#anxiety keeping me awake is like

[florida3exclamationpoints]

I looooove when my adhd keeps me up all night

[cyndaquillt]

Didn't really know what I was expecting adulthood to be like but discovering new types of social anxieties wasn't in the list

[cuteniarose]

who's lien-hua??

Short answer: My absolute child and the only OC I have cried genuine, REAL tears over. And not tearing up or sniffling a little, full on SOBS. Kat still owes me emotional compensation for that one 😤😤

Long answer: She's one of @katkastrofa’s OCs that I now have partial custody of. P'Li's little sister, born in 136 AG, a sweet cinnamon roll too good for this world, too pure, no matter how damn overused that phrase is, it still fits her 🥺🥺🥺 When drawing her last year I accidentally made her look a lot like my friend's little sister so now I am always extra soft about her. But considering what happens, you can imagine the level of emotional devastation this is causing me and just how much this has affected my ability to look at Katya the same way ever again. Doesn't help that her older sister has an annoying tendency to wear her waist length hair in a brushed back braid...

Anyway, for reference, the baby girl, sweet girl herself, from about July 2023:

And now that you have been fully taken with this precious thing's cuteness, it is imperative I let you know that she is killed at age 7 by the warlord who tried to turn P'Li into a living weapon 😐

She's the living embodiment of a tragedy, a child born to be collateral damage, the one who could not be saved no matter what was done, the "it was always going to end this way" half of the tragedy dichotomy. A little girl unjustly killed as punishment for her sister not wanting to become a warlord's weapon, forever remaining as nothing more but a hazy memory of someone to protect. And I'm gonna stop now because I will start crying again, istg–

(There is a verse where she lives, though that is part of a much larger AU that can basically be summed up as "completely self indulgent mishmash of ideas, everybody lives/nobody dies, sunshine and rainbows and peace on earth, unless you're a world leader, then RIP", or as we like to call it, the Ultimate AU, because we never came up with a better name :P But getting into it would take too long and there really isn't too much to explain since it lacks a cohesive plot and is more a bunch of family shenanigans thrown together, so... moving on)

In Kat's fic Lost and Found the memory of Lien-Hua is the driving force behind all of P'Li's decisions, and she constantly blames herself for not having been able to save her (despite the fact she was a child herself, no older than 13), right up until the very end where she.. doesn't really get closure, per se, but is able to let Lien go, in the scene which I have affectionately dubbed "F.C. Yee owes Kat major royalties for this one, holy hell" #ifyouknowyouknow. But also Lien is a point of some interpersonal conflict since no one else can quite relate to P'Li in this case. Ming-Hua (while not present in LaF) is an only child, Zaheer is the youngest of three and was never close with his sisters, and Ghazan... well, his sister is two separate cans of worms depending on whether you're talking about Haya or Zada. Some pretty interesting stuff overall, really scratches my soft spot for family related dealings in fics, and I can't believe I just realised that P'Li's the only non-youngest child in the RL foursome, huh. It's oddly fitting, in a way, at least in my opinion

Oh, and also, Midori is a reincarnation of Lien-Hua :)

[chromoluminary]

the anxiety medication I’m on is working but I would like it to Work More

[miodiodavinci]

sleep schedules will be so so fragile huh

[mando-abs]

Less than 24 hours in recovery and I’m having a huge newfound love for women who’ve had c-sections. Y’all are angel warriors. Like I can’t even imagine doing anything much less even thinking about tending to a child three days from now. Just know I am with y’all in spirit right now and giving you a kiss on the lips.

I don’t care when you’ve had the baby. I’m kissing you right now.

[steampoweredskeleton]

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Ignore

[hyperfixation-tangentopia]

My brain has decided everything is too loud and too bright to the degree that the only way I'm able to get myself comfortable is under my weighted blanket hiding with the light off in my light-resistant tent

(I actually sleep in a tent made for a bed, highly recommend if it's an option for nighttime anxiety and light sensitivity :3)

[tittyinfinity]

tell me how i took my night sleepy time medicine and i'm somehow more awake while yesterday i took an adderall and it made me so fucking sleepy

[starryfox0]

anyone else feeling generally ok and all just like on the edge of insanity?

[seventh-district]

screaming shaking crying trembling wailing sobbing throwing up punching the wall in anguish and agony and angst etc etc etc

[nerdie-faerie]

Feeling a lil vindictive, a lil nasty this morning

So context, my brother had a work do last night and before he left he told my mum he'd becoming back here and doing so alone. So tell me why he called me at 3am when I'm trying to sleep but travel anxiety and says he's bringing two mates back? I tell him he can't I'm leaving at 6 tomorrow he just goes yeah they'll just be passing through your room. No I've gotta get up in 3 hours you can't be keeping up, yeah it's fine. The fuck it is not

Anyway so my alarm goes off 3 hours later I've barely slept, my brain already woke me up several times prior but that doesn't mean I'm turning my alarms off immediately or getting ready quietly after the prick disturbed my sleep

[running-in-the-dark]

my (virtual) meeting with my thesis advisor is in... 7 hours. I'm sort of almost finished writing the exposé that I was supposed to write. sort of. I'll probably need another hour or two until I feel okay enough about it to actually get any sleep.

unfortunately my left arm is realllly starting to hurt and I can't lift it much anymore (thanks to the covid booster I got today). hopefully I'll get it done anyway. and hopefully the pain won't be so bad that I can't sleep.

[fruitysoupy]

sleeping outside on the balcony because my roommate is snoring so loud I can't sleep

[caffeinatedopossum]

I think it's very telling that anything that reduces my pain or anxiety at all makes me fall asleep pretty much immediately

[see-not-say]

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