#anxiety blob
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Here's to all of us, making it through all the festive wtf-ery.
-- Anxiety Blob.
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#ChristmasTime #TheHolidays. #TheHolidaySeason'
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what sort of twisted powerplay is this
#who's holding the remote? the devs? or YOU? 🫵#very likely You.#because the devs certainly did not knock on my door (inbox) and shove this image in my face#i only noticed upon repeated viewings (and after my blinding rage subsided) that yakublob doesn't have legs like the other blobs#makes sense. snake blob. legs melted into the floor from anxiety and stress. sounds about right.#but to then give the tail blob a mermaid lingerie version??#is this the mermaid yakumo we were robbed of#when i said i wanted him in beast form or slutty fish form or at least in a summery dress (as is appropriate for the island's climate)#and they gave him a... complicated bone tank top (acceptable. the sluttiest he's been in a while tbh)#but months later they barge into my home with THIS/#?! THE TRUE MERMAID YAKUMO IS IN THE ORB UNIVERSE?#WTF!!!! HIS SEASHELL BIKINI??????#a clam had to die for that. SOME SORT of mollusc died for that#or maybe the poor shelled creature was already dead#and yakumo scavenged bra cups off the ocean floor#in which case would it make more sense to have 2 mismatched shells because oftentimes when the predators get a munchin#the shells become detached from all the violence and get scattered by currents? or am i making that up#yakumo panicking in his new mermaid form and scrambling to find a reasonably matching pair of shells#like digging in the orphaned merch discount bin...........#because priority is covering up the Nops. i guess#brother. i am surprised he is simply not just an eel#why am i trying to make sense of the orb april fools trailer..... it's not that deep.......#because i'm just wondering what shells would possibly stay on yaku's flat chest#do i have to find the flimsiest babiest shells. the most calcium deficient there ever were (for maximum flexibility)#stick them on him. then wedge a vacuum hose in between to slorp all the air out#thus creating a suction strong enough to adhere shells to an ironing board???#OK SO WHEN DO I GET TO SEE FULL SIZE YAKUMERMAID?#THE SAME TIME I'LL GET TO SEE FULL SIZE MAGICAL GIRL BLADE AND GARU?#if this man wants to be mermaid tied that badly then [clatters and scrapes as i dig around for the ropes]
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Yuma Month: Day 24: Mirror
A mysterious and fateful first encounter…?
#Yuma Month 2024#rain code#master detective archives: rain code#yuma kokohead#pixeldoodles#my art#mysteriful~!!#yeah another quick and boring one#this prompt is…odd#figured his first meeting w shinigami would work#i wanted to make it more whumpy but wasn’t sure how#considering he faints afterwards and is out for 2 hours#but yeah I went with this for today's prompt#purple spoopy little blob#causes tiny anxiety filled man to have a heart attack & pass out#god I love how pathetic yuma is#chapter 0 is exactly why he made my whumpee hitlist#literally the embodiment of a shivering newborn animal
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so the de blob ds prototype main theme huh
#moom tunes#(????)#deblob#de blob#this music haunts me. it haunts me forever.#bad music#unsettling music#sinister music#perhaps even unhinged music#this is just awful. it's not good. it's the only track that's programmed to play in the dBDS prototype.#there's a whole ost in there!!!! but NO!!!! no we get TEENAGE ALIEN BOY ANXIETY MUSIC#FIRST TIME I HEARD THIS I THOUGHT IT WAS PLAYING WRONG SOMEHOW
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doodles
#digital art#my art#doodles#i like to draw me n my bf as blobs#social anxiety makes my words fall out of my text box#the puff
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if you can survive a phonecall with a stranger you shouldn't be allowed to have a bocchi pfp
#grem rambles#sorry im just baffled how extroverted some people are who ostensibly identify with the pink blob#and then they dont even have disabling social anxiety
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ah yes, the joys of long-windedness: doing my damnedest to edit down the samples i'm submitting for the zine application from skirting the 1500 word limit to something a little more reasonable, given I'm submitting three different ones
#i've never done this before#i'm figuring it out and the samples themselves are fine#and i know it says 'two OR more' and so two are fine#but i'm torn between three and so three it is#once they're pared down anyway#but yeah#i'm just an anxiety blob at the best of times#olrin rambles
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Unemployment Update
I love and hate November. There's Foodsgiving, my birthday, my kid's birthday. But then my kid also has multiple weeks of school closures/half days and I lose all sense of time management. I'm just glad today everything is relatively back to normal, for now.
Still looking for work. Here's the latest:
Number of jobs applied to: 26 (last year, I applied to over 100 before getting a hit, so I'm trying not to be too pessimistic just yet)
Number of explicit declines: 15 (the rest are all in the black hole of no follow up)
Number of interviews: 0 :( I had high hopes for one in particular, but I think I have to set that aside now.
NaNoWriMo status: I hit 20K and think I'm going to call it on my current story here. See aforementioned hecticness of the month making it harder than I expected to keep at this. But.. more stories brewing.
Focus for the week: Keeping an eye on my cat, who was recently diagnosed with cancer. A second tumor has appeared and he has wounds that are not healing quickly enough and keep opening. Lots of worries.
Current crafting projects: A cowl for my mom, a sweater for my husband
What I'm looking forward to: Quilting class with a friend she booked for my birthday. Super excited for this!
What else am I supposed to use this space for? Should I post my knitting and sewing projects? Should I document the reboot of my sourdough adventure (that'll be, what, the third time)?
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Man I miss drawing-- I officially decided a couple of months ago to go on an indefinite hiatus for art to focus on improving my overall health. Eating better, more exercise...etc. Like these last 2 years my health just hasn't been great because of my habits which has made everything harder. Including trying to improve my art-related anxiety. While I'm incredibly proud to have completed the mentorship program I did with Chira, it was also REALLY hard. Partially from anxiety, but a lot of it was also my health impacting my ability to focus.
And I know trying to do both learning how to cook and eat at home (instead of frequently eating out), making an effort to be more consistent with working out, AND trying to make better art habits will be too much for me. So I know getting to a better place with my health will help with everything else.
But man. I do miss it.
#I know#i know#I should do small lil things if I wanna draw#but tbh i dont like my quick sketches#my anxiety has made it to where my art is SLOW#so sketches are more like generic blobs and construction#so dont even really feel satisfied when i do them#and i know the only way to fix that#is consistent drawing and consistent sketching#so i'd rather properly walk away#and leave it to rest until i'm ready to return
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Cry baby- Vent comic (I am feeling better)

#the anxiety feelings are spiky tonight#vent#rectified after I took my meds late (I forgot to refill them)#still feeling the tail end of it#but I rarely make art when I'm in the thick of emotions#I need to be just outside of them y'know?#this is a regular Bad Day thought for the people in my life I care about#anyway this is my anxiety blob say hi#if anybody else can relate#I have ephemeral internet hugs#and the reassurance that it will pass and thoughts are just that
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You know what, enough time has passed and I've given media reviews/reccs in the past, so I'm gonna recommend Pixar's Win or Lose as seriously worth a watch.

I came into the show with zero expectations a few months ago and was pleasantly blown away by the writing, art direction, and character dramas.
Win or Lose is an original drama mini-series created by Pixar that follows a co-ed middle school softball team and the week leading up to a big championship game. Each episode picks one character, either a kid or an adult, and focuses on their perspective/storyline during that week. So in the first episode, we notice a lot of weird mysteries or threads in the background (Why is this character crying uncontrollably? Why are these two fighting?). As the show progresses, we get to see each character's sides of the story and how they interconnect with and affect each other. It's very, very well written and well crafted.
Each episode also tackles a pretty mature and at times distressing theme about growing up and parenting, similar to Inside Out. Here's a one sentence synopsis of each episode's general conflict and theme to give you an idea. Spoilers ahead:
Laurie, who's terrible at softball, desperately wants to impress her father, the team coach, but is dragged down by anxiety, visualized by a growing blob that whispers intrusive thoughts.
A geeky, middle-aged middle school teacher tries to get over a break-up with online dating.
Rochelle, who's the eldest "forced-to-grow-up-too-fast" daughter of a struggling, social media-obsessed single mother, must raise money on her own to pay for her team fee, falling into dangerous situations with older teens.
Following the perspective of the single mother during the events of episode three, we see her side of the story and the complicated ways she works to fend off judgmental parents and support her daughter.
An imaginative but lonely little brother of a softball player becomes friends with a group of teenage outcasts, for better and for worse.
A boy and a girl on the softball team begin dating, but undergo relationship troubles when the boy's insecurities about coolness, honesty, and masculinity cause him to lash out.
Kai, a Black, trans-coded girl on the team, must balance her self-confidence and love for softball while appeasing her sports-loving father, who pressures her to always be her best.
The culmination and climaxes of each episode's arcs and conflicts collide in the big championship game, with a main focus on the team coach/father from the first episode, who's ready to burst from the stress and tension of an impending divorce, his anxious daughter, the game, and mid-life feelings of worthlessness.
Each episode also features a creative way of externalizing and visualizing emotions, concepts, or mindsets like anxiety, e-dating, and pride. Rochelle transforms into a tall business woman with shoulder pads when she goes into money-making-mode. Gravity flips and disappears when she feels like she's losing control of her life. Some episodes even feature completely different animation styles. As a result, each storyline is presented through an unreliable and exaggerated perspective that prioritizes the protagonist and skews reality, often shown through the eyes of a child.
These screenshots really don't do the animation justice, you need to see it in motion to get the appeal. The dialogue is snappy and fun too, and the characters are immediately charismatic and likable. Here's a clip from the first episode.
The two biggest controversies this show had were 1. its art style and 2. the censorship.
The art style was ridiculed and criticized online for looking "grub-hub commercial-ish," which has been said about previous Pixar movies as well (Luca and Turning Red). The characters are extremely cartoony, with sometimes weirdly exaggerated proportions. And admittedly, some of the designs are not it (the noseless barista...). But I think a lot of people and artists will agree that even if the art direction looks strange to you, it grows on you quickly. Pixar knows how to animate and they know how to work with their own models. Plus, given the limitations and labor of a 7-episode show, it makes sense that things had to be simplified. With the gorgeous lighting, textures, and colors, the show's style really reminded me of stop-motion or Nintendo games. It's just fun.
Secondly is the report that Disney made Pixar censor and re-write Kai's episode, which was originally supposed to be an explicit exploration of her trans identity as a young girl and an athlete. The animatic of the original version of the episode was leaked online. The news and decision is extremely disappointing, worsens the final show, and really reveals how careless and conservative Disney is about representation. But if you watch the actual episode, you'll notice all the ways the crew tried to circumvent Disney and maintain Kai's trans identity through coding and nods to gender dysphoria/guilt/expression/affirmation/euphoria. (Her storyline made me cry too.)
I don't want to come across like I'm defending the censorship. An episode dedicated to a POC father-daughter relationship as they navigate Kai coming out as trans while playing sports on Disney+ would have been so powerful and important for family audiences. And they try to supplant the trans storyline with a clumsy softball vs. baseball edit. But I've seen talk about how this storyline was completely erased or how this show is straight up transphobic, and that's just not true. The crew did their best with a truly shitty situation.
If you like shows like Craig of the Creek or Bluey or Steven Universe, you'll probably like this one too.
#personal#ramblings#not art#long post#i don't normally yap about a show but idk. i feel like this one got a unfair and bad rap in the animation community but i really liked it
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#a rant i apologise#the gender dysphoria has been getting bad lately#i just feel so out of place and uncomfortable in my own skin#i gotta get out and just dress up in an outfit that makes me feel good again god#bc i swear the school uniform is not doing it for me!!#makes me look like a shapeless blob and like. so much bigger than i actually am#kinda hate it!!!#i think maybe if i got over my anxiety and just. dressed go please myself more i might feel better#but the last time i did that for an event at school i got bullied so!#what the hell am i gonna do right
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Happy Nestivus!
#time out#recharge#introverts#christmas#Festivus#Nestivus#Anxiety Blob#Nana Hoffman#Sweatpants and Coffee
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Weekly Unemployment Update
Employment:
Days unemployed: 14
Number of jobs applied for: 29
Number of rejections/applications over a week old: 19
Number of interviews: 0
Personal wins:
NaNoWriMo wordcount: 10,365 - I'm behind but I still made it to the 20% mark and am so proud of myself
I decluttered a chunk of stuff from the house!
I had a professional service review my resume and it certainly *looks* fancier. We'll see if it makes a difference. I'm still not sold on submitting cover letters for every job when it's not required...
I finished sewing a pair of quick pajama pants for my husband and they are perfect! I have fabric for two more pairs standing by.
Also, I picked up some fabric for two new dresses for my kiddo - one for her birthday party and one for the Christmas Fair we're going to net month
Also also, I picked up fabric for a new dress for me for the Christmas Fair. Assuming my corset still fits, which it probably doesn't...
Goals for next week:
Keep up with my NaNo word count, ideally try and catch up a bit more
Keep applying to 1 job a day
Oil my bike and pump the tires so I can go write outside of the house (didn't actually get to this last week)
Get ready for my kiddo's birthday party and my mom visiting us for the night
Finish hanging kiddo's art all over the house
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sorry if your requests aren’t open (this is my first time requesting so it will probably be bad) but if they are. Could you possibly write something about Bucky and John walker fighting over reader who is oblivious and them finding out she was dating Bob the whole time? If not that’s fine :)
୨୧ Jealousy ୨୧
pairing: Bob Reynolds ♡︎ Fem!Reader
warnings: ୭̥⋆*。 allusions to self harm/ sort of explicit self harm (not with a blade of any kind tho), jealous bob :/, walker being an ass man, bucky being a little shit, some angst and talk of depression and anxiety, bob has minor suicidal  thoughts, NOT EDITED
summary: ʚ bob doesn’t believe he’s good enough to love you, but you’ve never been happier ɞ
Words: 3.7k
A/N: sorry love this took so long to write but dw dw your request was perfect !! i decided to change it a little bc i don’t think bucky would be the type to fight over a taken person he’s very old school as far as that goes but i hope you love it :)
A bead of sweat dripped down the spine of your back, rolling swiftly down to the waistband of your workout leggings. Walker huffed in front of you, raised his eyebrows practically begging you to strike again. Your leg flies faster than your mind can allow. His hand catches your ankle, your breath hitches preparing for the impact.
With a solid thump you land back into the mat, Walker’s heaving form above you. his hands held your wrists down preventing you from moving. “You suck.” you quip as he sits up, resting on his knees, hands placed on his thighs.
You shimmy forward only to see Walker’s hand offering to help you up. Not wanting to provoke him any, you accept his hand. His super strength picks you up with ease. “You know you're actually getting better.” he says re-adjusting the green faded wraps on his knuckles,
You smirk as you unscrew your water bottle lid off, the cool air of the water freezing your face and mouth as you gulp the liquid down. “Thanks Walker.” you say raising your hand up. With the gesture the cap to your water bottle falls. “Oops.” you mutter, not even thinking twice about bending over to pick it up.
As you bent over John’s eye fell over your figure. Not in some pervy weirdo way, just one human being noticing another human. Bob, however, does not understand that. His fingers laced with each other as he picked the skin around his nails raw. He watches as Walker’s eyes flick away from your form, not missing the way his eyebrows raise.
Bob’s stomach felt like it sunk to his feet. It wasn't your fault your butt was nice to look at. Still, it killed him slowly that no one on the team knew. ‘It was better this way’ you'd always say. Bob knew it was true.
Knowing Val she’d turn it into a PR opportunity. It didn't stop the insecurities that he worked so hard to remove slowly creep their way slowly back into his mind. Thoughts came like cavities, rotting his soul away. Of course you’d catch the attention of a super soldier.
Bob stood in the doorway of the sparing room, a mournful expression. His head hung low as he decided it was best if he left you alone. “Wanna go again?” Bob heard Walker’s voice through the walls (curse sentry serum hearing) he felt a solid wave of nausea hit him.
What his enhanced hearing didn't pick up was your response. “Aaahh, no thanks buddy. I'm supposed to hang out with Bob here in a few.” you said screwing the cap on tightly. Walker just hummed. “Well I hope you and your boyfriend enjoy whatever it is.” the blonde man said, holding his hands up in a defensive position. Was it obvious you loved him?
Probably.
You just rolled your eyes, setting out of the room and off to find Bob. As you walked down the stairs to the main room, it was empty. No Bob here. As you turned to enter the hallway that led to a sector of personal spaces you saw a small white blob towards the end of the hall.
You cocked your head to the side as you approached the blob to reveal a rather large white cat. “Hello…” you whispered as the feline padded up to you meowing. You reach for the collar of the cat reading the name tag ‘Alpine’ flipping it over to see Bucky’s name and number- you'd have to talk to him later about that-
You stood up grabbing the fluffy pearl cat into your arms and peeked into Bob’s room- also empty. You frowned, pulling your phone out quickly, sending Bob a text that you loved him and to head to his room, when he was ready, so you could finally see him after such a long day. You give the cat a few more head scratches and attempt to place her down.
Alpine had other ideas because as soon as you sat her down she ran quickly up to you and stood on your training shoes to meow, yell, at you to pick her back up.
“She's a clingy one huh?” Bucky’s voice cuts through the shuffling of you picking up the cat again. You huff not even hearing the man walk up. His silent entrance most likely leftover from his winter soldier days…
The cat slowly blinks at the man meowing for him to give her all the pets and head scratches she wanted. He had a rare smile plastered on his face as he scratched under her chin. A quiet intimacy wrapped its loving arms around you both as you shared a quiet happiness in that hallway. Bucky couldn't help but let his eyes drift to you.
Your happy expression caused his eyes to rack over every feature. Taking in your delight. His tongue licked over his lips slightly. The cat had settled into your arms nicely, it was a domestic feeling Bucky hadn’t felt since before his best friend became a superhero.
A different kind of feeling was happening across the tower. Bob sat huddled into your blanket, tears streamed down his face. The image of John staring at you was making him sick.
“You will never be worthy of her.” the void’s voice cut through his mind. The constant reminder that no one on the team knew you were dating him. You were dating Bob. NOT Walker. The blanket was pulled over his head hiding him from the rest of the world. Your scent filled his nostrils as he tried to calm down.
Your shampoo, body wash, perfume- everything tangled his throat. Bob was never one to cry, usually let alone sob like he was now. After the worst of his outburst was done the sound of his phone chiming caused the sniffling man to poke his head out and check.
It might have been Val’s team updating him on mission stuff… not like he went. That was something you had pushed for, adding him to the group chat. To make him feel included.
You were always doing that… going above and beyond to comfort him. He felt around for his phone the blinding light burning his bleary eyes. It took a few seconds before he could read the text you sent.
It felt like Bob’s heart stopped. No beats, just a pause. Then as he re-read and kept re-reading your text.
‘Hey honey I'm done with training, I love you so much and miss your cute face… I'm going to shower in your room so come over when your ready ;)’
His tears illuminated by the phone screen light as he shot up like a well-watered plant. He rubbed his sweater sleeve hand over his face trying to dry and remaining tears. He sniffles hard as he tries to clean himself up.
Opening your door he borderline sprints to the elevator, going up to the floor that held HIS room. He couldn't contain how excited he was to see you. He walked past the living room, his legs working faster than his brain as he rounded the corner to the hallway that held several rooms including his own.
The sight before him stopped him dead before he made it into the hallway. You had a white cat cuddled up into your arms, Bucky was standing close, too close, to you. His vibranium arm petted the cat on its head.
Bob watched as you laughed, honest-to-goodness laughed. The crinkle of your mouth and eyes. If Bob felt nauseous with jealousy earlier this was way worse than anything that happened earlier.
You both didn't even see him, he was as always invisible. Bob pulled back out of view. He was too tired to cry anymore.
“You will never make her happy.” the voice cuts him like a whip. He takes a sharp breath. He needed to escape. Again he found his feet carrying himself, his brain unable to think about anything other than how much he wasn't worthy of you.
It felt like water filled his lungs, unable to breathe he found the fire exit that was located behind the movie theater no one ever used.
You and Bob had found it one night as you were… looking for a change of scenery, let's just say.
The fire escape led to a stairwell, and that led to the very top of the building too. Not much of a fire escape…
No one on the team had even used it in weeks. It was used mostly in the warm summer evenings but as the Fall fast approached it was left unused.
Not tonight however. His feet brought him to the rooftop faster than lightning. He felt shaky-wobbly. What was wrong with him? Why would you ever think he'd be enough for you?
He felt his stomach churn as he saw just how high up he was… a thought flickered across his mind…
If he… fell… would he die? Would the Sentry serum stop the inevitable?
Was it inevitable?
He took a sharp breath in. ‘It’s ok. You're ok.’ a new voice said. It was yours. It was the same voice that calmed his nervous system down almost instantly. He steps away from the ledge physically and metaphorically. He trotted back to the wall with the door leading into the tower.
He slid down it, his eyes tired. The sky had turned a beautiful pink-orange hue. The breeze chilled him even through his fuzzy sweater.
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“You know you should not be putting your number on this cat's collar.” You murmured, setting the cat down once and for all. The man looked down at his cat as she rubbed up against him. “No?” He asked, placing his hands on his hips. “No.” You confirmed trying to remove the copious amount of cat hair off of yourself.
“I’m sure Steve told you to not put your phone number out into the public…” you said softly bringing up his old friend. Bucky looked around, “This,” he gestured around. “Is not the public.”
You huffed, “No but if that cat-“
“Alpine.” He cuts you off.
You take a deep breath in. “If Alpine- gets out someone could have your personal number.” You inform him. Who knows what people could do with that. “That’s sort of the idea,” he counters, still not getting your point. You rub your temple slightly with your fingers. God you missed your boyfriend. “Whatever man.” You mumble hand landing on his door handle, you turn it almost making it into Bob’s room.
“Hey.” He says, causing you to turn back to him. “Thanks kid.” He says, you do nothing but give him an over enthusiastic smile holding your thumb up. He rolls his eyes before trodding after his cat. You close the door to your boyfriend's room. It was dark and messy and not very personable. There were a few little trinkets placed around his room, little reminders of his personality you suppose.
Sometimes you wish you could just tell the team. It had only been two months but it was getting exhausting to hide. Plus you were certain that everyone sorta knew already. You did make it pretty obvious how much you loved that man. It wasn’t your fault he was so nice to look at.
You open his drawer to his wardrobe and rummage around until you find a pair of pants and a shirt to steal. You walk into his bathroom, even less evidence of life there. A toothbrush and a few other necessities and that was all. You didn’t mind though, he spent most of his time in your room nowadays anyways.
You turned the hot water on letting it heat up as you stripped your old training gear off. You plunged under the water, cleaning yourself with his shampoo, body wash etc… It was so romantic and intimate. The whole room had a thick cloud of steam that wrapped around you like a blanket as you rinsed off and stepped out of the shower.
You dried and dressed yourself fully expecting to see Bob waiting on his bed. So when you stepped up your hair in a hair towel you dawned a look of confusion. You were starting to worry. Bob hadn't had a ‘bad’ day in a while but that doesn't mean they were gone…
You decided to check your phone, no texts from him. You chewed on the inside of your cheek as you assessed what to do. You sighed before opening another app on your phone. It was a location sharing one… not that you were some creepy obsessive girlfriend.
No, it was because you left for missions and Bob slept a bit safer at night knowing where you are or where your phone was. Bob would never admit it to you but sometimes he wouldn't sleep just stare at the phone watching you. Again not in a creepy stalker wta just… it calmed his heart to see you were safe.
The little icon of Bob showed he was still in the tower, that was good. You zoomed in to see his was up and to the right of you. In your heart you knew where he was. You turned your phone off and slipped it into your pocket. Pulling one of his jackets on you slipped quietly to the back entrance to the roof. Jogging up the stairs and out onto the roof.
You didn't see him anywhere but a small voice behind you made you turn around. “What are you doing out here?” he asked, staring up at you. Your head whipped around to see him huddled up against the wall sweater sleeves pulled over his hands.
“Honey…” you said crouching down to his level, plopping next to him in the walk. “I could ask you the same thing.” you whispered. He didn't meet your eyes. Embarrassment burned in his body. His silence was enough for you to understand what might have been going on. His mind became a war zone sometimes. You tried your best to pull him out of it.
“You wanna talk about it?” Your voice was quiet but strong. Bob finally looked at you, his puffy eyes and tear standing cheeks made your heart hurt. You didn't immediately reach out for him, just stared, letting him have control of the conversation. Because if there was something Bob hated more than himself it was pity.
He opened his mouth but the right words didn't come out, how was he supposed to explain to you what he was feeling?
You didn't say anything, just stared out at the beautiful sunset that stretched the whole sky. Your head slowly dropped to his shoulder. That made him feel even more guilty. “Have you been up here the whole time?” you asked, still just staring out at the sky. He took a shaky breath. “No.” he said his voice was coarse.
He cleared his throat a little then spoke more, this time more clear. “No… I was in your room earlier,” he admitted, and while he knew you'd never say this for some reason he waited for you to get mad. Call him a creepy perv for hiding in your room. Instead you chuckled at the parallel.
“I went to your room earlier when I missed you.” you said softly buzzing against his shoulder slightly. This made him turn around to face you. You lifted away from him slightly to see him properly. “You- you missed me?” he asked, his voice was barely above a whisper but it had the power of a roaring wave.
“Of course, I haven't seen you all day. And I didn't really get to see you yesterday because if these stupid new training Val is having me do- and don't get me started on Walker. I love the guy like a brother but Jesus is he dense.” you mutter wiping your hand with your hand.
He felt a little better with your words. “I missed you too,” he paused for a second looking out at the fading sunset. “I'm sorry your tranjgnd are hard. I wish I could help.” he said with a small smile. You waved him off. “Don't stress yourself out about it.” you quip. He smiles wider.
Your hands interlace with his but as your hands slide over his, you notice his torn fingertips and your face falls. You open your mouth to speak but he beats you to it. “I'm sorry.” his defenses started to come up. You shake your head holding his hands tighter, “Don't say you're sorry, just tell me what happened.” you said your gaze was sad but soft.
“I-” he stops himself trying to find the right words. “I saw you and Walker earlier- it's stupid but he- he looked at your…” his voice trailed off. He suddenly felt so embarrassed by what he was saying. You squeezed his hands encouraging him to continue. “He looked at your butt and it made me all jealous.” he said waiting for your reaction. You opened your mouth but he opened his faster. “And I know your going to say you'd never be with a guy like Walker but- it just reminded me how much I don't des-” he stops again squeezing his eyes shut.
“How much I FEEL like I don't deserve you. And-” he sighed looking into your beautiful eyes. You continued to stay quiet letting him rant his feelings. “And then I saw you with-with Bucky and I just.” He gestures with his hands before he sighs. “You just looked so happy. I don’t want to drag you down. You deserve to love someone… who's… not me.” He says finally. You sigh, it hurts you to think he isn't worthy of your love.
”We don’t always understand love. I don't understand why someone as incredible as you would ever love someone like me.” you said but he shook his head not believing you. “I'm not going to sit here and tell you how great you are and how much I love you, I'm going to sit here and tell you that you have not been given real love before. Real love is not conditional. My love will not stop when you're having a bad day, when I'm mad at you, my love for you doesn't stop.” you tell him holding his hands tightly.
“And while other people can stare at my ass, none of that matters because I am going to be staring right at your ass.” you said poking his chest, Bob let out a small giggle, “yeah? My flat ass is really doing it for ya?” he asks with a tired but real smile. “Oh definitely. And if it makes it better I was only talking to Bucky to yell at him about outing his phone number on his cat's collar-”
“Oh that's not smart.” Bob said, shaking his head slightly. “That's what I said!” you said smiling. The tension slowly rolled back into the cracks of silence. “The next time you feel like this I need you to tell me, even if we can't do anything about it at the moment I need to be there for you Bob.” god did your voice sound so good saying his name.
You bring his hands up to his view. “And this? Thus has to stop my love. I'm going to be here every step of the way ok? But you can’t hurt yourself baby.” your voice made tears prickle at his eyes. “I'm sorry I can't help it sometimes.” He whispers, he wanted to hide his hands away from yours. He doesn't, he just lets you hold him.
“Don't say sorry baby.” your voice was gentle, the breeze didn't feel so harsh anymore, and the sunsetting was beautiful. Life didn't feel so scary anymore. “Thank you honey,” his words made you beam. You were always going to be here for him. Always.
Eventually you pulled him through the door. His body caged you against the wall, his mouth exploring yours. His hands crept up your torso, he pulled his mouth away for a second. “Is this my shirt?” he asked his hand roaming your body. “Maybe.” you answer.
“It looks better on you,” he murmurs before kissing you again. His soft lips making your head feel fuzzy.
“Ahem.”
The noise makes you both whip your heads around. Buckh stood with his hands on his hips staring at you both with a content expression. ”knew it.” he quips walking away. Your hand flies to your mouth as Bob stares eyes wide. “Fuck.” he mutters running and anxious hand through his hair… This was bad! This is the exact thing you wanted to avoid.
Bob’s mind began to speed through every negative thought he could. You were only out there because of him… “It's fine. Who cares if Bucky knows? He won't say anything.” you say with a reassuring smile. “You sure?” he asks. You nod your head with a smile. “Positive.”
————
You yawned as you patted out to the kitchen as John made breakfast. Bob and the rest of the team were already munching away. Your body is still sore from last night's… activities. “Morning.” you chirped to your family, immediately heading to the coffee station. “Morning,” John said unusually giddy. You make your coffee and turn around to see everyone is staring at you. You furrow your brows taking a sip of your drink.
“So…” Yelena started poking her fork into her food, “how long?” she asked with a satisfied smirk. “Mm?” you asked confusedly, rubbing your thumbs along the cup. “You and Bob. How long?” Ava reiterates. You turn to look at Bucky who has a shit-eating grin. You flick your eyes to Bob whose cheeks are burning red and breath is starting to quicken in pure fear.
You take a moment before deciding what your play was, you could either deny it and keep the nosey lot on their toes or admit to it and ruin their fun. You take a long sip of your coffee allowing the caffeine to fuel your system.
“2 months.”
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