#apologies for the interruption

[hoooshiiiii]

TW: Rant

Anyone ever wanna do things you’re passionate about but then see other people doing them and start sobbing because you realize everyone who does this thing is already with other people who do this thing and you can’t find groups to join? No? Just me?

[kingofmyborrowedheart]

Not Ethan Hawke from The Dead Poets Society being in a music video for THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT!!

[specialtysacrifice]

Idk if Mac had a strong sense of self before coming out. I think a lot of it was constructed and obviously based on people he thought he should be like. His dad, or action movie characters. It looked like he had a strong personality, being bossy and stubborn, but I bet if he was asked any typical "fist date" questions, he'd come off like a cardboard cut out, or like an action figure toy with a pull string. Only able to say obvious macho bro-ey answers, not understanding how to genuinely answer. And he truly believed that's who he was. He had to. Because if he wasn't that, wasn't a man, who was he?

Coming out, going back, coming out again, eventually having it stick, he doesn't know who the fuck he is or supposed to be. I think being Gay is a title/role to Mac in the same way being Straight or a Man was. He's only ever seen queers in a negative or, at best, stereotypical light so he doesn't understand the deeper levels to himself. He's just swapped roles from "macho rowdy ladies man" to "gay bear/hunk sex machine" in place of understanding himself on a deeper level.

There's an assumption that queer people have a deeper sense of self and understand ourselves better than cis straight people, but coming out isn't always a coming home. It can destroy your sense of self and leave you completely lost about who you are as a person. It can feel like starting from ground zero.

We see this with Mac almost immediately. Mac Finds His Pride has him lost the whole episode, apathetically going from one queer scene to the next as Frank tries to help him find what Type of Gay he is. Eventually culminating in an attempt to still gain his father's approval. I think the dance helped Mac process his relationship with god, but he is still very lost as a person by the end of the episode.

Another example, very obviously, is when they're in Ireland. Mac has lost all sense of identity. Already struggling with his catholocism and being gay, he's shortly stripped of his Irish identity as well (and immediately tries to figure out how to be Dutch? iirc). That's Mac's whole plot for that entire season pretty much.

He looks to other people to tell him what to do, almost refuses to make his own decisions. Who is Mac? What does he like to do? Not in relation or service to other people, but to himself? I don't think the writers, Rob, or Mac know the answers. He's not gay, he's Mac. What does that mean?

I don't know where else to go with this. Besides that, I feel that in The Gang Goes Bowling, we see just a little bit of Mac returning. Or rather, becoming. I hope we see more of him.

[always4tuesdayss]

[majorxmaggiexboy]

SHUT UP MY BOY INITIATED A HUG AS A PANIC RESPONSE TO BEING APOLOGIZED TO

Losing my mind at Beau looking at Fjord for tips during the apology and Caleb looking at Yasha for the same as the hug gets progressively more and more awkward oh my god

KIRI WITH HER “welcome to the mighty Nein” HOLLERING

God you could roll credits right here and I’d die happy

[cutelilrat]

im expecting an apology i know i wont be getting.

[salembehindbars]

Receiving an “I am sorry you feel that way” apology rather than an “I apologize for my actions” apology will have you contemplating what felony would assuage your anger.

[abstraction-clangen]

the abstraction is experiencing

T̶͔͌E̶̛̺C̴͚̏H̵̦͛N̶̲͊I̸̗͋C̴͔̆A̵͉͒L̷̈́͜ ̴̙͑Ḏ̴͝I̷͈̒F̸͖̄F̷̧̄I̷̦͌C̷̱̀U̷͕͂Ĺ̴̫T̷̡̆I̶͈͌E̵̮͒Ś̶͇ ̴̬͆

> PLEASE HOLD

[bellaxgiornata]

Now that I've gotten the first part almost written and I have a better grasp on what this thing is, I'm able to share a summary! This'll be told in two parts and it'll be angst with a happy ending (because it's me and that's apparently what I love).

I will say this: this won't be your typical confession of feelings fic...

If We're Being Honest tentative summary:

Already having an awful week, you're a bit out of it while at Josie's with your friends, too busy sulking and drinking down your feelings to keep up with conversation. The sight of Matt wandering off with a beautiful woman yet again certainly doesn't help. But when you stay behind by yourself to finish your drink and wallow a bit more, you're surprised when Matt reappears and offers to let you stay the night at his place. Eventually, the night takes a turn you weren't anticipating.

[causenessus]

dyslexic moment on my part i am so sorry @dodgeryaps (it's even worse bc i re read your post five times thinking of all the animals i knew)

[tchotchkez]

in my professional opinion you should watch all of the one piece movies because they are all filled with different character shenanigans and neat slice of life stuff

e.g. I'm watching adventure of nebulandia and usopp and franky were having a contest to shoot little stuff floating in the ocean. usopp won, and robin was like "damn" while she's sun-bathing with nami, flicking a coin to her, then she chided franky for losing three times in a row.

like?? that's so cute??? the contest and robin betting on franky every time while nami always bets on usopp! meanwhile sanji is in the kitchen cooking for everyone and luffy is just sitting alone at the kitchen table waiting for the very exact second the meat is done and getting on sanji's nerves.

and all of the movies have these little details! it's so good! it's so nice to see the characters just existing together in a moment outside of Plot Stuff.

who cares if the movies are "good" or even canon? enjoy a fun little side adventure with the strawhats, whydon'tcha? 😁

[the-arbiter-general]

Oh, Jing Yuan! A question: the little finches... sparrows??? Whatever they are... how do you like their company? They seem to like you very much and feel safe enough to shelter in your hair. I don't know what the Xianzhou may think about it but I'd say that a high sign of trust, which if little small creatures like them feel safe with you, I think that is undoubtedly a sign that you are a good person.

(Ooc: HI ERU ALSO SCREAMS BECAUSE OMG BEST JING YUAN AAAAA HE IS MY FAVORITE AND BIG COMFORT CHARACTER AND ALSO MY CHOSEN HUSBANDO SO FINDING BEING DIRECTED TO YOUR ACCOUNT WAS DAY MADE)

“Those little, harmless critters that flock me at specific times of the days?” He finds himself chuckling fondly at the memories of peace, but he finds his gaze towards yours, the softness remaining on his features, but his eyes were calculating to the comment of him being someone of decent, if not, high praise.

A good person, she says. He remains silent, but the corners of his lips rise into an expression of warmth. “You flatter me, you do, however,” his eyes averts from yours, towards the scenery of the Ambrosial Arbor tree, his gaze distant, and reminiscing.

“Had it not for my status as the beholder of the Reignbow Arbiter's wishes, had it not been for my fierceness in strategy that led me to a high position, had it not for this title, this life,”

He pauses, looking over his shoulder, his former expression shifting into a somber smile. “I would've been able to accept your statements to the fullest, with great gratitude,”

“But know,” he turns around to your direction, fully, a calculative and authorative look looms over his features. “That those little, fleeting birds, have no clue as to what I have done, nor they will ever find out what I currently do.”

“Good, you describe me,” his face falls, down to his desk, his expression softening, saddening, casting shadow over the table. “Long overdue, is what I would describe myself.”

His head perks up, in realization to his rambling, and the additional added air of sorrow, thickly unpleasant. “Forgive me and my ramblings,” he sighs, giving you a forced smile, with one hand up and covering half of his face.

“How unsightly of the Arbiter General, truly.”

[blackjackkent]

OK, tremendously long day and looking like a tremendously long week, so I'm guessing I won't get a whole ton of liveblogging in until this weekend. I do plan to smash out a bunch of Veilguard on Sat/Sun, but for now, gonna knock out something small and check out this new Emmrich sidequest we picked up!

Helena is probably going to be of less than no help in this process but she's just happy Emmrich wanted to have her along. XD She's still definitely nursing a crush on him and will definitely be looking for opportunities to impress him, which I'm sure will go great.

[the-great-rat-attorney]

[cruesuffix]

re: my last reblog

flower shop au and mick is a botanist who owns a flower shop and just likes surrounding himself with flowers on the daily.

maybe, because he’s usually alone, he talks to his flowers while he waters them and all that. the shop is almost never crowded… like nobody ever really goes in to look around. that is!! until nikki comes rushing in one day in a hurry. he’s so out of his element but he literally looks like someone’s holding a gun to his head while he tries to look around for the best looking flower. micks busy in the corner watering a plant while talking to it when nikki bursts in. he literally drops his watering can and turns around. he’s face to face with a beautifully flustered boy who can’t stop apologizing for scaring him. when he gets his bearings, mick asks him if he needs any help and nikki kinda just blurts out the type of flower he’s looking for (it’s a real crude description though: “oh uhhh like… it’s blue and it has a lot of petals and it kinda looks like a circle? no, not a circle but it’s just… it’s really frumpy looking to be honest but im going on a date and the girl really likes those types of flowers!”) of course mick can put two and two together (he studied for this kind of stuff), and immediately picks up a bundle of the flowers nikki’s looking for (blue hydrangeas). nikki is literally so surprised and in awe he gets excited. he’s talking a mile a minute and the only thing mick can catch is him asking him how he figured it out so quickly. mick just shrugs and tells him it’s magic.

nikki doesn’t even care cause he got his flower and he can run back to his apartment to get ready for his date. mick does offer him a business card… just in case he needs to come back. nikki takes it, even though he knows he’s not going to use it ever, pays for his flowers and then leaves. when mick is sure he’s gone, he starts gossiping about that strange boy to his flowers. in a weird way, he kinda hopes the kid will come back, cause that was the most entertained he’s been at this shop.

i know this ain’t a lot but i actually have more ideas i need to write down and maybe i’ll post more about this. i literally came up with this on the spot with that last reblog. who knew a couple of tags would get me inspired so easily lmaooo.

[pumpkinhead666]

IS AO3 DOWN? I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIC AND THEN SUDDENLY THERE WAS AN ERROR MESSAGE