similarity to a ghostbot reply was not intended by twitch user projectmarley”

-Statement from Karen Han, on the day of the incident: 

-Thus far, Ghostbot has agreed with chat regarding the stance on Nightbot—negative. However, from the 11th-13th of December, Polygon runs a three-day charity stream. Nightbot is on the polygon channel but has limited messages and commands. Fortunately, Ghostbot decides to join in and does a frankly excellent job helping the chat community and keeping it chill! Additionally, people in chat start shipping Nightbot and Ghostbot (in a very jokey kinda way), and ghostbot’s !nightbot and !botbot commands change over the three days to reflect their growing feelings towards Nightbot, who is a stoic romantic lead who sometimes whispers poggers, revealing their softer side. OTP. The following shows most if not all of that progression:

- By the 16th of December, we have a lot of different secret commands for Ghostbot, including some that reference the polygonathon events. In chat, we are talking about how peat bogs are very important and make for good compost and someone jokes about wanting a !peat or !bog command. I ask why not a swamp command? I tell chat that I will make a shrek bot that only responds to swamp commands, an idea everyone hates immediately and which brings me great joy.

-The next day, on the 17th of December, user ProjectMarley cannot make it to stream and says, completely unrelatedly, that Ghostbot may not be there for the whole stream and might disconnect halfway through. Stream continues as usual, until I type !swamp in chat and reveal that user shrekbotvoice has joined chat. Chaos ensues. Shrekbot only responds to 3 commands (!swamp, !donkey and !union) so that their presence does not risk ghostbot’s continued existence as a community bot. 

-Over the ensuing weeks, Shrekbot becomes a rarely needed back-up bot for times Ghostbot isn’t available and he gets a few more community based commands but is still a very cursed experience. We won’t talk about botbotbot coz you’re very young and new. 

-Present day: Brian has gotten a lot more viewers now for his streams (nearly 1k usually) and a lot of new users are confused about ghostbotvoice and whether or not I am actually innocent. Let this statement prove once and for all that I have never in my life done anything wrong, ever.

 And that’s all the lore! Also, ghostbot’s pronouns are thex/theb/theyr (which has nothing to do with marley’s propensity for typos, not at all) but they are also fine with they/them (which is what I used for this statement to not make it more confusing for people reading). 

Additionally, Brian has mentioned thinking about bringing back nightbot with adjusted settings, so botbot may yet become canon. 

[lifeofa-fangirl]

I don’t want you like a best friend

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x OFC

Summary: Taylor Swift causes OFC to put her friendship with Tom on the line

Word count: 3.3k

Warnings: A few swear words, a tiny bit of angst maybe? Mostly fluff

A/N: I was stuck on my Damiano David x Reader piece, so I decided to take a break and finally finish this one. I have nothing against Taylor Swift, just used her as a plot piece to move the story along. As always, likes, comments and reblogs are much appreciated!

‘Please come to the BAFTAS with me?’

Lauren scrunched her nose together in slight confusion when a text from her best friend appeared on her phone. The words were simple enough. It was a plea to hang out, similar to the ones where he insisted that he needed to come to Edinburgh again soon. He was constantly begging her to keep the guest room ready, so he could hop on a train and come visit. It had always been too long in his opinion. She never disagreed.

They knew each other a little over a year now and Lauren was still surprised how they’d grown so close so quickly. She always felt like she still hadn’t fully recovered from their first night out together. 

Thinking back at how she’d actually gotten to meet Tom, it still felt like a dream. She still didn’t get how she of all people had gotten lucky enough to win the Omaze raffle that Mark Ruffalo had done. The winner was flown out to LA to hang out with Mark for the weekend and attend the Thor Ragnarok premier. By some lucky strike from the faiths, that had been her. 

She also still didn’t know the exact details of how or why the faiths had written Tom into the story. But the fact was that she had reminded Mark of Tom, he’d introduced the pair, insisting that they would click immediately and they should walk the red carpet together. Lauren still suspected him of setting this up on purpose to distract the press from any spoilers that he would almost definitely be giving away by accident. 

It hadn’t helped Mark much, as he had practically live streamed 20 minutes of the movie, but he hadn’t been wrong on the other front. Lauren had never heard or read a story about Tom that had anything bad to say about him. Charismatic, funny, intelligent and so very kind, was the vibe that clung to him. Lauren had been nervous about meeting him, she believed in never meeting your heroes, and had been scared that he wouldn’t live up to the picture she had painted of him in her mind. But Tom turned out to be exactly as amazing as all the stories deemed him to be. And Lauren had taken an immediate liking to him.

Mark had also been right about the press attention. When Tom had showed up with a date on the red carpet in the first time in forever, the press had had a field day. The constant flashes and questions, all the attention on her, Lauren hadn’t liked it one bit. But Tom had been the perfect gentleman. He constantly had had an arm around her to keep her steady and make her feel safe. He had handled all the questions with patience and grace, never once making her feel uncomfortable. 

And in the end, all the attention had been worth it. They had a lot of fun at the premier, so much that Tom and her had spend most of the reminder of their time in LA hanging out together. As the faiths would have it, they had even been on the same flight back to England, on which he definitely hadn’t boother her up to first class and she definitely hadn’t fallen asleep on his shoulder. 

Lauren had always felt like there could have been something more, but they both had busy lives and had gone their separate ways after the plane had touched ground in London.

They had, however, exchanged phone numbers early on during their stay in LA. To arrange any practical details of whatever they were going to do together of course, no other reason. 

But in the year that followed, the exchange of numbers had led to an almost constant stream of texts. Tom would share snippets of the stuff he was working on, cute pictures of his dog or just something beautiful he had come across on his daily run that he insisted made him think of her. She would vent about the trouble she came across during her shifts in the hospital or send funny pictures of her deeply loved godson.

They had become quick friends, but after twelve months Lauren still wasn’t sure what exactly they had going on. Whether they were bound to stay friends or if there could be something more on the horizon. Every now and then, Tom’s texts would take a flirty turn. But even though she always tried to send a cheeky return, she wasn’t sure what it meant. She knew that, even without realizing he was doing it, Tom tended to be a big flirt with everyone. 

And nothing else had ever happened. She had gone to London a few times, but mostly he came up north to Edinburgh whenever he had the time. She had quickly come to realize he liked how peaceful it was compared to buzzing London. They would hang out in their little cocoon and that was that. 

Every now and then some pap shots would appear of them. Walking Bobby, going for a coffee or grabbing dinner. Friends would always tell her they looked like a couple, the way they stood huddled together, how he had his arm around her lower back or hers was linked through his. But that’s what friends did, right? They hung out together and that’s all there was to it. They were imagining the extra sparkle they claimed to see in his eyes when he was looking at her. Because there was no way Tom was returning the feeling she told everybody she definitely hadn’t developed for him. 

And strangely, most of the time she was content about that. Because she wasn’t seeking any attention and she definitely didn’t want to be known just as ‘Tom’s girlfriend’. And Tom knew that. He respected that and liked it. Because it also meant that in return, with her he could be just Tom, instead of the A-list superstar. They had their own little safe haven together. It was the reason Tom had never asked her to attend an event with her again. And it was the reason she was confused that he was asking her now.

‘Pretty please? Put your loving hand out baby, I’m begging. Begging you.’

Another text brought Lauren back to the present and out of her thoughts. She snorted when she noticed he gave her a taste of her own medicine. Working lyrics into a text or conversation was her specialty, but apparently Tom had taken to drastic measures. She was still confused as to where this was coming from, but also knew she couldn’t say no to Tom, especially not when he was begging. 

“Sure, I guess that could be fun,” she agreed.  She pushed away all thoughts of this being a bad idea and decided to try and just make a fun night of it.

And fun she had. She accompanied Tom to the red carpet, the preshow dinner and the public ceremony. And while she hadn’t expected it, Lauren ended up having a phenomenal time during all of it. She cheered along with Tom when Guillermo De Torro won best director. She got to meet the wonderful Karen Gillan and Tom introduced her to Hugh Laurie, whom she had adored ever since watching Black Adder as a kid.

And she finally found out the actual reason why Tom had begged her to come along with him. Tom had insisted that he’d just wanted her there and wanted to have a good time and that it was time the world got to know the fabulous person Lauren was. But the moment they were on the red carpet and she saw the look on his face when he saw his ex girlfriend step into the spotlight, she knew.

It had been almost 18 months since Tom and Taylor had broken up, but surprisingly it was the first time they attended an event together. Tom managed to give Taylor a polite nod when she passed them, a motion that Taylor didn’t bother to copy. Lauren was suddenly very aware of the cameras around them and she deeply hoped they captured the once over that Taylor gave her, which ended in a look of disgust. Tom certainly had, as Lauren felt his arm slip around her waist to pull her closer to him and felt his lips press a quick kiss on the top of her head. She did her best to ignore the beat her heart skipped.

Things went back to normal, or as normal as the red carpet of an award show could be, after Taylor entered the venue and was out of sight of the cameras. Tom relaxed again, did his best to be his charming self for the interviewers. They enjoyed the show, loved Stephen Fry’s jokes while presenting and overall had fun together. It was a great night. Until Taylor arrived at the after party they were attending.

Much later she would learn that Taylor’s most recent boyfriend had called it quits a day or two before, but the night itself Lauren just knew there would be trouble the moment she spotted Taylor. The singer clearly was more than a little tipsy and despite the loud music, Lauren could almost hear her snarl the moment she spotted Tom, whose arm was hanging loosely around Lauren’s shoulder.

She should have warned Tom, because he hadn’t noticed the singer walk in yet and was happily chatting to the friend besides him. Instead, Lauren felt slightly hypnotized as she watched Taylor. They stared at each other for a moment and in the next, Taylor was walking up to the DJ booth with determination in her step. Lauren watched her greet the man. She shot him a fake smile, gave him a hug and then told him something. The DJ nodded with what looked like a loud laugh and gave her a thumbs up.

As Taylor walked away, Lauren immediately got a bad vibe. She turned her attention to Tom, wanting to inform him about his ex girlfriend just walking in and how she thought she was up to something. But before she could get a word out, the DJ’s voice boomed through the speakers. “Next up we have a request from none other than miss Taylor Swift herself. She asked me to pass along a message. So here it goes: this one is for you, Tom!”

It took a few moments, but when Taylor’s voice sounded through the speakers and she murmured, “No, nothing good ever starts in a getaway car,” all heads in the room seemed to turn in Tom’s direction. 

Lauren was still staring at Taylor, her mouth slightly agape, when she realized Tom’s friends around them had started fussing. She turned around to get a glimpse of Tom’s reaction and found him red-faced and clearly embarrassed. 

Nobody around them seemed sure how to handle the situation and Tom’s face now seemed to drain from all color rather fast. In a split second Lauren decided she needed to distract him and did the first thing that came to mind. She grabbed him by his suit jacket to pull him closer and get his attention and yelled, “Well we’re just a wet dream for the webzine!”

Tom’s face immediately told her the tactic had worked. It scrounged up in confusion. He stared at her for a few long moments and then he yelled back, ”What?”

“It’s a Panic at the Disco song,” Lauren explained, doing her best to be heard over Taylor’s song still blasting through the boxes. Straining her voice, she continued, “It goes: Well we’re just a wet dream for the webzine, make us it, make it hip, make a scene.” She let out a small snort when she realized, “Coincidently the song is called London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines. It continues: Or shrug us off your shoulders don’t approve a single word that we wrote. And then the next verse goes-“

Before Lauren could get out any of the next verse, Tom interrupted her. “You really have a song for every occasion, don’t you?” he wanted to know. He was smiling and seeing him happy again made Lauren’s heart jump more than just a little. She felt so proud she was the reason he was smiling again.

She did her best not to give away what Tom’s reaction was doing to her by simply shrugging in response. “It’s kind of my thing I guess,” she allowed him. Then, not able to help herself, she continued, “As I was saying, in case you are interested, the song continues: just for the record, the weather today is slightly sarcastic with a good chance of A indifference or B disinterest in what the critics say.” 

Her words caused Tom to let out a loud laugh. “You’re more than a bit crazy, you know that?” he told her. But his words didn’t carry any venom to it and his actions confirmed that he was more than happy to have her around: without another word, he pulled her into a hug. “Thank you, love,” he whispered, loud enough for only her to hear.

Lauren’s heart made another jump when she felt Tom press a light kiss against her hair and the smile that was already present on her face only grew wider. ‘Mission accomplished,’ the voice in her head silently confirmed. 

Tom’s smile considerably lifted the mood of the people surrounding them and the rest of the night Lauren and Tom spend dancing with their friends and having a good time. And Lauren couldn’t help but feel a little bit proud about the fact that every time she looked at Taylor from the corner of her eye, she could see her staring at them green with envy.

Quite some time after midnight, Tom and Lauren were both still high on adrenalin from the evening, but the party had started to die down and they too decided to call it a night and drive home. 

Not completely ready to quit the party just yet, Lauren plugged her phone into the sound system and put a playlist of her favorite songs on shuffle.

They had just jammed out to Fleetwood Mac, pulling out their best carpool karaoke moves, when a new song started and a too familiar voice filled the car. “I don’t like your little games, don’t like your tilted stage, the role you made me play -“

“Shit, sorry, sorry!” Lauren grabbed her phone and stopped the song as soon as she heard the first lines, but it was already too late. Tom had obviously recognized Taylor’s voice. The mood in the car went from ecstatic to ice cold in three seconds flat.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Tom’s voice was void of emotion, his knuckles were white from tightly gripping the steering wheel and Lauren could easily tell he was angry. She couldn’t blame him either.

“I’m sorry, I really am,” she apologized. She switched to another song in a desperate effort to change the mood again. “I should have thought about this.”

“Well clearly you didn’t,” Tom answered in a flat tone. “I cannot believe you actually have that CD.”

Lauren understood why Tom was mad, of course she did. After tonight she didn’t blame him. But the whole Taylor story had happened before they knew each other. The record came out before they met and started caring about it each other. Back then it had just been good music to Lauren and she hadn’t really cared what the inspiration behind the songs had been. “I got it before we met,” she tried to explain. “Back then I just thought there were some good jams on there, that’s all.”

Tom scoffed. “Well, if you like it so much, maybe you should play Getaway Car again?” 

Lauren was sure a little crack had just appeared in her heart from all the ice in his voice. She blinked a few times in an effort to keep the tears at bay. “You know that song means nothing to me!” 

She cringed at the desperation in her own voice. But it hurt to see him angry at her and she needed Tom to understand that this had been a stupid accident and she would have never played a Taylor song to him on purpose. 

Emotions threatened to overwhelm her. She needed an outlet for them and she almost literally felt her brain to mouth filter short-circuit. And before she realized what was happening, she heard herself say, “Besides, if we are talking about Taylor Swift songs that remind me of you, let me tell you that Getaway Car was never it for me. There’s a whole other song on that album that I link to you. That I can’t get out of my head when I’m with you.”

“And what would that be?” Tom sounded skeptical, as if he couldn’t believe they were having this conversation.

“Dress.”

“Dress?” Lauren could hear the confusion in Tom’s voice. When he briefly glanced over at her, she noticed a frown on his forehead. “Isn’t that the one that is supposedly about Ed Sheeran?”

It seemed like the surprise of Lauren’s confession had calmed Tom down a bit. The effect she had hoped for, but at the same time, it also meant he wanted an explanation. He deserved one. 

Lauren closed her eyes for a few moments and took a deep breath. She realized that this was it. She just ruined their friendship. And she wasn’t sure if it was in the worst or the best way possible. But she did know there was no going back now. 

Another deep breath and there she went, diving of the deep end and changing their friendship forever. “I don’t know. But… earlier tonight you asked me if I have a song for every occasion. And well, I guess that maybe I do. And this is the one I have for every occasion I’ve spend with you.” A small pauze as she figured out how to best continue. “I think… maybe you should just listen to the song.”

Lauren could tell Tom had a hard time dividing his attention between her and the road when she felt the car swirl slightly. The movement only made her nervousness worse. She fumbled with the controls of her phone until she finally found the song. 

Neither of them said anything while the song played and they drove through the darkness. Only when the chorus played for the last time, Lauren somehow, somewhere found the courage to sing along. “Say my name and everything just stops. I don’t want you like a best friend. Only bought this dress so you could take it off, take it off.”

The silence that filled the car after the song stopped was deafening. It felt like the longest couple of minutes in in Lauren’s life. When she risked a glance at Tom, she could tell his grip on the steering wheel had tightened again and he was staring at the road ahead with a blank expression. 

“Are you not going to say anything?” Lauren eventually needed to know. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she needed a reaction from Tom, good or bad.

“I’m trying to find a spot to park this car.” For one fleeting moment Lauren was sure she had ruined everything. Tom was going to stop the car and throw her out. And then he continued, “Because I desperately want to kiss you right now, but I don’t think driving and kissing at the same time is a very good idea.”

And Lauren had never been more grateful than that moment that her superpower was having a fitting song lyric for every occasion. 

[amyscascadingtabs]

i’ll walk through hell with you

chapter 5. love, you’re not alone

read on ao3

read earlier chapters

Amy mourns, important conversations take place, and a new decision is made.

june, cont.

Amy has never called in sick for three days in a row before.

She's been on leaves, and the odd sick day is inevitable when you have a kid at daycare, but it's never been more than one or two days before she’s at least attempted to work from home. Now she can't even make herself do that.

Technically, she’s perfectly healthy, which should probably exacerbate the guilt she feels over calling in sick, but not even her FOMOW is strong enough to drag her out of the cave of misery she’s dug herself into.

 It's unlike her. She's Amy Santiago, she's a vessel of productivity more days than not, and even on lazier days, she'll have the energy to go about her daily life. This zombie-like existence, where it'll take three repeats before she notices her own name and she's uncertain when she last ate a full meal, isn't what her life is like. She's been sad before, she's been heartbroken and on the verge of giving up, but it's never enveloped her quite like this. She’s never felt this alone with her pain, because there’s no one to be mad at, no external circumstances or evil forces at work. The only things she can be angry at is her body, bad luck, and maybe fate, but she can’t put up a fight against either.

On the first day after what she supposes is the start of an early miscarriage, Amy googles, scouring the Internet for more information about chemical pregnancies. Her research feels largely pointless. It’s common, there’s nothing she could have done, it’s all down to a chromosomal accident. A chemical pregnancy can be seen as a good sign, one of the websites encourages her, and she snorts. It’s proof you’re able to get pregnant at all, she reads, and maybe it’s true, but it doesn’t give much comfort. After eight months of trying for twelve hours of euphoria that were ruined by a genetic fluke, she’d have wished for more reassurance.

 On the second day, she gets out of bed and dressed, thinking she can trick herself into going back to work and pretend like everything’s fine if she gets far enough. It nearly works and Jake looks relieved when Leah and her hug goodbye, but once she’s in the car, the panic attack from two days ago flashes past her eyes and she’s shaking until she can get out of the vehicle and walk back up the stairs to their apartment. She spends the rest of the day in bed. At first, she doesn’t cry, but then she hears Leah asking from the other side of the door about what she’s doing and her heart shatters hearing Jake try to explain that mama’s just tired, she’ll play with you again tomorrow.

 On the third day, she really tries. She gets started on a presentation for work and lets Leah pretend to make her coffee in her play kitchen, and she does feel better until her phone buzzes with news from the Santiago family group chat; David and his wife are having another baby. A welcome surprise, the message reads, and Jake has to hold her until she stops crying. Amy’s wracked with guilt as Leah brings her stuffed animal after animal, her eyes wide with distraught confusion.

 It’s after the fourth day things take a turn. As far as her days of mourning - because she supposes it is mourning, after all - have gone, day four is subdued. Equally as gray, but not as sharply painful. It’s as if someone muted the volume in their apartment and slowed down their movements, turning everything into a lackadaisical haze. Even Leah is quieter than usual, almost acting a bit nervous around her, but when the evening comes she lets Amy read her bedtime stories and she falls asleep with her hand on Amy’s cheek. It’s the most peaceful and content Amy’s felt since six days ago.

 “We have the best kid,” she mumbles as she curls up with her head on Jake’s shoulder ten minutes later, and he gives her an agreeing smile. “I think I’m going back to work tomorrow.”

“Are you sure?”

“I need to get back to normal. I’m starting to miss it, anyway.”

“Can’t cure that FOMOW easily, huh?”

She ignores the comment. “Is the precinct still standing without me?”

He laughs. “Barely. On that note... I got a request from Holt to go on this stakeout for two days. I think I have to take it, because, well - we’ve taken a lot of days off recently.”

“Yeah, of course. I can handle a bit of solo-parenting.”

“Actually -” Jake’s voice is apologetic, tinged with a bit of regret, and Amy’s instantly on edge, lifting her head from his shoulder. “- I was thinking Leah could stay with my mom for a few days.”

“Why would she need to do that?”

“Ames, don’t take this personally -”

“I’ll decide that for myself.”

“But I think it’d be better for both of you.” Jake’s eyes are boring into hers, and there’s a gravity to his tone she wasn't expecting. “I know you don’t want this to affect her, but I think it does, even if she doesn’t understand why, and… maybe you need a couple days on your own.”

 She blinks, trying to make sense of his words. “So now I can’t be a parent to my own daughter because I'm sad over this?”

“Not what I was saying.”

“Sure sounded like it.”

“Don’t make this into something it’s not,” he asks, face twisted in a pained expression, and it takes all her self control not to get up and slam the door to their bedroom. She’s learned from her mistakes, though, so this time she listens. “I love you, so much, but I don’t know how to help you when you don’t want to talk to me, and I don’t know what to say to Leah when she keeps asking why you’re sad. She notices so much - it doesn’t feel fair to her.”

“No, but it’s not forever. It’ll get better,” she says, more to ease her own remorse. “And what do you mean I don’t want to talk to you? We’ve talked.”

“Not for real.”

“What do you mean, not for real?”

“You haven’t asked me how I feel about this, for example.” She opens her mouth, but he shakes his head. “Don't do it because you think you have to. I know it’s worse for you. But I’m disappointed, too, you know?” He bites his lip. “I think we all need a break before we go crazy.”

 She wants to object, but part of her knows he's right. They’re going crazy. Mostly her, but she can tell it’s affecting her family too, despite how desperately she wishes it wasn’t. She reluctantly swallows her anger for now - most of it is only poorly concealed guilt, anyway - and nods.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” The tension fades from his expression as he exhales, watching her like he’s searching for signs of protest.

Amy shrugs. “I feel like the world’s worst parent. But sure.”

“You’re not,” he whispers, wrapping her in a hug as she buries her face in his neck for comfort. “This is just really, really hard.”

-

Her bad conscience is even worse when she wakes up the next morning. It's made easier by Leah jumping with glee at the question of whether she wants to have a sleepover at grandma’s house, but hugging her daughter goodbye at daycare is still extra difficult. It takes five minutes longer than usual and enough cheek kisses to make the toddler try to wriggle herself out of Amy’s arms, and she’s still fighting tears when she gets in the car. She turns the music up so she won’t have to think, but her phone shuffles to Paper Rings by Taylor Swift and endless memories of family dance parties to the song flood her brain.

She turns it off.

Five seconds later, she turns it on again and lets the memories be a welcome reminder of why she has to keep fighting. By the time she reaches the precinct’s garage, she’s singing along at the top of her lungs.

 She expects her first day back at work to be complicated, making abundantly clear how much she’s missed out on, but it’s not. After helping Holt out with a briefing, going through emails and submitting a work order for another broken fridge, she’s back to feeling like her efficient, professional self. She can do this. She can move on with her life and put this behind her. She can even follow the squad out for drinks later and have a glass of red wine for the first time in two months, enough to get her tipsy and laugh too loud at Rosa’s narration of a lively debate between Charles and a suspect about the ranking of different cheeses. Karen texts her a video of Leah pretending she’s Elsa from Frozen and gliding over the living room floor while singing the same lines of Let It Go on repeat, and her heart aches a little, but the guilt is easing. Jake sends her an update on the stakeout, asking if she’s doing okay, and for once, she doesn’t have to lie when she writes back I’m doing good.

 -

 She starts her second day back doing paperwork, but she doesn’t get far before she’s interrupted.

“Hey. Amy.”

She looks up from the stack of papers. “Rosa?”

“I need your help with this witness.” Rosa cocks her head in the direction of the corridor. “I know she saw my perp, but she’s confused and I don’t think she trusts me. I was wondering if you could help me talk to her? You’re much better with the emotional ones.”

“Ooh!” Amy shines up. “Is this another case for the Sleuth Sisters?”

“If it’s what gets you on board, then, sure.”

 Rosa briefs her on the case before they go in, and it doesn't take much to wake Amy's excitement. As much as she loves being a lieutenant, likes the administrative work and appreciates the more flexible hours, she does miss the constant surprises and adrenaline rushes that come with being out in the field. She even misses this, the simple interacting with people in order to both help them and discover new clues, anything leading closer to a solved case. She enters the room with a pep in her step and an ambition to help, but freezes when she sees the witness.

 At first, she wonders if it's the same tension she’s felt the handful of times she's had to question a familiar face - an identical twin of a high school bully, or a former neighbor she held a grudge against - but it only takes a closer look to realize that's not the issue. Amy doesn't recognize this woman.

The witness simply happens to be very pregnant.

 She doesn’t ask, because it’s not pertinent to the case, but Amy would put the woman at around six-seven months. Too far along for it to go unnoticed, not yet at the point where it looks like you’ve swallowed an exercise ball. She remembers loving that part of pregnancy, with the nausea gone and the energy returning. Her jealousy is a physical ache when she sees the witness placing her palm high up on her stomach, smiling in the same way Amy remembers she would do whenever she’d feel kicks.

The woman is shy at first, talking in a low voice with short sentences, and she keeps her hands atop the baby bump the whole time. Amy doesn’t blame her - she knows how naturally the instinct comes - but it doesn’t keep her from wishing the woman would stop drawing more attention to her state.

She doesn’t remember what questions she asks. She doesn’t remember what the woman answers. She makes notes but isn’t sure what she’s writing. All she can focus on is how the witness seems to personify the romanticized pregnancy glow, with shiny, thick hair and a cute bump. Amy’s using so much willpower in order not to cry, panic, or leave the room, it’s making her sweat, and yet she can tell from Rosa’s quizzical glances that her behavior is conspicuous. She can’t hide her envious anxiety, because every instance the woman touches her belly is another reminder of the pregnancy Amy thought she had and lost.

 Amy rushes towards the women’s bathroom the second it’s over. She needs to breathe, put her head between her knees and let the tears come until she’s cried out every drop of frustration over her situation, the unfairness of it all, the deep shame in not even being able to feel happy for someone else anymore. She’s disgusted with herself. Eight months of limbo trying to conceive has officially made her insane.

She’s leaning over the sink and splashing cold water on her face when Rosa catches up with her.

“Amy? What the fuck was that about?”

“Nothing. It was nothing,” she rambles. “I’m good. Great.”

“No, you’re acting weirder than usual, and something’s clearly up. Come on.” Rosa’s grip on her wrist is firm without feeling pressuring, and Amy’s too shaky to protest, so she follows her friend to the evidence locker.

“Can you sit down?” Amy nods. “Okay, great. Do you need your meds?” She manages another, more tentative, nod. “Okay, wait here and I’ll get them. Handbag, outer pocket, right?”

 Rosa disappears before she can confirm the information. She returns a couple of minutes later with two cups of tea and a prescription bottle, handing Amy the anxiety medication and gesturing at her to sit down before giving her a stern look.

“Okay, Santiago. Tell me what’s up before I get mad at you for making that witness feel weirded out.”

“I’m sorry.” Amy twists the cap, swallowing one of the pills before sitting down on the floor next to Rosa, their backs against a shelf of cardboard boxes. “You didn’t tell me she was pregnant.”

“No, because I didn’t know it was something you would act all loony about.” Rosa raises a brow. “What’s up? Are you pregnant again? That’s usually when you’re crying in here.”

She sighs, twisting back the cap and placing it on the floor beside her. “No, I’m not pregnant.”

“So?”

“We’ve been trying since fall,” Amy blurts out, admitting it to someone else for the first time in six months. “With IVF, now, but I’m still not pregnant. I almost was. Or I was, but I had an early miscarriage, so… no.”

Rosa nods slowly, bringing the cup of tea to her lips. “Damn.”

“It took eight months before we got a positive test. Ovulation testing, scheduling, IVF with shots and pills and money and a billion doctor’s visits. Then we finally found out I was pregnant.” The words are flying out of her, an unstoppable flow once she’s found them. “Except not even a day later, we found out it wasn’t happening, the numbers were too low. Chemical pregnancy. It’s why I was gone last week.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” She bites her lip. “God, it’s so good to tell someone.” “Uh-huh. Wait.” Rosa scrunches her nose and knits her brows like Amy just critiqued The Holiday. “You haven’t told anyone?”

Amy laughs. “How would I do that? Call a briefing, stand in front of everyone and say hi, just so everyone knows, I’m trying to have another baby but I have shitty ovaries so it’s not going well and it’s making me depressed? Sure.”

“Not a public announcement, dum-dum. But you could have told your friends.”

“I didn’t want people to know. It’s been hard enough to deal with on my own. ”

“And I get that,” Rosa nods. “But there are people here who care about you. We could have been there for you.”

“How? Steered me away from every pregnant woman in case I start crying? I’m sorry, Rosa, but I don’t see how it would work.”

“Maybe not, but we could have helped! I could have known not to ask you to work with me on this specific witness instead of sitting through that shitshow!” She groans. “I know you hate accepting help or whatever, but you’re not alone in this, even if you think you are.”

Amy looks down at her shoes. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry. Just… don’t torture yourself over this more than you have to. It’s not worth it.”

 They sit like that for another moment, no sounds but the occasional sips of tea and heavy breaths as Amy feels the anxiety fade from a heavy storm to a cool breeze. She still feels guilty over ruining the case for Rosa, for the poor pregnant woman who probably thinks Amy’s a sociopath, but the tea and company are helping more than she can express. She knows Rosa’s right, too - she’s been keeping this pain mostly to herself for so long, never considering the option of talking about it. It’s a little bit of performance anxiety, a little bit of embarrassment and a little bit of stigma. She’s not supposed to struggle with getting pregnant.

 “I guess I was afraid if I talked about it, it would make it more real.” The realization takes shape as she speaks it. “Like, as long as we didn’t tell anyone, I could pretend it wasn’t happening.”

“But it’s already real, isn’t it? Talking about it won’t change that.”

“I guess not.”

Much to Amy’s surprise, her friend, who could and probably would break Amy’s arm if she hugged her without asking, lays a hand on her shoulder and squeezes it gently.

“Look, I get if you don’t want to talk about it right now. It’s fine. But if you want to come over tonight, watch a Nancy Meyers movie and drink tequila, you can. I won’t bully you if you cry.”

The sentiment is sweet, and so very Rosa of her, it makes Amy throw her arms around her best friend in gratitude, risking the fact that she might lose her arm. Rosa grunts, but then she leans into the hug for a brief, precious moment before disentangling herself.

“I’ll expect you at eight,” Rosa says before collecting their teacups and standing up. “Bring pizza.”

This time, Amy manages a proper smile. “I’ll be there.”

 -

 She tries to get back to work, but her focus is done and the precinct appears calm, so she takes the freedom of working from home for the rest of the day. There are only three hours left until she’s supposed to pick up Leah, anyway, and the apartment could use some cleaning. Her daughter’s room, in particular, is a mess so thorough Amy’s nearly impressed, but mostly shocked by how a person so tiny can create so much chaos. There’s no question about which parent the child inherited her non-existent organization skills from, she thinks, and gets to work on pairing together different puzzle pieces with their boxes.

 It’s when she’s laying on her stomach, trying to get a hold of the pieces that’s made their way underneath Leah’s bed, that she finds something. There’s a plastic bag pushed all the way to the wall, and she reaches for it to see what it is. She can’t see clearly through the packaging, so she unwraps it, pulling out a white toddler-size t-shirt with black arms and fancified gold writing that reads Promoted To Big Sister.

The heaviness in her chest returns with a vengeance when she realizes Jake must have ordered it - either during the few hours they thought they were having another baby, or even earlier. She clutches the item to her chest and closes her eyes, anticipating the tears.

 “Shit. I was hoping you wouldn’t find that.”

Amy turns her head to find Jake standing in the door opening. It's clear from the messy hair and crumpled t-shirt that he's coming straight from a long work shift without showering first, and the bags under his eyes make her wonder when he last slept.

“It's okay,” she says quickly, folding the item so she can't see the design. “Just… can you take it?”

He nods, taking it from her hands and sitting down across from her on the gray long-pile rug, putting the shirt behind his back.

“I can hide that better. I'm sorry.”

“Don't be.” Amy snivels. “It's fine. I'm fine.” She stands up, picking up a stuffed Ikea shark from the floor and putting it on Leah's bed.

“You're cleaning.”

“Yeah.” She finds an illustrated Harry Potter-book at the foot of the bed and returns it to its shelf. “It calms me. How was the stakeout?”

“Good,” he nods. “How are you?”

“I'm okay. I think. How are you?”

His smile bears heavy traces of exhaustion. “Also okay, I think. Did a lot of thinking while I was away, actually.”

“Yeah.” Amy picks up a basket of fabric vegetables, putting them near the play kitchen before she sits down across from Jake again. “So did I.”

“Do you want to share, or…?”

“No - you go first.”

 Jake grimaces. They’ve gotten better at this over the years, finding a balance between his hesitancy to lay bare his emotions in serious conversation and her tendency to read into details and draw the worst conclusions posthaste, but she can still sense his discomfort as he reaches for a stuffed dragon from Leah’s bed, squeezing it to keep his hands occupied.

“I know I don’t know what it feels like,” he says slowly. “It’s not my body that’s…”

“Broken,” she fills in reflexively.

“Putting up a bit of a fight,” he corrects her with an unyielding look. “But you’ve been acting a bit like it doesn’t hurt for me, too. I know it was only a day, but for that day… I was already ordering that shirt for Lee, you know? I was so excited.”

“I know. I’ve really been busy feeling sorry for myself, huh?” She tries to laugh, but the chuckle dies out like a droplet of water swallowed by a raging fire.

“No, you’ve been suffering. Don’t be mad at yourself for that. Just… you’re not alone in this.” His hand reaches out to hold hers, and she squeezes it tight.

“It’s funny. Rosa told me the same thing today.”

“You talked to Rosa?”

“Yeah. I’m going over there for Nancy Meyers and tequila tonight.”

“Good, you need it.”

“I do, huh?” This time, the quiet laughter survives. The corners of Jake’s mouth quirk up.

 She's missed seeing him smile, she realizes. She's missed sharing happiness with him. They’ve had moments of hope, and even when everything has felt dark, they've still smiled and had fun with their daughter; but she wonders when they last laughed at something trivial just the two of them. It feels like ages.

“I miss our normal life,” she says, because it's the only way she can think of to describe it. “I’m sorry I brought you into this mess. It's all my fault.”

Jake frowns. “No, we agreed on trying IVF.”

“I meant, I'm sorry we're struggling at all.”

“I don't think I get it -”

“It's my body that's the problem, right? If only you’d married a woman with well-functioning ovaries, you wouldn't be sitting here.”

 She's serious, but the way he narrows his eyes and looks at her like he doesn't know if she's joking or not, makes her giggle. He joins in, shaking his head in disbelief, and for a moment, it feels like old times.

“I know this might be hard to believe,” he grins, “but Amy Santiago, I did not marry you for your ovaries.”

“Well, that's a relief.”

“I swear. I love you, more than anything in the world except our daughter, and that means I love all parts of you.”

“Even my shitty ovaries?”

Jake rolls his eyes lovingly. “They wouldn't be the first thing I listed, but, yes. I love them too.”

She laughs again. “Thanks, babe.”

“You're welcome.”

“I love you, too.” Amy closes the short bit of distance between them, wrapping him in a close hug as they sit there on the carpet. She's sniveling again, drying her eyes against his flannel, and he strokes her upper back and kisses the top of her head as he holds her. “So, so much.”

 They sit like that for a moment, not moving more than the slightest of shifts, another soft kiss pressed to a neck or a cheek.

“Do you want to think about the next step?” Jake asks, and she nods.

“We still have two frozen embryos left - we could transfer those and hope one sticks.”

His eyes gleam in that mischievous way she recognizes so well, maybe even from the first day they became partners. “And are we doing both at once?”

“I guess we might as well, right?”

Jake pumps his fist in a childish victory gesture, and it's Amy's turn to roll her eyes. Her skepticism is half-hearted, though, because it's hard to remain unaffected by his infectious happiness.

“I can't wait to be a family of five with you,” he whispers into her ear, pulling her onto his lap, and she groans.

“You’ve got to stop saying that, I swear you’re going to jinx it.”

  ~

 august.

Maybe it’s the fact that she’s gotten used to it, that she’s not forcing her body to produce an unnatural amount of mature eggs, or that she’s filled with so much now-or-never furious ambition, but Amy experiences their second attempt with fertility treatments to flow much easier. She takes the medications, is thankful they don’t involve as many injections this time, goes to checkups, and does all she can to maximize her chances in the meantime. No tip is too absurd in comparison with her desperation for this to succeed. She tries acupuncture and changes her diet. She cuts back on caffeine despite the headaches it gives her, and takes even more vitamins. She does a few tries at fertility yoga, which mostly fail when Jake walks in on her doing a very wobbly supported shoulder stand and explodes in laughter, or when Leah insists on watching and is silent for exactly one minute before she wants to use Amy as a jungle gym and tries to climb on top of her in bridge pose. At first, Amy’s frustrated, but then she thinks of the sources she’s read about laughter being able to boost fertility, and lets the yoga session turn into a giggling tickle fight with her toddler. It’s much more fun, anyway.

 She continues the tips after the transfer, too. She wears fuzzy socks for her day of bed rest even though it’s the end of July and their bedroom is uncomfortably heated as is, because keeping your feet warm is supposed to boost chances of implantation. She orders jasmine scented candles for the same reason, but it only takes a minute after lighting one for her to realize she’s wildly allergic. In the end, there’s nothing to do but wait, hope, and try to relax.

 They decide to go all-in for the relaxation part. Truthfully, it’s not as much a decision as an offer from Charles and Genevieve to tag along for free on their family vacation after a pair of Boyle cousins dropped out, and not as much relaxation as it is a change of environment to chase their dare-devil two-and-a-half-year-old around in, but it is a paid-for one-week-trip to a family-friendly resort in Mexico and they’re not going to say no. Amy packs two pregnancy tests in her bag, and they’re on their way.

She worries about whether being on vacation with Charles will inevitably mean an abundance of intrusive questions and terrifying dining choices, but either Genevieve or Jake must keep him in check, because it’s neither. Rather, having two extra adults present ends up hugely improving the vacation - there's always someone guarding the kids, and Amy finds herself finishing reading one book, a poetry collection and listening to two podcasts already in the first four days. She gets her daily workout in by chasing Leah around, trying to prevent her from jumping headfirst from the deep end of the pool. She takes turns with Jake to pretend they're sea monsters who want to eat Leah's toes while she floats around with her swim ring and puffs, laughing merrily at them both. She discovers that the best way to get her daughter to let her put on sunscreen is if she gets to watch YouTube clips on the iPad meanwhile, and reaffirms that the best way to get Jake to put it on is to do it for him, then accept his offer of returning the favor. They try out all of the resort’s playgrounds and eat a ton of ice cream to keep cool. On one of the days, Jake and Leah take a nap together in the shadow spooning on a daybed, and Amy takes about a hundred pictures before scooching her bed as close to theirs as possible.

With her heart full, and her relaxation levels higher than they've been for a long time, she almost forgets it's time to take a pregnancy test.

 -

 It's evening by the time she remembers.

Charles and Genevieve have offered to babysit Leah for a night in exchange for Jake and Amy watching Nikolaj the next, which gives them the rare chance to have a proper date night. Amy gets dressed up, opting to go the extra mile with a sleek, black, v-neck dress that hasn’t seen the light of day since their honeymoon, and paints her lips a matte red for a pop of color. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, she worries it’s too much - the dress sits tighter over her hips than it used to and the makeup feels like she’s overcompensating - but the way Jake’s gaze lands on her once she steps out, how his eyes widen and he swallows a gulp of air, makes her stresses dissipate.

Eight years of dating, five years of marriage, and he still looks at her with as much awe as he did their first night together.

He’s wearing a familiar pastel pink button-down, paired tastefully with dark jeans and the curls she still goes crazy for, so Amy figures she looks at him the same way.

 It is with great willpower they make it down to the restaurant in time for their reservation, only stopping once to make out against the wall of a hotel corridor. They’re seated at a nice table near a window with an ocean view, and it takes the waiter placing two drink menus on their table for Amy to realize why it feels like she’s forgotten something.

“Shit,” she mumbles, biting her lip as she reads the wine list.

Jake looks up, a horrified look on his face. “What? Don't tell me they only have Orangina for orange soda.”

“No, it’s not that. I just remembered I don’t know if I can drink. I forgot to take a pregnancy test.”

“That’s today?”

“Yeah. I was going to take it this morning, but then we slept in and Leah woke us up by jumping in our bed...” “And then Charles knocked on our door and asked us to come down to the breakfast buffet in five minutes,” Jake nods, bringing his hand up to his chin as if he’s in deep thought. “Well, we could leave and take it now?”

Amy considers it, but as much as she wants to find out, she also wants to sit here forever. Something about the restaurant’s lighting is making her husband look especially gorgeous, and it’s been way too long since they last sat through a proper nice dinner. She needs this. They need this.

“No,” she decides, intertwining her hand with his across the table. “Let’s have a quick dinner. I won’t drink anything, and then we’ll take a test.”

“Okay. Then I won’t drink either,” Jake declares, flipping to the non-alcoholic drinks with his free hand. “Yes! Regular orange soda!”

“You don’t have to just because I can’t -”

“Ames, I’m repeating, regular orange soda. This is the opposite of a problem. Plus,” he shrugs, “I literally just want to spend time with you.”

His tone is so genuine, his smile so sweet, she can’t stop herself from leaning forward and kissing him despite the looks from their fellow restaurant-goers.

 The dinner is wonderful, yet Amy can’t shake her nervousness. It bothers her. She’s having a luxurious meal, toasting in fruity soda together with the love of her life, and she can’t even be fully present in this moment because she’s worried about what the test will show. If this attempt has failed, she’ll have to do another full round of IVF, even though the thought of more injections makes her want to scream. If they get another negative test, it’ll be ten months and counting of this taking up too big a part of their lives, and Amy’s tired.

She wants to be pregnant and she wants to have another baby, but she also wants to enjoy life with her family without worrying about cycles, ovulation tests, and clinic check-ups. She wants to go on more of these date nights, more vacations, and share a glass of wine with her husband in the evening because she can. She’s tired of rules and recommendations, of counting, scheduling, and planning. For ten months she’s tried to be patient, but now the exhaustion has begun to creep over her.

They rush back to the suite once the dinner is done. Jake waits outside the bathroom while she takes the test, tries to make her hands stop shaking as she washes them, and carefully places the test display-down on the sink. He hugs her when she comes out, and she lets herself relax for a second in his arms even though she feels sick with anxiety.

They sit on the balcony, drinking from glasses of alcohol-free champagne in silence until the timer on her phone rings. Jake goes to get the test from the bathroom, but Amy feels like she knows the result before he’s given it to her.

 The test shows a bolded, plain, Not Pregnant, and she scoots it with her foot across the balcony, getting it as far away as possible.

“I’m sorry, “ Jake whispers, letting her lean her head on his shoulder and squeezing her hand.

She exhales, forcing herself not to cry. “So am I.”

“What do we do now?”

“First, I say we order a bottle of real champagne.”

Jake raises an eyebrow, but he doesn’t object.

 Much like it was a sudden thought that awakened a long lingering feeling when she first suggested they’d start trying, this time it's the immediate and overpowering negativity bringing up the growing sensation of impending burnout, that makes her say what she's thinking.

“I want to stop.”

Jake looks at her with as much shock as if she’d said she was thinking of canceling her Staples Rewards Membership. “You want to… stop?”

She nods.

“Like.. just… stopping?”

“You heard me. I don't think I want to do this anymore.” Amy draws a shaky breath, looking down at their intertwined hands. “If we have another go at IVF, we have to do the whole thing again. I guess we could, but it’s so much money, Jake.”

“We could work it out,” he mumbles.

“We could. I just don't know if I want to.”

“But… you wanted another baby.”

“And I still do.” She thinks of all the families she’s seen at the resort over the last few days. Sisters and brothers playing together, a light-haired toddler taking a break from swinging to run and kiss their baby sibling’s head, tiny infants with sunhats and baby swimsuits eliciting screams of happiness from being in the water while their big siblings try to entertain them. It’s painful to imagine never having her dream of more than one kid fulfilled, but it’s infinitely more agonizing to feel like she’s missing out on the wonderful life she does have.

“But it's been so long. It’s been so much pain, time and tears, and I'm still not pregnant. Remember when you said we’d do IVF as long as I felt it was worth it for me?”

Jake nods slowly. He’s watching her with a wistful look on his face, which is somehow more heartbreaking than the negative test.

“I don't think it is worth it for me anymore,” she whispers.

“I… are you sure, Ames?”

“No,” she confesses. “Yes. For now, I’m sure.”

 He wraps his arms around her again, neither of them saying anything as she twists her head so their foreheads are touching. Trailing her fingers against his jawline, she cups his face, lips brushing against his with the softness of doing it for the first time and the familiarity of doing it for the thousandth. He’s a little surprised by the move, but then he’s kissing her back just as carefully, one hand tangling in her hair before he draws back.

“I’ll go get us that bottle of champagne,” he says, and squeezes her hand another time before leaving.

 The sun’s starting to set, painting the sky a captivating roseate-orange blend. It fills Amy with a sense of peace and relief - a hope that her life will soon feel more like her own again.

Checking her phone inside, she sees that Charles has texted them a picture of a soundly sleeping Leah. She ignores the trio of winking emojis he’s written after encouraging them to have a good night and sends back two hearts instead. She’s already missing her daughter so badly it’s physically painful, and her eyes linger on the picture long after she’s replied, but she reminds herself that tomorrow is only hours away. Tonight is date night, and she’s determined to make it a good one despite its unconventional start.

 Jake returns ten minutes later, all out of breath from what he describes as a brisk walk to the corner store to buy the fanciest bottle they had for a decent price, and she smiles and kisses his cheek before accepting a glass.

“This is beautiful,” she says, moving aside so there’s space for him on the patio loveseat.

“The sunset?”

“This night. The sunset. You.”

“You’re beautiful-ler.” His reply is as reflexive as her eye-roll.

“I mean it. I want to enjoy this night with you. Hell, I just want to enjoy my life,” Amy gives the abandoned test a death-glare, “without this constant stress. It’s ruining everything.”

“It hasn’t ruined everything...”

“No, but everything would still be better if it wasn’t there, you know?” She shrugs and he nods, taking a sip from his glass. “I want to get back to our normal life. This vacation is making me realize how much I miss it.”

“What do you miss?”

“Being relaxed. Having any sort of free time. I miss being able to just live our lives with our amazing daughter, and not be constantly thinking of whether I’ve taken this and that medication or gone to this and that appointment and what day of what cycle it is.”

“I get that.” There’s a playful smile on his lips, and she’s about to ask what he thinks is so funny before he speaks again. “Do you think maybe we make such great kids that the universe couldn’t handle more than one? Think about it! Your brain, and my good looks - maybe it’s too powerful a combination, and if we have more children, everything will, like.. explode.”

It’s a ludicrous theory, but he delivers it with so much conviction it makes her snort, laughing until there are tears in her eyes.

“I’ll have to admit,” she says when she can finally form words again, “it sounds way more plausible than any other explanation.”

 There’s a lighter atmosphere between them after his joke, the warm evening air a little easier to breathe. They change the topic, drink more wine, and she makes less note of what they’re talking about than how content she’s feeling. It's like just making the decision to stop and accept the situation, rather than doing everything in her power to change it, is a giant block of stone off her shoulders. Without it, she can feel like herself again. The painful thought of never having another baby still bites at her, but for once, she's able to push it aside and refill her glass instead.

She wonders when they last had a proper date night like this. She’s certain it’s been too long - if nothing else, then for the way she finds her eyes resting in certain places after a while. The one unbuttoned button on his shirt, revealing a bit of slightly tanned chest. The way his fingers wrap around the thin glass. His neck, practically asking to be peppered with nips and bites. His arms, his hands, the thighs she can't help but rest her hand on.

A moment of deep eye contact, meeting his curiosity before she blushes, looking away.

 “Another thing I miss about my life,” she says, struck with sudden confidence. “Having sex with you without always thinking about whether I’ll get pregnant.”

“Woah there.” Jake coughs, examining her expression. “Did you have four drinks already?”

She shakes her head.

“Hmm. Anyway - it's okay, Ames.”

“For you, maybe.” She swallows the last in her glass. “Less so for me.”

His cheeks turn a dark crimson. “I'm sorry -”

“It's not your fault,” she assures him. “Honestly, I haven't let it be about me. Or us. But - god - I miss it being just for pleasure.”

“Me too.”

The heated glance he gives her is a physical sensation, making desire pool in the pit of her stomach and sending her nerves on full alert when his hand touches her bare inner thigh, softly stroking.

“I can't remember when we last were child-free together for a whole night,” she whispers, and he smiles a knowing smile. “Let's make the most of it.”

“If you say so.”

She pulls him in for a searing kiss, sighing with pleasure as he moves his hand higher, closer to where she's aching for if to be.

“Let's go inside, babe.”

 She’s nervous about so many things - whether she’ll change her mind tomorrow, whether this counts as giving up, if it makes her weak - but as Jake’s fingers brush over the faint bruises from the last injections with so much reverence, and he makes a point of kissing the thin white stripes on her lower abdomen that remain tangible proof she once carried their child inside of her, she decides those thoughts can wait. His lips move to her centre, and she gasps so sharply, he places a hand on her hip to keep her still.

“Don’t you dare stop,” she breathes, feeling the vibrations of his laugh before he sucks harder and everything is forgotten except the blissful sensation of his tongue against her and the building, pleasant tension as he pushes her closer to the edge.

 It’s a night of relief, in more than one sense.

 ~

[searchingwardrobes]

Self-Promo Sunday: Everyone Needs a Mother

I was inspired to write this story after reading a novel called No Other Will Do by Karen Witemeyer. In it, the main character is an orphan (who reminded me a lot of Killian Jones, actually), and even as an adult with a good job, he sets aside food whenever he eats. This is actually more of a Snowing and in particular a Mama Snow story than Captain Swan, which is part of the reason I’m deleting it from Ao3. However, I still love the feels in this story and hope ya’ll do too!

Summary: Snow notices a habit that her daughter and her son-in-law share, and it breaks her mothering heart. So, like any good mother, she decides to do something about it.

Rating:G (though discussions of children going hungry could be a trigger for some)

Words: 1500 and some change

On Ao3 until 11/24/19

Tagging the usuals: @snowbellewells​​​​​ @jennjenn615​​​​​ @kday426​​​​​ @let-it-raines​​​​​ @teamhook​​​​​ @kmomof4​​​​​ @bethacaciakay​​​​​ @profdanglaisstuff​​​​​ @resident-of-storybrooke​​​​​ @thislassishooked​​​​​ @tiganasummertree​​​​​  @whimsicallyenchantedrose​ @snidgetsafan​​​​​ @delirious-latenight-laughs​​​​​​ @winterbaby89​​​​​​ @distant-rose​​​​​​ @shireness-says​​​​​​ @xhookswenchx​​​​​​ @optomisticgirl​​​​​​ @spartanguard​​​​​​ @branlovestowrite​​​​​​ @welllpthisishappening​​​​​​ @hollyethecurious​​​​​​ @stahlop​​​ @scientificapricot​​​

The first time Snow noticed the habit in Emma, they were friends and roommates, ignorant of the fact that they were actually mother and daughter. They were chatting over breakfast as Emma toasted a bagel, slathering one half with cream cheese. The other she wrapped in a napkin before racing out the door. Snow shrugged it off assuming Emma was just in a hurry and finishing her breakfast on the run. But the pattern continued. One pancake and the other to go, one sugar cookie from the booth on Miner’s Day and one slipped in the inside pocket of her leather jacket. Snow finally came to the realization that her friend squirreled away food. To test her theory, she made a huge breakfast one morning with all the works: pancakes, bacon, eggs, and toast. There was no way Emma could slip any of that in her pocket.

But she could wrap up the plate in aluminum foil and slip it in the fridge.

The first time she noticed Killian’s similar habit, she had other, more pressing matters on her mind. Like the shiny steel hook that had her jaw dropping as she pulled it from his satchel. She didn’t really have time to think about the half a hard-tack biscuit wrapped in a handkerchief at the bottom. Exactly half of the biscuit they had given him back at the camp when they thought he was just a blacksmith.

When life slowed down, Snow noticed Emma and her true love’s habit more and more. When Snow asked them over for dinner, they never finished their plates, always asking for Tupperware at the end of the evening for the leftovers. Every time they met for meals at Granny’s, Emma and Killian had to ask for a two-go box. When Regina jokingly asked why they didn’t just share a plate like Lady and the Tramp, the pair looked up with bewildered expressions. That was when Snow realized the habit was so ingrained, they didn’t even realize they were doing it.

She started watching them more closely. Killian was methodical, cutting a pancake precisely in half or running a spoon evenly down a mound of mashed potatoes. Even so, he did it on autopilot, often continuing in lively conversation as he dissected his meal. Though Emma was generally more haphazard about it, sometimes pausing before a bite, then lowering the food as she seemed to think better of it; she did count out her onion rings carefully, dividing them into two neat piles.

The refrigerator at the Jones house was packed with leftovers. When Snow commented on it to Henry, he had shrugged, eyes never leaving his video game.

“Our refrigerator in New York was the same,” he told her distractedly, “Walsh threw stuff out that had been in there for months.”

It was as if her daughter and her son-in-law were literally storing away food for the winter. She wouldn’t have been surprised to find a stock of canned goods in the shed like Doomsday Preppers. Except Emma and Killian seemed completely unaware of what they were doing.

The years rolled by and still Snow made no comment. Until her granddaughter came along and almost from the start became a food hoarder. On her second birthday, the child only finished half her slice of cake and asked, “Gamma, can I has some tuppa?” The same thing she heard her parents ask after every family dinner.

Things had gone too far, so she decided to talk it over with David. They were doing the dishes together one night, when Snow brought it up.

“David, have you noticed that both Emma and Killian only eat half of their food?”

David’s brow creased as he thought about it. “Yeah, I guess so,” then he chuckled, “that explains why they’re both so thin despite Emma’s junk food obsession.”

Snow frowned, her eyes narrowing, “It isn’t funny, David. It isn’t just that they only eat half; they save the rest for later.”

David sighed as he took in his wife’s expression. He dried his hands on the kitchen towel slung over his shoulder as he turned to her. “Honey, I know it worries you, but it’s just an old habit.”

“A habit they picked up as orphans,” Snow cried, “and before you say I’m jumping to conclusions, I asked Archie about it.”

David shrugged, “Well, that makes sense, they both spent many years unsure where their next meal was coming from. Even as adults, they had it rough. Emma admitted to you sleeping in her car was nothing new, and I’m sure pirates have lean times quite often.”

“But they don’t have to worry about that now. They have steady jobs, a roof over their heads, and even if they lost those things, they have a huge family and a town full of friends who would never let them go hungry.” Snow was pacing now, her anxiety rising. David stopped her with gentle hands to her shoulders.

“Like I said, sweetheart, it’s just a habit. Now that I’m thinking about it, I know that you’re right. But I also know that they aren’t even aware that they do it. It isn’t hurting anyone.”

Snow tilted her head up to scowl at her husband. “It’s hurting Hope. She’s picked up the habit. The other day I gave her two chocolate chip cookies, but right before she took a bite of the second one, she stopped. Asked me to wrap it up for her. Do you know what she said? Never know when the stores might get low.”

She saw David’s mouth twitch up and knew he was suppressing a laugh. “So Killian has taught her some sailor’s wisdom. Self-control and saving for later aren’t bad ideas, actually.”

Snow crossed her arms and stared at the floor for a moment in thought. Then she looked back up at her husband thoughtfully. “Maybe I should talk to them.”

David’s eyes went wide as he shook his head. “No, Snow, no! Do you know how embarrassed they both would be? And I know how you and Emma get when her days as an orphan come up.”

“What do you mean?”

David sighed deeply. “You start feeling guilty and then Emma feels bad for making you feel bad. It never ends well. Look. I know you want to mother them, but believe me, it’s best to drop it.”

Snow knew he was right, even as a frown marred her face. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his chest as he held her close. He kissed the top of her head, and her eyes slipped shut. Her husband’s words replayed in her mind. I know you want to mother them.

Snow’s eyes flew open and she smiled. That was it!

**************************************************

Snow tried to be subtle about it: an extra scoop of mashed potatoes, a larger roast for family dinners, a slightly larger slice of pie. She even got Granny in on it, convincing the woman to give Emma an order and a half of onion rings. Or at least she thought she was being subtle. Then Emma cornered her in the kitchen after a family dinner at the farm house.

“Okay Mom, what’s up?”

Snow schooled her features as she turned from the refrigerator to see Emma standing there with her arms crossed. Snow mimicked her, crossing her own arms and leaning back against the appliance. “What are you talking about?”

Emma rolled her eyes. “I’m talking about the obscenely large slice of chocolate cake you just served Killian.”

Snow laughed as she grabbed a cloth and began wiping down the counters. “Emma, he’s a grown man and a pirate. He can handle that much cake.”

“Please, Mom. You’re the world’s worst liar. I’ve noticed it for weeks now. The mountains of mashed potatoes, the extra-large roasts. And did you tell Granny to up my onion rings?”

Snow inwardly cursed as she felt heat rise to her pale cheeks. “Emma, you’re exaggerating.”

Her daughter arched an eyebrow and tapped her booted foot on the hardwood floor. “Mhm. Okay. What is it? Think we need fattening up? Worried we’re wasting away?”

Well, at least this Snow could answer honestly. She lifted her eyes to meet Emma’s. “Of course not, honey. You may be thin, but look at those arms of yours. I’ve seen you wrestle beasts, literally. And Killian may be slim, but I’ve seen those biceps when he actually takes off that leather jacket. You’re healthy as horses.”

A smile tilted Emma’s mouth, “You checking out my husband’s biceps, Mom?”

Snow laughed and flicked her daughter with the kitchen towel. “If I wanted to check out some hot biceps, I’d just admire your father with his shirt off.”

Emma’s nose crinkled, “Ew, mom, TMI!”

They both laughed for a minute or two, and then Snow came close and cupped her daughter’s face in her hands. “Can you trust me, Emma? You and Killian both went far too long without a mother, and I aim to fix that. Please?”

Snow could tell her daughter was trying valiantly to remain composed, but the sheen of tears in her eyes gave her away. Emma nodded then stepped from her mother’s embrace. Before turning to go, she shook the unshed tears away and flashed her mother a grin.

“I’m okay with that.”

***************************************************

At the next family dinner, Snow was filling up plates and passing them around the large dining room table in the farm house’s formal dining room. When she handed her daughter a loaded plate, Emma just winked and smiled at her mother. Then Snow added an extra scoop to Killian’s already massive mound of mashed potatoes, and handed him a plate as well.

The pirate winked at her as he accepted the heavy plate. “Thank you, Mother Snow.”

[edgewoodrp]

A recap of character experiences from March 1st through September 30th, 2019.

Enjoy!

Audrey Mitchell

Went door to door searching for leads on the matter of Emilia Zimmerman’s mysterious disappearance.

Teased with an incomplete tale of misadventures featuring drink vouchers and drag queens.

Became a roadside savior to a car broken down on the back roads between Ashland and Edgewood.

Drank more caffeine than any one person reasonably should, no doubt

Met up with Russell Hemlock to freshen up his trivia skills before another game night at their usual haunt.

Had the worst Friday ever and, after letting some thoughts about her empty house get under her skin, talked herself into adopting a puppy.

Beatrice Larson

Beatrice had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. After a horrible morning, she got knocked into and spilt her coffee all over herself. David was nice enough to give her a spare shirt and a place to decompress

Beatrice was shocked by a bench after Claudia bumped into her on the street on Friday the 13th. She has no idea how or why the bench shocked her, it shouldn’t have happened like that.

Watched Audrey get shocked by a street lamp pole before the other woman knocked into her, spilling coffee.

Caterina Singh

After finally being awarded her promotion as a journalist (to write the gossip column under a penname), Cat went out celebrating and reconnected with some townies.

During a break at the summer festival, she explored the twisty fun-house with Tristan Kong and strange, unexplainable things happened.

For Valerie Bianchi’s birthday, Caterina hosted a small slumber party.

On an off day, she was reminded of some unfortunate events and had a small break down in front of Ronan North.

During Ashland Street Days, she helped some people find eclectic items after touring the booths several times and finding many oddities (seriously, who proudly displays a bedazzled cattle skull?!)

Charlotte Kingsley

Reconnected with her sister Bridgette, Preston Hawthorne, Rosie Arceneaux, Maxine Beauchamp, Monty McAllister, and other old friends upon her arrival back in Edgewood.

Got into a car accident with Mateo Garcia during the freak whiteout.

Took pictures of the local college campuses for Karen Pierce and the PTA for a collegiate project they’re working on.

Had a tense re-introduction to Trevor during the HAGS Carnival.

Wandered into the North Star Lounge purely by chance on the night of Logan Cree’s surprise birthday party.

David Elmasri

David rescued Preston Hawthorn from public humiliation and struck up a close friendship with him.

He found Juliet Hawthorn after she let out a significant amount of blood and became suspicious of whatever was behind this.

He saw himself destroying Brewed Awakenings in anger during a vision and brought a gun into reality. He buried the gun at Pleasant Rest Cemetery before anyone else could see, although he was caught in the woods with a shovel by Simon Romero-Martin.

He has been suffering with the internal conflict of his new found ability, unsure how to keep it under control or whether it has any benefit at all that is work the risk of getting caught.

Frankie Holloway

Frankie has been watching out for other patrons at bars.

Xe ran into Monty McAllister at the grocery store and caught up with him. 

On September 13th, which fell on a Friday in 2019, Frankie was plagued by visions all day and had little control over xir other powers. Xir sense of sight also faded as the day went on. 

Heather Payne

Heather has been growing increasingly frustrated with her job at Hope Wellness Pharmacy and is hoping for a chance to leave.

She is taking Wu Shu Kung Fu lessons from Tristan Kong, and she meets up with her friend Claudia Rinaldi after their kickboxing lessons together. She continues to also train in potion making and magic. 

She met Raiden Dryad when she attacked him outside of his club. Their next few encounters weren’t quite as hostile and they even saved a man’s life together, but there is still some tension. 

Friday the 13th in September of 2019 came with some strong side effects, including Heather losing control of her powers and almost exposing magic and her experiencing some intense visions.

Maggie See

Caught up with Maxine while spending the night out and a guy wouldn’t mind his own business.

Met Tristan when he rescued her from a creeper at a bar and then helped her deal with a potential panic attack.

Baked Trevor a rather lopsided cake for his birthday.

Maggie worked at the PTA carnival at the bake sale booth and taking tickets for the fun house, which gave her a funny feeling.

Reconnected with Monty at the carnival

Worked the bake sale booth with Trevor, made fun of Karen.Simon came and gave Maggie a break from the fun house

Logan came and tried to sell her raffle tickets

Mateo came and talked to her at the fun house

Valerie tried to get her to buy things from the bake sale table

Waited on Heather when she came into the diner, misunderstood her questions about another patron as finding him attractive

Ran into Valerie while out candle shopping, the two ended up browsing for candles together

Ran into Preston at the library, they chatted for a while and he asked her about baking advice, Maggie was surprised because she’s not had the best track record in the past.

Maggie saw a ghost and could not get away from it in time, resulting in her having a panic attack and freaking out on those who tried to help her.

Met Juliet, who was asking her all sorts of questions about ghosts. It seemed like she had a loved one that she wanted to talk to again. Maggie was not here for that, she just wanted to have a panic attack in peace, thanks.

Maxine helped her back to The Underworld

Heather tried her best to fight the ghosts for Maggie

Monty, being somewhat of a pro, helped Maggie get to somewhere farther away from the ghosts and helped her through her panic attack

Tristan wanted to get Maggie to a doctor, which she refused. He stilled helped her get to somewhere safer

She totally freaked out on Logan when he doubted the existence of ghosts

Maggie went to pick up some items that she had ordered from Miss Rosie and Simon was working the counter. They noticed what she was buying and tried to offer Maggie a protection charm, but Maggie didn’t realize that it was probably a gift and refused because she didn’t have enough money to buy anything else but what she had come in for.

Maggie went to the Underworld to celebrate Maxine’s birthday. She decided to let loose and get drunk, since it’s a space that she feels safe, and she knew that Maxine wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her in the club. She also made her a somewhat lopsided birthday cake.

Maggie found an ugly cat in the dumpster at work and brought it home, much to the annoyance of Trevor.

Ran into Monty on their terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. She could tell that he wasn’t doing so hot but was refusing her help. But she also wasn’t feeling too hot so decided to take advantage of the fact that he wouldn’t turn her away when in need to keep an eye on him as well.

Maxine Beauchamp

Got some outsider opinions on what event Underworld Night Club should host next.

Due to an odd encounter in the woods, Maxine has now, semi-reluctantly, become a mentor to Phoenix Castillo.

Made a pact with Bridgette to go sober, because they both caught each other in compromising positions, but it didn’t last that long.

Conspired with Simon to change the terrible music at the carnival to something less abrasive.

Thanks to the input of others, Underworld hosted a amateur drag show for Edgewood’s Pride Week.

Her suspicions were raised after running into another potential vampire at her night club, so she is updating Ronan on their shared list of suspects.

And now she has celebrated her 33rd trip around the sun with some close (and not so close) friends.

Monty McAllister

Got turned around looking for a grocery store and ended up running into his childhood best friend, Trevor Wells.

At the HAGS Carnival, he split a funnel cake with a friend, then visited several others at the food booths. Later, he was spotted by his older sister, and consequentially made his return to Edgewood known to his family.

After a big falling out with his family, Monty had a little heart-to-heart with Ronan North in the park, and later struggled to deal with the aftermath of the disastrous familial encounter.

Met Karen Pierce while they were both fleeing his older sister in a crowded shopping mall.

During the events of Friday the 13th, he struggled to deal with an onslaught of visions throughout the day, the most notable of which featured Simon and a Change.

Phoenix Castillo

Phoenix has surprised many people on her adventures through the woods. She has made a new friend in Valerie Bianchi this way, but only thoroughly confused Tristan Kong.

She has started training her telepathy with Maxine. 

She met Juliet Hawthorne at the Mystery Shack and found out that she is a vampire turned by Phoenix’s Great Uncle Leon. Phoenix is still hesitant around vampires though after some intense encounters with Logan Cree.

She has became friends with Preston Hawthorne after discovering a shared love of dance at the local library.

Raiden Dryad

Raiden and Juliet shared whiskey and exchanged taunts.

Met Caterina at Ashland Street Days and briefly discussed odd finds at the stalls.

Potentially insulted psychic werewolf Ronan North at Ashland Street Days about his father’s flannel shirts, and continued attempting to rile the wolf up.

Ran into Tristan outside the Crossroads Club, who was involved in an argument on his phone.

Had a suspicious meeting with Claudia after she barged into his club and admitted she had unestablished business with one of Raiden’s employees.

Almost beheaded Valerie with a mobile phone and had an odd conversation with them with supernatural-related jibing. Is currently attempting to suss out who and what they are at the Grille.

Was jumped by a blade-wielding Heather and came to a reluctant truce with the witch.

Tried to help Juliet hunt down Hawthorne birth records whilst acquiring his own sustainable blood supply at the hospital.

Introduced himself to Logan at the other vampire’s birthday party.

Offered Monty some guidance in choosing a dinner wine for his family dinner.

With some assistance, Raiden helped save a stranger’s life from a car accident.

Ronan North

Tracked down Wesley Callaghan with the help of his bartender, Evangeline Priestly, after Wes skipped out on another tab.

Bit the bullet and put some of his father’s old clothes up for sale during Ashland Street Days. Parting with those flannels was sweet sorrow.

Ran with Harley Chapman on a full moon.

Experienced some unusual bad luck on Friday the 13th. He lost control of his Change and turned in broad daylight while responding to his pack beta’s SOS. His other senses diminished as he found the beta and broke up an altercation between them and Simon Romero-Martin.

Russell Hemlock

At Ashland Street Day’s car show, Russell accidentally spilled ice cream on one of the cars and recruited help from others, only to find out it was Ronan’s late father’s car. Whoops.

Simon Romero-Martín

Upset a townsperson or two -and their balance- chasing after a “lucky” snail.

Volunteered as a face painter at the Have A Great Summer Carnival and made a number of the patrons’ day something truly magical.

Assisted Preston Hawthorne in ridding himself of a spell-generated doppelgänger that overstayed its welcome.

Spent every full moon diligently keeping their transformations behind lock, key, and spell…

Was interviewed by the watcher.

Bribed Monty McAllister with coffee and breakfast to hike out into the woods and help her take care of her cats.

Was rescued from having to walk their flat-tired bike home by Raiden Dryad.

Ran out of luck with their usual transformation preparations on Friday the 13th and stirred up some trouble with members of the Ashland pack.

Xavier Bennett

Talked classic cars and what their favorite decades were with Juliet Hawthorne at Ashland Street Days.

Gave Phoenix Castillo the shirt off of his back to wrap her bleeding hand after witnessing her trip in the rain, had an uncomfortable conversation about his psychic abilities.

Had dinner with Harley Chapman, but this is a weekly occurrence as she is his neighbor and one of his closest friends in Edgewood.

Served drinks to patrons such as Mateo Garcia and Bridgette Kingsley  at Logan’s birthday party at the North Star Lounge.

Lamented about todays youth with David Elmasri at Brewed Awakenings when he went in for his morning coffee.

[salvatoreschool]

Legacies Recap: Landon's Dark History Is Even Muddier Than We Imagined

Before Thursday’s Legacies, I would have argued that Hope had the franchise’s most twisted family history, but the more we learn about Landon’s lineage, the more the Mikaelsons start to look like the Bradys.

As revealed by Agent Clark this week, Landon’s father was once a golem known as the “Eater of the Dark.” He was created 1,000 years ago by the “unholy alliance” of a witch, a vampire and a werewolf in order to combat their shared enemy: a dragon. Unfortunately, Papa Landon proved too effective, consuming every monster he could find. He also attempted to create offspring of his own, including a handsome mud baby whom we know as… Agent Clark. (Gasp! Landon has a brother!)

Unfortunately, Landon’s big bro was not the perfect creation their father had hoped for, so he cast him aside like the handsome trash he was. In retaliation, Clark told some nearby humans about his father’s unnatural desire to create a new species. The humans recruited a coven of witches to bind Landon’s father using three magical locks, then returned him to his true form: an endless dark pit by the name of… Malivore. (Double gasp! Malivore is Landon’s father!)

Over time, the secret society guarding Malivore evolved into a monster clean-up business known as Triad Industries. But power inevitably corrupted the once-noble institution, and “monsters” became code for “whoever they didn’t like and wanted to be forgotten.” All this corruption made Clark very sad, so he tossed himself into… his father… and was only released recently in order to find Landon. As Malivore’s only blood relative, Landon alone possesses the ability to return his father to his original form, or risk having Triad convert Malivore into a weapon that could be used against the very species he was created to protect.

Speaking of Triad, this week’s episode ended with the organization’s goons storming the Salvatore School, where Lizzie and Josie had just learned the truth about the merge (at last!) from an extremely emotional and apologetic Alaric. That whole conversation wrecked me, honestly. It was right up there with Jo’s goodbye scene after the twins’ birthday party when they all just sat around sobbing and being a family.

I’m also a little concerned that we already know which twin (*cough* Josie *cough*) would survive a potential merge. And judging by the look on Lizzie’s face when Josie sent her flying across the bedroom, I’d say suspects the same. That said, I was encouraged by Josie’s insistence that the merge is a “curse” on the Gemini twins. Curses can be broken… right?

Also worth discussing…

• Hope finally dropped the L-bomb on Landon — well, “Landon” — during a lakeside chat with a magical hologram version of her kidnapped boyfriend.

• We also need to talk about Rafael and Hope. I’m glad they’re finally able to talk about their complicated feelings for one another, but I’m not sure they’ve actually resolved anything. All of their conversations still feel super flirty, even when they’re about his mental health and loss of control. Why do I feel like this won’t end well?

• I’ve been wondering about Emma’s future at the Salvatore School ever since Karen David was promoted to a series regular on Fear the Walking Dead, and I finally got my answer this week: She’s taking a sabbatical, but first, she convinced Alaric to reach out to Dorian for help.

• I appreciated Roman telling Hope that she’s not a mistake and that the cosmos is lucky to have her, but also… what? It hasn’t been that long since the final season of The Originals, right? I guess I should commend Hope for being so chill around the guy who helped orchestrate her mother’s murder, but Roman’s little redemption story feels unnecessary.

Were you surprised by the reveal of Malivore as Landon’s father? What are your hopes for next week’s finale?

[survivor-rotuma]

Ep. 1: “She reeks of minions” - Apollo

Brianna

My dumbass almost put my real name into the confessional link so we are off to a great start!!! So beginning of the game we have to pick a leader. Thomas kinda automatically pushed it to be Apollo which was funny. But then Apollo asked me if I wanted it bcuz he didn’t want it and that’s a no-no. He was scared people would be intimidated that he got an idol clue so I told him to just share the clue with everyone and take the leadership position which he thought was a good idea....for some reason. Lol. Hopefully he doesn’t screw up the immunity challenge for us and I get an idol clue without having to be the leader :P peace out ✌️

Cassie

Getting to know some of my tribemates has been fun and I definitely feel like we've been clicking well so far. I don't have any bad first impressions.

Felix

So I am getting some good vibes off of Flint and Joey. I think they're pretty cool and match my vibes. Cassie is alright, but she doesn't seem to be the talkative type. Finally there's the two that haven't talked. All I'm saying is that if we HAVE to go to tribal then we know who it should be. Also I would never volunteer myself as leader. What do I look like? Responsible?

Zest

I just got to the island and am still a little apprehensive. This is all very new to me. So far, my tribe seems very nice and go with the flow. But, I think that will change as the game progresses. I am definitely trying to just get an idea of people, but, it is very early in the game. We got the clue that "Idols are forged in fire.” Not completely sure what that means yet. Once we know what the challenge is, that will help! I’ve been reading about the other tribes and am curious about how they are all doing. Are they getting closer than mine is? Is my tribe on the right track?

Marie

I’m getting along really well with Kathleen, she is definitely my number one right now and I’d love to work with her!

Flint

The first night has gone better than I had expected. As a somewhat introvert I was nervous about getting to know my tribe but the other players made it easy. Felix and I hit it off really quick, I would consider him my closest ally thus far. Joey and Cassie both talked about being pro-pineapple pizza so that may blossom into an alliance down the road as well. Suzy and Charlie have been quiet so I can see them being an early target if we lose immunity.

Apollo

"https://i.makeagif.com/media/3-26-2018/myXMdc.gif

I feel like signing up for this game was a bad idea for my mental health, but I love Jay more than I love myself so who cares?

First impressions? Thomas suggests me as leader, and I'm shook. I wish I didn't have the name of a Greek God, why couldn't I be ""Steven Smith"" lol. Anyways I got the idol clue and shared it with the whole tribe since I don't need a giant target on my back to start with. Hopefully I can use this leader position to start a team that can work cohesively for the beginning of this game. Ope! The challenge has been posted. I've gotta run! Hopefully I won't be first boot!"

Lysandre

So the tribe has been formed!! The leader is Marie and thats cool! I was then put into a potential alliance chat with me, Marie, and Kathleen! Lets see how this goes! I also chose to participate in the shells challenge and its going great so far, except for the fact that all the numbers are confusing me. Is there a thing for dyslexia but with numbers?? Also I love Jay wtf.

Apollo

I can't believe you put me on the same tribe as Karen again, and I don't know why the hell she thinks Boris is a funny name, but the cat icon, has me living. I didn't know it was her since she wasn't on at the beginning but when she started talking and dragging the midwest I couldn't help but confirm my suspicions. She reeks of minions. Also pretty sure the new zealand person is just Stephen, bless his Soul. As for the rest idk them but being put in the leader position really helped i suppose. Thomas and Zest seem to respect me and Brianna and I are working on the flash game so hopefully we can bond over that. I would love for us to win immunity the first round but at this rate, If Bradley doesn't come on at all tomorrow, we might not even need to go to tribal, it just might be med evac, which would come in handy if we lose, but be a shot in the foot if we win. A little part of me was hoping for some ungodly reason Camilla would come back, but if she is, its not on my tribe :'). I'm imagining that Sam is somewhere but not on my tribe. I can't wait to get on with this game and to see how well I can do with a fresh start.

Gigi

I'm pretty happy with my tribe! Everyone seems kind and levelheaded. I'm kind of worried that I missed out on bonding with them though, since I wasn't around for the first meeting!

Kathleen

"I seem to have formed bonds with a couple of tribe members pretty quickly, I might be wrong but it seems like most of my tribe hasn’t really started playing the game yet so it’s good to get a one up just in case. Our leader, Marie, was someone I suggested because we’d been talking and I thought it would be good to have someone that was starting to trust me as leader.

Also this puzzle is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I have like 500 mental illnesses so that’s saying something."

Lysandre

OK SO LYSANDRE IS DOING EVERYTHING TIM COULDN'T. Their goal in the challenge is to get atleast 101 bundles but a bitch is getting tired. Also queen Jay posted her idol search which I thought was cute! I like how it works but my problem with it is that the idol can be found so fast.  It can be found in say... under an hour on your first prompt submission... LIKE HOW I DID. I have an idol yall!!! My first ever Idol!!!! I am so proud of Lysandre, they are doing amazing.

Lysandre

Having the idol feels a little surreal. I am aware that I have it but it is sooooo early in the game that it feels like a joke. I am going to tell no one about the idol moving forward in the game and I'm going to try and save it for no one but me.

Felix

Look who found an idol on their first hunt! I now have a safety net to fall back on just in case any of these people want to be snakes in the grass! We love me being an icon!

Felix

Me not reading the rules? It's more likely than you think. So now I just got to hope that everyone else is able to pull through in this challenge. God this sucks. At least if I am the worst on my team then I can use my idol to protect me. But that would be a waste of an idol so early in the game.

Boris

"HELLO. so the game just started yesterday and honestly?? I'm having so much fun.

playing as a different identity lets me separate myself from the game and play in a way I typically wouldn't. I'm already playing much more socially than I would in a typical game. My tribe sees pretty good! Everyone showed up at least, we're not the MOST active but everyone seems so nice, it'll be pretty easy to get along with everyone

totally off subject but this IDOL HUNT? WHEW. literally iconic. It's so fun to explore the different paths and see what happens. it took me forever to reach an outcome (and it was a negative one, at that), but I just had fun doing it anyway.

I volunteered to do the endurance portion of immunity, and I'm lowkey kinda regretting it. Like, I don't have anything else to do, but I just barely have the motivation to sit and type for hours on end. Oh well, I feel safe enough that even if we don't win I should be safe! hopefully!!"

Joey

"it's been a hot second since i've played one of these things and whew i forgot how exhausting it is getting to know people! i think everyone's in a weird spot because we're trying to remain hidden so we can't release real information about ourselves, so all the conversations i've had have mostly been about food. i've told two people i'm a fan of pineapple on pizza, which is a total lie, but whatever it takes  to make connections right?

i put my name out there for the leader role, but quickly gave it up to cassie. i think people are going to gravitate towards her, and i wanted to get in her good graces in case she is the key decision maker here. i feel like a lot of these people don't work as much as i do, which might put me at a disadvantage in the social portion, but what more can i really do?

i volunteered for the flash game because that seemed like the least annoying/time consuming section of the bunch, and on my fourth try i had a really lucky run and got a pretty decent score that i haven't gotten close to since. i think my strategy is going to be to pretend i'm struggling with the challenge, and at the last minute pretend i got my good score to show how hard i worked and how i ~persevered~ or whatever."

Felix

13 votes? Mama you gotta know more people than that

Felix

We're safe! I'm so shook that even though I submitted by accident XD

Marie

Gigi didn’t help with the challenge at all! Like wth pitch in? Tribal tonight should be an easy vote

Cassie

I feel pretty confident about how I did in the challenge for my tribe. We didn't come first, but I believed in my team that we'd still be safe and we were. We can only improve from here to overtake our competition and I still believe in my tribe. Go Tuai!

Thomas

Early days, everyone seems really nice so far, think I have gotten a good team!

Charlie

Honestly nothing particularly juicy atm, everyone is really nice and we are just getting to know each other. Theres a few people I'm vibing with more then others however...maybe a potential alliance in the future?

David Penn

Everyone seems way to chill and i'm waiting for the game to start getting heated. Also our tribe leader kinda dipped and everyones leader.

Brianna

Well. Sumi kind of...demolished that challenge. And I was starting to think we weren’t doing enough lol. It’s nice to see the first challenge results and put everything in perspective for the whole game. Not really any new updates. Bradley appeared for the first time today. Then shortly disappeared soon after. A missing person alert has gone out and he will be in our thoughts and prayers.

Zest

Wow! I am so emotional about our first win. I got really anxious about the puzzle and was worried I’d let my tribe down. Luckily, we all were really supportive of one another. Everyone has a really positive attitude and I am happy with Apollo's leadership. In terms of getting to know people, it is still really early. I have spoken to everyone on my team individually except Bradley.

Lysandre

OK so we lost the motherfucking challenge. I was the only person on my tribe to actually win their category. One of my "allies" Kathleen FLOPPED in the challenge. Luckily Gigi literally does not exist in this plane of existence. Maybe she got snapped by Thanos and she'll come back in 5 years... who knows?? What I do know is that I'm voting for her to go!! Also David approached me with the idea of voting Kathleen. I tried to play it off as if I'm stuck in between voting those two and I hope he bought it but Im obvi not gonna do Kathleen rn because she communicates with me. But we LOVE being the first tribe to go to TRIballlll.

Suzy witters

Im getting on with Felix a bit, and Charlie, I like charlie more though and can see myself working with him throughout the game

Marie

Lowkey can’t believe David actually called Kathleen out in the public chat, not a good move buddy. Let’s just say, he’s lucky that we want to get rid of Gigi or else Kathleen might have made the vote him!

Kathleen

I did HORRIBLY at the challenge and it seems that David was coming after me before some of my alliance members talked him down. We’re going for Gigi tonight so we only have people left that will actually try in challenges, but if we end up at tribal again I might just have to try and convince my alliance members to go for David to save myself.

Boris

"my tribe? Did that. We are a tribe of WINNERS. We dominated the first challenge!

But in less fortunate news, my dumbass needs to stop jumping into pits and volcanoes in the idol hunt. Search 1, I jumped in a lot and everyone was notified of my search. Search 2, I jumped across a volcano and now I can't participate in the next immunity. Which is an endurance! Which im really good at!! And the tribe knows I can do it because I did endurance last round!!!

So now I'm in a position where I kinda have to sit out (luckily our tribe needs to sit someone out anyway) BUT I'm stuck between coming forward and telling the truth, that I fucked up while searching, or make up some excuse for them to let me sit out anyway.

I think the former is smarter. Surely everyone else is searching too, and and maybe they'll respect my honest??? But if not, it could be my downfall. If they know Im searching every day they might be more inclined to vote me off before i find anything, since now they know I have nothing. "

Boris

Wtf why am I stressed, i don't even have to go to tribal

Bryan

So. The next immunity comp is an endurance challenge. And we have boris saying he won’t be able to be here for it because of a family thing. Apollo works til 12. Bradley probably won’t be here because of his disappearing trick. And I work til 10. I’ll hopefully still be able to participate because it’s not constant...but. We are already down three people and the comp hasn’t even started yet oh lord please help us.

Flint

The first Immunity Challenge was tougher then I had expected! I was assigned the seashell necklace making portion which sounded fairly easy but once I got going it was easy to get tripped up in the numbering. Once the results were announced I was glad to see our tribe got second place because I was one of the weaker ones in the challenge performance. Time to step it up!

Bradley

I need to really step up my social game since we won immunity. So its going to be a mess but i want to try and make some connections.

Gigi

Not sure if I'm paranoid or not, but I am idol hunting right now! And got a disadvantage instead. Just my luck!

Raul

Things are weird especially with the whole alias thing but ya know we march on the tribe is kinda quiet so we'll see I haven't seen a target emerge but it'll probably me to be honest

[nedraggett]

Thoughts on 2018

No need for me to be fancier than that!  And yeah I realize that nobody should be using Tumblr any more but until I figure out a proper revive of my old Wordpress site, this will do for now.

So anyway: I wrote this up for a private email list reflecting on the end of the year in terms of things I especially enjoyed culturally. Well, why not share it?

My year went very well — steady at work and in life, being 47 means more aches and pains but you have to learn to live with it.  The state of the world is something else again of course and we need not spend more time on the blazingly obvious.  That said, the history bug in me has been constantly intrigued by the slow drip of the investigations (and revelations) and were it all fiction, I’d be thoroughly enthralled instead of quietly apprehensive, of course.  November did provide some partial relief on that front so bring on the new year.  In terms of my own written work, nothing quite equalled my heart/soul going into last year’s Algiers feature for NPR, but my two big Quietus pieces this year — on Gary Numan’s Dance  and Ralph Bakshi’s Lord of the Rings  — were treats to write, while my presentation on the too-obscure Billy Mackenzie at PopCon was a great experience.

In terms of music this has been one of the most concert-heavy years I’ve spent.  Even having moved to SF in 2015 I only did the occasional show every so often — there was so much going on (even in a local scene lots of long-timers say has been irrevocably changed) that I was almost spoiled for choice, and part of me also just wanted to relax most nights.  But deaths like Prince’s and Bowie’s among many others served as a reminder that there’s no such thing as forever, and you never know what the last chance will be.  More veteran acts than younger ones in the end for me — greatest missed concert regrets this year included serpentwithfeet, Lizzo, Perfume Genius and Emma Ruth Rundle among the younger acts, while being ill when Orbital came through will be a lingering annoyance, still having never seen them live.  But the huge amount of shows I did see outweighed that, ranging from big arena stops like Fleetwood Mac to celebratory open-air free shows like Mexican Institute of Sound to small club sets by folks like Kinski, Six Organs of Admittance, Kimbra and many more, including, for the first time in years, a show in the UK, specifically a great performance by Roddy Frame of Aztec Camera.  If I absolutely had to grade my top picks among shows, Cruel Diagonals, Johnny Marr, Wye Oak, Peter Brotzmann/Keiji Haino, John Zorn/Terry Riley/Laurie Anderson, Laurie Anderson again separately, Nine Inch Nails, VNV Nation, Jarvis Cocker, Beak and, in terms of no real expectations turning into utter delight and thrills, a brilliant set by Lesley Rankine under her Ruby guise, with Martin Atkins on drums.  Best damn combination of righteous ire, hilarious raconteurism and compelling, unique approaches to how performance can work I’d seen in a while.  (As for recorded music in general, uh, endless?)

TV, as ever a bit sporadic, with a few things on my to-do list — still need to catch The Terror for sure, and what I saw of The Alienist looked good; I love both books so I need to see how it all worked out, similarly with the just-dropped version of Watership Down.  Pose I definitely need to catch up with since it sounds like Ryan Murphy stood out of the way to let the best possible team do the business on it, but my real unexpected delight of a show this year was also Murphy-based, American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace.  While not down the line perfect, it was absolutely more compelling than not, and in fact at its best was a shuddering combination of amazing music cue choices, a reverse structure that helped undercut any attempt at making Cunanan seem sympathetic or an antihero, and, at its considerable best, a ratcheting up of terror and horror that a friend said was almost Kubrickian, and I would have to agree.  And, frankly, Darren Criss really did the business as Cunanan, a controlled and powerful turn. Only a few of us seemed to be following it at the time, but when it scored all those Emmys, then while it was as much a reflection of Murphy’s status, it honestly felt well deserved.  Meantime, you’ll pry my addiction to all the RuPaul’s Drag Race incarnations from my cold dead hands but it’s the amazing online series that Trixie Mattel and Katya do, UNHhhh, which remains my comedy highlight of the year, with at least a few jaw-dropping/seize up laughing every episode. (Kudos as well for Brad Jones’s The Cinema Snob, ten years running online and still funny as fuck while digging up all kinds of cinematic horrors.) Also, tying back into music a bit, late recommendation for something you can only see on UK TV/streaming so far, but get yourself a VPN and seek out Bros: After the Screaming Stops, in which the two brothers in the late-80s monster hit pop band Bros (never had any traction here but pretty much owned the entire Commonwealth and beyond) try for a comeback.  It’s an unintentionally hilarious and harrowing portrait of two twins who have a LOT of issues, have clearly been through a LOT of therapy, but are still…not quite there.  UK friends said it was a combination of Spinal Tap, Alan Partridge and David Brent and they were ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 

Movies, less specifically to choose from — I remain an essentially sporadic populist when it comes to what I see in theaters, but I can say for sure that Spider-man: Into the Spiderverse is a hell of a thing and will almost certainly prove to be a real year-zero moment down the line.  Possibly the most affecting watch was Bohemian Rhapsody, in that I also saw this in the UK — in Brighton, which besides making me think of the band’s song “Brighton Rock” is also notably the country’s most LGBT-friendly city; those I was with felt the movie’s themes, successes and flaws/elisions deeply, and the constant discussion of it for the next few days was very rewarding. As for books, John Carreyrou’s Bad Blood, delving into Theranos and the amoral duo behind it, was properly enraging and compelling, while Beth Macy’s Dopesick, if not perfect, nonetheless adds to the good literature on the opioid crisis, while as ever indirectly calling into question who’s getting the focus and care now as opposed to in earlier times and places. My favorite music publications as such probably remain the two I most regularly write for, The Quietus and Daily Bandcamp, while Ugly Things is the print publication that I most look forward to with each issue, and am never disappointed. 

Podcasts now consist of a lot of my regular cultural engagement, kinda obvious but nonetheless true.  Long running faves include My Favorite Murder — Karen and Georgia are an amazing comedy team who have figured out how to reinterpret their anxieties in new ways — The Vanished, which at its best often casts a piercing eye on how official indifference from law enforcement is almost as destructive as their more obvious abuses (recent discovery The Fall Line does this as well, even more explicitly), Karina Longworth’s constantly revelatory Hollywood histories You Must Remember This, Patrick Wyman’s enjoyable history dives on Tides of History, my friend Chris Molanphy’s constantly excellent investigations into music chart history Hit Parade, the great weekly movie chats by MST3K vets Frank Conniff and Trace Beaulieu along with Carolina Hidalgo on Movie Sign With the Mads, and The Age of Napoleon, which really has hit my history wonk sweet spot.  New to me this year was It’s Just a Show,  a really wonderful episode by episode — but not in exact order — deep dive into every episode of MST3K ever, by two fun and thoughtful Canadian folks, Adam Clarke and Beth Martin. (Adam also cohosts a new podcast, A Part of Our Scare-itage, specifically looking at Canadian horror. It’s not just Cronenberg!). Among the excellent one-off series this year: American Fiasco by Men in Blazers’ Roger Bennett on the failed US World Cup attempt in 1998, Dear Franklin Jones, a story about the narrator’s experience growing up in a California cult and how his parents came to be followers in the first place, and the Boston Globe’s Gladiator, their audio accompaniment to their in-depth story of the life and ultimate fate of Aaron Hernandez. Finally, totally new series this year that quickly got added to my regular listening: American Grift, a casual and chatty look at various scams and schemes, overseen by Oriana Schwindt, The Eurowhat?, a running look at the Eurovision competition throughout the year from the perspective of two American fans, and The Ace Records Podcast, an often engaging series of one-off interviews with various musicians, fans and so forth by UK writer Pete Paphides (I highly recommend the interviews with Jon Savage and Sheila B). Hands down my two favorite totally new podcasts of the year were The Dream, a more formal story of American grifting in general hosted by Jane Marie — this first season’s focus was on multilevel marketing, and Marie and company’s careful way of seemingly backing into the larger story makes it all the more compelling and ultimately infuriating, especially in the current political climate — and the hilarious Race Chasers, a RuPaul’s Drag Race-celebrating podcast by two veterans of the show, Alaska and Willam, loaded with all kinds of fun, behind the scenes stuff, guests and an easy casualness from two pros that strikes the perfect balance between going through things and just shooting the shit.  Returning podcast I’m most looking forward to next year: the second season of Cocaine and Rhinestones, hands down.  Check out the first season for sure.

And there ya go!  Keep fighting all your respective good fights.

[mr-stark-i-dont-feel-so-good]

Monster: Spider-Man Homecoming Fanfiction

Chapter One

Summary: 

(Post Spider-Man, Pre Infinity War) After the whole fiasco with Liz's dad, the Vulture, at Homecoming, Peter Parker is paranoid that everybody knows he's Spider-Man and is out to hurt him. His English teacher, MJ, Delmar, even Ned's under suspicion. In Monster, Peter must learn to trust again, wrangle being Spider-Man and Aunt May knowing, as well as complete his junior year at Midtown School of Science and Technology in one piece.

This is my first fanfic in, uh, a LONG time and my first fanfic on tumblr, so bear with me please and I hope you enjoy the story :) I also will post updates (and probably post them faster) on my Ao3: mr_stark_i_dont_feel_so_good

Chapter One under the cut!

Peter bit his lip nervously as he copied down the notes the english teacher, Mr. Winterhalter, was writing on the chalkboard. He tried to concentrate, but he couldn’t help himself - he knew English class was important in theory, but his mind just kept wandering. It was almost too easy these days - slipping into his mind, left back at the Avengers compound. He replayed when he stole Cap’s shield in his mind - the coolest thing he had ever done in his life, by far - and all the other Avengers he had met. He thought back to and marveled at the suit that Mr. Stark had offered him when he’d asked him to be an Avenger. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his entire life. He fantasized about swinging from building to building in the suit, zapping criminals with spiderwebs and chatting with Karen. Or, even BETTER, fighting aliens in space, the Avengers by his side. That was the dream. But he didn’t regret saying no to Mr. Stark’s offer - he knew that it was the best for him to focus small and on the local neighborhood. Not that he ever wanted a repeat of what had happened with Liz’s dad - he shuddered at the thought. He had done what he had to do to help Mr. Stark, but it had been so difficult to fight like that. He deserved a break, to focus on his schoolwork and education before he had another grand big taxing adventure like that one.

Education… Oh shit, Peter started, his eyes refocusing on the board. He was about two pages behind on notes and Mr. Winterhalter was heading his way. Peter frantically looked to the empty seat next to him - Ned wasn’t at school today, otherwise Peter was sure he would’ve helped Peter out and nudged him into paying attention much sooner. He frowned as he scribbled, trying to get as much down before Mr. Winterhalter got to him. Why was Ned gone? Usually if Ned was sick, he’d text Peter to let him know, but Peter hadn’t gotten a text that morning… or had he? Heart beating unreasonably fast, Peter reached down under his seat and grabbed his phone to quickly check.

Just then, it got taken from him. Peter looked up to see Mr. Winterhalter standing in front of him. “No phones in class,” Mr. Winterhalter said sternly, and peered over Peter’s shoulder to read over his notes. Peter felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment as Mr. Winterhalter sighed in disappointment and said, “Meet me after class, Parker.” Peter sat back in his seat. Great, he’s in trouble… again. Peter couldn’t seem to avoid it lately.

As soon as the bell rang to signify the end of class, Peter jumped up and headed out the door, but Mr. Winterhalter stopped him before he could leave and called him over to his desk.

Peter waited for the stream of people to leave the classroom before turning to Mr. Winterhalter, looking down at his feet. “Mr. Winterhalter, I’m sorry sir, I swear it won’t happen again. I got lost in thought, things have been crazy recently-”

“Peter-”

“I swear, I’ll do better. I’ll do all the readings, and - shit, I mean - I do all the readings already, I promise - ugh, pardon my language -”

“Peter!” Peter paused, breathless and finally looked up to make eye contact with his teacher. Mr. Winterhalter was looking at him with a rather amused expression. He shook his head and chuckled. “I was going to give you a lecture,” he smiled, “but it seems you’ve already given yourself one.” He chuckled again, evidently amused with his joke.

Peter laughed along nervously, scratching the back of his neck.

“I- I guess I’ll just go then,” he said after a pause, reaching for his backpack. To his dismay, Mr. Winterhalter stopped him again.

“Wait, Peter, while I have you here there was something else I wanted to talk to you about,” Mr. Winterhalter said, rising from his seat and heading to the cabinet. “Mr. Winterhalter, I have to get to class,” Peter protested, but his teacher merely waved his hand dismissively.

“I’ll write you a note,” he replied, heading towards his desk with a folder in his hand. He motioned for Peter to sit and, reluctantly, Peter pulled up a chair from a neighbouring desk and sat. He suddenly felt a prick of a fear as he noted the seriousness in Mr. Winterhalter’s face.

‘He doesn’t know I’m Spider-Man, does he?’ His heart beat faster, but to his immense relief Mr. Winterhalter merely pulled out a stapled sheet of paper and handed it to him.

“Do you recognize this?” Mr. Winterhalter asked. Peter looked down at the paper and suddenly his fear returned, ten times more intense. It was the news article assignment from a couple months ago. Peter had forgotten about it until the night before and, in a panic, took a picture of himself on a building dressed as Spider-Man and written an article about his most recent fight. He didn’t give it a second thought at the time, and now it was coming back to bite him. ‘God, what was I thinking? Oh my god, he knows, what do I do?’ Peter tried to keep himself from freaking out, but reached toward his hand, getting his webshooters ready. “Mr. Winterhalter, I can explain-” he began, not sure where he was going with it, but Mr. Winterhalter stopped him.

“Let me finish my sentence, Parker,” he said sternly, and Peter gulped. However, Winterhalter’s face broke into a smile. “I have to say, I’m very impressed. It’s an excellent example of journalism.”

Peter gawked. This wasn’t the direction he had expected the conversation to go at all. “Really?” he squeaked.

“Of course. You really went above and beyond,” Winterhalter said. “You went out and managed to track down a local superhero, get an excellent photo of him, catch him in the act of stopping a car accident and saving many lives, and you provided exciting and crucial details that even professional journalists didn’t even have. Not to mention, your writing is superb and you follow the pyramid structure of an article perfectly.”

Peter sunk back in his chair, not understanding the terms Winterhalter was using but cheeks burning with pride just the same. “Thanks,” he muttered, pushing back his webshooters up his sleeve - he wouldn’t need them. He was slightly embarrassed at the praise, especially since he didn’t even work half as hard as Winterhalter evidently thought he did, but his relief for not being recognized as Spider-Man overpowered his feelings of guilt.

“I’m an English teacher, but I also have a lot of experience in journalism. Unfortunately, this school lacks a journalism program, and doesn’t even have a school newspaper anymore,” Winterhalter went on, and Peter sat up again, wondering where Winterhalter was going with this. “I guess, I was wondering…” he seemed almost nervous. “Peter, I was wondering, considering your evident skills, if you would like to help me revive the Midtown High Paper.”

Peter’s mouth fell open, not sure how to respond or what to think. He cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah, that sounds fun,” he said quickly, “but I’m really busy, and all, you know with my internship and Decathlon. I’ll - I’ll think about it though,” he added quickly at Mr. Winterhalter’s crestfallen face. “I’ll definitely think about it,” he repeated, standing up and grabbing his backpack. He really wanted to get to his next class, it was science and he wanted to increase the durability of his webshooters. He started off and then turned back quickly. “Err, can I have my note?”

Mr. Winterhalter grabbed a sticky note off his desk and scribbled out a note. “Please do think about it, Peter,” Winterhalter said as he handed him the note. “It won’t be much of a commitment, and I think you’ll do wonderfully.”

“I will,” Peter promised, before quickly hurrying off to his science class.

---

Peter wasn’t sure at what moment MJ had begun to sit with him and Ned at their table during lunch. Maybe it had been after MJ and Peter started to get to know each other better through Decathlon. Maybe it was after MJ and Ned had bonded over their favorite doctor from Doctor Who (theirs was the ninth - Peter, of course, knew that 10th, David Tennant, was superior). In any case, now MJ was a consistent part of lunchtime and today, as usual, it was full of banter.

“Ecclestone is the best. He’s the original, you can’t beat him,” Ned argued, sipping on apple juice.

Peter scoffed. “By that logic, the first doctor is Hartnell, from the old series.”

“Nobody cares about the old series,” MJ replied, biting into her sandwich. “New Doctor Who is so much better. You get actually strong female companions and diversity, plus Russel T Davies. Not to mention color television and not black and white.”

Peter bristled. “You can’t judge it until you’ve seen it, old Doctor Who is good, I swear -”

MJ smirked and waved her hand dismissively. “Whatever. The point is, Ecclestone is the best. He’s a sarcastic asshole. Love him.”

Peter ran his hand through his hair like he often did when frustrated. “But Tennant puts so much emotion into all of his acting. And you have the romance with Rose -”

“Boring,” MJ fake-yawned.

Peter and Ned looked at MJ scandalized, and a new argument began.

After their conversation died down, MJ turned to Peter. “Hey, what did Mr. Winterhalter want from you after English class?”

Ned looked at Peter in confusion. Peter explained the situation, avoiding the details about Spider-Man. He wasn’t quite sure why, but just the thought of even mentioning any superhero made him feel sick to the stomach.

“School newspaper? That sounds… fun,” Ned said hesitatingly.

MJ scowled. “As long as it doesn’t get in the way of your Decathlon prep. We’re going to win again this year, you hear me? No running out this time,” she pointed her finger accusingly at Peter. He gulped and nodded quickly. MJ was terrifying.

“I’m not sure if it’s my thing,” Peter confessed. “But I don’t want to... disappoint Mr. Winterhalter.”

“Why?” MJ frowned. “Why does his opinion of you matter, at all? He’s just your English teacher.”

The question took Peter aback. “I’m not sure,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. MJ’s gaze was making him uncomfortable. “I mean, he is still my teacher? I guess I want to be a good student?” his voice squeaked, and the table broke into laughter. He felt his face grow hot, but smiled abashedly as the conversation moved on. He wasn’t fully participating, however - his mind kept going back to Mr. Winterhalter holding his article about Spider-Man. If Peter didn’t end up expressing more interest in journalism, Mr. Winterhalter might start thinking about his article in a different light and grow suspicious. Just the thought made his mouth go dry. No, he couldn’t do anything to arouse suspicion. He’d have to join the newspaper team for a bit - at least a month - to make sure that Mr. Winterhalter was off his back.

The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch period. MJ picked up her book, which she had been reading the whole time as well as talking and eating, and gave Ned and Peter a peculiar glance. “Why I talk to you losers when I could be reading is beyond me,” she muttered and flipped Ned and Peter off as she walked out the room. He smiled - it was customary of her to do that, whether as a greeting or a goodbye or just randomly in the conversation. Peter and Ned headed out the other exit towards their gym class.

“Hey, why weren’t you in English today?” Peter asked, suddenly recalling what had gotten him in trouble in the first place.

Ned coughed. “Uh, dentist appointment,” he replied, but Peter could tell that it was a lie. He could always tell when Ned was lying. He considered pushing the subject, but decided against it. Ned would tell him if need be.

Suddenly, Peter felt a prickling sensation on the back of his neck - his spidey sense. His blood ran cold. Something was wrong.