#and yes i know I'm whining
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On the Job Together - or make sure your toothsy boyfriend companion is properly covered up in the sun, before even more of his kind come looking for that pilfered armor. (Space vampires on Tatooine sounds like a Really Bad Idea, but noone's informed this one about that...)
#Where is his helmet? I hear you ask... would you rather I skipped drawing that less than impressed expression on him? Next question#dincobb#I either draw a hat or a helmet on him the two together is not happening for a while yet#din djarin#cobb vanth#din x cobb#marshmando#monster mash#dincobb domestic bingo#my art#the mandalorian fanart#the mandalorian#I always whine and complain about it but I MISSED drawing all those flowers omg I'm so happy with how they turned out#dincobb fanart#I LOVE messing around with Cobb's magic robe and flower-growing magic hat#it's another question when it comes to shading but that really is not the point anyway#yes yes din is a vampire now in this AU it is finally settled#what's happening with the light around their cheekbones? good question - I don't know but I like how it looks
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🍷🍷 o'clock
I'm cold, my head hurts and I have heartburn.
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Why are the monsters in the savannah mines so aggressive like I'm just a girl trying to help her tiny giant friends leave me alone 😭
#coral island#coral island spoilers#yes i know i could change the settings but i need those battle points and I want to fill the monster dex#i just need to whine#like 5 monsters coming at me at once?? and I'm just one small girl?? unfair 😭#the fact that the “giants” are fucking tiny is so cute me still i love them
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we are all trying to reach home and belonging because we were made for something beyond this earth but why does it feel like some people have more access to that feeling right now
#in other words: i am once again asking why i am standing on the other side of the glass#the dorm people have been visiting each other?? people have been inviting each other over to their houses over the summer????#people are extending invitations to their friends freely too????? i did not know this#i mean. why am i surprised WHY am i surprised#i HATE to be like. okay well why haven't you invited me. why have i never been invited by anyone before. it sounds like whining to my ears#i mean. i AM whining. i have been sitting in this space for the past 2 hours in the same room with these people#and i am STILL on the outside. there's only FOUR OF US IN THE ROOM#praying for strength bc i have no energy to cry again. like yes i know the lonely little girl is still alive and weeping in my heart#but i am too tired to beg for love i am too tired to perform for it i am too tired to hold my hands out and say:#may i please receive this too. I AM TOO TIRED.#tired of feeling like i'm injecting myself into conversations! of being HERE but not totally belonging! of being the odd one out!#i know they like me but do they love me! why does it always have to feel like i'm CONSTANTLY ASKING for love!#the waiting room chapter
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This is a personal post.
#random personal stuff#personal whining ahead feel free to ignore#I made the mistake of dipping into the folder of emails from That Man (which I've kept just in case)#just to see if I could take it I guess? which was a mistake#they're full of pretentious rambling and posturing and jargon to establish himself as The Authority#then they drip with flattery: he says I'm brilliant and have so much potential to live up to etc. etc.#but then the little jabs - and the big jabs - the condescending 'I know you can do this'#he would rip me apart in class until I quit speaking up because I was afraid#and then send me emails informing me that my participation grade was lowish and I needed to work on 'playing the game'#and tell me that I was free to disagree! but it had to be based on more than silence#as if he didn't know that he was the reason I shut down#you're not really free to disagree if disagreeing means you get mocked and belittled?#so I couldn't even protect myself from the verbal attacks because I had to provide him fodder for mockery or else get marked down#he made me apologize to a classmate for my 'reticence and impatience' during her presentation on a loaded topic#that I didn’t want to discuss my views on in front of him#and he was so so careful in those emails not to say the worst things but in class...!#and my replies were so subservient#I wouldn't bend on my views but I wanted approval so badly as if what scum like him thought actually mattered#it's over now he's not my problem I know it was not my fault#do I still want to scream at him? yes#do I still want to tell the VP of academic affairs (my old adviser/mentor) the whole story? yes (can't - pointless now)#anyway I am going to go do chores and move on with my day thank you for listening
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challenges of writing fanfic: depicting a demon's speech going all creepy and demonic without resorting to fuckin' zalgo text. i hate zalgo text. it gives me a headache and i refuse to inflict it on other people myself.
#actual journaling#yes i know the answer is 'just describe it'#which is what i'm doing#i'm just whining
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It's happening again. Just as the prophecies foretold but I in my arrogance ignored, as I always do.
I'm rereading Interference and I wanna hit Mad Larry with a chair. :/
#megan whines into the empty abyss of cyberspace#OH MY GOD LAWRENCE PLEASE GET AN SSRI PRESCRIPTION AND TAKE A SEMINAR ON ACTIVISM BURNOUT I AM ON MY KNEES BEGGING YOU#ALSO YES I KNOW DR WHO CANNOT FIX REAL WORLD INJUSTICE I KNOW THIS BECAUSE DR WHO IS A FAKE FICTIONAL PERSON WHO IS NOT REAL#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH#i'm fine i promise
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ooc // just saw somebody criticizing the fnaf movie for being more of a family drama than about scary animatronics lol
like, to me fnaf 4 is the scariest of the games, but it HAS animatronics, it's not ABOUT animatronics.
#it's just weird bc...#non-fans of the games went in with weird expectations#and then are mad that fnaf is about fucked up family situations#(i would have preferred it to be R rated but also... fnaf has been about family dynamics for a LONG ass time)#(a lot of people just know the first game and think that's what fnaf is whoops)#yes i'm moving this blog i just needed to whine here while i'm doing it
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I'm really brave and strong and I am not upset that I have a problem that affects me daily that even my specialist lead in the field doctor doesn't know how to help me with
#Never be born with ehlers danlos syndrom worst mistake of my life#My pinkies subluxate at least once a day and before anyone asks yes I have tried the finger splints no they do not work#The knuckle tries to pop inwards and I have tried wearing the splints both ways neither one prevents this#so I just have to basically constantly keep it curled up tight nowadays#and its just so annoying and painful and my doctor doesn't even know how to help 😭#Like girl you discovered 23 new genes relating to this what do you mean you don't know how to help this#sorry for whining abt this so much but my entire right shoulder/elbow/wrist/pinky are#subluxated right now so I'm just feeling very poorly tonight#chittering
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ADHD Brain Moods™ (Derogatory Edition)
well, i got uuuuh four (4) sentences written of my ~Revisions~ today (i’m straight up not having a good time over here), but i DID jot down some classifications of the ADHD Brain Moods™ (Derogatory Edition), so have those instead internet:
>> “My brain is full of static” -- There’s nothing going on in there but ineffective Noise and it’s hell; I’m halfway to dissociated and everything is stupid and I Don’t Want To Be Here.
>> “My brain is full of spiders” -- Altogether too many legs; jerky, predatory, and agitated; itchy but can’t find the right spot to scratch for relief, Generally Irritated and Irritable
>> “My brain is full of crickets” -- Superficially seems quieter and level in there, but out of the blue we’ll SPRING to something totally unrelated and unexpected and we won’t get our scheduled shit done (or: Impulsive As Fuck)
#text#personal#whine whine whine#adhd#brain moods#anyway writing did Not Go Well but at least i have this stupid list that i can keep adding to when my brain is being Uncooperative#(and yes i know it's impending period time and i KNOW that makes it much worse but like. can we quit. i have shit to do and 48 weekend hour#and that's it. just. 48 hours. which is bullshit)#today started as crickets and then we slid into static for a while and now we're at spiders#but the order i recognized the Brain Moods is the one presented above#soooo i guess i'm gonna go knit to get a dopamine hit from finishing a square maybe#or just. read. also an option#i SHOULD do laundry. i absolutely don't want to do laundry.#in btw#driscoll#revising#writing
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i feel like i got nothing done at work today & my boss appears to operate under the impression that i am not a very effective worker but i did in fact staff a public service desk for 4 hours, work on my weeding project, schedule a summer program with an outside presenter, finalize an audiobook order, set up ingram carts for july & add several titles, plan two storytimes (each w/ theme, books, songs, & craft), and have two substantive planning conversations with coworkers. like? i do work, right, that's definitely. work
#yes i DID also read fanfiction about vegeta on my phone. what of it#irredeemable whining#i'm losing it i think#my boss' problems with me as far as i can tell are a) she doesn't know what i do & won't ask me#& b) my performance does not meet her expectations which she will not express explicitly#SORRY i am still whining about my job
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genuinely i think the funniest thing in the werewolf au is when jacob turns syb during the full moon and instead of running off and killing eli like he wanted to happen, she's hellbent on revenge and he spends practically the entire night trying to shake her off his tail, she's that relentless
#i'm struggling with act three for this fic#i know what i need to do to figure it out but i'm too sleeby rn#anyway. i think it's funny whenever syb gives jacob a hard time/whenever jacob's plans backfire on him#like 'ah yes. solid plan. too bad you didn't account for the woman it hinges on to be the most stubborn and retaliatory person in the world#whining wombat#anyway...sleeb#i see all your wonderful tags my friends i'm so sorry i will get to them this week
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"you don't want to sit down and have dinner with us?"
a) I have work. I am eating at my computer while I get a little work in
b) you are here for three fucking weeks and I have to carefully ration out my social energy, or you'll get me for the first week and then I'll actively hide from you and maybe move out for weeks two and three
#i'm still mad about the three weeks#if it had been one i'd have taken it off work entirely#if it had been two i would be more social over that#knowing i have to make it to the end of week three without turning into a monster...#heck yes i am avoiding you all frequently! i have to in order to remain a decently-behaving person!#yes i would like some cheese with my whine
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I honestly have a pretty bad time capturing the heliobi
#I was very sorry about Cirrus towards the end. I was terribly sorry about Keralum. I think it's awful the way they're treated as a whole#I won't even start about how their eternal imprisonment directly benefits the Alliance in how they make use of the heliobi but yes#I like this quest. I think some of the snippets are great and I'm loving the lore#But wow does it make me feel a terrible person at times#I wouldn't be doing this if I was really the MC I would be setting a Heliobi Rights association or something#Yes they're tricky and yes they pose a threat but come on the way they're treated is mostly awful and exaggerated#No wonder they're resentful#I wonder if the relationship is a bit different in the Zhuming. At times it seems it may be better and at times it seems it's even worse#But therein lies my silver lining for now I suppose#I talk too much#Anyway... Until he talked about eternal punishment I loved the way Jing Yuan talked with Cirrus and how he almost... comforted them#I loved their whole game of chess and how Cirrus and Jing Yuan both work in similar ways#Cirrus whines about Jing Yuan not being like Teng Xiao‚ mainly a warrior‚ at all#but for what we know of both generals Jing Yuan seems to be a more fitting opponent to Cirrus. They both work in similar ways#And use even similar analogies and metaphors#Also I may be suffering the blindness of those who can't but see what little they know or what they seek#but again I saw references to xiangqi I think#I love Jing Yuan a lot and I've loved Cirrus ngl#Ahfksjd rambling again#I'm sorry I just realised I didn't censore the names
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really pissed off at my sister for what I think are valid reasons that no one wants to address but me. and then I always become the asshole. what else is new.
#she literally always guilt trips me about being the only source of her happiness#and like manipulates me into entertaining her because she claims I'm her only friend#and then when i try to calmly explain that it's not fair of her to do that#and point out. accurately.#that she will always ask me to do things and when i begrudgingly say yes she's like 'ugh no fine you don't want do just say that'#but if i say 'honestly no i dont want to'#she sighs and whines and mopes and is like 'im so bored no one ever wants to do anythign with me i guess i'll just go to bed and die'#so when i explain all of this and say 'i honestly dont know what you want from me'#'should i pretend to want to do something and be miserable or should i just say no bc its gonna make you want to kys either way'#she gets pissy and angry and is like whatever just leave!#and then i was like 'have you tried talking to your therapist about your inappropriate reactions to people trying to help you'#and she fucking screamed at me like 'have you tried getting a job or going to school!' like.#honey you're proving my point you know that right..#she's allowed to have full blown fits and tantrums and scream at me and insult me#but when im like 'this isnt fair or healthy and its not okay'#for some reason her and my mom and my dad turn on me.#it's not fair that i am the sole straw that keeps her from being suicidal every day/#it's not fair to put that on one person it's just not.#and i never have any time or money or resources to get me help because it's all about her#and i know that she's more of a priority she has more pressing diagnoses more deserving of help#but im NEVER allowed to have a bad day. never. im not allowed to want to be by myself or lash out even once#whatever im just so tired of this#i just like to sit in my room and watch my shows and be by myself and even that pisses everyone off i guess#and like not to mention that she was complaining that i always talk about my interests and she never gets to#so i actively made an effort to stop making references and not talk about my fixations as much#and that just pisses her off more#like what do you want!!!!!!!#i've been making myself smaller and subservient to you my whole fucking life and it's not enough!!!!!!!#i cant do anything fucking right!!!!!!!!#what do you want from me!!!!!!!!!!!
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I am getting literally fifty to eighty notifications a day about the William Hartnell bisexuality comment. Please stop reblogging it. Let me rest.
#is this what it feels like to have a viral post bc it's not even my fucking post#megan whines into the empty abyss of cyberspace#I've sinned against librarians everywhere and I genuinely feel pretty bad about it honestly#like this was just a thing that everyone in classic fandom seemed aware of when I was first getting into dr who in 2011/12#but I can't actually source where that came from beyond 'everybody seems to know that'#and I should know better than to spread something I can't verify#ye gods why can't my notifs blow up about a post that I'm actually proud of#or is. y'know. even my post
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