#as opposed to the girl who liked her uncles post that said its okay to say the n word because everyone says it and his grandma did too

[donewiththisshitplsstop]

The way you were so outraged when someone called Hannah a snake only to say 'okay but let's not bring Kelly and Max into it' when Nelson called Lewis the 'N' word. I see your selective outrage.

P.s. Susie needed you to have this same outrage when Sergio said women belonged in the kitchen. Your fellow female F1 fans needed this outrage when Christian was saying they only watched F1 for the good looking drivers instead of it all being chalked down to 'peak shithousery'

[spockandawe]

Well, this is interesting! So, in that post yesterday, there was one line that really baffled me, a thing about people brushing off a character as an asshole “because he shows literally zero growth.” I kind of set that aside because it was such a weird non-sequitur, and guessed that it was just someone’s sentences not quite keeping up with their train of thought, which has happened to me many times. Apparently I was wrong! I already spent long enough on that one post, I’m tired of talking about that, but this is new and interesting. 

Okay. I kind of wanted to see if I could talk about this purely in terms of abstracts and not characters, but I don’t think it’ll work. It would be frustrating to write and confusing to read. It’s about Jiang Cheng. Right up front: This isn’t about whether or not he’s an abuser. Frankly, I don’t think it’s relevant. This also isn’t about telling people they should like him. I don't care whether anyone else likes him or not. But I do like him, and I am always fascinated by dissecting the reasons that people disagree with me. And the process of Telling Stories is my oldest hyperfixation I remember, which will become relevant in a minute.

I thought I had a good grasp on this one, you know? Jiang Cheng makes it pretty obvious why people would dislike Jiang Cheng. But then the posts I keep stumbling over were making weird points, culminating in that “literally zero growth” line.

So! What happened is that someone wrote up a post about how Jiang Cheng’s character arc isn’t an arc, it’s stagnation. It’s a pretty interesting read, and I broadly agree with the larger point! The points where I would quibble are like... the idea that it’s absolute stagnation, as opposed to very subtle shifts that still make a material difference. But still, cool! The post was also offered up as a reason why OP was uninterested in writing any more Jiang Cheng meta, which I totally get. I’m not tired of him yet, but I definitely understand why someone who isn’t a fan of his would get tired about writing about a character with a very static arc. Okay!

Now, internet forensics are hard. I desperately wish I had more information about this evolution, because I find this stuff fascinating, but I have no good way to find things said in untagged posts, reblogs, or private/external venues. But as far as I can tell, that “literally zero growth” wasn’t just a slip of the tongue, it’s become fashionable for people to say that Jiang Cheng is an abusive asshole (that it’s fucked up to like) because he doesn’t have a character arc.

Asshole? Yes. Abusive? This post still isn’t about that. This is about it being fucked up to like this character because he did bad things and had a static character arc.

At first, that point of view was still deeply confusing to me. But I think I figured out the idea at the core of it, and now I’m only baffled. I’m not super interested in confirming this directly, because the people making the most noise about this have not inspired confidence in their ability to hold a civil conversation and I’m a socially anxious binch, but I think the idea is: ‘This character did Bad Things, and then did not improve himself.’

Which is alarmingly adjacent to that old favorite standard of ‘This piece of fiction is glorifying Bad Thing.’ I haven’t seen anyone accusing mxtx of something something jiang cheng, only the people who read/watched/heard the story and became invested in the Jiang Cheng character, but things kind of add up, you know?

Like I said, I don’t want to arbitrate anyone’s right to like/dislike Jiang Cheng. That’s such a fucking waste of time. But this is fascinating to me, because it’s like..... so obviously new and sudden, with such a clear originating point. I can’t speak to the Chinese fans, obviously, but exiledrebels started translating in... what, 2017? And only now, in 2021, do people start putting forth Jiang Cheng’s flat character arc as a “reason” that he’s bad? I’m not going to argue if he pings you in the abuse place, I’m not a dick. I’m not going to argue if you just dislike his vibes. I’m just over here on my blog and in the tag enjoying myself, feel free to detour around me. But oh my god, it’s so silly to try to tell other people that they shouldn’t like him because he has a static character arc.

I want to talk about stories. I don’t know how much I’ll be able to say, because it’s impossible to make broad, sweeping statements, because there are stories about change, there are stories about lack of change, there are all kinds of media that can be used to tell stories, and standards for how stories are told and what they emphasize vary across cultures and over time. But I think that what I can say is that telling a story requires... compromise. It requires streamlining. Trying to capture all the detail of life would slow down most stories to an unbearable degree. Consider organically telling someone ‘I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich’ versus the computer science exercise of having students describe, step by step, how to make one (spread peanut butter? but you never said you opened the lid)

Hell, I’ve got an example in mdzs itself. The largely-faceless masses of the common people. If someone asks you to think about it critically like, yes, obviously these are people, living their own lives, with their own desires, sometimes suffering and dying in the wake of the novel plot. But does the story give weight to those deaths? Or does it just gloss by? Yes, it references their suffering occasionally, but it is not the focus, and it would slow the story unbearably to give equal weight to each dead person mentioned. 

Does Wei Wuxian’s massacre get given the same slow, careful consideration as Su She’s, or Jin Guangyao’s? No, because taking the time to weigh our protagonist with ‘well, this one was a mother, and her youngest son had just started walking, but now he’s going to grow up without remembering her face. that one only became an adult a few months ago, he still hasn’t been on many night-hunts yet, but he finds it so rewarding to protect the common people. oh, and this one had just gotten engaged, but don’t worry, his fiancee won’t mourn him, because she died here as well.’ And continuing on that way to some large number under 3000? No! Unless your goal is to make the reader feel bad for cheering for a morally grey hero, that would be a bad authorial decision! The book doesn’t ignore the issue, it comes up, Wei Wuxian gets called out about all the deaths he’s responsible for, but that’s not the same as them being given equal emotional weight to one (1) secondary character, and I don’t love this new thing where people are pretending that’s equivalent.

When Wei Wuxian brutally kills every person at the Wen supervisory office, are you like ‘holy shit... so many grieving families D:’ or are you somewhere between vindicated satisfaction and an ‘ooh, yikes’ wince? Odds are good you’re somewhere in the satisfaction/wince camp, because that’s what the story sets you up to feel, because the story has to emphasize its priorities (priorities vary, but ‘plot’ and ‘protagonist’ are common ones, especially for a casual novel read like this)

Now, characters. If you want to write a story with a sweeping, epic scale, or if you want to tightly constrain the number of people your story is about, I guess it’s possible to give everyone involved a meaningful character arc. Now.... is it always necessary? Is it always possible? Does it always make sense? No, of course not. If you want to do that, you have to devote real estate to it, and depending on the story you want to tell, it could very possibly be a distraction from your main point, like the idea of mxtx tenderly eulogizing every single character who dies even incidentally. Lan Qiren doesn’t get a loving examination of his feelings re: his nephews and wei wuxian and political turnover in the cultivation world because it’s not relevant, and also, because his position is pretty static until right near the end of the story. Lan Xichen is arguably one of the most static characters within the book, he seems like the same nice young between Gusu and the present, right up until... just before the end of the story.

You may see where I’m heading with this.

Like, just imagine trying to demand that every important character needs to go through a major life change before the end of your book or else it didn’t count. This just in, Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg go through multiple novels without experiencing radical shifts in who they are, stop liking them immediately. I do get that the idea is that Jiang Cheng was a ~bad person~ who didn’t change, but asdgfsd I thought we were over the handwringing over people being allowed to like ““bad”” fictional characters. The man isn’t even a canonical serial killer, he’s not my most problematic fave even within this novel.

And here is where it’s a little more relevant that I would quibble with that original post about Jiang Cheng’s arc. He’s consistently a mean girl, but he goes from stressed, sharp-edged teenager, to grief-stricken, almost-destroyed teen, to grim, cold young adult (and then detours into grim, cold, and grief-stricken until grief dulls with time). He does become an attentive uncle tho. He..... doesn’t experience a radical change in his sense of self, which... it’s...... not all that strange for an adult. And bam, then he DOES experience a radical change, but the needs of the plot dictate that it’s right near the end. And he’s not the focus of the story, baby, wangxian is. He has the last few lines of the story, which nicely communicate his changes to me, but also asdfafas we’re out of story. He was never the main character, it’s not surprising we don’t linger! The extras aren’t beholden to the needs of plot, but they’re also about whatever mxtx wanted to write, and I guess she didn’t feel like writing about Jiang Cheng ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But also. Taking a step backward. Stable characters can fill a perfectly logical place in a story. Like, look at Leia Organa. I’m not saying she has no arc, but I am saying that she’s a solid point of reference as Luke is becoming a jedi and Han is adjusting his perspective. I wouldn’t call her stagnant, the vibes are wrong, but she also isn’t miserable in her sadness swamp, the way Jiang Cheng is.

Or, hell, look at tgcf. The stagnant, frozen nature of the big bad is a central feature of the story. The bwx of now is the bwx of 800 years ago is the bwx of 1500+ years ago. This is not the place for a meta on how that was bad for those around him and for him himself, but I have Thoughts about how being defeated at the end is both a thing that hurts him and relieves him. Mei Nianqing is a sympathetic character who’s also pretty darn static. Does Ling Wen have a character arc, or do we just learn more about who she already is and what her priorities always were? I’m going to cut myself off here, but a character’s delta between the beginning of a story and the end of a story is a reasonable way to judge how interesting writing character meta is, and is a very silly metric to judge their worth, and even if I guessed at what the basic logic is, for this character, I am still baffled that it’s being put forth as a real talking point.

(also, has it jumped ship to any other characters yet? have people started applying it in other fandoms as well? please let me know if this is the case, I am wildly curious)

(no, but really, if anyone is arguing that bwx is gross specifically because he had centuries to self-reflect and didn’t fix himself, i am desperate to know)

And finally. The thing I thought was most self-evident. Did I post about this sometime recently? If a non-central character experiences a life-altering paradigm shift right near the end of the story (without it being lingered over, because non-central character), oh my god. As a fic writer? IT’S FREE REAL ESTATE. This is the most fertile possible ground. If I want to write post-canon canon-compliant material, adsgasfasd that’s where I’m going to be looking. Okay, yeah, the main couple is happy, that’s good. Who isn’t happy, and what can I do about that? Happy families are all alike, while every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way, etc.

It’s not everyone’s favorite playground, but come on, these are not uncommon feelings. And frankly, it’s starting to feel a little disingenuous when people act like fan authors pick out the most blameless angel from the cast and lavish good things upon them. I’m not the only one who goes looking for a good dumpster fire and says I Live Here Now. If I write post-canon tgcf fic, it’s very likely to focus on beef and/or leaf. I have written more than one au focusing on tianlang-jun.

And, hilariously. If the problem with Jiang Cheng. Is that he is a toxic man fictional character who failed to grow on his own, and is either unsafe or unhealthy to be around. If the problem is that he did not experience a character arc. If these people would be totally fine with other people liking him, if he improved himself as a person. And then, if authors want to put in the (free! time-consuming!) work of writing that character development themselves. You would think that they would be lauded for putting the character through healthier sorts of personal growth than he experienced in canon. Instead, I am still here writing this because first, I was bothered by these authors being named as “freaks” who are obsessed with their ‘uwu precious tsundere baby’ with a “love language of violence,” and then I was graciously informed that people hate Jiang Cheng because he experiences no character growth.

[beautiful-basque-country]

Kaixo! This is your old reader again (I hope you are not tired of me). I would like to ask you about Basque girls, is their character different from Spanish women? I also read that Basque women historically had more rights than women from other nations.

Kaixo berriro! You’re always welcome, anon ^_^.

Thanks for your questions! We love this subject, so bear with us, this is going to be a long post. First off, both asks are related and linked. That said:

1) All Basque women have different personalities, just like women from any other country. That said - and talking from our own personal experience - we could spot some common traits. We’d say that most of us are distrustful of strangers, straightforward, and used to be listened by both fellow women and men. This straightforward attitude towards both women and men and coming from a matriachalist - not matriachal, see section 2 - society, has brought Basque women lots of misogyny from non-Basque men - especially Spaniards - who enjoy covering us with a reputation of being butch, bosy, dominant, sex-avoiding, castrating, and overall ugly females. Notice it’s the same fake archetype some men invented for suffragists and feminists: the non-feminine, frigid woman who likes to “act like a man”.

2) About the historic part, our favourite ^_^. 

Although it’s still open for debate, the most recent and accepted theory about Basque women and its role in our society is the so called Basque matriachalism - sorry if it’s not the right term, we couldn’t find any of this in English so we just translated directly. Since a matriachal society needs some rules and laws that effectively gave more power or rights to women than to men - and since none of this has ever been found in Basque history, at least, not that scholars know - traditional Basque society can’t be considered matriachal. However, it’s clear that there is a “psico-social structure focused on the feminine archetype that impregnates, coagulates and unites the traditional Basque social group in a completely different manner than the patriachal Indoeuropean peoples”, quoting theory defender Andrés Ortiz-Osés.  Basque matriachalism represents a focus on the mother, a psicosocial structure focused on the mother/woman projected on Mother Earth/Nature.

This structure is divided in 4 layers: - the psico-mythic one: the main Basque goddess is a woman, Mari, and all women are her priestesses in their own home, responsible of the rites and the passing of religion onto the next generation.

- the social one: kinship follows the mother line. There was a totally different way of understanding the family tree for ancient Basques, and researchers know it because of Basque suffix -ba. This suffix appears with family members that are women or related to them: arreba (sister of a man), alaba (daughter), ahizpa (sister of a woman), izeba (aunt). This suffix is missing when we talk about men in the family: anaia (brother of a man), semea (son). Okay, but this doesn’t explain that whole different family tree you talked about, neskak! Yes it does. Because this same suffix appears in the names of family members that are men, and that nowadays are not direct relatives: neba (brother of a woman), osaba (uncle), asaba (grandparents), loba (niece, nephew), iloba (grandaughter, grandson). 

- the symbolic-linguistic one: time is understood as flowing instead of a present moment, fate is preferred over free will, nature over mankind, society over individual, animism over religion. In our language, for example, we say that “somebody makes rain” instead of “it’s raining”, and that “the river killed someone” instead “someone died in the river”.

- the state of mind one: huge attachment to the mother, maternal autorithy, creation of guilds and men recreational clubs - in the sense that, contrary to patriachal societies, women freely let their men have their space and didn’t limit their reunions in any way (society over individual).  G.R. Taylor in Sex in History states that we can talk about  communalist-spontaneist "matrism" opposed to an individualising-blaming "patrism". This could be seen in akelarres, agrarian colectivism and cooperativism, that still survive in the Basque Country. 

Needless to say, this whole structure survived for millenia until our days because of a late Christianization and because Basque men’s traditional occupations were shepherding, fishing and mining, jobs that required them to spend long periods of time away from home and left women in charge de facto.

Are you still with us?? Didn’t  fall asleep? Yay!!! Well done and milesker for reading our whole post.

[tanoraqui]

AU: Hányǐng-jūn

(”Shadowbearing Lord”, translation by @lyratalus)

(see, this is my problem. I decide, “yes, damnit, I AM going to write this longfic!” and then 0.0003 seconds later I’m absolutely swarmed by other plot bunnies.)

anyway, Yiling Patriarch!Lan Wangji but, like...better

Lan Wangji gets out of seclusion and 3 days later takes a mostly sleeping Lan Yuan, a couple days' worth of provisions, and leaves for Yiling. Lan Xichen somehow catches him just outside of Cloud Recesses and LWJ freely admits that he's going to Yiling - the city, not the Burial Mounds themselves - and he's going to raise A-Yuan there and cleanse the Burial Mounds like Wei Wuxian was starting to do with the life he brought back to them

Lan Xichen lets him go, doesn't even bother to play the "shouldn't A-Yuan grow up somewhere healthier and wealthier" card, bc a) cheap shot, b) he knows Wangji has already thought of it (he's right), and c) this is doing NOTHING to convince him that his brother won't commit some sort of passive suicide if he doesn't get to keep that child. God damn, he thought they were over this phase of mourning but Apparently Not

so Lan Wangji gets a house in Yiling, has to deal with 50 tons of gossip - of a new variety; he's used to political gossip and "isn't he hot" gossip but wow he was not prepared for small town "ooh new hot single dad" gossip with a side order of random advice from elderly women about how to care for a six-year-old

(he is, in fact, very grateful for the advice)

(there is no way in hell that Lan Wangji knows how to be the sole provider for a six-year-old)

in the internal war between "do not let A-Yuan out of my sight" and "do not take the vulnerable child to the death mountain", I think the former wins, considering the small child already lived on the death mountain for about a year, and seemed fine except for malnutrition. Which was...well, yes it was a problem with the death mountain, but not directly. Lan Wangji has money and they live in town and commute to the Burial Mounds each day for LWJ to play Cleansing while A-Yuan runs around catching imaginary butterflies or practicing reading; it's fine

...though possibly the nosy grannies convince him to get a babysitter

and maybe to take a break?

oh no i would want so many OCs of just Lan Wangji's neighbors in this

anyway, it doesn't take long for it to become clear that even playing Cleansing all day every day is like being a bird scraping its beak once a millennia on a mountain. Sure it works, technically, but...not really. Frankly, the resentful energy grows back if he stops for a single day. And even Hanguang-jun only has so much power and endurance

he's going to have to handle the resentful energy himself. If he wants to do this, wants to leave some sort of positive legacy for Wei Wuxian, he's going to have to demonically cultivate himself. Siphon the stuff off, and do...something with it. It won't just vanish. Subdue corpses and monsters, probably? Go back to night-hunting?

I dunno how or how fast word gets out, but I guarantee you Jiang Cheng is the first person of note to hear about it and come furiously flying. The fight that follows is raw and possibly literally bloody, and 99.99% about Wei Wuxian (of course.) I think the only reason it stops is that even though they took it outside, A-Yuan wakes up (as does most of the neighborhood) and pokes his head out the window to ask what's going on, and Jiang Cheng puts two and two together with the kid he saw when he visited to disown Wei Wuxian and- 

He can't quite bear to destroy something even halfway adjacent to family He wants Wei Wuxian to have a slightly good legacy, too He storms off.

the only reason he doesn't pass Lan Xichen in the air is that they aren't quite coming from the same direction. This night is becoming very long but Lan Wangji is happy to explain himself to his brother: the careful methods he's started to use, never very much resentful energy at once, and the careful checks he has on himself, meditation and Cleansing and purification rituals. Lan Xichen isn't happy, but he has to concede that it all seems sound, and the goal is certainly a righteous one, and...there are worse ways to mourn

so when an emergency sect leader cultivation conference is called, because the news that Hanguang-jun has not only moved to Yiling but started practicing demonic cultivation has spread like wildfire, Lan Xichen calmly stands forward and defends his brother, states that Lan Wangji is working on noble goals with careful precautions and the full support of GusuLan, he can confirm it himself as Sect Leader but of course any who wish are welcome to visit Yiling as well and judge Hanguang-jun's precautions for themselves.

I cannot put in words how close Jiang Cheng comes to punching him in the face

So that’s what happens: people visit, see what careful measures Lan Wangji has in place, and are convinc- ha ha lol no it’s politics. But it works out. i wish I could say that it's some sort of tie between who Jiang Cheng hates most: Wei Wuxian for everything, but particularly for not even bothering to try to make it safe like LWJ clearly is; Lan Wangji for thinking he can just get away with this shit; Lan Xichen for helping him do it; everyone else for going along with it when they couldn't give Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng and YunmengJiang a single shred of goodwill; or himself for not standing up for either Wei Wuxian (a la Lan Wangji, however post-mortem)/his brother (like LXC)

but we all know it's nowhere near a tie

so...Lan Wangji doesn't plan to teach Lan Yuan (he's still a Lan! They're both still Lans!) any sort of demonic cultivation, but no matter what he does there's still So Much Dangerous Stuff around here, and they have no backup nearby, and demonic cultivation is just so much easier for those without a well-developed golden core yet -

so he teaches him, you know, some basic chords to make a ghost or corpse go the fuck away

(to start)

UNFORTUNATELY I'm pretty sure the timing is such that the Yi City Affair happened mostly while LWJ was in seclusion? Or at least, the start of it, such that the finding of Xue Yang by the side of the road happened either shortly before or shortly after he got out (and, in this case, went to Yiling)

and they have no reason to visit Yiling, so...all that...plays out. as in canon

no reason to visit Yiling, that is, until Xue Yang is sitting on the floor of the coffin house clutching a bag containing the shards of Xiao Xingchen's soul and feeling something like remorse for the first time in his life and he HATES it, he hates it SO GODDAMN MUCH, he wants to burn everyone who contributed to this to the ground and then torment their ghosts for centuries

so, he might then visit Yiling and the man said to be some sort of inheritor of the Yiling Patriarch's power. He almost certainly tries to play nice and helpless, just a good young man who made bad choices and lost his friend, and Lan Wangji probably tries to give him the benefit of the doubt and...yeah that does not last long.

especially if A-Qing has anything to say mime about it

Xue Yang has a fierce corpse on call and the won't-stay-down attitude of a feral weasel on crack who hates you personally, but Lan Wangji has a the home court advantage, including extensive practice siphoning and applying power from the Burial Mounds, and he's fucking Hanguang-jun.

Result: Lan Sizhui gets a sad fierce corpse uncle and a cheerfully-refusing-to-pass-on ghost-jie

HARD CUT uh...10? Ish? Years later? Wei Wuxian aka Mo Xuanyu is quickly giving up the idea of subtle launching fierce corpses at this hand bc at this point it's either out himself or people die, and the latter is not acceptable. He's just about to whistle them in when a ghost whips in and probably saves someone's life by knocking them out of the way. One of the Lan babies shrieks and hides behind another one - but a third points excitedly to the sky and shouts, "Oh, it's Lan Sizhui! Sizhui, over here!"

and who should descend by sword but one Nice Young Man(TM) with a guqin that he plays while switching effortlessly back and forth between spiritual and resentful energy, which, damn, Wei Wuxian didn't even know that was an option. I mean, it wasn't, for him, but...damn! What a clever kid! Did someone teach him?!

oh yeah, imminent danger of death by angry left hand -

Wei Wuxian does have to openly intervene, or at least, obviously intervene by fierce corpse and shouting some instructions at the kids, and then letting this Sizhui kid take the credit for the fierce corpses and trying to book it but, uh...getting caught. By aforementioned Sizhui kid. Who is polite and formal and, Wei Wuxian points out, extremely un-GusuLan-like, what with the bothering him and also the demonic cultivation. There's probably still the ghost of a teenage girl following them and making rude gestures at Wei Wuxian for insulting her little brother

"That's because I'm from the Yiling branch," Lan Sizhui admits, a little shame-facedly except that it's definitely fake shame. 

"Hmm?" says Wei Wuxian, like he knows what that means but is curious for more information (as opposed to have no goddamn idea what that means and desperately wanting more information)

"I, ah, study with Hanying-jun" says Lan Sizhui, who doesn't want to make a big deal out of his parentage. 

"Hmm?" says Wei Wuxian, who is fucking Dying here "I thought I might escort you home with me, so you can get properly cleansed after manipulating those corpses. One must be careful, of course." He sighs in a slightly teenagerish way. "It'll take most of a day, probably, after that arm. I try to use only spiritual energy on night hunts, but that was...pretty bad." 

Wei Wuxian, internally: okay, CONS: getting spiritually cleaned by Lans, even possibly Cool Lans - ugh, why are Lans always like this. PROS: finding out who the fuck this "Hanying-jun” is, bc...what the fuck. In Yiling? Is he stealing MY schtick?? And I can't just ASK, because clearly this kid expects me to recognize the title, which means Mo Xuanyu would probably recognize the title, and even a Lan who practices some sort of resentful energy manipulation isn't just going to be okay with suddenly meeting the Yiling Patriarch...And i can always run if I have to. 

WWX: I mean...okay! I don't have anything else to do!

except they do detour to Dafan Mountain a little because Lan Sizhui wasn't raised quite Lan enough to beat out the rebellious teenager streak and he wants to fight a big monster, and Jiang Cheng nearly fucking draws Zidian on sight bc he really. Hates. The Yiling Lans. And then Lan Wangji shows up just bc he heard about a ruckus and figured it was a good place to find his son

and then goddess statue, Wen Ning, terrible bamboo flute...

it's definitely not 'til after Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng have started and maybe finished fighting before Wie Wuxian finds out that the mysterious bastard who totally stole his spot as Dark Lord of Yiling is Hanguang-jun

or, you know...different title now

apparently

and then LWJ takes him and orders him bathed and - wait actually if they've developed elaborate formal spiritual purification rituals to balance handing resentful energy, he. he probably does order Wei Wuxian bathed

and then brought to his room

oh wow

beautiful

AND THEN PLOT RESUMES AS NORMAL?!? except possibly several questions of romance and Lan Sizhui's history get cleared up much faster 

also Lan Wangji - Hanying-jun - doesn’t have as peerless a reputation to trade on. Public opinion is probably fairly split between camps of, like, “he’s doing a good and noble thing, cleaning the Burial Mounds” vs. “the Lans say it’s okay so it must be, but wow that seems dangerous and/or useless” vs. “demonic cultivation is always eeeevil!” Among cultivators specifically, it’s more the first two, but...performatively more the first, genuinely more the second.

[zukkatrash]

atla pirate au

(soley based on me misreading a diff post and now wanting to see mai in a keira knightly getup) (also everything i know abt pirates is based on the pirates of the caribbean, treasure planet and black sails and hasty 2 am googling) (also also big fucking shoutout to @s-suki for helping me with this)

the gaang's ship - aka The Avatar

yue is captain!!! (@s-suki ur brain is huge and i luv u) so from what i know being a captain is a looot abt politics and u know our girl yue is good at that, not to mention how much her crew loves her bc she gives everything for them

sokka is navigator, one look at the stars and he knows where they are instantly, he charts a course in record time, captains have in fact fought over him but he is nothing but loyal to his captain!!!

aang spends at least half his time in the sails, as lookout and keeping knots secure(? idk shit abt sailing haha) he’s also the fastest one they got, no matter if he’s running, swimming or paddling a small boat

suki is the best fighter they have bc of course she is (also theres no misogyny in this bc i said so) grown men shit themselves when they see her / also shes boatswain (the boatswain was in charge of a ship's anchors, cordage, colors, deck crew and the ship's boats, and would also be in charge of the rigging while the ship was in dock)

toph! makes! bombs! also if u give her a gun that u found thats been underwater for three months and u give her like 2 hours, not only is it completely functional afterwards but it somehow works better than before?

katara is quartermaster and shes def like 30% of how yue keeps her crew in line

haru is ship cook (i know this has zero connection to canon but have you considered boi soft and warm like bread)

teo is the ships carpenter (highest ranking if they got more than one)

jet is a fighter obvs, also him and sokka do NOT get along but yue has this real icy stare that makes them both shut up immediately

smellerbee is dating toph and yue is not opposed to their relationship but does make sure theyre not around eachother too much when explosives are also near bc those 2 def get up to some wild shit

longshot is obvs the best shot they have and is the other lookout

appa is a parrot and he spends all of his time being adorable

momo is still a lemur and just steals so much shit

on to the firenation

ozai rules over a whole ass port/island or smth idk but like all the pirates have to deal with his fucking bullshit

zhao is his 2nd in command and yue at some point guts him 😊

azula is of course captain of her ship and she rules with an iron fist

mai is first mate (making any possible future betrayals that much worse)

ty lee is ship medic and just constantly gets underestimated in fights and wins like right away

zukos life motto on azulas ship is 'i hate it here' bc his job is basically everything nobody else wants to do (until! he is no longer on the ship. does he get pushed off the ship to drown? does he leave in the night with all the valuables he can carry and a map of a great prize? idk, YOU DECIDE)

more thoughts on zuko:

i dont think he’d join the gaang right away after he’s no longer with the fire nation but would first like half-die on some island (even if he didn’t get kicked off, i just imagine he’d do smth drastic like think he can sail a ship without getting lost just bc he’s spent a lot of time on a ship but like, honey no, navigation isnt as easy as it looks) bc zuko alone u kno

iroh is still his uncle in this, but zuko doesnt know that, so he thinks he’s just this weird hermit guy that finds him and takes him in

zuko is like "what does he want? what his secret agenda? how will this guy use this against me?" and iroh is just like "boy! eat something but also are u like okay? u want some cryptic advice thats consisting of 60 ocean metaphors?"

iroh does tell him hes his uncle tho and that he left when zuko was really young and he wasnt the only one who ran from that house that day...

URSA IS ALIVE!

she had been banished by ozai and threatened with zukos murder if she had stayed, ozai wouldve killed her but he knew he couldnt take her in a straight fight and if she had been the type you could assassinate they wouldntve ever gotten together anyway

now shes vibing with iroh and lu ten, because yes lu ten is alive (listen if there is any feasable way of my boi to be alive he is!!!)

also they’re def supporting everyone who opposes ozai as asafely as they can on whatever weird remote island theyre at

once zuko joins the crew of the avatar, sokka laughs like straight five minutes abt zuko thinking he could navigate his stolen boat after not even learning how to properly read a map, not to mention everything else that goes into navigating and zuko is like "fuck u" and sokka is like "lets show u how to read a map so this doesnt happen again" still with tears of laughter in his eyes, and maybe later when hes been on the crew for longer and maybe saved sokkas life in a fight, sokka teaches him abt the stars too and cue zuko pining after the way too beautiful guy trying to explain constellations but zuko just keeps getting lost in his eyes and being hyper aware of how close sokkas arm is when he points out specific stars

the reason zuko joins them in the first place is bc the avatar is the only crew that could protect him against azula and ozai and they’re the only ones willing/able to go up against the fire nation

also katara is the first to see zuko after he parted with the fn and she like immediately has a sword to his throat and boi just fucking faints

maybe jee is also a captain in this bc i really like it when the wani shows up in fanfics and maybe they’re not on good terms with ozai but they’re flying under the radar bc its just a small ship and they do bring in their percentage so maybe zuko joins his crew before he goes to find the gaang?

now some general thoughts:

the dai lee is the chinese navy out to get them all

miyuki is one of their highest ranking officers and gives the pirates a run for their money, but weirdly never goes to chase the Avatar

hakoda is also a captain but he’s working under ozai to take the operation down from the inside (also yes of course his husband bato is also there with him ^^)

kue is absolutely some weird hermit guy

once again big thanks to @s-suki for helping me with this check out their blog theyre great! (theyre on break rn tho but dont let that deter u!!)

if anyone wants to add to this PLEASE do!!! also if anyone draws or writes smth for this please please please tag me bc i would love to see it!! (also i will love u forever ♡)

[currentfandomkick]

I have no excuse on this, just saw the prompt and wrote. inspired by @virgil-is-a-cutie‘s post where Marinette was from Gotham and moved to Paris, many liberties taken on timeline though, and with @justafanwarrior‘s comment on it

-

Marinette blinked a few times when her parents told her the first time that her grandfather on Papa’s side died, and they were going to move into his old bakery.

She was twelve.

She was getting ready for Tim (who’s elven and should not be allowed follow Robin without backup). She just finished working on a bit of embroidery for his suit when the Wayne Gala came up.

She didn’t know how to feel other than dread. (new country, language lessons, culture shock, losing her friends, her connections, her room and so much more).

She was quiet, nodded, and got ready for bed on time.

She whispered about it to Tim, who she watches out for. Because he’s small, an idiot with a very nice camera and she has to. Its her job to—she caught him when he almost fell and they were ten and nine. Like Jason caught her once. (She was so much smaller then, barely remembered the place but she slipped and Jason Todd caught her and told her to always watch her step because no one else will do it for her. well, she decided that she would watch hers and other people’s. because someone should, so why not her?)

She hadn’t seen Jason for years though. She knew he’s a Wayne now, but Waynes and Drakes have some weird rivalry thing and the Dupain-Chengs cater for the Drakes. So she hasn’t seen him in their neighborhood, not around her family’s business (or her ‘Uncle’ Oswald’s) or anywhere really.

Instead she saw Tim who she decided a long time ago was hers to watch out for.

She couldn’t take him to Paris though.

Tim didn’t like it any more than her. They both know they can’t stop it.

But Marinette made sure he was better at looking out and watching before she left.

It was a year of renovations to make the bakery and house above ready for them. Marinette was moved in the summer. She hugged Tim tight before she left, on one of their rooftop runs for fun (the memory, their last run ever) rather than BatWatch.

They didn’t know Robin saw them  for a moment and was ready to give them a Big Lecture, because why would they? They were just moving to breathe, moving to scream in silence and ignore everything they don’t get to control. They were roof top running to have some control in a situation neither of them had any.

Marinette and Tim dropped down to her house, since it was over… for good.

“No going out there again since I can’t go too.”

Tim nodded, crying against her. She cried tooo. They both hated it.

Marinette moved to Paris the next day, beginning of summer. Beginning of the extra crazy as Gotham summers were always ripe with more rogues and more time and more ‘help’ than the rest of the year.

Marinette missed it. She was in Paris helping her parents do a grand opening. It was a success. Maman was glad they got out of Gotham, murmuring it would be better for Marinette. Marinette disagreed, but didn’t contradict her or Papa who was so much happier in Paris than in Gotham. He missed his home city.

(Marinette missed Uncle Oswald showing up at random to make sure no one was doing anything ‘untoward’ to her or people she said he should help. Paris seemed to have a different breed of ‘untoward’ that were well hidden. No one kept them in check. No Batman here to try, no Uncle Oswald to warn her, and no Jason to remind her to watch out for herself.)

On the first day of school Marinette was thrown into being a superhero. Ladybug—she should have used Ladybird or Coccinelle because it was so American but she panicked and now she’s a very American Named Hero of Paris. She prayed no one made the connection.

When Jason Todd died and made the news in the middle of her first year, she cried. A lot. She was Ladybug and couldn’t afford to be akumatized but her parents knew that even if Jason wasn’t around for her since she was little, that she kept those memories close, kept those pictures and wished him the best. They were grieving too—he was almost their son (they tried so hard to get him to stay, but he didn’t want to. He had a mom to care for and Marinette should have asked Uncle Oswald for help when Catherine looked off to her but she didn’t. She was seven and Jason begged her not to say anything so she didn’t.)

She was doing good as Ladybug. (more like putting out fires than fixing the problems, but she did only have observing Batman and Robin to go off of, and none of what she saw was the detective work.) She took down akumas, was working on becoming a good guardian in the future (the kwami admitted she and Chat were the only candidates… the temporary heroes weren’t even in the running) and becoming a better designer. (She now works for Jagged and Clara on the design itself, they have official seamstresses that build her creations to her standards and specifications. She handles the fittings and adjustments when her schedule allows.)

Then Lila showed up and Marinette didn’t get how they didn’t see through the lies. Marinette will admit her lies in French are just… bad. Thankfully they all write it off as her mistranslating her thoughts and her speaking five languages (English, Italian, Spanish, French and Mandarin) rather than it being an attempt at lying. She’s better in English, okay?

But Lila’s were outrageous, even for their school. Maybe it was Gotham, (Uncle Oswald murmuring how to spot a con and a manipulator a mile away, Jason reminding her to be suspicious of every good and too good deal offered, especially with nothing backing it) but she didn’t put too much into Lila on sight.

Then the Ladybug lying and things escalated.

Chloe caught the Drakes talking to one of the events her parents were catering to. Janet was inspecting Marinette’s latest work while Marinette let the woman analyze her choice before being dismissed with a “You have improved, but do try using that sewing machine for your seams next time.”

Tim had been standing with her and they were allowed to escape the crowd to catch up. Tim was not shocked to find out she’d taken to destroying people in Ultra Mecha Strike III on a city wide scale (she won) while Tim was working on more professional photos and debating taking up a sport to be more well rounded (he’s thinking baseball or track because of the running) and they both skirt around her design success because it could jinx it.

Not long after Chloe makes an effort to get along with Marinette. Marinette made a few things clear: she’s not a lackey and neither is Sabrina, that Chloe needs to stop using her family to get out of everything, and that Chloe needs to apologize for hurting people intentionally.

Unsurprisingly, this didn’t go over well the first time.

Sabrina did get close to Marinette instead (Marinette had no issue with this) and joined the girl gang.

Marinette was still skeptical (daughter of a cop versus anyone from gotham is a recipe for disaster) but so far Sabrina just needed to be given normal friend treatment en masses to calm down her obsessive tendencies. It may have reminded Marinette of Tim and his obessions. Kind of like how Marinette took to Alya (superhero obsessed like Tim, and protective like Jason) so she was quick to get used to her.

Chloe did make amends that year (slowly) and kept doing so.

Chloe and Marinette did agree on one thing: Lila is a scam and they didn’t want the class falling for it. So Marinette made suggestions to keep her friends on track for their interests (actually practice, don’t wait for opportunities) while Chloe took to openly opposing Lila as the one Lila can’t touch.

It kept Marinette safe from her attempted manipulations. Chloe was all for it—as Bustier isn’t able to cow Chloe the way Marinette knows the woman would try on Marinette. And language miscommunications could make her seem more complacent and get her in more trouble for not being as complacent as Bustier wants her to be.

Then came the anniversary. The first one. (and the one where Tim is a Wayne now, thanks to Janet passing and Jack being found negligent.)

Lila made the mistake of talking about Jason. Like he was nothing. Like he was a problem and rude and cruel. And a creep.

“I mean, not to speak ill of the dead but…”

“Then shut your trap.” Marinette stuck to Italian. Alya stiffened as Italian had become Marinette’s ‘I am emotional and need you to understand’ language as far as the class was concerned.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to be insensitive…” Lila said in an almost convincing act. Almost.

“Well you are Rossi,” Chloe glanced at Marinette, as she didn’t know what the connection to Jason was.

“I mean, its not like he was much than a…” Lila shut up as Marinette was stalking forward and this? this was not was Marinette was supposed to do. Throw a fit, make a fool of herself, something like that.

Marinette only saw someone trying to drag Jason through the mud. Everyone moved away when Marinette approached (like Uncle Oswald in a silent rage) and she didn’t quite remember what happened from there.

She did remember ending up at the principle’s office with her parents and Lila’s mom.

Who was finding out a number of lies Lila told and Marinette could feel a Talk coming on for her. (Good.)

But then it moved back to why they were there and Marinette saw red as “She was talking about Jason.”

Her parents stilled as that was (almost) family.

Maman was smiling too wide then as “What were you saying about him?”

Lila squirmed as she repeated words that were Wrong.

“She made it sound like he was nothing.”

Tom was the one that terrified them all then, turning to Miss Rossi. “So you mean to tell me your daughter was insulting a child who was murdered that my family was in the process of adopting before he vanished when his mother died and was taken in by the Waynes.”

Damocles paled as Miss Rossi had made it sound like she was getting back at Marinette for bullying her (something everyone but Bustier had denied vehemently. Especially Chloe and Chloe’s word outranked Lila’s) but with all of this… it seemed more like Lila was the issue.

Lila was trying to process the new information. Marinette was going to kill her was her conclusion.

“Miss Rossi could not have known of that connection,” Damocles said, eyeing the girl with something guarded.

It wasn’t more than a day later the school was introduced the Marinette’s uncle.

“Now, which of you is the one that angered my little birdie?”

Marinette groaned as she didn’t call him. Nor had her parents. (He was watching them then. Great. She thought that stopped when they left Gotham.)

Apparently terrorizing her classmates (and the school’s staff) was enough for him. Lila was now at juvie for truancy (the only charge that stuck) and away from Marinette.

She figured that was it.

It was not…

--

Six months later…

“Tim Tam?”

Tim grinned at her. “Hey Marebear!”

He was at Dupont, grinning like a loon at her. She said screw decorum and scooped him up and twirled as he is still too tiny.

“Okay, I love that you’re here but why?”

“Heard there was a problem in Paris you neglected to tell me about.” Tim gestured for them to go into the car behind him..

Heroes was her first thought. And Hawkmoth, but its Tim so heroes are his focus.

“I figured we were staying out of old habits.” She was a hero, not stalking them.

“We are.”

Marinette raised an eyebrow as she knew that tone, and it meant he had an idea. She slipped into the car with a wave to her classmates.

“What do you know,” she began with.

“Ladybug purifies and fixes, Chat Noir destroys. Good guys. Anything animal themed is a hero, expect Mayura. Bug themed besides Ladybug, Toss-up. Hawkmoth is who needs to go down.”

Marinette filled in the blanks on powers for public heroes. She shrugged on the blurred possible hero (MultiMouse) and let Tim rattle on and on.

“So I was thinking, why hasn’t anyone looked for outside help?”

Marinette blinked a bit as… “The Mayor was told it was a joke by Green Lantern when they asked for help the Stoneheart Army.”

Tim furrowed his brow. “Which one?”

“There’s more than one?”

“Hair color.”

“Weasely looking, that’s all I remember.”

“That was the ginger who is hated by the JL members, and should not count. Want me to ask Batman?”

“Should I be surprised the Waynes have him on call?”

Tim smiled at her, the one that they used when their parents told them to play and they went roof running and were never caught.

“Never mind. Do you need me to contact Ladybug or Chat Noir?”

“Well, I am talking to Ladybug.”

Marinette knew how to play this off. “And Batman and Brucie are the same person because the butts match.”

“Well, yeah, it would make being his Robin a little harder if they weren’t.”

Marinette took a deep breath before hitting Tim upside the head as “you idiot!”

“Hey, hey! Someone had to!”

“Nightwing!”

“Didn’t want to—not the way he needed!”

“I, urgh! Wait—then Jason—”

Tim softened. “Yeah.”

Marinette hit her head agains the back of the seat. “He told me to always watch out for myself and…”

Tim pressed his shoulder to hers. “I know.”

The rest of the ride was silent.

“How did you…”

“Ladybug, your new haircut and word that speech you made on your debut? A lot like what I found from Jason’s things.”

Marinette may have blushed. A bit. Okay, she had her heroes and hers didn’t wear scaly panties—wait. He did, she just didn’t know that at the time.

“No telling me Chat’s identity.”

“Haven’t figured him out yet, but I would love to see your theories on who hawkmomth could be.”

“Needs the funds to run a butterfly garden, and knowledge to do it in secret, local too, and probably a parent to a Dupont student.”

“That should narrow it down.”

--

A few weeks later, at fifteen years old, Ladybug and Chat Noir defeated Hawkmoth (with Robin playing intelligence, and refusing to take credit). Chat didn’t want to do the reveal after.

Marinette figured it out when he sneezed at a pigeon.

They met up still, but Chat needed a purpose and Marinette was the guardian. She and Tikki exchanged a look. Marinette called Tim.

“Hey Tim? Remember that group project you mentioned? I don’t think I can help, but I know someone who could use an invite…”

--

Marinette is sixteen when Red Hood makes a splash in Gotham. Tim was there at the time, so was Adrien.

She didn’t know what happened (they won’t tell) and she won’t press… them at least.

Uncle Oswald answered her questions. New crime lord, and he has a bone to pick with the Bats.

Marinette convinces her parents to let her stay in Gotham. Jagged offered his townhouse for when he’s on tour and she can’t go with (she has so many commissions, so no touring for her).

Chloe and Sabrina manage to convince their parents its okay. (Sabrina’s dad was a particularly difficult sell until Marinette’s Uncle Oswald offered to have them guarded by his men. In person. Marinette is convinced he has a team watching her at this point, and is glad she’s retired as Ladybug. It’d be dangerous if she wasn’t.)

Alya somehow got an internship in Metropolis (Marinette wasn’t glaring at Tim for that, she was disappointed he meddled so much Superman caught on and had his girlfriend offer the girl a spot.)

Nathaniel and Nino couldn’t make it for the summer, but both managed to visit.

Thankfully neither of those visits coincided with her own run-in with Red Hood. To be fair, it was at the old bakery location. Now run by a friend of Papa’s who uses a different set of recipes.

Marinette was there and making some of the old recipes for old time’s sake. One of the baker’s was from Papa’s staff before they left. Most of the new staff were a bit sketchy, but nothing that raised Gotham Red Flags.

She blinked a few times during the encounter as Red Hood burst in (it was still light out… she thought at the time) and paused when he saw her.

“You’re the old owner’s kid?”

She didn’t get what her family had to do until… Uncle Oswald. Great. Human Bait-time.

“Pretty sure the kid left town with her family.” Not a complete lie, but an easy deflection like Jason taught her. She’s not as snarky as him (as he was).

Red Hood, she couldn’t tell what that did for him (stupid Helmet) but he did grab what she was  and say “yeah, no way the kid would botch a macron like this.”

She really wanted to deck him for that one. As it was her specialty asshole.

He did leave after that and she may have told Jagged and Oswald she’s going to spend a week or two in NYC with Audrey to keep her mind off of it…

Then Tim had her over with Adrien (who Marinette is now convinced is a Wayne ward in all but name since he lives there now) and Just Their Luck, Red Hood decided to break into the Batcave.

Tim went off to defend it, and Marinette sighed as this is her life and she isn’t a hero anymore. Ladybug would be recognized and easily connected but…

“Trixx, Let’s Pounce!”

A fox hero? Unlikely. One illusion spell later (and Bruce, Tim, Alfred, Adrien suiting up) and Red Hood was knocked out.

Alfred was the one to tell her to stay up stairs as “This isn’t something you need to see Miss.”

She dropped the transformation and put her hands on her hips as “This guy tried to kill Tim who I’ve been keeping from dying since he slipped on a ladder in the middle of winter like an idiot. And is already looking for me.”

The group exchanged a look at that.

“How long?”

“He said I couldn’t be me because my macrons were wrong,” Marinette grumbled, ignoring the real question.

“He did what!” Adrien gawked at her.

“Marinette!” Tim was not happy.

Bruce was looking at her like she was the weird one.

“Oh no, you don’t get to look at me like that. I’m not the one fighting crime in as my fursona and teaching other people to do the same.”

Apparently Red Hood was not actually out cold. How does she know this?

He started laughing.

Bruce was sputtering, Alfred was unreadable, Tim was bring pink and Adrien was nodding along as he was one who started calling Batman and other heroes ‘the furrious furries’ when Batman and Robin were brought up as helping them with Hawkmoth over a year ago.

It was strange to think of it as a year ago.

(a year ago she thought Jason was dead, that Hawkmoth was impossible to find and still crushed on Adrien).

Now Jason is alive, Hawkmoth was defeated ages ago and that crush? Gone with that thing called distance and perspective.

Instead she was staring at the guy who broke into the Batcave and implied he was going to kidnap her two weeks ago, if she was herself, and didn’t because her macrons were ‘wrong’ when he clearly has no taste.

“Hey Pixie.”

Her brain shorted as… “Jason what the fuck.”

Her summer was a weird one. Jason was alive, Uncle Oswald and him were doing business, and since Marinette was in shock still, she went to Uncle Oswald’s unannounced (he tells her when he plans to be busy) so she walked in on Red Hood and him arguing over something and…

“Is this karma for helping Tim when I ten?”

Red Hood took one look at her, then Oswald, and it clicked.

“Pixie, why didn’t you tell me this Thing was your Uncle?”

“Mari dear, please tell me your association with this, this brute.”

“He came back from the dead and didn’t tell me,” Marinette told her Uncle as that she could process.

“Ah. That… explains nothing. Mari dear, we’ll talk about this later, feel free to go to the park until I send someone to fetch you.”

“No, I think Pixie will stay right here and find out what you do.”

Marinette did the logical thing one does when a dead almost-was-your-brother turns into a crime lord and is talking to your ‘Uncle’ who you know has a shady reputation.

Get the hell out of there.

She grabbed her things (she kept them in the suitcases just in case, because Gotham) and joined Uncle Jagged on tour because right now? She needed something a bit less insane. And Jagged qualified.

-

She would love to tell you she went after Red Hood, or helped Tim and Adrien, she would, but she’s the guardian and that means staying out of on-going wars of many kinds.

It also meant she was able to defend herself when Jason Fucking Todd decided to crash a Wayne Gala that Uncle Jagged and Uncle Oswald were insistent that she attend. Clara and Adrien and Tim joined in. Chloe and Sabrina and Alya combined forces to convince her to attend, while Nino consoled her with pats and good music.

Jason Fucking Todd announcing he’s alive at said Gala, and making a scene before chatting up Bruce and the Wayne Clan (There is new girl named Cass. and she did see a blond with Tim, she thinks its Steph but it could be one of his Titan Friends since she saw Superboy looking like less of a fashion disaster for once with a fast talking ginger that she’s pretty sure is the current Kidflash).

Marinette was so glad she was on the other side of the room, and out of the spotlight.

Jason Fucking Todd catching her the next day when she was getting coffee, was not in her plans.

“So, Pixie Pop, we have some catching up to do.”

And she is not bitter he vanished out of no where. That she thought he was dead when she was a little kid and mourned for months, only to find out he’s a Wayne now. Then not be allowed to see him because of the Wayne-Drake thing. Or that he really died for real and then came back without telling her. Or that he became a crime lord on top of it all and Tim a few scars that line up with what Oswald heard of Robin and Red Hood fights that were brutal.

Nope.

Not.

At.

All.

“We do, but I have an appointment already, and you already know how to contact me, so bye.”

He didn’t, but Tim did. And that meant he had to fix things there.

She’s not sure how to feel about her almost-brother and his attacks on Tim. She’s not sure how to process all of this but she can put some distance, right?

Wrong.

Jason Freaking Todd decided to make up some BS story about having taken time to get better and being grabbed by a goddamn cult and it took him time to escape. (Tim told her it was close to the truth the cult was some group called the League of Assassins… she just. Why. just why?)

Then he decided (re: Alfred Apparently knows Gina, who told Maman and Papa) to get her parents involved in making her talk to him.

How? How does he do this from another continent where he runs his (technical) criminal enterprise?

He just shows up after Tim figured what he was doing and told Alfred.

And now Marinette has to talk to her almost-brother-that-died when she’s elbows deep in a design rut and is far more willing to kick his ass than run (or think about talking to him).

“Pixie pop,” Jason grinned.

Marinette refused to respond on the principle. Her parents were downstairs, and she’s trying to make a nice silloutte but can’t and Fuck Off Jason.

“So, uh, I’m alive.”

“Uh huh.”

“I don’t kill people that don’t deserve it.”

She narrowed her eyes as “Tim.”

Jason scratched the back of his neck. “Okay, I was really messed up for a while.”

Marinette rubbed her forehead. “And.”

“You know of anything called the Lazarus Pitts.”

She did. Also they drive you insane (re: beyond reason) with one use.

“I was recovering from them and mostly have the Pitt Juice out of my system.”

“Bruce?” because he’s batman so what can’t he do at this point?

“A friend of his.”

Cryptic, but she doesn’t want to focus on him.

“So, what have you been up to?”

“Fashion.”

“Oh, what kind?”

Somehow she managed to soften a bit and give real answers. Maybe it was because Jason mentioned debating trying school and vigilantism (apparently he goes after abusers and drug lord and people who target kids and pregnant women and okay, she’ll check with Tim later and all for it being the truth but… she wants this to be real.

--

At seventeen Marinette meets a ten year old Damian Wayne, who is insistent Tim is not a Wayne.

Marinette is ready to throw hands with a teeny tiny assassin child.

Adrien is too.

Tim says he was just leaving, so Marinette makes the “mature” decision to follow him to San Fransico with Adrien on her heels.

They were not expecting Red Hood to show up a week into their stay (Uncle Oswald was expected to pop in and complain about her not being in Gotham, but Red Hood (not Jason but Red Hood)? Not on the list of visitors.

“So you’re telling me this kid tried to start shit with my Replacement?”

Marinette raised an eyebrow and nodded.

Red Hood told her to give him three weeks to fix it.

Somehow, it worked. And Apparently Nightwing was in the doghouse with some of his former teammates? She wasn’t sure how that worked.

She did know that Tim is sixteen, switched to Red Robin (she helped him design it as he’s bad at it and he wanted to look like he was 30 in his first design. 30. Just. No.) and said he had a thing to do.

Marinette and Adrien shared a look.

“I’ll watch the kwami.”

One list of kwami-care later, and Marinette switched to online classes for the year to keep her not-technically baby brother/her idiot out of trouble. Did she mention ninjas were involved? They were. it was a nightmare and she may have let Red Hood know about the League and he may have shown up to help her keep Tim from getting brainwashed.

Oh, and only at that point did anyone bother to tell her about Bruce being missing-missing not just Off-World or on a real vacation-missing.

Tim explained his hunch (because it is a hunch Timmy, and now we have a semi-solid theory) and she just sighs and calls Adrien to meet her in Gotham.

Fluff won’t tell them where (spell stops it) but confirms Bruce is lost in time. Jason is shocked, Dick and Damian are processing, Alfred is bordering on tears and Tim is victorious.

He also calls up the teen titans for help and they get Bruce—Tim and Adrien’s Father figure, not Batman.

She shakes her head and lets them have their reunion, kwami content at her side.

She goes back to Paris as its home now, and works on rebuilding the order in between nagging Tim about his health (he fears only her and Alfred apparently) and harassing Jason about doing his coursework (apparently she, Maman, Papa and Alfred are all effective there).

She’s able to say her parents were right about Paris being good for her, but she doesn’t think Gotham is bad for her.

--

hope you enjoyed!

[hookedonapirate]

Save the Dance

Summary: Single mother, Emma Swan, takes her daughter to the school's annual Father-Daughter Dance, only to get turned away because she's not a man. But thanks to their neighbor, Killian Jones, the evening isn't completely ruined after all.

A/N: So, where I'm from, the Father-Daughter Dance takes place around Valentine’s Day and is a huge deal for young girls and their male role models. Even though I don't have kids of my own, the dance is all I hear about at work for the weeks leading up to it, so I was very much inspired to write this one-shot for Captain Swan. This actually happened to a mother in my hometown trying to take her daughter to the dance, only they didn't have a Killian Jones to save the day. 

I posted a drabble about the Father-Daughter Dance already, but I had two different premises in mind and wanted to write both. So, here is the AU version.

Rated: Teen

AO3 l FF.N

Killian is sweating bullets as he leaves his flat, locking the door behind him. He was set up on another blind date by his brother, this time with Elsa’s sister, and though he is looking forward to filling the emptiness in his heart, he is not looking forward to another awkward date with a stranger. His brother has a bad habit of asking every lass he knows if she is single—not for himself, but for his little brother, as he likes to say—and since Killian has never met the elusive sister Liam’s girlfriend is always talking about, Liam thought it’d be a brilliant idea to set the two of them up after Anna's terrible breakup with Hans. Not only is it weird and awkward that his brother makes a hobby out of being his wingman, but there’s another very good reason why Killian does not want to go on this date.

 He is hopelessly in love with his gorgeous neighbor.

 It wasn't love at first sight; Killian is always too caught up in his own head to have realized what a gem she is right off the bat. She’s always so aloof and doesn’t make a lot of small talk and she's usually in a hurry, trying to get her daughter off to school, so it has taken some time and patience, but they're finally chatting on a regular basis. Whenever he sees her in the hall and she's not in a rush, he always strikes up a conversation with her, and she always reciprocates in a positive way. They always chat about work and the weather or anything that naturally arises in the conversation, and Killian always makes it a goal to get at least one laugh out of her pretty lips, and he succeeds every time, even when she’s distraught or having a bad day. Killian will even go as far as to call her a friend to his co-workers or anyone else he speaks to about her. His brother has caught on to the fact that Killian is smitten with her, but Killian has always denied it. Unfortunately for Killian, Liam had finally taken his word for it and set him up with someone else. If only Killian wasn't too much of a coward to ask his neighbor out for Valentine's Day like he'd planned.

 So, now Killian is committed to this date, but full of regret as he straightens his tie and strides down the hallway with a nervous breath. When he reaches the elevator, he’s about to press the button for the ground level when the doors slide open.

 Killian’s heart stops beating when his two neighbors—the same neighbors with the richest, most beautiful emerald eyes he’s failed to find a comparison to—both have tears streaming down their cheeks when they step off the elevator.

 They’re both wearing pretty dresses and makeup, although Emma’s mascara is streaking down her face, their hair is all done up and they both look beautiful, but tragically broken at the same time.

 Concern washes over him like a freight train, and his protective nature rises to the surface. 

 “Emma? Hailey? What happened?”

 One hour ago…

 Hailey giggles as her mother adds the finishing touches of her makeup.

 “Hold still, sweet pea, I’m almost done,” Emma chastises softly, applying the glittery eye shadow on her ten-year-old daughter’s fluttering eyelids. She doesn't usually allow Hailey to wear makeup, but tonight is a special occasion, so Emma has made an exception.

 “Sorry, Mom.” Hailey holds still, as still as she can, allowing Emma to finish.

 “There, all done.”

 She opens her eyes and sees the big, bright smile on Emma’s face.

 “You like so beautiful, like a princess.”

 Hailey is blushing as she stands up and looks in the mirror, her mother standing behind her, resting her hands on Hailey's shoulders. Emma sees herself in Hailey more and more with every passing day. Hailey has the same complexion and the same nose and emerald green eyes. Her hair is darker though, a deep chestnut color, as opposed to Emma’s blonde.

 “Thanks, Mom, you do too.”

 They had spent the entire afternoon getting ready for the dance, doing each other’s hair and makeup while listening to Kidz Bop Kids playing on the stereo. Emma is so excited she can take Hailey to the father-daughter dance, which is held every year around Valentine's Day and sometimes on the Hallmark holiday if it happens to fall on a Saturday. And yes, she is a female, but for the entirety of Hailey’s life, Emma has played the role of both mother and father, so she only sees it fit to go to this dance with her daughter.

 Emma applies another coat of lipstick, smacking her lips together, adjusts her dress and checks her makeup one last time before grabbing her clutch purse from the bed. “Are we ready to go?” 

 “Ready as I’ll ever be,” Hailey says excitedly.

 ”Alright, let’s go.” Emma strokes her daughter's cheek and drops a kiss to the top of her head before heading to the main room and grabbing their jackets. After helping Hailey into her coat, Emma pulls on her own, preparing for the blistering winter air.

 “You got the tickets, right Mom?”

 “Sure did, sweet pea.” Emma pats her clutch and hauls the door open for her daughter.

 They’re both swept up in a frenzy of the dance and everything it means to them. Their excitement is only heightened when Emma pulls into the school parking lot with her yellow Volkswagon and sees all of the other schoolgirls with their fathers. For Emma, being able to take her daughter is everything to her. She is her daughter’s caregiver, her provider, her best friend, her everything, and it only makes sense to go with her. Besides, Hailey doesn’t really have any male role models in her life, besides her uncle David, who lives on the other side of the country, unless of course, you count their hot neighbor who she considers a friend. But Hailey doesn’t know him well enough to feel comfortable asking him to go with her to a father-daughter dance. Her birth father, or as Emma has referred to him in the past—sperm donor—took off when Hailey was one month old, and they haven’t heard from him since. So, when Emma had called up the school and asked if she could attend the dance with her daughter, they’d told her it was okay.

 They wait in line with their tickets, and Emma moves a few stray curls away from Hailey’s face, her stomach a ball of nerves.

 When they arrive at the door, their hopes of having a fun night full of dancing and precious mother-daughter time are quickly shattered into a million pieces.

 Present

 “They turned us away at the dance because I am not a man,” Emma cries out, ready to burst into tears again.

 “But I thought they said it was okay, love,” Killian says, confused and completely appalled.

 “When I contacted the school, the lady I talked to said I could, but she was not part of the planning committee for the dance. And when we got to the school, they said the dance was to celebrate the importance of positive male role models in a girl's life, so I was not allowed in.”

 Killian’s heart breaks for his two lovely neighbors as they hold each other, both in shambles. He wants to wrap them both up in his arms and hold them until they are happy again. He doesn’t like to see anyone cry, let alone these two beauties, who only want to attend a dance, but were turned down for what? Because someone has decided that the role of being a single mother isn’t as important because she doesn't have a penis? It's preposterous.

 “Bloody hell, that’s awful,” he murmurs, his words cracking as he places his hand on Emma’s shoulder in an attempt to console her. She lifts her chin from the crown of her daughter’s head and turns to him, a tiny hint of a smile making its way across her lips. “I’d be more than happy to go down to the school and yell at them for you.”

 “That’s okay,” she sniffles softly, her words raspy from crying as she wipes away her tears with a Kleenex from her purse. She takes his hand, making his breath catch as she smoothes her thumb over his knuckles. “I almost told them her father died in a fire, but I didn’t,” she sighs. “Maybe I should have, but I was so hurt, I didn’t even bother to fight with them about refunding our tickets.”

 Killian offers a small smile and leans in to plant a soft kiss to the back of her hand. ”I’m so sorry, Emma.”

 “It’s not your fault.” She looks up at him, finally getting a good look at him, and her eyes light up under her glossy gaze. “You look handsome,” she comments, her grin growing until the realization flickers in her eyes and her features cloud with apology. “We’re not keeping you from anything, are we?”

 Killian’s cheeks heat up as he scratches behind his ear, smiling bashfully. He’s not sure how to answer that. He has a blind date, yes, but he can always reschedule. He wants to make sure Emma and her daughter are okay. “I was set up on a blind date, but I'm running early,” he replies skittishly.

 To his dismay, disappointment clouds her features, making his heart clench once more. He really hates seeing Emma Swan unhappy.

 “Oh, well we’ll let you go then,” she says, her hand rising to smooth out his jacket collar. “I hope we haven't put a damper on the mood. Have a nice date, Killian,” she says sincerely and takes her daughter’s hand, walking away towards their apartment.

 Killian turns around and watches the two of them trudging down the hall, both devastated and disheartened that their evening has been ruined. He feels so badly for them, and even though they will find a way to make the best of the evening, they will always remember this night with distaste because of how they were treated at the dance. If only there is a way to make it better.

 Perhaps there is.

 The idea strikes him faster than he has time to stop himself from presenting it to them. “Wait,” he calls out, making them both pause in their tracks. “Hailey, what if I took you to the dance?”

 They both turn around slowly, and Killian is afraid of what their response will be, but when he sees both pair of eyes light up and their frowns instantly melt into a smile, his heart is set ablaze.

 “Really?!” Hailey asks, trying to contain her excitement before he confirms with a nod.

 “Aye, love. I’d be honored to escort you to the dance. And it just so happens, I’m already dressed for the occasion,” he chuckles.

 Hailey looks to her mom, her hands clasping together in a plea. “Mom, is it okay if Killian takes me? All of my friends are there at the dance.”

 Emma looks at Killian, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “But, what about your date?”

 Slipping his hands into his pockets, he shrugs. “I’ll call her and tell her I can't make it.”

 Emma looks completely shocked that he would drop everything to do this for her daughter. “Are you sure about this? I don't want to wreck your plans.”

 Killian waves off her words dismissively. “To be honest, I didn't want to go on the date anyway. It was more out of obligation, so I think I’ll be doing her a favor.”

 Emma nods and bends down to kiss the crown of Hailey’s head. “Okay, you can go.”

 “Yay!” She claps her hands, bouncing up and down.

 “Let me just make a phone call,” Killian says to them and takes out his phone, pulling up Anna's number Liam had texted him. But instead of completely canceling the date, he goes back into his flat to ask his new roommate, Kristoff, for a favor.

 He emerges back into the hall ten minutes later.

 “How did she take it?”

 “She wasn’t too happy, as expected, but I found a way to make it up to her.”

 Emma lifts a brow, eyes full of curiosity. “How did you do that?”

 “Let’s just say I owe my flatmate a favor,” Killian says with a chuckle.

 Emma smiles appreciatively. “Thank you, Killian.”

 “It’s not a problem,” he assures her with a wink.

 Emma is so happy, and as she steps into his space, their eyes connecting, he thinks she might kiss him as he’s pulled into a heated gaze.

 “Come on, Killian we have to go, we’re already late,” Hailey says, pulling him out of his trance.

 Before he can process what’s happening, the young girl is tugging on his hand, hauling him down the corridor.

 “Okay, love,” he chuckles.

 “Have fun you two!” Emma calls after them, and Killian graces her with one last smile before turning around and allowing Hailey to take him away.

 ~*~

 Emma washes off her makeup and changes into some sweats, replacing her dress in the closet before taking out all of the bobby pins out of her hair and pulling it up into a simple ponytail. At least the night’s not a total loss. Her daughter gets to dance and see her friends and have fun. She is a bit jealous though because Hailey gets to go to a dance with their hot neighbor. If only Emma were as lucky to go on a date with him. A few times, she was so certain he was going to ask her—the days leading up to Valentine's Day comes to mind—but he never did. Oh well, Emma's used to being single. She has her daughter and that's all she needs.

 She retrieves a bottle of white wine from the refrigerator, pours it into a glass and sits on the couch watching a movie while she waits for her daughter to come home.

 A few hours later, Hailey bursts through the door with a big smile as Killian follows behind her.

 “Mom, Killian got me a corsage!” she announces, showing the pink roses to Emma.

 “That’s so nice, sweet pea,” Emma comments, smiling warmly as she admires the corsage.

 The dance was a success, after all, even though Emma didn’t get to experience it with her. But Hailey had a good time and that’s all that matters to Emma. Her daughter is the most important thing in her life, and all she wants is to give her daughter the life she deserves.

 Emma thanks Killian once more and they bid each other farewell before he leaves. She helps Hailey get ready for bed, washing off her makeup and tucking her in as Hailey reminisces on the events of the evening and the songs she’d danced to with Killian. She’d said he was nothing but a complete gentleman the entire evening. As Hailey regales every detail of the night, Emma is thinking of ways to properly thank Killian for giving her daughter an enchanting and unforgettable evening at the dance.

 ~*~

 Killian feels bad about asking Kristoff to take his place, but being able to see Hailey as happy as she was, is certainly worth it. And at least Anna still gets to meet a nice guy and perhaps have a fun evening after all. Killian pulls off his suit jacket and loosens his tie, draping both over a chair. Sighing deeply, he walks towards his bedroom when he hears a knock on the door.

 His eyebrows twist in confusion as he goes to answer it, and when he pulls the door open, Emma is on the other side with a blank expression on her face.

 “Emma? Is everything alright?”

 She responds by grabbing the collar of his shirt and staking a claim on his lips. Not innocently, though, but instead hot, fiery, passionate and demanding, making his head spin. Killian is completely unprepared. After all the hours he’s spent with Emma—watching her talk and laugh as she engaged in casual chit chat with him—he had previously thought he would know all there was to know about her lips. But he hadn't imagined how warm they would feel pressed up against his own. Okay, maybe he had a few times, but he’d never imagined she would feel this good. His eyes flutter shut and he’s sliding his fingers through her hair, indulging in the taste of her before she’s withdrawing her lips, still holding onto him.

 When he opens his eyes, seeing this woman standing in front him, her forehead resting upon his as she licks her lips, it’s as though every ounce of breath is extracted from his lungs. Killian manages a grin - a big, stupid, cheesy grin that’s as big as the size his heart grows at her unusual way of showing gratitude.

 As he lifts his hand to caress her cheek and scans her face, her eyes fall to his lips. He takes her cue, leaning in to close the distance between their lips once more. It’s only meant to be a short peck at first, but then Emma’s arms are wrapping around him completely and Killian’s snaking his arms around her back to press her chest against his.

 He knows, at this moment, as Emma is kissing him again, with more desperation and need (which Killian is happy to give into) he’s a complete goner. His mind is too fogged up to think about anything other than the hands which are carding through his hair, the irresistible taste of her tongue as it mingles fiercely with his and the heat spreading throughout his entire body. He is completely addicted.

 The sound of the door followed by an obnoxious whistle Killian can only identify as Kristoff’s. They break apart in a frantic rush and he turns around to see him smirking at the two of them. Killian had just been caught making out with Emma Swan, who he has assured over and over again to Kristoff and everyone else is only a friend. He doesn’t even feel ashamed though, more like disappointed that the moment is over.

 “Evening, Emma.” With pure delight, Kristoff glances between Killian and Emma, who appear to be thoroughly wrecked, their clothing and hair out of sorts. “I take it the dance was a success?”

 Emma’s cheeks flush with an adorable shade of pink as she peels her eyes away from Kristoff.

 “Aye, it went well. Hailey had a fun time so I’d say it was a success, right, Swan?” he asks, peering over at her.

 Emma clears her throat, trying to regain her composure as she looks at Killian’s roommate. “Yes, I didn’t get to go, but Haley is very happy and is now sound asleep.”

 “Well, that’s great, I’m glad,” Kristoff says with a warm smile.

 “How was your date?” she asks him, trying to revert the attention from her and Killian.

 “It was also a success. We had a great time actually.” As Kristoff regales them with details of his evening with Anna, Killian doesn't feel as bad because the two had hit it off immediately and had ended the night with a kiss.

 “Well, it sounds like things worked out for everyone involved then,” Emma comments with a nervous laugh.

 “Yes, it does appear that way,” Kristoff agrees with a smug grin.

 “Well, um…” she stammers, peeking over at Killian. “I should get back to my apartment.”

 “Let me walk you over,” Killian offers, sounding more desperate than he intends to.

 “Sure.” Emma sighs in relief, a smile stretching across her lips, making Killian’s heartbeat spike.

 He opens the door, allowing her to go first and Kristoff throws him a wink as Killian follows behind her, his cheeks heating up with blush.

 When he shuts the door to his flat, he feels Emma’s hand on his shoulder, and before he can move, her lips are on the base of his neck. Killian’s entire body goes rigid with surprise. He’s breathless as Emma showers him with soft, gentle kisses, each with its own flicker of warmth. Killian turns and gazes at her, studying the exquisite features of her face. Her hair is pulled up into a ponytail, and there are some loose strands of hair he pushes away from her eyes and cups her cheek with his other hand, his thumb gently stroking her cheek. “Gods, you're beautiful,” he whispers softly.

 The blush deepens in her cheeks as a warm smile graces her wonderfully swollen lips, making her even more beautiful than she already is. He gazes at her fondly, her eyes softening with tenderness and sparkling with something he can't quite put his finger on. Perhaps she feels as he does? He angles her head and kisses her once more, softer than before.

 “Thank you again for tonight,” Emma whispers against his lips slowly and breathlessly, leaning her forehead on Killian's, taking his hands in both of hers and entwining their fingers together. “It means a lot to me and Hailey.”

 “It was my pleasure,” he breathes, his words completely shattered. Killian plants a delicate kiss to her forehead and takes a deep, quivering breath as he musters the courage to do something he's wanted to for so long. “Now that Hailey got to go to the dance, perhaps I could take you dancing as well? And maybe we could go to dinner first?”

 “You’re asking me out?” she asks, raising a brow. “So, no more blind dates set up by your brother?”

 He shakes his head. “No more, I promise. The only reason I agreed to it was that he and his girlfriend said I’d perfect for her,” Killian chuckles, “but clearly, there’s someone else who fits the bill."

 “For Anna? Or for you?” she asks with a smirk.

 Killian has to lean his forehead against hers again for balance as he gives a breathy reply. “Both. If I wasn't such a bloody fool, I would have asked you out a long time ago,” he admits bashfully.

 Emma laughs softly and bites her bottom lip, mulling over a decision briefly before answering. “I’d love to go dancing with you.”

 Killian’s heart flutters, his smile blossoming as he lifts her hands and presses his lips to the back of each one. “When shall I pick you up?”

 “Soon? Like tomorrow soon?” she asks hopefully.

 “Sounds like a plan. Can I pick you up at five?”

 “Yes, please,” she answers happily. “I’ll ask my friend, Ruby, to babysit Hailey. She has tomorrow night off.”

 “I'll see you tomorrow then, love,” he smirks, taking a step backward, reluctant to release her hands.

 “See you tomorrow.”

Their hands only let go of each other at the last second possible, and Killian watches as she pulls open the door. She graces him with a shy smile and a small wave before disappearing inside. He lets out the long breath he’s been holding and returns to his flat with a permanent grin on his face, looking forward to going on a date with his gorgeous neighbor.

 Emma and Killian get married a year and a half later, shortly after Kristoff proposes to Anna (she says yes). Not only is Killian taking Hailey to the father-daughter dance the next time around, but he’s taking her there as his adopted daughter and they’re leaving a two-story blue house with a white picket fence instead of a small flat. But not until he kisses his wife farewell, along with her small baby bump.

[maneaterwithtail]

Why I likely will not love, just like Pearl and her series

I tend to like the characters people hate. Asoka made perfect sense for me from the beginning. I even like jar jar and love midi-chlorians. Overall when I dislike someone it's usually when righteousness is afforded to them as opposed to them just being annoying especially if theire annoying this is treated as if it's annoying. As an example I don't actually hate Korra from Legend of Korra I'm just frustrated with its writing and her fan base. 

Though I suppose if there is a main character that I dislike in Steven Universe it's Pearl. In no small part there's her fans because chances are there were 'pressed or budding queerfolk who view any attack on her as an attack on the entire concept of their identity. The fact that she's painstakingly tied into said Rebel lesbian identity while often referencing revolutionary girl utena which in my opinion did a much better job handling that as an identity / phenomena

But I don't have any real rational reasons. There's this one moment in this one episode that permanently pissed me off about ttheshow, months later it was still pissing me off. Okay this wasn't the first time this had happened with the sshow. at one point you would receive extra canonical material or the characters be characterized one way and then when it was necessary for the plot characterized another way. A popular one is when Pearl said she can't stand eating so that that way she doesn't become present at a parent get together which causes some really annoying hijinks. But that's just one episode. no, what really collapsed my suspension of disbelief for her as a character and required me to desperately not think she was a real character but just a series of events that did whatever the episode wanted her to?

"What is a sch-ool?"

To be clear this is an alien being who comes from another planet where they have temples. They understand the purpose of Arenas in which to fight for displaying to martial prowess. And she has a 14 year old human son. She's been on Earth for thousands of years. Also she doesn't just know how to operate a motor vehicle and repair one she talks explicitly about traffic laws these cannot be any older than 200 plus years. Despite all of this she does not know what a school is a human practice that has been practiced for thousands of years

That moment, right there, completely destroyed all credibility as a character. She'll have emotional moments that she evokes very well. Because they give her some pretty solid writing and her actress does a damn fine job. But that does not matter because they've basically told me in certain terms that she is made of stupid writing trying to be witty. Whenever they want to make her alien they will make her inexplicably alien and Incredibly dumb to make a plot go forward. Whenever they want to make her too traumatized they will make her too traumatized to justify some bullshit. It's everything I Hate About Mary Sue writing ( even though she is most certainly not a Mary Sue.) Arbitrary in order to evoke audience sympathy rather than earn it and ignore consistency with either setting or character. I don't even hate her that much it's just when they say care about her that I can't do it. I'm always at an enormous divide whenever they try to center on the character.

again this would be okay if she weren't front-and-center on several plots. And hating her basically didn't come with an immediate Repulsor field of saying anything bad or evil or mean about her basically brings out every lesbian, girl who's not like other girls, animation aspirant, or Shoujo Manga fan who's had to deal with any harassment at any point in their lives and assumes that you're part of another chain of evil man figures. Cuz seriously Pearl is really really bothersome. And it gets more so when it feels like her bother some parts get put aside to make her more sympathetic or to make sympathetic allusions. 

The big one for me was when they implied she was going to date a human woman. Despite the fact almost every other word out of her mouth about humans is utter contempt and disgust along with the aapprehensive fact she knows so little about their culture she can't pick up on 2000 year plus old practices. This would imply a level of bigotry that I honestly appreciate the entire fandom accepting in dis course

But much like a popular web novel series apparently her victimhood due to status and how she's crafted in terms of appealing identity matters more than the actual actions and character she displays. This is made even worse due to recent Revelations where I'm supposed to care even more

What's weird about it is that Pearl is in my opinion an incredibly well-written bigoted character. But she's not appreciated as such she's appreciated as basically a Justified bitch. And if any male character dares to show a similar level of fault unless yyou are stanning or shipping them they will be hated the fuck out oof or just dismissed. As far as I'm concerned Uncle Andy is Pearl with Aviation as opposed to space flight and spear use. He's effectively the straight older guy version of pearl. But no one will see that because all they can see is 

oh she's autistic just like me 

she's post-traumatic stress disorder just like me 

oh she's a lesbian or atypical about feminism in some sort of way just like me. 

And this got very explicit with one Tumblr poster who out and out said this then privately contacted me when I reblogged that moment to have me delete it and then close down her entire blog. This gets particularly bad due to the greater critical Steven Universe sentiment. Which honestly I want to enjoy but I can't help but feel that they're more pissed off that the lesbian Revolution was not what was being televised and not frustration with various storytelling beats because almost all the common storytelling criticism get apologized for by every fan and blamed on Cartoon Network

This is not helps with the plausible deniability especially combined with stuff that's happened above.

There is a fractal wrongness with the "what is a school" line coming from Pearl. To be fair it actually comes from Steven but she's basically repeats it a scene later and reveals her ignorance. Ignoring the fact that it's unrealistic for her to be ignorant or to not have looked it up in a fucking dictionary. There's the fact that that's "what is this thing you humans called love and or kissing?" level writing.

. Pearl is very deliberately kind of the anti girl written for guys sort of character. She's very much a girl written for girls sort of character. And I don't mean aimed at a female audience. I mean she's like the anti Starfire. this extends to hur character design which is all sharp edges along with the very deliberate I'm a lesbian fuck off codifiers that I keep mentioning. And the way they often and continuously show her as complicated is to do stupid shit like this. Make her have a breakdown and or make her ignorant about a human subject but only in a convenient way for a narrative. And when the consequences come they will be softened considerably because we need to be recognizing that she is a mentally ill lesbian who was oppressed and abused.

[magzoso-tech]

New Post has been published on https://magzoso.com/tech/his-dark-materials-review-improved-second-attempt-but-not-enough/

His Dark Materials Review: Improved Second Attempt, but Not Enough

In the 2000s, as the Harry Potter film franchise was racking up billions of dollars at the box office worldwide, other studios tried to get in on the children’s fantasy act. Disney kick started an adaptation of C.S. Lewis’ seven-book series The Chronicles of Narnia, which ran for three entries before succumbing to falling critical and commercial reception. (Netflix will now attempt a do-over.) Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig led the big-screen adaptation of Sir Philip Pullman’s trilogy His Dark Materials, which failed at the outset with The Golden Compass. It was deemed controversial for anti-religious themes, while funnily enough, others criticised it for diluting the elements that were critical of religion. A secondary problem was that Pullman’s complex world wasn’t suited for film.

Thankfully, TV is now ready. Benefitting off the combined might of BBC and HBO, the new series adaptation of His Dark Materials — from award-winning playwright and screenwriter Jack Thorne (Harry Potter and the Cursed Child) — has enough time and space to present the story and tackle its subtext, and enough budget to bring its fantastical world to life in a gorgeous and believable fashion. But it takes too long to really get going, running in circles for first three episodes. (Four were shown to critics.) And though the visuals are on point, the writing isn’t. Despite the elements at its disposal — talking animals, a modernised Victoriana fantasy, and scheming, tyrannical individuals — it’s made to feel ordinary, especially the farther it gets from its fantasy trappings.

On top of that, His Dark Materials feels like a children’s show at times. Pullman’s trilogy is often described as children’s books that adults should read, and the show’s producers had hoped it would be an adult TV show that children should watch. But His Dark Materials fails in that regard. Thorne said he did “a PhD in the books” because he wanted to “sound every note”, but he’s unable to realise those ambitions as the show is too talky in its approach. Everything is said out loud, with characters repeatedly shouting out their motivations, telling you how to feel about a scene, or pausing to dump exposition on another character before walking away. By being so simplistic, it doesn’t respect younger viewers and can’t pique the interest of adult fantasy fans.

His Dark Materials begins with on-screen text that notes it’s set in another world which is like and unlike ours. Here, a human soul manifests as an animal called a daemon. The all-powerful Magisterium, a church-like militaristic organisation opposed to new thinking, has controlled the world for centuries, except in the North. And it then introduces its chosen one, a rebellious girl called Lyra Belacqua (Dafne Keen), who as a baby, was dropped off by her uncle Lord Asriel (James McAvoy) at an Oxford college for her protection. (McAvoy has what amounts to a guest role.) Asriel has been roaming the North looking for info on something called the “Dust” that threatens the Magisterium, and he naturally turns down Lyra’s request to travel with him, for reasons largely unknown to her.

After Lyra’s best friend, a kitchen boy Roger Parslow (Lewin Lloyd), goes missing from Oxford, she is swayed by the mysterious Mrs. Coulter (Ruth Wilson), who whisks Lyra away to London with the promise of adventure and helping find her friend. But Roger isn’t the only missing child, with the Gyptian community — Pullman’s analogy of the Roma people — being the prime target. Their leader, Lord John Faa (Lucian Msamati), believes the Gobblers, a myth usually restricted to children’s stories, are behind the abductions and so, the Gyptians too set out for London. Meanwhile, the Magisterium’s Carlo Boreal (Ariyon Bakare) — changed from being an old man in his sixties to a Black British man — is trying to dig into an explorer’s past, who has a bigger presence in the second of Pullman’s books.

Wilson’s Mrs. Coulter is by far the most delightful of the early lot, as she switches between showing genuine care and affection for Lyra, and the curled-lip menace and steely-eyed determination that her job requires her to possess. The other human characters — McAvoy’s Asriel doesn’t get enough screen time — aren’t that engaging, though the aeronaut Lee Scoresby (Lin-Manuel Miranda), who shows up in episode four, injects the show with much-needed energy. In fact, it’s their daemons who are routinely more interesting, be it Mrs. Coulter’s silent golden monkey or Lyra’s ever-changing “Pan” Pantalaimon, who keeps switching between a mouse, a moth, and a snow-white ermine since Lyra isn’t an adult yet. But His Dark Materials hasn’t figured out what to do with daemons, except use them as exposition machines.

Ruth Wilson as Mrs. Coulter in His Dark Materials Photo Credit: BBC/HBO

This aforementioned expository problem is likely the only reliable part of the show, as multiple scenes in the same episode keep haring upon information that everyone — especially the audience — already has. In some cases, His Dark Materials could have easily made tweaks to ensure scenes unfolded in a different fashion than they do on-screen. And in other cases, it seems the show intentionally spins its wheels until it has arranged the other chess pieces on the board that allow the narrative to move forward. Elsewhere, His Dark Materials tries to pull on emotional cords that it has yet to string for itself, which causes scenes to fall flat as the viewers — save for long-time book fans — do not have the requisite level of attachment with the characters that the scenes need to function.

Meanwhile, His Dark Materials both falls into and plays against fantasy tropes. As the chosen one, Lyra is deemed special, important, and most valuable by nearly everyone on screen — her uncle Asriel is the only one who seems to disagree — and the show seems to take this to heart as well, instead of showing us how she’s special. Lyra figures out how to read the alethiometer, a truth-telling device, in a matter of days with no training at all, even though we are told that it takes books and years of learnings. It just feels wholly unconvincing. It’s okay for Lyra to be talented but it’s not okay for her to be a miraculous genius. On the other hand, the idea that the nomadic Gyptians would serve as better guardians for Lyra than the esteemed Oxford scholars is a sort of reversal of what we’ve come to expect from the genre.

But that’s not merely enough to lift an adaptation of Pullman’s work that’s much better at evoking the visual underpinnings than the thematic ones. In doing so, His Dark Materials leaves behind a somewhat generic offering, strange and surprising given the trilogy of books were noted for touching upon concepts that other fantasy authors usually didn’t. And in the process, it also wastes the good work of actors, who are working with an uneven and sluggish plot. Maybe the show will find its groove as the story kicks into gear — a second season has already been filmed, for what it’s worth — if only to equal the wonderfully-realised world that features witches and armoured bears. At least that’s the hope, or we might be looking at attempt number three in another decade or so.

His Dark Materials premieres November 5 on Hotstar, and November 24 on Star World in India.

[lassieposting]

So! Family headcanon: What kind of influence do you think will Skulduggery have on the Edgleys (Alice, parents, maybe Fergus?) after TDOTL?

OKAY RIGHT BUCKLE UP I HAVE EMOTIONS ABOUT THIS also i see you over here in my notifications and i love you

okay so basically, i think melissa like. highkey hates skulduggery. as in, can barely bring herself to be civil to him, even for val’s sake. from her perspective, this is the skeevy Much Older Dude who essentially stole her daughter, encouraged stephanie to skip school, isolated her from people her own age and from her own parents and turned her into a mess and a killer. literally the only upside from melissa’s pov is that they’re not sleeping together. and even that has a yet tacked onto the end in the back of her mind

i mean, we all know skul’s no predator, he was her best friend for years and yeah they’ve got a codependency problem but he loves the very bones of that girl (in whatever way, platonic or romantic whatever), but that’s the image melissa gets of him, because she hasn’t seen them together like we have, and doesn’t know how deep the affection between them goes. she’s predisposed to think he’s taking advantange of her daughter, and to hate him immediately. 

desmond is less…vitriolic? about it. but he doesn’t particularly take to skul, either. he’s spent his entire life terrified of people like skul, gordon’s weirdo friends. even if skul puts in a lot of effort with des, it’s gonna take a long time for des to get over that lifelong prejudice, which was probably drilled into him over the years by fergus 

that said, i think fergus knows skul. or at least, knows him by reputation, if they’ve never met. he certainly knows his name, when he confronts val about teaching the twins magic. so he’s probably aware of both skul’s Bad And Scary reputation, and the fact that ultimately these days, he’s a good dude. he’s the one who keeps saving the world. probably fergus is instrumental in talking melissa into at least accepting that there’s no prising val from skul’s side and that to keep her daughter she’s probably better off at least being civil. i think fergus, for all his faults, has it in him to be a good uncle, and i hope val has a better relationship with him post-america in spx. so he calms melissa down and talks her into civility for val’s sake, because he can just tell that if it really came down to an ultimatum, val’s parents would lose. it would break her, but they’d lose. she’ll pick skulduggery, every single time. and he’ll pick her.

(i think skul has a tendency to have this effect on parents, bc his wife’s dad hated him too, and never got over it, although he learned to be civil for his daughter’s sake, which is pretty much the same boat val’s parents are now in)

and then val takes off for america, and everyone is kinda left reeling. her parents have to find out from skul. they’re not there to see her off at the airport, melissa doesn’t get a last hug with her daughter, they never get to have all the conversations they need to have so her parents can get all the shit they need to get off their chests, off their chests. and when they try to call her, she’s changed her number and basically cut off all contact with everyone

except skulduggery.

so for those five years, he’s basically their link with their daughter. he calls by the house a few times, and they have a very terse conversation about val, and then as soon as they know how their daughter is doing he all but gets the door slammed in his face. alice is just barely starting to toddle around on her own and while he talks to desmond and melissa manages a civil silence, she goes up to skul and puts her lil hands on his knee and starts going “Up, up” which is pretty out of character for her, bc she’s a shy child and doesn’t particularly like strangers, at which point skul has to awkwardly admit that val first let him hold alice when she was weeks old and he’s seen her fairly regularly since then and it just makes them angrier, that this man who stole their first daughter has apparently been getting in early with the second one, and he nearly gets punched

 i think tbh there’s a part of them that thinks val isn’t coming back? so they take out all their grief and pain and betrayal out on skul in a big way, bc when it comes down to it val isn’t there to defend him, and he won’t defend himself bc he knows she is coming back and he’s gotta try to build up some kind of neutral relationship with her parents or she’s always going to be torn between them. so he, for once in his life, keeps his mouth shut and lets them hurl whatever they want to hurl at him

eventually, after a particularly explosive confrontation, he’s out of options and he goes to fergus to pretty much beg for mediation. fergus gives him a fucking good talking-to, what are your intentions with my niece sort of thing, and kind of finds this grudging respect for skulduggery. like he doesn’t bullshit. he’s perfectly willing to admit that like, there’s nothing between him and valkyrie at the minute, nor has there ever been before, but if she starts something in the future he won’t push her away. he will literally be whatever she needs him to be, for the rest of her life. they talk it out like sensible adults and fergus agrees to have words with val’s parents on skul’s behalf

slowly and painfully over those five years, they build up something like civility. desmond invites skulduggery round for a cup of tea while melissa is out, and it’s very awkward, these two dudes - one of whom can’t even drink tea - sat round the kitchen table making small talk. desmond starts talking about the all-ireland football. skul would be utterly clueless, except that he’s had valkyrie basically living with him for the last nine-odd years and she loves it, so he claims to support her team, and it’s enough to get a conversation going. 

the second time he comes round, he’s just got off the phone with val crying her heart out to him about killing alice, and he’s twenty minutes late because he wouldn’t hang up until he was 100% that she was asleep again. he’s kind of dejected and realises he’s pretty much got to lie to her parents, tell them she’s fine, when he knows she’s a fucking wreck and its his fault

and desmond gives him side-eye and asks him whether he’s ever been a father, and asks whether he knows just how difficult it is to parent a teenager, how headstrong they are, how they rely on the adults in their lives to give them boundaries and protect them (he doesn’t say ‘not to drag them into danger and encourage them to make the same mistakes we did’ but it’s definitely implied) and skul just sort of very quietly admits that no, he’s never parented a teenager. He was a parent. He’s not anymore.

I never took your place. I was never a parent to your daughter. I’d die - again - before I let anything happen to her. 

Gradually, they defrost a little towards him. I like to think skul actually finds kind of an unlikely friend in fergus, reluctantly on fergus’ end. he’s got nobody to talk to. nobody who understands his valkyrie problem right now, and he can’t talk about her to her parents. but fergus is her uncle, he’s known her all her life, and he can give insight where skul is missing things, and they end up bonding over their shared concern for this girl. fergus is also using this time to kind of. dig out this dude that he’s pretty sure his niece has Feelings for and might end up having a thing with sometime in the future. possibly a vague attempt is made to civilise skulduggery - “your uncle took me to play bridge this evening, it was rather bizarre” - and tbh, i’m very fond of the idea that one time skul sees fergus use magic and is just like, well actually if you do it this way it’s easier? and it’s nice for fergus to have someone for once in his life that he doesn’t have to hide his magic from. 

they’re not friends, like skul and gordon were friends. but they’re two people val can have at the same dinner party and leave unattended in the same room for an extended period of time, and she can come back to find the worst thing that happened is skul showing fergus that horrific photo of her eating a burger or telling her about the time he “watched her inhale an 18 inch pizza”. as opposed to like. her father or mother decking her partner in the face 

when val comes home, she finds skul’s facade has settled. melissa refuses to have magic around alice, and a dude whose face always changes every time he comes round is out of the question (and skul was kind of reluctant to mention that when he used to see alice with val, he never had a facade on in the first place). so skul took china a photo of val’s favourite facade - the attractive one from her birthday and was just like, you want to get back in my good books so do me a solid and so now alice knows him as this guy in his thirties who’s round semi-regularly and she’s not shy around him anymore. it was like, his concession to val’s parents, him trying to show that he’s willing to put in an effort and make sacrifices to get on with them if they’re willing to do the same. and over the last year or so, they’ve finally let him spend time with alice - never unsupervised, and he’s still not to be trusted, but if alice approaches skul melissa doesn’t snatch her away anymore.

and of course, skul plays it off as like, “of course your parents like me. i’m likeable. i’m a gem. everyone likes me” but val cringes when she thinks about how hard he must’ve tried to fix things with her parents and how much shit they probably gave him that should’ve been directed at her and he did all that for her and she swears she’s going to get them all getting along if it kills her

but in the meantime theyve made a start

[attachmentt]

a story I've never ever posted but fuck it credit me y’all if you ever use it lol

Nowhere was safe anymore.

She wasn't even safe.

Thousands upon thousands had been evacuated here , quarantined for their own safety. Mothers , Fathers , Sisters , Brothers.

In the end , it didn't save them.

Celebrities , Governors , Teachers. All dead. 

Dead within hours.

In total , it had been around four days since the virus was announced. Four days since she'd barricaded up her shop , three days since her and her Father had nailed dozens of wooden planks to the doors and windows , and two days since her entire family had been infected. Two days since her own mother had tried to pry her door open , snarling and screeching.  Two days since she 'd had to slam to door shut , jamming her mother's neck between the door and the frame.  Two days since she'd learned that by breaking the spinal cord of a zombie , it was the same as destroying the brain. Or as good as. 

She was lucky , she'd decided , that her Father and Sister had been out in the back garden when they'd turned. They hadn't boarded the back door because her Father had reasoned that if they needed to escape , the shed would hold them off , and that the large , concrete walls surrounding the garden would protect them. So far , they'd held up. But now the concrete walls were their prison , trapping them and forcing them to trudge around in circles restlessly. Restless, she mused , was a good word to describe zombies. The way they dragged themselves around aimlessly reminded her of when she was younger . When her Uncle would get drunk. He'd stumble around the front room and shout a lot. She hadn't seen her uncle in years. He lived far away, somewhere in the country. Sometimes she wondered about the rest of her family , did they make it? were they okay? but she never wondered for long , she was far too busy reinforcing her clothes and deliberating cutting her hair. Long hair was a death wish now , as far as she was concerned. 

She sighed , and wiped the grime off her bedroom window. Looking out onto the street , it was almost easy to believe that none of this had ever happened. It was easy to see bustling people ,  shopping for god knows what. Small children , giggling and smiling at their Mothers , whining babies throwing tantrums for no apparent reason. But it was far easier to see what was actually there. Dead , of all ages , genders and ethnic groups. Wandering along the main road , now , barren of cars. There was never anything or anyone to stand in their way , apart from the occasional lamp post , railing or open door. The general public hadn't even have a chance to stock up on food before the majority were infected , and once you were bitten , there was little hope of you surviving the night. Most of the evacuees were wiped out first. All it took was a single stray Bugger and the whole city was infected. The whole city except for her , that was. The Buggers were a specific type of zombie , the radio had said that they were what was left of the bitten children. Buggers were fast. Faster than a human. They could hear you , see you and sense you. As opposed to regular Walkers , who could only see and hear you. Buggers were the worst. Buggers were the next generation , of zombies and humans alike. There was no way to escape a bugger , at least , none that she'd seen. 

She'd been in her room when the stray Bugger entered Zone 14. She'd watched in a silent horror as it threw a young child to the ground and sunk its teeth into his neck. The child had screamed , and gagged and cried. Everyone had watched , frozen. They'd just stood there , like sitting ducks. Of course that was what they were , the Bugger wasn't finished yet. It lunged towards an old woman , and latched onto her arm. As she screamed and attempted to wrench her arm away ,the Bugger gave one final  pull , separating the arm from the lady entirely. A man by the name of Bryan had ran towards it , jabbing it repeatedly with a penknife. But to no avail , soon Bryan was infected too. Brown sludge dripped from the wounds , lumps of clot fell to the floor and the Bugger seemed to slow for a second.

People were screaming and running , children were left abandoned on the street , a group of elderly women were sat praying on a bench. All hope was lost , and soon , so was Zone 14.

She'd lived in Zone 14 since she was a toddler. It was a small sector , the kind of place where news got around fast and everybody knew everybody. Growing up in Zone 14 was comfortable , she'd had a supportive family and doting neighbors. But now , at the age of sixteen , Zaia Flegal was alone. Completely alone.  

She'd watched her best friend scream and convulse as the virus spread through her. She'd watched her collapse , and rot from the inside out , eventually spewing bile and blood all over her desk. Zaia couldn't even put an end to Eileen's misery , they had been video chatting at the time. Making plans to escape Zone 14 and search for a safezone. Only moments earlier the radio had announced that Zone 4 had been designated as a refuge , and that all remaining survivors should attempt to make their way to it. What Zaia knew that they had failed to mention , was that all bus and train services had been shut down , and the only mode of transportation available was your own two feet.

"What do you think they're going to do?" Eileen had asked , her charcoal skin contrasting with her thick white jacket. She was alert , leaning forward , waiting for Zaia to speak.

"I've no idea , Eileen. As far as we know , the government hasn't been effected yet. So , hopefully , we'll be able to do something about this mess." Zaia had sighed , and picked at one of the many spots dotting her forehead. Glancing at her reflection in her bedroom mirror , she'd noticed how different she looked. A week ago , her green eyes had been bright , now they were dull and tired. She was sure her nose had gotten bigger and her lips were lopsided as always. She was the complete opposite of Eileen. Eileen had voluminous , wild , curly black hair. Dark , exotic eyes and beautiful full lips. Whilst Zaia looked like all the girls at her school , Eileen stuck out like a sore thumb. Eileen was different , Zaia had liked that.

"I'm starting to wish everything would go back to how it was , I'd even deal with school for it to be that way, you feel?" Swigging from a flask and pulling her legs up onto her chair , Eileen had relaxed back in her chair.

"I feel" She had agreed simply , closing her eyes for the first time in what felt like days. Her head had ached and her back was moaning. She had needed sleep. She'd heard Eileen sigh and clear her throat. Suddenly , it had sounded like Eileen was choaking. Zaia's eyes had snapped open just in time to watch Eileen claw at her own throat , gagging , eventually drawing her own blood.

"Eileen! No!" She'd heard herself scream , as if from a distance.

Zaia had lunged towards her computer , searching desperately for a way to comfort her friend , but as Eileen screamed , and convulsed , her headset had slipped from her head crashing to the floor. Eileen couldn't hear her begging , her crying , her desperation. Zaia had no choice but to watch as her best friend sunk to the desk , as her skin had paled astonishingly. Eileen eventually vomited , discarding the contents of her stomach laced with brown blood. Her eyes were oozing tears and a foggy grey liquid , which dribbled down her face, taking her bold eyeliner down with it. Her lips were showing black vains , lacing together and interlocking like the gnarled branches of an elderly tree. Her best friend was dying. And all Zaia could do was watch. Eileen was slumped on her desk , and there was silence. For a moment Zaia thought she was really dead. But then Eileen's head had risen and Zaia knew her best friend was long gone. Eileen's eyes were bloodshot , and her pupils had clouded over to a pale , dirty brown. Eyeliner tears tracked down the sides of her face , and her lips had chapped and cracked. Her hair had died , no longer big and free , it had sobered into a tangled mess that caught in the microphone of her computer. And then Eileen's body did something that would haunt Zaia for months on end. Eileen clicked.

[mylifeasilivedit]

Catch Up With Me

Hello

Wow, it sure has been a long time hasn’t it? I think it’s been almost exactly two years since I last posted here. If anyone actually read what I wrote (which I HIGHLY doubt), I’m sure you’ve been very disappointed that my mind hasn’t been put into words in such a long time. For that, I apologize. I guess I should catch you up on my life. 

It’s currently summer 2018, im living with my parents again on the dawn of my junior year in college and to be honest, I can’t wait to get back to Flagstaff. Summer has bored me to tears and I miss my home. I just want to be around my people again, and learn more, even if that means I have to keep working at FUCKING TARGET. 

Yeah so anyways, its been two years. My freshman year was kind rough, I ended up getting back together with my ex-boyfriend and we had a not surprisingly rocky long-distance relationship. Whatever, I like playing with fire right? I cheered and roomed with my sort-of best friend from high school (We’ll call her B). As of current, both of those decisions have crashed and burned. B and I aren’t on speaking terms because she is a bitch, and I fucked my wrist up beyond repair so I had to retire from cheer. 

For the most part, I’m in a pretty good place. I did read through my last post about being so angry and cynical, and suffice to say some parts of me still feel that way. I continued to date my on-again off-again ex-boyfriend, and we even seperated for a six month hiatus before he wiggled his way back into my good graces. Honestly, he’d completely changed but so had I. 

I am no longer that soft, sweet girl I use to be. I am hardened, calloused, and so brash that a lot of things don’t get to me anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I have developed crippling anxiety that flares up during inconvenient times, but in terms of relationships and love, I am a rock. I don’t budge, and I’m pretty sure the last time I cried was MONTHS ago, so I’m grrrrrreat. 

I miss cheer, and I miss being young. (Yeah okay I only just turned 20, but I feel OLD) 

I still want to be a badass lawyer, and I’m currently killing the game. I took two of the hardest law classes to date, and I aced both of them. I don’t think I’ve ever been so proud of myself for persevering. I had to miss my brothers college graduation to take the crim final, and cried for hours over it. I guess the A makes it worth it, and I have to say: the validation is sweet. It makes me feel like I’m actually doing something right, and I’m on the right path. 

Okay, so I know I did a terrible job summing up the past two years, but thats all you really needed to know right? Otherwise I’m a pretty quiet, boring person. I do my own thing in my own way, and I’m happy about it. I guess...

My ex and I broke up again, but I wanna say this time it’s permanent. I know, smite me. But since our hiatus last year, we’ve been sort of together for the past couple months. He’s sweet, caring, kind, considerate, and everything I ever wished he’d be. But I can’t fall in love. I am too hard, and too scarred. I have felt myself completely close off and I can no longer offer my heart. 

Sometimes I get sad and wonder if i’ll ever be so deeply in love again. I want to be so badly, so smitten with someone. I want to wear my heart of my sleeve, but its just not with my ex, and I finally did something about it. Writing about it now is making me glum, and I’m already bummed enough as it is, so let’s talk about the positives in my life!

I’m writing a novel. 

I know! I can’t believe it either. I found a topic Idea I love, and I’ve been plotting it out. As of the past week I’ve been a little blocked, but I’m so in love with my idea i’m sure I’ll persevere eventually. It’s too good an idea not to write. I just hope I’m doing it justice. Maybe you can read it if it gets published. Far fetched dream, but hey, whats wrong with dreaming? I dream about being an author and a lawyer, and I’ll make it happen. 

In other good news, I’m flying to Minnesota in a little less than a month. I know what your thinking, EUCH what is in Minnesota? Well, family. My biological dad and I are going to see his parents since I haven’t seen them in like four years. They missed my HS graduation and I missed my brothers UNI graduation, so I guess they miss me? I’m still a little irked about them missing my HS graduation, but hey, they gave my a college fund and now are sponsering a trip for me to go see them, so I can’t complain too much. I think i’m most excited about see my Aunt Lisa. She went to law school! Did she graduate, UH NO she dropped out to marry my uncle, but she did the basics. She passed the LSAT and got into college, so I’m a little impressed. Anyway, she can help me, and I am open to any and all help in the law school department. 

I’m getting my wisdom teeth out in a couple weeks. I bet your thinking why this is good news, so let me explain. My wisdom teeth are impacted, so my jaw fucking kills (excuse my eloquent writing). I tried putting ice into a blending to make a slushie to aid my aching mandible, but it tasted like tap water so naturally I gagged. Anyway, I’m excited to get these suckers out of my head because they hurt. My mom did schedule the appointment for Friday the 13th, so odds are I’m not gonna wake up after surgery. Hopefully, thats not the case cause that would suck. Then you might never hear from me again, as opposed to only hearing from me every two years HA!

Overall, I’m okay. I’m bummed about being single, but also VERY excited for it. I mean, I’ve only ever had sex with one person. Who know what else is waiting for me out there! Kidding, I’m not looking for hookups, but meeting someone new and having that excited crush feeling is so appealing, I’m thrilled to be single. I need to be by myself, work on myself, and maybe stare at dreamy boys from a distance. Yeah, let’s go with that. 

Well I kind of said all of my thoughts, but for memory’s sake I’ll put a few of my current obsessions. Maybe the next time I write in two years I can look back and laugh at what I loved when I was twenty. 

Favorite Songs: Blossom by Milky Chance, Thor Ragnarok Immigrant Song, Suddenly I see by KT, and others I guess. 

I am completely obsessed with Tom Holland, like it’s really bad. Peter Parker died in infinity War but he’s got a second Spiderman movie coming out in the coming years, so I’m convinced he’ll come back. 

My dream of being a YouTuber is still strong, but I doubt anyone would wanna watch me, so I once again shelf that dream. 

I also have a new obsession with Tom Hiddleston? What is my obsession with british boys? This girl NEEDS to travel to the UK and fall in love with a british boy, like badly. 

Hey man, my name is korg. 

As stupid as all of the above sounded, it feels good to type a little. I need to do this more often, its nice to express some feelings. Maybe soon I’ll write more in depth posts about my feelings but for now, I’ll spare all of my non-existant readers. 

I was feeling a little upbeat on 27 June 2018 xx

[fyasummershowdown]

Exquisite Corpse: Prom, The Final Frontier

This year it was actually going to happen. This year I was finally going to conquer my fear and participate in something most of my friends thought was fun. I couldn’t begin to understand how something so anxiety inducing could be fun, but then again, they didn’t have my problems, so I guess it was understandable. The thought of it actually turned my stomach, but I didn’t have a choice. If I didn’t go to prom this year, I might end up dead. Literally.

For those of you who have already read the story and want to skip ahead to the CYOA endings:

•  If you’re looking for your mom to save you, read on for KCFYA's ending.

•  If you’re interested in seeing Maria use the emotion extractor to full effect, read on for LONFYA's ending.

Everyone else, read on…

avlfya:

The reason I’m so opposed to prom dates back many years ago in my preadolescence. By now, living in this small town for so long has really started to get to me. It feels like the world is caving in on itself, and the bubble is about to burst. Prom is only one of the ridiculous traditions that is of the highest importance here, and my group of friends, though not exactly the most popular crew, fully expected each of us to pair off and attend the social function together. Well, at least I didn’t have to worry about finding a date.

cifya:

At least, that’s what I thought. My date-to-be, Cam, came down with the chicken pox three days before the dance, so he’ll be staying at home on Saturday night with oven mitts taped to his hands. (Side note: Who in the hell gets chicken pox at age seventeen??) Naturally, the town crier sent up the alarm: “HEAR YE, HEAR YE! MARIA ESPOSITO SEEKS HER PRINCE CHARMING FOR THE BALL!” 

At least that’s what happened in my head. In reality, the town crier was my best friend Emily posting a message on Facebook that sounded a little too much like a Craigslist Casual Encounters ad. I begged her not to click “Post,” not to destroy what dignity I had left, but as with all best friends, there was no convincing her otherwise. But to my amazement, it worked. Within minutes, I had a new prom date. If only I had known that it was Tony de Luca, son of Italian mob boss, Dominic de Luca.

@cltfya you’re up!

cltfya:

With a name like Tony de Luca you’d think he would have booked a date before Christmas. But if you think that, you’ve never met Tony. He should look like a young Robert de Niro, but unfortunately that’s not the case. Not only was he the founding member of the Sunnyvale High School Dungeon and Dragons club, Tony had never outgrown his awkward puberty phase. Every day he wore one of 4 different Game of Thrones t-shirts and the same pair of pants. Though he had a decent head of curly, dark hair, he unfortunately sported a face like a pizza. On top of that, he never sprouted above 5"4’. That might not be so bad if I wasn’t 5"11’ and the tallest girl in my class. I guess I need to go shopping for flats this afternoon. 

I gulped down my weary disappointment and said to myself, “Don’t be superficial. Beauty is on the inside. This guy could be a charmer with personality for days - don’t be so quick to judge. What’s the worst thing that could happen, Maria?”

@fyadallas you’re up!

fyadallas:

While I was at the mall shopping for flats (Side note: Have you ever found a pair of prom-worthy flats? Because what passes for a mall in this one-horse town didn’t have one. single. pair that were remotely okay, and I had to settle for basic black ballerina flats. SO BORING.), I realized what I had to do.

In all honesty, I’ve watched enough teen romantic comedies that it shouldn’t have taken me so long to figure out the answer. What we needed was a makeover montage. You know the kind where the homely girl’s friends put her in a dress, some makeup, and take off her glasses, and suddenly she’s the hottest ticket in town? Everyone realizes what a great person she was now that she wasn’t completely overlook-able? Yes, that should solve my problem nicely.

Except the makeover wouldn’t be for me. It would be for Tony de Luca. Would a tux and a haircut fix his problems? Would I have to fight of tons off girls once we got to the prom?

More importantly, would the mob put out a hit on me if I put some concealer on his zits?

@kcfya, show us where this leads!

kcfya:

It was surprisingly easy to talk Tony into going to the mall with me the Saturday morning of Prom. I thought there’d be more bribing involved, but Tony seemed genuinely excited. Apparently, he didn’t get out of the house much. 

I’d managed to book us the last spot open at Glam-o-Rama, which of course was the 8am slot. Armed with enough coffee to wake a hibernating bear, which I’m sure I resembled in my lazily tossed up hair and last nights make up still smudged under my eyes, the morning surprisingly went fairly smooth. As I paid for a new deep red shade of lipstick called Nosferatu, Tony came sauntering out of Glam-o-Rama looking like…well…there was only so much a mall makeover could do for a guy. Still, it was an improvement, and with a pair of lifts borrowed from my uncle Sal, he was reasonable close to my height.

At least we won’t be a laughing stock, I thought to myself. Aloud I said, “Looking good Tony.”

A sheepish grin fit on his face. He didn’t look half bad when he smiled. He rubbed a hand on his cheek. “I don’t know how I’m going to keep this on all day.” I reached over and pulled his hand away from his face. “By not rubbing it off. That’d be a good start.”

We walked down the escalator and through the double doors that led to the darkened parking garage. Even at 10am, the garage was still full of cars left over from the night before when the only night club in town, Lightening Blue, had its usual Friday night half-priced drinks special for the ladies. You just have to make it ten more hours, I told myself. What could go wrong in ten hours? I quickly found the answer to that question as we approached my car and the sound of a gunshot echoed through the parking garage.

Take it away @kcmofya

kcmofya:

I grabbed Tony and ducked behind the nearest car, a hulking SUV.

“What was tha—”

“Quiet!” I shushed him as we heard voices moving steadily closer to our hiding spot. I crouched further in the shadows of the SUV, my heart pounding. I was suddenly very grateful that the green living movement hadn’t made its way to Sunnyvale yet. Tony stuck his head around the side of the SUV before I could stop him.

“What the hell are you doing?  They’ll see us!” I hissed at him.

“It’s…” he leaned farther forward. “It’s my Uncle Vito and some other guy. I can’t see his face. They’re dragging something behind them. Something big.”

“Probably the body of whoever they just shot! And if they see us, we’re next!”

“Come on. It’s my uncle. He wouldn’t shoot anyone. I’ll just ask him what’s going on.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re going to just stroll out there and ask a murderer what’s up?” For the son of a mob boss, this kid was pretty clueless. Or pretty brave.

“He’s not a murderer.”

“We heard a gunshot and he’s dragging what’s obviously a body!”  

As we argued over what to do, the two men and whatever they were dragging (A body. It had to be a body, right?) hopped in a car a few rows down and took off. Tony and I crawled out of our hiding spot and ran over to my car.

“We have to call the police! Where is my phone?” I scrambled through my purse. My hands were shaking and I could feel myself sweating right through the make-up I’d just spent the last of my paycheck on. So much for my cat-eye and subtle glow. I was glowing like a pig now.

“Maria, wait. We can’t call the police. Let me call my dad first, okay?”

He pulled out his phone, while I tried to calm myself down. So my prom date is the son of a mob boss and we just witnessed him probably murdering someone. No big deal right?  It’ll be fine. Everything’s fine. Deep breaths.

‘Hey, uh, Maria? My dad wants to talk to you.”

Me? Why does he want to talk to me?!

@lonfya it’s all you!

lonfya:

“Miss Esposito, I trust you and my son are getting along?” Dominic de Luca’s voice was nothing like my expectations. He sounded more like a man accustomed discussing the merits of expensive wines than one suspected of drowning his rivals in buckets of the cheap stuff. Though I’d hoped I’d never have to play this game, I knew the rules: Show respect. Stick to the facts.

“Yes Sir, Mr de Luca.” 

“Good. I’m not going to waste time pretending you don’t understand what’s going on. The original terms of the agreement with your family state that any involvement in our interests would be cause for immediate and…rather final discussions. However, on this one occasion I am willing to overlook your participation. Provided you do something for me.”

Tony had climbed into the front seat and had adjusted the rear-view mirror to get another look at his made-up face, the unblemished skin apparently more interesting than gunshots, a body, and his family’s involvement. I crossed pretty brave off the list of possibilities. “Let me Guess. Keep Tony out of it?”

“Correct. My son isn’t yet aware of what the family business entails. You will do whatever is necessary to keep it that way. In return, I will ensure your involvement remains a secret. Do we have an understanding?”

“Yes Sir, Mr de Luca.”

“Good. Have a nice time at prom. Such a magical evening.”

The line went dead. For years I’d lived with worst-case scenarios in my head. Threats, violence, danger. I’d run through every possible variation. Or so I thought. Protecting the oblivious son of the second most powerful mobster in the country on prom night had somehow never factored into my planning. The way I saw it, there were only two choices.

@lrfya tell us what happens next!

lrfya:

I could keep my mouth shut and have an okay time with Tony at the prom. Or I could do what I’ve trained my entire life to do.

Because the gun shot, Uncle Vito, and the body he dragged out of here? They were all adding up in my head. Someone had been following us, and they’d been taken down by Vito. I knew there was no way in hell that Carlo Esposito, my father and the most powerful mobster in the country, would let me go to prom with Dominic De Luca’s son without sending someone from his security detail to tail me.

And I knew who that someone would be.

Joseph Lucas started working for my dad when he was 12 and I was 10. His dad had been my father’s most dedicated employee until he was killed in a stand off against the De Lucas seven years ago, so Joey’d been around most of my life. He was always such a nightmare–burping in my face and yanking my ponytail. I think my dad felt sorry for him, so once he got old enough, Dad would send him on harmless little errands in exchange for pocket money. When he got older, Joey started boxing with some of the other guys, learning tricks of the trade. And since we were in high school together, Dad eventually hired him to be my own personal security detail.

Emily was the only person who knew why Joey was always hanging around, always in the background, never saying much. My other friends assumed he had a huge crush on me, and couldn’t understand why I didn’t like him back. “He’s so hot,” they’d say. “And cut. And mysterious and brooding.”

Which, objectively, yeah, sure, whatever. But I’d always resented Joey’s presence, even when my dad wanted him all up in my business and Joey kept his distance anyway. Even when we’d spar at the gym and he’d take his shirt off. Even when he was hanging around the house eating my food, and watching my TV and grinning his stupid charming grin.

I resented Joey because I didn’t need a bodyguard. And I don’t mean I didn’t need a bodyguard because I was unsafe. I didn’t need a bodyguard because I could take care of myself.

My dad didn’t trust anyone — not even Joey — to completely leave me in their hands. I’d been trained in Krav Maga, knife-throwing, and three different types of mixed martial arts, all by private trainers from a very young age. I could shoot a gun better than any of my dad’s employees. I knew how to untie 36 different kinds of knots, blindfolded with my hands tied behind my back. And I could track like a hunter.

Dominic wouldn’t have killed Joey outright. He’s too valuable, has too much intel. They most likely wounded him and are keeping him somewhere…Dominic owned commercial property — a bunch of rundown warehouses on the east side of town. It was a starting point, at least.

I buckled my seat belt and turned to Tony. “I have an errand to run. And I’m going to warn you, it’s probably not how you’d like to spend your Saturday. So I’m giving you the opportunity to get out now.”

Tony looked confused. “Get out? We’re in a parking garage! I need a ride home. I’m not getting out.”

I turned the ignition. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” As we pulled up to the street, I stopped. Left? Or right? Look for details…Vito would’ve been in a hurry…a big hurry.

I let out a snort when I saw it. “Let me guess. Your Uncle Vito drives a big, black Cadillac Escalade?”

Tony’s brow wrinkled. “Yeah, why?”

I pointed at the black marks freshly smeared across the road…headed east. “I know those tires. It’s like the official car of mobsters everywhere.” I took a deep breath. I had ten hours to find Uncle Vito, get Joey back without being seen, and get to the prom. And somehow keep Tony from figuring out what I was doing. And if I failed? Dominic would probably kill me.

I threw my car to the right and slammed on the gas. “Hold on tight, Tony.”

@fyaorlandonorth y’all take it from here!

fyaorlandonorth:

We drove in silence for half an hour until Tony finally broke it by asking, “Where are we going, Maria?”

I sucked on my lip and glanced over at him. “Your uncle, uh…he took something of mine. I need to get it back.”

Tony turned towards the window so I couldn’t see his face. “You know, I’m not as clueless as you think I am,” he said, continuing darkly. “Or my father thinks I am.”

My eyebrows lifted in surprise. “So you know about—”

“The family business? Your family business?” He cut in. “Enough. So why don’t you just tell me what is really going on?”

In the distance I can see a collection of warehouses near the water, where I’m hoping that Uncle Vito is holding Joey. We’re approaching a small dirt road that seems to meander towards the far end of the buildings, so I hit my blinker and hang a left, coming to a stop just after the turn off. Tony turns to me with a questioning look.

“Alright, I’m just going to lay it all out here. We don’t have time to mess around and I’m done being cautious.” I take a deep breath. “Our dads are some of the biggest Mafia bosses in town. They deal in drugs, but not it’s not the kind you might think.” I feel the words crowding in my mouth, impatient to get out. “There are ways to harness the energy of a large group of people and distill it into an extremely potent yet non-addictive elixir. One drop is better than any high you could imagine, and it lasts for hours. Love, happiness, fear, pain; you name it, they’ve got an elixir for it.”

Tony’s mouth was hanging open, but to his credit, he wasn’t freaking out. “So they…harness the emotions of a crowd?” he asked.

I nodded. “For certain events—like prom, for example—where emotions are heightened, hormones are running wild. Can you imagine the euphoria you would experience if someone put all that energy into a concentrated potion?

“The take is so big that our families will put aside their differences once a year just so we can both get a cut.” I sighed. “I’d finally convinced my dad to put me in charge of making sure things on our end went off without a hitch, but nowyour Uncle Vito has stolen my bodyguard and I need to know why, because from over here, it looks like your dad is planning to turn on us. And if this happens on my watch, I’m going to have to keep a close eye on both sides to make sure my head stays with my body.”

“What you’re saying sounds insane,” Tony said. “But I also feel like it all makes perfect sense.” He squeezed the armrest and swallowed what seemed like a dozen times before giving me a determined nod. “So then let’s go find out what Uncle Vito is up to.”

Run with it, @pghfya!

pghfya:

On the way to Uncle Vito’s lair, I decided on a last minute detour to Taco Bell.  Hey, a girl can get hungry during a Mob chase, and also there was somethingnot on the menu that needed ordering.

“Welcome to Taco Bell, may I take your order?” the speaker blared at me.

“Yeah, can I have a Quesadilla with extra pickles?”

“And a Crunchwrap Supreme!” Tony yells before I can tell him that this isn’t a regular order.

When I pull to the window they hand me a brown paper bag. And then they give me a small plastic one with Tony’s Crunchwrap. I throw over the Crunchwrap and pull away from the window without paying. They know where to get the money for this order.

“I can’t believe you ordered pickles on your quesadilla! That’s so gross. Also, why do they have pickles at a Taco Bell?  This day cannot get weirder!” Tony says around a mouthful of Mexican food.

“I 100% bet that it can.”

I pull into a parking spot and unroll the bag. I’ve never actually had to place this order before, and now that I have, I’m beginning to realize that shit is serious. I look at the Emojiicon Extractor 3000 sitting at the bottom of the bag, take a deep breath and reverse the car. This is going to be one hell of a ride.

When I pull into Vito’s hideout, I notice two things:

There are cows (dairy cows as Tony points out)

Sitting in the field behind the cows is a large, round, silver aircraft of some sort.  If I didn’t know any better, I would say it looks like an alien ship.

“Dude, there are ALIENS here,” Tony says. Well then. I guess I don’t know better.

@fyavanwa What’s next??

fyavanwa:

We quickly fall to a crouch behind a large bale of hay, not ideal for cover, but it’ll do for now. I turn to see what Tony is looking at and promptly whack him upside the head with my empty hand. “Haven’t you ever seen a person in a hazmat suite before!? I thought you were supposed to be some kind of geeky kid, haven’t you ever seen a sci fi flick?” I say in a whisper-yell kind of way.

He gives me a droll look and rubs the back of his head, “It’s a common misconception that to be geeky, one needs to be a sci fi fanatic. I prefer fantasy, like Game of Thrones or DnD. Basically, any kind of RPG or anything really, involving the possibly of dragons.”

“DnD? RPG? Do you only speak in acronyms?”

“Dungeons and Dragons is a type of RPG or Role-Playing Game. But I feel like aliens in general are a big part of science fiction so my original observation wouldn’t be so far outside the realm of possibilities, using your logic of….”

“Shut up…”

I interrupt him, because suddenly I see Vito and the mysterious faced person carrying a slumped over Joey-shaped-lump between them. They are about ten paces ahead of our position and are completely engrossed in watching the hazmat suited people loading large boxes into the round aircraft.

I lean in close to Tony, “So here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to go take those guys out nice and quiet like. You follow close behind me and catch Joey before he falls and makes a big clattering noise, then we silently take him back to the car and get the hell out of here. You got it?”

“I’m not going to let you kill my Uncle” and for a second I think I see some menace behind his painted face.

“Relax, I’m not going to kill anybody. I can set this emotion extractor in such a way that it will only knock a person out for a short time. Just enough for us to get Joey and book it out of here.”

To his credit, Tony doesn’t ask questions like, “How?” or “Why?” or “What will happen if they catch us?” He just nods his head in grudging trust and acceptance. I engage the Emojiicon Extractor, make sure it’s set right, and with a here-we-go nod to Tony, I spring into action…

•  If you’re looking for your mom to save you, read on for KCFYA's ending.

•  If you’re interested in seeing Maria use the emotion extractor to full effect, read on for LONFYA's ending.