#and ty for reading this far

[crocodiller]

An offer

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[ash-and-starlight]

modern au and esen’s honkers are haunting the instagram feed

[double--blind]

(SPOILERS) Ashley, self-esteem, and starvation

So, I adore Ashley. She's this intensely toxic, vicious, cruel, manipulative girl, and her psychology gives me hella brainworms. Andrew's not the only one whose head I wanna crack open and root around lol. She's thrown away the world just to keep her brother by her side, and she'll continue to do worse and worse for the same reason. She's pretty awful! I've been thinking about why, though. How did things get so bad? How did her soul get so dark?

We don't know everything (I'm waiting for those new eps patiently aND CLAWING AT THE WALLS AND FROTHING AT THE MOUTH but whatevs y'know whatevs I'm normal. I'm fine), yet what information we have been given is bumping around my brain like a DVD screensaver on hyperdrive

It's clear from the start that the roots of Ashley's issues lie in her horrible, neglectful upbringing, but it's hinted that even those outside of her family felt the same abt her. I'm lowkey even betting we'll learn later on that she was ostracized by her peers somehow. However, what's most disconcerting, I believe, is how little she was when the results of this alienation are first made apparent to us (bc kids aren't dumb; they notice this stuff oftentimes instinctively, impossibly young, before they even know what it means to be hated), and how devastating the consequences were.

(There's something decidedly childish abt her dream sequence in the "questionable" route—filled with crayon scribbles and rabbit plushies, the metaphors simplistic yet profound—which really hammers in how these sentiments are things that have made a home in her since childhood. Formative subconscious truths.)

Growing up unloved and noticeably unwanted by virtually everyone around her likely left her with a gaping hole in her heart that she'd spend the rest of her life trying to fill. She'd make friends, but she'd always worry that they'd leave her, that they'd betray her, nothing tangible or weighted enough in their connection to trust in its persistence. Why should she expect otherwise? Not even being bound by familial ties ensures affection if her parents are any indication.

Every lesson she'd ever learned had always taught her this: you are easy to abandon. You cannot love and be loved by virtue of your own worth.

You have to rip their affection from their clenched hands if you want it so bad.

This understanding carries with it an undercurrent of degradation, instilling within Ashley a constant, biting inferiority complex which will never fail to be a source of insecurity. She will always be put last. She was difficult to raise, so her parents gave up on raising her. She was difficult to get along with, so her friends gave up on getting along with her.

It's an odd cycle. She's difficult bc she needs to be to get attention, but bc she's difficult, she can't keep it. Not without having whatever fondness she's managed to cultivate within someone fray at the seams, volatile and prone to collapse, bleeding toxicity.

Hence, her relationship w/Andrew.

By being the only reliable constant in her life, caring for her and keeping her company, Andrew essentially became her only source of happiness, and she's since learned not to bother with anyone else. Still, it's dangerous to keep all your eggs in one basket; since he is all she has, she must protect her place in his life with even greater ferocity, which becomes a torturous ordeal when coupled with her damaged self-esteem.

It's apparent in her quarrels with Andrew that she needs constant reassurance that she is wanted in some capacity or perceived in some positive light (getting pouty when Andrew says he's "stuck with her", needing to hear that she's pretty, needing him to "choose her", wanting him to say he loves her back, etc. etc.), yet her insecurity remains, bc unlike her, he's got options. She doesn't think he needs her like she needs him. He's got a gf, their parents love him, her friends love him. Why would he settle for her? What if someone better comes along? Someone she can't scare away?

Wouldn't he just leave her like everyone else?

Even before getting locked in the coffin of their apartment, starvation's been a constant theme in Ashley's life. She's constantly aching for love, and Andrew's the only one who can feed her. When you're forced to fight for a bite to eat or suffer every moment you hunger, you become ravenous—covetous—when faced with food; you don't want the hunger to return, so you lock down the source of your sustenance, wary of its retreat. Ashley's in a permanent state of intense insecurity, always anxious that the love that gives her life will leave her.

Andrew knows Ashley better than anyone else in the world, and it's obvs to everyone and him how desperate Ashley is for him, but I don’t think Andrew has truly, consciously processed the depth of that desperation. It's there buried in his head somewhere no doubt, but rn, he doesn't operate w/the direct awareness that he is everything. He is brother, mother, friend, and soulmate. He is life and love, air and water, everything that is good in the world—everything that there is to justify existence.

It's heartbreaking, in a way, that it's so difficult for Andrew to convince her of his loyalty. This goes further than his tendency to hide his true feelings, bc when push comes to shove, he's at her beck and call. Objectively, he's hers. She doesn't see that bc all she sees is all the ways she can lose him.

So, she gets bratty. She gets pushy, possessive, territorial. Manipulative. Gets under his skin, guilts him to exhaustion, bc she can't see him staying any other way, bc he doesn't get it, bc it works. He bends to her will, for her sake. For now. It's always "for now", bc he'll start slipping away again, and then it'll get worse. She does worse.

Becomes worse.

[portsandstars]

Some more pictures from the last time I wore this cosplay, hopefully I can do a full photoshoot soon:)

[thedeadthree]

𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐎𝐍 𝐀𝐆𝐄: 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐕𝐄𝐈𝐋𝐆𝐔𝐀𝐑𝐃 ➸ irulanne . the rook .

𝐌𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐍 𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒 . 𝐄𝐋𝐅 . 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐄 .

-`. template by @kanos . coloring . icons .

✧ ― 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 (ask to be added or removed or interact 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞!!):

@pavus, @wlwaerith, @shadowsofrose, @grapecaseschoices, @nokstella

@queennymeria, @risingsh0t, @carrionsflower, @leviiackrman, @griffin-wood

@confidentandgood, @aceghosts, @tommyarashikage, @shadowglens, @yharnams

@anoras, @theelderhazelnut, @florbelles, @celticwoman, @pinkfey

@kyberinfinitygems, @cloudofbutterflies92, @carlosoliveiraa, @shellibisshe, @adelaidedrubman

@lavampira, @capelizabeth, @socially-awkward-skeleton, @statichvm, @unholymilf

@aezyrraeshh, @imogenkol, @aceghosts, @full---ofstarlight, @ellierenae

[therefugeofbooks]

— Currently reading Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones

[meldoesthedraw]

Mari-lore Comics #10-11: SUCCESS

She's IN!!!

But how will she mesh with the rest of the Up Late With Miss Piggy writing team, really?

Will she foster friendships with her new Muppet coworkers? Romance, even?

And most importantly: will Zoot EVER remember her name??

Stay tuned, dear readers... 👀

[roomba-mangga]

being normal about thistle and the touden siblings in the most insane way because imagine you're a sad out of touch hopelessly devoted little magician whose family has been actively pushing for you to see this path of self-destruction that they set you on to its fatal end and being confronted with that sends you tumbling down a doom spiral to hell from which there is no escape but then suddenly from out of nowhere two brainless randos bust into your house and offer the first real acts of kindness and gentle touch and validation of your personhood you've received in at least a few decades if not centuries if not your whole life (for want of which you Did All This Shit in the first place), and unlike the other dickheads breaking into your house all they care about is Being Nice To You For Free and deep frying your security cameras and tbh you wouldn't know how to react to this on a good day whatever that looks like so you just go along and eat their funny snacks and tie them both to a pole like puppies you picked up off the side of the road and then with all that said and done you immediately die

[pinkberrypocky]

How Kyoko Did What Mami Couldn’t

A long rambling series of thoughts about how kyoko and mami are more similar than they seem and how kyoko is the one who truly succeeds at it

So normally I think of Sayaka and Kyoko being the duo to think about, but upon this rewatch I noticed some interesting things about Mami. Mami’s role in the anime is essentially to show Madoka and Sayaka the ropes of being a magical girl and help them decide if they want to become magical girls themselves. However, there is a massive gap in this goal of hers/our perception of her role in the show and what she actually does in the anime. Mami tells Madoka and Sayaka that she wants them to know the stakes of becoming a magical girl before they decide if that’s something they are willing to go through in order to have a wish granted. On a surface level, this seems like exactly what she does. She takes them with her while she hunts and kills witches, she talks with them about potential wishes, and she even warns Sayaka about the possible complications of making a wish for someone else’s sake. However, in actuality she only encourages Madoka and Sayaka to become magical girls, all while sheltering them from the true weight of the profession, though this is likely not known even to her as she does so. She takes them into witch fights without ever warning them that this is a life or death scenario and she might not be able to protect them. Instead, she tells them that she’ll protect them and puts up a front that she is an unstoppable and untouchable object. But that obviously crashes down very quickly when she dies in front of them in the third episode. While telling Madoka and Sayaka that she is going to teach them what it is to be a magical girl, she effectively shelters them from the very things they need to be aware of in order to make an informed decision on whether or not to make a contract. 

I want to emphasize that I don’t think this is intentionally selfish, though it definitely is in function. Mami didn’t have a choice when she became a magical girl, it was make a contract and become a magical girl or die. So it makes sense that it’s important to her that Madoka and Sayaka make an informed decision before jumping into magical girlhood. So why doesn’t she? Why does she put active effort into making sure they don’t see the ugliest parts? Why does she put up a front that she isn’t affected by risking her life to fight witches? Because she was trying to give Madoka and Sayaka the protection that is so starkly absent from her own life. Mami has no close relatives, her parents died in the car accident that forced her to become a magical girl years ago. This means she has been on her own for a long time. And remember, all of the characters are middle schoolers. Mami had to grow up far too fast and so she tried to protect Madoka and Sayaka from this by sheltering them from the cold truth about being a magical girl. Not that I’m saying she kept explicit secrets, Mami died never knowing about the truth of the soul gems or the witches, but she kept the psychological effects and risk of serious physical harm from them, even though it was with good intentions. 

What’s wrong with that? I think we can all agree that these girls could all use a more active parental figure to protect them. So was Mami in the right for this? No. The issue with this is that it is starkly incompatible with the goal she expressed to Madoka and Sayaka, to teach them what it’s like to be a magical girl. Unfortunately, Madoka and Sayaka have already been pulled into this world and as such deserve to be informed about what that entails. Mami is incapable of doing this. But if Mami really wanted what was best for Madoka and Sayaka and to be a mentor to them, wouldn’t it make more sense for her to tell them the truth and then help them work through it? Yes, yes it would. But she can’t, because the real obstacle holding Mami Tomoe back from being 100% honest with Madoka and Sayaka is the fact that she is so deeply afraid of being alone. Mami has been alone since becoming a magical girl, both in the way that being a magical girl isolates all of them but also in that her family is dead. Mami has no one. So when Madoka and Sayaka enter the picture with the preassigned, by Kyubey, context that they might want to become magical girls, Mami is set on selling them the job. Because if Madoka and Sayaka become magical girls then she won’t be alone anymore, both in fighting witches and in life. So even though Mami has the surface level goal and knowledge of making sure Madoka and Sayaka know the truth, she has a much stronger goal hidden beneath the surface from even herself: to not have to be alone anymore. So in actuality, she doesn’t want Madoka and Sayaka to realize how horrible the job is, because if they did there’s no way they’d join her and she’d remain alone. Because of this goal that she herself isn’t aware of, she consequently presents a false narrative of what it is to be a magical girl, therefore putting Madoka and Sayaka in immense amounts of danger. 

Mami is a tragic character because what she wants to do is the opposite of what she does, and as soon as she reaches her goal she is killed at the height of her positivity. But that’s not to say that there isn’t a character who doesn’t do the work of explaining the truths of the magical girl world in an accurate and effective way in the series. But that girl isn’t Mami, it’s Kyoko. 

The moment in the show that sparked this whole train of thought for me was in the scene in episode nine right before Madoka and Kyoko confront witch Sayaka. Kyoko asks Madoka if she’s sure about coming with her, reminding her that she can’t say for sure that she can protect her and pointing out that she doesn’t even know if her plan will work. Madoka affirms that she wants to come along, and begins a bit of a monologue about how she’s never been able to help the magical girls since she is too scared to become one herself. Kyoko immediately tells Madoka that she’s one of the lucky ones, that if it’s not a life or death situation she shouldn’t even think about making a contract with Kyubey. Madoka pushes back on this but Kyoko holds firm, insisting that it’s not wrong for Madoka to enjoy her life and that there is no pressure or reason for her to become a magical girl. Whether or not Madoka is able to truly hear and internalize Kyoko’s words is separate, though based on the end of the show I think we all know that conversation did not encode, the fact of the matter is that Kyoko bore all the truths of the situation to Madoka. She didn’t pull any punches, and she didn’t shelter or protect Madoka from things that she thought might be too hard on her. 

This lack of sugar coating is really important to Kyoko’s character as a whole. Throughout the show she always speaks what she believes to be the truth, which is really all you can ask of her considering the earth shattering secrets Kyubey kept from all of them. You can see this a lot with Sayaka, who Kyoko tries time and time again to convince to change her ways to put more emphasis on herself. Kyoko knows that Sayaka is functioning as if the world follows her strictly constructed ideals, and she also knows that the world doesn’t. She used to think like Sayaka, but she was forced to face the truth that sometimes the world is horrible. Sometimes the people you love most hurt you. Sometimes a wish you made out of love only leads to pain. She tries countless times to convey this to Sayaka, which is exemplified most plainly in the scene in Kyoko’s father’s old church. She tosses Sayaka an apple, saying she has a long story to share with her, but Sayaka immediately throws the apple to the floor. The symbolism of apples cannot be ignored in this scene, especially considering the setting of the church and the nature of the story Kyoko shares with Sayaka. Sayaka rejecting the apple, the biblical symbol of knowledge, at the beginning of the scene shows her refusal to face the truth even when it is handed to her.So even while Kyoko failed to be heard, which is very reminiscent of her father and the nature of her wish and I plan to discuss further later on, she did not fail to convey the whole, brutal truth. Kyoko acts truly selflessly when she tries to get Madoka and Sayaka to understand the realities of being a magical girl, which is so interesting considering she is so adamant that she is a selfish person. All the other characters in the series want so badly to be selfless, but end up finding that in the end they are unable to get rid of that selfish part inside them. As I described earlier, Mami does this when she warps her portrayal of magical girl life, but it can also be seen in Sayaka who makes a wish to heal her crush’s incurable injury and ends up feeling cheated and jealous when he doesn’t recognize her. Sayaka sets out to be a magical girl like Mami was, and in this way she completes her goal. She strives endlessly, however hopelessly, to be selfless and eventually dies in the process. Sayaka suffers because no matter how hard she wants to be selfless she isn’t. Which isn’t to say she’s a bad person, very few people are capable of doing things that are 100% selfless, nevermind doing so all the time. But Kyoko, who is always saying how selfish she is, is the one who is able to be truly selfless by giving Madoka, and attempting to give Sayaka, the whole truth without any sugar coating so that they can make their own decisions based on what they want. Kyoko thinks she’s selfish because she doesn’t believe that fighting is something that should be done unless there is no other option, but it is actually this belief that allows her to selflessly present Madoka and Sayaka with the truth.

[toxicdogs]

Commissions for cats vet bills!

Hello! I really need help paying for my cats vet costs, his name is Dewi, he is my sweet boy and he is having severe bladder issues due to stress. We just lost one of our cats two weeks ago, I literally cannot take losing this boy as well.

I unfortunately just had to empty my bank account to pay for his treatment yesterday which saved his life. But he's having to go back in today bc he can't pass any liquids still. So I am opening my commission at a discount! My prices are below, but if they are too expensive or you'd like something cheaper, please contact me! I also have a ko-fi.

If you know anyone who would like a character portrait or commission please share it around! All boosts and shares help a ton!

Some examples of my work below!

+ this is Dewi <3

[museaway]

friends, I'd love it you would reblog this and put in the tags something that makes you happy

[someoldfires]

thinking abt the things the writers said on that panel recently abt the will they/wont they tension keeping people watching and that youre not gonna give that up too easily. thinking about nandor + guillermo + kiss post it note. thinking about the seemingly random upswing of people involved in the show recently denying/downplaying the romantic buildup between them while also keeping everyone talking about it. many thoughts

[aldermos]

Surge and Amy are now interacting, and the first panel that we see the two interacting in does not help the "Bi/Lesbian Amy" allegations in the slightest.

I JUST SAW THE PANEL HELPPPPPP 🙏🙏🙏

i'll take any crumbs so this in itself is a big win for us surgamy truthers 🫢 this idw issue is definitely gonna open the floodgates to new ppls (similar to mha togachako i want to say) im all for itttt

amy is definitely a fruit though there's too many panels of evidence to say otherwise 🤭 /lh /hc

[kvothes]

so far people seem intrigued by the fic concept which is super nice. gonna try and respond to comments tonight :)

[clownrosary]

My stonathan fic for @strangerthingsbigbang is up! I was partnered with @karadanverss for this project, who made an incredible moodboard (and the banner above)! Her art is linked both on her blog, and in the fic notes- be sure to check it out!

Tags (and a snippet) below the cut:

Jonathan Byers/Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington & Female OC(s), Past Tommy Hagan/Steve Harrington, Past Jonathan Byers/Nancy Wheeler, Past Steve Harrington/Nancy Wheeler, Jonathan Byers & Joyce Byers & Will Byers & Eleven | Jane Hopper, Jonathan Byers & Female OC(s)

Early 2000s, Light Angst, Slow Burn, Coming Out, Domestic Fluff, Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Jonathan Byers-Centric, Parent Steve Harrington

-

The next Thursday, there’s a blip in their routine.

Instead of offering the usual coffee and tea, Steve sheepishly brings out a few pints of ice cream. They all sit back and begin to wind down, and he turns to Paloma, fingers drumming anxiously against his bowl.

“Did I ever tell you about how I met your aunt Robin?”

Paloma rapidly shakes her head, eyes shining in anticipation.

He begins telling an abridged version of the story. One without Russian spies, or any mention of the supernatural. Jonathan watches them with quiet satisfaction, smiling around a spoonful of vanilla while Paloma and Joyce listen to the tale. Steve flushes deep red when everyone laughs at the mention of his old sailor uniform.

Jonathan turns to Paloma during Steve’s blushing to reveal, “You know, I think I’ve got a photo of it lying around somewhere.” He adds, “Buckley might be somewhere in the background, too.”

Steve’s head whips around. “Wait, really?”

Paloma squeals with excitement, clasping her hands together. “Oh my god, this is the best news I’ve heard all week- you have to show me!”

Joyce helps him dig through old boxes the next day, sorting through yellowed photographs. An old Beatles record keeps them company in the background, a shared favorite of he and Joyce.

It’s the most normal he’s felt alongside her in a long time.

She coos at the photos of everyone all tiny and baby-faced, especially Will and El. It takes them a while to find what they’re looking for, enough that Jonathan fears he may have made it all up. But there it is, tucked away in an envelope labeled Summer ‘85.

A quick snapshot taken in Starcourt Mall’s food court, focused on Will and Dustin, both doubled over in laughter. Dustin is not-so-discreetly pointing in the direction of Scoops Ahoy, where Steve is attending customers, completely unaware. He’s fully decked out in his sailor uniform, stupid hat and all, leaning over the counter with a charming grin. A group of women are gathered in front of the waffle cone display, unimpressed. Robin stands nearby, out of focus and only halfway in the picture, but she’s somehow glaring directly at the camera.

That Sunday, Jonathan quietly places the photo into Paloma’s unexpecting hands. The gasp she lets out is loud enough to have Steve jumping in his seat, on edge until he sees what she’s holding. Panic fades away into an embarrassed groan, his face once again flushing red at the attention.

“Dad, these shorts are short.” Paloma sticks the photo in his face, tapping at it emphatically. “You’re standing behind the counter and I can still see your thigh- it looks more like you’re selling your body than the ice cream!”

Steve squawks at her comment, and the rest of them fall into laughter. It feels warm, bright. And even through Steve’s embarrassment, Jonathan can see the happiness pouring out of him in waves.

It’s a good look on him.