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cursedfanficdelicateogs · 4 years

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Amalgam

Word count: 4638

Ice cream isn’t exactly a priority during the apocalypse.

Especially if you’re an amputee.

And yet at the moment, Herman’s main problem is whether or not he can fetch a second helping of banana soft serve.

And well, if he could stop watching the Bee Movie right about now.

“Sorry if you don’t like banana,” Dr. Salmaki said, spooning out more ice cream. “But it’s not like dairy products can last very long these days.” Laughing, she pulled out the gold flower from her hair and tucked it back in at the crease behind her ear; an odd look for a woman in her mid-60s. Even more strange was that sunflowers still existed in this world. It was small, a blossom you would drive by on a summer afternoon but never know the name of. Unfitting to the world right about now, but it blended right into her hoarding garden Herman examined with the turn of his eyes.

Shrubs, trees, vines shrouded the room like a terrarium, except this time he wasn’t looking from the outside in. He was part of the lizards or bugs, trapped, with its wild chirp lost from the sense of overwhelming security. There was no need to try and survive.

He could sort of understand why those lizards died so quickly now.

Then again, he wasn’t a lizard.

“Not a fan of the Bee Movie?” Dr. Salmaki asked, turning the television off. Barry and Vanessa disappeared from the boxy screen with a blink of light, their animated voices cut off with a high-pitched click. Dr. Salmaki reached for her cane and pressed the eject button on the remote control, the VHS sliding out and hitting the ground.

He had forgotten how much he missed technology.

He shook his head, nonetheless.

“I’m not a fan of cartoons in general, I guess,” he replied.

“You get used to them once they are the only source of entertainment you have.” She paused. “Too literally in this case, considering it’s the only cartoon I have.” She chuckled again.

What was so funny?

“I’m never really home, so I guessed this crappy kids’ movie would be enough if I ever had to stay here at home for more than a day. Now look at me, my television is only useful to watch some anthropomorphic bees destroy the environment.” She said, smiling. He remained quiet, not sure how to respond.

“Not much of a talker, hm?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. Herman sipped up whatever was left in his bowl.

Melted bananas. His new favorite food.

“There’s not much to talk about,” he replied simply.

A pause of silence. Dr. Salmaki smiled, snickering as if he was some sort of pet.

“Looks like you’ve got a story, though.” She remarked, tapping his one foot with her cane.

He instinctively grabbed what was left of his right thigh, a burning shot firing down his limb.

Herman’s heart raced.

Thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-

The pain disappeared once his fingers made contact with the leg.

He was the butt of his body’s own sick joke.

“Please don’t do that.”

“Sorry.”

Another pause of silence.

“I used to have friends.”

Dr. Salmaki set her cane to the side.

“I wasn’t sure what happened to them now, especially after the meteor. Perhaps they could afford government-funded panic rooms, with their suburban wealth and all. Our family could’ve been a part of the system, too, if it weren’t for me.

Some, like my sister and I, stayed in communal panic rooms. These shelters were offered by local folk who supposedly took pity on us and our pleading parents.

There was only enough food for two more people, so mom and dad offered to go find some more for themselves and the rest of the group.

Fate had better places for them.

I never contributed much to the team. I focused on sports in school, so I wasn’t as smart as the others. At least my sister could go out and scavenge. She had a pretty voice, and combine that with our dusty, out-of-tune guitar and there you go, sanity was restored for a few hours.

It wasn’t my fault I didn't contribute anything to the group.. I couldn’t magically grow a limb back, and my body rejected the prosthetics available. But the other panic room members were generally sweet and frankly quite pitiful, sharing some of their food with me.

Food, like clothing and medical supplies, was among some of the first materials to run out.

As many other groups of people during the apocalypse did, we organized a scavenging party. My sister volunteered to go, despite the fact that several people urged her not to. Probably because of me. Nonetheless, she left, humming the tune to a song I have long forgotten the title to.

I may have not spent that much time with her than I should have, but I knew certain facts about her that others were slow to catch. One thing for sure, if she was absolutely silent, she was absolutely scared. It was unfair in a way, how she could just grow up so fast while I was stuck here, still living off of other people’s pity. Either way, it was neither of our choices to do so.

I began wondering if it was the common fate for whoever stepped out the metal door to never come back.

Panic grew. One left and again, never came back. Rations got smaller. I found out meetings have been pushed to nighttimes when I’m asleep.

“They’re planning to EAT you.” A pitiful woman whispered ruefully one day.

The metal door creaked open. I fled.

Surprisingly, no one dared to mess with me. No matter how menacing they looked, they’d just look away after glancing at my missing limb. It may be the apocalypse, but it takes a long time to just lose the pity from someone.

The most conflict I ever got was when I encountered some sort of gang along the way. They laughed at my amputation crudely, and they threw me some food like they were feeding some birds at a park. They said they’re not heartless to the point they would kill a cripple, immediately after shooting one of their members for 'wasting ammunition’.

...They showed me how to get to a place that would offer some food and shelter for a short time. When I thought I couldn’t go any further, I just saw an old woman with a flower in her hair.” He finished his story. How he got to a place where he could eat vegan ice cream for eternity.

“I mean, who knew that person would be some sort of apocalypse millionaire?” Herman asked, laughing emptily.

Dr. Salmaki, after listening quietly with a couple of cynical remarks, laughed wholeheartedly.

“I'm something, but not a millionaire.”

She sighed, a smile lingering on her expression.

“Well, perhaps it’s not the happiest story, but it’s one indeed,” she said.

“I guess.”

“I don’t want to waste too much of your time, y'know, listening to me, but I used to have a grandson.”

“What happened to him?”

“Oh, wasn’t fortunate I suppose. He contracted a disease and medication wasn’t good enough for him. Perhaps it’s my fault, I promised his parents I would take care of him and yet I was always out, investigating in the laboratory.”

They both sighed.

“Dr. Salmaki, I don’t want to sound rude, but maybe it’s best to keep the past in the past, you know? I mean, I used to have two legs, but it’s not like I try to remind myself of it everyday. It just... helps to think about something else. Especially when you can’t do shit to help yourself with the current problem.”

She rested her head against the seat of the plant-occupied couch. Her green eyes lost its usual inspired twinkle, but as soon as she made eye contact it was back.

“Yes, that’s a good idea. It's no use reminiscing!” she exclaimed, laughing wholeheartedly.

“What should I be calling you? I just realized I’ve been eating ice cream with a complete stranger.” She asked.

“It’s Herman. I was named after a Greek god, apparently,” he replied, shrugging.

“It’s better than Artemis. You would’ve been named after a goddess of virginity.”

They laughed.

"I’m done with angsty talking, we're not characters in a YA novel, now. How about some music?” She asked.

“Sure.”

Dr. Salmaki stood up, stretching out her joints. Herman grimaced internally of how many cracking sounds her body was making.

She walked over to the counter and from the dark, seemingly pulled out a radio and something else. She carried it back to the couch and set it between the two of them. She pulled out the disc box and took out the disc inside, handing him the box. While she was figuring out how to get the old radio to work again, he examined the empty case and its flashy writing.

Lysa and Ellie’s Playlist for the Apocalypse

It seemed to be written on plain letter paper with markers. He flipped it over to the back, and there was what he assumed was a list of the songs in this playlist.

Paparazzi

Perfect Illusion

Applause

Aura

Government Hooker

Paper Gangsta

Dope

Bad Romance

Telephone

“I didn’t know you were a fan of Lady Gaga, Dr. Salmaki,” he said, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m not. I used to be a camp counselor for this one science camp a coupla’ years ago. It was called “Apocalyptic Science”, you probably know what it would be about based on the name. I hate prepubescents, but I was fond of these two girls, Lysa and Ellie. I dunno, they just reminded me of who I was when I was their age, maybe that’s why. Anyways, they asked me if I was a fan of Lady Gaga, and I said no. Not sure how they were able to burn a CD with explicit music at a limited technology camp, but they handed this to me on the last day as a gift.” She explained, pressing the play button.

“What a coincidence, isn’t it?” She remarked.

The machine whirred and clicked for a good half-minute before it finally decided to play some music.

“We are the crowd, we’re c-coming out, got my flash on it’s true….”

He froze.

“What’s wrong?” Dr. Salmaki asked.

“Oh, um, it’s nothing,” he replied.

“Your expression tells otherwise.”

“It’s just that… I didn’t know this was the song that my sister was humming before she left, you know? I can’t believe I’m just recognizing it right now.”

He paused, trying to figure out how he was feeling at the moment. How could he forget? She was always talking and singing about Lady Gaga. Did he simply not care to remember her favorite songs, maybe even try to share that single interest with her?

The two of them have been through thick and thin, and yet they barely even knew each other.

Or was it just him who knew nothing about who she really might have been?

“I feel so dumb,” he said, his voice hardly more than a whisper.

Dr. Salmaki sighed.

“It’s a feeling you get used to with time. I can’t know everything, even if emotions say otherwise,” she responded.

“But anyway, there’s no use reminiscing. You’ve even said that yourself, didn’t you?” she confirmed, smiling.

He let out a forced breath of laughter. He couldn’t contradict himself.

“You’re right, there’s no point sulking about what I can’t change. Gotta enjoy the moment.” he replied. She laughed heartily.

“That’s the spirit! Do amputees dance, or what?” she asked, lending him a hand.

He smiled, using her hand and his crutch to stand himself up.

“Of course.”

***

It’s been a few weeks since he’s been staying with Dr. Salmaki. He's learned that she not only does she have an indoor garden as her home, but she also owns a small farm of animals in her shed. Well, it’s more of a home for her pets, since she never uses them for food. But at this point, he has gotten used to a vegan diet, and it wasn’t like it was his position to complain anyway.

“Hey, Herman, get over here for a sec.” Dr. Salmaki hollered from the other side of the house. He stopped his doodling and walked to where her voice came from.

She was standing by the metal door, where her inventory was located. It was always locked for safety purposes, but he had no reason to step in there. But he respected her choice nonetheless. He wasn’t planning to build suspicion by asking about it any more than he needed to, anyway.

“What do you want?” he asked, watching as she punched in the code for the door.

“Remember when I said this was my inventory? Well, surprise surprise, that was a lie.”

After opening the heavy door, she turned on the lights to reveal some sort of laboratory.

With mixed emotions and disordered questions, he hoarsely replied,

“...What?”

“Hey, do you want to see something cool?”

Without even waiting for a response, she filled up an empty tank with tap water and mixed in a large amount of salt with it. She then proceeded to pluck the signature flower from her hair and drop it into the water.

The blossom seemed to shrivel for a moment, as it sunk wistfully down to the bottom.

As he was about to ask how this was supposed to be ‘cool’, the flower’s petals suddenly began to thicken and spread out. It had bloomed as if it was an early spring morning.

Immediately it started to form suction cups you would only see on octopi all around itself, and soon it found its way towards the glass wall and stuck itself to it. It slithered around, the new creature's tentacles feeling around its territory.

He watched, awestruck and but mostly disgusted.

“It’s like a… a-”

He tried to think of the right term.

“A starfish? A squid? Close but no cigar. That’s what you get when amalgamating a Maximilian sunflower with a typical octopus,” she explained. She observed with dull eyes as if this was nothing new.

“But how? I don’t understand how someone could just so easily do this.” he said, confused.

“I used to be a genetic engineer. Heh, sorry lying about my profession again. But did you really think I was a BOTANIST?” she asked, chuckling softly.

“But that still doesn’t explain how one could possibly do this. Isn’t this… I dunno, impossible?” he asked.

“Impossible, yes. For Earth, that is.”

“Goddamnit, that doesn’t explain anything! What are you saying, what, you’re some kind of alien?”

“Ha, I wish. We’re wasting time, Herman. Do you really want to hear this stupid story?”

“Uh, yeah, especially now that you’re saying that we’re ‘wasting time’ for something I have zero knowledge about.”

Dr. Salmaki sat down on one of the metal stools.

“Ugh, fine… Well, to begin, I was appointed by the government to figure out ways for people to go through the apocalypse without, ya know, dying.

We had our astronomist, botanist… pretty much the cream of the crop from each field of study. Hell, we even had a pastor. That’s how desperate the government was. We grew close, but we knew enough not to depend on each other too much. They were all intelligent people, smarter than me at least. But even the smartest people couldn’t figure out how to make the quality of living better while still remaining under budget.

I think we gave up on what we could do with what was left of the Earth once we focused on the meteor.

From what was concluded from the research, the meteor couldn’t have fallen ‘accidentally’ or ‘naturally’. It was either thrown by some galactic giant or was just a meteor with a very strange orbit defying all laws of physics. Both seemed pretty unlikely. The meteor was also releasing a whole new element to the environment, a substance rebelling against the laws of nature. Too bad the press barely even existed anymore, it’s a breakthrough that would’ve shocked everyone.

We conducted all sorts of experiments with it, but with our limited resources we could only go so far until we hit another brick wall. We put safety before anything, but it’s difficult to balance security with discovery. We weren’t finding anything with lab rats. Exposing them to the meteor's element would only create some sort of gooey mutant. And we couldn’t risk losing possibly the only species alive by using something other than our abundant rats. No one wanted to die, either, despite their half-baked statements of sacrifice for the greater good.

The greater good only sounds sweet if it doesn’t involve yourself, after all.

I think at one point the government got tired of our shindigs and complaints, so they decided to cut whatever rat’s tail funding and resources that went to us. As if the world is gonna repair itself.

After packing up whatever I brought to the laboratory, I decided to stop and talk to the pastor who for whatever reason stayed with us until the end.

“Why didn’t you just leave?” I asked.

“Who am I to go against God’s will?” He asked back, calm despite the uneasy silence.

“So it’s god’s will to set you in some safety net with guaranteed food and rest? While everyone else is suffering out there, scrambling and murdering each other for a morsel of food? Got it.”

He chuckled.

“What’s so funny?”

“Not a fan of Jesus, I assume?”

“I mean, do you think I’m in this field just to worship some entity I have no knowledge or proof of its existence?”

“It’s the whole point of faith. It’s the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

“Well, assurance from some outdated book isn’t enough for me. I need concrete proof, a hypothesis I’m 99 percent certain would be correct. I suppose that’s why religious people don’t make sense. You see them do ridiculous acts like bombing a village or flying into provenly dangerous lands all in the name of their gods.”

“Precisely. Some perform dangerous crimes or actions, blinded by faith. But we are all blind in a way, since we are all sinners. What differentiates us is what leads us through that darkness and where we go because of it.” He explained. He walked into his room and came back with some sort of yellow flower in a plastic cup.

“That’s a Maximilian sunflower. How did you manage to grow it?” I asked, holding it by the makeshift pot.

“I’ll be honest, it got a little boring to just watch everyone continue with their studies. You can keep it.” He responded.

“I mean, thanks, but why?”

“The sunflower symbolizes loyalty. They’re always facing the sun, even though ffor humans the sun is too bright to the point it blinds them. I feel like that was how loyal you are to science and your field. I admire it, how you proceed step-by-step to make sure the experiment is safe for all.”

I rolled my eyes.

“I may be passionate, but it’s not like I’m brilliant. I mean, if you’ look back you can obviously see that we haven’t seen any benefits to the new element, despite our efforts.”

“True. So perhaps it’s time to take a leap of faith. You all have been so caught up in the hypothetical dangers of it up to this point.” He said, walking towards the door.

“Whatever your choice may be, I have faith in you.” the pastor said, and left the laboratory.

I looked back at the unused specimen, stored in their glass cages, tanks, or whatever environment they needed to be kept in for basic survival.

Government workers were going to come in tomorrow to clean and take everything that belonged to them.

Quickly, I took everything that I could carry in my car. The sun has already set, and I needed to hurry if I had to make a second trip.

It was time to make a leap of faith.”

Dr. Salmaki finished her story.

“And look where that leap of faith took me,” she said, pushing the curtain away and turning on the lights to the opposite side of the laboratory.

All this time, Dr. Salmaki has been hiding a plethora of animals and organisms, several of which Herman had never even seen before.

“The meteor’s element, when used correctly, seems to have the power to amalgamate one organism with another. Strangely, it knows what traits to keep and what to throw away. It knows what characteristics have helped each organism survive in its habitat.” she explained. She walked to one glass tank and motioned him to follow.

Inside was an egg, its shell resembling a tortoise’s.

“Of course, I’ve had failed experiments that didn’t lead me anywhere. But it just helps me learn what not to do, I suppose.”

It seemed to crack and split open, only to reveal its exact same form.

“An amalgamation of an unhatched chicken egg and a tortoise. This is its entire form. A shame, ain’t it? Well, it does what it does to survive, I suppose.” She said, soon dragging me to another glass crate. It seemed to be a regular hamster, except with the face of a pig.

He grimaced. A pig’s snout just didn’t belong on a hamster.

“The hamster’s food pouches helps it conserve food for an amount of time, and its snout can easily find food in its habitat. The tusks can help fend off predators, and its small size is helpful when escaping them. The swine’s social side and the hamster’s independent side seems to coexist. I’d consider this new species an ambivert, y’know, whatever that means to you..” She explained.

“The most contrasting the two amalgamating organisms are, the better. Look at the egg and the tortoise, they both shield themselves with thick shells to survive. And they would. But they wouldn’t last long. Natural selection would take the best of them, considering their lack to reproduce. At least that’s what I hypothesize.” she added. She led him into another room, its door hidden behind a pillar made of amalgamations tanks stacked against each other.

If Dr. Salmaki’s living space was overshadowed by plants, then her true laboratory was overrun by wires.

“Don’t electrocute yourself,” she remarked jokingly. It didn’t help with his growing panic at all. He fumbled over the hazardous thicket while she weaved her way through the web she had somehow made.

Approximately a third of the room was blocked off with glass on the opposite side. It was the only area he’s ever seen in this house empty, with the exception of a couple of unfamiliar machinery here and there.

She sat down on an office chair, its leather wearing down into stripes of black and exposed cotton. Behind it was a long desk, just as discorded as the floors and walls.

“Jesus Christ, Do you ever clean up, like at all?” he snapped out of anxiety. She shrugged.

“It only wastes time from what’s really important,” she replied nonchalantly.

With a simple hit of a button on her computer, the glass slowly began to swing open.

“The glass worked as a divider between me and the two organisms, so I wouldn’t get amalgamated with them. But I suppose we don’t need it now, do we?” She asked, chuckling softly.

“What’s going on?”

“Think for yourself.”

He took a brief moment to collect his thoughts to bring a conclusion. But what he came up with didn’t make sense at all.

“You’re going to… amalgamate yourself with me?” he asked carefully, hoping for a correction.

She nodded, unable to hide her smile.

Questions flooded Herman’s mind, yet at the same time he didn’t want to know anything.

“At first glance you might be the last person anyone would ever want to combine themselves with. No offense, by the way.”

Herman was too baffled to be insulted.

Dr. Salmaki stood up and marched right over to the one-legged boy. She seemed to take his silence as a ‘“none taken”’, as she continued on.

“My grandson died from a common cold, Herman.” She said, a bitter undertone lying hidden from her nonchalant fashion.

“It doesn’t make any sense how you could survive for this long. There’s something special about you, something DIFFERENT from all the others.”

He tried to think of a solid reason as to convince her not to do this, to just go along with their lives as they had before. He could forever be under her command, a silent servant paid with unstable mercy. Or he could be her new grandson, immediately, almost forcefully adopted into a madhouse family. Either way, it would be difficult going back to his golden peak of the apocalypse. His golden peak ever in his life. He thought Dr. Salmaki was the person that finally understood him.

“You’re being irrational.” He finally argued.

With her signature cane, Dr. Salmaki struck Herman’s right foot. Without his own physical support system, he fell right into the rubbery nest of wires tangled across the floor.

The mad scientist pulled down a lever, a periwinkle gas escaping from the vents once contained beyond the glass door.

She crouched next to the amputee, taking his hand and holding it firmly as if silently saying goodbye.

“There is no rationality in faith.”

The gas, after slowly travelling across unfamiliar territory, finally reached the two human figures.

Swoosh.

---

Swoosh.

Wind flies through the ever expanding gaps in my body.

It’s chilling.

It would take more than a billion years for Earth to reset if humans were wiped out from the planet.

Not to boast, but it only took me seven years.

A tedious period of time, yes, but in the end I’ve got the job done. Who knew a monster born in a messy, purple clogged laboratory would be so beneficial to life?

And all it took was a meteor.

To be honest, humanity was doomed. Even if Earth had gone back to its Garden of Eden, there would be no way people could live in harmony, whether that would be between nature, extraterrestrials, or themselves. What would be the point of moving to another life-sustaining planet, if all humans would do is turn it into a self-obsessed cacophony? A human is a toxic cycle with no end, spiraling to their own demise.

That’s why their new home is not earth, mars, or any other undeserving planet, but my mind. They live in an imaginary world, an exact replica of a world without the meteor strike, minus the memories of the horrifying apocalypse.

It’s not fun. Their little society is an infection.

Somehow, I can amalgamate with anything and everything, even without the element extracted from the meteor. Except my physical body tries to reject anything and everything I try to amalgamate with. So whatever the amalgamation may be is temporary, until I’ve had enough of it and eject it out of myself, turning whatever organism that was once part of me into lifeless waste. Quite literally. The first human I ever tried to amalgamate with was spit out as some sort of foul and nasty slush.

I’ve learned to take better control of when that happens.

That’s why this time, the purge of this once major amalgamation is all controlled and consented by yours truly.

Lucky for them, this isn’t going to be a complete wipe out of humanity.

Just a ‘natural disaster’ so that, for now, the amalgamation would be a bit more bearable. I’ve envisioned it several times. A meteor would fall to earth. Everyone except a small minority dies either directly or indirectly.

Society is in crumbles, and society is quiet for once.

And so I do it. I close my eyes, focus on the little Earth I’ve created, and send out a lonesome shooting star toward them.

A horrible discord rings, pulsates through my mind and through the tips of my limbs, and it stops after a few seconds.

I open my eyes, stand up, and walk over to the hoarding garden I call my home. I pluck a couple of bananas, prepare and blend them, and put them in the freezer for a familiar dessert.

Ice cream isn’t exactly a priority when you have destroyed society.

Especially if you are, quite literally, one of a kind.

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stevenuniversallyreviews · 5 years

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Episode 115: Adventures in Light Distortion

”There's no time.”

Steven recently had a really long day. It began with checking out an art exhibit at the barn, and ended in a spaceship grappling with his mother’s dark and secret past. It had its moments, like fusing into Smoky Quartz, but all in all it was life-changingly bad. It’s not fair that another such day has come for him so soon, but here he is.

We don’t have a moment to waste as this follow-up to Steven’s Dream opens, because every second spent on Earth is a second where Greg is speeding further from it. Steven is already blaming himself for the abduction, adding a more personal sense of rush to the affair. The irony is that while Blue Diamond’s actions aren’t his fault, the guilt he harbors causes serious mistakes that are his fault. But considering the dire circumstances, who could blame him?

Even the exposition here is swift and economical, as Garnet gives Amethyst and Pearl the lowdown on our last episode and Pearl dusts off her old Pearlsplaining cap from Season 1 to tell us about the Zoo. As is standard to this show, we learn important plot details while developing the character relaying them: in this case, on top of being a great showcase of Pearl’s nerves (“Amethyst, turn into a chair, I need to sit down!”), we add new wrinkles to her past. Her terror is informed by how anxious she was at seeing the palanquin in Steven’s Dream, and that brief moment of her eyes darting away from “When I still served...Homeworld” speaks volumes. We’ll go into more detail later about the implications of the Zoo and Pink Diamond’s efforts to help Earth through half-measures before going full Rose, but for now, it’s a terrific beat in retrospect that Pearl only knows where Greg was taken because she served the creator of his new prison.

With the Gems all caught up, we get straight to business prepping for takeoff, and it’s here that Steven makes his first two mistakes. First, he brushes off Peridot, the planet’s most qualified expert in modern Gem space travel. He doesn’t even invite her along, despite how obviously helpful she would be. Impatience trumps any sense of caution, and while it doesn’t make much sense for him to leave a helpful ally behind even in his frazzled state, her inability to grasp the importance of the situation (mixing serious travel concerns with pointless aesthetic quibbles) perhaps makes her a liability in his mind. Regardless, his second mistake is even bigger when it comes to his personal life, and it also involves leaving someone behind.

Yes, there’s no time to waste. So no, he probably shouldn’t have waited for Connie. He even tasks her with defending Beach City, showing that he does value her as a fighter as well as a friend. By itself, this probably wouldn’t be that big of a deal. But alongside his second foray into space down the line, it’s understandable that Connie starts to think that Steven doesn’t take her as seriously as he should. While there’s truth to that, the bigger issue is that Steven thinks that he alone should bear the burden of his perceived mistakes, and while it’s only hinted at now, that sense of martyrdom only gets worse as his guilt grows. This is a throwaway moment in the episode, but has major ramifications down the line.

And then we’re off! I’m honestly not into the gag of Pearl still not getting that 70 years is a long time for humans—it works early on, such as in Space Race, but she definitely would know better by now—and it’s joined by her not knowing the word for “birthday” despite several episodes introducing her to the concept. She’s grown a lot, and at times the show doesn’t seem to want to reflect this when an easy joke can be made. But at least she’s good at winding her way through a variety of space rocks, including tiny sentient ones.

Upon remembering the whole reality warping element of modern Gem space travel, Steven makes another hasty decision in boosting the speed, despite acknowledging that it might kill him. I mean, he makes a joke about how syrup can go with his new pancaked form, but it’s still an acknowledgment that self-sacrifice is a badge he’s proud to wear. And while it’s obviously a good thing that he survives, it can’t be healthy for his self-image to be proven right when he takes actions that might hurt or kill himself to help others.

Perhaps not wanting to delve too deeply into that topic quite yet, we get an extended comedy bit about the weird distortions the Gems face as physics gets wonky, as well as a small lesson about how light constructs work (complete with unusually cartoony diagrams, such as the one above comparing heights). I’m surprised by how effective the humor is; it’s not riotously funny to me or anything, but considering the stakes it really ought to feel annoying and in the way, and it works just fine. Part of the reason is that there’s nothing else to do while we’re waiting for the ship to arrive, so nothing feels interrupted. But I also appreciate it because it finally starts to show how destructive Steven’s rashness can be.

Activating the gravity engine was a choice that was reckless, but made sense: Steven needed to get to his dad in fewer than 70 years. But frantically pressing buttons he doesn’t understand to fix the Gems, instead of letting a more experienced hand figure it out, is almost frustratingly dumb. I say “almost” because it’s crystal clear by now that Steven is losing it, and the sight gags of our growing and shrinking Gems can’t hide that something is going to go wrong. When it inevitably does, and Steven is alone for the first time since Greg’s abduction, all that manic energy collapses into the grief he’s been trying to put at bay.

After the little visualized diagrams and the distorting forms of the Gems, we get an even more impressive animation-exclusive sequence: the striking use of onion skinning to convey the mindbending speed of the ship. Together with the ruby red lighting and the immediate disappearance of the Gems’ bodies, the tone lurches from one form of alarm to another. What was once a frenzied dash to fix things becomes a life-threatening race against the clock, and allows for one of the best performances of Zach Callison’s tenure on the show.

Steven has panicked before, but the greatest asset of this episode is Callison’s ability to crank it up a notch and sell the sheer stupefying terror of not knowing what to do in a crisis. He’s amazing throughout the episode as he practically hyperventilates his lines without delving into overdramatic emoting, but his despair as he’s left all alone on a doomed ship is heartwrenching.

It takes a strong performer and good, earnest writing to make a scene like this work, because verbally laying out all of your problems could come across as just telling instead of showing, and openly weeping can falter in any number of ways. It could’ve been melodramatic, it could’ve been overly childish, it could’ve been incoherent, and instead it’s a raw and moving outburst of sorrow after an episode where huge tears were a reaction to danger instead of emotion.

It’s also a great choice to follow up this moment of anguish with quieter determination. Instead of narrating his newfound resolve as he tries again to turn off the warp speed, this time eventually succeeding, the sequence is wordless and tense. Steven doesn’t need to tell us why he’s trying so hard, and after such a strong speech there’s no need to gild the lily when visuals work on their own.

The return of the Gems coincides with the return of regular light and animation, creating a palpable sense of relief despite it being sort of a given that they weren’t really going to kill off three main characters in this episode. Garnet provides Steven some much-needed reassurance, and while it doesn’t solve his martyr complex forever, it’s a welcome capper to the episode.

The logistics of an episode that’s literally just getting our characters from one place to another can’t be easy to navigate. If the crew wanted, we could’ve used that warp speed to jump straight to the action. Still, despite moving faster than light, it’s nice to slow down from the huge cliffhanger of Steven’s Dream to let our hero have a moment to collect his thoughts. Now that the initial shock has had a chance to pass, we can proceed with the rescue operation with a competent Steven that isn’t unrealistically okay with how things are going, and as a bonus we get our second episode since Bubbled that explores Steven’s increasingly sacrificial mindset. Everything working out for the best may seem like a neat way to finish Adventures in Light Distortion, but we’ll see the downsides in time.

Future Vision!

Yes, Steven leaving Connie behind is a catalyst for the Breakup Arc. But perhaps more importantly, they combine with Garnet similarly tasking Peridot and Lapis to protect Beach City to form the Crystal Temps!

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

A perfectly good entry in the Steven Universe catalog, bolstered by an amazing performance from Zach Callison, but ultimately an episode that isn’t too special on its own. It needs Steven’s Dream to pack its full punch, and the victory at the end is just reaching our next episode safely. Still, I like it!

Top Twenty

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

Last One Out of Beach City

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Mindful Education

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Earthlings

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Bismuth

Steven’s Dream

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Chille Tid

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Catch and Release

When It Rains

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Crack the Whip

Beta

Back to the Moon

Kindergarten Kid

Buddy’s Book

Gem Harvest

Three Gems and a Baby

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Steven vs. Amethyst

Bubbled

Adventures in Light Distortion

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

Know Your Fusion

Future Boy Zoltron

No Thanks!

6. Horror Club 5. Fusion Cuisine 4. House Guest 3. Onion Gang 2. Sadie’s Song 1. Island Adventure

#adventures in light distortion #steven universe #su #steven universally #review

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p-artsypants · 5 years

Text

Arcadia or Bust (14)

Guys, this is the chapter I’ve been waiting for. You have no idea how much research I did to get this right. Hope you enjoy!

This one is for @anxious-freak, who’s recovering from heart surgery. He’s a real bro and always encourages me to do my best. I hope this chapter doesn’t give you horrible flashbacks, because I just realized what I did to Jim.

Ao3 | FF.net

—

Things were getting better.

After his date with Claire, Jim had come back home to assure his mother that everything was fine.

Both her and James were in the living room, talking. James had a large ice pack on his head, and looked rather pitiful.

Barbara only smiled at him.

“I uh…” Jim began. “I’m sorry for being so rough, I guess...”

James held up a hand to stop him, “Jim, I don’t hold anything against you. I...haven’t had a fix since I came here, so I find myself extremely angry and irritable all the time...I never should have hit your mother. I’ve apologized to her...and now I’m apologizing to you.”

Jim tugged on his horn. This sounded too familiar, though he didn’t want to admit it. “I understand...” then he pointed a harsh finger at him. “Don’t let it happen again!”

“Oh, I won’t!” James agreed, with a little laugh, since he would be an idiot to even touch Barbara now.

From there, Jim and James reached a little understanding.

Jim was very slowly adapting to trying to live his old life with his new body.

The next day at school, he didn’t wear any sort of disguise, only a hood when he went outside.

Senior Uhl stared at him, blinked, and then continued on like nothing was wrong.

In gym, the students played a game to see how many people could sit on his back before he couldn’t push up on a push-up.

It took six people, including Toby, to keep him down.

“Lake!” Coach Lawrence bellowed across the gym.

“Yeah Coach?”

“You’re joining the football team! No ifs, ands, or buts about it!”

“But—“

“NO IFS, ANDS, OR BUTS, LAKE!”

“I don’t know how to play football!”

Steve threw an arm around his shoulders. “Oh don’t worry, Jimmy Boy! We’ll teach you all you have to know!”

“Looking forward to it...” he rolled his eyes.

“This week is an away game, but I expect you to be ready to play next Friday.” Then Coach rested his hands on his shoulders. “Please Lake, we haven’t won a single game the last two years, but we have eight left this season! If we win those eight, we can still go to state.”

“Alright, alright.” He rolled his eyes. “But you better work it out with Miss Janeth. She wants me to be in the drama this year too.”

“Oh we already talked it out. It’s a spring time production.”

“Unbelievable.” Jim muttered under his breath. “It’s like I’m not my own person anymore.”

“Welp, that’s what you get for being the savior of the Earth!” Coach praised, slapping him on the back.

Soon the bell ring, and the rest of the day went by in a flash.

Through no fault of his own, Jim didn’t get the opportunity to learn football until the end of the week. Between the other player’s in practice, and Trollhunter duties, Jim found himself turning to the one person left to teach him.

Though Arrrgh wasn’t exactly a teacher in the first place. “Take ball. Cradle ball. Love ball. Run with ball. Stop at yellow pole. Bury ball in the ground.”

Jim smiled at his friend. “Uh, thanks Arrrgh. That was…that was something.”

—

Friday morning, Jim returned back to his house in the early hours. He showered and dressed for the day, ran a load of laundry, and straightened up the house, as usual.

Why James couldn’t do any of this? No idea. Jim was just glad he never had to see where he had been living up until now.

Though, given that he claimed to be a millionaire at one point, he probably had a maid. But that wasn’t his business, and he didn’t actually care.

Jim made several lunches. Pasta Primavera for Toby, Claire, and Barbara, and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for James. He also left five dollars on the counter for Merlin’s McDonald’s craving. That man was going to get fat if he didn’t slow down.

Finally, 8 o’clock rolled around and it was time for school. Toby and Claire waited patiently outside.

“Morning!” Claire chirped.

“Good morning, mi amor.” He swooped down and gave her a smooch on the cheek.

“Gross.”

“Aww, jealous Tobes? Wanna little smooch too?”

“Not from you, Jimbo. I got a gal waitin’ for me.”

“Suit yourself. Here,” he handed over the two bags. “Pasta Primavera, with fresh veggies!”

“Looks awesome Jim!” Claire praised. “But what about you?”

“Oh uh,” he wandered over to the recycling bin. “Let’s take a look.” He grabbed a paper bag and filled it with a variety of trash. A few tin cans, a sock with hole in the toe, and a black, plastic wrapped block that had been sitting on top of the lid. “Ready!”

“Awesome! Dude, I’m so glad you got that truck. Now I don’t have to ride my bike to school every day.”

“Aw cmon Tobes, bike riding is good for you!”

“Yeah, but considering all the running around we do daily, I think I’m pretty set. Did you know I lost 10 pounds over the summer while you guys were gone? I would have lost more, but I was gaining muscle, and muscle weighs more than fat.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Agreed Claire, amicably, “Swinging that hammer had to be a work out. Darci must be loving it.”

“Yeah, I gotta bulk up so I can carry her over the threshold, y’know?”

“Okay, that’s cute.”

They arrived at school, Jim making sure his hood was up before exiting the car. They made their way through the courtyard, several students waving in greeting, while others couldn’t help but stare.

Jim got it. He looked scary and he was different. But god, couldn’t they try to be a little more subtle? Surely everyone had seen him by now, right?

At any rate, Jim yawned as he took out his books for his first few hours, and then stuffed his lunch in his locker.

“You okay, Jimbo?” Toby asked.

“Yeah, just kinda tired. I didn’t sleep last night.”

“Nightmares?”

“No, I literally never slept. Arrrgh and I were…kinda playing football.”

“Oh, so you’re good for next Friday?”

Jim laughed. “Not even remotely! There’s so many rules I don’t know. It was fun to just tackle each other. It was just wrestling, but there was a Football there.”

Toby snorted. “Well, everyone else is going to be tired too. Don’t think you’re the odd one out.”

“Haha, very funny.”

In homeroom, Senior Uhl took attendance, now used to Jim’s appearance. Once everyone had been accounted for, the students were free to roam for the half hour. Steve was immediately next to Jim.

“Okay, so what I’m thinking is that you come to the game tonight at St. Joe and watch. I’m sure coach will let you sit down with the team if you’re learning.”

“St. Joe? Isn’t that like three hours away?”

“Yeah, but it’s not that bad.”

Jim groaned slightly. “I don’t know if I want to drive that far.”

“Well, I’ll see if coach will let you ride on the bus. Especially if he wants you on the team.” He paused a minute and added, “Toby and Claire can come too. If they want.”

“I’ll see if I can swing it. What time should I be here for the bus?”

“I dunno. Ask Coach.” Steve shrugged, wandering off.

Toby turned around in his seat. “Gotta answer every call, huh?”

“Yep. Thankfully the whole Gunnar thing is over now, and I’m not trying to balance my life with the end of the world.” He noticed the student next to him clicking his pen as he worked on his homework, but tried to ignore it. “As long as no major disaster strikes, I’ll be fine.” He knocked on his desk.

The clicking continued.

“It’s just one season. This will give you another chance to test your strength! It’ll be awesomesauce! Just...mowing down the other team left and right!”

“It’ll actually be a better test of self control and—would you knock it off!?” He shouted at the poor boy next to him, a roar coming out.

The kid fell out of his seat in fear. “I’m sorry! I didn’t even know I was—please don’t hurt me!”

“Is there a problem, Mr. Lake?” Senior Uhl asked, arms crossed.

Jim felt awful. “No! Oh no no! I’m sorry!” He reached over and picked the kid up off the floor with ease. “I don’t know what got into me. I’m so sorry!”

“It’s okay...” the kid returned, warily. “I’ll just use a pencil instead.”

The rest of homeroom passed in silence for Jim, and in whispers with the rest of the class.

The next hour, Jim and Toby had History with Mr. Strickler. Though he was the principle now, Walt still had an affinity for History and for teaching. That, and it was hard to find a replacement for AP US History. And who better than someone who lived through it?

In class, Jim was doing fine. As long as he had something to focus on, he was able to act like a human being.

Then the clicking came back again.

Jim growled in his throat, catching Toby’s attention.

“Pst, Jimbo, wasn’t wrong buddy?”

“Nothing, it’s fine.” He glanced over to the kid who had been clicking in homeroom. He was using a pencil. But he glanced up and met Jim’s eyes, widening when he heard the clicking too.

“It wasn’t me...” the kid mouthed.

Jim nodded, and glanced around the room. Then he saw it. Shamus, a friend of Steve’s and local bully, was looking right at him, clicking his pen on purpose.

Jim snarled at him in response.

“Is there a problem, Mr. Lake?”

Jim swiveled back around, realizing in annoyance that he had fallen right into Shamus’ plot. “No sir, just...sensitive to that clicking noise.”

“Yes, it is quite unpleasant. Whoever is doing that, would you kindly stop? I’m sure everyone would focus better if you did.”

The clicking ceased, and Jim breathed a sigh in relief.

Until math class, which was shared with Shamus again. This time, Claire sat behind Jim.

About twenty minutes passed before Shamus started in again, the clicking penetrating right into Jim’s skull.

He only put up with it for a minute before he stood out of his chair and cried out, “oh come on!”

“Jim?” Miss Janeth asked, impatient. “Something bothering you about the lesson?”

Defeated, Jim just lied. “I’m sorry, I have a migraine, can I go to the nurse?”

“Sure Jim, take the pass.”

He took the placard and hurried out of the room.

Perhaps it was cowardly, but it was safer to just run.

Jim stayed away for the rest of the class period.

At lunch, Toby and Claire met up with him in the cafeteria, as he sat with his shoulders hunched.

“How’s your head?” Claire asked, delicately scratching his scalp.

“It’s fine. I was just getting annoyed by Shamus’ clicking his pen. I decided to leave instead of getting angry...or worse.”

“It wouldn’t take much from you to get him to lay off.” Suggested Toby. “Just stand over him and dare him to pick a fight with you.”

“I’m not threatening anyone. At least, not any humans.”

“It’s always better to take the high road with bullies.” Claire stated. “He’ll move on to someone else tomorrow.”

Jim groaned at that. “That’s what I’m afraid of. What’s a clicking pen compared to being shoved in a locker?”

“No offense Jim, but I’d pick the locker. That’s only hurting one person. You getting angry? HULK SMASH.”

Jim exhaled, his lips flapping like a horse. “Yeah yeah, I know.”

“You’re getting better at it.” Claire insisted. “Getting annoyed by a clicking pen is totally normal. Heck, I wanted to punch him too.”

He laughed at that. “Alright, I guess I’ll believe you.” Finally, he opened his lunch, as did the other two, and meal time commenced.

It was while he was in the middle of one of the tin cans that Steve made his presence known. “I heard Shamus was being a real butt snack today. You want me to put him in the ground?”

“Nah,” he crunched in the can. “I’ll take care of it if I need to. It’s really not that big of a deal.” He took out the black, plastic wrapped block next.

“You just say the word, and I’ll knock his block off!...what is that?”

Jim took a bite, revealing a white, powdery center. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know...and you’re eating it?”

“Yep. It tastes pretty good, whatever it is.” He finished it in another bite, and then moved on to the sock for desert. “Oh wait...ah! Muh mouf wen numb!”

“Your mouth’s numb?” Asked Claire.

He wiped his tongue with a napkin, trying to get rid of the sensation. “Yeah! It ‘eels like noeecaine.”

“Novocaine? It’s that bad?”

Eli, Who was sitting behind Jim, spoke up. “Hey, my mom packed some Cucumber Melon La Croix, if you want a sip.”

Jim snatched the can and downed the whole thing.

“Good thinking Eli!” Said Toby, “gross soda will probably taste good to Jim!”

Eli sighed, “that’s my favorite...”

Jim smacked his tongue, the sensation fading. “Man, that was weird. I still don’t know what that was. But I’m never eating it again!”

Soon, the bell rang and it was time for gym.

Dodgeball.

Every highschooler’s nightmare. Over inflated red rubber balls that left bruises for days, and that smacking sound with a metallic ‘ping!’ that haunted you for a lifetime.

And everyone wanted to be on Jim’s team. For obvious reasons.

“Lake!” Coach shouted, once warm-ups were over.

“Yeah, Coach?”

“On your knees,” he pointed to the ground.

Jim, throughly confused, did as he was asked, and knelt on the ground.

Coach Lawrence dug around in his pocket and then put something on Jim’s horns.

A questioning touch revealed them to be corks.

“I don’t want you popping any balls.” Coach offered as an explanation, with a firm slap to the butt. “Also, use your non-dominant hand, and don’t throw too hard.”

“Sure. Don’t have to tell me twice.”

“Alright, Steve and Shamus, you’re Captains. Flip a coin to see who picks first.”

Steve won, and picked Jim first.

Suddenly, Shamus was feeling sort of sheepish for the pen clicking.

The teams were divided up equally, and Coach blew the whistle to start the game.

That’s when the shit hit the fan.

Jim’s heart started to race, more than what was normal after exercise, though he hadn’t run much yet, and he hadn’t even broken a sweat during warm-ups. It built, faster and faster, until he wondered if it was going to jump right out of his chest.

Am I having a heart attack? He thought.

It was like his consciousness was pulled back inside his head, like someone else was piloting his body. And yet he was acutely aware of everything. The world felt slow, and he felt fast. His face and chest felt warm, his hands cold and clammy. Light, fast, and ready to do anything. His limbs tingled, as he just itched to move.

Move. Move.

The ball was in his hand one moment, and gone the next.

—

To the outside world, it happened way too fast. The whistle blew, and Jim stood frozen in place. The game had begun, and everyone was dancing around, trying to dodge. But not Jim, he just stood there, his face full of confusion.

“Lake! Get your head in the game!” Called Steve.

Shamus took the opportunity to throw the ball, and it hit Jim squarely in the chest, hard enough to wind a normal kid, but it didn’t even phase Jim.

“Lake, you’re out!”

And just like that, he charged at the ball, grabbed it, and chucked it as hard as possible. It whistled through the air, and nailed Shamus in the face, a loud crack echoing across the gym, as he fell with a thud.

“Lake! What did I just say about throwing?!”

Jim whipped his head around, his eyes dilated to almost completely black. He snarled at the coach.

Some of the kids on the other team called back from where Shamus was on the floor. “He’s out cold, Coach! I think his nose is broken.”

Toby jogged over, not noticing his state, “Jim, you said the pen thing wasn’t a big deal…”

Jim snapped his eyes over Toby, his jaw tightening, and his muscles coiling like a snake ready to strike.

“Jim? What’s wrong?” Asked Claire, genuinely upset. “Yeah, c’mon man! What’s your deal?” Steve got up into his face, “this isn’t cool.”

Like that was going to snap him out of it. Fuming, Jim easily lifted Steve off the ground and threw him across the gym, where he luckily landed on a mat from the ropes.

Coach was not letting anyone else be injured though, as he cried out, “Run! Go!”

His shout prompted Jim to roar loudly, and tear through the gym, over to the doors outside, and rip them off their hinges.

“Jim…” Claire watched him go.

“You follow him, I’ll tell Mr. Strickler!” Suggested Toby, running towards the locker room.

—

Jim didn’t know why everyone started shouting at him. He could barely understand what they were saying, they were all so slow. His eyes darted around the room. Everything seeming more…colorful, loud, and overwhelming. The shouting was irritating, and he wanted them to stop. His jaw felt tight, though he wanted to say so much.

Steve got in his face, saying something. This furthered his irritation, and he flung him away, like he weighed nothing. More shouting, more noise, and he just got angrier and angrier, until he roared and ran from the room.

Everything around him was so light. The door ripped off its hinges like cardboard. He ran outside, his skin sizzling in the sun, but it didn’t really hurt.

It just made his angrier.

He ran out into the street, racing passed cars that seemed to stand still.

What’s going on? He thought. Why is everything so slow? Is this a troll problem? What do I do? Why am I so angry? Why is everyone looking at me?

He ran into a car on accident, and in his anger, turned it on its side. It took no effort, and he did it again to another, then another. A running car had exhaust spilling out, and the smell was delicious. Without another thought, he bent down and huffed it.

What am I doing? This isn’t me. Am I dying? Everything hurts…

It was then that he realized there was nothing wrong with the world, but there might have been something wrong with him.

But he couldn’t stop it, and he didn’t want to either.

People were running in slow motion. Screaming and pointing at him. Their words were slow and unintelligible, but he had a guess what was being said.

They hate me. They’re scared of me. They think I’m a monster. Stop looking at me! Stop judging me!

He saw detective Scott on his radio, and knew it was about him.

I’m not a monster. I’m just me. What is going on? Is this a nightmare?

He looked down at his arms, seeing them dusty and sizzling. This should be a lot more painful. I must have passed out. This is a dream. I can do whatever I want!

What a dangerous thought for him to have.

—

Toby burst into the Principal’s office. “Mr. Strickler! Mr. Strickler!”

Startled, Walt nearly threw a handful of papers in the air. “Can I help you, Toby?” He asked, with a tinge of irritation.

“It’s Jim! He’s gone totally bonkers! He knocked Shamus unconscious with a dodgeball and threw Steve across the room!”

“What! Why?”

“I don’t know! It’s like he just snapped! We were playing dodgeball and he just…snapped!” There really was no other way to say it.

“Where is he now?”

“He ripped the door off and ran outside!”

“In the sun!?”

“Yes!”

“Call Blinky and Arrrgh, we’ve got to track him down!” He directed, grabbing his keys and pulling out his phone. He tapped away and then put it to his ear. “Barbara, it’s Jim. Toby said he’s out of control. He’s run out in sunlight, so we might need you…yes, of course. I’ll bring him to the hospital then. Okay, I’ll text you.”

“What’s wrong with him?” Toby cried, feeling sick.

“I don’t know…it…it almost sounds like Grave Sand. But, I don’t know where he would have gotten any. Did he look any different?”

“His pupils were huge! His eyes were almost black!”

“I don’t know what that could be. We need to catch him, and then I’ll find out. Let’s move!”

—

Claire was running as fast as she could, though it was getting harder and harder to keep the pace. It felt like an hour she had been tracking him down, but gauging the sun in the sky, it had been a bit longer than that. School was probably over by now, but she had yet to actually find him. She followed a trail of destruction. Upturned cars, ruptured roads, and fallen street lights. There was no one on the street, and with good reason. She could hear police sirens all over the city.

“Jim?!” She cried out for the nth time. “Jim! Where are you!?”

A roar echoed from up above, and she saw he was on the roof of a building, looking down at her with his darkened eyes. He looked awful. His clothes were in shreds, his hair a mess and slick with sweat, and his skin more gray than blue and cracking badly.

“Jim…” She reached out to him. “Come on down, please. Let’s talk.”

Oh, he was coming down alright, but not to talk. He leapt from the building and crashed into the road, cracking it on impact, then he snapped his eyes up meet hers and vaulted over to her, grabbing her around the waist. He swept her off her feet and she fell against him harshly.

“Ow! Jim! What’s wrong with you? Why won’t you say anything!?”

He just ran with her, still draped over his shoulder, towards the canal.

She clung to him so she wouldn’t flail all over the place with how fast he was running. But she did weasel her phone from her pocket. She dialed Toby.

He picked up immediately. “Claire! Where are you?! Did you find him?!”

“He found me! I think he’s taking me to Trollmarket.”

“He still raging?”

“Totally unresponsive. The town is a mess!”

“Yeah, I know! We’re on our way!”

With that, Jim jerked, and her phone fell out of her grasp. She had it with him, and startled thrashing, kicking and hitting his back. “Put me down right now! Jim!!”

He shook her, forcing her to calm down, as he leapt over the side of the bridge and down to the ravine. He came to a stop by the wall. He didn’t have a horngazel, and therefore, no way into to Trollmarket.

That didn’t stop him from trying to punch his way in.

Claire wriggled again, trying to get free, but he just held her tighter, crushing her waist. “Stop it! You’re hurting me!” She turned and looked at him from her awkward vantage point over his shoulder, and could see that his arm was red with blood.

His punches got slower and slower, and his grip on her began to relax. Finally, he let her go.

She landed on her feet, ready to interrogate him, but saw they weren’t out of the woods yet. His eyes were still dilated, but drooped heavily, like he was going to drop any second. He staggered around, reaching out for her, but not with any real direction. One hand came up and grasped at his chest, right over his heart. His breathing was harsh and grating.

“Take a breath breath.” She demanded, “calm down.”

He heaved, throwing up on the cement. There was some remnants of the white powder that had been in his lunch.

She couldn’t even catch him as he collapsed onto the cement.

“Jim…” She knelt at his side. She turned him onto his back, and examined him. His whole body was cold, and his pulse was erratic, faster than she’d ever felt a heartbeat.

“Claire! Claire are you there?!” Walt shouted from the edge of the canal.

“Yes, I’m here! Jim is too! He’s out cold!”

Walt and Toby ran to her, thankful to see that Jim had finally exhausted himself.

“We need to get him to the hospital. Barbara will know how to help him. Or she’ll be able to keep him sedated until we can find out what’s wrong.”

Together, they loaded him in his car and off they went.

Barbara was in the ER when they arrived, ready with a stretcher to take care of him. “Jim! My baby! What happened to him!?”

“We don’t have any clue,” Walter admitted shamefully. “I’m going to try to find out though. And perhaps Blinky will know.”

She felt his pulse as he was talking. “Oh my god, he’s having a heart attack! I need some electrodes on him, stat. Let’s move people!” She called to a nurse.

He was taken back to the ICU, and monitored. Barbara didn’t try to force anyone from the room, since she was worried enough herself. “He’s in ventricular tachycardia. 240 bpm. I need the defibrillator, we need to reset his heart back to a normal rhythm. 200 joules.”

Claire and Toby stood in the corner, holding each other, as the paddles were placed on his chest, and he jolted from the electric shock.

“Again,” Barbara commanded, after listening.

A total of ten shocks, and finally, it seemed that his heart rate had come down to a somewhat normal state.

“Intubate him and get him on 200 mg of labetalol.”

“Are you sure? That’s a lot…” Asked the nurse.

“Jim ate a blender once, he’s going to need a much higher dose.”

“200 mg of labetalol, coming up.”

As the nurse rushed out, Barbara cleaned his bloody hands. With scrutiny, she felt his fingers. “Doesn’t seem like he broke anything, but we’ll get an X-ray once he’s stable.” She spoke calmly, but there was a tremble in her voice.

“Is he going to be okay?”

Barbara jumped for a second. “Oh Claire, I forgot you guys were here. Um, yes, I think so. His heart rate is lowered and he’s breathing a little bit better now.”

“Do you think this is a troll thing? Or is this a human thing?” Asked Toby.

Barbara grimaced. “Well, I don’t want to say anything for sure…but it looks an awful lot like—“

She didn’t finish her thought however, as her phone started going off.

“Oh for the love of mud!” She exasperated, pulling the phone out and answering. “James! What is so important that you have to call every fifteen minutes!? Your son is in the ICU and I have more important things to do than feed you!” She paused, listening to his demands. “No, I don’t know anything a plastic wrapped block on the garbage can. Trash doesn’t go out on Fridays.”

Toby ran at Barbara, grabbed her phone and put it on speaker. “WHAT ABOUT THE BLACK PLASTIC BLOCK!?” He shouted.

“Ow! Jesus! None of your business kid! Why the hell are you asking?”

“Please sir, Jim’s my best friend and something’s really wrong with him! He ate that block for lunch and now—“

“Whoa whoa whoa what?! He ate it?”

“Yes! He thought it was trash!”

“Jesus Christ on a motorbike. You’re telling me…that Jim swallowed…a brick?”

“It wasn’t a brick. It was a white powdery stuff.”

“Not a building brick. A brick! 50,000 dollars worth of blow!?”

“He did what?!” Barbara shrieked.

“That’s what it was! 1 kilo of pure, clean cut cocaine! And our 16 year old monster ate it!”

“Is…is that really bad?” Toby asked sheepishly.

“Uh yeah! A guy like me can sit down a do 4-5 lines in two hours, maybe 2-4 grams, depending on the line. A kilo? A thousand? That’s enough to kill an elephant!”

“You’re dead meat, Lake,” Barbara grit out. “I’m calling the police as soon as Jim is stable. So you’ve got a few hours to vanish. I loved you once, so think of this as an act of mercy.”

“Sorry Babs. Since all of my supply is gone now, thanks to Jim, there would be no evidence. I gotta hide out here for a little while longer. Jim will probably be fine, freak that he is. If not, good riddance.”

Barbara angrily hung up the phone.

Nurses had come in early in the conversation and got to work getting Jim hooked up. Now he was settled, intubated, and breathing normally. His EKG showed an only slightly elevated heart rate.

“If that man doesn’t get out of my house, I’m going to be the one needing labetalol.” She sighed.

“I mean,” One of the nurses spoke up. “We just heard him confess to having a kilogram of cocaine and leaving it somewhere a minor could ingest it. So we could testify.”

Barbara took a deep breath. “Thank you. I am seeing a lawyer to get this all sorted out. But for right now, I’m just worried about my son. With that new information, I think we’ll have to have his stomach pumped.”

“Barbara? He did throw up before he passed out. I think I saw a lot of the cocaine in the vomit.”

“Good, then he didn’t digest all of it. But just to be sure, order a stomach pump, x ray, and 50 mg of prophylaxis for his burns. The worst looks like the back of his neck and his arms.” She touched the scarred tissues, which was rock hard. “I’m not actually sure how to treat these kinds of burns. Blinky might be able to help with that.” She walked up to him, pushing his bangs away from his forehead, and kissed him gently. “My poor little boy. You just can’t catch a break, can you?”

#arcadia or bust #trollhunters #troll!jim #jim lake jr #claire #jim x claire #toby domzalski #fanfiction #trollhunters tales of arcadia

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synthient · 6 years

Note

Could you elaborate on what you mean about Death T re stanning and fairness? It sounds interesting and I'd love to hear about it if you don't mind sharing.

ajhfakj hoo boy. Okay.

So some time around the summer before last (judging by the point where the first baffled and frustrated readmores start showing up on this blog), I read Death-T. It made me feel…some kind of way. An…unpleasant kind of way.

Here’s the thing about me: I can’t just let myself have an emotional reaction to a piece of fiction. I have to, first, pick apart my own emotions to figure out why I had that reaction, and second, pick apart the story to figure out how it works and how it made me feel that way.

On the Feelings Front, I’ve isolated two main causes:

1. I have a brain that Needs Things To Be Fair. That doesn’t mean I can’t handle unfairness in a piece of fiction. Unfairness creates conflict, and conflict is what makes for good storytelling. But it does mean that I need the story to be aware of its own unfairness. I need the unfairness to be the point. Otherwise I start vibrating at high speeds and shaking my fist at clouds.

2. I’m a Kaiba stan. I accidentally got emotionally attached to the Funny Card Game Boy from the Funny Card Game Show.

There’s the feelings part. That leaves the “picking apart the story” side of the equation. And I’ve been trying to do that in nice punchy little one-or-two-paragraph text posts for the past year or so, but I don’t think I’ve ever really done the argument justice that way. So I guess that leaves only one option: writing a giant wordvomit essay on Yugioh (1996-2004).

Why This Is A Death-T Hateblog: The Masterpost

An important note: I like being able to back up my thoughts with Evidence From The Text, but I’m specifically working off the (Viz translated) manga. You can read Cards with Teeth here, Capumon here, and Death-T starting here if you want to check any of my facts or draw your own conclusions. Keep in mind that the Toei anime made pretty huge changes to the s0 Kaiba storyline, and the DM anime skipped most of it entirely–if you’re more familiar with those continuities, there’re some major differences in the manga.

(Also this thing probably reads better on desktop. I think the formatting got screwed up on mobile)

How We Got Here

Before we can actually dig into Death-T, we need to start at the very beginning (♫a very good place to start♫). So that means taking a look at “The Cards with Teeth (Part 1)” and “The Cards with Teeth (Part 2).”

For its first 8 chapters, the Yugioh manga chugs blissfully (if repetitively) along with an episodic, conflict-of-the-week formula. No overarching plot. Next to no sense of continuity. No trading cards in sight.

Then this asshole shows up.

His name is Seto Kaiba (or “Kaiba,” at least–not sure if this is just a Viz thing, but my copy of CwT never mentions his given name). Not that he bears a whole lot of resemblance to the Seto Kaiba we later come to know and love (and/or love to hate).

Almost none of his most defining traits are there yet. There’s no mention of Mokuba, no mention of Kaibacorp, no indicationthat he’s especially rich (besides the fact that he’s carrying around a wholebriefcase of trading cards), no reason to believe he has a specific obsession with Blue Eyes (he just thinks it’s a strong card and it’d help him win tournaments), and no sign of any special hacking/strategy/hand-to-hand-combat/etc. skills (the kid is hilariously incompetent).

This dude was never supposed to be a recurring character, and it shows.

But anyway, let’s run through the basic series of events:

- Kaiba wanders into the game shop looking forbooster packs. Yugi recognizes him as an acquaintance from school (not as a famous kid CEO, and not as a recent transfer student)

- Kaiba happens to notice the Blue Eyes card lying out onGrandpa’s counter (in this version of events, he hasn’t been stealing rare cards for months before this, he didn’t creep on Yugi’s conversation and followhim home, he had no idea going in that the Blue Eyes was there, and he didn’t already have the other three)

- He offers to trade all the cards in his briefcasefor the Blue Eyes (although he doesn’t tell Grandpa to name his price—again,the millionaire CEO element isn’t a thing yet)

- Grandpa refuses, so the next day Kaiba comes up with alaughably badly thought-out plan to steal the card

- Shockingly, Yugi notices that the “color copy from the catalog” isn’t the real deal. He gently tries to confront Kaiba about it in private

- Kaiba (without showing an ounce of the cool head you’d think you’d need to take over and run a company) panics, starts stammering and unconvincingly denying it, and then smacks Yugi with his briefcase

Annnd then Part 2 plays out like a standard s0 chapter.

“Yami Yugi” takes over. They play a shadow game. Kaiba cheats by slipping the stolen Blue Eyes out of his sleeve (Atem’s like “That’s my Grandpa’s card!” and Kaiba straight up goes “Whaaat, nooo, that’s my card that I, uh, found on the street just now.” A teen genius criminal mastermind, everybody). The shadow magic gives him a spritz from its metaphorical Karmic Cat-Training Spray Bottle and makes his Blue Eyes dissolve (I’d like to think that was Kisara going “I’m not mad, just disappointed,” and Memory World tries to retroactively make that connection, but it’s pretty abundantly clear that nothing about this series was planned that far ahead). He loses. Yadda yadda yadda.

And then Atem goes in for the penalty game.

To recap:

Some random 10th grader from Yugi’s school stole a trading card, hit someone, and was generally kind of a jerk. As punishment, he was trapped in a hyper-realistic illusion of being ripped apart and slaughtered by half a dozen monsters at once.

Y…ay…?

Let’s Stop and Reflect for a Sec

In theory, I shouldn’t be that much more upset about Cards with Teeth than I am about any other part of s0, right? It’s not like the manga framed it as horrific and wrong when Atem set off an explosion in some teenage bully’s face a couple chapters ago. Giving us the vicarious pleasure of punishing our bullies in over-the-top, Carrie-style ways without actually exploring any of the consequences is, like, the early manga’s whole thing.

But even taking into account the fact that I already had an attachment to this Nasty Bowl Cut Boy thanks to the anime, I do actually think that there are at least two factors that set CwT apart.

The first is that Atem’s karmic punishments are usually…well, karmic. If he inflicts physical harm on someone, it’s because they already inflicted or tried to inflict roughly the same amount of harm on Yugi & co. If the crime was relatively minor, then he only gives out a minor punishment–like, say, when the homeroom teacher was Just Kinda Mean, all he did was allow the class to see her without her makeup on (…setting aside the Let’s Get Into Gender Politics-ness of that chapter).

There’s even a few cases where you could argue that the punishment is too light to fit the crime. Ushio beat Jonouchi and Honda half to death and tried to murder Yugi with a knife, and all he got was this lousy t-shirt an illusion that made the trash on the ground look like money.

In another chapter, the villain of the week tried to rape Anzu, and the only punishment he faced was having his side business exposed as a scam (Let’s Get Into Gender Politics).

Yet in CwT, we see one of the most harmless villains in all of s0 (no prolonged beatings or attempted murder? unheard of!) receive what’s arguably the most horrifying penalty game in the whole manga. At least when that guy got set on fire, it was over fast.

And that brings us to factor number two: Kaiba is the first penalty game victim in s0 who comes back.

Capumon: Gotta Catch ‘em All!

Well, technically he doesn’t come back in person, at first. Someone else shows up to fight in his name.

Oh hey Mokie. How’s it going?

Rather understandably (imo), Mokuba wants the guy who tortured his brother last week to face some actual consequences for it.

Now here’s an interesting opportunity that the manga has set up for itself. Is it going to dig deep into the balance between defending yourself vs lashing out and causing undue harm? Is it going to remind us that most of the penalty game victims so far, whatever their crimes,have been children? Is it going to demonstrate that when you take out your anger on someone, you don’t just hurt your immediate target, but their loved ones as well?

Nah, who am I kidding.

Hurting or inconveniencing the Good Guys in any way is Bad. Anything the Good Guys do is Good and Justified. Using magic to stick an already-hurting eleven-year-old in his own personalized hell? Good and Justified.

Before he’s shoved screaming into the Giant Vending Machine Capsule Where Bad And Naughty Elementary Schoolers Go To Atone For Their Crimes, Mokuba mentions that the other penalty game he heard about “made my brother go crazy!”

He also drops a hint of things to come with all the subtlety of an anvil. So I guess by this point, the numbers had come in and the card game chapter had proved unexpectedly popular enough that a sequel was in the works.

Death-Twink? Death-Tastic?Death-Two: Electric Boogaloo?

I’ve been pretty hard on Cards with Teeth and Capsule Monsters Chess so far. But you want to know the truth?

On their own, they aren’t necessarily that bad.

What really matters in a story isn’t the literal events: it’s how those events are framed. At the moment, we’re only midway through an incomplete storyline. Maybe we’re supposed to be horrified. Maybe we’re supposed to be questioning whether or not the hero is really in the right. It all hangs on what these chapters are building to.

As it turns out–as Mokuba just helpfully clued us in on–they were building to Death-T.

And that’s where the shit hits the fan.

Over a dozen chapters after we first met Kaiba, a whole bunch of completely-unforeshadowed facts about him are suddenly dumped on us all at once. He’s rich! The kind of rich that allows for limo rides, a giant mansion, and flouncing around in a fur-lined cape like feudal European nobility! And he’s the president of a company, even though “Whaa?!! But he’s still in high school!” Speaking of which, apparently Kaiba “hasn’t been at school recently.”

The Death-T arc opens with Yugi and Jonouchi attending the world’s most awkward sleepover–the host never shows up, and they don’t even get to paint each others’ nails or watch movies. Also Mokuba tries to murder them in the night, but you know what? If someone tortured my brother, “made him go crazy,” and left him huddled in the house feverishly working on a bizarre project and refusing to go to school for the next few weeks, I’d probably poison them too.

The morning after the sleepover, we learn another new Kaiba Fact…

Ever since the Experience of Death happened, he’s been having horrible recurring PTSD nightmares about it. As you do. When you get tortured.

(This is why, even though I know intellectually that it’s Not That Deep and people arejust having fun, I still get a little skeeved out when I see jokes about howDeath-T happened “just” because Kaiba was that mad about losing a card game or “just”because he had a crush on Yugi and he didn’t know how to deal with it. I’malways internally like “Nnno, I’m pretty sure it was the torture?”)

So far we’ve been shown in pretty brutal detail that our “hero” psychologically broke a fifteen-year-old for no good reason. The manga’s going to have its work cut out for it if it really wants to do a convincing redemption arc for its protagonist. And there’s no way it could possibly try to spin that random act of torture as an acceptable thing, right?

…right?

Crime and Punishment

That’s one of my first big problems with Death-T: to me, it reads as a way of trying to retroactively justify the Experience of Death.

That seems to be the purpose of suddenly giving Kaiba all this wealth and power that was never hinted at in Cards with Teeth. See, he wasn’t just some random high school kid who had the bad luck of crossing someone with magic powers; he was (however improbable that is, as the story lampshades) a high school-aged CEO. He’s so ludicrously powerful that he can torture an old man in front of a live audience and get away with it. Punching up looks a lot better than punching down, doesn’t it?

And you can’t really fault the hero for torturing someone evil, can you? Kaiba used Grandpa’s sanity as a blackmail chip! He ran experiments on human test subjects! He wants to kill Yugi and everyone he loves! Surely a little torture is no worse than he deserved.

There’s only one one problem with that: the Experience of Death happened before Death-T. There’s no way Atem could have known any of this was coming. The audience couldn’t have known it was coming. Takahashi didn’t know. Chronologically speaking, the Experience of Death wasn’t revenge for Death-T. It’s the other way around.

Best Served Cold

So Death-T is a form of eye-for-an-eye vengeance: “Yugi” beat Kaiba at Duel Monsters and tortured him, so now Kaiba’s gonna beat Yugi and torture him, using his own perfect virtual recreation of “Yugi’s” penalty game (oh yeah, that whole “the average person goes insane in about 10 minutes” thing? Kaiba was able to program that detail from personal experience).

But wait! This isn’t really eye-for-an-eye! Kaiba’s going after Yugi’s loved ones, not just Yugi, and that’s worse than what Yugi did to him! And even if it was proportionate, revenge is bad and wrong. That’s how you get endless back-and-forth chains of vengeance and generational blood feuds and stuff. Two wrongs don’t make a right!

And those could all be reasonable points, except…

This entire story is about how great and badass eye-for-an-eye justice is.

“Wouldn’t it be cool if you could take everyone who ever hurt you and make them suffer even worse” is practically the thesis of Season 0. You can’t make something look awesome when the protagonist does it and then turn around and make it seem evil and inexcusable coming from anyone else.

And while Kaiba does wind up targeting Yugi’s friends, that wasn’t part of his original plan. He’s surprised when random people start jumping out of the bleachers/the Kaibacorp employee roster and insisting that they won’t let Yugi do this alone. The writing uses his surprise as proof that he just doesn’t understand The Power of Friendship, but it’s also evidence that his original target was just Yugi.

“If you’re gonna side with my torturer, then you can have the same fate as him, I guess.” It’s not even that far outside the logic Atem’s been using all this time. Just because there’s only one main gang member who personally hurt his friend, that doesn’t mean that Atem won’t rope every random mook who gets in his way into the death game too. (Granted, this doesn’t really apply to Kaiba’s treatment of Grandpa. Or the offscreen experimentation/blackmailing. Or Mokuba, but…we’ll get to that).

…But like I said before, the big issue isn’t the events. It’s the framing. Maybe the point will ultimately be that if penalty games are wrong when the bad guy does them, then they’re wrong when the hero does them too. Maybe this is all leading up to a big reexamination of Atem’s moral code and some much-needed character development.

Maybe. Let’s keep going and see.

*Great Gatsby comic voice* Baby? What Baby

Death-T runs for 14 chapters, but Kaiba isn’t actually there for, like…half of them.

I mean, he’s technically there? Occasionally? He’ll show up long enough to dramatically play chess for a panel or so, or to stick his head on a TV monitor and provide some Helpful Death Game Hints. But for all practical purposes, he’s pretty much absent for the entire middle section of the story arc.

And, uh…let’s just say I 100% understand and respect the DM anime’s decisionto go straight from Grandpa’s heart attack to the final duel and skipeverything in between.

If Kaiba’s real goal is to beat Yugi at Duel Monsters, then all the death games leading up to that one are basically filler. And they manage to be just as contrived and nonsensical as any anime filler arc, without a fraction of the fun.

It’s largely a tonal issue. The writing swings wildly between grimdark dramatics, sentimental conversations about friendship where everyone hugs and cries (tbh that’s one of the few redeeming qualities of the arc), and “comic relief” where the “““comedy””” is all either bodily function jokes or sexual assault jokes (L̠̤̯͍̦e̮̪͎̞t's̞̮̳̱̰̦̲ ̲G͖͉̹̻̯͉͖e̜̝̗͓̟͚t̖͚ ͚̰̞̮̝̫͎I͓̜̦̳̭͚͎n̪̪͈t͍̥̰̼o͚͎͇̣̘̝ ̪̼̜̣̳G͈̠̫e̳̝̗̪ṋ͚̞͎ͅd͔̙͓̯̹e̯̺̯̩r͔̣̲͔̳̗ ̘͙P̖̦o̩̺͖͎̞̬l͎̺͕̹i͇̣̼̦t̰i̬̰̝͙̗̝c̜̼̺̪̲̞s).

Honestly, in terms of the “stanning and fairness” argument, there’s not much to talk about here. It just adds insult to injury that not only does Death-T throw my fave under the bus, but it’s really badly written.

The Mokuba Thing

Okay, let’s fast-forward through the filler zone and stoppp…here.

In the context of the anime, where we know (and see multiple flashbacks demonstrating) that their whole life has been an “us against the world” story, this scene is tragic. Seto’s trust in people has been eroded so much that he even thinks Mokuba is conspiring against him? Their love and support for each other, which has survived through so much hardship, has finally cracked under the weight of this latest trauma? There’s a lot of dramatic and tearjerking potential there.

I think it’s pretty safe to say that most of us bring our baggage from the anime with us when we read the manga. The vast majority of the western Yugioh fandom did start with DM.

But if we look at this purely in the context of the manga–if we can pretend, for a second, that none of us have ever heard of the anime–this is the first time we see the two of them interacting onscreen. And none of those touching flashbacks of Seto comforting Mokuba and defending him from bullies and promising to be his father exist here. All we ever really learn about their relationship before this point is “They used to be a little closer when they were younger. Source: one (1) photo of them playing chess.”

So instead of serving as the tragic lowpoint of their relationship, this scene sets the baseline for it: Mokuba desperately wants to make his brother happy and earn his approval, while Seto responds with dismissal and cruelty.

In the anime (and to a certain extent in the later manga), Mokuba’s purpose in the narrative is to humanize Seto. But in Death-T, he serves the opposite function. Every interaction they have is an opportunity for Seto to kick the dog and prove what a monster he is.

And it’s all downhill from here.

………………

…So.

I have…mixed feelings about this.

On one level–a meta level–I think this scene serves the same purpose as taking that random high schooler from CwT and suddenly giving him ridiculous amounts of money and power and mustache-twirling levels of villainy. It’s a way of making the Experience of Death seem retroactively justified (and also a way of making the upcoming penalty game look fair).

On the other hand. It’s.

Horrific.

This scene is supposed to make us hate Kaiba, and it does it’s job really really well.

Personally speaking? I’m of the opinion that trying to hurt the child under your care as badly as you conceivably can is a “don’t pass go, don’t collect $100″ kind of deal. There’s no coming back from that. There’s no fixing or salvaging this relationship.

(God, this whole thing is wrapped in so many layers of fantasy that I’m not even sure what the real-world equivalent would be. Trying to beat your child not quite to death?)

Mokuba should not have had to continue living with his brother after this, any more than the Ishtars should have had to stay with their dad or Seto should have had to stay with Gozaburo. Mokuba forgiving Seto for this isn’t touching to me, it’s gut-wrenching. Every “heartwarming” brotherly moment in the later manga (all, like…2 and a half of them) feels hollow and sad.

As far as I’m concerned, this scene doesn’t “complicate” their relationship in any interesting or meaningful way. Their anime relationship already has plenty of complications–their sometimes unhealthy co-dependence, the fact that Seto is still a kid himself and he’s not really equipped to be a parent,Mokuba’s difficulty understanding that Seto can’t just “go back to who he was” before his trauma, the times when Seto is too caught up in his own pain to really be there for Mokuba, the manipulation involved in Seto’s takeover plan, etc. This just makes their relationship outright child abuse.

But hey, they hugged that one time in Duelist Kingdom, so it’s fine, right?

ExODiA iiiIIIIT’s not pAHsible

The final duel happens. The big Blue Eyes vs Exodia showdown.

*Bill Wurtz voice* So that’s pretty nifty, I would say.

It’s..? A genuinely cool and dramatic duel. There’s a reason it’s one of the, like, three Death-T elements the DM anime actually bothered to keep. Not much to say about it.

Sure was a whole lot of buildup just to end things with one (1) deus ex machina instawin card, tho.

The Tragic Backstory

So if all this happened because of a penalty game, what do you think the solution could be?

Did you say “another, even harsher penalty game”?

Ding ding ding!

This time, instead of torturing the fifteen-year-old, our hero puts the fifteen-year-old in a vegetative state as he begs for mercy.

Yaaaayy!

Some fun facts about the Mind Crush that we don’t actually learn until Duelist Kingdom:

1. It lasted for 6 months

2. Mokuba spent that entire time alone, in the big empty mansion, with no parental guidance or adult supervision except the butlers and maids, caring for his brother’s comatose body 24/7

3. When Atem put Kaiba in that coma, he had absolutely no idea if he’d ever be able to wake up or not. He thought he could, maybe–Kaiba’s pretty strong, right? But he also finds the idea that Kaiba died in his coma and came back to haunt him perfectly believable. “Fixed,” dead…eh, it was kind of a coin toss.

But wait, the story’s not over yet! First we have to find out Why Kaiba Is The Way He Is (“Because your buddy tortured him last month” isn’t enough of an answer, apparently).

This is communicated in the most natural way possible: Mokuba just starts monologuing about all his brother’s deepest darkest traumas to a bunch of strangers his brother hates.

The claim that Kaiba’s backstory is “more complex” in the manga than it is in the anime has always confused me, because this is…it. These three pages are the whole backstory. I mean, in Battle City we do get one more passing line of dialog about how Kaibacorp used to be a weapons manufacturer and Gozaburo “sold Seto’s soul to the military industrial complex,” but other than that… The anime took these bare bones and fleshed them out significantly, but from a pure manga canon standpoint, it’s not a whole lot to work with.

But there’s still enough here to rub me the wrong way.

For one thing, this sequence is almost an exact parallel to two later moments in the manga: Pegasus’s backstory dump at the end of Duelist Kingdom, and Malik’s backstory dump mid-Battle City. In both of those cases, the purpose of the scene is to take a villain whose motives seemed cruel and inexplicable and finally reveal the reasons behind his actions. We’re supposed to be seeing these characters in a sympathetic light for the very first time.

But Kaiba’s motives in Death-T, uh, weren’t exactly a mystery. He already made it pretty explicitly clear that this was about the torture. So as a narrative tool, Mokuba’s monologue:

1. seems a little superfluous

2. seems like a way of taking any responsibility out of the protagonist’s hands. Kaiba didn’t snap because of anything Atem did, he just had a bunch of fucked up baggage that Atem couldn’t possibly have known about or accounted for. Who knew some people take it badly when you torture them??

3. seems to suggest that we weren’t supposed to be sympathizing with Kaiba before this point. If this is the big “oh, now that I know why he did it, I guess I feel a little bad for him :(” moment, then that means the part where he got tortured…wasn’t?

And, as always, there’s the issue of the framing.

The grace note of the monologue–the thought it leaves us with, the intended takeaway–isn’t “If only he hadn’t gone through years of abuse, in circumstances he had no real control over because he was a child.” It’s “If only he hadn’t brought all this upon himself by cheating.”

Even if we ignore the fact that it’s physically impossible to cheat at chess (which seems like kind of a big oversight for a gaming manga, but oh well, That’s Yugioh Babe)…

How can you possibly present a ten-year-old cheating at a board game in a desperate gambit to get himself and his brother out of an orphanage as his start of darkness?

Yet that’s exactly what the writing does. This is a story about how games “reveal the true hearts” of their players and bring karmic retribution down on anyone who doesn’t respect the game and follow the rules. The implication is that the child abuse Seto suffered was karma. He rightfully earned it by cheating at chess, just like he brought the Experience of Death upon himself by cheating at Duel Monsters.

Oh yeah, speaking of which…

Wheel of Morality, Turn Turn Turn, Tell Us The Lesson We Should Learn

What was the outcome of Death-T? What impact did it actually have?

Did it bring about any big moral reckoning? Any questioning of the heroes’ values? Did Atem learn the difficult but important lesson “torture bad”?

Nnnnope!

Death-T is immediately followed by a series of episodic chapters that take us right back to the status quo like nothing happened. Atem keeps merrily handing out penalty games all the way up to the very end of Duelist Kingdom. When he does finally stop doing them, his decision has nothing to do with Death-T. It takes a comment from Pegasus about the Millennium Items having an “evil intelligence” to make him wonder “wait…I’m from a Millennium Item…I’m an intelligence…could evil…maybe include…torture????”

And even after the manga lukewarmly reverses its position to “torture sort of bad I guess,” it never really does anything with that revelation. None of the past penalty games are ever reexamined. No apologies are made. The Experience of Death is quietly swept under the rug, and the Mind Crush, when it’s brought up at all, is framed as noble act that “fixed” Kaiba (because “if you make someone suffer badly enough, you can hurt them into being a better person” is a great message).

Basically, we learned nothing from Death-T, nothing changed, and our takeaway is supposed to be “Atem was 100% in the right and Kaiba was 100% in the wrong, and also he’s an evil monster who deserved everything he got.”

Guess I Need A Satisfying Conclusion of Some Kind Even Through Death-T Didn’t Really Have One, Huh

Wow.

That was…a whole lot of words of Death-T rage that I apparently had in me zjkghzkkf.

I tend to feel less justified about constantly harping on Death-T then I do when it comes to, like, the racism in Memory World, or the series’ general Miss O’Gyny. It’s not like “magical vigilantism” is exactly a real-word social issue that’s being reflected in this piece of fiction. I realize a lot of my anger pretty much boils down to “hey,, ! thats…my fave. stopp...being mean to him >:(”

But I also feel like the issues in Death-T aren’t limited to Death-T.

The manga has this…this thing where it wants to be able to pinpoint a few clear, unchanging moral rules (“cheating is bad!” “graverobbing is bad!” “patricide is bad!”) and just apply them neatly to every situation, without having to take into account any of that inconvenient stuff like “what were the circumstances of this specific situation,” or “how many choices were actually open to this person,” or “how much harm was done by this choice compared to its benefits in terms of basic human well-being.” Yet at the same time, that moral absolutism is somehow coupled with a reluctance to apply any moral judgement to its protagonists at all.

The two points where that becomes clearest are Death-T and Memory World. And I feel like even when people acknowledge the issues with those arcs, they still want to be able to write it off as “oh, that was just a problem with the early chapters, it was fixed as the writing matured,” or “oh, that was just a problem at the end because of the mad rush to finish the story before it got canceled, it was never a thing before then.” But it’s not an isolated problem. It’s there at the beginning of the story, it’s there at the end, and it’s baked into everything in the middle.

…but anyhow.

hey,, ! thats…my fave. stopp...being mean to him >:(

#'i like atem too and i ignore most of s0 bc of what it did to both their characters' disclaimer #long post #r...real long...#i am so sorry if the readmore doesn't work on mobile

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met4n0i4 · 4 years

Text

Master cleansing method, for those nasty energies that won’t come out.

Hey, guys. This is the weirdest prompt ever. I’m in my van writing on my phone. But I couldn’t just shake this post off my head and I’m not heading home. So I had to do it. I’m sorry if it’s specially bad written or has more typos than others but when the muse calls, we answer.

So, it’s been a couple of days since I talked to you about detoxing and I hope you now understand that there’s a lot of energy that we put out there in the universe, some time or another. And that we have to remove or transmute it. Because that stuck energy is most of the times the one blocking our manifestations.

You now know that transmuting your negative thoughts and transforming them into positives is not just something that happens in your mind. It affects your body, too. And that transmuted stuck energy literally comes out of your body as sweat, pee, poop, and mucus. Funny how our bodies are hyper sensitive to our every thought, huh?

But, today I just remembered that when I first got this and started transmuting my thoughts, something besides the detox started happening. I would out of nowhere get this really intense emotions and thoughts that I just couldn’t turn around.

I lived with my family back then. One brother, one sister and my parents. And I remember my family used to leave very early. Of course that meant that they usually would leave some mess back in the kitchen. Being a nice guy and all, I used to clean after their mess. After all, I had more time in the morning before I left.

But the more I cleaned, the messier the kitchen got in the mornings. After a while that was out of control. After a few months the kitchen looked like a gotcha camp for three years old. I’m not kidding when I say there was juice dripping from the counter to the floor. And sometimes there was even food on the walls.

I started to get a little uncomfortable about it. But I never complained. I kept cleaning after all my family. But you know what? It did get me a little mad. I felt like I was being abused somehow. But it was just like a little anger and when I saw my family later in the day it was gone. I didn’t even remember the morning mess. And so that same thing kept happening for months.

Well, after I started transmuting my thoughts, everything seemed great. I was casting spells about my beautiful body and my millionaire lifestyle mostly. I was detoxing hard. Yep, it hit me hard. But at the same time I was having some sprouts of happiness here and there. So I knew I was getting somewhere even with the mixed signs I was getting, that now I come to understand where just the detox.

But one day I woke up just like any day, went to the kitchen and guess what? It was the worse I’d seen it in my life. And I just 🔥🔥 🔥

I couldn’t transmute my thoughts about that kitchen. And to be honest I knew in my mind it wasn’t such a big deal. I was getting way too angry over nothing. Besides, I could just NOT clean the kitchen and nothing would’ve happened. No one was making me do it after all.

But I just couldn’t control my anger. It was too freaking much. I had been very successful at transmuting my thoughts up to this day. And now I just couldn’t stop thinking of how ungrateful and inconsiderate my whole family was. Why couldn’t they just pick their plates? Why is there food on the floor? What are they? Humans or pigs? My god! Why couldn’t I just chill????

Well, my friends. From what I’d leaned si concluded one thing. This had to be addressed ASAP! My emotions and my mind where telling me that there was this accumulated energy under the rug that I hadn’t dealt with for a very long time. And what do you do when something like this comes up? Yep, clean it up.

But as much as I though ‘My family is so clean! They are so considerate to me. They clean while they cook just like me. Everyone’s so organized that even with the dirty dishes the kitchen looks good. I only find food on dishes.’, it was just not working. That rage was not going anywhere!

How am I supposed to clean all that filth surrounding me in thought and emotion? And then inspiration hit me. I previously told you that I read and tried a lot of things before I came to all this. So I remembered one specific practice that Saint Germain suggested. No, it was not a suggestion, he clearly said it was essential or we wouldn’t see much progress. And it was the use of the violet flame.

Well, to put into very few worlds the violet flame was supposed to have 3x more grease cleaning power! All I had to do is use the next spell. ‘I am the violet flame that cleans and transmutes all this negative energy. Root, cause and consequence, cleans it all. Cleans perfectly and deep. 🧼 The violet flame is supposed to be the love of God in action, that forgives past negative thinking. So, it’s supposed to be powerful!

So guys, I did it. I lay down on my bed and started casting the violet flame over me, my kitchen and my whole family. ‘I am the violet flame that cleans and corrects all the negative energy around that kitchen. I am the violet flame that consumes and transmutes all my anger.’

See, I didn’t know what spell to cast or what to transmute specifically, so I used something a bit more general. Clean, correct, fix, scrub 🧽 all this energy that is now coming to the front! And it did. In about half an hour I could feel relief. Something was lifting from me. The uncontrollable anger was completely gone and I was amazed. It was like it never had been there in the first place.

See, when I first used the violet flame there was nothing this strong to transmute. That’s probably why I didn’t feel its effects and didn’t stick to it. But now that I was slowly cleaning thoughts, big chunks of negative energy where coming forward to be dealt with, and the violet flame turned out to be a life saver! Just like Dawn, with active suds for squeaky clean dishes!

And then I understood that I could just cast a spell to clean whatever’s wrong! I might not know what’s wrong or how to fix it. What would things look like if I remove that energy. But I can cast a spell to just clean and fix. And I started using it.

Guys, I didn’t just use the violet flame. Some of you might already have figured this out. But sometimes a very powerful spell that usually works like a charm, doesn’t seem to work in other situations or in different moments. So at times I’ve used the blood of Christ to clean and correct. I’ve soaked in God’s love. Or any other thing that seems to work better at each moment. And they all work.

See, I believe in God so thinking of God’s love cleansing me was powerful. But everyone has to find their own spell. If you believe in the tears of Pachamama,for the love of God use that. If you believe in fairies dust, then use that! Just like any spell, it has to be personal and close to you.

I never told you this but lots of people telling me that one spell about being sexier than Brad Pitt doesn’t do it for me. I’m sorry, the guy doesn’t turn me on! What are we gonna do about it? So find a spell that works for you in this situation.

I’ve come to figure out that believing in something more powerful than us helps. People, who believe in something or someone bigger and loving is helping them, usually have better results for this kind of cleansing. For me, God’s love, whoever God is, did the trick. But you get the help from your favorite archangel, saint, ascended master, or Pokémon. It’s all good.

Only conditions is it has to be very very powerful and it has to be loving.

So well, after learning and applying this powerful force of nature that cleanses very strong emotions and thoughts that arise after some house cleaning, I started applying it to the most difficult things. That’s how I healed a shoulder pain that was not going away with the day to day transmuting. Pain was gone in less than a week with this spell, and it had been there for more than a year.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that you stop doing the every day magic. That’s still mandatory to get results. This one trick is just for the most stubborn stains! And it will come with some detox of course. But we want all that energy out so let the detox come.

And so, now you know. If you are experiencing this super hardcore thoughts or emotions, and normal transmuting everyday thoughts is not helping. Well, this right here might do the trick. Use it wisely and have a happy deep kitchen cleaning!

⚠️ Using this technique may cause excessive diarrhea.

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danfanciesphil · 7 years

Note

Love your writing! A prompt for you: I'd love to see Phil reacting to people saying he doesn't love Dan as much as Dan loves him which I think is stupid??

So, if you’ve read my fic Birthday Sex then you will know that I do not buy into this trope whatsoever, which i must say is a big reason I wrote it. I really just do not see where people are coming from when they say that Dan loves Phil more?? Maybe at the very, very beginning of their relationship it kind of seemed like Dan was a bit of an obsessed lovestruck young kiddo (spoiler: he was) but firstly, it’s important to remember that we don’t get to see everything the two of them say to one another and we already know that Dan tends to share a lot more with the public than Phil does. For example, when has Phil ever (barr his Draw My Life and a few other sparse instances) ever revealed anything serious and personal about himself? Whereas Dan just yesterday opened up about something so deeply intimate that it’s honestly baffling he had the courage at all. My point is that it’s highly, highly likely that there were things said between them behind the scenes that we just did not have any knowledge of whatsoever. I’d draw your attention to the Video That Will Not Be Named as an example, because obviously (if you choose to ignore dnp’s ‘explanation’ and see it as real/true) then it was NEVER meant to be seen by anyone except Dan. Think about that... if youtube hadn’t glitched, that video would not exist to us. How many more videos are there like this one? How many texts and phone calls and private conversations that are probably WAY more schmaltzy and incriminating??

Not only this, but as a follow up point, Phil is older, and he is maturer than Dan. The latter possibly gets less true as time goes on and Dan grows as a person (what a fantastic man he’s becoming I stg im so proud), but certainly up until now, Phil has been the adult of the two of them. Don’t try telling me he acts like a child either, because that’s not the same thing - he’s an entertainer for a family friendly YouTube channel, it doesn’t mean he isn’t a millionaire/business owner/well-educated, successful man. I find it not only silly that people expect him to be fawning over Dan every minute of the goddamn day on camera in order to prove his affection, but just ridiculously unrealistic. He’s a 30 year old man. If he is with Dan, then he’s been in a committed relationship with him for years. They’re over the honeymoon stage. They’re into something far more serious and committed now, and it’s a kind of love that doesn’t need to be shown at all times.

Finally, I just want to add that apart from all I’ve said - neither of them (imo) show much sign of being madly in love with the other at all? I mean, you have to remember that we are a fandom, and it’s so easy to pick apart something and pull out the bits you want to fit your ideal picture. There is evidence of them being a couple, yes, but there’s also evidence against it! Neither of them refer to one another as ‘boyfriend’ or ‘partner’ and I honestly doubt they ever will! Dan is not constantly gooey over Phil, and the same goes the other way around. It baffles me that people can dissect every one of their looks and actions (I’m guilty of it too of course) and come up with these absurd headcanons such as “AWW DAn looks so in love here, and Phil looks so indifferent” because it’s just... it’s just completely ridiculous?? You have nothing to base that on whatsoever apart from a half second clip from a video - the leap to conclusion is beyond crazy.

Idk I am aware i went off on a little ramble here, but this kind of thing is where the phandom descends into a total clusterfucky mess. It’s good to take a breather every once in a while and remind ourselves that the things we do know about the boys is very limited. Our ‘evidence’ from the past is still just a bunch of tweets and videos, none of us know them. I don’t want to destroy any ships, because personally I think there’s a LOT of mystery and confusion shrouding their relationship which could absolutely mean something else is going on, but again, I’m not going to make any mad assumptions about anything because at the end of the day I just don’t know.

ANYWAY. Nothing wrong with writing FICTION about this, and that’s what you’ve asked for, so here my love! Thanks for the question (none of this was aimed at you btw! I know you’re just asking in general about the topic, I just wanted to share my thoughts on it).

Got a prompt for me? Click here! (Please be aware that due to an abundance of prompts, your prompt may take a few days to complete - but thank you all for submitting so far!)

The comment catches his attention, and Phil isn’t sure why.

He’s scrolling through the comment section of the latest DanAndPhilGAMES video, a smile playing on his mouth as he reads everyone’s reactions to Dil’s latest adventures.

It’s a treat he allows himself very rarely nowadays, to look through the comments. As Dan once said, it can be like picking through a minefield. Sure, the vast majority of the comments will be overwhelmingly positive, filled with adoration and appreciation of them both, lulling him into a false sense of security and then BAM! One will jump out, jarring him with its nasty words, or its negative perspective. Reading a mean comment can, even now, when there are literally thousands of nice once to combat it, throw Phil off-kilter for days.

It can make him second guess every creative instinct. It can make him snappy and irritable, or just glum.

This comment, though not exactly mean per se, is one such instance. He tries to ignore it, to just scroll past and move on with his life. It’s just a shipper comment, after all. That’s what he and Dan call them. Around half the comments they get on their videos are from the ‘shippers’. It’s fine. Usually neither of them pay any attention to them whatsoever.

But this one has been upvoted 600 times. It has dozens of replies attached to it, clearly a topic of hot discussion. Phil scrolls back up, gnawing at his lip, and lets his eyes scan over the words again:

It’s so sad when Dan says something funny and looks at Phil all hopeful but Phil just ignores him. Heartbreaking to know that Dan will always love Phil more - ever since 2009. 3

Phil closes his laptop, wishing the words would dissolve from his brain. He shuts his eyes, but they burn behind his retinas, bright and jarring. Where do they get this stuff? Is that truly what people believe?

He reopens his laptop and scrolls back up to the video, dragging the slider over the bar at the bottom of the window, scanning his and Dan’s faces for any signs of what that subscriber had said.

As he scrolls through the video for the sixth time, squinting at the screen, he feels Dan flop down onto the sofa beside him, crunching something. Phil sits up, turning to Dan with warm cheeks, feeling caught out.

Dan raises an eyebrow at him, glancing at the screen. He offers Phil a crisp from the packet in his hands.

“Watching phan videos again?” Dan asks him, smiling.

“Just... checking the comments on the Dil vid.” Phil tells him, and Dan sighs knowingly, placing the crisp packet aside.

“Oh God, what’ve they said now?” Dan asks, shuffling towards Phil in order to see.

Phil wonders if he should even mention this to Dan; it seems like it might be worse for him to know the fans seem to think this way, after all. Inevitably though, Phil breaks, not able to think up a good enough lie.

With some reluctance, he scrolls down to the comment, and waits for Dan to read it, chewing his lip.

“Oh,” Dan says in a strange voice, sitting upright. “That’s... I thought it was gonna be like ‘gay emo dicks’ or something.”

Phil laughs a little, but it’s a hollow, unconvincing sound. “You know that... that’s not true, right?”

Dan looks at him, something small and fearful hidden deep in the recesses of his eyes. “Yeah.”

He doesn’t sound very convinced, and it worries Phil immensely. “You’re my whole world, Dan.” Phil tells him with complete sincerity; Dan looks away, obviously embarrassed by the loaded emotion. “I know it sounds melodramatic. But you are. You’re my best friend, my favourite person in the world. I love you so much it’s crazy.”

There’s a choke to Dan’s voice when he next speaks. “Yeah,” he says again, sniffing. “I dunno where they get their weird ideas, tbh.”

Phil pushes his laptop off his knee, reaching for Dan and pulling him in. He holds him tight, pressing firm kisses into his soft curls. “I’m sorry if it ever comes off that way.” Phil tells him, voice a whisper of itself. “I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel that I might not... love you as much.”

Dan shakes his head. “Don’t be stupid.” He pulls away a little, looking up into Phil’s eyes, his smile watery. “I know how much you love me, you sap.”

Phil surveys him carefully, scanning his face for signs of a lie. Eventually a smirk creeps onto his lips, and Dan zeroes in on it, confused.

“Well,” Phil purrs, leaning forwards until their lips brush. “If you ever need a reminder...”

Dan snorts with laughter, trying to wriggle free of his grip. A few kisses later, however, he seems to give in.

#idk what the fic was im sorry #thanks for the prompt bae #prompts #anon #ellen answers

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genogenocrazycatman · 5 years

Text

Good Night Sleep Tight Don’t Let the Bats Bite - Chapter 6: Window

Good Night Sleep Tight Don’t Let the Bats Bite [Archive of Our Own, FanFiction.Net]

Characters: Bruce Wayne/Batman, Dick Grayson/Nightwing, Jason Todd/Red Hood, Tim Drake/Red Robin, Damian Wayne/Robin, Alfred Pennyworth, Original Female Characters, Original Characters,

A collection of fics about members of the Batfam and sleep. Dick’s jealous of a Pillow, Jason’s pissed at a plushie version of Nightwing, Tim finally understands how his family feels and Damian plays midwife to a horse.

***

A terrified scream.

The bang of a gunshot.

A speeding car, burning tire as it rushed away from whatever was happening on the other side of the thin piece of glass that separated the comfortable tranquility of the small apartment from the chaos of the city outside.

A piece of glass, marred by years of dirt. A piece of glass unable to keep out the sounds of people in the alley beneath it. A piece of glass with a hole in the upper left hand corner, the hole serving as the center of a web of cracks.

Taylor cursed this piece of glass as she stared up at the ceiling of her room. Following a straight line from the hole in the window was one in the ceiling, where she assumed the bullet that had pierced both had stopped. The yellowed paint around it was cracking and chipping just like her patience. Since the gunshot, she had been unable to sleep. Every noise caused a feeling of panic to rise in her the adrenaline keeping her awake. She had attempting sleeping the living room, but the sounds of her fellow tenants walking in the hall way didn’t help.

By the time the sun came up the noise had hushed. Unfortunately for Taylor, it also met that it was time for her to go to work. With a tired groan, she rolled out of bed heading to the bathroom to shower and get ready for her shift at the diner.

Half way through her work day, Taylor was dragging. The days of minimal sleep were taking their toll on her.

“Taylor!”

Taylor was startled at the sudden exclamation, looking down just in time to see that the yolks of the eggs she was making had completely cooked through.

“Damn it!” She swore, sliding them off of the grill and into the garbage, cracking two more in their place.

“Are you okay?”

Taylor looked over her shoulder at Jason a regular at the diner. “Yeah. Sorry. It’ll be another minute.”

“You look like shit.”

“I’m tired,” she responded. “There was a fight or something I don’t know in the alley beside my building. There’s always something really. It’s like a damn criminal hotspot or something. Whatever. Some asshole shot through my window, and I haven’t been able to sleep through the night since.”

“You ever think about finding somewhere new to live?”

Taylor shrugged. “I’ve thought about it, but it’s not like I’m a millionaire, and I mean it’s Gotham, even the rich people are attacked and robbed by the crooks here. There isn’t really a ‘safe’ place.”

Jason’s fist clenched under the counter though his face remained indifferent. “Fair enough,” he replied.

“Maybe I’ll check the papers, when I’m at my mom’s. She’s having surgery, so I’m gonna go help her out for the next two weeks. Which means you’ll have to put up with someone else making your food for the week,” she said setting the plate down in front of him. “I don’t want to hear that you’ve been a big baby about it like last time.”

“I was not a baby. She burnt my toast. Toast is literally the easiest part, and she fucked it up.”

Taylor rolled her eyes. “Behave.”

---

“Alright you three, pop quiz. Which one of you can tell me why you’re not ending up like the rest of them?” Red Hood asked, gesturing to the twenty or so bodies littering the alley behind him. In front of him, three of the thugs involved in the gang fight (that he may or may not have orchestrated) cowered.

Red Hood had showed up and single handedly slaughter both groups, but not in his usual style. He had been quick, efficient and for the most part relatively quiet.

No one responded

He sighed kneeling down in front of them waving his gun between three of them. “No one?”

“Still no response.”

“You are alive, because I need you to make sure that every bastard out there knows that this is Red Hood’s territory now, and if I hear that any of you scum bags so much as breath in this direction, it will be the last thing that you ever do. Do you understand?”

They whimpered.

“Do you understand?”

“Yes! Yes!”

“We understand!”

He stood up, holstering his gun.

“Good. Now get out of here.”

The three scrambled to their feet and bolted.

Red hood looked at the scene around him. “I hate cleaning up.”

---

“Breakfast delight,” Taylor said, setting a plate down in front of Jason.

“You’re chipper,” Jason said.

“You sound like hell,” she told him.

“Family meeting,” he said tiredly.

Taylor raised her brows at him, but he offered her no further explanation.

She shrugged it off.

“How’s your mom?”

“She’s fine. Everything went well. My sister’s up there now.”

“You finally get some sleep.”

“Oh my God yes. She lives out in the sticks so like there’s no one around. Just silence. I must’ve brought some of it home with me too, because there was so quiet last night. Literally, there was nothing going in that damn alley.”

Jason nodded mouth full. “I’d watch it. I heard that Red Hood has been lingering round there. Everyone else is too scared to do anything.”

“Well as far as crime lords go, Red Hood is at least somewhat respectful of quiet hours, so I’ll take it.”

Jason rolled his eyes. ‘Respectful of quiet hours.

“You know what was weird though?”

“Hm?”

“My land lord has literally never fixed a fucking thing since I moved in there, but I had a new window, and not even like new glass, but like someone went in and installed a new double paned window with a lock that actually works. When I told him about it, he told me to tape a garbage bag over it.”

“A garbage bag?”

Taylor nodded. “He’s an asshole.”

“What’s his name?”

“Ryan.”

“Ryan...?”

“Slater.”

“Douchey name.” A name that had been added to the list of people Red Hood was gonna have to visit in his new territory.

“It fits.”

“Taylor?”

“Hm?”

Jason pointed to the griddle, where a pancake forgotten.

“Shit!” she swore, flipping it only to find the other side completely blackened, “Son of a bitch!” She tossed it in the garbage pouring batter for another.

Jason chuckled.

“Shut up it’s not funny.”

“I’m not laughing,” he lied, shoving a bite of food into his mouth and smirking at her.

***

Previous | Next

***

Master List | Mobile Version

#teroin writes #batman #DC #fanfiction #good night sleep tight don't let the bats bite #bat family

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bettydgunter90 · 4 years

Text

067: Let’s Get The Truth About Jaren Barnes

Have you ever wondered about Jaren Barnes? What’s his story? Where does he come from? Why does he do what he does?

In this episode, I sit down with Jaren for a one-on-one conversation about his history and story. We’ll learn about how his career developed, where he gets his motivation and you might even learn a few new things he’s never shared on the podcast before.

Links and Resources

010: How Jaren Barnes Changed His Life With One Land Deal

024: An Introduction to Jaren Barnes

REtipster Terms Library

What’s the Difference Between a Realtor, Real Estate Agent, and Real Estate Broker?

Baker Book House

Cap Rate Calculator by Brian Davis

Al Williamson of LeadingLandlord.com

Lucas Hall of Landlordology.com

Coaching with Jaren

Jordan Peterson

The Millionaire Messenger by Brendon Burchard

Thou Shall Prosper by Daniel Lapin

Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins

Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl

Bethel Church in Redding, California

Share Your Thoughts

Leave a note in the comments section below!

Share this episode on Twitter, Facebook or LinkedIn (social sharing buttons below!)

Help out the show:

Leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts Your ratings and reviews really help (and I read each one).

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts

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Thanks again for joining me this week. Until next time!

Right-click here and “Save As” to download this episode to your computer.

Episode 67 Transcription

Seth: Hey everybody, how’s it going? This is Seth Williams and Jaren Barnes of the REtipster podcast. And today we’re going to do something a little bit different. I’m going to stand back and we’re going to interview Jaren for no other reason than to simply help our audience know more about Jaren. If you ever happened to catch episode 10 and I think it was episode 24, we kind of have little bits and pieces of Jaren’s backstory to kind of learn a little bit more about how he operates and what his experience has been and how he’s gotten to his current stage in life.

But we’ve never like actually dedicated a full episode just to hearing all about Jaren. We’ve got a handful of questions here we’re going to run through and just got a pretty cool story. I think you guys are going to enjoy it and I’m going to enjoy it too. So, Jared, what’s up?

Jaren: What’s up guys? This is kind of weird to be on the side of the conversation today, but it’s exciting. I’m excited too because then I think next week, we’re going to be interviewing you, right, Seth?

Seth: Yup. Actually, I don’t know which one’s going to air first, but chances are you’ve either already heard Jaren interview me or if you haven’t yet, that’s going to come next time.

Jaren: Yeah. So, I’m excited to get into your back story as well.

Seth: I guess to kick this off, let’s just answer the high-level question of how did you get into real estate, Jaren?

Jaren: Not that question. Geez. Really what happened was I got married and I needed to figure out a way to make money. My background was I started pursuing a nonprofit work, right out of high school and I dropped out of college to go work full time in a volunteer non-paid position as a superintendent over a homeless shelter in Great Bend, Kansas in the middle of nowhere. And then I helped a friend start a ministry where he was traveling and I was traveling with him. And one of the trips that we ended up going on was to the UK. And I met my wife there and I was really young. My wife is actually, I think three and a half years older than me, almost four years older than me. And I was 19 when I met her and she was 23. And I kind of just, long story short knew that she was my wife. We knew each other for two months and then I moved to the UK to spend the summer with her to get eloped with parent permission. So, I went out there and I turned 20 on July 5th and we were married on July 7th.

Seth: You needed to parent permission. You were 19 though, right?

Jaren: Yeah, I didn’t need it, but I got it because out of honor for her parents.

Seth: It’s not like illegal thing and you just didn’t want to alienate.

Jaren: I just didn’t want to be like a jerk and be like, “Hey, I got married without talking to her parents”. But here’s a really funny story. My wife’s family, they prank each other a lot. We found out after the fact, after we were married when my wife called my mother in law and asked her, “Hey, I met this guy, I really want to marry him. I feel like it’s right. Can I have your blessing?” She was like, “Yeah, yeah, sure” thinking it was a joke. And then she found out it wasn’t a joke but it’s too late. And I obviously couldn’t be a non-paid volunteer for a homeless shelter anymore because I was a husband and needed to provide for a family. So, I moved back from the UK. We were staying in Albany in Scotland and we didn’t know anything about the immigration process because we were young and dumb. And so, I was like, before you moved to America, you should go see your family one more time in Kazakhstan and then you could fly out after. And she said, yeah, that’s a good idea. So, I flew to California to stay with my mom and try to get a job and figure things out. And she went to Kazakhstan and then we found out about this thing called the immigration process. And we were separated for a year and a half and had to go through all that.

Seth: And why is that?

Jaren: Because we didn’t have an American marriage license. We had a British marriage license and neither of us were UK citizens. It looked very suspicious.

Seth: Oh, I see.

Jaren: They needed us to prove that this is a legitimate marriage and not just me getting paid off to help somebody immigrate to the United States.

Seth: Yeah, man, that immigration process is uh. I mean, I’m sure there are reasons for it, but holy cow, what a hassle. When I was working in banking, I remember working with a few people that were going with immigration and it was just like a nightmare. Funny thing is I had heard the back in the 70s or probably 70s and prior to that it was like super easy to get into the U.S. It was like, you just can say, “Well, I’m coming in now” and you’re all good. It didn’t matter if you were coming from Iraq or where. It’s just like, “Hey, just free for all”.

Jaren: Yeah, man. I don’t know why they make it so difficult. The reality is I understand why so many people do it illegally because it’s easier. It’s way easier to do it illegally than to do it the right way. It’s almost a lot of the laws and restrictions in place, they hurt people that are trying to do it the right way. Yeah, so, it’s unfortunate. I really think we need a complete overhaul of the immigration system, but that’s for another podcast.

Anyway, while I was trying to figure out how to make money, some friends started to get into business and entrepreneurship at least from an ideological standpoint. I started reading a lot of books like “Rich Dad Poor Dad” or as one of the books that were really instrumental for me was a book by a guy named Brendon Burchard called the “Millionaire Messenger” and that he literally blueprints a step by step process to make a million dollars a year. He breaks down all the numbers and stuff and it’s really good. And so, I started hanging out with those guys and then one of my friends in the group bought into a Real Estate Guru Program and wanted to start flipping houses in the San Francisco Bay Area. At this time, it was a little bit fast forward. My wife had finally joined me in the United States and we were together and I had just crushed through getting my insurance license and I had convinced a guy to hire me. Even though he wanted somebody who had college experience. I had landed this job and I was working there for about a month and a half and I was the number one salesperson there. I was making more sales for that month than anybody else. I just had to hustle.

And I realized that my friend was telling me that in one deal I could make a hundred thousand dollars. And I was like, man, if I work my entire job in insurance, I can’t make that. Even if I’m sustaining the number of sales that I’m doing now, I can’t make a hundred thousand dollars a year with where I’m at. I was making somewhere around 65-ish thousand or something like that. And I said, man if all I have to do is one sale and I can make a hundred thousand dollars in a year, it’s worth it.

So, I quit my job and then literally left my office after talking to my boss and then went directly to the real estate office in Milpitas. And I started a door-knocking that day and I started door knocking pre-foreclosures. Long story short, it was a crazy ride because again, I was really good at sales from door-knocking. I got 10 properties under contract in six months, which at the time with the climate that was really, really hard to do. It was just coming off of the 2008 recession and it’s a tough market.

I was doing really well, but the people that we were kind of partnered with weren’t the most ethical at all. I wasn’t getting paid and they were kind of kicking their feet about closing on these properties and they had a really unethical way to actually turn foreclosures into a deal or short sales into a deal. But at the time I didn’t realize. But now knowing what I know being licensed and everything, they all could have gone to prison for what they were doing and I’m glad that I stopped doing business with them. But from there I kind of got bit by the real estate bug and I was like, “All right, I really like real estate. There’s something here I want to go after it”.

I started a blog called realestatecatalyst.org and I made a post about a bunch of really awesome blogs out there, Bigger Pockets being one of them. I think REtipster was one of them too, right? And that’s how I got on Seth’s radar.

Yeah. So, from there, Biggerpockets, Josh and Brandon reached out to me like, thank you so much for the review that dah, dah, dah. Which is crazy to think. It must have been the Wild Wild West because I’m sure people write blog posts about Bigger Pockets all day long now and they don’t get reached out to by these guys. But this is back in 2013/2014. And so, long story short, they ended up wanting to come or they were going to do a presentation for Google. I was really involved in the Bigger Pockets meetups there in the Bay Area. And so, I connected Brandon and Josh to the guy that runs the Bigger Pockets meetups for the San Francisco Bay Area. And then they came and kind of did like a special meet and greet or whatever. And that’s how I got on their radar. And I noticed that Josh put out a job listing on social media saying that they needed some extra help. It was just Josh and Brandon at the time and some 1099 contractors and few VA’s. And so long story short, I reached out, I said, “Hey, I would be interested. I have blogging experience. I started my own thing and I think I would be a good fit. I’d love to work with you guys”. And he said, “Well, it has to be temporary because we want to build the team in Denver. I don’t want any more virtual employees outside of Brandon. So, would you be okay with it?” And I said, yeah, a hundred percent.

So, I worked there for I think five months and I did a lot of stuff there. I learned a ton. I edited all of the blog posts that were contributed there. There were 35 blog contributors at the time. I did forum monitoring. I wrote the show notes for the podcast. I wrote the outlines for the podcast. I got guests for the podcast. I did a lot. I did pretty much anything that they would throw at me, I would do it. And it was a really great experience. And from there I was kind of in transition for a little bit and ultimately decided to move to Indianapolis because things are cheaper there. If I wanted to afford a house and I wanted to continue to pursue real estate, that would have been much more advantageous.

So, I moved there and I was kind of feeling like I needed to pick between content marketing and real estate. And I ultimately chose real estate. I got my real estate license and then got hired by a guy named Brett Snodgrass to do content marketing. He was a real estate wholesaler. I’ve always kind of been in this bubble of content marketing and in real estate. This is kind of my whole career. And halfway through my time at Simple Wholesaling while I was building a brand for Simple Wholesaling, I switched to doing the deal side of the business. And I was the head of this position. So, it was my responsibility to make sure that the properties got sold. At the height, I was selling between 25 and 35 properties a month. We had 35 properties and those were like killer months, best months ever. But on average, the bare minimum we were hitting over 25 properties a month.

I learned a ton there and starting a podcast and continuing the branding efforts. We interviewed Seth about the land business and I was really intrigued about the land business because it was very similar to wholesaling but had just a lot more perks. Properties were cheaper, marketing was cheaper, less competition. The major difference between the wholesaling houses, if you actually take down your inventory and you don’t do assignments with land is that it takes a little bit longer to move property. My typical turnaround time in my land business is three to six months. Whereas if you’re wholesaling and you’re working with investor buyers, you can move property within a few days of having it. A lot of guys do double closes and that kind of stuff.

So, I wanted to utilize the skill sets that I had without being direct competition to my boss at Simple Wholesaling because I’m a pretty loyal guy and I thought that I was going to be there for a while, maybe in the long haul, but I wanted to still have my own ability to make wealth and generate wealth that wasn’t in direct competition to Simple Wholesaling. And so, I reached out to Seth and he said, “Hey, how about you moonlight the land course? I’ll give you access to it for free. And you just give me feedback on what your experience was like”. I was like, “Yeah, heck yeah, I’ll do that”. And so, I went through it, took action, and then kind of took off doing land in Indiana. Simple Wholesaling had some transitions and a long story short, it turned out that it wasn’t going to be the best fit for me to be there long-term.

So, I was kind of, again in transition, still working in my land business, but I was in the beginning stages. So cashflow is a real problem. And me and Seth were actually in a mastermind group together with a couple of other guys like Lucas Hall and Al Williamson. Al Williamson is leading landlord.com and then Lucas Hall is from cozy.com. He found in landlordology.com. We’ll put those in the show notes. Those guys are great. We were in a mastermind group, that we met over Zoom. We met every other week. I was complaining about my cashflow problems. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do because the land business is awesome and it’s working and we’re okay, but we’re not getting ahead. We’re just kind of treading water. And Seth said, “Well, how about you come work for REtipster?” And I was like, “That’s a great idea. That might be awesome”.

Yeah, I ended up joining the team in July of 2018 if I remember correctly. And it’s been history ever since I’ve been growing my land business. I moved from Indiana to Florida. Well, I didn’t move. I’m in Indiana still, but I moved my land operation from Indiana to Florida. And ever since I did that, things took off like a rocket and it’s been really, really good. I got to be honest, man, working at REtipster it’s my dream job. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted to do with helping people, making videos, writing articles that are tutorial base and very action-oriented and podcasting and videos and all this man.

Right now, as we’re recording this, we’re in the thick of the coronavirus nonsense mess pandemic and it’s easy to forget. But man, I can’t believe I get to do what I do every day because it’s literally everything I’ve ever wanted to do.

Seth: Yeah man, likewise. I remember that moment when you were telling me and I had that light bulb moment of “Hey, maybe Jaren could work for REtipster” and it was usually I’m too dense and slow to recognize those opportunities when they’re right in front of me. But I think God was just telling me like, “Hey stupid, here you go. Perfect opportunity right here”. And it’s true man. That’s the thing. It’s surprisingly difficult to find people out there because there’s like a lot of different things they have to be in order to excel in the role that you are in. You’ve got to have relevant experience. You have to know what you’re talking about. You have to be somebody who knows how to talk and actually explain things in a way that people can understand.

I can’t tell you how many super successful real estate investors there are out there, but they either have no interest in helping other people understand or are just terrible at it. They don’t have the mind or the heart of a teacher. And then also somebody who enjoys the video thing. I think a lot of people hate being on video. The podcasting thing and knows how to write and just convey ideas and you’re just a really good blend of everything that a person would ever need to be. So, I’m really glad we are where we at.

Jaren: Yeah, man, a hundred percent. I got to just take my hat off to you. I hope that this doesn’t turn into some like a gushy love fest or something.

Seth: Oh, I’m okay with that.

Jaren: I’m just really thankful for how much you’ve helped me hone my skills in that. Like I think I was okay. Like, I definitely could start a podcast and do some stuff. But now it’s like I really have some skills and I only have you to thank for that. I mean, I really just appreciate the opportunity man.

Seth: Yeah, absolutely.

Jaren: That’s awesome man.

Seth: I’m glad I could play any role in helping you along. That’s really cool man. Thanks for saying. So, we’ve kind of heard about from college-age until now. So when you were a kid, did you have any interest in being an entrepreneur, running businesses or making money or any of that stuff? Or did the light bulb sort of go off when you discovered real estate back in the Bay Area those years ago?

Jaren: I was not entrepreneurial at all when I was a kid. I was actually kind of like, I don’t know like I was a troubled kid I guess I would say to put it lightly. I just didn’t have much of a direction at all. Before I had my “Come to Jesus” moment when I was 15. I was really into like drugs and the party scene. I remember in my freshman year of high school because I went back and forth between my mom and my dad’s house. My mom lives in California, my dad lives in Georgia. I graduated in Georgia, but in my freshman year, I was in California. And I remember telling my teachers like, “What do you want to do when you get older?” I was like, “I want to just be like a nomad. Just kind of be a traveling nomad”. Because they beat the system. They don’t have any cares in the world. They don’t have to worry about bills or anything. They just go wherever they want to go and do whatever they want to do.

So that was where I was at, man. I was kind of like coming off of a kind of hippy-dippy, like nonsense stuff that doesn’t really work in the real world. But I had my “Come to Jesus” moment when I was 15 and that really kind of just gave me a whole new sense of direction. But the entrepreneurial bug bit me kind of out of necessity because I don’t have a college degree or a career to fall back on. I don’t have those kinds of skillsets. So, I had to figure out something and figure it out fast. Because my wife who’s older wants kids and has family obligations and I was a young kid really having to figure it out quickly, like really fast. So, real estate was the best path for me.

Seth: Yeah. That’s always weird for me to even think of you as being somebody who is a troubled kid or having no direction because you just seem so the opposite of that now. The only Jaren I’ve ever known as somebody who’s super driven and does have direction and is not a total misfit.

Jaren: Yeah. That’s my wife man. That’s all on my wife. Because my wife grew up in real poverty. She was born under the Soviet Union. So, the Soviet Union fell in 1991. She was born in 1987 and she grew up toilets in the backyard and a village kind of poor. Her story, they could write a whole book about it, but just kind of like curiously through her struggles I realized, I guess I got a little bit of that immigrant hustle from her. I realized, “Oh, wait, there’s an ungodly amount of opportunity just being in America.” I almost have a responsibility or an obligation to capitalize on that opportunity because so many people would literally kill to be like literally killed to be here and it’s a big deal. So, I can only attribute my drive and who I am today to my faith in my wife.

Seth: When I think of the people I’ve known in my life who were sort of like troublemakers or I don’t know, sort of what you were describing of yourself as a young person. I wonder if that’s the main issue at stake is that they simply have no direction or they don’t have a meaning to life. They don’t know what they’re doing or why they’re even here. And it’s almost like I don’t know if boredom is the right word, but just like when you have no a mission or you don’t understand the importance of life and what you’ve put here to do, it’s really easy to flounder and just go nowhere. And that’s probably where a lot of troubles in the world come from. It’s people who just don’t understand what they’ve been given and the opportunities that are sitting right in front of them.

Jaren: I would a hundred percent agree with that. I used to even tell people like, I don’t understand, I mean this is going to sound crazy to probably all of our audience, but when I was like 13-14 doing crazy stuff, I used to tell people like, I don’t understand the point of being sober. It’s boring. Why would you do it? I think people, everybody to thrive, they need a purpose, they need a mission and I just didn’t have one for a long time. And so, I had my “Come to Jesus” moment.

Seth: Sometimes I wonder if that purpose is born out of struggle. People have a life where they can just kind of sit in front of the TV, they can just sort of do whatever they want. They don’t have to do anything that day. It’s just whatever. I’ve known people like that in my life and the people that I know that are like super productive or really like push it really far and get far in life. I don’t know that they would be that way if they weren’t well acquainted with struggle. It’s almost like you sort of have to hurt a little bit to realize the importance of pushing for something better.

Jaren: Here I speak in my life’s ideals, man. Like my core values. Especially in recent years with things that we’ve gone through some family stuff and whatever. Like I used to be anti-suffering, adamantly anti-suffering, but I’m not so much anymore. I think that controlled suffering is the only way that you can grow. You think about working out at the gym. All you’re doing is you’re putting yourself in a position to have controlled suffering. That’s all it is. Repetitive controlled suffering is what grows muscles. It’s the same thing that grows character and it’s the same thing that teaches you how to speak a different language or learn a new skill. It’s getting through the pain and the struggle of not knowing something or fill in the blank. And that’s the only path to growth. You can’t grow without suffering.

Seth: Amen. That’s good stuff. We’ve heard your whole backstory or at least all the highlights. Is there anything else you do in terms of real estate investing outside of land? Or do you have much experience in other realms?

Jaren: I have a lot of experience because I sold a lot of “buy and hold” property and flip the property to buyers. I had to understand what they were looking for, how they run their numbers, all that stuff. I am very interested in a “buy and hold” long-term. I don’t think that two to four units are the route that I would want to go. I’ve been looking into syndications pretty heavily over the last six months and I would probably still be very interested in pursuing that. Right now, the climate’s very different than it was, but I keep coming back to it depending on who you talk to. If you talk to a syndicator, they’re small multifamily. You talk to somebody who buys residential multifamily, like two to four units, they call them big. So, it’s all relative. But anything from 5 to like 50-unit range, I feel like in the syndication world, there’s a lot of guys shy away from those because they require more hands-on management. You can’t get the good high-level property managers for those kinds of properties like you would for a 100-unit or whatever.

But being in Northwest Indiana and seeing the opportunities that are here, there’s a house literally five-minute walk from where I’m at right now. That’s a six-unit that is selling for like $550,000. There was another 10-unit, 30 minutes north of me in a really nice area called Whiting, Indiana for $500,000. It was a 10 unit.

Seth: Oh, man. Does it make good money? Are the 10 garbage units or are nice ones?

Jaren: No, I mean Whiting is kind of an Oasis in the ghetto. There’s East Chicago and then there’s Hammond is kind of up and coming. I would buy in Hammond. Purdue has a college campus there. And then there’s Gary to the East. And Gary is pretty rough. But Whiting is a really quaint little town and we would totally get renter’s there because it’s safe. It’s right by Lake Michigan. It’s literally the most Northern part of Indiana before you’re in Illinois and in Chicago. Looking at the opportunities here, if I’m going to be settled here, I don’t know, I keep circling back to that. I don’t know a hundred percent if that’s the route that I’m going to go. I’m like not committing to anything but larger “buy and hold” anywhere from 5 to doing full on syndications of like a hundred and plus units.

That’s something that’s intriguing to me, but I also like kind of the obscure creative weird stuff in real estate that’s just unusual. Like billboards have been on my radar quite a bit. I got a property that is right off of the highway in Jacksonville right now. It’s a land deal that’s vacant and it’d be perfect for a billboard and so that’s been intriguing to me. And then also all these guys that invest overseas like in Belize or in the Azores that we’ve been talking to over the last year that I like short term rentals, vacation rentals. I really like that as a strategy. I think that it sounds like it’s fun. It makes really good money, but to me, honestly, the appeal is it just sounds like it’s cool to be able to be like, “Yeah, I got a property in Hawaii, I got a property in Belize, I got property in the Azores and it makes me all this money and it’s awesome. If you ever want to go, we could always just go and book a weekend. We could go for free”.

That just seems very appealing to me. And I like the fact that there are all these obscure vacation destinations like Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, nobody really talks about that. But you can get really, really cheap property there and then you can Airbnb it in the on-season and probably make a crazy amount of money. I don’t know, that’s the stuff that’s on my radar. But currently, the only stuff that I’ve actually taken action on is I live in a house situation, I live in the side of a duplex and then I flip land. But other things are very much on my radar for the future.

Seth: And you’re really very, very familiar with the whole house wholesaling business model too. I mean, it may not have been like your money tied up in those properties, but you actually played a hand in doing many, many transactions that way. There’s a ton of stuff to learn just from that right there.

Jaren: I’ve probably had my hands involved in over 250 transactions. Confidently.

Seth: Yeah, that’s huge, man. And you were a real estate agent for a while as well, right?

Jaren: Yeah. I’m still technically licensed. I haven’t let it lapse or expire. I’m not a part of the local MLS association, the GNIAR is what it’s called for Northwest Indiana. I’m kind of just biding my time, but since I went through the headaches and the two years’ experience to get a broker’s license, like a managing broker’s license in Indiana, so I don’t have to hang in with anybody. It’s just hard for me to let go of that. I’ve just been keeping it inactive for now.

Seth: If you did let go of that, how hard is it to get it back? The managing broker’s license?

Jaren: I’d have to start from the beginning.

Seth: Man, that stinks.

Jaren: Yeah, so I’d have to have two years of active real estate experience again and do the whole thing and pass the broker’s test again.

Seth: By the way, Jaren put together a couple of really good articles about explaining the difference between a realtor, real estate agent, real estate broker and how the terms and names for those roles kind of differ from state to state. I never fully even understood it myself until I saw his writeup. I’m going to link to both of those in the show notes as well in case you’ve ever been curious about that. A lot of times people call somebody a real estate agent and they use that term interchangeably with something that isn’t necessarily that. Anyway, I just thought I mentioned that since we’re on the subject.

Jaren: Yeah, I worked hard on those. It’s funny, with some of these articles we’ve been working on recently with recent projects, it’s like one term can turn into a nightmare. Like real estate agent can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

Seth: Yeah. For all the listeners out there, if you guys didn’t know this, I’ve mentioned it in a few different places, but just in case you weren’t aware, a big initiative we’ve been working on, on REtipster is creating a terms library. The idea is to just take a lot of words that are very commonly thrown around in the real estate world. Like 1031 exchange or absentee owner or real estate agent for example. Words that the typical real estate investor who’s been doing this for a while, they’re probably very familiar with it or maybe they think they know because they use the word, but they don’t actually understand all the intricate details behind it. We’ve been trying to very clearly explain these things like writing a full article about each one of them. Not just defining it but like a lot of other tidbits that people ought to know about those particular terms.

This is a new terms library on the site. I think both of us have just been blown away at how much harder this has been than we thought it would be. Part of what makes it hard is because if we want to really make ground and define a lot of these things, more than like 10 in a two- or three-month period, we have to get other writers involved, other people who understand them and can write well. That has been really hard to find good writers. And then even when we do find a good writer, it’s a ton of work to edit them and make sure all the statements were correct.

Jaren: The crosschecking on editing is a nightmare because they can legitimately show you, this article says straight up XYZ, but then you might know because you have experience in the industry. Yeah, but that’s only half the picture and that’s only under certain circumstances that that term is used for that. So, it’s really hard to figure it out.

Seth: For the ones that I’ve been writing, I’ve got legit textbooks here that I used in college. I’ve seen that same kind of thing where it explains the term in one context and it’s right in that one context. But there are also other situations where that same word is used and it means something slightly different or even very different. I’ve found plenty of other articles on like big reputable websites that have done the same thing where it’s like they are either not fully correct or they’re wrong. It’s one of those things like on the surface when you just think, “Oh yeah, let’s write a bunch of terms articles”. It seems really easy. But like, holy cow, if you want to do it right and do it well, it is insane how much work it takes. For both of us, editing is probably my least favorite thing to do. I’ve been kind of crabby every day that I have to edit articles. Jaren can attest to that. It just totally wears me out. So, it’ll be interesting to see if people get anything out of this. Like is this something we ought to spend our time on or should we do something else?

Jaren: Oh, and by the way, this is an incredible opportunity. If any of the listeners out there have real estate experience and professional editing experience, please reach out to us.

Seth: Yes, please.

Jaren: We are in a desperate situation.

Seth: Yeah, we have tapped a couple of people who have been very helpful, but a friend of mine works for a book publisher called Baker Book House and he is an editor. Like that’s what he does. He was explaining to me that every time they publish a book, it goes through four different editors. At first, I was like, man, that seems like overkill, but I’m realizing that’s actually very appropriate. There’s a lot of stuff that one editor by themselves will not catch. Because it’s not just about grammar and spelling, it’s about doing this sentence structure is right, should it be moved to a different place? Are the statements even correct? There is so much stuff involved in editing. It’s kind of mind-boggling when you think about it.

Jaren: Yeah man. Hey, can we link in the show notes my favorite terms article that I’ve read so far is been that article that Brian Davis wrote on cap rates. For whatever reason, I think that was the best writeup I’ve ever read on cap rates. He really made it super simple to not only understand but also to stick in my mind.

Seth: Yeah, Brian’s a great writer. Everything he puts together, it’s just awesome. So yeah, I’ll link to that. We have not just an amazing article on it, but also a calculator you can use on that same article. So, let’s move on here. The next question I’ve got for you, Jaren is, what is your craziest story about a real estate deal you were involved with? What’s just a bizarre experience you had for better or worse?

Jaren: One of the craziest things that have ever happened in my life is when I first started working for Simple Wholesaling, Brett had me go get trained on how to take down a boarded-up house or how to get access to a boarded-up house or to board up a house or something. He gives me this address and this is probably the most ghetto place I’ve ever been in my life. It’s like straight up from a movie kind of ghetto, like drug addicts walking around on the streets. I don’t know, it was scary. It was weird. I walk up to this house, people, all the neighbors are looking at me weird. Half of mine, it feels like I’m about to get attacked. I go up and then I see Gary, who’s this super small town, really kind of a gullible, sweet guy. And he’s like, “Hey, Jared” and la-la-la. And we were like, go in this house. He’s showing me all chirpy and nice.

Seth: And who is Gary?

Jaren: Gary was our property manager for the tenant owned properties and he also was our transaction coordinator at Simple Wholesaling.

Seth: I gotcha.

Jaren: He’s training me and we walk into this house and he is showing me around and all of a sudden, I started noticing all these Brown things everywhere. And I’m like, “Hey, do they have dogs?” He said, “Oh no man, this was a crack house and this is all human feces everywhere”. And I’m like, “What?” And like literally everywhere, there’s just spots of like just poop everywhere. And then we go upstairs and I have noticed that the bathroom, there’s no poop, there’s no anything nasty really. It’s like the nicest room in the house. And so, me and Gary were talking about it. I’m like, “What the heck? Why is it poop everywhere else except in the bathroom?”

And then while we’re putting up the boards or doing whatever we were doing, some guy approaches us and says, “Hey man, my friend was squatting here and he has my bike and my backpack in the back yard”. And obviously, this guy was the guy that was squatting there. And it was his stuff. He was fine moving on. He just wanted to get his stuff. And so, we’re like, “Yeah man, you can get your stuff. Go for it”. He said, “Aw, thanks, man. Thanks, man”. Gary actually couldn’t help himself and he asked the guy, he’s like, “Hey man, I’m just curious. You said, your friend lived here and we noticed there’s poop everywhere but there’s no poop in the bathroom. Why is there no poop in the bathroom? I’m just curious”. And the guy says, “Oh, man, that’s where we smoke our crack. We can’t poop in there. It will smell on everything”. So, they would rather poop everywhere else in the house but the bathroom. It was super weird, man. That was one of the “Welcome to real estate” moments.

Seth: Man, was that early on in your civil wholesaler career or had you been there for a while?

Jaren: I think it was like the first or second day.

Seth: Yeah man, that’s nuts. Isn’t it crazy? Maybe I and the average person listening to this is just kind of sheltered. We just have certain standards that are normal, but it is crazy how some people live. Can you imagine being that guy and being like, “This is okay? This is normal for me to live like this”.

Jaren: I mean I’ve seen so many other houses like that too. There was a house in Fountain Square Indianapolis, which Fountain Square is a really nice up and coming area and they had a back room. There was a tenant occupied and it had a backroom that was blocked off. And then I went back there and there’s just poop everywhere. And I’m like, “Hey, what’s up with this?” And they’re like, “Oh, we just let the dogs go poop and pee in that back room during the winter so that they don’t get cold”.

Seth: That’s unbelievable. Yeah, man. I mean drugs must be involved with that. I mean, can you think of a reason why a normal mentally coherent person would just do that? I mean, I don’t know.

Jaren: I think it’s when you grow up in a hoarder type situation and filth, you’re just accustomed to it. You just don’t know what cleanliness feels like.

Seth: Actually, I had a college roommate who I don’t know if his parents were hoarders necessarily, but very, very messy people. I had been to his house a few times and it was just like, “Holy cow, there’s so much junk everywhere”. But he was not like that. It’s almost like he saw the problem and he’s like, “This isn’t okay. I’m going to be clean in my life”. So, I don’t know. Who knows? Who knows? But it is kind of crazy how some people live.

Jaren: Human psychology is very, very complicated. Trying to figure out why people do what they do, it’s really, really complicated.

Seth: It’s very true. Now that we’ve heard that horror story, what was your best deal to date and what made it so good?

Jaren: Yeah, it was the one that I talked about on the previous interview. At first, we did it on YouTube and then you started the podcast and I think you used it for the podcast.

Seth: Was that episode 10? I think that was episode 10.

Jaren: I think so. Yeah. And that one was the best deal ever. It was just the stars aligned and Brett had some land property that he had acquired. And then he and I had a deal in total that we had one buyer that wanted to buy everything. And on our properties that we had gotten, I think it was like over 200 acres and the details are starting to get fuzzy now. I’m sure I said what they were in the episode. But what happened was this timber company decided to do a double close on this, like crazy huge property. So, Brett says to date that was the most he ever made in one single transaction and I made $38,000.

Seth: Yeah. And that was part of the deal, right?

Jaren: Yeah. That was just a part of the deal. Yeah. It was just insane. That changed my life and gave me seed money for really growing the business. You get deals in land that just don’t happen in other types of real estate investing strategies.

Seth: I can attest to that.

Jaren: It’s crazy. Like the home runs are really home runs in land.

Seth: Were you guys looking for land when you do the deal or did it just happen to come up as you were looking for houses?

Jaren: The property that he bought, another wholesaler brought to him and he’s like, “All right, Jared has been talking about this land thing. Let me see if I can take a crack at it”. And I had just started marketing for my property. So, I think I had done three deals before that one, something like that. Two or three deals. And at the time, again, because of my loyalty to Simple Wholesaling and all that, like I was completely fine exclusively partnering with Brett on all the deals that I brought in. And that’s what I was planning on doing. So, I think we had done about two or three deals before that one. It completely changed my life, man.

Seth: Yeah, man, that’s awesome. That’s really cool that you were able to have such a big win early on. For me, it took me like a few years to find one like that and it’s not necessarily normal, but it’s pretty awesome that you could see it right at the outset. So, what was the worst deal you’ve ever done? Did you lose money and how did that all happen?

Jaren: So probably the worst deal that I ever did was one that was also with Brett, unfortunately. We bought it. It was landlocked with easement access. I think it was like 24 acres or something. The front parcel that we had easement access on was another 6 acres. So overall it was about 30 acres or 32 acres I think total. And that was just a tough situation because we had bought it right but the easement problem, it was just hard to get over. And I didn’t know how to get good land as a specialized real estate agent at the time and I didn’t know how to move the property quickly. I was just really green to take on a project like that. And what we ended up doing was we bought the front parcel that was 6 acres for the same price that we bought the back. And so, we just had way too much money in the deal and it just took forever in a day to sell. I just walked out of the deal and gave it to Brett and let Brett recoup his losses on that as much as possible. But that was probably the toughest deal. I learned I’m pretty gun shy when it comes to landlocked properties, I think because of that. But you know what you’re doing. I think landlocked properties are the source of some of the best deals in land.

Seth: It’s all about getting it cheap man.

Jaren: Yeah, it’s just getting it super, super cheap. And another one too. I always sell coaching clients because people ask me on discovery calls right before they become coaching clients with REtipster. They say, “What are the areas that I really have to watch out? What’s the secret sauce to making this business work?” And I say it’s two things. It’s due diligence and it’s direct mail. If you can wrap your head around doing marketing and you can wrap your head around due diligence, you’re good. That’s the 80/20 of it. Because due diligence is what has always bit me in the butt. By not understanding like, Oh, this road that’s right next to my property is a private road. So, I bought it and I can’t do anything with the property because without an easement access, I’m kind of screwed. Or I bought a property early on in Indiana that I thought was a great deal based on the comps. I bought it for $2,500 and then all of a sudden, literally the County told me you can barely have a hammock on this property. Like, there’s nothing you can do with it. That one I just had to let go to the tax foreclosure because there was nothing, I could do with it. And I tried to sell it to the neighbor and yeah, long-short, there are bumps and bruises along the way, but you got to take your losses and learn from them. But the biggest thing for me is due diligence.

Seth: Yeah. That whole thing about losing money on deals and having the ones that basically aren’t home runs or don’t pan out the way you want. On one hand, you could sort of look at it the way I always have, which I don’t necessarily think is healthy, but look at it in such a way of like, “Hey, I’m only going to go after home runs and it needs to do really well or I really screwed something up”. But on the same coin, it’s like, and I heard this a lot in the banking industry too, it’s some people will brag about, “Yeah, I’ve never done a loan that’s lost money. I’ve always had a perfect track record”. But if that’s true, that means you’ve missed a ton of opportunities. You’ve never taken a risk. You’ve never stuck your neck out and dared to be great. You look at the batting average of the best home run hitters in major league baseball. It’s like they strike out way more than they ever get on base. It’s not like having a bad deal is a sign of failure. It just means hey you’re really pushing the envelope and trying to do good deals and that’s going to happen eventually.

Jaren: Obviously if you can avoid it, avoid it. But there’s something about struggle again man, when you taste failure, there’s no better teacher.

Seth: Yeah. And I think that is one different thing about the land business. Because if we were talking about flipping houses where on every deal you got to take out, either put tons of cash down or take out a loan, then failing one time is a massive hit. That’s a huge problem. With a land deal, if you lose a few hundred bucks or a few thousand bucks, it’s like, yeah, that’s a bummer. But it’s not the end of the world.

Jaren: Yeah, again, it’s one of the major benefits to land because you’re buying it so cheap and so much undervalued. Even if the economy were to turn, you should be able to get what you bought the property for out of it, if you’re buying right.

Seth: Yeah, totally. So, I’m curious, if you did not invest in real estate, say you never discovered the real estate business at all, say you never worked for Biggerpockets or Simple Wholesaling or REtipster. Where do you think your life would have taken you? What would you be doing today?

Jaren: I don’t know man. My knee gut reaction says some kind of ministry or some kind of teacher, coach or something, a theology professor or something like that. I admire Jordan Peterson’s life and his work. And I find what he gets to do every day, at least, being from the outside looking in really exciting and really fulfilling. I really love coaching. I think the thing that I get to do at REtipster that I enjoy the most is working with people and having them become successful. When I talk to people like Sean Callahan who’s doing a crazy amount of deals and it’s like really taken off, I don’t know, that gives me a sense of fulfillment, it gives me a sense of purpose and like, “Wow, I’m actually making a difference with my life”. I think that it would be something related to teaching or coaching or pastoring or something like that.

Seth: Cool. And you’re clearly wired to work with people. I mean you’re a social person, you know how to have great conversations and help people think through problems and it’s really cool to see you being able to really put that to good use. So, what’s one of the more influential books you’ve read in your life?

Jaren: Man, there is a lot. Can I give three? Probably the first one that comes to mind is “Thou Shall Prosper” by Rabbi Daniel Lapin. That completely changed the way I look at money and the way I look at economics and the way that I relate to business because rabbi Daniel Lapin emphatically proves that business is 100% spiritual in nature. And that shift really helped me kind of reconcile this. Like, “Hey, I thought I was going to be doing ministry stuff but I’m doing business stuff. Where’s my life calling in the midst of all that?” And that was a foundational life-changing book for me.

“Can’t Hurt Me” by David Goggins. Anything from David Goggins, man. It’s just his material has just really, really given me language and a context to teach some life lessons that I have learned with personal tragedies and stuff that we’ve gone through as a family. And I really, really liked that book.

And probably another one that was really impactful was “Man’s Search For Meaning” by Viktor Frankl who is a psychologist who was sent to a Nazi concentration camp and studied because he couldn’t help himself. He essentially just observed both his experience and the experience of torture victims and actually designed a new therapy for trauma victims, I guess. And I forget the name of it, but

Seth: Interesting. essentially the premise is that anybody who’s gone through pain and trauma, if you can help them find purpose in it and a mission in it, you find meaning in the suffering, then that brings healing and that brings closure. It’s not really about being happy. People don’t really even want to be happy because happy is boring. People want to be on a mission.

Jaren: They want to have something to fight for. They want to have something to strive for and sacrifice for. So that book was really instrumental.

Seth: That is interesting. I never actually thought about that. So, I know what you mean. I feel like happiness is the thing that everybody is going after in life. But when I think about times in my life when I have been happy, I couldn’t point to hardly anything that wasn’t going right. There is something, I hate saying this, but there’s something kind of boring about that. It’s like now what? Okay, what now? I don’t know. I feel awful saying that. I feel like that’s a really spoiled snotty thing for me to say.

Jaren: But it’s true.

Seth: But yeah, I think you’re honest on that. It’s like it needs to be a greater purpose or another person or something that you’re living for. It’s not just about being happy so to speak.

Jaren: Would you rather be in a spot where you had a mansion and a pool and anything you could ever want that money could buy? Or would you rather be Gandhi or Martin Luther King? For most people, I think that they would rather have their life be a person of significance. And that can look like providing for your family. A large portion of what it looks like for me is fighting and providing for my family. But I think that mission man and being mission-oriented and figuring out why you’re here and why you’re going the way you’re doing is crucial for success.

Seth: Yes. I think anybody who’s honest and who has achieved financial success and then have been able to buy things and stuff like that, you get like a really nice car and that’s exciting for like…

Jaren: A day.

Seth: For a while. But at the end of the day, like it’s just a car. You don’t really need it. It’s not like it’s going to be your legacy or anything. It’s just a nice thing. But there’s a lot more depth to a mission and yeah, that’s interesting man.

So, we have sort of done this before on various other episodes where both Jaren and I answered the famous final three questions that we always ask people at the end of every show. But now we’re going to hit Jaren with those. So, Jaren, first question, what is your biggest fear?

Jaren: My personality is very much achievement-oriented. Fear of failure or fear of not living up to my potential. I think in times past I said the fear of death, but I’ve been reciting that. I’ve been doing a practice every morning. When I remember, it’s not perfect, but I have like a daily confession that I read out. And the first thing that it says is, “You’re going to die, so make your life count”. I’ve been getting more acclimated to death. But my biggest thing is I’m afraid that despite my effort to be the fullness of what I’m capable of being, I’m going to miss out on my potential or fail at it. Or no matter the effort that I put in, it’s not going to yield anything substantial or significant.

Seth: Yeah. I think people who meet their potential and actually live up to what they can really be is actually an incredibly rare thing. I think most people don’t get there. Do you think this is any grant type three thing?

Jaren: A hundred percent. No, a hundred percent. I’m just hardwired for achievement, man. That’s my personality. There are pros and cons to it. I could judge myself for it or I could just embrace the fact that this is how I’m wired, that I am to a fault the only way that I get any sense of personal satisfaction out of life or happiness or any of that is if I’m getting results and the things that I care about. And sometimes that’s financially, but a lot of it is personal disciplines like working out or running or like calming my mind or growing. I put a ton of pressure on myself. I think it’s my biggest strength and I think it’s my biggest weakness. I think it’s my Achilles heel, but it’s also my superpower. I am obsessed with being the best that I can be.

Seth: Yeah. That’s always a tough thing when you see somebody who has attributes, like, that everybody has them, they’re just different for each person. But when somebody has that kind of double-edged sword where it’s like there’s something that makes them great, but it’s also their downfall. Part of me wants to be like, “Hey, maybe you want to change that”. But the other part of me is like, “No, don’t change that at all. That’s what makes you amazing”. But it makes me wonder is there a point at which a good thing becomes bad. It makes me hesitant to ever look at anybody’s attribute and say that’s not a good thing because it’s sort of is a good thing at the same time. It’s just about whether it’s a healthy version of that thing.

Jaren: I hundred percent agree, man. I think that people should double down on their strengths and then set up protection against their weaknesses. But don’t reject them or judge yourself for them because that’s stupid. It’s unfruitful. It’s unproductive. I mean sure you could through a lot of effort maybe move like with my achievement thing. I could definitely do better at self-acceptance or having mercy for myself or grace for myself or whatever. But I could put all my effort and attention on trying to move the needle one step in that direction or I could just be like, “Whatever, this is who I am”. I understand that there are some drawbacks to this, but when the drawbacks come up, I can just recognize them for what they are and say, “Okay, it’s unproductive. I get it. I need to put my efforts on having me thrive based on the way that I’m wired and tick”.

I think from our education standpoint, we base our education on the college model is to kind of have you be a jack of all trades. They want you to be a well-rounded human being and expose you to several different disciplines. I don’t think that is the most productive way to educate somebody. I think that you should on the beginning of education, identify their strengths and then help them make their strengths a superpower. If somebody is really good at music or somebody is really good at math, they should double down on that and then get exceptional like world-class at it and don’t worry English. Like you got software that can help you spell correctly.

Seth: Yeah. I think that’s sort of the spirit behind like a liberal arts education. It’s sort of known for doing a lot of different stuff. A lot of stuff that you don’t necessarily need. But at the same time, it’s like how do you know what you’re going to be good at if you don’t try a bunch of stuff? It’s sort of the question of “When do you cut that off?” How much do you make somebody jump through these hoops before we just settle and be like, “Okay we’re going to pick something now”?

Jaren: And that’s where I think personality tests and the Enneagram test for whatever reason, that thing is probably the most impactful personality test I’ve ever taken.

Seth: Yeah, me too. And you can say that about anything too. Like sometimes I think about that with sports. There are so many different sports out there, tons of them, a lot of them are like obscure. You don’t even really hear about them because they’re so… Water polo or lacrosse or something like that. It’s just not as big of a mainstream thing. But there could be somebody who would be the best lacrosse player ever, but because it’s not a mainstream sport and they never had a chance to try it, we’ll never know that. They’re never going to reach their full potential. And that kind of stuff. If I think too much about that, it’ll drive me crazy because I feel like, that’s kind of what I mean when I talk about it’s a rare thing for somebody to reach their full potential. Because it’s a rare thing for somebody to get exposed to the right thing at the right time and actually latch onto that. Oh, well, that’s what we give living in an imperfect world, I guess.

Jaren: Yeah, man. A hundred percent.

Seth: Okay. So the next question. What are you most proud of?

Jaren: My son. A hundred percent. For people who might not know, we had a stillbirth for our first-born daughter. She was born at 36 weeks and she is fully developed and it’s really tragic and it was really hard for us to get pregnant after that. We had a real hard time with infertility and a crazy journey. But, my wife, man, it’s one of the most inspirational things I’ve ever been a part of. I saw her fight for my son’s life and fight and fight and fight and fight every month, negative pregnancy tests, crying and tears and pain. I saw her just straight up come to this point where she’s like, “I’m never going to stop trying. I’m going to go to this thing”. And a year and three days to the day that we lost our daughter, our son was born. And he just turned one year old and hands down, dude, the way we responded with our faith and losing our daughter and that whole journey, man, like, that’s a hundred percent without question the thing I’m most proud of.

Seth: Yeah. Yeah, man, that’s something worth being proud of. I can’t really imagine the worst thing for somebody to have to go through, honestly, then what you did.

Jaren: It was intense.

Seth: I don’t even want to know what that’s like. That’s just the thought of it is overwhelming, let alone having to go through that and then deal with it for months and months afterward. It’s a very hard thing. I commend you guys for getting through it and figuring out, finding your way after that.

Jaren: And my wife is the champ man. I can only take partial credit because it’s a whole lot easier to fight when you have a comrade or a partner who’s in the fight with you.

Seth: Yeah. Do you think the birth of your son was a good healing agent for all of that?

Jaren: A hundred percent. You know how you are named after a child in the Bible who is a replacement for someone who died? I almost wanted to name my son Seth actually.

Seth: Oh, cool.

Jaren: It was very much like what the devil stole God restored tenfold. Kind of a thing. I just look at him and I’m just in awe and wonder.

Seth: That’s an appropriate sense of on wonder for sure. I get the same thing. It’s a great part of the human experience I think for anybody who gets to go through that.

Jaren: I think it’s the closest thing we get to experiencing unconditional love as humans.

Seth: I think so, except when they throw their food all over the floor, that’s when the love it goes by the wayside.

Jaren: Even then man, it’s like, “Ah, you stinker”. I know other people are broken and maybe, I know there are parents that have really failed expectations and stuff like that, as expectations of their kids and they haven’t been there and stuff. But for me, it’s almost like my son can do no wrong. The thing I’m most worried about is that he’s going to grow up super spoiled because I just straight up tell him you’re perfect. No, no, no, no, no, no. You’re perfect.

Seth: Yeah. Actually, I heard that on a radio interview a while back. I don’t even know why I was listening to this. This was like years before I had kids, but they were interviewing this author who wrote a book about parenting. And she was saying that a lot of parents, they push their kids really, really hard to always excel, always do better. And as a result, the message always comes across like not good enough, not good enough, try harder, do better. Like the love isn’t there. It’s not that they don’t love their kids, they do, but the message is always just coming down on them. And she was saying it’s really important to at some occasion sit down and just tell your kid, “You know what? You are good enough”. Just get that message across. Even if it’s like, I know I come down on you, I yell at you, I want you to do better. Still, you’re good enough. You don’t need to be something else in order for me to love you. That’s there. And some kids never hear that and it’s kind of tragic.

Jaren: Yeah. There’s the stream of Christianity that I subscribe to, there’s this church called Bethel Church in Redding, California. And one of the pastors there wrote a book called “Loving Your Kids on Purpose”. And the whole premise of that book was really helpful. He says the most important thing that you can do as a parent is to maintain a heart to heart connection with your kids. There’s a lot of grace for making terrible mistakes as a parent, as long as your kid knows emphatically that you love them. And as long as you can sustain that, I think everything else kind of figures itself out.

Seth: Yeah. Alrighty. So, third and final question, what is the most important lesson you have ever learned?

Jaren: We touched on it earlier that we shouldn’t shy away from suffering. We should pursue suffering because when suffering is thrown on you and you’ve never experienced it before, that’s when it can break you. But if you volunteer to suffer every day and it’s like borrow from David Goggins, you commit to doing something that sucks every day, whether it’s working out or fasting on a regular basis or taking cold showers or doing something where you can fight against that part of you that cries constantly for comfort and for safety and the easy route and you can combat that thing. That is the biggest thing that will help you become unbreakable and unbeatable. That’s really the thesis of my life man, is that don’t shy away from suffering.

Seth: Do you think there’s ever a time where suffering serves no greater purpose? Like it’s just useless pain?

Jaren: Yeah. I think if you’re like tormented or rape happens or something tragic happens to you, but you can turn the suffering you don’t have control of into fuel if you know how to use it. And committing to a daily practice or a lifestyle practice of controlled suffering will help you prepare for that. Because there’s a lot of suffering and chaos and tragedy that happens to us in this world that especially here in America, we don’t really like. Like we don’t have a culture about mourning. When somebody dies, we don’t know how to process it. They take off the body and try to cover it up really quickly and move on and we don’t know how to deal with the tough, hard things in life emotionally. And I think that there’s tons of suffering that serves no purpose except the purpose that it’s there for you to overcome it.

Seth: So, it sounds like I feel like I’m hearing “yes” and “no”. There is suffering that serves no purpose, but you can turn it into fuel for something. Like, can you literally turn any suffering into good?

Jaren: I think so, yeah. But that’s not to say that sometimes you have to kind of find it in yourself to overcome it. And sometimes literally the only reason why suffering is there, it’s just so that you can beat it so that you can overcome and grow as a person. There’s a lot of evil in the world that just happens. And I’m not making a justification for evil at all. Evil is evil. Sometimes things happen that are just wrong, a hundred percent. But you can choose how to respond to that wrong. A passion project of me and my wife that is on the shelf right now is called “Live to inspire”. And the thesis, we want to write a book about it and stuff like that one day. And the whole thesis is that when faced with suffering in our tragedy, you have a choice to make. You can become a victim or you can become an inspiration. And those are really the only two choices you have. So, it is true that there’s random chaos of evil in the world, but how you respond to it determines whether it has a purpose or not.

Seth: Yeah.

Jaren: Heavy stuff, man. Why all my interviews always come out so heavy?

Seth: I don’t know, man. Maybe I’m asking the wrong questions or something.

Jaren: I should just be like, “What’s your greatest life purpose? – Work for Seth Williams and you’ll be happy”. I think part of it is this kind of heavy stuff like that’s just real life and a lot of people don’t like talking about it. It’s not comfortable. It’s not socially acceptable. And I’m not somebody who’s going to steer you away from that. If you want to talk about that stuff, I’m all here. I think it’s a sign of our healthy dialogue here. The fact that we can go there and that’s okay.

Jaren: Yeah, I guess I’m just ruined to fakery or trying to put a mask on. I value authenticity.

Seth: I feel like there’s a lot of fakery on most podcasts out there. So hopefully listener, you aren’t too depressed or anything like that from this conversation.

Jaren: No, you should be inspired, man. Like, go run a marathon.

Seth: Yeah, for sure. Alrighty, folks. Well, thanks for listening. I hope you guys enjoyed hearing more about Jaren’s story. If you guys haven’t already, in case you weren’t aware, you can text to join our email list in case you want to stay up to date on the latest podcast episodes and other happenings at retipster.com. You can join that by texting the word “FREE”. F-R-E-E to the number 33777. And that’s a wrap for today’s episode. Thanks again for joining us and we will talk to you guys next time.

Jaren: Thanks, guys.

The post 067: Let’s Get The Truth About Jaren Barnes appeared first on REtipster.

from Real Estate Tips https://retipster.com/067-jaren-barnes/

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scottmapess · 4 years

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WARNING: THE TRUTH ABOUT BITCOIN HALVING!!!

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

Now, I know many of you are not going to like the title to this video, but this video is absolutely essential, especially right now because we have so many new people entering this space. A big one. You have so many new people buying because we have so many people interested in Bitcoin, because what it has done since Black Thursday and not to mention we have the Bitcoin tapping. And from the time of this video. Three days. Twenty three minutes. Twelve seconds. Now, here’s the most important thing about the Bitcoin having you have to with unequivocally, you have to smash the like button. OK, that’s just necessary. Oros, the Hafidh will never happen. No, I’m just kidding. Just a joke. Just from Utku YouTube algorithm. Please smash the like button. Now, you know, this video isn’t going to make me popular. Popular is not what I’m aiming for. What I’m aiming for is and make sure I give people something to think about. OK. The Bitcoin laughing can go in one of two directions. There is going to literally take us to the moon and make millionaires upon millionaires upon millionaires, or it’s going to do absolutely nothing at all or risk a lot of people. I’ve been with Bitcoin long enough to see this very thing over and over. Where everyone says to you, oh, it’s last chance by Bitcoin, less than 10000. Last chance by Bitcoin, less than three thousand. I’m just it’s just it’s crazy. I’ve seen this over and over. And every time every time in history that I have seen the Bitcoin chart, look exactly how it looks right now. And seeing Bitcoin move like this and have this kind of volume, spontaneous volume, it always results in a crash, almost always in a crash. And if not a crash, a very substantial, prolonged correction, I guess you can say. Now, what is the Bitcoin having to summarize it in the simplest way possible. As of right now, the Block award is twelve point five coins per block. It’s going to decrease to six point to five coins per block. Blocks are solve roughly every 10 minutes a K, sometimes it’s a longer, sometimes it’s shorter. These rewards are what’s given to the miners for them supporting the network. So when it comes to warning you about the bitcoin halfling, there’s several things we’re gonna cover. The first thing I’d like to cover is hope. Number one, warning hope you hope youm is that one thing that the Bitcoin community is full of. Spend any time at all going through crypto Twitter and you will see so much hope, hoping it builds a lot of excitement and something else. I feel very important to point out is every time in history that we’ve have that we’ve ever had this kind of hope and excitement and all, we’re going to the moon. No, looking back now, guys, we’re gonna be rich. It didn’t end well. It just didn’t end well. So hoping hoping is that drug, that drink that I feel like the logical investors, the institutional investors make sure to feed down the pipeline of the retail investors. Right. Basically, it turns them into sheep and they line the sheep up for slaughter. That’s just my thoughts. Sort of first warning is the hope. I know it’s infectious. It always feels good to see a group of people support something and feel good about something and believe in something. Absolutely does. It’s just it’s a good feeling. But you got to be very careful because it can be very toxic, very quick. The second issue I have is blind buying because of the whole beom. This is not one and two ricard’s the same thing, but this is the blind buying. People will buy Bitcoin right now because their friends say, go buy Bitcoin. It’ll be too late if you don’t go buy Bitcoin. It’s never going to be this cheap again. You see this happen over and over. Desalt the last half, you saw it in twenty seventeen. All situations resulted in people buying something they didn’t understand and then panic selling. The good example right here, Eddie Alvarez. All right, Ben Asprin, if you don’t know who these guys are, they you’re obviously not UFC fans, OK? So, I mean, Ben, ASCAN is a UFC fighter. I think actually he’s retiring, by the way. But this guy is a supporter of Bitcoin. But check this out. He says, All right, Ben Asprin, I finally jumped in it and grabbed one bitcoin. I can’t sit in the sidelines any longer, you guy. I still have no clue what it’s all about, but I’m in. You might have to coach me. They they this whatever the hell he’s saying, there you see this happen over and over. People buy Bitcoin. They don’t understand what they’re getting into. They have no idea the dynamics. They buy bitcoin. Here’s the thing, though, when you buy Bitcoin like this, you’re buying it for the wrong reasons, you’re buying it because, oh, it’s gonna make me rich. Bitcoins be worth one hundred thousand dollars. Bitcoins to be worth two hundred fifty thousand dollars. Let’s ignore what the white paper says about it being the people’s currency, essentially. This is a borderless, decentralized currency that can be immune to market manipulation, that can be immune to institutional price manipulation, can be immune to the abuses of the financial systems that we have now. We buy by letting people buy blindly. We are not preserving those precious and very, very important fundamental philosophies of Bitcoin. Most people don’t truly understand that Bitcoin is a currency, not a store of value. And when we have people blind buying and buying and want to Hoddle, the concept of Hoddle is actually a concept that is damaging to the Bitcoin ecosystem. Cause when you Hoddle the currency, you don’t create a situation to where you need adoption, where you need more implementation, where you need more innovation to allow the currency to have a flow and blind buyers. Here’s the worst thing about blind buyers. Go back to the last half and go back to 2017. Go back to twenty eighteen, especially 2018. The people that bought from the last having ended up selling in 2018. So many people posting on it, so many people hating on it. Why do I do this? Why do I listen to such and such. Why. Why. Why. Why. The thing is when you buy this stuff and your whole whole reason is money, the new life, the actual pure flip philosophical purpose of Bitcoin. The moment things get bad, you’re going to sell. Now, also, consider that right now the world is in financial turmoil. The moment that anything happens, that the price of Bitcoin and things start to go south. These blind buyers and hopea buyers will sell out of pure necessity because a need to preserve their cash, because a lot of these people are unemployed. Some of these people’s businesses are not producing what they used to produce. A lot of variables that say these things are very, very dangerous. The next warning about the Bitcoin having has to do with the fact that we have entities that exist to day in the Bitcoin ecosystem that never existed in any of the previous halflings. And nobody I’m telling you right now, virtually no body takes into consideration these things. And when I say entities, I’m talking seemy. I’m talking back. I’m talking fidelity digital assets. I’m talking freakin the CBOE and many, many more. The thing about a lot of these entities, especially ACMD. All right. We’re going to talk about the CMU here in a second. Most of these focus on derivatives back. Try to physical’s physically settled futures platform did not do well. They did cash, did phenomenal paper did even better. People want to play derivatives, especially institutional investors. The thing that we see right now, I’ll ask, but I’ll tell you something else real fast. When we talk about institutions, so many people right now talking to all the institutions are buying the institutions, buying institutional investors when it comes to buying Bitcoin by two ways. And if you don’t believe me on this, become a member of Fidelity Digital Assets and an adviser will walk you through this. You buy derivatives and you buy OPEC. All of these institutional platforms provide Bitcoin to all these institutional clients so they can buy as much Bitcoin as they want without impacting the price. True story. Any one of you can become a client of Idalia digital assets and go through the pitch and hear it for yourselves. Not getting back to all these entities, these platforms were not designed to bet on bitcoin its future. What it will do for the world is decentralization and all the great, wonderful things that we love about Bitcoin. The purpose of it is to bet against the price of Bitcoin and given right now as world global financial crisis, something to think about. There’s nothing out there guaranteed right now, especially for these big funds to play with. There’s nothing guaranteed. The harping is the only guaranteed thing out there. They know retail money’s coming in. They know that that there’s phono and they know that, hey, based off the history of Bitcoin, people panic, buy people buy out a formal. This is a great spot to bet against. That is what they do. That’s where you look at corn. Look at gold. Look at oil. These products are not designed to bet on the actual commodities himself. But how can we bet against the price the next warning, Bitcoin’s price is heavily manipulated, heavily manipulated. And it has been picked up and pumped by an artificial means. And you can track this for yourselves. You just take a little bit of time, go to things like, well, alert. It shows you all the big transactions are having in various block chains. And one of my favorite is right here, Teather Tether. Dang. Another 100 million. So that means since April 30th. Since April 30th, Teather has pumped in there five hundred and sixty million. You was DTV into the eco system. Do you know what happens to most of this tether? I will tell you what happens. Roughly 80 percent of that tether has been transferred to Bine. It’s the Tethers is printing money. You know what’s funny about Teather? The price of Bitcoin gets picked up by U.S. DTV. USDOT is supposed to be U.S. dollar. Teather is supposed to be a one for one backing for every one teather they have they’re supposed be one U.S. dollar. But in fact, if you research at Teather openly tells you it is not a one for one pairing. OK, so that is that’s that’s kind of funny. The next funny thing is every Bitcoin will tell you the U.S. government and the Fed are absolutely awful and terrible at managing their economies because if printed three trillion dollars through this whole financial crisis, they call the money printing scheme just terrible. They call it undisciplined. And that’s why Bitcoin is going to take off and it’s going to be the best thing. But here is something else. Think about the price of Bitcoin. Well, Apple, this Bitcoin itself can never be printed. What you get is what you got. Right. Except for the derivatives. There’s a whole lot of derivatives, but there’s probably more derivative bitcoin than there is actual Bitcoin by this time, actually. I know that for certain, because the CMC applied to double that amount of derivatives this year and they they got it. So they actually have twice the amount Derrida’s this year than it did the previous year. But USDOT is printing, printing, printing, printing and pumps the price of Bitcoin. And what’s funny is we call out the U.S. government and the Fed for printing money, but none of them will call out the USDOT for printing the price of Bitcoin up because self interest is served in that whole scenario. That is something you should definitely think about. And if you’re wondering why BTC USDOT pairing on buying ads is so far ahead of everybody else right now. This is why Teather has printed, printed, printed and has inflated the price of Bitcoin and has inflated 24 volume. And it’s Schlitz making it appear as if there’s more demand right now for Bitcoin than there actually is. So the conclusion of this. OK, Bitcoin is that supply is going to get cut in half with this kind of demand. Theoretically, the Bitcoin price could go to the moon and never come back. But the thing about Bitcoin is it’s never, ever been too late. Just in 2018, everybody was screaming, oh, my God. Bitcoin is at three thousand dollars by Bitcoin because it will never, ever be three thousand dollars again. Then just this year on Black Thursday, Bitcoin hit three thousand dollars again. It’s never too late. With Bitcoin, Bitcoin in the halfling is an awesome thing. But Bitcoin is a currency. Bitcoin is not a store of value. If the more that Bitcoin is played the same way that Wall Street plays their game, the more that we’re just turning Bitcoin into dirty money and nobody that is small is going to win. They continuously lose year after year. See, me personally, I believe that what we saw over here, this right here, this price range, 5000 dollars is the actual price of Bitcoin, in my opinion. I believe that right now this is where the world is actually holding up Bitcoin and supporting it, that everything above 5000 dollars right now has been done through artificial means using USDOT, Heather. And they had to do that. So how long can this go on? How long? My friends, the world is in a crisis, and I just me personally don’t see how this is going to last or how this is even possible. I just want to put out my warnings for the Bitcoin having and things that can go wrong and things that need to be looked out for. All right, guys. So make sure you smash the subscribe button. Hit that like hit the bell notification. I wished every one of you the best of luck. Best of health. Please be safe out there. Things are getting crazy. Peace out.

source https://www.cryptosharks.net/warning-truth-about-bitcoin-halving/ source https://cryptosharks1.blogspot.com/2020/05/warning-truth-about-bitcoin-halving.html

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jeffrmayhugh · 4 years

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WARNING: THE TRUTH ABOUT BITCOIN HALVING!!!

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

source https://www.cryptosharks.net/warning-truth-about-bitcoin-halving/ source https://cryptosharks1.tumblr.com/post/617793001863905280

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heatherrdavis1 · 4 years

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WARNING: THE TRUTH ABOUT BITCOIN HALVING!!!

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Via https://www.cryptosharks.net/warning-truth-about-bitcoin-halving/

source https://cryptosharks.weebly.com/blog/warning-the-truth-about-bitcoin-halving

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cryptosharks1 · 4 years

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WARNING: THE TRUTH ABOUT BITCOIN HALVING!!!

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

source https://www.cryptosharks.net/warning-truth-about-bitcoin-halving/

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