#as much as i want a pretty sword i cannot justify buying it

[orcelito]

Also here are the throwing stars I inadvisably bought today

They were pretty cheap and they are So Cool 🥺

Spike pile lol

[cozzzynook]

in the middle of dratchrod planning their conjunxing ceremony, roddy gets knocked up.

Rodimus would notice somethings off when he’s trying the fuel they picked for their ceremony. Everything tastes fine to Ratchet and Drift but to him its absolutely disgusting from smell alone and he all together avoids tasting anything telling them he was more excited about picking crystal flowers than the food.

That was entirely odd to the two but they let it be.

Convincing Rodimus to conjunx at all was hard because he felt and knew they deserved much better than him. He’s put them through far too much for either to actually want him or not have resentment towards him so he was adamant their relationship be left as just bots who liked to frag.

Rodimus didn’t even see himself as worthy to be called friends with Drift anymore let alone Amica.

And his relationship with Ratchet?

If the medic punched him every time he saw him he would be justified.

Of course those opinions were rejected by the medic and swords mech. Rodimus wouldn’t budge at all being adamant they call him when they wanted a fun or quick frag. Rodimus made sure he didn’t stay a klik after getting the two off and it was after the fifth time that Drift and Ratchet literally held Rodimus down with their frames and did a claiming bite.

Ever since Rodimus hasn’t been allowed to leave either of their sides and hasn’t been to his old home in years.

He didn’t see any of this coming but apparently everyone else did.

“Spill it, whats wrong kid?”

“Roddy you aren’t getting out of conjunxing us. I’m not above tying you up.”

“There’s a lot in that statement I know you know is messed up.”

Drift didn’t look away from him and Ratchet leaned his frame over to block Rodimus from moving away from the table of crystal flowers.

His favorite crystal flowers that he’s planted around their home among various others that he’s purposely pushing away and avoiding.

“Nothing’s wrong, I just wanna look at something different,” he shrugs.

He thinks he has an idea of whats going on but he’s too nervous to even think about it let alone say it aloud. Smells are getting to him, he can’t stand the scent of most foods and the array Drift and Ratchet picked out make him want to purge. He’s secretly purged more than a few times while cooking for them. Rodimus decided denial was his new best friend seeing as he’s began to enjoy sneaking Drift and Ratchets energon fuel.

He realized pretty early on he shouldn’t be able to handle such heavy consumption but he shook his helm and decided to just enjoy the fuel that didn’t send him to the wash racks.

He’s thankful they didn’t notice and he’s very thankful they assume he’s back on his habit of being lazy by sleeping in. Never-mind it wasn’t normal for him to sleep so early but they assume its conjunx jitters since he’s so sure they’ll come to their senses and either call the whole thing off or just have another ceremony for themselves.

Every time he brings up that this should be a ceremony renewal for the two of them alone they glare at him until he clams up and looks away putting his servos in his lap.

When he talks like that he’s always “punished” in the berth.

Thats exactly how he ended up in this situation now.

Or, well…the situation he still refuses to admit aloud as he now cannot be around most fuel, his own crystal plants around their home and for their ceremony along with recharging late every cycle.

They’re keeping a closer optic on him now that he sleeps through them gently trying to shake him awake.

Thankfully they believe it’s still conjunx jitters and his insecurities and fears that never went away.

Not even with their proposal after an intense round of interfacing and spark merging that happened a few months ago.

It’s safe to assume that night is what caused his current circumstances.

He was in such a mess of tears, fluids, transfluids and spark energies that heavily hung in the room as the core to their sparks floated between their connected frame he didn’t stop to think about his spark baffle snapping at the intense onslaught their emotions, transfluid and bare spark caused.

He definitely should’ve done more than remove the broken baffle from his valve port when he could walk again.

If he’s correct and he’s pretty sure he is sadly, he’s a few months along which is still extremely early by their species standards.

They live a long time so of course they carry for a long time.

A few months is nothing compared to the multiple years he’ll be stuck carrying…ya know, if he actually is carrying that is.

He’s trying to hide a heavy vent as he subtly sits down a few feet away from the ceremonial crystals and paints Drift and Ratchet are picking out. The smell alone is making his tanks hurt with every rough roll it can manage to suffer. He’s not as subtle as he’d like to be when covering half his face plates with his servo to block out the smell. Drift and Ratchet, in true carrying fashion still smell good to him.

In fact Rodimus takes every chance he gets to bury his olfactory sensors into their cables and their sides of the berth when it’s not suspicious. He’s always tried to hide how clingy he is so when he does finally act on it the two hold him close and keep him from retreating. He’s almost sure they’re just as touch craving as he is but its become almost unbearable now that his frame has betrayed him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Hm? Oh, the paint smells strong is all,” he can’t bring himself to force a smile like their old crew would expect of him but he can’t bring himself to stop covering his olfactory sensor. When the two get close enough and touch him, he audibly gags and puts a servo to his tanks that rat him out and Ratchet is shifting the two back so he doesn’t purge in the store.

Ceremonial paints and fabrics come to a quick end, he apologizes for ruining their moment and that earns him an exasperated set of glares and light slew of curses from Ratchet who wants to scan him when they get back to the house.

“No.”

“What do you mean “no?” Kid this is non-negotiable you are getting scanned now hold still.”

“Fraggin-,” he used his outlier to heat up his frame to keep the medic from getting a clear reading that he immediately regretted. The tiny morsel of energy he managed to scrounge was depleted immediately and he was ready to drop as his optics dilated, something their species did not do, and he felt out of frame as his chassis and tanks hollowed tight.

Sheer stubbornness is how he managed to stumble towards the berthroom and slip the lock on it.

He tumbled and landed in their berth that honestly looked more like a nesting spot than recharging slab.

He messed up big time. He knows.

Their pounding on the door, yells of his name and worried fear and concerned anger permeated the space of their house and he really hated himself for causing all this.

“I’m sorry,” its said when the two are about to pound on the door again. He caught their fists mid air when he cleared his spark of the long coming apology.

All was silent for an endless amount of kliks that felt like years.

Truly nano seconds passed with Rodimus laying in berth ready to fall into recharge when Drift ripped the door off.

He was too tired to react properly to the overwhelming emotions that circled and he hoped things would be calm when he woke to tell them what he could not hold out on.

“I’ll tell you when I wake up? Please?”

Slurred words were not a good sign but his desperate need of rest was the obvious culprit.

He doesn’t know how or why luck was on his side but Ratchet didn’t scan him and Drift hadn’t gone into his processor to look up his manual frame codings or logs.

“Talk.”

Both were on either side of him, tangling in each other to keep his exhausted frame trapped and he knew he truly had no choice but to tell the truth.

“We are your conjunxs Roddy, I don’t care if we haven’t done the ceremony yet we’ve merged the core of our sparks already that is the ceremony, you can’t just keep us in the dark.”

“drifts right kid, either tell us whats going on or we resort to other methods of finding out.”

And yeah, that sounded very threatening but Rodimus knew they weren’t going to hurt him. His frame didn’t even take the statement with so much as a nano tense. He just felt his nerves fraying at having to reveal whats actually going on.

“If I say its not bad will that be enough?”

White calloused servos grip him briefly and he knows its Drift judging by the callous shape and texture from his swords. Another set of calloused servos feels along his sides and he knows it Ratchet from wear and tear during medical procedures and long term use kick back from firing a blaster.

Closing his optics, he shifted his arms. Should Ratchet keep feeling around his frame he’ll know.

But the mech doesn’t keep going. In fact they both still, waiting for his explanation.

And he wants to tell them.

Not really, but he still wants them to know.

They deserve to know more like it.

They deserve to know why he’s been acting so strangely. Why his typical fuel goes untouched. Why his garden is beginning to wither because he just can’t stand the smell. Why he barely leaves the berth when he doesn’t have to. Recharge is just not enough with how tired he feels.

But that could be the sorrow of being spar—

The half inner admittance squeezes at his chassis pulling him forward to reality.

He really can’t..he really can’t do this.

He can’t conjunx them and do…this.

He can’t be. He just can’t do that to another life when he wishes he could wipe their processors clean of him and save them the trouble. But a terribly selfish part of him wants to be enveloped whole by their care and affection.

He wants to feel their servos knitting along his frame as he does now and he wants their em fields bounding and overwhelming with life inside him.

And he has that.

Quite Literally, has that inside of him right now.

And as much as that makes him tear up and begin to cry, this state of him strikes worry and mild panic that both mechs try to soothe both within themselves and him as he fails to cover his own face plates.

They won’t allow him to close himself any longer nor try and hide any further than what he’s already managed.

Firm yet gentle servos keep a hold of his wrists and around his hip plating to pull him up.

As normal a movement lifting is, its become too quick for his sensitive tanks that lurch and make him choke on a sob. He’s tilting his helm away from the two in case he purges and that sets Drift off into a fearing tizzy as he stops mid lift and scans him with his optics to see just what happened and how he could’ve made Roddy sick.

He’s thankful Ratchet was the one holding his wrists instead of Drift because if he had been, he was sure their medic would’ve felt the plush beginning to form around his tanks.

And mech if that wasn’t a reason to cry all over again.

Showing this early when their species take years to develop sparklings?

He knows exactly what that means and how unlucky he is to have more than one for his first carrying.

Maybe if he’s lucky he’s just getting frame gain easy and early.

The bitty could always be big as well. Ratchet was a solid mech through and through and Drift was no average sized mecha in his old frame as Deadlock either.

“I’m fine,” he eventually gets out.

He’s thankful Ratchet didn’t immediately begin scanning him or the cyber kitty would’ve been out the bag.

With a soft tug Ratchet lets a wrist go free and Rodimus figures nows a better time than any before he actually does purge. That and he’s probably close to passing out, his recharge was cut short for their fabric picking after all.

So with a servo trembling on his tanks, optics fuzzy with tears and shaking limbs, he vents with staggering effort as he opens his spark and em field for the first time in a long while.

Spilling the fuel while he still had dizzy courage.

“I’m carrying..that’s whats wrong with me..”

And..that was not what the two were expecting to hear.

They both have their own way to check over their bonded speedster who they carefully laid down in the nest of pillows he created for their berth.

A sign they honestly should’ve picked up on if they were honest with themselves.

Drift goes helm first into Rodimus’s aura and open field. He can feel the tiny life forms within Rodimus as clear as he’s watching Ratty scan and manually insert a wrist port reader into Rodimus who tries to stay awake. The surprise gasp that Ratty lets out shouldn’t spur his own but it does.

Roddy was sparked.

He was actually sparked.

Sparked.

Sparked.

Sparked…with their bitty?

“Oh primus,” “Holy primus kid,” “you’re sparked?!”

It was so inappropriate to give off a laugh at their astonished shock but he couldn’t help it.

Karma got back at him by making his tanks roll but he did his best to stifle the groan and rub his tanks even with his secret out.

There was berating from Ratchet and a slew of curses for not telling them sooner as he checked Rodimus over manually and with his scanners.

Drift wasn’t any better.

Slipping back into who he used to be, Deadlock made an appearance with glowing yellow optics that seemed to glow for Ratchet to take a better look at his spark and the leftover residue from their sparklings decent into his forge tank and liquid filled gestation pouch.

Drift held Rodimus in a lying position on his lap while they all were occupying the berth.

Ratchet was over him and very meticulous as he worked on his spark and began soothing the bits of inflammation that usually occurred within his chamber from long emerged spark issues.

All was quiet save for the semi-frequent berating he knew were from the spark of both mechs.

He honestly struggled not to fall asleep with how Drift laid his large servo flat against his tanks and rubbed them.

He felt it too nice a gesture when he caused them so much worry and panic. Even hiding his current predicament from them for so long but neither were keen to hear that line of reasoning so he kept those thoughts to himself.

His optics were drooping painfully closed when Ratchet closed his spark chamber and opened his tank plating. It felt so freeing not having the metallico on. It truly put into perspective just how much his frame was changing as there was already a noticeable bump that both Drift and Ratchet couldn’t keep their servos off.

This next port patch was done far slower than necessary but he wasn’t about to tell Ratchet or Drift that.

He let them have this.

Satisfied with their quiet enchantment that gave him a chance to study the longing on Drift’s face plates and building hope that grew on Ratchet’s expressive optics. Their em field were overflowing with adoration that was quickly solidifying into something solid and permanent he himself was still afraid to grasp onto.

Whatever his emotions or expression spoke, it was written in basic across his being.

The two gave him the same looks they often gave when he mentioned they deserved better than him and he hated it.

He didn’t want to ruin this for them. Primus. Why was he always ruining things?

“Stop, kid. Just stop, Rodimus.”

Stupid hormone flux, he didn’t mean to sniffle but it just came out. He wasn’t a crier slaggit. He wasn’t.

“We never imagined we could have something like this..a home..a family. Each other,” Ratchet speaks honestly.

“And now we have sparklings,” Drift’s voice smoothes in, so in awe at life, how could he keep this from him? From either of them?

“You’ve given us something neither of our frames could ever…something we’ve always wanted kid,” and Ratchet was right. His frame was not in any shape to safely carry a sparkling and all the internal damage from doing drugs and old injuries and stunts from disease left Drifts frame barren of sparkling capabilities.

“Something I know you want yourself,” he wasn’t expecting Drift to say that but it makes sense. Drift knew about his insecurities towards sparklings. How he was so good with them yet stayed far away due to his own fears and personal traumas watching them all offline during the fall of his home.

He knew Drift knew.

He just didn’t know Ratchet knew.

“It’s different now kid..Nyon..Nyon won’t happen again..you can hope for more kid. As sparse as its been, I’ve seen ya with the little shell-less menaces and toddling bits. You won’t mess them up anymore than we will,” he wanted to hide himself again. Being laid bare was not something he liked and they knew this.

Keeping his face plates on him, Ratchet leans just a bit closer, “You can enjoy this Rodimus,” frag.., “don’t shut us out anymore. Please?”

“frag..”

He can’t trust himself anymore.

He’s crying again.

He’s crying again and he hates it.

They know.

They always know.

But they hold him. They hold him and it makes crying, feeling their servos run along his tanks and smooth over him, a little more easier.

“I’m sorry,” he promises with staggering low vents, Ratchet keeps his oil and energon levels steady and Drift nuzzling into his face plates feels far too good to him.

“I..you deserve..I won’t..I can’t..”

He doesn’t know how to make the words better or himself but they never asked for that.

So when they hug him close and he feels acceptance dripping off their frames as he always does.

He grants them the best he can give of himself and admitting he’s sparked over and over aloud to himself and that he wants it, is a happiness and relief beyond what he thought possible.

Things change.

Their ceremony is still in the last week of the warm months and its still at the same place as previously planned. The food Drift and Ratchet picked out was served and the crystal flowers Rodimus once liked were on the outskirts, far from his olfactory sensors with a new plant life hanging about in a beautiful array. While the ceremonial fabrics were servo made in an effort together instead of customized at the shops.

The station of fuel the two picked were kept at a distance from where they sat and danced together while a heavy bundle of homemade fuel was servo fed to the glowing speedster. Rodimus refused their rejections of being servo fed in return. As much as they spoiled him he would return it whole sparked.

All their guests noticed the changes immediately and were confused until they saw Rodimus who had both mechs on each side of him rubbing the visible swell on his midsection that couldn’t be hidden even with ceremonial jewels and fabrics.

Suddenly it made a lot of sense and there was a lot of congratulations for more than just their official conjunxing ceremony.

“Don’t feel so bad Roddy, Cyclonus was sparked for our ceremony and so was Whirl. They just weren’t showing yet,” Tailgate assured and comforted him when he had to sit down right after saying their words of promise. Truthfully they made him sit down right after he said his own because it was really hard to stand for longer than a few kliks and he’d already been standing for quite some time helping get the last of everything ready.

Drift and Ratchet were not pleased when they learned he’d been up and moving. But he brushed them off only to regret it of course but its fine.

“That..actually does make me feel better,” he laughed and cuddled with one of Tailgate, Whirl and Cyclonus’s sparkling.

He could feel Drift and Ratchets optics burning as they watched him and he had a feeling he’d be getting his helm smashed through the head board once they got on the honeymoon cruise. Or on the way there, probably on the way there.

“Thankfully the sparklings took after Minimus’s frame so you couldn’t tell I was sparked in the photos,” Megatron assured him with Minimus nodding.

“Eh, I was full on showing and had to sit through my whole ceremony till my fluids broke. At least ya won’t go into emergence like I did on your special day,” Bee smiled comfortingly while Starscream looked far too proud of having knocked Bee up. Windblade elbowed him and tugged his wing before kissing Bee’s horn and rubbing his swollen tank. They were on their second sparkling and Bee looked pretty good, he hoped he looked good when he got Bee’s size…which would be sooner than later it seems.

He sighed, smiling at his friends who reminisced on carrying and told him stories he’d already seen in person.

He gave Cyclonus his bitty when he’d gotten them to recharge and took Megatron and Minimus’s bitty when they got too fussy. He really was good at handling bitties, he could handle others just fine yet it made him hope he could handle his own.

Drift and Ratchet literally curled around him from behind and managed to put all three of them in a touching hug when the toast was given. Somehow they held his swelling tanks and over each others sparks and he managed to hold onto their sparks as well.

Insecurity and fear still swelled within him for the future. Things like that just didn’t go away for him no matter how much time has passed.

But for now in this moment, its too quiet to be detected and for that, he’s grateful.

-

If you can or would like to please tip me

[brawltogethernow]

So, I don't think I've ever asked you this... what IS the whole point of the Spider-Sense? It really seems like something that only exists for writers to ignore or work around when they want to inject Legit Tension into a story.

I’ve thought about this power so much, but never with an eye to defend its right to exist, so I needed to think about this. The results could be more concise.

Ironically, given the question, I have to say its main purpose is to ramp up tension. But it’s also a highly variable multitool that a skilled creative team can use for...pretty much anything. It does everything the writer wants it to, while for its wielder always falls just short of doing enough.

I went looking through my photos for a really generic, classic-looking example to use as an image to head this topic, but then I ran into the time Peter absolutely did not reimburse this man for his stolen McDonald’s, so have that instead.

A Scare Chord, But You Can Draw It

That one post that says the spider-sense is just super-anxiety isn’t, like, wrong. It’s a very anxious, dramatic storytelling tool originally designed for a very anxious, dramatic protagonist. I find it speaks to the overall tone of the franchise that some characters are functionally psychics, but with a psychic ability that only points out problems.

Spidey sense pinging? There’s danger, be stressed! Broken? Now the lead won’t even KNOW when there’s a problem, scary! Single character is immune to it? That’s an invisible knife in the dark oh my god what the fuck what the fU--

Like its counterpart in garden variety anxiety, the only time the spider-sense reduces tension is in the middle of a crisis. But in the wish fulfillmenty way that you want in an adventure story to justify exaggerated action sequences, the same way enhanced strength or durability does. Also like those, it would theoretically make someone much safer to have it, but it exists in the story to let your character navigate into and weather more dangerous situations.

For its basic role in a story, a danger sense is a snappy way to rile up both the reader and the protagonist that doesn’t offer much information beyond that it’s time to sit smart because shit is about to go down.

Spidey comic canon is all over the board in quality and genre, and it started needing to subvert its formulas before the creators got a handle on what those formulas even were, and basically no one has read anything approaching most of it at this point, so for consistent examples of a really bare bones use of this power in storytelling, I’d point to the property that’s done the best job yet of boiling down the mechanics of Spider-Man to their absolute most basic essentials for adaptation to a compelling monster of the week TV series.

Or as you probably know it, Danny Phantom. DON’T BOO, I’M RIGHT.

DP is Spider-Man with about 2/3 of the serial numbers filed off and no death (ironically), and Danny’s ghost sense is the most proof in the formula example of what the spidey sense is for: It’s a big sign held up for the viewer that says, “Something is wrong! Pay attention!” Effectively a visual scare chord. It’s about That Drama. And it works, which won it a consistent place in the show’s formula. We’re talking several times an episode here.

So why does it work?

It’s a little counterintuitive, but it’s strong storytelling to tell your audience that something bad is going to happen before it does. A vague, punchy spoiler transforms the ignorant calm before a conflict into a tense moment of anticipation. ...And it makes sure people don’t fail to absorb the beginning of said conflict because they weren’t prepared to shift gears when the scene did. Shock is a valuable tool, too, but treating it like a staple is how you burn out your audience instead of keeping them engaged. Not to go after an easy target, but you need to know how to manage your audience’s alarm if you don’t want to end up like Game of Thrones.

The limits of the spider-sense also keep you on your toes when handled by a smart writer. It tells Peter (everyone’s is a little different, so I’m going to cite the og) about threats to his person, but it doesn’t elaborate with any details when it’s not already obvious why, what kind, and from what. And it doesn’t warn him about anything else-- Which is a pretty critical gap when you zoom out and look at his hero career’s successes and failures and conclude that it’s definitely why he’s lived as long as he has acting the way he does, but was useless as he failed to save a string of people he’d have much rather had live on than him.

(Any long-running superhero mythos has these incidents, but with Peter they’re important to the core themes.)

And since this power is by plot for plot (or because it’s roughly agreed it only really blares about threats that check at least two boxes of being major, immediate, or physical), it always kicks in enough to register when the danger is bearing down...when it’s too late to actually do anything about it if “anything” is a more complex action than “dodge”.

Really? Not until the elevator doors started to open?

That Distinctive, Crunchy Spider Flavor

The spider-sense and its little pen squiggles go hand in hand with wallcrawling (and its unique and instantly identifiable associated body language) to make the Spider-Person powerset enduringly iconic and elevate characters with it from being generic mid-level super-bricks. Visually, but also in how it shapes the story.

I said it can share a narrative role with super strength. But when you end a fight and go home, super strength continues to make your character feel powerful, probably safer than they’d be otherwise, maybe dangerous.

The spider-sense just keeps blaring, “Something’s wrong! Something’s wrong! God, why aren’t you doing something about this!?”

Pretty morose thing to live with, for a safety net! Kind of a double edged sword you have there! Could be constantly being hyperattuned to problems would prime you for a negative outlook on life. Kind of seems like a power that would make it impossible for a moral person to take a day off, leading them into a beleaguered and resentful yet dutiful attitude about the whole superhero gig! Might build up to some of the core traits of this mythos, maybe! Might lead to a lot of fifteen minute retirement stories, or something. Might even be a built in ‘great responsibility’ alarm that gets you a main character who as a rule is not going to stop fighting until he physically cannot fight anymore.

Certainly not apropos of anything, just throwing this short lived barely-a-joke tagline up for fun.

One of my personal favorite things about stories with superpowers is keeping in mind how they cause the people who have them to act in unusual ways outside of fights, so when you tell me that these people have an entire extra sense that tells them when the gas in their house is leaking through a barely useful hot/cold warning system that never turns off, I’m like, eyes emojis, popcorn out, notebook open, listening intently, spectacles on, the whole deal.

It also contributes to Peter Parker’s personality in a way I really enjoy: It allows him to act like an irrational maniac. When you know exactly when a situation becomes dangerous and how much, normal levels of caution go out the window and absolutely nothing you do makes sense from an exterior standpoint anymore. That’s the good shit. I would like to see more exploration of how the non-Parker characters experiencing the world in this incredibly altered way bounce in response.

It’s also one of many tools in this franchise hauling the reader into relating more closely with the main character. The backbone of classic Spidey is probably being in on secrets only Peter and the reader know which completely reframe how one views the situation on the page. It’s just a big irony mine for the whole first decade. A convenient way to inform the reader and the lead that something is bad news that’s not perceivable to any other characters is youth-with-a-big-exciting-secret catnip.

Another point for tension, there, in that being aware of danger is not synonymous with being able to act on it. If there’s no visible reason for you to be acting strange, well...you’re just going to have to sit tight and sweat, aren’t you? Some gratuitous head wiggles never hurt when setting up that type of conflict.

Have I mentioned that they look cool? Simultaneously punchy and distinctive, with a respectable amount of leeway for artists to get creative with and still coming up with something easily recognizable? And pretty easy to intuit the meaning of even without the long-winded explanations common in the days when people wrote comics with the intent that someone could come in cold on any random issue and follow along okay, I think, although the mechanic has been deeply ingrained in popular culture for so long that I can’t really say for sure.

It was also useful back in the day when no artists drew the eyes on the Spider-Man mask as emoting and were conveying the lead’s expressions entirely through body language and panel composition. If you wiggle enough squiggles, you don’t need eyebrows.

Take This Handwave and Never Ask Me a Logistical Question Again

This ability patches plot holes faster than people can pick them open AND it can act as an excuse to get any plot rolling you can think of if paired with one meddling protagonist who doesn’t know how to mind their own business. Buy it now for only $19.99 (in four installments; that’s four installments of $19.99).

Why can a teenager win a six on one fight against other superhumans? Well, the spider-sense is the ultimate edge in combat, duh.

Why can Peter websling? Why doesn’t everyone websling? Well, the spider-sense is keeping him from eating flagpole when he violently flings himself across New York in a way neither man nor spider was ever meant to move.

How are we supposed to get him involved with the plot this week???? Well, that crate FELT dangerous, so he’s going to investigate it. Oh, dip, it was full of guns and radioactive snakes! Probably shouldn’t have opened that!

Yeah, okay, but why isn’t it fixing everything, then? Isn’t it supposed to be why Peter has never accidentally unmasked in front of somebody? ('Nother entry for this section, take a shot.) That’s crazy sensitive! How does he still have any problems!? Is everything bad that’s ever happened to characters with this powerset bad writing!? --Listen, I think as people with uncanny senses that can tell us whether we are in danger with accuracy that varies from incredible to approximate (I am talking about the five senses that most people have), we should all know better than to underestimate our ability to tune them out or interpret them wrong and fuck ourselves up anyway. I honestly find this part completely realistic.

*SLAPS ROOF OF SPIDER-SENSE* YOU CAN FIT SO MANY STORIES IN THIS THING

The spider-sense is a clean branch into...whatever. There is the exact right balance of structure and wishy-washiness to build off of. A sample selection of whatevers that have been built:

It’s sci-fi and spy gadgets when Peter builds technology that can interface with it.

It’s quasi-mystical when Kaine and Annie-May get stronger versions of it that give them literal psychic visions, or when you want to get mythological and start talking about all the spider-characters being part of a grand web of fate.

Kaine loses his and it becomes symbolic of a future newly unbound by constraints, entangled thematically with the improved physical health he picked up at the same time -- a loss presented as a gain.

Peter loses his and almost dies 782 times in one afternoon because that didn’t make the people he provoked when he had it stop trying to kill him, and also because he isn’t about to start “””taking the subway’’””’ “‘’“”to work”””’’” like some kind of loser who doesn’t get a heads up when he’s about to hit a pigeon at 50mph.

Peter’s starts tuning into his wife’s anxiety and it’s a tool in a relationship study.

It starts pinging whenever Peter’s near his boss who’s secretly been replaced by a shapeshifter and he IGNORES IT because his boss is enough of an asshole that that doesn’t strike him as weird; now it’s a comedy/irony tool.

Into the Spider-Verse made it this beautiful poetic thing connecting all the spider-heroes in the multiverse and stacked up a story on it about instant connection, loss, and incredibly unlikely strangers becoming a found family. It was also aesthetic as FUCK. Remember the scene where Miles just hears barely intelligible whispering that’s all lines people say later in the film and then his own voice very clearly says “look out” and then the room explodes?? Fuck!!!!

Venom becomes immune to it after hitchhiking to Earth in Peter’s bone juice and it makes him a unique threat while telling a more-homoerotic-than-I-assume-was-originally-intended story about violation and how close relationships can be dangerous when they go sour.

It doesn’t work on people you trust for maximum soap opera energy. Love the innate tragedy of this feature coming up.

IN CONCLUSION I don’t have much patience for writers who don’t take advantage of it, never mind feel they need to write around it.

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from Scream Queens Ep 11 "Black Friday"

"Be careful. I'd really like to kiss you again."

"I'm saving my energy for Black Friday doorbusters tomorrow morning."

"How about you do the honors?"

"Oh, the holidays. That festive time of year where everyone's decked out in their Christmas finest."

"The season of joy and love and presents begins when the clock strikes midnight."

"I thought you got all your clothing hand-delivered by A-list designers."

"Black Friday is about buying deliberately cheap, totally forgettable Christmas gifts for friends. The obvious cheapness of the gift makes them question our friendship and makes them way easier to manipulate as they try desperately to get back on my good side."

"Is this black toilet paper?"

"Amazing. A pair of mink albino boy shorts."

"I bribe the dude who deals weed off the loading dock to let me in a half hour early."

"Torturing these soulless manatees of senseless consumerism brings me so much joy. And isn't joy what the holiday season's all about?"

'At first I was like, "What a weird turkey." And then it clicked. Like... "Damn, that's a head."

"When you agree with me, it makes me question whether I actually agree with me."

"I am gonna take this opportunity to be the strong parental influence you have never had."

"You are gonna march over to that sofa right now and you're gonna sit down because you are in a time out."

"I'm sorry. Did you just put me on a time out? You do realize I'm not seven, right?"

"Well, behold how badly you've failed."

"I think it's pretty safe to assume that your career is over."

"Now, if you'll excuse us, we're going to the mall to exercise our patriotic right to join hundreds of thousands of our fellow out-of-breath Americans in sweatpants as they make frenzied, ill-thought-out purchases of cheap, crappy garbage they can't afford and don't need. To deny us of that right would be un-American."

"Let's go, sluts."

"I want to know what I'm being charged with."

"You drove your pickup truck through the front window of a Best Buy."

"You killed or maimed people. Let's go."

"Sounds awful, but I'd keep that to yourself."

"You're not really helping yourself."

"Most of the uniformed cops out there are working on a volunteer basis because they get backed up inside if they don't crack a few skulls every day."

"There's a killer on the loose and you're telling us this town has no police force?"

"I don't understand why you have to get us the crappiest gifts possible and then make sure we know about it beforehand just to ruin the surprise."

"I mean, that's like bringing pineapples to Hawaii."

"So would you feel the need to waste $13,000 buying me something I already have?"

"Maybe instead of using my disgusting wealth to buy my friends crap, I should use my disgusting wealth to buy my friends things they would actually enjoy."

"The mall is deserted."

"Oh, go on and shoot me, hag. It'll just make me young and skinny forever and you'll still be old. Come on, finish me off, you shriveled, old crone!"

"First day on the job and I caught a killer."

"Wait, you have a gun?"

"Damn! Why didn't I shoot him when I had the chance?"

"How's your crossbow wound?"

"The arrow missed all major arteries, and I'm currently rolling on some sweet painkillers."

"What exactly are you proposing?"

"I've always had this vision of a band of sisters who stand together like an impenetrable community of shields who kept everyone safe and secure."

"Sometimes, instead of shields, we need swords."

"No one is going to help us."

"No one is going to stop this until we are all dead."

"Well, I'm sorry, but she is a vindictive, amoral woman who no one is gonna miss."

"I say we poison her."

"Did you ever do it in my bed?"

"So you were gay lovers?"

"No, we were not gay lovers."

"I'm an investigative journalist."

"Well, you know, I really love the idea of a bunch of guys from different backgrounds getting together and forming a brotherhood for life."

"Have you ever been to a driving range?"

"What sort of ab regimen are you rocking, bro?"

"I guess the fact that you and I cannot stand one another is finally out in the open."

"Name your weapon."

"So pick your weapon. You can choose sabres, guns, baseball bats, small pebbles, spoons, doesn't matter to me. What does matter, is that we will fight, and we will fight to the death."

"Well, I am sorry that took so long, but, you know, a watched pot never boils."

"Being a millennial feminist means growing up listening to Taylor Swift say she doesn't like to think of the world as boys versus girls."

"That's not what feminism was about."

"How come all the pictures on the wall are selfies?"

"Oh, it smells amazing."

"Where did you get puffer fish venom?"

"I want to be there when she dies."

"That's bliss!"

"Is it nutmeg?"

"I am like a soldier at war. I am killing to stop more killing. It's totally justified."

"But what about moral law?"

"Oh, that would be hard for you?"

"I don't "rage" on Tuesday nights or have competitions about how many girls I can have sex with in one day."

"What I'm trying to say is guys join fraternities to get a sense of structure in their lives. Problem is the structure

they're buying into is antiquated. It's misogynistic and hierarchical and dangerous."

"It's misogynistic and hierarchical and dangerous."

"I don't think I'm in the right headspace right now."

"You're a rare breed, one of the true good guys."

"That's the weirdest explanation for anything I've ever heard."

"We need to think of new ways to kill her!"

"I'm really gonna cherish our time here together."

"Killing is wrong, but, under this circumstance, I don't know what other choice we have."

"Hold on, sluts."

"When I was your age, I was thoughtless about sex."

"If you don't think you're ready, you probably aren't. And if you aren't, well, then no good can come from doing it, anyway."

"The main thing is you have to be perfectly dry. The cryosauna is set to 200 degrees below zero, so any water on your skin freeze instantly."

"How come there hasn't been any screaming?"

"No, we need to get away while we still can."

"Hey, hey, it's enough. The point has been made."

"Why do you want to continue taking this any further?"

"Yes, I feel guilty!"

"Don't you ever call me again."

"I heard about these Buddhist Monks that found a way to meditate, so they can sit outside all night, way, way up in the Himalayas in weather that would kill a normal person, but their core temperature stays totally normal."

"You're thinking of the movie Teen Wolf, you brainless gash, which is not, in fact, a documentary!"

"Uh, Rasputin. He was a mystical Russian peasant who became a close advisor of Tsar Nicholas II because he could magically cure Prince Alexei of his hemophilia."

"Okay, this seems totally not germane to what we're talking about, so can we please just skip ahead?"

"Maybe she has some magical powers that make her unable to die, like some horror movie villain, like Michael Myers, or Jason, or Dr. Giggles."

"So, maybe try on a size zero."

"Okay, I'm not gonna try on the size zero because I won't fit into the size zero."

"This is discrimination!"

"Look at her. Give her something. Give her something to be happy!"

"Come on, what is wrong with these idiots?!"

"Why did you ask me to meet you here? And why are you carrying a bag clearly filled with chains?"

"I thought we could talk about bondage and go for a swim."

"You're all packed up. I thought you were staying until you cracked the case."

"I was just gonna go to the woods and write or something,

like Thoreau, but with WiFi."

"I mean, maybe I could come with you. Might be kind of romantic, you know?"

"I could bring a slow cooker, and we could talk about the case all night over short ribs?"

"Well, I do love short ribs."

"I'll always be able to say that my first was with a great, great, great guy."

"I am a sentient grown woman who has been through

hell the past few weeks, and I'm sitting next to you, now, with open eyes and an open heart, telling you that I want to give myself to you."

[jackoshadows]

Sometimes I think about Jon Snow in the books and I feel sad for all the wasted potential of the show version. List of things Jon does in the books:

-  Jon personally keeps track of wheat, barley and veggies in the stores. Realizes that the situation is dire and

negotiates with the Iron Bank and gets a loan to buy food. He's a shrewd businessman and diplomat. Takes belongings from the Freefolk to buy food. He's pretty ruthless. Plans to build greenhouses in the Gift. An innovative thinker.

-  Jon is able to look past societal strictures - maybe due to his own bastardy and because of how Arya was treated by society.

He Garrisons an entire castle on the wall, Long Barrow, with spearwives. But unlike the show, he also sets women to cook, sew and clean. Hires Satin, a male prostitute as his steward despite opposition. Saves several thousand Wildlings by making the argument that they too belong to the realm.

- Jon Snow likes information

Reads books that Maester Aemon and Sam left behind to understand the threat of the WW. Actually put wights into ice cells as a science experiment to study how they come alive.

- Jon is intelligent

King Stannis seeks him out for advice. Jon plans Stannis' entire Northern campaign - how to attack, where to attack. He also gives Stannis step by step details on how to win over the Mountain clans diplomatically. Jon nullifies the Karstark threat against Starks/Stannis by marrying Alys to the Magnar and simultaneously bringing the FreeFolk into the Northern fold. Jon pretty much outwits Roose by playing the game from the wall.

- Jon the diplomat

Has successfully negotiated with King Stannis, Tycho Nestoris from the Iron Bank, Wildling leader Tormund and mountain clans in the North. The key word being 'Successful'.

- Jon can be ruthless

Plays Janos Slynt into disobedience and takes off his head. Puts Karstark prisoners to freeze in the Ice cells. Separates Gilly from her child using threats to the child's life. Takes the Freefolk children as hostages to ensure good behavior and convinces the mountain clans that he would chop off the heads of children if push comes to shove.

Now, Jon has his flaws - his refusal to reach across the aisle and compromise with the heads of the different departments at the watch, breaking the rules and embroiling the NW in matters of the realm, his disastrous campaign in Hardhome, his isolation from the men, not understanding how bad things were getting and failing to unite the Watch - these were all things that eventually resulted in his downfall. Actions have consequences in the books.

But ultimately Jon was a complex, intelligent, forward thinking character wanting to do his duty by Westeros and at the same conflicted by wanting to save his sister and Winterfell from the Boltons.The human heart in conflict with itself.

And then we get show Jon Snow, whose one defining characteristic - as per D&D - is that he knows nothing. Show Jon needs Sansa's advice for defense, battles, ruling, politics - everything. Because show Jon only knows how to fight.  Are we supposed to appreciate Jon’s diplomatic victory in getting Dany North to help them?  Yeah, no. We are now told that he’s just an idiot in love with a tyrant and smart Sansa has to use her huge brain to save everyone from Dany.

I keep seeing, again and again, essays on how D&D's misogyny trashed the female characters in favor of the male characters. Here's the thing - D&D’s toxic masculinity, misogyny and sexism trashed both the male and female characters. on GOT.  

In order to justify their season 5 Sansa rape plot, they entirely trashed Jon's character to say - Look! We told you there's a reason for the season 5 Sansa plot. She's now smarter than everyone in Westeros because of that plot - even including dialogue for Sansa where she says this.

There's a reason that the only so called 'intelligent' male characters on the show are Tyrion, Sam and fingerless Davos. Because if one is able bodied, the only thing a man is good for is swinging a sword around, not his brains. Women like Dany, Arya and Brienne who lead armies and fight are also not smart. Only feminine women who wield soft power are smart. That's D&D's toxic masculinity.

It's funny how often Jon and Dany are compared in fandom in essays about GOT’s sexism, when D&D themselves compare Dany and Sansa in commentary and interviews.  Look at Sansa crying over ordering LF's execution - is she not compassionate and good? Look at Dany showing no emotion when executing the Tarlys? Is she not bad?  

D&D’s fucked up views means we get Tyrion thinking that Cersei can be redeemed because she's a mother despite blowing up hundreds in the Sept. Tyrion thinking that Dany is a monster who cannot be redeemed because she's not a mother and will never be one. Karsi unable to fight anymore because she sees some dead children. Varys’ argument was not that Jon is a better, stronger leader than Dany . Varys’ argument was that Jon was too weak against strong Dany and that strong Dany was bad.

As someone else mentioned, D&D think they are feminists who are writing about ‘strong female characters’ and the 'upending of the patriarchy' as Lena Headey put it. But their opinions about women are so medieval, sexist and trashy that it basically led to all the characters - male and female - getting some really garbage, terrible writing.  

[hidden-highlands]

Hope you're ready for these Xenoblade asks!! You don't have to answer them all if it's too many. 6, 7, 9, 14, 18, 21, 24, 25, 36, 41!

omg angel thank u for all the questions!! <3

gonna chuck these under a readmore for length

6: Favorite location?

SATORL MARSH AT NIGHT UGH IT IS JUST SO DANG PRETTY ;;u;;

also Agniratha, the sheer gravity and atmosphere of that place was so.... unsettling, but in the best way

7: Least favorite location?

generally? most of the locations on Mechonis; after how diverse each new location on Bionis was, it felt like a bit of a letdown for each new area to have similar aesthetics and enemies. i cannot for the life of me differentiate between Galahad Fortress or Mechonis Field or Central Factory.

specifically? the Ether Mines. i played through that entire stretch of the game in, like, a 6-hour sitting, and kind of burnt myself out a lil towards the end.

9: Favorite part of the story?

gotta be Mechonis Core! even though i expected ~something~ to happen i was in NO WAY prepared for what was to come. the way that it completely flipped everything you thought you knew about the world and the story of the game on its head and just kept delivering sucker punch after sucker punch .... i had to pause the game to scream into a pillow afterwards. 

14: Favorite party member to play as?

Reyn because i like to stare at his muscles

i don’t have an outright favourite i don’t think, but i tend to cycle between Melia, Shulk, and Seven! i like Melia for reasons i’ve mostly listed below, Seven for the damage output of haste + speed shift + sword drones, and Shulk bc he is the main character and also My Son :’)

18: Favorite Arts to use?

i’m a huge fan of all of Melia’s elementals! i love how they add another layer of strategy to the gameplay, and it’s so satisfying taking down otherwise overlevelled / powerful enemies with her DoT attacks :’)

21: Favorite battle quote?

BORN IN A WORLD OF STRIFE!

AGAINST THE ODDS!

WE CHOOSE TO FIGHT!

BLOSSOM DANCE!

bonus points for the way it subtly relates to the overarching theme of the game :’’)

24: Favorite ship? ;)

SHULK / FIORA TO THE DAY I DIE THEY ARE PRECIOUS TOGETHER AND I WILL PROTECT THEM WITH MY LIFE

25: Favorite Heart-to-Heart?

i haven’t unlocked them all yet but oh my GOD the one between Shulk and Seven on the Fallen Arm ????? absolutely MELTED my HEART ??????? i instantly replayed it in the Event Theatre like three times just for the lines “none of it matters as long as i get to be with you. you’ll always be my [redacted]” i am going to CRY i love them so much ;;u;;

36: Least favorite game mechanic?

oh definitely the timed quests, while i love that they reflect the way that the game’s world is changed by the events of the story, i stressed myself tf out trying to complete as many of them as quick as possible bc i didn’t want to look up when they expired and risk spoiling myself but i also didn’t want to lock myself out of them. i definitely burnt myself out a little bit on Bionis’ Leg because of it, and i think i missed a few late-game ones because by that point i was just so tired of timed quests and just wanted to get on with the story lmfao

41: How did you come to know Xenoblade Chronicles?

oooh thank you for asking this one, i think it’s quite a cool story!! i’d just started watching Chuggaaconroy’s LPs back in 2014 when he started his playthrough of Xenoblade Chronicles, and i watched maybe the first episode or two before i realised that, fuck, maybe this was a game i really needed to play through myself. dumb bitch highschool me forgot about the tiny lil detail that i didn’t own a fucking Wii -- but then the 3DS port was announced! so i was like okay, i’ll get the 3DS version. except it was specifically for the New 3DS, and i only had an original -- so i figured i would wait a bit, save up some money, and grab a New 3DS when i went to upgrade my old one. except, so few (new) games were announced for the New 3DS that i couldn’t really justify dropping the ~$300 on an upgrade, and by the time i had the money the Switch was a thing, so i bought one of those instead. second-hand copies of Xenoblade used to be on sale at my local game store aaaall the time, and i cannot count how many times i would stare longingly at that $38 price tag and have to talk myself out of buying it in hopes of ‘”one day”’ having the appropriate system to play it on.

AND THEN. THE DEFINITIVE EDITION WAS ANNOUNCED. the hunch that 16-year-old Cat had was 100% correct; i am so so glad that i listened to it because playing through the game for the first time blind was a really special experience :’)

i have spent, no lie, 6 whole fucking years in anticipation of one day getting to play this game, and it was worth every dang second of the wait.

[iamconstantine]

RWBY V3E5: Never Miss a Beat

* PEEEEENNNNNYYYYYY * OH DIP is Penny on an actual team now?? * You guys know I love this show’s actions scenes but sometimes these characters do backflips for literally no reason

* See, like...This is a problem I’m noticing in a lot of these new female characters. There’s promise for a cool design there but they’re all made from the same model. They change the hair, skin, eye color, clothes, etc. but they all have roughly the same build and face. * Also I can’t tell who this girl is supposed to be but I’m sure it’ll hit me like a sack of bricks later * “Thank you for a wonderful time!” I’m headcanoning that Penny has a bloodthirst streak rn * Penny you can’t glomp people you way like 5000 lbs * I 100% do not have anything against Ciel’s voice at all but I think maybe her VA was a little too close to the mic? There’s a notable difference in her and Ruby/Penny’s audio quality * I’m going to throw my cards in and guess the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, maybe? I can’t immediately think of another character all about time management * “Like Weiss!” “Precisely!” I don’t know whether to be disappointed or amused that Weiss is still Salt Queen * Oh? I just kind of assumed everyone kind of knew at this point, my bad. I guess everyone thinks the multiple swords are her semblance?  * And, like...is it? Is she like Pyrrha? * Missed opportunity for an “I played it off *cut to them totally NOT playing it off*” joke * Awww Penny noooo * Ruby and Penny: *important conversation about Penny’s role with Atlas* Ciel:

* Mm...it was a little short of a minute but I’ll give em credit * FREE-ZER-BURN! FREE-ZER-BURN!

* I have no idea when I got it into my head that Yang was like...EXTREMELY taller than everyone else and dwarfed Ruby and Weiss. (Unless Weiss is wearing heels) * “I think we can expect strict, militant fighters with advanced technology and carefully rehearsed strategy!”

* Weiss stop you’re walking into a trap stop feeding him * see, sometimes I’m conflicted about holding Weiss accountable for the Schnee Dust Company. Blake I feel was justified since Weiss was talking very proudly about how great it was despite its business practices, but in this case, I’m not so sure. Weiss wasn’t even gloating and he’s pulling the “You’re related to the person who wronged me” card * “Why don’t YOU? That’s what you sound like!” Wow! I hate her! * jowejowauehp I love how instead of Yang being angry she’s like “wh...huh?” * “where’d you get your hair extensions?” asks the girl that probably uses melted skittle juice to dye her hair * “...Top heavy.”  * First of all:

* Second of all: Tops, by definition, cannot be top-heavy

* tfw you thuoght you were about to face some serious military-grade opponents but one’s just a smooth jazz player with a vendetta against your dad and the other is a :3 kawaii lol so random rawr girl who insults your teammate’s boobs out of nowhere  * I figured the attack was going to be a sonic jazz blast * *INTENSE CARELESS WHISPER* * I wish the sound was like...actual music playing, at least. I know it’s supposed to be bad but like...my ears are bleeding.

* I’m very incredibly sorry to anyone that disagrees and/or loves Weiss but this is so far the dumbest, most humiliating way I’ve seen someone get hit in a match so far and I saw a girl break her ass on a skateboard * Sometimes the rainbow effect is fine but other times it’s not doing so great * Actual scene: high-action, gunfire, explosions The music:

* I can’t believe Yang might be beaten by Nyan Cat Beams * “Look! Now you’re bottom heavy too!” She always has been.

* don’t like that * The record scratch I’m love * Ngl I love that music transition into that sort of jazzy quartet style now that the fight is back on Weiss and Blow Job * “Too bad all that money can’t buy you skill!” Too bad having it be your only weapon on the battlefield can’t let you play the trumpet good for shit * There you go Weiss!

* I keep forgetting Oobleck actually has eyes and is kind of a bishounen behind them * Can’t believe that of all the things these people see on a regular basis it’s a guy becoming a rainbow quartet that gets the HUH???? reactions * “You are kind of pretty when you’re angry!” Okay now I’m just convinced this girl is thirsty and is flirting with Yang. * “I wasn’t saying you SHOULD go on a diet! I was saying you NEED to go on a diet!” Ooooor she’s just jealous that Yang has All That Going on For Her while rainbow girl has All...That Going on For Her

* Listen I don’t want to be a nitpicky butthole but didn’t these two just teleport over here just so he could see them? * Yang just go super saiyan already! She’s clearly maxed out your anger points. * There’s no doubt in my mind that people probably really love this rainbow girl but I spent my school years with like 4 “lol im so cewl and quirky im going 2 insult u all coy but then just straight up say wat i mean lolololol uwu” girls and she’s reminding me of every one of them * oh my fucking god she fucking dead * I am really, genuinely confused. Where did Weiss go???

* don’t like that * “Don’t worry about her! She’s easy!” Nah you just wish she was you thirsty bubblegum pop wannabe.

* YANG YANG YANG YANG YANG!! * GO FOR HER ROLLERSKATES! * Man Yang really did pull the cartoony “hold one end of the gun so it fires out the other thing” huh * Which reminds me I don’t think either of these characters had guns for weapons!

* OH MY FUCKING GOD SHE FUCKING DEAD

* Oh Weiss is there still * My heart being warmed by team FNKI actually being sportsmanlike and complimenting Yang and Weiss and Neon asking to hang out later is really confusing my body’s visceral response to Neon in general * oof. ouch. Okay. I’m sorry. But when Ruby and Blake are running to Weiss and Yang they just...shrink.

* Like it isn’t just me right? * Can I just go one damn episode without seeing the three stooges please * “What does that mean?” Mercury I hate you from the bottom of my heart but thanks at least for not just taking the whole ~mysterious evil line~ at face value * ...which is then followed by another ~mysterious evil line~ * Also, side note:

IF ANY ONE OF THESE STUPID KINDERGARTEN IDIOTS WHO OUGHT TO BE COVERED IN BAND AIDS FROM HOW MUCH THEY CUT THEMSELVES ON THEIR OWN EDGE GOES ANYWHERE NEAR PENNY I WILL TEAR OFF THEIR SINGLE PERSONALITY TRAITS WITH MY BARE HANDS

* “His heart is in the right place” Get it? Because he’s the Tin Man. Get it? Get it? Ge * “Sometimes I’m not even sure he has a heart.” GeT it? Get i T? Gte ti? ge t  i ? t * “Ever since the day I met her, I had a feeling she would be the one” I am in fifty different states of confusion and anxiety right now * oh dear oh dear oh Pyrrha my dear what are you about to get into? * So as of right now I’m pretty okay with how they’re approaching the tournament arc. I was concerned it was going to grind to a halt and no plot development would happen but it seems that they’re at least taking 2-3 episode breaks to do that and even then, episodes that focus on the tournament do get at least some progression

[tally-kiza]

Underswap Headcanons

So, I tried to detail my version of Underswap that still kept all the major events and characters’ personalities,,, and uh, this happened. 

- Pap meets the human, Chara, outside the door, he does the handshake introduction, Blue finds them, ya know the usual stuff. But instead of Pap being the one to follow the human around and make jokes like UT Sans normally does, Blue does all that instead in addition to showing them his puzzles. During the introduction phase, Papyrus is mostly found next to the puzzles until he mentions going to Muffets’, where he stays until Blue’s fight at the end of Snowdin.

- During Blue’s fight, Papyrus always intervenes in some way. 

If it’s genocide or if Chara just tries to kill Blue, Papyrus enters the fight, takes the hit and dies. Blue is visibly horrified, the fight ends, and Blue disappears until he fights the human in the judgement hall.

If it’s pacifist (or only a few monsters have died), Papyrus will interject in Blue’s fight with puns and they have a pun-off in between turns. At this point, Chara has to option to interact with him, specifically the option to flirt. If/When they do, Blue attempts to matchmake and set up a ‘date’ between them and Paps, to his brothers chagrin. The fight ends with Blue pacified, and Papyrus says he’ll wait outside the house until Chara comes to initiate the ‘date’ (then he does the air-stair-walk thing UT Paps does). Blue then moves on to his sentry station in waterfall where UT Sans usually is.

- The date with Pap with pretty similarly to canon Undertale. He uses the dating manual “that his brother totally gave him and he definitely didn’t get on his own nope no sir”. And he says most of the lines UT Pap says (just lazily and flustered cuz he’s ver unused to dating) until he ultimately rejects the human. (BTW, his dating outfit is just booty shorts and a tank-top under his sweater that says “nap king”.)

- At Blue’s waterfall sentry, he offers Chara to hang out at Grillby’s (which they don’t officially get to again until Hotland). He’ll talk about his brother first off and waxes poetic on how cool he is. Then Blue’ll ask about Temmie and if Chara’s seen any “unusual talking animal plushies...” Shortly after, he’ll brush it off, pretend like it’s nothing, and send the kid off on their merry way again.

- Later in waterfall, Chara will encounter Flowey Village. If you call Papyrus in this room, he’ll talk about how much he likes how complimentary and nice the Floweys are to him. Pap is pretty much the only person who likes the Floweys. The Floweys will all talk like UT Temmies and act like all nice and :P UT Flowey was when you first met him. Except for Bob. Bob is mean and has Flowey’s Creepy Face (tm).

- Chara arrives at where UT Undyne’s house would be, but it’s blocked off somehow and they can’t see what’s beyond the blockade. From there, they can have the ‘date’ with Hapstablook next door, and continue on. 

- Alphys the Fearless (or Almighty or Alpha, I see a lot of versions of her name, but personally I like Fearless) occasionally encounters Chara same as canon. She escorts US Asriel back to his parents after Chara saves him. The battle starts on the same ledge as canon, when Chara makes it to Hotland--where Pap is napping in Sans’s sentry station--Alphys trips and falls, Chara helps her up, and afterwards Alphys stalks away back to Undyne’s house Waterfall.

- A few seconds after Alphys exits, a rumbling sound is heard, signifying Alph removing the blockage. If Chara goes back to the blockage site, theyll find Undynes House but they won’t meet her and can’t get into her house. They do however find a shortcut right next to the house from there to the lab in Hotland. In the lab, the human finally meets Undyne who does pretty much all the same things that UT Alphys does, just with that typical Undyne bravado. There is an upstairs to the lab but it’s mostly bookshelves and anime sword displays. Undyne already has a house and doesn’t need to live in the lab.

- Eventually, after moving on and navigating the Hotland puzzles, Chara finds Alphys’s house (which Blue is standing in front of) and intiates the date (where Alph discusses why Blue isn’t in the guard). Most of her house is covered in axes and anime memorabilia. If you examine the latter, she’ll launch into an examination of the anime before cutting off and telling you not to snoop in people’s things!!  After the date, she hangs out in Snowdin with Sans and Papyrus.

- When Chara gets to NTT Resort, they can find Bratty and Catty’s counterparts behind the resort: 01 and 02-- the UT Hotland Royal guards. The human has the option to solve the dispute between them and NiceCreamPants inside the resort.

- Then the human meets Papyrus outside the resort, who takes them inside on the date. He tells them about talking to Asgore behind the door, how he promised to watch over them, that they could just stay underground. After all, they’ve got good food, good laughs, good friends... He doesn’t threaten them about being dead where they stand-- in true Papyrus fashion, he trusts Chara enough to not be dangerous--  so he just talks to them, tells them he believes in them, and then the date is over and air-stair-walks away again...

- After this you cannot call Papyrus (as you have had the option to since after his date), Sans will answer your call instead and say that his bro is off boondoggling somewhere. You can now converse with Sans in any room of the game. Papyrus will probably not be seen again until the Judgement Hall...

- Chara fights DJ Napstaton. The human can buy the key to their house from 01 and 02 behind NTT Resort. The inside of their home is just as empty and vaguely abandoned as classic Napstablook’s.

- The castle’s throne room is filled with dead flowers that the queen didn’t know how to care for. When the Toriel fights the human, she justifies it saying it’s for the good of her kingdom, though it’s clear she doesn’t want to fight. When Toriel spares them, calling Chara ‘my child’, Temmie kills her. 

- The Omega Temmie fight happens, and the rest proceeds the same as Undertale just with the swapped characters. Then Chara fights Monster Kid Dreemurr, God of Hyperdeath (who I named Torigor--a fusion of Toriel/Asgore like Asriel’s name--because they need an actual name).

- Exposition time! 

Toriel and Asgore adopted baby MK (and named them Torigor) shortly before having Asriel. Six or so years later, the goat parents adopted the fallen human Frisk. Frisk later convinced MK to absorb their soul (Asriel really didn’t want this to happen but kept the secret anyway). 

After MK came back from the surface with Frisk’s body and died, Asriel was so grieved and horrified that he ran away. Consequentially, Toriel and Asgore thought Azzy died as well. Toriel was furious at the humans, declared war, when Asgore suggested otherwise, she kicked him out.

Asgore wandered to the ruins while Asriel had settled down in Snowdin, taking the pseudonym ‘Monster Kid’. (Neither of them realized they passed by each other in Snowdin on Asgore’s trek though.)

- 100 years later, Chara fell. If they chose genocide or neutral, everyone’s sad and dead. If they chose pacifist, they’ll later live with Asriel and goat dad and everyone will be happy.

[mislavthehunter]

The Garrison, morning after the storm

As morning finally came around and the storm stilled, Mislav was pretty sure he might have dozed off now and then, enough to be startled awake when Gwynleve stretched lazily next to him. They must have shifted position during the night, as Gwynleve's side was pressed up against Mislav's back.

“It seems the storm has passed,” Gwynleve yawned, his voice thick with sleep, and Mislav tensed when he felt warm breath on his neck. Gwynleve had turned his head to face him. “I took the liberty to have a horse prepared for you. She is closing in on retirement age in the army, but she is sturdy and strong and will help you carry the order back for you when it is ready. I'll withdraw the sum from your payment, it will not be substantial.”

“Thank you?”

“I figured that if you wish to go south, a good horse would be of great help to you.”

Mislav nodded stiffly. It would be a great help. He stayed very still as Gwynleve got up, climbed over him and sat on the edge of the bed to pull his boots on. He looked up as Gwynleve's hand touched his shoulder.

“Do not worry,” Gwynleve said, the determination clear in his voice. “Soon you will be free of these lands and the burdens you carry. Nilfgaard might demand much, we might leave nothing but ashes while at war, but we do not stand idly by and watch what I have come to understand is blatant abuse of the subjects who are under our protection.”

The two fell silent, and Gwynleve nodded greetings at his quartermaster who had realised he had over-slept and was now panicking, the assistant had left while they slept, and the two guards had been the ones to wake them up as they tried being quiet about donning half their weight in metal. They watched as the quartermaster ran out of the tent, screaming for his assistant and trying to pull his clothes on properly.

“Now that we are alone, I have a proposition,” Gwynleve said, folding his hands and resting them on his knees, ignoring how Mislav stopped breathing. He was not looking at Mislav, just staring straight ahead into the tent-wall. “You have filled our storage well, Mislav. You probably run into the same problem with the village, leathers and furs last, and there is a limit to how much I can justify purchasing. The income will lessen over time.”

“I know,” Mislav said, and tried to move, but Gwynleve was sitting on the bear fur and more or less trapped him inside it. “It's fine. I know how it works.”

“I would still like to help,” Gwynleve said. “I know what you have of value is in the leathers and hides you provide, but you have something else I might be interested in.”

Mislav's head bumped against the headboard as Gwynleve turned and looked down at him. He had been trying to get out from under the furs without jostling the commander.

“You can give me some of your time and company,” he said, smiling gently as Mislav rubbed the top of his head. “Twelve hours, and I'll buy you free from your contract.”

Apparently everything Mislav was thinking could be read plainly on his face, the full range from horror and straight through to blind fear. Gwynleve turned, got off the bed and sat on his haunches beside it so he and Mislav were on the same level.

“Mislav, I hope you know by now that I am not a cruel man, I would never enjoy causing you pain or humiliation. The only reason I do this is that I cannot stand seeing a man living on a slave contract, and you have precious little else to bargain with,” Gwynleve said quietly. “You are fully entitled to say no. I'll let you walk out of here, and we will never speak of it again. We can keep up the current arrangements.”

“I'll owe you, instead,” Mislav said, after clearing his throat a few times. He wrestled himself free of the furs and sat up, un-sticking his shirt from his back. “I know how debts work.”

“No, you will have provided me with company, that would be a proper trade,” Gwynleve said patiently, slowly as if he was talking to a simple person. “Twelve hours of your time is all I ask, and we sever all bonds when you leave. You will be free to go wherever you wish, with the blessing of myself and Nilfgaard. I will provide you with a letter of free passage to any city, and a certificate of identity so you can, for example, get a bank account to store your money instead of leaving it in a garrison. No, I will not be able to take any of it away from you. They will be yours by law.”

Mislav stared at the ground between Gwynleve's feet until his vision started swimming. He could leave White Orchard soon. Perhaps in a few days, if Gwynleve was agreeable. Pack what little he had, pay his debt, and ride off before they could protest. He had calculated maybe two years, if Nilfgaard did not tire of furs. Three, if he had to rely on merchants again.

One night, and he could be free.

“You can back out whenever you wish,” Gwynleve said. “I am not an unreasonable man. If you get even the slightest uncomfortable, say so, and this entire thing will be forgotten.”

“And if they come asking from the village?”

“I will tell them the truth. You provided for Nilfgaard, we paid you, and you gained enough crowns to find your freedom. I will help with the contract, if it is witnessed by me, they cannot claim it falsified or that you did not pay your due.”

Mislav swallowed bile, trying to wrap his mind around it. Twelve hours, and he would be a proper person again. The thought kept spinning around in his mind like a leaf caught in a whirlpool.

“I will let you think about it in peace for a while, I will be inspecting the keep,” Gwynleve said as he put his cape on and strapped on his sword-belt.

When the commander returned half an hour later, it was to find Mislav in the exact same position he had been left in. Mislav had not been able to get his mind working at all towards the problem at hand, his thoughts had been circling the idea that he could be riding wherever he wanted, free of debt and villagers and history, on his own horse and with the good will of a Nilfgaardian commander at his back if he did this right.

Gwynleve just smiled, held the tent flap back, and waited for Mislav to get dressed and join him outside.

“I will not make you decide today,” Gwynleve said, as he and Mislav walked down from the keep to the east gate and the livery stable where Mislav had put his horse up for food, water and a bit of rest through the storm. “Go home and think about it, and if you decide to accept my proposal, bring the contract with you so I may have a look at it. For all we know there could be a clause in it that you have missed. In that case, we will need some lawyers.”

“I'll be back soon enough with the things you need,” Mislav said, deciding to ignore the whole selling his time for freedom idea for now as a stable boy brought his horse out and held the reins, waiting for him to mount her. “What you want on this list is common enough, I'll bring the oil you need to make the cloaks waterproof as well, there will be more storm soon.”

“We would appreciate that,” Gwynleve said as he stepped back, his uniform shining in the morning sun. “Think about my proposal, Mislav. Nilfgaardians keep to their word.”

[bisexualamy]

Nadiya, Lup, Here There Be Gerblins, Petals to the Metal, Lenny, Tres Horny Boys, Lunar Interlude, and of course, Remmy

Yes yes yes thank you!

Nadiya: Be proud – talk about something you’re good at.

I have to put in the obligatory goofy one of, at this point, I can pretty much identify every font that comes with default Microsoft Word (2007 and back, I stopped using Word during high school and don’t own it) on sight, plus some extras that aren’t in the defaults but I use a lot in design projects.

The not goofy one is I’m very good at just... articulating myself I think is the best way to put it. It used to just come out in the fact that I’m a good writer, and I’m trying to own that more because I used to own it when I was younger and then decided I shouldn’t be so public about it because it came off as arrogant. But now it’s also coming out in the fact that like, I’m a surprisingly confident public speaker for someone who can be very insecure, and I’ve had a lot of people tell me that I have good emotional intelligence, which is a very high compliment to me. I’ve always been good at sort of, identifying what I’m feeling and explaining it to myself, but only recently have I been able to put those feelings into words and explanations that other people can understand too.

Lup: You are so loved and love in return – gush about at least one sibling, friend, or partner.

I’m so fucking grateful for the fact that I have a bunch of friends now that really just love me unconditionally. I’ve talked about it a few times on this blog but I was also talking about it with my parents now that I’m home, of how I had a very rough freshman year of college and my close friends would’ve been totally justified in taking a step back from me and didn’t. Like, the majority of those people don’t use tumblr, and the ones that do know who they are and I don’t feel super comfortable @ing them.

I don’t mean this in a way of like “you should stick by your friends no matter what” because I think it’s very important to recognize when you, personally, need to take care of yourself and stop prioritizing other people above yourself. I think it takes a specific kind of person to compartmentalize other people’s emotions away from your own life experiences, and know when to step in and when to say no, and I’m super grateful that I have a core group of people that were able to do that with me freshman year. I don’t know if I would be as healthy as I am now without having those wonderful people in my life.

Here There Be Gerblins: Embrace nostalgia – what was your first encounter with a loved one?

I hate flirting specifically because I cannot pick up on the subtly that’s intrinsic to it, and I would really much rather people just come up to me and be like “I like you; let’s date” because I feel like it saves a lot of time and emotional distress. And people don’t believe me when I say this because I’m very good at reading people, but for some reason flirting specifically is a blind spot for me. My point is that when they don’t believe me I always tell the story of how I started dating one of my best friends from high school. This isn’t technically a first encounter but it is sort of, the start of a relationship, and it’s really cute so I’m gonna tell it anyway.

He’s a year above me and we were very close friends throughout the two years we knew each other before he graduated, and then when we went to college and I was a senior we still kept in close contact. And my mom kept telling me he was flirting with me (he at one point made me a sword for a cosplay I never ended up finishing, just because he “wanted a project” and he had a wood shop in his basement) but I didn’t buy it because I assumed he’d just say something.

Anyway May of my senior year of high school he came back after his freshman year and we were hanging out a bunch and over at a mutual friend’s house and cuddling on the couch and I promise you, my internal monologue was “wow isn’t it incredible that two bi/pan guys can just be gay with each other on a couch in a platonic way” because I’m fucking clueless. And he walked me to my car when we went to leave and gave me a hug, and this was still my internal monologue up until he kissed my forehead and I went “.......wait a second. Is that platonic?” Because again, I’m so so so bad at picking up on this shit.

It got brought up like five days later and we ended up dating for a few months but after I was in college for a bit I realized I don’t like long distance relationships and we had a super civil breakup. We still talk somewhat regularly and I consider us good friends still. He knows this story and he finds it hilarious because I’ve always been very very bad at picking up on flirting, which is what finally just led to him being more direct. Case and point: I found out like, literally a few months ago that not only was he flirting with me that summer, but he was into me for at least a year before that. The sword was flirting (I know, shocking). My mom was right.

Petals to the Metal: Sometimes we need to let loose – when have you done something you shouldn’t have because it made you happy?

Unhealthy coping mechanisms that I’ve kicked or am trying to kick don’t really have a place in a thread about positivity, so instead I’m gonna go really stereotypical Art Student™. I love trespassing in places to take photographs. I’ve never like, gone to a place that I REALLY shouldn’t have been, but I have wandered around some abandoned places that were totally intended to be locked or off limits. 

Photography makes me really happy, even the process of editing the photos in post-production is very calming for me, so I try to do it when I can. Probably the most dangerous place I’ve ever done this is on live train tracks? Live in the sense that like, trains run up and down them on the daily (they’re not electrified) and I still walk along/on them, because I figured that if a train was coming I’d hear it. I, no joke, am doing this again in two days, and scheduled a photoshoot with someone on these train tracks, because the aesthetic is really nice (especially in the snow) and I’ve done it twice before, so maybe I’m a little cocky. My sister mentioned to me that I should check the train schedule and coordinate around it this time, which honestly, I probably should.

Lenny: “You may remember, you subscribed to the cylinder of the month club” – what is something you are well-known (or notorious) for?

The fonts thing definitely. I regularly get messages from people asking me to identify fonts for them. Also I say some really ridiculous things occasionally that I’ve not yet lived down. I’m not going to revive them by repeating them here. ALSO “what is Ren short for” is a game that has continued past my legal name change and will probably continue into infinity. Answers are getting increasingly creative, though Renjamin is definitely the most popular and has evolved into something people actually, regularly address me as.

Tres Horny Boys: “Nobody ever say that out loud ever again please” – what is your worst nickname?

Someone once realized that you can make a Ronald Regan pun off of “what is Ren short for” and it didn’t last because all my friends are Gays™ but that’s gotta be the worst answer to this game.

Lunar Interlude: “I hand Leon the token” – how do you make your friends laugh?

So for the longest time I was convinced I was just Not Funny At All until I started doing improv my junior year of high school and was (to me, shockingly) good at it, and then I realized it was more of a lack of confidence than anything else. This is going to sound really stilted and empirical, but doing improv off and on for a few years and performing in front of lots of different kinds of people and audiences has made me really aware of the techniques people use to make people laugh, and has given me a sort of “shorthand” for how to, in most cases, land a joke. This is not a discovery on my part: there are 100s of podcasts and books on this stuff (I literally just finished a design project on this), but it’s a lot easier for me to understand something if I’ve experienced it.

Inside jokes are always a way that my friends and I laugh with each other, but beyond that, the golden rule for me is that specificity always gets a laugh above a general statement. If your funny comment is really tailored to your audience or in general just contains a super specific detail (3.5 minutes versus a few minutes) people find it funnier. I haven’t quite figured out why yet, though. Honestly though, I’m friends with a ton of creative people, and the times we laugh the most is just when we banter in the same space together without shooting each other down. I’m trying my best to stop shooting down comments people make, no matter how ridiculous, as long as I’m not uncomfortable. Jokes tend to build on each other and so if you’re in a supportive, funny environment, things just get funnier.

Remmy: Love is a motivator – who do you want to make proud?

It might sound like a cop out but myself. I used to really hate that concept, but I’ve been recently finding a lot of power in self-improvement. I try really hard to incorporate mindfullness and reflection into my life, and recognizing that I’m in a better place (academically, socially, emotionally, etc) then where I was in the past makes me feel really content.

Like, obviously I like when people appreciate the work I do, and the support of my friends and family is very important to me, but I try not to specifically improve to make others proud of me. The person I’m guaranteed to spend my entire life with is myself, so I should make sure I’m proud of myself first.

[ciathyzareposts]

The Black Gate: Of Valor and Virginity

Surreptitiously awarding the Rune of Valor to Kliftin of Jhelom.

            The more Gideon thinks about it, the more he doesn’t really like having a death-dealing demon bound up in his sword. The question is what to do about it. Ideally, there would be some magic ritual that would simultaneously release the demon and send it to another plane, but I don’t know how to do that, and Erethian–the person who bound the demon in the first place–is dead. I can’t drop it in the deepest part of the ocean (which, let’s face it, is only about 20 feet deep) because the interface doesn’t let you drop things over water. I’ll assume that for similar reasons, I can’t drop it in a volcano–if I can even find one. No spells destroy it. 

      I think about trying to ruin it in the forge, and it’s in trying to put it on the hearth that I discover something unpleasant: I can’t even remove it from my inventory. If I lay it town somewhere, it just leaps back into my hand the moment I close my inventory screen. This also means I can’t try Plan F, which is to destroy it with Rudyom’s wand. (Rudyom’s wand doesn’t work on it anyway, even if I try it with the sword still in my hands.) I can temporarily stow the sword in a container, like my backpack, but if I then set down the backpack, the sword jumps back into my hands again. If I’ve already replaced the sword in my hands, it jumps into whatever container I’m carrying in place of the backpack, If I’m not carrying any container, it tosses whatever I’m carrying to the ground and puts itself in my hands. It will not be parted from me.             

You cannot unforge what has been forged.

              The best I can do for now is commit to not using it, which means taking Magebane back from Jaana and giving her her old regular sword again. I don’t need a sentient sword influencing my thoughts and actions, and that little confrontation with Dracothraxus was a bit too uncomfortable for me to trust that the sword isn’t doing either. Maybe I’ll figure out some other options along the way.     Before heading for Jhelom, the party returns briefly to Britain and cashes in nuggets and gems for gold. I spend nearly all my gold on new spells and reagents from Nystul. Now that the Avatar is maxed out in intelligence and magic, I want to get more out of my spells than usual, and I vow to find a reason to cast every spell and discuss them as I do. Before I get into this, it’s important to remember that spells in Ultima VII come in nine levels: eight regular levels plus a set of 8 Level 0 “cantrips” that you can cast indefinitely. Except for cantrips, each spell requires an expenditure of mana equal to their level plus the associated reagents. The syllables from Ultima V still exist, theoretically, but the player no longer has to know them. The spellcaster just speaks them automatically.         We get to Jhelom by heading south to Trinsic and then west across the lower continent and then across the channel. I’m doing this from memory, so I’m happy when we see roads and houses on the first island we encounter. We land near the dock, which worryingly has cannons pointed outward, as if expecting hostile ships to arrive. It occurs to me that cannons in this game can be moved but not turned, which is odd for a game that allows so much interactivity otherwise. It amuses me that Britannians, when they go to buy cannons, have to specify whether they want an east-facing cannon or north-facing cannon or whatever.          

If the invasion comes from an oblique angle, they’re screwed no matter what.

          We arrive at midnight, which I assume is going to give me a chance to use my first spell, “Awaken,” on a sleeping NPC. Oddly, although the first building we come to–city hall–has a double bed, there’s no one in it. There is, however, someone in bed in the hut across the way.

          Awaken – AN ZU (“Negate Sleep”), Level 0 cantrip. A relatively useful spell that wakes up a sleeper. It doesn’t have to be a magic slumber: it awakens normal sleepers, too, and is the most reliable way of doing so. Unlike in Ultima VI, regular sleepers in VII will sometimes awaken if you just make a ruckus around their bedrooms, but it’s faster to cast the cantrip. I’m sure I’ve used it more times to wake up NPCs in the middle of the night so I could talk to them than I have on characters put magically to sleep.

    Maybe the joke is there is no such cantrip, and the person really awakens from some idiot yelling “AN ZU!” in his room.

          The sleeper turns out to be Master de Snel, head of the Library of Scars fighting school. (The name is a clear play on producer Dallas Snell.) He’s also a trainer. Some experimentation shows that he only raises combat, not the associated attributes, so I think Inforlem is a better deal. (de Snel gives +2 combat for 2 points; Inforlem gives +2 combat, +1 strength, and +1 dexterity for 3 points). I try to have Gideon train with him anyway, but he remarks that Gideon is already his superior in skill. I guess the Avatar just isn’t going to be able to spend those skill points. His statement that Jhelom is “devoted to the art of combat–not mere slavish military discipline, but pure violent confrontation” strikes me as a bit ominous. Jhelom used to be devoted to valor.     Back at city hall, the mayor, Joseph, has appeared, and he wakes up before I’m able to use the spell. He characterizes Jhelom as a rough place, and he’s called upon to maintain order with his sword as often as his pen. He says that fighters gather in the town square to duel every day, but then clarifies that they mostly use training dummies. It’s more like a mass workout than a battle. There are sometimes matches “to the blood,” though, and people bet on them. So far, Joseph is beating Jheolm in the contest for the Rune of Valor, but I’m not sure I like this place.            

Is that because of its nature or because of people like you?

        We take the opportunity to explore the empty Library of Scars. In addition to practice rooms, it has an actual library, which disappointingly has a “Britannian Purity League” flyer in a prominent place. The “Books of Britannia” entry is updated with The Accedens of Armoury. To make it easier to see, I cast the “Glimmer” spell, which I honestly forgot existed until I started reviewing the spells. I would have used it earlier in some of the dungeons.            

Glimmer – IN BET LOR (“Create Small Light”), Level 0 cantrip. Creates a low-level light for a short duration–just long enough to check out a room. Still better than adventuring in the dark. Useful when you don’t want to waste reagents or spell points on “Light” or “Great Light.”

            De Snel made me suspicious enough that I confess I swiped a key I found in his house. I justify it by saying I’ve been generally charged by Lord British with investigating what’s wrong with Britannia, and I need a wide mandate to do that. The key opens a locked office in the Library of Scars which has a couple of chests. One has The Book of the Fellowship and a serpentine dagger. The other has three gold bars and a Fellowship medallion. A parrot in the corner says “I know where the treasure is” in between “Polly wanna cracker” and “pretty bird.” But I can’t make it say anything else, even when I try to give it some fish and chips.         At this point, it becomes weird to rouse people from their beds, so I set up my bedroll and get a few hours of sleep. I still don’t know what the rest of the party does while I use the only bedroll. When I wake up, it’s raining and thundering, which gives me a chance to use another cantrip.         

Weather – REL HUR (“Change Wind”), Level 0 cantrip. Makes it stormy if it’s sunny and vice versa. Not very “useful,” but it’s actually kind of unpleasant to adventure when it’s raining, so I use it just for aesthetic purposes. There are lots of other games that I’ve wished had this option, particularly the two Assassin’s Creed games where a storm seems to magically appear every time you engage in a sea battle. Note that the original spell of this title in Ultima V was necessary for sailing the direction that you want to go.

       Kliftin, an ex-soldier, runs the town’s armory, but for some reason the armory also has a spinning wheel and loom, and I catch Kliftin operating the loom as I enter. He claims to have “seen [his] share of death and destruction,” which reminds me that the book talks about strife between regional leaders, but you really never have any sense of where these supposed wars happened. Britannia’s not that big of a place, and Lord British seems to keep it pretty orderly. Unnamed wars and campaigns simply don’t fit with the landscape. He’s a little less charitable in his views of the town’s duels, which he says are often fought to the death. He’s worried about Sprellic, the mild-mannered innkeeper, who stole the Honor Flag from the wall of the Library of Scars and has refused to return it. (I would have stolen it, too; it’s supposed to be the Valor flag. Doesn’t this town know its own history?) He’s therefore going to face three fighters from the Library in a duel to the death. He suggests I ask more at the pub. He sells equipment, but I need to save my money for spells and training, and I’m already doing a fine job finding equipment upgrades.         We cross a bridge to the west side of Jhelom, where we find nothing in a few houses. Then we find Sprellic hiding in his own house, where he begs Gideon not to hurt him “this time.” He calms down as we talk and explains that he arrived from Minoc a few years ago to buy the Bunk and Stool pub. He employs two barmaids who together keep the unruly fighters under control through charm (Ophelia) or physical violence (Daphne). Recently, a stranger came to the tavern claiming to be the Avatar. A member of the Fellowship, the man consumed conspicuously then went to bed. Not long afterwards, he complained that it was too cold, and he kept complaining even after he had every blanket in the inn. In desperation, Sprellic went running around town and found an “old tapestry” hanging on a wall, so he took it, not knowing he was taking the standard of the Library of Scars. In the morning, the “Avatar” was gone, with the tapestry, and without paying his bill. Later, three members of the Library of Scars–Syria, Vokes, and Timmons challenged him to duels to the death. Before I’ve left his house, I’ve agreed to serve as his champion.             

This is a bad sign.

           The last place to visit in town, believe it or not, is the Bunk and Stool. Right in the front door, we run into Syria, an olive-skinned “fighter from the south”–gods know what that means in the confusing geography of Britannia. It’s clear that Sprellic would have a crush on her if she didn’t terrify him. She got 10 lashes for allowing Sprellic to escape with the flag, so she’s determined to make him pay. I soon meet Vokes and Timmons, and they are similarly intractable when it comes to the subject. They refuse to believe it’s a misunderstanding, or to show any mercy to someone who clearly isn’t a fighter. Timmons isn’t even a member of the Library of Scars yet, but de Snel won’t let him join until he defeats someone who has challenged the school. I had started this quest by thinking that it’s solution would be finding the stolen banner, but now I’m thinking that these three deserve a good thrashing.      Dupre is next. He’s his usual self, recently knighted, in the midst of “conducting a survey of all the drinking establishments in Britannia.” He confirms that Jhelom has gotten a lot more “bloodthirsty” and he summarizes what’s happening with Sprellic. I have him join the party, of course, determined to kick out Sentri if things get unwieldy. Dupre comes with chain armor, a sword, a shield, and a mug of beer.          

To be fair, that’s what most RPGs are about.

            It’s 11:50 at this point, and the duel is supposed to be at noon, so I have just enough time to talk to the barmaids before I have to head out. They’re taking bets on the duel, so I bet 100 gold pieces on myself–well, technically Sprellic, but I hope it will pay regardless. Daphne is heavy and unattractive and vocally resents Ophelia. Ophelia is both a bit mean, egging on Daphne, and bit daft, claiming that Sprellic is the Avatar in secret and will easily defeat the three fighters before opening his own fighting school.         

Remember this quote.

           The dueling grounds are back on the first island, so we head there. I soon find that there’s no good way to fight the three members of the Library of Scars solo. Going into combat mode engages everyone in the duel, which isn’t as unfair as it sounds because all three of the Library fighters jump in together instead of individually. There’s no way to tell my party to exercise restraint, so we actually kill all of them. De Snel is happy about the outcome and invites me to join the Library of Scars. Ophelia gives me 1,000 gold for the outcome (Sprellic was poorly favored by the odds). Later, it occurs me that there is a way to get the party not to fight–set them all to “retreat”–but slaughter seems like the wrong way to go about it. I try just knocking them out or putting them to sleep, but it just delays the inevitable end of the duel. They did insist it was “to the death,” after all.           

Technically, your buildings are both on the north side of the street.

         Reloading, I try some other options. De Snel has nothing useful to say about the upcoming duel. Joseph, for all his claims that he often intervenes, refuses to do anything about this case. He claims that he and de Snel have an understanding and that if he upsets that, de Snel is likely to assassinate him and take over the town completely. It’s Kliftin who has the answer. First, he figures that the false Avatar is Sullivan the Trickster, known to do this sort of thing. Second, he comes up with the solution: he can just weave a new Honor Flag. It will fool the fighters long enough to call off the duel, and if they ever do figure out it’s a counterfeit, they won’t be able to say so without looking foolish. Plus, they’d have to challenge Kliftin in that case, who’s a lot tougher to beat. It’s going to mean that I miss the appointed duel time, but I rationalize (correctly) that this game doesn’t have any way of telling today’s noon from tomorrow’s noon.     While we wait, we explore the rest of the island. Outside of town to the west is a cave, where we’re attacked by a single nameless fighter the moment we enter. The cave has a crate with a triple crossbow–supposedly a devastating weapon that costs a ton if you try to buy it in Iolo’s shop. I hate micromanaging ammunition, though, so I don’t bother with it.      A cave system south of town is much more extensive, so much that I’m surprised it’s not a named dungeon. We fight some bats and gremlins as we enter; I’m still not sure why gremlins turn into food in this game. We soon come across a trap that generates a field of fire across the floor. I think this might be a good opportunity for a spell, but it turns out I’m wrong.        

Douse – AN FLAM (“Negate Flame”), Level 0 cantrip. Supposedly douses flames, but doesn’t work on any flame that you’d really want doused, like ones blocking your passage in corridors. Only works on things like torches and campfires that you could douse by double-clicking on them. At least it doesn’t cost anything, which is more than I can say for Great Douse, or VAS AN FLAM (“Great Negate Flame,” Level 1), which supposedly douses everything in the area. While we’re at it, I might also discuss Ignite (IN FLAM, “Create Flame,” cantrip), which does the opposite. If you can think of a single use for these spells, even hypothetical, anywhere in the game, I beg you to comment.        

     A wizard attacks us in a ruined structure in which two stone harpies flank a crystal ball. Trying to use the crystal ball prompts a voice that might be The Guardian to shout “go away!”          

An interesting scene.

          As we return to the entrance, the spontaneous flames are gone, so I use the occasion to try “Detect Traps” and “Destroy Traps.” Neither works, but it’s maybe the case that the flames’ appearance isn’t a “trap” as such. I’ll have to experiment some more before declaring the spells worthless. The dungeon has a few minor finds–a few reagents, a set of swamp boots, a little food.       On an island east of town, the Shrine of Valor is in pretty good shape. There are some gremlins running around the area, but it’s well-kept and has a sword on the altar, which I suppose is okay. It occurs to me that I didn’t hear the word “valor” once in Jhelom, which is a bit depressing, but I suppose I can’t expect cities to maintain their mission statements for over 200 years. It occurs to me that when the cities were created around the virtues in the backstory of Ultima IV, certain professions were naturally drawn to certain cities because of those virtues: fighters to valor, mages to truth, and so on. (Druids=justice and rangers=spirituality were always a bit of a stretch and should have been reversed in my opinion, and I guess tinkers=sacrifice never made much sense.) Two centuries later, the remnants of the professions are there, but not the virtues. Jhelom still attracts fighters and Moonglow still attracts mages, but they’ve become more about the realities of those professions than their aspirations.         

The Shrine of Valor from above.

         There’s a small island northwest of Jhelom with another cave entrance. It’s clear that someone’s been living inside, but I can’t figure out what they’ve been up to. There’s a huge barrel of beer in a corner–and next to it a set of thumb screws. At the south end of the cavern, a curtain parts to reveal a sack with a single key. The key opens two chests in the main room, and inside we find a couple of bars of gold, reagents, and a magic helm. The best I can figure is that some bootleggers operate out of here. On a fun note, if you turn the spigot on a keg of liquor in this game, your party members absolutely freak out, alternately screaming “turn it off!’ and “thou art wasting it!” Nothing brings them more distress, apparently.         

It’s not like you were going to get to drink it.

          Our final adventure in the Valerian Isles occurs on the southeastern tip of the main island, where we find a pirate and the remains of a ship. The pirate is pacing back and forth but refuses to talk with us even though his garbage pile and arrangement of furnishing suggest he’s been stranded here for a while. There are three barrels of gunpowder among the wreckage, and these are the first ones in the game that I feel comfortable (for role-playing reasons) grabbing for my own use. They generate explosions that can be useful on locked doors and in combat.           

I like that graphics are advanced enough in this game to set up little “vignettes.”

           I return to Jhelom, where Kliftin has created the fake Honor Flag. I return it to Syria, who takes it grudgingly and calls off the duel. Sprellic is overjoyed at the result. Ophelia refuses my arguments of a “moral victory” and I’m left with ten worthless chits. As for the Rune of Valor, I always interpreted valor as a mandate to actively seek wrongs and right them. You can life an honorable, just, and compassionate life just dealing with things as they come to you, but only the truly valiant do something proactively about an injustice that isn’t otherwise their duty. Thus, I give the rune to Kliftin, who came up with a solution to a problem that he could have ignored, taking some risk upon himself in doing so.           

I was tempted not to, but the game didn’t give me that option.

        We cap this long entry with a visit to the Dungeon Destard, which has always struck me as the least literal of the original eight dungeons (“Wrong,” “Deceit,” “Despise,” etc.), although as the opposite of valor, it’s clearly meant to evoke “dastardliness” or thereabouts.

In an early room, I meet an unlikely trio consisting of a fighter, a ranger, and a winged gargoyle. The fighter introduces himself as Cosmo. He claims to be betrothed to Ophelia, the Jhelom barmaid (who didn’t mention him once), but she’s apparently decided to make him prove his virginity before they get married. That sounds like she gave him something to keep him busy, because she certainly didn’t sound like a virgin. Anyway, he thinks there’s a unicorn in the area that only virgins can touch. This tickles a memory, but I seem to recall that the unicorn is in a different dungeon. His companions, the ranger Cairbre and the gargoyle Kallibrus, Kallibrus seems genuine but confused because gargoyles don’t have genders and don’t mate. Cairbre concurs with me that Ophelia just sent Cosmo on the quest to get rid of him, and he even shares my opinion about Ophelia’s likely virginity. Despite all of that, he has a fondness for Cosmo and didn’t want him to venture to the dungeon alone. It’s nice to meet another group of friends, even if their quest is stupid.             

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” Cairbre hastens to add.

         Deeper in the dungeon, we start running into dragons. Dupre proves himself the weakest link of the party, having joined when he was only Level 3 (everyone else is Level 6), so I get a lot of use out of:            

Heal – MANI (“Life”), Level 3. A simple spell that heals about 10 hit points. A useful workhorse; probably the spell I’ve cast most since beginning the game.

        There are a lot of caltrops in the corridors. I really hate those things. You never seem to get them all, and no matter where you move them, someone always seems to stumble over them later. But it’s worth it, because we soon find a bunch of gold bars just sitting in the hallway.           

Can you even see these?

        In a large, central chamber, we kill three more dragons and find the corpse of a man with a Fellowship staff, a chest with two Fellowship medallions, and a sack full of potions and reagents. Further along, another dragon cave delivers some huge dividends: stacks of gold, gold bars, gold nuggets, and gems, along with the 5-10 gems per dragon that we’ve already been looting from their corpses. Our economic prospects have definitely turned around, and it’s time to reflect that in spells, reagents, and training. Poor Spark has 15 training credits to use. There’s also a spellbook in one of the chests, but none of my party besides the Avatar can use it, and he has his own. I’m not sure that any NPC in the game besides the Avatar can cast spells.             

Coming here should have proven our valor, but it just stoked our avarice.

        We do find the unicorn, although in a separate set of caves that share the same mountain range with Despise (if there’s an illusory wall connecting them, I didn’t find it). He’s right in the entrance, prancing around a pool of water, and he introduces himself as Lasher. He tells a horrible story about why unicorns can detect virgins: they were originally a species of nature spirits, both male and female, bound to service by a wizard. When the leader of the clan decided to spend one night chasing females instead of heeding the wizard’s call, the wizard cursed the entire herd with chastity, forbidding them to mate. This curse caused them to kill all the females of their species and left them with a sensitivity to “sexual energy” such that they could only tolerate the presence of virgins.          

I thought Britannia was a more enlightened society.

          He’s aware of the presence of Cosmo and his companions, and he’s avoiding them because he’s “sick of being used as the instrument of women’s humiliation.” But he laughs when he hears that they’re looking for him to prove a male virgin and agrees to help. (I return to them later, but there are no new dialogue options.) During the conversation, he asks whether I’m a virgin. It’s an interesting question. I’m not, obviously, but I never thought about whether my character is. He didn’t explicitly have sex with Princess Aiela in The Savage Empire, and he rejected the overtures of the gypsies in Ultima VI. He seems pretty old to be a virgin, but one wonders if things back on Earth even count. I mean, his power and skill all reset when he walks through the moongate; why not his virginity? I err on the side of saying yes, and the damned horse actually has the nerve to accuse me of lying to avoid embarrassment! After my party has a good laugh at my expense, he confirms that I do regain my virginity upon entering the moongate.

Maybe I put that demon sword away too soon.

            He then asks if I’m a virgin by choice or circumstance. I say “circumstance” because Jaana’s in a relationship and I’ve otherwise been surrounded by men since I got here. Lasher offers to help and asks if I want love or lust. The real answer is that I want neither in a society that has yet to discover deodorant or razor blades, but I choose “love” and he directs me to Nastassia in Cove.           I’ve already met Nastassia, of course, but the conversation reminds me that I promised to find out what happened to her parents. We’re going to make some spell and training stops along the way, but otherwise the next stop is Yew, city of Justice.        Time so far: 46 hours

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/the-black-gate-of-valor-and-virginity/