#anyway i was having SUCH a writers block for my original shit when last night

[mejomonster]

One of My favorite writing skills I have is that I am Excellent at paralleling scenes to later and earlier scenes and weaving in my main idea to So much dialogue and Subtle action scene shit (in part Because My mind likes to parallel 1 scene I work on to another I've already written or will write)

So like. I love parallels so when I reread my stuff it's such a joy to find all the foreshadowing treasures and Main Idea getting hammered home just throughout everything

[whumping-valentine]

🦌 Fawn and Hunter - Part 4 🦌

"Broken Glass"

Content: guns, threats, dehumanization, kinda pet whump, restraints, failed escape, glass and blood, stitches, creepy and intimate whumper, noncon kissing, removing clothes.

1800 words

I'M BACK !!!!

So sorry about my absence over the last few months! I originally had a shit ton written on my absence, but you aren't here to hear me yap about my life. Though I will say I'm still in a bit of writer's block, so please excuse me if I continue to remain gone for a while, or updates are slow. I'm also not too happy with the writing this part, but it is what it is. I've been so angry at my writing recently you have no idea, hence my writer's block.

But anyways! I'm back and it's time for part 4! This is where things get more whumpy and our poor little Fawn gets pushed around and hurt. You hate love to see it. To find the other parts, you can search the fawn and hunter tag on my profile. Anyways let's goooo

       Hunter awoke to the morning sun shining in through the cracks of their boarded up windows. They finally managed to fall asleep at some odd hour of the night. They'd nearly forgotten about the treasure they acquired the day before, and when they remembered, they gleefully got out of bed, grabbing a shotgun as they trudged down into the basement.

       Hunter pulled the light string, and the room illuminated with a click. The first thing they noticed was the puddle on the floor.

       Oh, so the poor thing did piss on the floor...

       Hunter looked to their captive, who was curled up on the mattress, clutching a knife to their chest like it was a comfort item. How cute, Hunter thought, they brought a knife to a gun fight.

       Hunter crouched down beside the sleeping figure, admiring them. They pushed their disheveled hair out of their eyes, noticing the cracks in their big, round glasses and the stress that's already formed on their face.

       Hunter nudged their side with their shotgun, waking them up. As Fawn blinked their eyes awake, they widened at the gun in their face. They gasped as adrenaline shot through them, clutching the knife tighter as they scooted back against the wall.

       "Where'd you find that at?" Hunter asked, looking between them and the knife, a smirk on their face.

       Fawn stared up at them, still with wide, fearful eyes. Their hands started to shake and sweat as their heart beat faster and faster. They felt their eyes water as they pointed the knife up at their captor, "S-stay away from me."

       Hunter simply chuckled, smiling, "You think that little thing is gonna protect you? Baby, I've got a gun."

       "I'm- I'm not your baby!" They tried to sound stern, but fell beyond flat. The shaking of their tear stained voice was like music to Hunter's ears.

       "Hm? Why not? You sure act like one." They said, and got closer to them, putting the gun under their chin, "Drop the knife, little fawn."

       Fawn's breathing grew heavy as they froze in fear.

       "Drop it." Hunter commanded as if Fawn were a dog.

        Fawn dropped the knife, almost feeling against their will as their muscles acted without their brain.

       "There we go, such a good little thing," Hunter cooed. "Oh, don't you look at me like that, I think that thing fits you perfectly."

       Fawn opened their mouth to protest.

       "Shut it."

       Fawn closed their quivering lips. Hunter crouched down to their level, sitting down on the mattress, observing them.

       Hunter tilted their head, "How's your leg?"

       "Wo-wouldn't y-you care." Fawn said bitterly.

       "Which one of us is holding a gun?"

        Fawn squeezed their eyes shut, and spoke through gritted teeth, "It's fine."

       "Fine enough to hobble up the stairs last night?"

        "I needed the bathroom."

        "Need is a strong word. Clearly you didn't. It was optional."

       "I had to go on the floor, what do you mean optional?"

       "Well the floor's an option, is it not?"

       "Yeah, if you're an animal!"

       "Are you not one?"

       Fawn's face flushed with embarrassment and anger, "Oh, just shoot me! It's not worth it!" They slumped back and crossed their arms.

       Hunter chucked, "Dramatic much?"

       Fawn stayed silent against the wall, their arms firmly crossed as they refused to look at them. They were not going to be their entertainment. The defiance didn't last very long, though.

       "Ugh! What's that fucking smirk for?" Fawn spat, embarrassment and anxiety turning to anger.

       "Ooh, big words for such a cute little thing." Hunter said, and before Fawn could respond, they grabbed onto a strap of their overalls and pulled them to their foot with ease.

       Hunter grabbed their chin and inspected their face, "You seem a bit dirty, no?"

       "I'm perfectly fine, thank you." Fawn shoved them off, "It's not like cleanliness matters very much around here."

       "Not for me, no, but you? I don't want you looking disheveled."

      "Whatever." Fawn sighed, then yelped when Hunter picked them up over their shoulder. They carried them to the bathroom and plopped them down on a counter.

       They stripped them of their overalls, leaving them in underwear and their sweater.

       "The sweater needs to come off too, pet."

       "I- but- it's cold! It's the middle of Autumn!"

       "Excuses, excuses." Hunter dismissed, grabbing onto their sweater, yanking it off them in on quick motion, causing them to yelp.

       Hunter started to wipe Fawn off with a cloth, and their heart felt like it was going to beat out of their chest. Embarrassed, angry, and scared weren't exactly a nice mix of emotions. They couldn't believe they were being cleaned like some kind of pet. They were just thankful they still had their underwear.

       After many minutes of tense scrubbing and washing, Hunter took a moment to step out of the room, leaving Fawn alone. They turned towards the window and a sudden surge of adrenaline came over them. They looked between the window and the door and made a quick, impulsive decision.

       They stood up and smashed the window with their elbow. A loud crash and crack boomed, along with the sound of Fawn yelling in pain. Instead of the whole window shattering, only a small hole was formed, and their arm was now stuck in the window.

       Hunter rushed back into the room, and looked much more concerned and annoyed then they did angry, "What the hell, Fawn? First you step into a bear trap and now you can't even break a window right. It's amazing you made it to adulthood."

       "I- I thought the window would break…"

       "What, did you think you could get away just by being outside? You said it yourself, it's the middle of Autumn, it's cold, you're barely wearing any clothes, AND you have a hurt ankle. Making smart decisions isn't exactly your area of expertise, is it?"

       Fawn wanted to yell, and scream, and cry. They were angry, and scared, and embarrassed, and wanted to curse profanities at their condescension. But they couldn't even move let alone make a sound. The physical pain they felt overpowered any emotion.

       Hunter sighed and walked over to them, breaking the window some more around their arm until it was free. They walked Fawn to the dining table and sat them down.

       Hunter meticulously picked out the multiple shards of glass in Fawn's arms. They were shaking, and wincing with each movement Hunter made. Blood was dripping down their arms and onto the floor.

       There were so many cuts, and so much blood you could barely even see skin anymore. Hunter carefully wiped their arm with cloths, though it didn't completely stop the blood. They had to poke around in their cuts for any tiny shards, digging inside the gashes to pull them out with tweezers.

       When Hunter was sure they got them all, they wrapped bandages around their arms. Though here was one spot in particular they were more concerned about. Near their right wrist, a large gash went down nearly to their elbow.

       "That one's gonna need stitches." They said.

       Fawn furrowed their brow, "And- and how are you going to- to do that?"

       "By giving you stitches, idiot." Hunter held up a needle.

       "You- you're- there's no way you're going to do that!"

       "What else do you want me to do? See, these are the consequences of your actions, Fawn. You step in my trap, you get stuck with me. Try to escape, I give you stitches. That's only fair."

       "Fair?!"

       "Yes, fair! Maybe be more careful."

       Fawn was shocked by their audacity, but then again, who would expect very much from someone who kidnaps and murders people?

       Hunter took their wrist and put it over their lap. The large gash in their arm was no longer bleeding, but it would start up again soon. Hunter put the needle to Fawn's skin, and they hitched a breath and closed their eyes, wincing as they braced for the pain.

       The cold metal pierced their skin and their whole body tensed as Hunter slowly sewed the scar closed. Their arm involuntarily shook and they couldn't hold it still, just making it more painful. Fawn hitched a sob as it escaped them.

       "You're so cute when you cry."

       "Shut- shut the fuck up."

       Hunter slapped them.

       Hard.

       They grabbed them by the chin, "You shut up, and you hold still." They said, firm and low, now grabbing onto their hand tightly. Each stitch felt like agony. The sharp piercing of the needle, the thread pulling through their skin, it was awful. And after a few more minutes, it was finished.

       "There, it's done." Hunter said. "Was that so bad?"

       "Fucking yes!" Fawn yelled as tears streamed down their freckled cheeks. Their arm was shaking like crazy, not to mention the unbearable throbbing and sting that ran all the way down their arm.

       Hunter gently reached out and took their bandaged, trembling arm in their hand, and kissed their wrist.

        Fawn twisted their arm from their grasp, "Don't you dare!"

       "Whaaat? Never heard of kisses making it feel better?"

       "Yeah, from mothers! Not you! You're not my mom!"

       "I could be like one."

       "You're fucking weird!"

       "Obviously. But I'm not done with you. Let me kiss it."

       Fawn scoffed, "Yeah right. Like that's happening."

       "Oh, it's happening whether you want it to or not! You stepped into my trap, now you get to play by my rules. Or- do I have to get more strict with you?" They reached for a gun, quickly knocking the sassy defiance out of them.

       "I- no- sir- ma'am- I-"

       "Give me your wrist."

       With tears still welled in their eyes, Fawn slowly placed a shaking hand into Hunter's palm.

       "There we go," Hunter cooed, pleased. They placed a kiss on their wrist, and slowly moved up their arm. Fawn squeezed their eyes shut and tensed as they feared the worst, but they stopped halfway up their arm, where the cut ended. Hunter lifted their head, and chuckled upon seeing their face, "What? Afraid I'm gonna kiss you?"

       Fawn just scowled.

       "Well, with you all nice and patched up I think it's time to eat, yeah?"

       Food was the last thing in Fawn's mind right now, especially if the food came from a deer. It didn't matter much though. Not like they were getting out of this.

       After dinner Hunter dragged them into a spare bedroom and threw them onto a bed.

       "I can't have you trying to escape again," Hunter said, picking up rope. "One attempt is plenty enough for me."

       "W-wh-" Fawn stammers, unable to get out a single word.

       "Lay down." Hunter commanded. They tied a rope around their ankles, then to the bed frame, doing the same with their wrists.

       "Don't try to squirm too much. You'll hurt your wrist, and your ankle. Just let it happen. There we go."

       Fawn could only lay still, their arms above their head, whole body immovable. If they tried to move their arms their wrist hurt. If they tried to move their legs, their ankle. Fawn winced in disgust as Hunter kissed their nose before leaving.

       Fawn could see the cracked bathroom window from where they lay. They watched as Hunter boarded up the window, just like every other one around the cabin. A sinking feeling arose in them when they realized…

       This wasn't the first time this has happened.

End note: I think it's so much fun when whumpers are casual. Like, don't get me wrong, I love a threatening whumper and terrified whumpee as much as the next person, but a more casual dynamic is so much fun to me. I like when they just bicker and whumpee doesn't have to walk on eggshells because whumper is more liberal with their rules. Like, they're more annoyed and incovinienced than scared, lol. Anyways, let me know what y'all think!

Also I'm starting a taglist as you can see, due to a request. Lemme know if you want added.

Taglist: @parasitebunny

[haikyuucute]

Don’t Call It A Crush (Ushijima Wakatoshi) [Part 2]

Summary: Ushijima Wakatoshi is convinced he doesn’t have a crush on you

Warnings: Implied smut, angst, smut in future parts

Word Count: 2.5k

[A/N]: Okay so Tendou acts a little bit as the villain but I needed him to further the plot, so unfortunately he doesn’t seem like the best friend to have in this. Also kinda messy but I’m just gonna chalk it up to my lingering writers block

Part 1

—————

”Waka-kun!” You sighed out dramatically as soon as you approached his seated form in the cafeteria. You draped yourself against his back but he made no move to push you off.

“(F/N),” he said, before continuing to eat his lunch while Tendou greeted you from across him.

You sighed again, a pout on your lips as you sat down beside the ace, “I think I left my jacket in your dorm last night.”

He hummed, “I’ll check after practice—“

”You came over!?” Tendou exclaimed.

”Yeah!” You nodded, “Where were you—“

”The gym— you should’ve texted me.”

”Well, I didn’t know!”

He frowned, sprawling his arms out on the lunch table, when he realized something. He looked at Ushijima, “Is that why you were working on homework at one in the morning?”

”Yes,” he simply answered, making you gasp.

”You had homework!? Why’d you let me interrupt you!”

”You wanted to come over.”

You pouted again, ignoring the way your heart fluttered at the fact he dropped everything just so you could hang out, “Idiot, you could’ve said no.”

You huffed to yourself. Every once in a while Ushijima would pull stupid shit like that. There had even been one time a couple months ago now where he had even taken the fall for you when you were caught skipping out on class duties. He told the teacher he convinced you to come to his volleyball practice, and what was worse was that you didn’t even find out until he was missing from practice due to detention.

And there was another time about a month ago now where a stray volleyball had hit you hard in the leg and he insisted he leave practice to help you to the infirmary even though there were plenty of other capable players to take you— the captain left practice. Sure it was only for a short while but the coach still didn’t appreciate it (Tendou even told you he made him run laps after practice).

He didn’t do stuff like that too often but every time he did it made you feel really guilty and you hated to admit that it was why it made it that much more difficult to get over him. Every incident gave you some hope that there was a slight chance he really did feel something for you, but that hope was easily crushed when he never made any move to return the affection you’d give him.

Tendou’s eyes were narrowed on Ushijima as he tried to figure him out.

”What were you two doing?” He asked.

”We watched a crappy horror movie cause I thought it was funny,” you frowned deeper, “It was definitely not worth staying up til one in the morning to finish homework.”

”I enjoyed it,” Ushijima said, taking another bite of his lunch.

You raised an eyebrow, “You didn’t even understand half of what was happening.” You said, to which he simply shrugged.

”You watched a bad horror movie without me!?” Tendou shouted, clearly offended.

”I thought you’d be there!” You shouted back.

”Well I wasn’t—!”

”Then we’ll watch it this weekend, so shut up—“

”You two are yelling already?” A new voice interjected.

You looked up to find Semi and Reon, Semi taking his seat next to you while Reon walked around the table to sit next to Tendou.

”Yeah, well, Satori’s being a baby,” you muttered, answering Semi who asked the question.

”About what?” Reon added.

”Nothing, he’s just upset because Ushijima and I watched a movie without him.”

Semi hummed, before grabbing an article of clothing out of his bag and dropping it on your head.

With furrowed brows, you pulled it off to find that it was the jacket you thought you left at Ushijima’s.

”Is that your jacket?” Tendou suddenly asked, eyebrow raised.

It was as if your heart stopped in that moment as you turned to look at Tendou. There was always just something about his face when he was thinking, that made you anxious.

”Yeah,” you nodded, brushing it off as you tucked it away in your own bag.

”You were at Semi’s last night?”

There. You pinpointed exactly why your anxiety was justified when it came to Tendou.

”Uh— yeah, I went over to study,” you answered coolly.

You snuck a glance at Semi, whose eyes were now widened in surprise, looking like a dead give away.

You quickly stomped on his foot, making him hiss, but he quickly got the gist, and nodded, “Yeah, we were studying...” he trailed off, glaring at you.

Reon frowned, “You were? You should’ve called, I could use the extra studying.”

”Sorry,” you answered bashfully, “We’ll do that next time— Tendou stop looking at me like that,” you snapped at the red-head, his piercing gaze sending chills down your spine.

He glanced back and forth between you and Semi, before his eyes landed on Ushijima, who looked the same as always, but a smile curled at the corners of Tendou’s lips anyway.

”Sorry, sorry~” he practically sang, “Tell me more about that movie now.”

You eyed him warily, but if it took the focus off of you and Semi then you’d take it.

The rest of lunch felt off from that moment on, and you knew whatever Tendou was thinking wasn’t good.

If only you truly knew what he was planning.

The thing about Tendou was that just because he was a strange guy, it didn’t make him stupid. After all, he was able to keep his grades high enough in a school like Shiratorizawa in order to continue playing volleyball.

He also hated being wrong.

Unfortunately, it happened a lot more often outside of volleyball but he still had unmatchable observational skills.

So when he first had the hunch back in second year that you had a crush on Ushijima, he did everything he could to figure out if he was right.

And he was. Making him and Semi to be the only two people that knew about your crush on Ushijima.

At the time you forced him to promise not to tell Ushijima and as much of a little shit he could be, he did cherish your friendship, so he kept his mouth shut.

But almost a year later he had noticed little things here and there that Ushijima would do for you, subtle enough for pretty much everyone to miss, including you, but not for Tendou.

So he was hell-bent on figuring out if those gestures Ushijima did meant something more.

But the male was as dense as ever and prying any information about his love life was useless.

However, a new factor had entered the equation that made Tendou’s brain start working overtime.

Your jacket.

It wasn’t hard to figure out what was going on between you and Semi, and Tendou was more than intrigued.

After the jacket mix up in lunch he started paying closer attention to both of you. Noting every time one of you left and the other followed only ten minutes later, watching the way you both interacted in each other’s presences, and the terrible cover up’s when one was asked where they were.

After about two weeks of watching and observing silently he was originally going to confront you about it, but a much more entertaining option had come up one afternoon.

Unfortunately, it started a bit of a shit storm.

Ushijima, Tendou, you, Semi, and Reon all decided to meet up and study in the library on one of those rare days that practice ended a bit earlier than usual.

It wasn’t unusual for the five of you to study together whenever you had the chance, especially for Ushijima’s sake who wasn’t exactly the smartest ​​​​​​​person outside of volleyball.

The plan was to head to your dorms and grab your books and meet up in the library, but Ushijima and Tendou had made it down first.

With no sign of you and the others yet as the two got settled down at a table, Tendou decided that now would be the best time to try and figure out again if Ushijima liked you.

“So, (F/N) and Semi...” Tendou started, gauging if the two names together sparked any kind of reaction from the ace.

It didn’t.

Ushijima looked up at Tendou, waiting for him to finish, but when he didn’t he asked, “What about (F/N) and Semi?”

”Oh nothing~” he sing songed, leaning back in his seat, balancing the chair on its back legs, “Do you think they like each other?”

Ushijima looked mildly confused at this, “Isn’t that why they’re friends?”

Tendou laughed, “I meant more than friends Wakatoshi.”

”Why are you asking?”

”They just seen closer than usual, don’t you think. I’ve seen the two sneaking around together a lot~”

Ushijima didn’t understand what Tendou was getting at and it showed. But he supposed that the two of you had grown closer, however it didn’t really make him think anything of it. You still snuck into his and Tendou’s dorm on a regular basis and hung out with the two as usual so he couldn’t specifically say he thought there was something going on between you and Semi.

But there were two words that Tendou had said that stuck out to him.

”Sneaking around?”

His smile widened upon seeing more of a reaction from his friend, “I’m pretty sure (F/N) and Semi are sleeping with each other,” he bluntly stated.

Ushijima didn’t know what to make of the accusation, but he did know he felt....offended.

“(F/N) isn’t like that. If she was in a relationship with Semi she would’ve told us.”

”Unless it’s just sex,” he suggested, leaning forward and resting his chin upon his crossed arms on the table. He looked up at Ushijima who looked even more offended now, “Think about it, she was at his dorm the night she thought she left her jacket at ours.”

”She said they were studying.”

”They seemed very panicked for two friends just studying.”

Ushijima narrowed his eyes at Tendou, “(F/N)‘s not sleeping with Semi.”

Tendou hummed, “What makes you think that?”

”Because (F/N)‘s not like that,” he reiterated.

”But what if she was? Maybe you don’t want to believe it because of your little crush on her~”

His eyes narrowed further, “I’ve told you before Tendou, I don’t have feelings for (F/N).”

”Are you sure?”

“Enough Tendou,” Ushijima said, getting annoyed now, “I told you before, I would never date (F/N).”

Tendou sighed, it seemed that he wouldn’t be getting anything out of him today, and besides, he also spotted Reon making his way to their table, “Fine, fine. I’ll drop it.”

“Hey,” Reon greeted, taking a seat beside Ushijima.

”Where’s Semi?” Tendou asked him upon noticing he hadn’t come down with him.

”He’ll be down soon, he misplaced one of his assignments so he’s looking for it right now. He said we can start without him. What about (F/N)? Is she here yet.”

”She was helping Shirabu stretch before going to her dorm,” Ushijima answered, “She should be down soon.”

”Will she mind if we start without her?”

”No, she won’t care,” Tendou said, pulling out his study guides as he reluctantly started studying.

Though unknown to the three of them, and especially Tendou and Ushijima... you actually were there.

Your back was pressed against one of the book shelves, out of sight but definitely not out of ear shot.

Your heart was pounding out of your chest.

Tendou knew about you and Semi.

He told Ushijima.

Ushijima admitted he’d never date you.

It was one thing when you just assumed he didn’t feel the same but hearing it was completely different.

You were mortified, embarrassed, and heart broken.

Tears blurred your vision and you quickly made your way out of the library, using the farthest exit so they wouldn’t spot you.

Only one thing replayed in your head: Semi was still in his dorm.

Your legs moved on their own accord as you made your way to the boys dormitory. At this point you had been a pro at evading the hall monitors and you easily snuck in. The next thing you knew, you were standing in front of Semi’s dorm and knocking.

He swung the door open, his neutral face turning into one of worry when he saw your tear-stained face.

”(F/—“

He couldn’t get your name out before you were pulling him towards you, lips crashing against his. You then pushed him back into his room, shutting the door behind the two of you.

You broke the kiss briefly to pull your shirt over your head, and Semi decided to take this as his opportunity to figure out what was wrong.

”(F/N), why are you crying—“

His mouth fell shut at the glare you sent him once you had your shirt off— he had never seen you like this before.

”Ushijima doesn’t and will never like me and Tendou figured out we’re fucking, so right now I need you to make me forget everything.”

His eyes widened, “Wha— how—?”

”It doesn’t matter,” you muttered, going to close the distance between you two again, but he gripped your jaw, holding you back.

”We’re supposed to be going to the library, they’re gonna notice we’re both gone.”

”Does it even matter?” You snapped, “Tendou told Ushijima anyway.”

Semi looked conflicted but you could see he was going to give in.

”Fine,” he relented, “But Reon might come in to check on me if I’m not down there soon, so we’re doing this quick.”

”Whatever— just fuck me already Eita.”

His jaw clenched as he shook his head, “You’re fucking ridiculous.”

With that he was pulling you towards his bed.

—

What happened then was a series of unfortunate coincidences that played out back to back.

First it was when Tendou had been too loud down in the library.

The second was when the librarian kicked the three of them out because of the noise.

The third was Reon suggesting that they go back to his dorm to study, since Semi was already there and they agreed to just send you a text.

And then you didn’t acknowledge when your phone vibrated with a text from Ushijima.

The last was when the three boys walked in on the middle of Semi fucking you.

Their reactions all differed at the scene in front of them. Reon turned away wide eyed, Tendou grinned widely because he was right, and Ushijima stood frozen.

There were a few moments before you and Semi realized you had an audience and scrambled to cover yourselves up.

And Ushijima was sure those few moments were going to be engrained in his head for a very long time.

He was also sure the way his stomach turned and heart sank would accompany the memory every time he thought of it.

Because the sight of your legs tossed over Semi’s shoulders while he fucked you, the way your face screwed up in pleasure, eyes shut, eyebrows furrowed and mouth slack as a high pitched moan of Semi’s name left your lips. Well— it was not going to be easy to forget.

Hours later when everyone was back in their own dorms and Ushijima finally had enough time to figure out why the image of you with another man rattled him so deeply, he finally admitted it.

“I like (F/N).”

And Tendou grinned.

~~~~

Taglist:

@ushisama @ro-ro-noa

[phantom-curve]

find the strength, find the melody pt. 6

okay so I wasn’t originally going to include the entire scene in Lessa’s office but, once again, my words ran away from me. now you get this beast of a chapter. it’s the longest one yet, coming in at a whopping 4,383 words so think of it as an apology for letting my other fic take over for a sec and also taking like a million years to post this.

I started working on Luke’s POV because I am nothing if not a fan of jumping the gun, and his writing style is so different and living in his head is such an adorable journey of Julie Molina obsession. really excited for you to see some of the stuff that’s been going on for our sweet lil soft boy. also, if you notice the dialogue style changing a little bit in this/future chapters it’s so I can have the same scenes without a ton of repeated dialogue in Luke’s POV.

writer’s block anecdote of the day: I keep flipping Luke and Alex’s name in Luke’s POV because one of the main OCs in my novel is actually named Alex and has been since I started working on this novel a literal decade ago. oh and there is also an OC named Owen. someday I’ll learn to give my characters unique names, but not today!

taglist: @blue-hat-girl, @lwhoscribbles, @bluefyoto94, @5sosmukefan, @moonlightxnder, @leahthewonder​, @kat-maybe-not​, @lukewearingbeanies, @imastrugglingartist​​

Once they were close enough to risk running into other students, Julie dropped Luke’s hand. She made a point of ignoring the frown he gave her, using her now free hand to reach up and adjust her hat. Only, her hat wasn’t there. Her hands landed on loose, untamed curls instead and she immediately turned to Luke with a small amount of panic already building in her chest. He gave her a funny look, and then seemed to notice her hair and somehow understood completely. His hands reached up to lower hers. He let his grasp linger for just a moment before letting go, leaving her hands to dangle limply at her sides. Only his gaze held her in place.

“I never really liked that hat. Your hair is too pretty to cover up like that.”

He said it like a fact. The sky is blue, the sun is hot, your hair is too pretty to cover up. Julie felt a swell of emotions rise again, threatening to overwhelm her. But then he was off towards the front of the school throwing a very casual, “You coming?” over his shoulder at her. She raced to catch up, emotions beaten back for the time being.

They joined the surge of bodies filtering through the front doors. Alex and Reggie stood off to the side inside the entryway of the school. It was impossible to miss the tall blonde in his light pink sweatshirt standing next to the shorter boy in leather. Luke didn’t hesitate to weave his way over to them, but Julie hung back. She wasn’t really sure what was going on between them, wasn’t sure if she felt comfortable enough to just tag along behind him. She caught sight of Flynn’s hot pink beanie bouncing in the distance and let out a sigh of relief. She could separate from Luke here, talk to Flynn, get some perspective on this whole situation.

Luke glanced back at her then. She saw the question in his eyes, felt her heart race when he gave a little side nod like he was inviting her to join him. She swallowed and gave him a half-hearted smile before jerking her thumb over her shoulder in Flynn’s direction. He frowned, but she was already turning away. She pretended she didn’t hear him call her name, slipping into the crowd of students, letting it swallow her up so she could disappear from his sight. Eyes locked on Flynn’s back she moved farther away from the Sunset Curve boys. Flynn only jumped a little when Julie snuck up behind her.

“Jesus, Jules! You scared the shit out of me!”

Her best friend’s familiar voice washed over her like a comforting blanket. All at once, Julie was word vomiting the entire night.

“Flynn, oh my God. He had Mom’s song and he saved it for like, a whole year, and then he gave it to me yesterday, and holy shit I forgot how beautiful it is. And you’re not gonna believe this but I played, like I actually played the piano and sang, and it was like homecoming, it was like the biggest rush, like my mom was right there in the studio with me. And then, oh my god, now you’re really not gonna believe this, but oh my god, then Luke freaking Patterson showed up out of nowhere and he uh might have stayed on the pull-out couch, and then he uhm he made me breakfast this morning? And we walked here together?? He was like...doing this thing where his eyes were going all starry and soft and he was saying really sweet things and it was...a lot and I really don’t know what’s going on with that but uhm I’m kinda freaking out. Also, hey good morning, how are you?”

If Flynn’s mouth opened any wider Julie thought she might unhinge her jaw. In a sea of bustling students, it felt like they were in a bubble all their own. She anxiously fiddled with the bracelets on her wrists as she watched the gears turn behind her best friend’s eyes. After a full two minutes of silence, Flynn’s hand flew out to latch onto Julie’s bicep. Without a word she dragged her down the hallway and into an empty practice room. Flynn released her grip, Julie rubbing at her arm, jeez Flynn was strong!, while the other girl closed the door and flipped on the light that indicated the room was in use. She whirled around, her eyes drilling into Julie’s.

“You’re gonna start at the beginning of that whole mess of truth bombs and spill every last detail about exactly what happened with Luke ‘freaking’ Patterson. Right now. Starting with the bit about your mom’s song.”

Julie took a deep breath and slowly walked Flynn through the events of the last few days, from the moment she had run into Luke after her meeting with Ms. Harrison to when she ran away from him this morning as he was calling her name. Distantly, she was aware of the bell ringing, but it was only homeroom anyway. What did that matter when she was having an existential crisis? Flynn’s mouth only hung open a little bit by the time she was finished telling the story again. Julie felt her shoulders slump. What an emotional rollercoaster. Flynn was quiet for a long moment. Then, she smirked at Julie with a knowing look in her eyes.

“Hmph. Looks like my girl’s got a crush, and his name is Luke. I cannot believe you’ve been holding out on me like this!”

She was teasing, her tone light with a little bit of a mocking sing-song quality to it. But Julie could hear the undercurrent of worry running through her words. She had become quite adept at detecting that particular vocal quality in the last year. She sighed.

“Whatever. Can we focus on the more important revelation that I played the piano and sang again?”

Flynn, best friend that she was, gracefully allowed the subject change.

“Jules, that’s amazing! I’m so happy for you! How did you feel? Alive again?”

Julie laughed, the sound feeling easy and light as it left her chest.

“Yeah, actually, that’s exactly how I felt. It was...honestly, it felt magical. It really did feel like my mom was there with me. There was this sense of peace that just felt...”

She shivered, remembering the sensation of ghostly arms around her shoulders.

“I can’t really describe it. But it was like something just clicked, and I realized that the best way to remember my mom and honor her is through music. The music we made together and the music I’ll make in the future. Rose Molina’s musical legacy will live on in me, and that feels pretty special.”

She couldn’t keep the smile from her face or the happiness from her voice. Peace really had been found out in that studio last night. Julie felt more ready than ever to move out of the darkness she’d kept wrapped around her like a shield for the last year.

“That’s beautiful.”

Flynn pulled Julie into her arms, the two girls sharing a long hug. The bell rang, signaling the end of homeroom, before either girl could say anything more. They left the practice room together, splitting up when they reached their respective classroom doors. Julie swallowed thickly as she settled herself in the back of her Calc class. This was one of the classes she shared with Luke, although she had conveniently forgotten that fact until the moment she sat down at her desk. He appeared in the doorway within seconds, giving her no chance to properly prepare herself. His eyes lit up when he saw her, and he started to make a beeline for the desk next to hers before their teacher caught him.

“Patterson! You know the deal.”

Not even Luke’s best pout could win over Ms. May. She simply raised a brow and pointed at the seat he had been assigned at the front of the classroom. Julie let out a small sigh of relief. It was hard not to smile at Luke’s dramatics as he slumped over and slowly shuffled his way to his desk. He dropped into his seat with a loud huff, glancing over his shoulder at Julie with forlorn expression. She rolled her eyes, smothering her smirk behind her hand. The bell rang again, and he turned his attention to the front of the room as Ms. May called the class to order.

He didn’t stop sneaking looks back at her the entire class period though. It made her want to squirm in her seat every time she dared peek at him and caught him watching her in return. He would always give her one of those soft, sweet smiles and then turn back to his work. It was unsettling, especially when she thought of how he hadn’t paid much attention to her in this particular class before today. Although, now that she really thought about it, maybe he had. Julie had basically been living in a fog of grief for the last year. The school could have caught on fire and she probably wouldn’t have noticed it until her clothes were burning.

She was almost grateful when one of the front desk aides appeared in the door to their classroom. Kayla made direct eye contact with her before knocking on the door frame to get Ms. May’s attention.

“Julie Molina is needed in the office.”

A tense silence fell over the classroom. Every single student remembered the last time Julie had been called down to the office in the middle of a class. Even Ms. May’s eyes flickered with pity for a moment before she gave Julie a gentle smile and nod. Julie stood slowly, forcing herself to keep her breath even as she gathered her books and papers into her backpack. 22 pairs of eyes watched her slowly make her way to the front of the room. One pair burned hotter than the others. Julie met Luke’s eyes for the smallest fraction of a second. Just long enough to see the concern rise up in them. Then she was out the door, walking the uncomfortably familiar path to the front office.

“It’s Lessa. And I think your dad.”

Kayla’s quiet voice startled her. She looked to her left, surprised to find the other girl keeping pace with her. Julie had thought she would walk ahead or peel off to deliver other messages. Instead, she got a small but genuine smile.

“Look, I know things are weird because of the Carrie thing, but I just didn’t want you to freak out too much. Frankly, I think Lessa’s kinda a bitch to pull you out of class like that. She’s an idiot if she doesn’t remember...well anyway. It’s something school related, not like a family thing.”

Kayla briefly squeezed her bicep, almost like she wished she could give Julie a hug. Then she was off down a separate hallway, waving the stack of messages in her hand at Julie as a goodbye. Julie watched her go for a second, feeling off balance and surprisingly emotional. Kayla was a Dirty Candy girl. In the battle lines that had been drawn between Julie and Carrie, Kayla’s position was as obvious as Flynn’s. For all intents and purposes, she shouldn’t be looking out for Julie, and yet, she was anyway. Julie wondered how many small protective moments she had missed from her classmates in the last year. Maybe she hadn’t been quite as alone as she had always felt. She took a deep breath and finished the walk to the front office, a little more ready to face what was on the other side.

Knowing it was school related and that her dad had been called down sent a shiver of apprehension down her spine for a different reason. It had to be something about the music program. Not for the first time, Julie regretted keeping it from her dad for this long. She was out of time now. At least she could thank the universe for small favors. If it had been her Tía in this meeting, Julie’s life would be over. Her dad was more understanding. They would be able to get through this. Julie forced herself to square her shoulders and enter the office with more confidence than she felt. Her mom’s words echoed in her mind you can do it. It was all the strength she needed.

At least until the door to Principal Lessa’s office was closing behind her, and she was face-to-face with her heartbroken father.

“Julie. Take a seat, please.”

Lessa’s voice lacked its usual bite. She just sounded tired. Julie felt that down to her bones. She slipped into the seat next to her dad without a word.

“I’m going to get right to the point. Two of us,” her eyes narrowed slightly on Julie who shifted in her seat in response, “knew this meeting was coming. The other one of us has now been informed as to why it was called.”

The weight of her father’s stare was crushing her. Julie didn’t have to look to see the disappointment there. It was rolling off of him in tsunami sized waves. Lessa continued talking despite the uncomfortable tension growing in the air.

“Now. We have several options. As you both know, Los Feliz is at its core an arts academy. We ask that our students participate in at least one of the arts programs. Participate being the key word there. Julie, it’s clear that participation in our music department isn’t something you’re able to do right now. While we were able to offer you a grace period, we have other students applying for the position you aren’t using. It’s only fair to allow them the chance to participate if you won’t.”

Julie was not going to cry. Not here in front of Principal Lessa and her dad, trapped on school grounds where everyone would see her when she left. She bit the inside of her cheek as hard as she could, letting Lessa’s soft but firm voice wash over her without absorbing anything she was saying.  She caught bits and pieces: Lessa offering her a spot in the less desirable subset of illustration in the fine arts department with a chance to reapply for the music department the following semester, her dad requesting information about the new program as well as copies of her transcripts in case they decided to move schools, Lessa’s voice softening as she apologized, her dad’s growing even softer as he thanked her for everything the school had done so far. Then the meeting was wrapping up, and her dad was shaking Lessa’s hand, and Julie was focusing on her backpack so she could get the hell out of there. She barely caught the sad smile Lessa gave her as she said, “Good luck, Julie” in that same goodbye tone Ms. Harrison had used on Monday. Julie had never been so desperate for her old hat to hide behind as she was in that moment.

She shuffled along behind her dad. It was obvious the school day was over for Julie. He was quiet as they made their way out of the office and into the empty hallway. Class had been dismissed while they were with Lessa. Julie was thankful there weren’t any other students around to witness her downfall. Her dad almost made it out of the building before rounding on her. Almost.

“I cannot believe you tried to hide this from me! I thought I raised you better than that, mija. You’re lucky your Aunt had a work meeting she couldn’t miss. Why didn’t you come to me?”

It was the overwhelming disappointment in her dad’s tone that did Julie in. She had never been able to stomach letting her parents down. If Ray’s voice was any indication, she may have reached the rock bottom of let downs.

“I’m sorry.”

She was. She truly was. She didn’t know why she had kept it from her dad except that if she had told him then she would have had to admit it was real. She hadn’t wanted to face that reality just yet.

“I just don’t understand, Julie. You still like music, right? Is it the school? We can find a different music program. You don’t have to stay here just because your mom loved it so much.”

Julie opened her mouth to argue that actually that was exactly why she had to stay here, but a different voice cut her off. An annoyingly familiar voice that had her heart racing and her palms sweating.

“Julie!”

She nearly groaned aloud. Never before in her life had Julie wished to disappear as much as she did right now. Just open a hole in the floor and jump right into it. The absolute last thing she needed right now was Lucas freaking Patterson getting in the middle of this dressing down. Hell, she didn’t even want him witnessing it let alone trying to get involved. She clenched her jaw, ignored her dad’s pointedly raised eyebrow, and turned on her heel to meet the teenage boy that suddenly seemed to be haunting her every step.

“Luke. Hi.”

She kept her voice flat, the go away clear in her tone. His steps faltered for a second, but she could tell by the way his shoulders bounced that he wasn’t going to be so easily deterred. She had run away from him this morning and been saved multiple times in Calc. He wasn’t going to let her avoid him anymore. He approached her and her dad with all the cool confidence a 17-year-old boy in a band could muster. Her mouth almost fell open when he bypassed her completely to stick his hand out towards Ray.

“Luke Patterson. You must be Mr. Molina. It’s very nice to meet you, sir.”

His smile was genuine and charming, his lyrical voice all too polite. Julie wanted to scream as she watched her dad fall for it. Could she not have one single embarrassing moment to herself anymore? Was she doomed to play out the moments she came off looking the worst in front of this cute boy for the rest of her life? Her dad’s eyes lit up as he shook Luke’s hand. Julie wished she could bash her head against something.

“Patterson? Mitch and Emily’s boy?”

“Yes, sir.”

Only Julie caught the way his smile tightened and his shoulders raised defensively at the mention of his parents.

“Wow, you’ve grown quite a bit since the last time I saw you! Good people, your parents.”

Julie rolled her eyes at the dad-ness of it all.

“I forgot you were in the music program with Julie...”

She couldn’t help but cringe as her dad’s words trailed off. That statement had been enough to remind him why he was here in the first place. He turned away from Luke to give her another heartbroken look. She hung her head to escape the censure behind his eyes.

“I am. Actually, that’s why I was trying to find Julie! She was late for rehearsal.”

Julie whipped her head up to glare at the boy still bobbing in front of them. He was trying to cover for her not knowing Lessa had blown that opportunity sky high not even 5 minutes ago. It was sweet in a misguided way, but it was also a painful reminder of all the things Luke had that she didn’t.

“He knows I got kicked out. You don’t have to lie for me.”

Her voice was sharp, and she was fully prepared for the kicked puppy look she was sure he would give her, but instead his smile only grew. His bouncing became impossibly springier, like gravity just didn’t apply to him. And then he winked, actually winked, at her.

“Awh, c’mon, Jules!”

His whine was just the right amount of playful, his eyes sparkling with mischief. Her heart did a weird flip in her chest.

“I know it was supposed to be a surprise, but the poor man is clearly suffering! We should let him in on our little secret.”

Julie’s glare intensified as she ignored the way the words our little secret hit the softest part of her heart. What the hell was he playing at? He winked again, something that should be outlawed given the way it made her stomach drop and knees weaken. Then he held up his hands in a half-hearted I give up gesture.

“Okay, okay. You don’t have to tell him about the plan to get you back into the music program if you don’t want to.”

If this were a cartoon, Julie was sure her eyes would have popped out of her skull completely at those words. As it were, she settled on doing everything she could to keep her jaw from dropping. She had absolutely no clue what he was going on about, but he clearly had some sort of agenda. There was a script to this encounter, she just hadn’t been given her lines. She saw her father shift out of the corner of her eye, arms raising to fold across his chest as he took in the scene unfolding between the two teenagers. Luke was still talking, apparently deciding to capitalize on Julie’s stunned silence.

“I just think it would be helpful if he knew about it. Then we wouldn’t have to sneak around so much. I know you wanted to have it be a big reveal, but we can still surprise your aunt!”

Her dad turned to her with a raised brow, confusion and the smallest seeds of hope growing behind his gaze.

“¿Mija?”

Julie wanted to punch a locker and also vomit. What the actual hell was Luke Patterson doing? She had no frame of reference for whatever game he was playing. No way of knowing if it was serious or some sort of prank. She looked away from her dad to meet Luke’s eyes. He gave her a small, pleading smile, silently begging her to trust him. His eyes became impossibly gentle and she saw that same boy from the studio last night and the kitchen this morning peeking out at her. Ultimately, it was that intimate reminder of his softer side that made her cave.

“It’s nothing, Papí. Just some hair-brained scheme Luke came up with.”

She raised her brow in a challenge, communicating with that one twitch that she wanted to see his endgame here. His face lit up like the 4th of July. She was sure if they had been alone he would have let out a victory whoop. He rocked back on his heels, hands in his pockets, biceps flexing in his best cool kid impersonation.

“Don’t sell yourself short, Molina. We’re getting just as much out of this as you are.”

She didn’t have time to snap back that she wasn’t sure she was getting anything out of whatever ‘this’ was before he was plowing ahead.

“See, my band and I lost our fourth member earlier this year, and we have our Junior Showcase coming up, but man, it’s been a serious struggle to find our sound without Bobby, and we really gotta nail this Showcase. It’s like the one where managers scout out who they really wanna pay attention to as a senior, so we gotta be the best.”

Julie saw where he was going with this before he actually got there, but it was too late to stop him. That was what she got for playing along with his stupid game in the first place.

“And see, I finally figured out that what we really need is someone like Julie to elevate us to that level. Your daughter is a freaking wrecking ball of talent, Mr. Molina. It took a lot of begging, but she finally agreed to play with us. There’s no way Lessa won’t put her back in the music program after we play together.”

His grin was a mile wide, pride shining from his pores. He was 100% sure of this plan, she could see it in the way he looked at her. Absolute blind faith in her. It was as flattering as it was terrifying.

“I see.”

Her dad’s voice was shockingly contemplative. Like he was actually considering supporting this crazy idea. He looked at Luke thoughtfully.

“Do Principal Lessa and Ms. Harrison know about this plan?”

Luke’s hand raised for one quick nervous scratch at the back of his neck. He gave her dad his most charming smile.

“Sometimes you’ve gotta go into ambush mode. Swing that wrecking ball of talent and smash some rules, eh?”

If it were any other parent, that line would have probably been the worst possible thing to say. But this was Ray Molina, whose first date with Rose had involved a small amount of breaking and entering as well as a large amount of running from cop cars and stealing kisses while hiding in alleyways. Rose had never met a rule worth following, and it was part of the reason Ray had fallen in love with her in the first place. Luke had sealed the deal without even really trying. Julie was doomed.

“I like it.”

Ray’s smile was almost as large as Luke’s. It was scary how similar they looked right now, enthusiasm shining in their eyes with an intensity that was borderline maniacal. There would be no getting out of this now.

“Why don’t you boys come over to the house after school? You can practice in our studio.”

Julie didn’t even get a chance to open her mouth before Luke was agreeing. She watched him shake her dad’s hand once again, some weird kind of bonding look passing between the two of them. Her dad wrapped a tight arm around her shoulder, and then turned them both towards the front doors again. Julie cast one final look at Luke over her shoulder, heart skipping a beat as he bit his lip and gave her yet another wink.

“See ya later, boss!”

Had her dad not been holding her up, Julie would have melted right into a puddle of mush. Yup, she was totally and completely doomed.

[amisbro]

If UtaPri had/gets a 5th season...

What would it look like? So this is a question I have thought about for a while because of the fact that I think a lot of people (Myself included) believe there is more of a story to tell in the world of UtaPri.  I think with enough time we could get a very interesting idea for a season and honestly I think WHATEVER this project we got coming up actually IS could be an interesting testing ground for something. Let me explain

So if we think about how Season 4 ended it seemed rather definitive.  Like the way that message was wrote made you believe ,to a degree, that the series had ended as far as an Anime project.  Then we got the end card AFTER that and that kind of made things turn on its head cos no one knew what that was supposed to be until 6th stage happened right? One thing that always stands out to me is the fact that Season 4 was a bit of a mess and I say that in the most objective and neutral way possible because...when you have an Anime that is based on a Manga we typically get a story based around that in some fashion.  It might not be panel for panel and word for word but we get one and that is always fun to see how certain scenes get animated for sure.  When you do an Anime based on an Otome game you almost always do whomever is considered the “true route” or just leave it open ended so people will want to play the games (which is what I think DiaLovers did when it had its run). UtaPri has a very interesting situation because the series DOES have an idol component (and the Anime made sure to really focus on that mostly) but it is also an Otome game so the studio (A-1 Pictures) had that to work off of for the most part.  The problem is that when they were done with the material they DID USE it created a problem because Season 4 was a mess if I am being as objective as possible about it. So here was the problem You had 3 groups in play here STARISH QUARTET NIGHT HEAVENS Forget whom your group was for a second...this was going to be a problem because 2 of the 3 groups had content that was used in the first 3 seasons but Season 4 was going to be a problem.  How this would have been remedied I have no fucking idea!  Like if Broccoli knew they were going to do this season they needed to get something out BEFORE IT so people would have had something to go off of for HEAVENS so we could have had 7 episodes that made sense instead of episodes where it felt like they didn’t know how to have the HEAVENS member that was being featured in it not look like a complete ass!  If we are honest this is what happened and its frustrating to remember One of the biggest issues with the season was that you had a group that HAD been Antags during Season 2.  I said HAD because I genuinely believe that the marching orders for A-1 was to write a season where STARISH was still THE focus but HEAVENS could be rehabbed into a group that was more “likable/marketable” so when the time came to sell CDs and merch that they would fly off the shelves and could be a contender to at least QN if not both them and STARISH.  As we saw during the Oricon charts it was a puzzling time because the duet CDs sold like garbage in the sense that only TWO our the 7 actually charted in the top 10 Ren/Van - Lovely Eyes Syo/Yamato - Justice Impulse This was the most puzzling thing I ever dealt with because I tried to figure out WHY and to this day the best thing I could come up with is the fact that the CD releases were slated to come 10 days after the episode aired which seemed like the dumbest thing to do (IMHO) because when I looked at Season 3 all of the releases charted in the top 10 and a big reason for that was the gap between CD/Episode was only 4 days...well we got to QN and HEAVENS’ CDs they did VERY WELL in Season 4 and its because of how close they released them (I think) to the episodes...funny how that works! What was really weird also was during the “Duet Project” episodes the writers didn’t know WHO to make the focus of the episodes and that was weird BUT ,looking back on it, this whole season was gonna be weird because of how quickly the season was coming in the turnaround vs. its normal time for a season.  Typically a UtaPri season gets a 2 year window and this time they were going under that...about a year and 4 months so this was going to cause a crunch and also a mess of a message as to what the writers wanted to do!  I personally believe that the writers wanted to make HEAVENS all the more sympathetic and they were able to get SOME of the backstories in that they could for certain characters but a few others (Nagi and Eiichi for example) “kind of” tried to show you the “why they were acting the way they were” but it felt (at least Internationally) that the episodes didn’t register or if they did not as well as they hoped.  I do wonder if a big reason that the content is as out of sorts in terms of balance for HEAVENS vs. the other two groups is because of how jacked up that season got.  I genuinely wish I could sit down and discuss that season with someone that was in the room when they were given the orders on how that season was supposed to go vs. what actually happened after the fact! So this brings me back to the “What would a 5th Season look like if we got/get one in the future?” The weird thing is I think A-1 already knows but they have to get the reference materials FIRST before they start writing it.  I genuinely think they saw/heard about what happened Internationally when it came to the “NEXT DOOR” saga and they didn’t want to see that happen again so NOW they want to work on these projects to get the idea other there right now that all the groups are separated as first we have STARISH and then no doubt QN but the big question of course is HEAVENS...can they do a concert with them at some point with hopefully more songs under their belt OR will Broccoli start to really consider them a lost cause and that the fandom just doesn’t want them.  You can only go with the “Round peg/Square Hole” philosophy so much before people get mad and don’t want to deal with the series (or at the very least HEAVENS) anymore. The other big issue is HEAVENS’ role in Dolce Vita because, As of this writing, we still don’t know ANYTHING about that game...like we don’t know if its a straight up VN or is there going to be something similar to the original La Corda back in the day which ,fun fact time, had Kishou and Mamo in it.  Like if anyone would know how a game like that worked it would be them (And they ARE in the new game “Starlight Orchestra” btw) so they HAVE to have had given some input about how the mechanics worked and all that...right?! (Oh and unrelated but Kishou’s original character in Len Tsukimori is a special character in that game.  He was unlocked through a campaign we had in that fandom a bit ago) So again...what would Season 5 look like? Well my guess is that it would have to be a STARISH/HEAVENS season again but with new duets unlike last time.  The other possibility (And I think they were teasing this at the end of Season 4) is that it would somehow be a HEAVENS/QN season which could be interesting especially if they did something like how Season 2 was probably supposed to go...and in a way didn’t because of how the story worked. The thing is its been almost 5 years since we had a proper season...FIVE! Let’s assume that the “Anime Project” as we know it is over alright?  STARISH and QN’s brand is already established so what do you use to help HEAVENS’ get on the same level?  That’s a big reason why I don’t think they could/should end the “Anime Proper” because to do that you literally would be cutting off a way to properly market a group that actually needs it vs. the groups that clearly don’t.  I won’t go so far as to say that the STARISH/QN Animated concerts are going to be “Vanity Projects” because they aren’t.  They are clearly something that Broccoli believed in as far as a project to do for the series BUT I will say that having 7th Stage so close to this project is a bit...weird?! Like okay to be fair this probably was planned well in advance and the Pandemic fucked everything up because it was supposed to be announced at 7th stage in 2020...okay cool fine but let’s say it was right?  What stopped them from revealing it at 10th Anniversary when it would have been a bigger “Holy Shit” moment?  What was really so important that they had to do EVERYTHING ELSE and not that?  Just seemed weird to me. But anyways HOLY SHIT did we go around the block here...I need to stop If you were going to script out a proper 5th season when would you do it and how?  The thing to remember is we have a 3 group scenario and now HEAVENS is trying to become an even better group to finally beat STARISH and QN so do you have QN and HEAVENS do a thing together or do you do a 3 cour season where each is dedicated to a particular group? Love to hear your answers on this and take care

[shoutosteakettle]

black laced panties • shouto todoroki

⤷ genre: angst

⤷ word count: 1777

⤷ warnings: cheating, mentions of drunk sex, maybe ooc shouto, the use of the word ‘whore’, also an excessive use of the word fuck

⤷ a/n: alrighty!! if the title for this fic looks familiar it’s because i’ve actually posted this fic before,, but back when i posted this fic the first time i wasn’t really happy with it, so i decided to go back and work at it,,, if you look hard enough on my page you might find the original version of this fic and if that happens i’m truly sorry, but i think that it’s crazy how you cann see how much i’ve grown as a writer in five months,, it hasn’t been that long but at the same time it has and i just feel like we’re moving in hyperspeed omg,, okay that’s it for my rambling, i hope you guys enjoy >:)

☆彡 

It wasn’t the feeling of the warm sun on your face that stirred you from your sleep or the earth-shatteringly loud snoring in your ears. No, it was the warm weight of someone else in bed with you, something you had not felt in weeks thanks to your boyfriend’s hero job that kept him from home most nights, but the large arm around your waist suggested something different. You laid in the bed, basking the bliss of the moment, enjoying the overwhelming smell of cinnamon with vague hints of smoke.

“G’ morning Princess,” the greeting drew you from your thoughts. The nickname was familiar, though not one of Shouto’s go tos, but the voice– the voice was not one you heard every day. It took you a minute to recognize it, but when you did, you swore you felt your heart drop into your ass. “Katsu?”

“Mmmm,” Katsuki groaned, his voice laced with sleep and his nose pressing deeper into your hair. With that confirmation, you removed his arm from your body, then yourself from his bed, nothing but Katsuki’s thin bed sheet and an equally thin bra shielding you from prying eyes.

“What the hell, Bakugou! What am I doing here?!”

“Stop with all the fucking yelling. It’s too early in the morning for you to make my ears bleed,” he yelled back at you.

“Why am I here, in your bed,” you hissed at the blonde. “And why am I naked.”

“Cut it with the fucken innocent act. You’re the one who showed up at my doorstep last night, drunk off your ass and talking about how lonely you were,” Katsuki [], the details helping your brain begin to shift through the fog, trying it’s best to decipher between memories and dreams.

“Shit. How could you let this happen again, Katsuki? I told you last time that was the last time,” you sighed, “On top of that, you know I’m with Shouto.”

There was silence for a moment, not that you could hear anything aside from the blood rushing in your ears while you tried your best to come up with a suitable lie about where you were to tell your boyfriend. “I didn’t know you were still with him,” Katsuki mumbled, almost an apology. Reaching over on his side of the bed, he picked up a t-shirt and threw it to you. “Find the rest of your clothes and get out.”

“What the hell do you think I’m doing,” you hissed, turning around to throw your shirt over your head, doing your best to ignore Katsuki’s presence completely.

“You don’t get to be fucking angry with me. This is your fault,” he reminded you. “And now you’ve dragged me into whatever drama you have going on with your boyfriend, the same one you told me you ended things with.”

“Well, I wasn’t the one who thought it was okay to take advantage of a drunk woman, so get off your fucking high horse. And where are my fucking underwear,” this was the last thing that you needed right now; there was no need for the universe to rub it in your face as hard as it was.

“Fuck it,” you said, abandoning your search for the missing panties pulling your jeans from off the carpet and over your bare legs, the feeling of the scratchy denim shaking any remaining bits of sleep from your system. “Don’t say anything about this to anyone.”

“Didn’t plan on it. Your keys are on the coffee table, don’t let the door hit you on the way out,” Katsuki called out, watching you smooth out your shirt as you made your way out of his bedroom.

“Fuck,” he groaned to himself, laying back down on his bed and pulling his blankets up to his chest. Katsuki laid his head down on the silk of his pillowcase, placing his hand on the underside, feeling his fingertips brush against the soft cotton of your panties.

ミ☆

“Y/n?” Shouto called out when he heard you open the door to your shared apartment. You took off your shoes and slid on your slippers before walking over to the living room. When you came within a foot of your boyfriend, he reached out and took your hands in his.

“I know I’ve been a bit distant lately, and I apologize. I would never want to make you feel like a second priority. I took a couple of vacation days, and I would love nothing more than to spend them with you,” he smiled, nodding toward the television, which had your favorite movie on stand-by.

The guilt building in your stomach increased tenfold, spilling onto your tongue, tasting bitter. You sent Shouto a small smile before letting go of his hands and making your way to your bedroom. “Just let me hop in the shower real quick,” you chirped, thinking that your scandal had ended before it ever really started.

“Where were you this morning,” Shouto asked, noticing the way you flinched at his question, and you were sure he could see the cold sweat glistening on your forehead- unless he suddenly was blind in both eyes.

“Ochako and Zu’s,” you lied, “I was feeling a little lonely last night, so I called, and they said it was cool if I third wheeled on their date.

“Right… I’ll pop some popcorn while you’re in the shower,” Shouto said, changing the subject but watching skeptically as your body relaxed at his less interrogational words.

☆彡

“Back with the mail already…” your voice trailed off when you saw what he was holding in his hand. 

“Hey, Y/n,” Shouto began, reading from the note in his hand not occupied by back panties– your missing panties, “I meant to send these to you a while back, but you’re getting them now, deal with it. Katsuki Bakugou.”

Shouto looked up from the evidence of your obvious betrayal that he help in his hands, his glossy eyes meeting yours. The tears that fell from your eyes fell for a completely different reason than the one fallen from Shouto’s. You were scared. He was hurt. “I only asked you once because I trusted you, but one more time. Where were you the morning you came home late?”

“Shou, this isn’t what it looks like–”

“You spent the night with Katsuki, doing and saying all the things you promised to me. You kissed him. You slept in his bed. You fucked him. And then did the same with me,” he groaned, and you watched as he physically shuddered. “Why? Was I not good enough for you, or are you just that much of a whore?”

The words he spat burned like acid on your soul. You knew there was no excuse for what you had done and that you had hurt him, and all those things made it so much harder for you to defend yourself. “I was lonely, Shou. I was barely seeing you. I- I thought you had forgotten me,” you cried, being painfully honest while trying to save whatever was left you your relationship.

“Is that why you did this, to get in a quick fuck while I was out risking my life to protect my city- to protect you,” he asked, his anger blocking out anything that didn’t support his case. Finally, he let go of your underwear and the note that accompanied it, and you watched as they fell to the table beneath him. Shouto pushed himself off the table he was leaning on and made his way to the coat rack by your front door. You watched, unable to form words, or do anything other than cry as he put on his jacket and opened the front door.

“I’m going out. I want you and your stuff out of my apartment by the time I get back,” was the last thing he said before turning around and leaving your home, slamming the door behind him. Shouto would be a liar if he said he didn’t want to go back and remind you of all the reasons you loved him, the reasons why you picked him, but he couldn’t get past the fact that you didn’t wait for him.

ミ☆

“Fuck off, Katsuki,” you giggled at his joke as he passed by you to get the couch.

“You’re starting to sound more and more like me every day,” Katsuki smirked, keeping his eyes focused on the mail he was shuffling through. “When are you getting your own place anyway? It’s getting pretty annoying having to see your face every day.”

“I’m seeing some apartments later today, so I’ll be out of your hair soon enough. Though I can’t promise that you won’t miss me,” you teased, pushing at Katsuki’s chest and waiting for him to laugh with you.

“This is for you,” he said, leaning over from his seat on the sofa to hand you a smaller sized black bubble envelope.

“Who is it from,” you asked. No one ever sent you mail, for the same reason no one ever called, your best friend broke up with you and took all the important people in your life with him.

“Icy Hot,” Katsuki answered.

“Oh,” you tried your best to ignore the feeling of Katsuki’s eyes boring into you as he watched you open the envelope. You reached inside to pull out a pair of black laced panties with a note attached that read, “You forgot this.”

☆彡: Extra Scene

Shouto picked up his phone, scrolling through his contacts, coming to the last number on the short list of people in his phone. He pressed the name and waited as the phone rang in his ear. Once, then twice, and then a third time. “Hey, Shouto. Is something wrong,” the voice on the other side asked, his voice groggy with sleep.

“Hey, Midoriya. Have you seen Y/n? She’s not home, and it’s late. I’m a little worried,” Shouto groaned, bringing his hand up to rub at his temples, trying his best not to let his darker thoughts get the best of him.

“No, I spent the night with Ochako. Let me get my coat. I can help you look for her,” Izuku said, sitting up in his bed and pulling his blanket from over his legs.

“No. No, it’s fine, I’ll wait a little longer to see if she shows up,” Shouto sighed, hanging up his phone and cutting off Izuku’s ‘Goodbye.’ With another stressed sigh, Shouto threw himself back on the bed, taking one last look at the candles he had lit, the rose petals he had laid out, and listening to the quiet music playing in the background before dozing off.

[dontjudgemeimawriter]

20 Questions

Tagged by @sleepy-night-child

1. why did you choose your URL?

It’s off of the joke that you should never judge a writer’s browsing history, but to be fair it’s also you can’t judge a writer for anything because hey it’s for a story!

2. any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

Yep! This is a side blog. My main is @magicmoon65.

Two blogs that I co-manage are @yourbookcouldbegayer which is a LGBTQ writing advice blog and @dateasapphicwho which has nothing to do with writing and is a wlw suggestion blog.

My other interests have some sideblogs, though considerably less active, including @how-to-be-okay which is a self-care blog, @thewaywethinkiscool which is a psychology nerd studyblr, @hdc2tog which is a craft/crochet blog, and finally, @rainbowpointyhat which is a witchcraft blog.

3. how long have you been on Tumblr?

Ummm maybe 7 years?

4. do you have a queue tag?

Nope and I don’t know what those are for, even as a tumblr veteran. I queue things sometimes but don’t tag it.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

this blog I started because... tbh I think I wanted a place to share writing posts, then I wanted to share my writing, then I lost confidence in that, then I get more into writeblr.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

The one rn I chose way bac when I started this and it’s just a writer meme type thing (If you can’t see it it says Writer’s Block: When your imaginary friends refuse to talk to you). But I’ve been considering changing it, maybe to that planet picrew I did.

7. why did you choose your header?

*Checks my header* ummm writing aesthetic pic I hadn’t used? haha should prob change that too. But I also don’t want to change the whole blog design now that people actually look at it.

8. what's your post with the most notes?

original post? A Last Line tag of Terran falling asleep. Kinda a nice one so I can see why.

9. how many mutuals?

Please tell me how to find out your mutuals? Especially considering this is a sideblog and a lot of people follow form their main? Yeah I have no idea.

10. how many followers?

126

11. how many following?

Okay well keep in mind this is non writeblr-specific and I’ve been on here for 7 years......2,960

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

Almost definitely. Would not have any way to find it again, and probably not on this blog anyway. I can guarantee no one saw it.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

Wayyyy too much. Tumblr is my default.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

Oh absolutely. Let me tell about one of them though:

This was through the dateasapphicwho sideblog. There was this racist blog that kept reblogging our posts, and because we were a sideblog it was really hard to block them. The blog wasn’t openly racist it was just like “white positivity” and that shit. So I tried to message the blog and be like “hey these posts aren’t for you, we don’t appreciate your message how about you take them down” and she replied that once we made the posts others were free to reblog and add their own commentary to them. So while I was waiting for a good chance to deal with her I went “okay fine then, let me use your claim against you” and reblogged a bunch of her “positivity” posts with pics of WOC -- ex. there was a post saying how cute girls with freckles are and I reblogged and went “hell yeah they are” with a bunch of pics of WOC with freckles. I did get to block her and but before that she did back off sooooo I think I won?

15. how do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

I don’t like them. It makes me about 20% less likely to reblog the post. With a few exceptions, and I still will, butttt I don’t like.

16. do you like tag games?

Yes!!!! Please tag me in things I love them

17. do you like ask games?

Yep! I’ve reblogged a few ask games but I don’t get as much out of them, I’d love if I got asks more. It’s okay though.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I have no idea how to answer this question. I’m of the opinion that tumblr is not a place to get famous and if you’re “tumblr-famous” I‘m suspicious.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

Nope

20. tags?

Ummmmm I don’t really know who to tag here but if you’re up for it feel free to say I tagged you!

[sagemoderocklee]

Writer ask meme - everything divisible by 3

Sorry this took so long to reply to! I was writing out my responses today, but while watching Rosewell New Mexico with my roommate and that show is SO good. anyways this is really, really long so I will put part of it under a read more however if you are reading TAoL and want a sneak peak at an upcoming chapter, my answer to 36 is the entire first scene for that chapter

3. What is your favorite/least favorite part about writing? Other than the obvious writer's block, I think that my least favorite part is feeling insecure/wanting validation via comments and such. Writing is something I really enjoy doing and take great pride in trying to grow as a writer, but it's impossible to completely shake off that feeling of insecurity and sadness over something that doesn't get comments. There's this common thing in fandom where like you can pour a lot of heart and energy into something, be really skilled, only for it to get overlooked. There's obviously a lot of reasons for that, but some of those reasons are kind of annoying—like god forbid something not have sex in it, ya know?

6. Favorite character you’ve written?

So, that's hard.... If we're talking the canon Naruto characters, it can really vary from story to story. I obviously enjoy writing Gaara and Lee, but I was surprised to find that I really enjoy writing Shikamaru, Kankurou, Temari, Neji, and Tenten as well. I think all of them are really interested, have a lot of potential, and are fun in very different ways. Kankurou is definitely just flat out fun to write, and I think Tenten is very similar in the way she's fun to write. I think this like handful of characters are all faves for very different reasons so it's hard to say who my absolute fave is, but I really enjoy writing all of them. Definitely my fave thing is being able to write all of them interacting together, however.

9. Favorite/least favorite tropes?

Least: Soulmates. I hate that shit with a passion—it's boring, it's artificial, it's easy. There was a post I just saw recently that said “soulmates are stupid. I love you on purpose” and that just sums up so much of my issue with soulmates. If something is predetermined by some fucking cosmic power, do you really ever love that person? Do you really ever know that person? Soulmate AUs will always be something that bore me and also insight anger. It's just not for me, and I wish that fandom spaces would just get over it, in all honesty. Fave: uh. I don’t really know about like trope-wise. I just really like anything with good world building and politics.

12. Which story of yours do you like best? Why? Oh gosh.... um. That's really hard to answer because every story I write has a special place in my heart for different reasons. Alliance is my baby; TAoL is a huge emotional investment and has allowed me to grow even more as a writer; Absolution is something I've always wanted to explore; Flyweight Love is super fun and cute; IEYH is a new experiment in writing for me; GoD was also an experiment... and on and on. It's hard to pick like a favorite story because like they're all my faves in different ways. There are certainly things I like more or prefer, like I'm not that into modern Aus as much so it's easier for me to say that like Find Me isn't a one of my best—it isn't, there's a lot of things I want to fix on it, and while it is a decent fic, it's not like groundbreaking imo. But like for all of the things that need fixing with Alliance, that fic is my baby and really grounded me as a writer in a way no other writing project had before it. So like I could never not love it. Anyways, I'm babbling at this point, but basically I love all my fics so I can't choose.

15. How do you deal with self-doubt when writing? Rereading my writing tends to help and hoarding some of my favorite comments I've been left by readers. I know I'm a good writer, self-doubt and insecurities aside, so re-reading stuff is really a good confidence booster—but when that's not enough, it is really helpful to look back at old comments.

18. Tell us about that one book you’ll never let anyone read

Of mine??? Well, obviously by 'book' we're going with fanfiction because none of my original content is at a point where I'd really even consider it for this question. Um. Honestly, I don't think there's much if anything. Maybe some HP fics but not because I'm not like... proud of the writing or premise. Like I'd say my ideas are really good, it's just a matter of like my own time management and shit.

21. What aspect of your writing are you most proud of?

My world building. I'm also generally proud of the premises I come up with, and the themes I explore with my writing. Like I think I'm a good writer in terms of the like technical writing aspect—pros and such—and also characters, but I think I excel at world building and overall plot.

24. Do you remember the moment you decided to become a writer/author? The first time I ever wrote anything I was seven years old. I was at a party for my mom's boss? I think it was a birthday party? Anyway, I was the only kid there—which was fine because I was used to being the only kid in gatherings—but I was sitting alone by like a window and I just like started writing a poem about the night. That was like the first time that writing really became a part of me. When I was thirteen, when my mom got sick, I started writing poetry more. And when I was fourteen, I started writing fanficiton and that's kinda just... never stopped. I've been writing stories ever since.

27. Every writer’s least favorite question - where does your inspiration come from? Do you do certain things to make yourself more inspired? Is it easy for you to come up with story ideas?

My inspiration comes from everywhere, not to like be cliched. But inspiration really is in everything and everyone. I tend to find inspiration really easily in music, but it's also in just like the day-to-day; it's in other writers; it's in washing dishes; it's in a day trip to the ocean; it's in a quote or a touch or a word. Like genuinely, it's in big things and little things and things that shouldn't even be things. I don't feel like I really struggle with inspiration so much as motivation, really. And that is... a much harder thing to find sometimes (especially when you're mentally ill)

30. Do you like to read books similar to your project while you’re drafting or do you stick to non-fiction/un-similar works?

Um. I like to read fantasy mostly, but I don't look for something similar or different from my projects intentionally. I just.... look for things that I like? But I don't really know how to explain that lol

33. What’s your revision/rewriting process like? Since I'm writing mostly fanfiction and the culture of having a beta reader has dwindled significantly, making it hard to find one, I do a lot of self-editing. I'm usually re-reading a lot as I'm writing. So until a chapter is done, I'm always going back and reading/editing before moving on to the next scene. And then once I'm done writing a chapter I'll usually edit it about two or three times in full in the document, then I put it in draft on Ao3 for another edit before posting.

36. Post a snippet All right a snippet..... Let's go with something from: The Art of Love, Chapter 13 (not the next chapter, but the one after). Since I left everyone hanging for so long with that last scene of Gaara and Lee, this is the entire first scene to ch13: It was all his fault. If he hadn't let himself get so carried away in the dream of Gyokukakushin, in the dream of Gaara, in the dream of safety they didn't have this wouldn't be happening. Their belongings had been stuffed haphazardly into their various bags. Despite how many times he'd checked and double checked, Lee felt sure that he'd overlooked something—some wayward item that had rolled beneath the bed or fallen behind the desk that would give them away. Gaara had watched him silently, his thoughts kept to himself as Lee dashed about their room like a mad man.

“I think that is everything,” Lee managed over the mantra of 'My fault, my fault' cycling through his mind. His voice trembled as he spoke. Every inch of him trembled. Every breath he took rattled in his chest. Every beat of his heart was a stutter against his rib cage. Every ounce of blood pumping through his veins burned with the need to run.

“This is useless,” Gaara said, the first words he'd spoken since the beach.

Lee snapped his head up, meeting Gaara's enigmatic gaze. “But—”

“They don't set sail until the end of the month,” he reminded Lee. “What use is being packed? Besides, it will look suspicious if we leave now.”

Tears burned at the corners of Lee's eyes. “But if they are coming—”

“They're coming,” Gaara murmured. “But even if they arrive before we've departed, we have our disguises. You have to trust that we'll be fine.”

Lee's head spun. How could Gaara be so calm? How could he sit there, quiet and unshakable, when Lee felt as though the world were falling apart around them? How could he be so sure that eleven days from now, they'd set sail, free and undiscovered? How was he not furious with Lee for his complacency?

Gaara was at Lee's side before Lee could shake the spinning in his head, a gentle hand at Lee's elbow and a surety in his eyes.

“I know you won't let anything happen to me,” he told Lee, as soft and insistent as the thumb he'd once pressed against the corner of Lee's mouth.

“No. Never.” Lee's stomach twisted, guilt rising like the tide. He'd let his feelings jeopardize everything.

“Then what do you have to fear?”

A trembling laugh escaped Lee, soft and unsteady. He had everything to fear, yet Gaara's gaze implored him to forget those fears. He managed to speak, his tongue heavy with the lie, “I do not know.”

“Then do not know fear. It will make this harder for us, especially if the Daimyo's soldiers arrive before we've left.”

“If they do—”

“If they do, we will be as unknown to them as any other traveler. And if not, I trust your speed to carry us to safety.”

“We would miss our ship.”

“If it comes to that, so be it. We can find other ways of traveling to Tea Country.”

Lee allowed himself to believe all would be well because he couldn't believe anything else when looking into the depths of Gaara's eyes, but there was no escaping his gnawing guilt or the knowledge that his heart had led them to ruin.

39. Do you spend a lot of time analyzing and studying the work of authors you admire? I wouldn't say a lot of time per say, certainly not as much as I should, but I definitely do like to analyze other works and learn new skills, etc.

42. How many drafts do you usually write before you feel satisfied? I don't really write “drafts” per say. Since I'm just writing fanfiction, I'm usually just writing and then heavily editing. Sometimes editing does mean taking out and entirely rewriting entire scenes. And sometimes in writing fics, I do jump ahead—though very rarely—and write a rough draft of a future scene so I don't lose the idea/beats/etc, and then that will be re-written fully when I do get to it. But on average, I'm just doing a lot of editing.

45. First or third person? Third, definitely. I'll never be able to write first person cause it just doesn't really suit me and, overall, I think that it's a very hard point of view to write from. For me, it takes a special

48. Do you prefer to write skimpy drafts and flesh them out later, or write too much and cut it back? So before I write something, depending on what it is I will write an outline that can vary from a few sentences to like pages.

51. Are you a secretive writer or do you talk with your friends about your books? A bit of both really. I love talking about the things I'm working on, but I also love to keep things a surprise so I can see what people's genuine reactions are to like plot twists or whatever. Of course, my problem is that I have to like—talk about my projects to stay motivated. It's a hard balance. I usually end up talking with my roommate since they also write fanfic for Naruto but not GaaLee. We can bounce ideas off each other, when we're stuck, etc.

54. Favorite first line/opening you’ve written? Ugh this is another hard one...  I think im gonna go with the opening from IEYH right now as one of my fave becuase I think I did a decent job of setting the tone of my very first horror project: Too often, ghost stories begin with dark nights or horrible, gruesome death. Real ghosts don't follow the patterns of a novel; there are no beginnings, middles, and ends; no rising action and falling action; no denouement. Ghosts do not achieve resolution; ghost do not experience the climax of their own tale. There are no happy—or even sad—endings. There are no endings at all.

Ghost stories go on and on and on, rambling endlessly towards nothing and no where, only stopping for the finite amount of words one can speak or write in one's lifetime.

That is the true horror of death: ceaseless, unending nothingness.

[dainobones]

it baffles me that ppl on here still send me messages about the pokemon fandom, and more specifically the g/s fandom, like i care or have anything to contribute

so lemme just. sum it up one last time and then the anons are getting blocked, along with a couple of other semi-regular questions i'm not gonna answer

i dont write fics atm bcuz i'm busy and uninspired

part of why i'm uninspired is absolutely ppl messaging me about Drama

mostly i'm uninspired bcuz other stuff i've been writing is 1000x more interesting than anything i was writing for pkmn fandom

i left that one discord server bcuz i didnt like it

there's nothing deeper to me not liking it. i thought the place had bad vibes every time i visited, so i left

i cannot tell you anything about the ppl on the server or who runs it bcuz i literally cant remember them and to my memory, never rly knew them / was never friends with them

if you think it has bad vibes too, cool, i don't care, it's got nothing to do with me how you feel about a place that also has nothing to do with me

if i had to say any one thing that annoys me about g/s fans, it's the tendency to whine incessantly about lack of content while never contributing content or supporting what there is. THAT'S why i dont check tags any more, and yes, it's a contributing factor in my lack of interest in the ship any more. i find the hypocrisy annoying and the complaining about what's there unfair. the way ppl talk about that ship and the content for it makes me second-guess why i even like it, which is sad bcuz i've shipped it since 2000, but oh well!!! i dont rly miss it i just get frustrated when ppl remind me of all this

yes i was online harassed for years and it was horrible. there is literally no reason for anyone except me to bring it up any more tho. and no!!! it does not have anything to do with that server!!!!

i literally never think about that server unless ppl are on here asking me shit about it or telling me their grievances for god knows what reason. i cannot emphasise this enough: if we're not friends, that's your personal problem, and you need to deal with it instead of dumping it on a stranger.

"do you think ppl are parasocial with you" dont be absurd. i'm too much of a non-presence for that to be the case. i think ppl are either venting bcuz they dont know anyone else in the fandom, or they think venting their fandom frustrations will make me wanna be their friend but no, it doesn't, bcuz it's petty bullshit and i dont care

"are you going to update [insert fic]" probably not

"are you going to write [insert fic idea]" probably not

"where can i find your original writing" lol it's. not hard but i'm also not gonna tell you bcuz *gestures at vague legal things*

"why dont more ppl support your original writing??" idk. have you tried reccing it? i dont promote it more than the bare minimum requirements. in part bcuz of my personality disorder but also bcuz i dont have a reason to be invested in it being successful. no i will not explain that further, the moment anyone says something about how Publishing Industries Work ppl take it as gospel but this is a very unique and localised situation. that's as much as you'll get.

i'm also not invested in my fics being read or whatever bcuz to me fics are a low-pressure low-priority hobby and it's easier to keep it that way if there arent many ppl reading what i'm writing. it's nice when ppl do!! love it when ppl do and enjoy it and have nice things to say!!!! but i write fics just to have some fun and then post them if i think other ppl can have some fun with it too. no skin off my nose if they're not read, but also: i know other fic writers see it differently, and they are completely right and valid to feel that way!!! it's MUCH easier to write with validation & attention, if you are someone who thrives from validation & attention.

"why dont you post more" bcuz i dont have anything to say

"can i follow you on twitter" if you can find the one i actually use, sure, give a go, i'll prob deny your req unless i recognise your username

and inb4

"why dont you just remake" that.... seems like more effort than this place is worth? and mostly i dont get this stuff it's like. once or twice a month and then i get annoyed

"why dont you turn off ask" bcuz mostly theyre fine and old friends/mutuals checking in and i mean. it's not that i dont LIKE attention/validation i just dont NEED it

"why are you being so rude" i'm trying to scare ppl off....... duh.....

"why is this so unreadable" i thought about formatting it better but god that's more effort than i wanna give like. just writing this is enough, and that's an effort born out of frustrating from almost two years of these messages

ANYWAY GOOD NIGHT

[goldenspecter]

Forgivness

Summary: “I was possessed! Da-A ghost took over my body!” Tucker shouts and that’s the moment he breaks down, pulling his hands away from his parents and holding him close to his chest-if he holds his chest, then no one can enter his body. That burning in his chest is back as he sobs brokenly. Here he was, breaking down over something Danny did to him and here he is, still holding on to Danny’s secret. Where was the fairness in that? “I didn’t want to!”

Valerie doesn’t know how to forgive someone. She’s never really had to, because people usually don’t hurt her this badly. Usually they apologize on the spot for some minor thing and Valerie instantly forgives them because she knows that they meant her no harm.

In which we see how Tucker copes with the events of Parental Bonding and Valerie gets some closure.

Archive of Our Own | FFN

Notes:

Here's the first side story in the AU! I'm quite happy with how this one turned out and hopefully plan on doing more of these as the AU progresses!

I knew I had to write this after writing that confrontation scene between Tucker and Valerie in the French Braids and it's been something I've been wanting to write anyways. Not to mention that I'm currently having some form of writers block when it's coming to writing the next part of the other fic.

- I've seen plenty of works within the fandom that addresses how overshadowing/possessing someone fucks them up but I don't think I've quite seen anything that talks about how it personally affected Tucker. It's really, really, really fucked up for Tucker to explicitly say no and not consent to be overshadowed and Danny, his best friend and someone who's the narrative says is a good person, ignore Tucker and do it any way and deeply violate his agency and consent. Even more fucked up that the narrative plays this for jokes at the end of the episode. This is literally a Vlad move my dudes, this is something that we should expect of Vlad because we know that he doesn't really view people as actual people, just pawns that he can use to meet a goal. Danny doing shit like this multiple times throughout canon(and it being played for jokes) only makes him more like Vlad. A more interesting concept would have been Danny asking to overshadow someone/not using except for dire circumstances but canon said fuck good ideas right?

-Valerie deserves closure. She deserves good things, good things and she deserves closure for being stood up at home coming.

-Re: Self-Harm Tag: Okay so Tucker has a certain behavior in this fic where he picks at scabs in his hair until they bleed but the thing is, Tucker doesn't really have a choice whether or not he wants to do it but rather it's compulsive. He doesn't really realize he's doing it and doesn't intend to cause physical damage(whereas its the opposite with self-harming) but he knows its a thing. Trichotillomania (hair pulling) and skin picking are commonly seen in autistic people. It can serve as a way to self-soothe and self-stimulate the individual in day to day life. Some Autism Specialists can classify this behavior as a SIB(Self-Injurious-Behavior) since it is harmful to the person's body. Also I do this a lot, have been for several years and once again the projection is real.

-Also Tucker in this AU has a really hardcore squish(friend crush) on Valerie but doesn't really understand/realize that he just wants to be friends with her and thus pursued her in a romantic manner.

Timeline wise in the AU: The first half, in Tucker’s POV, takes place right after Parental Bonding, through One of a Kind and mid way through pt one of French Braids. The second half, Valerie’s POV, is after pt one of French Braids and in between Attack of the Killer Garage Sale and Splitting Images.

-----

When Tucker fully comes back into his body, he's at the homecoming dance. Dragon Sam’s been subdued and back to her normal self and the three of them are standing in the middle of the dance floor.

“Dude, sorry your date didn't pan out. Where is Paulina anyway?” asks Tucker, the words taste bitter in his mouth as he says them.

Sam shrugs, “Ah, who cares? Look, the DJ's still playing. I think there's time for one last dance?”

“Sure, I’d love to,” Danny turns and hands the amulet to Tucker. “Keep an eye on this will you?”

Danny doesn’t bother waiting for an answer before dropping the amulet in Tucker’s hands. Tucker’s fingers instinctively curl around the amulet and Tucker turns away from Danny’s smile because all he can see now is Danny’s green eyes smiling at him before Danny took over. How come he didn’t get an apology for being forced to stand up Valerie? How come he’s the only one who doesn’t get a happy ending this time around? How come Danny gets to pretend like none of this ever happened while he was stuck with the aftermath?

Tucker swallows the lump in his chest, “Wait a second,” he begins,  “I’m dateless again?! What does a guy have to do to get hooked up around here?”

“I want to go to the ball!” wails Dora.

He doesn’t know why he had to turn his feelings into a mere joke. He does of course. Because no one here really thinks his feelings matter and jokes are the only way he has right now to process it. Tucker knows this but can’t help the heartache and nausea bury when Danny and Sam laugh at his misfortune. Can they not see that he’s hurting or do they just not care ?

The fourteen year old forces a smile on his face as he steps away from Dora. “Maybe I don’t need a date that badly,” he says and runs away from the blooming romance and the burning in his chest.

~~~~~~~

Home should be safe. Home was safe. Home was where it happened, so how safe was he? Tucker opens the door and both of his parents are there, sitting at the table waiting for him.

How safe were they? Were any of them safe anymore?

His parents look up from the card game they were playing, “Tucker?” his mom asks, with confusion in her eyes. “It’s pretty early, you shouldn’t be home for another hour or two.”

Tucker shakes his head, kicking the door behind him. “Wanted to go home early.” He turns around facing the door and locks it, and with it, his emotions.

Maurice blinks, laying down his cards. “Did something happen dear?”

Tucker shakes his head even harder. “It’s nothing,” his voice cracks slightly and he can feel his parents' looks of concern.

Maurice stands up and slowly walks towards him, “Something happened dear,” he says softly and Tucker just knows that he can’t keep up this facade any longer. “Whatever happened, it’ll be okay.”

“No it won’t,” he says in a rough whisper. Maybe, if he keeps his eyes down then he won't lose it. “It won’t ever be.”

Maurice tries to wrap his arm around his son but steps back when his son roughly pushes him away. He tries again, but this time, he gently takes one of his son's hands and holds it in his. “Please, just talk to us.”

It’s the desperation in his dad’s voice that does it for him, that finally gets him to talk. “I stood up Valerie,” he says, voice cracking and thick with emotion, growing more and more panicked by the second. “I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to, I didn’t have a choice.”

“What do you mean, you didn’t have a choice?” Angela asks, coming up to him and taking his other hand in hers.

“I was possessed! Da-A ghost took over my body!” Tucker shouts and that’s the moment he breaks down, pulling his hands away from his parents and holding him close to his chest-if he holds his chest, then no one can enter his body. That burning in his chest is back as he sobs brokenly. Here he was, breaking down over something Danny did to him and here he is, still holding on to Danny’s secret. Where was the fairness in that? “I didn’t want to!”

Maurice gets over his initial shock at Tucker’s outburst, before he jumps in to help his hurting son. “Tucker, can you take deep breaths with me?” he takes exaggerated deep breaths, “Follow my breathing.”

“I can’t,” he manages to say through a sob, “It’s not safe, you aren’t safe, none of us are safe.”

“You’re safe honey, you’re safe,” Angela says, sliding off his hat and gently stroking his hair in an effort to calm him down. “Maybe we can go to the Fentons-”

Tucker reels back and the panic kicks into overdrive, “No!” The sobbing grows into deep and broken wails. They can’t go to Ground Zero, where the source of this misery originated from, because then all three of them definitely won’t be safe. Home is safer, Home has to be safer, Home needs to be safer.

Maurice and Angela look at each other in confusion, unable to understand why their child was so adamant about not going to the Fentons. Both parents put aside their confusion to help their son calm down, taking nearly 45 minutes to do so. Once Tucker was calm, they gave him some water and some medications to help him sleep through the night. Maurice walks his son upstairs,  stands outside the door as he changes into pajamas and personally tucks his son in for the night, turning out the light and leaving Tucker’s door slightly ajar.

Tucker doesn’t leave the house for the rest of the weekend.

~~~~~~

Tucker wants to stay away from Danny, he doesn’t feel safe near him anymore. He doesn’t know when his best friend is going to overshadow his body and take control of him.

He’s just on the brink of telling Danny to leave him alone, to not talk to him anymore when Danny says he needs them both to help him with ghost hunting and studying for the test.

Tucker feels the no on his tongue, practically taste it, but instead a sour yes spills out instead.

The incident with the Purple Back Gorilla happens and the week passes by quickly. Tucker can not help but feel uneasy, thankful when the weekend comes by.

Somehow, someway he’s at the grocery store and he comes across Valerie pushing a cart with a little kid inside of it. Nerves garble his voice even as he clears his voice, “Valerie? I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a while.”

“Go away Tucker,” she says and he can hear the anger boiling in her.

“I know I messed up-”

She whips around, her green eyes narrowing at him in anger and he feels so small right about now. “You left me!” she hisses, “I was alone!”

Tucker winces, rubbing his neck. “Let me explain Valerie.”

"You don't get to explain how you stood me up at homecoming," Valerie starts, her voice tight. "You don't get to waltz in here-" Her shoulders deflate, the anger leaving her body and soon washes her over with sadness. Tucker knows that she’s holding herself back and he can only assume it’s because of the kid in the cart.

"Go," she points down the aisle, "I don't want to hear your excuses."

Tucker bows his head in shame, walking down the aisle and out of the store with the few items he bought, his chance to repair...whatever he wanted to have with Valerie gone.

~~~~~

Valerie doesn’t know how to forgive someone. She’s never really had to, because people usually don’t hurt her this badly. Usually they apologize on the spot for some minor thing and Valerie instantly forgives them because she knows that they meant her no harm.

But with Tucker? She has no idea where to begin. The only reason she’s considering forgiving Tucker in the first place is because Clockwork told her that Tucker didn’t want to stand her up, that he didn’t mean to hurt her, that Clockwork knew what happened that night but couldn’t tell her.

Clockwork leans over her shoulder as she contemplates sending Tucker a text. “What are you doing?” they ask, sipping on their juice.

“Trying to send a text,” she says, “To Tucker to talk about...you know.”

Clockwork tilts their head before nodding in realization. “What’s stopping you?”

“I don’t know what to say!” Valerie says, throwing her hands up in frustration. “That’s just it!”

The small child shrugs, “Mmm, just go with what feels right?” they question in a stilted voice.  

Valerie raises an eyebrow, “That doesn’t sound like you.”

“I picked it up from someone on one of the TV shows you were watching,” Clockwork says, “I thought it was appropriate.”

It was appropriate, she has to give them that, no matter how stilted and unnatural they sounded while saying it. She encouragingly rubs their back, “You did good, though.” she praises, pulling them in close to her for a side hug.

Valerie’s thumb hovers over the keyboard, typing and retyping her message until she’s satisfied with it and pressing send.

You: I’ve thought about it and I’m giving you one chance to explain yourself. Meet me at the park at 5:30. I’ll be at the tables near the swings.

Several minutes pass by before she feels her phone vibrate, looking down to see the notification.

Tucker: Okay, meet you there.

Valerie sighs, pulling away from Clockwork. She sits up, checks the time on her phone. It’s 4:45 now and the park was only a five to ten minute walk from the Nasty Burger. Then again, it didn’t hurt to be early, Clockwork could play on the swings while she waits for him to meet her.

“You finished with your food?” she asks Clockwork, who nods. “Come on, we’re heading to the park.”

“Whoo!” exclaims Clockwork, eagerly sliding out of the dining booth. Valerie shakes her head with a smile, picking up their trays, dumping the food and sitting the trays on top of the trash cans as they walk out of the diner. Traffic was a little heavy, which only set them back by five minutes and the two managed to get to Amity Park in a timely manner.

Once they’re in the park, Valerie hunts for the set of swings. She quickly finds it, the tables she mentioned earlier close by. She sits down at the wooden tables and tells Clockwork to go play on the swing, which they do without a fuss. Valerie checks her phone again, the time now 5:05, leaving her with only twenty five minutes till Tucker was supposed to be here. She decides to scroll through her social media, occasionally breaking away from her phone to check on Clockwork.

Valerie feels the table and bench groan and shift under new weight, she looks up and Tucker is sitting right across from her.

He looks nervous and uncertain. So is she.

Turning her phone screen off and placing it face down on the table, Valerie sits there in silence for a moment before speaking.

“Uh, speak your truth,” Valerie says awkwardly and she wishes that she had gone over what she was going to say. “Don’t bullshit me.”

“I got possessed by a ghost,” Tucker says, looking away from her and throwing his hands out. “I don’t remember what happened when I was possessed.”

“We’re her best friends! We should have known.” Danny laments.

“It’s not our responsibility to read and protect Sam’s emotions, she should have said she wanted to go to the dance from the beginning,” Tucker says back, straightening his tie a bit. “There’s nothing we can do about it now anyways.”

Danny thinks for a moment, then a mischievous smile appears as green eyes flash at Tucker.

Tucker realizes what Danny wants him to do, “No way. Forget it. Absolutely not. No!” he loudly protests and the next thing he knows, he’s feeling a gaping hole in his chest as his consciousness is taken over by Danny.

“You were possessed….by a ghost?” Valerie asks incredulously, she feels something tugging her arms. Looking down, she sees Clockwork looking up at her with their big eyes, silently saying “He’s telling the truth.”

Tucker’s nods, “I know that sounds absurd and it sounds stupid but it happened and I’m so sorry that I stood you up.” Tucker pleads, holding his face in his hands, one of them crawling up to his head and pulling at the short curls. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m so, so sorry.”

Valerie notices how distressed Tucker sounds, how his voice cracks a tiny bit after he shields his face from her and how broken Tucker looks and sounds. There have been plenty of ghosts attacks in the city and it sounds just as likely he was possessed by one of these ghosts. He didn’t have a reason to make any of this up;  it wouldn’t have made sense if he did since he was too excited to be her date to the dance.

Clockwork’s words ring in her head, “If it helps, he didn't want to hurt you.He didn't want to though," and she gets it. She finally gets it.

Valerie reaches out, uncertain as she pulls Tucker’s hands away from his hair, not saying anything as she notices blood staining the pads of his fingers and holds it in her hand. Tucker stops shaking, stops pleading, simply stops and looks at Valerie, waiting for her to confirm his worst suspicions.

“That possession stuff? That’s some weak shit fam,” she says, “But I forgive you.”

Tucker’s body sags with relief, and the unheard ‘Thank You’ is loud enough for all three of them at the table.

Clockwork reaches forward, takes one of Tucker’s hands and holds it.

Valerie grabs a tissue and some hand sanitizer out of her book bag, squeezes some on the tissue and begins gently wiping the blood off of his finger pads. He tries to pull back but Valerie tightens her grip on him.

“Let...let us handle this,” she says softly, continuing to wipe the blood off his fingers. “Why so much blood?”

Tucker looks away in embarrassment.  “I have a thing where I can’t help but pick at the scabs in my hair,” he explains, “It gets really bad sometimes.”

“I bet what happened hasn’t helped any,” Valerie says, silently gesturing for Clockwork to give her his other hand so she can continue. “Do you remember the ghost who did it?”

Tucker shakes his head, “No,” The lie comes too easily. The little kid sitting next to Valerie eyes him with some scrutiny, and Tucker resists the urge to pull away from Valerie while wondering if this kid knew more than they let on. “What would you do if you ever found them?”

“Punch them in the face,” Valerie says without skipping a beat, oblivious to Clockwork’s and Tucker’s simultaneous wince. “No ghost gets away with possessing my friends.”

“Friend?” Tucker repeats back, “We’re friends?”

“Well, yeah,” Valerie answers, as if it wasn’t obvious. “You’re my friend now.”

Tucker blinks several times to make sure he heard her properly. “Oh, okay.”

Valerie finishes wiping the blood off of his fingers and he slowly pulls them back towards his chest. “I should go home now,” Tucker says, standing up and pulling away from the table.

“Why don’t we go with you? Me and...Isaiah can keep you company while you walk home. Ghosts probably won’t attack if all three of us are together.” Valerie says, standing up to wipe the imaginary dirt off her orange skirt. Isaiah follows suit, tightly holding her hand. “You in?”

“Sure,” he stutters. The three begin the walk to Tucker’s house and as they walk, he can’t help but focus on how safe he feels with Valerie and Isaiah and feels that gaping hole in his chest slowly begin to heal.

[clumsyclifford]

bella I would love a directors cut on literally any of the rilex you’ve written, but specifically it’s always her, and you, and me, or for these days you’ve been stuck in my brain 💙

OHHHHHH those are some CHOICESSSSSS lucy. fuck yeah. let’s get into it. ill link them both here but we’ll take em one at a time

it’s always her, and me, you

these days you’ve been stuck in my brain

here’s a cut for convenience cos i KNOW i’m gonna go long here.

okay! let’s start with the rilisex fic.

it’s always her, and me, and you

so like it says in the ao3 notes, this fic came from realizing just how frequently rian and alex kiss each other like, all the time? just? casually? for funsies? this was another one of those situations like i mentioned where the hook aka first line (“Rian's no expert, but he doesn't think normal friends kiss this much.”) just appeared in my head and i was like heyyy that’s a GOOD first line. i have to build from that line. that’s the hook, that’s the summary, that’s the core. 

something i discovered upon searching through the editing history of the doc: i had originally sort of intended to go a direction with this where in some other circumstance, rian would see alex giving jack a super casual friendly kiss and he’d get all sad/jealous and be like sure why SHOULDNT alex kiss jack after all its just a thing he does with his FRIENDS. but the fic ended up going a different way and honestly? im glad. i like this way better.

the role of singin in the rain in this fic actually has a HILARIOUS backstory because the night i originally wrote that conversation in the tour bus kitchen, i went into the club and said the following

and then. the next day. rian streamed with ricky, and i asked if he’d ever seen singin in the rain, and he ANSWERED ME and said he hadn’t. so first of all i had already written the scene and i then had to rewrite it to make it so rian wouldn’t have seen it but also!!! i literally asked rian fucking dawson if he’d seen a movie for the sole reason of using that information for fanfiction!!!! and he provided me with the information i needed!!!! whole thing is just fucking hysterical to me. ANYWAY.

ANYWAY, the other reason why sitr has such a big role in the fic is because megs and i watched the movie together while i was in the middle of working on the fic, so it was extremely fresh in my mind. in fact i can probably show you this: i had this comment left for myself when i was kind of trying to figure out if i could make a real metaphor of sorts with the sitr ot3 and the Big Three of this fic. some of this ended up in rian’s wild musings in the hotel scene but i did conclude that it wouldn’t really have worked and that was definitely true but anyway. fuck it, director’s cut, here’s the kind of shit i leave for myself to refer to

so that’s part of the reason why it became such a puzzle piece of this fic, but real talk, it’s also just because i love singin in the rain it’s one of my favorite movies lmao

briefly gonna also touch on lisa and why she’s in this fic because i realize that rian/alex/lisa is an interesting approach to rilex! first of all, i love lisa. i love alex and lisa. and it occurred to me that there was really no reason to split lisex up just to make rilex happen. plus there’s this tweet that really just pushed me over the edge of being like yeah, rilisex is extremely plausible. so that’s that on that.

as for the scene in the hotel room while they’re watching sitr, there is a small piece of that scene - from when alex starts kissing rian’s shoulders etc to “it would defy the laws of nature not to” - that i actually wrote before anything else in that scene. that small piece got stretched out and edited quite a bit from how it started but it did function as a sort of foundation around which i built the rest of the scene, because that small section sort of ~came to me~ absolutely out of nowhere, and i really liked the Vibe it had and i wanted to include it. i THINK that was the only piece of this fic that i wrote Out Of Order - for the most part this was written chronologically.

ALSO!!! omg this is exciting, this fic actually has a deleted scene!!!!!! i hate cutting scenes but i also hate having scenes that are less than 1k and this one didn’t really contribute much to the fic. i can probably share it here right? sure why not ! hopefully you can read this. it originally took place after the scene where alex and rian call lisa for the first time. the question of “what gets left into interview videos and what gets cut” is also just interesting to me as a (fic) concept in general so...eyes emoji, but here’s my mini-exploration that i cut from the original fic. enjoy lol it’s silly <3

oh! also one more thing!! the very final scene was included for two reasons. the first reason being that when i write getting-together fics, i really prefer to add on a scene After they Get Together because i love to write domestic established relationship stuff and i think that’s a satisfying reward for a reader who’s just slogged through all the mutual pining and bullshit to get the characters together. but the OTHER reason is that i got an anon (here it is!) and i read that ask and was immediately like well shit. now i have to fucking include this. for the anon and for myself. so you can thank that anon for that last scene. (also i wanted to include merrikat especially since i had to cut their little moment in the interview scene above.)

so....................whew. i think i’ve bled that fic dry. holy shit that’s a lot of Stuff. OKAY! let’s move on.

~

these days you’ve been stuck in my brain

so!!! THIS fic was the breakthrough after (what felt like) a long bout of writer’s block. long for me was maybe two weeks, but i am the kind of person who is always writing, and two weeks was a long time to go with little to no inspiration/motivation to write anything. i had also been in a weird narrative headspace because i’d been binge-watching disney shows (jessie > austin and ally > girl meets world) and i don’t know how well i can explain this but the way those shows are written is a lot snappier and cares way less for realistic and consistent character development or plots or relationships, and so i was stuck between caring a lot about including those things in my fics but also being unable to conceptualize them in writing because my brain was in Disney Writing Mode. does that make sense? this is rhetorical so let’s go with yes. so anyway. i was in a slump

actually what i ended up doing was basically googling something like “au prompts tumblr” or something and just scrolling through posts. i saw something about soulmate telepathy and i actually tried to write something totally different before i wrote this one, but the first attempt was a different concept and then the direction i took it was like......it wasn’t quite right and i realized that i was kind of writing dark disney style? there is really no way for me to explain what i mean by that because it seems really obvious to me but that’s just because i’m inside my own head so just take my word. 

anyway. attempt #1 of soulmate telepathy rilex went poorly, and this fic was attempt #2. i kinda took the soulmate telepathy thing and changed it as i saw fit and i also went back to skim helen’s telepathy fic because obviously she’s the pro and then i tried not to steal her ideas. and as i was writing it i kinda realized i was doing the whole quirky funny best friend character with jack and also doing the whole “somehow this not-very-dramatic situation with teenagers is treated as The Most Dramatic Thing Ever and that’s totally normal and nobody finds it strange” disney trope with rian and alex being soulmates and i was like (deep sigh) i have to accept that no matter how much i try to fight this, this fic is going to be tainted with disney. and that’s life

on top of that i will add that the real-life rilex were extremely inspiring during the two-day period during which i wrote this fic, because that was when the once in a lifetime video came out and in the brief pre-video livestream rilex were Beyond Married and that definitely helped in the writing of fic rilex!

hmmmm what can i tell you about this fic itself.................honestly, i don’t think there’s much to tell! rian is a band kid because in real life rian was a band kid and he’s staff manager at rita’s just like he was in real life. there is truthfully not a lot to unpack here that i can think of!

oh here’s something i guess: rian and alex go on a date in this fic! that is because watching So Much Disney made me realize that i often forget the fact that people just. go on dates. sometimes. look i clearly do not have an active romantic life but i also really liked the idea of alex and rian going on a date despite not knowing if they’d be soulmates or not and liking each other organically just by getting to know each other, rather than being victim to the whole soulmate thing. like i wanted them to build a connection so that they would want to be soulmates. and then the audience would want that for them too. stakes!! very important.

i can tell you i had a mild crisis over the title of the fic because i am not a fan of the word brain and i didnt wanna use that sticky lyric for the title when it had a word i hated but it was objectively a much better title option than the other one i had, which was “sticky just like the song in my head” but i obviously decided on the former and it has not upset me nearly as much as i expected it to so that was the right decision imo

so! i think that’s all on that! sorry (?) that it got so long although then again i don’t know what’s to be expected in a director’s cut for two long fics but thank you for asking me about these, i love them both so very much rilex is so supremely underrated but so very important

[nyisles]

Magic In The Hamptons

Part FOUR

part one | part two | part three 

Player: Mathew Barzal 

Words: 3.2K 

Warnings: language, questionable steam? - tryna keep this pg 13 because i’m not a smut writer. 

Notes: thank the LORD the writers block has passed. Lmk what you peeps think (i crave validation), of course she isn’t edited so yeah just uhh enjoy. 

         Deep breath, you reminded yourself. It was hard though as you looked around the room you were in realizing this definitely was Mat’s place. The pictures of him and his family on a bedside table, and a hockey bag in the corner of the room. What did you do last night, (Y/N), you thought to yourself. You laid in bed for another two minutes before realizing you couldn’t just hide here, as comfortable as it was. This wasn’t even your apartment. Sliding your legs over to the side of the bed, slowly bringing yourself up, a pounding headache came on like you knew it would. You cursed yourself to never drink again, especially never a drink that Mat Barzal makes. Padding down the hall, you found yourself in the living room, the only place in Mat’s apartment you’d ever seen before. It was all nicely decorated, barely looking like a bachelor pad and something a bit homey-er. Much to your surprise Mat was curled up in a few blankets, sleeping quite peacefully on the couch. Had you kicked him out of his own bed after… well… after maybe what you think might have happened. “Mat.” you whispered. No response. “Mat.” you whispered a little louder. No response. Suddenly you found yourself going over and poking him square in the chest. “Mat.” 

         His eyes fluttered open, and a sly little smile came across his face. It disgusted you, well not really, it disgusted you how much you loved it. “Ah, glad to see you’re alive this morning. I was a little worried.” He said in the raspiest morning voice you’d ever heard in your life. It felt like your knees might give in, his morning voice was just that attractive. Do something gross, you said internally trying to challenge him. You just sighed, throwing your head down doing a little bit of your best mopey charlie brown impression. “I literally had to throw you over my shoulder after the uber, force you into the bathroom to change and then you had the audacity of saying the sweatpants i gave you were scratchy so you made us swap right then and there.” Sliding his legs over so you could sit down on the couch, you let out a sigh. “I am...so sorry.” was all you could muster up not even looking at his face. The embarrassment was far too strong. “(Y/N), you have a killer ass, I am not sorry.” 

         Your face turned the brightest shade of red in the whole human existence, you were truly a tomato, not even... You were a fire hydrant. “Jesus, Mat.” was all you could mutter before giving his legs a little push as he tried to stretch them out across your lap. In all honesty you couldn’t even make eye contact with him, so you just had to watch him from the corner of your eyes. “Honesty is the best policy, and to be fair that is all I saw.” He said throwing his hands up in the air to prove his innocence, hard to believe he was all that innocent. Deep down you were slightly pleased, and completely relieved that’s where it ended. A subtle showing of the ass was something you could live with, or at least learn to get over in a few months, maybe days. “And maybe next time you can let me at least have half of my bed instead of telling me I had to stay on the couch. This shit is going to mess with my back, have fun telling all of Long Island you’re the reason I’m out due to undisclosed back issues.”  Rolling your eyes you, picked the pillow off the back of the couch behind you whacking his body with it. He let out a little groan as he decided to sit up, as he glanced over at the clock on the wall. “You’re joking, (Y/N). It’s only 6:30.”

         “Then go to your real bed, I should probably go home, pop an advil, and try to sleep this off.” Mat rolled his eyes, standing up then taking your hands and standing you up off his couch. “Advil is in the bathroom cabinet, I’ll see you in my room.” He said walking off down the hall from where you’d come from, not giving you a moment to even think or respond. To be fair, you felt obligated to stay, you didn’t even know where your clothes were from last night, how could you leave? It was only 6:30 anyways, you doubted that there would be any real ubers driving around and it was way too early for Reese or any of your other friends to pick you up. So you walked yourself to his bathroom, popped an advil and almost immediately found yourself back in Mat’s room. He was already laying in bed, scrolling through his phone. 

         Pulling the sheets over, you snuck yourself into bed trying to give Mat some personal space. You had no idea if he was a cuddly guy, or just thought you both deserved a little bit more rest. Glancing over you saw him now shirtless, you were too nervous to move any of the blankets further seeing what else he had on. You were aware it wasn’t that weird, most boys liked to sleep shirtless and in boxers. Hell, if you were home alone you’d rip off these sweatpants and sleep without pants. Mat glanced up from his phone looking at you practically hanging off of the edge of the bed. Instead of making some sort of comment, he tossed his phone on the side table next to him and grabbed the waistband of your sweatpants gently tugging you over to him. “You were so into me last night, and now I have to drag you over here to cuddle. I thought you were an affectionate kind of girl.” He said softly as he closed his eyes, “It’s not fair.”  

         “So needy. I thought you wanted to sleep.” you said now cuddling into Mat, trying not to overthink this. “Originally sure, but there’s a ton of things we could do here.” Mat wiggling his eyebrows as you, as you gave him a small smack on the chest. Wincing, Mat get out a laugh, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. You weren’t going to lie to yourself, in this moment, life was pretty good. It’s almost like your hangover had disappeared. You were perfectly content laying next to this seemingly perfect guy, but at the same time Mat did have a point. Your feelings of wanting to go home with him last night hadn’t changed, now you were just sober with a less forward attitude. Tilting your head up planting a kiss on Mat you figured there was no better time to go for it than right now. Sliding your leg over his body, you found yourself in his lap, slowly grinding yourself down on the boy continuing the makeout, pulling away briefly. “Alright Barzal, whatcha got?” You said with a cheeky smirk. He didn’t dare speak. It’s like the green in his eyes turned dark, and his hands found your waist flipping the two of you over so he was on top. And the good news was, you would definitely remember this.

- - - 

         You spent the next weeks floating around on a cloud. Mat’s training had picked up since the season was soon to start, and work was a bit more demanding, but the two of you had managed to keep up, sometimes he’d even call you when he was ‘bored’ before some preseason game and couldn’t nap, and he’d slept over your apartment twice claiming your apartment was ‘closer’ to the rink when in reality it was just about the same distance thanks to Long Island traffic. It felt like any fears or doubts about Mat disappeared. He’d thrown you into a group chat with Tito, Emma, and Derick and made an effort to get to know your friends. Your girlfriends were constantly hounding you when you two would define whatever it was that the two of you were doing, though you ignored it knowing you couldn’t push it with him. Every conversation about that made you think back to when you’d originally met some of the wives at Sydney’s wedding, who made it seem like you couldn’t force a hockey player into anything, they’d just spite you with way girls who were way prettier. The last thing you wanted to do was push Mat to Whitney. It was funny because she’d even requested to follow you on instagram, though you left her request pending. You never brought it up to anyone besides Tito who just laughed it off and told you not to accept it. 

         It was hard not to find yourself daydreaming at work as you typed away on your computer, but the buzz from your phone brought you out of your thoughts. Looking down you saw Mat’s name across the screen. It was hard not to smile a little bit, you glanced around the workplace making sure no one would be pissy you answered a personal call. “MB” you said softly into the phone, “you trying to get me fired?” 

         “Would that mean you’d be free this Friday night?” 

         “I can be available even with a job this Friday night, why what’s up? Big plans to fall asleep on my couch five minutes into a movie?” you joked trying to poke fun. It was far too easy, and you both had a solid flirty banter to keep up with. “Actually no, it’s opening night. I wanted to know if you would support your favorite hockey player. Derick Brassard.” You couldn’t hold back the laugh, as you took another glance around your office noticing that no one really cared who you were on the phone with. “(Y/N), this is where you say, of course. I’d love to watch my favorite hockey player and Mat on the ice at the same time.” 

         “I hope Emma doesn’t get too jealous, but I’d love to go.” With that you got little butterflies in your stomach. This felt like a pretty big deal, being invited to the opening game of the season as Mat’s plus one? Or person? Or female friend? That was all very much up in the air, but it felt as if things were headed in a good direction. “Cool, cool.” Mat said so casually, but what you didn’t know was how excited he was and how ‘cool’ he was trying to play it on the other end of the line. “Listen, I’m gonna go run some errands, but I’ll talk to you later.” Within five minutes you had been added by Emma to another group chat, this time assuming it was the other girls since you were welcomed with a warm text from Grace. 

         Grace Lee: Isles bitches, pregame in the coli parking lot on Friday. I expect everyone to be in their best orange and blue. Chipolini sangria will be flowing, so drink up for me, #preggers. 

         A small squeal escaped your lips, your dumb ass was too drunk the last time you saw her to even realize she probably wasn’t drinking. You sent back your best ‘congrats and can’t wait to see you all’ like all of the previous texts were starting to read. All of the ‘who is the xxx number’ texts came pouring in and before you could type back. 

         Grace Lee: (Y/N) scored the elusive MB13 tix and that’s the number. Our baby has arrived. We have been waiting for you in the gc.

         You could only love her message trying not to draw too much attention to yourself, but it was like Grace was the big sister you needed to show you into this world. Emma did a pretty good job at helping you out, but she was still new to the isles wags and basically the same age as yourself. She, maybe, had known these women for as long as you had. Derick was still new to the team. 

- - -

         The next thing you knew it was 2:30 on Friday, skipping out of work as early as you possibly could to get ready to be in a parking lot with girls who were practically models at 5pm for a 7pm game to which you were still incredibly nervous for. Your nerves might’ve matched Mat’s. He had sent you at least three different pictures of suits lying on his bed asking which he should wear. It felt super domestic, and you loved telling him how you thought the black velvet suit jacket would be cute, especially with the grey tie. He was also kind enough to let you borrow some clothing, he didn’t know it actually, but you’d managed to steal a white islanders t-shirt and one of his plaid jackets, that honestly you looked better in. Paired with a pair of jeans that made your ass look fabulous, how could the day go wrong?

         It didn’t for a while. Grace had gifted you with a pom beanie that had the number 13 blinged out on the front in orange sparkles. The rest of the girls and you were laughing, having fun and genuinely enjoying each others company in your matching beanies. They showed you all the cool places they’d watch the games. Sometimes in a box, sometimes down low if they were actually wanting to watch the game. For tonight they settled on sitting in one of the boxes, wanting to celebrate the start to a hopeful new season. This time you had learned your lesson and made all of your own drinks. Your buzz was only light, and you were able to enjoy the game. 

         The first period was fun, the game was tied 1-1. It was in between periods as you and all the girls just sat around chatting about what it’d be like this season. They filled you in on how fun a win was, and how miserable a loss could be. Hockey talk didn’t last long as you quickly moved onto Grace’s baby, to what other events you all could do together since it was a ‘fun group of girls.’ The group almost didn’t notice the door to the box open and slam shut, but it was like the girls had seen a ghost. A different kind of silence came across the room. With your back being towards the door you turned around, and immediately your heart had dropped. Your hand immediately ripping the stupid sparkly 13 beanie off your head, not caring if it left your hair looking a total mess. “Ladies!” a girls voice exclaimed. You’d studied her enough to know it was Whitney. Fucking Whitney. “I’m so glad Mat left my ticket at will call. My flight got delayed and you know how much traffic was on the expressway.” 

         You couldn’t even speak, you just felt your throat close up, as Grace who was sitting next to you on the couch gave your arm a gentle ‘i’m here for you’ squeeze as she was the only one brave enough to open her mouth. “Whitney… I didn’t know that Mat invited you. We haven’t seen you in a while.” She said trying not to be too direct. “Matty always leaves me a ticket.” She quickly came across the room finding an open seat across from you as she grinned. “And we have a fresh face, and who are you?” she said playing dumb as if she hadn’t requested to follow you on instagram, or as if she didn’t see the stupid hat laying in your lap. 

         “(Y/N) is a good friend of ours, Whitney.” Megan Bailey came to your defense. Not wanting anything to get more uncomfortable than it already had been, you noticed the game starting to pick up again. “Oh… guys, game’s starting.” you managed to say in a soft voice trying not to get yourself worked up. Your brain was running a mile a minute. Did Mat bring you here to embarrass you? He invited two girls to the game. Did he really think that both of you would show up, were you just supposed to be the backup? This girl had flown in from Vancouver for him. Surely he had to have some idea that this chick would be here. The next 40 minutes of the game came and went and you were honestly to paralyzed and in your feelings to move yourself off the couch and out of the box. It didn’t help that the boys ended up losing by one goal and honestly having an okay game, at best. 

         “You’re not fucking leaving.” Grace whispered to you, gripping onto your wrist. “You’re going with us to meet the boys downstairs outside of the locker room and you’re getting an explanation.” She didn’t have you in that tight of a hold, but you were still too shocked and in your own head to do anything. Thoughts were running a mile a minute. The girls put distance between you and Whitney as you all made your way down to the spot where you would meet the boys. Originally Sydney had planned a surprise dinner for the whole group, but now you weren’t feeling like you could face the boys. At least you were being brave enough and not crying.. At least not yet. 

         Hearing Anders tell the boys it was only game one, and it was their year was kind of sweet and brought a halfhearted smile to your face as you watched the boys come out of the locker room, freshly showered and honestly not looking as depressed as you might’ve thought. Mat was one of the last boys to walk out of the locker room with Tito and it’s like you didn’t even have a minute to approach him before Whitney was throwing herself in his arms. His face seemed shocked, it disgusted you, he probably didn’t even think he’d get caught in having two girls come as his plus one to this stupid game. “Whitney…” he said awkwardly. “Thanks for leaving the ticket. I missed the first period, but I heard you played great.” She quipped back not letting him even finish speaking to her. His eyes glanced around the group until they found your face. You handed your hat back to Grace. “I don’t want this anymore. I’m sorry, I’m just going to go now.” You said feeling your eyes watering up. 

         “You’re a tough cookie, don’t let him see this shit hurt you.” She said softly as the rest of the group tried to act normal as wives and girlfriends met back up with their significant others. Anders came over giving your back a gentle rub, “If it means anything, we like having you around.” You put an awkward smile on your face giving him a nod, as you found the nearest exit. The cool October air hit you like a ton of bricks as you pulled Mat’s jacket around you trying to find more warmth but it only made you more upset. Luckily there were taxis just waiting to take home fans and you quickly found one not lingering around the coli any longer. 

         (Y/N): don’t contact me anymore. you’ve embarrassed me and you know it… in fact block this number.   

         You sent Mat a text as quick as your fingers could type it out, as you let tears just fall from your eyes in the stupid taxi, looking like some sort of crazy girl. 

         (Mat Barzal):  (●●●)

         You watched the little dots come and go. No text ever came. You were relieved.

[selfcareparker]

okay fghsgdj yes you can say girl ! my pronouns are she/her :) okay but fr pause, i read this like 3 minutes after you posted it (or at least my notif said 3mins lmao) bUT IM IN BED AND I USUALLY HAVE MY COMPUTER OPEN WITH YOUR RESPONSE SO I MAKE SURE I ADDRESS EVERYTHING AND THEN SEND IN THE ASK ON MY PHONE HDGSJSH anyway, time to get my ass up 😔 but wait i find you so funny like honestly, reading that cracked me all the way up. and i feel the “lol” thing so hard!!!! idk why i do it all the time (i’m tryna stop) but i’ll say something with lol at the beginning and lol at the end... it might be a defense mechanism at this point lol (😔) AND (i need to stop with the uppercase too it’s not funny anymore) I DONT KNOW WHY I LAUGHED SO HARD JDHSK WHEN YOU SAID ALSO AGAIN HAHAHAH LIKE UR HAHHAH also my sleep schedule is not pretty either lmao but i’m homeschooled so i never have to get up for anything? hhdhsis idk but i’m glad you slept!! you need sleep!!

also (pls no i cannot) why did i not know what ykwim meant until i reread this?? like it makes so much sense- anyway! i think it’s so cool that you’re excited for university! idk why but i do lol like you’re getting ready for the future (masters degree and all that) & you’re (maybe) going to england anyway so that’s cool haha (hopefully when you go you can see your relatives 🤞🏾)

the fact that you get happy seeing my asks i- 💓💓

you make me wanna go to London & England so bad urghhhh like i’ve only been out of the country once (to Canada for a family reunion) but it sounds so prettyyyyy & i’m so sorry that cov*d is messing everything up and i hope you can see your relatives soon :(

now to address the whole english speaking/writing: I FIND THAT SO WEIRD DUHSKSJ i don’t know how an english speaking person could say that if you don’t write it 100% grammatically correct.... that it’s wrong? when literally, over here at least, WE’RE SO GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT HAHHAAH in both the way we talk and write!! and lol you’re welcome,, AND THE PARAGRAPH DID MAKE SENSE HDHSJSH & your rant is fine because... that is actually a bit ??? bc no one writes with 100% grammar lol

OH MY GOSH (see this uppercase thing is addictive) YOU STUDIED LATIN FOR 6 YEARS??? that’s really cool 🥺 the way that you know/speak 3+ languages i- NOT EVEN 3+ LIKE 6+ (german, english, latin, french, serbian, italian, and everything that comes with latin lmao) even if it’s just a tiny bit like wowee. it is really fascinating!!! i had the opportunity to take latin and i... didnt. i took art instead BUT ONLY CUZ MY FRIENDS WERE IN THAT CLASS AND ART LOOKED FUN IM SORRY

PLEASE WHY DO YOU KNOW EVERYONE?? that sounds so fricking cool tell your mom (mum or mama it’s really fine lol) that she sounds awesome. i think Jamaica would be fun either way!! i mean it looks pretty from pictures? i was a baby so i honestly have no recollection hahaha

LMAOO NOT U SAYING THIS IS LONGER THAN SOME OF MY FICS- PLEASE GIRL IM TELLING YOU I VERBALLY LAUGHED HAHAHAHAHAH but yea you really don’t need to apologize i like reading everything you say 🥺 HDKSHS AND UR FINE WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT ME BEFORE uhhh hmm uhh lemme think i, well, i saw chaos walking yesterday (big tom holland fan over here) and it was alright.. my mom acted a fool at all the jump scares LMAO but it was funny... since i’m talking about movies (this is hella random i know) but i like shark movies HDKJSSJ my favorite is the meg (it’s so good ohmigosh) and the 47 meters down movies aren’t bad either... i have two younger brothers... iiiii AM IN LOVE WITH MUSIC PHEW anddd i’m homeschooled (i think i mentioned that lol) i think that’s a good amount ahahaha AND IM HUNGRY RN JDHSJ

now. please. let me address the edit. i just want you to know that.. when i talk about your fics and i finish them and everything i’m not looking for more? like obviously if you’re writing i’m gonna read it but you don’t need to feel pressured or anything (idk if you do) to put more fics out lol like they’re great and i’m just sending the praise bc i love the ones that are there :’) but i’m so happy you’re working through your writers block!!! yay so so happy for you!!! and PUHLEASE anything you write is fantastic, i feel the exact same way when i write but girl. you’re fine. it’s gonna be great. (idk if this made any sense but... okay)

(and my cousin calls her mom mama so it’s really okay hahah i even call my mom mama sometimes) (and where you got the number “16 sentences” beats me but i still cracked up) (is this me pretending i had tags? maybe) HAHAHAHA OK BYE ❤️❤️ why did this take me so long to send i have no clue, AND WHY AM I OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING I SAID SHAJSHSJ ANYWAY BYE btw i love us too... like iconic // lovely anon 💓

me reading this:

also the dedication you put into sending me stuff— like with the laptop and phone and ahsksk 🥺🥺🥺

i’ll update you when i’ve started uni btw, i’m getting more and more excited every single day haha but i still have 3 weeks until it starts and even then I’ll obviously have to get used to it and everything, but you’re making me even more excited about it sksjshsg

yeah i wanna go to england too dkshsh let’s be sad together over the fact the we can’t travel eksjsh😔😭 but hopefully the wait will make it even better in the end <33 also i talk to loads of relatives over the phone at least once a week so it’s not too bad for me! but i miss their house 😭lmao

and i knowww snshsh so many native english speakers just make so many mistakes— and obviously i get that some things are slang but some things are simply wrong ajsh, the thing is no one has ever told me that my english is bad (i know it’s not bad anyway, but i’m still insecure) or no one has ever pointed out any mistakes, but yeah it’s mostly just insecurity dkshsg but yes thanks for saying what you said (previously as well as in this ask)😌🥰

Okay now for latin— girlll i don’t blame u for choosing art over latin esp. when all of your friends are doing art as well!! I’d choose art over latin as well lol skshsg but in year 6 we had to choose between latin and french, and at the time i didn’t like french? which was dumb of me and now i wanna learn french ekdhs but i don’t regret choosing latin at all bc if i properly learn french one day then i’ll already know understand loads of stuff (or at least some stuff lol) just thanks to latin 😌😌 but still, art>>>latin skskshshgs

I wanna watch chaos walking too!!! But i don’t get when/where/how it’s out lmao, cinemas are still closed here so i’ll either have to wait or find it somewhere online... il*egally 🥰 i don’t have high expectations at all btw but i like daisy and tom and the dog🥺 so i think i’ll enjoy it

GIRL SHARK FILMS SHARK FOLMS SKSJSHSHS okay so there are a few classics i haven’t watched yet, and also a few new ones that i haven’t seen yet BUT I LOVE SHARK FILMS SO MUCH SKSHSGSGSKK the first like proper shark film i ever watched was the shallows (which i like but my brain is still too small to comprehend what happened at the end (i mean i get it but i just can’t imagine it— idek if you’ve seen the film but skshhs)) and after watching it three times it does get a bit boring (but now whenever i see pictures or videos of big waves i’m just waiting for a shark to show up like come ON SKSJSG

^^^that pic/scene really traumatised me sksjsh but i still like the film

I only watched jaws like a few months ago, and i get that it’s a classic and also that it’s old and they just didn’t have the best.. equipment or special effects or whatever but i mean... look at meg and then look at jaws.... no disrespect to jaws at ALL but the meg is so much cooler. (That one scene on the boat where the shark just JUMPS OUT OF THE WATER AND SKSJSHHSUSJHA i get such a shock every time it’s so good (and the dog aww aksjshssli 🥺🥺🥰 and the boy with the ice cream lmao he’s iconic)

47 metres down, wow, i liked that film too. (i’ve only watched the original/first one i think) i mean that is such a fucking nightmare scenario like ALSJDHSNEMSKDJSHSJSKWBALSODUEWBSLDKHDJSNSKSKSHSGEBWKAISGSHEKEKSKLDJDJDHDHSHAGGA (that’s the best way i can express my feelings about that scenario lmao)

oh and i’ve recently been watching more horror films but i don’t know if they’re for me... I like the thrill and whatever but i just end up being scared for my life when i have to go to the bathroom at night or when i’m trying to sleep bc suddenly my mind is flooded with all the scary shit from the films 💀💀💀

and music i mean... you know those people who just don’t listen to music? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM???? i honestly like all genres especially in the last year, i am IN LOVE with Nicki Minaj + Megan andddd Stormzy and i like Harry Styles but i prefer his first solo album (and obviously one direction has bangers i have a throwback 1D session at least once a month), I also love MGK especially his new stuff and otherwise i mostly listen to german artists lmao. So who do you like?💖 (WHY DO I FEEL LIKE YOURE GONNA SAY SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SKAHAGUS IF YOU LISTEN TO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MUSIC DONT JUDGE ME AJSHDJS) (i know you’re not gonna judge me but)

++ @ the thing you said about writing, don’t worry, i don’t feel pressured at all!!! (not by you and not by anybody else.. except myself sometimes lol) and i’m just very happy that you liked my fics 🥰🥰🥰 and if i start telling people that i’m writing a fic then sometimes it puts a bit of (healthy) pressure on me. like yes sometimes it really is writer’s block, but sometimes i really am just lazy ddkshhd so now that i’ve told you i’m writing a fic i might get my ass up quicker than i would if i hadn’t told anyone 😌😌😌

[mint-yooxgi]

Red Silk - Slight Yandere!Incubus!Jongdae X Reader

Slight Yandere!AU & Incubus!AU - Part of the 12 Days of Lust collab

Disclaimer: I agreed to write this as part of this collab before everything with Jongdae was announced. If this fic makes you uncomfortable, you do not have to read it. I am simply using him as a face claim, nothing more.

Genre: Horror, Angst, Mature, Smut (Sub/Dom Themes, Restraints)

Pairing: Jongdae X Reader

Words: 5,334

Warnings: This is a Yandere story, it will contain themes such as stalking, violence, obsession, possessive natures, and just general overall creepiness and swearing. You have been warned.

Summary: Living in an apartment complex, preying on the innocent became almost second nature to Jongdae. Careless whispers into the night of countless victims claiming to love him never meant anything to him, until you came along. Now, he will stop at nothing to have you, wanting to bind you to him for all eternity. He’s fallen for you, but is it even possible for a demon to love?

A/n: My apologies if this story seems rushed, as I went for a slightly different approach when writing it this time. Please do check out the other fics in the collab by some other amazing writers if you have a chance! I hope you enjoy. As always, I do not believe Jongdae would act like this, this is just my interpretation of the archetype. There will be no part two to this. Feedback is greatly appreciated! Enjoy!

He finds it almost comical. The reactions he gets from his victims of the previous evening whenever they see him in the hallway. Many are embarrassed, for how could they be having dirty thoughts and dreams about their kind, unsuspecting neighbour? That is, if he lets them remember.

He usually only lets a few remember their dreams from the previous night, mainly for his own entertainment purposes. Seeing them shy away from him, or avoid his gaze when he sends them a smile in the hallway simply feeds his amusement.

Never has he returned to a victim more than once, for he hasn’t felt the need to. Many of his victims are delusional anyways, thinking that this one night of passion within their subconscious means something more. 

Some even go so far as to confess their love or adoration during these times, only serving to annoy him. All he wants to do is feed, not hear about the feelings of his food. Most of the time, he can block it out, but more often than not, it’s too hard to ignore. It’s starting to really get on his nerves.

As a demon, Jongdae has never known, or felt, love. He doesn’t even know if it’s possible for him to love, but he hasn’t ever wanted to know, or tried, for that matter. He always found it trivial, in a sense. Something humans use as a distraction from their everyday lives. 

The news of a new tenant moving in next door peaks his interest. There hasn’t been a new resident in his building for at least six months, and his options are starting to run dry. He’s ready for a fresh face, a fresh start. A fresh meal.

He has to admit, living out an ordinary life in amongst his victims is a fairly wise choice, not to mention easy. Every week or so, he can choose a new victim who is willing to let him into their mind. All he has to do is just put a passing thought through their mind about him, and see if he in turn peaks their interest. If that’s the case, he’s in for a good meal that night, as long as the subject is willing.

The day you move in next door, he does his best to make a good first impression on you. The smile you give him when he offers to help you bring in some of the boxes for you causes a subtle smirk to pull at his lips. This is a good start, and hopefully, by the end of the week he’ll be able to have you all to himself.

By the time he’s finished helping you bring in all your boxes, he watches you plop yourself into one of your chairs in the corner of your living room. He almost misses the way you tilt your head back and roll your neck from all the boxes scattered around blocking his view, but he catches it, and something within him jolts. He finds it odd.

Opening your eyes once more, you notice him already staring at you, seemingly zoned out.

“Oh, sorry, normally I would ask if you wanted to stay for dinner, but I literally have no food,” you say, a sheepish smile tugging at your lips as you grip the arms of the chair in your hands nervously.

“It’s alright,” he smiles back at you. “I get it. If you want I can order a pizza?”

“That’s really nice of you,” you pull yourself up and back onto your feet, “but no thanks. I get that I just moved in and everything, and you seem like a nice guy, but I don’t want you getting the wrong impression.”

Shit. Can you tell what he is? There’s been a few witches and spiritual people he’s come across that could tell what he was almost immediately, so maybe you’re one of them. His heart nearly skips a beat in his chest in worry. Was he too forward with his intent?

“I-“ He feels like a fish out of water, for he doesn’t know what to say.

“Last time I just moved in to a new place, I had three different neighbours all hit on me within the first week, one of them even helped me move in like you did,” you say. “And now you’re giving me the wide-eyed look… fuck, you’re probably just a nice guy- look, I’m sorry, I’m probably just talking myself into a hole here. Why don’t we just start over?”

“Okay,” he trails off slightly, watching as you breathe a small sigh of relief. He thinks it’s cute how flustered you get.

“Anyways, I’m (Y/n), your new neighbour. Thank you for helping me bring some stuff in,” you smile at him once more, and he blinks once before smiling back at you.

“It’s no problem,” he replies. “If you ever need anything, I’m right next door, so don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Thanks,” you say, leading him to the door before bidding him a good evening, before proceeding to close the door in his face.

He lets out a small sigh in disappointment. He was hoping to get to know you a bit better, but it looks like you have a higher guard than he originally thought you did. He could tell his staring made you a bit uncomfortable once he thought about it, hence your reaction. Looks like you’ll be a bit of a tougher prey to catch, which will make his reward all the more sweeter when he does get to indulge himself in you.

For the next week, you continue to plague his thoughts, filling much of his mind with fantasies about you and what it’ll be like once he’s finally able to have you to himself. Though, he finds it strange, considering he’s never thought this intensely about his next victim. So much so, that the next time he invades someone’s subconscious, he imagines that it’s you he’s with, and not Bethany from twelve-c.

Every time he sees you in the hallway, he makes an attempt to talk to you, wanting to bury himself into your subconscious just as you’ve infected his. He asks questions, mainly to get to know you better, but also to gouge a sense of what you like and don’t like. So far, you’re an anomaly of which he cannot figure out.

Looks like his regular approach isn’t going to work in his favour.

  It takes him another full week with him talking to you in passing until you genuinely invite him over for dinner one evening. You tell him not to think too much into it, but he can’t help it. Maybe you’re finally opening up to him.

He can’t wait for it to just be the two of you. Maybe this opportunity will give him a chance to figure out these weird feelings he’s been having about you recently. However, stepping into your apartment reveals two of your friends already sitting in your living room, sipping on drinks of their own.

They introduce themselves as Hyuna and Kaylee, your two closest friends. He can feel Kaylee not so subtly check him out, and usually it wouldn’t bother him since it’s what he’s used to, given his species, but since it’s in your home, your living room, in your presence, it makes him uncomfortable.

Currently, he’s in the middle of a conversation with Hyuna when Kaylee excuses herself to ‘help’ you in the kitchen. He does his best to focus on the conversation at hand, but he can’t help but overhear what Kaylee says to you in the kitchen.

“Your neighbour is kinda cute,” he nearly rolls his eyes at her words.

He hears you chuckle, “woah, slow down there tiger, you just met him.”

“Do you mean to tell me you have your sights set on him?” She quirks a brow, her words peaking his interest further, sitting with bated breath to hear your response.

“Oh no,” you laugh, flicking off the stovetop. “He’s all yours. Just don’t make it awkward like the last time.”

He has to keep his expression from falling as he continues his conversation with Hyuna. You’re not interested in him? At all? Has he done something to turn you away from him? Do you not find him attractive? Has he no effect on you, at all?

Out of the corner of his eyes, he notices Kaylee coming out of the kitchen with a smug grin on her face, and he nearly scowls. If she thinks she’s getting anywhere with him, she’s wrong. You are all that he wants, and the longer he goes without you, the more he craves you.

You end up sitting across from him at the dinner table, and he does his best to brush off all of Kaylee’s advances. He nearly jolts when he feels her brush her foot against his leg, biting the inside of his cheek to keep his lips from curling in disgust.

In the back of his mind, he wonders why he’s not taking this opportunity to use Kaylee to make you jealous. Normally, he’d have no trouble doing so, but something tells him that that wouldn’t work in his favour, and that you’re not the jealous type. He lets out a small breath, one that isn’t noticeable to you or your friends. Hopefully, he can just get through this night, and focus solely on you.

Despite Kaylee’s failed attempts at flirting serving as a distraction, Jongdae still can’t help but feel like the night is over all too soon. He wishes he could just spend some more time with you, alone, and without any distractions.

Figuring he shouldn’t overstay his welcome, he leaves before either of your friends, telling you that he has an appointment in the early hours of the morning tomorrow. 

Thanking you for the meal, he bids you a goodnight. However, what he doesn’t expect is for you to pull him into your embrace.

He stands there for a good few seconds before his mind registers he should hug you back. He takes this opportunity to breathe in your scent deeply, and his eyes nearly roll into the back of his head from the euphoric feeling that travels down his spine.

All too soon, you pull away, sending him one final smile as his body almost robotically walks him out your front door and into his own apartment.

His head is still reeling from what has just occurred. His vision blurs at the edges as he finds himself falling face first onto his bed in a daze. The tips of his fingers feel as if they’re buzzing with electricity, his whole body on fire from when he held you in his embrace, but most of all, he can’t get your scent out of his mind. Another shiver runs down his spine as he recalls the way you felt in his arms, your scent filling his senses once more. 

He’s never felt anything like this before, nor experienced anything similar. He knows now, that he can’t let you go so easily. He won’t give up until you’re his, and only his. No one else is deserving of you, especially not after what he’s just experienced with you.

Flipping over onto his back, he stares at his ceiling. He needs to find a way into your life, as something more than just your neighbour. He’s decided that his end goal now isn’t just to have you, but to make you his, in every meaning of the way. 

Over the next few weeks, he does his best to get closer to you in any way he can. From what he can gage, it’s working, and he could not be happier. Kaylee has finally taken the hint that he’s not interested in her, and has since stopped flirting with him whenever she sees him. Yet another reason he can’t help but be filled with joy, for he takes this as a step in a positive direction towards having you to himself.

Despite his advances, he still hasn’t made any major progress with you, still not being able to tell if you like him or not. He even attempts to enter your subconscious almost every night, but you still are reluctant to let him in, so he backs off. 

Each night that passes makes him more desperate for you, wanting nothing more than to feel your skin beneath his touch once more. He wants nothing more than to hear you call out his name in ecstasy, into the darkest hours of the night, fulfilling your deepest fantasies that only he can fulfill. 

One thing that he finds himself doing more often than not is sitting against the wall that separates your apartment from his, just to feel your presence more clearly. Sometimes, if he’s lucky, and he concentrates enough, he can listen in on the conversations you have when one of your friends are over.

Tonight is no exception, hearing you talking with Hyuna through your walls after settling his back against his own in order to hear you better. He can feel his heart thumping against his chest as he hears your voice, your laugh, in response to something she’s told you. He hopes to be the cause of your laugh soon, to see you smile for him, and know that your smile will be only for him.

“So, how’s Hyojong?” You ask, causing Jongdae’s brow to quirk slightly in curiosity.

“He’s great! He took me to the night market the other day and it was so sweet,” Hyuna replies, and the way her eyes begin to twinkle makes your heart warm for her, a smile caressing your lips. “What about you? Any new potential romantic partners in your life?”

The wiggling of her eyebrows suggestively causes you to let out a small giggle, “girl, my love life has been as dry as the Sahara lately.”

“What about your neighbour? He seemed interested in you when he was over for dinner that one time,” she says, and you shrug one of your shoulders, and he can’t help but quirk a brow at her words.

“He’s cute,” Jongdae can’t help but smile at your confession, “but I’m not sure.”

He frowns.

“How come?” Hyuna asks, her brow furrowing slightly as she looks at you.

“I don’t know, it’s just this feeling I get,” comes your reply. “Besides, he’s probably not interested in me.”

“Have more confidence in yourself, anyone would be lucky as fuck to have you!” She says, hitting the side of your arm lightly.

“Tell that to my ex,” you roll your eyes playfully, only causing Jongdae’s brow to furrow even more in discontent.

“Well, just because he couldn’t handle your boldness, in more than one way, doesn’t mean he’s right,” she chimes in.

“Yeah, you’re right,” you grin. “Some men just don’t like a strong willed woman in the bedroom that knows what she wants. Also not my fault he didn’t know what a clitoris is.”

At that, you both laugh, making Jongdae smirk. So your last thing didn’t know how to please you in bed? Not a problem at all for him. He’ll do whatever he can to please you, in any way he can. From the sounds of it, you prefer the more submissive type in the bedroom, a fact which sets his whole body tingling. He hasn’t been with someone dominant in a while, and he can feel a shiver of anticipation run down his spine at the thought of you being the one to break that dry-spell.

“Why don’t you give him a chance if he asks you out?” She quirks a brow in your direction once you’ve both calmed down.

“Maybe I should,” you hum, setting his heart racing in his chest, hope budding in his mind of a future with you. “That is, if he asks me out.”

“Just keep your mind open to the idea, and you’ll be surprised at what can happen,” she winks, standing up from your bed and stretching slightly. “Anyways, I should probably get going before it gets too late.”

“Alright,” you nod, standing up as well and walking with her to the front door of your apartment.

After bidding her a goodnight, you decide to get ready for bed, seeing as it is late, and a sudden wave of tiredness has hit you. Your mind keeps replaying your conversation with Hyuna, deciding that you will pursue whatever happens between you and Jongdae, should something arise. You do really like him, and besides, he’s really sweet.

Meanwhile, Jongdae lays on his couch, eyes closed with a large smile on his face. He has a chance with you, and that’s all he could ever wish for. Tonight, he’s going to attempt to enter your subconscious once more, and if he can’t, he vows to himself that he won’t try again until the two of you are actually in a relationship. A fact of which he knows he won’t ever stop until you are bound to him in mind, body, and soul. He’ll have you, even if it’s the last thing he’ll do.

Relaxing himself further into the couch, he does his best to calm himself down, and not get his hopes up too much just in case you block him out for another night. However, he can’t help but to feel giddy, given the new information he’s just learned tonight. Whatever fantasies you have, he’ll fulfill them all.

The next hour that passes as he waits for you to fall asleep feels like an eternity. He wants to make sure that you really are asleep before he attempts anything, but he cannot help but feel giddy, as if every second that passes is time spent that he could be sharing with you.

Finally, he decides it’s time to see if you’ll let him in.

Focussing his energy, he keeps his eyes closed, allowing for his being to gravitate towards your subconscious. Each moment that brings him closer to you sends a jolt of electricity coursing through his veins.

He finds it interesting, entering each person’s subconscious. Sometimes it’s a door, other times it’s a window. Basically, whatever the person’s consciousness deems necessary as an entranceway, that’s what it becomes.

Yours, however, is one of the most beautiful marble archways he’s ever seen, almost as if taunting him with your beauty, even subconsciously. Each time he’s attempted to pass under it, an invisible force has stopped him, meaning your subconscious is closed to him. This time, though, he approaches carefully, almost as if the archway is a wild dear which can be spooked quite easily, and he doesn’t want to risk it running away.

Taking slow, almost hesitant steps, he brings himself closer and closer to your subconscious. Carefully lifting his hand, he tests the waters, seeing if there’s still some sort of invisible barricade up preventing him from passing through. When he feels none, he presses on.

A smile tugs at his lips as he’s able to pass through the archway without struggle, knowing that this will be a night he won’t soon ever forget. He knows that now, things have changed, and he’ll make sure to make you his, no matter the cost.

All is silent for a few moments as he waits for your subconscious to overtake him. He allows for you to take full control, letting you create the scenario that will take place rather than him creating it like usual. His vision fades.

Needless to say he’s quite surprised to find himself bound to your bed once his eyes regain focus, feeling something soft around his wrists which are tied to the posts above his head. Shifting his gaze, a smirk pulls at his lips as he sees the red fabric binding his hands to your headboard.

Hearing the door creak, he looks over to see you walk into the room, wearing nothing but an oversized shirt as far as he can see. He nearly groans at the sight.

“Oh? What this?” You quirk a brow, smirk tugging at your lips. “What a pleasant surprise.”

He watches your form walk over to him, coming to trail a finger down his chest which he’s just noticed is bare. A shiver runs down his spine at your touch, only serving to make your smirk deepen.

“Is this all for me?” Your voice is teasing, making him groan.

“All for you,” he nearly whines, “only you.”

His words hold so much truth within them, but you won’t know. At least, not yet.

He sees you smile in response, your hand halting its movements in order to splay itself across his chest. His skin feels as if it’s on fire wherever you touch him, only serving to make him crave your touch even more, wanting to feel every part of you pressed against him.

“Please, let me touch you,” he begs, eyes conveying the desperation he feels at finally getting to have this moment, only for him to be tied down and unable to feel your skin beneath his own fingertips.

“Patience, baby,” you say, crawling on top of him on the bed. “All in due time.”

With those words, you begin to trail kisses across his chest, trailing your lips up his neck and nipping at the skin of his jawline, eliciting small moans from his throat. Biting down on a particular spot draws a low groan from his lips, him having to close his eyes briefly to avoid you seeing the darkness that swirls deep within his irises.

You take your time, trailing your hands over the expanse of his chest before shifting your body downwards, and allowing your hands to trail up his thighs. He watches you carefully, chest rising and falling with every breath he takes as he feels you hook your fingers in the briefs he’s wearing, pulling them down his legs before tossing them somewhere in the room. He feels his cock twitch as he watches you lick your lips, nails biting into the skin of his thighs.

His breath hitches in his throat as he feels your hand wrap around the base of his cock, throwing his head back as he feels you begin to move your hand along his shaft, watching his every expression carefully. A small fuck escapes his lips once he feels your mouth gently encase the tip of his cock, sucking lightly as your one hand continue to work over the rest.

Ever so slowly, you take him into your mouth, and he can feel his heart pounding against his ribcage. Never, in all his fantasies, could he have ever imagined how good this would feel, and knowing that it’s you just makes it even more intense.

You take your time with him, bobbing your head a few times before pulling off of him and running your tongue up his shaft. He can’t help the moans that slip past his lips at the feeling of your mouth caressing him so gently, for it’s better than anything he could have ever imagined.

His breathing deepens as you continue to build him up like this, pulling away each time before he can reach his climax, of which frustrates him to no end. However, he’s also somewhat grateful for this, for he wants to be able to feel you coming around him as he comes with you for the first time.

By the time you pull away for the third time, he’s a panting mess. His hair sticks to his forehead as his chest heaves with every breath he takes. Though, he wouldn’t have it any other way, for it’s you that’s doing this to him, and not anyone else. He just can’t wait for the day when he can repay the favour.

“Please,” he manages to get out, causing you to look up at him in interest.

“What is it, baby boy?” You quirk a brow, sitting up on your knees as you look over his state of being, smirk pulling at your lips.

“Please let me touch you,” he whines, tugging once more at his restraints in an attempt to reach out to you, though without much luck. “Let me taste you."

“You’re so cute when you beg,” you giggle, and he swears its one of the most beautiful sounds he’s ever heard. “Alright then, baby, since you’ve been so good.”

Crawling up his body, you position yourself just above his head. It’s at this point that he realizes that you’re not wearing anything beneath that shirt of yours, and he nearly growls out his approval. He can see the way your folds glisten with your juices, only serving to make his mouth water in anticipation for what is soon to come.

As soon as you lower yourself to him, his mouth is on you, licking and sucking at your entrance to gather every single drop you have to offer him. He makes sure to focus his attention on your clit, using his tongue to flick at it as you arch your back above him, fingers tangling in his hair as you begin to grind down onto his face.

He swears he’s never seen a sight more beautiful than you above him like this, using him for your own pleasure. He can’t help but let his eyes bleed black as he watches you move above him, your chest rising and falling as whimpers of his name slip past your lips; a symphony to his ears.

He can feel you getting closer and closer to the edge, so he makes sure to give you everything he’s got, wanting to see you fall apart for him. Sucking your clit into his mouth, he then soon begins to thrust his tongue rhythmically into you, allowing you to control the pace as you continue to grind yourself down on his tongue.

Just before he can feel you reach your peak and drink in the beautiful nectar that is your orgasm, you’re pulling away from him. 

He lets out a whine in disapproval, pout on his lips as he watches your panting figure hovering above him. 

He licks his lips, collecting the lingering taste of your essence onto his tongue. You’re one of the sweetest things he’s ever had the pleasure of tasting, and since it’s you, he can never get enough.

“Fuck, you really know how to use that tongue of yours, don’t you?” You says, breathlessly.

He can only grin widely at you in response, heart soaring at your praise as he watches you adjust yourself so you’re now straddling his waist before aligning your entrance with the tip of his cock.

A low moan escapes his throat as he feels you ever so slowly sink yourself down onto him, enveloping his cock within your warm walls. His head tilts back and he finds himself having to close his eyes once again in order to not alert you to their change in colour.

His arms strain against the fabric of the silk, wanting nothing more that to break free and grip your hips as you begin to move above him, circling your hips as you squeeze him, as if he’s made for you. He’s starting to think that he is, or at least, that you were made for each other. Everything about you is perfect to him, and he couldn’t ask for anyone better.

You start to pick up your pace, moving above him and snapping your hips into his. He loves the feeling of your chest pressed against his as you begin to bite and nip at the sides of his neck once more. All he wants to do is kiss you, break free from his restraints, wrap his arms around you, flip you over, and give you everything you deserve, and so much more. For now, he’s content letting you live out your own fantasy. There’s always next time.

He can tell you’re getting closer to the edge with every movement of your hips, for the breathy moans of his name you let out right beside his ear are one of the greatest things he’s ever heard. He can feel your tight walls beginning to rhythmically clench around him, and he knows he’s not too far behind.

After a few more thrusts, he feels you coming around him, your essence flowing into him as you let out a high pitched moan. It’s the final push he needs to throw himself over the edge, thighs clenching as he releases deep inside you, a low groan of your name slipping past his own lips.

The two of you stay like this for a few minutes, him just basking in the aftereffects of your orgasm. This whole experience has exceeded any possible expectations he could have had, his heart hammering away in his chest as he now feels connected to you in a way he’s never felt before.

Unfortunately, all too soon, he’s ripped away from you and thrown back into his own consciousness laying back down on his couch in his living room. 

Opening his eyes, he allows a blissful smile to overtake his features, feeling the early morning sun shining on his skin. He’s never felt this full after a feeding before, in more than one way.

He knows one thing for sure now, though. You complete him.

Getting up from the couch, he decides to get ready for the day. After a quick shower, he throws on a fresh pair of clothes and decides to go for a morning walk since he’s in such a good mood.

On the way out of the door, he happens to catch you in the hallway. The smile never leaves his face as he watches you take notice of him, but quickly avert your gaze, shyly, in the next moment. He can tell you’re feeling slightly embarrassed seeing him now after the dream you has last night with him. He can’t help but find it cute.

“Good morning,” he says, seeing you finally lift your gaze to meet his own.

“Morning,” you smile back, and he swears he can feel those butterflies in his stomach that people always talk about.

“How are you today?” He decides striking up a casual conversation with you on the way to the elevators can’t be a bad thing.

“I’m alright,” you reply. “You?”

“Never better,” his smile widens as he watches you shyly avoid his gaze once more.

The two of you step onto the elevator in silence, and he notices you looking over at him out of the corner of your eyes. His heart can’t help but swell at the thought, pride filling his chest, knowing that you like what you see.

All too soon, the elevator dings on the ground floor, and you’re stepping out into the lobby. He freezes for a moment, somewhat caught in a daze as he catches your scent in the air once more.

Snapping back to his senses, he manages to catch up to you just before you can exit the building.

“Wait!” He calls out, watching as you turn around to face him.

“Yes?” Your brow quirks.

“I was wondering if you maybe wanted to have dinner with me sometime?” He asks, hope shining in his eyes as he stares at you.

“I would love to,” comes your reply, and he feels as if all is finally right in the world.

He sees you smile before turning and exiting the building like you had originally intended. He watches your figure move down the street until you disappear around a corner, eyes flashing black briefly in content. 

He’s on the right path of making you his once and for all, and if this is what love feels like, he can’t believe he’s been missing out on it for all these years. However, if there’s anyone he wants to be experiencing these feelings with for the first time, he’s glad that it’s you.

[star-spangled-steve]

His New Partner

Chapter 31: The Nine Long Months

Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: 2877

Warnings: Pregnancy, child birth, some angst, some fluff, cussing.

A/N: I feel like this kind of sucks, and I’m so sorry! I’ve been having a bit of writer’s block recently, but I hope that it’s not too bad for you guys. Also, the italicized words are flashbacks.

“Seriously?” Y/N groaned, dramatically throwing her head back onto the pillow behind her. “No food? No water?”

“Come on, N/N. It’s not too bad.” Tony failed to hide his grin. “You still have these delicious ice chips.” He shook around the tiny styrofoam cup that was filled to the brim, watching as the girl got more and more annoyed.

She rolled her eyes. “Mmm, delicious.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. But it’s for serious reasons, and I know you that know that.” Dr. Madeline Bennett, one of the top OB-GYNs in America, spoke with an apologetic smile. “These next several hours are not going to be easy, but you’ve been preparing for this for the past nine months. As long as you cooperate, you’re going to do great, sweetie. ‘Kay?”

Y/N nodded her head, sheepishly placing her hands on her extremely large belly. “Okay. Thanks, Doc.” She watched as the other woman walked out of the room, letting out a heavy sigh once she knew that she was completely gone.

“Y’okay, kid?” Tony asked her, seeing the nervous look that was painted his friend’s face.

She dismissively shook her head in response, trying to break herself out of the nervous trance that had currently taken over her mind. “I’m fine.” The girl rubbed her hands up and down her midsection, wishing that it could be filled with something other than a baby. “Just hungry, that’s all.”

“Ewww!” Y/N groaned after taking a bite of the pancakes that Pepper had just made her. She made grabby hands towards the paper towel roll, a sour look completely taken over her face. “‘Gimme, ‘gimme.” Her articulation was horrible due to the massive clump of barely chewed food that was just sitting in her mouth.

Pepper frowned as she handed her friend a rectangle of the paper towel, watching as the younger girl spit the mushy piece of pancake right into it. “What’s wrong with them?”

Y/N took a long drink of her water, gurgling to get the taste completely out of her mouth. “You didn’t tell me you put banana in there!”

The strawberry blonde furrowed her eyebrows. “I didn’t think I had to. You love my banana chocolate chip pancakes.” She placed her hands on her hips, remembering something that happened way back. “Actually, you were the one who suggested putting the bananas in-in the first place! You said it would be a healthier option!”

The three months pregnant woman shoved her plate away from her. “Ya, well, I don’t like bananas anymore!”

“It’s true.” Tony agreed nonchalantly as he walked into the kitchen, taking a large bite of his apple. He walked up to Pepper, who he had recently got back together with after their brief ‘break’, placing a chaste kiss on her cheek after swallowing.

“They make her sick now.” Vision added from his seat at the kitchen table.

Rhodes nodded from right next to him. “Ya, she can’t even smell them.”

Pepper sighed, grabbing the basically full plate and beginning to dig in herself. “Well, if anyone has a manual to pregnant Y/N, that’d be greatly appreciated.”

“I’ll have F.R.I.D.A.Y. send it over.” Tony replied, and no one could tell whether or not he was actually joking.

The girl in discussion just gave a small shrug Pepper’s way, taking another sip of her water. She then placed the glass down with a frown, noticing how nobody was moving to get her anything different. “So… do I just not get breakfast now?”

“Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!” Y/N wailed. “Oh, god. Shit!” Her hands were clenched in fists, and her head was back and aimed towards the sky, silently asking whatever God or Gods were up there to help her out. As the large contraction finally began to calm down, the girl took a deep breath in hopes to relax herself. “Those things hurt like a bitch.”

“The little one’s just eager, that’s all.” Tony spoke from his chair right next to her bed.

Y/N quietly chuckled. “Never stops moving; just like-” She stopped herself from finishing her sentence, knowing that it would hurt too much to say the name of the man who broke her heart. “Never mind.”

Tony gave her a sympathetic nod. “I know, sweet pea.” He placed a hand on her forearm and gave her a comforting squeeze, not wanting her to be under anymore stress than she already was. “You and your little boy are fighters.”

“You ready for the big reveal?” Dr. Bennett asked with a smile as she walked into the small Avengers Compound office that had been set up for her appointments with Y/N.

The girl, who had wanted to keep this whole ordeal out of the press, had insisted on not going out for doctor’s visits.

“A bit nervous, if I’m being honest.” She responded.

“Why?” The older woman questioned. “You want a certain gender over the other?”

Y/N shook her head. “Nope, just... I don’t even know. I guess I’m always nervous for these things.”

“Well, there’s no need.” The doctor spoke while grabbing the jelly to rub on her midsection. “This is just going to be a little cold; you know from the last time.”

The five months pregnant woman winced as soon as the substance touched her belly, making Dr. Bennett chuckle.

After several seconds of scanning Y/N’s belly to get a good view, the doctor had finally figured out which sex it was. She turned to her patient with a smile. “You for sure want to know, right?”

“Yup.” Y/N responded shakily. “Tell me.”

“You’re having a boy!”

The girl let out the breath that she didn’t know she was holding, grateful to have at least one mystery now solved. “Oh my goodness, I’m so excited. How is it that you know?”

Dr. Bennett pointed to the screen. “Well, you see this little protruding thingy right here?”

“Hey, sweetie.” Pepper greeted as she walked inside of the small room, Rhodes trailing directly behind her. “How you doing?”

Y/N sighed. “Not too bad. Pretty uncomfortable, though.” She rubbed her hands up and down her large stomach, noticing that Rhodes was carrying a paper shopping bag. “What’s in there?”

“We, uh, went out and bought you a little something.” The man answered with a grin, before pulling a small brown teddy bear out of the bag. He watched as Y/N’s eyes lit up, her hands going over her mouth in awe.

“You guys!” She beamed as they placed the plush toy in her waiting hands, hugging it tight to her chest. “Thank you so much. You know how much I love stuffed animals.”

“Uhm… ya, N/N… it’s actually for the baby.” Rhodes said with a sheepish look.

Y/N’s face instantly dropped. “Oh, um… sorry. I didn’t know that.”

The man began to laugh at her reaction, realizing that his little joke probably wasn’t very funny to her right now. “No, no, I’m just messing with ‘ya! It’s for you, honey.”

The girl let out a heavy breath and shook her head at his antics.

“Ya,” Pepper added, “the baby couldn’t even play with that anyways. The plastic eyeballs are a choking hazard.”

Y/N’s eyebrows drew together. “They are? Well damn, I didn’t know that either.” Her bottom lip began to quiver, almost comically, as she squeezed the teddy bear tighter to her body. “I could’ve ch-choked my baby. I-I’m ’gonna be such a terrible mother!”

“Oh, boy.” Tony frowned, walking towards her to stroke her hair. “No you’re not, sweetheart.”

“N/N,” the other woman spoke kindly, “you’re going to be an amazing mother, and you are amazing with these kinds of things. I’ve seen it.”

“Oh goodness, all this stuff is so cute!” Y/N smiled while she and Pepper sat on the couch, scrolling through countless baby websites together. They had originally planned on going to the stores in person, but opted out because Y/N didn’t want to be seen pregnant in public. Who knew what the paparazzi would do if they caught sight of it?

“I know right.” Pepper agreed before flipping her laptop towards the other girl, pointing at two small blue objects on her screen. “Look at these little booties!”

“Aww!” Y/N giggled. “Those are so adorable.” She turned back towards her own computer, continuing to scroll through. “There’s a huge onesie selection on this one site. Like, they are all so nice, and they look like they’re good qual-”

Pepper looked towards her friend, wondering why she stopped mid-sentence, only to see a heavy frown painted on her face. “What’s wrong, sweetie?” When Y/N wouldn’t answer, Pepper decided to peer over her shoulder, slightly gasping at the sight in front of her. 

Right in the middle of Y/N’s laptop screen was a navy blue onesie, a big Captain America shield placed right on the front of it.

“Oh, honey-”

“It’s fine.” The seven months pregnant woman interrupted, discreetly wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. “Let’s just keep shopping. We’re not nearly done.” She technically was correct, as for obvious reasons they hadn’t done a baby shower. There was still a ton of things to purchase. “What about a breast pump?” She sniffled. “I need one of those, right?”

“When is this going to be over?” Y/N groaned, dramatically running her hands down her face. Or, at least any man would’ve said that she was being dramatic. Any woman would completely understand the pain that she was going through. “I’m sick and tired of this!” She glared down towards her protruding belly, pointing a stern finger at it. “I swear, when you get out here young man, you are in very big trouble!” She instantly felt a sharp pain come from her womb and gasped in response. “Wha-? Little guy just kicked me!” 

Rhodes tried to hide his chuckle with a fake cough. “I guess it’s payback for you yelling at him.”

“Ya.” Tony nodded along. “He clearly knows his mom’s voice by now. That’s a good thing.”

The girl shrugged. “I guess.” She began thinking back to all the long nights that she spent just speaking to him and him alone. “Still doesn’t make my cervix hurt any less, though.”

“Buddy,” Y/N sighed as she laid on her bed, rubbing her nine months pregnant belly, “you’ve ‘gotta calm down. It’s getting late, I want to sleep.”

She got a kick in response, much like the ones that she’d been getting for the past hour or so.

“Oh, I see how it is.” She lightly chuckled. “So stubborn, eh? Hmm… how can I get you to go to bed?” She racked her brain for any ideas that would work, before finally stumbling upon one. “How about I sing you a lullaby? Okay? ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star’?”

An additional kick to the womb alerted her that he was probably okay with that.

The girl cleared her throat before beginning, ready to sing her little boy a song that she’d most likely be singing to him for the next several years.

“Come on, Y/N.” Dr. Bennett urged in a calm and collected tone from between her patient’s legs. “One more push, that’s all.”

“That’s all, N/N.” Tony repeated from his friend’s side, her hand squeezing the living daylights out of his own. “One more and he’s here.”

She gave them a strained nod before beginning that final push, her screams so loud that they could’ve probably been heard throughout the whole Compound.

Though, they were interrupted by a sudden high-pitched cry; one not of an adult, but of a newborn baby.

“I-Is that-?”

“Yes.” The doctor interrupted Y/N with a grin, slightly holding up the boy to show her what he looked like. “He’s here.”

A huge smile took over the girl’s face as she laid back on her bed, her muscles finally relaxing after many tedious hours.

Dr. Bennett cut the umbilical cord herself, knowing better than to ask Tony because he wasn’t the father, and wrapped the baby up before bringing him over to Y/N’s waiting arms.

“Hi, baby boy.” The mother cooed as she brought him close to her chest, taking in just how beautiful he was. “You’re finally here.” Tears began to mix with the sweat that was already coating her face, and she sniffled.

“He’s gorgeous.” Tony spoke from beside her, making her glance up to smile at him.

“Isn’t he?”

Y/N looked back down at her newborn son and began to lightly bounce him in her arms, causing the boy gurgle in response. “He’s so precious.”

“Do we have a name yet?” Dr. Bennett questioned the girl.

She nodded her head before making eye contact with Tony, getting ready to drop a huge metaphorical bomb on him. “The first name is Anthony, and the middle name is James.”

Stark’s heart felt like it stopped beating for a second. “W-What? You can’t be serious.”

Y/N nodded. “Well, I am.” She turned back towards the doctor, a big smile on her face. “That’s the name.”

“N/N-”

“Tony, I want this.” She interrupted him firmly. “You and Rhodey have been with me every step of the way through this pregnancy. This is my way of saying thank you, and that I love you guys.”

The man nodded, feeling tears spark into his eyes at her words. He definitely didn’t feel deserving, but if that’s what she wanted, he wasn’t going to argue.

“Is there a last name that you want me to put?” The doctor spoke again. “You can decide later if you want, that’s totally fine.“

“Rogers.” Y/N stated, her tone leaving no room for discussion. She knew that she was about to get heckled for it, but had already made up her mind many months prior.

“Are you sure about that, N/N?”

“Yes, Tony.” She gulped, stroking her son’s soft face. “I am.”

“So, I’ve been wondering…” Steve spoke as Y/N sat on his lap with her back faced towards him, the television in front of them playing a movie that neither one of them were actually watching.

“So, you’ve been wondering…?” The girl repeated playfully, turning around in his lap to face him.

The man took her left hand in his right one and began to toy with the large diamond ring on her finger. “We’ve been engaged for a few months now, and you still haven’t told me what your last name is going to be.”

“What do you mean?” Y/N asked, tilting her head to the side in the way that Steve found so adorable.

“Like, you know, are you taking mine? Are you keeping yours? Are you hyphenating?” He listed off, very curious of what her answer was going to be. “I know that there’s a lot of new ways of doing things these days, and I know that with your fame you might want to keep your own. Whatever you do choose, though, it’s fine by me.“

The Captain’s words were followed with a loving kiss from his fiancée, which he immediately melted right into. His large hands firmly gripped Y/N’s hips as he groaned lowly into her mouth.

“Was that supposed to give me some sort of an answer?” He asked after their lips parted.

Y/N gave him a sweet smile. “I want to take yours.”

“Really?” Steve questioned.

“Yes.” She nodded, hands resting at the nape of his neck and massaging gently. “I want to be a Rogers. I always have.”

“And you’re absolutely sure about this, doll? Because from what I’ve read, most celebrities hyphenate or just keep their own.”

“I’m not them, though.” The girl stated. “Stevie, I’ve been scribbling ‘Y/N Rogers’ in my notebook since the night of our first date. I’m very sure about this.”

The mother and son sat in silence, her lightly stroking his little face with the pads of her fingers. She watched as he repeatedly opened and closed his eyes, crystal blue irises that were very much like his father’s melting her heart already.

Her family was currently on their flight in, ready to meet their newest member, and her friends from work we’re going to drive up right away. Y/N had politely asked Tony, Pepper, Rhodes, and Vision to step out of the room, as she had wanted a moment alone with her baby before all of the commotion. And for the first time in a very long time, Y/N had gotten the chance to just breathe.

She had been so worried, so incredibly nervous for the past nine months that she had almost forgot to actually enjoy the experience. So scared of her and her baby being alone, that she really forgot to cherish his company. But now, holding her precious little creation in her arms so lovingly, Y/N knew that she and her son were going to be okay.

“Ya, sweetheart.” She spoke softly to him, rocking him in her arms. “We’re going to just fine.” She pressed a kiss to his forehead and let it linger, basking in the presence of the person who was now most important to her. “Just fine.”

Baby Anthony James Rogers murmured a couple incoherent sounds in response. He had not a single clue that he was missing out on meeting his father, the man who should’ve been sharing this very exact moment with them.

Next Chapter

Feedback is always welcome!

Taglist: @crist1216 @songforhema @the-obsessive-fangirl @stressedandbandobessed7771 @straightforwardly @fruitypebbles34 @krazykatkay456 @the-kang-bang @uhh-katie-griffiths @mcuclintasha @capsiclesdoll @allsortsofinterests @nova3312 @tyes-girl @kind-sober-fullydressed @mschrisaholic @shirukitsune @ohmygoditsanthonyedwardstark @mccloudchloe @notyourtypicalrose @spider-captain​ @jesseswartzwelder @firecatcher007 @ctrl-alt-jeon @dixonluvv @may-machin @elew223 @fallenoutofrose @secretsihideinside @kaetastic​ @smolcuddlycub​ @deepfrz​ @avengersassemblee​

Tell me if you want to be added!❤️

[stevenuniversetanzanite]

Someone Must Get Hurt (Cordelia x Reader (Part 5))

This is set during around and through coven so she’s still Cordelia Foxx technically.

Part 1,  Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5 

Sorry for the late update, joined an academy (unfortunately not for witches) and had to wait until I got my glasses also writer’s block.

I re-read the other chapters and I genuinely enjoyed (which is rare for my self-conscious arse). Hope I didn’t screw that up with this addition. Probably did.

Anyway, enjoy :).

Y/N/N= Your nickname

Y/M/N= Your mum’s name. (I didn’t want to pick your characters mum’s name.)

The air was tense in the academy, every student was stressing about who was the next supreme. One student, Nan had drowned in a bathtub. Zoe tried to communicate with her spirit but had no luck, the girl didn’t want to talk. We all had our suspicions of what happened and all of them involved Fiona. Cordelia was the only one who was doubtful, but you all knew she was just hoping her mother wasn’t as bad as you all knew her to be. For Cordelia’s sake, you wished it wasn't her. Who knows, maybe a witch hunter broke in and… drowned her? Nah, that sounds wrong. Why go to all the trouble of breaking in and then drown a girl? Nan was more than powerful enough to fight off a non-magic user. 

Madison’s inflated ego made her believe she was the next supreme. No one directly said it to her, but you all hoped she wasn’t- none of you wanted another Fiona. Madison’s jelousy over the title made her commit attempted murder, smashing Misty in the head with a large rock and burring her six feet under in a resurract man’s casket. 

Fiona was showing Misty with gifts, mainly meeting her favourite singer Stevie Nicks. It was nice to see Misty awe-stricken by the famous singer plus you got to listen to Stevie live for free. After how much of her music you’ve had to listen to since Misty arrived, it was great to relax to some great vocals. The other girls were out doing whatever they wanted. Cordelia was trying to get you closer to the girls (when was she not?) and tasked you with getting along with Misty who you, in Cordelia’s eyes, had the most in common with. 

Your mind kept falling back to the contant theme of the recent days, the next supreme. Everyone was infatuated with knowing, “maybe it's me?”, “I could be the supreme”, you just wanted to go with the flow. Everyone was stressing you out and you didn’t need that at the moment. They were acting like it was a competition, that the goal of these being a witch was to be the supreme. You wondered if the thing was a generational thing, like every 20 or so years there’s a new one is born or is it random. If you knew this, you could use to predict how old the witch would have to be. Was she about your age or like Cordelia’s? Is it even one of us? There could be a witch we don’t know of out there who is the successor. You didn’t vocalize any of this or participated in any of the drama created because of the mystery involved behind who the next one was. You couldn’t care less. 

While the other girls practiced their magic, you tried to make something to heal the burned skin around your eyes. Misty offered you some of her ‘magical’ mud, but you wanted nothing to do with it or her. She was a nice girl but her friendship with Cordelia put you off her. They were too close; you didn’t trust their friendship. Your interest in finding something to fix your burns along with you love of botany lead you to starting your newest distraction from your crush on the headmistress. 

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Your pen hit against the workbench. Music blared through your headphones. You had spent the last three hours in the green house trying to perfect a potion, making notes in a hand bound book. It was a side project to distract yourself from the over growing jealousy you felt. On the other side of the room, the two other green magic enthusiasts insisted on working. You hadn’t been invited to join them, they thought you looked too busy on your book. Cordelia stole glances every so often, you weren’t aware of this.

Stevie Nicks' "Kind Of Woman" played in the background as the two blonde witches worked on their concoction. Cordelia hummed along with the music. She picked some bay leaves, tearing them into smaller pieces as she shoved it in their mud. She was teaching the young swamp witch.

The two spoke in hushed whispers. Cordelia didn’t want to disturb you as you worked. The two almost didn’t come in there, but there being very little to do in the school and you already absorbed in your work you didn’t think their presence would disturb you. You switched your music from the speaker to your phone, to ensure their talking didn’t disturb you. During the breaks of your songs, you could hear their voices as Cordelia taught the young swamp witch like she had taught you months ago.

“I didn't know bay leaves had magic in them.”

“Provide protection. Asafetida banishes evil.”

Misty leant down to smell the concoxion, “Oh, wow, that's some stinky shit.”

You could hear their laughing during the switching of tracks. You groaned. They took that as you were frustrated with your work – they weren’t internally wrong but the cackling from behind you wasn’t helping either. Cordelia frowned, not enjoying watching you stress out you’re your project. She considered offering you to join them to distract you for a bit, but something held her back.

Misty leaned in towards Cordelia, "Zoe told me what you two overheard."

"W-what?" Cordelia stuttered, growing flustered. Cordelia didn’t know what to do with her hands. Instead of waving them about like an idiot, they clenched the workbench, leaning her body weight on them. She couldn’t run from this conversation; it would be too obvious. Why couldn’t it all be easier like how it was before she got blinded. Your first ‘unofficial lesson’. The ease of moving closer to your person, how easily flustered you were (like how she was now). She insisted she needed to know about the student who refused to open herself up to others. She missed the conversations you’d both have as you peeled back the protective layer.

You were too caring; she saw that when you ‘helped’ her. You did what you thought was best, for her, you, and the coven. She felt in those few seconds your hands were on her temples, the love you had for her as well as the pain love has caused you in the past.

She saw the late nights when you stayed up contemplating your decision, the countless hours you thought about others instead of yourself which counted up to years of your life. An underlying need for control, of you, your body as well as your wants and desires. You held yourself back and now she was doing it for you because she was too indissertive and disgusted with everything about the situation she caught herself in. 

She was scared, she only built to that pain. She didn’t have enough time to stop you and, in an attempt to do so, she tossed you across the room when you had already been affected. You couldn’t have foreseen that.

Cordelia liked you back, that’s the problem. She was your teacher. It’s the same as having a crush on your professor. She made you fall for her. Ignoring all that, she was still married. She had no knowledge that her ex had cheated. What if he hadn’t, what if he was a decent person? What if-

“Ms Cordelia.”

“Hmm~”

"That she likes you Ms Cordelia."

"It doesn't mean anything-" All she could do was deny. It wasn’t right, what she did was wrong.

"I know it's not my place, but you've been talking about her for ages and you haven't asked her once."

She looked at Misty, “Your right. This isn’t your place.” Cordelia rushed out of the greenhouse and back into the school.

Misty sighed and looked over to you who was too busy working to pay attention to them. Misty knew she would have to get involved if you too were ever going to get together. She couldn’t do it alone. She had to call in for help. 

Four of the girls were huddled up in the main room, all wanting to fix the dynamic between the two of you. Each one had tried in their own way to help you out. Madison with her constant babbling about person a (usually making at least one sexual reference) to person b as well as getting you to admit your feelings in the worst place. The others worked more in the way of emotional support for Cordelia (you got along with the others but weren’t one to confide in them) and trying to convince her to make a move.

One’s idea was to stage an intervention for Cordelia, as you had stated your love for her in her presence and it was just Cordelia holding back. Another suggested if they got both of you in the same room, you’d talk it out, that wasn’t going to happen. They could set up a date and trick you both into going.

“The date idea doesn’t sound that bad,” Zoe said. “But how would we do it?”

“We’d need to make so neither can leave,” Queenie said.

“Yeah, Ms Cordelia stormed out the other day when I was trying to talk her into it,” Misty said while eating grapes.

“-and Y/N can teleport, so you’d be relying on not to zap away.” You were the type to teleport away if you were uncomfortable, but with Cordelia in the equation no one could know. 

“Okay, what do we need to do to make it the perfect date?” Zoe asked. Retrieving a pen and paper out like it was a middle school project.

“Say no more,” Madison said.

“No one let Madison get the pen.”

“Hey!”

An hour later Cordelia walked in on the girls plotting the date. She raised a brow at all the girls working harmoniously together. The group's laughter was what brought her out of her office originally. She smiled standing in the doorway. Her grin faltered when she noticed you weren’t with the girls. She worried at times like these when she saw the others getting along and you depriving yourself from times like this. 

She brought herself to where she thought you would be, she was your teacher after all, she should be concerned that you were missing out.

She knocked 

“Shit, you scared me.”

“I think you’ve said those words to me before,” she purred. 

“Miss Foxx?” Not Delia or Cordelia. No, she couldn’t stand you saying that. It was too formal and distant. It reminded her too much of her husband, someone she never wanted to think about again. She wanted the closeness you both once had. She craved you to call her a nickname. She will call you a million if she could hear you say one. She’d give anything to hear you say Delia more time.

“You don’t have to call me that.” She kept the same flirtatious tone as before, sending shivers down your spine. She gently nudged you to the side. You scooted over giving her enough room to sit beside you. 

It felt like Déjà vu. Her sitting next to you, working in the greenhouse just like the day you injured your arm. The limb was now healed. The coven’s knowledge of your past didn’t stop you from where clothes not appropriate for the weather. The only time you didn’t cover yourself fully was when you were spending most of your days trapped in your room blind. Cordelia made sure you were never overheating due to your stubbornness as well as self-consciousness. 

“How’s your book going?” It was hard to concentrate. She was so close to you. 

“Alright.” It was killing you but not as much as watching her with Misty. 

“You seemed stressed earlier.”

“I did?”

“You did,” she said. “I think you deserve a break. You’ve been working on this for a while now.” 

“I don’t know-” You didn’t know what game she was playing. 

“Come one sweetheart-”

“No!” You brushed her off you. You jumped off your crate turned seat creating some distance between you and her. “None of this.”

“I thought-”

“No. I don’t like to be toyed with. You can’t play off you didn’t hear what you heard as if nothing happened and then weeks later come up to me all flirtatiously and expect me to be okay with that.” You clenched your fists trying to hold back your anger. “You either like me or you don’t. Tell me now so I can move on with my life.”

“Y/N I-”

“You know what, I don’t want to hear it.”

“Y/N-”

“Please go.” You wouldn’t look at her. Your head faced the exit, your hands crossed. The moment she left they would slide out of position and hug your body as you sobbed. 

“No! I like you Y/N. Hell, I love you more than I ever did with my ex. I’m not letting you toss me aside.”

“Miss Fo-”

“Don’t call me that! Ever!” You shut your mouth quick, eyes widened. She approached you, tearing your arms out of their tightly crossed position. She held your hands in her’s. “I-I didn’t mean to yell, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I didn’t mean to either, I was just-”

“I get it. With the weight of the world resting on our shoulders, it’s hard not to snap sometimes.”

“Everything will get better, yeah? Once we find out who the next supreme is?”

“For our survival, I hope so.” Not the answer you wanted to hear but she wasn’t going to hide the truth from you, not at a time like this. 

You don’t know what caused you to do it but you pulled her into a hug, “I wish you could be the supreme.” Cordelia chuckled. “Your so wise compared to us and you’re the nicest, most caring-”

“It’s nice of you to say that but it’s not me.”

“Still, it would be nice to be dating the most powerful witch in the coven.”

“So you still want to date me?” You hummed resting your head on her shoulder and nuzzling into her neck. “It could be you?”

“Hmm?”

“You could be the supreme.”

“I hope not. Sounds like too much responsibility… and socialising.” Cordelia chuckled once more. 

The woman held you close. Time stood still for the two of you. For once, it was calm. You were content standing their bodies pressed together as the world moved on around you. Nothing mattered. The coven’s problems were for another time. 

***

Everything happened so fast. You were talking to Queenie, trying to convince her to stay, unlike Cordelia, she didn't tell you to get out. She warned you to run, get out before whoever killed the girls to you. One girl dead, another missing, someone was going to be next, it only depended on who. She wasn't sticking around to get killed to find out.

The next you were in the greenhouse being held back. They wouldn't let you see Cordelia. The girls were forced to keep tabs on you, not letting you out of their sight. No one bothered to tell you what happened. You knew that something horrible happened and needed to help. 

"I need to go to the bathroom," you told the girls. They nodded, leading you to the nearest moment. You were told to be quick. You meekly nodded before shutting yourself in. The moment the door was shut you teleported into Cordelia's bedroom. 

"Oh god." She stabbed her eyes out. "No~ why?"

She rested on the bed doped up on painkillers to numb the pain. You could have sworn she looked peacefully asleep. It wasn’t the case. Red, inflamed skin sounding her eye sockets. You put two with two together. Gouging out her eyes wouldn’t solve anything. 

The floorboards creaked from behind you. Myrtle wasn’t sure how you got into the room, she was monitoring it and the girls were watching over you. From what she knew, you couldn’t teleport. It wouldn’t surprise her if you could, all the girls in the coven were picking up magic easier. Power’s develop faster in times of danger.

There wasn’t much you could do for her. You weren’t going to make the same ‘mistake’ as last time, no matter how much you wanted to. If Myrtle didn’t come in, you might not have said the same. The both of you talked, you rarely spoke to her one on one- that does with everyone else in the coven, minus Cordelia and Zoe. Fiona tried to speak to you once, to shove in the same your the next supreme crap you bet. Cordelia saved you before you had to talk to the woman. Fiona did say after you helped that boy find his mother that, “She knows more than she lets on.” She couldn’t have been suggesting you were the next... no. That woman was a trickster and shouldn’t be trusted. 

“I purchased tickets to Epcot for Zoe and Kyle. I watched them together at Nan's funeral. Such a pair. So much in love,” Myrtle said.

“They are quite the pair.” You understood why she was telling you this, it was the same reason as to why Queenie left, no one was safe. If Madison didn’t kill them out of jealousy than Fiona would. “What will happen with me and Madison?” Madison didn’t see you as a threat. You wouldn’t bet your life on it staying that way. 

“Your mother will be picking you up later today.”

“What?”

“It’s only until all of this is sorted out. Think about it as a holiday from school.”

“What about Cordelia?”

“She’d prefer you to be out of harm’s way.”

“It’s only temporary?” Myrtle nodded. 

You wished she was lying. But when you heard your mother’s voice echo upstairs you sighed backing the last of your things. You stood at the top of the stairs with a backpack packed with your essentials. Your mum and Myrtle were deep in a conversation, not noticing you watching them. You didn’t want to leave Cordelia again. This time it wasn’t your choice. You left your details on Cordleia’s desk in case she needed to contact you. The only problem with that was her finding it since she was blind and wouldn’t see it. That wasn’t a problem you could solve this second, you had the schools number, that was good enough for now. 

You checked on Cordelia one last time before you left. She was fast asleep. You didn’t want to be around when Myrtle broke the news to her. Keeping it short, you placed a kiss on her forehead before heading to your mother. 

“I can’t believe she did that, I never would have thought- you were right the whole time,” your mum tried to grasp what Myrtle told her. You missed the change of subject of conversation when you were with Cordelia.

“You were too young at the time.”

“Anna leigh?” Myrtle nodded. You had no idea what the two were talking about, who was Anna Leigh? Your mother was the first to spot you, “Don’t you want to bring more?” 

You shook your head, “I don’t plan on being gone long.” The two older women shared a look of displeasure. They both wanted you away from the school longer than they were letting on. 

“I’ll keep an eye on her until the dangers are dealt with. It’ll be a good chance to catch up.”

“Sounds fun,” you said in an uneathustic voice. 

“Just us two.” You rose your brow. No siblings? What's the catch?

“Yeah, that sounds alright.”

***

You were perched up against the window, peering out into the streets of wherever your mum took you. The journey was long and you fell asleep in the car ride over. Since she arrived at the academy you sensed something was off with her. She viewed you differently. Hidden by her happy exterior masked her unease. She handed you a hot cocoa before planting herself beside. You shuffled to allow her more room. 

She asked you a series of questions about school and how you were enjoying it. You answered vaguely, not wanting to go into the full extent of what was going down. 

“There’s a lot less girls from when I went there,” she commented. She was a witch? She never mentioned this before. If you would have known, you might not have felt so alone. “It was a lot safer too. I guess there’s no safe place for us witches.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were a witch?”

“We weren’t going to tell you kids. We didn’t want to put you in danger. I never thought about the complications of not telling you. Myrtle told me what you did- what you have been doing. I allowed myself to be naive.”

“Mum it’s alright-”

“No it's not,. There was more she wanted to say but left it unsaid. “I can’t fix the past but I promise to be better.” You took a long sip of your beverage, making a noise of contentment. “Still good?”

“I missed your cocoa.” You mum acted offended. “I missed you too.” You both laughed before taking another sip of your drinks. “The headmistress of the school makes great cocoa too.”

“Goode’s kid, right?”  She asked. “I heard she was nice.”

“Yeah, she is. She’s taught me a lot about Botany. I’ve been translating a couple of the old books in the greenhouse so they are easier to follow.”

“Those old things. They’ve been there since the beginning of time.” She said. “I’m pretty sure my sister started something similar, it’s probably still there unless one of her roommates moved it.” Your mother rarey spoke of her sister, you didn’t even know your Aunt’s name. She snapped out her train of thought. She asked, “What about the other girls? Are they nice?”

“They’re an interesting bunch to say the least.”

Back at the academy, Cordelia gradually got better. Myrtle informed her of your little get-a-way and that you were safely with a trustworthy family member. Cordelia was doubtful of what she heard but Myrtle assured her that as long as you're here, you weren’t safe. Not only were there the threats of Madison and her mother, Cordelia herself in her blinded state was a risk. 

Queenie decided to stay in the coven. Fiona went so far as to claim Queenie as her successor and was going to make her complete  the seven wonders. This pissed of Cordelia. Fiona wouldn’t explain her reasoning behind her decision, fleeing shortly after. 

All the witches admired the new portrait of Fiona Goode above the piano. The girls listed off empty compliments (“She was so beautiful.”, “She was a great Supreme.”, “A lot to live up to.”, “One of the best.”). Cordelia didn’t follow this trend, instead opting to keep it true, “She was a force to be reckoned with, but she was a horrible Supreme.” Mentioning all the ways she had failed at the rule. She used this time to announce that on the coming Sunday, at dawn the test of Seven Wonders will begin and all would be tested. By next week, they’ll have a new Supreme.

There was a thud at the door. Cordelia smiled. Everyone looked around wondering who that could be. “Is someone gonna let me in or am I gonna have to break in?” All the girls chuckled. Zoe ran over towards the front door, Misty and Queenie not far behind. As soon as the door was opened you were pulled into a suffocating hug. “Y/N!” Zoe was most excited to see you. “Girl, where did you go?” Queenie asked. Clearly none of them were clued into your departure. 

“You weren’t meant to be back until all of this was solved,” Myrtle said. 

“I was called.”

***

There should have been more to do. Your thoughts always feel back to the coven. You held yourself back from calling, they sent you away for a reason. Any contact could bring danger. You curled up on your temporary bed, a classic novel in your hands. It was still the early hours of the morning, your mother asleep in her bedroom. You could hear her snoring through the walls. One of the million things you didn’t miss from home. Even your old roommate snored. You smiled thinking about the few years of freedom you had at hers. Compared to now you wouldn’t call it that. Now you could do whatever you wanted when you wanted to, whether the others were happy about it depended on what you were doing. You still freaked Cordelia out when you leave the school without letting anyone know, or vanish for hours on end in a remote area of the house you don’t usually inhabit. You would do anything to hear her voice right now.

You spoke to your mum about Cordelia, never mentioning that you were a thing, she was still your teacher after all. She would wince when you mentioned the name which always threw you for a loop. You knew it wasn’t about you mentioning Cordelia because when you did without saying the name she was fine. It’s probably nothing to worry about. 

Your phone buzzed. A phone you recognized all too well was calling you. 

***

“I did say everyone participates,” Cordelia said. 

You were passed from person to person, giving the girls hugs. “I hope I didn’t miss it too much.” You pulled away from the last girl and headed over to your girlfriend. 

“Delia.”

“Y/N/N,” Cordelia said. “I missed you.”

“Missed you too.”

“Wow, you two really can’t control yourselves,” Madison said sarcastically. 

“Shut up Madison.”

You had a couple days to kill until the tests. You spent your first day catching up with Cordelia. You shared what happened during the days you were gone. You went into detail about the place you stayed at, the food you ate and your catch up with your mum. 

“You didn’t know your mother was a witch?”

“Yeah, she thought it was dangerous for us to know. I guess she’s right. All the stuff I’ve seen in this past year is-”

“Too much?”

“No~ well yeah but… I never would have dreamt this was going to be my life,” You said. “I’m glad I came here. Met you. Who knows where I would be if I never joined this school?”

“I’m glad you did.” You snuggled closer to Cordelia, her arms wrapped protectively around you.

The second day you spent on working on your book in the greenhouse. Your work was going nowhere so you decided to take a break. ‘I’m pretty sure my sister started something similar, it’s probably still there unless one of her roommates moved it,’ your mother's words popped back into her head. It couldn’t be here, could it? Where would I be if I was a book? 

You scowered the whole school searching for that damn thing. Where do they keep old things? The garage. On your first week at the school they forced you to organise the garage because they were too lazy to hire someone else to do it. It was just as you remembered it minus the fresh layer of dust that coated everything besides the van. A dodgy industrial bookcase filled with ancient books. When you put them there last year, you had flipped through a few of them. Most were photobooks of years prior. There were so many girls back then. If you knew what years your mum attended you could have looked. 

You spent hours filling through the books getting sidetrack from your original goal. 

“Y/N cant be allowed to participate-”

“She has every chance to be the next supreme as the others do. We can’t skip someone in case we are wrong.”

“All the more reason to skip her. There is no way she’s the next-”

“-There is nothing to discuss.” Cordelia stood up and began to leave to check on the girls. 

“Cordelia~”

Cordelia made it all the way to Madison and Zoe’s room, were you were all crowded around your finds. All the girls were cackling and commenting on the photos as you flipped through them. 

“I can’t believe that's what she used to look like. Has that woman ever looked bad a day in her life?” Madison said. 

“I think it’s impossible,” Zoe said. “”Like the world might implode or something.”

“Girls?”

“What do you want Cordy?” Madison said. “Hey Y/N/N, your girlfriends here.” Madison summoned your attention from the conversation you were having with Misty and Queenie.

“Delia!”

“What are you girls doing?” Cordelia chuckled at your excitement. She was glad that you were getting along with the other girls. She was proud at how far you had come.

“Y/N found some old photo albums and there's a bunch of old photos of Fiona and Myrtle. We even found an old album with some of you.”

“Oh god you found those things. For once I’m thankful I’m blind.”

“What are you talking about? You're adorable,” you said.

“You're just saying that because she’s your girlfriend.”

“Shut up.”

“Have you looked for your mother in them yet?” Cordelia asked. 

“Wait your mother went here?”

“Apparently.”

“Okay, I suggest a game. First person to find her mum makes the worst concoction that the rest have to do a shot of.” They all go in on the game. “Y/N, can’t play so you can be the judge.” Sounded good by you. 

They kept guessing people from random albums that visually resembled you. The game got called off by the call for dinner. You were all cracking up all through the meal. Anyone who didn’t know any of you would have guessed nothing was wrong underneath this roof. All of you but aside your differences for one night and managed to prove that you could get along if you tried. 

As you were putting the albums away you found a brown leather bound journal hidden behind a box of assorted junk. You flipped it open to the first page, ‘This book belongs to Cordelia-’ The last name was covered in pen ink. Why would Cordelia leave a notebook hidden all the way back here? It was left with a bunch of old albums, maybe it was an old diary or something. In that case, its better to leave it where you found it. 

You met Cordelia upstairs in her bedroom. You’d been helping her get ready for the night ever since you got back. The night before she came to your room and asked for your help as you were about to get ready for bed. You ended up spending the night in her room. 

***

Myrtle seemed hesitant upon commencing the seven wonders. She kept eyeing you during the ‘last supper’ before the new supreme was crowned. For all you knew it could have been your last, you’d all been warned that one of the spells could lead to death if failed. This made Misty very worried. She didn’t want to participate in the whole sabang. To be fair, neither did you but there weren't many witches to replace Fiona.

Five witches with different specialties all competing for the reigning title of head of the Coven.

The two eldest members barely spoke directly to each other throughout the duration of the meal. Misty spent most of her time talking to Cordelia making you slightly jealous. Knowing you were being irrational, you decided to turn away from them and pay attention to Madison raving on about how much she had got this in the bag.

Cordelia explained that it is unprecedented for five candidates to attempt the Seven Wonders without sponsorship by the outgoing Supreme but desperate times call for desperate measures. 

The tests started out easy. First was telekinesis. Kyle lit five candles for the girls. Why you couldn’t light them yourselves was beyond you, it would have gotten rid of a test. All the girls move the candles towards themselves in turn, Misty had the most difficulty with the task but bubbled with excitement on completion while Zoe barely took a second to move the candle.

Next was Concilium. The girls turned on each other without a second thought. Misty made Queenie slap herself, Queenie makes Misty pull her own hair in retaliation. Madison goes overboard making Kyle do a series of tasks ending up with Kyle choking Zoe. You freak seeing Zoe getting choked. You fought for control over Kyle’s mind, controlling for him to stop. “Why isn’t he- oww” Madison complained before Zoe made her burn herself on her cigarette.

Cordelia declared enough. The girls complained -mostly Madison- you had yet to do something. You didn’t know what to make someone do, your mind was blank. You had some ideas of things you wouldn’t mind making your girlfriend do but not in front of the others. None of them were pg.  You wouldn’t mind a lap dance or watching her strip (the list continues) but that doesn’t solve the problem of people watching.

“I reversed your ass’s control,” You said to Madison. Madison wasn’t buying it. Zoe mouthed thank you to which you simply nodded. 

“Prove you can do it again” "make Cordelia do something."

"She's not a part of the test."

"It's alright, I don't mind."

"I don't want to make you do something, you didn't want to do." Your head darted towards Madison. "But I don't have a problem controlling you."

You made her suffer for all the things she did to all of you over the last couple of weeks. The other girls cheered you on, you were hyperfocus on the task you didn’t stop until a hand was placed on your shoulder snapping out of your concentration. 

For the next challenge, all four girls perform the Descensum wonder with a sun-up deadline. You all laid on the ground and chanted the incarnation, “Spiritu duce, in me est. Deduce me in tenebris vita ad extremum, ut salutaret inferi. Descensum!”

You sat there crumpled on the floor. The air felt cold on your damaged  skin. You sat exactly where you were before you entered your personal hell. Your cardigan laid near the loveseat. You were left puzzled, where was everyone? Had you completed it and woken up. No one told you anything about this task. Did you fail? The school was a lot darker than you recalled it being. The lights were turned off and not a single candle lit. You waved your hand to create some light but nothing. Odd.

You heard footsteps approaching the room you were situated in. A voice echoed around you but you couldn’t see anyone nor make out their words. A sting sensation filled your left cheek forcing your head sideways. 

“Y/n! Are you even listening to me?” An angry cordelia waved her hand in front of your face. “Typical,” she spat. “You couldn’t pay attention in my classes and you can’t now. Maybe if you paid more attention, you could have saved everyone.” ‘Saved everyone’ what was she on about? 

You scrambled up, backing away from the blonde who kept proceeding to get closer. Two strong hands grasp you in place, their grip, bruising. 

“You were always using your power to heal others and the one time we actually needed it your can’t. You're a pathetic little girl. I don’t know why we allowed you to stay at the coven. I should have kicked you out the moment I saw what you are. A damaged mess. There’s no saving you. You're a curse to this coven. My mother won’t be our downfall, you will be.”

You were left speechless. Frozen in fear. You stared into her hate filled eyes. The angry based heat radiating off her body could scourch you alive. Her nails seeped into your flesh drawing blood.

“I was glad when I was blinded. I wouldn’t have to be forced to see your face day in and day out. There is only so much torture you can put up with. You're a monster. a walking death trap. Your powers aren’t like queenies- hers was useful.”

“ENOUGH!” you shouted at her, ripping her tight grip off of you. “I am more than I appear and stronger than you think. You're not real and even if you were, your words are weightless. They won’t hurt me and you want to know why?” She was taken aback. She didn’t expect you to talk back.

“Why?”

“Because I know all of the things you said, I’ve thought them. I have said a million worse things to myself than that.” You said. “If this was a couple months ago, I would believe you. I really would. A part of me may still believe you but you have no right to talk to me like that. I am better than that and deserve more than you belittling me.”

She chuckled. You were done with this, her abuse. This wasn’t real. You were fine. This couldn’t be real. 

“Are we all back?” Zoe asked.

You jolted up, gasping for air. You were the fourth to arrive back. Cordelia treaded carefully as she made her way over to you. 

“Everyone but Misty,” Queenie answered Zoe’s question.

Everyone was staring at you. "What?" You stattered. You scrambled to turn around to see who was awake. Misty lay there stuck in her hell, "Shit." 

“She’s still got some time,” Zoe assured me, staring at the timer. The hourglass to see time was almost over.

“Not much,” you uttered. 

Cordelia felt around for you. The second she was close you teleported away from her touch, appearing next to Zoe. “Sorry,” you apologized, tucking your legs into your chest. Her head darted in the direction of your voice. “I-I didn’t mean to- I’m still shaken up.”

“It’s okay.”

“Misty needs you more than I do right now anyway.” Cordelia only nodded. 

“What was your hell?” Zoe whispered. Queenie leant down to listen.

“All my flaws on display. I’d heard worse. It was who was saying them that kept me there.”

Queenie pointed her head towards your girlfriend, you nodded feeling worse for dashing away the moment she got close to you. 

Misty was taking too long. "We need to help her" you cried out. 

"There's nothing we can do. She has to get back on her own."

"That's bullshit."

Cordelia hunched over the swamp witch’s body, hands on either side of her head, calling out for her to follow her voice. She chanted a spell, anything to wake her friend back up. By dawn, she hadn’t emerged. Her time ran out and with that, her body disintegrates into ash in Cordelia's sobbing arms.

“Her time is up,” Myrtle said. 

“No...No, no! No... No!” Cordelia sobbed, occasionally gasping for air. You shared a saddened look with two of your peers (Madison being to heartless took Misty’s death as an inconvenience). “Go to her,” Zoe mouthed. Hesitantly, you closed the distance, pulling her into a hug. She buried her face into your hoodie as she sobbed. You ran your hand over the top of her head. 

"We'll give the two a minute before continuing the tests." Myrtle said, ushering the other girls out of the room. 

"I killed her, I forced her to do the test when she didn't want to. She wasn't even one of us and I-I"

You shushed her, "It's not your fault sweetheart, no one could have predicted this."

"She didn't deserve to die."

 She was too young and too innocent to be trapped in her own personal hell for all eternity. You had nothing against the girl other than her closeness with your now girlfriend, but you would wish for a hell filled death. You wish you could bring her back. Save her from hell. It was too late. All you could do now was comfort her friend and hope nothing happens to anyone one else. 

“I had a vision, a terrible vision. None of us made it out alive. What if it was a warning that this was going to happen? That fiona will win. Were going to kill ourselves trying to save the coven. What if it's already-”

“Your mother isn’t going to win. None of us are going to allow that to happen. “

"I don't want you to go on with the tests."

"What? Delia~"

"Not you too. I don't want to lose you too."

"We still need to find the next supreme."

She wished to get changed into an outfit more fitting for a time of morning. Myrtle offered to help Cordelia while you recovered and checked on the other girls. You checked with Cordelia making sure she was alright with that before handing her over. 

“You didn’t just want to help me, did you?”

“Not exactly-”

“I don’t want any of the other girls to get hurt.”

“We have no control over this Delia. Your mother refuses to announce her successor.”

“We still have four test’s left. Who do you think it’s going to be?”

“I was so certain about Misty Day.” Myrtle pulled out a black long sleeve dress for Cordelia. “Maybe Zoe. ”

“All the girls are powerful, it could be any one of them. If Madison Montgomery really is all- maybe it is better-'' She didn’t want to finish that thought.

“I'll confess, I've had similar dark thoughts.”

“I know you were admitment on Y/N not competing but why not? She is a very powerful witch. We’ve seen her perform three of the seven wonders and those weren’t the ones in her wheelhouse. She’s a timid girl, it's possible she’s holding out on us.

“Cordelia, there is no way (Y/N) can be the supreme.”

“But why? You're not answering me.”

“The council thought it was better you didn’t know. It’s a story close to home.” Myrtle closed up the dress for Cordelia before leading her to sit on the loveseat in the middle of Cordelia’s bedroom. “I assumed Fiona would have told you-”

“She doesn’t tell me shit.”

“Y/N’s bloodline prevents her from being able to do one of the seven wonders.”

“What are you on about?”

“Y/n’s signature power, to transfer pain, it’s not the first time I’ve seen it. Y/M/N, Y/N’s mother and her sister attended the school.  During one of the lessons, Y/M/N got badly injured. Her sister, much like your dear Y/N, tended to rush to try and heal- at least Y/M/N. She didn’t hear about it until break. Y/M/N died and her sister attempted to bring back the child only cursing her with the same fate.”

“Y/N’s not the same-”

“Ask her if you don’t believe me.”

“Y/N can be brought back. She’s died before and my mother brought her back.”

“Giving your life is different to releasing some of someone else's.”

“I don’t want you to lose the love of your life because of a test that only one person can succeed.” 

“You think she's the love of my life?”

“She was willing to give you her sight twice.” Twice? Cordelia didn’t remember it happening twice. She worried it would happen again, the others must have stopped you. “Very few people are willing to do that for someone even if they care for someone dearly.”

“We should get back to the others,” Cordelia said. “I’ll stop her from going too far.”

Myrtle led Cordelia back to the others. They reluctantly continue the test. Next was transmutation. Zoe started a game of tag to lighten the mood. Much to your dismay, you were held back by Cordelia. You were confused but didn’t question it.  Zoe tagged you. Oh, it's on. You teleported out of Cordelia’s grip and tag Madison. The game of tag progressed on and was moved outside. Cordelia warned you all to be careful. None of you cared. You all needed this. It was a stupid mistake on yours part.

None of you cared until you saw Zoe’s lifeless body dangling from a spike on the cast-iron fence. You helped Kyle ease her body of the spike and transfer her to the greenhouse. Queenie attempted Vitalum Vitalis on Zoe in order to revive her, failing. She was ordered to take the saddened Kyle back to the house. Both Cordelia and Myrtle insist Madison perform Vitalum Vitalis on Zoe next, even though you were more than willing to go next. Madison proves her ability with a fly instead. They don’t accept this and request her to save Zoe or she was not worthy of being the Supreme. She complained, saying why they weren’t trying to get you to have a go since they all knew out of the two, they would prefer you as one. Madison exited angry leaving the three of you alone in the greenhouse with Zoe.

“I’ll clean up her wound a bit for when she gets brought back. It should be easy work assuming she didn’t puncture too many organs,” You said surveying the damage. “I think I have some medical equipment in my bedroom.”

“Can you get her the supplies, I need to talk to Y/N for a moment?” she asked her Auntie. Myrtle agreed as much as she disliked doing mineral work, she knew why she wanted to talk to you.  You didn’t like the sound of this ‘talk’ so you made small talk to prolong the inevitable. 

“I wanted to be a doctor when I was younger. My mum used to laugh and say I was just like her sister. Sadly, she died before I was born.” You filled your bowl of Luke warm water and brought it to the dead girl. "That's besides the point. I never really found a passion in studying anatomy. I ended up doing it so I could fix myself instead. Don't think a hospital would hire me with all these scars on me, they'd probably assume I self-harmed or something."

"You haven't-"

"God no. Well, maybe in a sense. I didn't need to help others. Everything's complicated."

"I think you should do it. Become a doctor, if you still want to."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe I will. Lets see how this goes first." Myrtle arrived back with your gear. No one knew you had a collection of medical equipment. You stole it from the hospital around the same time Zoe brought back her man. "I need full concentration while doing this."

They allowed you your privacy, promising to check up on you every so often to make sure you didn't need anything and to keep you from doing something stupid. You didn't push yourself to do Vitalum Vitalis. If they wanted Madison to try, so be it. As time went on, the idea came up in your head more frequently. Maybe you should try. Your work was done. The only thing you could do now was wait.

“Whatever you’re thinking, don’t do it,” Cordelia said. You hadn't noticed there in the room before. Was she always there or did she just enter?

“I think I can bring her back,” you said. 

“I don’t doubt you could." But? you thought. Cordelia made her way towards you. She rested a hand on your shoulder, your free hand that wasn't holding Zoe's found hers. You rested your body against Cordelia’s trying to find comfort in the tough time, "but if you do you’ll die.”

What was she one about? There was no way she could know that. You were getting better and even if it wasn’t, no one dies from trying to bring someone back by Descensum. If it was some frankenstein type work involved you could understand, there would be tons of risks, but this? You would be fine. 

“My magics getting better, I can give the pain back to people now” you reasoned. You prayed she didn’t ask for an example for that. She didn’t care if your magic was getting better that wasn’t the problem. After what happened to Misty and what Myrtle told her about a girl she knew, Cordelia didn’t want to risk the love of her life’s life. It took her too long to find you, she wasn’t going to lose you now. 

"It’s not that you are not strong enough y/n. It’s the fact that if you do it and no one can bring you back if something goes wrong."

"I wouldn’t die-"

"AND IF YOU DO? WHAT THEN?"

"Uh~"

“YOU’RE A WALKING DEATH TRAP. YOUR POWERS AREN’T LIKE QUEENIES WHERE YOU CAN JUST CAUSE SOMEONE PAIN BY THINKING ABOUT THEM AS YOU GET INJURED. YOU’RE’S IS MORE DELICATE. EITHER YOU HURT OR SOMEONE ELSE DOES. YOU DIE OR SOMEONE ELSE DIES. I HATE TO BE THE BEARER OF BAD NEWS BUT THATS HOW YOUR LIFE WORKS.” You froze. You're hell flashed back through your mind. You tried to shake it off but it was glued to your mind.

She stated all the faults in your curse. Her worry made it seem like you shared your burden now. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. She wanted to protect you from what she can’t control. If you died, she would live with your blood on your hands even if it was your choice. She would live with the knowledge that she couldn’t stop you.

You didn't see what she saw, nor her reasoning. You were too scared of your hell meeting your reality. Love molding into hatred.

Cordelia moved closer to you,causing you to freak out and teleport away at the last minute. She bumped into the workbench. 

Did you really teleport after what just happened?

She listened for any noise that could be you. After a few seconds you break out sobbing. You contained the noise as best as you could, if she could hear you, she wouldn't know.

"I didn't mean-"

"I'm sorry. I'm so~ sorry."

"Y/N?"

"I'm pathetic. You should have gotten rid of me when you had the chance, I'm only going to keep screwing up. I know you're glad you're blind so you aren't forced to see your face every day."

"None of that is true. Why would you think that?" You don't respond. She tried to make her way towards you again to comfort you but you teleported away again. "STOP TELEPORTING AWAY! HASN'T WHAT HAPPENED TO ZOE TAUGHT YOU ANYTHING?" You squeaked and stayed perfectly still. Cordelia saw her error. "Shit- Y/N. I'm sorry. Please talk to me."

You'd been acting strange with her since you got back from hell. The only times you were normal with her was when you were at arms length or when she was distressed about Misty's death. 

You acted the same way when you got back, teleporting away from her, apologising profusely. 

"Whatever happened to you in hell wasn't real."

"It felt so real. It's still hard to dissociate from it." You fidgeted in place. "You said so many vile things, did some- I was- I couldn't-"

"But you got out."

"I stood up for myself, for the first time ever."

"How did it feel?"

"I thought I was going to die. That manifestation of you looked about ready to kill me." Cordelia listened patiently. "Right the question. Uh? Great?"

"You don't sound sure."

"I need time to think."

"Can I come over to you?" You nodded but remembered she can't see so you vocalise your answer. She pulled you in close to her. "I didn't tell you not to do it because of any of the horrible things you thought, it's because I don’t want you to die because I made you compete against the other girls. You may have passed the others but I- two witches has already died today due to my blindsightedness. Not you too. I’m begging you to at least wait, let everyone else go first, as a last resort, if everyone fails then I give you my blessing."

"You’d make a good supreme.” You rubbed your thumb on her hand. You gave her an idea, maybe she should try the tests. “I’ll wait. For you Delia.” Cordelia smiled and moved her body closer to yours, wrapping her arms around your front. “Cordelia?”

 "Yes."

 "Can you take me away from here? I don’t trust myself enough to not do something if I’m alone."

 "Of course dear” She pulled away completely causing you to frown momentally. She stuck out her hand. You took it without a second thought. “But it’s more like you’ll be leading me out of here.”

You lead her through the house, arms hooked together and her other one holding onto the hand you used to hold onto her. She told you she wanted to speak to the others- more specifically Myrtle. You had no clue where they went off to after they brought Zoe to the greenhouse. Cordelia, relying on her powers now more than ever, used her magic to locate the others. 

“Lounge room,” she informed you. Upon arriving and spotting the woman you were impressed. 

“Damn, how did you do that? That’s impressive.” Which made her chuckle.She waved her hand for you to stop. She was a little bit flustered by your compliments not used to receiving them.

“Divination.”

“Why didn’t I think of that?”

“You would have eventually.”

“I wouldn’t have-”

The others turned their attention to the two of you. 

“You’re both back,” Someone said, you were still distracted by Cordelia. 

“I found y/n-” Cordelia cut herself off. “I stopped her.”

“I’m the last resort,” you chimed in knowing what she left out. 

“You're still allowing her to do it.” 

“There’s no talking me out of it.”

“So what's going to happen now?” Queenie asked. 

“I’m going to try the test.”

“You gotta be kidding me,” Madison said. 

“Unless you can bring back Zoe, I don’t see what other choices we have,” Cordelia said.

“You're just ramping up the contention to scare me,” Madison said. 

"She stands a better chance than the rest of us." You said. Everyone looked at you funny."She does~"

"Why doesn't Y/N try? She hasn't been disqualified yet," Madison said.

"You want me to try?" 

"So I can beat you."

"There it is," You chuckled. 

"It could actually be Y/N. She hasn't failed one yet and we know she can do two of the remaining-" Queenie added. 

"It's not impossible that someone manifests almost all the seven wonders, it's just near impossible," Cordelia said. 

"Since I've been put aside for a bit, can I pick the next one?"

"Sure dear."

"Divination." Cordelia chuckled knowing the exact reason why you choose that one.

Cordleia flew through the next few tests. Only one remained.You prayed under her breath that she was able to do it for the safety of the coven. Cordelia’s body plupeted towards the ground. You leapt forward to catch her before she hit the ground. Zoe jolted upright gasping for air. She did it. Your girlfriend did it. You were ecstatic. 

She grabbed onto you for support as you eased her back up into a standing position. You slowly let go of her and stepped back to talk it all in. Her all in. She radiated perfect health. Her eyes healed, no scarring from when they were stabbed. 

Cordelia took the world in, she never thought she was going to see again when she stabbed her eyes out. The world had never looked so bright. The vibrant colours of the floral you were all surrounded with, life anew. The coven lost a powerful witch but gained a new one. No, the power was always there just suppressed by self-doubt. Never again shall a witch under this roof be allowed to doubt themselves. She had a new mission, to make this coven the most powerful it has ever been.

A huge celebration was held that night to celebrate. A celebration among family because that's what you were. The coven had become your second family. You didn’t always get along and a couple members were slightly murderous but it was yours. Madison was out of the picture, she’d run off not long after the next supreme rose.

Cordelia decided to go public about the Witches and their powers in a television interview, inviting new witches to the Academy.  Myrtle reminded Cordelia that she must pay for killing the other Council members and should be burnt at the stake. Cordelia resisted, telling Myrtle that she has been like a true mother for her. She didn’t give Myrtle a response straight away. She seeked help from you. 

“Do we have to burn her?” YOu asked.

“She killed two of our own.”

“But hasn’t there been enough death. We know she won’t do it again. There was no way anything good was going to happen with those two in charge, they basically sided with your mother the entire time. Anyways, it’s my fault she did it, if I hadn’t done what I did she would never have given me the eyes.”

“Then she would have given them to me.”

“Please Delia. She doesn’t need to die, she was wrongly burnt before, can’t that wrongdoing be the price. No one needs to know.”

“She’s adamant that we do it.”

“But no one wants to do it. She’s too nice of a person to be burnt. Denounce her status as a council member as punishment if you have to do something.”

“What if people ask what happened to the last ones?”

“If they have to ask, then that means Fiona never told anyone. We could use that to our advantage, say we don’t know, it was under Fiona’s reign so they can’t blame you for their disappearance. There are ways around this, I’ll help you every step of the way.”

“Y/N~”

“I knew she was going to do it.”

“What?”

“She told me before she did it. She asked me to distract you for long enough so she could do it.”

“Y/n, you should have told me.”

“I know. Doesn’t that make me just as bad?”

“No.”

“In the eyes of the law?”

“Turning a blind side isn’t the best way to start a reign as supreme.”

“Still better than murder.”

Cordelia invited Queenie and Zoe to be her Council, denouncing Myrtle from her role as a council member. The two girls accept the job offer. The three remaining students took on a new role as teachers at Miss Robichaux's. Cordelia convinced you to take up your long dream of becoming a Doctor, enrolling you in a medical course. 

As Miss Robichaux's opened their gates for the new generation of witches, Girls and women were lined up for miles, waiting to take their places as students. Downstairs, the school had a guest, the old Supreme. Once the girls and woman had sorted from those who are and aren’t witches, you went up to Cordelia to inform her of her mother’s presence. She thanked you, placing a kiss on your head before leaving to see the woman. 

Fiona was ill and aged. Cordelia predicted that Fiona would not last the night. The two talked about her mother's impending mortality and that she must die for her daughter to truly live as well as Fiona always was Cordelia’s villain, her monster in every cupboard. Fiona wanted to be taken out the same way she took out her predecessor, but no one could help her move on to the end and that Fiona had to let herself go. As they hug, Fiona died in Cordelia's arms.

Cordelia gently placed her mother down onto the ground. She sat down in the chair to the right of the table, reflecting on the last few moments, the words her mother said to her. Her eyes landed on a wrapped package that wasn’t there this morning. Curiously, she unwrapped the paper revealing some sort of journal and her grandmother’s ring. Fiona must have found the ring since she was given the necklace. Cordelia slipped the ring on her finger, admiring it before drawing her attention back to the book. She didn’t recognise it. She opened it at a random page, the pages were aged, the writing in a legible cursive. The contents detailed the method to make a potion that Cordelia had never heard of before with line art of some of the ingredients. Unlike the ring, this book wasn’t for her. She flipped it back to the front. There was a short message wishing the book owner a happy 16th, criticizing their taste for a gift, so on and so forth. It was signed by Fiona. 

Cordelia closed the book, running her hand over the leather cover. It belonged to your Aunt and therefore was now yours. Once she dealt with Fiona’s body, she approached you with the gift.

“What’s this?” You asked as you unwrapped the book Cordelia rewrapped. 

“I found it after my mother died, I think it’s for you.”

You looked at the book you’ve seen before. You were confused, wasn’t this Cordelia’s? “I don’t understand. I thought this was yours. It has your name in it.”

“I’ve never seen it before today. I think it was your Aunt’s.” 

You opened the book flipping through the pages. It was exactly what you were looking for, not only to satisfy your curiosity of the woman your family refused to talk about (other than the occasional reference) but it was the key to helping you finish your project. You brought the book to your chest, huffing it tightly. Finally a connection to someone like you, the same power. You’d been compared to her too many times, now you get a glimpse at the young woman that left the world too young. She could have been you if you were allowed to finish the test. Maybe, there was no way to know and you didn’t plan on finding out. 

“Thank you Delia. Really thank you.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You’ve done more than you know.”