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emmyhem · 3 years

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always (l.r.h)

a/n: hi everyone! this is a lil angsty piece i wanted to get up. i just want to say again how sorry i am for not getting anything up for the past two weeks, i’ve just been overwhelmed with some stuff for my classes, but i am starting to get back in the swing of things now. also, this is unedited as i was rushing to get it up in time. i do plan on posting something else tomorrow night and hopefully i’ll be posting pretty consistently from now on. also this does end kind of abruptly but i wanted to leave it like that because i’m a sucker for angst, with that being said i would be happy to write a part two if that’s something you’d be interested in. anyway, feedback and comments are appreciated as always and i hope you’re all having an amazing day/night. enjoy! - emmy <33

pairing: luke hemmings x fem!reader

summary: luke recounts his mistake and hopes he can patch things up with his always.

warnings: very brief mention of sex, cursing, mentions of alcohol, luke’s being an asshole, mention of pinching (idk), slight insecurity from the reader, lots of angst :(

word count: 2.6k

Luke had always hated the quiet. That’s when his thoughts were the loudest. That must be why he had never really liked being alone with himself.

Tonight in particular, his thoughts were practically screaming, one word over and over again.

“Y/n”

For the past two years that name had acted as his most favorite word, one that he would utter whenever he had gotten the chance. Whether it be to brag about your recent accomplishments to his friends, to catch your attention from another room, or falling from his lips with a sigh of pleasure as he reached completion with you laying breathlessly beneath him.

Now the word seemed torturous, the last time he uttered it replaying on a relentless loop in his head.

It was your 2nd anniversary. Dinner had been laid out on the table for an hour. Two glasses of wine sat untouched in front of a vase of roses you had picked out at the florist earlier that morning, and there was no sign of Luke.

You were wracking through your brain as you watched a petal fall from a rose and land lightly in one of the glasses.

Had you gotten the time wrong?

But you were sure that the two of you had agreed on 8:00 for dinner, that way you had time to get everything ready after getting home from work, and Luke wouldn’t have to rush to leave the studio.

Yet somehow you found yourself staring at the now cold dinner at 9:30, with absolutely no word from Luke. You wanted to call, if for no other reason than to check he was still alive and breathing, but your nerves stopped you from doing that, not wanting to take on the role of the overbearing girlfriend.

Your stomach growled hungrily over the light music that was playing through the house speakers. So, begrudgingly you took a bite of the pasta on your plate before downing your entire glass of wine.

Luke arrived home about 2 hours later, a bouquet of your favorite flowers in hand. He caught sight of the table, with one setting completely untouched as he hung up his coat, causing guilt to pang in his chest.

“Baby,” he called out, carrying himself to your shared bedroom.

When no response came his heart rate sped up in fear that you had left.

“Y/n” he called, louder this time with a sense of urgency clear in his voice.

That’s when he spotted a person sized lump underneath the duvet. Releasing a sigh of relief he moved towards you, peeling the blankets off and leaving a soft kiss on your shoulder.

This caused you to stir a bit, eyes fluttering open to meet him.

“Hi, my love.” he cooed.

A frown was prominent on your face, and a crease separated your eyebrows as they furrowed angrily.

“I’m sorry I’m late. We got a bit carried away in the studio, but in good news the album is coming along great. M’so excited for you to hear it”

You had always tried to be understanding of Luke’s job for many reasons. One being that you both reaped the benefit of his success, you wanted for essentially nothing, had a nice house, the opportunity to travel, and Luke often spoiled you with gifts even if you asked him not to. Another being how happy it made your boyfriend. Music truly was his passion, and he was so talented that you wouldn’t want for him to ever put his work on the back burner for you.

With that being said, you made a point to take time off to spend time with him whenever you were able to. You had even changed jobs because your last one hadn’t allowed you to go on tour with him, which he had been adamant about, insisting, “There’s no way I can be away from you for that long.”

And you were happy to do all of those things, because you were in love, and you felt incredibly lucky to even be a part of his world. But you did start to question things as your relationship went on. It felt like Luke didn’t even consider your job. He only saw it as something that took you away from him.

You had worked hard to get where you were in the occupational field. Without your job all you would have to do is sit around and wait for Luke to be ready for you, and you just couldn’t live like that.

Luke turned on the lamp on your nightstand as you slowly sat up in bed.

“2 weeks Luke, we’ve had these plans for two weeks.”

“I know baby I tried, but you know how it is when inspiration strikes.” he dismissed while sitting the flowers on the ground.

“No, I don’t. Do you not think that I have things I could be doing for work? Cause I do, and I choose this over all of that.” you huffed in frustration.

Luke took a deep breath while subtly rolling his eyes.

“Y/n, I’m sorry for missing dinner, but you don’t understand the pressure I’m under, from the fans, the label, management, and the band.”

“I know that you work hard and I know how important this is to you, and I’m so proud of you, but I’m proud of us too and I would’ve liked to have a night for just us.” you tried to explain. “Not to mention the fact that I’m under pressure in my job too and I always find time for you, no matter what.”

“Yea, you have pressure from a job that you don’t need.” his voice rising in anger with each word as he paced around the room.

“How many times do I have to tell you Luke? It’s my job, it’s a part of my life and I don’t plan on giving it up anytime soon.” you shouted.

“Great.” he replied sarcastically. “Then you should understand that I won’t give up my job anytime soon.”

“I’m not asking you to, I’m just asking for a bit of consideration, and just a sliver of your time.”

“I’m working to make us more money.” he stated.

“Luke, we don’t need any more money. You should be working because you enjoy it and because it’s your passion.”

He let out a condescending laugh before turning to look in your eyes.

“Yea, well you don’t seem to mind all the money when you're sitting at home in the house that I bought, and leeching off of my bank account on the daily. D’ya think you could afford all the shit you have just based on your salary?” he spat crudely.

You physically leaned back as if the words had just actually been thrown at you. They must’ve, because the pain they caused felt far too real to just be emotional. You opened your mouth to fight back, to scream, to do something but the lump in your throat prevented anything to come out other than a sad, and pathetic squeak.

Was that what he thought about you?

This had caught you completely off guard. Sure, you were expecting an argument, you’d even say you were expecting a big one, but you would’ve never guessed he would throw this in your face.

You felt betrayed. It had always made you insecure that you were making such little money compared to your boyfriend.

Some days after receiving your paycheck you would go out and spend it all on Luke, solely because you wanted to know that you could contribute too. You would do that whenever you got the chance, to reassure that your work was important, and valid. And mainly to show Luke that you appreciated all he did for you.

He would always reply, “You don’t have to do this, love. I like spoiling my girl.”

Yeah right.

“I wasn’t, I m-mean I don’t try to lee-,” you paused, the word feeling too gross to repeat back.

“Well, you do whether you're trying or not so the least you can do is give me a break occasionally.” he spoke casually, while changing into sweats as if he wasn’t ripping you apart with every word.

You kept a blank stare at the bedroom door, your eyes already stinging with unshed tears. You wished you could be angrier but his words left you questioning and feeling guilty.

As hard as you’d tried to provide for yourself and make your own way you couldn’t help but wonder if you had subconsciously started leaning on him, more than you had ever wanted.

Luke continued getting ready for bed, not taking a second look at you since hitting you with his harsh words.

“I-I’m sorry.” you croaked.

“It’s fine, Y/n I just wish you could’ve been slightly more understanding.” he continued, still not facing you.

“I think that maybe, I mean, um I gotta go.” you were speaking through tears, as you abruptly stood from the bed and hurried to leave the room.

This caught Luke’s attention causing him to spin in your direction at lightning speed, finally taking in your emotional state.

“Going? Going where? I-what are you talking about?”

You didn’t reply, grabbing your keys, bag, and shoes as you continued to speed to the front door.

“Y/n!” he continued, following closely behind you.

You paused at the front door and turned to meet his eyes. His stressed appearance subsided as you allowed him the opportunity to talk.

“You’re upset.” he concluded, reaching a hand out to hold your cheek.

You leaned away from his touch and shook your head lightly, “M’not.”

His features softened and he took another step closer to you, “You are. I’m sorry, I was harsh.”

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know?”

“I don’t want t-to leech” you stuttered out.

This rendered Luke speechless, realizing how cruel his words had been. You had taken this as an opportunity to exit the house, quickly running to your car. Luke made it to the driveway just in time to see you drive away.

“Fuck” he snapped, jogging back towards the house to get his phone and call you in hopes of convincing you to come back.

After calling you at least 20 times with no response he conceded and decided he should try and get some sleep, that way he was rested enough to get you to forgive him in the morning.

His body fell naturally to his side of the bed, but his eyes lingered on where you typically laid.

Rolling onto his back, eyes finding the ceiling he muttered to himself, “I’m an idiot.”

Eventually he was tiring out, the bedroom ceiling growing extremely boring after staring for so long. He turned on his side to hug your pillow to his chest. As his hand slid under the pillow it came into contact with an envelope that had been hidden underneath.

He sat up and flicked on a lamp to read the front, “To my Lu”

He could tell that you had taken your time penciling on your words, each letter was flawless and written delicately. Before ripping it open he hesitated, questioning whether or not he even deserved to see what was inside after the way he spoke to you. The selfish part of his brain won for the second time that night.

The first thing he saw after opening was two airline tickets situated just in front of a folded piece of notebook paper.

He held his breath as he brought them into the light, two roundtrip business tickets to Sydney.

He rushed to read the note you had left with them, unfolding it quickly.

“Lu,

Happy two years, my love. I can’t believe I’ve been lucky enough to call you mine for this long. Not a day goes by where I’m not in complete and utter awe of you and everything you do for me. I know how hard you work and how much you miss home and your family while you continue to grow in your music, and in yourself everyday. I know these aren’t the best tickets you’ve ever had by any means or the most extravagant vacation you’ve taken, but I wanted to show you how much I love you and how much I know you deserve, and need a break. We have 2 weeks, we leave tomorrow. I’ve worked it all out with the guys and your label. I know this is just a small way to repay you for the way you’ve taken care of me and the way you’ve loved me so selflessly for so long but I hope it shows you just a sliver of how much I love you.

Yours always,

Y/n”

He traced the letters of your name repeatedly as he blinked back a few stinging tears, before falling asleep, the note clutched tightly to his chest.

That was a week, and about 100 missed calls ago.

About two days after you left, your friend had called to let him know that you were safe and staying with her for the time being. It had slightly lessened his worry, but the guilt he felt grew exponentially each day he had no reason to say your name.

He had claimed your side of the bed as his own in hopes that it would bring you closer to him. When he had finally dragged himself out of bed to shower he used your body wash and as embarrassing as it sounds nearly cried when the room was flooded with the familiar rose scented steam. And tonight while scouring through the liquor cabinet and feeling completely sorry for himself he had come across a bottle of tequila that you had purchased on your most recent vacation.

Luke had put a serious dent in it by the time he was done scrolling through all of his pictures of you, and his finger began to itch with the need to call you.

Through blurry and clouded eyes he located your contact, a breath hitching in his throat when he clicked the call button.

With each unanswered ring he pinched his wrist, willing himself to wake up and discover this was all just some horrible nightmare, that he would just roll over and see you curled up next to him, warm, and sweet, and perfect. So fucking perfect.

“You’ve reached y/n. Sorry I can’t get to the phone, leave a message and I’ll get back to you. Thanks”

But it’s not his nightmare that got him here, it’s his mistake.

“Y/n,” he croaked, his voice hoarse and scratchy as he hasn’t used it much in the past couple of days.

“I don’t know what to do anymore, I miss you and I’m sorry. I-” his heart was pounding and his intoxication numbed him from the feeling of the hot tears that streamed down his face as he continued. “M’selfish baby. I’m so selfish and I was talking out of my ass that night, of course you’re not leeching. That’s fucking ridiculous, you couldn’t be, I give you nothing compared to what you give me. I just don’t know how to admit I’m wrong and the money is bullshit, it doesn’t matter, we could both live without it.” his chest felt tight as he took a large gulp of air. “I-I can’t live without you, really I don’t think I can. I need you and I love you. I love you so much. Just please come home to me, please baby. I need you with me, and I want to fucking give you the world and I know you don’t need me to give it to you. I want to. I just-I want to give you everything, anything. You can have it all. It’s yours. I’m yours, alwa-” his pleads were cut off by the dial tone.

“Always.” he repeated, staring at the black screen.

pt. 2

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genoc1d3r · 3 years

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my turn to cry - thoughts on 3-1b

ok this has actually gotta be my favorite chapter cause holy shit so much stuff happened.

I played the Alice/kanna route and afterwards I watched a vod with the reko/shin route in which ranmaru and naomichi died before the banquet, so BIG SPOILER WARNING FOR BOTH ROUTES

Mafia Princess Sara??: Ok so first off, back in the beginning of 2020, I had a theory that Sara was a mafia heiress and that the death game was supposed to be something to “prepare” her. And that her memories were wiped or she was initially supposed to be kept blind to this whole thing (In 3-1a when everybody saw the consent form for the very first time everybody felt a sense of deja vu, except for Sara. Because why would they need her consent when she is the sole focus of the game and it’s all for her) This theory was mainly supplied by my confusion surrounding the hiring of Kai, cause why would mr Chidouin hire a former assassin to protect her?? How did he even know Kai??? But yeah, the whole thing with Shinobu Gokujo and deciding a new don through a death game just adds a lil more validity to this theory.

Sara’s real father: I also had a mini theory that Gashu Satou was her real father, but that was mostly cause of their hair color and how it would def make Sara’s hair color make more sense genetics-wise (but kai has black hair, so its most likely that his mother had black hair, which would also disprove this mini-theory but yk im not here to prove it just talk about it). And that Gashu knew of Mr. Chidouin and gave Sara to him, and it would also explain why mr Chidouin chose Kai of all people to look after her and why Kai could only watch her from a distance, in case she realized the truth that he was her brother/half-brother or something.

GREENBLINGS CANON AAAAAAAA: I love this, I love this so much oh my god. Now I can replay and cry after 2-2 cause nankidai hates us :’). I dont have an issue with this specifically, I’m just a bit bothered by how the whole thing went. There was some buildup yea, and the cg with kanna, kugie, and shin was amazing. And that lil bit about nice hallucinations made me tear up a bit. But, then everybody kinda just moved on? and idk this whole chapter was a fuckign roller coaster I could barely keep up.

Autistic Gin <3: I’m autistic myself and I have seen many characters who are autistic-coded or exhibit many signs of autism but have never been straight up confirmed (Ex: Vera Misham from Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney). And even then, these characters usually share similar personality traits like being aloof and reserved. So it’s nice to see that Gin is representing autism in a relatively realistic manner with his hyperfixations, vocal tics, and issues with socializing. Even after nearly dying like 17 times he’s still doing well and I genuinely wish for his survival and happiness.

Ranmaru’s death: Both of Ranmaru’s deaths, (if you or if you don’t fail the electricity absorption minigame) the death feels so... off? I was really attached to him as a character, yet his death didn’t impact as much as Joe’s or Nao’s did. During his Banquet death, one second he had his really cute smiling sprite but then whoops oh no guys weird drill screw thing kills him (again). I still can barely comprehend it because it all just happened so fast. Like no cg or anything. I was honestly kinda disappointed. The “delayed” one does a better job at his death scene, but again, it was wayyy too quick and completely dismissed as everybody just moves on to defeat Maple 2.0. I at least would’ve appreciated a better transition than Midori just saying “well anyways–”

Ranmaru’s extremely quick descent into madness in the shin route: I actually liked this idea of Ranmaru willing to go to such extremes for Sara. However, theres barely time for any of this to develop? Like again, everything just happens so fast??? I would've definitely liked if there were little hints around before the body discovery that ranmaru was gonna do something like this, just a little time for development would really be cool.

Mr. Policeman/Mr. Tazuna???: After I finished, I actually looked on the wiki to see if it said anything about his son that he mentioned and I found this:

But yeah thats cool

The thing about Q-taro: I’m gonna say it now, I’ve liked Q-taro ever since the aftermath of 1-2, and Q-taro haters have added absolutely nothing to this fandom. Everybody saw him as a child-hater, I see him as a guy who’ll do anything to survive and succeed. I mean that wish is kinda what got him into the death game. And yeah he did try to leave that one time, but that’s what getting thrown into traumatic killing games does for you, most people don’t want to die, they want to live, no matter what it takes. We can’t all be the main character and choose to cooperate with everybody and be the “good” person in that situation. Even Sara has those extremely selfish moments and those intrusive thoughts of winning and leaving.

This whole thing should also be applied to Ranmaru. Ranmaru has gone through so much shit in such a brief amount of time, to the point where he was considering to/actually kill people to escape with the one person he trusted in this hellhole. In that situation, Sara’s kinda at fault here, cause without Joe she’s lost her sense of morality which resulted in her becoming selfish and well... honestly kinda toxic. This emotional manipulation is really what set Ranmaru off, however it was 100% his decision to fucking kill somebody and murder’s bad. Still love him though.

But back to Qtaro, I really enjoyed the extra substance given to him in this chapter, it’s nice to see the development from being selfish to feeling deep remorse to protecting the dolls of the first trial victims, most notably Mai. As he completely forgives her for stabbing him. The chapter did a great job at fueling my already intense love for Q-taro (and it actually convinced my best friend who claims to hate Q-taro with every bone of her body to like him too!) I also love the father-son dynamic between him and Gin. I find this relationship to be really important cause Gin’s father is an abusive alcoholic and Q-taro’s an orphan who’s never had a proper role-model in his life. So it’s beautiful that despite not having anybody there for him when he was younger he can still be a good figure for another child.

Predictions/hopes for the next part:

I just want to see whether Shin already knew about Kanna being his sister, and if he doesn’t I want a reveal. Right. Now.

A Ranmaru/Joe/Q-taro/Kai/ “Hinako” revival, p l e a se they died so soon

More info about the people involved in the Hades Incident/Shinobu Gokujo

More info regarding Meister

Sara going on Maury

Who tf is “Hinako”????

I really hope that there isn't any specific good/bad ending. Like I want every ending to be equally bad and good yk? like equal consequences and good stuff.

Yo wtf happened to Sara’s mom?? Is she gonna come back and play a more important role in the story?? Are her parents gonna come back as floor masters???

I want things to actually change depending on whether you picked Alice or reko, cause so far they’ve played extremely minor roles.

#3 1b spoilers #yttd #yttd spoilers #q taro burgerberg #sara chidouin #ranmaru kageyama #joe tazuna #gin ibushi #kai satou #keiji shinogi #alice yabusame #reko yabusame #shin tsukimi #midori yttd #kanna kizuchi #greenblings #sou hiyori #mai tsurugi

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write-orflight · 4 years

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Settle Down: Prologue

**Gif Not Mine**

Prev - Next

Pairings: SpencerXReader (kinda enemies to lovers)

Rating: M

Words: 2.5K

Warnings: None, will be smut in eventual chapters

Request: OPEN/CLOSED

Summary: Y/N and Spencer don’t get along but turn to each other for the one thing you need someone else for... A baby. You can plantonically start a family, right?

A.N: this is a bad bio but idk how else to put it. it’s a baby fic! I wouldn’t say this is enemies to lovers but they certainly don’t like each other at first so it kinda is. comment on this chap or message to be on the taglist. much love, Cia

Prologue: A Powerpoint, Really?

If you had told 16 year old Y/N that she’d be working at the FBI, she would’ve called you batshit.

Not only, did you not have any respect for authority or any inclination for rules in that matter, working for the FBI was never in the forefront of your mind. But when given the option of Jail or a full time job with benefits, it was fairly easy to make a choice. You remember the first day when you met your work partner and now best friend Penelope Garcia or specifically the day she caught you.

You were waiting tables like you did every weekend to stay afloat. Today was unreasonably slow so you were just finding small things to do. That’s when she came in, an extremely brightly dressed woman, sat at the bar of the diner.

“Hi, how can I help you?” You smile at the woman who looks up at you and smiles.

“Yes, I’m looking for the Emerald City.” She says, smirking at you. Your face drops, you knew what she was talking about.

When you started hacking it was only supposed to be a one time thing. You grew up poor, spent most of your life poor so when you saw your childhood home was set to be demolished to build a fancy new headquarters for Scotty Realins, an upcoming asshole tech CEO, without a cent going to your parents. Something in you snapped. You had already been pretty decent at code and you flirted with a couple of guys in your STEM classes to learn how to hack so you would say you were pretty good at this point. So you hacked into the website and made sure all the Revenue for that day actually was wired to lower-income housing. At the end of the day, it was only a couple hundred thousand dollars but what was pennies to Scotty Realins changed some people's lives.

So you started doing it more, to different companies under the pseudonym OZ. The money always went to different places that needed it whether it was paying the rent for a bunch of families or anonymous large donations to food banks or soup kitchens. You gained a bit of fame in the hacker community as a modern day Robin Hood.

All good things come to an end though. And the end was standing in front of you in clunky, rainbow colored jewelry.

“You don’t look like a cop.” you say, crossing your arms.

“I’ll do you one better.” She says, pulling her FBI badge out, showing it to you briefly. You curse under your breath. “I’ve been following you for a while, OZ. Though I wasn’t expecting the man behind the curtain to be a woman. I will say, having my computers route back to a loop of “We’re not in Kansas anymore.” everytime I tried to track your IP was impressive. I couldn’t even be mad about it.”

“Clearly not that impressive because you found me.”

“Still took me longer than usual, which is saying a lot.”

“This is a really long winded conversation if you’re just here to arrest me.” You say, taking off your apron. No use in keeping it on if you were going to be in handcuffs soon.

“That’s because I’m not here to arrest you. I’m here to offer you a job, to work under me as a Tech Analyst in the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI.” Penelope says.

“And if I don’t want to?”

“Then you’re going to want a lawyer and my very good handsome friend outside is going to arrest you. You’re smart and you have a chance to help people which is why you started hacking in the first place, right? Please don’t make me do that.” She looked at you pleadingly like she really cared and didn’t want you to go to prison. You didn’t say anything but something told you she’d been in the same boat as you before.

“Hmmm…. I’m tired of waiting tables anyway.”

So you uprooted your life and moved from Philadelphia to Quantico. Garcia took you under her wing and pretty soon the two of you functioned in her batcave like a well oiled machine. You could do without the constant gore that filled your screens but at the end of the day, you loved what you were doing and you wouldn’t change that for the world.

The team was an added bonus, it was nice to have your own little found family. Garcia, of course, taking on the role as best friend mere days after your first meeting. You met Derek Morgan right after you agreed to take the job, he’d been there to arrest you and was very glad he wouldn’t have to do that. He told you often about how you reminded him of his sister and he regarded you in the role of younger sister from that day on. The next person you met had been Aaron Hotchner, your new boss. It took him a couple of weeks to warm up to you, you guessed he had a difficulty trusting new people and when he would call you guys for information he would always ask for Garcia instantly instead of you, not very trusting in your skills yet. Though that changed when you had been the one to track down the Unsub once.

Rossi was easily won over when you told him about your Italian side of the family, specifically your grandmother who loved to cook and left you a lot of recipes. You and him often went back and forth in sharing dishes. Emily and JJ had also been easily won over with one bottle of tequila and a regrettable girls night.

Then there was Dr. Spencer Reid.

You had a lot of opinions on Dr. Reid, most of them weren’t good. It wasn’t like you hated him in fact, you’d consider him a friend but the two of you seemed to butt heads on well, everything. Both of you needing to be the smartest in the room and neither of you wanting to admit when you’re wrong will do that though. You still respected Spencer though, he was an extreme asset to the team and he was your best friend’s other best friend so you couldn’t really hate the guy.

You also didn’t have to like him.

So you had a good job, good friends, a nice house to live in. You were finally happy, content even. So why did it feel like something was missing?

The something missing came in a stroller pushed by JJ the next week.

The last case had been rough. Really rough. So while the team was on their way back you and Garcia hatched a plan for JJ to come visit from maternity leave and surprise everyone with the baby. While you guys were waiting for them to land, Garcia wanted to show JJ something she had gotten her godson so JJ asked if you could watch him and feed him until she got back, which you obviously agreed to. As you were feeding the child his bottle, and his ravioli sized fist wrapped around your finger you realized what had been missing.

Fuck, you wanted a kid.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

You told Garcia first, it slipped when she noticed how off you were being. You wanted to have a kid bad now and you knew you didn’t want to wait. Penny tried to convince you that you’d “find the right person” but let’s face it, with this job, long term relationships were few and far inbetween. Plus you didn’t need a man, you had a good job and insurance, you knew you could provide a child with a life full of love it deserved. So you made an appointment at a fertility clinic. As the doctor was talking to you about your options, you felt yourself feeling more and more down about your decision and that only increased as you looked in the book of sperm donors in front of you. You looked at too many serial killers daily that it made you uneasy, carrying a stranger's baby. Maybe Garcia was right and your best bet was to wait for ‘the right guy.’ Even though you really didn’t want to.

You walked into work later, a little sullen. Heading immediately towards the coffee machine. Penelope, who had been at Derek’s desk, makes a beeline towards you.

“So how’d it go?” She says, smiling. “Did you make an appointment to be baby-fied?”

You sigh. “I couldn’t do it, Pen.” You say, frowning. “I just-- We see so much here that I don’t want to accidentally end up with a sociopath’s baby because I couldn’t wait.”

“But you don’t want to wait, do you?” She says softly, empathizing with you.

“No, I don’t.” You sigh again, finishing making your cup before walking back out into the bullpen. JJ had brought Henry again for the others to see on the slow paperwork day. You tried not to look bitter but it was like she was flaunting the one thing you couldn’t have, even if it was unintentional. You watched as she handed the baby to Spencer, who instantly smiled and made faces at the laughing baby.

“Spencer is actually a surprisingly good godfather.” Garcia says, smiling at the exchange in front of you. “Kinda makes you wonder what he’d be like with his own baby geniuses.” She says before walking over to the group and scooping her godson out of Spencer’s arms, Spencer still held on to his fist with his pinky, smiling down at the child.

“Yea…” You say, to no one in particular.

You had an idea. A probably bad one.

-------------------------------------------------------

You were sitting in the coffee shop, nervously fiddling on your laptop while waiting for Spencer. You were surprised he even agreed to meet with you for coffee though you were sure he was just doing it out of curiosity because you told him you had something important to talk about. You weren’t even sure if you were going about this the right way. Hey Spencer, I know we’re not even friends but how would you feel about fathering my child? God, this was going to be terrible.

You looked up when you heard the tell-tale bell on the door indicating someone walking in. Spencer gave you a small wave before going to the counter to get a coffee. You took that time to nervously sip yours. Your heart was beating a mile a minute, it was now or never.

“Hey.” Spencer says, when he finally gets to the table, coffee in hand. “Why are you all the way in the corner?”

“This isn’t really a conversation I want overheard.”

Spencer tilts his head confused at that. “So what is the conversation we’re supposed to be having. I asked Garcia but she seemed to also have no idea.”

“Yea, I didn’t tell her on account of this maybe going extremely bad.” You say, before sighing and turning your laptop around so Spencer could see the Powerpoint screen you have on it. When he reads it, he chokes on his coffee.

“A Powerpoint, really?” He chokes, still coughing around the coffee. “Y/N, what is this?”

“This is Reasons Why You Should Make a Baby With me.”

“Yea, I got that from the title, Y/N.” He says, still shocked. “Is this a joke?!”

“I wish it was, Reid.”

“Can I at least ask why you thought a Powerpoint was the best way to ask?”

“Because I felt you’d be more inclined to consider it if you knew I spent time on a presentation.”

“That’s true.” He leans back, taking a sip of his coffee, gesturing for you to continue. You hit the next slide.

“Ok, reason number one is we both want kids.” You say, looking at him. “Garcia told me the other day that you were talking about how much you wanted a kid and I also want a kid.”

“I did tell Garcia that.” He muses.

“Reason two, an offspring between us would probably result in another genius. As you know, you are smart.”

“Yes.”

“And I am smarter.” You say, Spencer opens his mouth to protest but you keep talking. “A child between us could probably be the next Einstein.”

Spencer nods and you continue. “Reason three, I’d be a great mom.”

“That’s a debatable fact.”

“No, it’s not. You’ve seen me around kids, have I ever given an inclination that I wouldn’t be?” You ask, he shakes his head. “Plus, I happen to think you’d be a great father. Which brings me to Reason 4.” You say clicking through the next slide. “If you don’t want to be involved in raising that’s fine. I’m perfectly fine raising the child myself an--”

“What?! No!” Spencer says, sitting up. “If I do agree to have this baby, which I’m not completely doing yet. I want to be involved, I want them to know I’m their father and that I didn’t abandon them because I know what that’s like.” He says, seriously. You nod, already knowing this about Spencer.

“Reason 5: I’d be the perfect platonic co-parent, I won’t ask you for anything unless it’s pertaining to the child and if you decide that later down the road you want your own family, I’d be supportive and help you along the way.”

Spencer nods. “We’re never home enough for a baby.”

“That’s where you’re wrong because I’ll be here. I mainly stay here anyway and if there’s ever a case where you need a tech analyst to fly out, Garcia’s already agreed to have it already be her when I floated the baby idea around last month.”

Spencer hummed, silent for a second. “You really want a kid, huh?”

“Yes.” You say.

“So much so you’re asking me?” Spencer says, matter-of-factly. “A Coworker you barely speak to?”

Well, when he says it like that.

“Yes. I’m asking because while we don’t get along the best you are still one of the most compassionate, understanding men I know. And I know that if I have to raise this kid with somebody, you would love them just as much as I would.” You say, Spencer nods at that. “So, please?”

Spencer sighs. “When’s your next appointment? At the fertility clinic?”

You didn’t even want to ask how he knew about that. “Next tuesday.”

He nods. “I’m going with you.” He says, standing, pulling the strap of his messenger bag over his shoulder. “This isn’t a yes.”

“It’s not a no, either.” You point out.

“No, it’s not.” He says, leaving you behind in the coffee shop with a huge grin on your face.

Taglist: @moonshinerbynight @crimeshowtrash

Message/reply to be tagged!!

#spencer x reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer x you #spencer reid x you #spencer x reader smut #spencer x y/n #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds #criminal minds smut #criminal minds fluff #bau x reader

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captdedeyes · 3 years

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Here's another comic where I process my thoughts & emotions but for once, this one is about my asexuality! 🖤🤍💜

I think this might be one of the few times I'll talk about it publically, but I hope it'll be insightful nonetheless.

LONG story under the fold 📖

Discovering my asexuality was a confusing and messy process. I never came to realize that I was asexual until last summer! But I think that like with all of the other LGBTIA+ identities, the asexual identity thoroughly explained why I had an entire lifetime of grief & confusion.

I think it made me realize that chasing girls to date throughout high school has left me in a broken mindset when it comes to serious relationships...and I think it stuck with me long after that.

I'd always feel an uneasy sense of desperation...like I NEEDED to have a date. But by the time I actually dated a girl, I would feel...empty at some point, and made me wonder why I'm even dating them in the first place.

I eventually gave up on dating because I don't think I'm ready to have a serious relationship. I don't know if I ever WILL be ready, but that's okay...maybe that just means I could be aromantic as well, idk! Maybe I'll get back to that someday lol

Several years after high school, I learned the hard way that sex and NSFW media are not as fulfilling as I thought they would be. Probably because there was a length of time when I used to regularly make my own NSFW art.

I used to think that making and possessing that kind of content was like...bad luck or something. I never felt proud of what I was making...which in hindsight, it's probably a more common feeling than I thought it was, whether you're asexual or not.

But anyway, these anxious thoughts of being in possession of these images were really starting to gnaw on me. I once again felt...empty from creating this content once it was all said and done. It legitimately felt like I was only making that art to fulfill me in the short term.

I had to talk to somebody about this, so I asked a select group of friends I was with at the time (who all made NSFW art of their own). Their advice didn't help, but their words continue to remind me of how I became asexual in the first place.

When I asked them if they ever regretted making NSFW content...they either didn't acknowledge my worries, or they said "it's a part of human nature."

Well YEA...that's true, and it has been for centuries...but what if it's not a part of MY human nature?

I later broke away from that group of friends and deleted ALL of my NSFW content. Every now and then I'll think about these experiences, but I would make sure to never look back. If I can't handle NSFW media, then how would I handle sex?

It was probably a long time coming, but I've always thought that sex as a concept was just so...weird? I've never understood its appeal. On top of that, I was starting to feel extremely uninterested in having children.

But tbh, sex is just a form of intimacy. It's not the ONLY kind of intimacy, but it can definitely be the most intense one! At least I can opt out of sex if I'm uncomfortable with it, even if that means I'll get some weird looks from people who are SUPER involved in sex.

However, it's important to know that asexuality (& aromanticism by extension) is a spectrum. There's no "primary" way to viewing sex. I wound up being sex-repulsed, but that doesn't mean that EVERY ace person will think the same way.

Every ace person's experience is different but they all deserve equal amounts of respect & understanding.

With that said, it's definitely worth researching if you're really thinking about your stance on sex. 🤔

I wouldn't have gotten here without talking to supportive friends or finding posts by other ace people sharing their experiences, so I hope that this post can help people out too! 😊

#asexual #asexuality #ace #a spec #I meant to make a long-winded comic about my asexuality for the past year #but I never got around to actually DOING it #so here I am just dropping a short comic with a wall of text lol #my art

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yaspup9000 · 2 years

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So Yeah.. Um.. I’ve finally making a review? of This Show. I’m sorry for the hold up with this.. I’ve just been through a lot of stuff lately, but now, yeah I still feel a lil crappy but imma push through. Idk if this is even a review i just wanna talk about this show. Anyways, Lets Talk about Alfred J Kwak!

So, for some backround, Alfred J Kwak was an animated tv series that’s actually counts as an Anime funny enough. the reason being that This was a colabration between Dutch and Japan, so yeah, it counts as an anime. Also I think it was based off of a theater show last time i’ve remembered. Is there anything speical about this show? Well, Yeah, it is actually. This 1980′s show is well, pretty openly left leaning when it comes to its messages. Ie Anti Fascist, Capitalist, has an “interracial couple” (imma get to the race thing later i promise) and a canon trans charater who plays a lot in alot of episodes. Okay so, Before I share all my opinions and thoughts about the show along with my first impressions of the show versus my impressions after watching this show, I’mma just gonna briefly talk about some of the plot and such. (dont worry, I wont really spoil this show for you folks but i will be skimming through some episodes and just talking about a small handful.) So, The lore of the story is that there’s a kind hearted Duck named Alfred, and he tends to sometimes daydream about stuff a lot. Long with his many travels, there’s his Adoptive father Named Henk the mole and Some of Alfred’s friends, such as Oilie the stork,Winnie, and some others. The show itself has some episodes where there could be slice of life to being about anti war. The show can be a bit all over the place and even nuts in some cases but still can be enjoyable and wholesome!

Now funny enough, I know that in some 80′s and 90′s media, there has always been some form of left leaning messaging, Ie, War is bad, dont judge others, something something Pick any episode from captian planet. But with Alfred J Kwak, it doesn’t really sugar coats anything when it comes to being anti Capitalist and Anti Fascist, Heck The Vilain of the show was Literaly HITLER!! Oh yea there’s also some thing about immagration too. Some of my First Impressions of the show is that, Alfred and Winnie travel to places while fighting nazis and stuff but instead It’s Just about Henk and Alfred, which isnt a bad thing, however i did felt a little disappointed. Also I thought That Dolf was gonna be more of a Looming Threat for Alfred and his friends, since he’s well, Freaking Hitler and all, I thought Dolf would put everything in his power to get rid of Winnie and her little brother or something. Idk, I was actually thinking there would be some more conflict or something. Another thing, I do have a bit of an issue when doing the whole animal racism thing. Even tho I am glad that they’re not using species as a replacement of race (cause Oh boy, It personally rubs me off the wrong way and might does more harm than good) Although, I still believe, that the show could of made a lot more sense if the world the show takes place in is a world where ducks are just the “humans” of the world where theres all kinds of Duck folk and stuff. Cause honestly I think it would feel a little less jarring when it comes to bringing in the issues of race. Cause idk, why they the people of waterland, would feel “uncomfy” over ducks who are black, I mean, yeah sure it could be xenaphobia instead of racism but still, It feels a little bit jarring and hyporical that they would be okay with other random animals and bizare creatures but get weirded out by Black Ducks.

(Again I guess it could be a Xenaphobia thing idk) Also, I felt a little bummed out that we dont really see much of Winnie nor see her play much important roles in the show. idk man, I felt a little disappointed but hey, At least Winnie is cute tho! I really wished We would see more of her.

Also Another thing that Kinda confused me is one of Alfred’s friends. Like okay in the episode, Alfred’s first birthday, we get to see Hannes and Wannas were once friends with Alfred, but then later in the next episode with the whole time skip i think? Hannes and Wannes end up being Friends Dolf and made fun of him cause he has a father as a mole. Which made me go, BRUH, DUDE, YOU WERE VIBIN AND CHILLIN WITH ALFRED AND HENK IN THE LAST EPISODE!? WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN ABOUT!? Idk why they heck they stopped being his friend just to be friends with this Random school yard bully kid. Maybe its ether from peer pressure or they just wants to be friends with him now cause.. idk man.. Your guess its good as mine. Also in the later episodes, one of them just disappeared out of thin air while the other Which was, I think Wannes ended up becoming a rich racist with family members who lives in the stolen land of Black ducks now. So yeah.. That happened. Some Other things to ramble about is Oilie, and honestly, I really like him and find him pretty intreasting when it comes to rep. okay so, Depending on which dub from different languges, Oilie is ether confirmed to be a lesbian or a trans guy. He’s not like just some background charater, he actually plays apart in a few episodes even won for ruler of Waterland. Oilie as a charater is really sweet and wholesome along with still being Alfred’s friend even in adulthood. And he seems like a loving husband and father! Honestly yeah, I Personally think Alfred J Kwak was a good show! i feel like you guys should most def give it a watch. I felt like there were some stuff I’ve missed and im sorry that this was a jumbled mess of a post I hope everyone was able to understand my thoughts somewhat. I might prob make a sequal post of this in cause any Alfred J Kwak fan comes to me and have us talk out stuff. but for how hope you guys enjoy your day

#alfred j kwak #Ramblings #i dont think this is even a review im so sorry folks..

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necroissants · 3 years

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Okey so uhhh yea no one really asked but obviously thats not gonna stop me me!

Since I'm only just getting back into thinking about them and I have literally never done this before I'm going to just throw my thoughts out there like unshapely confetti and be like "go fetch!"

Also keep in mind that I did zero research before this and its all based on what I remember about the books when reading them like idk 7 years ago... I can not stress how little any of this might make sense lol

Ok here we go:

to start of unsuprisingly i think barely any of them are cishet (maybe with exception of Torte, I do not care for Torte)

I always read Melanie as a deeply closeted lesbian (esp bc of the Big Yikes Scene in the 5. Book)

And Trude definitely had a crush on her that she was aware of but stuffed deep deep down and chose to interpret as platonic admiration. Which is also why she always was boderline shitty to her bc she didnt know how to deal with that and tried to keep her at arms length.

Obviously that didnt work bc Trude is a Long Suffering Dramatic Gay who was willing to put up with way to much bullshit to stay close to her (I feel... seen lol)

(At some point when they got older they definitely would have to talk about this and I'd like to think that Meli did lots of deep self-reflection, maybe even went to Therapy, after her gay panic and eventually apologised to Trude)

I do think Meli and Willi actually did love each other but their relationship was based on a deep platonic understanding of each other

Willi understood Melanie better than anyone else and went along with her need to perform heterosexuality in front of their friends (like them making out around them constantly)

Which made it so hard for Meli when Willi actually fell in love with someone. Willi tried to stay friends with her but Melanie felt betrayed and abandoned and wasn't having it

I don't think the two of them actually talked about Meli being gay at the time although Willi kind of Knew but I think when Melanie finally stopped hiding it from herself Willi was the first person she told and they were inseparable again from that point on. The others just kind of assumed that they were back together

I remember even when I was reading the books for the first time at like 13 I was convinced that Wilma had the hugest intensest crush on Sprotte which she channeld into trying to impress all of the Hühner and join the Bande

And who could fault her if Sprotte was just out there in her shabby leopard leggings and wild red hair and over-all intensity and fierce loyalty to her friends who wouldn't have a gay awakening?!

Although that it was that was not immediately obvious to Wilma she definitely went that route of Very Intensely Wanting To Be Close to her and the others by extension

She kind of had to confront all those gay feelings once it became clear that those were not going away even after she joined the gang

Actually I think all of the Hühner, maybe with exception of Trude, had a crush on Sprotte at some point (I mean come on!!)

And Sprotte is definitely the kind of person who just Doesn't think about stuff until she absolutely has to! Although not in a violently outlashing denial way like Meli but in a "there is more important stuff to think about!" kind of way

Like that she has never really cared what gender the people she found interesting were or what gender she is. All of that is unimportant and a waste of time when the Pygmän are definitely planing something and they need to figure out what!!

At some point she would just accept that without much fuss and be like "allright then whatever"

Frida would deal with it in kind of a similar fashion although waaaaay less intense and more calm than Sprotte

She had that moment of "oh okey" much earlier that the others but because she is someone who does a lot of introspection anyway and is in general very calm about most things after carefully thinking them through she just very early on gained a level of comfort with her bisexuality

She did notice the stuff the others were going through because she is observant like that but didnt want to push

the only one she talked directly to about it is Trude after she found her crying bc of something Melanie had said to her and Trude broke down and told her about her very obvious crush on her best friend

After all that is something Frieda can understand even if her feelings for Sprotte are way less intense and dont hurt her like Trude's do

This talk really helps Frida and Trude bond and they share a new level of closeness and understanding afterwards

Fridas feelings for Sprotte kind of fade but maybe dont entirely go away after she falls in love with Mike - and why would they they are not bothering her and Sprotte after all is still her best friend

Sprotte definitely has one of those "huh..." moments after Fred shaves Fridas hair and she is a bit overwhelmed with all the confusing feelings of fondness and attraction and jealousy that she cant properly place and that are all mingled together

Okey this is getting waaaaay to long and im not even remotely close to being done but my headache is gone now and I can finally do some stuff that actually needs doing lol

I know this is probably only relevant or interesting for like two people but please talk to me about it??!

#die wilden hühner #might make a part 2 soon if i have time #i didnt even get into the pygmän or their lives as adults or much of their relationships and stuff!!#yay for chronic illness forcing me to stay in bed and write this instead of working??#thetalkingtag

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cassyapper · 3 years

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loving you may mean losing you but i dont mind (jotakak playlist)

dont talk to me about the title of this thing im embarrassed enough

anyway but okay so!!!! very excited to share this!!!! this has been in the works since september but my picky ass finally found an adequate amount of songs so here it is!!!!!! my jotakak playlist (:

special thanks to my lovely and wonderful friend jade for helping me finish this this thing <3

track list nd why i picked the songs that i did under the break!

1. the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us! by sufjan stevens i chose this song because it’s all about internalized homophobia and being in love with your best friend as a kid which RLLY resonates w jotakak imo. esp cause in the song, stevens’ friend ends up leaving abruptly, leaving stevens to wonder about what couldve blossomed if they had stuck together and worked through the difficulties together, which JOTARO....THAT IS JOTARO-CORE esp cause kak also “leaves” (dies). so this song was a v obvious choice for me and in fact this song is what inspired me to create this playlist in the first place

2. we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos! this song is abt being in love with someone but you both have ur issues so it’s kind of a mess. considering jotaro and kakyoin’s (to point it quite frankly) trauma and the fact that both of them do jack shit to try and cope with it healthily, this song DEFINITELY fits them. esp cause this song mentions physical fighting and the imagery that goes with it (”he got his teeth fixed/im gonna break them”, “i’ve got a fist on fire”, etc) and the entirety of the bridge/last verse rlly gives me these two’s vibes so! ya (:

3. love love love by of monsters and men this song is the singer feeling like shes completely unworthy of being loved by this important person in her life, particularly because she has NO idea how to show affection and love the (for lack of better word) “acceptable” way, or any way at all really. this REALLY has jotaro vibes cause he is one repressed motherfucker and as we see the entirety of his story, jotaro is full of love he loves so much it’s just he has no idea how to properly express it cause he’s scared essentially. but that didn’t stop people from loving him, in this case, that being kakyoin. hhhhHHh

4. ribs by lorde this song is about being scared of growing up but due to the lyrics being written the way they are, i kinda spin the interpretation of it to be the fear jotaro and kakyoin had on the crusade to egypt, as they were the youngest and didnt know if they’d make it back and everything is just incredibly overwhelming there is so much going on all the time those 50 days. i can do a full analysis on why but that would be kinda long LMAO. for now let’s leave it at they have a very Unique fear of growing up but it still fits with the lyrics. particularly the last bit of the song with the “youre the only friend i need” verses,,,makes me think of these two...

5. can i call you tonight? by dayglow i interpret this song to be about trying to figure out what, exactly, your feelings are for this very specific and important person in your life. since jotaro and kakyoin r both repressed and also suckers of internalized homophobia, i think they fit that theme very well. particularly with the whole “i feel like we’re close, but maybe we’re not actually? what are we?” theme going on in the lyrics, this whole song makes me think of jotaro and kakyoin figuring out their intense and sudden (cause again only 50 days but also, those 50 days had So Much going on) feelings for each other. also the “now i’m no longer alone” line in the chorus HHHHHHH that’s them

6. la la la love song by toshinobu kubota ft naomi campbell SO I KNOW THIS SONG IS KINDA JUST FLUFF but we need some light-hearted moments in this thing hjgg;. ALSO toshinobu kubota is canonically jotaro’s favorite musician so i wanted to reference that and this was my fav love song of his that i’ve found so far so (: also the “you are my shining star” line,,,heh

7. truce by twenty one pilots so this song is very soft. it’s about tending to wounds and taking a moment before continuing to push on. it makes me think abt jotaro and kakyoin taking care of each other on the journey (for example the lovers arc/n’doul fight). also the whole “stay alive, stay alive for me/you will die, but now your life is free/take pride in what is sure to die” makes me go fucking nuts that is. that fits these two to a T fuck

8. this side of paradise by coyote theory this song has big “two lonely people are in love with each other for the first time” vibes and OHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S JOTAKAK.... there are a lot of little lines that make me specifically think abt these two, such as “love so strong it makes me feel weak” (jotaro-core...), “if you’re lonely come be lonely with me”, “i’ll be yours if you’ll be mine” (wanting some security while ur in love for the first time is common but especially for these two i think it works spectacularly) but yea this song as a whole is just...ohhh them. theyre in lvoe HK;FNJFL

9. i saw you in a dream by the japanese house EVERY. SINGLE. LINE. OF THIS SONG IS POST-EGYPT JOTARO. EVERY SINGLE LINE. and the ghost the singer talks about seeing? they hadnt changed at all? they were such a pretty vision, a perfect hallucination? BRUH... just listen i could do a whole analysis on this song it all just fits jotaro mourning kakyoin throughout the years so so so so well it makes me feel nuts holy shit i just. literally every line. every line fits i am not joking. i cried when i first heard this song LMAO

10. video games by the young professionals SO LMAO obviously kakyoin’s epic gamer moves are being referenced but beyond that i interpret this song to just be the fun parts of being in love esp when ur young (backed up with the “kissing in the blue dark” and the “watching all our friends fall” lines). also the chorus just makes me want to cry cause just, happy jotakak moments PLEASE. “the world was built for two only worth living if somebody is loving you, and baby now you do” THEYRE NOT ALONE ANYMORE THEY FOUDN EACH OTHER IM GONAN WAILLLLLLL oh my god. im nuts theynkjNJKNJF also “i heard that you like the bad girls” please. these two shitty teenagers

11. ikanaide by sohta ft. yuki kaai this song is abt not wanting someone u love to leave u cause youll miss them obviously but also ur scared of how the time will change you and if it’ll make you unrecognizable eventually. big post-egypt jotaro vibes 😔 especially cause one part of the chorus translates to “i shouldnt cry, i shouldnt cry, but the truth is i want to say dont go” and im jus like OHHHHH NO IT’S JOTARO FINDING OUT KAKYOIN DIED jkfnNKJFNJDhkld

12. therefore you and me by eve ALRIGHT. god this song is one hell of a doozy. i interpret this song to mean being sincerely in love but youre in the wrong place/wrong time. considering the uh Whole Situation in part 3 there were definitely better times to fall in love for these two. jotaro and kakyoin try to be happy w the moments they do have (i think the second verse in particular adds to this sentiment what with the selfish ghosts part) but they want a better environment understandably so theyre also just kinda ignoring things until they can properly care for a relationship. but well...who knows if theyll live to make it to that better environment ):

13. mayonaka no door/stay with me by miki matsubara this song is a v sweet sentiment abt like “it’s not just heat of the moment!! i do care about u a lot!!” and asking the person u have feelings for to stick around. big kakyoin and jotaro vibes as it would be easy to call what they have a fling considering how relatively short of a timeframe they had but i genuinely think their relationship was deeper than just that and this song nicely reflects such. “jotaro and i will share a room cause we’re both students” fuckin head ass

14. a thousand years by sting oh sting.... so since sting is kakyoin’s favorite musician canonically i had to add one of his songs here as well but beyond just that i do think this song fits them!! it kinda gives me big “if not in this life, then the next” vibes which is a big uhhh thing for jotakak. they may be doomed to tragedy but the moments they have together make the tragedy worth enduring ironically i feel like this song is mostly from jotaro’s pov considering i dont think he ever completely got over kakyoin and this song def has that kinda sentiment but hey it fits them...

15. mr loverman by ricky montgomery SO FUNNY STORY i actually REALLY. REALLY didnt wanna add this song at first cause i felt it wouldve been...idk too cliche? i guess? and i was ALL kinds of picky when choosing songs for this playlist HOWEVER. eventually i relistened to it and read the lyrics while thinking specifically abt jotakak and it actually rlly does fit quite well KJDFN; another jotaro mourning song ): it’s not just the chorus tho the whole song fits jotaro immediately post-egypt but also i feel like some time around part 4 this sentiment would come back to him cause Yknow. Gays In Morioh and the mess of his family life back in america. it just aches for him cause while he’s happy josuke is happy he wishes he couldve had that for him and kakyoin too but yea jus ... them

16. you by petit biscuit an instrumental?? in a ship playlist?? yes that’s right much like mr loverman i was hesitant to put this song in cause it’s harder to justify since i dont rlly know much abt music (and not to b controversial but interpreting lyrics and interpreting music r two different things) however i really think the vibes of this song fit jotakak. it’s got a somber melody but the keys of the piano are high which im taking to mean “light in the dark” which. jotaro and kakyoin (along w the rest of the crusaders) were each other’s lights in the dark. also the ending samples a conference/lecture talking about space flight and like. star platinum. space symbolism. jotaro. yeah

17. saturn by sleeping at last MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. this song is all about losing someone very close and important to you, but reflecting on the good they brought into your life rather than the pain of losing them. this song also has HEAVY space imagery which stardust crusaders is absolutely chalk fucking full of so also it’s a very philosophical song and considering that jotaro and kakyoin are both Nerds and both got a nice view of the stars/space in the desert with each other, im sure they had conversations similar to the one highlighted in the song. i think it’s a good note to end the playlist on cause kakyoin is dead and jotaro is the survivor but it’s not a mourning song so much as jotaro taking the love he had for kakyoin and pushing forward with it allll th way into part 6

but yeah that’s the tracklist! i might add or take away a song or two but this is mostly it (: hope yall enjoy!

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thisdreamplace · 3 years

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Hey!

I met my sp almost 2 years ago (2019) and since then i fell in love with him. we went on some dates tho, he rejected me later. at that time i didn't know about the law so i reacted a lot to the 3D and manifested some 3rd parties and arguments with him. he blocked me tho and we went no contact. i found out about loa and it confused me a lot cause everyone said smth different. also i was focused on manifesting a text message rather than living in the end. altough i always tried to shift my focus, i lived in a lot of anxiety. also his social media acc is a trigger point and i try to avoid it for my best.

so he texted me in may 2020 and i was shaking so much (what a dumbass) and we messaged all night, it was some nasty sh*t. at the end of the chat he said that it was all a joke and that it was all his buddy. i felt so hurt and was so shaken up by the fact, that he played me like that? also really naive of me to let it go so far. so i went no contact and texted him one week later with alot anxiety. as u guess, he was so mean and told me some hurtful things. so i let him. i didn't know about neville back then. i went no contact, til he texted me in dec 2020, it was bc i saw his story) he apologized and he was really kind to me. we messaged again at night, but it was some fwb thing again. he told me he wanted to meet up but then he ghosted me. yea.. i texted him and he said he writes with another girl. and i was like "???" i told him good luck and went no contact.. he then unadded me a month later in jan 2021 which threw me away from my mental diet and so on.

What i am trying to say is that i am really disappointed that i can't seem to reach a point where he sees me more than a chick with a body. i wanted him to be interested in me, to show me love. to open up to me, a relationship! i tried all things, methods, meditations, sats. i am always feeling like i am not doing enough , i am searching for evidence i trigger myself with his socialmedia or some things that happened.

i dont know what went wrong. one thing that bothers me also is that he makes music and wants to gain fame which means that girls have his attention or he thinks he is something better. i also have a feeling of i can't reach him cause i feel like i am not that good for him. he is the kind of guy who had a hard life which messed him up.

also i am feeling nostalgic as soon as i am going somewhere. it's a feeling of " i rather be here with him than alone or with anybody else" time is also a factor which messes with my mind. i wanted to move away and idk how that will mess with my manifestation and his music career is also a thing which makes me anxious.

even now i am trying my best, but it seems like everyday is the same day. i wonder if our relationship will even happen..

i am not living in the old story, i just wanted to let it all out and u seem like a person who would get this. i hope u can give me some tips. i don't wanna sound dumb but yea my story is a bit messy. thank u for reading it, i appreciate ur time. u are my last hope!

Hey!!

Thanks for feeling free to share all of this. Sometimes it really does help just to get all this out, so you can continue moving forward freely.

The truth is, I can see where you went wrong clearly. In all honesty, your self concept has been neglected. And remember, when speaking of self concept it is much deeper than self esteem, but of course, why wouldn’t you want a high self esteem too? Anyway, you have put all of your effort into him. Every technique you did was for him, everything you have done has been entirely for him. And yet, the gag is, you are the one who has to change. He cannot possibly change without you having changed first. Because this is your reality and that’s just how the law works.

So, for example, all those times you took anything he’s willing to give you. You listed everything you wanted... but you quickly settled for less. What does that say about your self concept? It has nothing to do with him, although I know we do like to feel comfortable pointing the finger. When it comes to sp manifestations though, I will be completely honest in this way. There’s a big responsibility we have to take that may feel uncomfortable to do, since we are used to living in a world where people hurt us and we feel sad and blame them. We expect them to do something to make us feel better or we cut them off. Though, there is no one to blame here. There’s only full responsibility to take. There’s just you who will need to choose whether you are worth taking the responsibility of changing your life.

So all that being said, here’s some tips, based off what you said. Firstly, I would fully suggest you take a step back and focus on yourself. It’ll be scary, for sure. It’ll be uncomfortable, for sure. Especially because you spent so much time on him. But you have to be honest with yourself. Has that time paid off? The truth is, you have nothing to lose. Either things will stay the same or you will finally experience all you ever wanted to. But you must decide you are worth the risk of leaving those comforts behind.

So, as you focus on yourself you need to be thinking about how you see yourself in relation to the world, first. Are you worth it? Are you able to have anything you want? Are you limited or limitless? Do you see yourself as creator of your reality or a victim to your reality? Do what you need to do to begin answering these questions. You want to move into a state where you are able to answer positively to each of these questions. You do that through persistent practice. Through reminding yourself of who you truly are and how you can have anything you want. How you are worth all of the effort. How your desires are yours already, so you truly have nothing to worry about it. Remember, you do all this for you. Not for anyone or anything else.

As you get comfortable with your self concept and who you truly are as creator of your reality, you could allow yourself to start thinking of your sp again. Not as the center of your world, because you are already the center of the world. There is no one to change but self. But you can begin to lift him up in your mind, as you have lifted yourself up. You wrote exactly how you feel he is, and the truth is, if you continue seeing him like that he has no choice but to play that role. So, choose a new story. How is he really? He is successful in his music career and so what? He is so lucky to have you by his side. All those options you mentioned? They never meant anything, because you are the only one he wants. He doesn’t see anyone other than you. You are first best, you are the only best. He treats you like the God you already are. Because you have been God this entire time, and focusing on your self concept as the first step will help you to accept all these wonderful things about your sp.

I understand your feeling, of feeling nostalgic and just wanting to be with your sp. Let those feelings come up, don’t feel the need to run from them. They’re so valid. People in relationships still miss their person when they’re apart, no? It’s not a big deal. In fact, it’s important not to run from those feelings. Cry it out, throw a fit if you so feel the need to do so. Then brush yourself off and get back into your God energy. Because it’s always waiting for you, at all moments. The unconditional love that your Godself is, is always welcoming you in. You just have to remember to choose to allow yourself to feel it. Time seems so scary in the outer world, but the hard fact is you can be worried about time all day and it’s not going to change anything. So, benefit yourself and actively work on letting it go. Accept it’s not even real, no matter how much your ego will want to hold onto believing it is. Time isn’t running out, everything is happening perfectly Your relationship with your sp is yours and everything has it’s own appointed hour. All you have to do is accept it and allow yourself to enjoy the journey, or even dislike the journey some days if that’s what you’re feeling like. Stop judging everything and allow it to be instead.

You got this!! Hopefully you find this helpful. We all cannot wait to hear your lovely success story!! 💖

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bladekindeyewear · 3 years

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HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-12-25

I’m not going to spend time BLOGGING an upd8 on Christmas morning!

...yes I am who the fuck am I kidding. (Bonus stuff and Hiveswap are still well on hold though.)

So are we gonna follow up on the main ship? Probably not, right, with that perfect Karkat point to cut away, right? We’re just going to leave Roxy’s question hanging, as well as makeouts etiquette, and leave while having seen a COUPLE FRAMES of non-possessed canon Jade with only whatever fun fanart was inspired across the internet by the moment to tide us over????

Yeah, probably.

Ugh, more Dirk. I guess it’s overdue. :(

> CHAPTER 16. Welcome to my Secret Lair

Oh huh, I guess not? So... Jane’s, or Rose and Kanaya’s?

Karkat stays for longer than John thought he would. They talk a bit, but mostly they are quiet. Eventually, Karkat gets called away on yet more important war business, leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had.

Pretty much, yeah. Can’t blame either of them.

When Karkat is finally gone, John still doesn’t move. It isn’t as though he has nowhere else to go, since there are quite a few places he might attempt to make himself useful, for better or for worse.

You’re still abandoning the task that was explicitly yours to protect your literal kid and his friends, but, oh well. Low-point. Dave dead, house dead, broke news, I get it.

He just doesn’t feel ready for that yet. The remnants of his house are still smoldering, and he can’t stop staring at them. It would make sense, he thinks, to want to root around through the rubble for anything that’s still intact; some half-charred keepsake to claim as the last thing left that’s still his. But he doesn’t want to do it, and he doesn’t want to think about it. And he still can’t move.

Can’t move. No Breath huh? What’s going to get him to, then?

> (==>)

Oh boy, that might help. XD She’s pretty good at that.

> (==>)

Still with the waistline gap. And was his phone always yellow like his God-Tier shoes?

ROXY: hey john can u do me a quick solid ROXY: actly idk how quick itll be but its definitely solid ROXY: harry anderson says i just missed u being here but could u skip back on over?

Nice, huh! No judgment, just a hey-any-chance-you-could-swing-back. He sort of needs to be needed right now, in a simple, almost everyday non-judgmental way I guess. (That’s what he NEEDED anyway-- whether he deserved it though is up for debate.)

ROXY: i need help w/smth and yr darling boy is holed up in his room working on some fuckin craft project or other and cant be bothered

YES SEW JOHN A BETTER FITTING FUCKING OUTFIT

ROXY: and now that me and u are freshly on speakin terms again i might as well take advantage of that olive branch and put u to work ROXY: assumin you havent died in an air raid, that is ROXY: which id also be interested in knowin about so if u wld be so kind as to reply instead of leavin me hangin

Heheheh. Gosh Roxy is always the best.

JOHN: yea yea sorry im here. JOHN: i just had a hard time getting my phone out of these fucking tiny pants.

Hah.

JOHN: and also my house is bombed out so i'm kinda grappling with that. JOHN: but i honestly am not sure how much longer i need to sit around staring at it. trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so JOHN: short version is no i’m not dead, and yeah i can come back over there and help you out. ROXY: oh sweet yr alive and down to do manual labor its a win/win JOHN: see you soon.

Yep! Pulled away from all the metaphorical, ultra-meaningful bullshit, back to some brass tacks with some easy humor. Definitely something Roxy can do well.~

> (==>)

EXCUSE ME. What is that outfit and pose. Did you--

ROXY: sup ROXY: follow me ROXY: well were just going to my room so i guess technically u know the way JOHN: haha ok.

Did you invite him over for the manual labor of banging you while your son is sewing in the other room

Or maybe the labor is making him a new sibling. JFC

Is this plan part of why we got the sudden content warning that was mocked or was that mainly for Hiveswap

John follows, trying to shake the ominous feeling he got from what she’d just said. He’d been in and out of this house a lot in the past few days. Why should this be any different?

I DUNNO JOHN DOES THIS SEEM DIFFERENT TO YOU

> (==>)

Yea this seems like a fucc room.

JOHN: it’s not like i could forget! ROXY: ya i guess u only really saw the living room when you were here the other day but i have changed some stuff up ROXY: done a lil redecoratin here n there

So it’s MORE of a fucc room than previously >__>”

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out ROXY: but so far so good

Ah geez.

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Well, that’ll buff out easy.

ROXY: can i get u anything? ROXY: just made some coffee JOHN: no, uh, i’m good.

Of course she has a fancy handled winecoffeeglass (and the handle does look ridiculous but it’d be too hot to hold otherwise)

Roxy shrugs and swirls her own coffee around in her novelty mug. John looks around. A lot about the room is the same. The family photos, the rug. There’s a lot more cat stuff in there now, though. The bed is new. John feels like he’s about to take a test he hasn’t studied for. He makes himself focus on what she’s saying.

That would be the feeling.

> (==>)

MY GOD. Roxy is so fucking good at this holy shit

She KNOWS she’s making him squirm and she loves it

JOHN: so uh anyway. JOHN: what was this favor? ROXY: yo why dont u just come rest yr tush for a bit ROXY: take a lil relax next 2 me here JOHN: haha uh. JOHN: roxy i uh. JOHN: im flattered, but i don’t know if that’s really the right step right now. JOHN: don’t get me wrong, everything seems so fucked up right now that when i try to think about what might actually BE the right step, it feels like a huge cartoon question mark might physically manifest over my head. JOHN: but I’m not sure if um rekindling our physical relationship is really the best--

So is Roxy trolling him, about to reveal she wasn’t thinking of sex and was just making things seem sultry? Or just had “lol jk” as an option-select, maybe.

> (==>)

ROXY: r u kiddin me rn egbert JOHN: i’m not? unless you were, in which case yeah lets say i was also kidding. JOHN: oh my god, i’m sorry, i don’t know why this making me freak out.

OH NOOO NOT THE DISDAAAAIN - CRITICAL HIT D:

ROXY: i remember our past boot knockin with fondness but that is a situation im not interested in revisiting

boot knockin XD

ROXY: look john ROXY: i was trying to be polite about it ROXY: offering u sustenance n rest n all ROXY: but you look like shit ROXY: i just wanted to catch up on the whole heinous war situation were in and maybe check in on e/o before leaping strait to the real n actual nonsexual manual labor favor i have in mind for u JOHN: oh.

Hey, she can’t help looking sexy she’s too good at it.

Is the manual labor moving the crashed cars? Can’t Roxy pull that off on her own, or... banish the cars to the void or something? (Oh, but WOULD she want to do it on her own when she can rope in John and bring him down to earth by giving him a useful task? And admittedly his strength and wallet would make things easier.)

John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced?

Probably some gender stuff mixed up in there too, June.

He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.

Just put your feet up yeah

> (==>)

WHAT A CUTE IMAGE

JOHN: sorry. like i said, my "how to react to stuff" meter is completely fucked right now. ROXY: thats fair bud

she’s used to being patient with you don’t worry otherwise you never would’ve gotten this far

ROXY: real fast i do need to do a quick takeback of all that shit i said last time we talked about janey not being literally the most evil person we knew or whatever ROXY: i guess i was hopped up on arguin or somethin since that was before we hit our conversational vibe bc of course u were right and i shoulda listened

Ouch. Yeah, we saw just lately just how far off the deep end she was. (Where was that funny upd8 reaction art summarizing the bit where Kanaya was holding Tavros hostage and Jane was transparently debating “hmm do I let my son die?” and Kanaya and Tavros were just looking at each-other flat-mouthed nervous? I REALLY wanted to share that but I don’t usually want to reblog or put most stuff HS^2 not under a read-more, for spoiler purposes, usually.)

ROXY: im just glad ur ok ROXY: or like alive JOHN: yeah, jury's still out on "ok" but, you know. ROXY: ya ROXY: u said ur house is gone?? JOHN: yep. JOHN: completely. ROXY: jeez ROXY: i would ask how ur feelin but like the answer 2 that has got 2b "prtty bad"

Talk it ouuuut~~ get those feels out there and articulated john

JOHN: yeah. JOHN: i mean. JOHN: no? JOHN: it’s weird. JOHN: it feels like it should be a bigger deal, I guess? JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE. JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house? JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self? JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know? JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something? JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames. JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it. JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late? JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison. JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good. JOHN: but that’s just bullshit. JOHN: it DID feel good. JOHN: i DO feel free. JOHN: sorry.

I was kind of saying some Breath/Blood stuff at the time of him losing his last tie to his stubborn sticking-to-his-kid-self bit? Except now we’re mixing it in with June Egbert and his gender-identity questions too.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Oh shit

ROXY: well no i just meant like i did some sharing ROXY: like referrin 2 the topic i brought up when we chatted last ROXY: but like now that u mention it ROXY: *meaningful pause* JOHN: … JOHN: i JOHN: ROXY: lol well we can move on 2 the favor part if youd rather ROXY: stick a lil pin in that topic n come back 2 it when u have had sleep

Are you just INCREDIBLY incisive Roxy or have you and John talked about this before?

ROXY: like i said the other day its not like this shits figureoutable in 1 sitting anyways JOHN: yeah... ROXY: sooooooo ROXY: movin on

It’s just fine for Roxy to slow-roll this yeah, if she’s going to pry open that door a little

ROXY: dont be mad but theres a part of the house u didnt know abt the whole time u lived here JOHN: what? ROXY: yea ROXY: i got a secret lair ROXY: for my sciences

OH FUCK YES SCIENCE LAB, of COURSE Roxy would want a cool science lab basement because she always wants a cool science lab basement

ROXY: and i get to it via a transportalizer underneath our bed ROXY: which is 2 heavy 2 move by my lonesome so i just needed to borrow some o your aforementioned powers of wind

Okay no. Wait. What the fuck?

First of all, as funny and MSPaintAdventures-y as furniture being in the way of things is, why would you block it with a bed too heavy to move, but,

Second of all, more importantly, how is a GOD-TIER ROXY not strong enough to lift a heavy bed?!?!?!? Either she’s lying to get John involved in things or this is a gendered cop-out because these characters are superheroes at the TOP of their echeladders, given obnoxiously powerful video-game strength and athletics only to then have ascended into DEITIES. God-Tier Roxy could probably have lifted a bed like that when she was SEVENTEEN! And now she’s an ADULT, out-of-shape or otherwise! If this were a whole CAR I might be willing to handwave it, but just a heavy BED?!? And none of the GUYS are going to have this much trouble lifting a bed like this, are they?? This just feels like following classic cartoony gender tropes in the complete absence of these characters’ super powers, what the fuck, and also Roxy if you didn’t make it Transportalizer-only access you could have given it an entrance you could phase through with your fancy powers to get to. FUCK.

This feels stupid.

ROXY: so if u dont mind woosh away JOHN: uh ok, well... JOHN: a secret science lair, sure, i can deal with that. JOHN: why not! JOHN: it doesn’t work out great when i do the windy thing indoors, though. ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

You’re already THIS sensitive about gendertalk?

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push ROXY: we both got sick muscles ROXY: no other adjectives necessary JOHN: yeah ok. ROXY: on 3?

Please, please reinforce the idea that they both have sick strength, because they fucking do and the idea that Roxy actually a hundred percent NEEDED John to do this is BS.

> (==>)

JOHN: holy shit? ROXY: sorry to lop yet another huge scoop onto ur lil brains ice cream revelation sundae JOHN: so wait, if this thing's always been under the bed, how’d you get down here before without me? ROXY: well thats neither here nor there john JOHN: i mean it is kinda. Here. ROXY: fine ok checkmate ROXY: i dont ACTUALLY need ur nerdgrit for this escapade ROXY: like im sorry but i said it ROXY: i mostly just wanted to see you and show u wats down here

THANK FUCKING CHRIST.

If that wasn’t actually just a lie to get him involved I was going to stay SO mad. Of COURSE Roxy can move a fucking BED no matter how heavy it is. OF COURSE.

ROXY: and also uve been ~sent for~ JOHN: ok but like ROXY: john i am inviting u 2 my inner sanctum ROXY: i am literally bringing out the word "sanctum" in case u werent already clued in 2 how cool this is ROXY: so do u wanna go into my secret lair or wat JOHN: yeah!? JOHN: yes? i guess? ROXY: aight good

Yes John of course you want to stop fighting it

ROXY: then as they told me in the hospital before lil h a was born ROXY: just push

eyeroll, but yeah, of course

> (==>)

Oh cool, sprite form version of her loungewear.

> (==>)

Sorry for my compulsion to post every full-frame image of Roxy in this awesome outfi-WERE YOU KEEPING CALLIOPE UNDER YOUR BED THIS WHOLE TIME?!?????

That’s like... almost a fucking metaphor isn’t it???? For the relationship you preferred in the other timeline and possibly THIS one TOO or

ROXY: hey callieee i got him ROXY: o damn john sorry i shoulda also told u callies here weve been hangin out again ROXY: 1 more freak for ur bean

Oh huh, so this isn’t an always thing. And these two can get close in more than one timeline where it would’ve worked out nicely. :)

JOHN: oh it's ok, my bean feels pretty well adjusted to freakage at this point so keep them coming if you like! ROXY: k cool i will JOHN: do i get to know what that big thing under the sheet is? ROXY: hmmmmmm no JOHN: oh ok. JOHN: are you sure? i mean, it seems like a pretty prominent feature of the room. JOHN: space. JOHN: wherever we are. ROXY: and a totally mysterious n COMPLETELY inconspicuous feature it will have to remain for now ROXY: we r kinda in a hurry here fyi ROXY: and by that i mean ROXY: we are in precisely the amount of hurry that means im excused from having to a that specific q rn JOHN: right, sorry. JOHN: i will pay no attention to the object behind the curtain. ROXY: u catch on fast egbert ROXY: anyway theres more cool info coming so just follow me

I don’t have any big theories. Is it just the Hiveswap device or something? If Calliope helped with it it’d help explain the Cherubic theme.

> (==>)

JOHN: so... this is all downstairs? JOHN: it seems like you had a lot of work done. ROXY: well no not x actly ROXY: were in the old meteor JOHN: under the house??? ROXY: ok so ROXY: in hindsight it may have been a bit misleading 2 say like ROXY: "downstairs" ROXY: in reference to a place which is hells of buried underground and may not actually be literally under the house ROXY: but there is no time to explain all that rn john so instead im going to refer u to my adorable little green friend here CALLIOPE: #U_U# ROXY: (hehe) CALLIOPE: *AHEM* CALLIOPE: hi john! CALLIOPE: long time no see. ^u^

Cherubs just really like dark cavelike places full of weird tech don’t they.

> (==>)

THEY’RE SO CUTE

JOHN: oh, uh. hey callie! JOHN: it sure has been a while huh. JOHN: now that i think about it, the last time the three of us hung out like this... CALLIOPE: was when i was aggressively third wheeling yoUr prenUptial coUrtship? CALLIOPE: if yoU dont mind, john, i'd rather not rehash that period of oUr lives. CALLIOPE: it was more than a little painfUl for me. JOHN: oh. JOHN: god, jeez, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to-- CALLIOPE: hee hee john i am only pUlling yoUr leg, don't worry. CALLIOPE: if anything i was personally a little thrilled with how things shook oUt in that respect. CALLIOPE: imagine, if yoU will, a yoUng cherUb raised in solitUde, whose only solace was the convolUted and tUmUltUoUs romantic schemata she projected onto her only friends from another Universe. CALLIOPE: and then fUrther imagine that this yoUng cherUb, throUgh varioUs even *more* convolUted contrivances, ended Up in the company of those selfsafe friends as an eqUal participant in their sphere of social discoUrse! CALLIOPE: it is a joy the like of which yoU possibly cannot fathom. u_u

Reinforcing that things turning out this way was in fact the FANTASY that Calliope was writing over in the Canon timeline. Just, heavily, HEAVILY implied that the Candy timeline is -- or at least originated as -- Calliope’s fanfiction as a Muse of Space, and its competition for audience interest with canon is the essential conflict between alt!Calliope and Dirk (or Dirk and Andrew Hussie).

CALLIOPE: so to pUt it simply, getting to experience sUch emotional drama myself was an impossibly enriching experience. CALLIOPE: possibly a first for my species! CALLIOPE: it's actUally qUite interesting, if yoU ROXY: *nudge* CALLIOPE: oh, right. yes. i'm getting a little carried away, haha. CALLIOPE: argh, i'm sorry, this is not how i planned to begin this vital conversation.

Vital conversation? What sorta truth-bombs are coming?

CALLIOPE: but to sUmmarise, what i was trying to say is: CALLIOPE: don't beat yourself Up aboUt it john. CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr. CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point. JOHN: hahaha!!! JOHN: okay, well that's good to know! CALLIOPE: ^u^

Holy SHIT that was savage! And we’ll NEVER know whether or not she really intended it so savagely, either.~

JOHN: so um... JOHN: i hear that there's this big secret thing you wanna tell me about? CALLIOPE: oh right, yes of course! CALLIOPE: let me jUst say first of all how thrilled i am that yoU're on board. CALLIOPE: i wasn't sUre if yoUr natUral inclinations woUld have preclUded yoUr coming to such a place as this, and yet here yoU are. CALLIOPE: this whole endeavoUr will be *so* mUch easier with yoUr help.

Uh oh.

Hopefully babies aren’t involved.

JOHN: oh! well, shucks. JOHN: not really sure what that means but i'm just glad to be of use somewhere, haha. JOHN: which, speaking of somewhere, CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are. CALLIOPE: how much do yoU know aboUt black holes? JOHN: um... like, the big space things? CALLIOPE: they aren't always big actUally, and in fact their relative smallness is practically their defining qUality. JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: bUt okay i think we are on the same page. CALLIOPE: so, what if i told yoU that we are inside of a black hole right now.

Oh dear, we’re getting into the canon/noncanon divide?

JOHN: um... JOHN: like, HERE? JOHN: we just transportalized into a black hole? CALLIOPE: no, i mean, what if oUr whole WORLD was inside a black hole. JOHN: ok.

Yeah, that’s gonna be John’s reaction. “ok.” Pretty much inevitable.

CALLIOPE: earth c, or at least oUr version of it, has, from the moment we crossed the victory threshold, been inside a black hole. JOHN: ok. CALLIOPE: and not just any black hole, bUt the very black hole in which the green sUn Ultimately met its demise, allowing oUr victory in the first instance! JOHN: huh! ROXY: ("huh!") ROXY: (rofl my fucking ao egbert) JOHN: (shhhh!)

And Roxy enjoys his non-reaction reactions as much as we do, hehe.

CALLIOPE: bUt, paradoxically, the critical moment which determined its capture within the black hole happened *after* that point. CALLIOPE: i refer of coUrse to yoUr decision not to retUrn to the mediUm and fight my brother. JOHN: wait, wait. JOHN: you mean, the meat and candy thing? JOHN: oh my god. JOHN: you mean i actually DID make a mistake that day. CALLIOPE: well, that's not exactly what that-- JOHN: ugh, i fucking KNEW it! JOHN: i'm so sorry. JOHN: i'm so sorry that i put the earth inside a black hole everyone. ): ROXY: john ROXY: listen ROXY: u have got to get out of this mindset i am begging you JOHN: ):

Yeah shake him out of this shit.

ROXY: your choice literally didnt matter ROXY: the whole thing was symbolic in the first place ROXY: literally symbolic in the case of the picnic i mean come on ROXY: it was just some steak and a plate of candy suckers JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: i mean, i wouldn't go so far as to say that the meal we shared was unimportant, given the sacred significance of the two options i presented. CALLIOPE: but yes, yoUr choice of snack was infinitely less important than the choice which it presaged. CALLIOPE: and even then, calling it a choice woUld be sorely misleading. CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip. CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads". CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads. JOHN: you mean we ended up with the bad possibility. CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are". JOHN: o...kay... CALLIOPE: u_u

Yeah, it’s going to take a bit more than that to convince him he didn’t make the “wrong decision”.

CALLIOPE: i realise that this may be a lot to process. CALLIOPE: it's easy to forget that this wasn't obvioUs to everyone from the beginning. CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity. JOHN: oh, wow. JOHN: um. JOHN: ok so, sorry if this is a dumb question to ask suddenly, but what does being inside of a black hole actually... mean for us? JOHN: is that bad? JOHN: is it like in movie, um, JOHN: shoot. JOHN: roxy what was that matthew mcconaughey movie from your earth that we watched? ROXY: u mean interstellar JOHN: RIGHT. JOHN: the one with the organ. JOHN: man. i cried at that movie so much. ROXY: lol u can say that again ROXY: iirc at least part of y u got so weepy was the fact that u couldnt believe a version of earth existed where ppl got 2 watch more mcconaughey films than you JOHN: listen. JOHN: i simply don't think you all appreciated the gift you were given. CALLIOPE: i don't believe i'm familiar with this particular film ^u^;; ROXY: oh dont worry cal you didnt miss much JOHN: (gasp)

This is all gold

ROXY: but the important point is that no its not really an interstellar type situation here egbert ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love JOHN: aw.

Dammit, now we have to be on the lookout for that possibility. Or it did sort of already happen more than once to John. ...Whatever.

CALLIOPE: to go back to your original question, john. CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them. CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish. CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart! CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been. CALLIOPE: in everyday, practical terms, being inside of a black hole has very little bearing on Us. CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary. CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence. CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon. CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist! JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...? CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

No? So this doesn’t have to do with the divide?

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal. CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific. JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that. CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley. CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u= CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

What the heck? Calliope SAW all this? Is this her Muse powers at work, letting her observe these things, or was she there? And John certainly did NOT see ANY of what Calliope just said happen.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So we’re going to find that out if we haven’t already. Maybe something to do with the way Vrissy just conks out narcoleptically?

JOHN: ...right. JOHN: so... let me just get this straight. JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything? JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal? CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not. CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm. JOHN: oh.

Um, what?

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval. CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality. CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

No plot-armor for your entire timeline, I guess, yep. Outside of canon, we can imagine and write about ANYTHING happening to the characters, or just drop their existence entirely, much like a doomed offshoot timeline. It’s a plot stability that depended heavily on the threat of Lord English and being trapped in a story, and without it things are bound to see a BIT chaotic (or “degrading” if you view it as subjected to the whims of fanfic writers, certainly).

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth. CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher. ROXY: its total bs is what it is CALLIOPE: right, yes. CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite. CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Ah fuck. You’re going to regulate non-canon? “Canonize” it? Is the fact that you eventually succeed at whatever it is you’re trying to do part of why we have the story presented to us in this bifurcated structure?

ROXY: this is finally where u come in jegbert ROXY: we gots quests for yous CALLIOPE: hee hee, yes. CALLIOPE: or *a* quest, to be specific. JOHN: oh boy! ROXY: (this fkin nerd i s2g)

Roxy and Calliope setting him on this quest as a Rogue of Void and a Muse of Space feels fitting.

JOHN: i'm not sure how i can go about freeing us from a hellish space prison, but i'm up for giving it a try i guess? JOHN: i have... literally nothing better to be doing at this point. except for maybe hanging out with harry anderson. ROXY: nice save lol

YEAH WE’RE STILL GLOSSING OVER HOW YOU LEFT HIM UNPROTECTED, JERK

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix JOHN: oh. JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then. ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity. ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan. CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more. CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it. CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak. CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself? CALLIOPE: ... CALLIOPE: phew. okay, i'm finished. CALLIOPE: CALLIOPE: sorry, that took longer than i expected to go throUgh.

..............................

OOooooh, kay.

Whatever this is, it’s going to be really weird and PROBABLY infuriating and/or shippy, and I’m probably not going to like it. Plus it seems like it’s some sort of inverse belated canonization of some other black-hole-rescue theories I went on about at some point. Although, related to that link, “aspect of freedom” if anyone wasn’t paying attention! That’s a (sorta-)canon mention of the purpose of it!

They’re going to attention-wh-- attention-hog themselves out of the black hole so that they’re “considered canon” too, or close enough. Huh.

ROXY: what r u talking about cals that was great ROXY: i could listen 2 u plotsplain for years CALLIOPE: oh you >u< ROXY: fyi this was why i wanted u to get a move on eggbread ROXY: so callie could have more time 2 infodump ROXY: thats love bitchhhhhh JOHN: hahaha. JOHN: ok, well, i think i understood all that?

Love with who? Callie, John, both?

In reality, John isn’t sure what most of this means. But on balance, it feels okay? He’s gone back and forth about a hundred times in the last week about where his place in everything is, so he might as well ride this out. Plus, the last time a Lalonde kind of told him to do something, he thinks that he chose not to, and look where that got him. And it’s not like he has other plans. He may as well do this! It’s at least going to get him involved in things again, if nothing else. He turns to go, and then hears a sound. It’s the sound of feet and knocking on doors, echoed through stone and digital static.

Oh shit. Is Andrew trapped behind some fourth walls behind the curtains.

> (==>)

Oh RIGHT also that DEVICE is where they want to bring Vriska. Are they going to overturn part of canon itself with a super-retcon thus making this timeline unbelievably relevant or--? Maybe make all the PESTERQUESTS canon or something?! I don’t know. Maybe they’re INTENTIONALLY starting the game like Vriska wanted to??????

Guh, this is something so big that I don’t WANT to theorize about it, do I.

JOHN: did you hear that? ROXY: wha ROXY: oh yeah uh ROXY: i may have messaged rose and kan and jade to check on them too ROXY: so its prob onea them showin up ROXY: they don’t need to know bout all this tho ROXY: we got time to chat with them b4 u go get vriska

No, even if it’s a knock at the somehow-top-level-house-even-under-buried-- oh, right, maybe it’s covering in part a monitoring system that looks up there. But still, part of that sound was DOUBTLESS these two hiding something, all standing in front of the curtain like that.

JOHN: i’ll go stall em. ROXY: thx babe ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine. ROXY: oh good ok see u up there soon!

How is calling your significant other “babe” not cool REGARDLESS of gender?! Like wasn’t that always cool? --Oh wait is it because they’re not together or... but... guh, I don’t know.

Anyway, see y’all after the holidays at least.

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #spoiler #spoilers #Roxy Lalonde #John Egbert #Calliope

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lunar-lair · 4 years

Text

Ok so like,,,,,,,,,Concept

Mermaid au but All the sides are mermaids and Thomas is the only human among them

Like humans still exist and stuff and it's probably modern day but mermaids don't really...interact with humans much

They aren't really *dangerous,* since most people don't believe they exist anyways, but mermaids just. Don't see them much. They never come out to deep enough waters or come by the coast at the right times or stay long enough, and most mermaids don't see it fit to expose themselves anyways.

Idk what fish everyone is yet, I plan on looking that up later, honestly, but I've got some Other ideas.

Anyways uh,,,,,,Remus is totally the one who finds Thomas first

He was with Roman, the two of them just seeing if any humans were hanging out near the beach. They were about ready to leave to go back to where the others were (they have a little grotto they've claimed for themselves that most other mermaids don't touch, probably mostly bc Remus terrifies them)

And then Remus stopped, hearing a human singing a song. That sounded like it was underwater. And was *also* an ancient siren's song, wh-?

Remus grabbed Roman by the shoulders and dragged him back closer to the shore, telling him to listen.

Both sat stunned for a moment.

Mermaids have their own language that most humans can't understand; it's a lot of singing and humming and clicking + a few deviations for different species, like accents for humans. Most of this language is due to mermaids being descendants of sirens, though nowadays they have different, more complex powers that align with a species and then deviate between people, in some circumstances, though most of them still relate to singing in *some* way. (Dw, the boys are all getting their own powers.)

Mermaids can understand humans, but just barely, most of the time. This human though, he was singing something they understood loud and clear.

They took a spot on a rock near him, Remus hiding behind Roman a bit. (He's always been the scarier of the two, and Roman is more social anyways. Plus...it was an old habit left over from when they were kids, ok? Don't judge.)

When the man stopped singing, eyes opening, he took a moment to look around

and then simply *froze* when he noticed fucking *mermaids* right in front of him, what the hell-

Thomas was just singing an old song his parents had sung to him when he was a child, why are there fucking *mermaids* here??

Roman quickly explained that *yes* we're mermaids but also YOU were the one singing an ancient siren song

And then the dude was like 'oh yeah I'm hearin ya' and they were like 'HH???'

Slowly, they explained that 'dude humans usually can't understand mermaids and we can't usually understand them, wh-'

And then the man's face scrunched up and he began speaking human speak, eyes widening as he switched again. "...how the Hell didn't I realize I was speaking in hums and whistles."

"Ya might be siren born!" Remus chimed from behind Roman, sharp teeth grinning wide as he moved out from behind him a little more.

Thomas was just like '???' and so they explained that 'yeah you might have siren descendants, we have a friend who knows more tho'

The twins talked with the man a little more, finding his name was Thomas and he was coming out to the beach because he used to come here a lot as a kid. Not to mention that the sea was...calling to him, he felt, as it always had.

"Definitely siren born," Roman muttered.

Anyways, after a little more talking and the boys introducing themselves-Roman and Remus, twins-and their powers-able to create anything they desire with a certain song and the right ingredients-they told Thomas to wait there and got the other four.

Thomas didn't get to ask what the "power" they mentioned was all about, but he simply waited.

Roman and Remus returned with the others, the twins settling on the same rock and most of the others just popping up from the water.

They introduced themselves, one by one;

Logan, able to help anyone understand or learn anything by simply humming in their hearing range. He's helped his stupid friends figure shit out like this a few too many times. He knows a lot about many things, as well; his powers are *made* to help people learn, and it pulls him to learn enough to properly do so.

Janus, able to deceive or trick anyone he wishes with the right song. He's also able to make anyone believe what he wishes them to, which he usually just uses to basically go 'psst. Taking a nap is a good idea' to his friends most of the time. He is not easy to trick, but he has a habit of lying, as it is what his powers are made for. It's also very difficult to get him to believe anything besides what he does at the time.

Virgil, able to make anyone fear or not fear anything at all. This is rather useful for keeping others safe and keeping dangerous people and things away from them aswell, but he himself is rather fearful, a result of his purpose being to manipulate others' fears.

Patton, able to spread any emotion he pleases, and able to sense emotions. This is useful in helping the others calm down and making sure they're ok. He's very emotional, however, and is often scrambled with his own between broadcasting emotions and sensing outside ones. A part of him is naturally against feeling negative emotions, as he fears he may accidently broadcast them. And either way, he's made to spread good, *useful* emotions, right?

And Roman and Remus' repercussions; Roman can only make certain things and same for Remus. Twins often share powers in this way, split between them. They also basically never stop thinking about what things to make, which makes them a little spacey. Remus is also prone to violent creations, and Roman flowery ones, as that's part of their bias as two halves. When they work together, it's absolutely perfect. Their harmonies are known for their beauty, similar voices harmonizing perfectly to put together things neither could dream of making on their own. Of course, it does take quite a bit of harmony from the two themselves, but they usually manage it. (There's a chance part of Remus' hectic personality is due to people disliking his creations for their darkness, and that part of Roman's theatrics and happy tune is part of trying to keep his side of their creations, but that's a different story, and a problem they're working on anyways.)

After Thomas asks about the "powers" stuff, Logan tells him simple and clean; "due to the fact that mermaids are descendants of sirens, we often have our own versions of their ability to lure others in with their songs. For instance;" Logan gave a simple hum, and suddenly Thomas knew the random (but slightly pertinent) fact that twin mermaids often have powers split between them.

As for the rest of the AU, Thomas just generally learns more about mermaids and stuff and eventually, over some time and some investigating into his family history that *yea I'm a descendant of a siren holy shit.* Thomas' power seemed to be a rather weak version of ancient sirens'; he's able to attract people to him, basically. People hear him singing and go 'wow he seems super cool I should talk to him'. Like um...friendship powers. Literally friendship powers.

Which is uh. Probably part of the reason the sides ended up becoming friends with him in the first place.

I don't know exactly what ocean creature everyone is going to be yet, and it probably won't change their Power(tm) (wow I need a better name for those) but it miiiight change their role in their group a little bit/the headcanons I have for how everyone is going to act, so I'll have to wait and see. For now though, I'll give you the basic idea:

Roman and Remus are the chaos twins, of course. They go around creating whatever the hell they want, basically-within reason. Mostly. Remus scares off any other mermaids for the most part and Roman talks to the ones that seem nice and assures them that they're just trying to keep their little grotto safe. The two of them were abandoned and grew up pretty much alone. They only had each other. They've got a pretty unbreakable bond-oh and also they have an *infinite* amount of teasing material and inside jokes.

Virgil also instills a little fear in most of them of specifically *hurting* him and his friends/messing with their shit. It used to be pure 'yeah fear us' when he didn't have as good as a grasp on his powers and just Panicked anytime anyone came up but now he's more like 'yeah just leave us alone pls'.

Janus? Absolutely the local mom. Goes around forcing everyone to sleep well and to eat and to *preserve your goddamn voices you idiots, I know we all love singing here but our voices are Important ok-*

Also forces Remus to stop chasing local tiny fish and is the only one that can really keep him in line. (Roman can too, for the most part, but he doesn't rlly mind Remus' random shit for the most part.)

Logan usually leaves for at least part of the day to explore and find more things out. He exhausted most tests he could of the other fives' powers to understand them better in about the first month, but he still has it filed away in his Memory Brain. (And that memory of his is exceptional; another important part of what makes his powers useful, and thus extremely pertinent.) Other than that he's usually telling the others off for doing stupid shit or telling someone stuff if they want to hear. (One of the others sits down every couple days and lets him infodump on specific fish and stuff like that. Sometimes verbally, sometimes through his hums, depending on the day.)

Patton is usually goin' around spreading good feels and fixing any bad ones he finds along the way. He's always checking on everyone, always making sure everyone's happy and ok, and they make sure he is in turn.

Sidenote for the Glasses Boys: yeah no I don't think they have glasses. Maybe it's more like...hm...they were born with slightly weak voices, ones that were wobbly. A simple fix, just as glasses are; simply more singing, more training of the voice, and they're mostly up to snuff.

Second sidenote, mermaids can sing without using their powers, but it's fairly rare as most see it as a necessity rather than something fun. The sides love singing, though, and random singing without a meaning at all can often be heard ringing through the tiny little home they've carved out.

I just realized I don't know how they sleep. Idk if/how this is going to work depending on what ocean creatures I choose, but currently the plan is they sleep in piles on the ocean floor, inside their grotto/cave thing. Sometimes just a couple of them sleep together, sometimes they'll all pile on. Depends on who goes to sleep when and what piles you want to join. The rule, though, is no one sleeps alone. It's just not as fun, and Patton insists. And we don't ignore Patton in this household, ok?

The twins like/hate sleeping together on their own depending on the night, though they almost always sleep together anyways. Just the two of them reminds them out at sea, alone when they were kids, but it also makes them feel *safe.* On the nights it reminds them of sadder days, they usually just beg one of the others to join them for the night.

It's basically a rule that *someone* has to oblige.

The twins don't sleep right without each other, honestly. Sometimes, though, they need someone else there to remind them of where they are now.

Idk what I'm going to do with the others' backstories, really. If nothing else, tho, current plan is that mermaid parents usually work like ours do; they raise a mermaid until it's mature enough to be out on it's own. This can change between species, though, and is mostly decided by the mermaid and it's parents according to species, preparedness, and like 50 other factors. So it's not quite as set-in-stone as it is for humans.

Remus and Roman were *certainly* too young when they were abandoned; maybe 10 years old when most leave at 16 to anywhere around 24.

No one knows where their mother went. Not even them.

Also just realized they don't have ages,,,,,,,,h

Note: mermaids live longer than humans (around 150 yrs mostly, deviates slightly depending on species) but they still use human ages, since they mature at...kinda the same rate. Sorta. Thomas, of course, will be living a little longer than most; probably 120 yrs or so, as most of his family is known for. (His great grandfather holds the record for humans at 140 yrs. Probably only a couple lines down from that og siren.)

Roman and Remus: 23

Virgil: 22

Patton: 24

Janus: 25

Logan: 24

Thomas: 23

Mermaid lifespans would probably be a lot shorter if most predators didn't know not to fuck with them. Even animals can understand that mermaids are *powerful,* and can and *will* protects themselves. Most mermaids live peacefully, unless they try to fight each other, which is actually kinda rare since they're usually loners or in small groups like The Boys are and they're usually pretty spread out.

Idk if I'm gonna do any romance for this AU...I'm kinda not in the mood?? Feelin like lettin this just be friends bein friends yknow

Idk. I think that's it for this idea for the moment. I'll come back with any major ideas/those ocean creature designations later, so yknow,,,,,,,,hype for that ig

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404-potato · 4 years

Text

I’m going to share something because I really need to get this off my chest. Please feel free to ignore this -

... I never really talked about it with anyone because I don’t think I really had it in me to fully acknowledge it even. “Embarrassed” is the best way to describe why quite honestly... as much as I hate to admit it

This... is how I ended up hating a series I loved. And the ship/fandom still makes me cringe because of a weirdly “traumatizing” (? maybe? not sure - i hate using that word/throwing it around;;;) incidents that wasn’t really even about the fandom directly at all?

tw: relationship mess?

So before IronStrange, how I used to deal with liking series was through cosplaying. There was a good base for it where I lived and good chunk of my friends cosplay too or at least familiar with the community.

I got into this particular series (that I won’t name here) because a friend (who I eventually got involved in a relationship with) was REALLY into it. It was great at first. I loved the series, it was fun, we cosplayed a pair she shipped hard at the time and at some point I liked it too (I think she’s still a bit obsessed with that pairing actually).

Basically... she got obsessive.

It started with the little things like... very...uh... predictable... she didn’t want me to cosplay with other people. She didn’t want me to cosplay with anyone else for this particular pairing. Wanted me to prioritize her during cons... sort of made it impossible for me to be flexible to make plans with any other people. When confronted eventually (the “hey so you know I only have so much time I can give to this hobby- if I make all these plans with you I don’t have time for other friends. We can still do things together but I want to spend time with other people too”)... she made it seem like she would give me space but when time came it was always “I’m not saying you can’t go hang out with your friends but you promised this.” “I asked you first.” ... which by promise btw was her mentioning it some months ago by passing. There were other little things here and there in the con/cos world like if any other friend wanted to put together a cosplay group and asked me she got upset I didn’t ask her to join? Her reasoning was that “well I always ask you so why don’t you.” which seemed like demanding I feel the same way about her as she did for me. ... I know... sounds terrible of me & maybe I should be more sympathetic but... you can’t... demand someone to return how you feel about them or get upset when they don’t? (by the way this was way before we dated even - she also repeated denied she had any sort of feelings for me)

And I honestly didn’t recognize it at first or thought it wasn’t a big deal. I had lot of incident in the past where friends, people I dated, etc. made some... perhaps unjustified demands and I did my best to accommodate if I was willing or situation allowed it. I truly, maybe arrogantly, believed I could fully take care of myself because i always had been that one person who could take care of themselves. ... and there was no possible way anyone could ever “take advantage of me” so to say? in any way.

Then eventually we started dating. It was casual, lets see where it goes at first. ...then at some point we were in a relationship? ... quite frankly I don’t even remember how fully that came about. (I was not exactly in the best mental state that year due multiple disasters that was going on in my personal life - terrible timing because i let a lot of “red flags” go since I was so tired to fight).

She wanted me to stop talking to certain friends. One was a friend who we went on couple dates (and it didn’t work out, & by then this friend was dating someone else). But she still didn’t want me be friends with this person.

...And for those who think you shouldn’t be friends with your exes or not talk to them at all for some reason? F u. Yes it is fully possible to be friends with your ex if you both are at a good place etc. Esp if these people were not even exes per se it was like people you went on a date or two with that you both realized after “hey yea we’re friends not anything more”.

Little by little I was talking to less and less people, interacted with less and less friends. I stopped cosplaying completely just so I didn’t have to deal with her getting upset at me. I didn’t have the energy. It felt like if I go anywhere I had to invite her. If I made any plans I should invite her. After a while I was so miserable to the point we had huge fights. I literally left the apartment to get away because she wasn’t listening to anything I was saying and all her rebuttal to everything was along the lines of “It’s because i like you so much” etc.

Yea this whole “being loved” thing to the point they want to spend so much time with you at all times may sound sweet in theory ...but for someone who is an only child (with no distant relatives in the same country), who is used to be left alone to live my life with very minimal supervision since 5 years old, needs a lot of time to myself naturally... it’s a nightmare. But if I said I wanted to be alone or need time to myself suggest I’ll go to my parent’s (not my first choice but ya know... at this point i figured she’ll flip if I said any friend’s)... she’ll try to angrily (very recklessly) drive off saying she’ll sleep at her work parking lot?? or I came back after one of these fights and she had all these scratches because apparently she tried to take a bath with wine and she fell?? ... I feel like I couldn’t even leave. ...typing this now, it’s kinda occurring to me I felt very stuck. She says I can go, I can do things, but... i mean... I can’t?? because then she’ll go off and do something like this. That time she was physically hurt, I know I should feel bad but I honestly couldn’t feel bad. I felt suffocated. I was angry. I felt like she was doing this as some sort of attention seeking... thing.

Oh and lets not forget comments here and there about how I should let her know what i’m doing all the time, all the change of plans. Example: barely one month after I started at a new job, it was the holiday party. I did let her know I’ll be trying to come home early but please eat without me/don’t wait up. Well as I was trying to leave, I got caught in conversation by my VP and then my CEO... i couldn’t just up and leave at that point?? And I couldn’t answer the 30+ calls I got from her. ...She was pissed. Saying how they waited for me to eat, how I said I’ll be home early, etc. I tried to explain what happened. It’s a holiday party, its loud. I can’t keep looking at my phone when i’m talking to my CEO. I did say i’ll try but shit happens and I can’t update her all the time 24/7...She said she got it but next day would still throw these passive aggressive remarks. Couple of her friends came to visit from out of town, we were supposed to spend the day together with them. I was obviously tired because of the holiday party still and I muttered like “damn i’m tired” by passing... her automatic reaction was “well you shouldn’t have stayed out then.” because in her words, during the argument that followed, we made plans to spend time with her friends so I should have prioritized it at all cost even over the job that I need. Nothing said I couldn’t just leave and come home early, I didn’t have to go in the first place. ...oh idk there is something called work politics??? esp when you are a minority girl working at 80~90%+ white male company.

Then it all boiled up to a particular bad fight where I said I need her to compromise because I’m ready to lose it... I explained so many things from above that was genuinely becoming so unhealthy for me... How she said she’ll be better in the past but she continued on, etc.

...lol... and the first thing she says to that is how she still doesn’t want me to cosplay with other people. I literally had a moment of that’s what’s so important to you??? SERIOUSLY? fuck this i’m not cosplaying ever again. period. Because at that point... because of the whole incident... or many incidents, I had such negative feeling towards the hobby I didn’t want to do it anyways... let alone this pairing she really liked... or the series etc. god there was... so many more... like the time we went to a bar to have fun, she over drank even when I told her multiple times hey maybe you should slow down... She basically did the whole “drinking excess as an excuse to say what she wants after” “i’m drunk so I’m saying this” thing. So in a very public place, the bar was crowded, there were people all around us, she yelled VERY loudly about how I didn’t seem to want to have sex with her anymore. When I asked her to keep quiet, please can we talk about this elsewhere... she KEPT GOING- LOUDLY YELLING. Hysterically crying. Honestly... considering everything going on... yea I didn’t want to. At some point it did occur to me I didn’t want to have sex at all (and that was whole another level of problem considering I’ve always been very sexual person...) I mean I would have been totally willing to have a serious conversation about this but NOT AT A PUBLIC PLACE WITH STRANGERS ALL AROUND??? I was mortified. (this is also why I stopped going to nice bars... i used to enjoy them. After my early 20s, I didn’t drink to get drunk but I loved visiting creative bars and having a nice drink or two... well... not anymore lol) Again, these are not even 50% of all that happened with this person. .... honestly this relationship caused me so much issues personally I haven’t even begin to solve. It’s actually to the point I’m considering therapy.

But yea... sure it may not be the biggest of things but sometimes I’m very resentful I can’t enjoy the series I used to enjoy because I just automatically have VERY negative emotions about it. Same thing with cosplay, a hobby I used to be very happily involved in to relieve stress. I now have this almost... fight or flight feeling when they are mentioned, i freeze... it sometimes feels like something is pressing down on your lungs making it impossible to breath.

...And this is also why... I started tumblr and ended up seeking company of online people who doesn’t really know me because... yea now I’m avoiding my friends at this point or mutuals with this person since... well, everyone thinks she’s a very nice person, very good for me... because on surface level, yea she does really seem like she likes me, gets me all these nice gifts etc. They still comment from time to time about how I should be doing better. Treat her better. Because if someone screws up in a relationship, given my history and personality, its probably my doing. ...Okay. any normal situation, yea I would say that’s probably true but this? this was not... yea.

#I know i'm not completely blamelss #after I was so fed up I was fairly harsh when telling her off etc #I don't believe in some perfect relationship but there is a difference between having a few problems here and there and... yea

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water--gang · 4 years

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for now they are close here too!! I mean I can wait but you absolutely have to get your first one as soon as possible :') the choice of the studio is super important!! you have to make sure the tattoo artist has a style similar to the one you like and that they make you feel comfortable!! so think carefully <33

ooh sweetie it's totally fine to be scared!! but I don't think that I have a high pain tolerance either and I really felt nothing sjkghl (of course it's different for everyone!) and AAAH i wanted to ask you what are you gonna get!!(so please feel free to share all the tattoos you have in mind🤧) I'm so happy you're just as curious about tattoos as me lol okay so I have just 3 tattoos and they are all pretty small! the letter J (the initial of my brother), the word 'hesperus' from a poem I really like and the latin quote 'hic et nunc' (my favourite one so far but that's another story for another time fellas)

i don't actually know if they're closed here. I'm planning to message to one studio tomorrow to ask if they are open haha i don't really know... how to choose because I'm looking at everything online sjxnjs and the style... well. i have my own design and it's very very simple so i think any tattoo artist can do that? they have a couple people working in the studio, i looked thru the profiles on their site and based solely on that i liked this one lady. i also saw one of the tattoos she's done is like... just lines and not some intricate picture so yeaaa i prolly wanna go with her!

oooh those sound really nice! mine are a biT biGgEr ahhaha.

ahhhh I've loved tattoos for so long man, i can't wait to get my first one uwuwu

hmm well this first one is gonna be on my forearm, now i don't remember if that's where the pain is worst or okay sjdnjs I've looked at some many pain maps but i still don't remember smh

I'll put the tattoos under the line so people don't have to scroll so much to skip this djxndn

aight so

firstly. the one i wanna get first! also the first tattoo i came up with hehe i have pictures for like... 5/6 of them. i drew all of them on myself so they look scuffed but they'll give you the general idea yaknow

i drew this on myself like 2/3 years back. i included the second picture just cause i think it looks cool but yea the first one is the version I want. for now hehe i actually have plans for modifications i could get for this one :))

i also have recent pictures from like idk 5 days back but they include two more tattoos as well so I'll keep em for later

secondly. my finger tattoo! probably the second or third one I want to get. i say or third because I might get a matching tattoo with my best friend first. anyway here starts the theme of stars that carries over a couple of the tattoos sjdjjs

tiny and simple. but i love it! i love the stars and the moon which is why I want to have this one uwu also i love finger tattoos and this is the best I came up with jsnxn

this brings us to another one which i actually want to get at the same time as the finger one because it's gonna be on like... the thumb? it's a symbol! here I'll give a picture if the symbol only and later on I'll give pictures with it on the thumb. cause those are the ones that include the first one as well haha

these are on the left hand btw

moving on to the next one. this one is a text tattoo! a lyric tattoo if you call it that. from my favorite song uwu it will be on the right handy thumb to wrist area. i tried writing it on myself but I'm right-handed so you can see how that would go awfully sjdnns

so yea excuse the awful writing please sjnxns if you can't decipher it, it says Step out of them Voices. placed somewhere around that area, it was hard to really choose properly since I was writing with my left hand sjdnns

next up. a small one behind my ear. a lil star! yes. i love stars a lot sjxns was thinking i could get this one sometime without anyone knowing and waiting till someone notices it sjxnd i told have a picture for this one cause... yea it's behind the ear. or like you know somewhere behind there cause i just think those are cool

last but not least. the chest one! it's not like a big complex piece tho. just a sun and some stars. because. once again, i love stars sndnd and just the sky in general you know. I'm in love with the sky uwuwu which is why I have so many pictures of it on my phone from when I go on walks ahahhah

and here we have it. please excuse my awful skin jsndjd i don't expect to get all these tattoos anytime soon because of the price so I'm hoping my skin gets sorted till then you know xjdj

also apologies for how scuffed it looks jsnxnd ngl drawing on your chest is vErY hard. i drew the sun off of a reference i found but i was honestly rushing thru it cause it was... just difficult and i knew i wouldn't get it right anyway sjdnd

the placement isn't gonna be 100% like that cause once again, i drew it on myself sjxnd i want the sun on my sternum, I'd love to explain the exact place but uhh... i can't sjdjd and yea i want the eight stars around it. most likely more spaced out because I feel like this is... too close together, it would look better further away from each other. and the place for them would be like under my collarbones?? cause collarbones hurt a lot right?? ehh well I'll just have to handle it somehow. but yea! that's my six planned tattoos ahahha

now for the whole left arm. aka the three tattoos in one pictures

sorry about the even more scuffed sketch of the first tattoo jsbdns i did that during class cause I was bored and wasn't exactly trying to be precise ahhaha

but yea that's how my left arm should look after I get all of these uwu

andddd here are my plans for adding onto the first tattoo

in this picture the three lines just go all around BUT my plan isss... i want the lines to come together and intertwine on the other side of my forearm, i want them to come to one point where they're like knotted up andddd i want a flower to like rise from that point, i want it to go down to my hand, with it's end on my wrist probably, don't want to it to go all the way on the hand.

i have no idea if that was understandable enough. i suck at explaining sjdjsn but i think it would be pretty??? and i think it goes with the theme i gave it in my head pretty well

so... yea

those are my tattoo plans ahhaha i love talking about tattoos sjdjjs

sorry about the long ass post

— admin

#admin posts #i love tattoos #ask #anděl anon #cw scars #i feel like i should put that warning there just in case #they may not be that visible but they're still there so... yea just in case

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kingcygnus · 6 years

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OK. I know I said that I wouldn't share my negative thoughts but the more I think about s8 the more frustrated and sad I get, that I just need to let it all out. so bear with me.

(I'm on mobile so I can't put on the 'read more')

ALSO MAJOR SPOILERS and as a PSA this is not shipping discourse or even focused on that, even tho I will discuss some of the pairs. it's more on the writing and everything related to it, plot, character story and stuff related to those.

the season started ok. the first episode was ok and I did enjoy those golion/80's voltron references since I used to watch them. but then as it started progressing it just got... bad.

way too rushed, poor character writing, deus ex machinas and bad story telling. also leaving some plot-holes that the only way we can fill is by theories that don't really have much information to ground them in.

let's start with our princess Allura. she was done dirty. not only she felt ooc, the ending they gave her (DEATH) felt rushed and... forced. at first I was glad that allura and lance got together, since it let her have some happiness and also showed lance's character growth. but then, they just killed her. she was all willing to die and no one stopped her (except for coran and lance, and even then eh). and like by the end I was expecting her to appear, bc by all the bs deus ex machina they had showed earlier, I wouldn't have been surprised by this. also, the fact that she kept saying she had lost her family and people and had no one else, while completely ignoring coran, who has always been by her side as a parental figure. it saddens me that they couldn't even say good bye to each other. AND WHILE WE'RE ON THAT: HER DEATH WASN'T EVEN NECESSARY. honerva could have just been "hey, let me repay for my mistakes this way and you can go to continue to bring peace to the universe". but no, gotta add that shock value and sad moment. tl:dr : ALLURA DESERVED BETTER.

now, since we're already on not necessary things. the wedding. the whole epilogue honestly, but let's focus on the wedding. listen dw, I know you were trying to receive your "woke points" by having shiro marrying a dude (whom we didn't know existed or even cared much about him) and saying he found his true happiness and gave up on the battle. like, that's not shiro. at all. not to sound like that fan but, shiro would've married the man of his dreams (or just not married at all) and continued to fight for what he believed in, explore space and just continued to be a pilot. just last season we saw him feeling happy, content, on joining the battle and fighting alongside voltron with atlas. yet you dare tell me that he just left the battle to become a househusband. and since we're on the shiro topic, let's just go all out. what did you do to my man?? if allura felt kinda ooc, then shiro was just,, not shiro,,, he was just,, there. he's a main character, but we just saw him relegated to the background. only moment he kinda came back was during that atlastron battle in which it was the team back together. also, he felt so disconnected towards the other paladins??? like he kept referring them to "paladins" as if they were strangers, compared to before when he would more often call them by their names or "guys" than by "paladins". and even when he was on screen, all we saw him doing was giving orders (except for that clear day episode). there wasn't much to his character this season. and before we change topics, shiro just standing there with a :0 expression while keith was just about to get murdered was so fucking ooc; like back on s2e8 shiro was more than ready to fight the entire bom to save keith, but during this scene he just stood there. awkwardly. doing nothing.

and while we're on shiro and keith. damn it felt truly horrible. let's take off the shipper glasses and look at it from a writing and story telling perspective. a critical perspective. those two had a close bond, they were best friends. keith fucking risked his ass many times to save shiro, even brought him back from the death. he was willing to save him "as many times as it takes" bc that's how much he loves him. he freaking killed sendak for shiro. supported shiro back when he was the paladin of the black lion. got away from the team so shiro, once he came back, could get the chance to fly black again. and in this season, we didn't even saw them interacting but 2 times, and always staying 5 feet apart. where was that friendship and closeness we got a whole garrison flashback for. after this season, all those moments, like haggar saying shiro's bond with keith is the closest and deepest, feel just empty. and like, if dw wanted to add that wedding scene, they could've saved it by having it be keith instead of curtis, you know, a character we had previously seen with a deep connection to shiro, who had a close relationship with. something that actually made sense. like either do it right or just don't do it (they shouldn't have done it). that's just bad (and rushed) writing.

next topic. TOO MANY CHARACTERS OH GOD. there were just too many characters and so little time. yes, it's good to develop new characters so the viewers can sympathize with them more. yes, it's good to have more characters. but not with so little time left. since s7 we were introduced to this new bunch of characters, besides the ones we had already met on the past 6 season. so mix them all up on one whole season, and you just get a mess. bc you either move your plot and underdevelop your characters, or you try too hard to develop them and then slow pace the plot to by the end you realize you're reaching the end, you just rush it all up. it's impossible (or at least very difficult) to balance both these factors in 13 episodes with 23 minutes each. it tires the viewers. having that many characters also causes to forget about other characters that we thought were supposed to be important (matt)

now let's get to the plot holes. listen, sometimes vague writing is good. but it's only good when you're giving the audience something to base their ideas on, and info that they can use and so give them a more solid form. but instead, voltron just drops all this stuff that could've been explored on future seasons, even on this last season, and then just not talks about it anymore like it never happened. and instead just leaves the viewer with more questions than answers. also, making stuff happen just because without any warning or minimal explanation. at the end the lions go. where? idk. why? idk either. are they coming back to the paladins? I. don't. know. it feels just too rushed and like they just wanted to end it for the sake of ending it.

did I mention the deus ex machina?? voltron about to be defeated? spirits of former paladins suddenly can also fight with no explanation whatsoever. voltron loses their quintessence? nope, they just need to believe. voltron about to get killed? atlas comes out of nowhere. the rift about to destabilize? nope, balmeras just appear out of nowhere with no explanation as to how they even got there and how did they know where to arrive and how did they get there so fast. everyone having a breakdown about realities getting destroyed? allura and honerva got that covered by sacrificing their lives (they're literally the goddess-like figures of the show)

this *points to s7-s8* is what happens when you suddenly change your writing team: A Mess.

as a side note: the animation was amazing. the soundtrack was amazing. the battle sequences were amazing. and yea, there were those moments that I did enjoyed from this season, but overall it felt too poor on the writing compared to the previous season which had been amazing. as a I said, this one was made too rushed and with a new writing team, it would've needed a miracle to actually turn out good.

and listen, I wouldn't have been as disappointed as I am if it hadn't been for all those interviews.

yea, we can't blame everything on the vld staff, dw execs are also at fault (deadlines, censorship, etc) since they're the ones at power, but fans are also to blame. two main factors: consumerism and harassment. I don't need to expand on these tbh.

anyways this is my rant on s8. if you read it all, thanks?? maybe I skipped over some other stuff, but these are the things that bothered me the most. specially writing wise.

I just,,, needed to let it out.

#vld s8 #voltron #voltron spoilers #wassi rambles

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