#anyways i love all women and girls theyre amazing and perfect

[astralmarionette]

THIUGHTS ON THE GUILD GO! I loved them sm they were my fav faction and all the characters make me deeply insane I am WAITING for them to come back they have to asagiri set up too many plot points not to bring them back. Sigh. my favs r lucy n poe n mitchell n hawthorne n steinbeck but I like all of them

Omg omg okay i LOVE thr Guild I spent like 30 minutes last night trying to predict the different Guild members because Autism. (I FUCKING LOOKED UP MARk TWAIN BC I WAS LIKE U CANT HAVE AMRRICAN AUTHORS AN NOT HAVE MARKY YKW??? LIKE HES LItERALLY BROUGHT UP IN EVERY SINGLE LIT CLASS IN AMERICA BRO and nothing came up OU IM SO MAD)

BTW, I tend to use a first name basis with authors btw theyre actually all my best friends i know them on a deeper level (my mom said that i need to seek help today, this is what happens when all yr friendships are superficial as a kid methinks)

anyways. here are my thoughts:

Mr Francy Pants (Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald): i wasn't too opinionated on him til I learned his ability (like i said we need to stop letting white ppl get rich bro...) and then i was like i need this guy dead and then i learned his motive and i was like oh my god hes literally just a guy he wants nothing but to mAKE HIS WIFE HAPPY OUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH so he slays actaully i hope hes alive :((

Louisa May Alcott: LOMLLLLLLLL i love little women so im extremely bias towards her but wtv when Francis was going on his lil rant abt owning her and everything i was like woah now careful abt how you speak to my girl

Nathaniel: Lord....forgive me...... HES SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FINE OH my GODDDD Nathaniel was made for the girlies with complicated relationships with religion i fear (ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME )

Margaret: love me a woman who dresses like that okay but im fairly certain the actual woman was racist soooo kinda mixed feelings?? but the character is amazing and perfect (ignoring the restoring her family's honor.........) and i actually loved her accent lol it was southern enough to be southern but not too southern to be fake lol southern accents actaully arent always there for my area lol they come and go and are stronger when angry/ come out stronger on certain words or phrases loll

Lucy: OUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH seeing that she got caught PAINED ME LIKE NOOOO ATSU WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO GO AND SAVE HER BUT NOW I FEAR HES FORGOTTEN IN ALL THE EVERYTHING GOIONG ON OUGHHHHHHHHHH

Anne is SOOO Cutie Pie too btw and I love that one she looks like Anne of Green Gables (obvi) BUT ALSO Raggedy Anns!!!!!

Marky Mark: HES SO CUTE ACTUALLY ???? I love his "im just here for the fun of it" attitude that was rlly nice AND HUCK AND TOM ARE SOOOO CUTE and i love the fact that hes a gunsmith despite im pretty sure the book characters he brought to life and real life author being like these scrappy lil southern boys lolll i like that they didnt go the kenji route with him and have him be like a (read this in a southern accent btw) lil farmer boy with good intentions for everyone :D type character !!!!!! love him 10/10 scrunkly

John Steinbeck: his grape thing freaked me the fuck out the first time he did it i was so thoroughly gagged like...... hes cute but in term of design he and Francy look soo similar I got tired of these basic ass white men sorry TvT (looking at them made me feel like i was watching hetalia again LMAOOO) hes scrunkly poo too tho and i love his quirk (mha gagged with quirk im sooo sorry)

Lovecraft: He rlly puts the love in Lovecr....Im gonna stop there sorry :( that sounded jsut as bad in my head LMAO I LVOE HIM i love the fact that him turning into Kraken is just. smth he can do. not his quirk hes jsut like that. (okay actually he didnt write Kraken so idk what the fuck he turns into but he just like me fr) i love his absolute apathy to everything he rlly is sucha girl like he just wants to sleep fr !!!! he had empty eyes and long lucious hair and thats enough to make me love you so i literally DONT CARE bout NOTHIGN ELSE !!!! 10000/10 hes so fine omg....

Melville: hes actually so chill. i like him! he had honor and standards that he upheld himself and i heavy respect that! going down w yr ship is like the easiest way to gain my respect cuz that troupe >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

AND LAST BUT ABSOLUTELY DEFINETELY NOT LEAST:

Edgar Allan Poe:

do I, Dorian Nico di Marionette (my legal Tumblr name), even need to say anything about how much I love this man. I'm not even just talking about the bsd character. I'm talking about the actual author too. He's literally so cool. Like so cool. He came, he lived, he fucked around and found out, and he died!!! He is literally everything I wish to be. Cool, Autistic, Mysterious, Silly. And now specifically the character: I love his need for praise bc ME tOO. I love that he had given himself ONE PURPOSE and that purpose was to beat Ranpo and give him the mystery of his life like yes girl devote your entire being and existence to that ONE (1) man !!!!!! (me) (we need help)

i love that he has a pet Raccoon esp since the general agreement is that he died of rabies like...... ( i personally think he was murdered but idk... ijust feel like someone didnt like him bc he accomplished alot and they probably couldn)

he and ranpos lil friendhsip warms my lil heart to like................... like i said in my tags they remind me of Hikaru and Kaoru in a way where their world was "us" and "not us" and like they are the only ones who can keep each other on each others toes and constantly getting better and giving the ultimate form of praise (theres nothing like getting praise from someone in your field of work, esp someone that you regard as "better than you") and thats so.......... (and if i say codependcy (I WILL PUSH CODEPENDCY ON EVERYTHING BRO I NEED TO SEEK HELP))

anyways these are my excessive thoughts i need help lol

[caandlelit]

fellas i'm feeling the incredibly specific emotion that is gay and yearning right now

[celebritytgcaptions]

Requests (5/23/2021)

Hi lovelies! I’ve been getting so many requests & I’m working hard to get all of them in the queue. Thanks for sending them my way! I’m writing to let you know that the queue is now full until the end of June. I was able to get every requests from my May 8th post in there except for a few. Requests from May 8th for captions featuring Katy Perry, Jenna Fischer, Marisol Nichols, Addison Rae, Ariana Grande, Erin Kellyman, Taylor Swift, Billie Eilish, Jhene Aiko, & Kirstin Maldonado will be posted in early July.

But there have been an absolute ton of requests since then too, yay! So I’m listing all the requests that I haven’t gotten to below. If you made a request but don’t see it below that might be for a few reasons. 1) I’ve written it already and it will be posted in June. 2) It’s one of the requests I posted on May 8th so I won’t talk about it here. 3) I considered it a demand not a request (for example, I received two that said “Anything with,” that wasn’t really a request just telling me to do it. Sorry if this bothers some of you but it is an issue with me so make sure you word your requests AS requests). Either way, thanks for the love, lovelies! :D

Anonymous said:

Could you do one with either Kelley O’hara or Alex Morgan from the USWNT about a guy soccer player watching the US win the world cup and then want to be them or something like that?

I actually know who both those are (shockingly enough, I don’t really follow sports) so sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Could you do lorengrey captions? She’s so hot

Sorry sweetie, don’t know who that is. :(

Anonymous said:

Hi I just had an idea for a game you could do. It could be where someone has to say as a boy what they’re like physically in stages. So first stage is hair color for example, second stage could be height, third stage could be body type, etc. An example would be if I was a black hair, short height, thick body type, I would match up with someone like Nicki Minaj. Just an idea which you could extend on. Hopefully it makes sense. I appreciate you!

I actually have a game like this mapped out called “Build a Sissy” where you choose age, hair color, and bra size, but it would take a LOT of work to make so I haven’t written it yet. Maybe some day though. :)

Anonymous said:

I would love to see a Tori Kelly caption. Her hair and body are not typical but beautiful for a white girl. I say that last sentence respectfully. I think having a caption with her would be great

Sure thing! Tori Kelly is a cutie. :)

Anonymous said:

Ok I'm not sure if u'll know these 2 cuz even I had to look them up for the names but anne dudek and maitland ward theyre the 2 blonde sisters from white chicks not sure if uve seen it but if u can could u make a caption for them please?

I DO know who they are! I’ve been thinking about doing a White Chicks caps because there’s a lot of cute looks in that movie (especially for Busy Phillips who I just love) so sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Could u do Yvette nicole brown from community? Id like to see some big girl love

Sure thing!

Anonymous said:

I already know that this request is probably gonna be a No but I still have to ask whats the ruling on GCI enhanced celebrities like Taylor swift from Cats?  Or is that too much like "Furry" stuff. Now I'm Feeling this will be a No for multiple reasons

So it is not an issue with CGI “enhanced” celebrities but for Cats it is because I do not have a Furry fetish and I get uncomfortable thinking about writing caps for it. But I write caps with “manips” all the time (photoshopped images of celebs) so I’m not ruling out CGI enhanced celebs all together.

Anonymous said:

Can you do one of Lindsey stirling? And for the story can it be a guy trying to learn Violin but he cant seem to focus he even tried hot female teachers but it didnt work then he gets a male teacher than he starts focusing and wanting to please the teacher he becomes a sissy sorry its a long request

Sounds fun, sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Hi big fan and I think you’ve been doing amazing work. Is there anyway you could do a story about a guy who loses a bet to sorority girl and is forced to get his nails painted and turned into a girl? I love the idea of having a boys nails painted against his will. I’d love one with Selena Gomez but if you think another celeb would be better I leave that cumpletely to you.

Totally! This sounds fun. :D

Anonymous said:

Can you do thelma and Louise?

I’m assuming you mean Geena Davis & Susan Sarandon from Thelma & Louise so yes. Yes I can. :)

Anonymous said:

Can you do a caption from the movie bridesmaids? Like when theyre all trying on dressess or something?

I haven’t seen Bridesmaids (I know I know) but I can try something. :)

Anonymous said:

it would be super cool if you could do some more games! They’re my fav

Glad you like them! As long as I’m not on hiatus, games will be posted every second Saturday. I’ve already got two set for June. :)

Anonymous said:

Hey huge fan of your recent work and super excited about new caps!! Do you think you could do one about a college guy who drops out in pursuit of being a stand up comedian, but the comedy club needs a female comic so they turn him into a girl? I was thinking maybe Nikki Glaser, she so funny and sexy. Thanks can’t wait to see all your new stuff!!

Oooo, Nikki Glaser is great. Sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Can you make a caption about a guy who makes fun of curvy and thicc women, where the women get their revenge and turn the guy into Nia Jax?

You got it!

Anonymous said:

Hi Me again on the topic of the assembly line worker caption sequel if you do it i just an idea for the story like before depicting the sissies "first time"  but you can have it be that the coworker doesnt know and is telling everyone about the chick he slept with last night and the sissy is just thinking "if only they knew"idk i thought it was good anyways thank u again

So this message is in reference to a sequel caption that was requested & that I did write and will be posted in June. I’m sharing it here to let the anon know that I wrote the cap BEFORE I got this second request so there will be a followup but the story will be different. I hope that’s ok.

Anonymous said:

Hi idk if u watch wrestling or not I see u have some captions of wwe womens wrestlers but im not sure have far ur knowledge of it is? Could u do a caption of Rhea Ripley if u know her?

I have never seen a single episode of WWE, I do not watch wrestling, and yet somehow every time someone requests a wrestler I know who she is. Don’t ask me how because I do not know. Anyways, yeah I can do a Rhea Ripley one. :)

Anonymous said:

Could you do a caption about a janitor for sissy co. That finds out the strange goings on at work and tries to blow the whistle on the whole operation but is caught and turned into a sissy maid for the sissy co. Corporate office abit specific I know but ive been thinking on that awhile however u do it will be perfect thanks

You got it!

Anonymous said:

Could you do katheryn Hahn from wandavision specifically the 80s look with the Big hair and aerobics outfit

Oooo, sounds nice. I’ll type that up for sure. :)

Anonymous said:

Hi big fan of your caps!! Do you think you could do a cap where a football player wants to go to the NFL but gets hurt, so they turn him into a female commentator, maybe Lauren Rutledge? If you don’t know her, she’s been a college football reporter for awhile and was also a former Miss Florida. Anyways I just think any guy would be lucky to be turned into her and I love your caps keep up the great work!!

Me: *googles Lauren Rutledge to see if it’s who I’m thinking of* How do I know who this is? Anyways, yes I can write this. :)

...for some reason there are no GIFs of her though so I’m just gonna move on.

Anonymous said:

Hi I'm the one that requested the LONG list of celebs I'm still really sorry about that I didnt realize how many it actually was till I looked back so I wanna retract some for your sake tell ya what if you havent done any already just do the ones that are specifically marked (as in the ones detailed by movie or show theyre in) the ones that are just names you can leave out i knoe its still alot but hopefully that takes some weight off of ya sorry again

You don’t have to be sorry! Like I said, in the future I’d ask that folks limit requests to no more than 3 celebs at a time but you didn’t know that. I’d never said that before. I typed up every celebrity and they’re going to be sprinkled in during June. Hope you like them! :)

Anonymous said:

Hello ^^ I love your work. Can u make a caption with the name "jules" and Ariana Grande please? Thank you

Sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Hey, not really an ask, but something I needed to share

I'm the one that asked for the Stephanie Beatriz caption from a whole back, and I absolutely loved how it turned out. Each time you roll out a new caption is like a small thrill to me and I read them right as they're released.

Now this wouldn't be an ask if I wasn't asking something, right? Well, next month sees the release of the "In the Heights" movie, and there's an opportunity there to do a series of captions using stephanie Beatriz from that same movie.

In conclusion, I love your captions so much, you're amazing!

Awww, this is such a sweet message. Thank you! And YAAASSSSS! Ever since the first trailer for In the Heights dropped I was like, “I must write a caption with her in this!” So you can imagine how fun it’s been waiting this entire time. *eye twitches*. We’ll have to wait until the movie comes out for me to be sure I can find a good image but this IS a caption I want to write. :)

Anonymous said:

Hi I just recently came across your blog and fell in love with it!! The caption with the football player being turned into Bella Thorne is one of my favorites!! I’d love so much if you could do a sequel or something to that cap it was so amazing and I need to know what else happens to “her”. I’m not sure if this is possible or if you even do sequels but this cap was great and I look forward to all the others!!!

Glad you like it! I’m always looking for sequel captions to write on Throwback Thursday so you’ll get this for sure. :)

Anonymous said:

Hey big fan! Do you think you could do a caption where a short guy gets made fun of by all his girl friends for how short he is? Ariana Grande is fairly short and I think a caption of her (of age of course) would be awesome

You got it!

Anonymous said:

Can you do one with the bella twins as two guys who fought over the same girl then the girl turns them both into look alikes of her but then they start fighting over the same guy

Yep!

Anonymous said:

Do you know suzy berhow? Or angie Griffin? If so would love a caption of either of them please

Sorry sweetie, I don’t know who those are. :(

Anonymous said:

Would appreciate more Sia captions please when u get the chance

I will remember that. :)

Anonymous said:

Can make some Winnie Harlow caption please? I adore her style

Sorry lovely, I don’t know who that is. :(

Anonymous said:

How about instead of removing the captions with Demi in them ,the images of Demi were just replaced with another celeb and if Demi is mentioned by name in the caption then that could be edited  to mention a different celeb. I respect Demi's decision I do but lets not lose some well made captions. Also if you could please make a caption where Amy Adams feminises a fan and raises them as her daughter and Kristen Stewart makes you her submissive wife that would be appreciated. I'm a fan of them.

So about the Demi Lovato captions: I understand your feelings but I’m still going to delete the original captions. Because of how my captions are made I can’t just go back in & swap out an image or edit the text, I have to remake it from the ground up. I am hoping to do that with some (maybe all) of the Demi Lovato captions & re-publish them, but I’m still going to delete the originals.

I can do the Kristen Stewart one for sure and I’ll TRY to do the Amy Adams one I just am not 100% sure I can find a pic for that but we’ll see. :)

Anonymous said:

If it’s possible before your summer hiatus could you do a caption with Amanda Crew (silicon valley, sex drive)?

I will do one with Amanda Crew but I can’t commit to doing it before the hiatus.

About the hiatus: I don’t know when it’s going to be. I want to TRY to make it to at least July 18th because I have a specific game in mind I want to post for 5 years of Celebrity TG Captions games, but after that I have no idea. I’ve been writing caps for a longer stretch of time since normal since I’ve switched to a part-time blog so I might burn out at any second but for right now I’ve still got some juice.

[gaylonelydyke]

if it’s not too late, 12 for episodes and ships, and 17!

its never too late! thankyou for the ask 🥰 oo damn this is gonna be a hefty one, just to prepare you this is gonna be long 😅😅😅

spoiler alert for my friends who are finishing up season 2 rn, be careful if you look at my top five episodes, pay attention the the episode numbers, i will put [ ] in bold at the beginning and end of spoilers!

12. Top 5 ships

5. faith x myself because have you seen faith? shes such a babe! spare consensual kiss maam?

4. willow x oz, i dont know if this is an unpopular or not but i feel like if the 90s had been more accepting of term then willow wouldve been bisexual, but like even now tv shows will rarely let characters say that word :( but anyway i love them! theyre both quirky and kinda awkward but its such a sweet relationship and you really see how they go from awkward crushes to an actual deep relationship, oz is one of my favourite characters too what a dude!

3. giles x jenny, mlmxwlw solidarity in this bisexual couple! there is no an ounce of straight between them and i love it, i love their dynamic, i love that giles *respects women* (im staring daggers at xander rn), also the original girlboss x malewife couple askdjaksjhd

2. drusilla x spike, these two!!!!!! once again a bisexual couple with zero straight between them, the vibes are off the charts. sexy vampires, goth x punk love, i just love them man, and their relationship is so interesting to delve into. like theyre vampires, theyre soulless and yet they have a capacity for love, they care deeply for eachother, theyre so tender towards eachother in season 2 in the way they take turns to care for one another, also drusilla picking spike up with one hand made me gay and thats on that

1. willow x tara!!!!! lesbians man lesbians! they have a beautiful relationship, until a certain point wink wink, they feel like a perfect match, willows become more outgoing due to buffy and xander snd having a proper group of friends, so its cool to see her as the more outgoing independant one in the relationship, and tara is such a honey 🥺 the biggest sweetheart in the world what a babe!!!! also like how groundbreaking was their relationship? as a queer couple, they had p much the dame amount of screentime as a aueer relationship today! and willow says the word lesbian so many times and is always making gay jokes which is something shows today are too scared to do, its honestly refreshing which is weird for a show in the 90/00s

12. Top 5 episodes

this is so hard because its such a damn good show so i had to rlly be picky about this but here we go

5. 6x22 ‘grave’- i watched buffy for the first time last year at work coz i worked with one other person just packing shit, and THIS was the episode that made us cry infront of eachother. the scene with willow and xander at the end is one of my all time favourite scenes and like legit we were watching and we starting going like ha.. this is so sad Q_Q and we looked at eachother and we were both crying akdjdjsjdhs its SO GOOD, like this is a friendship ive been so invested in and [seeing xander be able to pull her back from that dark place was so heart wrenching and amazing god its so good]

4. 3x12 ‘helpless’ - im finishing up s2 in my rewatch rn so i havent rewatched this one to double check but i remember loving it man. buffys father daughter relationship with giles is my favourite of the whole show they make my heart ache, so i love that this is an episode that really shows you how dedicated giles is to her, [its the breaking point where he finally disregards the fact that hes a watcher and acts as her father once and for all, its a turning point for their relationship where he is finally embracing the fact that shes like a daughter to him and i just love to see it Q_Q get you a dad who will leave his lifes calling for you]

3. 4x22 ‘restless’ - season 4 is interesting coz it has really good episodes and them some gd awful ones 😂😂 but this one just blew me away, i love a good character study episode and this is THE SHIT! its so weird and creepy but in the most perfect way, its not on the nose its so subtle, it feels like an uncanny valley version of buffy almost, i like that they finished the season first and then took this episode to do something out of the box and different i feel like it lets them fully explore this idea without the pressure of needing plot included. [also the cheese man is iconic. dont however like xander being all nasty with willow and tara but whats new there man]

2. 1x12 ‘The Prophecy Girl’ - for my first watch of buffy i wasnt that into the first season, like i enjoyed it but i didnt think it was anything super special? but this episode changed EVERYTHING for me. up until now buffy had been fun, witty, charming, but not anything new atleast for me, maybe in the 90s it was but right now its your average teen supernatural show. but this episode!!!! the emotion! buffy facing her death, her speech about how shes just 16 and shes scared and she doesnt want to die, that is what i wanna see!! its heartbreaking and it made me cry, and then it gives us the wonderful moment of giles trying to take her place and buffy realising that she has to be the one to do it, man its so good! basically anything with buffy and giles being a duo is gonna make it an automatic yes from me and this is indeed the case for this episode, i just love that the show remembers that shes a child! shes not brave all the time, shes not strong all the time, shes just doing her best and sometimes its overwhelming, 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 i bow to this episode

1. 2x17 ‘passion’ - i know i just sang praises about prophecy girl but THIS EPISODE IS THE SHIT, the best episode full stop. i wont accept any argument. angel is probably my favourite big bad, its so funny to see plain bread, mopey brooding angel become this charismatic, funny, poetic, blood thirsty angelus, hes everything i want in a villain and in this episode he delivers! rip jenny tho love her. i think the tension built around angel is so good, because of his drawings and notes left around, every scene youre worrying like is he here now? are they safe or what? its so tense! and also it is me and im a slag for buffy x giles father daughter moments and this episode fucking delivers! giles discovering jennys dead body is probably one of the best scenes on the show, the dramatic irony is heAVY, we know jenny is dead, we know that these flowers arent from her, but giles is so so happy, and i want to see him happy but you just know somehing horrific is about to happen and damn does it. its a masterpiece! i love jenny and giles so much it is so sad, but also the fact that it gave us that scene makes me almmmoost ok with it? i also love the moment where giles breaks down in buffys arms, hes been there for her and now shes returning the favour and hes accepting it i just 😭😭😭 also on a different note, angels narration of this episode is amazing! it gives us great insight to who he is as “evil angel” and like even though hes awful i was also kind of rooting for him coz hes just such a great villain

sorry this is so long lmao, last question!

17. Which characer do you wish had less of a focus on them in the show?

i dont wanna get yelled at butttttt i dont like the amount of focus on dawn. i think it makes sense for the her first season considering the story arc but that season really does double down its focus onto dawn and buffy and it barely leaves room for anyone else to have a storyline, it keeps the episodes super depressing too its like a constant level of just sadness the whole time because we’re so stuck in THEIR arc, theres no room to balance it out and have a breather, some people might like that its more serious but i really really didnt like, i love episodes like prophecy girl where it is campy and brings the more emotional notes in when the time comes, but dawns whole arc is just constantly depressing the whole time i just hate it, and also just shes not a character i felt i could connect to because of how suddenly shes introduced, so its weird to have her SO focused on in the first half of that season coz we dont know her yet so i feel like the emotional moments dont land the way that they should? basically they shouldve eased us into dawn or introduced her differently and maybe i would like her enough to want the focus on her but i really just dont

adksjakjshd apologies for the essay this is, thanks for the ask!

[dramaticnerdwithanxiety11]

, LITERALLY WHO LOOKS AT NICK FUCKING RUSSEL AND GOES “mm yes, take my autism”

THIS IS AN ISSUE

WHY AM I LIKE THIS

whatever its too late now! you get to hear me talk about it to avoid writing it!!

So, i’ll be explaining the show for you newbs who dont watch power rangers like a smart person (as in the not watching it is smart). 

Power Rangers Mystic Force is, obviously, power rangers. It’s got the standard team of five with superpowers and weird biker-looking uniforms. 

If im honest, PRMF is literally just power rangers but with like fantasy magic.

It follows Nick Russell, the new guy in town. He’s a biker and he’s got this tragic bs backstory about how his parents abandoned him (update: they work overseas, they adopted him and like do not vibe with him)  and he travels, living with  family members and how he never sticks around long enough to make friends. We know he’s staying with his sister, and about nothing else. ~ Nick Russell is actually really important, of course, he is the Red Ranger and if we didn’t have the leader be angsty what kind of Power Rangers would we be, am I right? (i dunno i havent watched other power rangers in like ten years) ~

But we’ll come back to that. ~

There’s also Charlie “Chip” Thorn, a hyperactive hyperimaginative redhead with a love for fantasy and superheroes. He’s eager to join the team and loves the idea of quests and fighting villains and shit. He’s the Yellow Ranger, with Lightning Powers. ~

Vida Rocca, the ‘bad girl’. She has this one strip of her short hair that she dyes and may I just say when I finished the show a third time I couldnt not think ‘yO HER HAIR CHANGES TO SHOW HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT THE RANGERS’ but lets be honest thats probably bs lol. Anyways, she’s a DJ and she loves music, she’s the Pink Ranger (who hates pink for most of the show) with Wind Powers. ~

Madison Rocca, the ‘good girl’. She’s Vida’s sister, and she like following the rules and she enjoys recording her friends to make little videos for them to look back on when theyre older. She’s hesitant and cautious, but will do a lot to make sure her sister is safe. She’s the Blue Ranger, with the power of Water. ~

Xander Bly, he’s cocky and thinks hes all that, and flirts with women like every chance he gets. He thinks he’s super handsome and amazing and probably has a superiority complex for one reason or another. He’s the green ranger, with Nature Powers. ~

Not rangers include: ~

Koragg, one of the big bads who (SPOILERS) later turns out to be Nick’s father and Udonna’s long lost husband. Early on in the show he can telepathically communicate with Nick, which gives Nick these really really bad headaches, great for angst, it’s used as a bit of a plot device through a lot of the show and ngl I love it cause angst. ~

Uhh forgot her name but there’s the Vampire Queen who has bat wings on her hips and is in a full leather body suit. She’s kinda boring. ~

I forgot her name as well but the Vampire Queens daughter, who later goes on to save her mother because she realizes that the Rangers are the good guys and she’s on the wrong team.  ~

Udonna, the kinda ex White Ranger and a very powerful sorceress, as well as the Ranger’s trainer and Claire’s aunt. ~

Claire, (SPOILERS) who turns out to be the Daughter of Udonna’s sister, who was more powerful than her and sacrificed her life to seal the gate to what is essentially hell. She’s comedically bad at magic early in the show, and acts a lot like a comedic relief. ~

The Master, aka The Big Bad that the evil guys are trying to let free. Koragg before he became Koragg was trying to kill him and succeeded in trapping him further than all the others. He’s some weird tentical creepy muscles-showing no skinned weird i dunno i think i repressed this cause i forgot what he looks like lol.

Alright, so those are the characters. Now let me explain the plot.

Nick rides into town on his bike and is usually found set up outside the record shop that the rest of the Rangers (yet to be) work at. Btw, theyre all teenagers, but I think this takes place in summer cause we never see them go to school. 

Anyways, this old man calls for somebody to help him, and says that his brother and him were walking through the woods and somebody grabbed him, and he needed somebody to go looking for his brother. Nick, not being apart of the town to know they have rumours about dying in the forest, offers to help.

Xander tells him the woods are haunted, he ignores the man saying the man needs help so who gives a shit about some rumours, and then Vida is like “i’ll help too,” and Chip joins in cause he thinks its gonna be some awesome quest. They make it out to the forest, and Maddie and Xander join them, (”Xander I told you if you ever took my car I’d rearrange your limbs!” -Vida, episode one).

The man is like super ominous and her vanishes once they get into the forest, this creepy witch lady saves them from some bad guys attempting to attack them, and then throws brooms at them that they fly off on. 

Time skip not actually in the show but im losing steam so we’re moving on. Eventually, they make it to RootCore, aka the base of operations, and meet Udonna and Claire. Udonna is this super powerful sorceress and the White Ranger, and she trains them. Claire is her apprentice who is comedically bad at magic.

She hands out wands to them, they go to leave, get into a fight, all of them but Nick believe in and use magic, Nick leaves the forest, Udonna fights Koragg and loses her staff aka her White Ranger magic, and the Rangers are left in charge of saving everybody. In the end, Nick goes to leave and ends up showing up anyways to save the rangers from Koragg and embraces the magic, becoming the Red Ranger.

That’s the gist of the first episode, and the rest is kinda just “fight the bad guys, discover random secrets that make a surprising amount of sense for a show like this, fail a couple times, do some weird shit then end on a happy note”

WHICH BTW THE ENDING? FUCKIN WEIRD

The fantasy creatures integrate with Humans, Vida dyes all her hair bright pink, Nick fucking leaves town and this is the weird part. Because for one, Nick wanted to stay with his friends it was obvious, but for two; the way he left was w e i r d . He, Udonna and not-evil-Koragg who I forgot the name of, leave together.

The end scene is Nick riding up to the edge of the rode on his Motorcycle, then it slowly pans out to show Udonna and Nek (im just calling him Nek as in not evil koragg now) on bikes as well?? one of them asks if hes ready to go and they ~ride off into the sunset~

For one: THESE ARE AGE OLD SORCERERS WHO HAVE VERY LITTLE IDEA ABOUT HUMAN TECH?? HOW DO THEY KNOW HOW TO RIDE??

For two: dID THEY JUST HAVE THESE BIKES RIDING AROUND?? AND THE HELMETS?? DID THEY SHELL OUT A BUNCH OF MONEY FOR THIS?? LITERALLY WHAT???

anyways, great show! youve gotta watch it on some.. less than legal sites but shh its okay shhhh. It used to be on Netflix but like yaknow, its gone now. Either way, it’s a great show in my opinion! Like I mean it’s bad cause Power Rangers, so to most who are looking to critique there’s probably shit acting, and there’s a lot of not needed grunting in battle, the effects are shitty and the costumes are kinda depressing, but it’s still enjoyable! 

Random Facts-- ~

Vida hates Pink, despite being the pink ranger. ~

Chip, Vida, and Maddie have been friends since either kindergarten or elementary school, i dunno about Xander. ~

They all work at a Record Shop/Music Shop together, and their boss is an idiot but kinda entertaining. ~

Vida turns into a vampire for about two episodes, and Chip is the one to figure it out. ~

Maddie gets turned to stone because Nick essentially calls her useless and shy, and so she went out to prove otherwise, and got caught up in an attack. ~

Chip opens a weird black bottle he found after a battle and some weird thing comes out and attacks him, he spends the B Plot of that episode quite literally dying with his soul being eaten and climbing a mountain to get the cure. ~

Koragg has a really dumb moral code about how he only fights with Honor and refuses to kill the rangers most of the time because its “not honorable” for some reason or another. ~

There’s an episode where Xander gets this really really ugly and big zit right on the tip of his nose, and he uses this perfection potion Claire made for plants. He proceeds to turn into a literal tree and be depressed. ~

There’s a Troblin, the child of a Troll and a Goblin, named Phineas who’s very entertaining and I like this. By the end of the show, he ends up dating the daughter of the Vampire Queen which when you think too hard about makes no sense. ~

Nick turns into Koragg at one point late in the series. I completely fucking forgot how, but he does lol.

[luckycheesefoodie321]

LONG. ASS. AWAE 3X10. POST. SPOILERS.

What... what else can I say? AWAE 3x10 was *chefs kiss* perfection!

I don’t... there’s no better way to convey how I felt about the ep than my full live commentary as I

LOST MY GODDAMN FUCKING MIND THE ENTIRE EPISODE LONG

Y’all ready? SPOILERS

OK BUT FIRST OF ALL THAT GODDAMN SHOT BEFORE YOU EVEN PLAY THE DAMN EPISODE TELL ME ITS REALLLLL

That was a gnarly opener hooo Boi But excellent. Gilbert finally cut it off with Winnie. I appreciate her. She had every right to be angry. Gilbert explained it well. She walked off quite dignified even if she was heartbroken. If she’d been developed more as a character I feel like this scene would’ve been more of a kick in the guts bc Winnie had so much potential to be a great character... I wonder if she’ll pop up again...

---

Oh my god he broke up with Winnie and he’s still convinced Anne doesn’t love him BUT HES THERE IN MISS STACY’S HOUSE AND ANNE IS RIGHT THERE TOO OH MY GOD HES JUST STARING AT HER HOLY SHIT “Does anyone have the paper bag?” Oh Moody my child Holy shit this mutual pining gazes is so gooddddddd

---

They TIED OF COURSE THEY DID AND THEYRE SO HAPPY FOR EACH OTHER Oh my god “is there anything else you’d like to say” Anne stop my heart can’t take this BITCH GILBERT PLEASE JUST TALK TO HER YALL DONT KNOW HOW TO HAVE A PROPER CONVERSATION ISTG

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Ok Diana have you talked to Jerry?? Are you gonna resolve that situation or no bc my boi needs closure!

---

Well fuck me goddamn what the actual hell. I can never properly like the Barry’s theyre just sooo goddamn ughhhhhhh let Diana be what she wants to beeeee OBLIGED DECEITFUL WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD I HAVE NEVER DISLIKED A CHARACTER SO MUCH THESE TWO FACED MOTHERFUCKERS AT LEAST BILLY IS HONEST ABOUT HOW TERRIBLE HE IS

---

Jerry my boy my darling my love how are you? Bahahhahahaha hahahahaha talking corsets and our two men just get heckin awkward Aww Matthew you’re really doing that to Anne huh? But also yes let Jerry stay over he’s wonderful and partially your son anyway Oh honey no Matthew is definitely not saying that he just wants you to spread your wings

---

Mmmm look at this Bash and Hazel finally connecting??

---

WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT THE CUTHBERT HOUSE GILBERT OH MY GOD THE PEN IS THIS HOW THE PEN IS GONNA BE DUDE WTF NO WAIT WHAT IS HE GONNA WRITE A NOTE INSTEAD WAIT WAIT THEY BOTH WROTE EACH OTHER A LETTER AGAIN OH MY GOD OH MYU GOSNSHGZBSHS THAT LETTER WAS SO BEAUTIFUL MY ANNEWITH AN E HOLY CRAP OH MY GOD IT BETTER GET READ PS HERES YOUR GODDAMN PEN I can’t this letter scene is too much

---

THEY NAMED THE COWS PRIDE AND PREJUDICE What you doing Matthew my love?? Aww man she’s angry and now she can’t read Gilbert’s letter OH SHE IS GONNA READ IT NO GODDAMN IT ANNE WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS Oh you stupid you and your damn temper goddamn go put the pieces together dummy

---

What if she just finds “thanks for the pen good luck at Queens” oh man imma riot YES FIND THE OTHER PIECES NOT JUST THOSE HE WROTE A BEAUTIFUL LETTER AND YOU GONNA MISUNDERSTAND Noooo she went to Diana’s goddamn girlll nooooooo that’s not the whole letter these two literal idiots he went to such lengths to ensure you’d get it and you won’t even find the whole thing and it was so beautiful

Oh my heart hurts Diana darling noooo

---

Oh I love me some Marilla time ooh Anne this is so nice

---

Oh shoot how did he see Elijah from there?!?? I was wondering when he’d come back

---

Oooh yes Marilla talk some sense into Eliza

---

I am HERE for this sisterhood between Anne and Miss Stacy

---

Oh Matthew sweetheart nooooo

---

Hmmm some redemption for Elijah?

---

Anne with her hair up saying goodbye to her childhood????? YES LOOK AT THESE WOMEN

“I can see that serious students such as yourself would never dream of disappointing or breaking the rules” *rolls over cackling*

Also yeah some deaf/mute rep

---

Ok so Elijah is getting another chance

---

COLE WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN MY LOVE OH MY GOD ANNE IN THE BLUE DRESS Cole continuing to be the ultimate friend Anne baby it’s okay

---

OH MY GOD THEYRE GONNA MEET I love that Winnie always knew it was AnnE But damn was she pissed

---

WAIT SO NOW ANNE KNOWS DIANA WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING MR BARRY WTF GO GET HIM GIRL OOH DIANA TELL GILBERT WHATS UP

---

OH MY GOD DIANA PREACH THE TRUTH HOLY FUCK THIS IS HAPPENING

---

It happened. I threw pillows. I hit my elbow against the table. I just about died.

IT MOTHERFUCKING HAPPENED WE GOT CANON SHIRBERT YALL WE ARE EVERYTHING THAT KISS THOSE KISSES THERE WERE MULTIPLE PEN PALS YALL I’M THRIVING IT WAS AMAZING AND HE WENT BACK FOR MORE BC HE HAD TO RUN OFF

---

Diana is going to Queens thank god the Barry’s came around... And that ending was pure af I’m so glad Anne got her wish come true

-------

what...what do I say about this episode??? I have no goddamn clue but one thing we can all agree on:

SHIRBERT IS SAILING!!! WE GOT THE KISS YALL!!! THE WHOLE GIRL GANG IS GOING TO QUEENS!!! I’M SO PROUD!!! MOIRA THANK YOU FOR THIS BLESSING ON OUR LIVES

[survivorbehemoth]

Episode 15: "congrats daisy for winning season 7 of celestial: behemoth!” - Jules

congrats daisy for winning season 7 of celestial: behemoth!

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JIOFEOJIFEWOJIWOJI THAT SOUNDS SO BITTER BUT DYLAN SIR U HANDED HER THE GAME! HANDED IT TO HER! GOD! and its what she deserves!

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anyways. let it be known this was NOT MY FAULT.

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let the record show, before last night's tribal, I SAID SOMETHING WAS NOT SITTING RIGHT WITH MY SPIRIT!!!!!!!!!! AND???? what happened. look what happened.

Vocaroo

Vocaroo 2

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Vocaroo

Vocaroo 2

Vocaroo 3

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still practicing my slide puzzles WJIJIEFIJWJIFIFWJEJWIEEJWIF

OH MY GOD I HATE THIS GAME I HATE THIS GAME I HATE THIS GAME!!!

this final 4 is absolutely amazing and i literally love all of them so much, but that just makes things 10x worse. i think that playing my idol on daisy was a huge risk and the fact that it is now a final 2 makes things a bit more interesting. my ideal plan was to have daisy in the final 4 with me so that i wouldnt be the next target, but now that she won immunity it just didnt work out how i intended at all!!

voting out jules and szymon is purely going to come down to which one of them will sway my way and it's going to hurt to send one of them to jury no matter what, but i just feel like i came all this way and not making top 3 would just suck so badly. so yeah, this sucks. i hate that no matter what i do im going to be upsetting people and hurting feelings but... i guess that's just the game! at this point im not even sure if i can win against daisy but it seems like she will take me, it just depends on whether or not i stay loyal to her if i win FIC or if i take whoever is with me in final 3.

much to think about, BUT I JUST CANT BELIEVE I MADE IT THIS FAR !!!!

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Jules is voted out 3-1. She becomes the 8th member of our jury.

Watch the Cast Assessment take place below:

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Vocaroo

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Szymon is voted out by Daisy. He becomes the final member of our jury.

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idk thought this would be cute to include my voting log and stuff hehe <3 https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1RiA0RUWX4TRpqBTgRzLJJ3fHu2jBqZ-bCJozFd3HcRs/edit?usp=sharing

Jules: https://youtu.be/6zKeJuOJKeY 

https://youtu.be/5dV_-X6Rv2U

https://youtu.be/N5tnq-4QAT8

someone (zach) asked me to rank the jurors from nicest to meanest...so here we go. ily all <3 <3

1. seamus (this will def come as a surprise, but seamus was the most levelheaded and nice one on the jury. he really never made a bitter comment even though he had every right to, especially at me/daisy/dylan and really anyone who was in after him except chips. like. he was the only person to reach out in pms after and it was immediate, he really comforted me and i really admire men who can have like good relationship w/ women that are platonic??? i know he's been like terrible in the past and i did call him on some stuff in hydravivor and ill be the FIRST to admit that i called him a crackhead on a daily basis but i think he's grown a lot!!!!!! idk. i think he's also the MOST self aware!!!! im a seamus stan, what about it?)

2. brandan (while brandan was kinda irrelevant game wise this season -- but not in our hearts -- he was very objective and a peacemaker. he had good reason to be MIA too so the fact that he got as far as he did means to me that he did form some strong social connections. and he did!!! with me, i think w/ conor, so idk, he had a role like i did in the game imo. i really liked him and he really brought a fresh perspective on things!!!)

3. szymon (he's only not ranked higher bc he's pissed off rob and he stands his ground a lot more outwardly than the first two, at least in the jury chat. also he's not had as much time as a juror. but even then, i think szymon is not a bad guy like some of the ppl make him out to be. like, idk, i think he made a mistake on a game level and he even admitted it and idk he's a legend. truly. im so glad to have met him and i think he was a really nice juror to have around while he was ACTUALLY around bc he stood up for me/daisy the way seamus did)

4. lovelis (lovelis makes some pointed comments but.....he's not dumb at all and so i don't think he's been bitter. also his pointed comments have been funny and mostly radiating the energy of the other Bitter Jurors so idk. i really like him on a personal level as well and have for a while so idk. i dont KNOW KNOW him but he's never been the type to make harsh comments without them having some merit to them. so i kinda trust his judgement even though he wasnt in the game long/an early merge boot. idk i think he's open minded enough and he's also someone who admits when he's done a Lil Too Much but he's really lovely. just competitive.)

5. chips (i dont think chips is MEAN per se, in fact, i dont think he has a mean bone in his body on a personal level. like WFIJFJIFWE I DONT KNOW HOW ELSE TO SAY IT HES SO FUCKING NICE!!!!!!! but thats why it's so funny to see him in games bc he's a lil lying, a lil backstabby and sometimes he's a lil passive aggressive. but its not undeserved. its also a pisces thing WEFJIEIEJWEFJIWEF i think what i saw in the jury house was sometimes chips going along w/ things, but i dont know, i really do not know much about chips game and ill probs ask him more afterwards?? but idk he was REALLY nice to me tho so FWIJFWEWFIFW i just dont trust him in games.......i dont know whats on his mind half of the time......)

I WANNA SAY FOR THE NEXT 3 MEN THEYRE HEAVILY INFLUENCED BY THEIR FIRE SIGN PLACEMENTS SO while i know some of them do hold resentment, its a lot easier to deal with and work with and with all 3 of them we've talked it out with/are going to talk it out. only #8 has been the MOST stubborn but idk imma let him do his thing & try not to pass too much judgement u know cause i dont need to waste my braincells on that

6. conor (knowing conor's astrological placements makes this make sense to me. but i wanna say that i think he's the type of leo to like be upfront, get it out, vent, and be fine? which is why i respect him a lot and i think we do have a mutual respect for each other. some of the comments he made were kinda rude tho and him fake liking astrology for social game was SO UGLY TO ME!!!! like i'll clown him for it for as long as i know him now cause....JOKE'S ON HIM!!!!!!! WJOEFWEOWEFO but that was kinda mean but def conor's come around and seen the light / has also reached out to me to talk. he's also admitted he left a mean speech in sbbb9 and regretted it so i think he might just shoot off at the mouth a bit. but BETTER THE DEVIL U KNOW THAN THE ONE U DONT and i appreciate the transparency NOW as opposed to the fakeness of him saying he liked astrology for social game. THIS IS A HILL I WILL DIE ON!!!!! im a fan of leos tho and he's a leo moon like me. so. i think we'll be fine. )

7. rob (i actually really REALLY like rob on a personal level but i really do not know if i could play another game with him, at least survivor, id be open to playing bb. i think ill say that the best thing about rob is that he's also apologized, was one of the first to when i confronted them all, me and him have a good personal relationship tbh!! but some of the game comments he made were p harsh and he's definitely a lil bitter but again, he's admitted it, i think while he's more up front -- i dont think i ever wanna be on his bad side in a game. EVER!!! cause we didnt even have any loyalty to each other in the game but he was SO harsh on my game like it was wild bc i dont think id ever be that harsh to ANY OF THEM ABOUT THEIR GAMES LIKE THAT???? anyways. its fine bc again he's apologized and he's owned it but PHEW he got a lil bit of a sharp tongue. really eloquent tho!!!!!!!!!!! love hearing him speak)

8. gage (last but least the southern belle himself................this man an aries and i dont know his other signs but him being an aries man is enough. they POP OFF!!!!!! a lot of times there's some truth to it, sure, but sometimes they just be popping off and FOR WHAT!!!!! i do understand gage's frustrations though but even he apologized for being too mean in HIS FUTURE FUCKING CONFESSIONALSSSSSSSS TO MEEEEEE so. idk. he's got an issue with letting things go in games and miss annajane calls him on a lot of BS and it does NOT seem to really knock him down but. gage is really wht u see is what u get, doesnt really own his faults but at least u kinda know where ur at w/ him. but he's still probs the meanest one in there but i do understand from a game level why he was so fucked up about it, especially after hearing FTC. its just that. i understand his position. BUT HE NEEDS TO TAKE A XANAX SOMETIMES I S2G GAGE I WILL GIVE YOU ONE!!! girl it is NOT that serious!!!!!!)

also forgot to mention that i admitted to gage that chris from s1 was NOT actually my brother and his jaw was on the floor <3 I GOT TO DO ONE TROLL THING RIGHT!!!!!! rip me/seamus' showmance serious!!!!!!)

okay just to add onto my last confessional -- the songs i think represent me best from this playlist game wise are: - perfect for you - punchin' bag - stayin' alive - flip - femme fatale/future nostalgia (for the girls alliance that never was....rip but also me/daisy at merge vibes) - X - the shortchange - TAKE ME AS I AM!!!!! THAT SONG IS THE ONE THATS BECOME MY SONG!!!! for this game especially!!!!! - over yet (the lyrics literally speak for themselves) - tough on myself (sorry for stealing ur song vincent) - seven devils - villains pt. 1 (i dont think i was a villain but i did stuff in this game that i usually dont and would consider villainous for myself FEWIWFEJIFEW i was in my feelings!) - passion & pain taste the same when i'm weak (me coming into the jury house and realizing they'd all snatched my wig w/ the edges and the glue.....i DID cry to this song for at least 2 hours! yes i did! WIFJWJIWEIJE) - tar ('under the stars -- pull yourself from the tar'. at the end of the day, this season was fucking stacked and there wasn't one person who was a bad player at all. at all.stars, if you will. i was under a lot of stars and from all the breakdowns in my game to me actually breaking down -- i GOTTA PULL MYSELF FROM THE TAR!!!! learn!! grow!! be better!!)

TOP 5 (not 'perfect for you'): - punchin' bag - take me as i am - over yet - tough on myself - tar

good for my whole journey imo!! the last 3!!! okay this is my ACTUAL last confessional okay thank u for everything!!! bye!!!

https://youtu.be/T5wRzWwlOp8

and here's my personal playlist for the org: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2E8KGCo1SrBgoJIQ9DycfM?si=96PWq-6ERCyisacQr3zPww

it is literally an hour and a half until the winner reveal and i really just have no idea what's going to happen. like in the back of mind i just have a feeling that im losing bc, yeah you know self-deprecation woo! but yeah idk i think i really gave this game my all and while i dont think i played it flawlessly, i still think i played a strong game i can be proud of :,)

having it be a live final tribal for my first ever like, jury questioning was just--- ugh wild but i actually think it went really well. just based on what people were saying it definitely seemed as if some of the jurors didnt really want to see me and daisy at the end or like, really werent consider voting for me but i think i was definitely able to sway some people who were willing to listen and definitely gave some of the jurors something to think about. so whether or not i win i do think that i had a really great final tribal performance, maybe it was even enough to sway enough people into giving me their vote?? WHO'S TO SAY

anyways this has been such a wild experience and it's surreal to think that it's ending in like, a little over an hour but no matter what happens i can say confidently that i will be able to look back on this season fondly and will be leaving it with my head held high bc I REALLY DID THIS LIKE!!! I REALLY MADE IT TO THE END!! WOW I STILL CANT GET OVER IT HAHAHA!! but yeah bye forever <33

Rob’s Last Video:  https://youtu.be/X3krxxfJ3oo

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Daisy wins in a 7-2 vote!

[genderfluidkevinday]

genderfluid kevin day headcanons bc i can do what i want and also i have the perfect url to spread my ��please representation” propaganda. 

“how did you know?”

because in the quiet of nights when kevin is supposed to be asleep but he cant, not really, when his heart is still pounding from practice and every breath riko makes him terrified of being caught, he reads what he stole from the public library and it says sometimes people do not fit into the gender they were assigned and

because by sneaking searches on the internet when he can, kevin finds words. dangerous, un-raven-like words for how to love someone and how to be yourself. he finds words that mean you are not alone. 

because he wakes up one day and demands to be the queen of exy, to be seen as what he is. the best. more powerful than the king. (not entirely cisgender?)

because it feels right. 

because in the quiet between exy and family, kevin day has the time and the love to have the quiet understanding that this is who kevin day is. 

it’s kinda a shitty realization process to go through- kevin starts questioning in the ravens, then immediately goes “No TM !” and internalizes all those feelings 

kevin internalizes All the feelings, always ! compartmentalizing!

bisexuality? put it in a box!

gender identity? put it in a box!

feeling crushing inferiority? put it in a box!

mom died tragically? put it in a box!

ur dad isnt here? put it-

jesus fuck these headcanons were supposed to be happy and it got SO derailed 2 points in

anyways 

post canon, kevin starts to become more comfortable w every aspect of himself, and finally takes the time to have a gender crisis

and then, immediately, decides it was all ridiculous and he was actually a cisgender all along !

he does the dumb thing i did. which is spend about a month going “lmao i’m cis but i wish i wasn’t, i don’t need a gender!” while badly ignoring his gender crisis

it’s renee who finally helps kevin out a little

kevin, dumbass: pfft, gender is stupid, but i’m cis so whatever! renee, nb lesbian icon: are you sure? kevin, having a crisis:

renee actually sends kevin a bunch of links to pages that have lots of words, and “what gender are you” quizes, and dumb memes about being trans/nonbinary and it shouldn’t help as much as it does. 

renee is the first person kevin quietly texts at like, 2 am, and goes, “uh, can you use they, i think?”

her response is, obviously, “of course!”

so they’re like, pretty sure they’re not cis, but they bounce around labels for about a week before they end up settling on genderfluid. 

sometimes kevin day is a boy, with loud opinions and soft hands. sometimes kevin day is a girl, with messy hair and a bright smile. sometimes kevin day is neither, with clumsy limbs and determined eyes

(however- kevin day can always outclass any striker on a court.) 

it just feels right, in a way nothing else did. 

theyre like,,, super nervous about coming out, like, they can’t even come up with the courage to tell their dad they’re bi, how the fuck are they gonna end up telling anyone else? solution! don’t.

except kevin is becoming more comfortable with every aspect of themself, and being casually bisexual around the foxes (nicky makes one too many jokes about kevin’s “”hetero guy crush”” on jeremy and they end up snapping “bitch i’m bi there’s nothing hetero about it.” and nicky is immediately like !!!!!!!!!!!!!) (but thats another post)

so kevin, with the growing comfort that yes, you can be non-heterosexual and non-cisgender and still be fucking amazing at exy, they start to come out

it’s a slow process because when they tried to do it all at once, they got tongue tied and just walked away without saying anything. so they end up doing it individually. 

allison first (because renee can be there and give support AND bc allison is also A Trans), and kevin whispers, “so, I’m genderfluid.”

allison, casually: what are your pronouns? kevin: she/her. i’m a girl today. allison, with all the softness of someone who has been there: do you want me to do your makeup? kevin, with all the softness of someone who’s new to this: maybe one day.

after allison is andrew+neil, because they spend so much time together at night practice it’s inevitable it comes up

and by that i mean kevin screams halfway through night practice “THIS IS GENDERFLUIDPHOBIA” because andrew keeps blocking her shots. 

andrew flips her off.

neil asks if thats an actual term.

kevin says to fuck off and keep practicing.

next is wymack. 

oh boy. 

so kevin isn’t even sure how to be a good son- she has no idea how to go about being a good daughter. she has no clue how to be a good child. 

she doesn’t know if wymack even wants that.

but she goes to him after practice and he snaps, “what is it?” in a voice thats maybe a little less gruff than usual

and she says, “i’m genderfluid.”

he stares at her for a while.

she continues, “i’m a girl today, actually, and i just thought you should know.”

wymack asks, “you’ll tell me when it changes, right?”

kevin nods and leaves. 

its a start.

telling jean feels like a really big deal, but in hindsight its about fifteen minutes of bad puns that follow an awkwardly worded coming out. 

kevin: so like... guys right jean: yes? kevin: what if... i wasn’t one jean: are you trying to come out to me? kevin: is it working?

the rest of the monsters follows after that- aaron obviously doesnt understand, but he doesnt say anything rude. (he looks into it later). nicky, immediately, takes a supportive role.

nicky: I’M GONNA STAPLE A GENDERFLUID FLAG TO MY FACE THATS HOW MUCH I SUPPORT YOU kevin, softly: please don’t how would you play exy.

matt and dan get a less official coming out, because kevin isn’t sure how to be friends with them at all. but they manage a “so, i’m not a guy, actually, i’m genderfluid, and right now i don’t have a gender.”

dan gives them a set of pronoun bracelets for their birthday and matt gives them a book about the history of the nonbinary community and yeah, maybe this is how to be friends.

the baby foxes don’t get to find out. kevin doesn’t trust them as much, and isn’t ready to be... out out. 

kevin has absolutely no desire to change their name, at all.

kevin: why would i change my name i’m an ICON.

WAIT i lied,,, they change their middle name to kayleigh. 

the first time kevin gets invited to a girls night, she cries

its a surprise, which is hard to plan- girls nights are always on tuesdays, so they have to wait for a tuesday where kevin is free and feels like a girl

renee casually mentions that they have a history book that kevin might like, so she should come pick it up

and then in the dorm, dan and allison are setting up a movie and popcorn and renee is getting her nails painted. dan waves kevin over and tells her to pick a movie, allison tells her to pick out a nail polish, and renee actually does have a history book for her.

kevin finally accepts a make over from allison. 

she cries like five times that night and tries to brush it off as nothing but... kevin can finally exist in a space, and feel welcome, and also feel... wanted.

it’s a good feeling

kevin, wearing a crop top with the genderfluid flag on it, painting renee’s nails as they watch the trojans game: lmao can you imagine thinking i was cis? what was i thinking? i was so dumb lol.  renee, sweetly: no it was a perfectly normal reaction to being raised in a cisnormative society, and i’m very proud of you for figuring out that it wasn’t right for you kevin: dammit renee why do you have to be so kind and supportive just let me make jokes about my moron-ness in PEACE 

kevin day is the fucking QUEEN of exy !!!!!!! she’s better than you and you know it. 

each and every day kevin day hears misogonistic comments towards female exy players and each and every day kevin day wants to scream B I T C H in their face

he wanted to do this even before he figured out he was genderfluid bc kevin day drank respect women juice before realizing he was also drinking sometimes i am women juice

kevin actually 100% hates dresses a lot bc they can never find any that are a good texture and its Sensory Hell, and also you cant play exy in them?? what the fuck??? 

they end up liking crop tops and short shorts, and a few kinds of makeup, but skirts and dresses are dumb and itchy actually 

kevin goes on an impassioned rant about this at LEAST once a month

you know that really good feeling when you wake up one day and you realize you’re happier knowing who you are and maybe it’s rough and maybe it’s not perfect but you get to know who you are and your friends respect and love you for who you are and you start to realize you love knowing you too????????

yeah.

kevin day is genderfluid and this is my hill to die on thank you and good night

[thefuturewifeofsarahpaulson]

Honestly an honest to god lesbian pop star like hayley kiyoko is so empowering. When it comes to wlw expressing explicitly their experiences loving women in pop culture, we rarely see it. Icons come out and then they never touch the subject again. I'm not judging them because being super gay will interfere with your career but it's clear that it's simpler for gay men to have and keep a large fanbase and talk abt loving boys. Probably bc straight girls are less likely to boycott a dude loving dudes than a lesbian locing women. Not sure why. We've been listening to ur straight music our whole lives and still appreciate it so maybe question why you'll listen to troye sivan be gay but wont listen to halsey do it....

(I'm not saying it's easier bc we all struggle and fuck arguing abt who has it worse, wlw and mlm should just be supporting the fuck out of eachother non stop. )

Hayley kiyoko is doing amazing being a popstar who sings abt loving girls. Remember being like thirteen and pretending you don't like 1D bc you're better than that? But then relating so hard when they just sung abt how cool and perfect girls were and you'd always think of THAT girl you know who's on your mind.

"Story of my life" makes me cry btw

There are girls like us sitting in their rooms at fifteen knowing all the lyrics to "sleepover". Finding the song by accident whilst watching lesbian yt couples and wondering "why do i love this so much? Why am i down this lesbian yt rabbit hole?" Those babies are probs panicking the shit out of their hearts bc they realise why. Now they have a real popstar. Popstar is such like an old word but like they shaoe our youth even if your edgy and hipster (me af).

Anyway...when they have their first break up, they can listen to hayley kiyoko and dance alone in their room and feel empowered and heal. Ofcourse there are wlw icons in all genres of music that deserve recognition. Alison weiss is great for instance, it literally is like a lesbian avril lavigne mixed with like the soundtrack of mean girls. Indie music is great and as a sad lesbian bitch I love the shit out of some introspective feminsit sadcore, mate. I also wanna dance in my room to a bop abt fucking girls in santa monica tho. Thank you hayley kiyoko so much for making life easier for us babies who are just overwhelmed with girls being cool and hot and helping us to knock down our pedestals and pick ourselves up.

Also when troye and her offciially collab im gonna personally hug every mlm i know (even those i dont like) because we gotta stick together. Straight ppl pit us against eachother but like compliment your nearest mlm. Also your nearest queer person in general. Even if theyre an insufferable angsty teen, just make vine references and make friends 😂😂

[cheswirls]

im gonna ramble abt day 0-2 bc i can

the 3 back to back olym records for backstroke this morning was craaaaazy and in the prelims too!! m always iffy abt swimming events but if a clip is amazing like this then ill usually watch it n be glad that i did, im jus not gonna spend an hour+ watching it live/a rerun of the entire thing right. wouldnt think to watch backstroke either but like!! it was good!!!

cannot for the life of me find a video of chusovitina’s vault im hoping now that all womens events are over for the day itll show up soon!! actually havent been able to find much of anything on gymnastics /sigh and my parents dont have cable anymore so the nbc app i used during 2016 is obsolete. if anyone knows any free livestreams hit a girl up i rly need it

i keep seeing names i recognize from rio n its been so much fun to see their results this time around aaaa. like i remember us’ hernandez in gymnastics, us’ ledecky in swimming (thru the memes more than results oooops) china’s shi in diving (small caveat abt that below) uk’s daley also in diving, others but you get the gist

i have not seen the 3m synchro diving but i did see that shi placed gold again so !!! i rly hope the coverage is better this time around bc i remember scoffing in a hotel room at the female reporter covering diving who said she had seen shi ‘do better than that’ and it was literally near or was a perfect score 3m dive and im p sure a record for the specific one like, the cmt was totally uncalled for and untrue bc she had never done better on that one before so haaaaaaaha i hope that specific person is not on diving again n they have ppl who know what theyre watching but aaaanyway not that im gonna get to watch coverage like that this year anyway, jus wanted to note that like, thats what i remember shi from and she deserves better this year (also i rly love diving its v impt to me)

skateboarding street was fun!!!! i watched recaps of mens i think jus the finals bc they had it narrowed to 4. it went kinda quick but ig they were strictly showing the trick then results, and it was one trick per run so it wasnt like they were skating around the entire course doing a timed run thing like it was one and done. had never rly paid much attn to skateboarding so i watched a few more videos after the fact to see who these guys were so i should hve an easier time w park now that ik. looking forward to womens!! i think theres a girl thts like 13?? crazy cant wait. was cool to see the jpn guy that placed gold hes my age!!!!!! crazy crazy

ive seen small clips of mens vb and womens fb but im not gonna watch an entire game until medal placement bc. time. and interest. i will watch (the rerun) sb jpn/usa round 1 bc thats gonna be hype. will be at work while its live but ill see highlights n stuff. might catch gold medal game live ayyy

seeing kor/rus in archery was good too aaa!!!! crazy kor has won the event since it debuted i didnt realie that til this year

not super into tennis so didnt know who osaka was until day 0 but shes def on my radar now woooow the opening match was so good. shes one year older me i jus cant get over how a lot of these athletes are my age or super close

will only watch some events at medal placement but next week im super excited for athletics 100m, baseball, vb finals, gymnas indv, diving 10m!!!!!!!, others

last thing i watched womens shooting final (hhhhh rifle, not sure what range) and only after did i learn the target was like, 2 dimes big, damn they show it a lot bigger on screen woww, thats amazing impressive even if it only hits the edge. and! saw the 12yo table tennis player aka youngest olym athlete this year that was fun !

[gaygardner]

foxhole rec

so all for the game is the name of the series more commonly tagged as the foxhole court which you’ve probably seen more of then all for the game. all for the game is the name of the series but not many people tag it as that cuase foxhole court is just more /them/ but yeah i obv tag it as all for the game

NAYWay

first of all … http://coldsaturn.tumblr.com/post/145954896501/ so damn accurate i swear

basically its like this.

you’ve met ronan lynch… now meet andrew minyard. okay. lemme tell u about andrew minyard. he is basically like ronan turned up about 100 notches and then some. the first time he meets neil is so perfect (neil is the protagonist) also speaking of neil. nora (nora sakavic aka the author) has basically more or less stated that neil is demisexual (cause like nora herself) neil simply does not understand attraction (unless ur name is andrew i mean what) and a lot of the fandom kinda makes him genderfluid too which nora has said shes fully cool with too and she could see it (Nora is a precious angel you’ll love her but we’ll get to her) andrew minyard is an angry smol and i mean the DEFINTAIOTN of angry smol like hes barley 5 foot but e is also th emost deadly Exy player there is (we’ll get to exy too) and he protects whats his and who he loves no matter the cost. the things he does for the people in his life who mean something to him like sHIt fuck me up ten ways to sunday m8. book 2 is really when u get more of a feel for andrew as in book 1 ur kinda like okay wtf who is this lil psychotic midget putting neil through hell. and why should i care?? but YOU DO and you WIll like shitshit he caught me so off guard that lil shit.

neil josten… neil josten is also a smol bean. u know how every otp has one asshole? yeah no. neil and andrew are both asshoels and its gr8. so neil is the narrator and it starts off with him telling you about his life and okay this kid. this kid has been through the ringer. his dad is some scary ass serial killer dude called The Butcher and he and is mum we’re on the run from him for years. but now its just neil by himself and his whole life hes been on the run from the mob and his dad who wants to gut him. so neils life has just been one town to another new names new lies and etcetc. but then he gets approached by someone wanting him to play Exy (we’ll get there shh) with this … hm… this.. group of troubled kids as other people would say (but rlly theyre just human okay and all my loves are amazing) called the Foxes and his first instinct is to run. run away now cause he cant have a future and get noticed u know for neil that was just never an opition. but coach (coach wymack is amazing good lord at one time he even calls neil or andrew fucking retarded or something like coach pls) wants to adopt neil and neil is like nah uh but then coach mentions a name. kevin day. and lolol basically book 1 is so gay with neils hardon for kevin and 90% i thought kev and andrew we’re bangin and we’re boyfriends (originally first draft nora said it was gonna be kevin/andrew then kevin/neil and then onc eupon a time poly neil/kev/andrew but thank god she changed it cause that so wouldnt have worked u will see) but alas. anYWay

neil knows kevin from his ~past~ and hes got a creepy lil stalker book of all things kevin he carries with him like neil pls

anyWAy EXY okay exy my pal is like basically think a hardcore version of lacrosse with hockey ;) i could honesty ramble on so much more about why i love it with how all these kids have such srs mental illnesses but they mAKE It and they WORK THROugh it and that makes me super happy or i could tell u how much of an angel nora herself is and how she talks to us (she has a tumblr ill give u later) or i could tell u

how amazing the girls are how renee… okay i wont spoil anything but her backstory is INSAne and dan and just ugh my girls… how neil looks up to them

Neil thought about Renee’s bruised knuckles, Dan’s fierce spirit, and Allison holding her ground on the court a week after ____’s death. He thought about his mother standing unflinching in the face of his father’s violent anger and her ruthlessly leaving bodies in their wake. He felt compelled to say, “Some of the strongest people I’ve known are women.”

also andrew has the biggest sweet tooth and is an actual five year old

here have some links

(all non spoilery)

http://jasontodds.gq/post/145908105104

http://jasontodds.gq/post/142056738689

http://jasontodds.gq/post/144830349107 matt boyd is an actual angel and his girlfriend could and will fight u and nicky hemmick NICKY goddamn hemmick is hella gay and he talks about his german boyfriend and its SO SWEET hes SO in love i can not deal with it (hes also andrew and aarons cousin)

“[Erik] taught me to believe in myself. He showed me how to balance my faith and my sexuality, and he made me okay again. I know it sounds dramatic, but he saved my life.”

posey is basically the most common fancast for him and its ace http://jasontodds.gq/post/142056689769

here have this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEN_sPynauU

last one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LaWr8hIuws4 honestly i just… love these kids so much okay they have all gone through such SErious traumas each of them and they still find a home in each other and its so beautiful and raw and kevin day oh m88 dont get me started on kevin honestly i could talk about all of these kids for days about why theyre so perfect and angel (except for aaron hes an asshole but hes OUR asshole so we kinda have to love him cause hes also andrew twin bro so)

okay so this is a gr8 one http://plantparrish.tumblr.com/post/139619235147/might-i-inquire-to-know-what-tfc-is-exactly-what

and hERE more

http://coldsaturn.tumblr.com/post/141462171061/what-is-the-foxhole-court-is-it-as-gay-as-the

aNND okAY *huffs out* thats it thats all i got for now

LAST IMPORTANT THING THOUGH

there are a LOT of triggers

here is a list so you know what youre getting in for

http://coldsaturn.tumblr.com/post/142178121481/detailed-list-of-trigger-warnings-for-the-foxhole sexual abuse is a pretty big one in book 2 its a spoiler re who its happened too and other stuff but if you want i can tell you when its gonna happen or come up just so youre prepared but yEP okay

I’ve said all year I don’t swing and I meant it. Kissing you doesn’t make me look at any of them differently. The only one I’m interested in is you.  

[aparoxysm]

❤

❤ to learn about my character’s past relationships

Where do I even start with Ian HA HA HA :’) 

Alright so basically, the story is as goes; after being a royal weak ass bitch in the eyes of his big scary Bart Bass™ dad he went off to college with a whole new appreciation for what distance did and what the world had to offer, oyster and all. he quickly made some dumb friends and went some frat party where his bro # 1 was hooking up with a couple of girls and Ian is just like “WOW how do i do that too that looks fun af???” and his friend is like “dude try a poly its good shit" and ians like “man ok what is this can i just like be with a hundred chicks at once or like are there rules???” and his friends like “nah, nah, young padawan, u got much to learn in the ways of being polyamorous. let me introduce u to some cool people, they’ll show you the ropes” 

And so basically from that moment on, he’s never actually BEEN in a monogamous relationship. A little louder for the people in the back; HE HAS NEVER KNOWN WHAT DATING 1 PERSON FEELS LIKE. he took on poly relationships really seriously too, he wasn’t your average dumb prick who just liked to have 200 women at his beckoning call. because he doesnt just like women for the sake of women. he likes relationships, he likes being someone different to all these girls and them having their own versions of him in their head. its kind of like, his therapy. he’s a flighty guy, hes got girlfriends in different parts of the globe. as soon as one is getting too.... ??? just too. then he bounces on to the next and will be back later when hes less Shook™.

That being said, one of his first real strong connection relationships was with the mayor’s daughter of the town he was born and grew up in. Her name’s Rebecca and shes a total rich, elitest just like his family is being known for. But she’s open minded and strong willed and he would let her walk all over him in her Gucci heels if she wanted to because shes one of the few he’s been allowed to be completely honest and real with. Just in the last year they had a hiccup and he got her pregnant. While half of him kind of wanted to get hit by a bus because this is so classic of him to fuck up this bad, the other half is like OMG I MADE SOMETHING THATS LITERAL PERFECTION EVERYONE WHO THINKS IM 2 STUPID TO PROCREATE IS EATING THEIR WORDS RN I AM #1. basically, he is really happy to be a dad and when hes in town, hes the best dad and theyre a family but like. he is still ian and ian is still poly and that is something he will have to explain to his daughter one day. @rebecca-james (u will literally never let me tag u will u GOD WOMAN)

Another relationship that affected him for better and worse was a sweet, down to earth artist who was living in the shady ass part of town where he grew up. Kind of a Prince & Pauper situation, he had a lot of lifestyle differences to wow her with and for her it was an amazing form of escapism therapy. She wasn’t from his world and he wasn’t from hers, so they really had no judgments to make but their own and... basically i think it was the first time in his life he almost considered monogomy. Because when she found out he was seeing other people --- and guys, he’s usually honest about it. like thats in the rules, you dont fuck around with people and lead them on only to be like SIKE u one of twenty baby. like thats just being a collosal dick and he aint about that humiliation. he likes to be as open as possible about it. --- anyway basically when she found out, she was v emo about it. she was like “i understand” and hes like “i wish you didn’t” and shes like “its okay” and hes like “but its not  can tell” and shes like “its fine i love you” and hes like “pls dont it hurts me” and basically. he was 2 weak when he got rebecca pregnant to even face this girl and tell her it in person so he ran away like the 4 year old he is, moved cities and just like. hoped he’d never see her again because now he is the ultimate asshole to the woman he honestly would have probably almost maybe like given up being poly for. but he didnt. because in real life, people dont do what you want all the time. and i think it was and is still important to their story that he sticks to what he believes in. even if it might have ruined his chances with her. @adam-sterling (lol)

Enter sam, literal blonde beauty. She’s from the ritz, her fam is pretty up there, but she’s not your average spoiled and entitled upper class brat. She got issues and so does he cause hes basically avoiding all that noise up there ^ and its like. Just nice to be someone else again, so he really is very closed up about it. He pretends he aint got shit to deal with and sam helps him feel like a cooler version of himself and it’s just easy. Its nice. Also shes hot, like double whammy. @dimpsandhoes

Now we got Malina (bless her soul) and I am really afraid of her having to deal with literally any of this.

[villlaneve]

Supercorp D.E.B.S. AU

okay so first of all if you haven’t seen the cinematic masterpiece that is D.E.B.S. (2004) dir. Angela Robinson please do yourself a favor and watch this absolutely ridiculous GAY 91 minute spy comedy. The main plotline of the movie is the perfect spy falling in love with the most notorious super villain, who is so extra that she leaves a trail of diamonds wherever she goes aoiefhaiowsd. Also it has a happy ending and no wlw die 

anyways if the writers are gonna make Lena evil I won’t even be mad because of the amazing D.E.B.S. AUs that can come out of it:

- Lena as Lucy Diamond and Kara as Amy Bradshaw

- Mon El as Bobby, Cat as Ms Petrie, J’onn as the director, Alex as Max, Siobhan as Janet, Vasquez as Dominique (except she sleeps with lots of women not men)

- Basically the story is no one who saw Lena Luthor ever lived to tell about it but it turns out everyone dying was just a coincidence and she had nothing to do with the deaths

- Kara got the perfect score on her secret test and is the #1 posterchild DEB. They nickname her Supergirl

- Kara breaks up with her bland douchey boyfriend Mon El cause she realizes she isn’t in love at all

- Lena Luthor resurfaces after 2 years underground (turns out she was sulking after a girl broke her heart) because her partner in crime and friend Leslie set up a blind date with another criminal, Roulette, and all the agencies think theyre up to something

- when they chase her down Kara and Lena meet and Lena is instantly smitten. Kara is writing a thesis on Lena and is fascinated

- Lena wants to see Kara again and kidnaps her to go on a date with her and get to know her better at a club. 

- They fall in love against all odds and end up together

I didn’t want to give away the whole plot of the movie in case some people havent seen it yet. but please do and imagine that entire movie with Kara and Lena to be honest aoirfhiaosd

[hoenursey]

Hi, can I ask the I guess story of Othello real quick even just a summary if you don't want to go in depth because I was excited about hearing about it, but then I was also really thrown off seeing Othello being a slave and all and now I'm just kinda confused?? Because Nursey in silk with a choking kink DOES sound amazing but I guess I'm just confused af now

lmao, okay, so. originally i was writing just an au of nursey and dex playing desdemona and othello, respectively. however, othello’ character background is that he was a former slave and a moorsman, or a person from the moor, and moorsmen are black people.

the beginning of othello starts with roderigo and iago outside of the house of brabantion, desdemona’s father. roderigo is jealous of othello because he’s in love with desdemona and she pretty much turned everyone down and she’s like dainty and pretty and hot as fuck, like the most beautiful fair girl ever and shit, but she’s falling in love with othello. also i’m pretty sure roderigo saw her and othello chilling or w/e. so basically, in the middle of the fuckening night, roderigo and iago start yelling to brabantion to come outside and talk to them. brabantion is generally a pretty cool dad and he’s like “bitch she doesn’t like u stop getting drunk and coming to my house my daughter turned ur ass down already”, rod and iago proceed to say a bunch of racist shit and say “check her bed she’s out being a slut with a black dude lol” to which dadbra says “she would never she’s so sweet and she’s also turned down literally everyone who’s ever wanted to date her” but desi, my girl, is actually gone from her bed, so dadbra is like “you’re right!!! i can’t believe my daughter is fucking around before marriage in the middle of the night!!! i trusted her!!! time to go chase after othello, who i welcomed into my house, with a bunch of pitchforks” which they do. they show up to othello’s crib like “what’s up here’s our accusations time to throw you in jail for fucking my daughter because if she turned down all the hot dudes in the entire city she’s definitely not gonna fuck a black dude out of wedlock unless there was some type of witchcraft involved” to and othello is like “uhh okay cool i’m dealing with the house of senators rn so like. can this wait a second my dudes” and they’re like “perfect! we’re gonna show them what a terrible black dude you are!”

they go in front of the senators and they’re like “what’s the sitch why is this angry mob here my dude” dadbra is like “uh he fucked my daughter, i’m sending him to jail for witchcraft or kidnapping bc there’s literally no other way she’d fuck a black dude when she doesn’t even like these hot white dudes”

othello’s like “uh actually i married her”

everyone: “what”

and he kind of explains like “buddy yeah i’m not super good with words so i’m not gonna bs you. i married your daughter. no kidnapping, drugging, or witchcraft. she fell in love with me and so now we’re married. she’s at the inn down the street also so like i’m def not fucking her since we’re at my house and she’s at a hotel”

everyone except dadbra is like “oh okay that sounds reasonable” but dadbra is like “you’re telling me that my good white upper class daughter fell in love with a black dude who she’d be afraid to look at? i’m calling bullshit it’s clearly witchcraft”

the duke p much is like “uh… but where’s the receipts tho i don’t see any witchcraft” and the senators are like “go get desdemona so we can confirm this also othello bro keep talking”

othello’s like “yeah i was a warrior and i travelled a lot and dadbra used to like me a lot so he invited me over to hear my stories about the wars and how i fought and battles and being on ships. i told him my entire life story from when i was a kid all the way until now, how i was captured and sold as a slave, how i bought my own freedom and just all types of cool shit and then when she did her chores around the house for dadbra she would come around as soon as she finished and ask me more and ask me to tell her more stories” essentially desi thinks he’s hot and a tragic hero and she’s like “everything that happened to you sucks but you’ve also got some sick ass stories so maybe that makes it a little better? idk sorry all this bad shit happened to you but you’re rly interesting to talk to. if any friends had any stories like yours i’d probably fall in love with them”

othello’s like “yeah uh i’m not that smart and i’m more of a military dude than an intellectual but i know a fucking hint when i see one”

he says the sweetest thing too like “she loved me for the horrors i had been through and that i had the strength to come out on top, and i loved her for feeling so strongly about me and having passion. here comes my wife now and she’ll tell you the exact same story”

desi comes in and is like “yeah dad sorry i shouldn’t have like run out in the middle of the night to get married but i really do love him promise no messing around”

and this is part of the reason i think brabantion is kinda cool bc he’s not actually a racist he just said some shit without rly thinking and let the things that he’s used to hearing influence him and he’s like “oh, well, you’re in love. that’s fine then sorry i didn’t realize. i’m super glad you’re my only daughter because after this whole disaster, if you’d had any younger sisters i know i would have overreacted and acted like a prison warden to them and women don’t deserve that. i’m still a little upset abt u sneaking out in the middle of the night but like blessings on your marriage i guess.

so that’s like…. act one

later on some fuckery happens, iago decides to be a dick, because they’re all together for some reason that i don’t feel like saying idk something abt the turks and also because he’s a miserable worm

cassio is one of their friends who’s also there and he’s, like, some type of foreign i think (probably spanish or italian) and has respect for women and his wife (who’s not there) but bc he’s spanish or italian (probably italian as verona is mentioned and shakespeare REALLY has a thing abt italy??? idk he’s a pasta fucker) or whatever he does the thing where he kisses people on the cheek and because it’s the elizabethan era, he kisses women’s hands, and earlier he had like politely greeted desdemona and iago’s wife and called them beautiful and smart and shit and called iago out on being a misogynistic piece of shit. iago like actively hates his wife and also literally anyone else’s happiness so he’s like i’m gonna fuck up cassio’s life and i’m gonna fuck up othello and desi’s and also he’s a jealous racist misogynistic asshole wants to fuck up othello and desdemona’s (healthy, loving, trusting, equal) relationship so he’s like

"hey othello. ur wife’s a slut. she’s fucking cassio behind ur back lol”

and othello, who thinks his wife is the shit, is like *daveed diggs voice* “whaaaaat”

iago: “yeah totes she’s a massive hoe”

and othello is like “nah not my wife. maybe someone else’s wife, but not mine”

and iago is like “no bro im serious. we’re sleeping in the same bed (i don’t know why i mean his fucking wife is there isn’t she) he’s been having like wet dreams about her and saying ‘damn i wish u weren’t with that black dude’ and he’s been rolling over in his sleep and dry humping me whilst moaning ur wife’s name” (honestly iago the reason you don’t like women is because you’re gay and jealous calm down)

(literally that was so extra i can’t believe how overwhelmingly bisexual shakespeare was that he needed to slide that gay ass shit in there)

anyways othello’s like “okay so that’s a little weird but that doesn’t mean she did anything. maybe cassio just wants to bang my wife. that’s understandable, as id also like to bang my wife” (they’re super into PDA they’re so in love)

iago: fair. also iago: i mean there’s no way to prove it but like… maybe your wife gave him something. like, idk, does she have a hand embroidered handkerchief maybe? just a thought just a thought lolothello: ya i gave that to her as like a courtship gift she never goes anywhere without it bc she loves me so muchiago: yeah well uh i cassio wiping his beard with it so they’re definitely fuckingothello, my dumb son: NO!!! THAT DEFINITELY MEANS THEYRE FUCKING IF MY WIFE GAVE AN ITEM OF GREAT SENTIMENTAL AND PERSONAL SIGNIFICANCE TO HIM!!! MY ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY FAITHFUL AND COMPLETELY INNOCENT UP UNTIL THIS POINT WIFE!!!!

so he’s like “uh i have to kill her i guess now :(((((((”

problem is he’s still fucking in love with her like he literally loves her so much and can’t even bear to stab her like a normal person would do if they’re trying to kill their wife, so what does he do? he fucking kisses her awake to explain what he’s doing and why he’s doing it and then gently smothers her to death

so gently, in fact, that she doesn’t actually die, just passes out

a servant walks in and is like “boi what the FUCK”

othello: uh

it’s desi’s handmaiden lmao and he’s like “i had to she’s fucking other men” to which she says “no she’s not you idiot” and then desdemona wakes up to say something dramatic and then properly dies

except no she doesn’t bc othello literally is just really really fucking in love with his wife so he’s an incredibly ineffective murderer despite literally having been in the military for almost all of his life but that’s all i’m explaining bc my hands are tired and i answered this all on mobile plus that’s all you need to know for my story

[apsbicepstraining]

BBG trainer Kayla Itsines: Alcohol is ‘poison, ‘ but carbs sure aren’t

Instagram fitness queen Kayla Itsines “ve never” consume at McDonalds, but she insists she has had a cheeseburger.

For anyone who has followed Itsines journey to becoming an international phenomenon importance a reported $46 million, that tidbit may come as a surprise. After all, the 26 -year-old( whose name is declared Its-See-Ness) has apparently obstructed her media chart picture-perfect to fit her character: online personal trainer to 12 million admirers on Facebook and 7 million on Instagram. Not to mention, she is an inspirational flesh to the countless women whove bought into her buzzed-about Bikini Body Guide, a 12 -week fitness and nutrition programme thats set off a batch of hashtags on Instagram, including #bbg( tagged in 5.8 million poles) and #bbgcommunity( tagged in 2.6 million poles ).

#bbgprogress @annasfit advancement using my #bbg curriculum! She says I hope these motivate others as much as me. Its sunny again so it necessitates bikinis! — The right photo is about 2,5 years ago and the correct one yesterday. Good acts take time. http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on Jun 8, 2017 at 1:34 pm PDT

Does she drink alcohol? Its poison, Itsines has been quoted enunciating. Has she ever had chicken pieces? Nope, she told Fox News. Favorite pizza? Supreme with lots of veggies and, in Australia, where shes from, pineapple.

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What shed be if she wasnt a personal manager: A educator! she exclaimed. What category? Fitness!

Original? No. But when you get to know Itsines in person, theres no question she’s enthusiastic about her work.

— 3 STEPS TO LEARN HOW TO DO A PULL UP — This is for the girls asking me This is my first attempt at putting verse on my videos … IT DIDN’T GO AS PLANNED OKAY ….work with me here people hahaha. ANYWAY !! Let me just say this doesn’t happen over night. You need to practice each step until they are ALL mastered! Then you can attempt an unassisted chin up/ pull up http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on Apr 21, 2017 at 12:11 am PDT

Check this out, Itsines enunciated, pulling out her iPhone and showing off her newest curriculum, BBG Stronger, on the SWEAT app, for which shes collaborated with managers Sjana Elise and Kelsey Wells, two other rising stars in the fitness nature.( Itsines program schools wives how to incorporate heavines machines at the gym into their workouts .) As a cluster of female peers delivering by assembled around her post-interview, Itsines giddily scrolled through the differences among boasts each move boasts a digital exhibition by Itsines, ended with a timer to help users stay on track motivating quenched oohs and ahs.

Forbes lately called the Adelaide native the most influential fitness personality worldwide a claim shes earned through promoting her diet and fitness platforms, works, in-person bootcamps, and custom stock, like yoga mats and foam rollers, on her site.

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Itsines fame, she told Fox News, has grown organically through an online community of women who inspire each other. On her social media details, you wont find person reproaching or recommendations to cut carbs( one of the most difficult mistakes Itsines meets American maidens see ), but instead, you will see inspirational mentions encouraging self-love, her followers side-by-side metamorphosi photos, and snapshots of fruit dishes and Itsines rock-hard abs. Suffice it to told she’s facilitated produce the charge for the growing body-confidence movement on Instagram.

26 today I feel like some of “youve had” literally watch me “re growing up” !! So Thankyou for all your foundation over the past few years and happy birthday to anyone who shares the same birthday with me !! http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on May 20, 2017 at 3:11 pm PDT

Ive been a female-only trainer my entire life I started out at a female-only personal schooling centre, answered Itsines, who got into the industry just before her 19 th birthday. I know girls, Im a woman myself, I know what they crave, I know how they conclude, I know how they feel.

Fox News: You descent out of college to become a personal manager, started working at a small gym in your hometown of Adelaide, and connected Instagram on a whim after your business marriage and boyfriend, Tobi Pearce, promoted “youve got to” do so. But at what spot did you know that you had really made something large-scale?

Itsines: World Tour in 2015 was big because I got to hear folks floors who followed my planned, and I got to hear how I changed “peoples lives”. As a coach, you sort of anticipate, Well, you did that because you put in the hard work and you put in the effort. But they were so insistent in went on to say that, No, Kayla, it was you. You gave me the confidence, you gave me the persuasivenes. I was standing there supposing, This is amazing. This is changing families lives.

Fox News: How do you stay sanded?

Itsines: My family dirts me so much better. Theyre a big Greek family, and I live a time from my grandparents, who dont pronounce any English. They know what I do, but its almost like they dont attention. They dont think of me as anything special or as Kayla Itsines from Instagram. Its only that Im their granddaughter. They still yell at me when Im belatedly!

My baby – I love you! @tobi_pearce http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on May 6, 2017 at 5:24 am PDT

Fox News: Youve altered millions of womens lives. What has that been like?

Itsines: Thats an indefinable detect. I dont know if youve ever knowledge someone coming up to you and supposing, Youve changed my life, but you can feel that passion, and you try to hard not to yell and not to hug them forever.

@chasingfitnessdreams I’m so proud of you !! Progress expending my #bbg platform! She adds “I have struggled with my heavines and self confidence for a years. I was pretty tiny my whole life until I procured my desire for nutrient. I would eat what I wanted, when I wanted without exerting, I simply didn’t really care what it would do to me. Then once I seemed uncomfortable with how I searched I would urgently try to lose the heavines again until I was smaller then do it all over again! This messed up my metabolism and built me so sad! I have now noticed poise and learnt myself that I can have the nutrients I cherish whilst exercising to perceive large and keep in shape. Having additional load on me formed me feel tired, grumpy, breathless, bloated and miserable .. some people may say I gazed better before .. and to me that is a flattery but I simply want everyone to remember .. it DOESN’T MATTER what you look like .. it’s how you Find that are important. And I feel astonishing thanks to finding Kayla who attains me want to feel the best I can, so thanks girl ‘ I have 10 weeks until my sisters wedding and I am so excited to wear my bridesmaids dress find self-confident ” http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on May 12, 2017 at 4:31 am PDT

Fox News: How do you pick the person or persons to boast on your Instagram?

Itsines: This is something I expend a lot of season on, and its not necessarily someone who appears a certain acces or talks a certain style. Its someone whos super inspiring, and I have to be able to go on their profile, should be noted that theyve done the program, should be noted that theyre a positive party, and see that they actually have a pilgrimage that other women can follow and be inspired by.

@victoria. malmbbg 14 weeks advancement expending my #bbg curriculum !! stupendous …. did I forget to mention she is also a baby of TWO http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app #bbgprogress

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on Jun 14, 2017 at 12:58 pm PDT

Fox News : What are some of the most difficult misconceptions you watch dames construct when theyre trying to change their bodies?

Itsines: One of the biggest gaffes Ive understood wives build in America is the cutting-out-carbs act. Its, I want to look like this when truly, they should focus on how they appear rather than how they gaze. It should be: Im gonna do this to stimulate myself happier, so in turn, I experience beautiful. Thats truly a mindset Im trying to teach women.

HOW ONE WOMAN DROPPED 100 POUNDS BY FOLLOWING A FAD DIET

Another mistake wives obligate would be going too hard too fast. As wives, we have theatres where we get this sudden reason, we are seeking to do everything Im so motivated, Im gonna “re going to the” gym, Im gonna work out for hours and hours and they work out, theyre super sore, they cant continue it, and they become unmotivated. Its just about taking happenings step by step: maybe doing a seven-minute workout and making it into a 14 -minute workout the next week. Its about slowly improving your workout up until you feel good rather than pushing it very far.

Fox News: Whats your advice for someone who is working out and trying to get more physically fit, but is not realise develops?

Itsines: Take a step back and is to ensure that theyre cozy with their training regime, gobbling the right foods, and boozing enough irrigate. Sometimes, its just about devouring more and doing less thats something thats a very hard abstraction to move to ladies, specially here in the U.S.

@mysweatlife amazing develop photo To one of the most manner and hard working girls I know … you are absolutely killing it !! I am so freakin proud of you http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app #bbg #bbgprogress

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on Apr 25, 2017 at 6:12 am PDT

Fox News: Have you always been strong and fit? And if not, what challenges did you overcome to achieve the body you have today?

Itsines: I have always been fit Ive been into basketball since I was 5 years old. But in terms of forte, that took a lot of building up. I did that through basketball training and training in the gym. Nonetheless, Ive always been really, very happily married within myself, and thats what I try to push to dames that I contemplate the more you do gradually, the better you start to feel.

CROSSFIT ATHLETE’S POWERFUL TRANSFORMATION PHOTO PROVES GETTING FIT TAKES TIME

Fox News: Any advice for women struggling with organization confidence?

Itsines: We could have the best organizations in the world, but if we dont feel good on the inside, it doesnt question. I ever say to parties, Contemplate about the most beautiful party you know. Theyre not beautiful because they have a beautiful figure! You dont mention, Oh my best friend or the person I adore the most is so beautiful because her body searches any particular acces. Its because she makes me laugh, because shes smart, because shes here for me. Beauty comes from the inside, and the more that ladies start focusing on that, the more beautiful people become, including themselves.

Ladies, what’s your favourite organization area to workout !?! Comment below! http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on Apr 28, 2017 at 4:57 am PDT

Fox News: Your strategy is truly based on helping women become strong , not skinny what would you say to anyone who doesnt contemplate strong is sexy or attractive?

Itsines: Strong is always sex and attractive! And the word strong what does that intend? Because forte comes from within, and BBG Stronger is a program that promotes dames strolling into the gym with trust and experiencing self-confident as they walk out. When youre self-confident within you, it constructs and it extends, and it glistens out of you.

8 LITTLE CHANGES THAT CAN LEAD TO WEIGHT LOSS

Fox News: Your Instagram is of great root of brainchild and funding. Can you speak a little to why having that sort of support is really important for people who are on a fitness passage?

Itsines: The translations are certainly relatable you can go onto the page and find someone who looked like you before, or who ingest the method you do, or was living in the same country you do. I think that relatability is really nice to have, so “youre not” looking at one particular being suppose, Well, I cant dine that or I cant do that.

@healthylife. iv change employing my #bbg program !! http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app #bbgprogress

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on Jun 10, 2017 at 3:21 am PDT

Fox News: Your programs are large-scale on poise in that they involve heavines discipline, cardio, extending and resting and, on the nutrition side, even dessert! Why is this mixture so important for producing outcomes?

Itsines: Balance is important in life. It keeps us sane! Why, as wives, shouldnt we be able to have our dinner and eat our dessert? Why shouldnt we have that? For illustration, last nighttime I had some pasta and chocolate after, and I dont feel bad because I chew health and I work out. Everything in moderation!

Just having a little moment of refection. I feel like the last few years has been an absolute whirlwind! When life gets busy, you often don’t get the chance to stop and think about what you’ve achieved along the way! Time is transferring by no matter what you do. So why stress? Why get worked up? Why obsess so much better when you can be happy and enjoy your life instead! I know that’s easier said than done sometimes, but genuinely when you think about it, you SHOULD be happy. You should be able to celebrate every moment. Time will pass no matter what…..so you may as well be happy and do what you cherish. http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app #bbg photo credit – @alexpreview

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on Apr 24, 2017 at 7:00 pm PDT

Fox News: Do you ALWAYS dine healthy? Whats something you enjoy chewing that beings might not expect?

Itsines: Greek cakes! Theyre Greek tarts with sugar and walnuts.( Itsines mothers are from Kos, Greece .)

Fox News: You swerved 26 in May, and youve already fulfilled more than most women your age. Do you ever feel like, Where do I run from here?

Itsines: No! My patrons are the perfect speciman that age was nothing. Some of them are 40, 45, 50 years old and have the energy levels of a 20 -year-old. For me, whats next is facilitating more women and reading how I can do that to its implementation of getting feedback from all levels of society and with BBG. Its just so exciting.

Flashback !! My favourite thought in the world is satisfying my #bbg girls. I have left every single one of the boot camps, gone to my inn chamber, sat on my plot, set my honcho in my hands and cried. Not from sadness, I wasn’t sad at all! I was the terminated opposite in fact. I was overwhelmed with so much better joy and pride! Until I encountered you girls, I had no idea how much POSITIVE change was appear in all regions of the world. I got to hear all of your stupendous floors and how #bbg has changed your life or the life of someone you love. Even now, my sees ocean as I’m writing this because it builds me think back to all the amazing times that I have with you all. All I can say is thank you and that I am so so so sanctified so be able to meet you girls and hear your narratives. I would Desire for you to berth in specific comments below and tell others why you started the #bbg and how it changed your life. I want to show wives that everyone’s floor is different and we are all here for different reasons, but with one discontinue point … health and merriment http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app #bbgstronger

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on May 18, 2017 at 5:47 am PDT

* This interview has been edited for span and clarity .

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A Definitive Ranking Of 2000s Rom Coms

Although people who peaked in high school like to act poetic about how great the 2000s were, they werent actually any better than the present day. I mean, it was a time when Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake wore matching denim outfits in public and nobody carted them off to an insane asylum.

But Im prepared to make a concession on two points: 1) At least we werent under the administration of a sentient slime mold wearing a bad wig. 2) The 2000s were a golden age for romantic comedies, mostly thanks to Judy Greers tireless efforts to play every heroines best friend. Plus, only like half the jokes were sexist, and there was about an 80% chance pre-pretentious Matthew McConaughey would show up.

Obviously, a betch has to be picky about her rom-comssome are shitty in a good way, but others are best avoided in case someone catches you watching them. To guide your Netflix viewings, here’s a totally objective list of 00s rom coms. If you disagree, which Im sure everyone will, please note that Im not actually forcing you to watch these movies; Im just saying that if you regularly watch any of the bottom five, you have terrible taste.

14.

is considered a modern classic by two groups of people. 1) men in their late 20s with a crush on Natalie Portman and a thriving quarter-life crisis and 2) 8th graders in 2004 under the assumption that any movie that features a Shins track in its soundtrack is automatically deep. To everyone else, its a film about self-absorbed white people whining about their lives until theyre magically fixed by the power of mixtapes. There are approximately a zillion issues with this film, beginning with Zach Braffs complete lack of expression and ending with the fact that you cant cure real depression by listening to The Shins, no matter how clearly superior the soundtrack is to anything else in this film. Worst of all, though, is the fact that Natalie Portman played a manic pixie dream girl so obnoxious I still dream about strangling her character sometimes. Padme deserves so much better.

13.

Im not saying romantic comedies have to make much sense, but s plot is mystifying. Matthew McConaugheys parents are tired of him living at home, so they call in a lady high class escort (Sarah Jessica Parker) whose job is literally seducing men into moving out of their parents basements and unceremoniously dumping them. Because that’s plausible, and not at all fucked up to force your son to fall in love with someone you’re paying. Ridiculous premise aside, you know a movie is terrible when famed nicegirl Zooey Deschanel is the best thing about it.

12. Monster-in-Law

In case you missed this one, and for your sake I hope you did, is about Jane Fonda inexplicably being terrible to Jennifer Lopez, who walks a lot of dogs and is engaged to Fondas son. That right there should tell you all you need to knowI cannot think of one movie that JLo was in that was anything above mild torture, and we’re supposed to root for her character why, exactly? If my son was engaged to a full-time dog walker you can best believe I’d do everything short of actual murder to put a stop to that bullshit.

11.

Im told some people love this movie, but Jesus fucking Christ, is it possible for the two main characters to be any more appalling? Here you have two assholes manipulating the shit out of each other and just generally acting psychotic, all to win a stupid bet with their friends. They really should call it “How To Act Like A Psychopath And Lose Your Dignity.”

10.

Not gonna lie, I fucking adored when I was an impressionable preteen. It had time travel! Mark Ruffalo! A makeover scene! Years later, the movie is still fun to watch, even if it is way too obsessed with the 80s, but the jokes are more cute than funny. Also, why would anyone allow their 13-year-old child to go to a sleepover hosted by a 30-year-old? That is … questionable to say the least. Not to mention Jennifer Garner’s character does a reverse transformation from a betch into a nicegirl and dumps her hot pro bf in favor of her formerly fat friend. Blah blah, true love, I don’t give a fuck. Tenth.

9.

is close to being wrapped in cutesy narration, but it’s far superior. For one thing, it reintroduced the world to Joseph Gordon-Levitts dimples. For another, it manages to be a fairly realistic depiction of a shitty millennial relationship without being super fucking depressing. But thats also kind of the problemrom coms arent supposed to be realistic, theyre supposed to be clich and feel-good, and I don’t care what you say, Summer is a thot. I have literally stayed up at night mapping how she could have possibly met someone worthy of engagement a mere 118 days after she broke up with Tom, and only six days after attending a wedding as his guest (yes I did the mathI told you; this movie keeps me up at night). No matter how you slice it, she had to have cheated on somebody.

8.

Full disclosure: As a Southern betch, Im stoked that takes place right next door. (Dear Hollywood: An entire country exists between New York and LA.) But even though it features Patrick Dempsey as the other man, Josh Lucas with a dreamy Southern accent, and Reese Witherspoon, there are still some issues. Mainly, WTF WERE YOU THINKING, MELANIE? Did you really dump your future president fianc for your secret redneck husband just so “the first boy you kissed could also be your last”? I’ve heard of trying to keep your number down, but damn if this isn’t some delusional shit.

7.

Everyone on planet Earth can relate to having a batshit crazy family, and thats exactly what makes appealing. The two leads are fine, considering they’re not Kate Hudson or Matthew McConaughey, but the extended family is everyones favorite part of the movie. Honestly the most memorable moment to come out of this movie is the “put some Windex on it”pretty good deal for Windex, not so much for the people who actually starred in the movie. However, it does get points for the memorable line: “The man may be the head of the household, but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head any way she pleases.”

6.

The plot is pretty flimsy (a Canadian businesswoman has to marry her assistant to avoid deportation) but everyone loves a story where the couple starts out hating each other and eventually falls in love. The cast is what makes this movie pure rom com gold: Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, and Betty fucking White, who gifted us with the infamous Native American dance scene. Basically, it’s predictable but ridiculous, making it better than some of the other garbage movies on this list.

5.

Admittedly, is probably to blame for some of the chubby man-child/beautiful, svelte woman couplings we see in the media that give men unrealistic beauty expectations (of the types of women they can expect to date), otherwise known as The Beyonc/Jay Z Phenomenon. But whatevs. Its a good movie. Seth Rogen has that whole dad bod thing going onapparently a thing some people are intoand Katherine Heigl was at the top of her rom com game before she pissed off the entire cast of .is actually hilarious, which is enough to make up for the fact that Katherine Heigl appears in it.

4.

Even aside from my undeniable crush on youthful Sandra Bullock, is a quintessential early-2000s romantic comedy. Allow me to explain. 1) It stars an ambitious career woman who dont need no man. 2) But she kind of wants one anyway, and everyone realizes what a catch she is when she puts on lipstick and a dress. 3) Did I mention its plot is literally an extended makeover scene as Bullock goes from bad ass FBI agent to bad ass beauty pageant contestant? I rest my case. Add in some cute female friendships and a scene in which Bullock teaches us how to fend off an attacker, and its basically required viewing every year.

3.

You had to know was going to make the list despite this amazing take-down article of why it’s actually terrible. With approximately a bajillion storylines going on, its hard not to find one you like and get invested, and it doesnt hurt that the film features every well-known British actor under the sun. Im not sure how the movie manages to juggle all the different plots without being confusing and/or boring, but Im not gonna question it. However, this shit is TOO FUCKING LONG. If I have to pop an Adderall just to make it through a damn movie (which I do), you need to send your editors back to the drawing board.

2.

is the perfect example of a rom com thats super clich in theory, but in practice, its so fucking heartwarming it doesnt even matter (ugh). Katherine Heigl plays ultimate nicegirl Jane (in case the fact that her name is “Jane” wasn’t enough of a clue), whos been part of 27 weddings and miraculously hasnt gone broke from buying all the bridesmaid dresses. The dudes are pretty forgettable, but Janes psychotic sister and slutty best friend totally steal the spotlight, elevating the film to truly betchy heights.

P.S. For once, James Marsden plays the leading man, so his preternaturally perfect face gets more screen time, #bless.

1.

Bridget Joness Diary is the ultimate feel-good movie, as in its literally impossible to watch it without feeling your icy soul thaw ever so slightly at the end. The titular character starts out fat, single, and past the age of 30, so basically our worst nightmare. By the end, though, she manages to bang Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, land a better job, and become a self-described wanton sex goddess. If those arent your life goals, you clearly need to start your own self-help journey.

Read more: http://betches.co/2leb0vU

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