#at least it did yesterday and today

[baronessblixen]

I used a prompt from this list today: 10. “It’s alright, I’m here now.”

Diana/IVF angst (with a soft ending): Scully is already upset about a colleague's pregnancy and then Diana shows up and makes things worse. (wc: 1,549)

Tagging @today-in-fic @xffictober2023

Fictober Day 3: The Deepest Cut

Those damn hormones.

Scully wipes the tears from the corner of her eyes, careful not to smudge her carefully applied make-up. It’s one thing to break down in the sanctity of her home. It’s entirely different to have it happen at work. There was no way to prepare herself. One moment she and Mulder were getting lunch and the next, everyone was congratulating Agent Winman on her pregnancy.

She felt Mulder’s hand on her back in the aftermath, a steady reminder that he was there for her. She doesn’t remember what she said to the other agent, but she must have said something. And then there was Diana. Who – even though she hardly knew the other woman – was the loudest and the most cheerful. Who, upon declaring that there’s nothing better than babies, looked straight at Mulder and winked.

Scully excused herself, pressing her untouched lunch into Mulder’s hand. She heard him try to ask if she was okay, but she wasn’t, and she knew she couldn't stay and explain. Because of the hormones. There won’t be a baby growing inside her, but her body is as quick to catch up as her brain. Her doctor told her it would take a while for her hormones to return back to normal. Right now, she’s losing her patience. She shouldn’t have tried. She shouldn’t have hoped. How silly of her. But how could she not have tied, not have hoped? A boy – or girl – with Mulder’s smile and his pouty lips. With a thirst for knowledge, a tender heart, and a stubborn head.

She looks at herself in the mirror, her cheeks rosy and full. And for what? Her dream child disappears and all that’s left is her own face and the tears that threaten to fall again.

“Get a grip,” she says to her reflection, wiping under her eyes. She can’t face Mulder like this. One look at her and he’ll know she cried. And she doesn’t have the strength to explain it to him. To shoulder his grief, too.

The door to the bathroom opens and Scully startles, trying to hide the tissues and every piece of evidence of her breakdown.

“Oh, Agent Scully.” There’s disdain in Diana Fowley’s voice as she says her name. Of all of the people in the Hoover Building, it has to be her. Of all the bathrooms she could have chosen, she walks in here, with a smirk on her face.

“Fox was wondering where you’d gone.”

“Just needed the restroom,” Scully says, turning on the water.

“Hmm. Isn’t it just wonderful news, though?” Scully remains quiet. “Agent Winman,” Diana explains needlessly. She’s just standing here, gloating. She doesn’t need the restroom at all. She must have followed her here. Bile rises in Scully’s throat.

“Wonderful news,” she says, turning away from Diana to dry her hands on a bunch of paper towels.

“You know,” Diana says wistfully, “I never thought I’d want children, but now I’m reconsidering it. All you need is the right man.” Her laugh sounds like a Rottweiler’s bark. “And I think I know who’d be perfect.”

“That’s great,” Scully says, trying to sound disinterested. Don’t say his name, she pleads. Don’t say his name. Just as she lifts her head and her eyes meet Diana’s, the other woman opens her mouth.

“Fox will make a great father, don’t you think?”

Will. Not would. As if she’s sure of it. As if she’s sure that she and Mulder will have children. Scully grabs the countertop and holds on tight. If she doesn’t, she might faint. Her dream child, the one with her nose and Mulder’s mouth disappears and is replaced by another one. That boy has Mulder’s mouth and his smile. Just like she’d always dreamed it. But he has Diana’s eyes, her dark hair, and her nose.

“Agent Scully? Did I say something wrong? You look pale.” Her voice drips with satisfaction.

“No, I’m fine,” she says. “I’m just-”

“You’re sad you can’t give him children, hm?” Scully’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh yes, I know. Everyone knows.” Another laugh. This one cuts even deeper and tears Scully’s insides apart. How does she know? How could she have possibly found out about her and Mulder doing IVF? Unless. No, it can’t be. Mulder wouldn’t have told her. Not this. Not her.

“And you know what, Agent Scully?” Her face is so close that Scully can smell her perfume. The unsubtle, expensive scent tickles her nose and makes her sick. “I can. I can give him children. I can be a mother.” Just as she says this, the door to the bathroom opens and Mulder’s head pops inside.

“There you are. I had a pretty embarrassing run-in with Skinner’s secretary just now. Scully, are you-” for the second time that day, she doesn’t let him finish his question, and runs off. She doesn’t care where she’s going, and she can’t see well. She lets the tears fall freely, not caring anymore.

*

“Hey, don’t run again, okay?” Mulder’s voice is soft and his steps toward her as timid. He looks as if he were trying to catch a scared kitten.

“I won’t,” she promises, trying to keep the tears at bay. It’s no use. The closer Mulder comes, the fast her walls crumble. By the time he puts his arms around her, she’s full-on crying.

“It’s all right,” he whispers into her hair. “I’m here now.” His words and his tenderness make her cry harder. She thinks of that night, of the glimmer of hope in his eyes before she told him that it hadn’t worked. That there wouldn’t be a baby. He held her all night, whispering things to her, trying to share his hope and his beliefs with her. Trying to make her see that once again he wouldn’t give up. That he’d shoot for the moon, try and catch it for her, make that miracle come true after all.

“What happened there?” he asks gently, stroking her hair. And she lets him. They’re at work and anyone could walk in. Diana Fowley could see them like this and report them. The thought makes her shiver which in turn makes Mulder draw her closer, his arms tightening around her.

“Mulder, I can’t-” What Diana said to her returns with a vengeance and she frees herself of Mulder’s embrace. He lets her go, his arms slipping away and hanging by his side as if useless when not holding her. “How did Diana know?” she asks out loud, her thoughts going too fast for her.

“How did Diana know what?”

“That I did IVF. That I can’t have children.” The surprise on Mulder’s face is genuine. He’s taken aback by her question and Scully feels almost guilty that she even suspected he’d say something to her.

“I- I have no idea, Scully. I didn’t tell her.”

“You didn’t.” She has to make sure.

“I swear to you I didn’t. What did she say to you? That got you so worked up.” He comes closer again and she lets him in.

“It doesn’t- it doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter,” he says, searching her face. “She said something that hurt you.”

“She said you’ll make a great father.” Mulder’s eyes narrow in confusion. “She, um, she wants to have children with you.” “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. She hates children. Maybe hate is a strong- no, she hates them. I remember her saying that once. She said she even hated children when she was a child herself.” Scully scoffs; she can see that.

“And hey.” She doesn’t dare look at him, but Mulder wouldn’t be Mulder if he didn’t try everything in his power. He tips up her chin. Her eyes are swimming with tears again – or still – but she sees the love in his eyes, in all of his face. They don’t need to exchange those three little words for her to know them, and to feel them deep inside.

“Even if she didn’t,” Mulder says. “Even if she loved children, even if she wanted a dozen of them… I don’t want any with her. That thought never even crossed my mind. I’ll talk to her and-”

“Don’t,” Scully says. “Please.”

“If that’s what you want.” She nods. “I’ll try to keep my mouth shut. You know how hard that is for me.” He gives her a sweet smile and she chokes out a laugh, too. Her sadness weighs heavily on her, but with Mulder here, it feels a bit lighter.

"I can't believe she'd say that to you. I'm sorry, Scully. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," she says in a small voice knowing it's far from okay. She herself is far from okay. “I’m sorry that we-” He shakes his head, still smiling.

“Remember what I said?” As if she could ever forget it.

“Never give up on a miracle,” she repeats quietly, as if afraid to speak it out loud, to tempt fate once again.

“I won’t if you won’t.” He kisses her temple, letting his lips linger. Her eyes flutter close and she soaks in it all in. His words. His love for her. His unbending hope.

It doesn't matter what Diana says or does. She'll never have this. She'll never have Scully's Mulder.

[kirby-the-gorb]

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[lesbianwithchainsaws]

Does anyone wanna talk about horror movies? I wanna talk about horror movies!

[reji-z]

Alright, finally I was able to write something after a long time of a writers block, also this is the first time I upload my stuff to tumblr so yeagh.

For a little of context this is in the spirit's eve of the second year.

It's also up on Ao3 here

First night

The meet-up at the saloon after the spirit’s eve festival is your favorite part of the holiday, everyone is in a good mood, belly full of Gus’s food and some are even slightly drunk already, some as in Shane and you.

You started getting closer to him this past month mostly because of your regular stops at Marnie’s ranch regarding your animals, although it’s hard to say if at some point they were more for catching up with Shane than anything else.

In the beginning it was just about the chickens and whatnot, but eventually you started to talk more, about other stuff, hanging out once or twice and just getting to know each other, and the more you knew him there was this weird feeling about him swelling up deep inside you, a feeling you were trying to hold back as much as you could.

But none of that matters right now, you are sitting next to him at the bar with a couple of empty glasses between you, in silence, just enjoying each other's company.

“So… today was fun, spending it with you, I mean” You break the silence, looking at your finger as you trace it on the rim of your empty glass and rest your head on your free hand “I … kinda have to go now, it’s getting late and i have to get up early tomorrow you know”

Shane turns his head at you way too fast, almost as if your words activated a directive on him “Can I go with you” As soon as the words leave his mouth he realizes what he just said and turns his head away, looking in front of him, at the shelves filled with bottles “I-I mean, if you want to… ”

Was the blush on his cheeks from embarrassment of asking if he could walk with you or just because the saloon was warm from all the people in it, probably the second one, right?

“Uuhhhh… Yeah, why not” you try to not make it obvious that the idea of walking with him late at night excites you, but it feels like your tone betrays you, and if he was more sober, he probably would have noticed.

It takes a while of sitting in silence before any of you finally gets up to actually get out of the establishment, he did first, and you followed him behind only standing by his side once you were both outside.

“So, your place first?, since it’s closer” You ask while turning your head to look at him.

“Sure” He turns to look at you too, and you can’t help but to stare at him, those weirdly charming green eyes draw you in, sitting above eye bags that seem to be permanently glued to him and below some of the prettiest eyebrows you’ve ever seen, and the way the light of the saloon windows lights up his whole face is close to divine, of course he noticed you were staring, and lifted his right eyebrow curiously, breaking you out of your trance and making you whip your head away, feeling your cheeks warm up as soon as he lets out a chuckle “Let’s go”

It was nice, really nice, not only because of the pleasing night breeze, nor the euphoria of the alcohol, but also because of him, walking by your side, it just made you feel happy, somehow, for some reason, a reason that honestly you didn’t want to get into right now.

It… was a short walk, way shorter than you expected, or wanted, now both of you under the ranch’s doorway, lingering, looking at each other, hoping to make these few seconds last an eternity, hoping to burn them in your mind to be able to recall them late at night, hugging a pillow on your bed that felt a little bit too big and too lonely for just one person.

At least that was your reason to stay there, leaving you wondering about why he was still there, why isn’t he turning the doorknob and entering his home to call it a night, why is he also looking at you, into your eyes, maybe he is also—no, that’s a dumb idea, he’s not into you like that, you guys are just friends and—

“Uuhhmm…. do you want to hang out a while more?” What? “I mean, if it’s not too late for you” What? “We can go to the pond right here or something” WHAT? Why is he asking to spend more time with you, and why does he sound nervous, and is he blushing? “Actually never mind, forget I said anything” shit, you are taking too long to answer and he’s backing up, it’s now or never.

“NonoIwanttodothat” shit, too eager.

He smiles, he doesn’t do that a lot, especially if it’s for other people, his smile gets bigger, you feel your heart skip a beat.

“Sooooo, to the pond it is” he says while still keeping eye contact.

“Actually I know a place” Do you?... Oh yeah you do “It’s this small part of the forest with a pond that’s hidden away, it’s pretty nice” 

“Really? That sounds perfect, lead the way” another smile, you can feel your insides stirring around from the mere fact of him smiling because of you, wait, perfect? Why would he say that? No time to think about that though, he said yes, and soon enough you were walking to the secret woods, trying to not make too much noise, as if worrying about the critters noticing you.

Once you reached the path leading to the pond (and certain primate statue that you forgot to tell Shane about) you heard him gasp.

“Wow… I’m surprised I didn’t know about this place” He says while looking around.

“Nah, not really, it used to be blocked by this huge log of hardwood”

“And you cleared the path yourself?” 

“Y–yeah” for some reason it’s kinda embarrassing to admit that, you don’t really know why

“Heh, you must be pretty strong then” huh? Is he… flirting? Probably not, ignore it.

It didn’t really matter that you didn’t answer, you were already standing in the entryway to the clearing, not really being able to see much in the dark.

“Wait here” you said before walking towards the torches you’ve left around the pond to light them up and returning to his side “So? What do you think”

The torches themselves reflected on the clear waters of the pond, the images flickering from time to time thanks to the movement of the fishes below, their light shining into it and making a faint glow all along the shore, and in turn, reflecting into Shane’s eyes, making their color shine brightly, pairing well with the greenery around you.

He turns around to look at you, his eyes still glistening, open more than usual “It’s really pretty” your heart skips a beat once again, you feel your cheeks start to burn up, he’s got to be flirting, right?

“I-I know right” you start walking towards the east side of the pond, hoping he didn’t notice your reaction “Come, let’s sit”

He followed behind you and placed himself to your left, as you lowered to start untying your shoes you hear him let out a scream and jump in place.

“FUCK! What IS that!” he points to your right, into the dark, and you don’t even have to look to know what he saw to start laughing at him, making him turn his head to you with a puzzled face “Why are you laughing?”

“Sorry…” It’s hard to stop the giggles to form a sentence “…It’s just an old statue of a monkey, i forgot to tell you about it”

He drops his arm and relaxes, lowering to untie his own shoes “God, it scared the shit out of me”

Now both of you had your feet inside the pond, swaying them back and forth, sitting next to each other, your hands so close together yet not touching, keeping just enough distance to not make things too awkward.

“So, what’s that statue doing here?” He asks while looking at the woodskips swim circles in the middle of the pond.

“No idea, it has a plate saying something about a search for something sweet” now you are looking in the direction of the statue, just barely being able to make out its shape, no wonder he got scared, it really looks like a monster from here.

“Huh” It’s all he says back, now both of you fall silent again, still the nice kind of silence, the one where the mere fact of you sharing this moment encompass any words anyone might be able to muster, the kind of silence you didn’t realize you were yearning for, the kind of silence that feels just right. “You know…” he breaks it, making you turn your head to him “… It used to be boring around here…” now he’s looking at you “…but you managed to change that”

“Y-yeah, well, I kinda need a change from my old life and…” now his fingertips are touching yours “…t-the whole farm in a small town seemed like that change”

His fingers are getting closer and closer to yours, getting on top of them, moving around playfully and so are yours, sort of intertwining them in a dance without rhythm, it feels nice.

Once again you find yourself staring at his eyes, and by god they looked even better now, you feel like you could just stare at them all day, stare at him all day, his eyes, his eyebrows, his hair, his nose, his cheeks, his… lips, at this point it was pretty much clear that you liked him, there’s no point in trying to shove down those feelings anymore, at least not now, not when his hand is on top of yours, his eyes fixated into yours, his whole body turning to face you as his left hand raised to hold your cheek.

Wait, you quickly glance at his hand with your eyes and then back at him, he’s still looking at you, and gives you a little smile, what is going on, weren’t you supposed to just hang out, what happened, when did this happened, how did it happened, does he really like you as well? If he didn’t then why would he be—

Your train of thought ends the instant his lips meet yours, you didn’t even notice him getting closer, fuck it, it feels nice, you close your eyes to properly enjoy it, his lips are soft, more than you’d expect from someone that is always drinking at least, they are also warm, sharing their heat with you, spreading it trough your whole body and converging in your chest, warming up a body you didn’t even notice was cold.

It really couldn’t get better than this right?, the guy you like kissing you in a secluded spot in the forest away from prying eyes and only both of you to bear witness to a thousand years old demonstration of one’s affection for someone else, wrong, it could get better, and it did when you felt his tongue poking at your lips, asking for permission to explore further, to feel more of you, and who are you to deny such kind request.

His tongue was slow, careful, maybe he was nervous, how couldn’t he, he’s been making all the moves since the beginning and you just can’t have that now, can you? So you took the lead this time, pushing your tongue into his to make it retreat into his own mouth to let you move around, faster, more aggressive, more needy, as if you’ve been craving for this since the very first time you arrived in town, which you may or may not have.

Your tongues were not the only thing moving around, you feel his right hand move from on top of yours to land at your knee, slowly moving up, gripping your leg at times, making you get more into the kiss, but this feels a little bit too much, too far, especially when he reaches your thigh and gets dangerously close to your crotch, a feeling that makes you break the kiss abruptly and lean back, both of your eyes opening as soon as the contact breaks, and what you see is Shane with a worried expression in his face, an expression that makes your heart sink, you hate that look on him and you hate even more that it’s because of you.

“I–I…” you finally open your mouth to say something “…sorry, It’s just–too much”

“Shit, sorry…” he looks so guilty “…of course I would go and ruin things right? God I’m so stupid”

“Nonono, It’s…” the words seem to be harder to come up with now, the whole build up of the feelings and alcohol catching up with you “…I like it, but not right now, not here” it kills you to say no but you really don’t want that “It’s fine, really”

You move closer to him, making him look in front of him once again so you can lean on him, your head falling slightly on top of his, trying to really show him that it’s okay and you are not mad.

He sighs, leaning more into you and, once again, sharing each other's heat, your bodies taking part of this give and take of energy.

“I guess we feel the same way then” you whisper, not looking at him.

He chuckles “I hope so, it would be really awkward if we didn’t” his comment making you chuckle too, this guy, you swear to god, but that managed to ease the mood, now both of you reveling in the comfort of knowing that your feelings were reciprocated.

But alas, no matter how sweet new love may be, it is still not sweet enough for a certain someone in a quest that didn’t seem to be any closer to end.

[sophiethewitch1]

i am trying quite desperately to finish chapter 6 before it reaches 6k but i am. i am losing gang

[creatrixcymraes]

waiting for my painkillers to kick in so I can manage a shower & hair wash

[bluesidedown]

Hey guess what. In 16 days I'm gonna be getting on a plane and flying to [country redacted] and sitting on a beach with my pals for a couple days.

[dummerjan]

one day my anxiety is going to kill me

[izzy-b-hands]

I may be on day two of being stuck in bed thanks to some of the ✨worst back pain I've ever had in my life✨, but the neighbours are outside grilling, the window is open a bit, and it smells so fucking good. I'm not even hungry rn, but I am v much enjoying the second hand good food smells.

[il-predestinato]

.

[chocolatepot]

I've been so stressed today and yesterday that my whole body hurts. 😩 Not even over anything special, half of it is just my brain telling me things are going to go badly down the line, probably. Hurts so much I might take a covid test just in case.

[sneez]

various fairfaxes and a drawing from my english civil wars hiking au which i never posted :-) [id under cut]

[image description:

the first image is a digital drawing of a group of men on a light brown background. they are all wearing hiking-appropriate clothing. from left to right: a young man swinging from a tree; arrows pointing at him read ‘weirdly passionate about hiking’ and ‘like 15′. a man leaning against a tree; arrows read ‘grumpy’ and ‘only here for family bonding with father-in-law’. a man with a cane and one arm in a sling, leaning over to read a map; arrows read ‘has injured himself on every hike so far’ and ‘designated driver’. a man reading a map with a serious expression; arrows read ‘annoyed about everything except hiking and sometimes also hiking’ and ‘only one who can read a map’. a man with his hands on his hips looking at the viewer; arrows read ‘arranges hikes and then doesn’t go on them’ and ‘good at arguing’.

the second image is a collection of four digital drawings of thomas fairfax, a man with long dark hair, a moustache, and a beard. he is wearing seventeenth-century clothing. one is a full-body coloured drawing of him sitting in a chair facing away from the viewer with his legs folded and his hat on his knee. the other three are uncoloured: two are headshots of him as a young man and an older man, and the third shows him sitting at a table reading a piece of paper with an expression of concentration.

the third image is a coloured digital portrait of thomas fairfax as an older man. he is clean-shaven and has long dark hair and a scar across his cheek. he is wearing a dark doublet and a large white falling band, and is looking to the left of the image with a serious expression.

end image description.]

[sarcastic-kaz]

pros of being sick:

im getting so incredibly spoiled by my parents

i got to sleep in and have lots of naps

my mom made me some delicious tea

i got to watch a movie during the afternoon on a school day

my mom went out and got me one of my favourite meals

i got to be comfortable and therefore piss of my sister and she couldnt do anything about it

i got away with not brushing my teeth last night

i get to miss school

cons of being sick:

i feel shitty

i cant enjoy any of the things above (other than the tea and the movie)

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

.

[stinkrascal]

you know what though. today was great writing inspiration. this will happen to brie and vlad now thats how i’ll cope with this