#anyway i should listen to more of their stuff but CHRIST is it a lot of homework

[character-of-all-time]

yknow since the blue canary in the outlet by the light switch and istanbul/constantinople were on here, im kinda surprised we didnt also get particle man

hotel detective was also here! also. technically several mesopotamians? tmbg friend said i should put several mesopotamians in because. idk theres a song of theirs thats about mesopotamia ig. i only know a few tmbg songs soz.

[libraincarnate]

astrology notes: 8 🧸🍬

quick note: i'm absolutely not an astrologer. these are just a collection of some observations, thoughts, theories, and personal experiences. with that being said, i'm still learning along the way & i may come back to edit this post to make corrections. above all this is just for fun. lastly, keep in mind that i’m not reading your birth chart and i know nothing about you. these are just some possibilities that may or may not apply to you. enjoy!

🧁 scorpio 2nd house/mercury: okay if you didn’t know i have a thing for eyes, but i also have a thing for voices and i have placements that indicate that too. anyways, people with scorpio mercury? wow just wow. probably one of my favorite placements and one of the most captivating ones in my opinion. i recently heard someone’s voice and i guessed they had a scorpio mercury and i was right. girls with this placements may have a deeper voice but regardless it’s so damn sexy and sultry. their intelligence and broad vocabulary and various expressions leave their lips with ease. they ooze seduction unintentionally. this is THE bedroom voice. such power behind their words, the power to both uplift and destroy. it demands attention. speaking like they know more than they let on, discerning what you know and don’t know so that they can decide what and how much to reveal. hard to lie to these individuals. they’re quick to detect deception. they use their words decisively & directly.

🧁 favorable 11th house placements: community & togetherness is a wonderful thing to these folks. they find it beautiful to see people working together to accomplish a common goal or simply sticking together, loving & supporting one another. unfortunately society isn’t always like that but when they do witness something like that it makes them happy. they think, “see? that’s how it should be.” it’s a wish they have for the world, more unity.

🧁 neptune-pluto aspects: rock star alice cooper has neptune sextile pluto in his birth chart. he suffered from alcohol & drug addiction. some of his songs have meanings that have a double entendre. for example, when listening to his song called poison for the first time, it sounds like a love song about how badly he wants this person even though they may not be good for him, they bring him both pleasure and pain. but really that song is about his toxic relationship with drugs and alcohol.

he’s a libra rising & his chart ruler is venus in pisces which is in the 6th house of health, routine, and habits.

his neptune is a prominent placement for him being in his 1st house & conjunct his ascendant.

his neptune is at 12° (pisces degree) which is also associated with drugs/alcohol, addiction, a lack of boundaries, but also spirituality, musical talent, healing, the emotions, and creativity. and his pluto which brings transformation is at 13° (aries degree) which can indicate some form of struggle or abuse but there’s also courage, determination, and perseverance.

alice cooper has overcome his drug and alcohol addiction, has helped others including other rock n’ roll artists to do the same, and he became a christian and gave a lot of credit to Jesus Christ as the reason why he was able to beat these addictions.

i’m not saying everyone with this aspect will have a similar story, it’s just one way i’ve seen this aspect play out.

🧁 venus in the 5th house: you might be attracted to people who are talented. somone who plays an instrument really well. maybe you find it attractive watching someone play the guitar and rocking out, headbanging and stuff lol

someone who is really good at sports, seeing their athleticism, their skill, their dedication to the sport they play. touch down celebrations might be something you like to see if football is your thing. perhaps play fighting with your love.

someone who is a talented artist, seeing them use their creativity and skills to create something out of nothing. seeing their passion come to life in their art, how it tells a story. how they assign their own meanings to the colors, shapes, and materials they use.

🧁 harsh mars-uranus aspects: might be more willing to do something bad if they feel like they’re doing it for a good reason. reminds me of thomas shelby from peaky blinders. he does a lot of bad things for the sake of his family/loved ones, to better their lives. he shows his loyalty in extreme & intense ways. he also performs some philanthropic deeds. he’s smart, ingenious, unpredictable, has been to war and applies a war-like strategy or mindset in his approach to achieving his goals. he does what he wants when he wants and rarely takes the advice of others.

🧁 jupiter in the 4th house: motherhood may be a blessing for you. your child or children might feel like you’re the best mom ever and you might feel like that too lol your child may make your life better, more meaningful and fulfilling. you pass on the wisdom you’ve gained to them. encouraging education and spirituality in their upbringing. motherhood definitely alters your perspective on life. you learn so much from being a mom and part of that is because your child teaches you so much including by just watching them grow.

🧁 one thing i feel like is underrated about virgos is their sense of style. they can dress & it’s authentic. they stand out among the sea of fad loving doppelgangers because of their originality. and while they may not vocalize their judgements, i promise you they are analyzing every detail of your outfit, hairstyle, choice of accessories, etc. all in silence. they notice the smallest details which is part of the reason why they look so pristine & put together. they simply have good taste. potential as a stylist & designer.

🧁 4th house ruler in 11th house: this native may have, want, or prefer a chosen family rather than the family they were born with. their friends may feel more like a family to them and they may spend more time with them. may be an adopted child or feel like one, and you may want to adopt if you decide to start your own family. the people you look to as your mother or father figure may not be your biological parents. a community or sense of family with the ones you are closest to but not necessarily the ones you are related to.

🧁 the sign in your 2nd house may show you how you feel about sharing the things that belong to you (food, money, clothes, car, info on where you got something, and so on):

capricorn would probably only share with you if they actually like you or respect you.

virgo might be picky about who they share with or who gets to touch what.

libra i think would be both of the above but may feel bad when they want say no so they might just say whatever and give in for that reason.

sag is ruled by jupiter which is associated with generosity so i think they’d be more willing to give things away or tell you where they got their stuff from like a nice shirt that they have.

aquarius is another sign i feel like would be willing to share, since they’re associated with community & philanthropy but regardless of how social aquarius may be i think they’re a bit detached from people & they like their originality so they may not want everyone looking like them or having what they have so they may say no to most but yes to those closest to them.

scorpio may be a bit more possessive and private about what’s theirs so they may only share with those they trust.

gemini likes to talk and exchange information, they’re lighthearted individuals who may have no problem sharing or telling you where they got something.

to me taurus is 50/50. they’re known to be savers and spenders. they know how to gather and save their resources, can be hoarders and a bit selfish but they also like pleasing themselves, indulging in the things they like. they know how to spoil others as well so they’d probably just buy it for you instead of giving you what’s theirs.

🧁 lilith in the 11th house: might be a misanthrope, someone who dislikes humanity or society as a whole. however you may like people as individuals. i see this being a lone wolf/outcast placement.

🧁 your jupiter in their 1st house (synastry): you are a blessing to this person’s life. you definitely make their life better and an impactful difference would be felt with out you in their life. you make them feel good about themselves, make them feel confident, you support them. you broaden their outlook on life, providing fresh perspectives. you share the knowledge you have with them, make them wiser. the 1st house intrigues jupiter and wants to understand the 1st house person better. jupiter person could be one of if not the 1st house person’s favorite person.

you lift them up, bring optimism and encouragement. you guys feel good around each other, have a lot of fun together, make each other happier. you help them in their journey of self improvement whether you know it or not. the jupiter person sees the potential in the 1st house person during the times they don’t see it themselves. they encourage you to be your best authentic self. jupiter person may also discover things about themselves through their relationship with the 1st house person. jupiters perspective and understanding is broadened as well. also, jupiter probably spoils the 1st house person & 1st house person appreciates them so much and just knows how much they mean to them.

🧁 omg how many people with prominent 7th house placements have walked in multiple weddings? like you could’ve been a flower girl, ring boy, a bridesmaid or groomsman etc. especially with venus, jupiter, asteroid juno (3) here, or a 7th house stellium.

🧁 placidus vs whole sign house system: i mostly use the whole sign house system but i encourage you not to ignore the placements in your chart using the placidus system. you won’t relate to or notice the impact of all of your placements at once. you grow and develop as a person and this takes time, so it may take time to see the influence of certain placements and aspects in your chart regardless of which house system you use. people experience different areas of life at different times. i may experience the 6th house and 7th house related themes earlier in my life but you may experience much them later in your life.

remember each house has themes and different areas of focus. take the 8th house for example: you may not relate to the theme of death in this house (either literally or figuratively in the form of rebirth/transformation) and so you may not relate to the inheritance aspect either (or not yet) but you may relate to the themes of the occult along with sex & intimacy in this house. it’s normal to not relate to everything related to that house, and it’s normal not to relate to everything all at once.

after speaking to someone close to me, she relates to the placement of their sun using the whole sign system more than the placement of their sun using placidus. when using placidus, her sun is in the 4th house. initially she didn’t relate to this placement what so ever. but then she noticed something, she literally is the kim k of her family. if she dies the light goes out in her family. her relatives love her and are always asking for her. they adore her, think she's funny and they just like hearing from her. they talk to her the most. most of her parent’s friends mainly ask about her and want to talk to her on the phone and she's not the only child. she literally asks her parents if their friends forget that they have more than one child. their friends are always giving her money and gifts and food. she plays an important role in this family, she's basically a leader & she manages a lot of things in her house/family. her parents tend to brag about her to others as well.

however there are other themes in the 4th house which she does not relate to and there are other placements in her birth chart using the placidus system which she doesn’t relate to at all, or perhaps not yet.

apart from that, there’s something called intercepted signs, houses, and planets & duplicated signs and houses. they apply to house systems like placidus but not to those like whole sign. you may have these in your placidus chart. it might be something you relate to and you may learn something about yourself as well.

i cannot and will not attempt to explain them, but if you’re interested here are some posts that do explain them:

https://www.tumblr.com/boyzgotojupiter/706271020564234240

https://bobmarksastrologer.com/intercepted-signs/

https://bobmarksastrologer.com/duplicated-signs/

https://www.tumblr.com/boyzgotojupiter/706271008694353920/duplicated-intercepted-houses

if you read this until the end i hope you enjoyed it & thank you so much for reading. ♥︎♥︎♥︎, those hearts are for you.

[alottodix]

if South Park was British (lmao) what would the main fours’ favourite insults be. I can so vividly imagine Kyle calling someone a pillock or a knobhead its so funny. I think Cartman

OHHHHH ANON HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU

Okay, so. First, Stan Marsh. He’d definitely be more fond of the blunt ones, the ones that are so simple they’re reflexive for most of the nation – tosser, prick, twat, all of those fun ones. HOWEVER, I also see him having an awesome time with “bloody hell” to portray how fucking fed up he is, like when he does the pinch bridge of nose + look down + very defeated “Jesus Christ” combo in the show. I ALSO IMAGINE HIM BEING SUPER FOND OF HOW BLUNT STUFF LIKE “sod off” IS TO TELL PEOPLE TO LIVE HIM ALONE OR EVEN JUST TO REACT TO DUMB SHIT LIKE THE LITTLE CYNIC HE IS

Now, onto Kyle. Every single time I see the Jersey episode, I mentally have to compare the reality TV show element to shit like Geordie Shore, so if it was a show based in the UK I can only imagine him being Geordie – proper Ant and Dec style. Americans, if you haven’t already, go listen to the accent and tell me it doesn’t have Kyle vibes – it just does. SO, WITH THIS IN MIND, I can totally imagine him whipping out gobshite as an insult, or what a load of bollocks in response to Cartman being an asshole, fun clipped shit like that. There was also a moment of time where I sat down and started plotting a Hogwarts AU, in which I realised I’d have to make these guys vaguely British, and I had such a strong mental image of Kyle jokingly calling Stan a daft git so I feel like he’d love the ones like that – and I agree with anon I think he’d have a lot of fun with knobhead

I feel Kenny would enjoy basically all of them, but for the sake of this dude being muffled as fuck I think he’d get a real kick out of the backwards peace sign – like whenever possible. Also “get stuffed”, for vibes. LISTEN I FEEL I SHOULD BE MORE SCIENTIFIC IN MY METHODS BUT LEAVE ME ALONE LMAO WE GO OFF VIBES HERE

Now, when I think of a British Cartman, I can only imagine a younger Del Boy from ‘Only Fools & Horses’. This is both a blessing and a curse. It’s the shared entrepreneurial spirit and lack of dignity I think. Also the fur coats. And con-artist swagger. And also how well Del Boy takes the piss out of Rodney – if you were to replace Rodney with Butters or Kenny in their search for wealth; this is such a niche reference but somebody reading this is gonna be so fucking happy with it. Because of this, I can only imagine him with the strongest cockney accent known to man, and so, a list of ones I feel he would use:

“Berk”

“Muppet”

“You jammy prick”

“Bleedin’ hell”

“You daft cow”

“Shut your cakehole”

“He’s a right tosser”

“You bleeding mug”

“Wazzock”

Also unrelated but with this guy being the gayest homophobe around, he’d totally be one of those guys to call everyone “babes” (the mental image is making me cackle, he fucking would don’t lie)

ANYWAY LMAO FEEL FREE TO DISCUSS, THANK YOU ANON – THIS WAS INCREDIBLY FUN TO DO, I APOLOGISE FHDKFN

[artist-issues]

Was wondering what your take on this was. I have a Christian friend who's very anti-media, like he never listens to non-Christian music (even then enacting limits on the artists) and he believes all films are evil and stuff like that.

I believe his rationale is that it's all anti-Christian, making arguments like "Thanos is a representation of God in the book of Revelation and the film is therefore about killing God" or "Superman isn't a Christ-like figure; he's an antichrist figure because he points people's attention away from Jesus, the real Christ," and stuff like that.

Speaking as a Christian myself, I feel like that's a very extreme take to have when stories can always have Christian values to identify and distinguish and that even if he was right, it does no good to isolate yourself from those stories or to assume the worst faith interpretation of them.

Anyway, I was wondering if you had any thoughts on the subject. I know well from some of your posts especially that there are stories with very unhelpful or anti-Christian messages baked into them, but should we not still give those stories a chance? And is there not a much more forgiving line to draw before that point? If a story isn't directly and explicitly about the direct and explicit Christ, does it have any value?

Well. I had a friend who was kind of like that, too, and over the years he’s softened up on that a lot. Sometimes people get really zealous and have these extreme convictions and it’s okay, if they’re really doing it because they genuinely read Scripture with a heart to do what God wants, not a heart to find a set of rules they can follow and find self-righteousness.

I think there’s two separate ways to answer this ask. One is:

How to Treat Your Brother in Christ Over This

which is the most important part, for you, like it was for me with my friend, personally.

In 2 Corinthians 10 Paul is talking about this with meat sacrificed to idols. Technically, you’re free to eat that, even though to non-believers it means something else. Because to you, a Christian, you’re not under the old Law, so it’s not a condemnable thing to take what non-believers are using for evil and just…eat it. For what good there is in it. Because it’s meat. So there is some good in it, and you’re technically free to enjoy that good. But this is what the Word of God says:

1 Corinthians 10:19–33 - What do I mean then? That a thing sacrificed to idols is anything, or that an idol is anything? No, but I say that the things which the Gentiles sacrifice, they sacrifice to demons and not to God. And I do not want you to become sharers in demons.

You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons. You cannot partake of the table of the Lord and the table of demons. Or do we provoke the Lord to jealousy? Are we stronger than He?

All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful, but not all things build up. Let no one seek his own good, but that of the other person. Eat anything that is sold in the meat market without asking questions for conscience’ sake. For the earth is the Lord’s, as well as its fullness.

If one of the unbelievers invites you and you want to go, eat anything that is set before you without asking questions for conscience’ sake. But if anyone says to you, “This is meat consecrated to idols,” do not eat it, for the sake of the one who informed you, and for conscience’ sake. I do not mean your own conscience, but the other person’s. For why is my freedom judged by another’s conscience? 30 If I partake with gratefulness, why am I slandered concerning that for which I give thanks?

Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Give no offense either to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God; just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit but the profit of the many, so that they may be saved.

Paul also says, in Romans, “But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.”

(emphasis added)

The idea is, your convictions should be in place because of faith. So if, in Scripture, your friend is finding something that makes him feel convicted that watching these movies is sinful or distracting from Christ, and he really believes that’s how Scripture should be applied—this is one of those areas where you just shrug and be gracious and say, “he’s trying to act in faith.” It would be different if Scripture clearly taught about movies or even characters. You could point to a verse and say, “dude, you’re misinterpreting Scripture,” but this is one of those areas where God left it up to our convictions. So we have to respond in grace, even if what bothers another believer doesn’t bother us, because it’s not a “hill to die on.”

You can only control you. So obey God in how to respond to him, even if you don’t agree, and put him before you. If he won’t watch a Superman movie and it bothers him, don’t talk about Superman around him. Don’t invite him to movies like that. Consider him more important than yourself. If he can’t be convinced from Scripture that he’s free to watch that stuff and enjoy that stuff, don’t try and convince him. Just put his conscience in front of your preference for movies, on your list of priorities.

Maybe he is turning a grey-area into an area for self-righteousness. Or, maybe he is trying to live out his faith, even if it’s “extreme.” But the point is, you don’t know, and you don’t get to know. Only God knows. You just get to decide how to treat him.

BUT! I bet you’re already doing all that. I bet you already knew all that. And what you asked me was “And is there not a much more forgiving line to draw before that point? If a story isn't directly and explicitly about the direct and explicit Christ, does it have any value?”

So Part 2:

What I Think/My Convictions on the Gray Area of Valuable Stories

Stories can have Christian values if there is anything “Good” represented in them. It can also have Christian values if there is anything “Evil” in them. There is no such thing as “good” or “evil” in a movie like The Joker. So that movie I would say has zero Christian values. They don’t call what is evil “evil,” and they don’t call what is good “good” in that story. So I’m just agreeing with you that not every story or every piece of media has a “nugget of something Christian” that you can pull out. Only in one sense do all stories have a grain of God in them, and that sense is, “it’s a story.” The same way you can speak blasphemies, because God created the tongue and invented language and communication—that doesn’t mean He’s in any way reflected or has anything to do with your blasphemies. But you wouldn’t say, “we should at least let the blaspheming guy keep talking, because God invented talking.” God invented stories and storytelling. That doesn’t make all stories worth a chance. If that makes sense.

Anyway.

That being said, I do think it is rare for you to be able to decide that’s worth giving a chance… until you give it a chance. ^^ Like, I watched The Joker. Now I know it’s godless. So I won’t be seeing the sequel.

The main answer to this is: yes. I believe there is value in a story that is not directly and explicitly about the direct and explicit Christ. And here’s why, are you ready, here’s the reason I’m convinced, here’s the best card to play:

JESUS TOLD STORIES THAT WERE NOT DIRECTLY OR EXPLICITLY ABOUT HIS DIRECT AND EXPLICIT SELF.

The parable of the Good Samaritan is not about Jesus. You could make an argument that it’s got some Jesus-imagery mixed into the Samaritan character because of how selflessly and thoroughly he cares for others even though Jesus specifically framed the story like it was the answer to the question “who is my neighbor?” and it’s about “what a good neighbor is.” But hey, if you’re arguing, then guess what, it’s not very direct or explicit, is it?

Because that’s how stories work.

If I weren’t advocating for treating your brother in Christ with grace, if I were in my flesh right now, I’d say, “ask your friend if every conversation he has is directly and explicitly about the direct and explicit Christ. Is every single word “Jesus?” Is every single sentence about Jesus? Would you say all your communication is focused on Jesus 100% explicitly & directly? No? Then why does a storyteller’s communication have to be?”

Because that’s what a story is. It’s a uniquely compelling medium of communication. But it’s communication, that’s it.

I mean you know my understanding of stories. Stories are meant to be signposts that point you back to truth when you’ve wandered. Stories are meant to be a way for you to escape the specific imprisonment of bad ideas and lost wanderings, and you’re specifically escaping TO HOME: which is truth. Good ideas, and truth.

Well guess what? Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Every good and perfect thing is from above, coming down from the Father of Lights. If there is anything good, anything worthy of praise, anything excellent—we’re supposed to be thinking on those things, and associating them with Christ.

It’s almost short-changing Jesus or His relevance to say, “yeah there can be truth in stories but that truth doesn’t have anything to do with Jesus so it’s not worth my time.” What are you saying? He is the embodiment of Truth. If it’s true, then it’s His. In that sense. If it’s Loving, then it’s His. The idea of self-sacrifice, love, good triumphing over evil, truth triumphing over twisted-truth, is to do with Christ, because He invented those things and He’s their source.

My pastor likes to call this “plundering the Egyptians,” or “the world is tripping and stumbling into Biblical truths all the time.” They might not believe in Jesus but their story wouldn’t have anything worthwhile in it without Him. The writer of Beauty & the Beast might not be connecting self-sacrificial love to Jesus when she characterizes Belle, but guess what, she can’t escape it. Just because she didn’t make the connection doesn’t mean it’s not connected. You can’t say that all good and true things, even coming out of the foul mouths of humans, are no longer good and true simply because of the state of the mouths they come out of. Goodness and Truth is goodness and truth, and our brokenness can’t blot it out or stain it or ruin it. If it’s in the story, and it’s good and true, it’s good and true. Regardless of who we are or whether or not we attribute it to it’s proper Source.

Also, look at all of History. Jesus is woven symbolically throughout all of it, but He doesn’t “directly and explicitly” write Himself into the story of the world until the First Century.

But He was telling stories that had pieces of Himself and the truth before that. And He’s been telling them after that.

The Global Flood? Mankind is so wicked that God utterly destroys them—but He saves a small handful of righteous with a Vessel that only has ONE DOOR that they CANNOT SHUT THEMSELVES? That’s a story about Jesus. It’s not “direct or explicit.” God wrote it, that’s called “reality.”

The lamb in the Garden? Adam and Eve have something perfect and wonderful, and they can be exactly who they are and who they were made to be, but then they ruin it with sin, so God makes a way for them to be covered and protected—but it’s with the sacrifice of a Lamb? That’s a story about Jesus. It’s not “direct or explicit.” But God wrote it into reality.

Caterpillars? Into butterflies?? God invented a creature that starts out as a low worm in the dirt, then it goes into a tomb-like, death-like sleep and emerges a new creation that is beautiful and flies? That’s a story about Jesus, I don’t care, it’s not “direct or explicit” but it’s what God wrote into reality.

If it’s true and good, then the good and the true parts are connected to Christ. And it would be cheating myself of more ways to consider where goodness and truth and beauty come from to say that His direct and explicit incarnation in human flesh 2000 years ago was the only way I’m allowed to be reminded of Him.

I would never say any of this to your friend unless they asked. Because it’s not gracious to slam your friend over something that Scripture is not directly commanding, one way or the other, about.

[izzyspussy]

and now for more of the exact same thing.

late s3 canon divergence au in which we all live in a world of sunshine and daisies where mickey is allowed to a) be more three dimensional and b) have positive character development that isn't directly connected to his relationship with ian and also it happens when i say it does even though it's kind of really unrealistic and probably slightly ooc but again it's a world of sunshine and daisies and also it's been literally a full ten years since i've so much as heard his voice. cough.

uh so. yeah. late s3 canon divergence au in which mickey fights with ian about how unfair ian is being re: terry + svetlana + mickey staying closeted-ish + etc. idr the order of things but lets just say for the concept's sake that the divergence happens before the whole ian: you love me -> mickey: kicks him in the face thing because. *megamind voice* listen i don't really know where to go with that.

anyway so mickey tells ian to shut up and listen for once in his fucking life and then goes tf off about how marrying svetlana, claiming yevgeny, and staying closeted-ish (for now) is The Right Thing To Do, for various reasons. his own safety first, which it's pretty fucked up for ian to seemingly not care about, and ian's safety too, which is possibly even more fucked up for ian to seemingly not care about.

and then we have like four(?) options going from there.

so option 1 mickey's like: and also hey, he said he wanted to make sure mickey was okay but then three fucking seconds later started berating him. yeah, mickey was being stubborn and cold or whatever but jesus christ. and on that note, why was it so easy for ian to Be There for mandy when this happened to her but not mickey?? and then ian maybe is like that's not the same/that's not what happened (because it really seemed like he didn't realize that. it is the same and that is what happened. and like lmfao from later stuff in the show that we will simply pretend to have not seen, i know that's mainly because the fucking writers don't realize it is the same and that is what happened, and you know what they probably would not give a shit even if they did LOL. but i'm not bitter about it or anything. and since i'm ascribing to murder in real life death of the author here, we're going full watson here and. ian doesn't Get It because lots of people don't - obviously lmao - but he will!!!)

anyway so mickey is visibly devastated by ian saying this, and then he's bitter (just like meeee- wait i mean-) and laughs without humor about how ian is such a hypocrite. about how oh saint ian doesn't have any internalized homophobia. and ian is like what the fuck does that have to do with fucking anything, and mickey tells him oh nothing of course mickey is just talking shit like always since he's sooooo morally inferior and/or stupid and he definitely doesn't understand any of this. but hey! just as a totally unrelated thought experiment, why doesn't ian picture it with lip in his place and mandy in mickey's and with a male whore instead and just see what he thinks is so different/what he thinks happened then. and ian does and mickey sees in his face that he's realized, but he still wants to know. so he asks again why ian cares about mandy more than him. and ian is like well first of all i definitely do not care about mandy more than you and second we should talk apparently talk about this for real for real let's go upstairs for some privacy. and they do and it doesn't solve everything but by god does it help.

okay well that one's not really about anything being The Right Thing To Do, but you know. it's important to me! like i totally get that ian was going through multiple crises at the same time and dealing with the same traumatic event as mickey and also having an actual legitimate clinical mental break and experiencing a state of mind he had never dealt with before. it's not his fault. BUT. even tho it wasn't his fault he was still being completely unfair and none of any of that was mickey's fault either and it always bothered me that only ian ever got to be angry about it. but i digress.

now back to actually the sunshine and daisies unrealistic positive character development (but honestly like........ not really THAT unrealistic. To Me. like the only really unrealistic part is for mickey to be like. Informed enough for this. i think. but like. maturity and self awareness and honesty and courage and a moral code, all that is just maybe a little bit early to arrive here. i think it's an optimistic but not completely unbelievable divergence is what i'm saying! anyway).

so option 2A is like: instead of talking about What Happened and how much ian does or doesn't care, mickey starts talking about The Baby (who at this point is of course not born and i think probably too early along to be gendered let alone named). he's like what do you want me to do man. be just like your piece of shit parents and just abandon this kid because i don't want it? you want to be with a guy like that? and ian's like well it's probably not even yours, considering all the Factors. just get a paternity test and then you're off the hook. and mickey says, "don't be a fucking hypocrite, ian clayton gallagher." and ian's like damn. i want to but i absolutely cannot argue with that huh.

option 2B is more hurt/comfort than that and it goes: mickey starts talking about The Baby. and he's the one to point out it's probably not technically His or whatever. but. the chances that it's still a milkovich are. basically 100. and he points out if he marries svetlana, and he's on the birth certificate, and all around is legally the kid's FatherTM, then terry can't get his fucking hands on it. mickey has full parental rights. he couldn't completely keep the kid safe from terry, not without causing everybody - including the baby - a whole lot more danger right now, but he'd have so much more power to protect it than he otherwise would. he could make sure terry can't be next of kin if something happens to svet and mickey. he could make sure teachers and doctors and whoever else know not to leave the kid in terry's "care". even if terry himself changes his tune later for whatever fucking reason, if svet and/or mickey piss him off and he tries to take their kid away as punishment, or if he just fucking decides he wants another victim/pawn, or whatEVER, and he's the one to demand a paternity test, or if any other random john does, even if it ends up legally documented somewhere that mickey isn't the biological father as long as he and svet are The Parents from the start he would still retain custody and parental rights.

so. mickey marries svetlana. he's put on the birth certificate. he is legally the baby's father until such time as he and/or svetlana decide otherwise and a judge agrees. svetlana gets a marriage visa or green card or whatever the fuck and is now a legal resident. they stay married long enough for her to get naturalized as a us citizen. they get divorced, mickey no-contest hands over full custody to her, she moves to fucking socal or some shit and they never ever ever ever have to fucking see each other again. all her problems are solved, and none of the horrible shit terry put the rest of them through ever has to happen to the baby.

he can't let terry have the baby, mickey says. he can't. it's not fair, he says. it's not right. nobody deserves to be terry milkovich's kid. and sure mickey doesn't want it. he doesn't want to have to sleep next to his- you know, and no doubt svet doesn't want to have to do that either. but even though the baby may or may not be a result of. That. it didn't do it. it didn't do anything. it's just a baby. and mickey's voice is all raised - he's angry, he's scared, he's fucking righteous about this. it's just a fucking baby! its only fucking crime is being born wrong!

and. well. that kinda takes the fucking wind right out of ian's sails. mostly cuz it sucks all the air out of the room altogether. and mickey realizes too, right after he's said that, why he's so. uh. passionate about this. i mean not all the way, or just... he doesn't want to look directly at that yet. but ian can see it on his face that deep down he knows. ian can see it on mickey's face that what sounded like to him is exactly what it was. and maybe he breathes out the softest italicized oh (non-romantic) that has ever been spoken while mickey cringes a little bit and looks away, looks down, ducks his head enough to hide his face, enough to muffle his voice slightly against his own chest. he mumbles, "it's not his fault." he whispers, "he can't help it."

and what thee fuck is ian going to say to that? no? no, i won't support you protecting an innocent kid out of the long-buried goodness of your heart that i always knew was there and reparent yourself in the process? no, i refuse to be involved with you while you make an agonizing sacrifice in the name of kindness and healing, the way i've been demanding you do in my favor for months? no of course not.

but wait hang on i can fix this with the romantically-tinted option 2C, which goes like: mickey says he can't back out, he can't come out. he has to do this. and ian rolls his eyes or scoffs or both or gives mickey the fucking chin or whatever he does to indicate he thinks the reason mickey "has" to do this is because mickey's a fucking pussy and the only other option is to stand up to his dad. and mickey snaps that actually he has more than one (1) fucking motivation dickhead. and ian challenges him, all oh yeah like what. and mickey gets nice and right up in ian's face and gives him the fucking rundown.

i'm doing this because of you, he says. and ian scoffs again of course, but this time mickey just ignores him and steams right on. he says i'm doing this because you are. fucking self-righteous. and spiteful. and controlling. and fucking sadistic. and ian's like is this supposed to make me less pissed off. but mickey goes on. and you're kind. and generous. and god damn chivalrous, for fuck's sake. and so fucking brave. which finally shuts ian and his very, very loud facial expressions up.

so, mickey says. i know that you couldn't give less of a shit right now if svetlana has her kid taken away, gets deported directly into a russian prison, and never sees the fucking sun again in her life. maybe you even wish that on her. maybe i kind of do too. but i also know that if it hadn't happened to you, if you weren't there... if we were friends, and i didn't do this, we wouldn't be friends anymore.

he says, yeah, i love you, you love me. big fucking whoop. that happens to the fucking worst of us.

he says, i want you to like me.

he says, i'm just trying to grow the fuck up, okay? i don't want to be a fucking shallow selfish stupid god damn teenager for my entire fucking life like our piece of shit fucking parents. i want to be a man. and i- even if it's too late or this is too much, i want to be the kind of man that you would like.

so obviously ian is struck completely dumb. he just stares, wide-eyed and amazed and so absolutely wooed, while mickey finishes his fucking. grand speech. while he adds, quiet and exhausted and somewhat resigned, i'm not fucking ready, if i was ever gonna- but. it has to be done. she can't do it by herself. and there's no one else.

and. i mean really the inherent romance of "i want you to like me" and "i want to be the kind of man that you would like" would have been enough. but now here's this killer finishing move too. because you know fiona is ian's hero. and isn't that exactly what she did for all of them? with one fucking choice, mickey has already become the kind of man ian would like. and beyond! he's become the kind of man that ian respects. that ian admires.

and yeah, he'd like to still be angry. he'd like to still be exactly the selfish teenager mickey has decided he no longer is. and they are teenagers, still, so really that should be their fucking right! and also ian's fucking brain is on fire and he doesn't know what the fuck is going on!! but. well. he doesn't want it to be too late. he doesn't want this to be too much. he wants to grow up too, he's always wanted to grow up, to be a man. to be a good man. an honorable and reliable man. he doesn't want to be like- he doesn't want to be like their parents either.

and he wants mickey to like him too.

anyway. i think i'm clinically insane.

[glowingmin]

chapter 53 of this is an adjuration but its (moderately) analyzed

hi everyone we need to talk about chapter 53 aka i’m going to talk about it and you are going to listen. spoilers for the not only the entire chapter (btw i’m gonna be going crazy) but basically chapters 39 to 53 too. also yes i will be talking about all 100+ footnotes and yes i am going to be mad theorizing throughout. we cite our sources in this bitch.

first off: we’re starting off with Red being dead! fantastic! already in tears again thank you Vio. But now we get a different point of view, which is a lot more detailed. Makes sense because 1: vio and 2: four.

footnote 1: the implications of the hesitation. followed by footnote 76. green is an interesting critter. Red clearly is worried about dying, about becoming nothing if their sword is lost (footnote 93). From what I’m understanding, Vio and maybe Blue also felt the same during the sealing? Not too sure about Blue.

But also this comes back with when they go to pull the sword again! All of Link is in agreement (footnote 101). Which includes Green. Does existing again as Link where they don’t all fit back together perfectly help this along? 

“Shadows grow, harsh and angular, a myriad of isosceles shards spilling out in a tiled plane. The power of them thrums, climes up Vio’s spine in a way that is so very familiar.”

Is Twilight’s shard the same Darkness as Shadow? As the Dark Mirror? I know nothing about twilight princess so I’m probably not qualified to theorize on it. Spoiler alert we're doing it anyways. The wording of shadows here, shadows being used, makes me think that it Has to be the same thing. Especially since Vio says that it feels familiar.

The portals that are taking them across time, whether caused by Hylia or Dink or Hyrule or Whoever Else is playing Tug of Link, also seem to be this dark magic. I don’t remember Vio saying that feels similar. So there has to be some sort of difference between types of dark magic.

revision glowmin here: did some twilight princess research. Apparently Twilight and Vio can shake hands on a friend breaking a mirror and disappearing. they should start a club. 

footnote 2: Red and Vio bonding about Shadow! the pain of ‘when that happens, i’ll be right there’. but!! red isn’t here anymore!! christ!! “He’s good at that. Putting his feelings into metaphorical little boxes where they can’t touch him. Where they can sit and wait until he is no longer, and Link can take the boxes and open them up and the piece that is Vio can examine them under the safety of being a fragment, of being less-than-entire, of being whole, of being One.”

lets talk about this paragraph for a second. Link will no longer exist again. this is Unhealthy Coping 101 lads. He can’t be Link anymore to sort through all of those emotions (I figure Red is normally the one doing the mental housekeeping there anyways). So its going to sit in those boxes and rot there. Will it eventually explode? It sure seems like it during Ravio’s time travel dissertation! 

footnote 3: king link the first. Sky? is Sky the king link mentioned here? like ik he’s the first in the Reincarnation thingie. is link doomed to be the hero because he was named after the king? if he’d been named bob would he have been spared? hmmmm. i mean Sky is literally mentioned in the sentence the footnote is linked to so.

“(...) it would be so easy to think that it was a piece of the King himself that died.” 

but when you think about it, its true. the reincarnation stuff. Four is a Link. Four is a reincarnation of Sky. A part of him just died. So technically yes, I think thats literal.

“Oh. Blue. Blue is here. He can breathe now.”

“He blinks the blurriness out of his vision, to see Blue (his Blue, his guardian, his safety, his wall of ice between them and the world)”

“Of course he has to spell this out for him. Nothing can ever be easy with this man.”

the dual sides of the Vio opinion of one berry boy. The wall of ice though. Is that a callback to Blue being frozen solid in the FSA manga? And how Red had to save him? I notice there’s a lot of elemental imagery in the color-pov’s; green in particular about being comparable to the wind. 

footnote 4:Absolute whiplash of a contrast to footnote 2. We go from Red offering to hear Vio talk about Shadow to chapter 39. chapter 39 my beloathed my sleep paralysis demon. The last thing Vio says to Red.

And we know context for why Red died. Red thought that Dink was Shadow. He offers the benefit of the doubt to Dink under that assumption. Even though Vio just spat at him, even though Vio is pulling away, Red is still trying. It gets him killed. If Vio figures out that information, I feel like it’ll be a terrible time.

“Vi isn’t… isn’t really sure which outcome would be worse. Either one would be better than this limbo, this waiting and floating and his body’s instinctive attempts to make him feel.”

emotions can’t touch me these shades are gucci - vio, probably. also I didn’t realize that Vio was still holding Red’s hand when they tried to become One again. 

“After that, it’s as simple as wanting, of believing that to not be would be better than being, of feeling the thin tether of magic between himself and the gem in the pommel of his sword, and trying to make it stop. (...) Blue scoops up Red’s sword, the only bit of him left behind but his spilled blood, and two glowing points of red cut through the haze.”

foreshadowing?? foreshadowing?? i don’t remember if any other colors have commented on the tether between their swords and themselves. with that out of the way lets Talk about the difference between Vio and Blue’s thoughts of merging and then we’re getting into my Red Isn’t Dead coping theory

From chapter 40: “The three of them come to him, pushing at the magic and praying to anyone who might be kind enough to listen. There’s a flash of light, and Blue braces himself for the momentarily disorienting experience of becoming One, of having himself overwritten as a part from which the sum is made.

So we know from chapter 53 in particular that Vio has not great self imagery. like not at all. His thoughts of becoming one is summarized in that “believing that to not be would be better than being”. Blue, on the other hand, doesn’t have that thought. It’s a bit more vague, but it’s still enough to notice that merging seems to feel different for all the colors (or at the very least Blue and Vio have different interpretations).

The 2 gems on Red’s sword are glowing, and for the rest its just 1. I didn’t know that was a Thing until chapter 53. so here is my thought: where do the colors come from, actually? This chapter is implying that they are an extension of their swords. Are they physical magic, forced into a ‘body’? So hear me out on this one because I went and reread some of the other chapters to formulate this theory (i am coping hard).

What if: Red isn’t dead. He’s not alive, but not dead. Chapter 41: “Sky sees now, with horrible clarity, the similarity between the glow of the twin gemstones set in the pommel and cross guard of the sword, ruby red like his eyes were, and the sky blue pulsing light of Fi’s consciousness (...) Sky does not know if Red is conscious, if he is aware. He does not even know if he even is anymore. He knows only that Red is dead, and whatever remains of him is inside of that blade.”

First time I read this I was still in tears about Red dying so it didn’t make sense. I’ll be coming back to this theory later but for now let’s leave it at ‘red might not be fully dead he might just be in a coma’.

footnote 5: christ time travel makes my head hurt. i’m looking at it i promise i’m looking at it but the brain is rejecting the knowledge like gas station sushi.

footnote 6: FOUR SWORDS MANGA MENTIONED

footnote 7: ‘magical intervention for dead patients’ you mean the fucking necromancy

footnote 8: thesaurus dot com save me /reference

“What does he think? Of the situation? Of the idea that he has to live like this indefinitely? Of the reality in which Vio lives? Of the fact that this has happened twice now?”

Thoughts are stored in the Vio. the ‘twice now’ really hits hard. going to have a cry break again.

footnote 9: SHIT there isn’t a body either time. both times there’s some Item left behind; the shattered Dark Mirror, Red’s sword. but that’s not enough. good grief this is some trauma

remember the theory i literally just mentioned? here’s another point. I’m unsure how much of FSA manga is canon to adjuration (ik its not canon in LU shut up) but at the end we see very well that Shadow is still alive-ish.

Now hear me out: what if this is the same situation for Red? Alive, but no longer able to interact with the real world? Palace of the Four Sword lore from the Ravio cooking show?? put a pin in it we’re coming back later

““I think that creating a chain of alternative realities would be exactly the kind of thing I’d do to get them back. I think that I’d do whatever it takes, break whatever it takes, until all five of us, were together and home, and safe.” Green nods, and Vio knows that he has been overruled. “We go forward, into whatever fate awaits. We’re going to find who did this, and we’re going to kill them.””

Green doesn’t even ask Blue, now that i’m looking at it. that probably spurred a fight at some point off screen?? Also Vio mentioning five here!! and nobody questions it! I’m guessing they think Vio is out of it because Red is dead and that’s why nobody asked. remember this quote it’s going to be important later.

footnote 10: Green can’t lie? i’m gonna have to reread a bit to see that in a new light. Does Green actually want Shadow back? i hope so i think that would be cool.

“Vio nods. Wind can touch him. Wind is kind, Wind is safe. Wind is robed in blue and just as lovingly violent. Wind is a known quantity.”

Blue is also called a protector multiple times in this chapter and i think thats sweet. bittersweet, but sweet. stark contrast to Vio’s opinion in footnote 6 and between footnotes 3-4.vio honey the opinions aren’t staying in those boxes you made you need a U-haul.

footnote 11: i love these domestic colors moments they’re so. good

““I need you to get your shit together, can you do that for me?” Directions unclear, too broad.”

i am not going to make the joke i am Not going to make the joke

footnote 12: never even watched lttp gameplay but i looked it up just for this footnote. rosetta stone hylian edition real

footnote 13: seeing red. i see what you did there.

““...we lost Blue?” Not another, not a third, Vio can’t do this again, he can’t see that again.”

Green pea please be more specific you aren’t helping things. Considering that just a few paragraphs ago Vio was calling Blue their guardian, I would like to think that Vio is instantly going worst case scenario. and who can blame him, really?

footnote 14: heehoo shadow got thanos snapped, more trauma on the vio boat

footnote 15: I’m not sure how much minish cap is in Adjuration lore but him training at a young age makes him being picked to repair the picori blade more reasonable. because why else would you send a child into the wilderness without any help. he got like 2 years of training He’s Fine.

footnote 16: footnote 84 callback

“Wind is blue and water, and he feels just like a big brother should. (...) Green has his voice, has blown it away with his already made up mind.”

More elemental imagery for the colors! And its also being applied to Wind, who wears Blue, and is being compared to Blue.

footnote 17: i couldn’t find any reference of something called a ‘tracking hawk’ other than something that happens in twilight princess apparently? so maybe that’s what this is referencing.

footnote 18: hesitation to smash the Dark Mirror shaking hands with hesitation to put the Four Sword back in its pedestal? also your daily reminder that in the manga TINGLE contributes to why Vio didn’t smash the mirror

footnote 19: is this Blue perception in the memory? about the ice? maybe.

footnote 20: vio picture perfect memory canon.

“A flash of blue. Blue? No, Wind, screaming and disemboweling a moblin three times his size, an unmoving obstacle between Vio and what had been his certain death.”

From chapter 42: “The rest of them all be fucking damned, Wind is getting Vio out of this alive.”

just figured this little nod to that would be important to point out. Wind goes big brother mode and I’m here for it.

footnote 21: tragedy + time = comedy reference maybe? I figure Blue has had some time to cool down by killing monsters, so that’s probably why he’s able to muster a joke. if it was even on purpose

footnote 22: A field guide on first aid would honestly be really good for the colors/Link to know. especially if minish cap is fully in Adjuration canon. I don’t know how well Ezlo would be for administering hylian first aid in the field.

footnote 23: from FSA manga, vio: “Because I was ‘the smart one’ I thought I was always right. I learned ‘smart’ and ‘wise’ aren’t always the same’. Concussion is definitely going to put some struggle on the braincell.

footnote 24: Is Vio the only color capable of lying?

“Vio sighs, and melts into the warmth, the scent of the Dark. It is familiar and it is safe and he is free to go away.”

THE Dark? Implication that there’s only One Type, so. scratch whatever nonsense I was on earlier about there maybe being different types of Dark, ig. 

footnote 25: MINISH CAP MENTIONED!!!!!!!!!

footnote 26: more domestic color moments. Is their home labeled ‘four’? I’m assuming it is because there is an ‘r’ and ‘u’ and each color is painting 1 letter.

theory number three time: what the piss is going on at four’s house. from chapter 44: “Even still, Legend could swear that he saw the handle turn as he drops.” and then chapter 53: “Even still, Vio knows that he sees the door handle turn.” we have 2 inbetween footnotes to go through really quick and then we’re theorizing again.

footnote 27: more fodder for the theory of the colors just being their swords, I think!

footnote 28: wonder which of the colors is the most attuned to magic. maybe vio?

alright its THEORY NUMBER THREE FOR REAL TIME MOTHERFUCKERS THIS IS WHERE I GO CRAZY

“Something Dark and familiar crawls like a shiver up his spine.”

Vio knows Dark magic, okay I think we all understand that. He knows Twilight has Dark magic, the Dark Mirror was Dark magic, Shadow was Dark magic. what in the hell is dark magic inside the color’s home? no clue! this is where my theory comes in (it’s a two in one deal)

theory 3.1: Shadow is going to be revived at some point. The Dark magic is familiar to Vio because it’s Shadow, and Vio knows Shadow’s magic. Is Shadow playing tug of war with Dink to bring the colors home? How would he return from the dead? What time even is it in Four’s era at this 10 second pitstop? This is where I think that this is maybe during the late, LATE part of their adventure through time. but the gist is Shadow is somehow alive and is trying and failing to draw anything other than an uno reverse card. 

from chapter 45: ““Odd, that. It’s not like there’s anything interesting in there. We tore the whole place apart after the first time. It’s just a small town forge.””

we will bring this back up at the Ravio hour. everything comes up at the ravio hour.

theory 3.2: its Vio from the future. when we get to the Ravio Insanity I’ll get more into this, but we need to go back to this line from chapter 53: “I think that creating a chain of alternative realities would be exactly the kind of thing I’d do to get them back. I think that I’d do whatever it takes, break whatever it takes, until all five of us, were together and home, and safe.” Maybe this is Future Vio making good on his word. ripping apart time and space alike for a CHANCE to save Red.

footnote 29: legend is royalty Adjuration canon?

footnote 30: vio gaslighting hour, but he’s only gaslighting himself. from FSA manga Vio says: “But as a hero, I never strayed from my hopes and goals.” He calls himself a hero here, but then laments about it later. Plus he doesn’t seem happy during the whole confrontation sooooo

footnote 31: fourth edition hehehe

footnote 32: So Blue is to blame for the color’s haircut? I am so deep into brainworms I can’t remember if Four’s eyes changed colors or not.

““He’s got like thirty books crammed in here, where has he been getting them all?””

i love Green and Blue doing their best to bring Vio back to them. rise and shine gamer you need to read your concussion away.

footnote 33: existential crisis from footnote 27

footnote 34: excellent word choice Blue

“Vio pulls the book up, out of the bag and into his lap. It’s heavy and leather bound, with a metalwork crescent moon on the cover. A present from Ravio. (...) Ravio who insists at some point in their future, Vio will want to shatter a Light spell.”

remember theory 1? about Red not being dead? here’s more food for this theory. Four is also called the Hero of Light. A Light Spell. The Four Sword is made to cleave through the darkness (chapter 52). To shatter a Light Spell might be them trying to bring Red back from limbo. if he is in limbo. i hope he’s just in limbo.

“His brothers are both in their usual positions relative to him when they sit like this, the empty space where Red ought to be gaping like a wound.” 

you did not have to hurt me like this

footnote 35: Dark Mirror related trauma hours part TWO!!!!

footnote 36: and then it pivots right back from me tearing up to cackling about Shadow and Vio antics. I wonder what word Vio said here to make Shadow confused.

footnote 37: looking at shattering a Light Spell. looking at the magic of the Four Sword. if the Light spell Vio wants to shatter really is Red’s sword, the fact that Four is a blacksmith just might be what saves the situation

“The book is tugged from his hands and Blue’s own, cold and calloused, take hold.”

Are Blue’s hands permanently cold from being frozen? I know there’s been ice and water imagery in the past with Blue but this would be neat. Also did Blue and Green also see the note Ravio left (Don’t let anyone but you Four see this) and that’s why Blue is taking the book away?

footnote 38: we love character insight!! we love link knowing that a custom product tailored to the horse is better than a one size fits all mold!! hell yeah!

“Vi watches as Blue’s expression ices over.”

More ice imagery, this time with Wind present! Wind is sticking up for Vio like the big brother he is. And from chapter 45 we know that Wind most likely just finished telling Sky off about not being okay, too, so he is just picking up Red’s place as therapist I guess!

39: more important possible minish cap or just adventure in general books to have read

“Wind is curled into the front of him, blankets tangled up in the boy’s legs. Vio twists in place, spinning to face Blue. His brother is still in his sleep, face softer than it ever is when he’s conscious. Red’s sword creating a barrier between them, laid in its scabbard (Blue’s scabbard, they have to get him a new one just for him now) on the bedding, Blue’s fingers held fast to the hilt. Where’s Green?”

I skimmed through chapter 45-46 and I didn’t see any mention of where Green is at this point so I’m not sure where he is. But Wind is in on the cuddling and I’m here for it. And also… Red’s sword is still in the pile. Is there symbolism behind Red’s sword being between Vio and Blue? About how Blue is using the voice reserved for Red for Vio, now?

footnote 40: thinking this is pre minish cap, I think link already has a scabbard when he starts that journey.

“The boy gently presses them to Vio’s temples, and it is warm and loving and wild and red.”

All of those adjectives are applicable to Red. food for thought.

“Vio looks back down at the book in his hands. Not Ravio’s, good. His brothers aren’t that stupid, thank Hylia.”

So here I think the other colors have seen the note Ravio left them. I don’t know if they’ve discussed anything about it or not. or maybe they don’t know and its only Vio?

footnote 41: concussion

footnote 42: book (yeah I don’t have much to say for these two footnotes)

“The fire is warm and the floor is hard under his shoulder blades as he stares up at the ceiling, Blue on one side, Wind on the other.”

Wind is shoving Green out of the equation I think. I feel like this animosity will probably become important later but so far I don’t think anythings happened.

footnote 43: I know nothing about coffee so I really don’t know what this footnote is about, but Red is precious as always.

footnote 44: BODY LANGUAGE FOR DUMMIES i cackled when i saw that

“Green visibly chews that idea over in his mind, probably working overtime to have an original thought.” Compared to chapter 46: “Green frowns, starting to mentally replay every interaction that he has had with Legend. The universe, or fate, or… Hylia, maybe the Goddess herself decides that that is enough thinking for him today, because that is when the portal opens.”

footnote 45: “Not that Shadow's pressence here is strange, but for the first time, Vio didn't sense him coming. The alarms didn't start going off. He was woken by a physical touch, not warned seconds before by the indescribable feeling of wrong that slithers up his spine whenever this boy gets too close.”

WE ARE GOING TO BE COMING BACK TO THIS FOOTNOTE KEEP IT IN YOUR BRAINS FOLKS

footnote 46: Sky is arguing with Green, and then it references the downfall of Skyloft. beans

footnote 47: arson is the answer. arson is always the answer.

““Walk away before I break your nose again.” His protector says this as casually as if he were listing off how many nails they needed to make that week.”

Blue is (as the quote says) protecting Vio here. which is sweet. Blue broke Green’s nose back at the ranch (chapter 46)

footnote 48: Dark Mirror shattering reference? I wonder how long after the adventure this is. Also we know one set of the footsteps is Blue, but who’s the other? 

footnote 49: A feeling of something Dark, something wrong slithers with a shiver up his spine. Vio looks up, and sihloutted in the moonlight, there is a boy in a tree.

WE’RE COMING BACK TO THIS ONE TOO.

footnote 50: honestly surprised its not a plastic plant but this is arguably funnier

““Hyrule says a big fight is heading our way. We aren’t going to be able to keep you out of it.””

We’re at chapter 47 now!

footnote 51: considering how Easy the bow is to use in FSA this footnote makes a lot of sense.

footnote 52: multivariable calculus and ‘simple straightforward’ do not belong in the same sentence vio what the shit.

footnote 53: in the manga vio is shown to load 2 arrows at once, so yeah archery being preferred makes sense to me!

footnote 54: blacksmith fun!

footnote 55: god i fucking hate geometry all my homies hate geometry

footnote 56: MINISH!!!!

footnote 57: john mulaney reference?? also grandpa and the colors! wonder where Four’s father went

“Vio nearly laughs at the realization that all of that pain and suffering could have been avoided if they had simply gone through in pieces every time. And he’s supposed to be the smart one.”

They’ve been through a few portals since Red’s death by now, so the fact that he’s only noticing this now speaks volumes to how… mm, withdrawn into himself he’s been.

“Vio stares at the portal itself, considering. Hyrule made this. He didn’t know that was something that one of them could just do. (...) Vio slides his hand into his own pack, feeling around until he makes contact with the book Ravio gave him, finger tracing delicately around the thin ornamentation. All this time, he has had the directions for non-paradoxical time travel literally in his fucking pocket.”

hey remember theory 3.2? this might be where Vio gets the idea that he can do this sort of thing.

revision glowmin here: for some reason footnote 58 got deleted. So here it is! Vio does in fact look smug.

““How long have you known that Red was going to die?” Vio aks, voice as hard and unfeeling as stone.”

More earth elemental imagery for Vio!

“Ravio flinches, not meeting Vio’s stare. “The eighth,” he practically whispers, as if confessing to a crime.”

I know I mentioned this in my Ravio Board Analysis but the Link To Ravio timeline traveling being nonlinear makes my brain hurt and I cry. 

footnote 59: Vio would forgo reading to watch Blue and Vio spar (?) so you know its good stuff

““So don’t. Because I’m sorry Legend, but I’m going to have to kill your husband now.” Blue says this as gently and steady as a summer rain.”

graduated cylinder homophobia

footnote 60: the stark comparison between Blue’s playful sparring with green (footnote 59) and the dance fight with Red (this footnote) really makes him going for Legend look like murder. which. was the point but you know what I mean

footnote 61: I am 90% sure this scene happens right after Shadow disguises himself as Vio in order to get the other colors to actually fight Vaati effectively. We don’t see which direction Shadow leaves and Vio enters from, but it is possible that its the same direction. and the next time we see Shadow he is limping, so,,,, yeah.

“(...) Blue flips his grip on Red’s sword and slams the pommel into Legend’s nose, which Legend answers with a shield bash of his own right to his brother’s face. Vio hopes it hurts.”

This strikes me as a bit odd since Vio has been calling Blue ‘protector’ and ‘guardian’ throughout this chapter, albeit with pauses of dismissing him for brashness. Perhaps its because of the note Ravio left in that book, and the knowledge that in the future he wants to shatter a Light spell? And in order to do that Ravio must still be alive, so that’s my reasoning on why Vio wants Blue to hurt.

footnote 62: MINISH CAP MENTIONED also this must be before the minish cap journey because I think after that any attempt to say Link is ‘too old for that nonsense’ is thrown out the window.

footnote 63: vidow (metal pipe sound effect)

““Captain,” he says, walking over to him first. “This is from him.” (...) A room full of eyes on him, Vio tears open the envelope and carefully pulls out the single scrap of paper. (...) ‘You’re going to have to trust me, Violet. And you’re going to have to prove you’re as good a liar as he says you are. I’m trying to help all Five of you. -Not a hypocrite, either.’”

WE’RE HERE ITS TIME FOR THE THEORIES TO COME ROLLING. YOU REMEMBER THE FOOTNOTES I TOLD YOU TO REMEMBER? THEY’RE COMING IN NOW.

back to back here we have the mentioning of a ‘he/him’. I think its pretty clear that when Ravio is addressing Warriors, he’s referring to Wind in the future. Wind hasn’t gone to the War of Eras yet, and he gets called some weather nicknames in chapter 52 (“That crazy little hurricane who knew more than any person should, and was drowning in the weight of all that unwanted wisdom.” (...) “kidnapping people like my poor self and that damn riptide.”)

So that begs the question: who is the ‘he’ Ravio is mentioning in his letter to Vio? Is this future Wind? I see two possibilities, and so I raise you theory 3.2.1: Wind is the one who is helping future Vio rip holes in the fabric of time. You remember right before footnote 10, where Vio mentions five instead of four? Maybe this is where Wind would get the ‘five’ from when describing things to Ravio. Not super important I think but it is absolutely worth mentioning.

now I hope you’re ready for my insanity folks!

The line ‘not a hypocrite either’ leads me to believe that Ravio is referring to himself and Legend. Ravio is Legend’s dark world counterpart, just as Shadow is Four’s. To imply that he is not a hypocrite means that Ravio knows of Shadow’s existence. More than that, he knows of Vio and Shadow’s relationship. 

Now I’ve reread Adjuration 3x now and Legend has completed the Palace of the Four Sword (chapter 24: “I FUCKING KNEW IT!” Legend’s mouth moves faster than his brain for once in his life, and he winces, but goes with it. “I knew I recognized that damn sword.”) My running theory is that perhaps the Palace of the Four Sword being in the Dark World is what could possibly lead to Shadow being revived. let me explain.

in the board of madness of chapter 49, we get the timeline of the visits. Chapter 49 is visit 8 for Ravio. It is the only one thats black. For Ravio, he apparently learns who Shadow is BEFORE he learns who Red is. The visit for when he learns about Shadow (visit 8 ravio visit 6 links) is yet to happen in Adjuration. There’s 1 more visit between visit 2 ravio visit 8 links (visit 6 ravio visit 7 links) so SOMETHING is going to happen between the next 2 visits, i guarantee it. My theory? Control is going to be waived from Dink (if only slightly) and he is going to Get Pissed. More on that later but first: who’s at the forge.

Each time Shadow’s magic/Dark magic is addressed by Vio, it is done in a similar way. Chapter 53: “The power of them thrums, climes up Vio’s spine in a way that is so very familiar.” “Something Dark and familiar crawls like a shiver up his spine.” “He was woken by a physical touch, not warned seconds before by the indescribable feeling of wrong that slithers up his spine whenever this boy gets too close.” “A feeling of something Dark, something wrong slithers with a shiver up his spine.”

Every. Single. Time. Dark magic is either called ‘familiar’ or ‘wrong’, and it sometimes causes Vio to shiver. There is some force of Dark magic attempting to bring the chain to Four’s forge. It is that line about it being familiar when they drop in their most recent visit that leads me to believe that it is Shadow. How is it Shadow? Freyja confirmed that Shadow is 100% dead at the end of the events of the manga, so we know he’s dead. I have almost zero basis for this but I have a Theory (this logic is solely going off of the “Entity in the Forge” vibes).

In chapter 24, we get insight on the Palace of the Four Sword from Legend. “Don’t think about where he saw it the first time, don’t picture Four like that , don’t think about the malice and the stench of death, the black magic and the hatred rolling off the blade in waves. Fight now. Panic later.”

Is there a difference between black magic and Dark magic? I don’t know enough Zelda lore to say for certain. What we do know is that Legend is from Four’s future. Time travel confusion aside, in a Link to the Past, there is a copy of Red. What I think is going on here is that the Palace of the Four Sword being in the Dark World is perhaps a catalyst to revive Shadow. He came from the Dark Mirror after all; surely that much Dark magic in one place would be good for this sort of thing? The hatred is a bit concerning but I think a little anger is good as a treat.

How does he get back to his proper time period? Cia’s spellbook, I think. I truly honestly 85% believe that the tug of war here is between Shadow and Dink/the Yiga Clan. From tumblr, we have the list of the chain as follows: Sky, Four, Red, Green, Blue, Vio, Time, Legend, Hyrule, Wind, Twilight, Warriors, Wild, and then a redaction of a member.

(brief pause by revision glowmin here: the distinction of Four being different than the RGBV is a neat detail)

As far as I know there’s only a few options that this 14th Link could be. It could be the link from Spirit Tracks; unless Adjuration Wind also has that adventure. It could possibly be the Ancient hero from BOTW, the one shown on the tapestry and then in the Hero’s Aspect in TOTK. It could be the first ever Link, the one before Sky. Or it could be Shadow. I don’t think any of these four options deal with Dark magic other than Shadow.

There’s also my other theory that it’s Vio (and possibly Future Wind?). Vio has already made it clear that he will do whatever it takes (confirmed by freyja via tumblr: “Vio is willing to get his hands dirty. Vio is willing to shatter fragile things. Vio has nothing left to loose.”) I’ll bet my stockpile of gummy worms that the other 15% is this scenario. (“He doesn’t need to. For the five of them, there is no price too high, no cost too great. He’s going to do whatever it takes.”)

(revision glowmin again. no cost too great? hollow knight moment.)

Now let’s talk about the Yiga Clan for a bit. I want to strangle them like a wet sock. They’re like the Eyes of Ganon that Hyrule talks about sometimes. I know little about them, but the point is that their goals are the same: kill the hero to revive Ganon. For the Eyes, its Hyrule, because they need his blood. For the Yiga Clan, it’s Wild, because… well, he killed Ganon and its revenge time.

I think the reason the Yiga Clan are so against the chain being in Four’s era for more than a few seconds (other than the fact that they’re not the ones taking the chain there) is related to Ravio’s thesis. “His era might not be poison to Darkness the way that Sky’s is, but it’s too closely guarded.”

If the chain wind up in Four’s era, and the Yiga can’t wrangle them back, Dink might lost control of the ordeal. For the most part it seems like he’s been the one picking and choosing where the portals will lead the heroes. (“The Captain arches an eyebrow, “Who are the other players?” / “Hylia, The Yiga clan, and Hyrule, though he has hesitated to take his turns, for starters.””)If he lost that control, I feel like it would be a spiral of madness as he goes off script to get them back under his thumb.

For the silly, how I’ve been coping with the angst has been that Red and Shadow are 2 ghosts following the Chain around and just watching all this shit go down. Canon? 99% sure that’s not the case, but it sure would be funny! i drew a little something to commemorate this coping mechanism.

okay. ramblings and thoerizationings are over (I probably repeated myself way too much). tldr: there’s plausible cause for the dark entity at Four’s forge to be Shadow, but it could also possibly be Vio from the future/near the end of the journey. Whoever it is, they’re threatening to remove some of Dink’s control of the situation and that might Escalate Conflict. The Palace of the Four Sword is important to a possible Red revival (and maybe Shadow)! I am never going to emotionally recover from this.

back to your regularly scheduled analysis that is probably going to go off the walls again.

footnote 64: again: if Four had been named Bob and not Link, would the Minish have had to pick a different hero? I wonder what reasoning Four’s father had for naming him after the king, anyways.

footnote 65: Ravio and Legend’s dynamics being directly related to Vio and Shadow. More correlation of Ravio saying he’s ‘not a hypocrite either’.

footnote 66: domestic color antics. Blue screaming that he’s going to kill Red, starkly contrasting with how Blue reacted when Red actually died. We know that Blue was exaggerating here in the flashback but it’s here, so its getting mentioned.

“Vio gets up, leaving them to it in order to get a better view of Ravio’s notes. It’s not hard to follow. The Timeline in the middle, their lives in bullet points on one end, their visits to this era in history on the other.”

Vio sweetie I don’t understand the visits to the Ravio Center. at least he gets it so good for him I guess.

“Wind marches over, frowning. “What are you - oh.” The sailor frowns as he takes it all in. “Why is my name all over this?” / Green blinks. “That’s what I was asking you.””

The revisitation of the animosity growing between Green and Wind! 

footnote 67: Not sure when this flashback takes place, but I’m assuming its shortly after Shadow’s death?

footnote 68: There is a lot of. unrest in the chain because of Red’s death. Twilight gets outed as Wolfie, the colors are in shambles, Green and Wind are fighting, Twilight and Wild are not having good terms, the Fierce Deity is brought out, etc etc it is a Shit Show.

rapid fire footnote time

footnote 69: Legend just said that he might not stop Blue from killing Ravio this time. This is, of course, comparable to how the last thing Vio said to Red was to spit in his face. which is what this footnote is a recap of.

footnote 70: projection moment

footnote 71: Shadow gets blasted to bits

footnote 72: I believe this is a callback to footnote 48

footnote 73: More broken glass imagery back to back. Vio pointing out that for the next two visits that happen for Ravio is going to be when he possibly learns who Shadow is, and a better understanding of Red. I think. the timeline of the Ravio Hours hurts my head.

footnote 74: WHO IS THE HE. we already went over this but I’m bringing it up again. Wind or Shadow, I’m placing my bets.

footnote 75: Red again reassuring Vio about Shadow, and about how they all would like him back. Which is, again, making Vio spitting at Red right before he dies all the worse.

footnote 76: “Green on the other hand, feels nothing but the desire to get this over with.” Now that I’ve given it more thought, I don’t think this is ‘hee hoo Green is Diet Link’. I think Green is still feeling unnerved about it (see footnote 1), but its perhaps muddled over him trying to keep the others from backing out.

footnote 77: of course vio knows statistics

footnote 78: Vio calling himself a traitor here, I think is an implication of how he considers himself a villain but… if he’s a traitor to Shadow, who is the ‘villain’ here, at the very least it’s morally grey territory. i think. i don’t know man

footnote 79: I believe this also happens right after footnote 48

footnote 80: Okay but the fact that this is ‘twice will happen thrice’. This has happened twice to Vio (Shadow and Red). The third time would be Ravio.

footnote 81: Wind specifically being mentioned here is important I think. I don’t know why its important but it feels important. especially since he was the one who stood up to Green.

footnote 82: crying

“Vio freezes, words going still in his throat as they choke him. He’s getting overly emotional. He’s getting worked up. His feelings are trying to exhume themselves.”

I feel like this is a direct callback to the start of the chapter. Vio says that he can put all his emotions into boxes to save them for when he becomes One. I think the boxes are beginning to overflow.

footnote 84: another continuation of footnote 48, 72, and 79 I think.

footnote 85: Vio throwing shade at Green

footnote 86: blue performed a whoopsies

footnote 87: Derealization moment I think. Which honestly, yeah with all the screaming going on in this scene I can. yeah.

“Vio turns and sees Wild, lowering a serving tray down, upon which rests four cups full of steaming tea.”

Four cups, but I think in this case the four are Vio, Blue, Green, and Sky. I don’t think there’s anyone else in this part of the conversation. 

footnote 88: IMPORTANT!! IMPORTANT SHIT HERE!! SOUND THE ALARMS. Not only is it a title drop, but we also have Shadow beginning to understand that he can be more than just one thing. He was created by Ganon to be evil, yes, but then in the manga Zelda tells him that he is as much a hero as the colors are. I think this is a scene that will come into play later if the entity at the forge is in fact Shadow. or if there’s any future Shadow related plot points.

footnote 89: I think Vio might be the only color capable of lying. In chapter 53 we hear that Blue nor Green can (or are good at) lying. Red being able to lie isn’t brought up, but I’d assume it to be the same scenario.

footnote 90: quote straight out of the manga

“Everyone else moves an instant after Legend’s fist crashes into Wild’s eye, to pull them apart or join in the fight, Vio isn’t sure.” 

Here we learn that Legend punches Wild! I’m pretty sure this is where his knuckles get injured, and its the wound Hyrule’s blood heals.

footnote 91: Shadow dies and then Ganon shows up, so it is… a situation, that’s for sure! Unless Adjuration takes a different spin on that part of the manga. Vio calling himself a villain again is also important because he does not define himself as a hero.

““I’m not letting go of Red,” Blue says, as passive a threat as a sheet of ice above a turbulent river. “Take me if you need to, but not Red.””

It seems like all of the colors understand now that they are (?) their swords. He’s telling Warriors to take himself, but not Red, in reference to disarming. Also, more ice and water symbolism!

footnote 92: ‘singular point of light’. I feel like this might be a contribution to shattering a Light spell

footnote 93: fire imagery for Red!

footnote 94: IT WAS THE WORD FOUR. okay good I wasn’t tripping. I think the black paint here is for Shadow. And since its Link doing this, I think that it is proof that its not just Vio who wants Shadow back but rather All the colors.

footnote 95: callbacks to all the training flashbacks of Link and his father, I think

footnote 96: Ravio says that Four does not fail, and then the footnote is a flashback of him failing to exist after merging back together for the first time. short king stay winning

footnote 97: MINISH CAP MENTIONED. but also ‘happy and warm and safe and red’.... more Red imagery

footnote 98: I think this must be shortly before the adventure begins. Link isn’t split, but he knows that he is able to. So it has to be after the Four Sword is removed from the seal, but before the journey starts else he’d probably be addressed as Four here.

““But we keep going there, so it’s not entirely out of the running?” Warriors asks, trying to make sense of the plot. / “It wasn’t, but it is now.” Ravio sighs. “Dink isn’t sending you there, he isn’t going there if he can help it. The risks far outweigh the benefits.”

refer back to my deranged ramblings about Dink losing a smidgen of control of the situation in regards to this quote.

footnote 99: More wondering of how Ravio learns there’s 5 instead of 4. It’s not mentioned in the Palace of the Four Sword as far as I’m aware

footnote 100: again I am pointing at my deranged ramblings above.

footnote 101: In comparison to Green wanting to get it over with, Link being entirely in agreement to split again here is important. The seal will hold for years, they have time to exist. Why spend that time needlessly suffering?

footnote 102: I would ALSO like to know what happened to the Four Sword Ravio. also cute nickname hours and domestic color times.

footnote 103: MINISH CAP CALLBACK to Zelda and Link being childhood friends. It’s also a FS manga callback but shhhh

““The fate of the Four Sword is not relevant to the mission at hand… Captain.””

The hesitation here. I think it means something. I feel as if its to be directed at someone else (maybe Vio?) that this point of the story isn’t important yet.

footnote 104: And here’s the distinction between Four and the colors, in the 14 links guide.

footnote 105: Green is not Diet Link and we all will die on this hill

“One revelation at a time, Ravio chips away at the stone of Vio’s heart.”

More earth elemental imagery for Vio

footnote 106: (we did it we made it to the last one holy shit.) and of course the last footnote is domestic color moments, and its just… so bittersweet.

““Hey Vio? Can you finish this for me?” Ravio calls him back to the real world. He’s kneeling over a small pile of books, pointing to the righted bookcase by the front door. “I need to check on someone.””

This is absolutely done on purpose. “Between History of Masks and Hytopian History of High Fashion, entirely unassuming, is Cia’s spellbook.” There is absolutely zero way that this part, getting Vio to see Cia’s book here, was not intentionally orchestrated by Ravio.

“What this Palace could be Vio has no idea, yet he thinks the answer to both questions might be one and the same.”

alright we did it. we finished the play by play. a few wrap up thoughts and then class is dismissed.

ranking my theories based on how probable I think they are.

1: Shadow is the one at the forge.

2: Wind and Green’s animosity is going to become a key point later on.

3: The ‘he’ mentioned in Ravio’s letter to Vio is Shadow.

4: The ‘he’ mentioned in Ravio’s letter to Vio is Wind from after the War of Ages.

5: Future Vio is the one at the forge.

6: Future Vio is being assisted by future Wind at the forge.

7: Cia’s spellbook is going to corrupt the colors, leading to the versions of the colors that Legend fights. Could possibly be an alternate timeline

8: The Palace of the Four Sword was put in the Dark World by malicious forces to keep the chain from getting something important out of there.

overall this chapter absolutely demolished my mental state metaphorically and literally. revision glowmin will return at a later time to maybe make this more coherent but I unfortunately sold my braincell already. i heart adjuration but it needs to start paying rent.

[elvisabutler]

i'm simply aware i'm hard to resist

summary: you shouldn't have asked baz to sit in on austin rehearsing the 68 special just because you wanted to force austin's hand on paying attention to you in person, but you like to think you have the upper hand anyway. you don't. relationship: austin x reader, elvis x priscilla, mention of past austin x vanessa rating: m. word count: 5301 warning: dom/sub dynamics, daddy kink, age difference of almost ten years, public sex, trailer sex, p in v sex, fingering, unprotected sex, implication of edging/orgasm control. i think that might be everything? author's note: hi. it's been a while. so i had this started for a while and then i got wrapped up in some real life stuff and writing a bunch of requests. but i see that i have almost 900 notes on the last part and it seems very cruel to deny y'all any longer. so hi. it's been a long time. a long time baby. also. not my favorite chapter, but, the next one, trust me i love that one so much it's a very good one. i hope you guys enjoy and i'm sorry if this feels like a letdown. promise i'll make it up to you. this is a part of the you read your lines so cleverly and never missed a cue series. specifically it’s the third. the first part is here and here is the second part.

"Still think I'm a sub, darlin'?" His voice slides easily into Elvis's accent and depth as he curls a finger inside your cunt. The noise it makes has you groaning against the headrest behind his head. "Still think I was a lapdog to Nessa? Still think I didn't have her on her knees when she asked for it like a good girl? When she didn't act like a brat?"

"You've got your fingers-" You take a shaky breath, trying to get friction against his hand that he won't move. "Why are you talking about your ex with your hand-" He cuts you off with a bite to your neck.

"To prove a point, Little Dove. You have to ask for what you want from me."

"And if I don't?" You almost snarled back because Christ did that bite hurt but it wasn't unwelcome either.

You feel him start to move his hand immediately after you ask that and you can't help the whine of daddy that escapes you unbidden. He stops at the word and smirks. "Then the little dove is going to go back inside wet and aching for her daddy. Unable to cum again. Not able to feel how hard she made daddy." He paused. "Could even make her have to watch daddy take care of what she did to him in the passenger seat. No touching of course. Because she won't ask."

"So what will it be, Little Dove? Am I going to hear how pretty you coo with my fingers in you today? See how your face looks when you're spaced out and fucking yourself on them?" His teeth pull in his lower lip, biting it along the way. "Or are you just going watch your daddy?"

"You're not my daddy." You responded before anything else. "But I'd like you to let me cum. On your fingers."

He grins and it is so strangely soft you swear your heart skips a beat. "Your wish is my command, Little Dove. Was that so hard?"

“Y/N?” You hear your name being called, shaking you out of the daydream you found yourself having. You look up and see your vocal coach looking at you with a raised eyebrow. “Were you listening?”

You want to lie, you probably should lie but Isabelle is nice and you need her help at least for now to learn how to have your own voice flit easily to Priscilla’s at a moment’s notice. “I’m- not in the slightest, sorry Isabelle, the time change is still messing with my head.”

A half lie, but a half truth. Your body still hadn’t quite adjusted to the time difference and you found yourself on more than one occasion waking up in the middle of the night or passing out in your trailer during lunch However, you’re also entirely aware staying up late talking to Austin might have also been the problem. Part of it was that his rehearsals were taking up a lot of time, trying to perfect the moves was taking so much of his time and that wasn’t even getting into his vocal work- of which you really didn’t think he needed that much, but you never had asked him how long he had already been working on it. But really though, you were daydreaming and you knew it. Honestly, this was beginning to become a problem with you and not being able to- act on your daydream. Austin seemed into you and yes while you had said that you wouldn’t be calling him daddy you hadn’t figured that was a deal breaker for sexual contact that wasn’t over text. 

From the way he was acting though, apparently it was. Apparently you were the bad sub who broke the rule and now you get this sad- attempt at attention. You want to pout about it, honestly, you want to march right up to him and ask if he gets off on leaving subs hanging. You thought he didn’t and yet here he was just leaving you hanging, wanting for more while not giving you anything beyond little crumbs. It was feeling like Papi all over again. 

“You’re lucky what I was saying wasn’t too important.” Isabelle shakes her head before sighing. “How about we try this again tomorrow? Hm? After you’ve gotten sleep and are focused on me and not- whatever else it is that has your attention.”

You have the decency to look a little guilty before you nod. “Probably for the best, I’m sorry, this- I’m usually much more of a professional.”

“I’ve heard. But Australia isn’t for the faint of heart. We’ll get you there.” She replies pointing to your lines. “But practice in the meantime. Get a partner if they don’t keep you awake too long.”

Your eyebrows wait until she leaves the trailer before they just raise up at her sentence. Telling you to get a partner to practice your Priscilla voice with. Yeah, that was going to end well. Honestly the only person you could think of doing it with was Austin because if anyone would know other than your coach how Priscilla should sound it would be him.

Come to think of it, maybe your vocal coach had a point about needing to practice with someone and honestly, you didn’t have anything pressing to do right in that moment. Where was the harm in maybe going to watch Austin as he rehearsed the 68 special. Where was the harm in maybe actually using it as a chance to talk to him in person afterward. He couldn’t very well ignore you if you were right there. You shoot off a quick text to Baz, asking if it’s alright for you to sit in on the rehearsal even though you weren’t necessarily in costume. His response was a simple yes with a picture of an empty spot right at the front of the stage. You couldn’t help but laugh a little as you walked to the sound stage. You had seen how Austin looked with his hair but you had yet to see how he looked in any of his costumes. In fact, you had heard that this particular one was a bit much probably due to the leather involved. Honestly, the part of you that respected the other side of the camera, the directing and the production side of it was just curious if Catherine had used actual leather. 

Hey. Baz said I could come by and watch you rehearse. Front row seat to how my Elvis looks all put together.

My hair isn't completely put together, Cilla.

Less of a hassle for hair and make up to put back together if someone messes it up.

Are you planning to? 

I mean I might not be wearing any panties under my skirt so maybe?

Jesus Christ, Y/N. Don’t say stuff like that. I'm in compression underwear but that can only do so much. Leather isn't that forgiving.

You don’t respond back with anything other than an angel emoji. Are you aware there is a possibility it might get you in trouble? Yes, you are but anything is better than the load of nothing Austin has been giving you. The walk to the rehearsal area takes longer than expected just because the assistant assigned to dragging you there is lost herself. Why you got one of the few assistants who don’t know their way around the set just yet, you have no idea but you’re stuck with her and it’s a little grating. You make polite small talk, all while trying to tell her that you go this certain way because you were paying attention the last time you had an assistant tell you where to go. Eventually you arrive and you smile before practically rushing the stage. Austin is nowhere to be found at the time, but still it doesn’t hurt to be in position for when he does show up.

Baz’s voice is what you hear before you see Austin show up, too enraptured in your phone but when you look up your jaw drops and you swear you hear yourself gasp. Intellectually you’re aware that Austin is attractive and intellectually you’re aware that the leather jumpsuit on Elvis is attractive. Somehow your brain didn’t combine both of these things together into one thought of Austin in Elvis’s leather jumpsuit would be as attractive as it is. It occurs to you in the back of your head that whenever he is completely in costume you’re not entirely sure you’ll be able to act like a professional without someone coaching you. Austin turns to see you before you have a chance to school your face into something more normal and he smirks like he’s less Austin Butler and more Elvis Presley and it shouldn’t turn you on but for some reason it does. Austin takes the long way around the stage, allowing himself to pass by you and have his fingertips graze your shoulders. You shiver and you know it’s not because of the cold air in the room. This is continuing to be a problem, oh this is going to become a very very big problem if he keeps this up. It takes him a second to get settled on stage, jumping around like he’s needing to adjust how the jumpsuit is gripping parts of his bottom half but when he does he looks at you and winks before launching into the scene he needs to rehearse. It’s been a minute since you’ve done extra work and this isn’t necessarily the full scene but you show your enthusiasm as you should at the right moments and if you didn’t know any better Austin appears to be feeding off your reactions, focusing on you versus Baz or Polly or anyone else. In a way it's flattering and your brain focuses purely on that and you feel almost like you do when you’re being praised before you’re brought back to Earth by the touch of Austin’s fingers near your chin. His grip isn’t tight but it forces you to look at him to see how his eyes- those blue eyes are looking like the beginnings of a storm at sea- dangerous but inviting all the same. Your breath leaves your body and you end up leaning forward just a bit before he drops your chin and stands back up with an ease you envy. You’re a professional but you swear you’re a little lightheaded. 

The thing was, it would have been one thing if Austin had just done it once, you could have handled that, brushed it off as Austin just wanting you to look at him just that one time, but he keeps doing it. The second you appear to be not paying attention to him and he’s on his knees in front of you he’s grabbing your chin. It should be less invigorating by now, less breathtaking but maybe it’s the combination of seeing him fall to his knees or maybe it’s knowing that he wants you to just focus on him and him alone but by the time Baz says something about taking a break you feel like you’re hearing him in a tunnel. You’re not, and you know you’re not in subspace but you still swear you feel your blood pumping through your veins, taking oxygen to where it needs to go. You realize that you need to get out of here, and you think you need to actually get Austin to come with you without anyone else accompanying you. It shouldn’t be too hard to do, just tell Baz that you two count as each other’s buddies and you’ll have him back within the hour. Thankfully Austin looks like he’s reviewing the footage with Baz as you get up and make your way to them, a smile on your face that betrays none of the problems going through your head right in that moment. 

“Y/N!” Baz exclaims, causing Austin to turn and face you. If he notices how you seem to stop breathing for a second when he looks at you he doesn’t comment on it, instead choosing to wrap an arm around your shoulder the second you’re close enough. In any other circumstance, with anyone else you would have already removed their arm with a sharp comment. The sharp comment is still on your tongue, but you let Austin keep his arm around you, enjoying the weight of it for once in your life. 

“Baz, that was amazing, I- if that’s just the rehearsal I think the actual scene is going to be amazing. Exactly what his special needs.” You pause, and look up at Austin through the corner of your eyes. “Can I steal my Elvis- your leading man for the hour? Or just a bit while everyone’s getting lunch. I think he needs to sit down- can’t have him passing out, am I right?”

Baz eyes both you and Austin curiously for a moment before he nods. “Only because I know you know as well as every assistant on this production that we can’t go around losing him. And I did see you try and shake off your own helper when you came in, I trust you know the way to his trailer from yours.” 

Your brain does not even process the words coming out of your mouth before you say them with a laugh. “Not intimately, but I do.”

Austin chokes on what you think is air at those words, coughing for a second as if to clue you in to what you said before he manages some form of composure himself. “Never intimately, because that’d be weird.” 

You wince with your entire body at that sentence, wondering what you were thinking saying what you said and what in the world Austin was thinking following up with that. “He-”

“Don’t worry, I understand. I’ll let you two “not intimately” find your way to the trailers.” Baz laughs quietly despite every part of his face saying that he finds the exchange to be the funniest thing he’s heard in a while. 

When Baz has turned and when Austin has started to turn with you still under his arm you let out a huff of air. “We’re never speaking of that again.”

“Agreed.” Austin quickly says before he looks down at you curled under his arm looking like you’ve always belonged there. “Did you like the show?”

The hum that leaves you is an attempt to buy you time, an attempt to make it so you can decide just how to answer that before you actually speak. You don’t trust yourself to go with your gut reaction. “It was- good.”

Good, you say like you haven’t been feeling half edged from Austin grabbing your chin while on his knees over and over again. Good, you say like you didn’t feel like every person from the 50s and 60s who felt some kind of way watching Elvis gyrate across the stage. 

Austin raises his eyebrows at you as the two of you exit the building, the sunlight temporarily blinding you both. “Just good?”

Your lips curl into a smirk. “Were you expecting a better answer? That it made me so wet you sticking your fingers in me would make a definite noise?” 

Austin forces both of you to stop and removes his arm from your shoulder and moves to stand in front of you. “Not that answer, but you’ve been chasing after my hand every time I took it away, Little Dove. Looking like a good girl wanting to have her daddy force her to look up at him.”

You hate how your height difference forces you to look up at him exactly like how he just described and you hate how you don’t stop his hand from moving under your chin as you do. Much like the weight of his arm against your shoulders, the grip of his hand against your chin feels like it should be there, feels comforting and in the back of your mind, you’re worried, you don’t know Austin well enough yet. You don’t know him well enough yet and- you know what happens when you give things up too fast, when you let yourself go too fast. 

"Maybe if my daddy had done something to me in person his little dove wouldn't be like that." You shrug and realize you called him daddy but you find that you don't mind necessarily. It felt like it was needed in this instance, like maybe Austin needed to hear you say daddy to get your point across. “I wouldn’t want to have daddy’s hands all over me. I wouldn’t have to put myself right in front of him to get his attention. And he still doesn’t get it.”

There’s a moment where Austin’s eyes darken just a hair and his pupils expand a little. It’s then that you know you chose the right path in saying daddy. He tilts his head and his grip tightens just a little. “What happened to not calling me daddy? Or did you lie in that text message? Too fucked out to realize what you were saying?”

Your hand finally wraps around Austin’s wrist and you find yourself tapping once while looking him dead on, not a hint of submission in your eyes. It’s not an answer to his question, it’s merely you telling him to remove his hand. Almost as if he’s been burned he lets it drop to his side and you hum in appreciation before starting to continue your walk to his trailer. "I just saw you fall to your knees in leather in front of me more than ten times in an hour. I'm only human, Butler." 

Austin doesn’t immediately follow you, allowing there to be a small amount of distance between the two of you and you realize it about the time he decides to catch up to you right about the point you get to his trailer. You realize he’s caught up to you when you feel the heat of his body against your own and his breath against your neck and against your ear. “Remember how I told you all you had to do was ask when it came to what you want, Little Dove. You haven’t been. We’ve- talked over text but you haven’t asked me once. I was leaving you be-”

Turning around is a bad idea, you know this, you know you’re going to get caged in but hearing Austin’s whispers lights something within you, makes you mildly furious to the point where you instinctually turn around to defend yourself, spitting like an angry cat. “Leaving me be to what? Crawl after you like some pathetic girl who needs you? Needs your validation? Just because I let you dominate me doesn’t mean I need-”

Austin silences you with a look. A look of intention as he opens his trailer door. A look heated enough that you realize you might have overstepped saying that. He is not your dom, you have not given him consent but that look, that look where his eyes have become as dark as a stormy night has you pausing even though your natural instinct is to be more of a brat. The moment the door is fully open he exhales. “Leaving you be to choose if you wanted to fool around. I just got out of a relationship that lasted almost all of my twenties, I don’t- I don’t need this. The ball is in your court and I wanted to respect it.”

“What?” Your voice sounds softer than you realized it could be and sounds younger than you mean to sound. 

If Austin’s taken aback by how you sound he doesn’t show it and instead his hand moves to brush a bit of your hair out of your face before once again grabbing at your chin, “You can walk away from this right now. I’ll still be your costar, maybe your friend if you like talking to me enough. I don’t- It could be those two times as a fling.”

He is giving you the option to just throw this whatever away, giving you the option to not have to do anything to just have enjoyed him twice and then the two of you could just remain professional. It’s- you don’t sleep with every single one of your costars, but when you do it usually- you’ve always felt like you might not have had as much of a choice as Austin is offering you. You had already made a mess of things, you needed to stick with it. Between père and Austin- this is nice, you should just tell him that yes, you’d like to just ignore this and write it off as fling but you don’t want to. You want to see where this goes, if it ends poorly or if like père you can just- exit stage right so to speak with your dignity intact.

You don't trust yourself to say this. You don't trust your tongue to not trip over what you want to say because having this choice is a heady thing. Instead you close the distance between the two of you, kissing him with all the fervor of a woman dying for even a trace of water in the desert. You feel a growl against your lips or maybe it's in your soul because you swear things are just narrowing to you and Austin the more you kiss him, the more you feel his tongue against your own. Both of you are aware anyone can see you but Austin doesn't seem to care, choosing to somehow use leverage you hadn't quite realized he had to lift you up as your legs move around his waist. His grip on your thighs has you grinding just a little as you pull away, knowing you two cannot do this out in the open and you're right by the trailer.

"Trailer, daddy?" You practically whimper, your voice betraying just how much you want Austin and how- him telling you that you could easily walk away made you feel. 

His lips had moved to your neck in the short time you had separate and you hear a groan as he pulls away to grab at the handle of the trailer, almost throwing it open, not letting go of you as he almost stumbles into the trailer, finding the bed in what you feel is record time and dropping you on it. “Calling me daddy after all that talk about not wanting to. Aren’t you just daddy’s good girl, Little Dove. Get out of the skirt.”

Your lips curl into a bit of a smirk even as your chest heaves a bit at the praise and the order. It doesn’t take you that long to get out of the skirt, making sure to be careful with it lest Catherine get onto you for ruining a costume. You are wearing underwear, a lie that you’re sure Austin is going to note, but you find that you’re not entirely sure you mind all that much. “Daddy seems to be the only way to get you to do what I want, Austin. Still don’t think you’re my daddy. You haven’t-”

Your response is cut off with another kiss as Austin presses his lips against yours, his body pushing you against the bed while his hands move to grip your hips. “I haven’t what, Little Dove? What do I have to do to prove I’m worthy of you calling me that?”

His grip on your hips has you arching your back without meaning to and while he lets you arch just a little he stops you before you have a chance to cause any real friction. You groan in frustration, this was going to be the car all over again. “Not this-” You try and arch again but Austin’s grip forces you to stop. It doesn’t hurt and you’re okay with it despite your frustration. “I’m not going to tell you, that would make it too easy for you. You wouldn’t earn it.”

That might have been the wrong thing to say as Austin uses the grip he has on your hips to allow himself to slide your underwear off, exposing your cunt to a rush of cold air as it tries to clench at nothing. You’ve been wet since the second you saw him in the suit and here he is still in it on top of you pulling your panties down like it’s nothing, you shut your eyes, trying to escape the image for a moment. In your mind you see Elvis doing this to Priscilla and it makes you pause and your eyes shoot open before noticing that it’s Austin- you’re here with Austin and he looks like he’s going to eat you alive. He hums as he finally finishes taking off your underwear, balling it up and tossing it above your head. You think he’s sizing you up and it makes you squirm despite your best efforts to not. “I wouldn’t earn it.” He leans over you, his mouth placing soft kisses up your neck as he removes one hand from your hip to unbutton your shirt. “You’d know all about not earning things, Dove. You want to play at being a brat when all you want is to be someone’s good girl.” He finishes the last button and slides the shirt off enough to expose your chest and your bra. His fingers are gentle, a feather light touch that has your breath catching in your chest as you look at him. 

“You don’t- Austin- don’t.” Don’t tease, not when you’ve been wanting this every time you’ve seen him lately. Not when your daydreams are haunted by the feel of his cock and the feel of his fingers inside you. “Another time.”

He stops his touch on your skin and lets go of your hip. “Later.”

You look at him and frown. “Fuck me. You’ve got an hour, Austin and I’ll- consider it.”

“We’re going to be late.” He says as an answer, placing a series of kisses against your chest, nipping just a tad as he unhooks the bra. He needs to get out of his jumpsuit, he knows this, but he wants to see your chest heave for him, see how he’s affecting you in this suit. Still, he moves just enough for you to get your shirt off and your bra. 

“You’re overdressed.” A pause as you clench your thighs together. “Daddy.” 

The look Austin gives you is downright evil for a moment until he stands up and gets out of the jumpsuit quicker than you’d have thought was possible. The second he’s out of it and it’s folded- a little sloppily- off to the side, he’s against your body, his hand moving to cup your cunt. One of his fingers slides between your folds. “So fucking wet for me, so fucking wet for your daddy.”

You should correct him but he’s touching you and you can’t help the way you keen just a little. It’s embarrassing but his fingers are bigger than yours, feel thicker and you missed feeling them even after that one time. “Austin. Don’t tease, please, just- I want you to fuck me, please.”

“You learned.” He chuckles, removing his finger and pushing your legs apart so he can settle in between them. “You ask and I’ll give you everything you want, Little Dove.” He leans over you to place a gentle kiss on your lips. “Good girl.”

Your toes curl as he enters you slowly as can be. It’s an adjustment but you’re honestly wet enough that it doesn’t hurt, it just feels like a pressure that threatens to overwhelm you. You exhale softly, before you bite your lip, trying to remain quiet as your hands move to his back gripping it and you swear you feel as if you might be drawing blood when you do. Austin isn’t complaining as what sounds like a growl and a groan leaves his lips. You both don’t move for a moment until you speak. “Go on, fuck me Austin. Time’s wasting. Professionals aren’t late.”

That spurs something in Austin, has him thrusting slowly at first, watching your face to see what you’re enjoying as if he’s forgotten since you both had sex in the car. The second your hands move to his hair he speeds up, his body taking your hair pull to mean it’s alright to fuck you harder. Maybe it's the fact that you were already turned on, the fact that you’ve been wanting to feel him again but it almost feels too overwhelming. You’re not- you’re in the moment feeling the stretch of his cock, every vein, every slide of your skin against his. It’s- you don’t know how to describe the feeling to yourself or to Austin. You like to think it’s written on your face from how Austin looks down at you as he thrusts, it’s not with love but it’s not lust it’s something in between, something you can’t put a word to but it’s new. You want to chase it like you’re chasing your orgasm, but you know your orgasm will come quicker than a concrete definition of that look. 

You hear Austin murmuring things against your neck as he kisses a line up to your jaw and your lips and the second he’s close enough you can’t help but bite at his lips, trying to make him make some sort of noise and you’re rewarded with another groan into your mouth. You lose track of the time, your world narrowing to his lips and his cock and his arms- and everything that’s just the two of you and this bed and this trailer. Austin stills for a moment and groans into your neck you feel the warmth of his come before you follow him for what you’re pretty sure is your second orgasm.

“Aus-” You whisper trying to catch your breath. 

“Y/N-” He collapses next to you before flopping onto the bed and pulling you to his chest. “We- We’re gonna lay here and we can go again in a second.”

“We don’t have to- I came twice.” You look up at him, nuzzling at his chest. “Can we just lay here, you’ll need your energy.”

“Okay.” He answers, kissing the top of your head. “We’ve got about 15 minutes. I’ve got some nuts on the vanity.” 

You snort before you have a chance to stop it. “I’m glad you specified the vanity, because I know you have some nuts over here.”

Austin doesn’t speak for a good minute before his body shakes with a full body laugh that shakes you and the bed. “A nut joke.”

You start giggling, running your hand over your face. “A nut joke. Perks of fooling around with me.”

He takes a moment to catch his breath, moving his hand underneath your chin to pull you in for a soft kiss. “Great humor and you’re a brat. I won the lottery, didn’t I?”

You shrug. “I’ve heard I have a pretty good pussy too.”

“Careful, I might need to test that out again. With my pretty good dick.”

You try to respond but are overtaken by your laughter that feeds into his own and you find yourself thinking you could get used to this. This is a big opportunity for you and Austin but that didn’t mean that you both couldn’t enjoy yourselves while you were filming. Besides, what was the harm in being method to a point with Austin. It made sense for the two of you to be together onscreen and off. Filming would only be half a year anyway, nothing too serious. 

If only you had known.

taglist: @mesbouquins, @floralcyanide, @she-is-juniper, @butlerstyles, @elvisstyles i literally lost my taglist for this beyond what i had for last chapter and like one person i can remember offhandedly i think. so ask and i'll tag you for the next part.

[malcolm-reeds-pineapple]

Blorbo From My Shows Wrapped 2023

And rating them on a scale from 1 to 10

Nathan MacKinnon: listen okay he comes around every year around hockey season. This year I’ve gone especially deranged for him and made a fucking top loader for one of my hockey cards of him. He mostly gets points for being Nova Scotian and also looking like he has sustained multiple blows to the head. He is also incredibly fucking shaped. Anyway solid 7/10 - loses points because he’s been stripped of all personality by the NHL in order to be more advertiser-friendly

Vinsmoke Sanji: alright okay I’m a fake fan because I’ve only seen the live action but sweet Christ I want this white man. From the moment this absolute womanizing jackass graced my screen I have been in love with him. He makes me giggle and kick my feet like a middle schooler at a sleepover. He truly is Blorbo From My Shows in the best possible way. 10/10 I think this man is so hot.

John Sheppard: I started watching Atlantis recently and I kind of thought I was gonna hate it because no Daniel and Daniel had been my primary brain rot since I was 9 but John won me over. I love his sense of humour and his relationship with McKay (aaaaaaa Canada Mentioned!!!!) but I also find his insubordination extremely hot like yes babe!!! Disregard your orders to commit intergalactic war crimes!!!! Also I love that we get Sheppard Scruff a lot because believe me that instantly casts a hex on me to lose all thoughts!!!! Foaming at the mouth for him!!! Anyway 8/10 - loses points for being a pilot bc my dad was on the ground crew and my genetic memory is telling me that all pilots are bastards

Tony Markovich (that fucking cop from shameless): listen okay hear me out hear me out……………….. alright I got nothing, I can’t even defend this one. First of all, I’ve only seen the show through tiktok highlights. Second bbg this man is a cop what’s wrong with you??? He mostly gets points for looking like a handsome young man who my mom would love if I brought him home. Like Tony just looks sooooo boyfriend shaped to me?? Like if I brought him home and he told my mom that he volunteers coaching basketball and that he likes to spend his off time cooking with his mom, my mom would literally bawl her eyes out because I’ve brought home the man she’s always envisioned for me. 6/10 - loses points for being a cop and also being too fucking vanilla to even think that his handcuffs could possibly be used for sex.

Ray Stantz: alright so he’s also the type that I would 100% bring home to my mom but unlike Tony, I respect his career. This guy is soooooooooooo husband shaped like he looks like the kind of guy who mows his lawn on a Sunday before the kids wake up so he can teach them how to ride a bike as soon as they finish breakfast. He’s also just so sweet and cuddly in canon and I want him to infodump about all his interests at me. I also like that his so squishy and I just wanna be the one who helps him get the ectoplasm out of his hair while he tells me about poltergeists and stuff. 10/10 - he’s so husband shaped he loses points for NOTHING because he’s EXACTLY the kind of man I want

Daniel Jackson: listen okay we all knew this was coming I don’t even need to say anything. I know this man has not only been living in my head rent free but he also lives in yours because you follow me and you have 0 choice in the matter. I’m not elaborating just go thru #yeet me into the void on my blog and you’ll get it. 15/10 he’s the fucking blueprint.

Jack Ransom: i apparently cannot exist without a white man from Star Trek bouncing around my skull so Ransom makes this list. I love blonde himbos and like the thing is that I know he’d call me a fucking slur but like his superiority complex does something to me idfk I should send this post to my therapist because evidently I need fucking help. 8/10 - loses points for being a cartoon, gains points for his obvious brat taming kink.

Anyway thanks for coming to the annual Blorbo From My Shows Wrapped: a post that if it got forwarded to anyone in my family I’d simply fake my death and disappear. However, my tumblr followers are my priest and this blog is my confessional.

[musicreveiwsbyezti]

What's up babygirls (literally no one reads my blog) here's my March topster

This month was mostly shit I thought it would be interesting to listen... so lot of metal again. Also for the sake of my sanity I have 2 records that I genuinely don't know what the fuck I should do with.

Unrated: Current 93-I have a special plan for this world (Dark Ambient/Poetry): Arguably the best scary stuff I have ever listened but I never want to hear this again as once was perfectly enough. It gives a really disturbing atmosphere and the poetry part itself was interesting too. I highly recommend checking it out at least once. Slipknot-Iowa(Nu metal): I don't get it. The instrumentation is good but the lyrics are so god damned corny that it hurts. It doesn't help that it sounds like death metal for people who don't want to listen to actual death metal. I probably give it another chance later... not now tho I still can't take The Heretic Anthem seriously.

Alright now the actual tierlist begins:

14th: Combat Wounded Veteran-Electric Youth Crew(Powerviolence): I had a small journey and sat down to listen through the entire CWV discography (it's not that long definitely recommend it to get into powerviolence) and this is arguably the "weakest" of their releases. It doesn't really stand out and can be forgotten easily.

13th: CWV-This Is Not an Erect, All-Red Neon Body (Powerviolence/Grindcore): Idk it just doesn't click as well as IKAGWDCSP.

12th: Death-The Sound of Perseverance(Death/Prog Metal):Jesus Christ this album was a major disappointment for me. As a last Death album I expected it to be a last brutal yet technically extreme blast...but they just had to listen to 30 hour acid freeform jazz or some shit to get inspiration. This album has genuine fire songs, but they just had to fuck up the in the middle with a boring ass bass "solo" or someshit... Also the Painkiller cover is the worst song I heard this year so far, how the fuck can you ruin a perfect song when you are already a talented vocalist is beyond me.

11th: CWV-Duck Down for the Torso(Powerviolence/Grindcore): A short and sweet end for CWV's discography. Having it end on a Folded Space song was a great choice which gives an interesting feeling for the end.

10th: Stabbing-Extirpated Mortal Process(Brutal Death/Slam metal): Now this is a good slam metal album.

9th: Sematary-Bloody Angel(Horrorcore/Chicago drill): After Sems last EP I thought it was over... BUT IT ISN'T! It gives vibes of RB2 with RB3 mixing with some HAW mixed in. He can cook just let him do his thing :pray:

8th: Spycada-Hiking Lung(Psychedelic rock): It's good, great vibe, good tones, overall enjoyable. Looking forward to their next stuff.

7th: Magrudergrind-Self title(Grindcore/Powerviolence): THE grindcore album. Absolutely slaps, the sample use is interesting.

6th: Igorrr-Spirituality and Distortion(Avant Guard Metal/Breakcore) This... is Schrödinger's kitchen. I don't know if the kitchen is burned down or has served a 5 star menu, until I care to write an actual criticism of it. (Also the mixing of metal, break core and classical music is insane and the sheer heaviness this album gives is phenomenal, though it falls of gradually on the second half)

5th:Sweet Trip-Velocity : Design : Comfort(IDM/Glitch Pop) At least 200 people already circle jerk around this album, yes it is good, no I don't explain why I love it because I ain't talking about why breathing air is good.

4th:Have a nice life-Deathconsciousness(Post Punk/Shoegaze): Same as last time, people already told you enough why it's good, just fucking listen through it already. (side note some of the songs on this albums mixed weirdly quite for some reason, and it's kinda wack how the drone parts are the best, but still really good)

3th: Dead in the Dirt-The Blind Hole(Grindcore/Powerviolence) Jesus I listen to a lot of powerviolence this month... Anyways this is probably my favourite pw record yet. Probably the more understandable vocals help to lift it just a little bit above the rest for me.

2th:Mastodon-Leviathan(Sludge metal/Prog metal) Fun fact in the 2000's 2 whale concept prog metal albums came out, both of which are peak. I don't know how they got The Moby Dick nailed so well in metal form but they sure did with heavy riffs and amazing vocal performances.

1th: Electric Wizard-Witchcult Today(Stoner/Doom metal): I was afraid to check out the rest of EW discography after Dopethrone cuz it is too peak... However this album is probably as good as Dopethrone. Something about this album gives more OG metal vibes with less insanity.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

More Peacock and Gamble radio updates. Another post where I don't think anyone should read it, I don't think anyone will read it, and that combined with the fact that I'm tired means I can't be bothered to edit (not that I usually do proper editing of this blog, but I'm usually slightly careful and give it a quick glance over, haven't done that here), it's probably unreadable. I really am almost done with them now.

I have two episodes left of the Peacock & Gamble FUBAR Radio show, and Jesus Fucking Christ, did that ever escalate. Or the opposite of escalate. Devolve. It definitely did something. I checked today, the combined length of all the video and audio files in my Peacock & Gamble (plus some solo Peacock stand-up) folder. 196 hours in total. 196 hours worth of files, all nicely labeled and organized into sub-folders – honestly, the admin on this one took ages. 196 hours and I’ve watched or listened to all of it except six, the last two 3-hour radio episodes. I have to get them done.

I’ve been saying that for several days now. Things started really escalating/devolving around episode 14, and since then I’ve said I don’t care what else comes up, I’m not doing anything besides listen to this (except, you know, the things I have to do for a living, and annoyingly my work chose this week to decide I’m going to be 8-6 for three days in a row) until I get to the end and can be free of this madness. Several days ago I got to download ten new stand-up shows by different people, all of which I’m very excited to hear especially with my trip to Edinburgh coming up so soon, but I haven’t listened to any of them yet because there’s a radio show collapsing and I have to know how it ends. Which is a weird motivation to have, since I do know how it ends. Badly, for everyone. They leave the radio station and never speak to each other again (that's a slight exaggeration, and also Ray did go back to the radio station later, I think once a number of things were more stable). I don’t know what kind of ending I’m hoping I’ll get to. But at the moment it’s like reading a book that’s in the middle of its most chaotic and climactic part, I can’t just put it down.

I also stopped writing update posts after every episode as I’d been doing for a while, because 1) I didn’t want to stop listening long enough to do anything else, including write about it, and 2) did I mention that my hours are too long and I need a new job? Things aren’t going well on that front, by the way. It’s fine, I’ve got some audio from 2014 to distract me. Anyway here’s an update on the last few episodes.

They’ve found a new enemy. I've said before that they always do well when they have an enemy. Raji James. Listeners who will be cool about getting abused. Guests whom they either genuinely or pretend to dislike. Horrible controversial talk show hosts on their own network. Grocery store chains. Picking on each other was funnier back when they had less genuine tension between them, and in the 2014 run, they’ve been mainly getting by on finding outlets besides each other where they can direct their combativeness. But they have now, finally, found the final boss of Peacock & Gamble enemies: FUBAR Radio and all its management and production staff.

I think episode 14 was the first one where Ray Peacock was actively trying to get fired. There were a lot of episodes before that when he certainly didn’t seem to mind whether he got fired or not. But also, there wasn’t a lot of danger of that, because this station was clearly going hard on marketing itself as uncensored and controversial, so the more Ray Peacock flouted rules of radio, the more he played into what they wanted, letting them brag about being shocking and dangerous. Which was all right until they started using that angle to promote genuinely dangerous stuff like racist and misogynist talk show hosts, even happening to specifically choose one who had a negative personal history with Ray Peacock, which, shockingly, did not seem to be something he took in stride, when it got thrown at him in the middle of a severe mental health breakdown. Again, it is like someone wrote this as a movie. If I ever found out this whole thing was scripted, I would be incredibly impressed with everyone involved, and believe they all deserved awards. As it is, I’m still very impressed, but for very different reasons, and definitely none of them deserve awards for it.

I know Ray Peacock has said since that he and Ed had decided a while beforehand that they just wouldn’t go back after Edinburgh, that they’d been thinking of leaving for a while, so by June and July of that year, they had to have both stopped factoring in a future at that radio station into their career-based plans. Ray Peacock also mentioned in that episode that he was previewing his Here Comes Trouble show, and it would be a perfect ending if he could close on a story about how he managed to find a way to get fired from uncensored radio. I’ve heard that show – a couple of versions, in fact – and yeah, as absolutely brilliant a show as it ended up being, it would have been even better with an ending like that. Perfectly on theme. Would have wrapped it all up nice. Would have required rejigging the emotional tone a bit, but I’m sure he could have managed.

So I’m pretty sure he was actively looking for loopholes in the term “uncensored”, things you’re not allowed to do even there. Started going out for cigarettes during the show, which he’d done a bit before but had at least tried to be subtle about it. After the escalation, he took a phone call from the listener, immediately said he needs to go for a smoke and then hung up on the guy, and walked out of the room, leaving Ed Gamble there alone, who couldn’t even put a song on because he didn’t know how to work the desk, and who clearly hadn’t been warned that this would happen. You’re definitely not supposed to do that. I’m not a radio expert but I don’t think you’re supposed to do that.

He started slagging off the producers, which had also been there from the beginning but there was a sharp shift when it went from fun banter to much harsher (I don't think he genuinely hated the actual people who were producing the show, they were proxies for other people who mismanaged things, but he did a very convincing impression of someone who hated the actual people in the room). Went from picking fights with the talk show host personally, to (still doing that but also) talking shit about the management as a whole, of the station that would choose to hire that guy. Oh, and at the same time they hired Katie Price on a different show, so he went off about that too.

I do get the impression that this happened across a backdrop of a radio station genuinely in shambles, that he wasn’t making all of that up. Richard Herring and a couple of other respectable comedian presenters had left, they were replaced with people who’d been hired only for shock value. They’ve said since (and made a couple of references to it at the time as well) that they weren’t getting paid on time or at all, either. And it also sounds like there was a bunch of genuine incompetence in how things were run, like guests not being booked properly, though I assume it was actually the fault of higher up people, and Ray was yelling at production staff for effect. I get the impression that the whole thing may have been an early version of that thing that came into fashion around the mid-2010s, of people saying “We don’t need to follow the rules and prioritize people who know what they’re doing, let’s be controversial mavericks!” and then it turns out that there’s actually a reason why other radio stations secure stable funding and ensure basic things like guest booking go smoothly. Obviously this is just my guess based on knowing very little. But there only a few different stories that just play out over and over, and that’s one of them.

In the fourth and final season of The Ray Peacock Podcast, Ray said things had fallen apart at the end because “it happened for real”. In early days of the podcast they made jokes about how Raji James had fucked everything up and his life had fallen apart. By the end of the podcast, he’d been evicted from his house for real, and those jokes felt a lot more immediate. It does feel slightly like a larger-scale version of that happened across the whole 196 hours of Peacock & Gamble that I’ve dug up. In the early Ray Peacock Podcast days, Ray was playing a guy who was always a dangerous wildcard in a social situation, will test the limits of how far fucking with people is allowed to go. But it was all carefully constructed, they’d run it by Raji beforehand, when they sounded at their most out of control was when they were actually hitting cues to make sound effects.

Some years later, Ray Peacock is pulling out some of his old favourite things, but this time messing with listeners who had obviously not been briefed the way Raji James was. There were two or three points where he was making listeners do stuff that was at least as bad as most of the Raji stuff, but without any warning, unless the listeners were very good actors (like I said, if it ever turns out this was all scripted, give them all awards). I mean, obviously the listeners would have called in knowing something like that might happen. But probably not the extent of it, as he seemed to pick his moments at random. Also, there is definitely a sense that Ray Peacock had gone from playing a guy who was a dangerous social wild card to actually being that guy.

There were a couple of points where I found myself wondering, to quote Ed Gamble’s catchphrase of the day… “Is that all right?” Like, for real. Assuming this wasn’t all a brilliantly scripted satire on something or other, Ray Peacock clearly just should not have been on the radio while in that mental state. I’m thinking of the Pierre Novellie material about whether it’s unethical to laugh at a comedian when the reason they’re funny is that they’re just speaking the thoughts of a person with a mental health condition (“It is not illegal to hire a man with severe OCD as a cleaner”). And to be clear, through all of this, Ray Peacock remained incredibly funny. But there were definitely times – a few specific times – when I laughed, and then felt like I maybe shouldn’t be laughing at this. Not even at his really dark jokes about his own suicidal tendencies or things like that – I’m fine with dark jokes, when they’re made by the person affected (instead of at the expensive of that person). I’m thinking of times when he did stuff on air that was funny but also a genuinely bad idea, and was clearly happening because his mental health had deteriorated to the point where impulse control had eroded to nothing – and that isn’t me armchair diagnosing a stranger, it’s the thing he explained in his stand-up show had happened – and laughing at that didn’t feel entirely okay. Even if it was funny. Which it was, every time.

In all of this, there was maybe one instance when he crossed the line, in my mind, into genuinely unlikeable. It was a quite small instance that lasted about two minutes, and that’s pretty good, I think, that I still found him likeable for all but two minutes of those many hours, despite being in the middle of that bad a breakdown. Though I have frequently found other comedians very likeable, when I’ve been told that others find them unlikeable for being too bitter or competitive or combative or whatever else, so other people’s standards may vary. Hell, there are people who thought Ed Gamble was too harshly combative in the Taskmaster era, not realizing that that’s Ed Gamble with the edges sanded off. You should have seen him a few years earlier, he did a lot worse than yell at David Baddiel a bit.

Which brings me to the next topic of this post. I can hardly believe that I spent my posts about the first few episodes of this radio show complaining that Ed Gamble was being too professional, playing the straight man role too much. When Ray Peacock went totally off the rails in later episodes, far from stopping him, Ed Gamble went hard the other way. In fact, there were a couple of times when Ray was off about something and I found myself thinking… “Okay, Ed, this might actually be the time to get in there. I know I wanted you to let him go before, but that’s when he was singing over Muppet songs, not asking listeners to call in with stories about their suicide attempts. Maybe it’s time to play straight man?” But that’s not fair, is it? For me to complain about Ed when he reins Ray in and then to complain when he doesn’t. So I’ll be fair to Ed Gamble and say that, to his credit, from about episode 12 onwards, he was relentlessly on board with anything Ray came up with. I got the impression at some point that Ray had started trying to do things that would make Ed stop him, and Ed didn’t blink. Ray makes an horrifying joke about his intention to commit suicide? Ed says cool, let’s plan your fucking funeral. How dark do you want to go? Ray hangs up on a guest and leaves Ed alone in the studio with no warning? Ed says fine, he’ll call the guest back and abuse him for a bit and then create some chaos with two phone lines at once. He’d spent enough years learning how to do it.

Okay, there was one time when Ray Peacock got angry at the producers because the guest didn’t turn up, so he retaliated by making them come into the studio and have an in-depth discussion about pedophilia, and Ed Gamble hung back a bit and sort of tried to subtly get them off the subject. But even then, he wasn’t forceful about it. He pretty much just let it happen.

And in fact, there were times when Ed seemed to be trying to one-up Ray in this game of who can push things the farthest, which was a futile effort but shows a change in him that he even gave it a shot. There was only one occasion when he succeeded, after all those times of it being the other way around. I guess I won’t get too detailed about what they were doing, but it ended in Ray slowing down and then Ed suddenly took it a step farther, causing Ray to crack up a bit, briefly come out of character, and tell him, “Mate, stop it. You’re on telly. You can lose things, I can’t.” Which was 1) weirdly adorable in a way I can’t explain, and 2) a pretty good summary of the entire situation.

Ed's also started going a lot harder on the sort of "old school, Lee Mack-style quick comebacks or wordplay" thing. It's a skill I didn't really know he had, at least to that extent. I've heard him do it a little bit in more recent stuff, but not nearly as much as that. He was pretty good at it, as Ray started acknowledging on air in the episode just after the one that caused me to point it out in a previous post, and I was pleased to have the confirmation that I was right to think this was a sudden change in Ed, one worth remarking. Ray made some joke about how Ed got one TV show and then immediately started talking like a guy who had a team of Mock the Week quip writers working for him, which I'd guess might be pretty much what happened (not that he actually had writers, obviously, but that the sudden interest in honing the quip-making skill may have come from moving up to be a panel show candidate soon). As the episodes went on, Ed occasionally went overboard with it to the point of being a bit annoying, but it was funny most of the time, I thought.

He's rebelling hard against both the "sidekick" and "straight man" roles. Trying to be the joke maker, bringing the attention back to himself more, when in some previous iterations of their work (ie. the Edinburgh interviews from 2012 and 2013), Ed often faded into the background while Ray took on the guests. And Ed was also trying to be the guy who can go off the rails just as hard as Ray Peacock, which is, as I said, futile. But he gave it a hell of a try.

They had a couple of interesting discussions, during their radio run, about how Ed Gamble is good at doing tour support because he can just keep a night moving along at a decent pace and not pull too much focus, while Ray couldn't do that job because he'll always change a room. I guess a skill like that might be the sort of thing that could win a guy an award for being the best compere. Ray pointed out that he can't be bad at that skill because he also does a lot of compering work, and TV warm-up. But I'm pretty sure they do it very differently. Ed seems very good at moving a show along professionally, and he's also good, at separate times, at being very silly and getting on board with the terrible yet funny ideas. On the other hand, Ray is very good at steering a show while simultaneously appearing to be incredibly unprofessional and out of control. He doesn't appear to know what he's doing, but the show does get steered where it's supposed to go, so clearly Ray is doing something right underneath it all. Except the times when that doesn't happen because he's too far into a genuine breakdown to be in control of anything, secretly or otherwise. And at those times, either Ed steps up and tries to run the show but that throws off the balance because he does it too straight, or he doesn't do that and the show just goes off the rails. I prefer the latter.

Anyway, the point is that I think Ed Gamble did eventually accept being the guy who doesn't change the room when he's in it. I think he must have. Because I know Off Menu is a wildly popular podcast with a lot of deeply obsessed fans, and I know a lot of those fans have dug into everything James Acaster has ever done. But even those fans cannot be doing the same thing with Ed Gamble, because if the younger Off Menu fans had dug up Ed Gamble's back catalogue, they'd have cancelled him by now. Since all this is out there, easy to find. Of those 196 hours in my Peacock & Gamble folder, a few of them are old live shows and podcast extras/behind the scenes stuff, that I got access to on Patreon. But the actual podcast episodes are all right there on Fourble for free, and easy to download. The radio episodes are all archived on the FUBAR site.

There are some things I write about on this blog that I've accessed via varying levels of secret things - sketchy free streaming or download sites that can be found by anyone who knows where to look but shouldn't be talked about too much to avoid getting them in trouble, private discord servers, and personal connections where I get sent files directly (putting it that way makes me sound way more connected than I am - I have exactly one connection of that sort, but it's a really good one, I got incredibly lucky). But I cannot emphasize enough how much I needed to use none of that to find Ed Gamble's back catalogue. It's all there in public. A bit of it is locked in a Patreon account that people can access fully for $2 if they want to (I paid a bit more than that and will keep my subscription for a while, I'm enjoying the content and figure I owe him for all the free entertainment, but someone could access it all for almost no money), but most of it's free. Free and easy to find. Oh, I grabbed a few little extra things off YouTube, too. Also free. Some of the oldest podcast episodes are also on YouTube, in addition to Fourble. And despite that, no one is digging them up these days.

That veered off topic for a bit, but the point is that it was interesting to hear Ed Gamble talk about how he knows he's rarely the most interesting comedian in a room, that's what makes him good at compering and tour support and straight man roles. However, for a while on this 2014 radio show, he seemed to be trying hard to change that, to stand out more (it's tough to be the most interesting comedian in the room when you're next to Ray Peacock - not an easy feat with James Acaster either, actually). I think Ed's given up, since then, on changing that. He's still not the guy who makes fans interested enough in him to dig up everything he's ever done, even though he's doing very popular stuff with a lot of fans right now. But it might be in his interests to keep it that way. That risk might be the sort of thing that could make a guy write a book that covers the history of his life and doesn't mention a massive part of seven years of it.

Back on topic, here's another thing I noticed in the later FUBAR Radio episodes - the guests are a good barometer for how much funnier the show got as it went along. In the first few episodes, I found myself looking forward to when the guest would show up, because the Peacock & Gamble interactions felt a bit stilted, and the guest breathed some life into it. Past episode 10 or so, I tended to forget a guest was coming until they actually turned up, and when they did, it annoyed me a bit, because I'm finding Peacock & Gamble so funny that I just want to hear more of them, without anyone else to dilute their dynamic. With the exception of when Sara Pascoe and John Robins turned up in episode 15, which was a really nice interview that was a welcome break from the entire show collapsing around them. This was actually the second time I heard that interview, as I first heard it earlier in 2024 when I was doing my intensive dive into everything John Robins has ever done (like I said, I've dedicated all of 2024 so far to comedians who've been fired as warm-up acts for Deal or No Deal). I think I said at the time that the interview felt chaotic and unprofessional (in a good way) - obviously because I listened to it while listening to the Elis and John XFM/Radio X catalogue, so I compared it to that. Turns out that when I hear it in the context of other Peacock & Gamble stuff, it sounds like a downright pleasant chat.

I like that Ray Peacock appears to appreciate narrative parallels. He'd spent most of the years since the end of The Ray Peacock Podcast using references to that extremely sparingly (in his podcast and radio stuff, obviously, I don't know what he was doing live, though I know the Peacock & Gamble Edinburgh/tour shows stayed away from it almost entirely). Then, late in the radio run, at what they had to know was the end of the Peacock & Gamble saga, Ray started mentioning Raji James a bunch. They even tried to call him live on air in episode 17, but he didn't answer. There was some material about Raji James in Ray's Edinburgh show that year, so I guess that was on his mind while he was previewing it. But it meant the Peacock & Gamble saga came full circle on a few things, besides just the obvious "this started with Ray Peacock playing a wildly out-of-control combative character, and then he had a breakdown and became that for real".

Starting in episode 15, I think, Ray pulled out the extreme childish voice that he used to use on the Peacock & Gamble podcast, that I hadn't heard in anything from the several years since then. It came out at a point in the episode when he and Ed had both really run out of steam, there was no energy in the room, and Ray suddenly decided to just start yelling like a five-year-old. Ed quickly got on board and followed suit, and I started laughing too hard on the bus again, because fucking hell I forgot how funny that was (weird that I'd forgotten a bit because it hadn't been long for me, since I've speedrun Peacock & Gamble, but still, it feels like 100 years ago that they were doing that). He brought it back out a couple of times in the next couple of episodes. He even threw in a quick "petrol" in one bit, and the words "or drink!" into a separate bit, both major catchphrases from their old podcast. Quick, blink-and-you'll-miss-it references.

There was also a parallel that I assume was unintentional, in that in one of the very first Peacock & Gamble episodes, one of the first really big laughs that podcast got from me was Ray suddenly asking Ed, "Should we just fuck this off?", and explaining how they could get McDonald's instead of recording a podcast and that would be more fun. I immediately thought of that at the point, late in the FUBAR Radio run five years later, when Ray Peacock announced that he'd had enough of all this bullshit and was ready to walk out live on air and never come back. He asked Ed if Ed would go with him if he did that, and Ed actually hesitated for a fraction of a second - after several weeks of admirably managing to get on board without hesitation no matter what Ray threw at him - before saying that yep, he'd walk out right then if Ray did. Ray then started yelling at the producers in the room, asking if anyone wanted to leave with him, and there was a clear understanding that he wasn't joking, he'd been ready to quit for a while and had genuinely decided this could be the moment. It was tense to listen to, so very different from Ray and Ed just sitting in Ray's house and giggling about the idea of blowing off a podcast recording to go to McDonald's. Then a distraction happened and they did not, in fact, walk out. But I have no doubt that he was serious about being close to doing it.

I thought I'd post a clip to illustrate some of it - this happened after Ray had already declared he was ready to walk out of the studio and never come back because of the incompetence/other problems at the radio station. They'd mentioned earlier in the episode that they'd been given trailers for various FUBAR shows and been asked to play them, and Ray decided to pull them out while he was on the phone with a listener who'd called in. She didn't want to hear the Justin Lee Collins trailer, and understandably so (I have listened to nearly all 196 hours of Peacock & Gamble, but the one bit of it I found myself nearly - not quite, but nearly - skipping was their half-hour guest spot on Justin Lee Collins' show, because my God, is that man ever annoying), but then Ray worked out that there was a Peacock & Gamble trailer in there, and... yeah, I don't blame them for wanting to walk out on the spot.

So that's the level of being fucking done with it all that they got to, when there were still three episodes left. Things have seriously devolved. And I have to get to the end. I have to finish the last couple of episodes before I do anything else, so I may be free of this Godforsaken story. Also it's still very funny and I don't want to stop listening to it.

Well this post got long. I need to go to bed. On a lighter note, I've been greatly enjoying the music they play. I've downloaded a few songs that I heard on this show, plus have been listening to Jonathan Coulton again. I didn't need to download his stuff as I already have lots, I was really into him since high school, but I forgot about him for years, and appreciate Ray Peacock reminding me of Coulton's existence. That's been fun.

Here, let's end this post on a positive note. Since writing this has felt weirdly bleak, for a post about an incredibly funny radio show that's been hugely entertaining me all week (the difference is that when you hear it play out on the radio show, it's done by comedians who are constantly interspersing it with comedic bits - if you just describe what happened without doing comedy, it doesn't sound fun). And I've managed to stay mostly on topic for almost this entire post, so why not end it by going off topic and telling you about my high school music taste? I've always found this song genuinely, unironically inspirational (they haven't even played this one on the radio, they've played deeper cuts, and I like his deep cuts, but with Jonathan Coulton, my favourite is the obvious):

[percocet]

Omg would u be willing to give like piano classical music recs? I just love how pianos sound but I don't know much classical music :(

HI. YES. i feel like i've been waiting for this moment all my life.

so first thing to note is that "classical music" as a genre, as the general public thinks about it, covers like. the 1600s to early 1900s. it's like saying mcr and golden era broadway music are the same genre, which drives me up the wall some days but i've also accepted it as like. general public insistence that all music composed before 1910 is somehow stuffy and elitist to listen to. ANYWAY rant aside this is all to say that the sound and style is going to differ a lot!

without further ado, here's my Certified Fresh™ piano recs for beginners <3

the famous composers you should probably listen to

rachmaninoff - piano concerto no. 2 in c minor. evgeny kissin (<333) has like thee recording ever of this (linked). it's the most famous piano concerto in the world. i've been playing this baby since i was 15 and literally every day i learn something new about it. gift that keeps giving!! and if you like this, then i'd also take a gander at the rhapsody on a theme of paganini, which is a whole piano concerto that's like theme and variations on the melody from the most famous paganini violin caprice (no. 24).

chopin - ballade no. 1 in g minor. krystian zimerman (linked) has probably the most solid recording, but i'm rlly partial to yundi li's interpretation! seong-jin cho is also incredibly impressive, i've seen him twice and his work blows me away... all of chopin's music is quintessential piano listening imo; his collection of waltzes, nocturnes, and études especially are foundational learning material! he's my fav composer of all time <3 (side note: arthur rubinstein is known as The chopin performer, but any of the people i listed will do a great job if you're looking on youtube on spotify for a version to listen to)

liszt - transcendental étude no. 12 "chasse-neige". and if you have time then wough ALL of the transcendental études and listen in order. i don't really like liszt but i worship at the feet of daniil trifonov's album i'm so serious. also gotta plug that i saw him perform live too and he is like the second coming of christ to me. my absolute favourite pianist atm.

beethoven - sonata no. 14 "moonlight". while we're in that fob mood! everybody knows the first movement but rarely do people play it well tbh 💀 the second and third movements are also very famous but they seem to fit on the second tier of the classical music iceberg, so i'll rec it anyway. harder to say who my fav beethoven performers are.. he has the most difficult repertoire for a reason! maybe claudio arrau or alfred brendel (linked), daniel barenboim for more modern recordings (and a complete set of sonatas) but he's not The best..

mozart - fantasia in d minor. sigh. so i'm not the biggest mozart fan, admittedly. but he's got an incomparable place in history, so here we are! this is probably one of the more underrated famous pieces (in comparison to like the turkish march or whatever). linked is trifonov again, but i would rec seong-jin cho's mozart album too, it's solid all around.

bach - partita no. 2 in c minor. probably the most dramatic and accessible of his partitas. you have probably heard of the well-tempered clavier at some point in your life, which is his collection of preludes and fugues! those are worth listening to if you're ever in the baroque mood. i'm so serious when i say bach's music is god to me. not the easiest listening, but worth it tbh... anyway. martha argerich (linked) is goated and one of my main inspirations in music. (and if you find yourself liking her, i'd rec her astor piazzolla interpretations like tres minutos con la realidad, great argentinian music by great argentinian musicians!)

stuff that goes so fucking ham i can only describe it as the closest humanity will ever touch divinity

godowsky - passacaglia. based off schubert's unfinished symphony but that's not super important all you need to know is that it's 20 minutes of insanity

liszt - erlkönig. this is like a veritable nightmare, musically. it's based on schubert's erlkönig and it's absolute hell. holy shit. it's so good. yuja wang (linked) is superhuman

bach (transcribed by ferruccio busoni) - partita no 2. in d minor. this partita was composed for the violin but naturally someone had to put it on the piano and make it go harder than it already does. literally a religious experience, ofc evgeny kissin had to do it to 'em

ravel (transcribed by beatrice rana) - la valse. beatrice rana is so goated, holy shit. this waltz is also musically difficult, but she just knocks it out of the park. every time i listen to this i get chills, esp towards the end. definitely worth watching as well as listening to, she's electric with it

liszt - mephisto waltz. did i say i didn't like liszt already? i feel like liszt is overrepresented here. liszt enjoyers come get your food ig. khatia buniatishvili is just crazy impressive, she's just so effortlessly virtuosic and i live in awe of her work.

this got kinda long but i think it's more bc i can't shut up.. anyway! hope you enjoy!! let me know what you think if you listen to any of this!

[themetalvirus]

prime spoilers

its so funny that shadow kept screaming SONIC JUST FUCKING LISTEN TO ME FOR A SECOND into sonic's face and he just KEPT. IGNORING HIM. DUDE LISTEN TO SHADOW HES A FUCKING GHOST STUCK IN THE VOID YOU SHOULD PROBABLY HELP HIM. JESUS CHRIST. i'd punch sonic too after that

i love rusty rose. i love her. i LOVE her. i hope she gets her free will back, she is clearly capable of good (and was turned good in that one episode). get all of the programming OUT of her and just let her make her own decisions, i don't even care if she returns to eggman anyway because it's all she's known for so long, i just need to see her with free will. please. someone help this poor girl

speaking of people who need help, nine :( NINE. nine. NINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hes SO!!!! he needs to experience the magic of friendship and shoot his first friendship rainbow beam so bad. hes so lonely and USED to being lonely that he chose a barren wasteland to call home. that's no way to live, man.

also captain knuckles had a reeeeally concerning turn in that last episode, his Gemstone Guarding Instincts kicked in and he went a little nuts. i want more of that tbh. more nutso knuckles

i was expecting a lot more from prime but this is very very clearly not the end, it's clearly not even the whole of season 1 and is being split up into different release chunks for netflix (like glitch techs is 1 season but was released in two seperate chunks as "seasons 1 and 2"). i personally hoped to see more worlds, but i'm also glad what we DID see was fleshed out. i was expecting a more episodic format in terms of visiting the worlds so i'm happy we get to spend actual time in each of them and get to know the characters and their problems

i'm wondering if sonic erased his original friends out of existence when he shattered the paradox prism (like how green hill doesnt exist anymore) or if they also landed in different worlds. or the void. or something else entirely

speaking of green hill, isn't it super weird that they just... decided all of sonic's world is green hill. i guess it's for budgetary reasons? and to control the scope? but it's super fucking weird right, like, i'm not the only one that thinks that's weird? there are. other places in sonic's world. sonic doesn't live ANYWHERE he just ends up in green hill a lot. maybe it's also for a point of comparison, like how the loop-de-loop is always in the same place? just to have more solid landmarks to see what's different. i just wish they did that with like. multiple areas of the world. instead of multiple landmarks of Just Green Hill

anyway waiting for the next part of this show to drop is gonna be torture. i have some Gripes and Grumbles (WHERE IS BLAZE IN THE PIRATE DIMENSION? WHERE IS SHE!) but nothing is ever perfect and also i love having stuff to gripe and grumble about. rusty rose is my new best friend btw. (also the knuxouge enjoyers are eating well, congratulations to those who that applies to)

theres gonna be so much fanfic about these goddamn places i can tell. especially the fucked up eggman won world. theres so much potential there. i'm hoping (like another person said) that rusty rose's backstory is that she got kidnapped, sonic wasn't there, and she got turned into a fucked up robot thing. because wouldn't that be fucked up. that would fuck this version of sonic up too, he'd feel so upset and guilty that he couldn't help her (and then be determined to help her NOW even if shes evil). i wish they spent more time on rusty and the pirate amy recognizing each other and being freaked out tho. thats also a lot of potential

i also want to see sonic find another version of himself. i don't think that'll happen? because like, he doesn't exist in any of these worlds because he's the god of these gajillion universes. but also i want him to find a fucked up version of himself and go dear god that could have been me. itd be neat i think

in any case i am kissing these writers on the mouth for rusty rose and nine. i am a sonic fan who craves being spoonfed more funny little guys so i can point and go HEY I KNOW THAT GUY but i'm also just really glad that big is part of the crew. hes so good :)

i have more thoughts but also i am eepy and i dont feel like typing anymore. sonic prime flawed and for babies but also good. i'm glad we finally got a proper action cartoon this time, it's wicked cool. i love rusty rose did i mention that yet. i love rusty rose

[the-heaminator]

OKAY SO; Heinrich's mom died when he was young like 8-9, and his dad being a veteran of ww2 with ptsd & some pretty heavy survivors guilt & now a wife who just didn't wake up one morning turned to drinking. So Heinrich has this whole "after my mom died my dad was never sober, not as far as i remember, and yeah he went through a lot but I still resent him for not being there for me".

Heinrich's dad dies when Heinrich is just shy of 18. He has a little melt down, goes "i don't want to be here anymore". And with literally zero plan and two bags of his stuff just leaves. Ends up in the UK, with no job, barely anything to his name, and not sure if he's even going to stay there. (part of him thinks it's not far enough from Germany)

Romulus was a hippy through and through, he was all 'peace and free love ✌️' probably lived in a commune of sorts (just too many people in one house but hey it was home). He had run away from home when he was about 16 because his parents were ✨shitty✨, and was living his own found family trope.

Heinrich finds out finding a job when technically you're not there at all, and also homeless is harder than he thought. So he's on the streets for a solid two weeks until Romulus is walking home from a party and finds him. He tells Heinrich he can come stay with him and his 'family' and Heinrich has a moment of "i could get murdered if I go with him, i could also get murdered sleeping on a park bench" he goes with Romulus. They share a room (did I mention too many people in one house) and it's fine bc they're strictly homies, plus it's just for a few nights until Heinrich finds a job.

a few nights turns into a few months, about a month and a half in Romulus tells Heinrich "Listen, I don't mind you staying, but you should come with us to this march! It'll be fun, and it's for a good cause and I don't think it's much to ask on our part :\" While there some idiot says something, Romulus looks at Heinrich "Can kiss you?" "what?!" "Can I kiss you?" "...sure?" and Romulus kisses Heinrich right on the mouth for the cause of pissing off a homophobe.

a few nights later before bed "you know how you kissed me a few a days ago?" "Yeah, why? Did u like it :p?" "...yeah" "do you want me to kiss you again?" "...yes please" they never officially label their relationship but they sure are kissing a lot.

anyway six to eight months go by, Heinrich still hasn't found a job. And while he's grateful for a roof over his head, and he doesn't mind pitching in with housework, and Romulus sure isn't bad either, he gets tired of waiting around, and he gets real sick of the rest of the housemates.

One night he tells Heinrich they have to have a talk, he enlisted in the military. He was going to be an army mechanic, they get in a whole argument "I want a family Romulus!" "we are your family!" "no! I want a spouse! someone who's just mine, I want kids, I want my own house, I don't want to have to rely on kindness for food that night or money for rent," Romulus gets really quiet, "We're anti military, if you joined the military you can't live here anymore. Leave" Heinrich didn't say he expected anything else. He leaves.

He's going to get his wife, and his kids, and the house and a steady job. Romulus will too eventually, it would take him awhile longer though.

Then fifty years later they're both going to show up for some seniors game night and go "...oh fuck"

but anyway yeah thoughts?

thoughts. THOUGHTS?????

MY BROTHER IN CHRIST I HAVE NO THOUGHTS THIS IS WONDERFUL AND ACTUALLY SO WELL THOUGHT OUT WTFFFFFFFFF.

Imagine seeing the guy you lived with and kissed a couple times in a free love commune in the 80s 50 years later and you once again have the violent urge to kiss him after 50 fucking years even if the last time you saw him you had a massive argument.

And they're both widows, Heinrich at this point has a 7 year old Gilbert and a 3 year old Ludwig and needs help and Romulus is more than happy to provide it but over time they get really close again and Ludwig basically grow up with Romulus as Grandpa number 2 and so much of Gilbert's formative experiences with affection between adults comes from Heinrich and Romulus being fucking Weirdly Cuddly. Which is why later on he can't tell the difference between having a crush on Alfred and just being good friends.

But also imagine present day Gilbert going, hey, how did you two even meet?

Heinecih evades the question and Romulus flatly goes hippy free love commune. And blows Gilbert's mind.

"Opa, you weRE A HIPPY?

"NO, NO, I just needed a place to stay."

[ollieofthebeholder]

to find promise of peace (and the solace of rest): a TMA fanfic

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] || Also on AO3

Chapter 11: July 2016

[CLICK]

ARCHIVIST

Right. There we go. Martin, what do you see?

MARTIN

W-what?

ARCHIVIST

I can’t really stand up yet. I need you to describe what’s going on. For the record.

MARTIN

Oh. Right. Yeah. Um, Sasha tackled Tim and there was a bit of a struggle, but she made it out of the Archives. That was about five minutes ago, and…she’s probably gone to get help. I don’t know for sure, but, well, it’s Sasha. She wouldn’t just abandon us.

ARCHIVIST

Did it look like any of the worms…got her before she left?

MARTIN

No, I don’t think so. Tim neither, I think. It’s a bit hard to tell, what with—it was a lot out there, but I think they both got out without a mark on them. [mumbling] Or a new one, anyway.

ARCHIVIST

Tim. What happened to Tim?

MARTIN

They got split up and he ran to your office. That was where they came in, you said you’d made a hole, so…Christ, I hope he’s careful in there. Jane Prentiss didn’t follow him, and, and the worms should be coming towards her, so as long as he doesn’t…maybe he found the spare CO2.

ARCHIVIST

Spare? What? Where? I never saw any.

MARTIN

I hid a couple in the old casefile boxes.

ARCHIVIST

What, why?

MARTIN

So they’d be handy? I’ve been stashing them pretty much everywhere I can think of. There’s only the one in here, though, since the room is sealed, so…

ARCHIVIST

No, I mean, why hide them?

MARTIN

So the worms wouldn’t find them.

Look, I know it sounds stupid.

ARCHIVIST

Yes. Yes, it is. They’re just…they’re just unclassified parasites. They don’t have consciousness, they can’t plan, they’re just an unthinking infection.

MARTIN

[Sounding tired] Whatever helps you sleep at night, Jon.

ARCHIVIST

[Audibly bristling] And just what is that supposed to mean?

MARTIN

You can’t possibly actually be this big of a skeptic. Nobody can work for the Magnus Institute and not have some idea of what’s going on—and I know you’ve never doubted when it comes to Prentiss, or to Leitners, you always treat those statements with a lot more…I dunno, respect. But when it comes to anything else, I’ve listened to you recording and you just dismiss them. You tear them to pieces like they’re wasting your time, but half of your “rational” explanations are more far-fetched than just admitting that there’s a ghost or something. It’s one thing to want evidence before you confirm something is legitimate, but there comes a point when you’ve got to just…accept that you believe. For crying out loud, you thought I was a ghost, and your only evidence for that was Tim.

ARCHIVIST

Of course I believe. Of course I do. Have you ever taken a look at the stuff we have in Artifact Storage? That’s enough to convince anyone. But, but even before that…why do you think I started working here? It’s not exactly glamorous. I have…I’ve always believed in the supernatural. Within reason, I mean. I still think most of the statements down here aren’t real. Of the hundreds I’ve recorded, we’ve had maybe…thirty, forty that are…that go on tape. Those I believe, at least for the most part.

MARTIN

Then why don’t you—

ARCHIVIST

Because I’m scared, Martin! Because when I record those statements, it feels…it feels like I’m being watched. I…I lose myself a bit. And then when I come back, it’s like…if I admit that there’s any truth to them, whatever’s watching will…know somehow. The skepticism, feigning ignorance. It just felt safer somehow.

MARTIN

…

It’s a good strategy, I’ll grant you that. Worked for Joshua Gillespie, I guess. For a little while, anyway. Don’t think he’s the only one, either.

But it won’t work forever. Ignorance only keeps you safe for so long, but the minute you start accepting that any of it’s true, the only safe way is to accept that all of it is true. Pretending not to believe is just going to get you killed, because it means you’ll miss something until it’s staring you in the face, and by then it’s too late.

ARCHIVIST

…I suppose you’re right.

Still, it’s not my fault we’re about to get eaten by worms. Speaking of, can you see anything?

MARTIN

Not much. They’re just…there.

ARCHIVIST

How many?

MARTIN

Too many. And they’re coming up through the floorboards still. I didn’t think they could fit through.

ARCHIVIST

Prentiss?

MARTIN

No, I can’t…[frustrated noises] Hold on. This glass…

[DEEP BREATH, FOLLOWED BY A FAINT HISS OF STATIC]

She’s over by the shelves. Or at least there’s a lot of…there’s something person-sized over there.

ARCHIVIST

[Dry but slightly shaky] You might be able to see better with your glasses on.

MARTIN

Yeah, you’d think, but it’s easier to pinpoint without them. Christ, that’s a lot.

ARCHIVIST

A lot of what? Worms?

MARTIN

Yeah, basically.

Yeah, it’s Prentiss all right.

ARCHIVIST

What’s she doing?

MARTIN

Not sure. She’s messing with the boxes. She’s just picked one up and—aah!

ARCHIVIST

What?

MARTIN

She’s…she’s destroying them. Sort of.

ARCHIVIST

Sort of?

MARTIN

N-no, more like…Corrupting them. I’m not sure what that stuff is coming out of her mouth, but I think we should probably burn them.

ARCHIVIST

Right.

Right.

MARTIN

…

I’ll teach you the way we used to burn Leitners.

If you want.

ARCHIVIST

We?

MARTIN

Me and Gerry and Neens. The three of us.

[FAINT CREAKING NOISE AS MARTIN SITS ON THE COT NEXT TO JON]

I lied, Jon. Or, well…not lied, not about most things, but I haven’t told you everything. The only thing I really lied about was my CV. I don’t have a master’s in parapsychology. I don’t even have a degree. I was seventeen, my mum was having…problems, and my stepfather was starting to get forgetful. It wasn’t too bad then, not so bad he couldn’t function or take care of Mum, but it caused issues for him at work and he lost his job. I had to drop out of school to support us all, but nobody was hiring without qualifications and when I offered to take over Mum’s job at Pinhole Books Aunt Mary said I wouldn’t be needed, thank you very much. I started making things up. My lie about parapsychology got me in the door here at the Institute, and I know why Elias hired me after that, but…honestly, most of my employment details are made up. I won’t even be twenty-nine until next month.

The reason I know so much about Leitners isn’t because of a degree or a thesis or anything. It’s…that was literally most of my childhood. Mum and Mary Keay were—I don’t know if you’d call them friends, but they worked together, and not just at the bookshop. If they’d actually been witches, they’d probably have been a coven. A lot of what they did was tracking down Leitners. Books of power, you know? And the three of us got recruited to help.

ARCHIVIST

That’s why you’re here? In the Archives, I mean. I—truth be told, it’s been bothering me for a while. You’ve been living down here for four months, under the constant threat of…this. Sleeping with a corkscrew and a fire extinguisher. You must know that’s not normal for an archiving job. That’s why you stay?

MARTIN

Partly. Partly because I realized you didn’t know what was going on, not like I did, and I thought…I just thought if I stuck around, maybe I could keep you safe. You and Tim and Sasha. [bitter laugh] You can see how well that worked out.

ARCHIVIST

We’re alive, aren’t we?

MARTIN

For now.

Mostly, though, I haven’t left because…I don’t think I can. While I was still…you know, upstairs…I think I could have walked away, no harm done. Once I came down here…well, I think we’re all caught now.

ARCHIVIST

Yes.

Yes, I—I see what you mean. I think.

MARTIN

[Softly] I wish you did.

[CLICK]

———

[CLICK]

SASHA

[Breathing heavily] Oh, God, that’s so much.

Okay, Jon. I know you’ll want to know what’s been happening. If you’re alive after this. There are worms on the upper floors. Not so many as down in the Archives, but enough.

I set off the fire alarm, so everyone’s evacuated but me and Elias. I haven’t seen any sign of the fire brigade, but I haven’t been near a window in a while. There was…a wave of worms, I guess, and I got separated from Elias. We were on our way to set off the fire suppressant system manually. I hope he made it, but who knows. Maybe everyone’s dead already.

I’ve had to retreat into Artifact Storage. That should tell you something about how bad it is out there.

God, I hate this place.

Did I ever tell you I joined the Institute as a practical researcher? I had to analyze and investigate all the stuff in here. Take notes after sleeping in the rusted chair, write in the memory book, that sort of thing. I transferred after three months. Would have quit, but I couldn’t afford to back then.

Never understood why we keep all this stuff secret. I mean, we’ve got enough here to send any skeptic packing, but it’s just locked away. I—I asked Elias about it once, but he just mumbled something about funding and mission statements. He’s good at changing the subject, isn’t he?

Sorry, I’m rambling. No worms, though, that’s—

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE

Get back!

SASHA

What—who’s there? Who are you?

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE

Just—shit. Get out of here!

SASHA

Look, you shouldn’t—

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE

[Agonized and desperate] Listen to me. If you take one more step forward, if you look at that, you will die. Get out of here.

SASHA

Are you threatening me?

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE

Damn it, I’m trying to save you! I don’t know who you are, but you don’t—[gasps in pain]

SASHA

Are you hurt? Shit, the worms—come on, let me—

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE

[Panicked] No, no, don’t touch me! Not yet! Just—

SASHA

Wait, that’s—is there someone else in here?

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE

Oh, fuck.

[SASHA SCREAMS, THE MYSTERIOUS FIGURE YELLS, A DOOR SLAMS]

SASHA

What was that?

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE

Don’t know. That’s never been my—

[MYSTERIOUS FIGURE DROPS TO ONE KNEE, MAKING STRANGLED NOISES OF AGONY]

SASHA

Are you okay? Have you—have you been bitten?

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE

[Strained] No—no, it’s—give me a second. It’ll pass.

[DELIBERATELY FORCED BREATHING THAT SLOWLY EVENS OUT]

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE

Right, okay. Get out of here. If you know a way out that isn’t that way, I suggest you take it.

SASHA

Look, I don’t know who you are, but I’m not leaving you behind. Besides, I don’t know if my friends are okay. We’ve got to stop those worms.

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE

[Dryly] I’m open to suggestions. I suppose setting the whole place on fire is out of the question.

SASHA

No! Not with—the CO2 is going to be bad enough, but they can survive that. Maybe.

We’ve just got to trigger the system. There should be a manual override. Elias was going to set it off, but we got separated, I don’t know if he managed it.

MYSTERIOUS FIGURE

Lead the way.

[CLICK]

[eleanorblue]

We saw Kinky Boots last week, and friends, never in my life have I cried that hard during a musical.

Spoilers for Kinky Boots, Derry Girls, Stranger Things, and, uh, Pokémon Violet?

We bought the tickets like three months ago, and then three days before the show I suddenly thought “Hm, isn’t there a part where Lola sings to her dying estranged father?“

I looked it up, and there is in fact that part! Not only that, Charlie’s dad dies in like the first five minutes and one of the themes of the musical is Charlie filling his dad’s shoes (lol) and trying to make him proud/do what he wants with his life/be like him/not be like him.

“Gee,” I thought. “Better warn my brother. That might bring up some stuff.” But the tickets were expensive, particularly for a regional theatre, so off we went anyway.

So we got through most of the musical, and I was enjoying it (great show!), and I was a little on edge due to all the Dad™️ stuff but it was okay, and I knew we were coming to the Hard Part…and then LAUREN came out and started talking about how she felt when her dad died, and all I could think was “Jesus Christ, is everyone’s dad in this show dead??” That’s about when I started crying.

Right after that seen is Lola’s song to her estranged dad. If you don’t know it, it’s called “Hold Me In Your Heart” and it’s essentially about loving a difficult parent despite their flaws and needing them to love you too. I’d look it up. It’s worth a listen.

So Lola sang her song, and I actually full-out cried through it (I tried to be quiet, but I’m sure the people behind me noticed and goodness knows what they thought was wrong with me). Then a light came up on her dad sitting in a wheelchair, pretty zoned out. Lola walked over to him, says “It was good to see you, Daddy,” and put her hand on his shoulder. He didn’t say anything, didn’t really react, but then his hand came up to cover hers.

Lola visibly choked up, said “I love you,” and then left.

My brother and I didn’t, like, perform a drag show for our dying estranged dad. But, uh, the non-responsiveness? The hand coming up? THAT WAS KINDA LIKE WATCHING OUR GOODBYE WITH OUR DAD ONSTAGE.

So I was pretty much gone, and couldn’t really enjoy the finale.

My brother was…okay. He handled it better than I did, and he squeezed my hand throughout the entire scene. We react to different things.

The show was fantastic, by the way. Excellent cast. Lauren was amazing. I wish I had a recording of her song. It just so happened to be deeply personally triggering for me!

I feel like media is full of dead dads lately. I watched Season 3 of Derry Girls? SURPRISE, A DAD DIES! I played Pokémon Violet, a children’s game? SURPRISE, THE ESTRANGED DAD IS ACTUALLY DEAD! I got caught up on Seasons 3 and 4 of Stranger Things? SURPRISE HOPPER IS DEAD* AND OH LOOK ELEVEN FOUND A LETTER HE WROTE FOR HER BEFORE HE DIED! I went to see Kinky Boots! SURPRISE, EVERYONE’S DAD IS DEAD OR DYING!

Or maybe it’s just the frequency illusion. I think about dead dads (well, really one specific dead dad) a lot, I notice dead dads more.

There’s not really a point to this wall of text. Kinky Boots is a great show. Grief is weird. I should maybe avoid musicals with estranged-dead-dad-goodbye scenes.

Which is too bad, as I’d really like to see Fun Home.

*yes I know he's not dead that's not the point

[pathos-p]

"Weirdly Specific Artist Ask Game" but i got tagged in it so i am gonna answer all of them 'cause theyre fun

questions by @/i-like-eyes

thanks for the tag @king-chook!! ^^

1. Art programs you have but don't use

i thiiink i have a license for clip studio paint that came with my old wacom tablet but i never rly used it. also used to have krita installed for the longest time but just always felt off to me idk why. don't currently have it installed anymore tho

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

to their right is a bit easier i think. not smth i consciously notice, mostly i'm just thinking abt when im doodling on the margins of stuff they usually are looking to the left of the page

3. What ideas come from when you were little

uhhh idk tbh, i dont think much of my art draws from that

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

cityscapes !!! i love cities they r so pretty and cool looking but goddamn theyre so hard to draw

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

80-20? i post everything that i finish. basically the only stuff that doesnt get posted is sketches i give up on

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)

hmmmm not that i can think of rn...

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

watercolour !! i've tried it a few times and Struggled but i love seeing ppl's work in it

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

so many animatics ..................... also many comic ideas ..................... i get so many ideas that i just never start on or start and only do a little before losing the hyperfocus/fixation and just Cannot continue them. it sucks

9. What are your file name conventions

usually the character name, maybe a bit of description of what theyre doing... idk not much of a convention to it

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

hmm i like jackets :)

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

yes, usually music. sometimes random youtube videos like stream highlights or video essays.

12. Easiest part of body to draw

uhhh hair? maybe idk. hard question bc it varied a lot depending on what kinda style and just. sometimes smth is hard in a particular drawing then easy later idk

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing

i cant think of anything i will edit it in if i think of anyone

14. Any favorite motifs

in my drawings i dont feel like i use any much. mostly i pull motifs from whatever im doing fanart of lol. in music, i like religious motifs (but not like. ones abt christ or bible stories, rather heaven, hell, god/divinity, angels)

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth)

at home pretty much exclusively. in bed lol

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing

idk i feel like the stuff im better at is the stuff i like bc i practice it more for fun lol

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what

not usually

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken

surprisingly little. mostly bc i do more digital art lol

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

weapons and nature. especially ice for nature

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

i cant think of anything ill add it if i do

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways

i love rougher styles, like ones with a lot of visible brushstrokes and bold lines and shit. so cool. idk how to make it look good lol i dont have the confidence in my lines for it

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any

none... probably i should change that

23. Do you use different layer modes

yeah, often i use a multiple layer for shading then a variety to colour adjust at the end

24. Do your references include stock images

sometimes

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by

cant think of any

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

there was this poem i wrote about capitalism and how shit it is and someone thought it was abt interpersonal relationships/smth along the lines of a breakup. i rly didnt mind it tho i thought it was cool bc the emotion was not far off, the sense of betrayal and abandonment. just a very very different subject

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with

no lol

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

i ran a zine (digital only) for the dimension 20 zine jam! and also made art+writing for others in that :D also was part of a polygon yt fanzine a while back

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

spider-man (not the MCU, mostly tasm and a few of the comics)

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

IS IT BAD TO SAY A PIECE THAT GOT QUITE A BIT OF POSITIVE ATTENTION ?? maybe

i rly like the cj comic i did i am genuinely so goddamn happy with the result so . even tho it did very well by the standards for the fandom its for and my current follower base it is underrated

alternatively this one https://www.tumblr.com/pathos-p/704380503765221377/tridential-sovereignty?source=share bc it didnt get all that much attention on any social media site but i think its cool !!

(mostly only using recent ones bc i dont wanna dig back further esp onto my old twt acct, too much work lol)