#and while the fear and sadness and hatred of change is in full gear right now

[learn-and-accept]

Moving is a crazy fucking experience jesus christ

[kyberphilosopher]

Androphobia

Requested? No Word Count: 7014

An Android attempts to offer comfort to someone with sleeping trouble.

Androphobia [an·drow·fow·bee·uh]; Fear of or aversion to men. A related concept is misandry, the hatred of men, but not necessarily fear of them.

  * ✭ ˚ ✧* ･ﾟ * ✭ ˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ  *

Every woman or female born member of society has experienced an off putting encounter with a man. 

This is not to be entirely blamed on men- not as a whole, no. But individuals, the ones you run into on your way out of the grocery store, the ones who stop you on the streets, they are the ones to blame. Some women have the guts to tell them off. Not an easy task with the given anxiety, but one to take pride in for the capability that comes with it. Some women stay quiet, rush away as fast as their polite feet can take them and hope someone will see the problem. They usually don’t. And some women are outliers, tricking their ways out of interactions with these men one way or another, and to them I take my hat off. 

There are men who are easily construed as monsters, when in the dead of night their silhouettes flash beneath the tallest of streetlights. And there is no reason to not believe them as such right then and there, for as spoken by our Lady Galadriel, “the hearts of men are easily corrupted.” And any look into statistics will back up this fear, any personal experience, any hug that’s gone on just a bit too suspiciously long, any catching of those wandering eyes and it’s easy to feel in your heart that men are not to be trusted. They are not to be confronted, nor left alone with, and they will jump at the opportunity to put down anyone for the validation of other men. 

This is the reality of women and men in 2021. It is the same for several in 2039.

 * ✭ ˚ ✧* ･ﾟ * ✭ ˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ  *

You step out of your old, dusty car. Chips of the dark red paint flake away as the raindrops hit it. Above you, the gloomy, warm gray clouds roll against each other in different shades and sizes, high above the skyscrapers and the stress of the world.

Gathering your belongings for the day, you shut the door with your hip and shoulder everything. Then you make your way towards the Police Department, your work, with the heels of your shoes scuffing against the parking lot. 

Across the way, you can see Detective Reid, who rubs his brow while he does his usual slamming of the car door. There’s no point in looking for Hank at this ungodly hour, he’d never be in on time. He’ll probably park his car next to yours as usual- a little too close so it’s hard to squeeze into your own and pull out without causing his vehicle damage, but you never say anything. Not because you are one of the people who feel threatened by Hank as a man- It’s more because you trust Hank as a person, that you’d never bring up the obvious annoyances he places upon you and everyone else. Though, once you had tried. 

(“Cars parked a little close, don’t you think?”

“Shut the hell up.”)

The inside of the Department is bustling. A female Android brushes past you briskly, the others at the front desk all seemingly click clacking away in their own brains. Even months after they’ve gained independence, it’s not uncommon for you to remember how they were before. How still and lifeless they were. And looking back on it, it was awfully sad. They seem busier now, more alive and fast. A strange image, in your mind, but not an unwelcomed one. 

You reach your desk in the lobby, on the right side of the room slightly separated from the officers. You’re a psychologist, so it’s not plausible for you to be seated next to bias. Instead you’re in your own corner, with a rather cluttered desk on the top and empty rows of drawers. You do, however, keep a small japanese cherry blossom tree on the top, courtesy of Hank, though his has all but fully withered at this point. 

And then you’re ready to start your day. Pull out your chair, click your pen and type away reports and notes on the computer to send to the detectives. You don’t have any meetings scheduled today, so there’ll be no need to prepare questions or anything of the sort. Just an easy day. 

And then...

As you and I, the dear reader, have already discussed, finding men to be generally scary is an easy task. And even though you are smart enough to know that it’s simply not possible to truly believe that every man or male presenting individual is terrible, or has done terrible things, or has experienced the desire to do something terrible, there are times where you can’t help the cautiousness. You can’t help the flinch, the distrust, the physical distance, the hand in your pocket grasping for anything to use in self defense. Seeing men like Detective Reid in power, brutish and given guns and easily agitated, certainly doesn’t help.

So when you swish your chair around and come to a stand, your heart drops. You’re looking into the presence of someone tall, with broad shoulders and a strong chest. A man. 

[Sort of.]

“Good morning, Doctor L/N.”

“Connor,” you breathe out, eyes flitting down as you attempt to quiet the thump thump thumping of your heart in your throat. “I- I didn’t-”

“Your heart race has increased. You appear stressed, Doctor L/N.”

He cocks his robotic head to the side, his eyebrows creasing as the literal gears in his head turn. 

“You just startled me,” you admit, grabbing the back of your chair and moving it over as an excuse to create a bit of distance between you and the [possible] threatening force. “What is it, Connor?”

Now, for context, you and he were not considered close. You’ve spoken a few times, though never as friends, only friendly. You remember seeing him last Winter, when he would stand out in the snow outside the station, just gazing up after Hank had already returned to his own home. You remembered how he was different from the other Androids, besides being more advanced to begin with. You’d never said anything about that. It was obvious the only person it would’ve really mattered to, Hank, was already aware of this. And Hank liked Connor. There was no point in interfering. 

In Connor’s eyes, you could really do no wrong. You were smart, intelligent, and diligent in your work. Your job had been threatened by the presence of Androids for years by the time Connor had showed up, but it still appeared that they wouldn’t have done your legacy justice. But despite this, interactions were scarce. You were not friends. You were friendly. And you were always on your guard. 

“I was hoping to hear your thoughts on a case Lieutenant Anderson and I have been working on,” Connor tells you. He’s always made efforts to keep eye contact with people, and the tilt of his head tries to follow your eyeline to do so. But it’s never to any avail. “I apologize for the abruptness, but the thought only occured to me last night and I think it could be a good one.”

“Yeah, sure,” you answer. “I can help with that. I’ll get the details from Hank when he comes in.”

“No need,” the Android quickly assures you. When you look up to him for a brief second, you can see his tongue sway against his bottom lip, creating the softest of imprints. His dark eyes glitter like a beatles in the catch from the light above. 

He produces a light, manilla colored folder lined inside with papers. “I hope you’ll find all the details you need here,” he explains, offering the file to you. 

You take it after a moment, watching his thumb let go in the softest, most normal way possible. 

“Thank you, Doctor L/N,” Connor smiles. “I’ll go get you your morning coffee.”

Connor is like a dog in that way. Not in an insulting way, or an obedient way. In a kind way, in a warm way. With his chocolate eyes and the dimples when he smiles, it’s hard not to want to just believe that he is incapable of hurting anyone or anything. Especially a woman. 

But when you snap back to reality, you can see his male form. His set back shoulders, the robotic strength, the fact that he was programmed to execute any task he so desires. And then you’re right back on edge, wanting to step back from him until you’re sure you can take a full breath. 

It’s easier when he’s taken himself away. You can see him through the glass walls in the kitchen, waiting for the pot to heat up. Doesn’t seem so bad from far away, like most of them do. 

You return to the chair and open the file. At first, your eyes flit to the pictures attached at the top- one of a woman that looks so familiar, another of a man whose angry brows cover his eyes. Then they move to the written report, and something clicks. 

The woman in the picture was an acquaintance from college. The man next to her was the main suspect, and apparently her lover.

* ✭ ˚ ✧* ･ﾟ * ✭ ˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ  *

“Morning Doc,” Hank waves tiredly. Then his tone changes slightly. “The fuck are ya doing at my desk for?” 

You push yourself from your lean on the edge of his property anxiously. “I read the report on your case. The Carla Rodriguez one.”

Hank sighs in his classic sigh, tired and grumpy from the morning and being alive. “What about it?” he questions, rummaging through his large bag of prescription pill bottles he’s brought with him every day this year. You suspect Connor has something to do with this.

“I had a... personal relationship with the victim,” you begin, crossing your arms. “I knew her.”

Hank looks at you, bewildered. “You were sleeping with my victim?”

“What? No. What? I- anyway. Carla and I were in college together.”

Hank’s face changes. He leans back with high raised brows in the way he does when processing something. 

“The boyfriend did it. I remember him from back then, I think. Real angry guy.”

“You’re sure you know what you’re talkin about?” Hank questions you, though not in an insulting way. You know it’s anything but that. 

“I’m sure. I can tell you what you need but you know I can’t testify. You won’t be able to use my bias in your report.”

“But the bias is the whole point.”

Your eyebrows shoot up, along with your shoulders. It’s the universal symbol for ‘I don’t know what to tell you’. 

“You talked to Connor about this?”

“Well, no. I- he wanted my opinion but I didn’t tell him this part.”

Hank glances around. “Where's he at anyway?”

You shrug again. You’re thinking about the disposable coffee cup on your desk, left there by Connor a few hours ago, that you’d never brought yourself to touch. 

“Run it by the Android before we do anything,” Hank advises you. “Nutjob’s got this whole system in his head.”

“Yeah,” you mutter as Hank seats himself. “That guy’s weird.”

“Tellin’ me?” Hank groans. 

And the rest of the morning you spend avoiding Connor, thinking at your desk, barely doing your job while you let yourself get lost in thought. You’re not usually like this. You’re very professional at work- you love this job. The thrill, the learning about criminals and their rehabilitation- it makes you feel so tranquil. Complete, even. 

But knowing a victim, knowing the perpetrator, still adapting to the change of Androids looking happy for once, knowing Hank pretends you’re the child he lost- it... it...

You snap your drawer shut. 

What’s wrong with you today? 

You huff out dry air. When you turn ever so slightly, you can see Hank at his desk, eyes already on you with concerned and empathetic brows. Seeing him calms you down a little, at least makes you feel more in the real moment. After a moment, you turn back straight. Then you smooth back your hair, and open a your file again. 

“Doctor L/N?”

You look up slowly, recognizing the boyish, sturdy voice of Connor. Sure enough, there he is. Tall, looking down at you with his warm, brown eyes. They remind you of an excited, loyal dog. Yeah, you think, Connor seems like a dog person. 

And then you catch the sharpness of how broad his shoulders are, how little effort it would take for him to kill you, or pin you down, or come at you in the dark. 

“Can I speak with you candidly, Doctor L/N?”

“You...may,” you say slowly. Connor begins to squat, until he is level with your eyeline, though he’s over on the other side of your desk. From your view, your cherry blossoms pink petals stand out against the paleness of his skin, and then the darkness of his hair. 

“I heard what you said earlier to the Lieutenant,” he begins. 

Truthfully, your eyes flicker around his face, mostly between his lips and his nose and his eyes. They’re all so realistic. Well, obviously that was the point in his creation, but still. They’re so human. Connor is human. Even the way he seems to move his mouth, like his lips are just a little dry, is human. Such a strange detail. Perhaps you would never have noticed it if he hadn’t gotten this close. 

“When?” you question. 

“About 3 hours ago, about the file I gave you.”

Your eyes snap away. Connor’s own eyes follow your movement. 

“I know that this must be difficult for you-”

“Connor,” you sigh, slightly exasperated, but still holding it together. Your eyes close like you can’t bear to look at anything in the present moment right now. You must be trying to pretend that you’re somewhere else. “I’ll be alright. This was in my job description.”

The Android’s eyebrows knit for a split second, confused. “Overseeing the psychology behind your friends death was in your job description?”

And it’s a genuine question from him. That’s what makes it so hard to contain your laughter, no matter how frustrated or overwhelmed you are right now.

“Yeah,” you finally muster with a light chuckle. “Apparently.” Then you’re back to business. “This is my job. I’ll be alright. Thank you for your concern.”

“I just considered that, since you’ve been on the news before, the suspect could know that you’re involved.”

“So?” you ask, slightly more snappy than intended.

“He may know you’re here and subsequently attempt to cause you harm.”

There are two conflicting sides in your brain right now. The first one says: Now think about this. How could he harm you in a place full of cops? It’s not like he knows where you live or anything. How could he even find that out? When they bring him in, he’ll be in custody the whole time. Gavin won’t let him out of those handcuffs. Everything will be just fine. 

And the other part? It shows you a dark, masculine figure, looming over you. Police department or not, he is there. He will cause you grief and harm, do something so terrible to you you could not even fully imagine it enough to anticipate yourself. 

And, despite your better judgement, and to your full awareness, you listen to the second half. 

“Okay, so,” you breathe out. “So what are you saying?”

Connor’s eyes draw to his left in a stutter, his mouth parting as if he’s in consideration. “The Lieutenant and I had talked about... having you stay in a... safer place.”

Your eyebrows pinch together. “What do you mean by that?”

Connor looks so human in this moment. it’s so apparent, and piercing in this exact second. The details in his eyes, slightest of blemishes on his cheekbones. 

Connor leans in, his eyebrows raising. Subconsciously, you lean back ever so slightly in response. 

“We were thinking of taking you to the Lieutenants place.” He sees your eyes widen, getting ready to give a vocal response. “It’s a very safe place,” Connor promises. “I can assure you there are many rooms to your liking.”

You take a minute, looking the Android right in his warm, hopeful, perfectly symmetrical eyes. “Connor, I’m not interested in having this discussion right now.”

“It’s just-”

“Back off,” you snap. It’s assertive. Something you don’t usually do towards masculine presenting beings. 

As soon as you say it, you regret it, however. The person across from you just looks so heartbroken, almost. His big brown eyes, the ones that remind you of a loyal dog, are looking right at you. How could you not feel bad for snapping at Connor? Sweet Connor, who doesn’t take pleasure in hurting people no matter how much you convince yourself he does. 

* ✭ ˚ ✧* ･ﾟ * ✭ ˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ  *

The Carla Rodriguez murder case went on for two more days. Her boyfriend, unfortunately, was not yet found. Hank was working on obtaining a warrant based on your instincts that would give him access to search family members houses for the man. Things were becoming focused. 

Each night you went home, you struggled to sleep. You did in fact, find out that Connor may have been onto something when he suggested the consideration of safety. You indeed stayed up later than usual, using both locks on your dirty apartment door for once. It was hard to fall asleep. Whenever you did, it became all too easy for you to imagine a solid, big, broad shouldered figure standing over the foot of your bed, waiting to strike. 

A man, as usual. 

Ironically, you did feel better when Hank- a man- would come into the station. And then there was Connor, who was somewhere between a puppy and a wolf, half following Hank, half fully capable of loading and discharging a gun. Connor made you feel safe too, but only by association. It felt bad to think about him after the snapping that occurred Thursday, but it could’ve made you feel worse to act unprofessionally in the work place. It was best you try to forget it, and try to forget that Connor has unlimited and invincible memory. 

On Sunday, you and Hank had your weekly scheduled lunch. Nothing fancy, just fast food from a food truck by the train tracks. You’ll both probably get burgers, except Hank will try to add lettuce and some vegan bullshit to convince you he’s sticking to his diet. Of course he will. 

You throw the keys to your locker in the backroom into your desk drawer, and slip it closed. Across the floor, Hank is already ahead of you, tugging on his crappy jacket and somehow standing patiently and grumpily at the same time. 

“Ready to go?” you ask as you approach him, your own jacket in hand. 

“Yeah, just waitin’ for the kid,” Hank replies casually. 

“The kid?”

“I’m ready to go, Lieutenant,” the enthusiastic voice of Connor rings out. He has one of those voices where you can tell when he’s happy and smiling too, and he is in this very moment. 

Nobody ever joins you and Hank. You knew Hank had taken Connor to the truck before, but that was just between them, and this was just between you. An odd decision on Hank’s part to make such a change. 

“Alright,” Hank calls back. Then he turns to you, the smallest of knowing grins on his face. “Ready when you are, Doctor.”

You just nod your head and start walking out to Hank’s car, unsure of what to do think. In the end, you decide to just not think at all. 

“What are you doing this for?” you’d ask Hank as you were walking, when the Android known as Connor was out of earshot. 

“What? You got a problem with Connor?” You shake your head no. “Well good. Because besides bein’ a freak he’s perfectly fine.”

Yep. Thanks, Hank. 

The drive over is silent, besides Hank’s music. You like his taste, but it doesn’t make you feel less tense around Connor. On the other hand, Connor is completely oblivious of said tension. You can see him in the rearview mirror, smiling and looking out the window every now and again. 

Once arriving to the scene, Connor gets out first. You click your seatbelt away, about to pull the handle open when you notice Hank hasn’t moved at all. 

“You coming?”

“Mm,” Hank fake thinks, flipping through his cd cases. “Nah.”

“Well then... well then are you even hungry?”

“I got food back at the office,” he sighs, not even looking up at you. “Indian from last night. Gonna wreak havoc on the ol’ plumbing.”

“Then what did you bring me here for?” you question finally, developing a tension headache from how often you’ve been knitting your brows together lately. 

Hank looks up and over, an almost offended expression on his face. You can see it in his wide old eyes, the angry eyebrows, the slightly opened mouth. 

“Because I’m trying to create a warm and loving social circle.”

“You one time told me die because I ate your jar of pickles!” you cry. “Oh my god- Hank, is this about me and Connor? Is that it? You want us to get along?”

“Yeah, and what if I do?” Hank turns to you fully, putting an angry hand on the steering wheel to clutch something. 

“It doesn’t matter!” you exclaim. “It literally doesn’t matter at all!”

Hank is quiet. You can see his beady, angry eyes on you, his jaw clenching. “Get the fuck outta my car,” he says at last. 

“Gladly,” you mutter. You open the door and slam it closed. 

Looking across the wet, rainy street, you can see Connor looking up at the sign of the food truck known as Chicken Feed innocently. You breathe out, feeling the heat from the previous ‘discussion’ beginning to melt away. 

Okay, Y/N, you tell yourself. Just go talk to him. 

You begin your walk across the street, hearing the light tapping of the rain hitting the asphalt all around you. His back is getting closer and closer. You still have a chance to turn around. 

“Hey, Connor,” you say lightly. 

“Hello, Doctor L/N,” Connor greets in return warmly. 

“Whatcha... thinking about eating, there?” you ask, both of you knowing damn well Androids can’t eat. 

“I’m not sure,” he admits. Then he shrugs, and very genuinely says, “I guess I could have some french fries.”

“Alright. I’ll get you some.”

And you do. And you feel so stupid while ordering it. The guy in charge, Gary, looks at you with an ‘are you sure?’ expression on his face, but you only continue with the order, confirming that, yes, you are sure. Then you and Connor sit next to each other in silence, waiting for your food to be ready. You pretend to be very interested in a stain on one of the back menus for about three straight minutes. 

“Here you go,” Gary hands you the food. You take the bags and speed off immediately to an umbrella by the place. Even though you’re essentially powerwalking at about 6 miles per hour, it doesn’t feel fast enough in the moment. Connor is right there beside you the whole time. 

“Here’s your fries,” you mutter, pushing the bowl towards him. 

“Thank you,” he says, formally. Then Connor just stares down into the bowl. 

“I appreciate you paying for this meal, Doctor L/N,” Connor decides to say after another moment. When you look up, you can see he’s leaning down ever so slightly so that he’s closer to your height, and making pretty sturdy eye contact. It’s moments like this that you think you’re talking to Connor’s social programming, and probably not him naturally. 

“You don’t have to call me Doctor, Connor,” you breathe. “We’re not at work right now.”

“I apologize. How would you like me to address you then?”

“Well... how would you like to address me?”

Connor thinks for a moment. You can tell because his led is switching between yellow and white. Then the beginning of his eyebrows start twitching, along with the corners of his mouth, just like a human would when they have several thoughts on the tip of their tongue but none of them seem just right. It’s cute when he does it. 

“You can just call me Y/N,” you rush out in an attempt to save Connor from quite possibly exploding. 

He does the twitching once more, then looks up to the top of the umbrella without moving his head. “And, is this outside of the workplace or in it as well?”

“What would you prefer?”

His led goes yellow again. He looks back to you. “That depends whether or not you consider us friends, Doctor L/N.”

This takes you back. You’re silent, stunned, looking at him with slightly widened eyes for a few seconds- maybe a whole minute- before you make the decision to look at your burger and change the subject. 

“How’s been adjusting to life as a free man?” you ask, unwrapping the foil from your warm food. 

Connor adapts to the subject change after a few seconds, and you know that he’s seen right through you. “It’s strange,” he tells you, deep in thought, but sincere. “But, people seem happy.”

“Are you happy?” you prompt further, biting a big bite into the meat. 

Connor thinks again. He thinks a lot. “Yes,” he decides. “I suppose I feel alive,” he admits. It sounds like a confession, and when he turns his head to look over to you, he sees your eyes are already on him. “Are you happy?”

“Am I happy?” you repeat in question. “I... guess I am, overall.”

“Do you enjoy working as a criminal and forensic expert?”

Now it’s your turn to think. You swallow down your bite. “Yeah, I think so. It’s what I’ve wanted for a long time. And now I have it, and I’m comfortable and all. So yes... And you? As a detective?” You bite into the burger again.

“Well, it is what I was created for,” Connor tells you, with an almost charismatic, joking tone. It looks like he’s smiling a little, too. Cute. “I think so. Working with Lieutenant Anderson has gotten better.”

“God, I remember when you first came in,” you roll your eyes. “Hank was all in a mood. One of the grouchiest days for him. But he likes you now.”

Connor watches you pull the burger away from your face. He’s thinking again, but also admiring your features from up close. He doesn’t usually get to do this with you. The proof is in the lack of response to the ‘would you consider us friends?’ question. 

“You know,” Connor says, and you can hear the sincerity in his voice for the millionth time. “I really admire how talented you are in your line of work.”

You feel heat in not just your cheeks, but in the rest of your face as well, as if you have a very sudden fever. You decide to keep your face down, trying to naturally make it not look like you’re using your burger as a shield. “Thank you,” you respond. 

The heat begins to subside, so you look back up to him. “I admire your...” and you can’t finish the sentence. Not because you can’t think of anything to admire. You know you had a good one in mind to say to him. But when you look up at his boyish face, with the innocent smile and the comforting eyes and the most human details in his skin, you lose your train of thought. 

It seems too late and rude to continue by the time you regain it, so you just decide to leave it and eat your burger as quickly as possible. 

“Are you done with your fries?” you ask, as Connor looks down at the untouched basket.

“Yes, thank you.”

You don’t even look into the waste of 2 dollars as you speed walk to the trash can and dump it full of everything. Then you hop across the street, Connor right behind you.

Getting back into Hank’s car makes you roll your eyes. It’s not that you’re mad with Connor anymore so much- not that you would describe the feeling as mad in the first place. You’re not even sure you’re ‘mad’ at Hank so much anymore. It’s more like you’re in the area that you previously had a yelling match in, so all that energy is still there. So stupid.

“Hey, you two,” Hank greets, though to you it sounds condescending.

“Hello,” Connor chirps back.

You just shoot Hank a glare.

“How was lunch?” The old man prompts, holding your eye contact knowingly the entire time.

“It was fine,” you tell him.

“Fine?”

“Yeah,” you practically seethe. “Just fine.”

* ✭ ˚ ✧* ･ﾟ * ✭ ˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ  *

You stay in your house for another two days. Sleeping has become far more difficult, though you’d never openly admit it. Hank can see it in your face. There’s dark circles under your eyes, far more noticeable than before. Your eyes are dragging themselves down, along with the rest of your body which seems to be in a constant slump. 

You’re like a zombie. You’re just carrying yourself around, mindlessly doing your tasks while you try not to nod off at work. Hank hasn’t said anything. He just watches you from afar, not knowing how to apologize because he’s never been able to pull himself into one. 

Connor hasn’t said anything either. Hank’s pet has continued his daily routines around the precinct, going where he’s told and sitting on the other side of the older man. You haven’t been observing them much lately. Been a bit too preoccupied with the threat of sleep paralysis to do anything that you find matters in a social sense. 

Carla’s case is still open. Her boyfriend is still out there, watching and waiting. Maybe for you. Maybe for some other innocent woman. You keep picturing him towering over you, his shoulders looming, strong jaw twitching with anger. Those masculine brows, defined with the intent to strike at you. Kill you, like your old friend. 

Finally, on the fourth day of little to know sleep, you fell asleep at your desk. Completely zonked out, your head slumped against the surface, squishing your cheek in the process. Connor jumped up from his seat, Hank following shortly after. But there was no threat, you were simply resting. Once the two realized this, they calmed a little. Hank opted to send Connor over to you to check you out, crossing his arms as he got ready to observe. 

The Android creeps over. Your breathing is steady. So is your heartrate. You’re not in shock or anything at all. You’re not even hurt. 

“Y/N?” he prompts lightly, now crouched to be close enough to your ear so he can whisper. His chocolate eyes glance around the precinct, looking for anyone who might have noticed you to try and save you some embarrassment. Then he glances towards the Captain in his office, and he knows he has to hurry himself so you don’t get caught and reprimanded. 

“Doctor L/N?”

No response. Connor looks back at Hank, who shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly with little help. 

“Doctor L/N, you have to wake up,” he tells you, poking the back of your slumped shoulder. 

You were asleep, yes, but apparently not very deeply. You stir from your slumber, raising your head and your mousy appearance to look over at Connor with confused eyes. 

“What happened?” you strain, stretching. Connor detects a bit of drool on the corner of your lips. 

“You fell asleep at work,” Connor explains slowly. 

“I did?” you squint, obviously still out of it. 

“You have... drool on your lips.”

You wipe the left corner. “The other side,” Connor gestures lightly to his own lips. “Yes. You got it.”

��Was I out for long?” you look around, adjusting to the so very bright lights of the building. 

“No,” Connor answers in that sweet, sweet voice of his. “Maybe a minute, or two.”

“Oh,” you say, your eyes wandering around. 

* ✭ ˚ ✧* ･ﾟ * ✭ ˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ  *

That night, it rains. 

Thunder echoes, with  ripples of light from the lightning that bears across the sky like great claw hands. 

You watch the view out your window from the middle of your bed for a long time. You’re curled up in a ball on the blankets, not even under them. You’re just there, watching the sky that reflects in your eyes. 

A sudden stir in you gives you a change of heart. Something you can’t explain to the fullest extent, something not even I, the one in charge of relaying all that’s happening to you, could explain the exact feeling. It’s like the snapping of a rubber band at 2:15 in the morning. 

You can’t stay in this apartment anymore. Not even two locks are enough to protect you. Not your kitchen knives, or the gun given to you from the department for self defense. None of it seems like enough, because all of those things are used after something happens. They don’t prevent it. 

You’re in a hurry. The comfiest pajamas you own are soaked in the salty rain water and protected only by the simplest of winter coats you own. It’s nice, though not appropriate for the current weather of course. Your hair gets drenched fast. Every individual drip that falls from the tip of your nose is felt, like you’re more hyperaware than usual. 

Now you’ve arrived at a house. A one story, fairly inexpensive home with a garage and recognizable old car out front. As you approach, you can already hear the barking of a dog, see a neighbor turn their lights on briefly to observe you, and feel the shivering of your knuckles as they tap on the door sporadically.

Come on, Hank, you think.  Please protect me. Please do this for me. 

And, believe me, Hank Anderson would’ve done it had he been awake. But he hadn’t been, and so he didn’t answer the door. Instead, the door swings open, and inside you see an Android. 

A tall one, with soft facial features. He has long, dark eyelashes framing dark eyes, surrounded by dark hair. He’s clean and clear cut, very put together. It’s Connor, Hank’s pet that you’ve never been able to get the hang of knowing. And he’s as shocked as you are. 

Your drenched hair, shivering body, distant look in your eyes. Though, Connor’s unsure of how he would appear if he had to show up to anyone’s house at 2:34am. Probably unwell. Probably a little bit like you. 

“Doctor L/N,” he says, though it seems mostly to himself. His parched lips barely move, though you notice how pink they look in comparison to everything else right now. 

“Can I come in?”

Connor is still for a few seconds, obviously still processing your appearance. For what, you don’t know. Must’ve been one of the few things he’s simply unable to calculate. But then he moves himself to the side, and you carry yourself in. 

As soon as the door closes behind you, everything is so much warmer. You haven’t been to Hank’s place in months, but it still feels as homey as it did before. It’s cleaner than it was a year ago. There’s more pictures on the walls, more clutter lining the shelves. He’s starting to care about things again. That’s good. 

“What are you doing here?” you suddenly ask, turning around to face Connor. 

That’s right- what is he doing here? He and Hank couldn’t be living together, could they? Or is... or is it that Hank is pretending Connor is someone else, too?

Connor’s led goes yellow, then blue, then back to yellow. “Lieutenant Anderson has offered me a place to stay until I’m ready to go on myself,” he explains, though the way it looks at you makes it seem like Connor doesn’t want to tell you this. Like he feels the need to explain himself. 

“Are you alright, Y/N?”

You wipe your face, smearing your leftover makeup from your eye with the rain water. It burns, but you can’t feel it over the cold. “I uh- um... I’ve been having trouble- trouble sleeping.”

Connor’s lips close, and he looks at you in understanding as you stand there, now feeling your own pressure of having to explain yourself. 

“Just like... at my place I can’t- can’t sleep. Not a lot of it.”

Connor knows he shouldn’t, but it’s right there on the very tip of his tongue. It’s so close to just spilling out, until finally it does, all at once. He’s too curious to try and stop it. “Why?”

“I just- I can’t-”

You’re looking everywhere. The floor, the wall, covering your eyes with your arm or your hand, shifting back and forth between feet, making a soggy spot on the floor from your dripping clothes. 

“Can’t sleep.”

When you look up to Connor again, you feel better. Still panicked, but like you’re not in trouble. His eyes are so soft. They’re so human, and comforting. He looks at you like he understands, and like he’s not upset. You can see why Hank would pretend he is who he is now. But there’s no one for you to pretend who Connor is. He’s just Connor. And he’s better than you. 

* ✭ ˚ ✧* ･ﾟ * ✭ ˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ  *

Connor lets you wear one of his sets of identical clothes. It’s a grey t-shirt and blue pajama pants. Your hair is still wet, but Connor doesn’t say anything. He lets you sit on the couch and watch one of Hank’s basketball recordings while he goes to make tea. 

He brings it to you and sets it down on the coffee table in front, but like days ago, you can’t bring yourself to touch it. Connor’s made himself a cup too, but doesn’t drink it. It’s deadly silent, the only light coming from the faint glow of the tv, the only sound coming from the biases of those annoying sports commentators. 

“Connor?” you whisper hoarsely, turning your body to face him. 

He looks over at you, at full attention. Such a soft boy. 

“Do you think I’m afraid of anything?”

Connor’s led goes yellow. It flickers in circles until finally he says, “What do you mean, Y/N?”

You look down at your hands. “W-when I try to sleep, I see someone,” you say, not bearing to look at anyone from that gender for a moment. “He never leaves me alone. I feel like I- like I’m seeing this thing everywhere. I can’t avoid it. It won’t leave me alone.”

“What is it?” Connor prods gently, leaning in in that innocent, but curious way he does. 

You open your mouth like you’re going to answer, but then your mouth goes dry. Instead, you just shrug your shoulders in a weak attempt of lying. 

“Um... why are you still awake?” you ask instead. 

“Androids don’t need to sleep,” Connor explains to you. “We just power down to conserve energy, but I don’t need as much as others.”

A light puff of air escapes your nose in time with the flickering of the corners of your lips. “Sounds like you’re bragging,” you tease for a second. 

Then it goes quiet.

“I don’t think you’re scared of anything,” you hear Connor’s voice say clearly. “At least, not that I’ve seen. You’re very diligent in your work.”

You take the compliment. It warms your chest for a moment, but the pit inside you is not so easily gotten rid of.

Your nails scrape against each other, breaking while you pick at one of your index fingers. “I think I have like... this fear of men. Fear of something.”

Connor’s led goes yellow.

“Androphobia, also known as the fear of male presences, affects nearly one third of the current female population.”

Connor watches you continue to pick at your nails. The memory of you standing at the door step, shivering like a kitten, drowning in the rain water stays on his mind. “Is this what you think you have, Y/N?” he asks, though this time it’s far more soft.

It sounds like he really cares.

You look up to him, your eyes glossing over from stress and the incoming wave of tears you can feel in the back of your throat.

“I can assure you, Doctor L/N, you are safe here,” Connor continues, holding eye contact as he speaks. “I won’t let any kind of harm get to you.”

The tears in your eyes seem less violent now. Like they’re disappearing already. And that’s how the story ends, in fact. With you, looking up at Connor, seated on Hank’s couch with your hair dripping around you- him promising not to hurt you. It ends on the silence that follows, right between the stare the two of you share.

  * ✭ ˚ ✧* ･ﾟ * ✭ ˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ  *

This is the first thing I’ve proof read. Also one of the longest things I’ve written somehow? It was fun. I apologize for any mistakes as English is not my first language.

[saiilorstars]

Falling in Temptation

Previous chapters • Sequel to Stars Dance •  Fairy Tale Memoirs (Companion story)

Ch. 19:  The Heist

Fandom: Doctor Who // Pairing: 11th Doctor x Female OC

Chapter summary: When Avalon is well done with her lockdown in the TARDIS, she manages to rope in the traveling gang for an old fashion heist!

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel​ [If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message!]

"NO! I SAID NO! STOP IT!"

The Doctor burst into Avalon's room just as she woke up from her nightmare. Avalon sat upright with a jolt and cried without actual tears. It was more fear than actual tears she felt.

The Doctor rushed forwards and climbed on the bed. "Ava! You're awake now! It's okay!" Her breathing was jagged but once she saw him she realized he was right. She was in her room. She was safe in her room and not with Kovarian.

"There we are..." the Doctor gently pushed some hair out of her face. Her hair was a bit damp from the sweat that'd collected during her nightmare. "Safe and sound, okay?"

Once Avalon was fully awake she let out a frustrated groan and angrily kicked the sheets off her. "Not again! Dammit!"

The Doctor would've liked to stop her but why bother? There wasn't a lot to do to release that frustration so if she wanted to throw off the covers, she could. He only helped take the covers off in the when she started to tear up because they got tangled around her left ankle.

"I can't do anything right!" She buried her face into her hands.

"Ava, c'mon," the Doctor gently pried her hands off her skin and kept them both in his own hands. "What was it this time?"

Avalon groaned. "Kovarian had me again. But like... I think this was a new room. I can't really remember it that well. It was like a...a library of some sort? She was there...and the Silence...and more people but I can't remember them. I just know that I was pretty scared and sad."

"It's okay," the Doctor scooted closer to hug her. "If the memories come back then okay but we don't have to force them either."

Avalon remembered only fragments of her time with Kovarian and they mostly showed up in nightmares, like tonight. The Doctor made himself readily available when it so happened that Avalon chose to sleep. Every once in a while she would wake up screaming because she thought she was back with Kovarian. The sight of her in that state broke the Doctor's hearts. How he wished he could take it all away but it was clear that even a memory wipe wasn't enough to make the horrible memories disappear. Kovarian no doubt made it a thorough memory wipe but even then Avalon's unique brain didn't take it.

"Can you stay with me please?" Avalon whispered the question so frailly that the Doctor almost missed it.

"Of course," the Doctor smiled against her hair. It wouldn't be the first time he stayed with her after a nightmare until she fell asleep again.

"But like...like stay with me?" She raised her head off his chest and showed him her best sad eyes. "Until I wake up?"

"Oh I know it must be boring but...you're the one who saves me in my dreams. I'd feel a lot better if you were right next to me in real life too."

"I can't argue with your logic," the Doctor said. Avalon rolled her eyes at his smugness. "For my Ava, I'll do anything to make her feel better."

"Never has there been a truer statement said," Avalon sighed contently. "You do everything you can for me."

"I don't know about that..." the Doctor mumbled. He did try but it didn't mean he was successful at it.

"I do," Avalon watched him kick his shoes off. She had a strict rule about her perfectly white sparkly duvet covers not being soiled with dirt. It took only one lecture for that lesson to stick. "You're my Fairy Tale Man. You always save me."

"I try-"

"You do," she insisted. She reached to undo his bowtie, thinking it'd be too uncomfortable to lie down with.

The Doctor watched her easily maneuver the strings. She'd taken custom of undoing his bowtie every once in a while and he learned fast that he loved the feeling of her soft fingers touching his skin. Sometimes it wasn't even the bowtie she was aiming for, she just liked touching him. It was something intimate but not sexual, more gentle and...loving?

"There we are," Avalon handed him the the bowtie. "Wanna keep that in your pockets, right? Bigger on the inside?" God forbid one of those ever got lost. He'd go crazy for sure.

"You should sleep, c'mon," the Doctor scooted slightly so they could both lay down.

Avalon immediately scooted her body the amount the Doctor had pulled away. "I'm not sure I can sleep now."

"You're making me stay still, you're going to sleep."

Avalon laughed. "Fair enough." She snuggled up to him and practically pulled his arm over her waist. "That's better. Now I know for sure that I won't have another nightmare, not when my Fairy Tale Man is holding me."

"The trust you have in me is beyond me," the Doctor admitted with genuine guilt lacing his words.

"Oh shush. You have got to stop blaming yourself for everything bad that happens to people around you. That's what gives Kovarian fuel to her cause."

"How do you mean?"

Avalon sighed and tilted her head up at him. She'd been wondering when it would be the right time to tell him the fact that she knew about his previous companions and all the battles he'd been a part of; that Kovarian had forced her to learn everything. Maybe now is as good a time as ever...

The Doctor could see the struggle in her eyes and assumed it was yet another thing Kovarian caused. "Ava? You can tell me."

"...I'm afraid of how you'll react."

A ripple of anger flourished through the Doctor's body as he thought of what Kovarian told Avalon to make her fear telling him something. Despite his moral code, he was sure that if he ever saw that woman again...he'd kill her. And yet, as he passed a hand over Avalon's hair he did it so gently that Avalon could never guess the dark thoughts that were running through his mind right now. "You can tell me anything, Ava. You can always tell me anything." Avalon closed her eyes when she felt his lips press against her temple.

"I...I know about things...from your past..." she had spoken so quietly she wondered if he managed to hear her words. When he didn't respond, she tilted her head up again. He was still but there was a clear fear etched across his face. Now he was afraid.

"What-what kind of things?" his voice had fallen to a similar volume as Avalon's whisper.

"Kovarian made me learn about some of your previous, most recent, battles from your past. She thought that it would help brainwash me if she taught me the 'truth' about you."

"Oh..." the Doctor couldn't find a place to glue to his gaze to. His hearts were beginning to hammer under his chest just thinking what Avalon knew. This wouldn't be happening if you'd had the courage to tell her yourself, he snapped at himself.

He'd been focused on the happy, kissing times and actively ignoring the darkness that followed him. He was foolish to think that he could keep the blissful bubble around them forever. Sooner or later, Avalon would learn his past.

Avalon's hand slid from his chest up to his cheek. She could only guess what was going on in that big head of his. That's what Kovarian wanted. She wanted him to be guilty and ashamed because when he did feel those things, he would either let himself be killed or do the job for them.

"I understand it wasn't your fault," she assured him.

"What do you know?" the Doctor found his courage but he wasn't sure if he could hold onto it as she answered.

"I know about the Reality Bomb the Daleks built and how the walls of the universe were breaking down. One of your old companions, Rose Tyler, inadvertently helped break the walls when she was trying to get back to you. I know that the Daleks made you see how changed your companions were because of you." Avalon watched his face sink as she told him everything about the Crucible. She hated the way he couldn't look at her out of shame.

"I had to do it..." he weakly argued when Avalon reached to the point of Donna Noble's memory wipe. He swallowed hard just remembering the way Donna had cried and begged him not to take her memories. "I ruined her life...like I ruined everyone else's."

"You didn't ruin them, you changed their lives," Avalon flinched at his hard scoff. He pulled his arms from her body and moved away from her. She immediately missed his warmth but even as she tried to reach for his arm, he made himself scoot to the edge of the bed.

"Tell me what else you know," he instructed her, his voice cool yet she didn't miss the sharpness in it. There was no choice of keeping everything back.

With a sigh, Avalon went back to talk about the year that never was. As soon as she mentioned the Master, the Doctor's entire body flinched. His horrified expression told her she should've never learned about him. It made it all the more difficult to keep going. "I know about the...the Toclafane? I think that's what they were called. A lot of people died but I also know that it never happened. No one died." She then switched gears to the Battle of Canary Wharf. "I-I remember that the Cybermen...the robots...they were everywhere. And the Daleks. Kovarian showed me the pictures of the aftermath. That's how I remembered it better. So many people died..."

"And I was at the middle of it," the Doctor muttered. "I was the reason. I couldn't save everyone. Kovarian was right. I got up and left afterwards."

Avalon pursed her lips together. "You didn't do it on purpose. It's what happened when you crashed into Amy's garden."

"Avalon I know who I am. I know that I do change people. I mean, I changed Rose so much that she accidentally helped Daleks because she wanted to cross worlds. I did that on accident. Imagine the times where I've legitimately manipulated people to change."

Avalon lowered her gaze. She couldn't take his eyes the way they were, all dark and full of hatred for himself. "This is what Kovarian wants, you know. She wants you to hate yourself-"

"Oh she's a bit late at that, love. I hated myself long before she came about. Is this what she showed you, then? She wanted you to hate me as much as I hate myself."

"But I don't hate you," Avalon once again tried touching him but he got up from the bed altogether.

"Avalon, I would appreciate if you were honest here."

"I am being honest-"

"Avalon!" he snapped, startling her. Her blue eyes widened and blinked fast. "Sorry," he apologized. The last thing she deserved was to be yelled at. She should be yelling at him. "It's important to me, okay? Did learning these things make you think differently about me?"

Avalon swallowed hard. "If you want the truth? Yes...I was a little scared." She felt a twinge of guilt in her stomach when she saw the look of horror on the Doctor's face. "But you know that I'm not afraid of you. Would I be here if I was afraid? No. Right? It was a natural response given everything Kovarian showed me. I saw people dead but I never once blamed you. I am simply aware of the reality that you unfortunately have been in. I am so sorry you've endured all that. Nobody should ever have to."

"Kovarian showed you all that - a minuscule part of my horrors by the way - so you would join them, because she knows how dangerous I am. But that's not everything, why talk about my friends from the past? No," the Doctor almost stormed to Avalon's side. "Why? What could she want from that?"

"Oh Doctor, it's not relevant." Avalon turned her head away too fast for him to believe that was true.

"You look like it bothered you, or scared you. " He brought her gaze back with a finger under her chin. "What else happened, Avalon?"

The Doctor's eyes begged her to answer, for him. He needed to know how much they told her about him, how badly she would be scared of him. Avalon couldn't take it.

"She said you would leave me behind like you did with the others," she whispered. "You would change me, like you changed the others, and that you would leave me, Amy and Rory behind. We'd become more names to your list."

"Oh Ava..." the Doctor's eyes softened, his hands cupping her face, "I wouldn't...I couldn't! Not you!"

Avalon leaned into his touch. "She was so hellbent on making me change my mind about you, but I can't. I know what surrounds you, I know that sometimes people do change around you but they change because of everything they've seen. How could I not change when you've shown me different worlds? How could I not change after everything?"

"You shouldn't have to change, that was Kovarian's point," the Doctor moved to sit on the edge of the bed with Avalon. "Nobody should have to die because of me. If I wasn't around, how many people would be alive right now?"

Avalon held onto one of his hands before he could pull them both away from her face. "How many people would be dead if you hadn't helped them? Or...how many people wouldn't exist because of you?"

The Doctor couldn't help smile at that last bit. "Well...maybe it's not all that bad. I got you after everything. I got my Ava."

"And I want to be here for a very long time," she promised him. "I know the truth, Doctor, but it's not the distorted one you and Kovarian have. Believe me." She moved herself so she could hug him.

I wish I could, the Doctor silently thought. He held Avalon for as long as she wanted, but there was still a part of him that wondered if she wasn't just a little bit afraid of him after seeing the mass chaos he'd caused in the past.

~0~

"I'm bored! I am so bored!" Avalon dramatically walked around the console room, stopping between Amy and Rory. "Please, can we go out?" She threw her head back, squeezing her eyes shut. "Please?"

The couple shared the same irritated faces and even answered at the same time, "No!"

Avalon groaned and walked away from them. "But I'm bored! It's been weeks without going out! I'ts not fair! I got dressed and everything!" And she was pretty sure that she looked damn good for a day out. She'd rummaged through her closet and found a white wrap top with three-quarter puffy sleeves that she adored. She paired with light blue jeans and a pair of brown ankle-length boots.

"Jeez, you're worse than the Sapling and he's a child," Amy made sure to remind loud and clear so that Avalon would drop her games.

"Oh c'mon!" Avalon stomped her foot, making it clear that she would not be desisting anytime soon. "It's been months since I got back and I'm pretty sure my health is back to normal!"

"It'll never be normal again," Rory frowned but Avalon shushed him.

"If you're not on my side, don't help! C'mon guys!"

"Why are you even bothering us about this?" Amy threw her hands in the air and turned away. She loved Avalon, she did, but sometimes she got on her nerves. Right now was one of those times. "We're not the ones in charge of the TARDIS!"

"Course not, I am," the Doctor came in with the Sapling. "Why are we discussing who's in charge?"

"Doctor, I'm bored!" Avalon exclaimed. "Can we please go out?"

"Oh, I'd love to go out," the Sapling closed the book he was holding and excitedly turned to the Doctor. "Can we?"

"Avalon, why do you do that?" the Doctor sighed with annoyance. "You know hearing you say that makes him want to go out too."

"Really? Didn't know that..." Avalon failed to hide her knowing smile. This wasn't the first time she was asking to go out so she'd began to think of some tricks. "C'mon, it's been weeks since we went to Leadworth. I'm okay now!"

"Because you've been under constant watch," the Doctor reminded her. He was truthfully afraid of taking her out somewhere not sterilized. She was correct about her health - she'd been okay lately and her health was almost that of a regular human's - but it still didn't make the Doctor any less nervous. "I don't think it's a good idea." Needless to say, Avalon wasn't happy with his words. A deep scowl marked her face while he played casual and took the Sapling's book. "Here, why don't you read it? Seems like your kind of thing anyways." He held the book at her for a second before she snatched it from his hands.

"History of Jewels?" she read the title with an unimpressed look. "Seriously? You want me to read this?"

"I learned a lot from it!" the Sapling exclaimed happily. "I like the Fire stone best! What was its proper name, Father?"

"The Ignis Jewel," the Doctor tapped the top of the Sapling's head, making the tree child giggle. "It's actually quite impressive! You should read about it!" He told Avalon who responded with a groan.

"You're bored too," she watched him carefully avoid looking at her when he crossed the room to come up to the console. Ever since she told him that she knew about some of his past, he'd been so weird with her. She should've seen it coming though. As if the Doctor could ever let it all just go. The only thing Avalon hadn't worked out yet was how to get him to move on from it. And he certainly wasn't helping when he kept pissing her off.

"Doesn't matter what I think," the Doctor said from his newest spot away from her.

"Aha!" Avalon whirled around with a finger pointed at the Doctor. "So you are bored!"

"He just said it doesn't matter, Avalon," Rory said before the Doctor could answer. He moved around the ginger and tapped the cover of the book she was holding. "Why don't you go read instead? You love doing it anyways."

Avalon rolled her eyes. "You guys are so mean!" She stomped her way out of the room, leaving the group to hear her stomps getting father and farther.

"Sapling, why don't you go make sure she reads the book?" the Doctor asked, thinking that if the Sapling was around Avalon she would hopefully simmer down.

"Okay!" the Sapling turned and ran after his Mother.

"She is so bored," Amy shook her head.

"I hadn't noticed," the Doctor sarcastically said.

"Would it be so bad if we just went out for a little bit?" As soon as Amy asked the question, she had her husband on her.

"It's too dangerous! She's not ready for that!" Rory was almost shouting so Amy planted a hand over his mouth.

"Do you want Avalon to come back!?"

Rory pushed her hand off his mouth and continued on but with a much quieter voice. "She's not ready to go out."

"Yeah, but she makes a point. How do we know when she's ready if we never let her go out?" Amy folded her arms and waited for somebody to give her the answer. She smirked at the silence that followed. "Exactly. Doctor, she did stay in Leadworth for a few days and nothing happened. How come we can't try something else just for a little bit?"

"Because what if it goes wrong?" the Doctor didn't hesitate to respond with. Unfortunately, he forgot he was dealing with Amy Pond.

"What if nothing happens?" she counted and walked up to him. "Look Doctor, I get that we're all worried about Avalon's new health situation but we can't actually keep her locked away forever. She likes Rapunzel but she will hurt us all if she stays here another day!" Amy looked between the Doctor and Rory while she waited for either of them to make a comeback. Of course, none of them did. "So, where should we go?"

~ 0 ~

Avalon was quietly reading through the History of Jewels with the Sapling next to her. Since he had already read the book with the Doctor, he was giving Avalon the most important pages he thought she would like. The Doctor had been right: the Sapling's presence did semi-simmer Avalon's anger.

Neither of them noticed the others walking into the media room until the Doctor cleared his throat. He was leading Amy and Rory in and came to a stop beside Avalon's side of the couch. "Ava...?"

"Hmm," she hummed and pretended to keep reading.

"Right, well, we've been talking about it and...maybe you're right. You should have the opportunity to start travelling again." The Doctor didn't want to say that he was expecting Avalon to jump from the couch with excitement but...he did expect it. So when Avalon merely turned the page of her book, he became worried that her anger had worsened.

"Avalon, didn't you hear?" Rory called. "We're going to take you out like you wanted."

Avalon exchanged a secret glance with the Sapling. Both of them smirked.

"Avalon?" Amy asked.

"I have to thank you, Doctor, for making me read this thing," Avalon began to turn the pages of her book. "And the Sapling showed me his favorite jewel, the Ignis Jewel?" She got up from the couch and held the open book for them all to see. "Interesting thing about it is how it was stolen from a civilization and then placed in some elegant museum for other aliens to see."

"Yeah, so?" the Doctor tried taking the book from her but she slammed it shut, nearly getting his fingers had he not flinched away in time. Soon as he saw her mischievous grin, he dreaded what was to come.

"I know what I want to do today! I want to heist!"

"You want to what!?" Both Amy and Rory simultaneously yelled.

Avalon laughed and turned away, swaying with her book to her chest. "Doesn't it sound like fun!? A heist!"

"Yes! Yes!" the Sapling clapped on the couch. "I want to heist too!"

"No, no, there will be no heisting of any kind!" the Doctor wagged a finger at her that she did not see. "Why would you get an idea like that!?"

"Because of your stupid lockdown!" Avalon turned around, her grin momentarily replaced with an angry scowl. "Do you know how many TV series I've binge-watched in these past months?"

"Well..."

"FIFTY!"

"Okay, fifty..." the Doctor made a face and mouthed the number at Amy and Rory. They both nodded their heads in confirmation, making him do another face. Alright, that could drive him crazy too. It would, the voice in his head declared.

"The TARDIS was kind enough to give me series that haven't come out yet on Earth and it showed me one called Brooklyn-99! And guess what they do every year?" Avalon didn't wait for any of them to guess, she blurted the answer out in pure excitement. "They heist! They literally heist and that's what we're going to do today!"

"Avalon Harmony Reynolds you cannot be serious," Amy sternly looked at her granddaughter, wanting both to laugh and shake the girl.

But Avalon was so excited that she didn't even bat an eye at the fact Amy used her middle name that she hated. "I am so serious! Here!" she chucked the book at the trio, making them all scramble to catch it before it hit them. "Check it out!" she told them once Rory held the book between Amy and the Doctor. "It says the Ignis Jewel was stolen from a primitive civilization that would use the jewel to start fires. The jewel ensures fire. If it stays on the ground longer than a minute, it'll start a fire."

"Isn't it cool!?" the Sapling got on his knees on the couch, scooting himself to the armrest next to Avalon.

"Yes, but what's not cool is how these museum chains took it just so other people can come and look at it! It's literally sitting on a pedestal under glass!"

"Okay, okay, I get that it's been stolen but us stealing it back doesn't make us any better," the Doctor said, though there was a glint in his eyes that Avalon saw. He was so interested, he wouldn't be able to deny it for much longer.

"Except when we take it back, we can return it to its proper place!" Avalon grinned. "We'd be like Robin Hood! And we can make a wager if that'll make things more interesting."

"We're not doing this," Rory closed the book but he was mighty surprised when he heard Amy go "Weeeelll..." His head snapped in her direction. "Amy!"

"I don't know, knowing that it's already been stolen and we'd just be taking it back..." Amy shrugged her shoulders and mumbled, very lowly, her next words, "...sounds kinda fun..."

"Amy!"

"Yay!" Avalon clapped her hands. "Amy's on my team!"

"What - no! There'll be no teams because there'll be no heist! Doctor!" Rory whacked the Time Lord's arm to get his support. "Tell her!" Silence. Rory blinked and turned to the Doctor. "Doctor? Tell her!"

The Doctor cocked his head to the side, one eye squeezing shut. "I'm thinking..."

"What!? There's no thinking!"

"I'm looking at the possible consequences-"

"DOCTOR!"

"He's in!" Avalon waved the two men off and high-fived with the Sapling. "I told you we could do it!"

Rory slapped a hand over his face. "I can't believe this is seriously happening."

"Better believe it Rory Williams!" Avalon laughed so joyfully that for a moment, the trio forgot about their concerns for this crazy idea. Avalon hopped on the couch with the Sapling and together they clapped. "We are heisting!"

"Stomp jumping on the couch," Amy scolded them before they fell. The pair immediately let themselves fall on the couch into a sitting position.

Avalon flipped her head in their direction, her smirk back on her face. "So then, let's get the teams together."

~ 0 ~

"Knock-knock!" Avalon tapped a knuckle against River's cell, startling the brunette for a second. "Hi River!"

"What are you doing here?" River got up from her bed and hurried up to the gate. "You're not sneaking out again are you?"

"Oh great so the last version I met isn't that far from this you?"

"Somewhat, that was a month ago for me. Where are you right now?"

"Um, well, sort of getting back on my feet. Oh! I did have my first reading in Leadworth - have you gone to that?"

"No..." River eyed her strangely which only confirmed her answer.

"Oh, well, you're invited to my first public reading in Leadworth, October 21st, 2011 at 11:00 AM."

"Duly noted," River hurried back to her bed to jot the date down in her journal. She wouldn't miss that for anything! Her daughter's first public reading? Her heart swelled with pride just thinking about it. "So, what are you doing right now then?"

"Welll..." Avalon swayed her head, missing the way River smirked at her.

"What are you up to, young lady?" These were rare moments where River could sneak in a little bit of motherhood on Avalon without her suspecting.

"We are heisting today!"

Bemused, River stopped writing in her journal. "You're what?"

"We're heisting! And I want you to be on my team!"

River had to laugh. She finished writing the date down in her journal then came back to the cell bars. "Avalon Harmony Reynolds, what are you doing?"

"There's this thing called the Ignis Jewel that's been stolen and placed in a museum so I thought we should pull a heist and steal it back! We'll give it back to its rightful owners!"

"Why on Earth would you want to do something like that?"

"...because I'm bored," Avalon answered with a straight face, only making River laugh again. "I've been locked away for months now with only Leadworth. I was promised stars and planets and I am ready to come back!"

"And the Doctor actually agreed to this?" River asked fully knowing that the man would agree to anything that Avalon asked to.

"Course he did," Avalon shrugged. "He's bored too. So what do you say? Want help me steal something and make sure the Doctor loses?"

The same smirk that'd been on Avalon's face earlier was now on River's. "Always."

~ 0 ~

"Alright," the Doctor announced as he unrolled the schematics of the museum they would shortly arrive at. He pressed the paper against a large table in the TARDIS library for them all to see. "So the Bijou Museum is three-story building with roughly about 10 rooms on each floor. What we're looking for is on the third floor right there!" His finger tapped the small square nearing the middle from their right side. "Each room has their own security feed but, as per rules, I will disable them upon our arrival. Can't have us getting caught before we even steal the damn thing."

"Right, because that would be wrong," Rory said with a sigh of irritation. No one had listened to him about how ridiculous this whole thing was. He should've known that his daughter would of course agree with the entire stunt. River was just as excited as Avalon! Shocker.

"Oh shush," Amy bumped his shoulder with more or less the same excitement as River and Avalon. "It might be fun. I've never stolen anything."

"To be clear," the Doctor cleared his throat and raised a finger in the air. "We are not stealing this, we are retrieving it for a civilization who deserves to get it back." As he finished his clarification, his eyes landed on the Sapling. He didn't want his tree child to get the wrong idea that stealing was okay if you were bored. "We are not stealing."

"Right, we're heisting," Avalon moved around the table so she was across from the Doctor. "Totally different."

"It's really not," Rory mumbled but yelped when Amy jabbed her elbow into his side.

"We're doing something good," the Sapling chimed in to help his parents. They were so excited and he was too!

"Oh father," River shook her head. "Lighten up. It'll be fun. So, the cameras will be off?"

The Doctor nodded. "Yeah. I'll just make it so the screens show the same thing on a loop."

"And nobody will notice that it's a loop?"

Avalon snorted. "Please. They're probably bored to death up in that security room. I bet they're so good at solitaire."

"These are alien security guards, Ava," Rory pointed out. "They don't even know solitaire."

"Actually," River swayed her head. "That's what most of the boys play at home."

"Please, don't help."

River smirked.

"Right then!" the Doctor said to keep things moving. "So we'll have about two hours to pull the heist before the cameras start showing the live feed again. In two hours, we all need to be back in the TARDIS no matter what." His eyes reluctantly found Avalon's. For the life of him he just couldn't face her. Each time he did, he remembered that she knew more about him than he ever wanted her to. The shame and guilt were just inevitable. "Whether or not we have the Ignis Jewel, we all need to come back."

Avalon gave a firm nod. "I understand. Thanks for doing this though." This time the Doctor nodded slightly and quickly looked at someone else. The action hurt Avalon more than she would've thought.

River didn't miss it. She made a mental note to look into that later.

"Anything is fair game except for the TARDIS," the Doctor went on as he pulled up a second copy of the schematics from his inside pocket.

"And your sonic," Amy gave him a pointed look. She held her hand out for the infamous sonic. The Doctor reached into his jacket's pocket and pulled out his beloved sonic. "Thank you!" Amy placed it on the table where the TARDIS would take care it until they got back.

"Alright," Avalon clapped her hands together. "Final thing: the wager." Her eyebrows quirked with a smirk on her face. "If my team wins-"

"Which we will," River muttered to Amy who agreed with a hum.

"-then you have to let me and Amy choose where we will go for the next month. And we pick River up each time. No buts about it."

"Fine, but if you lose - which you will - then you have to stay inside the TARDIS for another month." The Doctor planted his hands on the table and leaned forwards, smirking so smugly like he already knew what the outcome of the heist would be. "No buts about it," he mimicked her tone.

Avalon's tongue pressed against her teeth before she finally clicked it. "Fine." She did the same as him and leaned forwards on the table. "But you can't use any sonic of any type! Not even a little sonic pen!"

"Don't have one..." the Doctor faltered for a moment as he realized he'd never actually made one, "Why haven't I thought about that yet? Never mind! No sonic, no TARDIS. However, I'm also going to need River to promise not to use any of her little weapons she has stored."

River opened her mouth to argue but promptly shut it and shrugged. "Yeah, alright. They're all in my cell anyways."

"How do you even get that past the guards?" Avalon genuinely asked with curiosity.

"I'll tell you later," River smirked until she noticed Amy's disapproving look. Her smirk fell and she cleared her throat. "Or maybe not. Probably not."

"So," the Doctor called, "Two hours. No sonics, no weapons, no TARDIS, and no hurting anyone! Me, Rory and the Sapling against Avalon, Amy and River. Any other question?"

"Yes," Avalon leaned just a bit closer over the table, leaving a questionable distance between her face and the Doctor's. "Are you ready to cater to my every desire after you lose?"

The Doctor would've liked to have answered with "I always strive to" when he remembered there were other people in the room. He might have thought of kissing her too - her smirking lips were begging to be kissed - but other people and his own thoughts were forcing him back. Instead, he chose not to answer directly. He reeled away from the table - putting some distance would help him control himself - and turned to the others. "Let's head out, team!"

"Yes! Good luck Mother!" the Sapling scurried around the table to hug Avalon. The ginger, however, was a bit distracted with the Doctor's rash departure from the room but the Sapling tugged on her sleeve to claim her attention in the end. "Mother, good luck!"

Avalon smiled lightly at him. "Don't go getting yourself into trouble."

The Sapling giggled and rushed out of the room with Rory.

Avalon looked at her own team, choosing to focus on the task they had. "Well then ladies, let the heist begin."

~ 0 ~

Avalon, River and Amy decided to scope out the precise room where the Ignius Jewel was on display. The museum was functioning as it normally would, meaning the room was pretty crowded.

Amy noticed that the other displays of gemstones and the artworks against the walls each had their personal crowd of people. "I'm beginning to think that Rory has a point here."

"What do you mean?" Avalon distractedly asked while she and River studied the Ignius' display. It was a normal golden pedestal with a glass box over it. The jewel was tucked on a navy blue pillow. It was fairly easy...or so it appeared.

"There's loads of people!"

"Shhh, Mother," River put a finger over her lips, but Amy rolled her eyes. "Don't go all nervous on us."

"How are we supposed to get this out without getting caught?" Amy folded her arms and gave a nod towards the jewel.

"Well I have a few ideas," Avalon announced, earning two different reactions from the other two. Amy looked rather concerned that she'd already come up with a way to steal something in a crowded room but River seemed intrigued and perhaps a tad impressed that it only took her a few minutes to get ideas.

"Let's hear it," River gave Avalon the floor but made a gesture for the ginger to keep it down.

"Well," Avalon clasped her hands behind her back as she moved to the left side of the pedestal. "First option would be to lift it out of the glass assuming we could disable the alarm system."

"We'd need to get into the security room," River pointed out, not intending on shooting the idea down but only reminding Avalon they'd need to do that step first.

"What?" hissed Amy but neither her daughter nor her granddaughter paid her attention.

"Right. Shouldn't be that hard though, not if we use the right mode of entry," Avalon agreed with River and slowly moved to the other side of the pedestal. "If we're feeling adventurous-"

"Always," River nodded and shared a smirk with Avalon.

"-we could get some rope and climb down from up there," Avalon raised her head at the ceiling. The spot directly above the pedestal was an air vent. "We'd only need to clear out the room-"

"How would we do that!?" Amy once again hissed.

Avalon and River fixed the same stare on Amy. "Wait for lunch hour, duh."

If she could, Amy would have really liked to scold both of them for being so...alike. Without even trying, Avalon and River were too alike in situations like these and that honestly worried Amy for the future. What kind of trouble could these two get into when nobody was around?

"I checked the schedule," Avalon continued with River. "Lunch is in two hours which is just the time limit we have anyways. It'll be our last resort."

"I say we start the easiest way possible," River declared and before either woman could ask her what that way was, she reached inside her jacket's pocket to pull out a familiar tube of red lipstick.

"Oh I bloody love you!" Avalon laughed a bit too loud and got some looks from the other guests.

River's smirk widened. "Let's go ladies!"

~ 0 ~

"Excuse me?" the Doctor had come up to the reception desk on the first floor of the museum. A young brunette woman was working the desk when he arrived. "I was wondering what times are your scheduled tours for the, uh, third floor?"

"Well, you just missed one," the woman said as she stood up from her seat. "But you can catch the next one in twenty minutes. There's actually a pamphlet, hold on…"

"Take your time, take all the time you need…" the Doctor murmured as he watched Rory and the Sapling creep up to the opposite side of the desk.

"Here we are!" the woman exclaimed, raising her head up just as Rory was about to slip into her part of the desk.

"Oh! Why don't you show it to me!?" the Doctor quickly moved the woman to the very edge of the desk. He decided to pull her out of the desk so that they were standing on his side, hunched over the pamphlets. "I have a son, you see, and he's so adamant that we go through the best tours. Care to pinpoint those?"

Once the woman was thoroughly focused on the pamphlet, Rory tried slipping into the desk again. The Sapling remained just at the edge in case anybody happened to stop by, but he had to physically stop himself from giggling at the funny squatted-walking Rory was doing. He couldn't stand up to search the desk so he had to naturally walk with his legs squatting.

He was loving Heists!

Rory was quick to search for what they came for. His hands raked through the drawers until he reached the last one. It would be in that one that he found a ring of keys. He was careful to take them without jingling them and then bolted from the desk altogether. His hearts hammered until he reached the safety of a hallway.

A few minutes later, the Doctor and the Sapling joined him.

"I hate this!" Rory declared as he handed the ring of keys to the Doctor. "I just stole security keys! Don't-" he pointed a warning finger at the Sapling, "-you ever do that, Sapling! Got it!? Don't do what I'm doing! What any of us are doing!"

The Sapling brought his hands to his mouth as he laughed. "I know, grandfather."

"Oh..." Rory nearly lost his balance when he realized just how truly bad this whole thing was. In the Sapling's mind, his mother, his father, his grandmother and his great grandparents were all teaching him how to pull a heist. "Oh, my stomach hurts. My stomach really hurts." Rory pressed a hand against the wall to lean against while his arm wrapped around his stomach.

"Loosen up, Rory!" the Doctor exclaimed as he scanned the hallway for any suspicious actions. So far, no one had seen a thing. "Now then, these keys will let us walk into any room we want."

"But the damn jewel isn't even in a room with a door! Why did we get the keys at all?" Rory asked once he felt air begin to come back to him.

"Because if we have them, then the girls don't! Do keep up, Rory!"

"Yeah!" the Sapling mimicked his Father's tone. "The girls won't be able to lock or open any rooms!"

Rory's face went flat as his eyes flickered between the Sapling and the Doctor. "Oh, you two are so-"

"That is beyond petty," River's voice pulled the trio's attention to the end of the hallway. "I'm impressed, Doctor." The Doctor quickly stuffed the ring of keys into his inside pocket. Avalon and Amy had come up on either side of River. "But it won't be enough to win this."

"I'm going back to the petty part - that was really petty!" Avalon scrunched her face at the Doctor. "Fairy Tale Man, what the hell?"

The Doctor only slightly looked at her before turning away with Rory and the Sapling. "Off we go!" he ushered them off and ran behind them.

Avalon's face went grim for a moment, and even though it was just for one moment River still noticed it, then turned to the women. "So, lipstick, who are we using it on?"

"I was going to use it on whoever was in charge of those keys. I thought the same as the Doctor," River admitted with a sheepish smile. "I know, don't tell me." Avalon chuckled.

"But he got the keys so now what?" asked Amy.

"We move onto the next phase of our plan of course!" River took the lead down the hallway. It was fairly easy maneuvering their way through without being suspected. Nobody suspected three simple women wanting to find the best art piece on that floor.

Eventually, they stopped in front of a less crowded hallway. They would be going into the security room to de-activate the alarms.

"Amy, ready?" River asked.

Amy fervently nodded. "Keep an eye out. Easy-peasy."

River then looked at Avalon. "Ready?" Avalon was more than excited to finally start. River almost laughed and blew their cover. "Right. One, two, three!" She flung the door open and immediately went up to the first of two men.

"Hey! What are you-"

River grabbed the man's collars and yanked him forwards for a kiss. Avalon went straight for the second man and punched him across the face. She quickly swiped the small stun gun from the man's waist.

"Oh, you know you can't keep that," River warned when Avalon turned around. "Part of the rules, remember?"

"This is to stun," Avalon said, chucking it to River. "And you can keep it for now. Is he going to be okay?"

River looked back at the man she'd 'kissed' and nodded her head. "Yeah. He thinks he's dreaming that he's tied up. Hilarious really. And this one," she moved past Avalon to the man she'd knocked out. She smudged her lipstick across the unconscious man's lips. "Should be doing the same when he comes to. Blimey what a hand you've got."

Avalon proudly smiled behind her. "Now we can get the alarms!"

"Yes! They should be pretty visible!"

Avalon turned to the control panel. Her eyes flickered to the dozens of screens playing the loop that the Doctor had preset before arriving. Everything was completely normal to these people. She and River focused on the mess of buttons and and wires sticking out.

"So while we're here, you want to tell me what's going on with you and the Doctor?" River worked swiftly to find the head of the alarms on the screens. So far, she only had the alarms for the first floor.

Avalon had paused working for a moment to throw River a look. "What? How do you know-" She didn't get to finish asking on account of River scoffing loudly. "It is so weird how you do that!"

River laughed. She'd succeeded getting through the alarms for the second floor and now she just needed the third floor. "I always know about you, sweetie."

"Still," Avalon folded her arms over her chest. "So...so you know that he and I...?"

"Are in a relationship?" River only stopped to nod at her then went right back to work. "Of course I do. Can't hide that from me even if you tried."

"And...and you don't...you're okay with that?"

A flicker of confusion crossed River's face at the question. She stopped working again and turned her head in Avalon's way. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know cos...cos you're from the future. I mean, one time Amy even said if you were the Doctor's wife in the future."

"Hasn't said it to this me yet," River said, prompting Avalon to realize the Byzantium hadn't yet happened to this River yet. "And I really hope she never says it to me. That's...that's just..." She shuddered a breath and made Avalon smile out of relief. "Besides, we've talked about this, remember? The reason I know things about him is because I've seen future versions of him, and you! All your future is my past! We're going in the wrong order, sweetie, so of course to you it would look like I just know everything. But the truth is, I don't know everything. You tell me a lot of it, about you and the Doctor. Your future together." River loved watching her daughter's face light up with delight.

"You mean that?" Avalon clearly tried to dial down her happiness and relief but it was a hard thing to do.

"Of course I do! I honestly don't know how you stand that man for more than a few hours! I salute you Avalon, because it can't be easy!"

Avalon laughed for a short moment before a lamenting sigh came through. "Too bad right now we're in a funk. He's upset because I told him that I know about his past, you know the darker parts? He doesn't know how to be around me and...I don't like it. I wish I could sit him down and make him talk to me again but knowing him all I'm gonna get is his silent brooding face."

"You'll have to give him some time, Avalon. Just like you got your space after Berlin. Give him sometime to really think about it and then he'll come to you. Trust me."

For some reason, Avalon could trust River. It wasn't even because River was from the future, something about her always had Avalon more inclined in her favor. Even when the Doctor was completely against River, Avalon always tried defending her and seeing the helpful sides River often brought to their group. Things had always been like that.

~ 0 ~

With the alarms off, the jewel would be easier to take once they came up with the right plan. However, Amy raised the question of how they would make a clear getaway if somebody would immediately notice the jewel was missing.

"We get a decoy," River's tone was blatantly telling her mother this was yet another obvious thing.

"Really?" Amy jutted her hip. "And do you know where we could get a perfect decoy Ignis jewel?"

"Oh!" Avalon gasped when the answer hit her. "The little shop! There's always little gift shops in these places! I bet they sell all sorta of toy versions of the pieces here."

River pointed at Avalon with a proud smirk. "See that, Mother? Avalon's thinking!" Amy rolled her eyes. "Good job Avalon!"

"Thanks. The Doctor always tells me about the stupid gift shops he's spent hours at..." Avalon's smile lessened when she thought about him. She bet that right now, the Doctor wouldn't tell her anything about what he liked.

"Let's go to the gift shop then, see what happens," Amy sighed and rushed off first.

"We need to head to the third floor," River instructed as she and Avalon followed. "Each gift shop probably sells what's on that floor."

They got to elevator quickly and pressed the 3rd floor button. Once they arrived they made a quick down the hallway. Spotting someone familiar, Avalon skidded to a stop near the entrance of the Ignis jewel's room.

"Doctor!" she clung to his arm before he would run off on her.

"What!? Let go!" he frantically exclaimed, assuming this was one of her heist tricks.

"No, listen to me!" Avalon let go only so that he would calm down. "We, uh, we...we took down the alarms."

That sure made him freeze. "What?"

"Just for the 2 hours. They're down."

"Why would you tell me this?"

Because I really like you and I'll basically tell you anything you want. That would've been nice to say out loud. It would've pulled a smug smile from him. Avalon would pretend to hate it when in reality those smiles made her melt for him. "I just wanted to even the playing field. Wouldn't be very fair, right?"

"Right..." the Doctor gave a slow nod. He made to turn back for the room when he realized he hadn't even made sure Avalon's body wasn't reacting to the new environment. With all the heisting and his own issues, he'd forgotten. He could never let that happen. "How are you feeling?"

The corner of Avalon's lips twitched, warning to turn into a smile. He still wants to make sure I'm okay. Of course he would. He hasn't broken up with you and he hasn't stopped being kind. "I'm okay. I'm having a lot of fun so...thanks for doing this."

"Avalon!" River hissed from the other end of the hallway, making Avalon jump in her spot. "Stop cohorting with the enemy!"

"Gotta go!" Avalon quickly said and kissed the Doctor's cheek before running off.

The Doctor stayed put in his spot for a few seconds. Whether he wanted to or not, he smiled after her. He was aware of his rude behavior towards her and yet instead of yelling at him, Avalon did that instead. He just didn't know what to do now that she knew more about his dark past.

"Father, I'm in!" the Sapling's voice rang through an comm. piece in the Doctor's ear.

The Doctor shook himself out of his thoughts and focused on their task. "Right. Be careful Sapling!"

"I know!"

"Oh, and the alarms are off. I repeat: the alarms are off." The Doctor turned back for the room and strode in like any other visitor. He scanned the room and saw Rory pretending to study an art portrait hanging next to the Ignis Jewel.

Check.

He then spotted the current tour guide leading a group of guests around the room.

Check.

"And if you look very closely, you can see that each figure is actually made of dots..." the male tour guide was gesturing to the huge portrait hanging in the opposite side of the room. "It was inspired by the human painter-"

"Georges Seurat," the Doctor cut in, nearly sliding in beside the tour guide. "Marvelous French painter if you asked me. Least that's what I used to tell him."

"You've met a human?" One of the guests in the crowd asked, making it seem novelty despite being humanoid themself.

"Of course. Do some travelling, you see..." the Doctor prepared his longest rambling story that he would tell with extra pauses.

Rory glanced over his shoulder to make sure the crowd was deep into the Doctor's riveting story. They were. Rory turned away from the painting and quietly used his own comm. piece. "Sapling, now."

"Yay!" the Sapling exclaimed. He was up in the air vent waiting for his signal and now that it was, he peered over the vent. It was perfectly above the Ignis' display. He placed a hand over the vent and let his fingers extend into branches.

Rory nervously watched the branches stick against the wall and slowly creep its way down. From his spot, the Doctor made sure the Sapling was heading his branch in the right direction.

"Little bit to the right," he mumbled under his breath and continued with his story for the guests.

"Sorry!" the Sapling tried moving his body around so he could see the display and the wall but the slits of the vent were too narrow.

"You've got it now," Rory assured him. The branches were reaching the top of the display. Despite the Doctor telling them that the alarms were off, the Sapling still hesitated to actually touch the glass display. "C'mon Sapling!"

The branches slipped between the wall and the glass case but now the Sapling would have to sneak under the case for the jewel.

"A little to the right now," Rory instructed while not making it blatantly obvious he was staring at the branches on the wall. "No, no, my right not yours!"

"Sorry!" the Sapling shifted the branch to the right side and started to feel the tip of the cushion. "I feel it! Now I just gotta-"

"Aaaah! What is that!?" A screaming woman had froze the trio in their respective stops.

Rory scrunched his face when he realized a woman had stopped by to see the jewel.

"Thanks Rory," the Doctor groaned lightly before rushing towards them. The crowd was right behind him.

"What is that!?" the woman kept crying and pointing at the branch stuck on the wall.

"It's an infestation!" the Doctor quickly supplied the excuse as quickly as it came to him.

"Sapling, get out of there," Rory hurriedly left the crowd to speak to the child.

"I know! I know!" the Sapling wiggled his arm which in turn made the branch on the wall wiggle as well. He winced when he heard the same woman's scream again.

"Nothing to worry about folks, just a petty infestation," the Doctor said only a few seconds before the Sapling disconnected the piece of branch from his body. He beamed at his regular hand and quickly crawled back through the vents.

Down below, the branch crumbled into pieces...and the same woman still screamed.

~ 0 ~

"Right this way folks," Amy the newest museum tour guide led a group down the hallway, going past the Ignis' room.

"Wait, we're not going into this room?" an elderly humanoid man asked and pointed to the room on their way.

"Not right now. It's at the end of the tour, c'mon," Amy motioned the group to walk faster with her.

Inside the room, River and Avalon were making rounds looking at different artworks separately. There were hardly any people in the room since Amy had taken away the current tour group. Avalon waited near the entrance and as soon as a roaming guard walked in, she loudly coughed. River turned right away from an art piece and made a casual walk in the guard's direction. She purposely went around another jewel pedestal and dropped a red jewel that looked exactly the same as the real Ignis.

Avalon waited for River to be a safe distance away from the guard before gasping loudly. "Oh my goodness! Is that the Ignis jewel!?" At her question, the guard spun around to where she was pointing.

"I think it is!" River agreed and motioned the others in the room come see it.

"But that's impossible!" the guard rushed towards the sight, though because people were spread around the jewel, it was difficult getting through.

Avalon took her opportunity to dash up to the Ignis' display.

"Move! Let me see!" the guard shoved an old woman out of the way, earning himself a colorful response from her. "Sorry, ma'am!"

River poked her head around the crowd to see Avalon lifting the glass display, though it seemed pretty heavy judging by the struggle she was in. Avalon had her entire arms wrapped around the glass case and she lifted with all her might. She was halfway there when they got a lovely call...

"Mother! Hi!" the Sapling's sudden call made Avalon drop the case back in its place. At his call, the group turned away from the jewel and allowed the guard to finally pick it up.

"This is just a gift shop souvenir!" he groaned. "Seriously people?"

River scrunched her face but Avalon stalked her way out of the room, intending on shouting at the Doctor and Rory for sabotaging them. However, only the Sapling was in the hallway.

"Where's your father? Why are you alone!?"

The Sapling chuckled. "Father said he wanted to go to the gift shop and I snuck out. I don't think he's noticed yet-"

"Sapling!" they suddenly heard the Doctor's voice from the end of the hallway. He came zooming out of the store and sticking his head into each room for the Sapling. "Sapl-"

"I'm here, Father!" the Sapling waved his hand.

"Yeah, nice going! And sabotaging by the way!" Avalon shook her head and ushered the Sapling to the Doctor.

"Really?" the Doctor smiled proudly at the Sapling for a moment. "Good job, Sapling."

"I didn't mean to but okay!"

"GO!" Avalon yelled through her gritted teeth and was quite satisfied to see both of them rushing away from her.

~ 0 ~

The trip to the gift shop spawned a device for a purpose that Rory couldn't understand yet. The Doctor tinkered with the makeshift device on their way down the hallway. "Right then, with this we'll be able to grasp the frequency of the glass display. According to the Sapling, Avalon struggled to lift it which means that it has to be pretty strong."

"What - so you were sabotaging them?" Rory threw him and the Sapling a disapproving look.

"No, of course not, but the Sapling had perfect timing!"

The Sapling agreed in a hum. "Mother was trying her best to lift the case but she couldn't. I thought I might help her but then I remembered we were on different teams. Maybe next time I can be on her team!"

Rory's eyes widened. "The next...? No! There won't be anymore heists after this! Doctor, whatever you're thinking, please tell me it'll work so we can finally leave this place?"

"With luck, it will," the Doctor tapped a knuckle against the small beeping device in his hands. He'd found some petty tech souvenirs in the gift shop that he'd torn apart to reconstruct for his needs. It resembled his sonic but it was not his sonic. There were no sonics allowed after all. "And I added a touch of a laser in case it doesn't."

"Why would we need a laser?" Rory dreaded to ask and felt even worse when the Doctor smirked.

A short moment later they were back in the Ignis' room. The Doctor moved to the Ignis' display and discreetly took the scan of the glass. The results concluded that they would need to come up with another way to take the glass off because lifting it would require at least two of them and the Sapling couldn't risk using his branch-like abilities in public.

"Gentlemen, listen very closely..." the Doctor started to whisper their next moves and in the next few minutes, they enacted it.

The Sapling was hopping around the room, taking Rory from one art piece to a pedestal. He excitedly touched one pedestal, immediately instigating the scold of the guard.

"Sorry, he's just so excited," Rory apologized but by then the Sapling had gone to touch an art portrait.

"Hey!" the guard went after him and thus Rory too.

The Doctor pointed his makeshift device at the Ignis' display and shot a thin laser at it. He leaned closer to it, making it seem like he was just getting a better look at it while his hand slowly went in a circular shape. Just one small circle and he could pull it off. But midway through, something in the next room exploded and rocked everyone on their feet.

"What!?" the Doctor spun around, his first thought going to the Sapling and Rory, but they were just as confused as everyone else.

"Avalon?" River came running into the room with Amy at her side.

Avalon! The Doctor dropped his device to the floor and bolted for the women. "Where's my Ava?" He searched around them but, like everyone else, they didn't know what was going on. The Doctor could actually feel the way his hearts started picking up their beats. "Where is she!?"

"I-I don't know! She was supposed to be cutting through the wall-" River tried gesturing to the wall directly behind the Ignis' jewel but she was just as concerned as the Doctor.

"Everybody stay put!" the guard in the room started heading for the entrance. "Nobody move-" But the Doctor was already way ahead of him, literally. "Sir!" the guard called but the Time Lord was out of the room in two seconds. "Sir!"

"What do you think happened?" Amy quietly pulled River to the side while the rest of the guests were ushered together.

"My guess?" River gave Amy a look asking her if she truly wanted to know. Of course Amy did. "My daughter got carried away with her new toy. Now c'mon, we'll have to be in front of the pedestal in a bit and then we'll have to get Rory and the Sapling. We'll need to do a lot of running!"

~ 0 ~

Avalon was crouched in front of a wall, humming the tune of Once Upon a Dream tune to herself as she finished cutting a circle into the wall with a new gun. She had no idea that guards' guns were this powerful. She'd made an explosion a few minutes ago just because she'd accidentally fired it at one of the metal shelves. The shelf had fallen against the wall and pretty much destroyed everything that'd been on it, but everything else in the storage room was fine.

"River and Amy: I hope you're ready," Avalon said once she successfully cut the hole in the wall. It was a small hold that wouldn't be give her away but would still be visible on the other side. She put the gun down on the floor then pulled out another Ignis decoy jewel from her jean's pocket. Her hand squeezed through the hole and was relieved to feel the velvet of the cushion the Ignis jewel was on.

On the other side, River and Amy were standing directly in front of the pedestal. Amy looked over her shoulder and saw Avalon's fingers searching for the jewel.

"She's in," she whispered to River who was keeping her eyes on the guests. The guard had positioned himself at the entrance, not letting anyone come in or go out until the museum figured out what had caused the explosion.

"Good, because we'll be running in five minutes."

"Why five?"

"Because that's when they'll be figuring out we took down the alarms."

"Ah." Amy's eyes found Rory and the Sapling across from them and willed her husband to meet her gaze. She mouthed 'Five minutes and run' to him, hoping it'd be enough to get the point across.

Thankfully, he had.

River discreetly glanced behind them and saw Avalon was puling her hand back through the wall with the Ignis Jewel in hand. "That's my girl," she whispered proudly and continued to look ahead.

Back in the storage room, Avalon had cheered when she pulled her hand out and saw the bright red jewel in her palm. "Avalon Reynolds, you are a genius!" She had just stuck her hand back into the hole when the Doctor burst into the room.

"There you are! Are you okay!?" His sudden entrance and yell had startled Avalon into smacking her head against the wall.

"Doctor, you idiot!" She rubbed her forehead with her free hand.

"What are you doing!?" the Doctor made sure to close the door behind him. The guards were going back and forth trying to discover the origin point of the explosion. It was then that he noticed the fallen shelf in the corner of the room. "And what did you do to that!?"

"Had an accident with that," Avalon nodded her head to the gun sitting beside her. "It's all good, though." She struggled to yank her hand out of the hole again but once she did she cheered. "It's all very good!" She jumped on her feet and turned around with the Ignis Jewel in her hand. "Because I just won this heist!"

"I thought you were hurt," the Doctor sighed but she scoffed at his concern.

"Please!"

"What!?"

"Oh you know what it means! You've barely looked at me ever since I told you what I learned with Kovarian! So don't come running here, telling me that you were concerned! Just acknowledge that you've lost!" She waved the jewel in the air and strode for the door, only for the Doctor to grab her arm and turn her back.

"I always care, Ava! I've just been having trouble accepting that you have a better idea of what I am!"

Avalon shoved his hand off her arm and scowled. "For the last time, I know who you are! You're my Fairy Tale Man and I hate seeing you doubt yourself! I know who I'm dating, alright?" Her anger faded to be replaced with a soft sigh. Her lips curved into a near pout. "And I really miss his hugs and his kisses..."

The Doctor's shoulders slumped as his head seemed to lower. "I'm sorry Ava. I'm afraid that this whole blissful bubble is reaching its end and that you're going to be afraid of me. Lots of people are afraid of me...but I don't know what I'd do if you were afraid of me."

"That's never going to happen," Avalon felt like this would have to be something she would be repeating for a while. That was okay. She knew that a few months ago she was in constant need of reassurance. It was her turn to be there for the Doctor and she would be. "I need my Fairy Tale Man right next to me..." She took the needed steps to leave them face-to-face. "And if he needs me to tell him every morning, every afternoon, every night I'll do it." Her free hand came to stroke his cheek. "I'll be there."

The Doctor smiled down at her. "Even if he's an idiot?"

"Yeah, I think it's a cute look on him..." Avalon smirked at his reddened face. She laughed and kissed him, muffling her own laugh.

It was true what Avalon had said. The Doctor had only just now realized it'd been too long without a kiss between them and now that he had her with him, he would be making up for lost time. He passed a hand under her chin, lifting her head up slightly more. It gave a much better angle for a rougher, faster kiss. Avalon brought her arms over his shoulders, never realizing that she'd let go of the Ignis jewel. Neither heard it clink against the floor and roll a few feet away from them.

Avalon forgot the Heist altogether when the Doctor hoisted her up. He hadn't yet done that and she wasn't complaining one bit. She wrapped her legs around his waist and met his lips again for a continuation. The Doctor's hand gone up to the back of her neck and firmly pressed her against his body. He couldn't get enough of her right now. Her sweet lavender scent, on a normal day, was simply wonderful but right now it was intoxicating. He left her lips - something Avalon deeply groaned for - but she got over it when she felt his hot kisses on the side of her neck.

She moaned and tilted her head in the opposite direction, giving him an easier access to her sweet skin. He had only started a few seconds ago and he was already settling in the crook of her neck, a spot he'd come to learn was one of the spots for Avalon. He gently bit down and smirked when she automatically gasped. He felt her fingers grasp the back of his hair, an extra treat for him for being oh-so-kind to her.

"More, more," she patted the nape of his neck, letting her eyes fall shut.

"More?" he taunted with a soft kiss on the same spot.

She groaned at it, making him laugh. "Not funny! Don't start what you're not going to finish you tease!"

The Doctor bit the same spot again, harder than the previous time, and heard her moan for him. He continued his series of kisses afterwards, bouncing her bit to keep her steady between his arms.

Avalon laughed when his lips once again attached themselves to her neck. Seems like he found his favorite spot, she realized and once he started leaving new hot kisses on her clavicle then nearer to her throat and finally lower...she realized it was her favorite spot too. He was outlining the v-neck of her blouse but had distinctly heard her moans louder when he went straight down her throat. She was right, he was a tease and he was enjoying every minute of it. She eventually got frustrated that he'd forgotten about her lips for a while so she raised his head. "I'm up here my love." She dove down for a kiss, quickening it within seconds.

Neither of them noticed the steam that was beginning to rise from the Ignis jewel on the floor...but they flinched when the sprinklers went off. All the rooms had suddenly fired its sprinklers on.

Their lips reluctantly, and slowly, disconnected as they both turned their heads up to the sprinklers.

"I thought we disabled the alarms...?" Avalon made a face at them, though she had to look down from to avoid the pelting of cold water in her eyes.

"Fire system is a different system," the Doctor said distractedly.

"But why would they go off...?"

Their eyes simultaneously widened at each other when they remembered. "The Ignis Jewel!"

The Doctor let Avalon down and both turned their attention to the steaming jewel on the floor. "It wants to burst into fire but the sprinklers are disabling it. We gotta get it out of here." The Doctor ran towards it only for Avalon to scream "NO!" and jumped on his back. "AVA!" The Doctor shouted at her.

"It's mine! I had it first!" She exclaimed, keeping her arms tightly around his neck.

"Avalon, get the hell off of me! I'm trying to bring it back to the TARDIS!" the Doctor tried prying her hands off him but she was strongly holding them together.

"Yeah, and bring it into the TARDIS first! I know that you're trying to trick me! You bring it in and you win the heist!"

Maybe I am, he silently thought. She was just too smart. "Fine! But it's fair game!"

"IT'S MINE!"

The Doctor spun around twice before finally pushing Avalon off his back. He winced when he heard her hit the ground with a loud thud. "Ava!" He turned around just as she groaned.

"Ow..." She scrunched her face in pain.

"Avalon, I am so sorry!" the Doctor reached to help her stand up. She took his hand but the moment she had a tight grip on him, she yanked him down to the ground beside her. "Uff!" the Doctor felt his back connect with the floor in two seconds flat. He heard Avalon's teasing giggle beside him and turned his head to see her looking at him with the biggest smile on her face. She was looking incredibly beautiful right now despite the water soaking them wet. Her ginger curls were sticking to her face, but her blue eyes were shining with mirth. It was as if somebody had pressed the rewind button and they were back to a time before the Silence and Kovarian had struck. They were traveling together while Amy and Rory were honeymooning. It was just him and Avalon, exploring and pulling shenanigans like this. The Doctor admitted to himself that he could see a life like this with Avalon, only with Avalon because he lo...

Oh God. I love her. The Doctor felt his hearts stop while he caught up to his own thoughts. He loved her. He loved Avalon. He loved the wild, unpredictable, passionate writer that was Avalon Reynolds. He loved her sweet self, her kind eyes and warm heart...he loved her temper and her challenging personality.

"Gotcha!" Avalon giggled again as she bopped his nose.

The Doctor grabbed her hand before it could leave his face and kept their fingers intertwined. This is my girl, he realized with his swelling hearts. He couldn't imagine himself being with anyone else but her. Only Avalon would pull this kind of stuff on him, and truth be told it was the same stuff he'd do too. One moment they were passionately snogging and the next...she was jumping on his back and he was spinning around to get her off.

He brought their interlocked hands and kissed Avalon's hand softly. "You got me alright."

Avalon blushed and sat upright. "Yeah?" He nodded and smiled when she leaned down to kiss him again. "You got me too," she whispered and pressed another kiss to his lips. "And I'm...going to get myself first place for this Heist!" She jumped from her spot and swiped the Ignis' jewel off the ground.

"Avalon!" the Doctor cried but a part of him was already laughing by the time he got up.

The ginger ran right past him. "Can't catch me!" she taunted on her way out.

The Doctor smirked after her. "I do love me a good chase!"

Avalon's laugh echoed down the hallways they ran through. And because somebody knew her laughter so well, River was able to catch it from the next room.

"Now Amy!"

"RORY!" Amy yelled before she made a dash with River.

"Sapling!" Rory grabbed the Sapling's hand and ran after the women.

"You can't leave this room!" the guard at the entrance barked but River neatly punched him across the face.

Amy's mouth fell open but River yanked her out of the room. "You just punched that guy!"

"Yes, I did! You're welcome!"

"River!" Rory called once he and the Sapling were behind them in the hallway. "You just punched a guy!"

"You're welcome!" River groaned and picked up her pace. They needed to get out of here fast or else she'd have another charge against her.

The group ran past guards and lingering guests until they reached the first floor. Elevators were down so they had to take the stairs, but with their adrenaline they crossed them in no time. Finally, they saw the TARDIS standing in the basement just like they'd left her earlier.

"I see Mother and Father!" the Sapling exclaimed just as the pair had disappeared into the TARDIS.

"I WIN! I WIN! I WIN!" Avalon was cheering around the console when the group ran inside. "I win the heist!"

"Oh shut up!" the Doctor went after her in a sulk. Soon as he saw the others coming in, he took the TARDIS off. Safe and sound they were, but nobody was safe from Avalon's relentless yelling.

Avalon was dancing around the console, waving the jewel in her hand. "I win the heist! And my dear Doctor lost! I win!"

River laughed and high-fived her daughter. "Good job!"

"Yeah!" Avalon high-fived Amy next. "We won, ladies!" She turned around to the Doctor and smirked. "Did I mention I won?"

"You might have mentioned it once or twice," the Doctor muttered.

"Thank God this is over," Rory exhaled and finally felt his stomach rid itself of those knots. "What was that explosion anyways?"

"That was me! I accidentally fired a shelf," Avalon dismissed the matter with a wave of her hand.

"WHAT-"

"But I won! I won the first heist!"

"First and last," Rory cut in with a stern finger pointed at his granddaughter. "We are never doing this again!"

Avalon's smirk promised something else, though.

"Mother, I'm so happy you won," the Sapling rushed to Avalon's side and hugged her. "But maybe next time I can win!"

Rory groaned, throwing his hands in the air as he turned away. Amy moved over to console her husband.

"Alright, this is truly been a pleasure," River started making her way around the console, switching buttons here and there to set course for Stormcage. "I must get going though."

"No, not yet. You should dry up and get changed," Avalon gestured to River's wet appearance. They were all soaked from the sprinkles. "Can't have you going back all wet and stuff."

"Right," River agreed with a nod. "Give me a second then." She hurried off for the corridors and since the water had been truly cold, Amy and Rory followed seconds later.

"Sapling, you may be made out of bark but please go get dried up too," the Doctor nodded the child towards the hallway.

"Okay! But what are we going to do with the jewel now?"

"Well, we're giving it back to its rightful owners," the Doctor glanced at Avalon to see her agreeing with a nod.

"Yes! And listen Sapling," Avalon stepped up to the Sapling, crouching in front of him. "Uncle Rory was right when he said that we don't steal. What we did today was different, alright? It was fun, but we weren't trying to hurt anyone. I really hope you understand this..."

The Sapling laughed carelessly. "Of course I do! Mother and Father don't hurt people! Heisting was just different but I know that it's not okay to steal."

"That's my boy," Avalon chuckled and kissed the Sapling's cheek. "Now go get dried up!"

"Okay!" the Sapling ran off to find his bedroom.

"He knows, Ava," the Doctor said once they were alone.

"I just don't want him growing up with my irresponsible behavior in him," she sighed. "God knows I was a handful."

"Was?" the Doctor innocently asked and received quite a hard mock glare in return. "You should've seen me back in my day."

"I'd like to learn about it one day," Avalon's eyes gleamed with curiosity. "What was my Fairy Tale Man like when he was a child?"

"Oh, dangerous question..."

"Even then?"

"Yes."

"Oh my..." Avalon laughed shortly then came up to him, a soft smile gracing her soaking face. "Well, when you're ready, I'd love to get to know about those parts of your life. Nine hundred years has to have some nice parts right?"

"...yes," the Doctor nodded slowly. There were plenty of moments he would always cherish from his past. Funny how easily he could forget them when somebody dangled his darker moments in front of him.

Avalon reached around his neck to undo his bowtie, reminding him of the gentle moments he'd missed between them as well. "You should go change too." She picked his left palm up and let his bowtie fall into it. "I'll meet you here in 20 minutes. Maybe 30. This-" she gestured to her wet curls, "-might take a bit more time to tame."

"You still look beautiful as ever," the Doctor passed his hand through her curls. Avalon closed her eyes for a minute and let herself enjoy the touch of his fingers playing with her hair. The Doctor would've loved to play with her hair for hours, but he needed to he responsible. "Go on, love. I don't want you getting a cold. Lower immunity system means you're a lot more susceptible to common illnesses like a cold."

"Right," Avalon sighed with a shrug of her shoulders. She turned to leave but stopped at the stairs. "Oh," she turned back, "And don't worry. I'll be sure to wear this blouse more often."

The Doctor's face went red in an instant, especially when Avalon pushed her hair to one side so he could see the reddened spots on her neck and, shamefully, near her cleavage. He coughed in embarrassment while Avalon laughed.

"I'm a biter too so...expect that the next time," she blew him a kiss and ran off.

My girl alright, the Doctor smiled to himself once he was alone.

Author's Note:

Listen I just KNOW that if Avalon was real she would totally vibe with Brooklyn 99. I even know for a fact that she would love Rosa Diaz. I just do okay? And you just know that it would only be Avalon and the Doctor who would pull heists. It's just so them. But yayayay the Doctor knows that he loves her, when do you think Avalon will realize she loves him too? I loved writing that moment too.

[p3ach3snplums]

                                                      𝐹𝑜𝓇 𝒢𝑜𝑜𝒹

LISTEN ( x )

1. Count on me —Bruno Mars

If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea I'll sail the world to find you If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see I'll be the light to guide you We'll find out what we're made of When we are called to help our friends in need You can count on me like one, two, three I'll be there And I know when I need it, I can count on you like four, three, two And you'll be there 'Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh, yeah

2. For Good  —Wicked Cast

I've heard it said That people come into our lives For a reason Bringing something we must learn And we are led to those Who help us most to grow if we let them And we help them in return Well, I don't know if I believe that's true But I know I'm who I am today Because I knew you Like a comet pulled from orbit As it passes the sun Like a stream that meets a boulder Halfway through the wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better But because I knew you I have been changed for good

3. I´ll Be There For You —The Rembrandts

So no one told you life was gonna be this way Your job's a joke, you're broke Your love life's DOA It's like you're always stuck in second gear When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month Or even your year, bu tI'll be there for you (When the rain starts to pour) I'll be there for you (Like I've been there before) I'll be there for you ('Cause you're there for me too)

4. I´ll Stand By You —The Pretenders

Oh, why you look so sad? Tears are in your eyes Come on and come to me now Don't be ashamed to cry Let me see you through 'Cause I've seen the dark side too When the night falls on you You don't know what to do Nothing you confess Could make me love you less I'll stand by you I'll stand by you Won't let nobody hurt you I'll stand by you

5. You´ve Got A Friend In Me —Randy Newman

You've got a friend in me You've got a friend in me When the road looks rough ahead And you're miles and miles From your nice warm bed You just remember what your old pal said Boy, you've got a friend in me Yeah, you've got a friend in me

6. We´re Going To Be Friends —The White Stripes

Fall is here, hear the yell Back to school, ring the bell Brand new shoes, walking blues Climb the fence, books and pens I can tell that we are going to be friends I can tell that we are going to be friends

7. One Call Away —Charlie Puth

I'm only one call away I'll be there to save the day Superman got nothing on me I'm only one call awayCall me, baby, if you need a friend I just wanna give you love C'mon, c'mon, c'mon Reaching out to you, so take a chance No matter where you go, know you're not alone I'm only one call away

8. True Colors —Cyndi Lauper

You with the sad eyes Don't be discouraged Oh I realize It's hard to take courage In a world full of people You can lose sight of it all And the darkness inside you Can make you feel so small But I see your true colors Shining through I see your true colors And that's why I love you So don't be afraid to let them show Your true colors True colors are beautiful Like a rainbow

9. I´ll Remember —Glee Cast

And I'll remember The strength that you gave me Now that I'm standing on my own I'll remember The way that you saved me I'll remember

10. Darkside —Kelly Clarkson

Everybody's got a dark side Do you love me? Can you love mine? Nobody's a picture perfect But we're worth it You know that we're worth it Will you love me? Even with my dark side?

11. So Will I —Ben Platt

You say, "What if I go crazy?" I say, "That ain't gonna happen" You say, "What if I get lost? I say, "You'll just find your way back" And you say, "What if someone breaks my heart?" I'll put it back together like I do You say, "What if I don't catch the dreams That I've been out there chasing?" "What if when my fears show up,  I'm too afraid to face them?" Well, I can't fight your battles But I sure can hold your hand and promise you That the sky will still be up there And the sun will always shine The stars will keep on fallin' For the ones who wish at night The mountains won't start moving And the rivers won't run dry The world will always be there And so will I

12. Keep Holding On —Avril Lavigne

Keep holding on 'Cause you know we'll make it through We'll make it through Just stay strong 'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you There's nothing you can say, nothing you can do There's no other way when it comes to the truth

13. Oath —Jocelyn Scotfield

Wherever you go, just always remember That you got a home for now and forever And if you get low, just call me whenever This is my oath to you Wherever you go just always remember You're never alone, we're birds of a feather And we'll never change, no matter the weather This is my oath to you

14. Who Says —Selena Gomez

Who says, who says you're not perfect? Who says you're not worth it? Who says you're the only one that's hurting? Trust me, that's the price of beauty Who says you're not pretty? Who says you're not beautiful? Who says?

15. Not While I´m Around —Barba Streisand

Nothing's gonna harm you Not while I'm around Nothing's gonna harm you No sir, not while I'm around Demons are prowling everywhere nowadays I'll send them howling, I don't care, I've got ways No one's gonna hurt you No one's gonna dare Others can desert you Not to worry, whistle I'll be there Demons'll charm you with a smile for a while But in time Nothing can harm you, not while I'm around

16. Umbrella —Rihanna

When the sun shines, we'll shine together Told you I'll be here forever Said I'll always be your friend Took an oath, I'ma stick it out 'til the end Now that it's raining more than ever Know that we'll still have each other You can stand under my umbrella

17. That´s My Girl —Fifth Harmony

You've been down before You've been hurt before You got up before You'll be good to go, good to go Don't ever give up, no no Destiny said it, you got to get up and get it Get mad independent and don't you ever forget it Got some dirt on your shoulder, then let me brush it off for ya If you're feeling me, put your five high That's my girl

18. Most Girls —Hailee Steinfeld

You know some days you feel so good in your own skin But it's okay if you wanna change the body that you came in 'Cause you look greatest when you feel like a damn queen We're all just playing a game in a way, tryna win at life Most girls are smart and strong and beautiful Most girls, work hard, go far, we are unstoppable Most girls, our fight to make every day No two are the same

19. Raise Your Glass —P!nk

So raise your glass if you are wrong In all the right ways All my underdogs We will never be never be, anything but loud And nitty gritty dirty little freaks Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass Just come on and come on and raise your glass

20. Brave —Sarah Bareilles

You can be amazing You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug You can be the outcast Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love Or you can start speaking up Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do When they settle 'neath your skin Kept on the inside and no sunlight Sometimes a shadow wins But I wonder what would happen if you Say what you wanna say And let the words fall out Honestly I wanna see you be brave

21. Hope Ur Ok —Olivia Rodrigo

Does she know how proud I am she was created With the courage to unlearn all of their hatred 

22. 22 —Taylor Swift

It feels like a perfect night To dress up like hipsters And make fun of our exes Ah-ah, ah-ah It feels like a perfect night For breakfast at midnight To fall in love with strangers Ah-ah, ah-ah Yeah, we're happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time It's miserable and magical, oh yeah Tonight's the night when we forget about the deadlines It's time, oh-oh I don't know about you But I'm feeling 22 Everything will be alright if You keep me next to you You don't know about me But I'll bet you want to Everything will be alright if We just keep dancing like we're 22, 22

[terramythos]

TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 29 of 26

Title: The House in the Cerulean Sea (2020)

Author: TJ Klune

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Comedy, Romance, Found Family, LGBT Protagonist, Third-Person 

Rating: 10/10

Date Began: 10/13/2020

Date Finished: 10/18/2020

Linus Baker, a forty-year-old caseworker for the Department in Charge of Magical Youth (DICOMY), lives a solitary and mundane life. But when he’s summoned by Extremely Upper Management and given a top-secret case, everything changes. Linus is sent to the classified Marsyas Island and tasked with investigating an orphanage housing six dangerous magical children-- including the Antichrist. He is to live among the residents for one month, record his observations, and report back to the organization. No more, no less. 

The master of the house, Arthur Parnassus, is a mysterious and enigmatic man. But Linus soon learns that Arthur will do anything to protect his wards. As Linus grows closer to Arthur and the children, a secret from the past and prejudice of the present threaten to destroy the orphanage and their way of life. Linus must decide if he can abandon the world he knows in order to help the ones that need it the most. 

"Fire and ash!” Lucy bellowed as he paced back and forth. “Death and destruction! I, the harbinger of calamity will bring pestilence and plague to the people of this world. The blood of the innocents will sustain me, and you will all fall to your knees in benediction as I am your god.” 

He bowed. 

The children and Mr. Parnassus clapped politely. Theodore chirped and spun in a circle. 

Linus gaped. 

“That was a lovely story, Lucy,” Mr. Parnassus said. “I especially liked your use of metaphors. Keep in mind that pestilence and plague are technically the same thing, so it did get a little repetitious at the end, but other than that, quite impressive. Well done.” 

Minor spoilers and content warning(s) under the cut. 

Content warnings for the book: Semi-detailed discussions of child abuse and trauma. Internalized fatphobia (challenged). Structural discrimination, and hatred/prejudice associated with that, some of it internalized. 

I'm going to have a hard time reviewing this book, because it was so goddamn good I don’t think I’ll do it justice in a few short paragraphs. So here’s the fast version: The House in the Cerulean Sea was a fucking delight to read from the first page. It’s full of genuine humor, magic, and charm, while being just this side of heart-wrenching. Though geared toward adults, it’s the first novel I’ve read in a long time that captures that childlike enthusiasm I used to have when reading a good fantasy book. It takes place in a world with magic (obviously), but it’s 98% character-driven. Both the main plot and the (queer!) romantic subplot are woven together so well that neither feel tacked on or lacking. The found family hit me in the emotions again and again and again. I read books out loud, and I spent the last third of this book struggling because I kept fucking crying and having to take regular breaks before continuing. And then I went through the whole book to find a good quote for this review and ended up fucking crying again. So yeah. 

Ok. Got that off my chest. Usually in these reviews I talk about what I liked and then what didn't work for me or confused me. The good news (?) is I have zero complaints or critiques on this one. So you just get to hear me gushing about it for a while.  

Since this is a character-driven book that’s where I’ll start. Linus Baker, the protagonist, is great. Let me just say I love speculative fiction books starring older characters. At forty, Linus isn’t old, but it feels like the majority of spec fic stars people under thirty. Linus is also a conspicuously ordinary guy; prim and proper to a fault, no magic, oblivious in many ways (including to his own loneliness), but with a hidden sense of justice and protectiveness for people that comes out more and more. His development over the course of the novel and how much he grows to love and care for the other characters is just so good. The writing draws attention to this through repeated phrases and jokes one doesn’t expect to make a comeback (more on that later). Seeing him come out of his shell and stand up for what’s right is cathartic as hell. As a side note, it’s also nice to have a fat protagonist who struggles with his self-image but gets warm affirmation and support from his family and love interest. 

Arthur Parnassus, the deuteragonist and said love interest, is more of an enigma. A lot of his motivation and behavior makes sense once you get his Tragic Backstory (TM), and I think this will be a fun book to reread based on that. I picked up on some of it before the reveal, but not everything. But without spoiling it, I do love seeing an older (mid-forties) father figure who would do literally anything to make sure the children on the island have the care and love they need. Seeing his patient love and acceptance of them tugs my heartstrings. Maybe I’m a bit of a sap. Linus and Arthur’s obvious mutual crush on each other is also really cute, okay. There’s something about older queer people finding love that makes me smile. 

And the children are great too, of course. I really liked each of them and thought they were all unique and interesting. My favorites are probably Lucy the six-year-old Antichrist, Sal the were-Pomeranian (his arc just really hit home for me), and Talia the gnome. They all have such distinct and fun personalities, and seeing them interact is great and often hilarious. I’m not very paternal, but I love seeing children with sad/abusive pasts blossom into their best selves with love, guidance, and support. It’s uh, a little personal. I’d be remiss not to mention Zoe, the resident island sprite, who brings a whole lot of personality and rounds off the group. 

When I say the story is character-driven, I mean it. While a fantasy novel, there’s not any significant violence or action in the story (except for maybe one scene if you squint). The House in the Cerulean Sea is carried by its characters, interactions, and worldbuilding. The humor and inherent charm helps too -- and manages to do so without ever feeling trite. I can’t help but admire that. I was never bored; I honestly enjoyed every page because I liked the characters so much. Not to say there isn’t an overarching conflict with the whole DICOMY thing, but most of the focus is Linus struggling and coming to terms with his discoveries-- about the others and himself, and how he can make a difference on a grand scale. To me that kind of stuff is captivating. And boy does seeing someone find the place they belong get me. As I said, found family is a big thing in this book. 

Aside from that, the writing is just super; it literally had me laughing from the first page. I can’t believe the fucking lemur joke came back at the end, too. But on that subject, I love that this book utilizes recurring jokes and phrases to show Linus’ character development. In particular, “see something, say something” and “don’t you wish you were here?” have VERY specific meanings to Linus at the beginning of the story, and over time transform into the polar opposite. I’m  holding myself back because I don’t want to spoil shit, but if you read it you’ll see what I mean. There’s also a lot of meaningful callbacks to certain dialogue earlier in the story and I eat that kind of stuff up. But even small details, like the early quip about Linus forgetting his umbrella, come back to deliver an emotional gutpunch near the end. So thanks for that, Mr. Klune. 

The book really takes a turn in the second half of the story, which is a tad darker. Avoiding the Actual Spoilers, this is where prejudice and hatred of the outside world become a bigger part of the story. We learn what’s really at stake, and that this wonderful found family in the first half is threatened by a world that hates and fears them. Boy does that shit get emotional REAL quick. Yes the allegory is obvious. No, that’s not a bad thing. Ultimately, The House in the Cerulean Sea becomes a story about love, hope, and change; and boy does that shit strike my gay little heart right where it hurts. 

If you’re looking for a (literal) magical pick-me-up (ignore my comment about crying a whole lot) with INTENSE found family vibes and a side helping of queer mlm romance, dear God read The House in the Cerulean Sea. I don’t think I did it justice in this review; just trust me, it’s real good. My only complaint is that it ends; I want more, damn it! 

[st-crylo]

Rebound

A/N: Hey guys! It’s been forever since I posted a fic here, but I figured now is as good a time as ever! I hope you enjoy this nice highschool au, I’ve been sitting on it for a while! I will be posting this on ao3 as well, so if that’s a medium you prefer to read on, the link is on my masterlist!

Warnings: Infidelity, some minor swearing, tobacco use

Word Count: 6K

Summary: You’re about to start your senior year at Mos Eisley High when your life gets turned around. After receiving an anonymous text, you find that your boyfriend of three years cheated on you. Now, you walk into your senior year, everything different, not knowing what to expect from the school year. However, an old friend of yours, Kylo Ren, walks back into your life, and has an interesting idea for how to get back at your ex...

Masterlist

It was, without a doubt, the worst day of your entire life. As you sat there, surrounded by your friends in the coffee shop you always haunted, you couldn’t take your eyes off of the picture you’d been sent by some unknown person. Horror and despair filled every part of your being as you examined the picture of your boyfriend full on making out with another girl. Your surroundings felt surreal, as if they didn’t exist, as if the only thing that existed in the world was you and the picture, and it was burned into your memory forever. You feared you would see it even with your eyes closed, so you continued to stare, unblinking, at the photo.

“(y/n)?” came Rey’s voice, pulling you away from the screen of your phone as tears started to form in your eyes. Everyone’s eyes were on you as you looked up, and you felt a wave of emotion washing over you as you looked into the faces of each of your friends. You handed the phone to Poe, who was right next to you, bowing your head in your misery as he examined the contents on the screen, trying your damnedest not to let the floodgates spill.

“That prick,” Poe stated before he passed the phone around. Every one of your friends examined the photo, each one letting out their personal outrage over the situation. You, though, you couldn’t even speak. You were frozen in time, your heart feeling an icy pain sweep over it before your phone was handed back to you. Once it was securely in your hand, your vocal chords started working again.

“I’m sorry guys, I have to go home,” you said as you stood up. Finn, who was sitting across the table from you, also stood. 

“I’ll give you a ride home, (y/n),” Finn offered, but you shook your head. You wanted to be alone right now, to wail in sadness on your own, undisturbed by the condolences of others. You wanted to feel every bit of pain you were feeling right now so that when Shawn inevitably came crawling back, you would be able to turn him away with as much hatred as you could muster. 

“I’ll see you guys on Monday,” you said finally before leaving the coffee shop. As you passed the glass doors into the world on the sunny August day, your eyes decided they could no longer hold back, and you wept the entire walk home.

What a way to start senior year, huh?

***

Over the course of the weekend, your phone was blowing up, much like you’d expected. Most of them were from Shawn, apologizing, begging for you to take him back, promising it would never happen again. You didn’t care, though. The calls from him became so incessant, you had to put your phone on do not disturb.

He wasn’t the only one messaging you, though. In the short span of a few hours after you’d received the photo, it seemed that everyone you went to school with knew. 

From DM’s on your instagram to people you hadn’t shared but three words with somehow getting your phone number, you felt you couldn’t even have a moment of peace to escape from the harsh reality that your boyfriend of three years had cheated on you. You almost felt like you were suffocating, with no one giving you air to breathe, or even time to process everything that was going on. It made putting your phone on do not disturb all the easier. 

Unfortunately, despite everything that happened, Monday seemed to come in a flash. As you climbed out of bed after shutting off your alarm, you walked over to the bathroom, staring at your reflection for a few minutes. You looked just as exhausted as you felt, and your depression was clear from the bags under your eyes, not to mention how puffy they still were from all the crying you’d done. Heaving a sigh, you pulled your hair back before brushing your teeth. A week ago, you’d wanted to look nice for your last first day of school, but under the circumstances, you didn’t really care about your wardrobe, and opted for leggings and a t-shirt.

As you headed out of your room and down the stairs, you could hear your mom and dad talking in hushed voices. 

“I don’t know, maybe she shouldn’t go to school just yet. She barely left her room all weekend,” your mom said, concern lacing her voice.

“It’ll probably be better for her to go to school, talk to some people, instead of being holed up in her room,” came your dad’s resigned voice. He looked like he was going to say something else, but he saw your face around the corner as you came down the last of the stairs. “Good morning sweetie.” He smiled at you, and you attempted to smile back, but you already knew it wasn’t a convincing one.

“Do you want a ride to school? It’s been raining all morning,” Your mom said, handing you your lunch box as you walked into the kitchen.

“No, it’s fine. I have my umbrella, I can walk,” you said, giving another half-assed smile. The idea of sitting in a car with your mother right now was unbearable, you just wanted to walk. After all, your school was across the street from your neighborhood’s entrance.

“Okay. Be safe. Happy last first day of school,” your mom said before giving you a hug. When she finally let go, you headed to the door, opening up the door to a slight gust of wind.

The rain was just heavy enough to be uncomfortable, and now you wished you accepted that ride. However, as you started your walk down the cul de sac you lived on, you heard a voice call from the driveway of your next door neighbors.

“Hey, (y/n)!”

 You turned your head to see Kylo Ren leaning against his beat up ‘75 Mustang. He didn’t have anything on his head, so the water fell freely onto his black hair, making some of the strands stick to the side of his cheeks. 

You and Kylo had a strange history. When the two of you were younger, and he still went by Ben, you were practically inseparable, but middle school came around and changed both of you. While you started to hang around more popular and well-behaved kids, Kylo began to hang out with the rebel crowd. Over the years, you saw Kylo less and less, only really catching glimpses of him when he came to visit his grandparents. 

You thought about what to do now. Kylo had a reputation, sure, but you couldn’t help the nagging voice of your mother coming in the back of your head, telling you to stay away from his crowd. It didn’t stop you from turning around, though.

“Hey, what’s up?” You said as you approached the end of the driveway.

“You’re not gonna walk in this, are you? I was about to head to school too, I can give you a ride,” he offered. You were a little shocked at first.The last conversation the two of you had really had was probably in seventh grade, but now he was offering you a ride? A part of you was hesitant, and couldn’t help be suspicious. Sure, he’d never done anything to you, but you couldn’t help but think of the comments made from others about him. Then, you remembered a lot of those comments came from Shawn, and what better way to piss him off than arrive at school in the car of someone he’d warned you against so many times? As petty as it was, you were angry enough to do it.

“That would be great. My mom offered me a ride, but I really didn’t want to be stuck in the car with her, even if it’s just to get to school,” you explained. Kylo gave you a half smile before pushing some of his wet hair out of his face. You smiled, your first genuine smile in days, and walked over to the passenger side of his car, closing your umbrella before climbing in. Kylo slid in as well, shutting the door before revving the engine to life. He turned his torso to look out the back window as he pulled out of the driveway, then changed gears and headed for school. 

“So how was your summer?” he asked, tapping his finger along with the bass line of the song softly playing on the speakers. You let out a sigh as you looked out the window, watching the raindrops roll down the window.

“Great, until last Thursday,” you replied, twiddling your thumbs in your lap, feeling your throat start to constrict. Stop, you thought to yourself. You told yourself you weren’t gonna cry today, get it together. 

“Oh yeah, I heard about that. What a prick,” Kylo said as he stopped at one of the many stop signs in your neighborhood. “I’ll beat his ass if you want me to.”

You chuckled lightly as you shook your head. “No, but if I change my mind, I’ll make sure to come to you first.” Kylo smiled, stopping at the red light at the end of your neighborhood. 

“Good thing you accepted my ride offer, then,” he stated as the light turned green, and the two of you pulled into the parking lot of the school, Kylo driving to his designated parking space. 

“Why’s that?” You asked, curious if Kylo had caught on to the reason you’d accepted the ride.

“Because he’s hated me since middle school. It’s cause I punched him that one time. But seeing you get out of my car, that’s gonna get him heated,” Kylo responded, a smirk on his face. Seemed like Kylo wanted to piss Shawn off as much as you did.

Kylo pulled into his parking spot, then put the car in park, checking the time. It was 7:28. The school didn’t open the door for students until 7:45. 

“You can hang out here with me, if you want. Probably wouldn’t be good for you to stand in the rain til they unlock the doors,” Kylo offered as he pulled a cigarette box out of his jacket pocket. As he pulled a cig out, he rolled the window down just enough to filter out the smoke. “Do you mind?” he asked, looking at you before lighting his cigarette. You shook your head, but rolled your window out a little just in case.

“What about you?” you asked as you turned to face Kylo. He held the lighter up to the edge of the cigarette, the flame of the lighter reflecting in his eyes for a brief moment, before he drew in a big breath, slowly exhaling the smoke out the window. 

“Well, I got caught ‘vandalizing’ the skate park off Saints Boulevard, so I was under house arrest for most of the summer. I actually just got off last week, and that’s when Mom and Dad decided I should stay with Gran and Granpa Skywalker,” he responded, looking down at his phone, and quickly typing out a message before placing it on his lap, taking another drag from his cigarette. 

“Oh shit. How long?” you asked, watching him carefully. You hadn’t had a conversation with Kylo in so long, it was weird to hear how differently things were for him than they were back then. Of course, what damage could a twelve year old do? However, you did notice that he had a lot of the same quirks, like the way he grimaced before talking, or the way he always had to have his fingers tapping. It was a strange thing to see how someone could be so different, but still remain the same. 

“Indefinitely. Mom thinks that Gran can whip me back into shape, not that I was really ever the shape her and dad wanted me in,” Kylo said with a frown. You couldn’t help but frown too. After all, everyone in town had pretty much agreed that Kylo was a disappointment child.

“Well, look on the brightside, at least you have a cool new neighbor,” you said with a smile.

“Old man Kenobi?” Kylo asked, a wicked grin on his face. You shook your head as you laughed, turning the opposite direction. It was then that you noticed a group of people watching you. Upon further inspection, you realized it was Shawn and his posse, who were all glaring daggers at you, but it was Shawn’s face that caught you most off guard. He had a look of hurt on his face, as if you’d betrayed him, simply by being in the same car as Kylo Ren. 

Kylo noticed your silence, and looked to see what you were looking at. You turned your face away, unable to look at Shawn any longer, anger and sadness building up in you. It was then that you noticed Kylo stick his hand forward, proudly flicking Shawn off, causing his face to contort with rage. Shawn turned around, and headed into the school. 

“Fuck that guy. My offer still stands,” Kylo said with a huff before taking a final drag of his cigarette before dropping the butt into the car’s ashtray. You smiled, but it was another one of those half-assed smiles as you wiped some tears from your eyes.

“It’s okay. He isn’t worth that kind of energy anyways,” you said as you looked at the clock. It was already almost 8, and you were supposed to be in homeroom at 8:15. 

“Thanks for the ride, Kylo,” you said as you opened the door to his car. 

“No problem, (y/n). If you need a ride home, too, let me know,” he said as he also climbed out of the car, locking the doors as soon as you were both out. You gave him one last smile before heading to the school entrance. 

Mos Eisley High School definitely looked different than it had when you’d left it at the end of May. More importantly, it felt different. As you walked through the halls that were beginning to crowd, with the arrivals of both buses and students who drove or were dropped off, you could feel the stares of people following you. More importantly, you could hear their whispers too.

“Apparently the girl in the pic is a sophomore at Corellia High.”

“I heard he might’ve gotten her pregnant.”

“Didn’t Shawn and (y/n) date for, like, years?”

It was definitely hard to listen to, so as you pushed past the crowds to get to homeroom, you started blocking out all the sound around you. Even as you sat down in homeroom, you had blocked everyone out so well, you didn’t even register that Finn, who was now sitting beside you, had been calling your name. 

“Hey, we were all worried about you. Did you turn off your phone?” He asked. You let out a sigh.

“No, just put it on do not disturb. He wouldn’t stop calling me,” you responded. 

“Just let us know next time. You didn’t really give anyone a warning,” Finn said, right as the 8:15 bell rang. As soon as it did, the morning announcements came on, but you didn’t even bother to listen. A part of you wished you were still sitting in Kylo’s car, even to just sit in silence and smell the cigarette smoke wafting throughout the car. The more you thought about it, the more you realized that was the most lighthearted you’d been in the past few days. You also thought about how Kylo was your new neighbor. Who knew, maybe the two of you would become friends again? You were sure your current friends, not to mention, your parents, wouldn’t really like that, but you couldn’t help but feel there was more to Kylo than met the eye.

Once the announcements were done, your homeroom teacher, Mr. Daniels, passed out your schedules. You stared at your schedule and sighed. Already, you knew you had a long senior year ahead of you.

“What lunch do you have?” Finn asked, trading his schedule with yours. The two of you had one class together, Brit Lit for fourth block. You looked at Finn’s lunch time. He had first lunch, and you had third. 

“Oh well. Poe usually gets third lunch, you’ll probably have it with him at least,” Finn said.

As it turned out, none of your friends had third lunch. You’d decided to actually look at your messages- ignoring any from Shawn- and in the groupchat, you found that everyone had either first or second lunch, leaving you all alone. Perfect. 

“Hey, I’m sure you’ll find someone to sit with,” Finn assured you. You hoped he was right.

As the bell rang, you walked with Finn, listening to him talk about being excited for senior year, and all the things you guys would get to do together. As much as you loved his enthusiasm, you still couldn’t help that feeling of dread and sorrow in your heart. You’d been hoping to involve your boyfriend in all of these senior activities, but now everything was ruined because he couldn’t keep his hands to himself. 

Your first two classes of the day seemed to pass by agonizingly slow. No matter what, talking about the syllabus of the class seemed to take a lifetime, and you found yourself unable to focus, settling on doodling on the hard copies given to you by your teachers, and blocking out any sound going on around you. Everywhere you went, there were whispers, and quite frankly, it was becoming more annoying than painful. After all, even if you and Shawn had been the “star couple,” as deemed by many of your peers, it wasn’t their business to know every little detail about the situation. Hell, even you didn’t really know everything about the story. You just knew your boyfriend had cheated on you, and it left a horrible pang in your heart that refused to go away.

It felt like an eternity, but finally it was time for lunch. As relieving as it was to not be in class, you still had the problem of who you were going to sit with. Sitting alone seemed like the best option, but at the same time, you felt that if you were sitting alone, more people would come up to you unwarranted. Now you were starting to panic, at least until you felt a tap on your shoulder, and saw a shadow loom over you. You turned around and felt your face curve in a smile in relief.

“Hey, (y/n). Got no one to sit with?” Kylo asked, pushing a lock of his black hair out of his eyes. On the inside, you were letting out a huge sigh of relief. If you sat with Kylo, no one would dare mess with you.

“Was it that obvious?” you mused, giving him a half smile. 

“Not really, you just kind of had that body language. Come on, you can sit with us,” Kylo said, placing a hand on your shoulder as he led you to a secluded table by the door to the outdoor seating. One look out the window told you that the rain wasn’t going to let up by the time school was over.

Kylo sat down, and you took the seat next to him, looking at the three others sitting at the table. One of them you recognized as Gwen Phasma, who, to your knowledge, only went by Phasma. Her blonde hair was cut into a pompadour, styled with gel, and her grey eyes were lined with thick black liner. She looked up at you and gave you a smirk.

“(y/n) (y/l/n)? Pleasure to meet you, I’m Phasma.” She held out her hand to you, and you took it, making sure to have a firm grip. Phasma picked up on it and smiled. You looked over to the other two, but you didn’t really know them that well.

“(y/n), this is Alan Tabash, a junior who we adopted, and that is Sami Martinez,” Kylo introduced. You looked at the two, Alan nodded at you as he forked his school meal, and Sami waved before she went back to drawing in her sketchbook. You looked around at the group and noticed that they were all wearing black jackets with the initials K.O.R. stitched onto the pocket on the front.

“K.O.R.?” You asked, looking up at Kylo. He looked down at his jacket, then back to you.

“Yeah, Knights of Ren,” Kylo answered, almost shyly. You saw Sami roll her eyes, though you tried not to draw attention to it. 

“So, what brings you to our side of the cafeteria?” Phasma asked before taking a bite from an apple.

“Well, none of my other friends have the same lunch, so really the only person I care to sit with right now is Kylo,” you admitted as you started pulling your lunch out of your lunch box. 

“Can’t say I blame you. Mos Eisley High sure does love its gossip, and man, you are really the center of it right now,” Phasma noted. You watched as Kylo tried to subtly elbow her, but your focus had just turned to staring at the table as an iciness filled your gut. So everyone really did know, huh? Fantastic.

“Hey, I’m sorry if I upset you,” Phasma said, breaking you out of your trance. You noticed how her voice got softer, and as you looked into her eyes, so did their expression. However, the only response you could give was a forced smile.

“Hey, let me see your schedule,” came Kylo’s voice, quickly changing the subject. You fished through your backpack and pulled it out, Kylo tossing you his own. As you looked, you noticed that the two of you shared your last two classes together. “Sick, all four of us have lit together.”

You smiled up at Kylo as you handed him back his schedule. He gave you a half-smile back, and took a bite out of a brownie. In some strange way, in that moment it felt like, despite the years, nothing had really changed with you two. 

The rest of lunch was spent learning about Alan and Sami. Alan, you learned, was actually the younger brother of someone who had graduated last year, Milo Tabash. Milo and Kylo had become good friends Kylo’s freshman year, and the two formed their small group called the Knights of Ren. Sami had gotten roped in when she first transferred to Mos Eisley, having made friends with Kylo and Milo. Now, she was Milo’s girlfriend. Alan got tied in because Kylo, Sami, and Phasma embraced him with open arms. Apparently there were two more people in the Knights of Ren, but you didn’t think to ask about them. You were sure you’d meet them eventually.

Soon enough, the bell to end lunch rang, and you threw out your lunch as Kylo waited for you at the exit to the cafeteria. You quickly slung your backpack onto your shoulder and walked over to Kylo.

“Not ready for Mr. Windu’s class. He always looks like he wants to catch me doing something wrong,” Kylo remarked with a frown. You frowned as well. Anyone who was close with any of Kylo’s family was constantly making sure Kylo didn’t get up to anything, and since Kylo’s uncle was a teacher as well, that practically meant all of them watched him like a hawk.

“Well, lucky for you, no one expects me to get into trouble, so if we stick together, I’m sure everything will be okay,” you assured him. After all, you’d always been a good kid, favored by teachers and parents alike. Maybe hanging out with you would earn Kylo some slack. 

As the two of you crossed the threshold of Mr. Windu’s classroom, you froze in your tracks. You should have expected this, after all, you were both seniors, but it really was a nightmare come to fruition. You tried your hardest not to make eye contact, deciding to turn away and grab Kylo’s arm, dragging him along to the table furthest away from Shawn. Kylo didn’t ask any questions and simply went along with you, sitting down beside you at the lab table. As soon as the two of you sat down, the room went deadly silent, and you hoped and prayed for nothing to happen next.

Then you heard the sliding of a chair against the tile, footsteps following afterwards, making every inch of your body tense up and fill with anxiety.

“Hey,” came Shawn’s voice from above you, but you didn’t dare look up. You heard Kylo scoff from beside you.

“Move along, Alvarez, clearly she doesn’t want to talk to you,” Kylo said, glaring up at Shawn, his arms crossed.

“Stay out of this, Solo. (y/n), can we please talk?” Shawn bit back, his voice becoming softer when he spoke to you. You felt tears prick at your eyes, but you still didn’t budge. You wanted desperately to scream in his face, to tell him to leave you alone and never speak to you again, but you didn’t want that kind of attention. Lucky for you, Kylo picked up on how you were feeling.

“Look, you don’t deserve even a word from her, let alone a whole conversation. Fuck off, Alvarez,” Kylo said, this time his stare like daggers. Shawn gave him a sneer, and stepped back as the late bell rang.

“Watch out, (y/n), someone like him is only gonna get you into trouble,” Shawn said as he walked away. You looked up at Kylo and saw the fire in his eyes, and his fists clenched. 

Mr. Windu came in from the hallway, and began to take attendance. The more names he called out, the more you began to relax. After the syllabus was passed around, you went back to doodling, but this time on Kylo’s stuff. He did the same to you, and you had to fight to keep your laughter controlled as Kylo drew ridiculous drawing after ridiculous drawing.

“I hope you like the person sitting next to you, because that’s going to be your lab partner for the semester,” Mr. Windu stated, causing both you and Kylo to look up from your respective drawings. “That means that any projects assigned throughout the semester, the person you are sitting with is going to be your partner. I don’t want to hear any complaints, that’s just the way it is.” 

Not long after, the bell rang, and you and Kylo quickly rushed out of Mr. Windu’s classroom to avoid another confrontation.

“Thanks for fending him off,” you said to Kylo softly, looking up at him as the two of you walked through the crowded hall. 

“It’s no problem. He shouldn’t be fucking with you anyway,” Kylo stated with nonchalance. You felt a small smile embrace your lips as the two of you continued down the hall. Soon, you reached the classroom of Mr. Skywalker. Before going in, Kylo stopped, heaved a huge sigh, and the two of you walked in. 

As you looked around the room, you noticed four of your friends, Finn, Poe, Rey, and Rose. The four of them were smiling at you until they saw who you walked in with. Their expressions forced you to remember that none of them liked Kylo. You smiled back though, and noticed that Sami wasn’t sitting too far from them. You and Kylo walked over to Sami and sat in the two desks behind her.

“How was physics?” Sami asked as she closed her sketchbook and turned to face the two of you.

“Could’ve been better, could’ve been worse,” Kylo said, leaning back in his seat. Within moments, the bell rang, and Phasma walked in, settling down next to Sami.

“Alright class, welcome back,” came the voice of Mr. Skywalker from his desk. “When I call your name, you can just raise your hand. If you want to be called something else just let me know.” As Mr. Skywalker took attendance, you decided to take a peek at your phone, and noticed a text from Poe. 

Why are you sitting with Kylo Ren? 

You looked up to see Poe looking back at you with a confused look on his face. With a small sigh, you started typing away.

Catching up with an old friend. 

All three of you used to be friends in elementary school, but you and Poe split off together, leaving Kylo to find his new crowd. Now, Poe was one of those people weary of Kylo, which made you sad to think about. The three of you had such good times together when you were kids.

“I’m gonna pass out a calendar, and then we’re gonna go over the books we’re reading this semester. Don’t worry, it’s only two novels, one play, and one poem. Shouldn’t take us too long,” Mr. Skywalker said, handing the person sitting at the front of the class a pile of paper to pass around. When the calendars came to you, you looked at the assignments. Only two essays, two tests, a project, and a quiz after each piece of literature. You’d heard that there wasn’t much workload in Mr. Skywalker’s class, but you could see how the lack of grades would make it easy to pass or fail.

“Alright, everyone got one? Okay, so this semester, we’re going to be reading 1984, by Orwell, Hard Times, by Dickens, Beowulf, and Midsummer Night’s Dream,” started Mr. Skywalker. “If you’ve looked at the calendar, you’ll see the assignments for the semester. You’ll only be doing essays on Hard Times and Beowulf, but there is a partner project for Midsummer Night’s Dream, so go ahead and think about who you want to work on that with.”

After Mr. Skywalker finished talking about the assignments, you began to drown out his words, and instead watched the rain falling outside from the window behind his desk. The day hadn’t been as terrible as you had feared it would be, and for that you were thankful. You were definitely thankful for how willing Kylo was to accept you again, and you almost wondered if there was a reason behind it. It didn’t worry you, though, because at least now you had a friend who didn’t look at you like you were wounded, and didn’t expect you to talk about what was bothering you. 

You didn’t pay attention for the rest of class, and were only broken out of your trance when everyone began to pack up their things. 

“Are you gonna need a ride home?” Kylo asked, gesturing to outside the window, where the rain was getting heavier. 

“Yeah, that would be great,” you answered, pulling out your phone to see another text from Poe.

Just be careful.

The bell rang, and people rushed to get out of the door, and you started to rise from your seat. 

“Ben, come here,” came the voice of Mr. Skywalker, causing all four of you to turn around. Kylo sighed, and turned to you.

“Just wait for me outside the door, this shouldn’t take long,” he said in a very resigned voice, turning to go talk to his uncle. You did as Kylo asked, walking out with Sami and Phasma, who were talking about an event coming up, which you gathered had something to do with skating. As you passed the threshold and into the hall, you leaned against the wall next to the door, trying your hardest not to eavesdrop, but failing.

“Yeah, Uncle Luke?” you heard Kylo’s voice say, laced with annoyance.

“I just wanted to let you know I’m glad you’re hanging out with (y/n). She’s a good kid,” you heard Mr. Skywalker say.

“I know,” was Kylo’s only response before you heard his heavy footsteps heading your way. When Kylo walked out, he looked to see if you were still there, and when you were, he simply nodded for the two of you to get going. You walked together to the entrance of the school, rushing to his car as soon as you left the safety of the school. 

Once the two of you were safely in the car, you let out a laugh as Kylo started the car. In minutes, Kylo was pulling out of his parking spot, taking a spot in line with the after school traffic.

“Thanks for making today not terrible,” you said, looking over at Kylo with a smile. Kylo shrugged, but gave you a half smile as he turned to look at you.

“Hey, I understand what it’s like to go through this situation. I thought you might just want a friend who wasn’t gonna badger you about it,” he admitted.

“I appreciate it. If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?” You knew that at one point last year, Kylo had a girlfriend, but you weren’t aware that their relationship had ended, so now you were curious. 

“No it’s fine,” he said before pulling a cigarette out and rolling down the window. He lit the cigarette and took a couple of puffs. “I dated this girl Stella, who I met through Sami. We weren’t really super serious at first, but eventually I wanted us to be. She claimed she wanted to be too, but then I caught her with Armitage Hux. Never looked back after that, only a text to tell her we were through.” You watched as Kylo’s whole demeanor changed. Sure, he was kind of brooding before, but his posture slouched, and his eyes looked a little glossed over. 

The rest of the ride back was spent in a comfortable silence, and pretty soon the two of you were pulling into the driveway of the Skywalkers. Kylo shut the engine off, relaxing in his seat for a moment. You watched him for a brief moment, then turned to get out of the car. Without warning, Kylo placed his hand on top of yours and you turned around. His expression changed, like he’d come to some brilliant revelation. 

“This might sound a little crazy, but I’m about to make a suggestion. All I’m doing is asking that you hear me out,” he said, pushing a lone piece of hair out of his face. You simply nodded as you waited for him to explain.

“We should pretend to date.”

You looked up at him, confused, and a little in shock. Had he really just asked this? You could understand the benefit you would get from it, but you failed to see how it would help him.

“Listen,” he continued, “Shawn hates me, so it would be perfect revenge for you, something to make him realize what he lost.”

“And what about you? You can’t want to do this out of the kindness of your heart, I mean, who would?” you asked. As enticing as getting back at Shawn sounded, considering all the hurt he’d caused you, there had to be a catch.

“Look, my whole family has always liked you. Uncle Luke talking to me had me thinking about that. I’m hoping that, by pretending to date you, they’ll think I’m trying to be better, and cut me some slack,” he explained. Your confusion went away, as you nodded in understanding. If Kylo’s parents had practically kicked him out of the house, they were probably hoping for some improvement. Maybe “dating” you was all the improvement he needed. After all, it would be great to see the look on Shawn’s face if the two of you “dated.” You still had your reservations though.

“I don’t know, Kylo. Let me think about it,” you said, moving to open the door. Kylo took a piece of paper and a pen he’d found and scribbled on a piece of paper. Shortly after, he handed the paper to you.

“Here. Text me if you decide before tomorrow morning,” he said. You smiled at him. Though shocked about his proposition, you still couldn’t help appreciate how much better he’d made your day.

“Okay,” you said, taking the piece of paper out of his hand. Once you shut the door behind you, you ran across the lawn to get to your house, trying to soak in as little rain as possible.

[tres-fidelis]

That music drifting from where ever that pearl lingered was ever nagging at the back of Emet-Selch's head. But his focus remained on the human sat upon the floor, whose tears were coming freely now it seemed. And that gaze was ever sharp. He hummed low, and brought that hand back. Both of his gloved hands laced together while elbows rested on his knees where he crouched. "Ah now that is both the right, and wrong, question. What do I want?"

There was a pause, as Emet-Selch’s expression soured. Becoming a grimace, and eyes getting flooded with madness for just a few moments. “Why, I crave the Rejoining of course. Rejoin all worlds and souls! Revive the world as it should be! Bring back our beloved god, our primal, Zodiark. Bring back our HOME. Our PEOPLE.” Emet then paused and shook his head. Golden eyes sharpening, and he VERY much looked as if he had an internal struggle. Hands gripping them selves tightly.

He muttered quietly. “But that, is just the tempering talking, the infection of my soul. My madness bubbling from eons of loneliness and distress. This pain in my breast never eases through the many millennia.” He spoke, voice calming to his somber and gentle tone. One hand lifting and rubbing against the side of his skull. “But, personally? What do I want for me? I want my friends back, my found family. I want my dearest love back, my wonderful intelligent companions and friendships.”

“In this world, the touch of one known as Hydaelyn does not reach. The corruption of any gods can not touch here. This place has become it’s own Source, become it’s own time and reality. And your souls are so Strong. So much possibility. You are all truly free from what plagues others. And I– I’m sorry. Perhaps being around mortals too much as broken me. I’ll show my self out.” Emet-Selch slowly stood up. The motion shaking. Shoulders slumped more than usual, a weight settled upon them.

No more cutting corners. No more weaving fluff around the obvious questions. Jayden demanded these answers not to ease her racing mind, but to complete his vast puzzle. Emet strode into this world as an obvious enigma, out of place yet knowing so much about how everything worked. He knew about reploids, he knew about the mishaps plaguing their peace, and on a more personal level Emet knew her. 

If Emet sought out the friends and companions he ventured with long ago, did that mean he knew Shaska? Or Sentinel? They were both at the submarine crash where Emet assisted her best friend out of the damaged machinery. But if that were the case…if Emet knew them in another life…

Shaska and Sentinel are reploids. Their inner structures and workings were entirely different from humans, including the build of their own souls. They had free will yes, but human souls contrasted from the way reploid souls worked. Could…could that mean?

While the gears worked overtime, Jayden kept attention on Emet’s expression and falling mood. A strange color flashed in his eyes, something she hadn’t seen before. His voice rose above Shroud’s gentle tune, thunderous, almost…deranged. She stayed in place but folded her legs up covering her chest as Emet took on a unforeseen personality. No longer gentle, hardly proud or cocky, but a unforeseen lunacy. A primal god? Spouting new nonsense? The fear came back full throttle, and before she could tap into her watch to call for help…he stopped.

It was just a brief moment of…a completely different Emet. His softspoken tone returned but Jayden hadn’t opened up again. Emotions ran at a high mixing in a disgusting cocktail, making her stomach churn violently and body tremble looking at the regal man. There’s one thing to point out now: he knelt down to her eye level, speak on her own grounds. Just to…keep her calm? Keep her together?

All he uttered, all the truths he pulled from himself, the loneliness he’s felt for several…thousands of years, the pain he’s burdened from all of it…something kicked her. Something deep down kicked her hard in the bubbling pit of her stomach. What a horrible…excruciating pain to bear, and for someone who called themselves immortal…

…it’s not anything like the weight Jayden carried on a daily basis, but she could level with Emet to some degree. At least he had friends at some point in his life. That opportunity never came around for her during the crucial years of her life. No, all she had to experience was pain, hatred, distrust, even death. There were times she desperately could start over again but…she looked at herself now. The people whom she considered friends now, the work and her own ambitions slowly etching into her mold, right now Jayden made a name for herself. 

But Emet. No one knew him here, and it’s likely no one else knew him in the other worlds. He’s a true vagrant, one lone soul passing through time, day by day trekking with only one purpose in mind, but carrying his lost ones along the ride. He had no one to turn to, no one to talk with other than herself and Shaska. 

…but he has no home. 

He’s all by himself. 

“Wait.” 

It happened suddenly. Jayden threw herself up, reached out to grab his sleeve, and even shouted without thinking it through. Once she realized her sudden outburst the reporter stepped back letting him go. Both arms swayed by her side, head hung down and eyes shut in thought. 

Two arguments threw themselves on her table. On one hand, Jayden did not fully trust this man after recent events. He still held an air of suspicion, and yes she did tack in his overly arrogant demeanor in the mix. Shaska did not approve of him either, meaning they’d keep their distance with him. Yet on the other hand, on top of everything else that came to mind, Emet possessed valuable information. Jayden wouldn’t admit either, at least not yet, but she rather enjoyed their conversations so far. 

Whatever her decision, it’d be all on her when the consequences came knocking at her door. 

With a deep, slow inhale the human rose up standing at full height, shoulders turned back and her autumn colored eyes holding, for once, a kind gaze towards Emet. 

“….listen. I…I don’t trust you very much. You’ve become a suspicious figure both to myself and to my friend. I’m…I’m not sure what she even thinks of you but…” A long sigh, where both hands curled into fists then loosened on the exhale. “…I…can’t lie in saying that I have…become rather fond of your company. Even if I’ve appeared very cold or…unfriendly to you, it’s been…rather refreshing exchanging these conversations. For that I…do want to apologize. Like I said before, there’s not a lot of people to trust around here these days. Sometimes you have to look after yourself, otherwise the next day your family will find you in the obituaries.” 

A sad truth. A harsh reality to live in, to grow up learning and embracing. 

“But…I’m trying to make it better. Me, my co-workers, the friends I’ve somehow made, we want it all to change. We just want peace, equality among reploids, and we want that trust back.” At this Jayden took one, very careful step forward and raised a hand to Emet. Her palm out, warmly inviting him for a friendly shake should he accept. 

“I’m still completely perplexed about…my former life, how I somehow knew you, or even how you were able to find me but, there’s one thing I promised to myself as I grew up. I could never let anyone…no matter who they were…experience any kind of loneliness. No one should ever in their lifetime embrace it all by themselves, and for you? To carry that with you for so long?”

“…you need someone, and though I said I don’t fully trust you, I don’t mind if you were to come and chat with me again. If you’re here all by yourself, stuck in an unfamiliar world where you have no one to turn to, I’d…at least would like there to be one person you can call on.” 

[wellmeaningshutin]

Short Story #67: Monster.

Written: 3/15/2017                                                                Backwards Week

The hosts and the set of the morning talk show are all done up in a light blue and yellow color scheme, in an attempt to make their subject matter seem less depressing. At first the show existed to only discuss uplifting subjects, like puppies that were up for adoption and community projects led by third graders, but one of the executive producer learned that death, violence, rape, disease, and hatred were subjects that brought in more views, and more money, so the show quickly shifted gears, and gave itself a more lighter and playful look. Looking like they were girl’s dolls that had somehow come alive, the two hosts, a blond man and woman, sat on a large, sunflower yellow couch and discussed the biggest story for the past week.

“It seems like Killer Claire,” the woman announced, unsure if she should look at her co-host or the camera, so she awkwardly did both, “might finally have given indisputable proof of how evil of a person she truly is.” The male co-host stared at the camera with a Vaseline smile. “After what happened yesterday, her strongest supporters will have to think twice about claiming her innocence.”

“I hope she gets sent into prison, and never leaves.” Giving a forced laugh, the male turned to his co-host, staring at the side of her face as she stared into the camera. “People like that are just too dangerous, and they really need to be locked up. There is just no reason to have a sociopath like her walking around the streets, after she ruthlessly killed her own wife like that.”

“The thing is, I don’t just blame her. There is no doubt, it is a fact, that she is as evil as they get. But you really have to question her wife, too. I mean, what type of person would choose to marry such a horrible woman? Could you really call her death a tragedy, since she should have known that it was coming?”

It was also discovered, by the same producer who altered the subject matter, that it was easier to just have attractive people who had no idea what they talked about, instead of average looking people who were well informed. So, the original hosts were fired, and he gave their jobs to two escorts he found at a renowned, European film festival. They were a hard find, mainly because he had to find American escorts. It turned out that people preferred to listen to Americans instead of foreigners.

“Well, that’s how they just work. You can never tell who is a sociopath, and who isn’t, its like they are demons walking around in the skin of the average person. So, there was just no way for that poor woman to know who she was marrying, and the whole situation is like a modern day horror movie, all happening in real life.”

Attempting to look horrified, but instead just looking as if she was yawing, “There has to be some way to tell.”

Looking past the cameras, lost, the male host looked for somebody to give him assistance. The only information he was going off of was just a couple sentences from an article he half red, and he wasn’t even fully sure what sociopaths were. Somebody wrote on a piece of paper, and held it up for him to see, it read: Make something up. “Uh, well, you know.” He smiled past the camera, she still stared at his face, now also smiling. Another paper came up, it read: People don’t care if you’re correct, just lie. “Well,” turning to look into the camera, “I read an article, it was about a scientific study done by many of the top scientists.”

Off camera, somebody whispered to the female host, “Just stare at the camera.” She obeyed.

“Top scientists?” She asked, full of surprise. “Which ones?”

“Oh you know,” he rubbed his hands together, to settle his nerves, “A lot of them. The important ones. They said that the only way you can tell a sociopath from a real person, is by their blood.”

“Their blood?”

“Yes. Apparently, their blood has more concentrated evil in it, and can actually corrode metal. There even was a video, somewhere, of an officer of the law-”

“You have to love our boys in blue.” A producer gave her a thumbs up, then signaled her, like a stage mother, to smile.

“You sure do. The officer got blood all over him when he shot the sociopath, and it actually melted his face right off.”

“That is scary stuff, and knowing this now, I hope that Killer Clair gets the chair.”

Another paper was held up, and the guy read it. “Hashtag, Chair for Claire.” ———————————————————————————————————

They put a coat over her head to hide her identity, but it was of no use since the assault had been televised. As they marched cuffed Claire out of the studio, they were greeted by a vast crowd of reporters, all trying to get coverage of the arrest. Even though she was unable to see any of it, Claire understood the intensity of the crow, just by the effort the arresting officers had to put in to get to their car. The wall of noise, that came from the reporters trying to get their questions answered, was deafening, she could hardly pick out any specifics.

Normally, she would have loved to be in this scenario, to have all of this publicity, but now that she had it she was only agitated. If her hands weren’t cuffed she probably would have swung at somebody, maybe would have tried to smash any of their television cameras. She wanted to scream at them, but knew there was no point in it, so she just had to wait to get into the safety of the car.

Ten minutes passed before the police were able to fight their way through, and when they shoved her into the backseat, her head banged against the roof. There was a scrape, some blood, a dull pain, but Claire didn’t care. “I can’t believe we were the ones to finally do you in.” One of the officers said, she didn’t bother to look at him, Claire just stared at her feet. “You’re one sick son of a bitch, you know that?”

“I don’t think she can understand that,” the other chimed in, “that’s how these fuckers work.”

“No, you’ve got it all wrong. They do know, I think, but they just don’t care. Like, she knew it was fucked up that she cut the breaks on her wife’s car, but she just didn’t give a shit.”

“Isn’t that psychopaths?”

“No, I think.. Wait. I think psychopaths don’t understand, and sociopaths do understand. And she’s the latter, right?”

“No, I think, psychopaths are the ones that harm people, but sociopaths manipulate people. Like, when you hear the word psycho, what pops into your head?”

“Blood covered man, holding a chain saw.”

“Exactly, and when you hear society, what do you imagine then?”

“Bunch of people talking with each other.”

“So,” the officer announced proudly, proving his misguided point, “psychopaths are the violent ones, while sociopaths are the ones who manipulate and shit. Cutting the breaks on somebody’s car isn’t violent, because she didn’t hit anyone, and when you think about it, she was just manipulating the car.”

“But she just strangled somebody on national television, isn’t that violent.”

Thinking deeply about this for a second, the other officer came to a conclusion, “She must be a hybrid then.” Looking back at her, eyes full of fear and hatred, “We should be very careful about her then. For all we know, she could have wanted to have been arrested.”

“So you’re saying that this could just be a part some sick plan?”

“I have no doubt about it.” For added measure, he removed his gun and held it in his hand, just in case. “Who knows what is going on in her head.”

Claire, who tuned out somewhere during the argument over the distinctions between psycho and sociopaths, was trying to remember the words to the MASH theme song. Although the instrumentation was clear in her mind, the lyrics eluded her. ———————————————————————————————————

“Alright, welcome back, America.” The host, a man with a receding hairline, button up shirt, tie, and suspenders, announced to the camera. “We’re here with the woman known as “Killer Claire”, who has been accused of cutting the breaks on her wife's car, which led to the woman’s death. Police suspect the motives may have been to collect life and car insurance, in addition to a clear lack of morals. What do you have to say about this Claire?”

Was she supposed to smile and defend herself, showing that she didn’t care about their accusations? Or was she supposed to act grief stricken about the loss of her wife, because that might be how regular people would react. In the end, she decided to go with something safe, and talked slow and sad, while looking at the hands in her lap, occasionally making brief eye contact with the host. “Well, I’m innocent. I don’t have any idea of how the breaks were cut in the first place.”

Behind her, and the host, there was a screen that displayed Tweets from the show’s viewers. One read: Crocodile tears from a lying bitch.

“What about the reports, claiming that you have been formally diagnosed as a sociopath? Doesn’t that show that there is a strong chance that you killed her? How could you be one of those, and not kill your wife?”

This probably isn’t the first time she killed. She probably drowned those kids that were found in that abandoned pool the other day #LockHerUp

This accusation was enough for her to stare directly at him, giving up her fake routine, forgetting to blink. “What I was actually diagnosed with was antisocial personality disorder. And having that doesn’t mean I’m some psycho killer. I loved my wife.”

So she’s trying to claim that she is shy? Why does her story keep changing?

Is she trying to claim that she doesn’t love her wife anymore? What an awful human being.

“How could we trust you when you say that you aren’t a psycho killer, when you are diagnosed as a psychopath?” Her left eye twitched. “Also, wouldn’t the police only suspect you if they had good reasons to do so? Are you trying to claim that you, a manipulative, morally bankrupt human being, is more trustworthy than the men who put their lives on the line every day, just to keep this country safe? Are you trying to say-”

“Look, Chet, they didn’t even suspect fowl play until a family member of mine mentioned the ASPD. At first they thought that it was just a malfunction, an accident,  so I’m not calling them liars, I’m just saying that their views are clouded by prejudice.”

She’s trying to do the calm and reasonable routine. Chet, don’t let her trick you into becoming aggravated.

The host saw this message, and said into the camera, “Don’t worry America, I won’t let her get me all flustered. I’m a professional. Now, Claire, let me ask you a simple question. How can we trust you?”

“What?”

“Well, lying and being manipulative are a part of your disorder, are they not?”

“Well-”

“So, since you have been professionally diagnosed as being a compulsive liar, a wolf in sheep's clothing, somebody who cannot feel remorse or shame, how can we trust you?”

She’s sweating! Oh man, he’s got her cornered, what a fucking pro

Claire wondered if this was some sort of nightmare, but the pain she received from digging her nails into her forearm proved that it was indeed real. “I didn’t kill my wife. What happened to innocent until proven guilty?”

“That’s for the courtrooms, this is television.”

They should water board her for what she did, how could anybody do that to a human being?

You have to be morally bankrupt to kill somebody, obviously she’s evil. I volunteer to shoot that bitch dead.

I hope she tries to flee so that there can be a manhunt. I would love to see her get torn apart by police dogs.

Does anybody know where Chet gets his ties?

Wondering why she agreed to do the interview in the first place, Claire began to stand up and remove the microphone from her clothing. “I don’t need this bullshit.”

“Please don’t swear on air.”

Placing the mic close to her mouth, “Go fuck yourself Chet, I’m leaving.”

“Well, America, it looks like she has nothing to say. It looks like she’s not that big of a sociopath anyways, but then again, we ask the hard questions, and even the coldest killer is hard pressed to find a way out of our verbal judo. By being unable to answer any of these questions, she has essentially proven her guilt, and it wont be long until we’ll see her on death row. Remember, lock your doors, make sure your children are safe, because Killer Claire is still on the loose, she has not-”

I’m serious about that tie. He always has great ties, but I can never figure out what brand they are.

They should cut her tongue out so that she never lies again.

As she walked away, knowing that she didn’t need any of the bullshit, something shifted Clair’s carefree attitude into pure anger. Looking back on this moment, she wasn’t sure if it was the comment advising people to protect their families, maybe it was the way that the audience leered at her, but most likely, it was both of those combined with a memory of the last beach trip she went on with her wife. A thought sprung into her head, and impulsively, she acted on it. Turning around, slowly and coolly walking towards Chet, Claire appeared back on the camera.

Snidely turning to her, the host asked, “Are you ready for round-” Claire quickly grabbed the back of his head, and slammed his face down into his desk. Nose bleeding, looking terrified, he raised his head, unsure of what was happening, and then she placed her hands around his throat. Wondering how it would feel to crush throat, to feel it break under the pressure she provided, Claire was able to stare at his frightened, bleeding, dying face for about twenty seconds until the camera men rushed in to pull her off of him. Everyone else in the studio was frozen in disbelief.

Delilah, will you marry me? ———————————————————————————————————

Surprised to hear the doorbell ring, Claire began to make her way to the front door. Everyone had been giving her space to grieve, and she wondered if they thought that there had been enough time for her to return to the world. It wasn’t clear how long grieving was supposed to last, and it seemed like the only times she cried was when she forced herself to. Basically, she had to think over and over about how sad it was that her wife died, and if she focused long enough like this then a couple tears would come out. If she was able to maintain focus for long enough, she would be able to enter a state of real sobbing, but she mainly only did this once a day, just because she felt like it was what she was supposed to do.

Also, it just felt nice to cry, because it was like it proved that she was still a tiny bit human inside, even if she stopped being sad when something else caught her attention. It was just nice to know that, in some capacity, she still had emotions.

When she answered the door, she was surprised to see a man and a woman who she assumed were detectives. The woman was the only one who spoke for the whole visit, and she assumed that this might have been because they felt like she may be more willing to open up to someone of the same gender. “Is it okay if we come inside?”

Keeping the door cracked open, guardedly staring out, Claire did not like where this was going. “What is this about?”

“We wanted to talk to you about your wife’s death.”

“That was an accident.”

“We thought so too, but we heard that you are diagnosed as antisocial, so we decided to look further into the case.”

“Who told you?”

“So you are not denying this?”

“What are you implying right now?”

“We have reason to believe that you may have been responsible for the death of your wife. Now, the car was totaled, so there is no way to know that the breaks weren’t cut, but-”

“Am I under arrest?”

“No, ma’am, we-”

“Do you have a warrant?”

“No, we-”

“Then fuck off.” ———————————————————————————————————

When she got home from work the house had been empty. It was a little unusual, because her wife was normally home at this time, but it was also reasonable assume that she was out, doing some sort of errands. Maybe she was talking to some old friends. Later, unbeknownst to Claire, people would think that it was a sign of guilt that she watched television until eleven at night, never attempting to contact her wife, but really Claire knew that she was her own person, and if she wanted to call she would call.

The call did finally come, but it wasn’t the one she expected. She didn’t even recognize the number, but something told her that she should answer. “Are you Claire, uh, Beth’s wife?”

“Yeah, who is this?”

“This is her friend, uh, its unimportant. We’re all wondering, well, are you planning on seeing her tonight?”

“I wasn’t planning on it.”

“Really?” Her voice sounded alarmed, confused, nothing good.

“What’s going on?”

“You didn’t hear?”

“No, wait, what’s?”

“Oh god, do I have to be the one to tell you? Shit. I should’ve made somebody else, oh well. She’s dead?”

Cold and indifferent, “Really?”

“Yes, they think the breaks stopped working, there was a crash, its all-”

“Hm. Send me the location, and I’ll drive over I guess.”

The moment was strange for Claire, mainly because she realized that she should’ve assumed something was wrong. At least, she was sure that a normal person would assume something was wrong. Although she never showed it, in her voice or her body language, from that moment on she had given up on caring about life. Who did she have to impress anymore, who did she have to act normal for? All of the friends she made had been dull, but she stayed in contact with them because that was what Beth needed. Her whole social life had formed, because that’s what Beth needed. If it was up to her, they would forget about the outside world, and just spend most of their time with each other, but she knew that her wife had different needs than her, so she changed to satisfy those needs.

Most people would have trouble changing, but Claire believed that was because they all had firm ideas of who they were, and it was unquestionable for them to be any different. She saw a lot of people suffer, only because their self images were shattered. When she was a child, her father always talked about his martial arts classes, and how he would be able to take anybody in a fight, but one night he was mugged in a back alley, and ended up being hospitalized. After that, he became miserable, and not because of the hospital bills or the injury, but because he had lost a fight to somebody he thought was below him. Throughout her life she had seen plenty of other people experience this sort of loss of identity, and she never understood why she never suffered that, until one day she realized she had no identity. She altered herself depending on who she talked to, never being genuine, never caring about the person she spoke to.

And then she met Beth, and realized that in a way, she could become genuine. When they talked, she realized that she wasn’t picking her words carefully, she wasn’t trying to guess what Beth wanted to hear, she just spoke. When she experienced that connection for the first time, it somehow made her feel whole, made her feel real, and it was the first and only genuine connection she would ever have with another person. Sure, she made an effort to become liked by her Wife’s friends, but this was more of a romantic gesture than anything, it was genuine in the sense that she was only doing it because she wanted her wife to be happy. Isn’t that love

Although, she ended up not going to see the body, it was because she was too busy thinking about all of this. She wanted to spend that night with the memory of her dead wife, instead of going and seeing the remains. What could she possibly gain from seeing a corpse? It wasn’t her wife, it was just an object. Her wife was gone, but the memory wasn’t, so she decided to stay home with that, and she figured everyone would understand.