#anyway not being able to talk to my grandparents for most of my life means i avoided the real pushing which i'm glad for | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 2 years

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I went on a long hike today, climbed a sort of mountain-like thing, walked from the village where my grandparents live to the nearest town and the whole thing took about four hours. Luckily I had three hours of Daniel Kitson doing a show in 2005, which was a bootlegged version of a preview of a show that he’s released officially on Bandcamp, and I find it really interesting to hear two versions of the same show. One time in a preview show when he informed the audience that it was a work in progress and he was trying to figure out its structure before taking it to Edinburgh, and one performance that was actually done at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival once he’d polished it into the show he wanted (obviously, the latter is the one he released officially).

I think this is only the second time I’ve seen two versions of the same show – the other being when I saw Nish Kumar in New York and then in Montreal a couple of months later. That time, I found it interesting to try to spot every little difference and guess why he made those changes. I got really into doing the same thing with the Kitson show, and I can do it much better because I have recordings of them both. For Kumar I had to remember the one and compare it to the second; for Kitson I can listen to them both carefully and catch all the differences. And I will do that, but I will not go on too much about it here, because I did say just yesterday that I think it’s a good thing for comedians to be able to do work in progress shows with the assumption that no one’s recording and they won’t be held forever to what they said. So, all right, I’ll try to make most (not all, but most) of the things I think about that draft version of the show stay off the public internet, to at least sort of do my part in letting artists control what parts of their art go on the public internet. Or to at least not actively work against that quite as much as I’d like to. I guess.

But okay, I have to say a bit and that’s the fact that there were an entire 35 minutes at the beginning that were not in the Bandcamp version at all, because they were just talking to the crowd and discussing what he’d done the night before. And those minutes were as funny as the actual show. Not as well put together, not the same level of insightful and thought-provoking and other terms that I want to apply to this even though just using them makes me feel pretentious. Though I’ve recently heard Nish Kumar say that Stewart Lee once gave him the advice that if you find yourself wanting to apologize for the fact that what you’re about to say may sound pretentious, just cut the apology and qualifications and say the pretentious thing anyway. I think I love that advice and I realize it was meant to apply to performing comedians but I might start trying to follow it in my own life. Even though I just failed to do so.

Anyway. The point is that I’m not saying Daniel Kitson’s off-the-cuff (or last minute, at least – I don’t think he improvised everything at the beginning of that recording, but he clearly came up with it on short notice) material is as good as his carefully planned and written shows. Because they don’t have all the tightly written expressions of his perspective and ways that it nicely flows together and all the surprises and the way one comment can have humour coming from five different places, and the other things that make his proper shows beautiful. But for pure laughs, his offcuts are almost as funny as most of what’s in his main shows, and that’s so fucking impressive. That he can be that funny when you’ve had time to carefully prepare but also just know in the moment how to be that funny.

I was halfway up a very large hill today and just marveling at how many times I’d laughed at his story about running around Russell Howard’s backyard, from the night before that show. And I know when comedians say “last night” they don’t usually mean “last night”, but I’m pretty sure he did that time. The show was in Cardiff, and he explained that he’d done a gig in Bristol the night before and then stayed with a friend there before taking a train to Cardiff to be at the current show – I’m pretty sure it was a real story. Which means the stuff about running around a yard with Russell after the Bristol show really had taken place the night before, which means he’d written that story in less than a day. And it was as funny as most comedy material I’ve heard. Not just that he got lucky and had a really inherently funny thing happen to him the night before that show – the thing that happened itself was only a bit funny, but Daniel Kitson told it so well that it could pass for something that had been carefully written and worked on for months. And he just threw that out to a crowd in Cardiff one day in 2005, before getting on to his actual show. Daniel Kitson when he’s barely trying is as funny as most people’s final, polished, carefully written stand-up shows. Kitson can add all the other magic and insight and stuff because the humour’s there to start with. The word “genius” gets thrown around and overused a lot, but Jesus Christ he is good.

I’ve realized as I write this that he did the same thing in the 2003 show I heard. Talked to the audience for so long that he had to condense the show he’d actually written as he was running out of time. Went on amazingly funny tangents based on stuff the audience said. Included some stories that had clearly been written beforehand, but he only went into them in response to audience members so he can’t have planned to tell them all that day. He just had all that stuff ready to go and could throw it out at any time. It reminds me a little of the confidence and huge levels of talent in the Heckler’s Welcome show that I saw James Acaster do last month – going into a situation knowing you have enough funny things to say so that you can respond to anything. That goes for pre-written stories but not pre-planned stories, and for things that are completely off the cuff.

Okay, I think I said somewhere back there that I wasn’t going to go into details about those shows. To be fair, I said I wouldn’t get into the specifics of what changed between the bootleg version of a June 2005 show and the officially released version of the same show from August 2005, after the work in progress had progressed further. I said I won’t break down the earlier draft of his prepared material that he clearly did not want to be a version that would be preserved for years to come. I never said anything about how I wouldn’t spend 1,000+ words gushing about the comedic talent of a man who would be upset if he knew I was doing so because he’s trying to find a way to keep his comedic talent a closely guarded secret despite being a performing comedian for a living.

There was a Q&A bit at the end, when he said he was done his material and asked if anyone had questions for him. What followed were a set of some of the weirdest fucking questions, I don’t know how people came up with these or decided that would be a good use of the opportunity. But it was funny. I’m going to consider those fair game for describing because they don’t even count as part of the show itself, just bonus content. I don’t know if that justification is good enough, but it’s the one I have right now. Another justification is that my blog is much too small for any of this to matter, but I try to have at least some internal consistency. Here are most of the questions accompanied by short quotes that summarize the answers (so I’m mainly quoting the Welsh people who happened to be in the audience at a comedy show that day, and only doing a little bit of quoting Daniel Kitson, and actually that’s probably a better justification for why it’s acceptable to get into specifics of this part):

- Will there be any more fireworks? [because fireworks outside had constantly interrupted his show]

-----No, those were the last fireworks ever, sorry you spent them with me.

- What hotel are you at and how’s the robe there?

-----My robe is excellent, and do you think I’m naïve?

- Are you gay, or not?

-----No, sorry.

- Some question that had something to do with comedy groupies, I couldn’t hear the question properly and I can’t work it out from context because the response was just Kitson dismissing the question altogether and then claiming that Wales has no functioning democracy.

- Would you say Bono is a cunt or just a twat?

-----I don’t really know. Any other questions?

- What is the meaning of life?

-----42, did you not get a reading list? [I really liked this answer because Kitson seems like the sort of guy who’d think he’s too good for a fairly obvious Hitchhiker’s Guide reference, but he did it anyway and I enjoyed it.]

- Is Chris Addison posher than you?

-----Yeah he’s much posher than me, he went to a fucking private school.

- You’ve got the same management as Jimmy Carr. How do you feel? [I found this question especially funny because it’s the only one that came through completely clearly, and I’m about 95% sure that’s because it was asked by the guy who made the recording, speaking right next to whatever device he was using to record. And that just makes so much sense. Of course a person who has the audacity to record a live show in full and put it on the internet also has the audacity to get a comedian’s attention and ask him a question like that – one that I think is supposed to imply that sharing management means he has anything else in common with Jimmy Carr, even though of course it doesn’t mean that. That’s the sort of thing I might joke about on Tumblr, but I’d be mortified if I thought any of the comedians in question would ever see what I’d said. This guy is out there recording gigs and just saying it to his face. And yes I’m aware of the hypocrisy of calling him audacious for recording a show when I’m very happy to benefit from that recording by having some amazing material to listen to while I hike up a large hill.]

-----I was in his hot tub three weeks ago. We live opposite lives. He does corporates, adverts, everything that’s fucking offered to him. I do nothing that’s offered to me. And I’ve not got a hot tub.

- Do you want to buy a hot tub?

-----No, I want to buy a house that has a garden that could have a hot tub.

- How much do you get paid for a gig?

-----It depends; here I’ll get about 60 or 70 percent of the door price. [He then did some math and worked out a specific number, and it obviously wasn’t a low number, but it wasn’t quite as high as I’d expected. I guess I tend to assume all famous people make incredibly large amounts of money for everything they do, amounts of money that are in a completely different ballpark from what I think of as a high paying job. The number he came up with was up there, but it wasn’t quite as far out of that ballpark as I’d imagined.] Not many comedians would have answered that, because they would have understood it would have made it tense. I understood it would make it tense, but I don’t care.

- Excluding the obvious retort, who personifies a cunt?

-----So, basically, who do I think’s a cunt, apart from you? It depends on my mood. Half the time I think most people are fine and there are maybe two cunts, half the time I think everyone’s a cunt and there are maybe two good people.

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creampuffqueen · 5 months

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Mal's Future Sukka Headcanon Timeline! (Part 2)

okay, gonna be real, i thought i would be able to fit the whole timeline into one post. i should have known better lmao

Part 1

same disclaimers still stand. this is the last part of the timeline, talking about their last kids, Sokka serving on the Republic City council, and how it all ties in to tlok

(small TW for mentions of a stillbirth. but not quite a stillbirth? it gets reversed. read more for an explanation lmao)

but life has one last surprise in store for them

if you've read my fic 'broken jars' you'll know the story of the twins. if you haven't, i'll summarize the events real quick

Suki is pregnant with twins, but doesn't know. since she doesn't know, she doesn't get quite the proper care needed for a person pregnant with twins

this means that, when she gives birth, the first baby is perfectly healthy. a baby girl they name Kolla

and then she gives birth to another baby. a little boy who is not so healthy

he's stillborn

Sokka and Suki are utterly devastated

holding their baby boy together under the light of the full moon, a miracle takes place

a stripe of his hair turns pure white. and he begins to cry

they're both aware of what just happened: Yue saved their son

they name the baby boy Hakoda, after his grandfather, who unfortunately at this point has passed away. he ends up going by the nickname 'Koda' for the most part, though

after the rather traumatic birth of the twins, Sokka and Suki both agree that they're Done having kids. they likely were anyway, considering they're both in their 40s at this point, but they take extra steps and precautions to assure that they're done until Suki goes into menopause

but after taking their time to recover, they're happy to be a family of 14. the kids are all amazing older siblings (the oldest few have had lots of practice at this point) and life is good

then, when the twins are about 6 months old, Aang writes Sokka a letter to propose an idea to his best friend

he wants Sokka to serve at the SWT representative in Republic City

it doesn't take much for Sokka to be convinced. and Suki is right with him, as always

the family up and moves to Republic City

however, the eldest three, Yuki, Saya, and Umari, decide not to go with them. They're all adults now, and can take care of themselves. they like their lives on Kyoshi island, and don't want to move

it's the first time the family has ever separated, and it's hard for the parents to realize that their babies are growing up

but they raised them well, and they know they can look after themselves and each other

Sokka serves on the council for 10 years

as the kids grow up, they all begin to fly the nest. some return to Kyoshi island. Some head to the SWT. Others set out on their own adventures throughout the world (Iknik, i'm looking at you)

after Sokka's service is done, they move back to Kyoshi

now it's time for Suki to take a stab at leadership! she gets elected as mayor of Kyoshi, where she also spends about 10 years

and then she and Sokka decide they've really done enough, and opt to retire on Kyoshi island

of course, spoiling their many, many grandkids

now, i mentioned that one of their kiddos is Senna! which makes their granddaughter the avatar!

but mal, you cry, wouldn't Korra know about Sokka and Suki being her grandparents?

well, not necessarily. she was kept in a compound in the SWT for most of her life. she hardly saw her own parents. i don't think it's much of a stretch to say she wouldn't have a relationship with her grandparents, either

but also, i'm just gonna go ahead and say suspend some of your disbelief. it's more fun

and then, of course, we sadly must talk about the end of Sokka and Suki's lives

i have two endings. one very angsty, one not

for Angst: i saw a theory online about this. Zaheer was a nonbender member of the Red Lotus. In theory, he wouldn't need to be kept in a specialized prison, since he didn't have bending abilities. so why was he kept so freaking locked up?

the answer: he killed someone very, very important

hearing that there were threats against their granddaughter, Sokka and Suki didn't hesitate to come help protect her

Suki died defending her granddaughter. she was killed by Zaheer. After the death of his beloved wife, Sokka took it upon himself to ensure that Zaheer would never hurt anyone ever again, locking him away in the highest security prison he could design

and it was very hard for Sokka to see his granddaughter after. he was only able to remember what he lost

ouch

anyway, here's the less angsty ending lmao

Sokka died peacefully in his sleep, sometime before or very soon after Korra was born

and honestly at this point, travel was difficult for Suki. so she has just stayed put on Kyoshi island, living out her retirement in peace

so there we go!! SUKKA my beloved!!

hope everyone enjoyed my nonsense timeline lol. next i'll be posting some character designs for the kiddos, as well as some stuff about their personalities/individual stories!

and last but not least, a quick age layout for the kids so y'all can see age gaps and stuff

Yuki- 23

Saya- 22

Umari- 20

Kyiasa- 18

Akedi- 15

Kannaa- 13

Baatar- 10

Senna- 8

Iknik- 7

Kio- 5

Kolla and Hakoda- newborn

#atla #sukka #sokka x suki #sokka #suki #future family #sukka kids

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aidanyk · 1 year

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Idk why, but some of my strongest and most fond emotions are often catalyzed by events of my young past that I barely remember. For some reason, whether it be my mind remembering the weirdest moments of my past or just being a freak, the most trivial, blurry events are the ones that mean the most to me. I’m not sure why.

I think the highest moment of euphoria I carried was from when I was around the age of three or four, barely even able to perceive the world. During this time, my family would often go over to my grandparents house, where we would relax, watch movies, and just hang out with my extended family (we have deep roots here in Oregon). I’ve always seen my grandparents house as a place of comfort; it was somewhere I’ve always felt as a second home. Even now, we still travel back there to relax and hang out with them, although these visits have sadly gotten less frequent as my school picks up. Anyways, back to the story. On this particular night, our family on the way to our grandparents had to stop to get gas, slugging me along for the ride. While waiting with my parents, I remember distinctly the blinding white lights of the gas station, shining around me like the center of a stage. I remember the car being hot inside, and drinking a bottle of chocolate milk as we waited for the car to get filled with gas. This moment is so trivial in retrospect, yet for some unknown reason, my brain was shot with euphoria. In this time, the world around me (or at least the car) felt like paradise. I was relaxing at night in the backseat of a car, drinking a perceived beverage of luxury and being free from so many different future worries of life.

It’s remembering moments like those of my past that make me appreciate the simpler pleasures in life. It’s these basic, unremarkable moments with my family that have stayed with me for so long. And, in reflection of these values, it makes me realize why these memories are some of my best.

There wasn’t any stress, any moments of doubt or anxiety in my mind. Maybe this memory is so fond to me because it was the first (and one of the only) times I’ve ever felt free. Free from the confines of self awareness, before school became a prominent aspect of my life, before I began to care about who’s smarter than who, who’s better looking, what I wear, what I look like, etc. These moments are from an easier time, a time when I was a happier, more blissful individual, free of the confines of being a gen z bitch who hates life (mostly joking).

In these recent years, my mind has been overwhelmed with societal expectations and pressure, as well as random worries and fears sprinkled into my decisions. I think so much about what I should wear, whether or not I should make a joke or not, or who I can talk about what with. Ironically, I’d consider the year of the pandemic a time where I was able to venture a little bit more out of my comfort zone (thanks to events like the small honors English group, my extroverted friends taking me to various places, meeting people and getting close to others through extracurriculars, and just attempting to be an individual who’s liked by the majority of people). While I’m everlastingly grateful for these opportunities to attempt to talk to more, it’s still somewhat… overwhelming to have to consciously think about things to say to others, as well as thinking more about how people view me, both in a physical and social context. Ahhh it’s terrifying to reflect on, but I guess this jsut kinda comes with the package of being a teenager.

I remember a quote from someone in my honors English class; he said something that I thought initially to be- dumb as fuxk (don’t tell him I said that) but now while thinking back, makes so much sense. Before our presentation for honors English, he stated how he wished to be dumber than he was, wanting to be free from the expectations, fears, and worries of a teenager (especially in gen z), not having to worry so much or look too deep into everything he experiences. When I think back to that conversation, I realize so much more the value of what he meant (or at least what I thought he meant). While there are so many amazing things about getting older, I realize that the most valued moments of my (short) time on this planet is the time spent with my head empty, seeing the world through the lens of my heart. And honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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vidalatthewall · 1 year

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Ok, I think I oh yeah it’s going. Alright. So. Um. Where to start. It’s always hard to start I guess. I mean when I get going it’s easy to just continue off of what thoughts come to my head. But just starting out of nowhere is pretty difficult I guess.

I started talking about myself last time, but I guess I can tell you some more about me.

What all did I say last time? Talked about Outskirts I think. Kind of mentioned the City as well. Oh that’s something I could talk about, but I don’t want to get sidetracked immediately.

Let’s see…

That’s right, I sort of mentioned something about not being able to write last time. If you aren’t from the Outskirts you probably don’t know this, but the ability to write is not a luxury most people from the there are afforded. There’s no reason to teach us. We’re basically just born to die on the Wall. Or bait for anything that makes it past it. Plus there’s so much sickness that goes around there that it’s a small chance you’re going to live past childhood. I’ve heard stories that back in the Pre-Ruin times that there were schools that children would go to so they could learn how to read and write. They say they have one of those in the City, but even if that is true I doubt it’s like the ones in the stories. It’s probably just the ruins of one. That’s basically what the City is anyway from what I can tell. Just an imitation of life before the Day of Ruin.

I’d still trade everything that I had in the Outskirts for a day in the City.

We are taught how to read and speak at least. We have tons of scraps of books. Nothing complete though. No pictures of anything either. Just lines of words. Just enough that we can learn how to read well enough to understand the instructions that are left for us on the Wall and the letters the City guards send us for orders. But nothing for us to write on or with. Plus there isn’t anything new for us to learn how to read with so we can’t ruin future generations' learning ability by wanting to be selfish and try to write on the few pages we have to learn from. And I really wouldn’t have much to say anyway. “Life here stinks. I sure wish I could live in the City. I hope I don’t have to fight on the Wall one day, but I’m sure I will.”

That being said, talking to this… thing… or person? I still don’t know what this really is… But it has been nice. I feel like I can just talk and be heard? There’s no point in telling these things to people on the Outskirts. They all feel the same way. We almost all have had the same life. Born in the Outskirts. Raised in the Outskirts. Will either die on the Wall or in the Outskirts.

However, there is always the few people that have an interesting story to tell. See no one ever goes to live in the City from the Outskirts. But the opposite does happen. I guess if people mess up bad enough they get kicked out and move to the Outskirts. I do feel bad for them because it is a death sentence. But it seems like I’m one of the few that feel that way as they usually get treated like they’re the most disgusting person alive. When really it’s the opposite. They’re pretty clean when they arrive at our place of filth. But even if you do try to talk to them, they hardly say anything. They’ve probably thought of us so little for so long that living here with us makes them lose it. Almost none of them live very long once they get here. For one reason or another. The few that do are usually kids. We might look at people from the City as being horrible for leaving us to die out here the way they do. But a kid is still a kid. My mom was actually a kid from the City. My grandparents took her in after her dad died. He passed shortly after he came to the Outskirts. She never talked about the City. We all knew better than to ask her about it. Any time someone would mention it her eyes would just go black. She stopped talking and went somewhere else to be alone for a bit. She would come back later and act like nothing ever happened.

She died in a Nachtmorder attack a little while ago. They killed two of my brothers as well. It was just my sisters and I left of my family before I was sentenced to the Wall. I left my unborn child back in the Outskirts as well.

My partner and I had set up a place to live after so much time planning. One of my sisters has been in such bad health for a long time. We’ve constantly been told to just let her die and be on with it. It feels like it should be easy to just let someone die after you have already grown up with so much death around you. But when it’s someone you’ve known your entire life and theirs is in your hands it’s… It’s just different. She was just starting to get better. Which is why I was ready to go live with my partner…

But that’s when everything went wrong. When my entire life fell apart…

I don’t really want to go too much into it now though.

Maybe some other time.

I should probably get back, but I did want to mention one new thing. I feel like this time and last time I’ve only told you about things in the past.

That’s mainly because there thankfully hasn’t been anything new here on the Wall the past little bit.

Except one thing. I told you nearly no one goes from the City to the Outskirts unless they’ve done something bad. But even in those cases, those people never go to the Wall. Usually they don’t live long enough to go there, but that’s besides the point.

There’s a new person coming to our section of the Wall soon.

And they’re coming straight from the City. I don’t know if it’s by force, which would be scary to think of what they did to go straight to the Wall. Or if they’re coming by choice. In which case I don’t know what they’ve been told to make them think that’s a good idea, because it’s a death sentence. I don’t know which idea is scarier honestly.

Only thing I know about them is their name is Rahab.

Hopefully next time I talk to you I know more about them. Who knows, maybe they’ll already be here next time.

Until then.

Ok so it’s the button right, Walter? Ok so just pre

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#theWall #fiction friday

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blipblooopp · 3 years

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Let It Be Me

Summary: Choi San is many things. The most talented man you have ever seen. Be it on the dance floor or in front of a mic during a gig. He was the kindest person, always holding the door for the people behind him, helping the elderly carry things, even paying for strangers randomly. He got along famously with your parents and even better with your grandparents. He was charming like that, capturing the attention of anyone and everyone who even looked his way. He’s the love of your life, you’re sure of it but he’s also your best friend. Pairing: Boy Band AU!Choi San x F!Reader Words: 5.6k Genre: Angst/Smut

You’ve heard of a thing called platonic soulmates but it’s taken you years and years of watching Choi San grow to realize you weren’t. Well, you hoped you weren’t. Everything about him made your body erupt into a fire.

San looked at everything with adoration, finding all the good in life, including you. It was a double-edged sword, really. It made you feel special… important. But you could barely concentrate when his eyes were on you.

It didn’t help that he was gifted in pretty much everything; it made you nervous beyond belief. He’s pretty much perfect and as much as you wanted to be with him, you knew the odds of him liking you back were slim to none.

You’ve come to terms with it for the most part. It hurt to see him flirt with girls in front of you, hurt even worse when he started dating this awful girl named Areum. She didn’t give a fuck about him, actually. She barely responded to his calls and texts, going as far as blocking him one time. They fought nonstop. Every time you two hung out, San had a new dilemma to talk about. For some reason, San wouldn’t break up with her.

You had asked him after a night of you two getting drunk together, after another night of listening to his relationship problems. He laughed dryly, taking another sip of his beer, “I love her so much.”

Apparently, it was his “slow-motion” moment. He and his band had been wrapping up the night with their last song, soaking up every second they could have. Halfway through the song, San had noticed Areum in the front row. You were there too so you noticed the look on his face. A look you had never seen him make before. It basically tore your heart out when he told you that he couldn’t get “that beautiful girl” out of his head. She ended up becoming a dedicated face in the crowd so San asked her out.

You would’ve thought they were soulmates from the way they looked in the beginning. Lord only knows how they got to this point. How you got to this point, with San crying in your lap.

It was 10:00 pm when someone started banging on your door. You were enjoying a cup of coffee but you almost had a heart attack at that moment. You opened the door with shaking hands, hoping that whatever killer was on the side wasn’t actually a killer. Instead, you saw your best friend, with swollen red eyes, sniffling.

“Oh my god, San! You scared— what’s wrong?” You immediately dragged him in, locking the door behind you. He sniffled again as he slumped into your couch. You took a seat next to him and took his hand in yours. “Was it another fight?” You knew it wasn’t. In all the fights you had heard, San never cried.

“She was cheating on me… this whole time.” He hiccuped as he talked.

“That bitch.” You said under your breath. You held onto his hand a little tighter, trying to contain your anger.

“I went to her house tonight because she wasn’t responding to me again. I wanted to talk it out with her but she opened her front door in her underwear with some motherfucker sitting on her couch!” Although you had many words to say with Areum, you were speechless in front of San. What were you supposed to say? All you could do was scoot back on the couch and guide San's head onto a pillow in your lap.

“It’s gonna be okay.” You ran your fingers through his hair, “You can cry for as long as you want.”

And cry he did.

____

The next morning was hard. You woke up on your couch sitting up-right with a terrible case of stiff-neck. That’s not the only reason it was hard. No, it was worse seeing San still laying on your lap. He was wide-awake, dark eye bags contrasting against his face. His eyes stared deep into the ceiling.

“What’re you thinking about, Sannie?” You started to run your fingers through his hair again and watched as his eyes fluttered shut, his body instantly relaxing.

His eyes opened again, “Why didn’t she love me?” You couldn’t respond, not that he let you. “I knew we weren’t perfect, knew she wasn’t perfect… but we always made it through the end of the day. I can’t believe she would do this to me.”

“It’s her loss.” You finally said. “You don’t need her anyway. It was her decision to cheat and you had nothing to do with it.”

San didn’t say anything after that, just continued to stare at your ceiling.

___

The first few weeks were the hardest for sure. San had spent most of them at your place, barely leaving even for band practice. When he did practice with the guys he would leave early, only strumming a few chords on his guitar before deciding that it reminded him too much of Areum.

“He’s been really out of it.” Yunho, the bassist commented one time. San hadn’t even played that day. He just sat in the corner for an hour. You stayed behind for a few minutes and told San to wait in the car. You wanted to catch up with the other band members.

“Can you blame him? That bitch was… well, a bitch.” Wooyoung shot back, setting his drum sticks down.

“How has he been holding up?” Hongjoong asked.

You scoffed, “Have you seen the man? I don’t even think San’s there anymore! God, if I see her, it’s on sight!”

You did your best to help him through those weeks. You had been through a few hard breakups in the past so you understood that the early stages were the worst. You even used up all of your sick time to stay home with him. You had never seen him this gloomy. At one point, he went through five pints of ice cream in three days.

____

It took three months for San to be even remotely okay. He started going to practice more and this time, he actually played. You couldn't say you were surprised. San loved playing with the band and you knew it was probably the only thing that would bring him out of his funk.

"You look good, man!" Hongjoong slapped his hand on San's back playfully and for the first time in months, San had his usual dimpled smile.

"I feel good." He replied, setting down his guitar and taking a seat next to you on the beat-up couch. "It's thanks to you, y/n"

Your eyes widened. "Me?"

He nodded. "You stayed up with me, didn't go to work, even made me breakfast when you knew I didn't have the energy to get off your couch."

You couldn't lie; your heart was racing. All you could do was stare back into his eyes with a goofy smile painted on your face. San put his hand on your thigh, skinship being normal between you two, especially within these past months.

Your friendship remained just that, a friendship, for the next month. You were okay with this, though. At least you had a small sliver of hope now that he was single. That tiny bit of hope that he'd love you back was able to tide you over.

Until one night.

San had come over for your weekly movie nights, an event you had been doing since high school but stopped doing because his ex got jealous easily. You tried calming your nerves as you sat next to each other, his arm wrapped around you.

You were so close you could smell his cologne. It was intoxicating. Maybe it was the fact that he was newly single now, filling up your thoughts even more recently, but his entire presence was overwhelming tonight.

“You alright, beautiful?” Since San was single now, his usual playful flirty side was coming out again. Just like everything else about him, you had a love-hate relationship with it. It doesn't mean anything. You had to remind yourself. He talked like this with everyone, especially when he wanted to get a rise out of his bandmates.

You gulped when you looked up at him. How could a man have this effect on you? You would think that after years of unrequited love, you'd be able to at least contain yourself. “Yeah.”

San gave you a dimpled smile, shifting his gaze to a piece of your hair, moving it behind your ear. Your mouth parts, probably to say something but you can't be too sure right now. If someone walked in, they would think you guys are about to kiss. Maybe you are... you want to kiss him.

With your heart pounding in your ears, you slowly lean forward, keeping your eyes on his lips. They look too good not to look at but you're also scared of seeing the look in his eyes, the potential disgust that might be taking over at the thought of your lips touching his.

Everything is moving in slow motion. From your hand caressing his cheek to the moment your lips make contact. He's stiff against you and you can only imagine that it's because he's uncomfortable. You start to pull away, dreading the awkward conversation you're about to have but San is quick. His hand grips your thigh and he's kissing you back with fervor.

Your head is spinning, Is this really happening? These sparks you're feeling all over your body, does he feel the same way? You push away any thoughts you're having, trying to focus on keeping up with San. You needed to enjoy this moment. Without realizing it, you swing your leg and straddle San's lap. He groans underneath you but before you can question it, he's giving you a reassuring squeeze on your waist.

You don't want to take the initiative of going further, but man, your hands are burning to touch his bare skin. Your hands, instead, rest on his shoulders, gripping and releasing every few seconds. As if he was reading your mind, San's hands move to the hem of your shirt and for the first time, you break the kiss.

The second your shirt passes your head, San's moving to kiss your neck, occasionally sucking to leave hickies that are sure to last a whole week. You're breathless, taking this as a sign to take off San's shirt. Your hands are all over each other, San's going from your cheek to unbuttoning your jeans, your fingers feeling his abs contract under your touch.

It feels like a flash. San suddenly laying you down on your bed, both of your clothes littered behind you on the floor, his lips still on your neck. It's only when he's about to insert himself does he stop and look at you with dark eyes. He doesn't give you enough time to question it, pushing himself inside you. You both gasp at the feeling.

"Fuck, you're so tight!" He grips your hip with one hand, the other holding the headboard like his life depends on it. He feels like he'll burst any second.

You're right there with him though, the mere feelings of this moment making you sensitive. "You're just big. Holy shit!"

It takes him a second, taking a moment to give both of you a moment to adjust before he moves inside you. You can't contain the sounds coming out of you as he hits all the right spots with ease. You couldn't have pegged San to have this big of a dick, yet here he was.

Before you can realize it, your hands are finding purchase on his back and your nails are sinking into his skin. He hisses above you but his thrusts get harsher and the moaning in your ear doesn't get any quieter.

"You feel so good... so warm and tight for me." He's practically whimpering into your neck. You try to keep your cool, trying not to cum so fast but he's hitting that spot inside you with ease.

Your nails dig into him deeper, "S-san," You stutter out. "Close... so close."

"I know... but you gotta wait for me. Can you do that?" His thrusts get faster and deeper, you don't even comprehend his words properly.

"Can you do that for me, pretty girl? Be a good girl for me?" He's using both hands to clench onto the headboard now, the force making it harder to not cum. You just nod and wrap your legs around his waist. San is drilling into you with so much force and he's hoping that the bed isn't going to break. After a few more thrusts, he starts to get sloppy, and your vision's crossing.

"Alright, beautiful. Cum for me." He grunts out, trying not to cum at the feeling of you clenching around him. You finally let the waves of pleasure course through you, seeing stars. If you were lucid, you most definitely would have been embarrassed by the noises coming out of your mouth and your pussy.

With a loud sigh, San pulls out of you and releases onto your stomach. Almost immediately, he’s up and cleaning you, you’re body’s too tired to do anything but lay there. You’re surprised, because instead of leaving, San lays next to you, even going as far as pulling you close to him.

You have so much on your mind but you're too tired now.

____

This goes on for weeks. Sometimes you would hang out. Sometimes do other things. Everything happened so fast. The friendship that you held so dear had become a muddled mess of lust and confusion. You obviously still had feelings for San but you had no idea where he stood.

You'd never even talked about the first time you guys had sex. When you woke up he was gone and when you saw each other again, he acted like nothing had happened. You didn't want to be that clingy girl who expected a relationship so you never brought it up. Now you're in this endless cycle of sleeping with each other and never addressing the elephant in the room.

What didn't help was how San was acting differently. He was much more touchy with you, always having to touch you in some way whenever you were together. His hand on your thigh, holding your hand, arm around your shoulder, he did it all. Before the incident, you would have considered him touchy but that's nothing compared to him now.

Your hangouts started to become more elaborate as well. You guys were actually going out to movies instead of watching Netflix at your house. Small coffee shop hangouts started becoming intimate dinners. It was like you guys were dating. These dates gave you hope that he would eventually open up and ask you out properly but you didn't want to force it out of him. So, you just decided to go with whatever he wanted.

"Let's go ice-skating." The handsome man suggested his left-hand steering and his right hand on your thigh.

"You know I can't ice-skate." You deadpan, getting distracted by your fingers playing with his.

He glances at you with a honey-sweet smile before bringing his eyes back to the road. "I can teach you, ya know."

"Please, you just want to see me fall so you can laugh at me."

"That too."

San taught you how to ice-skate for maybe ten minutes. After that, he decided that it would be best to let you learn through trial and error.

"San, I'm literally gonna fall on my face!" You cried, your legs shaking as you attempted to walk on the ice.

"You're doing great. Just try skating to me." He held out his hand for you. Every time you got even remotely close to him, however, he would slowly start backing up. You were struggling around the rink but he made sure to sprinkle in encouragements so you wouldn't be too mad at him.

Just when you thought you were doing good, you got too cocky and propelled yourself towards San, wanting so desperately to close that gap. Your feet weren't pointed straight enough causing your left skate to hit your right, tripping you onto the ice.

"Holy shit, y/n! Are you alright?" San appears in front of you with seconds. Helping you up with ease. Your knees ache and you could feel the bruise forming on your hip.

“Did you not see me eat shit?” You bark out, now gripping his arm for dead life.

“I did but it’s always polite to ask.” You slap his arm playfully as he guides you off the ice and onto the benches. “Are you actually okay?”

You shook your head and pouted like a child. San chuckled to himself, seeing right through you. Instead of saying anything, he pecked your lips innocently and took a seat next to you. It was the first time he’s kissed you in public which only confused you further. Is he doing this on purpose? You really had to ask him.

You’re too lost in your thoughts to see San staring at you. It’s not until he’s moving a piece of hair out of your face that you’re snapped out of your thoughts. You jolt slightly and hum at him in response. He just shakes his head and returns his gaze to the people skating.

It was your turn to stare at him, to memorize his features for the nth time. He’s just as beautiful as he was two seconds ago and the butterflies are still strong. You open your mouth to question him about your relationship, finally building up the courage just when…—

“San? Is that you?” You freeze. Her, you think. That manipulative bitch.

“Areum?” San stands as if he’s been caught doing something bad like a child. She offers him a warm smile, completely disregarding you as always. You feel like you did during the concert. His eyes are no longer on you… but trained on her. You feel that distance he created on the ice growing bigger and bigger.

“What’re you doing here?” The man asks, still shocked to see her.

“Ah, I was just walking around.” The nerve of this girl to act like she didn’t do anything wrong. “What’re you doing here?” Her eyes land on you but she quickly looks back at him.

You stand this time. “We’re…” Don’t say it. Don’t be petty. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. “On a date.” You entwine your arm with San’s.

Areum’s lip twitches in annoyance. “Oh?” She quirks a brow and glances at San. “Is this true?”

San freaks out without thinking and shakes his arm from yours. “No!— I mean like a friendly date, sure. We’re just hanging out like old times.”

There’s your answer.

His ex smiles with victory at your defeated state. “Well, we should catch up, San. I know we ended things on a bad note but I think we should talk.”

The car ride home was awfully silent. Usually, they were filled with laughter and off-key singing but tonight, you gave San short answers in his poor attempt to talk. When you entered your apartment, you told him you were going to bed early and that he should lock up when he leaves.

Instead, you feel his warm body climb into your bed and hold you at 12 am. As always, you didn’t tell him to leave. Because, as always, you couldn’t say no to Choi San.

____

You wake up and San's not next to you but there is a text.

San : Sorry I didn't want to wake you but I left to go to practice. It'll probably end late today so if you feel up to it, come hang out. :)

Should you? Maybe it's just better if you pretend like nothing happened. Obviously, that's what he's doing. Besides, it’s not like his bandmates gave you false hope just to reject you in front of their ex. You end up going to the practice, a huge lump in your throat. If you brought up the situation, you're sure that whatever you guys had would be over the second you said anything.

Jongho, the lead singer, greets you with a smile and a nod in your direction as he warms up.

"y/n!" Wooyoung calls out, getting off of his drum stool and engulfing you in a hug.

You giggle on command, loving his enthusiasm. “Wooyoung, why do you always act like we haven’t seen each other for years!”

He smiles and whispers, “Don’t tell the guys I told you, but you’re like… our muse!”

You roll your eyes and pull away from his chest just to look at him, “I think you’re the only one crazy enough to even consider that.”

Wooyoung lets you go completely and returns to his drum set, you follow suit. “Maybe but you’ve been our number one supporter since day one! Plus you’re beautiful and beauty inspires art, does it not?”

Laughter erupts from you again at his cheesiness and your feel an arm wrap around your shoulder. You didn’t have to look to know who it was, the signature cologne giving him away.

“What’s so funny?” San’s smiling but you can tell there’s something different in his tone.

“Just exposing how important y/n is to the band.” Wooyoung sends you a playful wink, your cheeks burning slightly. San forces a laugh, something you don’t notice, before sitting you down on the couch.

After practice was over, you waited outside of the room for San so you could go back to your place. That wasn't the original plan but San insisted. The chilly air made you wrap your arms around yourself, internally scolding yourself over not bringing a jacket.

Wooyoung was the first to come out, fishing his lighter out of his pocket. He wasn't the only cigarette smoker in the group but he was definitely the one that smoked the most. He grinned at the sight of you, resting his hand in his pocket instead.

"Why're you waiting out here? It's cold as hell."

"Yeah... But I didn't want to get in your guys' way." You rubbed your hands up and down your arms trying to create heat. Wooyoung took off his jacket and wrapped it around you without hesitation. "A true gentleman." You remarked.

He put his hand on his chest, his face contorting to look hurt. "I've always been a gentleman. Even when I'm freezing my ass off."

Your eyes widened, ready to give the jacket back. "Woah there, missy. I gave it to you for a reason. We don't want our muse to die of hypothermia." The joke makes you laugh lightly. "You waiting on San?"

You nod, staring at the ground and rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet. “It’s been a lot of waiting recently.” You accidentally confess.

“Uh oh.” He leans against the wall. "I noticed something was different."

"What do you mean?" You hear your heartbeat through your ears and you find it hard to breathe all of a sudden.

"You guys are a lot closer... You guys are best friends, sure, but the air's been different between you two. He still doesn't notice how you look at him."

You scoff, "That obvious, huh?"

"To everyone but him, it seems. Can I be honest?" Wooyoung rolls to face you. You nod, now looking at him. "Unless you tell him how you feel, you'll be doing nothing but waiting on him."

"But our friendship-"

"If you're about to tell me that it's enough for you, so help me God, y/n, I will kick your ass." You laugh for the first time since the conversation started. You understand what you have to do. You guys have already crossed so many boundaries and clearly, he feels something for you, right?

The door to the practice room swings open and this time it's Yeosang and San. San's bright smile seems to falter as his eyes instantly land on the jacket that's wrapped around you. His eyes shift between you and the drummer then he strides to you, grabbing your wrist.

"Let's go?" You don't have time to answer. San's practically ripping the jacket off of you and throwing it at Wooyoung who barely catches it. This time, you don't miss the change in his tone. He replaces Wooyoung's jacket with his hoodie, not saying a word as he puts it on you.

Just like the night before, the tension in the car is thick but unlike last night, it's you who's trying to spark a conversation. San's knuckles are turning white as he drives and it's starting to worry you. You've never seen San this upset before and you're still trying to place the reasoning. Was it jealousy?

You pull up to the house, expecting him to follow you like he always does but he doesn't. Instead, he leaves the engine running and his eyes on the street. For some reason, this sets you off. This man had the audacity to pull away from you, act like you were just a friend in front of the ex that cheated on him, but gets jealous over you casually talking to another guy?

You scoff and unbuckle your seatbelt, stepped out of the car, and slammed the door shut. San was feeling extra temperamental tonight. He couldn't understand why he felt like this either. Maybe he was looking for a fight. He turned off the engine and followed you inside. Before you could close and lock the door, he stepped into your house.

"What is your problem?" You asked venomously.

"What is your problem?"

"I didn't have any problem until you decided to get all confusing!" You dropped your tote bag on the floor, turning to face him fully.

"I'm confusing? Are kidding me?" He huffs out, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

"Actually, I'm not. You've been driving me nuts since we started hooking up. I'm over it!" His lip twitches into a sarcastic smile. "What the fuck was that with your ex? You completely pushed me aside. She treated you like shit, remember? She cheated, she lied, and she manipulated you. Do you want to get back to-"

"You're not my girlfriend, y/n!" He cut you off. "God, it's like you don't know your place." Tears pricked your eyes but you felt more angry than sad. Angry, you've never felt this way with San before. You're experiencing a lot of firsts tonight. San immediately realizes what he said, how hurt you were. He took a step closer to you but you put up your hands, putting up your boundaries for the first time.

"No, you're right. It's not like you hold my hand wherever we go or put your hands on my waist in public. You don't smile at me sweetly during dates. We're not completely vulnerable with each other, telling each other things we'd never breathe to others. It's not like we fuck almost every day! Do friends do what we do? Please, enlighten me. What's my place?"

"I'm sorry, y/n. I shouldn't have-" You're full-on bawling now, sucking in breaths where you can.

"I can't believe I've loved you for so long. I've torn my heart out for you and you just... you just throw it back at me like it's nothing!" His mouth opens but nothing comes out, instead he wraps his arms around you. You react once you feel him, trying to fight him off but he's stronger, trying to calm you down by hugging you.

You're screaming, all the feelings you've held inside bursting out of you, "Why can't you let me in?" You start to pound on your chest even though you know you shouldn't. You don't even notice that he's crying too. "Why can't it be me for once? Let it be me!"

"I'm sorry," He coos. You couldn't hold yourself up anymore, your feelings making it hard to focus. San catches you though, guiding you to sit on the floor.

San does his best to understand what you're saying through your sobs. He wants to understand what he's feeling. He thought he was doing this to get over Areum but why was he doing all the other things? He could've just stuck to the bare minimum but he didn't. Better question, how had he not noticed your feelings?

San was so caught in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed you had cried yourself to sleep. He was holding your head to his chest and he sighed, finally relaxing a bit. He couldn't really relax though, his mind still processing what you had said. He carried you bridal style to your room and thanking God that you had exhausted yourself.

San tucked you in and, after some hard debating, decided to lay in bed with you. He made sure that he wasn't touching you even though he knew he was going to leave before you woke up. He sighed to himself.

Even as you slept you were beautiful and he beat himself up for only now noticing how exhausted you looked. The man never understood why he was so willing and ready to sleep with you. He could acknowledge that there was steaming sexual tension but he never thought it would get this far. Nevertheless, you guys were in this situation; the very foggy area between friends and more.

Is this how you felt, absolutely terrified? You guys certainly couldn't go back to being friends after everything that's happened between you two. San's body started to shake as he silently cried. He couldn't even comprehend how much pain he's put you through these last few months.

____

You're not surprised to find your bed empty the next day; you wouldn't be surprised if San had sent you a message ending your friendship and promptly blocking you. You stare at your ceiling with tears already prickling your eyes. You weren't going to check your phone for texts. You just went to work.

The day went by fast, your boss giving you plenty of work to distract yourself. You were doing just fine until you pulled up to your apartment to find Wooyoung waiting to knock on your door.

"Wooyoung?" The man turned around, almost like a deer in headlights.

"Oh- Hey!" He quickly put his hands in his jean pockets. You walked to your door silently, unlocking the front door and inviting him in.

“What can I help you with?” You try to be casual even though all you’re thinking about is San and how you know Wooyoung’s here to soothe whatever problem you guys are having.

“I’m gonna cut to the chase. Talk to San. It’s only been a day of you two fighting and all of us are tired of him sulking.”

“What are you even talking about?”

“He came into practice looking all down and he didn’t talk to any of us. He just went through practice barely saying ten words throughout the whole thing.”

"How do you know this has something to do with me?"

“… Do I look blind to you? Everyone knows something’s going on between you two.” Wooyoung sighs and runs his hands through his hair. “Look, I don’t know what happened but I’m sure it was probably his fault. I’m not saying you should forgive him right away but just talk to him. Please?”

——

So now, here you are, outside his door. You took in a deep breath before knocking hard on his door. You couldn’t muster the courage to ask if he was home but there was no practice so you hoped for the best.

The door unlocked within a few minutes. “y/n?”

“H-Hi,” You stuttered out, feeling the weight on your shoulders get heavier. “Can I come in?”

San gestures you inside and you take a seat on his couch. There’s an awkward silence when he joins you and you can’t recall any other time it’s been like this. It was so easy to talk to San before but now you can’t even form a sentence.

“So—“

“What’d—“

You said at the same time.

“You first.” San breathed.

“I just figured we had a lot to talk about.”

"Right..." He brushed off his legs with a sigh.

"I like you, San- actually, I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you for so long and we slept together and it got messy. We've never talked about what we were after that night. You just made me a rebound and I turned the other way..."

His eyes burnt into your face and you were too scared to meet them. "I'm sorry. I never meant to put you in that kind of situation. I shouldn't have been so selfish. I didn't think about the way you were feeling."

San's warm hand grabs yours. "I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to see how you feel about me. I'm so sorry I said that you didn't know where your place was. Your place..." He takes a big deep breath, making you look at him, "Your place is right next to me. I lost you for one day and in that one day, I've realized what you really mean to me. I'm in love with you, y/n."

He places his hand on your cheek, wiping away a tear you didn't even notice. You're falling apart at his touch but you were so happy that he felt the same way and- Oh my god! Choi San was in love with you!

"You just said you were in love with me." You breathed, a smile breaking out on your lips.

"I did, didn't I?" He chuckles, closing the distance between your faces. Your breath hitches. "Are you going to give me a chance to love you for real this time?"

Your heart is going to burst and you don't really give it much thought.

"Yes."

#ateez smut #ateez angst #choi san #san #san x reader #kim hoongjoong #jung wooyoung #park seonghwa #kang yeosang #jeong yunho #choi jongho #song mingi #mingi #jongho #wooyoung #yunho #yeosang #hoongjoong #seonghwa

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mondscheinprinzessin · 2 years

Note

Ehehe joonas to olli

I just got another idea. For explanation read this prompt. But it also works as a cute standalone.

"Thanks for helping me." Olli said and reached for another apple hanging from a branch above him.

The basket half full of small yellow and red apples was placed on the highest step of the ladder he was standing on. A short distance away with the same set up Joonas was doing the same as him.

Although Olli had seen Joonas eating already two of the ripe fruits instead of putting them in the basket he was a big help, most of all for his grandparents as they were getting too old for that job, and for Olli who wouldn't be so bored while he was defending himself and the basket from wasps.

"No problem. I mean spending time with you is always nice. If we chill on the couch or do this. But please do me a favour and don't fall from the ladder. Olli!" Joonas called out when Olli was stretching his whole body to reach an apple too far away, balancing on the tip of his foot.

Seeing as he wouldn’t be able to get it from his position Olli let up before he was really ending this day with a broken leg.

“Maybe we should take a break.” Joonas said and picked a last apple. “My basket is full anyways. You think your grandma will bake us a cake for tomorrow?”

“I would be surprised if she hasn’t planned it. We will go back home with two cakes, and five mason jars of apple sauce, and probably another basket with apples. We can supply the whole crew.” Olli grinned and descended the ladder, putting the basket in the grass next to it.

Joonas took him by the hand and pulled him away from the fruit trees they had yet to harvest. “Let’s lay down a bit?” He proposed and pointed to a shady place at the edge of the lawn where the rose bushes began and gooseberries.

Bugs and bees and other insects were flying around the flowers creating a nice background buzz to relax to and the sun wasn’t beating down too hard, the grass under his back cold from the shadow it had been in over the day.

Letting his head fall backwards Olli peered at the sky, looking out for funny shaped clouds but the sky didn’t offer many clouds to begin with and he quickly grew bored of his activity, closing his eyes for a bit to shield them from the bright sun.

Next to him he could hear Joonas ripping out grass and other flowers, being reminded of how he had played in his grandparent’s garden when he was small, running around the trees and “stealing” the fruits when his grandma wasn’t watching.

He let him be for now, they could cuddle in the guest bed they had at his parent’s house later in the evening when dinner was eaten and the city as silent as it could get. As nice as it all was Olli couldn’t wait to be back in Helsinki though, back to their own flat, to their own bed, to a pillow that smelled of Joonas and a couch where they could talk about everything or nothing.

Olli loved it to visit his hometown and see his family but foremost he loved Joonas and every minute they spend together and if he thought back to their finished tour where they had shared months together, seeing each other every day, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

He wanted that for life, see Joonas every day of his already happy life and he could swear he would be even happier. Imagining that Joonas would spend all the years they had together with him, made him so happy that he was grinning at the blue sky that almost had the same colour as Joonas’ eyes, and he would never get tired of pointing it out. Of how beautiful they were and how the sky he had seen since they were kids and met in the court of their school was reflected in them to always remind him of this fateful day.

He will probably tell the story to him on their wedding day too and every day Joonas needed him to tell it to get that sparkle back in them.

“What are you smiling for, sunny boy?” Joonas asked close to his ear and Olli startled, his eyes opening to see Joonas leaning over him.

For a short moment Olli was captivated by the lips being right there but then he only smiled and kissed Joonas’ nose. “Just because. It’s a nice day. I’m happy.”

“Yeah?”

Sitting back up Olli nodded in response and saw that ripped out grass had found its way in a pile on his stomach. “Joonas...why is there grass on me?” He asked with no annoyance to be found, only slight amusement.

“Maybe there will be flowers growing on you.”

“I like flowers, but I don’t think I want to wear them like this.” Olli said and brushed the grass off.

“And how about like this?” Joonas reached behind his back and held a flower crown in his hand.

It was mainly out of clover but some more flowers had also found their way in, specks of blue and yellow next to the white and pink dotted flowerheads of clover.

It was pretty but Olli knew that Joonas had a talent for anything artsy and his flower crowns were no exceptions. “For me?” He asked and Joonas nodded. Olli already wanted to take it but then Joonas moved it out of his way.

“You’re only getting it under one condition.” He said and Olli waited for him to explain. “You have to answer a question for me.”

That wasn’t hard, Olli thought and agreed, suddenly noticing that Joonas seemed rather nervous, so unlike than just a few minutes before.

“You told me you don’t want to get married in Vegas but have a real wedding.” Joonas started and Olli was confused why he was picking up that topic now. “I would love to give you that if you let me. I want to spend my life with you and see you laughing as often as possible and have you on stage with me as often as we can make it happen, I want to see you when I wake up in the morning and when we go to bed, when we’re with friends and when we’re alone, I want to do everything with you, I want to see you in every way you exist even when you’re crying because I always want to be there for you.”

Olli listened to his speech and was too stunned to reply anything, taking in everything Joonas had said about him, about them, feeling a warmth that didn’t came from the sun on this summer’s day.

“So, what I want to ask you, Olli will you accept this flower crown and marry me, please?”

The question left Olli wide-eyed and with an open mouth. He- today- what was happening?

He hadn’t expected for Joonas to ask him so soon or rather not in a non-joking way as all the talks about a wedding before had been filled with maybe and what if and nothing as serious as this.

But of course it was what Olli wanted!

“Yes, Joonas, of course, yes! And yes again!” He gave his answer accompanied with a bright smile and pulled Joonas into a quick hug before he took his face into his hands and kissed him square on the mouth with the intensity he was feeling right now.

Joonas looked relieved when Olli pulled back and mirrored his wide smile, holding out the flower crown for him to take. “It’s no ring, I know. If you want one, you will get one.” He said as Olli carefully placed the crown on his head, but he shook his head at Joonas’ suggestion.

“I think we will need all the money for the beer at our reception or the boys won’t turn up.”

“That’s fine. Then I have you all for myself.” Joonas said softly and kissed Olli in a way that had him melting. “And you said no cloverleaf would help me.” He continued and Olli looked at him confused.

“Back in the tourbus when you painted on me?” Joonas reminded him and Olli had the scene clearly in his mind again. “The crown is full of them, all the luck I needed was right here.”

“I would have said yes even if you had proposed with a leaf from the apple tree.” Olli said because it was true. It didn’t matter if Joonas gave him anything as long as his love was right there.

#answered #I don't know what happened help #I had had feelings at once and now I wrote something romantic #but damn are they cute #here have it #itsfandomsgalore

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nessinborderland · 3 years

Text

Be Mine (02)

Pairing: Niragi x Reader / Chishiya x Reader

Genre: Smut, Angst, Fluff, Omegaverse

Word Count: 4.6k

Summary: You were able to stay unbounded throughout your life. You didn't want an Alpha; you didn't need one. You would rather die than to give yourself to some random male. But the man that saved your life thinks differently.

Warnings: Alpha/Omega, Dubious Consent, Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Finger fucking, Rough Sex, Rough Kissing, Unprotected Sex, Creampie, Breeding, Pregnancy Kink, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Drama, Developing Relationship, Past Abuse, Scars

AO3 Link Masterlist

Seaside Paradise Tokyo.

Or, how Niragi introduces it to you, the Beach.

He leads you inside as if he owns the place. You wouldn’t doubt it, noticing how the people around get out of his way or hurriedly leave the room. You gulp; not a good sign. You look around the big lobby of what used to be a luxury hotel. The first thing you notice is how everyone is wearing some kind of swimwear; Niragi seems to be the exception.

There are more people there than what you’ve seen in weeks, and the sight fills you with anxiety. You know everyone knows exactly what you are and what you’ve done; it would be impossible not to. You notice the whispers and barely masked expressions of surprise and curiosity as those strangers smell you. Smell him in you.

You keep your eyes down as Niragi guides you through the building to an unknown destination. The hand on your lower back is warm and makes you feel less tense. You have no idea what to expect; you don’t know these people or what they stand for. You have no idea what you just got yourself into. But, for better or for worse, at least he’s there and you know he will keep you safe. No matter what.

You risk a sideways glance at him. He doesn’t look at you, but you notice the corners of his mouth lifting in a smirk, his fingers brushing against your lower back. You blush; you hadn’t exchanged more than a few words since you left the roof, but his hand never stopped touching you.

The people who were hunting you just hours before now stand behind you, whispering. It's a small group; four men and two women. You haven’t been introduced yet, but you feel like those people know way too much about you already. You remember the ride to that place and the moments before that, cringing.

Saying that it had been awkward would be an understatement; it was probably one of the most embarrassing moments of your life. Like the walk of shame you would see sometimes in American movies, but worse. Oh so much worse.

Words weren’t needed for them to know what had transpired on the roof. They had known the moment you appeared in front of them; sweaty, dirty, clearly disheveled and reeking of him. It also didn’t help how Niragi had shown up right behind you, chest puffed like a peacock and a grin on his face.

No one had directed a word at you. The women just smiled in your direction and the men pat Niragi’s back, smirking and throwing around some distasteful comments that made him laugh. It made you feel like some kind of trophy; you supposed you were.

You had sat in the back of a car with just him, one of his men on the wheel while a woman sat on the passenger seat. You could feel their eyes on you, and you squirmed in your seat. Niragi’s hand was on your knee, thumb rubbing your skin in circles as he hummed a melody you didn’t recognize. Your head was full of questions; where were you going? How many people were there? What expected you? You had no idea. You stared out of the window at the empty streets of Tokyo, lost in your thoughts.

“Where do you keep your cards?” he had suddenly asked, startling you.

“Uh, hm my cards? In a backpack in my shelter,” you answered, brow raised. “Why?”

“Where is that?”

You had given the necessary directions to your most recent hiding spot and he transmitted them through a walkie-talkie. The rest of the ride was made in silence (eyes still on you), so you returned your attention to the passing view outside. However, the hand on your knee was still the major focus of your brain, and you kept replaying your encounter in your head; how his hands-

A door closing behind you brings you back to the present. You look around the big room you’re in now, taking in your surroundings; a long table occupies the center of it, with some sofas in a corner. Like everything else in that place, it looks expensive. You’re also not alone in that room; several strangers have their eyes locked on you. Their expressions go from barely hidden curiosity to blatant distrust. You tense, feeling threatened; you wonder if you could run past the guards by the door if the need arises. Niragi’s hand goes around your waist, pulling your body to his side in a movement that isn’t unseen by the others.

“So it’s true!” a voice exclaims, making you jump. The man sitting at the head of the table stands up, walking in your direction with open arms and a grin on his face. He’s dressed in just a pair of swim trunks and a colorful kimono, dark sunglasses hiding his eyes. His cheery demeanor puts you off for some reason. “You really bonded with an Omega!”

“We’re not bonded.” “They’re not bonded.” You blurt out at the same time as someone else. You look for the owner of the voice, and your heart stops when you set your eyes on him. You have no idea how you missed him; how his scent didn’t hit you as soon as you walked through those doors.

An Alpha.

You can definitely smell him now. Niragi’s scent is spicy and warm, like cinnamon and wood. This Alpha’s scent, however, is the complete opposite; he smells like something clean and fresh, like peppermint and rain. You look him up and down; he isn’t exactly how you would describe an Alpha; He’s shorter than most men and lean, with features that strangely remind you of a cat. His hair is white and his cold dark eyes pierce into yours while showing no emotion. However, there’s a ghost of a smirk on his lips. Yes, he definitely gives you cat vibes.

Niragi feels your body react before you do. His frame is blocking your vision before you can say or do anything.

“She’s mine!” he snarls in the direction of the other man. “You better stay the fuck away.”

You furrow your brow and push him aside. Indignation and anger rise inside you. You’re not his; not really. What you did is nothing definitive. He has no right in claiming you like that. Niragi stares at you in surprise before his eyes narrow. You notice his jaw clench. Well, he can stay mad for all you care.

“Stop talking about me like I’m a damn object!” you mutter to him, arms crossed over your chest, “We’re not bonded.” you clarify aloud. You lock eyes with the other Alpha; he’s full-on smirking now, something like amusement glinting in his eyes. It makes something tingle inside you. You ignore the sensation. “I don’t-”

“We’re not bonded yet.” Niragi grabs your arm and pulls you to him, hands possessively going around your waist. His glare never leaves the other Alpha as he says, “We will be, once she’s in heat, so back the fuck off.” In a swift movement, the riffle on his shoulder is on his hand, pointing it right at the other man. “If I even think you touched a hair on her head-”

“That’s for her to decide, no?” he retorts, a smirk still on his lips. His taunt expression doesn’t change as he winks at you, “Name’s Chishiya.”

You barely have time to grab Niragi’s arm as he lunges himself in the direction of the shorter man. “Niragi, stop!” And surprisingly, he does. The murderous rage in his eyes doesn’t disappear nor he lowers the gun, but he stops.

“Niragi,” a man calls, a warning tone in his voice. He’s sitting at the other head of the table, arms crossed and face stoic. A scar runs across his left eye. “Easy there.”

“No no, Aguni, let them continue,” says the man that had first spoken when you arrived. The grin still hasn’t left his face. “This is quite entertaining.”

You take a deep breath, wondering once again where the hell did you get yourself into. You quickly assess the room; the people sitting around that table just stare, clearly not meaning to get involved in a dispute between two Alphas. You can feel the situation escalating, and no one seems to want to do anything.

“Niragi,” you put your hand on his cheek, thumb brushing his lower lip, “Drop it, please. You’re scaring me.” He finally looks at you, and his expression softens. You hoped that would work; you had seen your mother do the same to your father dozens of times. Niragi lowers the gun, and you let out a sigh of relief.

The sound of claps startles you.

“Fascinating!” the man in the kimono and sunglasses says in the middle of clapping. “Not even Aguni there can calm down Niragi as fast as you just did.” he chuckles, “Are you sure that he’s the Alpha in the relationship?”

You feel Niragi tense against you, but he keeps silent.

“You know, my grandparents were bonded too.” the man continues without waiting for an answer. “I never really understood the dynamics of Alpha and Omega relationships though, it sounds so bothersome. Being bonded for life with someone you normally wouldn’t even stand just because of your animal sides,” he shakes his head. “Didn’t stop my grandfather from cheating though.”

You look down; it hadn’t stopped your father either.

“Anyway, welcome to the Beach!” he slightly bows in a greeting, “And your name is?”

“Y/N,” you say. You hear Niragi whisper your name, and you realize he didn’t know it until now. He doesn’t know anything about you. Nor you about him.

“Pleasure to meet you, Y/N. You can call me Hatter.” he walks back towards his spot at the head of the table, sitting down like a king on a throne. “Now Y/N, there are only three rules in this utopian Beach. Rule number one:” he points at himself, “Always wear swimwear at the Beach. Rule number two-”

“Why swimwear?” you interrupt. Walking around so exposed is not something you like. “Niragi doesn’t wear one.”

“Well, for safety reasons, of course,” he explains. “You can’t hide weapons in a swimsuit.” he chuckles, nodding at Niragi, “And your boyfriend there just simply refuses to wear one. Not that it makes a difference; he’s always carrying that riffle around anyway.” he clears his throat, “As I was saying, rule number two is that all cards belong to the Beach. You’ll give us all the cards you have in your possession as well as every card you’ll get in the future. If you contribute a lot you can even be promoted to a higher number and, eventually, leave this country.”

“Wait, what do you mean leave?” a spark of hope; there is a way to leave that hell hole.

“Oh, your boyfriend didn’t explain it to you?” Hatter asks, “If you’re able to get every card, you can go back to the real world. We work by numbers here; I am number one, which means I’ll be the first to leave when we get all the cards. After me is Aguni, as he’s number two and so on. So, if we all put in the work and gather enough double cards, everyone on the Beach will be able to leave this country eventually.”

“Is it true?” you turn to Niragi. “We can actually leave?”

He nods, “I want her to have the number before mine.” he says in Hatter’s direction. “I’m not leaving without her.”

“We have a system in place, Niragi,” a bespectacled man speaks at Hatter’s right, “We can’t change it just because you have...fallen in love, or whatever it is. There are rules”

“Kuzuryū is right,” adds a woman in shorts and sunglasses. Her tone is bored, but her body language tells you she’s interested in the conversation, “She has to prove her worth. If she can’t, then she’ll have to get in line just like everyone else.”

You feel Niragi’s body tense up again, gun rising just a little.

“I don’t need charity,” you speak before he can, pressing the gun down. “I’m more than capable of rising up the rankings by myself. And I’ve been surviving on my own just fine, so I know I can do this.”

“Y/N, no-”

“Oh, so she plays by the rules,” Chishiya. You had almost forgotten about him if it wasn’t for the scent of peppermint mixing with the scent of cinnamon. “What’s your specialty?”

“My specialty?”

“Yeah, what kind of games are you good at?”

“I- I don’t know.” You just did your best to survive while staying away from others. That made games of clubs particularly difficult, but nothing you couldn’t overcome. “Never really thought about it.”

“Then I guess we will find out.” the woman from before says.

“It’s settled then!” Hatter declares with a clap. “Ann here will personally evaluate your gaming skills. You’re free to indulge in whatever you wish to, at the Beach; alcohol, drugs, sex. Have fun and enjoy yourself while you can. Just remember the third rule; the last and most important rule,” he makes a dramatic pause. “Death to the traitors. Not even your Alpha boyfriend could save you if you broke that rule.” You feel the threat in his words as much as Niragi does, but both of you keep quiet. “Is that clear?” You nod in confirmation. “Great! Meeting adjourned.”

Niragi is pulling you out of the room before you can ask any more questions; you happen to have a lot of them, but decide to keep them to yourself for now.

“Why the fuck did you stop me from trying to help you?” he asks without looking at you. You almost trot while trying to keep up with his long legs. “I’m trying to keep you safe, goddammit!”

“But I don’t need saving!” you retort with a huff, “I’m more than capable of standing up for myself and get stuff on my own.”

He abruptly stops in the middle of the empty hallway, hands grabbing your shoulders. “Have you forgotten about what we agreed upon?” he asks with a scowl. A strand of raven hair falls over his eyes and you have to fight the impulse to tuck it behind his ear. “You’re mine, remember?”

“Well, and you seem to forget that I have some rules I would like for you to respect!” you talk back, arms crossing over your chest. “The first one is for you to stop acting as if you own me.”

“But I-”

“You don’t!” you interrupt a little too loudly, “I won’t let this fucking animal in me decide what I want. And you better do the same!”

“Trouble in paradise already?” a voice makes you freeze. You turn to face Chishiya, just a few meters behind you. The look in his eyes is something like malice and amusement; he likes whatever he’s seeing.

Niragi lets out a dramatic sigh, “Oh for fuck’s sake, will you fucking leave me alone and die?!” he pinches the bridge of his nose before pointing the rifle at the man once again, “I really have no fucking patience for you right now, so fuck off will ya?”

Chishiya huffs out a laugh and raises his hands in mocking surrender. “I was just passing by, you are the one that decided to have a fight in the middle of the hallway.” He keeps walking in your direction and purposely passes in between you two, arms still raised in the air. Your mind fogs for a moment as his scent takes over your brain and his eyes lock into yours. Something flashes in his dark brown eyes; something you can’t quite place, but that you’re sure it’s his wolf showing himself for just a moment. “See you around,” he waves as he disappears around a corner.

“I fucking hate that white-haired freak,” Niragi mumbles beside you. “I swear to God, if he even thinks about touching you, I’m shooting-”

“And if I want him to?” you say without much thinking. “At least I would be-”

Your breath is taken out of you as Niragi presses you against a wall.

“Say that again,” he practically growls in your ear as his chest presses against your back. Heat pools between your legs instantly, and you want to curse yourself; your wolf could at least have a little dignity. His nostrils flare as he buries his nose on your neck, right above your pulse. You feel the piercing of his tongue on your skin, and you shudder. “I’ll make you say those exact words again while I’m deep inside you, and let’s see if you’ll want him by then.”

“Ge- get off me, you brute,” you manage to say.

“Yeah?” his crotch presses against your ass, and you feel him growing hard, “Now say it like you mean it.”

“Hmm-hmm.”

You press against him, giving in just a little. He does make you feel good. His mouth starts gently sucking on the sensitive skin of your neck. You moan.

“Niragi.”

You jump at the sound of someone calling his name right behind you, hurriedly pushing Niragi off of you. The man with the scar over his eyes, Aguni, stands there, a look of barely hidden discomfort breaking what seems to be his usually stoic expression.

“You guys know that this is a public hallway, right?” he asks with a sigh, “Please get a room.”

He walks away before any of you can say anything. Niragi shrugs and tries to pull you against him again before you swiftly contort yourself out of his arms.

“No, no, no, we’re not doing this,” you point between you two, shaking your head. “Especially not here. We have a lot to discuss.”

Niragi sighs and rolls his eyes.

“Fine,” he says in a reluctant tone. “Let’s find something for you to change into, then,” he says with a smirk, signing at you to follow him. “And we’re not done here.”

“Hm, we’ll see about that,” you retort, following him.

He leads you through the building while explaining things in a bored tourist guide tone; how they manage to have water by harvesting rainwater, how electricity is powered by generators, and how things are organized every time there’s a game. You also ask small things here and there, like how many people live at the Beach and what everyone usually does for fun. He answers you semi-patiently. He finally stops at a door, opening it to reveal a room that you guess was configured to be a storage room for clothing.

“Choose whatever you want from here,” he says before giving you a plastic bag and leaning against the threshold. “Take your time.”

You go through the room, promptly avoiding anything too flashy or colorful; the last thing you want is to get unwanted attention. Anxiety bubbles in your stomach as you search through the clothes; you keep wondering if this was the safest choice. Too late now, anyway. You wish Niragi had at least let you keep your knife; you hate feeling defenseless.

After some rather quick browsing, you end up choosing a simple, black one-piece, together with two pairs of too-short jean shorts and a too-thin jacket hoody. You also pick up some underwear and two or three pairs of shirts.

“I’m done.”

Niragi takes the bag from your hands without a word, extending something to you. You take it; is a wristband with a number attached. Forty-two.

“Is this my number?” you wonder. He nods. “Isn’t this a little too high? I just got here, after all.”

“You don’t have many valuable cards, so that’s the highest number I could get you for now,” he says with a shrug.

“But I said-”

“Yeah I know what you said, just put on the damn thing, will ya?” he says in a harsh tone. You hesitate for a moment before putting it around your wrist; you won’t fight him more on this particular subject. You intend on getting an even higher number, anyway; you want out of this place as quickly as possible. He seems pleased when you don’t talk back. “Good girl. Now let me show you to your room.”

You ignore the feeling his words of praise make you feel and follow him close behind. Your room ends up being a large bedroom on the upper floors of the hotel, luxurious but simple in style, with a balcony that gives you access to the best views. It also happens to not be your room at all; his scent is everywhere.

“This is your room,” you say matter of factly, turning to him with a sigh. “Am I not allowed to have my own room?”

“No, you’re not,” he says back, dropping your bag of clothes on the bed. “Now change.”

“Why not?” you ask, feeling annoyed. It’s like he’s set on getting you angry. “I won’t share my room with a stranger. I want my privacy.”

“A stranger?” he growls, stopping right in front of you. You keep your eyes firmly locked on his, even when his hand grabs your chin with a little too much force. “What we have is stronger than anyone else in this place could even begin to comprehend. I’m not gonna let you ruin it because you’re too stubborn to fully accept yourself. That is not my problem.” His words hurt you more than you care to admit, and you have to fight the tears that threaten to overflow your eyes. “Want a fucking room to yourself? Fine,” his grip on you tightens. His eyes are like fiery ice. “But stop rejecting me, or you’re gonna regret it.”

“You’re hurting-”

“I made you a promise,” he continues, “When you’re finally in heat and ready to take me completely, I’ll do it.” His lips brush against yours, and you shudder, “And you’ll take me, like the good little wolf that you are.”

His kiss is like a fire that burns you from within. His touch sends sparks all over your body, and you feel your wolf howling with desire, despite the feeling of his cum still on your thighs from just hours earlier. His hands pull you flush against him, and you have to control a moan as his hand gets inside your shorts to squeeze your ass. His other hand is still on your face, keeping you in position as he devours your mouth, tongue pushing against your own so forcefully that you feel like you’re going to choke.

He’s pushing you against the mattress moments later, forcing a knee in between your legs. You grind on his thigh, wanting to feel him even closer; it almost hurts how horny you are. He keeps kissing you until you’re gasping for air, moving his lips to suck on your neck as you whimper his name.

“Could any stranger make you feel like I do?” he whispers in your ear, “I’m no fucking stranger.” he bites your earlobe. “I’m your fucking Alpha, and you’ll respect me as such.” He suddenly turns you on your stomach, and you freeze. “How about I fuck you like an animal? Maybe you’ll learn to appreciate your wolf side more.” he says as his hands start pulling your shorts down your legs. You’re frozen in place, fog dissipating to be replaced by growing panic.

“No, wait-”

“Learn your fucking place,” he says as he pulls you up against him by the hair, hand sliding down your front to rip your shirt. “Take me like you were born to do.”

“Niragi, please-” you plead as you try to push him away. He doesn’t listen, pushing you back on the bed as the shirt finally leaves your back. You whimper when the cold air hits your naked skin.

You can hear a feather fall in the silence that follows. You keep frozen, face down on the sheets as tears fill your eyes. He stopped touching you, and you know what his eyes are seeing. You can feel them, burning into your back like hot iron.

“Who did this to you?” he asks in a tone you can’t quite place. You don’t answer; you can’t even face him. You don’t want to see the look of disgust or pity in his eyes. You fail to control the sob that leaves your lips, and simply shake your head, curling your legs under you.

Another moment passes before you feel something covering you. You don’t look, even when you feel him stand up away from the bed, his footsteps sounding to your right as he opens a door. You peek then and see Niragi, shirtless, by a closet. You gasp. He retrieves another shirt and puts it on. He closes the wardrobe door and you lock eyes through the mirror that appears. His eyes have no emotion on them as he averts his gaze and walks out of the room, closing the door without a sound.

You slowly stand up on the bed, still trying to control your gasping breathing. His back. You dress the item of clothing he put on you; his shirt. His scent involves you, and it instantly calms you down.

His back.

Maybe you’re not so different after all.

You wake up startled by the sound of the bedroom door closing. The room is dark, and you force your eyes to identify the tall figure standing by the door. Not that you need to; you can smell him. Him and the reek of alcohol as he gets closer. You pretend to be asleep as he stops right in front of you.

“You kept my shirt,” he says like he’s surprised. You had; after he left you had taken a long warm shower and immediately got in bed, his shirt around you to comfort you. You hear him go to the other side of the bed and sit down. You hear his boots hit the floor as he throws them somewhere across the room. Then he’s laying beside you with a sigh.

“Lie, abuse, betrayal, murder, steal,” he pauses briefly, “I’ve done it all. More times than I care to count.” Your body tenses, but you keep quiet. He lets out a humorless chuckle, “I know you’re awake.” You hear him move to his side, and feel as his fingers start playing with your hair. “I’ll let you know this, though. The next person that dares to even lay a finger on you is getting a fate worse than death. I promise.”

You stay quiet, even as you feel tears sliding down to your temple. His words shouldn’t make you feel like this; like you matter. Like he loves you. You know he doesn’t; not really. But you can’t stop the warmth that fills your heart at hearing his words and feeling his hand in your hair. People always told you how Omegas should feel, but you never understood; you are starting to now.

You turn around when you hear his breathing slow down to a soft snore. You close the gap between you by curling up against his chest, smiling when his arm goes around your waist.

For the first time in weeks, you sleep without nightmares.

Next Chapter

#alice in borderland #alice in borderland fanfic #niragi suguru #niragi #niragi x reader #chishiya shuntaro #also on ao3

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wizkiddx · 3 years

Text

ruining the plan isn't always so bad

you can tell whenever I have really important things to be doing in my life - bcos instead I will spend hours writing for no apparent reason ah kmn ;///

tomhollandxreader - pure fluffffff

Summary: tried to base off when Dom and Sam surprised Tom shooting a couple of years back- but this time they got Y/n with them too

(I don't own the pic nor claim to ...idk how to do this crediting bit sorry :/)

The plan was in place. Tom was really struggling with homesickness on set of his newest film. No real reason why; just long hours, living out of a hotel room, half the world away from ‘home’. Harry was always flying out to join Tom as his ‘assistant’ however after a pretty heart-wrenching phone call Tom had made to Y/n, while she was hanging around with Haz and Harry at the Holland’s house... the plans had changed somewhat. He just seemed so distant and run down, when Nikki got her turn on the phone she instantly knew that they had to do something. Naturally then, putting her superior organising skills to good use she arranged for Dom, Sam and Y/n to accompany Harry to Atlanta; and surprise Tom there.

The way the last minute booking happened meant that Harry, Sam and Dom were all flying out on the same flight (though Harry was in first class, while the surprise guests were in economy). Y/n, because of her university timetable, couldn’t leave till a bit later, so was on a plane 2 hours after the Hollands - it wouldn’t make that much difference and if anything would prolong the joy of the excitement for Tom. They, meaning Harry who was oddly invested in the intracacies and details, had been brainstorming different ways to do the reveal- not sure whether to just do it in the hotel when Harry would be meeting Tom anyway, or waiting and surprising him when they were out for dinner or in a bar. Eventually they’d decided it would just be easier to have Harry, Dom and Sam just meet him at the hotel- then take him out to dinner, allowing time for Y/n’s later expected time of arrival, where she would then appear at the restaurant.

Ever since Harry had let Tom know that he’d landed (if half an hour late), Tom had been excitedly texting him back constantly. The pair had agreed that Tom would simply meet him in Harrys hotel room when he got back from set. Yet when the time came, Sam and Dom were hiding just further down the corridor- waiting in the corridor. From their hideaway a couple of metres down the way from Tom and Harry, the obvious exctiement they could hear when Tom arrived and the two reunited warmed Dom’s heart. He just loved his sons all being so close- it was perhaps what he was most proud of as a parent. Especially after witnessing both Harrison and Y/n loose a parent, he knew if god forbid anything happened to him and Nikki - they had each others backs completely. Sam was excitedly shifting from foot to foot hearing his brothers - Dom just subtly shook his head at the endearing nervous energy, clearly Sam was impatient for his turn. The idea was Sam would knock first then Dom, so after allowing a short time of just Tom and Harry reuniting, Sam pranced down the hallway and knocked. Yet it wasn’t Tom who flung the door open to Sam as per the scheme, instead his fuzzy haired twin.

“Harry what the fuck” Sam mouthed, daring to glance over his shoulder to attempt to spot Tom - annoyed at his brother for getting in the way.

“He’s on the shitter, change of plan bring Dad in.” Harry whisper-explained, making Sam roll his eyes at Tom unintentionally ruining his own surprise, before retreating to the hallway and beckoning his dad in. Dom pulled an equally bemused face until Harry filled him and he chuckled - earning him a harsh shush from both boys as they sat on the bed, facing the toilet door.

“So why did it take you so long to get here?” Tom asked through the thin loo wall, while Harry pushed his dad to sit further over on the bed.

“Oh ermm….they had some mix up with the luggage so we” Immediately getting slapped on the leg by his twin with a piercing glare, Harry corrected himself “I mean -I had to wait for like an hour and a half to get my suitcase. Then I think I had the worst taxi driver in the world like down country roads and all.”

“Yeh like that drive should take like 40 minutes I thought? But when you texted me saying just left” He paused as the sound of the toilet flushing and the sink turning on flooded through the room ”that must’ve been at least an hour ago”

“I guess” Harry replied, hearing the tap turn off while Sam ran his fingers through his hair yet again - an excited or nervous tick.

“So how is everyone? I tried to call Dad and Y/n today but-“ The door opened, the stream of light flooding into the main room. Tom stopped dead in his tracks, voice cutting off but mouth hanging agape, still clutching onto the doorhandle.

“Hello son”

Dom spoke softly as he stood up from his choreographed position on the bed. Only at his words did Tom believe this was actually reality and literally sunk to his knees at the boundary between the ensuite and bedroom. He was awash with pure emotion, mainly relief - this was the exact thing he really needed right now. His dad soon pulled him up and hugged him, Sam following close behind. Tom’s reaction was priceless, the few tears being more than enough of a tell to his family how much he had needed this.

It was an emotional reunion, there was a hell of a lot of hugs and suddenly the 14 hour journey was so worth it to Dom and Sam. Afterwards, they just all sat together on the bed and caught up on each others lives, Tom not really wanting to speak about himself - much preferring to hear all their stories from home about his mum and grandparents and the family that live down the road. He loved the normalcy of it.

That was until a voice grabbed the attention of the whole room and Harry inwardly and silently cursed himself - in all the excitement he’d left his phone on silent in his jacket pocket, which was hanging on the coat rack so he hadn’t even heard it vibrate.

“Harry pick up your phone!” An exasperated voice exclaiming from the hallway half caught the Hollands’ attention, their heads all spinning in unison to the wooden hotel room door. It started to jerk open as Y/n wrestled with her suitcase ”You’ve left your hotel room open you div.Anyway I’m just dropping my case in your room so please text me where to go because - ugh- because right now you could all be anywhere in Atlanta and I-”

The conversation within the room had died- all of them watching the petite brunette fight her way past the door with a silver suitcase that seemed ridiculously large and heavy for a weeks holiday. She had pressed her phone to her ear using her right shoulder and was wearing beige tracksuits a white crop top and a black leather jacket - as she grunted in frustration at the case, yanking it unceremoniously over the threshold. Subtly, Sam looked up at Tom, seeing his brothers eyes widen in shock, whole body turned completely rigid and Sam had to smile smugly - it was actually quite cute, even if he would never admit it to their faces. Y/n only stopped speaking into the receiver when her eyes finally darted into the room - noticing she had an audience.

“Oh.”

She stopped herself, pressing the end call button and pocketing her phone, whilst moving into the centre of the room. She shot an apologetic smile to Harry, knowing she’d technically ‘ruined’ his plan - though to be fair it wasn’t her fault he didn’t answer the phone; or that his flight had been delayed meaning he didn’t get Tom to the resturaunt at the agreed time. Actually she could blame it all on Harry. He just rolled his eyes back at her whilst she looked past him and onto the shellshocked face of her boyfriend.

Not being able to hide her grin, she halted at the foot of the bed, meanwhile Tom leant forward from the headboard - his eyes not leaving her. “You gonna say hi or am I just gonna stand here?” Y/n smirked, Tom still not moving from his shellshocked stance. Slowly her smirk morphed to a concerned look, eyebrows drawn inwards, as her look darted between Dom and Tom.

“Tom are you okay?” she tried speaking gently, but before she could push anymore he launched himself off the sofa and into her arms, Y/n barely staying upright. Then Tom started spinning her round and round all the while squeezing her as tightly as possible. Y/n squealed an ‘I love you’ into his ear , already knowing Tom wasn’t ready to talk yet- instead just pressing his face closer into her neck. After a short while Tom lowered her to the ground and pulled away enough for Y/n to see the smudged tears around his eyes. She cupped his cheeks in her hands and looked deep into his mahogany brown eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“I am now” he nodded jerkily, all the while inching his lips closer to hers. Both consciously aware of half the Hollands just viewing them, their kiss was fleeting and light - but made Tom’s heart want to burst.

“God I’ve missed your stupid face” She laughed, now her eyes filled with tears too. He let out a breathy chuckle in reply and used his thumb to wipe away a single droplet that escaped her eye.

“Missed yours more” her smile lit up the entirety of her face, such a natural glow across her face Tom shook his head slightly marvelling at her.

“Ohhkkkayyy well I don’t really want to witness the making of nieces and nephews”

“Harry” Dom warned in a disapproving tone, even if he did have to fight back the laughter. To be quite honest he’d really enjoyed seeing his son and almost adopted daughter reunite. Both him and Nikki absolutely loved their relationship, they just went together oh so well, whilst slightly reminding them both of their younger carefree days. Harry rolled his eyes at his dad before continuing.

“But shall we get dinner and then you can be alone all night” His eyebrows wiggled in such a manner Y/n swore she felt a little nauseous witnessing it.

“Harry stop!” Sam interjected, elbowing Harry harshly in the side, earning him a playful slap in return.

“Someone remind me why I’m paying the wrong twin to be my assistant?” Tom still hadn’t looked away from Y/n as he quipped a response at Harry, while Y/n was gently stroking up and down his cheeks with such a soft look in her eyes.

“Because I rejected it” Sam smirked, making Harry yell out in anguish-

“I was second choice?!?!”

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

“Honestly just go play golf with your them! I have to do uni work anyway and-“

“But I don’t want to leave you! You’ve flown here too and I missed you.” Tom moaned, pressing a kiss into her hair from her position lying on his shoulder. Having slept uninterrupted for the first time in ages, Tom wasn’t even sure he wanted to venture away from Y/n and the bed at any point that day- even if it was for golf.

“Your dad and Sam are only staying for the weekend so make the most of it! Me and my uni work are happy here-“ Tom’s eyes once again bugged out his face, as he caught on to her slip up.

“How long are you staying?” Shit. That was another thing she’d spoiled - getting a reputation to be as bad as Tom. Harry was for sure going to kill her.

“Oh fuck sake… that was my second surprise ruined… I’ve booked a week and a half off from uni so I can look after my little baby boy”

“Y/n don’t joke with me please.” Tom sat up, forcing Y/n to too which she huffed a little at, disrupting her comfort. It had her sitting up straight so she could look him in the eye and resting her hand on his exposed abdomen, asserting her authority on him.

“I promise! My flights home next tuesday, but I’m missing uni so I have to be boring and keep up so it’s not a real holiday but-“

“I love you”

Tom smiled for Y/n could never not surprise him. University was so important to her - she was really dedicating her life to it, especially financially. So her managing to put it on hold to look after him in a time of need was testament to just how kind and caring she truly was.

“But you need to promise to look after yourself Tom. I haven’t seen bags under your eyes quite as impressive as this before. Think of your poor make up artists!” And she was back to being her usual sarky self.

“I feel like I should be offended?”

“Or you can learn. Now go get showered before they leave without you.” Finally ralling off his side, then pushing him forcefully so he half rolled off the side of the bed.

“Only if you shower with me.” The biggest smirk on his face, eyes wide and gleaming with mischief - which Y/n wanted to punch off so badly. On the other hand though, his idea didn’t sound half bad- letting him drag her up too.

5 or so hours later, Y/n had written her assignment due in for next week and had submitted it online- making her feel pretty darn put together. She knew the boys had got back from the golf, and from the WhatsApp group Tom wasn’t very happy about his performance, so he was going to be moody. After closing her laptop triumphantly she chucked it in her bag and grabbed the spare key card and roamed the corridors of the hotel to find Sam and Dom’s room - where they all where. Tom had messaged her to let her know they were filming Dom’s podcast, so she had to be stealthy in her entrance - since to the public they were still just good friends. The secret still wasn’t ‘out’ so to speak.

They’d left the door on the latch, allowing Y/n carefully pushing it open without making any noise. Immediately the golf-related bickering met her ears, while she peeked her head round the corner of the door. The four had set up armchairs by the window, with the camera balanced on top of a table and a stack of suitcases - in order for Harry to get the ‘perfect’ shot. Silently chuckling at the precarious arrangement, Y/n slid in through the door, turning round to gently close it shut again without noise.

As soon as Tom had seen the door opening he had jumped out of his chair, walking up to Y/n and wrapping his arms round her- pulling her back into his chest off camera. Whispering a silently ‘I love you’ he grinned at the girl who was now arching to look into his eyes. She mirrored his sentiments, placing a bottle of water in his hand while pushing him back into frame.

In reality, the whole of this podcast Tom had been attempting to summon energy in his body that was just not present. Don’t be mistaken, he had thoroughly enjoyed the time with his dad and brothers- but simply he only had today and tomorrow off filming for another 2 weeks, and the plan had been to stay as close to his bed as possible before the surprise happened. In all honestly, he caught his eyes drooping numerous times while they were filming the podcast- feeling safe in the surrounding of his family, the exhaustion was finally catching up to him.

Y/n spent the rest of their podcast hidden behind the camera, doing some extra research on Sam’s double bed - yet sometimes having to stifle a chuckle at the boys filming. It was perhaps another 25/ 30 minutes before they finished, during which there was a hell of a lot of spoilers that they only realised too late could not be included. She really really did try to focus on her work, yet instead she found her eyes being drawn to her boyfriend. He still looked shattered. All she really wanted to do was wrap him in a thick duvet and cuddle into his side. She even promised herself to only find his occasional snores endearing tonight, which was something she often struggled with normally.

So when the camera was clicked off, Y/n spent a short amount of time chatting with all the Hollands, before suggesting they went to their own respective rooms before dinner. Unconsciously, when Y/n had suggested it, out of pure relief, Tom leaned almost all his weight against her side - anchored by the strong clasp on her hand. Of course, Y/n noticed and practically pulled Tom down the hallway without saying a word. Only when she let go of the door of their room, allowing it to close with a small slam, did she speak her mind.

“You shower, I’m getting room service then movies in bed… no arguments Holland.” He stared at her ,mouth agape, a little taken aback by her assertiveness, typically the opposite of Y/n.

“I feel like you’ve just been inside all day, let me-“

“Nope. Nope. My holiday this is what I want… now shoo” She smirked, pushing him toward the ensuite door. Tom knew he did not have a choice in the matter, and even if he could possibly have some sort of influence- he was way too tired to argue.

Barely 15 minutes later, the two were wrapped cosily in the crisp white bedsheets, Tom with a small glass of a negroni cocktail and Y/n with her lime soda. Both were semi-reclined in a mound of pillows, yet Tom felt the need to also lean on her chest slightly. The familiarity of Y/n’s favourite movie ‘sunshine on leith’ playing on the screen, meant that within the first 10 minutes Tom was no longer alert. The smell of her perfume and the warmth of the duvet lulled him into a much needed slumber, making Y/n have to save the half-drunk negroni from spilling across the bedsheets as his grip relaxed. She just nestled in to the pillows further, a satisfied small grin dancing on her lips as she looked ahead at the TV, reducing the volume a little.

“Tom?…..Y/n?… Is anyone home?” A familiar voice sucked Y/n out from the next film ‘the greatest showman’, making her jump a little. Recognising it to be Dom instantly, Y/n had a mini argument in her head - whether to risk disturbing Tom by wriggling out from under him; or to call out instead, granting Dom independent entrance to the hotel room. It was possibly a bit of a weird position for her unofficial father-in-law to see his son and his girlfriend in, but she cared more right now about Tom resting than Dom’s opinions.

“Dom…. come in… it’s open I think.” Desperately trying to get the volume right - enough so Dom could hear, but not so much as to wake Tom she called out, craning her neck toward the door. Luckily almost immediately Dom let himself in, and quizzically walked in seeing Y/n in bed.

“Sorry… it’s just I didn’t want to disturb him” Nodding in understanding, Dom inspected the state of his grown up, yet childlike son, asleep on her shoulder.

“No no… he needs it. He always works himself raw for jobs but this…”

“It’s impressive even for him.” Y/n agreed, Dom noticing her unconscious stroking of his sons arm, soothing Tom as he slept.

“Well me and the boys were trying to phone you both because we are going for dinner-“

“Ah sorry my phones in my bag”

“No no it’s fine… just it looks like Tom could do with an extra hour or so.” Dom motioned again to the slumbering figure with his trademark small grin, finding the whole situation entirely heartwarming.

“I was planning on waking him up so we could all go to the pub this evening… but yeh skipping the dinner might be a plan. I know it’s your last night and all but-“

“-Don’t apologise Y/n. I’m glad you’re looking after the kid.” Y/n just smiled slightly, a small blush glowing from her cheeks. “I’ll um….leave you in peace… so maybe 9 o’clock? That gives you both 3 and a bit hours.”

“Sounds good!”Still speaking softly, Y/n freed one of her hands from the duvet and gave Dom a little wave as he exited the room giving a nod to her as the door closed.

It was a sign of the times. Dom used to be Tom’s go to whenever he was tires, frazzled or fed up. But now he had been superseded by a far superior option. A kind, beautiful, intellectual choice - that Dom would graciously accept defeat to.

He was awfully glad Tom had Y/n in his corner. And he was awfully glad he had found a surrogate daughter in Y/n too.

#tom holland fluff #tom holland x reader #tom holland #tomholland #Harry Holland #fluff #Tom Holland tired #Tom Holland angst

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mishastits · 2 years

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i thought that moving home might feel like losing everything i’ve built but surprisingly it doesn’t. not at all. and i think that’s just because like in the last five years i’ve lived in that city i haven’t actually built anything. the friends i’ve made there i only talk to once every couple of months. and i love them, i know that’s just what being an adult is like, and it’s not like i have time or the mental or emotional capacity to take on more than one close irl friendship at a time and that spot is and has been and will be taken (i love you rachel). honestly moving home feels like a step in the right direction. my support system in springfield is lacking (which is not anybodys fault but my own, i very much have people willing to support me i’m just very bad at reaching out to them because i know they’re dealing with their own life shit). but if i move back home like i’m going to, my whole family is here. my dad and my aunt and my cousins and my grandparents. and i won’t be in the same town as my mom but she’ll be about thirty minutes closer to me than she is from where i live right now. so i’ll even be able to see her more often and inexpensively. idk. what sucks the most is moving away from my best friend, but even still, i’m only an hour and a half drive away which i know seems like a lot (and kind of is, sometimes), but like. they’re my best friend so it’s fine and worth it. i don’t know. i didn’t mean for this post to get so long but i’ve kind of been an offline boy recently and now you can kind of tell why. been going thru a lot. been very very sick actually. it’s a whole thing. but still. anyway. there’s a life update nobody asked for and if you read all of that i’m going to kiss you on the mouth with tongue i love you

#personal

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ladyoftheblackpaint · 3 years

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Dad-for-One Theory Breakdown

So now that the big man is out and on the loose, I was reading about this theory, and honestly it’s pretty interesting.

All For One being Izuku’s father.

Other people could probably write better analyses of the theory itself than me, but from what I understand these are some main arguments to support this being a possibility:

Firstly, let’s talk about AFO’s appearance.

He’s shown with white hair in the anime when he was younger, as does his younger brother. His eyes are constantly shadowed even before his face got jacked up by All Might.

So genetically speaking, here are the traits that constitute Izuku and his parental figures:

One of Izuku’s parents would need to have freckles

One of Izuku’s parents would need to have green hair (check)

One of Izuku’s parents would need to have curly hair

One of Izuku’s parents would need to have green eyes (check)

One of Izuku’s parents would need to have his eye shape (check)

One of Izuku’s parents would need to have his skin tone (check)

The thing with genetics, though, is that they’re weird things and parents are not always the sole givers of traits.

As we can see, from the parts of All For One’s face that is visible, he doesn’t have curly hair OR freckles, which is sort of a big kick in the gut for this theory.

Irregardless, I do have to say that theory, though, does have a point with the fact that his eyes are hidden. Most of Izuku’s traits seem to come from his mother, and the fact that two of his most telling traits (his curly hair and his freckles) just so happen to be in the same spots that are covered up by scar tissue in the design of present-day AFO is pretty interesting.

Coincidental New Abilities Given To Izuku & Izuku’s strange pain threshold.

So this is one that I have been asking questions about. OFA is a stock piling quirk, but from the looks of it, only strength is actually passed down from one individual to the next, like an energy reserve. However, if that is the case, why is it that all of a sudden the vestiges decided to change the rules of the game and bestow onto Izuku all of their abilities.

Why not All Might? He was the closest to killing AFO in the past, so if they had done so with him he might have actually done it.

It’s possible that the reason they chose Izuku was because of the impending catastrophes that were obviously coming to fruition with the League of Villains and Tomura.

I’m left to wonder if there was another reason, though:

One of the themes of My Hero Academia is how quirks harm the user over time. All Might gets wounded and then forces himself to keep using his quirk, Bakugou hurts his arms if he uses his quirk too much, Aizawa gets dry eye, Ururaka throws up, and the most obvious of them is Izuku-- who breaks his bones with the intensity of his quirk.

This didn’t happen with All Might and apparently not with any of the past users, either, since All Might seemed surprised at the extent since it was easier for him, even though he suspected what the consequences might be. Add onto this that the ability is now supposed to be stronger than All Might’s was, and you get the picture.

The point is: Izuku gets wounded a lot and yet seems to have the pain resistance of a freaking monster I mean:

COME ON.

Taking that into consideration, AFO has been described as being concerned about how his quirk affects his body. Since he has so many quirks that could potentially harm him and overwhelm him. I mean, look at the experiments with the Nomu-- people are obviously not supposed to have more than one quirk.

So someone with the capability of wielding multiple quirks with possibly painful drawbacks would, probably, be able to pass on some of the needed traits to keep that up genetically to Izuku, amiright.

And it’s possible the vestiges could tell that Izuku could handle it because of this genetic connection.

He didn’t have a quirk, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t get other traits from AFO if he was his father, such as his endurance and pain threshold.

Which leads me to my next point:

Extra Toe Bone

I actually just thought of this when I was writing the last point, so if it makes no sense welp...

Izuku was born quirkless, something that is considered relatively rare, expecially as the generations go on. Quirks are genetic phenomenon, and so if two people who have quirks have a child, it is VERY slim that their child will be born quirkless, unless they had a grandparent or someone else down the line who was quirkless.

Now, AFO was part of the first generation of quirked people. Meaning, his parents would have likely been quirkless, something that would have made it much easier for his offspring to be quirkless, as well.

Fire-breathing Absent Father

This is one of the more easy and obvious ones.

Horikoshi has said that Izuku’s father would show up later in the story, meaning that he has had a plot planned out for Izuku’s parents. Whatever that might be.

So that obviously shuts down the idea that his father is simply an unimportant character. To be introduced so that into the story as if he’s a vital piece for the future story seems...strange. Pretty suspicious.

Anyways, there’s also the information that’s been given about Izuku’s father having the quirk of fire breathing, and, obviously, a man who has numerous quirks would have the possibility of being a fire breather.

There’s not much else to say about this point.

Parallelism

OH, this one’s my favorite.

Okay, looking at Tomura Shigaraki’s character for a moment, we see the connection he has with Nana, one of the previous holders of One for All.

This is a plot technique that is basically just a twist in the narrative. How could someone SO GOOD and someone that All Might looked up to have a grandchild so inherently evil? His family was relatively normal, even if his father was abusive (god, that’s a terrible thing to say but I digress). His father’s abuse came from the trauma he experiences when he was abandoned by Nana, but all in all his family was full of ordinary people. He had grandparents, a mother, a sister, and his abusive dad (oh god).

Even with the heroic heritage and the normal family life, Tomura becomes one of the worst villains in the series.

By parallelism, I mean, imagine the DRAMA if Izuku-- pure, wanting-to-be-a-hero, saving everyone’s ass, sunshine child Izuku-- was the most powerful villain’s child...that’d be fucking awesome. I would shit bricks. It’d be amazing!

Possibly predictable...

But amazing!

Plus, if you look at both Izuku and Tomura’s parents, if the Dad For One theory is true, they would each have one caring parent and one “bad” parent.

It would fit so well. With the narrative of the “heroes” of society not being inherently good (Nana abandoning her child-- even if she believed it was for his best interest) and villains simply being misunderstood until the point that they snap (look at literally ANY villain in the series. There’s some type of narrative about being abandoned by society).

One of the best heroes ever producing one of the greatest villains, and vice versa.

It’d be beautiful.

THAT’S some badass parallelism.

PLUS, it would fit with the narrative of ending the cycle of violence. For a story so based on the intricacies of society and what is truly “evil” and “good”, to have an ending where the two characters stray from their genetically defined path and decide their own destinies would be SO satisfying I’m getting excited just thinking about it.

ANYWAYS, I’m not so sure how much I believe this theory might come true, but I know that it’s not a silly theory at all. Looking at the narrative, the possible hints, the parallelism (GOD the PARALLELISM) it would make sense in the long run and, in my opinion, be super interesting.

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nctsjiho · 3 years

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Alternate Universe

warnings: mention of COVID. This is was meant to be pure fluff ngl, but you might’ve guessed it, that’s not how it turned out.

era: May 2021

❀ During a sleepover in JiHo’s new apartment, she and Renjun imagine how life would be if NCT never met each other

“Okay, but with space being infinitely big, who says there can’t be multiple universes. And maybe, one of those universes could be an alternate universe similar to ours.” JiHo hummed as she listened to Renjun’s rant - which had been going on for about 30 minutes at this point. She pulled her blanket up to her chin and closed her eyes. “Do you think we’d still have met in that universe? Do you think NCT exists there?”

JiHo let out a deep sigh, “Go to sleep Renjun, it’s already past 1.” She turned her head to look at Renjun who was slightly pouting and she let out a small chuckle. “I just wonder how things would’ve been if we hadn’t met each other.” Renjun then locked eyes with the girl. “Any of us.”

Sitting up straight against the arm rest of her new L-shaped couch, JiHo stretched her arms. Renjun mirrored her action on the other end of the couch, curious as to why JiHo did so, she had been nagging him to shut up and sleep earlier anyway.

“As for me...” She trailed off. Renjun took notice of how JiHo’s eyes had focused on nothing particular. Even in the dimly lit room he could see how her eyes looked so bright yet charming. He never told anyone, but JiHo’s greenish eyes were one of his favourite things to look at. They were so pretty and interesting. Not only was she the only member who didn’t have just brown eyes, but something about them had him get lost in her eyes whenever he got the chance to look at them closely.

JiHo coughed before continuing. “I’d be in France right now. Probably had a reckless childhood with my weird friends and helping out at my grandparents’ pension.” Even though Renjun felt sad that he wasn’t part of that alternate-universe-childhood, he couldn’t help but smile when JiHo did. Reminiscing the childhood she had and imagining how it would’ve continued if she’d never gone to Korea to become an idol made her feel nostalgic in a sense. She didn’t get to experience it, but she could imagine it as if it really happened.

“I’d probably have a dog and live a normal middle-class, country side, family and friends oriented life. Maybe continued on with rope skipping and actually go semi-professional.” She contently sighed. “What about you?” JiHo’s eyes fell on Renjun’s shadowy figure. The light coming from the window only hit the far side of his body, so JiHo couldn’t really make out much of his appearance.

“I don’t know. I actually don’t know.” JiHo laughed softly. “Oh, don’t tell me you theorised about aliens, alternate universes, ghost, any kind of supernatural, but you’ve never thought about life without NCT?” Her mocking, yet innocently playful tone elicited a chuckle from him. “I guess I would’ve went on with school and worked hard to get into a good university so I could get a good job.”

“And your art? You’re really talented, you could do something with that.” The unexpected compliment casted a pink tinge on Renjun’s cheeks and he was so happy JiHo couldn’t make it out in the darkness of the room. “Hm. Maybe.” He hummed bashfully.

The two sit in silence for a bit before Renjun speaks up again. “How is it living here?” The sudden break in silence makes JiHo jump the tinniest bit and her head quickly turns to face Renjun. He laughs. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”

His eyes scan the room, or at least what he can see of it. He already got used to the dark, so he could the silhouettes of all the furniture in the spacious apartment. The living room, kitchen and dining era was bigger than those in most of the NCT dorms, but this apartment only had 2 bedrooms, a bathroom, a toilet and a small dressing room - it might as well just be a closet. It looked way more trendy than his dorm. “Esteem must have some good money.” He thought.

“It looks nice.” He then looked at JiHo, awaiting her response. “It looks nice yeah.” Her voice sounded way less chipper than it did before. “Why? Do you not like it?” Once again, JiHo’s head snaps up. “No, I do like it. It’s pretty big, not too much furniture so it’s easy to clean. My bedroom is big enough for a queen size bed. It’s nice.” “You don’t seem too happy about it though.”

Jiho sighed and let her body fall back down in a lying position on the couch. “It’s lonely.” She stated simply. No other explanation, just those two words. “What about your manager?” Renjun asked, but then he remembered. He, and no one of the other members who have visited her over the past two weeks had really seen her manager. Maybe one or twice in passing, but the manager wasn’t in the apartment for more than an hour whenever they came over.

A groan escaped the sleepy girl’s lips as she stretched her arms out in front of her. “She’s still managing for another talent under Esteem. And that person has a lot of schedules currently, so my manager is just out working all the time.” “But we come by often, and you come over to the dorms as well.” JiHo nodded, not necessarily for Renjun to see, she didn’t think he would either way, but he did. “So?” “It’s only the second time someone stayed over here. Which I really enjoy by the way.” She quickly added as not to offend Renjun because of her rather gloomy tone.

“It’s just that whenever I come back home, whether it’s from the company or from your guys’ dorms, I just get hit by the fact that I’m alone in this apartment.” Renjun sympathised with the girl, understanding why it could make her feel lonely. “Not only that, it also makes me realise that NCT really is all I have. I don’t have many other friends, or at least not those who I hang out with. It’s only you guys.”

Not wanting to face Renjun, whether he was able to see the disheartened look on her face or not, JiHo pulled her blanket up to her chin again. “My family lives about 12 plus hours away by plane. I haven’t seen them in six years, and quite frankly, I’m not sure when I get to see them again.”

Renjun felt his stomach sink a little as JiHo slowly lost her ability to hide her real feelings. Each word sounded more and more painful to utter, sounded like it took more energy, it just felt so sad.

In an attempt to cheer JiHo up, Renjun spoke up. “Hey, once COVID is over, you should just get on a plane and visit them.” JiHo let out a bitter laugh and it makes Renjun’s heart clench. Did he say something wrong?

“You don’t think that in those six years I could’ve just gotten on a plane and visited them?” JiHo asked, her tone sounding just as, if not more bitter then her laugh just a second earlier. “Don’t you think that my family could’ve just jumped on a plane and visited me?” She scoffed. Of course it wasn’t directed to Renjun, rather the situation itself, but the boy couldn’t help but feel a bit targeted. He didn’t blame her though, it must of been so frustrating for her.

“Do you mind me asking why it didn’t happen then?” JiHo looked at Renjun, who had pushed himself up further on the couch, his legs now crossed in front of him. “There’s literally no reason it didn’t happen before. It doesn’t make sense that I never went back or that my family never came here. It’s just like this.” “But- How?” Renjun felt so confused, it really didn’t make sense.

JiHo sat up as well and stared out in front of her at the window. “Whenever I wanted to go SM or the managers always made up some excuse. It was either schedule conflict, or I had problems with my visa in my trainee days, or I had a last minute meeting. SM never let me buy my family plane tickets and whenever they would tell me they’d come visit, they would always cancel last minute for something that happened. After a while I just stopped asking.” Renjun carefully stood up after JiHo’s confession. “And after a while, my family stopped planning to come.”

It went unnoticed by JiHo that Renjun had moved over towards her. She looked to the side to see her friend already sit next to her on the couch. “I didn’t know. I’m so so sorry.” JiHo shook her head. “It’s not your fault.” She responded, a silence fell over them once again.

Renjun watched as the gears inside of Jiho’s head kept turning. He felt so bad for everything she had to go through is silence. Everything she hid from everyone. All of it was just extra weight in her backpack full of worries and burdens.

He grabbed her hand which had fallen limply next to her lap. The touch making her snap out of her thoughts. “It just doesn’t make any sense.” She kept shaking her head. “Someone inside of SM must have been talking to my family, or maybe they felt betrayed when I left to Korea-” “Never.” Renjun interrupted, not wanting JiHo to even entertain that thought. “Maybe they got mad that I kept cancelling my visits.” Her head still continued shaking from left to right as if she was in denial, and to be honest she was. “Make it make sense Renjun.” Her voice cracked as her eyes locked with Renjun’s.

The same eyes that seemed to light up the dark room earlier felt devoid from all it’s usual brightness and youthfulness. On most days the green in her eyes reminded Renjun of jade, cool and charming, on other days it reminded him of nature, energetic and playful, but right now the green was so dull and was barely visible between the brown colour of the rest of her irises.

Renjun squeezed JiHo’s hand lightly. “I’m so sorry JiHo, I don’t know.” This causes JiHo to nod and let her eyes wander back to the window. “If I could I’d move back in with Haechan and the boys.” Renjun’s eyes stayed focussed on JiHo’s hand. It made him happy that her dainty fingers fit perfectly interlaced with his. The boy was used to holding for example Jisung’s hand, which was way bigger than his own and even though they fit into his as well, it was a different kind of fit. With JiHo’s hand he felt a sense of protectiveness and responsibility, like he had to be the one to make sure JiHo wouldn’t get hurt.

“Chenle doesn’t live with you guys, but at least when he goes home he has his family. Whether it’s his parents or his aunt, he has family with him all the time. As for me...” She trailed off. “This place doesn’t feel like a home at all. I was perfectly happy living with the boys. You guys are all the family I have here.” JiHo released a big breath as if she had just done a physical exercise that required a lot of energy.

Her eyes then fell onto Renjun and her intertwined hands, smiling at the way Renjun absentmindedly drew hearts on the back of her hand. “I love my parents and grandparents. I really do.” Renjun got startled by JiHo’s desperate tone, as if she was trying to prove him of her love for her family. “I know-” “I would like to believe I’d do anything to see them.” “And you would.” Renjun smiled assuring, even if his smile showed sadness. “I don’t think that’s true Renjun.”

JiHo’s breath hitched for a second before she made eye contact with her worried friend. “I could’ve just went. I could’ve not listened to SM and went. If I truly loved my family as much-” “Don’t say that JiHo.” Renjun scolded carefully, but JiHo just shook her head. “If I loved them so much, wouldn’t I have done it? I got on a plane to China for Xiaojun behind our managers back once for God’s sake.” She took a few seconds to calm her breathing. “Why haven’t I gone and visited my family?”

“You’re scared.” JiHo’s eyes widened in confusion. “What?” “You’re scared aren’t you? That going back might not be what you imagined it to be. But why does that matter? It’s your family, they love you and miss you just as much as you love and miss them.”

A wave of realisation hit JiHo and she felt tears well up in her eyes. Throwing her head back she tried her best to stop them from flowing and from more forming in her eyes.

Once the tears subsided she looked at Renjun who had a soft smile on his lips. “I’m scared that if I go back, that I’ll realise how much I actually missed my family.” Renjun laughed slightly amused. “What’s wrong with that?” “If I go...” She started and Renjun nodded along with her words, yet his smile faded as soon as JiHo uttered her next words.

“I might realise I don’t want to come back here again.”

---

Side Note: I wanted to write for Renjun for soooo long! This was based on a cute/funny prompt I found on Tumblr, but literally a few paragraphs in and my mind went “let’s make it a bit angsty”. This might be one, if not my favourite writing I’ve done so far <3 I hope you all liked it as well.

I know my content hasn’t been as good lately so I hope this writing will get me back on track a bit. I definitely have to do something about my inability to think of good titles tho O.O

I hope you have a nice day/evening/night <3

#jiho.writings #nct 24th member #nct addition #nct dream imagines #nct imagines #nct female member #nct extra member #nct additional member #kpop!addition #kpop!oc

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