#at some point crashing and going 'now i have to type... about EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED'

[dear-ao3]

the 2024 formula 1 silly season and drama master post, part 2 (part 1 here)

Hello and welcome to ah fucking fuck auto caps fuck fuck fuck how do i turn off auto caps AHA there we go okay. take 2

hello and welcome to the great and very insane formula 1 2024 season drama post, part 2. if you are new here or are just looking for part one (which contains the previous 16 (?) races, the off season, pre season testing and everything else, that can be found HERE. (a word to the wise: open it in a browser, not the app, and preferably on a computer to avoid crashing. its fucking long). 

what the hell is formula 1? car go fast. fastest cars in the world zoom around tracks at top speeds of over 300kph, piloted by the top 20 drivers in the world. it might not sound dramatic, but oh man. you will Not be disappointed. this post focuses on the drama, the insanity, the sheer what the hell how is this a serious sport. no legitimately. we've just about seen it all this year. grindr, dogs, watersports, ice cream brands, its all here.

the point of this post? to educate, to catalog the insane drama, and to just have a good time. people like to gatekeep this sport, there is also a lot happening. i try to make it easy to understand. again, probably best to start at the beginning of the post because it does a pretty good job of explaining things, which i began way back in january, and can be found HERE (again, shes long, be careful)

and, as usual, if you do not want to see this post EVER AGAIN, block the tag #saph explains silly season 2024

and a second caution, i assume this post will be getting long as well. including this one we have minimum 9 updates left!

anyway, those of you who have been following along the whole time, welcome back! i know we got a little delayed. and i know we’re on a new post, so lets just briefly take a second for me to explain what the fuck happened. first i had an anatomy test, second i work 2 jobs with fuck ass hours, third tumblr decided to stop letting me look at any of my drafts, fourth tumblr support ghosted me about the drafts issue and the post was half saving half not so i just decided fuck it, were going with post 2, electric boogaloo, and fifth, i decided to start typing this instead in a google docs so. many changes. if you're new here i am usually more on top of this.

but here we are. were back on street circuits. we’re in baku, azerbaijan, for the start of the last third of the season. 8 races remain, world championship titles are still within grasp of multiple people. the drama is dramaing. and today is september 22, 2024 and lets fucking go. 

first and foremost, on account of the fact that this post is late (again, see above), were going to have to do a bit of a speed run. if you're new here, i promise that this is not representative of my normal dedication to the update post. and for those asking, yeah, ill probably compile it somewhere better than a tumblr post after its all said and done, but we don't have time for that now. 

what we do have time for is the Off Week (and like some of the media stuff). and it was filled with silliness: 

george russell decided to wear what can only be described as slightly ugly yellow short shorts with his taylor swift shirt that he got at the eras tour. this was baffling for several reasons, the main reason being that i don't think the internet knew that he was capable of wearing a graphic t shirt

fernando alonso got his aston martin valkyrie finally. in case you are unfamiliar, a valkyrie i think is the worlds fastest street legal car. he posted tweets about this that made it seem like he wanted to fuck the car. hilariously, the car broke down an hour later.

we also had the very thrilling conclusion to grill the grid. oscar won and he somehow managed to look more pleased about his grill the grid win than his first race victory. 

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nico rosberg went to the green awards and he wore a fantastically insane teal blue suit. yes i know hes not a current driver. but you all like hearing about him so ask and you shall receive. unfornunately i cant find a picture of it though

and also not a current driver is mick schumacher, but my roommate asked me to include that he was seen on his girlfriends instagram being bad at golf. like. exceptionally bad at golf. like he hit a tree 20 feet in front of him.

also playing golf was lando norris. except he managed to look like try bolton from high school musical 2.

he also talked about the world driver championship with his friend max fewtrell while they were playing golf. unfortunately i lost this link in the sea of technical difficulties, but the gist of it was that he was saying that there is still hope for him to beat max in the championship (hes about 60 points behind right now). lando doesnt usually talk about the championship because he doesnt want news outlets to paint him as “desperate” so this was interesting

charles leclerc had an insane off week. first he rear ended someone in monaco. then he spoke at a yacht conference. he was not scheduled to speak at said yacht conference, he was there doing something else and they were like hey you're cool people know you, heres a microphone. he alsp ended up on a weather channel while promoting a karting event he was doing for the jules bianchi foundation (his god father, the one who died during the f1 race in japan 2014). he also changed his instagram pop and re centered it because some random tiktoker told him it matched his aesthetic better.

oscar piastri posted a photo of himself sitting in the cockpit of a plane and then promptly deleted it. because he posted it on 9/11. for anyone who doesnt know what that is, that was when some terrorists hijacked commercial planes and few them into the world trade centers in nyc and the pentagon in washington dc

max verstappen also posted a plane pic with himself and lando norris, but he did not delete it.

we also had the return of daniel ricciardo’s jpg instagram account, which is kinda like a finsta for photos that hes taken. i think lando started this a few years ago. 

heading into the race week we certainly got a weird ass batch of pr. including but not limited to:

lewis hamilton was back on top and slaying in the fit game. as was yuki. 

lewis hamilton also exposed george russell as listening to katy perry pre race. katy perry and taylor swift (this was after he claimed that he liked listening to old school rap music.) though, lewis then started singing wrecking ball???? confusing vibes all around

george was not off the hook yet tho because some intern definitely make him say skidibidi toilet or whatever the thing is idk, i might be gen z but im not insufferable, okay? actually george in baku was just all kinds of unhinged

george and alex also got up to something, what it is no one knows but it is clearly something

max pulled up to the paddock de aged about 10 years. picture one is of him in baku in 2015 (i believe he was 17) and picture 2 is this year. no i am not kidding. 

and franco walked into the paddock telling everyone about argentinian mate (which is a drink, not a friend)

and max shoved a microphone out of the way so everyone could gossip

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then of course, we had some slightly more relevant drama

haas announced that ollie would be replacing kevin at baku. in case you forgot, kevin magnussen received a total of 12 penalty points over the season so far, which means he gets one race ban. how did he get the points? well he was mostly wreaking havoc on everyone else so that his teammate, nico hulkenberg, could drag his car into the points. lets all remember the time in saudi arabia where he managed to get 20 seconds of penalties by basically driving like a mad man just to make sure that nico could keep his position after he pit stopped. anyway, nico was kind of pissed about the race ban situation and said “maybe the guidelines for F1 penalties need to be reviewed as the stewards ‘want to get involved’ no matter the contact.”

in any case though, k mags was out. and ollie was in. we’ve seen ollie before. notably he subbed in for carlos sainz at the saudi arabia gp when carlos had appendicitis. he managed to get points as well. since then, he has been announced as a haas driver for 2025 and is now subbing in for k mags (haas, later in the week called him a super sub. clearly no gen z person read that over.) he can do this because ferrari has a haas engine so they share reserve drivers.

adrian newey finally got employed. i know! i can hardly believe it either! but he did! and youll never guess where! 

ferrari? no that would be too obvious. 

mercedes? nah

williams? no too much of a shit show

aston martin? ding ding ding! just the right amount of shit show! 

that is right. newey is going to aston for 2025. 

apparently he was offered a “good package” according to himself, which i assume means pay and also the fact that lawrence stroll made him a shareholder? stakeholder? whatever its called. in the team itself. basically he has a lot of power. 

he said that he always wanted to work with fernando and lewis. and he couldn't do both. and aston had a better package than ferrari. 

fernando looked positively evil during all the announcement pictures. and called the team "definitely the team of the future" and for those of you who don't know, fernando is positively evil. hes just been stuck in a shit box and we havent seen very much of him, but man does he know how to evilly slut it up. so that will be fun to see.

by contrast, people said that lance was not excited enough. and well. lance 1. has resting bitch face and 2. never really looks excited about anything. also he lives in a world where take your child to work day somehow became his job. (his dad owns the team).

lewis hamilton was asked what he thought about adrian not going to ferrari, and here's what he had to say:

"i feel like, while I have mentioned before that it would be an honor to work with adrian, i have been privileged to work with two championship winning teams that didnt have adrian."

mclaren announced pato o ward would do FP1 in mexico. who is pato o ward? hes one of mclaren’s indycar drivers and one of the f1 reserve drivers. he is incredibly charming and definitely runs his own social media as seen here:

mclaren Also claim they figured out who their number 2 driver is and they claim its oscar. i say they claim because the statements were a lot more complex than that. essentially, according to andrea stella, the priority is to the team first, then lando and then oscar. so they didn't outright say that oscar is the number 2 driver and i am willing to bet real money that this is because mr mark webber, oscars manager, has something in oscars contract that prevents him from being a number 2 driver. this is of course because mark webber was one of the most infamous number 2 drivers in f1 history to none other than menace war criminal sebastian vettel, who in their time as teammates, managed to win 4 back to back world champions. or, top to bottom if you're mrs darbus from high school musical. 

lando was asked about this and he said that yes, the team does support him. though he would not expect oscar to give up a win for him and that it is more complex behind the scenes. i suppose we will see if there are any papaya rules coming out this weekend….

and oscar said "i think the main point is its not purely just going to be me pulling over for lando every single race, because thats how none of us, including lando, wont want to go racing, if we feel that someone has done a much better job on a weekend, whichever way it is, we want that person to be rewarded."

max verstappen commented on the mclaren situation as well. which was funny mostly because red bull has one of the most defined number 1 and number 2 drivers of any team. he said "you look at it form oscar's perspective, he is closer to lando than lando to me. they have to deal with that."

and allow me to put on a tin foil hat as we are about to talk about the future of the red bull seat. because all i have to offer here is a baseball hat and a red bull can. 

a long time ago we talked about the red bull cans. the ones that red bull makes to promote f1. at the end of last season red bull put max and checo on the red bull can. this season at the start it was just max on the red bull can. well. now checo has reappeared on the cans too. and i will tell you what i think this means. it means that checo is not getting swapped this season, which was a possibility for awhile. 

but! there is more! 

daniel ricciardo made an instagram post this week. and it was very interesting. but most interestingly he was wearing a red bull hat.

which he does occasionally, no big deal really. he did race for the for several years, he technically does currently. BUT then he showed up TO THE PADDOCK wearing the red bull hat.

which is Big Interesting. usually you show up in a statement outfit or wearing the team kit. and daniel is not a red bull racing driver. he is a visa cashapp racing bulls driver. they might be owned by red bull but they are Not the same team. so why the red bull hat. in the paddock. well, the rumor is that hes taking checos seat for 2025. and the rumor is that this will be announced before mexico. so checo can have a proper send off. 

and with that. the baku lore. 

theres a lot that has happened at baku. as i said its a street circuit. and i think its the fastest street circuit. but over the years theres been some notable events. 

such as the great kimi raikkonen radio for gloves and steering wheel:

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they gave mini kimi this week gloves and steering wheel in honor of that

the max and daniel crash in 2018 when they were running p1 and p2 respectfully

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and of course. how could we forget. charles’s infamous “i am stupid” radio.

speaking of charles, he crashed again in fp1. not quite in the same spot, but nearly. he took a picture with the marshalls. 

then in fp2 he rage quit, basically saying that the car sucks. 

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but he was back and better than ever in practice three because he managed to top the time charts. welcome back fuck ass ferrari.

some other teams definitely experienced the lows but not really the highs of baku during practice. like lance stroll who came on the radio to say “this is not a car” (good thing they have adrian newey now, right? 

franco colapinto also cut his ear before practice on the neck strengthener stretcher thing that they all use and the team wanted to give him stitches but he was like no no no i need to be in the car in about 5 minutes im not doing that. so he jammed on his helmet and jumped in the car. he also crashed and when he went to the medical center he took off his helmet and there was blood everywhere and they were like no no no you cannot race! and he was like no! this is not from the crash! and then explained it and they let him do qualifying. 

also im pretty sure? ollie bearman crashed? in practice? but frankly i don't have time to google it so whos to say. 

but alas. qualifying. 

i know i know this is kind of a shitty update. i promise ill go all out in singapore. i PROMISE. 

so as i said. its a street circuit. high speed. 90 degree corners. and also windy as hell. we also had the dynamic duo of karun and harry in the commentary box. 

max led the first practice, george led the second and i think charles led the third. or some order like that. 

slipstream here is almost essential (slipstream: going behind another car to reduce the wind drag so you can go faster) 

charles has the last three pole positions (first in qualifying) here in baku, but he has never won. by comparison, red bull have never had pole here but they have won. 

and franco has never been to baku before. 

i think that's all the exposition that we need here. 

q1 started with max complaining about his car. “the car is jumping around like crazy on the rear axle” he said. despite this he was sitting in p3. 

the mid field battle though….the mid field battle was heating the hell up. mostly because none other than franco colapinto, who if you will remember, has never been to baku before, had split the two ferraris. he was in third for the moment, .109 seconds behind carlos sainz and .159 seconds ahead of charles leclerc. we still had a lot of qualifying left to go, so this was probably not going to stay, but it was still insane. he was pushing insanely hard, nearly kissing the walls. clearly he had learned from his crash in practice. 

the two mclarens waited until the very end of q1 to do their final flying push lap, and oscar made it through, but tragedy struck for lando. 

lando was in the middle of his last flying lap, time was ticking down, and there was a Very Brief yellow flag on the track. now, according to rules, you cannot complete your flying lap if there is a yellow flag. so lando pitted and was stuck down in 17th and out of qualifying. this would be the first time that he was out in q1 since vegas last year (which if i remember correctly was also not his fault) 

now though, of course nothing is ever that cut and dry. people thought that there had been a mis showing of a flag. yellow flag means that a car is stopped on track, white flag means that a car is going slowly on the track. and people thought that there had been a yellow flag shown when it was actually supposed to be a white flag (if there had been a white flag then lando would have been able to keep doing his flying lap) lando himself said that he had no idea what people were talking about because there is a light on the steering wheel that lights up when flags are called and he had a big yellow light. so it was clearly a yellow flag. 

if you're concerned about lando being able to pull it out of the bag, id like to point you in the direction of the mexican gp last year where lando qualified 17th and finished 5th. on a track that was hard to overtake on. he can be absolutely insane when he wants to be. worry not gentle reader. 

in any case. also out in q1 was daniel ricciardo, valtteri bottas, zhou guanyu and esteban ocon.

and notably, williams, who was on fucking fire this weekend as we already saw, finished q1 with alex albon in second (ahead of oscar) and franco colapinto in 8th. pierre gasly had somehow managed to also get into 4th. and nico hulkenberg was in 7th with ollie bearman in 13th. i told you the mid field battle was heating the hell up. 

q2. everyone zoomed straight out of the gate. they didn't want to get lando norris’d. but, speaking of that, if lando managed to get no points in the race and charles managed to win, charles would overtake lando in the drivers championship. mark webber himself told this to charles, who was absolutely baffled. 

in any case, charles was kinda suffering right now and that was because he was not getting slipstream from carlos to make his lap faster. meanwhile, carlos seemed to be actively trying to give charles the slipstream because he came on radio to say “he keeps missing the tow” 

and amazingly, franco colapinto was 4 tenths AHEAD of alex albon. alex albon who had not been unqualified by his teammate once since the start of 2023. ex red bull driver alex albon. that alex albon. 

max topped the times in q2, followed immediately by charles. insanely, fernando alonso managed to drag the aston martin to fifth. and franco was right behind him in 6th. by comparison alex albon was in 10th. 

and from q2 we lost ollie bearman, yuki tsunoda (who has never qualified lower than 8th in baku), pierre gasly, nico hulkenberg and lance stroll. so yes, ollie bearman managed to outqualify nico hulkenberg. this is ollies second ever f1 race. 

steaming on forward to q3. 

we had, for review, in q3 the following: 

both ferraris, both red bulls, both mercedes, both WILLIAMS (has not happened since vegas 2023), plus fernando alonso and oscar piastri. 

right out the gate it was wild. 

“red bull! theyve re found their mojo! or have they!” karun said. red bull were in 5th and 6th and not entirely sucking for the moment. 

everyone did one flyer and then came out at the end for a second flyer. 

here were the standings: 

charles, carlos, oscar, george, checo, max, lewis, alex, franco, fernando

and everyone was making it to the line and all was going smooth until-

wait a second what is that

could it be! alex albon! with the air box fan still on his car! surely not!!!

oh but it was! and harry and karun were like oh wow so unfortunate for williams tisk tisk

meanwhile ted jumped on the radio to Loudly announce to everyone that this was insane and if i have time here i will put the rant he ranted cause it was Fantastic.

and what do you know i have time

so we had 3 minutes left qualifying and everyone was pulling out of the pits for their last flyer when oscar hopped on the radio to say

"the williams still has the air box fan in"

"oh what an error! disaster for williams!" karun and harry said. they speculated if the marshalls could get it or if the session needed to be red flagged. but alex threw the fan off the car.

and then they asked "ted have you ever seen that before?" and ted did not hold back:

"ITS A MASSIVE YELLOW FAN HOW COULD YOU MISS IT???!!! HOW COULD THE MECHANICS MISS IT???? I CANT BELIVE THEY WOULD MAKE SUCH A MISTAKE DOWN AT WILLIAMS! SUCH AN EXPERIENCED BUNCH OF GUYS AND GIRLS! WHAT IS GOING ON AT WILLIAMS OPERATIONALLY? HOW COULD YOU SEND A CAR OUT LIKE THAT?"

alex, obviously, got fined for an unsafe release 5k euros. he also had to throw the fan off to the side and got slightly covered in dry ice. he did not get to the a second flying lap. 

franco did tho!

and here were out qualifying results: 

p1: charles p2: oscar p3: carlos p4: checo p5: george p6: max p7: lewis p8: fernando p9: franco p10: alex  p11: ollie p12: yuki p13: pierre p14: nico p15: lance p16: daniel  p17: lando p18: valtteri p19: zhou p20: esteban 

oh ho ho but we werent done yet. because pierre gasly got disqualified from qualifying. for failing fuel flow regulations. and lewis was going to have to start from the pit lane for changing his power unit. 

everyone, and by everyone i mean oscar max and checo, pretty much said that charles was going to get pole no matter what, they knew this coming in and the best they were trying for was second

onto the race. 

notably, this is considered a checo track. this was one of the three races that max did not win last year. because checo won it. its a track that he does well on, evidenced by the fact that he qualified above max in qualifying. so people were expecting big things from him.

and so, we head into lap 1.

charles managed to hang onto the lead. checo passed carlos straight out of the gate for third and max managed to pass george to take fifth. lando had managed to get ahead of nico and up into 13th. notably, franco held onto 8th and ollie was able to hold onto tenth. 

someone who was not doing well was lance stroll, who came on the radio saying that he had a puncture. this was from contact with yuki. lance had to pit for fresh tires and was pretty immediately thrown to the back of the grid. 

by lap 2 lando had managed to get past daniel and was in 12th, he was trying to get past yuki next, which he managed by lap 3. yuki also lost a  spot to nico. 

also slaying in the mclaren was oscar, who took fastest lap. then charles took fastest lap.

and lewis hamilton, who had started from the pit lane, was up to 16th. already. somehow. though he was displeased with the tires, sayig that “this tire is pretty bad” over the radio. 

yuki meanwhile was clearly having a problem because he had started going very very slowly. thought the pit wall said that he had no problems. this would later turn out to be false but we will indulge them for the time being. 

franco was STILL ahead of alex albon on lap 6. STILL. 

lando on lap 8 managed to push his way into points positions, overtaking ollie bearman for 10th. though this was where things were about to slow down for him because in front of him were alex, franco and fernando, who were all very close together and would be hard to get past. 

george was back in bad luck hell as a plastic bag entered his airbox. will he ever catch a break. 

on lap 11 nico hulkenberg finally caught up with ollie bearman and passed him for 11th. 

and max’s car was not working. to potentially no one’s surprise. “i have zero bite in the car” he said. and this was probably true because checo was a whole 6.5 seconds ahead of him. insane gap. 

several pit stops later that i will not detail out because we simply do not have the time, alex albon ended up in 4th and lando ended up in fifth. and oscar was about to get undercut by checo. 

“mojo seems to be back for checo perez” harry said, correctly. 

mojo was back for him indeed. and now he was right behind lando. 

and if you will recall, according to mclaren themselves, priority at mclaren is the team first, then oscar, then lando. but oscar was ahead of lando. so what did mclaren do? 

they asked lando do hold up perez, but not compromise his own race. 

remever a long time ago when i said mclaren wouldn't have any internal drama this season? man how i was wrong.

lando managed to hold up perez for around a lap or two before he got past. this was crucial because this was during when oscar was in the pits. 

thanks to lando and the power of the papaya rules teamwork, oscar ended up coming out in 4th, only .706s ahead of checo. 

mclaren are working together everyone! mclaren are working together!

meanwhile, turns out that yuki did indeed have problems because he retired on lap 17 with a hole in his sidepod from the contact with lance on lap 1. this was now two races in a row where he had had to retire for reasons out of his control. 

several more people pitted. and eventually charles was back out in front, oscar was in p2. until he wasn't. no, he didn't dnf. he overtook charles! he was in p1! he popped out of nowhere! nowhere being 2 car lengths back and just flooring it to spring around charles like a little silly slinky! karun called it a “good, fair and robust defense,” which sounds like its descibing notes in wine. but this was not wine. this was the baku gp. and we were only half done. 

ollie bearman was defending against lewis hamilton, holding on tightly to 14th place. 

charles was still behind oscar and he could not get past, despite the fact that he was still very much in spitting distance. “they are pushing like crazy or they have more grip than us” he said. 

carlos got past both lando and alex albon and was up into 4th

this brought max up behind lando. max was on 11 lap old tires and lando was on 24 lap old tires. but lando still defended like hell and managed to hold onto sixth. max was 0.632 seconds behind lando on lap 25 when he said that “my brakes are not working.” this was hardly a surprise. max has hated the car since china.

also experiencing technical difficulties was sir lewis hamilton. he was stuck down in 14th and was first told to do “everything you can do to get the surface temp down” of the tires. he said “im trying” then several laps later on lap 29 he came on the radio to say “are you seeing how i have to drive this thing?” “yes,” bono, his engineer said. “quite effective though.” 

max was still half a second behind lando. mclaren faked a pit stop call over the radio to get max to pit. he did not. 

but, george russell did manage to pass him. which was “not good for max’s world champion aspirations.”

this was also when ted very bafflingly said that “if i had a sofa in the pit lane i would be jumping up and down on it” im not sure what that was in response to. 

meanwhile, ollie was still holding off sir lewis hamilton. and charles was trying to get oscar to pit again by lying over the radio. it was not working. 

lando did a pit stop finally and came out a whole 15 second behind max. he was hoping to catch max by the end of the race. but it might be tight. lets go last lap lando. 

“lando, imagine andrea on your shoulder saying ‘zero wheel spin’ in every exit,” lando’s race engineer said. if you're confused, everyone else was too. 

10 laps to go and here were the order of affairs:

oscar

+.449s charles +1.865s checo +2.989s carlos +16.530s george  +1.909s max +11.535s lando +9.715s fernando +2.589s alex +2.451s nico +4.667s franco +1.590s lewis +1.261s ollie +1.791s pierre +9.205s daniel +23.919s esteban  +.789s lance +3.862s valtteri +3.631s guanyu 

lando was determined. he took fastest lap on lap 43 and was 8.8s behind max

at this point, the leaders were starting to lap the cars in the back. “the back markers are starting to come up,” checo’s engineer said to him. “its going to get messy.”

“hold onto your hats and if you don't have one go get one and hold onto it” harry said. harry would turn out to be correct. 

we had the top 3 all running very close to eachother, that was oscar, charles and checo and “welcome to the party carlos sainz!” who was now 1.2 seconds behind checo in the four way battle for the lead.

definitely not leading was lance stroll, who retired on lap 47 with a brake problem. 

oscar managed to pull ahead of charles by 1.5 seconds, finally knocking him out of DRS range. so now it was a three way battle for second. and charles had “no rear tires. no rear tires at all.” 

and, just like i said he would, lando managed to pass max on lap 49. he was closing the gap slowly in the championship. 

“verstappen’s day goes from bad to worse,” harry said. because lando still had fastest lap, so he would score 3 more points than max. which is important if lando wants to beat max in the championship (though i think hes still like 60 points behind)

meanwhile! franco managed to pass nico hulkenberg for 10th! he was in the points!!!! at his second race!!! 

but this was short lived because there was a crash! a big smackeroo! between carlos and checo!! checo was mad, carlos didn't know what happened. 

what happened was that carlos was trying to pass checo but checo did not move over. it was deemed an equal fault accident. both of them were utterly confused at what happened and apparently spent 20 minutes in the medical center being utterly lost and aparently saying that sometimes this sport sucks. and! contrary to what several people said! checo did not bang on carlos’s helmet after the crash. 

the crash actually caused chef's dad to have a heart attack. he is stable now.

and well. this clip of george from the post qualifying interviews definitely didnt age well:

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but! since we were a matter of a few laps from the end, this meant that the rest of the race was finished under a virtual safety car. 

which meant 

OSCAR PIASTRI WINS THE AZERBAIJAN GP

and george inherited p3! 

and on his own merit too! no safety cars, no team orders, no weird shit! 

“yes!” he whispered over the radio. 

he almost fell getting out of the car, then gave us all the “one moment” hand gesture before properly celebrating. 

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he also got driver of the day! 

(this was marginally better than george russell, who said over the radio “i cant get any rubber (to pick up on his tires) all im getting is leaves”)

gunther steiner also hosted the post race interviews. which was interesting. 

george said that the most difficult part of the race was “driving full gas into a wall of carbon fiber on the penultimate lap…the vsc should have come out sooner” 

charles bashed ferrari because they didn't do any high fuel runs in practice. 

oscar was entirely pleased. “i managed to overtake and hold onto it for the next 35 laps..one of the better races of my career.” and honestly, oscar winning a race straight after mclaren basically announcing that he was their number 2 driver is nothing short of hilarious.

and! mclaren was now leading the constructors championship by 20 points! for the first time in ten years!!!!

the top three had a moment outside of the car that was filled with baffled: 

and oscar's engineer tom got to stand on the podium with him. he usually takes a selfie with oscar after each race he podiums at, but he was too excited to so george took this picture for them

(george also aparently demomished oscar in a game of uno on the plane, immediately humbling him)

george also shielded himself from the champagne on the podium

the cooldown room reacted to the crash in a very straight forward manner:

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and very quickly cause its midnight and the singapore gp starts in 8 hours, the post race, speed ran: 

-mark webber told off laura winter for thinking that oscar didn't have good tire management

-alex albon was “super happy, that's a lot of points for us” (williams finished in 7th and 8th). he cut his own interview short when ollie bearman arrived, saying “I can go, im happy to go” and then waving comically. 

-williams was so pleased with this result they blasted everyone with champagne. and they overtook alpine in the constructors championship! this was also their best race finish all season

-(and a quick note, if youre going to really blame logan for being that shit of a driver here, please remember that the car he was driving was several rounds of upgrades behind alex's pretty much the entire time he was driving it)

-ollie became the first driver to ever score points in his first two races for two different constructors because the double dnf pushed him up to 10th place. he said that there was not much difference between the haas and the ferrari, the ferrari was just red

-franco continued to charm everyone and flirt with the reporters. 

-they interviewed george and lewis and the camera had to be adjusted for george's height. it was comical and resulted in my favorite edit so far of the season (sound on)

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-lando looked pleased and happy for once. he said about holding off checo that “i didn't hold him up i just had to cool my tires a little.” he was delighted to be leading the constructors for the first time in ten years and he defended alex albon saying “i struggled to get past alex for a while, which is common, alex doesnt make mistakes.” he also ratted on max for going to fast during the VSC and said “i didn't complain, facts were stated.” and to sum it all up he said that “im executing things well, i’m very quick…i’m not going to be the happiest guy, but i am never the happiest guy….car is performing well everywhere…some red cars behind us seem to be our biggest competitors right now” 

-by comparison george insulted all of pirelli. the tire people. “pretty infuriating that it (the pace) changes this so much….its black magic, people who make the tires don't understand the tires…..for 20 laps we had a car not worthy of points and for 20 laps we had a car fighting for victory and the only difference is the tires.” 

-lewis was notably upset after the race and walked through the paddock with his helmet on, not wanting to talk to anyone. but he did talk to franco and ollie and congratulate them on a job well done defending against him and racing against him. franco even fangirled over this on his instagram. 

-charles was clearly upset with ferrari. he was so upset he posted a thirst trap.

-and oscar. oscar was very happy this afternoon. and his mom was there! she doesnt usually come cause it scares her, but nicole was there today! 

-mclaren celebrated with a hell of a lot of champagne. both oscar’s wina and lando’s insane recovery, and the fact that they were leading the championship. red bull have been dethroned, at least for now. 

-there was so much champagne that lando took off his socks to spray it. all seems well at mclaren. 

-at least one thing is for sure, oscar had a better time here this weekend than last year when he got food poisoning and only ate four pieces of toast

and with that. we head into singapore. quite literally as it is starting in a few hours. again, i apologixe about this post. its a little sad, but the next one will be better. pinkly promise. 

see you all soon!!!

[etirabys]

(the second paragraph is serious, but the analogy between the first and second paragraph is a shitpost)

Years ago I read an article (true or not I cannot say) about people whose meditation practice lets them function on less sleep. The catch is that you have to meditate as many hours as you take away. Huh, I thought at the time. If this is true, then people who meditate are able to do a function (memory consolidation? background processing of stuff?) while conscious that the body usually can't do unless it's unconscious.

I notice I was really really tired an hour ago (and mostly stopped writing/talking, which I'd been doing for much of the day) and am really really tired now, but spent that whole hour doing... er... it's hard to say. It involves being on my computer. It involves writing up and musing over the most interesting things that happened to me today. It involves rereading the words I wrote for my fiction project and sort of... getting used to their existence. I empirically wanted to do this more than sleep, which I wanted very much. I was barely on social media (I posted some of these thoughts and immediately switched my attention to reading/typing more thoughts) so I don't think it's an addiction thing. And after an hour of this I have a distinct relaxed / garbage-out feeling, like I've mentally caught up with my own day.

[lucyrose191]

NO LONGER HIS| T.WOLFF

Pairing; Toto Wolff x Ex!wife!reader

Summary; Toto now has to face the consequences of his actions that tore your family apart.

Warnings; angst, heartbreak

F1 Master List

You loved him more than anything, supported him through everything and sacrificed way more than you should have.

You had given him your all but it hadn’t been enough.

Your family hadn’t been enough for him.

He had made you feel like a queen the entire time you were married; you couldn’t deny that there were hardships when he was travelling the world and you were left to deal with your own heavily demanding job whilst also raising your son, but even through that you had never expected the heartbreak he had caused you.

You had never in your life thought that Toto could break you the way he did but it was really just a lesson learnt that you don’t really know someone as well as you think you do.

That night when he came home you could immediately tell that something was wrong, that something had happened and so you had put Jack to bed early before going back downstairs to ask him what the problem was.

You would never forget the words he muttered that night, they still replayed in your head over and over again, tormenting you sleep and acting like a rain cloud hovering over your head as you tried to go about your day.

"I slept with Lara."

Your heart had dropped as he spoke those words, it was as though the entire world had came crashing down onto your body.

You knew Lara.

Lara, his assistant that had looked you straight in the eye each time they spoke and treated you with nothing but kindness.

She had been very kind. Kind enough to fuck your husband.

You didn’t speak, simply stared at him as you processed the situation. Strangely, you didn’t feel anger, you felt many things; sadness, disappointment, loads and loads of betrayal but no anger because you were never one to get angry. Seemingly even when the man in front of you had torn your family apart.

The remorse was clear as day on his face but it made you feel nothing, you had no forgiveness for him.

That night, Toto had crawled into your cold bed, his chest heavy when you didn’t subconsciously turn over and cuddle into him, instead you remained facing away for him, body rigid and uncomfortable.

The next morning, Toto had woken to an empty bed and an empty house. You had risen at some point during the night and quietly packed your bags and left, taking Jack with you.

On his nightstand, you had left him a note.

The divorce papers are on the dining table, I don’t want anything so all you need to do is sign. I’ll be in touch about co-parenting schedules.

I hope she was worth breaking our family apart

It had taken four lines for him to realise the severity of what he had done.

It has taken four words for you.

Travelling around the world with your ex husband wasn’t ideal but since your job was flexible, only needing to make the occasional trip back to England to go into the office, it made sense to do it.

It was painful in the beginning, more than painful but it allowed Toto to remain with Jack and you weren’t the type of person to stop your son seeing his father just because of the pain he caused you.

Toto may have committed the ultimate sense of betrayal but that didn’t change the fact that he was the best father in the world to your son.

So here you were, a year later walking into the Mercedes garage, now the ex wife of Toto Wolff; no longer did the team call you Mrs Boss or Mrs Mercedes out of respect to you, it really wasn’t hard for them to understand what had happened since shortly after Toto fired his assistant the news of your divorce became public.

Sometimes members of the team still couldn’t look at him without wanting to punch him in the face or question what the fuck was wrong with his brain to cause him to lose the kindest woman in the world.

It had been shocking to them when they heard the news of the two of you parting ways, after seeing you interact as a couple over the years, they witnessed nothing but unconditional love and happiness but it just shows that you never really know what’s happening behind closed doors.

You were greeted by a series of smiles and hellos, the team loved you to pieces as you always treated them with the utmost respect and politeness, even offering to help with what you had the skill set for.

You glanced around the garage, easily setting your eyes on Toto’s 6ft 5 frame, immediately walking in his direction, Jack resting on your hip with his head on your shoulder.

It still hurt to see him after all of the time spent apart and getting over him, you were aware that you would always love him but even still the heartbreak would possibly never leave and you knew it was time for you to move on from what you thought was a great love, it was time for you to start over and put yourself first.

Bono noticed you walking over and quickly excused himself from his boss to give you privacy.

Toto turned and saw you walking over to him, still as beautiful as ever, even more so with your handsome little boy by your side, his bag on your shoulder.

"Hey," he greeted, reaching his arms out for Jack who leaned forward into him.

Everytime Toto looked at you he was slapped in the face with guilt, knowing he deserved to feel more than that for the pain he caused you.

"Hi, are you positive you’re able to have him here? I know how busy you can get around here." You asked for the hundredth time in the past couple of days.

"Don’t worry, everyone loves him here and I’m not too busy today so we’ll be fine. What are you doing anyways?" You barely asked him to have Jack during her scheduled hours, you always had him when you were meant to have him, unlike Toto who was always rearranging times.

"I’m going on a date and didn’t want to leave him with just anyone, I was going to cancel if you couldn’t so I’m glad you can, I really appreciate it." You smiled, a tad excited for the date, not noticing the way Toto had stiffened because of your words.

I’m going on a date.

I’m going on a date.

I’m going on a date.

"I should really get going, the last thing I want is to be late. I’ll pick him back up straight after, thanks again." He zoned back as he heard your goodbye but was still riddled with shock to say anything and by the time he had registered everything you had already started walking away so all he could do was simply stare until you were out of sight.

He should’ve expected it really, he hadn’t, but he should have.

It had been a year now and no man would turn down the opportunity to be in the company of a woman so rare.

"Who’s shit in your coffee?" Toto jumped, his grip momentarily tightened on Jack as he turned around, coming face to face with Lewis.

"What?" Toto mumbled, way too distracted to listen to his driver’s question.

Lewis tilted his head at his boss. "What’s wrong with you? Was that Y/N I seen earlier?"

Toto nodded.

"Right…" Lewis eyed him weirdly. "Well I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone pull a face like yours after a conversation with her."

"She’s going on a date," there was a bite to his words that wasn’t heard very often but the idea of you with another man made him sick.

"Wow! Good for her!" Toto glared at him. "What? You aren’t jealous, are you?" Lewis laughed.

"I’m not jealous." Toto muttered like a petulant child.

Lewis shook his head in disbelief. "You have no right to be jealous, Toto. Look, you’re a good man and a great friend but what you did to her was unforgivable. She carried your child for nine months, then had to adjust to be a parent by herself in those first five months because you’re always working and you payed her back by sleeping with your assistant. You lost one hell of a woman, she’s one of a kind, you really cannot be surprised that she’s been asked out on a date, any man would want a woman like her."

Lewis was right, Toto knew he was. You were a one of a kind woman and he had no right to be jealous or annoyed by the fact that you were moving on. Especially when it was his fault that you were now divorced.

It was his fault you were seeing another person, he should be happy that you were no longer consumed by the hurt of his actions but all he could think about was the fact that he had officially lost you now and there was most definitely no way back.

You were no longer his to love because loving him had brought you a pain like no other.

[powermakar]

This is me Trying - LS2

A/N: I feel so bad for Logan after what has happened. Please don't send any type of hate to Alex.

Summary: James tells Logan that he won't be racing on Sunday and everything goes down hill.

Logan Sergeant x female!reader

Warnings: panic attacks and some swearing

I just wanted you to know that this is me trying, at least I'm trying. 

“-so you won’t be able to drive this weekend” 

“What?” 

“Alex is going to be driving your car this weekend since his car is severely damaged.”

“Oh, okay,” Logan felt numb. He couldn’t feel his hands shaking, but he could see them physically shaking. 

“I know it’s a lot but the team really needs this Logan. Thank you for doing this,” James said before walking off. 

Logan began to feel himself lose touch with reality. It was a feeling he was beginning to feel comfortable with. I mean at this point it was happening every race weekend now, so he just HAD to get comfortable with it. At first, he didn’t know what it was, maybe he was just getting sick; but after a few times and some Google searches, he figured out what it was. 

Panic attacks. 

No one knew that he experienced them. Not James, not his trainer, not Oscar; hell, his own girlfriend did not know that he got them. He had to get out of there fast so no one found out. God, he couldn't even imagine what the media would do if it became public knowledge. 

Tears and ragged breaths while hidden in the corners of his driver’s room became his go-to when he didn’t know what else to do. This time it felt different though. The sobs were louder and his vision was blurrier, he felt weak. He felt stupid. How could someone fuck up so badly and he still would get punished. He knew life wasn’t fair and he knew that Formula 1 wasn’t fair either. 

But fuck, it wasn’t fair. At all. 

The knock on the door did not register the first time, nor the second or third. He only realized someone entered the room when he felt someone’s hand on his shoulder. 

You, the love of his life, was seeing him at the lowest he had ever been. Gasps in between sobs were loud and short, and Logan felt embarrassed. He felt shameful and afraid. He couldn’t breathe and he was scared for his future. 

“It’s not fair, it's not fair, it’s just not fucking fair. I'm trying. I’m trying so fucking hard. Can’t you see that? Can’t anyone see that,” he babbled out. 

“Logan I- I know that this is hard, you worked so hard. You deserve to be driving, you shouldn’t be placed on the back burner because someone made a mistake. You’ve worked so hard for so long and it kills me to see you like this. Have you thought about how Alex may-,” Logan cut you off before you could say anything else. 

“No, no. Do not even start with Alex. I know he’s better, I know I am a liability, but I know I can try to be better,” he got up suddenly. He felt lightheaded, he felt dizzy. Stumbling around his room trying to get away from you. “I finally out-performed him and it just gets ripped out from underneath me. Literally,” Logan laughs bitterly. He didn’t care what he looked like now, he probably looked like a madman, but who the hell cares anymore?

“Logan- please just listen to me. Alex probably feels like shit. Yes he crashed his car but it's not his fault the team gave him your car. It's the team,” she pauses “It’s- it’s James’ fault.” 

“I don’t care whose fault it is. I just care about the fact that this is probably going to be one of the last times I'm going to be in F1. My time is going to get cut short, no one has any faith in me anymore. I don’t blame them though, I’m failing and I'm terrified,” Logan says. He could finally breathe normally but he could still feel his heart pounding in his ears. 

He didn’t understand any of it. How could he be failing so badly at something he used to be so good at? He glanced back at you, ready to face the disappointment he knew you secretly hid. 

“Just tell me you can’t stand me anymore. Tell me that I embarrass you. Tell me that you hate me. Tell me that you are disappointed in me. Please just tell me, please.”

“Logan-,” you were in shock. You never knew that he felt like this, about himself. He hid it so well, almost to the point where it was impressive. “You know I could never say any of those things to you. I love you so, so much and I'm so proud of you,”

Both of you heard a knock on the door and one of William’s PR managers called out, “Media in 10, Logan!”

How they expected him to go out into the media pen and act like everything was fine was beyond you. Reaching up to cup his face in your hands, you quickly wipe away a stray tear that fell at your confession. Logan gently squeezed your wrist and smiled sadly. A silent, but meaningful conversation.

[sylvaridreams]

Inhales. You know what gets me when I think about Heart of Thorns. The anti-sylvari sentiment in-universe was SO real for a while there. During the period of time where the whole world of Tyria learned the secret that Wynne had died to protect, that sylvari came from the jungle dragon, that they were made to serve it. Everyone turned on them. Friends, lovers, commanding officers, it didn't matter anymore. They COULD turn mordrem at any time, so you had to assume that they would. You couldn't trust something that belonged to a dragon. Even Laranthir (of the Wild) right after the crash, being held captive by his own people, waiting for him to go feral and tear their throats out. The sylvari Commander was granted a little wiggle room, a little space to walk around freely, but it's all very conditional. Prove you're a good one, that you won't fall to the dragon. There's the event in Verdant Brink where they round up all the sylvari in a camp and ask you to interrogate them, to break them down until they confess to being mordrem. And inevitably a few of them are hiding among the camp, but an equal number of sylvari run from you in fear, more afraid of you and the Pact than the certain death of the jungle beyond. The other innocents that stay don't have a choice. It's keep your head down and don't say anything or be killed, one way or another, while the Commander that you've worked under for the past couple of years interrogates a crying novice, asking if they've heard a voice. And who hasn't heard the voice at that point? The Commander admits to hearing it too. Canach likens it to a buzzing fly. Irritating. Nothing more. Strong willed sylvari don't stumble when Mordremoth speaks. But even that's not true; maybe not everyone's played Heart of Thorns on a sylvari Commander, but the closer you get to the dragon, you start to falter, to black out and lose time. In its domain you actually do fall to it. Briefly. Just for a while, you forget who you are and what you're doing there, and mordrem start giving you killing orders. And you snap out of it and never tell anyone, never. They can't know how close you got.

But what GETS ME is that after the dragon is dead, no one talks about it. It all returns to normal. Like the tension was never there in the first place. I'm sure there might be some loaded quips about sylvari in Living World Season 3 right after, but the next time I actually can recall it coming up is in Path of Fire. Right as you get into Desert Highlands; Canach says something about "I always knew this whole human/gods arrangement wouldn't work out" and Kasmeer shoots back "This coming from someone with a DRAGON in their family tree." And that's that. No one actually really discusses it in-game. They all moved on and don't care if you're a dragon minion or not.

Which. Augh. WHAT!!!!! NO ONE CARES? I'm sure it's a better end-user experience than if everyone you encountered as a sylvari player was like "OOOOOH I DON'T TRUST YOUR TYPE... YOU WRETCHED DRAGON PLANT FOLK" but narratively it's a little boring. At least in the sense that it doesn't feel finished. There should still be tons of anti-sylvari sentiment in Tyria and propaganda spread to force them out of parts of society and stupid hoops to jump through to be considered safe. Just as I think that sylvari should still hold anti-asura sentiment--you're telling me their small second generation had a huge group taken away and tortured to death and there's no ingrained fear of it happening again? I want my sylvari commander to have met Gorrik in LWS4 and been like haha. uh. 😥 (do I really have to work with this guy. An inquest...) (and EVENTUALLY come to like and trust him!) instead of the game plowing over it like oh yeah don't worry about it n_n the facility exploded and all so he doesn't work there now don't worry n_n NO I'M WORRIED!-- again I'm sure that the smoothing over of Everything is a better end-user experience. rather than everyone you meet being rude to you or vice versa. However----💥 (I am killed by a sniper from a long distance so that I stop talking before I begin delving into the prejudices that are already baked into the narrative)

[denwritesandcries]

One rock a day keeps the Wilderness away – L.M

Pairing: lottie matthews x fem!reader

Summary: The last thing you expected to happen after a plane crash was for your girlfriend to end up becoming some kind of cult leader fascinated by amulets made of the weirdest and shiny things like a damn owl, yet here you are.

Word count: 1,7k.

Content: 96/wilderness timeline, cursing, pet names, fluff and corny, comfort, skeptic!reader, lottie and reader are secretly little haters.

Note: I guess you could say that I simply love writing fluff and cuddles.

English is not my first language.

If there was one thing everyone at Wiskayok High School was aware of, it was that Lottie Matthews was rich as fuck.

She always wore the most expensive clothes, there was a driver who picked her up at the door and took her everywhere, her house was simply giant and some dare to say that a butler was the one who met them at the door and served them drinks on the nights she had her parties.

The thing is, Lottie was a bit... weird, for a rich girl, which meant that she wasn't as popular at school as she could’ve been. She didn't exactly fit the bad girl role, but she wasn't quite a preppy either, with her extravagant bows and tiaras being the most luxurious thing she would actively display. She was distant at best.

This made you, at the beginning of your relationship, try to spoil her in every way possible, not being able to believe that this sweet and out of reach person could reciprocate your feelings so genuinely when she could have just anyone, so, in addition to showering her with affection, you also showered her with gifts. Accessories, especially. Earrings, necklaces, bracelets, until you understand that jewelry really wasn't her thing, since despite accepting everything with affection, she simply left them stored insisting that you didn't spend your money on it. Lottie was much more appreciative of the little things you gave and did for her.

Now, the last thing you expected was for her to develop a taste for accessories in the damn wilderness of all places.

“Baby, I’m not wearing a necklace with a damn bone hanging from it to go hunting.”

It turns out that, like almost everything involving Lottie, her way of demonstrating her new preferences – maybe hobbies? – was also not very usual and you hadn't exactly taken anything of the royal jewelry type for a trip that was supposed to be quick.

“But I chose and made it for you! Will keep you safe out there, I feel it.”

Oh, yeah. There was also the fact that your girlfriend was perhaps slowly going a little mad and becoming the leader of a religious cult that your teammates were a part of and that she wanted you to participate too.

“Jesus Christ, Lot.”

You didn't want to encourage her. The worry was eating you alive and it's only gotten worse since she confided in you that she finally ran out of her meds.

You, unlike your other teammates, were aware that the things Lottie said or did lately were much more influenced by her own condition than any other truly supernatural factor – as much as you couldn't deny that the cabin and the forest gave you goosebumps –, which made you really stressed and irritable with all your friends as they started to believe in things that didn't exist and put pressure on your girlfriend for answers as if she were some kind of prophet.

You managed to keep everything under control and keep her from straying too far from reality to a certain point, but then the whole situation with the group being attacked and Van being seriously injured happened and so nothing you did could convince Lottie that there was nothing what she could have done about it and that only seemed to encourage her more when the redhead recovered enough to confide you all that she should have listened to the feeling Lottie had and that she felt safer with the “amulet” she received from her.

The result is that you are now the target of Lottie's worries and she insists that you wear the charms and trinkets she makes.

It's actually quite cute, you've caught her once or twice sitting by the fire trying to figure out how to tie a knot that won't snap the cord, her eyes glazed over and focused. You could use it, as bizarre as it would be, if it was just a silly gift from your girlfriend, but since that's not what it is, you don't want to put even more things in her head in case something actually happens.

“But then what’s going to protect you when you leave?” Lottie asks, head tilted to the side in alarm and you can only notice how her bangs fall over her eyes in a messy and cute way.

“Maybe the gun I always carry with me?”

However, it was becoming difficult not to encourage her in any way, because aside from bones or occasionally some different plants, Lottie also seemed to see signs in anything that stood out a little, like the bright and colorful rocks you had made a habit of bringing at her, guarding everything that caught her attention like a damn owl.

It started as a silly thing, with a cracked and shiny rock you found near the lake the day you guys found the cabin, you cleaned it and handed it to her with a shy smile, like it was one of your gifts back home, just to cheer her up a little and since then she kept the rock with her at all times – even if sometimes she woke up twitching because she ended up lying against it in the middle of the night. That seemed to turn the key and over the next few days you noticed that she spent time looking for new types nearby the house and so you committed to bringing all the pretty items she might like when you went on your hunts with Natalie, from strange rocks to little crystals lost along the way, just because she looked so happy when you handed them to her.

You think her cute gesture turned into more of a paranoia like 'one rock a day keeps the wilderness away', but at least it makes her more relaxed and happy on days when everything is bad.

One day you return to the cabin with Natalie in tow looking very upset because you've come back empty-handed again and your head is drooping with exhaustion and frustration. When you finally enter Lottie is waiting for you with an appreciative, warm look in her face.

“Did you get anything?” she asks, wrapping her arm around you and guiding you both to your usual corner so you can sit side by side.

You mumble negatively and bury your head in her neck. She rephrases the question when she notices your discouragement:

“Did you get anything for me?”

You sigh, smiling at her, “That I did.”

Lottie watches you curiously as you move to take something out of your pocket and show it to her and you notice the exact moment she registers what’s in your hand.

“A quartz.” She takes it from you like it’s the most fragile thing in the world, “It’s a pink quartz.”

“Is it?” You ask, stifling a yawn with your hand, “I don't know a thing about those stones and stuff, just thought it was pretty and you would like it.”

“Well, I do like it very much. Thank you.” Lottie gives you a soft smooch on the cheek, “And it's not a stone, baby, it's more like a gem or a crystal.”

“Hmm,” you hum in agreement.

She leans her entire weight against your body and smiles innocently when you complain: “Misty told me the other day that gems like that mean peace and unconditional love.”

“You've been talking to Misty? About rocks and gems?” You look at her in disbelief.

“I feel really lonely without you here with me, you know?” Lottie shrugged.

You felt a little guilty and moved closer, leaving a kiss on her shoulder.

“I'm sorry, Lot. I miss you when I'm away too,” you murmur, rubbing her arm in comfort, “Why don't you tell me about your day?”

Lottie rolls her eyes in a way that reminds you so much of the days when you guys would get together to talk shit about everyone you knew in these stupid parties that your heart skips a beat.

“Ugh, if I hear Mari complain about one more damn thing, I’m going to tell you to stop chasing bears and order everyone to serve her for dinner.”

“Please, don’t.” You snort a dumbfounded laugh, “They might actually do it.”

You end up lying down with her curled up and facing you, gently drawing small circles on your hand.

“Got something in your mind?”, you brush some strands of hair from her face affectionately.

“I just have no idea what to do with… them,” she shrugs hesitantly.

You know what she means immediately and move to take her face in your hands, feeling her lean into your touch.

“Oh, Lottie.”

“I know what you and Nat do for us is very important, but I wish you didn't have to,” she mumbles, as if she were confiding a secret, getting impossibly close to you. “I wish you would stay here, with me, where it is safe. Is it too selfish? Want to keep you all to myself?”

You let out a shaky breath, not trusting your own voice when you can feel her breath against your lips like this.

“Well, if Shauna can hide her diary in the attic like a freak then I guess you're allowed to keep some things to yourself too, hun.” You stutter, feeling your skin heat up in embarrassment.

“But you're not a thing.” Lottie wrinkles her nose.

“You can keep me anyway, I don’t mind.” You shrug this time, faking indifference to make her laugh.

And she does, “Babe!”

Just when everything is silent and you think Lottie has slept with your legs wrapped around hers and using your arm as a pillow, she speaks again:

“You know, my new quartz would make a really cute necklace.”

“Lot,” you yawn against her hair.

“Will you use it if I make one?” She looks at you, blinking her big brown eyes in the most convincing way possible, “Just this one, please, for me?”

You sigh, “Yes, Lottie. I'll use your magic stone.”

She deflates, “Don’t talk about it like it’s crack, babe.”

Lottie kisses you slower than usual before you leave as she finally notices the pink gem hanging from your neck and you happily ignore Natalie's mockery as you run after her to catch up to the forest.

[factual-fantasy]

But what happened to Ingo that he got al bloody??? Was he attacked by something??? By someone??? And why was Elesa alone on the last panel, where Emmet go? To sleep maybe? To look for his brother yet again somewhere? Does Ingo has memory loss or he does not? If he does, does he remember everything when he gets back? And forget about the adventure he just had? How much time was he missing? He is still all bloody and his leg is still not looking great so I'd say not very much?? His leg is looking awfull I love it.

(Post in question)

XDD I'll take this ask as an opportunity to go into much more detail on the story and answer all your questions!

So for starters, in my AU The Wilds isn't some far off island as its seems to be in the game. My version of The Wilds is 100s upon 100s of acers of land somewhere on the far far range.

Also, Elesa has her own ranch separate from the twins. She has a big lab on her ranch with welding equipment and tools and what not.

ANYWAYS! So Ingo and Emmet had been out exploring when they happened upon The Wilds. Excited to see this uncharted land, they charged right in. They explored together to start, but at some point they split up. Neither of them really even remember why they split.. they both regret separating looking back..

Ingo found a big open field and began walking across it. considering there was literally nothing ahead of him he felt confident to take out his Rotom and type away on it while walking.

Suddenly he fell into a big gaping hole in the middle of the field. Looking at his Rotom he didn't see it coming..

He tumbled down several feet and crashed into the cave floor. The result was a mild concussion, blood pouring from his forehead and a nasty sprained ankle..

He laid there unconscious for a few minutes before waking up dazed and confused. Looking ahead of him he saw a dim light. So he just.. instinctively crawled towards it.

It turns out that dim light was an old teleporter that led him miles and miles into The Wilds. The teleporter deactivated behind him.

About an hour passed when Emmet started look for Ingo. When he couldn't find him right away he tracked him on his Rotom. Following the signal he found a hole in the ground leading to the enormous cave..

Carefully making his way down the hole he found Ingo's abandoned Rotom, a trail of blood leading to an old broken teleporter.. but no Ingo.

It was pretty clear what had happened. Ingo had gone through the teleporter. But it was deactivated so he couldn't follow him.

He called Elesa in a panic, and Elesa told him to bring the teleporter to her ranch. There she had welding supplies and tools to hopefully fix the old teleporter and bring Ingo home. Or maybe go through it themselves and find him..

While Elesa worked on the teleporter, Emmet still had a ranch to maintain and slimes to feed. At the moment there wasn't much else he could do to help in finding Ingo anyways.. So he went back to his ranch and maintaining it.

Now its at this point I should talk about Celebi.

I had this idea that Celebi is this mischievous slime that lives in The Moss Blanket. Ingo and Emmet have become obsessed with trying to capture this slime so that they can study it. Though this slime always escapes somehow. After months of failing to capture it, this cat and mouse routine has turned into a game for both parties.

Celebi will appear and temp the brothers into chasing after her. The dinguses always give in and make chase, only to tire themselves out and end up empty handed.

This routine has become so casual that there have been somedays where they go to The Moss Blanket and Celebi appears. The boys will shake their heads. "Sorry, no games today. We actually have chores to do.." Celebi will pout but then confidently approach them and help them with their chores and allow them to pet her. The next time they visit it'll be back to trying to catch her and her always slipping away. XD

So with that context, it had been about 3 days or so since Ingos disappearance. Emmet was back at his ranch waiting for any good news from Elesa.. At some point he had to stop by The Moss Blanket for his usual chores and to empty him and Ingos extractors.

Emmet had tried to stay calm through all this. He tried to tell himself that Ingo would be fine. he was tough, capable. Surly he would be fine.. though being in The Moss Blanket.. perhaps he saw something that reminded him of Ingo. And just thinking about how his brother was bleeding, and all alone out there..

It was just too much. He was so worried about Ingo and he missed him so much.. Emmet fell to his knees and started crying.

Celebi heard the crying and came to investigate. Only to find.. just one of the brothers.?

Celebi tried to comfort Emmet by nuzzling up against his arm. It helped some and he was able to compose himself.

"Sorry,, no games today.. Ingo's not here... maybe some other day.."

Celebi wouldn't leave his side though. Emmet couldn't help it and kind'a vented the situation to Celebi, even though he thought she couldn't understand him.

He talked about this new land they discovered. He talked about how he turned away for only a minute.. and then Ingo was gone.. But most importantly, he talked about the pink trees..

After Emmet left the Moss Blanket, Celebi turned around and went straight to The Wilds in search of Ingo.

Around 2 weeks give or take have gone by when Celebi finally finds Ingo. And by this time Elesa had fully repaired the teleporter and reactivated it.. but the teleporter didn't connect with another. Ingo did not appear..

Celebi began to try to lead Ingo home. It was tough considering how slow Ingo moved and all the dangers The Wilds presented.. but they managed.

A few days go by and its at this point that Emmet and Elesa are completely defeated. They don't even know where to begin looking for Ingo. They have no way of knowing where that teleporter took Ingo. Although Elesa tried to hack into it and find its last coordinates..

Emmet was back at his ranch, and to be honest.. he was falling apart. Each day that went by he spiraled more and more. There was talk about packing up a bunch of gear and supplies and venturing into The Wilds looking for Ingo.. though there were a lot of problems that presented..

Meanwhile Celebi, Ingo and Lady Sneasler saw a glint coming from a nearby cave..

It was another teleporter! And although it was currently shut off, it looked to be functioning! Ingo said a heartfelt goodbye to Celebi and Lady Sneasler. he thanked them for all their help and care. He activated the teleporter, and stepped through..

All in all Ingo was gone for about 3 weeks or so. He didn't suffer any memory loss or anything thankfully. His concussion and sprained ankle were generally mild and healed on their own over those 3 weeks. Although his leg was still pretty sore since he was constantly walking on it..

I have some ideas in mind for what happens after Ingo returns and what the reunion with Emmet is like. I plan to draw it sometime soon so stay tuned! :}}}

Also thank you for your interest in this Au and for your ask! It gave me a great excuse to ramble about the story and go into more detail! XDD

[strawheart-pirate]

Oasis

Portgas D. Ace x afab!Reader

Words: 2658 CW: Alabasta Setting (spoilerfree), NSFW, vaginal sex, blowjob, fingering, tongue fucking, consensual, pet names (babe, my love)

You were home safe and sound thanks to Ace. Your feelings we’re a mess ever since and on top your grandmother invited your savior for dinner to thank him properly. As it was time to part ways your feelings were crashing down on you. A steaming hot sequel to Drought.

You woke up to the sun, kissing your face the early morning. You lifted your head and grabbed your pillow tight until you realized that you squished the man below you and not your pillow. A deep red blush crept onto your face as Ace woke up from the pressure around his ribs.

“Ugh, no. Is it already morning?” Ace grumbled, his eyes shut tight, as he stretched beneath you.

“Unfortunately.” You mumbled, still deeply embarrassed.

“Just five more minutes.” He said as he turned towards you and held you in a tight embrace.

If your blush was gone seconds ago, it was now as prominent as ever since his bare chest was right inside your face and his arms secured you in a way that left no room for protest.

“Ace, please, my grandma has worried long enough.” You begged.

“Alright, okay. Let’s get going.” He slowly went up and packed a few things. It was clearly visible that he was not a morning person, and you were impressed that he didn’t fell over, given how much he was swaying.

You checked your place for any package or clothing left, but you were done. Ready to go.

As you both walked side by side through the desert, Ace told you about his pirate life. He was very enthusiastic about his stories and you laughed a lot. The lizard followed you in a good distance.

“Do you know my little brother? His name is Monkey D. Luffy and I’ll meet him soon here in Nanohana.” He shoved the wanted poster right in your face.

“He has a precious smile.” You admit.

“I know, right? See, when we were young, we did everything together…”

Ace was rambling about his brother Luffy until you finally reached the gates of the city and parted ways with the lizard. At this point you thought that you knew Luffy better than Ace, but that didn’t matter. You loved the stories Ace told you and even though they were about Luffy, you could clearly read between the lines and gather information about your travel buddy. You didn’t even notice that you smiled admiringly at him and gave him a few side glances until you were at your house.

“Grandma!” you yelled and rushed towards your grandma, who was sitting in front of your house. You hugged her tight and reassured her, that you were fine as Ace watched you two. Tears flowed down your faces and your grandma was clearly relieved that everything was alright. As you both calmed down, you introduced Ace and your grandma to each other.

“Ace, this is my grandma. Grandma, this is Ace. He saved me yesterday.” You said and your grandma scanned Ace thoroughly before she spoke.

“Thank you for saving my grandchild, young man. Please have dinner with us tonight.”

“Oh, I’d like to, but…”

“No buts, you must come. We want to thank you properly, so you will come. Don’t make me repeat myself.” Your grandma demanded and Ace and you were a bit taken aback.

“O-Okay..” Ace stuttered and the old lady chuckled to herself.

“6pm. Be on time.” She said and Ace took his leave, since he had some things to do.

“Now, Y/N, tell me about this man and what happened to you.” Your grandma said and patted the seat next to her.

You sighed and sat down. “Where shall I start…”

It had been an hour until your grandma knew the whole story. She was now in the kitchen preparing the dinner and you did your chores. Although you were busy, your mind drifted off to Ace quite frequently.  Even though he was a pirate, you were sure he was not the nasty type. You owed him your life, yes. And that alone causes admiration to some degree, but you also enjoyed the talks with him. It was clearly visible, that he loved his little brother and his cocky, but cheerful attitude along with his well-trained body left you longing for more.

Oh my, I really got it bad. You sighed as you thought to yourself but smiled anyway.

Evening came and Ace appeared at the doorstep right on time. He had a nice bouquet of flowers in his hand and handed it to your grandma.

“Thanks for your invitation, madame.” He smiled sheepishly.

“Oh, what a lovely young man you are. And please, just call me grandma. I like the connection that comes with it.” She smiled knowingly.

You rolled your eyes at her antics and led your guest into the living room. There, a small table was set up for the three of you by the window and the evening sun gently illuminated the simply furnished room.

“Here we are.” Your grandma said as she put down the pot in the middle and you all got seated.

The dinner was pleasant. At first you talked about random topics, but now Ace was telling your grandma everything about his brother Luffy. You knew the stories and so you leaned back in your chair and sipped your drink. You haven’t seen your grandmas’ eyes shine that bright in a long time. Something about this man was truly special and you followed the conversation with a gentle smile on your face.

It had been three hours and Ace was about to head off to his lodging. The sun was just setting and your grandma hugged the freckled man goodbye.

“Thanks again for that lovely dinner, grandma.” Ace said and bowed to her.

“Ah, you’re welcome. Come by anytime, okay?” she smiled as she took his face in her hands and slapped his cheek lightly a few times.

“Will do.” He said and turned to you. “I…”

“I’ll walk you home.” You beat him to it. Your offer was a bit unusual and you could clearly see the question marks on his face.

“Then off you go.” Your grandma gave you a knowing smile and waved the both of you off.

You took his hand and started walking. He waved to your grandma one last time and quickly got used to the new situation. No one said a word as you walked hand in hand to the address he had given you. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, but you were deep in thought. You felt something for this man and wanted to spend more time with him, but you didn’t know if he felt the same. Before you could even come to a conclusion, Ace stopped.

“Alright, we’re here. This is the inn.” Said Ace, giving you a beaming smile. You couldn’t face him because he would clearly see the hurt in your eyes. You didn’t want to let go but you tried to find the right words.

You started to phrase your emotions. “Yeah, well… Thank you again and maybe we’ll meet…”

Two strong hands grabbed your face and before you knew what was happening, Ace smashed his lips to yours. The kiss was hungry, his lips demanding. He wanted everything from you and you would give it to him without hesitation. You melted in his hands and your lips joined the fiery battle. As you put your arms around his neck, he broke away from you just enough to catch his breath.

“Do you want to…?” – “Yes!” You both smiled as your lips met again and he grabbed your butt to lift you up. A sound of surprise left you and you giggled slightly as he carried you up the stairs and into his room. He set you down and locked the door in one fluid motion, trapping you between him and the door. His lustful gaze traveled over your body from head to toe and back again before he took your face back into his hands and kissed you passionately. You hummed in pleasure and placed your hands around his neck to play with his black strands. His pelvis rubbed against yours in a needy rhythm.

“Ace…” you moaned his name impatiently.

Ace wasted no time and carried you over to the bed and laid you on the soft mattress before removing his hat and coat. The look he had on you was breathtaking, as it looked like there was a fire burning in his brown irises. He slowly approached you, but you stopped him before he could lay on top of you. You slid off the bed and got down on your knees. Your hand wandered over his beautiful abs and you unzipped his pants.

"Let me take care of my savior." You looked at him through half-lidded eyes and stripped him naked.

 A breathless moan escaped the man. His erection was now right in front of your face and you took your time to look at it thoroughly. He had just the right thickness, was long and curved up a little. The tip was a light shade of purple and he had a prominent vein on top. You licked your lips.

"Like what you see?" He teased, though he already knew the answer, and posed a little for you.

You grabbed it gently and let your tongue slide from his shaft to his tip while holding his gaze.

"Oh fuck." He said and looked away for a second as he inhaled sharply. "That’s so hot."

You took his cock all the way into your mouth and gave it a good taste until you hummed in approval. He was delicious. Ace couldn't take his eyes off you and you gave him a glance every now and then as you bobbed your head on his cock. Your hand alternately gently massaged his balls and clasped the lower part of his cock in a firm grip.

Your tongue swirled around his tip and Ace moaned louder and louder. It wasn’t long before he grabbed your head.

"Is it okay if I...?" you hummed in approval and he shoved his cock deep down your throat. You gagged a little, but it was okay, drool pouring down your chin. Your cunt throbbed as Ace used your throat and a few bounces later he painted it white on the inside. You swallowed everything he gave you and licked your lips. He smiled at you, satisfied and a bit exhausted, and you returned his gaze with a perky smile. Ace dropped to his knees and kissed you passionately, his tongue deep inside your mouth, battling for dominance in a demanding kiss until he lifted you up and placed you on the bed.

"It’s payback time."

He peeled you out of your gown, lifted your leg and kissed you on the inside of your thigh. His hands were all over you until he suddenly stopped.

"Let me show you something." He said and you propped yourself up your elbows and watched him hold his finger over your belly. A familiar little flame appeared, and he cautiously ran it over your belly. His touch was warm, but he didn’t burn you. You couldn’t take your eyes off the flame as he approached your nipples. As his fingertip grazed over your bud, the flame flared a little and you gasped at the sensation of his touch and the blazing flame. He smirked at your reaction and you heart skipped a beat. His teasing play continued with the other bud until he let his hand slowly move down until he reached your clit. You moaned his name like a prayer as he traced circles on your clit with his flaming fingertip. Each time the flame slid over your sensitive spot, a crackling warmth coursed through you. You were so fascinated by the flame that you didn't realize what Ace was up to until the flame went out and he slid his finger inside you. You gasped at the sudden intrusion and moved your hips towards him.

"I hope you liked my little trick." he teased just before he placed his lips onto your folds.

He licked a straight line from your entrance to your clit as he slowly pumped his finger in and out of your needy cunt. You tried to move your hips, but he held you back with a strong arm.

"Stay still and let me enjoy my dessert." He demanded and his command increased the tightness of the knot in your belly. He flicked his tongue repeatedly over your clit while he inserted a second finger into your velvety folds.

"Ace…" you whimpered. The pressure was rising inside you. He knew exactly how close you were. The squelching sounds of your soaking cunt and your sweet moans resounded through the room. For the final act, he exchanged his fingers for his tongue. His fingers were rougher and provided more friction on your clit and his tongue penetrated deep into your folds. The vibrations that flowed through you pussy as he hummed with desire send you over the edge.

"Ahh, FUCK!" Your juices gushed all over his face as he tongue fucked you through your orgasm. He licked all your sweet liquids off you before he is looking at you with a pleased smile.

 "You taste like an oasis, babe." he praised, and you blushed. He crawled up on you and gave you a taste of yourself. The kiss was passionate, and your tongues danced lovingly together.

"Wanna ride me, babe, or you want me to rail you into the mattress?" A smug grin on his face. - "Why not both, but I'd like to start riding you while my legs still work.” You suggested.

He smiled devilishly at you and turned you both around so that he was on his back and you were on top of him. You sat up and positioned yourself over him. He held his cock still as you slowly slid yourself down and buried his cock deep inside you.

"You feel sooo good, Ace." You praise him as you put your hands on his abs for more balance.

"Says the one driving me crazy with those needy hot walls."

You chuckled and started riding him at a slow pace. One of his hands was on your hip and the second teased your clit every now and then. Your sweaty bodies moved in harmony and the clashing of your hips filled the room with a sweet symphony that, together with the moans that escaped from both of you in sheer pleasure, created a passionate melody. Your movements became sloppy as the knot in your stomach continued to tighten and Ace placed his second hand on your hips as well, as he began to thrust into you from below.

You gasped as he hit your sweet spot deep inside you and a smirk appeared on his face. Your nails clawed deep into his chest as he hit the same spot over and over, bringing you closer to the edge with every thrust. He hissed in pleasure as your nails dug into his flesh.

“Oh god, you’re so good to me. I don’t deserve you.” – “Ahhh, Ace, please.” You plead as you were about to climax.

“It’s okay babe, cum for me.” He said as he sped up his movements. Your knot snapped and your climax hit you hard. You pressed your shaking legs into Ace’s ribs and clawed into your own breasts as you screamed his name. The sight was breathtaking and your walls squeezed him mercilessly and not a second later Ace was slamming your hips onto his cock, spraying his seed deep inside you.

You took your time to calm your breathing and remained seated on his still twitching cock. You looked down at him through half-lidded eyes, the pleasure clearly visible on both of your faces. He reached for your cheek and you leaned down to capture his lips in a kiss. It was so soft and sweet and full of love that no words were needed.

When you pulled back a little, he looked deep into your eyes. "You are so sweet my love, what do you want to try next?"

All content unless otherwise stated belongs to: ©Strawheart-pirate. Please do not copy / modify / translate / repost my writing, banners or art on other platforms. Comments, reblogs or likes are highly appreciated!

[moonsvillain]

hotwings au where hawks is a fallen angel who happens to crash-land in dabi's backyard on his way down.

hawks' wings are from his status as an angel rather than a separate quirk

i'd like to imagine that quirks aren't really a thing that they're up to date on, as well as being pretty behind in, like, everything else

imagine hawks going into this with an ariel-like disposition

anyway this kicks off with hawks crashing into dabi's backyard in the middle of the night

dabi, who's obviously awake, gets up to go investigate what the fuck that was (naturally assumes someone's here to kill him, as any normal, not-paranoid-at-all person would think)

hawks is very upset (landed on his wing wrong and maybe broke it, which, like, "OWWW...." this guy has never felt pain before and now he's human, which is cool conceptually but why do humans feel pain?? are they like this all the time?? who would do this to them??)

which leads to dabi finding hawk in a pile of limbs armed with a broken wing tangled in the clothes lines that he never bothered to take down after he finally saved up enough for a washer-dryer unit

at this point in time, dabi hasn't been scouted by the league yet, but he's not struggling to survive. he's found a small townhouse to reside in, one story, one bedroom, and a small backyard

(the backyard was an important detail to him—sometimes dabi needs to just. bask in the sun. feel warm when he can)

hawks sees dabi and assumes that he must be someone from hell, and it was some sort of cosmic fate that brought the two together

(hawks has always been the hero-type, even as an angel. he doesn't want to defeat people, rather, he wants to help them.

(hawks is just terribly naive, which impedes this goal of his by a lot)

dabi drags hawks inside once he's figured out that he isn't with the hero commission after threatening to burn the rest of his feathers off (which, the fire isn't helping hawks' case against him)

hawks can't really just say he's an angel, mostly because he gets the feeling that saying as much to someone like dabi would go very sideways

so he spins a story about being kicked out of his home and having nowhere to go and no family to take him in even if they wanted

which, it's not really stretching the truth at all. that is what happened. he just omitted a few details

dabi is stabbed by a violent wave of sympathy that he tries to suppress at first, until remembering that he'd have done anything to have support from someone like dabi is now back when he had been scared, alone, confused and hurt

and even though hawks is cheerful enough, dabi can see the mask he's wearing—he's hiding something. something that hurts

so dabi nods, accepts this answer, and offers hawks the couch for the night, which hawks gladly accepts (and ignores the way his eyes get wet)

the next day both wake up, remember the night before, realize it wasn't a dream and think, fuck

dabi's gotten himself saddled with a roommate—cuz even if he wanted to ignore him, it's too late now, he spent the whole night turning the situation over in his mind and kicking him out would make dabi's already fragile emotional stability skew out of control

and its finally settling into hawks' head that he's been kicked out and he doesn't know where he's going or if he'll ever get the chance to go back even if he wanted to and he's doomed to spend the rest of his life wandering the earth looking for acceptance that will never last

tldr both are having mild panic attacks

dabi finally tries to address the situation by like, asking what hawks plans on doing or if he knows anyone that could help him out

which gets dabi a look so pathetic he immediately regrets asking

("fuckkk he's so sad and lame. what am i supposed to do. it's like staring at a miserable puppy with a bag full of treats in your pocket and pretending you don't know they're there.")

dabi grits out an offer:

stay here and figure out a way to pay rent, and dabi will do his best to fix up hawks' wing so he can fly again but also so it doesn't cost a million dollars to pay for the treatment in the first place

(dabi's plans consist of roaming the underground to find a doctor that could help the both of them out and threatening them—dabi's been putting off finding one for himself after his skin grafts start looking nastier than they should and this is the push he needs to get to it)

hawks, oblivious to this, agrees pretty readily

dabi nods

a moment of silence. then:

"is your real name dabi, or—"

"i'm not hearing this from you, hawks."

[blush-blush-imagines]

Reference from Brooklyn 99, how would some of the boys react if we just said "If I run and leap at (Name), he will most certainly catch me in his arms" and then proceeded to run full force at them while they're carrying stuff. (You can just ignore this if you don't understand this or don't want to do this.)

I was given 'some' and immediately ignored my own rules and did 'all', that's fun.

Still, finally cracking down and writing all *checks notes* 2 requests I've gotten.

(Please feel free to send in requests, I'd love to have more to work with)

Nimh

Oh it is such a rough thing for poor Nimh.

Problem A), the call alone is a little jump scare to him, and now his heart is freaking out

Problem B), he’s now faced with the dilemma of either dropping everything, or letting you eat shit on the pavement. He’d like neither to happen, but he’s not dumb enough to think he could do both

He eventually commits to catching you, but that just leads to

Problem C), he is not very strong and he can barely hold you

Give him the courtesy of keeping a foot on the ground to balance out your weight, yeah?

Volks

You joke about it sometimes before you ever commit to the bit

And every single time you do he insists to you that he will make zero effort to catch you

But you know Volks very well at this point.

And you know, among other things, that he is a dirty fucking liar

So you can only imagine your personal childlike glee when you finally do it and he does, in fact, catch you without hesitation 

He insists it’s because if you fell and like, broke your elbow or something, that’d be terrible. Medical bills and all that.

For his sake, you’re ignoring that his face is growing redder by the second. 

Kelby

No hesitation 100% of the time

First of all, holding you is extremely easy for him, but also he just finds carrying you to be romantic as hell

Oh he’ll cringe if he happens to be dropping something heavy, like a weight, but he still goes for you, that’s his priority

Still, he likes looking for opportunities to show off, and carrying you around like it’s nothing is prime show off material.

He might even get in a couple squats. He knows they go appreciated.

Eli

It’s a coin flip with Eli

Though if there’s a chance you’d genuinely injure yourself he’ll probably catch you

But it’s fair game to just let you crash if it’s carpet or grass. Because he thinks it’s just a little funny. 

He also occasionally makes you pay the ‘catch tax’ 

It’s 5 dollars to at least partially make up for the drink that just died on the ground for your goofs.

Anon

Really, shame on you, you should know better.

He makes no attempt to catch you

In fact, he finds the way you end up crashing into the wall kinda funny. 

Like watching a cat really fuck up a jump.

Beyond the fact that he’s kind of a stickler with his physical contact to begin with, a lot of the things he carries around are very easily breakable

So yes it’s rude, but frankly he’s not about to shell out 1000 dollars for a new laptop because you thought you could make a goofy point- because you couldn’t.

Garret 

Garret doesn’t even miss a beat

He’s got you held up in one arm and whatever it was he was holding cradled in the other

While he thinks that it was certainly an odd thing to do, it was pretty cute.

Not hard to do. He thinks most things you do are cute.

Gives you a little kiss and gently sets you back down

Don’t get overconfident though. If he’s holding an animal, the animal gets priority. They’re more fragile.

He still feels really bad about it though. You think he might cry

Dmitri 

Dmitri also goes for the catch every time

It adds to his suave and romantic charm, obviously.

However, as the type to prioritize romance over basic logic on occasion, he’s also prone to forgetting that he’s often holding his drink of choice

No it’s fine that his foot just got doused in hot coffee, no he’s not getting a third degree burn

Appreciate the romance, he’ll go see someone about it later

Ichiban

Like Anon, Ichiban hesitates, because if he’s holding something, it’s likely expensive. 

However, unlike Anon, he makes the fatal mistake of still trying to catch you

And it worked maybe once. He’s still riding that high though.

He can handle it!

…But also this case of shenanigans that he has never told you to stop doing has cost more in equipment that either of you are ready to admit out loud.

You may or may not have pitched in to replace several cameras, controllers, and lavaliers 

William

He tries very very hard to get you to stop charging him before contact is made

It’s a flurry of paperwork, because he does catch you

Says it’s the least he could do as the doting boyfriend he is

Though he does awkwardly dismiss himself from in after a moment. 

While carrying you around is quite romantic, he won’t disagree with that, but also those papers were kind of important and he should get those together ASAP. 

People have pets in need, and they can’t get it without the information getting where it needs to be.

He promises to give you a good cuddle once it’s all sorted, however.

Myx 

There’s a very direct correlation between what exactly he’s holding and how okay he is with dropping it to scoop you

Electronics? Hard no, those are pricey to replace

Instruments are also frequent victims, and it depends on its fragility.

He tried to catch you with his leg once, except all he actually did was end up kicking you in the gut on the way down

He apologized about it for fifteen minutes straight. 

But if it’s something sturdy, he has no problem with chucking it straight down and scooping you up into a whole ass cuddle. 

Stirling

Oh please don’t do that outside 

He’s fine with it inside and at night. It’s very attractive, even. Smooth and charming as he sweeps you off your feet before you can even make the jump.

But in the middle of the day it’s very bad for both of you

He can’t hold his parasol and you at the same time, it’s not happening 

So get ready to either hit the deck or get caught on fire with him, depending on how much time he gets to think about it

Scale

He screams at first

There’s a loud clatter of knives, but he’s got you!

Scale insists very hard that he did not shriek like a little baby at you almost impaling yourself on his knives

Instead he scolds you over it

I mean come on, you spent an entire afternoon to keep his assassination deadline on you years away

What’s the good in wasting that, he could’ve done better things with his afternoon if you were gonna die a couple months later anyway

Sven

Puts no thought into whatever he’s holding, he just tries to hold you on top of it

It’s very uncomfortable every time, why do you keep doing that

It also doesn’t register to him that it’s his need to multitask it that results in you injuring yourself

He starts doing it to you to prove a point, and thinks he’s doing it better because he doesn’t get hurt

He has not realized it’s because you actually drop everything to catch him

But it’s still fun, and you kinda don’t want to ruin it for him.

Cole 

He doesn’t even flinch

It’s like he anticipated you’d do this exact thing

And unlike some of the other boys he doesn’t even think when he drops whatever he’s holding. 

Unless it’s something on the more… incriminating side. At that point he dodges you, dodges any questions, and quickly dismisses himself from the conversation entirely.

Sure it’s entirely possible there’s a shattered plate of hot food at his feet now, but that doesn’t matter because you’re here, being contently held in his arms

He uses it as an excuse to keep holding you

Poe

It what fucking world do you think he could hold you?

He drops his coffee and his school papers

Luckily they don’t damage each other, but w o w that was a close call

But beyond losing his morning caffeine and having to gather his work back up, you’ve hurt his wrists and also your entire body

No one has won here.

He also just. Literally can’t hold you. He’s a tiny frail goth boy, he crumbles if he’s holding anything heavier than 20 pounds. 

Once you’re back on your feet, he asks if you could at the very least help him gather up his papers. They’re worth like 20% of his grade. 

Cashew

Already a bit on the twitchy side, when he notices you speeding like a bullet train, he squeaks.

What exactly do you think you’re doing??? He’s been relocating his books all afternoon, you can see that he’s holding like, 8.

But, visibly cringing, they hit the floor, because he knows that he can’t hold them and you at the same time

One of them falls wide open, pages down. He tries not to think of the potential folded pages and boxed corners. 

Especially because of how pleased you look!

…But the second he can set you down he’s on the ground checking for damages.

Seth

Seth is the absolute king of the ‘casually carrying around hazardous objects’ club

But unlike everyone else in said club, he has no qualms about chucking whatever it is on the ground and scooping you up. 

This has resulted almost unanimously in making more hazards and chaos, but he hasn’t fussed about it once

He gets to give you a lil snuggle and it has the potential to cause crime. It’s a win-win for him!

You are an accessory to arson now though, so watch out, yeah?

Logan

Man goes into bullet time

It’s just a race to him to see if he can free an arm before you inevitably ‘plink’ off him and crash into the floor

Like. He does it, no real problems

But he immediately sets you down and scolds you for it

Because that was dangerous! What if he got hurt? What if you got hurt? What if he was holding something breakable, or bringing his fire axe somewhere?

All of those sound awful! 

Still, he ruffles your hair and plants a little kiss on the top of your head. He isn’t mad, he just wants to make sure you’re being safe.

[hellsite-proteins]

I LOVE THIS BLOG… would you be able to explain the stuff you’re doing to someone who knows nothing about proteins? all I can remember is something to do with dna ..?

of course! ill do my best to give an entry level crash course here, but if any of this is unclear please leave a comment or send an ask so i can better explain.

DISCLAIMER: all of this has been simplified, and because biology is messy, there are exceptions to pretty much everything i've said. the point is not to give a perfect explanation, but rather a general understanding

the central dogma of molecular biology is pretty much our version of "the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell", and since you've alluded to it already, i'll start there. it states that genetic information goes from DNA to RNA to proteins. inside of almost any cell is DNA, which codes for all of the genetic information allowing the cell to function. for our purposes right now, just think of DNA as an instruction manual. when a protein is going to be made, the part of the DNA sequence encoding it is copied over to make a RNA sequence.

RNA is structurally similar to DNA, but while DNA is usually found as a double helix (with two complementary strands), RNA is more often single stranded. it is less stable than DNA, so it does not work as well for long term information storage, but is smaller and can cary out numerous crucial functions.

prokaryotes are things like bacteria, and are distinct from eukaryotes (which includes us) because they lack a nucleus. this means that their DNA is loose inside their cell, rather than sectioned away. in prokaryotes, transcription (which copies information from DNA -> RNA) and translation (which is the process of going from RNA -> proteins) can happen at the same time, while in eukaryotes these processes are separated, as DNA is too large to leave the nucleus. messenger RNA (mRNA) is the specific type of RNA used to code for proteins in all cells. inside a eukaryotic cell, mRNA must be processed to increase its stability and allow it to exit the nucleus.

now, getting to the part about proteins! proteins are made through a process called translation, which translates the information stored using a sequence of nucleic acids on RNA to a string of amino acids known as a protein. each set of three nucleic acids, which on mRNA can be A, U, C or G, makes up the codon for one amino acid. the code is referred to as 'degenerate', since there is a lot of redundancy built in and so some information is lost along the way. there are more possible codons than there are amino acids, and so there is a lot of overlap with several codons coding for the same amino acid.

translation is accomplished using organelles known as ribosomes. these bind to the relevant RNA sequence and help join together the amino acids that are encoded by their sequence, forming peptide bonds. this is done using another specialized type of RNA called a transfer RNA (tRNA), which sticks temporarily to the three-letter codon on the mRNA and carries the corresponding amino acid to the ribosome so that it can be joined with the others in the sequence. all proteins start with the same codon (AUG), and subsequent amino acids are added one at a time. RNA and proteins both have directionality, which means that the two different ends of these molecules are not the same, and the direction you read the sequence in matters.

as a protein is assembled, the N terminal end is put together first, and so this part exits the ribosome while the rest is still being built. at this point, it comes in contact with the liquid inside the cell, and starts to bend itself into different shapes in order to make the most thermodynamically stable structure. this happens spontaneously, and is an effort to minimize the free energy of the protein and the surrounding water molecules. basically, everything wants to be in a state that requires as little energy as possible, and will fold itself to get there. think of this as a similar process to getting home after a long day, and trying to make yourself comfortable as fast as possible. protein folding is the equivalent to you taking off your jeans and lying down on your couch.

the thing is, proteins are complicated, and they need to fold quickly, because the inside of a cell is crowded and chaotic. the way they fold is influenced by several different factors, including how fast translation takes place and whether anything else is nearby to help them fold correctly. proteins do countless different highly specific things in any given cell, and their ability to function is based entirely around their structure. just like how you probably have numerous different tools in your home made of plastic, but each one is a different shape and therefore does something unique. if someone came along and melted your plastic cups until they were completely deformed, they wouldn't be of much use.

the primary structure of a protein is its amino acid sequence, and the secondary structure is made by interactions between nearby backbone atoms, but the tertiary structure is the main thing you'll see looking at any real protein structure. it is the combination of interactions between all the atoms within one amino acid chain. if this gets damaged (which can happen with things like heat and strong chemicals), the protein is said to be denatured. some proteins also have a quaternary structure, which is formed as different folded chains of amino acids each making up one subunit assemble together to make a bigger, more complicated protein.

whether they folded wrong from the start (like your plastic cup getting made with a hole in the bottom at the factory) or they started off fine but then got broken (like your plastic cup melting after you leave it on the hot stove), misfolded proteins are the wrong shape and therefore cannot perform their function correctly. these can do a lot of damage in an organism, and are generally a waste of resources to keep around, so they get destroyed and their parts are recycled.

hope this helps!

letter sequence in this ask matching protein-coding amino acids:

ILVETHISLGwldyealeteplainthestffyredingtsmenewhknwsnthingatprteinsallIcanrememerissmethingtdwithdna

protein guy analysis:

this protein is strange, terrible and filled with holes! just like many of the other structures, the myriad of loops want nothing to do with each other, and everything is all over the place. this whole structure is disordered and likely wiggling around trying to find something else to stick to and mess with. just a toxic trainwreck that should never have existed.

predicted protein structure:

[saiilorstars]

For Better Days | Ch.1: I Hate Camping

Fandom: MCU ○ Bucky Barnes x OFC

Story Summary: Chloe's forced to go camping with her brothers so Bucky decides to give her a few tips to survive...

Story Masterlist ○ Chloe's Masterlist○

Also available on Fanfic ○ Ao3 ○ Wattpad

Taglist: @ocappreciationtag​ @arrthurpendragon​ @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet​@averyhotchner @foxesandmagic @kmc1989 @caplanbuckybarnes​

[If you’d like to be a part of any OC’s works/edits, let me know!]

His head was always clouded. In fact, Bucky couldn't really remember a moment where his head wasn't fuzzy and at a loss for coherent thoughts. Even after escaping HYDRA and freeing himself of their brainwash, he only ever felt real clarity a handful of times. And there was always one common denominator across all the individual moments.

"If you stare any harder, she'll burst into flames." Sam was smirking from ear to ear when Bucky met his eye. "You know, with that cyborg stare of yours…it could happen."

"Shut up, Sam," Bucky muttered. And then to lessen Sam's point, he turned away from Chloe and Sam's sister Sarah. Unfortunately, Sam had followed him to the porch steps and sat down with him.

"It's really not that hard, you know. I would think that after everything you've been through, asking some girl out would be easy-peasy, you know." Sam's smirk had not diminished in any way.

"I don't need your tips, Sam," Bucky said quietly. As much as he fought, he wasn't able to resist the urge to gaze ahead of them again.

Chloe was talking to Sarah and seemed pretty chippy about whatever their conversation was about. Bucky wouldn't say it but he could stare at Chloe for hours.

In the next minute or so, Chloe and Sarah started heading towards the house.

"Anything you need from us, just let me know, alright?" Sarah had gone up the porch steps, narrowly missing Sam's attempt to poke her leg.

Chloe had stopped in front of the steps, slipping her hands in her back pockets. "I will. Thanks, Sarah."

"What are you two up to?" Sam asked suspiciously when his sister had gone inside the house.

"She was giving me camping tips," Chloe said, leaving both Sam and Bucky confused. She rolled her eyes, knowing exactly what they were thinking. "My stupid brothers want to go camping."

"And you stupidly said yes?" Bucky said with a much too innocent smile. She pointed a finger at him, warning him to watch his words. Bucky laughed lightly. "Sorry, I just don't exactly see you as the camping type."

"I'm not," Chloe agreed, flatly. "But since I've blown them off so many times now, there's no way out of it." She pulled her hands from her back pickets and crossed her arms. "Unfortunately, I think I'll be dead by the end of this camping trip. I know squat about camping, which they'll take full advantage of."

"That they will," Sam nodded. "We'll miss you."

"Be quiet, Sam," Chloe muttered.

"Yeah, be quiet Sam," Bucky said as he stood up from his spot. "Chlo, let me help you out. I can teach you a few things before you head out."

"Really?" Chloe raised an eyebrow at him. "Aren't you leaving too?"

"My flight was pushed back to tomorrow so I have all of today."

"Yeah, and he wants to take full advantage of it," Sam said with a wide smirk. Bucky looked over his shoulder in a rather murderous way.

Shut up.

Chloe was none the wiser of the brewing murder plot so she accepted Bucky's help. "Guess it wouldn't hurt but if you make fun of me, I'll shoot you."

Bucky smiled at her fondly. There was no way she could make the shot but he'd still let her take it.

With a few things from the Wilsons' shed, the camping 101 crash course started. Chloe reiterated how the whole damn thing was beyond stupid. Who needed camping anyways?

Bucky found it amusing the way she didn't run out of things to hate on in regards to camping. "Dollface, you were an Avenger — a fugitive at some point — and camping is what seems like a challenge?"

"Don't laugh, Bucky Barnes!" Chloe pointed a finger at him the moment his lips twitched. Said finger started glowing blue, giving Bucky a good idea of what was to come if she decided that he was laughing at her.

"Alright, alright, come here," he motioned her to follow him. "If you're going to do traditional camping, then you're gonna have to learn how to set up a tent."

"I hate tents," went Chloe flatly.

Bucky's back was still to her so hiding his smile, almost laugh, was easy that time. "Yes, but you're gonna want a tent if you plan to sleep. Unless you're doing sleep bags outside."

"There's no fucking way I'm doing that!" Chloe said, appalled. "I'll actually murder my brothers then."

"Then let's practice setting up a tent." Bucky had done them the favor of taking out the tent pieces from the shed and left them on the ground. "It's a good thing the Wilsons love their camping too."

"Mhm…" Chloe eyed the pieces with disdain. "So where do I start or whatever?"

"Well, first you would want to make sure the area you pick to put your tent in is flat, alright?" Bucky looked back at Chloe, dead serious now. She nodded with him.

"Flat ground, got it. What's next?"

"A tarp on the ground before you set anything up." Bucky pointed at the folded tarp next to her.

"Why?" She reached over to pick it up.

"Keeps moisture out."

Chloe's nose crinkled with disgust. "Moisture? Eugh, what did I get talked into doing!" She groaned and slapped the tarp against her face.

Bucky chuckled then, and to his surprise Chloe didn't try to shoot him. He gently took the tarp off her face and assured her that it wasn't that bad.

After putting the tarp down on the ground, Bucky showed Chloe the tent poles they had to put up. Chloe felt her head spin when he started showing her the corresponding flaps in the tent. She had to slid the poles into the right ones or the whole thing would be messed up.

Bucky showed her how to do the first one then let her do the second one. She nearly ripped the fabric from frustration.

"Eugh, I hate this!" She was shoving the tent pole through the flap but it kept getting stuck so she had to pull it out and try all over again.

Bucky came around beside her and stopped her altogether with a hand over her wrists. "Let me show you again," he said, absolutely calm and patient.

Chloe let go of everything and watched him redo what she'd been trying and got it done so easily. "You're good at this stuff," she said with a faint smile on her face. "And you're a good teacher."

Bucky pretended to be solely focused on what his hands were working with because the alternative was looking at Chloe and therefore revealing the stark red blush on his face. "It just comes with experience," he said after clearing his throat. "The days of a soldier — the good one."

Chloe didn't miss the way he was quick to clarify what side of himself he spoke about — the urgency, really, like she would automatically assume that every part of his past was the Winter Soldier. She often hoped that one day he wouldn't feel compelled to always have to clarify his "good" and "bad" parts of life.

Eventually, the tent was built and although Chloe knew that she could've helped more, Bucky assured her that she had done it in the end. A pure lie since he was the one who set it up but there was no winning against that guy.

"Now taking it apart—"

"Will be my brothers' jobs," Chloe said decisively. Feeling Bucky's side-glance, she met it with a smirk. "I'm the little sister. They gotta do something for me, right?"

With that face, anyone would do everything for you. Bucky's face warmed at his thoughts. He quickly moved onto a different skill. Campfire set-up.

For that, they ventured a little further from the Wilsons' residence. On their walk, Bucky explained to Chloe what she needed to look out for.

"You're gonna want to find dead, dry wood. Nothing bendy and definitely nothing moist which means fresh wood us out too, got it?"

"Got it," Chloe affirmed and helped him find the right pieces of wood.

They started making a small pile of woods with the intention of lighting it when they were done. Bucky went into deep details about how to set the wood properly and how to light it.

"I hear you, I do," Chloe started, bringing her hands up from her sides, "But I could also just do this." She shot a ray of a psionic blast at the logs and started the fire.

Bucky deadpanned her grinning face (which was kind of cute). "That's not proper camping," he pointed at her.

"But I got the fire going," Chloe retorted. "Isn't that what we wanted?"

"You're cheating!"

"But is it actually cheating or is it me working smarter not harder?"

"Chlo, c'mon…" But Bucky was chuckling, which made Chloe start to do the same…which just meant the seriousness of the situation was gone and that she was ultimately right.

After properly learning how to put out the fire — without the use of powers — the two started heading back to Sam's place. Bucky still had some tips to hand out, like what she should bring, the things she shouldn't bring, what she should wear…

"I'm only going for a few days," she reminded him. "Any more than that and I'd personally hang my brothers."

Bucky chuckled at her. "So how'd you even get roped into this? You don't strike me as the camping type." She wasn't at all.

"It was my brothers' idea. Bonding or whatever," Chloe shook her head. "As if we couldn't do that at a restaurant or something. Even like a proper cabin and stuff. Ever been to Big Bear in California?"

Bucky gave a shake of his head. "Not really."

"That's my kind of camping, not sleeping-inside-a-tent shit." Chloe continued to complain all the way back to the Wilsons'.

She plopped down on the porch steps and motioned Bucky to do the same with her. He of course had no protests against the idea.

"I would much rather help you and Sam out on your missions. Aren't you guys headed to, like, Quebec?"

"I think so, yeah," Bucky said then laughed at Chloe's put-out reaction. "No need to get all grumpy, doll. It's not like we're going out there to have fun. You're the one who gets to go and relax, so have fun."

"You and I have very different ideas of what having fun is," Chloe said dead seriously, leading Bucky to laugh again.

"If your definition of having fun is going on a mission in the middle of nowhere, then I fear we do…"

Chloe shot him a look but in a few seconds it dissolved and she was smiling at him…which then made him do the same. Her smiles were always infectious.

"I would still rather be with you — and Sam!" Chloe's face flushed immediately as she heard her own mistake. "With you and Sam on your mission, I meant…" She cleared her throat and looked straight ahead. What she would give for the ground to open up and swallow her whole right now…

Luckily, Bucky didn't seem to notice her 'grave mistake'. He reiterated that a nice camping trip was still the better choice. Chloe agreed to disagree and before she could make a fool of herself again, her phone rang in her pocket.

"I'll leave you to that," Bucky said and stood up from the steps. "Hungry?"

Chloe nodded at him. "A bit."

"I'll see what they have going on in the kitchen. Don't be long — it's getting cold out here."

Chloe chuckled. Bucky didn't feel cold the same way she and the others did, what with the serum and all. Still, he was always attentive to the weather for their sake — for her sake. She was no stranger to his sweaters and jackets when they happened to be outside in a chilly moment. She loved his attentiveness, making her feel quite the special girl…not that she would ever say it out loud.

"Hello?" Chloe answered the phone before her thoughts got away from her too much.

"Hey! I was just about to hang up. You took forever to answer!" Seren Soul was on the other line and much like always, she was very cheery.

"Sorry, I was, uh, getting some camping 101…" Chloe looked back at the house and saw the front door was shut. Bucky was long gone.

"Ah, so you couldn't get out of it then? You'll be camping with your brothers?"

"Horrific, I know," Chloe said with a sigh. "And me, the worst camper in history. I'm sure they'll be ganging up on me. It's what brothers do, especially older ones."

"Times like these, I'm glad to be an only child!"

Chloe smiled dryly. "You want one? I have two so I can definitely spare one."

Seren laughed. "No, no, I'm good. I like my life just the way it is."

"Mm, I bet you do," Chloe smiled. She could hear the faint hollering of kids in the background. "Sounds like you have a show going on over there…"

Seren hummed. "Oh, you know. With a five year old and a toddler in the house, Steve and I barely get a moment of peace. What you're hearing right now is a rendition of Frozen. For the third time today."

It was Chloe's turn to laugh. "Record and send please. You know I love my God-children."

"Will do! So I was just calling to see if you still need me to pick you up at the airport?"

"Yes, if you still can of course. I need to get packing asap. Sort of left it for the last minute."

"Of course you did. What about Bucky? Steve said he had a mission in Quebec or something? Is he not coming back to New York first?'

"He's flying out tomorrow instead. Apparently, his flight got delayed. But the mission's still on. Wish I could join them instead of this camping stuff."

"Right, and it totally has nothing to do with the fact you'd be spending the whole week with Bucky instead of your brothers, right?"

Chloe could hear the smirk on Seren's face. "You don't know what I'd rather do than camping. Don't underestimate my hatred for camping, Seren."

"Oh, I don't, but I also know you'd rather be with Bucky 24/7."

"I'm gonna hang up now."

"Oh c'mon! All I have at home right now is Let It Go and a stupid snowman going 'I've been impaled' on repeat. Give me something, Chloe!"

Chloe rolled her eyes. "There's nothing to give, Seren. We've been over this many times."

"Yes, so I don't understand what keeps getting lost in the conversations. It's quite simple, really. You like Bucky. Bucky likes you. See? Simple."

Chloe snorted. "I know you of all people are not telling me about having feelings for someone when you literally spent how long denying your feelings for your current husband?"

"Well take it as someone with experience, then," said Seren. "You should tell him. I mean, you guys are at this secluded place, right?"

"You mean Sam's family home? Where Sam and his sister and his nephews live? You see the problem, right?"

"Yes, okay, but truthfully there's not gonna be a right moment and I feel like you're just prolonging this. Bucky too. It's so obvious that it's painful to watch."

"Goodbye, Seren." Chloe was prepared to end the call right there when Seren shouted at her to wait.

"I bug you with the best intentions," she said as a weak apology. "I'm your best friend. I'm just trying to help you out. Sorry."

"I know you are," sighed Chloe. Seren would never do anything malicious. Chloe wasn't even sure Seren could do something of the sort. "But it's a lost cause."

"Mm, I wouldn't be so sure, Chloe. But I'm gonna have to put a pause on the conversation. One of my kids is making eyes at my bookshelf…"

Chloe chuckled. "Good luck with that."

"Ditto! Gotta go!" Seren hung up shortly after, leaving Chloe to dwell on the conversation and her thoughts.

Eventually, Chloe gathered herself up and went back inside to have her last dinner with the Wilsons and Bucky. She struggled to take her mind off Seren's words whenever she glanced at Bucky. He was damn cute when he interacted with Sam's nephews. He was clueless around them but that was the charming part. She liked watching him trying to be him — carefree and simply trying to live. He deserved the opportunity and much more. Which was why she often re-decided to keep her feelings to herself. She didn't want to add any kind of stress to his life and his new journey to build himself up again. What she wanted most was to see him happy and if she had to do it as his friend, then so be it. It was a small price to pay for his happiness.

~ 0 ~

The following week, Bucky counted each day that passed by like his life depended on it. Never had time gone by so slowly. Despite the fact he spent half the week in Quebec on a mission, time still managed to pass by so damn slow. He knew why, he just didn't admit to it out loud…not that it stopped Sam from teasing him about it. The fact that Chloe was camping and completely away from technology wasn't supposed to hit him that badly. It was like a dry spell.

Time was when he lived in Wakanda, he had to go days — weeks even — without contact from Chloe (and the rest of their friends). Now he was so used to having Chloe at a simple call away that it seemed outrageous to have gone almost a week without hearing from her.

On the day that she was supposed to be back in the city, he got a message from Steve in the evening. He was supposed to go to some bar down in Manhattan. Bucky didn't think twice. For once, it looked like Steve was playing the wingman.

When Bucky stepped inside the bar, his eyes immediately scoured the area for his — Chloe. He scoured the area for Chloe. It didn't take long for him to spot the gorgeous blonde sitting at the bar counter with their friends Seren and Steve. She looked so happy, not to mention crazy beautiful. She was wearing a dark dress hugging her body so nicely…

His feet walked before he even thought about it. It was Steve's voice that broke him out of his trance — he was greeting.

"You and Sam didn't kill each other!" He clapped Bucky on the shoulder.

"Don't sound so sad about it," Bucky mumbled. His eyes barely left Chloe when he greeted Steve and Seren. "How was the camping?" He asked Chloe, who immediately snorted.

"Peachy," she said, raising her glass up at him. "I should have gone to Quebec with you."

Bucky half smiled at her. "That bad, eh?"

"Get a drink, it'll be a long night by the time I've finished telling you everything my dumbass brothers did to me."

Bucky's smile spread. He would've laughed had Chloe not been so serious. That, however, didn't stop Seren and Steve from laughing.

"Shut it you two," Bucky warned the couple.

"I think we're no longer needed here, honey," Seren whispered to Steve. He agreed with a hum and took out a few bills to cover their bill.

"We'll be seeing you two," Steve said, slipping out of his stool. He took his wife's hand and walked away.

Neither Chloe nor Bucky seemed to mind — they barely noticed them leave.

"So," Bucky sat next to Chloe, "how bad was it, really?"

Chloe had a tight smile on her face when she answered. She hated camping before, but now she detested it. Camping was useless to her. Pointless.

Bucky let her go on until she literally ran out of things to say. He thought the whole thing was funny. Chloe was a bit of a drama queen — he loved that about her and he would never change that — so he knew the camping couldn't have been that bad. Sure, her brothers may have messed with her but not to the extent that she swore up and down by.

After a few more drinks, Bucky decided it was time to cut her off. She didn't seem drunk but it was better to quit while they were ahead. She didn't mind, especially when he asked if he could walk her home.

Screw the drinks, Chloe immediately thought and was getting up from her stool before Bucky even offered to pay for their drinks.

They were soon on the street heading for Chloe's apartment. Bucky shrugged off his jacket and draped it over Chloe's shoulders, earning a soft smile from her in return.

"Thank you," she said and held the jacket closer around her.

"So how bad was the camping trip really?" he asked her.

"Bad," Chloe groaned, making him laugh. "I'm being serious. I got a ton of bug bites! I'm pretty sure I touched something I was allergic to because I got a wicked rash on my foot!"

Bucky laughed again. "What, were you walking barefoot or something?"

"Ha, ha," Chloe mimicked his laugh before shooting him a sharp glance. "I'll have you know that I saw a spider and I bolted."

"So you were walking barefoot?"

"Running, if we're being technical."

"You're lucky all you got was a rash, then. You never walk barefoot in the woods!"

"Don't you think I know that!? I got scared!"

"Of a spider?" Bucky teased her. "You have been through hell with missions and you are still afraid of spiders?"

Chloe couldn't take his laughter. She pulled his jacket off her shoulders and used it to smack him with it in the middle of the street. Bucky's laughter actually got louder instead.

"Alright, alright, I surrender!" He said with his hands covering his head. Chloe was smug at her victory and stopped hitting him. "So much for all the Winter Soldier training…" He mumbled under his breath and gazed at Chloe fondly. She was still semi-glaring at him but a little smile was trying to overshadow it. He reached over and took his jacket from her and placed it over her shoulders again. "Okay, I'm done now. I promise."

Chloe still did her best to keep glaring at him. "I could shoot you right now…"

"And I could take it…right now," he copied her with a smug smile. She rolled her eyes. He chuckled. "I'm done." He tugged his jacket closer around her, and in the process her body to his. "You know I'd let you win any day."

"This doesn't sound like you're 'done' to me…"

"I had one more, sorry."

"You're still taking me home?"

"You know it." Bucky let her go and instead took her hand in his. He didn't often touch her and when he did, he always tried to do it with his flesh hand. Especially these days and nights when it was colder, he didn't want to add on to the coolness. Chloe never said a thing, though. She loved any of his touches, no matter how minimal they were (and they usually were).

They walked the rest of the way without bickering and hitting. Chloe finished telling Bucky about the rest of her camping experience and declared that she would never, ever, go back to such a horrid thing.

"Think I've never heard someone hate camping so much," Bucky said with a chuckle.

Chloe reached her apartment door first and searched for her keys in her purse. "There are just so many other great things to do, Bucky. Why would I ever want to go back to the dirt and sleep on the ground?"

Bucky rolled his eyes and watched her unlock the door. "I guess I'll leave you to it, then…"

"What?" Chloe looked at him quickly. "I thought…I mean — do you want to come in? You haven't told me about your mission in Quebec."

"I haven't…" Bucky agreed. He would take any excuse to spend more time with her. He let Chloe tug him inside the apartment like he didn't have super strength. He'd let her lead him any time and anywhere.

Chloe took his jacket off and handed it back to him. "Oh, you know what? I have something of yours here too. Give me a sec!" She hurried off into the hallway, disappearing for all of two minutes before coming back with another familiar jacket in her arms — a few of them. "Think I've been making you a spot in my closet or something."

Bucky hadn't even realized she'd been accumulating his things but he remembered each and every one of his jackets draped over her shoulders. Every time they were out somewhere and he thought it was chilly, he would give her whatever he was wearing to cover herself up.

"Anyways, thanks for letting me borrow them," Chloe put the jackets on the table for the moment. "Don't worry. They've all been washed."

"Doll, you did not have to do that," Bucky said, making her chuckle. He wouldn't mind having some of his things smelling like her.

"I know, but what kind of friend would I be if I returned everything all dirty?"

He watched her set his pile of clothes on the table for him. His heart was yearning for her. "Well, why don't I thank you for the gesture? Maybe some dinner tomorrow somewhere nice?"

Chloe heard the question and for a second wondered if she was jumping to conclusions because it very well sounded like a…

"Like a…a date?" She had tried saying it boldly but her voice had shaken in the end. She tucked some hair behind her ear and looked at him nervously.

Bucky gave a firm nod of his head. "A date." Why not? He already made a fool of himself plenty of times before, so what was one more time if it meant he could go out on a date with the prettiest girl in the world?

"Okay," Chloe nodded, smiling with an even darker blush on her face. "Yeah, I'd love that. Um, yeah!" She bounced excitedly and threw her arms around Bucky, laughing with him.

He loved hearing her so happy and he wanted to keep being the reason for it. He passed his flesh hand on her cheek, taking the moment to gaze at her. "You're real pretty, doll."

Chloe smiled from ear to ear. Even though her nerves were making her heart race intensely, she couldn't be any happier. "And you're very handsome…" She retorted, reaching for his other arm — the metal one — and brought it around her waist. Her sharp look was that of a challenge in the face of Bucky's hesitance. "I like you all," she said bravely and after a few more seconds of boldness, she added: "And I love you all."

Bucky blinked a few times at her. His lips parted several times but each time he was unable to say a word. How could she be more brave than him?

His metal hand gripped her waist and sighed. "I love you but you are way more than I deserve."

"No," Chloe said, still smiling, "We are exactly what we deserve." She leaned forward, touching noses. "Now I know you're all about being proper but what's it going to take to get a little kiss from you before the date?"

Bucky chuckled lightly. "Not much if I'm being honest."

"Ooh, I like that answer…"

"Yeah?"

Chloe chuckled with him. "Yeah!"

"Already off to a good start then…" Bucky mumbled and pressed his lips against hers. He could hear Chloe's giggle against his own lips and by God, it felt even better reverberating against his skin.

[terrapin-might]

Leo really said "is anybody gonna else gonna have a crush on a guy, learn everything they can about street racing and become this guy's rival?" And didn't even try and wait for an answer.

When being some guy's #1 fan isn't enough so you have to become his rival. Many such cases.

But seriously, I've thought more about this and now I know how I want this au to go down. (Strap in, I won first place in the yap-olympics)

It mostly consists of one sided rivals to lovers (my favorite) and happens a bit before the S2 finale and the year between that and the movie. And if wasn't obvious from my other post, it involves street racing (something I know nothing about why'd I choose street racing ugh—)

Pictures are kinda in order too.

Leo sees Usagi race, gets a crush, gets interested in street racing. Has to see every race he competes in from now on.(Top right)

Talks about it to anyone who listens, weirdly only focuses on Usagi hmm, Mikey draws the mystery man. (Don't tell Raph, but the next time Leo called dibs on the last pizza he gave to Mikey so he could have the drawings) (Top left)

Either buys or makes his own merch but I don't think Usagi's the type to make merch or anything like that (doesn't know how, probably wouldn't get the point) tbh so we're going with made. I think April helped. (Bottom left)

And I said they meet because of Usagi saving Leo from some baddies on my last post, that still happens here, it's the first time they meet face to face (or face to Helmut) probably some of Big Mama goons Leo couldn't really fight off because weapons aren't allowed at the races so he and Usagi get to have a romantic bike chase where they try not to crash and die.

Leo deciding if you can't be their boyfriend beat them, be their rival. He trains until he can race Usagi himself. Who is actually happy to have a rival, the weirdo lol. (Bottom right)

I haven't named this AU, so I'll be taking suggestions if you have any (pls give me ideas I don't have any)

After the read more is just an update(?) about my art and posts for people who follow me.

For some reason I've seem to become allergic to digital art, so other than some comics I already planned on posting, this might be my last digital art post for a while. I can draw on paper no problem, I guess drawing on my phone has gotten tiring and my brain hates it for now. We're going traditional baby!

Which is fine because my traditional art is better imo, digital is just easier to color and I'm bad at taking pictures. Like really bad. But I still wanna post art so it'll have to do.

Luckily I was able to finish this but this will be the only nonconic digital art for a while. Had to switch it up though cause I was really struggling the first 30 mins so it's more colorful than my usual art.

Alright that's all bye!

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC REVIEW: This Will Be Fun by E.B. Asher

4.25/5. Releases 9/10/24.

vibes: Shrek (but with some angst and lots of romance), Dungeons & Dragons, second chances all around, "we were doing so good and then reality happened'

Heat level: 5/10

The basics:

The heroic Four--Galwell the Great, his sister Elowen, their childhood friend Beatrice, and mercenary-turned-friend Clare Grandhart--are on the brink of saving the kingdom. And then they do... at the cost of Galwell's life. Ten years later, Elowen, Beatrice, and Clare haven't spoken since the funeral. But now, they're all obligated to attend the queen's wedding. Clare and Beatrice, whose tension-filled bickering turned to loathing after Galwell died, are begrudgingly on the same path. And Elowen is roped into going when the queen hires Vandra, an assassin she had a thing with on the last quest, into bringing her to the wedding. When all four crash into each other--compelled to save the day one more time--they have to deal with allllll the unresolved feelings. Romance! Adventure! Friendship! Pet eagles! YES.

The review:

Dude! This was so fun!

I was a little skeptical about whether or not this would actually be a romance. Short answer: yes it is, and you get two for the price of one. Two second chance romances for the price of one at that, which is always great for someone like me.

I didn't shelve this as a book with a secondary romance because for all intents and purposes, Clare and Beatrice's romance and Vandra and Elowen's romance really get almost equal time. They both have issues, they both have heat, they both have grand love confessions. The only thing that makes Clare and Beatrice a little more prominent is that there are three POVs in this book--Clare, Beatrice, and Elowen. Vandra doesn't have a POV, and while I get that she wasn't a part of the original Four... I would've liked it! She's on the page as much as the other three, and I loved her and her relationship with Elowen.

That quick critique aside: point is, as a romance reader you get a lot of different things, and it's great. You get Vandra cheerfully offering to consensually kidnap the introverted, awkward Elowen, and Elowen being unable to resist because like... Yeah dude. Vandra is just hot like that. You get Clare and Beatrice's unresolved "one night stand turned questmates falling in love turned people who aren't over each other but haven't been able to deal with their feelings ever since the big bad thing happened". Unresolved horniness! Intense feeling! It's all the type of shit a romance reader will gobble up.

However, the world is also a really great part of everything. It's very much fantasy by way of Shrek. Some of our characters speak to "heart healers", who can help them analyze their feelings. One watches "shadow plays", and boy is she into fandom. A heroine who once helped saved the world is kind of a messy bitch fresh off a divorce nowadays.

It's all very tongue in cheek and snarky, but in a very WHOLE FEELINGS way. You can tell these authors fully love this kind of setting, things like The Princess Bride and Dungeons & Dragons. Fondness and emotion is a huge part of the story. So yeah, while there are antics, you never lost that sense of like... cuddly softness. I mean, Clare literally has extended inner monologues about how much he loves his pet eagle. It's the cutest thing.

Often, cuteness is used to dodge a need for plot and character development in recently published romance novels. Here, that's not the case at all. You can tell that a lot of love was put into differentiating these characters, sending up archetypes while also subverting them. These aren't perfect people. They fuck up sometimes. It's actually quite refreshing to me that Beatrice and Elowen in particular are kind of... poorly adjusted ladies in their early thirties who need to work on their shit. Appreciate that representation. But beyond that, survivor's guilt and PTSD somehow fit so nicely into what is ultimately a really funny and really sweet fantasy romance novel? My God, we really can have it all.

I feel like there was a great balance between like... quest plot, relationship plot (both romantic and platonic, no bond is neglected) and funny little sidebars and quotes that had me bookmarking pages for later. Balancing between saving the world, kissing, and a character saving the day by autographing swords kind of creates a great palate-cleansing blend.

The Sex:

You only get two sex scenes in this book, one for each couple, and while they're explicit they're still a light touch in that sense. However, I found both of them sexy, and there's a ton of chemistry and tension in both romances. You get "questmates with benefits" on one side, and "man doggedly pursuing woman who pretends she doesn't give a shit" on the other. We all win.

I loved settling into this world for a romp. You get a strong voice here, great characters, romcom antics, and yeah, a lot of heart. I'd love to read another book in the same world--and hell, I'd love to see a miniseries made out of this one. It's just a really good time without being stakes-less, and that's not always easy to find. Go on the quest, I'd say.

Thanks to NetGalley and Avon for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[oleander-nin]

technically still on vacation but I’m stuck in the house for a bit until the storm totally passes. Don’t have much to do though since my consoles and puter are still back at my place. It’s honestly kinda funny, I’ve gotten four flash flood alerts on my phone within the past 24 hours. I am super glad you like both songs though sorry about the spotify thing I kinda overlooked that. I’m also happy you like being talked to because I sure do like to talk.

Anyway I said the next ask will be actually good and even if this is close behind I’ve got krang observations/facts!!

starting with the stuff I managed to gather off twitter

“What happened to the foot soldiers after they had been krangified in the movie, were they taken into custody or killed?

I think they just become Krang soldiers/slaves.”

Raph was real lucky he had his brothers, it sounds like the krang zombie thing is next to totally permanent

“I've mentioned this in a few other answers, but we would have learned the backstory that a Krang ship crashed into the back of the crying Titan and its fuel was the source of the ooze that energizes the yokai.”

This is really neat to me, since it does sorta explain why the krang were able to snatch their mystic powers at the start, at least to me. Plus just them being the origins of at least why yokai are as strong as they are is really cool.

Ok movie stuff yay, typing this as I watch so I definitely didn’t get everything and some of these may just be a tad obvious

Kinda stretching it to start, but the way you can hear genuine fear in Casey jr’s voice and general like mannerisms(?) at the krang starting to get summoned again does such a good job at showing how scary they are before we really see much of them(I know we kinda do but sh)

^ Adding on their intro is so cool?? Like the way I actually freaked when two(?) said it had been ages since she killed anything right after the insane beatdown from krang one, the fact they actually got one of the mcs is also just awesome like.

Moving past the fanboying(hopefully) and going back to the crying titan thing krang one points on that Raph isnt human so it is likely that the krang did cause yokai as a whole to show.

I had something here about the krang zombies but I realized it was wrong so pretend I said something else cool

Everything in the subway was horrifying

not a krang observation but I’m saying it anyway, April goes through it in this movie, obviously everyone does. But girl is human and early on she just gets tossed off her motorcycle and totally ignores any potential injuries

The way krangs two reacts to April melting a good chunk of her face makes me feel like the krang had never actually been injured

I said this in the headcanon yapping thing but now that I’m actually rewatching it, I’m pretty sure I was at least sorta right, the krang parasites goal was to get Leo to kill Raph. Krang one is obviously confident enough that he could kill Leo on his own, and it does generally align with how messed up they are. Right before Leo puts his swords away he does almost slash at Raph who just doesn’t move at all until he takes a step back because almost killed his brother. Probably not canon but it’s more emotionally destroying and therefore cool.

probably obvious but I’m saying it anyway, the reason Leo’s sacrifice came as such a shock was because of the lack of capability to form any sort of connections, the inability to even fathom why someone would act for anyone other then themself is what lead to their downfall

theres honestly not much for me to say here, this movie is awesome but I’m trying not to go “krang armor is sick :0” Because yes it is, but like we all know that. I can talk a *lot* about the turtles and probably April n Casey jr but I said krang and thats probably smarter because I’m stuck on my phone at the moment and typings just a bit more annoying.

-🍰

ooooooooooooo I like these. Very interesting observations/headcanons.

"The way krangs two reacts to April melting a good chunk of her face makes me feel like the krang had never actually been injured" - That's a good point. i dunno what to say to this, but my brain has latched onto it.

There's not much I can add onto any of these(haven't seen the movie in a hot minute tbh), but goodness I love them. Trade brains with me pls

[chunkymamatam]

Hii Reena here ^^

Thanks again for the reply! I would certainly love to know how to behave in a more masculine way, I think that would certainly help me in my mission! In the case that I do get found out though, I want to know, on your more feminine days, do some people get creepy or weird? I think that's my biggest fear when going to an all boys school :')

Besides that, I came up with more questions! Wanted to ask how the Octavinelle and Scarabia Arc went since you said you already completed them

I assume that most of it was the same, but wanted to know how exactly it went and how the differences were.

My personal favourite Character is Azul, but Jade, Jamil and Kalim are close seconds, so I wanted to know how those Arcs went since they are my favourites :)

Obviously more happened than what was shown in the game, so I would appreciate it if you could tell us a little something about what went on behind the scenes!

Also, a few more specific questions (assuming that the story was similar to the ingame one...): When Ace, Deuce and Grim made a deal with Azul and Jade and Floyd came up to the group, did the interaction go similar to the ingame one? Does Floyd also call you Shrimpy?

Did you immediately agree to help the boys? I mean...it was their own fault lol...

How is Jack? My favourite Savanaclaw student <3

How was working at the lounge like?

Oh and something I've always wondered is how the water-breathing potion tastes like. Is it really that gross? I feel like Azul made it taste bad out of spite.

That brings me to the next point, how is breathing under water like? And what do Jade's and Floyd's real forms look like?

Did Leona also help with the plan? Was it hard to convince him?

What did Azul look like as a kid? I can imagine him being adorable! Also, did he cry? I found it super adorable in the game, but I assume in person it would be much more of a hassle lol.

I saw a few comics about your experiences with Scarabia and I loved them.

How is Jamil? I feel like he would be much more antisocial than ingame...he gives me those vibes.

Special shoutout to Kalim, the ray of sunshine we all love.

Did you escape Scarabia like in the game? What is it like to fly on a carpet lol? And also, did you crash into Octavinelle? I feel like there was some compensation behind the scenes...did he make you work for him?

Okay okay I've noticed that there are a lot of questions so I'll stop here for now. Additionally, if it's too much feel free to skip some or split it up over more posts if that help :)

Thanks in advance! Have a nice day <3

-Reena

Hi again! Sorry it took a little longer than normal. It’s a lot to type and the heat exhaustion hit me like

These tips are gonna be general things that I've observed and heard from trans men, vocal coaches and body language specialists respectively. I'm not an expert and its probably gonna take a bit of practice.

also everything I say as to explain why to do these things isn't to bash men, its all neutral. Men and Women were just raised with different expections and social norms whether people want to admit that or not lol The social context behind the behavior is also important imo

don't be afraid to take up space. Man spreading, wide stances, etc. They were raised and taught the social norm and expectation that they're allowed to take up space with no shame so this is how you're gonna have to naviigate the world too if you wanna pull it off.

Bigger and less words. Men tend to talk less and explain things in bigger words while women tend to explain things in more words (even if we have the vocabulary to shorten it). This is due to the fact they're raised with a "I'm gonna talk how I feel and if you don't understand the language I'm using well then too bad ig" type mentality

They walk like they have something between their legs (cuz they do most of the time lmfao)

Confidence is key honestly. and if they question it gaslight tf out of them

Honestly its mostly just practice. There's more to it vocally but I haven't managed to do that yet so idk how to explain it too well. Its more than deepening your voice tho cuz men do have higher voices sometimes. They speak wider idk how else to explain. It has to do with the way they hold their jaw and move their tongues (Yes they can both affect the way you speak majorly)

Now as for my experience with Octavinelle and Scarabia... Do I hold everything that happened against them? No not at all. Am I still going to heavily fucking bitch about that shit? Absolutely. Lets start with Octavinelle

In my DR is an actual college EVERYONE is 18 and up

Octavinelle

First of we had our first set of finals and the tweels were campaigning Azul's contracts which I expected. What I hadn't expected was for them to start low key stalking me. They approached me one time because I had a bad grade on the pop quiz we had in class that day. Man they’re toweringly tall. They’re not that scary tho. Like intimidating and suspicious sure but like that’s cuz they’re being plotting bastard men lmfao they were like

“I see you’re struggling a bit~”

“We can help you with that~”

“All you need to do is come to our lounge and speak with Azul, he has something that can help”

And I was like “uhm.. no I’m good. I don’t need help and besides. I’ve heard about those deals and I want no part in it.”

And then for the next week up until finals they would watch me. Bro it was so scary just seeing a flash of blue and teeth. I turn around and they’re going around the corner. It definitely wasn’t a coincidence either cuz this wouldn’t just be when I’m going to class. Grim would point them out and start sweating. It was wild 😭

When the time finally comes and the hoard of mfs with anemones start crowding into octavinelle I wanted to mind my business. I checked out what was going on with Jack and then go home and not think about it for a week. Those 3 must do their time. I literally only felt bad for Deuce. I couldn't have it my way tho because of course I couldn't. Crowely comes in and is like,

"Fix this for me. I assume you like the amenities I'm providing.. Housing.. Food.."

So I didn't really have a choice unfortunately. I slept on it and that morning at breakfast the tweels came over and started asking how I was feeling cuz I "Looked extra stressed" and "extra done" with "the anemones." Nah cuz this information is relatively inconsequential cuz Azul was gonna find out anyway so I was like.

"Yeah I have a bitch of a commission from the headmage. So I'll be paying you a visit later at the lounge."

Bruh Floyd was kinda excited in his sly type of way "A visit from shrimpy? That'll be fun"

That was the end of that and I made my way to The Mostro Lounge after classes, ask about talking to Azul and start working a shift while we wait. It was really funny cuz when I'm serving I switch to a customer service voice that sounds significantly different than my normal voice. It almost sounds like Barbie. The way the Tweels, Jack, Ace, Deuce and Grim stopped and stared for a solid 10 seconds cracks me up every time I think about it lol

Eventually I get to go talk to Azul and I sit down in front of his desk. I was like.

"This isn't my usual thing, should I just cut to the chase and say this bluntly or..?"

"My aren't you just straight to business. I like it."

"I guess. This isn't my scene and I'm not exactly here because I want to so I'd just like to get this over with"

"Go on then."

"Sorry. So I'm here because of the whole.. Anemone situation. Is there anyway I could get you to release them from there contracts?"

"Maybe a few.. But all. That's quite the tall order."

"and if it were up to me I would only ask that Ace, Deuce and Grim be released but unfortunately that's not an option at the moment."

"You seem like a relatively reasonable person so I'll cut you a deal" and he explains how the contract works. I get the picture and he lets everyone go.

He asks me if we have a deal and as I open my mouth those 3 fuck heads bust through the door, Jade and Floyd following behind. They start begging and pleading for me to just "sign the contract" and save them. That shit pissed me off because how dare you. I really laid into them I'm ngl. I told them

"You got your damn selves into this situation and if I had half a mind I'd leave you to your contracts. I don’t want to be here and if it were up to me I would leave you here to suffer the consequences of your own actions. So how about instead of begging me to get you out of the hole YOU dug, you take your asses back on the floor and do your damn job that you stupidly signed up for."

Which must’ve been really funny to watch considering Azul, Jade and Floyd were chuckling. After the three were dragged out by the anemones on their heads Azul just starts roasting the fuck out of me with the most matter of fact tone it was genuinely hilarious. He clearly knew nothing about me but like I wasn’t gonna say nothing. He really looked at me and said that a bargaining chip was gonna be tricky because and I quote I’m an “Average student with no exceptional talents” 💀💀💀 did I correct him? No but like damn I think my art is good and according to everyone else I can sing so stfu bitch 😭 Anyway I signed away Ramshackle as collateral because like.. Crowley threatens to take it all the time tf do I care lmfao

I end up sleeping in Savanaclaw for those few nights but whatever. Azul gave me the potion to let me breathe underwater, Thank you oh merciful see witch ig, we try to go to the museum. Now. I’m an epileptic, oxygen deprivation in any capacity is a trigger. I’m not a very fast swimmer and the Tweels are fucking fish. Floyd caught me and the squeeze is basically a choke hold combined with chest compression to stop you from breathing 😭 I had a seizure cuz of it and when I came to him and Jade were mortified, Jack was yelling at them, Deuce and Grim were sobbing, Ace was yelling about how he thought I was joking about having my medical conditions LMFAO

Yeah they generally stopped trying to catch me after that 💀 We ended up using the plan they used in the game and I specifically told Leona “hey, remember how Lilia pushed you into an overblot? If he starts freaking tf out and having a mental breakdown DONT I repeat do NOT start bullying tf out of him.” He didn’t fucking listen to me. Then wanted to look at me like he didn’t know that was gonna happen. Like bitch I warned you tf you looking at me for. In short he tried to snatch my whole life bro 😭 Dealing with over blots is fucking crazy bro cuz they’ll Fr try to kill you and start insulting tf out of you. It was so unserious with Azul tho I’m not even gonna lie to you man.

He said “you have no money and you live in a shit hole. Do you know how much money and energy its gonna take to fix that???? And you live there!!”

I said “take that up with Crowley man!” LMFAO

Afterwards he cried and then when he pulled himself together and we went to the museum I had a little heart to heart with him. I let him know that he was worth more than his appearance and more than his money and he should be proud of his accomplishments and his smarts. He said there’s no need to butter him up but like I don’t do that shit I was just being honest with my feelings.

That’s all I really have the energy for. Again I’m sorry it took so long 😭