#anyway enjoy :) i love him i have 800+ pictures cause every second he was on screen i spammed the screenshot button

[todayisafridaynight]

can you please post more caps of hijikata. i need to see more of him for my health

ALWAYS happy to provide more caps of my mans anon and if you ever want more i have a whole google drive folder dedicated to just caps of him :)

[dovechim]

bam! you got scammed! 01 (m)

➾ 10k

➾ warnings: excessive mentions of cum, mentions of unsanitary usage of cum, squirting dildo, cam girl/ cam boy AU, male masturbation, oral (m receiving), dirty talk, slight slut shaming, unprotected sex, creampie 

➾  summary: some might say it's unethical. some might even say you’re a scammer. in this dog eats dog world, the line between right and wrong is a grey area indeed. but as a cam girl, there’s no such thing as work ethic, at least not to you. 

jeon jeongguk learns the hard way when he falls for your scam, but you can be sure he isn’t about to let you get away with this. 

➾ a/n: first of all, i truly apologise for using two gifs. i couldn’t, for the life of me, find a better gif of jeon when he’s pissed off and he does THAT thing with his tongue. you all know what I'm talking about. i hate myself so much because i had to look at so many pictures of jeon while searching for that second gif T___T

anyway, this is the first fic i’ve written where i stopped so many times and asked myself, what the hell am i writing? is this too weird?? but i am thankful for the friends i talked to and the encouragement they gave me :”) it got so long that i had to split it into two parts. the second part will be uploaded next week! 

♡♡♡

Blinking red hearts on the top left of your computer screen. A red dot indicating that your webcam is on and currently filming. Numbers that climb higher and higher by the second, accompanied by a never ending stream of comments in the sidebar.  And every now and then, a bright, happy chime that indicates someone has donated to your stream.

From your point of view, this is all that you see as you spread your legs wider, making sure the camera can capture all the mess that you’ve been making of yourself for the past hour. Your cute bunny hat slips down your forehead as you stroke the dildo in and out of yourself faster, watching the influx of comments praising you and urging you on.

cherry_chim013: whose cum is it this time? jackedasjeon: mine, of course jackedasjeon: it IS mine, right? handfulofhobi: not likely… we all know you don’t have that much cum considering how much u jerk off cherry_chim013: hahhaahfsd shit my dick slipped out of my hand jackedasjeon: SHUT UP jackedasjeon: how do u even jerk off with such a tiny dick?

“Oh come on guys… don’t fight,” you pout, sticking out your lower lip as you take the opportunity to rest your arm for a moment. “I’m sure jackedasjeon’s load is more than satisfying. I’d love to find out for myself one day…”

Normally, with the amount of comments that fly past, you have a hard time reading each and every one while trying to look sexy getting yourself off, but since these three subscribers happen to be your top contributors, their usernames are specially highlighted, and their comments are pinned in place for a few seconds.

handfulofhobi: does that mean it isn’t his?? cherry_chim013: HEY! my dick isn’t small, thank u very much

“I can vouch for cherrychim,” you giggle as you take out the dildo currently buried in your pussy. “I’d say he could give this one a run for its money?”

jackedasjeon: stop playing around babygirl jackedasjeon: i don’t care whose it is anymore jackedasjeon: i just want to see you cum

“Someone’s a little impatient tonight?” You raise an eyebrow at his demanding and insistent messages. “I haven’t even revealed whose cum it is yet… I got such a surprise when I went to pick up the package a few days ago. You gave me SO MUCH cum! Don’t worry, I didn’t spill any while transferring it in here.”

Your sentence ends with a giggle as you hide your face behind your hand, pretending to be embarrassed. Just then, a chime comes from your computer.

jackedasjeon has donated 500 coins!

You sit up a little straighter. ‘jackedasjeon’ has always been a consistent contributor to your streams, starting off with smaller amounts, but this is the most he’s ever given you. You give a little smooch to the camera as you sink the dildo into your pussy all the way, your face screwed up as it bottoms out inside you.

“Ah, it feels so much bigger today, I don’t know why,” you frown in confusion as you continue to fuck yourself. “Thank you jackedasjeon! Who knows… maybe you’ll get lucky next time? But for today, I’m very pleased to reveal that this huge load of cum that’s about to go in my pussy belongs to…”

You pause and reach for the shipping label that you had torn off, address and personal information scribbled out with black marker, leaving only the username visible. Showing it to the camera, you pause for a few seconds, making sure everyone has time to see what’s written on it.

“… handfulofhobi!” Your bright grin grows even wider as the subscriber conveys his delight with a hefty donation of 1000 coins. “Now now, don’t sulk, jackedasjeon. You too, cherrychim! There’s always a next time!”

You put the label away and lean closer to the camera as you start to whine and pant, inching closer and closer to your orgasm. In the midst of this, you read out several other random subscriber’s names in an effort to make everyone feel included. Then, your other hand reaches for the pump beside you, and as your walls clench around the dildo, you press it hard a few times, causing cum to spurt out of the head of the dildo and fill you up.

“It’s so thick… thank you hobi,” you giggle as you slow down your thrusting, reaching to redirect the camera in between your legs. The sheer amount of cum inside you makes everything so much sloppier, and soon the white liquid starts to leak out of you, turning frothy due to your thrusts. Still squeezing the other end to drain all the cum inside the dildo, you lazily push it in and out of your cunt. “You filled me up so well… thank you! I can only imagine what it’d be like to have you cumming inside me for real…”

You end off with a sigh, bringing your fingers down to play with your messy slit as you let the dildo slip out of you. Brushing your clit a few times, you make slightly tortured noises of overstimulation that your viewers love and enjoy, all in the name of putting up a show for them.

After a few minutes, you push the camera back so that your entire body is in the frame once more. You gather the sticky cum that stains your thighs, though it doesn’t do much more than spread it around. Pushing one finger into your mouth, you lick and suck the cum from it while maintaining eye contact with the camera, watching the comments suddenly surge.

While you read the comments, you reach for the dildo and suck around the head of it, squeezing the leftover cum inside it onto your tongue and playing with it, letting it drip down your chin onto your cleavage, covered by your pink lace bra.

cherry_chim013 has donated 400 coins! seojoonie has donated 100 coins! handfulofhobi has donated 800 coins! darkhorse015 and three others have donated a total of 400 coins! seojoonie: the best streamer on this fucking site seojoonie: you’d take my cock so well cherry_chim013: FUCK, that’s so hot cherry_chim013: i came all over myself handfulofhobi: oh my god handfulofhobi: it’d be my pleasure to fill u up in person baby jackedasjeon: push it inside you more babygirl jackedasjeon: don’t let a single drop go to waste jackedasjeon: if i were there i’d fuck it back into u

jackedasjeon: i’m still so hard

“Your pleasure is mine, cherrychim,” you giggle, resting your hand on your belly with your legs still wide open. “Today’s stream was made possible by the wonderful handfulofhobi… thank you so much! To everyone else, thank you for taking time to watch me. It was my pleasure,” you blow a kiss to the camera as you start to do your signature outro.

“As always, remember to like and subscribe to my channel if you liked what you saw! And turn on notifications so you’ll know every time I stream. For a chance to fill me with your cum next week, don’t forget to check out the link in the description box! Bye bye!”

You send a last kiss toward the camera before you turn it off for good, seeing the red light dim before you close your legs, grimacing at how sticky and disgusting you feel. Just as you are reaching for a baby wipe to clean up first, a notification pops up on your screen.

✉ jackedasjeon is requesting to send you a private message! ✉

Accept or Reject

You force a smile onto your face. Can’t reject one of your top subscribers, after all. They make up almost half of your monthly income from this site. The only reason why he’s able to even private message you in the first place. You sigh as you click accept, and a chat window pops up.

jackedasjeon is typing… jackedasjeon: i’m still hard… jackedasjeon sent you an image

♡

Jeon Jeongguk stares eagerly at his computer screen for a reply, grey sweatpants pushed down to his knees as he lounges at his computer table. Sure, he’d just stroked his cock for over an hour to his favourite cam girl, and that usually does the trick, but somehow today he can’t get it off. Too many horny bastards in the chatroom talking about how hard their dicks are and how much cum they’d pump her full of.

All just getting in the way of him enjoying his favourite cam girl. He really hit the jackpot when he stumbled upon your stream one lonely, horny weekday after class. You drew him in and captivated him immediately with your satin pink hair, glowing skin, wide, innocent eyes and always with that tantalising cleavage bouncing around on screen. No matter what kind of lewd things you did on screen, you always kept your corset top on, emphasising your tiny waist and making Jeon Jeongguk imagine how he’d wrap his hands around it as he makes your breasts bounce.

But more than that, watching your streams makes him feel like he knows you. Your soft voice, the sound of your laughter, and even when you aren’t doing anything lewd, just talking about your day or what you had for lunch, it makes him feel like he knows you in real life. Sometimes while listening to a lecture or working out, Jeongguk likes to turn on your streams and just hear the sound of your voice to keep him company.

He desperately hopes that you’ll entertain his request even though you officially ended the stream, and you limit your online activity to just that one time a week. Despite that, you easily maintain your position at the top of the leaderboard. It’s probably because you’re the first ever cam girl to offer such a service: each week, one lucky platinum subscriber gets a chance to send you a load (or two!) of cum and watch you fuck yourself full of it with your squirting dildo.

Jeongguk hasn’t had the chance, but after today’s stream, he feels more than hopeful. Just as he’s about to add on to the dick picture he sent, something appears on the screen.

meringuebaby is typing…

Jeongguk does a fist pump, his eyes lighting up in excitement. He rushes to delete the ‘i sent u my dick, pls respond?’ currently in the textbox.

meringuebaby: the stream not enough for you? meringuebaby: im not losing my touch am i…? T__________T

Jeongguk scrambles to type a reply back, his hands shaking. He can’t believe that you would even give him the time of day. You, the top streamer on this site, the hottest cam girl he’s ever seen in his entire life (ok, so he’s only watched your streams so far, but that doesn’t affect his ability to make objective judgements!), is private messaging him!

jackedasjeon: no no! never, babygirl jackedasjeon: i just needed a bit more help today… jackedasjeon: u’ll help me wont u? meringuebaby: of course i will… you’re my favourite subscriber ^^♡

Jeongguk’s heart skips a beat, and his cock throbs as he rushes to type a reply back onehanded. An onset of pictures interrupts him though, and he opens them one by one to savour them.

They are obviously just taken, and Jeongguk’s dick twitches at the thought of you taking these pictures just for him. The fact that no one else but him has access to these pictures, out of the millons of subscribers you have, makes him even harder. As he strokes his cock to images of your cum filled pussy, your perfect ass and your oh so innocent pout, he cums all over himself, pulling his shirt up just in time so he doesn’t stain it.

“Shit,” he swears under his breath as he pants, struggling to type a reply back to you.

jackedasjeon: my baby always knows exactly what i need jackedasjeon: i came so hard jackedasjeon: your pussy is so perfect

“… Jeon, how many times do I have to call you? Dinner is read- OH MY GOD!” Seokjin immediately covers his eyes and wails. “W-why didn’t you lock the god damn door? I need fucking first aid, your one eyed monster just massacred the entire human race—”

Jeongguk rolls his eyes as he reaches for his phone to snap a pic of his cum stained abs to send to you, along with a short message thanking you. He doesn’t even bother to hide his slowly softening dick as Seokjin continues to wail about how his mental health will now take a turn for the worse, his crops will die and he’ll get kicked out of school.

meringuebaby: welcome baby, your pleasure is my pleasure ^^ meringuebaby: wow, that’s a lot of cum… shame it had to go to waste T_________T meringuebaby: i really hope you’ll get lucky next week xoxo

meringuebaby is now offline.

Jeongguk is grinning at his screen like a fool, softened dick still out and sweatpants still pooled at his feet.

Yoongi is in the midst of carting a tray of food back to his room when he catches sight of this. Seokjin is still wailing and complaining in the hallway.

“meringuebaby again?” Yoongi glances at Jeongguk’s screen, not half as bothered by Jeongguk’s nudity as Seokjin is.

“Yeah! Hyung, she private messaged with me! Said I was her favourite subscriber!” Jeongguk is practicing bouncing up and down with joy, his bunny smile lighting up his entire face.

Yoongi still seems unimpressed, though he does raise an eyebrow when he sees just how much Jeongguk has donated to your stream today. “What does she do again?”

“She lets one subscriber send her his cum every week. Then during her livestream she fucks herself with her squirting dildo and fills herself up with that subscriber’s cum,” Jeongguk rushes to explain, directing Yoongi’s attention to the leaderboard at the top of the page. “She’s the top streamer even though she only goes live once a week!”

Jeongguk takes the time to finally tuck himself back into his sweatpants and wipe the cum off his abs with a tissue as Yoongi scrutinises the page with a doubtful frown. “She… what now?”

“She lets—“ Jeongguk is about to go into his whole tirade again when Seokjin, finally unfrozen from his state of shock in the hallway, regains his senses when he no longer sees Jeongguk’s exposed dick.

“What?? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” he laughs as he approaches cautiously, as if Jeongguk’s dick might spring out at any time now. “First of all, that’s disgusting as fuck. Second of all, um… STD risk? Hello??”

Yoongi remains quiet as Jeongguk jumps to his favourite streamer’s defense with a petulant whine. “Ah Jin-hyung!You might think it’s gross, but her thousands of subscribers obviously don’t. And meringuebaby isn’t dumb, of course she makes us send her our test results too!”

“She probably doesn’t even know you exist,” Seokjin rolls his eyes as he walks away.

“She does! She said I’m her favourite subscriber!” Jeongguk calls out after the older man. Then he turns to Yoongi. “Isn’t she pretty?”

“She’s hot,” Yoongi admits with a simple nod. “The premise and all… very intriguing. I mean, lots of men love seeing cum filled pussy. But having the chance to have their cum featured on stream? She definitely hit a jackpot right there…”

Jeongguk beams with pride as he gazes at your profile picture at the top of the leaderboard.

“… but you’re totally getting scammed, dude.”

Jeongguk whips his head to turn and look at Yoongi. “What?”

Yoongi only laughs. “There’s no way she’s actually putting a stranger’s cum inside her like that. Even if she makes all of you send in test results, how can she be sure that they’re not fabricated? How can she be sure that it’s not someone else’s test results?”

“No way,” Jeongguk argues back with the utmost determination. “meringuebaby would never do that.”

Yoongi only sighs. When Jeongguk gets like this, there’s almost no way to convince him that he’s wrong. He’s one of the most stubborn people Yoongi has ever met. But that doesn’t stop Yoongi from saying his piece.

“Have you ever seen her actually pour the cum into her dildo?”

“…no, she always starts the stream right to the point. She’s already fucking herself when she comes online.” Jeongguk says in a small voice, but he defiantly pushes his chin up. “She probably doesn’t want to show us the boring stuff, that’s all!” And then a thought strikes him. “She always shows us the shipping label of the package!”

“That doesn’t prove anything, dude,” Yoongi only sighs at the youngest’s naivety. “She probably mixes up a batch of fake cum and loads it in. The consistency is way different, but you can’t tell when it’s in someone’s pussy. That’s how they do it in the porn industry too.”

Jeongguk is very quiet for a moment as he thinks about all the times he’s seen you fuck yourself with your beloved purple squirting dildo. It can’t be fake. You wouldn’t do something like that. Besides… besides! Jeongguk sits up straight with a sudden brain wave.

“Hyung!” He says with such a thunderous shout that even Yoongi, unbothered and unperturbed even if the sky were to come crashing down, jumps a little at the sheer volume. “The cum she uses every stream. They’re always different consistencies. Some thick, some super thin and watery, and some are just globs. If it was really fake cum, they’d all be the same consistency wouldn’t it? This just proves that they’re all from different men!”

Yoongi rolls his eyes. Jeongguk may be a cum connoisseur alright, but he isn’t exactly the brightest crayon in the box. He pats Jeongguk’s back a few times with a pitying smile. “You know what… as long as you’re happy. As long as it makes you happy.”

Then he leaves the younger man still grinning happily at his computer screen.  Yoongi sighs as he hears the clink of coins signifying Jeongguk making yet another donation to your channel.

♡

“You ended later today,” Irene comments as you walk into the kitchen blindly, holding two cotton pads to your eyes. “Someone give you trouble?”

Ever the motherly figure, Irene has always been against you doing something like this. She always worries that someone might recognise you, especially since you’re one of the few top streamers to show your face openly on camera. But you argue back that there’s no way anyone could possibly recognise you. Not with the four hours you spend doing your makeup in the most ridiculous ways: heavy eye makeup, large, dramatic eyelashes with doll like circle lenses, custom made pink Sailor Moon wig. Most of the time you can’t even recognise yourself when you look in the mirror.

“Not really,” you say, not wanting to go into too much detail about the platinum subscriber who private messaged you, lest you freak Irene out even more.

At first, when she found out what you did as a side job (how could you have known that she’d be back from classes early?!) she had a complete meltdown over how “unsanitary”, “dangerous” and “scary” it was to be putting random strangers’ cum inside you. Not to mention how unsafe it was to be giving out your address on the internet! Until you told her you rented a PO box and showed her your stash of fake cum in the highest cupboard of your room, she was a sobbing mess wailing about how she was going to lose her one and only roommate to a nasty STD or worse, a horny, murderous kidnapper.

Now, sometimes she even helps you mix the cum for your streams when you get too busy to do it yourself. You would have thought that she would be too grossed out at the idea of what it was supposed to be, but she only treats it like a cooking project.

“Aren’t you afraid someone might figure it out one day?” Irene asks as she leaves dinner simmering on the stove to head for the fridge. “That this is all just a scam where you put on five push up bras, cover yourself in makeup, and where you don’t actually…”

Her voice trails off in embarrassment.

You peel off one side of the cotton pad, finding it completely stained with makeup and one false eyelash before peeling off the other. The five push-up bras in question are lying discarded on your bedroom floor, taken off the moment the stream ended.

“No one’s gonna find out unless they make a concerted effort to,” you say disinterestedly as you take off the rest of your makeup. “What I’m selling is an image, a fantasy. Those who believe in it won’t go about deliberately trying to ruin the very one thing that they believe in, the thing that gets them off and helps them escape from reality.”

You say this without an ounce of guilt whatsoever.

“If they really believe this—” you turn around and pluck your violet contact lens out of your eye to illustrate, “— is real, then they’re just fools. Sad, lonely fools.”

Technically, what you’re doing isn’t a scam, because do the guys who watch you still get to cum till their balls are empty? Yes.

Are you still fulfilling their fantasy of filling a stranger up with cum? Yes.

Before you started doing this, back when you had first signed up on the streaming website with only a few subscribers to your name, the top comment you always got was how the men wanted to fill you with their cum.

Why not give people what they want? That’s not a crime. You’re simply leveraging upon the laws of supply and demand (so econs class wasuseful after all!).

“Anyway, I just raked in another four hundred plus today,” you turn around bare faced again, scooping up your glasses and putting them on while grinning at your roommate. “You said you needed some textbooks on Monday right? They’re on me.”

“Oh ______... I can’t! It’s your hard earned money,” Irene hesitates as she scoops out the tofu stew she’d been slaving over for the past hour into bowls. “You should keep it for yourself.”

Irene always helps you with your streams, does your makeup and cooks you dinner even if she’s busy with school. This is the least you can do for her. You frown at her as she hands you a bowl of rice.

“Don’t even argue with me. I already ordered your books online. They’re coming in the next few days.”

Irene sits down opposite you as you start to dig in ravenously, her expression slightly worried, but she covers it up with a genuine smile of thanks. “Just be careful, _______.”

♡

You sit in front of your computer, textbooks open but attention elsewhere entirely.

A part of you slightly regrets being so generous to Irene as you stare at this semester’s tuition fee. Did it go up? Was the amount always this much?

You have barely enough in your bank account to cover it. Not to mention you’d have to miss out paying your portion of rent this month, on top of eating $1 kimbap for every meal if this goes on.

You sigh as you fold the letter in half. Just when you thought you could stop worrying about money so much, life just hits you in the face.

A chime comes from your computer as it lights up, and you click on the email notification from the cam girl website.

✉ jackedasjeon has sent you a private message!✉

Needing to take your mind off your worries for a second, you click to open his message.

jackedasjeon: when are you announcing the details for next week’s stream baby? jackedasjeon: i really hope I get lucky T____T jackedasjeon: i’ve been waiting for sooooo long T_____________T

Reading his messages makes you think about the dick picture he sent you. He’s clearly a well-built guy judging from the veins in his hands and arms, not to mention his generous cock, and last but not least, the cum stained abs that he was trying so very hard to show off. But the tone of his messages makes him sound like a whiny baby, and the thought of such a contrast actually makes you laugh.

Then, an idea strikes you as you click to your homepage and open a new announcement post.

hi cumnoisseurs ♡

how are my lovely icing chefs doing? ^___^♡ uwu

i was thinking of trying something new for next week’s stream! instead of picking a winner randomly (since I think most of you platinum subscribers have already had a chance once), there’ll be a bidding to determine the winner! owo

you can submit your bids on the discussion page! every night at 10pm, i will post the three current highest bidders ^_____^ bids are in increments of 250 coins! the entire bidding period only lasts for three days, so make sure you don’t forget!!

or i’ll be really sad that you wont have a chance to frost my cupcakes… qmq

i’m looking forward to receiving your icing bags uwu

lots of love,

meringuebaby ♡

As you read through your own post, you are cringing so hard from the overly sweet and cute tone that you almost throw up in your own mouth. The overuse of emoticons and ‘uwu’s has you want to wash your eyes out with saline. But this is what your viewers love, it’s the image you have cultivated for yourself, and you have to stick to it.

Sighing, you add a couple more emoticons here and there, deciding that there’s no such thing as overkill, before clicking on submit.

♡

Seokjin is having a nice, pleasant day whipping up some macarons; relishing in the peace and quiet. Having the entire kitchen to himself like this is rare. Usually, Jeon Jeongguk is in here making a mess with his protein shakes, or Min Yoongi is huddled in a chair eating whatever horrendous concoction made from three day leftovers in the fridge.

Seokjin shudders at the thought of that.

But at least with this; with this he can destress yet make some money on the side. It isn’t much, but taking small orders here and there has really added up over the weeks. He even has his own Instagram page where he features the best batches from his weekly bakes, and it really does a lot in attracting new customers.

He cracks one egg, separates the yolks from the whites, then moves to crack the second egg, tipping the yolk to one side of the shell and letting the whites fall into the pristine metal bowl beneath. All through this he can feel the serenity settle deep into his bones, he feels perfectly at ease. This is what he’s meant to do all his life; become the top pastry chef in Korea. His hands move to tilt the shell with the yolk just a little to make sure he gets every drop of egg white possible, when—

“Oh my GOD!!!!!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!!”

— his hand slips, and the yolk falls into the precious reservoir of egg whites down below, contaminating it beyond redemption as it breaks apart upon contact.

Seokjin breathes out in an attempt to control his rage.

“HOLY SHIT!” Jeon Jeongguk’s voice does not stop yelling.

Seokjin wipes his soiled hand onto a paper towel. With resolute steps, he makes his way to the stupid punk’s room, fully intent on teaching him a lesson he won’t soon forget. He shoves open Jeongguk’s door violently, completely forgetting what happened the last time he entered Jeongguk’s room without first knocking.

But luckily this time, he doesn’t end up with an eyeful of Jeongguk’s one eyed monster.

Instead, he finds Jeongguk prostate on the floor, on his knees with his forehead touching the ground as he sobs.

“Thank you thank you thank you…” he is mumbling as he— are those tears on his cheeks?!

Seokjin glances around in alarm. Has the stupid brat finally lost it? Had Seokjin been too harsh on him lately? But asking him to clean up after eating is definitely not too much—

In the midst of his fretting, Seokjin catches a glimpse of Jeongguk’s computer screen. He is currently on the cam girl from last time’s— he doesn’t recall a name— home page. Seokjin reads the top announcement, posted just five minutes ago.

And he is speechless.

“H-hyung… isn’t meringuebaby great?” Jeongguk can barely speak, his voice is choked with tears. “She’s actually giving me a chance now… I don’t have to depend on luck anymore! HYUNG!!! This time I really just might win!!!”

Jeongguk is looking at him with stars in his eyes.

Well, no really, it’s just the tears that are making his eyes shine like that.

“Sh-she calls you all… cumnoisseurs?” Seokjin stutters.

Jeongguk puffs out his chest. “Isn’t she the most creative?”

Seokjin can barely believe his eyes as he turns back to the post. “She wants you to… to… frost her cupcakes? With your...your— icing bags?”

With every word, Seokjin’s voice reaches a higher pitch, until his voice almost breaks on the last word. This is… this is an absolute insult to the pastry chefs who shed blood sweat and tears trying to hone their respected craft. Who spend hours in the kitchen trying to whip up that perfect batch of soft, fluffy and white meringues for their macarons, break their backs trying to ice their cupcakes flawlessly, only for all of it to be turned into some kind of lewd, sexual innuendo by some cam girl.

His face is red with rage. His ears are burning. Seokjin is sputtering with indignance. But he can’t find a single word to say.

“… do you even have that kind of money?” He finally spits out.

All at once, Jeon Jeongguk deflates like a soufflé taken out of the oven too soon.

Seokjin feels a little better seeing this. Who the hell does meringuebaby even think she is—

“I’ll find a way,” Jeongguk is wiping away his tears with one hand, brow set into a determined frown that has Seokjin feeling a little nervous. Whenever he gets this look, it’s a sign that Jeon Jeongguk is about to do something extremely stupid, incredibly reckless and most likely life-endangering. Like that time he fell for that online scam by a Nigerian Princess promising inheritance of the throne in exchange for a few dick pics.

“Wh-what are you going to do?” Seokjin glances at Jeongguk nervously as the youngest pushes himself to his feet with resolution, taking a seat in his desk chair once more.

“I’m going to…” Jeongguk takes a deep breath as he wipes the last of his tears away, clicking open a new browser in his computer. “I’m going to find a part-time job.”

Well. That’s certainly not what Seokjin was expecting. He lets out a sigh of relief. “As long as it makes you happy, Kook-ah. As long as you’re happy.”

Seokjin turns away with a niggling worry in the back of his mind as he hears Jeongguk swear under his breath.

“What the fuck? $250,000 for a kidney??”

♡

The guy beside you keeps sighing. All throughout the lecture, he is scrolling rapidly on his computer, obviously not taking any notes whatsoever. Normally, you would be more than a bit annoyed at being distracted, but today you’re not in any mood to listen either.

Yesterday night you posted the first three top bidders on your page. Strangely enough, and dare you say to your disappointment, jackedasjeon is nowhere to be found. He hasn’t even made a bid on your page. Currently at the top is cherry_chim013 with a bid of 2500 coins, and handfulofhobi is a few places down with a bid of 1,000 coins.

The lecturer announces a five-minute break, and the guy beside you sighs once more. You turn to him with a concerned look, peeking at his screen. “Something wrong?”

He turns to you in slight surprise, black curly hair ruffled and with sleep still in his eyes. “Wh- oh. Nothing. It’s just… why does finding a part-time job have to be so damn hard?”

He slouches in his seat and juts his bottom lip out. You feel a pang of sympathy for him. Before you discovered this cam girl gig, you were in his exact position. Scouring the school’s part time job listing for something that is manageable with a full load of classes, yet pays decently. It’s an almost impossible feat.

“Tuition fee, huh?” You sigh and pat his back in solidarity. “This time of the semester always comes around way too quickly.”

“Uh… yeah… tuition fee’s a goddamn piece of shit,” he says as he rubs the back of his neck with a nervous laugh.

“How much are you short?” You rest your chin on your hand.

“Um…” he bites his lower lip as he meets your eyes, and it strikes you that you’ve never seen such round, innocent doe eyes before. “About… $550 maybe? Or more? I… I don’t know.”

He seems to be in a sorry state— jittery and lacking sleep. Poor thing probably stayed up all night worrying about how to pay his fee; he’s so out of it right now that he can barely even remember how much more he needs. You can empathise with that all too well.

“Di- do you have any good part time jobs to recommend?” He suddenly turns to you, sitting upright in his seat.

You peer at his computer again, garnering his name from his login at the top of the school’s webpage. “Jeongguk, right?”

“Yeah—“ He follows your gaze to his screen, and then he looks at the cover of your notebook. “Any part time gigs to recommend, ______?”

“I’m sorry, I really don’t,” you say truthfully. In fact, this was the entire reason why you resorted to being a cam girl in the first place. It’s just impossible to get by with a part time job that pays so meagrely. “You could… you could tutor? I don’t know of any students you could teach though…”

“Forget it,” Jeongguk says glumly, sinking down in his seat. “Did you know the black market buys kidneys for $250,000?”

“Dude, that’s way too much suffering to go through,” you shake your head vehemently. “I mean, I could never do that.”

“You’re right,” Jeongguk sighs as he mutters to himself, “it’s impossible to get that done in 2 days anyway.”

“Why not try something less painful? Like donating blood!” You turn to him with a sudden brainwave. “It’s for a good cause, and its relatively painless too!”

Jeongguk only shakes his head. “I can’t. I was just getting over a flu earlier this week, and I’m still finishing up the antibiotics…”

You sink back into your chair, wracking your brain in thought. “Then… what about… I know this sounds crazy, but… donating sperm? Like, become a sperm donor?”

Jeongguk immediately rejects your idea. “What? No way. My sperm is way too precious for me to just pour it down the drain like that. Besides, if I do that, then I might not have enough for—“

He stops talking suddenly, and his face grows really red. The tips of his ears follow suit, and you think it’s actually kind of adorable, despite how he seems to be a little simple minded.

“Awww. Does someone want to be a daddy someday?” You grin at him, watching his face grow even redder. “You’ll still have enough sperm even if you donate! Did you know your balls make several million sperm a day— about 1,500 a second??”

Jeongguk is a choking, stuttering mess as he turns away from you and your wholesomeness. There’s a whole other reason why he treasures each and every drop of his cum, and definitely not for the reason you think. Though he wouldlike to have kids someday, but that is entirely besides the point.

You are still going on and on about how much sperm he has in his balls right now, and to his horror, hearing you talk about his balls and his sperm and his cum is actually making him grow harder and harder by the second… if he doesn’t do something to shut you up, soon he’ll have a raging boner right in the middle of a lecture.

“I’ll consider it!” He blurts out, and you stop mid-sentence.

“See, I told you it was a great idea!” You are all smiles, patting him on the back. “Let me know how it goes, friend!”

You grin at him, genuinely happy that he decided to consider your suggestion.

And that’s how you and Jeon Jeongguk become friends.

♡

jackedasjeon’s bid is still nowhere to be seen on the second night. You’re getting a little more worried now, especially since the cherry_chim013’s top bid has now been replaced by kingcrabjoonie with 3000 coins.

You would have thought that he definitely wouldn’t miss out on this chance, seeing as how desperate he’s been lately. Clicking over to his profile out of curiosity, you see that he was last online a few hours ago, but yet he still hasn’t made any bids. Perhaps he’s waiting for the very last day?

Or maybe he’s just some poor lonely guy who doesn’t have that much money at his disposal in such a short notice. A part of you begins to feel bad for making your subscribers pay instead of holding a lucky draw like you always do, but you desperately need the cash.

Besides, doing this would weed out all the broke college students and leave only those with a stable income. You’re well aware that guys your age, guys in the same class as you even, watch your streams, but from a very practical point of view, these guys tend to donate in small amounts, and if you depend on them for a living, you’re out of luck.

After lingering on his profile for a few more minutes, you sigh and close the page entirely, pushing all thoughts of jackedasjeon out of your mind as you force yourself to concentrate on your five-page paper due tomorrow.

♡

“Hey, did you see Jeon today?”

Yoongi plucks out one side of his earphones, currently in the midst of rearranging one of his songs, when Seokjin pokes his head into the room. He glances at the clock and realises that it’s almost dawn. Yoongi rubs his eyes sleepily and stares at the older man, dressed in workout gear and presumably about to head to the gym and pretend to work out, return drenched in sweat (read: splash himself with water in the washroom at the gym) and call it a day.

“Don’t know. He didn’t come back again?” Yoongi saves his work once, twice, and three times.

“No. Normally I wouldn’t give a shit about what that brat does, but…” Seokjin’s voice trails off. “He’s up to something. I just know it. Last I heard was that he needs some six hundred bucks for that cam girl website or whatever—“

“He’ll be fine,” Yoongi says through a barely concealed yawn. “He’s not a kid, you know. Even Jeon Jeongguk has his limits too.”

“I know, but…” Seokjin’s voice is interrupted by the jingling of keys, and then a door opening and closing.

“There, see? He’s back in one piece,” Yoongi points his chin toward the sound of Jeongguk rustling about in the living room, turning back to his computer and pressing play again.

“Yeah, on the outside, but who knows what he’s missing on the inside?” Seokjin mutters to himself as Jeongguk drags his feet down the hallway, looking much more worse for wear than when he started out that morning.

“What happened to you?” Seokjin asks, half dreading the answer. “You didn’t… you still have both your kidneys right? Your liver? Your heart?”

“Your brain?” Yoongi pipes up, not even sparing a glance from his screen. “Oh wait. I forgot you didn’t have that one in the first place.”

“Hyung, you’re the one who doesn’t have a heart,” Jeongguk retorts back, but there’s no bite to his bark at all. The youngest can’t stop yawning, and his eyes can’t stay open for more than a few seconds. “I got it. Hyung, I got it.”

“Got what?” Seokjin asks, flabbergasted, but then Jeongguk pulls out a thick wad of cash. There must be at least $300 there. “Oh my god. You robbed a bank.”

Yoongi glances at what Jeongguk is brandishing proudly for a brief second. “You idiot. If he robbed a bank, he would have stolen way more than that.”

“I got an advance payment at my part-time job, and went to ask for a student loan,” Jeongguk says, his eyes opening wide enough with his signature sparkle for just a moment. “Boss made me work the graveyard shift even though no one in their right mind would want to buy furniture in the middle of the night before he would give me next month’s pay.” Jeongguk is puffing his chest out as he counts his money, grinning uncontrollably. “I can’t believe it was that easy. All my problems are solved!”

Seokjin watches the youngster kiss the wad of cash in his hands. “Kook-ah… you know that loans have to be repaid, right…?”

Just then, Yoongi speaks at the same time, tilting his head towards Jeongguk with mild interest. “Aren’t you still short? The highest bid on meringuebaby’s page as of last night is now 3000 coins. Meaning you need $600.”

Yoongi is casually examining his fingernails as he says this, and Seokjin turns to him in confusion. “Wait, how do you know what the top bid is?”

Seokjin’s mind is racing, and he comes to only one conclusion.

“Fuck, the bid only closes tonight and it’s already $600??” Jeongguk groans as he stares wide-eyed at the stack of cash in his hands. “I only have just enough, provided it doesn’t go up any further.”

“I could lend you some first,” Yoongi says with his eyes still on his screen, and Jeongguk lights up like a Christmas tree.

“Really, hyung? Oh my god. You have no idea how much it would mean to me!” Jeongguk is all smiles once more.

The conversation is moving faster than Seokjin can comprehend.

“On one condition,” Yoongi turns around with his arms crossed. “I want to send her my cum too.”

“No way!” Jeongguk explodes in a ball of indignance. “The rules are clear. Only one person’s cum and it has to be from the person who won the bid! That’s cheating, hyung!!!”

“It’s fine if you don’t want to,” Yoongi shrugs indifferently as he turns back to his computer. “It’s not my loss.”

“I could never do that to meringuebaby,” Jeongguk says with clenched fists as he places one over his heart. “It would be like lying to her!”

Yoongi only snorts and mumbles something about being ‘totally whipped’ under his breath that Seokjin can’t quite catch. But then, all of a sudden, Jeongguk is turning to him with those puppy eyes and a pouting lower lip.

“Hyung, you have cash, don’t you? Can’t I borrow some? I promise I’ll pay you back,” Jeongguk says with reverence.

“I… um… I don’t get what’s…” Seokjin can only stutter, entirely overwhelmed by the past few minutes to form a coherent response. Yoongi visits this seedy little cam site too?? This meringuebaby person is earning just how muchas a scam girl??

“I’ll wash your dishes for three months, even during your baking practices,” Jeongguk throws in desperately.

And that seals the deal. As much as Seokjin loves baking, he absolutely hates the washing up. Not to mention when there are multiple icing tips, multiple mixing bowls, multiple trays… just thinking about it makes him feel exhausted already.

On top of that, he does have a rather large order coming up… having Jeongguk do the washing would make things so much easier.

So against the more rational part of his brain, he sighs and takes out his phone. “How much more do you need?”

♡

On the last night, when you log on to check the bids at exactly 10pm, your heart skips a beat when you see who is occupying the top slot.

“Oh my god, that crazy bastard really did it,” you mutter to yourself when you see that the top bid is way ahead of the second place winner. jackedasjeon had only placed his bid just two minutes ago, and also ensured that no one else could outdo him by bidding 4000 coins.

While a part of you is overjoyed at the extra income, you also wonder why someone would bid that much more than necessary. Perhaps this jackedasjeon person is really desperate… who are you to judge? You push the thought aside and make a new post to officially announce him as the winner, and see that the coins are transferred into your account. Then you send him a private message with details such as the address of your PO box that he should send the package too, as well as a few other administrative matters like how to securely wrap his package, what date he should send it by, and other things including the need for him to get officially tested and screened for any diseases and include the results in the package.

Not like you’ll actually need it anyway, but all the better to add to the realism.

Once you click send, you navigate to your account page to cash out all of your hard earned coins, and almost immediately, your phone lights up with a notification from your bank. You’re saved. Thank god for jackedasjeon.

You sigh in relief as you start to write a cheque to pay off your tuition fees.

♡

Jeon Jeongguk is over the moon. He is overjoyed. He is skipping all the way from class back home.

Throwing open the door, he can’t contain his excitement as he heads straight to his room. He opens the private message from you again just to make sure he hasn’t forgotten anything. The test results should be sent to him by email by today; he’d gone to get tested a few days ago just to make sure that there wouldn’t be any delay. He managed to get a few large, airtight vials as instructed, bubble wrap, and a sturdy cardboard box. The only thing left is…

Jeongguk sighs as he leans back in his chair, unzips his jeans, and starts to look for his favourite porn.

Which leads him to you, of course. More specifically, he begins browsing through some of your highlights videos on your page just to get himself in the mood. Just as he clicks on one where he remembers that you’re talking about your Sailor Moon outfit, he pauses.

Does he really want to do this?

A stupid question, granted all that he had gone through in order to secure the winning bid. But that aside, Jeon Jeongguk pauses. He finally has the chance to send the girl of his dreams something, anything at all. Does he really want to send her a vial of his cum? meringuebaby deserves to be treated way better than that. After all the hours of company and relief that you’ve provided him, Jeongguk feels like it just wouldn’t do to be this impersonal.

And in a way, Jeongguk does feel as if he owes you a word of thanks, at the very least. You made the past year of college slightly more bearable. Every week he has something to look forward to, someone who understands him, someone who makes him feel a little less lonely. Someone who helps him get through the hell that is college.

Then, Jeon Jeongguk realises he doesn’t really want to send you a vial of his cum like some weirdo. He just wants you to know how much he admires you, and sending you cum in the mail definitely isn’t the way to do that.

So he zips himself up again and reaches for some paper and a pen instead. If Yoongi ever found out he was about to do something this lame and sappy, Jeon Jeongguk feels like he would just die, so he double checks and triple checks that the door is locked, before he begins to pour out his feelings to meringuebaby on paper.

An hour passes, two hours, even, Jeongguk has lost track. But five sheets of paper later, he is finally satisfied with the end product as he puts everything into an envelope and drops it into the box. He puts away the unused vials into a drawer, wondering if he’s being an idiot for passing up on this chance.

But no. More than anything else, he wants you to know how he feels about you. How grateful he is that you do what you do. He doesn’t want to be jerking off and just sending you his cum like that. He wants you to know just how much you’ve helped him get through the not so good days. And what better opportunity than this? Maybe you’ll be so touched you’ll even read out his letter during your stream.

He nods to himself, confident of his decision as he seals the cardboard box.

♡

“You got another package,” Irene sings out as she knocks on your door.

You click pause on your online lecture to open the door, only to find your roommate holding a box in her arms.

“This one’s unusually light,” Irene mentions as she comes into your room, setting the box down on your desk. “Should we open it and check what’s inside?”

But you wave her away. “Nah, why bother? It’s gonna be nasty as hell. Even I don’t want to see the stuff. Just tear off the label and toss the package. Or just leave it by the door. I’ll dispose of it properly when I head out.”

“Is this the one that helped you pay your tuition?” She asks curiously as she begins to carefully tear the label off the box. “This ‘jackedasjeon’?”

“Yeah, he’s a platinum subscriber, but he’s never won before,” you say as you bring the box outside and leave it by the door. Come to think of it, it is unusually light as compared to the previous packages that you received. But it can’t be anything much, seeing as you’re going to toss it out anyway, so you don’t think much of it as you head back to your room to get a headstart on preparing for your stream.

“Should I do something special? He paid a lot for this,” you muse as Irene starts to get out the supplies to help you mix today’s batch of fake cum. “I was thinking of throwing in a freebie. You know, I saw one streamer selling the water that she soaked herself in while doing her stream. She bottled it up and added glitter and some food dye or some shit like that. Made it look like unicorn tears and called it her ‘Gamer Girl Bath Water’.”

Irene wrinkles her nose as she pours out some lube from a giant 2 litre bottle and starts adding some water to it to adjust the consistency. “That’s gross. I know I’m saying this as I’m literally mixing cum right now, but still.”

“You gotta give her credit where credit is due though,” you say at your reflection in the mirror as you tie up your hair and start your skincare routine first. “She’s creative as hell. Why didn’t I think of that first? Now I’ll have to come up with something else. Like selling my worn underwear or something.”

“Are you crazy?” Irene turns to you with her spoon still dripping onto the counter. “That’d cost you an arm and a leg!! You’ll barely break even like that.”

“You’re right…” you sigh in resignation. “What does a girl have to do these days to make some money??”

Irene is silent for a moment as she concentrates on adjusting the texture the way you taught her the very first time, while you put on your base layer of makeup.

“Is this okay? Too thin? What kind of cum do you think jackedasjeon would have?” Irene asks thoughtfully as she scoops some of the mixture onto her spoon and lets it drip back into the container.

“Hmm, I don’t know,” you reply, brows furrowed in concentration as you focus on getting your eyeliner just right. “I guess he seems like he might have a pretty thick load? He does have a nice cock. And nice arms. But I guess he can be kind of childish sometimes. Maybe thin it out a little more.”

Irene suppresses a giggle as she does as she’s told. Every time the two of you cook up that week’s batch, you always play a guessing game and make up facts about the mystery man whose cum you’re supposed to be playing with that week.

“Come help me with this,” you turn from the mirror with your eyes closed, holding out your false eyelashes. Irene is the only one who can get them on you, and without them, your disguise would not be complete.

“I have no idea what I’d do without you,” you sigh as Irene is putting the finishing touches on your hair and makeup an hour later. “Where would I find a roommate who mixes fake cum for me, and dresses me up to scam men on the internet?”

Irene giggles as she pats your cheek with a grin. “All done. Now go and earn us some money, meringuebaby.”

♡

“Hello!! I missed you guys so much! How are my cumnoisseurs today?” Your voice, bright and cheery, fills the entire room as Jeon Jeongguk settles into his desk chair, but he can’t seem to sit still. He is brimming with excitement, his heart is racing and it feels as if it might explode out of his chest.

You look beautiful as usual, dressed with your pink wig and Sailor Moon outfit, waving your star tipped wand about as you do your usual greetings, reading out the names of your top subscribers. Today you are surrounded by cupcakes with pastel pink, power blue, and snow white frosting on three tiered cake stands, and you reach for one cupcake, scooping a bit of the icing onto your finger and sucking on it.

“Aren’t they pretty?” You are scooping even more icing onto your finger, savouring the sweetness on your tongue with a cute little moan. Jeongguk feels the blood shoot straight to his cock upon hearing it. “I have some pink macarons here too! I decided to get these because I was craving something sweet today… don’t they look good?”

Jeongguk rushes to type his comment, adjusting himself with one hand as his jeans grow even tighter.

“I’m even sweeter than these?” You giggle as you read his comment, and Jeongguk feels a surge of adrenaline as he watches you wink at the camera as you continue. “I think that’s my line, jackedasjeon. I must admit that I was a little impatient and I had a taste of you earlier… that’s why I was craving something sweet!”

Jeongguk feels his heart seizing up as his eyes are glued to the screen. The words don’t really register in his brain as he watches you bounce up and down in excitement, and then he is distracted by your ample cleavage instead. You would have read his letter by now, right? Is that why you look so happy?

cherry_chim013: you should do a live where you’re in the kitchen cherry_chim013: wearing just an apron cherry_chim013: hehehehe

cherrychim is one perverted fucker. But Jeongguk can’t say that he wouldn’t like to see that visual either. He watches with a stupid goofy smile on his face as you talk a bit more about your day and eat a few cupcakes, getting some of the icing on the corner of your mouth, and Jeongguk wishes he could reach through the screen and help you wipe it off.

“I brought a whisk with me today! I just thought it would fit with today’s theme,” you brandish the utensil and wave it around. “I tried it on myself earlier and… it felt really nice as a massager. At the end of the stream, I’ll be giving it away to this week’s winner!”

Jeongguk watches as you start to use the whisk to play with yourself, running it up and down your body as you play with your own breasts over your bra. He is entranced and absorbed. You push your skirt up to reveal your panties that already have a wet patch on them, and start to rub yourself with the whisk over them. Your cute little moans and whines are getting him harder and harder, and when you push your panties to the side and start to finger yourself, Jeongguk groans audibly.

“Let’s really start the party now, shall we?” You pause with a glance at the camera as you lick your own fingers clean. “This week’s winner is jackedasjeon! Thank you so much for your… generous donation, it was well received!”

You brandish your faithful purple squirting dildo, and accidentally squirt some of the cum onto a nearby cupcake.

“Oops! How careless of me!” You gasp as you pick up the cupcake and scoop up the icing, with the cum on it, and put it in your mouth. “Tastes like salted caramel now,” you giggle.

Jeongguk swears under his breath as he watches you taste the cum stained cupcakes. He was never really into foodplay, but watching you like this, he just might reconsider.

“It’s supposed to go inside me, not on the cupcakes!” You are giggling as you scold yourself. “Sorry about that, jackedasjeon. But since you sent me so much, there’s more than enough cum to go inside me.”

At first, Jeon Jeongguk is far too horny to hear what you actually said. But after a few moments, the words register in his mind, and he frowns in confusion.

“Wh-what?” Jeongguk says aloud even as you start to suck the head of the dildo, squirting some of the cum out messily around your lips as you go. “But I didn’t… how can this be?”

There must be some sort of mistake. Jeongguk didn’t even jerk off that day, let alone send you any cum in that package, so how can you still be streaming and thanking him like this? He opens the drawers at his desk to make sure that the vials are still there. They are sitting at the back of his desk, untouched from the last time he left them.

You are showing the camera ‘his’ cum now on your tongue, making a great show of playing with it and swallowing it. After a bit, you start to tease yourself with it, playing with your clit and as Jeongguk watches the cum drip onto your cunt, his erection just dies down completely.

As if to confirm his suspicions, he watches the cum drip down your chin, and it look suspicious. Even if he had somehow mistakenly sent you his cum, the cum that you are playing with right now is most definitely fake. In fact, it looks just like lube wth some water added to thin it out.

If he didn’t send you any cum… and you are still streaming as if you received it in the mail…

This can only mean one thing.

Jeon Jeongguk has been scammed.

♡♡♡

[biles-bilinski-24]

Say What You’re Thinking

Pairing: peter parker x reader

Word Count: 2,322

Warnings: blood, mention of guns, mentions of drugs, death, surgery, fluffy lil ending

Summary: reader often goes out on missions with peter and the team but tonight she wanted to go out on her own. it doesn’t end well and she finds herself wanting to be honest about her feelings for peter.

Notes: this is my first mcu fic!! woohoo!!! i hope you guys like it. it is a bit sad but it has a sweet ending and i enjoyed writing it. thanks for all your support and let me know if you want to be tagged in future mcu posts :) by the way, if you see the name charlie in there, i apologize. i had that as the character name but i didn’t really like it so changed it to reader. i tried to make sure i didn’t leave any in but i’m sorry if i did.

Bang! 

I stumbled backward and my back hit the wall of one of the buildings outlining the dark alley. Everything seemed to go quiet other than a ringing in my ears and the faint sound of footsteps moving away from me. I looked down at my stomach to see dark, crimson blood quickly soaking through my shirt. I pressed my hands over the bullet wound and closed my eyes, sliding down the wall until I was sitting. I started to hear clearly again, picking up the end of someone’s conversation, “...please hurry Mr. Stark!” Somebody landed next to me as if they’d jumped off of something. I blinked my eyes open slowly and found Peter crouched at my side.

“No no no no no no,” he was muttering.

“Hi, Pete,” I whispered.

I gave him a weak smile. He looked me up and down and he must’ve been able to see where I got shot ‘cause he focused on one spot.

“Hey, I don’t know how bad it is but it doesn’t matter. You’re gonna be fine, I promise. Mr. Stark is coming and he’ll be able to fix you up,” Peter tried to convince me.

“We both know he’s not gonna get here in time.”

My breathing was slowly getting shallower and my eyelids felt heavier every time I blinked. 

“Don’t say that. You’ll be okay.”

I just gently shook my head.

“Can I see?” he asked.

I moved my blood-soaked hands from my wound so he could see it. He went wide-eyed and he ran a hand through his hair. I saw his eyes fill with tears.

“It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt,” I lied to him. 

“I know that’s a lie, Y/N. You’re gonna make it, okay? You just need to stay awake.”

“I’m not gonna last much longer.”

He tried to hold back his tears, or at least that’s what it seemed like ‘cause he was chewing on the inside of his cheek like he does when he gets upset.

“I need you to do something for me.”

He nodded.

“Tell Morgan hi for me every day. Don’t forget. And say goodbye to Steve, Nat, Bruce, the whole team. And...tell Tony I’m sorry I ate the last cheeseburger.”

We both laughed.

“Just tell them thanks for everything,” I continued. “Make sure Ned and MJ know I’ll miss them every day.”

“No, no, you’re gonna tell them yourself. I’m not gonna let you die,” I saw tears finally fall down his cheeks.

“Don’t cry, Pete. It’s okay. I’m not scared.”

Every breath was choppy and it felt like I wasn’t getting any air in no matter how hard I tried. I knew I didn’t have much time. Every part of my body suddenly felt so light, like I was floating, and I realized what was happening. 

“I gotta go now,” I told him.

Peter shook his head and grabbed onto my hand, I could tell he wasn’t ready to let me go.

“I love you Pete, s-so much. I’ll always be with you. Just...never f-,” I took a heavy breath, “forget me, okay?” I squeezed his hand so tight, and in that moment I didn’t want to go either. He just looked so sad all I wanted to do was tell him everything was gonna be okay, but I couldn’t. 

“Please don’t leave me, Y/N, please,” he cried.

“I’m sorry,” I noticed two people walk into the alley but I couldn’t tell who they were. 

They called out our names but as I tried to turn to see who it was, my eyes closed and I was gone. 

When I opened my eyes I wasn’t in the alley anymore. I was in some sort of operation room. It seemed like I was looking at the room from above it, which was really weird. I looked down and saw a girl on the table. The doctors looked like they were trying to take something out of her stomach. One of the doctors kinda looked like Bruce. It was only seconds later that I realized it was Bruce, and that the girl was me, laying in one of the surgery rooms at Avengers Tower. You can imagine that at this point I was really confused because how could I be watching myself having surgery? Someone pointed to the machines next to me, and I saw that I had almost no pulse. The doctors became more and more urgent with their actions. I tried to focus on what Bruce was doing but then the room started to go dark and I think I fainted or something. 

It felt like it had been hours when I finally woke up. I wasn’t in the operating room anymore. It only took a few seconds for me to figure out I was in my room at the tower. I carefully swung my legs over the edge of the bed and started to stand up. I was surprised at the amount of strength I had considering what had happened. I reached for where my wound was as I gradually remembered everything that happened. Then it hit me: I died. Or at least I think I died. I’m pretty sure I died. Unless it was all just a dream. So I reached for the hem of my shirt and pulled it up high enough to see where the wound was. I saw a scar but I still wasn’t sure. I ran my fingers across the stitches and they felt real. I put my shirt back down and took a step towards the door. At that same moment, the door opened, revealing a wide-eyed Peter.

“Hey, Pete,” I said quietly. 

He stared at me for a second before pulling me into a hug. I held on so tight, I never wanted to let go. I was afraid that if I did he would disappear. We eventually let go of each other and I noticed a couple people behind Peter.

“Tony! Steve!” I shouted and practically jumped on them trying to hug them. 

Tony laughed, “Good to have you back, kid.”

“We really missed you,” said Steve.

I smiled back at them and sat down on my bed. Peter sat next to me and put his arm around me. 

“Okay, okay. So what actually happened because I swear I died and now I’m magically alive again? Was I ever actually dead?” I asked them. 

Tony and Steve shared a look before Tony spoke up.

“Well, you kinda did die. Steve and I found you two in the alley but we were too late. You barely had a pulse but I still wanted to try to save you so we brought you back here to the tower and fixed you up. To answer your question, yes, technically you were dead for a little bit.”

“Wow, that’s…”

“Insane?” Peter finished for me.

“Yeah, insane.” 

“Yeah, I know how you feel,” Steve added. 

I let out a small laugh as he smiled. I didn’t say anything for a while.

“You okay, kid?” Tony asked. 

“Yeah, no, I’m fine. Just trying to wrap my head around it, you know?” I replied.

“Alright, well we’ll give you some space. There’s probably something I should be doing right now so I’ll go figure out whatever that is,” said Tony.

“I should go tell Nat about you. She’s been so down since you got hurt so I think this’ll cheer her up,” Steve said.

I sent them a smile as they left my room. 

“Do you want me to go too?” Peter asked me, getting up.

“Could you stay? I don’t really wanna be alone.”

He sat back down with a smile and tightened his arm around me. I laid my head on his shoulder and stared at a picture of me and Morgan that sat on my dresser.

“Did you guys tell Morgan anything?” I asked him.

He shook his head, “No, not really. We weren’t sure if you were gonna make it but we didn’t wanna get her hopes up. She really loves you, you know.”

I smiled and said, “Yeah, she loves me 3000. You’re more in the 800 to 1000 range.”

“Oh really?”

“Yep. But it’s not like it’s a competition or anything.”

“Oh, no, never.”

We both laughed. It was silent for a while as I thought about everything that happened. I was curious as to how Peter knew where I was. It’s not like I have a suit with a tracker or anything. I guess maybe he saw me when he was patrolling and just kept an eye on me. I don’t know how he does it. He always seems to know when something’s wrong. It’s not even just that, he always knows how to solve the problem. And don’t even get me started on school, he’s a genius. I swear he should’ve graduated by now. 

Peter’s been my best friend since I first saw him at the tower. We had gone to the same school all our lives but we never really talked, though I’m not sure why. I’ve been living at Avengers Tower since I was a kid. You see, my parents kinda sucked (they were druggies) and Tony somehow knew about my powers. So when things went south and I was supposed to be moved into a foster home, Tony took me in. I’ve been with him and Pepper ever since. Anyway, when Tony first brought Peter to the tower, you could see how much Pete loved it. His eyes would light up every time he saw something he’d never seen before, which happened a lot. He bumped into me on his way to the elevator and he was obviously really confused. He didn’t know I lived with Tony ‘cause I never really told anyone.

I didn’t have many friends before Peter. I guess I was afraid to open up to people but with Peter it was just different. I’ve always known I could trust him. Maybe it’s because he’s like me, but there’s always been this unspoken agreement to keep each other’s secrets no matter what. I started hanging out with him more. Then I got to know Ned and MJ, and the four of us have been close ever since. I think we had only been friends for a few months when I realized I loved him. I think it was homecoming actually. I saw Peter with Liz and I felt sort of jealous. Obviously I never told him, he wouldn’t feel the same way and I didn’t wanna ruin our friendship. I’ve been suppressing the feelings ever since, hiding them so that no one knows. I do a pretty good job at it, but somehow Morgan figured it out. Of all people, Morgan was the one who saw it first. She told Pepper about it and I begged Pepper not to say anything. She agreed to keep it quiet. It’s a good thing she didn’t tell Tony ‘cause Tony can’t keep his mouth shut about anything. 

“What do I do now?” I asked out of nowhere.

“What do you mean?” Peter said.

“This whole dying thing has made me realize how much I haven’t done and said. There are things I need to say to people that I can’t just not say,” I stood up and started pacing around the room. “The problem is, the things I need to say are gonna change everything. I’m scared they might ruin friendships. I’d never want that but I can’t just keep them in. I can’t die with regrets, Pete, not again.”

He came and stood in front of me, stopping my pacing, “Hey, look at me. You dying was the worst thing that ever happened to me and I’m not gonna let it happen again, okay? And nothing you say could ever ruin our friendship. You’ll always have me.” 

“You don’t know that, Pete. It’s just...you guys mean the world to me and I don’t know how I’d survive without you. I don’t even wanna think about it,” I couldn’t look at him.

I felt tears stinging my eyes but I didn’t wanna let them fall.

“I feel the same way, Y/N/N. Before I met everyone here my life was boring and sad. But when I got here everything changed. I think I’d go crazy if I lost you guys.”

I could sense his eyes on me but I stayed staring at the wood floor. Peter took my hand in his and gave it two squeezes, which was our signal that we were there for each other. I squeezed back, but I knew that if I looked at him I would fall apart. I didn’t know how much longer I could handle this.

“Why won’t you look at me?” he asked.

“I’m scared,” I replied shortly.

“Of what?”

“I’m scared that I’ll ruin everything we have.”

“What? How could you do that? It’s just me.”

“I know, that’s the problem.”

“Oh,” he sounded disappointed as he let go of my hand.

“No, no, that’s not what I meant. I-” I paused and took a breath. “I’m in love with you, Pete.”

He didn’t say a thing, but his eyes widened as he took a step away from me.

“And of course you don’t feel the same way. Ugh, this is exactly what I was afraid of, I knew I shouldn’t have said anything. I just made a dumb mista-”

Peter cut me off by pressing his lips to mine. His hands cupped my cheeks while I realized what was happening. When it finally occurred to me that the boy I’ve been in love with for years was kissing me, I kissed him back. When we pulled away I looked up into his dark brown eyes and I smiled bigger than I’ve ever smiled before. We both let out a small laugh and if I’m being honest, it was the happiest I’ve felt my whole life.

[dxlansfxck]

EVERY WOUND WILL SHAPE ME [G.D] • 03

They really had some kind of fun this day – even Y/N was laughing one of the most real laughs in the last couple months. But now, she was laying in her bed, thinking about everything that ruined their day. Thinking about what Grayson was doing wrong, again.

I am the ghost in the shadows, I am the fear of the dark, I am the murderer of apathy – an angel that’s fallen.

Her head was buried between her pillows, her body rolled up in her soft blanket, trying to get the comfort she truly needed right now. Once her body was hidden, she didn’t have to think about the issues she has with how she looked in her swimsuit, how much flatter her stomach could’ve been if she didn’t eat the breakfast Grayson brought her. But well, he didn’t need to worry about what he was eating, his body was close to being perfect.

But Grayson – of course – didn’t mind her weight as he quickly carried her on his shoulders, walking around with her and throwing her into the warm saltwater. Little did he know that drowning was one of her biggest fears ever since her parents died. Even if it was just a simple pool instead of the gigantic ocean, she didn’t like being under water, squirming and fidgeting under the surface, trying to get up again.

Grayson loosened his grip on her head, letting her breathe again, but while she was literally gasping for air, all he did was checking out some girl that was walking past them with such a perfectly shaped body and huge tits that made Y/N cover her own with her hands.

Well, Y/N wasn’t feeling to be left out once again, so she quickly decided to get over into another pool area, enjoying the even warmer water on her own while watching Grayson talk to this fucking idiot that was about to steal her best friend.              

I am the psycho, the sinner. I am what you can’t escape. I am the splinter underneath your skin, I am a monster.

With a bang, I feel my heart start to separate, the enemy within can no longer be contained.

Even an hour later, Y/N was already laying on one of the deck chairs, trying to dry off a bit, Grayson was still talking to that slut, obviously enjoying her company. It may be just an hour, but to her it felt like 800 years of pain and suffering. Of being left out. He came with her, he begged her to come here, so why is he spending his time with someone different? The smile he was giving this woman was a smile that she didn’t see that much, it was his happy smile. The one that only showed once he was really comfortable around someone, showing off his perfectly white teeth while a soft giggle was escaping his lips.

She had to turn her head, looking away, before she started to cry again. It pissed her off that she couldn’t leave, because Grayson was the one that decided to drive today. Looking around while huffing in annoyance, she saw someone that caught her eyes in seconds. He was tall, a giant, with soft blonde curls hitting his shoulders and a slight scruff covering his face. His shoulders and chest were broad, but he wasn’t as built as Grayson was – but Y/N didn’t care. Hell, he was fucking attractive.

She smiled at him, winking while biting her lip to hide a giggle that desperately wants to escape her mouth, almost feeling like a schoolgirl having her first crush. The unknown man laughs while walking towards her, receiving an winning smirk from Y/N, before he sits down next to her, asking for her name before introducing himself: Luke, 22 years old, musician in a pop-rock band. And definitely Y/N’s type of man.

I’m running from myself, there’s something inside of me and it’s ripping a hole through my chest.

They were talking for almost as long as her ‘best friend’ talked to this annoying girl, but by now she didn’t even care anymore. Starting to really like Luke and his dry humor, they talked about lots of things, mostly about him and his band. Luke was a born and raised Aussie, touring with his band through the entire world. He was currently living in Los Angeles while they were recording their second studio album and he probably will be there for another few months.

Instead of going for another swim together, Y/N offered him to come home with her, not needing Grayson to drive her anymore. He could spend the entire day with that girl, Y/N didn’t want him to be around her anyways – and once she saw Luke in his boots and leather jacket, she was damn sure what she wanted for that day instead.

The blood in my veins is made up of mistakes.

Well, now she was laying here, in her bed, that she shared with Luke not so long ago. She was still naked, but he was dressed and gone by now. Her body was aching, tired, but also satisfied. Smiling, she tries to burn the pictures of the last few hours into her brain.

His phone number in her phone, that she would either call very often or never again.

His body against hers, his hands everywhere at the same time.

His mouth, covering every place she wanted it to cover.

His lips, slightly parted, while they were repeating her name over and over again.

His eyes closed as she climbed on top of him, taking all of his length as she slid down onto him.

His fingernails buried in her back while she was riding out their highs.

Thinking about him, the one that betrayed her insecure self so much today.

His face as he entered her room and saw them laying in her bed, her bodies connected.

Her smirk as she slid down onto Luke again, pinching her own nipples as she looked him dead in the eyes and moaning his name, instead of the man’s that was currently laying underneath her. “Gray.”

I spit the fire from my lungs, the creature I buried is now the beast that I’ve become.

We pretend that we can be somebody else, but heaven’s judgments nothing when you’re already in hell.

Hours later, her tired feet were dragging her through the empty streets of Los Angeles. One cigarette after another finds its way out of the package, while Y/N’s lungs must’ve filled with pure smoke by now. But she just couldn’t stop, she didn’t get enough. Music was filling her ears, while the beat was keeping her heart alive.

The empty pack of cigarettes lands in the trash. Rain was running down her face, making strands of her hair stick together. Her phone was currently vibrating, but she ignored it, concentrating on anything but the two man that wanted to talk to her.

Grayson. Luke. Grayson. Luke. Gray… Luke.

We are possessed. We are all fucked in the head.

Once she finally arrived at her desired destination, a relieved sigh left her lips. It was a nightclub, nothing luxurious, probably something... shabby. But it was the only place that had what she wanted right now. Pills. Powders. Liquids. Everything that was necessary to forget what happened.

Those women and men that were dancing were dressed different than you’d see in usual clubs, most of them covered in latex – others were almost naked. But she was looking for someone special, the only person that could fulfill her current needs. Jairus. The one with the best… medicine. He was the one Y/N lost her virginity to when she just turned 16. Shortly after that, she started to buy her stuff from him. Ever since, she sleeps with him.

Once she bought – and took – what she needed, her body already reacting to the substance, she sat on top of Jairus’ desk, her feet dangling from it without touching the ground. “You’re always coming back, aren’t you?” Jairus’ fingertips were drawing lines onto her covered legs while Y/N was trying to process her current high. His lips started to move against her neck, while she crawled onto his lap, her fingers buried into his hair. Soon enough, their lips met. Teeth were nibbling on her nipples. Fingernails were scratching over his skin, leaving permanent marks. He opened his pants with one hand while holding down her neck with the other one, pressing her cheek against the wooden fabric of his desk. He’s the one in charge, both of them know them. Hell, it’s always like that. The drugs she always takes before sleeping with him – before she has to sleep with him – leaving her not caring at all, leaving her numb. But that’s what the needed to forget about Grayson.

Love is a hell, you are the devil and I am burning in the flames.

And suddenly, all the love songs were about you.

Still dazed by her intoxication, she arrives at the house, walking straight into the bathroom while already removing her clothes, ready for a shower to scrub off anything that happened with Jairus. Humming along to some random melody in her head, she didn’t hear that the shower was already running. Not hearing that someone was already inside, but as soon as she opens the bathroom door, a naked Grayson was revealed under the shower. Gasping, she couldn’t help but stare at him, enjoying every single muscle on his stomach before her gaze wanders further down – only to see the thermal bath-hoe kneeling in front of her best friend, lips wrapped around his erect cock. She could’ve enjoyed the view, for sure, if it wasn’t for this bitch to be on her knees. His groans causing goosebumps on Y/N’s skin, but most likely out of disgust. She was the one that was supposed to make Grayson feel those feelings, but now it was someone else. Again.

Closing the door silently, she walks straight towards to the other bathroom, stripping out of her remaining clothes before going directly under the way too hot waterjet. She rubs and scrubs her body as clean as it could get, while her skin gets redder with every second in this heat. Once she steps out of the shower, she instantly shudders at the temperature difference. Starring into the mirror, she grabs the blade out of instinct, holding it against the skin right under her left breast. Remembering the scenario, she presses the blade against her skin. Directly against her heartbeat.

Can you fix the broken? Can you feel my heart?

She wasn’t ready to leave. Not yet. She doesn’t want to leave. Instead, she slits line over line in her left thigh, silent tears running out of her eyes without mercy. Then, the blade falls onto the ground in silent and Y/N collapses, each and every feeling of being high leaving her body. The tears weren’t stopping, fleeing out of her messy head while she just screams out her frustration until her throat was sore and nothing but sobs were coming out of her lips. Her fists were punching the ground rapidly until her knuckles burst. Grabbing her hair, scratching her face, but nothing stops Grayson’s moans.

Sudden rage, sudden strength was running through her veins, the adrenalin pumping through her body while she successfully covers her scars and gets dressed, leaving her with almost no pain at all. Instead, she smirks. Opening his bedroom door, she forces some tears out of her – now almost empty – eyes, while a pout forms on her lips. Ignoring the fact that he isn’t alone, she steps into the room like she always would after a nightmare.

“Gray, can I sleep in your bed? I just dreamed a fuckin- Oh. I didn’t know you had someone over. Sorry.”

Stepping back into her own room, she grins, knowing that Grayson would feel bad for her, kicking this girl out and coming to comfort her. He always does. And he always will.

You smiled at the stars like they all knew your secrets.

Now they are laying here. In Y/N’s bed. Grayson and Y/N. She’s telling him about her ‘nightmare’ while Grayson listens quietly, wrapping his arms around her stomach to calm her down.

“It was so weird, Gray. I was there, but somehow, I wasn’t. I saw how I… drowned. But you were standing right next to me, not helping me at all because you were talking to some girl”, she bows her head, knowing his conscience gets worse by second. But as soon as he was about to say something, she continues to speak. “You were holding me under water, not realizing I was drowning. Once I was dead… You just went on and walked over to that girl. You didn’t care about me at all.” By now, she got angry again, talking herself into rage. “You didn’t give a single fuck about me. Well, then I woke up and wanted to take a shower in my bathroom, but what did I see? This fucking girl from my fucking dream sucking your fucking cock.”

His otherwise perfectly shaped lips open, but instead of speaking up, he closes them again. “I know, I know, I couldn’t care less about who you’re fucking, but in my bathroom? In my shower?” Now the side effects of the amphetamines were talking out of her. Anger. Fury. Hate. “You’ve got a bed to fuck your whores, Grayson. Don’t you?” His eyes widen in shock while he balls his hands to tight fists, now getting angry himself.

“Well, at least I don’t moan someone else’s name while riding some random guy, Y/N. I don’t moan your name. You’re nothing better than me, Bubbles.” This time, the nickname didn’t sound loving at all. It was full of scorn. “I don’t care about your sexuality and you know that. But what was that? Besides that, I found a towel, covered in blood in the laundry. And I bet it didn’t come from your ‘shaving accident’, huh? Care to explain?“

The air was thin, ready to be ripped from all the anger in it, but it wouldn’t be Y/N if she hadn’t had an answer for that.

“Oh, Grayson, little do you know, mh? I am cutting myself. I take drugs, different drugs every night. I drink too much alcohol. Whenever I fuck guys, I think about you. Think about your big cock deep inside my pussy while moaning out your name. Whenever I fuck girls, I imagine it’s you eating me out. Whenever I cut my legs open, I think about you. Even when I’m high, I think about you, Grayson. I don’t know why and I wish it wasn’t like that, because it fucking sucks, okay? But I can’t change it. I even dream of you, god damned! And when I wake up, I need to finger myself until I can’t come anymore, just because of you.”

You’re afraid to tell people how you feel because it will destroy them, so you bury it deep inside yourself where it destroys you.

Grayson was watching the girl in front of him the entire time, hesitating to say anything. Grabbing his own hair, he swallows loudly. “You’re dreaming of me? What exactly are you dreaming, Bubbles?” He doesn’t run, he doesn’t leave her side. He just watched her in anticipation. She coughs, trying to calm her voice down at least a little bit.

“We’re laying here in this bed, you’re touching me right there”, she gently places her hand onto his thigh, “while your lips move from my mouth to my neck”, her fingertips trace exact those spots, leaving him shiver under her touch. “Then, you’re removing my shirt, slowly. You’re always looking at me with that passion, that drives me crazy. Then, you’re kissing me again”, she touches his lips, so soft and featherlike, he almost didn’t feel her fingers. His breath hitches, not being able to look away from what he thought was his best friend. Until now.

“Your hands roam my body, exploring every inch, from my breasts to my legs”, his eyes wander to the baggy shirt she wore, while she keeps on talking. “You’re telling me how much you want me; how much you love me. Then I’m crawling onto your lap, removing your shirts and just stare at your abs for a while”, she giggles, “I’d be finally able to touch you wherever I want.” She draws a line from his jawline to his bellybutton and he flexes his abs out of reflex. “Your eyes are dark from lust while you’re looking at me like nobody else ever did. You’re kissing my scars, telling me you don’t mind them.” She pulls the covers to the side, exposing her legs to him.

He stops breathing, not being able to speak up. But Y/N didn’t care. Instead, she keeps on talking. “Then you’re giving me one of the best fucks I’ve ever had, we’re laying in each other’s arms while enjoying every second of it”, she shrugs it off as if it was just a dream. But the bulge in Grayson’s pants were speaking for him. “But it was just a dream, so don’t worry, I won’t jump onto your dick or something like that.”

Standing up, she lets the over sized shirt fall down to her thighs, covering her black lace underwear while she grabs the cigarettes from her nightstand before walking towards the opened window. He just sits there and stares at the girl he thought he knew. But she was so different to what she used to be like. He remained quiet the entire time until she came back onto the bed, looking at him all innocent. “Would you mind leaving now? I’d like to sleep.”

Grayson stands up nodding, walking to the door awkwardly and tries to hide his erection – without success. Once he was out of the door, he looks over his shoulder, starring at Y/N. Then, he shakes his head and basically runs towards his best friends, kissing her without restraint.

You don’t need water to feel like you’re drowning.

[gremlinkweenarchive-blog]

First Burn

A/N: So like I know this was NOT on my schedule at ALL but this song came on shuffle and I was inspired so enjoy this absolute pain. Listen to this song for an extra dose of pain. If you know Hamilton, then you know what’s about to go down. 

Warnings: Angst, cheating, mentions of a marriage ending with kids, drinking when upset, but that’s about it

Word Count: 3 K

Tag List: @langdonsinferno, @americanhorrorstudies, @ccodyfern, @michael-langdon-owns-my-soul, @codyfernss

If you knew what today would bring you, you would have stayed in bed all day long, maybe for the rest of your life. It started as any typical Monday, breaking the illusion of free time the weekend brought was always the hardest, but feeling your husband squeeze you tight made you smile. Duncan kissed your neck and you cuddled into him further. 

"I don't want to get up," you mumbled. 

"Then stay in bed, dear. Take the day off, you deserve it." 

You sighed as he finally opened your eyes and looked up at the ceiling. "You know I can't do that. Neither can you, Mr. Secretary of Treasury." You poked his stomach and he let out a little chuckle though it didn't sound as lively as he usually was. You went to roll out of bed, but he caught you, holding you in bed. 

"What?" You chuckled. 

"Just know that I love you." 

Your brow creased. Duncan looked more serious than you've seen him in awhile. "Yeah, you weirdo, I know that." 

He leaned up to kiss you. Something sweet and sleepy, but full of love and passion. With that, the both of you got up and got ready for the day. Both of you in suits, and he was staring off into space rather than eat his breakfast when your nanny, Elise, showed up for the morning. You sighed in relief and handed her one of the twins. 

"Thank you, Jack is so fussy this morning and I don't know why," you complained and she smiled.

"Babies have their moods just like adults."

They were your first borns, and this woman made a living rearing children, so you believed her. 

"Seems to be Jack's not the only one in a mood," she remarked about Duncan, who seemed to be lost in his thoughts. 

"Like father, like son I guess," you chuckled, though you were worried about your husband, but you trusted him to come talk to you when he was ready. You figured it had to do with those nasty rumors flying around about Duncan abusing the power of his position. You knew that was crazy talk. He'd never, but already having stared prison down the barrel once, you didn't blame his aversion to these types of rumors. 

He got up, without touching his breakfast and kissed Jack and Eva goodbye before giving you one last kiss and hug. The kiss seemed to last forever and once he pulled away, you gave him a smile, but worried was plain as day on your face. 

"I love you," he whispered. 

"I know you do," you smiled a little more genuinely. That was your little way that you said I love you back, but it also said that he could relax, things weren't as horrible as he thought they were. 

He left for the day, and you finished getting ready as Elise got the children settled down. 

-------------------------------------

You entered the boardroom on your floor. There was a case that you and your team were meeting for. You saw everyone glued to the T.V. as you walked in, sipping your thermos of coffee. 

"Come on folks," you didn't even look to the screen, you were tossing your jacket on a chair and setting your briefcase down, "I've got partner to make at this god-forsaken law firm, and I'll be damned if Dale makes it before I do." 

"Umm, Mrs. Shepard," one of your interns spoke, "You should watch this." She turned up the volume, and you looked up. 

Shock flooded your system seeing your husband on screen. You read the running banner and it didn't make sense. You read it again.... And again. Sound faded out as you read the banner yet again. 

"Secretary of Treasury Shepard admits that the suspicious emails and what appeared to be a skimming scam, was in fact a hidden affair." 

You blinked, and you couldn't believe it, but then you heard his words coming from the screen. 

"While this act is inexcusable, and I deeply sorry for the pain this causes my personal life, and my family, but I never put the integrity of my position or my department on the line..." 

That's all you cared to listen to. Your stomach as flipping. He chose his job, the world over you. You felt like you were going to be sick or pass out, or maybe both. Your intern grabbed your arm. 

"Do you want to go home?" She asked you, her eyes were clearly concerned and you nodded.

"Then let's go, the media's going to be swarming this place any second." 

She wasn't wrong, and she helped you by grabbing your things and darting off. 

"I'll be sure to send someone over with your car later." 

In the emotion fog, you had one clear thought run through your head. Remember to hire this girl when she graduated. 

There were already camera crews in the car garage when you stepped out of the elevator. You kept a stoic face. You heard clamoring, begging for comments. One aggressive reporter managed to get in your face and making you stop. 

"Do you have any comments about the news press your husband held this morning." 

Without even thinking, you answered, "Fuck off, bitch," before you pressed past, getting into your interns car. You were sure to hear about that one from your bosses later, but if they couldn't understand that your husband announced to the world that he cheated on you without even telling you first, then they would just have to deal with it. 

The drive was silent, and you were surprised that you weren't crying. It didn't feel real. This had to be some awful dream, you were going to wake up any minute. You were lost in your thoughts, but she pulled up to your drive way much quicker than you thought. 

"Thank you, Elizabeth," your voice as thick. Your face was wet and you touched your cheek. Apparently, you were crying. 

"Are you going to be okay, Mrs. Shepard?" 

That name used to bring you joy, a little surge of excitement every time you heard it, even just this morning before this horrific news, you felt a twinge of joy when she addressed you as such. 

"Just, Y/N, Elizabeth. Don't call me that again." 

She nodded. 

"I'll see you when I go into work next." With that, you got out of her car, and walked up to your house. 

Elise greeted you and she knew. You could tell by the look on her face, trepidation, concern, pity, sadness, all of it. 

"There were people calling, looking for you, so I took the phone off the hook." 

You smiled, well, the most of what you could muster of one. She knew what to do before you even knew the situation. 

"Uhh, Elise?" 

"Yes, Ma'am?" 

"Can you take the kids to my mother's house? I don't..." You didn't know what to say. You just didn't want them there. You wanted your space to process. Get whatever you needed to do without having to worry about your children or scaring them. They were too young to understand this anyway. They were just babies, and and maybe, just maybe you wanted to punish Duncan a little. 

"I understand, Ma'am. Just call me when you're ready to have them back. Take as much time as you need." 

You nodded and she left to go get the children ready for the day out.

You kissed your children before they left, and you waited for them to leave before you went to the liquor cabinet, and pulled out the George T. Stagg, pouring yourself a healthy glass. You didn't care if this was Duncan's 800 dollar bottle of bourbon. You were collecting your alimony early. 

Sitting down, you took a breath. This still felt like a nightmare that you were destined to wake up from any moment. You drank half of the glass in one go. This wasn't real. He didn't do that to you. He couldn't do that to you. He told you that he loved you this morning. Sure, he had been a little distant in the past, but he was on the fucking presidential cabinet. Late nights were apart of the deal. He had calls that he could take with you in the room. He needed to take trips for the weekend... Right? He needed all of that for work. He loved you. He only laid down in your bed. You were the only girl for him, he promised that to you. It didn't matter that his gaze lingered too long on your sister? It didn't matter that he never shrugged off a friendly touch from a woman, even if the contact lasted just a hair too long right? None of that mattered. It couldn't matter because he promised you. 

Oh God.

This was real. This was real. This was real. 

In a sudden fit of rage, you flung the glass against the wall and the delicate thing nearly exploded on impact, and a sob escaped your chest.

He did that to you. He did that to you. He told the world about his infidelity before he told you. He mangled your heart, and let the world see it before he showed you. It felt like your skin was crawling, everywhere he touched, felt dirty and you were crying so hard, you were nearly gagging and choking. 

You forced air into your lungs. You forced yourself to calm down. You didn't get so far in life because you broke at every little thing. 

Then again, this wasn't a little thing. You didn't let people into your heart, everyone betrayed you. Even your parents betrayed you, yet, you had met Duncan while you were in law school. He could make you laugh, he made your heart sing. You let him in. He made you believe that love was real again. You married him. You bore his children. You trusted him above all, and this is what he gave you in return. You were right, everyone would betray you, given the chance. 

The love you held for him was turning to ash in your mouth. You grabbed the bottle, fucking the glasses, and you took a healthy swig. 

You made your way up stairs, refusing to look at all the pictures of you and your family hanging up on the walls. You were afraid you would break looking at them. A family, happy and carefree, built on lies. 

You walked into your room, staring at the shared bed. The one that you conceived your children on, the one that was supposed to be sacred. You wondered if he fucked the other one on this bed while you were in London for business five months ago. You took another swig. Thank god for the 70% alcohol by volume on this thing. 

You weakly moved to the closet. You flipped on the light, feeling like a monster, no, not a monster, a corpse was in there, waiting for you to make it's grizzly discovery. There was a black box you hid behind your shelves. It was a sacred. It was the shrine you built to your relationship with Duncan. You saved every love letter, every card, memories of your firsts, anything and everything. You pulled it out from it's hiding spot and held it close to your chest. You took another swig before you put the bottle down to hold it closer. 

Time didn't hold meaning, who knows how long you were crying as you held that shrine, but you knew that your head hurt when you were done. The house was still silent, and it was beginning to feel more like a tomb than a home. You sniffled and picked up the bottle again, taking another swig. 

You grabbed a sweater and headed for the backyard. You got the fire pit ready for a fire, and you tossed a match on top, watching the flames erupt and consume the wood while you felt nothing. You sat down in front of it and gingerly opened the box. On top was the first love letter we ever wrote you. A week after you met him, you got it, and all he could do was gush about how you were the most beautiful woman he had ever met and he needed to know you more. 

A faint smile graced your face before the thought crashed through your head. "Not beautiful enough." 

You took another swig before you looked at the fire, then at the letter. Your eyes then moved every carefully pack to the fire as the course of action became clear. 

With a simple flick of your wrist you pushed the paper into the flames, seeing it consumed. There was no pleasure in this, but a conviction that you had to do this. You had to burn him out like an inflection. 

You knew it was dark before you were down with ready the letters and burning each one. You were beyond drunk now, but you didn't care. You just didn't want to feel anything, but your chest still felt like it was physically breaking as you watched the flames lick the air. 

You heard footsteps behind you, and you knew who they belonged to. You would always know who they belonged to. He was silent. Was there anything to say. 

He came closer cautiously. 

"What's this?" he asked softly as he grabbed the corpse of the shrine. 

You yanked the box away from him and tossed it to the flames. Better to burn it than to let him defile it further. 

"I kept all your old letters in there." You explained coldly, "I saved every letter you wrote me. Every last one, and when I was missing you, or when I was sad, or even when we were fighting, I'd read them and remember how much you love me." You let that hang in the air, and another wave of tears almost broke free, but you reigned it in. "I guess I was wrong though." 

"Y/N, please, let m-" 

"Don't," you held up your hand to stop him. There was nothing he could say to make this better. "You can stand over there and watch, but you are not making this better." She didn't trust him, she didn't trust herself that she could stay strong not to fall in his arms. 

"God," she scoffed and took another drink, "I don't even know who you are." 

"Come on, y-" 

You held up your hand again, and he stopped. You hated him in this moment, but god did you want him to hug you. You wanted him to make this better, but you knew he couldn't. 

"You told the whole fucking world that you brought her into our bed," a tear rolled down your cheek. "You cleared your name, but you have destroyed our lives. You understand that, right?" 

"You think I could let them think that I was abusing my position? Y/N, you know what I had to go through with my parents, I can't and won't just stand by and let people tear down my name,," he could hear he was pleading, but you didn't spare him a look. 

"Well, God forbid, that someone someone whispers against you!" You lashed out finally looking towards, "They whisper against you, and you have to scream!" You screamed the last part, a sob wracking your body. 

He went to hold you and you pushed his hands away, "Don't!" You sobbed, and covered your face. He was helpless to fix this. You both knew that. 

Finally, your sobs calmed down, and you looked at him again, that hate burning bright. "You want to know about whispers, Duncan? You want to know about whispers that destroy everything you worked for? I know how you look at my sister," you spat out. 

He went to speak, and for the third time, you spoke, "Don't." 

"I see how other women look at you. Don't you dare think I'm so naive. I see how they fall for your charms.You are just so goddamn charming. I was willing to write off that that was just you, but you always liked that, didn't you? You like their attention, and you are so fucking obvious sometimes, Duncan. " You had ignored the signs, and for that, you could only be angry at yourself. 

You shook your head, and you stood on uneasy legs. 

"What are you going to say to the press?" 

The question felt like a slap, always caring more about the world than his home. 

He felt that hatred hardening in your heart. "Don't worry," you said as you wiped your tears. "I won't say anything. I'll let the world wonder what I did when you broke my heart." 

You saw the pain in his eyes, he was crying too. You wanted nothing more than to wipe them away, then to pretend that this was okay. To make him feel better, but what then, of your broken heart? 

"You threw this all away, you know that, right?" 

"Yes." 

Her heart broke, but she had one last thing to say. "You know when the time comes Duncan, when Eva and Jack ask about what happened, why mom and dad aren't together, you are going to have to look them in eyes and explain the pain and the embarrassment you put their mother through? I'm not going to tell them. That is your sin to confess." 

You had might as well have slapped him across the face with how he looked at you. "Please, Y/N-" 

"Get out," you spoke coldly. 

"Ple-" 

"Get out of my house!" You screamed. You couldn't stand this anymore. 

He stopped and stared at you. Maybe it would have been kinder to slap him than to tell him that based on his face. He whipped his face, and nodded. "Alright, I'll go." 

[abimckeag-blog]

In Detail, part one

now that I’ve identified the bulk of the experiences I’ve had throughout my life, I feel it’s only fair to explain how I’ve delt with them and what caused them to begin with.

I can’t always identify the roots of my issues, but I can normally come pretty close to knowing what triggered any self destructive behavior or negative mindset.

In this post I want to discuss my struggle with suicidal thoughts.

I know this is a topic that doesn’t get discussed as freely and often as it should.

according to an article written in May of 2017, over 9 million people in America alone consider killing themselves every year.

and to me, that number seems small.

I know several people who have also struggled with thoughts of suicide and unfortunately I knew several people who lost their battles.

I hope that if you are struggling right now you can draw inspiration from my story to seek out help, you should never have to deal with this alone.

before I continue I’m going to leave the number to the suicide hotline here, in case anyone can’t remember the name of that one Logic song, and because it’s a great outlet right at your fingertips, please take advantage of it if you feel the need.

1-800-273-8255, there’s an online chat option if you feel like a phone call would be uncomfortable, remember it’s anonymous, and NO ONE is ever going to judge you for taking care of yourself.

now onto my story.

until I was, around 9 I had no idea what suicide was, I didn’t realize that was an option.

I had a fairly standard childhood, I don’t remember that much to be honest.

I know my parents loved me and my siblings, but I also know they weren’t around much.

both of my parents worked full time and on call as anesthesiologists at the hospital in North Platte and we had a nanny to watch us during the day.

the bulk of my childhood memories revolve around time spent with babysitters and nannies and being forced to go to piano lessons and volleyball practice and dance lessons and the typical childhood stuff.

when I was young I didn’t want to partake in a lot of the stuff my parents signed me up for which I think is normal for young kids, I really wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self to suck it up and accept the blessings they were giving me.

but as a little 7 year old being forced to play soccer when all I wanted to do was build forts in my backyard, I couldn’t see how privileged I was to be given these opportunities.

to me, it seemed like the only time I saw my parents was when they were taking me to and from these things and even then my nanny took me to the bulk of the activities, so you’d think I’d enjoy going out and playing sports cause I got to see my parents, but that wasn’t the case.

I wanted to quit them so that we’d have time to stay at home and play hide and seek and just normal kid stuff.

as a little kid though you have no way of conveying that’s what you’re thinking, instead, all you can do is throw a fit and come off as a total brat.

so growing up with your parents not around is kind of rough and I think that really set me up for some not so great life experiences.

I never learned how to communicate with my parents, I never talked with them about important things like religion, boys, puberty, etc.

they sure tried to talk to me about it, but I never reciprocated that connection, I thought if I kept all my issues to myself then I’d seem stronger and more put together.

now all this detail about my childhood, which honestly was a great childhood, I am truly blessed, I know there are so many people out there with stories so so so much worse than mine, anyways, this just explains how I never learned to communicate or find a healthy outlet for my emotions because I only wanted to talk to my parents about all the cool stuff I did that day and not serious issues.

suicide had never crossed my mind until I was probably 11 or 12, I was a really early bloomer and my hormones basically turned me into a tyrant.

I was constantly mad at everything and I found that rebelling against my parents was going to be my new outlet.

I died my hair, I smeared black eyeliner on, I bought black lipstick, I wore all black clothes (still do, but it’s fashion), I listened to loud, angry music, I painted my nails black, I quit going to church, or when I did I was mad about it, I turned into the stereotype you’re already probably picturing.

but the thing is, I wasn’t just changing my outward appearance and physical state, my mental state was deteriorating.

it takes so much energy to be mad all the time and it was exhausting me.

I felt terrible about myself, I turned to starving myself and cutting myself and then eventually binge eating hoping it would somehow make me feel better.

I had a voice in the back of my head telling me it would all go away if I just ended it.

on several occasions I remember raiding our medicine cabinet hoping to find something I knew I could overdose on.

I remember holding a handful of ibuprofen up to my mouth hoping that if I swallowed it I would just disappear, but God was watching me.

he’d been with me this whole time no matter how many times I denied him.

something told me it wouldn’t be worth it, I told myself it wouldn’t work, I’d just end up getting my stomach pumped, and then everything would be worse afterwards.

I didn’t do it.

moving to a new town certainly saved my life in some aspects, for those that don’t know, I moved right before my eighth grade year, I transferred from a lutheran school to a public middle school.

it was quite the shock, it definitely was beneficial but also detrimental for my mental health.

I continued to struggle with the thoughts of suicide all throughout high school.

my junior year of high school was when everything peaked.

I’d made a dumb mistake that summer before without thinking about the consequences.

I lost a lot of friends and those that were once my friends were now the closest thing to bullies I’d ever experienced.

it made me sick to wake up in the morning knowing I’d have to go to school and see them everyday.

the things that were said to me were unbelievably cruel.

I remember driving around late at night just debating if I should drive my car into a light pole or a ditch, I remember considering driving head on into the oncoming traffic on many occasions.

but everytime I almost made the worst decision of my life, God intervened.

now I have never been an extremely religious person, I was raised in the church, my mom has always been on the worship team wherever we were, and my father is an extremely spiritual man, but it never translated to me until this summer.

so during this whole time, I never once sat down and prayed and asked God for advice, yet he somehow still got me through everything.

eventually, junior year ended, and there I was.

still standing.

I met a boy and I fell in love and we were together for my entire senior year, and then in late December, my self esteem dropped.

my mental health was beginning to deteriorate and thoughts of suicide rushed through my brain.

I tried to explain to him what was happening to me, but I couldn’t find the right words and he had issues going on in his life he needed to cope with, and eventually after struggling with thoughts of killing myself for 5 months, I couldn’t take it anymore.

I had a full mental breakdown in May and after months of living in a broken relationship, torn apart by my inability to love myself, we ended things.

it destroyed me for a few weeks, but I invested myself so heavily in my job and I changed gyms and started hanging out with friends whenever I could, I just sort of ignored it.

it was when nobody was around and I was home doing nothing that feelings of immense depression overtook me.

I struggled with the worst season of binge eating I’ve ever experienced this summer.

I wouldn’t get out of bed until 1pm on a good day, I’d stay out till 5am, and then repeat the cycle.

then I had my awakening, God was still watching me, he was hoping I’d find him on my own, but that wasn’t the case.

he sent one of my best friends to save me.

I spilled out everything, every bad thought, every raw emotion I’d been holding inside, and I felt free.

they told me about God’s grace and mercy and his never ending forgiveness.

they said “if God can forgive you, why can’t you forgive yourself?”.

I started to look in the mirror and instead of hating the person I’d become, I started appreciating myself for overcoming what I’ve been through.

instead of hating my body, I appreciated it for all the amazing things it’s capable of.

instead of living in regret for past decisions, I let them go.

I stopped dwelling.

but here I am today, laying on my bedroom floor, and I’ll admit that yesterday I wasn’t happy with myself, and the day before that, and the day before that, and even right now I know I’m not 100% content with myself.

and that’s okay.

I still struggle with thoughts of suicide, I have been for 7 years.

I will never be perfect.

I may never stop having dark thoughts, but I will never give in.

I know I have a purpose, I know I have worth, I know I am not useless.

and neither are you.

none of us are.

we are all beautifully and wonderfully made and God loves us so much, it’s completely unfathomable.

if you are struggling today and you need someone to talk, feel free to talk to me, I am here for anyone, but before you talk to me,

I want you to pray.

ask for guidance, ask for forgiveness, and know that you are loved, no matter how far you think you stray from the Lord, he is always right there beside you, just waiting for you to call on him.

now I know there’s a lot I didn’t cover in this, even though it’s very long, but I will continue posting these, hence why this is only part one.

each one discussing different issues I have dealt with and I’m sure some of you are experiencing.

I really hope this helped you, even if it didn’t, I hope you can understand for just a second that God loves you, he always has, and always will.

[gigageekmag]

Comic Book Review: Calico

CALICO ISSUE #1

Welcome back GiGa Community; as you all know, at fifteen years old, in 1992, I had an opportunity and pleasure of interning at Marvel Comics in Manhattan, New York; Spider-man office to be exact.  It was during that year that I had delved into the comic book industry, soaking it all in, down to my very fabric of my soul.  I loved all of the intellectual properties, their stories, and the craft; I knew I wanted Comics to be a part of my future life story.   I was a fan of some characters, and ambivalent to others, but never the less, just like family I loved them all (Some more than others of course); the environment moved my soul.  To this day, I still find being an artist to be one of my first loves, and comic books satisfied that yearning.  The culmination of efforts between a writer, penciler, inker, letterer, colorist, and editor was to me, an amalgamation of geniuses at work.  I love and respect the craft.

Sigma Comics

GiGa: GeekMagazine was contacted by Sigma Comics asking for an honest review of their newly released comic series, Calico.  I was unsure of who this new IP was that was entering the competitive arena, so I did superficial research, watched an interview, and a review; it seemed to be worth the read.   The first complimentary comic came and as busy as I am, I opened it and felt the cover art seemed acceptable for a comic book in 2021, but I didn’t have a peaceful undisturbed moment to read it, so I left it on my desk to be ready for the day I found a free opportunity to read it, then write a review.  My family and I left the house for a few hours, and when I returned I went straight to my office and hadn’t realized the comic was no longer on my desk.  A few seconds after I sat down, my daughter calls me, “Papi, look what Ivi did”!

Ivi Snow knew She really did it this time.

Ivi Snow is one of my two white German Shepherds, she is 1½ years old, so I am accustomed to finding “surprises” when we come back home; I thought it was poop again. A minute later my daughter comes to my office holding my complimentary issue of Calico in shreds.  Needless to say I was peeved and Ivi knew it. Then I remembered what the premise of the comic was.  “NYC HAS A NEW ANTI–HERO. Every day millions of animals are abused and killed. Animal rights groups and charities try to help, yet the savagery continues.”  Sigma Comics appears to be committed to fighting animal abuse. I laughed at the irony of this moment and took a picture of her with the destroyed comic, apparently, she enjoyed the comic.  I couldn’t read it, as a substantial part of the first few pages were now gone.  With that above picture attached to an email to Sigma comics, I humbly apologized and requested another review copy, I was willing to pay for it at this point, but the great people at Sigma found humor in the event as well and sent me another. When the next copy arrived I kept it in my safe this time, and that night when I was done with work, I read it before I went to bed.  I opened the cover and this time, I was able to really absorb the content.   I applauded the first impression, it was transparent in showing their allegiance to the cause, “American Humane”, as a parent to two German Shepherds, I was sold. 

The first page was gripping, showing an example of the atrocities committed upon animals and the visualization was almost too tough to bear, but I was roped in, I had to read on.  We get our first glimpse into the soul of our Anti-Hero on page two, with tears running from angry eyes, the penciler, inker, and colorist nailed the conviction this character was driven by, and we’re then introduced to Calico “A one-man arsenal of destruction in constant pursuit of justice for the smallest and weakest among us…” 

In his apartment he works his frustration on a double end bag, his thoughts speak poignant commentary as to the nature of life being nothing but conflict in every facet of existence and we see where his psychological state dwells; he’s scared and/or resentful of life and bitterly expresses this in his own twisted way.  The Boxing Gym advertisement on page 5 could easily be dismissed as fictitious until a little research clarified that it is indeed a real business; as an ex-fighter boxer, martial artist, and ex-body guard myself, I respected that blurring between fantasy and reality as it was perfectly in line with the tale that I was uploading to my brain.

The writer then takes the reader on a journey through the life of Calico, recalling childhood memories of being bullied.  This alludes to post traumatic damage; he hates bullies and had long since made the decision to suffer them no longer.  We next accompany the protagonist from his apartment to a local boxing gym where he trains and prepares for an upcoming tournament, and while there, he loses himself in the art of combat.  His thoughts become louder than spoken words; he’s a fighter with unfortunate luck, struggling skill, and lots of animosity.  Here is where the reader learns this character has no reservation about the thought of condemning the abuser to death and that animals were his only friends since his youth.

Page 8 we’re given a full frontal nude of the hero in the shower after leaving the gym, even in the shower he’s consumed by antipathy as conveyed by more flashbacks of the same bully from his youth; he’s never recovered from those years.  This memory was different, ironically, it was in this recollection where he was impressed by an alley-cat that scared off the bully and his dog, which serves as a perfect transition into revealing his super-hero outfit emblazoned with a black cat’s profile in front of what appears to be a moon.  He also has a flying robotic AI assistant named Bumble that is a metallic sphere with one camera eye. Then, we’re back to his childhood memories, this time he evokes the very first time he inflicted pain by punching that bully in the face before fleeing the scene.  Page 13 is where things escalate quickly, so I won’t spoil it for interested readers.

So here’s my honest review and rating:

Comic book Production:   I feel the writing could have been more impacting and/or expansive; a name would have been nice to have, but it served its purpose; The art is what communicated the story the most.  Lettering was great, the penciling and inking were acceptable as well, but gets a little hard to understand what’s happening during the murder scene.   

The Character: His real name is never revealed, but from how Calico was insultingly called a “Dominican York” translated from Spanish, he is likely Latino. I think the character is less anti-hero and more of a deranged, sociopathic, villain with post-traumatic stress. He’s fed a list of targets by an unknown accomplice, he intends to kill, (and/or violate) which to me is the modus operandi of a serial killer. I couldn’t see the word “Hero” being applicable to this guy in anyway.

The full frontal nude, to me, was unnecessary, but being a student at the Art Institute of Atlanta I’ve drawn male nudes before, so I respect the art, 100%.  That scene only became awkward after the second penis comment. Which helped me to get a better understanding  of the mind of the protagonist as portrayed and communicated by the writer. I think the outfit really is too similar to Black Panther.

As per the multiple male phallus related comments and insults, along with, what I found to be excessive homo-erotic language, it seemed in my humble opinion, as if there’s other unresolved issues besides being bullied that Calico has never addressed.   In one scene, I had to look at one scene under better light to understand that Calico actually violates or rapes his victim with a red hot pipe, all while making references to size; he says to his victim, “Relax! It’s only one-inch thick pipe. In penis size its only four-inch girth. You got this”.  the last unnecessary thing I read that really nailed the coffin shut for me was the statement, “F*** em. Hard. in the @ss. With no vaseline”.

Concept: I personally, don’t think the character could have longevity, and if so possibly as a novelty act; appropriate for an 8-Issue Series. He possibly may develop a fan base, but with a very niche market.  He is not a “Deadpool” type of anti-hero, I’d say this brooding character is damaged psychologically which easily could bleed over into villainy. I couldn’t see the Dark Knight tolerating this character, or working with him in any way, and would probably bring him to justice.  In comparison to other anti-heroes, such as Hulk, Ghost Rider, Blade, or the Punisher, I’d say even Frank Castle wouldn’t see his motivations, means, or ends as acceptable.  I see a more deviant sociopathic “Joker” kind of weirdness from Calico minus the smiles and laughing.

Conclusion:  It’s a comic book, it fits the criteria. I wasn’t left feeling like I want to read more, but I am only one man, with one opinion worth 2 cents.  I endeavor to say it could have been written for a broader appeal to a wider audience; for me, I feel the niche-aspect will leave some put off or uninterested.  But somehow, I’m sure this will pull the targeted audience it was meant for.  In the end, Sigma successfully this debut is a great accomplishment for the creators and production team and for that I salute and respect their creative vision, hard work, and love for the craft.  I’d give it 3 out 5 Stars ★★★☆☆ ~Jack~

Image Sources: > https://sigmacomics.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/sigma-comics-large.jpg > https://prnewswire2-a.akamaihd.net/p/1893751/sp/189375100/thumbnail/entry_id/1_gapzb7c1/def_height/800/def_width/520/version/100011/type/1

Comic Book Review: Calico was originally published on GIGA: GeekMagazine

[inkdrinkershadowsinger]

The best parts of Where We Are audiobook

·         Niall’s sounds the most scripted like he actually took time to think about these questions, and write down his responses.

·         He has one of the best vocabularies in the band.

·         “Didn’t get to finish school or do his exams.”

·         The fact that there was one suitcase in Niall’s house that they actually referred to as “the little suitcase.”

·         Laughing when he said, “Obviously we’ve managed to last more than six months.”

·         “Slugged it out in the back of a Mercedes van?” Slugged it out? In a Mercedes Niall, really?

·         “The band’s horizon’s seemed to be getting bigger and bigger every day.”

·         About the fans: “The fans are out of this world helping us.” He loves us.

·         Talking about when he got kicked out of a cab when they heard they got number one. “Me and my friend were just punching the head off each other and having a laugh.”

·         “Struts.”

·         “I don’t really get homesick where as some of the lads would, but it’s not going to last forever so might as well enjoy it as much as I can now.”

·         About the trip to Ghana. “People out there are incredible, their spirits are mindboggling. You can only try your best for them when you admire them so much.” He was great talking about this.

·         He has the best perspective about the trip out of all the boys. When he’s talking about the water and how he’s got a fridge at home full of it and taps, but they don’t have a bit of it. You can tell that he appreciated and really felt what the trip was supposed to be about.

·         “For a man who loves his sleep that can only be good to be fair. I do waste a lot of my life sleeping.”

·         “YOU EITHER WANT TO BE PAPPED OR YOU DON’T.” He didn’t scream that, I just thought all caps were important there.

·         “do the job so home then mostly sit in my house. I don’t go on many holidays. I prefer to sit in my house mostly.”

·         “London Premiere best day he’s had in his career to date.” Then he goes on to name 800 other things that he liked too, “but the film premiere is 100% right up there. It was a huge moment for us…..”

·         “Them two idiots up the back.” Him and Louis at the Premiere/

·         “In typical One Direction style we were terrible at it.”

·         Success of Midnight Memories “We were just delighted.” I love how he says delighted.

·         “He brought me down to Chelsea and I became part of the furniture down there.” About his rehab after his knee surgery.

·         “We were confident of One Direction, and we work hard to make the band succeed.”

·         “Trepidation.” Great Word.

·         “Typical mad One Direction Style.”

·         “Croke Park was a special one.”

·         Best Ending: “but you know what? I’m still mad about being in this band.”

  Liam

·         “I’d come home completely covered in mud after playing football, eventually I had a pair of trousers for every single day of the week cause it was impossible for my mom to keep up with the washing.”

·         “Sitting in half my classes covered in mud.”

·         “My dad was amazing. He was my driving force to get out there and perform to people.”

·         “Maybe he wasn’t that crazy after all, maybe he can just see the future.”

·         “You know about all the dreadful disappointment about being rejected them like the overwhelming excitement of being put into a band with these other four lads, but to this day the moment they revealed they were putting us into One Direction is still the most amazing memory it’s still hard to believe.” They always talked about this, but never described like that.

·         “It’s hard to think we were thrown into the deep end so quick.”

·         “Our guardian angel was our fans.” Liam loves us too. Bless his little heart.

·         “an army of fans out there promoting and championing our band which you know you really can’t buy. So brilliant.” Keep the compliments coming.

·         “I feel like we haven’t really celebrated that.” Talking about the first album tour.

·         “You have to respect the idea that you just can’t walk out on to an arena stage.”

·         “Proper New York cold.”

·         How he says Lady Gaga and crazy in this sentence here “I think we set a new record beating Lady Gaga which was craazzyy.” It was funny.

·         “I remember staying up til stupid o’clock in the morning signing 500 CDS.”

·         The school trip story to the O2 a.k.a the Millennium Dome: “but I was just a dippy kid back then so my parents thought Ruth (his sister) would remember and appreciate the day more than me cause I’d been just bouncing off the walls and doing stupid stuff. So I did a little chuckle to myself when I got there ass I actually got to the millennium dome for free.” 

·         “This job can make you very self centered if you’re not careful.”

·         “and I was absolutely terrible at listening which I always have been.”

·         Class of 92 movie premiere: “He (David Beckham) like clocked me from across the room and you know when lads give each other the nod? Well, like I kind of gave him the nod cause he was saying like wazup (yes, wazup, that is not a typo), and he gave me the nod back, and then to my like shock he came over and said like hey how’s it going you alright Liam and shook my hand, and I was like this is mad like David Beckham just gave me the manly nod from the other side of the room and that’s like the sickest thing like….”

·         YES HE SAID LIKE THAT MANY TIMES. IT IS LIAM’S #FAVORITE WORD.

·         And no, I didn’t make that story up, oh, though I wish I had.

Louis

·         “I think I’ve always had persistence which I suppose I probably got from my mom, uh, she always encouraged me to do what I wanted to do and always just told me to give it my best and that’s what I try to do.”

·         “My mom’s pretty much the first person I go to for advice. You know I have a great relationship with my mom.” The first few minutes are devoted to talking about his momma, and I love that.

·         “We can travel the world which I don’t think, well, I know I wouldn’t have even been to America nevermind all the amazing places we’ve been at this age.”

·         “Doncaster is great, but you know I kind of wanted to see the world.”

·         “Even when we try our hardest to be sensible and mature we don’t do a very good job.”

·         Proof that Louis has seen This is Us, at least more than a couple of times. “You get taken away and bang you’re in this lifestyle and it is very alien.” Paul said nearly this same thing in the movie.

·         He loses his train of thought for a second when he’s talking about where he’s from. “ not many people from Donny record many albums, but anyway.” He says that ending very fast.

·         “There were often times I stand there and wonder how much the comments were relevant to me because my contributions to the band in my opinion at that time were so small.” Poor babe, but look at ya now.

·         “Delighted to be in the band.” Do they all say this word so wonderfully?

·         “It’s only been about since Midnight Memories that album that I’ve really felt comfortable with my voice.”

·         About the fans: “Little superfans trying to spread the word throughout the world.” More proof that Louis literally watches This Is Us every night before he goes to bed. Simon says this near the beginning of the movie, talking about the superfans.

·         The mattress story: “You wouldn’t get that now (the hesitation) they’d be straight down.”

·         “Four countries in four days.” Did he mean states?”

·         About a fan encounter after coming back from a tour. “It all got a bit aggressive I think I got me hoodie ripped off from me and I remember they dragged us into this tiny office with some police officers and the fans were outside surrounding it just banging on the walls. Yeah, it was intense. It definitely made us think there is some proper support there.”

·         About his man crush on David Beckham: “I’ve always idolized David Beckham. I just think he’s the coolest guy ever. Two or three of the lads me him before ME ( His tone is all like, How dare they?), and they had pictures with him right and I just saw these pictures on twitter and I was like what’s going on here I’d love to have met David, Becks, but anyway I did get to meet him in the end. I went to the Class of 92 premiere and uh, I’m just rubbish. I was trying to be cool, but you just can’t. I mean what do you say that is remotely impressive to David Beckham.”

·         He uses we a lot, not really I. It’s we did this, or we wanted that. That’s very interesting.

·         About Midnight Memories: “That we had a real, that we felt like we had a proper creative input on, not just a little bit, but we felt that we had a say over the whole thing.”

·         “it’s incredibly rewarding to be able to make music.”

·         “We’re very lucky that we have great fans that I feel like if we messed up on stage I wouldn’t really feel that embarrassed because I feel like they’re so behind you anyway that it’s cool and they kind of put you at ease too which is a nice feeling which is why it almost encourages us to mess about and be a little off the cuff on stage because they made it easy for us in that way.”

·         “I just feel like a Donny lad that got lucky.”

·         “Maybe when were older and wiser we might be able to put some perspective on it, but….it’s cool.

Zayn

·         “My own personality, individually….”

·         About playing characters/ acting: “When you’re in a band and you’re just portraying who you are as maybe as you know as a musical artist if you’re just trying to sing and be able the music then you’re just being yourself and I think behind that is, is probably the coolest thing to do, but at the same time it also adds pressure because that’s just you and that’s just who you are.”

·         Even to the sense that like when I was twelve or thirteen, I kind of still thought there’d be a chance I’d get super powers and be a superhero. So, I was definitely a dreamer. It took me a bit longer to grow out of that.” He shouldn’t have. I liked this version of Zayn better to be honest.

·         Reiterating: “Yeah, I was definitely a dreamer.”

·         The story we’ve heard 8,000 times about how Louis told him about the plane doing the loopdy loop the first time he was ever on a plane. Like you can just see Louis, stoic face, calm, just flat out lying to Zayn just to mess with him.

·         While on the X-Factor: “And we were in this little box room with bunk beds and a single bed.” Okay, so, who demanded the single bed?

·         Also the X-Factor: “And just seeing other people’s behavior, and you know how they would act and how they would do something or whatever and we were like maybe necessarily we don’t want to do it that way maybe we want to be a bit cooler about that you know we don’t want to wear our sunglasses inside and be weird.”

·         Liam mentioned some cattiness from the other contestants during his bit, I wonder how much of that they faced directly.

·         “Instead of being something else we were just interested in each other, and looking after each other, and being a band and being what we were about.”

·         About people recognizing them from the X-Factor: “one of the biggest shows…in the U.K. at that point.” Shady….or no?

·         “Somebody else…” “a different band” I’m pretty sure he’s the only one who didn’t name Big Time Rush directly.

·         About the blonde streak: “I forgot that I had the Olympics the next day?” Really???? Side eyes him suspiciously.

·         Good phrase: “You’ve made more of a noise.” I liked that.

·         “Sometimes I look to solo artists and feel a bit sorry for them.” Huh?

Harry

·         “I think I had a nice upbringing. My family was really nice to me.” Then he laughs because was that too sarcastic or not? Laugh, Harry, laugh so they know you were just joking.

·         “I grew up thinking everyone’s equal, everyone’s the same.”

·         When he looks at stuff from the X-Factor: “I look like I’m about twelve, and uh, I think it’s amazing to try to comprehend the fact that I was a kid.” – I read that way too heartbreakingly than I’m sure he meant it.

·         “Walking into a record label I always felt like I was walking onto a different planet.”

·         Describing the record studio: “There was like marble everywhere and it was all like shiney.”

·         About being excited about releasing the first album, the first songs after all the support the fans had given them before there was even an album. “It was time for us to give them something back.”

·         “I think we were just praying that people liked it because if they didn’t they’d be like uh, oh okay, maybe not I’ll go home.”

·         “The album had just gone number two,” mumbles…”thanks, Rhianna.” This kid is such a dork.

·         Then he talks about his hard on for sunshine, and all things being outside for at least five minutes.

·         Example: “Even if your car breaks down you’re just chilling in the sun for a bit. It’s actually not that bad.”

·         When they talk about coming back to the U.K. after that first major tour and getting chased by all those girls they all sound so excited, like of I got me hoodie ripped off and Liam lost a shoe and girls were banging on the walls and police had to escort us out, but It was totally great, would recommend 10 out of 10… except for Niall, I’m pretty sure the poor kid was traumatized…. That, or they are still in that I don’t want to offend anyone area.

·         Example: “We ended up going out in like a riot van which was probably a little over the top, but uh,…. It was fun.”

·         How he says, “Shopping mall.”

·         About all the promo and etc. “It was important for us to like justify why the album was number one.”

·         “Standing on the stage used to make me really nervous.” But look at you now….

·         About the second album: “I think you just want to people to hear it, and think it’s wicked.”

·         About putting out new material: “I think first of all you want people to not hate it then if people don’t’ hate it you want them to like it and if people like it you’re like uh,…..”

·         His thoughts on getting number one: “Then I was like sick, then it hit me.”

·         “My job, if you can call it a job.”

·         The trip to Ghana. He talks about it so well. “That it is different when you see it on TV than when you witness it in real life. The thing that triggers a different emotion is like all your senses are taken over by what’s going on, the smell, the smoke, the heat….”

·         “I think a big difference is made up of a bunch of little differences.”

·         “I think gossip is natural.” That would explain his sort of distance that he puts between him and any sort of news that goes out about him. It’s because he knows that its constantly in flux, and anything he says will only be magnified, and that it will make it stay around longer if he does. There just hasn’t been anything out that he really feels like he needs to comment on, but I think he would if he felt it was necessary.

·         “It’s important to remember that the job and the lifestyle aren’t normal.”

·         “It’s always going to be us the people who went through it.”

[arazialotis]

The Thunder Rolls - Part 2

Pairing: Dean × Reader

Word Count: About 3800

Summary: Dean and Sam are on a case in your hometown but the trail is running cold. Dean is hoping to make a move before they leave town and start another case. Based of the Garth Brooks song with the same title.

Part 1

Warnings: Domestic Violence, Swearing

Please, if you are or ever find yourself in a situation of domestic violence, *do not hesitate* to reach out for help, support, or just to talk to someone about what is going on. The United States National Hotline (24/7 and Confidential) is 1-800-799-7233. This blog (http://togetherweare-strong.tumblr.com/helpline) also has hotlines for multiple other countries.

This is purely for a hobby and my enjoyment. Maybe some of you will enjoy it too. I am by no means a writer so I apologize in advance for any mistakes or grammatical/spelling errors. 

---

By the time you rolled home it was a full downpour, it was obvious the storm was only building and there was no clear end in sight. You showered to wash away the burden of a full work day but it still had not calmed you. Travis was still not home. Guilt hit you as you imagined him partaking in an affair. What if he was caught in the storm or worse, was in an accident. You dialed his number for a second time that evening but it only rang to be picked up by his voicemail. Surrendering, you dressed in your plaid flannel pajama pants and a gray v-neck t and went to find the relief of sleep.

As much as you tried to close your eyes in bed, you tossed and turned as your thoughts raced. Eventually, you couldn’t take lying down any longer. You paced the hallways by the front window waiting for his truck to pull in. You bit the nails of one hand while the other clung tight to your cell phone not wanting to miss his call if it came. A big crack of lightning flashed across the sky causing you to jump.

Rarely did you use alcohol to self medicate, seeing what it had done to Travis, but you felt as if your heart would beat out of your chest. You poured out whiskey over two cubes of ice, at least two shots worth. The whiskey burned your throat as you forced a healthy dose down causing you to hiss at the pain. Travis’ preference was more harsh than it was balanced, but it continued to warm you on its way down. You pressed the cold glass to your head to try and help numb your thoughts. It worked for a while, you lost track of time as you leaned against the counter.

It was 3:30 in the morning when you immediately noticed the light of headlamps sweep through the house being such a contrast to the regularly sharp flash of lightning. You instantly poured the remainder of the drink into the sink and left the cup on the counter. You practically ran out the front entrance and embraced your husband as soon as he shut the pick up’s door.

“I was so worried you may have been in an accident.” You explained seeking out comfort from him but he remained rigid.

That’s when you smelled it. Hidden between the scents of rain and alcohol, you smelled a sweet perfume, something you rarely, if not ever, wore. The lightning cracked in the sky and a roll of thunder roared loud enough to shake the ground. You knew your suspicion of an affair was true. You back away slowly and turned to run inside trying not to let him see you cry.

“Y/N.” You heard him call your name. You continued to run back into the kitchen, leaning over the sink afraid you may heave.

“Y/N.” His voice grew louder and every time it felt like a knife stabbing you in the gut.

When he reached the kitchen, he grabbed and yanked your wrist with such force it caused pain to ripple up into your shoulder in order to face him instead of the sink.

You couldn’t hold it in any longer. “How could you?” You demanded with tears and he answered you with a crooked smile. “Tell me Travis! How?”

“I put up with so much, you ungrateful bitch! Always whining and complaining, saying how I am not good enough for you.” Travis yelled.

“Are you kidding me?” You almost laughed at your newfound courage. “I have worked my ass off to make this work! I have been loyal, patient, understanding, submissive…” He cut you off smacking you hard across face, cracking just like the lightning outside. You held your face in complete disbelief as tears started to well up from the shock, he had never hit you in the face before.

“You selfish bitch,” he spat and threw you against the counter. “What I have to put up with. You think I wanted this life, to be tied to you.” You fell to the ground. “You are pathetic, you know that? So what, I have been sleeping around? You are a bore in bed and pitiful to look at.” He kicked you in the chest. “Who would want to look at those hideous bruises and scars while fucking anyway?”  

You gasped for breath and tried to crawl away. He stalked you like a cat stalked its prey, watching you attempt to escape but never giving you full control. You crawled into the hallway and struggled to pull yourself up onto two feet. Travis assisted you by grabbing your hair and yanking you up. He smashed you against the wall and pinned you to it with his body. His forearm pressed against your throat making it difficult to breathe.

“But that’s never stopped me, has it?” His fingers slipped under your shirt and caressed your side. He leaned in to whisper in your ear, you could feel his hot breath on your face. “You like it, don’t you.” He said it in a way that sounded like a revelation. “Being pushed around, roughened up… submitting.”

His fingers slid along the rim of your pajama bottoms and upon reaching the front undid the ribbon with one pull of the string. You sensed something was wrong about him, he typically didn’t give a damn about you or show this much malevolence. Maybe it was just the night because you felt different too, like the storm outside was raging inside your own heart.

“Not today Travis,” you sneered and spit in his face using it as a distraction to create a bit of space to knee him right in the groin.

As Travis groaned in pain, you sprinted down the hallway into the bedroom. You knew he would not be far behind and cried out in pain as you strained yourself pulling the dresser to act as a barricade. You frantically searched in Travis’ nightstand and under the bed for a pistol you knew he kept somewhere. The pounding came from the other side of the door as he called your name. You were terrified to go closer, but you had to search the dresser. Your heart accelerated as you looked through his drawers and he continued to pound. But you found it at last.

You retreated to the back corner of the room praying to God you wouldn’t have to use it. You didn’t have a lot of experience with guns, but you had enough. You checked to see if it was loaded, switched the safety off, and cocked it aiming it at the door. Eventually, the pounding at the door ceased and you sighed in relief hoping he would leave you alone for the rest of the night.

All was quiet, aside from the drops of rain hitting the window. You allowed yourself to slide down the wall and brought your knees to your chest, still not letting the pistol out of your hand. You were finally calm enough for your thoughts to start racing again. You had to leave him, you couldn’t keep living like this. Your mind went to Dean, would he be willing to help? He was the only thing different in this town, it was clear no one here would help you. They would suggest marriage counseling through the church or trying to make Travis happier. It wouldn't make a difference when every other night you would put up with it, control yourself, and behave and what seemed to be turning slowly into the need to fight for your life.

You wanted to pack a bag, to leave tonight, probably stay in a motel until you had things figured out. As you got up off the ground, you winced from the pain in your back and ribs. Before you even had the chance to start your way to the closet, the door flew open with such force that the dresser slid across the room smashing into the wall and causing the picture window to crack. You screamed in fear seeing Travis walk through, a look of murder in his eyes.

Without thinking, you drew up the pistol and shot in his direction, crying out as you did. Your ears rung, yet the room was silent, and felt wrong. Travis was still standing, with his eyes closed. You saw the bullet hole directly in his forehead and blood on the wall behind him. You watched in horror as he remained standing confused on why he wouldn't have collapsed.

Through the ringing in your ears and the thunder, you heard a low chuckle. The lightning flashed and his eyes opened to pitch black. You put your free hand over your mouth to afraid to make a sound.

“What a rush to the head!” He exclaimed excitedly, his eyes flashing back to normal only with streaks of blood through them.

Your heart stopped, this wasn’t real, you had to be hallucinating. But there he was clear as day. You were frozen with panic.

He felt the back of his head. “Now, that’s going to take a while to patch back up.” He slyly looked at you and licked his lips. “But you’ll be a lovely little distraction.”

You held up the gun again at his threat, unsure it would do any good but letting him know you were not going down without a fight.

“You’ve grown feisty,” He observed. “I think that should make this all the more fun.” He purred.

As he took a step towards you, you unapologetically fired two rounds, one missing him all together and the other landing in his chest. “You're going to regret that.” He hummed happily.

You fired another shot into his shoulder but it was clear you were not stopping him, just slowing him down. Tears slide silently down your face as you felt defeated and expected the worse, when your brain took control of your body not yet giving up. You fired again, two shots, this time at the window. It cracked even further and by the time you jumped over the bed and launched yourself into it, it shattered, setting you free into the open.

No time was wasted to look back, you took off running through the storm, within seconds soaked by the pouring rain. You ran as far as adrenaline would take you. You stopped to catch your breath and realized you were in the downtown area, which for this town was only about two blocks worth of businesses. Not wanting to be exposed, you led yourself into a small alleyway between two buildings. Leaning your back against the wall, you tried to catch your breath but your whole body was shaking with adrenaline and fear. The gun seemed glued to your hand almost unwilling to let go.

You allowed yourself a couple of sobs, but when it felt like the sobs were needing to be turned to screams of horror, you forced yourself to stop not wanting to wake someone.  Distracting yourself, you walked the streets and alleyways trying to come up with a plan. Your mind flashed to Dean and you cursed yourself as his card was in your purse that was still at home. As you walked, you tried to convince yourself it was for the best, it wouldn’t be good calling a fed with a gun in your hand, trying to explain you had just shot your husband three times but that he was unaffected and wanted to kill you slowly enjoying every bit of it.

Upon your feet leading you to the only motel downtown, you realized you wouldn’t be able to stay there having no money on you. There was no question you could go to your family’s house. They would start asking questions and accusing you. Not to mention probably calling Travis, alerting him to your location.

That’s when you saw it. A familiar old black car. Something in your memory clicked but it took you a while to visualize it. You remembered Dean and his partner earlier this week, chatting at the diner, leaving payment on their booth and then walking outside. Getting into that car and driving off. Your body dragged you closer to the car without your full awareness. You guessed which hotel room was theirs on the bases of where the car was parked. Your free hand raised to knock on the door as your whole body continued to shiver. A voice inside your head said this was the most stupid idea you had ever had, but you went with your gut and tapped on the door three times.

---

The lead early the evening had sounded promising but turned into a total bust. Sam had centered a few of the crimes to a nearby factory. There was definitely sulfur in the men’s locker room but after hours of interviewing the crews and giving them a plastic water bottle containing holy water, Dean ‘accidentally’ spilling some on those who would not drink, it was clear the demon had moved on or his vessel worked another shift.

Sam had found another case a couple states over and argued that it was more pressing than the current one. Dean argued back saying that they weren’t going to leave a job only halfway finished. Sam agreed to one more day of interviewing 1st and 2nd shifters at the factory, but was not going to agree to stay any longer.

The storm got worse but both Sam and Dean were able to fall asleep. Dean was traditionally a light sleeper without alcohol and tonight's beers wore off early. When he woke from dreams he assumed it was a clap of thunder but the pounding continued. He concentrated harder when the pounding halted and then repeated. It finally hit him that someone was knocking at the door. He picked up the alarm clock bringing it closer to his face to get a clearer view of the time but the hour of the morning confused him more. He grabbed his pistol from under his pillow and then threw the pillow at Sam waking him up.

Sam jolted up looking around for trouble, but saw Dean with his pistol in hand and finger to his lips. Dean nodded to the door with his head and the knocking repeated again. Sam got up and found the demon knife stepping behind his brother ready for whatever was on the other side of the door.

The motel had no peep hole so Dean put his ear against the door looking for any other clues. He heard ‘please’ barely whispered and then just two more very soft and gentle knocks. Dean put his pistol down and motioned to Sam to lower the knife. Sam did, but did not let go of it.

Dean opened the door to the storm outside and there you were right in the entry way soaked to the bone, shivering and the pistol still in your hand. He could see that your cheek was red and swollen and that your gray t-shirt didn’t hide your bruises as well as your shirt from the bar.

It took a second for Dean, still in the haze of sleep to recognize you but when he did he quickly guided you into the room. “Y/N?” He asked worried.

Sam closed the door and turned on the light as Dean led you. Sam went for the holy water, but Dean held out his hand to pause him. Dean guided you to sit down on his bed, you remained silent formulating your story, preparing for an FBI interrogation. Neither of them asked you any questions, Dean went to work trying to comfort you while Sam eyed you suspiciously. Dean wrapped two towels around your shoulder and used a washcloth to try and dry your hair when you didn’t respond to him offering it to you.

Your hair was still wet but no longer dripping, and Dean knelt down to try and meet your downward facing gaze, hoping to revive you from your catatonic state.

He brushed a strand of hair that was in your face aside and simply asked you, “Y/N, what happened?”

The pistol finally fell from your hand, you curled in on yourself not wanting them to see your weakness, but you began to weep. Dean looked at Sam for some direction, but Sam shrugged his shoulders. Dean picked up your pistol and unloaded it, seeing that several rounds were missing. He clicked the magazine back into place, put the safety on, and tossed it to Sam.

He sat on the floor while you continued to cry not wanting to press you for information and upset you further. You settled down a bit and wiped your tears with the towel that was still wrapped around your shoulder. Now that adrenaline was out of your system and you felt somewhat safe, the full pain from the evening started to set in on your face, wrist, chest, and back. You were determined not to become sick from it in front of them. Sam brought you a glass of water. Taking a few sips helped you calm down further. Dean knew he had laced it with holy water and Sam was more at ease when you showed no reaction.

You set the glass down on the counter, trying as much as you could to avoid eye contact with either of them ashamed of what you had done and bringing it to them. Dean moved from the floor to the bed to sit straight across from you. He gently reached for your hand trying to direct your attention to him and give you a sense of support.

You let him take your hand, he examined your wrist where light bruising had started from how hard Travis grabbed it. He closed his eyes for a few seconds deciding where to start again.

“Hey, Y/N?” He asked seeing if you would react better this time. “Me and my brother, we’re not actually FBI agents.” Sam flinched nervous at where Dean was going. “We use it as a cover to help people who are in danger of things that can’t be explained. So even if you feel like you did something bad, you can tell us, we won’t hurt you or lock you up.” He tried to explain as calmly and softly as possible.

His steady voice soothed you and for some reason, maybe it was the shine of his eyes, you knew that you could trust him.

“I…. I…” You stuttered.

Sam finally popped in offering support as well. “It’s okay, take your time.”

You took a deep breath and forced the words out as softly as you could. “I shot him.” You finally confessed.

Dean knew you meant the asshole who covered you in bruises and tried not to take delight in your retaliation against him.

“Who?” Sam inquired.

“Travis, my husband.” You were terrified even to mention him. “The way he came at me tonight, I couldn’t…” “You don’t have to explain yourself. Not to us.” Dean stated cutting you off already understanding half the reason why you did it.

You looked Dean straight in the eyes. “He’s not dead.” You confessed panicked. “I don’t know how, or I must be going crazy, but I shot him three times, straight in the head, and he walked it off like it was a simply an annoyance. He’s going to kill me Dean! He’s going to kill me.” You explained becoming more hysteric.

Dean jumped from the bed he was sitting on to yours and wrapped his arms around you, Sam was quickly by your side as well kneeling on the ground.

“Hey, hey.” Dean tried to sooth you. “It’s okay, it’s going to be okay.” He repeated over, rubbing your shoulders looking at Sam knowing they had found their demon.

“Y/N, I know it is hard to talk about, but what else was off tonight?” Sam inquired wanting to make sure. “Any strange detail could be important.”

Dean didn’t let go of you which is probably the only reason why you were able to continue. “He came home late. He just started cheating on me, I didn’t want to believe it, but tonight there was this perfume on him, that wasn’t mine. And I, I just couldn’t put up with him anymore. He’s always been rough, but tonight, it was like he was seeking blood. I didn’t mean to shoot him, I just wanted to scare him. But he forced the door open so hard, I don’t know where he got the strength. And I was just so scared I pulled the trigger. I don’t know how it landed right between his eyes, but it did and he just stood there, unfazed. I swear when he opened his eyes they were pitch black.” Tears started spilling out again.

Dean curled you into his chest. “We’re going take care of this.” You could feel his voice vibrating through his chest. “He’s never going to hurt you again.”

“How?” You asked not seeing a way to stop him if bullets wouldn’t.

“You let us worry about that.” Sam said not wanting to yet explain demons and monsters to you.

Dean noticed you were still shivering. “Why don’t you take a shower to relax and warm up? Then maybe get some rest?” Dean suggested. You nodded your head. “Come on.” He guided you up and to the bathroom.

He turned the water on and adjusted the temperature for you and brought you one of his dry t-shirts and sweatpants. Steamed started to fill the bathroom and Dean was about to close the door.

“Please, don’t leave.” You pleaded wanting them to stay at the motel.

“We’ll be right out here, call if you need anything.” He explained and waited for you to nod in agreement.

He closed the door but left it open a crack for your comfort. Sam was back on his laptop looking up information on Travis. He had quite a record of small misdemeanors and worked at the factory they had gone to earlier in the evening.

“He’s definitely our guy.” Sam observed.

“Even if he wasn’t, I still would go over to teach him a lesson.” Dean said sternly. “No one deserves what she’s been through.”

“We have to be careful, he already knows we are in town. He’ll smoke out again if he sees us coming.” Sam explained.

“Yeah, I’d like to get Y/N’s input on his behavior lately once she’s gotten some rest. Where he’s been going, any patterns she knows off. We should check the factory again to and see if he’s been showing up for shifts.” Dean added.

“We could use her…” Sam suggested.

“No, out of the question.” Dean demanded. “She can’t even get through a sentence without panicking, no way we are using her as bait.”

“Then what’s your plan?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know, but we’ll find another way.” Dean stated firmly, trying to think of something while rubbing his forehead.

----

Click Here for the finish!

[weixunhe-blog]

I didn’t go to Japan to make friends… But during my 7 day solo trip around Hokkaido, I had the pleasure of meeting some quality people who opened up theirs arms to a complete stranger. However brief our time together was before nature pulled me away, these people made my individualistic journey more sociable and connected. Through the process, it helped a foreigner like me feel a whole lot more welcome in this wonderful country. So in chronological order...

The Friendly JR Gatekeepers When I made my first stop in Hokkaido, my mind was filled with uncertainty. What can I even do in Hokkaido (result of not doing much homework)? What are Hokkaidans like? Is that even what you call them? Is it going to be this cold the whole time (the chilly rain was drizzling so slowly that I first thought it was snow)?… As I was waiting for the hourly transfer train to Hakodate, I went to chat with the gatekeepers to kill time… cause why not. Luckily, they spoke the best English I had heard in these past two days and I was ecstatic! I took this rare opportunity to ask them some translation questions and together, we constructed a brief introduction I can use to introduce myself to others. It goes: “Watashi wa MIT de benkyou shiteiru daigakusei des. America kara kimashita. Watashi wa nijūni sai desu. Watashi wa Gijutsu-shxa desu”. Simple, but to the point; a short answer, but I was immensely grateful.

The Global German Engineer My airbnb in Hakodate was huge. It was a 4 story building with several rooms every floor, in addition to lounge areas and showers. But the weather there is still very cold and rainy, which is not inviting to most tourists (except for the careless ones who didn’t do sufficient prior research, like me). My host shared that his place was in fact very empty, but there is this German dude down the hall. I didn’t think much of it because I didn’t come here to make friends… But on my way out, I saw the German doing laundry, and I couldn’t help but flex my extremely limited German knowledge and say hi. This guy was chill. It turned out that he is a software engineer from Munster working remote. I suggested that if the stars align, we can grab dinner when he’s done with work at 7pm. After hiking Mount Hakodate and exploring the old warehouses and streets of Hakodate, it was exactly 7pm and I was hungry. Wow, the stars aligned… We met up at this local restaurant that our host recommended. It was an one woman show where the mom cooks traditional Japanese comfort food. I was so down! The food was amazing. Falk and I shared some stories, talked about working abroad, and pondered about life and how exciting it is. Then we grabbed a picture with the master chef before I went home to crash (camped out the previous night at Sendai and did not have any sleep at all).

MIT Students from the Other Side of the World For my second night camping, I decided to set up right next to the train tracks of the JR station in Noboribetsu. I figured that since my tent is green like the bushes and the JR stops running at midnight, I should be safe and people wouldn’t come wander here. I was right. But like the first night, it rained again and I woke up at 3:30am freezing and wet. What’s nice about waking up early in Japan is that the sun rises at 4am. So I decided to walk to the water area cause… water is nice. As I got closer to the beach, 3 guys walked out of a van. It’s freaking 4am, what are these guys up to? “Wassup guys, are you going to the beach too?” “Nah, we’re going bouldering!” We had a really funny conversation. I found out that they are college students studying STEM nearby (what a small world). And they are driving here early so they can have some fun with the rocks before classes begin. They’re from a place nearby called Muroran, and their tech school, appropriately, is called Muroran Institute of Technology… I was really confused at some point because I said I am from MIT and they said they are as well, correctly so, but I had never seen them on campus before. Anyways, I really enjoyed crazily camping next to the train tracks and waking up to bump into these other crazy people doing crazy things in the middle of nowhere crazy early.

The Hitchhiker-Friendly Family After visiting Farm Tomita, a lavender farm, and being overtly disappointed because most of the flowers has not bloomed yet and lavenders doesn’t even smell that good in person, I embarked on a 4 mile trek to the next train station (as opposed to walk backwards for a mile…). After walking what seemed like an endless road along never ending rice paddy fields, I decided to spice things up and try my luck getting a ride on the road. After 30 minutes of walking with my thumbs up, a tiny orange car (all Japanese cars are super small) stopped in front of me. Jean was on her way to Biei with her family, which is actually where I wanted to go as well! She shared with me her very interesting story of how she moved to Japan 9 years ago to raise her kids, learnt Japanese once she got here by watching TV shows (there is hope y’all), and how the working culture here sucks. I asked her about the weather and whether if it’s normally this cold at this time of the year, and she revealed that the weather this year has been very unusual. In fact, her farming friends are worried that their rice fields won’t yield because of the abnormal coldness at this time of the year. All in all, I really appreciated her ride and she was happy that I contributed to her annual statistic of picking up hitchhikers (I was her first one this year!!!).

The Drunkenly Generous Local This time, I was in a small fishing town with a population of perhaps 500, aka middle of nowhere. I took a 2 hour bus from Otaru, a famously romantic spot that tourists love, to visit Cape Kamui and Ōgon, and decided last minute to camp at Ōgon as opposed to return to the city. There’s a total of 4 restaurants here and I chose to go to Jun’s seafood restaurant cause it won my 4 sided coin toss. I sat at the bar table of this very local restaurant since I was alone, and here is where I met my favorite local of this entire trip. I put in an order for a seafood bento, basically exactly what the guy next to me was eating because DAMN that looked fine. Then I just kept to myself and started writing down some thoughts and feelings in my journal. As I was waiting for my food, the local next to me offered me a piece of his fried chicken. Oh how can I resist? I had heard great things about how the chicken here is fried in a unique way but I never ordered it because I didn’t want to eat the whole thing. I thanked him and we started chatting. He used to work for an American Film company in Taiwan, which explains how he knows English, but he has since forgotten most of it. This man was extremely ebullient and friendly. He tried to ask me a lot of questions and I tried my best to answer, and in the process, he offered me “Japanese vodka” (made in Korea lol) multiple times, freshly fried shrimp tempura (oishii), and at some point, he even offered me his entire bento! Even though I didn’t double my meal by taking his bento, my dinner turned into a feast of good food and social interaction. I wish that I spoke better Japanese so I can converse with him more and share more about myself. In any case, I bid him good bye after spending 3 hours with him at the restaurant and I went to camp a bit warmer than usual ;)

The Affectionate Bike Dad I arrived at Otaru at 7am on a Sunday. This was quite early for most shops because everything was still closed. As I walked around the area outside of the train station, I was intrigued by this sign advertising about a bike shop on the hill. So I followed the directions and found this cute little wooden shipping container on top of said hill with bikes all around it. I chatted with this man about the options and after some negotiation in broken Japanese and English, he offered to rent me an electric bike (WOOOO) for 2 hours, hold my bulky backpack, AND charge all of my electronics (all of which were dried); all for just 800 yen. On a high level, this was just a market transaction, but I was very internally thankful. My phone and camera batteries were dead from the night before and desperately needed charging; I was very tired of carrying my bag around because it is quite unwieldy; I MISS BIKING. So I took his awesome offer and biked around town for 2 hours and saw everything before the usual tourist invasion at 9am.

The Kindhearted Coffee Makers After my Hokkaido solo, I returned to Tokyo and promised to meet a friend for dinner at this restaurant. In retrospect, it turns out this restaurant has multiple stores and I would visit the wrong one. While I was waiting at the wrong store for my friend, most people around me were holding an umbrella and wearing layers because it was raining and a bit chilly. I stood in front of this cute little coffee shop that was like a hole in the wall. I first approached the owners and asked them if there were any places nearby where I can find WIFI so I can communicate with my friend, and they generously offered me their own. As I was standing there waiting, they offered me an umbrella, their bench to sit on, both of which I refused because I wanted to carry on the outlook of a New Yorker and someone who just finished a 7 day solo. Then they offered me a cup of their home-brew Sarutahiko "Japanese flavor” coffee, and I couldn’t help but accept it because I didn’t want to tell them to pour it away. If frozen rocks had hearts, they would melt like mine did when I took a sip of their coffee. Even though it wasn’t anything special, the location and context really warmed my soul. And deep down, I was very appreciative of their small act of kindness.

The Curious Policemen After I realized that I was waiting at the wrong restaurant, I navigated from Shinjuku to Shibuya to meet my friend. As I was traveling through the dense underground urban traffic at peak rush hour (a very long walk through a lot of busy office workers), I couldn’t help but attract the attention of the police. You see, after traveling solo in the rural countryside for 7 days, I look very funny in a big city. Aside from how terrible I must have smelled after not showering for 3 days, I was carrying this big wide green bag that could potentially fit a lot of dangerous weapons (or onigiris). So I got stopped by two policemen to do a full body check. Thankfully, they didn’t take my multitool blade too seriously and let me go after 5 minutes. But I thought it was funny how they explored my bag only to realize that the biggest pocket was used to hold my bed, leaving no space to store anything else.

[melissagarcia8]

Man in race row with woman on train is Tory councillor in charge of transport

A commuter captured up in a race row with a woman he accused of putting her muddy shoes on his train seat, is the Conservative chairman of the London Assembly transportation committee.

Keith Prince was branded a "white idiot" by an unnamed woman while he was sitting opposite her on a jam-packed carriage throughout rush hour, a video shows.Witnesses declared the

stand-off on morning Dartford to London Southeastern service ensued after the Conservative councillor took a seat in the seat where the woman had actually had her feet."She took her feet off of the chair and after that brushed

them versus his match -he wasn't pleased anyway and this pressed him overboard", a witness told the Daily Mail. Footage of the exchange was published on the Dartford Rail Travellers Association's Facebook page.At the start, the female can be heard stating:"Touch me once again and I'll slap you"The stand-off peaked when the female accused Mr Prince of touching her and then threatened

to slap him before she put her feet near his groin, saying:"I'm actually grabbing you by your balls."UK news in images reveal all UK news in images 8 December 2017 British Prime Minister Theresa May (L) and European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker address an interview at the European Commission

in Brussels AFP/Getty

Images 7 December 2017 Nick

Dunn, among the so-called Chennai Six is welcomed by his sister Lisa as he gets to Newcastle Airport after being launched from India after serving four years in prison on weapons charges.PA 6 December 2017 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II (L)greets Nigeria's ambassador to the UK, George Adesola

Oguntade(C ), and his wife, Modupe Oguntade, during a personal audience at Buckingham Palace in main London AFP/Getty 5 December 2017 800 abandoned containers appear at Potters Field Park, London, in a moving homage

to

the 800 kids who pass away every day, usually, due to a lack of clean water and sanitation. Just one container in the setup, part of WaterAid's #Untapped appeal, could hold practically enough safe drinking water for one child for a week. Every ₤ 1 donated to the #Untapped appeal up until 31st January 2018 will be matched

by the UK Government.WaterAid/ Ollie Dixon 4 December 2017 British Prime Minister Theresa May smiles to European Union President Donald Tusk as she participates in Brexit settlements 'meetings AFP/Getty 3 December 2017 The last Supermoon of 2017 sets over Whitley Bay, Northumberland PA 2 December 2017 The crowd reacts as England's Dawid Malan cannot stop a boundary throughout the very first day of the second Ashes test match REUTERS 1 December 2017 England supervisor, Gareth Southgate, jokes with Belgium supervisor, Roberto Martinez

, after their sides were

attracted the exact same group throughout the Last Draw for the 2018 FIFA World Cup in Russia Getty Images 30 November 2017 A fan of Lauri Love,

who is accused of hacking into U.S. federal government computers, wears a Donald Trump mask as he opposes in front of the Royal Courts of Justice in London AP 29 November 2017 A sign reading 'We desire our future back'is shown in front of Westminster during an Anti-Brexit Presentation Rex Features 28 November 2017 This year's innovative V&A Christmas Tree, The Singing Tree, is shaped from a cloud of drifting words, contributed by visitors

, and is created by

leading stage and efficiency designer Es Devlin.Rex Features 27 November 2017 David Jones and Margaret Tyler wait outside Kensington Palace after hearing about the engagement of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle Rex 26 November 2017 Sailors from the Royal Navy carry out the Altering of the Guard ceremony at Buckingham Palace for the very first time in its 357-year history PA 25 November 2017 Arlene Foster offers her leader's speech throughout the annual DUP party conference at La Mon House Getty Images 24 November 2017 Ex-England footballer Michael Owen prior to riding in a charity race at Ascot racecourse Rex 23

November 2017 Shoppers pass an advertising indication for' Black Friday'sales discount rates on Oxford Street AFP/Getty 22 November 2017 Britain's Chancellor of the Exchequer Phillip Hammond poses with the spending plan

box at 11 Downing Street EPA 21 November 2017 Protestors hold up a banner throughout a demonstration kept in solidarity with the University of London cleaners'strike Petros Elia 20 November 2017 British Prime Minister Theresa Might welcomes Ghana's President Nana Akufo-Addo outside number 10 Downing Street Getty 19 November 2017 Grigor Dimitrov reacts to winning the Men's Songs Final with the prize, during day eight of the NITTO ATP World Tour Finals at the O2 Arena in London PA

18 November 2017

Central Scotland MSP Richard Leonard is praised by Glasgow MSP Anas Sarwar at the Glasgow Science Centre after he was announced as the new leader

of

Scottish Labour Jane Barlow/PA 17 November 2017 British Military Working Canine Mali poses for a photograph with his handler, Cpl. Daniel Hatley

, after receiving the PDSA Dickin Medal, the animal equivalent of the Victoria Cross, for his heroic action in Afghanistan Reuters 16 November 2017 Theresa May chats with resident Val Lay throughout a check out to a housing estate in London

AFP/Getty 15 November 2017 Richard Radcliffe leaves the Foreign Office with his local MP Tulip Siddiq, following a meeting with Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson Marc Ward/REX 14 November 2017

Four-time Olympic champion Sir Mo Farah after being awarded a Knighthood by Queen Elizabeth II PA 13 November 2017

Repair work continues on the Palace of Westminster Pictures

by Reuters/Getty/iStock 12 November 2017 A veteran takes his hat off throughout the Remembrance Sunday Cenotaph wreathe laying event REUTERS 11

November 2017

Members of the Western Front Association throughout a service at the Cenotaph to mark the Armistice Day EPA 10 November 2017 David Davis and Michel

Barnier REUTERS 9 November 2017 Britain's newly selected Secretary of State for International Advancement, Cent Mordaunt, leaves Downing Street AP 8 November 2017 Priti Patel leaves number 10 Downing

street

through the back door

EPA 32/42 7 November 2017 School children and their teacher from Thomas Tallis School take a look at photos on screen at the Red Star Over Russia exhibition at the Tate Modern in London Philip Toscano/PA 33/42 6 November

2017

A cast of The Wrestlers, 2 males taking part in the Greek sport pankration, is decreased into place at Natural Trust's Stowe Landscape Garden near Buckingham PA 34/42 5 November 2017 Protesters in Trafalgar Square, London, throughout the Million Mask March bonfire night protest PA 35/42 4 November 2017 Protestors participate in

the'Justice Now: Make it Right for Palestine'march, arranged by the Palestine Uniformity Project, in central

London PA 36/42 3 November

2017 People queue outside an Apple shop in London to buy the new iPhone X upon its release in the U.K. The iPhone X is placed as a high-end, model intended to display advanced innovations such as wireless charging

, OLED display, double cams and a face acknowledgment unlock system Getty 37/42 2 November 2017 British Prime Minister Theresa May welcomes Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu outside 10 Downing Street in London. The set are today commemorating the centenary of a British declaration that ultimately caused the structure of the state

of Israel Getty 38/42 1 November 2017 Mammatus clouds over St Mary's Lighthouse in Whitley Bay, Northumberland Owen Humphreys/PA 39/42 31 October 2017 Women protest outside Downing Street as

they join a presentation

requiring rights for working moms Getty Images 40/42 30 October 2017 England's under 17's pose with the World Cup trophy as they show up

back to the UK PA 41/42 29 October 2017 Leicester City remembrance

day component between Leicester City and Everton at King Power Arena Plumb Images/Leicester City FC by means of Getty Images 42/42 27 October 2017 Spiderman steals a seat on the Iron Throne from Game of Thrones at MCM London Comic Con's opening day Rex Includes

"You're a moron,"she said, adding:"That's why you're not married you idiot since no one

can stand you. "However Mr Prince said:"No

, you're the idiot", prior to he mentioned that he is wed to Nigerian Temitayo and reveals the woman his finger where there is obviously a wedding event ring. "Your partner is where I'm from. Touch me

again and I will slap you

, the same way your wife beats you up,"the female replied.She then moved one of her shoes near Mr Prince's groin area and threatened:" You understand you can't do anything. Listen

, my feet is actually by your balls. I'm literallygrabbing you by your balls. "< p data-nid=/ news/uk/home-news/ pope-francis-racism-violence-immigration-donald-trump-a8078766. html >

Read more Pope condemns political leaders who spread racism over migration "No you're not, no you're not,"Mr Prince responds then chuckled."You're actually a moron. You're a total fool."The female then gets on her phone and, while apparently tape-recording a video of Mr Prince, stated:"So I get on the train and this white moron. ""Oh, you're racist also now," stated Mr Prince

."Racist,

I enjoy it.""I are sorry for getting associated with such a petty dispute. This is among those situations in which it is much better to simply leave," Mr Prince said told The Independent."By the end of the journey we were joking with each other and having an enjoyable conversation. That said,

I 'd like to

apologise to my fellow commuters

for the disruption our initial disagreement caused." More about: Reuse material

Source

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/keith-prince-race-row-woman-train-video-tory-councillor-in-charge-transport-dartford-london-service-a8099621.html

source http://taxi.nearme.host/man-in-race-row-with-woman-on-train-is-tory-councillor-in-charge-of-transport/

from NOVACAB http://novacabtaxi.blogspot.com/2018/03/man-in-race-row-with-woman-on-train-is.html