#anyways i may have written that for no one in particular but yeah theres some cat au!

[wu-does-art]

au where mike narrowly escapes the upsidedown while on patrol and gets an obscure curse to be a catboy for a month. this is amusing to everyone but mike.

[ocdhuacheng]

you seem to post a lot about the grooming in csm so i was wondering if you have thoughts about how he depicts these dark topics, whether it's creepy, and also whether it's irresponsible even if it's not creepy. he is sometimes too ambiguous, especially with the incest, it's not really condemned... idk just as part of the whole consuming media critically thing

like im gonna be real i dont feel like i can say much about the incest thing itself bc again i havent read those manga but its certainly sus if what people are saying is true, and it calls into question his intentions but tbh im not really sure what to think about him. like for chainsaw man specifically. i dont fucking know. i cant read his mind obviously but there are things that he has said that seem contradictory like one one hand ive read things that sounded very earnest from him about how he wants to trust his audience to know what hes going for (which may be a reason some things can be ambiguous, not necessarily a malicious thing.) and how in creating makima he did research on abusive parents and whatnot which did make it seem to me like he does care about his messages of grooming/abuse. but some other things hes said contradicts that (too me, given an english translation, bc things are always lost in translation) like in particular his comments on how he made so many 'strong women' in chainsaw man because he was bullied by girls in highschool and he thought it was hot and wanted to be dominated by women. or whatever the fuck it was that he said idr. to me this implied that he made makima (and himeno) with the intention of being sexy and attractive to the reader, and not as vessels for commentary on pedophilia/grooming/etc. so i really dont know what to believe or if its a mix of both with him because i just dont know enough about him and its not like i would ever know unless i was able to read his mind. like i personally think that csm was /mostly/ written with good intentions but there is still quite a bit of questionable choices so like?? i dont know what else you want me to say. i dont think the questionable parts are as overt as the commentary so yeah i acknowledge that there are probably some ulterior motives but the rest of it is done with enough respect imo that im able to still enjoy what he has to say. like there are weird stuff: how can you have a commentary on the exploitation of children with makima and denji, but at the same time have reze and asa running around basically naked? idfk. it makes no sense, but i think that part just comes from misogyny. (also i do admit i think that the himeno thing specifically seemed very. something to be laughed at instead of criticized. though id have to reread bc i dont remember the details) but anyway people can have good takes one one topic but have just entirely awful takes on another like its not like people are completely good or bad/right or wrong. thats a ridiculous thing to say. obligatory obviously not excusing it but i feel like i have to spell that out. like just because someone says something awful about one thing doesnt necessarily invalidate what they say on something else.

and assuming that csm was written entirely with good intentions and nothing creepy at all : you cant write things like this and please everyone. theres always going to be parts that people dont like, both for legitimate personal reasons and just because of misinterpretation. like i dont think its a bad thing for things to be subtle and ambiguous and not in your face i think its a good thing to have faith in your readers to figure things out themselves and not have everything spelled out for them but that always runs the risk of people misinterpreting things, which at worse you can have a lolita situation (disclaimer -> has personally never read lolita) where people use the book as a fetishization of pedophilia instead of a condemnation. obviously this is bad and dangerous but to say its irresponsible is idk. like i think thats a very subjective thing. is it irresponsible to attempt to comment dark topics and trust that your audience knows what youre going for? i personally do not think so? is it your fault if the audience doesnt understand what youre going for? maybe if literally everyone/the vast majority of them misunderstands you then that might be a you problem and yeah you might want to reflect on how you wrote something, even if you meant well. but i think with topics like this there are always going to be people who take your words in ways you dont want to and thats not something you can control unless you want to spell everything out for them letter by letter, which makes for. uh. terrible writing. lmfao. its infantilizing to the audience to think that they cant figure things out themselves and that you need to be responsible for every single goddamn person who reads your story. and you shouldnt just NOT write dark things (respectfully) because people might misinterpret you or because it might upset people. so no. if given that it was written with good, not-creepy intentions i do not think chainsaw man is something irresponsible, even if there is a chunk of people who take it at face value. and even if it does have some creepy intentions, i personally think enough of it has merit to make it worth something.

anyway tl;dr:

thoughts about how he depicts these dark topics: compelling but not perfect. plus i dont think you can be "perfect" in portraying anything because its all subjective and everyone has different comfort levels

whether it's creepy: cant say what his intentions are for sure obvi but in my interpretation i dont think he wrote this with mainly creepy fanservicey intentions (well perhaps some, considering all the naked girls, and the thing about the bullying being hot, and whatever, but i dont think those would be the main goal of csm), even if he made a few questionable to downright weird choices, both in chainsaw man and in other manga.

whether it's irresponsible even if it's not creepy: personally, no.

he is sometimes too ambiguous, especially with the incest: cant comment on the incest (inclined to believe that yeah it probably was too ambigious at best and positive at worst in that case tho. just from what ive heard) but for other things sure maybe sometimes he can be ambiguous but i dont think its necessarily malicious, and more just that he doesnt want to be in-your-face about explaining things

anyway this isnt an anti or pro fujimoto post . i can literally only talk from what i personally got out of the manga and what little things ive read from interviews. so yeah. thanks for the interrogation

[kxrn7knxck]

top 5 mlm series (/ movies) and 5 honorable mentions

Tagged by my bestest buddy on this whole entire hellsite @doctorbeam​

I took it upon myself to try and pick my favourites of the lesser known series that i’ve watched, which is how some of them ended up being movies by accident. Whoops. Anyways, in no particular order, my list is as follows-

1. Advance bravely

It’s been a hot minute since I watched this series so tbh I may have forgotten some of it but I do remember really enjoying this as I was watching it. Theres a lot of pining and sweet moments and it felt like there was a very genuine connection between Xia Yao and Yuan Zong. Because of chinese censorship, there isn’t any kisses or anything in this series, but it’s still very worth the watch imo

2. Gray Rainbow

I have made it no secret that I love this series to bits and it would have been on my list regardless of whether or not I was aiming to focus on lesser known shows. This series covers a lot of very series subject matter in very respectful and realistic ways and it’s 100% worth the watch, regardless of the reputation the ending gets. Yes, it is sad, but it’s also beautiful

3. Long Time No See

Of the series on this list, I would argue this is the most well loved among them. A good mlm korean drama with a sweet couple and a happy ending is very hard to come by and LTNS ticks all those boxes. I enjoy the plot, I enjoy the side characters, I enjoy the main couple, of course I have to include this on my list.

4. Seven Days

A very very sweet pair of movies that have almost 0 angst. As I said in my review, I absolutely love that the issue/ conflict in these movies isn’t based around homophobia (internal or external) but rather around the unique circumstances of the one week time restraint on their relationship. Some of the most peaceful and easy to watch movies I’ve seen for a while, and I can claim they’re allowed on this list because theres two of them. That makes them a series and I didn’t break the rules, ok? 

5. Takumi Kun

Another very cute set of movies with minimal drama and just some good boyos. I think the way they handled Takumi’s “people-phobia” (see: trauma) was good, as well as the overall dynamic between Gii and Takumi being generally pretty healthy. I also need to do a rewatch of these too, damn. Anywho they count because there’s 5 movies. Come on, thats a series

Honorable Mentions-

2gether- this is pretty popular and still airing which means it didn’t fit my qualifications to be on the main list but I’ve been really enjoying it so far and am patiently awaiting the next episode. I enjoy the dynamic between Sarawat and Tine a lot and I really hope they’re not gonna get fucked up before the series ends

Until We Meet Again- very sweet story about a love strong enough it can survive anything, even death. I think In and Korn were a lovely couple to watch and I wish the world had been kinder to both of them. Pharm and Dean were also very sweet and I’m glad they got to live happily even after what In and Korn went through. As I said in my review, I liked how much of a soap opera it felt at times. This series had a story to tell and I really appreciate that

He’s Coming To Me- Might as well put this right after UWMA because I love it for a similar reason. This series set out trying to tell a story. That might sound kinda stupid but a lot of series are driven primarily by cute moments and the plot feels like kind of an afterthought (which is fine) but this (and uwma) was clearly written with the plot at the forefront of everything and I appreciate that. Also has a really nice coming out scene and sweet couple

History3 Trapped- A lot of people really love this series and it’s not hard to see why. The main couple is very interesting to watch, and despite all odds they ended up having a very healthy relationship where they are both head over heels for one another. Pair that with an engaging plot and cute side characters and bam! You got yourself a damn good series

Why R U- Another currently airing series that is pretty popular. If it weren’t for the absolutely angelic @doctorbeam​, I almost certainly wouldn’t have watched this just because the side characters.. get a little uhh on my nerves. However, both the main couples are very sweet and I am very glad I was supplied with an edited version to help prevent me from going insane while watching. The plot is uhh a bit odd at times but yeah, the couples are really carrying it for me

I don’t really have many friends on this site so I won’t tag anyone but if you wanna do this, feel free to say I tagged you!

[astra-hewhy]

Deja vu

It's been months since my last post for no particular reason partly me feeling okay, partly me avoiding writing my feelings or looking into them too hard and partly me not having the time,

I've finished 3rd year and I think pretty successfully which I'm happy with I'm its mid may now and I've no idea what I'm doing for the summer but life will figure that out for me it usually does,

I done up my room nothing fancy got a desk and shelves and was cleaning I found some notes in the back of a diary, these notes or letters are an afterword essentially and they are letters to my future self a year later and yeah it's pure coninsidance that it was updated the same time every year but here we are. But what shocked me was the first one from 3 years ago mentions Marnie in such a positive light then the next one I had found out what she done and I was so angry and upset and the by the 3rd which was written Jan of this year I was unsure on everything but I write its getting better but who knows we will see by this time next year, and God how funny that sentence is now because Marnie has gone and repeated the horrible stuff she done in the first place, I dont know to what extent, but i thought she was acting weird and she was lying again and I brushed it off as me being paranoid but as of 4 days ago Annabelle when I asked confirmed and I was nearly sick,

Unsure of what to do, but I dont think I even care anymore, i cannot see myself even bothered to try and work past this so I'm just going to edge her away that will be the cleanest break, that's my intention anyway

My whole life has become the subject of a horrific novel that I would call trash writing and unbelievable.

And yet theres this sense of Deja vu like you wouldn't believe

[crossnecklace]

hi hi hi! so i feel like a lot of my most favorite fics dont get talked about much, therefore i wanted to create a proper fic rec masterpost to spread the love!! this is going to be a looooong list, so hopefully theres something for everyone (though i do firmly believe u should read every single one of these before u die)

in no particular order, but a * indicates my absolute faves that i reread monthly:

hats off to my distant hope by navigator (21k) *

Harry is in White Eskimo. Louis is in London.

AU loosely inspired by the song “505” by Arctic Monkeys.

-kicking this off with one of my very favorites. i think my favorite trope is when hl have this angsty “we’re not dating but definitely fucking and also doing everything couples do also i’m irrevocably in love with you why aren’t we dating?” sort of moment. its painful in the sweetest way, and this fic captures that perfectly. there will be quite a few of those on this list, i’ll bet

up the long delirious burning blue by orphan_account (6k)

harry is a swimmer & louis is the writer who somehow manages to make him come up for air. 

-this one is quite sad. so poetic and painful and lovely and unf (warning for mentions of suicide and depression, and the ending is quite ambiguous but there is no MCD)

we wreak havoc with out hearts by flimsy (9k)

Harry finds that he can’t keep things separate; neither can Louis.

Harry tousles his hair, smoothes it back, shrugging. 

“Alright,” he says. “I’m, you know, outside if you need anything.” 

“Yeah,” Louis replies. “Sure.” 

He doesn’t look like he’ll be needing Harry, and Harry tells himself that that’s okay. They’ve both got their moods sometimes or maybe the timing isn’t good, and if it’s not then that’s alright as well. Harry can respect that. And it’s not like this is their first tour; Harry knows that Louis will come around. He always does.

-another one of those w that trope i talked about. im gonna call it the RFWB trope (romantic friends w benefits). this one is so hot and good

rather this than live without you by mediaville (10k) *

Harry decides to give it all up. Louis refuses to be left behind.

-RFWB pt. 3. i ADORE this fic. just the setting and the angst and the smut ugh it all has me on the floor

one day to believe in you by mediaville (7k) 

A mysterious force compels Louis to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Even when it’s really inconvenient.

Harry blinks and has the nerve to look surprised. 

“You think about me when you get off?”

“Yes,” Louis says. He wonders how hard he’d need to punch himself in the face to knock himself out.

“Often?”

“Yes, Christ, Harry,” Louis groans. “Probably eight times a week for going on six years now. On average, you know. More when we were touring, less when I’ve been visiting family. Anything else you’d like to know?”

- :-)))))))

all my love was down in a frozen ground by navigator (16k)

Louis goes to the woods. 

AU very loosely inspired by the creation of Bon Iver’s first record.

-i’ll be honest i dont even remember what this fic is about but its in my bookmarks and its by navigator so i know that its good

boys of summer by sharktoothedfawnskinned (49k) *

What he wants is for this to be a forever thing, not someplace Harry spent the summer once.  What he wants is for this to be more than a memory.

(New Jersey beach town AU.) 

- I SCREAM EVERY TIME READ THIS RIGHT NOW 

we should get jerseys by orphan_account (12k) *

There’s a lot surrounding Harry, and Louis knows, in his heart of hearts, that there always will be. He just doesn’t know if he’ll manage to equate into the ‘always’ of it.

(Harry is a hockey player, and Louis is his slightly melodramatic boyfriend.)

- another old favorite!!! pretty much anything that involves harry being good at sports has me on my knees bc it paves way for automatic angst, louis being jealous of a puck/ball/net/what have you, and uhhh various other *athletic* activities

the finish line (is a good place for us to start) by @loaded-gunn (122k)

Louis Tomlinson, one-time Formula 1 World Champion, is looking forward to the 2013 season. He’s got Zayn in his garage and Liam in his ear, he’s got Cowell Racing backing him despite former indiscretions, he’s got experience and the best race car out there. Not to mention he’s the only racer they have, after Oliver dropped out late last year.

It hasn’t occurred to him that Oliver would have to be replaced by February. That is, until he finds himself at a party celebrating Harry Styles leaving Ferrari for Cowell. Harry hotshot Styles, who broke a record last year and is probably looking to make a big splash. Harry Styles, who is talented and somewhat intimidating. Harry Styles, who left Ferrari for reasons unknown and seems kind of lonely and harmless in person. Lonely, harmless, hot as fuck. Whatever.

The first thing Louis does is take him under his wing. From there it’s nine months of slow-burning romance, the past catching up to them, turning into the human puppy pile that is OT5 and a lot of feelings until, of course, reaching the finish line.

-one of the first 1d fics i remember reading. i havent touched it in a long time but it used to be my #1 fave and it has a special place in my heart. so much pining, only not really in a frustrating way bc theres abundant flirting and they kiss in like, the second scene. its basically louis trying to keep his shit together and failing miserably. AND its stuffed with fandom meta which is quite entertaining if youve been here for awhile. anyway give this a read, i truly love it so much

so keep my candle bright by whisperdlullaby (78k) *

louis returns to his hometown after four years to find that the reverend’s son has done some growing up of his own.

-god. the characterization in this one is just gorgeous. the way louis helps harry accept/explore his sexuality is so beautiful and i think about it every day. a must read!!! (warning for homophobia and religious themes)

no one like you by @myownsparknow (20k)

Dear Niall,

I was glad to have the chance to talk with you again at the AHA conference. Your idea that the Musee D’Orsay Tomlinson painting is in fact not a self-portrait is an intriguing one, and I may have discovered something that will have a bearing on that theory.

Some background: as you may remember, I’ve been researching for a book I’m writing about Harry Styles. I’ve been in communication with Styles’ last living descendant, who is in possession of a trunk that her family believed to have belonged to Styles himself. It held some personal items she presumes to be his, including two unmounted paintings and a small collection of letters.

Upon spending the last few days in Provins studying these items, I believe there to be a connection between Tomlinson and Styles, and I would very much like your opinion.

Are you up for a trip to France?

Sincerely, Liam Payne

Where Liam and Niall are art historians discovering the truth about two nineteenth century painters on opposite sides of an artistic divide.

-this is one of the only recent fics on this list bc i like to stew in the past and pretend all my favorite writers havent left the fandom. i read it when it first came out and man oh man, its like poetry. so gorgeously written, and hl’s relationship is so deeply rooted and beautiful. i love

our little corner of the world by brownheadedstranger (30k)

AU. Louis is stuck in his mom’s diner for the summer. Harry is the line cook with a pickup truck.

-so good!! i’d die for americanized fics which doesnt even make sense bc i hate america but. what can u do 

i could dream all night by @fondleeds (73k) *

As the sun kisses the horizon, one last flash of light before the stars and the moon take over, his phone will brighten in his grasp, Louis’ name appearing on screen, come over or wanna see you or miss your mouth. Harry always lingers on those messages, elbows bruising on the cool metal of the railing by the lookout, watching the water as he thumbs at the side of his phone, lips bitten into his mouth, trying to will away the bubbling in his stomach, the heat that flushes to his neck at the thought of being thought of.

At the thought of Louis thinking of him.

AU. Harry spends his summer away from the city.

-lordt. where the fuck do i begin. first of all, lysha, if ur reading this, i’d die for u even tho u already killed me with this fic. second, what the fuck???? this is so good??? the imagery is exquisite, everything is so soft and hazy and warm, but just be warned that its a tRick. this fics wraps u in like a warm hug and then stabs u 7 times in the back so be prepared :-))) (warning for ambiguous ending)

another hazy may by deLILAh (41k) *

louis is a terrible poet and harry lives in the now and they have six weeks to fall in love but, really, it only takes six seconds. bookshop meets military meets summer romance au ft. marlboros, the backstreet boys, and underrated literary devices.

-i dnot even wanna talk about it. i swear to god the first time i read this i stayed up all night and cried through literally like the last three quarters of it. its so poetic and gorgeous and now every time i think or hear about the literary present i wanna die so thanks for scarring me forever 

like a bastard on the burning sea by vashtaneradas (22k) *

au; harry breaks louis, louis breaks everything.

- listen i know im not supposed to like this but yknow what?? iconic. its absolutely a guilty pleasure and the only cheating fic ill ever give the time of day bc it just hurts so good 

take me to the church (series) by @kingsoftheimpossible (14k/6k/4k)

Harry and Louis are Horsemen of the Apocalypse- War and Conquest- but that’s not really important. They just like to fuck things up.

these r freaky but so so good. theres nothin i love more than boyfriends wreaking havoc on..everything. (the main warnings i’d say are for slight gore/violence and blasphemy. other than that i’d read the tags before you dive in)

if you love me, come clean by @victoryjacket​ (121k) *

AU in which Louis works at a recording studio where Harry’s ‘up and coming’ and ‘exciting’, soon-to-be famous indie band has just signed a deal to record their debut album at, and Louis’ never even heard of them for Christ’s sakes, but that doesn’t stop him from repeatedly catching the eye of the raven-haired, eyeliner-wearing and slightly dangerous-looking frontman (but he’s not interested, he isn’t.)

-everyone read my love’s fic right now. she writes tortured rockstar!harry beautifully and its just so good :-))))) ft. the slowest, sweetest burn 

a runaway american dream by dangerbears (15k)

AU. they take route 66 with only each other and their secrets.

-iconic. plus the whole thing is just hl trying and failing to be just bro pals and platonically share a bed

from the love to the lightning by orphan_account (22k) *

“i didn’t realize it would sometimes be more than whole, that the wholeness was a rather luxurious idea. because it’s the halves that halve you in half.”

 a like crazy au where harry and louis fall in america, but have to try to make it work when problems arise that force louis to stay in london.

-definitely in my top 10. first things first, the line that fucked me up forever: “Three thousand, four hundred and seventy one. There are 3471 miles and an entire ocean between them, but Harry doesn’t even have to get out of bed to find bone-crushing heartache.” AH. i think this might actually be the only long distance au ive ever read and its angsty as fuck but oh so worth it. like literally idek what to say except read this right now (warning for harry/ofc relationship that is pretty detailed, but i grew kinda fond of her? and anyway its mainly just a plot point to emphasize harrys pining for his tru love,,,,yk who) 

we can take the long way home by @eleadore (27k) *

“Fertile,” Louis says, and then laughs because it sounds stupid to say out loud. He hasn’t ever really thought of himself in those terms. Baby-making terms. It’s just one of those things his body can do, like exercise, or go without tea. Doesn’t mean he will.

or, The band takes a break. Harry and Louis come together.

-listen, i REALLY REALLY love this fic. its probably literally my favorite one shot, like, its really just so sweet and hot and its again one of those good ol RFWB tropes. loveeee

red brick heart by hazmesentir (99k) *

Harry has only had his room for thirty-two minutes when it stops being his.

Uni AU. Harry had turned up at the halls of residence expecting fun, new friends, and maybe a life experience or two. What he doesn’t expect is a surprise roommate who’s loud and dramatic and obsessed with tea and is maybe, actually, all he’s ever wanted.

-this is one of the few fandom faves i can get behind. i know its got that early era cliche of commitment phobe!louis but i really love hl’s relationship in this, and how harry comes to terms w his sexuality via making out w louis tomlinson like 500 times. plus the scene in the club where louis, uh, helps harry out just…GETS me, yknow? 

some things take root by navigator/quitter (50k) *

AU. Louis’ ex doesn’t get jealous of anyone besides Harry. Harry helps Louis use that to his advantage.

-pleasepleplalspelplseease. literally navigator can end me. this is THE fake relationship au yall, like, any fanart of hl making out near a bar gives me flashbacks to this fic. read it

keep yourself warm by navigator (20k)

AU. Harry sleeps around.

-this fic is really nice and oddly comforting, like, i just love the pining and the angst. its so !!!! 

with love comes strange currencies by mediaville (16k) *

One day One Direction will be over and Louis won’t be around Harry every waking moment. He’ll be able to finally get some space, let their bond dissipate as it’s bound to do, if they don’t mess up again. He can move to Costa Rica and forget that Harry Styles popped his first knot inside him. Until then, he’s going to have to deal with this.

or, They’re Accidentally Mated and Dealing With It Rather Badly.

-i con ic. listen, i have nothing against abo but im just .. not rly into it. however, THIS is the first abo fic i read and the only one i ever loved. like just the whole accidental mating and how it draws them to each other even tho its quite inconvenient, and how h takes cares of l when hes sick, i just..gotta go 

covered in lines (series) by mentalistecbm (24k)

He likes to imagine that he’s always aware of Harry’s eyes on him, but the spark that flashes across his body at how often Harry licks his lips while looking at his throat doesn’t feel like something he’s explicitly and consciously acknowledged before, but it feels familiar. Usual. Right.

(Louis is human, and Harry is lucky enough to be his vampire boyfriend.)

-noah fence but this is,,,, essentially twilight in au form, minus love triangles and werewolves. actually its completely different lmao, who am i, but the overall atmosphere and the vampire dynamics rly reminded me of it. i mean it in the best way!!! its so good, and anything involving dr*nking has me on the floor

weird honey by orphan_account (5k)

~staying up all night, talking blasphemous ash, weird honey~ 

(PWP where Harry is not 100% at home in his body and he and Louis use a sex toy to help work through the problem)

-this fic is soft and nice and makes me feel warm inside so highly recommend

who painted the moon black by throughthedark (95k) *

“People died,” Harry whispers so quietly Louis strains to hear. “People died, and I killed some of them. How does life just go on after something like that?”

Louis shakes his head. “I don’t know. It just does.”

Hunger Games AU where Louis Tomlinson is district six’s victor from the 69th Hunger Games and Harry Styles is district seven’s victor from the 72nd Hunger Games.

-listen. i do NOT want to talk about it. (ps harry throwing axes on the bbc literally  took me out by the knees bc of this fic)

one more for the stars by imsosorry (16k)

It’s different, and Louis knows that, because Harry’s got so much riding on this - a career and a future and his whole life. There’s talk of him going first overall in the draft, of entering the NFL after only two years in college, of going to New York or Seattle or Green Bay, and Louis wants to be there for him, wants to support him and help him make decisions, but he also kind of wants to pin him to the bed and cry and scream, What about me what about me what about me?

(au. Harry’s the star quarterback and Louis is about to graduate. It’s a heartbreak waiting to happen.)

-i think i mentioned before that sports au have me on the floor and this is no excpetion 

you and me were kings by ithacas (28k) *

harry plays football in a small town in west texas. louis might be the only person that doesn’t give a damn. au.

-another football au, this one with the added beauty of being set in southern us. im such a sucker for southern aus, mannnn, and this one is so soft and beautiful

hold onto your stars by vashtaneradas (16k) *

au; harry’s in the army, louis’ back home, and ninety days is a lifetime.

-are u srs????? this is another hazy may except…….Worse. like, im still working out the science of it but im pretty sure this killed me and brought me back to life just so i could suffer the pain of it forever. (nobody dies tho)

makes perfect by checkthemargins (8k)

“What if you practiced on like, a mannequin?” Louis presses. “Or one of those blow up sex dolls? Or even just like, I don’t know, a pillow or something. Whatever it’d fit around.”

Harry tilts his head thoughtfully, curls catching the light so entrancingly that Louis finds himself reaching up to push his fingers through them. “It’s different, though, innit? When it’s a real person. A pillow won’t snog me.”

“Why should it?” says Louis. “You can’t even take its bra off.”

hmmmm. hmmmmmmmm. im jus gonna leave this here,,,,,,,,,

all the diamonds you have here by vashtaneradas (21k) 

it hits louis now, how fucking close to the precipice they’re standing. 

or, an au feat. investment banking and children.

-its #confirmed that anything by vashtaneradas is guaranteed to be painful as hell. who said there cant be soul crushing angst in marriage/kid fics too ! 

wild and unruly by @100percentsassy/gloria_andrews (123k) *

Harry is a cowboy sitting on the biggest oil reservoir in Wyoming, and Louis is the paralegal assigned to pressure him into selling his land.

-ending this with a classic. i trust that everyone has read this masterpiece already and that i dont have to say anything about it other than w o w 

______________________________________________________________

tis all for now! happy reading and pleaseee feel free to yell @ me about these fics if you liked them as much as i did!! 

[8eht]

q - u? :)

 q: how do you feel about collaborations?

i don’t have too much of an opinion on it, to be completely honest. im pretty particular about what i like reading though, so if their writing styles differ too much i won’t be able to enjoy it really.

with that being said, i give lots of props to those who actually collab w others bc im so picky abt my writing and have extremely specific ideas and if details aren’t described exactly how i imagined it in my head it causes me so much anxiety and distaste for it and askfhaskjfhasfkja. so it must really be difficult and i rly respect those are able to achieve that type of teamwork i could never tbh

r: are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

the first writer that comes to mind is tahereh mafi. i know her style is def not for everyone and neither is mine so sajkfhaskjf. feelinggenious on wattpad actually wrote a post about why they don’t like her style and expressed the reason being is that its “written in a chaotic, hallucinating-ish, journal style that’s oozing and overflowing of metaphors” and that ppl may find its a “lump of metaphors and horrid imagery” n binch thats exactly why i aspire to be on her level someday asfjhsfjhasfk. but i love it so much tho!! and thats exactly how i would want mine to be described as tbh

another person that stands out is tabitha suzuma. i’ve only read one book by her, but i remember ppl on goodreads reviewing it and saying its like 418 pages of poetry. she brings out so so so much emotion and all of her characters (even the younger children) are so three dimensional and they honestly felt like real people to me. the story is so so traumatic and hard to read, but i, at least, went thru so so so many strong emotions and sadness and happiness throughout the entire book. not many writers can do that to me and i admire her so so so so much. she took an extremely taboo subject and made it so you actually feel for the characters involved. i wont mention the book due to reasons but if anyone is interested u can message me or w/e!! 

and lastly, i mention her literally every moment of my life and she really is my biggest muse ??? i guess but its nicole dollanganger. she a songwriter which is technically a writer so i think she counts. not many ppl have heard of her bc she basically just came from bandcamp. but she’s been described as being like lana del rey but with way scarier and more horrific lyrics. i listen to a lot of her songs when i write to keep me going tbh. but i wouldnt rec her music to anyone who can be triggered by v*ol*nce and etc!! so keep that in mind

ask me more fanfic q’s!!!

s: any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

i love angsty bffs who are secretly in love with each other but are too much of stubborn and frightened buttholes they never say anything. so they always fight and get jealous and wow … im so weak for this d*mb shit. hmmm also practice kissing tropes and hurt/comfort and ajkdhaskfjasf. im boring ok i know this dont tell me

t: any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

ok so theres not many that i CANT stand, but theres a lot i literally have no interest in. i rly am against anything obviously problematic or gross. so theres that. but in terms of just popular tropes that im not into ??? anything paranormal (which is hilarious bc i love anything else paranormal n that includes books but for some reason in fanfics i just ??? cant do it.) however there have been a few that i love so i wouldnt disregard a fic completely jsut bc it has supernatual elements. i wouldnt disregard a dystopian fic tho maybe. idk wuts wrong with my brain and why it chooses some things and not others aksjfhasfkasf. but anything thats not everyday boring basic ass shit i usually cant get into it rip

so yeah. theres actually way more bc im so so so so picky af to the point where its disgusting brtywgasfjk

u: share three of your favorite fics writers and why you like them so much.

IM CHEATING !!! ok so instead of writers im gonna go w three of my fave fics bc thats easier for me.

1. letters (things unspoken) was the first fic i ever read that i really, really loved. its super heavy and so so sad so be warned if u wanna check it out. listen i didnt just tear up reading this ok. i straight up sobbed like a lil annoying binch and it really really broke my heart and wow. it involves d**th so. and its monsta x fyi

2. when i get weary of the sky is unbelievable. i havent read it in such a long time so i even forget a lot of it but i remember it being so incredible and well-written and asofhasufohas. im not gonna try to get into my reasoning bc as i said its been quite some time since ive read it and i dont want to give it an improper description. but anyway its abt pentagon!

3. desperate inhales;; relaxed exhales is shortish but its so good omg. im surprised it wasnt written by me tbh bc the author has a similar writing style as i do imo. its everything i could ask for in a fic i think. and wow its actually a svt centered fic amazing. which is wild bc 98% of the fics i read are seventeen related but yet 2/3 of the ones i mentioned are writers for different groups oops

idk why but i feel embarrassed if any of these writer have a tumblr and follow me but prob not and idek why i care but im such a shy awkward bean afhjksjkaf

[carmineclock]

> Once upon like a lifetime ago

Scratch 11/11/2018

And so a hush descends upon the city. A shared humbling sending all the dogs - and cats, back home to lick their wounds. You should feel glad for the quiet, it might mean you can finally get some sleep. But despite the wave of temporary peace, you feel unsettled. Theres something in the air. The smell of change, and you dont like it. Its partially your fault, of course. You should have crushed this particular seed of hate a long time ago. At first it seemed like the playings at a relationship, so you'd written it off. But things have progressed far beyond what you expected. How petty do you have to be to hold a grudge for so long. Ahem. Anyway, you have been preparing for the night with your favorite bow tie. The whole Nepeta, Fin, Trace 'thing' has been so volatile you'd really not wanted to go near it with a ten foot pole. As long as they did as their job. But now. You're pissed. A message was sent out to the three regarding Nepeta, inviting them into your office for a discussion. Despite your earlier invitations, this was more like a summons. So you set about preparing the tea, a glass for each of them, three chairs set meticulously in front of your desk for a nice friendly conversation. As an afterthought, you leave the door ajar, a little test to set the mood. That done, you wait.

Trace 11/11/2018

The summon was to be expected. Yet, you really hoped it would be long in coming. But no such luck. Well, fortunately a wheelchair seems to exist. That makes things much easier, even if the stairs are still... a challenge. But you all manage somehow and eventually you get Nepeta down to Scratch's office, where you just quietly push her inside.

Nepeta 11/11/2018

You had been expecting it too, yes. Or to put it more accurately: dreading it. Of course Scratch would eventually talk to you personally about this, you are not stupid. You are aware you only got off the hook so easily last time because of Snowman. Seems that you luck is running out. You are visibly nervous and uncomfortable on the way to his office, seeking out the hand of one your sharks at all times. But eventually you do reach the office and you are not foolish enough to face Scratch while holding hands like a silly little girls. You gulp and try to steel yourself for what's to come. Not like you have much of a choice.

Fin 11/11/2018

The first thing in your head is “i shouldn’t be here” and you really shouldn’t , for once you did nothing wrong but you are sort of worried about Nepeta and Trace because of course he will be worried about her so it’s a chain of people being worried for each other. ”It’s going to be fine, he will probably bark to you for the Droog shit, demand you to stop and be done with it” you shrug trying to diminish the importance of whatever will happen behind those doors. “I already got a bottle of wine waiting for us in the room after this if shit goes bad” You sigh loudly before stepping into the office.

Scratch 11/11/2018

You are sitting at your desk as they walk in, doing your best to look as calm and welcoming as possible. Tonight isnt just about punishment, its about improvement. Kicking someone while they're down rarely motivates, its about reshaping. Its what you'd hoped would happen under Snowman's tutelage. Not to say she did poorly, of course. She did her best. This is solely in the hands of the young troll, the potential she has that hopefully hasnt been thrown away. "Please, sit. You may move aside the chairs." For Nepetas wheelchair. As amusing a spectacle it would be to see Trace lift her and put her into the chair, or for Fin to try, better to just leave well enough alone. "I'm sure you know why you're here. Lets try not to draw this out with unnecessary drama, if it can be helped.  Who would like to start."

Trace 11/11/2018

As soon as he gives permission, you go to work and move some of the chairs aside so you can push Nepeta inbetween them. "Start with what exactly?" you ask as you take a seat yourself.  "How Droog can't leave his dirty fingers off her? First he kidnaps her for petty reasons, which - mind you - are mostly me, then back at the festival he can't help provoke her until someone finally makes him shut up, and not this." You gesture vaguely at Nepeta and the wheelchair. "A vicious backstabbing in a moment of mutual hardship and asssistance. He had a chance to end this and very much refused." Yeah, Nepeta can definitely speak for herself, but you know she's just as anxious about this as you, if not more. Plus, if Doc gets mad at anyone for talking back, you'd rather that one be yourself. "I know you're trying to tell us this needs to stop, but the thing is she never started any of this. So the question should rather be how you intend to keep this sadistic bastard away from us." Despite your words, your voice is fairly calm. Not much need to fake there, either, since the events have left you fairly tired and exhausted.

Nepeta 11/11/2018

It's a good thing that Trace is talking. You are not sure if you could, words were never your biggest talent. Where he has his way with them you usually prefer action... Which is exactly why you are here isn't it? You almost want to stop him, you raise your hand and open your mouth even, but nothing comes out. What do you even have to say? You just want this meeting to be over. "I'm...I'm sorry for all the trouble I have caused, Sir." It's not much. Your voice is far too quiet to really belong to you. You feel like a kid facing their mad parent, and in a way you are. Trace might be able to talk to Scratch like this but you? You are terrified of him.  And you know did wrong.

Fin 11/11/2018

You take a seat and cross your arms over your chest, your entire body is in a position of bitch i will fight everything you say so you rather leave the talk to Trace, he is the one with the big words in this relationship. “Yeah because knowing that leech he won’t stop sucking until she’s dead” you add. “and it’s not fair we have to stand here and watch.”

Scratch 11/11/2018

You listen quietly as each takes their turn to speak, studying them as you sip your tea. Always so defensive right away. You havent accused them of anything yet. "To start off with, check your tone, Three." You shoot him an icy look. " I havent told you anything yet. In fact I would say I've been almost lenient in regards to this quarrel you have. All three of you. I've stayed well and truly out of the way because it was absolutely going to end up a mess. And here we are. Let me ask. Is there a good reason to kidnap? You cant justify amoral things based on your own code of ethics and expect others to adhere to them. So thats how it started. Nepeta was made his victim and you blamed yourself so you got involved. I assume Five was made to be involved just for being connected to her. The question isnt, actually, how am I going to keep him away. Because the answer to it is too simple. I cant. I may be  a man of many talents, but Diamonds is outside my realm of influence. The question, similarly, is not what do I now do with a troublemakers and their grudges. The question that needs to be asked is actually, why did it ever get this far. Ah, see, now theres a far more interesting answer, dont you think?"

Trace 11/11/2018

"Why don't we invite him over so he can tell you? I thought I already explained as much. He's not letting off despite several warnings, and unfortunately the Crew's second-in-command isn't killed that easily, so here we are." You give Fin. Such. A look. What happened of acting like we're not out for blood. You sigh. "Fin is right. This isn't fair."

November 12, 2018

Nepeta 11/12/2018

It's funny, you aren't usually timid by any stretch of the imagination. But right now? Facing Scratch? You are not the fierce predator you want to be. You are reduced to nothing but a scared kitten under his cold stare. The fact that you are vulnerable physically and mentally right doesn't help one bit of course. Fin and Trace are so much louder than you but you do mumble an answer. "I..I lost my temper last time, sir. It won't happen again." The fact that you are apologizing despite the fact that you were already harshly punished by the loss of your legs doesn't even occur to you. You are just scared to get kicked out or worse.

Fin 11/12/2018

Trace’s look reminds of you the plan yourself set for the two. Damn. Well you can’t take those words back now, at least try to act like it’s not a big deal that you really think ain’t fair but you won’t do anything about it, so you look back at him and shrug then lean back on your table and nod at Nepeta's words. You really don't have much to add.

Scratch 11/12/2018

"I forget when the world was ever fair. I didnt realize we dealt in justice and fairness. Is it fair that a perfectly good warrior wastes her formative years on hate when she is brimming with potential? Is it fair that Diamonds started it and now  wont finish it, preferring to play with the shattered pieces of what remains?" The sentence ends sharply,with more heat than you wanted. You sense yourself getting worked up and ease it back a bit. "No, its not. And as much as it hurts, life goes on." You're speaking more directly to Nepeta now, though you're still facing Trace. "You've made your cases. I want a word alone with Ms. Leijon."

Trace 11/12/2018

You grimace some at his response. While it is nice and somewhat rare to hear a compliment like that from him, especially for your beloved girlfriend, it's.. kinda bittersweet, considering the situation. There's more things you want to say, more questions you got for him, especially about what options there are for her now. What plans he got, if any. But you realize these are things you may be able to ask either of them afterwards, so you nod quietly and raise from your seat. You give Nepeta a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder in passing, then leave the room, where you will wait right next to the door.

Nepeta 11/12/2018

Was that...A compliment? You certainly did not expect that at all. Scolding, a punishment, getting thrown on the streets, sure, but a compliment? You don't exactly know what to make of it. You gulp when he asks Fin and Trace to leave. You really don't want to be alone with Scratch, but it's not like you have a choices. Trace's gestures is appreciated but can't exactly ease the anxiety you are dealing with now.

Fin 11/12/2018

Really was that all?. This makes you even more worried for whatever he gotta tell her in private, was he just trying not to make it look like a big deal and will lash out to her when you two are gone or are you just being dramatic as always. You sigh and get up  but before you go you give a quick smooch to Nepeta’s cheek and a pat in the head then leave the room to join Trace outside. Time for the bouncy leg show as you wait.

Scratch 11/13/2018

The prey have gone, leaving only the preditors remaining. So you'd like to think, anyway. Once youre alone, the door closing sharply behind them, you stand. A slow movement, non aggresssive. Despite your distaste for cats, you know their behaviors. You move around your desk and take a seat in a vacated chair across from her. Eye level, face to face. "May I be frank, Ms. Leijon. I dont want this to come off as just another scolding. You've exceeded all expectations, and with the right guidence you could become something fierce. Thats what I wanted for you when Madam Snowman took you under her wing. And it makes me wonder why someone like you would want to waste so much energy on a grudge. Its clear you realize what you're doing is wrong, so why cant you move on. How much more are you going to let this revenge war take from you?" Its a genuine question. You hope your words come across as somewhat genuine. How you must look in her eyes to make her cower so.

Nepeta 11/13/2018

You don't think you've ever gotten this close to Scratch. It's a weird feeling, to have his attention all on you. Despite being a cat you feel more like a mouse. Trapped. At the mercy of a far bigger predator. It's funny, physically there's no question that you are stronger than him, perhaps even in your current state. Mentally though? And that's the kind of game you are playing here. With Scratch it always is, isn't it? You don't quite trust his words. You are used to far harsher words, not just from him. But to be told you have potential? That you are useful? You want to believe that's sincere. In a way you have to. It's hard to look him in the eyes though. "I know... I know this can't go on. I know this can't keep on escalating or it will destroy us..Me and Fin and Trace. I know that." You do. You had plenty of time to think about it in the past days. "But he wronged me. He hurt me, he used me to hurt them. And the he mocked me for my anger. Tried to play it off as some cute little game we play, tried to push me into some weird black situation." It's hard to hide your anger when you talk about him. Your face twists into and ugly scowl and your anxiety is almost forgotten. "I know it was wrong. I just wanted.. No I needed to show him that I'm not just his toy. I'm not going to play his shitty games anymore. I'm not going to just let him get away with it. I can't do that. I can't let him."

Scratch 11/13/2018

You listen in silence until she finishes. So much pain in her voice for someone so young. Diamonds is as much to blame as Nepeta is, of course. Such a waste of time and effort on a silly game. "I know. He wronged you, and the humiliation you felt being helpless at his hands was something you never want to feel again. And you tried to show him, and maybe sometimes you did, but he eggs you on. And you eat up his every words because your hate is blinding you. Of course you hate him. But let that push you to be better. Smarter. Look at your enemy and study their weaknesses. Look at your own limitations and strengths openly. Are you as strong as Diamonds now? No. But one day could you be?" You sit back in your chair, relaxed posture. Let her have a think on that. "As far as Droog is concerned, you are his toy. Because every little provokation gets a response. Something to stir the pot with. Is it fair that your honest emotion is used against you? No. But we learn. We grow. Every time you let that anger get the better of you,you give Droog everything he wants."

Nepeta 11/13/2018

That...all actually makes perfect sense. It's something to think about indeed. It's obvious you are doing just that by the way you  knit your brows and chew on your lips. "You are right Sir. And I've been trying. I've been trying so damn hard to ignore him. Even when I met him at the festival, I tried to keep it low but then...He just had to show off his damn trophies.  And I just lost it. I just..." You make a frustrated sound somewhere between a groan and a growl. "I want him dead. I want to be the one who ends him. That's my end goal, not...Not what has been happening lately. I know it's not the time to kill him yet. That's why I didn't, even when I could have. " You sigh. "I know I have to work on this. Channel my anger into something more useful. For myself, for them.  It's been... It's been hard."

Scratch 11/13/2018

You're getting there. Slowly, you're unraveling this complicated web of emotion and hate, and laying it before you in neat, workable strands. Its been a while since you deigned to work one on one with someone, after the whole Itchy thing you'd been working on for years went up in smoke. It was always going to be volatile at best. "I do understand, you know. How hard it is. Learning to adapt in any environment can be difficult, but trying to adjust yourself in the midst of those two acting like you're infallable and that nothing is wrong. Getting contrasting validation  for emotions you think you have no control over. And you're right. Nepeta, you cant control your emotions." Its a lesson you try to teach all your children. Not that she has suddenly joined those ranks, of course, but its worth her knowing. "You cant control your emotions, that is why they are emotions. They happen naturally, without warning or apology. You cant ignore Droog because to do so is to tell yourself that your emotions arent there, and we must never do that. We have to take agency over what we can control, which is our reaction to our emotions. Be honest with yourself. Accept that these emotions are there, and that you know theyre strong, and that they hurt, but that you can move forward even with the pain. Tell your heart that your brain hears and understands whats its going through."

You put a hand to your chest, where your heart would be, and sigh quietly. You cant bear to see youth wasted, thats the whole reason for this in the first place. Its why you take in kids and reshape them. They end up lost, otherwise. Like Nepeta. Hopefully its not too late for her. "Learn to control your reactions to your emotions, while still accepting theyre there and so powerful. Its okay to get angry, but if you let the anger consume you, you lose yourself. It becomes all you are, all you ever will be,  and I speak personally when I say that is not something I want to happen. More importantly, though, nothing will stick it to Droog more than seeing his 'little toy' stay cool under his pressures for an explosion."

Nepeta 11/13/2018

He just has to keep making sense doesn't he? You listen to everything he says, the feeling of guilt clearly written on your face. He's right and you know it. You feel ashamed that you have to be told all of this but he is right. It takes a you a moment to reply. "I will... I will work on it, sir. " You don't quite want to admit out loud to Scratch that you think he is right abut Fin and Trace's role in this too. It's true, you have been fueling each others rage instead of calming each other down. That's not what Moirails are supposed to do and it just now starts to dawn on you. "I can't let Droog ruin us like that, I know that. He doesn't deserve that privilege. And in time... We will get our revenge. Good things come those who wait yes? " You hope that is what he wants to hear. Both because you suddenly feel like you care much more about his opinion and because you want to avoid possible punishment. You won't ever not want Droog dead but you know the Felt are going to be the winning team in this war. You have to believe that after all. The alternative isn't something you even want to spend a thought on.

Scratch 11/13/2018

She has the right idea, anyway. All of this emotional nonsense only matters if the person involved is willing to put in the effort to change. Its not enough to just know what you have to do, its having the strength and willpower go through with it. No matter how difficult. Now if you were her teacher...well, it depends on the pupil as well. Some just refuse to be taught. "And while we're waiting, we can plan. I know what you must think of me, Ms. Leijon. I dont make myself very easy to like, and I apologize if my men gave you the wrong idea about me. I am here to support the Felt, which you are very much a part of. I want you to be the best you can be, and I know how to help you become that. If you'll allow me, I can start you down the path that will lead to your future. And if you decide that future holds a Diamonds-based revenge, then so be it." You put up a hand at the end of your sentence, a little sharply, but mostly for effect. You want her to take her time with this one. "Don't give me your answer now. Consider everything I've said. Consider how you are right now, and what you want to be in the future. If you cant picture it, ask yourself why. Take the next few days to really think about my proposition. I may not be able to offer you everything you want, but I can give you anything you need. If you dont want my help, you have to find a way to show me you're serious about becoming a better version of yourself."

This is the turning point. You've set the line out after successfully detangling the scenario. At this point you're almost more mad at Trace and Fin for their roles in this. A girl is traumatized by a kidnapping to the point she has to spend her life on payback to cope with the pain and fear she felt, and these two idiots are sitting there encouraging her instead of trying to calm her rage. "Until you have an answer, you're temporarily shelved. You may continue to live in the mansion because my philosophy is to generally take pity on the differently abled,plus you match the carpets, but I wont have you going out into the field where your actions represent and threaten my entire business. I will not continue waste any more medical equipment or personnel, or time on this. No flashy punishments, just a cut off. I'd say your own actions have punished you far more than I ever could. And if you do manage to find a way to fix whats been done, consider it a gift not to be wasted."

Nepeta 11/13/2018

You open your mouth to protest the whole shelving thing but...You can't really protest that at all can you? He's right about everything. You are useless right now in any event, so it's not even a big difference. But your need to be useful is just so damn high it barely slips anyways. You swallow the protests down and answer. "Yes, sir. I have...I have a lot to think about." Mostly about what you think of Scratch and your relationship with Fin and Trace. You never expected to get out of this talk with some sort of? Respect? For Scratch budding in your mind. Or that you would begin to question how stable your pale relationship is. It really is quite a lot to process.

Scratch 11/13/2018

Good. You hope she will think about it, and not let the opinions of those around her sway her choices. This all could have gone far worse, so you're glad for that. Maybe she'll listen. Maybe she wont. But the offer has been handed across the table, nothing left to do but wait. "Yes, you do. Now, as far as those two are concerned, you may tell them as little or as much as you wish to. Just make sure whatever you bring to me as your answer is because of your choices, not theirs." That said, you pat her twice on the head, smile, and stand. Back around the desk you go, taking your seat for the continuation of the trial. "Alright, gentleman, you can come back in." You call to your door, knowing full well that theyve been standing outside the entire time. With ears pressed to the wall, no doubt.

Trace 11/13/2018

You didn't listen in, at least not on purpose, and they've talked fairly quiet most of the time (which is as much unsettling as it is relieving). But you trust Nepeta to tell you all that is important. (Though, you also know well Scratch can play with someone's mind and you worry about all the subtle things he may try put into her head.) Anyway, you give Fin a nod and open the door again and walk up to right behind Nepeta, eyes on Doc. "Anything else?"

November 14, 2018

Fin 11/14/2018

You would usually be the kind to even bring the glass to not miss a word but not right now. You figured that Nepeta would bitch all about it later and the sound of your bouncy leg on the floor was enough to keep you entertained for the time beings. You go in and stand next to Nepeta hand on her shoulder.  Somehow it feels strange that the air is not filled with either fear or anger or any of the sort. Makes you regret not to have listened with more attention.

Scratch 11/14/2018

"Nepeta has been shelved. Until such a time as previously discussed between us, she will not partake in any field work. Along with that, until then, I am barring her from Felt resources in regards to any future problems with Droog or otherwise. And let me just say this plainly, as I'm sure you and I will be speaking privately soon, Trace. Shame on you. Shame on both of you. Choosing to care about your own emotions over whats best for you partner. And if you didnt know, or chose not to realize, then you're idiots. Dissmissed, all of you."