#and yeah i ofc have no trauma

[littleittyburger]

you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me <33

[hauntingsofhouses]

(concept art of young taigen - source ; art credit: @abigaillarson)

i cannot get over this concept art of young taigen. god.

just look at this angry bratty boy, too many feelings that he doesnt know what to do with! an abused 9 year old kid in poverty always playing with sticks in the dirt, obsessed with greatness and dreaming to escape his decrepit village—and he does!

he does escape. he runs away. this angry little boy, all claws and teeth and biting words uttered with a lisp, going on the run into a world he's never seen before until he makes his way to kyoto. and knowing him he probably forced his way in to be accepted by the dojo, growling and kicking even as he's thrown out, back into the streets, too stubborn to take no for an answer and never knowing when to give up.

taigen calls mizu a dog, weak, an orphan, a scrawny street urchin. but i can't help but think that he feels so bold to use those words because he had them spat at him too.

because taigen had the idea of "this is how the world is" beat into him from birth. he learned quickly that if you couldn't beat the world you could join it. but that meant losing your way, your values, your principles. and isn't that what true honour is? not just titles and status and glory?

we don't get to see what taigen, as a child surrounded by peers encouraging and goading him on, would've actually done if that meteor hadn't fallen right in front of them at that very moment. would he have really tried to throw that stone on mizu, killing her? we don't know.

but we do see what taigen (his true self, with no one around) does, when presented with the same opportunity. when mizu passes out in front of him, unconscious and near death, vulnerable, the path to restoring his honour lays itself out for him on a silver platter. and he wants to take it, wants to kill mizu, to claim what is his and return to kyoto and get back everything he'd worked tooth and nail for. he feels like it's what he should do. but he doesn't.

and later, again he is presented with the chance to betray mizu, likely offered by heiji shindo to get his rank reinstated within the shindo dojo. and again, taigen doesn't take it. he refuses. "stupidly loyal," fowler calls him later. loyal, like a dog.

because now, pulled away from the sneering looks and jeering words of people around him, telling him that this is what the world is, taigen had met ringo and mizu, two outcasts who refuse to follow a predetermined path to greatness. and so inside something blooms in him. something like hope. a chance to live in a world that doesn't kick you down every chance it gets, to live in a world where genuine kindness and and love and friendship and even weakness is possible, allowed to simply exist without fear.

because he'd been running away from the very idea of it the whole time. when he ran from kohama, he never looked back, never wanted to remember what it was like to be a child, afraid and hungry and angry and hurting, without the words to make sense of it, desperately wishing for something. something more. he doesn't know what. but he hears stories of great swordsmen and decides, yes, this must be it. this is what i want: glory, greatness. the twisted seed gets planted and thrives in this barren land.

and when he returns to kohama with mizu and ringo, he at last is forced to stop running. he must face the child within him again, and he tells that child to put down the stones in his hand, tells him to stop barking at anything that moves or looks at him wrong.

the child drops the stone, and taigen buys dumplings instead, gives them to mizu. the child within him, wide-eyed at the prospect of friendship, moves him to pick up a hammer and toss it to mizu. he's smiling inside even as he does it; giggling like a kid hiding a silly prank. as soon as mizu drops the hammer after him, he leaps at her, tackling her to the ground and they wrestle and laugh unbridled like two children playing while the adults aren't around to barge in and yell at them.

and then his gaze catches on mizu's lips, he stares into mizu's eyes, a sparkling blue, inviting like the open sea in good weather.

it's a man's desire that takes hold then, the child in him sinking away again, and he curses himself for it, because it ruins the moment.

everything goes to shit from there, and then it's back to being a man, back to putting on his grown-up's armour to play hero.

it fails. the shogun dies. fowler's beatings reopen all the wounds left by heiji shindo's torture. "honour is meaningless," mizu tells him. "nothing comes from being a samurai but death."

the words follow him, and he follows the words.

as everything burns down, he runs, leaving the fire behind him, and sees akemi, as well as the verdure of spring behind her, calling him. he does not hesitate then to hold his hand out to her, inviting her to come with him. "i don't want to be great," he says. "i just want to be happy."

what is happiness to him? perhaps he doesn't know it yet, or perhaps he does. but really, i believe happiness is what the child in him always wanted but never received. happiness is a home.

[alluralater]

do you guys watch porn like normal people or are you watching every single tiny detail all at once before zeroing in on like— how pretty the tendons in her neck look when she’s about to cum or the way her shoulders bounce a little and her muscles relax and then tighten and how her hips stutter just the teeniest amount? or like how her lips look when she’s really enjoying something the slight difference in the way they curve and how she sounds and how her eyes move and the way her breathing picks up in time with fingers inside her or how her hair sits on her shoulders and moves so lovingly to whatever surface she’s on and like how pretty her skin looks when she’s getting closer and closer, like she’s glowing. or how she’ll roll her hips when she’s getting needy but won’t say so?? and when she needs more visual stimulation vs less and when to guide her gaze vs when to let her look on her own and tell her to. like basically by the end of the vid you know exactly how she likes to be fucked and what her tells are for when she wants it harder or slower or faster or she wants her clit played with rather than penetration or both or her mouth filled , etc. or am i just weird

[dunmeshistash]

Semi-related to Thistle talk but it's interesting to compare him with Yaad's generation, because they too are stuck in a perpetual adolescence while still having to carry out adult responsibilities. Given Yaad's entire arc and the apparent ease at which the citizens have worked for centuries on end, one very optimistic take might interpret this as them developing more maturity than Thistle… But then it's pointed out that they're doing all of this because routine is the only thing keeping them sane anymore, and even then they still struggle to find meaning and joy in things other people take for granted, like food. So to other people what looks like maturity is actually repression or apathy for the sake of survival.

And while their situation is definitely not the same as Thistle being taken away from his culture and raised entirely by tallmen, the Golden Country citizens are also disconnected from where they came from and what they "should" be - the previous generations that had a frame of reference for the outside world and a normal lifespan are now gone. That's how we end up with scenes like Chilchuck being unnerved by the brewer that looks like a teen but casually mentions running their own business for 600+ years. They and Thistle all have that dissonance of looking young but having taken on too many duties, much too early, for much too long.

I hadn't thought much about how young the golden kingdom people are I just assumed they were adults but they DO look younger than what we would consider adults.

I theorized on another post that they might all be 16 (but I also say I think they're older there, now I'm not so sure) because that's the age of maturity for Tallmen.

Age of maturity usually means that's when you're considered an "adult" socially (as in now you have adult responsibilities and is expected to carry your own) that's why I think Thistle hasn't reached that yet, its what would thematically fit him the most as a kid with adult responsibilities (wouldn't make sense if he was already the age that's expected to take on these responsibilities)

The golden kingdom citizens don't really feel like they have a stunted growth like thistle to me.... I don't know how to explain how I feel but... it's like they have stunted experiences instead? They don't know what really is like to be alive, they are just going about their lives in a clockwork manner trying not to think about it and missing out on how it feels to live (exemplified by how they don't eat).

What made me feel like that the most is that when Yaad is in Delgal's body it doesn't feel like a teen trapped in an old man's body, it feels like an old man with finally a body that matches? To me the golden kingdom citizens feel more like someone forever trapped in a body much younger than their minds?

That's just my interpretation tho! I like your interpretation too, it's making me think about it more, so I might end up changing my mind. Some of them really do act like kids/teens like the girls asking Marcille to do a fashion show for them, that was very cute, they probably haven't gotten to play in a while.

[vonlipvig]

Finally saved Angie’s piece of shit dad. It took me two hours worth of attempts to realise I could activate healing touch while in healing touch, but the bastards I now realise were spiders not weevils are dead and I’m sure this mean Guilt is over forever now!

YES, CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'VE DONE IT! GUILT IS OVER, IT WILL NEVER COME BACK TO HURT US! NEVER EVER!

...

or IS IT?

DEREK STILES WILL RETURN IN UNDER THE KNIFE 2 KNIFIER THAN EVER. GET THOSE SCALPELS AND GAUZE CAUSE IT'S GONNA GET BLOODY.

[mad-hunts]

this is a very specific scenario, i know, but barton trauma-bonding with a hero and vice versa because they got stuck in the middle of the desert together due to the fact that they were both simultaneously betrayed / LEFT TO DIE there, but they managed to survive after they spent some time vehemently refusing to help each other in the beginning. though, they soon began to help each other (albeit reluctantly) because they realized that would be the ONLY way that they would survive this. and barton tries to kickstart their bastardization arc™ by telling the hero to kill the people who dumped them there. and this is because, in his mind, they don't deserve to live. then barton goes on to tell them that he's planning on killing the person who betrayed him so it's fineee if the hero does it,, because he ain't a snitch + won't tell anyone they killed anyone (,: now whether or not the hero actually starts their bastardization arc is up to them, of course, but if anyone is interested in a plot like this... HMU because i think this would be such an interesting dynamic to roleplay 👀

[widevibratobitch]

omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee

[girlbob-boypants]

Someone smarter than me should do a deep dive into people hating and villifying creatures who express grief/trauma through anger. Just really get into you cannot create a character who's anger impacts the story if you want them to be liked because even if they grow people will still hate them for being annoying.

Basically let's talk about how people think other's grief and trauma are really annoying when it isn't artistic movie depression or recovery

[blizzardfluffykpop]

today's plan: to clear drafts of misc. that is funny- and reblog all the fanfics that remain in here- (has one been in here since jan of this year- yes dw about it) I'll delete this if i remember

[anthromimicry]

okay, but i think it is about time to talk about one of misao's fears is, because i believe that they can tell you a lot about a character and their psyche — and i came to tell y'all that the one i'm going to be talking about today is that misao fears becoming a mother / motherhood. the first reason in which why i believe this is because misao just genuinely thinks that she is not the nurturing type and that she would likely be a terrible parent to her child ( which i know is a very depressing thing to think about. but it is something that she has feared for a long time, unfortunately. ) this likely stems from a mix of misao's inability to deal with her own emotions, though, as she feels like it's better to just bottle them up and deal with them all on her own rather than the alternative. and this would be to try to confide in someone and/or get help from them should she need it. so, misao feels as if her child were to come to her needing emotional support from her, she would absolutely fail at it and the last thing she wants is to emotionally neglect someone the way she had been as a child ( p.s. of course, this was mostly just borne out of unfortunate circumstances, as i've stated before because of kaiyah's illness. though this hasn't stopped misao from feeling the brunt of the impact that it had on her. )

plus... i feel as if misao also doesn't have a lot of confidence in herself whenever it comes to the concept of always being able to put a child first, as she has a pretty negative self-image of herself deep down if i'm being honest. she sees herself as an extremely selfish person who can't even become friends with one person because she is so afraid that someone will hurt her, and in her opinion, that makes her pathetic or weak. so she doesn't feel like she'd be able to take care of a child with the amount of responsibility that is required to in order to raise them properly and protect them at the same time.

though this isn't necessarily true as misao has put up those barriers that would normally let people into her heart mostly due to trauma, and having experienced trauma doesn't make anyone weak. i just feel as if she desperately needs to remedy her self-image because it is very damaging to think of yourself like that and it would be really good for her emotional health if she were to try to ways to better cope with everything that she's experienced throughout her life. there are other reasons as well behind why misao fears motherhood while i'm talking about it, however, and these are arguably one of the more bigger ones: the act of giving birth itself and suddenly being thrust into having to not just take care of yourself, but the baby inside of you as well. which sort of makes sense whenever you connect the dots as to how many horror stories misao has heard about delivering a baby and also how much a person's experience while being pregnant can vary from others. i mean, it has been shown that some people may have more morning sickness than others and that they just don't have a very good experience with being pregnant in general, for example. but other's may be 'glowing' as they say and may find it easier to deal with.

so, you never really know what kind of pregnancy you're going to have until you actually become 'with child' as misao would call it. and the unknown aspect surrounding it scares misao more than anything. plus, as it stands now, she isn't sure whether she'd want to go through the process of giving birth as there can be a lot of complications regarding it. but there can also be so many good things about inviting a new member of the family into your home and misao feels as if it is kind of expected of her to have children so she can continue the kanade line.

but misao is just so afraid of it for these reasons that she can not see herself as a mother, even in her head. however... there is the matter of adoption that she has yet to take into account, but with how focused the jorōgumo are about having biological children, i feel as if misao hasn't even considered it to be an option for those who are afraid of giving birth and also to give a baby / child a loving home as everyone deserves one of those. but yeah. i hope that this gave y'all a little more insight into her character, as misao is scared of re-enacting her past in a way, though i feel as if you become a mother yourself... you have to separate what will be your own experience of parenthood from your parents. so, in order to overcome this fear she has, misao would have to treat it as an entirely different thing from kaiyah's experience as a mother and her own child self's experience of her as a mother.

and this is definitely possible. it would just take some work, as overcoming any kind of fear would. plus, i feel as if misao were to accept other people's help it would also benefit her, since discussing motherhood / plunging into the topic of the sometimes seemingly scary thing that is parenthood is definitely not something that you have to try to go through alone.

[celestialmancer]

Why are most the things I wanna ramble abt today wrt ocs more uh

Nsfw ish or nsfw territory

[missgallavjch]

i feel so love-starved it makes me feel so miserable

[mad-hunts]

♡ + food

OOH, thank you so much for the ask, @crimeclean! this is honestly a prompt that i was kind of hoping to get because i've been looking for an excuse to talk about this. so, allow me to tell you about one food that barton has had an aversion to over the years and for... honestly, a very unfortunate (to say the least), but also a good reason. and this is mushrooms. now i have talked about this a bit a while ago, but whenever barton was still with his bio father, wesley mathis; he went through a period of having to feel food insecurity and hoarding food. this was due to the fact that wesley had lost his job as a forester at one point, which caused them both to struggle a lot with having enough to eat. and one day, as sad as this may sound, barton had ran out of the food that he stockpiled for a day where wesley wasn't able to feed either of them. so the choice was either to go out to try to find something to eat or simply ruminate in his hunger / try to make it go away by sleeping. however, barton was just SO hungry this day that he was literally having pains and as a result, because they lived out in the woods at the time — a six or seven year old barton went out to see if he could find something to eat amongst the wilderness.

and barton had found morel mushrooms, a species that is known to grow in new jersey that isn't toxic when eaten cooked, BUT is when eaten raw. and he had eaten a good amount of them so the onset of symptoms he got from eating them arrived pretty quickly. they are known to cause gastrointestinal issues especially in large amounts and have even killed some people who didn't have the knowledge that you can't eat them uncooked. as a result, barton had to be hospitalized and after that, he didn't even want to look at mushrooms for years. even now, he doesn't really like eating them because of the fact that they caused him to have a quite traumatic experience as a kid, but if they're being cooked by someone as a part of a dish and barton KNOWS that this person doesn't have a toxic type of mushroom... he'll eat them. though about 9 times out of 10, if someone actually offers him the choice to eat something without them, he will gladly take that.

[arolesbianism]

Thinking abt spiraling upwards side characters again. Charredpelt my absolute beloved

[inkykeiji]

lmao

[byanyan]

byan "i thought being a vampire would be sick as fuck but instead it's turned my life upside down, caused me to lose the few safety nets i actually had, and somehow given me less freedom where i thought it'd give me more" byun