#anyways. its almost 5 a.m.

[agust-dyke]

anyone else’s mental illness mental illnessing

[dollya-robinprotector]

I got a real scary dream last night. Guess I played and talked DoL too much lol cuz it's like a mega mix between many games and media I consumed. Mostly DoL. It's bizarre, like a battle royale? Survival? Identity 5? It just spread through my entire sleep time and only ended when I woke up, it feels too real, no time skip. Idk but it's just bizarre, so yeah warning: bad English, bad scary drawing but I need to just share it. and I'll only share the scary part.

Okay, let's start the dream, here go:

I got notified through a dream. A dream in a dream. Telepathy?

Anw I know that the whole area I live in will have a "Purge". Some selected few can keep their mind (let's call them "players"), while others turn into "zombies" mindlessly roaming around and attacking "players". If the players got attacked and somehow got "X" they turn into zombies. I don't remember exactly what exactly "X" is, but I guess it doesn't matter, we could assume it's "violated" like in DoL.

Players can keep their "advantage", if they ever have any. Mine is the Harpy Transform. It works pretty much the same in the game. I don't know who the other players are or how many players out there. If there's still survived player when the time's up, everything turns back to normal, if not, I don't know what'll come, but it's probably bad : D

Anyway, there's no blood moon. The game's set at night, and lasts for ? hours, from 9 p.m to ? a.m. There are "breaks" after every 1 hour of "play time". When in break the zombies don't act, they just mindlessly stay right where they are and don't attack even if the player walks right past them.

Anw that's roughly the rules I could remember being told or coming up with after some play time myself? It's like a survival game. Now it's time to join the game.

I woke up in a strange place, not my bed but out in the middle of the street, and immediately got attacked : D

Welp somehow I escaped and ran to a toilet to hide. I think it was 9 p.m, the sky is dark, there were only stars, no moon, but the electricity still works. No weapon, only clothes, somehow I just know my significant other isn't here, and no point trying to find him.

There are a bunch of little details and kinds of stuff happening throughout my journey, mostly related to my irl friends so I won't mention it. I struggled and was scared like hell but still managed to not hurt any "zombies" who attacked me, at least not too much in case they can turn back... bla bla, normal survival game content. But there's something... strange.

I noticed there was ONE particular zombie who keeps appearing wherever I went. It's not noticeable at first. I ran quietly and hid in the dark then looked out, and stole some glances, to know if it was safe to keep going. And I noticed. That one pale, quiet, long-haired zombie, idly moved with the crowd and always turned its head to look somewhere away from me. It looks like a woman and moves painfully slow compared to other zombies. It's eerily.

I kept seeing it everywhere I went. School, park, shopping mall,... every time it stood somewhere closer to my hiding spot than the last time a little. I don't remember if I thought any of it, I just knew it's kinda there.

But by the time I can see its face I immediately knew it was bad new : D

It was when I ran into a school toilet' room. It's a small space with one lockable door and one small window that leads directly to the empty backyard. I thought I could lock the front door to hide, and if anything happens I can climb the window to escape to the backyard.

But then I saw it : D That fucking pale zombie was wandering in the backyard alone. Normally it walks in the crowd, but this time it just loitering alone around the dark, empty yard. It paused and started heading to the window I was standing, and when it was close enough I finally saw its face.

Its face was blurred. White, almost glowing, mosaic blurred upper half, and I can only see its bright red lips constantly chanting something I can not hear. Its body crumbled and tattered like paper. It's like a flat, flap of paper with a fucking 3D red mouth. It kept chanting and starting to move faster, smiling too. Holy-

I lose my shit and immediately scramble to the front door to open it. That's when I realized that the door' lock was broken. There was a slash, like an axe slash, that made an agape hole in the door and broke the lock. I didn't see it when I enter the toilet.

I was frightened and heard something behind my back and looked back and thought that pale zombie had approached the window and trying to break it and crawl in and and

But it wasn't there : D

The yard is pitch black and silent. I was dumbfounded for some good minutes as my heart tried to calm down. I peeked, then opened the window and leaned outside to make sure and the pale zombie was nowhere to be found.

I stood still for a minute and finally calmed down, so I turned around to look at the front door and the gap in it closer only to see this.

MF was poking its head through the gap in the door but I fainted.

And then I woke up for real : D

No sweating no goose bump no anything, but the image of that fucking pale white mosaic-eyes creature is so disturbing it kinda getting on my nerves. And I'm home alone.

Gosh...........

[dragoneyes618]

“From the river to the sea…”

Let’s talk about such a scenario in which Israel is erased.

7:00 a.m.: You wake up and try to unlock your iPhone to read email, but it won’t unlock.

Why? Because Face ID is Israeli tech. It was invented by PrimeSense, and acquired by Apple.

7:30 a.m.: Before heading to work, you go into your garden to make sure your grass is being watered.

Nope, can’t use drip irrigation. That’s an Israeli invention.

8:00 a.m.: You get into your car and try to turn on Waze so you can know where there is traffic.

It won’t open because Waze is Israeli.

8:30 a.m.: On the way to work, you almost lose control of your car because it didn’t notify you that you were swerving out of your lane.

That’s because Mobileye is based in Jerusalem.

9:00 a.m.: “Fine,” you say to yourself, “I don’t need Waze or Mobileye anyway. Soon my car will be autonomous.”

Nope. Innoviz is Israeli.

9:30 a.m.: You get to work and get ready to have your first meeting on Microsoft Teams. It won’t work.

All the AI on Teams? Built in Herzliya.

10:00 a.m.: You try to use your USB thumb drive on your computer. No go.

Thumb drives (a.k.a. flash drives or memory sticks) were invented by Dov Moran at Msystems, and acquired by SanDisk.

11:00 a.m.: You need to access some classified information but it’s behind a firewall. No way around it.

Firewall technology? Invented in Israel.

12:00 p.m.: You look out your office window and the sky is so beautiful, you want to take a photo.

Nope. Smartphone dual lens technology was invented by Israeli company Corephotonics.

1:00 p.m.: You have a lot of work to do. You fire up your PC but it won’t boot up.

Is it running on an Intel processor? Oh, yeah, that was designed in Israel.

2:00 p.m.: You’re getting really frustrated. Nothing is working! So you turn to Google, but even that won’t work.

Google builds many of its products in Tel Aviv.

3:00 p.m.: You decide to FaceTime your wife to vent your frustrations. Why won’t it work?!

Because voice over IP was invented in Israel.

3:30 p.m.: You’re really losing patience, so you go to your favorite instant messenger program to speak to a friend.

Nope, instant messaging was invented in Israel.

4:00 p.m.: You give up and decide to focus on work exclusively – you need to build a website.

Sorry, Wix is Israeli. You can’t use it.

5:00 p.m.: You get a call from your doctor. He wants you to come in because he saw something troubling in your last check-up. He wants to use the PillCam.

You have to inform him that’s a no-go. That’s Israeli tech.

6:00 p.m.: Since your car is unreliable, you decide to take public transportation. But your Moovit app won’t load for some reason.

It’s Israeli.

6:30 p.m.: You decide to do some shopping for a new car because it’s time to go electric.

Sorry. Better Place CEO Shai Agassi pioneered the infrastructure for electric cars in 2012.

7:00 p.m.: You get a call with bad news – your relative was recently diagnosed with cancer. He needs your help finding the best treatment.

Unfortunately, you can’t help him because many of the leading cancer treatments were developed in Israel by companies like Novocure and Vascular Biogenics.

8:00 p.m.: You’ve had a hard day and just want to chill out in front of your social media feeds. But none of your feeds will load.

Meta, parent company of Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp, has many offices in Israel.

9:00 p.m.: Time for a late dinner. You want to prepare alternative meats or dairy products.

Your supermarket doesn’t sell them, however, because Redefine Meat and Remilk are Israeli startups.

10:30 p.m.: You decide to read your book, but you can’t find your glasses anywhere.

That’s because you bought them on GlassesUSA, an Israeli company.

11:00 p.m.: Your last resort: Watch some TV. Wait – your Samsung TV won’t turn on!

Samsung has many offices in Israel, including Samsung Next, a fund that invests in tech.

You go to sleep and hope tomorrow will be a better day.

Here, try this new rhyme instead: “From the river to the sea, if Israel is gone, what will be with me?!”

[worryingthing]

I got a 9 to 5 (well, 8 to 6 with commute) and I've been struggling with the overall change. It's hard to stay positive in this current climate, and I feel like I am going insane every time I glance at social media or the news. But I guess having a gig means I'm busy, or at least occupied, which is helpful as much as I resent it. Life in Queens is great but everything does still feel a little foreign and far off. The weather being so dramatic has not helped either, I am very unhappy about having to pull out my tights and sift through which pairs have holes or can still be worn (70% had holes and Uniqlo stopped making their heat tech tights in Navy - guess I'll die, etc).

Anyway, I can feel my spirit being worn down by office lighting, small talk, k cups, how absolutely shitty the R train is, and people having speakerphone conversations on the bus and train at 8 a.m. All of it. So I wanted to return to a practice of gratitude to remind me to maybe stave off a little despair. I was really enjoying my tarot pulls when my life had a lot more uncertainty (does he like me? turns out, yes!! Will I ever get a job? Yeah, but now it's my whole life and I am always tired) Anyway in an act of anger at me for being gone from my home for most of the day now, Leelou (one of my cats) threw up on my tarot deck! A card or two is worse for the wear and I haven't decided if I am going to replace it or try to keep working with it just yet.

anyway!

I found a good smash burger in the neighborhood!! Petey's. It's perfect. The relief I feel at having discovered this is immense.

also food (I'm a Taurus?!) but I went to King of Falafel after hopping off the 30th ave stop. Sam had pointed it out to me when we walked to the train and it had a 15-minute wait so we walked a little further and he pointed out some things I hadn't seen since I live off a different stop. The falafel was probably the best I've ever had and it was beautiful to stand in a Palestinian restaurant so proud of its heritage. There was a wait for pita so I waited and was rewarded with a bonus piece, which was so warm and fluffy and heavenly to tear into on my walk back home. I will definitely be going back.

Access Oasis Garden, which my friend Kate founded. Right now we're focused on showing the Parks department and community that we're committed as a group so on Saturday I got to be a part of some bulb planting. To put something in the ground as a gift for future enjoyment is so rewarding, and signifies a deep hope, I feel. I am so astounded by how quickly things have moved and I can't wait to see it grow further. I also got to make some new friends, who ended up coming to the soup event at the beer hall after the planting was done. It was a really beautiful day of community!

Good hugs from friends! getting to share in the joy of a friend's good news.

Sam, who is so understanding and gentle and thoughtful. I'm still like, wait what, is this real? It turns out I am all about clear communication and intent! It's great!

Becoming emboldened re: work snacks, speaking of it is almost time for me to sneak some hummus at my desk. Sometimes on my lunch, I browse the dollar store candy section just to amuse myself, which is how I ended up with a desk drawer full of tootsie rolls.

Radio.Garden. I do sometimes browse the map endlessly, and I love to visit the station websites! I have found a few stations that originated as in-hospital or nursing home stations but graduated to internet broadcasts. Many stations I stumble upon are community-founded, which I love to see because I find the idea of radio of course extremely romantic, but also hopeful. It is also a perfect tool if you're not sure what you want to listen to - which happens to me a lot as someone who experiences intense decision paralysis. There's a station on the west coast of France that plays classical before lunch and jazz after. I began my work morning with AshiyaRadio, a Japanese jazz station.

for some reason, my rosacea goes nuts at work (I turn pink when dehydrated) but I bought this mini Tower 28 rescue spray and it seems to help a little, plus I like how refreshing it feels. Let me just anoint my visage real quick in this office hell space, etc

Tears of the Kingdom - which is soooo immense it's overwhelming but I have been enjoying dropping in and trying to further along my journey with various side quests. It's a perfect game to just meander around in, every last detail is stunning. I should remind myself I can take my switch on my work commute!!

Seemingly breezing through a lot of big changes with minimal anxiety?? I have been complaining a lot about how exhausted I've been but it's my fourth week and I had to learn/memorize A LOT the first two, so now it's slightly more routine and less overwhelming. I had one crying meltdown during the height of my period and missed a group of friends out, but I am pretty sure I needed that cry and it was unavoidable.

I know what's for dinner (the relief!): the half package of pumpkin ravioli I splurged on from the store and half a head of broccoli. I finish both in sage brown butter, toasted breadcrumbs, parmesan, and lemon. Still have to figure out a work lunch, though ):

Sometimes it's really hard to tell if these sorts of things are even worth posting or just too navel-gazy, but I stuck with it and I'm posting and my outlook on life does feel improved, surprisingly. I'm also not in talk therapy because how can that even happen with my new schedule? So writing it out it is.

[the-story-forge]

⚠️Warning this story has extreme graphic adult content, viewer discretion is advised! ⚠

Chapter 2 - Rose

The Sparrow landed on the fire escape outside his apartment and opened the window slipping in and shutting it behind him. Removing his mask and hood, he became the ordinary nobody, 22-year-old citizen, Eric Dror.

Eric's apartment was small, one bedroom, one bathroom. The size didn't matter to him, it was what he could barely afford, and he was almost never there anyways. Eric's nights consisted of cleaning up the city of its filth, his mornings consisted of trying to sleep for a few hours and typically failing, and afternoons were spent at a job working 7 Eleven for minimum wage table scraps.

“The sun is rising; you are hardly going to get any sleep.” Eric muttered to himself, he took off his backpack, and hoodie falling onto his bed shutting his eyes, not bothering to worry about it.

------

6 silhouettes, a knife made of ebony, golden beams of light burst from his eyes and burst the skulls of screaming people open, blood and brains dripped onto the ground as innocent people died and the world cracked apart. It was overwhelming. He thrashed in his sleep and his eyes snapped open.

------

“No!” He screamed and bolted up right in bed.

“Fuck,” he rubbed his forehead and fumbled for his phone to check the time, 5:30 a.m. Eric wiped his eyes, noticing he had slept with the black eye makeup on again and had gotten it on his sheets. He sighed and got up to go shower, if he couldn’t sleep, he would at least spend his time productively before he had to go into work.

The shower was warm, it drenched his dirty bruised and scarred skin in a clean reset that temporarily acted as pleasurable. The water ran down his head, over his face and trickled down his abs. Eric flipped his hair back and let the thoughts creep in. The cult died 3 years ago. Was she returning? Eric stepped out of the shower drying off, taking a look at the injuries he received from the night before.

Eric threw on a jacket and stored away The Sparrow's suit underneath his mattress. He then closed the door of his apartment and locked it behind him. He figured he would head for the café downtown. It was open 24/7 and nobody was likely to be around this early that cared enough to bother him.

------

“The Cult of the Dragon, antiwar assassination clan mass arrest made possible due to Midnight City vigilante known as "The Sparrow.” Eric thumbed over the news clip from three years ago. It did impress him how quickly the myth of The Sparrow spread over such a little amount of time. It was for sure better than the other name the news had called him.

“Ready to order?” A voice startled him out of his thoughts.

“Coffee,” he begrudgingly answered, not bothering to look up from his laptop.

"Coffee for the mysterious man in the corner booth, got it any cream or sugar honey?"

Eric turned to look at her catching his breath in his throat. She was beautiful. Blonde hair and oceanic blue eyes. He was speechless as she took the menu from him.

“Uh black please,” Eric stuttered.

“One black coffee coming up,” she winked, and his heart lurched in his chest. He shook his head focusing back in and tried to get back to research.

The television in the diner had a story on, a news report about a sinkhole that had formed in the arctic, the voice of the reporter provided good ambience for Eric as he clicked through his records.

“Officials are unsure what has caused the sinkhole, the expedition team sent down to investigate has not returned, and experts fear the worst is yet to come,” the reporter shifted around her papers and the headlines changed.

“In local news their have been numerous reports of gunshots at the abandoned Midnight City library, M.C.P.D. has yet to comment on whether or not an investigation is taking place,” the television changed to the chief of police Hoss Dogmann.

“Look if someone ends up dead they end up dead and we investigate until then we cant go in guns blazing on a mere chance!” Hoss grinned, his yellow stained teeth shining like the fraud him and his department are. Eric tried not to pay attention to him because it only angered him how awful and crooked The Dog was.

Eric thumbed through the old report he had done on the cult’s leader, Mckenna Moore. He thought back to the last time he had seen her, stopping the cult three years ago. Eric rubbed his forehead feeling a headache pulse against his skull.

“I don't understand,” Eric whispered under his breath.

“Understand what?” Rose interrupted his thoughts, coffee in hand.

“Oh uh nothing,” he took the coffee from her.

She glanced at his screen seeing the article.

“Are you a fan of The Sparrow?” She asked.

“A friend,” he lied.

“A friend hm?” She teased him probably suspecting that he was lying.

"How about tomorrow morning, I come over to your place and you tell me about your friend and you?" Rose’s eyes sparkled and Eric felt the feeling in his heart, a sickness and he longed for her.

“Rose, get to work!” The cook yelled from the kitchen interrupting the moment, not allowing time for him to respond or think at all. Rose blushed and rushed back to the kitchen.

Eric then realized something. How could someone like him love? He should at least humour her and let her down easily.

Something about her smile and those eyes, those perfect eyes moved something deep within him something he desired to explore. Eric closed the article and took a look at the receipt.

“Damn it.” He took a pen and scribbled his address onto the receipt leaving it with her tip money.

Written by Phoenix Rose

Characters and Story Created by Phoenix Rose

A Story Forge Production

[nathank77]

5/5/24

6:23 a.m

So I beat bully I have 95% out of 100% I feel thats low for everything I completed... but we will see I still got more to do but not much.....

Anyways I've been thinking about the weed and the visual hallucination thing. I'm scared. Once a hallucination becomes frequent it eventually never stops.

Maybe during microsleep October, I was having visuals like a black dot for a second out of my peripheral bc of the weed. Those calmed down a lot... I def feel I had them in November before I quit weed and a little bit past that.

The scariest thing I experienced when I didn't sleep for 4 days was- a stuffed bear out of my peripheral vision. It disappeared rapidly.

Anyways idk what to do cause I stopped smoking weed at 1 a.m and then I started to panic while I played idk if the voice put it in my head or it was a combo of what I wrote before since I'm overanalyzing.

For one I wear glasses. They are an obstruction. They are metal and shiny. And obv the lenses get dirty and have specks and smears of oily finger prints sometimes. Always specks... from washing them.

This obstruction on my face I wear causes me to see the sides of the arms in my vision at almost all times. I see the frames around my eyes. And sometimes if the lights hit the lenses or arms right they catch light... although I can't dispute the black dot or whatever bc its not peripheral vision, it's center.

However we blink, light catches my glasses, my lenses, the arms. 50% to more of what I think I have been seeing could 100% be a blink with a light catching the metal or the lenses....

I took one hit. I might take a few more before bed as I mean taking the hit made me feel more calm... however I'm still scared. I mean if I was to get schizophrenia and suffer from visuals... I mean wouldn't it have went full force in October when I was sleep deprived and even in November. I mean the psych ward. Etc...

I mean that trauma all of that. Idk.

Maybe I should take it easy. It really improves my mood and makes me feel happier and makes the day feel less like, "let's get through it and see if tomorrow is another worthless hallucination day." Today was fun until I started to panic about it.

Taking the hit and writing right now made it feel better but like at the moment I moved my vision from my phone to my closet and as I moved my vision back to my phone I saw like a light but I also saw my glasses arms... so I mean how much of this is anxiety and this obstruction causing little things when I blink and me freaking out about it bc I can't afford to have this get worse.

I don't want to lose everything i was before this. I don't want to ruin my progress towards my recovery. I just want to sleep.

I see three solutions:

1) stop entirely

2) tone down how much I smoke and how often basically smoke more around bed time or every 2-4 hours.... or just do it before bed. I obviously have to consider does it really help me sleep...

3) take it day by day and stop having anxiety about it unless it starts to happen a little more. I feel like it happened a lot today more times then I can count but I mean if I shift my vision and blink thats when it happens 90% of the time.

Considering I have this obstruction on my face how much of it is just a blink and the light catching on them?

It's happened more times then I can count. Maybe 14 times. I mean idk. I'm scared but I really want to sleep and treat my ptsd. I feel more alive. More Nathan.

I briefly dissociated for like 35 seconds but it was like 2 hours after smoking. That happens sometimes. It wasn't really happening before the weed.

How much does a mental picture at the time of the blink with the glasses make a difference? I blink and look over and dart my vision, and I see a brief light, were my eyes closed?

Mental images are weird. They can be a red light, a flash and they can look like they are right in front of you or on the side of you.

So I don't fucking know. Maybe I'm just being hyper vigilant about it bc I'm having anxiey.

Is a black floater which can absolutely be the retina with a slight tear aka floaters just be a medical thing? I didn't see them much before the weed... but I didn't a lot until like March... just not constantly.

Idk I worried taking the hit would make me more anxious but it made me less anxious but I'm still worried.

It won't go from 50 to 100 in a day or two.

Maybe just smoking for bed time a couple hours before and when I wake up, to go back to sleep. I don't fucking know.

[deadnightcoffeetime]

The Monster Of Willow Creek (Tales Of Horror Segment 2) (COPY RIGHT) Page 13

“Umm…I got you these.”, said Alyana. Leon looks, as she hands him the pastry, and candy. “I know you really love Hostess snowballs, and Twizzlers. I couldn’t decide which one to get you, so, I got you both.”, said Alyana. “Oh…Thank you…”, said Leon. The gang leaves the A.M./P.M. gas station.

The daylight is almost over. It’s 5:30 p.m., the sun is setting, but there’s a little light left. The gang is almost to their destination. “Hey, look, we’re almost there.”, said Eric. “.it’s about damn time. My legs are falling asleep.”, said Isaac. “How much further? I gotta use the restroom.”, said Steven. “One more mile. Can you hold it?”, said Eric. “Yeah.”, said Steven. Becky and Michelle are using their phones, to be entertained and occupied. Leon is reading a book, having a twizzler hanging from his mouth. And Alyana is napping, and looking comfortable. Glimpse of her two previous dreams occurs. The first glimpse was being chased through the woods. The second glimpse was the monster’s silhouette running towards her. She’s awkward by Leon. “We’re almost there.”, said Leon. “Okay.”, said Alyana. The gang arrives at Willow’s Creek National Forest Inn. “Wow, there’s like a lot of trees, here.”, said Steven. “Duh. We’re at a national forest.”, said Becky. “Well, could’ve fooled me.”, said Steven. The truck passes by a sign so fast, that Alyana couldn’t read it. The truck stops in front of the check in building to register. “Okay, I’m going in to register, you guys can stretch for a bit.”, said Eric. “Oh, thank the fuck Christ!”, said Isaac. The whole gang exits the truck, Eric goes to register, and the gang stretches. Alyana goes to see the sign, wondering what is this forest called. Eric enters the building and approaches to the counter, he rings the bell, letting the person know, that someone is there. A voice speaks out. “I’m coming, hold up!”. A middle aged man exits out a room. “Welcome to the Six Rivers National Forest Inn. How can I help you?”, said the Inn keeper. “Thank you! And yes, I’m Eric Mason, and I reserved cabin here for a week.”, said Eric. “Ah, yes! Will you hold on for a minute? I got to double check.”, said the iInn keeper. “Sure.”, said Eric. Back outside, Alyana approaches towards the sign.the sigh is difficult to read, due to deterioration, scratches, and bird residue. Some of the letters are even missing. All she see is, “WELC M T SI I ERS N TI NA OR S I N.” She’s annoyed. “Great…!”: said Alyana. Back in the building, Eric is still waiting. “All right, you’re in the system. Here’s the key. You and your fellas are in cabin 15. The cabin has 3 rooms,1 bathroom, a kitchen, and a patio with a table bench. The beds are queen size, so big enough for 2 people. And a TV set. And by the way, there’s the creek, just about 10 minutes away from you cabin. Just incase, if you and your fellas want to fish, or whatever.”, said the Inn Keeper. “Oh, okay. Thanks for the heads up. Oh, by any chance, does it a barbecue griller?”, said Eric. “No. You’d have to provide your own.”, said the Inn Keeper. Eric replies, as he grabs the key. “Well, good thing I brought my own. Anyway, thank you.”, said Eric. “As he leaves the building, the Inn keeper speaks out. “Enjoy your stay!”. “Will do!”, said Eric. He exits the building, as the Inn keeper goes back to the room. Eric yells out. “EVERYONE, BACK IN THE TRUCK!! I GOT THE KEY!!”. Alyana walk back towards the truck, as the others are goin in. Alyana approaches and enters the truck, she then closes the door. The gang drives off, heading to the cabin. Halfway towards the cabin, from the woods, the monster’s black and white vision sees the truck diving, it follows the truck. The truck arrives at cabin 15 parking the truck close to the cabin. It’s an ordinary big cabin. In the monster’s black and white vision, it sees the gang exiting the car, stalking its preys from behind the trees and thick bushes. “Finally!”, said Isaac. “Wow, this forest scene looks beautiful.”, said Becky. “I know, tell me about it. Nature is really beautiful.”, said Michelle.

[dougrobyngoold]

Acropolis Tour - Athens, Greece

Today we visited the Acropolis with a wonderful tour guide, Nikos. We met up with him and 3 other couples at the Acropolis Metro Station at 9:15 a.m. - we commuted in on the tram from our apartment out on the coast (where I panicked and got off the tram at the wrong station, almost leaving Doug behind, but we recovered and made our way to our destination via Google Maps). Anyway, we arrived at the meet-up location in plenty of time. We started our tour at the Theater of Dionysos, but let me just say that looking up at the wall surrounding the Acropolis from the base is pretty impressive.

These marble slabs cover the waterway that was used for small boat performances in the Dionysos Theater. The waterway is dry now, that is why it is covered with the slabs.

Throne seating for each god - the current priest or priestess for each god was seated in the designated thrown for performances.

Beautiful scrolling on one of many pieces that cover the ground around the Acropolis.

Corinthian-style pillar cap.

Temple of Asklepios - this is a picture of the Doric Stoa portion of the temple. It served as a “mortuary” for the overnight stays of patients, who were miraculously healed by the god through their dreams.

The Promenade - the arched areas served as shop locations.

The Odeion - the seating portion has been restored, but the walls and part of the stage are original. Musical performances are scheduled during summer and fall months.

Our tour guide, Nikos, at the base of the Propylaea (gate) to the Acropolis.

In the middle of this picture, is Mars Rock, aka hill of Ares or Areopagus, the Apostle Paul gave a sermon from this location. There is a lot of history around this rock, but that was the story we were told.

Monument of Agriopa, located just below the gate.

Entering the gate.

Looking back through the gate - yes, it was crowded and I did the best I could to get photos!

Looking back at the gate - so many people!

The Erechtheion.

Another view of the Erechtheion.

The Korai (or Caryatids) on the Erechtheion. These are replicas, 5 of the originals are in the Acropolis Museum, 1 is in London.

Pillars on the Parthenon - incredible.

The Parthenon.

Dionysos, relaxing on the top of the Parthenon. He was the “god of wine-making, orchards and fruit, vegetation, fertility, festivity, insanity, ritual madness, religious ecstasy (?), and theater.” No wonder he is placed in a reclining position - busy guy!

Temple of Athena Nike.

The Acropolis and its Slopes were a lot to take in, but it was spectacular. We were glad that we opted to due a guided tour - there is so much to see and to absorb, we were grateful to have Nikos to educate us on what we were seeing. We exited to Acropolis and went over to check out the Monastiraki area, where we stopped and to rest and have lunch at an outdoor cafe.

Doug, upset with me, because I made him stop eating so that I could take a picture of our first Greek meal. It was delicious!

We walked through the Plaka neighborhood - so beautiful, but also very chaotic. Foot and motorized traffic on very narrow streets - it is quite disturbing, yet everyone appears to safely navigate the tight spaces with aplomb!

Our last stop of the day, the Acropolis Museum. We wandered around and got overwhelmed by all of the antiquities - it is a magnificent museum. Doug took a nap during the showing of the film in the museum theater (this is an expected occurrence when we visit museums). We visited the remainder of the museum before making our way back to the tram station and heading back to our apartment. It was a very full day!

Impressive lion pediment from the Temple of Athena.

The 5 original Korai.

Incredible, the paint is still present on this pediment.

Great day in Athens!

[simpforhoon]

just you. (p.js) *ೃ༄

pairing: soft dom! jay × female reader

genre: smut, fluff, soulmate au! kind of angsty it has a happy ending I swear (praise, making out, protected sex, oral (f-receiving)).

summary: in a world where everyone gets the name of their soulmate tattooed on their wrists when they turn 18, finding out your best friend is your soulmate was not how you planned your 18th birthday to go. now, what’s so bad about that you might ask? you see, jay despises the thought of soulmates. but maybe he doesn’t despise them so much when it comes to you.

please note, this work is purely that of fiction. and not meant to represent what the enhypen members are like in real life.

A/N: guys no why am I so soft,, anyway I’ve been wanting to write this for a while now, so I hope you enjoy!! and I'm reposting this now, as this didnt get a lot of notes on my old account cause of all the reporting and stuff!

word count: 3.4k

warnings: mentions of heartbreak, crying, mentions of food.

1 week ago

you bit your nails as you paced up and down your room, a nervous habit you’d picked up in your junior year of high school whilst dealing with the tremendous stress and pressure school put on you. well lucky for you, you had graduated now and your 18th birthday was just around the corner. specifically, exactly a week from now.

your best friend jay sat on your bed staring at you with amusement written all over his face as he quietly observed you, before moving up to stop you and pull your hands away from your face. “you’re going to wear yourself out” he mumbled softly, pulling you to sit next to him and rubbing your shoulder in a comforting manner.

“I know I know, I’m just nervous, what if they’re all the way on the other side of the world? or even worse, what if they’re someone I know??” the panicked expression on your face was seemingly too much for jay to handle as before you knew it, he had almost rolled off your bed, laughing his ass off at you.

you see, your “dearest” best friend jay never believed in soulmates. he himself never actually got a name on his wrist, a sign that his soulmate had not reached the age to get theirs. to say he was ecstatic would be an understatement as he was at a party that very night, hooking up with a random girl before going over to your house the next morning with a massive hangover and a sullen expression.

it hurt you to see him that way, hooking up with random people, praying that he wouldnt run into his soulmate. and it hurt even more when you thought of how his soulmate was probably so excited to meet him even if they didn’t know him yet.

if only you knew where you would be a week later, wishing it was you who never met him.

present day

the time on your phone read 11:57, and jay had shown up to your house at exactly 11:30, punctual as always, giving up his usual saturday night parties to spend the night before your special day with you instead. he held your hand in his, one thumb running up and down the expanse of your knuckles soothingly, the only thing grounding you in the tense moments before what was basically the biggest moment of your life. your eyes never met his once, only flickering from the clock to your wrist every few seconds, almost as if it would appear before time if you stared long enough.

12:00 a.m.

it was almost as if everything stopped in that moment as the words appeared on your skin. the crickets stopped chirping, that one car alarm outsode your house stopped beeping and both you and Jay stopped breathing, even if it was just for a few seconds. one by one, letter by letter, black ink slowly trailed up the soft skin on your clean wrist, marking your skin for the rest of eternity. you watched with bated breath as tbe letters curved their way into your skin, into your soul.

“P-A-R-K” looks like your soulmate would have the same last name as your best friend. “J-O-N-” that was when the realisation of what was about to happen dawned upon you. “no, no, no, no” was all you could think. “this wasn’t supposed to happen”

meeting jay’s eyes for a split second, you could see the shock on his face, the same shock you knew was written all over your face at that very moment. yanking your hand out of his warmer one, you stared at the 2 words displayed on your wrist. “park jongseong” you whispered as a one lone tear ran down your cheek, falling to you chin before disappearing into the soft material of your sweater.

this prompted jay to push up his own sleeve, the words that seem to have appeared on his wrist confirmed what you both already knew by that point. jay park, your best friend since you were 5, your rock, your everything, was your soulmate. if the situation were anything but this, you would have been jumping for joy, ecstatic that your soulmate was the man you’d grown up with your whole life. but unfortunately, that was not the case.

“_______” he whispered, voice hoarse as he held your hand in his again. gripping it tightly this time so you wouldn’t be able to let go this time. not that you wanted to anyway. “jay” you whispered back, attempting to smile at him, despite the tears that were threatening to overflow at any moment. “I-I need time to think” he said, so softly, his eyes full of nothing but remorse. “I understand jay, take your time, don’t rush okay?” you replied, squeezing his hand in reassurance. he wistfully smiled at you one last time as he pushed himself off your bed and walked out of your bedroom, closing the door with a small ‘click’, leaving you alone in the darkness of your room, mind racing and wondering what were you were going to do with this newfound information.

you fell asleep after much tossing and turning, your mind full of nothing but jay and his name that was now tattooed into the inside of your wrist. you were woken up by the bright smile of your parents, you mother holding a plate of pancakes and wishing you a happy birthday. the sight alone was enough to make you burst into tears as you wrapped your arms around her, seeking her familiar scent and comfort after the rough night you had. your parents seemed shocked, but did not press you to open up, wrapping their arms around you as they attempted to comfort you.

your mom was no foolish woman, as she seems to have caught on to what was bothering you on your special day. “its about your soulmate isn’t it?” she asked as she placed a glass of your favourite chocolate smoothie in front of you, wiping her hands on her apron. you looked up at her, disbelief written all over your face as she chuckled at you. “how did you know?” you asked as she smiled slyly at you. “I have my ways, and besides, I’m your mother” she replied with a wink. you groaned, dramatically resting your head on the counter as she laughed and gave in. “I saw jay walk out of your room last night with tears streaming down his face, and considering you woke up crying too, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what went down there”.

“you should talk it out with him sweetie, he’s not just your soulmate, he’s your best friend. despite how he feels about this whole fate thing, I’m sure the both of you will be okay.” her words reassured you as you grabbed your backpack, and walked through your front door. not even 2 minutes later you heard the biggest scream and you were tackled into a hug. giggling, you wrapped your arms around the taller boy as he squeezed you tightly. “happy birthday ______!” he said as he let go of you and continued your walk to school. “thanks sunoo” you said, smiling at the younger boy who had the biggest grin on his face.

“soooooo” he began, looking at you with an expectant expression on his face. you pursed your lips, already predicting the question that was due to escape his mouth any second from now. “jay” you said, cutting him off before he could even open his mouth. “JAY?!?!!?” he said, a little too loudly, mouth agape as he processed the information. you shrugged as he linked his arm with yours, understanding that you didnt want to talk about it.

luckily, no one pressed you about your soulmate for the rest of the day, warded off by sunoo’s glare the moment they looked like they were going to ask. you sat next to jay in all your classes, the atmosphere tense and awkward between the two of you. everyone seemed to have figured our what happened by that alone, your normally boisterous voices muted and soft. you went out after school with sunoo and riki, your mood heightened by the laughs and jokes of the two bickering boys.

when you got home, the house was eerily quiet, your parents nowhere in sight, all the lights turned off save the one in your living room. and there on the sleek grey sofa sat Jay, looking down at his hands as he anxiously played around with the rings he always wore. your footsteps alerted him of your presence, as he shot up off your sofa to greet you with a crooked smile on his face, black hair sticking up in every direction.

you smiled at him, already preparing yourself for the worst, as he walked towards you. “your parents have gone out, they handed me the keys and told me to come and talk to you if I wanted, and-” he cut himself off in the middle of his sentence, taking a deep breath and holding your hand. here goes nothing he thought. “I want to try. this whole soulmate thing I mean. maybe i wouldnt be this way if it was anyone else, but it’s you, my best friend, and I don’t want to lose you.” he mumbled out the last part, but it was still clear enough for you to hear. you couldn’t help the smile that stretched across your face at his words, his own face breaking out into a grin at your expression. you reached up on your tippy toes to wrap your arms around his neck as his hands went around your waist.

he buried his face in your hair, your soft vanilla scent calming his racing heart, and that was when he realised how much you really meant to him. he loved when you would always being him snacks after soccer practice, he loved when you let him lay his head on your lap and you ran your hands through his hair, he loved seeing the expressions you made when you ate his food, he loved you.

“I made something for you” he said, pulling away from your embrace, leading you to your kitchen and making you sit down on the counter. he grabbed a plate of your favourite pasta and a fork before lifting up a mouthful and holding it out to feed it to you. you smiled, wrapping your lips around the fork as the flavours exploded in your mouth. “oh my gosh, this is good, you’ve really outdone yourself.” he smiled at the complement before pressing a kiss to your cheek and muttering a little “happy birthday love”, leaving your face feeling hot and an uncontrollable smile on your face.

the rest of the evening went by in hin feeding you food and taking a few notes of it himself, lots of little cheek kisses, before the two of you settled down on the couch to watch a movie. it seemed like jay had gotten over his awkwardness as he pulled you to sit between his legs the moment the movie started. you looked back at him in shock, wondering when he got so bold before he pressed a kiss to your lips and told you to focus on the screen.

it might not have been the perfect first kiss, but it was with jay and that was enough. he played with your hair throughout the movie, and moved it aside at one point, pressing little kisses along the expanse of your neck. it was when he landed his lips on one particular spot that you let out a little noise, one you never even knew you could make that made him sit up a little straighter.

it was almost as if a switch flipped within him as he tightened his grip around your waist, one hand slipping up your hoodie to caress the skin near your waist. “I didn’t know you could make such pretty noises baby” he whispered in your ear, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine. “well i didn’t know i could either” you whispered back, the realisation of what was about to happen making your body feel like it was on fire.

“are you sure you want this? we don’t have to do anything you dont want to sweetheart” he said, pulling away with a kiss to your cheek. you shifted so that you were facing him, legs wrapped around his waist and you reached your hands up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. “I’m sure jay, theres no one I’d rather do this with than you.” that was all the affirmation he needed, as within seconds you were being dragged to your bedroom by an overexcited jay.

he pressed you up against your room door, hands coming up to lift your thighs and wrap them around his waist, your core meeting his very obvious bulge. taking advantage of the gasp that left you, he allowed his tongue to skip into your mouth, taking control of every aspect of the kiss. pulling away, he brought you to your bed, gently letting you down onto the mattress, and reaching up to pull your hoodie off you.

“so beautiful” he whispered as he reached behind you to pull your bra off, before lifting his own arms to pull his own shirt off, leaving his body on display for you. just for you. he reached down to tug one of your nipples into his mouth, gently sucking and wrapping his tongue around the sensitive bud, his actions leaving your mouth open in a silent moan.

within minutes, both of you were left completely naked as jay continued to trail his lips down your body, pressing little kisses to your inner thigh before his mouth finally met your core, the smallest motion of his lips leaving you breathless and squirming. “stay still sweetheart, good girls don’t move around so much”. his words sent vibrations spreading throughout your body, not doing anything to help with the heat that was coursing through your veins.

his tongue delved in and out of your dripping hole, one of his hands rubbing your clit while the other held your legs open for him. “jay- i- I’m gonna-” but he was gone the moment the words fell from your mouth. and he was a sight to see. your juices mixed with his, drool and spit dripped down his chin, as he ran his tongue over his lips with a smirk on his face.

“oh so the baby wants to cum? don’t worry love, I’m going to make you feel so good”. he reached into his jacket and pulled out a condom before rolling it on and lining himself I with your entrance. he grasped your chin gently, pulling you up to look at him and planting a loving kiss on your lips. “I love you so much sweetheart, so so much” he whispered, pulling away from your lips. “I love you too jay” you said back, watching as he smiled once, before intertwining your hands and then, pushing himself into you.

nothing had ever felt as good in that moment as he gently, softly pushed himself inside. the feeling was euphoric, having your soulmate inside you in such an intimate manner. your bodies moulding together perfectly, bursts of colour lighting up the back of your eyelids as your eyes closed at the feeling of him in you. he began thrusting in and out of you slowly, not wanting to hurt you. but at your signal, he began moving faster, groans and moans escaping both your lips, finding pleasure and love in each other.

it didn’t take long for you to reach your high at all, his length hitting you in all the right places, leading you to ride out your high much faster than you expected, jay following soon after. he finished inside the condom, reaching out to pull it off and throw it away, before walking to your bathroom and grabbing a wet cloth to clean you up with.

he was greeted with the sight of your tired smile as he returned, gently cleaning you before tossing the rag and gathering you up in his arms, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “does this mean you’re mine now?” he asked, reaching down to bury his head in your hair, his hands absent-mindedly tracing shapes and figures on your bare shoulder. “it does if it means you’re mine too”. he smiled at your response, pulling the blanket over the two of you as you drifted off to sleep in the arms of the one person who would stay with you forever.

thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed and I hope you drank enough water today! ♡♡♡

[lepusrufus]

Double edged scalpel ch.6

ch.1 ch.2 ch.3 ch.4 ch.5

Summary: It's backstory time!

Mandatory warning since this is not a usual thing on my blog so I think a separate warning would be useful, there will be talk of past abuse and alcohol abuse.

----

"Wakey wakey," came the gruff voice from just outside her bedroom door.

It was slightly muffled but more than enough to make her jolt awake, muscle memory taking over the remnants of sleep. She only had one minute to be out the door. It was more than enough though, her routine perfected over years. Get out of bed. Put socks on. Get shoes. Grab the duffel bag. She slept dressed anyways, ready to go at any time.

Or not?

Where were her clothes?

Nevermind that she had time to put something on. Just grab a shirt and pants from the dresser.

Hurried steps took her over the plush carpet. Wasn't it supposed to be a solid grey? Had her mother swapped it for one of their fancier rugs?

That didn't matter right now. Clothes. She needed clothes. When she got to her dresser she stood there, frowning at the bookshelf that now took its place. She didn't even remember acquiring the tomes in front of her, most of them old and with unfamiliar trinkets surrounding them. That's not how her bedroom was arranged. Why wasn't anything in its place? Was Alex playing a prank on her? No, he wouldn't do that.

Time was almost up and she needed some goddamn clothes and to get out and her head was starting to spin-

"Nicole?"

Her eyes snapped back to the bed she had so hastily vacated, Cassandra looking at her concerned.

From the room's entrance came another familiar voice. Bela. "I only wanted to let you know that Daniela wants to go for a hunt tomorrow." Her eyes were averted and as soon as the words left her lips, she turned and shut the door behind her, not waiting for an answer from her sister.

Confusion mixed in with dizziness, but Nicole let out a quiet oh when she fully realized where she was. Cassandra's bedroom. They came here last night and fell asleep. And she was only wearing underwear.

She went to sit on the edge of the bed, head resting in her hands to try alleviate the fog in her brain. She probably looked like hell, but that was the least of her concerns right now.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Came the uncharacteristically soft voice of Cassandra, who had moved from her spot under the blankets and was gently rubbing her back.

"Uh, nothing," Nicole replied, as if she didn't look ready to puke.

Cassandra only pursed her lips and frowned. "You looked like you simultaneously saw a ghost and were ready to fight a ghost."

She swallowed thickly and forced out a laugh. "Oh are we at "tragic backstory" relationship level now?" It was at best a pathetic attempt to change the subject and at worst annoying.

When she looked back at the brunette she was still frowning, but not in annoyance. Her golden eyes sparked with concern, scrutinizing the redhead's face and body language for any clue as to what was wrong. It sent a pang of guilt through Nicole's chest. She took a deep breath and leaned back into Cassandra's touch, trying to collect her thoughts. Where does one even begin to explain this whole mess?

"Have you ever wondered why I came here? To the village?"

"...Not really," she admitted.

Nicole took another deep breath, pulling the words from her mouth as if she were pulling out teeth with pliers.

"My dad, he…he had a bit of a weird business. We never knew the details of it, he never told any of us and we knew better than to snoop, but I do know it had something to do with drugs and was highly illegal."

Staying in one place proved itself a pesky little task, so Nicole stood up and started to collect her clothes from the floor and started dressing. Cassandra instead remained in the same spot, listening intently.

"With a job like that you make enemies by default. And that made him paranoid beyond belief. When me and Alex, my older brother, were children it wasn't that bad. Worst thing he would do was lock our bedroom doors and refuse to let us attend public school."

She narrowed her eyes at a wall, still not wanting to meet Cassandra's gaze. Now that she said it out loud, not that bad sounded pretty bad too. Whatever.

"It started going downhill when I was around…" She pursed her lips, trying to make her brain put together some semblance of a timeline. "Twelve. Yeah twelve. He came bursting into our bedrooms at 2 a.m. saying that someone with a gun had gotten into our house and wanted to kill us. We were mortified. I remember my mom holding me and Alex in the backseat crying while my dad drove us to his secluded cabin in the woods."

"And that became a habit of his. He'd have us do these drills every once in a while and then scream at us if we didn't do everything in under a minute."

"That's so fucking stupid," Cassandra spat, golden eyes gleaming with anger.

Nicole started pacing back and forth, desperate for a distraction. "Oh I know. And after a few years of this I made sure to tell him exactly how much I thought it was bullshit."

Finally coming to terms with the lack of something to do while she talked, Nicole gave up and went back to the bed. She sat down by Cassandra's side, though still avoiding her eyes.

"Do you know what getting punched in the face feels like?"

Cassandra's expression contorted into a disgusted grimace. With the hand not on Nicole's back rubbing comforting circles, she dug talons into the soft fabric of a blanket. She didn't really have an answer because frankly she didn't know. Her body reacted very differently to physical harm and the few that could hurt her wouldn't go for a stupid punch to the face. Nicole kept on talking though, not really looking for an answer.

"That shut me up for a bit. Key word a bit. When he woke me up on the night before an important test I was pissed. I just thought fuck it and went upstairs to the library. It took him around twenty minutes to find me and when he did… Well, I regretted some life choices."

"I was so done with being there in that house. Though thankfully my parents went on a business trip the next day and Alex was at a friend's for the weekend. I had the whole house to myself and decided to grab one of my mom's vintage wines and just spend the evening on the couch drinking. And that's how I became an alcoholic at the ripe old age of fifteen." She let out a humorless chuckle at the end.

That day was a blur in her mind. The only thing that she vividly remembered was Alex coming home early and finding her blackout drunk on the couch. At the end of the day though, they were both in the same boat. He just grabbed the bottle from her and started to sip away at the remaining wine. Laughing at each other's hangover the next day was the most fun they'd had in ages so it became a habit for the both of them. Every once in a while they'd go into the wine cellar, pick out a bottle and then go drink it in the attic while they pretended their problems didn't exist. It continued well into their college years. Nicole was barely able to recall doing anything during her years in med school that wasn't being drunk or studying.

She groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. That's not where she meant to go with the story. Cassandra placing a gentle kiss on her shoulder brought her enough comfort to try and wrap it up.

"I guess in a sick ironic way my dad was right in the end though," she subconsciously shifted closer to the brunette and she wasted no time in loosely wrapping her arms around Nicole's waist.

"I was three weeks away from completing my residency when I came home from the lab, only to find my mom in a puddle of blood on the living room floor. My brother was in a similar state in his bedroom. My dad was nowhere to be found but I didn't care. It was his fault," she swallowed the lump in her throat and felt tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

"I just grabbed my documents and a duffle bag with some clothes and ran. Booked the first flight to Romania to come stay at my grandparents'. Oh except they know what my dad is all about! Told me I had an hour to get some rest and be out of their house as they didn't want any trouble with my dad's people."

"I did grab a fuck ton of my dad's cash though so at least hotels weren't an issue," her words were coming out chocked, occasionally interrupted by sniffles. She rapidly whipped a hand across her face. "Have you ever been to Braşov? Old part of the city is quite lovely."

Cassandra grimaced. She didn't want to interrupt, but seeing Nicole in such a state made something in her unbeating heart ache. She gently wiped the trail of tears from her cheeks and placed a kiss on her temple from where she was sitting half behind Nicole. Then, with the softest voice she could muster, "And how did you meet Duke?"

Nicole's eyes widened slightly, apparently having forgotten that detail.

"Oh I stumbled upon his shop one day. I thought he was selling some neat stuff and he was nice so I kept coming back. One thing led to another and when I found out about a place off the map where no one gets in or out without help I thought it would be the perfect place to hide from the people trying to put a bullet through my head." Then she winced slightly. "I was also mildly tipsy when I made that decision."

Cassandra looked a little incredulous. "And he just brought you here?"

"I paid him."

Cassandra's expression turned to what could only be described as disappointed but not surprised. Then her attention went back on the redhead, glossy eyes fixated on the floor. To say she sucked at comforting others was an understatement. Daniela was far more well versed in the art of making others not feel miserable but she was nothing if not stubborn enough to try.

"Listen," she shifted to sit in front of her, hand placed gently on a wet cheek. "If anyone ever dares come near you with the intention of harming you, I'll make them regret every life choice that led them there. You're safe here." She may not be great with her words, but if Cassandra excelled in anything, it was keeping her loved ones safe. Loved one huh.

Nicole leaned into her touch, finally meeting Cassandra's eyes. There was a gentle kind of determination in her golden gaze, accompanied by a fiery rage that, for once in her life, brought comfort as opposed to terror. It came with the knowledge that it wasn't directed at her but at whoever may want to harm her.

She didn't doubt her words. Instead she shifted closer, face nuzzled in the crook of Cassandra's neck and, barely above a whisper, said: "Thank you."

[caizen]

here's to karma (at least we tried, didn't we?) | okkotsu y.

synopsis: you and yuuta go back to where it all started, rewriting the beginning as the end.

wc: 2.0k | prfr

warning/s: one swear i was hesitant to put in and might remove later, brief talk bt abandonment + insecurities since i am one insecure piece of shit and that was the root of this all | genre: angst

playlist : flower face - angela (this song SLAPS please do listen to it)

a/n: this is my break up fic with yuuta i'm leaving him thanks for activating my insecurities/lh /hj now i have this fic of leaving u that i might revise some time later. anyway i'm proud of this ahaha

♡ reblogs are appreciated ♡

okkotsu yuuta is not an early bird.

he doesn't like getting up before the sun, but he learned to love it when he once watched it rise with you. he doesn't like cold showers in the morning, but he's willing to take them to be presentable for you. he doesn't like alarms, but he's willing to make as many as he can to wake up with you.

yuuta is not an early bird, but at 5 in the morning, fully-dressed and awake, he's in front of an old convenience store, six feet away from where you sat down.

reluctant to call out your name, his gaze and shoulders heavy with unnecessary guilt.

he eventually greets you.

"good morning," he tells you at 5:16 a.m.

his voice is raspy, possibly from how it's only been 53 minutes since he woke up.

you don't mind it anyways; you've gotten used to hearing its soft whispers of "good morning" whenever he comes by your place to pick you up, or the lighthearted bursts of laughter when he finds himself in a stupid situation, or how he leans into your ear to tell you how wonderful you look when it's too crowded and you're struck with unpleasant thoughts.

it takes you minutes to reply, hesitant and distracted with thoughts wondering why he was here even if it had been you that called him over last night.

he figures you haven't noticed him yet, so he takes three steps towards you.

one for each year you both spent calling and finding home in each other.

the first year, when you first ask him to go stargazing with you even though there were barely even stars at night with how bright the city is.

the second year, when he's not-so-shy to let you know about how he carries an extra scarf from fall until spring because he's memorized your forgetfulness.

the third year, when things start to fall apart, but you're both still able to mend it back together. (or pretend that it's fixed.)

and the fourth—

"you really came, huh," your voice is low and almost inaudible except for the pained chuckle at the end of your sentence.

full of regret, your head hangs low. maybe it wasn't a good idea to have invited him.

he was stupid to have actually come anyway.

and honestly, he didn't want to come had it been someone else that invited him out at morning.

but it's you who invited him, and he's never been able to say no to you. not when he doesn't like seeing you disappointed.

"of course," he lowers his gaze to the ground, unable to look at you without feeling his head and chest ache every second. "you know i'd never flake out on you."

—then why was there never a fourth year?

something stings your eyes and blur your vision for a moment.

they're gone when you blink, leaving behind a wet trail down your cheek that was quick to dry when the breeze passes you by.

a sore, forced laugh leaves your lips, followed by a cough that has him rushing to your side and patting your back gently while worried eyes watch over you for every second that passed by.

"are you okay?" despite his hoarse and harsh-sounding voice, his tone is sweet and mellow, dipped in genuine concern, rough hands handling you delicately.

everything's silent other than your cough resonating in the empty parking lot and his soft pats on your back ringing in your ears. it remains empty aside from the two of you.

too bad it wasn't open for 24 hours so that there would be a few vehicles around or aisles for you to hide behind and then you wouldn't have to face him.

that's what you've always done though.

run away from reality and its problems.

it's time for you to face it again.

"sorry," you cough into your elbow. "yeah, i'm fine."

yuta knows about how often you lie about your condition, so he asks one more time in hopes of getting an honest answer.

a nod is all he gets. he doesn't question you again.

he wants to though.

he wants to ask if you're okay and if you two can try again.

still, he doesn't because he knows that he's going to get both a 'yes' and a 'no', and he knows which answer belonged to which question.

backing away from you, he sits when he deems the distance between you two not too far nor too close. you're more than a hand's reach, and that's enough for him. he wants to be closer, but to have you around is already enough for him.

it's already 5:28.

time passes too quickly.

despite wanting to cherish the moment, sit in silence and hopefully, peace as well, he stops his stalling and questions your need to see him in the morning when there's so much more time left on the clock.

as he's fulfilled your desire to meet him, you fulfill his of basking in the stillness of the world—with you.

you, and not someone else.

you, because you're the one he wants to have around.

you, because he—

—loves you.

he loves you, and not someone else, because he can't see himself with anyone else other than you.

(and he'll keep on loving you, even if you tell him to stop for his sake and yours.)

"do you still remember?" you mumble in your folded arms on your knees. "when we first met."

of course he does. it was somewhat unusual and unforgettable aside from the fact that the place you're both at right now is where you two met.

a cold, lonely dawn spent at an empty parking lot of a convenience store. two kids feeling empty and drained until he decided to strike up a conversation with you, wondering why you were there when you could ask him the same. neither of you judged each other about it though, understanding one another regardless being in different situations.

that's when you both got on the same vehicle and drove to a road that led to now.

it was like any other roadtrip, fun yet tiring, but neither of you realized that when everything was romanticized since the moment you two got on. it really was stupid of you two to think that meeting at a convenience store was romantic because it's not.

it really was stupid of you to ignore the warning signs.

"yeah," scratching his nape, he tilts his head to get a glimpse of your face, but he only sees your back. "we danced around even though there wasn't any music playing."

"it was dumb," you turn away from him as if you were going to get the urge remake the mistakes you made then if you saw his undeniably pretty features.

"it was fun though," a shy, embarrassed smile tugs at his lips. he hopes you're smiling too.

"wanna do it again?"

this was dumber.

though you're not going to make the same mistakes again. this was the end already, after all. there's no more mistakes to be made when there's no choices to be made.

the deep inhale of the cold air stings your lungs as you finally face him for the first time today, standing up and holding a hand out to him.

he swallows the last bit of hesitance that was preventing him from taking your hand, then starts to pull you into him.

"still no music?" one of his hands run to your waist.

you answer him as he's about to intertwine his other with yours by taking out your phone and a slow, gloomy melody begins to play. it echoes in the empty space lightly when you settle it on the cold cement floor.

no comments were made about the choice of music. his hand rests on your waist while yours on his shoulder, the others laced together.

for a moment, you're both back to the start.

dwelling in the glum atmosphere, savoring each other's company.

still unable to look each other in the eye so you two opt for the ground or anywhere other than the eyes or face. stiffly and awkwardly swaying, feet pausing every few seconds in doubt, choosing which steps to take because it's not used to dancing.

bathing in the lowlight of mornings that turn into something better because that's what you two are good at: romanticizing the hopeless and the unromantic.

"i wanted to have a last dance with you," you mutter, afraid he hears it. "that's why."

with the little space between your bodies, he does hear it. like your first meeting, he doesn't judge you for it. he likes dancing with you anyways.

"it doesn't have to be the last one," he wishes to say but it remains as a thought, the lack of courage not allowing him to use his voice. knowing he's going to regret doing so later, he still keeps them to himself.

so instead, he says something else.

"we can always dance again, if you'd like."

fuck.

that's even worse. (is it?)

on his shoulder, he feels your fingers claw at him. he wasn't supposed to say that. at least he doesn't mind it, but maybe you do.

you said it yourself, this was the last. maybe you said that because you didn't want to anymore, he overthinks.

with closed eyes, your fingers loosen up on the cotton material, relaxing and exhaling slowly through your nose.

"that's—" he tenses up at your voice.

"that's cool."

did he hear you right?

"i don't mind dancing with you again but," the corner of your lips curl up, a burning sensation in your lungs when you inhale the cold morning air and finish your sentence. "someone might."

someone, meaning the person you see himself with in your stead. the person whom you're convinced is better than you. the person whom you're convinced is more fitting for him, unlike you.

your eyes meet, and he can see through you.

you always lied about how you felt, until now.

it's all obvious with the way your voice stutters, eyes falter, and hands tremble; with how you avoid his gaze as much as you can because it's become unbearable to look at him without having your heart be spared from being torn into little pieces.

yuuta's done beating around the bushes. biting his lip, his hands squeeze your waist and hand, his gaze shaky.

"you didn't have to end this."

having enough of it, too much for him to contain, he bursts into tears and lays his head on your shoulder, shuddering and holding onto you tightly, as if that was ever going to stop you from letting go.

"it was better for the both of us."

the music gets drowned out by his choked sobs, the sky growing a little brighter than before each minute.

the sun rises slowly and lights up the dark corners of the world, and there's nothing you can do but watch another day begin again.

there's nothing you can do to stop yuuta crying.

there was nothing you could do to stop yourself from falling out of love.

(and even if you could prevent it, the road was always going to lead here.)

and as your shoulder gets soaked in tears, while you softly tug at the black tufts of his hair, you remember that there never was a fourth year because you—your insecurities—cut it off before he could. (because he never would, and neither would you.)

at your reply, he wonders why he even came here in the first place. was it because he was hopeful that you'd take him back again? (definitely.)

it's too early for this, and okkotsu yuuta is not an early bird.

he doesn't like getting up before the sun, but today, he did just for you. he doesn't like cold showers in the morning, but today, he took them to be presentable for you. he doesn't like alarms, but last night, he made as many as he could to make sure he doesn't wake up late and make you wait for nothing.

yuuta is not an early bird, so he faces the consequences of being left.

(while he's busy facing his consequences, you're facing yours: having to wake up knowing he's someone else's because of you.)

(you never wanted to leave, but it was better than to have him abandon you.)

(even if he never was going to.)

[everlesslahote1]

'Little' -Paul Lahote.

IM BACK!

This was not requested in anyway shape or form I just.... Wanted it, im sorry and its a fill in😭.

I WILL FINISH REQUESTS!

Paul Lahote x Fem!Oc

(warnings: ddlg)

ENJOY!

_

_

_

Aila was 18 and a little.

People judged her because she didnt want to act like a "big girl" is how her judgemental parents put it but she saw no wrong in what she wanted.

She wanted to be herself and to have fun but more importantly... To feel wanted.

And that soon came 9months ago when the love of her life walked in her music shop and changed everything for her.

Flashback...

The bell above the door rang meaning someone has entered to buy something or just to look.

In came a group of tan boys laughing and horse playing a little but stopped soon to look at records.

Aila sat quietly, she didnt even say welcome. She wasnt trying to be rude she just didnt want the attention right now.

Not after her parents ranted and raved about how she dressed like a child to work today.

She wore a lilo and stitch shirt and white over-all's with blue sneakers and her shoulder length brown hair in big pigtails as her bang hanged.

All she wanted was to be her self and her parents didnt get it.

The slim buff tan guy (Embry) went near the indie records while a huge buff man (Jacob) walked near ths rock records.

Then she notice a boy that was really beautiful looking to her (Paul) almost everywhere like he didnt know what he was looking for.

He wasnt super slim like the first guy but wasnt huge like the other one, he was still bigger then her 5'0 figure though.

He stood about 6'8, pretty plump lips and had a jawline as sharp as glass.

Aila didnt release she was staring until the boy started back but with... love?

All of a sudden the girl felt this tug on her frame that pull her to him.

She cleared her throat and pretended to be busy with the register so she wouldnt be so obvious but she was to late.

The trio of boys walk to the counter with their records in hand and placed it there to pay.

"Will this be all?" Aila asked glently.

Her voice broke chills down Paul's back, he wondered how ones voice could be so soft.

"Yes"

"I like your shirt" the mystery boy spoke.

The two boys next to Paul was kind of was surprised that he was complimenting a girl instead of getting her number first or sleeping with her.

I mean, thats what the young jock was best for in and out of school.

Aila blushed lightly as she rung up the last record for the boys.

"Thank you..." She said locking eyes with Paul again, once more feeling that tug to be near him.

"...umm that'll be $30.45" her cheeks were now the same color of the brightest red apple.

Jacob handed her $40 but told her to keep the change.

"Thank you" she said handing them the bag with their things in it.

"No, Thank You!" Jacob said winking at Paul and laughing with Embry.

'Whats funny?' She thought and tilted her head.

Paul knew he imprinted but he definitely didnt like how his friends were making a joke of it.

Jacob and Embry left out the door still laughing leaving Paul and Aila to them selfs.

"Sorry... Bout them, they're weirdos" Paul said still mugging the door as if his friends were still there.

"Its fine, I'm Aila, Aila Yorkman" she said sticking her hand out for him to shake.

"Paul, Paul Lahote" the wolf said taking his huge hand to shake for small one.

-

-

-

End of flashback.

Paul now knew she was a little and took it with joy, Aila thought he would be weirded out by her.

But she was happy he wasnt because if her own soul mate didnt accept her then what would she do.

Aila also now knew about the pack and vampires, she couldnt lie when and say she wasnt stuck when she released she had been kissing and hugged up with a hot headed , 6 foot wolf.

When they're with the pack Paul tends to be on egg shells.

Not only because he knew they're heightened strength and didn't want the boys to overpower her small figure but because they're dorks too.

He also added to NEVER make jokes about her being a little because she was sensitive to the subject.

None the least, everyone welcomed the little in to the pack with opened arms.

Especially Emily, Emily looked at Aila as a daughter figure and couldn't stand the way her parents treated her all because of what she was.

So with no questions asked Emily happily took on the role as a mother figure to the small girl.

-

Aila stood on her tippy toes trying to get the can of peanut butter from the top shelf.

She had been trying to reach it for the past 4 minutes all by herself.

Paul was on patrol so it was just her in the house they shared not to far from Emilys with they're husky puppy named Julie.

Paul insisted that his imprint moved in with him after her parents burned all of her "childish" shirts and called her nothing 4 months ago.

He couldn't stand the way his lover called him at 4 a.m. with tears streaming down her face.

His heart broke in two, in the matter of 5 minutes he was at Aila's window and since then they've live together.

The small girl finally stop trying as tears brimmed her eyes.

"Oh my gosh, come on" she whined.

Her last resort was to call somebody because if she got on the counter she would be scared to jump down.

The counter was pretty tall for a barely five foot girl.

"Daddy" she mumbled repeatedly as she search for her phone.

After 3 minutes ahe finally found her phone and dialed Pauls number.

Wolf P.O.V

Paul walked through to woods with Embry , Quil and Jared as he felt his phone vibrate as to say someone was calling

He looked at his screen to see 'little wolf🐺' spread across it.

He answered on the 3rd ring.

"Whats wrong pup" he spoke now coming to a stop.

Jared stopped and looked at his bestfriend as Embry and Quil continued to search for anything out of place.

"D-daddy i cant get the jar a-and-" she said now in tears because she was just a emotional girl and she was hungry.

Jared chuckled and shook his head when he heard his pack sister cry because of her short people problems.

"Wow, princess. Breathe"

He heard her tiny hiccups as Jared gestured for him to go to his imprint.

Paul gladly went to see why his baby was crying.

[nathank77]

4/9/24

7:18 p.m

I passed out around maybe 8 a.m potentially earlier. On the half MG without anything else.

I probably woke up about 4-6 times but I kept my eyes closed and I heard weird hallucinations like screaming or laughing-thats how I know I am about to fall back to sleep........ it's all the same volume but I can still make out what I hear. A scream is still the same volume as a whisper.. but yea I kept my eyes closed despite needing to pee cause I knew I was done for bc of those extra hallucinations.... I don't hear those during the day.

I woke up at 4:45 p.m..... my HSV2 inhibitor test and gonorrhea/chlamydia urine test was today at 4:40 p.m..... I ran out the door... drove to Quest, it's close... thankfully I had an extra pair of glasses in my backpack... I didnt have time to grab my glasses out of my case on my desk before I ran to Quest bc I really wanted to get it done. So this is one of those time where the whole having spare pairs of glasses is really helpful.. they saved my ability to be able to see when I was driving.

Luckily Quest did the tests..... I hate circadian rhythm disorder... I didn't want to open my eyes, I usually wake up to my alarm and I didn't this time. Back before I had psychosis I didn't wake up to my alarms but since Xanax I've been waking up to them almost everyday... when I opened my eyes I truly thought it was like 3 p.m... bc my alarm was set to 3:30 p.m.

My hallucination really is, "happy birthday," "I've got a birthday present," "that's the depressing part," and hearing my own thoughts being repeated which is maddening. I'm starting to regret aligning with it bc it makes it hard to say listen to a song/tv while thinking something out like what I got to do to today, etc... even without other types of chatter..

Anyways I await the results. I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea. I know that hsv2 test was a false positive, yet I'm still worried..

I hit CVS, and then took a shower. I'm home now writing. I have an appt with apple later about my phone number bc it's associated with another account.

I was going to check out some Eyewear places near me but of course with my circadian rhythm disorder, and the time frames its impossible. Maybe I'll start with lens crafters on Saturday and then next week my schedule is less busy and maybe I can make it work.

I'm anxious about oversleeping tomorrow bc of my T-Shot... at 3:45 p.m... I'm so sick of being tied down to this appt every other week. It can't be later than that.... if I could do it myself or have my gf/family/ or anyone reliable do it, I would have significantly less obligations to fulfill every single month. I mean it's a fucking chore. This month alone in total its 3 appts..... it's actually really a huge source of stress. If I could do it myself or have someone else to do it, well I would have had 2 ultrasounds this month, 2 Quest appts, and one dentist appt...

Anyways, maybe I'll game later. Maybe I'll just stare at the TV mindlessly. I got to take a 1MG tonight/tomorrow at like 4:30 a.m so hopefully I can fall asleep earlier and get 7 hours and wake up before 3 p.m.....

I have that stupid dentist appt bc the doctor couldn't see me the day of the cleaning on Friday... I might just cancel and reschedule I need down time. All these optical centers near me close at like fucking 5-6......... it would be cool to be able to swing by a few. They are close together. Maybe I really will reschedule cause like if I go to the dentist, I expect to get my teeth cleaned and see the doctor that same day and only come back if they find a problem...

I still have my ultrasound next Wednesday at 4 p.m on my lower region. I'm worried about that... making the appt. Then them finding something... despite their being no reason for me to think they'll find something.

I just feel like between circadian rhythm disorder, sleep issues, the voice always screaming to get my attention. My constant auditory hallucination forcing me to drown it out and my ocd always being there forcing me to make rules, avoid things, my life is so stressful.

I got my refund back and I can afford glasses. How can I fit going to a few stores locally into my schedule when I'm always going to the doctors and oversleeping...

I have my disability appointment on the 16th at 1:30... idk if I'm just going to reschedule it, maybe I'll take 1 mg and try to make it so the damn thing gets off my fucking to do list and I get my fucking back pay. I'll feel like fucking shit...

Beyond that my arm still hurts from my fall. The x-ray came back clean. I waited until my doctors appt and had her send me in a MRI... it got denied so I sent in the appeal paperwork...

But yea I'm trying hard to stay on the ball, everything is counting against me.

I thought something, what if Elise brings up brendan if I ever run into her. Well if she excessively brings up their plans. I'll assume she's happily married and I will be happy for her but I'll have to cope with that potential of us being together not ever happening.

If she brings up he is with the girls I'll assume nothing. If she says they talked about divorce I'll just listen and say I'm sorry. My jaw might drop a little. That's what I'd do..

Although I don't expect her to show up Saturday. I hope she does.

[21u004]

the last / okkotsu yuuta / april 4th, 2021

okkotsu yuuta is not an early bird.

he doesn’t like getting up before the sun, but he learned to love it when he once watched it rise with you. he doesn’t like cold showers in the morning, but he’s willing to take them to be presentable for you. he doesn’t like alarms, but he’s willing to make as many as he can to wake up with you.

yuuta is not an early bird, but at 5 in the morning, fully-dressed and awake, he’s in front of an old convenience store, six feet away from where you sat down.

reluctant to call out your name, his gaze and shoulders heavy with unnecessary guilt.

he eventually greets you.

“good morning,” he tells you at 5:16 a.m.

his voice is raspy, possibly from how it’s only been 53 minutes since he woke up.

you don’t mind it anyways; you’ve gotten used to hearing its soft whispers of “good morning” whenever he comes by your place to pick you up, or the lighthearted bursts of laughter when he finds himself in a stupid situation, or how he leans into your ear to tell you how wonderful you look when it’s too crowded and you’re struck with unpleasant thoughts.

it takes you minutes to reply, hesitant and distracted with thoughts wondering why he was here even if it had been you that called him over last night.

he figures you haven’t noticed him yet, so he takes three steps towards you.

one for each year you both spent calling and finding home in each other.

the first year, when you first ask him to go stargazing with you even though there were barely even stars at night with how bright the city is.

the second year, when he’s not-so-shy to let you know about how he carries an extra scarf from fall until spring because he’s memorized your forgetfulness.

the third year, when things start to fall apart, but you’re both still able to mend it back together. (or pretend that it’s fixed.)

and the fourth—

“you really came, huh,” your voice is low and almost inaudible except for the pained chuckle at the end of your sentence.

full of regret, your head hangs low. maybe it wasn’t a good idea to have invited him.

he was stupid to have actually come anyway.

and honestly, he didn’t want to come had it been someone else that invited him out at morning.

but it’s you who invited him, and he’s never been able to say no to you. not when he doesn’t like seeing you disappointed.

“of course,” he lowers his gaze to the ground, unable to look at you without feeling his head and chest ache every second. “you know i’d never flake out on you.”

—then why was there never a fourth year?

something stings your eyes and blur your vision for a moment.

they’re gone when you blink, leaving behind a wet trail down your cheek that was quick to dry when the breeze passes you by.

a sore, forced laugh leaves your lips, followed by a cough that has him rushing to your side and patting your back gently while worried eyes watch over you for every second that passed by.

“are you okay?” despite his hoarse and harsh-sounding voice, his tone is sweet and mellow, dipped in genuine concern, rough hands handling you delicately.

everything’s silent other than your cough resonating in the empty parking lot and his soft pats on your back ringing in your ears. it remains empty aside from the two of you.

too bad it wasn’t open for 24 hours so that there would be a few vehicles around or aisles for you to hide behind and then you wouldn’t have to face him.

that’s what you’ve always done though.

run away from reality and its problems.

it’s time for you to face it again.

“sorry,” you cough into your elbow. “yeah, i’m fine.”

yuta knows about how often you lie about your condition, so he asks one more time in hopes of getting an honest answer.

a nod is all he gets. he doesn’t question you again.

he wants to though.

he wants to ask if you’re okay and if you two can try again.

still, he doesn’t because he knows that he’s going to get both a ‘yes’ and a 'no’, and he knows which answer belonged to which question.

backing away from you, he sits when he deems the distance between you two not too far nor too close. you’re more than a hand’s reach, and that’s enough for him. he wants to be closer, but to have you around is already enough for him.

it’s already 5:28.

time passes too quickly.

despite wanting to cherish the moment, sit in silence and hopefully, peace as well, he stops his stalling and questions your need to see him in the morning when there’s so much more time left on the clock.

as he’s fulfilled your desire to meet him, you fulfill his of basking in the stillness of the world—with you.

you, and not someone else.

you, because you’re the one he wants to have around.

you, because he—

—loves you.

he loves you, and not someone else, because he can’t see himself with anyone else other than you.

(and he’ll keep on loving you, even if you tell him to stop for his sake and yours.)

“do you still remember?” you mumble in your folded arms on your knees. “when we first met.”

of course he does. it was somewhat unusual and unforgettable aside from the fact that the place you’re both at right now is where you two met.

a cold, lonely dawn spent at an empty parking lot of a convenience store. two kids feeling empty and drained until he decided to strike up a conversation with you, wondering why you were there when you could ask him the same. neither of you judged each other about it though, understanding one another regardless being in different situations.

that’s when you both got on the same vehicle and drove to a road that led to now.

it was like any other roadtrip, fun yet tiring, but neither of you realized that when everything was romanticized since the moment you two got on. it really was stupid of you two to think that meeting at a convenience store was romantic because it’s not.

it really was stupid of you to ignore the warning signs.

“yeah,” scratching his nape, he tilts his head to get a glimpse of your face, but he only sees your back. “we danced around even though there wasn’t any music playing.”

“it was dumb,” you turn away from him as if you were going to get the urge remake the mistakes you made then if you saw his undeniably pretty features.

“it was fun though,” a shy, embarrassed smile tugs at his lips. he hopes you’re smiling too.

“wanna do it again?”

this was dumber.

though you’re not going to make the same mistakes again. this was the end already, after all. there’s no more mistakes to be made when there’s no choices to be made.

the deep inhale of the cold air stings your lungs as you finally face him for the first time today, standing up and holding a hand out to him.

he swallows the last bit of hesitance that was preventing him from taking your hand, then starts to pull you into him.

“still no music?” one of his hands run to your waist.

you answer him as he’s about to intertwine his other with yours by taking out your phone and a slow, gloomy melody begins to play. it echoes in the empty space lightly when you settle it on the cold cement floor.

no comments were made about the choice of music. his hand rests on your waist while yours on his shoulder, the others laced together.

for a moment, you’re both back to the start.

dwelling in the glum atmosphere, savoring each other’s company.

still unable to look each other in the eye so you two opt for the ground or anywhere other than the eyes or face. stiffly and awkwardly swaying, feet pausing every few seconds in doubt, choosing which steps to take because it’s not used to dancing.

bathing in the lowlight of mornings that turn into something better because that’s what you two are good at: romanticizing the hopeless and the unromantic.

“i wanted to have a last dance with you,” you mutter, afraid he hears it. “that’s why.”

with the little space between your bodies, he does hear it. like your first meeting, he doesn’t judge you for it. he likes dancing with you anyways.

“it doesn’t have to be the last one,” he wishes to say but it remains as a thought, the lack of courage not allowing him to use his voice. knowing he’s going to regret doing so later, he still keeps them to himself.

so instead, he says something else.

“we can always dance again, if you’d like.”

fuck.

that’s even worse. (is it?)

on his shoulder, he feels your fingers claw at him. he wasn’t supposed to say that. at least he doesn’t mind it, but maybe you do.

you said it yourself, this was the last. maybe you said that because you didn’t want to anymore, he overthinks.

with closed eyes, your fingers loosen up on the cotton material, relaxing and exhaling slowly through your nose.

“that's—” he tenses up at your voice.

“that’s cool.”

did he hear you right?

“i don’t mind dancing with you again but,” the corner of your lips curl up, a burning sensation in your lungs when you inhale the cold morning air and finish your sentence. “someone might.”

someone, meaning the person you see himself with in your stead. the person whom you’re convinced is better than you. the person whom you’re convinced is more fitting for him, unlike you.

your eyes meet, and he can see through you.

you always lied about how you felt, until now.

it’s all obvious with the way your voice stutters, eyes falter, and hands tremble; with how you avoid his gaze as much as you can because it’s become unbearable to look at him without having your heart be spared from being torn into little pieces.

yuuta’s done beating around the bushes. biting his lip, his hands squeeze your waist and hand, his gaze shaky.

“you didn’t have to end this.”

having enough of it, too much for him to contain, he bursts into tears and lays his head on your shoulder, shuddering and holding onto you tightly, as if that was ever going to stop you from letting go.

“it was better for the both of us.”

the music gets drowned out by his choked sobs, the sky growing a little brighter than before each minute.

the sun rises slowly and lights up the dark corners of the world, and there’s nothing you can do but watch another day begin again.

there’s nothing you can do to stop yuuta crying.

there was nothing you could do to stop yourself from falling out of love.

(and even if you could prevent it, the road was always going to lead here.)

and as your shoulder gets soaked in tears, while you softly tug at the black tufts of his hair, you remember that there never was a fourth year because you—your insecurities—cut it off before he could. (because he never would, and neither would you.)

at your reply, he wonders why he even came here in the first place. was it because he was hopeful that you’d take him back again? (definitely.)

it’s too early for this, and okkotsu yuuta is not an early bird.

he doesn’t like getting up before the sun, but today, he did just for you. he doesn’t like cold showers in the morning, but today, he took them to be presentable for you. he doesn’t like alarms, but last night, he made as many as he could to make sure he doesn’t wake up late and make you wait for nothing.

yuuta is not an early bird, so he faces the consequences of being left.

(while he’s busy facing his consequences, you’re facing yours: having to wake up knowing he’s someone else’s because of you.)

(you never wanted to leave, but it was better than to have him abandon you.)

(even if he never was going to.)

[lacharcutiere]

still [sawamura daichi]

1,6k words

previous | masterlist | next ➪

part eight of i’m gone i’m gone i’m gone miniseries. you can only put these things off for so long.

JST: japanese standard time (GMT +9). EST: eastern standard time (GMT -5). EDT: eastern daylight time (GMT -4).

tings // fluff, a little bit of angst, kinda suggestive at the end ?? // i swear this søng is abøut eating øut my best friend's pussy - cøzybøy // dm, ask or comment to be added to taglist ! minors dni.

☾𓆙𓂻

— JAPAN, SUMMER 2024.

the summer passes like this: you and daichi laughing too loudly in busy restaurants and train cars; having arms around each other in the back of taxis on the way home from clubs; making instant udon at three a.m.; walking up and down the neighborhood a hundred times; laying silently side by side and not needing to say anything. it's a routine, it's familiar—it's home.

a couple weeks before you're set to head back to new york, daichi asks you a question as you lay next to him on a blanket in your driveway, staring up at the stars.

"have you decided what your plans are after college?"

"i'm gonna come back here."

"i thought you wanted to go to grad school? you can do way better in the states, especially with a degree from columbia."

you roll onto your side so you can look at him better. "i know. but i've been away too long already. i miss you."

he gives you a little smile. "but i'm right here."

"right here is pretty fucking far from america."

"hm."

"hm."

that's the end of the conversation.

— 2 AUGUST 2024. 23:09 JST.

everything happens the exact same way it has for the past three years: he takes you to the airport. you try hard not to cry; you say your goodbyes. check-in, security, buy some candy to eat at the gate. board the plane. sixteen hours later, you're in america.

one thing was different, though.

when he said goodbye, his lips touched yours.

you don't stop thinking about it for weeks.

☾𓆙𓂻

— AUGUST TO NOVEMBER 2024.

slightly relieving is the fact that amid thesis writing and too many classes and working an internship under one of your professors (that one's nice, it even earns you enough to get a small apartment a few blocks from campus), there proves to be little time to be spent missing daichi.

you finesse your schedule to fit weekly facetimes on friday evenings (new york time) and shoot random texts back and forth about your day between classes and during meals, and without much space for anything else, it's enough. good things are worth waiting for, anyway.

— DECEMBER 2024.

but then winter sem break rolls around and there's no school so it's back to having too much lonely alone time with your thoughts. you write daichi a christmas card and drop it off at the post office. it's early this year, but oh, well.

☾𓆙𓂻

a week before christmas you receive a call from an unknown number. the phone speaker crackles when you accept the call.

“hello?”

“hey.” the voice on the other end is bright, smiley, accented. it’s tōru.

“tōru? what’s up?”

“i’m outside,” he says, “come down and meet me?”

you’re a little confused, but you decide to humor him. “uh, okay, give me a minute… do i need anything?”

“bring a coat, it’s cold out. i’ll be waiting down here.” the call ends.

a few minutes later you push through the doors of the building to be met with a brisk wind and tōru standing by a payphone, grinning.

“do you have your subway pass?”

you feel inside your pocket for it and nod.

“good,” he says. “come on, we’re in a hurry.”

“where are we going?”

“downtown.”

“ohhkay?”

he laughs. “‘s not anything you won’t like, promise.”

you follow him into the nearest subway entrance, lost in thought as you push through the barrier and step onto the train. it's only when he nudges you and says, "this is our stop," that you realize you've been looking at the ground the whole time.

tōru notices how absent you seem to be and asks, "are you okay?"

"i would be if i knew what was going on," you respond.

"yeah," he says, leading you up the stairs and into the terminal, "yeah, i think you will be."

you're in grand central. tōru asks if he can borrow your phone for a second. when he hands it back to you, he doesn't say anything, just takes you by the arm smiling widely and leads you into the fray of commuters that fill the station.

"tōru!" you groan, "can't you just tell me where we're going?"

"magnolia," he replies simply.

"we came all the way here just for coffee?"

"mhm."

"tōru!" he stops walking and turns back to you, trying and failing miserably to stop grinning for a second. "what the fuck?"

"come on," he says, "you'll like it."

"we've been here before! what's so special about—"

"you'll see."

☾𓆙𓂻

coffee in grand central is surprisingly good. it's also surprisingly expensive. ah, well, it's new york. new york has much more to offer than just overpriced cafés.

such as... this. such as a laughing man that leads a remarkably pissed-off looking girl by the arm, towards this stupidly good, stupidly overpriced café.

the pair are weaving through a stream of people, almost there, and then they're there, and the girl is looking much less agitated now. she looks somewhere between crying and wanting to run in the opposite direction. thank god, she chooses the former.

he loves you. so much.

☾𓆙𓂻

"daichi?" you mean it to be a scream but your voice cracks a little and it comes out airy.

he has the exact same look on his face that tōru's had this whole time. "hi."

"oh my god, what the fuck?"

"you said it was lonely, tōru told me maybe it would be nice for you to have a date for new year's, i had some extra money saved up. so i came."

"you— what?" you look back at tōru. "you planned this? just? last minute?"

"nah," daichi laughs, "no, i meant to come visit you for christmas a while ago. i already had tickets and everything, i was gonna tell you but then i got your card and figured it might be more fun if it were a surprise."

"oh my god." that's all you can think to say.

— CHRISTMAS 2024.

you can't even explain how good it feels to wake up and walk into the living room to find daichi asleep on your couch on christmas morning, how good it feels for it to not just be you. the whole time he's been here, though, you've forced yourself not to think about the fact that he's going back home in a week and a half, forced yourself not to do anything just yet. soon, though. just a few more months.

☾𓆙𓂻

when he wakes up, you're making coffee for the two of you.

"merry christmas," he says, wrapping one arm around your shoulders. he places a card on the counter in front of you. "open it."

its message is simple.

you do as it says.

"i, uh, haven't gotten you anything yet, but—"

"daichi," you laugh, "it's okay. and um, i may have also not been able to get you anything. also because i didn't know you'd be here."

"wait, wait, i'm not finished."

"okay?"

"what do you want to do after you're done this year of school?"

"i already told you," you say, "i'll move back home."

"no, what do you want to do? you want to go to grad school, right? continue studying here?"

"no, i just want to stop waiting." you sigh, a little frustrated. "i don't wanna have to keep putting this off, it's been—"

he cuts you off. "i'll be here."

"huh?"

"i'll be here. or wherever."

"i don't get it?"

you've always loved the way daichi's nose scrunches up when he smiles. "you're the one planning on studying more, not me. not immediately, anyway. i'll go with you."

"daichi."

"what?"

"you're fucking joking."

he laughs; you look so confused right now. "i'm not. promise."

"i don't even—"

"hey."

"hm?"

"think you can handle long-distance for five months?"

"uh—" you inhale sharply. "yeah."

"good," he says, "then we don't have to keep putting this off."

it's been five months since you last let your lips touch his. it still feels just like the first time it happened.

— 31 DECEMBER, 2023. 19:36 EST.

he tries not to let you pay for dinner, but in the end, you slip the waiter your card while daichi's in the bathroom. it's his birthday; it's your treat.

and after dinner, there's that new year's eve party that tōru's been going on about. it feels good, so good, not to be there alone. it feels good to watch the broadcast from downtown and count the seconds to midnight as daichi's arms are wrapped around you from behind. the clock reaches zero; daichi kisses you hard. you're both drunk on champagne.

you watch him smile across the room at tōru, who's got his girl on his arm. the two of them look happy, too. everything is warm.

— DEPARTURE: 3 JANUARY 2025. 08:15 EST.

daichi's asleep next to you when the alarm on his phone goes off. you'll miss not waking up next to him for the next five months, but at least that's all it will be.

he makes faces at you in the mirror as you both brush your teeth; keeps trying to tug your sweater off when you get dressed. you spend these thirty minutes laughing with him until it hurts. the two of you take the subway back to grand central; make out in a corner of the terminal while he waits for his train to jfk international to arrive.

"see you in may."

— 21 JANUARY 2025.

taglist: @sakruisin-thru @softetsurou @oligbia

[anonymous-tals]

Oops, I wrote a 5 page Mythic Quest fanfic instead of doing my homework...

I was bored so I wrote a story about if Brad helped David pack up for moving apartments.  This is definitely centered around mental illness/mental health whatnot but no specifics of anything are discussed.

TW:  Implication of eating disorders/disordered eating, implication of depression whatnot

Anyways, I hope the story is enjoyable.  I don’t know if it’s any good but I had an enjoyable time writing it.

The Move

 The week was coming to a close and Brad was finishing up his work for the day. Warm sunlight poured through the windows, indicating the sun was setting.

“Hey, Brad!” Brad turned to see David standing in his doorway. “Can’t wait for tomorrow!” Looking around cautiously, Brad stood up and walked over to David.

“Let’s keep this under wraps, ok? I can’t have anyone thinking I’m a nice person.”

“Well, I think you’re a nice person!”

“Shut up. Just keep this on the down-low. I just needed an excuse to get some activity of sorts in.”

“Packing up for a move can be quite exhausting. Make sure to have a good breakfast. Or, even better! I’ll make us breakfast! How do you feel about pancakes?” Brad rolled his eyes before walking back over to his desk.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, David.”

“I’ll take that as a yes on the pancakes.” David walked away, cheerfully while Brad sighed, going back to work.

… 

Ding dong! It was exactly 10:00 a.m. when David heard the doorbell to his apartment sound out. He rushed over to the panel and pressed the speaker button.

“Brad, is that you?”

“Who else would it be?”

“Well, sometimes it’s people trying to convince me to join their religion but I just ignore them-”

“That was a rhetorical question, David. Let me in.”

“Ok. I’m in room 203.”

It was about a minute before David heard a knock on his door. He rushed over and opened it to see Brad, looking exhausted.

“You good, man? You look like you’re going to pass out. It’s only one flight of stairs.”

“I’m fine, David. Now, let’s get started.”

“Wait just one second there, bud!”, David said, rushing off down the narrow hallway. Brad peered down the hallways as sounds of clattering echoed through the apartment. Brad then turned to the rest of the apartment that he could see. It was a mess. A fire hazard, for sure. It looked like a mess that could only accumulate after weeks upon weeks of not cleaning. Suddenly, David rushed back holding two plates. “You almost forgot about breakfast!” Brad stared at the pancakes, not moving. David gestured one of the plates towards him. “Any day now!” Brad reached out and delicately took the plate from David’s hand. “Great! Now, how about we sit over there!” David pointed towards a couch in a small living room area that was quite cluttered. Books and knick-knacks were strewn about haphazardly. “Sorry, it’s not always this messy. I’ve just been trying to sort through things so everything is all over the place.”, David laughed. Brad was still staring down at the pancakes as an awkward silence filled the room. “Ooookay, then. Let’s go!”  

They headed over to the couch and they sat down, placing the plates on a small, magazine-covered coffee table. David carelessly pushed the magazines onto the floor. He started eating while Brad poked at the pancakes with his fork and looked around the room.

“You know, for not having food in your mouth, you’re awfully quiet!”

“Mhmmm.”, Brad said, acknowledging David speaking without giving him anything to work with.

“Well…” David tried to think of something interesting to talk about but he couldn’t. “Anything fun coming up for you?” Brad didn’t respond, now staring intently at the pancakes. “You can eat them, man. They are yours for the devouring!”, David chuckled.

“You know, I’m not hungry. Where’s your kitchen?”

“You sure? I have some other stuff if you want something else.”

“No, I’m good.”

“Ok, um, it’s right down the hall. The second doorway.” Brad stood up without another word and beelined to the kitchen, disappearing out of David’s line of sight. David could hear the sound of scraping followed by thumps and crinkly plastic. “You can just put it in the fridge!” Brad didn’t respond. David sighed before going back to eating his pancakes, Brad returning not long after.

“So, when are we going to get to packing up these boxes?”, said Brad, seemingly more energized than before. He had started bouncing his leg impatiently.

“Well, look who’s eager to help!”

“That’s what I’m here for. And I’m planning on catching a movie later so I want this all to be done sooner rather than later.”

“Oh, really? What movie? I really enjoy comedies. Like this one-” Just then, Brad interrupted him before he could finish his sentence.

“It’s a documentary about cheetahs and their role in the ecosystem.” David nodded.

“Oh… Mhmm, I see. Interesting.” David sat there, unsure of how to continue commenting on that. Despite David’s clear lack of interest, Brad continued.

“It’s really interesting to see the ruthlessness of nature and the wild and how everything plays a part in keeping life evolving and growing and just existing. You know what I mean?” There was a spark in Brad’s eyes that David only saw when Brad got a good deal in a sale. David gave a small nod.

“Oh, for sure… Well, I mean, no, but that’s very interesting.”

“It really is.” Brad didn’t seem to acknowledge David’s lack of knowledge or interest in what he was saying. He was just fully lost in thought. Suddenly, he seemed to come back to reality, as if he was escaping from a trance. “Well, um, anyway, let’s get working.”

“Perfect timing, too! I just finished my pancakes. Let me just take this to the kitchen and we can get this show on the road!” David and Brad both stood up and David headed to the kitchen to put his dish in the sink. It only took him a couple of seconds but by the time he came back, he saw Brad was looking at himself in a small mirror that hung by the door. David paused before brushing it off. “Ok, let’s get this thing started!” Brad spun around, caught off guard. It was as if he’d forgotten that he wasn’t the only one here.

“Right.” Brad seemed a bit out of it, as he’d been not long before. “Where do we start?”

“I guess we can start at different sections.”, said David. You can start over there…”, said David pointing to the corner of the living space. “… and I’ll start over here!”, he said, pointing to a bookshelf next to the TV, not too far from where Brad would be working. “Let me get the boxes!” David rushed down the hall and Brad walked over to the area that he’d be covering. He noticed an odor growing stronger as he approached it. His nose crinkled as he peered around the mess. He suddenly came upon what looked to be a Chinese takeout box.

“I’m starting to wonder if he’s ever cleaned this place.”, Brad said to himself. David reappeared with two boxes.

“Ready to rock and roll?”

“Sure.”, Brad paused. “When’s the last time you cleaned?”

“Oh, very recently. As I said, I’ve just been sorting through things and-”

“Really? Because the amount of mold on this old takeout seems to indicate otherwise.” David walked over to where Brad was standing.

“Oh, uh… I must’ve, um, missed that. I’ll get a garbage bag.”

David cleaned up the rotting food and they both sat down to get to work. Brad started picking up items and placing them in the box. It was silent between the two of them. Brad would’ve spoken but he didn’t know what to say so he kept quiet. He placed things carefully in the box, using the space as efficiently as possible. He fit one last item in the box before turning to David.

“Hey, where’s the tape?” Suddenly, a puzzled expression grew on Brad’s face. David’s box was empty. He just sat there, tapping his finger on the side of the box. “David?” Suddenly, David jolted his head up.

“Huh, oh, uhh…” David picked up an item, pretending that he had been being productive the whole time. “The tape?”

“Yes, David. The tape.”

“It should be on the coffee table.” Brad scooted over to the coffee table and shuffled the items around before turning to David.

“I don’t see it.” David was quiet. His face looked tired yet he hadn’t even done anything yet. Brad sighed and moved closer to David. “You ok?” David looked at the ground and fidgeted with a coaster that had somehow made its way onto the floor.

“I’ve been trying to pack for weeks now but I just keep putting it off and putting it off. I’ve just been so tired and I can’t do anything but I’ve been trying. I want to do it but I can’t! I’ve barely had the motivation to clean, as you can see. Once I get home, I just am so drained. The thing is, I don’t even do anything at work! I just stand around. I’m useless.” David spoke quickly and his speech got shakier and shakier as he spoke. “I thought having a friend here would help me but I just can’t do it. I can’t do anything right.”, David said, flopping over and burying his head in his lap.

Brad sat there, watching his boss break down in front of him. He’d seen David have panic attacks before but nothing ever like this. Nothing this depressing. In an attempt to comfort him, Brad patted him on the back.

“Hey, man, you aren’t useless!” Brad paused. “I understand how you feel, though.”

“You do?”, David sniffled, poking his head up.

“Yes…and that’s as far as I’m going to go into it.”, Brad said quickly. They sat in silence for a moment, David sitting back up. His eyes were glazed over.

“You can just leave if you want, Brad. I wanted this to be fun but I ruined this whole thing.”

“I never expect anything I do with you to be fun so you didn’t let down my expectations.” Brad started to regret making that kind of joke but David seemed to find it funny, a small smile forming on his face. “I’d be happy to stay and help.”

“Really?”, said David.

“Really. Now, I’m going to go look for the tape and I’ll be right back.  You just relax and I’ll work on packing your stuff up.” David nodded before looking back to the box.

Brad searched around, eventually finding the tape in a drawer and grabbing another box on the way back to the living area. As he entered the room, he saw David still staring at his box except, now, there was an item in there: a book.

“Hey! Look at you go!”, Brad said, reaching out his hand for a high five. David weakly tapped his hand before going back to staring at his box. Brad walked over to his side of the room and started packing stuff up.

… 

Brad placed tape down on the last box before sitting back and sighing. He looked at the clock on the wall of David’s bedroom. 11:49 p.m. He stood himself up, placing his hand on the dresser next to him to steady himself. Yawning, he entered the living room to find David lying on the couch.

“I did it! Your stuff is all packed and ready to go.”

“Thanks, man. I owe you. Really. I can’t begin to describe how much this means to me.” Brad gave a tired smile. They were quiet for a moment. “You want anything? It’s good!”, said David, raising his plate of chicken, rice and mixed vegetables. Brad shook his head.

“No, I’m good.” David looked at him puzzled.

“Have you eaten anything today?”

“I’m just not that hungry. I’m not a very hungry person, David.”

“Yah… I know.” David looked at him, a mixture of confusion and concern was expressed on his face. Silence filled the room again.

“Well, I think I better head home.”

“Home?”, said David, turning fully towards Brad. “What about your movie?”

“Oh, it played hours ago. Sometime around 6. I thought we-… I’d be done by then.”

“What?! Why didn’t you go?”

“I don’t know. You needed help moving! … Shut up.”

“I’m sorry, Brad. If I had helped, you probably wouldn’t have missed your movie.” David flopped down onto his back. “I’m just a waste of people’s time, aren’t I?”

“Jeez, man. Calm down.”, Brad said, sitting down next to him. “You know how I am. If I wanted to leave, I would’ve left. I was happy to help, ok?”

“You sure?”, David said, propping himself up and meeting Brad’s eyes.

“Yes. I’m sure.” David smiled.

“You know, Brad, deep down, you are a nice person.”

“Don’t you dare repeat those words to anyone or else I will not hesitate to destroy you.”

“Got it.” Brad then stood up.

“Well, I’m going to go so…”

“Ah, yah. Goodbye, Brad!”

Brad walked over to and opened the door when David spoke.

“Hey, promise me you’ll eat something when you get home, ok?”, David said, with a smile.

“Sure… I promise.”, said Brad, giving a weak smile before it fell to a tired expression. “Bye.” 

The door closed and David let himself fall back down onto the couch. He looked around at all the boxes. His apartment was barren except for the furniture. Guilt from not helping still lingered but his appreciation and gratefulness topped whatever guilt was left. David thought about getting up and going to his bed but he was too tired. He reached for the remote and put on a random channel and lay his head down. Today was the last day in his apartment. The last month or so had been rough but David was just glad that the last real memory that he’d made here was not entirely horrible. As he thought, David slowly closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep.