#and when you fucking say shit about her song being called “October Rain”

[sopranoentravesti]

Man it’s really fun when goyim just cannot cannot resist letting rightful criticism of Israel descend into the whole “Jews control the media.”

Take it from someone who has bitched about Hasbara for longer than you’ve known what it was. Please stop saying shit about “Israel’s PR Army.”

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Little Rain Cloud 🖤

Summary; Yn arrives at Hawkins high and captures the eye of Eddie. Sarcastic and blunt she makes her way into Eddie's heart and he slowly makes his way into hers

Warnings; None really, swears.

Also includes this request by an anon

Hi! I just got an idea where Eddie and reader go to prom and she does the dance from the show Wednesday she has Wednesday’s personality too and Eddie is totally into it. Idk how to explain

Likes or reblogs are always appreciated and reblogs especially are extremely helpful💖 I don't give anyone permission to copy my work.

On a stormy morning in early October, a new girl called yn arrived in Hawkins and to Hawkins high.

The new girl was dressed all in black, ignoring the stares and whispers of the students as she walked down the hall and to her assigned locker.

English with Mrs. O'Donnell is first and as she enters the classroom one of the boys laughs.

"Check out Dracula's bride. Hey, new girl. Gonna bite me?" the neanderthals next to him chuckle along with him.

Her stone cold glare silences them.

"No thanks, I have taste you know" that silences them and she takes the empty seat next to a perky brunette who's called Robin.

"Hi, I'm Robin, it's so nice to meet you, you're the new girl yn? The last new people here were Max and her brother Billy but less said about him the better... Because he's totally a jackass but he kinda redeemed himself and... She stops herself, sorry I'm babbling aren't I?"

"I had an uncle who did that once, wouldn't stop talking" she replies to Robin who raises her eyebrows.

"I'm sorry had?" Robin inquires.

"His wife cut out his tongue and fed it to her pet pig" Robin's eyes widen.

"Sorry about your uncle" yn shrugs.

"I was more upset for the pig" Robin bursts out laughing and yn smiles, hmm this girl seemed okay, a little chatty for her tastes but nice enough.

"Mr Munson, so nice of you to join us," Ms. O'Donnell says to a boy who's just arrived. He looks a little bit older than the kids in class but not by much. A year or two?

He has shaggy dark hair, big brown eyes and is dressed in jeans, a leather jacket, a denim vest, and Reebok trainers, a sheepish smile adorns his features, he has dimples when he smiles.

His eyes briefly connect with hers and he stares at her looking stunned for a second.

She can't seem to take her eyes off those dimples. Unnerved by this she concentrates on the work that is being handed out.

🖤

It isn't until lunch a few days later that Eddie is introduced to her. The new girl who he first saw in Ms O'Donnells class.

Normally he wouldn't believe in love or first sight or that shit but he knew without a doubt he was captivated by her.

She's coming into the cafeteria with Robin, dressed in a black pleated skirt, and a band t-shirt his heart skips a beat when he notices it's Iron Maiden, she's wearing black boots with a heel that looks like they could cause some damage if used.

He can't stop staring at her, at those pretty eyes and gorgeous hair. She's close to his table and he thanks his lucky stars when Robin stops to say hey.

"Hey, uh who's your friend?"

"Yn and you are?"

"Eddie, Eddie Munson, hey it's cool that you like Iron Maiden. I'm a big fan as well"

"I prefer Metallica but they are a close second" that's it. He's pretty fucking sure he is making love heart eyes now.

"They are my favourite too, can play a few of their songs on my guitar off by heart now" she sits down.

"Fascinating. Would you teach me to play? I'm a fast learner"

"I'd love to" he stammers out and Gareth kicks him under the table.

She sits for a full ten minutes discussing songs with him until Robin tells her they need to go and get lunch.

He watches her go and his heart is racing in his chest, he can't wait to talk to her again.

🖤

Eddie is her new partner for Bio. Thank God, the last one was an imbecile who spent more time trying to stare at her chest than do some work.

The staring only stopped when she threatened to nailgun his testicles, he thought she was joking and laughed.

"In a pinch, a sharp pen will do" she then told him with a smirk and then he requested a transfer to sit with some girl who was fawning over him.

So yes, Eddie was much more acceptable and he had impeccable taste in bands so that was also a win.

It would be easier to concentrate on her work though if the girl called Ali who was sitting beside Jason wasn't talking so loud that she couldn't hear her own thoughts.

"My Little brother took my Barbie, he just took it. Fair enough it was old and stuffed in the attic but still. The little shit always ruins my stuff"

Jason turns to her and there's a cocky grin on his face when he realises she was listening.

"Do you like Barbie dolls too gorgeous?"

"When I was five I took the heads off Barbies and flushed them down the toilet," she tells the girl matter of factly who is sitting beside Jason and she notices Eddie trying not to laugh.

"Oh my God, the poor Barbies" Ali gasps in horror and she shrugs.

"I feel more sorry for the toilet" at that point Eddie can't hide his laughter anymore and yn turns to him, that intense stare draws him in even more.

"Do you find my childhood reminiscing funny in some way?" she asks him and he smiles.

Jason snorts.

"Munson no one asked you for your opinion freak" Yn frowns and adresses Jason.

"I think I can decide who to talk to for myself thanks" Jason's cheeks grow pink.

"Don't say I didn't warn you. Probably wants you to join his Hellfire cult and summon the devil"

Eddie is about to snap back at the asshole when yn speaks up.

"That sounds delightful" Ali and Jason gape at her and Eddie finds himself increasingly smitten with this new girl.

"You can join in the campaign next week if you like?" he hopes she says yes and silently pumps his fist under the desk when she does.

Jason still seethes that she didn't listen and the childish glare on his face annoys her.

Eddie nudges her.

"Don't think many girls say no to him" she rolls her eyes.

"I don't need anyone to watch out for me, I can take care of myself" he nods to her shoes.

"Shit I bet they could do some damage" a smile graces her features.

"Perfectly sharp and lethal, enough to take out an eyeball or testicle of some creep" this vanishes the smirk from Jason's face but amused Eddie to no end.

"Remind me to never get on your bad side"

🖤

"This is a fantasy game, not worshipping. I was gravely misinformed" she tells Eddie unamused as she stares at the dice and figures.

"I did think you were joking. You never brought it up again all week so I thought you wouldn't come, you never mentioned when we were speaking earlier"

Frowning she sits on one of the seats closest to Eddie's.

"We could make you up a cool character and you could try one campaign. See if it's your thing. I like spending time with you" he admits and his admission makes him smile shyly which creates a peculiar feeling in her stomach.

What was this?

Maybe she could ask Robin? Didn't she work at Family Video? She would go there tomorrow to talk to her.

"Maybe like an Elven princess or something like that" she blanches.

"Do I look like a princess type to you?" he grins those damn dimples showing again.

"Maybe a dark sorceress then?" that sounded more like it.

"Yes. Trained in combat with a penchant for knives and archery" she adds on.

Eddie nods along with her and wants to ask if that's based on her but the guys are all eager to play and he is anxious to see how she does.

One hour later she has created her character and entered the D&D universe. Already Dustin has joined her side due to her fierce magic and she's battled with Demogorgons.

Eddie watches her impressed as she rolls the dice once again earning a hit on the monster she's battling.

"You're a natural at this" he beams and his praise has her heart skipping a beat.

All these funny feelings around Eddie were disconcerting. It would be easier if she found him repulsive like Jason. Granted he wasn't unfortunate looking but his personality was subpar.

That was enough for her to decree Carver an idiot, she also didn't like the way he bullied the Hellfire Club, if she was part of this club he would rule the day he made fun of her.

In Eddie's case, she found him interesting in every way, the way he talks, how passionate he is, his love for fantasy and heavy metal.

His absolute insistence that he performed by no one's rules or expectations.

She liked it more than she thought possible.

🖤

The next day is a no go to head to Family Video but she ends up going on Sunday instead.

Robin beams when she sees her and her co-worker a guy with exceptionally perfect hair and hazel eyes looks her up and down and a smile works it's way on his face.

"I got this one, Robin" Robin rolls her eyes and pats Steve's shoulder.

"Not this one bud, a friend is currently smitten" Steve looks confused but heeds what Robin says.

"Judging by your facial expressions something terrible has happened? Are you okay?" Robin asks concerned.

It's only when she tells Robin that her friend stops panicking and teases her.

"Yes I knew it, tell me more. I'll help!"

Robin listens to her patiently as she tells her of her feelings, those funny reactions she gets when she sees Eddie.

"This is some magic Robin, some strange spell" Robin bites back a smile.

"No... it's butterflies, a feeling you get when you're around someone you like. A kinda fluttering in your stomach"

Butterflies?

"I'd prefer bats but go on...

"You like Eddie, like oh he's cute I'd like to kiss him like" hearing Robin spell it out makes her flustered.

She's never had a crush before not really. Robin senses this and smiles.

"Eddie's your first crush huh?" she nods and feels those butterflies again.

"This is absurd. He dazzled me with those eyes and dimples" Robin laughed at this.

"If it helps he's just as smitten as you are. It's pretty obvious when he's making moon eyes at you... Speak of the devil" Robin nods as Eddie comes in the store.

He chats to Steve and meets her gaze walking over to her.

"Hey, sweetheart. Was about to browse the horror section. Wanna join me?" she nods feeling nervous, she doesn't usually feel nervous and that was unsettling.

Those brown eyes weaved magic that was for sure.

"You could join me if you like. I was thinking of watching The Thing or Halloween, something like that?"

Like she ever needed an excuse to watch a horror movie.

"Throw in some popcorn and we have a deal" he agrees.

"Popcorn and Ice cream await if that sweetens the deal?" she nods.

From that moment on they were pretty much inseparable.

🖤

"So uh, I don't know if you realised but the Winter dance is coming up soon. The snow ball" Eddie brings up during their latest movie night where they are watching Nosferatu.

"A ball?" he nods looking nervous.

"Yeah, normally all that conforming bullshit of school dances and shit makes me sick but if you wanted to go... Would be nice"

He was asking her to the Snow Ball the notion sends those dratted butterflies fluttering around her belly.

"If it will stop you looking at me with those for eyes of yours then fine, she softens. I'd love to go with you"

Sheer delight etches on his features and conversation resumes to non dance related subjects.

They both have smiles on their faces all through the movie.

🖤

Robin takes her dress shopping with Nancy both are grinning at her reactions to some of the dresses.

"I feel nauseated. It's like a rainbow and a unicorn puked out this hellscape" she informs them as they begin to set out for dresses.

All hope isn't lost as she finds a gorgeous little black dress with lace trim around the bottom, the neckline is a tad plunging but the dress is gorgeous.

Robin and Nancy each find dresses too and she begins to feel a small frissonn of excitement about this dance.

Not that she would tell anyone that of course.

🖤

Eddie can't believe that he is at the Winter dance with yn, she's so beautiful and looks stunning in her dress.

"Do you want to dance sweetheart?" he asks her feeling a little nervous and she nods. An up-tempo song is playing. Girls on film by Duran Duran.

He would prefer Black Sabbath or Metallica but this will have to do. Plus when yn begins to dance throwing her head back, and doing some very intricate and unusual moves he's more captivated by her than by the music.

He smiles as she rolls her shoulders to the music, moving her body to the beat.

The song ends and a slower one takes its place. She looks at him and a trace of shyness crosses her features but it's gone quickly.

"We can go sit if you like?" he assures her and she shakes her head after a few second.

"No, it's okay" she moves closer to him and he wraps his arms around her as she rests her head on his chest.

They sway to the music and yn can feel her heartbeat speed up. Whenever she is with Eddie her guard drops more and more.

He rests his head on top of hers and she burrows closer into him.

Tilting her head up she looks deep into his big brown eyes and strokes along his cheek.

He kisses her, his lips moving against hers gently then turning more passionate as she deepens the kiss.

When they part he looks spellbound exactly how she feels and she longs to kiss him again moving closer to do just that.

🖤

[sweetdreamsjeff]

25 Years Of Grace: Christopher Dowd On His Friend Jeff Buckley

Twenty-five years ago today, Jeff Buckley released his debut/swan-song masterpiece, Grace. A forthcoming book entitled 25 Years Of Grace pays tribute to this beautiful album with a lush coffee table book, featuring hundreds of photos from Merri Cyr and Buckley historian Jeff Apter. The book offers insights from those who were there during the making, a hefty chapter including most of the photos from the Grace album cover and promotional photo shoot, and a section of modern musicians discussing the album and how it influenced them. When we planned this excerpt, the book was within a week or two of release, and though its release has been pushed back to October, we’re proud to present this excerpt, featuring Christopher Dowd of Fishbone discussing his friend and his roommate. 

25 Years Of Grace: An Anniversary Tribute To Jeff Buckley’s Classic Album will be released October 21st. You can preorder the book here.

 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Jeff Apter:How did you first meet Jeff?

Chris Dowd: One night Carla Azar [Dowd’s girlfriend and a classmate of Jeff’s at the Musicians Institute in LA] called me and said she was going for a ride and her friend Jeff was in the car. I was burned out from touring with Fishbone; we toured nonstop for two and a half years. I was drunk as shit, it was raining, I had my head out the window, and it rained all over Jeff. He just sat there quietly, didn’t say shit. Carla called me and told me to call Jeff and apologize—I did, and we became friends. Jeff lived with me for like a year and a half, and I knew him as a guitar player only. I had no idea he could even sing.

JA: What kind of roomie was Jeff?

CD: He was an awesome housemate. We just had fun, man, had a good time, being open, honest, talking for hours. The Jeff I knew was as funny as hell, but completely socially awkward at times. You know, like: “Jeff, this may not be the best time to say that, dog.” But he was also one of those people who was loyal to a fault, until it hurts. And as far as his legacy goes, if he’d known how it played out, he would have given away every-fucking-thing with his name on it. That’s how he was. He was a truly selfless person.

A thing that blew my mind about Jeff was this mimic thing he had; he was freakish. I heard him play “Giant Steps” on the guitar once and he was exactly like John Coltrane. I don’t idealize motherfuckers, I’m not that guy, but he was the exception to the rule.

JA: Did he ever mention his father, Tim Buckley?

CD: He never came up. I only heard about him after St. Ann’s. He explained it to me: “It’s just a thing for my dad.” The first thing that came out of my mouth was: “Who the hell was your dad?”

JA: “Last Goodbye” started to come together when you and Jeff lived together in LA, is that right?

CD: “Last Goodbye” is about Carla Azar, especially that line “Kiss me out of desire not consolation.” Every guy at that time was in love with Carla. She played drums, she was pretty, she was the coolest girl you ever met in your entire life. Carla was the perfect girlfriend, but they were never a couple.

JA: How did you react when Jeff signed with Columbia, Fishbone’s label? Was it a good fit for Jeff?

CD: I think the one lucky thing with Jeff was that he got to be around my ass and watch something really cool implode [Dowd’s band was encountering extreme turbulence at the time], so when it came time for him to do his shit, he knew what to do. And he had Donnie [Ienner, Sony label boss] wrapped around his finger, because Donnie knew what they had: the new Bob Dylan.

JA: Do you think Columbia treated him well?

CD: Columbia definitely treated him with respect. More than anything, they couldn’t have plotted the level of reception he got from the musical hierarchy. It blew my mind. I’m sitting there with him and Elvis Costello calls—you know what I’m saying? He’s hanging out with Chrissie Hynde. Growing up in LA, this is the kind of stuff you dream about.

But I know that the idea of him being a star made him incredibly uncomfortable—being written up in the tabloids, with Courtney Love and shit, that freaked him out. He wanted to buy every newspaper and burn it, because he was embarrassed. He was kind of like this reluctant rock star.

JA: What’s the background to the time Radiohead came to see Jeff play, around the time of Grace?

CD: It was Thom Yorke; he came to see him play and left the show early. Jeff came back and told me about it. Jeff was highly sensitive in a lot of ways, especially when it came to music. He would be completely not secure when it came to his talents; at times, he didn’t recognize he had this thing. As far as artistic respect goes, well, Thom Yorke was a contemporary, and when he walked out, Jeff was like: “I must have sucked.” I said, “If anything, you freaked him out.” If OK Computer doesn’t sound like Jeff singing, I don’t know what does, but he went to his grave thinking that Thom Yorke hated his voice.

JA: Michael Tighe spoke about the recording of “So Real” and how spontaneous Jeff could be in the studio: Is that how you remember it?

CD: It was exactly like that. Also keep in mind I had never seen Jeff in process. I had no idea I was witnessing this as being “the take.” It is such a process to capture “the take” that I don’t think until Michael told you that story did I realize that he had done that spontaneously perfect take. It is such a rarity to see that happen in the flesh. But knowing Jeff and his process, he had done it and thrown it all away,torn it down a thousand times in his head, before he actually shared it with us. Then also thinking back we had such a close relationship and were so protective of one another it was also him sharing with me and saying, “I got this! You don’t have to be scared for me anymore. I have become the artist you always wanted and helped me become.” We would slide in and out of those roles for the entire relationship: Friend, brother, loved one, father, brother.

JA: What’s the magic of Grace; why does it connect with so many people?

CD: It had timing—that universal timing thing happened. Jeff wanted a second guitar player and Michael Tighe was there. He needed someone to follow what he did. It was very strategic the way he picked those guys—who are seasoned musicians now. And they sounded fucking great on Grace.

JA:How do you best remember Jeff?

CD: I can tell you what he was to me and what he stood for. How he had no filter, which was both hilarious and priceless. And rare. He had no agenda—he was air and earth unfettered! Tell me, how many people in your life you have known like that, that still have a childlike innocence? A Zen-like understanding of human beings. And a heart as big as a whale.

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Riding High Ch 21: The Truth ‘Bill’ Out

Chapter Summary: Fliss and Frank both struggle to deal with the aftermath of their break up so Bill decides to take things into his own hands...

Chapter Warnings: Bad Language words.

Chapter Pairings:  Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

A/N: Ok, I’m sorry I upset you with the last chapter… and a shout out to my partner in crime @icanfeelastormbrewing​ for her input in this chapter.

Chapter Song:  Wait for Me by Kings of Leon

Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist 

Take a shot in the rain, one for the pain, and listen up

Frank woke the next morning fully clothed on the sofa. Squinting he groaned at the pain in his head, scrambling to find his phone. As he swiped it cancel his alarm his thumb paused as he glanced at the photo of Fliss and Mary on the screen. Swallowing he turned the screen off, tossed his phone onto the table and pushed himself up, trudging to the shower.

He had spent most of the night drinking the expensive scotch his mother had bought him, trying to understand what had happened. He had tried to call Fliss, messaged her but her response had been a single text telling him she was sorry and requesting that he respect her decision. The worst thing had been trying to explain to Mary. Frank didn't believe in lying to her, certainly not if he could help it, but he had completely chickened out and told her that Fliss had some paperwork to do and would be staying at the annex for the night. Mart had accepted this, and it had bought him enough time to figure out what the fuck he was going to say.

He stumbled into the shower and then decided that the state his head was in he wasn't going to function in work. So once he was dried and had awoken Mary he called Paul and said they he had a migraine so wouldn't be in. He made Mary a sandwich and then once she was packed off on the bus he turned and headed back home.

Once in the living room he looked around. It was littered with reminders of her. Photos, a hoody draped over the dining table chair, those fucking scatter cushions. It was screaming at Frank to get rid if it all, but he couldn't. Not yet. He was still clinging to something desperate hope that she would come back, explaining what had happened and they'd work through it.

And then there was a knock at the door. He paused for a moment, before it opened and a familiar voice called his name.

"Frank? Son?"

He turned to face Bill as he walked through the door.

"She sent you for her stuff?" Frank asked and Bill eyed him for a moment before he shook his head.

"No. She hasn't. And, well even if she asked me to come get it I wouldn't...this is her mess, not mine."

Frank looked at him for a moment before he shrugged and headed into the kitchen grabbing the coffee from the cupboard.

"So what are you here for Bill?"

"Honestly?" Bill raised his eyebrows "to see how you were..."

"Fucking marvellous." Frank said, slamming the cupboard shut "girlfriend's left me, giving me no reason, I'm hungover to shit and at some point today I gotta figure out what I tell Mary."

He leaned back against the kitchen counter and pinched his nose before he scrubbed his hand down his face.

"How is she?" Frank looked at Bill. Bill sighed and shook his head.

"Hardly said a word since she came home yesterday evening." Bill shrugged "other than to tell she had ended things with you, that it was her decision and she wasn't going into it."

"She didn’t go into it with me either so..." Frank snorted, shaking his head. "So if you've come to find out what’s going on I can't help you Bill, because I don’t know."

"No, honestly Frank...I meant it when I said I came to see how you were. V and I were worried..."

Frank was about to shoot some sarcastic response back but when he saw Bill's face was arranged with genuine concern he simply shrugged and looked down, shaking his head.

"I love her Bill...and I thought things were going great. I just don't understand."

With a sigh Bill stepped forward and gripped Frank's shoulder.

"I'm really mad at her Frank." Bill sighed "but I know she’s hurting too...don't give up on her. Not just yet."

Frank sighed and scratched at his head as Bill released his grip on his shoulder. 

"She made it quite clear she doesn’t want to see me or talk to me Bill." Frank shrugged.

"She doesn’t know what she wants" Bill shook his head. "All am asking is that you at least try to talk to her."

"I need time, too Bill." He sighed "I'm angry and upset myself. I can't face her yet. It’s gonna be bad enough taking Mary up to see Monty..."

"I know." Bill said "and if you ever want me to take Mary instead so you don’t have to, certainly for the time being, I'm happy to do so."

Frank nodded "thanks."

"Ok, well you know where to find me." Bill shrugged “And I was hoping that, maybe when the dust settles a little, me and V can still take Mary out once a week, for a burger or something. You know we love that little girl, and nothing is gonna change that."

Frank looked at Bill and saw a flicker of worry flash across the older man's face.

"Bill..." Frank said gently "I'll never stop you and Verity seeing Mary. As long as you're happy to do so. I just...well I just don’t want it to be awkward for you and Fliss, meaning there's to be a point later where you leave her life too. Mary’s had enough turmoil over the last 12 months to last a lifetime."

"No I get that." Bill nodded "and thanks Frank. You're a good man."

Frank nodded and Bill gave him another small smile before he turned and headed out.

***** Mary didn’t take the news brilliantly, as Frank had anticipated. She’d teared up and asked Frank why Fliss wanted to leave them, to which Frank had answered as honestly as he could, that he simply didn’t know but that it was nothing to do with her. And then she’d surprised him by saying, for the first time ever that she didn’t want to go to Roberta’s that night, but she wanted to stay with him.  So they spent the Friday evening with a pizza, watched a film, both huddled together on the sofa. She didn’t mention Fliss again other than to say she didn’t want to go for her lesson either the next day, instead saying she would go during the week. Out of courtesy more than anything Frank messaged Fliss to let her know. After an hour or so she replied simply to tell him that it was fine and she would make sure Monty was looked after.

Monday morning rolled around and Frank was glad of the distraction if he was honest, burying himself into his work. And during the day he was ok because his mind was busy but in the evening after Mary had gone to bed and he himself was getting ready to hit the sack, he found himself simply staring at Fliss’s toothbrush and toiletries. Unable to look at them anymore he grabbed the various bottles of stuff belonging to her and placed them all in one of the wicker boxes held under the sink in the unit.

Tuesday evening he spent with Simon and Greg. Simon had heard from Bonnie what had happened when she had called Fliss. Simon informed Frank that Fliss had refused to talk to Bonnie about it and just asked the woman to leave it alone. They had a few beers and it was a good distraction for a while but again once they left, Frank was alone with his thoughts and an aching in his chest.

And it wasn’t just his thoughts. It was the physical reminders. As well as the photos and cushions, there was the dog basket in the bedroom that belonged to Thor, when he decided to sleep on it and not Mary’s bed that is, her favourite mug, the blue and gold shimmering wine glasses they’d bought, her clothes in the fucking closet. Frank had no idea what he was supposed to do. Did he pack it up and take it to her, or wait for her to come and claim it?

Wednesday morning Mary told him she wanted to go and see Monty so Frank nodded. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it. On the one hand he was happy he’d at least get to see Fliss, maybe they could have a reasonable conversation but on the other he knew seeing her was going to tear him in two. He also was a little worried how Mary was going to react. He called Fliss, and unsurprisingly she didn’t pick up. But surprisingly she did call him back a little after lunch.

“Hi.” he said, a little nervously as he answered.

“HI.” she replied quietly “I err, I had a call so…”

“Oh, yeah, erm, Mary wants to come up and see Monty so I wanted to make sure it was ok.” “Of course its ok.” she said gently, “Frank, I’d never stop her coming up to see her pony.”

“No I know that, I just…” Frank took a deep breath, “It doesn’t matter, we’ll see you later.” “Ok, erm, bye.” “Yeah, bye.”

He cut the call, his throat was dry and he felt like his heart was about to pound out through his chest. And that had been simply at the sound of her voice. It had been a week since he’d heard it and now it had knocked him for 6. And suddenly he wasn’t looking forward to seeing her at all.

****** Fliss tossed her phone down and ran her hands over her face. She was tired. Since moving back into the annex she hadn’t been sleeping properly, having nightmares for the first time in almost a year. She wasn’t eating properly and she was continually snapping at her parents too as they were crowding her she felt. Almost as much as when she had left Boston. She knew they were simply concerned, as was Bonnie but she just simply wanted to be left alone. She was hurting too, leaving Frank had killed her, it was the worst thing she had ever been through, worse than any beating John had inflicted on her.

She also knew at some point she was going to have to face him, go round and collect her stuff. Her mum and dad had made it quite clear they weren’t going to bail her out on that one, which was understandable she guessed. They were upset too, her dad especially as he was very close to Frank, and they both loved Mary as if she was their own grandchild.

It wasn’t her own life or Frank’s she’d thrown into chaos, it was theirs too.

She wiped at her eyes, stood up and headed out into the late October sun, striding over to the paddock as she rolled her shoulder which was sore from the tumble out of bed she’d taken in the middle of the night. It was her dodgy shoulder, the one John had dislocated as part of one of his beatings, so she knew that was going to be troubling her for a good week or so now she’d jarred it again. But in some sick, twisted way she relished the pain. A physical manifesto of the agony she was feeling inside.

She had 3 clients that afternoon, so the time whizzed by and before she knew it it was half 4 and Mary would be arriving any second. She turned and headed into her office, trying to calm herself down, feeling her anxiety spiking. Thor, having sensed it, gently nuzzled his nose onto her lap as he always did and she sat for a quiet 15 minutes simply breathing and stroking his soft head and ears, glad he was giving her something of a grounding. And then his ears pricked up as he caught the familiar sound of Frank’s truck and giving a low whine of excitement he shot off across the yard.

Taking a deep breath Fliss stood up and walked out of her office and saw Frank walking onto the main courtyard, Mary’s hand in his.

“HI…” Fliss greeted him a little tentatively, and he gave her a small smile, his eyes hidden behind his aviators.

“Hi.” he said gently.

“HI Mary.” Fliss looked at her and Mary glanced up, before she looked away.

“Hi.” she said a little stiffly. Fliss swallowed and then took a deep breath.

“Do you want to ride today or…” “No.” Mary shook her head “Not with you.” “Mary.” Frank said, looking down at her “Remember what I said in the truck…”

Mary took a deep breath and looked down at her feet, her boots kicking at the slate gravel which covered the yard before she looked up at Fliss “I just want to brush him today.” “Ok, well, he’s in the pasture. Do you want me to come-“ “I’ll ask Joanna.” Mary said, as she let go of Frank’s hand.

“She’s in the back barn, tell her I sent you.” Mary didn’t reply, she simply headed off.

“She’s upset.” Frank said as he watched her go. He turned to Fliss and shrugged “She’ll come round.”

Fliss gave him a small smile. “Do you want a drink or anything?”

“No, I’m good, thanks.” he said, shaking his head “Think I’m gonna go with Mary…” “Sure.” Fliss nodded, “I’ll be in the office. If she needs me or changes her mind about riding, just…” Frank gave her a tight smile again before he headed off.

Fliss watched him leave, claiming her hand over her mouth tightly before she pinched the bridge of her nose, screwing up her eyes to try and stem the tears which were threatening to come. Composing herself she turned and headed back into her office and started to busy herself with some lesson plans.

It was about 40 minutes later when there was a knock at the door and Frank poked his head in.

“We’re gonna go.” he said, “Do you want Monty back out or…”

“No, it’s fine.” she stood up “I’ll do it later once he’s been fed.” “Ok…” he nodded, turning to go.

“Is Mary ok?” Fliss asked and Frank stopped. He took a deep breath and turned to face her.

“What do you think?” he said, his voice was a little harsher than it had been before and Fliss hung her head.

“Sorry.” she said softly. “Can I talk to her.” “Be my guest.” he said, turning once more to leave “Not sure it will do you much good.”

Fliss rose from her chair, her hands shaking a little as she headed out after him. Mary was packing her brushes back in the little box kept by Monty’s stable.

“Hey.” Fliss greeted her “Was he a good boy?” “He’s always a good boy.” Mary shrugged, standing up and stroking his nose.

“That’s true.” Fliss said, her hands slipping into the pockets of her breeches. “So, do you want to ride at weekend? We can try that jumping…”

"Why don't you love me or Frank anymore?" Mary cut her off, spinning to face her. Fliss felt her heart break even further as she looked at the little girl who was staring at her, her large eyes wide and wet with tears. "No, no Mary..." Fliss crouched down and looked at her "I do honey, I do love you, I love you so much, I just..." "You just don't love Frank anymore?" Fliss took a deep breath, a tear rolling down her cheek. “I'll always love Frank..." "Then why did you leave our home?" Mary began to sob "what did he do?" "Mary..." Fliss shook her head "I just had to. I wish I could explain it better but I can't. You're too young to..." "Stop saying that!" Mary yelled and she spun round, pointing at Frank who had up until that point had been stood at the door to the barn, deliberately looking the other way. Hearing her outburst he turned in time to see Mary raise her hand towards him. "He keeps telling me that too, but I'm not stupid! Why do you both keep treating me like I am?" "Mary..." Frank said softly as he strode towards her. "Come on..." "I hate you..." Mary glared at Fliss who looked as though she has been physically slapped. Her head dropped and she looked down at the floor taking a deep breath. "Mary..." Frank shook his head "Don’t say that..." "I do." Mary's face was full of rage "She made you cry...she made me cry...she promised she would always be there and now she's not and..." "Ok. Ok..." he said gently, he himself crouching down in front of her, a meter or so away from Fliss "I get that you're angry but be kind huh.” "Why should I?" Mary shook her head. "Because I'm asking ya to." Frank said softly. "I told you before on the way here that this..." he gestured with his hand between himself and Fliss, his eyes flicking to the woman's face as she wiped a tear from her cheek, “…us breaking up...it doesn’t mean that Fliss doesn't care about you." "If she did she wouldn't be leaving me!" Mary blazed and at that point Frank shook his head. "It’s me she's leaving Stack, not you."

Fliss took a deep breath and stood up, turning away, her hand covering her mouth. Frank glanced up at her before he turned to Mary.

"Go wait in the truck." He said to her gently "I won’t be be long"

Mary shot one last look at Fliss before she did as Frank had said and headed off out of the barn and disappeared out of sight.

"Sorry." Frank looked at Fliss as she turned to face him "She shouldn't have said that."

"It doesn't matter..." Fliss shook her head avoiding his gaze. "She’s every right to be angry. I have let her down."

"I think it might be best, certainly for the foreseeable if you take care of Monty." Frank said his voice even and Fliss looked up at him, a mix of sadness and surprise on her face.

"But he is her pony..."

"Oh come on Fliss..." he snorted and shook his head. “Surely you can't be that naive as to think that thinks could just carry on..."

"No but..."

"How can I bring her here if every time she comes she’s gonna react like that?" Frank ran his hand through his hair "it's me that has to deal with the fall out and I'm struggling to deal with my own feelings at the moment"

“Ok, if that’s what you want…” “No, I don’t want!” Frank shook his head “I don’t want any of this…but you’ve made it perfectly clear you do and I’ll respect that. I just wish you respected me enough to tell me why.” “Frank, please…” “You left, with no explanation, other than it wasn’t working…but there’s more to it, I can see it written on your face.” his voice was level but his jaw was twitching “Don’t you think I have a right to know?” Fliss tipped her head back and looked up at the sky, blinking back her tears as he continued.

“How would you feel if I had walked out on you, with nothing more than some shitty explanation about it not working and needing space, when a month before we’d been planning for a future together? Fliss, I wanted to marry you, spend my forever with you and…” He trailed off, shaking his head looking around “I’ve spent the last week in a daze, I lay awake at night trying to understand and I just can’t…and that’s the worst bit.” Fliss looked down at her feet and shook her head softly.

“And that’s all you can do or say?” Frank snorted “Absolutely fucking nothing?”

“I’m sorry.” she looked at him, her eyes full of tears “I really am.”

“Yeah, well, so am I.” he said simply, “let me know when you want to collect your stuff from the apartment, I’ll make sure it’s ready.” and with that he turned and left.

*****

“I think it’s the fuel line…” Bill said, walking back into the office, where Fliss and Verity were sat having a coffee whilst he had been taking a look at Fliss’ wagon. It was early Friday evening and she’d wanted nothing more than to load Heidi up and take her for a blast down the beach to clear her mind, but when she had gone to start the wagon to move it out so she could load up her tack it had refused to start. “But I can’t be certain. Not something I can sort really…you’ll need a mechanic.” he turned to look at her “If only you knew one…” “Don’t start Dad.” Fliss shook her head. “Just…”

“Bill…” Verity gave him a warning glare, and Bill simply took a deep breath, shaking his head.

“I’ll speak to Alan, see if he knows a decent one that can come look at it.”

“Thanks.” Fliss said, standing up “I’m gonna go check the fields. Can you just throw the keys back in the drawer?”

“Sure, see you at home yeah?”

She nodded, called Thor to her and headed out.

Bill shook his head and moved to open the drawer to the desk. He tossed the keys inside, and then frowned as he saw the manila envelope that was stuffed inside.

“What is it?” Verity asked.

“That…that’s a Boston post mark….” he said, lifting it out. With a frown,  knowing full well there was only one person really from Boston that would be sending Fliss stuff, he turned it over and pulled out the printed photograph. His eyes scanned it and he let out an angry noise and strode out into the courtyard.

“Fliss!” he bellowed “Felicity Rose Gallagher, get back here right now…” “What’s going on?” Verity asked, and he thrust the photo at her by means of an explanation.

Fliss, having heard her dad shouting stopped dead and turned back to look at the office. She glanced down at Thor before she turned back and headed towards him.

“What’s…” she stopped dead as she saw the envelope on the desk and the photo in her mother’s hand.

“Care to explain this?” Bill said, snatching the paper out of Verity’s fingers and slamming it down on the desk."

"You had no right to go looking through my stuff." she looked at him, angrily.

"Oh cut the crap Liss." Bill shook his head “When did you get that?”

“Last Wednesday.” she said softly.

“Last Wednesday?” Verity frowned, “that was the day you finished with Frank…” she trailed off as the dots connected in her head as Fliss looked down at the floor

“Oh please tell me I’m wrong…” Verity looked at her, shaking her head.

Fliss didn’t respond.

"Oh, I cannot believe you.” Bill looked at her “This? This is why you ended it? Over some pathetic threat without even telling him?"

"It isn’t pathetic!" Fliss looked up at her dad, her eyes blazing. "I know what he is capable of..."

"Well in that case don't you think Frank has the right to know?" Bill glared at her. "If you believe Mary is in danger then you should have told Frank and gone to the police..."

Fliss swallowed and looked down, shaking her head "I know John. This is about having control over me. If he thinks he’s won he will leave them alone…”

"You’re so fucking stupid." Bill sighed.

“Bill…” Verity said gently, trying to calm him down but he was too far gone to listen.

"You've let him win Liss, after everything you went through….”

"This isn’t about him winning!" Fliss practically screamed "This about keeping Mary and Frank safe...not only from him but…well, can you imagine what Frank would have done if he’d seen that?"

“So have you rung John and told him you've done what he wants?"

“Of course I fucking haven't"

"No fault whatsoever in your logic there, huh Titch..." Bill snorted, sarcastically "Tell me, how exactly do you expect him to know it’s over?"

Fliss looked at her dad for a moment, floundering for a response. But she didn’t have one.

"Frank has a right to know about that photo, and more so he deserves to understand why you walked out on him." Bill shook his head, as Verity gently placed a hand on his arm.

"If you wanna discuss rights then I don’t have the right to put a target on his or Mary’s back.” Fliss screamed back before she took a deep breath, shaking her head “Now I’m going for a walk. See you at home.”

Bill watched as she left the office, an angry noise escaping from his throat.

“You were a bit hard on her there Billy.” Verity said, looking at him.

“She needed it.” Bill sighed. He placed both his hands on the desk and hung his head slightly “I can’t believe she’s been so stupid.” “She’s scared.” Verity said gently “She’s not thinking straight…” “You can say that again.” he looked at the photo for a second before he reached out and grabbed it, shoving it back in the envelope. He paused for a second, holding it in his hand before he turned to Verity “And I’m not standing for it…come one” “Where are we going?” Verity called after him as they made their way towards his car.

“To find Frank.” “Bill, we can’t…” Verity shook her head “If we go behind her back…” “Then you can wait in the car Verity.” he looked at her. “I don’t care what she says anymore, I’m not standing back and watching her throw anymore of her life away over that ass hole. And that aside, Frank has a right to know. So seeing as she’s too fucking stubborn to do it herself, then I’m gonna do it for her.”

***** “Thought I might find you here.”

Frank turned to look at Bill as he slid into the seat at the opposite side of the table to him in Ferg’s.

“Yeah well, not like I got much else to do.” Frank shrugged, taking a drink from his bottle.

“How many have you had?” Bill asked

“What are you my dad?” Frank shot back, turning to glare at him. Bill merely raised his eyebrows in response and Frank sighed, shaking his head.

“Sorry…” he took a deep breath “This is my first. Not been here long”

“Good...then you're still sober enough to think straight…” “Think straight about what?” Frank frowned. After a second or so pause Bill reached into his pocket and slid an envelope across the surface of the table.

“What’s this?” Frank frowned.

“An explanation.” Bill sighed, “Well, of sorts anyway.” Frank looked at him, frowning before he placed his bottle down and picked it up. He pulled out the paper from inside and glanced down at it. As soon as he saw the message typed out he felt the heat rise up his neck and into his face, anger flooding his system.

“Fuck…” Frank said loudly, shaking his head “He sent this?” Bill nodded.

“And this...this is why she broke it off?” “She thought if she finished it, gave John what he wanted as in to make her life a fucking misery, that he’d back off and it would mean you and Mary were safe.” “Jesus ...” Frank ran his hand through his hair “Why the fuck didn't she tell me?” “Because she was scared.” Bill said “Scared of what he would do and scared of your reaction” “My reaction?”

“Tell me you’re not thinking about hunting the fucker down and killing him yourself.” Bill looked at him and Frank looked away.

“If it wasn’t for Mary I’d have done that months ago.” he shook his head.

“Exactly. She was worried that this might have been that step that pushed you over the edge.” Bill shrugged. “Look, I’m not saying she’s right... in fact I’ve told her the opposite but, well, I just thought you had a right to know.”

“Can I keep this?” Frank asked after a moment’s pause “Regardless of what Fliss says, I’m taking this to the police this time.” “By all means.” Bill said. “But they’ll want to speak to Fliss so…”

“Tough.” Frank shrugged. “Now he’s pulled Mary into it I’m not fucking about anymore Bill.”

Bill nodded and stood up, clapping him on the shoulder. “Don’t think too badly of her Frank. I know she’s fucked up but she did think she was doing the right thing. We do stupid things to protect the people we love, as you know only too well.” Frank looked up at him and then back down to the photo. Bill turned to leave before he stopped and looked back over his shoulder.

“By the way, she’ll be at the yard.” he said, locking eyes with Frank. “Probably for another hour or so if the last week has been anything to go by. Just in case you wanted a more detailed explanation straight from the horse’s mouth so to speak.”

And with that he left Frank at the bar. Frank once more glanced down at the photo, before he rubbed at his beard. Now he had his explanation, his head was a mess of thoughts. He was angry, so angry that she’d done this, that she’d kept this from him but despite all of that, despite the fury and resentment he was feeling he couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of sympathy for her, that she’d tried to deal with all this on her own to keep him and Mary from having to.

“You fucking idiot Lissy…” he mumbled, before he shoved the photo back in the envelope and stood up, heading out to his truck.

**** Fliss was hanging Heidi’s bridle up in the tack room after a spontaneous ride around the fields when Thor gave a quick bark and shot out. Frowning, she headed to the door of the office, her eyes growing wide as she saw Frank striding purposely towards her, the setting sun illuminating his tall figure and the familiar envelope clutched in his hand.

Fuck…

“Care to explain this?” he waved it in the air as he reached the office threshold

“How did you…” “Your dad.” he said, thrusting it at her “He came to find me. Thought I had a right to know, and you know what…I’m kinda inclined to agree with him.”

“Frank…” “Were you ever gonna tell me?” he asked, tossing the envelope onto the desk “That he had made a threat towards Mary?” “I dealt with it.” she shook her head “There was no need to worry you.”

“You dealt with it?” he said, his voice was disbelieving “How? By ending things?” “Yes.” she nodded “Breaking it off with you…it was the best way of keeping you both safe.” “You are fucking unbelievable.” he shook his head “You ripped our lives from underneath us…”

“This hasn’t been easy on me either Frank!” she cut him off, angrily “Fuck, leaving you…it broke me. Like nothing I’ve ever felt before. You know, I’d rather take thousand beatings from John over that because…” she trailed off as Frank looked at her, her words sinking in as she shook her head and looked away “…because at least the physical pain would die down…”

“Don’t…” Frank shook his head, his voice cracking “Don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth. I had to keep you safe.” she turned her head to face him, “Both of you…”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” he pressed.

Fliss looked at him, her mouth opening before she shut it again and shook her head, her eyes dropping to the floor “I had to keep you safe…” “Keep us safe…that’s not answering my question.” She shook her head again. “Damnit Lissy, look at me.”

She raised her face to his, obediently.

“Why?” he pressed.

“I was frightened it might tip you over the edge…make you do something stupid.” she said, quietly.

“Stupid? Like what?” “Like go and hunt him down.” she swallowed.

“Seriously?”

“Yes!” she nodded. “You moved Mary over a thousand miles to keep her away from your own mother...”

“That is NOT the same…” Frank blazed at her

“And I was scared that if you saw this…you’d do something bad and then both of us would end up without you and…” “Fuck!”  Frank exploded, slamming his open palm down on the desk with a loud bang. Fliss immediately jumped back, her eyes wide with fright and Frank took a deep breath, as he realised he’d scared her. Besides him Thor gave a low rumble of a growl, and the large dog moved towards Fliss, turning his eyes on Frank. Fliss laid a hand on his head.

“Thor, shh…” she said softly, and he immediately stopped, but never once averted his gaze from Frank.

“Sorry, I…” Frank swallowed, concentrating on his breathing as he looked at her. “Why didn’t you just talk to me?” “I don’t know…I’m sorry.” she said, the tears pouring down her face “I just…”

“Have I ever given you reason to be scared of what I’d do or say or…” “No, of course not…” “So what the fuck makes you think I wouldn’t understand how upset and scared you were over this?”

“I don’t know.” she shrugged “I wasn’t thinking straight…” “You weren’t thinking at all…” Frank shook his head “I can’t believe you’ve been so goddamned stupid.”

“I’m sorry…” she looked at him, looking down “I know…I was an idiot and you’ve every right to be angry and hate me…” “I don’t hate you Liss.” he said softly “I fucking love you, more than I can even begin to explain.” At that she let out a loud sniff and wiped at her nose with her hand.

“And you know what the worst thing about all this is?” He spoke again and she looked at him, waiting for him to finish “Is that I know I’ll never be able to stop loving you.”

The words were out or his mouth before he could stop them. It was the truth, he couldn't ever see a point in his life where he would be able to switch those feelings off. Fliss' drew in a ragged breath and as he looked at her he saw something on her face which he recognised instantly, it was the same look she had worn when she told him she had found out John had been released, utter broken helplessness. She shook her head sadly and he could do nothing but watch, his own chest rising and falling deeply as she slid down to the floor, her knees buckling beneath her. Thor pushed his face into hers, gently nuzzling at her as she tangled her hands into his fur.

"I don’t deserve to be loved..." she said, shaking her head as her silent tears began to flow freely "not at that cost..."

Her words hit Frank like a tonne of bricks and he took a deep breath and shook his head.

“Don’t…” he stumbled over his words slightly as he took a step towards her “Don’t say that! Ever again you hear me?” he knelt in front of her as she hugged her knees tightly to her chest. Thor, eyeing Frank again moved back a little, clearly deciding the man posed no threat. Frank reached out and scratched his ear slightly before he gently placed his hands on Fliss’, prising them from around her knees gently, moving her arms so that her body opened up slightly to him “Fliss you are worthy of all the love in the world...why don’t you see it? Why are you pushing me away?” “I’m sorry… I’m… I…”

She fell into him, sobs wracking her small frame as she pressed her face into his chest, her hands moving from her knees, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt. "Hey...sshhh..." he hushed her, one hand on the back of her head as he cradled her to him "it's ok…” He sat with her on the tiled floor of the office, no longer even bothering to fight his own tears as he pressed his face into her hair and kissed the top of her head as he rocked her gently whilst she cried. Eventually her sobs began to die down into soft cries, her body finally stopped shaking as the cries then subsided into sniffles but still she clung to him as if her life depended on it, simply concentrating on calming herself, allowing his familiar touch and smell to wash over her, ground her. Frank made to pull back slightly, but the moment caused Fliss to panic slightly and she made a grab for him. "No, please...don't go...don't..." "I'm not going anywhere..." he said quietly as he cupped her cheeks with both his hands, turning her face up to look at him. "You're a fucking idiot you know that?" She have a soft, watery splutter of a laugh as she nodded in agreement, his thumbs gently wiping her tears away. "But you're my idiot." He looked at her. "I don't deserve you..." she shook her head, averting her eyes from his "Frankie, I don't..." "Stop it." He said sternly, his grip on her face became a little stronger "Liss, look at me..." She swallowed and turned her big brown eyes to meet his, the hurt and pain evident on her pretty face. "I love you." He repeated his earlier statement and she took another deep, shaking breath. "I love you too..." she said, fresh tears rolling out of her eyes "Well then..." He looked at her, raising his eyebrows questioningly "the question is do you think that's enough to put this behind us?" "Do you want to?" She asked him, her voice almost a whisper. "Of course I do." Frank sniffed and smiled at her "I never wanted you to leave in the first place sweetheart." "What about Mary? She hates me..." Fliss shook her head "and I don’t blame her..." "No, she doesn't. She’s angry and lashing out. She tells me she hates me all the time, remember?" Frank smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind Fliss' ear "You might get the silent treatment for a day or so but well, some might call that a pleasant break." Fliss gave a snort of laughter before she finally let go of his shirt, reaching up with both hands to wipe at her face. "I bet I look a right state." She shook her head, looking down at her hands as the fingers on her left hand began to anxiously play with the ones on her right. "No more than usual." He quipped. "I still think you're beautiful." "Charmer." She said, her mouth curling up at one side into a glimmer of a smile, eyes still cast downwards. Frank reached out and gently took her chin between his finger and thumb, tilting her head upwards. She looked at him for a moment before he leaned down and gently pressed a kiss to her lips. A soft, lingering one, that was loaded with meaning as his hand once more rest against her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch, her left hand coming up lay over his, her fingers sliding into the spaces between his own. He gently, pressed his forehead to hers, his own eyes closing as he slid his nose up against hers. "Take me home." she whispered to him and he could tell from her tone it was a question not a demand. He opened his eyes to see her looking at him with a hopeful expression that matched the tone of her voice "please." He smiled at her and nodded, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead before he pushed himself up off the floor and offered her his hand. She took it, allowing him to pull her up on the floor and lacing his fingers between hers, he gently led them both towards the door. Once outside he paused to let her lock it before he gently slid his arm round her shoulders and she leaned into him as they walked towards his truck, Thor happily trotting behind them.

[therainroguefanfiction]

🔥 ℝise Ⱥbove I̾t ◈ [Thanksgiving Special! 🦃]

📑 Table of Contents | ◂Backward

Word Count: 4,439

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

〈“Oh, oh, oh, it’s Thanksgiving, we’re gonna have a good time. With the turkey ey! and mashed potatoes ey!. We are gonna have a good time. It’s Thanksgiving~” Nicole Westbrook, “It’s Thanksgiving”〉

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

Oh look, the Author’s Note is at the top this time. I bet you’re thinking, ‘Well shit, this can’t be good!’ And you’d be right 😂 Okay so, I wanted to write a special for Thanksgiving right and I had these plans to make it this shit fest of just absolute crack and humor right. WELL if you know anything about me you know that I go back to angst by default. Like, you know how when you play online games, sometimes your settings just reset on their own and then you gotta go and turn off the music and turn the subtitles back on and why the fuck is PVP ticked on?? That’s basically me okay. I auto default back to angst unless I changed the settings again lmfao

So, I started this off, full fucking intent on being funny right. Yeah, no. Runaway while you fucking can. It got so fucking heavy in the middle and it’s just… I’m sorry bro. That’s all I can say. It might make you cry? I mean, I’m a sensitive lil bitch and I cried while I wrote it sooo~ But fear not! I gave it a cheerful, happy and somewhat enlightening/inspiring ending?? At least I think so anyway… Also, you don’t have to celebrate Thanksgiving to enjoy this! Oh yeah, and don’t @ me about facts, I literally used Wikipedia because I’m an uncultured fuck that knows nothing about Thanksgiving even though I live in the USA lmao Don’t fucking @ me about the song I chose either 😂 I ain’t adding that shit to the playlist tho.

So yeah! Read this shit, cry into your snuggie or your dog that looks like a mop and then go enjoy some turkey or hug your mum. Don’t forget to reblog this chapter because I’m a hoe for them reblogs ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

☔ Rain

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

The door to class 1-A slammed open with so much force, it bounced off the wall and came back, stopped only by a gloved hand. An obnoxiously loud voice filled the room, “Are you ready, kids?!”

“Aye aye, captain!” I jumped up, automatically answering only to curse myself a moment later when he smirked. “Bitch, this ain’t Spongebob!!”

He clicked his tongue and gave me double finger guns. “But you responded!”

I slumped into my seat in frustration.

Present Mic approached the board, picking up a piece of bright orange chalk before writing a word on the board in English: Thanksgiving. He slapped his palm under the word, making several pieces of chalk fall to the floor. “We’re going to be talking about the meaning of Thanksgiving in Western Countries, most notably in the United States!”

“Sir!” Iida’s hand shot into the air.

“Thanks for calling, listener! What is your request?!”

Iida stood tall. “With all due respect, sir, we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in Japan, we celebrate National Labor Day.”

“You’re correct… almost! Many people consider National Labor Day to be Japan’s Thanksgiving! Plus, I’m your English teacher, so why not take this time to talk about a wonderful holiday where you get to stuff your face with as much food as you can handle without being looked at like a weirdo?!”

“It doesn’t matter what you do,” I commented blankly. “People will always think you’re a weirdo, cockatiel.”

“Hey, aren’t you American, Winchester?” Kaminari questioned, tilting his head back to look at me.

I shrugged. “My mom was American, but I was born in Japan. I mean, Gramps taught me English and we had a small dinner every Thanksgiving to ‘celebrate my heritage’ or some shit, but I don’t really know the details about the holiday.”

“Which is what I’m here for!” He slapped the board again, giving up a grin. “Now pay close attention, listeners! In America, Thanksgiving occurs on the fourth Thursday of November every year! In Western Countries, this holiday is known to be the moment to thank the Native American people for helping European pilgrims to survive their first winter in the United States! Typically, this is a day when families come together from across the country to be with their loved ones and feast!”

I hummed. “Gramps used to always make me watch these American pageants where grade-schoolers put on plays reenacting the interaction between the Pilgrims and the Native Americans. I remember one year, this kid was dressed in a fucking black trash bag stuffed with newspaper.”

“Plays are very popular in schools all across the states!” He nodded his head. “Can anyone tell me what year that Thanksgiving became a federal holiday in the USA?” He cupped his ear, but the only thing he got in response was a cricket that had snuck into the room a week ago to avoid the approaching chill settling over Japan. That fucker is really good at hide-n-seek because we still can’t find him and he’s at the back of the room so it’s like he’s in my fucking ear. “That’s right, the year is 1863! Before that, it was celebrated off and on since 1789 but the third president, Thomas Jefferson, just wasn’t feeling the holiday so he put a stop to it!”

“Seems suspect,” I responded.

“Now, who can tell me about the First Thanksgiving?!”

Chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp.

My eye twitched and I turned in my seat, eyes scanning the back wall. Where the fuck is that goddamn cricket?! I swear to Deadpool I’m gonna roast that bitch when I finally fucking find it.

“Right again, my impressionable listeners! The First Thanksgiving was created by the Pilgrims after their first harvest in the New World in October 1621! The feast lasted a total of three days and, according to one attendee named Edward Winslow, there were one-hundred-forty-three rockin’ attendees – ninety Native Americans and fifty-three Pilgrims!” He continued to drone on about the history of Thanksgiving in the states, listing off several different dates and names I couldn’t be bothered to remember.

I mean, History is cool, I guess, but when am I ever gonna need to know this stuff to function as a member of today’s society? Especially here in Japan, where American norms aren’t focused on at all? Plus, that fucking cricket is all I can think about!

“By the way, there will be a test on this and if you fail, you get remedial lessons with me, your chart-topping host!!”

Oh, fuck me.

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

I stepped out into the chilly night, my breath coming in puffs of smoke as I walked. Aizawa didn’t like us to leave the dorms after dark, but there was no specific rule about it as long as we stayed on campus. It was two in the morning, and I had been tossing and turning in my bed since I got there. It hadn’t bothered me at first when Mic brought up Thanksgiving, but now that it was just a couple days away, I’m starting to get restless.

This would be my first Thanksgiving without Gramps…

I fell onto the icy cold stone bench, letting my head fall back to stare up at the navy sky. It looked like ribbons of velvet, bright stars dotting across it like sequins caught under the light. The moon was a perfect crescent.

“Jen?”

I glanced over, seeing Zuku with his arms wrapped tight around his body. Even with the thick sweater he wore, it was obvious he was cold. I patted the bench beside me and he sat down, letting me throw my arms around his body. I focused on my quirk, raising my body temperature to warm him up. “Why are you awake?”

“I got up to use the bathroom and spotted you out the window.” He frowned up at me, his brow furrowed. “You look so… sad. What’s wrong?”

My grip tightened around him and I smiled sadly. “I guess I am a bit sad… This is my first Thanksgiving without Gramps, so… it kinda hurts, you know?”

“Oh, I see… I’m sorry…”

“It’s fine. Just something you gotta deal with, ya know? It’s life, and life is full of unfairness.”

“Will you… tell me about it?” He asked softly, playing with his fingers in his lap. “About what the two of you did each year? If it’s not too painful, I mean…”

“I’d love to,” I ruffled his hair and closed my eyes. “Let’s see – Gramps thought it was important for us to celebrate Thanksgiving because my mother was American. ‘It’s part of who you are, kitten, so we must celebrate!’ is what he’d always tell me. He spent the first five years learning everything he could about the holiday because he wanted it to be authentic and at age five, he started hosting a small feast for the two of us each year.”

“It sounds like he loved you a lot.”

“Yeah… Yeah, he did. We were each other’s world, the only two people we had in life. It was just us against the world!” I chuckled, but it held no humor. “Gramps was a hell of a good chef. He always used to attribute that to the fact that he worked for near six years in a restaurant with his father before the man died and the place had to be sold. Cooking reminded him of a simpler time, so he took pride in everything he cooked. Now that I think about it… that was the first time I met Skye and Heather.”

“Friends of yours?”

“Nah, they made my life hell growing up.” I waved my hand. “I don’t think they remembered this, but I met them once when I was seven. They lived a couple blocks down from us and Gramps had met them on several of his midday walks. Skye was half-Japanese on her mother’s side, while her dad was American and Heather was full American but her family moved to Japan just a year or two previously. Since Gramps wanted to make Thanksgiving as authentic as possible, he went to them for advice. Sky’s father had asked his grandma back home to send a few of her recipes for the holiday and that’s when I met Skye for the first time. He stopped by on his way to work to drop them off and she was with him, but she took one look at me and turned her nose up.”

“You were bullied?” He asked softly, lowering his head. “I never would have thought that.”

“Yeah, but it didn’t start until I was twelve.” I chuckled. “Anyway, we didn’t have much money to work with, but he saved up with every paycheck for months in advance. Just small amounts from each check and then the week before Thanksgiving, he’d take the money he saved and go all out, buying a Turkey, potatoes, pumpkin pie, the works. Some of the shit he couldn’t even get in our town, he had to travel to specialty shops or order the ingredients online from overseas. I kept telling him it was too much work, but he was a stubborn old man.”

Izuku shifted in my arms, his head on my shoulder. “Tell me more about him,” his voice was soft and growing husky as sleep started to claim him.

I hummed softly. “He liked what the day symbolized – families coming together to be thankful for the people in their lives and for the things they were gifted with. To be honest, I often wondered as a child if he regretted raising me, but I knew that was wrong as I got older. It was almost like… raising me gave him a purpose, a reason to face every day with a smile. And I guess in a way… he was the same for me. I remember it so clearly, waking up at one in the morning on Thanksgiving day to sounds in the kitchen. I’d sneak down the hallway, careful of that stupid ass board on the right that always creaked when you stepped on it. And there he was, seeming to radiate warmth and happiness as he bustled around the kitchen getting all the dishes ready for that day.”

I smiled, my hands fisting around his jacket as I took a shaky breath. “He always wore that stupid ass apron I gave him on his birthday in fifth grade. It was this god awful snot yellow color with lime green stripes. If you stared at it too long, you’d go fucking cross-eyed. And it had this… hell, even to this day I don’t know what it was. I think it was a Rhino in a chef’s hat but I guess it coulda been a hippo? Or a fat giraffe with a short neck. He was convinced it was a Thanksgiving Zebra, but I still think he’s nuts. There’s no way that was a damn Zebra, and I would literally list the reasons why it couldn’t be, but he’d just listen intently with a bright smile, nodding his head to show that he was listening. And once I was done ranting, he’d pat my head and simply say, ‘Thanksgiving Zebras are quite special’. I swear he was batty.”

Zuku chuckled. “What makes a Zebra a Thanksgiving Zebra?”

“They have to be fat as fuck apparently. And orange. At least I think it was orange. It coulda just been a really dark yellow. I’m telling you, this apron was all kinds of wrong! I will never understand what I was thinking when I looked at that thing in the store and was like, ‘This is feckin’ awesome, he’s gonna love it!’. But he did love it, wore it every time he cooked, even on the rare occasions we had guests over. He wore it without shame and always with a smile.”

“Because it was from you, so it was special.”

“Hmm, probably, yeah.” I sighed deeply. “Come on, let’s get you to bed, you look like you’re about to pass out.”

“I wanted to hear more stories,” he pouted, but he was clearly having trouble holding his eyes open.

“I promise to tell you some more later, okay?” I stood up, putting my arms under his body and lifting him into my arms. He snuggled closer, mumbling something under his breath before sleep finally claimed him. I held him closer, feeling my eyes sting with tears, but I forced them back. I swore to myself that I wouldn’t cry, not until I’ve earned the right to do so.

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

“Hey, Jen, wait up!”

I paused in the hallway, glancing over my shoulder. Ryuu was dodging students as he headed toward me, smiling brightly. When he finally reached me, he threw his arms around my neck, pulling me into a hug. I chuckled, hugging him back. “Hello to you, too. What’s up?”

“Are you busy?” He questioned, pulling away.

“Uhh, I got a shit-ton of homework that I probably won’t do and might accidentally burn but that’s about it.” I grinned.

He huffed, putting his hand on his hip. “You better not! You’re not allowed to get kicked from the hero course because you refuse to do your work.”

“Yes, mother.”

He nudged my shoulder but I didn’t miss the way his lips twitched up. “What do you say we hang out at the library for a bit and work on it together?”

I hummed. “Why, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were trying to lure me away, Hiryuu Rin~”

“As if,” he teased, tugging on my hand. “Come on, let’s get to it!”

“But learning is so boring~”

“You won’t be a hero with that attitude~”

“Last time I checked, pros don’t have to go around dividing letters with numbers to defeat villains,” I grumbled, throwing my head back.

He hummed. “True, but what if you come across a math villain?”

“Punch him in the dick.”

He sweatdropped. “What if he has hostages and he’ll only release them if you solve his math problems?”

I looked at him blankly. “What are the actual chances of that fucking happening, Ryuu?”

He huffed, puffing out his cheeks. “It could happen!”

I poked his inflated cheek with a chuckle. “Anything is possible, I guess.”

Ryuu led me to the back of the library, settling down in the corner. The next few hours were spent taking turns on our homework assignments. I was able to help him with a couple subjects, while he had my back for some of the harder ones, like math. And then there was physics, which left us both fucking stumped.

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

The librarian peeked her head around a large bookshelf, her tired, dull eyes landing on us. “Library’s about to close. Time to leave.”

I glanced out the window and clicked my tongue. “Damn, we were here for a while. It’s dark out.”

He nodded, stuffing his books into his bag. “They say time flies when you’re having fun, but…”

“We weren’t having fun at all,” I pointed out and he shrugged, stifling a yawn.

“Can I come back to your dorm?”

“Ho~? I didn’t know you were so forward, Ryuu.” I wiggled my eyebrows at him and he rolled his eyes, rubbing his arms as we stepped out into the cold.

“I was thinking more along the lines of hot chocolate and a movie.”

“Well, that’s no fun.”

“Just what were you thinking…” he muttered under his breath before shaking his head at my grin. “Nevermind, I don’t want to know!”

The walk to 1-A’s dorm passed in comfortable silence, Ryuu practically glued to my side as he soaked up the warmth from my body. I wonder if his body reacts negatively to the cold because of his reptile-like quirk. I should ask him about that later.

We stepped inside and I immediately froze in the doorway, my eyes wide.

Ryuu took his shoes off, looking back at me curiously. “Jen? What’s wrong?”

“I, uh…” I swallowed hard, covering my mouth and closing my eyes. As soon as I stepped into the building, the smell of food had wafted to my nose, almost as if it were waiting at the door to tease me. It smells just like… like the house did every Thanksgiving morning. It’s the exact same smell.

A hand rested on my shoulder, Ryuu looking at me with worry. “Do you feel sick?”

“No, I just…” I took a breath, forcing a smile as I tried to ignore the smell. “Sorry, just remembered something.”

“Are you sure? You look pale…”

I chuckled, pushing past him. “I was born pale. You up for grabbing the hot chocolate and heading to my room for the movie? Not really in the mood for socializing.” I stepped into the kitchen and froze for the second time. What the fuck?

“If you’re not in the mood for socializing, that might be a problem, Winchester.” Kirishima grinned.

“You better fucking get in the mood, bitch!” Katsuki scowled, his face twisted up.

“Welcome home, Jen.” Izuku greeted, brightly.

“Huh, class A certainly loves going over the top for everything, don’t they?!” Monoma laughed, but it didn’t have its usual mocking undertone to it.

“I hope you don’t mind us joining you guys,” Kendo smiled, tilting her head.

My eyes scanned the faces of classes A and B, all stuffed into the kitchen around the table that had been covered in various dishes of food – turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole… Am I dreaming? I don’t… I can’t…

Ryuu embraced me, his hand finding my cheek. “You’re crying…”

“What? No, I -” I lifted my hand, wiping at my eyes. I am crying. I’m crying in front of both classes. They’re supposed to look at me and be reassured and feel safe, how can they do that if I’m crying my eyes out? Why am I even crying?

Momo and Ashido rushed over to me, pushing Ryuu away as they fussed over me, squishing me between them. “We’re sorry, we should have asked first!”

“Yeah, don’t cry, Jen!” Ashido squeezed me tighter.

“I don’t… know why I’m crying…” I sobbed, rubbing at my eyes furiously but the tears wouldn’t stop coming.

Izuku smiled sadly as he approached, pulling my hands away from my face. “All Might thinks you haven’t properly grieved for Gramps. That’s why I thought it would be a good idea to do this, to give you a chance to… to… properly grieve and to realize… to realize that you’re not alone!” His shoulders shook as his eyes filled with tears.

“Damn it, Deku! You’re supposed to make her feel better not start crying with her!!” Katsuki slammed his hand on the table, the silverware rattling.

“Can I… have a minute, please?” I asked softly.

The two girls exchanged a look before hesitantly pulling away. I bowed my head and stepped out of the kitchen, heading back out through the doorway. As soon as it clicked, I leaned back and slid down, my body shaking from the effort it took to hold back the rest of my tears.

‘Remember, kitten, life isn’t always easy. More often than not, you will face hardships and pain that will be so bad, you will begin to question why it has to be that way. However, just as happiness is often fleeting, so, too, is sadness. You may think that crying makes you a weak person, but I assure you it does not. Crying is a sign that you’ve been strong for too long, and there is no shame in it. Don’t be afraid to show your emotions, kitten. They are not your weakness, they are your strength.’

“Young Jen?”

“Toshi…” I sobbed, tears flowing down my cheeks as my body shook.

Warmth flooded me as I was brought into a strong chest, arms wrapped tight around me. A tired voice sighed from somewhere behind him, “I told you this was a bad idea.”

“Shouta…”

He kneeled beside us, his hand gently rubbing the top of my head. “Sorry, I should’ve stopped them.”

I shook my head. “No, I… I just…”

Toshi rubbed my back comfortingly. “When young Midoriya came to me and told me about his conversation with you the other night, I saw this as a teaching moment. He wanted to get together with the rest of your class, as well as class B, to have a Thanksgiving dinner in honor of your Gramps. I knew this would be hard for you, but I was sure that it was the right thing to do. You accepted the fact that he was gone, but you never grieved for him, did you?”

I shook my head, clutching his sweater between my fingers.

“When we lose someone we love, closure is important for us to heal and move forward. And… I worry that you might feel alone in this new world, but you have impacted those around you, even those from class B. They were more than happy to help out when young Midoriya explained things to them.” Toshi pushed me backward, grasping me by the shoulders and giving me his signature smile. “You are surrounded by people who love you, my dear Jen. Never forget that.”

And I smiled back, even with the tears still falling from my eyes.

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

When I returned to the kitchen twenty minutes later, several worried eyes snapped to me, no doubt noticing my red and swollen eyes, but I smiled brightly at them to ease their worries, stepping aside to let the two teachers inside.

“Hey, All Might made it!” Kaminari cheered.

“And Aizawa-sensei, too!” Kishima grinned.

“Does that mean we can eat now? I’m fucking starving,” Katsuki complained, his arm thrown over the back of the chair as he glared at the ceiling.

“Yes, let’s dig in!” Momo clapped her hands excitedly and the room sprung to life, everyone squeezing into the chairs around the table. Not everyone could fit, of course, and they ended up sitting off to the side or on the counters. All Might himself took up two and a half seats as he sat at the head of the table, laughing and chatting with the students as he told them stories from his youth.

I sat at the opposite end, between Shouta and Izuku, both of whom kept glancing at me with worry, though the greenette wasn’t trying to hide it like our teacher was. I chuckled, taking each of their hands with my own. “Thank you for this. It really means a lot to me.”

“Of course!” Izuku squeezed my hand, giving me a bright smile. Aizawa didn’t say anything, but he squeezed my other hand.

“You Sparky fuck, that turkey leg was mine!!”

“Huh? I don’t see your name on it, Bakugo.”

“Do you wanna die?!”

“Ahahaha! What deplorable manners class A has! Pathetic!”

“Be quiet, Monoma!”

“So many beautiful girls packed into one room, I just wanna touch them…”

“You’re disgusting!”

“Can you pass the cranberry sauce? Ribbit.”

“Here you go, frog girl!!”

“You’re too loud, Tetsu!”

“Hey, All Might, what was your favorite thing about America when you lived there?”

“That’s easy, young Kaibara! I loved seeing the -”

“Hey, you guys started without us!!” The room turned their attention to the doorway where Midnight, Gran and Present Mic stood. Midnight, who had spoken, huffed in annoyance. “There better be a turkey leg left!”

“Itps mjinre!” Katsuki mumbled around the turkey leg that he had stolen from Kaminari.

“You little brat, give it here!” She demanded, nearly jumping across the table to tackle him. His eyes grew wide and he took off, yelling obscenities at her as she chased him around the kitchen.

Gran approached me, putting her hand on my shoulder and smiling kindly. “Happy Thanksgiving, deary.”

I looked around the room, watching the chaos that was ensuing around me. And I smiled, my heart full of happiness and warmth. Things haven’t been easy, and I’m sure the road ahead of me is far from clear, but I’m surrounded by people that care about me, that I care about. Gramps… wherever you are right now, I want you to know that I’m okay. You don’t have to worry about me. These idiots may not be entirely sane and they may drive me up a wall sometimes but… they are home. My home.

“Hey, hey!” Mic raised his voice, making the glasses rattle. “Let’s go around and say what we’re thankful for! Start us off, Uraraka!”

She pulled a surprised face at suddenly being called before tilting her head and smiling. “I’m thankful that we can all be here together!”

“Excellent! Iida, you next!”

“I’m thankful to be with friends during this time of giving thanks!”

“That’s the same as what Uraraka just said but good job! Let’s keep this train a-rollin’, folks!”

“I’m thankful for music.”

“Boobs. Definitely boobs.”

“I’m thankful Bakugo didn’t kill me for that turkey leg…”

“I’m thankful that everyone here is so manly!”

“I’m thankful I’m not sitting next to Mineta…”

“Anime and manga, definitely.”

“I’d be thankful if this bitch would stop chasing me!!”

“And I’d be thankful if you’d give me that turkey leg you brat!”

“I’m thankful that all of you dears are healthy~”

“Hah, I’ll be thankful when class A finally goes down!”

“I’ll be thankful when I don’t have to babysit Monoma anymore…”

“I’m thankful I got to meet Kirishima!!”

“I’m thankful that I sparkle so beautifully. I am magnifi -”

“I’m thankful for this awesome food!”

“What about you, Jen?” Izuku asked, curiously.

“Me?” I hummed as several people looked at me expectantly. I grinned brightly. “Ain’t it obvious? I’m thankful for tacos!”

Zuku sweatdropped. “I shoulda guessed…”

“Well, you stick to your guns, at least, young Jen!”

“Speaking of,” I looked Zuku dead in the eye, my expression deadly serious. “Where the fuck are my tacos, bro?”

His body tensed and he swallowed hard. “Um, I… I didn’t see any mention of tacos when I was researching Thanksgiving…”

I clicked my tongue. “That’s fucking shameful, Zuku. No holiday is complete without tacos.”

“I-I’m sorry!”

I grinned, ruffling his messy hair. “Make sure you don’t forget next year, ‘kay?”

His face lit up and he nodded. “Of course!”

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

「“Give thanks for a little, and you will find a lot.” – Hausa Proverb」

「“People cry, not because they’re weak. It’s because they’ve been strong for too long.” – Johnny Depp」

「“Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.” – William Shakespeare」

「“Love doesn’t make the world go ’round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” – Franklin P. Jones」

「“We fall, we break, we fail. But then, we rise. We heal. We overcome.” – Unknown」

[pug gif]

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

▸ Forward

📜 Read more by checking out my masterlist 📜

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #298

“i don’t like what i am becoming  /  wish i could just feel something”

Do you have sensitive skin? Very. Do you wear necklaces or earrings more? Just my tragus piercing, really. I only ever wear a necklace sometimes if I'm taking a "nice" picture. Rings or bracelets? I currently don't wear any bracelets, but I do always have one ring on. How many toilets are in your house? Two. Is your current crush younger than you? By just a couple years. Are you a lighter complexion than your father? Yes; he's very tan, especially his arms from being a mailman. Ranch or barbeque sunflower seeds? I don't like sunflower seeds. Do you know the first five books of the Bible in order? No. Do you have a pet fish? Nah, they're not my thing. Do you believe being gay is a choice or a "disorder"? Neither; I believe it's a genetic mutation. It defies biology and the very motive for life, but I always say that a mutation does not, in any way, equate to "wrong." I am extremely adamantly pro-gay rights and bisexual myself, so I can't shit-talk it. What are some of your favourite sounds? Crunching leaves, rain gently tapping on windows, windchimes, birdsong... mainly nature sounds. There are others, I'm just blanking right now. Are you a warm weather or cold weather person? Cold, 100%. What time do you wake up? What for? This spans over a massive gap, honestly... I can wake up as early as 5 or as late as 9:30. Most often, it's pretty early, and I call that my "trial" of being awake, lol... because I will almost without fail go back to sleep for a couple more hours. Hell, that happens even if I sleep on the later side. Do you ever listen to music to fall asleep to? I used to do that in middle and maybe some of high school, I think; I'd fall asleep with my iPod on and earbuds in. I haven't done that in a very long time, though. Could you spend the rest of your life with someone who had bad taste in music? ... Yes? Their taste in music has nothing to do with them as a person???? Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for? No, and it's best I don't. Have you ever wanted to get drunk and get your mind off everything? Yes, and that's how I found out I'm far from a lightweight. I wasn't going to drink more than I actually wanted to drink just to get wasted. Did you love playing hide and seek as a kid? Yeah. Who is the last child you held? My youngest niece. Have you ever woken up not knowing where you were? Maybe for a few moments after my surgery? I don't really recall. When is the last time you made the wrong choice in anything? Every fucking day when I decide what to do with my time. What is the most interesting thing in the room you are in? My snake, I guess. She's a champagne morph ball python. When washing your hands, do you wet your hands or put soap on first? I put on soap first. When was the hardest you ever cried? What was the circumstance? Probably when Mom literally dragged me home after I tried to walk to Jason's to talk the night of the breakup. I lost my fucking mind. Which gift cards do you have in your wallet? I don't think I have any. Coke or Pepsi? Coke. I hate Pepsi. What is better: cute smile, or amazing eyes? A cute smile. What song are you listening to? "Drilled a Wire Through My Cheek" by Blue October is on currently. Name your best friend(s): Sara. Do you know any mechanical stuff about cars? Nope. Last night you felt? I wasn't suicidal, but still kinda wanted to die lmao. Do you still watch Disney channel? No. How do you like your eggs? I only enjoy them scrambled, and preferably with cheese. What’s your all-time favorite song? "False Flags" by Massive Attack. If you could be any TV character, who would you be and why? Idk, I don't watch TV enough. Maybe Donna from That '70s Show. Very strong and independent, outspoken, and not to mention she has great taste. I find her to be a good female character to look up to. Do you ever come up with really good ideas for stories or movies? Do you do anything with them? Yeah; I'll try to integrate them into RP characters and plots. What sort of things do you post on your Tumblr? Vintage photos, screen caps, girly things? It's a Markiplier cesspit lmao. Sometimes I'll reblog shit I find funny. I've been very inactive on it, though. Have you ever had a dream that you couldn’t shake, even for days after you woke up? Oh yes. When was the last time you felt like a nuisance, or unwanted? Recently, I'm sure. When was the last time your dreams were crushed, or at least hindered? I dunno. How’s school going? I'm not in school. Are you angry at anyone right now? Myself. The last person to say they loved you? Mom. When is the last time you laughed hard? Hard? I'm really not sure. Are there any words on your shirt? No, it's just a blank black tank. Does it take a lot to make you cry? NOPE. Do you tell your parents everything? No. Do you get bored easily? I'm bored to the point of thinking being dead would be more fun at some point almost every day. I have anhedonia badly. I'm honestly starting to think I've over-medicated to a numbing degree so am trying to wean off some things. Have you ever burned someone's picture? No. How long was your last nap? Maybe three hours? I was really, really tired, though. Can you name the last time you felt happy? Probably when Sara and I talk-talked for the first time in a while. When was the last time you played with sidewalk chalk? Oh, I have zero clue. Probably not since I was a kid. Do you have friends obsessed with World of Warcraft? Bro wtf don't @ me. Have you ever punched a hole in the wall? No. Have you ever told someone you hated them? The only time I've seriously said that was to my dad before we reconciled after the divorce. What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to? I actually don't remember... Favorite thing to do on Facebook? See The Memes. Do you wear flip flops, regardless of weather, all the time? I SAID don't @ me. What is in store for your future? I both do and don't want to know. Have you ever seen a live bat? Yeah. I adore bats. Do you chew on straws? No. Do you have any trophies? Yeah. Who’s the last person that creeped you out? Some guy who walked into the store I was at with Mom, continuously looking back and forth. Would you believe an ex if she/he said they love you? Well, that would depend on the person. Have you ever been kissed in the rain? Yeah. Anything exciting happening soon? My half-sister and her kids are visiting tomorrow and staying for a few days. It's a surprise for Mom. Do you keep a diary or journal (offline or online)? You could say these surveys kinda are. I don't have a designated "diary," though. When was the last time you took a painkiller? What was it for and did it work? I had womanly issues a few days back, and yeah, it helped. Have you ever had to go and rescue someone because their car broke down? When was the last time that happened? I mean, I've driven /with/ Mom to do so. I myself don't drive. What’s one sweet/candy you miss from your childhood? Is this item something you can still buy or has it been discontinued? Y'all remember Baby Bottle Pops??? 'Cuz I do, and I love those fuckin things. I still see them sometimes in gas stations. When was the last time you used some kind of moisturiser? A few days back for my hands. They were painfully dry. If you’re under lockdown/stay at home orders at the moment, are you struggling or managing okay? A bitch is s t r u g g l i n g. Has anything positive come out of the pandemic for you? Fuck no. Do you wear a watch? Is it analogue/digital? Does it it have things like a step-counter in it? No. Do you have any gifts from Christmas that you still haven’t opened or used? Not used, yes. Well, then some things are still in their boxes, but they're unwrapped. Do you know how to tie a tie? If so, who taught you? No. Who was your last missed call from? Did you ring that person back? Some number I didn't recognize, so no. When was the last time you had some kind of problem with your internet connection? Is this something that happens often? A few days back. It has occasional instances where it'll go out but come back on shortly. Do you have a favourite celebrity chef? No. Do you prefer pizza or pasta? Pizza. Have you ever volunteered anywhere before? What was the reason behind doing so? Once at PetSmart when they had dogs to adopt out, which was for school volunteer hours. I spent time with them, giving them attention and taking them outside. I also had two other animal-related volunteer days, but each was only a few hours because my fucking weak-ass body couldn't handle them. Have you ever been truly obsessed with something? What was it and how did you come to feel that way? I have an incredibly obsessive personality; I could probably name near on a dozen or so things I've been genuinely obsessed with. I don't know what it means to love in moderation. Some are/were pleasant obsessions, some aren't/weren't. Does it bother you when people turn up at your house without asking or waiting to be invited? Yes. Are you taller or shorter than average height? I'm the average for an American woman. Do you have any family members whose beliefs or ways of life completely embarrass you? YUP YUP YUP YUP. Are you scared of heights? Yes. When was the last time you lost something of great sentimental value? Did you ever end up finding it again? I don't know. Have you ever injured anyone in self-defense? No. What food do you find to be the most filling? Is this something you eat a lot of? In relation to its portion sizes, oatmeal or eggs. I can't have a whole lot of either. I wouldn't say I eat either a lot, but oatmeal is more common. Have you ever heard people talking badly about you behind your back? Did you confront them about it? Yes, and in at least two instances. Do you consider “home” to be the place you were born, or is it somewhere you create for yourself? I consider it to be my childhood home; not the one I was actually born in, but only because I was way too young to remember and we only lived there like, maybe two years into my life. Have you ever experienced having to leave your home due to a fire, or due to the threat of fire? No, thankfully. When was the last time you felt you were in a dangerous situation? When we had a serious tornado warning Christmas Eve. Yes. In winter. Are there any superstitions that you believe in? Which ones and what are your reasons for doing so? No. Are there any series of books/films that you never finished - either because you got bored of waiting or just lost interest? Oh, I'm sure. I Wouldn't say I lost interest in a lot though, I just wasn't interested enough, like for The Hunger Games. Which theme park is your favorite? I haven't been to nearly enough to know. Like, just one. Do you eat healthy? I try to be, at least. Though I've been doing very poorly about it lately because I'm a emotional goddamn eater and am having a very hard time. Do/did your parents fight often? They're divorced for a reason. Do YOU fight with them often? No. Would you say that you're respectful? I hope so. Are you a fan of Green Day? Yeah, I love them. Would you rather have 4 kids at one time or never have a kid? Jesus Christ, never. I don't want any anyway. Do you think 'friends with benefits' relationships really ever work? No. Do you or have you ever known a drug addict? Yes. Do you turn off the water while brushing your teeth or leave it on? I always turn it off. No reason to waste it. Do you have any nieces or nephews? Lots, if you include my half-siblings. Are caterpillars more cute or disgusting? I tend to find them cute. What's your homepage when you bring up the internet? Google. Was the last book you read for fun or was it for some type of assignment? It was for fun. Have you ever dated someone you met online? Yes. Would you go on a date with someone right now if they asked? Depends on who's asking. Do you own any band tees? Oh, I have lots. Off the top of my head, some that I frequently wear are Metallica, Otep, and Korn. Do you know someone who wears a wig? No. Have you ever kissed someone under fireworks? I don't think so. What kind of dressing do you eat on your salad, if any? I strongly prefer the Olive Garden kind, but I also enjoy ranch. What genre of music do you listen to the most? Metal of some sort. Have you ever dated someone who was way overprotective of you? No. Do you personally know any cops? No. How many different colleges have you gone to? Three. How much stress can you handle? Not much at all. How confident are you in achieving your dreams? I ain't got the slightest clue by this point in my life. What is one thing you thought you’d never do but have done or are doing? There's a lot of things, most bad, some good. Do you have to take medication for any mental illness? A lot. Do you like looking at pictures? It depends on what's in them. Specifically pictures from my past, that's usually a big no. Do you believe the dead can have connections with the living? I guess in very vague ways. Which family member do you get along with the most? Well, define "get along with." I by far have the strongest relationship with my mom, but we fight sometimes. As for who I stay on the most stable ground with, that's probably my dad. Would you ever be able to become a vegan? I know I couldn't, but I'd love to. How did you meet your newest friend? Who even IS my newest friend... Have you ever watched the show Teen Mom? What did you think about it? No, and I think it's an awful fucking idea for a television show. Put a spotlight on and money into teen pregnancy, yeah, that's a genius plan. Are you old enough to remember MySpace? Yeah. Do you think you’ll be a good mother/father? I wouldn't be. Do you have trouble deleting your text messages? I don't need to. Is there something that you haven’t told anyone that you actually would like to tell someone? No. Have you ever been called a tease? Yeah. Do people ever make fun of your religion or lack thereof? No. Do you say/do things a lot for shock effect? No? What was the last compliment you gave a guy? I probably told my nephew Ryder he was a good brother. Was one of your grandpas in a war? Maybe? Idk. I never knew either well at all. Have you screamed in a pillow before? Yes. What do you like more, acoustic or electric? Electric. Have you ever ordered something off a commercial on television? No. What's worse, having someone mad or disappointed in you? Disappointed. Do you still consider Pluto a planet? Yes. Didn't they reinstate it as one, anyway? Right now, are you at a high, leveled, or low point? What's lower than "low?"

[eldritchsurveys]

812.

If you ever had a Myspace, do you actually remember it fizzling out or did it just seem like it was popular one day and not the next? >> I’m not sure if I experienced that, or if I had already moved on by the time MySpace started flagging. I probably wouldn’t have really noticed back then, anyway. I didn’t notice a lot of things.

Do you like a lot of the artists that are proclaimed as the "tough chicks" of music (Pink, Avril Lavigne, Pat Benatar, etc)? >> I wasn’t aware of that appellation. I don’t really listen to a lot of female singers, anyway. That’s just how it is, I don’t think I do it on purpose or anything.

Do you ever dismiss the possibility of liking a song strictly because of the genre? For instance, have you ever had a conversation like this: "Hey, you should listen to this song." "What kind of song is it?" "It is a rap song." "No thanks." >> Yeah, I did a fair bit of that when I was younger. But over time I was given plenty of reason to stop being like that and take things at face value instead of avoiding things just because of where it’s filed in a music shop. The fact of the matter is, there isn’t a single genre on the face of this earth that I couldn’t like at least one song from, and it’d be silly to restrict myself.

Could/Would you ever be a polygamist? Why or why not? >> I mean, polygamy is illegal, innit? If you mean polyamorous, then yeah, that’s essentially the best shorthand for how I experience relationships.

How often do you feel pressured to be better than or different than you are? For example, how often do you feel pressured to be skinner, tanner, prettier, etc? Keep in mind that pressure doesn't always have to come from others; In fact, we can put a lot of pressure on ourselves. >> The pressure to be skinnier and more universally attractive is so pervasive and embedded in modern American society that even I can’t avoid it, as much as I fucking hate it (and as uninterested as I personally am in being “attractive” to random fucking people). It’s a conscious everyday effort to try and combat that sort of conditioning, and sometimes I’m just too damn tired to fight it. But I do my best, you know.

Do you have acne-prone skin? If so, what products do you use to control it? >> Nope. I had pretty bad teenage acne and then it instantly cleared up when I hit adulthood. *snaps fingers* Like magic.

When you want something that isn't necessarily healthy for you, do you typically go for something sweet like ice cream, something salty like potato chips, or something else? >> My indulgences are things like booze, not necessarily snacks. I legitimately do not like most snack foods and sweets, so that’s never been a problem. But I can rarely say no to a good glass of wine or a cocktail or a sour ale...

Would you rather it snow for three days or rain for a week? >> Well, it snowing suggests that it’s winter, and I don’t like winter. So I’d rather take the rain, I guess.

Do you visit/use the shopping website/app called Wanelo? If you do or if you would like to participate anyway, show us one product from Wanelo.com that you wouldn't mind having. >> I’ve never heard of this and considering how old this survey is, it probably doesn’t even exist anymore.

On average, do you have makeup on more than you have it off or vice versa? >> Vice versa. The last time I wore makeup was to my wedding, which was in October. The last time I wore it before that? Good fucking question...

Do people that are sarcastic often seem to "rub you the wrong way" or can you usually appreciate sarcasm? >> It depends on level of usage, and how appropriate the usage is. Some people use it to hilarious effect, and I love that. Some people are just snarky for the sake of being abrasive, and in that case I’m definitely going to stop talking to you.

What is one thing that really, really bothers you? It can be anything! >> Being touched.

Have you ever changed the look of a survey because you didn't like the way it was presented? This can even include adding or deleting numbers to the questions. >> Not that I can remember.

Ke$ha has a new show coming out on MTV. What do you think of her? >> Did that really happen? I don’t remember. I don’t have an opinion on Ke$ha either way, I know nothing about her and I’m not even sure I’ve heard any of her music.

Vinnie from Jersey Shore has a show coming out too. Will you be watching it? >> Did that really happen? Man. Anyway, I’m even less interested in him than I am in Ke$ha.

Be honest, have you ever blown off a friend for another friend or a boyfriend? >> No.

Can you actually fathom why some people are against homosexual marriage? If you are against this, feel free to explain. >> Yeah, I can fathom it. Bigotry is weird and destructive and repellant to me, but not exactly unfathomable.

Does it bother you when surveys ask questions that Google could answer? >> I wouldn’t say it bothers me. I just don’t see the point, and I usually skip those questions.

When is the last time you had a cell phone that wasn't a smartphone, if ever? >> Oof. Uh... I want to say... probably... 2008 or so? I couldn’t afford a phone for a long time, and by the time I could, smartphones had pretty much taken over the whole market (to the point where you could get cheap smartphones).

If you have a car, how "fancy" is it? For example, does it have a satellite radio, sunroof, etc? >> I don’t have a car, personally, but Sparrow’s car is from the early aughts and that shit is so outdated, lmao. Whenever she borrows her mother’s car (a Buick from within the last couple of years), it’s like riding in the lap of luxury.

[antiquecompass]

Dream Part II:

Jingyi had been dreaming of this moment for years. A lifetime of John Hughes movies and sneaking Auntie Molly’s romance novels and the general internet had given him ideas. He had a plan. He’d made a date. It would be perfect.

Well, in his dreams it would be perfect. In his nightmares Sizhui laughed in his face, asked how could he ever think Sizhui would date him, and didn’t he realize Sizhui needed someone of equal grace, social standing, intelligence, etc. etc.

Still those weren’t as bad as the nightmares where Sizhui gave him that kind, understanding smile, and patted his shoulder and said. “Oh, Jingyi, I’m so sorry. I’m already seeing someone. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

Those nightmares were the absolute worst. And it was even worse that part of Jingyi thought it might be true because Sizhui had been weird for awhile now, especially at the start of the school year, and he’d been spending so much extra time with Zizhen.

Not that Zizhen wasn’t a perfectly fine romantic prospect. With his perfect hair. And his huge fortune. And his ability to understand advanced mathematical concepts. And his further ability to quote various love poems of Rumi. In Persian. 

But, he was like a puppy. A cute, excitable, loyal, obedient golden retriever of a person and Jingyi just couldn’t imagine Sizhui being truly happy with a golden retriever. 

So Jingyi had a plan. He had a set date. He was going to do this because all Sizhui could do was turn him down. And sure, yeah, that’d hurt like hell and Jingyi would have to do everything not to just, like, cry on Sizhui right then and there but…

But he couldn’t keep going on like this, it wasn’t fair to either of them, and sooner or later in some misplaced jealousy Jingyi <i>was</i> going to say something cutting and mean to Zizhen and Zizhen was his friend too and definitely didn’t deserve that.

So, plan. 

October 21st.

Life-changing.

*******

Why didn’t he check the weather report?

“Are you sure you want me to drop you off here?” Auntie Molly asked as they sat in her baby blue Cadillac Coupe de Ville.

They were at the very end of the Lan-Wei’s long and winding driveway. It was a five minute walk from the entrance to the house. Jingyi had timed it more than once.

“I want it to be a surprise, so yeah,” Jingyi said as he opened the door.

“It looks like rain,” Auntie Molly said. “You should take an umbrella.”

“I’ll be fine,” Jingyi promised, even as thunder started to roll overhead.

“Well, if you say so.” She patted his cheek. “Go get your man, Jingyi.”

He gave her a salute and started the long walk. He’d cut into the yard when he got closer to the house, but for now he took the time to prepare himself. He had decided to go the Say Anything route. In Your Eyes was cued up on his phone. He almost wished he had found a boombox, or at the very least remembered a portable speaker, but this would have to do. 

The rain started just as he made it to the oak tree near Sizhui’s bedroom window. He was lucky though, the window was open.

Of course as soon as he thought that, the window shut.

Jingyi ran back over to the driveway, grabbed a handful of loose white stones from one of the planters, and started to throw them at Sizhui’s window. 

Nothing.

Nothing.

The rain was starting to come down in sheets, the wind picking up, and Jingyi’s plans were going to shit.

He tried again.

Nothing.

He finally gave up and called Sizhui. The call dropped. He texted him then, his patience wearing thin. He started playing the song as he saw movement come from Sizhui’s window.

**********

Of all the reactions Jingyi had anticipated being called an utter fucking asshole wasn’t on the list, but hey, he got a date out of it.

He also now had warm, dry clothes, and a mug of hot chocolate, and a truly livid Sizhui curled into his side as he ripped into his fathers for a) betting on his personal life. Again. b) damn well knowing Jingyi had feelings for him and not cluing Sizhui in when he’d gone to them for advice on asking Jingyi out and c) knowing this day was coming.

Jingyi wanted to point out that he’d only spoken to Cousin Zhan about his feelings and that was only a couple of weeks ago, but Sizhui was on the type of indigiant and dramatic roll that showed he was very much the child of both of his fathers. It also made his eyes light up in the way Jingyi always loved, so he was keeping his mouth shut.

Besides, he’d already been called a dumbass and an asshole by the actual love his life today, so he wasn’t going to provide any more ammunition. 

Jingyi grinned into his mug as Sizhui used their clasped hands to further make some point about how their lives were not for his Dad’s latest version of Sweet Valley High which made Mr. Lan-Wei gasp and Cousin Zhan finally burst out into laughter.

“My new series is not like Sweet Valley High!” Mr. Lan-Wei protested. “Sizhui, you take that back right now or no second dessert on movie night.”

“You’ve raised me not to lie,” Sizhui shot back. 

Mr. Lan-Wei turned to his husband. “Do you see the ungrateful child we have raised.”

“It is a fair criticism,” Cousin Zhan said. “If a bit harsh.”

“How does he even know what Sweet Valley High is?”

“Auntie Molly has the entire series,” Jingyi said. “There’s only so much to do in her house, so I’ve read them all.”

Mr. Lan-Wei narrowed his eyes. “So it’s you that’s the bad influence.”

Jingyi knew he was joking, but he couldn’t help himself when he said, “Wow, do you sound exactly like Great-Uncle Lan right now.”

Silence took over the room for a good minute before Mr. Lan-Wei’s absolutely horrified gasp was quickly drowned out by his husband laughing so hard actual tears were coming out of his eyes and Sizhui was desperately holding his free hand over his own mouth to keep his own laughter in.

“That’s it,” Mr. Lan-Wei said as he stood, kitchen chair sliding back. “I’m going to go wander the moors now wondering what happened to my reputation. And my youth.”

“You know what they say about ‘Over the Hill,’ Sir,” Jingyi helpfully provided. 

“Sizhui, you’re no longer allowed to date Jingyi,” Mr. Lan-Wei said, nose in the air. “I revoke my acceptance.”

“Sorry, Dad, I already promised. And Lans know that a promise made is a promise kept.”

“Lan Clan Rule Number Forty-Five,” Jingyi said.

“I need a new family,” Mr. Lan-Wei said.

Cousin Zhan finally wiped his eyes and pulled his husband into his lap. “You’ll keep this one and we’ll make you more hot chocolate.”

“And some cookies.”

“And some cookies,” Cousin Zhan agreed. 

[current-mcr-news]

Casual Interactions #7: Full Transcription

John: Alright, cool.

Frank: Alright, we're on. So, Bohemian Rhapsody to me, I understand why people liked it. You know what I mean? Like, it felt a bit TV movie.

J: It looked TV movie.

F: It felt like Movie of the Week to me.

Shaun: Well, it also felt like, those movies, there's not really a story there. It's like a biography. It's like, here's the career of this band but there's not really a story per se.

F: Right, well, it felt very dramatized. Like you needed a hero, you needed, you know, all these characters that make a movie or a TV show work.

S: Here's the thing. When he told his band he had AIDS, it didn't fucking matter. Like, no one cared. There was no emotion there, you know what I mean?

F: You mean in the movie?

S: In the movie, right. Like, there was nothing up to that point, I feel like the guy who portrayed Freddie Mercury, had zero emotion. And when it got to that point, it was like, "Okay, you have AIDS. Alright." Like, where it should have been... more-

F: That seems like it would be like a- yeah. Like a fucking bomb being dropped, yeah.

S: Of course! Like, I don't know. I just wasn't a fan. I mean, I am a fan of Freddie Mercury and Queen, but I feel like this movie didn't-

F: But now you're not.

S: But now I hate them. Now I hate them all.

F: Alright, here's what I enjoyed. Was that, and I felt like up until the end, I was kinda like, "Eh, I don't know. This seems a little too hokey to me. This seems a little too like, you know, Lifetime."

J: It really did look like a Lifetime movie, and I think that Bryan Singer makes movies that look like Lifetime movies. That's his move.

F: Yeah?

J: Even the X-Men movies, it looked like it could've been made for Lifetime drama.

F: Yeah, like TLC and My Strange Addiction to mutations. X-Men, yeah.

J: Little on the nose, but yeah, I totally see where you're coming from with that.

F: Well, here's what I liked about it, was the ending. They showed like, basically a whole concert.

S: Live Aid, right.

F: Yeah. Like-

S: Yeah.

F: And I don't feel like you ever get that in a movie, you know what I mean? It's like-

J: Oh, so they Purple Rained it?

F: Yeah, yeah!

S: They did the whole thing!

F: Yeah, like you know, five or six songs of them, you know, miming this performance.

S: If you watch the bonus features on that, they did the entire twenty some odd minute performance, of the whole thing.

F: Oh really?

S: Of their whole set.

F: That's crazy!

S: It's crazy.

F: You know? And I felt like it felt triumphant.

S: It is, but that's not a movie. That's not what you- I want out of a movie.

F: Yeah.

S: It was cool, but-

F: Well I liked that because that's like, my thing, you know what I mean?

S: Because you play music.

F: Right. Yeah.

S: Sometimes I forget that. And I just think, "Oh, it's Frank in a fucking camouflage shirt."

F: But think about this, right?

J: What do you think his day job is, Shaun? Like, what do you think?

S: I don't really think about that.

F: I don't know either, to be honest. But alright, think about this. Like, say you went to the- say Freddie Mercury was a comic author.

S: Right.

F: And the ending of the movie was just him writing these fucking pages.

S: That'd be so fucking boring.

F: But that's like, that normally happens, you know what I mean?

S: No, I get it! I totally get it.

F: You know like, they play a show and the curtain opens, and then the movie ends.

S: Right.

F: They don't go through twenty minutes of them actually performing it.

S: Right.

F: Because it's never- it's like-

J: Well yeah, because the reality of being a recording artist or a touring band is it's a lot of hurry up and wait. There's so much boring shit that happens!

F: Exactly.

S: Yeah.

J: Like, thank god for the internet now, because touring back when Live Aid was happening, they had to be like, "Okay, cool. We have these- Maybe you have a VCR or a Betamax on the tour bus, we're gonna watch some Richard Pryor comedies or something."

F: Yeah, that happens a lot. It's true.

J: So welcome to the Casual Interactions podcast. This is an episode where we're gonna actually answer some of your questions. A little while ago on Twitter, I put out a call for questions, and boy, you didn't let me down. So there are a ton of questions. We're gonna get to them all on this episode, obviously. However, we're gonna answer as many as we can, so thank you for emailing me. And spoilers, it's not Frank you're emailing, it's me! It's Hambone!

S: "Dear Frank."

J: Yeah, it was a lot of "Dear Frank."

F: Oh really? No, you're getting somebody with way better hair.

J: Well thank you.

F: Reading those emails.

J: That's so nice of you to notice. It's funny because a lot of the questions that came were like, "This is for Frank," so if you're not Frank-

F: Oh, specific? Pacifically?

J: "Read it to Frank."

F: Oh! Yeah, it's secret.

S: Read it to Frank.

F: Secret Frank emails.

J: Alright, so first off, we had a gal named Beatrice who-

F: There's no way.

J: No, swear to god, I'm reading it right now.

F: Really?!

J: And it's funny because this came in in October because someone was clever enough. Beatrice, back in October, to go, "Oh wow, what if I just emailed this address for the podcast, if they're actually gonna get it?" Well Beatrice, we got your email.

F: Our first email!

S: That's my mom's middle name.

J: Is it your mom's middle name?

F: No!

S: Yeah.

F: Is that her?

J: Is it?

S: I don't think it's her.

J: Alright.

F: You don't think she emailed us?

S: I don't think she would know how to.

J: Well, if she didn't-

F: Do I sound really far away, by the way?

J: No, you sound good.

F: You sure? Oh, okay.

J: Yeah.

F: I feel like I sound really far away.

S: You don't look that far away.

F: Yeah. I keep trying to dodge the mic because I can't see anyone.

S: I'm gonna go like this.

J: Well, because you're on the couch. The couch is really comfortable.

F: It is really. I feel like I've sunk into the couch and that I'm in this weird K hole and I can- I'm talking but I'm very far away as I sink.

J: Yeah. I'm looking at you like, "What is he doing?"

F: I know, yeah.

J: "He's just waving his arms. He's just become one with the couch."

F: Somebody help me.

J: So Beatrice would like to know, "During life, was it easy to keep in touch and maintain your friendships?"

F: During life!

S: During life!

J: Yeah, I mean, I'm giving you the Reader's Digest version here. She really enjoyed the first episode.

F: Okay.

J: It was very exciting to hear, but she wants to know that, during life, was it hard to keep in touch and maintain your friendships? She finds herself afraid of that happening as she gets older, with people kinda moving and going in their own directions. I'm paraphrasing right now, but yeah. "Hope you're able to read this," Beatrice, we're reading it right now.

F: Is it a very long email? Is that the deal?

J: It's like four lines.

S: Four lines. Hambone can't be bothered.

J: We're reading the question on air.

F: Beatrice, next time, cliff notes please! I think it's like with anything, you have to make the effort, you know?

J: Right.

F: And some people are better at it than others, at different times during life.

S: I'm not very good at it at all.

F: No, well, I mean you know, we're fucking- everybody's got, you know, we got families and shit. And Hambone's got really good hair.

J: I've got really great hair. I mean, it's like the one thing I have going for me.

F: It's hard! It's fucking hard, man. Like, yes you have to work at it, but also, if the friendship is a true friendship, you're gonna be able to pick up where you left off.

S: Jump right back in, yeah.

F: Jump right back in, yeah.

J: Exactly.

F: You know, I'm not gonna- here's the thing. What? Was that weird?

S: I feel like you moved closer to the microphone to do that!

J: Yeah. I feel like if there was no pop filter there, you'd actually smell that.

S: "Hold on a second while I burp into your fucking ear hole!"

F: Well I wanted to make sure you got the depth of it. I feel like, here's the thing. If a friendship is too much fucking work, if it's like having another girlfriend or something like that, then it's- what's the point, you know? Like, you're not gonna get upset with somebody that they'd not fucking texting you every minute, and you know-

S: So time and space is a good way to weed out the shitty friends.

F: There you go, yeah yeah yeah!

J: Exactly.

F: Yeah, yeah. If they're still there after a couple years of fucking shunning.

S: Yeah.

F: They're your true friends.

S: So the take away from this is shun everybody.

F: Shun everyone!

S: For a few years.

F: And then see!

S: And see what you can back.

F: Definitely, yeah.

J: "Me shunning you is actually for your benefit."

F: That's what I'm saying. That means I like you a lot.

J: Right.

F: If I don't ever call, or text, or write you.

J: See, there you go. But five years later, if we meet in the mall again, you're like, "Wow, he really was a good friend."

F: "Oh, he was great friend! Look at him."

J: "We'll meet you at the food court."

S: Look at him!

F: "Look at him! He's walking away, he doesn't even acknowledge I'm here! That guy's a great friend! Thank you!"

J: Oh shit. Alright, also thank you to Chelsea and Hailey for the first emails back in October. We're not gonna respond, but we're letting you know we read them.

F: See, we're good friends!

S: We're just shunning you.

F: We're shunning the shit out of you.

S: Wait, did you get any emails from past friends of any of ours?

J: No, I didn't.

F: No past?

J: No past friends.

F: Wow!

J: No past friends. I did get one from Taylor in Australia who'd like to know, did we ever feel like Pencey Prep was gonna take off, or did you always know deep down that it was more of a stepping stone in your lives.

F: That it was gonna fail miserably?

S: It was gonna fail.

F: No. I feel like anytime you start a band and you record something, you're like, "Holy shit, this is it. This is going to be it."

S: Yeah.

F: You know? I think, don't you?

J: I agree.

F: Right? I don't know. I mean, otherwise, why do it?

J: You have to. Otherwise, why do it?

F: Yeah!

J: She actually has a great sub question though.

F: Oh okay.

J: "Also, unrelated question, do you guys believe in ghosts?"

F: I wish that I could say for sure, yes, that I believe in them.

S: But do you really want to?

F: Do I wanna believe in it? I want there to be something- like, undeniable proof that there is another plane out there.

S: Plane of existence?

F: Yeah. I think that would be comforting to people.

S: Right.

F: I think.

S: Right. I don't know if I would want a ghost hanging around me.

F: No!

J: Oh hell no!

F: No no no no no.

J: As a person who actually believes in ghosts, I'm gonna say no.

F: You do believe in them, you-

J: Believe in them, don't wanna hang out with them.

F: Have you ever seen one?

J: Not that I can prove.

F: Okay. Not that, alright.

S: Not that I can prove.

F: So why do you believe in them?

J: I don't know, I kind of I guess grew up Catholic and you know, it's kind of a bit ingrained in me since I was a small kid, the afterlife. Heaven, Hell, all that jazz. However, I personally believe, and I want to believe it, there's gotta be something else after out there.

S: I believe that too.

J: I don't know what it is. I'm also like, a very creative person so I get myself all revved up and spooky and spooked out about some stuff, so I don't know mna. I just feel like it's gotta go somewhere, and why wouldn't it still kinda hang out? And if it does, I don't wanna hang out with it.

S: So it's supernatural anxiety.

J: Thank you! That's exactly what it is! And that's why you're the writer of the group, Shaun.

F: I like that. I like that.

J: Fantastic.

F: Alright, so here's a strange thing. For, you know, the past couple years or whatever, so I was in a really shitty accident, and part of me has never been truly convinced that I made it out.

S: That's weird.

F: That's a weird one, right? Think about this, right. So, think about a near death experience. You have that, and then realizing, because you know, the more that you think and fucking process and sink into your own weird couch K hole, you start to think like, no one can convince you that reality is reality.

J: Yeah.

F: Or is it just something that your brain is manufacturing, and what if that is the afterlife. It's just like, synapses happening.

S: But that would mean that Hambone and I right now are in your reality.

F: Right! Yeah.

S: But then we have our own lives.

F: No no, everything revolves around me.

S: But no, we do! Because I go home and I have kids, and Hambone has Elvira.

J: I do love Elvira.

F: I only see that when I'm here.

S: But we see it though.

F: Not in my- you know what I mean?

J: Actually, I gotta say Frank, that if I am a figment of your imagination, I'm actually mad at you for not making me taller.

F: What about me? I should be taller! So, I get the tall first, and then you can come along.

J: Yeah, god. Yeah. This whole not being able to reach the top shelf is just really irking me. Thanks for nothing.

F: I imagine step stools.

J: Well, where are they?

F: You have the ability.

J: So, we have Maggie, who did not say where she's from, has two questions. And the first one I'm gonna answer for Frank, it's "Frank, I love you, adopt me." We're gonna go with no.

F: No. Definitely not.

J: Second-

F: Too many freeloaders in my house to begin with.

J: A lot of freeloaders, yeah. She wants to know, "Have you ever felt disgusted about your hair? I mean, I love it but I wanna know how you feel about it."

S: About Frank's hair?

J: This is directly for Frank and his hair.

F: Oh, this is stupid.

J: Let me see what else we got here. That's actually an email from a website, that's not a question.

F: Spam! Let's answer that one!

S: Hambone asking himself questions.

J: Okay, so-

F: "Would you like to extend your reach?"

J: Yeah. Also, which disproves his whole "we're in his head thing," because I still get spam emails.

F: Well, I still get spam.

J: Yeah.

F: I have a really good, realistic imagination. I'm telling you.

J: Alright so, Emma wants to know, "As a kid, if there were any books or movies or art that inspired you or changed your perspective on things."

F: That's a good one. What do you think? Anyone.

S: As a kid?

F: Alright yeah, what were you not as a kid that really shaped your existence?

J: Well, I definitely would say that I read A Prayer for Owen Meany and my big takeaway was don't give road head because you might get in an accident.

F: Ew. That's also thinner isn't it?

J: Honestly, yeah, that's also the thinner. Don't insult people because they might put a curse on you.

F: Yeah. Oh man. I love that book too, that was a great book. Yeah, I guess Catcher in the Rye is an easy answer. I feel like I only got into comics later on in life. I'm trying to think of early early shit. My dad would show me old Vincent Price movies, you know?

J: Those are awesome.

F: And then later on, you know like, we started getting into the newer 80s stuff like slasher flicks like Nightmare on Elm Street, and stuff like that. And that was, I felt so cool getting to watch that stuff.

S: How old were you when you were watching that?

F: I'm trying to think. When did 4 come out?

J: Nightmare on Elm Street 4?

F: Yeah.

J: That was still in the late 80s, I think.

F: Late 80s. So I mean-

S: You were watching in the late 80s, really?

F: Yeah.

S: 8, 9 years old?

F: Probably.

S: Wow.

F: And I think getting to see the older older stuff, you know, like House on Haunted Hill, and The Tingler.

S: Did you watch that new one, by the way, on Netflix?

F: I did! I did.

S: Yeah.

F: I thought there was a couple of cool reveals but all in all, the ending of it pissed me off, because like, everything's so happy and everything's okay is like-

S: I stopped at the last episode.

J: Of The Haunting of Hill House?

S: I don't know why.

F: I like that you just- that's like jerking almost to completion, and then be like, "Eh, gonna walk away." I think that there's too much happening where they're, you know, where people are remaking things and then turning it into these feel good, like everyone's okay type deals?

J: Right.

S: Is that how that ended? Was it feel good fucking, really?

F: I mean.

J: Nightmare 4?

F: No no no, we're- I'm sorry, we jumped.

S: No, the Netflix Hill House.

F: Haunting of Hill House.

J: Yeah, I mean, it's- first and foremost, everything is an allegory for PTSD. Like, currently anything produced over the last three years and in production now, everyone's got PTSD for something. So yeah, I really did enjoy The Haunting of Hill House, but I agree with you that when they went home with it, it was like, "Okay but now everything feels good."

F: Right.

J: It's like, "We got all the way here, but now we're okay. It's fine. What happened was fine." It wasn't fine.

F: Do we care about spoilers?

S: I don't think we should.

F: Alright, good.

J: I mean, by the time this episode comes out, it's gonna be-

F: A year, right? Jesus Christ.

J: It's gonna be a year later.

S: You can't worry about people if they're not gonna do shit.

J: Yeah.

F: If you're not gonna live your life and watch things.

J: How about you, Shaun? Any books or art shape you as a kid?

S: I don't know, man. I'm trying to think and I don't know. No, I don't know.

J: I definitely think there's things that-

S: Like, maybe Duck Tales?

J: Duck Tales, yeah.

F: Have you seen the new one?

S: Yes, it's very good.

F: I like it a lot.

S: Yeah, it's good.

F: I like it a lot.

J: Very good show.

F: My kids like it too.

J: That's important.

F: It is. It is, because they have some terrible taste in things.

J: Yeah, I mean.

S: Terrible things.

F: Holy shit.

J: Has the youngest one outgrown Daniel Tiger yet, or no?

F: Oh yeah yeah yeah.

J: Thank god.

F: He's done with that. But you notice if they don't feel good or something, they'll all of a sudden revert back to like, real baby shows or something like that? It's almost like a comforting thing? I've noticed.

S: No.

F: That's what happens with my kids. I did it too as a kid.

J: I guess that explains why I watch Star Wars so much.

F: Yeah, I feel like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, if you're in a depression, you just wanna watch fucking, I don't know.

J: I mean, I'm doing better this winter. The apartment’s clean.

F: Fraggle Rock. I've just noticed that if they're sick or something like that, they'll end up turning on some Disney Junior type thing.

J: Okay.

F: And it's cool, it's cool, I mean hey. Whatever you wanna do.

J: Whatever gets you through the after school, right?

F: But they're definitely, Miles is really into Teen Titans.

S: Oh yeah, that's great.

J: That's awesome. He's watching Teen Titans Go?

F: Yeah.

J: That thing's the best. Did you see the movie?

F: Yeah.

J: That shit was great.

F: They love that. The girls just found out about Hannah Montana.

J: Oh boy.

S: Oh.

F: And that's been on demand so there's a lot of Hannah Montana happening at the house right now, which is-

J: A little extra.

F: You can tell by my voice that it's taking its toll. It's like a polar vortex inside the house.

J: You're just watching like, "Alright kids, just wait until you find out what happens after the show goes off the air."

F: Well, my favorite is I didn't realize the southern-ness of the voices. I mean I'd never seen the show until this week, or last week. It's like, "Oh, Daddy! I had such a bad time at school yesterday!"

J: Wow! Like, that much?

S: Holy shit.

F: It's crazy, dude! I couldn't believe it.

S: Wow.

F: I really couldn't believe it. And it sounds like, I think Miley Cyrus has a retainer in or something too, so that she also has like-

J: She might. She was super young when she made that.

F: Yeah, super young. You know, she has a great voice or whatever, when she's singing and all that stuff. But then when she's just doing dialogue, it's lispy and also very southern, that drawl.

J: Yeah.

F: You know? And there was an episode where Dolly Parton was on, it was so much. It was so much to take in.

J: Yeah. Hey man, that's the joy of parenthood. You gotta watch some stuff that maybe you weren't really expecting to watch that day.

F: Yeah. Here's the other thing too. Jamia just recently got a Peloton bike. And there's these classes, which it's awesome, I love it so much. The seat kinda hurts my testicular area.

S: Oh!

F: But other than that, I'm really enjoying it. The other thing that sucks about it is that the music on- because I'm only in the first two weeks of it.

J: Right.

F: And it's these introductory courses which are very like, pop based? And like, country based? I guess they just kinda like, put on music that the majority of normal people listen to.

J: Right.

F: And it's fucking debilitating.

J: Oh, you can't pump your own music in there?

F: Well no, I mean you're taking these classes where people are like, they kinda give you the range of how you're supposed to do this thing, and up until two weeks ago I was able to say I had never heard Rascal Flatts. And now, I can't ever say that again, and it fucking irks me real bad.

J: Yeah, some things you can't unhear, bro.

F: Yeah.

J: You know, I go to Retro Fit and I've been to a couple different ones, and Retrofit is a gym where they also play movies. So like, on the treadmill-

F: Oh really?

J: Yeah, treadmill room. They have treadmills, bikes, and ellipticals in one room, and they play-

F: Is the whole thing like a Rocky fucking, what do you call it?

J: Montage?

F: Montage! Yeah, where they're like high-fiving in the ocean?

J: You'd like the think so, but no. So it's a dark room. So you can run to movies. So I've actually, the one I go to mainly, they kinda keep showing X:3 and Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, and Paul Blart: Mall Cop.

F: Wow!

J: So that's the spread that I'm watching. So, I will tell you there's something very serene about running on a treadmill to Lord of the Rings, because they're walking, you're walking, it's kind of a- you're there together. You're on your way to Mordor. Now I've been to other ones though, and it depends on I guess the management. Because I've been to some other ones. One place was playing horror movies, and they're playing hair metal, and I'm like, "Man, if this was the town I was living in, I'd go to the gym so much more." Because then, you know, you go to the one that's local to you, and it's all like, Rascal Flatts, it's all you know, weird pop hip-hop, but not rap? It's just kinda whatever straddles the line there. Like, the first time I think I heard Nicki Minaj was in the gym. Definitely an experience when you're trying to workout when you can't workout to the thing you normally listen to.

F: Right. I wanna go to the Poison gym though, that sounds fucking amazing.

J: Yeah dude. Well, it used to be in Wellington. I went there a couple times because I was in the area and it was great.

F: Because basically, I mean, 80s hair metal videos are basically just workout videos.

J: It is. Everyone's wearing spandex, I mean, they were the ones originally wearing the lululemon, but that zebra print on them.

F: Dude. That's a gym right there.

J: It really is. God, I miss it.

F: Alright, so.

J: You wanna take another question?

F: Yes yes yes.

J: Alright, this was actually one of my favorite questions. It's from Zoe in Bath, England.

F: Okay.

J: You ready for this?

F: Yes.

J: "Since coconuts grow hair-"

F: Wait, real quick. Can you do it in an English accent?

J: Alright. I'm from England.

F: Yeah, alright. That was good.

J: "Since coconuts grow hair and produce milk, are they actually classed as mammals?"

F: That's kind of Australian.

J: I don't know, I got nothing!

S: That was good.

J: Well, let me tell you.

F: That was good, I liked that.

J: Playing D&D, one of my go-tos, is I kinda slaughter my way through a Scottish accent, and I roll up to a table one day, and one of the gals I was playing with is actually from Scotland.

F: Oh no!

J: And it completely nullified what I would do and say in D&D because it's just like, "Well I can't say that because you're right there." But yeah, so Zoe from Bath wants to know, "Since coconuts grow hair and produce milk, are they actually classed as mammals?"

F: No.

S: I would have a coconut pet.

F: You would have a coconut pet?

J: What would name the pet?

S: Shitball.

F: I like that, that's good. Done and done, next.

S: That's it! Alright.

J: Yeah, that's it. I mean, just because-

F: Where do you go from there?

J: I don't know where you'd go from there, you know? I mean. I would name mine Balthazar, definitely. Coconut pet, I don't know, because I like a lot of Tiki drinks so I feel like it wouldn't last too long. It's like why I could never have a pig as a pet because I love bacon so much.

S: Because you'd eat it.

J: I would eat it.

S: You could milk the coconut.

F: Then throw it out.

J: If there was a way to milk the coconut without killing the coconut, I would totally do that but you know, I just don't trust myself.

F: I like coconut.

S: I hate coconuts, man.

F: Really? My dad likes coconut.

J: I used to hate coconuts too.

S: I think they're shitty.

F: I think they're- it's a lot of work to get into a coconut.

S: No like, no. I'm not saying I don't like them because you have to break the shit open and then eat it.

F: You don't like what- the end result.

S: I don't like what they taste like.

F: Okay, I wasn't saying that you were- I felt like you know, if I were Hambone, I would say, "Maybe the juice ain't worth the squeeze."

S: Oh!

J: How did you know that was what I was gonna say next?

S: That's good, man.

J: God, that's years of friendship right there everybody.

S: That's good.

J: Alright. So yes, we're gonna go with no, and no coconut is safe around me, and Shaun is not pro-coconut so I think that that's a-

F: Pro-conut.

S: Pro-conut, there you go!

J: I am pro-conut. Gabriel from France wants to know if we ever-

F: French, French. French.

J: What's that?

F: You gotta say it in French.

S: Where's your accent, man?

F: Yeah, French.

J: Geez, alright. I'll do it, hold on. "Did you guys ever think of doing music together again?" Oh no!

S: Oh my god!

F: That was good. That was really good. Wow.

J: That was really fucking terrible and I apologize to the people of France.

S: No, don't.

J: I watch a lot of Poirot, and you know.

F: Wow.

J: "These things. My little gray cells," I mean that's as far as I can go with it. But yeah, did we ever think about doing music again. Gabbie from France, we did.

F: Yeah!

S: But we did this instead.

J: But we did this instead.

F: I think this is working out better.

J: I think it's working out a lot better. You know why? I don't have to lift any bass gear up flights of stairs.

F: This is true. Wait, real quick! Did you see what fucking Ampeg announced at NAMM?

J: What? What was it, besides that wall of-

F: It's an 11 foot tall cabinet!

S: Oh my god.

J: That's crazy.

F: I know!

J: It was 11 by 36 or something, it was 36 ten inch speakers.

F: Holy fuck!

J: Yeah.

F: I want one.

J: Well yeah, now I want one too.

F: I want it so bad! Yeah, definitely.

J: I mean, how many heads you think you need to power that up?

F: I think it's just the one.

J: How?

F: I think it's just a fucking wall of plywood and there's one speaker inside. I think it's like 1/50th probably. It's like a Shea Stadium amp. I love it.

J: Yeah, I mean, that's it. It takes up half the stage. Could you imagine the roadie having to lift that? How many roadies do you think you need to lift that amp?

F: Well, it depends. If you're playing King Tut's in Glasgow, you need one guy. That motherfucker, they're fine.

J: Only one.

F: But I would like to see a stage setup, that amp and then like, two guitar combos. That's it. You know what I mean?

J: Yeah, it's so overcompensating.

F: I love it. I love it. I think it's amazing.

J: Yeah. My god, I saw the picture of it and the person standing next to it. Of course they picked the smallest possible person to stand next to it.

F: You don't know that! That dude was huge!

S: You don't know that.

J: It has Jason Momoa. He was still coming up short.

F: I think, you know what? It's funny. There's- to go back to the question, I think that there's a few songs that I wish we could've recorded in a proper way.

J: Yeah.

S: Yeah.

J: Agreed.

F: And you know, hey, we're not dead yet.

J: There you go, that's your answer. Crystal from Rio de Janeiro, and I don't even know where to begin.

S: Come on, do the accent.

J: I wouldn't even know where to begin with this!

F: It's Portuguese, right?

S: Just do something.

J: Oh god.

S: Just try.

J: Um... No. I'm gonna take a pass on this one. Crystal from Rio de Janeiro wants to know, "Frank, when are you coming to Brazil?"

F: Oh! We just announced that.

J: Well, there you go.

F: So there you go.

J: See? You ask a question, you receive an answer, Crystal.

F: We're playing Sao Paulo in April, I believe.

J: Very cool.

F: Yeah. I know.

S: That was the perfect question.

F: There you go, see? Psh, done.

J: See? Some answers are easier than others, kids. Olivia wants to know, and she's from North Carolina, "What inspired us to start the podcast? Was it spur of the moment, or did we plan this?"

F: Definitely not planned.

J: Nope.

F: Right? Well, I mean, yeah, you gotta plan a little bit.

S: A little bit.

F: Because you have to have a microphone and a recording device.

J: Yeah, had to buy some gear.

F: It was like, yeah, it was one of those things where, I think we had breakfast one day, and we were like, "We should just do a podcast."

S: Yeah.

F: And then we had one more breakfast, and planned the day to start it, and now we're here.

J: So we're gonna end this episode with one more question. It's actually, I feel like, a normal question. Not like any of your other questions weren't that normal. I mean, maybe not the coconut one, but it was still my favorite.

S: I liked that one.

J: Ketevan-

S: I'm sorry, what?

J: Ketevan.

F: What?

J: That's- I'm saying it as I'm reading it.

S: Alright.

F: Alright, one more time.

J: Um, "Do you have any tips for teens who are going into the music industry?"

S: No wait, we want the name again.

F: What's the name?

J: Ketevan.

F: Alright.

J: Ketevan.

F: Oh, Ketevan.

J: Just go with it, man.

F: Got it.

J: Listen, you should hear how I pronounce fantasy names. It's like right up there with Menzoberranzan. And that only took me like three months to learn how to say properly. But yeah- Ketevan wants to know if you have any tips for teens that are going into the music industry.

F: Wow.

J: Don't.

F: Yeah. Tips for teens.

S: Tips for teens, that's like a whole segment on its own.

J: Oh my god.

S: Tips for teens.

F: That sounds like a segment that-

S: We shouldn't do.

J: We should never do.

F: We should never touch!

S: Sorry.

F: Uh yeah, no. Yeah. Oh Jesus, sorry. Um, you wanna get into music? Oh Jesus. I feel like-

S: Learn how to play an instrument, right? I mean, there's a lot of shit that you don't even have to play anymore.

F: That's true. That's true. You know-

S: I mean, you could still-

F: Could do whatever, yeah.

S: You could still do shit.

F: Do whatever. I guess it's gotta start from having something to say and playing from the heart. Whether it's, you know, making noise on a laptop, or banging pots and pans together, or learning how to play an instrument, you know? Yeah, just I guess, don't be full of shit, you know, kinda thing.

J: Yeah.

F: Do it for the right reasons. Do it because you have to do it, not because you think you're gonna get anything out of it.

J: Yeah, don't do it because you think you're gonna suddenly become rich and famous. Do it because you wake up everyday and that's the feeling in your heart, that you need do something creative, and have fun with it. Make sure you have fucking fun with it. And make sure you surround yourself with the right people who are aligned with the kinda things that you wanna do, and not in like an ego way. Just that they're easy to get along with, because if you're having fun with your friends, you're gonna make something better always.

F: I agree. I agree.

J: Anything, Shaun?

S: You guys, I mean, you guys nailed it. You guys are just-

J: So, thanks for joining us.

S: Just don't bang on coconuts.

J: Hey man, if you get a mic and some filters, you can make it sound pretty good.

S: Just milking coconuts.

J: So thanks for joining us for this episode of the Casual Interactions podcast. Until we meet again, hold on to your friends.

[staticscreenwriting]

thinking only autumn thoughts - Billy Hargrove

Synopsis: Autumn is magic. Billy is soft. 

A/N: I don’t even know what this is I just liked writing it. Please let me know what you think. Thanks :)

“October Country . . . that country where it is always turning late in the year. That country where the hills are fog and the rivers are mist; where noons go quickly, dusks and twilights linger, and mid-nights stay [...]

That country whose people are autumn people, thinking only autumn thoughts. Whose people passing at night on the empty walks sound like rain. . . . “

Hawkins Indiana isn’t a spectacular town by all means. It’s small and old and boring. It’s not particularly pretty to look at either with it’s peeling paint and rusty nails and dirty shop windows.

But there’s a certain time of year, just a few days almost over by the time you realize it, where things change. It’s a feeling in the air. A whisper in the wind. A scent that reminds you of childhood memories you thought long forgotten.

It’s when all is painted in the last hues of reds and orange but fall knows it’s time to go and let winter take over. The air is cold a crips and nips at your nose and blushes your cheeks but it’s still warm enough to take walks along the fields.

That’s when he met her. He was new in town and angry. Always angry. And sad. And she was — alive. Even now, years later, he’s not sure what he ever did right for things to fall into place the way they did that night.

He was hanging out at yet another party of yet another classmate he didn’t give a shit about. And he was miserable and bored and filled with teenage angst and repressed emotions. And there she was, in the middle of a crowd, ripped jeans and a madonna shirt and bright pink lipstick. Her hair was permed to the max and she wore the ugliest hoop earrings he’d ever seen. It wasn’t like he fell in love with her then, but there was something about her that intrigued him. She looked like a downright mess. Like she was the physical embodiment of how he felt inside. Hell, she was drinking one of those disgusting wine coolers. If that doesn’t scream misery to you, what does ?

He saw her again, a few days later. Sitting on the front porch of her house, just a few down from his. She looked sad again. Still beautiful. And when she caught his eye, she started to smile. Her hair was flowing in the wind and her cheeks were flushed and the tip of her nose was red from the cold and Billy, for the first time in his life, thought that maybe he was falling in love.

Things changed that day, when they started talking. About the weather and school and Hawkins and their shared hatred of the town and how all they wanted was to get out.

They spent that night together, at the playground behind their houses. Just talking. About the misery of a lost childhood and a fuck up youth. About their families and how messed up they were. About mother and the absence of those. About heartbreak and life. And love.

And since that night things were never the same again.

Every year for all the years he’s spent in Hawkins Indiana that was his favorite time. Because she seemed to come alive then. With her hair flowing in the wind and Halloween gone and forgotten and Christmas still a month away she was — almost weightless.

And every Thanksgiving, when the nuclear families stepped up a notch in pretending to be perfect, they’d suffer through a fake display of familiar love and comfort waiting for the right moment to slip away and meet up.

The diner was almost deserted that night, obviously. Families had better things to do than have their Thanksgiving meal at the local diner with the soggy fries and the burned burger patties. But to them it was good. It was everything.

He told her he loved her there. With the pink neon lights lighting up her face like she was a character in the Blade Runner movie.

And she told him she loved him back.

It was a good time in Hawkins, the bridge between fall and winter. Where things are cold but they felt so warm inside.

Only winter inevitably came. And it came with cold and fury and heartbreak.

It’s years later that he gets to witness another Thanksgiving in Hawkins. Another magical moment between fall and winter. Only it doesn’t seem to magical when he arrives.

The occasion isn’t a happy one to begin with. It’s not the long awaited bonding of his patchwork family. No. He’s not being welcomed with open arms.

He’s welcomed by a frail looking Neil in a hospital bed hooked to machines, connected by tubes.

His dad is dying. That’s the inevitable truth of it all and Billy has no idea how to feel about this. This situation is so strangely familiar but so very different.

When it was his mom, he was a kid and he didn’t know shit about life and death and mortality. He just knew that his mom was there one day and the next she was in the hospital and then she was dead and he was sad and angry.

This time he knows so much more but his head is still kind of empty. As is his heart. His mother’s passing hit him deeply. She was this wonderful woman who held nothing but kindness and love in her heart. Neil is an abusive asshole.

But he’s still his dad and no matter how much Billy tries to deny it, he’s still just a broken boy asking for a sign of approval, a hint of pride, a tiny sliver of love from his dad.

All he gets is a snarky remark about his new haircut and a snort when he tells Neil about his job at a center for troubled youth.

So he bids Max and Susann goodbye and goes to the one place that holds good memories for him.

Only when he enters the diner it’s not a good feeling that washes over him. There’s the nostalgia of what this place holds sure, but it all feels less magical and way more sad when he has to face it alone.

He asks for a piece of pumpkin pie, which he doesn’t even particularly like but (Y/N) always loved it and some stupid ass part of his brain thinks that maybe that can bring them closer even if she’s not here.

“ You look like you could use some company “ Clarice, the waitress says but Billy declines. Not because he doesn’t like her, in fact she’s always treated him nicely when im and (Y/N) came around, no he’s just really shit at small talk. And that’s what she’s gonna expect from him.

So she walks off and for a moment he’s left alone with his soggy fries and a U2 song playing over the stereo.

Then the clicking of heels catches his attention and it’s just ridiculous how fast his heart starts to beat when he looks up and is greeted by (Y/N) walking towards him. Like it hasn’t been years since they have last seen each other. Like they haven’t broken up a long time ago. Like their last meeting wasn’t yelling and tears and heartbreak and throwing clothes out of windows.

But it all feels like a lifetimes ago. Like it happened to two completely different people. And all that’s there right now is this immense warmth spreading through his body and consuming him.

“ Hi “ she says and smiles and suddenly the diner isn’t so sad anymore.

She looks so different. Her hair isn’t permed anymore and the lipstick is now red instead of hot pink and she’s wearing gold studs instead of pink hopps but there’s still that shimmer of wonder and passion in her eyes and she’s still smiling like the girl she used to be. She’s a different person now but she’s still everything good in the world. At least to Billy.

“ Hi “

“ Can I sit down ? “

What a question.

“ Of course “

They’re quiet for a moment but there’s a tension building. Like the air before a thunderstorm. Electric.

“ I like the haircut. It suits you, I always told you. “

She had. But the mullet was his thing. The physical rebellion against his dad’s stupid rules and restrictions. Also he looked fucking cool and anyone who says differently is clearly wrong.

“ Thanks. You look — “ Billy knows he’s biased.This girl is part of all his happy memories of the last few years. She could be wearing a paper bag and shave her head and dye her eyebrows green and he’d still think she is gorgeous.

“ — good “

That’s fucking lame, honestly. But his heart is beating way too fast to come up with a proper answer.

“ Clarice called me, thought you looked sad. Like you could use some company “

They just fall back into conversation, like nothing has happened. Like they’re old friends who don’t have a shit ton of baggage. Who don’t have a backstory. Who didn’t love too fast, too hard, too much.

“ … and he’s dying. We know it. He knows it. I just — I feel like I should be sad, you know ? Like I should feel something. But I don’t. I don’t even feel relieved I just feel indifferent “

By the time they get to his father’s condition they’ve shared 3 milkshakes and (Y/N) has finished his piece of pumpkin pie.

“ Does that make me a bad person ? A bad son ? “

When she places her hand on his in comfort, Billy thinks he might die of a heart attack. Also he thinks he’s being fucking ridiculous. What is this ? A stupid John Hughes movie ? Fuck no.

“ Absolutely not ! This man has been making your life a living hell, Billy. You don’t have to be sad about him dying. I mean I get why you’re not happy, he’s still your dad. But you don’t owe him sadness. You don’t “

He hasn’t realized until now but she’s right, he felt like he might be owing Neil a certain kind of reaction. Sadness or pity or a hint of gratitude for — well for what exactly ?

“ He might be your father but he never stepped up to actually do his job as a dad. You’re allowed to feel the way you feel about it. “

Life gets overwhelming for Billy a lot of times. It moves too fast and sometimes he feels like it’s all spinning out of control. Like the world is turning and he’s gonna fall off. And then his breathing gets fast and his heart starts beating and his palms get clammy.

A girl from the youth center, Emma, she feels like that too, she told him. She’s 7 and she’s smart and she’s dealing with a family so much like his own, it breaks his heart. “ But then I think of my sister and my friends and my favorite song and the feeling in my tummy when I ride the teacup ride at the carnival and things don’t seem so bad no more “.

Billy looks up at (Y/N) and thinks of what they’ve been through and kissing her for the first time and them dancing to time after time at the prom he didn’t even want to go to but did anyway and had a good time and about the feeling of holding her in his arms during those magical fall nights. And then things don’t seem so bad no more, indeed.

“ Why did we break up ? “

If he’s being quite honest with himself, he knows why. It’s not one specific reason but an amalgamation of so many things. They just seem so pointless and trivial in the grand scheme of things now that he looks at it all as an adult.

“ Because we sucked “

“ We didn’t “

“ Yeah we kinda did. Billy we were both so caught in our own teenage angst and felt so miserable all the time. We were toxic for each other “.

“ What are you talking about ? You were the only thing in my life that wasn’t toxic. You were the only good thing ! “

“ See ? That’s the problem. We were so dependent on each other. I was waiting for you to fix me and trying to fix you at the same time. That’s not healthy, Billy. “

It’s the truth now that he thinks about it. While they were together, Billy hasn’t really made a move on bettering himself, not really. Yeah he’d calmed down considerably but none of those positive changes he’d ever given himself credit for. It was her that changed him and her he changed for.

And maybe his love wasn’t what made her life better either. Maybe that was all her doing. Maybe it was just growing up.

“ Do you really think we were that bad ? “ he asks and he’s scared of the answer. He doesn’t for one minute think about her regretting their time together.

“ If you’re asking me if I would do it all again, knowing what I know now. Then yes. Because I loved you Billy and when we were good we were spectacular. “

A silence settles upon them again as Billy ponders about their relationship. He’s glad she doesn’t regret giving him a chance. He doesn’t think he could live another day knowing the one person that showed him love in the last decade regrets just that.

“ So I told you why I’m back, why are you back ? “

If there’s one person that hates Hawkins just as much as he doesn, it’s (Y/N). Seeing her back here all grown up and mature, really surprises him.

“ I felt homesick. I know my family isn’t perfect but ya know, distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that shit. “

He might’ve not seen her in years but Billy can still tell she’s lying. Some things never change.

“ That’s bullshit. You hated Hawkins, what changed ? “

(Y/N) cracks a grin because of course he could tell that she wasn’t honest. It’s Billy.

“ I don’t think I hated Hawkins as much as I hated myself in it. It was just easy to blame everything on the town and the people except of taking a look at myself, you know ? “

“ Sure, doesn’t answer the question though “

“ Well, remember after prom when we sat by the quarry and you asked me what I wanted to do after school and I told you I wanted to write a book and you told me you wanted to help kids who are going through what you went through ? “

“ I do “

It was the first night Billy ever told anyone about his plans for the future. He wasn’t really one to spill his guts to people, still isn’t. So this meant a great deal. Especially since he didn’t really believe his plan was ever going to come true anyway. But she had been so honest and vulnerable with him then, it only felt fair to give something back.

“ I have been trying to write this stupid book for years and I just feel blank whenever I start a new idea. So I really started thinking about what it is that I want to write about, what makes me feel. Sad, angry, happy — just anything, really. And it all came back to Hawkins. Hawkins and you “.

Billy doesn’t think he’s the kind of guy people write books about. He’s not special or intriguing or even particularly funny. But this is (Y/N) and she’s always seen him differently.

“ So I came back here, for Thanksgiving. For the red leaves and the cold wind and that short time a year where things seem — lighter”

So it isn’t just his nostalgia clouded imagination that makes that time of year look magical to him, if she feels it to it must mean something. Anything.

“ You were always happier that time of the year and I could never figure out what it was “

“ It’s when I met you “

It’s like a thunderstorm rolling through his body. Lighting strike to the heart. He’s played this scenario over in his head for so many times but never has he thought he was the reason for her happiness. That he made such a difference.

“ I still love you “

That’s the fundamental truth of it all, really. He loves her and he’s never stopped. Not saying it out loud seems like a disservice to both of them.

He’s not become a better man for her, he did that for himself. But the better man he is now, he’s deserving of her love. He’s someone that’s good enough for the woman she is now.

“ Do you think we still stand a chance ? “

She softly takes his hand in hers again, her hands still so much smaller than his and way softer, way warmer.

“ The kids we used to be ? Absolutely not. We can’t go back to that. But the people were are now ? I don’t see why not. I like who you are now. I like that you went out and did what you always wanted to do. That you’re so soft on the inside and loving and that you put so much effort into helping kids. I like that you still show up here when your dad is sick even if you have every reason not to. I could love you now. “

Really that’s enough for him.

“ Can I kiss you “

She nods and leans towards him. And she feels warm and tastes like pie and cigarettes and her.

And suddenly the magic was back, full force. And no winter and no cold and no frost would take it from him this time.

It’s another late fall a year or two later when they sit on a swing set much like the one behind their houses when they were younger and more bitter.

Her hair is still flowing in the wind the way it always did and he cheeks have not lost the subtle blush brought on by the cold.

One gloved hand holds on to the chain of the swing while the other grabs tightly to the book she’s reading from. Aloud and with so much passion and love in her voice, it makes Billy’s heart grow 3 sizes at least.

It’s a special time of the year for a different reason now. All of the year is magic now that they’re together again with no underlying anger no repressed sadness, no misery. Just them.

It’s special now for it’s when she holds the finished product of many sleepless night in her hands. Of tears and frustration and more love and passion and longing that she could ever properly describe.

And Billy, he holds the other special thing in his arms. The one that graced them just a few weeks earlier when the air was still warm. She’s tiny and perfect and she’s all Billy and (Y/N) ever wanted in life. It’s her first fall, her first time on a swing, softly rocking in her father’s arms. Her first spark of magic.

“ … and as they sit on the porch, coated in the golden glow of a setting october sun, all is well and warm in their hearts. For maybe obstacles had to be overcome and mountains had to be climbed in order to end up here. Sometimes people meet at the wrong time in life when things are cold and bitter and filled with a sadness that is too much for two people to contain. But sometimes, and they both know how rare these are, sometimes there’s a right time. A second chance. For people who are meant to be together. They were granted such a chance and so they took it, reaching out and grabbing it and never letting go, ever.

So that october evening, with the red sun setting upon the horizon they were both so very aware that with all odds against them, they still managed to come out just fine in the end. Like boats against the current they managed to reach the shore, not unharmed but alive. Maybe more alive than ever before.

And with the waves it washed away the hurt and the bitterness and all that was left was them and love and magic. “

When she finishes reading she looks up at him with a shy glance. She’s nervous. This is the most vulnerable she’s ever felt. This is years of work and dreams she’s been harboring for a lifetime.

“ Do you like it ? “

“ You wrote a book about us “ Billy says and smiles.

“ No “ (Y/N) replies “ I wrote a book about love, we just happen to have a lot of that in our lives. “

Hawkins Indiana isn’t a spectacular town by all means. It’s small and old and boring. It’s not particularly pretty to look at either with it’s peeling paint and rusty nails and dirty shop windows.

But there’s people here that can change things, that make it worth it. It’s a feeling in the air. A whisper in the wind. A scent that reminds you of childhood memories you thought long forgotten. It’s the smile on her face when she looks at Billy and the sound of his daughter’s heartbeat and the love that surrounds them. Always. He knows it sounds cheesy but there’s no denying that it’s all a little magical.

[recommendedlisten]

It’s been awhile since Recommended Listen has done one of these, but back by popular (content) demand, the weekly Best of the Rest column has returned to highlight the rest of the week’s great music you should know. Leading into it, Massachusetts DIY scene favs Future Teens and Dump Him both tried to figure out ways to move forward while Big Thief are proving to be unstoppable with their creative genius. The return of Vivian Girls is arguably being enjoyed more so the second time around, Chelsea Wolfe’s natural instincts are giving us even more reasons to appreciate her dark art, and NYC post-punks Bodega continue to live up to the promise of being shiny new models. Meanwhile, Field Mouse succeeded at finding meaning in everything as modern punk scene cult hero Chris Faren searched for his within a screen. There’s a lot more to cover here, so let's get down to the music business.

Here’s the best of the rest from the week of August 11th, 2019…

Antagonize - Slip Death EP [Triple B Records]

The last time I saw Aaron Bedard, he was being showered in balloons and kids walking all over each others’ heads as part of the final bow of Bane, the seminal melodic hardcore band who very much helped make the New England hardcore scene what it is today. Bedard returned to the stage a year ago with a new band called Antagonize, and after throwing down some demos and promos, they’ve released their debut EP Slip Death on the great Boston hardcore label Triple B Records this past week (label leader Sam Yarmuth designed its cover art much like he did for the vinyl reissue of the 2001 Bane classic Give Blood.) Bedard’s intensity has not slowed down with the passing of time either. In fact, it’s become exponentially more confrontational as he and the band thrash through fast, visceral existentialist dread. Throw them on a bill with the likes of Fury, Fiddlehead, Turnstile, or any of the countless names coming out of the Triple B roster right now, and Antagonize -- and Bedard -- know exactly what the scene needs at this moment.

Slip Death by ANTAGONIZE

Charli XCX feat. Sky Ferreira - “Cross You Out” [Atlantic Records]

On September 13th, Charli XCX will release her long awaited “proper” third studio effort Charli. Between years of experimental EPs and one-off singles, it’s been awhile since we heard her target her vision for mass consumption with major label approal, and she’s bringing some of music’s most intriguing voices into the fold with her to get that across. We already heard her team with Lizzo on “Blame It On Your Love” and Christine and the Queens for “Gone”. Its latest preview “When You’re Not Around” is one for Twitter pop fandom, however, as it sees Charli XCX joining forces with Sky Ferreira on the A.G. Cook-produced track. The two artists have been heralded as pop music’s most underrated creators for the better part of this decade, so to hear Charli and Ferreira’s paths cross seamlessly into this digital slowburn as they put the collective shit they’ve dealt with personally over the years behind them is a fitting way for it to happen.

Code Orange - “Let Me In” [WWE Music]

At least weekend’s WWE Summerslam, rebooted horror heel Bray Wyatt returned after months of being kept off screen in action with a brand new character persona called the Fiend that saw him evolving from the creepy bayou cult leader of previous and into a psychotic children’s program host who turns into a deranged monster wearing a mask designed by horror film makeup legend Tom Savini. In helping get this new terrifying character’s image over with the crowd and viewers watching was Code Orange, one of the most exciting bands in hardcore and metal going right now, who reinterpreted Wyatt’s old theme “Live In Fear”, a sinister, swampy piece of occult rock originally recorded by Mark Crozier, under its new name “Let Me In” and making it into their own heavy pummeling likeness, adding layers of deeper darkness to Wyatt’s Fiend character in the process. This isn’t Code Orange Kids first foray in soundtracking WWE superstars' themes, as they backed Incendiary’s Brendan Gorrone live as goth anti-hero Aleister Black made his way to ring during NXT Takeover Brooklyn III. Now that Black is on the main roster, inevitably he will cross paths with the Fiend at some point, making you wonder where Code Orange's loyalty will lie...

The Highwomen - “Highwomen” [Low Country Sound / Elektra Records]

The Highwomen -- a.k.a. the country songwriting supergroup of Brandi Carlile, Maren Morris, Amanda Shires, and Natalie Hemby -- are one of the most exciting things to happen to country music this year. On September 6th, they will release their eponymous debut album, and to date, the foursome have proven themselves quickly to be working flawlessly as a well-woven collective where nothing remotely resembling an ego outshine the other in its first coupling of singles “Redesigning Women” and “Crowded Table”. It’s latest is a goosebump-inducing sunset song that hears each member sharing a piece of the narrative that tell a greater story about their ability to overcome all and any hurdle. “We are the daughters of the silent generations / You send our hearts to die alone in foreign nations,” their voices collect in its final moments. “They may return to us as tiny drops of rain / But we will still remain/ And we’ll come back again and again and again.

Miranda Lambert - “Bluebird” [RCA Nashville / Vanner Records]

Beyond the Highwomen, Miranda Lambert is now joining the highly anticipated of new Nashville releases with her seventh studio effort Wildcard, due out on November 1st. Her last effort was the excellently crafted post-divorce catharsis The Weight of These Wings, but judging by the sounds of WIldcard’s first single “Bluebird”, Lambert is getting back to her old high jinks of sorry not sorry whip-smart lyricism and folding them into cool, flawless country-pop. “And if the house just keeps on winning / I got a wildcard up on my sleeve / And  if love keeps giving me lemons / I'll just mix 'em in my drink,” goes its chorus. Lambert’s undefeated streak will likely continue with this as well as her tour behind the LP, which sees her bringing along her Pistol Annies sisters, Maren Morris, and Ashley McBridge along for the ride on select dates for her Roadside Guitars and Pink Guitars tour, kicking off in September.

Octo Octa - “Can You See Me?” [T4T LUV NRG]

Back in July, Octo Octa, the electronic dance outlet of Maya Bouldry-Morrison, dropped “Spin Girl, Let’s Activate”, the leadoff single from her forthcoming third album Resonant Body, set for release on September 6th. The listen was fully in motion with a bright luminosity radiating from with Bouldry-Morrison she says was inspired after a year of tremendous change and personal growth. That expanded energy extends even further in its subsequent listen “Can You See Me?” in which she allows emotions to overflow onto the soundboard through an empath in samples vocals and a cosmic tidal of synth arpeggios running through whichever cracks in its constant break beats they can find. It’s invigorating, and both as a measure of her art and being, there’s really no avoiding Octa Octa’s presence being made known here.

(Sandy) Alex G - “Southern Sky” / “Near” [Domino Records]

Rocket was a very special album in the prolific catalog of (Sandy) Alex G, though it wouldn’t be a surprise if the experimental indie pop wunderkind’s new album House of Sugar, set for release on September 13th, bests it in its own way. So far, we’ve heard the warped and rickety storytale standout “Gretel” and the earnest ode to a friend and place passed on “Hope”, and this past week, he introduced two more in “Southern Sky” and “Near”. The former, which includes an animated video by frequent visual collaborator Elliot Bech, is a country-stained sigh featuring Emily Yacina that hits a similar backwoods bliss that “Bobby” did two years ago, while the latter retreats to pinbacked repetition, wonky loops and samples that warp the canvas with Alex Giannascoli’s signature smeared fingerprints. (Sandy) Alex G will also be touring extensively behind the effort starting this October, with dates featuring the likes of Tomberlin, ARTHUR and Corey Flood.

Taylor Swift - “Lover” [Republic Records]

The last we heard of Taylor Swift was her divisive post-pop call-out Reputation, and with its tinge of industrial bangers and stadium-translating success, it’s safe to say it aged better than what anyone expected upon release. Her new album Lover is on the way next week, and so far, two of its early singles have been absolute dogshit while the other was just so-so. In the streaming era, it comes no surprise that there will be 18 tracks total on the album, which means there’s bound to be some duds. Hopefully they’re more like it’s title track, though. Jack Antonoff seems to be one of the few people who knows what to do with making Swift sound like a breath of fresh air in spite of her missteps in this lash-batting late night bar crawler that is the Jekyll to Swifty’s drunken Hyde. She really could have reverted full-on back to country-pop and easily gotten away with it...

Queen of Jeans - “Only Obvious to You” [Topshelf Records]

The surprises within Queen of Jeans’ sound are unraveling themselves quickly, but in subtle gestures leading up to the dreamy Philly indie-pop band’s release next week of their sophomore effort If you’re not afraid, I’m not afraid. So far, they’ve delivered a devastating blow to the ego in doo-wop form with "U R My Guy” and searched for a way out of a dead end relationship on “All the Same”. “Only Obvious to You” steps away from pastel lights and balloon grandeur, leaving plenty of room fordark space in between two warm bodies for the distance to hit hard. “Love will fuck you over hard,” Miriam Devora repeatedly reminds herself in the listen’s closing moments, and in the listen’s video shot at Philly Pride, they want to do their community a solid by letting it be known that no matter how you love, pain is pain, and your feelings are valid, too. This autumn, they’ll be mending broken hearts on the road alongside tourmates From Indian Lakes.

Whitney - “Used to Be Lonely” [Secretly Canadian]

Someone in Whitney’s camp had to have intentionally planned to have the Chicago country soul duo’s sophomore effort Forever Turned Around be released at the final breaths of summer and the cusp of autumn’s cupping season on August 30th, because “Used to Be Lonely” is the kind of listen that tugs at the heartstrings of both the, uh, lonely and not so lonely, in a way that will make those with someone feel warm gratitude to have someone by their side, and those who don’t romanticize about the day it happens to them. Its accompanying visuals, directed by Austin Vesely, are on point just as well, as it captures a budding romance developing at the kind of midwestern country fair in a small town you’d hit up some weekend in September when you could use a slice of simplicity in your life of how even the most humble moments can feel extraordinary if you’re sharing them with the right person. If not, Whitney will bring it to you when they roll through your city this autumn.

[nightcityhqs]

case  file     ;  Scarlet Axelia

nicknames     ;  Scar, Lee

associations    ;  Head of The Fates

occupation    ;  Defense Lawyer

birthdate    ;  February 23rd, 1985

hometown    ;  Seattle, Washington

current  location     ;  Darling Bluff

pronouns     ;  She/her/hers

mirror image     ;  Katie McGrath

IN CHARACTER INTERVIEW

 — And our dear listeners are eager to know, how long have you been in Sunset Port? — Most importantly, why do you stay?

It has been about six years since I’ve come to the city. It hardly seems that long ago now, its amazing how time flies when you’re busy. What can I say, the city has a certain charm that makes to hard to leave.

 Of course! We can all identify with the sentiment. Well, at least some of us. [LAUGHTER] What do you do in Sunset Port?

I’m a Defense Lawyer,  among other things. Nothing to glamorous I assure you

 Admirable! Now, I'd have left this question last to finish with a bang, but our listener is impatient, oh my! Have you heard of our little organization?  

The real question darling, is who hasn’t?

 Oh my! — And if Isabella Castello came knocking at your door, what would you do?

Invite her in for tea, as is our routine at this point in our lives. I know she prefers a good black tea lately.

 Interesting. Well, I think I've kept you here long enough! Thank you for speaking with our public! Which song would you like me to play for you, now?  

Holy by PVRIS if you’d be so Inclined.

BIOGRAPHY

Trigger Warnings:  Implied Abusive Foster Homes, Parental Death, Parental Abuse, Car accidents. Homophobia, Self Defense Murder, Police Corruption

Scarlet only has vague memories of her parents, but she holds them very close to her heart. Snippets of a once happy childhood, dancing in the rain, and BBQs in the backyard when the rain finally stopped. Born in the Seattle area, it was just after Scarlet’s sixth birthday that the seemingly constant rain caused the car accident, a driver lost control of his car and slammed into the family car on the way home from the local art museum. This accident would kill both of Scarlet’s parents and leave Scarlet an orphan with scars that would last her entire life.

After that day, Scarlet bounced around foster homes, never seeming to find quite the right fit. The crash left her withdrawn and with strong anxiety anytime she was in a car for extended periods of time. This didn’t make her the most desirable kid for most foster families, even those that fashioned themselves as the saviors of those less fortunate. Scarlet soon learned some families were nicer in their rejections than others, and it was best to keep her head down and her mouth shut to avoid the worst of peoples wrath. Despite her plans, Scarlet couldn’t stop herself from standing up for other children when the caretakers would lash out at them, taking blows and harsh words so others wouldn't have to. When Scarlet became a teenager she had given up hope forever finding a good home once again, and was just patiently biding her time till she could run away from it all.

Ten years after the accident, and bouncing around the entirety of Washington State it seemed. Scarlet finally found a slightly more permanent home once again. A wonderful single mother by the name of October Axelia. October had made it her mission to take the less desirable kids from the foster system and give them a home worth having. Firmly believing that love and having someone genuinely on their side could change many kids’ entire lives. Scarlet being one of those kids that October decided to take under her wing. Appearing to all the world as a withdrawn teenager who hardly talked by the time October found her. Stubborn and Quiet and battered down by the world.

Finally given a stable place to live, and a guardian who seemed to give a single fuck about her. Scarlet excelled at her studies, but stayed fairly withdrawn from the world. Struck in her own head with the nagging fear the world would take everything from her if she got too comfortable. That is until she met Danny. Danny was outgoing, a track star, everything Scarlet wasn’t. The two were forced to be Science Lab Partners, Danny having been late and Scarlet being the last person left. Scarlet fell head over heels in love. Danny in many ways was her gay awakening.  Danny slowly started to take down the walls Scarlet had built and Scarlet guessed that seemed to find something worth loving.  The two started dating not even a month after that first meeting.

What Scarlet didn’t know about was Dannys home life. Scarlet slowly learned about the pressure Dannys dad put on her, and the punishments that came when Danny didn’t meet those standards. How people never noticed the scars and the bruises because her father was an upstanding member of the community. It was right before graduation when Scarlet’s world was turned upside down again.  She and Danny had been dating for close to two years, before Dannys father finally found out about the two of them. The two girls had been keeping their relationship a secret for the very reason Dannys  father was violent and horribly homophobic.

Scarlet received a phone call in the middle of the night, a panicked Danny describing how her father found out and charged at her. She had grabbed the nearest object and slammed it onto his head. Danny had called the cops,still trying to do the right thing out of the vain hope that it would work out.  Immediately after she called Scarlet, scared out of her mind and unsure about what her life would turn into. Danny knew that this could be really bad, having turned eighteen the week before, and wanted to say goodbye just in case.

Scarlet watched as her first love received what she deemed as an unfair trial with members of the community not hearing what one of the most beloved men in the community did, and a lawyer that didn’t give a shit and was overworked. Scarlet was forced to watch as her world was taken from her once again. She was left searching, searching for some sort of meaning in a world she deemed as cruel. She fell into a deep depression, taking a year off of school, delaying her admission into Harvard. Scarlet spent most of her year curled up in bed, unable to bring herself to do much of anything else.

Scarlet found her purpose in her anger and despair. She found it in the pursuit of power and security. Scarlet had seen her foster siblings and her first love go through a system that didn’t give a fuck about them and Scarlet was determined to take that corrupt system that was built to destroy people and bend it to her will. Innocent People were charged or convicted all the time, with unjust sentencing, and Scarlet was determined to help those the system fucked over, as well as doing whatever she needed to get herself into a position where she would never loose someone again.

Scarlet ended up going to Harvard University for her undergraduate and then Yale Law School. Scarlet kept her head down and worked hard, adopting a life style that swung wildly from sex with random strangers, and drinking to forget the nightmares to studying her ass off and scoring top of her class. Scarlet graduated the top five of her class in both schools, moving to Sunset Port trying to take up residence on the opposite side of the country from her past.

Scarlet  started by serving a variety of clients, from many wealthy clients at high costs, and those who she charges a single dollar for her services. It was in one of her charity cases that she went against the former head of the Fates. Not knowing who he was in a trail by jury case, and prompting beating his ass. This attracted the attention of one Isabella Castello. She wasn’t very fond of one of heads loosing in what was supposed to be his area of expertise. But Isabella was always a business women first. Extending an offer to Scarlet to join the Fates Branch. Scarlet saw it as the perfect opportunity to gain the power she had been trying so hard to cultivate.

Scarlet excelled in the branch. In over a year forming her own smaller network, keeping an eye on the the system as a whole. It wasn’t entirely a surprise when Scarlet met with Isabella with a folder of improvements that needed to be made. Isabella silently looked through the folder before calling her former employee telling him to retire. There's a new head of the Fates. Scarlet has thrived in her position. Keeping track of those in her branch, possible  new recruits and problems that could arise. It’s been about four years since Scarlet has started spinning her web and has plenty of strings left to pull.

[unruly-worms]

before it disappears, i'd like to document this moment of my life in sentences of love.

I love the night, the moon and stars peeking in through my window. But also, i love when it's foggy and rainy and i can't wait to smell when the storm comes in this spring.

the past few days have been sunny, and you can tell the snow is melting. i don't know how long this will last, but it sure makes me feel human again. To feel the cold and wet earth in between my toes. to have wind breeze through my shirt and have it hit my bare skin. When it whips my hair around. When i hear the birds twitter about. When i get to dip my toes into little puddles in the parking lot nearby.

i've been in a depressive episode for a long while. And to feel a little human in this time, it's really giving me a reason to keep going. That being said, i am also feeling very fortunate. Fortunate in the way i have decided to keep living even after a very close suicidal call, and months and months of disregarding my body in the most difficult ways. Not self harm, but letting myself bleed and blister on my heels, legs, and letting my fingers and nose freeze out in the winter wind.

I also have been letting things pass me by. I realize, as much as i have been hating myself for being like her, I love my mom. i will miss my mom. it feels nice be hugged by your mom. i can't describe how much i regret because i have been avoiding her love. i watched golden girls with her this afternoon. she taught me well. let it be known i love my mom.

another thing, i have a body! not just a head and some hair. I have hair! I can run my fingers through and feel all of it's texture and poof. I have beautiful blue eyes and a soft face that has seen many a tears and horrors. I have arms that support my hobbies. I have legs that help me get through it all. I have a breath to control and take a moment when i'm alone. i can feel the tough, yet peachy texture of my skin, and how i have aged. i am alive, not unscathed but decorated with my own battle scars and moments in my life documented on skin.

I have very good music taste. Right now it's how good of a person Hozier is to his fans (and in general). I'm so glad to be enjoying his music. I read a textpost earlier about a fan knitting a hat for him, and he wore it on most of the wasteland, baby! tour (emotional BOOM 🥰Adhd excitement cues) And Mitski... listened to the Puberty II album and HOLY SHIT I AM IN LOVE... also dodies new album coming out soon :D and all of the songs i'm rediscovering. Honestly i'm really glad i deleted all playlists so i could build up again. Good job me for letting go of the past. i'm proud of you, my boy.

My uncle and my dad collectively gave me some of their old cassettes. Boys Don't Cry by the Cure is so far my favorite. Maybe U2 October? We will have to listen again. it makes me feel like things will be alright though. that's what matters.

I'm really starting to get into greek mythology, starting with LORE OLYMPUS... really makes me realize how bisexual i actually am...

I am really enjoying my masculinity! Using boy/male names for myself gives me great Euphoria ... very happy uwu my bros

QUICK WORD SMASH: BISEXUAL DISASTER EDITION

Say my Name - Hozier // Wilbur Soot (fuck i'm so gay) // Sharks // Bento Boxes // Citrus Flavoring // Reading Anne Frank's Diary and other good books // playing dnd with my character, Gael // my friends! Seeing my friends in this time makes me very happy. // Sleepovers :D i cant wait to have sleepovers in my adulthood. because it will be hard for the rest of my teen hood. do we really need a teen hood to feel young? i sure don't but i'll make sure to be young the rest of my life. pinkie swear myself. // i want my own place, to have a safe space overlooking a city and just being able to lay in bed when it's sunny // Lore Olympus again! I am in love with Hades. I think i just like men that have a touch of darkness ✨ to them. // Women who look like they want to stab me: yes // Hozier Almost: Sweet Music // Mitski is working on another album :D // Happy from the Puberty II album is my favorite right now // Happy Birthday Wasteland Baby ! // i want to disappear into italy right now hnnngh // live in a cottage on the french countryside and sustain myself with a garden and my fingers in moist soil in the early morning. getting lost in the woods, early morning fog setting in.

There is so much good in my life. Enjoy it while it lasts, to myself. You want to write love letters? start writing them to yourself . make yourself cookie dough and eat it, i know you want it. dance in the rain. be kind to yourself. make that quote wall you want. won't hurt no one. keep writing. life is hard, but i love you. i love you my dear boy.

[hellyeahrihannafenty]

The Totality: Rihanna | ELLE Magazine

Let’s just call Rihanna what she is: the coolest woman on the planet—with beauty, talent, attitude, and personal style to spare. Here, the global megastar answers questions from a cross-section of her famous fans.

Somewhere between releasing her debut single “Pon de Replay” (to blitzkrieg effect) in 2005 and sitting down to discuss international education with Emmanuel Macron in 2017, Rihanna has become much more than a pop star. The music is still absolutely vital, yes—her eighth album, Anti, which has been kicking up dust on the dance charts since it dropped last year, was deemed by Forbes to be one of the most successful recordings of all time—but as an icon, she represents something far greater: what a woman can achieve when she tackles her career, and her life, on her own terms. Rihanna is always fearlessly, unapologetically herself, whether she’s making maverick fashion choices on the red carpet, calling out body shamers, or adding yet another unmistakably RiRi-stamped endeavor to her string of (singer-actress-designer-entrepreneur-philanthropist-etcetera-etcetera) hyphenates. We can now add beauty mogul to that list.

The singer has poured her uncompromising attitude into a much-awaited makeup line, Fenty Beauty by Rihanna, poised to launch with a big bang of 91 products on September 8 at Sephora (expect lines) and on the brand’s website (Internet = broken). Its focus, perhaps surprisingly from a practiced maquillage peacock who has been known to rock vivid blue and ink-black lipstick with defiant flair, is gleaming, satiny, flawless skin, built around an assortment of user-friendly highlighting and contouring sticks, and a whopping 40 shades of foundation. “The biggest void I’ve found in the industry is the lack of variety in foundation shades,” Rihanna tells us. “That’s one of the things that was most important to me—to make sure everyone was included.” It’s a nod, too, to the complexion-perfecting gateway drug that ushered the Barbados native into beauty in the first place: “Foundation was the first product I ever owned,” she says. “It was like magic, and I’ve been in love with makeup ever since.”

Avidly hands-on throughout the collection’s development, Rihanna helmed everything from the playful name selection (there’s a gold powder highlighter, for instance, dubbed Trophy Wife) to the packaging, which, like its creator, is multifaceted, with tough, graffiti-inspired outer boxes opening onto sleek, streamlined, sweetly pretty individual products. “There are plenty of options out there when it comes to makeup,” Rihanna says. “My approach with Fenty Beauty was just to do things my way.”

19 QUESTIONS FOR RIHANNA, FROM 20 OF HER FRIENDS AND FANS

Tyra Banks, Model/Entrepreneur: You’re so successful and surrounded by people who want to please you. Who gives it to you straight?

Rihanna: For me, it’s my mama. They all fake, LOL, and fired!

Eminem, Rapper: You don’t seem like you’re ever thinking about trends when you go in the studio, yet you end up setting them. What are you looking at when you start your recording process?

Rihanna: I rarely know exactly what I want to do, but always know exactly how I want it to make me feel. Feeling always leads the sound!

Wyclef Jean, Rapper: The last time I saw you was at the World Cup. If you could be any football player in the world, who would it be?

Rihanna: Cristiano Ronaldo. But then again, Beckham did marry Posh Spice.

Laura Kim and Fernando Garcia, Designers, Oscar de la Renta: What’s your best vintage find?

Rihanna: On New Year’s Eve, 2016, I bought this costume from 1952 that was worn in the movie Singin' in the Rain.

“Rihanna is today’s most fascinating performer, a mysterious amalgam of amiable warmth and glittering charisma. With her keen creative eye for line and color, she has become a fashion icon, like Audrey Hepburn. Yet she is a tempestuous wild child and international adventuress, like Ava Gardner. Most importantly, as an artist in this overmechanized age, she bravely draws on deep wells of pure emotion, endearing her to millions of fans worldwide.” —Camille Paglia,Author/Critic

Tricky Stewart, Record Producer: Do you remember the first time a crowd gave you goose bumps singing all the lyrics to your song in concert?

  Rihanna:  Yes! I was on tour, and the whole crowd started singing “Take a Bow” word for word…to the point that I couldn’t even sing. They performed the entire song for me.

April Bloomfield, Chef: What do you cook when you want a little comfort?

Rihanna: Bajan macaroni pie, which is our version of a baked mac ’n’ cheese.

Zac Posen, Designer: What’s your secret family recipe?

R:It’s a secret! LOL. But they make a mean “cook-up” and pepper pot. Both are Guyanese recipes.

Jacquie Aiche, Jewelry Designer: What’s your favorite body part?

R: Well, my favorite body parts on pretty much any woman are the collarbone and shoulders.

Charli XCX, Singer/Songwriter: What’s your ultimate karaoke song?

R: Bon Jovi, “Livin’ on a Prayer”; Journey, “Don’t Stop Believin’ ”; Brandy and Monica, “The Boy Is Mine.”

"Rihanna brings ‘global gumbo’ to the culture. Her voice unites the world through positive music vibes." —Wyclef Jean, Rapper 

Danielle Steel, Best-Selling Author: I love your shoe passion, especially your collaboration with Manolo Blahnik. How much of the designing do they let you do?

R; They really give me all the creative freedom I could ask for, but of course I have this unique opportunity to work with Mr. Blahnik himself, so his expertise is always more than welcome!

Kelly Fields, Chef (Willa Jean, New Orleans): Your preferences in fashion and art appear to embrace the entire scale of highbrow/lowbrow—which is how I like to cook. I’d love to know if your preferences in munchies run along that same scale?

R: You mean KFC on a private jet is not normal?

Laverne Cox, Actress: You’ve had so many iconic fashion moments and take so many risks. The CFDA Awards Adam Selman dress in 2014—what gave you the courage to take that risk that was so perfect and elegant yet daring?

R: Dear Laverne, I took advantage of my titties before they go south. I saw my window, and I took it.

Pharrell Williams, Musician/Producer: You’re a pluralist in every sense of the word. Did you always have these dreams to do so many things, in addition to being an artist? Or have you just figured that out along the way that there are other things you can do very well?

R: I’ve always been a dreamer…or let’s just say I kept my options open. In my heart, I knew singing was gonna be in my future, but I considered psychology, hairdressing, banking, teaching, acting, modeling, aviation, and philanthropy. I just didn’t know I’d pretty much be doing all of these things eventually!

Gary Ross, Director, Ocean’s 8: What’s the first thing I should do when I get to Barbados?

R: [Fast-food] Chefette and a rum punch!

"I love Rihanna. I love that she is herself with no apologies. Her sense of style and self is unique. I love how she transforms herself with each album, each campaign. Always evolving. A true icon." —Venus Williams, Tennis Champion

David Copperfield, Magician: I’m not kidding, this is a real offer: I can make you disappear and reappear anywhere in the world. Where do you want to go, and why?

R: Ten minutes before I lost my virginity…and I’m holding you to that offer. LOL.

Emilio Vitolo, Restauranteur (Emilio's Ballato, New York City): What’s the name of the soup dish that’s the most popular in our region of Italy?

R: It’s my favorite on your menu...pasta e fagioli.

A$AP Rocky, Rapper: Tupac, Bob Marley, and Time: Fuck? Marry? Kill?

Shit, well, we stay killing Time. Fuck Tupac. Marry Bob, duh.

Olivia Wilde, Actress: What’s the most valuable mistake you’ve learned from?

No cheese for Jay Brown before a flight.

Patricia Field, Stylist: Would you consider having a cocktail with me sometime in the near future? I’d like to get to know you better. (Not hitting on you.)

Your place or mine?

"Rihanna’s MTV 2016 VMA performances were groundbreaking, paradigm- shifting moments in female swag. She represents badassery, positive self-esteem, and in a great way. She is powerful and vulnerable simultaneously, which makes her a revolutionary. Yes, she’s sexy, but once she’s got your attention, I don’t think you can ignore what she’s saying to you: She is curated and deliberate without feeling staged, and her intent is as real as anything out there. I respond to her as a writer, a woman, and a fan.” —Courtney Kemp, Showrunner/Creator, Power (Starz)

HERE, RIHANNA'S INSIGHT AS THE PROPRIETOR OF FENTY BEAUTY

ELLE: When did you first wear lipstick?

         Lipstick always got me in trouble. Whether it was at home as a kid, or my early teenage years in my career, I always had the urge to wear it. So I broke all those rules. Now lipstick is like my li’l secret weapon!

What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done/tried for beauty? Would you do it again?

         A corset! I’d do it again, though. I’d wear it every day if I could make it out alive!

What makes you feel dressy/“done,” beautywise?

         My finishing touch is usually my highlighter. I love highlighter—it just adds this sense of fantasy to any look.

"What is incredible about Rihanna is that in a world facing a deadening crisis of leadership and the constant negation of creative efforts, her music globally moves and inspires us to be completely alive without restrictions or prohibitions." —Richard Phillips, Artist

Of all the celebrities you’ve met, who smells the best?

         [Photographers] Inez and Vinoodh! Inez smells delicious. She actually gifted me her scent, because I always asked her about it.

Who’s your hair idol?

         This is probably confusing to most, but it’s in between Toni Braxton from back in the day with all her short haircuts…and Cindy Crawford. She had the most effortless yet stunning hair.

Who’s your makeup idol?

         I have to go with Veruschka. She made makeup look like silk!

This article originally appears in the October 2017 issue of ELLE. [Buy]

[brooktrout96]

Five Moments with Anderson & One Moment With Cole

Family, it’s sometime hard to get along with your family but your brother, they made life worth living after loosening two siblings before meeting them. Set a year after the peaceful revolution, see how the RK brothers and Y/N spend their time with their new-found family and how the RK brothers help Y/N.

A wise man once told me, 'family don't end in blood.' But it doesn't start there either. Family cares about you, not what you can do for them family's there; for the good, bad, all of it. They got your back, even when it hurts. That's family. ~Supernatural

Notes: The song Colin sings to you is called It's All Inside Of You from Pokémon

AO3 is here

Trigger Warning: Mention of Suicide

Family Vacation

        You smiled as your brothers all got into the car and you got on your motorbike and then you guys were off on an adventure, you and your papa were going to take your new brothers around Michigan to see the sight that aren’t Detroit. You guys decided to take two weeks off and explore all that Michigan has to offer, since you and your dad hadn’t been out of Detroit since you were 18 and Cole was still alive. You had pick out three major spots that you thought your new brothers would like to see, two of them were outside of Detroit and one was a place that you, Cole and you papa would go when off duty and the two of you haven’t been since Cole passed away.

American Museum of Magic

        You watched in awe as the android quadruples explored the museum. They knew that magic wasn’t real, per say but they knew that human magician had ways to pull off their trick and make it seem like it was magic, and it was real. Now a days, there are more professional android magician then there is human magician but there is a lot of history that the remaining human magician have that the android don’t.

         "Neither you or your father had been here before, but you guys would be making plan to come again because it was a fun and fan favorite as Connor awed some of the little kids with his coin tricks. Each pickup something that they were interested in. Connor was interested in coin tricks after seeing how in awe the children where with his trick. So, he got three books about coin tricks, Simple Sleight-of-hand: Card and Coin Tricks for the Beginning Magician by Paul Zenon, Modern Coin Magic by J.B. Bobo, and Coin Magic: The Complete Book of Coin Tricks by Jean Hugard. Colin was interested in cards trick after a magician baffled him with one. He got a book on card, 101 Clever Card Tricks Paperback by Cara Frost-Sharratt, and a deck of magic playing cards. Conan and Caleb were interested in a little bit of everything. So, they each picked out a book that was on many types of magic trick and you, you picked out a couple of books about cards and hat tricks, since they were what Cole was interested in before he died.

Shipwreck Museum Building

        It had been a long time since you last been anywhere near Lake Superior and boy this was a promising idea. Your brothers were curious about the history of the area and you knew that they could just look it up, but they didn’t, they enjoyed the tour and exploring the museum and learning about the world by themselves. It was a shock to see a smile on the always (meaning most of the time) stoic Conan face as he went through the museum with the others.

Belle Isle Park

        As soon as we got there, the memories hit you, of a time before your android brothers, of a time with your human brother. When papa would take the two of you to the aquarium, riding the giant slide next to each other and just having fun. Your brothers went exploring as you took you time to see the sight and all the memories came back to you. Just seeing the four running around and exploring, it reminds you so much of Cole, who if he was still alive would have been nine this year. You found a spot and set down and finally the dam that you’ve been holding in since Cole died broke and you began to cry, and once you finally calmed down you went to find you family

Anderson Family Reunion

        It was hard, this was the first time since Cole died that your papa decided to go to the family reunion that Aunt Tasha put together every year. None of you adopt aunts and uncles except for one or two liked the fact that papa was raising Cole by himself before the accident, and then they blamed him and you but mostly you for getting Cole killed in the accident. This would also be the first time that the family is going to be meeting Connor, Colin, Caleb, and Conan, they don’t know that they are androids and I wonder how they will react to them.

                 "Ah, Y/N, there you are!” a voice echoed as you looked up from where you were sitting

        "Uncle Bryan.” You said as you got up and hugged the man as a woman walked over to the two.

        "Y/N, oh it’s so great to see you again.” You heard the woman say as you turned and hugged her

        "Aunt Amelia, I’ve missed you so much.”

        "We haven’t seen you or your father since you know the accident.” Amelia said as she looked at you as you shook her head

        "I know but it being so close to the day it happened always put papa in a bad mood, at the time there was nothing I could really do about it.” You said with a sigh as you looked over to your father laughing up with an aunt that you didn’t know.

        "How has my little princess been doing?” Bryan asked as you shook your head

        "I’ve been doing fine, and papa been getting better, he’s been drink less since everything went down in Detroit last year.”

        "No, I mean about ‘you know what’ that I know that you’ve attempted to do 18ish times since your brother died, and I mean both of them? Don’t lie, your papa let’s Amelia and I know because he knows that you love us and that we might be able to help you since Amelia is a therapist and everything” Bryan said in a whisper as your shoulder slouched and you frowned

        "18 isn’t right, I attempted to kill myself in November of last year when the Deviants case got a little too much and we had no info to go off of. Then again in September of this year but I had people who helped me through those thoughts.” You looked over to your brothers as Bryan and Amelia follow your gaze as they saw the four standing awkwardly around not knowing what to do.

        "Boys come over here. I would like to introduce you guys to people who are near and dear to me.” The four androids walked over to you and then Bryan and Amelia looked at the four and saw the LED on the side of their head and then back at you

        "Androids? I thought your father hate them. Especially after what happened to Cole.” You smiled at Bryan said this as Amelia smiled at the four as you spoke to them

        "It’s a long story and I’ll tell you it fully later but after what happened last year.” You paused as you thought of the words to use. "Connor changed my father’s mind.” You smiled as introduce the four androids to him. “Uncle Bryan, Aunt Amelia this is Connor, and he’s the second oldest and the one who helped the Deviants back in Detroit.” She pointed to the android flicking his coin. “Then there’s Caleb, he’s the oldest and one of the first RK800 models to exist.” She pointed to the hyperactive android as he looked around. “Colin is the one fidgeting and acting so skittish. I don’t think he use to big crowds. He’s the middle child if you will.” Colin was smiling at him and waved at Bryan. "And this is Conan, and he’s the youngest of the four, and he’s hated loud noise because of he has sensory overload. So be considerate of him.”

        "So why do you and your father have four androids with them.” You let out a sigh

        "What do you know about the Deviant Revolution?” Bryan and Amelia shook their head.

        "All I know is what was on tv and it wasn’t very flattering for the Deviants.” You smiled at him as you pointed to Connor.

        "Connor was the one to lead the march of Deviants from CyberLife tower, he was the one to change the tide of the revolution. He then brought the others to papa and me after he rescued them from CyberLife, and they’ve become my brothers.” Bryan and Amelia smiled at you and you smiled back as they figure that these four androids were healing your broken heart that was damaged by the loss of both Cole and Junpei

Family Sorrow

        It was October 9th, you were out of it and you were the worst. You were very irritable and would snap at anyone and anything that moved and only one who knew what was going on was Connor and Hank, and neither of them would tell the others what was going on

~***~

        "Shut the fucking hell up, you asshat dickbag. I am fucking don’t want to fucking deal with your fucking shit right fucking now!” You screamed at your dickhole of an asshole human partner (Gavin Fucking Reed) as you got up and stormed off to the roof of the building. Colin followed behind you. You slammed the door to roof open as you slid down into a nearby bench and began to cry as the sky joined you and it began to rain. You had so many thoughts running through your mind. You looked over toward the railing as your dark thoughts took over and was wondering if anyone would really miss you if you jumped. You got up and stood in front of the railing and was contemplating whether to jump or not and you were about to do it when you heard the door to the roof open again as you heard a voice

        "What’s wrong, Y/N?” You looked up at him.

        "Nothing,” you mumbled to him as you stared out and looked at the Detroit skyline.

        "It’s not nothing when you scream at one of your partners for no reason at all. Conan was comforting Gavin as I was coming up here.” Colin said as you ignored him

        "It’s nothing.” You sniffled as you set back down on the bench. Colin smiled at you as he set down next to you. “I’ll talk to Fowler, see if he can give us the rest of the day off, and Gavin and Conan can do the rest of the paperwork that you and I have left to do. Come, let’s go home and you can tell me what’s bothering you.” You were numb and barely were able to move, so Colin picked you up and took you home.

~***~

        The other three watched as Y/N stormed off and Colin followed close behind. Caleb turned to face his dad and brothers, well brother as Conan was busy dealing with an upset Gavin. "Geez, she must be pissed with Gavin if she cussed him out like that or it that time of the year again.” Hank said more to himself then the brother as he watched her run off.

        "What is going on with her?” Connor turned to Hank and he nodded his head as he walked away, giving Connor the permission to go ahead and let his brothers know the truth.

        "What do you know of Hank’s and Y/N’s family history?” Connor asked as he looked at Caleb

        "Nothing on either of those. It’s hard to get either of them to talk about it.” Connor smiled and said

        "I know, and the only reason I know what I do is when I was working the Deviants Cases. I found Hank passed out with a photo of a young boy and an 18-year-old Y/N in police uniform sitting on the table”. Caleb nodded his head as he listened, and he wonder where Connor was going with this.

        “He passed away two days from now, four years ago and she blames herself for allowing another brother of hers to died. So, I assume that why she was being snappish and more irritable at people.” He looked back at the stair that she went up and saw Colin bring her down and set her in her chair at her desk as he walked into Fowler’s office. He then walked out and then by the four Anderson’s desks with Y/N in his arm

        "Fowler gave Y/N and I the rest of the day off and Gavin and Conan said they would cover the rest of our paperwork for today. So, we’re heading home, see you guys tonight.”

        "Bye, Colin.” The four Anderson and Gavin said as he walked out of the precinct

~***~

        "Colin,” you paused thinking of the right words to say to your brother. “Thank you for what you did back there.” You paused again think of the words you wanted to use. “I was thinking about jumping from the roof when you came in.” You said in a whisper as Colin strained to hear what you said even with his enhanced hearing.

        "Could you repeat what you said, Y/N? I didn’t quite hear what you said to me.” He wanted to make sure he heard you right, that you almost jumped.

        "I said that I almost jumped from the roof of the precinct. I almost committed suicide.” Your voice quivered as you spoke to Colin. He looked almost angry at you and you shrunk back away from him, an innate reaction that was instilled into you by you mother that you never were able to grow out of. He realized what he was doing and how it affected you.

        "I’m sorry Y/N. I didn’t mean to scare you but why, why would you think about committing suicide?”

        "Because,” you yelled at him and then your voice became shaken and a whisper as tear began to fall from your face. “I can’t live anymore. I get all these depressing and sad thought. Especially when it so close to the damn fucking day that I lost him and on what would have been he’s birthday. It’s hard to let go and begin to heal. “I only think that papa and Con-Con knows this, but I’ve tried to kill myself at least 21ish time now… I think, and papa has stopped me each and every time that I’ve tried but you know unlike my papa. I don’t try to kill myself slowly, I want it done and over with.” You yawned in the middle of your sentence as Colin smiled and rubbed your back in a gentle soothing motion

        "Go to sleep, we can talk about this when you get up.” You curled up in bed as Colin began to sing. Who knew he had a beautiful singing voice?

Be brave, be strong, be honest and to yourself be true and with your friends beside you you'll know what to do.

There's a time in everyone's life when it's hard to know what's wrong or right, what should you do?

Maybe just turn and walk away you'll somehow find the strength to say only you alone can find your way. In the coldest night of your darkest hour listen to your heart because you got the power.

Be brave,be strong, be honest and to yourself be true and with your friends beside you.

You'll know what to do. It's all inside of you. When you're out there all alone feeling scared of the great unknown when you will survive. You will survive.

Have the faith do what's right just believe never lose sight of your destiny. You won't be denied.

In the coldest night of your darkest hour listen to your heart cause you got the power.

Be brave, be strong, be honest and to yourself be true and with your friends beside you you'll know what to do. It's all inside of you.

So, stand tall you can make a difference when you hear the call it's your chance to shine. Give your all and don't resist it this is the moment this is your time.

Be brave, be strong, be honest and to yourself be true. And with your friends beside you, you'll know what to do.

Be brave, be strong, be honest and to yourself be true, And with your friends beside you you'll know what to do. It's all inside of you.It's all inside of you, It's all inside of you It's all inside of you.

        You took a nap as Colin called his and your brothers and explain to them what you just told him

Family Happiness

        After Colin had talked to the rest of the family, they were planning a massive surprise for you and to cheer you up. Then they also planned on a gift for you after their adventure. They took you all over Detroit to your favorite places and it ended with them all have a picnic together. It made you feel a little bit better so close to an exhausting day for you. They didn’t have to go through the trouble of doing this for you, and you knew that what you had told Colin probably made him understand what you had said to Connor back in CyberLife Tower make sense to him.

~***~

        You should have known that CyberLife would’ve pulled a stunt like this, to stop the revolution. You had been tricked by this fake Connor and he kidnapped you to stop the real Connor from awakening an army of Deviants

        "One wrong move and your sister gets it.” The other Connor yelled as Connor look dejectedly at you

        "Connor!” You yelled as he looked up at you, with a gun being held to the back of her head. “I don’t care if I live or die as long as you can save the Deviants and the other androids alike. They are people too. Just awaken them and stop this war. I… I,” The other Connor jabbed the gun in the back of your back. You closed your eyes and tensed your body as you didn’t want to see the outcome. You heard a thud as you were sent flying to the ground, as you open your eyes you saw the two Connor fighting on the floor, and the gun next to you. You knew that you need to do something about these two, but you didn’t know who was who, so you picked up the gun and yelled at the top of your lungs to get their attention

        "ENOUGH, Fucking stand the fucking hell up, both you!” The two stood up as I held the gun at them

        "Y/N, I am the real Connor.”

        "Don’t listen to him. I’m the real Connor.” You ponder what to do as the two Connor’s continued to argue. Then you had an idea but first.

        "Shut the fucking HELL UP. One of you is my brother, and one of you is a fucking fake bastard and I’ll fucking get to the fucking bottom of it.” You yelled as the two Connor’s looked at you, one of them had never seen this side of you before. You calmed yourself as you looked at the two

        "Okay, let me ask some questions. How many bars did we have to look through before we found my papa?” The Connor on the right spoke

        "Four, it was the fifth bar that we found your stepfather in after our first meeting.” You let out a sigh, this was going to harder than it looked.

        "What is my dog name and what type of dog is he?” you asked as you continued to look at the two Connor.

        "Your dog name is Sumo and he’s a Saint Bernard.” The Connor on the left said as he shook his head

        "I knew that too.” The Connor on the right said as you let out a sigh knowing that the answers to this question would show you who the right one was

        "How many times have you saved me?” The left one spoke

        "Once and it was the worst experience of my very short life.” The Connor on the left was about to cry but he was holding it in as he spoke.

         “That one time is when I save you from yourself,” his voice teared up as he spoke. “You were going to commit suicide, so you could be reunited with your adopt brother Cole and your brother Junpei, but I stopped you. You finally explained everything to me. Why you act the way you do and why your father act the way he does. By the way, quit blaming yourself for Cole’s death. It wasn’t you fault.” His sentence trailed off as you pointed the gun at the Connor on the right as you spoke

        "You know papa wanted me to sit in back with Cole. I decided not to because I knew we would be needed as much room in the back for the grocery that we bought. The doctor told papa had someone been in back with Cole, he probably might have been less injured but then again, Cole died because a human surgeon was too high on red ice to operate, that why my brother died. The damn fucking doctor, he was the one that took my brother from me, him and this world where the only way people can find comfort is with a fist full of powder. That why I became an officer like papa. I want to make sure no other families had to deal with that pain, the pain of losing a love one.” The Connor on the right said

        "I knew that too; I was going to say that.” You froze because you realized that the fake looked and acted like Connor and you thought of him as your brother, then your mind went to the brothers that you had lost so soon. So, it was hard to pull the trigger. You couldn’t let the shot go as the real Connor grabbed the fake Connor’s arm and forced him to deviate and it, no he shut down. The real Connor smiled as you embraced him in a hug

~***~

A Dog

        "So,” said Colin as your brothers looked at you. “I…. No, we know that tomorrow is going to always be hard for you because of what happened 4 years ago. So, we all pitched in a got you something that we hope might help you.” Colin whistled, and you heard running as Sumo and another dog that was almost maybe even bigger than Sumo came bounding up to him. “This is Dai, she’s a Bernese Mountain Dog. We thought since Sumo is our family’s dog, we would get your own dog to help combat those time that you are feeling depressed and alone.”

        "Guys…. You’ve shouldn’t have.” You said as tears began to stain your eyes. “Thank you so very much guys.” You ran off as Dai and Colin followed her

A Sibling Moment with Cole

        You were at a beautiful marker in Riverside Park. You kneeled down with a bouquet in your hands as you notice remains of other flowers on the marker, and then you read the marker that the RIT and the city of Detroit put up for Cole and anyone else who was killed because of Red Ice or its users.

To All Those Young Lives That Are, or

Every Will be Lost to Red Ice but Most

of All to Cole Anderson, Who Was Lost

Too Soon and Too Quickly

-DPD RIT

        "You laid the bouquet down by the marker, then got up and looked at the board next to it and saw all the notes that were left on it.

Don’t do it. There are people waiting for you to come back to them

It’s not worth it

💚 Positive Mental Attitude💚

Red Ice is a stupid thing to use

💚  Remember PMA 💚

Stay strong

💚 PMA 💚

        You smiled as you read the notes, it seemed that the PMA movement was still going strong even after Jack retired from YouTube. This made you happy that Cole was helping people like he wanted to do, even in his death. Then your brothers rushed you and hugged you in a bear hug, as soon as you got free you turned to the marker and the android all stood behind you

        "Hey Cole, I miss you so much. A lot of things have changed since you died. For one, the androids, they have rights now after a revolution last year. Papa adopted 4 androids and they are my new brothers, and I..... I….” Tears begin to flow down your face as you smile. “I just miss you so much. I wish you were here to get to know our new brothers. You’ve would have love them” You threw yourself into your papa’s arm and began to sob as each of the androids took a turn meeting Cole

        "Hello, Cole. My name is Connor, I’m one of your adopted android brothers, your sister misses you so very much and it has been a hard four years for her.”

        "My name is Colin and I’ve heard a lot about you and all I got to say is that your family miss you and wishes things had been different.”

        "Hey, Cole, my name is Caleb. Y/N and Hank rarely talks about you but when they do, it is about all the good thing about you.”

        "Hi Cole, my name is Conan, and I don’t have much more I can say without repeating myself, but I can say for all of us, that we wish we could’ve met you.”

[strmgrl-blog]

my name’s saturn & this is my meme shop ! aaaaah no, really though bonjour angels ! for a lil introduction for myself let me just get this out of the way GIFJDKL uhhh i love aoa, day6 & sm artists ( like .. all of them Help ). a traumatized bitch who loves suffering so i project onto my muses to Cope ! GIAUDFJKL god gdfroijmkl sorry ummm i love star wars & video games ? catch me throwing an ow comp match & feeding in fortnite ! i love the moon, she’s the only thing that keeps me alive. i don’t have a mitochondria, i have lunar force. i have one (1) indoor cat who i birthed & LITERALLY 4 STRAY CATS who appeared from the mist. i run a ratchet vet service from my front porch & it’s free, i should be named human of the year honestly, truly. more on this mess of a muse, hyeon, who ( btw ) is literally my everything ? i’ve had her for quite a long time & lost motivation to write her so i’m changing some shit up to see how it goes & this is the product ! i hope you all enjoy reading this EXTREMELY long intro ( bc it will be very long im so sorry ) & befriend both myself as well as hyeon. & if you’re feelin’ a little extra, like this to plot ! i have a few ideas in mind but they’re all worth brainstorming over bc they’re SHIT. anyway, i love u all so much already ? genuinely a kind community i’m nut & WITHOUT FURTHER ADIEU, here’s hyeon ~  ♥（ﾉ´∀`）

warning ! trigger warnings ahead possibly including ꞉ child prostitution, drug abuse, child abuse, mental abuse, sexual assault, depression, suicidal thoughts + other mental illness, murder, & probably a fuckton more. read with caution, please.

⌠ BACKGROUND ⌡

so starting with her parents, where all stories begin, let’s just preface by saying these were awful people. they ran in similar circles during school, a very bad one at that, & fell in love after sharing a joint. in their high daze they saw what their mind was conjuring but not the truth about one another. but for them, it had been enough. thus, their story began. it was a very rocky road but they managed to stay together regardless. the bond they had created blossomed as they partook in illegal activities such as petty theft, vandalism, & it slowly evolved into larger problems. 

after hyeon’s mother, named jung eunbi, stole from her parents for the last time she was kicked out into the street with her boyfriend ( who had also been kicked out ) with no place to go. both dropped out of high school as it wasn’t their “””scene””” & took to the dirty streets of busan trying to turn tricks. they’d do anything they could to get some money to feed their addictions. in the midst of their scrambling for what they deemed as important, they never thought to buy protection. so one fateful night after a good steal, they made love on a dingy couch high as a kite & eunbi got pregnant.

she hid the pregnancy for as long as she could from her boyfriend, he only noticed when there was a rather apparent bump under her baggy clothing. with the weight of the realization they might have to force themselves to become a real family, the couple got hitched & attempted to find real jobs. in some miracle, they managed to find a house to live in & eventually “raise” their child in. 

hyeon was born on the 8th of june, on a dark morning with clouds hanging ove the sky & rain starting to pour. she was premature as her mother did drugs during the pregnancy ( which was really no shocker ) & almost was pronounced a still born before they heard the tiny being crying & gasping for air. her parents had assumed that once she was born, they’d feel that parental love that everyone claimed to have but it never came. they stayed in the hospital a total of two days & hardly let their newborn get the help she needed before they hauled ass out of there. 

the first 3 years of hyeon’s life were better than expected, her parents at least tried to take care of her but once she was able to do everything on her own they left her be to pursue their own happiness. honestly think of matilda but a lot more severe ok

she would often get locked in a closet while there were parties held & her parents were too strung out to remember their child. she could spend days in there before she was released. this was only the beginning.

at 8 years old, her father lost his job ( her mother stayed at home ) due to a random drug test & he of course failed. this triggered her parents to panic as they no longer could supply themselves with their so desired highs. so after a night of scheming, they came up with a plan so sinister not even the devil himself would agree.

random men & women began to arrive to their dingy home as hyeon would be ushered into quiet rooms with them where they would pay to do whatever they pleased with the young girl. this went on for 2 years before hyeon was pulled into the principals office at school with questions about where those bruises on her came from. her mom was picked up for possession & this prompted the police to raid their home to find many illegal substances throughout the place as well as evidence of abuse towards the child.

soon after her parents were placed in prison, hyeon was shipped off to seoul to the biggest orphanage in the country. there she stayed for 4 more years. the time there was quiet, nobody asked her about where she came from & she never spoke about it. in truth, she never knew how to as she was a blank mind essentially. 

luckily when she was 15, after a long & strenuous search, hyeon’s grandparents found her & adopted her into their home in daegu. they were absolutely appalled at this shell of a girl, but could only blame her trauma on their own children. it was here that hyeon was loved for the first time in her life ( & possibly the only time ) & taught how to feel something besids fear. she was still horribly inept at processing emotions or showing them.

two years spent with them & one night as hyeon & her grandfather were sat at the family piano, playing & singing a song as her grandmother recorded them in secret. that same video was sent to an entertainment company without hyeon’s knowledge but was thoroughly surprised & equally as excited when she was recruited. only a measly year in training with her 2 group members before they debuted & they were suddenly the biggest gg in sk.

the group debuted under the name of PTL, hyeon’s stagename was now Tink as she accompanied her members in the ride of a lifetime. they were extremely popular with their girl crush yet enticing vocals with miss tink as the main vocalist & maknae. even so successful as to have a world tour ! the group had their differences, hyeon being the medium for them as the other girls were rather opposing forces. often she was put in the middle of their arguing only to run away when conflict came up. during this time she would write & compose her own songs, bringing a heavy soul feeling to the group with her powerhouse vocals.

with all this being said ( which was a LOT ), there is still more. a year after debut while the group was climbing in popularity, hyeon began receiving texts from an unknown number. she soon found out that the people behind the mask were her parents, somehow having managed to be released from prison & found their new mission in life was to harass their daughter. on an october night, after an argument went down within the dorms between hyeon’s two members, the youngest set out by herself to meet those who hurt her for dinner. 

as expected, it went horribly. at this point in her life, she was extremely impressionable, & witnessed how her eonnie handled things which was with a liquor bottle in hand. so, like an idiot, she went to a club by herself to get fucked up. while sitting at the bar, a random man drugged her drink & took hyeon home with him. the night was a blur but when the young woman woke up she felt familiar bruises & a blanket of rage took over. the man was still passed out next to her.

so as she slipped out of his bed & found the nearest blunt object, hyeon managed to bash his skull in. she blacked out after that only to come to with clean hands & far away from the corpse. this was the reactant to lead her to go blind in rage & come to with blood on her hands. soon enough, she took a liking to the feeling & became two people within one while somehow managing to remain anonymous as a killer ran rampant.

earlier this year, after too much shit going on within the group, ptl disbanded & all went their own ways. which hyeon appreciated. the people she had once called her sisters had become like strangers & only cared about themselves, didn’t have the time to look after their maknae. 

to say that her already pre - existing depression & anxiety sky rocketed would be an understatement. she left music for a while, deciding to stream on twitch & youtube as a gamer. it made her happy for a short time but has been planning on returning to music with hints of a solo debut soon that has fans excited.

edit: i forgot to put this in here originally IGJFDKL but she moved to jeju after her group disbanded for a new start. plus, her address somehow got leaked so she uprooted all her shit & left for the secluded island.

⌠ OTHER TIDBITS ⌡

stands at 5′7″, 168 pounds ( considered plus size tbh. one day i’ll put picture references LMAO ), with curly, thick hair & freckles from hell. 

can speak english, japanese, chinese, & italian. has a slight british accent from who she learned english from was from the UK.

has a rottweiler puppy named chewie, a hedgehog named leia, & two cats named opal & hazel. 

voice claim is a mixture of lee haeri, kim taeyeon, park sunyoung, & ailee.

her favorite color is blue, loves the rain, & will 100% be caught standing in the middle of a storm.

is a practicing wiccan ! very much so considers herself a witch.

her favorite drink is strawberry milk, & will eat anything that has strawberries !