#any type of food still makes me want to vomit lmao

[tenpintsofsundrop]

Dreaming Of You

Gar Logan x Fem!Mute!Powered!Reader

Part One: The Psychic and The Tiger

Summary:

You and Gar have been best friends for a long time. Nothing could disrupt the harmony of such a perfect friendship.

Nothing except maybe... your usually predictable powers going haywire and somehow showing you all of his heated daydreams about you. But he couldn't possibly have romantic feelings for you. He couldn't possibly want anything more than your close platonic friendship and the occasional steamy fantasy. Right?

Gar Logan x Fem!Mute!Powered!Reader. Best Friends to Lovers. Smut and (Slight) Angst. Set during Season 2.

Word Count: 13,100

Titans Masterlist | AO3 Link | Series Masterlist

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List of detailed warnings and author's notes below the cut.

Warnings: some emotional angst (on the basis of mutual angst but they’re both deep in denial), accidental invasion of someone’s privacy (by accidentally reading their mind), some light canon violence (practice sparring/practice fighting), the reader character is disabled - the reader character is 100% mute, the reader character suffered with tumors that were partially cured by Doctor Caulder’s serum, the reader character suffers from migraines and seizures due to remaining brain tumors, the reader character has the ability to read minds, the reader character uses ASL because she is mute, mentions of the reader character having insomnia/difficulty sleeping, mentions of Rachel having a one-sided crush on Gar, the reader is described to exercise a lot and be physically fit but I don’t allot that to a certain body type (I am not excluding her from being fat when I write this), in a lot of passages - the reader is implied to be fat actually, mentions of the reader masturbating, a wholesome family game night that doesn’t really belong in a smut fic lmao, somewhat graphic descriptions of vomit (from illness) (it only occurs in one short section of the fic), passing mentions of disordered eating - but not due to poor body image or mental illness more in the form of restrictions on ‘junk food’ and not eating properly at meal times, dream sequences involving sex - hair-pulling, groping, biting, making out, (implied) shower sex, dirty talk, praise kink, penis in vagina sex (unprotected), mind fucking (but not in the way that you think - sharing sex with someone while having a sexual connection). All of the smut/sex in this chapter is of the day dream variety, but it is still described in graphic/detailed ways. I believe that is everything. 

A/N: The first repost on this new blog! I am so excited about it. If you have any comments or questions about the fic, please let me know, and if you have read it before, I hope you enjoy this new version, and if you're reading it for the first time, I hope that it's a really excellent experience for you.

...

Mind reading is most definitely not what people think it is. 

It’s not at all how movies portray it to be. And it’s definitely not how you imagine it to be when you think about having the ability to access someone’s private thoughts. 

To this day, you still remembered when Gar showed you the British television show Misfits, and you couldn’t help but laugh at the way the character’s mind reading power was portrayed. 

To most of Hollywood, it’s as if a person’s thoughts were a simple string of words laid out in their head, a simple script being read in their voice. As if you can accidentally overhear someone thinking about a certain topic, like one overhears a conversation. 

In reality, it was vastly different for you. 

There was no easy way to explain it, to describe the way it felt to enter the complex vastness of the human mind, but you often tried to put it into words. For one, you were thankful that it took you concentration and intent to use your powers. You never accidentally overheard someone’s thoughts the way a person can hear voices or loud music, or a television in the next room. It kept you from a lot of awkward situations. And most importantly to you, it kept you from barreling into a person’s most private space - the sacred stronghold of their mind - unless it was deemed completely necessary. 

From what you had realized, it required you making eye contact with the person in order for you to enter someone’s mind. 

“Ah yes. The eyes are the window to the soul, after all.” Doctor Caulder had remarked when he had discovered this about your powers. 

Ironic. Thematic, actually, considering that his serum had cured you of a physical blindness. One caused by a brain tumor that any doctor was too afraid to operate on in order to remove. Doctor Caulder liked to credit himself and his serum with giving you the gift of ‘a greater sight’, one that allowed you to peer deep inside others. A gift that he said allowed you to help people. 

To you, though, more often than not, it just felt like invading people’s privacy. And that was something you definitely didn’t enjoy - whether it was ‘helping’ people or not. 

Something you had learned during the minimal amount of time you had used your powers: people can be divided into two types of thinkers. That you found out very quickly. 

The first type are people whose thoughts come in the form of rich, visual landscapes. People who show off their thoughts almost purely with visuals, imagining things that might happen, remembering things that already have in vivid detail. Those people are typically the easiest to navigate, in your experience - but their memories can be the most painful and vivid if you go too deep. 

The second type are people whose thoughts come more in the form of narration - a voice inside their head speaking about their intentions or the information pumping through their mind. 

Although, unlike what most people would think, that voice is not usually their own. 

Most times it is the voice of a mentor or parent, someone who guided and built their thoughts from childhood, someone whose voice sounds firm and thoughtful in their mind. Or sometimes it could even be the voice of a TV character or a radio host, because listening to that piece of media so often caused that voice to clone in their mind and become stuck there accidentally. 

Entering the mind of someone like this can be tricky - their thoughts are difficult to navigate, because they are hard to grasp and become tangible. 

Occasionally you come across someone with a more unique mental landscape, someone in emotional turmoil or someone who simply never had a linear train of thought to begin with. Entering the mind of someone like this is more like a thousand screaming voices and flashing lights, all at once. Incredibly difficult to decipher, a sensory overload to take in.  

But those are only surface level thoughts. Your powers gave you the ability to dive deep into the cave of someone’s mind, to explore the winding halls of their memories, their subconscious. To feel their emotions, to help them work through their traumas, their pain. If they allowed you to delve that deep. Only if they invited you in. 

More often than not, you simply preferred to stay the hell out of other people’s minds. To simply give them the privacy they were owed. 

Which is why when it happened - when your powers started slipping out of your control on that stupid fucking day - you hated it more than you could be proud of it. Even if the information you discovered cemented a dream into reality that you’d been having since the day you met Garfield Logan. 

It had been a Saturday morning like any other. 

Well, one as routine as to be expected when living the Titans lifestyle. 

Moving into the Tower was actually nice to attempt to put down roots considering what you had been through over the past year or so. When you originally uprooted your life in Covington, Ohio to follow Gar, you certainly hadn’t expected the wild path he would lead you on. A path that would lead to you getting kidnapped by a doomsday cult and tortured, being lured to a house in the middle of nowhere and mentally tortured some more. All in all leaving that house with absolutely no sense of direction in your life, mentally scarred and broken. 

But you never blamed Gar for getting you into trouble. In fact, you were glad to be there to support him through everything that had happened. 

Gar was your best friend, your person, and you would have followed him anywhere. 

So naturally when he moved into the newly reopened Titans Tower, so did you. Dick didn’t fully understand the extent of your abilities, because in order to show people, you had to violate their privacy, and it wasn’t always something you were keen on doing. He simply trusted Gar at his word that you were more than capable of becoming a Titan. 

That blind faith Dick had put in you, backed by Gar’s word, that heavily motivated you to train hard in all other areas to ensure that Dick knew Gar could be trusted. To pull through on that promise and show your worth. 

That’s why you were up so early that morning. You liked to get a head start on things. You liked to be up before everyone else to prove that you were working hard on your training, working hard on studying the things that Dick wanted you to know. 

At least, those were the excuses you had prepared if anyone asked. Or the things you told yourself to escape the reality of it - to say that you were using your time wisely these days. 

Truthfully, you were never very good with sleeping. 

Between your chronic headaches, pain that left intense aches down your neck and spine, and the awful nausea that it plagued you with, and the strange dreams that your powers seemed to be paired with, you didn’t often get much sleep. 

You were still figuring out how your incredibly strange dreams coincided with your ability to breach other people’s private thoughts. But you guessed that it was simply part of that whole ‘greater sight’ thing. Especially considering that those dreams seemed to depict the future in some way. 

You often found your sleep disrupted by these dreams - visions of death or violence or even strange faces you had never seen before. And more often than not, you decided to pursue more productive activities than tossing and turning in your sheets until your alarm rang. 

Strangely enough, one of the very first dreams you’d had after being injected with the serum had been a strange setting where you were garbed in a giant, poofy white wedding dress, getting married to a large green tiger who wore a black bowtie among his bright green fur. At the time, you had genuinely convinced yourself that it was just a strange fever dream caused by the serum. Up until you’d met Gar, and something in the pit of your stomach told you that he was the green tiger in question. 

But you had never told anyone about that dream, and probably never would.

It’s something that was very far from your mind as you enjoyed breakfast early that morning. 

Dick usually let everyone ‘sleep in’ on Saturdays - as much as Jason complained that sleeping until eight was not a luxury, he and the others usually still took advantage of it. But you were up long before sunrise on that day. 

You were sitting at the kitchen island, absentmindedly snacking on some dry cereal with your journal open in front of you. You were sketching a picture of something you had seen in one of your dreams. A girl with waves of silver hair and eyepatch that you didn’t recognize, but had a gut feeling was important somehow. You glanced up at the sound of footsteps coming into the room, and found yourself surprised but happy to see that it was Gar. 

He was clearly still half asleep, his eyes barely open. He wore plaid pajama pants and a green pullover hoodie, hair still adorably messy and uncombed. He looked so utterly soft and cuddly, something that made those undeniable butterflies stir in the pit of your stomach. 

When you looked over at the clock attached to the stove, it was barely five-thirty in the morning. The sun was just kissing the sky orange to your right, casting a warm orange glow across the entire room through the many tall windows. You were almost shocked that anything other than Dick’s fist hammering on Gar’s door had gotten him out of bed this early. 

“Morning.” He grunted at you as he tiredly stumbled toward the fridge. He opened it with haste and grabbed the carton of orange juice. 

Of course. He wanted a snack. 

He uncapped it and gulped it with enthusiasm, not bothering to get a glass or even close the refrigerator door. The sharp light of the halogen bulbs and the cool air pouring from the appliance almost hurt you, your overly sensitive eyes and skin picking up on the sensations more potently in the soft morning light of the room. 

Gar turned around, the carton still poised to his lips. He took large swigs that made his Adam’s apple bob in his throat, and he kicked the fridge door shut behind him as he finally put the carton down on the counter, exhaling a large, nasty burp. He looked at you with a sleepy smile, almost making you mad with how cute he could be after doing something like that. 

You were about to comment on the disgusting nature of his habits when something strange happened - something that had never happened to you before. 

You locked eyes with him, and with absolutely no intention or purpose on your part, you were struck with a flood of his thoughts. A vision, a vivid painting brought to life by his imagination. 

It was a distinct, full picture of the two of you. 

He had you pressed against the kitchen island, his hands commanding and warm on your hips, like they belonged there. His body was firm against yours, tightly pressed against you as if trying to spite the clothes you wore - and his lips were on yours in a demanding kiss. It was entirely passionate, downright hungry. He left gentle nips on your bottom lip as you ran your hands through his sleep mussed hair, your gentle tug on it forcing a moan from his throat, his tongue pressing into- 

A gentle gasp coiled in the back of your throat as you were shocked back to reality, finally able to force yourself out of his mind. 

You had no idea how the accidental violation had even occurred in the first place, but to stay there and indulge in it would only be continuing to do him a great injustice. When you dared to let your eyes flicker back to his face, he was staring at you with a strange look - his brow slightly furrowed, worry dancing across his mouth. Clearly he wanted to ask you what was wrong. You hadn’t greeted him or said ‘good morning’ in any sort of fashion yet, and now you were just sitting there, frozen on your stool, every inch of your body tight as ice at what you had just seen. 

“Did you want some?” He asked, picking up the orange juice carton and holding it out to you. 

It was adorably ignorant of him - to think the strange look that had struck your face was over some dispute about orange juice. That you were annoyed because he wasn’t sharing well enough. You simply shook your head in the negative and began gathering your things as quickly as possible, trapping your pencil between the pages of your notebook as you scrambled to get out of his sight. 

You needed time to think. 

You had no idea what the hell had just happened, but you sure wanted to avoid him until you could figure it out. Until you could get it under control. You raised your hand and signed something about showering to him. But your movements were quick and sloppy and you didn’t look at him for confirmation that he understood before you barreled out of the room. You were too eager to hide in your bedroom until you were absolutely forced to see him again. 

… 

It’s not like you hadn’t thought about it before. 

You had thought about it a lot, actually. 

But he had been far too good a friend for you to ever risk losing that friendship over your stupid lust - over some stupid schoolgirl crush that you were sure would go away. And the whole uprooting your life and having a demon from another dimension invade your mind and show you the darkest parts of yourself thing definitely made you put your crush for Gar on the back burner. 

It’s not like you were blind to how entirely perfect Gar was. He was handsome, he was cute - so entirely adorable in his boyish looks and his sweet smile. So cute and excitable, with the way he could be bashful, yet confident at the same time when spurting out random facts about video games or going on and on about seemingly any subject that excited him. And you quickly realized that he had more than boyish charms the first time you had seen him shirtless - accidentally caught him changing when living together at Caulder House - and you saw his gorgeous physique on display. 

You had been smitten with Gar since the very first moment you had met him, actually.

Back then your crush was something that should have been glaringly obvious to him. You could barely maintain eye contact with him within the first few days of knowing him, you were always so flustered around him. That, on top of the playful teasing of your housemates, wondering when the two of you were finally going to admit that unspoken thing you had going on. 

But when the two of you left Caulder House and set out to explore the world - it had remained unspoken. 

If Gar had known about your crush on him, it had never affected the way he treated you. Your friendship grew so strong so quickly, and you never wanted to lose that. You never wanted to lose him. So you settled for platonic couch cuddles and late night multiplayer and him letting you sleep in his bed whenever you got a bad migraine. 

And then Rachel came along. And you saw the way he looked at her, the way she looked at him. And even though you thought you had probably lost any chance of ever being with him the way you had dreamed of - you still packed your bag and squeezed into the back of Dick’s Porsche with him when he begged for you to come. 

Naturally, you were spinning at the revelation that apparently, he had thought of you the same way you thought of him. You almost wanted to convince yourself that it had been a mistake. That it had just been a fantasy you had cooked up inside your own mind. It’s not like you didn’t have many, many fantasies about Gar running around in there. 

But no. You knew distinctly what it felt like to use your powers. Being inside the private cave of someone else’s mind - even touching the surface of its depths is a unique experience. And doing it by mistake feels no different than doing it on purpose. 

You had no clue what had caused your powers to go off by mistake, but you definitely knew the feeling of using them. 

Those were most definitely Gar’s thoughts that had invaded your mind. Gar’s thoughts about kissing you, handling you with such intense passion. Your skin startled to crawl with a unique heat as you remembered the vision so vividly. You heaved a great sigh as you flung yourself backward onto your bed. You gazed over at the clock. It was almost time for training. You wouldn’t be able to hide from Gar for much longer. 

…  

You were just glad that training that day consisted of blindfolded sparring. 

Dick seemed very surprised when you volunteered to go first after he introduced the unorthodox exercise. But to you, it was a simple logic that had you eagerly chopping at the bit to get a piece of cloth covering your eyes. If you were blindfolded, there was no chance of you catching Gar’s eye. Or anyone’s for that matter. 

You had no idea if your powers were simply spinning out of control, or if it was an unintentional emotional reaction triggered by Gar’s presence. You weren’t quite sure which was worse. If it was a case of your powers going rogue, growing stronger somehow, then perhaps you’d have to start wearing a blindfold all the time. 

If it was specifically something with Gar, then… maybe that was worse. It probably signaled something deeper with you. Your feelings for him clawing at your unconscious, begging to be spilled to the open air. Which you really weren’t eager to let happen anytime soon. 

You were almost relieved when Dick paired you off with Jason, saying that your skill set ‘complimented’ his. He explained that he wanted the two of you to try the blindfolding exercise together while he quizzed Gar and Rachel on logic puzzles in the other room. At least Gar would be required to be away from you for a while, and you’d have a very slim chance of catching Jason’s eyes. You didn’t want to know what kind of things he was thinking, what secrets he had. Definitely not. 

As the two of you sparred, you were entirely unfocused, your thoughts swimming. 

Jason caught you off guard, and easily swept you off your feet completely as he struck you hard in the ankle with the wooden practice sword he was wielding. You grunted gently as you hit the floor, and rolled over on your back, defeated. You reluctantly removed the blindfold as you caught your breath, and saw him standing above you, offering you a hand to help you up. As you blinked against the sharp light meeting your eyes, you accidentally caught his gaze, making direct, certain eye contact with him.

Nothing out of the ordinary happened. You breathed a small sigh of relief. 

“You okay, Fancy Hands?” He asked, leaning down so his helping hand was closer to you. 

It was a nickname he had affectionately given you the first time he’d seen you use ASL when you had met - back at the safe house in Chicago. Back when Jason had used Dick’s tracker to find him and you all met the surprise second Robin for the first time. 

At the time, you had been surprised to find out that Jason actually knew quite a few signs because one of the kids he’d been in foster care with had been deaf. You had explained to him that your hearing was perfectly fine - your mutism was because of a surgery during your childhood that had removed a tumor from your throat and had left your vocal cords damaged. It was something that had occurred long before your life had become about powers, a green tiger, and one too many Robins to count. 

In the present, you were simply thankful that your powers didn’t seem to act up with him. 

In response to his question, you nodded, taking his hand. 

He helped you to your feet quickly, and you found your own practice sword where it had fallen. You then replaced your blindfold once again. Though it was slightly troubling to know that this sudden shift in your powers only seemed to be triggered by Gar - that knowledge did help you focus a bit more on the lesson. 

As you focused, you blocked two of Jason’s hits with your sword and landed a swift, sharp hit somewhere on him. 

“Ow!” He whined. “Take it easy, Fancy Hands, this is only supposed to be practice.” 

You giggled, smiling to yourself. 

… 

It had been a few days since then. 

And you had been strategically avoiding Gar. 

At least, avoiding him as much as you could without arousing major suspicion. It was a pretty large living space, and with only four other people in it, it was next to impossible to come up with excuses to avoid him entirely. He was your best friend, after all. If you just quit spending time with him entirely, that would cause him to ask way too many questions. And you definitely couldn’t give him the answers to any of those questions. 

You had made a hard agreement shortly after you had met him - you promised that you would never use your powers on him without his explicit permission unless it was some kind of emergency. A life or death situation. You both easily agree that his brain was his brain, and like every other person on the planet, it was his private sanctuary. He was entitled to that privacy. He deserved that much. Everyone did. That’s why you always tried to avoid using your powers at all costs. 

You didn’t want to explain to him that you had accidentally broken your promise - that you had seen some of his most private thoughts. On top of that, it was like a giant tease toward your feelings for him. Feelings you shouldn’t even have for your best friend. 

So in the meantime, while you were trying to figure out how to reign in your powers and stop from having another freak accident like the one in the kitchen, you stuck to what you considered ‘safe’ activities with Gar. Things the two of you could do together that would absolutely minimize eye contact between the two of you. 

Things like: studying Dick’s allotted mandatory reading material, where your eyes would be safely glued to the pages of a book. Playing video games with him, where your eyes would have to be on the screen. And you always made sure you sat next to him at the dinner table, where your eyes would be parallel to his, or stayed safely on your dinner plate. 

You had been doing just fine until another accident happened. 

Of course, it happened because of factors you hadn’t taken into account. 

You had been up late in the training room, something you did often. Because of your hesitance to use your powers, you liked to exercise often to be in peak physical condition in case fighting was ever necessary on your behalf. 

On top of that, you and Jason had somewhat of a silent rivalry going. You had kicked his ass quite a few times during training sessions, and though he would never say it, he liked how you kept him on his toes. So now you were always trying to quietly outdo the other. Something you were caught up in thinking about as you floated down the hallway toward the bathroom on light feet, your toiletry bag in hand, hoping Jason hadn’t beaten you to the shower. 

What you were not at all expecting, was to collide heavily with a half-naked, still wet from the shower Gar. With neither of you paying attention to where you were going, you smacked into each other at a fair speed, him waltzing out of the bathroom and straight into you. Your toiletry bag went flying, and with the zipper undone, your products scattered out across the floor. 

“Shit, oh my god, I’m sorry.” Gar quickly apologized, being the entirely sweet person that he was. 

You both leaned down in unison and began picking up the mess of bottles and other products. You forced yourself to keep your eyes steadily on the floor, not daring to look toward his face, no matter how much you missed his sweet smile and those big brown eyes looking back at you. You couldn’t risk it, not if you would make that unintentional invasion of his privacy once again. 

Gar’s chest twinged with sour notes as you avoided his gaze. Usually, you were always so pleased to be around him. He thought that he had done something wrong. Something grander that he had somehow failed to perceive. 

“I guess I better watch where I’m going, huh?” He chuckled, trying to make conversation with you. 

Truthfully, he just wanted a reaction out of you - he needed to see your smile like wilting plants needed rain. He worried that he wasn’t going to get it anytime soon. 

You kept your eyes glued to the floor, making it an exercise in self-discipline. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see his dripping wet leg and the edge of the fluffy, white towel he was wearing. You knew he was shirtless and it was far too tempting to look. 

When your hand went for the bottle of conditioner at the same time as his - you accidentally brushed over each other. You felt a unique heat creeping up your spine. Like magnets, like a plant growing toward the sun - like any natural reaction that self discipline can’t be stopped - your eyes flickered up and met with his. 

And once again, you became trapped in the depths of his dangerous gaze. 

You were sucked into his mind before you could stop it. In a millisecond, all of your senses became consumed by another vision of his imagining. 

You were surprised to find that it was a scene of you, alone. 

It was a way you had never viewed yourself before; getting the chance to see yourself through someone else’s eyes, even if it was only imaginary, was quite a strange sensation. 

The scene was an outside perspective of yourself showering, as if someone was staring at you through the clear glass door. You had to admit that it was positively erotic. The way the bubbles cascaded down your skin, the way your hands rubbed your flesh as you washed yourself. The dream you stopped the smooth lathering partway to grab and grope at your thighs and breasts, moaning lightly under your breath as you did so. 

You had never thought you could be so… dreamy. 

You didn’t remain alone in the shower for long, though. 

As if out of nowhere, Gar appeared behind you, his naked body almost eclipsed by yours, save for his delightful broad shoulders and his head as it poked out around yours. You had never seen a more appealing sight in your life. His gorgeous face with wet hair stuck to his forehead, the grin that came across his cheeks as he looked at you. His arms came to wrap around your waist as he gently brushed a loofa across your stomach. He began kissing along your shoulder, licking his tongue across your neck and boldly moaning at the taste of your skin-

You forcefully pulled yourself from the vision. As you rocketed back to reality, it was like having ice water thrown down your back. 

The surrounding warmth of the imaginary shower was gone, and you were once again in the cool night air of the hallway. You gazed across Gar’s face, taking in the wide-eyed, clueless expression he wore. He almost looked worried for you, wondering why you had spaced out like that. He had absolutely no idea of what you had just seen. 

You snatched the bottle of conditioner out from underneath his palm and shoved it into your bag. Miraculously, you stood up on shaking legs, turning around and going to escape back to your room. 

“Didn’t you wanna use the shower?” Gar called after you quietly. 

Right. Your shower. 

You whipped back around, nodding at him in passing - but you kept your eyes locked on the floor as you sped by him. You practically ran into the bathroom before he could make any comments about your strange behavior. 

You shut and locked the bathroom door behind you, sealing yourself in the smothering heat and steam that he had left behind. When you glanced over at the mirror and saw that he had been drawing funny faces in the condensation - something that was so terribly Gar it almost hurt - you felt even worse about violating his privacy. Even if it was an accident. 

You tried to let the guilt go as you scrubbed away at your body. You told yourself that it wasn’t your fault. 

Eventually, you found yourself only reminded of his steamy fantasy as the bubbles ran across your skin. You had never felt sexier, never felt more attractive in your entire life than you did in his eyes, in his imagining of you completely naked. 

The biggest reason that it boosted your confidence? His mental image of you was so strangely honest. 

In his dream, you weren’t cartoonish or overdone by his lust. Even though he had never seen you naked before, your breasts weren’t ballooned out or perkier than they should have been. There wasn’t a great amount of fat trimmed from your body, as if he desired you to be thinner than you were. It was so gratefully you - but it was a hot, sexy, fantastic version of you. A version that he apparently wanted to have shower sex with. 

The very thought had you pulling down the extendable shower head and holding it between your legs, getting off to the way Gar thought of you. It was perfect - until Jason’s banging on the bathroom door, complaining that you had been taking too long, interrupted you. 

… 

Gar’s hands were all over you. 

It left you absolutely breathless, giving you no room to escape the pleasure he was delivering. He had turned you into a quivering, moaning mess. His mouth was between your legs, on your neck, on your breasts. His perfect lips were hot on your own, trying to trap the indescribable sounds you were making for him. You were completely pliant to him, to his needs, a melted puddle of want under his ever giving hands. 

“God, you’re so fucking perfect.” He moaned into your ear, finally lining his cock up to your throbbing entrance, finally ready to give you what you needed most. “I can’t wait to watch you cum on my cock.” 

His dirty words only fueled the every growing desire that was mounting inside you. You keened out pathetically as he finally pushed inside you. His cock ignited you with a sharp electricity, filling you up so perfectly. 

You were shocked out of your strangely wonderful dream by a pounding on your bedroom door - Dick coming to wake you up for training. 

“Morning jog in twenty minutes.” He called out through your door, making you groan into your pillow. 

There wouldn’t even be enough time to relieve the hard painful throbbing between your legs before you had to get out of bed. 

As much as you loved the man who had so graciously taken you in and now acted as such an amazing mentor to you - you really hated Dick Grasyon sometimes. 

…  

Gar had been plaguing your dreams since you had discovered the kind of thoughts he had been having about you. Of course, he had been the subject of plenty of your daydreams - but this was so much stronger. He had invaded your subconscious and made a home for himself there. 

More intense than any fantasy you had ever cooked up yourself, every single time you closed your eyes - he was there. You could feel his lips on your skin, could feel his hands on you. It had become more difficult than usual to sleep, and when you did, you woke up with a light sheen of sweat covering you, your pussy soaked and throbbing, absolutely needy for him. 

You knew it would be wrong. It would absolutely be wrong if you acted on your feelings for Gar now, well-informed that he was attracted to you too. That he might want the same things as you. It was so undoubtedly wrong to take information you had discovered with your powers and use it for personal gain like this. 

But, on the other hand, you knew the only reason he was plaguing your mind so much - you had some hope that he felt the same way. That he returned your big, scary feelings. 

But that was the thing, wasn’t it? 

You couldn’t know for certain if he felt exactly the same way that you did. 

Yes, you had seen him imagining kissing you, imagining doing sexual things with you. You knew that he thought of you in an erotic way. But that only meant he wanted to fuck you. 

It certainly didn’t mean that he wanted to be seriously romantic with you or that he wanted a serious relationship. He also could have sexual fantasies about Jason swimming around in his head - ones that you hadn’t seen. 

Nothing about what you had seen said he was in love with you. So if you told him about your feelings for him unprompted, not only would you make yourself look like an idiot, but you would eventually have to tell him about the things you had accidentally seen. He would never forgive you for violating his privacy, and you would be heartbroken. 

Sometimes you really wished you could just be normal. 

… 

“Well, this is fucking stupid.” Jason griped, throwing himself down onto the couch with a heavy sigh. 

“Yeah, we all know that, Jason.” Rachel quickly agreed. “But if Dick comes back and doesn’t see us having Happy Bonding Board Game Fun Times, then he’ll make us run laps or balance plates on our heads again.” 

She proposed an easy argument in favor of shutting up and co-operating as she unpacked the many pieces of the board game that Dick had gotten you guys - Trivial Pursuit. Something ‘fun and educational’, he had explained. 

You laughed under your breath at Rachel’s comment. 

Dick wanted the four of you to spend more time ‘bonding as a team’. He had explained that one of the reasons the Old Titans worked so well together out in the field was because they did casual, friendly activities together as well as training together. He wanted this new team to be as strong as the old one. 

You thought maybe this sporadic encouragement of bonding had been brought on by how you had been acting. With your dreams growing more intense each night, you had been increasingly turning down Gar’s invitations to play video games together, or study together. You had even started making up excuses to take dinner into your room or skipping dinner altogether in favor of eating bowls of cereal when no one else was around. And you knew Dick had noticed. 

But you also knew that you weren’t the only one to blame. 

The whole ‘team bonding’ thing could have easily been prompted by Jason’s increased agitation with the living situation, his eagerness to leave you all behind and get back to Gotham. And the fact that Rachel, like you, now rarely came out of her room. 

This always left Gar in a strange situation where he was desperate for friendship but everyone pulled away from him, everyone wanted to isolate themselves but him. You felt increasingly guilty about it. You felt so bad for abandoning your best friend. But every time you looked at him, even without making that dangerous eye contact, heat began to rise in your face as flashes of his fantasies or your wicked dreams began popping into your mind. 

But now you were all being forced to spend time together. You couldn’t avoid it so easily. You knew there was no excuse you could cook up to get out of it. And like Rachel had said, you didn’t want yourself and the others to be plagued with some dumb punishment like running laps if you could just be playing a board game instead. 

All four of you were sitting around the small coffee table in the living room area of the open concept space, the fire pit sending warm waves over you as the dark sky went on boundlessly through the tall windows. The lamp above your heads and the city lights cast a warm glow over everything, creating a beautifully pleasant atmosphere that made it easy to ignore your problems. 

Dick was gone out on some ‘errands’, and made you all promise to play the game and spend some time together while he was gone. 

“I like board games.” Gar smiled, picking up one of the pieces and inspecting it. “Of course, I do prefer multiplayer online. But some old fashioned tabletop is good to throw in there every once and a while.” 

You smiled at Gar’s comment. He was so wonderfully nerdy. Undeniably one of the reasons you had developed feelings for him in the first place. 

You were seated beside him on the plush rug, crossed legged, your knee just barely brushing against his. It felt strangely normal to be like this, pretending like nothing odd had happened between you in the weeks past. You were enjoying the feeling, indulging in actually getting to hang out with your best friend without worrying about romantic feelings or any of the other bullshit. 

“Could you not be a total dork for like… five seconds?” Rachel quipped, raising an eyebrow at Gar. 

Gar threw the game piece at her, and it bounced off her chest before it disappeared somewhere on the floor, making her look for it. You laughed. 

“Ugh, this is so fucking stupid.” Jason groaned into a small throw pillow from the couch that he had pulled into his face. “I don’t want to play this dumb fucking game.” 

‘Are you afraid you’ll lose?’ You signed. 

Seeing as Rachel didn’t know that much ASL, and Jason wasn’t even looking at you, his face still covered by the pillow in his little tantrum, Gar interpreted for you. 

“Are you afraid you’re gonna lose?” He announced to the room in a tone ripe with sass. 

Rachel smiled at the challenge, looking over her shoulder to see how Jason would react. 

“What? No.” Jason snapped, sitting up and tossing the pillow behind him. “It’s just a stupid game. I’m sure there are far better things I could be spending my time doing.” 

‘Then play.’ You signed, making steady eye contact with Jason, challenging him. 

“Then why don’t you just play?” Gar spoke, adding a few more words. Not that you minded. You thought it was generous and sweet that he had rushed to learn ASL in the first few months of knowing you just so he could communicate better with you. It was one of the things that had made you fall for him so hard, so fast. 

Jason’s face was struck with the realization that you were the one challenging him, not Gar. His eyes flickered between the three of you,  and then he settled into a seat on the carpet beside Rachel. 

“Okay fine, how do you even play this stupid game?” He grumbled quietly, snatching the instructions from Rachel. 

‘Why don’t we make things interesting?’ You said, knowing you could aggravate Jason’s competitive side even more. 

And in the back of your mind, you were thinking about the fact that if you were too focused on winning the game, you wouldn’t be too focused on Gar. You wouldn’t be thinking about the fact that he had shifted closer to you, and his thigh was pressing more into yours, spreading a deadly heat across your skin under your clothes.

“What, like a bet?” Gar responded to your words rather than translating them to everyone else, and you rolled your eyes at him. 

‘Yes, a bet.’ You quickly clarified. 

“Are you challengin’ me, Fancy Hands?” Jason posed. “You wanna lose even more disastrously to The One and Only Robin?” He added on, his words dripping with that usual air of cockiness. 

‘Second Robin.’ You reminded him.

Jason knew enough sign language to know these symbols. Especially the one you had specifically taught him for the bird with the same name as his caped alias. So even though Gar failed to translate these words for fear of starting a genuine fight, Jason responded to your feisty words.  

“The One and Only Robin, now that Dickhead Grayson is retired.” He proudly corrected you. 

‘Whatever.’ You shrugged it off. ‘We’ll see if any Robin can win the board game he calls so stupid.’

“Yeah, yeah.” Jason chided. “What kind of bet did you have in mind?” 

‘Loser does all the dishes for two weeks.’ You explained. 

“Loser does all the dishes for two weeks.” Gar explained it to him. 

“Loser between the three of you.” Rachel corrected with a smirk. 

“Loser between the two of them. I’m just the messenger.” Gar quickly told her. 

“The winner gets the last Twinkie from my stash.” Jason added, upping the ante of the bet. 

Gar and Rachel’s eyes practically began glowing (especially considering what their powers made them capable of) at the mere mention of junk food. 

Dick had pretty much banned any food that was considered unhealthy. He said it wasn’t good for training. ‘Why put garbage in the tank? It doesn’t make the engine run properly’ he always nagged. 

The few times you and Rachel had been ‘caught’ coming back from a 7/11 with a bag full of goodies, he had made you read the labels out loud to ‘justify what you were putting inside your bodies’, and blah, blah, blah. So you liked eating sugar? Big deal. 

Eventually all his nagging just made you guys give up, or eat your doses of junk food outside the house (during the rare times he actually let you guys out). But of course, it just made Jason more determined to sneak things in. And of course, with his delinquent mindset, he had come up with a perfect system that involved wearing an overly large coat and keeping food in a false bottom drawer he had created in his room. He had started making you guys do him favors in exchange for snacks, but a lot of the time, it was worth it. 

“Ante up!” Rachel ordered. “Twinkie on the table!” She smacked her palm flat on the table, glaring Jason down until he rose from his seat to go retrieve the desired item. 

… 

You were enjoying game night far more than you thought you would. 

Everyone was, actually. Rousing laughter and chatter filled the room as you all took your turns, argued over the rules, and raced to see who would win. Your mind was distracted far from any sexual thoughts of Gar. You weren’t focused on the things you had accidentally seen when mistakenly crossing the threshold of his mind, or the heated dreams it had caused you to have. For the first time in weeks, a great worry had been lifted from your shoulders. 

Which was probably why it happened. You were probably a fool to think you were safe - to think this new power you had discovered couldn’t act up just because you were sitting around with your friends, innocently playing a board game. 

Gar turned to you, picking up one of the trivia cards to ask you your question as your turn came around. 

“Alright, science.” He announced. “How many bones are in the human body? Is it A: 206, B: 104, C: 198, or D: 236?” 

When he had finished reading it, his eyes flickered up from the card in his hand and met with yours. You were damned by fate as you were once again drawn into the depths of a hot, wicked fantasy of his creation. 

It was another third-person perspective of him and yourself, a portrait of perfect intimacy. 

In the wicked fantasy, he had you pinned against a wall, both of you completely naked - his sweet, bare flesh pinning your heated body against the surface. His breath mingled with yours as pressed kisses into your mouth, clearly torn between claiming your lips over and over again or the simple act of breathing. He wasn’t sure which was more precious - the taste of your mouth under his or the bits of air he needed to survive. 

He had one of your legs hitched up around his hip, your knee up around his back, giving the perfect view as he shoved his cock inside of you. He was so large - hot and heavy, splitting you open with his monster cock without hesitation as your needy cunt dripped around him. He let out a grunt as the wet slide of your pussy enveloped him, loving the most tender touch of your warmth on his aching cock. 

The fat around your hip bloomed through his fingers as he held you steady, hammering his hips against yours. It created a wet smacking sound that sent electricity shooting through you, the fantasy so palpable that you could almost feel the thickness of his cock tearing you open - you could almost feel the heft of those mighty nine inches dragging against your deadly hot inner walls. 

You admired the glisten of sweat on his rippling back muscles, the hot grunts that poured from his swollen lips. You loved the sight of your nails digging into his skin as you gripped his shoulders, desperate to hold on. 

“You’re so good for me.” He murmured against your panting lips, his voice deep, absolutely thick with sex. “I love this pussy so fucking much.” 

“Y/N?” 

This time it took Gar’s voice echoing in your ears in the real world to pull you out of the vivid daydream. 

“You okay?” The pure sweetness of his tone, the quiet caring had you quaking almost as much as the heft of his daydream cock. 

Your pussy throbbed hard between your thighs and your face was burning hot. You could feel the beginnings of sweat glistening on your forehead, and you hoped that your physical reaction to what you had seen wasn’t too obvious in the dull lighting of the room. Perhaps you could blame it on sitting too close to the fireplace. 

You dared to let your eyes have a once-over of Gar’s face, hoping not to be pulled back into the stupor once again. He was looking at you with that familiar wide-eyed, positively clueless expression. He was sitting there thinking about fucking you up against a wall and he had absolutely no clue that you knew. 

“Don’t think too hard about it,” Rachel scoffed. “It’s a pretty softball question.” 

Fuck, right. You were supposed to be playing trivia. 

You had genuinely no idea what the question had been, and wouldn’t dare ask Gar to repeat it for fear of giving yourself away, so you simply picked an answer out of the blue. 

‘C.’ You gestured the sign for the single letter, hoping it was correct if it was supposed to be such a ‘softball’ of a question. 

“Wrong.” Gar sighed, placing the card in the used pile. 

“I thought it was 207?” Jason wondered out loud, sounding genuinely confused. “Oh wait, that’s the joke answer.” 

“Ew.” Rachel cringed. “Don’t be gross.” 

“Hey,” Gar placed a gentle hand on your forearm where it was resting on the table, capturing your attention. “Are you okay? You really zoned out for a minute there.” 

Oh god. He was being so sweet and caring. You almost hated it, because you knew you couldn’t tell him what you had truly seen. You couldn’t explain what was truly wrong with you. 

‘I’m fine.’ You assured him, pulling your hand naturally out of his warm grasp to communicate. You hoped he wouldn’t notice that you were pulling away from him to avoid the heat of his touch and refusing to look at his face. 

“I’m sure she’s fine, Gar.” Rachel smiled. 

You nodded. 

“Some people’s brains just get fried when they’re asked to be smart on the spot.” She added on - this being sass that was clearly directed at Jason. It made you laugh. 

It then moved on to someone else’s turn, and you were glad the focus had shifted away from you. 

…  

Just like everything you had touched lately, game night turned into a disaster. 

Jason realized he wasn’t going to win after he lost one too many pop culture questions. Ones based on movies and shows that he hadn’t even seen. And he claimed it ‘wasn’t even fair’ because he was being questioned based on material that he had no knowledge of. 

When Gar and Rachel told him that was just how the game worked, he proceeded to pull the ‘I was poor growing up, of course I didn’t watch those movies cause I didn’t have a TV’ card. When that got him no sympathy, he flipped the table. A screaming match broke out between the three of them, and everyone stormed off to their separate corners, leaving you to clean up the pieces. Quite literally. 

You managed to find and pick up all the game pieces in the shaggy area rug, and you put them back inside the game box. You figured they might be useful in the future in case everyone made up and did want to play the game again sometime. One of the last things left on the carpet was the crushed Twinkie, which had been smashed by the weight of the coffee table when Jason flipped it over. 

It was still nicely inside its plastic packaging, but it had become a crumbled mixture of cake pieces and artificial frosting, rather than the golden log it once was. You shoved it in your pocket - it was definitely something Gar would still enjoy. Though your relationship with him was strange and strained lately, you would still give it to him. 

You put everything back in the living area exactly as it had been, not wanting to tip off Dick to what had happened. He already had enough reasons to be on Jason’s case, you didn’t want to give him one more. Even though Jason was a bit of a parasite, you thought it was basic decency to have his back. 

Just as you were finished tidying, Dick returned through the elevator, heaving several bags of groceries in both his arms. 

“How was game night?” He smiled at you as you came over to take a few of the bags from him. 

You smiled back, giving him an exaggerated thumbs up with your free hand. 

You knew he had picked up some basic signs in the time of knowing you, but he was nowhere near as fluent as Gar, or even Jason. So you stuck to simple ASL with him, or gave him exaggerated facial expressions. Or just wrote things down on paper or texted like you did with most other people. 

“Good.” His voice held an edge of relief to it. “The four of you should be spending more time together. It’s good for team morale.” 

You felt slightly guilty for lying to him, but you didn’t want to get the others in trouble for something that really wasn’t their fault. He couldn’t force you guys to enjoy spending time together if it wasn’t going to come naturally. 

You put away the groceries in relative silence. Once you had finished folding the reusable bags and putting them away, you were going to escape to your room when Dick caught your attention once again. 

“Um, one more thing.” He said, stopping you in your tracks, making you turn around to face him. You looked at him with curious eyes, and he continued speaking. “It’s probably none of my business, but… is there something going on between you and Gar? You guys used to be like… best friends, and now you hardly ever spend time with him.” 

You felt a dizziness overtake you - that hard drop of your blood pressure from feeling so caught. 

It was like the days when you had first met Gar, when your feelings for him were so bold and unrestrained. And anytime someone mentioned his name around you, you practically melted into a puddle. 

In response to Dick, you simply shrugged. You knew that you looked entirely guilty as your eyes darted around the room - to the counter, the floor, the dull embers in the fire pit - anywhere but at him. 

“Listen, I know this life can be pretty isolating. Especially when you have unique powers. Which is not something I know personally. But I have seen you struggle with it - with using your powers, holding back that unique ability you have when you should be using it and living up to your potential. And I’ve seen Gar help you through it in ways that no one else could.” 

Dick’s words, coming from such a steady and authoritative voice did shock you. You were surprised that he considered your powers to be a ‘unique potential’ - rather than the dangerous, privacy invasion tool that you always saw it as. You were even more surprised to hear that he had observed the ways Gar had helped you when you struggled with the decision to hold back or not, the moral confliction of it all. 

“It’s good to have someone like that. Someone you can rely on. Someone who knows what it’s like. You just… you shouldn’t push him away. You probably need him now more than ever.” 

His words were solid concrete in the otherwise quiet room, weighing down your already heavy heart. 

Even though he had no idea why you had been pushing Gar away, strangely… he was right. You finally looked up to find your mentor’s cold steel gaze staring you down. 

‘Thank you.’ You mouthed the words along with the sign, just in case he didn’t know what it meant. 

He nodded at you, silently releasing you from the conversation. You mindlessly put your hands into the pockets of your sweater as you walked away, and you felt the gentle crinkle of the Twinkie’s wrapper. You decided that you should go visit Gar before you went to bed. 

When you approached his bedroom door, you were surprised to see that it was open. You peered inside, peeking your head around the corner, and you found Gar sprawled out on his bed. His laptop was on his stomach as he stared at the white-blue glow with a bored expression on his face. He was likely studying. Trying this best to. 

You knocked on the open door to make your presence known. He jumped slightly as you broke his concentration, but he quickly recovered from being startled. He sat up fully and put his laptop to the side, the screen still open and casting a glow into the dimly lit room. You didn’t wait for an invitation to come in, and his gaze was drawn to you as you walked into the room, not bothering to shut the door behind you. 

“Y/N. Hey,” He smiled at you, pleasantly surprised that you had come to see him. “Fancy seeing you here.” 

A small twinge of guilt flared in your stomach. 

You felt bad for avoiding him for reasons that weren’t truly his fault. You felt bad for putting a strain on your friendship with him because you couldn’t control your stupid powers. You felt bad that you couldn’t just tell him the truth. 

And a huge part of you felt even worse that you couldn’t control your own lust simply because you knew that he felt somewhat lustful toward you. 

As your eyes glanced at his wide thighs spread out on the bed, even covered by his jeans, your pussy ached. You couldn’t stop thinking about the way those thighs had worked as he thrust his cock in and out of you when he had you pinned to the wall in that fantasy. You hated how your mind was so hyper-focused on something that wasn’t even real. Maybe it was just hotter and more wicked because you knew it was a fantasy of his creation. It drove you more insane because it was something he apparently wanted just as badly as you did. 

Even if you could never tell him you wanted it as badly as he did because of the way you had found out. 

‘I thought you might want this.’ You signed to him. 

Past the hazy fog of your lust clouded thoughts, you remembered why you had come to see Gar in the first place. You took the smashed, pathetic Twinkie out of your pocket and presented it to him with a small grin. 

“Oh thanks!” He was eager to take it from you, ripping open the packaging and taking a bite of the crumbling cake. 

“Yeah, definitely still good.” He assured you with his mouthful, giving you a cheeky smile and a thumbs up. 

You were happy that you had finally done something right. You gave him a small thumbs up in return and went to leave again. But he was quick, abandoning his snack on the bed and jumping up to interrupt your path before you could escape. 

“Y/N, wait. I was hoping we could talk.” He said quietly, his voice full of a strained hope. “I miss you.” 

Even as he pleaded for your attention, your eyes were stuck at your feet. Rather than daring to look up at him, you stared hard at the space where his green socked toes stood in front of yours. You had no clue what exactly was triggering these ‘episodes’ with your powers, but you knew it had something to do with him. You couldn’t risk it, not again. 

You loved how almost all of his clothes were green - a choice he often made because he said it was easier to match his hair the way it now naturally grew from his head. The color would forever remind you of him whenever it came up in life. He had taken everything green in your life and possessed it as his own so that it made you smile whenever you saw it. So that anything green would make you mourn for him long after he had left your life in one way or another. You hated it and loved it at the same time. 

“If I did something wrong, please just tell me. I wanna fix it.” His voice flexed under the weight of his pain. 

It was intensely difficult for you to listen to. 

It sliced through you like a knife. 

Your selfish acts, your uncontrollable, stupid powers and the way you ran from the consequences had somehow convinced him that he had done something wrong. 

Tears pricked your eyes. 

You racked your gaze carefully up his body, and your eyes landed on a piece of vanilla cake crumb that had gotten stuck to his chin from the Twinkie. Just the look of it, something that was so foolish and unserious and so Gar in this very serious moment made you crack a smile. Instinctually, you reached over and brushed it away with your thumb. 

He sighed out a half-breath that could be perceived as a laugh when he realized what you were smiling at. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously at the thought of his own clumsiness. 

‘You have done nothing wrong.’ You assured him, keeping your eyes locked on the wall behind his ear. ‘You never do anything wrong. You’re so good.’ 

“Then what is it?” He pressed. “Will you please just look at me?” 

He used a gentle hand on your chin to force your eyes towards his, and before you could stop it, you were caught up in it again. You were once again sucked into the complicated swell of his beautiful mind. 

But this time it was distinctly different. This time it wasn’t some heated fantasy, wasn’t some painted imagining. 

This was a memory of something that had already happened. It was most definitely a memory you knew well. Although this time it was like you were watching it from the outside - or rather, you were watching it from Gar’s perspective. 

It was a vision of you knelt on the bathroom floor, puking into a toilet. The sounds of your own sickness easily made you cringe. Gar didn’t flinch or feel any disgust though. 

You could feel his emotions like the grooves of a record, carved into the memory and being replayed. All he felt was a great wave of sadness for you. Instinctually, not really knowing what else to do, he reached out and placed a comforting hand on your back as your muscles lurched with another wave of gags, forced by your body’s ill-made systems. 

It was a specific night that you remembered well. 

You had only been in Doctor Caulder’s care for a few weeks at the time, but it had become evident that even though the serum had cured your blindness, your intense migraines and even the occasional seizures caused by your brain tumor still persisted. 

You had crawled to the bathroom with the intention of dealing with your ailments in privacy. But Gar’s room was right next to yours, and he had heard you groaning in pain, had heard you throwing up and gasping for breath because of the pure force of the vomit. 

So he did the only thing he could think to do. He got a glass of water for you to rinse your mouth when you were done, and then he simply sat with you, trying to bring you some comfort in your time of need. He felt hollow and useless as you heaved into the toilet, nothing left in your stomach to give up but bright green stomach bile, your body forcing every last bit of it out as the migraine raged on. 

When the heaving stopped, he pulled you into his lap. He was ready with a warm, damp cloth to put on your forehead, and a towel to wipe your mouth. You relaxed into his calming touch. He bloomed with pride at being able to hold you in his arms, being able to keep you safe, even if he couldn’t heal you from what ailed you. 

‘You can leave.’ You signed to him. 

At the time, he understood it well, even with just a few weeks of studying under his belt. 

A small wave of offense went through him. He didn’t want to leave you. Why would he leave you in such a weak state? He wanted to help you. That’s why he’d gotten out of bed in the first place. 

“I’m not gonna leave.” He told you. “I won’t leave you. Ever.” 

At the time you had been far too sick to really take in the weight of his words. But now, lingering in the memory, you could feel the determination sitting deep in his chest. The affection for you as it swelled inside him, the way he held you just a bit closer. 

You were shocked back to the cold concrete of reality when he gripped your arm in the present, pulling you out of the sweetness of the memory by force. He spoke something that was muffled and full in your ears as you struggled to pull yourself out of the thickness of his clouded mind. The expression on your face must have told him you hadn’t heard him, because he repeated himself. 

“Will you please just tell me what’s wrong?” He demanded, his voice sharp with worry. 

‘Nothing’s wrong.’ You lied, shaking yourself from his grip. ‘I have to go study.’ 

You ran from the room before he could confront you any further. 

Your mind was positively drowning with thoughts about Gar. Did he feel the same way about you? Had he felt the same way about you since the two of you had met? 

Your mind was so clouded that you slammed into your closed bedroom door before you could remember to actually turn the doorknob and open it. It left you cursing internally as you rubbed the sore spot blooming in the middle of your forehead. 

This crush was going to ruin you. 

… 

Unfortunately, you couldn’t easily avoid Gar forever. 

The next day, when Dick was giving out assignments, he paired up you and Gar for sparring practice right before he pulled aside Jason and Rachel for a quiz on the assigned reading material. You tried to wave him down, wanting to protest about having Gar as a partner - but of course, he didn’t read ASL. And he didn’t give you any room to protest as he spouted off about what kind of drills the two of you should be practicing and told you that he would come by in two hours to ‘check-in’ on your progress. 

You wanted to scream. Sometimes, not having a voice truly, utterly sucked. 

You thought perhaps it was Dick’s way of forcing you to make good on the advice he had given you the night before - forcing you to spend time with Gar so that you would stop pushing him away. But it was so damn inconvenient when you still didn’t know what was causing your powers to act up. 

As you walked to the training room, you told yourself again and again that you could bear two hours alone with Gar. Especially because one of the drills that Dick wanted you to practice was blindfolded sparring. That was an easy way not to have your powers flare-up against your will. You told yourself that you needed to get back to normal. You couldn’t have Gar thinking that you hated him - thinking that he was the reason for your strange behavior when he was truly the best, kindest person in your life. 

Well, technically he was the reason for your strange behavior. But not at all in the way he blamed himself for. And you wouldn’t have him thinking that he had fucked up your friendship somehow or pissed you off unintentionally for some reason he couldn’t even name. 

You and Gar exchanged a few words - you agreed that you would wear the blindfold and try to defend against his attacks, and he joked that he would ‘go easy’ on you. It felt delightfully normal between the two of you for a few minutes. 

He gave you one of his perfectly dorky smiles and you felt butterflies in your stomach. Beyond his wildly attractive body, beyond that sexual heat - you remembered why you had fallen for him in the first place. Those boyish charms, that gentle nature that made him so irresistible as a friend and so easy to yearn for as a lover. 

When you put the blindfold on, it felt like a comforting shield against his wild daydreams, trying to buck free from his mind. You both picked up the wooden swords, and when he asked if you were ready, you nodded. 

Unfortunately, you were not exactly on your game. 

Usually, you were quite a skilled fighter. You could keep up with the likes of Jason Todd, who trained night and day just to prove how skilled he was. Your powers gave you slightly honed senses, giving you the ability to hear more acutely, giving you the advantage in a situation like this. 

But that was part of the problem. You were picking up on Gar’s breathing, the heavy panting coming from his lips as he swung the practice sword and started to work up a sweat. Your concentration was clouded by the small grunts he made as he worked his muscles, and the careful, skilled movement of his footfalls as he charged at you. 

He easily landed a few blows - gentle, purposefully light swats - on your arms and torso, and he distinctly noticed you not making any real effort to dodge or fight back. Your mind was too busy churning with the mental image of him sweaty from the effort, imagining those same grunts as he fucked you. 

This crush was going to ruin you. 

Gar stopped his movements, and you relaxed your body, pausing any half-efforts you were making to fight him off. 

“Are you okay?” He asked. “Do you have a migraine or something? Do you need to go lay down?” 

Of course. He was concerned for your well-being. It was something that only made him sweeter, and only made you twinge with guilt at what had been going through your mind. 

‘Fine.’ You responded, performing the sign with one hand, still clutching the practice sword with the other. ‘Keep going.’ 

You heard Gar sigh - clearly somewhat hesitant. 

But then he swung his sword down again, and when you heard it whipping through the air, you made a distinct effort to block it this time. You raised yours up, blocking the blow. He let out a quiet chuckle, pleased now that you were better focused this time around. 

You really tried harder. 

You found yourself blocking his blows, using your own swift footwork, and even then - your unconscious distraction was apparent. 

Usually you were better with your tactile awareness, but as the edge of the mats came under your foot, you didn’t notice. And Gar, ever concerned for your safety, used his non-sword hand to reach out and grab your arm. He quickly yanked you back from the edge in case you tripped and fell. He wouldn’t want you to hit your head on the concrete floor, even if it wouldn’t be a terribly grievous injury. 

But he was pumping with energy from the mock fight, and when he pulled you in, he used far more force than he had intended to. It wasn’t a simple correction of your footing like he intended. He accidentally sent your distracted legs tripping over each other and sent you barreling right into him. With the momentum, you knocked him completely off his legs. You ended up falling right on top of Gar as he landed splayed out on the mats, on his back. 

Gar broke into a gentle laughter, finding the entire thing to be quite amusing. 

His hands naturally found your hips and warmth spread out from there, something that quickly overwhelmed your senses. You dropped your practice sword with a numb hand as you became entirely heated by the feeling of his rock hard body beneath yours. Upon instinct, you reached up, and pulled the blindfold up to rest on your forehead - which turned out to be a terrible mistake. 

In that moment, you came face to face with Gar’s stunning, big brown eyes and you were once again sucked into one of his heated fantasies against your will. 

Unlike the others, this wasn’t a picture you were viewing. It wasn’t something in his mind that you were only seeing from the third perspective. 

No - you were in this. 

Somehow, he had drawn you so deeply into his fantasy this time that you were in it, participating in it, truly feeling it. 

In the daydream, you were sitting on top of him, easily paralleling your current reality.

But in this dreamy version, he was completely naked, and you felt the delightfully throbbing hum of his cock deep inside of you. Because it was just a dream, it wasn’t nearly as distinct as the real thing would have been. But the feeling quickly spread heat through your entire body. Especially when paired with the visuals his imagination had conjured up for you. 

The feeling of his hands on your hips in the real world easily turned into a searing burn that you were sure you could feel on your bare skin. You looked down at him below you, as though you were really straddling his naked body, proudly riding his impressively large cock. His taut muscles rippled under sweaty skin - his abs flexing with the effort, his biceps bulging as he held onto you. 

All of it so enticingly topped off by the sight of his face, his forehead glistening with sweat, stray green hairs stuck to it. The expression he held was almost beautifully pathetic as he struggled with such overwhelming pleasure - his lip snagged between his teeth, his brow heavily creased. Quiet, desperate whimpers escaping from his throat as he guided you to grind on his thickness. 

You let out a sharp moan of your own, desperately aching for breath, and that chugging in your throat was the thing that sucked out of the deep fog of this fantasy. 

When you looked into Gar’s eyes once more, you saw the look of dawning on his face. It was mingled with confusion, but you knew that this time, he had felt it too. He had felt you on a deeper level, and he knew, even if he couldn’t nearly explain it - the two of you had shared that experience on a deeper level. 

And what’s more - out here in the real world, not in some sense of fantasy, you could feel his hardness throbbing against your leg. And it felt just as large and impressive as it was in all those dreams. You knew that your cunt was likely boiling hot against him, giving you away. And though the temptation to lean down and ensnare his mouth was so intense, the temptation to beg him to fuck you right then and there - something inside of you kept chanting:

‘Don’t ruin your friendship. He’s your best friend. Don’t fuck it up.’ 

And somehow, miraculously, fighting against all of your overpowering lust - you listened to that voice. You rushed to get off of him, scrambling off the floor to a standing position on shaking legs. You tried your best to ignore the entirely painful throbbing between your legs as your pussy screamed out for him, for his touch. 

Naturally, Gar thought that he had freaked you out. He thought that the reason you had jumped away from him so fast was because he had a raging hard-on and you were intensely disgusted by it. In his mind, he couldn’t easily see it being the exact opposite reason. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” He rushed to apologize. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. My body - my body just - reacted-” 

Gar also rose to his feet, awkwardly tugging at the crotch of his loose workout pants to try and disguise it. You made the mistake of glancing at the tent and visually confirmed that it was just as large as he made it out to be in all of his fantasies (and yours). 

‘It’s fine.’ You sighed to him. 

You were once again making steady eye contact with the floor - trying not to get drawn back into his mind. But it only made Gar feel more awkward, more like he had wronged you. 

Gar’s throat immediately numbed when you turned and left to charge out of the room. You were intensely surprised when you felt his hand on your arm once more - that firm, commanding touch pulling you back once again. 

Wrestling with the embarrassment inside of him was a storm of anger. 

The fact that even now, you were so unwilling to talk to him about any of the problems in your friendship. You just kept brushing him off. It caused a very uncharacteristic flare of annoyed rage inside of him that he just couldn’t swallow down. So with the hand that he wasn’t using to hide his boner, he kept that grip on your arm. He forced you to stay, forcing you to turn back and face him. 

Him asserting himself like that, the show of force over you - oddly enough, it only added to the arousal boiling inside of you. A small whimper escaped from your lips, and you resisted the urge to smack a hand over your mouth in some attempt to hide it. You knew that Gar had definitely heard it when his face shifted from that tense anger to a look of sheer guilt. He thought that the grip on your arm had somehow hurt you. 

“I’m sorry.” He repeated himself, quickly dropping the grip on your arm. He was glad when you stayed of your own volition this time. “But, can you just talk to me? Please?” 

You hated to ignore his pleas, your own guilt curling in your stomach. 

After a moment with no response from you, more anger splashed up inside of him. 

“I hate this.” 

He said quietly, his voice almost breaking under the weight of his pain. 

“I hate how we aren’t close anymore. We don’t talk, we don’t spend time together anymore. I feel like I barely even know you…” 

He quickly gained momentum in his ranting, his words picking up from a dull whisper. You crossed your arms, keeping your eyes on the floor. You knew that you were the perfect target for all of his upset - so you simply took it. 

“This place is changing everyone!” He barked, motioning around wildly to the walls. “I’m living with my best friends and I’ve never felt so damn alone!” 

As his words echoed in the open space, he looked at you with intensely sad eyes, obviously waiting for you to say something - waiting for an apology. 

But any explanation you could give would mean admitting that your powers had gone haywire. It would mean telling him that you had been invading his privacy without permission. It was bound to screw up your friendship and leave him feeling just as alone. You clasped your fists tight, staying entirely still while he waited for an answer. 

“Fine then.” He said quietly, absolutely defeated. 

He was the one to charge away this time, harshly smacking his shoulder against yours in anger. He kicked down a rack of weapons on his way out. 

You hear him let out a harsh, exasperated ‘fuck!’ when he got halfway down the hall. 

At that point, you couldn’t help the tears that escaped as the pain surged through your chest. 

Maybe you had fucked up the friendship in an entirely different way.

...

Keep Reading Here: Part Two - Our Past, Our Present, Our Future

Final note: yes, I used to be @/pinkchubbiebunnie. That is still my username on AO3, and this is my new blog. This is one of my old fics, so please don't accuse me of stealing it if you see this. I have added some new scenes and elements to it (hence, why I have split it up into two parts) so if you recognize me by this fic and if you've read it before, I hope you enjoy re-reading it in its newly improved form. Feel free to follow me if you’re interested in my fanfiction and thoughtful discussions of the media that I enjoy.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #056

Are you a leader or follower? Definitely more of a follower, but one that will try to lead if it's for the better or cruel leadership exists and needs to go. How many times have you actually been in love? Twice. Where do you get your pizza? It's usually either Little Caesar's or Domino's. Do you own a Nintendo DS? If so, what games do you have? Yeah; I have Nintendogs, two Pokemon games, Cooking Mama, and uhhh oh yeah Guitar Hero. Maybe another or two, but I'm not sure. I like never use it. If you have a Facebook, is yours privatized? Why or why not? Yes, because I don't want to share my life with everyone.

Can kittens ever be ugly? Honestly, no lmao. I fucking love kittens. One of my favorite baby animals. Can you count to three in German? I can count thousands past that, but for the curious it's eins, zwei, drei. What foods do you always put salt on? Popcorn is one. Are you good at holding back your laughter if needed? NO. Is anyone you know really religious? I live in the Bible Belt, buddy. Have you ever owned a garden? I know Mom had two over the course of living in my childhood home. Anyone’s birthday coming up soon? Girt's is in a month. (: Would you ever wear fake eyelashes? Possibly for my wedding, but idk. Have you ever seen a walrus? Possibly at SeaWorld as a kid, idr. Are you more worried about marriage or a career? A career. I'm going nowhere fast in terms of making money... If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it? Keep it; like I'm not saying I WANT one, but usually facial scars look cool to me. Especially those that go through your eye(brow). Has there ever been a murder in your town? I bet my fucking life on hundreds. This place SUCKS. Last thing you and your ex boyfriend/girlfriend talked about? Sara asked if I knew if Tez was okay for leaving the group chat. I lied and told her I didn't know. I still wonder if I went about doing that whole split in the right way... Have you ever donated blood? Yes, in high school. Have you ever been called prince/princess? Yup and I nearly vomited lmao How important do you consider your pets, if you have any? I fucking ADORE my pets. They're my goddamn children and I will hear no arguments about it. I really wish I had more. Do you always flush? ... There are people who don't?????????? Like dude it is THE MOST common decency to flush a fuckin toilet after you use it. Have you ever swam in an actual LAKE? Yep yep. There was one that we went to pretty far away while visiting friends that was SO CLEAR and it was absolutely magical to swim in. It was cool, the little fish near the bank were so chill and unbothered, too. I'd absolutely love to go back. Do you have a friend called Nadine? No, but I love that name. Do you like America’s Next Top Model? Omg I remember WAY back when when my mom and I were actually into this show together and would watch it. That was way back when I was a teen, though. I kinda lost all respect for the show when I learned about them using tarantulas as props one season, I'm talking about on their faces and all. DO NOT fucking do that. One, the urticating hairs will fuck up your face and its orifices. More importantly though, that is a MASSIVE falling hazard and a tarantula's abdomen would 100% rupture from that high up if it did. And there's no fixing that. I fucking hate when people lose respect for animals in the name of fashion or whatever. What type is your antivirus? Norton. If you were given a chance, would you like to have a different life? I think if I was really presented with the option, I'd ultimately decline. What was the best thing you were given? Honestly? My mother. I could have been born to billions of other women and yet I got her, and she's the primary reason I am still alive. What would you want to say to your latest ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend? That I only did what I thought was right and that I hope she succeeds in life. Also that I will always cherish what we once - emphasis on once - had. Do you have any phobias? Lots: parasites (especially internal), pregnancy, vomiting/vomit itself, whale sharks and deep water, heights, maggots and similar larvae, driving, some insects, crowds, general social phobias, body horror, etc. I'm scared of a lot, honestly. Did you try to change for a person? Yep. Have you ever done something bad, but you don’t regret it? Yes. Do you like getting hurt? Uh no, masochism ain't for me. Does anyone hate you? She probably does. Name your last ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend. Sara. What are the last two songs you listened to? "Ausländer" and "Eifersucht," both by Rammstein. Shocker. If you could punch anyone in the face right now, who would you punch? On god my pacifistic ass would take up the chance to deck my uncle in the fuckin jaw. Filthy fuckin slug of a human being. Would you date/hook up with your brother’s best friend? I know literally none of my brothers friends, and even if I did, most likely not. Are you afraid of roller coasters? Yes, very. Do you have a nickname that you don’t enjoy? Ummm I don't think so. Do you know a James? I don't think so. Are you afraid of worms? Eh, I guess kinda? Parasitic worms fucking terrify me, but your average earthworm is mostly whatever. Those giant ones though creep me out. I also don't really like touching any. Do you wear rings on your thumb? I used to on my left hand, but I haven't since I cut Sara out of my life. I took my friendship ring with her off. Do you like BBQ sauce? I hate it. Have you ever been caught cheating on a test? No, because I never cheated on those. How many Spencers do you know? One. I used to take pictures of his family a lot. Do you see more of your mom's or dad’s side of the family more? Mom's. I've seen Dad's family like... once in my whole life. Do alligators scare you? No, I love crocodilians. I mean I'm not gonna go near one or tease it or anything, but they don't scare me. I think they're incredible. Have you ever seen a tadpole? I've seen literally thousands upon thousands. My sister, childhood friend, and I actually saved a shitload in a ditch when it was drying up. I COULD NOT FUCKING BELIEVE how many eggs there were, like we didn't even make a dent in the population of that mass. I also used to like catching them on the banks of rivers when I'd go fishing as a kid, usually with just my hands. Don't terrorize local wildlife please, ha ha. Did you ever want a pet rabbit? I sure did; I was crazy about lop-eared rabbits for a while and very nearly got one years ago. I wouldn't get one now, though; it's not the kind of pet I do best taking care of. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people? A LARGE group, uhhhh probably not since I did my senior project presentation in high school. I visited the special ed class to teach them about snakes and their misconceptions versus the reality of them. I was a nervous fucking wreck but honestly did pretty well, and I deeply cherish the memory and how into it the kids were, especially this one darling boy. When you were a kid did you ever look up “sex” in the dictionary? No, actually. I never knew what it was 'til sex ed in the 5th grade and know I didn't care enough to search it in the dictionary after... Honestly, have you ever said a racist joke? I know I haven't because I would have been disgusted in myself. Those aren't funny, and you just don't perpetuate shit like that. Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed? Yeah, many times. Have you ever kissed underwater? I'm pretty sure I have before. Did your mother change her maiden name when/if she got marred? She did. Do you use Tik Tok? No. What decorations do you have in your bathroom? We only have like three little plants on the sink. What was the last thing you cooked in an oven? I don't really touch the oven, it scares me. What year was your favourite band formed? Ozzy went solo in 1979, and Rammstein formed in 1994. Outside of blood family, who was the last person you hugged? My boyfriend. ^Any idea what that person is doing at this moment? I can tell via the Battle.net app that he's playing the WotLK Classic version of World of Warcraft. He's gotten into that version since that's when he started playing the game way back in the day and it's got him nostalgic, ha ha. Has anyone ever done a sketch or painting of you? I don't think so. Would you rather go to Greece or Hawaii? Greece. Do you believe in the concept of global warming? No shit I do. I know how to observe cause and effect. When was the last time you took a picture of something and was it yourself? I took some photos of a crape myrtle branch in my backyard about a week ago. What would you consider your favorite movie of all-time? The Lion King. Does it bother you when you wear the same thing as someone else? Not at all, no. Are any of your neighbors’ yards in desperate need of a grass cutting? No, pretty much everyone's looks the same. Do you still have your tonsils? Yes. Is there anything you hate about going on vacation? I get VERY stressed out packing. Does more than one person like you? Not that I know of. Could you ever be friends with somebody who was homophobic? No. Absolutely never again. Are you someone who enjoys stand-up comedy? Yeah. If someone offered you an all-expenses paid trip to one European country, where would you go and why? Germany, because I love the language, the culture, I'd like to try some foods, etc. Jello or pudding? Chocolate pudding. I haven't had jello in a long time, but I used to like some; nowadays though I kind of feel like the texture might bother me. Have you ever taken sleeping pills? Yes, but they don't really work for me. Do you think French kissing is gross? I mean, from a hygienic perspective, I don't think a valid argument against that is possible. However, let's just be real here, there are WAY grosser things you could do, and besides, by simply existing we're constantly fighting germs so whatever. Can your significant other/crush cook? Two things, ha ha. He's got me beat, though. What was you dream job when you were a little kid? What happened to that dream? Paleontologist; I'm unwilling to travel so much and I also can't tolerate the heat. What types of magazines do you read? I don't really willingly read any, but if I'm like sitting in a waiting room with magazines to pick from, I'll pick ones that deal with animals and nature. What was the last video game that you played? Girt and I started Heavy Rain a few days ago. What genre of video games do you enjoy the most? Horror. Are you a slut? I'm quite the opposite. Do you find piercings attractive? Usually, yes. What's your favorite number? I don't have a strong connection to any number, but ig if I had to pick it'd be 666 just because it genuinely does humor the hell outta me how a number can offend religious folk lmao. Do you ever hate yourself? Always. Have you ever had a crush on someone of the same gender as you? I know with certainty I've had a crush on three different women, each to varying degrees. Who’s the last person to see you in your underwear? My mom. What are your plans for tomorrow? Spend the day with Girt; it'll be our anniversary. We don't have any extravagant plans, just gonna chill at the house I think. What are you currently listening to? I'm watching Super Best Friends Play do a LP of God of War. Last thing to make you smile? Oh my FUCKING god I was losing my absolute mind watching Game Grumps play this AWWWWWWWWWWWFUL animal-based soccer-playing game last night. I can't remember what it was called, but oh my god the voice acting and animation are HYSTERICAL. The boys were going absolutely berserk laughing too, and Arin's cackle ALWAYS makes me laugh too. I was literally in tears trying to stifle my laughter to not wake Mom up, ha ha. Do you live with your mom and dad? Just my mom; my parents divorced when I was a teenager. [TW: SUICIDE] Have you ever written or received a suicide note? Ugh, I've written one and fucking hate admitting it and knowing it ever existed. Do you have the same color hair as your siblings? My immediate sisters, yes. Maybe my brother, but I'm actually unsure since his head is almost entirely shaven. Katie and Misty have black hair. I don't know about Tiffany. Do you have the same color eyes as your siblings? No, except I think my half-brother. Pretty sure his eyes are a light blue.

[poison-peach]

hello friends- i am back.

well, not really. I’m just here to let you guys know i’m getting married ♥️ tumblr has been ugly and wonderful and i appreciate all that ive given, and all ive received. not many will read this, but i just thought i’d have a nice little exit statement from tumblr permanently. ( it’s more for myself LMFAO ) i’ve made a lot of friends here, some whom i still speak to, some i catch up with every 6 months and some that i’ve drifted apart from.

to preface i’ll start with introducing my fiancé, SN. he’s burmese and studying in my country and we met through a mutual friend. coercing getting together with him has been the biggest blessing through the past year. he’s absolutely wonderful, extremely intelligent and has CRACKED humour. SN is really good In CS:GO and Osu! ( tbf i’ve never seen him so badly at all even in games he’s just picked up ) he’s a year younger than i am and as i type this on my phone he’s sulking next to me cos’ i got mad at him earlier LOL. SN proposed on my birthday last year on a whim because i found the engagement rings before he surprised me 😭

i’ve spoken too much so here are some pictures ( of food we ate together )

SN, you’ll never find this because you don’t have tumblr, but i want you to know how much i love you. we’ve gotten busy between switching jobs and venturing into new things, moving in together and travelling but, i don’t regret a single thing. the thanks and gifts i’ve given you will never amount to all the patience and kindness you’ve shown me. you’ve stuck by me at my absolute worst, and now i promise for the rest of my life i’ll do the same with you. i’m so proud of you for getting the help you need and going through with it. i know some days can be difficult, and i know some days i don’t make it easier. but i promise you’ll never have to go through any trials and tribulations alone ever again. i will do my very best to be the partner you deserve, the rock you lean on, the warmth you need on a cold day. i promise you in this life and the next, i will find you and love you as much, if not more. i hope you’ll be patient to deal with my outbursts and temper, i’ll work on my issues just as you work on yours. i’ll work hard with you for our future goals, ( the babies hehe ) cry with you, laugh till we vomit and will forever hold your hand. i love you even when you can’t do it and i love you when you can.

so… in short this is my ‘draft’ wedding vow. LMAO OKAY SEE YOU BYE

[gaysimpsstuff]

Accidentally Injuring Their Partner PT. 2

Part One Here

Y’all- the last one is like, my most popular post. As I’m currently writing this, it’s literally almost at 1K notes so... yeah. This one needed a lot of thought and effort if it’s going to meet people’s expectations. 

Please read the note I added at the end of the fic

Genre: angst

Type: drabbleshot

Warnings: gore, mentions of hospitals, crying, cursing, toxic relationships, self blame, some real ‘who cares how I feel, how do you feel?’ kind of unhealthy vibes, hazbin hotel reference (found in Todoroki’s section), talking down on oneself,

Other: this was requested multiple times, but this bitch was planning it before it was requested haha I’m so cool no I’m not I still feel like shit lmao. 

Angst Taglist: @smolchildfangirl @combat-wombatus @mandalorian-baby-bird @waffleareniceandfluffy @catcherisvibin @thesubtlewhore

Tomura Shigaraki

It was really all he could do to stare at you.

You’d moved from the theatre to an abandonment hospital, mostly to find any leftover supplies to help with your arm, or rather, lack thereof.

You’d only sort of expected this. Tomura lashing out at you, you getting hurt, you just didn’t expect it to result in you loosing a fucking arm.

Toga was helping to change your bandages, and Magne was speaking quietly with Twice, Spinner, and Compress.

Dabi was speaking with Shigaraki outside the room, and you couldn’t hear what they were saying. You were glad, you didn’t exactly want to hear his voice right now.

You didn’t think you were being that annoying, you thought you were just helping him. And you usually did. When he’d have his little tantrums, he’d get upset at you sure, but he’d never hurt you.

You knew you didn’t do anything differently than usual, maybe he was just more stressed than ordinary? Maybe you should’ve recognized that and altered yourself to fit accordingly.

Or maybe he’d just been horrible, and attacked you for no reason, and you had just been trying to help him.

You knew it was more likely the latter, but you couldn’t help but blame yourself. People don’t just try to kill their partners that they love so much

The door slid open, and Dabi stepped in. He glanced around the room, waving his hand to usher Magne, Spinner, Twice, and Compress out of the room. Today stood up, but you grabbed her hand.

Dabi pushed the door open a little wider, and your boyfriend stepped inside. For once, you were glad he had that horrible hand in his face, you knew that if he took it off you’d probably vomit.

“Call us in if you need anything.” Dabi offered uncharacteristically, sliding the door shut behind him.

Everything was quiet.

Not even the people in the hallway wanted to say anything.

He slowly walked towards you, pulling up a chair and sitting down.

You sat cross-legged on the creaky hospital bed, staring at him as Toga held your hand.

“Why are you here?” You asked quietly.

“I- I um. Why is she here?” Tomura ignored your question, pointing to Toga next to you.

“She’s here because she chopped off my arm after you dusted it. She’s here because she saved my life. Why are you here, Tomura?”

One of his hands lifted to his neck, scratching lightly.

“Shit- I didn’t want anyone else in here-“

“Why not? Don’t want anyone to see you loose yourself and hurt me more? Don’t want anyone here to save me?” You snapped.

“You- you know I didn’t mean it-“

“It doesn’t matter if you meant it or not, Shigaraki.” He flinched away when you spat out his last name like that. “I still got hurt. I lost a fucking arm because of you. How horrible are you that you have to cover up your own insecurities by trying to kill me? No really, I could have died.”

“I’m sorry!” He exclaimed, nails digging deeper into his neck. “I love you, okay? And I promised I’d protect you so-“

“So you broke your promise in the worst way possible.” You swung your legs over the side of the bed, squeezing Toga’s hand before letting go. You walked up to Shigaraki, lifting your hand and gripping his shoulder tightly.

“I’m going.” You whispered. “I can’t be around you. I still have family outside the League, friends that aren’t villains. I can build myself a semi-normal life. I’ll be happy without you.” You turned back to Toga, offering her a smile. “You can come over whenever you want, you’re my friend.” You headed towards the door.

You paused when you heard a soft noise, like a gargled scream. You turned around, seeing Shigaraki shaking.

“No, no please no- don’t go!” He spun around, grabbing your shoulders. You shoved him off you in an instant, curling into yourself

“GET OFF ME!” You screamed. But he was already launching himself at you again, you saw his palm flying towards your face. This time, it wasn’t an accident.

And you knew you wouldn’t make it out this time.

You were pulled back by a strong force, realizing Magne was holding you tight. Compress and Dabi were on either side of Shigaraki, holding him back, while Twice had ran to Toga.

“No! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! Please don’t leave me!” He screamed, the hand fell loose on his face, tumbling down to the floor. You turned away, not wanting to see him.

You could only imagine his expression.

“Goodbye, Shigaraki.” You whispered, ducking out of Magne’s grip and rubbing off.

“Goodbye.”

Touya Todoroki/ Dabi

It had been a week since he’d seen you, a week since he’d felt your hands on his. A week since he’d heard your voice. A week since he’d seen your smile.

A week since he’d burned you.

Called you inferior.

Threatened to kill you.

Well there was certainly a reason why he hadn’t gone to see you since the incident.

But...

He missed you.

He felt so guilty, knowing what he’d said and done to you, and he needed to see you.

Maybe he was just being selfish.

Maybe he knew he’d done something wrong.

Maybe he needed to call you.

He flipped his phone upside down, then right side up again on the counter of the bar.

Toga sat on a stool next to him, tapping her hands against the marble in boredom.

“So... what’s up with you?” She asked, cocking her head and glancing at him.

“Like I’m telling a brat like you.” He growled, flipping his phone over again.

“You’ve been off all week!” She exclaimed, leaning towards him. “Somethings happened to you.”

“If i tells you a little, will you shut up?”

“Mhm mhm!”

“Ughhhhh fine. I had a fight with someone close to me. I... I really hurt them. I know it. I haven’t spoken to them in a week.”

“So... Dabi has a soft spot?”

“That’s not the point of this. Also say that again and I’ll kill you.”

“Oookay then. You should just call them. Say something to them and apologize.” She offered with a shrug.

Dabi sighed, pressing his face into his hands.

“They don’t want to talk to me. Trust me on that.”

“Welp- that’s just my advice. Cent for my thoughts kind of thing except you didn’t pay me. You owe me a penny.”

Toga shrugged, hopping off the chair and leaving the room.

“Don’t owe you shit.” Dabi grumbled, glowering down at his phone again. He pulled up your contact, staring at the picture he’d set for you.

You had a bright smile, emoji hearts decorating your cheeks. It was from your first ‘date.’ When you’d hung out at your place after he broke in looking for shelter and food.

You’d taken care of him, let his spend the night, and even offered to let him stay whenever he needed to.

You were an Angel on earth.

And he’d burnt you.

Called you dirty.

And selfish.

You were anything but.

Ring

Ring

Ring

“Why the hell are you calling me?”

“I-“

“Dabi. Why are you calling me? You hate me, don’t you?”

“I don’t hate you...”

“Jeez, coulda fooled me.”

“Baby...”

“Don’t call me that.”

“I- I didn’t mean it.” He choked out. “Everything I said, I didn’t mean it. And I-“

“I really don’t care. The doctors said my arms would scar. I’m burnt and scarred like you. Are you happy? Is that what you wanted to achieve? Make me like you so that no one would want me? So that only you could have me?”

Yes

“No! I never wanted to hurt you, ba- Y/n please,”

“Please what? Please what, Dabi? What do you want from me? Huh? You want me to cradle you and say is all going to be okay? You want me to kiss your scars and tell you you’re beautiful? You want me to suck your dick and tell you I love you? After everything you’ve put me through?”

“I-“

“It’s not just you burning me. You’ve left me for days without contact, and then showed up like nothing’s happened! You’ve hit me and then groveled and cried for my mercy! You’ve made me do so much shit for you in bed that I never wanted to do! Our entire relationship, I was scared you’d get sick of me and kill me!”

“You really thought that?”

“Well guess what motherfucker? You can’t come after me! I’ve told the police what happened. Everything between us. They’re helping me move across the country. You’ll never see me again. Happy?”

“No. No no I’m not happy why would I be happy? You made me happy, when I didn’t even know what the word meant, you don’t have to go through with this, please don’t go through with this!”

“Don’t flatter me. I never made you happy. Nothing could make you happy except watching the world burn. I don’t make you happy, Dabi-“

“Yes you do!”

“Just shut up. I’m going to hang up. If I’m being honest... I’ll miss you. You made me happy. But with so much anger and fear surrounding you, it’s hard to even remember the last time we were happy together.”

“I’m... I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

Beep

Beep

Beep

You were gone.

Shouto Todoroki

If you thought Shouto was quiet before, you should see him now, wait, you were seeing him now, in class, eyes boring into your spine.

You still had a large bandage on your face, being hit in the face with plus added fire power is bound to leave a mark that lasts for over three days.

Did I mention it had been three days now?

It’s very hard to ignore Shouto, seeing as you were in the same class and lived in the same dorms. 

Plus everyone in class wanted to know what happened between the two of you, why Shouto seemed so down, why you had the bandage on your face, and if it was all connected.

You’d only told one person what had gone down between the two of you, and that was Bakugou.

Which maybe was a mistake, because he took to trying to fight Todoroki every time he saw him, and repeatedly told you that he ‘fuckin knew that icy-hot bastard was a good-for-nothing bag of of poorly packaged horse shit.’

You appreciated his comfort, but it hurt you every time he said something about Todoroki.

“I don’t get why you’re defending the scumbag. His hand hasn’t even healed off your face yet!” 

You and Bakugou were heading to the dorms after class, and he had gone on his usual tangent about how Todoroki did this, Todoroki did that, Todoroki was an asshole, etc etc.

“I mean... he’s technically still my boyfriend. And he’s been nothing but kind to me up until this point. He just... he was stressed, and I was being a bother. I’m sure the injury will fade at some point, then he’ll talk to me again and we can get back to normal.” you shrugged, rubbing at the back of your neck. “We’ll be fine.”

“You know what you are? A pushover.” Bakugou glared at you. 

“Wha- I am not! Where did you get that idea?” 

“Oh I don’t know, maybe from the fact that You forget to check in with how you feel and keep thinking only about that Half n Half bastard! ‘Oh, he must be so upset with himself!’ Fuck that! How do you feel?” 

You kept your eyes on the ground, speeding up. Bakugou grabbed your sleeve, tugging you backwards. His hands found your shoulders, thumbs rubbing soft circles. Your breath hitched, did Shouto ever do this for you? 

Not that you could remember.

“I feel... nervous.” you admitted. “I’m nervous that he meant what he said to me. That I’m nothing but a bother to him. I’m nervous that he’ll never come and talk to me, never apologize. I’m worried that if he does talk to me, he’ll think it was my fault. It wasn’t was it?”

You looked up at Bakugou warily, and squeaked when he tightened his grip on your shoulders.

“The fuck? Of course it’s not! Idiot.” he poked your forehead, and you couldn’t help but giggle a little. “Keep talking.”

“Um... I’m...” you took a deep breath. “I’m angry. I’m angry that he hasn’t talked to me. I’m angry about what he said. I’m angry that he even hit me to begin with. If we were training, of course it’d be different, but we weren’t training. And he hurt me. And now I’m doubting everything between us.”

Bakugou was silent, Cardinal eyes met yours. The tension was thick enough to cut with a knife, and for a moment, you feared Bakugou would try to blow your ass up for being a pathetic little weakling.

I mean... compared to people like Todoroki and Bakugou, you were right?

Bakugou took a step forward, pulling you into his arms. You held your breath, wondering if he was going to finally snap and kill you. 

But... it felt nice. 

You lifted your arms, wrapping them around his body and tugging him a little closer. You buried your face into his uniform shirt, body shaking a little as you cried.

You almost wanted to scream, but then the school would panic.

So you just cried, sobbing into his arms and letting him hold you. His embrace was war and comforting, nothing like you’d felt from your so-called boyfriend.

Maybe he was right, maybe you really shouldn’t try to think about him.

You did deserve better.

You sniffled, pulling off Bakugou with a soft smile.

“Thanks, Bakugou. I really needed that. And you’re right.”

“What was that second thing?”

“You’re right.”

“Hmmm?” Bakugou cupped a hand around his ear, feigning deafness.

“Oh my goodness- I said you’re right!”

“That’s it.” he patted you on the shoulder, proud smirk traced across his features. You chuckled. “Now you’re going to tell that to Mr. Daddy Issues and get the fuck over him.” 

“Alright, but you’re coming with me!” he nodded, keeping his hand on your shoulder as you returned to the dorms, heading to his dorm.

You paused just outside his door, knocking lightly. Bakugou was a few feet behind you, out of the way, but close enough to step in if something were to happen.

The door swung open slowly, revealing a bored-looking Todoroki. WHen his eyes landed on you, he jumped a little, taking a step back. His hand tightened around the doorknob, his other hand gripping his pants

“Y-Y/n-“ he stuttered, eyes flickering between you and Bakugou. “I-“

“We need to talk.”

“Listen I- I’m sorry!” He exclaimed.

“Todoroki, I don’t think you get it. ‘Sorry’ doesn’t cut it. You might have scarred me, so your one mistake might stay with me my whole life!”

“I know.” His head drooped, and his grip on his pants loosened. “I know. I’m- I’m just like him.”

“Him?”

“I promised I was nothing like him but here we fucking are!”

“Shoto what are you talking about?”

“I’m the worst kind of person!”

“No!”

Shouto looked up, eyes brimming with tears. You took a few steps forward, taking his face into your hands.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered “it was an accident, and you didn’t mean it. Please don’t talk about yourself like that.”

Bakugou grabbed you, yanking you away from him

“Uh, what the fuck? You came here to sever ties with him, not fucking comfort him!”

“Look at him, Bakugou. He needs me.”

“Y/n-“

“Trust me.” You smiled at Bakugou, pushing him away from you slowly before turning back to Shouto. You took the boy into your arms, rocking back and forth with him.

You ignored the heavy feeling in your chest, and the screams your brain slew ar you to get off of him, get away from him, and let Bakugou protect you.

You ignored logic, emotion, and all better judgement.

For this boy who’d hit you.

But Bakugou would end up being right, he was smart.

You’ll see.

Katsuki Bakugou/ Dynamight

Shit wrong Pomeranian

That’s better

Katsuki stood outside Recovery Girl’s room, waiting for Kirishima to come out and tell him what was going on.

He was chewing on his nails, foot tapping against the ground as he stared at the door. He could hear people moving around and talking inside.

He couldn’t get the sound of your screaming out of his head, the large dark patch that formed on your skin around your face, the way you just... fell.

The door slid open, and Bakugou stared forward and Kirishima stepped out, smiling and thanking Recovery Girl.

Bakugou was on his feet in an instant, grabbing Kirishima’s arm.

“How are they? Do they hate me? Can I see them?” He rambled, Kirishima gently pushing Bakugou off him.

“Uh, they’re fine for the most part, they haven’t said anything about you at all, and ask Recovery Girl.” He said, backing off down the hall as Bakugou stared helplessly after him.

“You uh- you might want to apologize. They are really upset.” Kirishima told him, quickly running off down the hall. Bakugou faced towards the room, stepping inside.

A cyan curtain blocked him from seeing you, and he heard shuffling behind it. It slid open, Recovery Girl stepping out. She looked up and saw Bakugou.

She wacked his leg with her needle/cane, and he yelped, stumbling backwards.

“You have no shame!” she snapped. “With what you did to them, you should be cowering outside right now!”

“Shhh!” Bakugou pressed up against the wall. “Do you want them to know I’m here?”

“Are you that clueless?” she grumbled, pulling herself up into her chair. “They’ve gone temporarily deaf.” Bakugou froze, glancing back at the curtain.

He’d blown up your eardrums.

He felt Recovery Girl press something into his hands, and he glanced down. 

It was a small whiteboard, with a pen and washcloth.

This was how he’d have to talk to you.

On a fucking whiteboard.

RG pulled the curtains aside, revealing you.

You were laying in the bed, half your face wrapped up in bandages, hands resting on your lap.

“Y/n...” he murmured. You remained still, staring out the window. Bakugou cleared his throat, and you still didn’t react.

“They can’t hear you, remember?” RG shook her head, waddling over to the other side of your bed, pointing at Bakugou. He watched your face slowly turn, before his eyes shot away from you, staring at the ground.

He heard you swallow, and you let out a soft whimper.

Were you scared of him?

Bakugou lifted the whiteboard, quickly scribbling some kanji on it 

ごめんなさい (Translation: I am sorry)

You reached forward, taking the whiteboard from him and erasing his words, putting your own down instead.

分かってる。(Translation: I know)

Bakugou pursed his lips, fidgeting with his shirt before he watched you put more writing down

どうして？(Translation: Why?)

Bakugou reached out, taking the whiteboard back, quickly putting down his excuse explanation

私は弱いと感じました。 じゃあ霧島を助けてくれたんだ。 うらやましくなってきた (Translation: I felt weak. Then you helped Kirishima. I got Jealous)

お許しください (Translation: Please forgive me.)

He handed you the whiteboard back, tapping his foot against the ground. You passed it back to him, and he hurridly read your response.

私はそれについて考えます (Translation: I’ll think about it.)

He had a chance. His eyes finally lifted off the whiteboard, landing on you.

The visible part of your face looked exactly the same, although there was a large bandage on your ear. Your eye looked sad, fearful, and nervous. You had a shaky smile on your face, trying to make him feel better.

You were always thinking about him.

それは再び起こらないだろう (Translation: It won’t happen again)

You sighed, smile falling.

本気？(Translation: Are you sure?)

Bakugou felt his heart drop into his stomach.

Well of fucking course you didn’t trust him, look what he’d done to you!

おっしゃる通りです。. もうお前を放っておいてやる さようなら、y/n。(Translation: You are right. I will leave you alone now. Goodbye, y/n.)

He stood up, leaving the whiteboard on your bed. He headed towards the door, with his hands stuffed into his pockets. He ignored the soft cry of your voice, surprised he was leaving.

He ignored the way you managed to choke out his name in a warbly, unsure voice.

He slid the door shut behind him, slumping against it and sliding down until he sat on the cold ground. He buried his face into his arms, finally allowing himself to cry.

He wasn’t going to try and talk to you, he resolved. He wasn’t going to bother you or scare you.

He’d keep you safe by refusing to talk to him.

He’d let the author end the fanfiction right then and there.

The door slid open behind him, and he flopped backwards, staring up at your face. You were holding the whiteboard.

オマンコにならないでください。 事故だったのは分かってる 頑張って俺を捕まえるのか諦めるのか? どんなヒーローがあきらめるだろうか？

(Translation: Don't be a pussy. I know it was an accident. Are you going to work hard and get me or give up? What kind of hero would just give up?)

A smirk slowly spread across his face. Yeah, he’d work hard. He’d never scare you or hurt you again. He’d do better.

He’d be the best boyfriend.

And he’d accept your help to stand up next to you.

=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=~=

After fic note: ohmygod I’m finally finished. This took fucking forever. You loved part one so much, I had to make sure part two was perfect.

Some of these ended in heartbreak

Another ended in a questionable descision

The last ended happily

All of them are different! 

I hope you get my references, and appreciate the Japanese Kanji I put in Bakugou’s part (if any of it is inaccurate, please let me know so I can try my best to fix it. I don’t speak or write Japanese, I used this translator to get what I needed). 

I worked hard on this, so if y’all could tell me what you like and dislike about this so I can improve my writing, that would be lovely. Don’t be afraid to pop a comment or pop into my ask box, I do my best to respond to every comment and ask, so don’t worry about being ignored.

I love all of you, and I’m so glad to be able to write for you.

Thanks for all of your support, I promise I’ll work hard on all of my drafts to make sure you get entertainment constantly! 

[obeymehasinfluncedmythoughts]

KINDA GROSS BUT ANYONE WITH A UTERUS HAS TO DEAL WITH IT SO FUCK IT

MC having the monster of all periods and all the boys or in the middle of it. And when I say the monster of all I mean it. Everything is happening. Clots, bloating, zits/pimples, PAIN, nausea, heat, anger, emotions going crazy, fatigue, headaches, back pain, insomnia, BLOOD, anxiety, aggression, food cravings, irritability, muscle pains and all the other gross and painful shit we have to deal with every month. How do they survive/react

This personally hits home for me 😔.

Before I was on my birth control, I had periods 24/7, all year. I know it's gross, but at my worst I went through 7 of those overnight pads in an hour. I had to go to the hospital for it (And then proceeded to get called a drama queen by a doctor). My cramps were horrible, and man, I still have bad periods but not nearly as bad as that. This is going to be a bit "gross" (Because despite how comfortable we can be discussing them, and how natural the process is, you can still be a bit grossed out by it. I mean blood by itself isn't bad, but sometimes it's like you give birth to placenta and that's pretty gross) but it's also hella fluffy.

Lucifer.

Very unbothered by periods. Out of any natural body process, it's probably the one that bothers him the least.

He pretty much treats it the same as any other basic need. Every bathroom has toiletries that he's got placed in some neat little box and their medications in any available cabinet.

But that's pretty much all he thought was needed.

When he realizes just how bad your periods are, he's a little under prepared. The household isn't exactly equipped to handle this situation, so he, and a few of his brothers (particularly Asmodeus and Mammon), scramble to gather whatever items might be needed from the various corners of the house.

Lucifer grabs you towels for your bed, in case you're the type to bleed through during the night. He finds you a heating pad, rub-on muscle relief creams, and a multitude of pain meds that exceed the typical Midol relief.

He can get a little peeved about your attitude, but knows that you can't really help it. So he'll grin and bare it, and accepts the fact that you're going to be a bit different until this is done.

Mammon

He's not extremely well-versed in the topic of menstruation.

However, I think this is one of those topics that despite not understanding, he automatically is incredibly accommodating.

There's lots of cuddles, lots of playing with your hair, and a lot of nonsensicle rambling that is mostly comforting (but sometimes headache inducing).

He is a little weird about bleeding through though. Not in a bad "You're disgusting" way, but more of a "I'm extremely confused as to what I'm supposed to do in this situation" way.

Thankfully he becomes pretty quick at just wrapping his jacket around you in public if you do start to leak.

He does think a cold wet rag is the secret to everything lmao.

At least it takes away from the hot flashes!

Leviathan

He might be a little embarrassed when there are obvious signs of a period (like blood or toiletries), but otherwise he handles it normally.

Levi doesn't point out your acne. He doesn't mention when you leak onto his sheets during the night. He won't call you out for being a bit more aggressive then usual (or even crying, because sometimes that's just all you can do).

All he does is just be a silent support. It's a nice break from the others tbh.

Like when you're in the bathroom, turn between feeling like you're going to throw up because your contraction-like cramps are wrecking havoc on your entire body, he'll be beside you. Stroking your back, holding up your hair incase you do vomit, and running around for whatever you need.

Definitely the type who, when you ask him to pick up pad/tampons, grabs every size and brand, puts them in the cart as discreetly as possible, then rushes home in a frenzy.

Satan

Satan is just as irritable during your period as you are lmao.

He's absolutely understanding, sure, but I think he feeds off of anger. So the minute you start getting pissy, he does too.

It's like a sympathy period thing, but uh, more linked to his sin then anything else.

Everyone is absolutely tired of you two squabbling by the end of your cycle.

Someone probably tries to lock one of you away tbh. You two are just extremely annoying.

It's even worse that after every fight you guys just cuddle. Like nothing ever happened. And everyone else is just kinda left there tense as hell because you two were arguing over fucking fruit for no reason.

Asmodeus

He's kinda like a big sister in this situation.

Asmodeus will give you acne treatments, run baths for you (always makes sure you don't worry about cleaning out the tub!), and gives you massages that sometimes get a bit spicy (But he always makes sure you're okay to handle it).

Yeah, I'll say it, Asmodeus isn't scared of period sex.

This is like the one time of the month he actually breaks his "strict" diet and junks out with you.

Cue lots of food photos! And a few that he sneaks of you for his personal folder. Expect to see your rather bloated self as a part of his aesthetically set up phone background. He thinks it's cute!!

A lot of body worship and praise is going down. Between him and Beel it's enough to make your head spin.

Beelzebub

This is like prime Beel time.

Cuddles, food, and massages are his speciality.

(Also not opposed to period sex but tbh he's like, extremely concerned about your well being the entire time.)

He's like, always kneading your muscles and thighs. Whenever you get self-conscious about your pre-period or period body, he'll always be ready to lay down a thick layer of praises that seem almost too good to be true.

Always let's you finish the snacks ❤

He gets you heat and cold packs. Well, tries. Somewhere along the line he gets distracted and tends to come back with cold peas instead of a ice pack. Works the same way, just, uh, food driven.

Beel is extremely calm during this whole thing. He rarely ever gets offended by your emotions or aggression either. Probably just pats your head and walks away when you're getting a bit too much for him to handle.

Belphegor

He is like, the biggest fucking asshole, but like in the funniest way.

Genieunly doesn't care about toiletries or whatever, but he's so blunt about it

(What size pussy kinda guy)

Oh you leaked and bled onto his sheets? Go back bed. Throw a towel over it. He'll sleep on that side if you want.

Absolutely no help to your insomnia btw, unless he's like blessed with magic sleeping powers, you're going to need to stay up with someone else.

Honestly though... he's not the best with handling periods but I think he's extremely casual about it. He doesn't look down on you, or your cycle, an does whatever you ask.

Extremely passive lmao.

[simeonisalesbian]

How would the demon ladies propose? Just the thought has me soft 😭

Lmao I took this and ran with it anon so it's a bit longer than I planned. I'm a sucker for the cliche of proposals going a bit wrong but still ending happy and cute soooo hope you enjoy :3

Lucifer:

she stresses on where to propose to you more than anything

The concept of a nice romantic dinner came to mind but she really would prefer to propose to you in private

It just seems more personal like that

so she manages to agrange a task for each of her sisters to leave the house

she then sets up a small dinner for just you two.

it is all going so well but as soon as she reaches into her pocket to pull out the ring her D.D.D. rings.

She'd ignore it but looking at the screen and noticing one of her sister's names she answers

Now instead of proposing she has to clean up whatever mess her siblings got into

once that's over with she'll end up apologizing a few times before pulling out the ring explaining that she wanted to propose earlier

Of course there isn't any reason she can't do it now either so she does giving you the heartfelt speech that she planned asking you to be hers till the end of time

Mammon:

she put a lot of thought into her proposal to you

She managed to save enough money for a ring and a big fancy dinner and she planned a whole romantic evening with you

however she is incredibly impulsive and has a tendency to word vomit when she's around you

So she ends up blurring out "marry me" after running away with you from her latest scheme that went south

Even if you do say yes she's immediately backtracking

She'll immediately ask you to take it back so she can try again like she planned.

She doesn't even have the ring here!!

Please let her try again she really wants to do this right. She knows she messes everything up but she can't mess this up for you.

Also she spent a lot of money trying to get you a reservation and it would be a shame to pass it up ya know

Leviathan:

honestly she just kept pushing back her proposal date

She just couldn't get the right moment and it just never seemed like the right time

She almost did go through with it once when the two of you were at the beach but she lost the ring and had to buy a new one

By the time she actually does propose she, you also had a ring coming to the the conclusion that maybe she didn't want to propose and you’d have to take the initiative here

So you both end up pulling out rings to give the other

Levi does complain for a minute insisting that she really wanted to propose to you

she'll then go on to explain just how many times she tried to propose (there were a lot)

Even though you pulled out a ring too she still wants verbal confirmation that you'll actually marry her.

Satan:

she makes a big scavenger hunt type thing. She got the idea from a book she read with you actually.

She even manages to rope her sisters into helping through much bribery and complaining

she sets up little clues around the house involving the two of you and waits for you to follow them

The end will be in the library where you pull out a notebook and open it to the marked page that says "will you marry me?"

She'll come around the bookcase holding the ring box

It's all perfect...until the cat sees the ring and decides that it looks like a fun new toy

she didn't plan on this she promises

You can both laugh this off later...preferably after the ring isn't in danger of being cat food

Asmodeus:

everythimg about asmo screams big and loud and this isn't any different.

She does ask if you're fine with a public proposal before hand she doesn't want to scare you off after all

Once she has the green light though she pulls out all the stops

she books a band to play in the park where she plans to have a nice romantic picnic. She'll take you there after shopping for a bit

It all goes according to plan at first.

However the one thing Asmo can't control is the weather

It's started out as a soft drizzle and she insisted it would pass ducking into a nearby store with you

That was just hopeful thinking though as the rain progressively got worse

The more it stormed the more her mood soured

when you asked what was wrong she pulled out the ring explaining how she had a perfect day set up for you and now it was all ruined

You'll have to insist it wasn't ruined and tell her how you have had such a good time.

She'll smile at you saying how much she loves you and how she really hopes you'll marry her rain or shine.

Beelzebub:

Beel shows her love through food in various way

This of course isn't any different

she manages to book the entire restaurant (perks you get from being a great customer I suppose) so that it's only you two and the staff

She also arranges to have the ring baked into the dessert

it sounded good in theory until you weren't exactly hungry for dessert and asked Beel if she wanted it

she immediately panics. If she turns the cake down you might worry but she can't eat it because it has your ring in it

So she asks if the two of you can just split it instead. She'll pull out the puppy eyes if she has too..

Luckily you managed to hit the ring when you go to cut the small cake in half.

Once you pull it out of the cake, a bit confused Beel slips to your side getting down on a knee.

She smiles up at you asking you to marry her and get to share meals like this with her forever and always

Belphegor:

this is probably the most effort she put into planning anything, which isn't saying much but still

she got the rings months ahead of time and had planned on proposing to you on the night of a meteor shower

so when the night arrived she pulled you along to go see see it despite the fact that it had been raining all day

the grass was a bit wet but she still spread out a blanket for you to both lay on.

however the sky was dark and covered with clouds from the earlier storm

Belphie insisted on waiting a least a little while longer in case it cleared up.

after a few hours she gave up and tossed the ring box to you moping slightly

she explained how she had a whole speech prepared and how after the meteor show was over she'd propose but now it was pointless

just place the box back in her hand and tell her to try anyway.

she'll smile saying you're ridiculous but proceed to tell you how she wished to spend the rest of her nights with you as long as you both live.

[lilacyennefer]

It is You, it is Me, it is Us

Anon asked:  Hi! Can I request “ Person A: “....You have far too much faith in me.” Person B: “And you have far too little.” with Angel Reyes? Thank you! 

A/N: Hi there! This is my first time writing for Angel so I'm a little nervous, but I got this request and loved it so much I quickly had to wrtie this at work today lmao. Anyway, I don't have an Angel Reyes tag list yet so if you want to be on it please comment or send an ask. I hope you guys like this :) Have a nice weekend!

WARNING: mention of vomiting, a little angst, lot of fluff, that’s all I guess

Angel always could count on you, he knew that. 

He always tried to keep you away from the club business, never really wanted to talk about it to you, he wanted to spare you, and he was afraid he’d get you into danger if you knew everything. 

But there was one point, a breaking point to Angel when he realised he only can count on you. 

EZ’s betrayal, and that Felipe took his little brother’s side, completely broke Angel. 

You were clueless when he came home, you had your own little secret that you kept from him, didn’t know how to tell him yet.

A baby. 

You figured it out two weeks ago that you were pregnant, and you were scared how Angel would react to this, so you didn’t tell him yet. 

You wanted to tell him that night when he came home, broken and angry, and hurt. 

Your heart broke when you saw how defeated he was, and again, you couldn’t make yourself to tell him, since you tried to pour some life back into him.

That night he told you everything that he was keeping from you, breaking down and needing someone to be there for him, telling him he wasn’t alone. 

You grabbed his hand, and your heart clenched when Angel looked at you with his teary eyes. 

You swallowed hard before you said anything.

“I’m here for you Angel, and with you.” You squeezed his hand “You can always count on me, no matter what. We are a family, and I’m always here. No matter what!” 

You take his face in your hands as you continue “I know you’re hurt right now, and you have every right to be. And you have to let yourself to feel this hurt, the anger. This house, and me, is your safe place, okay? You don’t have to hide any of your emotions, afraid that I’ll judge you for it. You know I would never. It’s okay to feel pain, to feel hurt, and ask someone to help you with it.” You gently wipe a tear off his cheek with your thumb “This is our safe place. You’re safe with me.” A small smile tugs the corner of your lips from your next sentence “And I’ll be damned if I’ll let anyone hurt you, ever. I’m gonna protect you, no matter what. I don’t care that you’re a giant compared to me,” Angel chuckles “I’m still going to protect you.

“That’s supposed to be my job.” Angel tells you.

You nod “You do the physical protecting, and I do the emotional. As a team.” 

Angel looks at you for a very long moment, his eyes are skimming over your face. 

“You mean everything to me, I hope you know that.” He whispers as he pulls you closer, wrapping his arms around you, holding you as close as possible. 

“Please never forget that.” You mutter against his chest, your secret is making your chest heavy.

A little bit over a week has passed some that night, and you still haven’t told Angel that you’re pregnant. 

One morning, you were laying in bed with him, he was still asleep, his head was resting on your chest, mouth open and slightly drooling on you, his tattooed arm was thrown around your belly, legs tangled together. 

Softly, careful not to wake him, you were running your fingers through his hair, when a sudden nausea hit you, and you could feel that you have to be in the bathroom in seconds.

“Oh god.” You whisper before you push Angel off of you, waking him, then you rush to the bathroom before you throw up. 

When Angel realised something was wrong, he rushed to the bathroom after you, squatting down next to you as he rubbed your back while you emptied your stomach into the toilet. 

“You shouldn’t see this.” You mutter.

“You saw me in worse states after parties.” Angel chuckled.

“Yeah, I’m afraid this isn't a hangover.”  

“Then what? Food poisoning? It seemed like you enjoyed the food last night.” 

“Angel, please can you get me a glass of water.” Is all you say.

“Shit, yeah!” He quickly gets up from the floor and goes to the kitchen to get you a glass of cold water. 

You gratefully take the glass from him and take a few sips in silence. 

You drank most of the water slowly, Angel was by your side the whole time, rubbing your back softly. 

“I’m gonna brush my teeth.” You mutter, and Angel leaves you alone while you get yourself together.

There’s no way of avoiding this anymore. 

After a quick shower, and brushing your teeth, you slightly felt better, until you stepped out of the bathroom and the strong smell of coffee hit your nose, and you can’t help but make a disgusted face. 

“What is this smell?” You ask Angel as you walk into the kitchen.

“Coffee.” He says simply.

“What? You love coffee, especially the smell of it.” He states when he sees your disgusted expression.

You take a deep breath. It’s now or never. 

“Angel, I have to tell you something.” You say nervously. 

Angel, seeing your serious expression, furrows his brows as he walks closer to you.

“What’s wrong, mi dulce?” He places his big hand on the side of your face, his palm covers the most of your cheek. 

You take another deep breath, then close your eyes before you whisper “I’m pregnant.” 

You don’t open your eyes as you wait for Angel’s reaction, but your eyes snap open when you hear laughing. 

“Yeah, that’s really funny Y/N.” 

You keep looking at him, as serious as you can to prove that you’re not joking.

Does he really think that you’re joking?

Angel is still smiling and shaking his head, but when he looks at you again, his smile fades.

“Wait, are you serious?” 

“Do you really think I would joke with something like this?” You snap “This has been killing me in the past few weeks! I’m constantly terrified of your reaction, that you’ll leave me, and you think I’m joking?!” 

Angel opens his mouth to say something, but he stops when he sees tears rolling down your cheeks.

“I wanted to tell you that night you came home and told me about EZ’s betrayal. I couldn’t make myself to do it, I was afraid it would break you even more.” You cry. “I’m so terrified, Angel, ever since I know it. We never talked about this, I have no idea what’s your opinion about this, I’m afraid you’ll think that I’m baby trapping you.” You sob “I’m confused, afraid, and all alone in this.” 

“You’re not alone!” Angel says firmly “Shit, I certainly wasn’t expecting this. I never imagined myself as a family type, as a father, but fuck, I also never imagined myself being so fucking in love with a woman, but here we are.” Angel takes your face in his hands. “Did we plan this? No. Am I terrified? Absolutely. But in no way, I’ll leave you, or force you into something that you don’t want.” The whole time your eyes are fixed on Angel’s chest, not meeting his eyes as you cry.

“Look at me, my love, please.” Angel asks you softly.

You look up at him.

“We are in no way ready for this, but the fact that we will have a mini us, the perfect mix of both of us, running around here in a few months makes me excited.” Angel smiles, and you can’t help but smile too.

“And if you’ll stay with me, I can promise you that I’ll keep knocking you up.” He winks, and you can’t help, but snort at his words. 

“Let’s wait and see how we can handle one baby, at first.” 

You’re six months pregnant now. 

Things were going easier than you thought they’ll go, and You and Angel were incredibly happy about your baby.

But you couldn’t ignore the fact that something was bothering Angel, you didn’t ask what is it, you’re almost sure that it’s club business, and if he wants to tell you, he will.

But you couldn’t ignore the mean thoughts in your brain, saying that he’s distant because he hates the sight of you, he hates the fact that you’re getting bigger and bigger, and he can’t look at you anymore, and he’s probably with one of Vicky’s girls. 

These thoughts made you break down in painful sobs. 

One night, you’re laying in bed, on your back, watching something on tv when Angel comes home. 

You hear him take his Kutte off, his shoes, as he slowly walks towards the bedroom that you share.

“You should be sleeping.” He says when he sees you being awake.

“I’m not sleepy. Hormones you know.” 

“I’m gonna take a shower quickly.” Angel says before he disappears in the bathroom.

You turn off the tv while you wait for him.

After like 5 minutes, Angel comes out of the bathroom, wearing only a loose black boxer that he loves to sleep in. 

He lays down next to you, turning towards you, drinking in the sight of you. 

Placing a hand on your round belly he whispers “You’re so beautiful.” 

It’s your turn now to turn your head towards him so you can look at him.

“And here I thought you hated the sight of me.” You whisper, voice so small you’re not sure that Angel heard you. 

But he did.

His head snapped up with a confused, and somehow offended expression.

“Why the fuck you’d say that?” 

“I can see that something is wrong. And I’m getting bigger, and bigger…”

“Stop right there!” Angel says forcefully. “You really think that’s the reason?”

You don’t reply.

Angel licks his lips, he’s no longer looking you in the eyes, but it’s fixed on your round belly. 

“I’m afraid I’ll fuck it up.” He confesses “I’m afraid that I’ll be a horrible father, and our child will hate me. All I can think about is that I will fuck it up.” 

“Angel.” You whisper “You won’t fuck this up. Not as long as I’m here and we do this together.”

“You can’t know that.” He shakes his head.

“Yes, I can. Because I know you Angel Reyes. You might fuck things up, but who doesn’t?!? Everyone makes mistakes, but the only thing important is that we learn from them. And you do, my love. You’re going to be the most amazing father. And you know why?” 

Angel shakes his head.

“Because you have a big heart. And when you love someone, you give everything you have to them, you love them more than anything, and you would do anything for them. I know it’s true, because I feel it everyday.” 

“You have far too much faith in me” Angel whispers.

“And you have far too little.” You reply “You have to start believing in yourself, mi Angelito.” 

“You’re going to be an amazing father, and this little one is lucky to have you as their dad.” 

Angel moves closer to you, placing a hand on your belly as he kisses you lovingly. 

“Thank you. For everything.” Angel whispers against your lips.

“Always, my Angel. Always. 

[juminsmysticmc]

hey! i'm the pregnant christmas anon aha. my request was that it was around the end of November and mc was worrying about what to get jumin for christmas because he is IMPOSSIBLE to shop for and also gets the best gifts for her and although she can always find something small to get him that he can put on his desk she wanted to get him something good and he noticed something was off with her and said he was worried and should go to the doctor because she hadn't just had a checkup in a while and then she finds out she's pregnant and she was shocked because she was having trouble getting pregnant. "You're getting your christmas present one month early and eight months late, i'm pregnant" (lmao I didn't think it would be this long but pls feel free to change anything about it, I love your writing <3)

Late Christmas Present 

You sighed once again as you turned another page. The luxury magazine you were currently reading couldn’t help you at all, and of course Yoosung, who sat across from you, noticed that you were getting nervous. The blonde man decided to forget about his studies and instead asked you if you were alright. You looked up and pointed at the magazine ,,I’m trying to figure out what I could give Jumin as a Christmas present, but there is nothing that I could give him,’’ you whined. Yoosung chuckled. ,,But Mc, it’s October! Christmas is still so far away! I mean, it’s still warm outside,’’ he laughed. You smiled and told him that you always got presents pretty early. ,,I never buy them at the last minute. I always buy them months before so that nothing can stress me out. For my mother, for example, I once bought her Christmas present in August, ahaha,’’ you laughed as you remembered the day you ordered her present even though you were still enjoying the warm sun at the beach.

,,Besides, if I can’t give him an heir for C&R, I could at least get him a good present, but I can’t even do that…’’ you suddenly whined. Your mood changed as you looked outside. ,,Jumin said that it’s okay that it’s harder for me to get pregnant and that I shouldn’t worry about the company, but I know that he wants children. I mean, the way he looks at children when we walk past them already says it all… he’s just too kind to me and I, as a wife, can’t give him anything…’’ Yoosung stayed silent as you whined, but suddenly he commented that you were maybe too stressed. ,,You should try to relax a bit more. Maybe you will have success!’’ he told you, never failing to smile at you. ,,Me? Stressed out? Jumin gives his best to make my life as comfortable as possible. How can I be stressed out? But you....YA YOU SHOULD BE STRESSED OUT!’’ you suddenly nagged at him, your voice raised as you watched his studies.

,,Ahhhh, but I don’t want to!’’ he whined, his eyes on his medical books again. The deal was that you would watch Yoosung to make sure that he would study since he once whined that he couldn’t handle it on his own. And since you were the only house wife and pretty good at understanding things, you agreed to help him. But studying with Yoosung was very hard. The young boy could get himself distracted in just a few seconds! But after you nagged at him, Yoosung luckily went on with his studies, and so the afternoon passed. After Yoosung left the penthouse, his words kept replaying in your head. Thinking that you could use a day to relax, you decided to put some hot water in your bathtub and relax with a little bit of wine and a good facial mask. The water kept flowing in the big bathtub as you looked through your candles to make the atmosphere better. You chose the ones that smelled like flowers and put them all around the room. You even put some rose petals into the water, as well as some nice smelling lotion.

Of course you first showered before you relaxed in the hot water. The wine was standing on your right as you slowly put your shoulders into the water, feeling the relaxation overcoming you. Classical music was coming from your laptop as you enjoyed the beautiful moment. You didn’t know how much time passed, you just knew that the feeling was just so beautiful. When the water began to become colder and your wine was empty, you slowly decided to get up, careful to not hurt yourself as you climbed out of it. Your hand reached for a towel as you exited the room afterwards, just to see your husband who just arrived home. Jumin looked at you as you stood half naked in front of him. ,,I like the way you come to greet me,’’ he laughed as you blushed because of the wine. You were never the type to get embarrassed. Your husband slowly approached you and began to kiss you. He first kissed your lips, then your neck, then up to your ears, and your cheeks. You chuckled at his warm lips and hugged him with your still wet arms. ,,My love, let’s love each other in our bedroom…’’ he whispered in your ear, going ahead to your shared bedroom to put away the towel from your body and kiss every single part of your body… ,,I will just take this frame so that he can put another picture of us on his desk,’’ you said to Yoosung as you scrolled through your phone.

A month had already passed and Yoosung couldn’t believe that you were still worried about the Christmas present for your husband. Suddenly you jumped up, feeling very nauseous. You walked to the bathroom and opened the door, just in time to empty your stomach into the toilet. Your hair fell in your face as your head was over the toilet. You hated this feeling. You felt sick with every second that passed. And not even Yoosung was a big help. The blonde man tried to grab your hair and patted your back as you finally finished vomiting. ,,It’s ten in the morning. You didn’t even eat so much. Why…?’’ he whined. You let your tired body fall on the ground as you supported your head on the wall. Suddenly your head was throbbing and you felt weird. You were scared. You felt kind of hungry and at the same time, sick. ,,I think I have a fever,’’ you whispered, looking over to Yoosung who was panicking over the phone by now. ,,She said that she has a fever,’’ he whined. ,,Jumin, I think she’s dying on me! She’s so pale! What? I didn’t kill her!’’ he by now sobbed. You rolled your eyes ,,Don’t say that I’ll die or he’ll worry! I’m just sick!’’ you tried to nag at him, but you were too sleepy. You had no energy anymore… You didn’t know how much time passed, but Yoosung was by your side the whole time. At some point he even brought a blanket to make you feel warmer while you were sitting on the cold floor since he wasn’t able to carry you to the bed. When you just wanted to get up, you heard the door opening with your husband rushing into the bathroom, followed by bodyguards and men in white coats. ,,My love!’’ he gasped and took you in his arms, your hand weakly around his neck while he carried you to a more comfortable place. ,,I can feel how hot you are…’’ he said meaning that your burning face was pressed against his neck.

,,Mr Han, please take care of everything else outside. We will take care of her,’’ one doctor said. ,,She’s sleeping, but her fever went down immediately. She will probably feel hungry, so make her soup or a bowl of rice. We took a sample of blood and checked her. As soon as we know something, we will let you know,’’ the doctor said and quickly went out to check what illness you had right away. No one knew at that point that you didn’t have any sort of illness… ,,I love you, my wife,’’ Jumin whispered. ,,I wish I could stay here with you, but I need to go to work. I will be back in a little while,’’ Jumin said. The next morning you vomited again. You were also a bit hotter, but everything else was okay. ,,The doctor will probably call here. I hope you have nothing serious, but don’t worry. I will take care of everything,’’ he said and smiled again before he went out of the room, ready to drive to the company. You on the other hand, weren’t that worried. You probably just caught the flu. And so, when the phone rang around twelve, you expected to be right with what you thought, however, the news they gave you made you even happier.

,,Thanks, Doctor. Please don’t tell him anything. I want to surprise him. I can’t believe it… how was that possible?’’ you sobbed happily on the phone. You quickly went on amazon and bought the frame. However, the picture you would put in there was completely different from the one you first thought… Thanks to Seven’s help, you even got the chance to go to the doctor without paparazzi seeing you. 

A month passed by and Christmas finally came.

You with Jumin and the RFA sitting together, eating snacks and opening the presents. Seven had the task of making a video of Jumin opening your present, but you still wanted to wait with the big surprise. ,,My wife already got a few presents this morning,’’ Jumin said proudly. ,,Yeah, I saw on her Insta. What was it? A new bag and a necklace, Mc?’’ Zen asked you. You laughed and nodded ,,And the six candles from the USA. They just smell so good!’’ you laughed and held Jumin’s hand. ,,But here is one more for Mc…’’ Yoosung said. You were the one who got the most presents, not just because of Jumin, but the RFA itself had a deep bond with you. ,,Wait, it’s boring. Open your presents too! Don’t just give me mine!’’ you laughed and took the present you chose for Jaehee. ,,open it!’’ you chuckled, excited what your best friend would say. ,,A coffee maker? Woah!’’ she smiled and teared up. You knew her the best, she thought as she hugged you. Well, Jaehee was also the only one who knew about your pregnancy and helped you this month to hide it. It was her who always managed to make you eat healthy things at business meetings and whenever Jumin choosed to eat sushi, she tried her best to make him change plans. ,,I heard that lately, raw fish is very bad for women. I’m worried about Mc, but I will book it-’’ ,,No need, Assistant Kang, Look for a place that sells well cooked food,’’ he always changed his mind. Yoosung opened his presents too, getting a new keyboard, a mouse and a few things he wished for.

Even Zen got his beauty box from you, feeling very happy about it. ,,There is one last present,’’ Jaehee said and took the little box from the three. She waited until Seven started the camera since he was too busy observing the cute presents he got from you. One of them was a package of Dr. Pepper… but right now he knew that it was his time to work so he quickly took his phone and started the video while nodding to Jaehee. He didn’t know what was going on. Why did he need to take a video? ,,For Jumin, it says. Mr Han, I believe it’s yours,’’ Jaehee said, giving Jumin the cute little box wrapped in a paper with cats. ,,I think I need to sneeze…’’ Zen commented. Jumin’s eyes softened as his fingers touched the written note on it.

,,Your wife, Mc,’’ it said. He looked up to you and seemed emotionally touched. ,,There was no need for it…’’ he whispered and kissed your cheek. ,,Just open it,’’ you giggled, playing with your fingers, feeling kind of nervous. But you knew that he was going to like it. You were sure. Jumin slowly opened the box, careful not to break anything. ,,A frame…’’ he smiled ,,can I show everybody?’’ he asked you, probably expecting it to be kind of… smutty. You lightly slapped his shoulder as Zen rolled his eyes. As soon as Jumin turned around the frame to see the picture in it, he froze. A little note was over the frame. Everyone became tired as they noticed that the rich black haired man was suddenly crying. So did you. Tears rolled down your cheeks. ,,Finally, Jumin turned his head to you and began to stutter ,,I-is that.. r-re-real?’’ he asked you. ,,We did it, Jumin… you’re going to be a father,’’ you hiccuped, taking his hand and putting it on your still flat belly. ,,Hello, daddy. I’m already here, but I will meet you a bit later. Please accept me as a late Christmas present,’’ you said in a childish voice. The video ended with Jumin hugging you and sobbing in your neck as the RFA itself gave you guys an applause; even Zen.

MASTERLIST 1

MASTERLIST 2

MASTERLIST 3

10.04.2021// 01:38 MEST

[scraregenrecs]

Rec Roundup - May 2021

Hello friends! It’s June! (i know, i know, wtf, right?) Which means that we have a nice long list of fics from May that we know you all will love. There’s a little bit of everything. Everyone can find something they enjoy on this smorgasbord of rare ships and gen!

So, look through the list and buckle in for some AMAZING fic!

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Aeration by @middyblue, Alexis & David, rated T, 4495 words

Summary: Isn’t her whole life proof that she can handle it? However shitty life gets, she puts one heel in front of the other and keeps walking, keeps going to the next adventure, the next thrill, because it’s when you stop that it catches up to you; it’s when you stop and there’s no one there that you start disappearing.

The night before she leaves Schitt's Creek, Alexis gets a text from Sebastien.

Rec [written by doingthemost]: This is a stunning fic that takes an unflinching look at the people that Alexis and David used to be, and the people they've become. I haven't read an Alexis character study that touched me quite so deeply. Check the tags!

and i’ve known you for a long time by @hullomoon, Stevie/Twyla, rated Gen, 574 words

Summary: While moving in together, Twyla discovers something from their childhood

Rec [written by samwhambam]: I love this little fic for multiple reasons! Stevie! Twyla! MOVING IN TOGETHER! REDISCOVERING SHARED MEMORIES. I love it all. Give it to me. It’s a sweet little slice of life and hullomoon killed it. Again. Per usual.

Every Night Has Its Dawn by @lilythesilly, Stevie/Ruth, rated G, 633 words

Summary: Everytime Ruth takes her to a new place, whether it’s a karaoke bar or a concert in the park or a cheesy tourist trap, or to try her favorite foods (sushi is so far a yes, the bistec Ruth made in her kitchen this afternoon is so far a yes, kimchi is so far a no) she watches Stevie with a bright smile, like she’s anticipating whatever her reaction is, good or bad.

Stevie never wants to stop chasing that smile. She’ll follow Ruth to a million different places in a million different cities if it means she gets to see that smile over and over again.

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Ruth + Stevie + Karaoke

Rec [written by doingthemost]: This is so pitch perfect, I could see it easily unfolding on my screen. I love the way you instantly get to understand the dynamics of their relationship through Stevie's amusing POV. This is a must-read for anyone curious about the ship!

The Future Is This Moment by floosilver8, Jake/David, rated E, 1774 words

Summary: Mostly canon compliant, David's POV for just before the cold open of S03E01 Opening Night

Rec [written by yourbuttervoicedbeau]: I’m such a sucker for David/Jake and this is super hot! I also love the tense shift at the end there.

High and Warm by lonelygrocerystore, Stevie/Twyla, rated T, 567 words

Summary: A (very stoned) Stevie and Twyla share a moment at Mutt's barn party and Stevie has feelings.

Rec [written by samwhambam]: Give me ALL the Stevie and Twyla making out while stoned at Mutt’s barm party. It is SUCH an underrated moment in the show. They both looked fantastic and it’s time we all really appreciated it. This fic is a combination of stoned making out and queer feelings and I really enjoyed it. So much. Highly recommend it.

In her brown eyes (the ones she gave to me) by @sarahlevys, Stevie/Ruth, rated G, 600 words

Summary: "I'm dating someone. Her name is Stevie."

Her mother tsks under her breath. "Stevie, ha? Sounds like a boy's name."

A laugh escapes Ruth despite her nerves. "Well – yes. I guess so."

Ruth tells her mother about her new relationship.

Rec [written by samwhambam]: This fic gave me mom feels. 😂 I read this and was really rooting for Ruth and I was so happy that her mom was receptive to meeting Stevie. It really breathes life into a character that we got limited screen time from. It’s a nice little treat!

Let’s all be with us by [orphaned account], Stevie/Albany/Jake, rated M, 1556 words

Summary: Jake and Stevie are at Café Tropical for their weekly milkshake the night of Jocelyn's baby sprinkle. After Albany overhears Klair saying breaking news: we still fucking hate her in regards to her at The Wobbly Elm, she flees back to where they'd indulged in lunch earlier that day, meeting the two of them in the process.

Rec [written by yourbuttervoicedbeau]: The thing I love most about fanfic is when I read something that makes me consider a character in a new way — or, honestly, makes me consider them full stop, which is something I’ve never really done with Albany. But this fic fleshes her out and gives her a damn good day.

my dress on the floor by @5ambreakdown, Stevie/Twyla, rated T, 4332 words

Summary: David smiles and squeezes his hand. “You’re cute.”

Before Patrick can respond any sort of way to that, he hears the door open behind them and turns to see Stevie enter, her eyes widening and mouth opening slightly. He hears her whisper, “Oh shit,” as she takes in Twyla behind the counter.

Huh.

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are stevie and twyla together? will patrick ever understand fashion? did i just vomit a bunch of words onto the page and didn't double check to make sure it was coherent? all these and more just might be answered!

Rec [written by samwhambam]: This is such a fun fic!! It’s told from Patrick’s POV as he slowly starts to notice some uhhhhh things between Stevie and Twyla. I love the Stevie and Twyla of it and I love David and Patrick being the classic best friends and getting super into it. I was smiling the entire time. It’s such a good fic and I kept getting distracted while writing this review because I keep reading the fic instead lmao.

rise and spin / over and over again by @anniemurphys, Alexis/Twyla, rated T, 2384 words

Summary: The apartment is dark when Alexis gets home, curtains drawn, air heavy. She wants to give in to the darkness, to curl up in it – but she also wants to pull her wife out.

Seven moments of grief, and one moment of hope.

Rec [written by doingthemost]: Please mind the tags! That said, if this is something you're comfortable reading, you'll find a devastating, breathtaking, captivating story in so few words. This is a fic that reminds me of how powerful fandom can be, and how we can often find solace and empathy in telling stories through these characters we love.

save it from the funny tricks of time by @hullomoon, David & Moira, rated G, 1114 words

Summary: While David helps her pack up her wigs, Moira reflects on their relationship.

Rec [written by yourbuttervoicedbeau]: David and Moira’s relationship is one that always fascinates me, and the parallel between the opening of the first episode of the show and this fic is so brilliantly done.

Sweaters In the Dead of Summer by @kindofspecificstore, Heather/Rachel, rated T, 2195 words

Summary: Rachel desperately wants to bury herself in the covers and never come out again. The lights were off last night- Heather didn’t have to see the patchwork that makes up her back and shoulders, the speckling of white and pink dots in varying stages of healing scars. She doesn’t like it. She’s not proud of it. But Rachel doesn’t really know how to fix it either. It’s not embarrassing, per se, just awkward to explain.

You know that feeling when you want to pop a zit?

Like that, but all the time. Except it’s all you think about. And you can’t control it.

Rec [written by doingthemost]: Yay, more Heather/Rachel! Please mind the tags with this one, but with that out of the way, this is a touching look at their relationship (every relationship in this fic, in addition to the Heather/Rachel, is treated so well!) and the importance of being seen and cared for.

To the end of reckoning by @dinnfameron, Patrick & Ronnie, rated T, 1308 words

Summary: He should get David a coffee. He could deliver it to the motel, see how he’s doing. His arm is raised halfway to flag Twyla down when he catches himself. David doesn’t want to see him right now. He may never want to see Patrick ever again. The thought makes him sick.

“Brewer.” Patrick turns at the sound of his name. There aren’t many people in this town who call him that, and sure enough, there’s Ronnie Lee at a table near the front. He’d missed her, somehow.

“You look like shit,” she says.

Rec [written by yourbuttervoicedbeau]: I love Patrick, I love Ronnie, I love anything and everything that explores the contentious relationship between the two of them. I love post-barbecue angst. Basically I love every single thing about this.

you make everything good by @rosedavid, Alexis/Twyla, rated G, 835 words

Summary: “Stop being grumpy, it’s lame."

Twyla has to go and visit her gaggle of cousins for two weeks, and Alexis is pouty about her girlfriend leaving for so long.

Rec [written by doingthemost]: This is an adorable little slice-of-life type of fic with some fun banter and some true-to-the-show Twyla moments! It's cute and funny and exactly what I love about the ship.

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Happy reading, friends!

[mrpenguinpants]

Oh lore?? I read your post on Dainsleif and BOY it gave me a lot to think about dsfjgkd

Along the same vein, what do you think of the relationship between the unknown god and Kaenri'ah? In Albedo's trailer they seemed to reference two new elements (time and being) and if perhaps the unknown god is the god of time, then does Khemia make use of "being" in its creation of life?

In Mihoyo's other game (honkai) they introduced a new "type" about halfway through the story which seems to me to be similar to the abyss in Genshin. The quanta type is independent of the three types that were present from the beginning of the game and it's tied to an abyss style region called the Sea of Quanta. Maybe I'm reading too much into it and they don't plan to imitate what they did in Honkai but?? Time and being as new "elements" introduced a few years into the game seems possible at least?? Maybe they're exclusive to delusions bc there's only the seven Archons at this time so no one can grant time/being visions lol

Djfkdj I hope this was at least slightly understandable I love looking into lore especially for things I write about!! I'll end this now before it gets too long lmao the new tumblr asks give me too much power XD

TUMBLR DELETED MY REPLY AHHHHH I HAD TO RE-WRITE EVERYTHING. THAT’S WHY I’M LATE TO THE PARTY. I’M SO SORRY CATTY 😭

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Major spoilers for Khaenri’ah and minor spoilers for the unknown god

:DD I’m glad you read my word vomit haha. I love talking about lore so much, ty for enabling me. 

What do you think of the relationship between the unknown god and Khaenri’ah?

The logical side of my brain thinks:

They either have nothing to do with each other and Mihoyo really likes using the same star for everything and Khaenri’ah just happens to live in the void or sky so the easiest way to distinguish citizens from there is the star (or it was just hot to put star pupils in and you know what, they were right). 

Or there’s some sort of connection between the Eclipse dynasty that ruined Khaenri’ah and the unknown god. Since genshin really likes to do that (see Zhongli and everyone calling him Morax before 1.1 dropped). 

Re-watching the prologue cutscene and “we will be reunited” (Gonna refer to this a WWBR) Aether drew the same two stars into the sand which makes me believe that either a. stars literally have nothing to do with anything and Teyvat only knows how to draw one star (which doesn’t hold up well considering Mona’s outfit and pin) or b. there’s some kind of connection there. The way Paimon phrases her question she says: 

“But when you wanted to leave and go onto the next world your path was blocked by an unknown god?”

It implies that Aether and Lumine have already travelled through Teyvat since we see two yellow stars travel over Liyue and Mondstadt. I know Aether was sent into some sort of deep sleep and only now awoke and met Paimon (since in the trailer we can see the lantern festival and the genshin upload was in march (chinese new year is in feb) but I’m not super sure on these details but I’m pretty sure it’s canon that this happened based on WWBR). 

Then when the unknown god appears and the same 3 red stars appear [tumblr throws a fit when I try and upload this]

She refers to us as Outlanders and calls herself 

“The sustainer of heavenly principles. The arrogation of mankind ends now.”

This could be a reference to “being” that was in the Albedo trailer while Dainsleif is “time” since time is "not something he lacks". If we’re going on the theory that Dainsleif is actually a god then maybe they are fighting? Or in some type of push and pull war. It would make sense since the Unknown God believes in heavenly principles (so the rules either set by Celestia or Gods themselves) and believes mankind is arrogant and wishes to either destroy it or remove it entirely. The complete opposite of Dainsleif who believes in mankind and hates anything relating to the Archons.

Or dainsleif has nothing to do with the unknown god and is just a final challenge to the player who will then face off against the Unknown God. 

In Albedo's trailer they seemed to reference two new elements (time and being) and if perhaps the unknown god is the god of time, then does Khemia make use of "being" in its creation of life?

In this theory, this would make the Unknown God the god of time, which is also equally as valid. Since she does talk about time and how the arrogation of mankind ends now. I think it’s right to assume that Khemia makes use of being in its creation of life since we see Albedo talk about chalk and turning things from “nothing” (it’s not really nothing, he’s still using something or the “being” in order to transform it) to something. 

If Dainsleif uses Khemia or even created it then taught it to the people of Khaenri’ah to help them survive in their archonless land, that could be a valid reason why he believes in the strength of mankind. Since the unknown god’s power seems to consume the person trapped within (as we see in the prologue). Plus in WWBR we see first hand how destructive that power is. This could also be the time where Dainsleif lost faith or hated the celestial beings. 

---

In WWBR, according to the wiki it states that our sibling was taken to another point in time, in an unknown location. But this event leads the sibling (Lumine) to become the leader of the Abyss Order. 

Lumine says: 

“But until the abyss has engulfed the thrones, my war with destiny will see no end.”

Lumine seems to know about the archons and the abyss mages follow her so it’s safe to assume that the “abyss” she refers to is either something entirely new or the red blocks we see here. It seems as if she’s trying to change destiny which could be why Dainsleif wants to save her. 

I will say right now, I really hope the theory that Paimon is secretly the unknown god doesn’t come true. I know it’s funny and I would enjoy seeing our emergency food pull a turned table on us but unless there are more instances where it’s hinted or it’s handled really well I would not like it. I just finished a manga and I felt like I was watching 20M plot twists happen in the span of 3 pages. I would totally be okay if the unknown god and paimon were somehow related (I can understand that) but I unless it’s handed really well or as the story progresses and we get more info on paimon. it would just be really out of left field. I haven’t seen any theories on this and I honestly try and stay away from lore posts until I’ve finished mine because I feel that might make my ideas biased.

The “everything must be connected into some kind of plotline or I will make it a plotline” brain thinks:

Now, this is just be spit balling and making up my own headcanons with no lore to go off on. This is pure indulgent stuff with no research to back it up besides very loose threads. 

I’d like to believe that since the Eclipse Dynasty was the last dynasty before Khaenri’ah fell. That might be what is being depicting above in WWBR. Perhaps khemia backfired or the unknown god turned against the people for their arrogance (I’m not sure if people know the myth but in short terms, a giant stole fire to help the people who were cold. He was punished for going against the gods and saving the people, this could be similar to Dainsleif). 

Perhaps Lumine and Aether had stopped this event from happening and as they were about to leave, the unknown god appears and separates them for their arrogant actions against the Gods and sends Lumine back to the past. Without her brother she ended up failing in saving Khaenri’ah. Or, the image we see is actually the future and she goes back in time to try and prevent that event from occurring, still trying to beat destiny but this time in the future. 

Or another idea, Lumine has only seen the evil that’s depicted and hasn’t personally met any of the archons. We actually got to meet Venti and Zhongli so we obviously want to protect them from Lumine’s point of view, that might not be the same so she aligns with the abyss order that tries to control Dvalin. So her goal is to somehow defeat the archons and that could be why the Cyro archon is trying to collect them all in her war of peace. 

Honkai and quanta

It’s kinda funny but there’s no reliable wiki source for this sea of quanta like there is for genshin, or at least I couldn’t find anything. I think they might nod at certain things between the two but I think it’s totally fine to believe they might do some sort of crossover and take some inspiration. We have Mona who was able to read the stars and Scaramouche who said the sky was a giant hoax so I think time and being becoming new elements is very possible. But I don’t really know a lot about Honkai so I can’t really say too much about it haha. 

---

Yep no worries, it was fun talking about some more lore and if you have any more I’d love to hear them. Haha, honestly pop off I love getting long asks. As always, it’s nice seeing you again catty 💕💕

[sleepysloth99]

Requested by a friend of mine!!! Sorry it's late but here it is!

Dating Wook Would Probably Be Like...

•Going by Netflix version I guarantee you he's cold as ice.

•He's not that great with communication nor handling his emotions well let alone some else's emotions but he'll try his best.

•Lots of times you guys are cuddled up on the couch after pigging out on ramen and some snacks watching TV.

•He doesn't want to admit it, but secretly? He LOVES being the little spoon.

•He dies whenever you wear his clothes especially his suits.

•He loves washing your hair and he loves it when you wash his hair (course he won't admit it)

•Get him drunk and he'll let it all out.

•Whether it's him venting or him being clingy he will admit anything and everything.

•"So when I was liiiike.... eigh I stole a candybarrr and shtill kinaaa regret it." He slurred.

•He cries, you comfort him.

•When he's drunk he's 10000% more affectionate.

•"I'm soooo sorry I'm so terrible. Yoush very pretty and niiiice I don deserve youuuu."

•He cries again.

•By the next day he's a lot softer.

•In fact that night where you first saw him drunk was surprisingly a huge turning point in your relationship. Who knew getting him drunk would make communication better?

•From then on he's a lot more open to you.

•He even admits how much he likes when you mess with his hair.

•You guys stay inside a lot but when you go out it's to get food lmao.

•He doesn't seem like it but believe me when I say he's insecure as fuck.

•He can get a little possessive at times. He'll lay off if he notices how uncomfortable it makes you, if it does that is (you decide on that one darling reader.)

•He gives lots of forehead kisses.

•His hugs? Top notch quality, best of the best, absolutely amazing, firm but still gentle type beat.

•You guys nap a lot. Anywhere and everywhere.

•No one really notices you two. You're both fairly quiet and keep to yourself.

•Less arguments arise compared to when the relationship first started (thanks to that night where he got drunk and word vomited).

•Sneak up behind him and cuddle him he will be K'Oed.

Well that wraps up his headcanons... for now. If you guys got any requests feel free to drop them. Doing the Netflix adaptation version of Wook was a challenge since it gives me less to work with but so much fun nonetheless! Hope everyone enjoyed and stay safe!💕✌🏻

[justsomefluff]

hello!! i found your blog not so long ago and i already love it so much, i was wondering if (if your request are open) you could do an ateez reaction to their s/o crying/pouting because they(atz) got jealous and they were ignoring their s/o (almost like the hwa reaction to you dancing w/ another member) 🥺 i love your blog so much.. hope your staying safe!!! 🤍

Okay, my sweet anon, this ended up being shorter than I originally wrote it bc it got deleted last time but I think I hit all the important stuff anyway! Also, I appreciate the positivity and I hope you are staying safe as well! <3

Summary: Ateez gets jealous of your conversation with another member. During a group dinner. Since they are feeling neglected, they decide to give you a taste of your own medicine.

Hongjoong:

Okay so Hongjoong is totally calm about his bitterness

Like he’s definitely staring daggers at whichever member you’re talking to

But other than throwing a dirty glance in their direction every once in a while

No one will even be able to notice that he’s remotely upset about anything

I think that he’s probably used to covering his emotions well since he’s the leader and he feels like he needs to be the most mature and stuff

That can lead him to being kind of reserved about his emotions though and that might bug some people

And so when you finally start giving him some attention

He’s gonna turn away from you and just flat out pretend he cant hear you

But when you finally get home at the end of the night and you’re sulking because he hasn’t said a word to you since before dinner

He starts to feel hella guilty

Like he never wants to hurt you but his jealousy really just took control of him that night for some reason

And if you’re making big, sad eyes at him and following him like a puppy as he does his nightly routine…

He’s done for

But I feel like once you actually start having a conversation, he’s very good at keeping it from turning into an argument

Good at “I feel” statements you know?

But both of you recover from this rather quickly and just make it up to each other by snuggling for the rest of the night

Seonghwa:

So Seonghwa is the type to act normal enough that the guys won’t notice that anything is wrong

But you know him well enough to know that he’s being kind of cold to you for some reason

And if you notice he’s being super low-key rude to another member then you can kind of connect the dots and understand why he’s upset

He will never let any of the guys see his anger though

Mostly because he’s the oldest and he feels that responsibility to them to only show them his good side if he can help it

So he will talk to you, but only like one word at a time

And he’ll brush you off if you touch him

But he will disguise it by reaching for food or something

He’s good at this okay

But if you just keep staring at him and the guys notice enough to ask you what’s wrong, then he’ll tell you to fake it til you get home

And you do because you don’t want to upset him more yk

And when you get home though, you’re almost in tears bc hiding it like that was so exhausting and painful

When he sees you starting to break a little, then he’s hugging you

Like .5 seconds to cross the room to get to you okay

Drama Mama Hwa to Protective Boyfriend Hwa that quick

He’ll explain why he was upset and you’ll explain your side as well

And once you’re finished, you’re both calm and forgiving about it

Even if you don’t fully understand each others point of view, you get it enough to let it go

Then you both just pass out together bc emotions are tiring

But you definitely wake up with smiles on your faces the next morning

Yunho:

(this is how he sulks at you okay its adorable, i just wanna give him the world)

this jealous baby

Like did you guys see that video of him and Wooyoung eating cheese tteokbokki like San was just tryna help no need to get your boxers in a bunch sweetie

But anyways, I digress

If he’s jealous, he’s gonna let you know straight out the gate

Like he’ll literally tap you on the shoulder and then act like he did nothing

And at first you’re like aw cute he’s being playful

But really he just wants you to know he’s ignoring you on purpose

Like how dare you not notice that Im ignoring you purposefully… He’s not gonna put in all this effort just for you to not notice okay

And when your brain finally connects those dots its like ugh

But Yunho is easy to break okay

Like the second you pay him even a lick of attention he’s so happy

Its just really hard for him to stay upset

But dammit he’s gonna try his best to keep it up until he thinks you have both neglected each other for an equal amount of time

But both of you are kinda clingy

So even if you both know this won’t last for very long, you still get kinda sad about it

And the second your lip juts out and you’re pouting

He’s smooshing your cheeks and just going “aigooooooo” and babying you and stuff

All the other members are disgusted but they’re just jealous okay I said what I said

Yeosang:

(Kang Yeosang character summary: will ignore you for chicken)

Okay I don’t think Yeosang is the type to ignore you on purpose

He just gets really in his head when he’s jealous and gets quiet

And I feel like we see more of Yeosang’s quiet side rather than his expressive side

So maybe he’s shyer about emotions? Idk this is all speculation anyway

So if he’s in his head, he’s definitely not trying to hurt you or anything

He’s just thinking about everything and feeling neglected and insecure

Poor baby

Like he’s only gonna notice that you’re sad about him ignoring you once youre alone

Bc nothing else can distract him from you aw

And if you’re even the slightest bit teary, all of his insecurities fly out the window

Like all his focus will be on making you feel better

And when you say that you’re upset bc he was ignoring you

He’ll literally be like… you were ignoring me tho???

Also he strikes me as the type to laugh in serious situations so he will deadass burst out laughing 

Like full on cackling

You’re half crying and just staring at him like ??? Wtf???

And he’s like WE IGNORED EACH OTHER HAHAHA

What the hell’s so funny about that you absolute crackhead

But then youre laughing too bc you realize that this entire situation is kind of ridiculous anyway

And both of you get over just like that, and spend the rest of the night giving each other all the love and affection you have to spare

San:

Okay San’s type of jealousy is more aggressive I think

Like not that he’s aggressive towards anyone about, just it impacts him way more than anyone else

So it can really take a toll on your relationship sometimes

But I do feel like, if he’s gonna ignore you, it’s only gonna be while you’re in front of the members

But as soon as you get home, all the emotions are gonna come out at once

Like as soon as you step through the door, word vomit all over the place

And if you’re eyes are glossy too then both of you are gonna end up crying

And neither of you are really sure why you’re crying, you’re just soft babies okay

But I do think that San is more accusatory in these situations

Like a lot of “you did this” instead of “this is how I feel”

So it can start arguments sometimes

This time though, you’re both just emo and soft

Since you’re both a little bit weepy, you’re both just apologizing profusely 

but neither of you really know why you’re sorry

You just are

And no formal resolution is reached because you both fall asleep all cozied up to each other with tears drying on both of your faces

And you wake up in the morning, kind of giggling at each other

All the negativity got washed out of your systems anyway :)

Mingi:

this BABY

he’s jealous but if he ignores you omg

its so hard for him to do

god like he's not even good at it

like he’s ignoring you but still holding your hand??

like how does that work

but anyway, even if you're pouting at him and stuff

he will be the one who ends up crying

like “why did you ignore meee”

and you're like... I didn't even realize I was??

so you decide to tell him what you and the members were talking about

and then all of a sudden, he’s distracted

like “ooh that interesting”

tell me more

or if it was a debate he’ll pick a side and have a full discussion with you

or if he agrees with you, he will playfully diss the other members for being wrong lmao

basically, just distract him and everything will be all set

just don't make a habit of ignoring him bc then he will really feel unloved and no one is allowed to hurt my Minnie

Wooyoung: 

So, Wooyoung is more exaggerated with the way he expresses his emotions

And we all know that I mean we’ve seen it

So when he gets jealous, he feels it in his chest

Then those emotions bubble up and come out in the form of hysterics

So he goes extra crazy for a little bit

Like not showing anger or anything, just being excessively crackheadish

And obviously not giving any of that attention to you

You notice it immediately

Like if he’s super excited, he always gives you most of his attention bc he really wants to share that happiness with you

But if he’s ignoring you, its really obvious

And you really feel the hurt bc its like… he never acts like this normally

So once you get home you’ve pretty much had it

Like your eyes are welling up and he’s just kind of looks at you like “oh nooooooo, I done messed up”

And he’s holding you and apologizing and being sweet and explaining why he did it

Literally swears up and down he will never do it again

Bc when he feels guilty it’s overwhelming for him too

Especially when it comes to you

So you end up snuggling each other the whole night to make up for the time you lost ignoring each other

Jongho:

Jongho is definitely more reserved about his emotions and we see that a lot

I feel like its probably because he’s the youngest and he doesn’t want his hyungs to think he’s immature or incapable of handling his emotions

So he is gonna try to maintain that tough facade in front of his members at all costs

And they won’t really notice if you guys are having problems bc I feel like he tends to keep things about your relationship more private in front of them anyway

So if he’s ignoring you, the other guys will just assume that he’s trying to keep being tough

No one is allowed to see Jongho soft okay

But you will be seeing him turn soft the second he notices that you’re hurting

If he notices that you’re upset when you’re with the guys, he will take you home early

The second you’re alone, protective and soft Jongho combine to form that side of him the guys arent allowed to see

He hates that he’s the reason you’re feeling hurt

Will try literally anything to make you feel better

He is not gonna stop touching you and holding you and babying you all night

Has to be in contact with you in some way or he’ll cry

But either way he’s gonna be the best boyfriend to make up with

Bc he behaves this way after every conflict you have

Forever a sweetheart

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #457

“blue are the words i say and what i think  /  blue are the feelings that live inside of me”

Do you buy your lingerie at Victoria’s Secret? No. That shit is so overpriced and not for my size group. Would you ever use an online dating service? I never would again. Are you good at multitasking? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Have you ever eaten Frosted Mini Wheats? Ugh, those are so gross. What does your bikini look like? You think THIS bitch wears a bikini??????????????????????? Does age really matter in a relationship? To an extent, yes. How much does the last person you kissed mean to you? I honestly don't even know if I'd be here without her. Almost like magic, Sara popped back into my life right after I returned home from the hospital following my suicide attempt. She helped make recovery possible as a solid source of support. Do you use lotion? Not NEARLY enough. My skin is so dry; I need to. Do you believe in teenage love? I experienced it deeply and thoroughly, so yes. Have you ever sat on the roof of your house? No. Do you like Sublime? I like that one popular one of theirs. "Santaria" or whatever it's called? What’s your favorite movie genre? Paranormal horror, especially the "found footage" type. It's creepy to imagine it being actually real. Is there a celebrity that you’d be willing to have a one night stand with? If he was single? I know in my gut I would lmaooooo Do you want to live in your current town the rest of your life? OH MY GOD PLEASE NO If you found out today your best friend was gay what would you do? She's demisexual, so. She can like anybody. If you could get a pet for free today-what kind/what name? A tegu, because it wouldn't need an enclosure that I don't have. I'd let it free roam. God, I can only imagine Roman's reaction. How many people have you slept with? If you mean what I think you do by "slept," one. Do you ever wish you had a family business to become a part of? Not really. What’s the most gruesome way you could come up with to kill someone? Hunny, have you seen my dark RP????? The world best be glad I'm a pacifist lmfao Do you think anyone deserves to die that way? I don't believe in torture, so no. If you had to fight for survival, what would your weapon of choice be? A gun, I guess? I'd want something with range and that's quick. I wanted to say a bow and arrow, but preparing another arrow after shooting once could really cost you your life. Where did you buy your favorite pair of jeans? I don't wear jeans anymore. Do you have a large dog? We don't have a dog, period. If not, are you afraid of them? No, I love big 'ole puppos!!!!! I just don't wanna own a dog myself. Are you good at playing darts? Holy fuck no, I have NO hand-eye coordination. I once stabbed the guy at a balloon popping booth thing with a dart in the arm, if that tells you anything, ooooooooooof. Do you like breaded chicken sandwiches? YESSSSSSSSS omg Do your parents know that/if you smoke? They know that I don’t. Have you ever been under a blacklight? Omg so in elementary school, we did this thing once where we all washed our hands as best we could and then put them under some sort of light (maybe a blacklight, idk???) to see JUST how resilient germs are. You gotta scrub the fuck out ya hands, people. How many pounds do you want to lose? I'd rather not share a number, but a lot. What’s your favorite natural phenomenon? The Northern Lights. Do you snore? Very surprisingly for someone with sleep apnea like mine, I actually don't. How many people do you know with the same first name as you? Off the very top of my head, one, but it's spelled differently. I KNOW I know of a shitload more Brittanys, though. Is it possible you could be pregnant? Well, I haven't been intimate with a man in years and just finished my period, so like- Could you go a day without texting? I go most days without texting. Do you have a step-parent? My dad is remarried, so yes. If so, do you get along with them? She's EXTREMELY Christian, so her beliefs wildly disagree with mine, but I keep my mouth shut a lot just to keep the peace. She IS a very sweet woman, nevertheless, and am glad she and my dad are so happy together. Does your current/last job require that you wear a uniform? My last job (which lasted not even two hours lol) did. When will your driver’s license expire? My permit has been expired for like... two years. Do you live in an apartment? No. If the last person you kissed proposed to you what would you say? That's too wild a concept to even imagine. I'd probably ask if she was okay lmao. Would you ever get back with one of your exes? Weeeelp, I want to get back together with Girt. Pretty badly. Write a foreign word, and what it means: "Schadenfreude" is a German term that essentially means secondhand embarrassment, but it doesn't have a perfect translation. Is there an ex you think about everyday? Inevitably. That's PTSD, my friends. Who is the last person that you said I love you to, besides family members? Sara. What's the worst thing you have ever said to anyone? Something along the lines of "no one could ever love you like I do." It boils my blood just typing that; I considered even deleting this question. That quote right there is fucking manipulation, even IF I thoroughly believed it. Who was the last person to comment one of your pictures? I don't feel like looking. Do you tend to go for older or younger when looking for someone to date? It's weird, I'm into slightly older-than-me guys, but probably girls who are barely a bit younger than me. Have you ever been used? I don't think so. Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head? Like I've said in plenty of surveys: Jason is probably a permanent fixture. But also as of the past two days, Girt's been living up there. I went from "hmmm I just don't know how I feel" to "FUCK I want to talk to him about how stupidly into him I am right this fucking INSTANT" pretty goddamn fast. It kinda scares me just because of how extreme my feelings are. Again. That's only ever gotten me hurt. Buuuut let's not get into that. Have you ever got caught cheating on a test? No, because I've never tried to. Will your next kiss be a mistake? I hope it won't be. But it's not like I know the future. Have you ever worn an oxygen mask? Actually yes, when I was young and thought I was having an asthma attack or something. Mom had one for her own asthma. Then I obviously wore one for surgery. What song do you want to be played at your funeral? "Paradise" by Coldplay is absolutely #1. How many swear words are in the song you’re listening to? I'm not listening to music; I'm back to watching Gab play Sekiro. What color was the last swimsuit you wore? Black. Have you ever kissed anyone of the same sex, and if so, who? Yeah, just Sara. Who did you last tell to ‘shut up’? Ha, I think my WoW friend Lyndsey, but only playfully, of course. We pick fun at each other all the time. Would you ever get a tattoo of a boyfriend/girlfriend's name? NOOOOOOOOO. Are you one of those girls who already have baby names picked out? I know what I'd name my kids IF I actually wanted any, yeah, but I don't. Do you think guys with long hair are attractive? Yessss, I love long hair on guys. Are any of your siblings taller than you? I think Ashley is a liiiiil bit taller? I know my brother is, for sure. Have you ever scared someone so badly that they cried? Yikes, no. When was the last time you wore high heels? Boy oh boy, no idea. Is there someone that you want to hurt right now? Jeez, no thanks. What was the most interesting or colorful birthday cake you’ve had? I don't remember, but I'm sure something from childhood. What was the last thing someone bought you? Was it expensive? Mom bought me food from McD's, which obviously isn't expensive. Do you have any interesting moles anywhere you don’t want people to know of? No. Have you ever gotten high or drunk in a really formal place? Strong "no" there. Do you ever write poetry and post it on any certain websites? On the very rare occasion I write poetry and actually like it, I'll sometimes post it on dA. What do you miss most about your childhood? Actually, genuinely having fun and not dealing with fucking anhedonia. Would you like to know the precise date of your future death? Hell no. Do you photograph well? I'd like to hope so. Are there any animals you flat out refuse to touch? Maggots and similar bug larvae. What super power would you refuse, if it was offered to you, and why? Mind reading. It just sounds... awful and overwhelming. What’s your favorite discontinued product that you wish would come back? Oh, I KNOW I have answers to this, just none are coming to me immediately and I don't feel like sitting here for five minutes thinking about it. If adults had show and tell, what would you bring into work? My snek! :') If you had a reset button for the last 10 years, would you press it? Tempting, but... I don't think I would. I cannot go through how deep my depression was again. Who is someone you would never swear in front of? My nieces and nephew. Yes, I don't believe in profanity being a "thing" and is just a stupid human fabrication, but nevertheless I acknowledge societal standards and expectations, and they're way too young to get when you shouldn't say something like that and why. Have you ever won a contest or competition? A few. Who is your favorite TV character? I don't think I really have one? Do you coo over other people’s babies? Not really, no. Sometimes I'll think they're super cute and be like "awww," but I don't like... squeal and spaz like some people do. What is something that makes you very squeamish? VOMIT. Has there been a celebrity death that really affected you? Steve Irwin got me deeper than anyone else. Chester Bennington hit real hard, too. If you’re out of high school, have you stayed in touch with your high school friends? If you’re still in school, do you think you will? Most of my closest ones, yes, at least via Facebook. What’s a movie that you want to see? Old movie, but Jacob's Ladder. It was a massive influence on Silent Hill, so naturally, I'll probably love it. It's a classic, anyway. Do you use the same username everywhere online or do you have a lot? I use "Ozzkat" in most places, but I do have some other ones for different sites. Who was the last person you know who became pregnant? My friend Ana recently revealed she's expecting her second child, a boy. What fad were you actually into? I have zero clue. Have you ever tailgated? Would you want to? Fuck no. That's how so many wrecks happen. My sister legit got in a wreck with an 18-wheeler mostly because she was tailgating (which she does BADLY); she was trying to pass, and he moved over at the same time because he couldn't see her coming around. It's a borderline miracle she got out with only some cuts, bruises, and a seatbelt burn. Have patience, people. Get off cars' asses. Why did you fall for the last person romantically? Look, don't get me started on this. There are a shitload of reasons and I have been way too emotional over this the past few days laksdfja;lwke What’s the last thing you had to eat? A bagel w/ cream cheese for breakfast. Do you ever pick up your house phone? We don't have a landline phone. Truth be told, are you more into looks or personalities the most? Personalities, for sure. I cannot be into you if your personality isn't attractive.

[divine-noire]

Mononucleosis Awareness Post

So I caught Mono participating in Hot Girl Summer™ (jk jk lmao) but I did get Mono, and this shit is not a fucking joke. If you feel like you might have it, please go to the doctor. Over the past 4 weeks, I have been going through literal medical hell from complications. I’m gonna list the symptoms I’ve had and if you feel like you might have it, go get looked at. I thought Mono was something only horny ass teens got in high school playing spin the bottle, I’m 26 (27 next month) and was NOT expecting this shit at all.

Fatigue

My first symptom that something was wrong was fatigue. This is not normal, everyday fatigue. This is actually waking up and feeling like the world is ending when you take your first step, fatigue. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. While driving, I put my emergency break on at red lights because I was afraid I would fall asleep while at the standstill. At work, if there were no calls, my head was down (luckily, my boss is only here twice a week so I could get away with this). At home, I was in bed by 6PM and when you do sleep, it’s immediate. There is no gradual lulling off to sleep. It’s face-meet-pillow-meet-morning-alarm type of sleep. But I was still tired no matter how much I slept so I started using No Doze to counteract the effects. At first, it was fine, but even then, I still had the underlying fatigue. It got so bad, I drove over a friend’s house in Greenbelt, MD which is about an hour and a half away with rush hour traffic, using every bit of energy I had in my body to get to her, because she said she would take care of me, which she did. But by the time I pulled up to her house, I basically almost fell out of the driver side door when she opened it for me. That is not an exaggeration, that is the level of exhaustion I felt from just driving that far without sleeping. We thought I had the flu or something flu-like, so she gave me fluids and alot of Day & NightQuil. It made the symptoms lessen, but it never made them go away.

Sore Throat

At the beginning, my throat merely felt scratchy. This lasted for about 3 days, before I knew it, my voice was gone and my throat was in so much pain I gave up talking. The pain is not akin to Strep Throat, if you’ve had that before. It is actually worse. My throat was swollen as a symptom of the virus, but it graduated into its own infection of severe Tonsillitis. It was so severe that I actually began having trouble swallowing from the amount of swelling that it caused. I had to receive a steroid injection in my butt to counteract the swelling and start methylprednisone (which wasn’t strong enough and I had to go back for regular prednisone 20mg). I couldn’t eat anything without pain, so I stuck to drinking a lot of fluids and ice water. Ice water became my guardian angel because my throat was in a constant state of burning pain. I also grew exodus on the back of my throat, past my tonsils, as a result of the infection in my throat, and had to gargle salt water like crazy everyday to get them out. The exodus hurts, it is hard and feels like cement on the back of your throat and it makes the Tonsillitis 10x worse than it already is. I didn’t have a voice at all for 12 days, I had to use a dry erase board for all interactions (it’s quicker than typing on my phone.) 

Nausea

Now my case may be different because the doctors keep telling me my nausea shouldn’t have gone on as long as it did and that I need to go see a Gastroenterologist ASAP but that’s a different story for a different post. Nausea was my worst and most persistent symptom to date. The kind of nausea you may feel will be persistent. I woke up nauseous to the point of my mouth salivating as though I were about to vomit everyday for about 2-2.5 weeks. This never settled. There was never a time my mouth was not salivating, I had to begin keeping paper cups at my desk to spit the residual saliva into throughout the day because it never subsided. One day, I had a salad for lunch from Panera even though I wasn’t hungry, I knew I should try to eat something. (By this time, my throat had made some progress and I could swallow some whole things.) I immediately regretted that decision when I lay in bed at midnight holding my stomach like the world was ending. I was so nauseous that I couldn’t get myself together enough to even get out of bed. The thing that makes the nausea symptom so bad (for me) is that it never made be actually vomit, it just created the sensation of needing to. Eventually, I broke down and stuck a straw down my throat just to alleviate the symptom a bit and threw up the salad, and it didn’t even look like it’d been digested properly. That made the nausea go away for the night, and after that I gave up eating anything solid hoping that would prevent any future nausea, spoiler alert: I was wrong. My salivating mouth picked up right where it left off, it was as though all I went through the night before didn’t even matter. My stomach was empty and still nauseated. That night, the nausea was so bad that I just knew something was off and I drove myself to the ER (Note: I drive myself to the ER that is less than 10-minutes away all the time to save money on an ambulance, if you feel you are not safe to drive, dial 911, it is better to just pay the ambulance than cause an accident and make your situation worse than it already is.). When I got there, I was beyond exhausted, nauseous, dizzy, I just felt like I was dying. The doctor brought me back, took my vitals, asked the usual questions. I told him about the nausea, the Mono diagnosis, he said he wanted me to get a temporary room while he ran some tests. I got a room and a nurse came in and gave me a shot of Zofran for the nausea that did absolutely nothing. It was so bad that when he came back in, I asked for Ipecac or a straw to induce vomiting again. Alarmed, he said they wanted to avoid me vomiting and gave me an additional shot of Zofran. That helped that time, but I still just felt overall terrible. The doctor came in later and told me my potassium levels were extremely low, explaining the extreme fatigue and dizziness, that my liver was swollen from the Mono, and that the nausea was alarming and he would be admitting me for treatment. I was shocked that this virus had done such a number on me. My throat had even worsened and was now even more swollen and painful than it was before (I hadn’t gotten the 20mg prednisone script yet.). I spent 2 days with an IV in my arm, eating mushy foods and sleeping in the hospital. I had to take off work because I was in no shape to even drive there, let alone get anything done. After the 2 days went by, I actually felt back to my normal self! I was so fucking happy to exist and not feel like dying after weeks of wanting to that I went home and started cleaning my room. I had let it get atrocious from not feeling well or feeling like doing anything besides sleeping. Shortly after I began, the fatigue kicked in, the only symptom to never leave, and I sat my ass down and watched Rick & Morty with Sebastia and went to sleep instead, which was probably the safer bet. Fast forward 8 nausea-free days, and guess what’s back??? It’s tolerable now, but still an extreme nuisance. I get my Zofran prescription and it does didly fucking squat to alleviate the nausea. I call the Urgent Care that diagnosed me and ask if there’s anything stronger for nausea and they tell me all the stronger shit will have me bedbound and loopy. Bills gotta get paid so we can’t have that. So that night, in a moment of nauseous desperation, I took double the dosage of the Zofran to alleviate the discomfort. Now, I understand I shouldn’t have done this, but I was DESPERATE and afterward, I felt great. It was the first time the medicine had done wtf the doctors said it would do and the way it was supposed to: quick, fast and in a motherfucking sprint. So I stupidly called the Urgent Care to ask them about the nausea medicine again (I have such a good relationship with this UC for some reason, probably because I hate my primary.) and told them what I’d done the night before and that I was now out of nausea meds and needed a refill before it came back, which was all true. Jessica, the nurse I always saw, was alarmed and spoke to the doctor on duty there, and told them about what I did. Then they cut me off and said to go ask my Primary for the refill because I’ve been utilizing them way too much (long story short). But she also said that I shouldn’t need that much Zofran and something else is going on and I need to be seen by a Gastro. That $40 co-pay appointment is still pending. Andddd I’ve been nausea-free for about a week now, but as I type this, my mouth just began salivating so it looks like I’m gonna be dealing with that again soon. Fuck.

Dizziness

My dizziness didn’t come full force until about 4 days ago (Week 4). I was out at a shopping center getting groceries and while I was parking at a nearby Dunkin Donuts, the world legit started slanting. I felt like I’d been drugged all of a sudden. My skin felt cold and clammy, everything felt out of focus and I immediately needed to lie down. Luckily, it came right after I’d put my car in park and had the opportunity to put my seat back and do so. I waited about 10 minutes maybe, and then I felt ok enough to get out and go get some food because I thought I was just hungry because I hadn’t eaten yet. Even standing in line and waiting for the food afterward was difficult. I had to sit down or else I’d fall down. I got back in my car and ate and laid down again, went back to the store to get eggs I forgot to grab before, and on the walk back to my car almost walked into another parked car. Of course, people saw and probably thought I was drunk or something. I was embarrassed but didn’t have the motor skills energy to explain the situation of feeling like I was in 2 bodies at once. This symptom has come and gone as it pleases, but luckily after a good 2-hour nap that day when I got home, I felt alot better. 

Poor Appetite

While battling this virus, I have lost 10 pounds and still counting in the past 4 weeks. While it’s great to fit into clothes I was once too thick to get past my thighs, it is not the way I wanted to lose the weight. In the beginning, I always felt full no matter what, which made me not want to eat, combined with the nausea, it made eating something I just wasn’t in the mood to ever do. This went on for weeks, which caused the weight loss. I learned later that my swollen liver pressing against my stomach is what caused the sensation of fullness, hence, not ever feeling like I should eat. Now, my appetite has returned, and I’ve been eating nothing but starchy, fatty nonsense my diet never would’ve allowed before I got sick. And even with all the newfound calories I’ve been non-stop digesting (seriously guys, pizza 5 days straight, bread bowls, bacon egg and cheese croissants, cheesecake, donuts...) I’m still shedding pounds. My Gold’s Gym Membership is gathering dust because I can’t go workout with my body still always in fatigue-mode and it’s probably just not kosher to do with this kind of virus. My mom said I should celebrate for now until it becomes a cause for concern later, but I think I should probably be concerned now since the earlier you find something out the better health-wise. I lowkey did some research and think I might have Hepatitis-C from the virus, which is curable, but sucks all the same if I’m right. I inherited my mother’s extremely poor immune system, so I really wouldn’t be surprised. I’ll post before and after photos of my weight loss separately, don’t want Tumblr turning me into the Face of Mono™ because of this post. 

Swollen Lymph Nodes

This was one of the lesser symptoms that went away by week 2-2.5. They are definitely sensitive and noticeable. I found that icing them alleviated a lot of the discomfort and made it tolerable, but overall, these were the least of my worries.

If you experience any of these symptoms or think you may have Mono, definitely get yourself checked out. They can do a rapid test at any Urgent Care or ER and let you know during your visit if you have it. This shit is not a joke. I’m still dealing with the symptoms right now and have no inclination of when they will be gone. The literature says anywhere from a few weeks to a year, I’m praying for the initial option but I have no way of knowing for sure. I say all this to say, pay attention to and know your body, guys. You only get one. 

[purplesurveys]

924

Do you have a taste in your mouth right now? What of? Just the faint taste of coffee since I have a cup at the moment but haven’t drunk from it in the last few minutes. Which is your least favourite day of the week? I’ve lost the concept of the days of the week for a few months now, man. Back when we used to do things, though, I hated Sundays as I felt loneliest on that day. It was always an automatic thing too so I had little control over it. If told to clean the house, would you be more inclined to clean one room really well or clean all of the rooms with hardly any effort? Clean all rooms with maximum effort. I’d be really bugged if I didn’t strive to be perfect with the whole place lol. Do you put glue on the object you're sticking down or on the paper? Object, so that the amount of glue I’m putting would be accurate. What was your last dream about? I don’t remember the details anymore but at the very least, I know it was very vivid since I remembered it throughout the morning. I’ve been having very detailed dreams lately – it’s the depression for sure. 

What is your favourite part of the last movie you watched? Haven’t seen a movie in a while but the last thing I watched in full was The Crown; Vanessa Kirby as Princess Margaret really shone through in the last episode I saw. Have you stuck any stickers to the computer you're using? I put all my stickers onto my laptop case but not the laptop itself. I haven’t had the case on for a while now though, since I’m always just at home now. Do you ever write or talk to yourself in your head when you're bored? Yes or when I’m feeling upset, as long as I’m alone. I’ve found that talking to myself is a healthy way to address and deal with my emotions. What interests you the most about other people? What I find interesting always varies. I have friends who I find interesting for their music tastes; some others for their knowledge of random trivia; some for their jobs, etc. It’s always different. Do you ever take random pictures out of boredom? What of? Not really. If I take photos it’s because I want to remember a moment or because I find something cute or funny. Basically anything that elicits a strong emotion out of me, I’m bound to take a picture of. Do you prefer listening to things through headphones or speakers? Headphones. How many siblings do you have? Do you get on with them? I have two siblings. I only get along with my sister; I have not talked to my brother since last year and have no desire to again. Would you rather live in a log cabin or a brick house? Mmm I’d take the brick house. Log cabin would be nice for a quick getaway, but I wouldn’t want it to be my permanent home. There’s a psychological factor in there and I just think that staying in a log cabin would make me feel suffocated eventually, haha. Do you have a calendar up for this year? I have a ‘Job Applications’ calendar that I’m currently monitoring, and it tracks the applications I’ve sent out to different companies and how long I’ve been waiting for a response from each of them. Really needing some positive vibes and energy since I actually just got my first rejection notice today. Other than that this year has been pretty fucking boring and there’s been little need to keep an active calendar. What was the very first CD you bought? The first CD I remember asking my parents to buy for me was like the High School Musical official soundtrack. I was big on Disney as a kid and wasn’t a big fan of any solo acts or bands up until I was around 10. Do you keep things like old train tickets, etc? Yessssssss. Do you like your smile? Why (not)? I like it; I find my smile friendly and warm. I just hate smiling with my teeth at the present since one of my front teeth protrudes. Can’t wait to get braces again. Would you rather be able to sing or dance? Why? Dance. Dancers are super hot, lmao. What was your favourite colour when you were a kid? Do you still like it? It was purple/violet and it was mostly influenced by my great-grandma who lovedddd the color and had it everywhere in her home. When she passed away, my love for the color slowly faded away and I don’t think too much of it now. Have you ever said 'lol' in real life? Haha yeah sometimes. I pronounce it as ‘lohl’ and never ‘el oh el’ though. Do you like your friend's parents? I like most of their parents, though I’m aware that some have abusive tendencies. Most of the parents are super nice, though. JM’s mom cooked a big lunch for us once and his dad buys like four party-sized boxes of pizza every time we come over, Angela’s parents treat me like their own kid, Gab’s mom constantly tells me she loves me...it’s in the little things. How many times have you moved? I can remember just the two times, but I know that we moved several times more when I was an infant. Have you ever refused to try a certain food? Which? Most stuff with fruits, hah. Sometimes it’s unavoidable, like when a sushi roll has mango or if I’m having banoffee pie, but I almost always refuse a meal with some kind of fruit in it. What's your favourite type of soup? Not really big on soup. I just like miso. Very occasionally I’ll have mushroom soup too. What is your favourite candle scent? I don’t buy candles nor do I know people who regularly get them, so I’m not very familiar with the different scents. Does the sight of blood make you feel ill? In real life, it would. I always have to look away whenever Gabie gets a nosebleed ha. But I have no problem watching bloody wrestling matches and I actually enjoy the bloodier ones. Super weird quirk of mine. What do you call it when you're sick anyways? (Sick, ill, not well, etc) If I’m referring to a fever I call it sick/ill/not feeling well. If I feel like throwing up I say I’m getting dizzy/need to vomit. I’ve never referred to puking as ‘getting sick,’ and it took me a very long time to realize that it was a common American saying, haha. Did you ever really believe in the tooth fairy? I did, and I felt super betrayed when I put my tooth under my pillow only to see it again the next morning. If you had to appear in a movie, which genre would you choose? Coming of age. What do you do with unwanted gifts? I keep them, since I still appreciate the effort of the gift-giver. Are there any clothes you haven't worn in ages, that you've suddenly started wearing again? HAHA yes. There will be rare instances where I get to go out and I always take the time to look stylish as all fuck, even though I’m only running an errand and wearing flashier pieces would be so unnecessary. I just miss dressing up and looking cute, man. Do any keys on your keyboard stick? Like, if they’re sticky? No. Would you rather own a laptop or a computer? Laptop. Love it when things are portable. Do you think you'll look at old photos of yourself and be embarrassed? My teenage years are definitely bad especially with regard to my fashion choices lol, but so are everyone else’s so I’m not super embarrassed. I cringe at the photos but I wouldn’t mind if my friends poked fun at them because chances are I’d join in too. What was the worst hairstyle you ever had? I always hated it whenever my mom took me to the salon to have my hair rebonded. That kind of look has never worked with my face shape and so I usually did everything for my hair to start curling up quicker and go back to its original form. Do you like t-shirts with sayings on them? Why (not)? Not really. It’s just not a personal preference. I like plain or slightly printed pieces. Do you click on the adverts at the side of the screen? No. Have you ever coughed and sneezed at the same time? I’m sure it’s happened before. Are you embarrassed to show people your ID photo? Nah. Whatever dude. Have / would you ever become a cheerleader? I haven’t, but I would have loved to. We don’t have a cheerleading club or varsity in my old school though so I was never able to hone my skills, if ever. What's the longest you've gone without eating? Maybe a little more than 24 hours. What is one of your biggest irrational fears? Commercials airing at night. I find jingles and graphic effects unsettling by a certain hour lol. What comes up when you press Ctrl + V? “I reeeeally miss seeing you and your purple things and seeing you give glares to people who deserve it. what a lodi <333” omg aw. It’s Jane’s birthday today and I copied that bit of my greeting to move it to another paragraph so that my message would flow better. Out of the bands you listen to, were most of them around before or after you were born? After. When did you last jump out of fright? I don’t remember. Are you currently waiting on something? What? For a company to take me in. Does time pass slowly or quickly when you're on the internet? Usually it’s quickly, but now that I feel more and more useless around the house, time’s been more slow and for the first time the distractions of the internet haven’t been working. What about when you're at school / work? Depended on the amount of stuff I had to do and whether I’m enthusiastic about them or not. Does the thought of being pregnant gross you out? The thought of giving birth does, but not pregnancy. What was the last thing you made with your hands? I mean I made myself a cup of coffee tonight, but the coffee mix itself was already pre-packaged. I just mixed it with hot water. Are you good at making shadow puppets? I’d say no. Are you more hungry or thirsty right now? Neither. I’ve been so anxious and depressed these days I’m actually skipping every single meal except dinner, and even then I eat very little. I don’t even do it on purpose; my anxiety has simply stopped me from feeling hungry. No idea what the weighing scale’s gonna tell me the next time I check, sigh. Someone hire me plz. God it really sucks being a fresh grad in this current state of the world. Are you prone to headaches? No. They only come out during hectic schedules and stressful weeks. Do you forget things easily? The little and everyday things, like forgetting my school ID at home or where I placed my keys. But I don’t forget things that are more bigger-picture, like birthdays or faces or memories. Do you enjoy going out to dinner? I enjoy it and I terribly miss being able to do it. Would you ever go on a cruise ship holiday? I would and I have. Lots of fun. Would do again and again. What's your favourite sea animal? Dolphins and whales. Do you get coughs or colds more? Coughs.

[johaerys-writes]

OC Interview

I was tagged by @faerieavalon! Ma’serannas, lethallan!

Tagging: @thesaltyhealer (for Yin :D), @schoute, @pikapeppa @dickeybbqpit , @midnightprelude, @badpriestessofbuttsburgh, @welcome-to-gaydas, @tessa1972, @andrasste and anyone else who would like to play!

This beautiful, incredible, amazing art of my boy Tristan is by my beloved Keeper @thesaltyhealer- Sedai! Just assume that he is at the Herald’s Rest, drink in hand, and looking at the interviewer exactly like that. LMAO

1. What’s your name?

Tristan Remy Trevelyan.

2. Do you know why you are named that?

My father was an avid reader of poetry. Tristan de Lydes was one of his favourite poems. As for my middle name… [sighs] Can we just say that my mother is rather fond of dreadful Orlesian names and leave it at that?

3. Are you single or taken?

[scowls at the interviewer] I don’t see what that has to do with this interview.

4. Have any abilities or powers?

If you consider rotten luck a power, I guess I’ve got it. [sips on his drink, looking bored]

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

What did you just call me? A Mary- what? [frowns] I’ve been called a lot of things, but “Mary” has never been one of them. I’ll give you that.

6. What’s your eye color?

Blue.

7. How about your hair color?

That should be obvious to anyone with eyes.

8. Have any family members?

[frown gets deeper] I… yes. My mother. Can we stop talking about my family now?

9. Oh? How about any pets?

Not really. Never been any good at taking care of living things.

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like.

Being pestered with endless questions. How about you?

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

Does Wicked Grace count as a hobby? I’m rather good at that. Oh, and drinking. I can name any drink in Thedas by smell with my eyes closed. [Varric and Dorian snicker from across the room] What? It’s true!

12. Have you hurt anyone in any way before?

[scowls and fixes the interviewer with a hard stare] How about we move on to the next question? I don’t have all day. I have things to do, you know. Inquisition business, and… all that. [takes a large sip from his drink]

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

I don’t know if you’ve been told, but killing people is sort of my job now. [glances about him, muttering under his breath] If I find out who arranged this blasted interview…

14. What kind of animal are you?

I do like horses. But if I had to choose, it would have to be one that dislikes pointless questions.

15. Name your worst habits?

[chuckles breathily and rubs the back of his neck] Got a lot of those. Let’s see…

[Dorian, from across the room] He never folds his clothes!

[blushes furiously] You… what?! How do you even know that? I do fold my clothes! Usually. Occasionally. Most days. [sighs] Can we please move on?

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

[glances at Dorian. A small, imperceptible smile curls his lips.] I, uh…yes. I do.

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?

[glares at interviewer until they ask next question]

18. Do you go to school?

[scoffs] School? School for what? Is that some sort of provincial joke I’m too worldly to understand? [gets serious again and clears his throat, readjusting himself in his seat] Anyway, to answer your question, I was tutored at home when I was younger.

19. Ever want to marry and have any kids one day?

[laughs] Kids? Me? No. I don’t think that would be wise.

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?

Is that when someone follows you around, asks for your signature, gives you no peace, that sort of thing? Well, then, Lady Josephine might be my biggest fangirl yet.

21. What are you most afraid of?

[sips on his drink] That I’ll run out of this brandy, for one. I found it during an expedition at the Storm Coast, hidden under a cask washed up by the beach. Tantervale, by the looks of it. Exquisite. I mean, Fereldan ale is good and all, but nothing beats good Free Marcher spirits. Especially those Starkhaven malt whiskeys, aged in oak barrels…[clears throat] Sorry, you were saying?

22. What do you usually wear?

[gestures at plain white shirt, leather breeches and boots] This, I guess? I don’t care very much, as long as it does the job.

23. What one food tempts you?

I’ll never say no to a nice berry tart.

24. Am I annoying you?

[rolls eyes] Why, no, of course not. Please, do go on.

25. Well, it’s still not over!

*drinking intensifies*

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?

[raises his left hand] It doesn’t really matter anymore, now, does it? But if you have to know… I was raised in nobility.

27. How many friends do you have?

[glances about the tavern. Dorian flashes him a wide smile. A light flush creeps up his cheeks as he returns to the interviewer.] I’m lucky to say that I have a few. Now.

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

[leans forward and lowers his voice] Alright, you didn’t hear this from me, but Fereldans seriously need to stop making pies. If I eat another one of those cursed meat pies, I might actually vomit. What is that crust made of, anyway? Dried plaster or something?

29. Favourite drink?

Brandy? Tea with brandy? Anything with brandy, really.

30. What’s your favourite place?

Anywhere where there’s no rabid beasts wanting to eat me for lunch. Or trees. Or flowers. They give me terrible allergies, you see. In short, a city would do just fine.

31. Are you interested in anyone?

What is this interview for, again?

32. That was a stupid question…

[glares, then rolls eyes]

33. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

I like the ocean. The smell of sea water always reminds me of home. Of the good times, at least.

34. What’s your type?

My type of what?

35. Any fetishes?

[narrows eyes] Ah, I see. So that’s what this interview is for.

36. Camping indoors or outdoors?

[scoffs] You jest, right? After visiting the Hinterlands, I don’t think I’ll be making the mistake of camping outdoors again any time soon. I mean, trees? Everywhere, trees? What the hell is that place? [proceeds to flip table and walk away]