#and trying to find the silver linings

[bluestjayy]

Life update:

I didn't make my deadline.

After approximately 200 applications, only 6 (first stage) interviews, 3 (second stage interviews), and more rejections than I could cope with some days, I unfortunately haven't been able to find a job since being laid off in September. This means I can no longer stay in my apartment. Which. Sucks.

I'm lucky enough to have my parents to fall back on, so I'll be moving back to their bungalow until I can find something to support me and save up enough money to come back to the city, so that's something. But it's also not going to be great for me while I'm there.

My hometown is an incredibly small mining town in the rural north-east, it's ridiculously close minded and conservative. I'm not out to any of my family for this reason, so I am for sure signing up for a minimum of a year being misgendered and stomaching casual bigotry from everyone I'm surrounded by.

And I love my parents, but our relationship isn't the best. They have a lot of really unhealthy, toxic, and occasionally abusive behaviours, and the way they treat each other and me is really... well it's not always good. Which is part of the reason I not only moved out but to a city that's 3 hours away in the first place. Their home is not intended for anyone but the two of them, it is incredibly small, and I will be living in a second room that only fits a camp bed and a small desk with very little privacy as this room is also where some of the utilities are. It's something, and I am so lucky to have this option at all vs complete homelessness. But I also know the toll this is all going to take on me physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I have already had to start looking at my current possessions, over 4 years of the life I built here, and decide which parts I get to keep and which I now have to leave behind.

Being back there is going to be... I don't know. I get into dark places whenever I go home for the holidays for a few days so living there again... I really don't know.

I guess the only thing keeping me going is the idea I will be able to come back to the city I'm in right now, the one I call home, eventually. It's just going to take some time.

And I have a plan, I am already job hunting for remote roles I can do back there, I'm open to taking on two or three if necessary, and I've started working on opening an Etsy store for some of my crafting creations that may also help me fundraise the money to leave a lot faster. Perhaps I'll even consider commissions again.

But it's definitely going to be a long long year getting myself back on my feet again.

One of the only upsides currently is how much time I have to be working on fic and art (whenever the muse allows me!) so that's something I guess haha.

Anyway, thoughts and love and support and virtual hugs go a long way for me rn, and if you're so inclined (absolutely 100% not necessary but every little helps) here is the link to my tip-jar:

Ko-Fi

Even just giving this post a share would really help me right now. Those who know me know I find it really difficult to ask for help even when I'm in desperate need of it but I think, after six weeks of this reality slowly creeping up on me, I have reached a point where I am ready to say I really need it.

The fandom communities I have found myself in the last year have been an absolute rock for me. And I am so glad I get to be a part of them with you all.

In the end, it will be okay. That's what I have to keep telling myself. Positively rebellious and rebelliously positive.

Thank you for reading, I hope you have a wonderful day and I appreciate you all so much 💛

[egophiliac]

I'm trying to avoid getting spoiled so I haven't looked up what's happening in the Jp server's main story, but for my own sanity I need to ask; is the story at a point where we know whether Lilia will get better/survive his almost-empty magic reserves..? Was it a true death flag from the start or only a plot device for malleus' overblot....?

not yet! I do think they're going to get back to it eventually, but -- keeping it as low spoilers as possible -- there's been...let's just say a LOT going on in the meantime.

enjoy 7-6!!! :)

[fallandfigs]

Clearly unintentional, but Trapper being more aware* of Hawkeye’s mental health ties in so well with the way he freaks out at Frank at the beginning of Mad Dogs and Servicemen. Like something about this episode coming after Dr. Pierce and Mr. Hyde and Adams Ribs makes Trapper's intense reaction to Frank’s dismissiveness of PTSD really work for me.

Just taking a step back, Hawkeye’s deteriorating mental health is clearly something Trapper is aware of. We tend not to talk about it directly as PTSD, but that’s a pretty big part of it, right? However you read Hawkeye (fine pre-series; preexisting mental health issues; etc.) there’s no question the war has made his mental health worse and added PTSD to the mix. And Trapper knows that! He knows Hawkeye isn’t ok. He’s the one who explains that to Henry in Dr. Pierce and Mr. Hyde. And he’s doing the best he can with it but there’s a limit to what anyone can do because (a) it’s the 50s and (b) they’re still in the middle of the war. There’s a fair shot this will get worse. And again, Trapper knows that!

And with that color, it doesn’t seem crazy to me that Trapper sees a line between the patient they have, Travis, and Hawkeye. The way Frank’s talking about this kid is the stuff Trapper knows someone might one day say about Hawkeye. What someone might already be saying about Hawkeye if they knew everything. And I just…I don’t know. I don’t have much of a point here, but I just love seeing (adding?) little connections that help round out some of the characters.

To be clear, I think Trapper cares about how patients with mental health issues are treated regardless, but the fact that this all applies to Hawkeye too and not just Travis is an interesting additional layer. Trapper’s general attitude around mental health and the way he’s so present re Hawkeye’s manic moments are genuinely fascinating to me and despite Mad Dogs and Servicemen not being a great episode generally, I do like that early scene a lot.

*by more aware I mean more aware than the other characters at the time like Frank, Henry, and Margaret

[zuzu-romeave]

ok well the most obvious course of action now is to actually do that over analyzing all of brad and jo’s moments together thingy i talked abt cuz we’re never getting more info on them so like i cant be proven wrong abt any of my observations

[fight-nights-at-freddys]

I found out about Yaelokre a month ago and even though I liked the songs, I took one look at the fandom and decided it's not worth it. Too much drama. I have a feeling it will get worse and their fandom will die eventually which is very sad.

i never got into it but i noticed a large amount of antis were into it (from what I saw, anyway), and i knew that if i liked it, i'd have to stay super far from the fandom, which, atp, means i would have no one to talk to abt it. so i steered clear.

[sofokl13]

if he doesn’t propose to me with a paper ring made out of a finger trap i don’t want him

[imgonnagetkilledbynutstink]

While Tim is in the army he better get some dick that isn't Hawk's cause HE DESERVES IT

[dreaming-hibi]

details of Serena I had the most fun drawing!

fat-wacky Hamtaro drawn with a mouse

my first (and last!) try at nail art

eyes that cannot be seen because of the glasses

[iceisslipperypod]

I really love the throwback Whalers jerseys the Canes wear sometimes, but since I don't really follow the team I haven't had an excuse to get one. But no matter where he ends up, I'll ALWAYS be a Logan Stankoven fan. So perhaps there will be a Stankoven Whalers jersey in my future?

[always-undermining]

belinda/ruby mothers?

[choerrys]

loossemble is actually over ….

[astralleywright]

I'm not trying to spread false hop or shut down stuff with toxic positivity but something tells me they're damn well aware BH got shafted for the sake of anniversary tours and we probably ARE gonna get more BH related stuff, like how we got an outta nowhere unrelated mn reunited twoshot around the beginning of C3.

I mean I'm sure we'll get oneshots and twoshots! But I don't have any expectations that they'll comparatively more of that kind of thing than VM and the M9 did, even though they receieved less actual focus in their endgame.

[wintrbears]

good thing i’m about 500 years behind on bts content so I can catch up while waiting for my husbands to return from war (literally)

[snixx]

I'm really struggling to not hate my city right now but...good 2 know the entire country isn't this bad and hasn't completely gone to the dogs I guess. like it's. vaguely comforting that all the hardcore amped up JSR hindutva propaganda and insane fascist extremism I've been seeing everywhere since I moved here is more of a concentrated to delhi thing and not a naya india thing. not saying it's not a problem everywhere else too but im hoping this means other places aren't this bad

[pink-spaceturtle5]

I just keep thinking how the last time this happened, I started seriously studying for my driving exam in case I had to kidnap one of my friends and flee the country

Now that I'm 26 and on prozac, I think I'll try volunteering at PP or something

[silent-sentinels]

we got a sandwich and a smoothie :> <3