#anyways it makes me happy that shit i made ages ago still makes people happy! ^u^

[fishyartist]

ancient relic of the past (this 2018 art of jade homestuck) is circulating a bit, soi decided 2 redraw it 4 fun! ^u^

[taleofharrison]

AN: I wrote this ages ago and I randomly decided to expand on it lol and here we go.

Steve is a model, he moved to LA with Eddie the moment Eddie got his record deal. It was probably the easiest decision he had ever made, his parents still travelled a lot and his best friends had left Hawkins for college and other projects so he didn't anything left in Hawkins.

They lived in the cheapest apartment they could find near the record label's office, Steve got a full time job while Eddie had a part time job since he had to be free to record demos, talk to execs and essentially work towards releasing an album.

Eventually when the money became more steady and Corroded Coffin started making noise in the scene Steve got a part time job and started joining the guys on the studio and photoshoots. That's how he got discovered by a photographer who thought he'd look good in an upcoming fashion campaign and from that moment on Steve's career as a model just sky rocketed to the point he was considering acting too.

Steve became familiar to the fandom often being there and even could be found in music videos, he was as loved as the rest of the band was and Eddie couldn't have been prouder, that's why the decision made by their label of keeping his relationship private was devasting, hard and upsetting.

After the kiss at the sold out show, the press was crazy and fans connected all the dots. It made sense now why Eddie rejected all the groupies while it seemed like the rest of the group left the concerts with a different person every time.

Headlines were a mess. "EDDIE MUNSON OFF THE MARKET" "EDDIE MUNSON'S NEW FLING. DISCOVER WHO HE IS" "EDDIE MUNSON'S FIRST PUBLIC RELATIONSHIP: WILL THIS LAST?"

To the managers and PR team this was a mess and a crisis of sorts. The sex, drugs and rock&roll life they wanted to sell was broken. Eddie didn't give a shit though. He didn't pay attention nor care to listen to whatever the label had to say, it was his life and his career at the end of the day.

"You two" Greg, the manager spoke over the phone "have to give an interview together, make it seem like you got together during the tour"

The reporters from People magazine arrived to the their shared house in Beverly Hills. Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't a mansion. After growing in the biggest and emptiest house of Hawkins the last thing Steve wanted was a huge house and Eddie just wanted Steve to be happy. Their house had 3 bedrooms, enough to have Wayne or friends over a few days and an extra room for when they were ready for kids, it was perfect.

"How long have you been together?" The reporter asked once they sat in the living room.

"Straight to the point, I see" Eddie chuckled "since high school pretty much"

"Eddie!" Steve exclaimed. He had off script but it only took one look from Eddie to follow along "well he's a year older than me and I had already graduated when we got together"

"Well I was about to start my third try on my senior year, so to me we have been dating since high school" Eddie explained further "we got together summer of 85 while he was selling ice creams in the cutest sailor outfit"

"You said you wouldn't bring that up!" Steve groaned.

"I can't help it. That really caught my eye back then" Eddie "I have photos of that, do you want to see them?"

The reporter was caught off guard when Eddie suddenly addressed him, it didn't take much to notice that if they were together, they acted as if no one else was around them.

"Uh no, it's fine" he stammered "that's not the point of the article anyways"

"Thank you" Steve spoke again "so what else do you want to know?"

After the interview and the reporter left Eddie and Steve fixed themselves some snacks and wine.

"You went off script" Steve told him "your label is gonna flip"

"Yeah, well" Eddie said after taking a sip of wine "all I care about is finally getting to kiss you whenever and wherever I want"

Eddie leaned in for a kiss which Steve gladly accepted, he was so glad Eddie went off script.

"And just in time for the Grammy's" Eddie suddenly remembered "you'll be my plus one and we'll walk the red carpet together"

[kimberlyannharts]

LAST TIME ON MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS: THE RETURN: Depressed milf Kim just got finished traumadumping onto Trini's relative Selena about all the shit that happened on the Moon 22 years ago, just to find out that this wasn't Trini's relative at all, but some mysterious white-haired witch out for revenge???? I guess it makes sense it would never be the simpler option. MMPR: The Return #3!

= So here's the reveal of the dialogue that was blacked out in the previews! Selena Repulsa, the daughter of Rita Repulsa and Lord Zedd, is official! There's something very funny about the fact that she didn't even use a fake name for her Kwan family disguise. She heard Sylvia had an S name and was like sweet, I can just play the alliteration card

= I mentioned before in the first issue that this series was already discussing the topic of secret identities in a more nuanced way than the main series' "Zordon is a tyrant for having rules" strategy so I'm happy that's being continued here. YES public use of the powers can be used for good in society but ALSO it can make it really, really, REALLY easy for your enemies to pick you off the street

= also UNCLE HOWARD SPOTTED

= YEAH BABY

= Selena is hilarious btw. YOU BUILT A BOMB AND ARE SURPRISED IT KILLED PEOPLE?

= this is Dungeon Meshi

= I already made the Paul Dano does he know?.png joke but I can't help it. It's too perfect. Alternatively: Kimberly Hart Dreamworks Face

= Zedd is noticeably less involved in this story than Rita is (as per the usual with BOOM books, admittedly) but I do like how this plan still uses him in some way. Part of me is still curious as to what Dad Zedd would have been like, though

= she's meditating, guys she's died

= he was literally born to be a girl dad and the fact that his "main universe" child is a son makes me fucking sick

= also off-subject but I see the occasional comment about how the civilian forms for these flashbacks look too young and it's like.....guys. They're only 22. If anything, drawing them like how they looked on the show is ACCURATE to their age, considering how old the actors themselves were when they were on the show kjdkfjdkfjd and anyway Dino Thunder lied to you. Tommy would absolutely be wearing tank tops as an adult. Those long sleeves were the devil's work

= I still say I don't want to get attached to any theory about Tommy and whether or not he'll end up alive but Rita seeming to be aware that he saved her daughter and getting his attention before doing the spell...........that's probably going to be important

= You guys don't understand how much I need the scene where Tommy and Kim discovered she was pregnant and the conversations they had afterwards. Every "ranger kid" story has been so bad about "what does the parent think about their kids one day inheriting their ranger powers" and The Return is the one closest to understanding this is a very logical and rational conversation to have!!!!!!!

= also Olivia was 100% unplanned this i just the vibe i get. And props to my gender-inclusive king Tommy Oliver

= "no more Power Rangers.......except my daughter who's COOL as FUCK"

[rottenblur]

My modern romeo | J.MILLER

starcrossed lovers

Summary: Growing up forced into the WLF organization for survival, life was boring. Secretly trading with a rival group, the people from jackson, something goes wrong. Nothing lethal like your group finding out youre trading with sworn enemies, letal like falling deeply in love with joel miller.

WARNINGS: fluff, strangers to starcrossed lovers, smut in later chapters, age gap, reader 23, joel 40’s mentions of death jokingly, angst in later chapters, fluffiest shit I’ve ever wrote

Sneaking out of wolves base was scary, dangerous. Yet it was a commute you made every Friday without fail. You’d made a promise one year ago with a broad scary man, you’d trade with him every Friday apon request on things the wolves had, and jackson didn’t.

You’d come across him on a late night walk to go stargazing, he was out for way more important reasons, coming home from a supply run.

“You know. Theres a whole apocalypse out here, ‘nd here you are fucking stargazing.”

You sat up clutching your pistol, pointing it at him. Your back damp from the wet grass you were just laying on. He doesn’t say anything more, just holding his hands up in defence. “Didn’t mean to scare you sweetheart, just surprised to be honest.”

You put your pistol back in its holster, hanging on your hip. You trusted him, you trusted too easily, especially in this world. The words of your parents telling you to shoot him, that you can’t trust anyone ringing through your eyes, yet you ignore it.

He seemed nice though. Who would just stare at someone so vulnerable, if he wanted to kill you he would have. “I guess its my only happiness, the world is shit yet the stars still shine so beautifully.” You said leaning back on your elbows, looking at him the only light being the moon.

He smirks, or you think, hard to tell, too dark out. “ya mind if i join you?” You shake your head, he lays his backpack and shotgun down, stepping towards you. You can see him clearer now.

Hes aged, at least forty. His hair is scattered with grey strands, he had soft brown eyes, wrinkles around the edges. Facial hair, to match with his hair, his knees cracked when he kneeled next to you. A tan jacket stretched around his wide shoulders, fairly worn.

He laid down about a foot away from you, a comfortable distance for a stranger you just met. He tucked his arms to cushion his head from the wet grass.

“What’s that accent? Not from around here, i’m guessing.” You said gazing to the stars.

He looked over at you, then back to the stars, laughing before replying.

“You apocalypse babies, know nothing ‘bout the real world but to shoot. You’re right it’s texan, ’m from texas”

You frown “Hey! We arent all like that, maybe the ones born later, but i was born at the start you old fuck.”

He gasps pretending to be offended. “So you in a group? Too pretty to be on your own.” He points to your freshly washed clothes.

You smile at the compliment. “Unfortunately, if I got caught sneaking out i’m sure i’d be hung.”

You look over at him “what group are you from? I don’t believe in all that enemy bullshit, don’t be scared.”

He laughs. “As if you’d be able to kill me anyways, jackson.”

Fuck.

“Oh.” Is all you reply with, If the wolves found out you were hanging out with someone from jackson, you’re sure they wouldn’t even give you the pleasure of a quick death.

“What?” He looks at you.

“Im a fucking wolf.” You pinch your nose bridge with frustration.

He sits up shocked. “Yeah right pretty, little thing like you, is a WLF.”

You don’t say anything, the silence makes him believe you. “Fuck you’re serious.”

“Its my parents fault, not like I chose it. Whats it like in jackson?” You try to calm the conversation, the building friendship.

“It’s nice, its like the world before. Fucking Christmas lights and a bar.” He turns to face you.

You smile. “Really? A bar? That’s luxury.”

He smiles back. “I ‘suppose, you even old enough to be in a bar?”

You groan. “Fuck you! Im twenty three. Not like its your business- uhh what’s your name, i didn’t ask.”

He lets out a yawn, it was late maybe you were keeping him from his soft warm bed. You started imagining him shirt off, cuddled up in a blanket, mouth open, snoring away. Oh god i need to stop you think.

“Joel, Joel miller. Not that last names really matter anymore.”

You smile, it had a nice ring to it, you tell him your name and follow up with. “Okay Mister Miller, i have to ask what don’t have in your luxurious place of jackson.”

He lays back down staring at the stars as he thinks. “Books. There’s not alot of books, theres this book i was dying to read pre apocalypse and i never got ‘round to it, practically my biggest regret”

You giggle. “Must be a good book to stress that much over it, what book?”

“Crime and punishment, its a Russian novel, a classic i guess” He looks at you.

You sit up. “NO SHIT. I have that book at home, i could give it to you, if its truly your biggest regret”

He smiled bigger than before. “You sure? You’re not reading it? What don’t those wolves have?”

You shake your head. “Read it about a million times, it’s good. Those fluffy woollen socks, they aren’t much of knitters i guess.”

He smiles “It’s a trade then, got a shit ton at home. Meet on friday?”

You nod. “See you then. Shit, im out way later then usual, i gotta go. Can’t get caught or you might never get that book, Miller” You frown, get up and brush the grass off your jeans, walk to joel and shake his hand.

He accepts it, his rough tanned hand engulfs yours. His hand is big, over average you think, veins litter the top of it stretching up his arm.

Walking home you couldnt shake the smile off your face, you met someone new. Someone nice, someone handsome.

You plop on your bed, grab the most desired book by him. Flip to the first page and with a pen you scribble. “Hope it lives up to your expectations, from your dearest.” Adding the finishing touch, a star.

All you dreamt of that night was Joel’s face with the cast of moon light.

When friday arrived you counted down the minutes till four. Same time as your first meeting, you exchanged your trades.

It couldnt just stop at that, no. You talked about anything and everything, ending with your next trade items for the next Friday.

Thats how Friday became your favourite day. Joel’s day.

My masterlist

AN: this is 100% inspired by Romeo and Juliet

This is mostly a prologue, how reader and joel met next chapter will be them completely known to eachother, reader so god damn in love with him.. maybe he feels the same. This was short as it is just a prologue. Check out my other works of joel and javi on my master list.

[weezly14]

so i'm not going to respond to any individual asks - this is the blanket response to all the asks i've gotten in the past few weeks asking me when i'm going to update my WIPs, if i've abandoned them, etc. i appreciate the love, i do. i miss dust to dust, and something good and right and real, and i wanna be your boyfriend, too.

i might regret being this honest later, but fuck it, it's my blog and not enough people talk about this shit.

i'm struggling with infertility. emphasis on the struggle. i'm weepy from fertility meds, in the midst of my first treatment cycle, half hope and half fear. we're "unexplained infertility," so there's no reason why it shouldn't work, except it hasn't so far, so hope feels like a dangerous thing.

for anyone who hasn't experienced this, it's a complete and total mindfuck. i don't feel like the same person i was a year ago, before all those negative pregnancy tests. i thought i'd have a baby by now, or at least be pregnant. instead, i have a shitty not even diagnosis, and Options that are both a blessing but also invasive, and expensive, and in no way a guarantee. every month i calculate when the due date would be; think about the events we have planned for next year in terms of where i could be in a pregnancy; and every month, my period arrives right on schedule, if not a day early. i have yet to see a positive pregnancy test. it's "only" been a year, and i'm "so young," but it feels like it's been ages and like i'm running out of time.

we've been forced to have conversations about money, about how far we want to go with treatment, about when we might call it. "it's too early to think about that," you might say, but one cycle of ivf could cost $16k. we have good insurance, but are we willing to undergo more than one egg retrieval? how many failed transfers before we decide the emotional toll is too high? it's better to have those conversations now, before we have to, when we can maybe make clearer decisions. would we consider donor eggs or sperm? surrogacy? what about adoption?

meanwhile, i'm watching friends and acquaintances get pregnant with no problem, as i try not to completely isolate myself and try to track ovulation, as though timing might be the problem.

(it's not.)

i'm not the person i was before all of this, and it sucks. i'm a sadder, smaller person, i think. i'm trying my best. i'm "practicing hope" or some shit, i'm doing my best to keep my head up and stop isolating, stop avoiding my pregnant best friend, stop wallowing in the grief. because it is grief. if i get pregnant, it will be because of fertility meds and doctors, it will happen in a sterile exam room, hopefully with my husband holding my hand, if he can get the time off work. there will be no spontaneous pregnancy, no surprise. there's grief in that, in letting go of what i thought this might be like, how i thought it might go.

so yes, writing fic has fallen by the wayside. not because i want it to. i just have a hard time finding the energy to do even fun things. i miss the person who could write a lot in short spans of time, who had the energy for fic. i'd like to believe i can still be that person again. i don't consider any of those fics abandoned. i've written, i've worked on things.

but, right now, it feels like my entire life, my entire being, is consumed with this struggle to get pregnant. like my life is measured by where i am in my cycle. i look at my calendar and think, that's when i'll get my period or a positive test, so i should be mindful in what i plan. i might be very happy, or i might have a very bad day.

sometimes, the bad days feel eternal.

but i'm doing what i can. i'm trying, anyway. my therapist said i should practice hope, and i'm trying to. i'm trying to let myself believe things might work out. even though the fucking meds have made me weepy as hell, i'm trying to stay positive, and envision that this cycle could work. that on christmas day, instead of my period, i'll get a positive pregnancy test.

(because going home for christmas isn't loaded enough.)

there's an old wives tale that if you wrap a baby blanket and put it under the tree, you'll have a baby by next christmas. i'm jewish, but we're an interfaith household, so we bought a baby blanket, and we're going to wrap it in hanukkah paper, and put it under the tree. we have a hope basket in the nursery - because when we moved into this house we set aside a bedroom to be the nursery, and it's empty except for that little basket of baby things we've collected over the months, in the hopes that one day we'll have a baby to dress in the little onesies or socks. we have a running list of names. this is our version of practicing hope.

this is only our first treatment cycle. things could work. or maybe the next cycle. and then, there's always ivf. some days, i feel like it'll work for us, and we will have a baby, one way or another. other days, i wonder if i shouldn't just spare myself the pain and call it now. it's exhausting, infertility.

so, to everyone who misses my writing, and wonders when i'll update again - i don't know. i miss my writing, too. i miss being the person who wasn't so consumed by fertility shit, who could indulge in hobbies. i'd like to believe i can get back to that. but not this week.

the holidays are joyous but they're also really fucking hard, so let me be your friendly reminder not to ask people when they're having kids, or why they aren't pregnant yet, and to not tell people struggling with infertility to "just adopt" or "just relax."

happy holidays.

[gh0stsp1d3r]

Safe

Warnings- its all angst, none of its happy 🤭

Your guys child is like 3/4 idc however old you wanna imagine

You put your baby down to sleep, and sighed in relief. You could finally relax.

Tangerines been gone a few days, he’s been doing jobs off and on, and apparently this one was so urgent he had to come home say hi and then leave again.

He called you though, all that was all that mattered.

“Hey, love. I uh… should be home in a few days. The job should be done today but some things have come up.”

“Are you okay? You sound a bit…”

“I’m- I’m fine.” He said. He would admit he was just crying in the bathroom, not knowing if he’d get the chance to go back home. “Just uh.. tired, is all. I can’t wait to see you both.” He said.

“I can’t wait to see you. Be safe, okay?” You said.

“I always am. Well, uh, I’ll call you back later, I love you guys.”

“Love you too.” You said.

He hung up and sighed, holding his head down in defeat. He sat down on the dirty floor, head hung down.

❤︎︎❤︎︎❤︎︎❤︎︎❤︎︎

He saw the girl again.

“Oi! You, I know you.” He said, pointing to her. “You’re the girl, aren’t ya?”

He walked closer to her, she looked panicked. “Oh my god.” She said quietly.

“Yeah, I never forget a face, me.”

“I’ts so good to see you. Please help me. Uhm.. there’s this man and he was holding me hostage. He was wearing glasses and… and he killed my uncle, and he also killed this other man which I don’t know.. he just kept talking about- uh- uh- uh.. Thomas the trains and..”

“Tank engine.”

“Yeah, right, exactly. But he killed both of them and then he said he was going to get away with some sort of money, I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know who the fuck you are.”

“I’m just a girl who was supposed to get off at Nagoya and then-“

“That was fucking ages ago!”

“I know! But this man he just said that I could be a good backup plan and that a pretty girl makes a good hostage.” She said, voice trembling.

“Well, he ain’t wrong there, but, look keep your fucking knickers on, alright?”

“Please just help me.”

“Alright, alright, calm down. Get off or do whatever the fuck you’d like, your free to go.” He passed her.

“Thank you, thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, don’t know what you’re still fucking doing here anyway.”

He looked back and he tore off a sticker on her back.

“Huh.”

“Are you okay?” She asked, innocently.

“Diesel. The absolute fucking worst. Little shit-stirrer.” He sighed heavily. “See, Lemon, God rest his soul, he could read people, see them for who they really are. He was right, there’s been a diesel, running around this train, causing all sorts of fucking havoc, and it was you the whole fucking time! You dirty little diesel!” He pulled his gun out and pointed it at her.

“You made lemon bleed, and lemon never bleeds.”

Ladybug came up behind him and the girl put her act back on, she screamed.

“Oh my god! Sir, please help me!!”

Ladybug took his gun and shot him right in the neck.

The girl scrambled back and ladybug looked at tangerine.

“Ohhh…”

Tangerine held his neck, and tried to stop it.

He slid his phone to ladybug.

He tried to speak, and tell him that she was the diesel. But he didn’t understand until he fell to the ground, lifeless.

“You’re a diesel. What the fuck..”

He took tangerines phone, and saw a treat from someone.

The name had “My love” with a wedding ring emoji. He used tangerines messed up face, and opened his phone.

“Hey, call me back when you’re done please. Shes asking for you.” The text read.

He scrolled through some other texts and pictures.

“Oh fuck, did I really just kill a married man with a kid?” Ladybug sighed. “My therapist is gonna need a therapist after next session.”

❤︎︎❤︎︎❤︎︎❤︎︎

There was a knock on the door, it woke you up. You sighed, getting up and expecting a package or maybe even tangerine.

Instead, you were met with Lemon. He looked sad.

“Hey, lemon. What’s up? Where’s your brother?”You muttered groggily, rubbing your eyes.

You considered them brothers, because brothers didn’t need to be blood.

“About that.. I’m sorry. He’s dead.”

“What..” you said, quickly waking up and denying it.

“I was unconscious while it happened, but the person who did it said it was an honest accident. He says that he’s sorry, and that he’d do anything to take it back.”

“No, no, Lemon. That’s not.. tell me this isn’t true. Tell me you’re joking.” You said, your lips quivering.

He looked up, to avoid crying as well.

“I’m so sorry, I miss him too.” He muttered, as you cried, he patted your back and where red the house, he guided you back to the couch. You sat down and held your face in your hands.

Lemon started crying to.

“Wheres.. uh-“

“Uncle lemon?”

He turned back quickly.

“What’s wrong with mommy?” (D/n) asked.

“Go back to sleep, we can talk in the morning. It’s late.” You said, you would need time to process so that you could explain it to her. Lemon got up and carried her to her bed, tucking her in and closing the door.

He sat back down on the couch next to you. He hugged your side, and sat with you as you cried. He was tearing up a bit too.

“How- How am I supposed to explain to her that her dads not coming back..?” You muttered quietly, while still crying.

“I’ll explain it to her. I’ll stay here for as long as I need to.”

[fonulyn]

20 Questions for Fic Authors

thanks for the tag @thebrandywine 💖

answers under the cut.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

268 works.

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

1,256,253 words.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

RE. and still have the urge to write Gears but lol if you thought nivannedy was a rare pair...

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

nobody's perfect (TOG, pretty gen)

now drunk on lust I drown in you (forever within I'm lost in you) (RE, Chreon)

and who's to find the way right through you (RE, Chreon)

scattered fragments of time (that's all we are) (RE, Chreon)

how to accidentally get adopted - a guide by Piers Nivans (RE, Piers-centric, also background Chreon)

5. Do you respond to comments?

always! i know i missed a couple, sometimes i take ages, but i do always try to respond bc i love and cherish nice comments.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

the bad endings on three words to last forever. i still like the angstiest one the most :'D

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

lmao like everything else idk i want them happy. i've written loads of fluff idk how to quantify which is the happiest.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

only ever got a few nasty comments thankfully, so no, not really.

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

yeppp. idk what does 'which kind' mean? anything that feels inspiring lol.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

not really. i did start a few back in the day but i didn't really finish them. i am not really into crossovers tbh i don't even read them 99% of the time.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yeah. someone was selling it on amazon pffth.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

a few. apparently five on ao3 lol but i think there was one or two back in the lj days too. might be wrong tho :'D

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

lol loads. at one point in life like... fifteen years ago, most things i wrote were co-written with a friend. and i've done it a couple of times after that too. i really like co-op stuff tbh but haven't found people to collab with lately.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

right now i would sell my soul for nivannedy. might already have.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

ehhhh at this moment i doubt i'll ever finish anything. maybe the lifeguard au? i was red-hot for the idea at first but then it kinda... fizzled out. kept changing. got ruined by pushy ppl lol. but maybe i'll get back to it one day bc i would love a nivannedy summer romance tbh.

16. What are your writing strengths?

uhm. characterization. dialogue. emotional shit? idk i think i do best when i have intimate moments with two people. tiny everyday moments and mundane shit. like that. if i get going writing sometimes flows super well and i think i can get consistently readable stuff done in one go. but that'd require getting going lol.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

action. i suck at action. i also suck at it in the way that i can't actually make myself start writing. i got way too co-dependent when i still had people excitedly participating in the process and now i sit here sad doing nothing :'D but anyway. writing action and having some self-discipline lol.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

depends very heavily on the context. in general i do think it should be all in one language for readability but there are exceptions. i've done it too lol but it was only like a line or two in finnish :'D

19. First fandom you wrote for?

diru, twenty years ago lmao, it's like a different lifetime. i only learned of the existence of fanfic at the ripe old age of nineteen lol but yeah it's still been so long now.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

asdjfngkn i can not choose between all of my children c'mon. uhm. am just gonna say the self-indulgent series bc it truly was so important to me for so long and i'm still devastated it ended. sigh. now i made myself sad again :'D

[styrmwb]

I beat World of Warcraft: The War Within (for now)

Every single word I am about to write I do so with the fear of god that none of it will age poorly

(also wow this is a long one sorry that my ramblings keep getting more rambly)

The summer of 2024 is the summer of "why do I have two separate MMOs that I want to play I hate myself", cause I already had FFXIV Dawntrail a bit ago, and now we got WoW, my first MMO love who I have had a horrible relationship with During BfA and Shadowlands and All That Blizzard Shit I was like Jaina in the scene of Warcraft III with the Culling of Stratholme "I'm sorry Arthas, I can't watch you do this." But then things (as far as I know) in real life are getting better, and then they did Dragonflight which in game was getting better and I'm over here tentatively having fun with a smile on my face ready for it to go bad at any time, and that's how I felt about War Within: This looks cool, are they going to be able to do it, or am I going to be disappointed once again?

And god. PLEASE DON'T LET THIS AGE POORLY BUT HOLY SHIT THEY LANDED IT SO HARD, I LOVED THIS EXPANSION!!!! I want to talk about why!!!! And like I said in Dawntrail MMOs obviously release more content (hell by the time I beat my set goals a raid came out (I did not do the raid), so I considered "beat" to be Loremaster (all the quests), all the dungeons, and all the delves so DON'T COME AT ME WITH "BUT YOU DIDN'T DO NERUB'AR" I WANTED TO WRITE A BEAT A GAME POST FOR AN MMO LEAVE ME ALONE

Story

This is what I was scared of. I love Warcraft, I love it so much I love the world, I love the lore, I love the everything, and obviously this game has had a... Not Great experience with respecting its own universe with... good writing. So I am understandably hesitant! Even Dragonflight which was a step in the right direction still didn't grab me in some ways and was a little cheesy I did really like the avengers assemble in the emerald dream though I'm not above that; so I didn't come into War Within expecting the best thing ever, but I really did appreciate how they did this.

Everything fits pretty well within the world, nothing feels like it contradicts previous info, it actually takes a lot from the existing world and expands on it; Xal'atath and the sword was Legion, Earthen have been a thing since Wrath, Nerubians have been around since WCIII, they got Kobolds, they got a healthy amount of previous guys you know from Dalaran/other people who happened to be on Dalaran (lmao) to really make the whole thing FEEL Warcrafty and not something kind of disconnected, despite the new concepts being introduced, which made me very happy.

The story itself was great. I felt invested fighting against Xal'atath because she fucked with my mans, and I really liked how much of a presence she was; involved in everything, but not to an annoying amount, and it didn't feel like the conflict with her was bullshit like the Jailor (they can still fuck this up we got several patches to go). I enjoyed learning about the Earthen, the Arathi, and the Nerubians, and like I said it all fit really well and I didn't have any moments of like "wait what the fuck why this"; even the Arathi felt pretty well explained "oh there's an empire somewhere else we haven't seen" cool and awesome, doesn't contradict anything already existing and opens up a new place in the future.

I think the one thing that was strange was how short the main campaign was. I hard focused it on my main and it wasn't enough to get me to max. But once I did all the Sojourner achievements I could see where the rest of the writing meat went, because so many of those side stories were amazing; some I'm genuinely surprised WEREN'T in the main campaign (the Haranir got like 2 steps in the main deal and then never showed up?? do the side quests to figure out anything about this person we put in the teaser cinematic; this is like my one beef with the main campaign, anyways). So many heavy emotional hits, stories that actually made me feel. The old Earthen losing his memories I think was a highlight for me.

What I really appreciated about every quest I did was the focus on emotions, on internal processing; like yeah, this is World of Warcraft. We fight a lot. There's a lot of fighting. But this expansion takes its own title to mean more than just being in the world, and focuses a lot on trauma, fighting with yourself, accepting yourself, connecting with others after trauma, and I really really appreciated that a game like this actually managed to slow down and question these little large things that it never really did in the past. Also, even with the deeper, more serious tones being so strong, the humor this time around is really great. There are a lot of moments in the main story and in the side quests that actually got me laughing out loud. Overall, I was really satisfied with all the story they gave me and I cannot wait to see if they are able to continue this upward trend to finish the expansion off.

I also want to say "stay a while and listen"s have been the greatest thing this game has ever introduced to give nerds like me more good writing while letting other players not have to suffer through it if they don't want to.

Characters

This is also an important section which was really hard to separate from the above; like I said, Warcraft does not have a great track record of how it treats its beloved characters who can be amazing at the highest of times (COUGH SYLVANAS SHADOWLANDS AS A WHOLE COUGH), so I was worried here. But the way our returning characters were treated, on top of the new characters, was really surprising.

Our Returning Friends:

Anduin - My fucking boy. I love Anduin, he is one of my favorite characters, if not my favorite character, in all of Warcraft. Seeing his struggle with himself hit really hard, and I really appreciate how they did it, it didn't feel disrespectful, he got moments to bring him up, he got moments that validated his current state; it hurt me to see the optimistic prince in such a state, and I love where his journey is taking him. He also calls me friend and that makes me happy Anduin if you were real I would be your friend

Alleria - I think her story is going to be cooked a little longer in the future, cause for this expansion she was often in the background hunting, but I love that despite the internal AND external things trying to keep her alone, she's not so far gone as to be separated from the people she cares about; I am actually excited to see how she'll play out. The fact that her and Turalyon still clearly love and care for each other despite the circumstances makes me happy.

Moira - I very much enjoyed that the Bronzebeard-Thaurissan family got such a spotlight this time around. It was great seeing Moira continue to prove herself as a leader with the action taken + the diplomatic role she placed herself in with the Earthen. The sidequest where she gets Fearbreaker was really a place for her to shine on her own. While I was a big fan of the trio of her, Magni, and Dagran, I can't help but feel like her portion didn't stick with me as much as the other two, but that could be a me flaw rather than a game flaw. I do hope she continues to get more screentime to show off.

Magni - Did not at all expect where this man was going. Depressed and angry speaker was an interesting way to start the expansion, and I enjoyed seeing him be able to reconnect with his family, to be freed from his prison (they hatched him!), and to really start his grandpa arc/hopefully make a relationship with his daughter arc.

Dagran - If you told me that the 3 polygon baby in Ironforge was going to be one of the best characters in a future expansion I would have been very surprised. He's such a nerd but in a really enjoyable way, and the connection he has with his family + Brinthe is really heartwarming to see. I want more of this 🤓 motherfucker

Brann - Not really a character in the main story, but he's here and I love it, except when he tells me that those webs will summon Nerubians, and not to stand in them. I hope he gets more uncle moments.

Khadgar - Fuck. This old shitty wizard is also top contender for favorite Warcraft character, so the way this expansion started gutted me. I was actually real life mad I wanted to destroy that stupid purple elf and all her spiders; I am so happy that he's fine I am going to put him in the best retirement situation possible and he can get his girlfriend and live the rest of his life happy DON'T YOU FUCKING DO THAT TO ME AGAIN BLIZZARD.

Jaina and Thrall - Did not get to be there lmao. Thrall really got the short end of the stick being on the loading screen. The Horde as a whole could have gotten more love this expansion, and this is coming from a man loyal to the Alliance. But also you guys got a lot in the past so uuhhhhhh fuck you lmao

Side note, where the fuck is Muradin; your brothers, your niece, and your great nephew are here, your brother hatched, Where Are You.

Our New Friends (and Enemies)

The Earthen - Initially, incredibly off putting. Why are they not scottish. But I really grew to love these robot dwarves. The council was all surprisingly great, Merrix has his whole sidequest where "oh he's a bad guy" no not at all he cares about his people, Baelgrim warms up to you and is the Obligatory Sacrifice Character, Adelgonn really showed the humanity these people can have, Brinthe was surprisingly funny and charming, and I loved to see her grow closer to Dagran (new aunt unlocked let's go). Overall, it was really cool to see this race of people show both their construct nature mixed with the free will they've unlocked. So much more interesting than I expected.

Faerin and the Arathi - Definitely the strangest part of this expansion, but incredibly cool to see. I was unsure going in, did they really feel like the fit in, their vibe seems a little separate from Warcraft and more Diablo-y or a different franchise, but I was really interested in their culture, the genuine nature their society had despite the traitors (like I was totally expecting Steelstrike to be evil not to have a cooking quest with her and her family); Faerin was likewise a surprise. I see the name "Lothar" and I'm like oh geez how are they gonna mess this up and I was instead greeted with a kind yet tough warrior who Has feelings and struggles with loss and is a wonderful friend to Anduin (the quest where you sit down with Faerin and Anduin might be one of my favorite sidequests ever).

The Nerubians - Ok so yeah we're all used to these guys being Bad Spiders Go Kill which they were def introduced as, but then you get to their zone and they're presented as their own society in such a cool way?? These are people! They're spiders, but they're people! The Severed Threads are a fun trio of characters that I enjoyed talking to. Honestly, surprisingly enough the Nerubians as a whole are like, really funny? There's a bunch of really good comedic moments, some played straight which hit the hardest. (Mr. Sunflower my beloved) I loved the split in society shown, the dislike, the Reason for dislike shown between the Ascended and the normal Nerubians, I could really feel the reason for dissent against the Queen (I haven't done Nerub'ar like I said but I do wish she was more present.)

Xal'atath - I said my main opinion earlier, she was a great presence in the story and I very much enjoy her as a villain. I really like the bonus dialogue you get if you've interacted with her before. I really think she has the potential to be one of the best major villains we've ever had if Blizzard plays their cards right (I am scared).

World (of Warcraft)

Dragonflight's zones were cool; but. Nothing really WOWed me (funny joke). Going into TWW, I thought underground was cool, but I wasn't sure at first. Looked at the little pictures for each zone, still unimpressed. Once I actually got Into the game and played it though, these are some of the best zones in the game.

I have these four screenshots, my favorite parts of each zone, and I still feel like I am not doing them justice. They're huge, they're so incredibly varied, and you feel like you can still breathe despite being underground (and they're confining when needed). I've always said that despite the lows, Blizzard's art department hard fucking carries the game, and they continue to flex. The cities are getting so much better at feeling sprawling and lived in, an evolution from the tiny Stormwinds of classic WoW. I love Khaz Algar so much. One of my favorite parts of my playthrough was when I entered Hallowfall for the first time, during the Beledar shifting event (not the story one! the random one), and I was amazed and confused. I don't think I've felt this mesmerized by the game since I was like 10 walking through Teldrassil. Something really special I also loved about Hallowfall (might be contender for top 10 zone of all time) is yes, this feels outside. There is grass. There is water. There is sun. But then you look at the land, you look at the rocks, the stalagmites, you look up and it reminds you that you're underground. There's so much spectacle here and I feel like I could go on and on and on about each zone and how amazing they are. (I'm ending this section now but I have to say I love Bug Suramar)

Music

Piggybacking off the last section, the music this expansion has been absolutely incredible, I haven't really hooked onto as much of the soundtrack as I have since BfA; Shadowlands really just had Maldraxxus and Revendreth and I honestly don't remember much of Dragonflight's, but here it's so strong. Isle of Dorn's windy outdoor flutes, The Ringing Deeps' sound of echoing mining, Hallowfall's beautiful choir, and Azj-Kahet's plucking spider sounds, it's all so strong, so memorable and unique.

Cutscenes

Really small section here but I love the cutscene work they've been doing. The fact that we get what used to just be in the prerendered ones in game??? The models look so nice there! Yeah sure my character looks a little awkward doing default standing they haven't mastered it like FFXIV yet but I LOVE the cutscene work. Even the lower quality ones have shown a lot of character. I think of the scene with Elrich and Brinthe, he still shows off and feels like an asshole, and you can clearly see the humorous frustration Brinthe feels at being interrupted. It's great.

Gameplay

I am the least excited to talk about the gameplay here, but I really do enjoy what they're doing this expansion. I love Delves and the solo content they're doing, I think their quest design continues to be engaging and fun (even though I was a little tired of the shout instruction randomly to get item/do task and all of the pulling slowly mechanics), and even though I'm not really a dungeon guy each one was incredible, they all excelled in presentation and vibe. The mechanics didn't really get me like I think Dawntrail's dungeons did, but I imagine they go harder in Mythic which I will not be doing.

The classes I played during my session of goals were Warrior, Evoker, and Warlock, which I had fury mountain thane (later slayer), arms slayer, augmentation chronowarden, and demonology diabolist. I really enjoyed the flavor they all brought, and in the case of diabolist it's SO fucking fun holy shit. I know not every class got something cool, and I will be playing those eventually (haha two of every class split between factions I have a problem haha).

Speaking of alts, I love Warbands. The fact that I got to work on loremaster, level Brann, and work on renown across 4 separate characters is an absolute godsend.

Last thought here; Skyriding is amazing. Yeah it was introduced in Dragonflight but I really just needed to be able to fly Invincible everywhere. The fact that Blizzard finally embraced flying and made it engaging by just making the zones huge is the best path ever.

I Have Talked So Much I Am Sorry

yeah i hate this expansion isn't it clear

I really truly desperately hope that WoW continues this upward trend, continues this energy forward. I want to be able to hit each patch, to look back, and still feel the same happiness and excitement as I do now for the game. WoW is a game I have loved for most of my life. I want it to succeed. I want to say that I love it and not be embarrassed. If we continue to have more times like what War Within is at launch, I have no doubt that those things will be the case. They just need to not prove my fears right. With all of this very very very long post said;

9.5/10. The most love I've had for Warcraft in a long while. Honest competition with Legion for favorite expansion. Please Don't Fuck This Up.

please help me i still feel like i could have talked more

[violettawriting]

Chapter One

Francesca's POV

Friday night. Another college party. The 4th semester started three weeks ago and I already feel like I've been to enough parties for a lifetime. Me and the girls stop in front of the fraternity hosting the party, observing the decoration - which consists basically of a huge banner that reads "Happy 21st Birthday, Leon!!!" with questionable calligraphy and ink stains here and there.

"Ugh, men... why can't they make a simple banner right? Nothing in this decoration is appealing to the eyes." - Cami mumbles by my side and gets a laugh from Vilu.

"Cami, don't be mean. The boys did their best..."

I watch the place while my best friends discuss the manual skills of our male friends. Some people come in and out of the place, the music is muffled from outside and some flashes of colored lights escape through the windows. In the midst of the groups of people circulating around the facade of the house, I see Marco. He sees me too and smiles.

"Hey, I saw that." Camila nudges my arm. 'I was already wondering where our dear Marco Tavelli was. I haven't seen him in ages."

"Tonight promises to be interesting, huh, Fran?" Violetta laughs, teasing me. I roll my eyes and smile.

"Ha Ha. Girls, you know how my story with Marco is. Since he requested a transfer to London, we decided to take a break from... whatever it was that we had. I adore him, but it wasn't meant to be. Good thing he moved before we got into a serious relationship."

"Well, I like him. If you guys atarted dating, I'd approve 100%."

"I know, Vilu. You made that clear since the first time I bumped into him in the university corridors."

"Well, what can I say. I'm a romantic" she says, shrugging and then slotting her arms between mine and Cami's. "Now, let's go in. My boyfriend is waiting for me inside and I'm really in the mood for a drink."

***

The party has been going on for 3 hours now, and I'm slightly drunk. Not drunk like Cami, who is currently engaged in a dance battle - if you can call it that - with a group of Brazilian boys, but drunk enough to stumble twice on my way to the sofa in the corner of the room. Our whole group of friends is here tonight, as well as the rest of the entire university. After all, it's not every day that the motocross king and vocalist of the biggest band in Buenos Aires gives a birthday party. Funny how even in college, you can still feel like you're in high school sometimes.

I sit on the sofa, finally, and emit an involuntary sound as I feel my legs relax for the first time tonight. I close my eyes and lean my head against the wall, letting the music enter my ears and take over me. Although I'm not a fan of this song - or more specifically, of the person singing it - I start humming the lyrics of Destinada a Brillar quietly. After a few minutes, I finally open my eyes and instantly regret it.

I see the guy sitting on the other end of the sofa, all dressed in black leather and his hair messy, staring at me with a mocking expression.

"What?" I ask impatiently.

Diego doesn't answer, he just laughs and turns his gaze to the crowd. Ugh, this guy….

Vilu and him have kissed a few times at parties just like this one, when her relationship with León wasn't going well and they took a break. I never liked that jerk and definitely never understood what she saw in him. Camila says it's the magic of bad boys, that seduces you when you least expect and makes you want more and more. Anyway, I wasn't surprised at all when my best friend came to me telling that Diego had gone braging to León about the great time he had with her the night before. Vilu eventually forgave Diego, but I didn't. This guy is always looking for trouble and seems proud of being an idiot.

It's no secret to anyone that Diego Hernandez is involved in illegal stuff. He's a drug dealer and I've heard that he once stole some shit from a rich girl from the university. Normally, I don't have much contact with him. In fact, I don't even remember that he studies with us most of the time. But from time to time he reappears, getting into fights or... hanging out with Marco.

Yes, Diego and Marco are friends. Best friends. That will never stop sounding crazy to me, considering that Marco is the sweetest and most respectful boy I've ever met. When I first started hanging out with Marco - before he told me he was moving to the other side of the world and ended our "relatioship" - I tried to ignore my convictions about Diego and have a good relationship with him, for everyone's sake. But that's just impossible. Diego is everything I disapprove of.

"Hey, Di." a short girl with curly hair and dark red lips approaches and starts talking to him (read: flirting). "You disappeared. I missed you this week in class."

I roll my eyes and try to ignore the conversation happening next to me. I try to focus on watching my drunk friends doing embarrassing things in the middle of people and it actually works. Until a guy with an unhappy expression enters my field of vision and starts approaching with wide, firm steps.

"Dude, are you crazy?" the guy yells when he stops in front of Diego, who just looks boredly up at his face from under his long, thick lashes. "You're kissing my ex-girlfriend in front of me, knowing damn well we broke up four days ago?"

"Man, you're drunk. Just go back where you were, I'm not looking for trouble, okay?" he replies. The girl, now sitting on his lap, huffs and rolls her eyes at her ex-boyfriend.

"Do you think I'm joking, asshole?" The guy's fingers tighten around the beer bottle in his hand, and I see a vein in his forehead about to explode. "I'm not afraid of you, Hernandez. Don't doubt that I'm capable of beating your ass up."

At this point, people around are already paying attention to the discussion. The music is still too loud but it's possible to hear some cheers coming from drunk boys. I look back at Diego and he slowly takes the girl off his lap and stands up, facing the man.

"Dude, seriously. I don't want to fight, okay? I'm not doing anything, just enjoying the party. And you should too. If you want to fight, go fight alone. It's not my fault your girl chose to spend her nightsitting on my lap". He stares the guy with firm and challenging eyes.

And suddenly, the guy punches Diego in the face.

Before I could understand what was happening, a fight broke out and everyone around me started shouting. Some people backed away as punches were thrown, forming an circle around the two fighters. The girl with red lips - now smeared - screamed desperately. I was stuck between the wall behind me and the two men fighing in front of me, meaning i couldn't leave to a safer place. After what felt like an eternity, a few boys managed to hold the furious guy for a few moments. And then, before I realized what I was doing, I pulled Diego by the arm firmly, guiding him to the nearest bathroom door, pushing him inside and entering right after him, slamming the door shut. When I locked the door, I turned to face Diego.

"Are you fucking serious?" I shouted, irritated. "Can't you go to a party without ruining everyone's night? Is fighting the only thing you know? You -"

Suddenly, aggressive knocks on the door behind me made me jump, and the drunk guy's slurred voice spitting threats to Diego only made me more stressed out.

"OH MY GOD, JUST SHUT UP! GO AWAY, THE FIGHT IS OVER, DOUCHEBAG!" I shouted back.

After some time, the knocking stopped, and I heard what sounded like León's voice yelling. I spin around to face Diego, feeling my face hot with angry.

"Are you happy? This fight just ruined León's birthday. And now I'm stuck in this bathroom with you because aparently I'm the only one trying to prevent the death of two young men tonight. Why are you even here? For God's sake, I--" I interrupted my speech when I see blood dripping from Diego's fingers, where his hand was holding his head. "Holy sh...did he hit you with a bottle?" I asked in shock.

"That's what it seems" Diego says dryly.

I run to grab something to clean the blood. I hand the toilet paper to Diego and rummage through the cabinets for some first aid supplies.

"Fuck, this hurts," Diego cursed while trying to stop the bleeding with the paper.

Finally, I found a box of band-aids and other first-aid materials and turned to the boy leaning on the sink counter, staring at the injury through the mirror reflection, clearly not knowing what to do. I took a deep impatient breath.

"You know what? Here, let me do this." I guided Diego to the edge of the bathtub, and he sat down, becoming shorter than me and giving me a good view of the huge cut on his scalp. "This is going to hurt," I say, short and to the point. I take a clean cloth and wet it a little, then bring it close to the wound, and when I finally touched Diego, he flinched and made a noise of pain.  I clench my jaw and sigh, trying to contain my frustration.

"Fuck," he's tense, the word is said through gritted teeth. "Careful".

"I'm trying".

I go for it again, and this time, Diego doesn't flinch. After long minutes, I managed to clean the entire wound, including the blood that had dripped onto his ear, and improvised a terribly made bandage.

And then, for the first time, I looked down at his face, and Diego was staring at me attentively. I ignored it.

"Your eyebrow and lip are cut too," I stated.

"Really? Huh, that's funny. I hadn't noticed the bloody taste in my mouth and the pulsating pain above my eye," he said sarcastically.

"Ha." I said, annoyed. "For God's sake, what did I do to deserve this? I knew I should've stayed at home studying for my next exam," I kept rambling while Diego just stood still, letting me continue to clean up the mess on his face.

When I finally touched the gauze to his lip, it twitched, and Diego gasped weakly. I unintentionally raised my eyes to his, and something inside of me softened as soon as those big brown iris met mine. And before I could bring myself to apologize for a reason I didn't fully understand, he whispered a quick "sorry" and  swallowed dry, while still holding my gaze. I looked away.

When I finished my work, my annoyance had dissipated a little, and I was able to talk to him again without spitting curses and yelling.

"That's the best I can do," I step back, observing my work.

"Thanks," he says weakly, standing up slowly and walking toward the mirror. Upon seeing the messy bandage, Diego let out a low mocking laugh. He's laughing. "We already know you definitely can't be a nurse."

I stare at the man in front of me incredulously, my mouth open. "I'm sorry? You're seriously gonna make fun of me after I saved you from bleeding to death?" Diego chuckles again and raises his arms in a sign of surrender.

"Okay, yeah, sorry. You did an awesome job fixing my bleeding head and face, okay?."

As I was about to reply something, a new voice echoes from outside again. "Fran? Diego? Are you guys in there?" I recognize Violetta's voice. "León already kicked that boy out. You guys can come out now."

I look at Diego as I respond to my friend. "Hey, Vilu. Yeah, I'm coming." I pass right by him, towards the door and unlock it, but before i open it and finally leave that crazy situation, I turn to Diego one last time.

"Just to be clear, the fact that I didn't leave you bleeding in the middle of this party doesn't mean I like you or can stand you. And just because that lunatic started the fight doesn't change the fact that you also messed up. Next time, do everyone a favor and don't show your face around here, okay?"

And with that, I walk out of the bathroom, without looking back.

[pharawee]

tag game ✨

I was tagged ages ago (sorryyy! 🙏) by the lovely @markpakin. Thank you so much! 💜

1. why did you choose your url?

Way back when I got back into giffing after a year of lurking in the BL fandom I needed a new url. I don't like using urls that are too obviously fandom-related (I don't mind them on other blogs at all!) but I did like Pha from Gen Y so I saw an opportunity and took it. This is before they killed Pha off due to some stupid fandom vote and ruined p much every couple in the series. 🤡

AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN GET HIS NAME RIGHT ON THE FAKE GRAVESTONE!!

Anyway I still really like the name so I'm probably never going to change it (I say all of this as I sit on @winnertanatat).

2. any sideblogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

I have archived sideblogs/fansites for old fandoms but other than that...

Oh wait, I have @dancingwithmyphone now where I reblog all the pretty things that I no longer reblog on here because it's mostly about Thai BL now. Does that make @pharawee the sideblog? 🤣

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

Uh, since 2011, I think?

4. do you have a queue tag?

I used to use my queue for aesthetic posts (that now go on @dancingwithmyphone) but now I exclusively use it for posts that tag me. I named the tag ♥ because ♥

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

Because livejournal went under (I'm aging as I write this) and none of its clones seemed like a good alternative.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

I had to (and also I really like YourMOOD):

7. why did you choose your header?

I made a header for every new HYBS mv. That was before they divorced called it quits and now I'm actually a bit sad every time I look at my header. I should really make a new one. :(((

8. what is your post with the most notes?

I'm super happy to say that it's about Thai marriage equality.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

Uh. Is there a way to find out?

10. how many followers do you have?

I recently reached 6k followers, half of which followed me after I started posting about BL. I honestly don't even know what to think of a number this big lmao hi!!

11. how many people do you follow?

The sidebar says 298.

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

No, only shit posts.🥁

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

Several times... but not as often as I used to because I have some serious hobby burnout right now. :(

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

No, never. I'd cry.

15. how do you feel about 'you need to reblog this' posts?

I don't reblog them. Which is probably a bit petty, sry. 🙏

16. do you like tag games?

I love them so much but I just don't have the time to do them very often and I feel so bad about it. I even have them all saved for when I find the time but then I never do. :((((((

Of course then I also feel bad when I no longer get tagged in things due to not doing tag games. I am the architect of my own destruction.

17. do you like ask games?

I do! And I love sending people asks for ask games because hopefully it brightens their day a bit. 💜

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

You're all tumblr famous to me. 🥰

No, really, when I first got into BL tumblr I felt a bit like

Negl I still do. Idk what the arrows are. Weird fandom takes on twitter and mdl, I guess.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

Don't tell @cytharat but I've been crushing on her for ages. ❤️

20. tags?

@cytharat because I like her shoelaces 😘

[faceglitchsworld]

In the 10th of July, 25 years ago, a big earthquake happened. An earthquake so strong and powerful that a mountain came out of it. Now that mountain is staring at us, only to be admired and loved.

All this huge and mighty intro to wish Happy Birthday to San! 🥳

Please, look at the collage I made for him 🥺

I know what are you asking "Teresa wtf, didn't you write birthday letters to Ateez last year wtf happened?"

Eeeeeeeh, last year, around this time, shit happened and I didn't want to write a letter for him but since I'm a completionist I wanted to remedy by writing the letter now. And also because it's been ages since I wrote a letter, I needed to practice a little 🤣

However, I suggest you to read the other letters I made for Ateez last year all in this very useful masterlist (pls don't read them, they're cringe).

Ok, did I say everything? Probably yes, so now you'll get the letter 😌

I think I should start with something very funny. Back in the day, when I was still trying to recognise Ateez's faces, San was one of the first ones that I immediately recognised. Probably his features helped a lot at the time, I don't know.

I know what you are thinking, "and? Ok, good for you but where is the funny part?". Well, the funny part is that I didn't associate his name to his face...at all.

Yes, exactly. Take some seconds to elaborate and also make fun of me for it. You're probably asking why I did this. And the answer is...I don't know? I'm a stupid fan at the end of the day. Probably at the time my mind thought that his name was not cool and I couldn't accept that someone with those recognizable and honestly cool features had such a simple name.

I wasn't used to Korean names, you can clearly see it. But don't worry, I overcame it. In fact, I call him "Sannie Sannie" now. You wonder why? Because I thought it was cuter than just saying "Sannie" once.

But anyway, apart from this funny anecdote of mine, you're probably waiting for something more. But if I tell you something more I should probably make an entire whole ass story of searching the bias in Ateez and no one wants to hear that because it's just me looking at video compilations and being unsure whether I should put two or even three people in the bias list. Those were dark times that it's better to not remember.

But jokes aside, there has been a time where I was clearly unsure about my bias list and San was a potential wrecker. It didn't help that at the time I was heavily focused on watching videos related to Wooyoung and I immediately got caught by the friendship San made with him.

Mind you, I think that his personality was also very fitting to me. I have a kind of soft spot for introverts and San was fitting a lot. The huge patient he showed towards Wooyoung was telling me a lot at the time. I love patient friends in general, they're something you don't find easily. And San surely has a lot of patience for bearing Wooyoung's chaotic nature and also Yeosang's jealousy.

I confess, I don't have the full picture because I didn't live those moments. I only heard stories about how this trio was born. I know there was some little jealousy, that probably is still there but it's just a cute rivalry right now. And I know that those three are closer than ever today. But apart from that I only heard stories. And all of these kind of confirm that San had a lot of patience dealing with a jealous friend who was afraid to lose his best friend. And not only did he bear it, he also managed to welcome him into a new, fresh circle of friends. It's something very sweet to witness.

Also, should I mention his "secret extrovert personality"? The personality that comes up in the exact moment he gets comfortable and starts bringing chaos in the room? Maybe it's not his actual personality and he should just not drink coffee at all but it's something that immediately caught my eye. After all, secret extroverts are another weakness of mine.

And last but not least, I think it's necessary to point out his caring and lovely side. The people who watched the majority of his lives will probably confirm or even use better words than mine. The way he talks with the chat, his soft voice, how he makes the entire situation comfy and lovely... it's surely something else.

Dear San, we reached the end of this letter. To be honest, I think you would have expected some praise for your dancing ability, your stage presence or how you like experimenting things. Problem is...I didn't want to. I wanted to highlight something more from you and I decided to spend all this time just to highlight your sweet personality and how caring and funny you are. It's unexpected? Yeah, but it's not a birthday letter of mine if I don't focus on unnecessary details, it's a habit of mine, hehe.

For your birthday wish, I actually have something very simple. It's actually a "recurring theme" in almost every Ateez birthday letter I made, I think that I became repetitive. But I wish you could enjoy this day resting and that your birthday will not be the only occasion to do so.

And also that you'll learn anatomy better because NO WAY you confused the hips with the butt for Sandeoki's hearts 😭 But don't worry, that's ok, no one actually learns anatomy... Unless you want to become a doctor. Or an artist.

Happy birthday, Sannie 🤍

[lmsr-lilitu-sephiroth]

I have thoughts on the new game everyone is fighting over, and the franchise as a whole.

Dear fucking god, this shit about a stupid bigoted game is totally unhinged. People bending over backwards just to justify playing game that's just full of problems (especially antisemitism) from a series that is completely lackluster and full of subtle and not-so-subtle bigotry.

Hell, in my opinion now, it doesn't even have a happy ending! It's not like defeating Moldy Shorts does anything to change the status quo. Sure, they locked up various Death Eaters in Azkaban.

And then there was the epilogue. So fucking lame. You barely even get to see what the characters actually do. You just get a new generation of kids getting on the train. Sure, there's nothing inherently wrong with getting a new generation of kids in an epilogue. But that's mostly all you got. Or at least all I can remember. The epilogue was a sore spot for me and my parents since finishing reading it.

At this point, I have to filter both tags and content related to fucking Harry Potter, just so I can prepare myself to look at a post. It now stresses me out and fills me with deep sorrow. Part because of how horrid Rowling is, part because of the fighting, part because I literally see the bigoted and at-best-ignorant implications/undertones (between the antisemitism, transphobia, cultural appropriation, ableism, sexism, and fatphobia at minimum, yikes on trikes), and part because I used to really enjoy the series. In some ways, I was still very sheltered as a child. Location had a lot to do with it.

Had I the mental space for it if my mental health was even just decent, I should have looked deeper the moment I got misgivings about Ilvermorny on that Pottermore site. Never even mind the bloody play. I ignored Twitter for the most part and frequently forgot about Facebook because it wasn't anonymous enough (I was more into myspace and other sites, anyway). It's really Tumblr that opened my eyes up. Hell, it's here that I even found out what went on in the play, and that made me glad I didn't take interest in it.

And so I looked at the stuff, unpacked the existing issues I already had with various plot points while I still liked them, and suddenly could not turn back. When I still read fanfiction of it (several years ago at this point), I really only enjoyed fix-it fics with massive overhauls of the plot.

My nostalgia for the franchise, or even just the books and movies, has died. It's dead, though I'm still not done with my emotions around it. The fucking antisemitism game destabilized what I thought were stable fusions of dissociated parts.

I still have to wrestle with my feelings over the first book being what even got me to like reading in the first place. I was eight, maybe nine years old at the time, and my great aunt made my one cousin read it to me. She never got very far, but it was enough to get me interested. So I fell in love with books and reading. Those books, especially after my child brain connected that I could make up my own stories, inspired me to write my own fantasies.

And it helped get me through a really lonely childhood. Fortunately, it wasn't the only thing I had. But I fixated on it and my 'imaginary friends' (read as loneliness-induced alters) so that I could cope with being the only kid even close to my own age around my part of the mountain for so many years.

Now I wish the franchise would just go away. I'm tired of it.

[alexhandersenblog]

„It’s the same principle. Because liking or dislike is simply a personal interpretation of what we think and feel about something even without knowing something/someone well or personally.“

Hi the anon from a few days ago here😉. I agree☝🏻. Alex could post a thousand happy smiley kissing pics with her, could say anything in public, she could say anything and you may follow them and enjoy all of it, but you still wouldn't know what was really going on behind closed doors🤫. Every post they do is intentional and posted to make YOU double tap. Instagram is fame, money and attention. Either you like what you see and hear online or you don’t but you‘ll never know them for real. Which is why I asked if it was ok to share my OPINION and our (me&friends) predictions after a year of following everything. Simple as that.

The anon calling me a hater: Spreading hate wasn’t my intention. I’m glad you’re enjoying Johanne and Alex together. For me her pretentious act on Instagram and the things she has done like lying and trolling ruined the experience of being a fan for Alex for me personally. It made me see Alex in a different way. He was always hiding his true colors and actions from his fans and now I see why. Even before Johanne was in the picture I felt a little irritated at his boyish behavior during fan conventions. It didn’t look genuine to me but more like acting. And reading several Danish interview in the recent years about how he feels about his fans, like „I feel nothing“. But then turns around and says completely different things at conventions to his fans who pay him a shit ton of money of course 😅 Him just saying something in English when he wanted money for something. And just the way he obviously spend every hour on Instagram over the years but told his fans maaaany times how much he hates social media and doesn’t even like using it. And lastly his interviews about how „self promotion is the most boring thing you can do on social media“ etc. it’s all just …meh.

Our main points were that he already made up his mind, but if he had really been madly and genuinely in love, he would’ve been completely different from the jump. The point was that he made a mental checklist of what he has to accomplish by a certain age and that his mom is a little pushy

I didn’t say he wasn’t an adult, although not having any serious adult relationships before this one isn’t too good.

Him saying he has to give it another month and he has to find a wife and he has to this and that is not great here. But ultimately it doesn’t matter because like I said, I believe it’s already a done deal and I believe he will be hurt in several years. My opinion.

And just to be clear : We have seen many examples of Johanne "push him", we have seen examples of her "manipulate" him and there are even screenshots that prove she is staging her posts on Instagram for likes and lying to his fans and deleting evidence. There are examples of her trolling his fans and just btw the endless posing in his clothes is a little psycho at this point. Looks like there are examples of her sucking up to „important“ people as I saw the other day on another blog.

This blog is just kind enough to let a few remaining fans express their opinions before leaving for good..

But I wish you much fun following them over the next years. Especially Johanne will offer you a lot of content that will appeal to you. ✌🏼. I believe Instagram and his fan accounts are free of criticism anyways. So just enjoy?

Anon to anon.

***

Especially the part about Alex… I’m having the same feeling about it tbh… bit sad but it is what it is i guess 🥲

Always welcome to share your opinion. I try my best to post it! ☺️

By the way, props to both of you for having two different opinions, but still being able to share your views in a respectful way 🥰

[elen-aranel]

I really did love a lot about Picard S3 E2. Seven manipulating Captain Shaw... he treats her so badly, refusing to call her by the name she has chosen and been known as for the past twenty-eight years, but she has his number.

And the moment when Beverly and Jean-Luc's eyes meet, finally...

I have shipped them since before I knew what shipping was.

And Worf! (though that means that Raffi's handler while speaking with a female voice last week was not actually female so... bechdel test? ...)

I love Raffi and I'm so happy she's still here and still having development of her character. And that the greater good means she has to sacrifice her relationship with her family... I hope that that can be mended at some stage.

But I have issues >_> further ramblings below.

All right so (dates etc are all from Memory Alpha):

Jean Luc Picard was born in 2305 and the action in the Picard seasons takes place in 2401 making him 96.

Beverly was born in 2324 making her 77.

(This is really strange to me because the age gap between the actors is 9 years, which they look like on screen, but Patrick Stewart is playing a character 10 years older than himself for some reason, possibly just because someone put that on a display in an episode of tng once, so the actual age gap between the two characters is 19 years? I don't like how the age gap affects where they were in their lives with respect to him falling for her and being Wesley's father's best friend, although it does go back to TNG; I think I just don't believe in it. Anyway.)

Nemesis took place in 2379, making that 22 years prior to the action in Picard.

So. Beverly had Jean Luc's child around 20 to 22 years ago when she was 57, and even though he's about 21 he already has four different aliases and an impressive rap-sheet?

PLEASE may there have been some alien shenanigans that made all this possible?! I am quite happy to think that by then a 57 year old having a child is possible, and maybe Beverly didn't think she was going to get pregnant and then didn't want an abortion, but it's still kind of weird to me.

And Jack doesn't look 21 to me, and the actor who plays him is 34. Has there been some accelerated growth something happening here? Could that explain his English accent that feels so natural, not like sometimes where it feels like American English being spoken in an English accent?

I do like that Jack is a little shit, he definitely takes after his dad in character. I just... why doesn't he sound like his mother?

And... I can kind of see Beverly trying to cut people off for the greater good, but I'm still struggling to believe that Troi would be okay with being cut off. I feel like she'd have made people go after her? I want to think that's what Troi is like. And if Beverly told Troi the truth and Troi agreed with her... better be some pretty damn impressive truth tbh.

[lovejosephquinn]

Warning: DV Mention...

Okay story time based on my mood, I figured it out. This is really personal shit so if you aren't interested please keep scrolling, it's a shit thing for me to talk about even years on, it haunts me in my sleep still and I just need to get it out.

So about 8 years ago I suffered a really shitty physical and mentally abusive relationship, for almost 2 years I went out of my head thinking and believing that I was the problem.

It started off as mental abuse, something I've always been against but got myself into. It started off well, but people grew concerned when I was literally being bought expensive things for no reason at all and taken out at least 2 nights a week, controlled on what I wore, what I ate and what I did with my friends.

He got kicked out of his mum's house and I took him into MY parents house without even asking, keeping him there for the week as I didn't want to see him go without. I didn't know where he lived, he lied to me about that for a year and a half, then I found out when he lied about the address he had on his ID which he left over at mine by accident, he made excuses but he eventually took me there. It took me a year to even meet his mum. She never knew I existed.

So all of this time I was getting cheated on by my ex boyfriend with several different women, one who he eventually had a 6 month affair on, then when I caught him out he told me that I was insane. It sent me mental always looking through his phone (which I have never done with any other previous relationship) just to see if there was something else I could find.

Eventually it became physically abusive. The first night it happened was after a night out with him and his friend, we were walking back to my house and because I wouldn't have sex with him out in a public area, he dragged me into a dark alley and made me do it. When I cried after he pushed me into a thorn bush right next to us and took a picture of my scratched up arms, posting it on social media, making out that I fell in it myself and when my mum questioned me, he didn't let me answer, he told her I was way too drunk and again, fell in.

It got worse. He got me pregnant, I found out when I was about 13 weeks and although I wanted to keep it since I'm against termination, he threatened that he would take it out of me himself if I didn't do something about it, punched my stomach and I miscarried.

I seeked help. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and offered medication but I declined, because I knew I was stronger than that. I ended up lying to him constantly, not telling him where I was because I didn't want him to kick off. Sleeping with other people when I was with him just so I could feel something happy at the time. I broke another person's heart because of him.

He went on holiday with his friends and I couldn't get a hold of him one night, his friend answered his phone eventually and another girl was in bed with him. I overdosed that night. He told me good and that I'm not worthy of being alive.

He still proceeded to buy me everything, call me a gold digger and psychopath to his friends yet he was the one doing all this. I'm not materialistic in any way, shape or form. My parents and friends hated him, one of my friends AND my stepdad once tried to swing for him when he upset me but yet I'd always stick up for him because I loved him...

I'd had enough eventually. Going back and fourth, up and down and in constant circles of depression and anxiety and fed up of it all. I ended things for good after almost 2 years of it. I got out. Which I'm glad I did because I don't think I'd of been here much longer.

My point is, was that I saw him today when I was out, randomly for the first time in years and to tell you the truth, my stomach felt sick to the core. I was shaking, cold sweats and every memory of what happened to me when I was only the mere age of 20 struck through me.

I'm better now anxiety wise, a lot better than I was anyway.

But I still have awful panic attacks that lead to me not being able to breathe and being sick, I still get nightmares where I wake up in a sweat. I still am afraid to this day.

(Sorry to offload all of this.)

[metaphysiical]

[ joe keery | cis man | he/him | thirty ] ——   welcome to grimrose, plantagenet davenport. it’s cool that you’re here, you know. haven’t you heard of the history of this place… anyway, how’s being a local who has been in town for twenty years, especially since you spend most of your days as a mechanic at grimrose auto repair? also, not that it’s a bad thing, of course, but i’ve heard people say you can be a little destructive more than you are assertive… but that’s just coming from people who are bored here, i promise. to me, you remind me of basket case by green day and run down gas stations with fifty cent soda machines that somehow still work, worn out chuck taylors with a hole where the big toe is, and the constant belief in murphy’s law. hope to see you around, tadge.

pinterest | inspos: ray hall (panic), lip gallagher (shameless), ryan atwood (the oc), conrad fisher (the summer i turned pretty), hunter strawberry (hot summer nights), daemon targaryen (house of the dragon).

full name — plantagenet wayne davenport nickname(s) — tadge name meaning — a gardener, plant, or young tree age — thirty date of birth — may 18th place of birth — hood river, oregon current location — grimrose, new hampshire gender — cis man pronouns — he / him religion — atheist occupation — mechanic at grimrose auto repair education level — high school diploma residence — the leftover davenport legacy, in the paradise cove trailer park family — joseph davenport, grandfather, deceased & wayne davenport, father, imprisoned. travis davenport, younger half-brother & pam wilson, half-brothers mom. finances — as he would say, that’s none of your business spoken languages — english faceclaim / voiceclaim — joe keery

tw: alcoholism, mentions of neglect/abuse, prison 

tadge davenport comes from a long line of criminals and trailer trash — and is more than happy to be the public bearer of that proud heritage. having been told his whole life that he is going nowhere, tadge’s strength comes in a nihilistic form — no future means no fear of what’s coming. he believes nothing good will ever happen to him.

his father was cuffed on his tenth birthday and he hasn’t seen him since. being sent off out of state will do that to you. tadge has heard the rumors of what his father may or may not have done to deserve life without parole, but he doesn’t seem to care. tadge grew up with his grandfather as his legal guardian and, right after his father’s arrest, he picked everything up and moved across the usa to a brand new town with cheap land. 

tadge’s grandfather, big joe, was a drunk, of course, and not a nice one at that. thankfully, the old man croaked just a few days before tadge turned the legal age of eighteen, and the trailer the two lived at since they moved to town became his.

surprisingly, tadge did graduate high school, but hasn’t gone on any further. instead, he serves as a mechanic at the local auto repair, as well as overseeing some of his late grandfather’s business: davenport junk yard. made during the first few years they lived in grimrose, the junk yard was tadge’s very own playground. in high school, he began his work on his bike using old shit he found in the yard — the same bike he’s working on still to this day.

around 5 years ago, tadge finally decided to make a band with his buddy’s after messing around with his guitar with them. with more of an alternative rock vibe, 'lovers rock’ is enjoyed by a few people, and mostly so by tourists just looking for some extra entertainment. tadge doesn’t much care how popular they are, as long as they stop getting kicked out of the limited venues that grimrose has to offer.

headcanons — tw: prison, smoking

tadge is an older brother — which is still weird for him even after 5 years. and you’d think... how in the fuck does he have a half-brother when his mom is nowhere to be found and his dad is imprisoned ?? somehow, pam wilson ( a woman obsessed with wayne davenport ) found a way during a visit. tadge doesn’t like to think about it.

tadge’s biggest vice is smoking. he’s constantly stopping by any corner store he can find for a new pack. 

there truly are no secrets as to why his hair is so big other than saving money by not getting it cut. he once let pam cut his hair after she moved in with infant travis, and tadge nearly made travis into an orphan just like him.