#and a Dumbass Bitch hot girl shes so dope

[satoruoo]

OK IMAGINE U ARE HAVING A REALLY LIKE REALLY SHITTY SAY SO U JUST GO AND BULLY UR FRIENDS LIKE ANY REASONABLE PERSON WOULD DO YK? AND IT JUST ENDS UP LIKE THIS

Reader: "@/gojo you are a fucking intoxicated rot mouth bitch you have less teeth than a fucking rat and u are one"

Shoko: "."

Gojo: "Damn baby did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed again🥺🥺🥺🥺"

Geto: "What gojo do💀💀💀"

Reader: "@/geto *cutely caves the back of ur skull in* "you smell like dog piss bro"

Geto: "you can smell through a screen?"

Reader: "yeah cause that shit pungent fr spreading your shit through the screen"

*Geto goes offline*

Reader: "@/shoko get ur weasel mouth ass back here bitch"

Shoko: "excuse me tf did you just say "

Reader: "you heard me stupid fucking deaf bitch you give the same attentive span to me like ur father did to you"

Reader: "your on par with houdini with the way ur adhd comes and goes you stupid fucking bitch they divorced but live together cause they fucking broke and u dont even realise it yet cause ur so doped out of ur mind fucking buffalo trotting bitch"

Reader: "your filthy like a pig stay in ur pigpen"

Shoko: "..."

Gojo: "LOL YOU GOT COOK💀"

Reader: "stfu gojo you caved in legged pig"

Gojo: "So rude😢"

Reader: "wakey wakey dicks and gravyyy

Gojo: "What do you even want🙄?"

Reader: "Bitch DON'T YOU EVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT ill fucking beat ur ass"

Gojo: "😦HUH"

Reader: "im the second person you should ever talk to like that aside from your mama, she beats you physically i beat you mentally"

Gojo: "bro why so rude like im okay with you making fun of geto and shoko BUT ME? "

Reader: "gurl forgive me im sorry, ik ur braindead n u have more mental problems than a swiftie im sorry"

Gojo: " YOU GONE AND MENTALLY ATTCAKED ME LIKE 4 TIMES THIS WEEK???🥺😔🥺😔🥺😔🥺😔🥺😔🥺😔🥺😔🥺😔🥺😔🥺😔🥺"

Reader: "well you fr needed it like ur fucking stupid like ur teeth are shaking out your fucking skull rn"

Gojo: "omg bbgorl u need to control that anger😭"

Reader: "ykw ur a dumbass shoko ur ass needs to die already with that fucking lung cancer and geto ur ears look fucking rotten yall are stupid fucking bitches im gonn-"

*Geto removed "Reader" from the group today at 2:46 pm*

Geto: "i know we're gonna get a ear full of her later"

OMG THIS SHIT WAS SOO FUCKING LONG LIKE TF 😔 I PROMISE ILL MAKE A SHORTER STORY NEXT TIME I COME OVER TO U BB LIKE OMG IM SORRY U HAD TO READ ALL THAT😭😭😭💖💗💓💞❣️💝💘💞💓💗💞💞💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓 ANYWAYS THIS WAS FROM UR HOT SEXY AMAZING CUTE FINE KIND PRETTY (GIRL😳) FRIEND DOORSTOP GIRL😍😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰🥰😘😘😘🤩😏

THAT SHIT IS PUNGENT??? UR MAMA BEATS U PHYISCALLY???? I AM CRYONG HELP ME and they will hear from me later🎹🙋🙋

[caandlelit]

fellas i'm feeling the incredibly specific emotion that is gay and yearning right now

[mafia-nct]

GOT7 Mafia AU: Their S/O Getting Insulted

Genre: mafia au!, angst.

Warning: swearing, violence, mentions of blood.

---

Jaebum:

They’ve been in the meeting room for hours, planning their next mission. Everything needed to be executed perfectly and knowing your boyfriend; no one was getting out of that room until they memorised every detail of the plan.

You knocked on the door and opened it.

“I bare gifts!” You said motioning to the bags of snack you carried in your hands.

A small smile appeared on Jaebum’s face. You placed the bags on the table and made your way to your boyfriend.

He hugged you, hiding his face in your neck. “Thank you,” he whispered, “we needed a little break!”

“Welcome Jae!” You whispered back

“Yo boss,” screamed one of the new recruits, “where did you get a bitch like that? These snacks are dope!”

Every head turned to him, the atmosphere in the room dropped and Jaebum let go of you. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and narrowed his eyes at his new recruit.

“I’m sorry, what did you just call my girlfriend?” Barked Jaebum

The recruit turned white realizing his mistake.

“He called her a bitch Jae!” Answered BamBam.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Your boyfriend turned towards two of his closest crewmembers. “Jackson, Mark I believe you know what to do!”

The two men nodded. Jackson grabbed the recruit by the collar dragging him out of the room as he pleaded mercy.

Mark:

He threw one knife after the other. He didn’t understand why Jaebum wanted him to learn how, but he had to follow orders. He’d been in the practice room for what felt hours. He’d only hit his target once every 20 knifes thrown and even then, he didn’t hit exactly where he wanted. He was getting frustrated.

A group of recruits entered the room, never seeing him due to the fact that he was at the far end. They were loud, he hated that, but it made his job easier. He could eavesdrop on them without paying attention.

“Victoria’s Secret angels are the hottest women on this planet hands down!”

“I agree!”

“Nah bro.”

“Alright then, who do you think is hot?”

“Honestly, Mark’s girl is pretty tight.”

Mark’s head snapped towards the recruit as he continued.

“She’s sexy as hell and I’m sure she can take it. If you know what I mean!”

Mark’s grip on the knife in his hand tightened; his knuckles turning white. He didn’t even think as he aimed and threw the knife hitting the recruit in the shoulder. Exactly where he wanted.

The recruit screamed in pain as his friends looked in the direction of where the knife was thrown.

Mark got out of the shadows. “Next time, I’ll aim for your head. Now, go tell Youngjae how you got injured.”

Jackson:

“Where the hell is Yugyeom?” He wondered out loud.

Jaebum just assigned him a new mission and he needed the youngest to be his getaway driver. He looked everywhere but he couldn’t find Yugyeom anywhere. He decided to go to the headquarters’ recruits’ training center. Maybe Yugyeom was teaching something to the recruits.

“Yo,” he heard somebody say on the other side of the door, “Jackson’s girl is so fine. I’d do her anytime any day, if you know what I mean!”

He recognized that voice immediately. It was that stupid new recruit who thought he was better than everybody else.

Jackson didn’t waste anytime after hearing that comment. He threw the door opened and spotted the recruit. He marched towards him and grabbed him, with one hand, by the neck only to slam him in a wall.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Spat Jackson

The recruit couldn’t answer; Jackson was, after all, strangling him. The recruit was turning red. He grabbed Jackson’s arm but Jackson’s grip only tightened.

“Jackson let him go.” Said Jinyoung who was only in the room because he heard the commotion.

Jackson leaned towards the recruit’s ear. “I’m going to make your life a living hell.” He whispered before dropping the recruit on the ground.

Jinyoung:

“So, apparently, my wife looks like a nice fuck toy.” Said Jinyoung sitting in his chair behind his desk.

“No, no, no that’s not what I meant!” Panicked the recruit on the other side of the desk.

Jinyoung raised his hand stopping him. “No need to explain yourself buddy. Mark heard everything. And not to be that guy, but I trust Mark way more than I trust your dumbass.”

The recruit’s head dropped.

“Here’s what’s going to happened.” Started Jinyoung. “You and I are going to take a trip to the station and I’m going to put you behind the bars.”

“What for? I didn’t do anything!”

Jinyoung raised a file in the air. “That’s not what this file says. It says that you were spotted selling drugs and weapons on the streets. What an amateur! Not only do I have evidence that you did, I, also, have witnesses.”

“But I never did!” Screamed the recruit.

Jinyoung got up and grabbed the recruit pulling him up. He put the recruit’s hands behind his back and handcuffed them.

“Between you and me, who do you think they’re going to believe pal? The sergeant of the organized crime division or some random crook who’s already been arrested once for drug possession?”

A silence felt the room.

Jinyoung leaned towards the recruit. “Check mate bitch.”

Youngjae:

He was removing a bullet in a recruit’s leg. You were by his side, helping him. He needed the extra set of hands when it came to those situations; the last time he needed someone he asked Jackson, but he almost fainted.

“Could you pass me the stitching needle love?” Asked Youngjae

You grabbed it and handed it to him.

“It must be nice to have her around here Laughter!” Said the recruit

“What do you mean?” Replied your boyfriend

“Well, she does whatever you say and doesn’t say a word. She’s like your slave, your own little bitch.”

You mouth hanged open; you couldn’t believe the audacity of that guy.

Youngjae stopped what he was doing. He looked at the recruit for a good minute before he stuck his index finger in his wound. The recruit screamed in agony.

“Listen to me you fucktard,” spat Youngjae, “If I catch you calling my girl a bitch one more time, I’ll make sure you end up dying in pure agony. I might even let you bleed on the floor for all I care about. Am I clear?”

The recruit nodded biting his lip.

“Good, now leave. I don’t even want to stitch you up anymore!”

BamBam:

He was used to it really. He should probably stop feeling like this every time it happened. It should roll off his back, but he just couldn’t. You were his girl. He thought that was obvious when you entered the club with him.

He watched you, politely turn down another random dude, from the second floor of the club. He rolled his eyes, but when he stared back at you. The situation was worrying. The guy was being very aggressive towards you, grabbing your arm and trying to pull you in his direction.

BamBam ran down the stairs, almost breaking his leg in the process. This was not happening, especially not under his watch.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed out when he was finally next to you, “I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to go with you buddy.”

BamBam placed his hand on your back reassuring you.

“Mind your own fucking business skinny and let my girl and I settle this!” Barked the guy

BamBam made a disapproving sound. “Oh man, you just said something that was super incorrect!”

In choc, the guy let go of your arm. BamBam slowly raised your left hand in front of the guy and did the same with his. “See dumbass, we have matching rings. She’s my wife. And this,” he raised his hands in the air, “is my club.”

Your husband looked at two of his bodyguards and with one look they understood. They dragged the guy outside, this guy wasn’t leaving without a few bruises. 

Yugyeom:

He loved to bring you to his races; you brought him some peace on those hectic nights.

He held your hand tightly; he didn’t want to lose you in the crowd, as you two walked to where his car was parked.

“I just want to check something real quick baby.” He said unlocking the car. “Then we’ll go see the other races.”

“Alright.” You replied.

He opened the driver’s door and sat in the seat. He wanted to make sure that their mechanic team did what he asked. He could not afford to lose because some idiot didn’t do their job.

As he was checking his dashboard, he heard someone talk to you.

“Hey pretty ass, what is a beautiful girl like you doing here?”

“Ew,” Yugyeom heard you reply. A small smile appeared on his lips, he loved how straight forward you were, “leave asshole. I don’t want anything to do with you!”

Every thing seemed fine in his dashboard, so he popped the hood of the car to go check if everything was fine there too.

“Listen up you bitch!” The stranger barked. “You’re not going to tell me what to do or I’ll have my guys take care of you!”

That struck a cord in Yugyeom. Who was this guy threatening you with no actual reason? He grabbed his gun from the inside of his jacket and got out of the car.

He pointed his gun at the stranger. “Say that again fucker!”

You slammed your hand on Yugyeom’s chest. “I’ll take care of it”

He looked at you questionably.

“Alright sweetheart!” You yelled. “Bring your guys, I’m so scared of them I’m shaking in my pants. Anyway what do…”

As Yugyeom watched you tell the guy off, he lowered his gun and smiled. He couldn’t believe he was in love with a badass.

[dreamersmemes]

jessie reyez ‘before love came to kill us’ sentences

feel free to change pronouns & things ! DO YOU LOVE HER

‘ i should’ve fucked your friends ’ ‘ it would’ve been the best revenge ’ ‘ i’m trying to heal but it’s a process ’ ‘ there’s a stranger where my heart is ’ ‘ i’m sick with feeling like i deserved better ’ ‘ you’re sick for everything you did to me ’ ‘ it was a setup ’ ‘ if i blow your brains out, i could guarantee that you’ll forget her ’ ‘ i could kiss it better ’ ‘ kiss me ’ ‘ i’m the monster that you made ’ ‘ kiss me, i’m the monster that you made ’ ‘ you made me ’ ‘ now i’m just like you ’ ‘ don’t complain ’ ‘ i do the things you like hoping you’d stay ’ ‘ you don’t want me unless i’m someone else’s ’ ‘ you don’t even know you’re being selfish ’ ‘ that’s when you get off and you can’t help it ’ ‘ all your bullets, they feel like velvet ’ ‘ i let you do it ’ ‘ i loved you too much ’ ‘ your dead to me ’

DEAF ( who are you )

‘ what the fuck’s a day off? ’ ‘ i don’t love ya ’ ‘ go get your bitch ’ ‘ she’s all on my dick ’ ‘ i am the one that got you in love ’ ‘ i heard you got a lot to say ’ ‘ i ain’t a killer, i’ll let you breathe ’ ‘ oh, now you don’t recognise my face? ’ ‘ i never listen ’ ‘ who are you? ’ ‘ if i’m sipping jameson, i don’t answer ’ ‘ i’m taking everything i came for ’ ‘ i ain’t fucking asking ’ ‘ who are you, bitch? ’

INTRUDERS

‘ this is mine from now on ’ ‘ when i see intruders, i load up my weapons ’ ‘ you’re beautiful ’ ‘ i see them stare ’ ‘ you belong to me ’ ‘ i’d kill all intruders ’ ‘ my love is ruthless ’ ‘ you are my kingdom ’ ' heads on a stake of people that failed ’ ‘ don’t you come in ’ ‘ this is my land ’ ‘ please, no intruders ’

COFFIN

‘ we fought until the sun rose ’ ‘ i still ain’t been to bed ’ ‘ the devil wakes up in my head ’ ‘ he told me that you hate me and you blame me ’ ‘ you hate me and you blame me ’ ‘ you said that you wish that you were dead ’ ‘ you make me wanna jump off a roof ’ ‘ i love you to death ’ ‘ i love you to death, just like a fool ’ ‘ i walk up to the edge and say a prayer before i let go ’ ‘ you get there just in time to save me and apologise ’ ‘ maybe we can go back to bed ’ ‘ i had to watch you jump off the roof ’ ‘ maybe buddha’s got it right? we reincarnate every time ’ ‘ i’ll find you in another life ’ ‘ i don’t really wanna fight ’ ‘ i just wanna spend the night ’ ‘ hit me in the eye, bit me on the thigh, then began to cry ’ ‘ i’m at the end of my wits. let’s end this ’ ‘ pledge your loyalty, treat me like a king ’ ‘ no matter how mad i get, i’m mad about you ’ ‘ i know we’ve had our challenges, still i keep trying to salvage it ’ ‘ bet you think i’m fucking around on you ’ ‘ it never changes, i doubt if it will ’ ‘ cheat on me then say “how does it feel?” ‘ ‘ how could you? ’ ‘ i almost had a child with you ’ ‘ i’ll put you in the ground ’ ‘ you’re just trying to pull me down with you ’ ‘ if you jump, i’m jumping with you ’ ‘ neither one of us having nothing to lose but each other ’

ANKLES

‘ we fight just to fuck just to fight again ’ ‘ i never thought you’d leave me ’ ‘ i doubt you’ll ever find anyone ’ ‘ these bitches can’t measure up ’ ‘ you apologise, but your twitter says ‘no regrets’ ’ ‘ i’d kill for a mute button in my head ’ ‘ i’m tired of pretending like i was the guilty one ’ ‘ you’re shallow ’ ‘ why’s it always me that’s gotta feel bad? ’ ‘ you left me in a heartbeat ’ ‘ it will never go back to the way it was ’ ‘ she’s not on my level, you could’ve done better ’ ‘ you make me sick ’ ‘ i’m back on my shit ’ ‘ she doesn’t ride like i used to ride it ’ ‘ i doubt you’ll find anyone to measure up to me ’

IMPORTED

‘ my bank account is looking mighty fine ’ ‘ we can skip the wine and dine, go straight to the wind and grind ’ ‘ wanna cum? i can make it happen ’ ‘ you can be my biggest secret ’ ‘ you’re gonna have to leave him ’ ‘ you’re in love with somebody else ’ ‘ maybe i could offer some help? ’ ‘ get over them by getting under me ’ ‘ you might o.d if you get too much of me ’ ‘ my name is not important ’ ‘ i’m not from here ’ ‘ i drink liquor like it’s water ’ ‘ what happened here ain’t nothing sacred ’ ‘ that got me fucked up ’ ‘ i know that dude just saw me naked ’ ‘ fake it ‘til you make it ’

SAME SIDE

‘ how come i can’t leave you? ’ ‘ i feel like i am tied down to someone who’s making me cry more than making me smile ’ ‘ i don’t want you. i hate you, i think. but i don’t wanna be alone either ’ ‘ you’re such an asshole, but i see a prince ’ ‘ i’m a good girl, but you see a bitch ’ ‘ i wanna make love, you wanna burn a bridge ’ ‘ i wish i was a bad guy ’ ‘ we could be fighting on the same side ’ ‘ you said you would be out of my life ’ ‘ you used to be paradise ’ ‘ you used to be where i would go to hide from people who treat me how you treated me ’ ‘ i don’t believe you ’ ‘ sorry i’m not your ex ’ ‘ i’m sorry i’m lacking self-respect ’ ‘ should’ve left you when you started hopping beds ’ ‘ i’m sorry, i swear that i tried my best ’ ‘ can’t you be sorry instead? ’

ROOF

‘ it be skinny dudes packing those anacondas ’ ‘ i’m a fucking monster ’ ‘ everything i do hits the roof ’ ‘ i got nothing to lose ’ ‘ you lucky i don’t want your man ’ ‘ never really ever had a high like this ’

DOPE

‘ tell me do you need a teacher? ’ ‘ i know i got what you need ’ ‘ i know what you like ’ ‘ that shit dope ’ ‘ come here hot boy ’ ‘ it’s only bad if you get caught ’ ‘ pull that trigger ’ ‘ put that drink down ’

BEFORE LOVE CAME TO KILL US

‘ i love you in the worst way ’ ‘ you knock me down like a heavyweight ’ ‘ we fell in love ’ ‘ nobody gets out of love alive ’ ‘ we either break up or we say goodbye when we die ’ ‘ for a moment at least, i know you were mine ’ ‘ winter comes and roses don’t survive ’ ‘ it’s getting late and i should go ’ ‘ i wanna hold you ’ ‘ we’re not supposed to but i can’t learn my lesson ’ ‘ i miss when you were my best friend ’ ‘ i think about you everyday ’ ‘ life’s good and i’m getting paid ’ ‘ when i miss you i medicate ’

LOVE IN THE DARK

‘ we’re only humans, floating on a rock ’ ‘ i think you are made of stardust ’ ‘ you put up with so much ’ ‘ the sweetest goodbyes are never with smiles at all ’ ‘ our lives are running out ’ ‘ i’ll be there to pull you back up ’ ‘ i’m nothing without you ’ ‘ i won’t leave you alone ’ ‘ there’s love in the dark ’ ‘ i’d do anything to relive our memories ’ ‘ i thank god for everything that you showed me ’

I DO

‘ we let this castle fall down, what a tragedy ’ ‘ do i still live in your head? ’ ‘ do you still live with regrets? ’ ‘ because i do ’ ‘ i do ’ ‘ do you got something on your chest? ’ ‘ do you wish we weren’t finished yet? ’ ‘ come bring me all your sins ’ ‘ put a band-aid on the scars ’ ‘ would you give me your heart again? ’ ‘ if i could just see you. we don’t even have to talk ’ ‘ i’ll take an argument ’ ‘ all i want is a familiar face ’ ‘ i’d much rather hurt from familiar pain ’

FIGURES

‘ i gave you ride or die and you gave me games ’ ‘ i’m crying ‘cause you just won’t change ’ ‘ i gave it all and you gave me shit ’ ‘ i wish i could hurt you back ’ ‘ what would you do if you couldn’t get me back? ’ ‘ you’re the one who’s gonna lose something so special ’ ‘ tell me boy how in the fuck would you feel? ’ ‘ i’m the bad guy because i can’t learn to trust ’ ‘ you say sorry once and you think it’s enough ’ ‘ i got a lineup of girls and a lineup of guys begging for me just to give them a try ’ ‘ i’m willing to stay because i’m sick for your love ’

FAR AWAY II

‘ i think you’re the love of my life ’ ‘ i feel like i need you tonight beside me ’ ‘ i feel what you feel when you’re far away ’ ‘ i ran out of heart, don’t got feelings ’ ‘ you left your panties and bra right under my pillow ’ ‘ you gonna stay on me until i’m finished ’ ‘ your body won’t say stop ’ ‘ you feel it in your soul ’ ‘ i fuck with your vibe ’ ‘ i never meant to do you dirty or make you cry ’ ‘ you’re just my type ’ ‘ like the love of my life ’ ‘ i care about you so much it’s kinda scary ’ ‘ I’m happy that it’s happening ’ ‘ i just miss you ’

WORTH SAVING

‘ you’re trying to leave while you can ’ ‘ i might be worth saving ’ ‘ when you come back i might not be here waiting ’ ‘ didn’t you say that your mama liked me? ’ ‘ there ain’t gonna be one like me ’ ‘ don’t let me go too easy ’ ‘ i’m not the easiest ’ ‘ to be real i don’t blame you for leaving me ’ ‘ all my friends, they hate your guts ’ ‘ i’m here defending all you’ve done ’ ‘ i’m not the easiest, don’t even blame your dumbass for leaving me ’

SUGAR AT NIGHT

‘ i could blame your parents, but you’re grown now ’ ‘ a couple vodka’s and you lose all control ’ ‘ if it ain’t about you, you just peace and zone out ’ ‘ it’s such a joke to hope that you could just be normal ’ ‘ you’ll never make me a bride ’ ‘ you just give me fight scenes ’ ‘ you always take away my smile ’ ‘ you always fuck up my dreams ’ ‘ sometimes i wish that you’d never entered my life ’ ‘ you had a wild light ’ ‘ embarrassed when i had to call you my guy ’ ‘ you stole my good years ’ ‘ i could’ve dodged your cheating and some bad scars ’

NO ONE’S IN THE ROOM

‘ i’d go to church every sunday ’ ‘ teenage love still took my virgin skin ’ ‘ after my first time i cried ’ ‘ after my first time i cried because i thought heaven wouldn’t let me in ’ ‘ the priest has got a boyfriend ’ ‘ the teachers smoke weed after school ’ ‘ when you’re young they try to keep you in cages ’ ‘ most of them don’t follow their own rules ’ ‘ i need to talk to god there’s just some things that i don’t understand ’ ‘ who am i when no one’s in the room? ’ ‘ does the voice in my head that talks me off a ledge belong to me? ’ ‘ vices only pacify for the moment ’ ‘ vices that they made to hold our pain ’ ‘ spend your whole life being graded ’ ‘ you’re not enough ’

[medea10]

My Review of Konosuba

(Short for: KonoSuba - God's Blessing on This Wonderful World)

How did I get into this anime? As you all know, I’m being an absolute lazy-ass when it comes to Isekai animes and have only gotten into the recent hits as of 2019. I already finished the suffer edition and the struggle edition. Let’s check out the light-hearted, wonk-fest! But before that…

Let’s go back to the mid-1990s and rewatch the first episode of Yu Yu Hakusho. We all remember Yusuke Urameshi sacrificing his life in order to save a child about to be hit by a truck followed by being told that the child would have survived regardless if Yusuke interfered or not. So dude just wasted his fucking life for nothing! Let’s amp this trope up to 483 with the way our main lead in Konosuba dies. Kazuma Satou was on his way back home from purchasing a video game when he noticed a girl about to be hit by a car. He pushes her out of the way and yada, yada, yada he’s dead!

He is now in a limbo setting, standing before a goddess named Aqua who tells Kazuma that his death was absolutely meaningless. Not only would the girl have survived, it wasn’t even a car, it was a slow-moving tractor. And Kazuma didn’t get hit by the tractor, he suffered a heart attack due to shock, followed by pissing his pants, followed by doctors, family, and relations laughing at Kazuma’s humiliating experience. And then he dies!

Aqua tells Kazuma that he has two options. He can either go to Heaven or be transported to a fantasy world (much like a game) and try to defeat a demon king. Choosing the fantasy world, Kazuma is given the opportunity to take an item with him on his travels. Now at this point, Kazuma has been annoyed by this goddess’s attitude towards him and decides to be a dick. So Kazuma chooses Aqua to be with him on his journey. Sucks for Kazuma however, because Aqua is useless! And unlike the video games Kazuma’s used to, he and Aqua must do manual labor and pay off expenses in the first town. So they might be there for a while.

Kazuma ends up with two more members in his crew including a witch named Megumin that uses explosive magic and a masochistic crusader named Lalatina Dustiness Ford (or Darkness for short). But don’t get too excited! Megumin’s magic can only be used once a day, wiping away her energy. And while Darkness has a mean sword, she misses every time with it. So yeah, this is a rag-tag team of useless dopes. Let’s watch the wacky misadventures of Kazuma, Aqua, Megumin, and Darkness as they go on missions, drink until they puke, explode castles, and steal underwear.

Yes, Kazuma occasionally does this.

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: Crunchyroll has been able to bless the masses with an English dub. Can’t let FUNimation have all the Isekai hits. So far it’s been alright and I’m hearing more Erica Mendez and Cristina Vee. All good things here! Plus it gives me a chance to hear the voices of Kazuma, whom up to this point I have minimal time listening to either person who plays him. And annoying as Aqua may be, Faye Mata does a really good job with that range Sora Amamiya set in the original. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

JAPANESE CAST: *Kazuma is played by Jun Fukushima (known for Naruko on Yowamushi Pedal and Makoto on Fruits Basket 2019)

*Aqua is played by Sora Amamiya (known for Touka on Tokyo Ghoul, Chizuru on Rent A Girlfriend, Miia on Monster Musume, Yachiyo on Magia Record, Akame on Akame ga Kill, and Elizabeth on Seven Deadly Sins)

*Megumin is played by Rie Takahashi (known for Emilia on Re:Zero)

*Darkness is played by Ai Kayano (known for Alice on SAO: Alicization, Menma on Anohana, Nana on Golden Time, Ryouko on Food Wars, Itsuwa on Index, Yukika on My Love Story, and Mayaka on Hyouka)

ENGLISH CAST: *Kazuma is played by Arnie Pantoja (known for Watchdog-Man on One Punch Man and Kanbarry on Re:Zero)

*Aqua is played by Faye Mata (known for Rin on Love Live, Aluminum Siren on Sailor Moon Stars, Yukako on Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Pt. 4, Frederica on Re:Zero, and a bitch on Shield Hero)

*Megumin is played by Erica Mendez (known for Ryuko on Kill la Kill, Haruka/Sailor Uranus on Sailor Moon S [redub], Raphtalia on Shield Hero, Retsuko on Aggretsuko, Nico on Love Live, and Emma on The Promised Neverland)

*Darkness is played by Cristina Vee (known for Homura on Madoka Magica, Rei/Sailor Mars on Sailor Moon, Mio on K-ON, Sakura on Fate/Stay Night UBW, Kotori on Love Live, and Kanaria on Rozen Maiden: Traumend)

FAVORITE CHARACTER: Darkness is best girl, don’t at me!

SHIPPING (sorta): Can we just all agree that Darkness is just a sober version of Cheryl from Archer?

Whoever ends up with her will end up choking her either because she tells you to or she annoys you with her masochistic nature! I seriously do not know how you want me to turn this shipping discussion into anything other than a comment about a bitch getting choked.

ENDING TO SEASON ONE: Kazuma has been able to get a little good luck in his other world as he was finally able to move out of the stables and into a house with the rest of his crew. Although, it didn’t come easy! Then again, what has in this series? In the final episode of the first season, all of the adventures of the town were called to take on a scary foe. Up to this point, we’ve seen these guys take out mutant cabbages and an idiot dullahan. Today we’ve got…

A giant, mechanical spider!

Why do the stupidest stories always rely on a giant, mechanical spider? Kazuma and the rest were able to stop the spider from moving. However, this monstrosity is set to explode and the impact could take out the entire town. Darkness wants to repay the town for all it has done for her and her family. The adventurer men want to repay the town because of all the succubus taverns they love. And Kazuma just wants to continue his journey so he can take out the demon king. Now, because Megumin already used her explosion magic for the day, she’s down for the count. But she was able to do it a second time thanks to Kazuma transferring some magic from Aqua through his spell and with a little help from Wiz. The day is saved, Kazuma and his crew got a hefty reward, and then Kazuma is immediately charged with treason for sending the evidence to a higher up and it exploded.

Believe it or not, but a lot of these quests end with a giant middle finger to them. Almost like Curb Your Enthusiasm!

EPISODE 11: The special episode that followed came with some more misfortune for Kazuma. A trip to Wiz’s shop ends with a choker around Kazuma’s neck that’s going to strangle him in three days if his wish doesn’t come true. So to figure out what Kazuma’s wish is, Kazuma has all of these girls fulfill his greatest desires in the hopes of one of these humiliating tasks will release Kazuma from the choker.

As you can guess, because this is an OVA, it will be filled to the brim with degeneracy compared to the television series. Fuck yeah it was! Kazuma used this opportunity to use Wiz’s tits as comfy pillows, have Megumin play “Strip Rock/Paper/Scissors” with Yunyun, have Aqua fetch him food, and watch Darkness jiggle her breasts. Even when he thought he was at death’s door, he uses this special time to tell each girl with him at this dramatic moment that they are nothing more than tits and ass. All except for Aqua! No love for her. Not even a pity erection! So when the spell on the choker was released due to a simple wish, Kazuma was then killed by Aqua and quite possibly everyone else and Kazuma was sent back to the goddess chamber as he learned a powerful lesson.

Don’t ever do that again!

Damn…Kazuma died 3 times so far in 11 episodes. Subaru got you beat by a country mile. He’s probably looking at you like, “You damn, lucky dumbass. I got frozen, shanked, stabbed, sliced, maced, and eaten by bunnies”.

SEASON TWO: As I mentioned at the end of season one, Kazuma is charged with treason and usually that comes with a death sentence. Unfortunately for Kazuma, his unintentional crime was against this big, fat, smelly noble who has many higher-ups wrapped around his finger. The townspeople can’t really help him out otherwise they’d risk being charged as well. And you have a prosecutor wanting Kazuma’s head on a pike not only for the major charge, but for being a pervert. The writing is on the wall, Kazuma is screwed. However, thanks to Darkness (and her family lineage) she was able to take one for the team by saving Kazuma (for now) and have that big, fat, smelly noble do God knows what to her. Also, the kingdom repossessed a lot of things from Kazuma’s crew.

So they’re worse than “square one” at this point. They’re at “square -57” with how much debt they’ve all accumulated.

ENDING TO SEASON TWO: Things are starting to look up for Kazuma and his crew. They were able to abolish their debt, got the treason charges lifted, and they were able to gain back some respect around the village. So what better way to celebrate then to go on a bit of vacation. The gang decided to head off to another town for some rest and relaxation. Unfortunately, the town they spent their time off at is full of religious wackos. And what I mean by religious wackos, I mean WORSE than Jehova Witnesses, Evangelical Christians, and the Heaven’s Gate cult all rolled into one.

…Okay, I’m obviously embellishing here. I just really fucking hate all of those ones I just mentioned. This cult is so fucking annoying! At every turn they’re trying to convert Kazuma, Megumin, and Darkness into their fold.

Oh wait, it gets better! This cult worships the goddess Aqua! And of course our favorite idiot Aqua was using this to her advantage. That is until a priest didn’t believe her, starting a chain reaction with the townsidiots all leading up to them chasing Kazuma and crew out with pitchforks and fire. Apparently, Aqua did a big no-no by purifying the hot spring water and now it’s just regular water.

Unfortunately at that same time, a general to the dark lord was in area poisoning all of the water in this town. Yeah, this guy is serious trouble since he’s on a higher level than Wiz (back when she was working under the demon king). But he’s a slime and works with poison. In this world, Kazuma doesn’t stand a chance. Surprisingly, this battle went well (albeit Kazuma dying inside the slime), but we got to see Aqua at her baddest of ass. Now you’d think the town would be grateful to Kazuma and his team for ridding them of a demon king general. Hahaha, never trust religious nutjobs! They still found fault with Aqua purifying their hot springs and they were thrown out.

In the 11th episode (or second side-story), Kazuma thought he was meeting a new fan in town. So he regales her with tales of his expoditions to woo her. Turns out the girl is a new member of the local tavern and one of her jobs is to listen to useless adventurers to boost their morale. And this girl was totally not digging Kazuma. I think this hurt Kazuma more than all the times he’s died in this series.

MOVIE: We head off to the land where Megumin and Yunyun were born and raised. While there was some miscommunication into if the town and their families were in trouble to begin with, trouble sure found Kazuma and the gang once they arrived. Another general of the demon king ends up causing quite a stir in the town. Sylvia was extra hard to take down in this story. Just when you thought she was dead, she returns from death’s door and brings the poison slime from season two and the dullahan from season one to wreck havoc all across the land. Luckily, Kazuma, his crew, Wiz, Yunyun, and the rest of the townspeople were able to put an end to Sylvia and her cohorts.

But man, Kazuma got some really shitty deals in this movie. His trashy and perverted reputation isn’t any better. Megumin’s father wanted to kill him. Megumin’s mother locked Kazuma and Megumin in a room together in hopes of doing the nasty, was messed with by a chimera of two genders, and was killed in a gruesome way that even the angels had to throw up when they saw the state of Kazuma.

On a positive note, Megumin seemed to have grown a little with this adventure as she was even thinking of putting her explosive magic on hold and give a whirl at other options. But she still gave a giant explosion that’s worth 120 points.

Konosuba was amusing. Definitely worth a few chuckles! I know it won’t be for everyone as comedy in anime can often be hit-or-miss. But the combination of characters with many quirks, the animation, the setting, the tasks, and misunderstandings, you’ve got yourself an anime version of Curb Your Enthusiasm. So…yeah, not for everyone, hit-or-miss! But in the big five isekai animes, this one is a little more light compared to some of the others. Overlord can get quite gory. Shield Hero will anger any sane person to a point of madness. And Re:Zero is just a misery blanket! Konosuba is that light-hearted comedy where sometimes the main protagonist dies horrificly in battle, but will return like Kenny from South Park. So if Shield Hero and Re:Zero depress you, maybe you might need a break with the silly, zany antics of Kazuma’s crew in Konosuba.

Results may vary on your views of Aqua.

If you would like to watch Konosuba, the entire series is available on Crunchyroll. That’s the first season, second season, both OVA’s, and the movie in several different languages!

Okay, let’s pick our next Netflix, Crunchyroll, or Amazon exclusive!

Alright! An anime like Black Lagoon if it involved gay boys! Banana Fish time.

[is0gild]

Ice Cream and Fire Oven Pizza - Chapter 19

Pairing: Elsa x Lea/Axel || Side Pairing: Riku x OC

Summary: Modern AU. She's an introvert ball of nerves who works at Ice Palace, a mall food court ice cream shop. He's the outgoing, sassy goofball who works at the Pizza Planet across the way. Hilarity, snark, and fluffy romcom hijinks ensue.

Word Count: 9,165

FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

Credit for super friggin’ cute and super friggin’ amazing cover art goes to the super friggin’ talented ky-jane here on tumblr!

Neverland, as I was currently discovering, was a huge indoor playground at the Dusk Town Center mall. A place where children never had to grow up, or so its big overhead sign boasted. Its vast range of diversions for the little ones included such attractions as a jungle gym in the shape of a large comical skull, a huge green plastic alligator that had a slide built into its long back, and monkey bars supported at either end by large, spooky prop trees. Off in one corner, there were even synthetic, cute yet culturally problematic teepees for the tiny tots to crawl around and hide in. But its crowning jewel seemed to be the kiddie train that ran along the tracks circling the entire play area. Each of its carts were actually little pirate ships that could fit one child in it, maybe two if they were really little.

Since the playground was in the middle of a wide open mall walkway, many stores surrounded it, such as an antique shop by the name of Cave of Wonders. Beyond the rusty brass lamps in its window and past an old, tacky purple carpet draping off a shelf, a friendly young woman with long black hair tied back into a two-sectioned ponytail and wearing a turquoise crop top could be seen running the counter.

Next door to that was Game-A-Saurus Rex, a video game store sporting a green t-rex mascot as part of its logo. An absolute giant of an employee with messy brown hair was currently setting up a display pyramid but his meaty, clumsy hands accidentally knocked it over, wrecking it. I got the feeling this wasn't the first time from the look of being one hundred percent done he was receiving from his silver haired coworker with mismatched eyes.

Neighboring them, I was a bit surprised to discover there was even an Esmerelda's Secrets here as well, a… ahem, lingerie store, to use a more PG term. I found its location so near to the play area to be a bit of a questionable mall layout choice.

I sighed, paper bag lunch crinkling in my grip as I glanced around.

Where was he?

"Are you sure this is where he told you he wanted to meet up?" Kristoff asked beside me, his eyes scanning about as well. Thankfully, he'd forgiven me by now for the minor phone-hurling fiasco and we were back on speaking terms again.

"Positive," I fished my mobile out of my pocket with my free hand, rereading Lea's text asking me to head to Neverland once my lunch break had started.

Since I'd never heard of it before, I'd asked Kristoff (him being the closest person at hand since he'd been working the Ice Palace registers with me) if he'd known what it was. I figured he could at least point me in the right direction, which would be faster than looking at a mall directory. Instead, since he was getting off shift the same time I was going on lunch, he'd offered to walk me there, saying it was on his way anyway.

But now here we were and a certain redhead was nowhere to be seen.

"Bah, I'm sure he'll turn up any second now," Kristoff shrugged off with a laugh. I said nothing, just continued to frown down at my phone before raising my eyes to take another look around. Shoving one of his hands into his pocket while he used the other to ruffle the hair at the back of his head, Kristoff said, "So… your sister…"

"Anna? What about her?" I muttered distractedly, gaze still jumping from face to unfamiliar face. Come on, Lea was a friggin' mountain with hair like a beacon that could light a path home for even the most wayward of lost ships. The guy should have been sticking out like a sore thumb.

He pursed his lips to one side, slightly widened eyes darting about now. "She's… well, she's really… neat." I blinked, slowly looking over at him now. He stiffened, then gave a weak chuckle, "Did I say neat? Not neat, I meant, ah… pretty!" His face blanched. "Pretty… pretty, pretty swell, that is! Yeah, a real bangarang," insert his wince here, "gal that, uh... that's really, er…"

Annnnnd now he was blushing. What was with him, anyway? It was so unlike him to be getting all tongue-tied and-

Oh.

Oh dear. I knew what this was.

Someone had a crush.

Ugh, why did I have to be the one to break his heart by telling him my sister was already in a relationship?

"...anyway," his voice cracked and he coughed, beating a fist to his chest before trying again. "Anyway, what I'm trying to say, or… rather ask is... would you know if, ah… is... is she seeing any-" his idly wandering gaze landed on something past me and he froze, words dying on his tongue. Then his eyelids drooped. "...I think I found your boyfriend."

My brow furrowed at the face he was making before I turned on my heel, following his gaze.

I heard them before I saw them. Cheerful whoops and hollers echoing from the plastic tunnel over the railroad tracks, heralding the emerging train of pirate ships. Then there they were: Lea and Roxas, taking up a full boat each as the locomotive chugged along, their hands thrown up high over their heads as they cackled in almost maniac glee. The two kids in the cart behind them - a carrot top boy in a green cap embroidered with a red feather logo and a little blonde girl wearing toy fairy wings - were giving them funny looks.

I spluttered, my fingers shooting up to smother and hide the grin I was fighting. This was behavior I did not want to encourage.

There he was, ladies and gentlemen. My bad-boy boyfriend in all his glory.

I hope the Duke's spy wasn't here to witness this.

Scratch that, I'd rather no one were here to witness this.

"Those goddamn morons have been at this for over ten minutes now," I heard a grumble from a familiar voice close by. I looked to my right to discover Xion standing there, watching them with a scowl and one eye twitching. As the train drew near, she called out flatly, "Oh yeah, looking real classy there, guys!"

"We're posh as fuck!" Lea replied smugly with a pinky raised, heedless of what nearby young and impressionable ears might overhear. Then his eyes drifted past her to notice me for the first time. His already beaming face did the impossible and brightened even further. As his little pirate ship choo-chooed its way past us, he cried out, "There you are, El! 'Bout time! We're celebrating!"

"El? Who's El? No, you must have me mistaken for someone else. I don't know you," I shook my head, taking a step back. "Quick, let's get out of here," I hissed to Kristoff, snatching his arm with one hand and using the other to hide my face as I tried to make a hasty retreat.

"Oh-ho, no ya don't! You're not getting away that easily!" I heard Lea laugh behind me. I hazarded a quick glance over my shoulder to see him struggling to get out of the cart - he was wedged in there pretty good, seeing as how those boats were never meant to withstand a man of his considerable stature. However, he finally managed to wiggle himself free and jump off the moving kiddie train, stumbling over the railing surrounding it and leaving poor Roxas behind looking quite distraught at having been abandoned.

Then he was charging towards me and I spun around to face him, defensively throwing my hands up in front of me. "Got ya!" he declared triumphantly, snagging me by the waist, my arms instinctively going to hug his neck as he lifted me up and spun me around a couple times.

What was even happening?

"Right," Kristoff said. Don't ask me how, but I could distinctly hear the eyeroll in his voice. "I think I'm gonna go now."

He walked off and I frowned after him as Lea put me back down, though his arms still kept me trapped against him. Then I shrugged. Kristoff's wee crush would have to be a problem for another day. Looking up at Lea, I shook my head with a barely suppressed smile, "What has you so giddy?"

"I got my test grade back today," he chirped, nuzzling his nose to mine for all the crowded mall to see.

"Your test?" I cocked my head at him. Then it clicked. "Oh, the one I helped you study for? You passed?"

"Passed nothing, I aced that sucker! Made it my bitch and it was all thanks to you!" And with that, he was hoisting me up for another twirl.

"Dude, what the hell?!" a shout suddenly rang out across the mall before Roxas came bursting out of the press of shoppers, sneakers screeching to a halt in front of us as he glared at Lea. "Can't believe you just ditched me like that! I looked like a total dumbass riding that thing all by myself!"

"Oh sure," Xion deadpanned at his side, "cuz you looked like a regular Einstein before as a grown-ass man riding around in the widdle choo-choo train with another grown-ass man."

Roxas crossed his arms and stuck his nose up in the air with a harrumph. "You're just jelly cuz we didn't invite you."

She scoffed, "You didn't invite me cuz I turned you guys down the last ten times you tried to drag me onto that dumb thing because I didn't want to look stupid."

"Your face looks stupid!"

Xion lunged at him, but Lea had already put me down and was snagging them both by the scruff of their shirt collars, dragging them apart from each other. He sighed, "Kiddos, please, would you start acting like the grown-ups that you are?"

Said the adult man who'd just been joyriding in the kiddie train.

Seriously, how were these three even college students? They all acted like a bunch of preschoolers.

"Ha, fat chance with this dope," Xion snerked, reaching across to flick Roxas in the forehead.

"Why you-" he broke free of Lea's grasp. Xion gasped and managed to squirm loose herself, bolting and squealing with laughter as she disappeared into the crowd, Roxas hot on her heels.

"Oi, kids these days. I give up," Lea grumbled, shaking his head and tossing his hands up in defeat. "Now where were we?" Looking back at me, his eyes lit up. "Ah yes," he bent forward, bringing us nose to nose with a tiny smirk, "my reward."

Both eyebrows shot up my forehead and I staggered back a bit. "Your… reward?"

"Mm-hm!" he nodded, grin twitching wider. "For kicking that test's ass, I get a reward! It's standard girlfriend protocol."

I blinked, "...it is?"

"Didn't ya read your dating handbook?"

...there's a handbook?!

Wait. No. That was just a joke.

And wishful thinking on my part.

Because I mean, seriously, how much easier would my life be right now if I could consult a handbook?

That aside, I had to get back to the matter at hand: some kind of reward for Lea. Which was my duty as the girlfriend. Apparently. What did that even entail? What was it supposed to be? What was I supposed to do? My face paled and my hands clenched. This was too much responsibility to be thrust onto me all of a sudden! What, was I supposed to buy him something? Or… maybe this was this another PDA situation? I mean, I hadn't made a move in that department since the roller rink a couple days ago. If tripping and crashing into him even counted. Which, personally, I was still chalking up as one for the win column. Had to take my small victories wherever I could! That said… perhaps it was high time I gave it another go?

Yes. Okay. I was going to do this. This… I was going to do.

My gaze hardened and my nostrils flared slightly as I started taking deep, sharp breaths, psyching myself up.

I got this. No more putting it off. Be strong! Be brave! Carpe diem! Seize the day! Grab the bull by the horns! Strike while the iron's hot!

Lea snerked, straightening up, "Woah, El, your face! Relax! I'm kidding! Just teasing ya like I always-"

YOLO!

I dropped my lunch bag, grabbed his head in both hands, yanked him down and kissed him.

...on the nose.

Way to bury the lead there, I know.

But hey, it still counted! Let me have this!

I held it for the space of a few thundering heartbeats before I pulled back, releasing his face and doing my best to ignore the slight jitters I felt from the adrenaline surge.

Lea was stock-still and just giving me a blank, wide-eyed stare.

Huh… not the reaction I was expecting.

A few long seconds ticked by where nothing happened. My eyes darted about nervously. Then I slowly, awkwardly picked my lunch sack back up off the floor. And still nothing from him. Nada. Not one peep.

Should… should I say something?

That's when he jolted upright (startling me half to death, I might add) and brought both his hands up to cup his nose, spinning around so his back was to me now.

Okay, really, really not the reaction I was expecting. At all. Just what-

Then it hit me.

I hadn't asked his permission first! And after he'd been so careful with me all this time too! Apparently I couldn't even return the favor! Fudge, this was like the Kissident all over again. Except worse! At least then, it'd been an accident. This time I'd done it on purpose! This was premeditated! Not to mention this now made me a repeat offender! A… a serial kisser! Would my reign of smooching terror never cease?

Anxiety eating up at me now like a swarm of angry ants in the pit of my stomach, I bit down on my bottom lip and took a hesitant step forward. "Lea?" I asked, my voice small. "Did I do something wrong or-"

"Nope! No, it was good. Really, really good," he said quickly, voice tight and muffled still by his hands. Then I heard him puff out a slow breath, watched his arms fall to his sides and he whipped around towards me once more, huge smile splitting his face in two. "So good, in fact, it's high-five worthy. Whaddya say, wanna high-five? Let's high-five." He held his palm up in front of me. I wordlessly stared back at him, arching an eyebrow. He was being weird, even for him. And why was he talking so fast? He hastily dropped his hand, "Not high-five. Forget that. That's stupid. We should, uh… we should go. Wanna go? Let's go."

As he snagged my free hand in his and tugged me into a walk beside him, I tipped my head to the left and uncertainly gave him some side-eye. "...where are we going?"

Seemingly already recovered, his grip shifted to instead hook our pinkies together as he shot me a wink. "Where all couples sneak off to whenever they have a lil free time. Somewhere dark, secret and secluded so," here he raised his voice for all to hear over the mall hub-bub, "we can make out!"

My feet faltered and I stumbled, barely catching myself as my face spontaneously broke out into its best impersonation of a tomato. "M-make out?!"

He snorted, bending close to my ear and whispering, "Calm down, only said it for show. We'll just find some place to lay low until your lunch is over and let the gossip mill churn." Straightening back up to his full height, he beamed, "Sound good, my knuddelbärchen?" A crease formed between my eyebrows and he chuckled. "Go on, ask. Ya know ya want to."

I sighed, "And knuddelbärchen is…?"

"German for cuddle bear," he pinched my cheek.

"No."

"You can sleep on it, then get back to me."

I rolled my eyes but held my tongue as I continued to let him lead the way to wherever it was we were going. It wasn't long before we entered a part of the mall I was more familiar with and he turned us down the deserted wing that was under construction. Ah, back to the clocktower then, was it? So be it.

Once the locked door was picked and we were inside, I started to head for the stairs but he stopped me with a hand on my elbow. At my questioning look, he said, "Dunno where the kiddos disappeared off to. They may have beat us to the punch and could be up there already, which'll totally bust our whole fake make-out sesh. Better to just hide out down here instead."

"Alright," I nodded as he released my arm.

And there it was again. That strangeness that seemed to hang in the air whenever we were alone together now. Whenever we didn't have to put on the act of being in a relationship. I was now so used to him lacing our fingers together every chance he got that when he didn't this time, instead opting to stuff his hands into his pockets with a grin and a soft "heh," my own hand almost felt… slighted? Bereft? Sad? Could hands even feel sad? Well, whatever the hand equivalent of sadness was, it felt that.

There were a couple large, dusty crates stored in here with us at the bottom of the clocktower. I stepped over to one, gingerly dusting off the surface before setting my paper bag down on top of it. Then I cleared my throat and looked to him with a small, timid smile. "This whole rent-a-boyfriend thing is really becoming a full time job now, isn't it? Sorry… to be wasting your time like this. I'm sure there are better ways you'd be preferring to spend it rather than stuck here with me."

Lea blinked at me, then huffed out a breath of a laugh. "Hey, you already forgetting whose idea it was for us to steal away on our own like this? Ya got nothing to be sorry for. I like this, it's fun! 'Sides," he moved to stand in front of me, leaning one shoulder against the wooden support beam there that was holding up the decrepit old staircase above us, "it's not a waste. I'm a big fan of my El time. Love having any excuse to hang out with ya and have you all to myself."

Cue heart spasm.

Dropping my gaze and tugging my Ice Palace cap down to hide my warming cheeks, I zeroed in on opening my lunch bag with far more acute focus than was absolutely necessary. Let's see what Mama Rayne had packed for me today, inquiring minds were simply dying to know. To him, I just mumbled, "To each their own, I guess."

"So…" he reached a hand out, index finger flicking the bill of my hat back up so he could meet my eyes when he smirked, "...you kissed me."

All color drained from my face.

Crud. Was hoping this wouldn't come up.

"I'm sorry!" came bursting out of me.

His head rocked back before he snorted and sighed, "You apologize too much, ya know that? Fine, I'll bite. What're you sorry for now?"

"I should've asked if that was okay before I did it!" I took off my cap, wringing it between my hands. "I overstepped, I shouldn't have just assumed! I hope I didn't freak you out or make things awkward or uncomfortable or, or weird or-"

"Woah, woah, slow down," he chuckled, holding up his hands. "Ya got nothing to worry about. I was totally, one hundred and ten percent cool with it!"

My eyebrows knit together. "Really?" I frowned, absently setting the hat down on the box. "But you seemed so… I thought I might've upset you or-"

"Upset? Nah, not even a lil bit! Surprised, maybe, cuz I never in a million years expected you to, ah… heh…" he paused, pursing his lips to the right as he dragged his hand along the nape of his neck. Then he closed his eyes in a grin, "How 'bout this? This, right here, right now, is me giving you the okay to do whatever you want to me from now on in order to maintain your girlfriend cover. Anything goes, got it?"

Eyes growing round, I stammered, "A-anything?"

He couldn't be serious! Anything was a lot. Anything was… well, anything.

"Yup, anything! Don't hold back. Just feel free to go to town on me."

This was too much power. Do not want. Take it back.

"I, uh…" What does one even say to that? "O-okay… thanks?" Was this something I should be thanking him for? Seemed like a weird thing to thank him for. This whole discussion just seemed weird, period. Concentrating on my packed lunch once more, I pulled out a ziplock of baby carrots. "...I don't think I'll be, er… going to town on you any time soon though, but the offer is, ah…" Is what? "...appreciated?" Sure, let's go with that.

"Shame," Lea tsked under his breath, then snerked as his hand shot up to block the carrot I threw at him. "Kidding, kidding! Still, just know that door's always open, in case ya ever wanna put on a bit of a show for any audience we might have. I won't be bothered. Promise."

"I'll keep that in mind," I muttered, taking out a second carrot to nibble on as I averted my gaze. Was ready to talk about something else now.

"Still, fact of the matter remains," one corner of his lips curled up, "you kissed me."

Gah! Would he stop saying that already!

A soft harrumph. "Only on the nose."

"One lucky nose!" He hunched forward slightly, pointing at it, "I'll have you know I'm never gonna wash this puppy ever again."

I snorted, setting the ziplock down on the box and reaching back into the paper sack to see what other goodies it contained. "Be serious."

"I am! Wouldn't wanna lose the divine blessing you've bestowed upon it on this fine day!"

Biting back a smile now as I continued to root around in the bag, I shook my head. "Does this mean that you also haven't washed your lips since the-" I abruptly froze, eyes widening and mouth clamping shut.

There was a pause, then I could see out of my peripheral the slow cheshire grin spreading across Lea's face. "Go on, since the…?"

Since the Kissident, was what I'd been about to say.

I knew it.

He knew it.

But did I have the guts to actually power through and finish that sentence?

Frantic fingers grabbing the first thing they could out of the lunch sack, I shoved it into his face with a weak laugh, "Chocolate pudding cup?"

Nope. I sure as heck most certainly did not.

Elsa, Queen of the Skillful and Seamless Subject Change.

"Oo!" he chirped in delight, taking it. Well, he was easily distracted. That, or he was just being nice and letting me off the hook. Probably the latter. "A nose kiss and pudding? Big day!"

With a soft, relieved sigh through my nostrils, I fished out a plastic spoon to hand him as well. "Don't forget about the train ride too. Big day indeed… do you and Roxas do that often?"

Having already torn into it and taken a spoonful into his mouth, he swallowed. "Not really. Only for special occasions. Wouldn't wanna cheapen the experience."

My eyes crinkled. "Because it's already so sophisticated and highbrow to begin with," I said, forgoing the PB and J sandwich at the bottom of the bag for now and instead opting to pull out some string cheese. Removing the wrapper, I asked, "Passing an exam counts as a special occasion?"

"Only the hard as balls ones that can make or break my overall grade for the course," he shrugged, scooping out some more pudding and offering it to me, to which I just shook my head.

"Ah," I rested one hip against the crate, peeling off a thin strip of mozzarella and slipping it into my mouth. "How many years do you have left on your degree anyway?"

"Couple more. Though I hear if I'm a model student, they'll let me graduate early for good behavior."

"Don't think that's how it works," I hummed a low laugh. "Then after that… what was it again? ...a nice little ice cream shanty by the seashore, I believe?"

Lea grinned around his spoon, "Something like that."

Pulling off another strand, I hesitated with a slight frown. "...but why ice cream?" At his cocked head and raised eyebrows, I worried my lower lip between my teeth. How to phrase this? "...it's just been something I've been wondering about actually. What with your mother dropping you off at an ice cream shop before she, ah... split when you were so little, I would have thought it would just be a… a source of bad memories, is all."

He snorted, looking down at his spoon as he swirled it around in the chocolate goop. "S'not the ice cream's fault my deadbeat mom abandoned Saïx and me when we were kids. She's taken a lot from me, I won't let her take that too. 'Sides, also got a lotta good memories tied to ice cream. Fun times with friends and whatnot. It's nice that something so simple can bring a smile to people's faces and I just like the idea of being a part of that. Sounds silly, I know, but what can I say?" He thrust the now heavily pudding-laden utensil up high in the air, "I have a calling! And answer it I must!"

I brought a curled finger to my lips, hiding the tiny smile. "Some calling. You still haven't even guessed which one's my favorite yet."

"Told ya, it's a process," he stuck the spoon into his mouth, holding it there as he squinted thoughtfully. "Speaking of… lessee, what other flavors haven't come up yet… ah! Three Wishes?" he asked, pointing the plastic implement at me. Then he scoffed, "Yeah right. Way too gimmicky with all that blue cotton candy. It's trying too hard. Classy and effortless is more your speed."

My smile ticked wider as my fingers plucked further at the string cheese. "Are we still even talking about ice cream anymore?"

"Course! Trust me, I've got this down to a science. I know my shit."

"If you say so," I gave a soft snort. "You really have me at the edge of my seat here. I can't wait to see which one you finally land on."

"Me neither. I'm just as much on this journey as you are," he chuckled, tossing the now empty cup onto the crate alongside the paper bag. Propping one shoulder against the post again, he looked down and scratched his cheek. "...hey, so, ya free in a couple nights? Saïx's been wanting to meet my new lady friend and suggested we have you over for dinner."

Finishing the last of my own snack, I quirked an eyebrow at him. "He knows you have a lady friend?"

"Wasn't hard for him to guess since I've been out all night a lot recently, what with your couch being my new home away from home."

"Oh." My fingers reached for a tendril of my ponytail to twist as I mulled for a second. "Yeah, I suppose… I don't have any closing shifts coming up for a while, so I'm free for the next few nights. Just let me know when."

"Sweet! We can see this as a test run of sorts. Practice for the big weekend with your folks and-" he suddenly fell silent, head jerking to his right. I blinked, confused. Then I heard it too. This soft rattling coming from the doorknob - the telltale sounds of a lock being picked. "Crap! The kiddos! Hide," Lea hissed, grabbing my shoulders and shoving us both beneath the staircase, my back hitting the wall behind me.

The door burst open. I didn't so much see it since the stairs were now between me and it, blocking my line of sight, but I heard it along with the echoing laughter of two very familiar voices. As it slammed shut again and the staircase began to quake from feet running up it hard, I heard Xion ask, "Think we'll find them up there?"

"Probably." That was Roxas. I turned my head to the left, watching through the slats between the steps as his sneakers blurred past. "Giving each other tonsillectomies, no doubt."

My face heated as I realized they were talking about Lea and me.

But good news! Lea's plan was working. People thought we were off somewhere, er... shall we say, necking.

Or at the very least, those two thought so anyway.

I heard a snigger from Xion as her boots rushed past the gap not too far behind him. "Perfect. Let's scare them shitless."

They both cackled and tried to shush each other at the same time as I heard their thudding footsteps fade further and further away above us. Once I was certain they were gone, I puffed out the breath I'd been holding.

That's when I became aware of several things. Very, very aware.

Aware of the familiar feeling of Lea's eyes on me. Aware of how close we were. Of his grip still on my shoulders. Of my hands on his chest. Of the gentle thud of his heartbeat beneath my fingertips. Of his warm, spicy boy scent. Of his body pressed to mine, pinning me to the wall still from his rush just seconds ago to get us both out of sight. Of the fact that I could still sense his gaze on me.

Oh gosh, was there something on my face?

I slowly turned my head to look up at him and meet his eyes. He had that look in them again that I'd seen once or twice before. The one that made my insides twist and flip-flop.

Emergency! This is not a drill, people! Fetch the conceal-don't-feel armor and suit up, stat! I repeat, this is not a drill!

The slightest hint of a grin tugged at the corner of his lips and when he spoke, his voice was low. Barely above a whisper. "You know what would… really sell this make-out sesh? ...if right along here..." he ran the tip of his index finger along the side of my neck down to where it met my shoulder, so lightly I hardly felt it, his eyes following its trail the whole time, "...there was a hickey. Maybe two or three. Ya know… just for appearances, of course..."

I just stared at him for a second. Then two. Then I smiled, "That's a great idea!"

He looked taken aback, his gaze widening. "Wait, really?!"

"Of course! Did you bring any makeup with you?" I asked. He just gave me a blank look. "You know, like your guyliner. Do you have anything else? Something that could make the fake marks look convincing?"

He blinked a couple times. "Makeup… right… that's what I meant… heh..." his eyes darted to the left. "But shoot, you know what? Didn't bring any with me." A slow smirk stretching across his face now, he bent down to press his forehead to mine as his eyes hooded, "But hey... we could also always make 'em the old fashioned way."

Once more I stared, expression neutral.

Processing… processing…

Then my eyelids drooped. "...you're messing with me again, aren't you?"

Lea stiffened. Then he relaxed, straightening back up and bracing an elbow against the wall above my head, resting his brow to his forearm as his whole body shook with a soft chuckle. "Yup! Yup, you uh… you caught me alright! Totes was."

Conceal-don't-feel armor saves the day once again! If it hadn't been for that, my heart might have exploded in that situation.

Man, was I getting good at deflecting these little jokes of his now or what?

He shifted over and away from me, giving us both some breathing room now. "Do you think maybe we should go somewhere else?" I asked, my gaze drifting up the clocktower as I returned to the crate, repacking my lunch back into its bag and picking up my hat. Thank goodness the "kiddos" hadn't noticed this stuff before dashing upstairs. "Just so Xion and Roxas don't catch us down here?"

"Sure, good call. I gotta few other secret spots 'round this place we can hole up in until your lunch is over." He went to the door, pushing it open a crack so he could peek out.

"Okay," I nodded while waiting for him to make sure the coast was clear. Then I grinned. "You know, you almost had me going back there with the hickies."

"If only," he muttered so softly, I wasn't sure I'd heard correctly.

"Hm?"

His shoulders tensed, then he breathed a feeble laugh as he glanced back at me, "If only… I'd, er... remembered to bring some makeup! Ah well, maybe next time, huh? C'mon, let's go." His hand reached for mine.

I took it and suddenly my hand didn't feel so sad anymore as I let him lead me back out into the mall.

I couldn't sleep.

I rolled over onto my left side, pulling the sheets up to my chin and curling in on myself a bit. Then over to my right. A few seconds ticked by. Then I rested my back to the mattress and frowned up at my bedroom ceiling, at the long thin patch of frail moonlight slashing across it from between the curtains of my window. Sighing, I tossed over onto my side again and tried putting my head beneath the pillow this time, hoping the added darkness and some light hypoxia would do the trick to knock me out.

No such luck.

With another heavy sigh, I sat up, letting the pillow fall back down behind me. I brought a hand up towards one of my earplugs, stopping just short of reaching it as I frowned over at the wall I shared with my roommates. Then I tentatively pulled it out, already preemptively grimacing as the noises I might hear.

Instead my ears were greeted with a very different sound and from a different direction no less. Coming through my closed door from the living room was a faint, hollow murmur of voices. I squinted towards it, tipping my head to one side. Was that… the TV? Tugging the other earplug out, I set both down onto my nightstand as I listened for another minute, my fingers fiddling with my braid. Then folding my sheets away from me, I got out of bed, smoothed my nightgown and crept over to the door to open it.

Lea was sitting on his couch out here, the glow of the television screen the only thing illuminating him in the otherwise dark living room. Since him couch-surfing here was becoming a bit of a habit now, he'd started bringing an overnight bag with him for things like toiletries and the pyjamas he was currently wearing - a black tank top and PJ pants patterned with tiny fireballs sporting evil smiley faces. In fact I think it may have been the same design on the frisbees I'd seen back at his apartment. Some kind of brand logo, perhaps?

His elbows were braced up on the backrest behind him, temple propped against one fist as he watched the screen. He glanced over at me as I stepped out, quirking an eyebrow and lifting his head off his knuckles. "El?"

I gave my braid a tiny tug before dropping my hands and clasping them together, forcing them to be still as I gave him a small smile. "You're up late."

He grinned back. "Yeah. Never really could pass out to total silence," he nodded towards where his own earplugs laid discarded on the coffee table. Then he wrinkled his nose, shooting a sideways glance towards Rayne's and Riku's room. "But shit, you weren't kidding 'bout those two going at it like jackrabbits in there. Had to do something to tune 'em out, so turned on the ol' tube and guess what I found?"

I moved to stand beside him for a better view of the TV. The scene was currently zoomed in on a couple riding in the back row seat of a trolley. The girl was distracted, lost in whatever she was talking about while the guy was reaching his hand over to tuck her hair back, only to awkwardly snatch it away when she suddenly turned to look at him, completely oblivious to the gesture as she continued to enthusiastically ramble on. My smile grew as I took a seat next to Lea. "It's Before Dawn. Imagine that."

"I know. What timing, right?" he hummed a small laugh. We were both quiet for a few seconds, simply watching the movie. Then he nudged my knee with his, "And what brings ya out here in the middle of the night? Other than the pleasure of my charming company, of course."

That earned him a soft snort as I slouched more comfortably into the sofa and picked up one of the small throw pillows, hugging it in my arms. "Trouble sleeping."

"Oh?" he looked over at me, relaxing his hand along the top of the cushions behind my head. "Something on your mind?"

I gnawed on my bottom lip, not taking my eyes off the television even though I wasn't really paying attention to it anymore. "...it's just coming up so fast."

Brow furrowing, he squinted up at the ceiling in thought for a second. "You mean our visit to the parental units?"

My insides churned as I gave a small nod. "It's only a week away now. It doesn't feel like enough time. I don't know if I'll be able to go through with this… if we… if I will be prepared in time… if I'll be able to face them."

"Hey, don't worry 'bout it," he flashed a warm grin. "You and me? We got this. I like to think we've become quite the awesome dynamic duo. Gotten pretty good at this whole girlfriend-boyfriend thing. Got the entire mall buying into our story and if we can fool them, we can fool anyone."

"But it's not anyone," I muttered, squeezing the pillow more tightly to me. "It's Father. And Mother. And..." my face scrunched up, "...the Duke too? ...for some reason? Anyway, tricking Father for a grand total of five minutes was one thing, but now? Now it's my whole family. For a whole weekend. What if they find out?" Oh dear, I could already feel a panic attack coming on just thinking about it. I turned my head, frowning at him. "...what if I can't do this?"

The hand behind me lifted, hesitantly hovering and shifting about for a second before settling on a quick, reassuring pat to my head. "Just say the word and you can pull the plug on this whole op anytime ya want. Don't force yourself to do anything you don't wanna do. But just know you're a lot stronger than you think. And chances are? It won't be as bad as you fear." He poked himself in the side of the head, just above his left ear, "Our brains like to mess with us, tell us things will be a lot worse than they actually turn out to be. And 'sides, you won't be doing this alone. I'll be right there with you the whole weekend. Your sister too. We got your back. You got a support system. Consider us your safety net. We'll be there to pick up the slack and catch you if you fall."

I bowed my head, nose perched on top of the edge of the pillow now. "...thank you. That helps," I muffled into it, my tiny smile hidden. And I meant it. I could already feel some of my unease starting to slip away. Straightening back up and tossing my head back onto the couch, I inhaled deeply before loudly exhaling. "I should just stop thinking about it. Stressing out over it now does me no good. I need to be talking about something else."

"Something else, huh?" he mumbled, eyes returning to the movie as he scratched the tip of his nose. "...so I had a thought. Remember the other day when you said you'd be looking for a new place in a few months when lil Baby Hewley arrived?" His knee started jiggling up and down while out of the corner of my eye, I could see his fingers fidgeting with the seam of the backrest cushions. "Well, what if… and ya know, this would only be if you weren't able to find somewhere on your own and if, like… you had no place else to go and were up shit's creek and whatnot, but… what if you moved in with…" he glanced back my way, "...me?"

I blinked at him. "...you?"

His face brightened. "Yeah, whaddya think? We got plenty of space for ya! It'll be a total blast! And hey, we could even get ya a puppy."

Fighting a grin, I quirked an eyebrow. "A puppy? But what about Saïx?"

"Psh," he brushed off, one hand batting the air. "Saïx can fight me. You want a dog? You're getting a dog, end of story."

I snerked and looked down. Lips pursing to one side, I did a mental replay of what I could remember of when Lea had given me the grand tour of his apartment. "...am I forgetting a third bedroom you guys have?"

"Nah," he shook his head, "just the two. But you can have mine and I'll just… I dunno, sleep on the couch."

"You can't sleep on the couch in your own home," I scoffed.

"Sure I can! I'm actually growing quite accustomed to catching some Z's on 'em. These bad boys are surprisingly comfy," he pat the armrest next to him and beamed. "In fact, dunno if I can ever go back to a lame ol' bed again!"

Rolling my eyes, I said, "I meant because Saïx will see you. Won't he have questions about you sleeping on the sofa every night?"

"Oh. Right," he laughed, fingers ruffling his hair. "Well then I can just… sleep in the room with you. On the floor," he hastily amended. "Yeah, it'll be fun! Like a slumber party every night!"

One side of my lips twitched up as I toyed with the corner of the throw pillow I was still holding snug. "You're sweet, but… no, that'd just be crazy."

"...yeah. Crazy," he averted his gaze with a tiny chuckle. Then he frowned, plucking the short hairs at the nape of his neck. "...is it though? I mean, think about it. It'd be like the next stage of our dating evolution. That's what all couples do sooner or later, right? Move in together?"

"But the baby will be here in, what…" both my eyebrows rose as I stared off into space, "...four more months? Five? I figure we'll have probably staged a breakup by then."

"Breakup?!" he jerked forward in his seat, eyes widening slightly.

I knit my eyebrows together. "Well yeah. You… didn't think we were going to be fake dating forever, right?"

"Well, I…" he hunched forward, propping his elbows on his knees and folding his hands together beneath his nose as he narrowed his gaze on the floor. "...no, I guess not."

I tilted my head at him. Then opened my mouth. Then closed it. I focused on the TV instead. "...I figured… it'd be some time after we visited my parents. Depending on how it goes, of course. Once I was…" I shrugged, gripping the pillow more tightly, "...sure they weren't going to try to interfere with my life anymore. After that… maybe a few more weeks? A month, perhaps? Just so it wouldn't look too quick, too… suspicious or raise questions…"

Why was this so hard? Why did it make my heart squeeze, just a bit? Come on, it's not like it was a real breakup! Besides, this could maybe, possibly, eventually open up the door to actually start something more real with him in the future. If I ever got the guts up to even pursue something like that… whenever he started dating again… which would be when he no longer had to focus on his schoolwork… aka when he graduated...

...in two years…

Why did that suddenly seem like an eternity?

"...yeah," he sighed and slumped back again, his arm returning to its position behind me as he stretched them both out along the backrest once more, "that all makes sense, I guess." His lips were a flat line for a few seconds, but then he grinned over at me. "Tell ya one thing, though. Fake getting over you ain't gonna be easy. Might have to try and fake win you back."

"Oh no," I stifled a soft laugh into my fingers. "Hang on, let me guess… You. In a trenchcoat. Standing in the middle of the bustling food court. Boombox held high over your head and blasting out some old, cheesy love song. That about sum it up?"

He smirked, "Ah, fan of the classics like me, I see. Good guess, but I was actually thinking less John Cusack in Say Anything and more Heath Ledger in 10 Things I Hate About You. Me. With a mic hacked into the food court's overhead speakers. Singing and dancing around on table tops while mall security chases me all over the place."

This big dork really was a sap. That is, if his taste in movies had anything to say about it.

Shaking my head in amusement, I said, "Who's to say you'd even fake want me back? Maybe it's you who ends up fake dumping me."

He huffed out a derisive snort, "Not a chance. I'd never be dumb enough to let someone like you go." I looked away, grateful the light from the TV wasn't bright enough to reveal the gentle warmth spreading into my cheeks. Lea shrugged as he went on, "Now, dumb enough to do something stupid and royally fuck it up so you'd kick my ass to the curb however? Yeah, now that sounds like it'd be pretty on brand for me."

"No, I don't think so," I smiled, resting my chin atop the seam of the throw pillow. "...thanks, Lea. I feel a lot better now. You're a… a really good friend."

Lea was quick to return the smile, "It's what I'm here for!" His gaze went back to the screen and there was a brief pause where the only sound was the low drone from the movie. "So… was that your roundabout way of wishing me a good night?"

"Hmm..." A beat before I shook my head, "Not yet. I think I'd like to stay and watch for a little while longer, if that's alright."

"It's more than alright," the corners of his eyes crinkled as he settled into his seat more comfortably. "It's alright times two."

I'm not sure exactly when it was I nodded off. Last scene I clearly remembered was our leading couple sitting at a restaurant together, their hands miming phones to their ears as they made imaginary calls to one another, so it must have been not too long after that. Next thing I knew I was blinking blearily at the television as it showed the girl now sitting on a bed in a small apartment, serenading the guy with her guitar. They both looked maybe a few years older. Must have been one of the sequels to the first movie. I was less familiar with those. It seemed Lea had stumbled upon some sort of late night marathon.

As consciousness returned to me piece by tiny piece, it slowly came to my attention that there was something... off about the pillow my cheek was resting against. Like the fact that it was oddly firm. And warm. And…

...breathing?

Eyes fully snapping open now, they darted about to realize I'd fallen asleep on Lea. Against his chest, to be exact. Embarrassed and panicking maybe just a smidge, I immediately tried to straighten up and away from him, only to be held firmly in place by the arm - his arm - that was draped heavily around my shoulders. I furrowed my brow over at it. Wha-?

Then he made a noise and I tensed.

Took me several heart-pounding seconds to register that noise for what it was.

A snore.

Puffing out a hushed breath and forcing my muscles to relax, I tentatively, cautiously turned my head to try and look up at him. Didn't work, and it only took me another second to realize why. There was a weight pressing down on the top of my hair that I hadn't really noticed until just now.

He was using my head as a pillow.

Welp. This was quite the predicament I found myself in.

Oh gosh, I just hope we'd fallen asleep roughly around the same time and had just, I don't know... naturally gravitated toward one another in our slumber? If I'd been snuggling up to him like this while he was awake the whole time, I'd never live it down.

Next thing my brain decided to alert me to was the fact that I'd misplaced my throw pillow. I must have dropped it when I'd dozed off for I was pretty sure I could feel it on the floor brushing against my bare feet. But that wasn't the important part. No, the important part was what my hands had decided to do in the wake of its disappearance. Left hand? It was good. Just laying there in my lap, all well behaved and polite-like. The right one, however? Had found its way over to rest atop Lea's knee. The little trollop. Especially considering that one of his hands was currently covering it. Had it no decency? No shame?

I considered my situation for another minute. Then taking a deep breath, I decided to commence with the extraction. Should be easier now that I was fully awake and aware of my circumstances so I could approach it all with a cooler, more level head.

First I used my free hand to gently lift his arm from my shoulder and gingerly set it back down on the couch backrest. Another snore from him and I froze. After a few seconds where nothing else happened however and I was sure I hadn't disturbed him, I then proceeded to bring my hand back up, this time to delicately press my fingertips to his chin.

Careful now, careful… wouldn't want to wake him…

I slowly pushed his head off mine and kept going until it lolled back onto the cushions behind him instead. With nothing left weighing me down now, I crept up onto my feet and peeked back at him to make sure he still snoozed. I was rewarded with yet another soft snore. That was all the confirmation I needed. I turned to make a break for my room.

Victory! Success! Elsa, Queen of The Daring Escape and-

Ack!

...okay, so something had just happened. More precisely, two somethings, both occurring at the exact same time. The first? Was my arm being pulled taut and bouncing me back like a rubber band stretched too tight. I stumbled but caught myself, the carpet muffling any sound I might have made. The second? Now that was just a word. One single, solitary word:

"Stay."

That one word sent my heart catapulting up into my throat as I whipped around to discover Lea had pulled his head up and was now looking straight at me.

Fudge, fudge, fudge, fudge!

...but actually… wait… his eyelids were sagging heavily. Half closed and groggy. His expression slack. And now that I thought about, when he'd spoken, it had come out sounding a little… sluggish? One might even say… drowsy?

...was he still half asleep?

I haltingly raised a hand to wave in front of his face. No reaction. As my shallow breaths began to slow and my heart rate calmed, I next looked down at my other hand to see what the snag had been there. This was the one that had been on his knee with his hand on top of it. Was still on top of it and, in fact, had tightened his grip around my fingers. This was what had snared me and brought my getaway to a screeching halt.

Yeesh, what a clingy sleeper he must be.

I brought my gaze back up to his face. He was still giving me that droopy, zombie-eyed stare. I tucked in my lower lip, studying him for a moment. Then I took a tiny step closer and bent over him slightly. My free hand came up, reaching for him. I froze midway, fingers curling towards my palm, hesitating. But only for a heartbeat before I was pushing forward again.

"Shh… go back to sleep," I whispered, gently stroking his hair just above his ear.

His really, really soft, silky smooth hair.

Which I'd not been expecting. Not at all.

Crud, I shouldn't be blushing this much.

However, it seemed to have the desired effect. His eyelids drifted all the way closed now as his head sank back down into the couch cushion. His hold on my hand relaxed enough for me to slip it free. I straightened back up, rubbing my rescued hand with the other as I watched him sleep for a few more seconds, my head tipping to one side. Then I retrieved the throw pillow from the floor and put it back on the sofa next to him before picking up the comforter to drape over him. It was only now I realized that it was too small for him for if I brought it up to cover his shoulders, it left his feet exposed.

The friggin' behemoth. Why hadn't he said anything? I'd have to see about finding a bigger one for him tomorrow.

I briefly considered turning off the TV but decided against it on the off chance the sudden lack of noise would wake him. Turning, I tiptoed back towards my bedroom, stopping in the doorway for one last backwards glance at him. Still out like a light. A grin pulled at one side of my mouth as I murmured, "Sweet dreams, sleeping beauty."

The only answer I got was a snore.

Author's Note: Our awkward penguin did it! She intentionally "made a move" for the first time, I'm so proud T_T Looks like our fire boi tried to make a bit of a move himself under the clocktower staircase there… with far less successful results xD One step forward, two steps back, huh? *Siiiiigh* ah well, these two will get there eventually :P And this is yet another chapter I lament not writing anything from Lea's POV… so many scenes in my head going on for him off camera that will never see the light of day xD Fun fact: The ice cream this chapter, Three Wishes, is named after (you guessed it) Agrabah's keyblade and I imagine its description on the menu would look something like: "This blueberry flavored soft serve will have you wishing for more! Comes in a blue cone wrapped in a ring of matching blue cotton candy, with lamp-shaped sugar cubes and a sprinkling of extra sugar to top it all off."

Next chapter, with that "make a move" hurdle finally overcome, what's next in our couple's fake dating adventures? Looks like there's a certain dinner with a certain Moon Boy on the horizon, how will this lil "test run" go? Will it be a resounding success or could it spell utter defeat for our pair? Not to mention the weekend with the folks is fast approaching, will our couple be ready in time? And just how DOES Lea fit his behemoth self into those itty-bitty pirate ship train carts? Some things will forever remain a mystery, but for the rest, stay tuned!

Thanks for reading, I super duper appreciate it! And an extra BIG thank you to those of you who’ve liked, reblogged, and followed so far, seeing those lil notifications always brings the biggest, goofiest smile to my face!

FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

[dotdotdottie]

Cats and Dots || Dot & Luce

LOCATION: Ink Inc.

TIME:  Before Bea’s Death

@divineluce

Clicking on her “Bad Ass Bitches” playlist on Spotify, Luce set to work on fixing the absolute shitshow that was Dot’s tattoo. Not only was the placement bad, it looked like a drunk toddler had decided to go to town with a machine. Which is why she was more than happy to be working on it. Nothing was more interesting than fixing a bad tattoo and turning it into something worth showing off. “How the fuck did you wind up with this hot mess? And, you can’t fucking smack me for saying that because I’ll make it worse.” She grinned as she dipped the needles into ink and set to work, bobbing her head along to the beat of the pounding bassline. “Like, love is love, but christ.” She gestured to the god awful rainbow plastered on her hip. “The lines on this are hot garbage.”

The rainbow tattoo had been something Dot got in a frat house in her junior year of college. Her friend had ordered a tattoo gun off the internet and the ink had been sourced from somewhere she had no desire to examine. She didn’t regret the tattoo, it was a funny fucking story and she liked being a dumbass with a rainbow tattoo... But if she was going to make sure everyone going down on her knew she was pretty fucking gay, she wanted it to a nice rainbow. “I got it done by a coked-out frat named Braydon.” She had almost considered eating him afterward, but her colony would have been pissed. She wished she had done it. “I probably could have done it better myself, but it was kinda fun watching him struggle. Hope you know how to make it look less like an idiot did it. I don’t need people to focus on the rainbow when my snatch is out.”

Stories like this weren’t super surprising, especially not when it came to shit tattoos. Luce nodded as she filled in the stencil, a black cat whose body covered the majority of the rainbow. What bits it didn’t, she was planning on incorporating into a rainbow collar around its neck. And besides, even without the collar, it was still gonna be pretty gay. “You know, that doesn’t fucking surprise me in the slightest. Braydon,” She wiped away the excess ink, “Had awful goddamn hands. And, trust me. This is gonna be dope.” Luce grinned, “Definitely a pussy out kind of look.” She laughed. Given the fact she usually tattooed straight, toxic masculinity dudes all the time, it was a goddamn delight to be tattooing someone who wasn’t. And, Dot was cool enough. She was dating Blanche, which honestly sounded like a match made in chaotic heaven.

Listen, Dot didn’t love cats, but she would get one tattooed on her for a pussy joke. Most of her tattoos were jokes anyway. She knew plenty of people thought tattoos had to have meaning but she thought they just had to have a fun story and be cool to look at. “Oh trust me, I know Braydon’s hands were terrible. He’s one of those boys who think the clit is a suggestion instead of required.” She had slept with him a few days later simply because she had been bored out of her mind. “Can’t wait for the summer when I can show it off when I’m at the beach,” She cackled imagining the horrified faces of suburban mothers as they covered their kiddie’s eyes. She liked Luce and if she wasn��t with Blanche, she would have considered trying to smash, but for once Dot didn’t have the desire to cheat. “You got anything fucking weird tattooed on you?”

Letting out a low whistle, Luce shook her head. “Sounds about right. Boys are the fucking worst.” She said, remembering her ill-fated attempts at dating boys in high school. For the most part, they’d been boring and dumb and not terrible to hang out with. But, Jared, he was a fucking time. “Sounds like the dude I slept with back in the day. But, I gotta say, hats off to Jared. He did in fact, turn me gay.” She joked. That had been a hilarious thing for him to realize, when they ran into each other at a house party the year after they graduated. Specifically, when he found her fucking a girl on the side of his house. “Oh, it’ll be a look. And a damn good one at that.” She said as she finished up the tail of the cat. At Dot’s question, Luce laughed and nodded. “Of course I do. This is a good one,” She said and backed up to show Dot one of the tattoos on her ankle. At first glance, it was a normal anchor tattoo with a scroll script around it, the cliche every college girl got. But, the scroll read ‘Fuck your Anchor.’ “A tribute to all the stupid anchor tattoos I have to do.”

“Men are good for two things, paying us and looking pretty,” Dot said with a grin. There was a third, very important thing they were also good for, but she doubted that Luce shared her passion for sinking her fingers in the chests of frat boys and eating their hearts. “Speaking for the community, I thank Jared for his contribution. We’re glad to have such a hot gay with us.” Was she flirting? Yeah, but Dot didn’t think it was terrible to do so. It was a joke after all. She craned her neck a bit to see the progress and grinned, honestly, it looked fucking sick already. She couldn’t wait to show Blanche… And literally anyone else who was willing to look at it. She let out a cackle as she took in Luce’s tattoo. “Wow, what an icon. I hope you make sure everyone sees it when they ask for an anchor tattoo. You get a lot of those stupid mom heart ones?”

“You can say that again.” Luce laughed, thinking back to the random venmo that she’d gotten from Adam. As much of a big dumb frat boy he seemed, the dude was half-way decent. When he wasn’t talking about his crotch goblins or giving her stupid nicknames. That said, Dickcleaver Vural had a nice ring to it. “You’ve got that right. I am, in fact, a gift to the ladies and they-dies of White Crest.” Luce chuckled to herself as she filled in the body of the cat. Was she aware of the tone behind Dot’s words? Yeah, which is why she dug in just a little deeper with her needle. Not enough to blow out the ink, but just enough to remind Dot that she was, in fact, tattooing her. Besides, Luce was a lot of things, but she wasn’t the other woman type. “You know it. Oh, I’d be fucked if I did. Ulf would have my head on a spike if I went flashing that around.” She remarked as she looked at her handiwork. “Nah, most dudes have figured out those are out of style.”

Adam’s venmo had sent Dot into a cackling session that lasted for several minutes. She hadn’t expected anyone to actually send her money, but when she got the notification on her phone, Adam had gained a few brownie points. She gave Luce a mock salute,“Thank you for your service. You should be given a medal of honor.” Her eyes narrowed as the needle dug in deeper, sending a glare Luce’s way. She was pretty sure the tattoo artist was too practiced at this point to change pressure like that. Guess flirting, even jokingly, wasn’t allowed with Luce. “If Ulf doesn’t see it happen, what’s the harm? Some people wouldn’t even read it, I bet.” Even if they did read it, Dot was pretty sure some people would just get it anyway. She laughed,“That’s tragic. I love when I see them, it’s just so funny. Teasing guys about it is so fun.”

“Every lesbian who ever slept with a man should, honestly. Gold star lesbians, my ass. Give me a gold star for having to suffer through forty seconds of super sexy thrusting.” Luce grumbled as she wiped away the last of the excess black ink. Popping over the rainbow array of ink, she dipped her needles in to color after color, filling in the rainbow pattern on the cat’s collar. “The harm is when all the piss babies storm out or write bad Yelp reviews. I’m in customer service,” She pasted a fake smile on her face before rolling her eyes, “I gotta service the customer.” Arching an eyebrow at Dot’s words, Luce couldn’t resist the urge to snicker. “Well, I can tell you this, you can and should make fun of anyone who’s got a terrible tribal. God, 90’s and 2000’s tattooing was the worst.”

“Wow, he lasted a full forty seconds? You had a marathon runner. Most boys out there are one thrust wonders.” Dot loved moments like this where she just got to make fun of men as brutally as she wanted. So many people got uncomfortable when she talked about boys and her sexual experiences with them. “I’ll write you a five star Yelp after this. I’ll even include that I reccomend the lesbian artist.” It wouldn’t be the first time she wrote a long review just to praise a friend. She was great at acting like a Karen and if she used her real name, everyone thought she was seventy anyway. “I should make them tip me extra for making me witness their bad tattoos. At least my bad tattoos are covered up or I’m getting them fixed.”

“I was truly #blessed.” Luce said in a mocking voice, as she shut off her machine. “What got me was the fact he had the balls to ask, ‘was it good for you’? That was when I straight up told him I was pretty sure I preferred girls. Whoops.” She said as she wiped off the last of the ink and gestured for Dot to take a look at the tattoo in the mirror she had on the wall. “You better mention me, otherwise people will come in thinking it was Rory who did this sick pussy tat. God knows how the girls would react to that.” She snorted, amused at the other artist’s struggles with the fairer sex. “Honestly, they really should. And hey, you’re getting there.” She said as she tossed her gloves in the trash and began to clean up her station. “When are we gonna fix that jank ass dolphin tattoo of yours, huh?”

“‘Was it good for you?’ Well, bud, if I’m getting up to leave then I’m pretty sure it wasn’t good for me. Boys are fucking stupid,” Dot laughed. This is part of the reason she ate human boys, they were just so annoying. She stood, looking into the mirror with an almost feral grin. “This is fucking awesome.” Turning back to Luce she let out another half laugh,“Yeah I’ll make sure I tell them it was you. Try not to hit on all the hot ones I send your way.” Dot took out her phone to take a photo to send Blanche and a few of her old college buddies. Snorting, she shook her head,“The dolphin is staying as messed up as it is. It’s a Dot classic at this point.”

“Right? You’d think me grabbing my shorts and booking it out the door would have been a dead give away.” Luce said with a laugh as she grabbed the aftercare instructions pamphlet and stuffed it into a baggy with a little Ink Inc. sticker, some candy, and a few packets of Aquaphor. “I’m glad you like it.” She said as she held out the grab bag. “And, no promises on that.” Luce winked and shook her head as they walked out to the register. Setting the station up for her, Luce shook her head with a disappointed snap of her fingers. “Damn, and here I thought I might have a chance at getting you to rethink that. But, hey. You win some, you lose some.” As she leaned against the front desk, Luce glanced up at the clock. Dot was a dope lady, if chaotic. And, coming from her? That meant she was pretty much chaos incarnate. But, she was good company for a drink. “You wanna grab a drink? Celebrate your new art?”

[fallenangelspnfanfic]

Wayward Huntress

Summary: Castiel asked the Winchesters to help him find the source of a strong energy he felt in Missouri : a Nephilim, or is it? Eventual Reader x ??? pairing.

Warnings: Language, mention of drugs, sex club, prostitution, violence and eventual smut too.

A/N : *...* are used to illustrate characters thoughts.

---

-You sure bout that Cas? I mean, hell I don't give a damn bout being here but you must admit its kinda ... weird ya know.

Swaying hips passing by got Dean's attention, his forest green eyes scanning the beautiful stripper from head to tail, smirking when he noticed she was coming his way.

-Hey hun, what can I getcha? she passes a hand on the hunter's shoulder bending forward a bit just to make sure her pray gets a good look at her cleavage. His eyes fell into her trap for a second and then he turned back to Sam and Cas.

- Never mind, Cas's right. Let's look out this place. Dean quickly added, a goofy smile smacked onto the hunter's face earning from both Cas and Sam an annoyed look. Sam scoffed and rolled his eyes catching that his brother might not be 100% with them on this hunt.

 He turned his back to face Cas leaving Dean to order drinks while totally ''not'' hitting on the hot chick. 

 -Cas, I'm not even sure if I've done the tracking spell properly... and just like Dean said, it would be odd to.. Well, to find that kind of power in a strip club. 

 - Sam, I might not be the angel I once was but I am fairly certain that even with the few grace that's left in me, I can still feel that kind of power. It's stronger in here. the angel's answer was stiff, as he scanned the bar with his vessels eyes. He continued : A nephilim can't hide from angels... with a low voice only for him to hear. 

 -Alright then, I'll go chat with the manager see if maybe something unusal happened in the last few days... You should may-

-Demons. Castiel interrupted Sam who was now looking at the angel with questioning eyes. 

 -Wha- Cas took Sam by the sleeve of his brown jacket and spined him around so that the demons could not spot them staring. 

 -The man standing next to the woman who's wearing that strange pink feather scarf and leopard undergarments, near the stage. He's a demon. Cas pointed his head over his shoulder to a large bald man. His arms were crossed over his chest and he had a serial killer expression stuck on his face. He was watching the girls grinding on the poles on stage, as if he was making sure they were not trying to escape.

 -There's also 2 more in the booth next to him. Sam took a quick peek over his left shoulder to evaluate the mess they were now into. They were big demons, well their meat suits were big. He reached for his angel blade hidden in the inside pocket of his jacket, the cold metal haft comforting his cautious mind. What was supposed to be just a scouting hunt turned out to be a a little bit more risky. 

 - So what, you think demons are after it too? he whispered to Cas.

 - They might have heard something, I can't tell, a nephilim walking on Earth is quite an event. The word must have gone to Hell. We must tell Dean. Castiel turned around his blue eyes narrowed searching the place for his other friend. The place was crowded, wherever the angel looked all he saw was human committing sins. He finally found Dean who was in total adoration for the stripper that was now dancing for him on a table a few feets away from the stage. The music was slowly subsiding as the DJ announced a new stripper on stage, Castiel seized this as an opportunity to walk across the bar and get his idiot human friend back on the track. *Human are so easily distracted.* 

 ''And there she is gentlemen, our lastest arrival, she'll know how to please you and you won't be disappointed, so guys welcome to the stage our new and divine Azaaaa-el! ''

As if the last words he said was a signal, Dean, Sam and Castiel stopped midway whatever they were doing to look up the stage. The sound ''El'' was well-known to be an angelic name, and which in this case, was exactly what they were looking for. Spotlights suddenly lit up the catwalk where strippers usually perform and slowly a drum beat could be heard faintly. 

 *Tskt tskt tskt*

 She's my cherry pie,

 Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise,

 Tastes so good make a grown man cryyy, 

She’s my cherry pie oh yeahh

Azael walks down the catwalk as she sways her hips from left to right in her white laced corsetry which was barely covering her physical assets. Her legs that seem to never end were covered by a white cotton rib mini skirt which sits right above her underwear line. Not forget to mention those sweet suspenders to highlight it all. 

 She's my cherry pie, 

Put a smile on your face ten miles wide,

 Looks so good bring a tear to your eye, 

Sweet cherry pie, yeah

 With long strides, Sam quickly joins Cas halfway from where Dean is sitting. But the angel doesn't seem to notice his friend. He's frozen. He could not have mistaken. No doubt, she is the source of that power he felt. But this glow. In his thousands years of life, Castiel has never seen anything like this. 

 Swingin' to the drums swingin' to guitar,

Swingin' to the bass in the back of my car, 

Ain't got money ain't got no gas,

But we'll bet where we're goin' if we swing real fast

Azael who's now grabbing the pole with one leg flew her head backwards and winked at the cheerful crowd. She is giving a hell of a show and men are literally throwing their wallets on the stage. Castiel was brought back from his thoughful mind when a drunk man pushed him to get closer to the stage. 

 -Is it her? Sam questions Cas while motioning Dean with his head to pay attention to that girl on stage. Dean nodded and raised his thumb meaning for his brother that he got the message. Even if he tried, Dean could not take his eyes off the dancer who was doing an excellent job at teasing her public.

 Azael fell on her feet gracefully when the song finished. As she bent over to thank her audience her skirt crumpled and Dean saw a strange design drawn on her skin. He recognized it immediately since he and his brother wear the same one on their chest. An anti-possession tattoo. *Why would a nephilim be afraid of being possessed?* Dean frowned at the thought and walked quickly to his brother and his friend through the crowd. 

 GENTLEMEN AND.. GENTLEMEN the announcer started. I've got the pleasure to tell you, that as every Thursday night, our lovely manager has the best deals on private dances and you won't be disappointed! Our luxurious private room is ready to welcome you and your friends. So don't be shy and pamper your eyes!

 -Something's definitly off. Girl's wearing an anti-possession tattoo. What kind of angel would need to get his ass tattooed not to get possessed by a friggin demon Cas? Dean asked the angel as he joined the group.

 - So what you think she's human? Sam quickly added interested by his brother's idea. 

 - She is not human. She might not be part angel, but I sense something in her. Castiel answered dryly. 

 -Yeah well Cas the only thing you should have sensed there is your pants getting thighter. Dean scoffed.  Sam snorted at his brother's joke. Castiel seemed offended by the brothers laughs.

 - Did you forget about the demons? Castiel retorted with a frustrated tone. 

 -Demons? Dean stance got from relaxed to alarmed in a second. Sam cleared his throat, quickly picked up his seriousness. 

 - Uhm, yeah. Booth next to the stage. Cas spotted three demons, including one that was pretty darn sturdy. 

 - You mean like, Dwayne Johnson sturdy ? Big pipes, bald as a badger? 

-Yes. Both Sam and Cas replied in union. 

 - Son of a bitch. Dean swiftly grabbed his engraved nickel plated pistol and headed to the back of the bar where he saw Azael following the demons. People who saw them with their guns pointed in front of them would shout in fear and move away from their path. Cas understood something was wrong and mimicked the brothers taking out his angel blade and followed them hurriedly.

 --- A couple hours earlier... 

 Jefferson city, Missouri. 

 *Jesus christ, I look like a dumbass.* 

You thought looking at yourself in the mirror. You were wearing a thight mini jean skirt, a neon pink top that makes you wanna throw up and the final touch : heels 3 inches high. You glanced to your left, you duffle bag slightly opened on the bed of your motel room, leaving your flanels screaming for you to wear them. You sighed. You had to leave for the big night. 

 -Not today my darlings.

Not today. It's been over a month since you've organized this move. Being part of this community was a challenge, but being under cover on street corners was the best way to find leads. Of course, some fellows pushed their luck on you, thinking you were the real deal. But a good hook from the right helped them to buckle up and piss off from your sight. 

 But some night finally, a few days of investigation later, you got the info you were looking for. A ''colleague'' from the street confided to you that she had received an invitation to a job interview to dance in a strip-club where the paycheck was unlike any other. They offer girls who work there, apartment, luxury cars and all the dope their bodies can handle, all of this for a couple dances.

 Jackpot.

 So you asked her when and where was her interview, and when the day finally came, followed her into her apartment, knocked her out took her identity and : Taa-daaaa. Now it's your first night on stage and you've been drooling over that idea. Not that you fantasize at the idea of dancing almost naked on stage, but to gank those son of bitches who has been stealing souls from poor girls.

 Your plan was pretty simple. Every Thursday evening, The Golden Contract, (cheesy right?) presents its newest stripper on stage. Each new stripper goes backstage afterwards with a gang of braindead demons and emerges from there soulless. But tonight, instead of a soul, you reserved them a nice surprise. That's why today during dance practice, you left subtly to ''redecor'' the private room. An angel blade stuck under the striptease table, devil's trap painted on the ceiling with invisible ink, just to make sure lovelies don't leave up in smoke.

 Adrenaline rises more and more by donning your stage costume. Your blood pumped hard in your veins, maybe dancing half-naked in front of an audiance wasn't the best idea after all...

 -SHONDA! Shooonda! you hear someone calling you by your fake name over the music, not realizing she's speaking to you.

 *Oh fuck, right* 

 -Yeah what? you answer in a casual tone. At least you try to sound casual but you're actually shitting your pants. In all of your hunter's life, you've never thought killing monsters would be less stressfull than strip-teasing.

 -You're up bitch, that's what! Get ready to shake da booty gurl.

''And there she is gentlemen, our lastest arrival, she'll know how to please you and you won't be disappointed, so guys welcome to the stage our new and divine Azaaaa-el! '' 

--- Present time 

 -Follow me messieurs, I'll bring ya to Heaven. You mewed to the bunch of demons who just bought themself a ''dance''. You were showing them the path backstage where's the private room, a ball was sitting in the back of your throat. They were three, one was pretty impressive, looked like Popeye the sailor on crack. The two others were standard douchebags, one had a hell of a cringing haircut you liked to call ''ze onion'' and the other was wearing way too many jewlery.

 *Shit they're huge. Maybe I'll sit this one. Shit no. I can't, what am I thinking? Fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. Man up Y/N.* 

 Finally in front of the room, you opened the door for them, the soft lights and the purple and pink silk curtains gave the impression of being in a princess' bedroom. Except, said princess is an experienced hunter who handed them a trap. You invite them to enter with a wave of your hand.

-Sit down gentlemen, relax, let yourself be spoiled for a bit. I'm gonna pick a song and get ya some drinks okay? Be right back handsomes. 

 You heard one of them said faintly: 

 -Oh we'll be spoiled alright. 

 You could hear the demons laugh while you left the room to put some ambiance. You have to admit to yourself, pretty damn cool to pick a soundtrack to fight bad people. Feels like an action movie where you starring as the heroe. You picked your favorite song that you usually listen to work out. You came back in the room and you start humming as you pick up the bottle of vodka you trafficked with holy water from the mini-bar. When you bend over to pour drinks into glasses, onion-man grabbed a handful of your ass and added :

 -C'mon already! We don't have all night. 

 *Ohhh you're first fucker.*

 -Of course. you laughed, biting the inside of your cheek, trying to remain calm and to stay in your role as much as possible. Now that he pissed you off, you climb on the table with a firm foot. You start dancing and rubbing yourself against the pole from top to bottom, opening your thighs when you reach the tabletop. 

 -Let's talk business. the biggest demon, the one you're more afraid of and who had not said a word yet, began to speak.

 -Anything you want darling. you crawl to him on the table in a sexy way. 

 -Yeah see, none of that interests us, cunt. he spitted. You frowned, trying your best to look offended and confused. Yet you were thrilled, finally some action. 

 -I don't underst- 

BAM! 

 The door behind you exploded and your hunting instinct made you twirl off the table and quickly grab the angel blade glued to the underside of it. You stayed crouched down while two men pointing their rifles in front of them enter the room. 

 -HUNTERS! the leader exclaimed his eyes turning black. 

 *For fuck's sake*

The three demons stood up and threw them selves forward trying to reach and attack the intruders who shot them mercilessly.  They suddenly stopped moving as they got closer to them; special thanks to the demon trap. The demons and both of the hunters looked at each other all puzzled.  That's when you decided to join the party. You could reach the glass of holy water from the table where you were hiding. As you stood up you strangled the pervert who pissed you off earlier, from behind.

 -Enjoy your drink fucker. You threw the contents in his face, the contact of the liquid and his skin creating steam. As he screams in pain, you sunk your blade into his back, orange lights coming out of his eyes and mouth. In your right blind spot, you see Hulk rushing towards you and with your well developed hunter's reflexes, you push the inert body in his direction to stop him. As you were ready to get back into the fight, the long-haired hunter stopped you and with a strong arm forced you to stay behind him, outside of the devil's trap, where the demons couldn't get to you.

 -What do you think you're doing? you spitted and slapped his brown jacket on the shoulder. 

 -What? I'm saving you. That's wha- 

-SAMMY A LITTLE HELP HERE??? the second hunter shout from the the back of the room where he was struggling to keep the second demon pinned down on the floor. Sam swiflty took the angel blade out of your hand and rushed to the other side of the room to help his partner.

 -HEY! you yelled as you followed the hunter. You were really fed up. Who do they think they are? To come here and fuck up your plan, ''rescuing you''.

 *I'll show you who needs some sav-*

Aaghhhhh aghh hh 

-You little shit. You thought you could play Wonder Woman tonight? the big demon now had his huge hand around your neck, choking you. Your feet were no longer touching the ground. You kicked the air as you tried to escape from his grip, silently praying for the hunters to come and help you. Suddendly, his grip weakens and you finally fell on the floor, gasping desperately for air. An electrifying blue light was coming off from his eyes and mouth as the demon screamed in pain. You covered your eyes from the blinding light with your arm and when you heard the dull sound of the lifeless body hitting the ground, you allow yourself to look. Seeing the state of the dead demon, two black holes where his eyes were supposed to be, you knew who, or more like what, just saved your life. 

 An angel. 

 You gently get up from the ground, never breaking the eye contact with the seraph who stood in front of you. He looked at you in a strange way. His head tilted on the side, he stared at you as if he was disappointed and at the same time, astonished. 

 -Are you alright? his hoarse voice broke the silence that seems like an eternity.

 -I uh, I'm fine thanks. you answered shyly, lowering your skirt, now bothered to be so little dressed. A shout of pain you faintly heard coming from the back of the room confirms you that the hunters finally got rid of the last demon. 

 -Thanks for ruining 4 weeks of hard work and planning guys, but what the hell? you say your arms crossed, to the guys who were getting up from the ground.  

-I'm Dean, this is Sam and- Wait did you say?Ruining? We just saved your neck young lady.

You scoffed. 

 -Young lady? I may not be as old as you grandpas but I'm still a pretty good hunter, so back off. Dean expression changed from shocked and outraged, looking at his brother in disbelief, silently wondering if he had hear what you'd just said. 

 Of course you've heard about Sam and Dean Winchester. They were well-known in your branch of work. You continue:

 -The Winchester brothers and their loyal angel, and to what do I owe this honor? you exclaim sarcastically not really paying attention to them while you rummaged through a piece of furniture to find your bag of spare clothes that you had carefully place there.

 -Listen huh uh... Azael? Sam begins, hesitating. 

 -Y/N. You got up on your feet and seeing your angel's blade in Sam's hand you steal it furiously and put it in your duffel bag. 

 -Y/N, look we're sorry to have messed up your hunt but we thought 

 -But you thought you were rescuing a poor helpless girl, yeah I know the drill. But now that I'm safe and sound, I'd like to go put actual clothes and never come back to this rotten place. So see-ya. 

 You were stepping back slowly to the door to sneak away but you stopped when your back hit on what you thought was a wall, but when you look back you realize that it was no wall, but a man dressed in a trenchcoat who did not look amused.

-You're coming with us. He says in his deep, firm voice. ----------------------------------------------------------------------

[itsabubblegumworld]

MOTEL MIRRORS.

I am me. The me before I moved far away. The me that finally came home that anxious day. Everyone else saw a new girl. Only a few felt certain enough to call out my name.. I knew somethings were different.. But apparently it was bad different. Because I saw a glimpse of heartache in everyone’s eyes, they really did love me.

They kept asking why.. I loved him. “Why..? What was there to love..?” Eventually I’d get mad, you still love me don’t you..? Did you just give up because I messed up..? No. Just hurt.. I hated feeling my heartbreak.

But I’m only human. We all make mistakes..

The mirror would motivate me. Understand me.. Never doubted or spoke hateful things, instead she let me cry and listened while I pleaded for my entire existence to fly away..

But we’re human. We all make mistakes..

The things that happened Caused so much pain, i eventually gave in.. Because it was easier to float away with him.. Our home in the clouds, there is where he loved me. My fantasy, everything I wanted right there. Him. I’ve never wanted anything as much nor did I ever ask.. So when we fought I couldn’t understand why he would get so mad..? I loved him more than I loved anything else. I put his wants over my own health. Funny I thought that that day, because shortly after i fell.. and slept for days..

My brain felt fuzzy and I felt dizzy.. How long was I sleeping..? My eyes were clear, I felt weightless when my toes touched the carpet.. The air was off.. it was hot.. I opened the window to an empty parking lot.

Oh but it was the mirror that terrified me.. It couldn’t have been me..? The girl staring back was a 100 pounds if even that. Why was her skin so purple..? Her hair wild..? I moved forward. Still in denial. I began to feel around my face.. till I felt a medium sized hole in my head.

At that moment, I wanted to fall back asleep, the mirror had exhausted me. I wiped my tears and laid back down, as I slept time carried on.. Till hours became a day.. then days..

But we’re just humans. We make mistakes.

I screamed each time I woke up for a few weeks after that. Wondering where he could be at.. He was suppose to be beside me.. I need him to hold me, when he told me he loved me, no matter the situation hearing that from him. It saved me. But he’s gone. It hurts. But. I deserve more than that.. Regardless of other people and their thoughts. That night was an accident, I just slipped and fell.. I forgive him for not being able to catch me. He cried and held me while I bled all over his shirt that was wrapped around my head. See, he loves me.. he’s crying. He’s holding me.

We’re all just humans. We all make mistakes.

Even though most problems can be prevented we continue, knowing that it’s wrong. I felt that everyday. But he also never ever made me feel the same and for some unknown reason I loved the mystery that came with each day I spent with him.

We all know that I went crazy. Lost my mind. Literally. I didn’t care all that much really. Most of my thoughts were him.

But damn.. the way people talked about me.. About how I fucked up..?

My mistakes will not define me.

I refuse to be called, “that girl that was on dope or still on dope. Who knows.” “Crazy bitch. No self respect.” Or “Yeah, that’s her. Dumbass bitch. Got beat by her ole man. She stupid for taking it.”

No. I will be defined by my strength. The strength I had to stay. Strength I had to love. Strength I had to leave on that very last day. Strength I have everyday, and the days to come. To always love him but never again will I touch him. The strength to tell him no without shedding one tear when he comes home one day begging and apologizing. No. He will not stay.

I’m only human. I’m not a mistake. I’m not crazy according to my lifestyle anyways. I’m just a girl that’s experienced a little more sin in the world.. Got a little carried away.. I fell in love with pixie dust and flew away with him, even tho he colored me purple sometimes I didn’t mind. Because when you love someone that much. You’ll forgive anything. So they stay.. But eventually we had to sleep.. that night I guess I slept alone. He flew away on his own.

Thank God for motel mirrors.

Follow the author of this beautiful piece @slxmjxxm

[jesbakescookies]

Too Hot To Handle: Epilogue

I just want to say thank you to all of you who have read, liked, reblogged and reviewed my story Too Hot To Handle. It is amazing how a little idea I daydreamed about, became this full fledge story reaching over 100,000 words. Thank you very much enjoying my ramblings.

 Find Too Hot To Handle Master Chapter List Here

  “You know, you’re driving your mother a little crazy.” Jeffrey murmured to the bundle in his arms, while bouncing her gently. “I don’t appreciate it very much, sweetheart.”

Isabella cooed into her clenched fist, drool dripping from the plump digits. Jeffrey smirked at the sight, using the spit-up towel, thrown over his shoulder, to clean the mess.

“Mainly because she takes it out on me.” he explained, adjusting the infant in his arms, to grab the baby bag at the nursery door. Shouldering the overflowing sack and looking for any last minute items, Jeffrey joined Aria at the car. He found her struggling to get the carseat installed into his SUV, the woman growling under her breath about the manufactures of children safety devices being spawns from hell.

“Let me, darlin’.” Jeffrey offered earning himself a burning glare, her hazel eyes turning to hot coals. 

Failing to suppress a smile at her state of dress, he rasped, “I can do it while you change.”

Aria glanced down at the vomit-covered shirt and huffed out a breath, her hand raking hair from her sweaty face.

“We don’t have time. I’ll change in the car.”

“You’re not changing in the car, while paparazzi take pictures of your beautiful tah-tahs.” Jeffrey drawled settling the baby into the car seat. “We can be late, it’s just a barbecue at Norman’s. The dumbass will probably be late to his own damn party.”

Aria huffed out a breath and stomped inside, her eyes jumping to the child in his arms.

“I got her cleaned up. No worries.”

“Is she okay?” she fretted.

“She’s fine, sweetpea.” Jeffrey murmured, kissing her forehead. “Go on. Clean up.”

Getting Isabella into her car seat, Jeffrey smirked down at her and explained, “So you gotta stop with this whole, Exorcist vomiting thing. It’s getting old and I’m not sure mama can take you puking in her face again. She’s gonna start to get offended.”

“Gimme, gimme, gimme.” Norman drawled, reaching for Isabella, who had finally fallen asleep.

“Norman, we just got her down.” Aria whined as the man grumbled about there being plenty of time to sleep later. Jeffrey sighed as he friend pouted like a toddler until Aria consented. The sight of him holding her though, had Jeffrey grinning at his surrogate brother.

“Fuck, she’s perfect. Look at that nose.” Norman rasped, his thumb brushing across her cheek. “Damn, man. You got your work cut out for ya. She’s just as pretty as her mama.”

Aria snorted, her hand squeezing Norman’s arm as she headed towards the patio. “Enough ass kissing, yes I will cook the steaks.”

“Thanks, dollface.” Norman hollered, his grin flashing to Jeffrey. “I knew that’d work.”

“Idiot. You know she would cook no matter what, anything to keep from eating the charred crap you churn out.”

“Hey, bro. I cook a mean new york.”

“Mean as in, it can cut a bitch, than yes. It’s pretty damn mean.” Jeffrey drawled, earning himself a middle finger.

“Your daddy’s an asshole, ain’t he.”

“Hey now, watch how you talk to my little girl.” Jeffrey drawled, his mouth scowled. “Her first word isn’t going to be asshole.”

“Yeah it’ll be fuck or somethin’ worse.” Norman retorted, his lips curled up as Jeffrey threatened him with a fist.

“If you weren’t holdin’ my kid, man.” He joked, slinging his arm around Norman shoulder. “She’s pretty cute huh?”

“I know man, “ Norman shook his head, while they both looked at Isabella open her eyes, her thick lashes blinking sleepily. “You sure she’s yours?”

    Aria sighed, her back sinking into the tub of hot water and thick suds. The day was long, filled with baby vomit and other nose wrinkling bodily fluids. She was thankful for Jeffrey more every moment, of every day. He was the perfect partner in the fuckfest that was parenthood. He rolled with every surprising punch and grotesque body function. Aria couldn’t believe how well he seemed to handle it and it made her feel that much more inadequate.

Closing her eyes tightly, she quelled the tears threatening to take over. Just another pleasant after effect of having a child, the emotional stability of an off kilter washing machine. Random things triggered crying jags, fit for teenage girls, not level-headed businesswomen.

The bathroom door squeaked open and Jeffrey slid inside with a smile. He set the baby monitor on the counter and stripped off his clothing, his gaze trailing over her reclined position.

“Feelin’ good?”

“Yes.” She sighed, her eyes trailing over his body, catching at the dark ink on his chest and arms. “You joining me?”

“Hell fucking yeah.” He rasped, his chin tipping towards her. “Scoot forward.”

Aria slid to make room, as Jeffrey climbed into the tub behind her. His long limbs framing her body, his weight bringing the water to near the rim.

“Shit.” She muttered as the water splashed to the floor. “We’re making a mess.”

“Who fucking cares? It feels good in here. Enjoy it baby.” He murmured into the back of her neck, his voice hot and wet. Aria’s eyes closed heavily at the feeling, her head cocking back to rest on his shoulder.

Jeffrey rumbled behind her, his chest vibrating against her ribs. “So sexy, sweets.”

“Jeff.” Aria moaned, as his hands slid along her ribs and waist, one dipping between her legs, as the other rose to her breast.

“Yeah, darlin’. You still upset about the water?”

“Fuck no.” she groaned as his fingers cirled her hood teasingly. “Don’t stop.”

“Not plannin’ on it darlin’.” Jeffrey growled, his teeth scrapping along her arched neck, as his fingers sunk inside her. Aria moaned deeply, her hips jutting forward to chase his digits, plunging in and out of her. She could feel the thick weight of his cock pressed into her lower back, the head throbbing against her spine.

Jeffrey’s other hand massaged her breast, the soapy water making his hand glide seductively along her pink skin. Rolling his fingers around her puckered nipple, Jeffrey growled as her walls clenched at his sharp tugs.

“Like that huh?” he murmured, his tongue swiping behind her ear as she rocked against his palm and ground back into his throbbing dick. “Your tits too sore baby?”

“No. Please more.”

Jeffrey groaned at her pleas, his lips sucking on her earlobe, while he twisted her peaks until she whined at the back of her throat. He kept his fingers stroking long plunges into her clinging walls and his thumb pressed onto her clit. Panting into his neck, Aria writhed against his ministrations, his growled words of encouragement turning her heart into a rapid war drum.

“That’s it. I feel it. I feel ya.” His rough gravel panted into her ear, his hips rocking into her ass. His dick slid smoothly against her skin, the dual sensation of his fingers pumping in the same fashion as his hips turned her control to dust.

Heat engulfed her body, her skin catching fire and insides turning liquid, as she came undone. Aria’s thighs clenched around his forearm, her hips jutting from the tub to ride his fingers deeper. Water splashed from the tub onto the floor, the splatter of water barely heard over the wild moans escaping Aria’s arched throat. 

Jeffrey groaned into her neck, his teeth biting down on the thick muscle, as she took every drop of pleasure she could from his hands. The feeling of her breaking under his palms, had the man rutting into her ass with more purpose. Aria slid a hand behind her and stroked his cock in a tight fist. Jeffrey snarled at the sensation, his hips bucking into her back desperate for her tight warmth.

“Fucking hell.” He groaned as she spun around and straddled his hips, her hands working his dick in tandem. “So good, sweetheart.”

“Gonna cum for me?” she purred, her hips rocking on his lap as she continued to jerk him off.

“Yeah.” He grunted, his head knocking back into the tile wall. “Fuck, yeah.”

Kissing up his long neck, Aria tasted his skin and nibbled on his jaw, as she fisted his cock and stroked his balls. She rose to kissing him, her tongue twisting with his. She tightened her hand and sped up her motions.

“Fuck, darlin’.” Jeffrey groaned, his hips jutting from the tub as he exploded onto her smooth stomach and tits. Aria kept pumping her hands, her mouth dropped open as she watched him writhe.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” He panted, his head propped on the edge of the tub as she cuddled into his chest. Large hands smoothed slow paths over her ribs and back, as they relaxed into the cooling water.

“That was hot.” He murmured into her damp hair, his voice tired but pleased.

“Yeah it was.” Aria replied, kissing his chest before rising to look him over. Leaning down, she kissed him slow and deep. She enjoyed his whiskers rubbing her lips and cheeks raw, the tenderness always reminding her of him throughout the day.

They were just getting worked up again when the cry squawked through the monitor. Both stopped short, holding their breathes, as though it would keep what was bound to happen, from happening. The cries increased, Isabella waking from her nap and ready for another bottle.

“And adult bath time is over.” Jeffrey drawled lazily, kissing Aria’s bare shoulder with an open mouthed kiss.

“Same time tomorrow?” she asked with a grin, her eyebrows raised.

“Fuck yeah.”

  Thank you for reading and enjoying my story. Please check out my Fanficiton.net profile for more Walking Dead fanfiction

@magikat409 @cadeviolet @aforrester77422 @bethcarli @thamberlina @star017 @bec-brained-blarg @blackmother77 @adriannawiggins @jdm-negan-mcnaughty @negans-network @negansmutweek @cltex84 @audreychaz @wolfhart18 @ruggedasfuck @warriorqueen1991 @yellatthetopofyourlungs @hotfornegan @ladyynegan @uhh-dope @brandi-sykestw @negandarylsatisfaction @londoncapsule @morganstopbeinghotkthx  @sicksadtired @wolfgirl1074 @sophisti-kate-ed @jdmsgal @sasquaatch68 @spideygeek @arkhamasylumpatient-blog1 @cupcake5365 @soft-spokenangel @beegnc @mandilion76 @prettyepiic @beautifuldizasterfics @kitcat44 @mayuketchupytostones @ibelongtonegan @azanoni @alyisdead @mwesterfeld1985 @helena-mrs-murder @lovexxxkittyxxxblog @nu1freakshow @jenn0755 @skylouise12   @mysacredstardust   @thatprettymvthafvcka@beltz2016 @soythedemonqueen  @disturbthepearls @writteninthestars288   @queenslandlover-93   @ledger-kaos @jackythemoossconcept @jdmsgal @lovesjdm @adixon13 @doyouhaveavacancy

[blotched-poems]

MOTEL MIRRORS.

I am me. The me before I moved far away. The me that finally came home that anxious day. Everyone else saw a new girl. Only a few felt certain enough to call out my name.. I knew somethings were different.. But apparently it was bad different. Because I saw a glimpse of heartache in everyone’s eyes, they really did love me.

They kept asking why.. I loved him. “Why..? What was there to love..?” Eventually I’d get mad, you still love me don’t you..? Did you just give up because I messed up..? No. Just hurt.. I hated feeling my heartbreak.

But I’m only human. We all make mistakes..

The mirror would motivate me. Understand me.. Never doubted or spoke hateful things, instead she let me cry and listened while I pleaded for my entire existence to fly away..

But we’re human. We all make mistakes..

The things that happened Caused so much pain, i eventually gave in.. Because it was easier to float away with him.. Our home in the clouds, there is where he loved me. My fantasy, everything I wanted right there. Him. I’ve never wanted anything as much nor did I ever ask.. So when we fought I couldn’t understand why he would get so mad..? I loved him more than I loved anything else. I put his wants over my own health. Funny I thought that that day, because shortly after i fell.. and slept for days..

My brain felt fuzzy and I felt dizzy.. How long was I sleeping..? My eyes were clear, I felt weightless when my toes touched the carpet.. The air was off.. it was hot.. I opened the window to an empty parking lot.

Oh but it was the mirror that terrified me.. It couldn’t have been me..? The girl staring back was a 100 pounds if even that. Why was her skin so purple..? Her hair wild..? I moved forward. Still in denial. I began to feel around my face.. till I felt a medium sized hole in my head.

At that moment, I wanted to fall back asleep, the mirror had exhausted me. I wiped my tears and laid back down, as I slept time carried on.. Till hours became a day.. then days..

But we’re just humans. We make mistakes.

I screamed each time I woke up for a few weeks after that. Wondering where he could be at.. He was suppose to be beside me.. I need him to hold me, when he told me he loved me, no matter the situation hearing that from him. It saved me. But he’s gone. It hurts. But. I deserve more than that.. Regardless of other people and their thoughts. That night was an accident, I just slipped and fell.. I forgive him for not being able to catch me. He cried and held me while I bled all over his shirt that was wrapped around my head. See, he loves me.. he’s crying. He’s holding me.

We’re all just humans. We all make mistakes.

Even though most problems can be prevented we continue, knowing that it’s wrong. I felt that everyday. But he also never ever made me feel the same and for some unknown reason I loved the mystery that came with each day I spent with him.

We all know that I went crazy. Lost my mind. Literally. I didn’t care all that much really. Most of my thoughts were him.

But damn.. the way people talked about me.. About how I fucked up..?

My mistakes will not define me.

I refuse to be called, “that girl that was on dope or still on dope. Who knows.” “Crazy bitch. No self respect.” Or “Yeah, that’s her. Dumbass bitch. Got beat by her ole man. She stupid for taking it.”

No. I will be defined by my strength. The strength I had to stay. Strength I had to love. Strength I had to leave on that very last day. Strength I have everyday, and the days to come. To always love him but never again will I touch him. The strength to tell him no without shedding one tear when he comes home one day begging and apologizing. No. He will not stay.

I’m only human. I’m not a mistake. I’m not crazy according to my lifestyle anyways. I’m just a girl that’s experienced a little more sin in the world.. Got a little carried away.. I fell in love with pixie dust and flew away with him, even tho he colored me purple sometimes I didn’t mind. Because when you love someone that much. You’ll forgive anything. So they stay.. But eventually we had to sleep.. that night I guess I slept alone. He flew away on his own.

Thank God for motel mirrors.

@slxmj

[stargleeksil-blog]

Criminal Minds s01e16 The Tribe review

Episode 16 – The Tribe

Okay, this episode’s name is kind of vague. Do they mean wolves? Native Americans? Gangsters? What?

Set in Terra Mesa, New Mexico … so Native Americans.

I love the music.

Ooh, house party with clearly only one purpose. I mean, talk about romantic ambiance.

Damn, that girl has a fine ass.

So we just heard the unsubs, that’s new.

And of course a blonde hottie is kidnapped. It’s like duh-101.

Come on, two people making out on the carpet won’t pay attention to anything xcept what’s going on in their pants.

And why was that guy stabbed? What the fuck?

Back to the BAU in Virginia.

Oh my god, I love Penelope!!!!!! I love her confidence. It’s like – well, hello, hottie! You, hold my shit, I’ve got a hottie to pursue. Dang man.

But I agree, that guy can hit my radar any time.

Wait what, that’s Hotchner’s brother? Damn man.

Sean Hotchner. Yummy.

But Derek is yummier.

So he decided he wants to work in the restaurant business, what’s wrong with that, Hotchner? But seriously, you should be happy for your brother.

Oh god, the three girls drooling over Sean is the hottest thing ever.

And yeah, who profiles their own brother? Come on, Aaron.

Whoa, five teenagers. One impaled on a pole made of wood? Yikes.

So they’re searching for a pack. Still not sure if it’s wolves or people. Haha. Kidding, I know it’s people.

Damn you fuckers, make Kirsten a regular.

Friedrich Nietzsche: “The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.” I know that’s right, you German genius.

Oh, she’s been upgraded to “also starring” instead of “guest starring” impressive.

Completely skinned and so little blood. Lovely. Just yuck.

Oh god, skinned alive? Why? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Oh so it was an orgy night. Hot.

Wait, it has to do something with Native American rituals? Oh that’s nasty. Thanks for the info, Reid.

So the court ruled that they can buy lands from the Apache, they become greedy and want to buy off whatever the Apache have left? Asshats.

Benjamin Black-Wolf. I love that name.

Indian activist. Really? You had to use the I-word?

And he’s the reservation police, I love it. Hahah they’re gonna have their work cut out for them.

Wow, she’s really protective of John. But it’s just to talk, lady, nothing is confirmed.

“Does anyone know the last tribe to surrender to the American government?” Reid of course knows the answer. Lol.

“Does anybody know the name of the last leader of the Apaches?” Reid mouthing ‘Geronimo’ hahaha I love you so much. But that kid is good, too.

Oh Reid, and Aaron is like “Is your name Samuel?” and Reid is all contrite for taking that kid’s thunder.

Oh god, to Gideon “you look like a college professor” to Reid, “you look like his student.” Wow, you’re on fire, Black Wolf, to Hotchner, “you look like an FBI agent.” Oh lord, I love this man.

You know, tracking is slightly different than profiling dirt, Hotchner, come on, dude, don’t be so cynical just cuz Black Wolf said the American government is more proficient in massacres, you know it’s kind of true.

Oh snap, Black Wolf totally profiled Hotchner, bam said the lady.

And Gideon is wearing a beanie. I love this episode already.

Eight unsubs? One hostage? Dang man that is seriously messed up.

“To the Apache killing, unless absolutely necessary, is a sign of stupidity and weakness.” Dude, those are some strong, amazing words.

Well, yeah, if the crime scene had many signs of different Native American tribe signs it’s kind of obvious that the person had a vast knowledge and/or was trying to frame the tribes. I mean, that’s kind of a given.

And I love it when they put a scene behind the actors and it’s so obvious that it’s a green screen but nobody cares because the show is that amazing. Love it. Especially when Shemar does it.

Hey, I love his voice, but why make him go away?

Ignorant white officer assuming it’s Indians … asshole.

ADU – American Defense Unit, funded by a private man? Sounds fishy to begin with.

God, that is the most racist son of a bitch they ever displayed on the series so far.

Oh god, quoting the 2nd amendment from the Constitution, the Right to Bear Arms, as a reason to hold 450 guns as a private defense group? That is definitely racist, cuz there is no way the Native Americans are behind this and he’s a stupid ass.

Wait, he’s filing a lawsuit against the construction of the Apache lands? Goddamnit.

Wow, that was one clean-cut conversation between Derek and Penelope, that was weird.

Her dad looks strangely calm for having his daughter kidnapped.

A caller about Ingrid, probably the two dummies who have her, are calling the FBI and don’t want the dad to know they’re calling? Oh this is beyond suspicious.

Wait. Hold up. The dad paid those two to kidnap his own daughter? Is he completely off the reservoir? What the fuck?

She looks demented.

Oh wow. I think I just saw Hotchner snap for the first time. But yeah, it’s very fishy that he had his daughter kidnapped and then a second later all those kids were butchered. I mean, damn, this doesn’t look good at all.

So we don’t get to hear the cute exchanged between Derek and Garcia this episode, and Reid is taking on the victim on his own.

Why is that girl only repeating her name and social security number? She looks so doped up.

Well, she used to be catatonic since they picked her up, but it’s still so weird.

Also, turns out she was supposed to be in school and wasn’t enrolled for the past year and vacated her campus apartment. Ruh-roh. I smell cult.

And Hotchner just suspected the same thing. I love you, baby.

Did I just see a guy pull out a knife and advance on a house that is being observed? Oh boy.

Lovely, more victims. Ugh.

Oh, the cop is also butchered. Okay, now it makes slightly more sense.

Oh I love it when they try to goad the unsub into confessing. But come on, there is a fine line between trying to keep your daughter close and trying to kidnap her because she joined a cult. That is a big stretch.

The cult leader calls himself Grandfather. Oh god. This is seriously messed up. Personally I could never understand how people can form cults and just be brainwashed by a certain idea. I’m not saying it’s not possible and doesn’t exist, I just don’t get it.

Why is that cop manhandling that girl like crazy? That is so messed up. I mean, I get it, she’s in a cult, but she’s a kid.

And she looks totally out of it, man, like she huffed glue or something.

She knows who Black Wolf is? Okay.

Wow, she’s totally unfazed by the blood. It’s beyond scary.

What? Oh god, she is just spouting random bits of information at him convinced that what she’s saying is true and I’m just like, you are brainwashed child, someone needs to slap you into your right mind. And I’m looking at John’s face right now and he’s like ‘damn, this chica is loca.’

Oh god she is totally hopeless.

They made her go into the desert to earn the right to be blessed by fictitious demons as an Apache? Oh boy.

Oh god that Jack Kelly is freaking me out, man.

Hunting? What the fuck does that mean, Jack?

Oh so he’s a fucking religious sociopath who decided to hone in on the Apache. Ugh.

Ugh, that kid is seriously delusional for thinking he is Apache. I mean, for reals? Oh, he’s a racist. That’s awesome. I love you Black Wolf.

He doesn’t need a gun? Well, they are at a school, so I guess Black Wolf has a reason.

“Just so you know, you sound like a fortune cookie,” oh my god I love you Hotchner, beyond all measure. Oh my goodness I am completely in love with this show.

Oh crap, those assholes are seriously entering a school with shotguns? Fuck!

Yay! One for Hotch!

Make that two for Hotch!

One for Black Wolf!

Two for Black Wolf?

Wow, that stupid ass doesn’t give up.

Ooh, Hotch’s catch is also giving up a good fight.

Yay! Three for Hotch!

Oh snap, that was a brutal blow!

Two for Black Wolf!

Oh wow! Four for Hotch!

Well, yeah, I mean, they were about to shoot you, dumbass, so Hotch had to shoot.

Oh, the kids weren’t even in the building? Sweet!

Awwww a jukebox! And double aww cuz Aaron went to see his brother and give him his blessing cuz that’s what brothers do and I love Hotch forever.

 Okay, so this review is slightly longer than its predecessors, but that’s only cuz it gave me tons of opportunities to rant about racism. Really hated the unsubs in this scenario, cuz racism is so poignant and relevant at all times that it makes me so sad. Overall? Amazing episode! Was sad that there was no sassy Penelope/Derek interaction, but I hope they compensate for that next time.

 See you next time, lovelies!

[eccentricbinary-blog]

Hope Is Wonderful,

This drabble is a continuation of one I posted on @hopelessgrunt​ which you can read here. 

This was a lovely evening!

There were laughs. There was food! There were drinks! There couldn’t be anything better to celebrate a reunion such as this.

Kaido and Vincent sat at a booth in the back corner of a restaurant. One they mutually shared a love for. Red Fletchling was a top priority whenever they had time, and that was something they had decided upon when they had initially met.

They had both been drinking, but it’s evident that Vincent has definitely had more than Kaido had. The taller man looked to his friend in amusement as he stared back to him rather strangely.

Yep. He was definitely gone.

❝You want some water, Vinny?❞ The tone is jovial, but the concern is evident.

Vincent’s eyes sharpen ever so slightly. A single hand ruffles his hair and he reaches for his dish, or rather one of few french fries left on it, dips it in some ketchup, and scarfs it down.

❝Fuck you think I am? I ain’t a lightweight, and you know that. Deadass, b.❞ He spat, simple as that. Lightweight he was not, but that didn’t mean his tolerance was incredibly high. Kaido, however, rolled his eyes. He was no stranger to dealing with any of Vincent’s antics.

❝Well, do you want dessert then?❞  

Sweets. His one of many weaknesses. Vincent had almost forgotten that he had been absentmindedly sitting and eating chicken, fries, mashed potatoes and drinking, yet forgot about dessert. The dessert menu was an absolute must. He’d dine and dash if he had to. But he would eat dessert before leaving.

His hands shot up quick as an espeon, causing Kaido to laugh.

What a goof.

His hand stayed, awaiting for a waitress to show. A woman eventually showed herself and took an order for a funnel cake; a rather large one covered in ice cream, hot fudge, caramel, brownie bits, and oreo bits.

The look on Kaido’s face upon hearing that order was gold, at least to Vinny. He couldn’t help but start giggling ever so slightly, earning a roll of his eyes from Kaido.

❝What’s so funny?❞ He inquires, raising his palm to rest his head against. Vincent momentarily breaks his fit, though instead of answering, he grabs a fork, and begins to bang on the table.

Kaido’s ears twitched, his head perking immediately. Was. Was that a beat?

❝We here in Fletchlings Feastin like some kings The subjects come servin’ us some dope ass cuisine I got me some lovely, ludicrous, delicious, delectable Dishes with a side of fries It’s lit, b, ‘innit Hangin’ with my boy I ain’t seen in a minute Bout twice as long as it took to serve this Though, I know you don’t mean it Cause you here now, and, This meeting has love put into it Much as the food that the chef’s put into it But then you came Offerin’ Some dessert like my girl CA And here you are, lookin at me Like a deerling in the headlights I’mma get you And you deadass know why.❞

Pause.

❝Vinny...❞ Kaido began to beat on the table himself, shaking his head ever so slightly. Despite this, a smile crept on to his face.

❝Bitch you tryna square up? Step to me dude Lookin lost in the clouds like you did back in Kalos boy what you gon’ do? Your flow ain’t sweet, like cake with ice cream b What is your goal see, you know it’s ‘bout as gone as you Call me you know I come through Stand and deliver like UPS do Haters be sleepin’ on me like fruit of the loom But I got their girls sleepin’ on me like fruit of the loom It’s what Sootopolitans do I never try to do you Dirty my dude Fuck around with them fuckarounds and get Noctowl-ed like HOOT HOOT HOOT HOOT!❞ 

Another momentary pause. Vincent had stopped laughing. Not necessarily because that verse was better than his own, he’d rather die than say that. There was something about it that irked Vincent.

❝Never done me dirty?❞ An octave dropped, much like the jovial tone like a rock into water. Brown eyes narrow to slits as Vincent reaches to his glass and drinks some of his Sunset. As the glass parts from his lips, so do words.  ❝You full of shit and you know it. You been fuckin’ me ever since we met.❞

Kaido furrows a brow. He could feel this sinking feeling. Something, no matter how he would have prepared, was going to go wrong tonight.  ❝Vinny, what the hell are you talking about?❞

❝You know damn well what I’m talkin’ bout, with yo Deathklok lookin’ ass. But I guess it ain’t mean much to ya, much like me, cause you ain’t said nothin to me in years.❞

Patience is tested. Fingers tap against the table. It’s the only response that Kaido gives, and he averts his gaze from Vincent to the window.

❝You tryna avoid this like you avoidin’ me?❞

Silence.

❝Say something. I know you ain’t hard of hearin’ boy.❞

❝Stop. You know that this isn’t true. Stop trying to put the blame on me. If you really wanted my attention then you could have come to me. Not like I wasn’t busy or anything.❞

❝Ain’t no one busy for 6 years! What, you broke yo’ phone for six straight years?!❞ A fist slams against the table.  ❝Did I do something wrong? Tell me so I can fix it instead of avoiding me!❞

❝The only thing wrong are your delusional accusations! I’ve got better things to do than babysit you. Get. Over it. It’s not that deep!❞ Kaido’s voiced raise, along with the rest of his body as he stood up from the booth.

❝You my boy, right? Then you know good and damn well that I shouldn’t have to constantly reassure that we still kin!❞ Vincent stands up himself.  ❝You know I got trouble dealing with this! Stop fuckin’ testin’ me cause it ain’t cute or funny! That shit hurts!❞ 

❝Stop. I can’t help you! I’m not a professional. I’m a fuckin’ bartender and an expert in Mega Evolution! Not a fuckin therapist! Seek one out instead of being a leech for once in your life!❞

Words cut deeper than the cool ocean below. Vincent averts his gaze, opting to reach for the fork again. However, he decides against it. There would be no beat for this. His eyes returns to Kaido, and the two exchange an understanding gaze.

❝Look at you, look at me Startin a scene Got me lookin foolish cause you playin’ with my dreams Bitch, I hate you, I love you I’m fuckin’ crazy ‘bout you But you don’t feel the same Makes me feel stupid like yo’ name Kaido Black could be tattooed on my back And cover up Galactic, but you slow as molasses To Text back, call back, be someone to fall back On, like a tempurpedic mattress Which makes sense, cause when you here it’s like pillow talk And your presence makes me not want walk off a cliff And plummet to my death Because the only thing I got now is you, taxes, and death. Who is it? Who’s the bitch who’s More important than this shit who’s Fucking me by fuckin’ you and taking away what gives me life?❞

Kaido rolls his eyes. He hesitates as he notices that many eyes of customers have now fallen upon their table. If this continues, they would most likely receive a warning for disturbing the other customers.

❝For fuck’s sake, get help You know what they do to snakes? They turn ya into belts Herb ass, nerd ass, beggin’ to be heard ass I’ll shoot you out the sky with your mandibuzz lookin ass! I know it’s hard but guess what? I’m not your shit And I don’t owe you shit Fuck the tattoo, get it removed for you Like I fuckin’ told you Now chill out, eat some more Have somethin’ sweet when that Woman gets back here with your diabetic treat And don’t you go splittin’ on me or your ass can split Cause you know I mean well and if you don’t, then I’ll might as well say Suck a fuckin’ dick!❞

As if on cue, the waitress returns, rather timidly, with funnel cake in hand. She sets the tray down and makes haste away. Anyone could sense the tension between them, and could cut it like a hot knife through butter.

Inhale. Exhale.

In his attempt to calm down, Vincent sits down, takes a fork and knife, and begins cutting off pieces of the cake. However, as he’s reaching the fork to his mouth, a bit of ice scream spills on to his coat.

. .. ... Wonderful.

❝I’m sorry.❞ Silence broken, for once by Kaido. His hand reaches towards a napkin, and attempts to wipe the stain off of Vincent’s coat. However, he only makes it worse, smearing it into the coat

Inhale. Exhale. You’re ruining everything, Kaido. Vincent’s eyes narrow once again and his hand instinctively grips Kaido’s wrist.

❝You’ve done enough today. Take care of myself, right?❞ Brown hues fall to his coat and he begins to unbutton it, throwing his previous caution to the wind. He had no more energy to care about what happened. Not now.

Off comes the coat, and the Skull medallion and uniform are revealed.

Kaido’s eyes narrowed. He hadn’t been in Alola long, but he had been here long enough to notice the yahoos harassing others, attempting to steal pokemon from other trainers, assaulting others, and legitimately trying to steal bus stop signs. 

❝You. Have got. To be shitting me.❞ A hiss returns Kaido’s previous harshness.  ❝You really do want to keep yourself trapped in a cycle, don’t you? Using your illness as an excuse to continue joining these fucking gangs. What’s this one’s goal, huh? You gonna try and steal my pokemon too? Or are these dumbasses beating up stop signs and shit trying to end all of existence too?❞

No response. Vincent’s gaze returns to the funnel cake, and resumes eating. At least that tasted good.

It was better than Kaido’s mood. Definitely. 

❝Fine. Stay trapped in the cycle. You don’t want help. You want to be babied like the selfish impulsive brat you are. But don’t contact me when you realize that this won’t do you any good. Or at all, for that matter.❞

The taller man rises, slams down some cash, and storms out of the restaurant. The slam of the door echoes throughout the now silent room.

A sniff breaks the silence, accompanied by a single tear running down Vincent’s cheek.

What had he done?