#anyways just gotta share a snippet of my work life to show that isn’t always horrible 😅

[hellishgoat]

Ahhh I need to get way stronger!! Dx my coworker just kicked my ass not once,, not twice,,, but three times in a row in an arm wrestling contest 😩

[organized-chaotic-disaster]

@jambudweek Day 2: Singing and/or Humanity 

A Private Performance

Steven’s therapist suggests he turns to music as an emotional outlet after seeing the video of him performing “Never Giving Up.” Unfortunately, he has a difficult time in doing so, until Connie shows up.

Word count: 1,623

Post-SUF

(A little late into the day, I know! Honestly didn’t know if I was gonna finish this on time in the first place, let alone post it. It’s the first fanfic I’ve written in a few years, so please keep that in mind. It was fun, though! I hope you enjoy!)

(If you want to see more writing content from me, either snippets from my original work, or possibly more fanfiction, feel free to visit my writing twitter!)

“Hey! So, uh… my name is Steven Universe! Ah, you already know that, obviously… uhhhhh… sorry I haven’t really uploaded in a few years. My life got pretty crazy a couple years back and—uhhhhh… I just didn’t have the time to. Ah. Make more videos. Or anything. But! Ah… w-well, my therapist told me I should write a song about my feelings, you know, use it as an outlet? She saw my video from a few years ago, where I played that one song I wrote… I-I’ve had a lot on my mind lately and, uhhhh, she said it would be really healthy for me to—NO! This is too weird! I can’t do it!” Steven groaned in frustration, hands covering his face. Why had he let her see that video? He should’ve known she would suggest something like this…

“Steven?”

“Connie? Aw, jeez, what time is it?”

“11:30?” Connie walked into the house, one eyebrow raised. “That is when we agreed to meet up for lunch, after all.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I just… lost track of time, I guess.”

Connie glanced at the camera pointed at Steven, then turned back to face him. “Are you… recording a video?”

“Yeah,” Steven said, blood rushing to his cheeks. He rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed to be caught trying, and failing, to film for the first time in years. “My therapist said I should try using music as an outlet again, so I wrote a song, and I was going to record it and everything, but it just… feels so weird, you know?”

“How do you mean?”

Steven crossed his arms and looked to the floor, feeling awkward with Connie’s probing questions and determination to not break eye contact. “I mean, I haven’t uploaded in years, and the first thing I do is dump all my feelings? I mean, sure, nobody knows the context, which in a way is kind of nice, it keeps some of it private, but also… isn’t it all weirdly personal?”

“Don’t musical artists tend to get all weirdly personal… literally all the time?”

“Yeah, but they’re used to having no privacy. I mean, that’s kind of their entire life, Connie.”

“Whoa, whoa,” Connie raised her hands in defense, shaking her head. “No need to get defensive, Steven. I’m not attacking you; I’m just trying to help you out.”

Steven sighed ashamedly. “I know, I’m sorry. It just feels like… I don’t know, I feel like I’m telling the whole world all my most personal feelings. Isn’t it fair to be at least a little intimidated by that?”

“I mean, yeah, of course it is. But isn’t that the whole point?”

“Huh?”

“Well,” Connie said, “one of the biggest issues you’ve had is being open about your feelings, right? Maybe this is your therapist’s way of helping you get more comfortable with it.”

“I mean, maybe…” Steven said, his tone unsure, though his mind was making the connections. “But it’s still a bit much, don’t you think? Showing this to the whole world and all, that is.”

“Sure, it seems like a lot, but this isn’t supposed to be easy. It’s normal to be scared, Steven.”

Steven was about to respond with some sort of sarcastic or moody remark but stopped himself. She was right, after all. But something still stopped him. Just because he knew it was supposed to be scary didn’t change the fact that he had so many butterflies fluttering around in his stomach that he wanted to throw up. Sure, he knew full well that he was supposed to be facing his demons or whatever, but facing the monster within yourself was a completely different story from facing the monsters within others, literal or metaphorical.

“… Steven?”

Right, Connie was still there and expecting a response. What could he say?

Sighing, Steven resigned himself to just telling her the only thing he did know: “… knowing it’s supposed to be scary doesn’t make it any easier.”

Connie’s face had a soft expression, one of kindness and understanding. She pondered his statement for a moment, eyebrows wrinkling in thought, before finally saying, “if it makes it any easier… maybe you could sing just to me?” Realizing the intimacy of what she’d just suggested, her face became flushed and she looked to the floor. “Only if you’re comfortable with it, of course! I just thought that focusing on one person—”

“That… might actually help.” Steven said.

Even though she was the one who had the idea in the first place, Connie looked surprised. “A-are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Steven shrugged. “I wanted to share this with someone, but immediately sharing it with the whole world might be a bit… too much. I think that sharing it with you would be okay, though. Baby steps, right?”

“Oh,” Connie’s shoulders relaxed and the colour in her face returned to normal. “If it helps, then I’ll just… sit right here?” She made her way to the couch and took a seat, brushing off her skirt while she did so.

“Yeah, that’s perfect!” Steven readied himself again, ensuring his guitar was tuned properly and putting his fingers in the right places. His hands still shook ever so slightly, but having her there made it easier. He already felt like some of the butterflies had peacefully left his stomach, easing his nerves. He found that he could even put on his cheery persona again, if with some effort. “Now, without further ado, here’s Being Human!”

His fingers began to dance on the guitar strings, perfectly hitting every note after all the hours it took to write them just right. He was grateful for the song’s somewhat lengthy intro because his throat was still tight with anxiety, even if he was only singing to Connie. He tried breathing deeply, just like his therapist had taught him to, before finally beginning to sing.

“Just a little time,” he sang. “Just a little something else instead.” He looked up to see Connie’s fingers tapping along to the music. “Just a little time.” The thought of Connie enjoying the song gave him a light feeling that bloomed in his chest, encouraging his song. “Just a little something up ahead I’m dreaming of.” He closed his eyes and tilted his head down, absorbing himself more into the music. “Being… being… human…”

He continued to play, glancing at Connie every now and then to gauge her reaction. All seemed to be going well; her fingers continued tapping, and she even bounced her knee to the beat at one point, until she noticed him looking. As for Steven, he poured his entire heart and soul into his performance (as one always should), and by the end of it, tears pricked his eyes. When his fingers strummed the last chord, he noticed that he felt much lighter than he had for a long while. He did another mental check of his insides, in which there was no butterflies to be found. Well, except for one…

Connie was clapping, exclaiming “Steven, that was great!”

… and that last butterfly was gone.

“You really think so?” Blood rushed to Steven’s cheeks again, this time not in embarrassment, but in flattery.

“Yeah! I mean, I know that it doesn’t matter how good it is, that’s not the point, but it really was a great song.”

Before Steven could process what was happening, Connie rushed over and hugged him with all her strength. His face became hot from the surprise and the joy it brought him. His arms rose to wrap around her, never wanting to let go. He closed his eyes, savouring the moment, but realized he’d seen something he shouldn’t have seen before he’d done so. Slowly, he peeled his eyes open, praying it wasn’t true, but…

“… aw, jeez, I was still recording.”

“Huh?” Connie said, confused, before she turned her gaze to where he was looking. Surely enough, the red button that indicated the camera was recording was on.

“Argh, I’m such an idiot! I’m sorry, I should’ve—” Steven cut himself short, because Connie was… laughing? “Hey, are you laughing at me!?”

“No, no!” Connie stopped, but it was clear she was struggling, as she kept supressing snorts and chuckles. Before long, her composure broke, and she burst out laughing yet again. “Okay, you’ve gotta admit it’s a little funny.”

“What is?”

“Just the fact that you were all anxious to record yourself singing the song and didn’t even realize your camera was still on when you eventually did manage to do it under the guise that it was a private performance.”

“… okay, you got me there. I’m not keeping it, though!”

“Oh, come on!” Connie pleaded. “Can I just have it, then?”

“Why do you want it? I’ll probably just record it again and post it anyway.”

“Sure, but…” Connie paused for a beat, finding her words. “That’s the first time you ever performed that song for someone else! It’s special, I wanna keep it!” When Steven didn’t respond, she persisted. “Pleeeeaaaase?”

“Fine,” Steven said, before immediately adding, “only if you buy my lunch!”

“Okay,” Connie rolled her eyes. “A small price to pay for a rare recording of Steven Universe performing his latest hit!”

“Yeah, whatever, you dork,” Steven said. He had a playful glint in his eye, realizing he could take advantage of her newfound victory. “I’ll race you to the dondai!”

“Wha—Hey!” Connie cried when Steven pushed her off, getting his completely unfair head start.

Naturally, after their debate over ownership of the tape, the couple had forgotten to turn the camera off, leaving its battery to die after recording hours of literally nothing but a forgotten warp pad and guitar.

[calpalirwin]

Still Into You

Summary: True snippets of a girl (me) in love with her best guy friend (Mr. Hubs) and all their sometimes depressing, but always dorky life together.

A/N: So @carebearofriddles​ and @baldcalum​ LOVE my stories of me and my hubs, so I decided to share this with all of you lovely people. Obviously it’s been tweaked into an Ash fic, but all the following stories are 100% true. And after posting Part 1, they both yelled at me for Part 2. And now it’s time for Part 3!

Content: Hell if I know anymore. Wedding planning hell. Mostly upbeat shit. Probably cussing because it’s me.

And away, and away we go!

Part 3

~2018-2019~

“Hey, Shay,” her friend David said, peeking his head in the room. “Irwin’s like really great.”

She laughed. “Gee, thanks?”

David rolled his eyes. “No, I mean, I always thought he was an idiot.”

“You and everybody else.”

He waved his hand at her to tell her to stop interrupting him. “But, I see what you see in him. No one asked him to keep an eye on my kid, but he’s doing it anyway. Just chasing him around.”

This made Shay smile. David’s son was Shay’s godson, and her and David had gotten rather close since the little boy had been born. Shay viewed David as an older brother. So his approval and admittance that he saw in Ashton what she had seen the whole time, made her heart soar.

~~~

“It’s upside down…” Ashton said, frowning at the tattoo on her wrist.

“It is not!” Shay gasped, smacking him lightly in the chest.

“Is too.”

“Not to me it isn’t.”

“To the rest of the world it is.”

“So, do you not like it?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But do you?”

“Does it matter if I do or not? You already did it. And you know I don’t care.”

“True,” she smiled at him. He had proposed to her in fuckin sweatpants for fuck’s sake. This man had never once cared about her appearance. It was great.

~~~

“This isn’t the way you take home,” Shay said, turning in her seat to look at Ashton.

“I know. Gotta stop somewhere first.”

She narrowed her eyes, wondering what he could possibly be up to this time.

“Sees Candies?” she said, once he pulled into a parking space.

“Yeah! You can make your own box of chocolate so it’s only the stuff you like,” he grinned at her. God, he was so proud of himself.

She leaned over and kissed him. “Have I told you that you’re my favorite?”

He scoffed playfully. “I better be your only.”

“I’ll tell the others to step their game up.”

~~~

“Is Pam wearing makeup?” Ashton asked, moving to peer closer at the TV as they watched The Office.

“Yes… Most girls do…”

He turned his attention from the TV screen to Shay. “You don’t. You used to. But you stopped.”

“Yeah, cuz you said you didn’t like it.”

He pulled a face. “I don’t like when you wear lip stuff cuz it tastes funny when I kiss you. But I liked how it looked on you eyes.”

“Are you saying you want me to start wearing eyeshadow again?” she laughed.

He shrugged. “If you want. But, it’s not like you need it.”

“Nobody needs makeup. We just wear it because we like how it makes us feel.”

“Makes you feel?”

“Yeah. Beautiful and stuff. Or, I assume anyway. I don’t wear it, so I wouldn’t actually know.”

“But you’re already… nevermind. Wear makeup, don’t wear makeup, I don’t really care.”

“I know,” she smiled at him.

~~~

“This one!” she grinned, showing him the puppy on her phone.

“Really? Again with the puppy? I thought we were trying to move out?”

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “We’ve been trying to move out for 2 years and something always falls through at the last second. C’mon, please? She’s so cute.”

“Your mom is gonna kill us.”

“Fine. Give me a baby, then.”

He choked. “Really? That’s where we’re at now? Puppy or baby?”

“Puppy or baby.”

He sighed. “Alright, let’s go.”

“Yes!” she cheered, “Oh, I love you!”

“You fuckin better…”

~~~

“So…” she started, biting into her lower lip.

“So?” he prompted.

“School’s gonna take me a year longer than I thought. I thought I could take a certain set of class together in the same semester, but I have to take them in sequence.”

“Okay…”

“So, I’m not graduating before we get married. I’ll graduate a year later.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah, I’m mad about it too. But…”

“But, what?”

“But, I don’t want to push back to wedding. I can handle school taking me a year longer as long as everything else stays as is.”

He shrugged. “Alright then. If that’s what you want.”

She nodded. “It is what I want. And another thing… kids.”

“Kids?”

“Yeah. I know we always said we wanted to be married a year before we started trying. But, I want to start trying right away. I don’t want to wait.”

“Alright then. If that’s what you want,” he repeated with another shrug.

~~~

“Head hurts, again?” he murmured softly, walking into to find her lying in bed in the dark.

She nodded against the pillows. “This fuckin sucks…” she muttered. Her head had started hurting her a month ago. A headache from hell, that had eventually gone away. But, now? Well now she was on day 5 of unrelenting head pain. It ebbed and flowed, and right now it was flowing.

“Should probably go to the doctor.”

“Should probably do a lot of things. I think something’s wrong with my birth control.”

“Birth control?”

“Yeah, I only started having these damn headaches when they changed my prescription.”

“You said it was the same dosage, just a different name.”

“Well, I didn’t have these headaches before.”

“So, what do you want to do? Quit birth control?” he laughed.

“Yes!”

“I was kidding…”

“I’m not. My head is on fuckin fire. I can’t focus on anything.”

“Okay, okay. Quit then. We’ll figure something else out.”

~~~

“Well, I can go on this,” Shay offered, showing him her phone. She had been off birth control for a month and their sex life had taken a significant hit. They were still wary of condom use, and while Shay had stopped caring about the stigma of an unplanned pregnancy long ago, she knew Ashton wasn’t as willing to be as carefree as her.

“What is it?” he asked.

“It’s an IUD. It goes in. We forget about it,” she explained. “Might make me stop getting my period though, so I’m kinda iffy about it,” she added with a frown. Getting her period every month was the only way the two of them ever breathed easy. She wasn’t sure what she would do without that guaranteed safety net.

“It goes in?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah… like…” she mimed shoving a finger in herself.

“No,” he shook his head. “You’re not doing that. I’m not… no.” He continued to shake his head as his eyes grew haunted.

She smiled softly at him, resting her hands on his shoulders. “I’m fine, you know that, right?”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. We’ll figure something else out. No one’s touching you.”

~~~

“It’s a lower dosage,” she explained, shaking the box at him.

“But it’s still the pill?”

“Yeah. It’ll work the same as the other stuff.”

“Okay. Do we have to wait a week like we did that one time?”

“Yes.”

“Damn.”

“We can do other stuff,” she said, wrapping her arms around him.

He breathed her in. “No… cuz then I’m gonna… no. Stop it!”

She pouted, “You’re no fun.”

~~~

“Lucy, stop barking,” Ashton scolded their dog as she barked and huffed at their bedroom door.

“It’s the ghosts,” Shay said simply, rolling over on her side.

“Where’s the salt,” he said, getting out of bed, and turning on the light.

Shay threw an arm over her eyes as the room brightened and laughed “Get back here. And turn off the damn light.”

He came back with the salt shaker, shaking it across the room. “Gotta protect from the ghosts.”

“You’re ridiculous. And now there’s salt in the bed. Thanks!” Shay continued to laugh.

“No ghosts getting in here,” he muttered to himself, turning off the light and getting back into bed.

“Thank you for protecting me from the ghosts,” she teased.

“Oh, I did that for me. I don’t care if the ghosts get you.”

~~~

Shay texted Ashton a picture of Lucy curled up on his side of the bed.

She misses you.

Sleepy bitch

She is a sleepy bitch. Resting for her midnight bork.

She better not be borking at midnight

It’s the ghosts.

Get the salt!

Shay laughed.

~~~

“Good girlfriend!” Ashton cooed, patting Shay’s head as she got in the car with their dinner.

“I’m not your girlfriend,” she said, giving him a fake angry face.

He mocked her face and drove them home.

“You parked me in the bush again!” she yelled at him once they were home. “Fuckin park normal, you heathen!”

“Maybe if you were my girlfriend, I wouldn’t park you in a bush!” he fired back.

“Shut the fuck up,” she laughed, knocking into his shoulder as they walked into the house.

~~~

“Wait, so what do we still need to plan for the wedding?” Ashton asked.

“Just food. I got everything else figured out,” Shay said. Then, “Have you picked your side of the wedding party yet? I need to know so I can send the boys their colors.”

“They’re not all wearing the same color?”

“No… Cuz it’s a Harry Potter wedding? God, use your head.”

He rolled his eyes. “Alright, fine. Food. The guys. What else?”

“We need to mail invitations. Which means we need to make invitations and I need to get addresses.”

He sighed. “Alright. So me that design thing whatever, and I’ll use the computer at work to make it look better.”

“So, then all we need is food,” Shay smiled.

“Right. Food. What do y-”

“In-n-out!” she interrupted.

He groaned. “Alright… call them. See if we can get it.”

~~~

“Good night!” Shay laughed, reclining her seat back.

“Hey! You can’t do that!” Ashton told her. “You can’t sleep while I drive.”

“Hmm… ‘in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer’ nope, nothing about me not being able to sleep while you drive.”

“Well, my vows are gonna say you can’t do that!”

“That’s not how vows work!” she laughed.

~~~

“We waited too long!” she yelled at him.

“What?!”

“In-N-Out! I’m on a waiting list! This is why I wanted you to start planning with me back when I got my dress.”

“I don’t know how to plan a wedding!”

“Neither do I! Now we gotta get tacos like a bunch of losers!”

“You like tacos…”

“Everybody likes tacos!”

“So, what’s wrong with that?”

“Everybody does tacos! Birthday parties! Weddings! Family get togethers! Tacos! I wanted to be unique! I wanted to eat a burger on my wedding day! And we waited too long!”

He sighed. “Do you wanna go to Target and print out our invitations tomorrow?”

“Yes…”

~~~

“How many did you order?” the lady working the photo center asked.

“50,” Shay told her.

“Okay, it’ll be about 10 minutes.”

“Alright, thanks.”

“What do you wanna do for 10 minutes?” Ashton asked.

Shay shrugged, already wandering off. “It’s Target.”

Being them, it wasn’t long until they were in the toy aisle, looking at Nerf guns. “What did we need to get again?” Ashton asked, crouching down to compare prices and firing capabilities.

“Wedding invitations…”

“Right… so that’s no on the Nerf guns?”

“These ones are only 20 bucks,” she said, grabbing one of the smaller Nerf guns off the shelf.

“So, Nerf guns?”

“Nerf guns!”

~~~

“My tongue feels gross,” Shay told Ashton.

“That’s gross…”

“I’ve been licking those damn envelopes all day! No thanks to you.”

“Hey, my handwriting sucks. You really want me addressing the invitations?”

“No, but you could’ve helped…”

“I made the invitation, didn’t I?”

She rolled her eyes. “Did you pick a first song yet? I was nice and sent you 3 non-country ones. They’re all about 3 minutes.”

“Yeah, let’s do the Paramore one.”

“Is that because that’s the one you know?”

“Yes…”

“Did you even listen to the other ones?”

“Yes. And I like the Paramore one.”

She shrugged, she had figured he would pick that one. “Alright. Paramore it is.”

~~~

“Dude!” she screeched, skidding to a halt in front of him.

“Dude, what?!”

“The apartment place called! We got it!”

“Holy shit, really?!”

“Yeah! Gotta go out there tomorrow to fill out paperwork and get keys!”

“Yes! We’re moving!”

“We’re moving!”

The timing couldn’t be better. The wedding was in 6 weeks.

~~~

I just lost my shit in a target cuz a mixture of a sad movie and my earlier issues just went boom. They think I’m more upset cuz you didn’t respond. And like no. Upset cuz too many families Shay texted Ashton. She had already texted him that morning when she woke up to her girlfriends on the phones with their partners and kids. One weekend. She wanted one fuckin weekend where her girls were her girls again, not the mothers they had become without her.

Are you mad I didn’t respond

No. Cuz I know how you feel. That doesn’t bother me at all Shay typed back. Her and Ashton had been doing this back and forth for a long time now. She admired his desire to want to be able to provide for both her and any kids they would eventually have. It didn’t do much to dull her desire to have kids anyway. But she didn’t blame Ashton for having his opinion on the matter. It was his life. He had just as much say in when they would have kids as she did.

You know I’m a pessimist

I know you are. I know you see the rational financial aspect to everything. And that’s good cuz I prefer to ignore that aspect and just go with the cuteness

Yeah like who’s gonna take care of it

Me. That’s why I want a baby next summer. I’ll be off so I can stay home and do the bonding thing and figure out daycare before I go to my credential program. Contrary to popular belief, she had also spent a lot of time in thinking things through about having kids rather than just focusing on her want of having them.

~~~

“We’re getting married today,” Shay giggled as they got ready on the morning of July 20th.

“Yeah, no shit. C’mon, you wanted to get your nails done.”

“Are you gonna get yours done too?”

“I’m not getting my nails painted.”

“I didn’t ask if you were getting them painted. I asked if you were getting them done.”

He glanced at his fingers. “Yeah, I guess.”

~~~

“Uh, freeway’s that way,” Shay pointed, still admiring her silver nail polish.

“I know. But I’m hungry,” he said, pulling into the In-N-Out drive-thru.

“In-N-Out for breakfast, huh?”

“Well, I was gonna surprise you and get it after the wedding, but we’re not leaving in my car. So, yeah.”

She laughed. “You’re my favorite.”

“I better be.”

~~~

“Hey, c’mon,” he whispered to her.

“What?” Shay asked, coming over to her.

“Secret wedding, let’s go,” he grinned, grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the small room she had claimed to get ready in.

She giggled, happily going with him. In the height of their annoyance from their wedding becoming less about them and more about the family they didn’t want to invite, Shay had joked that they should just elope to piss everybody off. It got to the point where when they picked up their marriage license, she had pointed out the chapel just three feet away. “No,” he had laughed, “I spent way too much money to get married anywhere else.”

Ashton and Shay looked around to make sure they were alone. “C’mon,” Ashton urged their friend who had become an ordained minister to marry his friends.

“Shay, do you take this man to be your husband?”

“I do!”

“Really?”

“Yes!” she laughed.

“Irwin, do you take her to be your wife?”

“Hell yeah.”

“Alright, kiss the bride.”

Ashton pressed his lips against hers underneath the redwood tree that decorated the yard of the small venue. They had done it. They were finally husband and wife. And they had done it their way, in t-shirts and jeans. Now to put on a show for everyone else’s sake.

[withlove-so]

My Fodlansona: Written edition!

Cause who needs art skills, amiright?

(This will have the timeskip looks of Ashe, Annette, and Felix because I took a screen shot from my game and forgot I was at the time skip. If you don’t wanna see that, just avoid this, otherwise you’re good)

Also under the cut, cause this got l o n g

Anyway, my bab!

Her full name is Sorrel Abrielle Caledoria!

I edited a notes sheet for her, and though it’s possible it could change, I like where it is now.

(It’s an edit of my Annette from my game file, with snippets from other characters notes. Don’t mind the wonky stat stuff, I didn’t feel like editing/getting something to match her stat line)

As you can see, she was born in Albinea. (Which I totally made up a history for, since as far as I can tell there isn’t much to speak of beyond the plants that grow there and how freezing it is.)

Past life leading up to 1180:

Her family was the leading and unchallenged noble family for about 7 years after she was born, and even before then they were the leading family. That is until the common people decided to revolt. Her father treated his people poorly since he could do/make them do whatever he wanted without being questioned or denied. They decided to move to Fódlan since they wouldn’t be accepted in Albinea any more.

They, obviously, couldn’t still be considered nobles, so they lived their lives as commoners. Sorrel’s family struggled to adjust to this change, but since she was so young, she didn’t mind at all! She made lots of friends in Fhirdiad, and there were so many delicious treats and candies! A girl her age just couldn’t get enough of it.

But she couldn’t live happily for long, after all, her family wasn’t viewed very fondly. Her father was assassinated while she and her mother were away shopping. Her mother, who feared her life would be next, fled and went into hiding. She and Sorrel went to live at a church near the border, hoping she could take refuge there. Her mother became a priestess and followed in the church’s teachings. She begged the Goddess for forgiveness on the behalf of her husband’s cruelty and her own cowardice.

Her mother died due to a seemingly incurable illness only a few years later. Sorrel blamed the Godess for not helping her mother (or maybe even cursing her directly) despite her efforts to repent. She turned her back against the Godess and the church’s teaching, but because she had nowhere else to go, she feigned loyalty.

Sorrel wants to make her late mother proud, and tries to live her life to the fullest. She decides that since she can no longer be a noble, she may as well become close to one. She decides to attend schooling at the officers academy, this way she would be able to learn how to fight and, one day, become a knight. She hopes that attending at this academy will allow her to become close to and swear fealty to a noble.

What’s her house?

100% Blue Lions, come on now

(I totally wanna think of students for the other two though, cause I really enjoyed making this one.)

What’s she like?

Sorrel is pretty competitive and loves to show off. Gotta get those good knight points, right? She’ll challenge anyone who opposes her to a fight, and the last man standing gets to be right! So basically, she’s not the brightest. She charges in without a plan, but it just kinda works out. Probably because everyone else has to try and cover for her. Despite all this, she really is trying her best, it’s just in... interesting ways. She just wants to help the people she cares about, even at her own risk. (she really is knight material...)

Outside of fighting and training, she’s a softie. She loves eating baked treats and sweets, especially homemade ones. She loves anything and everything soft and fuzzy and won’t hesitate to pet it if she sees it. She also loves cold weather, which goes hand in hand with her love of fuzzy things. If the temperature is above freezing, she’s a sweating mess! She honestly doesn’t understand how anyone can live with it being so hot...

What’s she look like?

I can only give a description but hnnnng I’ll do my best. She’s really pale because Albinea is so cloudy and cold, most people stay indoors and don’t see the sun often. Her skin could be compared to that of a ghost. Her hair is orange and at chin’s length, though it used to be really long when she was younger. Her eyes are a light green color and she has a smallish nose. Her face is always red since she’s not used to Fodlan’s weather, even after all this time. She’s usually sweating for the same reason. She’s taller than average height at 5′5″, though not by much. (Spoiler: She doesn’t get any taller 5 years later, it’s tragic)

Stats and such:

I love gameplay mechanics so I couldn’t not include this

She starts off with an Iron lance, I’m not 100% why I chose this for her it just felt right.

These are her skill levels, including what she’s good and bad at.

⏬Sword: E

⏫Lance: D

⏺Axe: E

⏫Bow: E+

*️⃣Brawl: E

⏺Reason: E

⏬Faith: E

⏺Authority: E

⏬Heavy Armor: E

⏺Riding: E

⏫Flying: E+

I chose brawling as her budding talent cause I’m biased and she’d totally deck someone if she could.

Her default class line would be

Soldier -> Pegasus Knight -> Wyvern Rider -> Wyvern Lord

But other alternatives could be

Fighter -> Archer -> Sniper

(If the enemy gets too close she just... punch)

Fighter -> Brawler Brigand -> Grappler Warrior

(She may not be able to wield an axe, but that won’t stop her from destroying everything in her path)

Personal Skill: Reckless Charge: If unit attacks first, damage dealt to foe +3 and damage taken +3

Misc info:

I chose dancing as an interest of her because... I don’t know. To be honest. I just thought she’d find it fun and enjoyable. Twirling around and having fun, laughing and just, being chill for once in her life. It was just a nice thought, but because that’s all it was I didn’t really know where to put it. So here it is.

I chose her close allies for a few different reasons.

I chose Ashe because I’m biased and love him he admires and wants to become a knight and so does she. But for two completely different reasons. I thought the dynamic would be interesting since he wants to become a knight to help people while she wants to be one just so she can rise above her current status. And I’m biased and love him.

I chose Annette because I see her as someone who is also close to Ashe and because she is from Fhirdiad. I imagine they must have run into each other a few times back then, and they could have even been friends. Maybe they shared sweets together? The idea was just too cute to pass up! They would definitely have girls nights and just hang out together.

Finally, I chose Felix because I’m 100% sure they spar. All. The. Time. They both want to prove their strength. Sorrel wants to show off and prove she’s the best, and Felix wants prove he’s stronger than everyone, and getting stronger, so of course he’d challenge someone so cocky. Sorrel is pretty naïve on what it really takes to be a knight, so most of what she knows comes from fables and such, and Felix would definely HATE it. So I think they’re dynamic would be like a competitive Ashe and I love it.

Bonus: Caspar would totally be a close runner up. They’re both morons who love charging in, they would just enable each other and it’d be horrible.

[skamthemuse-blog]

Chapter 4: Straight from the Cat’s Tongue 

How are you supposed to react when two of your best friends vanish and no one will tell you anything? You keep saying they have to be okay and you have to believe it but as the hours go by, it’s getting harder and harder to believe. I feel like I shouldn’t even be writing this to you, but I know you want an update since I haven’t posted in the few days. This is officially my notice of hiatus. I love you, my readers, so much but I can’t talk about who wore what or interview any guests right now. I’m sorry. This isn’t goodbye forever. It’s just goodbye for now.

              Love,

              M.F.

***

              Magnus read over his post for the hundredth time. The view count kept going up and the comments section was flooded, but for once he could care less about how popular his blog was. His heart wasn’t in it. It wasn’t even into the waffle sitting in front of him, that Mahdi had made twenty minutes ago, now soggy under the deflated whipped cream. He wasn’t sure if Mahdi had actually expected him to eat it or just needed someone to make one for. Ever since their friends had gone missing he’d started a buy one, get one free promotion just so he would never have to stop working.

              Up until now, Magnus hadn’t shown any sign less than hope. He had to pretend to be strong every time he went to check on Even. He couldn’t imagine what Even felt like. He wasn’t just missing a friend, but the love of his life. Magnus knew it would be hard for anyone. He felt obliged to be the friend that went over there to check on the other man. He wanted to make sure that Even was still taking his medication and that things weren’t getting too bad. He knew what his mother had been like when her sister passed away a couple years back and he didn’t want to see his friend spiral in the same way. Isak would want Even to be okay.

              Thinking about Isak and Even’s epic love story made him miss Vilde. It had been three years now. He should have been over it. That explosive night shouldn’t have mattered anymore. But it did. It still did to him. They had both said things and he’d tried to help her, but she had pushed him away. The fact that he was cheating on him wasn’t the biggest shock it was that—

              “Mahdi!” Magnus snapped out of his thoughts as he heard a familiar voice echo through the empty restaurant. He turned to see Sana Bakkoush, standing in all her glory at the door. Behind her were Eva, Chris and Noora. They looked like Charlies Angels, all together, beautiful and always ready to kick ass. His stomach sank. The absence of their fifth member made the whole scene feel off. Maybe that’s what made everything feel even more serious to him.

              Mahdi walked around the counter to see the four girls. “Noora, Sana, Chris and Eva? What are you all doing here? Did you come for the special?”

              Chris nodded, prompting Noora to nudge her as she shook her head. Sana stood tall. She didn’t waste any time to get to her point, “Do you have any enemies you want to tell us about?”

              “What?” Mahdi asked. Magnus was lost now. Good. He’s just as confused as I am.

              “Isak was in your car,” Sana said as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

              “And?”

              “Do you think anyone was looking for you instead?”

              Mahdi was taken aback by this statement. Magnus couldn’t say he had expected it either. He hadn’t thought about it that way. Mahdi replied, “No. No, there’s no one that would. I don’t have any- no. There can’t be.”

              “No hell-bent pancake restaurant ready to take out the competition?” Chris offered.

              “No,” Mahdi replied, firmer this time. “I don’t have any enemies.”

              “But does Jonas?” Eva asked, just loud enough for everyone to hear. It was more of a thought escaped her lips that an actual question, but it was more than a fair point.

              “Jonas is a protester. He finds a cause and he won’t stop until everyone’s heard it. There was an anti-capitalist rally in Sweden and it turned into a bit of a riot. He got in an argument with a police officer, so they said he resisted arrest.”

              “There’s a pretty great video of it online,” Magnus added. “Dude isn’t scared of anything.”

              “Do you think he’s made any enemies?” Noora asked.

              “Tons!” Magnus laughed. It was obvious he didn’t understand where Noora was leading this discussion. “’You can’t take a stand without making someone mad,’ that was his motto.”

              “Do you know anyone in particular?” Noora asked.

               “No one that would want to kidnap him if that’s what you’re getting at,” Mahdi said.

              “What about Isak?” Chris asked.

              “No way,” Magnus said. “Sure, he can get angry, but he wouldn’t actually hurt anyone. Not intentionally.”

              “Didn’t he start that fight with your brother’s friends in high school?” Chris asked Sana.

              “Yeah, but there were no hard feelings. Isak’s a pretty good person,” Sana replied.

              “Usually,” Eva said, sitting down at the counter beside Magnus. This caused everyone to turn their head to her.

              “What do you mean?” Magnus asked.

              “In high school, he broke up Jonas and me. When I cheated on Jonas, he told me not to tell him and then told Iben. Then when I confronted him he told me it was because he liked me and-”

              “Wait, he liked you? But I thought…” Magnus was wide eyed, not understanding.

              “Oh for the love of- He liked Jonas!” Sana jumped in, cluing in the blond boy.

              “What?” This was news to Magnus. He never would have guessed. His mind began running to all the times that they all hung out as friends and how he never knew. He almost forgot that they were supposed to be talking about missing people.

              “Focus,” Mahdi said, putting a hand on Magnus’ shoulder. “We’ve all done things we regret but are they enough to want to commit a crime?”

              “What about Even?” Sana asked, wracking her brain.

              “Why,” Magnus got apprehensive. He didn’t know why he was so defensive about it. Maybe he just didn’t want Even to be muddled up in this any more than he was. Of course, it was impossible to separate him from the whole situation. There was also part of the thought that if it was about Even, Magnus could be guilty in all of this.

Magnus had been the first one to introduce Isak to the public after Even’s career took off two years ago. The plan originally had been to keep him out of the news; to let it all be about Even. It was around that time that Magnus had started his blog, Straight from the Cat’s Tongue. He had needed something to do with his life. It had all started when he attended a party that Eskild threw. He had been sitting alone awkwardly, feeling sorry for himself around Vilde’s ex-friends, when Noora sat down beside him. He had asked her about what she had been doing since high school. She had told him all about her new job as a freelance journalist. Something about the way she was talking about her work made something click in Magnus. Unlike her and Jonas, he wasn’t interested in the political statements of it. He couldn’t keep up with policies or laws, but he was interested in the human interest, from the scandals to the who’s who of the gossip. His blog had taken off when he gave them a story no one else couple have: who was the muse for Even Bech Næsheim’s stories? Overnight he had thousands of people flocking to his website, sharing the story with everyone. Everyone wanted to know everything about Isak and Even, or Evak, as they were calling them online. People even went to Isak’s university to try and meet him. Even had to post on social media asking people to stop. He hadn’t realized just how much the world loved a love story, especially the story of the love between his two friends. He had been joking when he said he would like to watch a show about them, but maybe he had been onto something.

              If Isak was missing because he was linked to Even, that was Magnus’ fault. Isak had made his Instagram private before Even became big and Even wasn’t on social media. Magnus had convinced them to share their life with the world. Even if it was just small snippets that Magnus had shared, this was all on him.  

              “Why don’t we all just talk to Even,” Eva suggested.

              “He’s commandeered my room,” Noora said, obviously slightly annoyed about it. “But I’m not sure if Eskild will let us past.”

              Magnus kept quiet for a minute, weighing his options. If he was there, then he could know for sure. He wouldn’t have to directly ask, and he wouldn’t seem suspicious if other people were wondering. After a moment he said, “I told Even I would go see him tomorrow. I was going to take him for coffee to get him out of the house.”

              “We don’t want to ambush him,” Mahdi reasoned.

              “No,” Sana replied, “but we’re running out of time, so I don’t think we have a choice.”

              “Why don’t we throw him a party?” Chris chimed in. Everyone looked at her.

              Eva broke the circle of stares, “that may not be a bad idea. Not a party but like a get-together. To say we all care.”

              “I’ll talk to him,” Magnus said. He didn’t know if Even would want to see anyone right now, but it was worth a try. The police had nothing, so it was up to them.

Please don’t be my fault.

***

            They were still sitting in Mahdi’s shop two hours after they had decided to throw a get-together. Mahdi has put the closed sign on the shop, but Sana noticed that there hadn’t been any customers in all morning anyway. That was a blessing.

            The group had been trying to craft the perfect plan for talking to Even. No one really felt like party planning right now, but everyone wanted to have their voice heard on what this party should look like. Sana knew they all just wanted control of something, since the universe was making them all feel powerless.

            “Hey Sana! I think your phone is ringing?”

             Sana turned to Eva, whose hand was outstretched, holding Sana’s phone. It was Elias. Finally.

             Sana picked it up, determination and anger in her voice as she said, “Now you call me! What the hell, Elias?”

             “Hey, Sana, before you get mad, I really gotta tell you something. I think we just saw your friend.”

             “What friend?”

             “The ex-one. You know, Vilde.”

             “Wait,” Sana was trying to process. “I’m going to put you around speakerphone.” Sana set her phone down in the middle of the table so the whole group could hear. “Okay, what did you say?”

             “We saw Vilde,” Elias repeated. “But that’s not even the biggest thing we found. God, I don’t know how we’re going to tell Even but—”

             “Tell me what?” The group all turned to door to see none other than Even Bech Næsheim standing there with Eskild. Surprise. Just another way the universe was ruining their plans today.

[finsterhund]

/v/ moves way too fast so I figured I’d respond to this here:

1: Fred always says no but never explains. Fans ask ALL THE TIME for new HoD stuff. He’s almost turned it into a joke to turn us down.

2:  *glances over shoulder at the 3-5 total active fans* We're poor and very tired. My laptop died. Aside from me, there’s almost nobody willing to take up the torch. Bear in mind that the scope of the original game is mind-numbingly labor intensive even for modern indie devs. Unless we directly ripped original assets we would have to draw all the new sprites by hand, just like Christian did. Fully animated and cinematographed 3D is a lot harder than you give it credit, but that’s actually easier than if we chose to have 2D hand-drawn animation instead. Would we make a new engine? Use a pre-built one? There’s slowly work being done reverse engineering the original PC engine, but a roadblock was hit on the monster logic. Publishing a game on the scope of the original HoD is a huge endeavor. It definitely has gotten easier since the mid-90s, but back then five to twelve people took several years. And Virgin was actually giving them money for food and rent in the beginning. This game is a cult classic, but that doesn't mean the active fandom aka the people consistently producing content isn't tiny. It is tiny. And it’s the smallest it’s been in five years.

Bear in mind that there’s actually a ton of pressure for it to be “done right.” Remember those indiegogo scammers from last year who tried to cheat fans out of money by presenting a poorly thought out plagarized idea using badly butchered original concept art? Also bear in mind that the cheaper an indie game is to produce, the cheaper it looks. Not sure it’s a good idea to kickstart a fan game. it’s all gotta be “for fun” and while I have that luxury with a steady (relatively) income and inability to have an actual job due to my disability, other fans definitely don’t. Take for instance Shynox who is in college. Cute little labors of love by fans do exist. There was a Commander Keen fan level based directly on the beginning of Swamplands and that cute little simple 2D platformer made by that person on youtube for a game design class, but the first took AGES to produce and they only made a tiny snippet, and the latter was definitely something that both its creator and the general consumer wouldn't consider viable for a whole game. More like an early proof of concept.

3 and 4: Eric said it wouldn't work.

Eric knows firsthand that the scope and quality of Heart of Darkness simply cannot be replicated in todays' modern game development scene and be on par with triple A devs. Indie devs have more accessibility now, but that doesn't pay them in advance. Eric is currently working on a new project anyways. He can’t direct his attention to another project. That’d be even MORE labor intensive.

Heart of Darkness was always indie. Its original creators either left game development entirely or stayed indie. I personally would only hesitantly trust the game being made by a triple A studio. One that likely would skimp on creative detail. Will they cut out the deaths to make it less “controversial” as a kids game? Would they completely remove what made HoD HoD in order to keep the violence but make it a game exclusively for adults? It’s a roll of the dice and that’s why triple A can’t be trusted with HoD.

Additionally, “2D hand-drawn cinematic platformer” is one of the most labor-intensive video game genres that you could possibly pick. Even today. The same things that made it labor intensive in 95 mostly still apply. There are new tools, yes, the 3D could have a better result even with a team the same size, yes. But if you’re going to have it resemble the original game, it’s going to take work. And you can bet your arse that making the jump to 3D, even for in-game models even if you still kept the gameplay 2D is going to crack some eggs and divide the fanbase.

In short, it’s something I've wanted to take on, and I've had ideas about everything from engine to story to level and enemy design, but obviously I’m like, the only person actively presenting these ideas. Other than a few casual fans who have made fan models (and not shared them lmao) there hasn't really been much.

I've been working on proof of concepts for a spiritual successor project that my intent was to make to show that me and a small hired team could pull off a “new HoD” to try and convince Eric and Fred to give me the right to then go and kickstart an official sequel but that’s just theoretics right now. I don’t have a computer that can do it. I’m not in a stable enough point of my life. And as it stands I’m currently the only one kookoo for cocopuffs HoD enough to do it.

The engine rewrite by Gregory Montoir is incredibly promising for some sort of modification based on the original game, but that’s the closest the fanbase has come... yet.

[odditycollector]

Anti-Parallel Evolution

[disclaimer: as always with just-so stories, i'm talking 'what i enjoy believing' not 'true with any authority']

This is kinda a continuation of my semi recent homestuck myth post, and kinda a continuation of my not even a little recent blackrom post**.

**[Which I think still holds up, although if I was re-writing it today I'd put either way less or way more effort into bullshitting the low-level mechanisms of reproduction, 'cause that's the least thought-out part & it shows. tldr: I enjoy believing trolls have many more than 2 parents.]

And alas but I've gotta ruin the "true thing” hidden in the homestuck myth post to go on with this one.

It's the last bit, where the early proto-trolls were, as a swarm, a single(ish?) superorganism in the way that a colony of earth ants or termites or bees can be best understood as a single superorganism, but then as the trolls evolved they became more and more individualistic until they are as we meet them.

Things that make more sense this way:

variation between "castes"

eg, why are there sea trolls? why are deep blue trolls apparently hoarding all the superstrength? why are there powers that you'd expect to find in yellows or ceruleans respectively... but not v.v.?

a: because at one time they were specialized "cells" of a superorganism, where the castes had different functions like how ants have soldiers and workers and breeders.

and those divisions were either too useful (for some definition of "useful") or too genetically baked in to be completely erased yet even if they've blurred.

incestuous slurry

eg, if the endgame is sexual reproduction, why not just have two parents and less confusion (even if imo it would be a waste of thinking about aliens)

a: because primitive superorganisms, to the best of my knowledge of science's knowledge, only hold together when they are all genetically similar. (This is why a cell in your liver is willing to cast its lot with a cell in your brain it will never meet.) Otherwise, individuals will *cheat* - find a way to reproduce outside what is best for the entire superorganism, and after that there are *more* genetic cheaters, who cheat more, and then... death by extremely slow existential cancer, is almost what it sounds like I'm describing here?

How genetically similar *are* trolls then?

no idea, but here is the thing: even if genetic similarity is GREAT for cooperation, it is CRAP for being a viable species that is not going to go the way of the genetically identical eating bananas - currently in the process of all getting killed by one disease strain. And if you're an r-selected** species - many many children, low resource investment, low survival to adulthood rates - you can afford to do a lot of genetic experimenting (ie, have a high mutation rate) because the fucked up ones will just die, like most of them do anyway, and hey, you never know.

**[Or close enough for this post.]

So this is what I'm positing.

your dna goes into the slurry, baby trolls come out of the slurry. check. but which baby trolls are made of YOUR dna in particular? Well, who's counting, but probably a lot. like "more than you'd get with 2 parents per troll" a lot.

If you have 20 paired chromosomes and (with some help >;) ), you split them down the middle and make 2 kids with half your dna each, you have an investment in getting those 2 kids as far in life as you can, because that's the whole you.

but split them further - say one chromosome per kid - and now you have *40* kids you're invested in seeing survive in order for there to be a whole copy of you still floating around in the 2nd generation.

But at the same time, you have way *less* of an investment in each one of those 40 than when it was only 2. And again, who's counting? Any number of the baby trolls crawling inside the caverns could have bits of you in their mix.

Instead of caring a *lot* about *some* members of your species, you care a *little* about *all* of them.

Maybe that's enough to get a species to hang out together? That'd be worth the energy it’d cost to do it if it'd be so.

That and... *one* other thing.

Cheaters, remember?

The way insects do it is central control. The non-queen individuals biologically cannot** reproduce on their own terms.

**[or close enough for this post]

oh hey, *who does that sound like*?

The thing I like to believe is trolls don't make eggs on their own, and haven't for millions and millions of years, b/c once upon a time when they still did make eggs they parasitized the proto-mothergrub species the way wasps lay their eggs in caterpillars, and this became proto-trolls parasitizing the proto-mothergrub species by making them make eggs containing proto-troll dna, and this became whatever is going on today.

(If you think that is too neat and unlikely you should look into the terrifying shit Earth insects have managed to get up to.)

So, with all that, could a species introduce significant genetic variation at the individual level and still survive as a superorganism?

Well...

it *didn't*, did it?

[And here's a thought.

[Spiders - singular insects - are r-selected the way trolls seem to be. Lots of eggs, few to reach adulthood, competition intense.

[but are *hive bees* r-selected?

[arguably, they are not. bee colonies don't make as many new bees as possible, they only make as many new bees as they need, and they provide the baby bees honey to eat and nursemaids to take care of them until they become adult bees.

[and isn't it kinda weird that post-pupation trolls seem somehow, like, *injured* by growing up by themselves in a harsh world, even though it “should” be what they are evolved for?

[Maybe they're meant to be less r-selected than we assume.

[That last bit's not What I Like To Believe(tm), but it's a thought.]

Wow that single quick intro paragraph got away from me a little :/

Anyway, parallel evolution is when two species, faced with similar constraints, evolve similar traits to deal with those constraints.

eg, flying squirrels and flying lizards both glide around on flaps of skin, but they have not shared an ancestor for a very very long time - They both developed the flying thing separately.

Humans... okay, we all know about humans, right? We were once more individualistic creatures but then we slowly, piecemeal, learned the trick of inter-group cooperation and used it to take over the world.

So humans were individuals who learned group-ishness, and trolls were a group that learned individuality, and then we all met together somewhere in the middle.

That’s what I think would be cool.

[bonus question: Humans have developed *intER*group cooperation. Trolls were starting from a place of *intRA*group connection and working backwards. Which one of us d'you suppose would be better at making interspecies friends, come alien contact?]

And the interesting part is, in both cases, you get there the same way.

via neoteny!

neoteny is when a species evolves to keep more child-like traits into adulthood. It's what fuels the domestication process - being docile and curious and trusting and friendly is a phase for *babies*. ...And/or any species that 1. naturally goes through that phase and 2. hangs around humans too long.

Including humans.

We are all giant whiny babies who have no one to blame but ourselves. That is science facts.

And genes are complicated and stuff so when you change the behaviour of a species you change the physical traits of the species as well, and a domesticated animal will keep child-like markings/features/etc into adulthood and that's why dogs have floppy ears.

But! Back to homestuck trolls.

It is easy to read what we are given in-comic as "these kids are growing less violent as they get older, and at the very beginning of their humanoid life - the 'trials' - they had to be really quite vicious indeed".

To illustrate my headcanons here’s a snippet from an old thing I wrote:

At about 5 sweeps is where things get interesting.

The trials are long over, and so the slow wave of settlement. There are enough resources to go around; bloodlust is falling out of fashion with the inexorable change of brain hormones. Suddenly, everyone is interested in figuring out the *rules*.

or:

“Yes,” she says. “Sure. Right. Karkat, you’ve survived this long with less challenge than anyone else I’ve known. Here.”

Kanaya pries the book from him and searches through it for a passage. “…proximity to the parasite has been observed to actuate the development of premature empathy in adolescent trolls.”

“Premature empathy,” Karkat repeats. “You mean that being around me makes trolls less aggressive. Just by *existing* at you, I made you *weak*. Oh fuck. I’m so sorry.”

I could argue my case in depth but it's not that unusual a theory and I don't wanna go on another whole essay tangent.

But the kid trolls only know what adults are like from their media, which is explicitly mentioned to make stuff just for kids, who are into violence. Maybe the troll child-friendly channel is the one with all the goriest stuff on it, idk, but I def. do not believe there is no adult-audienced media anywhere in the fleet.

So like

Humans: Neoteny --> more childlike --> more trusting, curious, and friendly

Trolls: Neoteny --> more childlike --> more individualistic and uncooperative

See? *backwards*

(And Her Imperious Condescension sure looks cool to the hs troll kids, but maybe she's just a spoiled brat who never really grew up. Not like THAT's not a theme for Homestuck villains.)

And now... here we are.

And the real reason I brought us all this way is because it opens up an potentially amusing cultural mismatch.

We have certain associations with facial proportions, right? It's neoteny all over again (and also some sexism but).

And maybe trolls have the opposite associations... for the same reasons**!

**[Yes I am assuming trolls have similar childhood traits because otherwise it isn’t funny.]

here are some neoteny linked traits:

low, large eyes small chin, nose large head:body size ratio short stature invokes the general abstract concept of roundness somehow etc.

Human RX:

adorable! helpless/vulnerable/needs protection i just met it and i loooove it! does it need hugs cause i have extra hugs just lying around here compelled to hold/pet/cuddle it

Troll RX (suggested):

vicious/violent/dangerous leave it alone or it will bite you probably unpredictable/disloyal selfish likely to end up dead anyway so not really worth caring about instinctual revulsion (judging from karkat + grubs)

and some anti-neotony linked traits:

smaller eyes, higher in head larger nose, jaw taller with smaller head:body ratio etc.

Human RX:

more likely to be dangerous (poss. in protection of itself/bonded others) suffers fools less than gladly, see also: unwanted attention self-sufficient jealous of resources/not good at sharing closed off/suspicious

Troll RX (hypothesized):

more emotionally stable more socially adept/a potential friend or ally competent/proven sex haver competent/proven at self protection safer to let down your guard around it able to usefully cooperate in groups towards shared goal

Okay? Okay.

okay......

So then imagine Karkat's reaction the first time he gets a puppy shoved in his face.

:)

The end.

I'm out of typing now.