#anyways yeah thats it just a post I think needed to be made
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I hope all my friends know, I love u dearly, sorry for not talking like at all. I just hope u all know it's not bc I've ditched you for new friends or spite or anything like that. It's just that maybe a year ago I was betrayed very deeply by someone I considered such a close online friend and admired so much... It's been near impossible to try and make connections now, so directly. I think everyday about responding to ur dms about trying to make connections with others again online but on top of my paranoia and my various adult duties it's felt almost impossible to do so...
And it's not just you guys most importantly I can't really remember the last time I talked to any of my friends, let alone made new ones. I can only hope there's light at the end of my lonely tunnel and one day u guys will get to wake up to me just. Dming you bringing up a topic for us to ramble about and drawing on the whiteboards again. I hope once things felt like they've calmed down for me, I'll finally reach out again haha.
#ramblez#vent#sorry for the sudden sad post#its one Ive been meaning to make for a while#I havent talked to any of my friends not even irl ones in so long#and I dont want any of my friends to think its out of spite or that I dont consider them my friends anymore#I wouldnt mind if they no longer considered me a friend tho I suppose Ive been a p bad one lmao#and most of all I dont want them thinking I just ditched specific people almost everyone who isnt my partner hasnt heard much from me#I really hope once I do stuff like getting a job or getting my drivers license I can focus on another long term task#like getting back in contact with all my friends again haha#anyways yeah thats it just a post I think needed to be made
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meet cassian :]
close ups and more info under the cut!




gloomiest guy you’ll ever meet
pathetic loser
he’s an artist
comes from a rich family
he barely leaves his house, he stays inside a LOOOOOT
insane attachment issues
clingy and dependant yandere
he guilt trips a lot (isn’t really aware of it lmao) can be really manipulative without trying unfortunately
texts you constantly but if you don’t answer back in like 5 minutes he starts freaking out
sometimes he’s normal enough but if you take too long he WILL lose it
doesn't like it when you talk to other people, why can't you just talk to him? is he not good enough for you? what's so interesting about other people anyway?
he hates stairs (he's fallen down and up the stairs WAYYY too many times)
shy (lmao ok) and introverted (has a really hard time talking to people)
has a mascot! (his name is PopUp :] he made him for a school project and just ended up liking him a lot lol)
sopping wet cat
don’t be mean to him, he doesn’t like it, even as a joke
doesn’t get much social interaction cause he stays inside a lot
WAYYYY more comfortable texting, he’s like a totally different person when you’re texting him
spams a lot. like a lot
used to be a lot more outgoing and social
wishes you could be by his side 24/7
he’s sad a lot of the time
feels unloved, please shower him in love
really pessimistic when it comes to himself
he’s really passionate about art
you and art are the two things that make him extremely happy
if you thought nox was tired, meet cassian! he has an even worse sleeping schedule than nox
he’ll do ANYTHING to keep you by his side
so he can and will kidnap you! lol!
is also a stalker… great..!
has probably installed a camera somewhere in your room (um??)
you’re probably one of the only people that can convince him to leave his room
really loves shoujo manga, has fantasized about being the perfect male lead for you (he really wants a romance like that, only with you)
he's a huge romantic, he wants the two of you to have a happy life together
so please don’t leave him. please
takes a lot of walks at night, don’t worry he doesn’t spend ALL of his time inside (he wishes he could tho.)
he wants to have his happy ending with you <3
#num draws#cassian posting#<- hehe#yandere oc#male yandere#yandere male#oc art#yandere#original character#digital art#guys meet my sopping wet cat of an oc! i love him dearly!#also. i think i said this before but i put a lot of my own traits into my ocs#this fucker has the most of my traits. i wonder what that says about me#NONE OF THE YANDERE STUFF THO THATS ALL HIM!#i wanted to include more info but if i do ill just keep going and going and going and i dont think anyone is gonna read all that anyway </3#btw PopUp is a character that i made for a school project so yeah he's stealing him from me (and im ok w that. was supposed to happen lol)#i mean ive shown PopUp on the blog before just didn't tag it (bc i was just yapping and complaining about my project.)#this is my first time posting a full body (and like its the first one ive drawn in a while) pls be kind. im so scared to post this.#i worked really really hard on this so im excited to share this with you!#also this is my 1000th post. hell.#i still need to add him to the relationship chart n everything.#also i think ill do proper ref sheets for them bc. i cant just leave them as busts.#and ill rework rowan's too bc he deserves my love
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god okay. sorry for yet another text post. but i'm just still thinking about the argument that veilguard is bad because the only option re: morality of your player character that it gives is kindness.
Now, to preface. I understand where this criticism comes from. Veilguard IS a departure from the general scheme of the previous games, in several aspects. And i understand how people would be upset at not having quite the same kind of options/ways to influence the world. It took me some getting used to, also.
What i do disagree with, however, is using that to claim that the game is bad, irredeemable, and also meaningless n soft or whatever.
Because it's really not. It's just different, with a different narrative focus. I've played the previous games several times, and as i said before, origins is in first place for me. Veilguard is a very close second. And i'm not more right or wrong in this opinion than someone who thinks datv is the worst game in the series.
You can still make choices that will influence the world in wildly different ways, they're just not... ''genocide or no genocide'' kinds of choices. Which i can see how some people would not consider the difference significant enough to be interesting for them personally. Which is whatever, im not their dad, i dont really care.
However. I think it's kind of weird to say that ''the game made me resent being a nice person'' or that "kindness you dont have the choice not to offer isnt worth a lot"
Like, game criticism aside. That is just an objectively weird thing to say.
There are ways to phrase that particular dissatisfaction in a way that will not make most people side-eye you. This is not one of those ways.
The thing is, it was a deliberate choice in characterization. Since game development at AAA scale is. an incredibly complex beast, i suspect there were many different reasons for it, and not all of them purely narrative. It is also not 2009 anymore. We are not getting another Origins, like, probably ever.
But. Rook is established in the very second cutscene to care about other people. It makes sense narratively, too, with Varric being the one to recruit them. Their backstory also shows that they gravitate towards the 'moral' choices. It's not bad writing. It's deliberate.
That does not mean that everyone has to like it. And i don't think the people who are upset about the change in this gameplay aspect are stupid or wrong.
We are all different people with different preferences, and i really am sorry if the game ended up being a disappointment for you. I know how it feels, and it does suck.
But i also do think it might be worth to examine the way people choose to phrase this complaining. The claim that kindness is somehow diminished in value if you aren't offered the choice to be cruel alongside it. I just think that, like. misses the point of what kindness is?
I know what those people mean when they say it, i just...fundamentally disagree with the sentiment. And i think phrasing it in this way is incredibly weird. sorry 🤷♂️
There is a better way to talk about this particular complaint. I just never actually SEE that being done. and i do think a lot of it comes from not actually engaging with the source material people are trying to criticize. Like, the person i sort of quoted earlier explicitly said they have not finished the game. If you never give something a chance in the first place, if all the information you have is second-hand, then i do not find your criticism valuable in any way. There is no substance to it, no backing. You are not proving a point, you're just chasing your own tail at that point. There isnt even a bone to chew. You've only heard of the bone. you havent actually experienced it.
Another part is people being too twisted up in the emotion of disappointment to actually see that they're not making compelling arguments, necessarily, and that they're actually being a tar pit.
I know not everyone thinks as much about the push towards dismissing the value of kindness for kindness' sake as i do. But like. It really is very weird to see this insistence that game bad bcs it didnt have the option to do a murder to an innocent person, or something. While also dismissing the horrible things we Are shown as 'not in your face enough'.
And honestly, personally? I dont love origins or any of the other ones specifically for the ability to choose the evil options. It's never even been a choice for me, because you can very well play the games without having to make the bad choices. theres always a workaround. And that workaround doesnt even harm u in any significant way. there isnt an actual like. terrible complexity here. I enjoy the dwarf politics quest a lot but ultimately, knowing the outcome? its EASY to choose Bhelen. Unless you're playing a dwarf noble origin, i guess. Rip Harrowmont 🙏 you would have made a terrible king.
And again, my personal opinion is not more right or wrong than that of someone who adored the prev dragon age games exactly because they allow you to make some terrible terrible moral choices.
At the end of the day. why are people still so pissed about a game that came out almost 6 months ago that many of them havent even played in the first place? Relax. take a walk if you can. Maybe move a snail out of the road if you find one. There tends to be a lot of them after it rains. Think about the ones that didn't make it. Try to find compassion for lives so easily dismissed. Maybe that will make you think about whether or not kindness on its own really is so lacking in value.
#valtalks#da fandom critical#dragon age fandom critical#honestly this is just an excuse for me to spread the 'be kind to bugs and other tiny creatures' propaganda#anyway. this is the piss on the poor website so im sure it will be taken out of context eventually yet again#but like. at some point. stop being a tar pit n actually go do something you enjoy#my original post that got vagued i made. admittedly. while being a bit fired up from the sheer ridiculousness of a crit post i saw in the#Main Tags for the game#so maybe i wasnt making my point clearly enough#or maybe they just did not want to actually engage with my point#but like. do you Need to use the main tags for your nothingburger of a complaint?#like youre not even bringing anything valuable to the conversation#cite ur sources or go do something that makes u actually happy#THAT was my point#and kindness IS valuable on its own#and yeah sorry i do think you need to play the game at least once and actually engage with it if you want to pretend#that your complaining has any weight#thats just usually how media analysis works#u cant analyze something u havent engaged with#anyway. back to da2 replay#during which i shall thank all the gods that might listen that there is a 'skip combat' mod because GOOD. GOD.
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Iris my love... gotta have the girly secondary fursona. For gender time. Actually think she's being demoted to fursona number 3 but idk we'll see about the pecking order when refs are all done. She was waaay overdue for a redesign oh shit I just realized I didn't put a color palette on here. Oh well ig too late for that now I am not rearranging that bg
#oh i should pop some character related tag commentary to the top of the tags thatd be neat. so uhh fun facts. i think my sibling technically#made her first design waaaaay back cause they drew her before i ever did. i dont remember which of us actually came up with her tho lol. sh#has antlers but shes always been cis in my mind so just like. dont think about it too hard ig. also while she is in part named after the#flower cause hashtag girly things (this was before i too was named after a flower. hindsight am i right) she was primarily named after the#song. by the goo goo dolls. the song thats really transgender to me. hindsight am i right. whys my cis girl fursona got all the transness#oh yeah and that earring is supposed to look like an iris. they are not easy flowers to draw tho good lird#she used to be a whitetail/fennec cause i love my local deer but mule deers big ol ears have swayed me. i love a big deer ear#she also used to have paws and a nub tail but i realized i was missing the best part of fox. big fluffy tail. and then the paws made her#look too fox yknow. wanted her to really look like a hybrid instead of just 'fennec with antlers' lol. anyway now for less relevant tag tal#guys i fear i am fursuit brained rn i keep looking at her and thinking about how fun she'd be to make a suit of. im too broke for thissssss#im already working on a suitttt i cant start another one on the side i dont even know where to get foam.... cause joann fabrics is gone...#actually wait i gotta figure that out like. real soon. i need foam still for the head im working on. shoot. uh. guys where do i get foam#i fear finishing lichens tail and starting zoras head has made me realize fursuit making may be my passion. but i do not have the finances#for this. tbh might see if i can just work my ass off for a month in like idk june just to get it over with for a bit and have money. but i#know that will not be a good idea it kills me to work more than like 5 hour shifts for more than threeish days in a row#i should really just actually make a commission sheet and take comms. that would be ideal#anyway i will now shut up :) and also schedule this for a few hours from typing cause i just posted a different ref#zoracontent#zora arts#clovers characters#iris#furry#sfw furry#fursona
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i'm gonna be the one insufferable bastard on this earth that liked everhood 2, huh
#my posts#everhood 2#everhood 2 spoilers#if i get right down to it. what did i want from this game?#well i wanted more BANGER music. i wanted to be overwhelmed and surprised and lost and to feel shrimp emotions on existential scale#did i get these things? well... yeah! i did actually! were they worth anything less in that moment for how it ended?#it was real to me in that moment. i remember these feelings. i remember them warmly. those little aliens destroyed me i tried so hard#and the world where i got the green weapon had me making the crying cat meme face#i burst out fucking laughing many times#they happened and they were real then so why not now?#and honestly what COULD you do with the narrative at that point? anything less than fundamentally radical would ring hollow#like you could do a traditional plot that functions correctly and moves characters along arcs. but is that REALLY what you wanted?#in EVERHOOD? In everhood. you wanted a normal plot structure. in everhood?#and what else could you have even done that wasnt in essence rehashing everhood 1? i think i liked it better than where it was ALMOST going#it felt like a fever dream to play. like watching alice in wonderland. shit just happens man. these stories are rare#we've made the euthanasia rollercoaster into a fractal. spiral tighter run faster reach higher yearn forever.#fall into the kaleidoscope and grab your popcorn to watch the infinite combinations of static on the screen#you were there. you felt things. you can draw anything out of nothing. you can send everything back to nothing. for the love of god make ar#any art. any quality. just something that was real to you in that moment and in so doing forever. if someone tells you youre doing it wrong#then you should explode with your mind and in your art and LAUGH#apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime anything and everything all of the time#(its fine to dislike it i just found it fascinating in a way which is often more interesting than ''good''.)#(i live for the intersection of absurdity and meaning)#also i felt closer to the companions in this game than EH 1 since you spent more time in them#also cmon we got time with the sexiest character in the foreign gnome universe. the pandering one for a CERTAIN demographic. w big assets.#THATS RIGHT IM TALKIN ABOUT IRVINE BAYBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!#you thought i was gonna say someone else? well tough shit. youre wrong.#anyway my main quibble with this game really was the english translation needed more time to cook for real
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i will say im not super invested in the idea of the show giving us too much information on c&a. like itll be super cool if we find out about it! and im sure itll be relevant information if we do but i think the information we get is going to be not super indepth, because im not sure itd match the tone of the show? its less about mystery and like The Lore and more about the characters and examining how different characters respond and have been responding to the environment set up by the show
(it WOULD be fun to learn more details about c&a and i AM curious i just dont think itd actually enhance much abt the show itself, and as such, i dont think its super important writing wise for the audience to learn about it either)
that SAID i do ascribe to the idea that ALL of the cast members worked for c&a before the ended up in the circus, no exceptions. i dont really know how say gangle or zooble wouldve ended up there, but i feel like they all ended up there one way or another. and i think most of the cast doesnt talk about their life in the real world bc its gone and theres no reason to dredge it up (or theyve forgotten it or most aspects of it), but it does make it fascinating that not even pomni, who has the least reason to avoid these topics at least early on, broached the subject of what in the WORLD is c&a UP to. it literally is never brought up ever as of ep 4. which makes me think the company was probably always super shady in some way to the pt that its employees were kinda desensitized to the idea that its c&as fault that horrible things happen
#tadc#i do think any discussion or reveal abt c&a is gonna have less to do w lore#and more abt like... the role that exploitative companies have in the harming of their employees#we see a little bit of it in how gangle has been affected by the same concept in ep 4#and i think theres hints of it in caines character but not enough for me to make a super concrete point about that#point being that i think c&a isnt going to be much of a 'literal' figure in the show so much as what it represents#hence why i dont think well actually learn too much about it. bc itd be kinda pointless and redundant#circus discussion#i think the way gooseworx has described abstraction honestly ties into it#its one of the first pieces of like. 'trivia' (i guess it counts as trivia??) i learned that gave me this feeling w c&a#'you get stripped of every bit of individuality you have and become something completely unrecognizable'#really leans into the idea. also makes sense why gangle being back in a job she had in the real world#would be implied to bring her so close to abstracting then really#i think in general the show is very much centered around people reacting to a bad environment and how different people like. Survive That#and c&a as a company epitomizes that. the circus is an extension of it after all#everything that happens in the circus is the responsibility of c&a#they dont need to tell us about c&a the circus does enough#and it serves to add a grounded element to the setting. cus like yeah theres already many elements drawing from real life#but the idea of working for a shitty company that treats its employees horribly is like. thats smth very grounded in reality#theres more i could go into on that front but i was drawing oc concepts so ill stop this post here#OH YEAH#and also i think the lack of discussion from characters generally implies that they know minimal about what role c&a played in this#so i think it also makes sense for the audience to not see this. pomnis confused abt the setting first and foremost and is adjusting#but the rest of the cast has no reason to question something they know they have no answers to#and if they did talk about it it wouldnt give anything to the audience anyway#except maybe kinger? but i feel like he doesnt actually... have the answers that one might assume he would#certainly involved in some way with c&a computer science wise but we dont even have confirmation of what he specialized in#just that it was computer science. he literally couldve just been the guy who made sure the servers were running at all and thats it#i feel like well never know but apparently pomni being an accountant is relevant so? who knows? maybe we WILL learn about their jobs!
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you are the most important person in this story.
you are dead.
this story is your own drawn out funeral. you are not the main character, and yet your ghost lives in the shadow of every step they take. you have been consumed, body and mind, and words spill from your voice without your direction. your actions are judged in your absence; you are on trial and you cannot defend yourself. you have no defense.
you are not the main character. you are not a character. you are a foundation. you are an idea. you are a lesson. (you are a villain, in every story but your own.)
there are two ghosts in this story. one is at the center of it all. the other is you. the first one is also you. he decided to be. (and then he decided not to be.)
(he killed you and decided you weren't good enough.)
you didn't have a voice. you didn't get a say. you weren't even there.
no one knows how you felt about dying. they didn't need to. you are not a main character in this story. (this story is not about you.) you are the most important piece of this story. (this story could not happen without you.) you do not have the power to change anything.
you have the power to change nothing. (whether you want to or not.)
you are in checkmate.
(you've never been very good at chess. what an infuriating game.)
#wizard101#wizard101 fandom#w101#w101 fandom#the old one#dasein#sal art#w101 spoilers#uh just in case#like its vague on purpose but ???? technically yeah theres spoilers here#anyway this is my love letter to the old one and how he haunts the entirety of arc 4's narrative#i did that art piece and then proceeded to NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT ALL NIGHT#also including chess symbolism because im insane#cherry had to listen to me ramble abt how everyone involved is a chess piece and now im making it everyone elses problem#and i will run out of tags if i get into it here#the little art thing is just bc i feel weird making a text-only post thats meant to be an art piece idk#i need Images#in the img i made the wizard the white queen and dasein the king bc hes meant to parallel the old one here but in my heart of hearts i know#that the old one is the king piece and dasein is the queen piece and the wizard is a pawn#AND DAMN MAYBE I WILL MAKE A SEPARATE POST AT SOME POINT BECAUSE I NEED TO EXPLAIN IT#this is the Old One's Endgame.
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seven(ish) sentence sunday!
I was tagged by @cowboy-buck @alyxmastershipper @wildlife4life @disasterbuckdiaz @giddyupbuck @wikiangela @watchyourbuck thank you!!!!!
Imma be honest I didn't do a lot of writing this weekend oskasokaoskas but here's more of the wayf fic because I love this fic so much and I'm always thinking about it. prev snippet here.
Eddie was touchy. That was not new information. Not exactly at least. Buck was used to a squeeze on his shoulder, a hand on his back, a thigh pressed into his, their shoulders brushing when they walked too close to each other, knees bumping together. But this was more than what he knew what to do with. He wasn't sure Eddie actually stopped touching him since they left the room. His hand was around his wrist, their fingers were laced together, his arm was around his waist or draped over his shoulders, he would hook their ankles under the table, he would wrap their pinkies together. Not that Buck minded. He was getting a bit drunk on it though.
imma tag @bucks118 and @housewifebuck because it feels weird not to tag them by now oskaoskasokaosk
#writing#911 wip#buddie wip#wayf fic#the not writing part is lie#i didn't write anything i plan on posting oskaoskaoskaoskaoskaoks#i got caught up on the concept of the fic#and the whole they sleep together and have whole vacation acting like a couple and then eddie panics and buck slowly loses his mind#and i was like i need to get into eddies mindspace for a while#or else it wont make sense#like i need to know what eddie was thinking in the beginning there#and i did not plan on having eddies pov in this fic#but then i ended up with i dont know 1k something about their first time from eddies pov#it was very enlighting about their dynamic and it made me realize i need to make present eddie less complacent with what buck is saying#and that this is very much an eddie retreated to safety and buck jumped to worst case scenario#and the plot of this just keeps getting more intricate but yeah#have this because we all know eddie would be touch as fuck if he was allowed to touch#yeah#anyway im going to turn off my computer because my chair feels very uncomfortable by now and i don't wanna make another set right now#and thats whats gonna happen if i stay here#goodbye#sorry for the ride you entered if you clicked see more lol#seven sentence sunday
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ok after listening to the english version of the death note musical....... unpopular opinion i think but i actually prefer the japanese version? dont get me wrong, with some of the songs i do think i might like the eng version more but..... idk i like the lyrics of the japanese version a lot more? and obviously i only know them via a translation but i know for a fact that the entire focus of certain songs are different between versions.
like in the english version of the game begins, L is talking about his strategy to track down kira. but in the japanese version, he's more so talking TO kira directly and saying that he's going to take him down from his "god" status to hell. or mortals and fools, which had a wholeee different vibe in the japanese version being called like a cruel dream. and uhhhh am i insane or was rem's song before she dies an entirely different song? cause in english it was like a sort of generic love song that was pretty chill considering the context, while in the japanese version it was this superrr melancholic and striking ballad she sang while floating around misa.
idk but i really do think i prefer the japanese version. but the og english version is good too!!! i really liked hurricane and the way it ends in particular
#in ''the way it ends'' btw light saying to L ''i've always stayed a step ahead; but you were with me all the way'' almost made me cry WHATTT#WHO MADE HIM FUCKING SAY THATTTTT THATS SUCH AN INSANE LYRIC#but anyway yeah i think i prefer the jp version a good amount#another thing was um. and this might be a stupid thing to be weird about but. L's actor was too passionate for my tastes#<- that sounds insane but if you know anime L you know what i mean right. like hes pretty reserved#and i felt in the japanese production i watched L's actor there was still a great performer and singer like putting work into those songs#while still keeping that air of L being more reserved and like. flat almost? i feel like the guy playing L in the eng version was too much#like ''im BELTTTINGGGGGG HOW IM GONNA FUCKING CATCCHHHH KIRA!!!!!!!!!!'' like bro calm down......#ITS A GOOD PERFORMANCE it just doesnt read as L to me. and like thats fine whatever its an adaptation#but also in the japanese version they still did that adaptation while making L feel more like himself. so idk man#but anyway I WANNA SEE THIS NEW LONDON PRODUCTION SOOOOOOOO BAD#IVE SEEN PHOTOS AND IT LOOKS SO GOOD THE SET IS SOOOOOO COOL LOOKING OML#i need to see this musical live at SOME point in my life. pleaseeee can we get a north america production after this#serena.txt#death note posting
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MAN WHY DOES THE NEUTROIS FLAG GOTTA BE SO UGLY 😭😭😭😭 like thats SO DISAPPOINTING for a term I relate to so heavily
#satt speaks#like . I remade the neutrois flag FOREVER ago with my favorite colors#cause like why not. nobody can stop me???#but then I see the actual flag in the wild and get jumpscared#because it looks SO BAD I'M SORRY#anyways I could 100% post the flag I made but it's literally special to me specifically cause it has my favorite color on it#the specific hex code that all my friends know I am autistic about#(the hex code that is the highlight for this exact blog . actually.)#00c2c4 <- the BEST color ever actually#but yeah everyone makes flags that have meanings and I think thats so sick#but also I just go based off vibes alone man idk#I just enjoy pretty colors . that is all I need in life
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hey, so... you DO know right that if you check out side order on the nintendo e-shop, it has a confirmed release date? 31/12/2024
..... Did this ask time travel, or...?
#ask#avfrisk#not a countdown#Crying. Even if this ask didnt time travel#That date was wrong. It was just an estimate. And especially since I made this acc when they announced it would be spring..#That's even more to make you think 'oh maybe this date was wrong' because while yeah it didnt release in spring well#At least. It released near spring? Dude if it released in winter when they said spring i wouldve been soooo upset#Anyway sorry for the inactivity again. Been really low on energy‚ got accepted into a zine‚ and stuff happened irl#After I finish my zine stuff I'll draw some more here. Oh man#Theres a really old ask that ive been wanting to draw something for but i just havent had time!!#Okay‚ thats all for now. It's actually pretty late when I'm writing this‚ not when its posted.. And I should be asleep by now.#It's my birthday. I need to get up...... Earlier than usual for activities. See ya!#(Does anyone read the tag rambling i do..?)
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Dav spoilers (hardened lucanis ending choices)
Is it low-key bad that I really liked that hardened Lucanis made the choice to separate from Spite without Rook's input. It felt like half the endings of the quest were the companions going "hey you pick this for me I'm nervous" even though that makes zero sense for half of them so Lucanis telling rook "this is what I'm going to do" was soooo refreshing
#dragon age#ill tell if i prefer hardened or softened lucanis after i finish my next run where i save treviso#but i actually really like that. i wish previous choices had determined what they got not rook just deciding on the spot#for example if you encouraged davrin to focus on assan more as a battle companion he would let the griffons stay with the wardens#or send them to be with that elf guy whos name i forgot if you told him to embrace a new future for the griffons#kind of like. okay so like how in pf wotr theres points for different endings like for seelah and ember and Daeran#sorry not the bring up pf wotr on a da post i just think they did it very well#was it stressful as shit not knowing if i got ghe true love ending til credits rolled? yeah. but it was GOOD#i think though that neves and hardings made the most sense with this#harding more than neve though#because thats not rook saying “do this instead of that” its more of rook going “i believe that youre this instead of that”#anyways. i need to put the new post button DOWN i am yapping away 😭#like ive said dragon age Does Something to my brain im never normal about it#dav critical#dav spoilers#crow rambles
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#ive had. extremely hard time already processing this year tbh#both old grief and new grief. its just a lot#i know i dont have to do everything immediately. things dont have to get better overnight and most likely they wont#i mean. they havent#just. saw this and it made me think. probably too much but im an emotional mess at all times either way#i would just like things to be different. i know its a lot to ask and its mostly in my hands for myself but.. yeah#its just not easy. and im not dealing with it very well. i dont know#been trying to tell myself the usual. time doesnt heal it changes you. im going through difficult things and thats okay#i just.. i guess i just hoped this year would be different. so far it hasnt been its been worse#i dont know what the point of me posting this is. i just need to vent a little i guess#this is not gonna be an easy week for me and im not looking forward to it. like said grief is a very difficult thing for me#difficult and new. im trying but its hard. i dont know how im gonna make it this year#anyways. sorry#night is an absolute mess on main
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oc smash or pass with friends sounds like it could be fun at first but then i remember approximately zero of my ocs are my friends types & i dont think i could handle that
#listen listen like i know it & it doesnt bother me bc i made all these little guys for me but idk if i could take hearing pass pass pass#like it just has to be a thing thats not clearly & obviously stated. u know#i think it would be fun but i dont think i would contribute any ocs to the game lmAO#idk WHAT prompted this btw. like this didnt come from a conversation anyone was having or a post i saw or Anything#thought just popped into my head all on its own completely out of nowhere#but yeah its very much one of those ''idc if u dont like this just dont tell me To My Face that u dont like it'' type scenarios u know#← says the same thing like three different times bc it needs to make sure it is not being misunderstood#three? four? idk whatever#what about like oc smash or pass but from the perspective of the other persons ocs. their types could be different.....#irs not oc shipping bc. its not serious its just for a silly little game. & also bc i said so#well anyway i m going to sleep hopefully i donot regret this post in the morning goodnight !!
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several days and 15 thousand words later, i am relieved to report that the suffocating urge to Write Something has been sated and no longer has me in a chokehold
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#thinking of that post that’s like ‘u Have To make art or all the ideas stay stuck in ur brain and make u sick’ bc yeah thats been the vibe#wish i wasn’t so all or nothing about it tho. but alas. i’m that way with everything in my life#i either expect 10k in a day from myself or i don’t write at all for weeks. or months :)#and my average pace is about 500 words per hour. so u can see. how that might be a problem. given how many hours are in a day.#and that’s obviously not sustainable. but idk if it’s adhd or what but it’s So hard to quickly start and stop tasks just Whenever#i struggle to be one of those ppl that can consistently write like. 500 words a day every day and then wow! soon you have a whole novel#nah. once i get myself in the Zone then i’m Goin’ and i can’t stop until i’m Done or i collapse from ignoring my body’s needs lmao#it’s something i should make an effort to do though bc i’d love to be consistently chipping away at things instead of working in bursts#anyways this is a lotta negative self-commentary for what is actually a Positive post! bc yay!! i wrote a thing!! Two things actually!!! 🎉#i got the follow-up to last year’s Matt oneshot done And i wrote the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding after uh. a year and some months#i wanted to blow the dust off the ol’ keyboard by starting with writing some less. uh. high-stakes(?) stuff#not that i didn’t put my all into writing them. i always do. just that ik they’ll have less of an audience so ill cringe less if they suck#so then i can hopefully do justice to the [N]MbD stuff that i’ll be putting out next! ehehe *rubbing my hands together* Finally#the next two [N]MbD fics r already written but the first little one needs a final edit#and then the Big one for. uh. someone (u kno who u r) needs a bit of rewriting i think. i wanna make it Better#so release schedule will be 1. Matt • 2. HiH Ch.3 • 3. [N]MbD small fic • 4. [N]MbD Big fic#then i’m gonna write a lil Boothill comfort oneshot. then i’ll edit/maybe rewrite and post that Dew (Ghost) OCD comfort oneshot#i also wanna keep writing the last couple chapters of HiH before i unintentionally abandon it again#and after/amidst all that maybe i’ll manage to get ES Ch.6 written and posted before the end of the year 😭#anyways ik i’ve made posts like this before. talking abt all these Plans of mine. and most of those things r Still stuck in the pipeline#so don’t put too much stock into this plan. i could have another Bad couple of months and get None of it done#but god i sure fucking hope not. i’d really like to cling to my creativity. if for no other reason than that it makes me happy
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yk what i just realized?
i accidentally wrote pandora with a slightly altered version of my issues pvnjkdml
i noticed it but not All of it
#haunted ecosystem#i forget sometimes that the way *i* think it's the norm and thusly i'll write characters that follow my thought patterns and well.#you wind up with a lot of paranoia lol#like i knew i unintentionally made pandora autistic-coded but yeah i also mightve given him the paranoia & delusions & hallucinations too#though the latter was partially influenced it was still like. organic ig? thats terrible phrasing.#unrelated but why is it so hard to find more. non-specific paranoia positivity posts#like i know its a symptom but cmon.#anyways what if i wrote a fic and actually posted it anon. what if i wrote the fic ive been itching to write since the thought came to me#its not even like. questionable. im just afraid of opinions bc it involves a lot of projecting onto a typically 'strong' character#sigh. i probably will write it. probably wont post it.#maybe i'll finish that one fic thats rotting in my docs from the year before last when i last hit rock bottom lol#okay anyways enough talking to myself in the tags#ily whoever reads this i hope you have a good day and please remember its okay to ask for help when you need it. dont be like me
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