#at school i get a consistent and predictable schedule so i never end up forgetting time exists

[nickbutnodick]

i hate weekends and half days and spring breaks because i unironically love school and this is apparently incredibly strange of me

[mshomestyle]

Cozy inspiration: BakugoxReader - Finally Relaxing

(After looking around the internet, I couldn’t find the source or the location for this photo.)

It had been difficult to get Bakugo to finally take some time off from his increasingly busy hero schedule. Ever since he, Midoriya, and Todoroki broke into Japan’s top ten heroes, it had been non stop work for Ground Zero, and as his significant other, you began to see him less and less. Oh, how you craved for just a rest-filled night cuddled against the man you loved, but your evenings thus far had consisted of you in bed alone trying to stay up in order to see him. And you would end up falling asleep every time, only getting to see Bakugo’s face when you found him cooking breakfast in the morning.

You grew more and more weary, missing your lover’s touch, or even just seeing his face. So, one day you decided that he needed some time off or at least a break. However, in typical Bakugo fashion, he scoffed at the notion, waving it off completely. ‘The second I slack off, Deku and Half-and-Half will get ahead’. Never mind the fact that those two regularly took breaks as far as you knew. You kept trying, though, but were met with similar responses until finally you wised up. You hated to resort to this, but you had to get Bakugo where it was hurt. You needed to do something that he couldn’t ignore.

So, without further ado, one morning, in which Bakugo was scheduled to have a day off (which he never really took), you suited up in outdoor gear, packing all of the essentials that you would need for this outing. And it was no secret to Bakugo that something was up as you paraded to the front door of your shared apartment dressed the way you were and with a big backpack on your back. ‘The hell are you going?’

‘Oh, nothing, nothing,’ you had waved off as you grabbed the doorknob, ‘I just rented this little cabin to stay in for the next few days while I go out mountain climbing.’ That was all you needed to say for Bakugo to rush over to you, hand going to the door to prevent you from opening it.

‘Mountain climbing?! Alone?! You’re shittin’ me, right?’ he asked. With a shurg, you grabbed onto the straps of your backpack pulling at them a bit with a cunning smile, ‘You’ve never been before. You’re going to get yourself hurt!’

‘I’ve never been since you’ve never taken me, Katsuki...You know, like you promised.’ You shrugged, giving a playful roll of your eyes. Bakugo let out an annoyed groaned, rubbing at his temple. You knew him way too well. So, as you had predicted, all of that hard work paid off as Bakugo got ready to go with you, calling his agency to let them know that he’d be out for the next three days. All the while, you just watched in triumph.

The road trip there was rather nice, and you cuddled up in the front seat with a blanket as Bakugo drove to your destination. You couldn’t wait to get to the cabin, having chosen one based on all of the pictures that where presented on the rental website. You also chose something that you knew Bakugo would like as well. Something not too flashy, but sturdy, and that would get the job done. Bakugo wasn’t one for pomp and frill, after all.

Finally as you made it, you settled in, admiring the quaint and cozy-looking place. When you went to see the bedroom, your mind went straight to the past thoughts you had. You wanted to just cuddle in bed with Bakugo without a care in the world, and tonight would be the night for doing exactly that. Honestly, you weren’t sure about which you wanted more: Snuggling with Bakugo or the mountain climbing.

After getting your gear on, and being debriefed by Bakugo-Well, if you could even call it debriefing since he extensively went over everything that could go wrong if you weren’t careful, you set out for the mountain. This was something that Bakugo loved to do, and he had promised, when you were back in high school, that he would take you one day. And while you were incredibly excited for this experience, the main reason why you decided to go with mountain climbing was because of Bakugo himself. With all of that time focusing on becoming number one, you were sure that he wasn’t able to do the things he wanted to. So, you wanted to provide him with the perfect chance to relax and not have a care in the world...Though you were certain, he would go into full scold-mode if you ended up accidentally forgetting his words of warning earlier.

The view on top of the mountain had been breathtaking, but not just because of the beautiful scenery. Your efforts had paid off in full as Bakugo just seemed so calm, so happy, so peaceful. You looked at him, letting out a sigh of relief before slipping your hand over and into his. He held your hand back tightly, eyes looking out at the world underneath you both. All of it was left behind, hero work, rankings, and villains. Neither of you could think about anything other than what was before you, and that had been a goal of yours.

Now finally, after that long and eventful day, you got what you wanted. Actually, it had been much better than you had expected. Once you climbed back down, you went back to the cabin, showered, and changed your clothes. As always, Bakugo demonstrated his culinary skills, cooking some nice curry for the both of you. And while you savored the amazing taste of it, you were really tired after all of the exercise. “Ready for bed?” Bakugo asked with an eyebrow raised after seeing what had probably been your fifth yawn. You nodded, rubbing at your tired eyes.

“Yes...,” you said, voice a bit sleepy, “I want some tea, though.” With a slightly mischievous smirk, Bakugo walked over to you, picking you up with ease and effectively catching you by surprise. You giggled, holding onto him as he carried you into the bedroom and to the bed, spilling onto it with you underneath him. Happily, you ran your hands through his hair as you looked at him, admiring his face before leaning up to press your lips against his. You liked seeing him so relaxed and so lively. You hated it when he was stressed. Pulling back from the kiss, Bakugo pecked your nose, hand going up to cup your cheek, thumb rubbing at it softly.

“Just stay here and relax. I’ll take care of everything else,” he said. With a whine, you lightly hit at his chest.

“No, Katsuki, I want you here with me. We can worry about everything else, like dishes and cleaning tomorrow, alright?” You looked up into his eyes, wanting him to see how serious you were. With a slight chuckle, Bakugo leaned down, giving you another kiss.

“You’re so needy,” he teased you, “Fine, but I thought you said you wanted some tea?” You thought about it slightly, looking away for a second as you did so.

“Hm...Alright, I’ll let you make me some tea,” you agreed, before wiggling out from underneath him to make your way under the covers. Bakugo pulled away from you, watching you with a slightly amused face.

“Let?” he chuckled, before leaving the bedroom. With a smile on your face, you pulled back the covers, cuddling into them. You just felt so comfortable, that you wanted to drift off already. You knew that better things were to come, however, so you waited, fighting off sleep. You were going to make the most of your time here.

Finally, as your eyes were threatening to shut without your consent, Bakugo walked into the bedroom, tea cup in hand. Seeing you all cuddled in the covers, he went over to put the cup on the night table at your side. “Couldn’t even make it one day, hm?” he teased.

“Shuuut it,” you whined, “I just need to rest. I’ll be good to go again tomorrow. Now come here.” With a look of amusement, Bakugo got under the covers with you, and when he finally did you ignored the tea he had prepared, choosing to wrap your arms around him, face going to bury itself against his chest. With a soft sigh, Bakugo wrapped one arm around you. His other arm went to stroke down the back of your head.

“Will you be good to go in the morning?” he asked.

“No, Katsuki, the mountain won’t go anywhere. We can leave in the afternoon,” you told him, nudging him slightly from your position.

“I wasn’t talking about mountain climbing.” As you realized what he actually meant, you could feel your cheeks warming up, and without warning, Bakugo moved a hand under your chin to move your head up. He, himself, was smirking, probably at how red you were.

“I...I mean, yeah, it’s been a while...,” you admitted. To be honest, you were mainly focused on getting Bakugo in bed that you hadn’t even considered that you would also be able to get him in bed. Letting your head cuddle against his chest once again, Bakugo went back to stroking through your hair.

“You picked a good place by the way,” he noted. You couldn’t help but to smile at that, feeling as if you had completely accomplished what you set out to do.

Finally, you got what you wanted, and you hoped Bakugo was prepared to stay like this forever.

[heloisedaphnebrightmore]

You will be mine - Chapter 22. Unforeseen circumstances [Park Jimin x Reader]

Title: You will be mine - Chapter 22. Unforeseen circumstances ➔ Chapter 23. Here! Pairing: Park Jimin x Female!Reader Published: 25 June, 2020 Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore

You will be mine Masterlist | Masterlists

As days passed by, Jimin kept a safe distance from me. He barely talked to me, let alone look at me when we were hanging out together. He rather disappeared most of the times, than to be around me and it hit me hard. I didn't think I had done anything to him to distance himself so badly, but it seemed he thought otherwise. I tried talking to him, asking him if I have done anything, but he just said it'd better if we stayed away from each other. I felt useless against his request, not knowing what I had done to him to deserve to be treated like that.

I was trying hard to forget about him and his behaviour and Joongki was a safe option. He was always around me, making me smile even when I felt myself sinking deep into my negative feelings. He was joking around with the dumbest pick up lines or simply watched me with a smile on his face which let's be honest, made me awkwardly blush.

After days of hanging out and enjoying his company, he decided to ask me out again and I knew it would help me to try to forget Jimin. He was safe. He was comfortable. I said yes. In the back of my mind, I remembered Jimin asking me to be careful, but it seemed so irrelevant and I was certain that I knew Joongki enough to know that he was a good guy.

It was already Friday and our date was scheduled to be at 6pm sharp. I took my time to get ready, peppering myself in a hot, soapy bath with face mask on my cheeks, sipping on my wine. I felt like a million dollar housewife.

Yojin was both excited and reluctant. She asked me to go to her house after the date, wanting to know each and every detail of the date. She was almost begging me for it, making me give in at the end. I told her that I would be by her house around 9pm, knowing that I didn't plan on staying out all night on a first date. That just wasn't me after all. Man have a tendency of wanting something more when they can't get it.

I was getting ready, standing in front of my wardrobe with a completely defeated look on my face. I did not know what to wear and I felt shallow for having such problems while others were battling bigger issues than mine. I heaved a deep sigh and started throwing cloths onto the floor and bed, making a mess out of my usually tidy room.

After about an hour of searching and matching competition with my wardrobe, I found 4 possible outfits that I didn't find utterly disgusting.

As a first option, I was holding onto a black cropped jacket and white long sleeved cropped top, along with black leather trousers and high-heels. I liked the outfit, but it had more of a party theme, rather than a date style.

For the second outfit, I tried going for a less revealing choice. It consisted of a black leather jacket, leather trousers and a pair of boots with a grey loose shirt.

I also had a combination for a third outfit which was my personal favourite. An off shoulder black wool shirt and leather trousers a pair of black combat boots.

The last option was the simplest of them all. A plain black shirt with a v-neck line and a pair of leather trousers and high heels.

I have messaged Yojin as I was incapable of deciding on what I should be wearing, especially as I wasn't sure where we were going. I sent the photos over to ask for her opinion, since she had a much better style and understanding of fashion. Seconds later she already replied "Third."

I put on the chosen outfit, used some mascara and sat down in the living room. I barely waited 5 minutes when I heard the doorbell ring. I opened it and found a happily grinning Joongki standing in the doorway with a bouquet of red roses in his hands. I took it from him with a 'Thank you.' and placed into a vase in the living room while picking up my bag.

We headed to his car which was a very elegant, black Hyundai Sonata. The same car my dad was driving, it was hard to miss. He opened the door for me and waited to close it until I got myself comfortable. I walked to the driver's side, took his seat and started the car.

It took us about 20-30 minutes until we got there, but I didn't feel the time. He was joking around about how he wasn't sure what to wear, because he wanted to impress me, but he didn't want to over dress. I found it comical that boys could have the same silly issues like girls.

As we stepped into the restaurant, my jaw dropped at the sight. It was beautiful even if it was borderline cringey. The dark warm lights gave a romantic vibe to the restaurant, while the dark brown oak tables and furnitures made it more elegant. There were no seats, only booths, separating the couple from each other.

A man, who I assumed to be a waiter, lead us to our table, which Joongki had reserved previously. I took a seat and Joongki sat down on my left side, his gaze not leaving my profile as we received the menus.

"Do you like it?" He asked with a cheerful smile.

"It is very pretty. Although it is quite obvious from the setup and the whole design that it was specifically created for couples" I replied.

"I might have had ulterior motives." He grinned, making me chuckle at him as I shook my head.

"Why am I not surprised?" I asked rhetorically. I looked at the menu in my hands, flipping through the pages. The restaurant was serving English and American dishes. Looking at the pictures, right next to the meals, a burger caught my eyes and the melting cheese on its side forced my mind to set on it. As the waiter came back, I gave my order to him with iced water on the side, while Joongki ordered a piece of rare steak with mashed potatoes and a can of coke. As we were waiting for our food, we started talking casually.

"You know, I always see you hanging out with those guys that half the school worships." He scoffed and I could tell he was not a big fan of them.

"Yeah, we are friends. My best friend is dating one of them so it got us closer to each other." I explained with a soft smile.

"And how is it that you are still single." He asked and for a second I wasn't sure how to reply.

"I guess I seem to chose the wrong guys." I replied with a deep sigh, Jimin's face appearing in my mind.

"That's a shame. You deserve to be treated well." He smiled softly and I gladly returned his expression. "I hope I will be an exception." He placed an arm around my waist as he looked into my eyes.

"So far you are on the right path." I chuckled which caused a smirk to appear across his face. He slowly leaned closer, but just about an inch away, I placed my index finger on his lip. "Patience, darling." I smiled lightly. However he didn't take it badly, an even bigger smile appeared on his face.

"Very well then." He replied leaning back.

As we received our meals and started eating, the conversation turned comical. I had promised myself never to order burger or pasta when on a date again. I had sauce around my lips which I tried desperately wiping off, making Joongki laugh at my struggles. Then I decided to cut my burger instead of trying to shove it into my mouth, which ended up falling into pieces. I huffed with an annoyed look on my face, but I could see that Joongki enjoyed my clumsiness.

"Adorable." He chuckled, but I just shook my head as my mouth was full. He kept reassuring me that he didn't mind the mess I created and it made him feel more at ease too. I was glad, even though I was losing my remaining dignity faster than I could have predicted.

As we finished our food I went to the toilet to freshen up, while I sent a photo to Yojin of the restaurant, that I took when Joongki left for the restroom. It took her a couple of seconds to send me back an emoticon with a middle finger. I chuckled at her supporting behaviour, before I exited the loo and placed my phone in the pocket of my trousers.

We walked to the front of the restaurant, where I tried to pay for my part, but he didn't let me, taking my card out of my hand as he paid with his, before returning it to me. Although I didn't mind paying as I was the one eating my own food, it did feel good to be treated like a lady. I couldn't find any fault in him which made my ever growing smile glued to my face as we walked out.

But then Jimin appeared in my mind unexpectedly. I huffed in annoyance, before I hid my displeased expression, not wanting to explain to Joongki my strangest thoughts of the boy I liked while I was on a date with a boy that liked me. It would have been ridiculous.

"What would you say about going to the playground near by?" He asked with a cheerful smile and I looked at my watch, which showed 8pm. I had time before I had to go over to Yojin's so I nodded and followed him as he got hold on my hand, linking our fingers. Walking through the park, with its warm, dim lights, making it a romantic and comforting sight. I felt the evening breeze coming through the trees, sending a chill through my body as the coldness hit my exposed skin.

"It's here." He said pointing at the entrance of the playground. It took us about 10 minutes to get there, but I didn't even realise the time until I looked at my watch.

"It's cute." I spoke with a grin. "Although it's quite dark. If I didn't know you I could have thought that you wanted to kidnap me." I chuckled as the playground barely benefited from the lights of the park, giving it a darker shade.

We walked around the playground and I sat down in one of the swings. He stood behind me and started pushing me higher and higher. I felt like an excited little child. I felt nostalgic and careless. I hadn't been able to enjoy such childish activities for so long, I even forgot how refreshing it felt. I started slowing down and I could feel that Joongki wasn't pushing me anymore. I put my feet down on the ground and looked behind me. Joongki stepped back, making me frown at his strange behaviour.

"Is everything okay?" I asked with a suspicious look in my eyes. I heard footsteps from the entrance of the playground and my head quickly snapped towards the unexpected noise. I couldn't see the person's face, but I could clearly make out his silhouette. I had a very bad feeling all of a sudden and Jimin's warning tone and worried expression came into my thoughts. I swallowed hard at the negative aura I sensed and I felt dumb for not listening to his cautions.

"Well... well... well... what a cute couple we have here." I froze at the familiar voice as I recognised his identity without a doubt.

Notes: If you enjoyed it, don't forget to like the chapter. Thank you :)  

[sofiasmusings]

Did I do it?

Welcome to this year’s edition of “did I do it?” where I look back at last year’s goals and ask myself...did I do it? I’m still trying to think of my goals for 2020 so this will suffice for now. 

1. Work out consistently

What I said last year:

I feel like getting into working out is no problem for me. I’ve got the motivation, I’ve got the gear, but… I don’t always have the time. Last semester my workout schedule became pretty sporadic due to late nights and long shifts at my job. I told myself that lifting heavy pots at work and being on my feet for five hours was enough of a work out but boy was I wrong. At first it felt nice not having to dedicate two hours of my day to the gym, but eventually it caught up to me and I started missing the calming sensation that a routine activity provided me. Not only that, but I remember climbing a flight of stairs while talking to my friend, and once I got to the top I was trying my hardest not to lose my dignity as I huffed and puffed between sentences. I realized that working out actually helped me feel better emotionally and physically, and that I liked how working out forced me to organize my day. I live and breathe organization, so even putting the time slot into my calendar made me feel better.  This year I also hope to maintain a work out journal because who doesn’t like to look back and feel great about the progress they made??? (Also, sometimes I go to the gym and forget what weights I was using for each exercise so that would probably help as well)

The verdict: kind of! I worked out pretty consistently this year after March. The first three months were rough and working out was definitely not a priority. It was also in those months that I realized how crappy not working out makes me feel. As for a journal, it got too tedious to keep up because I’m not exactly trying to build crazy amounts of muscle. In fact, I don’t want to continue growing because I can finally fit my thighs in my jeans lol. I’m using the Popflex 12 week fit journal now to track my daily habits and it’s helped a lot. 

2. Start a savings account and save money every month

What I said last year:

I’d say keeping track of spending is one step to becoming a more successful adult, but I would also say that making sure to save is equally as crucial. I’ve already made a habit of tracking what I spend and what I earn, but I haven’t been doing so great with putting money aside to save…so that’s definitely a goal this year.

The verdict: Yes! I did start a savings account and during each pay cycle, a certain amount is deposited directly into that account before my consumerist tendencies get the best of me. If I have extra money I also like to throw it in there (get yourself a cash rewards credit card!). 

3. Update this blog

What I said last year:

I started this blog because I wanted a place to put my experiences and lessons I learn about the world. I think that I am someone that tends to think through problems and situations internally and through writing. I often find that this helps me reason through problems and most of the time it helps me come to a conclusion.

The verdict: Kind of? I did really bad for the first 11 months but does my dedication to this blog in the last couple days count? They always say it’s never too late...Anyway, something awoke my interest in blogging so 2020 is going to be wild. 

4. Continue updating my art instagram

What I said last year:

I started my art instagram because I got into making digital art in the later part of my high school. I soon came to realize, however, that artist block is a very real thing. Sometimes I would post every day, and other times I would post every other month. I started the account under the premise that I would post a sketch every day, but I don’t think it was realistic for the schedule that I had at that point. I do hope I can start doing something like that again, at least to challenge myself. Also, sometimes I draw celebrities and tag them in hopes that I will be noticed…but the time hasn’t come yet.

The verdict: Nope. I think I uploaded maybe one or two pictures. I think I’ve done a good job of picking up reading and blogging again but this one’s going to take some time. I really miss drawing. 

5. Find a job

What I said last year:

It’s crazy because my goals used to be “Find an internship” but now it’s all about finding a job. At the end of the day I just really want a job that allows me to grow and provides me with training and leadership opportunities. I believe that I have had experience in a lot of different types of work environments and fields, and if there’s anything I’ve noticed, it’s that I adapt pretty quickly to my surroundings. No matter where I end up, I just want to do my best.

The verdict: Yes! I’ve been working for 1.5 years now. In fact, I had to choose between two job offers at one point. The job I found (or rather, the job that found me) has allowed me to grow and has provided training and leadership opportunities. 

6. Update and keep up with my skin care routine

What I said last year:

Ya girl needs some serious edits to her skin care routine. It’s been a fight since middle school to keep my skin clear, but I think something in my routine is finally working. Obviously I need to monitor my stress levels, sleep schedule, and diet, but I’ve also been spending quite some time researching different products. Here’s to clear skin in 2018!!! Also I need to drink more water because sometimes it’s 11 PM and I realize I’ve only drank one cup of water.

The verdict: Yes! Hydration, sleep and diet really help. I rarely have new breakouts and I notice they usually appear around my period or when I eat really greasy food. Investing in good products also helps...I’ve dropped some $$$ at Sephora and discovered Banish Acne Scars and these products have helped me control my acne. Now I’m focusing on finding the right balance for my skin and fading my scars. 

7. Establish Daily Routine

What I said last year:

I’m a routine type of person and whenever I complete a routine, I feel pretty darn good about myself. I’ve gotten into a small routine here at home over winter break:

Wake up, wash up, eat breakfast, read for a couple hours, write in my journal, draw something, apply for jobs/do work, dinner, watch some TV, and go to sleep.

Routines don’t even have to be that rigid for me. For example, I might aim to remember to take my vitamins every morning after I wake up.

The verdict: YES. My routine’s so crazy that I can predict things now, like how many stoplights I’ll get on the way home. During the week, I wake up around 5:10 - 5:30 am and either do a home work out or go to the company gym. I’m usually at my desk by 7:30 - 8 am and have lunch at basically noon sharp. I leave between 4:30 - 5:00 every day. I strength train Mondays and Wednesdays and do HIIT on Tuesdays and Fridays. Saturdays are my yoga days. Sundays are meal prep days. I think there’s a downside to having routines (especially if you’re like me) because when something changes slightly it throws me off. So...next year’s goal is flexibility?

8. Take more photos

What I said last year:

In 2017, I started a 365 instagram account in which I posted one picture every day for the whole year. I hope to continue doing that, especially since I recently got a new camera. I felt really satisfied seeing my whole year put together in one photo diary, and I look forward to seeing how 2018 will be. The verdict: Yes. It does not matter how slow you go as long as you don’t stop. I might’ve missed a couple days (ok sometimes weeks) on my 365 instagram account, but it’s still going strong after 3 years! While I do think it’s unique being able to look back on your life in pictures, I’m not sure I want to continue it next year. We’ll see. Maybe I’ll commit to another daily/routine thing such as creating a certain piece of content. 

Did I do it? 

5 yes’s 

2 kind of’s

1 nope

Not bad at all. I mean, if I completed all eight goals it would’ve been over for all of you lmao 

[lethe-distillery-blog]

The Most Dangerous Game

"Oh yes," her voice was the faintest of moans in my ear, "just like that."

I honestly didn't know how I got here. Sure, I could tell you all the points that started my evening off and how they eventually lead here. But as for how it all happened, I had no idea. I had come to the bar to forget. Not really that it ever worked but persistence has to count for something, right? It all started after a long, long day.

"Hey Rob," I called out to Robert Pakam, owner and proprietor of Hunter's Den, the small bar that I frequented more than I liked or should. Still, it was a nice atmosphere. Rob was a fair man, beer was cold, food was good, and it was a pleasantly crowded place. Nothing crazy loud, even on weekends when Richard Jackson, I had gone to school with him, what? Christ, must be pushing fifteen years now, and his motley band played on the small stage. It wasn't my favorite of listening, blues or country tones, but still it was enough to give Rob some extra money and kept the old coin-operated jukebox in the corner from dying, not from a lack of effort on its end though. Rob was always bitching about it not working but I had yet to make the mistake of suggesting an upgraded sound system, I had seen the results of that particular line of stupidity.

I went over to my usual haunt. A back corner that I could watch the entire building, bathrooms were on the far wall, bar on my left and main entrance on my right. T.V. was a bit too close for comfort, but, there wasn't much I could do about it and the small hit to my hearing was worth the hold I could maintain on my sanity. I sat heavily, tired, I hadn't even bothered to change. All well. Fuck what everyone else thought, Only thing that may make anyone twitchy was the bulletproof vest, and that wasn't coming off. Likely not for a month. I shivered in memory but forced a smile for Rochelle, Rob's daughter, she helped her Mom and Dad run the small place. I didn't think it was struggling, it was full most of the time and most people talked about the brew that Rob used from local places. I was sure it was a good bet that if Rob decided he liked your beer suddenly the locals would like it too.

"Galactic Space Dragon IPA," Rochelle's baby blues twinkled at me and I raised one in return as she set the tall frosted glass in front of me on a small napkin already saturated with condensation. The liquid inside was a light hue of gold. Dandelions on a hot afternoon. Yeah, that color. It looked filled with carbonation and the head was a brilliant white foam. I had always tried the newest thing on the menu. Why the hell stick to the same thing if you aren't sure you're going to die tomorrow?

I took a long sip, savoring the fluid on my tongue, rolling it around before swallowing. "Very carbonated." I murmured, it felt like a soft drink going down more than beer. I took another sip, "it tastes nearly like grapefruit on the first taste before it mellows out." She was nodding, she enjoyed sampling the local things with me, though only recently had she started asking what I thought of them. Beer had been beer, cold, refreshing, good on a hot day. But, as I forced myself to focus on it more, each did, in fact, have its own variety and I could start to pinpoint what I didn't like in certain ones instead of simply discarding the whole company. "It's smooth though."

"Yeah, and it almost has a chocolaty taste to it." she paused for a moment, "mind if I catch a lift after work?" I was usually around until closing anyway, "don't exactly want to bug mom and dad, it's supposed to be their anniversary tonight." I nodded at her before I took another sip, focusing. It had a rich taste, a little sweet. I wasn't quite sure if it was chocolate-like but it was a complex variety of flavors, not quite unlike chocolate, though I was leaning more towards coffee. Someone called and Rochelle rolled her eyes and I tracked the man as she placed on that fake smile of customer service. He was a regular, farm hand, Warren if my memory was good. Which it was, but Warren had never been one to stand out in any way other than being a stuck up jerk so I had promptly put him out of my thoughts. Becca waved as she noticed me on her way out of the kitchen. I lifted a hand in response, not quite a wave but I didn't do well with the idea of drawing attention to myself.

I had just comfortably finished my beer and was people watching, the sleepy townsfolk a comfortable distraction I allowed myself. I recognized a few familiar faces. Joe, Tom, and Brady. Three old men that came every dinner; bangers and mash with mushy peas, with a pint to wash it all down. Monday through Saturday. They were so predictable I was sure I could set a nuclear clock to their consistency. Arrived at six thirty exactly and left an hour and a half later on the dot, and got incredibly grumpy if they were held up for any reason. They had caused so much of a fuss that Rochelle actually stepped in to run the till for the three of them if Rob or Becca were busy.

"There you are," I smiled at Becca as she came over with a massive plate. I already knew the contents though she spread it before me with a grand flourish. "We were getting worried when we hadn't seen you around. Worried you had finally met a bear that was bigger and meaner than you."

I grinned at the comment, though I was exhausted and the smile took a lot out of me. "Impossible," I picked up my silverware, "we all know how grumpy I am, I send them whimpering back to their mothers." Becca laughed, and thankfully, left. I wasn't feeling sociable. It was too tiring to pretend all the time that I was normal, that I was just one of the guys. That I was a big game hunter that traveled all over the globe for the next big thrill. Rochelle had been all sorts of bothered until I showed her picture of me on my last holiday a few years back with an elephant, a small dart sticking out of its body. I did enjoy a good hunt, and the more vicious the animal the more cunning, the better.

That's why I didn't hunt strictly the four-legged variety.

I took a large bite of the roast beef almost moaning at it. Fuck, Becca made an incredible plate of food. It took everything in me to not devour the entire spread, instead, I ate like a civilized, if not educated, man. Roast beef, yorkshire pudding, gravy, green beans and a few of Becca's to die for cookies. She had swatted me the once I had accidentally said that colonial blasphemy inside her domain, within these four walls they had erected a wonderful, and proper, English Pub, complete with flags and a picture of Queen Elizabeth the Second. It was, different, that was for sure, especially for being in the middle of nowhere, but I had found I enjoyed the small haven. They were good people, and that was rare to find.

Rochelle supplied me a glass of water, I knew better than to drink to excess, even now, the beer was affecting me more than I wanted it to. Blasted schedule and not eating regularly. Hell, I didn't even remember the last time I ate. Thirty hours ago? I took a long draught of water, draining half the glass in a long swallow, doing my best to dilute the alcohol. I knew better than to even lose a single facet of control. I wanted to drink, I wanted to promise oblivion, and I knew myself well enough that if I got lost just enough to convince myself to buy a second, there was no stopping me after that. I did not need a repeat experience.

I looked up at the bell at the door and looked at my watch, 7:37 flicked back at me. I looked up and frowned at the unfamiliar figure entering, a tiny, vivacious blonde that I immediately pegged for someone passing through. She had a quick and easy smile her eyes flashing, though they did wander about the room with the slow deliberation of one that knows more than that quick smile intended to put forward. Rob greeted her and spread his arms as if showing her his entire establishment. My guess, she asked where she should sit. It was pretty relaxed around here, find yourself a spot and sit there. Rochelle will be with you, or if you wanted a drink, ask Rob.

Much to my surprise, and distaste, she made a beeline for me. What the shit? She smiled, forcing me to smile back or seem rude and that wasn't what I needed right now. "I'm Brianna ." She offered me her hand and I shook it. Her skin was soft, warm, despite the cool spring air. It felt slightly oily, freshly lotioned. It smelled of peaches.

I forced my smile, not outwardly reacting at all to the twitch that had just gone through my entire body. "Judd." I didn't bother with the last name as she hadn't either. She sat, not asking for my permission. Rochelle came over, her blues not quite as friendly, her smile a bit forced. Brianna asked for fish and chips and a coke. Rochelle sent me a look and I was pretty sure that she was jealous of my uninvited guest and wanted an excuse to move her. I gave her a smile, just the twitching of the corner of my lips but she backed off leaving me to look at my guest. "So," I fucking hated small talk, it was useless and served no purpose in all the damn universe, "what brought you here?"

"You looked lonely," she shrugged as if this were a statement of fact and not a very different answer than what I had been expecting. "I thought that I could sit with you. You did have an empty chair." I did, and I couldn't exactly fault her logic. We passed it in amiable small talk, though I let her do most of the talking while I just listened. Brianna was an intriguing young woman. She had recently started her own business and I had every confidence that she could make it and I made sure she knew it watching as she delicately sipped at her drink.

I let her eat in peace, talking around a wedge of pie I had asked Rochelle for. It felt like I should, otherwise I would just stick out more. Brianna too got upset with me for killing animals needlessly until I showed her the picture and explained the hobby I had, that I played off as a job. What was with women and killing animals? Christ, I was glad I was single. The time went by quickly. The sunset lighting the entire inside with brilliant hues of orange, red, and pink before fading into darkness. Rochelle kept us topped up with drinks. We had switched to ice water and I listened to her tell me about her line of products. I asked the odd question here or there but I was more of a listener so I let her talk as much as she preferred.

Finally, I made the move to get up. "Please," Brianna smiled courteously, "let me." I wasn't going to argue. The only thing better than food I didn't have to cook was food I didn't have to pay for. I allowed her to cover it, waiting on her before we exited the building. We talked for a while more, well, she talked and I listened to her as I puffed at a cigar. I wasn't really the smoking type but after a large meal there was nothing I enjoyed more than a large cigar to aid in digestion. I indicated her car, a sleek little Mazda sports car, it looked like a clown car because of the size of it. It didn't take much to figure out it was hers. "You taking off tonight?"

She nodded, "I need to get to Minot in the morning, still a few hours to go."

I looked to the sky and back to her, "Be careful, deer like wandering the roads at this time of night and they'll likely walk away laughing when you total your car." She laughed good-naturedly and bid me goodnight as she stepped into her car and watched her pull out of the parking lot.

I leaned against the wall, watching the smoke on my exhale curl on itself before vanishing as it worked its way towards the heavens. I listened to the family inside work at final cleanup, Rob calling out and asking if there were any more fives in the other till. It all faded to general background noise, familiar and comfortable, as I watched the stars starting to peek through a haze of clouds and glow defiantly. I heard her approach. "I would have thought you would go off with your pretty blonde there." I raised an eyebrow at the hostile tone and looked over to see Rochelle approaching me, she looked, pissed, but as she approached, I saw the glistening in her eyes, I could hear her breathing a bit harder than normal, she wasn't angry. She wanted to be angry, she was hurt.

"She didn't appeal," I spoke honestly, bluntly.

"No one talks to someone for three and a half hours without being interested." She snapped. She had been paying attention.

"I wasn't talking all that much, I'm pretty sure that Brianna there could have a conversation with your hat rack and enjoy it just as much."

Despite her best efforts, Rochelle laughed. It was a small laugh, but I knew I had taken the edge off her fury. "I hate you." I shrugged and followed her to my rental car. I opened the door for her, the very picture of a perfect gentleman. I walked around the car and got into the driver's side and pulled out of the lot and followed her quiet directions. "So, why didn't you go with the blonde?" I looked over to where Rochelle say, a petite, beautifully curvy brunette with kind chocolate brown eyes. She was the very definition of girl next door kind of beauty, that sedate sort that most of the world would overlook but a select few would see, and worship the ground she walked on. She had wide hips, a pristine, soft body that begged to be lavished with tongue and mouth. "She seemed like your type." Her words were a quiet statement, so full of hurt that I looked over at her.

"And what," I kept my voice calm, "pray tell. Indicated to you at all that she was my type?"

"She had nice legs, her hair was a nice style," Rochelle's was a mass of curls that almost seemed to bounce with her every step, "she talked to you constantly." I waited but it seemed like that was going to be it but I barely caught one final comment, a whisper, a pained flicker of emotion that came from her soul. "She's not fat like me."

I didn't react to the comment, I wanted to, but I figured that this poor girl got too many people that brushed her off. "You're not fat," were so easy to say, or some other excuse. And I had my thoughts that Rochelle had been told every single one of them. No, she wouldn't take simple placating. Besides, I wasn't good with talking. I wasn't a poet that had the right words for any situation. I was me, and fucked if even I knew what that was. "Take a left here." she sounded subdued and upset. Maybe I was supposed to say something?

I pulled up in front of a small home, it looked to be an RTM, small, but with a neatly painted fence and small flower pots along a railing. It was clean, well kept, and sedately beautiful. Much like her owner. I opened the door for Rochelle and breathed in, letting the calm of night wash over me. I followed her to the door, not entirely sure why. It wasn't like we had had a date or anything, she had asked me for a ride home. Simple as that. Still, this felt, right. And as a man that survived by his instincts, I followed them. "Thank you," she looked up at me, her eyes swallowed by the moonlight, looking almost black, but I could still see tears in her eyes. It nearly killed me. "I'm sorry I was an inconvenience."

Seizing the moment I leaned in, grabbing her hair and locking her in place, I was either going to get slapped or she was going to return this. I kissed her, I wasn't exactly a great kisser, I can be honest enough to admit that, but I kissed her, doing my best to show her, without the hated words, that she wasn't the fat one. She gasped into my mouth and I slid my tongue inside, pressing her against the door, locking her between me and it. I savored the taste of her, I devoured her, and to my relief, she kissed me back. Her entire body was soft, warm, welcoming. I pulled back, my breathing was hard and it sounded harsh to my own ears. "I don't think that you ever asked me my sexual interests."

She blinked up at me, her eyes hazy. "W-what?"

"You." The answer was simple and deadly. I wasn't attracted to anyone but her, and her naivete to my very deadly world was a hell of a handicap, hell, it may get her or I killed. It's why I had convinced myself I couldn't like her, why I couldn't even imagine the fantasy of her over me, all that deep brown hair thrashing my chest as she rode me, her eyes flashing with her lusts, and the way her soft skin would feel against mine. I couldn't give myself that fantasy, and I knew it was stupid that I had just kissed her, that I had just bridged a gap that I had kept her blissfully unaware of. And now, now it was too late. I kissed her again, not knowing what else to do, nothing else felt anywhere near as perfect as the way she wrapped her arms around me with infinite care and hesitation.

"If I'm dreaming," her words were soft, just like her, "I'm going to smash my alarm clock when it wakes me up."

I smiled, I couldn't help it and breathed in her ear. "You, Rochelle Pakam," I nibbled her ear, "are my dream." She was, and this was all kinds of stupid and I was never stupid. Ever.

She opened the door, it was a small town, no one locked their doors. We would have to remedy that. She was shaking, she looked about ready to pass out. I kicked the door behind me and locked it before coming to her. "Gorgeous," the word slipped out before I could stop it, "you need to breathe."

She nodded and took long deep breaths if I wasn't so concerned she would pass out I would have found it amusing. "Sorry, I just, I can't," she was floundering and it was adorable, "I can't believe you are here, and you want me."

"Want has nothing to do with it," if I had my way I would never want this perky, beautiful, voluptuous brunette, I wouldn't come back half hoping, and half dreading if she found someone else to be with, "I need you." Her mouth parted, and again, because I couldn't seem to stop myself, I kissed her. I pulled her to me this time, making sure she wasn't pressed against something hard and unforgiving, she would be pressed against me, and that was where she would stay.

Whoa. That's a thought.

She dragged me through the house, our lips only parting to breathe, to pull our shirts over our heads, and, once, when I tripped over the coffee table making her giggle wildly. Finally, when I felt like I wasn't going to take much more of her fondling me we made it to the bedroom. I gave her a firm push, watching her fall onto the bed with a short gasp, looking up at me with lust in her eyes. "What about the lights?" She sounded hesitant, "Aren't you going to turn them off?"

Uh, no. Was she out of her mind? Seeing her lying there with every inch of herself exposed for me was enough where I could feel my sanity starting to slip. "No." It came out as a feral growl as I walked towards her. "I want to see every bit of you."

"You really are too perfect."

Yeah, precious. I was all kinds of perfect, perfectly stupid. I came over her, kissing up her calves, her thighs, over the soft wonderful body with kisses and touches I hoped that I could memorize and hold close because there was no way I could let this happen again. Ever. I swallowed a nipple into my mouth smiling to myself at her moan of satisfaction and pleasure as I started toying with her body. Hell, it had been so long since I had been this domestic with anyone that I was surprised I remembered how to. I flicked her nipple with my tongue, smiling as her whole body tightened beneath me, she tasted exquisite.

"Oh, gosh." Her refusal to use profanity was amusing and yet strangely erotic, I wondered if I could ever get her to say something naughty during sex. Now, was definitely not the time to try. I needed her, this too much. I positively devoured her, driven on by her hands helping move my head where she wanted me, and by following the moans. She was extremely responsive, it was wonderful really, and it drove me crazy. I kissed over her skin, feeling how hot and slick she was on my fingers, more than ready, more than eager. It was all too much. "Please," she sounded like she was terrified, "don't wait, I don't want to wake up too soon again." Holy shit, the fact she dreamed about this, us, was. Holy shit.

I groaned, I couldn't stop myself, as much as I wanted to make this perfect, because I couldn't come back. I slid into her, not even knowing what was going on, what had happened or why I had let this all happened, why the fuck wasn't I using a condom? Everything slipped away as she pulled me down to kiss her, her legs wrapping around my hips and her tight wet pussy clenching down on my cock. I almost came right there like a desperate teen. That, would most assuredly not do.

I pinned her hands above her head, watching with a feral smile as her eyes flashed, widening, and feeling her clench down on me. "Stay." I could barely get it out past a snarl as I thrust into her. My eyes couldn't stay locked to hers anymore, I watched, hungrily, as her breasts heaved up and down. It was erotic beyond any fantasy I had hoped of. Watching her pale and succulent skin beneath my tanned one, watching her curves press into the muscles of mine. It was so erotic.

"Oh, yes," her voice was the faintest of moans in my ear, "just like that." I thrust into her harder, desperate for her softness. I could feel my hips crashing into hers with the wet smack of flesh on flesh, the primal stacatto of lovers, and unfortunately, this wasn't going to be a long performance. "Oh, I am going to cum!" Music to my ears, "I'm going to cum!" She wrapped her legs tighter around me, pinning me in place as I came with her, hard, my entire body shuddering and shaking. Our cries entangling in the room as sensual as we were bound. I collapsed onto my forearms but she pulled me down even more, lying my head to her breast. Her fingers running their way through my hair in soft delectable motions. "That," I breathed, "was incredible." It seemed like such a trivial word, but again, not a poet.

"Stand up, very slowly." The voice was coy, flirty even and I looked over to see one Brianna in the doorway. I felt Rochelle stiffen but her fear kept her from crying out.

"Shh," I kissed her lightly on the lips and winked, "it'll be okay precious."

"Big talk for someone who is a dead man." I stood, slowly, fully naked, and turned to face Brianna, her eyes were cool, her smirk not reaching her eyes as she pointed a small Glock at me.

"I knew I should have stayed in my bulletproof vest." I sighed. "Shows how little I know." I smiled at Brianna and watched as it unnerved her. "So, who sent you?"

"You killed my brother you bastard!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Stephan was your brother? My deepest apologies, if I had known that that level of crazy ran in the family I would have taken you all out." Her eyes flared, her smile tightened as she clenched her teeth and she moved the gun to point at Rochelle who whimpered.

"Any more smart talk and I'll blast the fat bitch's brains out." She was shaking so badly she really might do so damage by accidentally pulling the trigger.

"You just made two fatal mistakes." She looked at me, her eyes cold, fearing nothing, well, chalk that up to a third, always be afraid that someone bigger and meaner exists in the world. "One, you ruined an amazing night. And two," my muscles tightened just slightly, "you took the gun off of me, that was your only chance." I launched myself forward and knocked her back with me, ignoring the sting of pain that came as thunder exploded in the room, dark spots danced in my vision as I connected with the small body and sent her to the ground. I heard Rochelle scream, I saw the blood and I smiled even more down at the terrified face of Brianna as tightened my hands around her neck. "And you do not call her fat."

[violetsystems]

#personal

I’m writing on a Friday night again only because I have to work orientation tomorrow.  It’s been about a year of this routine, staying home on the weekends and reflecting.  With school starting again it’s pretty much the end of summer for me.  This summer was pretty much like last summer I think.  Except since I got back from Asia in May things have been surreal.  They were surreal before that mind you.  I’ve been writing about it enough on a consistent basis where I look back a year later and just shrug my shoulders.  I think the one thing that everybody noticed was a lot of personal growth through adversity.  At least the right people noticed.  I think it culminated last Saturday in some poetic way.  I was walking out the door to do laundry late afternoon when this girl approached me with some flyers.  I’ve seen her around but never officially met her.  She lives in the building next to me.  It’s the building where the older Mexican woman dropped me an oregano plant awhile back from the fire escape.  My porch is fenced off so it’s like a maze to get back to the coach houses on this street.  If anything this year I’ve gotten way better at talking to people out of the blue.  She explained that she was giving away a couch for free if somebody could move it.  Kind of like a sword in the stone sort of proposal I guess.  She was moving to Colombia on Sunday.   I thanked her for the flyers, wished her a safe trip and went on to do my wash.  There I was staring down at the couch on the xerox paper.  The description detail said it was “perfect for cuddling.”  I thought about my couch.  I thought somebody cuddling with me on it.  I think about my ex girlfriend’s cats I adopted when we broke up who peed on that sofa relentlessly.  I texted her back and called a few friends.  Sunday morning I got a text from her asking if I could come and see it.  She was worried it was too heavy.  I said it was like Tetris.  As I walked out and saw the hex screws in the other side of my fence I got an idea.  I got a sofa too.  My friend and his girlfriend went back up to check out some other furniture.  They told me when they came back that she kept saying “Tim is amazing.”  I try to be at least even if nobody notices it for years.  I think that’s the lost art of being genuine.  I’m stubborn with that to the grave sometimes.

I put out that ep and didn’t tell anybody.  It was free but a decent amount of people bought it or the discography.  They didn’t have to.  But it was nice.  I wanted to get it out because I wrote it for a friend.  I’ve been thinking more about her than the ep.  I’ve also been working a lot.  In a strange way I’ve been working for so long.  I started a workout routine this week.  I run two days and weight train four.  You could say the couch inspired me.  It is perfect for cuddling.  Mostly my controller during Dark Souls 3.  But really I’ve come to a weird sort of realization lately.  At least a sort of clarity from all these years about what I’ve done for people and what that’s worth.  I do try to be amazing.  A lot of the time it goes unnoticed.  I tend to think when someone doesn’t understand you being genuine it’s for the best to forget about it.  I don’t like to force anything in real life.  And somehow my natural state these days of staying home on the weekends and enjoying my neighborhood seems like a rewarding place to live.  It’s been a lot easier to talk to people.  I don’t feel like people are scared of me.  They might still be intimidated.  I’m starting to learn to tone that down as well.  It seems when I’m more open and understanding to the natural flow of my life good things happen.  I do still get mad at the world.  I can’t stay mad very long.  When I think of whatever angel is perched on my shoulder I take a deep breath and rethink my emotions.  There’s always this tendency to think you aren’t good enough in this city.  There’s always someone to downplay your success or write it off completely.  I think helping my neighbor really had a sort of hidden poetry to it.  Why I left for Asia in the first place.  Nobody here treated each other with any sort of respect or care.  I felt trapped by it.  I spent years flying back and forth wandering trying to find something.  I didn’t really know what.  And here I am back on the block sitting in the same exact spot sort of year after year.  Except now my rent is lower and my eight foot reclining sofa is a lot better than the situation I was living in prior.  Everything is a lot better.  And here we are almost a year later of me staying home writing love letters into the void.  Has anything really changed?  No actually I’m sorry to inform you that Tim is still pretty fucking amazing to this very day.

It’s not like I have a fat head about it.  I do have a really long neck.  I’m pretty sure my head is pretty big too.  But I’ve been working out my deltoids and I’m pretty sure I can support the burdens and stresses of everyday life again this year.  As far as following the light and listening to the universe I don’t really want anything to get in the way of that anymore.  And sometimes in the past I’ve been terse or mean.  It never really helps the situation to bark people off every day on twitter or in public.  I don’t even really want to communicate like that.  I don’t want to be angry and sometimes people cross the line.  This whole summer was about me setting up very clear and concise boundaries for myself and real life.  I started putting everything in the calendar now.  If I get to work around seven and start my run I can usually do six miles.  I started going to the gym on my lunch hour instead of sitting at my desk.  It’s just wasted time for me really.  And sometimes I feel like I’ve wasted so much time dealing with people who don’t ever really listen to what makes me live and breath after all this madness.  You just have to get over it sometimes.  Block off your schedule.  Make sure your routes are predictable.  That’s the kind of life I lived for awhile.  All sort of people bothering me.  I never knew where it was coming from.  Music is always kind of shady these days.  I already have a job.  I feel like people trust me there.  I feel like people trust me here.  And I feel without that trust I wouldn’t be sitting here feeling so matter of fact.  I know what is a constructive use of my time.  I know the value of helping a neighbor move a couch out of nowhere.  Walking a blind lady to her campus.  That’s every day shit for me.  It’s how I’m wired to react naturally.  To be tender.  To be focused.  To care and listen.  How can anyone think they can base a relationship off of anything but those things?  How could they hope to grow and become even more amazing as partners?  I know the answers to those questions myself.  That’s my business I guess.  I like my business very much.  There isn’t really anything to prove.  I’m just letting it into my life and living with it.  And it feels really nice lately.  Even if it’s just me on the sofa for the time being.  <3 Tim

[highschoolharrier]

A follow up to our LA composite rankings from yesterday.  Brother Martin returns 4:23/9:18 runner Hunter Appleton and 4:24/9:43 runner Hayden Courrege.

Drew Haro is the head cross country coach at Brother Martin High School in New Orleans, the #1 team in our Louisiana pre-season composite poll.  This is his first year as head coach but has been the distance coach for track for several years and coached three state qualifiers this past spring.  Haro ran for Brother Martin and then LSU.  Brother Martin cross country has been a nationally recognized program several times in the previous decades.

High School Harrier: How does it feel to be the head coach of the school you ran at and won a state title with?

Drew Haro: This is a question that people have asked me a bit recently, and I still don't entirely know how to answer it. I think my feelings are a combination of humility, excitement, and nervousness. I mean, ever since I got into teaching and coaching, I've thought about what it would feel like and look like to give back to the school that introduced me to our great sport. More than anything though, I think I just feel a huge level of responsibility to the tradition and legacy that our school has developed over the years. This pumps me up and terrifies me at the same time.

HSH: How much has your daily workload changed now that you have moved from assistant coach to head coach?

DH: The biggest thing that has changed, so far, is that as head coach I receive a lot more emails/phone calls for things as the "point man" of the cross country program. In terms of the day to day planning of things, I had a decent understanding of the work expectations coming in. I'm sure as the school year progresses I'll see my work load increase in ways I have not predicted yet.

HSH: How many athletes do you expect to compete for you in the fall?

DH: We are fortunate at Brother Martin that interest in cross country is pretty high. Once we reach out to the new students at the beginning of the year, we will probably have a roster of  approximately 85 athletes.

HSH: How has your training gone with the team so far this summer?

DH: Summer training has been pretty productive. We get around 20 guys consistently to summer practice. We always see guys learn from previous years the importance of summer consistency in order to get better for the fall. Watching this commitment and improvement really gets exciting. However, there's always a few guys we'd like to see more over the summer, but we just have to trust that they are holding their own and doing what's right for the team.

HSH: What is your overall training philosophy for your distance program?

DH: You know, I think about my training philosophy pretty regularly. What I've come up with over the years is that good distance running comes from two things: patience and consistency. I believe that strength with a large aerobic base is extremely vital. This doesn't necessarily mean that I'm a big mileage guy. I believe in balance, but I do enjoy watching athletes reap the benefits of good strong tempo workouts supplemented with higher turnover work. All this being said, I'm always learning and trying to be creative to keep our runners engaged day in and day out. At the end of it all, though, I desire our program to reach the following three goals: for athletes (1) to find camaraderie with one another, (2) to embrace the process, and (3) to find team/individual success.

HSH: Hunter Appleton ran 9:18 this spring which is close to top 10 all time in the state.  What can we expect to see from him this fall?

DH: I don't like to forecast cross country times because the course and the race conditions can throw off that kind of thing. What I can say is that I fully expect Hunter to rival his own teammate, Hayden Courrege', everyday in practice and subsequently in every race. They both lead with great poise and intensity. With those two guys pushing each other each day, good things will happen.

HSH: What do you think the biggest strength of your team will be this year?

DH: I truly believe that the camaraderie that our team is developing will be pivotal in teaching each runner how to run for his teammates not just himself. I hope that this camaraderie will increase our depth making us that much tougher and stronger.

HSH: What do you believe is the most important part of a high school athletes training regime?

DH: Diversity. We sometimes forget that these kids are young and need special attention to develop every aspect of their athleticism and not just the aspects that are "running specific".  

HSH: How big of impact do you think not having a metro meet the week before district will be for your team this year?

DH: I don't believe the impact for us is that big. We never had a problem racing Metro. We built our training around our racing schedule, so we prepared for that situation. We've always believed that races are types of workouts, so since we won't have Metro, we'll simply substitute another workout somewhere that can help us get better. Not having the Metro meet is unfortunate, though, because historically, it's been a special meet for the city. However, with the addition of the 5A Regional, having the Metro meet at a time of the year where it means something was very difficult to figure out for all classifications represented in the city.

HSH: Is there any runner on your team who you feel will be ready to have a breakout season?

DH: We have some solid underclassmen who have been really consistent since last track season, so targeting any one athlete is tough. Part of the fun of coaching this sport is seeing who makes those big jumps as the season progresses and makes the case for a varsity spot. I can't wait!

Photo courtesy of Brother Martin.

[rzramblings-blog]

Structure

Hello! With finals in full swing this week, I decided that something completely unrelated to school was the best way to spend my time. Honestly, though, when I used to write, I always found myself very relaxed, so it is not completely out of line for the time being. I was thinking last week about this idea, and I wanted to write it in a journal; but remembering the way it felt to put my ideas out there when I studied abroad (https://www.tumblr.com/blog/senegalsaga) made me want to do it again, in a new blog. If no one reads this, no harm done.

That said, what I want to write about is structure. So many things in the U.S. are based on structure, and we need it. Without structure, our world would not exist as we know it. The Atlanta roads, for example, which are literally falling apart, are a structure that we rely on every day. The holes and buckles in these major highways that unexpectedly developed created chaos for so many people. The only way to have them fixed is also through structure- traffic must be rerouted, people must be informed, and there must be a unanimous effort to repair what has been broken.

Last week, in my final Qualitative Research class, we discussed our final projects, what aspects of the process had been challenging, and how we had grown as researchers or as individuals. Many people mentioned how conducting their own research study from start to finish challenged their need for structure. Qualitative research requires flexibility. Although there is planning involved, you must listen to your participants with the understanding that you may need to modify your interview questions in response to what they say. It can be disconcerting when your participant begins to talk about something that you were not planning to address until the end of the interview, starts crying, or asks you questions about your own experiences. It is your job, as the researcher, to adapt. Further, your findings will be dependent upon themes or similarities that you find among participants’ responses, which often cannot be predetermined. Many stages of the qualitative research process rely on flexibility and letting go of rigidity.

Listening to them talk about how much of a challenge this was for them, I realized something that I think I knew, but I had never recognized in myself because it was the exact opposite of what I had pretended to believe my whole life. It was difficult for me to relate to them; I hate structure. I loved conducting my own qualitative research study. I did not feel constricted or tied to doing things a certain way, and not knowing what was going to happen at multiple stages of the study was exciting. There are right ways to conduct interviews, to probe for more details, and to conduct yourself professionally. But there was a sense of freedom in knowing that I could not predict what my participants would say, so I could not perfect my responses beforehand. Even my analysis was based on their responses, and even though I was using analytic skills and previous research to inform some of the choices that I made, I had to be open to findings that I was not expecting and that challenged my sense of what I thought should be a certain way.

The more I thought about my life in a broader sense, the more I realized that this hatred of structure held true and made sense. Many people in my life think of me as structured, and I, myself, have often made the mistake of thinking of myself this way. I work well with instructions, deadlines, and I am very neat and organized in personal, professional, and academic aspects of my life, but I do not like it. Some of the times that I have suffered the most have been because I was adhering too closely to structure- controlling what I ate, feeling distressed that I was not more than proficient at work, living by a schedule that did not allow for much flexibility. The times when I flourished the most were the times when I was free from these invisible walls, and I allowed myself to live without as much structure. Studying abroad in West Africa, I allowed myself to take (calculated) risks, to be my true self, and I felt so much better, less stressed and anxious, than I ever did in the United States. This is not to say “live dangerously”- I was still me, and I was careful- just “live more freely”. I do think that some of this can be attributed to the cultural differences and the ways in which my host family and my Senegalese and American friends treated daily occurrences. More so than that, however, I think it was my ability to leave behind everything that I thought I knew in the U.S., everything that had been constraining me. Mostly these were internal restrictions that I had placed upon myself without realizing it, and letting them go was freeing in a way that was educational as well.

Other less structured but freeing moments consisted of instances when I ventured out of my comfort zone to explore, including opening myself up to the possibility that I did not want to spend a semester in France like I had originally had planned, that I was not sure what I wanted to pursue as a career, that I could not always be the person to make everyone feel better, that I could try dating apps, and that I was not perfect. Being a part of the community that I am in now, it is easy to forget this, to strive for perfection, and to try to live a “structured” life. It is important to me that I excel, but constant structure is not required to be an accomplished individual. As I pursue an academic degree, digest course material, and master being a professional, it is essential for me to remember that structure can “give” a little bit sometimes. It does not need to be the driving force behind everything that I do. And that is okay, necessary even, for me at least, to make sure that I am getting what I want out of life.