#as much as I hate thinking abt the skip button. the skip button

[kirchefuchs]

just my thoughts abt Skip Button Ending

I don’t really think that Narrator dies… physically. I have an idea that he’s sorta immortal, but still is dying in psychological way. His brain is rotting(not literally but idk who knows lol) and at the moment “the end is never the end” he can barely think.. not, like, he cannot think anymore and just trying to fulfill the silence that he hates, but then he cannot do even that, poor man. and you know, the lights in that room like imitating the sanity of Narrator, and when it’s just one light left he’s almost insane, but then… he’s going insane.

just my theory and thoughts lmao(sorry english isn’t my first language so i can’t really express my thoughts as i would want to)

No, honey you got the point across great, don't apologize. I really like this take on it. It makes a lot of sense especially if you do see the Narrator as and immortal being. And honestly, I think anyone would go insane if left alone with no one to talk to but yourself for years upon years upon years. It's honestly amazing how long the Narrator is able to hang onto that tiny thread of sanity. It really shows how deeply inhuman he is, but not without acknowledging that he isn't invulnerable. He is much more and can handle more than any human could ever dream of, but he isn't invincible and he can still lose his grip on the world around him.

I think that's why it hurts so much to hear him breal down like that. Throughout the game he always seems so much larger than life. Like he controls the Parable and nothing can get to him because he is in control. And to watch as he loses that control and in turn lose himself to something as simple as loneliness? It hurts.

Watching the oh so powerful Narrator fall prey to one of the most universally known human emotions, and for it to be at our very own hands. It almost feels like torture. To me at least. I'm a very empathetic person when I play games, I get very attached to characters like the Narrator so I really hate to see him hurt.

Anyways, thank you for sending this. It was really fun to read and think about. I love hearing everyone'sideas so much :)

[interstitties101]

Ok my official dr who specials commentary bc no one asked and that’s why I’m doing it:

Star beast (re-watch already lol)~

They needed to compose proper theme music for this. The themes from the first era were too strong and emotive to skip over for this return - whether they kept the old ones or made new ones, there should’ve been character themes

Not a huge fan of the “whoniverse” thing just bc it gives MCU/DC universe stuff and it would’ve been cool if they did it differently

The floaty “last time on dr who” monologue - I understand why it was necessary for audiences who aren’t familiar with that era but damn they could’ve done it differently. Like tardis/London footage with a voiceover, not a monologue to the camera that felt like a trailer

LOVE the new title sequence. So colorful, beautiful, lovely.

They should’ve had a different way of the dr landing on earth. Also I hated the commercially happy music they used. Ik RTD wanted to bring in that goofiness but it came across more as cheesy bc of the pacing and music and it would’ve been better to have the scene be of tension and confusion - like why did this face come back? Why are the timelines converging? This could be a massive problem. They should’ve started the episode with 14 stepping out of the tardis in London, getting his bearings, and running into Donna [cue title sequence] and then getting into the silliness of it a la S4e1. That pacing would’ve been much punchier imo

Bro needs to commit to buttoning that vest or not ffs!! Donna was right even if she was rude abt it 💅🏽

Establishing the tension from the start also would’ve made the sudden arrival of the spaceship more fitting, less out of place - like heightening the danger rather than splatting it in (yes that’s a word bc I say so)

They should’ve made rose more bonkers given that she’s donna’s daughter… why is she so normal

AGAIN with the music. Be more interesting plz

Love the taxi ride with Shaun. Lmao Nerys mention

Seeing 14 not act just like 10 is So weird for me. Completely appropriate, obviously, but still. I’m like Why Are U Acting Like That Stop It Whats Wrong Ur Acting Weird

Donna is such a great mum.

The kitchen convo is PERFECT, no notes.

Great performance w Donna’s mum. Just the same as always, those two.

Again - it’s so weird that Rose is different from Donna. Like girl why are you not freaking out about this alien and are actively protecting it???

The meep’s dialogue in the alleyway (and later) makes much more sense given the reveal later. Like I was wondering why it was so crazy cheesycutesygoofy… it seemed a bit out of place

Ok the integration of 10’s theme - FANTASTIC. Wish they did much more of that. 👁️👁️

The dr talking to Shirley had so much exposition stuff that I personally think should’ve been at the start somehow. Or j much earlier imo. Like- they should’ve j had this bit earlier instead of the floaty monologue.

Love Shirley’s character btw.

Wish they didn’t have to cram so much stuff into this episode cuz if they were able to slow down the dialogue, it would’ve been so much more emotionally impactful. Like rose and the meep’s dialogue abt feeling alone/an other.

“What the hell” is appropriate, thank you Donna!!!

“YOU… 🤬🤬🤬” “Sylvia!!😙😙😙!” BAHAHHAHAHHA GETTIM

Very good chaos, thank you!!!!!! 😊👍🏽

Wilf!!!!!!!! He loved that man!!!!!!!! He died for that man!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️

The explicit pronouns convo is so funny to me. Get fucked UK terfdom. Love u RTD, absolute icon

The “not today thanks” was so 13 lol loved it

The sonic is so beefed now it’s crazy. But I like it. I didn’t think I would but it’s sick. Love Sylvia’s reaction to it too

Love dt’s little run in place to get the meep moving

Thank you Donna for keeping everyone grounded in reality. “My house!!!!?!???!” Like YEAH HOLY SHIT!!

Sonic screwdriver explanation? Why? 14 needs to take the memory thing more seriously and stop having fun showing off (classic 10) bc it also gives the danger less weight

Shoutout captain Singh I love seeing Indian ppl in dr who nowadays. LONG awaited, much needed.

Passing by the sleeping guy is SO 11/moffat era

Seeing cheesy activities with high budget effects is so weird to me. The effects need to be less good for the whole thing to fit imo lolll

Love 14 being logically ahead of everyone and not telling anyone anything. But also they should’ve given him more “figuring out” shots in the action before the garage scene. Pacing again.

The wig was so random. King of giving no explanation whatsoever before doing things. Also shoutout lighting for making dt look like he has eyeliner on. Cunty. A little sexy for a man in a court wig tbh. I like it

The meep betrayal was THE craziest plot twist. I was NOT expecting that, esp after all the interviews talking abt how cute the meep was from the comics.

Donna is so right to be mad abt not knowing who the dr is. Bro is really edging her memory 😭😂. Wish they had more classic “10 looking sad and conflicted” shots. Would’ve added punch.

Rose is way too calm through all of this. Girl act more scared

The meep is scary fr. Why is everyone so calm - they’re being taken hostage by a rabid chihuahuasquirrelalien. Genuinely they need to look more scared, why are they just standing there looking mildly concerned

There needed to be a slight pause or change in the music to reintroduce Shirley. Reveals like that necessitate some sort of shift in the flow of the backing music. Otherwise her appearance doesn’t seem as surprising and punchy - it’s just like another leaf in the stream

Sylvia is really legging it for an older woman damn. Good for her.

Great slide dt that was sick. 10/14 stays moving so much more athletically than all the other drs fr. And honestly? I soooooo fuck with that. Stunt on em girl

More pacing (time) is again needed for the control room scene. These are phenomenal actors!! Give them time to let their words hit you!!!! Punches don’t mean anything without follow-through so give them room to follow through!!! The pauses between dialogue are clipped. There needs to be no music, just a lot of empty audio space for them to punctuate.

“No you are NOT!!!!! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THIS??!!!” and then that sad sad loving look. Ugh. Dt is too good. GIVE HIM MORE TIME!!!!’nn

The winter solider programming is so unserious to me wth. I wish they’d done the physical touch thing instead but whatevs. Also how come it took Donna so long to remember all this shit when it took her like 20 secs to remember it all when the whole master thing was happening? Was it time apart? Getting used to alien stuff over the years?

Donna talking abt her money before anything else is SO funny. Real.

Using the classic 11 music for Donna popping off is like - I missed that theme but she should’ve had smth from s4

The “it’s working!!!!!!!” with the hands in the air is so 11 lmao

Ugh again with the PACING!!!!! THEIR FRIENDSHIP MEANT SO MUCH!!!!! THEY NEEDED SO MUCH MORE TIME TO BE EMOTIONAL TOGETHER!!!!!!! THAT COULDVE BEEN HER FUCKING DYING FR FR AND THEY WERE LIKE “🤷🏽… damn that’s craaaaaaaaazy”

They should’ve had the rose reveal thing running in cuts at the same time as the rest of the scene, not as a quick flashback imo. That would’ve made their explaining everything less cheesy cuz it would’ve felt more like them realizing than them explaining things to us

“Jammy”? Was that a reference I missed or smth? I don’t get why that was in there

The superhero pose at the end with the meep… 🙄 be so fr lol

The music CONTINUES to piss me off

The “male presenting time lord” is so stupid. Isn’t the whole point that gender and sex don’t dictate anything fr, especially belief? Like what if maybe the dr just didn’t get the whole thing abt letting but they did because of perspective differences, not gender differences?? He was a woman like 4 hrs ago!! And the dr, especially 10/14, is known to be a stubborn sonofabitch. It makes more sense to have it be a critique abt his character (which is a classic Donna thing to do) than some weird commentary abt womanhood. But anyway.

Also I’m sorry but rose’s character needed to be much more emotive throughout.

The dr and Donna needed MUCH more of a proper reunion hug processing type beat after she got her memories back.

“But not him” LMAO I know 10s arrogant ass took offense

Love 14 running around the tardis!! but almost wish he was in 13’s so ncuti could get his own experience

THIS is where they need a good hug - “it killed me it killed me it killed me” goddamn it Donna put that mug down and hug him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GIVE THEM TIME TO REUNITE PROPERLY FFS!!!!!!! WHERE WAS THEIR TENROSE REUNION MOMENT????????!!!!!!?

I love how Donna is so serious abt being a mum. Like obvs she would be but I just love seeing that. She always had so much love in her heart, I’m so happy she has a kid

Ok no way a spilled coffee made all that fire be so ffr 🙄❤️

Overall: needed music and pacing adjustments but was otherwise really good!!!! RTD + team will figure it out - I have hope. So happy to see dt and ct together again - I know the next episode with just the two of them is gonna be great. Dt and RTD said it’s gonna be very different from other dr who eps so I’m nervous but also excited!!!!! Ugh so good to see them back when they’re older 🥹❤️ and so happy dr who is being so forward abt trans rep in this political climate. *Really* great storyline too - loved it. Just a shame they couldntve made the episode 1h20m instead so there’d be space for everything.

[mlynar-nearl]

the amount of pulls you just said was insane sorry, did you just say 290 for ling/lee? and 170 for gavalter/pozy? absolutely insane that is some. wow. (can i say anything i hand mhy my wallet like it is free)

ok but yeah i can see like.... why. i mean. i love old man nearl i want him, i want him now so i can finally get started on my nearl family agenda and have to m9/mod3/maxlvl everyone in the nearl family (i love them little lovelies) and i have only done this with nearlter but blemi needs rocks and i hate rocks i hate farming 1-7 with a passion i have literally postponed farming rocks so much i have like 7??? un-e2'ed 6*s just bcs they need rocks (and also bcs they are not meta lol)

ur wallet is terrifying. anyways will u max pot the old man? i feel like u wld tbh but like complete guess.

and yeah most ppl will talk abt honkais story instead since it is pretty good, but i like the gameplay very personally, like... im a sucker for good hack-and-slash games (that i can play on mobile bcs idh a pc oop) that also dont require *that* much brain and honkai has honestly filled up that for me lol. its nice its flashy i press buttons its a win-win

but yeah before that, for the longest time, it was just arknights that stuck with me and its really obvious why bcs its a really good game (even now ofc tho sss pains me in every way possible) and i still do is2 all the time for fun even tho ive maxed out my candle level for weeks alr like hell yeah !!! i love this game!!! i burn out sometimes but i usually get back within one or two events (hence my incomplete guide ahead + the one medal missing from lingering echos + i only completed medal set for tw on the rerun) but yeah i love arknights and sometimes i wish i had more friends to yell abt it !!! watched the concert (the one with phenomenal agents and i was rly sad that i couldnt talk abt it to anyone properly)

ah once again sorry for the length, but i would love to hear what other gacha games you play as well ! personally i am a gacha game only person (my standards are a bit low sometimes) and i dont play much outside of gacha tbh. ah and of course, have a nice day !

i pretty much only pull on limited banners which is why i could put in that many for gavial and pozy without dipping into the wallet that much. ling and lee, on the other hand, THAT shit hurted my money. for my arknights pulls i basically set myself a number of rules that rely on the slight delay between CN and global that let me think out ops in advance and such. essentially, i allow myself one operator release between limited banners to actually invest in, based on how they look, their mechanics, and what i like in a character. so mlynar is my one between gavialter/pozy and omertexas/penance, simple as. GG was a previous "one." so was surtr. unfortunately this system does mean i have to skip characters that i do like- for example, i prio'ed GG over gnosis and fiammetta, who i both really enjoy as characters- because i ruled that GG has the most utility that i can take advantage of in my average playstyle and her global range is just too good at covering for my smallbrain moments. so for that reason, i normally have around 17 ten-pulls saved for each limited banner including the free ones that you get (meaning i average around 175 pulls since i throw in a few singles to make it nice and even.) ling and lee were an exception since mr lee just decided to fight me on it. to this day the only operator released on a limited banner that hasn't come home is irene and that's because i put foresight in myself and reminded myself that gavialter and pozemka would be upcoming in a much shorter gap than between ling/lee and specalter/irene, and i would regret it if i went all in for irene. the primary goal is always the operator who will be impossible to get at any other time of the year. yes i plot these things that far in advance like a general going to war. it's how i Survive . i've been doing it pretty much since i started when the limited to save up for was W.

i don't intend to pull for maxpot on mlynar for this reason. even with him sitting at my all time favorite character in the game, it doesn't fit my standard of pulling. eyes are ahead to omertexas and penance once he's home. though i do have idle plans to use any royal guard tokens i get on him. i would like him to be maxpot someday but given that i generally roll with the broad goal of collecting as many characters as possible, it's incompatible for the moment.

rn i indulge at feh and genshin at the request of my friends who do play them. i do enjoy genshin and it's a fun time killer- it's a shame the fanbase is So. i try not to indulge in gacha games unless they're recommended to me by friends, and arknights was, in fact, a rec when it was fresh enough (i think right after partial necrosis dropped because i had the frostnova lore explained to me as a hook.) i started right at the tail end of nian's banner. most of the vibeo games i play are non-gacha to avoid the hurts to my wallet that mr lee put on it. at least with arknights i can feel like i'm actually paying them for a good game PFSDLGH.....

[james-fun-in-the-sunderland]

yeah sure every q for the ask game for mr. abel unless u like hate a q then u can skip but. and you know what !!!! 👀 and 💌 for vicky !!!!!! thats right so many q's

every day when i rb an ask game zee sees if he can send me as of them as possible bc its his love language 💖

link back to the ask game bc i have other ocs to aske about if anyone wishes

going under a readmore immediately bc wow. so many qs.

for abel:

🥵 : Is your OC perceived as physically attractive to others? Is it at first glance or is it something that takes more time to reach fruition?

I think abel is definitely physically attractive to others! he has a very 'aged like a fine wine' type of look that i swear isnt just my own biases i swear i swear . i really do think he would 100% be flirted with by like . everyone. but especially men. i think its first glance also BTW, maybe taking more time for people who arent into how big or hairy he is? but those are cowards. 💦 : Is your OC’s attractiveness based on looks or a more intangible aura?

looks. but also abel has a very charismatic aura to him as well! he speaks very casually or more formally depending on the people he talks to and finds it easy to figure out how to push the right buttons in a conversation to make someone like him so its just like alot. 💪 : What is your OC’s most physically attractive attribute? 

face for sure, hes got the beard and a bit of a smoldering look to him that makes him even hotter when he takes off his glasses, plus if he dresses up he looks VERY nice and his body in general IMO is quite nice. 🧠 : What is your OC’s most mentally attractive attribute?

like i said before he has a charisma to him that makes him very attractive and just nice to in general but he also is veryyy intellectual! being a nurse and all. he did very well in school and i think people could be into how he can rattle off obscure medical terms. 👀 : Does your OC believe they are attractive? Do they use that to their advantage?

very interesting question actually bc ive never thought abt this hmmmm.... i think he does ? but only because people have told him, i think otheerwise its not like he wouldnt like how he looks or anyhing he just would be very neutral on it. suffice it to say he doesnt use his appearance at all. 👃 : Does your OC smell good? Do they have a signature scent?

i think he would! hes very well groomed and probably often takes showers and probably wears cologne to dates. probably smells a bit woody but with some notes of fruit and like . other smels... probably also has like a slight scent of like blood and stuff since he works at a hospital and which like is worse after he gets home from work but THATS what COLOGNE is for BABEYYY 👂 : Does your OC have an attractive voice?

yes. abel has a deeper voice than vicky IMO its very chill and calming. the only turn off would possibly be that it is very american. vicky winces sometimes at abels accent but hes like whatever .... ill accept it bc ur voice is hot on is own. but yeah guy who could put u to sleep but also? 😳 🚲 : Does your OC enjoy playing the field? Or are they more monogamy-minded?

i think mainly he is much more monogamy minded but knows that its mainly due to pressure from his parents to like settle down and find one person (who he COULD have had kids with if he were straight, they are upset abt possibly no grandkids but he doesnt have to worry abt that anymore <3) but i do think that in his younger years he played around with multiple guys and if it werent for vicky being extremely monogamous, he might in his older years as well 😍 : What does your OC find irresistible in others?

good anatomy /gen. his ideal partner looks like a scientific model in his textbook with visible musculature, this is why hes particularly into mr skin slight muscle and bones vicky. he also likes it when his partner can get him out of his head, bringing him out of his worries or obsessive thinking in general is like a #1 requirement for being anything long term with him 💘 : Is your OC a very good flirt? Are they charming?

YES!! as said before hes very good at the game of conversating but i think in general hes very good at complimenting someone and getting them flushed with double entendres, abel isnt afraid to be crass in a flirtatious way and that definitely gets alot of people on board with Doing Stuff with him. however. sometimes he can be so smooth that it can pass over peoples heads. (vicky) 💋 : Is your OC a good kisser? How do they do it?

actually, i think not really! i know ive been saying abel is great at EVERYTHING romance here but i do think this is where hes lacking a bit! he doesnt have many skills with his tongue despite how often he kisses lads... he just needs more practice ig :/ 🦴 : Does your OC have much sexual experience? What are they like?

yes! well he does with men, i dont think abel has actually ever had any kind of experience with women, kind of knew since he was a kid what he liked and everything. in bed he tends to be much more submissive, preferring to focus on making sure his partners are comfortable and feeling good, though hes not afraid to be more forceful if he really wants something. also as far as top vs bottom. hes a switch so. 💞 : Do they treat sex casually or do they view it as something with a lot of emotional weight?

depends on the partner honestly, i think most of the time with casual partners ofc obvs he treats it much more casually, but with more serious partners it typically carries more weight as hes not afraid to be much more vulnerable with them. but i think that he doesnt prefer one way or the other, he enjoys casual hookups as much as he does more emotional and vulnerable intimate nights with his boyfriends. 🔥 : What’s a surefire way to make your OC get flustered?

probably being very blunt and crass. like not even flirting just like just . you know, just completely no smoothness nothing just going right for the throat metaphorically and maybe literally (like no teasing no nothing just outright desire). it really trips up his game and makes him not really able to counter in a way thats productive and leaves him just kinda like ummmm o/////o... 🧸 : Into public displays of affection or are they more reserved?

oh abel LOVES pda. he loves kissing and holding hands and being sickly sweet in public. he also apparently after taking a look at his nsfw preferences page on toyhouse enjoys other stuff publically as well. so yeah. not reserved in the slightest. 💌 : How would they plan a romantic evening for a significant other?

oh he plans this shit way in advance and has probably several little romantic ideas lined up when he dates someone. sometimes its because he wants to do them and sometimes its bc his partner has mentioned them wanting to do something and so he takes it into account for a future romantic evening. however, this isnt to say he like suprises them or anything, he typically discusses it with them quite a bit in advance before they do anything 💐 : What is their courting style? How would they woo someone?

mostly flirting and doing extreme calculations to see if the person is returning any kind of response even if unconscious. outside of that he does not do anything <3 moreso if they give him no real response to any flirting. however if they do he just dials up the meter and will maybe even invite them over!! 👙 : What kind of underwear do they use? Is it pretty or functional?

Abel wears tighty whiteys, briefs that keep everything in nicely, much more functional than it is pretty but he does make sure not to mess them up or anything and to replace them if theyre looking a little worn. hes a bit vain in that way lol

for vicky:

👀 : Does your OC believe they are attractive? Do they use that to their advantage?

i dont think vicky thinks hes attractive deep down but boys got issues so you know hes deeply projecting that he thinks hes soooo hot and awesome and epic. he'd be so embarrassed if people made fuckin . fancams of him (in a modern au) but he'd play it off like ahhh of course smile, im so hot ofc people want me. also he does use this swagger tthat he projects to his advantage, especially if he detects that a girl is into him (unfortunately this ONLY will happen if its a woman bc if a man is into him at all he will just melt into a puddle)

💌 : How would they plan a romantic evening for a significant other?

see. i dont . think he would. bc i think fundamentally vicky is a bit nervous to fuck everything up. see but thats only with people he really cares about. this is probably how you can tell youre more of a casual hookup with vicky honestly is that he doesnt worry and actually tries to do a romantic evening with you instead of just being sooooo nervous that hes gonna mess smth up and make u hate him forever. anyway real answer for people he doesnt care about and plans these things for: he will make sure its a nice suprise and try to do the most stereotypically romantic things imaginable. heart shaped stuff, things in red, rose petals, etc, the type of stuff that only would really happen or be used in valentines day commercials and romance movies. bc thats what he thinks a romantic evening is :) <- guy who has never had a genuine connection bc he has . been going out w women performatively his whole life.

[gender-i-hardly-know-er]

thinking about the stanley parable

thinking about sanders sides

thinking about the stanley parable and sanders sides

[parkers-gal]

would you be willing to write a taylor!reader? just thinking how cute it would be to see tom and the rest of the world react to london boy 🥺 (sorry for the mistakes, english is not my first language 🥲)

that’s okay !!! your english is great bb :) i got multiple requests for this so here we go <3

(i streamed this song so fucking much… bye)

—

This is the first album you complete own — just you, with all the rights and the master recordings. So, best believe Tom’s throwing a big fucking celebration for the release night.

You’re all gathered in the living with glasses of alcohol in your hands and snacks on the coffee table for self-serving. With the album over an hour long, you’ve decided to skip around the tracks a little bit, letting everyone pick and choose so they can listen to it fully on their own time.

Tom has claimed which track will be the first to play when the clock strikes midnight: London Boy. When you announced the tracklist on social media, there was quite a lot of hype around track eleven, and god almighty you were certain you’d be outed for your complete infatuation for your boyfriend.

“Your secrecy remains no more in just a few minutes, love,” Tom comes up behind you, hand finding a comfortable place on the small of your back while he whispers into your ear, beer in his left hand. You know what he’s talking about before he even utters the words — he just wants to hear this project. You’ve been talking about it for so long, so much that Tom came to the studio a few times.

“Less than a minute!” Harrison shouts with a toothy grin, readjusting himself on the armchair.

“C’mon,” Tom links your hands and drags you over to the couches. You share a loveseat with him, and just as he places his glass on the coffee table, you check the time.

“Oh my god,” you whisper, hand clutching your heart. “It’s out. Oh my-”

“Quick!” Tom interrupts excitedly. “Somebody play London Boy through the speakers!”

“Tom-”

“Shush, love. I’m your fan before anything else.”

You chuckle but give in, clicking the track and letting the intro play. Tom furrows his brows and looks at you for confirmation on who he thinks is speaking.

“James Corden…?”

“Yep,” You smile almost shyly, and it makes Tom coo. “Remember when I had that interview and you were waiting for me backstage?”

Tom nods in understanding before his eyes turn soft. “That’s a cute tribute-y reference.”

“Yeah, yeah,” You wave him off in a state of flux and bashfulness.

The track continues to play, and you gauge Tom’s reaction the entire time. When the first verse mentions an accent, Tom’s reverted back into his memories when you’d first obsessed over how hot his voice and accent is. His eyes turn to you, and he blushes when he realizes your face is scrunched up so you can avoid talking about how mushy you’re being in the song.

“This entire song is just a lyrical Tom Holland obsession,” Harrison pouts. “Gross. You two are gross. Give the world a break.”

“Shut up, I’m trying to listen, you div!” Tom flicks Harrison’s knee and the blonde feigns a dramatic gasp while you chuckle to yourself.

The end of the chorus makes Tom’s eyes widen, realizing how knee deep you are in this song — it’s the entirety of your feelings for Tom summarized in one song. He doesn’t know if he should kiss you, scream in excitement, or sing along. He decides that at some point tonight he’ll end up doing all three.

At the end of the second verse, when the music is narrowed down to merely your voice, Tom loses his cool. You hide your face in your hands, pushed over the edge in shyness.

“Love,” Tom coos, pulling your hands away from your face and intertwining your fingers. “That is my favorite song in the entire fucking world. You are literally the cutest person I have ever met- and you wrote a song about me?” His entire expression softens and he looks like a human puppy. He’s like a teddy bear, and as he pulls you into his embrace, you hum in content and decide that he is a teddy bear.

“Okay, I’d hate to break up whatever mushy grossness this is,” Harrison pipes up, face in his phone, “But twitter is freaking out. Like a lot. If I were you I’d-” “Oh shit, I forgot about the babes,” You pull away from Tom, hand reaching for your phone that’s charging on the small table beside the arm of the couch. Your fingers work faster than your mind, and before you know it, your eyes are flooded with messages from both yours and Tom’s fans.

“anyone peeping london boy??? 👀”

“wait but y/n totally wrote this abt tom… 😩”

“NO BUT THE PUB AND RUGBY LINE… THIS IS SO TOM”

Not only was your timeline full of hype about the track, but it was trending number two in the United States alone, with over 30 thousand tweets in less than an hour.

You glance up after a few quiet moments, eyes locking with Tom’s. Your jaw drops in surprise, something that causes Tom to chuckle breathily.

“Love,” He clicks the off button of his cell phone. “You’re trending on twitter.”

“Me? You’re the one who’s trending too!”

“I’m not the one who wrote the song!”

You scrunch your face with a small whine, head falling into Tom’s chest in a huffy hug. He laughs again, and he can tell how flustered you’re getting.

“Just love you a lot, ‘s all,” You mumble into his shirt, stumbled hands gripping his. Tom’s movements falter as a blush coats his cheeks. He glances down into his lap, where your head lays in embarrassment.

“Yeah?” His hand smoothes over your hair sweetly. “I love being your London boy.”

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[rint4rous]

hogwarts au! oikawa

a/n: wrote this with a bad headache LMAO so if you see mistakes no you didnt <3

yeah help

anyway

oikawa toru

sixth year slytherin

captain of slytherin quidditch team

this one. very popular with the girls.

always gets gifts and confessed to, he turns them all down nicely tho

he flirts with them a little but never goes out with anyone

thanks but no thanks, hes focusing on quidditch

mostly hangs out with hanamaki, matsukawa, and iwaizumi

you, sixth year gryffindor

a chaser for the quidditch team

actually you and oikawa had a bit of a rivalry thing going on

because oikawa was getting good grades AND is good at quidditch

and it doesnt even look like hes trying.

and he lowkey comes off as arrogant sometimes

and youre like i hate geniuses

the two of you met during first year when he tried playfully hitting iwa in the hallway but iwa dodged

and you happen to be speedwalking past and then next thing you know you get slapped???

you stop walking and turn to oikawa

hes like HOLY CRAPDFHJSHJR

“I AM SO SORRY-”

“it’s alright!”

“are you sure??”

“yeah, it was an accident, right? …. unless it wasnt?”

“NO I SWEAR IT WAS AN ACCIDENT”

“i thought so! see you ‘round!”

then you skip away

yeah. yall dont really start competing and shit until you found out your mom and his mom had BEEF??? WHEN THEY WERE IN SCHOOL????

you found that out at the end of first year

“i heard tachibana’s son is in your year. or i guess she’s oikawa now.”

youre like yeah what about it

“my dearest y/n, you’re a smart little girl, okay?”

“so make sure you’re better than that oikawa kid, alright?”

and little innocent you is like “ok”

so start of second year, you study and work extra hard

but here’s perfect little oikawa who always knocks you down to second place

at first youre like. i’ll just work harder!

and he joins quidditch and so do you

so you try hard at that too

you’re not like a sore loser or anything so when slytherin wins you shake his hand with a smile

but by the end of the year you’re just kinda :/ now because you never see him studying or practicing spells so how the fuck is he BETTER THAN YOU AT EVERYTHING!!! ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!

third year you come into school with like not very good feelings abt oikawa

and your mom was on your ass about your grades and you’re like omfggg im TRYING OKAY IM TRYING SO HARD

too bad tho thats when he starts liking you …

middle of third year is when you start expressing those feelings for oikawa out loud

“i hate self-centered geniuses. come back down to earth, will you.”

he heard you say when test results came back

and hes like is she talking abt me? lol nah shes probably talking about stupid ushijima over there

and then he finds out you were in fact talking abt him

hes kinda hurt lol

then when the new term rolls in

and the two of you just start talking shit about each other and start arguing all the time

“what’s the answer, l/n?”

“fairy wings.”

“oh my bad, i didn’t realize she said oikawa, and not l/n.”

“oh sorry, i thought you wouldn’t know the answer so i answered for you! i saved you from embarrassing yourself. you’re welcome~”

your seatmate yaku was holding you down with all his might and HOW IS LITTLE MAN ABLE TO HOLD YOU BACK HIS GRIP IS STRONG BRO

the whole class s ighs here we go AGAIN

the teacher doesnt even bother sending you guys out to hall anymore because this happens so much

you always try to sabotage each other in potions

one time his eyebrows almost burned off after his potion exploded in his face

makki and mattsun like LMFAOWFEHERGUYER

then when the year ends you’re like ranting to your mom like “i hate geniuses. who does he think he is? just because he can beat me at everything?? i’ll show him. i’ll make him eat dirt in the field. i’ll wipe that dumb smirk off his face. i’ll-”

your mom: omg my little baby so full of hate just like her momma

fourth year you’re so determined to beat oikawa at something

he sees you in the library, unprovoked, once and he comes up from behind you like

“aw, is l/n gonna try beating me again this year? you know there’s no point in trying.”

you: hold it in hold it in hold it in YOU’RE MATURE NOW Y/N L/N. YOU SHOULD BE MORE MATURE THAN THIS DIMWIT IN FRONT OF YOU. inhale exhale inhale exhale

“aw, is oikawa gonna try beating ushiwaka in quidditch again this year? you know there’s no point in trying.”

way to be mature

poor oikawa tho you pressed a wrong button so he just leaves silently

you kinda regret it after

so this year goes like the last and so does the next

“arent you tired?? of competing with oikawa all the time??” your friend semi asked you

“kind of”

“then stop?? you dont have to fulfill your mom’s high school revenge lmao”

“ughh eita i know but im too far in”

one time you were out breaking curfew #savage

no but seriously you couldn’t sleep so you thought some fresh air will help, the dorms were super suffocating right now

you were stressed after your mom’s monthly letter

beat oikawa this beat oikawa that

you turn at a corner and you see the man himself, ALSO BREAKING CURFEW

now the both of you are looking at each other like 👁👄👁

“GOD L/N I THOUGHT YOU WERE A TEACHER I NEARLY DIED FROM A HEART ATTACK”

“shush before we both get caught”

“right sorry sorry”

“so what the hell are you doing breaking curfew.”

“what are you doing breaking curfew.”

“i asked you first”

“so?”

“just answer the question, oikawa.”

he looks around, making sure the coast was clear before he motions you over to him and as you walk towards him

you see the door hes standing in front of

he drags you in there and what you see is

a bunch of practice dummies

“yeah i,, practice my spells here at night. contrary to popular belief i’m not a genius like ushiwaka or tobio. i’m flattered you think so, though.”

and youre like he... actually practices?? he is actually human?

“what’s with that look? you wanna join me practice at night?”

“as if-” and then you see the book of spells and you guys aren’t even learning any of this YET. and you are determined not to fall behind oikawa “sure.”

oikawas like pardon?

you: i SAID SURE.

and so now at night you practice spells together

only because you want to beat him as if

the arguing goes down a little because you get caught up in beating each other at who gets to do the spell right first that practice runs super late sometimes and you dont have energy to fight with each other that early

everybodys like ??? huh????

but then you’re back to the usual bs in the afternoon and everybodys like oh okay so the world isnt ending yet

so anyway !! yall are practicing again

you’re pointing your wand at a practice dummy and trying to focus so you dont accidentally do something dumb

"hey why do you hate me so much?”

LITERALLY CATCHES YOU OFF GUARD AND BREAKS YOUR FOCUS

“it’s not because i hit you when we were first years right? it really was an accident i swear-”

“you still remember that?”

“well yeah… because i cant think of any other reason why you don’t like me.”

“um… trying too hard to please my mom, i guess. what about you? why did you try so hard to beat me at everything?” you ask, regaining your focus for the charm

“idk, you never paid attention to me unless i did.”

you scoff, “why? you don’t like me or anything, do you?”

“i do tho??”

he literally said that just before you chanted the spell and you got caught off guard and

“stupefy!”

it almost hits oikawa

oikawa: WHAT DID I DO

you: SHITHEAD DONT SAY THAT WHEN IM ABOUT TO DO SOMETHFIBEFH

“HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN???”

“I DONT KNOW IT WAS FUN COMPETING WITH YOU WHEN WE WERE SECOND YEARS AND IT JUST DID?? I TRIED SO HARD SO I CAN IMPRESS YOU AND I GUESS MY PLAN BACKFIRED BECAUSE I DONT THINK YOU LIKE ME VERY MUCH”

now youre staring at each other and you’re both red

he kinda quiets down “and you’re a better rival than ushijima anyway. i don’t mean any of the stuff i said, i swear. i know you don’t like me but i just needed to let that out or i will go insane.”

and hes just looking down all shy

at this point you actually dont know if you like oikawa or not

i mean??? you spent like 3 years butting heads with this dude

and he liked you the whole time?? hes crazy this man is crazy.

maybe you were just in denial the whole time

because?? you could’ve stopped competing with him at everything

maybe you did enjoy it somehow

he did make your life at school interesting

“let’s go out on a few dates and we’ll see.”

his head just whips up and his eyes like light up and hes so EXCITED

in the time before you officially started dating

you find out from iwaizumi that even tho he smiles at a lot of girls its actually rarely genuine the only girl hes ever seen oikawa smile about genuinely was you

and that his mom actually didnt approve of him playing quidditch at first because he had a bad knee but he pushed for it because he really wanted to

he has like a smug and a flippant demeanor but hes very attentive and super caring !!

hes super passionate and hard working at what he does and

i guess now you finally realize you are falling

it takes five dates until the two of you officially start going out

if you tell third year you that you were dating oikawa she would never believe it but here you are, walking to class with him

when the two of you walked in the classroom talking

like TALKING NORMALLY AND NOT THE USUAL “i will choke you in your sleep” “ooh, kinda k-” “don’t”

it was already sus when the arguing toned down a bit but now that its like. REALLY GONE?? everybody is so confused

LMFAO matsukawa asks like “what happened?? are you guys broken?”

“no???”

“how rude! dearest y/n and i are dating now!”

everybody in this class: see now thats crazy. that is crazy.

makki: maybe we didnt hear him right. say that again oikawa

oikawa: me and y/n are dating.

everybody: oh okay bc we thought you said you and l/n were dat- WAIT SO YOU AND L/N REALLY ARE TOGETHER??? 

you: unfortunately

oikawa: h-hey :((((

everybody: SO WE DONT GOTTA LISTEN TO YALL ARGUE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING??? YOU HAVE TO TREAT THE WHOLE CLASS TO BUTTERBEER I THINK WE DESERVE IT AFTER THESE THREE YEARS OF CONSTANT YELLING

nobody was as SHOCKED as your moms

“y/n, baby, i know i did not just hear you say you’re dating the oikawa kid. repeat that for momma again.”

“i’m dating the oikawa kid.”

like?? MOM THIS WAS TECHNICALLY UR FAULT

“so toru, what did you wanna tell me?”

“i have a girlfriend now! her name is y/n l/n.”

“l/n? surely not THAT l/n’s daughter, right?”

“oh it is that l/n.”

when your families have dinner together for the first time

THE TENSION LMFAO

but they do try hard to get along. they try super hard.

they start getting along because MAN YOU AND OIKAWA WERE SOO CUTE AND THEY WANT YOU TO GET MARRIED AND THEY HAVE TO GET ALONG IF THEY WANT IT TO HAPPEN. THEIR GRANDKIDS ARE GONNA BE SO CUTE!!!

“ma, we haven’t graduated yet-”

your mom, ignoring you: THEYRE GOING TO HAVE THE CUTEST HAIR

oikawa’s mom: AND THEY’RE GOING TO BE SUPER SMART LIKE THEIR PARENTS!

your mom: AND WE’LL BE THE BEST GRANDMAS.

momma oiks: PERIOD!

steals your books from you in the halls so he can carry it for you

you tease each other with pet names and shit???

he’ll try to kiss your cheek in the hall but iwa grabs the back of his robe and pulls him away “you’re gross”

“you’re just jealous iwa!!”

when your houses arent playing each other, he goes to your games and vice versa!

tries to distract you in the field

“hey beautiful”

“toru don’t or i will make iwa knock you off your broom.”

“you're so mean”

so anyways yall r couple goals

"listen well, kindaichi, kunimi, your senior is showing you how to get girls.”

kunimi, without looking up from his book: what are you gonna teach us? accidentally slap the girl and get her to hate you for three years while you secretly pine over her during that time before confessing that you liked her the whole time and you go out on five dates and officially start dating? too much work

oikawa: LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT

[cosmicbash]

no but like oh my god, imagine if kells only has sex with em bc that’s the only way he can think of repaying the rapper??? christ, like, he only thinks of em’s own pleasure instead of his own, using his body as an apology, bc that’s the only way he knows how (i mean there’s his music too, but he thinks em fucking hates his music) ((idk might write abt this, but i kinda want u to kickstart it uknow?))

Yess yess yess I love this.

It starts out as a misunderstanding, of course, because how else would their relationship begin?

A series of short tentative chats that somehow blossom into a full on dinner together, Colson sweating and more anxious than he's ever been in his life. It just doesn't seem real, that not only could he be mending this feud with his idol but also sitting across from him at some fancy restaurant table learning Eminem eats his steaks well done like some child. And laughing about it. 

He's actually laughing. With his idol, his rival, his highschool crush. Long legs kicking out under the table at his own bad jokes, Em half smirking back at him. Their feet brushing one too many times for the color to leave his cheeks even after he's done giggling.

By the time Colson is talking Em into splitting some crazy good looking chocolate cake he actually feels better than he has in years. Since before the beef. So of course something has to go wrong. It really would have to be a dream for things not to sour.

He wants to pretend the first few flirty comments are in his head. That Em reaching across the table to roughly rub some chocolate off his cheek is a Detroit thing. But by the time they're finished eating and waiting for the check Colson's creeping suspicion has turned into full on alarm bells blaring. There's just no way to excuse the nervous looks or Em's almost hesitant invitation up to his hotel room. 

It feels like a slap to the face. Everything suddenly makes sense. Why they're eating in the other rapper's hotel, why Em is even speaking to him. None of this is to repair their relationship or end the beef. It's all just some poorly hidden buttering up before Em asks him to get down on his knees. 

Colson should blow up. He should just lash out and throw his fist into Em's face. Storm out and flag down the valet. He's not some escort that the rapper can rent for the night and feed a fancy dinner to.

But there's that guilty feeling that has settled into the pit of his stomach. The one that's been there since he first lashed out and ruined everything with his diss track, the comments about Hailey, his childish bitching in interviews. It's only doubled since they first sat down to eat. Every muffled chuckle and weakly hidden smile from the older man digging that pit deeper and deeper. Showing him what he carelessly threw away in some desperate grab for attention.

It's got a small voice in the back of Colson's head warning him how if he says no and storms out he's just doing the same thing all over again, cutting Em out of his life. This time possibly forever.

So Colson bites his tongue and nods. His fingers anxiously climbing up into his hair to help hide the guilty look he knows must be on his face when he stutters out a "y-yeah, yeah, sure."

The genuine smile Em flashes back at him at his agreement just feels like a knife being jammed next to the shovel.

How can the man look so fucking blissful about something that feels like borderline blackmail?

But Em does. He looks stunned, downright flustered even at first at his response. Then happy. A happy that isn't hidden by some fake cough or behind a delicate yet strong looking hand for once. It gives Colson something precious to hold onto in the sea of uncomfortable and nasty emotions twisting up his stomach while the older rapper pays. 

The knot just twists itself up tighter once they're in the elevator, his silence thankfully brushed off as nervousness by Em. The almost shy glance of steely blue eyes his way making him feel so small while buttons are pressed. Usually Colson would blame this kind of nausea on the ride itself, but for once his phobia of the small metal deathtraps is actually being overpowered. A new fear worming its way through his guts as each floor number blinks to life.

He doesn't want to freak out. To run away, but hes too goddamn sober for this. Avoiding smoking and turning down the offer of wine at dinner just to try and impress his idol was threatening to be his downfall. If he'd known Em was going to show such little respect and consideration to his being like this he would have lit a fat one up right there at the table. Hell, maybe that would have changed the older man's mind about propositioning him in the first place. Surely a druggie asshole was less appealing to make drop to their knees instead of his current carefully put together primped and meek self.

"Only a few more floors. Don't go green on me just yet Kelly." 

Colson didn't know whether to take the playful nudge as comforting or creepy. Maybe, a little flattering? If Em had actually looked into him enough to learn about his problem with elevators and the man just wasn't guessing off the apparent discolor of his face that is.

"Y-yeah."

Imagining Eminem of all people actually following his interviews or caring about his personal life that much felt like a pipe dream though. 

Outside of the next 20 minutes or however long it took for the bastard to get his rocks off he highly doubted Em would put much thought into his existence at all. Which would be fair. After all the shit he's said and done he really doesn't deserve the time of day from his idol. 

A ding and the elevator doors were opening. Colson's legs feeling numb beneath him when he finally lets go of the railing in the elevator to stumble forward. Thankful that Em's focus was on digging his room's keycard out of his wallet and not his clumsy steps. Each one bringing them closer and closer to their destination, making the whole situation so vividly real he couldn't help but panic again. The other man's forced small talk about how he "Doesn't usually book the penthouse suite-" falling on deaf ears.

It’s ironic, how often he had dreamed for this exact scenario. For Eminem to be leading him up to some fancy high end hotel room, promising to shower him fully in his attention and gaze. Only now, with his dream coming true right before his eyes he can’t help but feel bittersweet about the heated gaze holding him frozen just outside the door. Em’s final offer for him to back down before they both step through the threshold clear as day in the look.

The twist in his gut tells Colson to take it, to just spin around on his heel and run away with his tail tucked between his legs. Accept he’s too much of a coward and too full of himself to actually mend their beef.

But the desperate need he feels for forgiveness and absolvement pushes Colson forward instead. Sheer will alone giving him the confidence to twirl his idols hoodie strings around his fingers to drag Em inside with him. The loud beat of his heart completely smothering the other man’s flustered outburst. 

Just like in church the blonde finds himself on his knees not too long after entering. Mouth open and hands clasped together, ready to ask for forgiveness. Except this god he’s praying to is running it’s fingers through his hair, and there’s a stiff cock separating his palms. A chorus of curses and “Holy fuck, K-Kelly just wait a second, shit, your tongue is-“ tickling his ears instead of hymns.

He’s never sucked a cock before, and it’s embarrassing how quickly he finds himself choking. But Colson doesn’t give up, even when his jaw starts to ache and the grip on his hair grows a bit too tight. His discomfort doesn’t matter here. He just needs to make Em happy, earn the forgiveness he doesn’t deserve.

“Can I- fuck, can I fuck your face?” Both of the older rapper’s palms are holding his bangs away from his face, tilting his head back just enough to force their eyes to meet. The shame in his chest doubles but so does the surprising tightness in his jeans when he sees the uncharacteristic flush to Em’s cheeks.

He isn’t experienced, the smart thing to do would be pull off and admit that. He’s seen first hand how disastrous things can go but his head bobs in a yes anyway. Eyes already starting to water from how the action jabs the other rappers cock right against his gag reflex.

A low groan is all the warning he gets before Em’s fingers are knotting in his hair, forcing his head down to meet the thrust of strong hips. Stuffing that hard dick down his throat so fast it burns and his hands can’t help but flail, helplessly grabbing onto the meat of the older rapper’s thighs through his sweats. Unable to even steal another gasp of air before it happens again. Em’s hips pistoning forward to fuck his mouth like some cheap replaceable toy. 

Even after he gags and gurgles spit the rapper doesn’t stop. 

The harsh pants of praise and encouragement burning his ears just as hotly as the tears in his eyes. “Ah, so good. So fucking good baby, the best, ah-“

Colson doesn’t know what’s worse, how quickly his heart skips at the surprise tern of endearment or how pathetically his cock jerks in his underwear. Not that he has much time to think on it with how Em abruptly forces his face right down to the bone, soft and scratchy pubes tickling his nose. Startling him before the other man’s blowing his load, Colson’s eyes widening and nails cutting deeply into Em’s legs while he chokes. There’s too much, even with his throat reflexively swallowing it still fills up his mouth and bursts out the sides. Dripping down his chin and out onto his shirt when Em finally pulls him off.

It’s salty, and thick. Nothing like the eggnog Rook’s joked to him it tastes like. There’s nothing sweet about this thick cream, even if the lightheaded feeling he’s got from milking it out still makes him feel drunk. 

“Shit. I wanna take a picture.“ Em’s palm is tilting his head back again, dragging his glassy eyes up away from the twitching spit slick cock in front of him. Thumb forcing his tongue down flat to flash what he can only imagine has to be a white mess before the hand in his hair is fumbling out a phone. “Can I?”

He almost wants to laugh at how the brunette doesn’t even wait for his answer before there is the unmistakable flash of a phone light temporarily blinding him. A curse and then another two, these ones at least allowing him the chance to shut his eyes tightly.

The shame within him is boiling, burning through his veins like lava and making his heart drop down into his stomach.

“So pretty-“ Em’s fingers are releasing his tongue and jaw to rake through his bangs yet again. Exposing his face even though Colson wants nothing more than to hide. A stifled sob tearing at his aching throat while he swallows what he can inside his mouth without completely gagging.

He can’t cry. That would ruin the mood wouldn't it? And if it doesn't, Colson doesn't know how he would handle having Em laugh at his tears. The almost soft demeanor and shy quality to his tone is all thats keeping the blonde from running away as it is. 

The shuffle of shoes and curl of strong fingers pulling him up startles Colson's eyes back open. Lashes fluttering to blink away the brief flash of wetness that's blurred his vision before he realizes he's being kissed. That Em's palms are cupping his jaw yet again, helping him to his feet. 

It's scratchy, and softer than he expects. Not that he was expecting Eminem to be kissing him in the first place, but the man doesn't relent. Just keeps kissing him, even after he's grown to his full height and the angle of their heads has switched. Em's tongue snaking its way inside his mouth while they stumble back further into the room. Until Colson's head is feeling fuzzy and his knees weak, the cushioned crash of his body hitting a mattress barely felt.

It feels wrong when Em's hands smooth up over his chest and down inside his jeans. The uncontrollable kick of his hips up into a tight hand around his cock almost blasphemous. There's no reason for Em to even be bothering with touching him there, he doesn't deserve it. But the rapper is sucking and nibbling along his neck, up into his ear to whisper a dozen filthy praises and compliments. None of them possibly true.

"So pretty-" "Perfect-" "Wanted to touch you for so long-" 

"Stop-" Colson's hands feel shaky as they drag his idols face back up to meet his in a messy kiss. Breath tight while he tries to speak between pecks. "Just- fuck, just hurry-"

When he winds up on his stomach some point into the night, Em's too big cock pressing hard against his entrance he can't help but cry out. The pitiful fist he shoves between his own teeth doing nothing to stifle the sound.

It hurts, more than the thin fingers he'd taken only moments prior. But not as much as the soothing shushes and affectionate run of hands through his hair. 

----

(Okay so this has set in my docs wayyyy too long now and you said you just wanted it maybe even as a kickstart so 🤲🤲 here is my humble offering)

[staysuki]

aaaaaa i finally read EHALOJ aaaaaa puchaaaaaaa

seungmin had those pogi typings going on lmao i love it v much huhu he was really an ass at the start but i still could bring myself to hate him 👁💧👄💧👁 idk if its automatic bc hes my bias or wut xd

moving on i honestly dont know who to ship y/n with :”> im debating on hyunjin and lee know. and yeji my queen uGh 🤨☹️😠😐 but whatever, INTEOTW yeji has my full heart. hyunjin is oblivious af but i still cant say much since i wouldnt really also believe if someone dearly close to me is a bitch irl even if the signs are 13628 inch by 28251 inch big, colored red with christmas lights.

aaaaa lee know and y/n has those history going on tHat makes me kilig ehe ehe but the typical and cliche ‘main character changed bad boy’ is 🥵 BTCH IDK WHO TO 🚢 ANYMORE 😠 sorry felix but ur bromance with jisung is more than fine already.

anyways the focus is BARELY on seungmin but i keep thinking about him ugh ✨ biaz tingz ✨ thankfully your seungmin smau already started xd

omg you re so good at antagonising people wtf 🤩 like literally all your works have the most detestable characters bc of how hurtful and toxic their dialogue sounds 😎 ur so very super duper amazing x9999 at writing, believe me 😭 you always incorporate the right amount of crack and dark thrilling shit in your stories uWu

BTW I THINK the dates. chapter link is broken on the masterlist and the next button on ch 19. i accidentally skipped ch 20 but thankfully i noticed it bc i got confused since lee know stated on ch 21 that y/n didnt answer him when he asked her on a date wHEN i didnt read anything abt him making a move. i got to the dates. chapter, ch 20, by clicking previous on chapter 21 though. hOPEFULLY U GOT WHAT I EXPLAINED 😭

im soooo excited for the next chapters huhu you did so well like di ako mapakali aYAN GANDANG GANDA AKO NAPA TAGALOG 💀 rly good job 👏

so i checked the playlist you shared and all the songs there are exactly my vibes 😭 they are the singers i listen to and i agree 100% that it hits home. OMG ZACKS VOICE IN BINIBINI SOUNDS SOOO SIMILAR TO HYUNJIN SHXHWHXHWHDHWHS IDK WHY BUT I THOUGHT ABT IT AND I CANT GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD HUHUHU 😭😭😭😭

huhuhu neways its 11 pm here, i might read a few more fics before heading to bed. hows ur day btw?

- bs

uy omg ok 👁

POGI TYPINGS PLS 💀. true, we can never hate seungmin 😤.

and yes hehe, the ships are ALL OVER THE PLACE one’s going to antartica while one’s going to florida or smth idk. but my goal is to just pull on everyone’s strings with that one since i don’t really plan to focus on the romance that much, it’s really more of a slice of life story with shitty people in the mix or smth. but there wILL be an endgoal boy. the key is that even i don’t know who it is 🥴❓ makes it more unpredictable, no? but it probably won’t be until long. i plan on focusing on every character and give them beautiful developments so that’s how many arcs(?) 😀, probs overambitious here but i’m excited to try and make a longer smau after rushing my previous ones + i have a lot of notes for EHALOJ from when i started planning it a long time ago so i already have a basis for season 2 once i start it in the VERY DISTANT FUTURE.

i made INTEOTW yeji the way she is to make up for the fact that she’s one of the antagonists in this story :,). that’s kind of like my own pattern, i want balance. also hyunjin being gaslit by his own sister 😔💔💔💔.

minho ship looking promising for you huh 🥴. felix kinda came out of left field but isn’t he such a cutie. literally everyone’s rooting for yongbokie but i don’t blame em, he’s not like INTEOTW felix huhu.

SECRETARY KIM is a busy man 😤 let him do his job. kim seungmin smau is indeed out and it’s a new character trope!! no more tsundere, confident, and/or snarky seungmin 😌 i’m moving out of the stereotypes here.

and also thank you!!! that means a lot. ngl, i feel like i overdo it(??) like, i want villains to be “real people” and not outright “people made to be villains” ifykwim, i don’t want them to be hated because “hey i’m obviously a shitty person!!!” but because they’re complex and not some 2d bond villain. but idk, maybe i didn’t really have a choice with EHALOJ yeji because SHE IS just like that 🤔. hyunjin is in mental turmoil even. probably my favorite “antagonist” moment would have to be dark seungmin in the earliest chapters. but thank you for the compliments, i love writing dialogue, even my editor irl (for my non-tumblr works) always compliments my dialogue dynamic writing so that’s why i stuck to smaus, it’s just dialogue all the time 🤪. i was a bit afraid the EHALOJ might be a bit too dark to garner any attention (bc nobody wants to see their faves antagonized, valid) but i’m glad i took the risk, it was hard to get through but it’s honestly one of my hate-favorite works and i’m glad others seem to enjoy the twists and turns too despite the obvious lack of focus in the romance.

AND YES I FIXED THE LINKS. SOMEBODY ELSE POINTED IT OUT. HOW EMBARRASSING. MY QUALITY CONTROL IS GETTING BAD 😭💔

and tHANK YOU huhu, i swear it’s finished na, just all queued up hehe, not gonna dump it no no no 👆👇👆, i will follow a fixed schedule of uploading every three days. i think there’s five chapters left in the good ol basement. one of my irks too is that i don’t want smau chapters to be released in succession bc i don’t want people to just see smaus when they scroll through my feed so like, if i already have a lot of buffer posts in between like asks or self updates then i might update early. if not, then imma post other randoms in between.

HWANG HYUNJIN AS FRAT BOY NA TAGA BGC SUPERIORITY. medyo napa 🤨🤨🤨 ako sa exbattallion, that group is such a meme (i remember when socmed was tRASHING pauwi nako for being cringe) but i just respect the vibes and listened to everything 😤. AND SEEEEEEEE. THEIR VOICES ARE SIMILAR OMFG I CANNOT.

my day went great! celebrated my mom’s birthday. out to get tattoos once again. hope you have a good sleep, i’ll always be making fics for you to read 😌♥️ how’s ur day.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

comet, moon, pluto, aquila, protostar

Thank You vm

Comet- What are you currently frustrated about?

lmaooo oh you know at any given time i’m weaving this rich tapestry of continual frustrations lol.....i’d say i’m in an Upswing Period of [simmering frustration levels closer to the surface] lately too lol like earlier in the week i pushed through a day or two there more casually but then it was like ah jeez here comes the malaise. more specifically today, even just before sitting down to answer this, i emerged from the bathroom to find there was a “dog has pooped inside despite having been outside within the last 10 min” shituation, which was wonderful.....annoyed from Waking by “smh at not being able to adjust my nocturnality, still frustrated about the near success of last friday being thwarted by the dead of night hammering debacle,” & regular Antagonizing Audio issues, aka being stressed by both the [loud, alarming] type sound & the [gross textural misophonia hell] type.....earlier i was like “where is the dish sponge” (still don’t know) & went to get a new, packaged one which had been in a drawer, but that one was gone too, good that there’s no pressing need to wash dishes rn i guess.....still struggling with the “well i guess i’m trying to put myself out there Socially” attempt to find relevant public discords, being generally overwhelmed as actually talking to randos in a group is A Lot & in theory it’s like well you meet someone Specific you’d enjoy talking to & branch off from there but unfortunately you can’t just skip to that step, also i do not genuinely Expect to get to that step either way, also i am not easily finding servers in the 1st place b/c it’s like, well i talk about Interests but what am i interested in? who knows. don’t do art “seriously” enough to rly wanna discuss it much, thought abt Language Learning but one i found wants you to have a verified account lmao like, no thanks. in theory i enjoy Socializing some but in practice it is sure a trial & i have not said anything to anyone anywhere yet, just a “well, not sure what else i could do here situation,” in theory take up an In Person hobby / group to make it all easier but that’s not happening. which, i was also Frustrated remembering oh right i spent a year as measured by my personal age in 1 location, both Pandemic & other [society] problems, & speaking of Interests & Hobbies not having them, i was also >:| over something having kicked in my Math Sensibilities (aka that i like math) & wondering like, would i have enjoyed getting more into math / some particular application, who knows, same but also even more so re: other things i get the sense i’m quite Into, like learning languages & ~performing arts~, which, i at least took math / math related classes into college level courses, which is not true for those other things (took a Language Class: never, took a theatre / drama class: for 1/4 of the schoolyear in 7th grade, & prior to that, just did a scene or two of a play in english class 4th grade, & the approx decade extracurricular of ballet, which is related but of course a different thing. anyhow, annoyed that i Simply Do Not Know & hardly see opportunities to find out on the horizon, although who knows.....which is related to being frustrated about [Society] some more like, thinking about “boy how different would it be if people were guaranteed the right to Essentials For Life like housing, food, medical care, both electricity & the internet Now A Days...” like, agonizing What If there, it is all so unnecessary that It Is Like This......just now someone made an unnecessary Post lmfao thank you xkit.......oh right, i was Frustrated, with an emphasis In Aro / Ace, about Media & Life, what else is new & then, you know, musings on The Theoretical Future & One’s Personal Past that would become even more of a like, audioscape: therapy session topic, these are frustrating things. and all of this answer has been stuff i remember getting Frustrated about in the past 24 hours. Also!!! that last night i was like, i want to play scrabble, so i looked up an online game but the Computer settings are a nightmare like, as far as i could tell the Difficulty settings were mostly attuned to Average Word Length but it was like, yeah you’re playing against this opponent given this effective total familiarity with the most obscure / archaic shit in the scrabble dictionary, not even simply the like, q words / two letter words ppl might happen to know specifically for the purposes of scrabble. there was also no “new game” button?? just had to refresh the page? smh. oh lmfao! also! you Know i was frustrated thinking about Billions, the series / interest that antagonizes you, jokes on you when you hone in on the Quant where it’s like, is he just meant to be the guy who sucks, plus he’s got depression....suppose they do at least handle him w/some sympathy / nonzero Care for this Char acter, but smh at sighing about [bracing yourself for anything promising (cough riawin) to spiral into disaster one way or another, whether it turns into a joke or plot device or just something introduced / built up / demolished for ambient drama/conflict].....what else is new. the periodic cycles of Billions Thoughts lol. was just frustrated at a video’s Editing Cadence basically lmfao. i also find it grating when the word “the jab” is used in tweets re: vaccination, which i just saw, presumably in the same sort of way where i automatically dislike the phrase To Be Fair or referring to food/eating with “fill / filling” or any variants lmfao, or earnest use of the description “hearty”......some words i hate the sound of no matter what, some i hate to hear used in a particular phrase / context......need to simply stop doing things in the middle of answering this b/c it will inevitably involve Frustrations lmfaooo. oh also i was annoyed to wake up to a clear sky. where’s that overcast atmosphere

Moon- Are you currently reading any books? If so, what book(s)?

i am not, but i’ve been considering it! just inconvenient b/c a) i gotta like, choose what book/s to read, & b) i have to read via laptop, which is kind of a pain, & c) like with everything, i always tend to basically read stuff all at once, but i’m also a slow reader lmao, so it’s like, okay, i’m probably basically devoting days on end to Reading Through whatever.....

Pluto- If you could meet anyone, alive or dead, who would you meet?

another classic Fascinating Answer of “i dunno” lol, i’ve never really had a go to answer for this or anything that’s particularly leapt out.....plus re: how i tend to feel nervous with on the spot socializing, the concept of like “if you could have dinner with someone” is too much lmfao like, a waste of time, i’d simply Be Nervous my way completely through it. the only way i could think of things is like, here i go giving someone an interview, i guess, and whomst tf would i feel Prepared to talk to lmfao. relevant to interests it’s like well of course you could ask w. roland things the in depth secret jared questions, or Any questions about quant n billions, but then it’s also like, well, there’s the questions I already have an answer for lol & either you have the same answer or i have a mini monologue, not like i don’t speak in mini monologues all the time if i have something to say at all, and my Questions go like that too lmfao, a disaster already trying to ask people about pertinent Information......never able to think of things re: people who have died, i suppose there’s fun answers re: like, getting lost / unknown Historical Info......when it comes to meeting people i don’t really consider it much in advance b/c i am nervous about everything & aware that any interacting is a Challenge lmfao. whenever these things actually happen, it’s hardly always a disaster, but i’m just improvising in the end. also, i could meet people i actually know but have never met, i.e. you, who i talk to but we are Virtual & Pandemic’d & etc & so on. but i suppose that’s kind of a given lol

Aquila- Do you prefer to read books or watch movies?

i think movies are less Involved for me, like, even if it takes me 3x their runtime (or longer) to watch any videos thanks to getting distracted & stuff, still quicker than i read a book, & unless i’m watching something for the first time and/or really wanting to properly pay attention, i can do other things while putting a movie on, whereas if i’m reading that’s the One Thing i can be doing. but overall i’m like “media, what media” whichever format lol like. haven’t consumed things, don’t often think of specific works i want/plan to consume, don’t often get around to it, etc. classique.....

Protostar- Give a random fact about yourself.

speaking of classic, me struggling to recall 101 info about myself or answer not that out there Questions, but when it’s like “alright hater what are you disgruntled about now” it’s like, Deep Inhale lmfao, but [are you okay? Is Anyone].jpeg on that one as well, we are out here......uh i’m sure i’ve said it before but i’m around 5′11″? maybe 6 ft tall but that might be overdoing it. sort of Average Tall but i am always literally looking down on people lmao.....and bumping my head into a low hanging light fixture around here.....

[cleaduvalls]

i watched “spy kids” 4 times in 1 week and here are my thoughts

carmen your nightgown is like 200 years old, get a new one

you clearly know this story by heart, you’re saying parts of it. why are you questioning what “take him out” means

a double wig should be more obvious than that

we can see that that’s a glass elevator. people can see you changing, ingrid

nice hat

why did you kill the swan

is that paul rudd???????

how are jets ripping pages out of a book

heart shaped parachutes shouldn’t be working that well

why is there a guitar on your bed. how do you sleep

i think the kids would have seen the track in the floor at SOME point

why is there a jungle gym in their house. i know they’re spies but who has a jungle gym.... in their HOUSE

carmen you’re a frog

i think juni just legitimately try to kill carmen

why are both parents going to school. is that like, a Thing????

juni how do you do that

who puts a video screen in the front seat

hey look its floop. love that guy

they’re not picking on you for the bandages, it’s cuz you brought the toys OUTSIDE your backpack. always put them inside. trust me

did his mirror just.... zoom in?????

h*ck yeah beat him up greg

do all the other kids hate him too??????

dang that hurt

“chief” that’s so white

stupid kid. his dads a spy

that floop doll isn’t even close to accurate

hey look its floop again. love that dude

Big Willy Wonka Energy

oooh skipping numbers i see. love that

why do the subtitles have “mr. floop” as his name. its just floop, yall

“sometimes in order to think big you have to think small” pretty inspirational tbh

oh hes fidgeting!!!!!! love that

woah what are you doing this is rated pg ingrid

i wish my uncles would tell me im shrinking. they just make small talk abt school 😔

this gradenko lady looks like jan from the office

hey its floop again!!!!! love that dude

yes juni. its a fire drill in your own home

these dudes have a jungle gym AND a pool. what the h*ck

why did you pull off your mustache to prove you’re not related. if anything that makes you more related. greg does that too

why did he put the mustache back ON

where did those boats come from

carmen says manual weird. man-yull

right, cuz adrenaline causes warts

“don’t touch anything” *immediately touches everything*

basic boat ettiquette: don’t shit in the boat. those toilets can’t handle anything

is that globe..... punched in???????

floop!!!!!!! love that dude

feet on the desk????? i dunno seems pretty gay

since when did carmen get keys to that

i might be wrong but i dont think thats every country

what does pressure have to do with positioning a laser

this floor is the best mechanic in the whole movie. reminds me of a richie rich comic i had as a kids

why did they not run into the wall. i wanted to see that

is the slide there when floop films his show????

HEY ITS FLOOP!!!! love that dude

theres a bunch of normal food like.... sour worms. why did they pick the slime from charlie and the chocolate factory when johnny depp finds the oompa loompas

thats a sick coat. best one in the movie

that was a good snap. nice acoustics

God what a power move. something thanos would say

listen floop i love you but thats not how you say research

fELIX NO

and hes gone. cool

did she kick the camera?????

haha author unknown. cuz hes a spy

why did you take that one specifically????? plot convenience????

he can still be a spy, just not a good one. learn to read

is that supposed to be a question?????

FUN FACT if you listen closely when carmen says “like felix said” you can hear a weird cut in “said”, almost like its a new clip

theres no keyhole

i think juni can read. why are you spelling it

did you have the floop toys in your pocket????

OKAY THIS SCENE WHERE THEY PLAY IT BACKWARDS?????? THAT MESSED ME UP AS A KID 

what do those things do?????

i can feel the pain from the fan blades

how did that break the chain????

why would you annouce that. they can hear you. just because they’re thumbs doesn’t mean they’re deaf

that’s a thing, not a place

FLOOP!!!!! ON A BILLBOARD!!!! love that dude

how are you slipping. shes holding YOU

YOU DROPPED HIM GENIUS

how do people not notice the jetpack dudes

DOES NO ONE CARE THAT CLOTHES WERE STOLEN

that’s a cute coat

why is the lady cool with carmen just... doing that

HEY I LOVE THIS SONG!!!!!!!!! AND THAT DUDE!!!!!

ofc you can’t think “straight enough” you’re gay

why is mexico sepia tone

when do you think juni had time to change and learn a new language

IF IT HURTS TO HIT HIM, S T O P

i wanna be on that merry-go-round

HOW DO YOU K N O W THAT HIS CODE NAME. WHY “MUST” IT BE HOMBRE

i love how junis just like “we already got a fake uncle”

LOOK AT HOW FLOOP IS SITTING!!!!!!!! THATS GAY!!!!!!! HE IS A HOMOSEXUAL!!!!!!!!

ALSO MORE FLOOP!!!! say it with me, LOVE THAT DUDE!!!!!!!!!!

minion looks like barry from friends

wait i lied this coat is better

we DO have uncles like that!!!!!

if your inventions are so good why is your font so BORING

hey wait carmen said that. hmmmmmmmm 🤔🤔🤔

glowsticks dont help you see like at all

the map looks like gallifreyan but its not. spy kids is older than the doctor who reboot

they go ZOOM

THATS NOT HOW YOU SAY MANUAL!!!!!!!

great job carmen YOU wrecked the plane

WHATS A REGULATOR

oh its just a breathing thing

haha pee joke. funney

where are the brains coming from???? that factory is Not Correct

if i were juni i would look back over all the floop’s fooglies tapes and see what the agents were saying backwards. once the mission was done, ofc

it took me like 5 minutes to figure out what sknaht meant the first time

SEE THIS MECHANIC IS GOOD BC NOW THERES NO PLEXIGLASS

WHY DOES NO ONE RUN INTO THE WALL

F L O O P  I S  G O D

love that dude

you discussed with the spy parents that juni watched the show. he just told you that you took his parents. you KNOW this is juni, why are you surprised that he watches it????? you already know!!!!!!

tbh i kinda want some of those colorful chains. they’d look cool somewhere

haha voice crack

no wonder your shows not doing well. those are awful times

why is there a sexy thumb nurse. why did floop make the thumb nurse sexy

use her first name?????? you’re clearly dating

!!!!!! THEY USED THE SAME TOOL MULTIPLE TIMES!!!!!! UNHEARD OF!!!!!!!

he cares so much about this show!!!!!! its so sweet!!!! love that dude

YEP THIS COAT IS BETTER, LOOKS A M A Z I N G IN A RUNNING SCENE

haha you killed carmen

ok this scene with the acid crayon is like my absolute favorite. something about using a crayon to escape and then floop (love that dude) opening the door a second later and then doing a double take. FAVE

wheres belize

ok so apparently its a country by mexico

no you CANT tell her you need to ESCAPE

we finally got a clean outside shot of the castle.... that place is wack

haha minion can’t sit in the hand chair correctly because hes STRAIGHT what a loser

hey juni HOW DO YOU DO THAT

minion you know what the robot costumes look like AND what juni looks like. dont be stupid

what..... what do you want carmen for, exactly, minion??????

floop is supportive of others’ art!!!!!!!!!!! love that dude

HE SAID “WHERE’S MOM AND DAD” LIKE THEY’RE HIS OWN PARENTS THAT’S SO C U T E

ALSO ANOTHER SCENE WITH THE GREAT RUNNING COAT

he says doppelganger beautifully

“its too late” that timing was BEAUTIFUL

you COULD take 500 brains out if you just TRIED HARDER. still love that dude

his control panel has buttons that spell “floop”

WHY CAN MINION TALK NORMAL

if its reversible why do you have it in later movies

carmen fights fake juni and juni fights fake carmen because they didnt have the fancy clone (?) technology

THREE TIMES!!!!!! THEY USED THE SAME TOOL T H R E E  T I M E S THIS HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE!!!!!!!!!!!

nice censorship

HOW DID MACHETE SMASH ONLY THE CLEAR WINDOWS AND A L L THE CLEAR WINDOWS THERE ARE NO MORE CLEAR WINDOWS!!!!!! ANYWHERE!!!!!

wow nice 3 buttons thats totally how you hack

oh look they have all died

oh. guess not :((

machete you better rip off your mustache

HES GOING TO JUNIS LEVEL TO TALK TO HIM!!!!!!! HE RUFFLED HIS HAIR!!!!!!!!! HES GONNA MAKE A GREAT DAD!!!!!!!

wow no shit ingrid

did he leave his wart bandaid on the kitchen counter?????

ALAN CUMMING!!!! ON A CEREAL BOX!!!!

ok CLEARLY other people watch floop’s show, he’s rated number 2. kids at the school are gonna recognize juni and carmen. they better get popular

is that george clooney

well that’s not how it works in spy kids 2. or 3. or 4. or the tv show

[thediverismylove]

LOVER TRACK BY TRACK REVIEW

i forgot that you existed — don’t like the beginning she sounds like a robot lol. “in my feelings more than drake”??? girl no thank you. not a big fan of this song. 3/10. fave lyric is “it isn’t love / it isn’t hate / it’s just indifference”; least fave is “in my feelings more than drake, yeah”.

cruel summer — love the production on this one! her voice sounds really good and i love the way she sings “cruel summer”. 8.5/10. fave lyric is “so cut the headlights / summer’s a knife / i’m always waiting for you just to cut to the bone”; no least fave lyrics here!

lover — the TENDERNESS of this song! love how easy and pretty and acoustic it it is. 9.5/10. fave lyric is “my heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue / all’s well that ends well to end up with you”; no least fave again!

the man — okay “when everyone believes you / what’s that like?” wig! also when she’s like if i was a man…….then i’d be the man…….and the synths do That in the background? it does feel very Feminism 101 in the verses but the chorus is fun! idk i expected more from this one and it’s def fun but not an all time fave. 6/10. fave lyric is “i’m so sick of running as fast as i can / wondering if i’d get there quicker if i was a man”; least fave is “and they would toast to me, oh, let the players play / i’d be just like leo in saint tropez”.

the archer — SO gorgeous and vulnerable! love the gentle and introspective vibes of this one and how simple the backing track is. her voice is so pretty in this one! would love to hear this totally acoustic. 9.5/10. fave lyric is “i cut off my nose just to spite my face / and i hate my reflection for years and years”; least fave is the pre-chorus bit that’s similar to humpty dumpty you know the one lol.

i think he knows — ugh hate the intro again talky-singing works well for her sometimes but it really doesn’t work here. very bored by this one. it feels like it’s trying so hard to be fun but it doesn’t have particularly interesting instrumentals/synths/whatever and her voice is way too talky-singy for me here. the last chorus is kinda fun but not enough to fix the whole song. 4/10. favorite lyric is “he got my heartbeat / skipping down sixteenth avenue baby”; least fave is “he got that boyish look that i like in a man / i am an architect, i’m drawing up the plans”.

miss americana & the heartbreak prince — pretty intro! the talky-singing works a little better for me here. the pageant/prom conceit is fun. very amused by her still comparing her adult life to high school prom considering she left high school at like what 15/16 for music? jdeasjkkjcskjn it’s fun tho this song is fun. i have a feeling this one will grow on me. 8/10. fave lyric is “we're so sad, we paint the town blue / voted most likely to run away with you”; least fave is the “she’s a bad bad girl bit” lol 

paper rings — ooh fun intro! like whatever effect they have over her voice. this one has a really cool beat. like the kiss me once/kiss me twice bit. the chorus is really sweet! the tune is very dance-worthy. i could def see this being played in a romcom (cue me adding it to the playlist for my gay summer camp romcom). didn’t expect to like this one so much but i’m enjoying it a lot so far! idk abt the lyrics im not even listening that closely jfekwjakjnkjn i just love the beat and the effect they have over her voice. also can’t stop thinking about when rey @theglowpt2 said “wrap your arms around me, baby boy” sounds something the try guys would shout at each other lmfao. 8.5/10. fave lyric is “darling, you’re the one i want / and paper rings and picture frames and dirty dreams / oh, you’re the one i want”; least fave is “wrap your arms around me, baby boy” bc of aforementioned try guys energies making it humorous instead of cute as intended for me.

cornelia street — like her voice in the intro it sounds very pretty and soft! don’t like the weird synth thing going on at the beginning tho it’s giving me a headache. don’t like the way she launches into the chorus it feels very abrupt. “we bless the rains on cornelia street” lol is this a toto ref? this one is pretty underwhelming ngl. her voice is pretty in some places here though. would probably enjoy an acoustic version of this a lot more. 6/10. fave lyric is “and baby, i get mystified by how this city screams your name”; no least fave lyric but i hate those loud synth things at the beginning more than anything.

 death by a thousand cuts — totally thought this was gonna be a song about like. bitter ~haters~ or smth by the title. her voice is really pretty after the “my my my” bit! love the synths in this one. the line about the traffic lights…...wig! okay totally expected to not like this one but i kinda like it. laughing at her going “UNITED WE STAND” tho lmfao. this one will def grow on me. 8/10. fave lyric is “i ask the traffic lights if it’ll be alright / they say i don’t know”; least fave is “our songs, our films, united we stand / our country, guess it was a lawless land”.

london boy — oh excited for the absolute INSANITY of this one girls! DID SHE JUST REFER TO HER HOMETOWN AS SOCAL GIRL YOU ARE FROM PENNSYLVANIA!!!!! also so amused about she needs to reference the fact that she is american and her bf is british so many times. if i heard this song out in public i’d have to die. did she make a p!atd ref lol. unfortunate as hell but it’s kinda fun. 4/10. fave is none of it; least fave is all of it. 

 soon you’ll get better — oh this one is gonna make me SOB i just know it!!!! the vulnerableness of it all. thank you for a song about family ms taylor! the harmonies w the dixie chicks i’m ascending. this one is so so gorgeous and heartbreaking and the first song off this album that actually really made me Feel Something. 10/10. fave lyric is “the buttons of my coat were tangled in my hair / in doctor’s office lighting / i didn’t tell you i was scared”; no least fave!!! She’s Perfect

 false god — intro is fun! i like her voice in this one it’s #sexi. the line abt being nyc is funny lol…..girl what does that mean you are not a town what does that MEAAAAN. taylor swift said YES i fuck what about it in this song. the line about being the west village…...what does that mean? he’s expensive??? 6.5/10. fave lyric is “the altar is my hips / even if it’s a false god / we’d still worship this love”; least fave is “staring out the window like i’m not your favorite town / i’m new york city, i’d still do it for you, babe”.

 you need to calm down — i REFUUUUSE to listen to this song all the way it’s so corny and ridiculous. taylor rly thot she was doing smth w this one. 3.5/10. no fave lyric; least fave is like. ALL of it it’s very cheesy.

 afterglow — pretty vocals! love me some vulnerable songs. not much to say about this one lol. i like the chorus a lot. 7.5/10. fave lyric is “fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves / chemistry 'til it blows up, 'til there’s no us / why'd I have to break what i love so much?”; least fave is “tell me that it’s not my fault / tell me that i’m all you want / even when i break your heart”.

 me! — unpopular opinion but i actually prefer me! to yntcd. idk why i just feel like me! knows how ridiculous and silly it is but yntcd does not. maybe that’s just me tho? 4/10. can’t believe she killed the best line of all time aka “hey kids spelling is fun”...that was HILARIOUSLY BAD AND WONDERFUL AT THE SAME TIME. that would’ve been the fave; least fave is the awkward uncomfortable space where “hey kids spelling is fun” used to be.

 it’s nice to have a friend — very forgettable. her vocals here are pretty but the song overall is nothing special imo. do like the dreamy vibes tho! 4.5/10. fave or least fave lyrics tbh it’s just boring to me pretty but boring.

 daylight — WHY is taylor swift so obsessed w/ mentioning that some of her friends turned out to be dicks. absolutely OBSESSED w/ that edit that’s like “i wounded the good and trusted the wicked” over katy perry and karlie kloss respectively it’s peak comedy. very pretty vocals but has some unfortunate lyrics! 5.5/10. fave lyric is “i, i just think that / you are what you love”; least fave is “i wounded the good and i trusted the wicked / clearing the air, i breathed in the smoke”.

overall: probably like a 6.5/10? had some really great tracks like lover & the archer & soon you’ll get better but also some BAD ones like me!, yntcd, and i forgot that you existed. it was a fun time but not an all time fave. in terms of tswift album rankings i’m not sure where i’d put it yet get back to me on that one. anyways i’m gonna go listen to lucy dacus now bye

[wannawrite]

not my type

who?: Wanna One’s Ong Seongwoo genre: 🌸 type: bullet point

blog navigator.

University! AU 

you don’t date younger guys

but you just might ;)

thanks for requesting! this was quite difficult to write since I am a child still lol. Do note that Seongwoo is 20 in this work of fiction. ⁃ admin l

disclaimer: pictures used do not belong to me and credit goes to their original owners everything that is written here is purely fictional DO NOT READ IF TRIGGERING

~

so,,,your love life 

not that exciting 

in fact, it is facing a drought at the moment 

reality is harsh huh? 

or maybe it is because of your high standards 

1. No younger guys 

2. Must be a nice person 

3. Someone I could foresee marrying 

but none of your blind dates left you impressed

and then there’s this kid from the music block called Ong Seongwoo 

he’s just one of the guys trying to worm his way into your ‘possible boyfriend’ list 

scarily enough, his tactics were working

~

we gon throw this waayyy back when y’all met 

frat parties were never your thing

in fact, f*ck linda and this stupid party, I just want to go home and sleep 

you love your roommate and all but you couldn’t help but curse her out 

after all, she had dragged you to this party thrown by one of the music department frat guys 

and left you stranded 

in a hallway with at least 3 couples passionately making out 

tonight was not your night at all 

you hated the loud, shitty music and the smell of sweat and liquor 

appalling 

but linda was your ride here and there was a slim chance of hailing a cab right now 

you had no choice but to suck it up and rough it out 

Another issue

you needed to finish that essay on sustainable fashion before the 6am deadline 

shit 

gr8 job prof 

all-nighter? 

borrow a laptop from someone and do it now? 

what the hell 

which person would bring a laptop to a frat party? 

unless you can break into one of their rooms and take one??1?1?11

you almost slap yourself at the idea

dumb worried bitch energy 

sis is out of ideas and just wants to graduate be a little empathetic, folks 

you want to sit down on the floor and sink into a puddle of goo 

oh no 

there’s no way you are going to maintain this 3.9 GPA lmaoo

you move to wrestle Linda away from one of the frat guys 

but hollers and cheers stop you

a group of guys block your path as they welcome yet another friend 

but get this! the newcomer has a laptop case in his hands!! 

he appears to have just come from a lecture or meeting 

bUT HE HAS A LAPTOP YAYAYAYAYA

now, all you had to do was to stalk him, suck up to him and steal borrow the device 

sucking up to one of these frat boys was easy 

their brains had been bruised with bud lights so they weren’t the brightest of the bunch 

before you know it, he’s whisked away by his friends and dissolved into the crowd 

crap 

you really, genuinely, wholly, need this laptop 

They would help a fellow college student in need, right?

left with no choice, you elbow your way through  

I suppose your efforts pay off 

bc you catch him as he’s headed upstairs 

barely 

“hey!” you yell over the noise. “I-I...” 

the mystery guy only stares, quizzically 

suddenly, you’ve lost all ability to form coherent sentences 

this is embarrassing!

hE JUST LOOKING 

sis gotta calm down 

remember the real reason: laptop

“c-can i borrow your laptop real quick? I have a d-deadline tonight” 

mystery boy says nothing 

...

“What’s it in for me? If i lend you my laptop?”

he tries to remain serious but the corners of his mouth are tugging up

sneaky

desperation is pretty much flooding your body 

you wld say f*ck it but you can’t 

“I’ll owe you a favour!” you blurt out thoughtlessly. 

*crickets chirping* 

hope is slowly beginning to fade and your brain is coming up with extension excuses 

just crumbs,,,anything

Orbits gg thru with the drought

when he goes 

“okay”

JESUS THANK YOU 

he beckons for you to follow him 

oh?😏😉

“I know a better work environment than here.” 

oh. 

“What’s your name? I’m y/n, it’s my third year.” 

“Woah, third year? my name’s ong seongwoo. I just got here.” 

huh, freshman 

seongwoo doesn’t say much after

he leads you to a common study area in the enormous fraternity house 

you turn away as he sets up the laptop and everything bc privacy!!!

but the number of brain cells you have left won’t allow you to remember his login details anyway 

“thanks,” you murmur bashfully 

well, this is an expected and rather awkward situation 

seongwoo plants himself in the chair a few seats away from yours 

he pulls out study materials from his backpack 

??? hello? sis, u shld be enjoying the party downstairs ???

you try to shift your fullest attention on your project 

but!! his presence alone is so loud prominent, it’s giving you a hard time keeping your eyes off😔🤧

anyway u manage to suck it up and finish paper and submit it just in time! 

a miracle 

maybe he is your angel ;)

you turn to face him and,,,seongwoo has fallen asleep!! on his books!! 

his hair is slightly tousled and his glasses rest askew on his face 

papers flap in his face but he’s too gone to care 

the poor child is tired 

💓💖💕soft hours💕💖💓: open

gently, you tap his shoulder 

“seongwoo? hey, um, your laptop,” 

he only stirs the 2nd time you call him

Cute

groggily, he covers his face and speaks into his hands 

he mumbles something about ‘dealing with it later’

you figure it would be best if you left him alone to nap 

suddenly, seongwoo grabs your arm 

at least, he reaches for it

“I need your number to claim that favour.” 

my number ????

for half a second, your heart does pitter patters 

he’s only being objective though...

and it was you who suggested it in the first place 

sighing, you punch your number into his phone 

“okay, but use it wisely and...try not to...call or text so much...”

that sounds rlly mean >:( 

“yeah i’ll keep that in mind.” 

there’s an underlying layer of...cheekiness? in seongwoo’s tone 

your brain jumps to the first conclusion it can think of 

“I don’t date younger guys, Seongwoo,” 

rEGRET FILLS YOUR ENTIRE BEING IMMEDIATELY AFTER 

now, Seongwoo looks up and beams broadly 

“Bold of you to assume I’m interested,” he taunts playfully 

red sinks into your face and you defend yourself in splutters 

“I’m not interested in general! I’m prioritising my studies and everything else! It was just to make sure you know where we stand-“ 

futile, really 

“relax,” he replies. “Just saying, I could change your mind.” 

Cocky 

but true lol

an amused scoff leave your lips and your arms go akimbo

“I’d like to see you try, freshman.” 

~

*back to the present* 

You: really, Seongwoo. I don’t see why you can’t drop by the printing station yourself 

Seongwoo: you are seated RIGHT NEXT to it. Just fold the papers into aeroplanes and fly them over 

You: a 15-page research paper ?? That clearly says ‘do not bend’ 

Seongwoo: ignore it. Throw it over 

you never predicted this was where life would take you 

here you were, sat in the library, the table by the printing room 

and Seongwoo was seated a few tables away, texting you to collect his freshly printed document

just because 

You: Oh my god shut up you’ll get points deducted if your paper is the least bit crumpled 

You: i’ll just bring it over 

so,,,you did 

you brought seongwoo’s papers over to his table 

he had been watching from afar, lips pulled into a dumb smile

“thank you, senior.” 

boy had the audacity to say that in front of your salad 

just to tease him, you reply: 

“yeah, senior, just how I like my future boyfriend.” 

with that remark, the smile slips off seongwoo’s face and his jaw clenches

but he tries to play it off all cool😎🤧

you shoot the sweetest smile you can muster before skipping back to your table 

*beep beep*

I nearly put vibrate -

Seongwoo: that doesn’t count as using my favour card! 

your head shakes, but your mouth smiles 

it was no secret that seongwoo had a small! crush on you 

even if it was, everyone knew 

his whole frat and most of his seniors 

your friends and roommates 

the whole bloody campus 

this relationship started out with seongwoo following you on ig

then occasionally dropping a text and wishing you well 

he also hyped up all your pics 

and said hi whenever you bumped into each other 

it escalated to meeting up for brunch or a movie 

just...as friends, casually 

but you enjoyed his company and goofing around much more than some blind dates 

now, texting him was a regular 

going out was common 

and you haven’t even counted the number of times you guys met at social events 

sometimes, he made you feel so✨ special, precious, wanted by doing the smallest things 

like a tea on your table 

or going the extra mile to cheer you up 

most of the time at the expense of his handsome face 

he was always,,,there

you did find out about his feelings, though he never addressed them fully

it was fun!! to press his buttons as a friend 

“yeah idk abt dating someone younger. Wbu?” 

“Hmm. Senior year makes everyone 10x hotter.” 

thOSE WERE JOKES 

BANTER, PEOPLE, BANTER 

but...you weren’t certain if that would turn into something more 

you know, you hadn’t given dating someone younger a thought 

it never crossed your mind 

maybe it was a subconscious deal breaker 

you were always quick to bring age into making deals 

old broken deals could be made new 

the concept was incredibly foreign 

my boyfriend? younger? 

Personally, you could never see that happen 

b-but seongwoo made you sO DAMN HAPPY ALL THE TIME 

there was sunshine in his smiles

and starlight in his eyes 

ᵕ꒳ᵕ

uGh fEELINGS 

but is this attraction? 

Eventually, after many sleepless nights, up thinking about this, you made up your mind

If he made a move first, 

bc ur scared 

you would be hella open to dating him 

f*ck that ‘older people only’ rule 

(⁄˘⁄ ⁄ ω⁄ ⁄ ˘⁄)♡

[3.06am] seongwoo leaves a voicemail. He says, “hey, will you go on a date with me? I like you.”

[3.14am] seongwoo leaves another voicemail. “I’ll use my favour card if I have to. Just give me a chance.” 

anD HOLY F*CK YOU DON’T knOW HOW TO ACT AFTER HEARING THOSE 

RIGHT WHEN YOU WAKE UP 

yOur heaRT IS FLUTTERING AND YOU CAN FEEL THE BLUSH COMING 

UGH SWEETHEART YOU GOT IT BAD 

so u jump on this bandwagon and call him asap 

it goes straight to voicemail but you don’t leave one 

hehe

you know,,,to build suspense 

all day long, that’s all you can think about 

SeoNGWOO LIKES ME?

~

[8.17am] seongwoo wakes up to a silent voicemail from you 

he doesn’t know what to think of it 

he dials your number with shaking hands and before you can utter a word, he rushes, “meet me at xxx cafe at 11am” 

then hangs up 

Tumblr: 101 cafe date outfit ideas

Seongwoo arrives early and orders a drink while waiting 

he also picks out a window booth to sit at 

his nerves could eat him alive if they teamed up 

what would you say to him? 

how badly did you react to his 3am confession 

getting mildly intoxicated on Daniel’s stash was a horrible idea

he spilt all his secret uwus

the bell chimes 

and all his attention is focused on you 

your eyes land on him 

a smile graces your face as you walk over 

“I like you too.” 

“Damn, you better not be messing with me right now,” seongwoo nervously chuckles. “I know I sent you th-“ 

“Oh my god! I like you!” 

For a moment, his smart mouth runs dry, surprised 

“Oh wow, what happened to your older guys only rule?”

You smack his chest in mock annoyance

“Rules are made to be broken! Let’s not talk about that.” You turn various shades of red 

Grinning like the Chesire cat, Seongwoo teases, “And that’s the beauty of it.” 

[kyanmaaaa]

i told my bro abt this dream and hes just like why are your dreams so dark (so like, tw for this one)

but honestly i didnt really consider this dark it was oddly beautiful if scary. im going to fill in parts with what i think could have happened there but im also not going to include the details for what the room looked like in every scene besides whats neccassary, cause this was so vivid i could try to describe to you what each PERSON looked like and people usually dont even have faces in my dreams!

its still long so heres a read more

beginning of the dream im walking home at dusk and im coming from a direction i almost nvr walk, except for when its halloween. so it may have been halloween in my dream, the sunset is a beautiful BRIGHT orange and its on the side of my house rather than behind like it usually is but thats a minor detail.

cause around the house behind mine theres a very strange cloud formation, much lower than i usually see clouds and its not foggy but its just, theres clouds wrapped around the house except for the front and the wall just goes up and up and up to the top and slightly past the house. paired with the sunset i think thats really beautiful so i take some pics with my phone and go closer just to see how close i can get before the clouds disappear and then i’ll go home

i didnt get to go home, the clouds wrapped fully around the house and a strong, something, stopped me from leaving. also there was like an evil to/riel so she mighta been the one doing that

next part of the dream kinda jumps around so ill have to infer some parts but essentially the house changes from the building ive seen there for you know, my entire life, to a small dark wooden mansion. also muffet is there and guess what she ALSO sucks. and then theres this bitch blond haired human pony tail man and hes dumb and i dont like him. im not allowed to leave and im kinda enslaved i guess (my bro called me a prisoner with a job when i told him and it was stupid funny). muffets off on a job after i get settled in there and i dont know what happens to make me so submissive considering the next part of the dream focuses on another servant but whatever they did was REALLY REALLY BAD cause at every point after this im terrified of fucking up and ive pretty much given up on getting out.

this next part was more of a flashback sequance that happened later but for ease of reading im going to add it here instead. first other servant i meet is a beautiful large green shiny beetle man, seriously hes gorgeous and so well spoken and kind. when he was brought into the house he was introduced as just a regular human man, still as beautiful as ever tho, was hired to play piano for a party. as hes fiddling away with the keys though if you looked around you could see bright shiny green and gold strings just, laying flat against the wall, piano, his suit, etc. turns out those were his beetle wings but stretched out and distorted and at this point hes discovered cause to the untrained eye those look like decorations, but its how his kind disguises themselves. cause he can change his entire appearance except for his wings, so they have to try and hide their wings in the environment around them.

they didnt like him lying but it was calm at first. muffet invites him to a small welcoming dinner, just for a chat. they share a platter of food on one plate, partly meat, but most of whats facing him is just a lot of rice packed into a line. he slowly pecks away at that as he carries a polite conversation with muffet, but nvr touches the other side of the food. after hes abt halfway through it she asks “Why aren’t you trying the other food deary?” and he responds “I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to Miss.” and has a bite.

after whatevers in that food kicks in he keels over in pain and she makes it very clear how things go in this house. he listens, he does not act without being told to, and if he ever tries to pull a stunt like that again he’ll be dead. “Am I clear deary?”

since he was there before i was some times passed since that happened. hes currently being punished by mr asshole blond ponytail man and his punishment is all of his meals are very plain. just rice and unseasoned meat. the chef clearly put effort into each platter tho as theyve been shaped into increasingly elaborate shapes the longer the punishment lasts. im not quite sure why this is a punishment? maybe beetle man isnt getting all the nutrients he needs and thats harder for his kind, perhaps he has a taste for good food and this is just the most the ponytail dude can get away with as a punishment since muffets in charge of the house, or maybe its meant to bring up bad memories of when he first came here.

this next parts, really foggy

back to me and muffets talking to someone through a large portal in the room? plans are made abt making humans lose hope and wiping out humanity. the vegan next to me is very excited abt this and comments on it and im just like, bro, that would be super bad for the earth and also immoral? and shes like oh right. at some point i befriend a guy even tho we hated each other at first but he’s moved elsewhere after some time

time skip to muffet informing me that due to my most recent mistake my family is going to be killed. at this point im just sick of it i’ve been here for months im miserable im lonely, i miss my family im just kinda, unstable

really unstable

im shouting at her if shes going to off my family she has to kill me too cause i cant live knowing theyre dead because of me or live without them, just sobbing, kill me, please just kill me i cant stay here anymore she sends me to my room and i pass by my beetle friend but neither of us says anything, also passed by some buff monster but its irrelevant. i dont go to my room instead im just looking through hallway after hallway, opening a storage closet and just trying to find SOMETHING to work with because yeah im miserable, yeah this is probably going to backfire but you do NOT. FUCK. WITH MY FAMILY! so i have to leave. i dont care if this might kill me i have to get out of there with whatever the hell i can find. what i find is two deflated balloons with little plastic bits inside that when u press a button they light up and im like OKAY maybe i, maybe me and beetle man can use this to signal to each other! thats great i can do this i can. i think i may have been crying and laughing here after my exploring Im hiding behind a sofa in a room in the furthest corner of the house cradling my little weird balloon bundle, just trying to find space to think. im safe because u cant see me from the door and the blinds on the window are drawn already. it feels like i havent seen the outside in a while remember how i said i was really unstable? this felt completely real in the dream so maybe it was real due to dream logic, but it feels like desperation in hindsight. i clicked both of the balloon lights on and realized i could use it as a phone! i need to call mom i miss her so much. so i do and she goes honey where are you? and im just crying and saying i love you, i love you so much im okay mom, its okay, and shes like are you at school??? and i just turn into a mess. at this point i look through the sheer curtains on the window and notice my brother driving a really tall truck moving some construction supplies. it sucks that hes here too but im just so happy to see him even if i know i cant talk to him. maybe if they dont find out we’re related he’ll be okay and then i leave the mansion, and i run. nothing here is familiar. im somewhere in the woods. i try to run to the front and see all of the construction workers there making something, but besides all the people somehow the dirt is just, this sheer cliff up up and up in front of the place. so i run to the back and try to get through the barrier around the place. i think i do but its not exactly easy. i fought off a possessed wild boar, but it was the size you think a pig would be, so like a medium sized dog, it just tried to bite me and while it hurt i just hit it til it stayed down long enough for me to bolt after im some distance away, further into the forest on a wide path i meet a human whos instantly on guard to fight me. i spray paint in his eyes and then run on i meet a strange human on the same path and he smirks at me and puts paper in front of his eyes to stop my tactic. i go hey fuck it maybe the fumes will disorient him and spray and his magic stops the paint in mid air and im like dude that is SICK, before he flings it back at me

i dont know how but i beat him too but the next part of the dream im finally somewhere residential, houses along the water, its a warm but not too warm day, light breeze, so all in and beautiful. i feel like im seeing and breathing freely and clearly for the first time in, i dont even know how long. its bright and while i know i have to run im just going to keep running, im free for now.

i use my little balloon contraption and call up my mom again now that im somewhere im positive no one will hear me. i tell her im sorry but i cant go home, that this is likely goodbye, and i cant guarantee ill get out of this alive but it’s okay. i love you so much. and she has to leave too. i stress this. she has to leave, cut all ties, cut all things that could trace you and get out of there. 

and then my alarm woke me up

its hard to explain why some sections of this dream were so scary, just the feeling of wrongness, isolation, powerlessness, and just some distant pain that i dont know what it was. it felt like the longer i was there the more my world was ending

[lovyukhei]

RULES: ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS. THEN TAG OTHER PEOPLE YOU’D LIKE TO GET TO KNOW BETTER.

tagged by @hwitaek and @2013s thank you! 💜i lov tag games!

HOW TALL ARE YOU? im 5′2 (abt 157cm i think?)

WHAT COLOUR ARE YOUR EYES? hazel

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS AND / OR GLASSES? i have glasses but i just wear them in class

DO YOU WEAR BRACES? i used to for abt 2 years in middle school 

WHAT IS YOUR FASHION STYLE? depends on my mood but usually i feel like its summery and beach-y(?)?? i like to wear flip flops/sandals and dresses! 

WHEN WERE YOU BORN? march 20th, 1999

HOW OLD ARE YOU? 18

DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? no :( im olone

WHAT KIND OF STUDENT ARE YOU? i study a lot bc i hate being unprepared and i have anxiety but im also lazy and disorganized lmao

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE SUBJECTS? i like math and i looveee life science especially anatomy!!  

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES? star wars, howl’s moving castle, spirited away, actually p much all ghibli films, ratatouille, mulan, big hero 6.. toy story! all harry potter movies 

WHAT ARE YOU FAVOURITE PASTIMES? watching movies, sleeping (with big soft blankets!!), cooking and baking!! i lov food. also running and going hiking

DO YOU HAVE ANY REGRETS? yea i regret being stubborn abt alot of things

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM JOB? i want to be a radiation therapist!! ive never had a dream job until this year i finally found something i really want to do :D 

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET MARRIED? yes! 

DO YOU WANT KIDS? HOW MANY? yes!! i want at least 2 kids! 

HOW MANY COUNTRIES HAVE YOU VISITED?  6 but i want to visit more if i ever get the opportunity!

WHAT WAS YOUR SCARIEST DREAM? i dont get nightmares usually the worst is just anxiety dreams abt school and failing..but last night i slept for barely 2 hours but i had this vivid dream about having to leave my apartment that me and my dad lived in at night to go get bread and outside there was zombie-like people that would scream at you and chase you if you made eye contact with them and it was night time and it was raining and i was running barefoot and this one saw me and started screaming and so i ran back to the elevator to go up and i pressed the button to close the door over and over again because it was gonna get in the elevator with me and then i pressed this random button and the door shut and this red light started flashing and a loud alarm went off and then i woke up :o

DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND / GIRLFRIEND / SIGNIFICANT OTHER?  nahh

PUT YOUR PLAYLIST ON SHUFFLE AND WITHOUT SKIPPING LIST THE FIRST 15 SONGS 🎶

uhh i have like 20 playlists on my phone so im just going to pick some of my favorite songs rn :^) 

1. all alone - day6

2. when you love someone - day6

3. violet - pentagon

4. everyday with you - iu

5. try again - jaehyun & d.ear

6. peek-a-boo - red velvet

7. moonlight melody - red velvet

8.new - yves 

9. secret garden - iu

10. everyone else is ahead, far away - the marshmallow kisses

11. u & me - hyuna

12. girl front - odd eye circle

13. simple, starving to be safe - daphne loves derby

14. organic song - pentagon

15. stay - pentagon 

im gonna tag @yuto-da @lastlov @rosehyuck @softminhwi @yunhosdrop @betterbetters​ @hokidan​

as always this is optional! 

[5hfanfiction]

Everything Is A Metaphor

Chapter 5

Listen to:

First half: Over by Johnnyswim

Second half: Salvation by Gabrielle Aplin

“I can’t keep on giving you what might be meant for someone new.”

“I never meant to fall for you, but I was buried underneath and all that I could see was white.”

————————————————————————————————————

There are thirty new messages on her phone.

Three of them are from Ally. Two from Normani. Ten from Dinah.

The other fifteen are from Camila.

Lauren should bypass all of them. She should ignore the idea that she’s let down not only Camila, but Ally and Dinah and- perhaps most of all-herself. Instead, she slides open her phone and glances over the messages.

Normani Kordei:

FYI Dinah won’t say it but she’s pissed-

Skip. Lauren moves on to the next message.

Ally Brooke:

I’m trying so hard to understand. I really am. But Lauren, you ran away! Again! I just-

Skip.

Dinah Jane:

I’m not mad. I’m concerned. Abt both u and Camila. You need to answer her-

This time, Lauren does not skip the message. Not willingly, at least, because as soon as her thumb hits the “back” button, a name appears on her phone along with a vibration. Camilalalala(Camz)Cabello.

It’s also here when Lauren realizes the time: 8 PM.

Two hours. Two damn hours. Had Lauren really slept for only that long? It feels like at least a good day or two has passed. At least, that’s what she had hoped for. If she had slept for that long, if that much time had been wasted, the initial emotions of hate or disappointment would have blown over by now.

Presently, however, Lauren is forced to make a decision.

Her phone continues to ring, vibrating in her hand almost as strongly as her heart in her chest. Perhaps it is out of tiredness, half-sleep delirium. Maybe it is because she simply has nothing left to lose. Maybe she wants to convince herself that answering the phone isn’t running away.

When she picks up, she merely breathes. Heavy, rapid heartbeats can be heard from both ends, lasting for at least thirty seconds before-

“Don’t say anything until I’m finished.”

Camila sighs shakily through the phone, sounding almost as anxious as Lauren did just a few hours ago. Lauren exhales in response.

“I’m not mad, or disappointed, or anything. I’m just really, really concerned.”

Lauren keeps her mouth shut. She begins fidgeting with the ends of her hair. 

“Look, I shouldn’t have put you in that situation. I thought singing would calm you down since it always calms me down and, I don’t know, I thought we were alike-“

Lauren stifles words of protest, we are like. But she keeps her words behind clenched teeth, and after hearing her harsh breathing return to normal, Camila continues.

“I don’t know, maybe the singing thing did work. But I shouldn’t have pressured you into kissing me-“

“You didn’t.” Lauren can’t help but argue. Her voice is scratchy and dry, tired but definitely not from sleep anymore.

“Lauren-“

“No,” Lauren continues, her voice growing stronger. “I-…” Her throat becomes dry again and she’s forced to swallow the only hydrating thing she has left: her pride.

“I leaned in because I wanted to-“ Her breath hitches, but she goes for it anyway. “To kiss you, I mean. I leaned in because I wanted to kiss you.”

Silence. At first, Lauren thinks she’s said the wrong thing; was much too straightforward in her approach of fixing the puzzle that is her and Camila’s relationship. Instead of fitting the pieces together, she lets them lay out in the rain.  

And then, Camila whispers: “Then why didn’t you?”

A confusing, atrocious noise erupts from Lauren’s throat. It’s a combination of breath and sound, as if she had wanted to say something but stopped herself in just enough time. The words are caught-literally-in her throat, and whenever she tries to cough them out all she gets is that sound of in-betweenness, hesitation and determination wrapped into one. I didn’t kiss you, Lauren wants to say, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back if I did.

She didn’t kiss her because she knew she’d fall in love with her all over again; they’d become as close as atoms, simply waiting to get lost in all their other bonds. Lauren cannot live like that. She cannot fall in love with Camila and then not tell her about her nightmares. She cannot kiss Camila without holding her breath. If Lauren gives herself to Camila, the two of them will slowly lose pieces of themselves they never wanted to give away in the first place.

It is here where Lauren realizes she and Camila will never work out. The accident, the trauma, the past-

It can never work.

“I-“ Lauren begins, again choking on her words. “I-“ She tries again, but to no avail. Jesus, she’s so overwhelmed her eyes begin to sting with tears. She wants to tell Camila everything, starting from the beginning. Maybe she has some hope that Camila will remember- all she needs is a single trigger-

But it could also ruin everything. Hell, it already has ruined everything.

Lauren allows her tears to fall. “Camila, I-“

But her voice is drowned out by the stomping of feet, growing louder as they near Lauren’s dorm. The sound of jangling keys follows suit.

Shit, Lauren panics. Lucy’s home early. Anxious and delirious, Lauren sprints to the bathroom. She makes sure to lock the door behind her.

“Lauren?” Camila shouts through the phone speaker. “Are you oka-“

“Ihavetogo,” Lauren barely makes out the words, her voice muffled with shaky breaths. “I’msorry,” She continues. “I’m sorry.”

The moment she hangs up, Lucy knocks on the bathroom door.

“Lauren, are you in there? We need to talk.”

————————————————————————————————————

Exactly one minute passes before the two girls are in each other’s arms.

“She doesn’t remember,” Lauren cries into Lucy’s shoulder. “She doesn’t remember and it kills me!” At this point, the girl is simply speaking gibberish, words drowning behind garbled sobs. It is all Lucy can do to hold Lauren up, until finally her arms grow too heavy and she is forced to drag the girl to the bed. Though, above all the emotions mixing in the room, attraction is not one. There is no romance in this heartbreak.

“Just tell me what happened,” Lucy coos, desperately trying to calm Lauren down. “It’s okay, Lauren, it’s okay. Just walk me through what happened.” She isn’t saying this because she wants to confirm their relationship is over. No, in this moment, all Lucy wants is for Lauren to calm down, and the only way for that to happen is if Lauren recounts her trauma. It’s always been like this for her- even when Lauren woke up from nightmares, she’d always have to talk about them to Lucy before she could fall back asleep.

And thus, after a few deep breaths, Lauren walks backwards. She describes the entire evening, from when her phone died from water damage to when she ran out on Camila. And though all this talking is supposed to make her feel better, calm her down- All it does is make Lauren feel worse. Dammit, she was so stupid.

And then, of course, there’s Lucy, Lauren remembers. Fucking Lucy, the girl who’s supposed to be her girlfriend. And here Lauren is, venting to her about C-

“I’m sorry,” Lauren musters up enough courage to whisper. She wills herself to meet Lucy’s eyes. “I’m so sorry, Lucy. I’m so-“ Inevitably, she begins sobbing again, and Lucy instantly pulls the girl into her. “I’m sorry,” Lauren continues to cry. “I’m so sorry-“

“Enough,” Lucy finally manages to use her words. Her grip around Lauren strengthens as she clears her throat, her voice tired from these past few days.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Lauren.”

She pulls away so that the two of them are face to face, eye to eye. “Do you understand me?”

Lucy reaches out and cups Lauren’s chin. “You didn’t do anything wrong. God, you’re a 20 year old girl who’s been through enough shit to last two lifetimes! You aren’t deliberately hurting anyone. What your heart wants does not make you a bad person-!”

It’s here where Lucy’s words catch in her throat, her eyes glassing over with tears. Lauren, Lucy realizes, does not want her anymore. Her heart has made its decision, and the result is not Lucy. It’s never been Lucy.

And Lauren knows it, too.

After a while of the two girls sitting there, contemplating, Lauren finally speaks up.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t,” Lucy smiles sadly, barely meeting Lauren’s eyes. “We-“

Lauren shakes her head. “No,” Her voice trembles again, but she refuses to cry anymore than she already has. “I want to be with you. I love you, Lucy, I-“ She takes a breath. “I want you.”

Lucy doesn’t say anything.

“We can make this work!” Lauren grabs Lucy’s hand. “You know Camila and I could never-“

“Did you kiss her?”

Silence, and then, a soft “No.”

“Did you want to?”

Lauren can almost hear the sound of two hearts shattering at once. “Yes,” She says. “But-“

“Why are you beating a dead horse, Lauren?” Lucy looks at her with watery eyes; the color in them fading to a near-gray. She smiles sadly, too, as if irony could somehow balance out the pain she feels right now. Sometimes the only way to combat sadness is to smile; to not let it crush you into a frowning, gray soul but instead a smiling, resilient one.

But maybe that’s bullshit, because the two girls know damn well that strength in a time of heartache is superfluous. To be weak is strength. To cry is strength. To be as angry as the devil’s hand is strength.

Lucy continues. “You love her." She shrugs, forcing that same smile. “You’ve always, always loved her. Before I was even an idea to you, Lauren, you loved her. I was always second to her; you know that.”

“No,” Lauren shakes her head desperately, pleading. “That isn’t true! You-“

“If I can accept that you don’t want me, why can’t you!?”

The silence resumes, and for the first time, Lauren realizes she has to face the inevitable. She no longer has control over the situation. In the cramped, purple dorm room of NYU CAS, building number two, there are not two girls sitting on a bed but instead, two hearts. Mind and body no longer have a say in this conversation.

And thus, without words it is said: “We are no good for each other; we have to break up; this is it.”

The two girls fall into each other one last time, mourning their relationship and, perhaps, the love that was once there- if it was ever there at all. After a while, Lucy whispers, still in Lauren’s arms:

“Now, lets go get your girl.”

————————————————————————————————————n

“No.”

Lauren is standing outside of Camila’s dorm room. Her upper half is completely soaked from the storm raging outside, and she would love nothing more than to step inside the cozy, heated bedroom of the girl she only just recently realized she loves. In fact, she would love to step into Camila’s arms. Embrace the girls warmth. Fall in love. You get the picture.

Instead, Lauren faces Camila’s guard dog, Ally. The short brunette stands in front of the shut door, arms crossed, eyes pointed. Things are never so easy for Lauren.

“Ally-“ Lauren tries again to argue, but Ally simply shakes her head. She huffs.

“I said no, Lauren.”

“Jesus Christ,” Lauren flails her arms for effect. “Why? Why can’t you just let us be happy, Ally? Why can’t you just-“

Ally uncrosses her arms. “Let you two be happy?” She arches a brow. “Are you- Are you fucking serious right now? Get out of here, Lauren.”

“You have to understand-“

“I do understand! I understand that you ran away, again, for the fucking up tenth time. And then- and then-!” Ally makes obscene hand gestures. “You had the opportunity to explain yourself to her, and just when you were about to make things right, you hung up! You didn’t even give her a heads up you were coming here! She’s a mess, Lauren, because of you!”

Lauren struggles to think of a retort.

“Camila’s still crying, and yet you think you can just make things up to her, again! You should’ve learned from the very first time you hurt her, Lauren: Stay away.”

“Ally…” Lauren shakes her head, her breathing suddenly shallow. “You have to give me another chance-“

“I’ve given you plenty.”

Lauren shifts her weight from one foot to the other. Admittedly, she truly does understand where Ally is coming from. After all, if it were Lauren in her shoes, she would be acting the same exact way. Camila was always like a sister to Ally- from day one of Kindergarten the two girls were inseparable.

Ally couldn’t protect Camila from the car crash, from her dad, from Lauren. But now that she’s back, Ally has a second chance, and she’s made certain she isn’t going to blow it.

But, Lauren thinks, Ally has to realize the girl is incapable of being hurt any more than she already has been. It is not Lauren who is the issue; its the self-destructive tentacles that cling far too hard to other people. Its those very tentacles that Lauren has tried so fucking hard to cut off, beginning with Lucy and-

Lucy.

“I broke up with Lucy,” Lauren says all too abruptly.

Ally arches a brow.

“I- we…We both realized we couldn’t be together because of my feelings for Camila.”

Ally arches her brow higher.

“Come on, Ally!” Lauren throws her head back with a sigh. “Listen to me! You can say you understand where I’m coming from- that you know how much of an impact the past has had on me, how much it is still impacting me-“ She shakes her head viciously, shrugging. “But you don’t. You were her best friend, not her girlfriend. I poured so, so much of myself into that girl- into that relationship, I-“

Lauren pauses, thinking over her words.

“I don’t know if we can be together. Truly, be together.” She shrugs again. “But too much has happened for me to just give up again. To run, again. I just-…I need to talk to her, okay? I’m not asking your permission to date her. We both know…” We both know it’ll never work, she wants to say. Instead, she mumbles, “I just want to talk to her.”

Perhaps its the honesty to Lauren’s words. Or maybe Ally is simply too exhausted to fight anymore. Maybe its the goodness in her heart, the part that would rather see the good than the bad in a person. Maybe there is no string of poetry to conclude why Ally gives in, only importance in her decision to do so. She gives a deep sigh before speaking, as if each and every stressor is exhaled alongside her breath.

“I don’t think the two of you will ever work out.” Ally keeps her eyes glued to the ground. “I think you have too big of a conscious and she has too big of a heart. You’ll be in a constant state of panic around her and she’ll try to look past it. But eventually, you’ll let the truth slip.”

She looks up to meet Lauren’s eyes.

“And she will never get over that, Lauren. We’re containing her in this alternate reality because we think she’s safer that way- I even think she’s safer that way. But the truth is, she’s going to find out one way or another, whether its from you or from one of her triggers or…whatever. That girl has been through hell and its not even over yet.

“But…there’s a reason she’s so into you, Lauren.”

This catches Lauren’s attention. She wills herself to hold Ally’s gaze.

“From the very first day she met you, she wouldn’t stop talking about you. ‘Lauren knows my name! I think Lauren likes me! She said yes to dinner!’” Ally echoes Camila’s words, smiling faintly as she does so. It even prompts a smile on Lauren’s face.

“She really, really likes you, Lo,” Ally continues. “I would even go as far as to say she…well…” She shrugs a final time.

“She loves you. Camila loves you, Lauren, and she just met you a few days ago. And that’s the only reason I tried to stay out of things. If she loves you already, maybe she remembers. Maybe…Maybe love cannot be erased from the heart.”

Lauren can no longer hold back her tears. She rushes in on Ally, opening her arms to envelop the smaller girl in a huge hug-

“But-“ Ally swerves out of Lauren’s reach. Arching a brow, she holds a finger up. “If you break her heart; make her feel in anyway that she was stupid for giving you her heart…I will kill you. I will. Literally. Kill You.” Lauren nods, but Ally arches her brow further. “No, I’m serious, Lauren. I will get thrown out of NYU and into a jail cell for putting you in a wheelchair. Are we clear?”

Lauren holds back her smile, twisting her hands together and pinning them down at her waist. She nods simply, pursing her lips.

“Good. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need a drink…or twenty.” Ally makes a move to walk away, but as if on second thought, she reaches out and grabs ahold of Lauren’s shoulder. “Don’t screw this up,” She whispers. As she turns to leave, Lauren sees the faintness of a smile.

And it’s enough to say ‘I don’t hate you, I’m just worried’. Enough to say ‘I love you, but please be careful’.

And Lauren swears to herself: if she messes this up, Ally won’t have to kill her. Lauren can take care of that all by herself.

She knocks on the door.

————————————————————————————————————

The band shirt and ripped skinny jeans Camila had worn to the date now lay strewn across the bedroom floor.

At one end of the room is a pale brunette, covered heavily by a baggy, white sweatshirt and matching sweatpants. Her hair is done up in a bun, making the tracts of washed-out makeup down her neck visible. Here is a girl in shambles.

At the other end of the room is a tall, tanner brunette. She is in the same black dress from a few hours before- she had no energy to change into something more comfortable. Her eyes are red and bloodshot, but that is the only evidence to show she’d been crying. Here, too, is a girl in shambles.

Neither of them have the energy to speak, but after a few moments of mutual staring, Camila tears her gaze away and mumbles, “You didn’t have to come here, you know.” Her voice is more tired and ragged than Lauren has ever heard before, and her already-broken heart shatters a bit more.

Lauren says, “No, I did.”

She opens her mouth to say more, but the words she wants to convey are so heavy she feels as though she might throw up. She steps a bit closer to Camila, the two girls now only a few feet apart.

Lauren is simply rambling at this point. “I know I ran out on you, and that was so fucking stupid on my end-“

“You were having a panic attack,” Camila deadpans. She shrugs, not really meeting Lauren’s eyes. “What were you supposed to do?”

“Camila-“ Lauren begins, but her voice catches in her throat upon seeing the defeated, gaunt features of Camila’s face.

The girl is merely a ghost of who she was a few hours ago, shifted completely from bright and overly-confident to depressed and self-conscious. And as much as it upsets Lauren to see her this way, it also gives her a bit of hope. For if Camila didn’t have such strong feelings for Lauren, she wouldn’t be so…serious. A date gone bad with anyone else is merely a bump in the road for Camila, something she could easily get over with loud pop music and a drink. But with Lauren? With Lauren, things are different. Camila is actually…hurt. Disappointed, more at herself than anyone else. Lauren knows this Camila. She’s seen it all too many times.

And thus, Lauren speaks the only words she know can make things right.

“I am Lauren Michelle Jauregui Morgado.”

She starts off shakily, and the confusion in Camila’s raised brow certainly doesn’t ease her nervousness. But she continues regardless.

“I’m a sophomore at NYU who’s convinced that if she studies all the possible majors involving writing, I’ll somehow manage to land a job as an author, or a journalist, or a copyeditor. But the truth is I’ll probably be forced to become an English teacher.”

She breathes. Keep going.

“I have a really fucked up past…one that I’ll probably never open up about to anyone except those who were there when it was happening- the past, I mean-“ She almost apologizes for stuttering, but a quick glance at Camila shows color returning to the girl’s eyes. Concerned, brown eyes. Brown-Eyed Girl.

Lauren’s voice trembles, but she keeps strong. “I’m a lot to put up with. I have terrible night terrors nearly every night and I’m lucky if I get seven hours of sleep a week. Most people leave because I’m too much for them, or…Or I force them to leave, like…Like Lucy-“ Lauren recalls she and Lucy are no longer together, but for the first time there is no pain accompanying the thought; instead merely numbness.

Perhaps it is the mark of moving on.

“I broke up with Lucy,” Lauren says, again feeling no pain with the statement. “I-“

But now, all signs of comfort leave Camila’s face. The girl gasps with her entire body, so much that her bed shifts below her. “Lauren…!” Her brow arches incredibly high, her mouth matching its steepness. “You didn’t-! Wh-…Why?! You shouldn’t have done that, Lauren, Jesus!”

This time its Lauren who deadpans. “Don’t flatter yourself,” She says, smiling faintly. “It was a mutual thing. We broke up for each other’s sake. not because of you.”

“Oh…” Camila slinks back into her bed.

Lauren simply chuckles dryly, but the effort is overshadowed by sadness. It’s a shallow laugh, forced. She shakes her head, silently cursing herself for even trying to lift the mood.

“Anyway,” Lauren sighs. “I don’t know how good of a girlfriend I can be if all I’m doing is hiding beneath loads of luggage. Does that make sense?”

Camila shakes her head, no.

“Right…” Lauren sighs again. “Look, I don’t know if a relationship between us would work out. I can’t promise you that I’m somehow magically going to change overnight; that I won’t fuck things up-“

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Lauren.” Camila cuts in, suddenly worried. “I’m not mad or anything, I’m just-“

“Let me finish.”

Camila arches a brow, but nevertheless lets the girl continue.

“I’m not asking for a relationship. I’m not asking for roses or promise rings or love letters. I’m just asking you to let me try.”

Camila arches her brow further.

“I like you, Camila. God, I like you too much. And maybe I scared you off earlier, but I was just…so scared. Scared of everything going wrong, of jumping into something that may not work. But I’m tired of running from things I can’t control.”

Lauren takes a step closer to Camila.

“And all I know is that since you came ba-” She stops herself from saying back. “…Since you came into my life, the nightmares have calmed down. Most nights, I can sleep. I’m not saying you’re somehow a cure for whatever’s wrong with me- obviously I’m still having panic attacks around you, but-…but I’m saying you-“ Lauren pauses. Whatever she says next can make the difference between a doomed relationship and a blooming one.

She steps even closer to Camila.

“You make me feel safe. And I know all too well life is too short to deny yourself a safe place; to deny yourself happiness; to deny yourself someone who might be able to give you the world.”

At this point, the two girls are mere inches away from each other. A few heartbeats pass, and in those moments lie awkward, but serious, mutual stares. It is here where they should kiss, but Camila chooses otherwise.

“Do you always have to be so emo?” She says, attempting to stifle a smirk. “It’s such a turn-off.���

Lauren arches a brow, cocking her head to the side as if to make sure Camila is joking. “I thought you liked me for my emo-ness?”

“Mm, I thought I did, too. In fact, I almost kissed you there, but then you kind of ruined it with the whole ‘you make me safe’ bit.”

Lauren shoves Camila so hard she falls back onto the bed. “Fuck you,” She chuckles.

“Well, I would allow you to, but, alas,” Camila cocks her head, still on her back. She winks. “I’m not a bottom.”

Lauren blinks, her jaw dropping. Then, without missing a beat, she heads for the door. “Bye,” She turns the knob, opens the door.

“Noo!” Camila leaps from the bed and practically tackles Lauren. “I was joking! I’ll let you be the bottom if that’s what you want!”

Lauren shakes her off, chuckling uncontrollably now. “I hate you.”

“Really?” Camila latches back onto Lauren, turning her around so that her back is to the doorway. Arching a brow, she pushes Lauren up against the door until it shuts.

“Because, you know,” She throws her head to the side, lowering her voice. She trails a finger down Lauren’s chest. “From that speech back there, it kind of sounded like you’re into me. Quite into me, actually.”

Lauren laughs again, though this time it sounds a bit nervous and forced. She can feel blood rushing to her cheeks.

“I’m not gonna kiss you.”

Camila frowns. “You sure?”

“Positive.”

“Like, one-hundred percent positive?”

“One hundred and ten percent.”

But Lauren grabs a hold of Camila’s hand.

And she kisses her anyway.

 ———————————————————————————————

its still totally possible for Laucy (or just Lucy ;) ) to make a comeback in the next chapter. or not. lemme know what u wanna see in the next few chapters?

also…feedback is always always super encouraging. thank youuu

have a nice day !!

-Mikayla