#and yknow

[ellistruggle]

rough night

i miss drawing every now and then since i barely have time anymore.. and when i wanna draw but need inspo, i always go back to my roots and draw the gang

[toasty-owl-arts]

I just want… …to look… …at you

[whiskersoup]

i almost never post wips on here. UGHSHEJWGEYE IVE BEEN DRAWING THIS FOR 4 HOURS MY ARM HURTS IM HUNGRY I NEED TO PEE AND IM GONNA COLLAPSE FROM EXHAUSTION. anyways the cuties 🎀

[silksongeveryday]

Drawing Hornet everyday until Silksong comes out - Day 157

Requested by anonymous and @/novaad-agent !

[inky-duchess]

Game of thrones Absolutely should've done more with hats, Headwear, and crowns. The fact they didn't is just sad

I needed better crowns and tiaras. I mean I flapped my hands like a seal when Helaena wore a fringe tiara and Alicent wore hoods and veils.

THIS IS WHAT THE GIRLS WANT RYAN

[tillywunderwing]

@phoenix-and-found-family ‘s phoenix for art requests?

@phoenix-and-found-family this ask has only been sitting in my inbox for three and a halfish months but BEHOLD

the creature... i like their hair alot

bonus below

THREE OF THEM!! ( @wyvchard family portrait... )

[ominous-faechild]

Guys I literally JUST realized a thing about my autism/masking/alexithymia. I noticed there was an alexithymia tag here on tumblr and when I investigated, there was this one post listing these symptoms:

and I just--

I've had these exact, MAJOR struggles through my whole life for one.

But for two, and what's really interesting in my opinion...

Yesterday, I was having a video call with my mom. I've been off of some medications that I'm supposed to be taking because of financial issues, so my mental is NOT in a great place and I've had NO spoons for the past month. But while on call with her, she seriously, unironically, asked me if I thought I really needed the meds. Because, apparently, I "wasn't acting like I needed them" or something like that. And I'm sure I don't need to explain why that pissed me tf off.

But, like... at the time, the closest thing I could come up with for an answer was that "I have no spoons and no energy to do anything"; "I lived 17 years without meds, I kind-of know how to fake it"; and "I haven't had much socializing lately, so I have enough Social Energy™ to fake being okay right now."

Now that I'm not being put on the spot and after reading that post, I'm slowly figuring out that I've always done this. I mean, I've obviously always struggled to describe my own emotions and need to analyze my physical reactions to figure them out, but like. I'm just now starting to realize that I've really struggled to describe exactly how I'm "feeling bad" or, in fact, that I am feeling bad at all.

I mean, again, considering the alexithymia, that last part is a given. But it's kinda putting into perspective exactly how I've always had to understand "I don't have the energy to do anything" or "it's incredibly difficult to do anything" or "something deep inside of me feels Wrong™ and I can neither address nor identify it". I'd just passively have those "feelings" and struggle to continue life despite them.

It brings back thoughts of my struggles with masking, and how I was never diagnosed with autism as a child. Looking back, it should've been incredibly obvious. I had SO many of the tell-tale signs. But I guess it wasn't today, and there wasn't anywhere near as much awareness of what those signs were... but really. Textbook.

I'm sure my masking made it more difficult to recognize the signs as I got older. Hell, I even read over different "autism diagnosis checklist"s countless times, thinking to myself "oh wow it's a lot like me!... exceeeeeptttt--" and moved on from there.

I keep digressing. My point is, since discovering my autism and how it was hidden by masking, I've always wondered where my mask ends and where I begin. Most of the time, I feel like I feel nothing, even when I'm not depressed. I've been told I don't show my emotions, like when I'm happy (aka my chest is light and I feel free). That, or people can't tell when I like/dislike them (though that's partially a trauma thing). Other times, I've been told I'm smiling when I didn't even realize I was happy, much less that I was actually smiling. Some people have told me I'm incredibly easy to read, that my emotions show very clearly. But how can they when I feel like I feel nothing?

Which leads me back to what I said earlier, my conversation with my mother. How she asked if I actually need my meds because "I don't seem like I do". I guess I kind-of understand now, why she might've seen it that way. Do most people always show signs of how they actually feel? And how does the fact that I "don't feel" effect what I show?

I've wondered about that for a while. How much of how I act is because I was trained to, one way or another? How much of the emotion I show is because I learned to? Do I even show the emotions I feel? I really can't know because the people I know irl, who would better be able to tell me how I act, aren't understanding of any of these things. My older sister is lowkey ableist and thinks she sees the grand plan of the universe, my mother is too "pull yourself up by the bootstraps!!!" to accept Spoon Theory or mental health struggles, and just about everyone else in my life comes and goes as quickly as the wind.

Anyhow, this was a long rant that I've kinda had half-formed thoughts about for a while. Thanks for reading, hopefully this can help or entertain whoever stumbles upon this?

[turbo-gum]

Its not even funny how I could write a 10+ page character analysis on 2007 Raph and Leo and its even less funny how much I actually want to

[firesidefantasy]

Hi, I heard you designed that website for Albatris, it looks FANTASTIC!!!!

aww THANK U <3 that's super sweet <333

[56thingsinaname]

SKY?! BUT DP!!

[starrspice]

Stupid society

Making me work and earn money to pay bills and survive

I just wanna sit under the covers and doodle the fictional characters that bounce around in my head all day

[olivethetiger]

whoops sorry for freezing everything Portland

[11ofcrows]

Thinking about when my mom saw this drawing

And told me “you draw women’s backs really beautifully”

And I wasn’t sure what to say so I said “thanks I’m gay” and now I’m out here with these under my belt

I have improved but at what cost (the cost is I refuse to show these to my mom in fact I didn’t show her the first one idk how she saw it)

Also yes I reused the dragon from Rangi’s tattoo for Beidou I had drawn just the dragon for Leta’s tattoo and didn’t want it to go to waste plus I drew that Beidou in under 3 hours give me a break

[fishcop]

He really fell off

(badum tss)

This is a redraw of a thing I did a few months ago!

[himbosuplex]

i dont go here but there was a part of me between last season and this season that wanted to write a Buddietommy fic that was hurt-comfort before the show did anything else with them but

quite frankly the fandom scares me LMAO (no shade y'all are just DEDICATED)

and now here we are.