#ask me anything about commitment. ASK ME ANYTHING ABOUT FAITH. ABOUT LOYALTY TO A CAUSE. ABOUT TRUTHING

[bb-eb-db-bb-eb-b-ab-f-b-ab]

FOR SIX LONG YEARS I HAVE WAITED FOR THIS CONFIRMATION

I NEVER STOPPED BELIEVING

[cosmicjoke]

I'm going to pin this post, because I want everyone to see it.

Do not, I repeat, do not ask me any more questions regarding whether or not Levi only cared about Erwin or was only fighting for Erwin, or only cared about his promise to Erwin, etc... I cannot even tell you how many times I've answered some variation of this same question, over and over and over. I'm sick of it. I can't tell you anything that you shouldn't be able to glean from simply reading the manga or watching the anime yourself.

I also can't emphasize enough that you shouldn't care or consider anything outside of canon, that includes interview answers given by Hajime Isayama. Interviews don't indicate or prove anything, as they're always answers given on the spot, and often don't accurately reflect what the author actually thinks or feels, or intends. Very often, an author can't give a fully fleshed out or accurate reply to any given question because it would spoil what they have planned, or they simply don't have it worked out yet, what they're planning. You can probably guess what I'm referring to specifically, that being Isayama saying Levi felt he had "fulfilled his duty" by being there with Erwin at the end, and this post is spurred on by the latest anonymous ask I've received. Apologies to the person who sent that ask. You seemed very polite and sincere, but I refuse to engage in this conversation again.

I don't even understand why people are so fixated on this question. Why are people so upset by some offhand answer Isayama once gave to a vague, open ended question asked years before he actually concluded the manga? Years before he knew at all what Levi's fate would even be? Why do people need constant reassurance that Levi actually cared about and was fighting for humanity when the answer is plain to see within the canon, with numerous, countless examples of such? Do they have such little faith in his character? Do they feel that insecure in their admiration of him? Because a bunch of idiot haters online constantly try to use an instant of deep compassion and humanity from Levi toward one of his friends as some sort of proof that he "doesn't care about humanity"?

I'm going to give an answer here to this question so that anyone who wants to ask me about this, again, (even though if you just scroll through my blog and search the right tags, you can no doubt find any of the dozens of posts I've made regarding this particular question), you'll have your answer, right there at the top. So please, don't send me any more asks regarding this. I'm always happy to discuss Levi and his character, and the various events involving him in canon, but not if it's just going to be people questioning again and again Levi's commitment to the Survey Corps cause, when he gave his whole life, and lost everything for it.

So here you are.

Regarding what Isayama said about Levi feeling as if he'd "fulfilled his duty" by being there with Erwin at the end, that could literally have meant anything. It doesn't remotely prove, one way or the other, how committed Levi was to saving humanity, or that Levi only cared about Erwin and nothing about saving humanity. It proves nothing but that Levi felt a fierce loyalty toward Erwin, and that he felt duty bond to him like any good soldier would their commanding officer. Levi was Erwin's right hand man. He was his most trusted confidant and friend. The man Erwin looked to for support and advice and strength. The man Erwin relied on to keep him in touch with his own humanity. By saying Levi felt he had "fulfilled his duty" or his "role" by being with Erwin at the end, all that says to me is that Levi felt he had served Erwin admirably and with honor. He stayed with his commanding officer and friend right up to the very moment of his death. He never abandoned him, or lost faith in him, despite Erwin's own admissions of weakness and self-doubt. Levi fulfilled his duty to Erwin specifically because he never left his side or stopped believing in and following him as a trusted leader, and he did right by Erwin, repaid Erwin for being that leader to him, by letting him rest.

So, let's get into why it's absurd to question whether this meant Levi only cared about that duty toward Erwin and didn't give a rats ass about humanity. I could write a hundred pages on this, there's that much evidence to the contrary.

Levi's reaction when Erwin admits to him that he cares more about finding out what's in Eren's basement than about saving humanity. Levi is horrified, and shocked, and feels a deep sense of betrayal and hurt at this revelation. He's distraught that the man he put his faith in to lead humanity to freedom and salvation has just admitted to him that he doesn't care as much about that as he does finding out what's in Eren's basement. Now, why the hell would Levi be so horrified and hurt by this revelation, if he himself didn't care about humanity, and only about serving Erwin? The answer is, he wouldn't. He wouldn't have given a shit what Erwin was fighting for if all he cared about was serving Erwin and being Erwin's loyal dog, like these idiot haters claim. He would have just shrugged and said "Okay, what next then, boss?". But, instead, he fell into a state of angry depression, gave up on trying to convince Erwin to stay behind (something he was trying to do in the first place because he believed humanity would be fucked without Erwin's guidance), felt so enraged and upset that he kicked the shit out of Eren and Jean for acting like undisciplined idiots, and went off to sit, isolated and alone, and questioning everything he'd been doing up to that point. He believed in Erwin so much in the first place because he genuinely believed Erwin was an altruistic, selfless, visionary leader who took on the great burden of leading the Survey Corps in order to save humanity. He admired Erwin for his dedication and commitment to that cause, for his ability to put aside personal feelings to do his duty, and for his great insight and intelligence and hope for a future for humanity. And he was so upset after Erwin's admission because that admission shattered that trust and belief in Erwin, and made Levi question whether he himself had made the right decision in following him. That doesn't sound like the reaction or behavior of someone who's just blindly loyal to or in love with Erwin and only cares about where he goes and what he does. Again, canon in your friend. Defer to canon.

Another point. Levi continues to serve in and fight for the Survey Corps, years after Erwin's death. If Levi really felt he had "fulfilled his duty" by being with Erwin in his last moments, and that he had nothing else to contribute or provide, then he would have simply quit the SC. But he didn't. He stayed, and continued to participate in and contribute in any way he could to their cause. He continued to fight for humanity, as the SC has always done. He continued to fight for the dream that every member that had died believed in, for them. People mistake Isayama's comment about Levi feeling directionless after Erwin's death as him meaning Levi didn't care about humanity, (which, I still don't know how you extrapolate that from his comment, but whatever), but that just shows a lack of understanding Levi's relationship with Erwin to begin with. Levi relied on Erwin to be his guiding light. He trusted in and relied on Erwin to use him to further the cause for humanity. Levi let Erwin choose how to deploy his abilities and strength, he followed Erwin's orders, because he considered Erwin infinitely more qualified than himself to determine these things. He believed in Erwin as a leader. He trusted in Erwin's judgment, in Erwin's ability to make the right choice, even if Levi himself couldn't understand or see where he was coming from at first. When Erwin died, Levi lost that guide. He lost Erwin's judgement. He lost Erwin's vision. When Isayama says Levi felt "directionless", he means Levi didn't know how he himself could contribute as effectively to the SC cause anymore, because he didn't have Erwin there to tell him how. Erwin always told Levi what to do, and Levi followed, because he trusted in Erwin's ability to see what he couldn't. But it was always, ALWAYS to serve humanity. Not to serve Erwin, but to serve the cause of humanities salvation. Without Erwin, it wasn't that Levi no longer cared about saving humanity, it was only that Levi no longer felt he had the person who could point him in the right direction and tell him what to do to attain that goal. He was on his own for the first time in this fight, and he didn't know what he could do now to advance it. He didn't know what role he could play. Again, it's not that he didn't care about humanity, or no longer cared about fighting for humanity. It's that he simply didn't know what role he was meant to play anymore in that cause. But even with that uncertainty and doubt, he kept fighting. He kept trying to do what he could. That isn't the action of a man who doesn't care about the cause. Someone who doesn't care wouldn't have kept in the fight the way Levi did. It's why he never quit fighting, even when he was half-dead from getting caught in a thunderspear explosion. Why he refused to run away, even when he was barely alive. That's also why I think it's absurd when people say Levi's choice to let Erwin die was "selfish", because Levi gave up his own feeling of placement in the world by doing so. He gave up his own comfort, his own sureness, his own sense of direction. He took on a massive burden when he let Erwin die, and he did it for Erwin's sake, because it was the humane, compassionate thing to do. That's the opposite of selfish. It's mind-blowingly selfless.

And lastly, Levi keeps fighting, even after he fulfills the vow to Erwin and his other comrades. If all Levi cared about was fulfilling the vow he made to Erwin, the vow to kill Zeke so that he could give meaning to the sacrifices of his comrades that day in Shinganshina, then he would have simply laid down afterward and done nothing to help the alliance win. But, he didn't do that. Even when Levi felt convinced that he wasn't going to be able to kill Zeke, he kept fighting in any way he could and trying to lead the alliance to victory. He came up with plans of action, he gave orders and directions to his comrades, he risked his life and nearly died to save both Jean's and Connie's lives, he helped Gabi to take out different targets with her gun, and finally, after killing Zeke, he rallied Mikasa and Pieck to not give into their grief at what was happening, and urged Mikasa on to deliver the final blow to Eren to finally end the whole damn thing. Without Levi, in that moment, Mikasa very likely could have given into despair and given up. Levi wouldn't let her. Those aren't the actions of a man who doesn't care.

Levi's inner monologue, about not regretting letting Erwin die and choosing Armin is further proof of how much he cares about the cause. He talks about Armin having the same light in his eyes as everyone else, before cynicism and doubt crept in from seeing too much horror. He talks about what they all fought for, whether it was to see people's lives trampled and their freedom stolen, or for a ridiculously idealistic world, and concludes it was for the latter, because that's the ONLY THING that would have made their sacrifices worth it. Again, these aren't the thoughts and feelings of someone who doesn't care about humanity. If all Levi cared about was Erwin and serving Erwin and fulfilling his vow to Erwin, he wouldn't have been thinking about any of those things at that point. He wouldn't have cared what his fallen comrades lost their lives for. It wouldn't have been a question at all in his mind. But instead it's the centerpiece of Levi's character in the final arc.

And then, Levi's salute to his fallen comrades in the end, and the first and only time we see him cry, because what they fought for has finally been achieved. A world without titans, and thus, a world where they could be free. Levi salutes them and cries because it meant that much to him, fulfilling the goal they all fought for, ensuring they didn't die in vain. Again, that isn't the reaction of a man who didn't care about the fight for humanity.

I really don't know what else to say. Again, canon in your friend. Levi's actions speak louder than any words. If you're having some sort of doubt as to how committed Levi was to the cause for humanity because of a bunch of brainless bleating from online haters, then simply do yourself a favor and go back and read the manga or watch the anime, and all your fears will be assuaged.

And that's all I'm going to say on this particular subject. If you want to know my thoughts, well, here you are. I hope it's an extensive and thorough enough answer, because it's the only one you're going to be getting from now on. If not, just go back through my blog and search, because I've talked about this innumerable times before as well.

[hxdrostorms]

Anonymous has sent: To all Saint Seiya muses: Why are you loyal to Athena? How loyal are you to her? Are you only loyal because she is a goddess? What if Athena were to lose all her divinity and cosmos and become a normal human, will you still serve her as your goddess? (Only asking out of curiosity haha, in Lost Canvas, there was a moment when Sasha lost all her divinity and cosmos and became a normal human but she was still determined to fight Hades and the saints were still very loyal to her)

Unprompted ask

From least committed to her -> The most loyal saints

"Well, my answer to this will be brief. My brother is the one who has sworn his life to her, whereas I've pledged my soul to serving Poseidon. Despite that, I knew very well I had to redeem myself to her somehow. So, that's why I served her army. It was the very least I could do for all the trouble I caused, and for the fact she spared my life all those years ago... Do you get where I'm going with this? If Athena ever lost her powers then, I wouldn't have anymore reasons to stand beside her and the Saints. If anything, Hades wouldn't be the only thing she would have to be worried about."

"Listen, if she lost her divinity and powers then we uh...... We would all be dead. I don't think it would make any difference if I still were standing, or not. I'm loyal to her but, I'm also realistic. I wouldn't stand around, waving my arms, and pretend like everything would be sunshine and rainbows."

"I won't lie, I have questioned myself on that matter a handful of times, over the years. But I always felt stumped whenever I got to the question: Would I be able to just walk away? Where else would I go? Those questions are very easy to shut me up, and make me push forward. The idea of Athena's reincarnation somehow returning to being just a common human is... Scary. And it might even be infuriating, given all the sacrifices we had to do, in order to be recognized as saints... I would keep fighting however, she no longer would be the main driving force. She isn't the only person, I want to protect and fight for."

"That could be a problem, a serious one even. It could even bring down the army's morale... I wouldn't go anywhere, and I would still keep fighting despite all the odds. Perhaps, if I were younger, I would likely question my commitment to the cause and my faith in her. But, as I keep saying it: I'm no longer the same person I once was. I have had my awakening, and remembered the real purpose of my life. Which is serving Athena, and that's final."

"My master has taught me very well this lesson. Life has also served as further proof of it. Don't forget! I had first-hand experiences and even witnessed, the miracles Athena and her saints have pulled off. I may have been just a kid back then but, that changed everything for me. Especially, when she bestowed upon my fathers a new life. I know very well my role and the importance of never losing faith, in her."

"What kind of questions are those? Do you think I would ever develop any form of doubts, in regards to my loyalty to Athena? Although I have once been on the wrong side of the story. That's now long in the past. My raw power should be seen as the biggest evidence of my loyalty and desire, to serve her. Even if she somehow loses her divinity, Athena's reincarnation is still our Goddess on Earth."

"Because there is no other option. As part of our rite of passage to wield the Gold cloths, we must procclaim our vows of serving Athena. Not even Death could possibly prevent me, from fighting for her."

[minarcana]

sorry for all the ooc, things are wrong with me. anyways i was in prae for the umpteenth time and every time im there all i can picture is the gaius that lives in my brain being forced to go through prae and its him with his head in his hands like "please. dont. dont make me remember being Like This"

im going to talk about gaius, sorry

(caveat: i have a better werlyt in my brain.)

his arc is that he went from a True Believer to "ah. these are people.". me forcing him to live thru prae era again is the cringe punishment cube.

a clarification to werlyt arc rewrite: yeah he did war crimes and he did them on purpose. he was aware they were war crimes. he knew that other legions did bad things, though he consistently underestimated the amount and cruelty of human experimentation going on. he knew other legions tended to treat eorzeans as lesser

however he really did believe in Something. he believed varis's propaganda and that varis was a benevolent leader, that it wasnt just primals but eorzea's belief in gods in general that were killing their own land bc he cant tell the difference between a primal and a god. he was fully committed to "these people are savages and heres some fuckin, fantasy version of the white mans burden" which is obviously incredibly wrong and fucked but yknow, it fuels the war machine. he was a soldier who never even thought to ask questions.

all he did was believe wholeheartedly in the propaganda fed to him and therefore rationalize "torching this entire country is fine, right". cannot stress enough i am not excusing the war crimes. im just making him a consistent character with a mildly rational arc. he super did those war crimes and did them on purpose. but he also did protect the war orphans his own war caused and had no issue whatsoever letting eorzeans who wanted to join the army to protect themselves do so. equality of opportunity providing you pledged fealty to garlemald, bc being of garlemald's population made you Better and Not A Savage and therein lies the line of who it's fine to kill if they fight back and who can be treated with respect.

unfortunately, ascians. gaius got his ass handed to him and the result is [nervous laughter] oh shit the army is super not infalliable and always right and very capable of and prone to wanton destruction instead of targeted attacks specifically to claim territory, hence the depression arc. he's pissed at ascians and wants to die. two birds one stone, hunt ascians till one of them kills him. meet people who want him dead and yknow theyve got a fucking point.

though he did still believe in the last vestige of "maybe things arent completely fucked and i didnt spend my entire life believing in utter bullshit lies?" that varis was a Good Emperor and Capable Of/Genuinely Interested In Ensuring Protection Of Garleans until the black rose incident. he still had a weird loyalty towards him that maybe he could get varis to like. not enact biological warfare against his own men. if he were just able to talk to him. but twas not to be and gaius essentially just [throws hands into air] OKAY! FINE! FUCK ME I GUESS!

hed already entirely lost faith that anything in garlemald's extant ruling structure could be salvaged while they still tried to wage war, weapon series just brought into light how deeply rotten the army had been the entire time when gaius had turned a blind eye to any operations that weren't his own.

if he met himself from his prae monologue now he'd strangle one of himself he doesnt care which one just free him from whatever this is hed Rather Die

the only thing im keeping him actually genuinely 100% totally unaware of from werlyt is the weird Thing livia had for him. shes out there hollering HIS BODY IS MINE as gaius is like "[completely out of earshot every time she does that] haha livia shes like a relative of mine i guess" and thats because i think its very funny.

on a SECOND DIGRESSION ABOUT PRAETORIUM

like. look. garleans cant use aether. i desperately want the explanation for how the fuck this man is pulling shadow clones out of his ass when he repels magic. i choose to believe the X beams are either ceruleum fire or aether cartridges charged by someone else but this cannot explain fuckin naruto shadow clone jutsu going on. what the fuck, gaius.

[nymeianthreads]

4. What is their size and build? How does it influence how they use their body, if it does? & 14. What do they care deeply about? What kind of loyalties, commitments, moral codes, life philosophies, passions, callings, or spirituality and faith do they have? How do these tend to be expressed? / for l'chai !!

18. What kind of person could they become in the future? What are some developmental paths that they could take (best, worst, most likely)? What would cause them to come to pass, and what consequences might they have? What paths would you especially like to see, and why? & 31. Is there anything that counts as a “dealbreaker” for them, positively or negatively? What makes things go smoothly, and what spoils an activity or ruins their day? Why? / for arabuccha !!

putting this under a cut because wow sorry some of these answers got AWAY from me lol........................anyway thank u so much for asking and letting me yap!! you chose rly good questions for both of them...................

for l'chai!

4. what is his size and build? how does it influence how they use their body, if it does?: l'chai's build is fairly average. he still has some muscle leftover from when he spent more time actively questing, and baking unironically takes a lot of strength as well, but he's softened a lot over the years. on top of that. he likes to keep mostly in shape just in the case of emergencies, but at the moment he's found his peace in rolling and munching cinnamon buns LOL. he's fairly tall for a mi'qote, just like his twin sister.

14. what do they care deeply about? what kind of loyalties/commitments/moral codes/life philosiphies/callings/spriitualities/faiths to they have? how do they tend to be expressed?: this is probably going to get very long so bear with me!!! i've thought a LOT about this with chai over the years, it's a lot of the driving force behind my motivations for him as a character! first of all, most simply, l'chai is fiercely loyal. to a fault. for brief context i'll introduce some basic lore and his twin sister as well, sahja jawaal. they were separated in their youth by a forest fire in the shroud, a case of angry elementals. in their separation, she becomes the warrior of light. he finds her in ishgard, because he's a well-renowned fortune teller. specifically, he was taken in by an elder of his little clan or whatever they're called i'm blanking rn, l'kahmuli. she saw his potential for divinatory magics and basically raised her himself, teaching him a localized tradition of divination and spirituality. he's really good! and he knows damn well his sister isn't dead. still kinda fucks him up, but it's a subgoal of his to find her as he journeys the world.

he's curious to learn more about everyone he can see, and more than happy to share his talents with people. he LOVES people! he would do anything to make sure his loved ones are happy, and sometimes the loved ones are just the dudes he sees on the street. he cares deeply about serving others — not in a self deprecatory way. he knows his own worth as well. he doesn't necessarily put himself beneath others, but he's dedicated to giving people all the legs up he can. he was a healer for a long time, too; it's a part of why he gravitated so strongly to ishgardian astrology when he was offered the opportunity to learn. he's very self aware of his own calling, which is in a lot of ways simply to help others. most of the time, it's a simple enough matter. most daily frustrations are easily cured with a tasty treat or a few kind words. but chai sees everything — it's easy for him to pierce through the masks people wear, and his echo is extremely sensitive on top of it. a large part of why he's so able to help is because of how intimately he can see through people. his dreams are often also helpful in some ways in this regard, arguably to chai's own detriment. sometimes, chai almost breaks under the weight of knowing so much, but it's equally as much why he takes his place in life so seriously. not many people can handle what he does, but he can, and he thrives.

he places a lot of faith on a lot of the things many eorzeans do, such as the lifestream, the twelve (at least originally — l'chai has a lot of...complicated feelings post the aglaia raid questlines. that's not to say he's UNfaithful now, but...it's one of the few things to shake him to his core, we'll say). the people, as mentioned, especially his sister and the rest of their party. he places more emphasis than others might on fate and on the internal spirit of someone, especially after the developments of shadowbringers. at the end of the day, i'd distill it all down to a deep faith in love for the people. hydaelyn struck a deep chord with him for this reason, so he also clings to her dearly. l'chai is also, in general, probably more spiritual than the average eorzean, in terms of superstitions. i believe he also has a few he carries specifically from the l' clan, but i don't know anything in specific off the top of my head. and to be clear, with regards to his divination, chai is not under the impression that things are unchangeable; he knows many things about the future are malleable (i mean hell he has a bad end au where he becomes a sort of reaper after trying and failing to bring sahja back from the dead), but he believes that certain things he sees are not, like things that nag at him incessantly.. ouhh i could probably keep going but ill stop there sorry

tldr chai is driven by love, very superstitious, very loyal. has a very high moral code, but at the end of the day boils down to "do more good than harm". it shows itself in how giving he is, and how empathetic.

for arabuccha!

18. What kind of person could they become in the future? What are some developmental paths that they could take (best, worst, most likely)? What would cause them to come to pass, and what consequences might they have? What paths would you especially like to see, and why?: this question to arabuccha is so funny to me because i really do go back and forth and back and forth. i started developing arabuccha around when dawntrail was gearing for release, and my initial plots for him back then were....so different lmao. they're such a chameleon because while chai is my exploration in what it's like TO prophesize etc, arabuccha is very much so the opposite side of the coin.

he's a mol, and while i'm still working out what exactly was said by telumun when he was young, but especially among the mol — not exactly known for their strength, collectively — they are a bit of an anomaly. and it's a reputation that follows arabuccha in the way the other kids whisper about them in their youth. i don't think there was malintent, there, but he's heard he's supposedly been walking a tightrope for as long as he can remember. i think he and everyone else assumes one day he's going to eat himself alive with his magic, and that's certainly not off the table.

but ironically, i think that would mostly begin to happen in a universe where he becomes a bit kinder, for some reason or another. he's a black mage, and he has ties to the void; he's smart enough to be careful with it for his own sake. i could, though, see a timeline where in his newly renewed dedication to save the day or whatnot he becomes being more aggressive and less careful in the way he allows the voidsent to borrow his body, prompting a slow transformation not unlike the ones you see with the light-infused creatures of shadowbringers, just sort of reversed. (ironically, speaking of, i feel like if you were to douse arabuccha with light aether like that you'd essentially be nerfing him, but to his benefit with a more stable balance of aetheric energies inside. just a small note but sorry shb was just Peak so i think ab it a lot).

worst...i kind of struggle to think about? not in a weird way, but just because i'm still narrowing down his like motivations yk, but it's easy to see arabuccha just...never really growing beyond the way others percieve him as 'monster' because if at the end of the day that's all they see, what's the point? he's barely opened his mouth before people are making judgements — in the steppe, the mol tribe is small enough that everyone knows him. and then their body begins changing, their tail growing, more scales sprouting, claws lengthening, fangs barely staying in their mouth and it's impossible to ignore the stares. why push himself to be better when everyone expects otherwise? when he's so isolated the only thing that makes him feel alive is another discovery, another breakthrough? part of him knows he could use his studies and his magic for a lot of good, but for the most part it's hard for him to bring himself to care for a world that's just as happy to chew him up too. so in a way that calm worst end is probably the most likely too, where he just kind of wanders the world as a general like. like it's not like he's causing pain just to cause pain or anything, but he becomes a very dog eat dog douchebag over time.

i could see also like a "worst" end where he finds something that could cure/rid him of this. and while ultimately i think in his main timeline he would never take that, prefers being like this not in a weird selfish way but in a he's come to love himself despite everything way, but maybe in this timeline he's less at peace. maybe he hurt someone deeply once and he can't forgive himself for it. maybe he's trying to steal that light for himself at all costs, just for a sense of normality. maybe there's the warrior of light in play and he's after their ass for their light aether idk...very interesting to think ab thou

31. Is there anything that counts as a “dealbreaker” for them, positively or negatively? What makes things go smoothly, and what spoils an activity or ruins their day? Why?: he actually has.....SO many pet peeves it's hilarious. he spills water on the page on accident? day ruined. his tea gets a little too cold? ruined. hes stuck behind someone walking way too slow? day ruined. debating simply Stepping Over this lalafell. but i think he doesn't even realize like. while there aren't near as many, there's quite a few just as minute things that elate him very deeply as well. seeing his favorite flowers, finding feathers to keep on the ground, when his tea is Just The Right Temperature. arabuccha thinks of themself as very negative, but in an ideal world more accurately i'd call them very moodswingy eiudhiuasd. he finds the book he's been hunting for????? literally anything bad could happen that day and he's still out there grinning from horn to horn. he really likes when he wakes up and gets a good start to the day — with little difficulties in breakfast, travelling, dressing, etc, after a night with no nightmares. somehow it's very hard to bother him on those days sometimes.

[sirowsky]

Forgiven

This time, the request comes from @shsoba05 Thank you so much, darling! But I'm afraid this turned angsty as all hell....

The prompt was "I need you to forgive me." with either Din or Pero, and I chose Din, and he just went and got all hurtful on me :'( So, here's hoping you're up for some pain, my loves.

(Prompt List - this is still ongoing, so feel free to send me more)

Rating: Mature Warnings: ANGST, Din Djarin x gn!reader, no y/n, can be read as AU, pre-series or post-series. Word Count: 666 (...fitting) Author’s Masterlist

   He sits down on one of the crates outside the bunk, and you can hear the heaviness of his chest in the way that he exhales, but he’s quiet at first.    He doesn’t move. Doesn’t fiddle with anything. He just sits there, and you know he’s thinking, worrying, trying to find the right words to start, to fix everything, even though you suspect that this won’t be fixed. That it can’t be.

   You lay curled up on your side, staring at the wall, and you wonder if this is it. If this is how your heart will irrevocably break, never to know love of such depth ever again.    It’s not his fault, you can’t lay this at his feet, because he doesn’t know how much he means to you. But that’s also why you’re so afraid of the choice he’s about to make.    He holds your heart in his hands and doesn’t even know how easily he can crush it.

   He’s not usually one to be overpowered, either by others or by himself, but he’d been so angry earlier that he’d walked off in the middle of your argument. He’s not a quitter, and he never gives up on people… but he chose to leave rather than resolve the situation, which tells you one thing: he’s scared.

   “I need you to forgive me,” he almost whispers, and you know what he means without asking.

   He’s leaving. And you can’t go with him.    A promise made some time ago needs to be upheld, or he breaks the creed. There’s no way around it.    You knew from the moment he said it that this was where it would lead, that’s why you got upset enough to scream at him, but in truth, you admire his commitment and unflinching loyalty.

   In the heat of the argument, you’d claimed not to understand why he’s doing this, but you do. Because there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for him. The devotion he has to his Mandalorian faith, is the same devotion that you have to him. So yes… you understand.

   You give yourself one more breath, and then you sit up, shuffling to the edge of the bunk and letting your legs hang over it.    He’s sitting with his side to you, staring straight ahead, as far as you can tell, out the side-door of the Crest, and you wish for the thousandth time that you could see his face, just once. Just to know what his eyes look like.

   Knowing that this is likely to be the last time you ever see him, something burns through you at the realization that the only memories you’ll have of this man that means more to you than your own life, will be of cold armour.    You want to ask him, to beg for anything, just a touch of his bare fingertips against your cheek, but you don’t.

   Instead, you climb out of the bunk and collect what few belongings you own, biting back the tears as best you can. But when you sling your bag onto your shoulder and move to the door, they fall anyway, and you stop.    You keep your head facing the opening, your back to him, so he’ll be spared the added guilt that seeing your pain will cause him.    Even if he doesn’t love you, he cares about you, and you cherish that.

   “I forgive you,” you whisper back, hoping he doesn’t catch the tremor in your voice, hating that it’s there at all because he deserves better.

   You want to say so much more, to ask him every question you’ve ever had about him, but it’s too late. It’s all too late.    Walking down the ramp into the darkness of the night, it feels like something leaves you, and you hope that it’s your soul that somehow manages to claw away from you to stay with him.

   You hear the ship power up behind you, but you keep walking, refusing to look back.    And then he’s gone.

–=¤=–=¤=–=¤=–=¤=–=¤=–=¤=–

Thank you for reading, and feel free to criticize, I’m always looking to learn and grow as a writer.

@deadhumourist @idreamofboobear @tanzthompson @winter-fox-queen @tiffanyleen @shsoba05 @toomanystoriessolittletime @nolanell @myfavpedrothings @harriedandharassed @bruxasolta @tintinn16 @littlemisspascal @sj-draws00 @gallowsjoker @spishsstuff @little-mrs-morales @bilibiche

[midnightsconspiracy]

Faith Restored

Faith Restored - @midnightsconspiracy

Summary: When an argument with your husband causes you to walk out, a vendetta against him leads to you being kidnapped. But will Hank find you in time to be reunited with him and your child?

Warnings: Swearing, Violence

Word Count: 2670

Requested: Yes! I got these two requests so decided to combine them into one fic as they were pretty similar, so I hope the people that requested don't mind. :)

"hi!! I’m so happy I found someone that loves hank too. I’ll literally take any fic with him: age gap romance, marriage, having a baby, his enemies taking you and him tearing the city apart to get you back, some combination of all that, I’ll take it all. thank you for your writing!!"

"Hii! I love your fics 💖 could you please write something with hank, like he arguments with his girlfriend about their work, then she’s kidnapped and he gets all worried and asks for forgiveness, if you don’t feel comfortable with that it’s aaaaall goood :) xoxo"

A/N: I really enjoyed writing this fic and I have a few more requests to write so stayed tunes for them. But thank you for your support and keep sending requests in. Also if you've got some free time drop me a message, I'd love to hear from some of you guys!!!

Masterlist

Love. It was a feeling you had refused to believe in. Everyone around you telling you that the one was out there, and it was only a matter of time, but you were convinced that wasn’t true. At one point previously you had believed in it but that only led to a broken heart and weeks of uncontrollable crying, the man you thought was the one, cheating on you only days before your wedding. So how could it be true if the universe had let you suffer that badly? But as cliché as it sounds, that point of view changed completely as soon as you started your new job as a detective in the intelligence unit. From day one you had fallen head over heels for your boss, that hope of love finally returning. It had taken a long time for you to trust him and enter a fully committed relationship as that fear of heartbreak and the large age gap between you loomed over you both initially. Hank had been the best though, taking his time going step by step to make sure you were comfortable with everything, as well as keeping away the judgement from others the best that he could. He understood that feeling himself, still suffering the loss of Camille’s death, scared that you would leave him, but instead of being non-committal, it drove him to love you more, living each day like it was his last.

Now five years later, your relationship was pure bliss. Long gone were the days of doubts and distrust, instead replaced with only contentment and loyalty. Onlookers still judged the unconventional age difference but you had learned to live with it, coming to the conclusion that you loved Hank regardless and that was all that mattered. Only eight months into the relationship he decided that you really were the one for him, and a world in which he didn’t spend the rest of his life with you was one he couldn’t imagine, and so proposed inside his office, the place that started it all. You married shortly after at the courthouse, with only a small guest list, just wanting to be surrounded by your closest friends and family. The unit all in attendance, some crying, others wishing it were them getting married but collectively all ecstatic at the fact their favourite office romance was finally tying the knot. The next couple of months felt like absolute paradise, like you were in some sort of dream never to wake up again. Never a day went by where you didn’t feel the utmost joy and love in your heart, each day was a new adventure with the man that you could finally call your husband. You were on cloud nine thinking your life couldn’t get any better, until one day two pink lines stared back at you.

When you married Hank you didn’t expect to have any children, with him already having Justin and a grandson. This left you a little disheartened, but you would have married him under any conditions, even if that meant your dream of having kids would never come true. Whilst talking about your future together in the first few months of dating, the topic of kids had come up once or twice, with him stating he would love to have kids with you, but believing he couldn’t have any due to his age. But once you had told him you were pregnant, he was absolutely elated, even crying whilst confessing how much he loved and appreciated you. After a relatively difficult pregnancy with Hank being the most supportive, protective partner there could be, you gave birth to a gorgeous baby boy weighing in at 8 pounds, having his eye colour and your nose, a perfect combination of the both of you. For the first few years of your babies life, you spent your time staying at home looking after him, watching him grow up to look more and more like your husband each day. But finally, after his third birthday, you decided the unit was your calling and you wanted to rejoin your old team.

Things started off relatively normal, reuniting with the unit properly, finally becoming a team again. Adrenaline filled your veins once more, loving the thrill of arresting criminals and going on busts. The words ‘let's roll out’ sent sparks of serotonin throughout your body, loving being back after years of ‘calmness’ from child care. This new feeling caused you to get a little over-excited sometimes but nothing, in your opinion, that could be considered careless. However, if you asked Hank he would completely disagree. The man just wanted you to be safe at all times, not just for him but for your son as well. Things started heating up after a couple of weeks of you working there, him not wanting to address it initially as he knew you were so happy doing what you loved, but he was scared for your safety. He didn’t want a repeat of his last marriage, he adored you so much he wouldn’t know what to do with himself if you were to get an injury or die. That was until one night, a bad day at the office caused him to snap, needing you to know how he felt about what you were doing.

Leaning against the counter in the kitchen at your shared home, you heard the door slam, knowing it was Hank, who had stayed behind in his office after a particularly nasty case.

“Hi Babe, did you get everything done that you wanted to?” You chirped, just happy that your husband was finally home.

“Y/N we need to talk,” you turned around to face him, your smile falling at his serious tone.

“Ok?”

“I understand you love being back in the unit but Y/N, we have a son now”

“What are you trying to say?” You replied, your tone turning sour, part of you knew what he was trying to say, but never in your mind did you think he would confront you about it. Why couldn’t he just be happy for you?

“I just think you’re being too reckless in the field,” he remained calm, just trying to get you to understand where he was coming from.

“Reckless? Are you fucking kidding me! I’ve spent three years looking after our kid and you can’t even allow me to have this?” You were furious by this point, you loved your job and had been away from it for a long time. Ok, maybe you were a little under cautious sometimes but not what he was suggesting!

“I'm just looking out for you, I can’t have you dying on me Y/N! You’re my wife for god’s sake I want you to be alive and safe!” He raised his voice, angry you couldn’t see what he was seeing.

“You know what fuck you, Hank!” You pushed past him, grabbing your keys and wallet on the way out, getting into your car to go anywhere but that house.

Driving around the city you were thinking of places to go, your parents, a hotel, another member of the units house? Finally deciding on Jay’s apartment you pulled into his buildings car park, checking your phone before going inside. Staring back at you were five missed calls and thirteen unread messages, all from the same person, the reason why you were outside someone else’s apartment and not your own home. Getting out of your car you walked towards the entrance of the apartment building, mulling over whether you should message Hank back. Deciding against it, you lowered your phone, not even wanting to think about it for the time being. Suddenly someone grabbed you by the waist, yanking you towards them, placing a foreign material over your mouth. You screamed, praying someone would hear your cries as you kicked your legs out and at the perpetrator as they dragged you backwards. More hands reached out to pull you into a car, sobbing you regretted what happened earlier, wishing you would have just stayed home. Finally, as your vision blurred, you hoped the unit would find you before it was too late.

Waking up in a cold room, you tried to pull your arm towards your chest, meeting resistance in the form of metal chains attached above your head. You groggily looked around, using your detective skills to assess the situation you were in, noting nothing in the cold, concrete room except yourself and a metal frame chair placed in front of you. Confused at the situation, you thought about what you had done, was it a person you had arrested? Or someone who had a vendetta against you? That you didn’t know, you couldn’t comprehend anything at the moment, your head pounding not allowing you to think clearly. You remembered being in the apartment complex’s car park after an argument but other than that everything was hazy. Thinking as hard as you could, your thoughts were interrupted as one of the offenders entered the room. He sat at the chair, sharpening his knife, a sadistic smirk played on his face.

“You know why you’re here?” Raking your brain you couldn’t think of anyone you had pissed off enough for them to go to these extremes.

“No,” you replied not wanting to antagonise him in any way.

“Your killer of a husband murdered my boy in broad daylight and no one, NO ONE, ever did anything about it!”

“That wasn’t me, please just let me go, you can talk it out with my husband in the proper ways!” You pleaded, knowing that him showing you his face didn’t bode well for your chances of survival.

“YOU SIGNED UP FOR THIS THE DAY YOU MARRIED THAT MURDERER!” He shouted out, punching you in the stomach, taking his anger out on you anyways possible.

“He’ll find us, and when he does he’ll kill you too,” you spat knowing that you couldn’t make anything worse. In response he threw a series of punches at your face, grabbing his knife holding it to your throat. Smirking he replied,

“You think he really cares about you?”

“WELL, WHERE IS SHE?” Hank was absolutely seething. Shouting at anyone who came to talk to him, both members of his unit and uniformed officers alike. He couldn’t lose her, besides his son, she was his whole life, not even wanting to picture a world where she wasn’t with him. He had to prepare for the worst, he knew that, but he couldn’t do it without a tear coming to his eye. Why her? Why couldn’t they just have taken him instead? He was who they wanted, not her, so why couldn't they just have fucking take him?! The team all sat watching, waiting, knowing it was only a matter of time before he would come out and demand answers, ones they didn’t have at the moment. They owed their boss, cashing in multiple favours with him throughout their time in intelligence, and they knew this was the only thing Voight would ever ask for in return. And Y/N, you had worked with them for years, not just being colleagues but developing a strong friendship that would last years to come, that’s if they could find you in time. Exiting his office, the unit turned to their boss as he spoke.

“I want everyone giving their all to this case, this is my wife we’re talking about, not just some faceless victim, Y/N, your friend, your colleague, and we are going to find her. No matter what it takes, am I clear?” Each detective replied with a ‘yes sarge' and getting to work, investigating every lead that they could. A couple of hours later the team had found the suspects, located pod footage from the time you were kidnapped and worked out a motive, everything seemed like was going well, except for the fact they still didn’t have a location. Another hour passed and still no location, Hank getting more and more agitated by the second, with his anger about to boil over, all with the push of a button, or a certain detective. Being the bearer of bad news, the team pushed Ruzek to play the devils advocate to tell the Sergeant they had come up empty.

“Hey Sarge, we’ve got nothing else, every lead we’ve got is coming up dry”

“NOTHING! YOU’VE GOT NOTHING? SHE COULD BE DEAD FOR ALL WE KNOW AND YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU’VE GOT NOTHING?” Hank boomed scared that his precious wife, who had done nothing to deserve this, could be being tortured or even worse dead.

“Hank, Hank” Olinsky stepped in, pushing his distraught friend back in his office, knowing Adam had done nothing wrong, instead just an outlet for his long term friends anger.

“It's ok, she’s gonna be fine” Alvin reassured him, knowing him exploding with emotions would do nothing to help his missing wife. Finally, an hour later, the team got a breakthrough courtesy of a CI of Dawson's, gearing up and rolling out as quickly as possible much to Hank’s delight.

Raising your head, you spat at the man in front of you, teasing him even more, threatening him to do his worst. He had beat you, cut you, degraded you, trying to get your spirit to break. Although you knew Hank would come to find you, you were starting to crack, the pain overwhelming to the point where you couldn’t cope anymore, a pain you wouldn’t wish on anyone. You were losing faith rapidly, expecting your unit to have already come by now, but where were they? Maybe they didn’t actually care about you? Lowering your head after a series of more beatings, you’d had enough.

“Please stop, please, I’ll do whatever you want, just please stop!” You cried finally giving into the man.

“I want you to pay for what your husband has done to my family, pay with your life,” he pulled a gun from the waistband of his trousers, pointing straight at the middle of your forehead. You had lived your life as much as you could, finding the love of your life, having a son and restoring your faith in the universe, well up until now. Closing your eyes you prepared yourself for the bullet, but when the loud shot came, it wasn’t from a gun but instead the door flying off its hinges.

“DROP THE WEAPON!” Someone shouted, someone that sounded weirdly familiar to your husband.

“DROP IT,” they repeated before you heard a clatter on the ground and a flurry of movement. Suddenly someone grabbed your face, nervously speaking your name. Opening your eyes, you looked up, staring straight into the eyes of your husband, smiling briefly before a cloud of darkness washed over you.

Waking up, the first thing you noticed with the constant beeping of a machine, then the warm feeling of a hand in yours. You slowly opened your eyes, blinking sluggishly adjusting to the harsh light, before focusing on the figure beside you.

“Hank?” You croaked, sounding like death itself but glad you were alive and facing your husband once more.

“Baby! Thank god you’re alive, you got me so worried there,” you smiled, thanking whatever god was out there for a second chance so you could spend the rest of your life with your husband and child.

“I-i missed you, Hank”

“I know Baby, I know I missed you too.”

“I’m sorry for walking out on you, why couldn’t I have just stayed there and listened to you? Talked it out properly”

“No don’t apologise, this was all my fault, you loved what you were doing and I was trying to take that away from you because of my own selfish wants.” You loved the man beside you unconditionally and although you were mad in the moment, this whole situation made you realise that nothing he could do could make you love him any less.

[vanderlindemorgans]

Cross My Heart (Chapter 3)

Pairing: Agent Whiskey x Reader

Rating: Explicit/18+

Summary: A traitorous Agent Whiskey returns to the United States on the run. Being cast out by Statesman, he soon finds that you’re the only person he can turn to - the embittered former flame from years long passed

Word count: 3.4k

Warnings: Eventual smut, some references to alcoholism and drug use. Reader is in her late twenties but there is an age gap between her and Whiskey. Chapter specific warnings: none really but the reader is a tsundere, and there’s some vague awful knowledge on how horse ranches operate. 

Read on AO3 | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Masterlist

The next two weeks were about as awkward as one would expect them to be. Even without their already tense history with each other, it wouldn’t exactly be a situation that would be any easier to adjust to. For god's sake, he was hiding out in Texas and was wanted for treason against his former organisation. What about that was supposed to be easy for him?

The two of you had largely avoided each other during this time, sometimes even barely seeing each other during the day. For the first couple of days, Jack had spent most of his time upstairs at your insistence, in order to properly let his wounds heal. No matter how much he protested against you, you weren’t having a single second of his nonsense and told him rather firmly that it was for his own good to stay up there. Those were the days where he’d found himself utterly bored out of his brain - there were only so many books that were kept in that little guest bedroom, and even though the thought had crossed his mind a few times he’d already swore to you he wouldn’t go poking through the closets for anything.

When you’d finally deemed him in good enough shape to help around the ranch, then things had gotten better. Or at least, they’d gotten less boring. No matter what a part of his mind instinctually lingered on Statesman, whether that be on how so many years of loyalty to the organisation ended in a crashing blaze or how long he would have before they were able to track him down. He didn’t give himself much time on the run - a few months maximum if he was lucky before they inevitably caught onto him one way or another. Sometimes he wondered what the point of running even was if he believed so thoroughly that Statesman would catch up to him. The only answer he could ever give for himself to that was four simple words: I have to try. It may be a longshot, he may spend the rest of his life evading his former agency at every turn but goddamn he had to at least try to get away from it all. The things he’d done in Cambodia, the threat of death ever looming over him. He’d gotten lucky once escaping with his life, so who’s to say that couldn’t happen again? 

Stealing a brief glance over to where you were only metres away from him, cleaning out one of the older horses stalls, he couldn’t help but wonder about you. There was no doubt in his mind that you loathed him for what he did, and rightfully so he had to admit. The few words you had exchanged with each other during this time were terse and brief, and were mainly condensed to matters with looking after the animals or mundane things like asking where the keys were. Even from the start your demeanour hadn’t been remarkably bright, which in a way struck him as odd. You certainly weren’t the same girl he remembered dating years ago. Jack never expected you to be happy at his return into your life but there was something more too - even when you weren’t around him, when you were putting on a happy face for the different guests and customers something was missing still. When Jack had first met you, you were still only in college, and while on the surface you had that same snark that he found himself loving more and more about you with every time you’d spoken, there was also a sense of innocence there. He remembered how your moral code was always focused on doing the right thing, how you wanted to believe that deep down everyone had some good in them. It was something he’d admired about you - even back then he was jaded by the world, having witnessed so much wickedness firsthand both through his position at Statesman and from his own life before that. Some would call you naive for having that much faith in humanity, but he’d found it endlessly endearing. 

He wasn’t inclined to say that you no longer believed in doing what’s right - you had taken him in when there was nowhere else to turn. But that brightness in your eyes, the unwavering trust you’d always been willing to give. That was what was gone, extinguished like it was never even there to begin with. He had to wonder if he was largely responsible for this change, if the reason you’d become so passingly apathetic and distrustful was because of his actions. Most likely that was the case, and from what you’d said a couple of weeks back about your parents passing away it was no wonder you were no longer that spunky wide-eyed girl from Texas, that you had become so sullen and moody. A lot had clearly happened in those seven years of silence, and for that he felt truly remorseful for how he’d hurt you.

You hadn’t mentioned that night so far, so a part of Jack felt willing to leave things as is and only focus on being as little of a hassle to you as possible during this time. If you mention the breakup you run the risk of making things worse, he reasoned with himself. As much as he wanted to apologise, explain himself a little bit, he knew that you were never going to believe a word he said. You believed him to be nothing more than a lying son of a bitch who was only interested in the thrill of the chase and not ever after anything truly committed. He could still hear those cutting remarks slip from your lips as if it were only yesterday. “You know what you are? You’re a fucking liar, Jack Daniels. What happened to forever and always? Or did you forget that?”. 

“Hey, Jack, there should be a new delivery of fresh hay coming through for the horses in the next couple of minutes. Do me a favour and go greet them for me, will ya?” he heard your voice ring out, interrupting his train of thought and bringing him back to reality. “Sure thing, darlin’” he nodded, setting aside the bag of grain he’d been giving each of the horses and stepping aside over towards the stables entrances, only just missing the hasty look you shot him out the corner of his eye.

___

You didn’t know what had come over you. All morning you had been distracted by him, your eyes wandering over to where he was feeding the horses, running his hand across their manes and giving them a gentle pet. Jack had always been great with animals, something the both of you had in common. Rolling your eyes to yourself, you continued to direct your focus on raking out all manner of gunk and mess from the stalls, somewhat annoyed to even be reminiscing on such long forgotten things. Normally you were level headed and focused but ever since Jack had appeared back in your life out of the blue things had gotten a tad stranger for you. It didn’t surprise you in the least that his presence in your house ignited old memories, coaxing out both the bitter and bright from their place dormant at the back of your mind. The two of you had barely said a word to each other in those two weeks and yet here you were, being plagued by ghosts of the past. You wondered if Jack felt the same way, if he could also feel the awkward tension ripe between you. In your opinion, you’d have to be an idiot not to notice.

It didn’t make sense to you. You’d thought you’d long since moved on from the pain he’d caused you, focusing on maintaining a steady rhythm and pace in your own life and being far too busy with the ranch to even let your thoughts wander to your ex-boyfriend. With him around though, it was bringing everything back, almost as if none of it had ever left in the first place. Safe to say, all of it made you more than a bit agitated

But you couldn’t have just left him out there to fend for himself. No, you weren’t heartless, and taking him in was the right thing to do. You could handle the irritating flashbacks and echoes as long as it meant he was safe and alive. And besides, this was only temporary. He’d no doubt find somewhere else to jet off to in a matter of weeks and leave you to return back to your normal routine. It was odd having someone else in the house anyway, after spending so many years alone. Suddenly you had to be considerate for someone else, integrating them into your own routine, your way of life.

And, truth be told, a small part of you didn’t mind the company one bit. Not that you’d ever say that outloud of course. No, you’d rather kill yourself before admitting to anyone, lest Jack himself, that you actually liked having someone else around. Even if words exchanged were few and far between, there was an element of comfort to having someone stay with you. Though you largely chalked this small feeling up to spending too long in solitude. 

Another thing that had taken you by surprise was Jack’s behaviour. You’d fully expected to have to once again deal with his antics, the annoying and frustratingly devilish charm he exuded in every quick witted remark, that smirk of his you’d come to know so well that once upon a time was enough to make you bend to him, and you’d prepared yourself the best you could to combat him back. You were determined to not let him get under your skin and not be taken in by his charm: you knew better now. Strange as it was though, none of that ever ended up coming to pass. In the few interactions you did have with each other a day, Jack was being mostly polite and keeping to himself. Sure, there were a few banter-like comments sprinkled here and there, this was Jack Daniels after all, but they were few and far between. He still hadn’t told you the finer details of what had happened between him and those other agents but it must have been enough to knock him down a few pegs in the ego department judging by his demeanour. That, or he felt the stifling awkwardness between you two and felt it best to dial himself back a bit. Maybe it was a mix of both. You really couldn’t say for sure though. 

Shaking your head, you shifted focus back on to the list of tasks you needed to get through that day before the ranch opened for business. It was around seven in the morning, and opening hours were from eight-thirty to six, and it was a Wednesday so business was moderate. You had a couple of kids booked for riding lessons later on as well as some people coming to rent out specific horses for rides, plus a doctor coming to look at one of the pregnant mares for a checkup. Not exactly what you would call a hectic day but still not a walk in the park either. You also had a couple of deliveries coming in that day, speaking of which, you remembered, one was scheduled to arrive in only a few moments.

You shouted out for Jack to go meet with the delivery guy, and you watched him as he sauntered out of the stables in search of the van, your eyes catching a glimpse of that ridiculous oversized belt buckle of his as it glinted in the early morning light. There were some things about that man you just never understood, his affinity for that tacky buckle being one of them. 

You turned your attention back to your current task of cleaning out the horses stalls. Years ago when you were a young kid you’d turned up your nose at the idea of having to shove around manure and urine soaked hay twice a day, though years passed and you barely even noticed or cared about the grossness of the stench. Shoving the last bits of hay into a large plastic garbage bag, you turned back over to where the old mare was standing in the corner, looking disinterested as usual and blew on a stray strand of hair that had fallen into your eyes. “Looks like I’m all done here, Jack should be back with the hay for you in a moment” you mused, to which the animal in question lightly grunted back at you, as if it could understand exactly what you’d just said.

“Yeah, yeah, I know old girl. Just sit tight, ok?” you replied, stepping out of the stall and dragging the gate behind you, clearing the latch click just as Jack walked back in with an armful of hay bales. “I got the guy unloading the rest from his van, this should last ya a little over two weeks” he informed you, eliciting a general nod in his direction as a reply. “Good, that’s what I was hoping for. Just put it over by the door and I’ll sort it out in a bit” you instructed, looking down at your wristwatch for the time. 7:40 am - perfectly on schedule. The rest of your employees would be arriving soon, so tasks would be able to be knocked out faster too. 

The low sound of a yawn pulled you from your thoughts as you looked up over to where Jack was stacking the bales of hay, lightly rubbing a hand over his face. “Tired are we, Jack?” you commented, raising your brow slightly at him. 

“A little” he admitted. “Forgot to make myself a coffee this mornin’, and truth be told I didn’t get the best sleep last night”. 

“Is everything alright up there? I’d hate for you to be uncomfortable” you said, a little bit of sarcasm working its way into your tone. You just couldn’t help it, and in your mind, he well deserved every little lick of ire you could throw his way. 

“Everythings perfect, darlin’, I’m just...my mind tends to wander late at night. Things to do with Statesman and such, nothin’ for you to really be concerned about” he dismissed, shifting on his heel towards where the delivery man was bringing in the last of the stock he’d brought over. You didn’t move a single step, instead watching him thank the man and take the supplies off him, a small feeling of sympathy sparking that you quickly shrugged off like it was nothing. People dealt with insomnia all the time, you reasoned. And he said himself that it was nothing to worry about so that was that.

Neither of you said a word for the next couple of minutes, yet some part of the conversation was still at the back of your mind. You didn’t understand why - it was a pretty mundane exchange of words overall however you couldn’t help but still feel you needed to say something more.

“Sometimes I find it hard to sleep too. Usually that’s when I get up and go get a book or something. Anything that works as a distraction to whatever's on my mind” you found yourself saying out of nowhere. You could feel Jack glance over at you but you didn’t meet his gaze, keeping your own eyes trained down on the floor that you were sweeping. “I’ll have to keep that in mind then” you heard him say in response, to which you acknowledged him with a small nod and a slight side glance. In an instant afterwards, you minorly chastised yourself for saying something so stupid and random to him. Great, now you’ve made it even more awkward. You should have just kept your mouth shut. Even still, it was hard to miss that sweet look in Jack’s eyes when he’d replied back, when your eyes had met briefly for that small moment.

___

The loud sound of incessant beeping awoke you from your deep slumber, the noise becoming more and more grating with each second that passed. Mumbling under your breath you reached your hand out from underneath the sheets to flick the alarm off, your eyes only just beginning to adjust to the room around you as the last remnants of your dream melted away into nothing, being replaced by the stark wooden panelling of the walls and the feeling of textured quilt on the edge of your feet. There was barely any light in the room as the sun hadn’t come up yet, and wouldn’t rise for another fifteen minutes or so, leaving your vision time to adjust to the world around you as you rose up in bed and sighed.

Every morning it seemed you told yourself that you needed a vacation, a couple of days off to get away from it all and kick back a little. Sometimes you’d indulge yourself in the thought - taking a plane off to somewhere and not coming back for a couple of weeks. You never actually did it though, not due to a lack of finances but moreso that you didn’t even know what you’d do with yourself with all that time. As much as ranch work dragged on some days, the methodical nature of it kept you grounded and focused. What the hell were you supposed to do without it?

Shuffling off to the edge of the bed, you fumbled around for a pair of socks in your bedside drawer and slipped them onto your feet, your mind starting to wander off to that ever present list of tasks and chores you kept for yourself. The harder you thought on it, the more muddled your brain seemed to get. Leave the to-do list for after you’ve had coffee.

Your body was practically on autopilot as you moved out into the hallway and down the stairs, wanting to hurry to get that invigorating rush that caffeine gave you. The actual taste of the drink you were never totally partial to, truth be told: drinking it had more to do with the fact it woke you up and made you feel less like wanting to die every early morning. No matter how many years passed or long you kept doing this for, you just never became a morning person.

You didn’t notice it at first when you’d reached for two mugs instead of one out of the cupboard, only really caring about attempting to make yourself a coffee as fast as possible that hopefully wasn’t totally shitty in quality. You didn’t notice when you loaded up the espresso machine that you put enough coffee in for two instead of one, or when you put in extra milk in the frother. Really, it only had come to your attention that you’d done any of those things when you suddenly stared back at the kitchen counter and noticed two full mugs of coffee instead of one.

Staring back and forth between the two, you felt your brow crease while you moved your hand up to your neck, lightly rubbing on the back. Huh. Guess I must be really spaced this morning if I made two. As if on cue, you started to hear the sounds of Jack stirring upstairs, and without a second thought you grabbed both mugs in your hand and glided over towards the kitchen table, setting them both down and taking a seat in one of the well worn chairs.

“Hey. I made two by accident. You can have the other one I guess” you announced while watching him transcend down the stairs, gesturing vaguely over towards the other mug. You saw Jack glance up at you, his mussed hair and semi-dazed expression showing that he was probably half asleep still. He hadn’t bothered to dress himself yet, wearing the tight fitting white t-shirt you’d managed to fish out from a back cupboard somewhere and a pair of equally plain pajama pants. He looked...good, somehow, though you weren’t about to say that outloud. You could only imagine the smug self-satisfied smirk that type of remark would garner. 

He slowly walked up towards the table and gently scooped up the mug in his hand, running his thumb over the edge lightly. “Accident, huh? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were starting to warm up to me a little” he teased. You rolled your eyes back at him and took another sip of coffee. “Oh, shut up”.

[3pirouette]

Fic: The Honey Trap (11/12)

Title: The Honey Trap

By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette

Disclaimer: They're not mine.

Distribution: AO3 Anyone else please ask first :) 

Story Summary: Peggy’d lost count. She wasn’t sure if she was a double or triple agent at this point, and in the end, it didn’t matter. What mattered was getting out of this alive.

A/N: This was absolutely the hardest chapter for me to write even though the very end of it has been done for a while now. GETTING to that point was really difficult, and I struggled to make sure you're seeing it as I am in my head.There's only one more chapter after this. I hope you enjoy this.Thanks again for going on this crazy ride with me- I SWEAR this was supposed to be cute and sexy when I first started writing it. Seems that was not the story that wanted to be told.

Chapter 11: What Must Be Done 0800 the Next Morning

“What are we supposed to be looking for?” Dum Dum’s voice sounded over the comms.

“Don’t know,” Steve replied from his own cover a few hundred yards away. “But her transponder is still on, and she’s in that base.”

Bucky’s voice came in loud and clear, as he was lying right next to Steve. “How do you even know she’ll be able to give us a signal?”

Steve looked at his friend, lying next to him in the snow, and found he couldn’t lie to him. “I don’t. But I know Peggy, and if she wanted us here, she’s gonna let us know when to come knocking.”

Phillips burst into the line, tinny as his position was the farthest away. “Cute sentiment, but if we don’t get some kind of signal by 1400, we’re going in. The US Army doesn’t run on faith alone.”

~*~ 1100 That Morning

Peggy had thought she’d prepared herself. She’d heard the story from Erskine himself long before it was deemed classified and long before he started softening the catastrophic outcomes of using the serum on the wrong person. She’d listened to Steve’s story of watching Schmidt pull his face away to reveal his true self underneath. She thought she’d been ready.

She wasn’t.

Peggy wasn’t prepared for what it looked like to see a man peel seemed to be real human flesh from his face, only to reveal the red skin of a monster, the gaping hole where his nose should have been, and the sunken eye sockets of a madman. She couldn’t stop the roiling in her stomach or the sharp shock of fear that darted up her spine.

She supposed she controlled her face well enough, because he seemed impressed at her lack of response. “Fraulein, are you not afraid?”

Never one to back down, Peggy figured she couldn’t get herself in any more trouble than she already was. “I suppose the outside matches the inside now.”

He took heavy, long strides to stand right in front of her and looked her up and down. Wallace, by her side, stood stock still, far more frightened and surprised than she was. “You have no fear,” Schmidt commented hesitant to show how that impressed him. He looked Wallace up and down and smirked. “Perhaps you should learn from your… boyfriend here.” He turned and walked away. “You should have a healthy fear of your superiors, though a certain level of fearlessness is necessary to do what must be done.”

He turned, smiling at them. “Are you?” He looked Wallace up and down once again before circling the pedestal in the middle of his laboratory. The late morning sun through the windows gave him an eerie glow as he prowled like a cat. “Are you willing to do what must be done for the glory of the cause?”

“Yes sir,” Wallace replied before lifting both arms and saluting, “Hail Hydra!”

The Red Skull’s laugh was dark and sarcastic, unconvinced of his loyalty. “Of course, you are.” He turned towards Peggy, stopping at a pedestal. “And you? Are you as willing to lay your life on the line as your boyfriend is here?”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Peggy insisted, standing up tall. “And you could not imagine the things I’m willing to risk my life for.”

He laughed heartily this time, looking out to his static guards. “Ah ha! The spirit!” He turned back to her, the grin disturbing on his skeletal features. “The determination!”  He took a deep breath, slowing his excitement as he smoothed the cloth over the pedestal. “We shall see how far that will get you, fraulein.”

With a nod of his head the guards behind them were moving them forward, hand on their arms, roughly guiding them up to the pedestal.

“Behold,” Red Skull smiled, gripping the canvas, “The Tesseract.” He pulled away the canvas, and Peggy felt like she couldn’t breathe.

~*~

“What the hell is that?” Bucky kept his eyes on the sniper scope, looking through the large windows.

“What?” Steve asked desperately, not having a scope to look through.

“There’s a… a block.” He shrugged. “It’s glowing. It’s a big glowing square and it’s…” Bucky passed the rifle to Steve to look. “It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen.”

“Rogers?” Phillips’ voice cut through his ear.

“Sir, it looks to be a cube, made out of the same energy source as the energy weapons we’ve been studying.” Steve shifted the scope, watching as Red Skull laid his hand on it, the cube pulsating blue light. “Maybe 6 inches square?”

“That’s enough,” Howard piped in. “That’s enough to wipe out a significant part of Europe, or the whole east coast, on its own. They amplify it…”

Phillip’s voice was tight, controlled but on edge. “Rogers, you’re the one with eyes. Are we a go?”

Steve swallowed as the Red Skull blocked his sight of the cube, but he could still see her face over his shoulder. He could see the panic in Peggy’s eyes, could see that something was wrong, but he didn’t know, wasn’t sure, if going in now was going to make it better or worse.

“Rogers?”

Steve tossed the rifle back at Bucky. “I’m going in… by myself. Wait for my signal.”

~*~

Peggy could feel her gut tightening with each passing second. The energy pouring off the Tesseract seemed to flow through her, seemed to set her on edge, but the men around her didn’t seem to feel it. Wallace was still standing, both afraid and struck with worship at the sight of Schmidt, and Schmidt only seemed to feel the power of it when his hands were on it.

It seemed to call to her: the light, the power, beating like there was something far too contained in that tiny box begging to be let out. Like it was begging to be saved.

Wallace babbled on next to her, trying to impress Schmidt with his confidence, his commitment to the cause.

The Red Skull stopped his tirade with a hand, tipping his head to Peggy. “And you? Do you share your boyfriend’s sentiment?”

Peggy felt a flow of courage, and repeated her earlier statement. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

Before the Red Skull could answer, the doors burst open, a compliment of guards flanking Steve as they paraded him in in his full Captain America regalia.

Peggy smiled widely at the sight of him. “That’s my boyfriend.” She turned, bolstered and waved cheekily. “Hello, darling.”

Steve lifted his chin, but didn’t otherwise change his stance. Peggy didn’t mind the cold reception, when he was focused like this there was little that could get through to him besides the mission, and she needed that now. She needed someone fresh and clearheaded to pull her through the rest of this.

And if Steve was here, she doubted very much he was alone. He was always very good at following directions.

Red Skull, however, laughed. It was a small chuckle at first, then a full out guffaw as he looked at Wallace, anger starting to bloom in his eyes. “You’ve been double crossed. By Captain America, no less.” Wallace stammered as Schmidt motioned for the man to be brought closer to him. The guard flanked him, dragging him forward. “Let us see where your heart truly lies, shall we?”

Without preamble Schmidt grabbed his hand and pressed it to the Tesseract.

The room froze. For a moment, nothing happened.

Then he screamed.

It was a scream like nothing Peggy had heard before, a scream that came from the depth of his soul and didn’t hide the pain he was in. The blue light seemed to seep through his skin, lighting him up from the inside and turning him into a writhing conduit as he fell to the floor, his body shaking with unnatural spasms.

The room watched quietly as his shaking slowed until it was quite clear he was dead.

Red Skull looked down at him, his stature unchanged, his hands clasped behind his back. He let his eyes roam over the body as he made a hum of disinterest in the back of his throat. “It has never done that before,” he murmured quietly.

He looked up sharply, eyes narrowed. “Now her.”

Peggy struggled against the two guards who nearly lifted her from her feet to move her forward. She could hear Steve screaming and fighting behind her, her name torn from his throat with the sound of him getting hit by something. She couldn’t see him, didn’t have time to worry or imagine as she struggled.

She stopped moving once they placed her hand on the cube, though she could still hear the dull thuds of Steve fighting behind her, the crashing of the windows as reinforcements joined them.

It all slowed as she felt a heat run through her, spreading through her body from her fingertips. She could have cried at the thought that this was how it ended, after all she had gone through, Steve was going to have to watch her die a writhing mass on the ground, unable to do anything about it, and she wouldn’t have made a dent in slowing Hydra.

The despair slowly turned, though, and she felt strong. Comforted. The warmth spread through her like a hug, and though it seemed impossible, the light of the Tesseract dimmed, leaving her as alive and intact as when her fingers had first touched it.

Schmidt looked at her in wonder and yelled loudly in German, speaking so fast she couldn’t follow what he was saying. He was quickly hustled away by guards who flanked him, the Tesseract glowing in his hands as he shepherded it with him. The men around her tried to pull her away, too, but she managed to overpower them with the assistance of Barnes and Dugan.

The Commandos flanked her as Hydra retreated through dark corridors, the only men left in the room were her true allies or unconscious guards on the floor.

Steve turned her, his hands roaming and checking for injuries. “Peggy? Are you alright? Please. Please tell me you’re ok?”

“I’m—” She was cut off as he pulled her tight in his arms. She let herself revel in the feel of it for just a second, wrapping herself around him tight as well. “Fine. I’m fine.”

“I thought you were dead,” he whispered, burying his nose in her hair. “I thought you were going to die right in front of me.”

“Will someone give me a damn report?” Peggy nearly laughed at the faraway sound of Phillips in Steve’s earpiece.

“Wallace is dead,” Bucky reported, looking around the room. “Peg seems ok for now, but they’ve retreated.”

Phillips was strong and clear through the line. “I’ve got men moving in through every available entrance. We’re ending this today, let’s take ‘em down.”

“You sure you’re ok?” Steve pulled back, brushing her hair away from her face.

Peggy smiled, reaching down to pick up a small energy gun that one of the Hydra agents had dropped. “We have a job to do now,” she smiled softly looking in his eyes, “we have a lot to catch up on later.”

Bucky groaned. “Come on, lovebirds. I can hear an engine.”

Without hesitation, Steve and Peggy followed Bucky and Dum Dum down the dimly lit hallway, pausing here and there, relying on Steve’s hearing and the reports of other soldiers they ran into to take them a winding route to an airplane hangar.

A journey that only took minutes felt like years, and filled Peggy with a sense of overwhelming Déjà vu. She knew she’d never been here before, hadn’t heard about the huge plane in front of them from Wallace or any of her other intel, but somehow knew exactly how this was going to go.

The plane engine revved and she didn’t hesitate. She grabbed Steve’s hand and ran.

Peggy ran faster than she’d ever run before, keeping pace with Steve as the plane started to taxi, leaving Barnes and Dugan jogging behind them, getting farther and farther away.

“Peggy?” Steve choked out, confused as she kept up with him and they closed the distance on the plane.

“I don’t know, I just know we have to be on that thing.” She nodded at the plane. “We have to.”

She didn’t know why she knew it, or why it seemed so important, but Steve didn’t question her, just started pumping his legs faster. She faltered, finally reaching the limits of her newfound speed, and he pulled her up into his arms without missing a step.

When they were close enough, nearly outside as the plane sped even faster, he risked a glance down. “Ready?”

Peggy paused, pressing her lips to his for the barest of moments. It wasn’t nearly enough, but it was a reassurance nonetheless. She nodded, turning her attention to the wheel.

“Three, two, one!” At the end of the countdown, Steve tossed her with all his might at the wheel of the plane. She grappled for just a second, but his aim had been true and she landed safely on the metal gear. She looked back to see him building up speed again for his own jump, and then quickly turned back to the wheel, pulling herself up and out of the way into the well.

Steve was quickly under her, climbing up the wheel as it slowly retracted into the plane, the ground disappearing below them as the plane took flight.

“Nothing like making a close call,” she whispered.

Steve looked up at her from where he was crouched, hands on his knees, catching his breath. “Little closer than I’d like,” he whispered back. “Do you know something about this plane?”

“Nothing,” she turned a circle, looking at the holding bay they were in. “But I think we’re going to find out pretty fast.”

“Those aren’t…”

Peggy nodded her head, fear running down her spine. “They are.” They were surrounded by bombs hooked to smaller planes that were barely more than room for a pilot and a propeller. The bombs were named for their targets, making it clear the plan was launch from mid-air, attacking the eastern seaboard of the US and the western seaboard of Europe, crippling most of the Allied countries in one go. “Do you think they—”

Steve cut her off, nodding. “Look.” He pointed to the floor of the plane that was lined metal grates that were just shiny enough to bounce back the blue light from the underside of the vessels. Steve felt his stomach drop, and knew this was a mission they might not come back from. “We have to stop this plane.” He crouched low, looking to see how much of the glowing blue was the energy source and how much was bomb. “Howard said that if they had enough of this blue energy source, mixed with enough explosive, it could be catastrophic.”

Peggy followed his gaze. She didn’t know what enough meant, but she was sure there was more than that on this plane. “How catastrophic?”

Steve stood slowly, fear in his eyes. “Extinction level.”

Peggy swallowed hard, knowing exactly how he felt, because she felt the same dread and responsibility. She took only a breath to commit to it. “We have to stop this plane.”

He pulled the shield from his back and they slowly started to make their way forward and up through the belly of the plane.

Steve paused a moment while they were still alone, his voice barely above a whisper. “Peggy, what happened when you touched the cube?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered back, reaching out and lacing her fingers through his. Even the feeling of the leather of his gloves was reassuring to her now.

“Are you… did you…” He couldn’t quite come up with the words to finish his thought as he looked at her, concerned and nervous.

“I’ve never run that fast before in my life and you know it,” she sighed as she looked up at him, trying to keep herself from worrying and falling apart. “Howard will just have to figure this all out when we’ve finished, yes?”

It was a high hope to believe they’d both make it out of this alive, and they both knew it, but neither said it out loud.

Steve nodded, squeezing her hand before he let go and turned, moving forward again. “When we’ve finished,” he mumbled, trying to convince himself.

Errant Hydra guards were taken out swiftly between the two of them, the trail of bodies behind them growing with each step. It wasn’t long before they’d burst into the cockpit, Schmidt at the controls, protected by a guard of masked Hydra agents.

Peggy knew she’d never punched like this before, never held her balance like this before as Schmidt pitched the plane to try to give his minions the advantage. She knew she was fast and strong, but never like this. She knew something had happened when she touched the cube, she just didn’t dare guess what, or even try to think too hard about how long it might last, or what it was meant to be able to make her do. No, she just focused on masked face after masked face until there was no one left but Schmidt to deal with.

She lifted one of the guard’s abandoned energy weapons into her hands, waiting for Schmidt to make his move.

He kept his spot in the pilot’s seat, the cube in hand, and looked them over. “If I thought there was a chance of swaying you two to my side, I’d be impressed.” Schmidt tipped his head and stood, disappointed. “But you’ve killed nearly all my men, and left me no choice.”

“You’re done, Schmidt,” Steve announced, slowly putting himself between Schmidt and Peggy.

He chuckled slowly, far more devious with the red skin over his features than he had been with the fake skin making him look somewhat human. “Cut off one head, two will grow back in its place,” he spouted, smiling like a demon. “Hydra will live on long after I have made my stand. I am willing to sacrifice for what must be done, are you?”

He turned, flipped a few switches, and the plane lurched again, causing Steve and Peggy to stumble.

Red Skull laughed as he looked back at them. “Auto pilot. Such a lovely invention, don’t you think?” Without pause he pulled his gun from his belt and shot at the console, sending smoke and sparks into the air. “I had planned on dozens of small explosions, a capitol here, a state there… but it looks like one great, big bang will have to do.”

Peggy could feel the sweat running down her back, saw the stress in the way Steve clenched his hands. Schmidt had done it: he’d put all his cards on the table and the plane was taking a one-way trip they couldn’t reverse.

Peggy looked at Steve, felt her heart drop at the desperation in his eyes. He was always so fast to come up with a plan, to know what the next move needed to be. His rueful gaze told her he had nothing.

But Peggy knew what needed to be done, she knew there was only one way this went, and it meant that none of them were walking away from this if they were going to save thousands, if not millions, of lives.  

She brought her weapon up, and aimed it at him, voice cold. “I told you that you had no idea how far I’d go, and it seems I was right about that.”

“Peg, no!” Steve called, stepping forward, trying to get in her way.

Schmidt stepped to the side, putting himself right back in her range. “I don’t think I was, fraulein.” He challenged her with his eyes. “The hero always tries to find another way out.”

“We can stop this plane, Peggy,” Steve whispered, staying where he was.

She didn’t look at him, but kept her eyes trained on Schmidt. “You and I both know we can’t, and we both know what’s at stake.”

Peggy paused, the energy weapon in her hands and aimed at Schmidt. She didn’t look back at Steve, she could already see the panic in his eyes in her periphery, and she was afraid that if she looked at him, she wouldn’t have the strength to do what she needed to do.

She looked at the Tesseract, at the pulsating glow of it, and remembered how warm it had felt when she touched it, how it had almost felt calm and safe. How, for a brief moment, she’d felt like everything she’d ever done had led her up to that moment, and the cube somehow was telling her that it would all turn out exactly the way it was supposed to.

Deep in her gut, she knew it would all turn out the way it was supposed to.

Schmidt laughed, and Steve yelled, and she pulled the trigger.

Peggy wasn’t afraid. Whatever was going to happen was going to bring an end to all of this, and she knew with every fiber of her being this was the right choice as the energy beam hit the Tesseract and bounced back at her.

~*~

The explosion was like nothing he’d ever seen. The weapon hit the tesseract with its own energy, and everything slowed.

He felt the concussive force before he saw the fiery light explode in tendrils.

He felt the plane start to nosedive, fast, and saw the gaping holes in the panel where the controls had been.

He reached out, trying in desperation to fight the freefall of the plane to get to Peggy.

He saw the way the light wrapped around her, cradling her before he could get to her.

He saw the way the light wrapped around Schmidt, the way it didn’t cradle him but how it choked him, strangled him and twisted him until there was nothing left but the burning brilliance of the energy around him and then nothing but the space he used to occupy.

He saw the way Peggy seemed to float.

…the way he knew she was safe.

…the way he somehow knew they were both safe as they floated together in freefall.

…the way they melded together, his shield below them as gravity seemed to take hold again, protecting them as they crashed.

…the way her eyes glowed when she looked at him and the blue light of the Tesseract surrounded them as water started to rush in.  

…the way he didn’t mind as the water surrounded them.

…the way she didn’t either.

…the way he felt calm.

Warm.

Safe.

He felt her tuck into his side, wrap her arms around him.

Then he felt nothing.

[tomakeitbeautifultolive]

Defending Jon Snow’s Honor

Re: "Jon Snow is Trash": Because if you accept the season eight depiction of Jon Snow as credible, then you might as well admit that Daenerys was mad all along.

Disclaimer: This is not a defense of Jon Snow's actions in season eight, but a refutation of his portrayal.

To begin, we must confront the elephant in the room: In season eight, the character of Daenerys Targaryen was butchered both literally and figuratively. It was such a brutal and heinous maiming of her character that by the end of the series, it was impossible to suspend disbelief and accept the inane and illogical choices of the writers.

But when you then turn around and insist that Jon Snow has always been "trash"—it's no different than the people who insist Daenerys has always been mad. The hit job on Jon Snow was, admittedly, a bit more subtle. But it was a hit job nonetheless. Do not let two talentless writers convince you that Jon Snow, at any point in season eight, acted within the bounds of his established character or even within in-universe show logic.

Because he didn't.

And no, I won't put any of this under a cut. Let the sheer length of this post serve as proof, itself, of just how dirty David Benioff and D.B. Weiss did Jon Snow.

The Real Jon Snow

While the writing on Game of Thrones suffered the further the story strayed from the books and from its original creator, George R.R. Martin, season seven—for all its faults and imperfections—still seemed to follow the natural progression of the story. Everyone still felt more or less in-character, particularly Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen.

So, that's where we'll start. To me, season seven Jon Snow is the rough culmination of exactly where I believe his story arc will lead—and it's a great season to help showcase his qualities.

Regardless of any personal preference for characters, in season seven, Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen are equals. She is a queen and he is a king.

When they meet, she appeals to her power and her claim by inheritance in order to convince Jon to bend the knee. Of course, it was never going to be that easy. Jon's a stubborn man and he has no reason to put his blind faith into well, anyone.

It is only upon revealing her true nature—her selflessness and willingness to use her power to help others—that Daenerys earns not only his respect, but his heart.

To say that "Jon Snow was always trash" is an insult to Daenerys and her judgment.

Dany's love for Khal Drogo was born of adaptation, to make the best of a situation she never asked for. Unlike Jorah Mormont, Jon's devotion to Daenerys had nothing to do with her looks. Unlike Daario Naharis, Jon's devotion to Daenerys had nothing to do with her power or status... and everything to do with who she is fundamentally. Jon Snow pledged to fight for Daenerys based on the content of her character rather than her beauty.

Further, Daario Naharis really stood face to face with Daenerys Targaryen, the Mhysa, and said "fuck the people". Meanwhile, it is Jon Snow's mysterious scars that prove he and Daenerys harbor similar ideologies—demonstrating that Jon is willing to stop at nothing for his people—even if it requires giving his own life.

Many have called Jon Snow "stupid" for exactly this, completely missing the point that there are qualities that deserve to be held in higher esteem than self-preservation or cleverness.

Compassion.

Self-sacrifice.

Humility.

Dignity.

Honesty.

When Jon Snow declares his loyalty to Daenerys in the Dragonpit in front of everyone—this is yet another moment people like to point to as "stupid", yet...

"I'm not going to swear an oath I can't uphold. When enough people make false promises, words stop meaning anything. Then there are no more answers, only better and better lies."

Jon Snow's integrity is more important to him than lying just to save his own hide. After all, he tried that once before, and the only thing it resulted in was heartache and regret. Jon Snow more or less asserts that a life wherein he must pretend to be something he isn't—isn't a life worth living.

This is as profound a revelation as it is bold.

Whether or not you agree with his convictions... Jon Snow's moral foundation is as unyielding as Valyrian steel. It is no wonder that this was the man who ultimately won the heart of Daenerys Targaryen. A man whose favor cannot be bought or exploited.

One fundamental change in Jon Snow's character from page to screen, however, is his ambition. This emphasis on his reluctance in ruling becomes an unfortunate cornerstone of season eight. But if Jon Snow's book counterpart—the one who dreamt of becoming Lord of Winterfell, of conquering and leading men into glory—lacks this hesitation, and instead, takes leadership so seriously that he only celebrates becoming Lord Commander with one gulp of alcohol... then what impact could his ambition have on the story?

Upon learning that Jon is Rhaegar's son, it's easy to jump to the conclusion that he'll suddenly start vying for the Iron Throne. But if Jon Snow pledges himself to Queen Daenerys in the books, then we have every reason to believe his word is as good as gold. Jon is not a man who takes his oaths lightly. Nor is he a man who is easily manipulated.

Jon Snow deciding to swear fealty to anyone is momentous.

Take, for instance, Stannis Baratheon. Jon's 'father', Ned, pretty much died in support of Stannis' claim to the throne, so he approaches the boy and appeals to Jon's deepest desire—the first thing he can remember wanting—to become a Stark.

All he had to do was say the word, and he would be Jon Stark, and nevermore a Snow. All he had to do was pledge this king his fealty, and Winterfell was his. All he had to do ... was forswear his vows again. And this time it would not be a ruse. To claim his father's castle, he must turn against his father's gods.

This is not an easy decision for Jon Snow. He spends a great deal of time considering the offer from just about every angle one can. Admittedly, it's hard to showcase deep internal reflection on a television show, so we didn't really get to see that process for Jon on screen. But it's always been apparent that two men of privilege—David Benioff and D.B. Weiss—struggle in writing from the perspective of a bastard. Fundamentally, they cannot fully inhabit Jon as a result, because they've never experienced a lifetime of unprovoked contempt, resulting in an unfortunate lack of depth in Jon's translation from page to screen.

Even so, we do get some insight into the depth of Jon's character in season seven when Theon Greyjoy says to Jon:

"You've always known what was right. Even when we were all young and stupid, you always knew. Every step you take, it's always the right step."

In turn, Jon replies:

"It's not. It may seem that way from the outside, but I promise you, it's not true. I've done plenty of things that I regret."

So, by the time that Jon must decide whether or not to accept Stannis Baratheon's offer, he does so with the consideration of future regret. It is in a reflective moment that Jon decides that his greatest desires are not worth the moral expense.

And so, Jon refuses to betray his father's gods, and remains a Snow.

The Kinslaying Problem

Speaking of gods... Way back in his wildling heyday, Ygritte recounts the tale of Bael the Bard to Jon Snow, in which she reveals a curious detail:

"The gods hate kinslayers, even when they kill unknowing."

While you could make the case that this foreshadows Jon as a kinslayer regarding Daenerys... considering it was their kinship that drove a wedge right through their relationship in show canon, it's safe to say season eight Jon knew full well he was kin to Daenerys when he killed her. So what else could this quote mean?

The "kinslayer who kills unknowing" probably won't refer to Daenerys at all—but the mysterious figure known in the books as the Night's King, of whom all records have been destroyed, his very name forbidden.

But... Old Nan insists we do know his name. At least one of them:

"He was a Stark, the brother of the man who brought him down."

Keep in mind that it's Bran she tells, not Jon. And her words even echo the kinslaying element between these mysterious and legendary figures in and around the North.

Interestingly, one of the most prominent kinslayers in the story is the one who, in season eight, ultimately convinces Jon Snow to murder his queen. And somehow, it takes virtually no effort on Tyrion's part to persuade Jon Snow to commit not only regicide, but kinslaying (whatever happened to "The man that passes the sentence should swing the sword"?)

This may mean nothing in the show, but in the books it's reiterated over and over again we're told how accursed such an act is. And we have a pretty good example that it might be true. Rickard Karstark warned Robb Stark prior to his execution by the Young Wolf's hand:

"We are kin, Stark and Karstark. Old gods or new, it makes no matter. No man is so accursed as the kinslayer."

And we all know the fate that befell Robb Stark.

The Incest Problem

Speaking of kin... let's talk incest! While there's no question that on earth, discovering you've been copulating with your aunt might be a cause for surprise... In Westeros? It's not even considered incest. No, not even in the North, where we're given two examples of uncle-to-niece pairings:

"In Westeros incest is only applied if father lays with daughter, mother lays with son, or brother to sister, and the children of such unions are considered abominations. The views regarding marriages between an uncle and a niece (or an aunt to a nephew) might differ between the Faith and the old gods. In the north, Serena Stark had been wed to her half-uncle, Edric, while her sister Sansa Stark had been wed to her half-uncle Jonnel Stark."

In the original draft of the story, Jon was supposed to have a romantic relationship with Arya Stark—his cousin by blood, but who, for all he knows, is his sister. Seeds of this are still scattered in early chapters of ASOIAF, as illustrated by the sheer tenderness of their relationship in A Game of Thrones.

For years, Arya Stark was the only woman who treated Jon with respect. It's no wonder that his feelings for her have always bordered on romantic (and let me make a clear distinction here—I said romantic, not sexual). Considering that it was George's original plan, it's pretty safe to guess that being a willing participant in an incestuous relationship is not necessarily out of character for Jon Snow, as was predetermined by the man who created him.

Jon Snow is a polarizing character for people who love Targaryens and hate Starks—and vice versa. Whether or not you like it, Jon Snow is a Targaryen. And thus, the Doctrine of Exceptionalism applies to him, which states:

"The Targaryens wed brother to sister as the Valyrians had always done, and as the gods had made them this way, it was not for men to judge." 

While the show canon did next to nothing with Jon Snow's true Targaryen lineage—never forget that the entire reason David Benioff and D.B. Weiss were given the rights to Game of Thrones was that they could correctly answer the question "Who is Jon Snow's mother?"

An incestuous scandal was the best that the lackluster show writers could come up with. And to then accept that the only reason George R.R. Martin penned this central plot twist in his medieval fantasy story exclusively to create some modern-era incest drama is, frankly, insulting.

David Benioff and D.B. Weiss are creatively barren. As barren as... um, Daenerys apparently?

To further exploit the show's lack of logical reasoning—it turns out that, yes, according to show canon, Daenerys was barren the whole time. While Jon doubted the validity of Mirri Maz Duur's claims... he was wrong. And Daenerys was straightforward with him that their union would produce no offspring. And apparently, despite all the wasted dialogue used to foreshadow, she was right.

This means that even within the boundaries of the show's broken logic, the anti-incest angle never held water.

So... if season eight Jon Snow's rejection of Daenerys is what ultimately causes her to "snap", yet it's unlikely that book Jon Snow will feel the same strong aversion about their relation... will she "snap" at all?

The Execution Problem

When it comes to the 'old way', Ned Stark has taught his sons well, Jon Snow among them:

"We hold to the belief that the man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. If you would take a man's life, you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. And if you cannot bear to do that, then perhaps the man does not deserve to die."

When Jon encounters Ygritte, he can't bring himself to kill her despite the command to. She reminds him of his sister, Arya—the girl he loves the most in all the world. And so, he asks Ygritte to yield. Jon Snow, simply reminded of a girl he loves, cannot bring himself to kill Ygritte.

Later, we directly witness Jon applying Ned's logic to his execution of Janos Slynt. After advising Janos on how best to achieve a quick death, he says:

"If you have any last words, now is the time to speak them."

"Please, my lord. Mercy. I'll … I'll go, I will, I …"

No, thought Jon. You closed that door. Longclaw descended.

Like his father before him, Jon advised Janos to speak his last words. And upon hearing them, deemed him fit to die.

This is Jon Snow's execution style.

We see it repeated even in season six when he executes his murderers:

"If you have any last words, now is the time."

Patiently, he waits for each of his four murderers to speak before letting them hang.

This is Jon Snow's execution style.

Alternatively, we see another style of execution when it comes to Jon Snow's own murder, as carried out by Alliser Thorne. Let's just go ahead and refer to this style as dishonorable and cowardly (two qualities that we've now established that Jon Snow does not possess).

Jon Snow was led, unarmed, into a false sense of security—where he was then cornered and stabbed in the heart by his enemies, left lying in a pool of his own blood.

The change in Jon Snow's execution style to suddenly emulate the way in which he was murdered is a cold-blooded betrayal of Jon's character.

But back to Janos.

On the surface, Jon Snow made a snap decision to execute Janos Slynt for disobeying a command—though if we're being honest, it was more-so because Janos was an entitled and sniveling Lannister loyalist that couldn't be trusted, or, a clever political move to ensure Jon’s future safety as Lord Commander.

Jon then severed the man's head as he cried and begged for his life.

You expect us to believe that this man...

...would be bothered by the execution of attempted murderer and traitor, Varys? A man who openly suggested they collude and commit treason?

While the above gif looks a little more like the Jon Snow we know, it’s not. Especially considering the writers tried their hardest to make us believe Jon Snow is incapable of dishonesty and lying, even by omission, he neglects to tell Daenerys of Varys’ treasonous ways. He cannot lie to his siblings or to Daenerys about his Targaryen identity, yet he can omit a very troubling piece of information regarding one of the allies of the woman he loves and is pledged to. What?

Further, compare the execution below with the above gifs of Jon Snow's two executions. He even shows more satisfaction in the deaths of the lives he’s taken than Daenerys did. Varys surviving means Dany’s life will forever be at risk. Not only is Varys an oathbreaker, but he attempted regicide by poison. Having Jon Snow judge Daenerys for this action is a blatant double standard that makes zero logical sense.

And speaking of attempted murderers... Let's discuss Randyll Tarly.

Randyll Tarly is no stranger to Jon Snow. Sam told him all about his father way back in episode four of season one:

"You're almost a man now, but you're not worthy of my land and title. Tomorrow, you're going to take the black, forsake all claim to your inheritance and start north. If you do not, then we'll have a hunt, and somewhere in these woods your horse will stumble, and you'll be thrown from your saddle to die. Or so I'll tell your mother. Nothing would please me more."

So, you're going to tell me that Jon Snow is suddenly perturbed by the execution of a man who both threatened to murder his own son and who betrayed his liege lord?

To fight alongside the Lannisters, no less?

According to the books, this is what Jon Snow thinks of the Lannisters:

"It's death and destruction I want to bring down upon House Lannister, not scorn."

And in case you missed it, this is how Jon Snow punishes those who betray their liege lords:

Maybe you’re itching to argue that it’s Dany’s execution style that is the problem. That perhaps, 'death by fire is heinous and cruel! Beheading and hanging and punching someone to death are all "merciful" deaths!' Because, stupefyingly, that's a popular argument for those that (also stupefyingly) defend Randyll Tarly.

That argument might work if not for the fact that Jon instructed his men to launch flaming arrows at the Battle of Castle Black, thus using fire as a means to kill.

The Arya Stark Problem

We've already discussed Arya Stark a little bit in terms of her deep bond with Jon Snow... but in order to truly show how out-of-character their reunion was, we need to backtrack a little bit.

Upon gifting her Needle, Jon and Arya have this exchange in the books:

"And whatever you do..."

Arya knew what was coming next. They said it together.

"...don't ... tell ... Sansa!"

Not only do the pair have an understanding which excludes their sister or trusting her with sensitive information... when Arya is caught with Needle later on, this happens:

Arya chewed her lip and said nothing. She would not betray Jon, not even to their father.

And when Arya attempts to shed her identity at the House of Black and White, she can't bring herself to part with Needle, because:

Needle was Jon Snow's smile. The Many-Faced God can have the rest, she thought, but he can't have this.

Arya Stark refuses to part with the physical representation of Jon Snow's smile.

For the most anticipated reunion in the entire show, it fell flat. Don't get me wrong, it was exhilarating to see Jon Snow and Arya Stark embracing after being apart for a decade—and Kit Harington and Maisie Williams did their absolute best with the poor dialogue they were given.

But this was not the reunion of two characters who survived some of their toughest challenges by merely recalling the memory of the other. Jon and Arya shared a bond that nothing could tarnish—not even time. A bond that no one—not even their fellow family members—could penetrate.

The nerve of the writers making Arya Stark, one of the cleverest characters in the books despite her age, say that Sansa Stark is the smartest person she's ever met? No. For one, Arya Stark did not need to live as a bastard in order to empathize with them—which means that even as a little girl, she possessed wisdom that is years ahead of her elder sister's.

Much like Jon Snow, Arya Stark is not a character who is easily persuaded by the opinions of others. Which is why she and Jon are close at all—she never once believes the stigma attached to his bastardy, because it's so blatantly obvious to her that his character simply doesn't fit the rhetoric.

I'd be willing to bet that Jon's incredibly loyal sister would trust his judgment in pledging himself to Daenerys. And I won't for a minute believe that the girl who said to Gendry...

"I can be your family."

...would suddenly regress into intolerance, particularly not at someone else's behest.

I won't believe for a minute that the girl who said...

"The woman is important too!"

...would turn around and suggest that the woman who provided her armies, dragons, and resources to save the North should then be discarded afterward.

I won't believe for a minute that the girl who makes allies and friends everywhere she goes would turn around and argue that allies aren't important.

I won't believe for a minute that the girl who named her direwolf after the warrior queen Nymeria, the girl who said...

"He killed the slave?" That did not sound right. "He should have killed the masters!"

...wouldn't at least give the person she loves the most in all the world, Jon Snow, a few minutes to explain why he supports and believes in Daenerys.

Lastly, there is absolutely no reason to believe that Arya Stark would ever betray Jon Snow. It is an insult to one of the purest and tenderest relationships in the entire series to suggest otherwise.

The Winterfell Problem

Even on Jon Snow's AWOIAF Wiki page, he is described as "quick to sense a slight", as well as observant, "a trait he developed on account of being a bastard".

Yet, during the feast following the Night King's death... Jon Snow is suddenly portrayed as oblivious all in service to the plot to alienate Daenerys. Jon Snow's sudden disinterest in the woman he spent season seven so intently studying was both frustrating and compromising to his character traits.

After all, the most impressive leader Jon Snow has ever witnessed followed him into his homeland to save his men for nothing to gain (and in fact, to sacrifice her own men and resources), not just for the man she loves—but because it's the right thing to do.

The writers really expect us to believe that this man, who turned Janos Slynt's insubordination into an example of what happens to men who openly disrespect him and his orders...

...is going to suddenly sit idly by while his own people make a fool of him by disrespecting his chosen queen, and by extension, him.

Don't let the writers believe for an instant that he would stand for it.

Taking a step further back, what in seven hells was going on during that battle?

The betrayal to Jon Snow's character is the most glaring during episode three of season eight, in which the writers really decided to sideline the most talented and quick-thinking swordsman in their cast (next to Furdik—who, by the way, was also sidelined).

Jon Snow conveniently forgets virtually everything he learned from defending the Wall in season four and reclaiming Winterfell in season six. The King in the North who travels all the way to Dragonstone for not only dragonglass, but in hopes of gaining the help of the queen and her armies is really going to let one of those armies gallop head-first into the army of the undead with metal weapons? Jon Snow is the first character in the show to learn that regular weapons don't work against wights!

And while it may not be Jon Snow's fault that the trebuchets managed to make it to the front line of all places, he certainly would've pointed out the flaw in that decision. As well as the placement of the trenches—which physically severed the troops from the safety of the castle upon retreat. Retreat, if necessary, would be a priority for Jon Snow especially, as he, above everyone else, knows that every fallen man means one more undead soldier they must deal with.

And speaking of the trenches...

To add insult to injury, the writers really decided to add a shot of Jon Snow sitting idly next to the trenches on top of Rhaegal, a dragon that he was just using to light the dead on fire, as Melisandre struggled to light them with magic:

What? You mean this Jon Snow?

The Jon Snow that once used his quick-thinking to discover that fire kills wights... doesn't think to use dragonfire to light a trench on fire? Come on.

And since when has Jon Snow ever balked during battle? Of all the characters, he's one of the few who actually understands what the Night King is, how big his army is, what the odds are, and what it's like to be in the midst of not only battles—but ones that are going really poorly.

Yet at Winterfell—the place he fought so hard to reclaim and that he reluctantly went south to rally support for in order to protect it—he suddenly has no idea what to do? He's historically one of the most quick-witted and innovative fighters in the entire show, if not the most.

And speaking of battles...

"We find our true friends on the battlefield"

Whether or not you agree with the writers' choice to have Sam attempt to persuade Jon to commit treason against his queen... I just cannot accept that Jon Snow willingly turns away from his oldest friend in a moment like this:

Even in the most hopeless of situations, Jon Snow won't hesitate to save someone he loves. Like when he tried, against all odds, to save Rickon.

Even with complete strangers, Jon Snow has shown his gallantry.

As well as his aptitude for forgiveness.

Whether or not Samwell Tarly offended Jon, he would never leave him to die. Their principals may no longer converge the way they once did... but never forget that when, in the books, Chett suggests Thorne should kill Sam for being weak, Jon speaks up on Sam's behalf:

"Lords are gold and knights steel, but two links can't make a chain. You also need silver and iron and lead, tin and copper and bronze and all the rest, and those are farmers and smiths and merchants and the like. A chain needs all sorts of metals, and a land needs all sorts of people. You can't hammer tin into iron, no matter how hard you beat it, but that doesn't mean tin is useless."

The Night King Problem

Speaking of the battle for Winterfell... By denying Jon Snow the climax to his story arc—squaring off with the Night King—and instead, granting that honor to Arya Stark (who has no relation to anything happening north of the Wall in either book or show...) it disrupts the natural conclusions for both characters.

Jon Snow and the Night King had unfinished business—at least, that's what all those long and intense stare-downs seemed to indicate. Even in the books, the only POV chapters that mention the Night's King are Jon, Bran, and Sam.

Kit Harington was very gracious when trying to explain why he would've liked to get the killing blow:

"I was a bit pissed off, only because I wanted to kill the Night King! I think I felt like everyone else did, in that it had been set up for a long time, and then I didn't get to do it."

But even in all his graciousness, Kit points out that it's been set up for a long time. And you know what George R.R. Martin has to say about changing your plan mid-stream:

"If you planned your book that the butler did it and then you read on the internet that someone has figured out that the butler did it and then you suddenly change in mid-stream and it was the chambermaid who did it? Then you screw up the whole book because you've got this foreshadowing early on and you've got these little clues you've planted and now they're dead ends... and you have to introduce other clues and you're retconning. It's a mess."

Yet... The fact that Jon Snow vs. the Night King made sense was exactly why the writers chose not to do it!

"We hope to kind of avoid the expected and Jon Snow has always been the hero, the one who's been the savior. But it just didn't seem right to us for this moment." 

Sure, Arya Stark killing the Night King "subverted expectations" (I'm so sick of typing those two words together at this point, but it's impossible not to do when trying to discuss season eight)... but at what cost? The cost of any emotional impact.

Just like virtually everything else in the last season. 

(As an aside, if the writers really felt Arya Stark was the right person to land the killing blow, they should've had Jon lose the swordfight and before the Night King is able to finish him, his ride-or-die sister comes flying out of the darkness to save his life. The audience gets what they were promised and Arya still gets to be the hero in a way that not only makes sense, but fits her character…)

Of course, the showdown with the Night King was not the first major plot point that was teased over the course of the series to be ultimately robbed from Jon Snow.

Nor would it be the last...

The Prophecy Problem

To claim that Jon piercing Dany's heart with a quick sneak attack has any resemblance to the legend of Azor Ahai is a gross oversimplification. Let's take a look at what the legend actually says:

"He summoned his wife. 'Nissa Nissa,' he said to her, for that was her name, 'bare your breast, and know that I love you best of all that is in this world.' She did this thing, why I cannot say, and Azor Ahai thrust the smoking sword through her living heart. It is said that her cry of anguish and ecstasy left a crack across the face of the moon, but her blood and her soul and her strength and her courage all went into the steel."

Yes. Daenerys was stabbed in the heart. That is the only similarity her season eight murder bears to the above legend.

Where was the declaration of love? Where was the permission asked? Where was the consent given? There was no cry of anguish and ecstasy—there was a gasp and a gurgle. Dany's life was not given in exchange for anything, it was simply taken. There was no transference of courage or strength—just a quick and (troublingly) unimpactful "shock" death.

Of course, it's important to point out that Azor Ahai is never even mentioned in the show. And while The Prince that was Promised was mentioned (as late as season seven)... So far as show canon goes, this prophecy meant absolutely nothing in the end.

That makes two of us, Kit.

Jon Snow (and Kit Harington) Also Deserved Better

Aside from George R.R. Martin, the man who knows Jon Snow best, Kit Harington, was overcome with heartache, disbelief...

...and frustration upon reading the treacherous turn his character took in the season eight script.

David Benioff and D.B. Weiss completely neutered Jon Snow's character.

Figuratively and well, maybe literally? Year after year, they have shown themselves to be petty and spiteful with various cast and crew—from Kit Harington to Ian McElhinney to Alexander Siddig to George R.R. Martin, himself.

Remember that stupid dig at Jon Snow's penis size upon his resurrection? Just a dumb joke, right?

Or was it?

It was sure important enough for them to go on record with major publications and clarify that, no, it wasn't just a joke, but canon! Pay very close attention to how it's worded:

"He just had the look. The brooding intensity; the physical grace; the chip-on-the-shoulder quality that we always associate with extraordinarily short people.

There has to be some downside to being Kit Harington, right? It's impossible not to like him. Maddening. The one thing we can do is saddle his character with a tiny pecker."

This isn't about Jon Snow's penis. It's about taking Kit Harington down a peg. Not only did they give Jon Snow a canonically "small penis", they had to give Daenerys lines about how he's "too little for her", to poke fun at Kit's height. You know, because he's apparently "extraordinarily short".

Utterly juvenile.

Much like with Tyrion Lannister, Jon Snow's cleverness far exceeded that of the men who were in charge of writing him—and they failed to replicate it. And so, the further Jon Snow strayed from his creator, George R.R. Martin, the further his IQ dropped until, by season eight, he was reduced to a bumbling idiot shouting at dragons and saying little more than "muh queen". Why? Because if you're actually an idiot, you cannot write a clever person.

As for the books, Jon Snow's true fate remains to be seen. And for as much as I don't want to get my hopes up for a better ending, I cannot ignore that Jon Snow's foreshadowing just doesn't point to futility, and that if it does—George R.R. Martin sure put in a lot of work to convince us otherwise.

As the man, himself, recently said:

"People know an ending—but not the ending."

It is as much an insult to Jon Snow to have Daenerys descend into spontaneous madness as it was for the fans who loved her. Over the years, Jon has proven himself to be a great judge of character—and this was the man who assured Daenerys, in her most vulnerable moment, that she does deserve to be the queen of the Seven Kingdoms.

After all, there’s just no denying their similarities as characters:

"From the very beginning, Jon and Daenerys' stories have paralleled and contrasted each other, with both starting from a position of weakness and insubordination before ascending into leadership roles. Both had to maneuver their way through the difficulties of power while maintaining their sense of justice, and in doing so, had to face many hard decisions along the way. Both were mocked, attacked, and betrayed for doing the right thing. Both reached their low points and were figuratively reborn at the same time, both coming out stronger as a result." -Brandon Jacobs

If you loved Jon Snow prior to season eight, you were never wrong or misled, nor was your judgment unsound. I hope that, somewhere in this post, there was at least one example that reminded you of why Jon Snow was able to win your heart in the first place. Writers who don't understand the most fundamental qualities of a character should not be given the power to rob you of your love for them.

I am willing to bet that like me, and like all of Jon Snow's fans... you know him better than the two men who were granted the honor of writing his television canon. An honor they proved in season eight that they never deserved.

Please do not grant these two incompetent writers and poor storytellers the power to turn you against one character while praising the other, especially when both were ruined beyond repair or recognition.

Forgiving Jon Snow as a character ≠ condoning what he did in season eight, just as forgiving Daenerys Targaryen ≠ condoning mass genocide.

Like Daenerys, Jon Snow deserved better.

[thelightfluxtastic]

PalaDiary Day 4: Moral Code, 5 Pillars

So back in 2018 when I was first starting to be more deliberate about my paladin identity, I tried to codify as specific personal moral code. I used a metaphorical knightly motif to fit the archetype. I tried to introspect on what values and principles I wanted to cover, and was able to conceptualize it as five core pillars. Then, at the end of the day, I would look back on my actions that day in light of the pillars- which ones did I uphold? Which ones did I neglect? Which ones did I act against? What did I need to change moving forward? While I've changed my approach over time, this system still matters to me as my first pass at a paladin oath. It's described in detail below. 1. Nurturing the Light (Joy, Comfort, Satisfaction) Nurturing the light means anything that produces good things. The light rejuvenates and replenishes. Joy is one way light manifests. But seeking comfort when hurt, taking care of one’s body and mind, or working hard on a personal project are some of the ways to nurture light, even if they aren’t inherently pleasant or fun. This pillar is about how one can't fill from an empty cup, and asks the Paladin to take care of themselves and keep themselves safe and capable. Examples: Reading a good book, eating a favorite food, doing regular therapy (physical or mental), getting a hug from a loved one, achieving a difficult project. Symbol: A helmet or armor- that which keeps the knight safe and protected.

2. Sharing the Light (Community, Support, Giving) Sharing the light means bringing joy, comfort, and satisfaction to others, spreading it beyond. This can sometimes be one-sided or energy-requiring, such as giving gifts or providing emotional support. But sharing energy can often be recursive, and produce just as much joy in the sharer, such as when sharing a joyous event with others. This step is crucial to relationship maintenance of all kinds. Examples: Complimenting someone, listening to a friend in need, sharing a meal with someone, 'I saw this and thought of you'. Symbol: A shield. The thing that the knight presents outwardly to others and can be identified by, the thing that can strengthen or protect others.

3. Fighting monsters (Action, Defense, Change) One of the quotes in my book of Arthurian myths is “Nevertheless, he would not let himself be slain tamely”. If Nurturing the Light is about adding good, Fighting Monsters is about removing evil. This can be direct, as when calling someone out or defending someone against bullying. But slow, gradual action- such as political activism- is also necessary so that the monsters are weakened in the long term, or never emerge at all. Examples: Standing up to a bully, protesting, voting, educating someone who is ignorant or harmful, defending yourself from bad-faith attacks. Symbol: The sword, by which a knight actively defeats threats.

4. Following the Quest (Perseverance, Diligence, Effort) I wanted something to represent diligence and commitment. All of the pillars above don't mean much if one doesn't actually follow through. Following the Quest is about consistency and hard work. It means dedicating oneself to a cause (big or small) and sticking with it. It means following through, doing the best one can, and maintaining structure and personal order. Examples: Keeping promises, being punctual, not procrastinating, keeping up regular effort toward one's goals. Symbol: The horse, which carries the knight along quests and gets them to their destination. 5. Respect the Liege (Respect, Loyalty, Honor) While there is a lot to be said about questioning authority and obedience, I feel the Paladin archetype cannot be complete without acknowledging fealty and devotion. Respecting the Liege is about proper deference and social place. It means treating others courteously and as masters of their own experience. It means never taking control of another or acting without their consent- I am not their liege. It also means recognizing that one never truly achieves alone- whether on the small scale of bosses at work, the middle scale of the public works of society and achievements of predecessors, or the universal scale of being a creation of the gods (in my personal faith). This does not mean obeying corrupt authorities that cause harm to others or the world, as that would be a Monster to Fight. Examples: Using correct names, pronouns and titles, protecting the environment, learning community history, thanking someone who taught or helped you. Symbol: The ring. Whether kissing the ring of the king, or the ring given my the maiden as a token of her love, the ring is the object that represents loyalty to another.

How these relate to one another

These five pillars weave together. Nurturing and Sharing the light are most obviously related. Both make good in the world, either focused on the self or on others. Fighting Monsters is the necessary counterbalance. Providing joy to someone does not do much to remove the causes of their pain and fear. Removing a source of trouble does not, in itself, produce positivity. Neither is sufficient alone. But it is easier to have and appreciate light when there aren’t monsters plaguing one, and it is easier to fight and defeat monsters if one has the support and energy of the light. The work together like sword and shield. Following the Quest is what provides backbone to the other pillars and makes them achievable rather than distant, imagined ideals. Together, Nurturing the Light and Following the Quest cover goals and achievements- the quest in the diligence required, the light in the feeling of satisfaction and pride upon completion. On its own, Following the Quest is amoral- it is about means, not ends. It is the pillars of Sharing the Light and Respecting the Liege that add the moral valence of respect and courtesy to others, and place value on things beyond the self.

[flying-elliska]

Shadow and Bone Season 1 Review

Ok so I got distracted by a need to watch all of Ben Barnes' filmography (lmao) but here is my review : It was really fun to watch and it was clearly made with love which is already the main thing with YA fantasy, which is often turned into a soulless moneygrab when put on screen. The actors were GREAT. I did think that the Crows suffered from being mashed up with the Shadow and Bone story, but they were still a highlight. I also think it was a bit rushed, esp. when it came to Alina's training. The costumes were beautiful, I want a kefta now. Plus the crossover fanfic interactions btw the SaB characters and the Crows were just pure joy. Also Milo, obviously <3 I'm in hyperfixation mode so here, have an essay :

The "Shadow and Bone" Characters :

- Jessie Mei Li !!!!!! She really made me like Alina so much more than in the books, she absolutely is the 'human embodiment of literal sunshine' and she was a joy to watch. Her character's arc is cliché but her acting is so expressive and endearing, I really felt for her all the way through. (maybe I'm biased bc Jessie talking about her ADHD and seeing her thrive at the same time is like!!! i love them they deserve all the best.) I like that they made Alina more proactive - even though she does make some stupid decisions... but I just don't understand people who put that down as bad writing, like ??? have you ever met a real person who only makes wise, good decisions ?? a character like that would either be at the end of their story or just in the background because that makes them static. The things with the maps in the beginning does a good job of illustrating how she is just this one girl making rash, erratic decisions out of fear and loyalty and doesn't have a sense of the bigger picture, caught in the tide of bigger events. It works for her character. When it comes to the choice of making her half-Shu, I do think it really makes sense re: her character feeling like an outsider but I do understand the criticisms that the microaggressions felt too relentless and one-note. I am really looking forward to them introducing Tamar and Tolya and hopefully connecting to them over her heritage in a more positive way.

- Mal in the books was one of the most annoying YA characters I've ever come across, so I really liked that they made him much more of a loyal, devoted friend. I found his relationship with Alina cute, it really gives us the sense that these are two orphans who found a home in each other, childhood best friends (and potential sweethearts) separated by war, two army grunts and ordinary people caught up in the wheels of power and war that usually crushes people like them, it's a great way to introduce the dynamics of their world and it's a trope that always makes me emo. It felt a bit too one note to me, though, and too heavily on the nose, like Mal's only personality was his attachment to Alina (and his resentment towards the Grisha) and too much of her emotional arc also relied on him. Them hitting us over the head with the meadow scenes felt like pure telling instead of showing and it ended up being super repetitive and kind of annoying. I am willing to like this pairing, but I wanted more scenes of them just having conversations about things and really understanding why they like each other beyond the whole childhood friends bond that we're asked to accept exists at the beginning. So I hope there's more depth there in next seasons.

- Ben Barnes!!!! Just jksdfhgkdjghdf. I'm not a big villain stan usually and I hated the Darkling in the books but DAMN his performance is just amazing. They managed to make him more sympathetic and human while at the same time making clear the stuff he does is deeply horrible. There's the Magneto-aspect of 'well clearly his methods are fucked up but he's addressing a terrible injustice nobody is doing anything about' that makes it very tempting to root for him ; and again, well, like, Ben Barnes is so hot and charismatic it feels uncomfortable (which I guess is part of the point lol). His loss of humanity is, up to a point, understandable, brought about by despair, loneliness, grief and a sense of powerlessness - living so long he starts to see other people as disposable, losing so many people he stops caring, seeing over and over how hate never seems to stop, etc. It's a logical explanation for going insane.

But the hunger for power is also very much present as a motivation and this ambiguity is there constantly. Does he maybe come to genuinely care for Alina or is it totally bullshit ? I think he does, he's just so fucked up that it comes out as possessiveness and a need to control her. He wants Alina to be his equal but he's incapable of treating her that way. It's tragic, in a sense, but the show doesn't excuse his actions either. Like his monstrosity is a product of this world full of injustice, yes, and that warrants some compassion, monsters are always a symptom of their environment in some ways and dehumanizing them completely is an excuse ; but at the same time, he sabotaged his own cause anyway the moment he started to treat other people like things, as he does with Alina, because that just perpetuates the cycle of violence and hate. At some point he started feeling like he was the only solution and he was owed power for his sacrifices, and he's using his cause as an excuse. When Alina came to him, there was a possibility for redemption, taking down the Fold, and it's a test because there is finally someone on his level of power. But instead of seeking to remedy the power imbalance between them, he made it worse, by lying to her, manipulating her, etc, and the antler collar is the ultimate sign of this.

I love those scenes towards the end (the antler-based body horror has big Hannibal vibes, so messed up). I like Alina telling him they could have had this, that she had compassion for him and his cause, that they could have worked together, and he's the one responsible for screwing it up and this time his claim that he's the misunderstood victim ("Make me your villain") appears delusional and self-serving instead of somewhat justified. The almost-lovers to enemies vibes, the sense of lost potential, and the angst of the whole 'oh you could finally have been loved by people, too bad you fucked it up !', very juicy. There is this fundamental idea that power/respect/love is not something you are owed no matter how good your intentions are or because you're strong or you have suffered or you're willing to commit horrible drastic actions, you have to keep proving you deserve it, and trying to claim power without responsibility of care turns you into a monster. The thing with the stag was an excellent metaphor of the fact that there's things you can't take, they have to be given to you, and the wonderful power there is in understanding that is what allows Alina to harness the stag amplifier's power. This is really when she escapes his grim utilitarian outlook and a different way forward and owns her own power fully on her own terms.

Anyway I hope Alina gets to beat the shit out of him at some point that would be very sexy but I'm also looking forward to see how their arcs parallel and diverge from each other as Alina starts to grapple more with the implications of her power and the harsh dilemmas of war and her own dark side. I want to see him become scared of her, and I feel it will be more visible than in the books where he just has this cold aggressive facade all the time. This one feels a lot more openly emotional which is just a lot more interesting.

- As for the other characters ; Zoya mostly made me sad. The actress has the perfect vibes but I'm not sure I love their take on her character so far, it does make sense in terms of the later books - that she has internalized prejudice regarding her mixed-race heritage, that she is jealous of Alina because of how hard she's fought to get where she is and Alina kind of takes it away from her, etc. But I would have liked to see a bit more of her being badass and sharp-tongued in a clever (even if mean) way instead of spending most of her time being rejected by men and being racist towards Alina. I did like the ending though, of her actually seeing the monstrosity of the Darkling in action and the mention of her aunt. And her brief bonding with Inej was great, just because it was badass but also maybe because it could be a part of Zoya learning to accept her Suli heritage in turn, maybe not right away but in time, when thinking of that part of herself, she won't only think of her parents' ruined marriage and all the pain it caused, but also of that badass and brave acrobat girl who went toe to toe with these really scary monsters without even having any powers and !!!!!

- Also Leigh's cameo was so cute and as an aspiring writer this is just such wish fulfillment

- I honestly think that having the Crows there actually made the S&B story better ? Not only in terms of the much needed levity breaks but also in terms of themes. For instance, Matthias and Nina's story gave us a really raw and visceral view of how the Grisha are hunted. And Inej's relationship to Alina really gave us a sense of what Alina actually means to people who believe in the Saints in a way that doesn't feel just like 'ugh those superstitious people' because we know that Inej's faith is part of what makes her who she is and a person with morals, and something that saw her through the worst moments of her life. It feels so special that she got to meet Alina and given a sign that maybe the world is not completely shitty. And Alina's kindness towards Inej really gives you a sense that she might be, or become worthy of that belief in time, or at least that she wants to, that she's figuring out her power to really touch people's lives might be a good thing, and that she's starting to accept this responsibility more fully. And her arming Inej is a nice parallel to that. I'm very emotional about this scene, because one of the first things we see of young Alina is her taking out a knife to defend Mal from the bullies, because she's protective and brave, but she's also aware the world is a shitty place, and so her giving that knife to Inej is a sort of spiritual transmission and recognition of sorts, that she trusts Inej with that fighting power, that she'll use this knife to defend herself and her loved ones and not abuse it. It's so interesting. And a counter point to the Darkling's fucked up relationship to power that Alina might at some point get afraid she'll replicate. That you could see Alina trying to gather followers and using people's admiration for her like he did but instead she sets them free and empowers them. It's great. And I feel that when Inej takes to the seas, she'll think about Alina. (I do hope somebody tells her Alina's not dead at some point though god). Girls giving each other knives is my spirituality, honestly.

- And I also noticed an interesting parallel between Kaz and the Darkling in terms of being two emo dudes who like to wear black, are prone to violence and have a thing for two very powerful women they think are special and want to have at their side, but of course, they go about it in very different ways. The Darkling comes at it from a place of power while Kaz comes from a place of utter powerlessness, first of all, and he understands why it's important to set Inej free. Him spending the entire season trying to earn enough money to pay off Inej's indenture is the opposite to the Darkling putting that collar on Alina and while I do have issues with how the show portrays him, I do love that. Love is about setting the person you love free !!!! And that confrontation scene was so powerful, when Kaz tells the Darkling Alina was tired of being a captive ! Drag him !

- As for Genya, I liked the actress and her chemistry with Alina, but I'm not sure they did a great job of making her arc very clear, for instance what it means for her to get that red kefta, her relationship with the other Grisha, etc. Her and David are already very cute though. Also very much looking forward to see where that goes.

So yeah I think they did a great job with this bit actually, I enjoyed a lot more than I think I would and even though it is a very tropey story, there's plenty of depth there too.

The Crows :

- I'm a bit more nitpicky about this because I care about these characters so much. I think overall the problem is that the SaB story in the books happens on this massive scale with enormous stakes, and that next to that the Crows' issues feel less important ; it's like their impact is distorted by the gravity of the much larger story. Like for instance, Kaz in the books is very much at the center of everything, this larger than life trickster figure who knows and controls almost everything by sheer cleverness, and he has this sense of allure and mystique that can't happen here, and so his aura just shrinks. On top of that they're not on their home turf. Being introduced to these characters before they've reached their full levels of badass is weird - there is a reason why prequels generally happen after the main stuff, because they count on the love you have for these characters at their full potential to make you interested in their story when they were less badass and interesting. So I had several moments where I was like 'oh this feels wrong'. Tbh the idea that they would even volunteer to kidnap Alina in the first place, what with Inej's backstory, feels kind of wrong, esp since they had no idea of what would happen to her if they succeeded.

- But I still enjoyed a lot of it though, especially the fact that they were this force of chaos in the midst of this bigger narrative that's a lot more self-serious. The bits with the train, or the circus acts were very clever. A lot of the best moments in the show happen when they come to disturb the other plot in unexpected ways. I'm still dead over the whole 'Alina jumps into their carriage' scene, that was fucking gold. The team up at the end !!!! Alina and Kaz making a deal ! Inej stabbing the Darkling !!!! Them stealing the Darkling's carriage !!! They don't give a shit that the story is supposed to be super dramatic it's great.

- Jesper is the one character they completely nailed from start to finish and he's probably my favorite part of the whole show. He's very funny without being reduced to the role of comic relief ; he's just so! damn! cool!!!!!!! I honestly feel this is a thing they actually did even better than in the books, or at least Six of Crows where I felt Jasper kind of disappeared behind Kaz and they insist a lot on his flaws and issues. So before we dig more into those problems I love that they gave him time to be this ultra badass who saves the day several times ; while at the same time, hinting at further developments like his powers or his gambling issues. Kit Young is just perfect, confident without being arrogant, a bit cold when it comes to crime while at the same time being so obviously caring with Inej - I loved their friendship, that was so sweet. My main criticism is that they should have made it clearer he was bi because there are already people calling him gay and that's very annoying. I know some people had a problem with his hookup and like...I can see it's a bit of a cliché...the charming badass bisexual adventurer....it's a trope I kind of love though lmao and the scene itself felt kind of cute and fun. He's not the only person who is shown to have an active sexuality and he's also not the only queer person around and we know he's going to have a more substantial romantic arc later so eh. On a larger note I loved the little casual hints of completely normalized queerness - Nadia thirsting over Zoya, Fedyor and Ivan, Poppy, etc. Having grown up with fantasy where queerness was either completely erased or very tormented and problematic, this was refreshing as hell.

- Inej and Kaz...my faves... They have a kind of relationship which feels so rare and unique in terms of what exists on TV and while I don't feel they entirely replicated it, the core is still there - the mutual respect and building of trust, the longing, the repression, the trauma, etc. One thing I really like is their arc around faith - in the books, Kaz is dismissive of Inej's faith in ways that often feel really shitty and I like that he learns to be more respectful of it. It's very much linked to hope/survival ; Inej keeps this token from her parents and she hopes to find them again ; Kaz tells her it's no use and she'll survive better if she gives up. He believes Alina is a fake, while Inej wants to believe that myths can come true and there is hope for good things in the world. Kaz comes to accept that Alina is the real deal and, out of respect for Inej's faith, to stop pursuing her. I loved the bit about Inej struggling to kill as well - it's the dilemma of what her survival and that of the people she really cares about are worth in such a shitty world - her compassion is a good part of her but so is her survival instinct, and that's the part Kaz represents - that even after she's been through hell, broken in unfathomable ways, even if she gave up all hope and faith in the world, even she becomes dangerous and ruthless to survive, she will still deserve dignity, and to be treated better. And meanwhile she is willing to break her principles, which she holds so dearly, to save him, when he's never had anyone who cared for him like that - enough to keep him alive. That bit in the church !!!!! God !!!!!! Bye !!!!!!! And then him basically calling her his own version of a Saint, that he doesn't believe in miracles but he does believe in her !!! It's very emblematic of their whole arc ; he empowers her to survive in a ruthless world and loves her at her most dangerous ; but he loves her laugh too, he finds her a ship and her parents, he honors her capacity for love and hope even when he can't share it. And she sees that he's capable of doing better, that he's worth caring for. This whole thing kills me honestly and I can't wait to see where they take this next. I'm not mad they're a bit more soft and obvious than in the books, Kaz would just have come across as an an asshole otherwise.

- That said, there are bits of how they introduced their backstories I don't like. I get that making it so Inej was still tied to the Menagerie gave them a very powerful reason to want to kidnap Alina beyond greed so that they wouldn't look like very shitty people. But in the books Inej is terrified by the idea of simply seeing Heleen or the Menagerie and the way they have her interact with her feels weirdly casual and dismissive of her trauma. Also, in the books, the fact that Kaz had to convince Per Haskell to buy Inej's contract through a lot of effort, that he wasn't the one holding that above her head either, made the power dynamics more palatable. I especially disliked the scene where Kaz says he won't free other girls because just Inej is special, it makes him look like he has the power but he's just too much of a callous asshole to do it, and that he just freed Inej because he liked her which is absolutely not what their relationship is about at the start, it's a lot more about seeing Inej's dangerous side behind a facade of powerlessness and relating to her, in a sense, and this scene made it all feel cheap.

- Also, what was that about Inej having a brother ? Not a fan of that either. I'm afraid they're going to make her story all about finding what happened to him, and that's 1) too on the nose similar to Kaz's story and 2) it kind of cheapens her own arc, a female character realizing that what was done to her was wrong, reclaiming her own power and dignity and then making sure it doesn't happen to anybody else, harnessing her personal experience to save strangers, that's so powerful - making it about a family member at first, especially if it's about revenge, it's so much more simplistic and unoriginal and the perspective really annoys me.

- Also not a fan of Per Haskell not being there because he's a very important part of Kaz's evolution, so I hope he shows up eventually - and the way they introduced Pekka Rollins was kind of like...weird and out of place. I just found the Crows' introduction scenes stilted and not as cool as they should have been - well, Jesper and Inej were very cool, but we needed to see Kaz in action first, we needed to see why he's such a menace before we see him flounder later, and I just...I don't know exactly but it didn't work for me. Also this is a very petty thing but I wasn't crazy about the Ketterdam sets, I know this is probably a budget thing but in my head it looked like this incredible mix of Amsterdam and Venice - specific locations in the book directly remind me of parts of Amsterdam I know very well - and instead what we got felt like this very generic London-ish fantasy setting....so boring. Also a lot of scenes that felt to exposition-y. I don't mind that Kaz was a bit softer than in the books, like many people have said some things work in books and don't work on a screen, and you need to make the character's inner dynamics more explicit. But I do agree that, at the same time, he should have been more ruthless towards people outside of his group. Loved that scene where he faces the Inferni though, and how well they illustrated his disability and aversion to touch.

- I don't have that much to say about Nina and Matthias ; I'm still not super sold on the whole 'haha misogyny!' thing and I dislike that so much of Matthias' change of heart relies on the fact that he finds Nina hot. But I did think that the actors had enough chemistry to make their scenes together interesting and cute ; I loved the waffle scene. Even though it's disappointing that they didn't find an actress who was more clearly plus size for Nina, I still think Danielle does a good job bringing her bold, unapologetic energy. I'm really looking forward to seeing the Crows as a whole team.

So yeah, even though the season didn't feel like a perfect, coherent whole, it was just a lot of fun and I really hope they get renewed. In particular I feel like tying the first trilogy to the Crows' story could create such interesting parallels in terms of themes, about power, the cost of survival, hope, trauma, etc etc

[silvokrent]

So since Tyrian's arrest screen didn't list everything he was wanted for, what else do you think he did? My brother thinks arson, I think more along the lines of torture.

It’d probably be easier to ask, “What crimes didn’t he commit?”

I think you’re both right. Arson and torture seem like equally valid possibilities, but they’d have to be the result of context and circumstance. On one hand, Tyrian always struck me as someone that’s adaptive, flexible, and capable of improvisation, which is why I doubt he’d be averse to either. On the other hand, Tyrian appears to have a modus operandi—speed and stealth. Like most Faunus, seeing in the dark (presumably with tapeta lucida, the eyeshine a lot of nocturnal and crepuscular animals have) affords him an advantage many of his victims lack. That, coupled with his stinger, sets him up by default for a very specific tactic: hit-and-run assassinations. Catch your target off-guard, deliver the killing blow, then melt back into the shadows before anyone’s the wiser. Fire lacks discretion, and torture involves prolonged interaction with the victim (which increases the odds of him getting caught, as time/duration would be proportionate to the risk of being discovered).

If a situation called for it (like setting a car on fire in order to distract pursuers), or he was contracted to complete a specific job (like torturing someone for information), then I could definitely see him committing arson and torture. But if he’s recreationally killing, then I think it’s more likely that he’d indulge in his preferred repertoire, envenomation and stabbing.

The nice thing about his criminal record being truncated (with a “see attachment for more details” appended to the file) with multiple redacted sections is that it leaves a lot of room for speculation. Bear in mind that much of this is either conjectural with little supporting evidence, or my personal headcanons.

One of the things that I found interesting about Tyrian’s character was his reverence of Salem. “Goddess” isn’t just an affectionate title or a term of endearment—he literally apotheosizes her. Compare that to how his teammates interact with her. While they treat her with respect, none of them use the same venerating language as Tyrian (“Your Grace,” “my lady,” “our divine savior,” “our goddess”). This tells us that his worship of her isn’t the norm amongst her followers, which also means that he has a reason for doing it.

Personally, I’ve never been a fan of labelling people who commit heinous crimes as crazy or insane—not only because it implicates nonviolent mentally ill and neurodivergent people, and scapegoats them for the actions of others—but because in this instance, it robs Tyrian of the complexity that comes with rationalizing one’s choices. Tyrian’s decision to deify Salem shouldn’t stem from some sort of psychopathology, but rather a logical, personal, or historical precedent.

Let’s reverse-engineer this thought process:

Tyrian worships Salem.

Salem (in Tyrian’s eyes) is the extreme embodiment, manifestation, or expression of cathartic violence.

Tyrian worships this form of violence.

And what else in RWBY’s universe embodies those traits?

The Creatures of Grimm.

So, with that in mind, let’s talk about all the illegal things Tyrian’s done over the course of his life, and more specifically, why.

Archotherolatry: This is a term I coined for my RWBY worldbuilding blog. If you break down the etymology, archotherian (Greek - ruling beast, the scientific term for Grimm) + -latry (Late Latin - worship of), it translates to “the worship of Grimm.” The practice was outlawed by the King of Vale (King Ozark) after the Great War. While the decision was rooted in common sense—like, you really don’t want people to see the Grimm as gods for fairly obvious reasons—Ozark had ulterior motives for outlawing it. You see, Ozark was one of Ozma’s incarnations, and the immediate predecessor of Ozpin. While archotherolatry had been falling out of favor over the last few centuries, it was still a religion with a presence in certain corners of Remnant. Salem used to recruit these cultists directly into her ranks. By making the practice illegal, Ozma was hoping to cut off a potential source of followers.

Prior to meeting Salem, Tyrian was one of the surviving few practitioners of the faith. Not only that, but he had a particular mania about it. Grimm worship in Remnant changed depending on where in the world you went, but one of the recurring practices involved human sacrifice. Now, while Tyrian didn’t subscribe to any specific holy doctrine and wasn’t a member of any secret groups, he did adhere to certain rites and ceremonies. He savored the taking of lives, but even more than that, he enjoyed offering up his victims to the Grimm. During the months that Pickerel spent hunting him down, his trails would often lead him to secluded areas outside cities or towns. There he’d often find a large ornately-detailed circle on the ground painted with blood, with the tattered corpse of the victim lying in the center. The surrounding trees and rocks would sport eye-like patterns drawn in blood, similar to the patterns seen on the bony white protrusions on a Grimm’s body.

When selecting potential victims, Tyrian didn’t discriminate. Gender, age, nationality, race, economic background—they all bleed red, so it didn’t matter. Not technically, anyway. That wasn’t to say he didn’t enjoy abducting business owners that were prejudiced against Faunus, or that he didn’t find ironic humor in sacrificing Huntsmen to the Grimm. He just wasn’t particularly choosy about who he sacrificed.

In a similar vein, I think this is how Salem first learned about Tyrian’s existence. Whenever her scouts or sentries returned to Evernight and reported in, they’d inform her about a man that would drag people into the woods and invite the Grimm to feast upon them. This possibility excited Salem for several reasons: not only was he predisposed to loyalty to her, but the fact that he’d clearly been doing these sacrifices for some time meant he was talented. It took a lot of skill to kill so many people without being caught by the authorities. She needed an assassin, and he would do perfectly.

When Tyrian wasn’t feeding people to the Grimm, he probably murdered for sport. He thrilled in the hunt, in the dizzying slick of blood beneath his fingers, the intoxicating coppery smell, the beautiful song of his victims as they cried, begged, and screamed. Acts of violence honor the Grimm, but in addition to that, he simply relished in the joy of killing. And he was good at it.

Of course, sacrificial manslaughter doesn’t pay the bills, so Tyrian had a day job. Well, I say “day job,” but it was more along the lines of contract killer/thief/kidnapper/smuggler. Tyrian operated largely out of Mistral’s criminal underworld, particularly in the capital (though depending on the work he was doing, he’d travel to Wind Path or Kuchinashi). Potential clients sought him out and hired him for any number of jobs: collect the debt that this person owes me and kill them if they refuse to pay; abduct the member of this rival syndicate and bring them to these coordinates; assassinate someone for me, and bring back proof that they’re dead; transport this contraband (weapons, drugs, Dust) and ensure the shipment arrives safely; kill these people and destroy the evidence; capture this person and extract information from them by whatever means necessary; follow this person without being detected, and collect information about their routine. Although Tyrian preferred jobs that involved bloodshed, he’d still accept contracts for more mundane work (even if he found it somewhat boring). Tyrian didn’t have a ton of dealbreakers in terms of jobs, though he refused to do anything that involved sexual assault. (Even serial killers have standards.)

Destruction of public and private property was likely an unintended or indirect consequence of his work. As much as Tyrian enjoyed wanton carnage, he prided himself on being stealthy and thus had to exercise some level of restraint, so as to not leave behind damning evidence in the form of collateral damage. Breaking a window or kicking in a door is a liability. Accidentally setting off a Dust explosion is a good way for the authorities to track you. That being said, there were a few memorable occasions where Tyrian absolutely wrecked shit up. Perhaps the most noteworthy of these was the day that he was finally captured by Atlesian and Mistrali law enforcement. On the day of his arrest, Tyrian caused nearly 50,000 lien’s worth of property damage, including the destruction of three Paladins.

Tyrian’s name, while spoken among the criminal element, was unknown to the public. Even so, he garnered a reputation as Anima’s most infamous serial killer. People often referred to him by his title: The Ghost in the Mist. (Years later, a documentary by the same name was released. It was an hour-long production that detailed his activity in Mistral, all of his victims, an analysis of his signature, and other relevant or interesting trivia. It even featured an interview with Pickerel, prior to his death. Tyrian absolutely loves this documentary and has re-watched it several times.)

I’m sure there’s more that he’s done that I can’t think of presently, but hopefully this gives you a general idea of all the criminal activity I think he’s committed.

[empanator]

This Was Unplanned, Us Holding Hands

Preview: Apparently, something lighter has taken root inside of her these days. Something that allows her to linger, to forget hesitancy. Only now, she’s afraid she’s misstepped in letting her guard down enough to act naturally without calculation.  Pairing/Characters: OC Miriam x MC Nel, some Portia, a bit of Nadia  Rating/Genre: Friends to lovers/friendship fic, safe for work  Word Count: 2,093 (5 pages) 

Part 1 of MirNel adventures is here!  Part 2 [coming soon]  Part 3 [coming soon] 

Miriam belongs to @apprenticealec 

“Her ladyship will be here in just a moment!” Portia shows Nel to her seat within the grand dining room. They pass by platters and porcelains filled with the most vibrant and aromatic foods the likes of which Nel has never seen. 

The palace sommelier, Miriam, moves in and out of the room, directing an array of servants as they finish the plate setting. Miriam looks over the hard work and mentally ticks each item off a checklist. Nothing is missing, and all is ready, but she notices that there have not been any special requests from the wine cellars. This strikes her as a bit odd, considering her title and all. Thinking there may have been an oversight in the meal arrangement, Miriam presents herself at the end of the table closest to the magician whom she has yet to meet. Now is as good a time as any to make an introduction. 

“Ah, Nel.” Miriam welcomes warmly. “I hope what we’ve prepared today is to your liking. We house an extensive and diverse collection of wine with plenty that pair perfectly with this evening’s meal. Would you care for some samples to best suit your tastes?” 

Nel stammers for just a moment before her answer comes from elsewhere in the room. 

“Oh, that’s quite all right, Miriam.” Nadia gently steps in and subtles a knowing glance Nel’s way. “Our guest does not partake, if I recall from earlier discussions of her forthcoming stay.” 

Nel clears her throat, a hint of red glowing up through her olive cheeks. “That is correct. Though—Miriam, is it? I do appreciate the offer.” She gives a slight bow of her head in respect for the woman, not wanting her refusal to be taken as anything more than preference. 

Introductions and the basics out of the way, Miriam returns to her post with Portia and one or two more servants to ensure the meeting and dining operations pass smoothly. Conversation progresses through Nadia’s intentions for Nel’s employment and their shared expectations. Through the distracting clinking of tableware and bustling of workers, Miriam deciphers just a few points regarding this new guest that have her... thinking. 

For one, Nel is already expressing a quick, earnest, genuine loyalty to Nadia. The more they speak, the more apparent it is that they are of the same mind and will work together wonderfully. And two, Nadia is… or was a dear friend and lover to Miriam. Back when things were different, before she lost her memories and all connection to her. Miriam is relieved that Nadia seems to be making a new, positive connection to someone with whom to share her burden. Someone who can make things easier for her. Someone so willing to step in and make things right, just as she herself had done while Nadia was asleep. If anything could instill within Miriam confidence, faith, and interest in a visitor to this palace, it would be just that. 

Not to mention how kindly Nel regards her, or how many times she glances over to her before embarrassedly averting her deep brown eyes, or the return of that blush when Nadia asks Miriam to escort her to her palace accommodations, or the peculiarly nervous energy she carries along with her the whole way there. Teasing nudges from Portia sure do nothing to downplay any of it. 

For Nel, this whole ordeal is a bit rattling, but she can’t remember the last time she felt purpose. Well, she can’t remember much at all. But being tasked with something so monumental, and in a place like this? It’s all a little unreal, but the people she’s been meeting—the countess, the head servant, the sommelier—seem grounded and true, as does the cause. Miriam chats and tours her through the many halls and corridors, and Nel follows diligently, committing all to memory and admiring the woman’s knowledge and guidance all the while. She finds it easy to pay attention in a leading presence such as hers in this moment. It’s rather exciting, for lack of a better word. 

Once at the guest room, the pair pause in front of the door. “I suppose I’ll leave you to it, then,” Miriam sighs with a slight smirk. But one more thing before she leaves: Beginning again, she drops her voice on the next few words. “Or, if there is anything you need… Anything. You let me know.” She winks, sealing the meaning of her message tightly in Nel’s now-whirring mind. 

Burning up physically, visibly, and at a loss for anything of use to say, Nel stands rigid as a statue with death grips pulling taut her sidebag strap. Miriam merely breathes a small laugh and signals a parting hand wave, bidding the magician a pleasant evening. Nearly stumbling out of her shock and over her words, Nel calls out. 

“Um, I—thank you for showing me the palace. It is quite beautiful. I do hope to cross paths again.” Her tone and complete lack of innuendo strike rather clearly that she means precisely what she says and nothing more. No implications, or expectations. Reaching that understanding together and exchanging soft smiles, they part, Nel entering her new place of residence and Miriam heading back the way they came. 

Time proceeds, and the investigation is fully underway. Through her many searches and explorations, Nel gains greater familiarity with the grounds and its many inhabitants, employees, and visitors. By the same token, she has been running into Miriam and Portia on a frequent basis, gaining both their friendship and their collaboration. This trio keeps quite busy, buzzing around and sharing information, stopping for bits of light fun and relaxation (well, as much “relaxation” as people like them can hope to achieve, at least). Countess Nadia herself is as attentive to their findings as one can imagine, and even she can be seen enjoying company among the group. 

But the closer of friends they become, the more comfortable Nel becomes with reaching out for moments of friendly, physical affection. A touchy-feely type at heart she is, though resigned to small and brief displays that fit within her reserved nature. A comforting hand on a shoulder, picking a spot of debris off one’s clothing, or even offering a shoulder to lean on—these are common and expected of her. What Nel doesn’t seem to realize, though, is how much more open and drawn she is to one particular friend. 

Miriam. 

Nel is trusting her, connecting with her. Subconsciously letting a hand pause against her, a gradual, and admittedly mutual, closing of their respective personal spaces. And Miriam, for all her touch starvation, can’t help but feel each moment linger, the warmth remaining present in body and in mind long after they have parted. With every passing day, she wonders what this means. Since Nel had politely declined her advances not that long ago, when they’d first met, Miriam didn’t want to assume anything. But, boy, does she wonder. In the back of her mind, she may even hold a sliver of hope. 

During one of their near-routine breaks on the veranda, Nel, Miriam, and Portia chat while sipping teas and tasting fresh goodies Portia picked up on her way past the kitchens. Portia gossips about some inconsequential thing, Miriam cracks a particularly well received joke. They erupt with laughter, but something is different. Nel allows herself to laugh joyously, freely—without her usual self-imposed restraint. Without any thought in the midst of her delight, she places her hand squarely on top of Miram’s. A brief squeeze, an absentminded winding of her fingers. With a blush as pink as her hair, Miriam’s widened eyes lock onto Portia, whose jaw is not-so-subtly dropped. Miriam can feel her breath snatching in her throat while her brain attempts to remind her to just breathe. 

Unaware of her lunch companions’ reactions, Nel merely wipes away a tear under her glasses lens with her opposite hand as her laughter reaches its ending sigh. 

To Miriam’s dismay, Portia quickly, loudly excuses herself, obviously gesturing at the new development in Nel’s and Miriam’s “friendship.” 

Miriam nearly scrambles. “Portia, wait!” But nothing serves as a better motive to take an early leave than watching her two good friends flounder on their own. Yes, of course Portia has been picking up on how close the pair were getting, and yes, of course she’s been waiting for this day to happen, and YES, of course she continues observing from just around a corner. 

Nel, startled by what she’d done, snatches her hand back and holds it towards her chest as if to protect it or obstruct it. She hadn’t exactly been distant since her arrival by any means, what with her all warmed up and chummy with even the countess at this point in her investigation, but any and all contact heretofore had been more reserved, or perhaps stifled. As established, she’d been conscious of things like a habitual tap or nudge when sharing files and notes, or a gentle hand on Miriam’s back when she seemed to be having an extra busy day catering to visitors. Apparently, something lighter has taken root inside of her these days. Something that allows her to linger, to forget hesitancy. Only now, she’s afraid she’s misstepped in letting her guard down enough to act naturally without calculation. 

Through an abundance of stuttered apologies, steam may well be rising from beneath her shirt collar with the blush that mars her cheeks and nose. 

“No, no. You haven’t done anything wrong.” The pink in Miriam’s own freckled cheeks grows into a deep red. Sensing it might take more than just that bit of reassurance, and despite her own flustered and fluttering nerves, Miriam opens her hand face-up on the table. An offering. “I actually enjoyed it, but I understand if my reaction made you think otherwise.” 

“You… enjoyed holding my hand?” Tense, but beginning to soften once more, Nel cautiously returns to her place on the table—close to it at least, hesitating to make contact again. 

“Well, technically, you were holding my hand.” Miriam manages to point a teasing smirk her way. 

Oh, stars, I was, Nel thinks. Stricken face, balled fists, tensed posture—everything a silent scream of embarrassment. She can’t believe that this is happening, nor the fact that she’s the one who started it. 

Miriam flexes her fingers and nods. “But, yes. And I wouldn’t mind doing it again, if that’s all right with you?” 

With a tentative brush of fingertips, Nel accepts. She studies the way their hands fit together, now that the gesture is a shared one. Over her glasses, she glances up at Miriam and back down at their intertwined fingers. She gulps with a twitch of her brow before attempting to speak. 

“It is all right with me. In truth, I have thought about this a lot lately, but—” She strokes her thumb into Miriam’s palm, causing the slightest shiver in the woman. Not so far in the distance is a tiny gasp from a gawking Portia, to whom Miriam feigns disapproval in a light-hearted scowl. Nel quickly resumes despite the audience, if only just to settle her nerves sooner. 

“—But I was unsure how you would feel if I were to, um, to as- to ask you on a date.” Shimmering umber eyes search Miriam’s face for a response. 

“Well, are you going to ask me or just think about asking me?” Miriam tries her best to be composed and make Nel laugh with a tease, and while she is successful at the latter, it’s incredibly easy to notice how her voice and hands jitter. 

Nel sighs, amused and not at all opposed to reiterating herself for Miriam’s satisfaction. “I am asking, yes.” 

���Then I would love to.” Admittedly, it has been quite some time since Miriam’s been on a real date. The prospect of it makes her heart scamper around her chest, and in that rush she finds her lips pressed to the back of Nel’s hand. Before Nel can fully react beyond looking like she’s just been proposed to, Portia comes marching around the corner. 

“Okay, okay, I’m back! I promise I didn’t hear too much!” Portia beams as she assumes her seat once more. Excitement radiates from her as she clasps her hands together. “Actually, I heard everything. Sooo when’s the date?!” 

Without even knowing that answer for themselves, Miriam and Nel simply laugh. In this moment, they need only share this air of relief until palace duty calls. And yet, all the while, they don’t let go.

[starrynite7114]

snapshots: time’s up

A/N: My lovelies! I hope you all don’t hate me too much after the previous chapter. I do not think you will like me very much for this update, but at least I’m updating regularly, right?! <3

Honestly, I just want to thank you all. It’s been difficult lately and this has been my outlet for everything that has been going on. I’m truly honored that you all enjoy this story as much as I enjoy writing it. 

The update is pretty long, hope you all enjoy this update. Next one should be up by the end of the week!

Love you all! 

taglist: @iambabyharry​ ; @thegirlwhowritesfics​

EZ shook his head as he watched Angel make out with some club hangaround. This was a familiar sight at this point. Ever since you left 4 months ago, Angel has been on a binge however, it wasn’t always like that.

At first, Angel had hope you were coming back. He frequently checked his cell phone to check if you had messaged him or anything, but it was radio silence. Still, Angel kept the faith you were gonna come home, to him. But then you changed your number and it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. 

Angel completely changed. 

He fucked any woman with legs around the clubhouse and Vicky’s. It was like Angel slept with all these women to spite you, that somehow, someway it would get back to you that he was sleeping around. 

Right after he fucked these girls, he would be at his apartment drinking himself to oblivion. EZ stayed with Angel at his apartment to assure that his older brother wouldn’t choke on his own vomit or something. It was a vicious fucking cycle. 

Yet, Angel still performed his club duties when he had too. When his duties at the club were fulfilled, his vicious cycle began. Bishop and Taza wanted to interfere, but they were letting Angel let it out. They knew he would eventually get over it. 

No, they didn’t think Angel would move on, but they knew he eventually would snap out of this stupor and look for you. When that time came, they would let him do that just so they could get the old Angel back. 

“Prospect,” Coco called out. “Shit, my bad, you ain’t a prospect no more.” Coco smirked. “Habits die hard.”

EZ looked over at Coco who was sitting right in front of him. “Sorry man, what can I get you?”

“Beer,” looking at where EZ was looking, he let out a sigh. “We need to find her, she’s had enough time to find herself.”

“You think she’s just trying to find herself?”

Coco nodded his head. “Yeah man, Chucky forgot to mention that he had seen Y/N leaving the clubhouse upset a month prior she left. Did some investigating on the club cameras and it was the day Adelita let us know she was pregnant.”

“And? Angel ain’t the father.” Gilly joined in the conversation as he grabbed himself a beer. 

“Yes, but if she saw them together, she may have assumed.” Coco took a swig of his beer, moving so that his back was towards Angel. “He’s barely functioning.”

“You guys still have no leads to where she could be at?” All three of them have been trying to find you, but they had to admit, you were good at hiding. Rafael wouldn’t even budge. They didn’t threaten the guy, but they were so close to doing it. He obviously knew where you were, but they couldn’t fault his loyalty. Their patience was wearing thin though. 

“Her sister won’t budge too and she honestly scares me,” EZ admitted, making the two men laugh. 

“Yeah, she’s a number too,” Coco agreed. “She would never give up her sister and she seemed pissed off as fuck when Angel even came by. That’s why I know Y/N thinks Angel is having a baby with Adelita, the letter said it itself.”

“What?” Gilly never read the letter, but Coco and EZ did. 

“In her letter, she said something about Angel having a family and she was happy for him.” Coco was your confidant in the MC. You were close to him, not as close as you were to Angel, but you confided in him when you had your troubles with Angel. That was why you running wasn't exactly a surprise, but he didn’t think you would ever be able to leave Angel. And to be honest, he was upset you cut him off. From what he understood, you still spoke to Leticia, but it was to check on her and even sent her money every once in a while to help out. He wished you didn’t cut everyone off, but he understood. 

At least for now.

“I know, but Coco said it’s no big deal.” Leticia said into her phone as she walked in the clubhouse, Coco’s food order in hand. “Y/N,” she paused realizing her mistake. Quickly her eyes went wide as Coco stood up watching as Angel’s attention moved to Letty. “Let me call you back, I still have homework to finish.”

“Did you just say her name?” Angel questioned as he stood up, pushing the girl off his lap.

“Yes, I was talking to a friend of mine about Y/N cause she used to help me with my computer, whenever it crashed.” Letty cooly lied. “It just crashed so I need to use the computer at the front office, is that cool Bishop?” She turned to Bishop, hoping her explanation would suffice.

“Of course,” Bishop nodded his head, smelling the lie.

“You don’t do your homework, isn’t that why you have detention on the daily,” Angel could sniff the lie, but he knew he couldn’t interrogate Coco’s kid. “You’re lying.”

“I’m not, I have no reason to lie to you.”

“You have every reason to do so, you were always loyal to her.” Angel whispered the last word of his sentence. The ache came when the slight thought of you entered his mind. It was the reason that alcohol had become his confidant, the pain went away whenever it coursed through his system.

“I was, still am, but I’m not sure what this has to do with my phone call about homework.” Coco had to applaud his daughter. When she was committed to a lie, she was all out. 

“Don’t fucking lie to me, you’ve been contacting her under our noses, the least you can do is give me her fucking number.” 

Angel stepped towards Letty, she wasn’t standing down. Coco got in between them, shaking his head.

“Don’t even fucking think about it. My kid said it wasn’t Y/N. That’s the end of that.” Coco turned to Letty. “Let’s go, I’ll stay with you while you do your homework.” He turned back to Angel. “I’m gonna let this slip cause I know you miss her, but watch how you fucking talk to my daughter.”

Angel looked around the room, watching as everyone watched him. He sighed, walking out.

This was driving him crazy. At first, he thought you were coming back, you had to. There was no way you wouldn’t. You were dependent on him as much as he was on you. If he was missing you as crazy as he was, then he was certain you felt the same. 

But then a month passed and you changed your number.

That’s when it truly hit Angel that you wanted to be out of his life. There was plenty of self-blaming at first stemming from his insecurities. Thoughts such as him not being good enough for you, settling for him, etc, it all went through his head. But then the anger would set in and your letter ran in his mind again. He didn’t do anything and if you thought that you two were done, you had another thing coming. Angel hasn’t stopped looking for you even though he wallowed in self pity half the time. He found himself spending time with his father more often, as being alone wasn’t good for him. Sleeping with all these women wasn't doing much for him, since half the time, he was too drunk to be able to do anything. 

“You gonna get your head out of your ass and finally look for your girl?” Bishop questioned as he sat beside Angel on the steps that led to the clubhouse.

“Yeah,” Angel wasn’t as talkative as he was before and the club noticed. They made jokes at first, but they saw the effect your disappearance has had on Angel. Truth be told, this Angel sucked. He wouldn’t joke around with them as much. He could be mischievous at times, but they knew he was fighting to be himself. They never knew how much influence you had on Angel. Well, maybe they did, they just didn’t think you would ever leave for them to see how awful Angel could be without you around. To make matters worst, no one fucking knew why you left. “I’ve been looking for her, if I don’t, I’m gonna go fucking crazy.”

“Who have you asked?” Bishop took a drag from his cigar. 

“Her sister, Rafael, I even fucking called Jake,” Angel hated that phone call with Jake. The surprise in his voice and when he said ‘she finally opened her eyes’, it pissed Angel off. How dare this worthless piece of shit say that to him. Angel hung up on Jake then, trying to gather himself. If he ever saw that motherfucker again, he was going to beat his ass. 

“You called her ex-boyfriend?” Bishop wasn’t surprised at the lengths Angel would go for you, but he didn’t think he would call Jake. The Santo Padre president knew that you wouldn’t go near Jake. You were pissed at Angel, but you weren’t stupid. You were going to go somewhere Angel would never think of. Seeing one of his members in such disarray, it bothered Bishop. And Bishop thought of you as family as well, at this point, he just wanted to make sure you were safe. You wanted space from Angel, that was fine, but Bishop himself needed to know you were doing okay. 

Bishop saw you as one of his own. He knew Angel could be an idiot at times and didn’t think before he did things, but he was almost certain that you didn’t need to leave to make Angel realize he fucked up. 

“I was desperate, believe me, I regretted it instantly.” Angel took another drag from his cigarette. “I feel like I’m at the brink of insanity. I don’t know what I did wrong. Her letter didn’t really leave any answers, if  anything, it just brought on more questions. What fucking family does she think I’m having? Or what fucking girl she’s talking about I should be with.”

“Women, they never give you a straight answer, it’s always riddles.”

Angel managed to chuckle along with Bishop. 

“I found her.”

“What?” Angel looked over at Bishop, standing up, not sure if he heard him correctly. 

“She’s at Flagstaff.”

Angel’s heart dropped. 

No. 

You wouldn’t. 

You wouldn’t go to fucking Gabriel. You didn’t fucking know Gabriel. 

“How’d you find out?”

“Flagstaff president called me, said that Gabriel has been hanging around with her.”

No. 

Fuck.

You wouldn’t. 

Gabriel? 

All these thoughts were running in Angel’s mind. He knew this wasn’t a joke since Bishop wouldn’t pull his leg about something like this. 

“Did he say if she came to the clubhouse?” Angel was proud of himself for keeping his composure. You didn’t leave him for Gabriel, this was all circumstantial. 

“No, he goes over to her place often. He informed me since he didn’t want this to cause a riff between charters.” Bishop stood up as well, leaning against the column. “Told him that not to worry about it, I was certain that Gabriel was just looking out for your girl.” Bishop didn’t believe that, but he didn’t need Angel thinking the worst. 

Angel nodded his head, placing his hands on his waist, his cigarette long forgotten on the floor. He took out his keys, making his way over to his bike. 

“Angel, don’t be stupid. Think before you do anything.” Bishop warned. 

“I’m just going for a ride Bish, I’ll be back in a few hours.”

He definitely was going to come back. After he cleared his head, he was taking Coco and Gilly and going to Flagstaff. If he had to drag you back to Santo Padre, he would. 

He gave you time and now, your time’s up.

==========================

You walked around the grocery store, trying to remember what was in your pantry. Grocery shopping was always fun since you loved to cook, but with this branch of your company here being so new, you’ve had to work overtime and takeout has been your friend. Thankfully, it’s been dying down this past few weeks and you’ve been able to actually explore Flagstaff.

“Hey!” You shrieked as Gabriel placed 6 packs of steak in your cart. 

“What?” He smirked. “I’ll eat it all for you.”

“You should at least share with your brothers,” you shook her head. And you meant his actual brothers since he had 3 younger brothers he was taking care of. 

“I definitely will, we’re having a club party tonight, you should come.” Gabriel has been trying to have you come visit the clubhouse for some time however you’ve been reluctant. You didn’t want anyone else to know you were in Flagstaff. You ran into Gabriel by chance since one of your new coworkers was his younger brother. You took his younger brother under your wing and as a show of appreciation, he wanted to bring you home to dinner. And when you came, you met Gabriel outside and well, the rest was history.

You weren’t dating Gabriel, you didn’t want to date anyone from the Mayans. 

It might get back to Angel. You’re sure he wouldn’t care, but still, you much rather play it safe. 

Being friends with one of them should be fine, as long as you stayed away from the clubhouse. 

“I’m good, I just want to relax after being so busy the last few months.” It was an excuse, sort of. You did want to stay home. You were a homebody. You just wanted to enjoy your Netflix shows and go from there. 

“You know, we both know that you didn’t need to do overtime, you just wanted to keep yourself occupied.” Gabriel wasn’t going to lie and say he wasn’t happy you broke up with Angel. He wasn’t going to push you or pursue you just yet, but once you were ready, he had every intention of asking you out. At first, it was a schoolyard crush, but seeing you around his family, it further piqued his interest. He didn’t care if you were Angel’s girlfriend, he was in Santo Padre, this was Flagstaff. As long as Angel didn’t know you were here, you’d be fine. 

Besides, you had specifically requested, begged Gabriel to not inform Angel of your whereabouts. 

“Perhaps, but the extra cash definitely wasn’t terrible.” You wanted to change the subject. You’ve been good at changing the subject when it came to Angel, but it was getting more and more difficult. Your sister, Rafael and Gabriel haven't let up on it. They all have their reasons. Your sister was becoming annoyed by Angel and was applauding you from walking away from him. Though she has always been on team Angel and does not actually believe he cheated on you, your sister didn’t mind seeing Angel suffer. Rafael just didn’t want you and Angel wasting time when you two have wasted enough time in his eyes. Gabriel wanted you to face your feelings for Angel so you could fully move on, with him. 

“Mami, listen,” Gabriel pulled you towards him, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “I get it, you don’t want to talk about him, but we would have to eventually. I know you’re not ready and I’ll wait for you.”

“Gabriel, I,” you sighed. “I don’t think I would ever date anyone in the MC, Angel would figure out where I am and I can’t have that.”

“We can keep secrets, if that’s what you were worried about.” Gabriel knew it was wrong to pursue you. But you were no longer with Angel. You were single. There was nothing wrong with dating you, but he knew how deep you and Angel’s relationship was. Angel was going to make you his wife. There was a nagging voice in Gabriel’s ear, but he was willing to ignore it for you. 

His club wouldn’t crucify him for this. 

“It’s better we don’t, we’re friends, can’t we just remain that way?” 

Gabriel chuckled. “Always wounding me with the f-word.” He didn’t want to push you either, he didn’t want to be that asshole. If he was going to be with you, it would be under your terms, he would never push you. His mother taught him better than that. “I’ll have you fall for my charm, you just wait.”

You laughed. “You’ll be surprised how good I am when it comes to not falling for pretty boys.” 

“I’m not a pretty boy though, Ivan, maybe, but me, fuck no.” Gabriel’s younger brother Ivan was your co-worker. He was the second oldest between the four brothers and they had their sister, who was the youngest. She felt for her at times, but Gabriel and his brothers didn’t seem too overprotective of her. But make her cry and it was a whole different story. 

“Sure, we’ll go with that,” you teased him as you two continued to walk around the grocery store. 

You definitely appreciated Gabriel’s company. You were surprised that he stuck to you, but you figured that you truly did build a friendship with him while he visited Santo Padre. 

“Has he tried contacting you?” Gabriel questioned as he helped you place some drinks in your cart.

“No, I don’t know, I changed my number, remember?” 

Gabriel chuckled. “Right, sorry, I just assumed Angel would have found a way to contact you by now.”

“Doesn’t matter, I doubt he is, he has a family now.” You never truly went into details with Gabriel since no one knew of Angel and Adelita’s relationship prior to Los Olvidados becoming a part of the MC. You weren’t even sure if people outside of the Santo Padre charter knew about them. You didn’t want to throw the MC under the bus, so you kept the details as minimal as possible.

“It doesn’t make sense, Angel was far too in love with you to cheat. When they would make stops at Flagstaff, he would go straight to a room and talk to you. That was before you two were ever together.” Gabriel wasn’t lying. He knew he was technically helping him out, but he wanted this to be fair. “Maybe you misunderstood.”

“I know what I saw, can we please not talk about it?” Your voice was so little and it upset you and Gabriel. 4 months, you thought that would be enough time, but it really wasn’t. It was still a fresh wound. It was difficult leaving Angel, but every time you would even think of going back, Adelita came into your head. The baby she was carrying deserved to have a complete family and Angel deserved to have a family. You couldn’t provide that for him, you were strong enough to admit that and step away. 

“I’m sorry baby,” Gabriel wrapped his arm around your shoulder, placing a kiss on your head. 

You two finished off your groceries, with Gabriel pushing the cart for you so that you could concentrate on getting what you needed. After paying, Gabriel helped you place your groceries in your trunk. He was the one who noticed the roar of the motorcycles, his attention immediately going towards where the noise was coming from. He saw the back of their kutte and saw Mayans. They parked next to his bike which was a lane over. 

He turned back to you as you placed the last of your items in your trunk. Handing you the last bag, Gabriel took the cart away from your car. 

“I’ll meet you at your place. Stop by that coffee shop you like, can you get me the drink you always bring me?” Gabriel requested.

You raised an eyebrow at him, looking at the time on your watch. “They’re closing in 30 minutes.”

“Better get going then, least you can do by forcing me to push your cart around.” 

“Gabriel!” 

He laughed, placing a kiss on your cheek. “Go, I need some caffeine in my system.” 

You shook your head at him as you got in the car. Thankfully, there was no car in front of you so Gabriel knew you were going to move forward, which you did. Watching till you exited the shopping plaza, he placed the cart at its designated area as he made his way over to his bike. He found Gilly and Coco just waiting for him.

“Gabriel, how you doing hermano?” Coco greeted him.

“Good, what brings you two to Flagstaff?” Gabriel questioned. He shouldn’t play stupid, he knew why they were here. 

“We heard Angel’s girl was here,” Gilly answered, purposely referring to you as Angel’s girlfriend. 

“Angel got a new girl?” Gabriel was digging, but Coco and Gilly knew better than to do anything to him. If anything, it would look bad on them to do something to him when this should have been Angel’s concern.

“Come on Gabriel, don’t make this harder on yourself.” Coco warned. 

“Why would it be? I’m not doing anything wrong. They broke up, hence the reason she’s here.” Gabriel crossed his arms over his chest. “She’s not going back to Santo Padre.”

“That’s not your call.” Gilly didn’t have a problem with Gabriel, hell, he actually liked the guy, but his loyalty was to Angel.

“Look, she’s hurting, I don’t think her going back to Santo Padre is really going to do anything for her.” 

“And keeping her here is doing exactly what for her?” Coco asked. It was nice to see you, he wanted to go up to you, give you some shit for closing him off, but he promised Angel that he wouldn’t approach you. 

“Helping her move on, helping her start over without him.” 

Gilly shook his head. “Again, that’s not your call. This was all a misunderstanding.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.” 

==========================

“You must have been really thirsty, you just guzzled that drink down.” You teased Gabriel as you two made your way down the hall towards your apartment. 

“Well, you had me pushing your cart and now I’m carrying your groceries, so of course I was thirsty.” Gabriel playfully snapped at you.

You laughed. “Didn’t know you couldn’t carry those groceries, I could have just done them.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Gabriel smirked. 

He left Coco and Gilly at the shopping center and hurried to your apartment. He didn’t know where the fuck Angel was, but he had to let you know that the Santo Padre charter knew where you were. Maybe he shouldn’t have told his president he’s been hanging out with you, but he didn’t frequent the club much and they were suspicious. He didn’t need them sniffing around over nothing. 

You walked into your apartment, Gabriel following in tow with your grocery bags in his hands. Seeing Coco and Gilly definitely gave him a fright. He wasn’t scared of them, but if they were here, that meant Angel wasn’t too far behind. Before you could walk in further, you stopped at your living room, surprised by your visitor. 

"Hello mi dulce," Angel greeted you as he sat back on your couch,  his eyes trained on you before shifting to Gabriel, his mouth in a thin line. You could tell he was holding back his anger. 

"You should go," you told Gabriel, turning around to grab the groceries, but he moved it from your reach.

“You’re good, I’ll bring this to the kitchen,” he kissed the top of your head as he passed by.

“4 months, no contact, nothing. And I see you with another man, doesn’t that count as cheating.” Angel’s smugness made you angry. This was breaking an entry, who did he think he was breaking into your apartment. 

“We’re over.”

“That’s a matter of opinion.” He shrugged. “Where’s Ares?”

“He’s at Gabriel’s, he has a backyard so I leave Ares there when I go to work.” 

“You got our dog hanging out at his place now?” 

Gabriel walked back in the living room. “What are you doing here? I didn’t hear about anyone coming from Santo Padre for a visit.” 

“This is none of your club’s concern. Don’t make it your club's concern. Leave.” Angel was trying his best to not fight Gabriel, not wanting to bring any heat like he promised Bishop. But he was getting on his nerves. 

“From my understanding, she’s no longer your girlfriend.” 

“You misunderstood then,” Angel stood up then, making your breath hitch. 

You’ve missed Angel and seeing him in the flesh, was proving too much for you. But you had to hold down your resolve. He has a baby now, you were sure of it. Adelita must have given birth by now. 

You two were done. 

“Let’s go,” Gabriel gently began pushing you out the door, but before you could even make it out, Angel blocked the doorway.

“I don’t think you understand, you can leave, but my girl is staying here with me.”

“She’s not your girl,” Gabriel stood in front of you, further aggravating Angel. Who the fuck did this motherfucker thought he was? You didn’t need protecting from him. “If she doesn’t want to stay here with you, she’s not going to.”

“Who the fuck do you think you are? You’re nothing to her. You think she’s going to be with you now that you presume we’re over? She’s always been my girl and nothing’s going to fucking change that.” Angel snapped. His hands were a ball of fist at his sides, trying to control his anger, but this was a losing battle. 

“Angel, please leave.” You somehow found your voice. 

He looked at you as you stood behind Gabriel. “No.”

“Please, I don’t want to see you. We’re done, we have nothing to talk about.” This was pathetic and you hated it, but you felt so small. You weren’t afraid of Angel, you were just afraid to hear what he had to say to you.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on, but I gave you 4 months. If you think I’m leaving without you, you have another thing coming for you. Whatever is going inside that head of yours, it’s all a misunderstanding. I’m not leaving Flagstaff till you’re with me.” His gaze shifted over to Gabriel. “Thank you for taking care of my old lady, but once we clear this misunderstanding, I’m taking her back to Santo Padre.” 

“Angel, we have nothing to talk about. If you want to talk to salvage our friendship, we can, I just need some time away from you. I need to move on from you so we can be friends.” 

“There is no moving on, what part of I’m not letting you go don’t you get. I don’t know why you think I don’t fucking love you, but you’re wrong. I do.” Angel hated that Gabriel was here for this, but if this was the only way you were going to talk to him, he would live with it. 

You didn’t want to have this conversation, especially not in front of Gabriel. 

“Gabriel, can you please leave?” You requested. 

“No, I’m not leaving you here with him.” Gabriel didn’t turn his back on Angel, he didn’t trust him.

“‘I’ll be fine, Angel won’t hurt me.”

“That’s not why I don’t want to leave you.”

You hugged him from the back, leaning your forehead against his back. His hand wrapped around yours that was resting on his chest. 

“Thank you for being amazing, Angel isn’t going to leave and I don’t want you two to fight.” 

The intimacy of this moment further aggravated Angel, but he couldn’t exactly hit Gabriel while you were holding him.

You moved away from Gabriel. He turned to face you, giving you a small smile.

“I’ll see you later mami, call me if you need me.” Gabriel turned back around and faced Angel. “If I met her first, she would have been mine, I hope you know that." Gabriel confidently told Angel.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, hermano," Angel smirked. “You can go fuck yourself though.”

Gabriel harshly brushed past Angel, closing the door behind him. Angel went to lock the door to assure Gabriel didn’t change his mind and came back in.

“Does he have a key to your apartment?” Angel questioned as he made his way back over to you.

“No.”

Angel nodded his head. “I don’t know what’s going on, but we’re going to talk it out. I’m serious Y/N, I’m not leaving Flagstaff unless you’re with me.”

And you knew Angel was serious, you just didn’t understand why he came after you.

No matter what, you two were done. 

But you also knew Angel, he was the most stubborn man you’ve ever met. 

This was going to be a long night. 

[girllovescomic]

An analysis of our OTP as we go toward the end

With the help of Karen Ly (Twitter), I found this post on Weibo and Google translated it.  I think this really encapsulate what I think of both characters

After watching the 60~63 episodes, my dissatisfaction with the plot has calmed down a bit, not only because the appearance of the king in these episodes is too high (this is the main reason, it is really love every frame of every line) , Also because the behavior logic of most characters can be explained. I think the Hulan episode of 58~59 broke so badly because the changes in Helan Zhen couldn't convince me at all. It was not like he could do it.

Let me talk about Xiao Qi first. Since the battle of Neem Hayama, I have been thinking about his return. I know it will be good, but it is better than I imagined again. Has Xiao Qi changed? Yes, it is not. Xiao Qi is a person with extremely strong inner world and self-awareness. He has gone all the way from the Cambrian to an extremely human minister. No matter how the outside world changes, he can hardly shake his self-constructed spiritual world. He knew exactly what he wanted along the way. He was a hero with the world in mind. Power and status were never the goals he pursued, but the means to help him achieve his ideals, so neither threat nor temptation would let him shake. This is why Wang Lin said that he always looked at people accurately, but he misunderstood Xiao Qi. After all, this son-in-law is not a mortal. From the time when he entered Beijing to be the king to the Lianyu Mountain Incident, Xiao Qi's attitude towards the royal family and the nobles of the Manchu clan was always neither humble nor overbearing, courteous and courteous. After being aware of the emperor’s scruples about his merits, he took the initiative to resign. . He is always smart, sober and restrained. After the return, he did not accept the order twice, and the face of the king did not worship the palace with the sword. He was arrogant and domineering, watching the world, just like the two of the past restraint and forbearance. But when Xiao Qi, who had restrained his modesty at the beginning, could ever afford these nobles? Today, he just didn't hesitate to hide his contempt and anger, for the sake of the dead Ning Shuo soldier, and for his ideals and beliefs. Xiao Qi is a person who has always acted in accordance with his inner rules, and this has never changed. In the past, he thought that by being close to the center of power, he could better realize the ideal of guarding his family and protecting the country and allowing the people to live and work in peace. After Xie Shouzheng's corruption incident and close talks with Zilong, he has realized that the corruption of the court and the family is a chronic disease. It is difficult to heal, so the meaning of retreat was born. Xiao Qi before Lian Yushan should be struggling. Although returning to Ningshuo was far away from the power struggle, he could only keep one side of the country safe and farther away from his great cause. The tragedy of Mt. Neem changed everything. The moment God of War, Xiao Qi, looked hollow and confused. In addition to his extremely overdrawn body, there was probably a collapse of faith and despair of the country and court he tried to protect.

The next few episodes are completely depressive. Xiao Qi is silent. In a one-man show with almost no lines, he cried silently. He galloped in the wilderness, he looked up at the sky in the courtyard, he was by the river. Pressing his forehead lightly against the horse, he grieves, angers, reflects, reconstructs his will, and strengthens his determination to revenge. The accumulated power reaches people's hearts through the screen. With such a layer upon layer of progressive paving, the outbreak after the return is extremely hearty. Xiao Qi came back, and he couldn't get through according to your rules in the past, so just follow my rules and see if any of you has the ability to stop me.

Similarly, the scenes after the return were progressive. When they were refused entry into Ningshuo City, they lowered their stance, were polite and courteous, and had a sincere attitude. When they saw Ningshuo soldiers swearing allegiance to the death, it was hard to hide their excitement. The voice choked for a while, this was the first emotional vent since Neem Yushan suppressed Yin Ren. When I saw Wyen (I love this scene very much, I repeatedly brushed it), the short conversation undercurrents surged and was extremely wonderful. Xiao Qi's eyes staring at Wyan were a little bit probing at first (want to see how many shadows there were in Wyan in the past), and gradually became cold (are you here to welcome me or stop me), and then became threatening and provocative ( Who will do it this time, is it you, Su Yibo), mentioning that Guanglie and Soldier Ningshuo are uncontrollable anger (this is the second emotional vent), and then return to calm, the disappointment and steel The same unchangeable will is chilling. I always felt that Liu Duanduan's interpretation was a bit too much, but this scene was also excellent, and the process of Wyan's inner anxiety, hesitation, and final break was very complete.

This period of entering the city was another highlight moment, and the whole confrontation was relaxed, and it was repeated several times. Personally, my favorite is the body language of the king in this scene, which is really domineering every time he raises his hand and turns around. Hearing the order to accept the order, he slightly leaned over to help the grandmother who was about to kneel down, stepped forward slowly, stopped sideways, and took the order, resolutely and beyond doubt. A few actions have made people see the aggressive attitude of King Yuzhang after his return. He just wants to clearly tell the emperor and these officials that his patience has been exhausted, and he will not leave them half face or give them any more. They stayed a little bit of retreat until the truth was found out and the real murderer came to the rescue. After Ma San arrived, he seemed to be holding a low posture, but in fact he was always in front of him. The connotation of his words is that Xiao Qi led soldiers to threaten the monarchy, committing chaos (you bring 100,000 soldiers, I will agree to anything you want), and put yourself in morals The commanding heights place Xiao Qi unrighteous, thereby confuses the public and avoids Xiao Qi's questioning of Lian Yushan. The confrontation was pushed to the apex when he said "Fight against me until King Yu Zhang is satisfied". At this time, Xiao Qi still looked directly at Ma San, his eyes were not evasive, but he took a deep breath that was hardly noticeable. , Looked up slightly, he was suspicious and inquiring about Ma San, and the anger at him for putting himself here was expressed vividly and vividly in this slight look up. After Wang Su quickly handed everyone a step and got a promise that he could self-check the truth, he took the opportunity to give in, bowed his head, and the confrontation ended. The rhythm of the subtleties is too good.

Talking about entering the hall in white, all the restraints in the front have been pave the way for the most heartfelt lift. As he approached the throne step by step, he was like an angry lion, showing the air of a king. Ma San was forced by such a momentum, his eyes were evasive, and his inner fear was self-evident. Here is an interruption of Wyan's eyes, which are worship, shock, and loss. He probably realized that he would never be able to surpass Xiao Qi. Then, it came to the monologue on Xiaoqi Hall. This paragraph kicked me to the bottom of the pit and never wanted to come out again. This third emotional catharsis directly pushed the contradictions to the peak. The anger, grief, and contempt for the nobles since Mt. Neem poured out like a rainbow, and finally received a meaningful look in front of the throne. At that time, he was as dangerous as a black panther waiting for an opportunity.

Should such Xiao Qi be proclaimed emperor? There are many voices on the Internet questioning that Xiao Qi’s retreat is the "heart of the Father" and the collapse of human design. I think this is a simple and rude categorization in the Internet age. The term "personal design" is even more annoying. How can the complexity of human nature be summed up with a simple facial makeup?��Everything needs to be viewed in the context of an era. Monarchs and ministers are the head of the five Confucian ethics. The usurpation of the king and the killing of the emperor must be a shame in the history books. Even big ambitious people like Cao Cao have scruples. Need to hold the emperor to make the princes. The founding emperors who have changed dynasties in the past have all found various so-called apocalypses and signs to prove that the previous dynasties are exhausted. For Xiao Qi, a hero who takes the responsibility of defending his family and the country and has the world in his heart, he should not be easy to make such a choice. This is not the so-called Father's Heart, nor loyalty, but is restricted by the value system of that era. Of course, Xiao Qi is by no means a pedantic person, otherwise there would be no such thing as instigating many feudal vassals to ask for the gift of nine tins. The key is to see what he ultimately wants to achieve. For a person like him who follows his inner rules, I am curious how Zhou Yiwei will perform and convince us of his final choice.

Let's talk about Awu. Although I still feel that many details of the plot cannot withstand scrutiny, the direction of the character Awu is generally logical. First of all, Awu is not an ordinary woman. She has independent self-awareness and values. The love between her and Xiao Qi is based on the mutual attraction of two independent personalities. The other party. Such a woman naturally has a bigger pattern. She understands Xiao Qi's ideals. She was born in a family and was perfectly protected since she was a child. She didn't realize the taste of betrayal until she was involved in her father's plot and trade as a pawn. I think a drama review I watched before is very well written, to the effect that Awu’s noble spiritual world makes her not disdain to participate in the conspiracy, or even hate those who hurt her (such as Su Jin’er, more It is disgust, that she is a poor person). She hated her for the first time when she thought that He Lanzhen killed Xiao Qi. Xiao Qi is her bottom line, so she will do everything she can to die with him. Regarding the queen mother, after guessing that the emperor's uncle was murdered by her, Awu kept alienating her; after returning to Beijing, she felt compassionate when she saw the tragedy of the queen mother. This is also very controversial on the Internet, but after all, the layout of Neem Hayama has not been fully investigated, and it is understandable to have pity for the aunt who watched him grow up. (Of course, I didn't convince myself too much. There were still omissions in the plot. Ordinarily, she and Xiao Qi should be able to see the role of the queen mother). To Ma San, she was shocked to a large extent. After all, she grew up with her childhood sweetheart. She probably couldn't believe that he had become like this. She chose not to tell Xiao Qi not because she wanted to let Ma San go, but because she didn't think about what the consequences of this incident would be, and how this consequence would affect Xiao Qi and the situation in the world. So I don’t think that the hostess is overwhelmed by the heart of the Virgin. Her response to these people is different, and the way of coping is also considered according to different situations. Regarding the truth about Neem Yushan, she did have a disagreement with Xiao Qi. In the play, she mentioned letting go twice, one was when she went to Beijing to talk at home after returning to the government, hoping that Xiao Qi would not kill more after finding out the truth; Bian, asked Xiao Qi if he could put aside the things in front of him and live his own life. Two times, Xiao Qi didn't agree, he never gave her a promise that she couldn't make (here again). I think it is reasonable to think this way from the perspective of Auntie. First of all, she could not fully understand Xiao Qi’s brotherhood of life and death towards Ning Shuo’s soldiers. Second, she could not fully understand Xiao Qi’s pain and hatred unless he had personally experienced the affairs of Yushan. (On this matter, probably only Hu Yao Understand the king, please refer to See the eyes of the king and Hu Yao reuniting). So I think that although Ah Wu can understand Xiao Qi's ideals of the world on a large scale, he does not fully understand Xiao Qi's will and determination to revenge. She is afraid of the prospect of the rain coming, she is afraid of losing Xiao Qi, and also afraid that Xiao Qi will go on the road of murdering the king for revenge, and even more afraid of the bloody wind that will follow, which change of dynasty in history It didn't come by walking on the sea of ​​blood. However, this disagreement does not mean that the love between 57 has faded. In fact, their lives have been more deeply blended together (Auntie said, you are the most important person in my life; Xiao Qi said, to you never change). Auntie chose to stand with Xiao Qi on key matters. For example, when she entered Beijing, she refused to help Wang Yu persuade Xiao Qi, and followed Xiao Qi twice to bow down. (Here I want to emphasize the background of the times and not follow the rule of the monarch Ceremony is to pretend to be a big deal). He loves her, so he understands and tolerates her care for the family to the greatest extent; she loves him, even if she does not fully understand, she will respect his choice. This is the love between adults without blood.

Other characters who have the same acting online include the prime minister who is always conscientious in his career, and the queen mother who has hysteria to get up and pull his enemies into the water, finally wakes up to the elder brother who is firm in his career, and even the black line of love and brains, Ma San, their wonderful makes My resentment for the first episode of Hulan has fallen, and I moved a small bench to wait for the last 5 episodes...