#anyway yeah i ugly cried - got a headache and everything from it

[spooderboyandtincan]

You’re Gonna Miss Me

(When I’m Gone)

Read on Ao3

/ST*RKERS DNI/

~~~~~

Tony doesn’t know why he’s so nervous.

That’s a lie. Utter bullshit. He’s lying to himself. Tony knows exactly why his heart is fluttering in his chest like he’d run a marathon, why his chest struggled to rise like there was twenty pound weight rested on it. 

Though to be fair, when he made an anonymous donation of a meager 50,000 dollars to Midtown Science and Technology, he hadn’t expected Peter’s decathlon team to put in a request to the school board to travel abroad, and he definitely hadn’t expected the school to immediately approve it. He thought they’d use it to replace the sudsy water in the bathrooms they called soap with the real stuff or some shit, not whisk his kid away to Vienna for a whole week where Tony couldn’t even hug him, couldn’t protect him. 

Peter is thrilled, though. Ecstatic. When he’d broken the news to Tony and May, he’d been over the moon with excitement, his round cheeks flushed pink and his eyes gleaming. Even two weeks ago, Tony had felt a deep sense of apprehension kindling in his chest, but with the date seemingly so far away, he’d pushed it to the back of his mind. 

He wishes now that he’d done something. He should have told Peter he couldn’t bear to be without him like he was an actor in a cheesy soap opera (it was true, he couldn’t); tell Peter he needed him on a “mission” that would mysteriously be canceled. Though they’d probably end up taking a plane or a suit to Vienna anyways (despite what he liked to say to Rhodey, he was not at all immune to Peter’s puppy eyes); hell, he should have purposely tripped on the stairs and broken his leg so Peter, sweet, kind, empathetic Peter, would immediately decide to stay by his side where Tony could keep him safe.

He missed Peter when he was at his apartment in fucking Queens, thirty minutes from Stark Tower. He didn’t know how he’d handle having him 4,222 miles away. He didn’t know if he could.

“Damn,” he hisses, pushing himself from his bed with a grunt and making a beeline towards Peter’s room. He dashes in. The sight of his sleeping son (read: lump of blankets) is enough to take his breath away.

Tony had missed him. It had been four hours since he’d tucked him in and kissed him goodnight, and Tony had missed him. Peter was fifteen feet away. 

This trip is going to be the death of him. He’s going to drop dead of a goddamn heart attack before Peter even gets on the plane. 

Tony sinks carefully onto the mattress and rests his hand on the boy’s neck, some deep, parental instinct in him immediately soothed by the slow, steady beat of his pulse. Peter is curled under the thick blue blanket, only his chestnut curls visible which are tinged blue from the Iron Man nightlight on the wall, his breath puffing out in those little snuffling snores that Tony absolutely adores. 

He leans down to kiss his temple, inhales the familiar scent of his favorite strawberry shampoo and is overwhelmed by the wave of infinite love that washes over him. He loves this kid so much it sometimes hurts. 

Leaning back, he smooths his thumb over Peter’s cheekbone. He doesn’t want to leave the boy’s side. He doesn’t know if he physically can. Maybe asleep Peter has somehow sensed this, because there’s a small mewl from the bundle of blankets, and two bleary doe eyes flutter open. 

“T’ny?”

“Hey,” Tony whispers, running a hand through his curls. “Hey, jellybean. Sorry I woke you up.” Peter rolls over with heavy limbs and rubs his eyes with a fist in a childlike motion, yawning in a way that resembles all those yawning kitten videos he’s made Tony watch. 

God, he’s adorable, Tony thinks. His heart is melting. He’s so small, so young. Tony feels an instinctual, almost uncontrollable urge to protect this kid, to wrap him in his arms and keep him from harm for the rest of time. 

Peter is oblivious. “‘S… s’okay,” he mumbles. His hand sneaks out of the blankets and tugs on his arm lethargically, which the genius knows is sleepy Peter language for “cuddle with me.” Tony chuckles fondly and slides under the covers.

He props himself up on an elbow and gazes down at his beloved boy, stroking a finger down his cheek. Peter smiles sleepily up at him from his assortment of pillows. “Hi.”

His face splits into a wide grin. “Hi, Pete.” 

Peter frowns at him then, a sudden change from his drowsy, half-asleep state. “You… you ‘kay? Wha’ time’s it?” He tries to sit up, but Tony hushes him gently with a “Everything’s okay, bud, just a typical 2am visit from your friendly neighborhood Iron Man.”

He smiles, so Tony counts the joke as a win. It’s not one of his best, but hey, forgive him if he’s a little anxious about his kid going to another fucking continent. 

(He refuses to acknowledge that it’s not just being away from Peter that’s stressing him out, it’s the fact that anything could happen to him while they’re apart.)

Tony looks back to Peter, opening his mouth to talk, only to find that he’s completely conked out. He balls up the sleeve of his sweatshirt and wipes the line of drool tracing down the boy’s chin away, finding that a soft smile has formed on his face, the one that only makes its appearance around Peter.

Peter snuggles into him the second he lies down, resting his curly head just over his heart. Tony wraps a protective arm around his back and rubs small circles on his soft blanket hoodie. “G’night,” he whispers, bending to kiss the top of his head. “Sweet dreams, baby. I love you.”

He can feel Peter’s heartbeat thumping steadily against his chest- can hear his soft kitten snores. The warm weight of his body is so comforting that for a moment he thinks that maybe, just maybe, this trip isn’t going to be the end of him. That everything’s going to be okay.

~~~~~

Peter’s starting to regret eating all those waffles for breakfast. He feels shaky all over, like he could collapse or throw up any second. He’d told Tony he was going to pop in the bathroom, but he’s been in there for at least ten minutes, settled back on his heels on the cold, grimy floor of an airport bathroom, trying to breathe properly.

Speaking of Tony, he can hear the man just outside the door, typing on his phone and sipping from a cheap cup of coffee. Peter immediately experiences a hot flash of guilt, realizing that he must have grown worried while he was gone. 

Sure enough, the door swings open and there’s a soft knock. “Pete? Everything okay, bud?”

Peter stands up and unlocks the stall. “Tony,” he sniffles, taking an unsteady step forward. Tony rushes forward and gathers him in his arms

“Whoa, hey, hey, you’re okay,” he says gently, rubbing a hand up and down his back. “You’re okay, Pete. Breathe, just breathe, bud. It’s okay.”

“I don’t-” Peter whispers. “I don’t know, Tony, I-I wanna go, but I can’t, I don’t know w-what to do.” 

“Breathe, honey. It’s okay, I’m here, we’ll figure this out, okay? You just gotta take a breath, alright?” 

Peter tries- fails. Tries again, and manages to gasp a breath in. “Sorry,” he croaks, when he can properly breathe again. “Tony, I-I don’t-”

“It’s okay,” Tony murmurs, squeezing him tight. “Nothing to be sorry for, Pete.” After snatching a paper towel and soaking it in the sink, he runs the scratchy cloth over Peter’s face and kisses his forehead when he’s done. “Okay, bubba. You wanna go back out or stay in here?”

“Out,” he replies without hesitation. The flickering white lights above are starting to give him a headache, not to mention the leaky faucet and the freezing tile floors and the faulty air conditioning. Tony leads him out with an arm around his shoulder and guides him to a little nook, where they both plop down on a neon green beanbag. 

“My parents died in a plane crash,” Peter whispers. 

Tony squeezes his shoulder. “I know buddy. I’m sorry.” Unlike a lot of the “sorries” Peter has heard, this one is sincere. Sometimes he forgets that Tony is an orphan too. 

“I- I mean, logically, I know the plane won’t crash,” he continues, “But I guess it’s still hard for me to believe that. Like a- a gut feeling?”

The man nods in understanding. “I know how you feel, kiddo. I was terrified of cars after my parents died- I took the subway everywhere despite the paparazzi bloodhounds.” Tony doesn’t broach the subject of his parent’s deaths often, especially not in a crowded public airport, so Peter makes sure to pay attention. 

“Then, the fear just kinda… vanished.” He wiggles his fingers dramatically. “I started driving without even thinking, didn’t realize I was in a car ‘til I got on the highway. I had to pull over when I did, but since then, I’m perfectly fine with cruisin’ at 80 mph. But,” he says seriously, meeting Peter’s eyes. “I think you should listen to what your gut’s tellin’ you, buddy. It’s important to listen to yourself- what inner you is saying.” He pokes Peter’s belly a couple times for good measure, which makes his face scrunch up adorably. 

Peter nods, and really tries to listen to his gut. The pair both go silent in concentration, and then- his stomach grumbles. They both burst into laughter, born more from nerves than hilarity.

“Inner you wants to eat,” Tony snorts. “I think I saw a place with the biggest blueberry muffins of my life by the escalators, wanna stop there?”

Despite eating a huge stack of waffles just hours earlier, Peter wolfs down two of the gigantic blueberry poppyseed muffins, much to the amusement of Tony.

They made their way to the gate, where Peter’s teacher, Mr. Harrington was lounging, dressed in an ugly red sweater, his long legs stretched in front of him. 

“Peter!” he cried as he spotted them, scrambling to his feet. “Thank god, I was beginning to think I had the wrong date! We’re leaving today, right?”

“Oh, yeah Mr. Harrington, we’re going today!” Peter laughs. He’s used to dealing with his scatter-brained teacher. “I’m actually here early, the plane’s supposed to leave at 1:00.” He gestures vaguely to the big digital clock over his head reading 11:54 AM, EDT. 

Mr. Harrington frowns. “I thought it left at 8 am! You mean I’ve been here for hours in this awful chair when I could have been sipping a piña colada in my jacuzzi?!” He collapses back in his chair and pulls a sleeping mask over his eyes with a sigh.

“Sorry, Mr. Harrington,” Peter chuckles, then pulls Tony to a row of uncomfortable seats in the corner of the waiting area. 

They sit in comfortable silence for a bit, just watching the various travellers rush past. A little girl, around two or three, comes up and shyly asks for Tony’s autograph, but no one else recognizes the genius. (Thanks to his foolproof disguise of a baseball cap and scarf covering up his iconic beard, the genius claims.)

“So, what are we thinking?” Tony asks after about half an hour. “Do you wanna go?” He secretly hopes Peter will say no, hopes that they can go home and binge watch all of the Star Trek episodes and fill their bodies with junk. 

Peter nods hesitantly. “I think so. I-is that okay? I might change my mind, but- yes. Yeah, I think I want to go.”

 Tony squeezes his hand. “Of course it’s okay baby, that’s perfectly fine. If you change your mind, you know what? That’s great too. Whatever you want, that’s what’s important.” He kisses Peter’s forehead and lets his hand linger for a moment where it rests on the boy’s cheek. “If you change your mind at any point, I’ll come pick you up, okay?”

“Thanks, Tony,” Peter breathes, slumping heavily against his side.

“Of course, bud. Anything for my Peter.” 

They stop for lunch at a cozy little coffee shop, which is thankfully devoid of fans and paparazzi. Peter orders (or rather, makes Tony order) a small hot chocolate (with extra marshmallows and whipped cream) even though drinking a lot before a non-stop ten hour flight is probably not the best idea. (He can’t help it. He’s nervous.)

When the pair gets back to their gate, they find Ned and his family. The boy’s greet each other enthusiastically, performing their signature handshake, while Tony simply throws up a peace sign to Ned’s rather stunned parents. 

The friends pull out their phones -probably playing one of those ghastly animated games that Peter is always quoting. Tony pretends to look busy on his phone, but really, he’s just trying to distract himself from the terrifying fact that he’s not going to see Peter for a week.

Too soon, the speaker crackles, a crisp voice announcing, “Attention. We are now boarding flight 367 nonstop to Vienna, Austria. Now boarding flight 367 nonstop to Vienna, Austria.”

Tony’s heart stops. Peter freezes. 

No, they think at the same time. Not yet. 

Peter turns to Tony, panicked. “Hey,” the man says, pushing away every anxiety, every worry away so he can focus on his kid. He sees Ned approach them, but stop when his father places a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay. Breathe, baby, it’s okay.” 

“Tony.” Peter wraps his skinny arms around his waist. 

“I know, baby, I know.” Tony kisses the top of his head and hugs him close. “Follow my breathing. You’re okay. We’re good.”

Around them, the members of the decathlon team are rising, but Tony and Peter sit in those unforgettable chairs, clutching each other tightly, not yet ready to let go. 

“I’m gonna miss you,” Peter whimpers. 

“I know kiddo, me too. I’m gonna miss you so much, but I’m always gonna be here, okay? If you need me, just call, or text, use morse code, doesn’t matter. I’m always here for you.”

“I’m here for you too,” Peter says. “I- I’ll call you every day.” Peter’s bottom lip is trembling, just barely, but enough for Tony to hug him a little tighter and kiss his forehead. “I love you, Tony,” he sniffs.

“I love you too, Pete. I love you so much.” Tony’s not crying. He’s not. The restaurant a few stores down is just cooking onions, that’s why his eyes are watering. 

Peter pulls away and grabs his duffel bag, taking a step toward the loading dock. Tony tries not to burst into sobs. Stay, his mind whispers. Please stay. 

Then Peter turns around, eyes full of tears, and slams straight into Tony’s chest, hugging him so tight he can barely breathe. Tony rocks them back and forth, cherishing everything about his sweet boy. When they finally break apart, Peter says, “I’ll be back before you know it,” echoing what Tony has said to him so many times before he leaves for a business trip. 

Then he smiles a watery smile and runs to catch up with his best friend. Just before he disappears into the loading dock, he turns around and waves wildly at Tony.

Tony waves back, grinning. “I love you,” he mouths.

“I love you too!” Peter mouths back, and steps into the dock.

“I love you,” Tony whispers, hastily wiping the dampness from his eyes. “I love you, Peter.”

~~~~~

/ST*RKERS DNI/

Taglist: @aj-that-person @tonystark-deserves-better @nathaly-ab @skeeter-110 @peter-and-tony-vlogs @teammightypen @joyful-soul-collector @loveliestdisappointment @depuella @scwene-qween @honeythepooh @pixiethefirecat7 @spider-man-lover @jami161 @bringitonvoldie @queen-of-sarcasm-25 @roxy3457 @memilon @iron-loyalty @gralaca @bitchingpretty @pillowspace @thatminecraftgal @clockworkteacup @hatakehikari @wtfischeese @keep-a-bucket-full-of-stars @skydiving-without-a-parachute @yansi1923 @slytherin-hamilton-life-12  @dead-inside-pt2 @name-me-regret @zanderljones @spidy8664 @hold-our-destiny @tinystark-blog @bittersweetbeneath

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[marmolady]

New Horizons

Main Pairings: Estela x (f)MC, Graleister

Summary: Endless Ending. Liv and Reggie are starting school in San Trobida. Notes at the end!

Word Count: 9695

Chronology: After 'Growing Pains', before 'How the time escapes me...'

Tagging: @saivilo, @edgydepressedchoicesthot, @sceptilemasterr, @greengroove @mauvecatfic​

Thanks for reading!

San Trobida, July 2035

“Hey, Auntie Grace!”

Reggie looked up from his book at the sound of his cousin’s voice, and hastily placed aside his shiny new copy of ‘A Guide to San Trobidan History’ so he could rush out into the hallway.

Grace was already wrapping Liv in a hug. “Hello, sweetheart.” She kissed the side of her niece’s head, before her eyes wandered down to a bloodied knee. “Did you have a mishap on your bike on the way here?”

“Yeah… I clipped the kerb and crashed,” Liv said, offering her aunt a better view of her wound. As she heard Reggie’s footsteps, she looked up to meet his eye and smiled.

“Youch!” Reggie offered sympathetically as he came close enough to peer over Liv’s grazed knee.

Liv shrugged. “I’ve had worse.”

Grace, though, was more concerned. “Are you sure you didn’t hit your head when you fell?”

“No, just scraped my knee. It does actually sting a bit.”

“Hmm. Well, I think we’d better put some anti-septic that knee just to be safe.”

The new house was a mess. Boxes and misplaced furniture filled every room, and the twins-- six years old-- had been making forts with the packing boxes that had been emptied so far. The family had been in the house for just over a day, and some good progress had already been made. There had been a lot that had been left behind. Neither Aleister nor Grace put too much value on material possessions, so most of what had come with them and the children to their new home in San Trobida had been essential furniture, and the mountains of photo albums and memorabilia from a life with the kids.

Grace sat Liv down on a wooden ottoman, and, after a little bit of rummaging, found the first aid kit.

“Okay, this might hurt just a little,” she said gently, and she carefully dabbed Liv’s graze.

Liv yelped, “Fuck!”, causing Reggie to gasp, looking to his mother for a reaction, and Erin and Immy to burst out giggling from inside their box-fort.

Grace raised an eyebrow, but her warm smile didn’t shift. “It stings that much?”

“Yeah…,” Liv said, flushing a little. “Sorry about the language.”

“I’m sure I didn’t hear a thing.”

There was the usual bustling around as Aleister got the girls into their shoes; Immy and Erin had decided that swapping one shoe with one another was the peak of humour, but eventually, their father managed to get them each into a left and a right-- even if they didn’t match. Six-and-a-half-year-old sisters, Reggie had come to realise, made just about everything more of a headache than necessary.

Eventually, though, they were on their way. His mom and dad, walking beside the twins as they pootled along on their bicycles, had the address, but Reggie rode ahead with Liv, taking her lead as she zig-zagged through the streets of Valle Brava. Having only set foot on San Trobidan soil as a new resident some twenty-four hours ago, everything aspect of his environment set his senses alight. This wasn’t like being back in America. Perhaps it was the tropical climate, but he was reminded much more of La Huerta-- of home. Liv certainly seemed right at home here. She and her mothers had settled a few weeks before, and Liv had been coming here pretty much all her life. There were just a few blocks between their respective houses, and the wide cycle paths along the bitumen roads made for an easy journey. This, Reggie had been told, was a newly developed area; much had been re-built since the war he knew his Tia Estela had been involved in. The cycle paths ended as they came nearer to Liv’s place, a little way out of the main township. The foliage on either side of the road became thicker, and there was less street noise, more birdsong.

“Beat you!” Liv announced as she planted her feet into the ground, forcing her bicycle to a stop.

Reggie grumbled, pulling up beside his cousin in front of a humble bungalow-style house with outer walls a vibrant azure blue against yellow accents. The sound of a dog barking-- unmistakably Liv’s Robin, was further confirmation they’d arrived. “You didn’t beat me, Livia. I was following you. I didn’t even know where we were going.”

“Jeez, dude. No one likes a sore loser….”

“I am not a--!”

The door swung open.

“Reggie!” Taylor wasted no time in sweeping her nephew into a hug. “It’s so good to see you! I can’t believe you still have the energy for cycling over here-- didn’t you move house, like, yesterday?”

Reggie laughed. “Hi, Auntie Taylor!” There was something about seeing a familiar face in this new environment that made the pieces seem to click into place. Family made it home. “I’m a little bit tired but mostly just excited. I did sleep in today, so I guess I won’t crash until later.” His sisters on the other hand… there was no way they’d last the evening without overtiredness rearing its ugly head.

“I’m guessing your mom and dad are on their way with the girls?”

“Yeah,” said Liv, “but they’re pretty slow. I don’t have to wait to give Reggie the grand tour, do I?”

“Knock yourself out, kid. Hang on, Liv? Walk your bike through the house, please.”

“I was gonna!”

Reggie could only smirk. Like hell you were….

“Aaaand,” Liv finished off with a flourish, “this is my room!” She opened the door to a good-sized bedroom. It seemed to Reggie that what floor-space wasn’t taken up by the bed was piled up with boxes.

“I mean, I can’t say the mess wasn’t a clue.”

Liv gave her cousin a look as she flopped into her bed. “Hey-- moving house is hard. You’ll see soon enough. You get started all excited, but once you start living your life, you kinda get… stuck. Mama Taylor says we’re going to just blitz it all next weekend, and throw ourselves a pizza party as a reward.”

Reggie got up onto the bed and crossed his legs. “Do you like it here?”

“I love it here! I always liked coming here when I was little, so I guess it doesn’t feel like something completely different. I reckon my tio abuelo is over the moon that we’re here for good; it’s like I’ve got a grandparent now.” Liv’s cheeks flushed pink, and she glanced away.

Understanding, Reggie nodded. Together, they’d grown up in a family that didn’t take the traditional shape. There were some things that simply couldn’t be explained to other friends; like why Reggie’s grandma could help him with his homework, but could never come in for grandparents’ day, and why Liv had a whole side of the family with no grandparents at all-- not even dead ones.

“And,” Liv continued, “people don’t really look at my Mama Estela funny. I noticed that years ago. I guess ‘cause of the war, people don’t look twice at someone who’s maybe a little bit banged-up. I got so sick of it back in America. Every time we met someone new, they’d put on that ‘God, what happened?’ face. Maybe Mom doesn’t want to explain the whole ‘revolutionary in a civil war’ thing to every random person who can’t mind their own business. Some people have scars-- big freaking deal. It’s better here.”

“Yeah, that would be a nice change. The amount of times I’ve seen you and Auntie Taylor look at a nosy idiot like you want to deck ‘em--”

Liv burst out laughing. “True, that.”

The sound of excited barking rang out from the backyard. It seemed pretty likely to Reggie that his parents and sisters had just arrived. When he and Liv arrived in the backyard, Erin had already joined Estela at the barbecue, desperate to be involved, while Immy was passionately talking to Nicolas about goodness-knows-what. Reggie made a mental note to rescue him in a few minutes; that kid could be intense, and the poor old guy had come out here for a relaxing lunch with his niece.

Nicely, but firmly, Reggie nudged the wriggling, writhing form of Robin the dog to the side so he could join his mother and Auntie Taylor at the large alfresco table under the porch. And Robin returned to his favoured position at the feet of the barbecue-- Erin was just a kid, surely, she’d drop something….

“Do you need a hand with the salads?” Reggie asked as he greeted his mother with a hug. He’d been seeking a lot of those. With so much changing, familial comfort meant a lot, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit it.

Perhaps more than anything, though, he was grateful to have Liv by his side. It was the way it had always been; from their toddler days on La Huerta, through elementary school, to their adventures in home-schooling. Some things might change-- some things might change immeasurably-- but he always had his cousin.

___________________________

La Huerta, 2028

Liv yelled out as she splashed down into the shallow surf. “Reggie!”

“I got her, Xiraana!” Reggie cried, and soon he was joined by a young Vaanti girl, who helped restrain their victim.

“No, no!” Liv squealed as she struggled. Vaanti kids, she’d long ago realised, were strong. “You’ll never take me alive!”

“Five-- four--- three….” Xiraana counted down, not letting Liv out of her grasp.

“Two-- one!” Reggie finished triumphantly, and he let his cousin fall unceremoniously back into the water. “The klaawyi ate all the meat off your bones. You’re one of us now!”

Liv pouted, but admitted defeat. It wasn’t the worst thing that could happen; she was pretty good on Team Klaawyi anyway. Or, she would have been… had she not seen the figure of her favourite uncle descending onto the beach from the great tree of Elyys’tel.

“Tio Diegoooooo! Hiiiii!” Liv ran across the sand, almost tripping in her desperation to reach him.

“Hey, Livia!” Reggie cried out, indignant at being suddenly abandoned. “You’re meant to help us catch them!”

But Diego had crouched down to wrap Liv in a hug, and Reggie might as well be talking to a pile of rocks for all that was being absorbed.

“Tio, they got me! Reggie and Xiraana got me, and now I’m a klaawyi!”

“You?” Diego laughed. “You’re no klaawyi-- I’ve never seen a klaawyi that was ticklish!”

“Wha--?” Oh no. Once again, Liv was shrieking with mirth, this time dodging the tickling hands of her tio.

Still standing in the shallows, Reggie stomped his foot, which achieved little but splashing himself in the face. The game went on without them; games of Klaawyi Chase didn’t stop for anyone. The usual fun on the beaches outside Elyys’tel would go on like this every day… whether Reggie and Liv were there to join in or not. And Reggie didn’t want to miss out now.

“Come on, Livia!”

She just shook her head, not letting her adoring gaze up at Diego slip for so much as a heartbeat. “Nah,” she said. “I’m done.”

Torn, knowing that whichever direction he ran in, he’d lose out on precious time with friends, Reggie admitted defeat and rushed back to Liv’s side on the shore. He looked back over his shoulder and waved goodbye-- for what he’d been told would likely be a long, long time. Engrossed in their game, his friends gave just the most fleeting of farewells before continuing to race through the small waves that lapped the beach.

Liv, in contrast, had eyes only for her tio. She clasped his hand tightly; if she held on tight enough, perhaps he’d have no choice but to come with her to wherever her mothers were taking her in the big aeroplane.

Where exactly she was going, Liv didn’t quite understand. It was away from La Huerta, but they weren’t going back to live with Tio Nicolas, they were going… someplace else. Someplace with no Tio Diego and Varyyn, where all the other kids would be boring shades of pink and brown rather than blue and green, and where no one knew about the yeti-bear, or the magic crystal alien that made her mom, or about The Story of the Year the World Stopped.

“I want you to come, Tio Diego…,” Liv softly beseeched.

Diego’s eyes grew misty, her earnest words having tipped him over the edge after what had been a long period of emotional build-up. Goodbyes were never easy, and Liv’s family was his family. He squeezed her little hand gently.

“I’ll visit you, Livi-- I promise. Cross my heart. And your mommies will bring you over to visit us here too; you are going to learn so many new games at school that you can teach Xiraana and the other kids.”

“But I’ll miss you…”

Having rejoined Liv, Reggie peered up at Diego’s teary face with concern. “Diego, you’re making your glasses all foggy.”

“Ha. I know, I know!” Diego wiped his eyes. “You might have a point there, Reggie; I want to spend this last night with you guys actually being able to see you!”

Liv giggled and wrapped her arms around her uncle’s legs, only to be peeled off and hoisted into the air. “We can still have fun until bedtime, can’t we? Will you tell us a story?”

On the ground, Reggie danced around, his arms waving. Diego-time was the best story-time.

In the arms of her tio, her playmate since she was a baby bouncing on his knee, Liv was a mess of emotions; of fear and excitement, of merriment that competed with the looming sorrow. It was more than her little self had a clue what to do with. She was only five.

Sensing his cousin’s turmoil, Reggie reached up a hand and took hold of Liv’s, hanging down by Diego’s side. “Don’t worry, Livia! If you worry, you won’t enjoy story-time.”

Liv stuck out her bottom lip. That little nerd-face could be pretty smart sometimes. Tomorrow night, there would be no goodnight story from Tio Diego, but tomorrow night was not now-- now, everything was as it should be. Her wavering grin returned, and to her delight, it brought matching smiles to the faces of her companions.

“Do you think Varyyn, and my mommies, and Auntie Grace and Uncle Alli, and Auntie Grace’s tummy babies want to listen to the story too?”

“Yeah,” Diego said, letting Liv back down to the ground, where she immediately found another hug in Reggie’s arms, “I think everyone would really like that.”

_____________________________

San Trobida, August 2035

“I don’t get it,” Liv said thoughtfully, as the car rolled right on past the turn for her Auntie Grace and Uncle Al’s place. “It’s right on the way; wouldn’t it have been easier for us to pick up Reggie?”

“Hon,” Taylor replied, “I think Reggie wanted his mom and dad to take him to orientation. They’ll probably be better at helping with his jitters than we would be.”

“I guess.” Liv looked out the window, watching the surrounding vegetation thicken once more as the car followed the road up out of the valley. “Orientation Day shouldn’t be too bad, right? Just, like, meeting our teachers, learning where stuff is, that kinda thing?” And you’ll have to try and make friends. That would be a laugh.

By the time they pulled up at the Las Selvas Secondary School, however, Liv fully understood her cousin’s nerves, and realised that was probably why she’d been so disappointed that he didn’t share a car with her. Through every big change in their young lives, his presence had been a reassuring constant.

“Uggghh,” she groaned. “Can I change my mind? Home-schooling was all right; more of that, please.”

Estela leaned from the front seat and gave Liv’s knee a squeeze. “You know, I don’t think he’d ever say it, but I’m pretty sure Reggie would be really scared if he had to walk into this without you. Besides, you were so excited about starting here; you owe it to yourself to at least giving it a shot.”

Again, Liv groaned, this time even louder. “It’s so annoying when you’re right.”

“Story of my life,” Taylor laughed, while Estela smirked.

When they pulled up at the school, Reggie was already waiting, standing beside the car-park while his parents fussed over him.

“You have your phone?” Grace quizzed, checking for the fourth time since they’d set off.

“I told you, yes!” Reggie replied, and he pulled his phone out of his pocket to wave around for good measure. “I’ll send you a message when I’m ready to be picked up, I promise.”

“In that case, you just have a wonderful time, darling.” She wrapped him in a hug-- already Reggie was easily as tall as her. “Go well, and have fun.”

Liv rushed over, all smiles. Her own nerves were a whole lot less bothersome when she had the distraction of friendly faces.

There were a few more rounds of hugs exchanged-- and then, suddenly, Liv and Reggie were on their own.

“You wanna head over? Looks like people are already crowding around-- it’s probably gonna start soon.”

Reggie’s expression brightened, as if he’d been just waiting for a little push for his confidence to surge back forth. “Well, it will hardly be an auspicious start here if we miss the principal’s address. Get a move on, Livia!”

The morning passed relatively quickly. Liv placed herself next to Reggie at all times-- they’d been put in the same Grade Seven home room as requested, making him one of the eldest in the class, and her one of the youngest. The whole set-up wasn’t entirely different to the school they were accustomed to, other than the bilingual approach. They were given a small pile of boring paperwork, and outlines of what to expect in their new classes; as English was their first language, they’d be taking ‘Spanish as a Second Language’, and Liv was also excited about ‘Nature Studies’, a subject she’d never been offered in America.

As far as Liv was concerned, the most traumatic part of the session was being expected to stand up in front of a room of strangers and give a short spiel about themselves. The perfect opportunity to officially balls-up any chance they might have of making new friends, or at least that was how she saw it. She mumbled down into her chest; something about enjoying hiking and gymnastics, something about liking Batman, and animals, and then she hurriedly sat right back down with flaming cheeks. Reggie, she observed, handled the brief foray into public speaking with rather more poise. Even though he was shy-- perhaps even more than she was-- he seemed able to go into ‘school presentation’ mode, and breeze through. When he sat back down, though, his hands were shaking-- but that was for the eyes of his trusted friend only.

When the lunch break came along, Liv was ravenous; a new and challenging social situation could do that to a person. While Reggie sloped off to the bathrooms, she tested out the school canteen, emerging a little while later with a hot empanada. It wasn’t quite as good as her Mama Estela’s, but it was definitely a step up from what was on offer at her old school. Maybe she could get used to this place….

Liv watched this new world go by all around her as she ate, cross-legged beneath the tree she’d told her cousin to meet her by. Kids moved in their little circles, talking loudly, laughing. Most of them coming into Grade Seven had come from the local primary school, and many knew each-other. Liv and Reggie would be starting out on the outside… and that was daunting. She could not be more grateful that she wasn’t taking this on alone.

Or… at least, she shouldn’t be. The lunchtime queue moved on, the gaggles of kids spread out, and still Reggie hadn’t returned.

Damn, constipated on your first day. Sucks to be you, Reggie.

Tentatively, Liv approached the boys’ bathroom and, having ascertained that no one was watching, slipped in. Her footsteps were unheard, drowned out by the loud, frantic breathing of young Reggie, slumped over the sink. Alarmed, Liv rushed over. Tears were spilling down his cheeks.

“Reggie… it’s okay,” she said gently. A little unsure, she reached out a hand to rub his back, and to her surprise, he didn’t flinch away. Slowly, he seemed to regain control of himself.

“Liv…,” Reggie panted. “You know you’re not meant to be in here; this is the guys’ room.”

“Hey! Like it’s my fault you didn’t take your anxiety attack into the unisex bathroom. That’s on you.” Hmph. Ungrateful, much?

Reggie scowled, and dragged his cousin out of the toilet block by her arm. He slumped down by the wall, and scooched over to encourage her to join him.

“You’re a pain in the arse.” He was still shaking.

“It’s been said, yeah.” Liv huddled a little closer. “You don’t need to worry, okay? You’re not going to have any trouble making friends. Did you see they’ve got a chess club, and a photography club as well? At least that’ll get you talking to people.”

“That’s,” Reggie said quietly, “not exactly what I’m worried about.” When Liv looked at him expectantly, he continued. “When I was in a room with all those kids, my head just went back to being at our old school… and what happened. I know this place is meant to be progressive and all that, but that doesn’t mean that everyone’s okay. What if I think I’ve made friends with someone, and they find out about Erin, and they make it a big thing, and then some arsehole finds out….”

“Man, you’re really spiraling,” Liv observed, not especially helpfully. She wasn’t exactly surprised by what was troubling her cousin; getting into a fight in defense of his young transgender sister had completely unseated Reggie from the comfortable life he’d had at the last school. It had changed everything.

“You would too, if she was your sister!”

“Probably. But I think you should at least give people a go. It sounds like they’re really strict on any kind of bullying against minorities. Swinging back hard in the opposite direction after that fascist dictatorship.”

“Those are some awfully big words for you to be throwing around there, Livia; watch you don’t hurt yourself….”

“Hey! I know my stuff!” Liv demanded. “Do you think my tio abuelo would have it any other way? But anyway, I’m right. All the people who didn’t fit in before have come to this part of the country. Probably a lot of the kids have parents who saw really horrible things in the war; they wouldn’t want to send them somewhere that was bad like before. My Mama ‘Stel gave the principal the grilling of her life, and I bet she hasn’t been the only one. People are gonna want to make sure their kids are being looked after.”

A smile quirked on Reggie’s face as he imagined his aunt on a school tour. “I bet Tia Estela left Principal Sanchez quivering under the desk.”

“Yeah… after what happened in the last school, there’s no way they’d let us go anywhere unless they were sure it was a place that treated people right.”

Reggie knew that much. But his parents, and even his fierce aunt, could not shield himself, his sisters and his cousin, from everything. He contemplated silently, grateful for the patient companionship.

“I guess,” he said at last, “if no one gave anyone else a chance to be anything but the worst, then we’d be pretty lonely.”

“Yup. We should at least give it a shot. And if it all goes in the crapper, I’ll sic my moms on the fools that mess with us. And the freaking yeti.”

Reggie couldn’t help but roll his eyes. That had always been Liv’s answer to everything. “Livia, I hate to break it to you, but if you go around threatening people with yetis, everyone’s gonna think you’ve got a screw loose. Except me; I know you’ve got a screw loose.”

“So damn rude,” Liv growled. “Anyway, you really should eat something. It probably won’t help you feeling crap and light-headed if you’ve got an empty stomach. They’ve got arepas!”

“...I could eat an arepa,” Reggie admitted. There was only so much a young boy of thirteen could control; he couldn’t wave a magic wand and guarantee that his little sister would never be hurt by cruel, ignorant words, but he could look after himself, so that he was the best him he could be-- and the best brother.

_____________________________

USA, 2028

“You did a great job, sweetheart,” Taylor said kindly as Reggie delicately placed his knife and fork atop his small plastic plate, signaling that he’d finished. Immediately afterwards, the little boy’s small hand had dropped to his side to get a reassuring touch of his teddy’s scruffy fur. “It was nice of Big Bear to join us for dinner. Does he like lasagna as much as you do?”

Reggie yawned widely as he nodded to his aunt. He hadn’t known it was possible for a kid to be so full of yawns, but living with newborn twins had shown him just how big a tired feeling could be. “Big Bear likes to watch from the floor.”

“That’s nice of him to let you have the whole plate for yourself. We’re gonna have plenty to bring over to your mommy and daddy for them to eat tomorrow.”

Lasagna had been Reggie’s choice. This whole sleepover was to be all about him; giving him a welcome break from the stresses of being a new big brother to two babies at once. He’d been on many, many sleepovers at Tia Estela and Auntie Taylor’s place before, but this time felt different. Reggie knew that at home, his parents were busy with their other children… and in his sensitive state, it took no time at all for him to miss them.

Twins, Reggie had come to realise, were very hard work. They cried a lot… and his mommy cried a lot, and his daddy cried a lot, and he cried a lot. All crying and no sleeping was not a whole lot of fun. Reggie wanted so badly to get away from the babies, but at the same time he longed to be with his parents. However much fun it was to take a break at his aunts’ place, the worry in him just wouldn’t go away.

Side-by-side, he and Liv changed into their pyjamas. Five-year-old Liv, true to form, nattered away to him the whole time. Babies, of course, were the subject of choice.

“My moms say we’re probably not gonna get another baby. Maybe ‘cos you have two I can borrow one if I get lonely. Do you have one that you like best?”

Reggie shrugged.

“Maybe next time your mom and dad will have three. You could have all these babies like a baby army, and if someone’s ever mean to you, you will have like a hundred poopy diapers you can throw at them. No one likes poop.”

“I don’t want lots more babies,” Reggie said softly. I want no more.

“If you don’t like babies, you can come and live with us forever!” Liv suggested brightly, oblivious the the wobble of her cousin’s bottom lip.

When Estela popped her head around the corner to check on the kids, Reggie was in tears and Liv looked totally bewildered.

“Mommy, Reggie’s crying…,” she pointed out, rather unnecessarily, for her mother had already scooped the little boy into a cuddle.

“It’s okay, mijo,” Estela soothed as she gently rocked her nephew in her arms. “It’s okay to cry. This has been really hard. You know what? You have been such a good boy for Mommy and Daddy.”

Liv, not quite sure what to do, but nothing if not well-meaning, draped herself over Reggie and patted him on the back. “There, there. It’s okay.”

Estela took Reggie into the lounge room for some cheer-up time, and Liv took Big Bear. Taylor quickly joined them, and pulled Reggie into her lap for a cuddle.

“Are you feeling a bit sad, sweetpea?”

Reggie nodded. “Uh-huh. I liked it better how things were before. Everything’s different.”

Taylor gently rubbed the little boy’s arms. “Change can be really tough. It’s like you’ve got to figure out how life works all over again!”

“Yeah, it’s not nice.”

“So, it’s okay to have a good cry. We will give you as many hugs and cuddles as you need.”

“Reggie,” Liv piped up, “do you wanna play a game? That could make you feel happy?”

Reggie sniffed and nodded again. Pleased-- she had this cheering-up business down-- Liv plonked herself in Estela’s lap and leaned forward to her cousin.

“Do you wanna play… ‘Klaawyi Chase’?”

Estela intervened quickly. “Maybe something with a little less running around. It’s nearly bedtime, Livi.”

“Okay. Ummmm…. ‘Duck, Duck, Goose’?”

“Livita.”

Well, you’re no fun. Liv gave a soft huff and pondered. By her best guess, ‘Hide and Seek’ would be a ‘no’ too… especially as last time she’d hid, no one managed to find her for a full hour.

“How about,” Taylor suggested, “we have a game of ‘Fortunately-Unfortunately’?”

“I wanna play that one!” Reggie said enthusiastically. “Can I start? Fortunately, we all had ice cream for dessert.”

Liv bounced in her mother’s lap. “Unfortunately, the ice cream was smelly-feet flavour!”

“Livi!” Taylor exclaimed, rolling her eyes. Why was everything smelly-feet with that kid? “Okay, then-- fortunately, Robin Dog likes smelly-feet, so he ate all the ice cream for us.”

“Oh!” Liv cried. “I’ve got a really good one!” Hehe, Robin with smelly-feet farts….

“Unfortunately,” said Estela. “It was Mama Estela’s turn, and Miss Livita just had to wait.”

Liv turned and poked her tongue out at her mom, making Reggie giggle. He snuggled in against his Auntie Taylor’s chest, his mind far away from worries about his new role as big brother to a pair of very needy twins.

“Fortunately,” he said, smiling, “Furball was visiting, and he made us some new ice cream with no yucky flavours in it.”

“Unfortunately….”

_________________________

San Trobida, September 2035

It was the last weekend before school started, and a lazy warm day at the Montoya house. Estela was up a tree, hammering boards into what would soon be a playhouse for the kids. She’d already finished up a two-storey-high climbing wall on the other side of the yard, which, at Liv’s request, would eventually be connected to the new tree-house by a zipline. Then, there’d be a slide, and monkey bars, and a tyre swing, and a fire pole. Basically, Estela had made it her mission to put together the best backyard playground on the Costa Libertad. Taylor, meanwhile, had been busying herself with a vegetable garden, with the help of a fascinated Erin and her parents, who turned out to be quite clever when it came to soil chemistry.

Liv had been up and down her new climbing wall like a yo-yo, leaving her dog, Robin, running rings around the base and all but tripping Reggie up as he tentatively took his first steps towards ascending.

“Are you coming?”

“I’m trying! Your dog’s getting in the way.”

Eventually, Reggie managed to clamber his way up, with a little help from Liv who hauled him over the top.

“See; piece of cake.”

Reggie couldn’t quite agree, and now that he was up twenty feet, he was already dreading his descent back to solid ground. Keen to distract himself from the dizzying height, he passed Liv the rope that he’d carried slung across his shoulders.

“What do you want me to do with it?” she demanded. “You’re meant to drop one end back down….”

“I’m not going near the edge!”

“Fine. Immy! You down there still?”

On the ground, and trying to wrestle a squeaky toy giraffe from Robin’s mouth, Immy craned her neck up.

“Yeah-- but you’re lucky I am, Reggie was so slow.”

“Careful. I was careful. You should bloody well try it sometime.”

Immy rolled her eyes dramatically, but nonetheless took the rope end that Liv had lowered to her, and ran it over to Estela so the distance could be measured.

“There we go,” Liv said, after having marked the rope at the edge of the platform. “Done. Reggie, if you’re just going to look down, you might as well be on the ground. Come on-- check out the view!”

Begrudgingly, Reggie sat up properly and looked around.

“Woah.” Maybe he could see the appeal of being up so high, even if he was immensely grateful for the safety rails around the platform. “You really can see everything up here.”

“Isn’t it cool?” Liv beamed as she pointed her cousin towards the paddock behind the yard. “You wanted to see our horse? Right in there at the side of the sheltery-shed thing….”

“Oh, wow! Okay, fine, I believe you now. I guess she was just hiding earlier.”

“That’s Miel. She’s like, older than dirt; Mama Estela used to ride her when she was a teenager.”

“And she’s still alive?”

“Just about. I think she’s uh… nearly thirty? Pretty ancient. Mom found out she was all on her own after her friend died, and she bought her so she could retire here with us. She’s kind of a bitey asshole. Uh, the horse-- not Mom.” Liv quickly amended, glancing to the in-progress tree-house. “So, we’re keeping her, and if she wants to make friends with the new horses we’re getting, she can, otherwise at least she can, like, neigh rude horse words at them from over the fence.”

Reggie snorted. Weirdo.

“I’m super excited. I know Mama ‘Stel was kind of nervous about us moving over here because of how things were when she was a kid-- but it actually… feels nice. I love our new house. I love cranky Miel. I love that we’re gonna get chickens, and maybe a new friend for Robin. Even the school seems pretty good.”

Swallowing his fear, Reggie joined Liv at the railing, dangling his legs over the side of the platform.

“Yeah, I think I like it here, too. Mom and Dad seem really happy; Dad says he can make more of a good difference in the world here than in America. So, I guess that’s got to be good. Did I tell you we’re going to put a pool in?”

“You might have mentioned it. When you’ve been whining about the heat, for the hundredth time.”

“It’s so humid!”

Liv giggled. It was like being back in the tropics of La Huerta, and to her, that felt right. Granted, it might have been nicer if they could just pop on over into a neighbouring alpine region that was inexplicably right next to the hot, sticky jungle, but she really loved it.

“Well,” Reggie said, “it’s going to be great. And it should be done by the time Quinn and Michelle come to visit.”

“Do we even know whose house they’re staying at yet?”

“It should be my place.” Reggie puffed out his chest, as if to emphasise the rightness of his point. “You’re definitely getting Jake and Sean and Mikey. You can’t take all the visitors. And besides… we’ll have a pool.”

That was hard to argue with. “It’s up to the adults anyway,” Liv conceded. In the end, it didn’t matter; she was going to make the most of having her La Huerta family around even if it meant camping out in Reggie’s back yard. “But, I will be a much better San Trobida tour guide than you. I’m still showing you around.”

Reggie hmphed, and Liv laughed.

“Come on, Reggie,” she said, dropping gracefully down the side of the wall and taking up hand-holds. “I’m getting hungry.”

It was at that point that Reggie made the sobering discovery that going down, was rather more intimidating than going up a sheer vertical surface.

“Um, Liv…,” he said quietly. “I, uh, don’t think I can do that.”

“Oh!” Liv responded. “Sorry, I forgot you’re new to this. Maybe you should’ve started smaller. But don’t worry, I’ll get you down….”

“Okay…,” he murmured, clearly not remotely convinced.

“Mom!” Liv hollered, all but making her poor cousin topple over the edge in surprise. “Reggie’s stuck!”

Reggie felt heat rise in his cheeks as his sisters, hanging out on the grass below the wall at the worst possible time, burst out laughing. Like they could even get up this high to begin with.

Up in the tree-house, Estela looked up and wiped off the paint from her hands. Rescuing kids from scrapes had pretty much become her specialty at this point; twelve years with Liv had seen to that. “I’m coming,” she called back.

“I’m not exactly stuck,” Reggie muttered defensively, as his Tia Estela easily scaled the climbing wall to join him and Liv, who’d already rejoined him to offer moral support. “If I really wanted to, I could climb down; I just feel I should practice climbing up a few more times before I try that.”

“You’ll get there,” Estela said kindly. As far as she was concerned, the fact that her nephew had a realistic view of his own capabilities was only a good thing. “I’ll have that zipline going in no time anyway, so you’ll have no hurry to work it out.”

With his aunt’s back offered to him, Reggie took the cue and wrapped his long arms around her neck, and his legs around her middle. Getting rescued by one of the team of protective grown-ups? Basically, the story of both his and Liv’s lives.

“Hang on, Regito,” Estela laughed.

____________________________

La Huerta, 2034

The frigid wind howled against the cabin door, and it took all of Liv and Reggie’s combined might to wrestle it closed. Both kids were panting heavily-- and shaking like leaves-- as they nervously stepped away.

“Thank god this little hut was here, really,” Liv heaved. “I dunno about you, but I’d rather be stranded in a snowstorm with walls around me.”

Reggie said nothing, and just shivered, wrapping his arms around his own torso. He’d wrapped up-- as if his parents would let him go wandering into the colder pockets of the island without a heap of layers-- but the snow had wet his gloves through, and a chill was now spreading through his body.

“Hey,” Liv said, “we should… we should get a fire going. You look like you’re halfway turned into a popsicle right now.”

As his cousin busied herself at the fireplace-- thank goodness there was some firewood left-- Reggie fiddled with his emergency phone. His heart sank. No signal. His mom and dad were going to be so worried when he and Liv never came home….

“Uh, Liv… I think the storm’s screwed up the reception here. It won’t let me phone Mom and Dad.”

Liv looked up, and for the first time, she looked truly fearful, her usual intrepid spirit extinguished in a flash. “They’re really gonna panic,” she said softly. She shuddered. If their parents came out looking for them, it meant walking out into a blizzard, and all the danger that came with it. If she could just tell her mothers that she was safe, that she and Reggie had shelter… they could wait out the storm. Anything could happen, anything….

“Are you okay, Livia?” Reggie asked, and he handed her a heavy blanket as he sat down cross-legged in front of her feebly burning fire. “You look kind of spaced-out.”

“Hng?”

“They’ll find us; it’ll be okay.”

“I don’t want them to come and find us,” Liv snapped. “I want them to stay where it’s safe. They could get hurt or, or worse because we were stupid enough not to turn around when the weather changed.” She placed a stick too roughly, and her firewood tower collapsed, extinguishing the flame. “For fuck’s sake!”

Reggie, wisely, stayed quiet, letting his cousin fix up the mess and get a new fire started without interference. He watched her with concern as her eyes welled. “Livia…?”

She huddled close to him, but for a long while, didn’t speak.

“Reggie,” she murmured at last, “something really horrible happened a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t want to talk about it with you, ‘cause… ‘cause I didn’t even want to think about it…. It just made me feel too bad. But, uh.... I was… I was playing in the sea with Mama Estela. Just like we always do. We were just goofing off. Then, um, I got all tangled up in those freaking weeds. They grabbed me and held me under.”

“That must have been so scary….”

“Of course, Mom got me out of there. B-but there was a sea-snake in there. It bit her. It happened so fast… I hardly even saw what happened, but she suddenly just... could hardly even get out of the water. I somehow managed to haul her up out the water, but she was all limp and… and I gave her the anti-venom, and she just started having some kind of fit.. Like her body was jerking around, and her mouth was all frothy.” She gasped through a sob. “Then she… she stopped breathing, completely.” Liv shuddered as the memory filled her mind, vivid as if it were yesterday. She could feel Reggie’s wide, horrified eyes upon her. “I screamed. I screamed for help. Mama Taylor was up the beach, she couldn’t hear me. S-so I did CPR. My hands were shaking so-- so bad. And all I could think was ‘I’m gonna screw this up. I’m gonna screw this up and my mom’s gonna die’.” Her voice cracked and she sputtered through hot tears that she wiped away with her arm. Before she knew it, Reggie had his arms around her and was holding her tight. “I don’t know how long it was,” she said. “It felt like forever, but it was probably only a few minutes. Then she started breathing and I just… I cried, and cried, and cried.”

Reggie gently rubbed Liv’s back, and it soothed her.

“I, uh, I guess I always thought Mama Estela was invincible. To me, she always was. There was nothing I couldn't do either, because she would always be there to protect me. It was so close, Reggie… it looked like she was gone.”

“I… didn’t know it was as bad as that. My dad told me she’d been bitten but…,” Reggie mumbled. “You must have been so scared. Have you… have you talked to your moms about it much?”

Liv sniffed, and wiped her face again. “Yeah. You know what my Mama Taylor is like; we’ve talked it through lots, I’ve told them how I’m feeling. But I haven’t… like… had a big cry since it happened.” Until now. Now, she just couldn’t seem to stop the tears from coming. Reggie didn’t seem to mind; he just sat with her, and rubbed her back, and told her it was okay.

After what seemed like an age, her tears slowed.

“It is going to be okay, you know?” Reggie said gently. “Obviously, they’re going to come out looking for us, but they’re smart. They’ll be prepared; just like your Mama Estela was with the anti-venom.”

“Yeah…,” Liv said, her voice small. You could be as prepared as you wanted, but sometimes the world managed to stay one step ahead. The storm outside was wild and furious, battering on the roof and walls… and it was frightening. Liv could only snuggle under her cousin’s arm, and trust that whatever search and rescue party was out there would come through.

The two kids huddled together beneath their blanket, speaking little, but making their mutual support known without words. Just the squeeze of a hand through the most blood-curdling howls of the wind, and the simple offer of presence.

Somehow, the creak of the door shoved open cut through the dull roar.

“Oh, thank goodness!”

“Dad!” Reggie leapt forward and flung his arms around his father, his face lighting up further when Grace followed in behind. “Mom!”

Grace put her shaking hands to her son’s face, gently sweeping hair from his eyes. “Darling, are you all right?” Then she pulled Liv into a fierce hug, and in a moment Aleister had his arms around all three of them. “We were so worried!”

Liv whimpered against Grace’s shoulder. “Are my moms out in the storm?” She knew the answer already.

“Yes, honey. They’re out searching for you. Don’t you stress, okay? We’ve got a flare to set off so they’ll know we found you here-- and Varyyn and Diego too.”

“Woah,” Liv murmured, “you got a whole search party out.”

There was a buzzing, and the flickering of blue light, then Iris materialised.

Reggie beamed. “Hey, Grandma! So, a ‘whole search party’ is pretty much correct.”

“I will say, being able to scan for nearby lifeforms is quite handy in situations like these.”

So, find my moms and Tio Diego. Liv hugged tighter to her Auntie Grace, with no words pleading for help.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Grace said gently, stroking Liv’s face, while Aleister saw to setting off the flare. “It’s going to be just fine. We’re not far from Elyys’tel; we all fanned out from there, so no one is going to be too deep into the mountains.”

That… actually made sense. It was enough, just enough to keep Liv a step above panic-mode. She headed back to the fireplace, but as her backside hit the floor, a guttural roar rocked the cabin, and she leapt back to her feet.

“What the--?”

“You two stay back!” Aleister ordered, his voice shaking. Why, oh why, did the children want to go gallivanting out in the frozen wilderness when there was a perfectly serviceable tropical paradise right outside their front door? He was going to be old before his time at this rate….

Grace, though, was already hauling open the door, to reveal the hulking figure of the Mountain Guardian.

A growl rumbling in her throat, Arktos loomed in the doorway, looking down at Grace with a questioning gaze.

“Hello…?” she said cautiously. The gigantic bear-like creature was generally reasonably friendly…. “Did we… did we disturb you with the flare?”

Arktos grumbled, her furry ears flicking with curiosity.

“Our friends are out there in the storm,” Grace continued, certain that the yeti would understand; her past experiences had only supported the fact that this creature was incredibly intelligent-- and benevolent. “The flare was to bring them to this cabin.”

With a soft huff, Arktos shuffled backwards, and all of a sudden, it seemed as though she was surrounded by a force-field… a bubble that the wind and blinding snow couldn’t penetrate.

Understanding, Grace turned to Iris. “I think we’re going hiking again-- with a little extra help this time. Al, you’ll stay and watch the kids?”

“I--I--” Aleister stuttered. “Well, of course. Stay close to the… the bear thing.” Scrambling a little, he pulled off his outer layer and offered it to her. “I won’t have you catching hypothermia.”

And Grace stepped into the snow, Iris hovering behind her, and found shelter in the yeti’s protective shield. She looked up at the beast, now rearing up onto colossal hind legs to scout for signs of nearby human activity. “Thank you, Arktos. I guess… I guess, you choose the direction, and we’ll start the search.”

The unusual trio headed out into the storm, and within moments, they were invisible for the wind thick with snow. Aleister, a look of dumbfoundment upon his face, closed the door, and again, the cabin was quiet.

“Damn. Auntie Grace is a fricking badass,” Liv breathed, face alight in awe.

Aleister, recovering from his wife’s shock exit quickly-- he’d seen her steely courage in action enough times to just about take it in his stride, nodded. “Indeed.” He brushed the last flakes of snow from his coat, and looked around the room. “Well, I don’t suppose the wait will pass any faster with us standing around here. Reggie, did we leave any board-games here last time?”

“Uh, looks like we’ve got ‘Scrabble’?”

Well, Liv thought, I don’t have a hope in hell against these people. Should’ve left ‘Twister’ here….

Reggie sat himself down in front of the crackling fire and started unpacking the box. “Hey, Livia-- team up with me?”

He was clearly still a little worried about her. If there was an opportunity to thrash her at something, Mr Pedantic-Always-Right would take it without fail. Or so Liv had believed.

She plonked down cross-legged beside him. “Yeah? Yeah, all right.”

The two kids exchanged a high five, and Liv couldn’t help but grin. You are going down, Uncle Al.

___________________________

San Trobida, September 2035

As the car pulled up the neatly paved pathway to Aleister and Grace’s house, Liv excitedly rolled down the window.

“Reginaaaaald!!!” she hollered.

“How,” Aleister wondered aloud, “can such a small person-- and the offspring of Estela and Diego of all people-- sound so eerily like a bloody foghorn?”

A beaming Reggie followed his father out the front door. He exchanged hugs with both his parents-- and his two little sisters-- and then rushed to join his cousin on the back seat.

“Are you ready to go, mijo?” Estela checked in, suppressing a laugh as Taylor all but did a contortion act to give her nephew a hug from the front seat.

He had Liv, didn’t he? So, basically, he was ready for anything.

The short drive to the school saw the return of those pesky jitters, and Reggie knew from the way his cousin jiggled her leg the whole way there that he was definitely not alone in that. The school ground, filled only with kids their own age when they’d been there for orientation, was swarming with adolescents of all sizes-- and just about all of them were bigger than Reggie and Liv.

With an awkward hug and a kiss to her mothers in the front of the car, Liv bit the bullet and, bulging backpack in hand, stepped out into a brave new world. There was only one thing for it; Reggie would just have to take the plunge. He swung his backpack over his shoulder, and followed after his cousin.

“Welp,” said Liv, “here goes nothing!”

Reggie gave a nervous laugh and playfully bashed Liv with his backpack, putting a reassuringly silly grin on her face.

We’ve got this.

_______________________

NOTES

Little Xiraana is @mauvecatfic's baby. Check out her stories; you won't regret it!

If you read 'A Ride to Remember', you might remember Miel. She's the very same horse.

Aaaaand, the incident Liv is recounting during the snowstorm is the one you can read from Estela's perspective in 'Teething Problems: Part Two'.

[kingreywrites]

Even If It Hurts - Chapter 2 - The one they found

Fandom: Tangled

Word Count: 2366

Summary: There are days when the tears can't help but fall, no matter how much Rapunzel and Eugene don't want them to.

There are days when these tears are shed for family; for the one they lost, the one they found, and the one they created.

Chapter Summary: Despite trying, the words will not come. His breath is cut off by the tears he won't shed, taking too much place in his chest until he feels nothing but them. He doesn't want to cry, but he's not sure if it's stopping talking or keeping at it that will tip him over the edge. Maybe there's no escaping this.

Note: Eugene’s turn >:)

Read on ao3

1. The one they lost ; 2. The one they found

Eugene... Eugene doesn't cry often. It doesn't suit him. People think it's another example of him being conceited when he says he has an ugly crying face, because after all, everyone is ugly when they cry, but it's- it's more complicated than that.

Eugene is an ugly crier. He's a loud crier too, because he can't stand sitting around in deafening silence while his world feels like it's crumbling around him. He needs to move, to talk, to do anything so he can ignore his tears as much as possible and that made him an absolute nightmare to deal with as a child, or so he was told.

He doesn't remember crying often enough to be an annoyance. He does remember, somewhat, the feeling of being scolded by people who were as tall as giants, yelling for him to shut up. He's an adult now, and he's not sure if this is a memory or a dream, but he feels like there's definitely a part of truth in this. He probably deserved the yelling, to be honest, because he must have been impossible to deal with back then. Crying kids were annoying, and the matrons would often let them cry all night instead of doing anything (Eugene knew, because he was the one who got up and read them stories so they could calm down); he had always been extra annoying, making potential families flee with his general attitude. A mix of the two was definitely headache worthy, so they did their best for him to stop crying.

They mostly succeeded.

Eugene can count the number of times he cried in the last five years on the fingers of his hand - and it's exactly once, when he was about to die and leave Rapunzel behind. He had been terrified, for her and for himself, and the tears had come naturally. He had been too tired to fight them. After that, though, he had begun his no crying streak anew, and it was only a deaged Lance that nearly broke it.

Eugene has a soft spot for crying kids, it's not his fault.

But Lance didn't make him cry. Getting hurt during their adventures didn't make him cry, practically betraying the woman he loved most didn't make him cry, meeting his long lost father didn't make him cry-

Except.

Except they go back to Corona, Eugene with one father more and one friend less. They go back, and Rapunzel is a mess, so he tries to be there for her when she needs it, tries to be the support she has trouble asking for. And then, his father- Edmund comes back, with dreams of reconnecting with his long lost son, and Rapunzel is excited at the prospect, and Eugene wants Rapunzel to be happy and... He gets roped into a weird adventure, and despite the still present hurt, Edmund and him make amends.

He still doesn't cry. He has no reason to anymore, after all.

So when the tears come anyway, the overwhelming mix of anger and shame nearly chokes him with how suddenly it takes over him. He flees his conversation with Edmund with the flimsiest excuse, and practically runs to his bedroom in a desperate dash for privacy.

He won't cry. "I won't cry," he repeats out loud, unsure of who he's trying to convince - but his voice wobbles on the last word.

He closes his fists, takes a deep breath, and holds it in for as long as he can in fear of a sob breaking out of his chest. His eyes are burning and nothing is working and he's going to cry but- but-- He grabs the first object he can get his hands on and throws it down harshly, cringing at the sound of broken glass that follows. Through the blurring of his eyes, he understands that it was a glass of water, and that makes him feel like even more of an idiot because- because-

He can't breathe. He stumbles and sits down heavily on his bed, putting his palms over his eyes in the vain hope of stopping the process - but he can already feel the ugly twisting of his face as he tries to keep it all in, and soon-

"Eugene?"

He startles badly, and turns towards the voice, blinking his eyes rapidly. Of course she's here now. "Sunshine," he laughs, or coughs, he isn't sure, and he can see more clearly for now - clear enough to notice the frown clearly forming on her face, or the concern in her eyes. "What- uh, what are you doing here?"

His voice is still wobbling. Kindly, Rapunzel doesn't comment on it.

"A handmaiden heard a crash in your room," she smiles gently, looking at the broken glass on the ground. "She was worried, so she told me."

"Ah. Yeah, that, be- be careful about the glass, I don't want you to cut your feet because of me. Because, you know," he babbles as she quietly makes her way over him, "going barefoot everywhere can be dangerous. Well, you obviously know that, and I'm not trying to tell you what to do but- uh... that's... something to consider?" he finishes lamely.

Rapunzel doesn't answer him, simply sitting down next to him. Her shoulder is warm against his. She smells like strawberry, today, and he wonders if she was in the middle of one of her baking endeavours. He hopes he hasn't interrupted her, all because he grew too angry and threw a freaking glass to the ground like an idiot, probably scaring some poor handmaiden in the process.

"Eugene," Rapunzel repeats, in that way she has of saying his name full of love and affection, and free of any judgement. "Are you okay?"

Once again, Eugene tears up like a baby. He starts looking stubbornly at the wall, in the vain hope that she doesn't see it.

"Oh you know," he laughs, the sound bitter and angry, "just trying to strike a discussion with my dear old father- that wasn't even a father to me until like two months ago!" His voice gets loud again, but the remarks about being an annoying crier are forgotten for a second, as he tries to explain. "And here I come, simply trying to understand hi- to understand my life better, and he- he- he refuses!" Eugene stutters painfully, feeling his breaths getting caught in his chest.

His cheeks are hurting from the way they're scrunching up unnaturally. His hands are balled around the sheets of his bed, and he feels like he's falling apart at the seams, trying to hold himself together through sheer willpower. It's not working. And so he keeps talking, hoping that his mouth will move faster than his mind, and that it'll be enough.

"He's really- He really thinks because he's my father he has a right to decide what's good for me but he- he lost that right," he exclaims, voice breaking on the "lost", heart breaking at the memories. "Each time I think I'm forgiving him, each time... Each time I think we can be family, I remember just how much he fucked up, and how that fucked me up, and I- I-"

He can't take a breath after that, but Rapunzel softly takes his hand, and his lungs somewhat remember what they're supposed to do.

"It's okay to be angry, Eugene," she whispers, her voice so quiet next to his and yet echoing louder in his mind. "No one expects you to be okay immediately."

"Really?" he laughs, a short burst that doesn't convince anyone, "because Edmund expects me to be fine with him. A lot of people think it's so great that I'm actually a Prince, and can't even imagine- can't- he abandoned me!" Eugene explodes. "He abandoned me, as a child, and he knew how much I was suffering, he had all the wanted posters! He knew I was thieving to survive and... And that means he knew about the nights sleeping outside, being so hungry I felt like my stomach was eating itself. He knew about the living out there in the cold, he knew about me nearly getting killed on a daily basis, he maybe even knew about that time I thought Lance was going to die and I was going to be all alone and-"

He can't finish that sentence. He still hasn't looked at Rapunzel, but he feels her thumb slowly stroking his hand, gently trying to calm him down.

"He knew," he breathes out quietly, heart thumping in his chest. "And I know he had his reasons but- but I didn't deserve that. I know I didn't." Rapunzel hums quietly. His head hurts. His throat feels raw, and he remembers that he's an ugly, loud crier, will you shut up Eugene-

But he won't shut up. He wants to, really - he wishes he was strong enough to compose himself but... He hasn't had a proper breakdown in a decade, and it's all crashing down on him, bringing everything he built down with it.

"I asked him about my mom," Eugene admits quietly, "and he didn't want to talk about it. Said it was- a touchy subject for him. As if- as if it isn't for me," he chuckles, feeling really cold. "Two months ago, I didn't know I had a mother, and now I'm grieving a nameless woman I only saw in a painting, all because he- he- because he-"

Despite trying, the words will not come. His breath is cut off by the tears he won't shed, taking too much place in his chest until he feels nothing but them. He doesn't want to cry, but he's not sure if it's stopping talking or keeping at it that will tip him over the edge. Maybe there's no escaping this.

"It's so stupid," Eugene rages, against Edmund and against himself, his voice way weaker than he wants it to be. "I- I should be happy right? But- He's so- he- this is stupid! And- And who even names their kids Horace?!"

Of course that's the exact moment Eugene can't hold back his tears anymore. For fucking Horace, when it was supposed to be a joke so he could get a grip on himself. But maybe it's not just the name. Maybe it's about meeting someone who did so much harm to you, and having to fight them over the simple thing of being called your chosen name, like you had to fight so many people before him; maybe it's about spending years hating everything that made you who you are, before finally coming to terms with your identity, finally seeing something worth loving in yourself, only to discover that it was all a lie anyway.

In the end, it doesn't matter. Eugene starts crying, and tries to hide his face in his hands, but Rapunzel doesn't let go of the one she's holding. His head is swimming. She tugs him towards her, and suddenly he's sobbing on her shoulder, feeling like a pathetic idiot for it. And of course he doesn't stop babbling, about how stupid this all is, and how he shouldn't even be crying anyway, because there was way worse in life and he was fine.

Rapunzel doesn't say much. She tells him to breathe, mostly, and gently congratulates him when he does. She tells him that he's okay. She tells him that she loves him.

She doesn't say much, but she says exactly what he needs.

"I'm sorry," he chuckles wetly, shivering a little when he feels her fingers on the nap of his neck. "This isn’t… You already have a lot on your shoulders, and I'm putting more weight on them. Quite literally."

He hopes for a laugh at the joke, hopes he can pretend again that everything's fine and that he has absolutely no issues with discovering where he's from more than twenty years late.

"Eugene," Rapunzel says instead, her voice tainted by an unmistakable seriousness, "I don't care about what's going on for me, I- I always want you to be able to confide in me." She sounds sad. He remembers these times, when he was worried it was his fault that she preferred to cry alone; if he had done anything that made her feel like she couldn't trust him with her sorrows.

He wonders if he made her feel the same. He wonders if she also feels the same as he does on the subject - not that there's a lack of trust, but a deep desire to protect the other from everything that could needlessly hurt them, even if it's their own emotions. Eugene doesn't rely on others easily; neither does Rapunzel.

After all this time, he's still sometimes surprised to see how similar they can be.

"I'm sorry," Rapunzel breathes out this time, and she keeps him from straightening up as she continues. "I'm sorry I've been so busy and preoccupied, I… I hate that you've been hurting, and that I wasn't here for you."

Eugene's automatic answer is to deny this, but he still has his head on her shoulder, after basically breaking down for who knows how many minutes, so he doesn't think she'll believe him. He is hurting, even if it's hard to admit. He hasn't been quite the same since the Dark Kingdom - since meeting his father, since losing Cassandra, since seeing the love of his life so broken over the betrayal. He hasn't been the same, but he also hasn't allowed himself to be different, because it was never the time for him to simply… allow himself to be sad.

"We're both hurting," he finally answers, tightening his grip around her slightly. "I- I think we're just trying our best, you and me. I think… I think that's okay, for now."

He's still sniffling. His face is uncomfortably hot from the crying, and he really doesn't want anyone to see the mess he is right now. But in her arms, Eugene forgets to care. He forgets about the scoldings he once received, forgets about his fears of being judged, and just hugs Rapunzel for as long as he can.

They stay like this for a long time.

[personasintro]

My Tiny Secret | 10; Weirdness

𝑴𝒚 𝑻𝒊𝒏𝒚 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕 𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒆 | 10; Weirdness

⏤𝒔𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔; Pretty face doesn’t make it up for an ugly personality. And Kim Seokjin is the perfect proof of that.

⏤𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: seokjin x reader

⏤𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: angst, smut

⏤𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: toxic relationship, mistress au, strong language

⏤> 𝒇𝒊𝒄 𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒙

It's six in the evening, sharp, as Seokjin calls it a night. The black suit that's thrown over his chair ever since this morning is another reminder that he's been stuck in his office for the whole day. He can't even feel hunger from how his stomach shrank from the lack of food.

He shuts down his laptop with a loud click before he slides his long arms into the holes of his fancy suit. There's a soft knock on the door and without waiting for his response, it's already pushed open.

“Hey, you already going?”

The sound of his friend's, but most recently a new partner, resounds in the empty office and it's like a bomb to Seokjin's ears. He's been accompanied with silence for the whole day, going over some papers that his assistant has pilled on his desk. It's his fault that he wants to be included in everything. He's the CEO after all.

Except occasional calls, he barely talked to anyone today. His head was buried in stack of papers and the bright screen of his laptop so much, that his eyes sting with occasional headache coming and leaving every few minutes. Maybe that's why he feels so irritated by everything.

It's supposed to sound as a joke, Namjoon teasing his friend once he sees it's only six in the evening. Seokjin usually leaves around nine or ten. But Seokjin doesn't crack a smile, not that his friend ever expected him to.

“Yeah,” he blinks, feeling how dry his eyes has become. “I need to run some errands.” he says, mentally cringing how it sounded coming from his mouth and ignores Namjoon's taken back gaze.

“What are you doing here anyway?” Seokjin asks with a mutter in his voice, not even paying a proper attention to him while he grabs his phone from the desk.

He doesn't know what comes over him, but he checks for any notification from you. You surely didn't forget, did you?

“I was having a meeting.” Namjoon answers, watching his friend grabbing his belongings in an awful rush.

“What?” Seokjin scoffs with chuckle, giving his friend a doubting look. “Your meeting ended three hours ago.”

Of course, he knows. It's no surprise for Namjoon that Seokjin knows about it, despite of him being hidden in the office since this morning.

“We were discussing important things about our contract with your assistant.”

For a second, Seokjin feels as if he made a mistake for sending his assistant to have a meeting with his friend.

“Please, refrain from flirting with my assistant while you're in the company.” Seokjin tells him, sending a glare at his friend's flushed face at the oblivious. Well, it's not like he tried to hide it that much.

“What's with the rush?”

Seokjin stops in his tracks, a cold sweat dripping down his neck for some reason.

“Is your wife waiting for you?”

Namjoon wiggles his brows in teasing manner, completely ignored by Seokjin who scratches his chin.

“Yeah, now get out of here. Go home.” he tells his friend, who is completely used to his attitude and only grins at him in response.

He got her phone number, he's pleased and ready to go home.

And so is Seokjin, but the difference is that he's only ready to go however, he's not going home.

The hallway and the same set of doors in it is very familiar to him, despite of him not being here for a week. He chose this apartment building and the apartment itself by himself. The key to it is well hidden in the pocket of his slacks, and it almost burn against his skin as he thinks about it. It's not right and he contemplated what to do, until he knocks on the front door and all his thoughts disappear.

He almost thinks you're not going to answer, and he pathetically stands in front of the door growing embarrassed that someone might see him. Even his fingers twitch alongside his body and he complements of using that key, invading your privacy. But then you open the door with slightly widened eyes, your hair slightly disheveled as you hug the material of your robe closer to yourself.

“Seokjin?” you ask quietly, suddenly awake of the sight of a tall man standing in front of you. “I thought you wouldn't come.” you tell him as you open the door wider for him, turning around with flushed cheeks.

He barely pays you any attention as he takes off his shoes, putting it nicely to your almost empty cupboard.

It's weird not seeing the huge amount of Hoseok's sneakers there. But rather than dwell on that thought, you nervously hug yourself even more considering your appearance right now.

“I texted you.” he points out and you vaguely remember his text he sent you this morning.

It was something along the lines “I want to visit Yoojin tonight”, no please as usual.

“I know, I just thought you wouldn't come.” you mutter quietly under your breath, walking to the living room with Seokjin trailing behind you.

“You look like shit.” he comments out loud and you can't even muster a glare at him from the tiredness that makes your muscles ache.

You sit onto the soft spot on your couch, closing your eyes for a brief moment. “Yeah, thanks,” you say ironically, rolling your eyes. “I haven't slept the whole night. Yoojin was being cranky, I think his tummy hurt.”

Seokjin spares you a glance, seeing you rub your eyes and yawn right after. He notices how swollen your whole face is and even catches a look at the bags under your eyes.

“Where is he?” he asks looking around.

You don't seem to be offended by his ignorance towards you, you've learnt not to expect some empathy from him long time ago.

“He's sleeping.” you swallow that small 'finally' that threatened to escape.

You'd feel as a bad mother if you even said it out loud, but it's true. He's never been this cranky ever before, you barely slept and managed to take a nap just an half an hour ago. If it wasn't for Seokjin's knocks, you'd still be sound asleep.

“Has he never cried before?” he asks dumbfounded, confusion crossing over his features.

It annoys you, because he'll never understand the struggles you had to overcome as a mother. From your birth to sleepless nights while your body was, still is, recovering from Yoojin's birth. You'd never admit it out loud, especially to Hoseok, but it's way harder to live alone with a baby.

“He did,” you breathe out. “But we always took turns with Hobi.”

The nickname freely leaves your mouth, and you don't give it that much thought because you sure miss him too much. Despite of him calling and face-timing you every night, it still gets lonely without him by your side. You always knew how much he has helped you, way before Yoojin was born, but this only reminds you of it even more.

“I can watch over him,” he speaks out, jaw locked in place as you look at him with stunned look. “You should take some rest.”

It sure is a hell of a surprise, hearing that suggestion to even come out of his mouth. He never even was all alone with Yoojin, you were always there to make sure he holds him right and it's not like Seokjin wanted it otherwise. He always asked if he's holding him right. On the other hand, are you really confident about leaving him alone? You can't help yourself but doubt him and it looks like he can see right through you, speaking out.

“I'm not going to kidnap him, if that's what you're worried about.” he raises his brow at you, letting you know that yes, he knows what you were thinking about.

“T-that's not- what- I wasn't--” you stutter over your words, covering your face with your face as you exhale with a tired sigh.

“It's okay,” he cuts you off, waving his hand as he takes off his suit off revealing the dress shirt underneath it.

It's almost weird seeing him wearing his usual attire. Seeing him with hoodie and jeans seemed much cleaner these days.

“Go take some rest.” he tells you, feeling annoyed that you still have doubts clearly written all over your face.

“Okay,” you whisper. “He's in his prim since I couldn't make him to fall sleep, that was the only thing that helped. I'll take him to a guest room and leave the room open, so you can hear him if he starts to cry.” you tell him and he nods along, fishing his phone out as he stares at the screen.

That's your cue to go to your bedroom, taking the pram and glancing at Yoojin who peacefully sleeps. As you walk out of the bedroom, Seokjin is standing in the living room and once he hears you coming, he walks to you. You stop, trying to hide the surprise on your face. Something feels weird.

“I just want to see him.” he whispers under his breath, glancing at Yoojin whose soft breaths can be heard.

He lightly coughs, walking back to the couch and you slowly place the prim into the guest room. When you come back, Seokjin turned on tv, volume so low that you can barely hear it and you wonder if he did it on purpose. Overthinking is a huge part of you whenever you stress over something, and that something is the father of your child right now. He seems almost comfortable, too comfortable, on the couch as he looks at the screen. He glances at you, or more like glares at you when he sees you standing there silently watching him.

The weirdness in the room is more than unfamiliar, and you don't know whether you welcome it or not. It's obviously something new and you wonder when it ever stops. Every time he comes to visit, there are new feelings around the both of you.

“I made some fried rice, there's not much in the fridge, didn't have enough time to buy something but uh, there are some leftovers. So feel free to eat, if you're hungry, of course.”

He silently watches you as you ramble, fiddling with the hem of your thin robe that feels so small underneath his dark eyes he stares at you with.

“Thanks.”

Did he just say thanks?

Turning around, you silently shut the door and quickly scurry to the comfort of your bed. It only takes a few relaxed breaths and you're out, finally getting some rest. Behind the doors, there is Seokjin standing up and aiming straight to the kitchen finding the leftovers on the stove. There is a lot of it and he doesn't bother to take out plate, eating it right of the pan and he moans at the home cooked meal on his tongue.

It's been a long fucking time since he tasted home cooked meal.

taglist: @kpopyandere​ @btsxarii​ @nostalgicstudyblr​ @rkivemagic​ @0minabean0​ @ughtear​ @queensavage1245​ @choppe96​ @mtgforall​ @jalexa83​ @euphoriugh​ @baekimseokjin​ @quirkyanya​ @ladyartemesia​ @seoulazzyy​ @sinstae​ (comment on the most recent chapter to be added)

[staruplatinum]

Stay With Me

I co-wrote this with @risottostitties a while back, and I just got around to posting it now. She’s a god at writing Abbacchio btw, and this was written for my oc/Leone but I edited it so everyone can enjoy 🎉

summary: reader comforting drunk Abbacchio after he confesses his past.

It’s angsty but has a cute ending. (abbacchio says I love you for the first time!) enjoy!

3.2K words

Abbacchio was on the floor, surrounded by bottles of alcohol. Was he crying? “Jesus Christ.” You panicked, dropping your things on the floor and rushing to his side. What the hell happened? He must have been doing this for a while now because you could see how bloodshot his eyes were, even though they were only opened a little bit.

“Fuck! Leone ! What -“ you were so confused, and scared. You worried he might have gotten alcohol poisoning, but that was just your “worry-wart” mind and you knew you were just overreacting. You took deep breaths and calmed yourself down, taking a deep breath before laying down on the floor across from Abbacchio.

You understood it now, he obviously had some sort of unresolved trauma. If there was one thing you knew about trauma survivors.. it was to never touch them in a state like this because they may not want it. You had to respect that since you didn’t know what you were dealing with here. It broke your heart to see him cry, but he needed someone right now and you needed to approach this cautiously.

“I don’t know what happened, but when you want to talk, I’ll be right here. “ You said, smiling softly at him. You needed him to know that you were serious about.. helping him through whatever this was. You wanted to be there for him, to be the girlfriend he needed.

“I’ll lay here all night, if I have to.” Frankly, while this was something you didn’t expect, you were just happy to see him alive. You were so worried that he might have been dead. Your mind started going to the more logical side of things. He needed food and water or else he’d be puking soon if he hadn’t already. That, and he’d have an awful headache in the morning. You weren’t going to leave his side though. Instead, you reached your hand out across the cold floor, hoping he’d hold yours and ground himself, in a sense. You didn’t think he was sober enough for that, though.

It took Abbacchio a second to even register the fact that someone had come into his apartment. When did you get here? He must have made you worried... he could add that to the ever growing list of why Leone Abbacchio was a disgusting waste of oxygen.

"You shouldn't stay. I'm a filthy ex cop and a pathetic excuse of a man. I'll only drag you down and make you hate me if you stay. You deserve someone better, not someone who got a good man killed because he took a fucking bribe and ruined his life." Abbacchio choked out, the alcohol causing some slurring of his words and also removing his filter.

It took a minute before he realized exactly what he said to you. Fuck, he told you about it. He told you about his partner and now you were going to fucking hate him. Would it have been better to keep lying? Probably. He could have at least prolonged your relationship, instead of sabotaging it less than a month in. He really was a pathetic piece of work, wasn't he?

"You deserve better, you deserve so much better. Fuck I'm... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't deserve you, I don't deserve to be here while a good fucking man is dead. He had a wife and a kid! Fuck, its my fault that kid is growing up without his dad. I should have been the one shot, not him. Fuck!"

Abbacchio was starting to talk in circles, tears leaking from his eyes as he sobbed and curled in on himself. He didn't deserve your kindness. He didn't deserve you right now, laying on the floor with him and being so heart breakingly kind.

"I'm going to fail you too in the end. You'll get hurt if you stay, I know you will. I fuck up every good thing that's ever happened to me and I know that you'll hate me eventually. So just... please, don't let me do that to you. You deserve so much better-" Abbacchio's words were cut off by a heaving sob.

He wanted to beg you to stay though, beg you not to leave him and not to hate him but he couldn't do that. He didn't deserve to be happy and he knew that, and he didn't want to guilt you into staying with him by being an emotional pussy. You deserved better than someone who needed alcohol to work through anything like this. You deserved a good man who could give you a house and children like you wanted.

Anything Abbacchio gave you would be tainted by him. A house, a marriage, children, he'd somehow find a way to ruin all of that. Someone as kind and beautiful as you didn't deserve that. All he ever wanted to do was help people. Even joining the mafia he wanted to help people. But he managed to fuck everything up no matter what he did. He was a loser who couldn't even keep his one dream in life after he achieved it and you didn't deserve that.

"Fuck, I-... Fuck!" Abbacchio didn't know what else to say, having already made a fool of himself. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I fucking... dragged you into this. You shouldn't be here right now you should be having fun. Not fucking... laying on the floor with some alcoholic loser..."

Ah. So that’s what it was. You listened to him, and sat up, pulling his head into your lap as he cried.

“Shh. Shh. It’s okay. I have you.” You said, trying to help him control his sobs. You knew it was falling on deaf ears though, as he continued to go on about everything. You remained silent though, letting him vent it out. “Leone.” you said, your tone more serious than any other time you had spoken to him. “Leone listen to me. You aren’t a bad person and you aren’t a corrupt cop. What you did was not something that every other police man didn’t do in the past.” You began to say. While you didn’t know the context of what the bribe was for, you could tell that deep down Leone was reluctant about it. “Your friend getting shot was not your mistake. If he chose to take a bullet for you, then that’s on him. When you are in that line of work you should expect death at every corner - the same as you do now with being in the mafia.”

It honestly wasn’t your place to say any of this but the more he went on about it the more you realized that he didn’t need to feel as guilty. He wasn’t blowing it out of proportion and losing someone was never easy, but you didn’t want him to have to cry like this constantly when his partner chose to save him.

“I don’t know what exactly happened that day, and I’ll never know exactly how you feel either. I have my own traumas to deal with. But what I do know is that your friend wouldn’t have wanted you to be like this. He saved you for a reason. If that reason is for you to join the mafia and protect Bruno? Then so be it. But you have a purpose here, Leone. As much as you don’t think you deserve anything ‘good’ in your life - you do.”

You ran your fingers through his hair as you heard his sobs start to die down a little. That was a good sign, at least. It was quite honestly making you tear up a little, seeing him cry like this. You had loved him for a while now and you wanted to be... so much more doting. But what could you do? They had only dated a month, at that.

“And you can try your hardest but I promise you I am one stubborn girl. You make me happy, even at your worst so it’s gonna be hard to scare me off or make me leave.” It was true. You could be stubborn at the best of times. Maybe a lesser woman would have ran away after seeing Abbacchio like this. But not you. This only proved your love for him.

Frankly, if anyone left him in this state then they’d be the lowest scum of the earth. He needed someone right now, and you wanted to be here.

“I want to help you, Leone. I want to be your girlfriend. I don’t care what the future holds for us I just want us both to be happy. I’m not going to let anything get in the way of that. You deserve happiness. You aren’t dragging me down in the slightest ”

There was more you wanted to say, but what? What could you say? You loved him, - that she knew -but he probably didn’t want to hear that right now - and that was fair. You knew your words were coming out choppy anyways, but now that he was somewhat calm, your concerns were on something else.

Leaning down, you placed a kiss on the top of his head before brushing the hair out of his face. His sobs died down completely, only various sniffles echoing in the room.

Abbacchio reacted to you putting his head on your lap by turning over and immediately trying to hide his face by pressing it into your stomach as he clung to you. He didn't want you to see how pathetic he looked as he shook and sobbed. Your words were too kind, he knew he didn't deserve them. Couldn't you see how much of a fuck up he was? Or maybe you did, but then why were you being so heartbreakingly kind? You couldn't seriously be accepting of all this, could you? The thought made him choke out another sob, clinging tighter.

Did he want you to hate him? To leave him? Or to stay? He didn't know any more, but for right now all he wanted was just to be here with you. He felt your hands start to card tenderly through his hair and despite himself the tension began to fade from his body. Your soothing voice and gentle affection starting to coax the sadness from him, causing his sobbing to eventually wane into the occasional hiccup and sniffle. His tears dried too, but he knew his face would be red and puffy and ugly to look at so he still tried to hide as best he could. " 'M sorry..." He mumbled again, half muffled by your clothes. He didn't want to move, he didn't want to go anywhere. This felt too nice, too safe, to even consider getting up.

“I’m going to get up and get you some water, yeah? I don’t want you having an awful hangover tomorrow.” You said, gently moving his head up and standing from the floor. You tried your very hardest to lift him up. He was sluggish from all the booze he drank but he could still move around. That was a good sign, at least.

He could feel you carefully freeing yourself from his grip and standing up. "Wait! Where..?" Were you really going to get up and leave him like this? He still had no idea what he wanted but if you left he'd definitely break again. His breathing started to pick up again until you explained that you were just taking him to their room. Their room. He liked the sound of that. Their room, their apartment, it was all really nice. He allowed himself to be helped up, leaning on you heavily as you guided him to their room. It was difficult to walk right now, swimming in alcohol as he was, but he tried not to let himself become too much of a burden on you like this. You were so small compared to him.

“Come on, baby.” He was heavy, but you let him rest his weight on your shoulders as you heaved him over to the bedroom. Once he was on the bed, you laid him back, taking his pants off. You knew he didn’t really sleep in Pyjamas because he got hot easily. Hell - sometimes he didn’t even wear a shirt. It was little things like this that you remembered, and you wanted to make him as comfortable as possible. You covered him in the duvet, before heading to the kitchen for some water. You knew he should probably eat something too.. but what? You knew Abbacchio would crash soon, so you opted to make him something light and easy on the stomach - some toast. That was easy enough anyways.

He knew he should be the one helping and protecting YOU, not the other way around. But he didn't complain as you helped him out of his clothes and helped him get comfortable in the bed. It was cold without you there, but it was comfortable. He supposed he could handle this for a bit. He watched you get up again, opening his mouth to protest when you explained again that you were just getting him some water and something to eat. Right water. He hadn't had anything to drink except alcohol all day, and barely ate anything too. He needed to have something otherwise he'd be sick tomorrow. He knew this, and so did you. So he waited.

When the toast was ready you put some butter on it and tossed the knife in the sink, you’d clean it up afterwards. Walking to the bedroom you placed the toast on the nightstand, helping him sit up.

Abbacchio tried his very hardest not to sleep until you came back so he could make sure you stayed, and when you returned with toast and a glass of water he sat up. Abbacchio felt his head spinning at the sudden movement, but he tried his best not to get sick, leaning heavily on you for support while he nibbled on the toast and sipped at the water. He didn't have an appetite at all but he knew he needed to try and finish this otherwise you would be disappointed.

“You have to drink this okay?” you said. You felt a bit better when he drank some of the water. Good. “I un- I Made you toast. I don’t know what you like to eat on it but I just put some butter. You need something in your system or you’ll be puking everywhere - which I don’t mind, I’ll clean it all for you. I just.. want to make this easier on you, if I can.” you hummed, placing a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

You looked at him as you sat on the edge of the bed. Your heart hurt, genuinely. You loved this man and it bothered you that he was so hurt by this. You just wished there was more you could do.

"-re too good for me." He slurred, resting his head on your shoulder for a minute while he took a break from trying to eat.

"I love you so much. You're so... perfect. You're too nice. You deserve the world and I... I want to give it to you. I'm trying. I promise I'm trying I really-" Abbacchio felt himself choking up again as he took a drink from the water, coughing slightly before righting himself. He was trying. It might not look like it now but he really was trying. He'd been trying for a long time and he needed you to know that.

"I promise I'm... trying. To be better. So please don't leave." He repeated, vision growing hazy as he looked down at the half eaten toast. He felt... so tired after everything. Exhausted really. He just wanted to lay down and sleep it all off.

You tried to be as calm as you could, helping abbacchio drink the water and eat. He didn’t have to eat the whole thing, considering his stomach probably would hurt or it could cause him to puke, but you were still happy with what he ate. You almost dropped the plate when you heard Abbacchio utter the words I love you.

Fuck. You didn’t know what to think. Your heart was telling you to drop everything and kiss him passionately!! Tell him how you’ve loved him since you first laid eyes on him and how you want to marry him! But you stopped yourself.

Instead, you smiled and rubbed his arm gently before standing up.

“You’re drunk baby.” you said softly, pressing a kiss to his sweaty forehead. You tried not to “believe” what he said anyways. People say a lot of things when they’re drunk. Doesn’t mean they’re always true. Still, you wanted to believe.

“Hey hey.. it’s okay it’s okay. I know you’re trying Leone - that’s what matters.” you said, hugging him gently. “I’m not going to leave you, ever. Alright? I promise.” your hand brushed some stray hairs out of his face, and you smiled at him. He looked.. so sad.

It hurt you , to see him like this.

“I’m just going to put this dish away and turn the lights off, then I’ll come to bed. Okay?”

You needed to make sure that he understood you weren’t leaving ; but you couldn’t just drop here

When he nodded, You quickly disposed of the remaining toast and put the dish in the sink. There was a small pile up of dishes, and while that was a pet peeve of yours- you’d do it tomorrow. Right now abbacchio needed you. The dishes could wait.

You returned to the bed, quickly slipping on a t-shirt and taking your pants off before cuddling Abbacchio. You were the big spoon this time and that was fine, you really didn’t mind at all. As tired as he was, he still seemed somewhat agitated. Which was fair considering everything he went through. You paused for a moment - unsure of what else you could do, but then you had an idea. Leaning up on your elbow, you used your hand to gently caress his head while humming a soft lullaby to him.

When you were sure he was “almost” out, you pulled away and kissed his head once more.

“I love you too, Leone...” you whispered.

[wintersweetbou]

Glaiveweek 2020- Day 2. This Never Happened

Day 2 of Glaiveweek 2020! @glaiveweek

Prompt: Fun and Games- Prank Wars, Tickle Fights, Hide and Seek Warp Tag

Summary: A glitter bomb in Titus Drautos’s personal office starts a series of shenanigans never before seen in the Citadel. Eyebrows, laundry, and dignity are lost. For a moment, all hell breaks loose. Then the King walks in to check on his glaives. What he sees will never be forgotten.

Titus Drautos stretched, watching heavy raindrops spatter his window. Monday meant training with the glaives, supply forms, meeting with the king, and preparing his budget proposal for the council to approve... He rubbed his eyes tiredly. Getting the money needed to keep the glaive running was like pulling teeth out of those stingy bastards. 

A boom startled the Captain into glancing down below. Lightning flashed as a bunch of newer glaives ran from the safety of the parking garage into their headquarters. The greenhorns whooped at the cold, splashing each other as they ran. The more experienced glaives warped the distance, laughing. Titus smiled, and gathered himself together. Time to address the troops. 

Midmorning combat drills in the arena began with Titus circulating with critique. Nyx was quick, but needed endurance. Libertus had him panting after the first few rounds. Good team- balanced eachother out... Tredd lost his patience and was subsequently thrown by Luche into a wall. Crowe had to be repeatedly reminded that fire did not solve everything, and Pelna lost an eyebrow in her resulting demonstration that fire did indeed solve everything. The only senior members not giving Titus a headache were Axis and Sonitus- just smoothly sparring like everyone was supposed to be. 

The Captain massaged his temples as a resounding boom, flash, and cut off screech filled the arena. Crowe had not only broken through Pelna’s shield, but also managed to dash him against the ground hard enough to knock him unconscious. She was at his side, checking him over apologetically. Nothing broken, aside from some pride, and a probable concussion. 

“I’ll take him to the hospital. Crowe, no more magic in combat sparring! Tredd, if you don’t like the taste of dirt, change your approach! Luche, you are in charge while I’m gone. After drills, run through the warp course- focus on precision. And when we get back, meet in the briefing hall. Crownsguard wants to run security simulations in the castle- joint exercise might be good for us all.” Titus called out, after hefting the noodly Pelna in his arms.

Various murmurs of assent rose behind them as they left. Pelna came to a few minutes later, groggily settling into a seat in a crown fleet vehicle. The trip to and from the hospital was uneventful- Pelna would be fine if he took it easy, it was a mild concussion. The glaive was more embarrassed to have been carried off by his boss after passing out. The paperwork was minimal, and they were out of the hospital in no time. The glaive seemed more steady as time went on, but there was a slight wobble to his movements as they got back in the vehicle.

“I’m sorry for being a bother, thank you for the ride.” Pelna stated, eyes down as he buckled in.

 “I take care of my glaives. Be thankful it is only a mild concussion” Titus stated fondly.

By lunch they were back, and Titus explained the proposed joint field exercises with the crownsguard. The glaives seemed open to the idea. The captain delegated requisition forms work to Pelna for the afternoon, and asked that Crowe check in on him every so often. With peace seemingly achieved, Titus left them to afternoon resistance training and cardio. 

Crowe descended on Pelna the second the captain was out the door. 

“I was out of line, I am so sorry- are you ok?” 

“Mild concussion, just a bit tired. I’m ok, just don’t hit so hard, ok?”

“Yeah...I’ll check on you, no napping while concussed.” Crowe hugged him softly, smoothing his hair where it stuck up and running a finger where his left eyebrow no longer was. Pelna smiled softly, and hugged back. 

“Take it easy, Khara. I’ll be up after the first rotation.” She smiled, lightly tickling him under his arms. He flinched, squeaking, and fled when her smile turned predatory. She chuckled at his swift retreat, and turned to the weight room, where the other glaives had started. 

One rotation later, Crowe trotted up the stairs with a mug of tea to and down the hall to the offices, to find Pelna semi-asleep over a stack of forms and files. She smiled and slid the mug over the desk. 

“Pels? Peeellls? Wake uppp…” A murmur in response.  

“I brought tea, just the way you like ittt.” A grunt. 

“Please? I know it's hard, and my fault, so here is my support. Wake up!” A grumbled five more minutes mom had Crowe tickling his neck. He squirmed and hiked his shoulders up, slapping lightly at her hands. She slipped a hand under his arm and dug into his pit. Pelna squealed and burst into giggles. Crowe grinned as his arms crashed down, trapping her hand there. She kept it up for just a squidge more and then stopped enough for her to get her hand back. “Awake now?” She grinned at his tired nod. 

“Sorry. The lights kind of hurt my eyes, so I closed them for just a sec…” He rubbed the heels of his palms over his eyes, groaning. 

“Drink the tea, and there are some energy bars left in the snack drawer. I suggest breaks. It helped me when Libertus knocked me into that rock formation a few months back...I still haven’t repaid him for that…” 

“No more injuries today, Miss Altuis. Please?”

“Very well, Mister Khara. Drink, and eat. I promise no blood will be spilled by me today. But you gave me a lovely idea.” Pelna nodded tiredly and lightly sipped at the tea, letting the caffeinated warmth soak into his bones. Crowe skipped lightly back down the hall. Second rotation was about to begin, she had to hurry. Down the stairs she saw the door ajar and heard voices on the other side. Impatiently she yanked the door open and squawked as ice water drenched her, bucket settling over her head with a solid clunk. Laughter echoed throughout the weight room but stopped when they saw just who they had drenched.

Time stopped as she lifted the bucket, fire coursing through her veins. She scanned the room, looking for the guilty party. There. Libertus and Nyx, trying to look innocent for the amount of time it took for her to cross the room and lob the bucket at them. 

“We weren’t trying to drench you! Tredd was being a dick, and ran to get something...We were supposed to get Tredd!” Libertus said as Tredd burst back in the room, pausing at the puddle in the doorway, and then at the sight of Crowe sopping wet, holding a giggling Nyx by the throat. 

“So unprofessional. Such children. Much wow.”  Tredd grinned and turned back to the machines, continuing his reps. 

Crowe snarled, shaking Nyx, and released her grip on his shirt only to grab at his waist. Nyx yelped and curled in on himself laughing, just as she knew he would. She clawed into the meat under his floating ribs, earning a squeal, and followed as he sank to his knees. Crowe smirked- Nyx never could take side tickles, especially if you got your nails in there just right. Nyx squished himself forward into a tight ball, howling. She plopped down onto his back, searching for just the right angle. He thrashed weakly under her, and cried out to Libertus for help.  

“C’mon, we still need him. Release.” Libertus grunted as he attempted to slip an arm around her, only to be bitten on said arm in response. Libertus jerked back hissing. Crowe found the spot she was looking for, and Nyx broke into what the internet would call ugly laughter. He screeched and pleaded for mercy between desperate guffaws.

All in the weight room were now watching the kerfuffle as Libertus struggled to pry Crowe off Nyx. Libertus was easily the strongest glaive save the captain, but she was fighting dirty- biting, kicking. Calls of encouragement to Crowe, snickers, and fond sighs echoed around the room, training forgotten. Nyx was screeching in tears when Libertus finally hauled Crowe up, only for her to twist in his grip and jab into his ribs. He cursed and folded inward for just a sec, long enough for Crowe to clamber on his back and begin blowing vicious raspberries on the back of his neck where the braids left him exposed.  

“Release! Release!” Libertus roared, violently twisting to shake her off, getting desperate. Crowe never waivered, and continued as his strength waned. 

“How long do you think he will last?” Tredd snickered to Luche from his perch on the rowing machine. Luche leaned against the wall, smiling as Libertus started to snort between his growls at Crowe. 

“Dunno. He’s held on pretty good for a while now. Compared to some, anyway.” Luche gestured to Nyx, still panting in a ball on the floor mats. 

Tredd nodded, chuckling as Libertus broke, still thrashing, into a giggling fit punctuated by snorts of random intensity. Luche stretched, glancing out the one window- the storm still raging, even stronger now, since the rain appeared to be going sideways. Tredd snorted at the scuffle, drawing Luche’s attention back to the present. Libertus tapped out and Crowe relented with a smirk, sliding off his back and landing with a laugh. 

“Cardio in ten, then cooldown and then home.” Luche murmured. Tredd nodded absently, collecting his things, writing down their current weight and reps. The other glaives did the same, slowly collecting themselves and ambling toward the arena for laps and sprints. 

Pelna groaned, stretching his shoulders. So much damn paperwork for such stupid things. Every little thing from weapons to office supplies to toilet paper had to be requisitioned, signed, and returned for financial approval. This fucking sucked. He rubbed his eyes, and glowered at the stack of forms, slightly smaller, but still there. The captain stomped in then, looking worse for wear. 

“How was the meeting?” Pelna tried to appear chipper. 

“Slow. The council wants to challenge every little bit of our budget, and the king had little to offer…” The captain said, the anger in his eyes cooling into exhaustion.

“We're in this together, we appreciate you taking care of us.” Pelna glanced up, re shuffling the stack of papers. Drautos nodded, and walked back to his private office in the back of the cubicles, lightly shutting the door. Pelna shook his head. That. That was worse than doing boring forms all day. He couldn't imagine having to argue for toilet paper and keep a straight face. He turned back to his work, but startled when a loud pop and a shout exploded from Drautos’s office. Pelna shot up in concern, hearing vicious cursing, a second pop, and what sounded like furniture being tossed around. He was halfway across the office floor when the door to the captains office flung open, revealing Drautos, disheveled, wild eyed...and covered in fine, bright pink glitter. 

 “Are you ok Sir?” Pelna’s jaw dropped, then closed as he took in the fury building in the captain’s eyes and frame. The captain wordlessly held up the empty glitterbomb, and pointed to his office. Pelna slowly leaned around to peer into the sparkle blasted space. From the spray, it was rigged to blow when someone opened the main desk drawer, pointed right where one would sit at a desk, chest height. The second charge coated everything else. It was everywhere.The walls, part of the ceiling,the desk, cabinets, couch...the entirety of the floor...it would never come out of the cheap industrial carpet entirely…

The captain shook himself like a dog, shedding a fair amount of pink sparkles, but as with any fine glitter, it stuck to his skin and clothes. Pelna watched in silence as the captain strode over to glare into the mirror by the small kitchenette in the corner. He snarled, and rounded on the backpedaling glaive. 

“You're not the type for this kind of stupidity, Khara. Did anyone come to visit my office?” Pelna shook his head, glancing worriedly at the door. Drautos was not one for outbursts- his control was normally too strong, but the ridiculousness of the situation had worn that away.

“I don’t know who did this, but when I find out who..” Drautos grinned, all teeth. 

Pelna nodded, slowly backing towards the door. It might have been the light. It might have been Pelna’s concussion messing with his sight, but with a boom of thunder the power flickered out and Drautos’s eyes glowed blood red in the dark. Pelna’s heart skipped a beat as the captain laughed, talking to himself about what he was going to do to the prankster. It was too much, the glaive backed slowly out of the offices, turning to warn the others.

The group prepared in the arena, lightly warming up. The usual three laps around the arena for a main workout, and then one lap interval sprints for max overload. Lightning flashed overhead, the carbon dome of the arena showing the storm’s fury on full display. The glaives looked up into the gale. Some sleepy, some calm, some excited, and some indifferent. But they all looked. And the power flicked out. Murmurs of surprise flicked around the group, then of concern when Pelna warped into the arena. He staggered with the landing- stupid to warp while concussed- but he looked like a man on a mission. 

“Drautos is coming! Whoever in the mother of fuck did it needs to run for their lives- stat!”

“Who did what?” Luche steadied the teetering glaive, putting an arm around him for stability. 

“Who did what indeed, my glaives…” Drautos rumbled from the hallway entrance. There was a collective intake of breath at the sight of the captain of the kingsglaive plastered in pink glitter prowling along the edge of the arena. The newer glaives choked back grins, and the more experienced glaives barely held back dropped jaws. Pranking each other was one thing- a common occurrence even!- but glittering the captain? Unthinkable. Until now.  

“Since nothing is sacred, the afternoon cardio session will be different from the usual. I want the prankster. Until I get a name, we are going to play a little game.” The glaives dared not to move as their captain circled, grinning with no mirth. No one said a word as Drautos spun, shedding sparkles like a murderous Tinkerbell, typing in a long string of numbers into a security keypad. The building shuddered slightly, and red emergency lights flicked on every so often. Enough to see by, but not enough to see well. Lockdown. 

“Sir?...” Libertus began in concern, but was cut off by a laugh. 

“Lockdown, as you know, means that the doors to the outside are shuttered and barred, as are the windows, and passageways to the rest of the citadel. We are locked in. There is just the domed arena, and the facilities in the corners- the offices to the north, barracks in the east, armory in the south, and holding cells in the west... I want a name.” 

The glaives glanced at each other nervously. Pelna looked at the most rambunctious glaives- Nyx, Tredd, Libertus, Crowe, Luche...all had the wild eyes of kids being blamed for something they didn't do. The others peered into the darkness, innocence on their sleeves. Pelna’s brow furrowed. Who the fuck did it? 

“Until I get a name, we will be playing unfair hide and seek. For the next two hours, I will seek- and drag those I catch into the holding cells. Those who are caught will run laps and polish the armory for the next week.” A communal gulp spread through the soldiers. 

“Those of you who manage to remain free will have no punishment. If I get a name, all get off free and we forget this happened.” The group inhaled and steeled themselves. Nobody had a name to give, or had the balls to speak up. 

“Very well...you have two hours.” Drautos slid his phone out, set an alarm, slid it back in, and growled at his glaives. 

“One, two, three…” He slapped a palm over his eyes and snarled.

 Reality shimmered in the arena as all glaives present warped away at once, in a wave of effervescent fire, with an incredulous captain angrily counting to one hundred in the epicenter. The fleeing soldiers fanned out once out of hearing range. Pairs or trios of friends slipped into the gloom together, hoping to hide out, or have the option to sell eachother out. Nervous energy crackled in the dark between the red emergency lights. Where to hide? Who would get caught first? Excitement tinged the anxiety, and grins flashed in the maroon glow.

Pelna staggered down the southeast hallway- warping while concussed was awful, but doable. He glanced left- a pair of glaives scampering into the armory- Nyx and Libertus. The armory had crates of gear, weapon racks, a cargo bay, supplies....stacks of things to hide in or behind...not a bad idea. Three glaives slipped him on his right, headed towards the barracks. The barracks was the obvious choice for any seeker to start- rows of lockers, cots spread in small groups, little clusters of couches and tables. Not many glaives used the barracks often, it was just a spot to crash and heal between deployments, or for new recruits who hadn't any outside lodging arranged yet. Rent was fucking cheap, and so was the food brought in from the keep’s kitchens. Pelna stayed a month once, when he first started. It worked. 

An arm wrapped around his waist, and Pelna jolted back to reality, barely managing to restrain the punch to Crowe’s now grinning mouth. She pulled him into the shadows as a panicked shape skittered past. She held a finger against her lips, and pointed upwards. Pipes and vents ran the length of the hallway ceiling, supplying heat, air and water to the facilities. He raised his surviving eyebrow. There wasn't enough room for her to squeeze up there, let alone him, or that the air vents probably would not take their weight. She tugged him along, to the doorway to the armory, and pointed up again. He grinned- the main vent widened and dropped lower as it snaked into the armory. There was enough room for someone to curl up there in the darkness against the ceiling, definitely Crowe, probably Pelna. But both? Not without some severe cuddling. She dropped her stance, hooking her fingers together, gesturing to boost him up. His eyes widened, and he started to shake his head, but approaching footsteps quashed his thoughts. He stepped up, and jumped, boosted by Crowe. Pelna hauled himself up quickly, and slid into the shallow, low space. He spun, listening intently. He heard a grunt, and then grunted himself as Crowe popped up and tucked herself into his chest cavity. He held back a noise of surprise as she pressed her face into his neck, making herself comfortable. Or as comfortable as anyone was going to get wedged between a vent and drywall. The skittish steps passed as a lone glaive darted into the armory. They relaxed. 

“How did you know about this spot?” Pelna whispered.

“Growing up with Nyx and Libs taught me to find little nooks to hide in. Perfect spot to snipe paintballs from.” Crowe breathed, and Pelna felt her feral grin against his throat. 

“Still. How did you know we would both fit?”

“Promise not to tell?” He promised.

“Perfect napping spot. If you go to the office doorway, the hot air return is above the door. I've got a bit of canvas so my skin doesn’t stick to the metal, and some blankets up there. It's heaven.” She smiled. 

“That sounds like heaven. Can I steal a nap or two up there?” Pelna breathed. 

“Sure, as long as you leave snacks as tribute, and keep the secret..” He nodded.

The door below them to the armory crashed open. His arms slipped around her in shock, holding her close, both holding their breath, listening hard. They couldn’t see, but they could imagine.

“Here I am, glaives! Come out, come out, wherever you are…” Drautos called out into the dark armory. Silence greeted the captain, but he knew better. He grinned, settling into the game. He wanted to play with his glaives, a little mind game could give him a name faster as their nerves failed. He growled into the gloom, stalking around the edges, looking for disturbed gear and boxes. Nyx watched from his perch laying flat on the roof of a transport van. The captain was sticking to the upper armory, tapping on storage crates, Nyx was safe for the moment. As long as the captain didn’t come and check the spare vehicles by the loading dock…

The captain's snarl forced his attention back to the present, and Nyx trembled minutely. Drautos was almost to Lib’s crate- he had stuffed himself in an empty weapons crate, the only kind big enough for him to squeeze into. The captain continued along the row, tapping some, opening others….Nyx gripped the van’s roof rails tight. He was almost there. Two crates away. One crate. Libs! 

A choked sneeze echoed through the armory as Drauto’s hand descended towards the crate. The new recruit that slipped in at the last minute. He had dove behind a stack of crates by the door just as Nyx clambered up the van. Drautos grinned madly, teeth shining in the red light. The internal screaming was palpable from all parties but the captain, who personally favored evil glee. Nyx winced at the short scuffle. The captain had the new recruit in cuffs and out the door in under a minute. 

Hearing the two sets of steps pass, one steady, the other not so, Nyx peeped over the van roof. He hopped down, and ran as quietly as he could to Libertus. He tapped the lid, just like they used to do in their treefort back in Galahad before it all burned. Libertus cracked the lid slowly, then opened it fully at the sight of Nyx grinning like a madman. 

“He almost had you! He was right here! If that newbie hadn’t sneezed!” Nyx whisper-gushed. 

“What if he comes back? Get back up there!” Came the whisper-shouted reply. 

“It’s fine! It’ll take at least five minutes to lock up the newb and get back here. We have to stretch when we can. How comfy is that box anyway?” Nyx looked at Libertus, all crammed down in that cube crate. 

“My neck is killing me, but I’m good. Now hide! If we get caught cuz of you…!” 

Twin shadows darted into the armory, and Nyx jumped into the crate with Libertus without a second thought. It didn't quite work though- Nyx was now straddling a kneeling Libertus, their legs stuck solid against the sides of the crate, arms steadying each other. Nyx felt Libertus vibrate in silent fury, and he struggled not to laugh at the entire situation. 

The shadows paused, and stepped closer to the struggling pair. As they passed an e-light, their identity was revealed.  

Tredd snapped a pic with his phone, and did his best not to make any noise while laughing his ass off. Luche wheezed into a fist, trying desperately not to collapse at the sight. They gestured wildly at each other- Nyx waving happily, Tredd curling his hands into a heart in response, Luche pointing at the space under a nearby weapons rack, Nyx giving a thumbs up, and Libertus flipping everyone off. Luche slid under the rack and Tredd hid under a coat rack packed with old cloaks behind the doorway- after helping get the lid over the now officially stuck pair of galahdians in a box. 

Crowe and Pelna could partially see and hear all of the shitshow that happened next. The fact that their screams and laughing fits escaped notice was a miracle. It was fast, maybe two minutes, but the Citadel would never forget the moment when all dignity was lost. Time slowed, yet sped up at the same time. Like a demonic Rube-Goldberg machine on crack with yakety- sax playing in the background. 

Drautos returned to the armory with a sense that others were still hiding there. He threw the door open and bounded in. The door flew wide open and hit a pile of cloaks- something supposedly soft- with a painful clonk and a groan. Something on the far side choked on a giggle, and something close by it thumped in place. Drautos grinned, and advanced into the room uncaring of the poor glaive behind the door. He listened hard, and a large crate in the middle thumped again. The captain braced himself and popped the lid. Then all hell broke loose. 

Libertus shrieked and flailed, tipping the crate over on its side with Nyx cackling wildly plastered up against him. Drautos roared in surprise, then roared in laughter as he realized two of his finest were hopelessly stuck. Tredd launched out of his hiding spot with all the grace and glory of a boosted turkey, sprinting out the door and taking the coat rack with him. Luche gave up on life and howled with laughter, clutching his ribs. And Drautos? He showed why he was captain. 

In a mad dash that would be immortalized in glaive mythos forever, Drautos hauled his crate of glaives over one shoulder, snatched Luche and slung him over the other, sprinting after the sentient panicking coat rack. The captain dropped Luche, gathered every ounce of his strength and yeeted Libertus and Nyx, screaming, at the running pile of cloth. Tredd made it to the edge of the arena before he was blasted with the box-shaped force of several hundred pounds worth of galahdian hysteria. The cloth and soft training floor absorbed the worst of the blow, the glaives landing in a tangled mess of limbs and cloaks. 

Drautos, dragging Luche by the leg, jogged over to admire his work, Luche now sobbing with helpless laughter. The captain gently plopped Luche down with the others and planted a boot on the crate, looking down at his soldiers. Nyx was in much the same state as Luche. Libertus hissed and spat like a cat, frantically trying to claw his way out of the crate. Tredd laid there like a slug, seemingly done with the world- probably examining the life choices that brought him here. Drautos stretched and loosed a puff of glitter on the pile of squirming glaives. 

“Anything to say for yourselves?” The captain growled playfully. 

They opened their mouths to reply, but were cut off by the lights flickering back on and the lockdown features sliding back into normal position. The main door clanged open- the king, flanked by his shield and the marshal strode in. Regis froze at the sight, seemingly unable to believe what his eyes were seeing. Clarus’s mouth worked silently, at the same processing error of his liege. Nobody moved until Cor Leonis coughed pointedly into his fist. Sonitus and Axis strode out uncertainly from behind a column. Pelna and Crowe staggered out from the hall, leaning on each other and still giggling wildly. 

“I take it you found my gift?” The Marshall called. The glaives inhaled deeply before breaking into a cacophony of rage, amusement, and confusion. 

“I have a name…” Drautos pulled himself up to his full height and fixed his eyes on the marshal. He tossed his cell keys to Axis. 

“Release the prisoners. No punishments. This never happened.”

[flyswhumpcenter]

Bad Things Happen Bingo! The event where you send me requests according to this marvelous card! (Red cross is the completed prompt, character headshots are prompts I’ve already filled. Green deltas are for requested prompts, which is none rn, as my inbox is empty.)

Sleep deprivation, written by someone who doesn't like being sleep-deprived.

This was a request I didn't expect to get, considering it's been literal months since I've gotten one (and longer since I've actually delivered on one... Sorry again, Hubert anon). Thanks for it, Nonnie! I hope you like what I'm delivering haha. We're in the last 5th of the card, which is insane considering it took me a year to complete my first. I've recently gone back to it because wowie kazoowie it's fandom frenzy season again and SwSh has hit full-force with "I want to see more whump of these characters and I'm sure as hell gonna provide it". Nonie's alternatives made me wanna write stuff about Milo now, ah.

As to the story itself, I decided to make it kinda angsty because what's the point of writing Bede if it ain't to write angst about this guy being abandoned twice and a half? It's a slight canon divergence on what actually happened, but y'know, fanfiction has this cool thing that is "ignoring canon if it starts being inconvenient to me". Also there's Opal because I love this fairy grandma with an obsession for pink and not wanting to be told she's 88-year-old. Hell yeah.

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Journey Without a Destination

Summary: Keep going, keep going, for there is nothing to see when you are on a journey with no end. Without a point to his life and without a place to stay, Bede journeys day and night, finding some sort of refuge from himself in a forced spell of insomnia.

Fandom: Pokémon Sword & Shield (spoilers for up to the 6th Gym, slight canon divergence)

Wordcount: 1.6K words

Event hosted by @badthingshappenbingo​

AO3 version available here.

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Keep going, keep going, for there’s nothing to see here.

 Pointlessly wandering around the Wild Area, he has nowhere to go and nothing better to do than train and train until something happens or the sweet release of death arrives. There’s nobody for him to get back to, nothing for him to do, and no objective left for him to fulfil. Simply put, he’s stranded, alone with himself, with no Wishing Stars to collect and no Gym Challenge to complete now that he’s been stripped down from his endorsement and thrown away like mere garbage.

Nothing tastes the same, now. There is no pleasure in training when he knows he won’t be able to enter a stadium ever again, no spice to finding new creatures and see if they possibly match his team’s theme. There’s absolutely nothing but bitterness on his mind and salt to be spilled over the wounds he can’t be bothered to patch up, since there’s also no point in railing himself back up again.

And he supposes that’s his fault, in the end.

 It’d be easier to blame Gloria and all of her little friends; but as much as he’d like to believe that, it’s not the case and he knows it. She happened to be there, her and that redhaired pigtail woman that’s apparently making research on… whatever she’s making a research on. Thing is, Gloria wasn’t the one who went to get the Chairman, wasn’t the one who called on him: she was merely standing there, contemplating whatever ugly doodle some kid had left on that crumbling wall. That somehow upsets him even more.

There’s also very much no point to mentally ramble about that now. What’s done is done: he’s been disowned, left to rot, with nowhere to go and nothing to accomplish. He’s, by all means, useless and nothing more than a waste of oxygen and resources; and yet he can’t bring himself to just vanish. It’s like he wants to suffer just because disappearing now would make the people who betrayed him right and his only wish, right now, is to either get back at them or regain their trust. He’s not sure whether or not he’d even get affection back (or if he even got “affection” in the first place back there. Not like he’s had much of a model to base himself off).

 So, he’s been walking around, avoiding human interaction, with his sole source of social anything being his party. At least, as long as they’re his Pokemon, they won’t abandon him, right? Yeah. They’re always going to be together, between a rock and a hard place. Too bad they don’t seem to be able to tell him about their opinion on the matters at hand, because their telepathic abilities haven’t developed enough yet for that as far as he knows. Man, he wishes he’d be able to talk to them and get an answer instead of just throwing move names at them when he has to fight against the wild population and the couple Trainers dumb enough to fight him.

He still wrecks through their teams, but it has none of the flavour it used to have, and it ultimately only buys him some more money to spend on whatever he needs to continue fighting. Fighting for what other than futureless survival, he doesn’t know, and he doesn’t want to know.

 As such he’s been walking for days and days, seeing the same stones and weeds all the time, unaware of how long has actually gone buy. He has no ingredients to make curry for his team or himself, resorting to eating whatever he can manage to get his hands on, never settling camps because staying immobile means possibly dying out without having been able to avenge himself. If he stops, he may never resume his journey without a destination; so he never stops, always tries to keep himself busy, even if it means having as sole distractions his own breathing, the faraway cries from the creatures inhabiting the land and whatever the weather decides to throw at him while his team rests. Can’t fight for your life if you have nobody to fight alongside with.

(Pokemon are the only living beings that haven’t left him anyway).

 He’s tired. His feet hurt as soon as he takes a step forward or backward, tired of being pushed around when they have nowhere to go and nowhere to rest at. His hands hurt from the cold and almost-frostbite he develops when he crosses across the snowy areas, when he has to gather the balls of his fainted partners whenever he gets assaulted by something bigger than any of them are, tired of having to move and hold things when none of them have meaning or weight to bring to the table. His head hurts from the lack of rest and the tears he can’t always keep to himself, upsetting the Pokemon who haven’t fainted just yet.

Yet, even if he piles on fatigue like he’d put on clothes during the harsh winters, he refuses to sleep. It’d be letting his guard down from dangers coming from both the outside and the inside. It’d be being vulnerable during the downtimes in his tent to vandals and thieves, and during his sleep to nightmares about what’s to come and what could have been, what should have been. He doesn’t want to cry himself back to sleep when he could just ignore it all and simply walk.

 Life is simpler when you just walk, walk, walk all day and all night long so he tells himself the same song over and over again.

Keep going, keep going, for there is nothing to see when you are on a journey with no end.

 But, like everything, even he ends up abandoning himself and his feeble principles: before he realizes it, he’s heading to Hammerlocke yet again, feet heavy and eyelids heavier. His eyes have stung for the past day and night with sand, snow and exhaustion, his legs barely move anymore, his balance has been destroyed and buried. The voices in his head most likely don’t exist outside of it, plaguing his thoughts with things he didn’t need to hear.

His thoughts are too cloudy for him to even function properly anymore. He can’t remember how he got there, or why, even less what’s the point of it all. He doesn’t know which day of the week it is, or even which month. Climbing the stairs is painful and drains too much out of his energy, but he then remembers his party is almost fainted and he’s out of items to nurse them back to health, so he has to get up there and do something about it…

 He wants to fall asleep right here and there, on the steps, but he can’t.

Keep going, keep going, for there is nothing to see in the depths of a desperate soul in search for something it cannot find again.

He has to continue. For what, for who, how and why, all of that doesn’t matter anymore; he just needs to keep going. To keep going and never stop to think ever again.

 He supposes the lack of sleep starts getting to him when he can’t focus his eyes on anything in front of him, vision swimming and eyes bleary from the endeavour they’ve gone through until now. There may not be any torrential rain, sandstorms nor snowfalls in Hammerlocke, but there is the blinding sun that gives him a lethal headache and blinds him enough for him not to be able to tell where he’s setting foot anymore.

It’s no wonder he doesn’t manage to rise back up when he eventually tumbles, loses what’s left of his sense of balance and falls to the ground, scrapping his palms and knees, hitting his chin on the pavement, before everything turns fuzzy and dark. Maybe his destination-less journey has finally hit a stop, a halt, or perhaps its actual end. Maybe he doesn’t have to keep walking, keep moving, with no energy and no determination aside from basic survival and vague plans of revenge he doesn’t quite know who to target at.

Maybe that, now that he’s tired enough, he won’t see how much of a failure he’s been in his sleep.

 Keep going, keep going, for there is nothing left else to do for a soul whose purpose has been robbed from it…

 ----------------------------

 Opal immediately gets surprised when, while in Hammerlocke for absolutely unrelated reasons, she finds an unconscious boy lying not far away from the stairs to the Wild Area. Aside from his pinks and purples, and his unlikely enchanted-looking hair, he looks less than stellar, weakened by the weather and the exhaustion that must be eating away at his bones, judging from the deep rings under his eyes and the feverish hue plastered over the bridge of his nose. She’s seen him somewhere before, she’s certain of it; but all she can remember from that is a sense of betrayal and a feeling of cold-hearted abandonment, so she walks up to him.

“Oh, such a fairy-like young man…”

How is an old lady like her supposed to let such a poor boy, moreover one who could become her successor, in such a dire situation? He seems to have gotten himself in quite a lot of troubles, even more than those she has heard about from the other Leaders and information broadcast in her theatre. It’d be too cruel to let him in the open like that. She has to at least get to know him, to discover if he is her true successor.

For now, thinking of the near future has little to no point, she’s better off calling for help before the boy suffers from hypothermia in the harsh winter sunny winds of Galar. Perhaps she can give him what he doesn’t seem to have anymore…

 Keep going, keep going; for there is a purpose to everyone in this world, a purpose you have yet to find for yourself, waiting for you at the end of the seemingly endless journey.

[preface2adreamplay]

Under Your Spell (Part 21) - Let Me Twist It A Little Deeper

Summary: A Jared Padalecki/OFC /Oscar Isaac fiction.

Stef is not having the best weekend at the con.

Chapter warnings: Flirting, swearing, infidelity. masturbation, angst. 

Chapter WC: 3,554

Everything was packed and ready to go. Stef lay in bed, unable to switch off the noise of the day.

‘Come on, Stef, go asleep,’ she told herself. Pushing off the covers and pulling them back on again. Tossing and turning didn’t cover how much she had moved around. 

Finally, she gave up. Grabbing her phone from her bedside table. 4am. 

Claire was staying with Richard. Jared was with his family and who knows where Oscar was. 

She scrolled through insta for a while, seeing all the photos fans had shared from the previous day. A headache was forming behind her eyes, it was gonna be one of the bad ones, she knew. 

‘Fucking sleep!’ Stef cursed. Only one thing left to try. Reaching down under the sheets, Stef rolled her fingers around her clit, the first thought that came to her mind was Jared on stage, smiling and joking. The next thought was him shirtless, the last time he was in her bedroom, jeans hanging low on his hips, arm muscles bulging while he fished around on the floor for his clothes. 

Breathing out a soft groan, Stef continued, fingers finding her opening hot and wet. She slid inside, one finger. Jared breathing on her neck, sucking soft kisses against her jaw, his voice in her ear, ‘c’mon Stef, give it to me.’ 

It was a phrase he liked to use when he was in a playful mood, she would relinquish control of her pleasure to him. When he took control of her, his hands, his mouth, his voice would be everywhere, all over her. His mouth humming against her in the most delicious way. And she would ride waves of pleasure. 

Stef felt her walls contracting around her finger, her body trembling and finally stilled as she drifted into a disturbed and dream filled sleep.

Oscar had taken her by the hand, dragging her through the crowds, ‘look at them!’ he kept yelling over his shoulder. ‘Let go of me, I can’t go with you.’ Stef tried to twist her arm from his grip. They stopped at the stage where the Q&A had been. Jared sat with his wife in his lap, giggling with her between kisses. Instant fiery hot jealousy raged through her. ‘Look at them!’ Oscar said again. His dark eyes on the couple that were wrapped up in each other. Stef drew her gaze away, unable to look at them any longer. Oscar didn’t flinch when Stef waved her hand in front of his face, he was in a daze, his mouth open in a soft smile. ‘Help me get away.’ Stef shouted. Jared started, seeing Stef below him. ‘No wait, come back.’ He begged. 

Stef was running, the carpet beneath her bare feet was turning into steps too high for her to climb, she couldn’t run hard enough to get away. An arm caught her as she tumbled. 

Stef couldn’t hold back her tears, burying her face in the chest of the man holding her up. 

Stef woke suddenly, throwing the blankets away. Running her hands down her face, she glanced at herself in the mirror across the room. She was perspiring, hair was clinging to her neck. ‘What the actual fuck?’ 

Stef didn’t dream much, but that one made her feel sick to her stomach.

Wiping the bathroom mirror clean after a hotter than hell shower, Stef looked at her face, wanting the woman looking back at her to settle her nerves, tell her she wasn’t being an idiot, it went with the territory. 

Why are you really fucking surprised, was all she said. 

Stef sat on the side of the bath tub and cried. 

Claire had done her best to make up for not being around. When she finally got around to coming back to the hotel room they were sharing, Stef was dressed and fresh faced.

‘Did you sleep?’ Claire rummaged through her bag looking for clean clothes.

‘Not much. I bet it’s pointless to ask if you got sleep last night.’ Stef winked seeing Claire trying to hide a coy smile.

‘I have to shower but then we are definitely having breakfast. There is a thing on later that I wanna check out but I’ll be back before lunch and then we can head back to the airport, k?’ 

Claire was being overly nice, her voice raising a little higher with every sentence.

‘Richard wouldn’t happen to be doing the thing you’re interested in, is he?’ Stef finished applying a second layer of mascara. 

‘Maybe,’ Claire elongated the word, disappearing into the bathroom.

Stef’s phone beeped. Picking it up she saw a message from Jared.

Jared: Good morning sweet thang. x

Stef put the phone back down and checked herself in the mirror. Heaving a sigh, she gathered herself, put on a smile and bent to put on her Nike’s. There would be more walking today, it called for comfortable footwear. Her jeans were loose around her waist, she hadn’t realised she had lost some weight. Not too much to be noticeable she thought. 

Claire was singing in the shower. Stef chuckled, hearing it was one of her older songs, Claire loved the band Stef was taking a break from.

Shit, she thought, remembering one of the members had called her a couple of days previous to ask when she was available to meet up.

Every year or so they would meet, see what was going on with each other and decide if they would do new music or not. 

Hitting the call button, her old friend answered straight away.

‘Hey, Stef! How are you?’

‘Sorry I kinda forgot to call you back, Nik, I’m in Toronto right now.’

‘Yeah, I was talking to Oscar yesterday he told me he ran into you over there. Having fun?’

‘The most fun,’ she lied. 

‘We are meeting Friday night at that bar you hate.’ Nik blew smoke down the phone. Stef knew the sounds of him inhaling and exhaling like his life depended on that one cigarette.

‘I’ll be there.’

‘Great!’ He did sound excited. Stef smiled, excited to catch up with them.

‘Gotta go, I’ll get the details from you during the week.’

‘For sure. Later, Stef.’

‘Was that Jared?’ Claire peeked out from behind the bathroom door, steam billowing behind her. Strands of dark red hair plastered against her face.

‘Nah. Nik. Band meeting.’

‘Oh,’ Claire seemed a little disappointed. ‘Will you see Jared before we leave?’ Her voice kept on the side of casual/hopeful instead of the misery Stef felt creeping into her bones.  

‘I’d like to think so, but, with his family showing up I don’t know if he can get away.’

Stef didn’t have to hear Claire tutting from the bathroom to know how she felt about it. 

Stef looked at her phone as it pinged again. 

Jared had sent a very close up selfie. Laughing, she replied.

Stef: Good morning, Jared. How are you today?

Jared: Tired. Glad this con is almost over. Photo ops at 12, you gonna be around?

Stef: Yep, can swing by before we leave. 

Jared replied with a few celebratory emojis. 

‘Claire, come on, I’m hungry.’

‘Go down without me, I’ll be right behind you.’ Claire was brushing her teeth furiously.

Ok, Stef shrugged.

Filling her plate with as much food as possible, Stef was trying to figure out how to use the coffee machine when someone brushed past her, nudging her elbow, sending a piece of toast sliding off into the mug she had managed to fill with a watery mix of milk and coffee.

‘Sorry,’ a soft voice came. Stef turned to say it was cool when she met the woman’s eyes. 

‘It-it’s fine,’ Stef stammered, her eyes glued to the beautiful brown eyes staring up at her. It was Jared’s wife.

Fuck, Stef thought. 

‘You’re uhm, you’re…’ Gen tried to find a way to say her name without owning that this was the woman her husband was fucking. 

‘Yeah,’ was all Stef managed to say. 

‘Well, you’ve made him a happier man. When he comes home to us.’ Gen said graciously, putting a hand on the shoulder of a boy standing next to her, gaping up at Stef.

He had Jered’s eyes and my god, he had Jared’s hair. Stef swallowed hard, what could she say to that?

’Nice to meet you, anyway.’ 

Gen gave Stef a smile and taking her son by the hand, led him away. Stef closed her eyes, her mouth dry like a fucking desert. Suddenly, the coffee didn’t seem so important. But, there was a queue building up behind her.

‘Go ahead, I can’t seem to work it,’ Stef moved away from the person waiting patiently next to her. Rubbing her nose with her hand, she cleared her throat, not sure where to look or what to do. Fearful of moving her eyes across the room in case she were to see Jared’s family again or worse, Jared himself. She couldn’t face him now. 

Claire arrived, hair swinging, bosom bouncing, a huge grin on her face. ‘Hey did you get me coffee?’ 

Her smile turned to a horrified look, ‘you ok?’ Rubbing Stef’s shoulder. ‘You gonna puke?’

‘Maybe,’ Stef replied, ‘Can we grab a seat?’

Finding a small table hidden behind a huge, ugly plant, Stef told Claire what had just happened.

‘So she thanked you for sleeping with her husband? She’s a better woman than I would be.’

‘Claire!’ Stef pinched the bridge of her nose, the toast on her plate now finding its way to Claire’s mouth.

‘What?’ the redhead replied, ‘She could have ignored you, or punched you, or made a scene, but she didn’t. Sounds like she was just as shocked to bump into you.’

Stef nodded, her brow furrowed. ‘My life is not normal. This is getting awkward.’

‘This is probably the only time you will ever meet her or even see her, just chill.’

Stef blew out a breath, rubbing her sweaty hands against her jeans. 

‘I’m gonna get you a coffee and a chocolate croissant, then we can go see Richard. He will make you laugh and forget your troubles.’

Stef groaned.

‘Now that was my attitude when I first came to the con, you changed my mind. C’mon.’

‘Is it bad that I want a Margarita for breakfast?’

‘Yes, it is, this situation is not that bad.’

***

Claire hadn’t let Stef hide away in the room, which was a good thing. The convention was so big, the chances of her running into Gen again were slim, but Stef kept looking over her shoulder anyway. She regretted agreeing to see Jared at the photo op’s, but bit the bullet - well, asking Richard to scope out the room first and waiting for him to come back and confirm it was mostly Padalecki-free. 

Stef had never seen this section of a convention before, people lining up to take silly/well thought out pictures with Jared and Jensen. 

Jensen smiled and nodded when he saw Stef waiting off to the side. He leaned in to say something to Jared, who turned his head so quickly in her direction, his hair flipped into Jensen’s face, hitting his friend in the eye. The people close enough to see roared with laughter. Jared was falling over himself apologising to Jensen, clapping him on the back with his huge hand, winking over at Stef. 

‘I see why you like him,’ the familiar voice next to her made her smile. ’Tall, handsome, funny. I’d hit it.’

‘Oscar,’ Stef scolded softly. He was alone, standing with his hands in his pockets.

‘Where’s your date?’

Oscar made a dismissive sound, ’She bounced, I’m really good at making people feel unwanted, apparently. It’s a talent, it would seem.’

‘She left?’ Stef shook her head, laughing. 

‘Yes, she did. She said I wasn’t emotionally available.’ Leaning in so that only Stef would hear. ‘I’m kinda glad, she was jealous about everything.’

‘You’re not into chicks that are fawning over you?’ Stef bit her lower lip.

‘Nah, maybe I just didn’t like her.’

‘You heading home today?’ 

‘Yeah, you?’

‘You don’t sound excited.’ Stef was watching a couple set up their photo, within seconds their experience was over. A fleeting moment that would stay with them forever. 

Jared made eye contact with her and pulled one side of his mouth into a grin, looking over Oscar quickly and greeting the next in line. 

‘Want me to get out of your hair?’ Oscar murmured. 

‘No,’ Stef hooked her arm into his, changing the direction so she was walking away from Jared’s line of sight.

‘We haven’t had time to hang much at all.’

‘You want to hang with me?’ 

‘Yeah.’ Stef squeezed his arm. Oscar’s chest puffed out a little. 

‘What’ll we do then.’

‘I saw a stall with some stuff that had your Star Wars guy, Darius specifically requested something with your face on it.’

Pushing his tongue between his teeth, Oscar threw his head back to laugh. 

‘Why the fuck not, let’s buy my own merchandise.’

***

Jared: Where did you go? Photo ops just done.

Stef: Just grabbing a drink, you want one?

Jared: I’ll meet you in the bar, I’ll be about 5 minutes.

‘Is that him?’ Oscar eyed her over his drink, taking a long gulp and sighing. 

‘Yes, he’ll be down here in a few minutes.’ Stef put a hand on his arm. He had rolled up his shirt sleeves. One fist resting on his hip and he cocked an eyebrow, glancing around the room, he looked too hot. Stef had to check herself.

‘Why are you looking at me like that?’ He said, not looking at her, his eyes resting on a pair of blondes sitting at the opposite end of the bar.

‘Like what? I don’t want you to go if that’s what you mean.’ Stef pouted.

‘No, you’re looking at me like I’m lunch.’

Stef opened her mouth to laugh, involuntarily spitting her drink across his lap.

‘Oh shit, I’m so sorry.’

Oscar brushed the droplets away, laughing too much to form a coherent sentence. ‘I didn’t think it would have that effect.’

Wiping her chin with a napkin, she eyed him curiously.’ What kind of reaction did you think you would get?’

‘I dunno, I thought it might make you argue with me.’

‘You want an argument?’ 

’Nah, I just wanted to wind you up a little before your dude gets here.’

‘My dude, as you say, is already here.’ Stef raised her eyebrows in greeting as Jared made his way toward them. Oscar turned his head, not bothering to adjust how he was sitting, legs splayed open, knees on the outside of Stef’s, keeping her sitting in place at the bar. 

‘Hey,’ Jared said softly, tucking hair behind his ear. 

‘Hi,’ Stef grinned up at him. He was nervous, shifty. 

‘I guess I should formally introduce you both.’

They did that thing that men do when they don’t think women notice, they were eyeing each other, sizing each other up. Shaking hands and making pleasantries. Neither spoke, waiting for Stef to break the ice.

‘We will be leaving after lunch.’

‘Isn’t lunch, like, right now.’ Jared checked his watch.

‘Shit it is. Where the hell is Claire??’ Stef reached into her bag and checked her phone. No messages. Typical.

‘I cannot trust that woman around Richard, my god!’ Stef huffed, pressing the call button and listening to the tone on the other end, knowing Claire wouldn’t be picking up.

‘She could be back in the room.’

Oscar was half grinning, a knowing look on his face. ‘Better go check, you don’t wanna miss your flight again.’

‘Again?’ Jared was looking incredibly awkward now. 

‘Oh, Claire has made Effie miss a couple of flights over the years. She almost missed a video shoot her band was doing in Italy.’ 

‘Oh don’t remind me, that woman causes me stress I could do without.’ Giving up on the idea of Claire picking up her damn phone.

‘I gotta head back up to the room anyway, we will be leaving soon too.’ 

Jared put a hand gently on Stef’s elbow, hoping to get her up off her seat and away from Oscar. 

‘Yeah I’ll walk with you,’ turning to Oscar, placing a beer mat on top of her glass. ‘Mind my spot for a few minutes?’ 

Oscar nodded, turning his attention back to the blondes at the bar.

‘Nice to meet you, man.’ Jared offered Oscar his hand, the shorter man taking it, ‘You too, finally.’ Oscar winked at Stef as she walked away.

Stepping into the elevator, they were finally alone. Jared grabbed her waist, drawing her to him. ‘Damn, I’ve wanted to kiss you all fucking day.’ His teeth were nipping at her lips, teasing. Stef stood on her tip toes, trying to reach his mouth. ‘Kiss me then.’

Jared groaned when their lips met. It wasn’t long enough. The doors were opening on her floor. He took her hand in his, leading her down the hall. Stef was looking down at her small hand wrapped in his. ‘That ok?’ He squeezed her fingers.

‘Yeah, just surprising.’ 

Jared shrugged, stepping behind her as she slid the key card into the hotel room door. They were greeted with two naked bodies writhing on the bed. 

‘Oh god!’ Stef covered her face, unable to tear her eyes away from Richard’s naked ass bouncing as he pummelled into Claire.

Pulling the door closed with a bang, she covered her face, eyes wide. ‘How can I un see that?’ She gasped, laughing so much she thought she would puke.

Jared was on his knees, unable to speak. 

It took a few minutes for them to calm down, Richard’s frantic cries of ‘are you guys still out there?’ made the situation worse. Neither Stef nor Jared could answer him.

Jared had managed to drop his gum onto the carpet, causing him to laugh even more.

‘Don’t put that back in your mouth.’ 

‘That’s what she said.’

‘Oh Jared, please stop, I’m in pain from laughing.’

A large hand was on her back, her face was suddenly crushed into his chest. He was gasping for air like he had run a race. 

‘Well that’s put a good ending to a rough weekend.’ Jared was wiping tears from his eyes.

Stef remembered running into Gen earlier in the day, her stomach twisting with guilt. Or maybe it was jealousy. Or a sickening mixture of both.

Swallowing, she looked up at Jared.

‘What’s up, babe?’ 

‘Nothing.’ She lied, kissing him gently on the mouth.

‘You sure?’

‘Yeah, I’ll just miss you is all.’

‘You have good company downstairs, Oscar is keeping your seat for you at the bar.’

‘Jared…’ Stef wanted to explain what had happened earlier, but he cut her off with another kiss.

‘I’ll call you tomorrow, I’ll be back home. After the kids go to bed. Sound good?’

’Sounds good.’ Stef agreed, unable to hide the disappointment in her eyes at how this weekend had panned out. 

Richard opened the door, having dressed himself in a hurry. ‘Come on, man.’ he said to Jared, pushing past them, his cheeks flushed, hair tossed from Claire’s fingers. 

‘Gotta go.’ Jared kissed her quick and left, following Richard down the hall. 

Stef stuck her head in the door, ‘you decent?’

‘Doesn’t matter, you saw everything just now.’ Claire wasn’t half as bashful as Richard. 

‘Oscar is waiting for me at the bar. Meet us down there?’

‘Let me just fix my sex hair and I’ll be down.’

When Stef made it back down to the bar, she saw Oscar talking to a woman. She was hitting his arm and laughing. It was fake. Everything about her was. You can spot when someone wants someone because of their fame, and this was one of those vacuous women.

Stef put her arm between them to get her drink. ‘Oh hey, you’re back.’ Oscar looked happy at her reappearance. 

She was one of the blondes he had been ogling. His face said ‘please help.’ And while Stef would usually have left him to it, she decided on this occasion to do a good deed. 

’I’m Stef,’ she said, sticking her hand out for the stranger, who took it, gingerly.

‘Sorry, are you with him?’ She asked, pointing a talon at Oscar’s chest.

‘Yeah,’ Stef said simply.

The blonde looked her up and down, taking in the old Nike’s, loose jeans and band t-shirt. 

‘Call me,’ she mouthed to Oscar, swaying back toward her friend. 

‘Do not call her.’ Stef warned, sliding back onto the barstool, her legs fitting snuggly between Oscar’s again.

‘Just filling the time til you came back,’ Oscar sighed, leaning his torso toward her.

‘You look flushed, what’s up.’

‘I just caught Claire and Richard fucking.’ Stef looked at him, wide eyed and excited. 

Oscar put a hand over his mouth, his nose scrunched up as he laughed. ‘No fucking way.’

Stef finished off her beer in one gulp. ‘Buy me another one and I’ll describe Richard’s ass to you.’

‘Oh fuck, please don’t. But, I’ll definitely buy you another drink.’ Oscar winked, turning to grab the barman’s attention.

Butterflies. He had given her butterflies with that look.

Fuck, she thought

[suggable]

Im going to write down my second experience seeing Day6 live mostly for me, but feel free to read it after the break if you want (please do not reblog it tho) ✨ a little warning i’ll probably get very emotional and personal and this is going to be Very long and probably will get incoherent at some point!!!!!

I saw Day6 yesterday in Madrid for the second time, and not to be dramatic but it was probably one of the best experiences of my life 😭💕 I already had lots of fun last year but this year’s concert was not only fun but very meaningful for me.

As some of you may know I finally finally finished this week my architecture studies after 6 and a half very long and tough years. The last two have been especially hard, aproximately the same ammount of time I’ve been following Day6 closely. When I first discovered their music I immediately fell in love with it, and I fell in love again when i got to know them. I can positively say they’re the closest artists to my heart, my soulmate band. I do love and appreciate a lot of other artists but the way I love day6 it’s.... unparalled. I’m gonna stop being cheesy now hfjjsjka but knowing that I was going to see them again and meet them after all the constant exhaustion that my master’s has been has given me so much strenght during those all nighters and endless days working on my project kjfdkjjks 

I’m privileged enough to have been able to get vvips tickets this time but tbh that’s not important, the whole experience of the concert it’s what makes it worth it. Me and my friends decided not to go queueing very early bc we wanted to be well rested and we knew we were going to have a good spot in any case. We were so lucky yesterday’s weather was sort of warm, considering our awful awful experience from last year jkdjkskj. I’m so happy we were so prepared this time, we brought lots of snacks and blankets for the queue. We also prepared some fanart freebies to share and trade and it was the nicest experience, everyone there was so so lovely!!! I had such a great time only waiting in line and chatting with myday ^^ After we got out numbered wristbands we picked up our signed entropy copies. I got the “Sweet” version which is my fave!!! I traded around the pcs so i ended up with all Sungjin and Dowoon jhjfhjsdj (and the loveliest Dopil pc 😭❤) I was so happy we didnt have any trouble with queueing or numbering this time!!!!! Then we went for lunch and almost didn’t make it back on time bc it took us ages to get out meals n we wanted to leave all the heavy stuff and coats at the car jdfjkdkjskk but!!! we made it thanks to the lovely people next to us in the queue!!!

We finally got into the venue (which is so big!!! and we filled it!! im so PROUD) and my friends were headed to the left side where Jae is but I noticed the middle section was also kind of empty so we ran there kjkjfd and ended up in 2nd-3rd row!!! so we were in the middle and had a great view of everyone ^^ i felt kind of bad bc the people around us had been queueing from 3am and we’d arrived at 8:30 :P also next to us there was this korean girl who runs a Dowoon fansite and she was very nice and polite and she must kind of hate now me a bit bc I didn’t stop moving and jumping  i hope her pics came out nicely anyway!!! we only had to wait for an hour inside n we had lots of sweets to keep our energy up so it was quite alright :)

when they boys came out i noticed i had the clearest Sungjin visual so I ended up looking at him most of the time kjfjdkkkdksd i just couldn’t help it like the pics don’t do him justice he’s just so cute and expressive and makes the funniest faces when playing!!! and sort of bounces when playing which is the Cutest thing!!!!  there was some sort of problem with his guitars at first n seemed a bit annoyed but it turned out alright!! I also paid lots of attention to Jae bc he has Such Energy performing, the truest hype man!!! when he plays you can see he’s genuinely enjoying himself and loves myday so so much :(((( he interacted a lot with us!! 

Dowoon was also in front of me but he was covered most of the time by his drumset :(( I could see him making all these baby bird pouty faces or mouthing the lyrics and it was.... so CUTE :((((( he’s so cute i 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 also i was in awe at his drumming technique like he’s so so so talented and you can clearly see how much he loves it!!! He’s the best boy!!!

I had to move my head a bit to see YoungK and Wonpil and I tried my best looking at everyone when they were singing, but my eyes would automatically go back to Sungjin jfdjskjkaskj I can tell you Young K is very VERY Atractive when performing, he has a sort of magnetism!! He also seemed soooo happy and would jump around non stop and smile at the fans and just Bless us in general!!! Wonpil was sort of serious when playing but you could tell he was concentrated !!! Also his piano and dj skills im!!!!!! like when he plays the Time of Our Life intro so easily!!! i play piano and let me tell you it is difficult as Fuck!!! he truly is so talented!! plus when he was talking with us he was so playful and cute :(((((

Some concert Highlights for me: hearing Best Part live, also So Cool, TOOL, Headache, wanna go back!!! how to love!!! SWEET CHAOS!!!! also hearing WARNING again which may easily be my fave song of them now (well no...we all know it’s impossible to pick just one but yeah jkdfjskkç) also Colors!! when the first chords started playing i started tearing up n then the chorus came n i just broke down crying jsdsk I also cried during I Need Somebody and that bit when we sang back to them and we sang I Smile :((( also the fucking SOLOS hello most talented band in the universe????!!! but like for real they all sound so good live!!! i love that you can clearly hear the drums and keys and all the instruments, plus their vocals are just!! so!! good!!!!!! Jae and Young K went Mad with the adlibs I was living my best life!!!!! 

at some point i locked eyes with Sungjin n my potato brain decided the best thing i could do was to send a flying kiss his way so i did n he got so SHY!!!! and made a 😳😳😳😳 face jkdfjkjkjks i felt v awkward afterwards like i didnt know he was going to react that way jfdkjksa 

Also hearing them speaking spanish...fucking surreal...but when they did their ments in English!!! wow!!! they’ve gotten so good!!!! they kept saying they were so happy and this was the best way to end the tour and they’d grown so much, and reminding us to always be happy i :((((( Wonpil’s ment was the sweetest thing and he sent such an important message and I started crying again (and i made eye contact with Jae while ugly crying so i had to hid behind my banner jkdskjjkjdskks) and couldn’t stop through the whole length of their ments :(( i barely remember anything from young k’s bc i was trying to compose myself a bit jkfkjkjd Dowoon’s was so cute!!! He’d wait for the translator and make such funny faces i :((( Sungjin’s English and like Everything about him im so gone kjfkjjkds and then JAE’S...........

that was truly the Highlight of the night, what truly truly made everything special and what i hope will make them cherish and remember this night forever. So a bit of context: we had prepared a project where during For Me we would take out some prints of some of Jae’s encouraging and inspirational tweets and held them up. So at first Jae was surprised but I guess he didn’t have the time to read which specific tweets we were holing. Then during like the second half of the song he realised n got like v serious like he was trying not to cry...I remember Sungjin also realised bc he was looking at Jae just Knowing.... When we took the concert pics Jae asked us to take an extra one with the tweets bc he wanted it for himself....and then his MENT he thanked us for listening to him and letting him know we hear his words and basically acknowledge and validate him when he passes those life lessons to us and that it meant more than we could imagine....and he was getting more n more emotional n trying not to cry but im p sure he did...and then Sungjin and Wonpil came to his side n started doing this weird dance around him hdjfjjkskjsdkjskkkladsslk n cheered Jae up THEY’RE SO PRECIOUS :((((  but like moments prior u could see Sungjin just Waiting for it n smirking jkjkfdsjkjkkjs also the fact he immediately tweeted about it after the concert 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

the whole hi touch thing was such a fiasco but tbh i didnt have much hope to begin with jkfdjkdkjs they made us wear face masks as a prevention for the coronavirus break.........but it didnt really matter bc there was an insane number of vips so we were a LOT of pple for the hi touch...we were rushed n pushed n screamed at by both security n mmt staff....i was laughing at the whole absurdity of the situation n wonpil saw me hjdfkjksjks...we barely had time to say something and high five them but i did manage to say thank u to each of them n look them in the eyes at least!!! (they’re so beautiful from upclose!! and GIANTS! and sungjins eyes.........otherwordly) i felt so bad for the fans that were looking forward to it and for them as well bc you could see their apologetic faces....but anyways everything else went so well im not going to dwell on that!! so yeah i’ve met day6 but i barely remember anything kjjkdsjkd it feels like a fever dream :((((

but tbh considering everything it was the nicest experience!!! im so happy i had the chance to see them again n i hope they come back again!!! also i really wish they’d tour more cities, like there are so many mydays that deserve to see them too :((( 

ok im done with this whole essay like i could keep rambling and rambling but this is the most essential of it!!! if you also read this thank you!!!! please be happy and trust and listen to day6!!!❤💖💕✨🌟

[jawnjendes]

it came back for more | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth gf

AN: let me know if i should give the goth gf a name bc like,,,,,,,,,,, idk just let me know,, also does anyone actually like this series lmao

masterlist | series playlist

"You're leaving me?" Shawn asked in mock disbelief.

I knew he was joking, but the fact that he said it as we were walking through campus, in the view of many passing students was a little embarrassing. There was just no getting used to that, like he couldn’t get used to my emotional distance sometimes. I just kept my eyes on the ground and continued walking next to him. No hand holding today. Doesn’t mean I don’t adore him any less.

"I made plans with Stella weeks ago," I told him. "We already bought tickets."

Shawn smiled, letting go of his pretend hurt. "It's cool. I understand, and I hope you have fun."

"Shit, me too. I feel like this movie is going to destroy me."

Yes, this is about the most anticipated movie of the year. Yes, I was more hyped than I have been in months. No, there will not be any spoilers.

"You're welcome to tag along," I added. "I mean, if there's still seats available at the theatre."

He shrugged off the invite, which I knew he would do. Shawn wasn't into this particular franchise, claiming he was tired of this type of movie. Can't say I blame him, plenty of people felt the same way. It was just hard to ramble at him about it because he didn't know jack shit. That was why I was going to the movie with Stella.

"I'll just stay home and watch Grey's without you." He smirked.

"First of all, that's mean and I would never do that to you. Secondly, Grey's comes back next week!"

"Oh yeah."

“Besides,” I added, “I’m gonna spend the night at your place anyway. Just like every Thursday.”

“Yeah, but instead of twenty four uninterrupted hours, we’ll get…” Shawn counted on his fingers. “...Less than that?”

We made it back to my dorm to find Stella lying facedown on the couch. Shawn and I shared a look as we entered the vicinity. Not that this wasn’t unusual, it was just hard to pinpoint her reasoning for this. I mean, I shouldn’t talk. Sometimes I lie on the floor without explanation wherever I please. Stella was used to that, but Shawn would ask if I “wanted to talk” or something.

"Did you get spoiled?" I asked her.

"No," she replied, her voice muffled by the cushions. "I'm trying to kill time. There's five hours left before the movie!"

I sighed and went to sit on her legs. "I know. I made Shawn take my phone because I don't wanna go online and see something I don't wanna see."

Stella picked her head up. "That's a good idea." She reached for her phone on the table, extending her arm towards my boyfriend. "Can you take mine too?"

Shawn chuckled, back and forth between the two of us. But he took Stella's phone. "You're both crazy."

"And what about it?" I said back. Then I reached for his hand. "Anyway, I need you to keep me busy for at least three hours." I smiled and batted my lashes in an exaggerated manner.

"Only three hours?" he replied with a cheeky grin as he took my hand and got me to my feet again.

"Ugh!" Stella interjected as she rolled off the couch. "I'm going to the library! And I'm leaving my phone so I don't go online! If I'm not back before we have to leave, just assume I killed myself because I got spoiled!"

"That's valid," I told her, "but I like you better alive."

~

Two of the three hours went by before Shawn practically tired himself out. He tapped out and rolled onto his back, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I couldn’t blame him for pulling out (in every aspect) because it was close to finals season. Tensions were rising, he was finally feeling the consequences of missing assignments and poor exam grades. I knew that because I was going through the same thing. The semester was going to be over in a month, then I would be going back to California.

And Shawn was coming with me… for a week.

It got awfully cramped on my single size bed by the time Shawn was out like a light, so I got up and decided to get ready. I got dressed in the appropriate attire for this movie, a black t-shirt with the franchise logo and black leggings. Then I grabbed my makeup bag and sat down on the floor in front of my mirror. Halfway through my routine, Shawn awoke with a start.

"I'm up! Let's go again!" he said, sitting up.

I looked at him through the mirror, still blending concealer under my eyes with a sponge. "You're like, twenty minutes too late, my dear. I'm already getting ready."

He rubbed his eyes and yawned, nodding in response. "Okay…"

As he lied down again, I couldn't help but smile. Shawn was really fucking cute, and he had no right to be. I don't want to sound like that girl, because I’m rarely that girl, but how was I expected to spend three whole hours away from him tonight? Thursdays were usually our night, since neither of us worked or had class after four o'clock. I mean, nothing was going to stop me from going to this movie, let alone a cute guy with curly hair and a charming smile. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t miss him.

"You're still welcome to join us," I told him from where I was sitting.

"You really want me to go, eh?" he replied, shifting to his side so he was looking at me.

"I'm just saying, it's probably the only time you'll see me cry."

Shawn picked his head up, eyes wide. "Seriously?"

Between the two of us, he was the crier. Are we surprised at this point? I had my exceptions, like watching a new movie I was very passionate about, or when my chronic GI issues would flare up and give me a panic attack. However, I haven't gotten sick in a while, so technically only one thing was going to make me weep.

"Well," Shawn spoke after a while, "guess I'm going."

~

I knew I was expecting tear jerkers, but I still sported my inner and outer wings to the movie. Half of it smudged onto my eyelids and half was under my eyes. On top of that, I got a dehydration headache, because I refused to drink water during a three hour long movie. I did eat popcorn, even though it was well after the time I cut off food for the day. That sounds concerning, but it's a thing I go through. If I eat after 8PM I will spend the night barfing.

Shawn, Stella, and I left the theatre practically buzzing. The mood of the film and the other moviegoers kept our spirits high, despite the fact that Stella and I had visible mascara tracks on our faces. I cried at things you wouldn’t normally cry at in a movie, like when your favorite character breathes, or makes a dramatic entrance.

"Okay," Shawn said, "that was actually a really good movie."

"Good enough to convert into a stan?" I asked, holding his hand.

"Mm, probably not."

I quickly let go of his hand. "Fine."

Walking towards the parking lot was when I started to feel something. My abdomen felt a little sore, and it made me slow down my steps a little bit. I placed my hand on my stomach; It wasn’t excruciating, but it was noticeable.

"You okay, honey?" Shawn asked, looking at me.

I nodded quickly and got back into step with him. However, the soreness was persisting by the time we got back to my car. I unlocked the doors to let Stella and Shawn in, but I stood where I was and focused on this pain. Maybe I cried too hard at the movie. Maybe the popcorn I had was giving me a warning.

Either way, there go my late night plans.

"So, I don't think I should stay at your place tonight," I told Shawn when I got in the car.

"Aw, why?" he asked.

"My stomach is, uh, acting up a little. Not feeling too good."

"You're gonna let your stomach stop you?" Stella piped up from the backseat. She wasn't one to normally say things like that. She knew how serious I got when I got sick.

I looked at her through the rear view mirror. "You got plans tonight?"

She picked at her nails and stayed quiet for a minute. "I have a friend visiting."

"Just stay at mine anyway," Shawn said to me. "I have the tea you like, and medicine, and a shit ton of blankets to keep you cozy. I'll be there to take care of you."

"I don't know, I wouldn’t wanna put that on you."

"I really don't mind."

We’ve been together five and a half months. In those months, I have gotten flare ups a handful of times, and all of those times had to do with trying new foods that ended up disagreeing with me. Each time I was with Shawn, and I had to tell him to leave me to deal with my illness. He did so, reluctantly. He really wanted to nurse me back to health, though.

Sickness is just so ugly. I didn't want to burden him with my physically unstable ass sleeping on the bathroom floor. I didn't want him to hear me puking in his bathroom. We just got to a place where things were Love sick, not Sick sick. Everything was so soft and sweet between us. For once nothing was grey, it was soft blend of black and pink. I didn’t want to taint it with my stupid gastrointestinal crap.

On the other hand, Stella is my roommate. She offers to look after me when I get sick, to which I always say no. I know how to handle it. Still, she goes to the extent of cancelling plans and breaking dates just in case I needed help. She was my safe person when went out. She was the extrovert who wanted and deserved to have a good time.

I had to stop by campus to drop Stella off, anyway. She got out of the car, reminding me once again that she'll have somebody over very soon.

Shawn turned to me once we were alone. "Please stay with me tonight."

"I don't need you to deal with my sickness," I said firmly. "It's nothing personal-"

"Okay, stop for a second," he told me. Then he placed his hand on the shoulder of my seat. "I know you know how to handle yourself when you get sick. It's like, a plan you've had to make and adjust over time, and you know it like the back of your hand. I get that, you know how to take care of yourself. I just don't want you to do this plan alone."

"I won't be alone, I have Stella." By that I mean, she's on standby only if things go really wrong... which is never. I’m not that sick.

This time, though… I’ve only felt actual pain one time before this.

Shawn gave me a look. "She's gonna be busy tonight. She wants to be busy tonight."

We stared at each other for a while. My stomach was flipping for reasons unrelated to illness. My boyfriend had stupidly kind, gentle intentions, and stupidly pretty eyes. He also had a very comfy bed.

I sighed. "Fine."

~

After some tea and rest, I felt a little better. I felt good enough to hop into bed with my boyfriend for about twenty minutes. It was fine until he was on top of me...

"Fuck, I'm sorry," Shawn frantically said, moving off of me. "Oh god, I'm so sorry."

My face was scrunched with pain, and I tried to control my breathing. The soreness from earlier turned into a sharp pain in my abdomen that made me push Shawn away from me. It was kind of a mood killer to say the least, since it made him panic.

"Are you okay?" he asked, voice trembling. "How bad is it? What do you need?"

"Shh!" It wasn't intended to sound mean, but I was trying to focus on what my body was doing.

I struggled to sit up, so Shawn held my lower back to support me. He kept asking questions, but I was rapidly tuning him out. The pain didn't get any better or worse, but I was feeling something in my guts. I got up and dashed into the bathroom.

We're going to get just a little TMI. I wanted use the bathroom, but my bowels weren't having it. Then, I wanted to puke but my stomach wasn't having it. I didn't know what to do, so I just stayed on the floor in front of the toilet and let my body try to figure things out for itself.

I shouldn't have had popcorn at the movies. Sure, popcorn is light on the stomach, but Stella wanted extra butter, and I hadn’t eaten for hours. I knew what I was getting myself into, and now I was paying for it. Add popcorn to the list of foods that were now forever tainted with a bad memory.

Shawn came knocking on the door, his voice full of concern. "Honey, are you okay? Can I come in?"

I didn’t say anything but he let himself in anyway. He sat next to me on the floor, next to where I was leaning over the toilet. Delicately, he moved my hair from my face and held it back.

"I don't think I'm gonna puke," I told him, resting my forehead on the seat. My mouth was watering inexplicably, and I felt a tingle in my feet.

"Okay, then let's get you back to bed," he said gently, placing his hands on my waist to help me up.

Then, I actually puked. Yup, no more popcorn for me.

~

It goes without saying that I was up for most of the night. I only threw up that one time, but I felt nauseous until the sun peeked through the window. Not only that, I always got a bout of anxiety whenever things with my stomach got bad, and it intensified knowing that I wasn’t home at my dorm. I wasn’t in the comfort of my squeaky single size bed. I didn’t have my phone charging next to me here because the only other outlet was on the other side of the room. I felt so out of place and I wanted to run, but I knew I couldn’t because traveling would only upset my stomach more.

Shawn fell asleep when I reassured him that I wouldn’t spend anymore time in the bathroom. He was on his side facing me practically the whole night. When I felt okay enough to lay down, I put one of the extra pillows between us and faced away from him. He started stirring by the time I was finally sleepy.

When I woke up in the late afternoon, I was just grateful I didn’t have class on Fridays. I couldn’t get up even if I wanted to.

I rolled onto my back, only to find that I was alone. I rubbed my eyes, then quickly remembered that I fell asleep with smudged eyeliner, and I just made it worse. I sighed and looked out the window from where I lied. It had gotten cloudy throughout the day. Thank god, today was not a sunshine kinda day for me.

If only I had the energy to get off my ass and go back home where I wanted to be.

My eyes blankly stared at the ceiling. Whatever spirit I had left in me was slowly floating away. My incorporeal being was rising out of my physical being, until voices outside the bedroom caused me to come back to earth.

“Oh, let me just see her! Maybe I can help!”

A woman. I slowly moved onto my side, curling up under the blanket and trying to focus on the window. Then, I heard Shawn’s voice.

“No! Ah - I mean…” He was suddenly outside the door. “Let me see if she’s awake.”

Shit.

The door opened, but I didn’t move from my position. Shawn came up in my peripherals, and then he sat down on the empty side of the bed. His eyes met mine, and he smiled.

“Hey, you. How ya feeling?”

I blinked. “Tired… Not sick. Just tired.”

“As long as you’re not sick.” He brought a hand up to my head and stroked my hair. “Listen, my mom is here.”

“Why?” Seemingly innocent question, but it did make me feel some kinda way, and it certainly sounded like it.

“She comes every so often,” Shawn explained. “She’ll clean and do my laundry.”

Must be nice.

“I told her you were here,” he continued. “I told her you were sick, and she just wants to check on you.”

We had talked about me meeting his family. I joked about wearing a high ponytail with a pink scrunchie the way Meredith did in Grey’s Anatomy. Shawn replied by saying I’d be wearing a black scrunchie, duh. Clearly, it wasn’t supposed to be like this, the day after a particularly nasty flare up. I was severely unprepared and it was a couple of months too early. But how the hell am I supposed to turn his mother away when she was already here?

“I’ll go out there,” I told him. “Let me just wash my face first.”

Shawn looked pleasantly surprised. “Okay, great. We’ll be in the living room.” He kissed my forehead and got to his feet.

As I pushed myself out of bed, I noticed the persisting pain in my abdomen yet again. Not as bad as last night, but it was still there. I already knew how to handle this.

[singlebecauseofthechocobros]

Expecting (Gladio x Reader)

This was a request a friend of mine made in my ask but since its kind of long I decided to post it here instead. Here’s the prompt:

I got a good one for then. How about a play on his stubbornness and hardheadedness. You always see him willing to give everything to his S/O but what about the rest of his personality? Something to get in the way of what his love wants. She's always wanted children with him, he's completely against it because of his job and the danger that comes with it. Huge fight ensues, she shuts down and drops her wish. Until he sees her with a friend's baby and realizes he yearns for the same w/her. Enjoy!

by- @petitexreine 

Anyway enjoy! It it not completely like the prompt but I still hope you enjoy!  

Word Count: 3,054

A Tuesday

 Sitting in the dining room, you drummed your fingers along the table top as your leg bounced up and down. Fidgeting was helping in no way to calm your nerves and yet you couldn’t stop yourself from moving.

“How much longer,” you asked your friend Cindy, who was sitting across from you.

“It’s only been a minute-“

“Well then how long does it take?”

“At least two, hun.”

Cindy could tell you were nervous. Anyone could see that. Reaching across the table she placed her hand over yours and gave you a soft smile. It didn’t calm you any less but it was comforting to know she was there.

Time seemed to move slower than ever and the only sound you could hear was your thumping heart beating in your chest. You wondered if Cindy could hear your panic as she sat across with a concentrative look viewing the small white applicator sitting on the plate in front of her. You had asked her to announce the outcome of the test since you did not know if you could handle the results.

“Okay,” she said slowly, squinting her eyes at the applicator, “I see one line so far.”

“Don’t say ‘so far’,” you begged, “I need that to be the only line.”

Picking up the stick she held it up to the light, “You may get your wish I don’t see…”

“Don’t see what,” you asked, your voice barely making it out of your throat.

“Two lines…” she spoke slowly turning the applicator towards you. Sure enough another line was beginning to darken next to its fellow line.

You looked away and stood up, running your hands over your head, “It has to be a mistake, there is just no way.”

“Sweetie this was the third one you took,” Cindy spoke, pushing herself away from the table and walking over to you.

“Fourth times the charm right,” you asked quietly as your eyes began to well up with tears, “Maybe if we use a different brand...”

“Y/N,” Cindy cooed, placing her hands on your shoulders and looking you in the eyes, “You’re pregnant hun. All the tests will be the same and tell ya the same thing. You’re having a baby.”

“But I-I can’t have a baby. We’re living in darkness and resources are limited, how am I supposed to raise a child?”

“You say it like you’re alone in this.”

“He doesn’t even know I could be pregnant. I have no clue if he even wants kids and what if he isn’t happy about this w-what am I going to do…”

“Stop panicking,” Cindy cut in firmly, “Everything is going to work out. You need to breath and calm down.  Let’s focus on that and then talk about how to tell Gladdy.”

You nodded your head as Cindy pulled you into a tight hug. You leaned your head on her shoulder as tears rolled down your face.

How were you going to tell him? The discussion of starting a family had never been one that the two of you had had. It never seemed to matter to the both of you considered you did not plan on anything like this. But now in the situation you felt panic in your heart thinking about the life growing within you. How could you do this? How could the two of you be careless and bring another person into this dark world? Sure it had been four years since Noct’s disappearance but you had no clue when he would come back. Could be tomorrow or could be another couple years; you had no idea how long this evil in the world would reign. But you knew one thing: you had about seven months to prepare and figure everything out.

A Few Weeks Later

While there were plenty of bounties posted near Dave’s weapons truck, joining a group and leaving Leastallum was another problem all together. With Cindy being the only one who knew of your condition she watched you like a hawk, worried you would get reckless and wound yourself.

“You have to start watching out for that other life now Y/N. It isn’t just you who could get hurt anymore,” she would say whenever you were around. Her words played on repeat in your head. She was right you would have to be more cautious. On top of that you would have to eat healthier and keep yourself out of danger, which meant putting serious hunting gigs on the back burner for a while. Small hunts would be fine but taking down Behemoths was out of the question.  

So for the past couple weeks you helped Cid and Cindy with weapon improvements. They upgraded and you polished the finished pieces. They agreed to pay you what little they could given your circumstances but you were just grateful to keep your mind and hands preoccupied.

At the end of your days you arrived home just in time to make it to the bathroom. Your nausea came in waves but when it hit you were at its mercy. Thankfully Gladio had not seen your symptoms yet. If he had he would probably be able to put things together: loss of appetite, sickness, mood swings and even headaches. You managed to hide most them all pretty well but knew he needed to know; sooner rather than later.

Sooner came quicker than you anticipated when you were sitting on the couch curled up with him watching a movie you both had seen for the umpteenth time. He sat with his legs stretched out on the coffee table and his arm draped over your shoulders. You leaned into him with your head resting on his chest and your legs curled up underneath the blanked the two of your shared.

The scene in the movie was of a mother and daughter being reunited with a man who had been declared dead after a war. It was a tender moment full of cries of joy and happy smiles; a seemingly perfect family on display. Without thinking you placed a hand on your stomach, not even realizing your actions.

“Hey,” you whispered looking to Gladio.

Turing his head he gave you a small smile, “Hm?”

“Do you think you would want that,” you asked, pointing to the screen.

“What to come back from war and see my family in a cloud of tears and ugly crying faces?”

“Don’t be a smart ass,” you laugh, “I mean a family.”

He smiled and kissed the top of your head, “I already have my family.”

“Of course you have me,” you whispered, “but what about kids?”

The expression on his face contorted into a look of complete seriousness as the next word he muttered was a firm “No”.

“No?”

“No,” he repeated looking at you.

“Why not,” you asked, sitting up and turning to him.

“Why would I? Kids cry and shit themselves. I don’t want to have to give a kid all my time and I definitely don’t want to raise one in this world. You’d have to be stupid to want something like that. You would be even more irresponsible to have one.” You sat silently as he continued, “Besides I have no clue when Noctis gets back but when he does he is my first priority. I swore an oath and I can’t have a kid getting in the middle of that.”

“Oh so you can take an oath but a vow doesn’t mean anything to you,” you shot back, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Hey you knew when you said ‘I do’ that I made a promise to the crown. I can’t just ignore that tradition.” His expression was a little darker now as he looked at you. Irritation was radiating off of him.

“I never expected you to ‘ignore’ it but I figured you would still feel a little remorse having to leave me behind.”

“Well yeah of course I would,” he said, bits of frustration in his tone, “But why put that on a child. What happens if I don’t come back, how are you supposed to tell a kid that? Look I don’t want to argue, you asked and I am telling you I just don’t want kids.”

“And what if I want them? Does that not matter to you?” You were yelling a bit now, your voice higher than you meant it to go.

Standing up he shook his head and headed for the kitchen.

“Are you seriously walking away,” you asked, rising up to follow him.

“I’m done with this conversation,” he retorted angrily, still not turning to look at you.

“Well I’m not,” you shouted, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at his back.

At the contact he tensed up and slowly turned to you. His amber eyes were darker now and he was a fearsome sight to behold. You felt your heart beating furiously as you felt a rage over come you that you had never felt before. How could he look at you like this and treat you like a second choice?

“I already told you-,” he began slowly before you interrupted him.

“I heard what you said,” you yelled, “But what about me? “

“You-,” he started but was cut off again.

“What about what I want? What about my future? What about-,” you tried to finish but he had closed the space between you and was in your face now.

“Then you obviously picked the wrong guy,” he bellowed making you jump. The sudden outburst left you stunned and silent. You looked away from him as he maneuvered his way around you and across the living space, “I’m going for a walk. Don’t wait up.” With that he opened the front door and slammed it shut, making you jump and the pictured on the walls to rattle.

You took in a deep breath and released a sob. Grabbing onto a nearby chair you sat yourself down and cried into your hands. That had gone much worse than you had expected.

A Few Days Later

It had been days since you and Gladio had spoken to each other. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him since each time you did you were reminded of the unwanted bit in your stomach. You weren’t even sure what to do anymore. Should you get rid of it? Keep it and leave? There was no good outcome.

You stood at Iris’s shop and helped her fold clothes she had for sale. The two of you chit-chatted about trivial things as you tried to occupy your mind with other thoughts. As you were in the middle of conversing, a local hunter by the name of Gutsco approached the two of you.

“Hey Y/N I’m sorry to interrupt,” he began, “But I wanted to ask if you were interested in going on this hunt later this afternoon. It’s for an infected Karlabos nearby and we need one more person to make a team. You know they won’t let you leave the city without a certain amount of people.”

You nodded at him and glanced past him and towards Cid’s weapons station. Cindy did not appear to be around and you turned you attention back to Gutsco, “When do we leave?”

Afternoon

The hike from the camp was a little longer than you anticipated. You felt weaker than normal, most likely due to the life growing within you and stealing your energy for itself. Your head was beginning to pound as you sighed wishing for these side effects to go away. You grabbed onto your stomach and silently pleaded for the baby to let you feel alright and stop making you nauseous. “How can something the size of an olive make me feel so bad,” you muttered to yourself glancing down at your belly.

You did not tell Gladio you were going on a trip. You figured some time apart may do you both some good. It was only one night, what could happen?

Lost in your thought you nearly ran into the back of one of your other comrades, who had stopped moving. Looking past her you could see the large creature about fifty yards away. It was unaware of the groups presence, which was good.

Giving a signal, Gustco motioned for everyone to take their positions. Back at camp it had been decided that when in range, the hunters would encompass the creature and move in slowly, ultimately catching it off guard and disposed of quickly.

In theory this plan would have worked perfectly.

In actuality it failed miserably on account of the imps that were hiding in the bushes nearby and alerting the beast.

Everyone soon found themselves slightly outnumbered as they swung their swords mercilessly. You killed imp after imp and soon began to feel as though you were getting somewhere. Looking over to the Karlabos you glanced over your shoulder to Gutsco who just finished killing the last of his personal imp hoard. Giving him a solid nod, he raced over to you and sprinted past towards the creature. Unlike Gutsco who was given glaive powers, you were not so special. You carried a katana and fought hand to hand combat without any sort of warping or magical abilities. It was not a hindering sort of thing but it called for much more precaution than normal.

Swinging at the creatures legs you tried to wound them into submission. To your dismay, the armor covering the beast’s legs were solid. The creature turned quickly and lunged its pinchers at you, to which you rolled out of the way.

Going to stand you felt a pain in your stomach as you clutched your abdomen. Looking up you saw the creature coming at you again to which you avoided. Trying to stand you felt your legs give out as you kneeled to the ground. Your head began to pound as you felt a sickening feeling rush over your body. The creature turned to you and halted a moment before racing towards you and using its body to slam into you. You flew back a few feet and fell limp unto the ground, your subconscious fading into darkness just as the world had.

The Next Day

You awoke in a bed that wasn’t yours. The room smelled of sanitizer and you wearily glanced down to see a needle poking out from your arm. No one was around except for a person sitting in a chair near the entrance reading a book. He looked as he normally did; dress in black and his wild hair combed back. Stubble rested upon his face and dark circles had taken refuge under his eyes. He was drained.

“You look rough,” you mumbled, looking over to him. At the sound of your voice his head shot up and he was out of his chair and rushing to your side.

“Hey,” he whispered sitting on the bed next to you, his hand cupping your face. You placed your hand over his and leaned into him. It had only been a couple days of silence but you had missed him.

“How are you feeling,” he asked concerned.

“Sore,” you replied, closing your eyes and leaning your head back.

“I bet,” he chuckled, “That Karlabos sent you flying from what I hear.”

“Yeah I guess it did,” you replied. You suddenly remembered the pain prior to your flight and you look down to your belly. Was the baby okay? Did anything happen to it?

Seeing the panic in your expression Gladio took your hand in his, “It’s fine.”

“What,” you ask trying to hide your nerves.

“Y/N,” he spoke, “I know.”

“About?”

“About the baby.”

At his words you instantly felt your throat tighten up and your eyes begin to fill with tears. Bringing your hand up to your mouth you tried to stifle a sob that was attempting to escape. Shaking your head you swallowed your cry and looked to him, “I-I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you but you said you didn’t want a kid and I didn’t know what to do after that. I don’t want to leave you, I don’t ever want to leave you but I don’t want to lose the baby either. I don’t know what to do but I don’t want you to go.”

At the sight of your cries, Gladio pulls you to him, careful of your IV. He engulfs you in an embrace as he lets you cry.

“I will never leave you Y/N,” he begins, “I said those things because I’m scared. I don’t know the first thing about being a dad. And I would never have wanted to decisively bring a kid into this world; one full of daemons and monsters.  I would have never chosen that on purpose. How am I supposed to protect them? I couldn’t even protect Noctis. Every time I leave you I worry I may not come home or worse; I come home and you’re gone. Killed in combat or maybe you realize how unworthy I am of you. I’m scared as hell that I’ll lose someone else I love and I can’t handle that.” You looked up to him, seeing that his own eyes began to fill with tears, “I love you so much it scares me but there is not one other person on Eos I would rather start a family with. We messed up but were going to make this work. Boy or girl I already love that thing inside you. I love you Y/N and I won’t ever leave you or our kid.”

Placing your hand on his cheek you wiped away the droplets that fell. Leaning up you placed a soft kiss on his lips, leaned your forehead against his and whispered, “I love you,” so quietly only he would be the one to hear them, “We can do this.”

“I know,” he replied, placing a hand on your stomach, “We’re having a kid.” 

“Yeah,” you laughed as you watched him smile and stare at your stomach. The affection and amazement in his gaze filled you with absolute adoration for the man. In that moment everything felt right. Felt as though you both were going to be alright and that was a feeling you had been waiting for, for quite some time.

  DA CREW: @glaive-eve​ @lucianhuntress​ @bleucommelhiver​ @promptoastandjam​ @owldearest​ @sherniwrites​

(Y’all let me know what you think okay lol)

[kee-writestrashh]

Guns for Hire

Ramsay Bolton x Reader

Ao3

Summary:  You are the wife to the Heir of the Red Kings, Ramsay Bolton. living the undercover life of a mob wife has its perks, and you love your husband. But you find out something that seems to unfold a series of unwanted events...

Chapter 4: Friday Night Brawls

You adjusted your green and red elf skirt, placed your little hat on, and gave yourself one last look in the mirror. You frowned thinking of all the clothes and outfits you would probably never be able to wear again when summer rolled around.

You loved dressing up for holidays. Ramsay wasn't a fan, but money was money. This costume was a bit more modest as you wore tights under the skirt because it was cold as shit. Thankfully the snow had been put on hold.

You walked into the living room. Ramsay was sprawled out on the couch watching TV and biting at his nails.

"Alright, baby. I gotta go." You said stopping at the end of the couch.

"Take the Nova." Ramsay said, sitting up as you walked in. He held out the keys.

You narrowed your eyes, "why?"

"Because I said. Be a good girl. Don't argue."

You took the keys and leaned down to kiss your husband. He pulled you down into his lap and kissed you hungrily. You melted into him as he kissed across your jaw and worried what was surely a large and very prominent hickey on your neck. He often liked to mark you before you went to work. You were his and he wasn't about to let anyone forget that.

He finally let go of you. You smiled, giving him one last quick kiss. He slapped your ass when you turned around to leave.

"I'll see you later?" You asked, opening the front door and glancing back at your husband.

He simply nodded.

×××

You walked through the backdoor, hanging up your keys and then hanging up your purse in a locker, exchanging it for your waist apron.

"Oly! I'm here!" You called, glancing around. The bar didn't open officially for another thirty minutes tonight, so it was just you and Olyvar until the new girls showed up.

"Up front! Finishing the decorations!" Olyvar's voice called.

You walked into the cavernous, empty bar. Olyvar too was dressed as an elf, in his green tunic and red tights. He was standing on the counter hanging the last of the Christmas lights.

"Be a dear and plug them in?" Your coworker asked.

You followed the trail of lights to the outlet and plugged them in.

Olyvar jumped down from the counter, jingling as he did so from his bells on his slippers and hat, admiring his handiwork.

"Not too shabby." You said, looking around the festive place. "So, what company?"

"Lion Gate." Olyvar said, walking behind the counter, grabbing two glasses and pouring out two shots.

You felt a panic surge through you. Lion Gate was owned by Tywin Lannister, head of the Rampant Lions. The Rampant Lions and the Red Kings had been at war in the city and surrounding areas for a long time. While Ramsay was heir to the Red Kings, he had formed his own little gang, the Bastard's Boys that he kept busy with the most. If the Lannister's showed up, it was sure to be trouble. What were they playing at? They didn't hold any ground or footing on this side of town.

"What were you thinking? They can't come here. If Ramsay finds out..." You began as Olyvar downed his shot.

"We are one of the best places in the city of a Friday night. And, money is money."

Olyvar pushed the second glass to you, but you shook your head. "I can't."

Olyvar scrunched his brow before realization spread over his face and he practically squealed like a teenage girl.

"Oh. My. God! How exciting! When did you find out? What was Ramsay like? Tell me everything!" He said, smiling broadly.

Olyvar was one of your oldest friends. He had started working at the bar when you did, both putting yourselves through school. But when the bar owner died he had split the place between you both. Olyvar did work from time to time for Ramsay, selling things on the side. He was like a brother to you, and it didn't hurt that he was into men. You assumed this to be the only reason Ramsay never said anything about you talking to him, or being friendly with him.

You took a seat and smiled, "well, I found out yesterday afternoon after Ramsay left. I've been feeling like shit for like two months now. Cramps. Headaches. Constant upset stomach. And then remembered I hadn't had my period in months. So on the way here I picked up a test and it said yes. I was actually kind if afraid of how Rams would react. We had never talked about it before. So, anyway, I told him last night and he demanded we go get some tests. You know him. Well, I took four. They all said yes. I guess he's excited. But, hard to tell. He doesn't really express excitement. Then he made me an appointment this morning and the doctor said I was about eight or nine weeks. Heard the heartbeat and I wanted to cry. It was so amazing. I have an appointment on the third to get an ultrasound done." You gushed, glad to have someone to tell.

"Little baby Bolton. This city is not ready for that." Olyvar said with a laugh.

You laughed. He was not wrong. There was a knock on the front door. You glanced at the clock. 4:45. You got up from your stool and walked to the front door, letting Damon and Ben in. You gave them both smiles, which they didn't really return.

Ramsay probably religiously threatened them to not look at you. He was a very scary person when angry, or bored. Whichever.

"We're streaming the fight tonight. Sure we'll be fine with only four of us and the two in the kitchen?" Olyvar asked turning on the various TV screens.

"Yeah. I think. Sorry, I forgot all about the fight. But we've had bigger events with fewer. Maybe could have done with a couple extra hands in the kitchen though. See if you can get anyone else to come in to kitchen duty?" You said, as two girls walked in.

Roslin was a quiet college student, who was looking to make a bit of extra money. She wasn't overly pretty with her dull eyes and mousy Brown hair, but she wasn't ugly either. But you weren't sure bartending would be something she was cut out for. She was timid and you were afraid of men taking advantage of her innocence as far as the bar scene went. But you had hired her anyways. Remembering how you were when you had first come here. And now look at you. Wife to the heir of a multi million dollar organized crime family.

You had no worries with the other girl, Tyene. She was loud, wild, and more than capable of handling herself. She had been working here for a couple weeks now, and the men loved her. Her dark skin, hair, and eyes made her stand out. Made then men pay extra attention, and money. She was born to hustle and get what she wanted. If she proved her worth, loyalty, and cunning you may talk Ramsay into getting her in with the girls.

"Hey hey!" Tyene cried, putting her reindeer antler headband on.

"Glad to see we all dressed up." You said, grinning broadly, looking the two girls over as Tyene snapped on a big, red blinking nose.

Roslin flushed and gave a timid twirl in her Mrs. Claus dress.

"Alright, so it's us four tonight on the floor. Kitchen will be a bit understaffed, as it's only Mac and Dag, tonight unless we can get a couple more in. So only finger foods and appetizers tonight. Big party coming in, plus the fight. I'm assuming you advertised we were playing it?" You said, glancing at Olyvar, who gave a nod. You left him in charge of the Facebook page and other advertising outlets.

"Great. So, we will be crowded and busy. Anything you make you keep, other than prices of the drinks and food. Remember ladies, they can look, but they cannot touch you. We may not be a strip club, but we follow those same rules. Anyone gives you any problems just raise your fist in the air and Ben or Damon here will come to your aid." You motioned to the two burly men. "Don't let no man give you any shit. Feel free to drink, just remember to pay for it, and stay with it enough to do your jobs. By the time the night is over, you ladies will be very happy." You continued, clapping your hands and glancing at the clock. The two cooks walked into the bar and giving you thumbs up before disappearing into the kitchen to let you know they were there.

As assumed, the bar filled quickly and the volume steadily increased with the flow of liquor, smoke, and smells of greasy buffalo wings, fries, and mountains of nachos.

When the Lion Gate group arrived you didn't recognize anyone that could possibly cause trouble. They seemed to just be regular employees, not gang members. But, you could be wrong. You weren't as good as Ramsay when it came to picking rival gang members out of a crowd. They were a very loud and rowdy group. Both your girls were pocketing bills like crazy, and Olyvar spent his time behind the counter mixing drinks and flirting with a couple guys.

The smoke, smells, and sounds were starting to get to you. Your stomach turned over and you suddenly felt nauseous. A headache was starting to form. You caught Olyvar's attention and mimed taking a 'time out'. He gave you a thumbs up as you disappeared to the safety of the back room.

You sighed, taking a deep breath. You pulled your phone from your apron pocket. It was almost ten. Only another hour.

You sat at a small table, resting your head on it for awhile, trying to compose yourself and fighting the urge to throw up when the police scanner in the corner sounded.

"All available units to seventy fifth and Trident. Multiple gunshot wounds. Back up requested immediately."

'No mans land.' you thought to yourself with a frown. What was Ramsay up to? Nobody every held that stretch very long.

After awhile you got a hold of yourself, stood up, and pulled a water bottle from the employee fridge, and chugged half of it before getting back to work.

"(Y/n)!" Olyvar called. You glanced over at him, who nodded to the corner to Roslin.

She was being harassed by a couple of men. Tyene was across the room cutting up with a group, and Damon and Ben were busy keeping a fight from breaking out. You frowned, clenching your jaw and stomping over to the corner.

Roslin's eyes were wide in pleading when you appeared at her side. One of the men grabbed her ass.

"Excuse me, sir. But you are not allowed to touch my girls. Release her and keep your hands to yourself or you will be asked to leave." You said, pulling Roslin away, and shielding her.

The man laughed, grabbing your hip. "Oh come on baby, it's just a bit of fun. Get into the holiday spirit. I could make it worth your while." He slammed a stack of bills on the table with a drunken laugh.

You stepped back, but his grip tightened. You narrowed your eyes at the man, "get out of my bar."

He laughed, releasing his grip and slapping your ass. You brought your hand up to slap him, but he caught your wrist.

"Or what, doll? You'll call the police?"

A hand landed on the man's shoulder and you looked to see Ramsay flanked by five men. He gripped the man's shoulder until the man squirmed in pain, fury painted all over his face.

"Unfortunately for you, we don't call the police around here." Ramsay growled as two of the men pulled the man from his seat and drug him towards the back exit.

Ramsay looked you up and down, "how many times did he touch you, baby girl?"

"Three." You said, watching the fire burn in his eyes. He gave a nod, gave you a fleeting kiss, and stalked towards the exit.

"(Y/n), I'm so sorry." Roslin squeaked.

You gave a glance at the other man. He was oddly calm, for his buddy being dragged away as he simply sat there, scrolling through his phone, pocketing the stack of cash. This made your pulse quicken. You hurried to the bar counter and then ran towards the exit.

You stepped into the alley to find Ramsay bouncing the man's head off the brick wall next door.

You averted your eyes and pursed your lips, trying to ignore the sick, crunching sound. "Rams, we have a problem. He's a Rampant. As was his buddy."

Ramsay stopped in his action, dropping the man, who fell in a heap. Ramsay grabbed the man's arm and ripped his sleeve back. On the man's forearm was a tattoo of a rampant lion in red.

Ramsay pulled a knife from his pocket. One of Ramsay's men stuffed a rag into the Lion man's mouth as Ramsay hacked at the tattoo until the skin came away. You watched in horror as Ramsay clutched the piece of skin.

"Make it clean, boys." Ramsay said, looking at the group of men. They all left quickly, pulling guns.

"Don't you make a mess in my bar!" You hissed at your husband. "The cops are already being nosy!"

Ramsay gave you a long look. "Not a drop." He said, walking past you and holding the door open.

You glanced at the severely injured man laying on the pavement. "What about him? You can't just leave him."

"Baby girl, don't worry yourself about anything. It will all be taken care of. They started it, coming to my kingdom. Now, get back in there and get back to work. The lions won't be back." Your husband said, rather impatiently.

You just gave a nod and went back inside. You hurried back to the counter, pulling Olyvar to you so you could whisper in his ear. "Volume up, lights down. Now." You hissed.

Olyvar did as you instructed. Nobody seemed to notice. They were all too absorbed in the fight and drowning in beer. You glanced around and gasped as a hand grabbed you. Instinct brought your hand up, but Ramsay's chuckle stopped you. You relaxed.

"Come on." He said, pulling you along.

You furrowed your brows, but followed him to the table the other man still sat at. Ramsay took the empty seat across from him, pulling you into his lap, as his group of men formed a tight circle around the table. He leaned forward, his wicked smirk in place.

"I believe you owe my wife an apology." He said casually to the man.

The man scoffed, "I didn't touch her, speak to her, or even look at her."

Ramsay tutted and rolled his eyes, "I said that you owe my wife an apology. I will not tell you again."

"Listen punk, I don't know who you think..." the man started, puffing up, but his words were lost as Ramsay slammed the crudely flayed tattooed skin on the table.

"Our blades are sharp." Ramsay breathed with so much malice the temperature seemed to drop.

Your stomach churned at the piece of flesh on the table. You frowned, closing your eyes, and saying a small prayer.

What happened next was a blur. You saw Ramsay pull his knife, but everything that followed wouldn't come into focus as you were on your knees, vomiting in the toilet of the bar bathroom.

"(Y/n)? Are you okay?" Came Tyene's voice.

You leaned back, heaving a shaky sigh. "Yeah, dear. I'm just... I'm pregnant. Apparently the little one didn't like what I ate last."

Which was true. Nachos had been a very bad idea. However, you weren't sure if seeing a man murdered in front of you or the morning sickness had made you wretch.

"Okay, well, your husband, I think, is waiting on you. Says you should go home and rest. I was confused at first. But now it all makes sense. Congratulations! You know, even if it's not the ideal position to be told." She said with a small laugh at the end.

Well, now you were confused. Didn't complete chaos just unleash in the bar?

You pushed yourself up, sighed, flushed the toilet, and stepped out of the stall. Tyene peered at you curiously as you washed your hands, vigorously.

"What's it like out there?" You asked, drying your hands.

"Normal? A few men were escorted out, but other than that, everyone seems to be having a hell of a time."

You sighed again. This time relieved.

Tyene held the door open for you and you stepped back on to the floor. Sure enough, it was like nothing had ever happened. Ramsay pushed his empty shot glass back to Olyvar and rose from his stool when he saw you.

He looked you over, and held out his hand.

"You sure you'll be alright without me?" You asked Olyvar.

He nodded and gave you a smile, "of course. You just worry about you. We've got this."

You nodded and let Ramsay lead you to the back room. He said nothing as he untied your apron, grabbed your purse, and the keys hanging up.

"Come on baby girl. Let's get home."

You turned to Ramsay, who was as calm as could be, lighting a cigarette.

"What the fuck just happened?" You cried, throwing your hands up.

"Business. Seat belt, baby doll." He replied simply, exhaling smoke.

"Business? I just watched you kill a man in the middle of a crowded bar and no one freaked the fuck out. Explain." You said, demanding the last part.

Ramsay gave a harsh laugh, "If no one hears, no one sees."

"What the fuck were you thinking? The cops..."

"Will know nothing." He cut across you.

"How many men did you kill?"

"Just the cunt in the alley and at the table."

"What about the others?"

"We saw them out and sent them running along with messages to deliver."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't worry, baby girl. Everything will be okay. You just worry about my child inside you."

You frowned. This city was about to become very unsafe. For everyone. Including the unborn child inside of you.

Fear and dread welled inside you as you burst into tears.

Ramsay raised his brows in surprise and gave you a quick look.

"This is not right! Everything is such a mess!" You sobbed, snatching your hat off and clutching it in your hand to cry into.

"Whoa there, little momma. Calm down. Everything is fine. It will be fine. I have eyes everywhere." Ramsay said, softly.

It wasn't a very reassuring voice. That wasn't him. He wasn't one to comfort.

You simply gave a sniff and nodded.

Neither of you said anything for the remainder of the trip home.

Ramsay opened your door and helped you out. He placed a kiss to your temple as he led you inside and straight to the bedroom.

You simply stood there as he undressed you, kissing each bit of skin he exposed.

"What do you want?" He asked, kissing along your collar bone.

"Something to make me forget the things I saw tonight."

"Oh come on now baby girl. It wasn't that bad." Ramsay chortled, grabbing your hips.

You rested your cheek on his chest and sighed, "Rams, I watched you smash a man's head into a brick wall and then cut his skin off. I watched you stab a man point blank across a table while I sat in your lap. You could have hurt somebody innocent. What part of that wasn't so bad?"

Ramsay placed his finger under your chin and brought your face up to look at him.

"First things first, baby girl. Nobody at a bar is innocent. Second, both of those men disrespected you. Therefore disrespecting me. I will not have that. At all."

You looked away from him. Maybe he was right. Or at least had a point. You looked back up at him and opened your mouth to say something when your breath caught. The cramps were bad enough. But the increasing nausea was getting really fucking annoying.

Ramsay raked his eyes over your face and frowned, pulling you to the bed. He undressed and slid into the bed next to you, pulling you close and running his hand through your hair until you finally fell into a deep sleep.

[loading99percent]

Nice to Meet You

Pairing: LYJ x OC [Li Meilian] Genre: slice of life Word Count: 1,436 Summary: “ You’re my neighbor who got drunk and thought this was your apartment but I can’t just send you back home when you keep crying and venting about all of these awful things happening to you” cliche APT AUs.

Warning: swearing and the mentioning of drinking (obviously lol)

My third request, but sharing out of order as I got inspiration in writing this request as I’m still stuck with the others. Sorry for the wait to the anon that requested this. I’ve been in a slump and life got in the way and I actually found time to write and finish this. Hope you like it and happy reading and kthxbai, Admin Lia~

Meilian staggered down the hallway of her apartment floor after stepping out of the elevators. She normally didn't get drunk unless she knew that one of her friends would take care of her, but tonight she just needed a drink and had one too many. Feeling the slight headache coming on, Meilian continued to hurried, but clumsily walk down the long hallway until she reached the door to her apartment. Meilian pressed the four digit code, but it didn't work. Believing it to be because of her drunken state, Meilian tried again, but failed once more. She steadied herself as she stared at the nine-numbered key pad as she slowly, but surely pressed the right buttons. It still didn't work.

Frustrated, Meilian let out an agitated sigh as she tried to fish her keys out of her bag. While rummaging through it she grew more irritated as she couldn't locate her set of keys amongst all the other junk she got in her bag. Cursing herself for basically stuffing so much stuff in it she started mumbling about everything else that was going on in her life at the moment and it seemed that fate really wanted to mess with her of all days. Once Meilian finally found her keys, she slowly found the right one before inserting it into the keyhole, and fter turning it and thinking it would open now, it didn't and Meilian let out a strangled cry of disbelief.

"Seriously? What the fuck, man?" Meilian silently cried as she banged her head against the door several times while not caring that it would probably leave a bruise later.

Just as Meilian's forehead was about to smack against the door for the nth time, it suddenly opened and Meilian stumbled into another body. Yanjun's eyes widened upon the female falling against him as he instinctively held out his arms and steadied her with his arms still lingering around her to make sure she wouldn't fall over.

"Are you okay?" He simply asked, but this innocent question opened a dam and Meilian burst into angry tears.

"No, I'm not okay!" She cried before ranting. "Nothing's fucking okay! Life sucks! The owner of my job is a fuckin' dick and a cheapskate. My general manager is a two-face bitch who won't hesitate to throw someone under the bus to save her own ass and all of my colleagues can't do shit without being told to do something." Meilian let out a heavy sighed. "I hate being an assistant manager that they still treat like a regular worker that knows how to do more shit than them and still keep it professional, yet all these motherfuckin' idiots think it's easy to be in my position when all they do is depend on me when they don't know how to do something or want a scapegoat."

"Daman, I hate stupid people." Meilian sighed once more as she continued to speak. "I really wanna quit, but I still need the job and money. I just wish they would realize that I'm important and without me they wouldn't even be where they are right now because they still can't fuckin' operate the system on their own without blowing up my phone left to right." Meilian leaned her head against Yanjun's chest as tears continued to escaped. "Why can't they use their own brain and actually assess the situation, look it up on their own, or even make sure it's all there before bugging me?"

Yanjun stood frozen with Meilian still in his arms and wasn't sure how to respond as he was totally not expecting this at 2 in the morning. He kind of regretted in opening the door, but he had to know who was relentlessly banging on his door and had inserted the wrong code three times that woke him up as his security system's automated voice kept interrupting his sleep. Although he has seen Meilian and exchanged a few greetings and light conversations here and there, Yanjun has never really seen her in this kind of state before or well been in her presence for this long since they said hi to one another. Plus, Yanjun never really learned his neighbor's name despite living in the apartment complex for almost two years now.

"And now I can't even enter my apartment because the code doesn't work and neither does my key." Meilian continued on speaking as she just felt like venting to someone since her roommate was overseas due to work and her other friends that she went drinking with she didn't feel like talking about work and they made sure she temporarily forgot about it. "And I have this splitting headache pounding against my head and now I really wished that I didn't drink so much tonight, but after today's stressful event at work I really needed it."

Yanjun slowly started rubbing Meilian's upper back in a comforting motion while quietly calming her down with several 'shhs' despite his shirt being drenched with his neighbor's tears. Meilian wasn't even sure why she had ranted this to her neighbor as she didn't want anyone to see her like this especially when someone as good-looking as Yanjun didn't need to witness this ugly side of her. Meilian hated anyone seeing her like this as she felt like no one should see someone in this state. Plus, she didn't even know the name of her neighbor despite living here for a couple of years. Anyways, Meilian mustered up the energy and pulled herself out of Yanjun's embrace and backed up while wiping the rest of her tears away.

"Sorry about that." Meilian apologized while shooting Yanjun an apologetic smile. "I just realized now that I kind of sobered up a bit and after seeing the number of your apartment that this isn't even my floor." She let out a scoff. "I'm such a mess and I'm sorry for disturbing you with my problems as you didn't even need to hear any of that from a total stranger although w're neighbors and what not. Anyways, I'm just gonna go and probably screamed into my pillow of this embarrassment for the rest of my life." Meilian then shot Yanjun a sheepish look. "And definitely avoid you for the remainder of my stay here, too. Bye."

Yanjun reached out a hand and took Meilian by the elbow and Meilian looked at him questioningly.

"You’re my neighbor who got drunk and thought this was your apartment but I can’t just send you back home when you keep crying and venting about all of these awful things happening to you." Yanjun told her before letting go of her elbow and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Well, you were crying and venting, but you seem to be feeling better now." Yanjun contemplated if he should ask the question that backfired earlier, but he felt that it was safe to ask now. "Are you okay?"

A small smiled appeared on Meilian's face as she nodded slowly. "Yeah, I'm okay now. Thanks for letting me vent out to you and for caring even if you didn't have to, but it was much appreciated."

Yanjun smiled showcasing his dimples and this made Meilian feel slightly even more better upon seeing them.

"Well, I know it's maybe like three now and you may want to sleep this off, but I'm up and you're still up," Yanjun began, "Would you like something to eat or some water and maybe an Advil or Tylenol to help you?"

Meilian let out a small chuckle as she debated with herself about his offered and agreed. "Sure, I guess. I did wake you up and since you're offering, I guess it's the least I could do to accept it."

"Lovely. I'm Lin Yanjun by the way." Yanjun introduced himself while offering his hand which Meilian accepted instantly. "Li Meilian. It's nice to finally and properly meet you, Yanjun."

"Likewise, Meilian. Oh, just to let you know, I don't know how to cook, so I hope you don't mind microwave food or ready to eat food."

"It's fine. I can probably make something for the both of us once the alcohol finally leave my system or something close to it, which reminds me. I really do need to use your bathroom though."

Yanjun chuckled as he motioned for her to enter his apartment. "It's down the hall and the first door on the left."

"Thank you!" Meilian said as she took off while Yanjun shut the door and looked towards his kitchen. "I hope I have stuff that she can actually make."

[cartoonfangirl1218]

Necklace

Another Lisa Snart Appreciation one, this one was childhood. So tw for child abuse. 

"Lisa, c'mon get moving!" Daddy yelled, impatiently Lisa's small hands shook as she struggled to open the lock with her barrette.

Daddy had taught her to pickpocket last year and today hesaid he needed her for another one of his jobs. He needed to get a bunch of small diamonds that were kept in the safe of the bank.

Lisa felt tears creeping up in her eyes, and the image in front of her started to get blurry. She swiped at her eyes quickly and hoped that daddy didn't see. He hated it when she cried. She was being a big baby and needed to focus.

But it was hard. She was scared.

The room was very dark with only a small upper light on the ceiling. Lisa hated the dark, it reminded her of home with the stinky smell of mold and beer. And there was so much noise. The screaming of the alarm, the shouts and yells of police officers.

"Worthless piece of shit" Daddy snarled, pushing her to the corner as he tried face open the locket himself with the barrette.

Lisa huddled herself into the corner, hoping that this all would be over soon. That daddy could get his shiny diamonds and they couldgo home. She wanted to go to her pink room and hide under the bed.

"Shit shit shit!” Daddy cursed. He banged the door hard in frustration.

"Lisa!" He barked "Do it right this time!"

Lisa scrambled back to the safe and jiggled the barrette again, her fingers cramping.

"Dammit!" Daddy yelled when the police knocked down the door.

He took out his gun from the belt he wore and ran as he shot. Lisa ran behind him. He shoved and knocked any of the remaining police officers out of the way and ran to the door. He slammed the car doors of their get away car and drove home through back alleyways and off beaten paths.

Once the two entered the living room, Lisa tensed. She knew what was coming. She failed again.

"What the hell did you do back there!" Daddy yelled with a backhand slap to the face. "I taught you better than that. If it weren't for you I would have the damn diamonds and have enough money for beer to last a year!"

"I'm sorry, Daddy." Lisa mumbled, tears silently streaking down her face. She hated disappointing her dad, he would get all scary and angry and hit her.

"Sorry? Sorry! Lisa you shouldn't be sorry. Dammit you shouldn't have been born. You were suppose to be my plan B, and so far you're just a worthless piece of crap you know that. Just like your brother. Worse really. He didn't start crying."

"I'm sorry" Lisa wailed miserably. She hated herself, she didn't mean to mess up. She didn't want to mess up Daddy's life he always was telling her she did.

"Stop crying bitch!" Daddy screamed "Stop crying! Stop yelling! You already destroyed my night enough as it is. You're giving me a headache. Just go.” 

"But Daddy I'm hungry.." Lisa whimpered. She had been hoping for a slice of pizza. Usually Daddy didn't give her any when she was bad but he had't started kicking her like he did last time so maybe he would.

"Hungry? After what you did, you think you deserve food? Here have a drink.” 

She felt the shatter of glass bottle on her leg.

"Daddy stop! You're hurting me" Lisa screeched. She knew it was useless but she still begged anyway.  "Sometimes you gotta to live with the hurt." Daddy shoved his fist into her stomach. "Why won't you listen to me! Just do what I ask for once!" Lisa scrambled from the floor and ran to her room.

"Yeah run bastard. Get back in my face and I'l give you a lesson you'll never forget!" Daddy yelled, throwing another bottle that hit the door. She slammed the door to her room and started crying.

A long time ago she learned to cry silently, even though Daddy hated crying in general, he really didn't like loud crying.

She hid under her blankets for awhile, just sobbing and waiting to move without pain. She slowly looked at herself. She wasn't bleeding a lot like the other times when she got hit with the bottle. 

Quietly sniffling, Lisa peeked out from behind her door. The living room lights were on, and she could hear Daddy yelling in the phone at someone. She tiptoed as quietly as she could to her older brother, Lenny's room. She ducked into his closet and opened a small wooden box stuffed behind a pile of clothes.

The box had a crystal, see through chain with a shiny, gold star. Leonard gave it to her last year for her sixth birthday, he said to put it in his room and keep it safe and not tell Daddy. He said it had been Mommy's before she died.

It was really pretty, it was gold and shiny and she could see herself in it. She liked gold, she thought gold meant it was good and pure like a princess.

Lenny told her that Mommy went to a nice place called heaven where you could have anything you wanted like puppies and ice cream, and that's why she wasn't coming back.

She liked Lenny's story better than what Daddy told her. Daddy said that Mommy left because she was so worthless and didn't want to raise such a stupid child. It made her feel bad, not only was she more worthless than the other kids, she didn't have a mommy because of it.

She didn't really know which one was true though. She wanted to believe Lenny but all the kids at school said that their parents knew everything and the teacher said to always listen to adults because they know more.

Lisa chose to believe Leonard because he was old and smart and said that sometimes adults are stupid, like Daddy and not to believe what he says at all. And something about not trying to win his approval.

She didn't know why though. If she didn't win his approval she just got hurt.

She really wanted Lenny now.

Leonard had gone to a place called jail, Daddy said it was where people go when they were failures. He told her the only reason she wasn't there too was because police had caught him being bad, and since she was his daughter he wasn't going to tell the police on her.

She didn't want to go to jail, she saw it when she visited Lenny and it was full of scary ugly men. Lisa thought Lenny was the only pretty guy in the whole place.

She had wanted to go to heaven too but Lenny said only adults went, and they were chosen to go one day and then they went. She wanted Daddy to go to heaven, then he could have the diamonds he wanted and leave her alone.

She looked at the necklace again and sighed. She wanted a Mommy. She wanted to be like all the other kids that hugged their parents and got to go to places like the playground and have someone push them on the swings.

"I love you Mommy. I hope you're having a good time in heaven. I miss you.”  She felt her finger scratch on something she hadn't felt before.

She crawled out of the closet to stand by the window in the room. The moonlight casts some light in the necklace and she could read, "Love is a beauty within."

Maybe Mommy was listening! And Daddy was wrong, Mommy had loved her.

She smiled and crawled into Lenny's bed, clutching the necklace. "Love you too Mommy" she whispered and went to sleep

[lachenlernen]

27062016

i guess i never loved anyone the way i loved you. i never meant to fall in love with you and i would have never ever imagined, that i would ever fall in love with you. you seemed so far away but in the end it felt you were the closest i've ever been to anyone. i sort of never expected a lot from you, i can't tell you why. but i never felt that safe before. i never needed anyone as i need you and god, it's killing me that you don't need me back and that you probably won't need me back ever again. you made my world shine a little brighter, you made even the sun adorable and you made the moonlight even greater than it already is. i felt like home looking at you and i never was afraid of anything with you next to me. there is so much i would like to tell you but i can't put all of it into words, at least not yet. but i know for sure that i love you more than everything. i see you in nearly everthing i see when i look around. i see you in strangers, they just got to wear the same shoes as you did or wear a jacket, that looks like yours. i'm having panic attacks when i wake up and you're not around when i was so sure, that you were. i hear your clock in my ear all the fucking time and it makes me go crazy. i'm sort of just waiting for you to show up out of nowhere but i know that you won't. you made my anxiety seem less. but now that you're gone i'm so afraid of everything. i'm afraid of looking in the mirror, of seeing my face with those ugly and swollen eyes. i'm afraid of putting on clothes because i know, that you won't be the one, to take them off. i'm afraid of going downstairs into the kitchen because i know that you won't be there eating your favourite cereals. i'm afraid of leaving the house and having all those people starring at me because i always feel like they know that i wasn't enough for you. i'm scared of entering school because i can't have myself breaking out in tears while sitting in class, not again. i can't have people telling shit about me and looking dumb at me and saying mean things when i walk by because i know now, that they are right. my anxiety is eating me up inside. that's why i never told you anything. i was so afraid that you could stop liking me when you would find out, how fucked up i really was. i wanted to tell you so so many things. and god, i'm so sorry i didn't! i wanted to tell you, that i love you. i wanted to tell you that i really love lovebites and that it would make me feel so nice, if you would have made me one. i wanted to tell you, what really was going on in my family. that my dad has to take pills so he won't yell at us all the time. that my mom cries when she thinks that she is alone. that my brother is calling me all these ugly names. that my mum and dad and even my brother just won't stop hitting the lil ones, no matter what i say. i would scream at them and tell them to stop and they'd just be like 'shut the fuck up you dumb cow or you will be the next one to be beaten up!'. i wanted to tell you, that i want to see a therapist again because my head is fucking me up pretty much lately. i wanted to tell you, that i was so so afraid of loosing you because my head kept telling me, that i'm not good enough for you, that you don't like me at all, that you're enjoying nothing but the sex, that you can have so many girls who are way better than i am. i knew that you could have so many other girls but i was so fucking okay with it because i knew, that you choose me out of all these girls. but now the voices in my head are getting louder and louder. they're laughing at me for not listening to them earlier. they told me i wasn't enough and now they're yelling it in my head all the damn time. the headache won't go away and i feel like puking all the time. my body always used to be shaky when you were around because i was so afraid of doing something wrong. after the sex i covered my body with the blankets because i thought, that you probably wouldn't like what you saw. that you could think my body is disgusting. i always was so afraid that you would see me the same way that i see myself. but you never did, at least it felt like you never did. you told me i was beautiful when i thought that i have to look like shit. you said something when i wasn't brave enough to get out a single word. if i could just explain to you, how afraid i was of speaking. how my mind made me feel so ashamed of everything i said. how i thought i would risk to loose you with saying something wrong. that's why i decided to say nothing at all. and even when i really wanted to, i wasn't able to do so. when you were next to me in my arms i was screaming from the top of my lungs that i love you and god, how i wish i would have been able to speak it out loud. but i was so afraid of what your answer would might be. deep down i knew that you would tell me, that you loved me too but my head kept on telling me that you would just laugh at me. that someone as beautiful as you would never love someone as broken as me. my head made me keep my mouth shut. as much as i wanted to tell you how much you meant to me, i never was able to. that one day i told you that i love you but you were fallen asleep already and i didn't want to wake you up again and my head was just like 'you get in now? people get tired of you pretty fast. he wouldn't have told you that he loved you back anyway so it totally was better that way.' my mind made me hate myself so much. but you made me feel like i was worth being loved, that i deserve to be called pretty or interesting. and i always believed you when you said those things to me. i mostly never slept when you slept next to me because you mostly stole the blankets but i never cared. i was so thankful for having you sleeping next to me. and every morning you asked if i slept well i said yes because i knew that it probably was what you wanted to hear. you look so cute when you're asleep. i mean you looked cute all the time, but when you were asleep you kind of looked the cutest. i miss watching you sleep because i couldn't fell asleep because you had the blankets and i was freezing. but every sleepless night next to you was a thousand times better than every night asleep without you. i mean, i never slept well anyways but when you weren't there, i kept seeing you in my dreams. some of those dreams were good and a lot of them were bad, but then waking up and not having you around to hug me always had been the worst. everything about you felt so damn right. nothing in my life ever felt that right before. it felt like i finally had found a moon to all my messed up stars. you knew about all the scars on my body and you still loved me. i told you that i was a complete mess and i will only fuck things up because that's my thing, because i always am the one to fuck everything up. you told me that you knew all these things and that you still thought, that i am a wonderful person. i feel like i never knew much about you but with everytime i saw you, i seemed to know you a little better. you promised me that you wouldn't cheat on me and you were the first one i could believe without any struggles. it broke me even more to find out, that you did, but i guess that's another story. i don't even know you for 6 months now but i swear to god, i never felt so at home as when i looked at you. and it's just now that you are gone, there is nothing left for me, there is nothing left of you for me. i can't seem to find any sleep at all and when i do, my head is following me into my dreams and i wake up sweaty and scared. i keep on having these dreams in which i'm killing myself and i still can't tell if they are nightmares or if they're not. everything seems to be so wrong now that you left and my head is like 'yeah bitch, you deserved all of this!' all the fucking time and i just can't overhear the voices inside my head anymore. i feel so sorry for everything i did and i feel even more sorry for everything that i didn't. it still is you who i think of when i'm smoking a cigarette. i keep on imagine you holding me tight while smoking cigarette after cigarette. no one has ever made me go so insane, as you did and no one ever filled me up with so much love, as you did. truth is, i love you more than i can tell and i don't think that this is going to change. and i really don't want to live without you by my side. you mean the fucking world to me. you are my everything. you are my moon. one year later i still feel the same. i still love you. stars are floating through space, not knowing where to go, where to stop. i miss you.

[emanresusi-blog]

Musings of schizotypals Pt. 1

L.G. - I have a sucky sensation inside. Now that I might break up (for my own mental health) with my boyfriend, I have a sucky realization. I have no friends. I have pushed people for years, stablished unhealthy relationships for years. Now everyone is gone, and I cannot retake relationships that I pushed away years ago. I feel lonely. C.B. - Maybe my impulses to criticize others are a way to avoid criticizing myself. I find myself wanting to tell people that no one cares about their stupid lives but now I realize that's just one of the negative things I used to tell myself. I stopped the stream of negative thoughts about myself. But the thoughts are still there, just waiting to be applied to something. I need to channel this inner critic into something more productive. I know it is a facet of who I am, just one that I misuse a lot. It must be able to do some good somewhere. Constructive criticism about myself and my behavior perhaps. I should meditate on this. I'm feeling good but strangely devoid of emotion simultaneously. Like, my outlook on life is a generally optimistic one at the moment even though I'm not specifically happy about anything. I told my friend that I felt like something more was developing in my mind towards her and she wasn't scared off, so maybe that's why I feel optimistic. At the same time, I feel oddly suspicious and paranoid about her as well. Suspicious of her motives in continuing to talk to me after I told her how I felt, and paranoid for her safety at times (she's blind and also the tiniest little bit naïve, in my opinion). Extending my locus of emotional openness doesn't come easily to me. I really bond with other people to the point that I feel a bit like I'm losing myself. I don't like that feeling, but I love bonding with individuals at the same time. I suppose I'm just a bundle of contradictory neurons wrapped in a skull lol A.C. - So I'm sat in my porch locked out bags packed after another of my alcohol induced binge dissapearing acts I know "only Self to blame" I was only out drinking and chatting nothing bad, but I guess I am selfish, selfishly anaware and selfishly inconsiderate with what I don't think through or when I act rash. Slowly I've become more of a loner and made a habit of losing things family, friends umm jobs, it doesn't feel normal or nice that I might just be a procrastinative, selfish/absorbed individual who can't really get any sort of balance in personal life. I care about making amends and living a normal family life it's just... I don't know. Everyone blames me and punishes me, I don't want a scapegoat for my mistakes but it's very confusing I think if I didn't do what I did I'd damage my self by suppressing it all inside would be worse that's not a justification just a thought. Maybe leading a stable life, to work full time, three kids and relationship is too much. S.C - I suffer from depression and anxiety...I feel sometimes that im different of others because i think i have a few particularities(including that i have only two friends).I often try to explain to some that i can catch thoughts & feelings from people that i know...In fact,from complete stangers too ...I just thought if someone here could uderstand me? And I would like to add that is it okay not to fear of losing my few friends?I am 14 and feel like a misfit..I can't recognize what i am and don't remember who i used to be. R.R. - I have a weird feeling that I'm gonna die soon. Lol. Awkward. 2 near death experiences for me and 1 for my mom. Meh. Now I'm walking around every day with intense anxiety, waiting for an accident to happen. 😢 C.S. - I'm not doing well. I'm emotional... I cried for like half an hour today and I usually don't cry. But I've been sick over something I can't talk about. Very paranoid and scared. Such ugly ruminating thoughts. Barely slept last night and I have such a headache but my mind won't shut off. For the first time in years I feel like punching myself in the head. I've been taking my pills regularly. I see the shrink on Thursday. Which means I have to get through two days of work... I've been mildly sick with a cold for the last week. Oh help! I just want to feel better. A.M. - Today I keep seeing characters from TV shows as people in public spaces (anyone else experienced this?) and there was a shadow man in my lounge. It's odd and not making me paranoid which is also odd. Usually when freaky brain shit happens paranoia activates. Side note; Who the hell puts dried apricot in a hot cross bun!? C.B. - Sometimes I have this urge to be rude to people I don't like. Or that I decide are, as narcissistic as this sounds, beneath me morally or intellectually. It makes me very nervous to confront people but sometimes I do it out of impulse. Like I have this parallel line of thinking that just criticizes the hell out of everything I see. I let it build up and then let it out when I reach a certain level of resentment at the world. Afterwords I feel no better. But it's like I have this good side and this bad side to me. The bad side is the worst me I can imagine: lazy, thoughtless, critical, apathetic, and cruel. The good side is the best me I can imagine: empathetic, supportive, passive, thoughtful. I realize that I internalize these values from my primary caregivers growing up, my mother and first stepfather. I can't see the value in my stepfather very well. Jung had this idea of the Anima and the Animus. One male and the other female. I've always identified my values with the feminine due to the fact that the only support I ever got growing up was from women. I never understood men. I never understood women either for that matter. But they were the people I tried to emulate growing up. I couldn't stand the thought of being like my stepfather or boys my age until I became a teenager. Then I copied my stepfather and began to hate a lot. To be cruel a lot. Because that's all I saw in him. These impulses must be that old behavior rearing it's head. I've always wanted to be my own person but I've never quite known how. L. G. - Okay so I am going to lay one of my biggest problems right now and see if you can help me even if it's just a Little bit because I have no clue :( I finished university last year. Everything fine. My father came to my room and asked me, "what do you want to do next year? you have to think it NOW" and clearly wanted me, pushed me to do oposiciones (this is how we call the process of studying to get a job in the public system). I did the course for oposiciones. I HATED IT. God damn how boring, bland, deadly! I cannot even study for it or understand what they do. But my parents are 100% into it and they don't even contemplate me leaving them. I have to act like I study on days like those because they are so into this, specially my father, who sees working in the public system as my only chance in life because I am schizotypal. You can ask me questions, I will answer if it hasn't been understood. Thanks for the help :) L.G. - This is a bit of a hard to ask question but I will ask anyway...do you have problems maintaining your personal care, etc...? Sometimes I do and my family makes shame of me :( although i think really I'm not that much of a disaster. I mean, now I take care of myself, it's not like when I was really bad where I wouldn't take proper care of myself. L. G. - Do you ever feel like you've got too much contained in your chest and feel like telling anyone about it? Like you had an urge to tell what's ailing you? I've got Friends to talk with but I have too much in my chest and everyone looks like a friend to me now... S.S. - Two things I learnt about myself recently 1 - I will never be able to do a 9-5 job. Because I am too impatient and get angry when someone tells me what to do. Also overthink everything and get bored with routine. The only thing I can do is my own boss and work from home alone.I need to be in control. 2 - I can't ever picture myself in a relationship. I recently met a woman a bit older than myself but we share lots of interests and get on well. But I'm beginning to feel smothered and under pressure to behave a certain way. I just want to be a free individual with no responsibilities. I wasn't born to be a pack animal, but to give others as much freedom as possible and for them to not bug me in return. C.B. - Anyone else feel really anxious when they talk to other people about personal issues? It makes therapy very difficult for me. I'm too nervous around my therapist to open up to him, to really talk about the issues I have. I always just spend the time in my "therapy mode" (where I act pleasant and nice and talk about minor issues to avoid the larger ones). I don't feel like anybody can really help me with some things, and that I would just be making whoever I was talking to feel bad. I want to be able to talk about my motivations, my relationships, my feelings but they make me feel pathetic. Sometimes I feel like less than a person, like I'm really just wearing a mask when I behave as a normal human does. Trouble is I don't know for sure who or what is under that mask. D.S. - Had an irrational mental breakdown in public again one of those crying and screaming in equal parts of anger, frustration and sadness... why am I so easily overwhelmed sometimes.. plus I look kinda scary afterwards.. the neighbors already peg me for weird as it is... all emotionally shutdown and stuff only secs later.. I dont know its always like that.. overemotional first and a few seconds later back to the void.. im done. Im turning 23 tomorrow and I just wish I could skip to my funeral instead.. yeah.. one of those days.. A.M. - Does anybody else wander through life aimlessly? Never really finishing things they embark on, barely following their interests and feeling as though they're waiting for something to shake enough life into them to align them with the dimension that is reality... Being a drifting alien is really getting to me lately, I didn't realise how meaningless I find everything or how far I have drifted from society. I am not referring to deppression btw. P.A. - There’s something that’s killing me inside and I would really appreciate getting it out in a post. I really hope I don’t sound like a total bitch. It’s to do with abandonment, which I hope some people here will understand. I feel so abandoned by my counsellor. It’s the closest relationship I have. I sent her a text a few weeks ago saying I was sad and I never heard back. It has been my psych ward “anniversary” and I thought she’d message me to ask how I am but no nothing. Now she’s just become a grandmother... I know because I’m friends with her son. They are all super excited and spending lots of time together. He is sending me photos of the new baby but it’s just making me even more upset. Why can’t I just be happy for them? I feel so bad and self-centred for feeling this way. I know this little girl will be spoilt rotten with love and I’m jealous, there’s no other word for it. I suspect this is triggering an ancient wound in me, a hole that I’ve never managed to fill. My friend wants to see me tonight but I’m just too upset to see him and I can’t explain to him why *hides under table* C.B. - Sometimes I feel like I am more comfortable being depressed than I am being happy. Being sad feels, I don't know, solid, constant, whereas happiness is a fleeting and ephemeral feeling. Because of this, I got used to lying to myself to make myself more depressed. Don't know if that makes any sense, but I used to love laying in bed and thinking terrible things about myself until I cried my eyes out. I guess I craved that sense of catharsis. These days, I realize that this isn't a healthy way of coping, but I still crave the cathartic feeling I used to get by working myself into a terrible place. I think maybe I crave intense release of emotion because I have a hard time letting go of emotions in the moment and I kind of bottle them up. I still crave that. It's odd, I suppose I'm working to integrate the disparate parts of my personality into a functioning whole. It's like the emotional part of me exists kind of parallel to the rest, separate but connected in form if not function. A.C. - I guess if you can't do anything consistently but your capable of being extremely creative which many are here. Your purpose in life is to create a masterpiece not stand in line and fit the system. S.S. - Got told I'm too much of a negative person earlier and that I should keep all my thoughts secret. But the truth is I only say about 10% of what's actually on my mind. I'm too truthful about my flaws. The last thing I wanna be is a fake who brags. I can't help who I am.