#anyway i think this au is just self indulgent for me and my imagery but like. fanart. hit the post button

[sodademon]

hey there you are! as radiant as ever!

[total-drama-brainrot]

i love yr art and all the td ramblings im not even an alenoah shipper (not that i hate it or anything js not my top one) but like thank you for introducing me to so many wonderful artists through reblogs and such 🐺👍🏽 i love the rice krispies fic also You have a really unique writing style i dont see much and i love the personal touch of humor scattered throughout its a really enjoyable read and you understand the characters so well 10/10 soerry i just really appreciate the ramblings and diff au's and introspective and such Have a good day _(:3」z)_

I'm surprised people are enjoying my art so much, since the majority of the stuff I've posted is poor, sketchy imitations of the show's art style, but thank you anyway!

There's tonnes of talented artists and writers in this fandom, I'm so happy that I've been able to boost their content to a new audience through my silly little blog!!

As for my writing style, I've found that a lot of it's uniqueness comes from the very imagery-heavy narrative; there's always a simile, metaphor or otherwise some sort of 'poetic comparison' scattered about in my writing to help add depth to the scene (that, and a gross overuse of adverbs to describe literally every action someone takes). I enjoy writing in limited third person because I like getting a feel for the character who's perspective I'm writing from, personality wise. Which is why it's always so relieving to hear that people think my characterisations are good/accurate!

I also really like using limited third person because I could write paragraphs telling my audience that the antagonist is a bad person, sure, but I enjoy showing people my character's temperaments using their POVs- like Alejandro's perspective scenes in the RK fic, I don't outright say "oh, hey, by the way Alejandro is an awful person" but it's pretty apparent anyway.

...The humour stuff is just me being self-indulgent, and a symptom of my inability to take anything serious ever. But I'm super glad that people are also finding it funny!

Then again, most of this blog is just me being self-indulgent. Either through introspectives/analysis on things that Aren't That Deep, or by publicly snowballing AU ideas with others, or by doodling silly things that make me laugh.

The fact that people are enjoying watching my crazed ramblings is a bonus!

I hope you have a good day too! 😁

[socially-awkward-skeleton]

ooooooh can i get director's commentary on animal in me? (and if you wouldn't mind talking a little bit about ch4 specifically? I really liked that chapter because it really enforced the sheer gravity of what's going on in hope county, and I'd really like to hear your thoughts behind writing that chapter :)c)

I figured you meant "Howling at the Moon" when you said Ch. 4 ;) I'm so glad you really liked that one

So "Animal in Me" is of course the FC5 werewolf au that was always bound to happen. Werewolves are my favourite horror creature and of course there is a giant mountain man who is obsessed with wolves in game (I am a simple woman, when I see the low hanging fruit, I pick it) Anyways, this is my self-indulgent fic to the extreme including many of the time honored tropes of some of my fave werewolf movies, plus things that just make me genuinely happy to write and read (plus also playing with the ideas of A/B/O which I have never written before so fun experiment for me).

Generally when it comes to writing, I am a pantser and it was only in the process of editing that chapter that I realized I'd forgotten to add any plot threads about Dutch and Eli after having just introduced them a chapter previously (I was getting very sucked into my OT3 lol) and so adding in the pack being hunted and the mutation with silver bullets was an idea that sprung to mind in the shower that just needed to be written.

I have never been fond of silver bullets meaning instant death for werewolves, I think it’s an easy way of ending a story and I like the body horror imagery of being stuck between human and animal so I added in the silver having a mutating effect for the wolves in this case. I also didn’t want Jacob and the Seeds to be the only problem. It was one that I could resolve by having Kit join up with Dutch and Eli and to me that just felt like retelling the game story but with added supernatural elements, I wanted to change things up enough that it really was an AU. I also like the idea of having multiple antagonizing forces coming at Kit from all sides and this was an interesting way, at least for me, to do that.  I think the game did such a good job of making the Seeds sympathetic while still being monsters and I wanted to flavor both sides in that same way for this story. Yes, turning people and having them join your werewolf religion isn’t very nice, but neither is going out and hunting them for sport, which is the big reason why I chose to have a mother and son be the ones to show the effects of the hunters weapons on the wolves. There are always innocents on both sides of the war and of course it will have a big effect on plot points further down the line for Kit.

Kit becoming a werewolf and having two opposing sides to her was always going to be the end game, but I wanted to give her the added threat of someone thinking they are being righteous and good while gunning for her and the men she's fallen for.

[jisungscaramel]

voices | changbin

❀ genre; smut, college au, fwb ❀ pairing; changbin x reader (fem) ❀ word count; 1.6k

[warning] explicit sexual content, dirty talk, masturabation, (slight) ownership kink, (mild) dom changbin, phone sex, (which includes imagery of) oral (fem receiving), bondage, spanking, unprotected sex (stay safe y’all), overstimulation, creampie

Your eyes open to darkness, and you groan in utter annoyance - you just hate when this happens. You don’t even wanna know what time it is... but you check anyway, 2:20... am - not the worst. At least you have the opportunity to get some sleep, the slightest chance of closing your eyes to immerse in some obscure dream and certainly not the type of wet fantasy that dared to disturb your beauty rest in the first place.

The universe just loves fucking with the sleep schedule you work hard to keep regulated. But the not-so-random interruption to your slumber in it of itself is the least of your problems; the not-so-subtle throb of your clit is beyond irritating, especially since a certain someone isn’t physically there to help you with it.

Your adjusted vision wraps around the silhouette of the ceiling fan, sharpening in detail as you attempt to scrutinize it, five curved blades, metal brackets reflecting the moonlight, a simple ligh- not that a mundane distraction such as this would do anything to help, valiant effort though.

And then you turn your head to the side, fixing on the space where your phone should be laying on the bed side table.

“Should I call him...?” you ask yourself. You grab the device and go straight to the phone app, aggressively scrolling through your contacts ‘til you see his name: Changbin Seo.

Nothing fancy, nothing personal, it’s a deliberate choice to keep it that way, to stay firmly behind his boundaries, well, the boundaries you’ve assumed of him. In reality, he probably wouldn’t have an issue with you contacting him on a whim - even at this ungodly hour, but the idea still makes you nervous. That’s the prevailing predicament of a friend with benefits - sometimes there are too many boundaries and sometimes there are too few.

‘What if he gets annoyed with me? What if he stops talking to me? What if he thinks I’m crazy?’ The more time you spend in your own head, the more the shadow of your past experiences so rudely loom over you.

‘No, Changbin’s not like that. He’s not like that. He’s not like that. He’s not fucking like that.

‘At the worst, he won’t pick up ‘cause he’s asleep. That’s it. That’s all. Relax.’

Regardless, things would be much easier if he didn’t have to go across the state to be home for winter break.

And instead of making that single tap on the glass of your phone, you put it back down, placing it face down, reaching to open the drawer that lays beneath it. You pull out a little drawstring bag. In the darkness, you open it, unsheathing a silicone vibrator, light pink in the light, but rendered colorless in front of your eyes.

‘I should at least try by myself.’

Committing to your decision, you drown your ears in some dvsn - you gotta do what you can to self engage your senses. But you’d much rather hear his voice, much rather feel it vibrate against your skin, reverberate through your nerves. There’s just something about the way he growls when he goes deep, overwhelming the auricles of your ears in a crescendoing frenzy you can’t even fathom outside the moment, even if you try.

Your eyes close when you turn it on, trying your hardest to picture him in your mind’s eye.

The way he tilts his head back to stare at you, eyes half-lidded in the kind of carnal hunger, it makes you wonder what he’ll do next, body sizzling in desire, like it’s on fire. 

And then, there’s the way he lightly tugs at the corner of his bottom lip, tongue brushing over the reddened skin in a teasing lick, you just want them to dip into your slick, to indulge your clit with quick flicks. He loves to look up at you with a tinge of innocence that so eerily contrasts with the vulgarity of his actions, lips smirking against your heat ‘cause he knows exactly what he’s doing, and he knows exactly how to drive you crazy in the best possible way-

“Fuck!”

Even if your imagination is enough to get you there, it’s not enough to satisfy you; it feels like trying to fulfill a day’s worth of hunger with a measly cup of instant ramen when you know damn well you deserve a three course meal.

You haphazardly throw the toy to the side - you’ll clean it in the morning; it’s just too much effort now.

And here you are again, staring at the dark silhouette of your phone. At this point, the amount of fucks you have to give are rapidly dwindling.

And here you are again, phone shining bright in over your face, Changbin’s name and number apparent on the screen. But before you can actually contemplate the idea that you’ve begun to dub a “last resort,” your phone slips out of your hand, knocking you right on the nose, hitting - you guessed it - his number.

And… now you’re calling him. Of course the universe thinks it’s hilarious to mess with you - when does it not?

“Hello?” There’s a clear groggy sleepiness to his voice - clearly, you’ve woken him up.

Fuck. “Oh sorry, Binnie, did I wake you up?” 

“Hmm yeah,” he pauses, probably to rub his eyes, “what’s up?” As sexy as his gruff voice is, it’s the last thing you can think about, subtle embarrassment delicately wrapping your nerves.

“My bad… you know what? It’s nothing. I’ll let you sleep.”

“No, it’s okay, tell me what’s up,” he requests again.

“It’s nothing, I just…”

“Just what?”

“I miss you…”

“...Miss me where?”

“In…” you tighten your thighs together, “places where I shouldn’t.”

“Oh yeah?” You can hear rustling sheets, as if he’s sitting up, as if his attention’s focusing on you. “What would you want me to do if I was there?”

You bite your lip. “You already know.”

“Tell me.” His voice takes a commanding tone, attempting to bend you into submission even through the phone.

Your fingers trace the skin above your underwear. “God, Changbin, I want you to fucking cripple me.”

It’s simply astonishing as to how clearly his sinister chuckle comes through your line, and it’s all it takes for your hand to slip under the thin cotton covering you. “Damn, chula, I didn’t know you wanted me that bad…” a moan slips from your lips both in response to your actions and his words. “Are you touching yourself?”

“Yeah,” your flustered response sounds in the same pitch.

“Naughty girl. I’m gonna have to punish you next time I see you.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“First, I’m gonna tear your clothes off,” you peel the flimsy sleep shirt off your body, not being able to take the increasing heat radiating from your skin, “and then I’m gonna tie your arms up and bend you over my desk to spank you - one slap for every time you’ve touched yourself while I’ve been gone.”

“Where are you gonna spank me?” A sultry tone edges your words.

“On your ass… your thighs… your pussy, depends on how bad you’ve been.”

“What are you gonna do if I earn my reward?” By now, you’re reaching for the vibrator you so carelessly tossed aside not too long ago.

“I’m gonna throw you on my bed, then I’m gonna force your thighs apart and stretch out your soaking little cunt. I’ll fuck you so deep, you’ll feel me rearranging your insides,” he grunts, “Fuck, I’m so hard just thinking about it.”

“Would you let me cum?”

That evil laugh is back, prolonged in the most tantalizing of ways. “Yeah, but not just once. It’s gonna attack you back to back, until your legs go numb.”

You shudder, eyes rolling back. “What if your roommate tries to interrupt us?”

“I’m gonna fuck you harder to mark my territory.”

“Am I your territory?”

He snickers. “You know that pussy’s mine. All. Mine.”

All you can offer as a response is an array of mewls, your walls desperately tightening against the inanimate object inside you.

“God, you sound so sexy when you moan, you know that?” He grunts, and for a few seconds, no words are exchanged. The only thing you can hear is the rapid rustling of fabric, presumably around his hand movements, and the subtle hisses seeping from his lips.

“Are you naked?” he asks.

“Yeah…”

“Show me.”

You lower your phone to capture the sin you’re committing between your legs with a clear view of your bare body neck down, promptly sending the image to him.

And it’s obvious when he receives it because you hear that low, guttural growl you’re oh so familiar with. “You’re so hot.” His voice is strained. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum… are you close?”

“Yeah… I wish you could cum inside me.”

“I do too. Fuck, you look so gorgeous when your pussy’s swollen, dripping with my cum.”

His voice drops an octave, catalyzing the long overdue release that has been coiling inside you. His name rolls off your tongue in an unexpected increase in volume. The hypothetical fantasy momentarily becomes reality in your mind, simulations inducing tangible pleasure inundating you in waves that you didn’t know were possible in a setting like this; why on earth did you let the frustration marinate for this long?

“Fuck,” he curses.

“What?”

“...I made a mess.”

Your phone vibrates with a message from him - it’s a video... and you have the slightest inkling of what it is.

[lorebird]

For There's Something Under Boatem, do you think things from previous seasons could carry over in some form? I may or may not be thinking abt the mycelium resistance again and trying to put it into every au I can think of

Also the Boatem creature spreading a trail of mycelium under it or with patches of fungus on it could look cool

I HAVE NO CLUE WHEN I GOT THIS IM SORRY

BUT ANYWAYS . OH MY GOD. YOUR BRAIN IS MASSIVE AND IM LOSING MY MIND this is so good I'm coming up with a narrative excuse for this asap

If the void itself is an entity, with the beast being just one physical manifestation of it, that leaves me w a ton of open doors (considering how all the stars in the void are other worlds which is 100% true btw I'm commanding as such ��️). Could anything that's fallen into the void in any world be amassed into the boatem beast??? I don't see why not <3

I wouldn't consider this idea """canon""" to the au, which I'm saying very loosely bc there isn't a strict canon at all -- almost every separate artwork I've done is in its own isolated bubble of ideas that conflict w other artworks. Like the whole Watcher Remembering idea vs that comic where mumbo comments on the beast having tons of eyes. All this to say I'm using this as an excuse to throw in whatever the hell I want from any previous season and possibly other series as well........... this au is pure self indulgence I have no shame! Also I think it'd be Very Fun to call this sorta sub-au "there's mushrooms under boatem" /hj

Ideas under a cut bc oh no this is getting long

OFHRJGDJGJKDG OK SO . I FUCKING LOVE FUNGI SO DAMN MUCH THEYRE SUCJ COOL IMAGERY SO I AM LOSING MY MIND . And now I'm having some Thoughts about the mycelium resistance n how I can thematically tie it into the void bc...... idk themes my beloved I guess<3 also it's like 11 pm here so don't expect coherence I'm so sorry

I wasn't really Online and active in the hc fandom during the mycelium resistance plot, so I don't know if there's a popular consensus on headcanons there -- this'll all be following my own takes (unless other people wanna add in!! I'd love to hear if you have any other ideas anon bc I am !!!!!!!)

The things I feel the mycelium and my Void Lore have in common are 1) being the original state of something, whether the shopping district or existence itself 2) a penchant for spreading and subsuming 3) a massive, but less tangible, body (hyphae, the void under the world) and a much more noticable + physical offshoot (mushrooms, the boatem beast). Idk if anyone broke through bedrock in the shopping district? But if the void was somehow introduced there, that could kick things off. It wouldn’t be able to form a physical body of its own like the boatem beast, not without the egg to jumpstart things, but could maybe corrupt the mycelium to propagate bc uhhhh. Idk void mushrooms are cool dw about logic. Personally I love the idea of the mycelium resistance being a little bit mind controlled and this can contribute to it <3 call of the void but it just tells you to grow mushrooms

I think it’s a neat concept just as is!! The 2 forces are both trying to bring the shopping district to its “original” state, but both have wildly different perspectives of what things were originally like. When the mycelium is finally wiped out, the void loses its hold on both on the resistance and in a more physical sense. I’d have to go rewatch the turf war to come up w ideas of what the void actually Does up on the island — one of the shops had end crystals + their Beams, right?? Maybe smth with that?? Idk, there’s not quite as much Weird Stuff for me to work off of as there was in s8. My worldbuilding with void + the end is incredibly loose and vague anyways which doesn’t help /lh but anyways. That all is my excuse to throw some mycelium resistance flavoring into the something under boatem au

As for how the beast is shaped by this . Oh My God fuck yes mycelium trail oh my GOD...... imagine if plants around boatem were dying mysteriously, which turned out to be a fungal infection. Poor mr peace love and plants 💔 omg and the return of Void Fungus Team Up would give the boatem beast an even more powerful Physical Foothold bc it could get into the earth itself!!! Holy shit imagine the boatem hole slowly overrun by mysterious mushrooms that shimmer like the void AHHHH it’s getting late and I need to sleep before a long ass car ride tomorrow so. Leaving it there for now but. God I am Rotating

[grayintogreen]

I was not technically tagged, but at least two people on my dash were like DO WHAT YOU WANT NO ONE IS YOUR GOD, and you know what? They’re right and valid. 

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

96! And 90% of them are from just this year. Can’t wait to find out what the big 100 is gonna be. Any one of my WIPS could be Disney’s next 100th fic.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

455,024 (also mostly from this year...)

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

In my entire life??? Since I was twelve??? I don’t even know, man. I wrote a lot of ooc crackfic and fic for cartoons when I was on FF.net, and then I was on LJ and wrote for a TON of different fandoms, but on AO3, I have written for Critical Role (so much CR), Yashahime/Inuyasha, Guardians of the Galaxy, His Dark Materials (TV), Steven Universe, Bleach, Alias, Supernatural, Dollhouse, Pushing Daisies (the last four were all transferred here from LJ, though)

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

- turning wine back into water (Critical Role, de-aging fic with plot, 30457 words)

I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE HOW POPULAR THIS FIC IS. It beat out two of my super popular GotG fics that have been up since 2017 BY A LOT. Apparently, there was a market for the Mighty Nein being adorable cocktail brats and saving the world. Thanks, Liam’s Quest!

It is probably one of the most wholesome fics I will ever write too. I love it.

- Sunshine Came Softly (Guardians of the Galaxy, Rocket and Mantis friendship, 3188 words)

THIS FIC STILL GETS HITS EVEN TODAY. It was written right after I saw the movie so it hit hard and fast on the hype train. 

- Mine Is Just a Slower Sacrifice (Guardians of the Galaxy, Rocket-centric, 2248 words)

BOY YOU CAN TELL THESE FICS ARE ANCIENT BECAUSE I HADN’T DEVELOPED MY TITLE NICHE YET. where are the lower caps and Seanan McGuire lyrics!!

Anyway, this was written probably IMMEDIATELY after I saw the movie and had to process Rocket’s emotions during the last moments, because of who I am as a person. For what’s mostly a character study, it got some mileage on it.

- they drink dreamers up like brandy (Critical Role, 1625 words)

Back to Critical Role! I wrote this one when I was in a fucking blind post-finale haze and producing massive amounts of Kingsley content and I wanted to write a silly fic about Caleb being tiefling catnip. 

- if adversity breeds character (we’ve character enough for two) (Critical Role, Beau and Molly-centric, 1824 words)

I feel like most of my most kudos-ed CR fics are Beau-related, which is funny because I never really wrote her EVER. I guess I need to write her more often. ANYWAY, this one got jossed immediately after 141, but I needed to write Beau and Molly bantering and I couldn’t get her flipping him off after revealing her card is Rumor out of my head.

(Incidentally my sixth most kudos-ed fic is my Fjorester next gen fic, WHICH I WAS NOT EXPECTING AT ALL. IT’S A FIC BASED ON MY OC FANCHILDREN!! I’M VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT THAT!!)

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Usually!! There are times when I forget and then it’s been so long that I never go back, but I like responding to comments. They make me so happy and I want to make sure the people who take the time to comment know that I see them and appreciate them. Especially if they give me long comments. You long commenters know who you are and I value you and also flail incoherently in your direction.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

God, probably this church takes no conversions simply because, like, the whole ending scenes are MISERABLE AND FULL OF ANGST and then it has the hopeful ending that is actually a bullshit lie.

But second place probably goes to what couldn’t i offer, what couldn’t i give, which is just misery porn in disguise as a character study. Sorry, Cree.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Okay, so back in the day when I was a tineh fanbrat I wrote a lot of self-indulgent crossovers featuring my friends and I in true Mary Sue format being ~saviors of the world~ alongside our favorite fictional characters and after I grew out of that, I very rarely did it again, because as someone who can only write AUs if they’re high concept and can only write crossovers if the canon welding is pristine, it’s difficult.

I have ideas for some! I just haven’t written them yet. Or they’re sitting in Google Docs partially written.

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not to my recollection, which is insane, because I’ve written some things in my youth that deserved it, but also I was a kid, so maybe I definitely did not deserve it. Don’t send hate to kids!!

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

The first smut I ever posted on AO3 involved some fucking American Gods flesh horror shit, so that answers your second question.

Basically, yes, but I write smut to facilitate character development in a way that regular story beats can’t, mainly with characters who are in some way deeply fucked up and have unbalanced dynamics. 

So basically chances of me writing smut that isn’t Creecien or Lucigast? Very low. (I haven’t written Lucigast smut yet but I will. Inevitably.)

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that anyone’s told me, but one time when I was a teenager someone ripped off an entire group messageboard RP I was in and tried to pass it off as a fic they wrote.

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that anyone’s told me!

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I tried and it did not work out, because of (non-wanky) reasons, but it’s just not something I’d be very good at. I was the kid who wanted to work alone on group projects. I’m bad at group work.

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

That I’ve WRITTEN??? Because that at least narrows it down significantly. Sesshoumaru/Rin hands down. It’s a good dynamic and they’re fun and sad at the same time. 

My self-indulgent ass does also enjoy writing Creecien though. I’m putting it out there because I want it.

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

GOD POOR SUPERNOVAS OF ALL SOUND AND LIGHT. THAT FIC COULD’VE BEEN A CONTENDER, but I unfortunately posted it RIGHT BEFORE the White Diamond episodes aired and it became so jossed by canon so fast that I gave up on life with chapter two half finished. I need to delete it but I can’t bring myself to bury my shame.

15) What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and meta-narrative and character-specific stuff. I go into every story with CHARACTER FIRST mentality, which is how I end up writing so many damn character studies or why my word counts explode. I’m just out here naval gazing because I love character stuff SO MUCH.

I’ve been told I’m good at fight/action scenes too, which... Shocks me, but I think watching and playing a lot of D&D stuff has really improved how I write fighting and action sequences.

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

[whispers] too much naval gaze. dial it back, bitch. 

I get really caught up in character stuff and forget to do important things like ADVANCE THE SCENE OR DESCRIBE THE SCENE OR LITERALLY ANYTHING. I also don’t think my prose is all that great, but I’m pretty sure every writer feels that imposter syndrome bullshit, so /waves hands. All I’m saying is I have seen some writers on AO3 who are writing some fucking vivid imagery and stringing flawless sentences together and weaving introspection and description together like beautiful baskets and they are stronger than any US Marine and I salute them and wish to be them.

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Iiii try not to. There’s times where I want to throw in, like, a little Zemnian for Caleb flair, but I try to stick to things that are either untranslatable (like German compound words), common phrases (like please or come here), or insults/curses/ pet names. Things that I don’t think Google will fucking lie to me about.

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I think it was a Sailor Moon crackfic about Haruka being forced to enter a beauty pageant which was just a blatant rip-off of Ms Congeniality and oh my god was it awful. I don’t even wanna talk about it.

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

this church takes no conversions, probably BECAUSE it’s my little red-headed stepchild of a fic involving so many things that are just never going to make it popular (backstory fic, fic that is almost 85% headcanon, doesn’t involve popular characters, etc.), but godDAMMIT I love that fic so much. It was fun and I use every bit of that headcanon in almost everything like it’s my job.

shattered stage is a close second, because it was such a crazy concept for a fic that I PULLED OFF SOMEHOW and is this wonderful mix of crazy plot and character and lore and my three favorite tieflings having to work together. And also Jayne Merriweather as the main villain. 

A lot of love went into both of those fics and they are my babies. this time next year we’ll see if I add Creedemption and shoot at fate to this list- probably. All of my epic long fics resolve to be my babies because I spent so much time on them, and I have to love them and cherish them because I raised them into gigantic wordy attempts to write a doorstopper.

[ghostbustermelanieking]

tma as “the haunting of bly manor”: self-indulgent au ramblings

this started as me really loving thobm’s ending (both in general and as a representation of what i want out of tragic gay love stories in horror) and thinking “wow it’d be cool if tma ended like that,” and ended up here because i started analyzing the parallels and where other characters fit in and couldn’t stop thinking about it. indulge me on this one please

(putting this under a cut in case anyone is watching the haunting of bly manor and doesn’t want to be spoiled. i don’t think you necessarily need to have seen thobm to understand this but it probably helps.)

· okay as pieces of horror that deal a lot in tragedy and death and love and themes of being trapped and fighting against things and reliving moments in time and losing yourself to outside forces, i think thobm works really well as a template for a tma au

· to start off: martin is the storyteller. of course martin is the storyteller

·“statement of martin k. blackwood regarding… a ghost story” more on this later

· the magnus institute stands in for bly, and it’s pretty much the same except it’s in the middle of fuck-all nowhere, and is much less staffed, and half the staff just like. lives there out of necessity

· it isn’t just a temple to the eye though; it’s mostly that, but it’s also kind of like a sinkhole for all the powers. the land it’s on is a mess and divided up between the powers like a mini fearpocalypse

· consider: tim and sasha as owen and hannah come and suffer with me

· ok aside from the inherent tragedy of their stories being in parallel, consider: tim would make those awful puns and sasha would absolutely pretend to hate it

· ok but also consider: sasha dies and no one notices, not even her. she’s taken by not-sasha the lady in the lake and she dies and no one notices it, but everyone wonders where sasha’s always going, why she always seems to be so out of it.

· imagine sasha fading into the background not realizing that shes dead... tim not understanding why she's pulling away or constantly disappearing, why she acts so strangely when he suggests they run away... sasha reliving moments with tim, unable to understand why she keeps coming back to the moment where she pushed him out of the way when something was in the institute, not realizing it’s the last time she saw him alive

· “tell him i love him…” oh my god

· not sasha is the lady in the lake. just because.

· jonah elias magnus is a little bit the lady in the lake a little bit peter quint he’s got the backstory of this being his house and being there for fuck-all-ever, and he’s using all these people as cogs in the machine, trying to get them to lose themselves to the eye or anything else there, using their lives and wellbeing to benefit himself (especially jon more on that later)

· (it should be noted there’s a very good fic with a huge manor and ghosts and romantic stuff and jonah possessing people called antigonish that makes way more sense than this but anyways)

· basira and daisy are a little bit quint and rebecca jessel. not entirely; their backstory is different and so is their dynamic, and daisy doesn’t possess basira to kill her and trap her there forever or anything like that. but she does go over to the hunt and ask basira to come with her. the difference is, basira wants to

· georgie is henry wingrave. minus the spousal infidelity and secret daughter, but in that she refuses to come to the institute. she’s brushed enough with it (with the end) that she doesn’t want to come anywhere near it, or anyone involved. she’s henry wingrave who separates herself from everyone for her own preservation but also loses jon and melanie in the process… who calls all the time because she misses them and wants to either apologize or beg them to leave but can never get up the courage to say anything… who comes back to get them out and dies briefly and has her encounter with the end… who talks to sasha when she reveals she’s dead and says, “tell him i love him…” who helps melanie leave in the end…. jesus christ

· melanie and jon are both dani yes i will elaborate

· melanie is dani in that she’s the last to come, and she thinks it’s going to be a new start even though it’s anything but. (she’s running, although not from a ghostly fiancé, but from the slaughter and the war ghosts and the humiliation she faced on the internet.) she comes to give a statement and ends up never leaving, and the slaughter only tightens its hold on her. georgie disapproves. melanie wants to leave when she figures out she’s trapped but she doesn’t know how

· jon is dani in that he is the second to last to come, and also the linchpin to ending all of it. but he’s also a little bit the kids, in that he’s being manipulated and taken over by the eye and in a lot of danger but he has no idea. he’s still the archivist he still takes statements and elias (who’s a lot less present here but still has some sway over everything) is manipulating the hell out of him ala quint to miles and flora

· the covering mirrors motif pops up here somehow mirrors looking glass eye all of that

· jon still takes statements, and statements are a version of dream-hopping. where they can relive their statements and their fondest memories and all of that, but jon is unwilling voyeur to all of it

· tim and martin are the ones who don’t stay at the institute overnight. jon and melanie and sasha and basira do. gradually tim and martin start to leave less and less

· it ends in a big confrontation i’m not sure how. lake + eye imagery, the power well trying to pull everyone in. sasha accepts she’s dead. georgie comes for her loved ones. jon gives himself over to the eye to save everyone, so they can all leave

· here is where storyteller martin comes in because imagine that ending of dani and jamie in a jm context. holy fucking shit

· jon and martin who leave the institute and go to scotland on borrowed time, knowing jon will inevitably lose the rest of him to the eye someday, but wanting to spend whatever time they have left together. the safehouse period but it lasts for years pls imagine. all of that. oh my god

· jon eventually going back to the institute to protect martin and martin following him and getting there too late… that entire scene by the lake… holy shit holy shit

· storyteller martin who won’t talk about it for years before finally giving the statement (possibly at georgie and melanie’s wedding just because, possibly not like that at all). who gives the statement futilely hoping it’s the key to seeing jon again because that’s always worked before. storyteller martin who is still looking for jon years later, who fills the sinks and tubs and sleeps with the door cracked open. storyteller martin who sleeps unknowingly with jon’s hand on his shoulder

· this is messy and unformed but i’ve been screaming about it for weeks oh my god someone draw this for me

· i don’t expect actual tma to end anything like this but i’d die if it did

[fubukiswifenoimnotjoking]

Some opm fanfic ideas I’ve come up with thatIwishIcouldwrite ._.

1. Therapy! Maybe a bunch of heroes are pushed into taking therapy by the HA for legal reasons and it’s SO angst filled, what with Genos’ depressing past, Fubuki’s inferiority complex, Saitama’s depression, Metal Bat feeling pressure to be a good caretaker for Zenko, etc. Hey maybe in a Garou redemption take he ends up there too, taking in his childhood trauma. And everyone’s arguing like SHUT THE FUCK UP MY PAIN IS REAL and throwing stuff, meanwhile Saitama sits with Mumen (who I see needing physical therapy more than therapy therapy but coming there anyway to support heroes) and they drink tea and talk. Maybe eventually it mellows out and they can (sometimes) put their pride away to talk their stuff out, but Garou SWEARS he will kill anyone who talks shit on him!

2. Genos decides he can’t take it anymore and leaves to go find the Mad Cyborg cuz he knows he just can’t get strong like Saitama, even tho he doesn’t want to leave him. This has been done a bunch in fic BUT I rarely see any where Saitama goes with him! And maybe they like, go on adventures to get there and maybe over them, they grow closer, learn to speak to each other more, Genosai pining etc etc. oh and lots of camping together. When I imagine the end I always see like, either they find it and Genos almost dies but Saitama’s like no, we can do this TOGETHER and they punch it together, or a really emotional one where they find the cyborg’s corpse and Genos breaks down but admits he’s almost relieved, and yeah idk what else.

3. AA ok so I have three very self indulgent Au’s, I’ve talked about one on here and it’s kinda lame but I love the idea. K so, there’s this scene in A Star is Born with lady Gaga where she sings la vie en rose in a drag bar and when her and the main guy meet eyes they just!!instant attraction. So yeah my idea was that but Genos is a new drag queen at a drag bar owned by Fubuki and Saitama is a taffy puller at a candy shop (idk why I chose candy) with King and Mumen and Saitama goes to the bar for the first time cuz they’re promoting their candy there. And yeah lol it’s Genosai again, they start to hang out in and out of drag bars and for Genos, in and out of Genny, his dragsona (tho Genoko is way better now that I think about it). He has trust issues cuz shitty past etc and Fubuki takes him under her wing and they’re friends and she gives him advice. Oh and Sonic is a drag queen too, him and Genos are rivals, Tatsumaki owns a more popular bar and her and Fubuki have that sister rivalry, Garou and Badd work there as bouncers and mess with Genos all the time bc I love Shitty Teen Squad. Mizuki is a bouncer too :0 Also there’s Mizuki x Fubuki and Garou x Badd. Sonic x Mumen too I guess, tho I’m not as into that ship as before

4. My second self indulgent one oo boy. Soooo this is an au where everything is more monstrous, ppl are half or have become complete monsters, but more traditional ones usually, like Godzilla level kaiju, incubi, stuff like that. Except these monsters fit a teeny bit more into society, so there has to be something like a police force to get at em when they’re criminals but with heroes/detectives. Cue Genos and Mumen, totally BAD, SCARY eMO cop and goody🥳two😍shoes✨ good cop. One day they’re getting coffee or whatever when the whole place blows up, and while most people survived in wreckage, Genos notices-a monster! He chases after an incubus, and even rockets into the sky after him when he starts flying. Saitama’s like ow what the fuck, I didn’t do any of this I was just walking by! And Genos is like shut up scum >:( they take him in for questioning and learn he’s a super OP incubus (go figure) but he doesn’t have much of a sex drive and doesn’t “do the whole incubus thing.” Genos doesn’t believe him but Mumens like omg that must be so hard, have some more tea sweetie. Anyway Genos leaves it to Mumen and when he’s gone Saitama uses his convincing flirty powers to get Mumen to release him. He feels guilty about using his powers, he feels skeevy! But he really doesn’t wanna be there and escapes, Genos catches him etc and it’s a whole conspiracy all 3 of them have to figure out that actually goes super deep, also more Genosai lmaaoooooo

5. THIS IS MY DUMBEST ONE BUT I LOVE IT. Ok so Saitama is out walking in the woods one day and finds an abandoned cottage and he’s like oh sick. He goes back home but can’t get it off his mind. He keeps going back and fixes little bits of it here and there, really makes it shine and then Genos catches him and he’s like yo Sensei? Of course Genos takes the project super seriously bc Saitama is hardly ever interested in stuff so they get it done and pretty looking ridiculously fast. Then Saitama suggests like, living there every now and again for certain seasons. Genos says yes without thinking, and is floored by all the tender things he discovers come with cottage life, like a garden, taking care of little hurt birds and not accidentally hurting the house. He’s scared to tell Saitama but Sai eventually worms it out of him that he feels like he doesn’t belong, he’s so bulky and damaging to everything. Course Saitama feels awful for not realizing, hugs the shit out of him and apologizes. Then he gets the idea to help Genos feel like he can enjoy a simple life, help him hold animals, feed birds, etc. and Genos is like oh my GOD Saitama is too good to me 🥺🥺 and idk what else happens hhhh. anyway could be either established relationship or mutual pining, I like either for this story but the most IMPORTANT part is it’s full of cottagecore imagery and vibes or it’s not a simple cottage au, and I live by that. Anyway if anyone likes these and wants to use them then hell yeah! I can’t write to save my life, but please gimme credit 🧡🎃

[goodbyevanny]

All-girls school AU - Good Omens

This has since been edited and posted on AO3!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22201279/chapters/53005516

Writer’s note: I saw a prompt on tumblr, and it hit me hard, as I went to an all-girls Catholic school and definitely did my fair share of pining over my best friend. That said, I’m in the US, in a very specific part of the country. So, in the spirit of write-what-you-know, the setting is in the US, and you will see some culture references to that. Keep in mind this is an AU. I’m gonna be honest, this is just a lotta self-indulgent wish fulfillment and me working through my own issues. 

Summary: Aziraphale Angeles has been given a fresh start as a first year at prestigious all-girls Catholic school and she LOVES it. She’s finally being left alone by her family, and she loves her uniform, her books, her tea. It’s practically Eden, if only she didn’t keep running into that trouble maker, Antonia J. Crowley! She does NOT need more questions in her life...

Rating: T

Warnings: Main characters both experiencing and participating in fat-shaming, homophobia, transphobia. Aziraphale grew up in a very religious, patriarchal household and her views will be in line with that upbringing. Of course, this will change through the story.

It will begin, as always, in a garden. 

It was the second week of starting at Immaculate Conception Preparatory Academy for Girls, and Aziraphale Angeles was feeling guilty over just how much she was enjoying herself. When the term had started, she hadn’t been sure as to what to expect, but so far it was surprisingly, well, wonderful. 

Honestly, she had expected to hate it. The Holy Angels University system was designed to so that you could spend the entirety of your academic career within it (and, in her family’s case, even after) and Aziraphale had known from when she was very young that she very likely would. This meant that entering high school was a simple matter of walking up a very steep hill to a new building. Her classmates, for the most part, had transitioned with her, and of course, she had a plethora of cousins in the school as well. 

She had anticipated her troubles from her younger years following her here, schoolyard taunts of ‘Azira-FAIL’ echoing in her head. She’d imagined being ostracized at lunch, eating at the end of a table filled with family and their friends, only being acknowledged with the occasional snide comment about how much she was eating, and how she never pulled her nose out of a book.

But it hadn’t been like that at all. First, the homeroom that she had been placed in had none of her former classmates. As the most prestigious private school system in the city, students from all over matriculated in, not just from the associated middle school, so there had been plenty of new students to meet. 

Even better, her homeroom was presided over by the head of the Theology department, which was always one of Aziraphale’s best subjects, and she’d managed to impress her professor on the first day. She was given the job of class rep, and that alone had given her the kind of protection and independence she had craved in her younger years. At first student council meeting she received a gold brooch with the emblem of the institution: a heart, encircled by thorns, pierced by a sword, wreathed in flames. Aziraphale had wrinkled her nose when she had received it, annoyed by the heavy-handed, overlapping imagery. But even so, she felt proud to have it shining on her lapel.

It wasn’t just the pin she loved; it was the whole uniform. Her brand new oxfords, with the sharp contrast of white and black. The silky feel of her stark-white summer knee-highs. Her brand-new summer uniform, the polyester skirt in inverse eternity tartan, with the matching camel colored tartan blazer and tartan bowknot tie. Her starched linen blouse, neatly tucked in, and large white grosgrain bow, perched like wings atop her perfect high ponytail. Or at least, her attempt at a perfect high ponytail. She found her white-blonde curls rather refused even the most maximum hold gel or hair spray, so by the end of the day a cloud of frizz had usually fought free it’s constraints and made it look like a haze or halo around her head.

Also, the high school was much more lax in how it corralled its students. Meaning, classes were held at regular times, and it was up to you to make sure you attended the correct number of sessions every week; other than that, your day was free for independent study. Aziraphale was allowed now to spend almost the entire day in the library, or quiet classrooms with cozy window nooks for reading. Combining that with her class rep pin, which allowed her to roam the halls as needed, she felt free for the first time in her life. It was heady.

Her evenings had been a delight of tea and cocoa, cozy blankets and books now that she had moved into the dorm. Her cousins, including Michael, were all in the upper years’ dorms, so after dinner, she didn’t even have to see them. Even better, some combination of her family’s connections and her pristine academic record had scored her a single room. The only thing that had disturbed her peace so far had been the loud music coming from the room across the narrow hall, but even that had been turned down when she knocked on the door, without her needing to say anything. 

She knew this peace wouldn’t last, but for now it was all just so lovely. 

Now, two weeks in, she was comfortable in her routine. She was in the back of Professor Tracy’s classroom, where there were several very cozy chairs set on a plush, if worn out, rug. It was one of her favorite classrooms so far; set on the third floor, overlooking the school’s science building and extensive gardens. The chairs were set in front of an unlit fireplace that probably didn’t even work, but Aziraphale thought gave a nice ambiance to the room. She was quite comfortable and, having already completed attending the necessary lectures earlier in the week, full intended to camp out in this chair for the rest of the day. She’d plugged in the electric kettle on the nearby shelf, intending to enjoy a cup of tea with the pastry she smuggled out of breakfast in her handkerchief. She’d gone so far as to carefully unlace her oxfords and set them next to her book bag, so she could tuck her feet under her. 

Today she intended to begin on the recommended reading list that had been provided to her by the terrifying University library assistant, and had checked out the few books that were carried by the high school library. While she waited for the kettle to be ready, she stared out the diamond paned windows that arched upwards, almost reaching the painted tin ceiling. It was probably the best view on Mt. Eden, overlooking the gardens and orchards that tumbled down the hillside to the valley below. Her eyes traced the highway that hugged one side of the mountain, only to then twist away into the distance, raised high above the valley so it nestled between the treetops. 

She could see dark clouds gathering at the edge of the valley and could see it would likely rain soon. Thankfully, she didn’t have any classes in the science building, which was detached, but she had her white ruffled umbrella with her anyway, and thought she might come up with some sort of excuse to go outside with it later today. Her brother had brought it back from Japan, and she was somewhat eager to use it, even if it wasn’t really needed. 

She had just settled in with her cup of tea, taken a bite of the pastry, and read the first page of Dangerous Angels when Professor Tracy interrupted. 

She hadn’t meant to interrupt her, of course. Instead, the teacher who was rapidly becoming her favorite professor was standing at the windows, peering down in the direction of the orchards. “Oh no, Mr. Shadwell. Ohhh leave them alone, they’re fine,” she fretted, and then finally reached for the hand crank to open the window. As soon as it was swung open, she was calling out and waving, “Mr. Shadwell! Mr. Shadwell! Oh dear, I don’t think he hears me, Sargeant Shadwell!” 

Well. There would be no reading through that nonsense. Aziraphale untucked her feet and wandered in her socks up to the window to look out, and immediately saw the problem. From this vantage point, it was easy to see the three girls lounging in the stone circle at the center of the orchard, and farther up the hill, the insufferable Mr. Shadwell making his rounds. The last call out of Professor Tracy had stopped him in his tracks, leading him to stand, eyes roving over the building, looking for the offending distraction.

There was no time to waste. Aziraphale was already back in her chair, shoving her feet in her oxfords and desperately tying up her laces. She’d have to leave her things, but she thought it would probably be fine, as Professor Tracy and her had an understanding...and with one last glance around she snatched up her umbrella and ran out of the room.

Aziraphale hated running. It conjured up the worst memories for her, sweating and taunted in gym class, in white T-shirt that she felt was unnecessarily tight. Michael, her cousin, laughing and pinching the flesh above where Aziraphale’s gym shorts dug in. “Like a fat frosted cupcake,” she teased, and the nickname had stuck. It had taken over a year before Aziraphale could eat cupcakes again without furious tears. (Not that she had give up eating them, though, because Michael was not taking that away from her too. She just sniffled through through deliciousness.)

Yet now she was running, out of the classroom, down the hall, and then down the stairs in leaps and bounds, taking multiple steps at a time and then out outside, down more steps towards the STEM building and the accompanying gardens. She had recognized one of the students from the orchard immediately: Eve. They’d met in homeroom, and had started a tentative friendship; at any rate, Eve saved her a seat every morning and afternoon in their homeroom.

The heat outside was oppressive, even with the increasingly storm dark skies, the humidity instantly freeing wisps of curls to halo her face and fluffing her ponytail. She tried to smooth the white blond strands back against her scalp even as she ducked behind an impressive hedge of oleander, trying to see where Shadwell had gotten off to. She sighted him as she passed the long line of towering cypress that ran alongside the driveway behind the school. He was shouting up at Professor Tracy, who was hanging partly out the window, obviously hoping to catch the notice of the students and get them to move. Shadwell sounded apoplectic, and was alternating between stomping his feet and vigorously pointing at the professor. 

Aziraphale hurried down the limestone steps at the edge of the slope  to the gravel path that wound through the orchard, gritting her teeth as sweat began to drip between her breasts and collect along the underwire of her bra. Eve and her were going to have words this afternoon in homeroom over this. 

When she reached the stone circle, she pulled up short. Eve was there, sure enough, with her long dark curls, lustrous eyes and smooth complexion. Aziraphale couldn’t help but return a helpless smile as Eve caught sight of her and grinned, a mischievous brow arching. But Aziraphale’s smile faltered when she caught sight of Eve’s company. First, there was a boy. Wearing their uniform, no less. Where had he even gotten it? From Eve? What was she thinking? If she was caught with a boy they would be expelled! And her other friend—Aziraphale gave this second girl a look over. “Good Lord,” she muttered. 

This second girl lounged on the stone benches that made up the ring of circle, long legs spread out before her and weight resting on one arm, while the other was propped up on her bent knee. The only thing that kept it from being ridiculously lewd was that she wasn’t wearing the skirt uniform. Instead, she was wearing the pants, in the black eternity tartan, completely out of season. Her matching blazer had been tossed over the bench behind her. Her shirt was untucked and her tie was tied like a boy’s. She was wearing what were likely very fashionable sunglasses, because they looked ridiculous, and her head tipped back so she could look down her nose at Aziraphale as if Aziraphale was the one that deserved to be judged. 

But, worst of all, was her hair. Loose, like Eve’s, but carefully styled, deep red curls. It hung down her back in ringlets, and Aziraphale was sure it wasn’t naturally that color. No one had the right to that much color, on their head, it was obscene, and wasn’t that just the perfect word for this creature, she thought, as her eyes traced down the long line of her tanned throat, and did she have her top button undone?!?

Eve was laughing, “Oh c’mon, if you glare any harder you’ll burn a hole through them,” and the floozy had the gall to smirk. 

Aziraphale whirled around to face Eve, hands on her hips, white umbrella still clutched tightly in one hand.”Have you lost your mind? What are you doing down here? With a boy?” She threw out an arm and waved it up and down to encompass the offending human, who was adjusting a pointless, but lovely, matching headband on their shaved head. 

“Oh? Jealous already, Azira?” Aziraphale stepped back and her mouth fell open, eyes wide. “What? No! Of course not! I just,” and hold on, she wasn’t the one out of line here. “BOY!” she snapped back, and gestured again.

“It’s just Adam. We’ve been friends forever, Adam having such a time of it at the boys’ school, and Tony had the brilliant idea to have them hang out with us here! I mean, if they’re in uniform, and we just hung out in open classes, how would anyone even tell? We’re firsties, professors don’t even know us yet, really.”

There was so much wrong with that statement, and too little time to unpack it all. “You and I are going to have a talk after study hours tonight. But for now, Shadwell is doing his rounds, and you all need to get out of here,” she could already hear him cursing and sliding on the gravel at the top of the orchard. Tony–of course this delinquent would have a boy’s name–looked up the hill in what might have been a vaguely interested way, but it was impossible to really tell with those stupid sunglasses. Then, quick as a snake, she was up on her feet and was exiting the circle, one hand saluting with a “Ciao.” She slipped between the trees and was gone.

Aziraphale rolled her eyes, and went to follow, but Shadwell had spotted them. “I see you, ladies, stay where you are! Miss Angeles!” He was in sight of them now, but was slowed by the steep incline of the gravel path.

“Oh!” Aziraphale spun in a circle, fretting, and finally her hands flew to the gold brooch on her lapel. “Oh no,” she lamented, but there was nothing for it. She unfastened it and then quickly reattached it to Eve’s blazer. “Stay behind us,” she told the boy, who wisely hadn’t said anything so far, thank the good Lord, because she didn’t think she’d be able to handle any more idiocy at this point. 

They barely had time to turn around when Shadwell burst through the bushes. “Out of class!” he spat. “Smoking? Drinking?”

“Please, Sergeant Shadwell, I think you know me a good deal better than that.” Aziraphale stepped forward.

She hated “cheating” in this way, but she also knew that it would take nothing short of a miracle to get Shadwell to get him to let this go. Angelic influence was required. And by that she meant, of course, the Angeles family name. Her family was the founding benefactors and remained the principal donors to the Holy Angels University System, and being a part of that family did come with certain privileges. 

“Eve is a class rep with me, and um, Professor Tracy saw this student out of bounds so we were sent to escort them back in. For demerits,” she said, nervously tucking wisps of her white-blond hair behind ears. 

Eve stepped forward and tapped the badge for good measure, trying to distract Shadwell from getting too close of a look at her companion. Although, Aziraphale really wished she hadn’t, because now Shadwell would ask—

“Hrmph. And where’s yours, then?”

“Oh, um,” Aziraphale glanced around like she actually expected to see it lying on one of the stone benches, and not like it was pinned to Eve’s blazer plain as day. “It’s around somewhere. Forget my own head next,” she smiled and laughed weakly, and prayed Shadwell didn’t ask why the girl behind them had no hair and broad shoulders. She was delivered, though, by a single distant bell toll. “Oh goodness, we need to get going to our next class! Thank you Sergeant, you’ll take over patrolling where we left off, yes? Ok!” And then she was steering Eve and the boy forcefully up the gravel path, through the break in the crumbling stone wall around the orchard. 

It wasn’t until they were back in the building, the halls crowded with students passing to their next class that her heart started to calm. They followed her as she ducked down a side stairwell that lead to the basement level and pushed open the door on the distant side of Mt. Eden. The slope would lead to the bridge that connected their crest of Mt. Eden to the lower hill of the boys’ school.

She turned to Eve. “Ok, you have to get him back to his own school, he can absolutely not be here when classes let out for the day. All in all, this was a terrible idea and I can’t believe you let that girl tempt you into it!”

“Azira, thank you so much for coming to get us—

“No, best not thank me, I do feel a bit like I’m sending you into the lions’ den. I have no idea how you’re going to get him back on campus.”

Eve reached up to her lapel and began to unfasten the pin, but Aziraphale reached out and covered her hand with her own to stop her. “Oh, no need to worry about that. You can get it back to me another time. You better hold on to it for now, it might be useful.”

Eve smiled, dazzling Aziraphale, and then threw her arms around her, hugging her tightly, and for a moment Aziraphale was breathless. Just as quick, Eve stepped back and took up Adam’s hand, and pushed open the door. “I’ll see you at dinner!”

“You better!” Called out Aziraphale, but then the door swung shut with a heavy snap, and she wasn’t sure if she’d been heard. It seemed too final, and she wanted to see that Eve and that stupid boy were safe, so she headed up the stairs. She cleared the basement level, then passed the stairwell entrances that lead to the classrooms, one, two, three, floors. Here, a red velvet rope cordoned off the stairway, like an exclusive club awaited beyond, and she awkwardly stepped over it. When the staircase turned again for the next level, the marble steps gave way to concrete. There was a heavy wood door here, with a keyhole, but she knew it would open for her. She pushed it and now she was in an empty storage space, under the sloped roof of her school. It smelled musty and old, it was hot, but stronger than that was the sharp scent of cedar, which paneled the entire space; roof, floors, walls. All intended to drive away the moths, she supposed, because stacked floor to ceiling, across the wide space, were hundreds of books, stacked to the roof, forming twisting corridors interspersed with antique furniture. Aziraphale left this all ignored and picked her way through until she came to a ladder against the wall. 

Looping her umbrella over her wrist, she climbed up until it reached the hatch in the roof, and leveraged it open with a strong, firm shoulder against it. It gave, flinging open and she made her way through. She was in the bell tower; the large brass ladies hanging heavy overhead, a choir of sixteen, ropes strung across the soaring space overhead. Aziraphale spread them only a quick glance of appreciation before she opened the side door and headed out onto the roof.

The roof was bordered by a white limestone crenelation, and Aziraphale stood behind one of the merlons to stay hidden from anyone looking up from the ground. She could see Eve and the boy approaching the bridge. Mercifully, it was cooler up here. She wasn’t sure if that was because the roof was able to better pick up the increasing breeze, or if it was because the storm was finally closing in. She reached up to smooth down her frizz against her head to no avail. She could feel it instantly curling back up.

“Well that went down like a lead balloon,” and Aziraphale wasn’t surprised to see Eve’s friend sauntering up to her. Because of course she would know how to get up here. 

“I’m sorry, what,” snipped Aziraphale, already at her wit’s end with this girl. 

“I said, ‘that went down like a lead balloon.”

“Oh, yes, rather,” snarked Aziraphale, because honestly, whose fault was that?

“Well it just seems a bit of an overreaction if you ask me, handing out demerits for sitting outside.”

Aziraphale rolled her eyes. “Yes, sitting outside and demerits, that’s definitely what you had Eve risk,” she said with another head to toe look over of Tony that shouted, you are as slow as you are pretty. A second lookover did not improve her opinion. Tony was still in the eternity tartan pants and black blazer, with her tie tied like a boy’s. As the breeze whipped her deep red curls back, away from her graceful neck, Aziraphale noticed a pair of long black snake earrings, twisting in loops down from her ears and definitely longer than allowed by the student handbook. 

“Seems a bit ridiculous, though. Big stone seating area in the middle of an orchard, why put a bunch of benches up if you don’t want anyone to sit there? Why give us all this free time and the ability to sort our own schedules if they don’t trust us to go inside to class when we’re supposed to?

 “Oh for g—for goodness sake, you brought a boy on campus! Eve could have been expelled!”

Tony smirked. “Eve, huh?” And anyway, the point is that we wouldn’t have even been noticed if we were allowed to sit outside. Doesn’t make much sense does it?”

Aziraphale could feel her face hearing. “Best not to question things. The rules are the rules, and they’re not that hard to follow. Just because something seems ineffable, doesn’t mean that it isn’t right.”

“Ineffable? Did you really just throw the word “ineffable” into conversation, just like that?”

Aziraphale answered with a glare.

“Just trying to give you some trouble,” she said, giving a blinding white smile.

“Well, I dare say you’ve succeeded. What were you thinking, bringing a boy on campus? And dressing him in our uniform, have you lost your mind?”

She paused because she could see how, across the bridge and down the hill, she could see Eve and the boy duck behind a crumbling stone wall as campus security drove by in a golf cart. 

“A boy? You mean Adam?”

She really should have reported this girl when she had the chance. “YES. HIM. Who else would I mean?”

Tony shrugged and leaned her shoulder and hip against the merlon next to Aziraphale’s, somehow lounging while still upright. “I dunno. Adam’s probably more a girl than me, I figure. They certainly look better in a skirt.” 

Aziraphale couldn’t help but glance down at Tony’s long legs, somehow making tartan pants look fashionable. They would just have to agree to disagree about that one. When her eyes came back up, Tony was smirking again, and the heat of the day seemed to have returned. Lightning flashed in the far distance, and they could see a curtain of rain begin to steadily make its way across the valley below.

“They’re going to get caught,” fretted Aziraphale, and she wasn’t sure if she meant in the rain or by security. Thunder rumbled in the distance.

Tony took off her sunglasses, hooking the arm of them in the V of her linen blouse, which only emphasised that yes, she really had left the top button undone. She peered down the hill and then back to Aziraphale, and frowned. “Aren’t you a class rep?”

 Aziraphale’s brain had short circuited the moment she had met Tony’s eyes, no longer hidden by the sunglasses. ”What?”

‘“Didn’t you have a flaming sword?” Tony asked, reaching out and twirling a finger over Aziraphale’s lapel, thumb smoothing over the spot the material still indented in. “I’m sure you did. It was glittery as anything.”

Aziraphale had never seen anything like her eyes. Like harvest moons, golden to the point of glowing. “Oh, um. Yes.”

“Lost it in the mad dash, huh? Or did Shadwell confiscate it?”

And there was that damnable smirk again, which finally broke her out of the spell of Tony’s eyes. “Well, if you must know, I gave it to Eve,” she huffed, her face burning under Tony’s scrutiny.

“You what?!” Asked Tony, her smirk dropping into an open mouthed, genuine laugh. 

“I gave it to Eve! She was trying to take Adam all the way back to the boys school, it’s dangerous! If she’s caught she could be expelled! So I said take the pin, don’t thank me, could help you get out of a tight spot, and don’t forget to be back before you’re missed. Oh, I do hope I made the right decision.”

Tony started to roll her eyes, seemed to remember she wasn’t wearing her glasses, and abruptly turned to look for Eve again. “Oh, I’m not sure an angel like you can do the wrong thing.”

Aziraphale’s heart sank a bit. Angel? What does she mean by that? Not that she cared what this delinquent thought of her, but she had thought she was being judged on the basis of her own merits, not by her family name. 

“Well, thank you for the reassurance, I guess,” her ingrained good manners forcing her response. Lightning flashed, immediately followed by a boom crack of thunder overhead. The curtain of rain swept up the mountain, obscuring their view of Eve and that idiot Adam. Aziraphale hurried to open the umbrella and with a flick of her eyes, communicated to Tony she should step under it. Not a moment too soon, because the rain poured down around them.  It was a tight fit, and Aziraphale could feel the heat from Tony’s body seeping into her body, from shoulder to hip.  

They stayed there together, eyes straining to see their friends through the storm.

TBC

[in-tua-deep]

What animal do you think suits each of the umbrella kids the most?

okay what you don’t know is that i’m a sucker for a his dark materials au with daemons so i’m sorry if that’s not what you want but that’s what you’re getting lmao

forewarning: this is super self indulgent and i only have actual reasons for like maybe half of these 

Luther: a dog! If you want specifics probably an Anatolian Shepherd dog bc they’re big motherfuckers and muscular as fuck. I did toy with a big animal like a bear but ultimately I think a dog just because simply: Luther obeys Reginald without question and has incredibly loyalty to a man that never cared about his wellbeing. Plus, you know, the family would rib at him about being Reginald’s loyal dog and all that. Plus it’s a good set up for his rivalry with Diego that I’ll yell about in a minute. 

So yes, Luther’s daemon settles as a bigass dog. She’s pragmatic and can be cold and often tries to model herself after Reginald’s daemon. She can be somewhat self righteous and very blunt. She tends to say exactly what she’s thinking without sugar coating it and doesn’t care if Luther has to stumble to save face. “You think one of us killed dad.” Diego says. “No not ‘one of you’, specifically you, Diego. You have an alibi?” Luther’s daemon says in front of the family, god, and Five’s portrait on the mantle.

Diego: a wolf! This sets up a big rivalry between Diego and Luther as they have somewhat similar daemons except for the fact that Luther’s is a domesticated canine and Diego’s is a wild one. Luther often uses Diego’s daemon to say that Diego is too wild to lead the team and that’s why he’s in charge. It’s mainly because while Diego does his whole lone wolf act, he’s shown to be pretty protective of the people he considers his and really he does need a pack. Even though he tells Klaus no, he doesn’t bother enforcing it when Klaus insists on hopping in the car anyway. He wants to be leader of the pack, but is awkward when he tries to be in charge bless his heart.

Diego’s wolf daemon is a not-so-secret softie. She prompts Diego to interact more with his family and sends longing glances towards Detective Patch and her daemon. She doesn’t get along with Luther’s daemon and always bristles when she’s around, though Luther’s daemon tends to ignore Diego’s and act like she’s above it all which just makes the issue even worse tbh. Diego’s daemon doesn’t shy away from her instincts and refers to the family as her pack and is very vocal about both not killing Grace (though later she sits and whines when Diego does it) and letting Vanya out (Diego spits vitriol about Vanya but his daemon is suspiciously silent on the subject).

Allison: a burmese python! I will freely admit that i chose this 90% because of the feather boa in the beginning dance scene because I want Allison to have her daemon constantly draped around her neck and on her body, but snakes do tend to be associated with manipulation as well in some stories even though I can’t see it looking at their cute little faces?? But I mean Allison’s whole gig is manipulation so it fits even though I’m only justifying it after the fact lmao. 

Allison’s daemon is very laid back and rarely speaks up. Allison often accuses him of being lazy because she tends to carry him everywhere and he’s constantly on the hunt for warm places to curl up in. He used to ride on the back of Luther’s daemon a lot when Allison got fed up of carrying him. Uses the fact that he doesn’t have eyelids to stare people down when they’re being irritating. Generally does not appreciate the negative press that comes with being a snake daemon and secretly him and Allison both wonder if him being a snake was a factor in her not getting custody of Claire. (Allison didn’t appreciate what he settled as and they fought about it, there’s still some tension between them on occasion because of it)

Klaus: a black cat! I almost gave him a raven because reasons but I ended up with a cat for pretty simple reasons: Klaus is pretty much a stray cat in human form tbh just look at him. Also because cats stare off into corners like they can see the dead and damned so I thought it was somewhat appropriate, and black cats are considered both lucky and unlucky depending on where you like (which lemme tell you as a black cat owner who moved from a lucky to unlucky area was a wild thing to find out). 

Klaus’s daemon is very sarcastic and a lot less forgiving than Klaus himself is. They hold a grudge to say the least. While most daemons tend not to speak to people who aren’t their own, Klaus’s daemon doesn’t give a single shit and will talk to anyone they damn well please. Doesn’t get along with Luther’s daemon because they constantly talk shit about Reggie and Reggie’s daemon, but gets along very well with Diego’s daemon and has ridden on her shoulder more than once. Shares Klaus’s power in that they can see the dead but ignores them even harder than Klaus because they’re secretly freaked out that ghosts don’t have daemons. Klaus and his daemon also hang out with Ben’s daemon, who for reasons unknown didn’t burst into dust upon Ben’s death but she generally stays out of sight.

Five: one part of me says hare because of the cryptic value and eyes that look like they could kill you and also jumping jokes and another part of me says hummingbird for plenty of good reasons but an even larger part of me says that I don’t have to choose because I can just symbolically make his daemon unsettled. She wasn’t settled before the apocalypse and then he kind of… never really grew up. Part of a daemon settling is growing up and knowing yourself but Five didn’t have a chance to do that, he was too focused on his goal. They both dislike the fact that she’s unsettled because they think it’s childish, but it’s also very handy because it means she’s adaptable as fuck. Maybe she pretends she’s settled as a hare or something while they work for the Commission idk and it’s a little reveal when he’s back home. Maybe they’re also separated like a witch’s daemon due to the Commission?? unclear

Five’s daemon tends to fade into the background if you’ll let her. She tends to be standoffish but is exceptionally observant. She very rarely speaks to anyone outside of Five, even among the siblings, though she’s not above bluntly calling them out if Five isn’t around and she deems it necessary. She likes Vanya best, though she was also fond of Ben. She tends to be the voice of reason for Five and probably takes most of Dolores’s lines in telling him drinking is bad for him or that his equations are wrong. There’s probably a dramatic scene where she’s revealed to be unsettled where she turns into a big fuckoff animal and fucks up the Handler or something idk but otherwise she’s pretty content to remain a hare and do a good impression of the rabbit from monty python if people fuck with her.

Ben: something smaller and easily hidden. My heart says rat because they’re so fucking good and smart so that’s what I’m going to run with, and also because they’re often viewed negatively and Ben has a power that he also views negatively rip. Also I’m gonna be real the idea of Klaus and Ben’s daemons being absolute bros as a cat and a rat also amuses me so there’s that and this is my au i do what i want. 

Ben’s daemon was withdrawn before his death and even more so after. No one knows why she didn’t turn to dust when Ben died, but she didn’t. None of the other siblings knew that she survived because she asked Klaus not to tell, worried that Reginald would experiment on her to try and figure out why she didn’t vanish. She spent most of their time before Klaus left hiding in his room, and after she hides in his clothes a lot and likes when he wears items with hoods (like Ben used to) because she likes to curl up in them. Like Five’s daemon, she doesn’t talk much. 

Vanya: a spotted owl! I wanted to give Vanya a winged daemon that can’t fly for most of the duration of the plot despite having wings because of general symbolism reasons regarding Reginald “clipping her wings” by suppressing her powers with medication and all that. Honestly I mostly picked a spotted owl on a whim because I like owls (I was a guardians of gahoole kid) and I think that the hints of white on a spotted owl would be a cool allusion to her powers and also there’s some sick imagery in her powers activating and her daemons colors reversing so that he’s primarily white soooo i do what i want is the answer

Like I said above, Vanya’s daemon is a bird daemon who… doesn’t fly. He mostly spends his time on a perch that Vanya bought for him in her apartment. He doesn’t actually spend a lot of time physically on Vanya outside of when they’re travelling somewhere, and she usually puts him down immediately when she arrives at her destination. He usually just walks about the house but like a chicken can do a sort of jump/flap combo to get up to surfaces so he’s alright for the most part. I want to say part of Leonard’s manipulations was that he also has a bird daemon and they try and teach Vanya’s daemon to fly as well as for her to access her powers.

and outside of the main kids (these aren’t nearly as well thought out and are liable to change probably - 

Reginald: a fox. Cunning and intelligent and adaptable, she’s regal and stone cold, never speaking directly to any of the children and she often acts as if they don’t exist or are so far beneath her they might as well not. Her coat is always pristine, her dark eyes are always watching, and her teeth are dazzling and sharp and threatening even though the kids see her far more rarely than they do their father. She’s a ruthless pragmatist and often served as an observer during their training, after which she would whisper in Reginald’s ear and oftentimes there was a new and inventive torture waiting for them. Sometimes the kids feared her more than they feared their father. She’s only ever shown anything even approaching affection to Luther’s daemon, and even that was just brushing herself past the other daemon and allowing a brief touch.

Hazel: a big grizzly bear. They often both complain about the lack of accommodations for large daemons when she has to squeeze her ass into their tiny motel rooms or in diner booths and restaurant tables in general. Tends to just stay in the hotel room and allow people to assume Hazel has a small daemon since they’re separated and her bulk is often cumbersome for missions. Has 100% charged in as the cavalry and fucked people up though don’t mistake her whining for her not being very dangerous.

Cha-Cha: my heart says a mountain lion and so that’s what i’m going with. Large and can do a lot of damage given the opportunity with those claws, pretty sneaky and damn good at his job. Is probably the one who scruffs Klaus’s daemon when they kidnap him from the house. He has a wicked sense of humor that Cha-Cha doesn’t always appreciate and always goes with for missions because he genuinely enjoys their work, doesn’t understand why Hazel’s daemon would rather stay behind.

Grace: yes I understand that Grace is a robot and no that’s not going to stop me from saying that Reginald gave her a mechanical clockwork butterfly daemon because I say so and because I think his daemon would have insisted that it’s far too creepy to look and see a human without a daemon and he’s trying to make her as realistic as possible, right? The butterfly is technically an extension of Grace, however Reginald never gave her daemon a voicebox because he deemed it unnecessary. He usually just sits on Grace’s shoulder slowly opening and closing his wings. A plot point is Grace finally naming her daemon for herself because Reginald never bothered with a name for him either.

The Handler: The Handler doesn’t have a daemon. Five asks her where her daemon is in the flashback scene where she recruits him and she laughs and tells him that that’s a rude question and never answers him. The daemon never shows up and other people and their daemons are noticeably unsettled by this. Five’s daemon genuinely is frightened by the Handler and tends to hide behind him, which the Handler comments upon with a saccharine smile. They never do figure out what happened to her daemon (though one of the office workers shares a rumor with Five that the Handler killed her own daemon for questioning the commission).

Patch: a terrier! My heart says border terrier so that’s what I’m going with. Dogged and unwilling to let go when she feels like she’s on the scent of something, she’s a good police officer even if she has torn loyalty to Diego as well. He’s a hardy little thing and he encourages her to bend the rules so much so that it used to be a running joke that her daemon might as well be Diego’s. Her daemon doesn’t bother with the hostilities and is always pleased to see Diego’s daemon. For the most part they just watch their idiot humans snipe at one another and are content to chill until Patch makes Diego leave. Their daemons always cheerfully say bye to each other and that they’ll see the other again soon even

Dave: my heart says also a dog. Probably a farm dog. Australian Cattle Dog, maybe? because my heart also says that Dave was probably raised as a good honest farm boy or at the VERY LEAST his grandparents had a farm he spent his summers on as a child. Very loyal. She absolutely adores Klaus and his daemon and Klaus’s daemon curled up with her constantly. Touching another person’s daemon is a social booboo but out there in Vietnam both daemons saved the other’s human at least once. Dave’s daemon pretends that she’s more sensible than him and often would complain at Klaus’s daemon that the sexual tension was genuinely killing her and if they kept gazing into one another’s eyes on the disco floor she was gonna barf. Klaus’s daemon would just roll their eyes because it’s not like they as daemons weren’t all touchy feely. Klaus’s daemon could be constantly seen grooming Dave’s with their little cat sandpaper tongue and Dave’s daemon constantly rested her head on Klaus’s to go to sleep sO. The scene where Dave dies is doubly sad because you see her turning into dust as Klaus’s daemon howls.

Agnes: almost forgot Agnes whoops. But I choose… a canary! Why? Because they’re bright and pretty and sing nicely and she would forever be explaining that yes, her daemon is a canary but it isn’t a domestic canary so that’s why he has brown on him and isn’t pure yellow. That and I think it would be sort of cute if Hazel’s attention was caught by pretty birdsong initially so a songbird it is. Agnes’s daemon, when her and Hazel are together, likes to snuggle down into Hazel’s daemon’s fur and make a small attempt to preen her even though she’s like a million times his size. He’s absolutely fearless and doesn’t hesitate at Hazel’s large daemon like a lot of small daemons do which endears him to the assassin duo. Like genuinely I picked canary on an absolute whim but that same goes for most of these and no one can stop me.

is that everyone?? i think that’s everyone

EDIT: I FORGOT LEONARD which goes to show how much i repress his existence

Leonard: a great skua. Am I basing this on the fact that I wanted his daemon to be a bird for plot reasons and the first mean bird I could think of was that one dude who wanted to eat baby Mumble in Happy Feet? maybe. But yeah a generally normal looking bird with the capacity for great violence there we go that’s my reasoning thank you and good night. His daemon is unsettling to literally everyone except Vanya probably tbh and Vanya calls Allison out on daemon stereotyping because Allison has a SNAKE she should be BETTER THAN THAT. But yeah that’s all I got for tonight thanks for reading lads.

[antis-delete-your-blogs-pls-thx]

Mouse’s Reclist (#1/?)

Okay, it is time. Time to get working on the incredibly frustrating (but rewarding) task of putting together a fic reclist (the EDM one is next). No, none of my own are going to be on here, I literally know antis would accuse me of doing that for clout. If you want my own fics, DM me :). They probably suck, most of them are really self-indulgent, and I have an update schedule that embodies the slow feeling of trying to download free porn from a dial-up connection in 1997. And your mother is picking up the phone when you’re at the last megabyte and makes you start over. Or something.

I’m going to put a hotlink on the title and probably the author, if that’ll work super easy in a format transfer. Then I’ll post the fandom, pairing, and fic summary in italics, and uh, possibly a small review with some warnings. Keep in mind I can’t be as thorough as the authors themselves, if they’ve chosen to tag at all, because while I do reread these often, I can’t remember every exact trigger. Some of these are fluffy, and some of these are FUCKED UP. Capital F, capital U. Let’s get started. Not organised by fandom or by alphabetical order or by length because my ADHD just says “ONTO THE NEXT LINK GOGOGOGOGOGO” every five seconds. Google docs,,,, stop yelling at my grammar and let me do this thing. There should be about 30 or so under the cut. (Maybe I’ll do more?)

Obviously the first is Three Missing Girls in Madison, Wisconsin by lapsi. This is the Mindhunter Bill/Holden rec that I posted, like, four days ago, and what inspired me to post my own little oneshot drabble. You can check for that in my recs tag for a more detailed description. Let’s just say it’s fucking gorgeous. Everything by lapsi is gorgeous.

Revalations by Anonymous - MCU/Starker/WIP - “I still don’t get it,” Ned says. “How you just... keep being ordinary in spite of all the craziness you’ve lived through. You were in space. You helped Iron Man save the universe. And nobody knows it was you.” His tone softens, becomes almost sad. As though he realizes that what he’s saying is so completely alien to him that he will never be able to understand this part of Peter’s life. “Peter, don’t you want people to know you for who you are?”//An AU where they get the Gauntlet off of Thanos that first time, on Titan. - This is a sort of supremely fucked up but also absolutely beautiful Starker fic with aged up!Peter. By, like, three years, and he’s still essentially Tony’s sugar baby, but whatever. It’s literally an absolute amazing ride.

the spaces between the stars by indigostohelit - Generation Kill/Bradnate - Lieutenant Nathaniel Fick of the USS Devil Dog is returning to Earth with the weight of the world on his shoulders: his captain is incompetent, his crew is half in mutiny, and the mission to a distant star may have been more of a failure than anyone could have comprehended. But on the journey back, something in the ship goes terribly wrong—and Nate may have to bear far more than the weight of the world if he's going to keep his men safe. - Okay, what fandom ancients still remember Generation Kill? Warnings in and of itself for just the general nature of camaraderie on that show. I’m usually a Bradray sucker (remind me to get to those next time), but this was fucking fantastic. Sci-fi mystery AU is my absolute FAVOURITE genre, hands down, all time, ever. And indigo has written a veritable basketload of my fav fics besides, so I can always trust in them.

All of Astolat’s MegOp fic - Transformers/MegOp - ‘Nuff said. She’s the founder of the goddamn site. You’re damn straight I’m going to fawn over her fic. Also it’s fucking good, founding the site aside. I cried. I cried so fucking much. I dripped tears like a sponge.

The White Road by perverse_idyll - Harry Potter/Snarry - One day, comfortably set up in the afterlife, Lily Evans Potter switches on the telly and gets hooked on the Harry Potter show. - Okay, first, this is the only time I’ve literally ever seen one-sided Snily where Lily was the one pining. Anyway, the summary explains the premise, but doesn’t do it justice. Lily watches down on the many possible universes that contain her son’s future from a comfy spot in the afterlife. The relationship between literally everyone in the fic and Severus is… exquisitely-detailed and heart-wrenchingly painful. I’d die for this fic, so I could read a million versions of it in the afterlife.

Rapture by mia_ugly - Harry Potter/Snarry - Snape sees the man, for the first time, on his twenty-fifth birthday. - I fucking bawled my eyes out the first time I read this. And the second. And the third. Dumbledore gives Harry a time-travelling watch for his birthday. A watch that travels to a young Severus, who Harry gets to know. On a pretense, of course. And then he falls in love with him. They both do. It’s absolutely agonising angst, but it has a happy ending. It will fucking pack a punch though, so get the tissues ready. This one is perhaps my favourite Snarry fic of all time. Period. Please don’t pass it up. The writing is so fucking amazingly-crafted. I would sell my soul to write like this.

Shell Game by forthegreatergood - DCU/Superbat - Batman wants Superman. Superman wants Batman. Eventually they'll get it sorted out. - An absolutely spot-on identity porn fic. As cheesy as the summary sounds, this fic hits hard. And it has sex pollen. Who can resist sex pollen? Pun intended, maybe.

Every Superbat fic by Susiecarter. - DCU/Superbat - Susie is a friend of mine (fucking,,, don’t know how I managed that one, apparently I write good enough fic for them to read,,, astonishing), and one of Superbat fandom’s greatest contributors. One of DCEU fandom’s greatest contributors, in fact. Everything they’ve written is a masterpiece. But the ultimate fav? as to which may be the true. Hands down. IDENTITY PORN GALORE.

The Long Hangover by CoffioCake - DCU/Superbat - Clark knows he should take a break: His powers are on the fritz, he feels like shit, and Batman’s treating him like a liability. But Gotham's villains seem to have it in for Metropolis' Big Blue Boy Scout and Clark won't just wait around for answers. Batman might be the world’s greatest detective, but Clark Kent is one of the Daily Planet’s most tenacious reporters.//This is definitely a job for Superman. - Okay, I can’t promise another Superbat won’t show up on this list. I’m a sucker for it. I’m also a sucker for case fic. Which is this. It’s so good. So good.

No Glory (and everything else in the HP fandom) by ObsidianPen - Harry Potter/Tomarry/WIP - The Dark Lord divines what Harry Potter is in the Forbidden Forest, and revelations lead to incomprehensible consequences. Lord Voldemort has won... and the dystopia is damning.//A tale of a fallen hero, dark desires, and a Dark Lord's obsession with something he has lost and finds himself unwillingly lusting after: a soul. - This is a Voldemort wins!AU. A fucking delicious one. If only my own Tomarry could aspire, by god. The imagery in this is so vivid I could swear it was painted on my eyelids. The concept of soul magic and interpretations on Horcruxes is unique and perfectly-executed. Honestly, everything Obsidian has ever written for HP is perfectly-executed. I would probably consider this the definitive Tomarry/Harrymort fic. Seriously.

It Cages a Demon by TripleX_Tyrant - Rick & Morty/C137cest/WIP - When Rick captures a powerful being from a demonic dimension - a demon with the ability to devour thoughts - Morty's consciousness is pulled into the demon's cage. Rick must go in after him before Morty's consciousness is completely consumed. But this isn't what the inside of the cage should look like. And if Rick wants to save Morty, he'll have to survive in a place where paths are unclear and monsters manifest.//Rick knew his own mind was complex. But he wasn't ready for this. - A goddamn Silent Hill-style horror mystery AU??????? FOR RICKMORTY? Yep, you heard me. And every second of it is liquid gold. It’s also gory as all fuck and pants-shittingly terrifying at times, so read at your own risk. But if you can risk it, please do. It’s honestly the best execution of C137cest I’ve seen outside of Harmon’s own damn writing lmao.

The Book of Secrets by Are - Downton Abbey/Thommy - With a war of words and wills, Jimmy Kent and Thomas Barrow embark on a strange romance. Set Post Christmas Special. - Thommy is another rare-ish (now, post-2016) pairing that I would die for. And everything Are has ever written for the pairing could kill me and I would thank it. But TBS is the best. Jimmy finds Thomas’ diary (and poetry book), which was also the diary (and sketchbook) of Courtenay before his passing, and learns more about his past and his innermost thoughts. It’s the most haunting, heartbreaking, poignant fic in the pairing. It ends well, but the journey you’ll take from the first chapter is one I would pay money to experience for the first time again. I literally couldn’t even breathe for a while after this. Lapsi’s fic has the same effect, so if you’ve worked through that one by now, be prepared.

Mad Man by griseldajane - MCU/Thorki - In all the years they spent together, it never occurred to Loki that there might be a time when Thor would not be available to him. The god of mischief conceals himself, coming and going as he pleases, doing what he wants.//That Thor might one day do the same never crossed his mind. - All the mindfuckery a Convinced-You-Were-in-an-Insane-Asylum-the-Whole-Time!fic entails and more. If you have issues with dissociating from reality, this is probably a bit much, because it absolutely nails everything about derealisation, delusional thinking, and paranoia. GOD, if you’re willing to let your mind take that battering, though, it’s a damn work of art.

Switch by Ceres_Libera - Star Trek/McKirk - The life and times of Leonard H. McCoy MD/PhD … If Leonard McCoy's life could get any fucking weirder, it would be … Jesus, he didn't even want to think what that could possibly mean, because it's already been too fucking weird to make any kind of rational sense.//A Starfleet Academy story, set in the ST:XI universe. - The ultimate McKirk fic imho. We’ll get to my ultimate Spirk fic in a second. Please do read this. It’s everything you could want out of an Academy!fic. Especially a roommates/UST!fic. 

Black Mirror by DarthNickels - Star Wars/Gen - The Ghost crew returns to the Lothal when they hear the Empire is investigating the Jedi Temple there. They learn Vader is alone and decide to take him out-- but what they find could change the course of Galactic history. - What, you think I don’t read Gen? I read Gen!!!! Look at all this Gen I read. Put simply, Dad!Vader redemption arc set in the Rebels era. FUCKING,,, what more could I ask for,,, literally. What more?????????? Sci-fi mystery??? ASKING FOR MORE WHOMMMMMST’VE????

The Lotus Eaters by aldora89 - Star Trek/Spirk - Stranded on the planet Sigma Nox while searching for a missing away team, Spock and Kirk find themselves pitted against a disturbing native life form. With the captain out of commission on a regular basis and Spock struggling to preserve his stoicism, staying alive is difficult enough – but when a slim chance for escape surfaces, their resolve is truly put to the test. Together they must fight for survival in the heart of an alien jungle, and in the process, uncover the mystery of the planet’s past. Slow build K/S. - Here’s that aforementioned ultimate Spirk fic. Okay, what, it’s sci-fi mystery again. Give me a break. You just heard how much I would absolutely die for it. Seriously, there is no Spirk fic I adore more than this. I mean, I adore an absolute shittonne of Spirk fics, but this one is my raison d’etre.

In Good Company by weialala - Naruto/Sasunaru - This will sound a little ridiculous, no matter how Sasuke phrases it. I see dead people is embarrassingly tacky, and I'm half-spirit seems like something Sakura might say when she's stoned sky high. So he settles for a shrug. - Sasuke sees dead people. Sasuke bonds with the goddamn fae. Kuchiyose no Jutsu taken to the fucking max. An epic that does what The Last pretty much couldn’t. Shippuden who???

The Boy Who Died A Lot by starcrossedgirl - Harry Potter/Snarry - Harry’s always been known as The Boy Who Lived. Only Severus knows that this is a lie. (Or: a portrait of Severus Snape, in seven acts.) - Oh, there’s Snarry again. Bite me. This is my second (third? Tied with the White Road?) favourite Snarry fic. Time travel, almost Groundhog Day style. Severus has to go back and fix every mistake Harry makes that leads to his untimely death throughout the seven books. I honestly could believe this is what really happened, and we just don’t know otherwise because Rowling hasn’t deigned to make this shit up and put a woke spin on it yet.

Kisses Cursed by The_Fictionist - Harry Potter/Tomarry - Fairytale AU. Loosely inspired by Beauty and the Beast.//Some said he was once a man, cursed, and some that he sold his soul to demons and became one in turn. Others said that such evil as he could never have been human. That he was instead a nightmare, left lingering upon the earth a very long time ago.//Harry just knew it wasn't safe to walk near the Riddle House after dark. - Not just a fairytale AU, but a MYSTERY(!!!!) fairytale!AU. Okay, who’s gotten that I love mystery by now? This one is amazing, no matter how many puzzle pieces have slotted into place. The ride is a wild one and a great one. My second favourite Tomarry fic. I’d rank more of The_Fictionist’s higher, but they’ve deleted a lot of their old stuff, despite me absolutely adoring it.

United States v. Barnes, 617 F. Supp. 2d 143 (D.D.C. 2015) by fallingvoices & radialarch - MCU/Stucky - The Associated Press @AP//Winter Soldier set to stand trial for Washington D.C. massacre and treason apne.ws/1og6SWE - Both an epistolary/media fic and a case fic? Sign me tf up. Came out mere seconds (I exaggerate a little) after TWS, which I instantly fell in love with in theatres (still my fav MCU movie, folks). Details what a trial would be like for James Buchanan Barnes, should the MCU function more like real life, all in newspaper/tweet/blog form. Best way I’ve seen epistolary!fic formatted, tbh. Only on the AO3, huh?

The Mirror by cloudyjenn - Supernatural/Destiel - When Dean touches a strange mirror, he's whisked away to one alternate reality after another and it doesn't take him long to realize the universe is trying to tell him something. - I love dimension hopping. And it’s for my first ever hardcore fandom (besides Pokemon), too! I usually see dimension hopping more in sci-fi and superhero fandoms, so it was nice to see it in fantasy, too. A million alternate dimensions where Dean and Cas are in love. It’s definitely a message. :eyes emoji:

Stay With Me (home is where your mind is.) by sara_holmes - Marvel/Stony - Where Steve doesn’t quite die, ends up stranded in the multiverse and would quite like to know how the hell so many versions of himself ended up sleeping with Tony Stark. Well, that’s going to make things a tad awkward when he gets home. - Speaking of dimension hopping in superhero fandoms. This is honestly the most interesting way I’ve seen dimension hopping played out. Or rather, dimension consolidating. Steve ends up in a purgatory-style void populated only by other versions of himself from throughout the Multiverse. Like the Mirror, there’s definitely a message being sent here about how many versions of him are doing the do with a certain genius playboy billionaire philanthropist. 

Thicker than Water by StarkatHeart - Marvel/Stony/Superfamily - Neither of them would admit it, but blood does count for something.//When Peter Parker discovers his biological father is actually none other than Tony Stark, it's not exactly news that's well received. By either party. But they're Avengers. They're teammates. They'll just have to work through it. ...Or maybe just ignore it. - On a completely different note from Starker, or not-so-different, depending on how depraved you like your fic to be flavoured, Peter as Tony’s biological son. This is pure Superfamily, not a hint of fucked up incest to be found. Though if anyone has any fucked up incest recs, I’m down to get my dirty paws on them.

the undiscovered country by indigostohelit - Shakespeare/Hamratio - It's 1959, and the mayor of Chicago is dead. - Remember how I said indigo had written some of my fav fics before? Yeah, 1950’s Americana!AU Hamlet, with added Hamratio. It is as good as it sounds.

All of astolat’s GoT and Thor works TBH. But please don’t pass up her Thorki, especially not Chaos War and Revelations. 

Reaching as I Fall by apokteino - Supernatural/Destiel - “Service to God was the meaning of existence; service to Michael is nothing but slavery.” Castiel is part of an underground network helping angels fall, in resistance to heaven. At the same time that a fallen angel by the name of Dean Winchester turns up, some of those in the network are murdered by Michael’s forces – there’s a spy. What does Dean have to do with it? Who is Dean? And why are they hunting him so fiercely?//A story about love, family, and choice. - Let me introduce you to my favourite AU concept from all of SPN fandom. No, I won’t spoil it. Needless to say, I’ve tried to write it myself a thousand times, and only succeeded in a thousand false starts. Maybe one day I’ll get around to it. Plus, I always disagree with these authors, anyway. Dean is totally a bottom. ;P

I Got a Soul but I’m Not a Soldier by starandrea - Supernatural/Destiel - AU: Castiel is on the road (saving people, helping things) when he meets Dean and realizes that his soul is different - and not just because he's the pastor's son. - Here it is again, my favourite trope (well, I’d call it a trope, if there were more than a dozen or so fics for it). If you haven’t read RAIF, I’m wondering if you’ve caught on yet. ;P.

Chosen Man by Sineala - The Eagle/Marcus x Esca - The son of the man who lost the Eagle of the Ninth would never be allowed a first command of his very own fort, would he?//Marcus is posted not to Isca Dumnoniorum, but to a wretched and run-down garrison north of the Wall. There he finds that he is the new centurion of a group of scouts and spies, all of them British. He has few supplies and no experience. His men distrust him. His superiors despise him. His second-in-command is an incompetent drunkard. And the local tribes are determined to kill all of them.//But the worst thing of all is one of Marcus' soldiers. He is an enigmatic, dangerous, and insubordinate man by the name of Esca, who makes Marcus yearn for terrifying things he has never before wanted and can never, ever let himself have… - Sine pretty much engineered the Eagle fandom. 

I followed them from the Eagle and into all their other ventures, too, and when they started writing for Stony I practically screamed in excitement. PLEASE read their Stony, if it’s the only Stony you ever read.

The Leonardo Effect by Phoenike - Assassin’s Creed/EzioLeo - To Ezio’s best knowledge, Leonardo's idea of debauchery was staying up until morning with a bottle of wine and too many sketching supplies. But why would the gondolier have lied? It was a heavy accusation. In both Firenze and Venezia, mere allegations of unnatural conduct had condemned men to be pilloried or hanged. - My favourite EzioLeo fic of all time. Everything Phoe has ever written is a gem, but this one takes the cake. Have I said that already? A lot of cake is being taken. Please read. It’s the epitome of what makes EzioLeo good.

Naked to Mine Enemies by mundungus42 - Pirates of the Caribbean/Sparrington - The Pirate Code doesn't expressly command its adherents to repay debts that bridge life and death, but the Code is more of a set of guidelines, anyway. Sparrow/Norrington, set after At World's End, ignores all films released thereafter. - A classic fic for a classic ship. My ship pun both is and isn’t intended. I’d read this one over and over. Okay, I already do. Whenever I go back to Sparrington, I go back to this.

The Persistence of Iron by Sylvia - Marvel/X-Men Cinematic Universe/Cherik - Waking up in a lab with no memories and a blue-eyed stranger calling him by someone else's name is only the beginning of Erik's problems.- Sci-fi mystery. You don’t need to ask me to clarify at this point, do you? Cloning tech? CLONING TECH? DE-AGING CLONING TECH? So many favourite tropes.

Take the Heat Out of Me by quipquipquip - DCU/Jaydick - Lost Days!Jason trolls Officer Grayson!Dick in Blüdhaven. Dick counter-trolls with the power of love. (It's super effective.) - A classic Jaydick fic. I think it was quip’s last foray into fic. Under that name, at least. What a bang to go out with.

Don’t Quote Me by TKodami - DCU/Superbat/WIP - Bruce Wayne has weathered scandal before, and Wayne Enterprises can handle another publicity crisis. What Bruce can’t handle is one crashing up against his plans to infiltrate Lex’s estate. Set during Batman v. Superman. - There’s that more Superbat. I’m sure… one day… the author will finish it. It’s a goddamn sex tape scandal!fic. Glorious.

Speaking of, every Superbat fic by Liodain. 

In This White Wave I Am Sinking by queeniegalore - Generation Kill/Bradray - He felt like he wasn’t really living, like he was in an in-between state, something that came between war and real life, something like purgatory. - The atmosphere for this is consistently beautiful and bittersweet. 

Okay, that’s about it for now. Save for an honourable mention to one of the fics that I started off with in the SPN fandom. I’d honour some more, but most everything’s been purged at this point. Come on, 2012!fandom, stop hiding behind how “cringe” you think shit was. I want my fic back.

Pull Me Under by AwesomeDistractions -- a Destiel handprint!kink WIP.

And finally, the most honourable mention, the first slash fic I ever read, from the Pokemon fandom, of all places. Originalshipping horror/mystery!AU. Wow, my tastes have always been, well, my tastes. Believe it or not, best place I can find it is a Waybackmachine archive of a creepypasta uploading site that went defunct a while back. I never found out the original author. But here it is, Missing, the first ever slash fic I stumbled across.

If you guys want more, I can definitely provide more. I have thousands of bookmarks. These are just my very, very favourites. What ones are still remaining on AO3, anyway. This is why I save most in PDFs. Though there are a few completely lost to time, and I’m pretty sure the OTW says fuck you to Waybackmachine, which. Uhghgh. Please. I want my nostalgia rush back.

[geminijackdaw]

Fanfic Author Asks

Tagged by @bereft-of-frogs​! 

I... have a really hard time being positive about my own writing, but I tried OTL 

Author Name: I’m KiwiMeringue pretty much everywhere! I might change it to this one sometime? But I’ve changed it before and I don’t want to keep like, switching all the time OTL I should probably just have called it like KiwiWrites or something, but the thing about this username is I just thought it was cute and unintentionally led a bunch of people to assume I was from New Zealand which is patently false advertising and very disappointing when it turns out I’m Canadian xD; 

Fandoms you Write for: I’ve got stories published for the MCU, and Naruto!  Uhhh I’m blanking on things I’m famiiliar enough with to write for but there are a bunch? Critical role, the adventure zone, Good omens, netflix she-ra., maybe? Homestuck, but more @mr-alice and I’s fantrolls and kids, who still have a huge place in my heart, more than canon.  

Where you post: I’m kiwimeringue on AO3 and FF.net, and then any like small prompt fills I’d probably leave here, 

Most Popular One-shot: Hands down, it’s Therapy Dog.  In which a young Hatake Kakashi deals with grief, survivor’s guilt, or PTSD by acquiring an irresponsible number of dogs. (Disclaimer: this does not work irl if you’re not a magic dog whisperer with a large property out of town) 

Favourite Story You Wrote:  This is as far as I got and this has been sitting in my drafts for days because I really, really struggle with this. I have a hard time being proud of anything I write. I guess it’s Therapy dog, becuase it’s definitely the one that’s resonated best with people, and probably my best example of “Look, I wrote a fanfic!” without having to qualify it with a bunch of asterisks. 

I have given myself a self-imposed deadline of from October 1st to halloween to finish a prompt that I got from @portraitoftheoddity​ in her discord server, (it’s not SUPER spooky, but it’s tenuously thematically appropriate enough that I’m making it my project for the month xD) if I can pull this off, it will be this one. It should be fun. 

Story You Were Nervous to Post: ALL OF THEM. Time I had some Time Alone (TIHSTA) is like a self-indulgent au of a self indulgent au, and I;m amazed anyone enjoyed it xD It got more of a response that Undying Fidelity (UF), the fic from which is is derived, did, for a while, which surprised me. I sort of what to qualify that I started this before I found the incredible corner of the MCU writer’s fandom that I currently frequent, so uh... this is very much Disney Grandmaster. This is Jeff Goldblum in space. Which is what I’m comfortable writing, but feels really pale and inconsequential in contrast to the horrifically vivid and rich dark carnival of twisted Grandmaster fan content that exists, like welcome to fucking weenie hut Jr’s, population: me. 

How Do You Pick Your Titles: With great difficulty and much waffling! Kintsugi is named for thematic relevance that... I haven’t actually gotten to yet but it’s about to become stupid literal anyone who read version 1.0 knows how I mean this. But the idea of things history, and damage being inextricably linked to them, but that the thing can go on anyway, changed but not ruined, there’s recurring imagery and points of fault lines, places where things have been weakened, but that these are important and necessary. 

I don’t feel like I have to explain Therapy Dog xD it’s about coping with grief... with dogs. 

Undying Fidelity is like, painfully obvious, but it’s what I had started calling it, and it just. stuck. Obviously from Loki’s like... second last line in IW, and Sigyn’s title in the Marvel Comics. I’m kind of wishing I’d chosen something else, because there are definitely other fics with the same title, and it’s the name of a song from the IW soundtrack that is... less than fun. For obvious reason. I mean it’s perfect for what it was used for, but it’s not a “ahhh gonna pop this one on for a listen” kind of piece. I still can’t think of anything better, though we’re kind of in a weird place because I don’t quite have all the cards on the table, yet. On Loki’s end though,I’m hoping that I’ve sufficiently established this like... tenuous vestigial little flicker of affection that he’s been able to more or less ignore, but that simply would not go out, despite how much easier that would have been, that’s been given a little room to breathe now. (I could definitely go on trying to justify this for paragraphs, so I’ll stop now xD). Thematic chapter naming is another thing I love to inflict on myself and I always regret it, though I love it so much when other people do it, ahhh. UF’s chapters are all named after cards of the Major Arcana in the Tarot. I’m going to get to one eventually and you’re all going to see why I did this, and you’re all going to hate me and I deserve it xD 

Time I Had Some Time Alone is the thing that’s repeated at the end of REM’s :”It’s the end of the world as we know it” and does sort of describe our reluctant hero’s state at the beginning xD Thriving in his completely self centered backstabbing Littlefinger party hellscape. (I went off on a huge tangent here that I have removed, I may make it its own post). Anyway, more thematic chapter naming, everything’s based on some apocalyptic or post-apocalyptic story. So 21 Days later (since for Loki it felt like three weeks) instead of 28, and chapter two is now titled “beyond thunderdome” because of course it is. (it was “the man come around” for like, THE ARRIVAL OF DEATH  but that uh... that’s going to be a later chapter now). 

Fic-in-planning stages will be called some variant of “Again, from the Top”? Take it from the top? ugh I’m trying to evoke like... redoing a scene. 

There was also Errant, my NaNoWriMo story from like 2012 or something? xD It was about a bunch of idiots that were basically an RPG party in a shitty High fantasy bullshit setting. So like, as in, “a knight errant” wandering in search of adventure, but also in the sense of like like... they’re a bunch of dumbasses making mistakes. 

Do you Outline: Yes! I definitely need to be more organized about it because my outlines are like these stupid irreverent event sequences that involve me remembering nuance way too well. Like for Kintsugi especially I’m scared I’ll have forgotten important minutia that I didn’t bother including becauyse oh pfft, of course I’ll remember that. And then I ...dont. My initial outlines for UF were an excel spreadsheet with scenes in various tiem periods that I dragged and dropped all over the place xD It was SUPPOSED to be thematically relevant paired scenes, with one part of each chapter being zset in the past and one half on the statesman and it just... did not work out that way. 

How Many of Your Stories are complete: One! And it’s the one-shot! FML!

In-Progress:  Undying Fidelity: Currently working on chapter 10 out of 22 TIHSTA: 2 out of... probably 4+ epilogue? Kintsugi: 13/Mayyybe like 30 something?

Coming Soon: From the Top is in its planning stages~! 

Do You Accept Prompts: Absolutely! I can’t guarantee that a prompt is going to like... spark writing? in me? But I’m always open to the idea. And that doesn’t mean that an idea is bad or anything! Just like, can I, personally, take this idea and run with it somewhere. 

Upcoming Story You’re the Most Excited For: Probably from the top, though I am two chapters out from part of of UF I am reeeeeally looking forward to writing :D 

Tag Five Fanfic Authors to Answer These Questions: I don’t know who’s been tagged already, I’m so bad at this, so uhh~ If you have been already, or if you just don’t feel like it, please disregard this! And if I don’t tag you but you feel like it, go for it!  @teleris-night @malicemanaged @cosmicmewtwo @not-so-terrible and @ramblingredrose 

[harrybridgers]

Writing Self Evaluation 2018

i genuinely can’t believe it’s been another year and its time for another one of these things,,,,,,wth,,,,thanks so much to @pattern-pals and @iamasphodelknox​ for tagging me!! 

All answers should be about works published in 2018. (Skip any questions you don’t want to answer, but please leave them on the list so that others can answer them if they want.)

1. Number of stories (including drabbles) posted to AO3: five

2. Word count posted for the year: 185,552 (!!!!!!!!)

3. List of works published this year:

purple rain

dissolve

when the city shines (like the sun at night)

moon river

shelter as we go

4. Fandoms I wrote for: one direction

5. Pairings: larry + zarry

6. Story with the most…

Kudos / Bookmarks: when the city shines

Comments: when the city shines/shelter as we go

7. Work I’m most proud of (and why): 

100% shelter as we go. that thing took me over a year to plan and write and i genuinely think it’s the peak of my writing in this fandom so far. it’s also filled me with the confidence to continue writing stories in that style and really just fucking go for it in terms of tackling big themes and things i’ve been apprehensive about touching before. i’m so proud of the characters and the setting and the story - it feels like a real milestone for me! honourable mention to dissolve, too, i love that fic with all my heart, it’s such a treasure and i can’t wait to work on more zarry fic in future. 

8. Work I’m least proud of (and why): 

when the city shines. i genuinely would delete it if it wasn’t so popular...ugh. looking back and reading over it, it just doesn’t feel like me. i still like it and i’m glad others have loved it, it just sticks out like a store thumb amongst everything else i’ve posted in terms of the quality. 

9. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

oooh no this is hard.....here have a few because i’m indecisive 

from dissolve:

“I don’t want to go to New York,” Harry said. “I hate it there. I want to go with you.”

“We can go another time,” Zayn said. “We can go whenever you like.”

“Right now?” Harry said, so softly. He finally looked over, and the vulnerability there was a kick to Zayn’s chest, made him reach out without thinking, to press a warm kiss to Harry’s forehead in a way he hadn’t before, cupping his cheeks in his palms and just kissing him there over and over, down along his brows and his temples and along his chin, tasting the salt of tears, his heart threatening to break through his ribs.

“I’ve already booked the flights,” Zayn said, lips pressed to Harry’s warm cheek. “We’ll stay at the Ritz. We’ll cruise on the Seine and I’ll take pictures of you on film and I’ll get them developed right there in Paris. We can pin them up on the windows and smoke on the balcony and I’ll get up before sunrise to bring you fresh croissants for breakfast. I’ll wake you up with my mouth on your cock–”

“Perfect,” Harry said, breathless as he laughed and cried all at once.

“We’ll walk around for so long that everybody forgets who we are. We’ll walk around for so long we forget ourselves. Just a little couple walking around in a big city. I’ll write our names on a lock and pin it to that bridge. I’d swallow the fucking key if you asked me to, Harry.”

He didn’t know what he was saying, just that he couldn’t stop, that he felt frantic and light-headed and flushed with heat from the tips of his fingers to the tips of his toes, and Harry was staring at him with this look in his eyes. Zayn brushed away another stray tear and tried not to shake, tried not to think about the way he’d just called them a couple, the way Harry kept staring.

They weren’t a couple. They were friends. They were friends who kissed and fucked and fucked each other up.

-

“I’m so sorry,” Harry says, and his voice hiccups, fingers wrung together. “There’s no way I could ever understand what you went through, because I never even asked. There’s no excuses for anything. I can only say that I’m sorry. Sorry that I didn’t ask you if you were okay as often as I should have, sorry that I just let you drift away without holding on. I’m sorry I never said anything until it was too late. I was selfish, and I loved you, and I didn’t want you to leave me behind.”

“Harry, stop,” Zayn chokes out. He can’t look, can hardly breathe. I loved you. I loved you. I loved you.

“No,” Harry says, chin lifted. “You have to know, because I didn’t tell you back then and it ruined everything. This is me trying to fix it.”

“It can’t be fixed.”

“Then we throw it away and start again,” Harry says fiercely, eyes shining. “I’d throw everything out the fucking window if it meant I could touch you one more time.”

from shelter as we go:

It’s sterile and cold inside. When he flicks on the light, he freezes.

There’s a mirror hanging above the old basin, and he catches sight of himself before he can duck his eyes away to the faded shower curtain or the faded tiles, the faded bath-mat, the faded towels. He’s confronted instead with the faded image of a person he hardly knows anymore, that he hasn’t known for a very long time. There aren’t any mirrors in the other house, and he can’t remember the last time he saw himself in anything that wasn’t the disfiguring glaze of a window, some type of shaded reflection, but he’s faced with it now.

He lets the door fall shut behind him, then approaches the vanity slowly, regarding himself like a stranger.

The gauntness is what startles him most, the sharp hollows of his cheekbones, the tired, sunken circles beneath his eyes, the sickly shadows that cling to his jaw. There was a time, when he first shot up and started to grow, that he’d been broad and lanky. Now, his frame is slight, collar bones protruding, shoulders thin and sharper than he remembers. Everything about him seems frail, and he hates that, he hates it so much that his lips curl up when he stares at his reflection, at his greasy hair and the purple shadows, at the man he doesn’t recognize, a man who still feels like that boy who never got to grow up the right way, the boy who was tiny and clung to his mother’s fingers with a vice grip, the boy that suddenly wasn’t allowed to be a boy anymore.

-

“You’re good at that.”

Harry pauses, fingers still looped in the fine little string. When he glances over, Louis has shifted slightly onto his back, watching with hooded eyes.

“At what?” Harry says.

“Taking care of other people,” Louis says.

Harry holds his breath, and he doesn’t say anything in return, can’t. Instead, he pulls the blinds firmly closed and stares at the dusty pane, the way the lamp casts shadows, the dewy honey they’re stuck in.

“‘S funny,” Louis says, a breathless, broken chuckle. “When we do that, y’know, care so much about someone else that we stop giving a shit about ourselves.”

-

He sits forward and tucks his hands under his thighs, gaze lowered. “I feel like we all have this fire in our bellies when we’re kids, this passion to explore things and get obsessed with these fantastical ideas. And to keep carrying that fire, to cradle it and keep it from going out, it’s hard, y’know. And even if you keep it burning the candles got to melt away some time. Nobody ever shows you how to replace the wick.”

Harry thinks of his own little flame, snubbed out before he even got a chance to play with the fire. There’s something that makes him so inexplicably sad, picturing that puff of smoke, the moment it dawns that there’s nothing left to keep the chest warm. He can’t pinpoint it now, but it washes over him slowly, this realization that he couldn’t nurture that flame, that Louis did everything he could to try and keep his own alight. It feels like an ending point, this transcendence between the fuzzy innocence of everything childhood is supposed to be, and the strange, brutal truths that start to overlap into a life whenever the world deems it time.

-

“You have to understand,” Louis says, pulling back now, hands on Harry’s lapels. “Everything about this town exists in a time capsule. In one big cycle. Nothing changes. And the people that try and make changes, that start to drift out of this perfect circle that’s been made, there’s no room for them. I was one of those people, Harry. I still am, despite everything. I should have just stayed in my place.”

“That’s not fair,” Harry says, however naive it may be, however superfluous a thing it is to say. His own hands find Louis’ coat, the two of them holding on to each other. “You can’t blame yourself for that.”

“But I do,” Louis says, eyes shiny. “I always will.”

They stare wordlessly at each other. Cape Breton is waking behind them, the low curl of the swell flushing up the beach, children playing in the sand as they watch the silhouettes of the trawlers through the spring mist. All of that feels far away right now, every familiar thing Harry’s come to know about this place like a vague memory as he looks at the hurt in Louis’ eyes and feels this strange sense of understanding wash over him, that flush of anger and frustration fading to something he’s felt before but couldn’t put a finger on, that very first night at the bar, standing out in the cold snow and not being able to say a word.

-

and in lieu of spoiling things, for those who have read it, that entire last bar scene and confrontation between louis, sully, and fergus is hands down i think the best/my favourite thing i’ve ever written!!

10. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

oh there are always so many....i truly get the sweetest and most heartfelt comments, they make me cry. there are a few comments on shelter as we go in particular that touched my heart completely.....so thoughtful and lovely

11. A time when writing was really, really hard: 

i fell into the hardest funk for the first half of the year. i was indecisive and uninspired with literally everything i did, i had so many wips i wanted to tear my hair out omg. then in the second half of the year, i was finishing my uni degree and honestly....was just so depressed lmao. i was in a terrible creative cycle and never wanted to get out of bed. 2018 has been the toughest mentally for me, it took a lot to get over certain things, and forcing myself to believe in my ideas and get a long fic done was no easy feat. 

12. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you: 

both fergus and sully from shelter as we go - they feel so layered and real to me even though they don’t have much actual scene presence within the story itself. they just kind of feel omnipresent to me, and the parts they’re involved in are, to me, the most important and symbolic parts of the fic itself. i’ve fallen in love with writing original characters thanks to those two. 

as for a scene, it would have to be the bar fight, again from shelter as we go. i was unsure if i’d be able to pull that off in the way that i wanted it to feel, but i’m honestly so proud of that entire scene and everything that follows. 

13. How did you grow as a writer this year: 

i think i’ve found my place and style. obviously writing is always changing and you grow as you go, but i honestly feel like i’ve found this part of myself that is holistically who i want to be as a writer - i know what i want to say, what i want my work to feel like, what i want my characters to portray. writing and finishing shelter as we go opened up this whole new world of possibilities to me, as did writing dissolve. i just have so much passion inside me at the moment and i cannot wait to get through the wips i’ve got going. 

14. How do you hope to grow next year: 

the next larry wip i have is the most ambitious thing i’ve ever attempted, so i really hope i can grow in the same way i did with shelter as we go, bridging fanfiction with original fiction and just giving it my all!! and also to write more zarry because i feel like in that genre i have this whole new voice to explore 

15. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer: 

my harrie gc babies!!! particularly liz + nina......love all of u

16. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: 

not to be cliche but shelter as we go honestly became this like....physical embodiment of my mental state and just needing to get so much shit out of there. i always channel my personal feelings into my writing but that was a big one. 

17. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

don’t attempt to write four 50k+ wips all at the same time. just don’t do it. 0/10 would recommend. side affects include poor mental stability and constant rage at the google docs app. 

18. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting or finishing in the new year: 

my new larry wip.....shits gonna be wild. also zarry because i love the angst

19. Tag writers whose answers you’d like to read: 

im gonna taaaaaag @this-onegoes and @crossnecklace ily guys

[greythroat]

I was enabled so I'm posting some of my fave fic ideas I've come up with, all of these are Arknights (none of them are written except for Boy Meets Evil and I don't really plan to anytime soon so feel free to steal the other ones, I'd love to see what you do)

traincars (rosmiya)

Normal(ish) Terrans AU. War breaks out and Rosmiya ends up on a train fleeing away. Rosmiya typical bleak softness

school for good and evil au

Ever Amiya (may or may not be in the wrong school), Never Mephisto, enemies to friends but still destined to fight to the death, background Talina, feat. Tal breaking the curse on Evil and winning her story a year prior and Meph being her fanboy

surtr backstory

Surtr has less story than white bread but her files have some good imagery so why not expand on that? Kind of Surtr/all, feat. Ling, Pallas, Dusk and maybe others

badlands (utah au)

photographer mephisto working as a unit with journalist talulah meets painter ami. exposure and vulnerability despite distance. also it's winter. now i need to decide how dark this is gonna be bc there's a lot of cliffs to fall off of in utah

mephifaust aespa au (not rpf)

Very loosely inspired by Aespa lore. Very, very loosely. Criminal overlord x the soldier sent to kill him feat. identity issues (in this AU, ae is an alter ego everyone has based off of people’s impressions of you) and also Talulah appears briefly because I'm a loser and Meph is willingly supplanting his own personality with her ae. Anyway, Aespa was awesome at Coachella.

circus au

Everyone in Reunion except Talulah is a ghost and they work in this circus and Amiya goes there

alina and mephisto afterlife fic

deersapointment.jpg. Bad communication coupled with crushing grief and pain. Talulah's not here for once but she might as well be. This should be a fluffy wholesome concept but I had to. They don't hate each other or anything they just have a lot to talk about.

grave marker

Mandrake backstory concept. Separated from her abusive relationship by getting buried alive, survives by stealing from the graveyard she ends up in, hones her Arts, gets stalked by Leader, falls in love hate ???, me typical seething and tortured vibes

rosmiya future fic feat. meph and doc being questionable influences

A possible future (I say possible bc the ending could be way more sad) for EML where everyone is relatively stable. RI found the cure, Rosmiya is living a normal life with their adopted child, Doc and Meph who are both still at RI distributing the cure stop by (”you come into my home and live off my kindness AGAIN??”)

a hunter in scarlet

I don’t like how other people treat Red so I thought it’d be nice to write about her. Feat. Kal, Amiya, Suzuran, and the other Lupos.

flamew edge

This writes itself

a bunch of high school au ideas

I have a lot of ideas banging around for this AU that only make sense to me but I’ve been thinking a lot about writing a reincarnation AU of the AU. The kind of reincarnation AU where they don’t know from the start bc the angst and drama potential is fantastic. When your main concern was not killing your annoying AP Research partner but now it's LITERALLY not killing them

talulah + mephisto relationship study

Name stuff but more importantly villains who are found family. No I am not normal.

boy meets evil

Also a relationship study of Talulah and Mephisto but (even) more self indulgent. So Meph and Faust never meet and Koschei is a little more insidious with possessing Tal, so the curse is a bit more metaphorical and Tal stays herself. Multiple endings, tragedy, much toxicity and desperation

the sun that touches us

Same universe as above but there's no drama in this one. While Tal and Meph go through hell Faust is living his best life honestly. He and Firewatch are friends who run a Rhodes safehouse together. Place your bets on who is more weird and paranoid

as if it's your last

Meteorite and W high school AU. Crack pairing but feels interesting.

[haljathefangirlcat]

I wanna know #1, #14 and #24!

@enisyposts

1. favorite fic you wrote this year

You are not going to be surprised by this one ;)... but it's probably Petticoats. Ace Attorney, Manfred/Miles, forced feminization, the first fic I’ve ever felt the need to slap a nice Dead Dove tag on because it was just that unexpectedly dark and spicy and detailed and lingering for my standards. 

I tend to endlessly reread my own stories and, even when I am completely satisfied with them, to go “I could have expanded on this aspect; I could have gone in another direction with this idea or looked at it from another angle; I could have phrased this line a bit differently; I might reuse this concept because I probably didn’t use it to its full potential here/that particular itch doesn’t quite feel scratched yet; I might want to try this dynamic/imagery/line of thought again because I could have taken it further than that...” as I reread them. But with this one, I love the balance I managed to strike between letting it be as iddy and self-indulgent as I wanted it to be and curating the language and the imagery almost down to the very last detail, and how the progression of dark, angsty, squicky things feels so weirdly logical and natural while being really a grab-bag of things that made me go “oh, THAT is horrible!!” as I was writing them (the food thing and the language thing are so *inarticulate distressed fangirl noises* to me that I was almost a little disappointed no one pointed them out as particularly fucked-up in the comments, lol), and how unxpectedly easy and smooth I found writing from Manfred’s POV.

Thinking about it, tho, I think he that loves him (chastens him betimes) (Narumitsu, [sfw] spanking, hurt/comfort-of-sorts) and might be a need for love (better not say) (Mia/Miles/Phoenix, threesome, femdom, DP) might come fairly close and be currently my other faves when it comes to Ace Attorney. Objectively I don’t think they’re anywhere near as good as Petticoats, and for a while I’ve felt kind of embarrassed about the first one for a few reasons related to the fact I may still have some work to do to take the unironic “guilty” out of my guilty pleasures, as well as being been pretty damn critical of the second from pretty much the moment I started working on it for reasons ranging from “writing new things for the first time takes work!! but I want to be Good at them NOW!!!” perfectionism to “oh god oh god why am I writing something for the first time for my assignment in a fandom exchange, you can do that when you’re writing a treat because if the person who get it hates then it’s just whatever, they have their assigned gift anyway, but if you don’t know if they’re getting anything else, why tf would you do that??” anxiety, but lately I’ve reread both a couple of times and... you know what? I actually like them a lot. They have many Feels and a lot of other things I really, really enjoy.

... then, to name a lonely non-AA one, there’s also The (Willingly Sacrificed) Eye of the Heart (Of The Gallows' God) which was incredibly fun to write from start to finish. I really just let myself do whatever the hell I wanted with that one, even if I knew the result would makes sense exclusively to me and one (1) other person. The result in question being a Fusion!AU working entirely on Horrible Histories logic (Viking Eye For The Saxon Guy/We Sell Any Monks/that one gag with the Viking dude going to a modern hairdresser, precisely...) to put characters from Rhinegold & Attila’s Treasure by Stephan Grundy (my current fave adaptation of the Sigurd/Siegfried legend cycles) in the roles of the cast of Boris, possibly the best Italian comedy tv series ever (and built entirely on a merciless satire of Italian tv, comedic or otherwise). That was just such a wild ride. I really want to add to it and turn it into a full-blown fic series one day.

14. a fic you didn’t expect to write

... oh, shit, I think this miiiiight be a question I can actually answer by mentioning only one fic instead of getting carried away? Could it be...?!

Anyway, that would be Say you'll be my darlin'. Ace Attorney, Gumworth, (sfw) age regression. I have read maybe five things about age regression, and all of them were just fic -- nothing about rl experiences or professionals’ opinions on the topic or anything else. I definitely didn’t expect to see the kinkmeme prompt this story was inspired by, give a look to the ships the prompter had requested, and go “oh, I should do that.” And I didn’t really expect to actually go through with it, either. It took some courage (and a very nice conversation with a very cool friend) to finish it and to post it.

... oh, and also I would have never expected to write anything like things we won't talk about on our coffee break (Mozart L’Opéra Rock, Da Ponte/Stephanie plus other background ships, Modern!AU, crack) because I have read a few “that sounds wrong but I don’t know enough about BDSM-themed sex clubs to dispute it” stories when I was just starting out with kinky fic in English, but that was ages ago and I don’t even remember any specifics anymore. And I don’t think I’ve ever even read anything like that but mostly sfw/using the kink for humor rather than smut purposes, anyway. Really, I have no idea what came over me when the idea hit me like a freight train and demanded to be written, lol.

Uh. Challenge failed, I guess.

24. favorite fic you read this year

Okay, I actively refuse to pick just one here so you get a list where I try to limit myself as severely as possible:

and you're in love with all the wonder it brings by janie_tangerine: ASOIAF/GOT, Jaime/Brienne, American Gods!AU, hurt/comfort, nsfw. Brienne as Eros, Jaime as Psyche, and me weeping over the beautiful, clever, wonderfully on-point use of Plato’s Symposium while thirsting over an unusally morally amiguous Brienne and wanting to smother Jaime in the longest hug ever.

mais d'où vient l'émotion étrange by crowdedmasks: Mozart L’Opéra Rock, Mozart/Salieri, fluff, nsfw. A smutfic so tender and adorable, I actually panicked and closed it when someone walked into the room after years of calmly reading smut in front of my family. That praise kink, damn.

The Jurist Bond by shinigami_yumi: Ace Attorney, Narumitsu, “the Japanifornian legal system is even more fucked-up than in canon” AU, dubcon, kinky but mostly sfw, incomplete longifc. Currently my favorite AA fic. If the author ever came back to finish it, or even just to add another chapter, I would offer them my sword my bow my axe and my eternal loyalty. It’s so cute and hot and angsty and emotional and so creative and OH GOD THE TENSION AND I DON’T EVEN MEAN JUST THE UST.

Chess Club the Burgundian Way by etothey: Nibelungenlied, Hagen & Volker, HighSchool!AU, gen. The fic about Hagen’s first meeting with Volker that I never knew I needed in this specific form. The parallels to canon events and dynamics are all galaxy-brained and absolutely delightful, Hagen’s POV is amazing in all of its ruthless asshole charm, and I could totally see those two ending up ready to give their lives for each other -- or at least, help each other cheat in some important chess tournament.

Lokasenna by Kelaino: Norse mythology, Odin/Loki, dubcon, public humiliation, nsfw. A scorching-hot retelling of one of my favorite myths ever. I’d like to say something more about it but even just thinking about it breaks my brain and leaves me screaming my head off in a puddle of hormones.

Like a Dog in My Lap by madrastic: The Epic of Gilgamesh, Gilgamesh/Enkidu, nsfw. The language the research the characterization the language I just *screams*

House Potter for Children in Need by Ailec_12: Harry Potter, Severus & Lily & James, deaging, angst, hurt/comfort, gen with background her. Listen, I never expected I’d touch age regression in any significant way this year. But the “character who had a horrible childhood gets deaged due to weird magical shenanigans” trope? Paired with a “and they end up in the care of someone who’s a decent person but they have a fraught relationship with” bonus? Sign. Me. Up! I haven’t even actually been in the HP fandom in years and rarely read anything in it nowadays, but this fic just hits that particular spot -- by smashing it with a hammer in every single chapter. There is also a fat cat and I love her.

[stillness-in-green]

Yuletide (+Updates)

Hello again, my gracious, patient followers.  After my traditional year-end hiatus, I return with two IBO stories and a Ronin Warriors one, as well as some updates about what I’ll be working on again now that the holidays (and a New Year’s stomach bug) have finally released me from their clutches.

The Urgency of Care:  The long cough is one of those childhood diseases that everyone gets vaccinated for as a kid, but there are always people who slip through the cracks. Some of them are pretty bad at taking help when it's offered, too.

Some sickfic for Chad and Yamagi, also featuring Kudelia and Atra.  Post-canon, starring Chad’s persistent low self-esteem, Yamagi being prickly and also Very Tired, Kudelia wrangling politics in the background, and Atra doing her best.  

Hey, it turns out that when you fail to vaccinate a significant subsection of your population because they’re literally regarded as subhuman garbage, your planet is sometimes going to have crisis-level disease outbreaks.  Whoops!  I look at this as kind of the kick-to-the-ass Makanai needed to start seriously working with Kudelia on the Human Debris Abolishment Treaty.  

The World Takes:  Aston survives, and goes back home. Isurugi survives, and lands in military prison. Somewhere along the way their paths cross. That may be important, in the end.

This one is a bit of a weird one.  I love Isurugi, so I knew I wanted to write something for whoever requested him for Yuletide, but paralleling him with Aston...?  How to even approach that?  “Go really AU,” is the answer, it turns out.  I ended up kind of falling in love with this story as I wrote it, though.  

I think Aston and Takaki were about three significant conversations away from dating in the show, and they would have been great together, so getting to write that was a complete treat.  And I fell hard for the concept of Isurugi and Todo being Almiria’s right and left hands during my vaguely-conceived Almiria’s Adolescence Apocalypse timeline, so much so that I’m actually pretty frustrated that it can’t ever be canon!  

The Paperweight Problem: Talpa won, but no one wins forever.  Dais—abides.

Half-dreamed, half-real meetings between a dead man and one who is doing his best to stave off madness, trapped in a paralyzed body with an all-too-conscious mind.  

I love Dais, and I love the warlords’ implied backstory, so I was all down to write some Dais+Anubis, but what in God’s name was, as the requester’s letter put it, “the paperweight problem”?  Once I figured out what the letter was referring to, I basically couldn’t NOT write it.  This is heavy enough on imagery and feelings that I kind of think of it as less a fanfic of the show proper and more a transcription of one of those really wispy, ethereal doujinshi.  (I hope this description does not turn tag-surfers off completely--I promise Dais is still a sarcastic shithead!)

So that’s the new stuff.  If you’re just tag-surfing, or just want finished product, enjoy the assortment!  If you’re curious at all about what else I’m working on, hit the jump!

So, firstly, I’m trying to finish up the other half of that Odds-n-Ends post.  I have a few more chunks to write, and then the rest should be quite quick.  ETA: a week or less?  I would likewise love to get back to the pair of McGillis and Gaelio analysis essays I’ve been working on on and off, but those are much longer, so I don’t have much of a projected time for them.  Other perpetual essay topics include an overview of religion and spirituality in the setting, as well as a consideration of the shows’ female characters, their agency, and their treatment by the narrative (with a scathing comparison to Gundam Thunderbolt’s women, if my saltiness regarding the latter gets the better of me).

On a fanfic front, I have long been considering a several-part-installment series detailing how Chad and Yamagi get together, that would do some double-duty as tracking how Tekkadan gets from the climactic fight with Arianrhod to their relatively-comfortable-looking epilogue.  I think making that whole thing one story is far beyond my reach as a sporadic maker of content, but perhaps I’d do better by making it a series, in which I could jump around and change focus as the mood hit me?  We’ll see.  I also find I write a somewhat less poverty-stricken post-series Tekkadan than seems to be the norm, and it might be nice to lay out my timeline on that a little better.  

I also have two things from the Yuletide writing period that I’d kind of like to expand on.  

Firstly: I’ve always had two ideas for how Kudelia and Atra’s getting hitched came about, one pragmatic to a fault and the other far more romantic.  When my assignment hit my inbox with a request for fic about said marriage, I thought, “Oh, cool, I’ll use this as an excuse to write the big romantic wedding and save the more practical telling for that Chad/Yamagi series!”  A fine idea, right up until the story hit 6K with no end in sight, and I realized I was never going to finish it on time.  (The 8K sickfic would probably have been even longer if not for my blowing half the writing period on the wedding fic, yes.)

I still really like a lot of what I have, though, from its melting pot approach to marriage traditions to its navigation of some of the relationship problems lingering around Kudelia and Tekkadan.  It is, by nature, going to be half-fanfic and half-bullet point list, but I’d like to see if I can wrangle it into something presentable anyway.  

Secondly, that portion of the Aston+Isurugi story that concerns Isurugi’s time in prison being subjected to weird mad science experiments that leave him on the verge of a complete identity breakdown?  That is my JAM, total id-fic, and I have a terrible temptation to expand on it, even knowing it would be pure self-indulgence.  If anyone is at all interested, let me know; otherwise it will likely just remain buried on my hard drive.

If you actually hit the jump and read all this stuff, as ever, thank you very much for your continued interest, even as (to judge by the fandom response this year) the show itself fades in the rear view mirror.  As I’ve said before, I’m not done with this world yet, and I appreciate anyone and everyone who hangs around to continue to explore it with me.