#anyway there's so much from retribution i want to draw - but also kinda feel like just doing my own thing

[punkranger]

i have so many ideas that i wanna draw but most of them require panels and while i've gotten more used to that i kinda just wanna work on one piece and have it done without any need for follow-up or repetition...

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep 14: So If You Put a Fraction Into a Duel Disk, the Card Explodes

We left on quite the cliffhanger last episode, so I’ll fill you in:

I did not get the haircut.

Like I seriously considered getting a Zigfried for a cool 3 or 4 minutes there, but then I decided to wait a couple of days and I basically forgot.

But, back to the arc finale, Seto has decided to walk, not run, to the Kaiba lab in order to fix the virus rapidly eating his entire company.

I just want to point out that Zigfried went through a LOT of work to get Seto Kiaba to go “uggggh” turn around, and pretend to calmly walk away. I’m used to Seto losing his nut kind of a lot and blowing things up but this season he’s like “be chill be chill be chill” so that the entire world doesn’t think he’s a spaz on TV.

And little aside about Seto’s design choices here, I fell down a hole of interior design videos, and can I just say: apparently these wood frame things on the wall are back in style? Good on you, 2002(3?) Seto Kaiba. Don’t think that current designers are painting them purple but...we’re halfway there to Yugioh fashion.

Meanwhile, Pharaoh decides to remind everyone that these stakes are hella low. The worst that happens is that Zigfried deletes the plane that Yugi needs to fly home...which would be an impressive virus.

Like it’s hard to tell if Yami even has a solid concept of “capitalism” and whether or not he cares about or understands the makeup of Seto’s company (which up till now has operated like a small country and not a business...which is a little more Pharaoh’s understanding. Either way...hard to tell if Yami would shed two tears for the loss of Kaiba corp.)

And, despite what I say in the caps, I feel like Leon and Zigfried are the first villains we’ve ever had that Yugi and Pharaoh didn’t unintentionally disclose that they are 2 people to. Zigfried and Leon are just...completely oblivious to how effed up Yugi’s bean is. They think that’s just a normal kid and lol no dudes...y’all got distracted by Seto Kabia but you have a literal Egyptian God just hovering around in the background and dating 3 people by accident.

Like when the show shelves the main storyline, it is very funny how it’s all “And we’re gonna put the Pharaoh crisis on hold--just put a pin in it. No one will notice this child is two nervous wrecks stitched together” and then Yugi and Yami just kinda hold it in and watch all patiently until it’s their turn to get off the bench.

(read more under the cut)

In the giant computer tower, Seto Kaiba shouts out a string of orders and numbers, admired the many sonar detector looking windows open on every monitor, and then sat down at his desk to like...check the firewall, I guess?

The virus is past the firewall. It’s um...it’s inside the firewall, pretty sure that was the point, but youknow, it’s a kid’s show so they’re just throwing out computer stuff that has no meaning to the writers of this show.

Mokuba thinks fondly of how Seto Kaiba has never screwed him over (which I mean...maybe not on purpose, ((except for that one time he did screw him over on purpose to get Gozaburo Kaiba to accidentally give Seto Kaiba the company, but you could say that was a grander scheme that he knew Mokuba would see through, which...)) but Seto certainly has screwed Mokuba over accidentally. At least once.)

And meanwhile, Yami fixes everything through card shenanigans.

So here’s the shenanigan this episode: I don’t go over cards here but this one requires a limited amount of explanation.

So every round the golden castle deletes half of Yugi’s cards. So he was like...I’ll just draw down to one card. They can’t delete half a card...so that means the card must delete one of the two cards on the field which means it must delete itself.

...which is like the closest Yugioh will probably ever get to abusing a glitch to do a speedrunning tactic like GDQ.

Anyway, like I stated in the title: there are no fractions allowed in Yugioh. If you do that to your priceless one-of-a-kind card you got from winning one of Pegasus’ murder tournies, it will irreparably bust the card.

I’m sure at least one of you will correct me with the proper way to insert a fraction into your duel disk. Cuz like...as I say multiple times so we never forget, I barely pay attention to this card game and I’m just flying by the seat of my pants.

I want to say Seto and Mokuba were in the hacker chairs for like...3 minutes maybe before they realized “oh...Yugi fixed it...” and walked the half a mile back to the duel arena.

and also, as I’m looking at Seto’s glasses here, I just realized...all of Kaiba’s team wears sunglasses all the time. Inside, outside, night, or day...

They haven’t outright said this...but what if those aren’t sunglasses?

Is Roland and that other Roland wearing fancy cyber glasses? They are, right? Because they wear them indoors?

Damn, they can’t take a piss without being on call with Kaiba Corp, can they?

Now the problem is...Yugi played all of his cards (he has two in front of him face down, but none in his deck) and after milling himself, this means he’s now basically a sitting duck for Leon to take the title of “King of Games.”

Leon insists that he defend whatever scraps are left of his card honor and not duel a person who is carrying no cards and Yugi was like “COME AT ME BRO THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I KNOW I’M ALIVE.”

He didn’t even have to do a horror on Leon, he just...played cards good? I skipped it, I’ll be honest, but overall Leon’s card honor was...saved? Maybe? I mean he also go destroyed when his competitor had not a single card in his duel disk so...

...Leon will have to work on his card honor off screen because he’s pretty well humiliated at this point.

But stumbling onto the playing field like he’s half dazed/daydrunk, Zigfried is like “You forgot I already won, bastards!”

Which is when we find out that Zigfried’s “delete all” virus failed to press “enter” and deleted basically nothing. Just like when my Mom attempts to send something in Gmail but doesn’t press “Send” and tells me that Google is down and broken.

Sorry my bro has informed me that he ALSO has had to help my Mother locate the “Send” button and I just...I know she absolutely did that but I’m in denial that this Riddle of the Sphinx has happened to her multiple times.

Honestly, the pep talk we get from Leon at the end to cheer up his bro was a whole lot of “we will pick ourselves up and we’ll do better next time. Together.” and sure you can translate that as “we’ll be honest next time” or you can translate that as “next time we will be not nearly as obvious about inserting a virus into their computer until it is done doing the job, bro.”

Just like Dartz, we didn’t really get a whole lot of retribution or closure when it comes to Zigfried. But, unlike Dartz, Zigfried didn’t do too much murder, so I guess this is fine. He tried to cheat in a card game...

...and I guess tried to delete Kaiba Corp but youknow...

...people let him have that. The police saw the ticket of “this man tried to delete Kaiba Corp” and they just...didn’t arrest him. The judge saw that ticket and didn’t put out a warrant. They just let Zigfried have this, almost like “better luck next time, ya?”

And then Roland clocked out for the day and went home, thus ending this arc.

Look at all these characters, most of which we never saw duel even one card.

We also got one shot of Mai for some reason although she was not in this arc.

AAAHHHH. Every time I’m like “the show is done screwing geography” we get another freakin geography spook!

But we went back to California in order to get a scene of these guys in an airport to get a flight to Japan...

which means Rex and Weevil just...were they shipped home by the Kaibas? Because way to ditch getting arrested by the American Government, hot damn. They are...literally terrorists who destroyed a Caltrain in a plot to kill everyone in the world so like...really surprised Rex and Weevil are in public...but maybe all the FBI were dead at the time so they just didn’t know?

Meanwhile, Duke has to go back to Death Valley and call a tow truck for his car, RIP.

I sure hope he got PTO during this stunt and isn’t going home to a pink slip.

I’m not sure of Dukes life or anything going on with Duke. I’m sure the thing about Serenity is him joking because we have all forgotten about that girl by this point...but also...is Duke...still living in the Tenderloin? The crime rate is very, very high and the ground isn’t solid, so it will liquefy if there’s an Earthquake, but it is one of the few places in the Bay Area that doesn’t light on fire every year. He has that going for him.

I just really hope Duke moves out of the Tenderloin one of these days, he needs a better life.

Meanwhile, Rebecca does one last crime.

This is like a post-epidemic reaction to a hug, but in 2002(3?).

I don’t think I’ll miss Rebecca too much. Wanted to like her more, but she was under-utilized, like most of the characters on Yugioh. Not even just talking girl characters here--most characters on Yugioh are super under-utilized, just Tristan Wallflowers doing nothing, but also being selectively OP as hell about very specific things they never, ever need to do.

Speaking of the devil:

Yugi...just saved his entire company...

But Mokuba is just has to make sure to make it seem like they owed Mokuba and not the other way around. Just in case.

So off they go on this massive plane. It’s probably more to do with the length of the trip as to why the plane is so big but also...

This plane is overcompensating.

But before we analyze that, lets close the book on Seto Kaiba’s very short therapy arc. Overall, it was a nice distraction, but I can see why people call it a filler arc, as it really doesn’t affect...anything going on in the major plotlines, which makes me think it could have been a movie or a game or something. But overall, it’s not bad, it’s just not what you’d expect if you were a Western audience.

Like I’m preaching to the choir, but typically, Western stories are entirely plot focused, and so our arcs always give or take away from that plot. But in a Eastern story arc, it may instead be character focused, where the climax is a character evolving or coming to some sort of cathartic realization, which this arc was, in a big way. We still had some plot, because this is a Shonen, but overall it was about characters, and specifically whether or not Leon and his bro would reconcile or change--which they did.

We did get to see a little more growth on Seto in that he...didn’t go bonkers and hallucinate during a card game. It’s been a while since we’ve had him not do that. Seto was very chill this arc, which makes sense, it was a very chill slice of life arc for everyone involved.

So, next we move on to the next one, which bro has informed me...is

still not Bakura.

According to Bro, the next arc didn’t even air in the Japanese version of the show? Like he’s got a lot of spicy Yugioh headcanons so he could be wrong (He did tell me that he thought that Zigfried was Seto Kaiba’s ex boyfriend when he saw this as a kid which...that sure is a way to interpret this arc, and it probably wasn’t just my little brother who went down that thought tube there...)

(Bro Note: To be fair, I didn’t watch much of this arc as a kid.)

But he says the next arc was originally a movie. But they released it in the States as episodes to be part of S5, just to put more episodes in there. Which, if he’s correct, makes it seem like we’re getting like the Mulan 2 experience kind of shoved in between this arc and the next

But um..

according to bro it has virtually no card games.

.......

I’m so used to only capping 10 minutes an episode, what?

Anyway, until then, here’s the link to read the rest of these from the start in chrono order:

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

I’m kinda itching to do a Season Zero, it’s been a hot minute--so those take a little longer to do, especially since I need to go to a different site I haven’t...checked out yet...I’ll be back...eventually? I just know that at some point in Season Zero they fight it out with yo-yo’s and I want to see it.

[danurso]

Moar colorguard pls (OWO)

*the girls are discussing over who gets to sleep with jaune, the discussion doesn't seems to be going anywhere, until yang gives them an idea*

Yang: okay, okay, let's make a deal then, the first one to make jaune blush can sleep with him tonight, deal?

Jaune: *deadpans* you know this is a really stupid way of deciding it right?

Yang: shush, you have no right to vote on this.

Blake: i'll do it.

Ruby: im in!

Weiss: sounds interesting.

Pyrrha: c-couldn't we decide this in another way?

Yang: sorry p-money, but the majority decided, it's easy, you just need to flirt with him or do something sexy enough to make him embarrassed.

Pyrrha: b-but i don't know how to do this.

Blake: don't worry, i'll make him blush anyways so you don't have to worry about that.

Ruby: only after i do it.

Jaune: *sigh* you all know i'm still here right?

Yang: i'll go first! *gets closer to jaune* hey there ladykiller, mind if i stay here tonight? All those classes lately got me so stressed, and i need my knight's help to relax, if you help me i'll make sure to help you out. *licks her lips and pulls her shirt a bit* my babies here are so soft and warm, and they want to help you out really badly too. So, what do you say ladykiller?

Jaune: *unamused* i say next time don't explain a bet in front of the victim, it loses the effect and just annoys me.

Yang: wha- *sighs* goddammit.

Ruby: my turn! *gets closer to jaune, sitting on his lap and drawing imaginary shapes on his chest with her finger* so, jaune, why don't you redden your cheeks just a bit for me, if you do, i can reward you, making you feel good in all places i know you like, so, what do you think?

Jaune: i think you need more practice with this.

Ruby: *pouts with crossed arms and sits back on her place*

Weiss: i guess it's my turn. *gets closer to jaune* jaune, i need your help. i've been feeling this itch for a while, and whenever you're closer it only gets stronger, unfortunately i can't scratch it, but i think you have something big enough to help me, if you do, i'll be sure to retribute the favor, even if you want to. . .explore new areas. So, can you help me please?

Jaune: if you're feeling itchy then you should go to the infirmary, i don't think i can help you with that.

Weiss: *goes back to her place with an undignified look* i really hate you sometimes.

Blake: so jaune, why don't you let me stay her with you tonight, we can play our little game you know, we can *okay, i'll censor that cause despite writing spicy stuff from time to time, what blake is saying is a long and VERY nsfw speech, and if i don't censor it, i will be demonetized by youtube, even if this is tumblr* so, are you interested?

Ruby/Weiss/Pyrrha: *speechless and with massive blushes on their faces*

Yang: *blushing* wow, that's some really hardcore stuff, who knew blake was the most perverted out of all of us.

Jaune: blake, you're not flirting, you're describing our usual intercourse.

RWY/Pyrrha: *chokes* what!?

Blake: *sighs* i thought so, but at least i tried.

Yang: damn ladykiller, all of that and you still didn't blushed, when did you got so good at this.

Jaune: when? I've been dating the five hottest girls on remnant for a year now, if i didn't got used to see and hear a few sexy things i would always be a flustred mess.

PRWBY: *blushes slightly*

Yang: so, no one made him blush, that means we're back to the start.

Pyrrha: w-well-

Ruby: thats right, pyrrha didn't had her turn yet.

Pyrrha: n-no, it's not that, i was just saying that-

Yang: come on, don't be shy, just try it.

Blake: don't you think it's a bit too much for her? pyrrha is way too innocent for that, she can't say dirty things like us.

Pyrrha: y-yes i can!

Blake: really? then curse.

Pyrrha: er. . .h-he-heck!

Ruby: err. . .pyrrha, heck isn't a curse.

Pyrrha: w-what?

Yang: yeah, curses are more like "fuck!" or "shit!"

Pyrrha: fu. . .fu. . .f-fu. . .f-f-fuc-i can't do it! *buries her face in her palms*

Ruby: its okay pyrrha, not everyone is made for this. *pats her back*

Pyrrha: i know, but it still hurts *looks to jaune* i wanted to be able to say things like that as well, sorry jaune.

Jaune: hey, don't worry, i don't mind.

Pyrrha: i know, its just that i wanted to do these. . . *blushes* naughty things for you as well, i-i wanted to dress up in s-sexy outfits or say something dirty to you but i can't.

Jaune: i know, but i don't really care for that, i love you the way you are.

Pyrrha: *looks at him with a tender smile* i know, i think it's kinda funny now to remember of when we first met, you were so clumsy and funny, but also you had a golden heart and treated me like no one else did before, it made me so happy. . .i think i fell in love with you since we first met, and until today, i still love you, with all your flaws and mistakes, i don't think i can ever stop loving you so much as i do today. *smiles brightly at him*

Jaune: *looks away with a blush and sheepish smile* t-thanks pyr, it means a lot to me.

Weiss: wait, did you just blush!?

Jaune: what? no.

Ruby: YES YOU DID!!

Blake: so this is what really gets you embarrassed.

Jaune: i-it doesn't, forget about it!

Weiss: we said all those dirty things but you ended blushing to her pure and innocent feelings?

Jaune: i didn't!

Ruby: yes you did!

Jaune: no i didn't!

Yang: well, i can't really blame pyrrha, its was the same to me, after losing both of my mothers i ended up raising a barrier, i thought i could only count with myself to everything and that i should always help the others without accepting being helped back, jaune broke down these barriers and showed me that it isn't that bad being weak sometimes, even more it its with the person you love, so thanks jaune, i love you.

Jaune: *blushing deeply* y-yang i-i-i-

Yang: I KNEW IT!! YOU BLUSHED!!

Jaune: w-wait! Did you just-

Yang: sorry ladykiller, but i needed to prove my point. Besides, it's not like i lied or anything.

Jaune: *massaging his temples* why did i even agree on dating you.

Yang: cause you love me, duh~

Jaune: *sighs* me and my stupid heart.

Yang: welp, let's go now girls, pyrrha won fair and square so she gets jaune for tonight.

Weiss: you're accepting the defeat way better than i expected.

Yang: *grins* defeat? What defeat? I might have lost the game, but i learned something new, and that to me is way better than winning the game.

Weiss: *deadpans* i should've guessed. *gets up* well, i think it's better if we leave them already.

Jaune: good night girls *kisses them*

RWBY: good night *leaves*

Jaune: so?

Pyrrha: w-what?

Jaune: you won didn't you? Do you have something in mind you wanna do?

Pyrrha: *blushing* well. . .there's one thing.

*a few minutes later*

Jaune: *spooning pyrrha* comfortable?

Pyrrha: *with a light pink on her cheeks and a bright smile* yes.

Jaune: good night pyrrha.

Pyrrha: good night jaune.

[robinrunsfiction]

Consider..Demon!Gerard (he’s such a sweetheart,,calls herbsugar,,darling-also super shady tho)finds the reader dying (mugged maybe?)And brings her back to life(the afterlife??)she lives with him now because thats what happens when a demon saves u ig?Anyways theyre kinda falling in love,,she falls asleep on him on the couch one night,,the next night what do u know things happen and things are said and they end up making out in their underwear in her room,, suuper fluffy,, they fall asleep

Have You Heard the News That You’re Dead?

Pairing: Demon!Gerard Way x Female ReaderRating: TeenRequested By: AnonWord Count: ~2,400Author’s Note: Hi, my name is Robin and I am physically incapable of writing a short story, but this is super super late so I hope that makes up for it! I use the prompt “Everyone has a guardian angel except you. You have a guardian demon. He deals with things in a much more violent fashion, but much more effective.” from @writing-prompt-s as my guide for this one. Also TW: for mentions of death, but if you didn’t get that from the ask, I can’t help you.

You always knew you were different. You could tell the vibe you gave off wasdifferent of that of everyone else. Dogs growled or ran away when you walkeddown the street. Old ladies would clutch their pearls. If it hadn’t been likethat for as long as you could remember, it would be alarming to say the least.What you weren’t aware of was the fact that most people had a guardian angellooking out for them, and you had a guardian demon.

That’s not to say it made you a bad person, you just had a different way of moving through life. Sure trouble found you more often than others, but you were still having a hell of a good time. That is until the night you stumbled alone out of that bar in a drunken stupor. You’d be fine you reasoned. You were always fine. Until that guy with a knife appeared and you didn’t have any money left to give him and that answer angered him, and then you were bleeding on the ground.

The last thing you saw was a man with black eyes and black hair and a pale face running up, muttering obscenities under his breath, clearly panicked. All youcould wonder was why there was no one to look out for you at that moment.

~

You woke up in a bed that wasn’t familiar in a room you’d never seen. You sat upand saw your shirt still had the hole from where you’d been stabbed, but yourskin was unbroken underneath. You had been certain you were dying on that street. Was this some kind of weird hospital? Had you been in a coma for years? What was going on?

You got out of the bed and moved quietly toward the door. As you wandered down the dark hallway, you could hear music playing. Following the sound, you found yourself in a living room, where someone, a man with black hair, sat with his back to you.

“‘Scuse me,” you started and he turned to look at you with those same black eyes you saw when you were on the street. “What the fuck?” you gasped asyou backed away. “Where am I? Where did you take me?” You demanded.

He sat down the book he was reading and strode over to you. “My name isGerard. I’m your guardian demon and for the sake of honesty, its my fault you’redead.”

“I’m dead?!” You shrieked. “Demon? Am I in hell?!”

“Not exactly. You’re at my place, which dimensionally speaking, is earth-adjacent… on the hell side. Come sit down, I’ll explain everything.”

“No! I wanna go home!”

Gerard winced. “That’s the thing sugar, this is your home now.”

Gerard had to rush to help you sit down, as your legs seemingly were not working at the moment and you looked like you were about to collapse.

“You see,” he started once you were seated, “most of you humans have guardian angels. A few of you lucky ones get us, guardian demons.”

“How is that lucky? I’m doomed to hell before I even get a crack at life?” Youargued.

“Oh you aren’t doomed, you’re destined to become a demon as well. Knowing you guarding another luck human soul until its time they join our ranks.”

“Then what am I doing here?”

“You weren’t supposed to be dead yet. I fucked up.”

“Shocker.”

Gerard descended upon you, his face inches from yours. “Oh sugar, didn’t I dowell for the last however many years? Didn’t you have a life anyone could wishfor?”

You didn’t know how to respond, so you just swallowed thickly.

“I thought so,” he said righting himself. “Besides, my duty to you is not relieved now that you are deceased. We need to keep you hidden here so management doesn’t know that I-”

“Fucked up and let me die.”

Gerard glared down at you. “Exactly. But don’t worry sugar, I intend to keeptaking the best care of you. I promise you that.”

Despite Gerard’s explanation of events you still weren’t totally convinced he wasn’t full of shit. That was until he left you alone in the living area for a whileand you snuck over to the window to look out.

His apartment was a couple stories up on a busy street. But instead of the usualbustle of cars and people there were what could only be described as creatures.

Sure some of them, like Gerard, looked human, save for the black eyes, or horns sticking out of their hair. Some looked like something you’d read about in ahorror novel. You watched wide eyed as they passed along the sidewalk belowyou, going about their demonic business.

“Believe me now?” Gerard asked, startling you away from the window.

“Sure,” you said sitting down again. It was all too much to take. “But what am Igonna until my destined death day?”

“Think of it as if its one of those days you called out sick from work so you couldsit and watch hours of TV.”

“I’m doomed to watch Judge Judy and Maury forever?! I mean one day is fine, but for eternity?!”

“No, anything you want to watch, read, listen to, its all at your disposal,” heexplained.

“Will I need to do live human stuff like… eat or sleep again?”

“Totally optional,” he said. “Just like all other carnal needs.”

You just rolled your eyes and went to examine the bookshelf. Not surprisingly itwas filled with books on the occult, as well as a lot on history, art and music.

“’Bout what I expected,” you said running your fingers over the spines of thebooks, “for a demon.” When you glanced up Gerard was watching youintently and it made you shiver involuntarily.

“Help yourself to any of them. I have to go meet up with some associates. Don’tanswer the door if anyone comes around, remember, you’re alive.”

You just rolled your eyes as you pulled a book off the shelf and sat down to read.

~

You had no idea how long had passed, time being more of a human construct it would appear by the lack of clocks in the apartment. Or maybe they weren’t andGerard’s lack of time management was the cause of your current, or ratherpermanent, state of being.

Eventually you got up and watched the demons on the street for a while, then wandered through the rest of the apartment. Who knew Demons would be so sensible as to have guest bedrooms? The closet will full of clothes that seemed to be similar to the style you like while you were alive. You changed out of the shirt you died in, a thought that made you shudder, and into one that was less holey.

Moving on you noted there was no bathroom, but that made sense given what he had said about things that were “optional”. The kitchen was impressivelystocked with rich foods and fancy wines and liquors. Maybe Gerard liked toentertain? Well he wasn’t doing that impressive of a job of it right now youthought as you found yourself getting bored.

As if on cue, Gerard burst through the door. “Miss me sugar?” He askedas he breezed into the kitchen where you were still standing, feeling slightlyguilty, like you were somewhere you shouldn’t have been.

“Not really,” you mumbled.

“Oh come on sugar,” he said slinking up to you and grazing your cheek with hisfingers, “is that anyway to talk to your roommate?”

You made a disgusted noise and rolled your eyes before pushing past him.

“This is gonna be a fucking long eternity,” he muttered under his breath.

~

The thing you most enjoyed about not being alive was similar to your favorite part of being alive: sleeping. You would sleep as long as you wanted without any repercussions or judgement from others. Gerard certainly didn’t mind, as this left more time for him to do whatever he wanted since he no longer had to watch over you so closely.

Soon though he realized he missed it. He was fond of you, as he had to be based on the nature of the work, but he always enjoyed making trouble for the people who pissed you off during the day. Now he watched as a dark cloud started to gather over your waking hours, the shelves of books and movies and music no longer drawing your interest like it used to. One evening he walked into the living room to find you staring blankly at the wall.

“Novelty of it has worn off, hasn’t it?” He asked.

“Yea, and the permanence is setting in,” you sighed.

Gerard sat down next to you. “I am truly sorry. You probably don’t believe me,but its true.”

“What happened that night?” You asked as you let your head fall against hisshoulder and he moved his arm so it was around you.

“Remember that guy that was bothering you at the bar earlier in the night?”

“Yea…”

“I scared him off, that’s why he left you alone. He found someone else and theywere gonna hook up in the bathroom and I made sure that the whiskey he wasdrinking lived up to its reputation.”

You chuckled at the thought of the douche who had been talking such big game all night not being able to perform.

“I got carried away, but I’ve always hated guys like that,” Gerard admitted.“There really is a special place in hell for them.”

“Good,” you said, as you settled into him even more. A small smile tugged at his lips. “What else did you do for me?”

Gerard reclined to get more comfortable as he launched into his favorite stories of when he dealt out cosmic retribution on your behalf.

“You’re evil, but like, good evil,” you hummed as you slid down so you were laying against his chest. His arms wrapped around you protectively.

The next thing you knew you were being awakened by a hammering at the door. You both sat bolt upright and looked at each other.

“Gerard, you home?” a voice called from the other side.

“Go hide in your room,” he whispered and you hurried off and Gerard went to thedoor.

“Frank, what’s going on?” Gerard asked coolly.

“You got a hot little succubus in there?” Frank asked trying to look past Gerard.

“What’s going on Frank?” Gerard asked again, sounding more exasperated.

“Management is starting to ask about your human. No one has seen her in a while. You still keeping track of her?”

“Of course,” Gerard lied easily. “She’s just been dealing with some shit, so she’sbeen laying low.”

Frank nodded skeptically. “Just looking out for you. I’d hate to have you get fired,that would mean more work for me,” he laughed. “Besides, you know what happens when you get fired.”

Gerard nodded, trying not to let the nerves show. He remembered the last time another demon got fired. He couldn’t sleep for weeks it shook him so bad.

“Alright, I’ll leave you be, I know you got someone in there,” Frank smirked as he left.

Gerard went back to your room and found you hiding in the closet. “You’re good.”

“What’s going on?” You asked getting up.

“I’m gonna have to go topside and act like you’re still alive, or else I’m as deadas you.”

“Demons can die?”

“Not exactly the same, but it sure as shit ain’t pretty when it happens,” Gerard muttered.

“I wish I could help.”

“Not your fault, sugar,” he said as he headed back toward the front door. “I gottaclean up my mess for a while.”

“When will you be back?”

“You’ll barely know I’m gone,” he winked.

You spent what felt like forever sitting around, bored and lonely and thinking.Thinking for hours about what Gerard was risking keeping you here, and everything he had done for you your whole life. When the door finally opened again, you jumped up excitedly.

“Hey sugar,” he greeted you with a smile.

“Is everything ok?”

“Yea, we’re good for a while,” he said shrugging off his jacket. “I don’t thinkanyone will be asking questions anytime soon.”

“Good,” you said as you walked up to him and wrapped him in a hug.

Gerard stiffened momentarily, surprised by the affection, but then softened andwrapped his arms around you as well. “You decided you like me then?”

“Maybe it’s just Stockholm Syndrome, but yea, I think I do kinda like you after all. I have really did have the time of my life when I was alive, and I know you’re tothank for a lot of that,” you said before leaning up and placing a kiss on hischeek.

When you pulled back, he was looking down at you fondly. He reached up and ran his fingers along your jaw and leaned in and kissed you deeply. His lips tasted like coffee and red hots, as his arms wrapped around you and held you closer to him. You ran your hands through his dark hair and allowed his tongue to slip in against yours.

You pulled back and Gerard looked at you in confusion until you grabbed him by the collar and pulled him along back to the bedroom. He started to undo the buttons of his shirt as you peeled yours off as well. You pulled Gerard back to you again and your lips met as you tumbled against the bed. Gerard held himself over you as he undid his pants, and you slipped out of yours as well. Clad only in your respective undergarments, you continued your heated make out session, tongues moving together, hands roaming over bare skin, marks left upon necks. After what could have been 10 minutes, or maybe a decade, Gerard pulled back and looked down at you “(YN), I’ve never felt like this before,” he whispered.

“What, demons don’t do emotions?”

“Yea, but not usually love.”

You looked up at him and grinned. “Yea, I think I’d like to spend eternity here with you.”

Gerard grinned and rolled over to your side. You curled against him as he wrapped his arms around you and you both fell asleep peacefully.

[yeenybeanies]

Murophobia 

here be a couple of ocs i just kinda made up yesterday on the spot. i thought about that uncommon  “ giant is afraid of tiny ”  scenario & then thought But What If Werewolves? 

Thor Regals ( oc ) & Lusavren Lace ( oc ) 

2376 words

mild language warning

feel free to leave comments in the tags!! thanks!! 

Chaos. 

Glass shatters, furniture skids, and tiny feet and large claws skitter across the hardwood floor. Between the two beings in the room, neither is calm. To put things most aptly, both are scared shitless of each other. One just has far more destructive capabilities than the other, hence the chaos. 

The smaller—far smaller—of the two covers her head and zigzags, trying to avoid the clattering calamity above. What the hell happened? She doesn’t quite know. She was gathering materials from the kitchen when the bean came in unexpectedly. As soon as the light flickered on, their eyes met, and then all hell broke loose. 

The larger, not even a second after spotting his unusual guest, lurched from where he stood, knocking into the china cabinet and sending its contents cascading to the floor. That isn’t where it all ended, though; no, he’s still causing quite the ruckus. With every movement the little being makes, he moves as well, trying to go in the opposite direction, so as to stay as far away from it as possible! 

Big bad bean, over six feet tall, is afraid of mice and rats and roaches and most anything that’s small and crawly. 

 Poor Lusavren, on the other hand, at her four-and-a-half inches tall, is afraid of mice and rats and roaches and most anything bigger than her. This bean, as with all beans, fits into that last category. 

 And so, there is chaos. There is danger. Lucy tries her damnedest to duck for cover, but she’s been trapped on the counter. All of the thrashing about dislodged a cookbook, which fell none-too-conveniently in the path of her escape, effectively trapping her up on the surface. She could perhaps brave the jump from the countertop to the floor far below, but that comes with great risk of broken bones ( or worse ). Never mind the shattered glass that’s now littered everywhere. Lucy desperately curls into a ball, protecting her head with her arms. 

 After what feels like hours, though it only amounts to a few seconds, the crashing and thrashing stops, but Lucy remains still for several seconds more, just to make sure. When she finally does uncurl and peek over the countertop edge, she’s met with quite the sight: broken plates, upturned tables and chairs, and, most curiously, torn clothing. That’s . . . bizarre. Her tiny features scrunch in confusion. Tentatively, she brushes her hair aside and leans further, trying to get a better look at the shredded clothes. They look like the remains of a shirt and shorts—the shirt and shorts she thinks the bean was wearing ( though she didn’t exactly have time to get a good look ). More curious still, there appears to be golden hair scattered amongst the scraps. She’s seen some of this hair in her initial exploration of the place, but saw no other signs of a dog or a cat . . ..

 Movement from the hallway the bean had first appeared from ( and presumably disappeared into ) draws Lucy’s attention. Her blood runs cold. A pair of large, golden eyes stares at her from the shadows, the pupils shining back a faint green. She can make out a very not-human shape, too: big, pointed ears, a long muzzle, and shaggy hair . . .. Her first thought would be that it is a dog, but she quickly realizes, as the would-be dog steps further out, it’s standing upright, and it has hands ( tipped with very sharp-looking claws ). 

 Lucy skitters back from the edge, and the dog-thing’s ears flatten. A low growl rumbles in its throat as its lips part, showing a mouthful of big, scary teeth. The borrower does as she did before: she covers her head and curls up, trying not to shake or cry out. Not seeing the dog-thing is just as terrifying, though; its claws click on the hardwood with every step closer it takes. The worst part is feeling the beast loom over her. That wet nose bumps her back, sniffing, and Lucy can’t keep the frightened squeak in. What she doesn’t expect, though, is to hear it stumble backwards again and . . . whimper.

 What? 

 Slowly, tentatively, Lucy lifts her head to see the dog-thing backed up against the opposite counter. Its eyes are big as saucers, and its ears twitch, swinging back and forth between pointing at her, and lying flat on its head. 

 It almost looks . . . scared. 

 But that can’t be possible . . . can it? How could this monster be afraid of her?

“ Please, I— “  Lucy pushes herself back against the wall, shivering like a leaf in the wind. Despite her fear, though, she can’t help but notice how the dog-thing flinches every time she moves. It whines again, most bizarre.

“ I just want to—I’m—I’m sorry. I’ll leave. ”  She stammers over her words, finding it difficult to produce any in the presence of something so menacing.

The beast tilts its head one way, and then the other, still looking nervous, but, much to Lucy’s dismay, it steps closer. She presses herself to the wall, watching it lean forward with its hands now on her counter. 

 Oh, it’s going to eat her! 

 Lucy squeezes her eyes shut and braces herself, but nothing happens—not to her, anyway. She hears a crackling sound, and opens her eyes again to see the dog-thing . . . less dog-like, and more human-like, and still changing. It’s almost grotesque, yet fascinating. Lucy can’t look away. 

 By the gods, it’s the bean! 

 He bows his head, panting. Is the change . . . painful? It doesn’t look particularly pleasant . . .. 

“ I’m . . .—whew, okay—you’re—are you . . .— “  he lifts his head, those same golden eyes falling onto Lucy once more,   “ are you . . . real . . .? ” 

What?  

Lucy blinks, staring back at the bean. 

“ I mean—I’m not . . . hallucinating, am I? ”  He lifts a hand, no longer clawed, but still scary enough to make Lucy shrink back. The bean flinches.  

“ No, I’m—no, I’m not—I mean . . . I am real . . .. ”  When was the last time she had to admit that? This is so incredibly weird.  “ Um . . . please, I just want to go home . . .. ”  The hunger that made her go out in the first place has long-since been forgotten. Despite her legs feeling like jelly, Lucy stands and, back pressed to the wall, tries to shimmy away. 

“ Wait! No! Hold on a sec, hunh? ”  The bean raises his hands as if to surrender ( not that the gesture is particularly comforting to Lucy ). He still looks nervous, but he does appear to be calming down. That makes one of them, at least. He glances down at himself, then back at the borrower.  “ Uh, look, let me go put some new clothes on, okay? Please don’t leave. If I see you skittering across the floor or the counter again, I, uh—well, I don’t wanna freak out and accidentally hurt you. ” 

 Lucy nods, first just thinking she’ll appease the bean and make her escape while he’s gone, but then she pauses. He said he didn’t want to freak out and hurt her . . .. This day is so strange! 

As she’s mulling over the happenings of the past few minutes, the bean quickly picks his way through the mess of broken glass on the floor and runs back down the hallway, presumably to get new clothes. It occurs to Lucy that he’s been clad only in his boxers this whole time. Oh boy . . .. She feels her cheeks heat up. 

He’s back fairly quickly, pushing down his new shirt as he enters, once more fully clothed. Lucy, perhaps against her better judgment, opted to stay. It isn’t like she had many good options to escape the countertop anyway. Still, she stiffens as he approaches. Blond, shaggy hair partially obscures his eyes, but Lucy can still see the gold through it. 

He lifts a hand to her, which makes her squeak and look away. “ My name’s Thor. I really am sorry for . . . ”  he glances around at the disaster that is the kitchen,  “ this. I thought you were a rat and I kinda panicked . . .. Oh—uh, sorry. ”  It seems he was after a handshake, but now he’s realized that someone of Lucy’s stature might not be able to return the gesture so easily. Never mind that she’s still pretty damn scared of him. He pulls his hand away, and instead brings it up to rub the back of his neck, bashful. 

“ You . . . you turn into that . . .—that thing, and yet you’re afraid of a rat? ”  It comes out a little more rudely than she intended. Then again, she was also mistaken for vermin. Thankfully, the bean—Thor—doesn’t seem to be too offended. He smiles, though seeing his teeth, still long and pointy, doesn’t ease Lucy any. 

“ Guess I’m not the bravest of werewolves, hunh? ” 

Werewolf? He just said werewolf. Lucy gasps, eyes wide. She’s heard of werewolves in children’s stories and fairytales, but there’s no way that—that— 

“ Werewolves aren’t real–– ”  It comes out before she can stop it. Immediately she claps her hand over her mouth, fearing retribution. 

“ I could say the same about tiny . . . people. ”  He lowers himself down, crouching before the counter, his arms resting on the surface. He gestures towards Lucy, approximating her height between his thumb and forefinger.  “ So, what are you, then? And who are you? And what are you doing in my apartment? ” 

While no longer needing to crane her neck is nice, the increased proximity is not. Lucy tightens her jaw, very aware of her size and how she has nowhere to run. Still, though, Thor hasn’t reached for her . . . yet. She’s counting her blessings. Blessed be, she’s met a bean that is patient and relatively respectful of personal space. 

“ I’m, uh . . . my name is Lusavren. I’m a borrower. I, uh—I was borrowing. I didn’t think you’d be up this late at night . . .. ” 

“ ‘ Borrowing? ’ ”  Some habits persist from the dog to the bean: Thor tilts his head to the side. Lucy can picture how the ears would be pricked up, were he still shifted.  “ Borrowing what? ” 

“ Uh . . . well—I mean, I was looking for food . . .. ”  She can’t look at him. She doesn’t want to see his face change from this strange curiosity to anger. 

But it doesn’t happen. Thor is actually rather confused. 

“ How do you borrow food? That’s not really something borrow-able. ” 

Here it comes. Lucy sucks in a breath, waiting for the rage, and whatever horrors it entails. 

“ But if you want some food . . . I can give you some. I was up getting myself a midnight snack anyway. ”  Thor stands, pushing himself off of the counter. He looks over his shoulder at the mess he’s created and grimaces.  “ Looks like I made myself a bit more than a snack, though. I’ll be up for a bit cleaning this, but I can still get you something to eat. ” 

“ I’m, um . . . I’m not really . . . hungry anymore . . .. ”  Lucy admits, eyes downcast. She just wants to go, wants to vanish into the walls and never be seen again. What a nightmare this has been.  “ I need to leave. ” 

“ Oh. Uh . . . sure. No, yeah—no problem. I guess this is all kinda freaky, hunh? Not every day you meet a werewolf. Or . . . a borrower. Don’t let me keep you. ” He steps back further, suddenly aware that he might be crowding the borrower.

When she doesn’t move, though, his brows furrow. 

“ Um . . .— “ 

“ Could you move that book? ”  Lucy points to the book in question—the cookbook that fell in her way and blocked her exit, forced her to stay on this countertop and endure the gaze of a big, scary werewolf. 

“ Oh. Sure. No problem. Here— ”  Thor sidesteps and rights the book to it’s original position, thereby exposing the little gap in the wall that Lucy had used to get up here. He tilts his head.  “ Hunh. Never noticed that before. Hey, are you sure you don’t want any— ” 

Nope. Before he can even finish his question, Lucy darts across the countertop and slips into the crevice. She immediately presses her back to the inner wall, hiding herself from view. Outside she can hear Thor moving, and peeks to see him leaned down, eyeing her escape route. He hums. 

“ O-kay then. Uh . . . get home safe, alright? And, uh, I won’t make a big mess next time I see you, ‘kay? ” 

 Oh, Lucy does not intend to be seen again. No way. She pushes off of the wall and runs, wanting to get back to the little space she calls home. After all of this, she needs to sleep, and needs to figure out her next move. Being seen means she needs to leave and find another place to live. She doesn’t have much to begin with, since she’d just moved in here . . .. 

But Thor hadn’t grabbed her or intentionally trapped her. He’d had ample opportunity to capture her ( or worse ) if he’d wanted to . . .. 

Lucy shakes her head. What is she thinking? None of that matters. Of course she still needs to move. It’s too dangerous to stay. 

But . . . she can start moving tomorrow. Right now, all this borrower needs is to sleep.

[jcrdan]

「    jung jaehyun. cis male.   he/him.    」 ╱ lights, camera, action ! don’t look now, but that must be JORDAN KIM and they’ve been labeled the OPAQUE. i heard that the 23 year old is traveling to malibu from SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA and they work as a/an BARTENDER. i think they’ll cause some trouble since they’re STUBBORN and UNFATHOMABLE, but they can also be SYMPATHETIC and LOYAL. — kaia, 24, pst, she/her ! 

HEY  LOVEYS  !    i’m  kaia,  and  i’m  super  stoked  to  be  here  with  all  of  you  cuties.     if  you’d  like  to  plot,  just  send  a  quick  message  or  even  give  this  post  a  lil  like  for  me  to  come  bother  you.    anyway,   under  the  cut  you’ll  find  some  info  on  my  baby  jordan   —-   he’s  still  a  work  in  progress  so  bare  with  me   ! I haven’t joined a new rp in so long hehe  

LONG  STORY  SHORT,   jordan  was  born  and  raised  in san francisco   —-  when  he  was  13 ( divorced  parents  remarried ),  he’s the only child from his parents but he’d got half siblings and that’s been...an adjustment  

he was majoring  in  business, but a little bit of his second going into his third year he dropped out due to personal issues. ( we love a toxic messy relationship, first love type of thang ) now he’s a hot shot bartender at the most popular club/bar in the city. it’s working for him. his parents still give him shit for it. so again, that’s caused a bit of an attitude. 

my  baby  is  the  biggest  anime lover  —- if he’s not working, partying or doing other things, he’s watching anime. maybe even drawing and writing poetry. but let’s not talk about that. that’s too deep n soft for jordan kim.

his  label  is THE  OPAQUE ,  which  is  basically  someone  unable to be figured out; hiding behind a facade; not transparent.

the urban dictionary definition of unresolved emotional issues.  he snaps easily and is super defensive 👁👄👁 

but other than that, he’s mostly quiet until u look at him weird

loyal to ambition, retribution, and luck. has two brain cells on a good day, a headass LOL.

he’s got abs.  yes, this is a personality trait.

unfortunately, he was in love and in a toxic ass relationship for a little over 3 years. it pretty much ruined him on the inside, so he’s very closed off when letting romantic feelings or any soft feels in. let’s just say, he hides behind that hurt..maybe even hurts people due to being hurt ( plot idea perhaps ? wink wink )

he might have this whole not transparent vibe, but if he really vibez w someone he’s  the  kind  of  friend  that  will  be  your  ride  or  die,  will  stand  up  for  you  and  take  care  of  you  when  you  need  it

good luck figuring him out yall ;) it’s gonna be a roller coaster ride. 

fun  facts  !

is one hell of a cook  !  so lmao take out who?

aesthetics cassette tapes / players, the color blue, messy hair, ripped jeans, clear skies, tangled headphones, faded polaroids. 80s/90s music/era, denim jackets, hoodies, night walks, when the weather starts turning warmer towards the end of spring, the smell of rain, gaming, cleaning, brunch.

dislikes the ticking of clocks, flying, being cold when he’s sleeping, amusement park rides, soda. bad vibes. liars. 

cat dad. he loves cats so much. 

wanted  connections !

give  me  his  (2)  best  friends !   his  ride  or  dies.

give  me  a sibling-like  friendship  where  he’s  super  protective  over  them !

give  me  an unlikely  friend  —-   they  might  be  polar  opposites,  but  they  somehow  click !

give  me  some  fwbs  !  

give  me  a  connection  with  a  lot  of  angst  !

give  me  a  kind  of  relationship  where  they  think  jordan  is  being  fake  even  though  he’s  not  and  it  causes  tension !

I love that kinda friendship where everyone thinks theyre dating but in truth they arent. (haha jk unless??) 

soft plots ? 

tbh anything !! we can talk about other stuff. just hit me up <3

[avvidstarion]

fallen hero owns my whole ass now. anyway here’s ridley.

(infodump under the cut)

ridley!! i love them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i still can’t figure out how to draw them, but i’ll get there)

ridley is super duper introverted, emotionally distant, and FULL OF ANGER. they’re angry at themself, at the rangers, at the goverment, and at the world. they’re not one to express themself, though, so they kinda just. stew in silence. ortega forced them to start going to therapy, but they just sit there and glare at the doctor for an hour (and occasionally Go Off and give a good ol villain monologue).

they have difficulty with empathy, partially from their upbringing, partially because they’re autisitc, and partially because of their trauma. they have difficulty talking to people (they sign on the days it’s too hard for them to speak). they’re quiet and tend to be more on the serious side, although ortega helps them lighten up and they can be pretty funny when they feel like it (their sense of humor is dry and sarcastic and usually at someone else’s expense, though).

however, even though they’re pretty stand-off ish, they still care deeply about the few friends they have, and they’re very passionate about what they believe in. they’re also pretty compassionate, when they remember to be- they try their best not to hurt innocent people (it still happens, though, but there’s nothing you can do about that). they will however have no issues hurting or killing people they feel deserve it (rich people, politicians, the people who’ve hurt them). 

they love animals and nature, and love going for walks on the beach and in the park. if they had it their way, they’d own a million dogs.

game facts:

their puppet is a man named john! he’s mixed race, has black eyes, and curly hair that’s dyed blue on the top! i’ll draw him eventually. john is ridley’s way of living the life they know they never could have. they hate themself for it, too- see, they tell themself. this is everything you could never be. people like john. he’s normal. people would notice if he went missing. people would come save him.

their villain name is inevitable, because that’s how they feel about the whole situation. they’re a huge believer in destiny and in the butterfly effect and stuff- every is connected and everything that has ever happened to them in life has been leading up to their inevitable fall from grace.

they’re an anarchist! their main goal is taking down the government (and causing a lotta chaos). to them, the government is the first “ripple” in the butterfly effect; everything can be traced back to them, they’re the reason for all of ridley’s pain. so ridley has to destroy them.

i’m still workin on a design for their suit, but it’s black and red and has a lot of sharp edges. and teeth. they want others to feel as terrified as they have their whole life.

theyre more of a fighter than a tactician, and they’re tech-savy. for their armor boosts, they picked telepathy bc duh, and strength bc their fighting style is very physical- they love to punch people, hard. (they’re a boxer). plus, nothing beats the unbridled joy that comes with lifting a car over your head.

relationships in detail:

ridley is super duper in love w ricardo and has been for like. a decade. ricardo has loved ridley back for about the same amount of time, but the two of them have kinda been stuck in that pining stage for eternity (*ridley voice* do you ever yearn?). it’s really hard for ridley to let themself love and be loved (bc. ya know. trauma). plus, they know that eventually someone will have to take them down and kill them, and they want that to be as painless as possible for ricardo (because, let’s be real here, it’ll be him. it would be tragic and poetic and dramatic, just like how ridley likes it). however, the two are still drawn to each other, and they may or may not get together by the end of retribution, i’m still trying to work that out. i like angsty slowburns, ok?

Mortum is John’s best friend, but she doesn’t like or trust ridley. that hurts them a lot, so most of their interaction w mortum is as john. Ridley thinks she’s badass and really really cool! they geek out over tech and stuff together.

lady argent is ridley’s nemesis! to ridley, lady argent represents everything bad about the rangers: she’s cold, corrupt, and not afriad to hurt innocents to make herself/ the rangers look good (like in the fight on the bridge). to lady argent, ridley is mean, unfriendly, and definitely doesn’t deserve the praise they get (she just doesn’t see why everyone likes them so much). however, that’s probably mostly ridley and lady argent over-exaggerating. They hate each other, but there’s grudging respect there, somewhere.

ridley doesn’t know WHAT to do about herald. they used to despise him (he was their replacement, he was likeable and charming and beloved and everything they could never be. but then he opened his mouth and turned out to be an ABSOLUTE sweetheart, and rildey just kinda. melted. they’ve never really had someone who like. looks up to them??? and idolizes them???? ridley really hates themself, so the concept of being someone’s hero really makes them like. short circuit. plus he’s kinda cute and super sweet and ahhhhhhh. they train together. (you KNOW once those polyam routes drop i am diving headfirst into flychargestep)

ridley’s relationship with steel is. complicated. they both regret a lot of what happened before heartbreak (steel especially), and they’re starting to open up more and gain a better understanding with each other. as with all the rangers, though, ridley knows they’ll end up on opposite sides of the battlefield, and that’s most painfully apparent with steel. for now, the two are comfortable with just. watching the dogs play together. not really talking much, but enjoying (?) each other’s presence all the same.

ok, i think that’s all i’m gonna say, for now. if you’ve read this far, thank you for listening to me ramble!!! 

[swanqueeneverafter]

What Dreams May Come, Pt.20

Hook’s Dreamscape. Storybrooke. The Jolly Roger. (While Hook examines Excalibur, Mr. Gold climbs aboard the ship.) Hook: (Sheathing the sword:) “I wasn't sure you'd show.” Mr. Gold: “And miss my chance to take your other hand?” Hook: “No, this won't do. This has to be a fair fight. I can't have your surviving family members blame this loss on your limp.” (Hook uses his Dark One powers to heal Mr. Gold’s leg.) Mr. Gold: (Tossing his cane away:) “It's been centuries since I stood here a mortal.” Hook: “Oh, you mean when I took Milah? I remember thinking that day, what type of sad little man is too afraid to fight for his own wife?” Mr. Gold: “Yeah, well, I'm not afraid anymore. I know I have to fight for the people I love.” Hook: “Don't you mean die for the people you love?” (Draws Excalibur.) Mr. Gold: “We shall see.” (Mr. Gold attacks first and the duel is on. They are pretty evenly matched until Hook side steps Mr. Gold and the older man falls down the steps. Advancing with powerful thrusts, Hook eventually brings Mr. Gold to a knee. Then, suddenly, Mr. Gold thrusts his sword into Hook’s stomach, impaling him.) Hook: “Oh! (Chuckles:) We can do this all day. But until you have Excalibur, it won't make a lick of difference. (Killian uses his hook to cut into Mr. Gold as he pushes him away:) They say the first cut is the deepest. Well, they lied. (Stands over Gold, pointing Excalibur at him:) Well, I have to hand it to you, Crocodile. You lasted a lot longer than I expected. If you'd fought me with such vigor back in the day, I might have given you your wife back.” Darkness: “What are you waiting for, pirate? Finish him.” (Mr. Gold uses Hook being distracted to let loose a sandbag, which hits Hook from above. Mr. Gold grabs Excalibur and stands over Killian.) Hook: “Well, get on with it, Crocodile.” Mr. Gold: “There's nothing I'd like better than to run you through. But I think... I think I'd rather let you live, knowing for the rest of your life that I bested you.” Hook: “Today.” (Hook disappears in a red puff of smoke, while Mr. Gold throws the sword to the ground.)

Storybrooke. Present. Morning. (Awakened by the sunlight pouring through the curtains, Emma groans and rolls over, reaching out a hand for Regina. Feeling only sheets, Emma lifts her head in time to see her wife returning to their room carrying a tray of food.) Regina: (Smiling:) "Breakfast in bed." Emma: "Hey, I should be doing that." Regina: "Well you can get it next time. Here." (Taking the tray, Emma places it at the foot of the bed before helping Regina lower herself back against the pillows.) Emma: (Bringing the tray laden with food back up:) "This looks delicious." Regina: (Smiles:) "Now that neither of us have anywhere to be, I thought I'd do something special." Emma: (Taking a bite of toast:) "Yeah, but now I feel like such a- Ooh, I know. Move over a little." (With some maneuvering, Regina finds herself sitting in the middle of the bed while Emma puts one of her pillows under her feet.) Regina: "Emma, what-" Emma: "Foot rub! The book mentioned something about them." Regina: (Chuckles:) "No, I mentioned it. Several times actually." Emma: "Yeah, well now I'm taking the hint. (Begins massaging the soles of Regina's feet:) Hows that?" Regina: "Wonderful. (Groans:) You know, foot rubs are good for anytime, not just during pregnancy." Emma: "Is that so?" Regina: (Enjoying the attention:) "Mmhmm." Emma: "Great, so you can do mine next." (They share a smile, Regina buttering her own slice of toast.) Regina: "Henry's not home. His bed wasn't slept in either. I'm not sure I like him spending so much time in the dream world. We don't know what he's doing in there." Emma: "I do." Regina: "You do?" Emma: (Casually rubbing her wife's feet:) "Yep. I knew you'd be curious sooner or later, so I asked him." Regina: "And?" Emma: "Well, he didn't tell me any specifics, but he's basically living out his fantasies. Sword fighting, danger, romance, adventure. Being the hero in his own story. Who knows, maybe he finally kissed the girl." Regina: (Sitting up:) "Girl? What girl?" Emma: "Um, well he didn't say anything, but I kinda got the impression there's a girl involved. Hey, relax, it's not like-" Regina: "Start from the beginning. Tell me everything, and keep rubbing." Henry's Dreamscape. Dungeons. The Next Morning. (Ella stands over a still slumbering Henry.) Ella: "Good morning, sunshine." Henry: (Turning towards her:) "Ow. (Holding his head:) Hi." Prisoners: (Also standing over him:) "How are you?" Henry: “Oh, God. Ow.” Ella: “Rough night?” Henry: (Sitting up:) “I don't remember what happened.” Jester: “You said her pretty brain exploded and went all over her face. And you tried to kiss her.” Henry: (Sighs:) “Well, that's the least of our problems. I think I might have ruined our only chance, and now I don't know what to do.”

Gareth: (Entering:) “Good thing I do. (To Richard:) Wake up, sire. We've come to get you out of here.” King Richard: (Rising from his bed:) “Oh, God. (Stands:) Well, I knew you cared.” Gareth: (To guard:) “Take him outside.” King Richard: “This place is horrible.” Ella: “All right, everyone, take only the bare essentials. We can always pick up odds and ends on the road.” Gareth: “None of you are coming, except you.” Henry: “What?” Gareth: “You're coming with me.” Henry: “I'm not going anywhere, not without everyone in here.” Gareth: (Grabbing his arm:) “You don't have a choice, son.” (Quickly, Henry kicks Gareth in the gut, then slams his head into the cell door, knocking him down.) Henry: (To Ella:) “Listen, I remember what I said last night, and I meant every word. I think you're the most wonderful... (Ella kisses him:) I think I'm falling in love.” (Suddenly, Gareth hits him from behind with a chair.) Gareth: (To Ella:) “Nice kiss. I hope he remembers it. Come on, you.” Ella: (As Gareth drags an unconscious Henry from the dungeons:) “Henry, no! Please, Gareth!” Hook's Dreamscape. (Hook stands alone at the edge of the water, staring out at the lake when the Darkness joins him.) Darkness: "So, after spending centuries quelling your bloodlust, you threw yourself right back into that darkness, quite literally, for your chance at revenge. How did it feel? Oh, that's right, you failed. (Giggles:) Even with the power of the Darkness you couldn't get the job done!" Hook: "Quiet!" Darkness: "Oh, no no no, dearie. Now is the time for you to be listening to me. Because you see, if you can't bring yourself to kill your enemy now, in a dream world, where none of it matters, then how can you possibly think you're incapable of change?" Hook: (Turning to him:) "What?" Darkness: "All of this is happening inside your head. You should be able to do whatever you desire. And yet, you couldn't kill your Crocodile. Could it be then, that what you crave more than retribution, is a chance to atone for your past?" Hook: "I can't bring my father back... or David's. Nor any of the countless men I killed on my quest for revenge." Darkness: "No, but there is someone in this world you can help. And, perhaps in doing so, it will allow you to embrace your own future, free from the shadows of your past."

Storybrooke. Present. Heritage Park. (Strolling through the park, Regina and Emma walk hand in hand towards a bench and take a seat. Watching as Regina kicks off her heels and sighs in relief, Emma chuckles.) Emma: "Don't you own any comfortable shoes?" Regina: "What, and have you tower over me more than you already do?" Emma: "It can't be good for you or the baby." Regina: (Curling her toes, wincing:) "It wasn't mentioned in the book." Emma: "Yeah, because the guy probably didn't think anyone was crazy enough to wear heels while pregnant." Regina: "Oh hush. There was no way I was going to visit the leaders of the united realms while wearing Uggs." Emma: "Who the hell cares what shoes you wear?" Regina: "I do." Emma: (Sighs, smiling:) "I don't get why you had to go see them anyway, Snow's in charge now." Regina: (Snorts:) "Emma, please. Letting your mother deal with the day to day running of Storybrooke is one thing, but sending her to speak to other realm leaders is entirely different. One morning spent with the council of Lost Boys and Snow would've signed away half the town to them." Emma: "Hey, mom can be tough when she needs to. She kicked your butt pretty good back in the Enchanted Forest." Regina: "She got lucky." Emma: "Uh huh." Regina: "The point is, now that we've spoken to most of the leaders, it's one less thing for your mother to worry about." Emma: "Sure, and that's why you did it. Nothing at all to do with you being a control freak." Regina: "Well exactly. Mostly." (They laugh.) Emma: "You know, I'm glad we get to take this time for ourselves. I mean, once the baby arrives, we're not gonna have a heck of a lot of down time." Regina: "True. Juggling Henry and work was no picnic, even though having the townspeople under a curse did help a little." Emma: "Yeah, well there'll be two of us to share the load this time. No need to curse anyone." Regina: "Just wait till the 2am feedings, you'll be cursing all right." Emma: (Laughs:) "I'm sure. Until then, I think we both need to learn to let go and relax a little." Regina: "Maybe. But for right now, I need to eat something, I'm starving." Emma: "Hm, me too." Regina: "Any suggestions?" Emma: "Actually, yeah. (With a wave of her hand, Emma transports them to a table outside the Rollin' Bayou food truck:) I thought we could learn from someone who leads her people, but still finds time to do what she enjoys most." Tiana: (Approaching with a tray of fresh beignets:) "Hey guys!" Emma: (As Tiana places the tray on their table:) "Thank you. Tiana, please tell Regina what it's like to rule Wonderland and still find time to follow your passion." Tiana: (Chuckles:) "Well it wasn't easy. Back when I was little, all I ever wanted to do was cook. I worked so hard to start my own business, then when my father died, my mother and I were threatened with losing everything, so my priorities changed." Emma: (Smiling as Regina starts on her second helping:) "So what changed for you?" Tiana: "Family. When Will and Alice came into my life, I realised that I could have it all. I could rule Wonderland alongside Will, who really knew the people, had a connection with them. And while Will was helping, along with my mother, in matters of state, Alice was helping me with my food dream too." Regina: "Point well made, Emma. (To Tiana:) I'm so glad your dream worked out for you, because these are delicious." Tiana: (Smiles, watching Regina pick up her third beignet:) "Thank you, Regina." Emma: (Smirking:) "Do you think I could get one of those?" Regina: (Through a mouthful:) "Only if you're quick." (As Emma quickly takes one from the tray, Tiana turns and heads back to her kitchen to make another batch.)

Henry's Dreamscape. (Henry is thrown down onto the beach.) Henry: "What's this? Where am I?" Gareth: "These pirates will take you and the king back to his kingdom, where he'll be safe.” King Richard: “What? No.” Henry: “I'm not leaving her. I'm going back.” Gareth: (Blocking his path:) “I've left word with my men. You step one foot in that castle and everyone you love gets the ax. No more games, Henry.” King Richard: “Listen, Gareth, I'm moved, but I've made my bed, and for once, I should lie in it.” Gareth: “You get in that boat.” King Richard: “Oh, Gareth. I know you're doing this because you love me.” Gareth: “I don't love you. I don't even like you. No one here likes you, so go.” King Richard: “Well, now you're just being mean to me so I'll go.” Gareth: “You're self-centered, self-absorbed, and you wear too much velvet.” King Richard: “Now you're just going into a lot of specific details, so I'll believe you.” Gareth: “You have a skinny left calf and a crooked...” King Richard: “Okay, okay, fine. I'll go. But you're not fooling anyone.” Gareth: (To Henry:) “Go on. And you.” Henry: “Not one hair.” Gareth: “I give you my word.” Henry: “And know this... I will return for them. Justice will be done.” Gareth: “I'm excited for you, but let me give you a couple of instructions. He can't sleep at night if he ain't got a second pillow to hug. Dairy makes him gassy. And if he gets cross, give him some salty snacks. It's good for his electrolytes. But if one hair on his head gets harmed, I will hunt you down, I will gut you, and I will use your skin as a lap blanket. Do you understand?” Henry: “We have a deal. (Gareth and Henry clasp each other’s forearms in a warrior’s handshake. He turns, walking towards the boat where Richard is already seated:) So who’s captaining this vessel anyway?” Hook: (Revealing himself for the first time:) “Why, that’d be me, lad.” Henry: (Shocked:) “Hook? How did you get here?” Hook: “There’ll be plenty of time for explanations later. (To the crew:) All right, shove off, me hearties.” Pirates: “Arrr!” Gareth: (Watching from shore as they sail away:) ♪ Good night, my friend ♪ Kingdom of Valencia. Throne Room. (Queen Madelena and Kingsley enter as several guards hurry back and forth.) Queen Madelena: “What in God's name is going on here?!” Guard: “Henry and King Richard have gone. We don't know where they are.” Kingsley: “Find them or I'll eat your firstborn for breakfast.” Queen Madelena: (As Gareth enters:) “He's behind this. I know it. Where have you been?” Gareth: “I'm sorry, milady, I must have slept in.” Queen Madelena: “Oh, really? Well, why don't you help yourself wake up by going down to the dungeon and killing everyone who's left?” Gareth: “Okay. It will be my pleasure.” Courtyard. (Gareth opens the doors, leading Ella and the other prisoners to safety.) Gareth: “Okay, here's the plan. One of you is gonna knock me out and take my keys.” Ella: “What? You're not going to kill us?” Gareth: “I keep my promises, and I promised your little lover boy that I'd take care of you. So who's first? Come on. (One by one, the remaining prisoners to knock out Gareth, without success. Sighs:) Just take the keys and go.”

Storybrooke. Present. (It’s early morning and Emma and Regina are driving in the rain to their next doctors appointment.) Emma: “Ugh. Why did we have to get an appointment so early?” Regina: “Because it won’t be as busy at the hospital and it’s our best chance that Whale won’t be drunk yet.” Emma: “We really need another doctor.” Regina: “Well maybe your mother can add that to her list of-” (Suddenly, Emma slams on the brakes to avoid hitting a knight on a horse at the intersection.) Emma: (Rolling down her window, shouting:) “I had right of way, jackoff!” Regina: “Maybe Grumpy had a point after all.” (Just then, she looks up sees a man standing at the corner of the street. Regina cannot believe her eyes.) Regina: “Daniel?” (She closes her eyes. When she opens them again, Daniel is gone.) Emma: “Are you all right?” Regina: “I-I’m fine. Let’s go.” Henry’s Dreamscape. Kingdom Of Valencia. Throne Room. (Gareth returns to the throne room, where Kingsley and Madelena await him.) Queen Madelena: “Gareth, did you kill everyone who needed to be killed?” Gareth: “No, milady.” Kingsley: “What kind of kingdom are you running here? (Stands and approaches Gareth:) A henchman that doesn't kill, a queen who does nothing about it. (Draws his sword:) This place has gone soft...” (These words turn out to be Kingsley’s last, as he is literally stabbed in the back by Madelena.) Queen Madelena: (Wiping her dagger clean:) “Turns out he wasn't my type. (Gareth takes the sword from Kingsley’s cold, dead hand:) You just got a promotion. (Indicating the throne next to her:) Sit.” Gareth: (Taking his seat:) “You're gonna have to either lose or gain a lot of weight.” (Madelena smiles and they both watch as Kingsley’s body is carried out of the room.)

[dcbicki]

I'm sorry to double dip but could you do danxamy for 14 and Jonsa for 6? Those are my two fave pairings!

I did the Dan/Amy one, but (if you’re still interested) could you send me a different message for the J/S one - it makes things easier to post? Also, I love how this was supposed to be a ‘few short paragraphs’ meme but I went over 3k words with this… Enjoy! :)

14. Things you said after you kissed me | Post-s6, in which Amy is ready to give birth, and Dan’s feelings are semi-ready to express themselves.

-

“If I find even one picture of this on that phone, you’re a dead man.”

“Ah, come on, Amy,” He starts, grins - that prick! - and then he’s scrolling through what she can only guess is a new photo album on his fucking iPhone. “Don’t you wanna have something memorable to show people, to commemorate this joyous occasion?”

She can’t tell if he’s fucking with her, or if this is actually all just a part of his stupid fucking plan.

“I think the probable sociopath I’m squeezing out of my fucking vagina is gonna be enough of a souvenir, thanks.” Her teeth grit and she’s frowning, reaching for something to hold onto other than the railing of the hospital bed.

She’ll commemorate this joyous occasion by chopping his balls off and force-feeding them to him through a tube. That sounds like a pretty solid revenge scheme right now.

“Dan! Can you just put the fucking phone down and get me some ice chips? For fuck’s sake.”

Amy doesn’t notice the two cups already on the side, chips melting. So, he just smiles, picks one up and hands it to her. There, hold that.

She doesn’t though – instead she finds herself grasping at his shirt, knuckles whiter than usual, face a pretty picture of sheer agony, “You’re gonna pay for this, you dick.”

“So you’ve said.” He’s rolling his eyes, and he laughs (because he’s not the one forcing an infant through his genitals) like the asshole she knows him to be.

And then he smirks, because he’s Dan, because he can, “You can only kill me so many times, you know?” The threat count is probably nearing the two hundred mark at this point.

Apparently, within the next couple hours, she’s castrating him with children’s craft scissors, gauging his eyes out with bendy plastic spoons, ripping his hair right from his scalp with just her bare hands, carving out his shrivelled up black heart and proceeding to feed his carcass to a pack of wild dogs. Oh, and she’s gonna feed him his ballsack through a fucking tube. Whether that’s pre or post heart failure, he isn’t sure.

Sure thing, Ames.

“I still get to torture you beforehand.”

“True. But you know I’d just consider that brutal foreplay.”

“Oh, fuck off.” She’d let go of his shirt sometime in the past minute, and her palm is wrapped so tightly around the frame she’s sure, he’s sure it will snap. Fuck, it’ll probably shatter.

Dan looks over at her then, (attempts to) run a hand through over-gelled hair, phone finally shoved inside his back pocket, “D'you want me to leave? I can just wait in the hall. I mean, I’ve got some calls to make and-”

Yeah, Dan, you’re not good with hospitals or empathy, I know.

“You’re staying right here.” Her blue eyes are like frozen blocks of ice, and her lips draw thin, cheeks puffing as her face flushes, neck tenses. “You’re gonna stand there, and only there, and you’re gonna hold my fucking hand like the nice man your mom thinks she raised.”

He nods, complies, shuffles forward so he’s leaning over the side of the railing. Even when she’s sat and he’s slouched, he still towers over her, still doesn’t loom. What kinda bullshit-

“Okay.” Dan sighs, adds, “Your mom’s outside, by the way.” As though that will get her to change her mind.

Oh, yes, Dan. Yes! Go get my mom, and you can wait in the hall with fucking Gary! That’ll make you happy, won’t it? Go!

“Well, then, that’s where she’ll stay.” She huffs out, eyes closed since he agreed to stay. Her head’s thrown back, blonde hair askew, face pink, lips plump. God, he wants to fucking straighten her hair. She isn’t her.

“Really?” He frowns anyway, confusion clear across his face, “Don’t you want some other woman here? I thought that was like a… thing.” His nose crinkles, “What about your sister?”

He doesn’t quite understand why she wants him here, especially with her mother right outside and she’s always seemed closer to her than anybody else in her family. Hell, Gary’s probably better suited for this kind of thing than he is - he’s into all that feminine crap, right? And he’s just-

Well, he wasn’t even all that great when they went for checkups. He just sat there in the chair and smugly grinned like an asshole whenever the doctor pointed at the screen, at the bean-sized, peanut-sized, melon-sized spawn of his that Amy was incubating.

Come to think of it, he’s not even sure he’s ready for the little bugger to be born yet. Then again, him not ready being ready isn’t the worst thing. Amy’s the one having to do all the work.

Push, scream, push, push, scream, cry, push, sweat, cry, sweat, scream.

Hopefully, she doesn’t die. Hopefully, she won’t leave him alone with a newborn. That would be some serious fucking divine retribution right there. Dan, you take this. You deal with it. Have fun, fucker.

“That’s not a fucking thing, and if you ever fucking bring up Sophie again, I swear to God I will have you murdered in your sleep.”

He’s brought back then, all wide-eyed and lost-looking.

With a sigh, he concedes. He is the father. (Wow, that’s fucking weird.) He’s the one who did this to her, with her. He’s the one who fucked her, and subsequently fucked them both over.

“Nah, you wouldn’t.” He glances down at Amy, raises one eyebrow pointedly in that way she really, really, truly fucking detests, “You wouldn’t deprive yourself of that pleasure.”

His gaze shifts to the door then as it swings open, allowing Amy’s (midwife? obstetrician? fuck knows!) doctor to walk through. A nurse follows, and Dan catches a quick glance of Amy’s mom talking to Gary in the waiting room.

Are they deciding which one of them is going to watch over the kid first so that Amy can catch some sleep, and Dan can go home and change out of his day-old shirt? He’s actually surprised that, for once, Gary isn’t at Selina’s side like a fucking half-turtled turd.

Amy’s been here for fucking hours – all bed-ridden and shit in a sweaty dull-coloured hospital gown, and (truth be told) he’s still pretty pissed about the blue balls she’d left with him earlier. (Granted, she went into labour, but still.)

Going home to stroke one out might actually come in handy. Pun fully intended, he grins. Just as long as he doesn’t catch a view of her child-baring vag beforehand-

“How are we feeling?”

He’s flicking open the chart the nurse hands him - Dan’s forgotten his name because it was some European-sounding bullshit and he had more important stuff to do than learn it - and he smiles up at Amy, all red hair and freckles and glasses.

“Just tell me if I’m fucking dilated.” Amy writhes on the bed, focuses her attention on the patterned ceiling, and Dan’s damn sure she’s gonna pull a fucking Exorcist in a minute and start levitating. It doesn’t look comfortable. Maybe Mike hadn’t been lying about his surrogate’s birthing story, after all.

The doctor shoves his glasses up his nose, snaps the chart shut and smiles (like a fucking teenage boy who’s gonna get his first upfront look at a woman’s privates).

He leans forward, does his thing (and Dan watches him out of the corner of his eye because focusing on that is a little more personal than he’s willing to get right now, or ever.)

He’d rather not see some guy - trained professional or not - put his hands anywhere near Amy’s crotch. (Unless it’s in a mirror… and he’s the guy.)

“Looks like I was right on time. You’re just about ten centimetres.”

The blonde sits up in her bed then, neck muscles still tense, shoulders raised and bony, “So the little fucker’s finally ready to come out?”

“Amy.”

“I can… start pushing?” She corrects herself with a sigh, half-ignores Dan’s burning stare. Fuck you.

“Seems so.”

She briefly relaxes then, lets herself fall back for only a moment, but then another contraction hits her again, only it’s worse this time, and Dan’s hand is actually there for her to hold and bruise and fuckin’ crush. Jesus, woman!

“Whenever you’re ready.”

“If we’re waiting for that, the kid’s never coming out.”

It’s intended as a joke, but Amy just tightens her hold around Dan’s hand, waiting until his knuckles crack before finally softening her grip.

Prick.

He holds up his other hand (semi-apologetically given the proud look on his face) before lowering it down to the side of the bed, wrapping it around the metal post and leaning closer to her.

“Okay. Push.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Just fuckin’ push, Amy.” He sounds ticked off, worked up, “Jesus, it’s not hard.”

Despite herself, she finds herself reassured when his hand reaches for her own, and then she’s going for it.

-

Turns out, it’d been harder than he thought it would be.

That epidural – no, those two epidurals – clearly hadn’t done shit because she was still in pain throughout, and her body was on the brink of a fucking collapse. Maybe that’s just what happens though. How the fuck is he supposed to know? He didn’t even wanna be here for this until she roped him, forced him into it.

Watching Amy Brookheimer give birth (to his child) hadn’t ever been on his bucket list, and now, he notes, there’s a reason that was. The whole thing had been brutal. She screamed, in his face, into his shirt. She cried, in his arms, into his shirt. She sweated, like a fuckload.

She’d been all red and warm and horrifically in pain, and Dan’s pretty sure he’s going to picture her mid-labour face whenever he’s holding himself back from coming from now on.

At least now she’s calmer, and quieter, and she’s finally fuckin’ let go of his hand. Honestly, childbirth turned out to be much more of a team sport than he’d thought it would be. He didn’t think he’d ever have to be someone’s punching bag, or actual fucking support system, so that was an experience.

At least now she looks like herself, and her blonde hair is straight again because she (post-labour, of course) practically assaulted a nurse until they gave her a hairbrush. Type A, confirmed.

At least now, he can run his hands through pretty, long, straight blonde hair and grab it, tug it, pull it. Maybe once she’s out of here, and he’s changed out this bloody tear-stained, snot-ridden sweaty mess of a striped shirt, they could-

Honestly, she’s really fucking glowing and he’s kind of enjoying it. Is she supposed to look this fuckable after just giving birth? He’s probably a mess himself, all bruised knuckles from her death grip, and aching legs from standing up for so long. Oh, well.

Their son is born at a healthy weight, with blueing grey eyes and a patch of light dark hair atop his head. But he’s all gunky and gooey and just plain fucking gross, so the nurse takes him away to be cleaned up when Amy’s had just about a minute with him.

He was actually kind of… cute? Fuck, she hates that word.

Cute in a way that meant if she stared at him for too long, she’d fucking vomit. Cute in a way that meant he was cuter than most babies – but then again, that’s just their genetics.

“You did great.” Dan’s grinning (again, like a dickhead), “You know that, right?”

“Doesn’t feel like it.”

“I’m serious.”

It’s not the first time he’s complimented her skills, competence. But it’s a strange kind of sincerity, one with a little more meaning, depth behind it than she’s used to receiving from him, from anyone.

Pushing herself up on both palms, her back aches as she stretches, props herself up into a comfier position against some square pillows. It’s not soothing, though, and she has to readjust the shitty cushions behind her to find some kind of comfort. She’s fucking sat on one, and it’s doing nothing to alleviate the pain she’s feeling down below.

“When do you think I can leave?”

She wants to be working, walking about, running around, doing things. Being cooped up in a hospital bed is not fun, is not productive, is not rewarding. Granted, she can still talk and call and email but it’s not the same as being up and about, out where the action is, where she’s actually useful.

Dan gets to leave whenever he likes. Dan doesn’t have to remain on bedrest for an undetermined amount of time. Dan doesn’t have to deal with a sore vagina and everything else that entails. Dan is a man, got the ‘get out of jail free’ card when she drew the one that forces her to take five places back.

Dick, she scowls.

“Probably tonight. That nurse said there weren’t any complications so we can probably go home later.” He reasons, shrugs as though it’s nothing major. Dick.

“We?” Amy lifts a brow, sniffles, “You can go home already, you know.”

“What, you think I’m just gonna fuckin’ leave you here?” Dan stares down at her, runs one hand along the cool railing, “Jesus Christ, Amy, you just had my kid. Even I’m not that fuckin’ cold.” He almost looks appalled at the idea – he’s desperate to leave though, to go home. Fuck it, he’s half-tempted to pack her bag, get her dressed, grab the baby and make a run for it.

“I’m just saying, you don’t have to wait for me-”

“Shut the fuck up.” His head ducks, eyes closing. What the fuck is he doing?

“I can have my mom bring me back to the apartment later. It s fine-” Because she’s still here, because Grandma B likes being involved in all things Baby Brookheimer-Egan related, because she’s just that kind of person. At least they’ll have someone to babysit for them that isn’t hired or fucking Gary.

“Amy, seriously. Shut up.”

“Why?” She smirks, figures she can get a rise out of him and whatever the fuck he’s trying to conceal. Is that… fucking emotion, some kind of weird display of fucking devotion? What- “Or Gary. It’s not like he has anything better to do anyway, other than trim Selina’s nails or wipe her ass.”

“You’re not going home with Gary. For fuck’s sake, Amy. Is it so hard for you to just shut your fucking mouth every once in awhile?”

You getting worked up there, Danny?

He sighs (deeply, strangely), and then he’s leaning down and kissing her before she can even say anything else, anything at all.

It’s a weird kiss, different from their normal, their usual. There’s no tongue shoved down her throat (which she almost sadly longs for), no hand on her neck (which is oddly irritating), no hair-pulling or shirt-tugging (which she really fucking craves).

It’s just a kiss on her lips (soft, surprisingly bland yet somehow charming), and then it’s over.

“What the fuck?” She exclaims when he’s pulled back, scratching the space between dark furrowed brows. “What, did you develop some kind of sappy dad hormones as soon as the fucking baby started kicking and screaming?”

“No, I-” He begins, shifts his gaze from the white sheet of her hospital bed to her face, all pink lips and flushed face. “I don’t know, Amy. Fuck!”

He doesn’t know why he kissed her - like that - save for the fact that he wanted to (almost desperately), so he did. Fuck, he feels feverish. He’s flushed, more than she is, has been, and he doesn’t understand why. His breathing is faster than it was a moment ago, and he wants nothing more than to take that kiss back.

“Sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Amy leans back against her pillows, hitches up the bottom of her gown and stretches out her legs. “Fuck.” Her eyes close and she swallows a breath, way too calm for his liking.

Why isn’t she on edge? Why isn’t she begging to be let out of this room? Why isn’t she bribing nurses?

Why isn’t she Amy?

“You know I like you, right?”

“You like me?” She grins despite her eyes remaining closed, and her neck reddens, “Wow, Dan. What a revelation.”

“As in, I like you more than I like anybody else.” Dan shrugs (for no good reason), and he clears his throat with one hand smoothing along the bed railing, “As in, I say I like you, but it’s more than that, and you know it.”

“Oh, I do? Because you’ve made it so blatantly obvious over the years?” She laughs, once, practically hiccups. “Sure, Dan. You like me like that.”

His fingers dance along the thin mattress, curling around the hem of her gown, all pale skin and pastel blue cloth.

Why is she Amy?

“You never wondered why I stayed?”

“Because you think you’re getting something out of this.” She reasons, peeks one eye open and looks at him, flicks both eyes open when she notices his frown. “Jesus Christ, why do you look like someone just reported you as a sex offender? Sort your face out.”

“I mean, you’re not wrong.” He nods. He did get sex out of this. He did get Amy out of this, in some way, in some capacity. He did get a mini version of himself out of this, and his narcissistic ass kind of really loves that part of the deal. “Not entirely.”

“Oh, go on.” Amy smiles, “What am I missing? Why did you stay?”

“Because it’s you.”

Why is she Amy?

Because if she wasn’t, he wouldn’t be Dan.

“Is this the part where I swoon, and you get down on one knee, and the whole hospital staff applauds when I agree to marry you?” She’s smirking - that bitch! - and she licks her lips, holds her breath for a second.

“Is this where we elope and move to the suburbs and fuck maybe once every three months and I don’t let you finish?” Biting her lip, “Is this where you say you love me?”

She drags out that word, and Dan’s face near drowns of all colour. Fuck her.

“You’re a real cunt, you know that?”

She just nods, sheepish, lets the hand in her lap move to brush against his own, toying with her blue gown, “You love this cunt.”

“I do.” His palm runs along her stomach, stops just above the space between her legs. “And you love this dick.”

Amy smiles, ducks her head, understands him straight away yet doesn’t exactly deny it, “Fuck you.”

“Oh, believe me, you will. I’m just waiting until we can leave and they clear you for sex.”

“You’re seriously fucking turned on by this, aren’t you? That’s some next level, twisted mommy-issue shit right there, Dan.”

“Babe, the only mommy I’m thinking about right now is you.”

“If you start calling yourself ‘daddy’, I swear your balls are getting the chop.”

“Daddy Egan?” He boasts, beams.

“Just my luck.”

[kaesaaurelia]

from your fic "never a lovely so real" - what did you think about when you wrote the first sans fight?

This got LONG AS FUCK, so it’s behind a cut.  For reference, this is in response to the DVD commentary meme:

Sans’ countdown: 5, 4, pi, e, 2, square root of 2, 1, 0.

I had this in my head for like months, to the point where I would be out doing an errand for work grinning like a maniac, and trying to figure out if I should come up with a constant between five and four.  I also kept trying to fit i in because Euler’s identity is neat, but that just isn’t how countdowns work.

Belmont takes his barrier down and Asgore throws his trident.  It whizzes right past the personal barrier Corcoran has thrown up.

“You missed,” says Corcoran, sounding baffled and a little disappointed.

“Oh, no,” says Asgore.  "I jammed the door behind you.“  He conjures another trident, and throws it at the door towards the rest of the building.  "Now no one can leave.”

I really really wanted something to echo Asgore’s shattering of the Mercy button, since that’s such an oh shit moment in his fight, and it’s also pretty important that Asgore was Sans’ original boss and there’s a hell of a lot Toriel doesn’t know about any of this.

I think this is as good a time as any to stop for a couple stories about Papyrus, don’t you?  I mean, what kind of wacko wants to hear all about all this depressing violent bullshit I’ve been talking about?

Don’t give me that look, buddy.

So!  Let’s talk about my brother.

When I first wrote this bit, I was genuinely not sure what kind of reception this would get, given that by now a lot of people were really really looking forward to seeing Sans kick some ass.  But Sans-as-narrator has motivations that don’t always jive with my motivations as someone who just wants to tell a story, and this is a part of the story that he’d want to stall for as long as possible, partly because he’s horrified by his abilities, and partly because he’s ashamed of what he’s done with them.  I’ll skip doing commentary on the Papyrus backstory stuff here, unless someone else wants me to do that, but suffice to say Sans always seems more comfortable talking about Papyrus than himself.

So, where was I?

Oh, right, this asshole.  I blip to stand on the ceiling as soon as everything goes topsy-turvy.  There’s a brutal snap as Noyes makes contact with the ceiling headfirst, and he lies there at the top of the room in a limp pile.  It’s too bad, because that means no more Noyes puns.  Noyes will be silent forever.

I have so. many. notes. on who was killed when and how and by whom, in which scene, for this whole jailbreak plot arc, so by this scene I was really happy to be working with only two students and Corcoran.  Having some cannon fodder was really important, though, because I had long since reasoned that for a fight scene with Sans’ powers to be interesting and not just impressive, to really show them off, you either have to have a character who can reset – not an option in this case – or a fairly worthy opponent.  So I erred on the side of making Corcoran’s barrier magic more powerful, but I also really wanted to make sure Sans had a couple of other people to pick off first, to represent those first few times someone tries to fight Sans and gets instantly killed.

“He shot at everyone who tried to leave!” says Fullerton.  He struggles and gets up, but I think I see him grab something first.  Nice try, but no dice.

“Yeah, I guess you got a good point, kid,” I say.  "C'mere and get your hall pass and you can go back to school, no harm done.  We’ll shake on it.“  I walk over, real casual, and hold out my hand.  But when he draws Corcoran’s gun, I’m ready.  As six long bones pierce his stomach and chest, his body jerks backwards and he staggers and falls.

And obviously this is the part where Sans offers fake-mercy.

“How are you doing this?” he demands.  He jumps, experimentally, and falls back to the wall.  "This is the wall.  If I broke through the wall would I fall to the ground, or –“

Partly this is just an excuse for the barrage of horrible gravity puns Sans unleashes but I’m gonna be honest, if someone was breaking the laws of physics while they killed me I’d be damn curious how they were doing it.

the old stories call ‘em “grotesques,” but Dr. Gaster and me always called ‘em blasters

I think in canonverse Undertale fic, Gaster is usually the originator of Gaster blasters, but since I wanted Papyrus to have a blaster (per canon hints) and since Papyrus is neither related to Sans or Gaster, nor was he involved in the mad science/time travel shenanigans, it kind of had to be a general skeleton thing.  I’m still kind of figuring out my backstory for the blasters/grotesques, but I’m kind of thinking of them as something that most skeletons are capable of, in varying degrees, but they rarely bother to learn to do it.

He’s got his barrier up before it hits, and when I call the blaster off, he looks relieved – until his barrier goes a sickly purple color and starts to flicker.  He’s looking as tired as I’m starting to feel; he’s breathing heavy, and his hair’s plastered to his skull with sweat.  I kinda suspect his barriers ain’t up to the usual abuse.

I mean, Corcoran being the purple soul and all, I had to work Karmic Retribution into it somehow, it being one of two purple mechanics.  (The other one, Muffet’s webs, are kiiind of referenced in Corcoran getting tangled up in wires, although I don’t remember if I actually meant to do that?  Let’s pretend I meant to do that.)

Then, out of the corner of my eyesocket, I notice – oh hell.  Sellers is creeping up, holding Noyes’ pipe wrench, and before I can tell him to stop he throws it at Corcoran’s head.  Of course it bounces right off his barrier, hard, and goes flying into the air.  Fortunately I duck before it knocks me out.  "Nope!“ I say, pulling him back with magic.  Corcoran rewards his incredibly stupid ingenuity by trying to fry us both, and it’s all I can do to blip out of the way of that flame.  "Go find something to hide behind, kid, you’re a danger to yourself and others,” I snap.

“I had to do something!” says Sellers.  "Everyone else is doing something!“

“Everyone else is a goddamn moron.  Go!” I say, waving at him.

OKAY SO THIS PART.  I remember writing this in the Yulechat IRC and consulting my notes and being like “wait, what is Sellers doing?”  While Marty Szczepanski is not like, Mr. Self-Sacrificing, as written, I figured he’d be feeling kind of inadequate with all these weird magic things going on – even the useless-seeming Belmont has magic, and is working together with always-anxious Alphys, and he’s just not doing anything.  So I decided that it’d be totally justified to have Sellers sit this one out but I just didn’t see him sitting it out.

The other thing you might notice, if you read it as soon as I posted it – I changed the dialogue, and I still kind of wince at this.  The dialogue was originally Everyone else is a schmuck – schmuck, in the circles I’m in now, is a casual mild insult for a useless dumbass.

But see, then I sat down to watch one of the Presidential Debates with my grandmother, and she called one of the, uh, esteemed candidates a schmuck, and she pretty much spat the word, and then she apologized to me for using such language.  And I remembered that in Yiddish it technically means “penis” but more accurately means “dick, but not just any dick, the most festering puss-filled godawful worthless dick you can think of, what a fucking asshole, I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire, that’s the kind of dick he is.”

Sans would probably not have known this at my age – his mother was vaguely Jewish in a secular way – but after years working in Vaudeville BOY HOWDY WOULD HE KNOW IT, probably because using That Word onstage probably got him banned from somewhere.  (Also, Alphys’ family is actualfax Jewish and probably so are the Blooks.  I hemmed and hawed about including this in the fic, but y’know what, fuck it.)

Corcoran’s not standing anymore.  He’s on his knees, still breathing, but clearly having a hard time of it.  His white coat is now blackened and charred.  His skin also blackened in places; in others it’s a livid red.  "I – I’ve changed my mind, I can, I can help you, I, I, stop, please!“  He throws his hands up wildly, and manages to stand and stagger backwards a few steps.  "Patience!  Please!  You can’t – you can’t let him –”

I actually initially had Corcoran give in to death, but that seemed wrong, and then I remembered he’s the fucking soul of Perseverance and will continue at all costs.  I honestly feel bad for Corcoran for reasons that probably aren’t clear from the fic just yet, but suffice to say he hasn’t had any enjoyment of life in a long, long time.  And yet.

“I could be useful!” says Corcoran.

“Can you believe this guy?” I ask Asgore.

Asgore doesn’t say anything, but he looks very doubtful.

“Well, I don’t,” I say.

I was a bit anxious about writing Asgore in this scene, I guess – I hope I conveyed both that in Toriel’s absence, Sans kind of considers him to be in charge (until Sans has a better idea), but also that Asgore really does not want to be making decisions to kill people anymore and would rather Sans made up his own mind.

All that’s survived untouched are his ankles and feet, which is just disconcerting enough that I briefly consider wasting magic to fix that.

[…]

“Well, I guess that’s gotta be good enough, we can’t exactly wait around for the coroner, huh?”

OKAY IS IT JUST ME, or is that part at the beginning of the Wizard of Oz, with the Wicked Witch of the East’s feet sticking out from under the house just really disconcerting?  Also how cool would it be to have a singing Munchkin coroner around to declare people officially dead when they get houses dropped on them?  Like, not cool if you personally had a house dropped on you but tbh if I had a house dropped on me I’d be too dead to mind the singing, so I’d have no objections.

…….So, anyway.  This image is probably a combination of too many Wizard of Oz viewings and my having only recently read waaaay too many Search And Rescue Woods stories on r/nosleep, wherein the author is fond of saying “and we only ever found half an inch of his kneecap and his left ring finger!”

“Um.  Can we.  Can we cut his head off and stuff his mouth with garlic?  I just want to be sure.”

I would like to remind you that they never got a chance to do this.

“My mom woulda been so pissed off if she ever knew,” I said.  "Conforming to speciesist stereotypes and all that.“

She snorts, to my surprise.  "I think my parents would have a few things to say about my career choice as well.”

There is… backstory here, for both of them.  In Sans’ case, his mother was pretty concerned that Sans did not present himself seriously enough and that no one would take him seriously in the real world.  Never in her life would she have expected him to become a mob hitman, but in the present/future of this ‘verse, there are still a lot of really negative stereotypes about monsters, and skeletons in particular, and she has had to face a ton of them in her own job – she works in tech – so she tried very hard to make sure Sans didn’t give people the wrong impression.  They didn’t have the easiest relationship.

In Patience’s case, she came of age in the ’60s, and so she had to work very hard to convince her parents to send her to college in the first place.  She was very smart, and very ambitious, and very, very idealistic, and extremely naive, and they worried a lot about her – a girl! alone! in the city! – getting mugged or falling in with the “wrong crowd,” although by that they were probably thinking, like, hippies, not organized crime.

[conversationswithhank]

Molly: ICECREAM!

Hank: Hey, why does she got ice cream?

Me: (frustrated) Because she is my karmic retribution and therefore never stops talking and I need her to be quiet for this conversation and if I have to listen to Frozen songs one more time I will burst a blood vessel.

Pai: Feel better?

Me: (deep breath)

Pai: So, what happened?

Hank: Mom looked at my YouTube browser history and she saw that I have been watching inappropriate videos.

Pai: What kind of inappropriate?

Hank: Grand Theft Auto videos.

Pai: And is that all?

Hank: (sheepish) No.

Me: Hank also watched a series of parody videos, about ten, where all cursing was bleeped, but all were way too mature for him.  Kinda BuzzFeed-Ish about dating and dating apps and college and parties. The comedy was super sarcastic and just no. (shaking my head at Hank disappointed) No.

Pai: Hank, did you know the videos you have been watching were inappropriate?

Hank: Yes.

Pai: And you chose to watch them anyway?

Hank: Yes.

Me: What I want to know is what you thought you had to gain? What was the payoff? Was it worth it to watch those gaming and parody videos? You know I check your history. I have told you that. Did you think I wouldn’t find out? Be honest.

Hank: (mumbling) I was going to delete the browser history.

Me: Come again?

Hank: (speaking clearly) I was going to delete the browser history.

Me: Oh.

Pai: Henrique José, you forget I have a masters degree in Computer Science. I could have put things into place that would guarantee that deleting the bowser history would have made no difference. I could have been spying on you. Did you think of that?

Hank: No.

Pai: And do you want to know why you didn’t think of that?

Hank:

Pai: It is because you trust me and up until today your mother and I have trusted you. When there is trust between people there is a greater level of freedom. When trust is broken it is one of the hardest things on earth to gain back. You have broken your mother and I’s trust and you have admitted you were prepared to lie to us. This is a first. This is a big deal.

Hank: (calm, hanging his head)

Pai: We have given you a TON of freedom on the internet.

Me: TONS.

Pai: But now you have proven with your actions and with your intentions that you cannot be trusted. We are disappointed in you. How do you feel? I think your mother’s question is important. Was it worth it? Was watching those Grand Theft Auto videos worth it?

Hank: I don’t know. I don’t think so.

Me: Why did you do it then?

Hank: Because I wanted to? Because I didn’t think it was a big deal?

Me: Even though it is a hard and fast rule in this house: No Grand Theft Auto? I don’t like the premiss of that game: stealing and violence. I know you always say you wish you could get out of the car in your other driving games and you could in Grand Theft Auto, but you get out of the car to steal and beat people up and all sorts of other violent acts.

Hank: (trying to dig himself out of the hole he has dug) And finance. You get out of the car to complete missions to take care of your finances. A lot of the game is about fiscal responsibility.

Me: Don’t make me pray right now, Hank. (eyes closed, hands raised in surrender) Don’t you even begin to get smart with me, mister. I will show you a crime circuits’ fiscal responsibility up close and personal. DON’T MAKE ME INTRODUCE YOU TO REAL LIFE. You are nine and since the day you were born I have had to fight with you about staying a child for a long as possible. Trust me you do not want to grow up yet. You think you do, but you don’t. There is nothing fun about the life portrayed in that stupid game.

Hank: (meek) All my friends play it.

Me: Who? AND name one of them under the age of 12.

Hank: My colleagues at school. All the boys. And some of them play it with their DADS!

Me: AND do they live in this house? Am I their mother?

Hank: No.

Me: That’s what I thought.

Pai: To get back on track. Hank, you were given a lot of freedom because we trusted you to respect our boundaries and talk to us when you happened upon something that was inappropriate but maybe gave you questions about life like these adult parody videos. These topics (gesturing to the phone and the browser history), did you understand any of these?

Hank: Not really.

Me: When you have questions about adult life: Dating, Parties, Kissing, Drinking, Drugs, Fiscal Responsibility etc.

Hank: (giggling then choking back the giggle realizing now is not the time to think his mother is funny)

Me: We want to think you can ask us those questions and if not us then you have a hoard of other people who love you whom you can speak to: Prima, Maria Miguel, Ana Santana, Ana, Euclides, Ricardo, Braulio, your Tio Daniel. Most of this humor I don’t want you to model. This kind of humor is based on sarcasm and stereotypes and I am fighting the world for you to be you, just as you are, and for you to be strong enough to not change or compromise yourself for anyone.

Pai: So here is the bottom line and then I will let your mother explain the punishment for your actions. We have learned that you are not ready yet to have absolute freedom on the internet. This is perfectly natural. YOU ARE NINE. We are disappointed in your choices over the last couple days, but we see why you were tempted by these videos and we are here to talk to you about it. You have always been fascinated by Grand Theft Auto and we can understand how our rules about no violent or killing games in this house differs from your colleagues at school and we are proud about how maturely and calmly you are talking to us about this.

Hank: I cried earlier, Pai. I cried when mom asked for my phone, because I knew I was breaking the rules and that I was getting caught.

Pai: I am also proud of you for admitting how far you were going to take the freedom we had given you. Admitting you intended to deceive us by deleting your YouTube history was important. Thank you for your honesty. Your mother and I now understand we have to monitor you more and sadly trust you less. Joy?

Me: Hank, you are nine. What happened today I expected of you when you turn 12, 13, 14, 15. You will learn to lie to your parents. You will learn to deceive us or lie by omission, meaning lying by not saying anything at all when you know you should. You will. All kids do eventually, but they don’t start when they are nine.

Hank: (hanging his head wounded)

Me: We see our part in this situation and for that we apologize. We were lazy and I hope you chose the right things to rebel with because for the foreseeable future this house is officially 1989.

Hank: What?

Me: When I was nine I had books and paper to write stories and make drawings on. I spent far too much time alone in the woods catching frogs and making elaborate fantasy worlds with my friend Quinn Hazen and so for the foreseeable future this house is officially 1989. There is no internet for you. No smart phone. No television until someone else is watching it and invites you to join in. You can use all electronics at school and read a book on my Kindle and do your extra credit online school work but we will be with you at all times. You can check your email by asking me to use my computer, but other than that your punishment for breaking our rules online is to entertain yourself.

Hank:

Pai: Just like we had to do when we were nine.

Me: You must entertain yourself from now on.  No one is going to do it for you and if you even ONCE complain about boredom I will make you sweep the entire house and THEN get on your knees like Cinderella and scrub the floors of this house with a bucket and a rag. That is your punishment. Do you understand?

Hank: It is 1989.

Me: I will get you stacks of library books and you have a huge bookcase full to entertain you. You can play board games and learn to shuffle cards.

Pai: You have a little sister to play with, you can help us cook, you can take music lessons…

Me: You can ride your bike in the courtyard, you can take up the yoyo, but you complain to me one time only once about having nothing to do (threatening) and I will give you something to do.

Hank: I sweep the floors and scrub like Cinderella.

Me: Each and every time.

Pai: You will no longer rely on the internet to entertain you. WE will no longer rely on the internet to entertain you. That is your punishment.

Hank: (deep sigh) This feels fun now, but it is going to be hard, isn’t it?

Me: No one ever called you dumb. Not one day.

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh Ep8 S1: Pharaoh’s Nietzsche Problems

I figured this would be a good show to recap since it’s got maybe about 5 minutes of content an episode...usually. But, the thing about Yugioh is that when it needs to move plot, it really moves a lot of plot. Quite a bit happens this episode, it’s a long recap, so lets just get to it. Starting with Keiba’s brother, Mokuba.

And no, we haven’t missed anything--he’s just secretly been here the entire time.

What’s kind of neat about Pegasus’ help is that they are reoccurring characters. This guy with the mustache. The one with the double spike mullet. They are very flat characters, but their presence asks a lot of questions. In this case it’s “do you really want to befriend Mokuba or something? What’s with this silver platter service? Do you guys all hang out? Do you all go to the beach together in your time off and like read magazines with your sunglasses on?”

And back in the largest drawing room and all of it’s slight perspective errors that are off just enough to cause me great pain, Pegasus is enjoying his weird ass cheese meal.

When informed that his victim has escaped, he’s not exactly concerned. He’s got cameras all over the island. Also, it’s an ISLAND with only one boat to stow away on and it is nicely guarded. So he figures he should check out how the duels are going with the island computer system. Because ya, of course there’s a camera every five feet on this deserted island. This guy is about one step removed from a Bond Villain.

Speaking of, Yugi is back to walking aimlessly around the forest with his buddies, just biding his time and blissfully unaware of the karmic retribution soon coming to him because of something his other half did.

And they run into my brother’s favorite character, double spike mullet man. He’s got a name but for the life of me I will never remember. His weird thing is that he can’t hold someone a normal way. He usually holds them like teddy bears.

Tristan finally demonstrates why he’s a member of the crew and it really threw me for a loop. Tristan has bizzare gorilla strength--but only occasionally. And predictably he gets soundly kicked by this very nimble double-spiked mullet man, who might be legit invincible.

And because the Yugi crew can’t not, they decide to take heart and do some justice, like they always do. This episode is like a big caveat for “always do the right thing, though sometimes the right thing would be to leave it alone because you aren’t as good or smart as you think you are, and you might only make things worse with your ineptitude.”

So, they decide to use the best strategy they could think of in order to catch the chip-napper, which was to just kinda...wait around or something. Turns out they aren’t very smart, which I’m really starting to think may not be entirely their fault since Yugi has only half a brain (though I’m starting to think it’s more a 20-80 Yugi-Pharaoh mix) and the rest are constantly exposed to Pharaoh psychic powers, which must be confusing. They actually do talk--in great detail--about how dumb Joey Wheeler is through the length of this episode, I just didn’t cap it.

Luckily, Mokuba wasn’t exactly hiding so we very quickly cut to the chase, although it appears Yugi doesn’t really get who this, he’s just got a card addiction and sees dueling as a great way to solve Nearly Any Problem. Including how to deal with theft.

Ah Joey, the Cassandra who called it first at the haunted Pharaoh necklace Maybe Possessing His Best Friend’s Mind.

Surprisingly, Seto Keiba’s awake. I just assumed he was in a hospital bed these past 7 episodes. But, apparently he’s walking around...sort of. He got a heavy dose of depression symptoms from the mind-wipe, and that’s not the sort of thing that this show tries to hide.

A lot of kid shows try to tread on this territory. But, this is the only one I’ve seen that goes HARD into mental illness without watering it down into some sort of cute metaphor like Elsa and her ice magic. Kieba doesn’t know how to Keiba anymore. He doesn’t want to do what he used to do. He doesn’t want to be who he used to be. He lost the thing that gave him passion and he’s PISSED.

And because it’s Yugioh, it’s gotta get Pretty Dark For A Kids Show, and so Keiba walks out of their life and puts all of his very real adult responsibilities on his very little brother who does not understand why.

While this is actually a pretty accurate portrayal of what depression can do to a family, I just wanna note that they chose to go this route. Usually in a kids show, when a character is “cured” of evil, it’s replaced with something else. Usually, it’s replaced with the goodness that character already had, deep down inside. Maybe a goodness they had as a child. In the case of Keiba...he apparently didn’t have that goodness to begin with.

Parts of Keiba are just GONE and Pharaohs take is “I fixed him, so you should be happy now.” Like, I have no idea if this show supports Pharaoh or actually wants to portray this as a character flaw, but I assume we’ll find out more later.

Also, remember how I said that Pegasus was once removed from a Bond Villian? Well, he crossed the one degree in a foot-note flashback.

I had to rewind when I watched this because this whole thing about “I’ll just kidnap him and run the company that way” was so...illegal? Even for a kid’s show it’s so roundabout. I mean we’re dealing with a Psychic so why not just mind control one of the Kiebas? O well. And then there’s the other thing--because Yugi embarrassed Keiba Corp by beating Seto, Pegasus has to prove he’s a better card player in order to seal this shady business deal.  For...some reason?

Meanwhile, Pharaoh turns himself into a Philosophy 101 major’s first thesis about Nietzsche, as he makes himself the sole definer of what is good and evil and basically ignores what anyone lesser than him might say on the subject because he is Pharaoh and Pharaohs are Right.

Does he care about what he did to Mokuba and his family? Maybe later, but he certainly didn’t really care this episode. He just seems annoyed that other people aren’t like gun-ho about his “just wipe em clean” theory when it’s like, dude, does the medicine really outweigh the cure here? You gave the guy depression.

And although the show keeps saying Keiba was evil--we didn’t see much evidence of that because this all went down in Episode 1. Maybe that’s a lot of my problem in getting to like Pharaoh. I just gotta trust him that Keiba’s evil, but the worst thing I saw him do was tear up a card that Grandpa’s heart was connected to. Keiba still doesn’t even believe in that folktale heart of the cards stuff so should he be judged on that?

This blog just came off of occasionally recapping Once Upon a Time, which is obsessed with “where does good/evil come from?” and so to see this same trope of “We’ll just remove everything evil and it’s fixed!” explored again in another show--I dunno, we’ll see if Yugioh can do a better job. The bar is set pretty low because Once totally botched this.

My opinion: this mind-wipe seems pretty temporary since it’s not like Keiba chose to get it done, but we’ll see how it goes.

I was honestly surprised to see a show like this actually deliver a good take on the Sailor Moon Moral Savior trope, where she waves her moon healing wand, and evil characters are just “good” in the flash of an eye and all problems are solved and she is heralded as this wonderful savior.

Like seriously last episode was about stabbing the moon with a stone robot, how did we get here from that?

Meanwhile, back on the island, They’ve decided to do the right thing and it’s screwed them yet again because sometimes the only way to truly fix something when you screw up, is to just never have done it. Sometimes we do bad things thinking that if we get caught we can just fix it later--but there’s a lot of things that aren’t fixable. Sometimes people won’t be available to say sorry to. Sometimes you can’t return what you’ve taken, let it be star chips, time away from your little brother, or actual pieces of someone’s soul. Sometimes you just have to live with that.

Just a quick reminder that last episode revolved around eating fish for lunch.

Mokuba has such a strong neck now because of all these weird arm grabs. Also, I just realized Double Spike Mullet Man also has Big O type eyebrows and it’s something.

speaking of freaking too late

I mean I’m not even going to pretend that’s the real Keiba because youknow it’s a dark show but it hasn’t gone that dark. With the exception of our main character who IS half a zombie but man it’s always nice to see Pharaoh get a good ol slap in the face when he’s on his insufferable God kick.

Anyway, next week we duel a zombie and also find out how this is even possible. I admit I did not see the zombie twist coming that was...I feel like I use the word “unexpected” in every recap but here we are.