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gayfrenchtoast · 3 years

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Okay fine we're doing this. I havent read the books and I'm probably not going to I've only seen the movies so I'm sorry if anything I say is contradictory or has already been stated.

So! Descendants 3 was kinda shit and I dont like it but especially because of the ending because everybody was like "oh yeah island is open and we're all happy with no worries or implications about free villains or people being spiteful about being imprisoned for years!" In fact if anything they joked about those things.

The island is basically its own culture, I can't say how long it's been around, long enough for some almost adult kids to be about and to develop a kind of community.

The Isle is a place of poverty, people are dirty and on the street, eveyone steals from each other and most people don't put much effort into appearance upkeep (personal or of the sourounding area) not because of laziness or being "evil" but because they clearly don't have time or luxury to do such things or possibly even the clean water. Does the Isle have clean water?? How to they get electricity??? Someone tell me!

Another thing that I've noticed is easy to see but is not much explicitly said is the unique style of those on the Isle. As previously stated they don't have much but those who have the most "power" and such on the Isle are the best example of this As they have the most colourful outfits. However these outfits are often made out of patches and ripped things put together, even salvaged things like nets and chains as we can see on thing like Uma and Harry's outfits in D3 they make the best of what they've got and they do fantastic because their outfits are intricate and detailed and just tell you everything you need to know about them. Which is why it's a damn s h a m e when the original VK's ajust their style to be more like Auradon's. That's not an improvement! Be proud of where you came from!! It's like they forgot what it was like being on the Isle in D3!

Moving on, here's something that was touched on in D2 but not enough. Equality. On the Isle there is basically equal opportunity as in saying everything is shit and nome cares what gender and presumably what sexuality you are as long as you can work. Sexism is shown to be almost casual in aurodon from the looks of it, Chad makes sexist comments and litterally none else says anything or seems to see anything wrong with it except Jay who caves to pressure from peers and expectations. He does redeem himself because he's from the isle and he knows you shouldn't give a shit about anyone's gender or anything. If they can do something and ask to be included you give them that opportunity. The sexism is also implied in the way that the rule book has men written specifically in the first place and that it has taken until then for anyone but boys to be allowed on any kind of sports team. We never see it! It seems to be the hetronormative veiw where the boys do sport and girls do cheerleeding and other genders? What other genders? Never heard of that? BAD AURADON!! I bet there's so many trans folk on the island just living their lives, thinking Aurodon is the better place and not knowing that it's a cis het filled nightmare.

Okay no I'm headcannoning now, if their are now a bunch of Isle kids at auradon prep they find it fucking aweful the way all these preppy royals are treating them and make the first LGBT club in Auradon. There is lots of pushback and they get bullied a fuck ton for making themselves the most prominent queer folk in the school until a fight breaks out and the club demand that they should be treated better, taking all the evidence to fairy godmother who is very hesitant because COME ON she's never been that great she is biased to Auradon kids and if putting away those in the Isle is brought up she is all on it, she is jelly spined about doing anything against the royal kids. So the kids are like "Fine, if you won't help us we'll take this to the King himself!" Well mainly the queer mom's of the group (you know the ones I'm talking about) who lead the others and protect the anxious queers as they storm to Ben at his fucking locker and demand an audience because they are being harassed and bullied and none is doing anything. Ben had no idea there was even a LGBT club (too busy ig) and is gassed there is one for a moment before he's like "wait people are harassing you?" So Bisexual King Ben gets his lovely Bi wife and they start coming to club meetings and investing in the pins and stuff the club makes. Most club members are pleased but the queer mom's are apprehensive that this will help until some assholes come to the club to do their usual bullying only to find King and Queen Beast themselves siting there with rainbow bracelets and bi pins and all trying to have a nice old time eating their fucking cupcakes what the fuck are yall doing? The bullying dies down quick once they realise it ain't gonna fly, the other OG VK's that hear about this become members and very protective over their queer children. Did I mention Dizzy and Ceila are a part of the club? They're girlfriend's. Celia is one of the queer moms. Harry becomes one of the biggest protectors over the group as the pan dad. He's been going around snogging everyone and anyone wholl snog him everyone already knew he was queer they just didn't have the balls to try and bully him over it as much as they bullied the lil club members. But now Harry can often be seen in jackets and shit with pan and general queer patches and pins and running around with his gay children yelling "MOVE WE'RE GAY!!" He totally calls them his queer crew. Anyway as a result lots of queer royals start coming out of the woodwork, obvs Lonnie is one of them, and the club eventually serves to bring members of Auradon and the Isle close together.

Where was I? Yada yada auradon expects girls to be pretty princesses and boys to be brave knights or dashing princes. It's shit and should stop being portrayed as good. Moving on!

Food! One of the things we'll established in all movies is that the food of the Isle is shit compared to food of Auradon. The Isle has no fresh fruit which likely means its almost impossible for things to grow there which is fair because again there doesn't seem to be much fresh water and there are always clouds overhead so no sun. Maybe there is some people trying really hard to grow stuff but the general attitude of the Isle seems to be "there is no time for that" and fruits are forgotten so much that the VK's litterally don't knownwhat they are when they come across them. That and anything containing sugar. Actually it's mention by Dizzy and Celia that they enjoy the fact that the cake dosent have dirt or flies so basically food there is terrible. We don't see much food on the Isle but what we do see seems to be beans, eggs, chips and shellfish. Basically protine and carbs that can be easily stored and produced. To be fair beans are kidna good for you but they're likely a sign that if they get any imports from the mainland it is canned stuff. Prison food. There's probably some chef villain that is trying their best to make good food out of the shit but honestly the Isle dwellers should be angry that they've been deprived of good food for so long not happy they're finally been given decency.

Moving on, music! Auradon dosent have nearly as many musical numbers it seems, the Isle songs have a distinct style, to them, the villains that basically "founded" the place were masters of the dramatic songs (with backup or solo) so banging music is basically ingrained in the music's culture, even for battle as we see with the fight between Mal and Uma in D3. Meanwhile Auradon seems to have mainly romance and "I want" songs. Even Audrey's villain song is basically an I want song.

Okay let's talk about the Villains. We've established that the VK's are not inherently bad. However not all of them can be totally good and there are legit OG Villains just kinda chillin on the Isle. They've obviously lost quite a bit of their power, motivation and sanity (isolation will do that to ya as they lost everything and the VKs know no different) but deadass? They were bad guys. You can try to rehabilitate them sure but you've basically just let them free roam, they could make a runner and you wouldn't get the chance. They were also shitty patents which is brushed over/joked about in the interaction between Carlos and...man I feel bad I forgot her name deadass their relationship seemed to come out of nowhere in the second film she didn't seem interested in them at all and friendzoned them multiple times I'm pretty sure Disney did that becaue queer kids were relating to Carlos and headcanoning them as queer (which they deffinatly are) but deadass their mom is an attempted animal murderer and has hurt her child as we can see from how they're afraid of her and her rhetoric and yet it's "haha I'm afraid to meet your ma!" "Me too cus im a dog! Lol!" Fuuuuck offfffff

I think I'm running out of thoughts so here's a last one for now; with the magical barrier down a bunch of magical Villains kids should be coming out for the woodwork. We know Mal has magic basically stored in her so it's is possible, she technically doesn't need the spellbook to do magic it is just inherent to her. So with the diverse range of people from the isle there are deffinatly magic folk in there. Actually if we're following Disney movie law I saw something mentioning Jay being half Genie and yeah! He should be half Genie! Jafar got turned into a Genie he's probably only human because of the barrier! Oh also Ben should be able to go beast on command as long as he had a better beast form than he did in the movies. And give him back the beard and fangs like fuck you he looked so much better

Okay I'm done for now

#decendants #decendants 3 #mal #carlos de vil #jay #harry hook #uma

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fallingsunflower · 3 years

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My issue with the whole dress/ Billy Porter conversation is that H isn’t the first man to do it. Before I start my rant because I have a feeling this is going to be quite long, I have been a fan of his since 2011 . So I’m not someone who’s new and doesn’t really know much about Harry. Anyways, men in the media have been dressing like that for years. David Bowie, Elton John, Freddie Mercury, etc. And I’m sure there’s so many others. But the thing that pisses me off is that because it’s “Harry Styles“ then he gets all the attention. Everyone sucks his dick all the time because he wore a dress and prances around a stage with some pride flags and then the media paints it out as some revolutionary never done before thing when it’s really not. Imo, people are giving Harry a lot of credit for the advancements the LGBT community that he shouldn’t have. Like men have worn nail polish/ been more fem before Harry was even born. Glam rock was a thing before Harry was even born. He didn’t “end gender norms”. Nothing that he’s saying or doing is anything new but bc it’s Harry Styles saying/doing it then the words mean more.

I get why Billy‘s pissed off and he has every right to be. This is a perfect explanation how white cis-gendered men, no matter the era, gets more attention and praise than black men ever will. of course we don’t know what Harry’s sexuality is and how he identifies, and quite honestly that’s none of our business. nobody is trying to force anyone out of the closet. And if he wants to come out he should do that in his own time. but I feel that if you were going to do all the things that Harry has done over the years at least say that you’re an ally instead of dodging the bullet all the time and acting so defensive when the question or topic comes up because that’s what painting him out to be a queerbaiter in the GP

As a queer black woman myself I have to follow my heart and stand with Billy on this one. Sure billy could have rephrased the things he said but you have to put yourself in his position. I’m sure Billy was insanely upset and angry and we all have been in a position when you feel upset words come out the wrong way. I mean seriously Billy has been wearing dresses and preaching what Harry’s been preaching for years and no one‘s really paid him any attention (in comparison to H) but the minute a white man does it and everyone kisses his ass ??? Like idk about y’all but I’d be pissed off too. the core of what Billy said is true. Some of y’all are just to dense to realize it. I don’t think Billy was trying to make a personal fight towards harry. It could’ve been any white cis-gendered man and Billy still would have gone off. But I feel that unless if you are a queer POC it’s really boils down to something that you won’t/ can’t understand.

Harry never talks about things until he’s cornered or forced to. I mean let’s look back at BLM in March and how he waited ( I think) 2 weeks after everything happened to say something ???? The only reason I think he did anything was bc people were on his ass about it constantly but after he did he was praised for doing the bare minimum ??? Like no that’s not ok

Im just sick and tired of him and other white celebrities doing jackshit then painted out as a white savior and then the media/ the celebrities fans and teams get pissed off when POC share their perspective and angers.

anyways that’s just my opinion I know a lot of people won’t agree and that’s totally fine. We can agree to disagree 😊 this whole ask is a mess and I’m so sorry. I think just after this stunt I was shown a whole new side to H and realized things I didn’t put together in the past. I really needed to evaluate if “TPWK” is something he lives by or just sells on a T-shirt.

Don't worry, I thought it was well said and I agree! Harry isn't an awful person and he talks on the occasion, but he's not at a level where he should be overly praised or where he should overshadow others who have been activists longer, especially because of his sexuality (assuming we go by the straight narrative) and color of his skin

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whentherewerebicycles · 4 years

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hey ummm im tipsy too because it's my flatmate's birthday and I'm literally a lesbian woman but sometimes I worry I might not be lesbian and it scares me because I'm scared of men but sometimes I think a man is attractive (like my flatmate) and idk why I'm msging you about that, sorry if it's weird. but you seem to have very valuable insights about life that not many others have (somehow?? idk?) and I respect and appreciate that.

oh it’s not weird! i think one thing i have learned is that it is 100% okay and healthy to hold your own sense of who you are lightly, and to not feel so attached to a particular label that you don’t allow yourself lots of space to grow and change as you have new experiences or meet new people who bring out different facets of yourself. to me the label of ‘lesbian’ is not an Essential and Immutable Truth about who i am (ie something that can never shift or change over time). instead, using that label speaks to a decision i’ve made about how i want to orient myself in the world, how i want others to perceive and interact with me, and where i choose to channel my energy & attention.

when i first came out i spent many, many years feeling like i had to justify and “prove” that i was “really” a lesbian and that i was ~~~pure~~~ of any flickers of attraction or interest in men (there’s a conversation about internalized biphobia to be had there, but we’ll save it!!). i have described this phase (which i think characterizes many young or newly out lgbtq people’s experiences) as “the push,” because for me it was basically like, to get myself emotionally, intellectually, and socially free of the rigid constraints of compulsory heterosexuality, i had to PUSH really, really hard, to get enough distance between myself and all of that stuff. i had to shove it as far away from me as possible to lessen the chance that it would suck me back in. that was a normal and necessary part of moving into a more openly queer identity, and for many women who identify as lesbian the “push” involves completely disavowing any past interest in men or relationships with men or emotional attachments to men.

the push isn’t a bad thing! like i said, i think it is quite necessary at first, especially since women are subject to even more of the “are you sure? i mean, you’re not really gay, right? maybe you just haven’t met the right guy / maybe it’s just a phase / maybe you just couldn’t get a guy to like you / maybe you’re just afraid of men so you’re pretending you like women” bullshit than gay men are. but it’s a phase that i think most people eventually are ready to move out of (well, unless you are on twitter, and then you just live in the wake of the push forever and ever i guess). and that’s because it can be quite an intense and anxious headspace to live in, as you often feel a lot of pressure to “figure yourself out” (ie pin down what exactly you are -- are you a “real” lesbian or not?), as well as a lot of pressure to prove to yourself as much as to other people that you are who you say you are, or whatever. so it’s stressful to live there, and it also requires you to draw a lot of really hard-and-fast lines (like, “this is what a REAL lesbian is, and i’m only REAL if i follow all of these rules or check off all of these boxes all the time, and if i slip up maybe i’m not actually a lesbian, and i’m lying to myself and everyone else”).

over time i’ve come to hold my own identity more lightly, and to demand less certainty and fewer fixed answers of myself (and of others, too!). the identity label i use doesn’t really matter all that much to me - what matters is 1) that i am able to arrange my life and relationships in a way that makes me happy, and 2) that others respect the choices i make (something that’s not always within our control). right now, “lesbian” is the word that i like best as a descriptor, but i also know that labels are very, very generic categories that almost have to be emptied of specificity and nuance in order to encompass a very wide range of people. to borrow & repurpose a phrase from the transfeminist theorist emi koyama: there are as many ways of being a lesbian as there are lesbians. lesbian is just a general catchall umbrella category for an incredibly diverse range of lived experiences, histories, self-understandings, sexual and romantic choices, life narratives, etc etc.

if lesbian is the word that works for you or feels like the closest approximation to how you want to identify & be perceived by others, then call yourself a lesbian! it is completely and totally fine to be a lesbian who sometimes finds men attractive, or who finds herself attracted to a specific male friend. there’s nothing wrong with that! personally, i am a lesbian who has had important emotional and physical relationships with men in the past, and it’s possible that in the future maybe i’ll meet someone who i really click with who happens to be a man. it’s not maybe something that i would go looking for, and if it did happen, it would certainly prompt some soul-searching, as does any new experience that surprises us or complicates the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what we want. but holding my identity labels and my sense of self loosely means that i don’t have to feel as threatened by the possibility of changing desires or a shifting understanding of who i am & how i want to arrange my life.

my real true belief is that the vast majority of people are probably capable of forming deep emotional and physical attachments to any kind of person, if the circumstances were right and the person was the right person at the right time and we were open to the possibility of an attachment. i think that very few human traits or preferences are ‘hardwired’ into us in fixed and unchangeable ways. in general, most of our traits are influenced by a combination of nature and nurture, or genetics + experience. so like, idk, maybe some of us who are born cis women are slightly more predisposed than other people to find other women attractive. but nurture, lived experiences, environment, social and culture influences, and the stories we tell ourselves about who we are all play a much, much more important role in determining how we make sense of that predisposition, and whether we come to use words like “lesbian” to identify ourselves. so the type of rigid, stridently defended boundaries or definitions we often feel the need to invoke & defend during the "push” are even less useful here, because how could a fixed set of black-and-white labels (which, btw, only emerged in the last 100-130 years) possibly encompass or account for the wonderful heterogeneity of human experience?

anyway i guess this is all a very long way of saying that i think your worry is completely understandable, and certainly something i spent many years of my own life feeling! but i also think it can be nice to hear from other queer women that there’s a place a little further beyond that, which is basically just this realization: i am who i am, and i accept myself as i am right now, while also understanding that “who i am” will continue to evolve & change my whole life long. you are a lesbian if you say you are a lesbian, and if you want to have a crush on your male flatmate or find a male celebrity attractive or even try pursuing something with a male partner, that’s okay: it doesn’t mean your lesbianism isn’t real, or that you are now going to be pulled back into a compulsory heterosexuality you worked hard to push yourself away from.

but it also doesn’t mean that lesbianism is where you have to stay forever, just because that’s where you’ve landed or what has felt right for you up until now. it’s completely okay, normal, and healthy to allow yourself that space to change. maybe you’ll move into a phase of your life where “bisexual” or “queer” or “pan” will feel like a closer approximation or a better shorthand for how you understand yourself & want others to understand you. or maybe you’ll come to find some other word that you like better, or maybe you’ll decide that you don’t even want or need a word to live your life the way you want. the point is that you aren’t fixed in place. you are free to explore and to experiment and to try out different ways of orienting yourself in the world. and you should do so, in ways that feel exciting and affirming and right for you.

#mw #long post #sexuality #gender #it is also completely ok to identify as lesbian & choose to orient yourself towards other women because of fear/mistrust of men #that is absolutely fine and as legitimate a reason as any #but if that fear/mistrust of men is something that troubles you or distresses you it might also be something to work through w/ a therapist #esp if there are past traumatic experiences shaping those feelings that you might feel better & healthier/happier if you are able to #process them and work through them with someone you trust

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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With a little help from your friends (the help is praise kink and the friend is your boyfriend)

Who would have thought that fucking your boyfriend senseless cures dysphoria.

Alternatively: being a dom is actually something that can be so gender,

Fandom: It Lives (Visual Novels)

Pairing: Andy Kang/Tom Sato

Additional tags: let's see, mild mentions of transphobic and racist comments, Comfort Sex, the filthiest comfort sex uve ever seen but WHATEVER, dom andy kang, sub tom sato, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Dom/sub Play, Collars, Praise Kink, basically someone says transphobic shit and then tom rides him and talks about how wonderful andy is, except tom has also been in denial for a few days and he's super horny, and andy gets in domspace and everything is great and nothing hurts, Fluff and Smut, Humor, cuz u know these two are incapable of taking anything too seriously, Established Relationship, oh they're both in college and they go to the same college cuz i said so, set after the events of it lives beneath, that's it I think, trans author if that matters to you

Read it on Ao3

Andy isn't having a great day. It's not a terrible, clawing-at-his-chest-trying-to-deal-with-dysphoria kind of day, but he's been trying out this "not comparing everything to the worst possible scenario" thing his therapist has been talking about, so still, not a great day.

The thing is, he thought college would be easier. And it is, in a lot of ways. For starters, there is no evil monster spectre trying to kill him, which gives college at least 5 points over high school. And his uni has a pretty solid queer club, so he knows other trans people there. Some of them are even non-white. Some of them he even actually, truly likes. And most of the time, he feels like he has a place to turn to, and people to support him. He's not alone. He has people who get him. And that makes all the difference.

But basketball is still a nightmare, and his knee still hurts when it's cold, and winter is officially starting now.

People still hesitate to pass the ball to him, and it's frustrating, because Andy fought so hard to earn his old team's trust and now he's back at square zero. And well, Andy has been gaining this team's trust, because he's good, goddamn it, and his team owes at least the last three victories to him. He's not hesitant to say that, especially because otherwise no one will. And he can see that they look at him differently now - nod at him in the hallways, at least, talk to him in the locker room, pass him the fucking ball if his position is very, very open.

But if he weren't trans and Asian, he wouldn't have had to work so hard to get all of that - or well, just that, really. He has a full sports scholarship despite the fact that he had a broken leg, had to retake his last year of high school, and doesn't even have the body type for basketball. If he weren't Asian, if he weren't trans, his team would have assumed his greatness from day one. Instead, he has to show it to them time and time again only to get them to reluctantly admit maybe he's not bad. No one calls him "triple threat" anymore, but he still has to work three times harder than anyone else, and it's frustrating.

And usually Andy can deal with it, but right now his knee hurts, and he can't afford that because he'll lose everything he's worked for if his teammates know that his fucking knee hurts. So, he braved training and then he got the fuck out of there without even changing so no one would see him wince. Which means he's still in basketball shorts, which are short, in the cold, which means his leg hurts more.

At times like these, he's thankful he never got the chance to go through with his promise to break his other leg kicking Noah's ass. Because he would have, and then both his legs would be hurting right now, and two legs that hurt every time it's cold is just too many legs.

No comparing to the worst possible scenario, he tells himself. Therapy is so hard. If he had known there would be homework, he would have thought twice about going.

And that's, apparently, the cue for his phone to go off. Andy smiles, knowing who it is even before he opens the message, because only one person messages him during class, and it's the only person he wants to hear from right now.

Tom <3 sent you a message

Grinning like a fool, he opens it.

Tom <3: dude, im horny af rn. the fuck

Finally, good news, Andy thinks, smiling. Then he remembers why Tom is so horny, and suddenly this day is great, actually.

He quickly types a reply.

You: who wouldve thought that 3 days of denial would make this happen

Tom <3: ill have u kno i was very good at holding it together before today

You: yeah, dw. soon u wont have to hold it anymore ;)

Tom <3: that flirt was terrible, dude

You: said the guy whos calling me dude for the second time in this conversation

Tom <3: what else should i call u? 😩

Andy thinks for a second. Tom and him do longer-term denial every once in a while, but they aren't in a 24/7 relationship. Does Andy really want to go there right now? Yes. Well, that was fast. Okay then.

You: how about "sir"

Tom's reply comes fast as lightning.

Tom <3: Yes, Sir.

Andy smirks at himself.

You: uve been hoping that id say that, havent u?

Tom types for just a little longer this time.

Tom <3: Yes, Sir.

----

Many things are wrong with the world, and Andy doesn't mean to make light of the other things, but the fact that Andy can't simply go and fuck his boyfriend whenever he wants is definitely one of them. It should be, like, financial compensation or something. We're so sorry the school environment is transphobic, here, have a free sex pass. Sounds fair to him. But instead, he still has two hours of classes to go through, and Andy is a better guy than he wishes he was, so he tells Tom to pay attention to class instead of sexting him, because he doesn't want Tom to struggle even more with his course when he had already had to leave it once. God damn true love or whatever.

The point is, by the time classes are finally over, his day is back to not being that great; he's tired, and his leg hurts. He gets to their car after Tom does, and Tom takes one look at him, and says, "I'm driving".

Andy crosses his arms. "Why?"

"Because your leg hurts," Tom answers, rolling his eyes and taking Andy's bag from him and putting it in the trunk.

Andy looks down at his legs. He wasn't limping. There aren't any bruises. How the hell-

"It's cold and you're in shorts. I'm not an idiot, dude."

Right. Yeah. Right. Of course. Tom knows. It's… It's alright.

"Bad day at training?" Tom asks, slowly, sympathetically, and Andy feels himself settle in his skin a little bit.

"The usual," he answers, getting inside, and, as always, Tom gets the hint.

---

Their uni's dorms are gender-segregated because these guys have still not gotten the memo that people of the same gender fuck; and Andy wasn't willing to deal with cis college guys' bullshit, much less cis college girls' bullshit; and the uni wouldn't let him simply pick Tom as his roommate. So, they rented out a beat up apartment right next to it instead. It took a little longer to get there, but it wasn't a lot longer, and well, it was worth it.

Tom gets inside, still carrying Andy's bag because he's transphobic and unfair and had taken it and bolted up running so Andy wouldn't have a chance to argue with him. And Andy can't run after him with his leg hurting, which kind of proves Tom's point that he should carry Andy's bag. All in all, Tom is the worst, and he turns up the heat as soon as he gets inside and sits Andy down on the bed, kneeling in front of him to take a look at Andy's knee.

He's silent for a while, massaging his knee until Andy sighs and throws his head back, before Tom plants a little kiss on his knee and looks up at him. Andy's knee always stops hurting when Tom kisses it better. It's a little embarrassing, if Andy is being honest, but still- nice. Really nice.

They stay for a little longer like this, Tom humming and massaging his knee and Andy not meeting his eyes, until the question inevitably comes.

"What happened?" Tom asks, not letting up with the smooth movements of his hands, his eyes big and sincere with worry.

"Nothing. Just the cold. You know how my knee gets."

"I meant, for you to leave practice without putting some warmer clothes on."

Andy looks away. "It was nothing."

"Dude, are you expecting me to go, 'okay, yeah, that totally makes sense and I believe you', or…?"

Andy laughs, despite himself, and throws his good leg up in an almost-kick to pretend he's retaliating. "Don't be an ass."

"I'm not. Come on, Andy. You know you can tell me."

"It's nothing, it's just- Kyle-"

"Oh boy."

Andy laughs. "Yeah." But then he grows serious, "the thing is, he doesn't mean any harm, you know? I know he's not saying it to hurt me, and so that just means that, like... that it's true."

Tom's hands stop their movements, rubbing soothing circles around his knee instead. "What did he say?"

Andy doesn't look at him. "He asked me why I didn't stay on the women's team. Said that I could have an advantage, cuz Asian people are androgynous anyway, so no one would notice that I was taking hormones."

Tom just stares at him in shock for a moment.

"And I was like, 'dude, I've been on T for three years, I'm pretty sure they would notice the changes'. And he was like, 'yeah, but you still look like a lot of Asian girls with short hair, you could write it off if you wanted', and I just…" He trails off.

Tom waits in silence for a second, seeing if Andy finds his words, before asking, "Is Kyle, like, okay?"

Andy scoffs. "I didn't try and fight him, if that's what you're asking."

"No, I mean, does this dude have a screw loose or something?"

"He's very bad at figuring out what is or isn't offensive, yeah, but it's not like he really cares, he just won't go out of his way to antagonize me."

"No, I just- Andy, even when you were a little kid with huge pigtails, anyone would have to be crazy to see you as a girl."

Andy bites the inside of his lip. "You're just saying that."

"I'm not. It's just wrong, man. It was so obvious that it was wrong. Anyone could tell. There's nothing about you that says 'girl' to anyone who's looking."

Andy sighs, finally risking looking at Tom's eyes. There's overwhelming sincerity there, and Andy instinctively looks away. "I guess. Maybe. I don't know. It just got me thinking... Maybe T didn't change anything. Maybe I look exactly the same, maybe it was just hopeful thinking that had me thinking it would change anything, maybe it's just- pointless to even try-"

"No, no, come on," Tom says, and the interruption is so sudden it makes Andy look at him again, just in time to see Tom shaking his head vigorously. "There's no way you believe that. What about this bad boy over here?" He smiles, reaching out softly to caress Andy's neck. "You have more of an Adam's Apple than me, dude. And we both know you don't need T to be a guy, but thinking it made no difference is just crazy and you know it. What about those dry pecs? These broad shoulders of yours? Your voice, I mean, come on. You even smell different, man. How can it be pointless, if even your scent is different?"

Andy looks to the side again, but he can feel himself smile. "Well, when you put it like that..."

Tom gets up, but stays close, putting his hand on Andy's cheek, slowly, as if testing the waters, before turning him slightly to look at him. "Andy. Kyle is an idiot and a transphobic racist who's too damn lazy to realize how fucked up he is. And you shouldn't have to deal with that, and I'm sorry, and I will set him on fire."

Andy laughs. "You can't keep threatening to set every shitty teammate I have on fire."

"I can, because it keeps making you laugh," Tom says, smiling. Well. Andy can't argue with that. "My point is, you wouldn't listen to a word this dude says if it were about anyone else, so don't listen to him when he talks about you, okay? T or no T, you're no girl, and you don't look like a girl, and regardless of whether or not Kyle's dumb ass noticed it, your transition has been doing you good. Remember when your voice started to crack and get all weird? I've never seen anyone be that happy about it."

Andy laughs. "It was pretty awful."

"No, it was great, 'cause you loved it. Do you want me to pull out the 'before' pictures we took in case this happened? Look at yourself, dude. You fit so much better in your own skin, you know? And like, you've always been gorgeous, but-"

"Come here," Andy interrupts, pulling him down because Tom is standing and Andy is sitting and Andy is already height-challenged. And Tom goes willingly, carefully straddling Andy's lap and meeting him in a kiss. Finally, Andy thinks.

Tom kisses him softly, slowly, one hand resting on the back of Andy's head and the other draped lazily over his shoulder, as he usually does, all gentle and a little hesitant, and Andy is having none of that. So he grabs Tom's hair and deepens the kiss, bringing him closer until their chests are flushed together and he can feel Tom's hips mindlessly making little circles against Andy's belly.

They separate - or well, stop kissing, really, because Tom is still as close to Andy as physically possible, and Andy feels about ready to shoot anyone who tries to push him further away. Tom's a little breathless, and his hips are still making these almost imperceptible movements against Andy, and Andy realizes that he's still grabbing Tom's hair and that he's a little breathless, too.

Tom looks down at him for a second, as if debating something with himself, before saying, "and like, not to be horny during a serious moment, but since we're talking about the effects of T... Andy. Andy. Your clit. Fuck. It's so huge now, and it's got a visible head and you can fuck my face and everything, and I could sing it praises for a week and probably will if you don't stop me right now."

"Hmm, but I like it when you sing me praises," he smiles. "Keep going."

"God, I was hoping you'd say that. Do you have any idea how much I've been thinking about it today? I didn't hear a single word anyone said to me, all I could think about was you fucking my face, pulling my hair, making me worship you and beg to be allowed to suck you off, I wanna serve you like you're my God." Tom's hips start to jerk up, more visibly this time, shameless, and see, this is why Andy's been really, really liking this whole denial thing - Tom has only started to explore his subby side recently, a little ashamed of it to admit it to anyone, even himself. But when he's horny enough, he gets shameless and desperate about what he wants, and god, nothing is more beautiful than Tom when he asks for what he wants. He feels something growing inside of him, not sure if it's warmth or heat, but seeing Tom like that, wanting him, needing him, definitely makes him feel so much better.

"Yeah?" Andy asks, tracing a finger over Tom's shoulder, close to his neck, just to give him goosebumps.

"Fuck yes, I want it so bad, and you deserve it too, Andy… Sir. You're the best Sir I could ask for, I just want… Want you to use me, want you to cum on me, want to kiss you all over and worship you and pleasure you, you're so gorgeous..." He hides his face in Andy's shoulder for a bit, but his hips don't stop moving. He whines, "Andy..."

"Address me properly," Andy snaps, feeling the edges of worry clear from his mind and giving way to that wonderful feeling of clear-mindedness, of power, where nothing matters but his own pleasure. "And maybe I'll give you what you want, if you earn it."

Tom nods, hips full on thrusting now, and Andy snaps again. "Stay still."

And he does, immediately, without question, biting his lip and keeping his eyes shut with effort. Andy can feel his thighs clenching and spasming over his, trying to keep himself from moving, trying to be good. He hums in appreciation, but doesn't praise him for it, not yet.

"I'll get you ready," Andy explains, before reaching to Tom's hair, and starts to undo his bun, as slow as possible, just to watch him squirm. He gets so impatient when Andy undresses him, which is why Andy never misses a chance to drag it out.

He begins by removing Tom's jacket, sliding his hands slowly over his shoulders, then down his back, feeling the firm muscle there, digging his nails just a little bit so he can see Tom's eyes flutter in bliss. When the jacket falls to the floor, Andy begins circling the hem of his shirt, sliding until his hands are back on front, fingers just close enough to Tom's cock for him to feel Tom tense in his hands, so damn sensitive to his touch, so needy. God, he can't get enough of this, but he pretends that he doesn't notice, lets Tom try and keep himself together as Andy's hands slide over his belly, then chest, over the shirt, collarbone, wrapping and resting on Tom's throat just so he feels the threat of it, before Andy finally grabs the back of the shirt's collar and tugs, taking it off. Then he slides his hands back down, making sure to run a finger just over the sensitive spot where his pecs end, then lower, over his ribcage, belly, hips, next to the bruises where Andy had grabbed him the night before, then back to the middle, just over the bulge in his pants, and Tom finally breaks and jerks up slightly, letting out a little moan.

"Sir," he whines, "please, please, I-" Andy continues to circle the head of his cock with his finger, "please!"

"Patience," is all he says, before going back to his painfully light movements, imagining Tom's needy cock twitching under his fingers, imagining the effort Tom makes not to thrust up or keep begging for more, just because Andy told him not to. "You know how much I like playing with your pretty little cock. You said you wanted to serve me, didn't you?"

"Yes- yes, Sir."

He hums, noncommittally, not looking at him. "Good." He teases the tip of his clothed cock some more, enjoying the way his mind zeroes on that, the way he feels like he has all the power and the time in the world. Finally, he pats Tom's thigh once. "Get off, and take off the rest of your clothes. Get the lube and a condom."

Tom gets up, a little shaky, and does as instructed, while Andy reaches down to the drawer under the bed where he keeps his dick's spine and a few of their toys. He gets the spine, then adjusts his packer briefs so he can put it on - best purchase of his life, really, those briefs. So much easier to use than a regular strap-on and it makes the packer sit over his clit just right, making a little suction and pressure. Andy couldn't be happier that he was already wearing them.

Tom gets back with everything he asked right in time for Andy to finish making his dick hard, and goes on to put the condom on and cover Andy's cock in lube with the kind of attention that makes Andy hold his breath. Tom's so careful, yet eager, and adoring, about it. Andy feels like the hottest guy in the world.

Once he gets permission, Tom sits on his cock, slowly, getting adjusted to it - admittedly, Andy went a little overboard when he bought his first cock. Andy waits until Tom is fully seated, littering his neck with little kisses and praise for how well he's taking him, how pretty he looks, until Tom looks fully comfortable and ready to start complaining if Andy doesn't start fucking him in earnest soon. That's when Andy shows him the other item he pulled from the drawer - Tom's favorite collar.

Tom's reaction is instantaneous. He throws his head back, moving over Andy's cock as he lets out a breathless, almost choked moan; the hands he had resting on Andy's shoulders suddenly squeezing full force in his need.

"God, you're such a whore," Andy says, casually, and Tom nods, even as he flushes. The collar is just a simple black one, with a little hoop for the leash, but inside they had it engraved with the words Andy's whore, and it left visible marks that could be seen for a few hours after they took it off. It never failed to drive Tom crazy, so it always drove Andy crazy, too. "Stay still," he warns, and Tom nods, breathing heavily, gripping Andy's shoulder as tight as he can as he stays frozen in place. Andy slowly puts it around his neck, checking with his finger to make sure it's not too tight, and the second he clasps it in place, Tom's whole body relaxes, a content little sigh escaping his lips, his face slack and blissed out. He likes being owned, so much. Andy can't get enough of it. "Good?" he asks, just to make sure it's not too tight.

"Perfect," Tom answers, the words leaving him in a sigh. Andy then ties the leash to the headboard, making sure that they're just far enough from it that he'll be feeling its pull the whole time. Tom lets out a moan. "Thank you, Sir."

Andy smirks. "Now, here's what I want you to do," he says, "you're going to ride me, just like that, and you're not going to come until I tell you to. You're definitely not going to come before I do. If you come close, you'll have to tell me. I want to hear you scream, so make as much noise as you want. Do you understand?"

Tom nods again, almost dizzyingly quick. "Yes, Sir."

"Good, then get to it."

Tom doesn't need to be told twice. He starts riding him, slowly at first, trying to find the perfect angle for Andy - not himself, Andy notices, pleased. Once it's perfect, Andy orders, "faster, slut,” and Tom obeys, as always, working up speed as he tries to keep himself upright, feeling the tug of his leash with every movement, moaning the whole time. “Good boy,” Andy says, and Tom’s responding whine is high pitched, embarrassing, needy. He gets even faster then, starting to babble as he keeps on working, and Andy just stays casually in place, not having to do a single thing while Tom works to give him pleasure.

"Fuck, you're so perfect, did you know that?" Tom asks, quickly sliding down on Andy's cock, making sure he puts all this weight in the end so Andy's cock will press down against his clit just the way he likes, making sure to go as deep as possible, "I've been dreaming of your cock for days, god, Sir, nothing's better than this," he hides his face in Andy's shoulder, speeding up even more, thighs shaking with the effort, and Andy puts a fist in his hair and pulls, watching as Tom throws his head back and lets out a scream, working even faster on Andy's cock. "Sir!," he whines, "oh, thank you, thank you, feels so good, oh my god, please, I'm gonna-"

"No, you won't," Andy interrupts, "I'm not even close to coming yet. Keep working, slut."

"Y-yes, Sir," he whines, going faster, deeper, and Andy makes it harder for him, keeps pulling at his hair to expose his neck, litters kisses and bites on his exposed throat, grabs his thigh and squeezes hard enough to bruise so Tom remembers he's his, his whore, his toy.

"I love it when you get like this," Andy says, doing his best to keep his tone even, even as he's a little breathless from pleasure, from power, "I bet you want to come so bad, don't you? If I'd just give you the word, you'd be making a mess of yourself, coming on my cock right now-"

"Fuck! Yes, yes, Sir, please, I'm so close."

Andy smiles. "No."

Tom whines, so cute, adorable, and Andy is nice enough to leave a little kiss on his shoulder, grounding, calming him down. Before going right back to torturing him, "no, you don't get to come for a long time yet. I want you just like this, on edge, tasting it…" Andy grins. "Tell me how close you are, baby."

"I'm- I'm so close-"

Andy slaps him in the face. "You can do better than that."

"Fuck, I feel like I'm going to explode, I'm so close, I want it so bad, and you feel so good, God, you have no idea what you do to me, Sir, your cock is so perfect, it hurts, I need it- need to cum on your cock, Sir, please-"

"No."

Tom chokes on a moan, and starts to go even faster. He lets out a little whine, something Andy thinks was supposed to be a word, but doesn't come close.

"See," Andy says, "this is why I won't let you come. Look at you - every time I tell you no, you get so desperate, so obedient - it's what you want, isn't it? You want me to keep telling you no, you want to know your pleasure doesn't matter, that you're just here to serve me."

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes-"

"Good, then keep going. And beg all you want- I like telling you no, too."

Tom does. He begs, and he says thank you when Andy denies him, again and again and again. Thank you, Sir, thank you for using me, for putting me in my place, I'm yours, I'm yours. And he keeps on praising Andy, praising his cock, his body, the way he fucks him and uses him, no one else makes me feel like this, no one deserves to be worshipped and served like you, Sir, I want to make you feel good-... Until even the clear-minded state of domspace begins to crumble and Andy feels nothing but pleasure, and confidence, and power, and he cums to the sound of Tom praising him and begging, once, twice, three times, until his head is clear again and everything, even the need to chase his own pleasure, is gone, and he just feels perfect.

"Stop," he orders Tom, who's still babbling more and more incoherently, endless praise and worship, and Andy finds that he worships Tom right back. "I want you to get my cock as deep inside you as you can, and stay still. I'm going to play with your dick for a while, and when I tell you to, you can come. You did well today, baby."

Tom nods, suddenly struggling to use his words. "T-thank you, Sir," he says, already frozen in place, thighs clenching with the effort not to move and also shaking with all the effort he did before.

Andy coos. "Poor baby. You were so good to me today. Let me take care of you."

"You always- always do, Sir," Tom replies, and Andy smiles.

He gives Tom a long, slow handjob, making sure Tom stays still through it, enjoying the way his thighs shake on top of Andy's, the pressure of Tom sitting tight on his cock, the way his arms also shake with effort where they rest around Andy's neck; Tom's pretty, exposed throat all marked up around his collar, his breathless little whines as Andy makes sure to do it just the way he likes it, makes his cock turn red with need; watches Tom bite his lip, because when he has to keep still he becomes so quiet and needy, even as the little whines go through his lips… Until Andy finally says, "come for me, baby," and Tom screams through an orgasm that lasts almost a minute, hanging on to Andy as tightly as he can to keep himself anchored through the pleasure.

And then Andy holds him, and Tom holds him back, and they hold each other.

----

A while later, they've cleaned up Tom's cum so it doesn't get all sticky on Andy's chest, and Andy's finally taken off those damn briefs - they're great for sex, but get pretty tight when you wear them for a long time - and Andy holds Tom against his chest. He's humming, contently, and if anyone had told him at the beginning of the day that he'd be comfortable enough to have someone close to him while he's fully naked, he'd - well, probably assume they meant Tom, but still be skeptical.

"How do you feel?" Tom asks after a little while, finally opening up his eyes and saying hello to the world.

"That's supposed to be my line," Andy laughs.

"I feel great. Perfect. Next time, I wanna do it for longer. A week? Let's try a week. Or two weeks…?"

Andy laughs. "Let's not make too big of a leap yet."

"Fine. A week sounds good. Great. And now that we've established that denial is totally bomb for me, how are you feeling?"

"Honestly? I'm feeling great, too," Andy admits, playing with a little stray of Tom's hair, swirling it around his finger, "I think I needed that, a little bit. Who'd have thought that having you ride me and praise my cock cures dysphoria."

"Every trans top on every forum I've ever visited."

"Let me have my moment of realization," Andy mumbles, faux-annoyed. Tom just laughs, holding him closer.

"I'm just glad I could help," he says.

"Please tell me you didn't ride my cock just to help."

"Well, no, in case you hadn't noticed, I was horny as fuck. I just tried to, you know. Use that to give you a little push. Since you wanted to. Y'know. Also, it was all true. So..."

"Thanks, love," Andy says, earnestly. "I love you."

"I love you more."

They bicker about it, and Andy's smiling the rest of the day.

#it lives #tom sato #tomoichi sato #andy kang #tom x andy #andy x tom #it lives in the woods #ilitw #it lives beneath #ilb #it lives anthology #smut #i am back on my bullshit ig

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i-did · 4 years

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1/ 4 oh it's funny you brought up the ace people thing bc i'm actually aro/ace so i can elucidate on it a little xD i don't currently write smut but i sure have read a lot of it. i think a lot of ace people find fic a safe way to like? satisfy their curiosity about sexual things without having to look at real people or even watch porn which (esp mainstream porn) can be a lot. and also to like.

2/4 idk when you don't get something but it's such a big part of what so many other people seem to find super important it makes you kinda want to figure it out? i guess? and also a lot of people have a libido even if they don’t experience attraction so that’s a thing too. 3/4 part of the reason m/m is so popular is bc it’s just like. been that way in fandom so long that it’s a habit, and i don’t think the percentage of people fetisizing m/m relationships is really as high as it’s made out to be (although it does still exist, more or less prominently in every fandom) 4/4 my closest friend is a trans dude and he identified as a lesbian for a very long time and he’d never written lesbian porn and one day he was like. “its bc im not a lesbian and i want to write about dudes bc i am one” and i think there are a lot of younger people who are still figuring stuff out which is why i try not to be too harsh on individual people. i do still think it’s important to critique and look at why broader fandom trends turn out the way they do. anyway sorry for sending you a barrage of asks i just get excited about fandom meta xD

-mild nsfw and pwp discussion-

Hey! Yeah no worries, my blog has been pretty quiet activity and ask wise until just now so I'm kind of surprised by the amount of asks I started getting literally over night, but yeah I dont mind getting them lol.

I think "habit" is an interesting word to use in regards to people whipping mlm over wlw, and probably a pretty accurate one. I think however that the percentage of people who are fetishizing mlm is higher than people realize, because from my point of view... i haven't really heard many people talk about it or take it seriously. I don't think its just fetishization, I think its also lack of well written women as well as the default in lgbt being gay man, but i also think the fact that well developed characters get flattened out and a heteronormative dynamic gets placed on them, and the abundance of pwp proves that there is definitely fetishization and people need to start to unlearn it in fandom imo. It makes it a very uncomfortable place to be for mlm otherwise.

Also I know a lot of similar stories to the one you're saying about your friend, trans guys who didn't know who they were, especially gay trans men feeling like they fetishize mlm when they don't they're 100% mlm too, and having room for exploration is important like you said. Your friend is a straight trans guy but the point still stands.

About the ace thing: yeah and I totally get that, I know someone who reads pwp of mlm because its unemotional unlike wlw pwp and as someone who is aro they want to not feel like theyre missing out and know whats up with sexual psychology.

I've heard of a lot of ace people reading pwp to "figure out what the deal is" but its interesting to me how many people look into pwp that would be outside of their demographic, aka cis women reading pwp mlm. I think its important to note that probably 97% of mlm pwp isn't written by mlm for mlm, and isn't actually accurate not only in the mlm gaze, but also functionality and how sex feels. Its porn. Porn exaggerates things, it makes things sound bigger and more extreme and extraordinary because it os inherently performative in a way to arouse the consumer. In had an ace friend tell me they were sad sex wasn't something that they could experience in pwp but, no one can lol. I mean there is more toned down realistic pwp, but the vast majority talks about full body feeling (which btw amab people experience orgasums localized while afab experience more full body)

I get the appeal to not want to look at real people but wanting to know, but why only read mlm if thats the case? Why not also wlw or wlm, etc.

Also its important to note it still isn't actually accurate in a lot of small ways beyond gaze, but also proper prep, health, sanitization, eating habits, body hair, positions, terminology, sensations, culture etc.

I've had someone state that if they wanted accuracy they would go out and actually sleep with someone, but still that person was a cis woman reading mlm pwp, and I think accuracy is important to a degree to prevent issues like fetishization, but also unrealistic expectations.

You stated that mainstream porn is a lot, and it is, but also so is pwp imo, especially as a mlm. The pwp tag in ant fandom is quite wild lol. Thats. Thats my 2 cents, its quite wild.

But yeah overall the best thing is to assume people don't have ill intent, they usually don't! But that doesn't mean that overall some people aren't also causing harm by doing such things like fetishizing mlm in fandom.

Cool asks lol wasn't expecting this everyones been chill so far thanks for the lack of anon hate and remember that the internet is a public space and to try to be respectful of others.

#aftg #all for the game #fandom politics #fandom psychology #ask #mailob

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divinationcentral · 3 years

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hi dear may i send in an ask for a love reading from you? my initials are AP and im a cis female, and I want to ask about a guy I just met, his initials are KW. He’s a quite popular person even though he seems to be the cold, introverted type. I feel a lot of intense physical attraction to him and my friends think i totally have a chance with him. (fyi, im a taurus and hes a scorpio 😂) Some obstacles that may get into our way is well, he does seem to be the lady-killer-popular boi that everyone likes and i heard he had a bit of a bad boy reputation- idk how true this is bc they are just rumors but it lowkey turns me on 😂. knowing myself i feel like i would be more interested in a casual (maybe fwb, maybe casual hookup, a fling, etc) with this guy rather than looking for a romantic relationship. i dont have a specific question about this, happy to hear whatever the cards have to say, though i’d definitely love to know what he thinks about (like does he feel similar attraction to me at all) and if we stand a chance to get together? thank you!

Hi AP! So, here’s your reading:

I think it would win you extra points if you said you wanted something casual, but mainly: you should just express your interest (or rather your interests if you have something in common, just so you can let him know you are interested in getting to know him, and to obtain an opening).

This person does seem to have a history with women, but it isn’t all that great lol.

A lot of the people he has had interactions with left him feeling unwanted. Or rather—the connection would start quick and fizzle out immediately. So he’s definitely looking for something new. I would be careful of entering the same dynamic as the rest, however, cause it ended pretty badly for them (as in: heartbreaker type energy haha—I’ve heard Scorpios are intense). He may have shared his heart a little too soon, though, so he could be reeling from that situation and may come off as a little guarded.

My recommendation is starting off slow. Get to know him better. He would really like this (since he gets a lot of attention anyway, it’s nice to have a real one-on-one conversation with a person after that type of bombardment).

As for how he views you: You got the 4 of Pentacles. You might be a little stiff to him haha. Show him your fun side. 😊I think he wonders what you’re like beneath all the callousness.

Idk if maybe you as well have kind of cool/serious vibe to yourself (or if you just seem like that personality type to him, maybe he's told you this before or will). That said: he’s considered it (especially if you know him personally now). There's an attraction there if you wish to pursue it (especially if you tell him you're interested in casual dating). But! If you don’t know him personally, you showing interest is enough to get him thinking about it.

And what could happen? We got the “if it’s meant to be it will be” card (the High Priestess)—but don’t let that deter you. You’re not at the mercy of “divine timing.” This just means that if the connection is going to work out, it would have to flow naturally. Don’t peg this person out to be the end all be all (that’s a lot of pressure on someone who is barely finding his footing). Consider what he wants and if you fit the bill--there should be no worrying. Maybe ask him what type of girl he’s even interested in.

He, on the other hand, is the Hermit. Meaning he is waiting for an opportunity to find partnership. And he’s thought about it immensely, because he’s represented as very obviously lonely here.

He seems to be ready for a relationship, quite frankly. He’s got himself together despite all the heartbreak/heartache in his life.

The action to start a relationship will be taken by you if you show interest. And he can decide at that point if this is what he was waiting for.

The type of person you can expect him to be is fun, a little teasing, and definitely emotionally mature. He’s got two kings (the one of communication and logic, so he’s probably smart and articulated), and the Emperor (king of kings)—so he’s got himself and his shit together. He knows who he is and what he wants.

If it’s not you—he’ll tell you. 😊 And he’ll tell you what he is looking for. It may not be something casual! Just letting you know.

PS. Contrary to what you might think, he’s probably waiting for the right girl. :)

#@humming-bird-145 #asks;

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gettin-bi-bi-bi · 4 years

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I know y'all've answered trans asks before (you've answered some of my trans ask but I'm still going to apologize for not being a bi question. Anyway, I've been considering taking testosterone on and off for a while to attain more androgyny/masculinity but I'm worried it'll be a bad decision or that I'd regret going on if I do, especially since the biggest reason for wanting it is the vocal change. I know I can just not take T and do vocal training but that never feels like enough (but I guess it's also kinda on me for not getting into the habit of training consistently). I know of some of the physical changes too, and while I don't think the fat distribution change would really do much for me since Im pretty thin I think some of the physical changes would also help relieve some dysphoria. Im sorry I guess it's less of a question and more of a vent and that I should probably talk to someone about it but it's such a difficult like, conversation because i'm nonbinary so transition goals are a little less straightforward than if i were binary.

hi nonnie. i totally understand how you feel. i’m “binary” in that i do see myself as male but i always saw myself as a very effeminate guy, so when i first started taking T i was worried that i would become Too Masc(TM). personally though i am really glad i started and feel so much better and like myself on it.

some disclaimers i do say to everyone i talk to abt going on T - everyone is affected differently by it. just because it’s listed as something that typically happens, doesn’t necessarily mean that it absolutely will happen if you go on T. i always call it a “Genetic Lottery”, because it really just kind of depends on your own genes and also how high your dosage is, whether ur using gel or injecting it, etc. some trans people look at the cis guys in their family as a potential for how T might effect them but ultimately it’s one of those things that are like you can’t really know for sure until you do it.

honestly i know plenty of nonbinary ppl who’ve gone on hormones and are glad about it. regardless of gender identity most doctors will start you off on a low dose to see how you like it and adjust from there. i would talk to a gender therapist about it and also to the doctor prescribing it and see what their thoughts and recommendations on. some people also prefer the gel instead of injections because they are not as strong, and also because of a fear of needles, but it does need to be considered carefully since the gel can rub off on other people especially if you have a partner and/or are sexually active. also you can always stay on the low dose if you like what ur changes are and don’t feel a need to increase it. it’s totally up to you !!

anyways i hope this helps a bit. hormones are definitely not necessary so if you decide not to or that it’s not the right time now that’s perfectly valid. what matters most is what you feel is right and will lead to happiness for you.

i am pretty candid about the changes i’ve gotten from T, physical or otherwise, so if you want to know anything specific you can always ask. like i said it is different for everyone but i know that hearing people’s experiences can be helpful as well so im open to that jsyk. :)

Wes

#anonymous #reply

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allthephils · 4 years

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Cindy Cindy. I think I have a date with a girl? Hi I’m desperate lesbian anon from the other day 🙋‍♀️ well I started talking to this girl online like 2 days ago and everything is going well. We both want the same thing (a gf) but I want to take things slow. She’s completely out of my legal and I’m constantly worried that she won’t like me in person and think I’m fat or just not as pretty as in photos. She’s such a beautiful woman. But when I get scared I always purposely fuck it up to save myself from getting hurt when I have feelings. I still get comp het sometimes. Anyway she said that she’s going to pick me up and we’ll go somewhere. She’s so confident and I’m just not the same. I’ve never been in a relationship so I’m shitting it. I’m so awkward

Anon! That’s so exciting! It’s going to be OK. First of all, she is not out of your league. I want you to go back and read that again and keep repeating it to yourself even if you don’t believe it. She is not out of your league. That’s not real. We live in a culture that is dead set on making anyone who isn’t a white cis man hate themselves. It’s not your fault that you have those insecurities but I guarantee you you don’t see yourself the way this person will see you. She sees you and she likes you, she wants to go out with you. It takes a lot of courage but you have to trust her. She knows what she wants and it’s you. Feel good about that. I know that comp het is a persistent and insidious bastard. Keep taking baby steps, that voice will shut the fuck up eventually. I know it’s absolutely terrifying, I’ve been absolutely terrified for a couple of years now and I only got the courage up to say something to my girlfriend because my feelings were so strong I just couldn’t avoid it anymore. So I commend you on putting yourself out there when it’s so scary! I have totally been guilty of doing that thing where you self sabotage because it feels safer but you can do this. You can reach out to me anytime for a pep talk, even literally while she’s waiting in the car if you need to. You’ve got a whole Tumblr full of frustrated lesbians backing you up. We’re rooting for you!

And because I am forever everyone’s mom, remember to be safe. I always think it’s smart to let someone know where you’ll be when you’re going on a first date and turn on location services :) and then let go and have fun. Im so excited for you!!

#anon #not phil though i think he’d approve #dating #i’m seriously so unqualified to give any advice #I never even dated women I just went straight to madly in love #but I know these feelings #whatever happens I hope you have fun!!

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kinkymagnus · 4 years

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I love you (no Romo though) also do you have omega Magnus ideas

flkgjdgkdjfg mood anon

hm... ok this will probably be messy but let’s get on some highlights

OK THIS GOT SUPER LONG HAHAHA

set up and worldbuilding my guys

ok so first of all i feel like i gotta talk about how this interacts with trans magnus. i promise i’ll get to the fun stuff afterwards!!

i know some people like to go more into like, the realistic dynamics of a/b/o (trans a/b/o people, as in, a trans alpha who was born an omega, or like, sexism that has to do with a/b/o and those different new stereotypes, as well as like “non traditional a/b/o dynamics” like alpha/alpha or omega/omega relationships, how this interacts with new different sexualities (being attracted to only alpha females? alphas and betas and all primary genders? etc.) and how it intersects with REAL transphobia and sexism and sexuality) and like.... i have two takes on this i guess:

one: while this is not inherently wrong i guess, it’s just. not what i get from a/b/o. for me a/b/o isn’t a complex worldbuilding set to play with necessarily, although i def am one to ask questions and overthink worldbuilding even in the stupidest of shit. but like, i come to a/b/o for fluff (nesting, fluffy heat sex, maybe scenting and/or “mates” if i’m feeling it), smut (knotting, heats/ruts, etc.), and MAYBE angst but that gets into dodgy territory sometimes. (i’m a slut for arranged marriage aus tho ngl dfgkldjfdg.) like. that specific set of tropes is combined perfectly in a/b/o, and it’d be hard to do that in a coherent au as this is already established and saying “au where alec has knots and magnus has heats” is weird. the only other au that gets close is very specifically like a werewolf au which has its own trappings, you know? it’s a specific coherent and established au and it’s hard to separate the tropes i like from the other stuff.

two: again, i don’t think it’s inherently bad. but i do think that a lot of people who do this are basically just reinventing real issues like transphobia, homophobia/queerphobia, and sexism... without actually dealing with those things or the characters they would involve. and i think that it often strays into yikes territory. so like. i don’t love it. (also it does have some yikes stuff people do like going really, really hard on the oppressed omega angle, or worse, reinforcing the gender roles of omega = submissive soft weak baby, alpha = strong dominant and scary man. or sometimes they establish other roles but either way like, all their characters fall into that. and i think sometimes it kind of works for this feeling like a guilty pleasure trash romance novel where it’s just uncomplicated fantasy of being taken care of, but like.... even then it just gets dodgy, you know? also it does tend to get INCREDIBLY rapey.)

i often used a/b/o for the things i mentioned, and before i started writing trans magnus smut, also ironically as a way to sort of write trans magnus in smut without actually doing it out of fear of backlash/lack of popularity. and while backlash hasn’t been much of a problem, my popularity has definitely gone down fics-wise. (i get much less in the stats area on ao3 now)

and cis omega magnus is in a way basically trans magnus but he has a penis and there’s knotting. like i said, in many ways, a/b/o is sort of a way to write porn with trans characters while keeping to cisnormativity. i, as a trans person, took advantage of that to get more comfortable with writing it, but a lot of cis people use it basically to just. do that. you know.

so how do i reconcile this with trans magnus?

basically i say “fuck you, he’s trans AND an omega, i want heats/ruts and knotting and nesting and shit” and then ignore it lmao

like ok he isn’t cis. he’s afab and gnc and all the shit i normally write, it’s just like. he also gets heats and his ass doesn’t get wet dlfkjgdfg (god it sounds So Unappealing when you say it like that. now that i allow myself to write smut with real trans characters i could never go back to a/b/o--although, like. some a/b/o aus actually do have male omegas have a pussy but that feels even more slimy in the sense of just. make them trans.) and like alec’s an alpha and so on you know.

i basically just ignore all the complex worldbuilding shit and trying to figure out how sexuality and gender and the various -phobias and -isms would be effected by the addition of secondary genders and their trappings, and just go “fuck you” under the guise of an a/b/o au

tl;dr, so i have a lot of complicated feelings on a/b/o and how it generally is something i do not trust people to write properly. but i also am a total slut of a lot of tropes that are sort of entrenched in a/b/o specifically. namely, heats/ruts, knotting, nesting/scenting, etc.

let’s get into the fun stuff.

magnus and heats :)

ok so heats are super like. vulnerable, you know? i’d think magnus would take heat suppressants (ah another plot convenience in this au) because he doesn’t want to spend his heat with someone he doesn’t trust. that’s not to say he’s never had a heat with someone, or even that it’s been all bad experiences, but it never clicked super well i think and like, it’s something that’s very hard for him. because there’s a lot of vulnerability and trust involved, and he loses control and could so easily get hurt

also possibility: while he can take suppressants to lessen how many times he gets a heat, taking them consistently for literally centuries sounds like it could fuck someone up. so. perhaps. magnus occasionally spends his heat with a trusted friend like meliorn (not someone who feels like Family and therefore would it feel incesty, but def someone who is a close friend) and while he still doesn’t love the feeling of being that vulnerable, and it can be uncomfortable--it’s not like he’s looking forward to it--but like... he definitely does trust meliorn (and possibly other non canon characters?) and it’s not like it’s disgusting and miserable. it’s not like, The Same, but it satisfies the biological side of it and sometimes it’s even like. fun, you know? it’s nice.

ngl i actually kind of like the idea of meliorn helping him with these heats and being like a trusted alpha he knows would never hurt him like that. that does mess with any angst you want to go with him not trusting alphas or not like, having good experiences with heats/ruts (like in “stuck in a rut”), but like, different aus different stories, and anyway you could probably work something in there about meliorn specifically being different and someone he trusts

this is on and off, he sometimes does have heats with whatever romantic partner he’s with, although it... doesn’t always end well. so he has a lot of bad experiences, but at least with meliorn he has a good experience to look to, as well.

also camille was a TERRIBLE alpha. i can 100 percent see her using his heat against him to hurt him (and being like oh baby dont you trust me? you cant go to this seelie for your heats, you cant cheat on me, and why are you taking suppressants, dont you trust me--?) as well as potentially her ruts (actually a) im not sure i want to go into the logistics of a female alpha--would she... have a penis? because i’m not making camille a trans woman nor am i touching those transmisgyonistic vibes with a ten foot pole. b) actually, maybe she’s a beta. she could use that against him, as well--being like she doesn’t understand why it’s such a big deal, you know? also i refuse to believe only an alpha can satiate a heat even tho it would work the best because like--fuck i’m overthinking the worldbuilding again this is EXACTLY what i wanted to avoid. fuck, never mind.)

but like...........when he gets it (namely with alec, because yes, i am a slut) with like someone he honestly is a viable “mate” or someone he trusts and like, has actual romantic feelings for, too...............it’s literally mindblowing. magnus had no fucking idea heats could feel this good. obviously he had fun with meliorn and felt safe even if he felt kind of awkward/uncomfortable (not bc of anything meliorn did but his own issues with being vulnerable) but like............... alec just fucking makes him melt???

like he felt safe before, he did know meliorn would never ever hurt him or take advantage of his heat, but now he feels so like... free and safe and open? it’s not just the normal vulnerability that comes with but the complete lack of discomfort, just feeling absolutely safe and like. not worried at all? again i want to emphasize it’s not that he felt unsafe before or that meliorn necessarily did something wrong, but bc of his own like. readiness to be vulnerable + while he does trust meliorn, it’s like. it hits different with a romantic partner (in this specific context!! this is not a romantic > platonic thing), if that makes sense.

an y wa y THE POINT IS. magnus is like. Mind Blown. having sex with alec during his heat is like. amazing. alec is so intent on taking care of him and just worshiping his body (alec!! ravishing him!! pressing warm kisses all over his tits!!! big hands all over his body!! caressing him everywhere and giving him physical affection all over and just making him squirm and moan!!!!!!) and like. not only is he absolutely intent on taking care of magnus and making him feel good and making sure he’s comfortable, but like also it’s just??? really fun?? and alec gives him so much affection and so many kisses???

magnus is not the best conversation partner during heat because he is a little. busy. but it doesn’t stop alec from talking to him and helping him stay grounded and just like... treating him like a person? he hadn’t realized one of the reasons he was so comfortable with meliorn and now alec wasn’t just bc he knew them well and trusted them with this kind of thing, but because like. they treated him like he was present despite him being mostly non-verbal and incoherent beyond vague pleading. like, they always made sure he was comfortable and talked to him and didn’t just do what they wanted with him. it didn’t feel like he was a doll--getting satisfied and fucked hard, yes, but like. also sort of just being used. and not in the fun sexy pre-planned way, but like, in a way that just made him feel more distant and disconnected.

but alec very much doesn’t do that. he keeps talking (and there is a lot of praise! so much praise and gentle affection and teliing him how beautiful he is and how good he’s doing--and of course dirty talk wink wink) and even narrating what he’s doing/his intentions, you know, and not only his voice generally soothing but it’s just nice you know

and like again i would just like to go back to alec ravishing magnus’s tiddies with kisses and holding them in his Big Hands and massaging them and like kissing his nipples and just making him feel so good??? iconic. we stan.

and alec like. is the perfect mix of gentle and rough, you know? he knows when to pin magnus down and fuck him nice and hard and rough and get him squealing and begging, but he also knows when to be gentle--particularly at the beginning and when he’s coming down. not to mention even when he is fucking magnus hard there’s a lot of gentle touch accompanying it

also not to just be a slut but

Also It Feels Good Because Alec Has a Huge Cock

that’s not to say meliorn doesn’t or even that you need a big dick to pleasure someone well but like.

alec has a big cock.

and it feels. hhhhh. good

magnus when alec first slides into him in heat: [straight up just immediately goes incoherent and whining with pleasure and kinda just mewling and clawing weakly at his back or the sheets on either side of him]

and alec fucks him so well :) like they’re honestly both feeling so fucking good like just AAAAAAAAA im such a slut for alec taking care of magnus in heat

also. uhh. K N O T T I N G

alec sliding into him nice and slow to make sure hes ok and like hes loving it, alec fucks him, and when he’s about to knot him magnus is somewhere in the back of his mind expecting that usual queasy sort of anticipation like he does Want It but usually he does kind of feel a little discomfort and again just... apprehension. this is The Moment, and he’s really giving up control you know

but it. doesnt come (but magnus is about to AHAHA)

and he just wants.

like he honestly just really really wants this and it’s kind of a revelation how much he genuinely wants this

alec knots him and magnus is Losing His Mind it feels so fucking good he comes almost right away and he’s just right there again

hes so Full and everything about it feels amazing

and like after alec has like. made him come a dozen times squirting and came inside magnus’s cunt and kept him knotted full there’s just this moment where magnus is exhausted in the best way, lying on his back, legs spread, alec still knotted inside him, his cunt is full of cum and he’s panting and moaning a little and alec is just on top of him and it’s warm and amazing and he’s coming down from the high and he just feels.... incredibly relaxed actually

like he’s like wow have i ever been this melty and relaxed and floaty, like, ever?

the answer is no, not really.

alec is just gently stroking his hair, pressing soft close-mouthed kisses to his skin, and they just sort of cuddle for a bit while waiting for magnus to come down completely from his heat and for alec’s knot to go down and honestly just lying there entwined is really, really nice.

magnus is full and relaxed and he genuinely loves this feeling in a way he’s never experienced before

even when alec pulls out and magnus is pretty much back to himself completely again magnus is so exhausted he just sort of lies back and lets himself breathe and alec is like Pamper Mode Activate(TM) and magnus tries to be like its ok to relax i do like cuddling with you and i can clean up myself its ok and alecs like But I Want To Take Care Of You and like helps clean him up (just... magnus lets himself relax as alec gently uses a damp cloth to wipe away cum and slick you know? idk there’s just something intimate and sweet about the dom helping clean their sub up in the aftercare) and gets him water and a snack and then once they’re both tidied up pulls him into his arms and he strokes his hair and they just cuddle and it’s great :)

i wonder if magnus talks to meliorn about this either. hm

and from then on, alec is the one he goes to for heats. and alec, of course, becomes immortal, which means he can take care of magnus for the rest of their lives :’))

whether magnus would stay on suppressants is another matter because on one hand heats can be inconvenient and like he might still want to minimize them, but on the other hand Hnnnnnnggg Alec Feel Good. so i could see them going either way here.

also i mean................that’s not to say that meliorn would Never help magnus either..... two possibilities here: 1. for whatever reason magnus’s heat is coming and alec can’t be there. meliorn is happy to help. it’s good to have back up i guess lkjfgh fuck idk. but the real fun one....

2. as magnus has more heats, they may or may not have a little Fun with it. perhaps roleplay (whether this be like “oh..... oh no..... im a poor little maid and i’ve gone into heat.....Looks Like My Boss Will Have To Fuck Me” or like even pretending the heat isn’t part of it and he’s Just That Slutty and we love to see it, etc. obviously they alec is sure not to push it too far, he teases magnus but probably a lot less than he normally would bc he’s so sensitive and needy and eager-to-please, but like.... they sure do have some fucking fun with this.

and also. i mean.

threesomes. y’all knew i was going here.

look idk how i got so far on the magnus/meliorn (as close friends and fuckbuddies not romantically) train but HERE WE ARE.

magnus getting absolutely wrecked by two alphas and LOVING it is not something he ever thought would happen, particularly while he was in heat, but it’s happening and he absolutely loves it.

also there are other fun possible scenarios like in “goldenrod” where alec doesn’t know that magnus is an omega and Shenanigans Ensue or whatever like just....both fluffy and angsty possibilities.

i’m a total slut for friends to lovers “oh no magnus is in heat :( but alec can help him through it, gently and lovingly, just completely as a friend :)” which can get into dubcon territory but if you fuck with it it’s doable. and i’m just a slut for pining pre-relationship heat sex.

even like in an au, alec playing the role meliorn did in the previous bullet points but blended with how i discussed their first heat together so like... helping his best friend through his heats, showing him a really good time, making sure he’s comfortable and magnus is just like wow i’ve never felt this good and safe during a heat before :) guess it’s because we’re friends and definitely no other reasons :)

i’m not sure how to word this right but i feel like there’s a potential angst here of like a mundane au of some sort wherein magnus has only had a few relationships with alphas and none of them great so when alec is helping him through his heat he assumes it’s different (as in, alec is so gentle and caring and treating him like this, and he feels safe) because they’re friends and it’s a different dynamic, and that being treated Badly is just like, the normal way alphas treat their mates. or something. look. let me have my whump ok

but the point is alec sets him straight obviously

but like anyway i just like.........i adore friends to lovers malec and heat sex it’s got so much fluffy potential with magnus just feeling Utterly Safe (and pining angst) and alec is both a) incredibly turned on/helplessly in love with him so he’s loving every second (even tho Pining Angst) and b) just in awe that magnus trusts him that much??? (also sad he’s SURPRISED at being treated gently flgkhfjghgh)

malec and ruts

ok as i explored in “stuck in a rut” i think it makes sense that magnus would not feel incredibly secure during ruts. it’s not something he would have sought out with say, meliorn, although he would have been willing to do that meliorn has other partners more than willing to help him with that and actually love it while magnus is. very wary of it.

like a heat, it leaves him feeling very out of control and it seems kind of scary--but it’s almost worst, because rather than feeling needy and helpless (which is a good thing when with a trusted partner but not so much when he’s less sure, or when they take advantage of that) it’s like. he’s cornered totally sober with a similarly out of control alpha, except with more Dominance(TM) and potential aggression you know?

so maybe he’s had some very bad experiences before. and i doubt it’s been literally all terrible, but i think he would likely avoid relationships with alphas, so he wouldn’t have a lot of experiences to draw from overall anyway

but like okay let’s get to the fun stuff

i’ve been over the angst of magnus not being sure how this is gonna go but wanting to Tough It Out with “stuck in a rut” although it’s probably a bit exaggerated for fun angst purposes but idk aaaaa

but anyway the point is here. alec gets his first rut with magnus and like, he probably hasn’t been with anyone during a rut (suppressants?) so this is wild for both of them

but even Feral(TM) alec’s entire goal is just taking care of magnus

i mean obviously there’s an element of like wanting to get his own satisfaction and all but it’s just like..... mutual pleasure you know??? like he wants to fuck magnus nice and hard and make him feel good and magnus is just a mewling mess in his arms letting alec take control and ravish him and they are both having a great time actually

but like ok let’s just. move away for a moment from angst

just................... alec fucking magnus nice and hard and rough, pinning him down and “”making“” him take it, and there isn’t really much teasing because he’s too busy wanting to fuck magnus and fill him up :)

but like it’s also fluffy bc even all needy and desperate alec still takes the time to make sure he’s ready and prepared and wet and into this before fucking him, makes sure he’s comfortable and checks in on him and if magnus safeworded or told him to stop you know he absolutely would, without hesitation, even if it literally hurt to do. which is basic decency obviously but the like.... the just trust and care there? the fact that even in a literal fucking rut when he’s supposed to be out of control he’d force himself to stop if magnus needed or wanted him to is just.... comforting and good and i love it

and magnus is like hm i have never felt this safe when with an alpha in rut before! time to examine this trauma later.

nesting (ft. scenting)

AAAAAAAAAAAA

i love the concept of nesting so much it’s so fluffy and sweet and dkgjfklgjg

you build a pillow/blanket/clothing nest that smells like the people u love and u feel safe in

and then you get ravished in it sometimes

iconic.

like magnus just piling a fuck ton of soft things (ranging from blankets/pillows to just like spare sheets and shit like that) and stealing alec’s clothes to put in there and curling up in the middle of it feeling safe and in heaven tbh

especially once they key component of the nest arrives: alec

*magnus yoinking alec into the nest and immediately curling up against him like a particularly insistent cat*

alec is just like This Is Precious and wraps his arms around him and strokes his hair and magnus is purring (purring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we Will discuss this later)

and it’s just nice and somft??

fluffy cuddles?

i feel like nesting would be a particular urge either during or near heats so im just imagining pre heat magnus being like *suddenly stands up* I Must Gather Soft Things (Meaning Pillows, Blankets, And Alec)

and he just makes a nest, all aesthetically pleasing and arranged nicely, maybe a candle nearby with a nice scent that kind of helps, and just..... curling up in alecs arms all content

and alec ADORES this like the first several times magnus was scared of coming off as clingy so he suppressed nesting instincts let alone cuddly needy clingy instincts but alec was sort of like hey baby it’s ok if you just don’t want to but do u need to nest?

and also he just made a point of being more touchy/affectionate when his heat was coming up/dying down and he watched carefully to make sure it didn’t magnus uncomfortable but he melted into it even more than usual

so like just....alec cuddling the fuck out of magnus in his nest and it’s warm and safe and smells like home????

scenting i feel is kind of weird and i feel weird being like “mm he smells good” or whatever but like also it can be so cute when done right you know lkgjdgfg like omg just...... Alec Smells Like Home

their scents kinda mix and both of them have the others’ lingering on them and people can tell they’re super close

and just.....................again..........alec like scenting him, marking him as his in a sort of gentle soft way? and like, burying his nose in his neck and nuzzling him and he smells so nice and good???

especially if you’re going with true mates think their mates’ scent is just the best thing ever flgjlkjlfkgjfgh

but anyway ok

back to nesting

and specifically, because i am a whore, to S E X

magnus feeling absolutely safe there and it smells like home and alec’s holding him and it’s so--

hey so i know i said i was going to do sex,

but hold on a sec

ANGST

magnus has nested before. but generally not with romantic partners.

not sure if familal nesting is a thing--i feel like it’s possible, but given a general association with heat (i mean one could either feel the urge to or simply enjoy nesting outside of Heat Time(TM) but like) it feels a little weird

so let’s go with it’s more romantic except for maybe like really young kids or something idk

but anyway moving on from that

magnus has nested before

but almost always alone

and an empty nest is just not the same?? it’s still warm/safe but like... it feels empty and sad too. especially if he DOES have a romantic partner they just don’t want to nest with him--saying he’s clingy, or it’s time consuming/boring to just sit there, or whatever else.

camille was particularly guilty of this, he had to basically hide his nest and cram it in a closet or something (the enclosed space was actually kind of nice but it was too cramped for his liking and it felt even more empty and sad than usual)

and then he would just be there alone in his small empty nest and it was still reassuring but it was just......not the same

also he didn’t have anything to ground him so he got all fidgety (adhd magnus? adhd magnus.) and like it was a lot less comforting than normal you know

but with alec OH BOY

not only does he feel all warm and grounded in alec’s arms like he can relax and doze off and feel good and alec is stroking his hair and it’s just. nice

but like also

BACK TO SEX

alec making sweet love to magnus in their nest and it’s just like wow this is the most safe place possible

it’s not even heat sex they’re just having fun and magnus is like this is my dream come true

and then obviously there is also heat sex

it is the most mindblowing thing either of them have ever experienced

also i feel like while it’s not an instinct thing to build nests for ruts, they still do it because they’re soft and it helps them relax anyway

PURRING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PURRING

ok i absolutely love the a/b/o headcanon i’ve seen before where like, omegas purr only when feeling completely safe? particularly around alphas?

so like.

magnus doesn’t purr that often.

or he didn’t but then he fell in love with alec “his arms feel like home and safety and love” lightwood

it is not uncommon to see him cuddled in alec’s arms purring contently

or like in his nest leaning into alec’s side or head resting on his chest, PURRING

also i have this fic somewhere but au wherein alec doesn’t know magnus is an omega yet and then finds out because magnus dozed off on his chest and BEGAN. PURRING. BECAUSE HE FEELS SO FUCKING SAFE AND TRUSTS ALEC SO MUCH.

even if he hadn’t told alec about being an omega yet for whatever reason

anyway just alec stroking magnus’s hair while he purrs away and its adorable and also soothing for both of them so they fall asleep like that

magnus’s purring is like a soothing thing for alec big time its good sensory time and also just generally nice so its easy for him to conk out with magnus warm in his arms and purring loudly

it’s very nice

and also he loves that magnus feels that safe with him

MATES

this one will be short but like

basically the whole mates for life thing is cute

and it can just kinda be like soulmate aus

which are all vaguely problematic but just really cute/fun to have and not think about too hard

so them being mates is just cute idk man i like it

ok that’s it for now (i’m gonna add more in a separate reblog for reasons but that’s only on one topic, you’ll see--i think i’ll do that tomorrow bc im very tired rn) that’s the omega magnus manifesto (some parts not included)

#trans magnus smut #omega magnus #long post #malec #alec lightwood #magnus bane #shadowhunters

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writterings · 5 years

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So im starting classes tomorrow and im worried about passing. Like what do guys talk about/ say? Cause i feel like sharing anything about myself is “girly” (sounds stupid i know). And i have anxiety so nervous manurisms like raking my hand through my hair seems weird to me. If u have any advice it would be g r e a t ly appreciated

gonna be honest, mannerisms really don’t determine passing. the only thing that does determine passing is physically passing. doing stereotypically feminine things while physically passing as male will only have people read you as a cis gay man or just as an emotionally open cis man. mannerisms don’t mean too much and tbh i’ve stopped worrying about them as much.

however, if you’re at that in-between phase of physically passing where anything can make or break how people see you (if you’ve experienced that or currently in it, you’ll know what i mean) learning mannerisms can help.

here’s some masculine mannerisms:

you can talk about your interests. tbh, most cis guys don’t give a fuck if the person they’re talking to cares about their interests, and they just keep talking. i’m not saying to do that, because it can be kinda rude and overkill, but feel free to talk about what you’re into and what you like to do. no one will think it’s feminine. same goes for sharing things about yourself.

however, don’t be too upfront about your deepest emotions with strangers. like, this isn’t even a “masculine” thing....like just don’t tell all your trauma to strangers. seems like common sense but god i have run into too many people who have done this. tbh it’s annoying and it could be potentially exposing people to things that trigger them. mentioning it here because you were worried about “talking about yourself” -- which, like, is a thing you totally can do! talk about yourself! but have boundaries.

the hair thing is no big deal. no one will care.

don’t make eye contact with anyone in the men’s room. there was a post floating around talking about how you should nod at people in the men’s room and like...no?? wtf??? that’s weird. just don’t make eye contact, men typically don’t like to have conversations in the same place they shit.

speaking of which, men typically only use restrooms for actually relieving themselves or smoking weed/vaping, instead of hang outs or “freshening up” or whatever. try not to spend too much time in there.

P.S. you can shit in public bathrooms and no one will care. like ngl when i lived as a woman i was so afraid to shit in public bathrooms out of self-consciousness....now as a guy i don’t care. gross, i know, but liberating.

spread ya legs when you sit to create the illusion of having balls (the reason men spread their legs)

shake hands when you introduce yourself to people or greet someone of a higher “status” than you (i.e. a professor you wanna impress, your future boss)

learn what dapping is, just in case

wearing brightly colored button-down shirts that you tuck into your khaki pants from JC penny will out you as a trans man right away, heads up. especially if you have a shaved or partially shaved head with dyed or blond hair.

don’t randomly talk to women first, you will scare/unsettle them (i.e. think about how when the time you identified as a woman and remember how horrifying it was when a random man would walk up to you in public and try talking to you) (like yeah it’s a relative situation and play it by ear blah blah blah, just keep in mind how you treat women as you start to pass and live as a man)

don’t make too many “active listening” sounds when people talk. stuff like “hmmm” or “ooooh”. men don’t do it, and they will be the first to pick up on it. with women you can get away with it more, but sometimes they’ll pick up on it too. if you pass well, they’ll just think you’re gay. but still, it is a feminizing trait. it might seem rude NOT to respond, but ya gotta remember that people will stigmatize you for doing it. even opening minded people who claim to be past gender roles will look down on you for doing it. i’ve literally had self-identifying feminist friends comment that they feel like they’re talking to a woman when i do it, and tbh that’s kinda a shitty thing to say. it’s not too important to passing, like i said, but something to be aware of.

anyways, all the advice i got. good luck, don’t worry too much. there will be a point in your life where none of this will seem like passing or a performance, and it’ll just become regular life. you got this.

#Anonymous

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rontra · 5 years

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ANONYMOUS ASKED:

i really like mwot and was wondering, do you wanna talk/loredump/etc about mwot during this blessed month of pride? (if not that's totally cool!!! i really like the au and am curious about it!)

REPLY:

YES!!!!

umineko spoilers below and LONG POST KSDJDKSKD i really went infodumping......you got me right in an infodumping mood....

also im being very casual in this post so if something is like weird or vague its probably because i got tired of thinking about it and skipped ahead. SKJDSJD

mwot is an umi au and its very gay and very trans because i, a gay trans, decided it was TIME to INDULGE

LIKE A MOUNTAIN WIND FALLING ON OAK TREES also known as MWOT, MW/OT, Mountain Wind + Oak Trees, MW+OT, or literally any combination of its parts, is an eva/natsuhi au, set in a vague modern big city setting

https://rontra.tumblr.com/tagged/mountain-wind-oak-trees

it’s a comedy, mostly? it has elements of backstory transphobia and stuff like that but that’s not really the story i want to tell with it, so i don’t go too deeply into it in the main fic. it’s mostly comedy and Self Care: The Story (once these nerds get around to acknowledging that self care is good, anyway!!!!)

Eva is 20, nb lesbian (though she doesnt know half of it to begin with). generally a bitchard at the beginning but also deeply craving that Validation. Invested in making the fic harder to write due to pronoun shenanigans (shoutout to the lengthy section of intimate emotional scenes that uses no pronouns at all for eva but is narrated by them in 3rd person)

Natsuhi is like 21 i guess because im a sucker for her having like an annoying 1-3 years on eva bc eva would get mad about it. Also she’s trans, gray-ace, hopeless romantic, generally full of “quickly raising your eyebrows and looking away while sipping your drink and thinking Yikes” energy. weaponizes indifference but is no stranger to harder means. she’s a smart cookie

Sayo is also 20, gender clown car living her best life. Presents differently depending on mood and whim

krauss is like 22 or whatever. for housekeeping’s sake, rosa and rudolf are too young to matter (8 and 10, or something like that). dont even worry about it

honestly the weirdest part of the au is eva and sayo being the same age

also this au is the origin point of me & my friends using akikaze as nat’s maiden name. the more you know!

USHIROMIYA GOLD dishes up that yellow metal like you wouldn’t believe. led by kinzo whos so fuckin good at sniffing out that sweet sweet gold people are half convinced the man has psychic powers. Any piece of land he’s got his eyes on, he WILL get his hands on, no matter who owns it right now.

the land kinzo wants At The Moment is owned by the AKIKAZE FAMILY who have been notably on the decline recently. they’re in the economic shithole so this land is basically all they’ve got right now, so when kinzo wants it and it suddenly Has Value, they’re like “oh, shit,

anyway the deal basically shakes out that like, he gets the land and all the gold that may or may not be in it. he offers his eldest son in exchange for this land, to marry their daughter: in the bonds of marriage graciously ensuring a part of the winnings will spill over on them, while keeping them under his control without money coming into the picture.

Everything’s working out great and coming up kinzo. the deal is closed and everyone’s happy (i guess). until ONE DAY, just a few narrow weeks before the akikaze girl is set to move in with the ushiromiyas,

KINZOS

OLDEST

SON

DISAPPEARS

!!!!!

Krauss dislikes being told what to do, and his father’s ideals never lined up with his own. He thinks this entire thing is sort of fucked up and can’t live under his dad’s thumb anymore. That's why, immediately following Kinzo’s agreement with the Akikaze family, Krauss disappears. He’s just kinda left for greener pastures, to unfold his own life and pursue his own interests independent of the Ushiromiya name. He leaves behind a letter explaining it & basically he forfeits both name and inheritance, and Kinzo’s incredible deal is suddenly in jeopardy.....

obviously this is kinzo though, and all of his solutions are like, 20 times more complicated than they have to be? he’s DETERMINED to have this land so he’s like “i need an eldest son. shit rudolf is only like 9. fuck. well okay i have an eldest daughter with a deeply complicated need for validation and success entirely driven by her overall neglect at my hands“ and the rest. as they say. is history (???)

Ushiromiya Eva always saw Krauss as unworthy of the inheritance, and to her, his disappearance confirms this. She grew up always being made to feel inferior to her older brother, usually being ignored in favor of him, and it's bred a complex need for validation in her. Her values and strengths are more like Kinzo’s than her brother’s, and Kinzo recognizes this in the wake of Krauss’ disappearance.

basically he concocts this really wild scheme where eva has to pretend to be his oldest son and marry this girl or whatever so he can seal this stupid gold deal and she’s like “well lol if i get to be family heir” and hes like “yes that’s what im saying” and shes like “awesome let’s do it”

all of the servants are in on it too of course. specifically kinzo enlists SAYO who works there as normal staff and isn’t otherwise tangled into this family’s mess in any way whatsoever. she’s just here to serve tea and looks. anyway he’s like “you work on this with eva--i mean evan, my son, you must have misheard--and eva you have to listen to whatever yasuda says” and eva is like “that last part will not be frustrating for me at all”.

Yasuda as reigning Household Gender Presentation Expert is like “i think i just got orders from the master to bully eva?” and eva is like “i wish i could fire you but my dad just banned me from doing that” and then gradually...over the course of the project......they become....friends.........

(the au is tagged eva & sayo for a reason. they become FRIENDS!!)

mostly its just various combinations of shkanon dunking on eva and its all VERY good.

during all these shenanigans we make some startling realizations like “gender euphoria is a hell of a drug” and stuff, which is extremely harrowing for everyone (note: not for everyone. just for eva, who makes 10,000 realizations every day, and should not have been counted.)

(ok sidenote did anyone else put on their first binder & go like “hmmm. i live here now” because. mood. im projecting entirely into this fic)

Gender Clown Car yasuda (currently as lion) is like “you know there’s like more than 2 genders” and eva’s like “you fucking wehat”.

i also make a REALLY INVOLVED JOKE ABOUT CASTIGLIONI GOLD, THE RIVAL COMPANY, and how BEATRICE’S KID LOOKS A LOT LIKE LION, and EVERYONE thinks this is all VERY funny

(i would like to see it. also kinzo owes beatrice castiglioni $20 and she’s never let him forget it.)

now wrapped up in this stupid impostor scheme AND full of big wild nonbinary energy AND!! WITH AN INFURIATING NEW FRIEND!! IN THE STAFF!!! this one funky ushiromiya is all ready to get in on an arranged marriage or whatever. provided NO ONE EVER FINDS OUT that they’re faking it and replacing the Actual Heir, which would no doubt ruin the scheme AND bring kinzo’s wrath on everybody involved, of course.

AKIKAZE NATSUHI IS READY TO PUNCH HER FIANCE IN THE THROAT IF HE EVEN LOOKS AT HER but she understands what’s happening here. she knows she didn’t have a say in this from the very beginning. that the deal was sealed for her as soon as the name “ushiromiya” was said. she knows her family married her off quick in a bid to get rid of her. if she’s humiliated by this ordeal, she is far too proud to show it. she packs her bags and walks into the mansion with her head held high........and immediately has this exchange with her fiance

and this one

so that’s kind of the energy we’re going for with these two.

(natsuhi’s line in the second cap was going to be removed for being Way Too Intense, but everyone i talked to said it was too hot to cut, so i decided to indulge us all. blame the lesbians)

they IMMEDIATELY don’t get along but they kinda agree to like, mind their business, since neither of them are interested in playing house here. if they can get the wedding to go off without a hitch they can basically go back to never talking to each other again.

natsuhi’s entire angle here is essentially: her family was not that good, and this family likely won’t be better, BUT here she has a chance to build something new for herself. she’ll be out of her parents’ house. She needs this deal to stay for her own sake, but she has to get out ahead of her husband and set up a dynamic that favors her. when she meets evan she essentially gauges the kind of person she’s dealing with and picks her approach accordingly: this is not a soft man, and she has to be hard in turn to avoid being steamrolled.

and its VERY hot

anyway some stuff happens and it eventually they both sorta get each other’s secrets. eva is not the firstborn son and natsuhi is not the card kinzo thought he was pulling from her family’s hand and theyre both toast if word hits the public. directly after the wedding they establish a tense alliance of keeping each others’ secrets....

and then they.....fall...in l

there’s some fun tensions and realizations. eva is like “so im quickly catching on that no praise i ever received from dad was on my own merit and he’s kind of a dirtbag all around and his validation is kind of not worth it” and nat is like “word our parents are chains” & they run kinzo over with the down w cis bus. it’s fine. they get postcards from krauss sometimes. he has a motorbike now.

DID I MENTION THE PRACTICE KISSING

BC THEY HAVE TO PRACTICE! FOR THE!! PUBLIC WEDDING!!!!

and thats mwot i guess. it’s my au where natsuhi’s accent color is red and some other stuff happens too. happy pride month

#mwot #second time's the charm

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yikes-strikes-again · 6 years

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🖋️📑bnha fanfiction plug📑🖋️

bbbb!!!! i thought id make a little post to show off some stuff ive been doin on ao3 lol pretty much all of these are erasermic😎❤️😪 so dont bother readin if u no like

so, without further ado, here are all the current bnha fics posted to my ao3 (dysonQueer) 💖💖💖

Also looking at how long this is now im just gonna put a read more link here so i don’t look like an asshole. please at least look at these though!!!

Hizashi fails a perception check 🏳️‍🌈 (incomplete) Rating: Teen Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: Gen, M/M Relationships: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead/Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic Characters: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Iida Tensei | Ingenium, Kayama Nemuri | Midnight Additional Tags: not quite my first fic but damn close, yeah they gay keep scrollin, present mic is a double dumbass, they're all trans sorry i don't make the rules, drop kick horikoshi into the sun, aizawa says fuck, Pining, Mutual Pining, Anime Tropes, Pre-Canon, High School, Light Angst, and last but not least fuck cops Summary: "Hizashi's back was turned to Shōta, and he failed to notice the sound of his initially loud, brisk footsteps or his now light, quiet footsteps. Here Shōta became aware of a semi-rare opportunity that was now available to him: instead of approaching Hizashi outright, he could sneak up behind him and startle him in revenge for disappearing so unexpectedly—he imagined Hizashi's mortified expression at that moment." Or, how one unusual lunch period ruined Aizawa Shōta's relationship with his best friend. Nemuri helps. Notes: this is the first one ive posted and im quite fond of it tbh. Every day i procrastinate on the last chapter adds to my guilt

if i fell 💚💗(incomplete) Rating: General Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply (yet) Categories: Gen, M/M Relationships: Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto, Asui Tsuyu/Uraraka Ochako, Midoriya Izuku & Yagi Toshinori | All Might Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Todoroki Shouto, Uraraka Ochako, Asui Tsuyu Additional Tags: basically probably all of 1-a eventually, will add character and relationship tags as they become relevant, but these are the main ones, all might is a cringy dad, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, but like a gay one, Pining, oh you know i'm all about that, Mutual Pining, midoriya is badfeel about his man crush monday but you know what's even sadder? his fashion senseU, nrequited Love, canon-typical bullshit, Misunderstandings, Rating May Change, Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Abuse, oh i almost forgot, Alternate Universe - Mineta Minoru Doesn't Exist Summary: Midoriya Izuku, pressured student at U.A., ninth holder of One For All, target of the infamous League of Villains, has a problem. That problem takes the shape of one Todoroki Shōto, the only boy who could steal his attention away from his path to heroism. Izuku must make a choice between putting his heart on the line and shrinking away from the dazzling sparks. Or, in which Todoroki comes to understand that love is more than just holding hands. Notes: i almost feel bad for putting this one on here bc ive only written one chapter and its pretty low on my priorities list. i may update it one day though, i have a p good plot outline.

you're not alone 💙🌸💮🌸💙(complete) Rating: General Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: Gen Relationships: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead & Asui Tsuyu Characters: Aizawa Shouta | EraserheadAsui Tsuyu Additional Tags: U.A. Dorms (My Hero Academia), Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Parental Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Trans Character, Gender Dysphoria, dadzawa strikes again, everyone is trans tsu, dont even worry about it, student: is sad or in danger, aizawa: It's Free Real Estate Summary: Tsuyu can't sleep, so she goes to get her favorite comforter. She comes back with something else, too. Notes: haha writing the trans perspective as a cis person! great. ive been told this one was cute tho

horny people don't have rights ❌📜 (complete) Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Relationships: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead/Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic Characters: Aizawa Shouta | EraserheadYamada Hizashi | Present Mic Additional Tags (only the sfw ones): well if you wanted another bnha sex pollen fic, This Is It Babey, and if i just so happen to love kurikuri's "don't hold back", then what a funny coincidence huh, I'm so sorry, I Was Influenced Okay, anyway don't expect a smidgen of canon compliance from this, this is total wish fulfillment, Sex Pollen, Mutual Pining, they do the fuck, present mic gets his rights revoked, technically eraser's rights must also be revoked, that's just the rules Summary: It started with something as simple as Hizashi needing a ride from the station and escalated, albeit gradually, into—well, not that. Notes: ooookay i worked really hard on this but pls children, it's explicit. ❌❌❌ also i censored the tags 🚫 for your eyes

and that’s abt it for now!!! At the mom ive literally got 12 wips (2 rarepairs, one momojirou, 7 erasermics, 1 tododeku, 1 (2?) shinson) so stay tuned! and pray for me. ill reblog this with new ones as they come

#bnha #erasermic #tododeku #fanfiction #ao3 #my art #yikes original tag #yikes art tag #yikes writing tag #yikes fandom tag #yikes bnha tag #yikes textpost tag

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mvnikin-blog · 6 years

Text

alden ehrenreich + cis male + he/him.┊ ❛ ━ hey, is it just me or do you hear all i want by walk the moon playing in the distance ? oh, thats just manikin, a neutral good member of the LEAGUE OF HEROES. i suspect they might be brayden “ray” gray, a twenty-five year old bouncer at no angels nightclub with the ability of self-manipulative puppetry. according to my sources, he can be stoic, but also facetious which is probably why they remind everyone of the slightest falter of a practiced grin and freshly fallen cigarette ashes so much. anyway, a superhero or not, crystalline city is keeping a close eye on them! (logan, 18, est, she/her )

hey, howdy, hey ! i’m logan, and this is my dude brayden gray. basically, he’s a former syndicate member who found the errors of his ways but doesn’t really know where to go now that he’s apparently a hero and working a somewhat normal job again. if you want to find out more, take a gander down below here. and, if you’re so inclined, send me a lil IM to plot ! i’ve been actually trying to find an excuse to play alden and this power so i’m kind of super excited right now.

POWER

SELF-MANIPULATIVE PUPPETRY the power to control the user's own motor functions regardless of what state their body is in. user can control their own body like a marionette, allowing them to move freely even if they possess injuries or ailments that would normally impede normal movement such as paralysis, broken limbs or dislocated joints. - superpower wiki

how i’m interpreting this is he can pick up anything just like that. ballet, football, martial arts... you name it and he can do it after a few hours of watching or listening to people do it. the problem is that around the age of 21/22, he had gotten an injury that cost him the use and feeling of his body below the neck until his power kicked in yet again. his once fluid and somewhat perfect movements began to look forced and jerky. he still can’t get to those natural movements down, but he has total control over his body so he can’t fight against his power anymore. he also can’t feel anything below his neck, so things like breaking his thumbs to get out of handcuffs and fighting got a whole lot easier after.

PERSONALITY

ray is a good kid. generally speaking, he tries his best to be a good person for his family and friends but sometimes he doesn’t know the best way to do it so he slides into situations most good people avoid because it’s all he can figure out.

he’s also a very, very, very closed off individual. that jelly jar you can’t open ? it’s him. not to say he’s not friendly with people (because that’s entirely the opposite of true), but he hates talking about himself and his issues. he’d rather die of a splinter than ask someone to take it out for him. instead of talking about real problems he makes jokes and changes the subject if it’s about him. if someone else needs help and they’re apart of his friend/family group, you better bet he’s there in minutes to help or to at least make them laugh. very heavy dad friend vibes because he basically was a dad for so long at so young.

honestly ? he hates fighting, but he attracts it like a light to moths... but, he’s also really good at it ? ever since he was 16 he had been working at bars and clubs as a bouncer because fighting just came easily to him and every time he got into one he hated it but it was what it was. and when he became a villain it kind of just was what it was. it was part of the trade off to him but don’t think for a second he didn’t have long nights trying to forget all the things he did.

he’s way more mature than a 25 year old should be. granted, he’s made mistakes and he seems like that one annoying kid singing offkey in a starbucks to make someone laugh, but he’s really not. he has wrinkles in places he shouldn’t and hands rougher than they should be, he’s seen the side of people that are typically very well hidden, and he’s skipped over the whole being a kid phase to grow up quick. so when he says “i understand,” he almost always genuinely means it.

BACKGROUND ( death, paralysis tw )

from the second ray was born, he laughed and it took a whole lot to make him finally cry. he had a mother who loved him, a father who couldn’t care any less, and a whole world waiting to take him in. when he got home, he was safely secured in his mother’s arms until the next year when he started walking and running around the house causing a little bit of chaos for his stay-at-home mother and his father who, after coming home from long days working, just went to bed and left his wife to deal with the energy he had.

just as he was starting out kindergarten, his family changed very rapidly. his baby brother, noah, was born and their father left the family for another woman the same month. his mother had to get a job and ray had no choice but to help take care of his brother while doing school and trying to continue being a kid at the same time.

his life started to become a pattern. he had school, some sort of free after school thing, walking home to his brother, cook dinner, start the coffee for his mother when she came back for her two hour nap, sleep, repeat. after he turned 16 however, when his brother was about 11, he made the decision to drop out of school and begin working in at a nightclub that gave him some slack for his age if they could pay him in cash. he agreed immediately and the extra income and time during the day helped out with the family a lot more than going to school would have helped him and it gave his brother a chance to not have to do the same.

a year into this brand new job, ray found out that the reason he was getting paid in cash wasn’t just so that he could work the long hours at his age and not have someone on payroll... it was instead because they weren’t just a club. they had an illegal business in the back that they wanted to protect as well. there they sold objects you wouldn’t want people to know you have like guns, drugs, high tech, and more... when he found this out they called him into the office and offered him a lot more money if he took care of security for the club and started going out with them on deals for safety. there was hesitation, but it came down to how much good he could do for his family when he told them yes. they were in too much debt and their house was on the verge of foreclosure for him to say no.

from there he continued to stay home to help his family and their debt, but he also spiraled into a lot more criminal acts. he started getting more involved in this organization and as he got older, he got more useful to them and more stuck in the cycle. he never stopped raising his brother, in fact he worked harder to make sure he was better than himself, but his time home became less and less. he didn’t know anything else to do so he kept with it for the next five years when he thought his brother had ran away.

the moment his mother called him freaking out, he quit working with these people and drove home as fast as he could. part of him worried it was the line of work he was in, but the reality was that it was a hard environment to live in and he figured he tried to run away. there was a few nights calling around and praying someone would know something before he decided to pack up his things, leave most of his savings to their mother, and look in the city in case he could find his brother or someone who could find him.

a few weeks into the investigation, his mother had come down to visit him in a ragtag little apartment and while the two were talking the building came down. nobody really knows what happened, but within seconds the building started to crumble and lives were lost... including his mother’s. on top of that, ray was severely injured and at the hospital he was told that his spine had been damaged and he wouldn’t be able to move below his neck. it was so much devastating news, but what made it worse was that something was off with what the doc said. when she left, he tried to scratch his nose and instead of realizing what she actually said and going “oh,” he actually did it. that’s when he knew that he had some sort of ability and he sort of freaked out. during that night, he left the hospital so he didn’t have to explain anything and then he sat down and tried to come up with some sort of plan to avoid thinking about his mother.

somehow his plans led to him meeting someone from this syndicate who promised him that they'd find his brother if he helped them out. he's done some bad things in his time to help out his family, so what would have made this different? he agreed with only a thimble of hesitation and put in the same work effort he had had oh so long ago.

after being with this organization of supervillains for so long, he lost hope that he'd fine his brother. he figured that if he hadn't found him in these three years that he'd never do so. his conscience began to weigh on him and when the first of the year came around, he took a chance to leave the organization and use his gift for good instead of being selfish and these past few months have been a trial period for him because who would trust a guy with his background ?

CONNECTIONS

the person who vouched for him to the league. maybe they knew him for a while and then found out who/what he was ? maybe they were the one he got into contact with when he wanted to change sides ? maybe they were fighting and suddenly he goes “i want to be good again” ? we can talk about this and figure it out because this is a biggie.

a genuine friend at the syndicate. someone who he still keeps in contact with despite now being on opposite sides. they get coffee together in secret, and just are good friends. maybe they’re both set in their paths and while he would like them to come with him, he’d rather them both to be friends... or maybe they want to change too ?

an ex because honestly ? an old s/o would really be sweet and there’s so many connections you could do with it.

i don’t know, more to come !

#gloryhqs.intro #i'm gonna get to starters in a minute!

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