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animatedminds · 5 years ago

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What If: Every Character In Dragonball FighterZ Had a Dramatic Finish? (Pt. 4 - Final)

Well, here we are at the end. For the last four days, this blog has been going over each of the characters in Dragonball FighterZ - the tragic, bereft ones without Dramatic Finish - and imagining what moments from their history would work best in Arcsys’ glorious animation style.

So far we’ve gone through near the whole franchise, with only a few characters left - and there’s no time like the present to give those few remaining characters their chance.

As before, this isn’t so much a request for all these characters to legitimately get Dramatic Finishes - Arc System Works’ animation is too intricate and time consuming for that to be a reality - as much as speculation of what might have been. Though only a few of the characters in the roster can have a Dramatic Finish, most of them can definitely carry one in my opinion, and at the very least it makes a great excuse to go back and watch a few classic Dragonball clips. It’s worth noting again, as well, that on this list we’re looking for appearances in Dramatic moments: not necessarily wins. Across the list there have been quite a few characters whose best, most cinematic options have been losses of theirs. If you want the whole list, no lines, no waiting, no need to go back, check out the SoundCloud cast of the whole thing - or if you prefer to sit back and read here’s Part 1, Part 2 and - of course - Part 3. But let’s get on with it. Last time we finished off Dragonball Super (with one exception), and UI Goku himself hit the stores... that is, without the Dramatic Finish we were expecting (that went to Blue Goku). What’s left here are the extras: additional characters, interesting ideas that don’t fit anywhere else, that sort of thing. But first, one thing needs to be settled with the last remaining Super character...

That, right. Goku (Ultra Instict) himself!

As you might have figured from what I just said - and the previous entry - the Dramatic Finish that came with the latest DLC turned out not to be an Ultra Instinct Goku Finish with Kefla, but was actually given to Goku Blue instead. This not only knocked Goku Blue off the list (just as well since - as I went through last time - the option I thought of for Goku Blue and the option I thought of for Hit were one and the same) and, naturally means we had to put Ultra Instinct Goku on in his stead.

This is a little tricky, as some of Goku’s best moments in the Tournament of Power have already been snapped up by the game. The Surfing Kamehameha moment with Kefla is of course the stand out, but there’s also already a Goku vs Jiren Dramatic Finish (with Base Goku). They’ve repeated themselves before - giving a Vs Freeza Dramatic Finish to both Super Saiyan and Base Goku (and I’ve already suggested what is effectively a third, albeit starting with Blue Vegeta), but it still makes this an odd thing to approach.

As seems typical, I ended up with two big ideas. You guys might not like this ruling so much, since the first is an overall very solid moment, and the second - my main idea - is a little unorthodox, but bear with me.

For the first idea, a picture perfect Dramatic Finish, I’d go with the moment Jiren attacks the stands, along with Goku’s enraged payback.

For those who haven’t seen the arc, the Tournament of Power is odd among Dragonball major storylines in that there isn’t really a “bad guy.” Everyone is fighting on equal terms in a universal storyline, for fear of having their universe erased if they lose (stakes which - spoilers - turns out to be semi-fake, or at least more than they think). Everyone in the tournament, moral or amoral, is neutral to one another... but that doesn’t mean they don’t have their hang-ups.

Jiren - the final boss - is a being who suffered hardship in his youth because he felt he wasn’t strong enough, and so dedicated his life to obtaining more power. Goku - anime protagonist that he is - claims that his power comes from his friends and Jiren, who couldn’t care less about friendship, doesn’t exactly like that, especially when Goku starts winning. So he throws a fit and tries to blow up Goku’s friends to prove a point. Goes without saying that Goku didn’t exactly like that either. This moment is very self contained, cinematic and strong, with quickly established stakes and an epic conclusion, which makes it a perfect Dramatic Finish - in fact, it might not have been a bad place to end the original arc itself. You would pretty much have to do it on the Galactic Arena stage - which is a FighterZ original - as the lack of a Tournament of Power stage means there’s no other place for Goku and Jiren to have a battle of the scale we’d need while also letting his friends be there in the firing line. But, that being the case, you would simply have it start - as all Dramatic Finishes do - with Jiren getting knocked back, he rants about how friendship is easily erased and shoots a blast as the stands, Goku deflects it, and goes to town: a fight ensues a la the Super Broly Dramatic Finish, with a couple extra dramatic shots, and ending with an uppercut and massive Kamehameha that takes Jiren out. End with a shot of Goku standing over Jiren, but on a much less cheerful note than the Base Goku one.

All in all, it’s a pretty great idea. One only has to look at the clip to see that. So what’s my other option, which I would prefer? Well... we’ve seen so many good Dramatic Finishes in the game, I kind of think the Dramatic Openings could use a little love, don’t you? I’ve already suggested a few, but mostly as side ideas. However, this one could serve as the most epic opening in the game, if done well. The moment where Goku goes Ultra Instinct for the very first time:

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Against Jiren again, of course.

The hypest moment of any transformation is always the moment the hero unlocks it. The point where they’re pushed to their limit and tap into that power they didn’t know they had. The God and Blue transformations were elaborate and offscreen, respectively, so this was really Super’s big transformation moment, and it was definitely hype.

Much earlier on, Goku tries to finish Jiren off with what he hopes is his ace in the hole - the Spirit Bomb. Jiren, having none of that, just flings it back... the resulting war ends with Goku losing: the blast slowly overtakes Goku before detonating in a truly spectacular way, and for a moment it looks like Goku is done.

That is, until he steps out of the transformation... changed.

It would definitely be the most elaborate Dramatic Opening - with the same amount of scene-work and modeling you would expect from a Dramatic Finish, but it would be worth it. The Dramatic scenes have in general become more and more spectacular over the years, but most of the Openings were early and so missed out on it. Still, the best thing about the Dramatic Openings is that they really get you energized for the fight to come - make you feel like it’s about to go down, and this scene would absolutely accomplish that. Not to mention, it would go perfectly alongside the Super Saiyan Goku and Super Saiyan 2 Gohan transformation openings as well.

But both options work pretty well, and either way it would be a great way to let the newest content in the franchise continue to shine. If Moro shows up later in this season, I’ll be surprised, but you can bet they’re will be some options off of that. But with Super now officially done, we move on to the truly extra candidates. Starting with...

Android #21

The villain of FighterZ’s story mode herself: a terrifying android who, thanks to a few infused traits from the Buu line, seeks to consume all life on Earth - while at odds with her own good side.

Since literally her only content ever is FighterZ’s story mode there’s not much to pull from, but luckily the choice for her is an absolute no-brainer. I’ve mentioned before that you could give her a decent Dramatic Finish with Android 16 - using any of his death scenes - but the best option is simply to take the end of the story mode, modify it and give it to us as a Finish of its own.

That’s right, we’re talking about the moment where Good #21 sacrifices herself to take Evil #21 out for good.

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And, on the unique side, it would make this the only Dramatic Finish to trigger off of a mirror match - which is something rather impossible for anyone else.

You would need Goku on your team, of course - in a climax reminiscent of Kid Buu’s death, the moment involves Goku charging a Spirit Bomb while #21 holds her evil self off. Once the bomb is ready, Goku lets it fly - but Evil #21 is just powerful enough that she can resist the explosion. All seems lost, until the good half, knowing that she still holds the malice within that could lead to her becoming like her other self one day, tackles her evil embodiment - resulting in both being eradicated in a blazing explosion.

It’s a simple moment, sans all the dialogue, and the would be very simple to adapt to a Dramatic Finish: arguably, you would barely have to alter anything that isn’t already there (well, besides making the models fully animate in the “in between” moments, which would probably take some doing). Granted, one would have to have played the story mode to know what’s going on, but it’s not as if Dramatic Finishes aren’t fairly lore heavy in the first place.

And with her settled, we move on to the next questionably canon character without a Dramatic Finish, and one that was pretty hard to think of one for...

Goku (Dragon Ball GT)

... I don’t want to say “why couldn’t this have just been Kid Goku?” I really don’t.

However, for the purposes of this list, him being GT Goku makes it almost impossible to think of a Dramatic Finish. There’s the rumors Omega Shenron is going to be appearing later on in the season, but so far those are only that: rumors.

Otherwise, Goku doesn’t really get much in the way of awesome fighting moments against the rest of the game roster. He fights against Gohan (and adult Goten, which for obvious reasons isn’t happening) when the latter was under Baby’s control, but that doesn’t really have a conclusive end - let alone a dramatic one. He fights Vegeta in the same way, but Baby Vegeta is very much a different character from any other Vegeta we’ve got, far past the point of finagling, so the reference wouldn’t work.

Thus, I’ve mostly been going with “why not just pretend GT Goku is Kid Goku” for this list and any future Dramatic Finish. It came up in the Tien section, if and when Roshi appears it’s my suggestion for him as well, and it works far easier than trying to shoehorn a GT scene into the game.

With that in mind, I’ve already noted a great option in the first part of this: the end of Tien and Goku’s first fight, on the Tenkaichi Budokai stage. It’s epic, it’s a classic moment, and it’s lots of fun. Honestly, it’s GT Goku’s best option for a Finish.

But to give a new idea, I’d love for them to do something small but sweet for GT / Kid Goku. Something that would be both a cool call back, and a neat fighting game classic moment as well.

I’m talking about Goku and Krillin’s fistbump:

This still takes some finagling - that’s Kid Krillin you see above you, who is a lot smaller than his adult version (though not by much, you’d think). And there’s also a moment like this in Super between adult Krillin and and what would be in Base Goku in FighterZ terms, which would probably work even better (if anything, they could make this opening between Krillin and Base Goku and have GT Goku stand in during the flashback) -

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- but if we’re talking about GT- sorry, “Kid Goku,” giving him this moment would work fairly well too. It’s another moment geared towards presenting a classic reference from the series’ oldest days, and gives us a sweet Dramatic Opening vs a tense and spectacular one.

It also doubles as a decent fighting game ref. Having characters who in lore are friends enter a fight with a simple fistbump or some other sign of respect is an enduring opening idea that’s most often seen in Street Fighter - which has often had Ryu and Ken begin fights this way.

This kind of small but sweet reference has somewhat gone out of style these days, along with a lot of the nuances you got with sprite-based fighters, but if it could be done more, I’d actually love to see it.

Here, for this case, you would simply have it happen on the Tenkaichi Budokai stage, and either have them walk onto the stage together and fistbump or - to save on animation costs - just begin with them doing it and jumping back to fight. For the full Base Goku version, doing that with a flashback of Kid Goku (a la GT Goku standing-in) doing the same, and then back to them as adults.

That and the Tien Finish are really the best GT Goku’s going to get unless something changes in the future, and both are pretty neat ideas, so that’s as far as we’re going to get with him.

And that’s the whole roster: with this list, now everyone has a Dramatic Finish. So I’ll end it instead with a truly extra suggestion: a Finish for a character who already has one, but which would be a very different kind of Finish that would still be pretty neat.

Kid Buu Destroys The World

I’ve already suggested something like this for Blue Vegeta’s Dramatic Finish - a finish in which the bad guy wins, and blows up the planet. It’s something that’s oddly cool to think about. Dragonball has many fantastic moments, including ones where the bad guys get ahead - King Piccolo blowing up Shenron, Nappa wiping out Goku’s friends, Cell crippling Vegeta and humiliating Trunks - but in the end, we mostly talk about the heroic ones.

So why not flip the script and just do one where everything goes to hell? Literally, for the evil people who happen to be on Earth.

Buu doing this is even more iconic than Freeza, imo, because while Freeza has been destroying planets for longer, it was always planets that weren’t our heroes’ own. He killed off Namek, but when he tried to come back to Earth and do it on the good guys’ home turf he got eviscerated - it wasn’t until a long time after that he was finally able to pull it off, and by then the heroes had a means of instantly undoing it. I still think Freeza vs Vegeta is a good choice for a potential Blue Vegeta Dramatic Finish, but if you’re approaching it from a “let’s make a Finish were it all goes horribly” standpoint, Buu is the standout moment.

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For this, Kid Buu wins against Super Saiyan Vegeta or Goku. After the customary knockback, Buu grins, and laughs, and creates a planet destroying ball of energy. Goku and Vegeta run, but can’t get away - for bonus points, you could have Gohan, Goten + Trunks, and Piccolo on the ground, just out of saving range as the two are forced to instant transmission away. Cut to a shot of the planet as a whole, just before it all goes up.

Then, in the empty nothing of space, Buu reconstitutes, and flies off for more destruction. The end.

It’s a very different feel from the rest of the Dramatic Finishes, I think, which is why I felt it deserved to be on here even though Buu already has one. It’s just a fun, extra idea of the kinds of interesting things they might decide to do with Dramatic Finishes in the future.

And that’s everyone!

Hope you all enjoyed sitting through my nerdy listing habit. This was a lot of fun, going through all these Dragonball moments, remembering this and that and finding the most epic things each of our favorite characters have done. This isn’t even touching the iceberg for most of the cast, but if they do someday decide to give more of the rosters Dramatic Openings, none of these would at all be a bad place to start.

But if you think I’ve got the wrong idea, let me know. If there’s some moments you think would be better, give ‘em a try! Keep playing FighterZ if you have it, and simply stay Sparking if you don’t. The sky’s the limit for Dragonball, maybe even farther, and sometimes I think we haven’t seen anything yet!

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wardencommanderrodimiss · 5 years ago

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Witches, Chapter 19: yeah there’s actually still one last little bit of investigation left in this case. I’m sorry too. Now who wants backstory for side characters in a DLC case!

[Seelie of Kurain Chapter Masterlist] [ao3]

[Witches Chapter Masterlist] [ao3]

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For all her bluff and bluster about getting back to investigating in the face of Blackquill’s disdain, Athena doesn’t seem to have a clue what they should do next. She tromps in stocking feet back into the aquarium, Phoenix and Pearl trailing behind her, and stares at a poster on the wall with life cycle facts about penguins for five minutes before she suggests that they go visit Sasha, because if Blackquill was here, then he had to be done interrogating her, right?

Pearl remains behind at the aquarium to get settled in, and Athena complains the whole drive to the detention center because Phoenix made her put her wet shoes back on instead of driving barefoot. “I’m wearing tights!” she insists. “It’s not barefoot!”

“Shoes, kiddo.”

“They’re wet! It’s gross!”

“Should’ve thought of that before you threw a bucket of water at a witch.” Or whatever he is. Fae-adjacent, the same vague broad classification to encompass Phoenix and Trucy and Klavier and Thalassa. Apollo’s not quite there yet.

“Wicked witch of the bench afraid he’d melt if it hit him, you think?” She steps out onto the parking lot asphalt and winces at the tiny rocks digging into her feet. “Okay,” she sighs. “Shoes.”

As they wait at the detention center for Sasha to be brought out, Athena turns, very seriously, to Phoenix. “Alright, Boss, we’ve gotta cheer Sasha up! If you’re feeling bad about the investigation, don’t you dare show it!”

The door on the other side of the glass opens and an officer escorts Sasha in. She wears a grin on her face but has a wild look in her eyes. “Ahoy, me buckos! Worry ye not about me! My spirits be good and ol’ Prosecutor Nostache won’t keep me down!”

“Uh.” Athena blinks and turns to Phoenix. He shrugs.

Sasha’s entire posture collapses. “Well that was an anchor,” she says. “Straight to the bottom. I wanted to make you feel better for all the trouble I’m causing…”

“We were hoping to cheer you up,” Athena says.

“Maybe you both can just act natural,” Phoenix says. Not that telling anyone to “act natural” ever leads to any normal or natural behaviors. Certainly not if he ever told Maya that, though after the first time he learned to add the qualifier “act what might be natural for a human”.

“Anyway.” Athena inhales deeply and the large, forced smile that she had put on calms down into something still friendly, still smiling, but closer to neutral, and much more natural. “What we’re here for, Sasha, is to tell you that we’d like to represent you in court tomorrow!”

“What!” Sasha shoves herself backward from the sill, her chair screeching horribly across the floor until it gets stuck, and she still pushing tips herself and the chair over backwards, thudding out of sight to the ground.

“Sasha?” Phoenix asks. “Is - is something wrong?”

She doesn’t stand back up. Athena pushes herself up on the sill and presses her forehead against the glass, trying to peer down to see if she’s okay. “Pros - Prosecutor Blackquil s-said--” Sasha’s shaking, shuddering breathing interrupts her words. “Said that you w-wouldn’t show up. You’d abandon me.” She’s definitely crying now, loudly and messily. “And you’re here! You - you’re - you’re h-here. To rescue me.” She rights the chair, rubbing tears off of her cheeks and out of her bloodshot eyes.

“No, Sasha!” Athena still has her face up close to the glass and she presses her palms up against it, too. “We would never! Even Prosecutor Blackquill should know that! I would never! Don’t cry!” The next loud sniffling comes from Athena.

Oh boy.

“These are happy tears.” And Sasha is smiling, beaming really, even blinking furiously to stop further tears from falling. “I’m so so glad I met you both! For Orla and me a-and—” Another shaky breath stops her for a moment. “Okay. I’m okay. I’m okay! You’ve probably got questions, right? Fire away!”

What she tells them of cleaning the orca pool that early morning is a review of what they’ve already heard, up to the point that she readily tells them she was arguing with the captain. She talks more about Orla’s tricks, says that the calendar with the seven am meeting with the captain is definitely not hers, and when they tell her that they dropped off her medications - it was Fulbright who tasked them with this, but it still had to be cleared with the prison so that they know no one is trying to smuggle in something illegal like white powder (Apollo is way too straight-laced for an Anything Agency and it’s hilarious every time he smacks inconsequentially up against that wall) - she starts getting weird. Like she’s trying to distract them from the fact that she’s on medication at all, which isn’t really working. “Are you sick?” Athena asks. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah, it’s all just peachy!” Sasha says with false, feigned cheer; the fact that she couldn’t drum up a fish pun to use really seals it. (Wait, isn’t a drum a kind of fish? Why’s he know more about fish than flowers? And seals - god damn it.)

Athena stares doubtfully at her. Her shoulders slump. “I guess I could just tell you, huh,” Sasha says. “It’s for a heart condition but—”

“A heart condition?” Athena cries, her voice high and shrill.

“—but it’s not that serious—”

“Not that serious!” Athena’s second echo isn’t quite as much of a piercing shriek, but it’s even louder, an angry yell. “It’s your heart! Don’t tell me not to worry!”

Sasha heaves a sigh. “This is why I don’t tell people,” she says. “Because you freak, and then I’m trying to reassure you that you don’t need to treat me like I’m fragile, and I’ve got to explain that I’m not dying, so on, so on.”

“Oh,” Athena says. “I’m sorry.”

“Nah, it’s okay.” Sasha shrugs. “I’m sorry for snapping at you like that. It’s not you. It just gets a little tiring going through the same song-and-dance every time I tell someone. Much less fun than putting on the same song and dance with Orla every show!” Athena laughs and Sasha sticks her tongue out at her. “And I’d just had that argument with the captain the other night, too. The one that came up in the trial this morning. He knew about my condition, and I’d told him that I’d scheduled the surgery that would fix it, and he was worried and he told me that’d been thinking, and he was taking me out of the show. You saw the new flier, right? That I’m not in it?”

Phoenix nods.

“And it was supposed to debut yesterday. But I needed to go out there and perform yesterday. It was the anniversary of Azura’s death, and I had this crazy idea that I would go in front of the audience and tell them all that her death was just an accident, that Orla didn’t kill her, and now the captain wasn’t going to let me out there. So what I did” - her smile is somewhere between devious and sad - “was move the skull rock from the show stage. Put it back in the orca pool, figured the captain probably wouldn’t look there, and if he couldn’t find the major prop for the new show, we’d have to do the old one again, right? Marlon gave me a hand with it, while he was watching Orla at the stage pool.”

It was a bold plan, is about all Phoenix can say to that. “Azura is the orca trainer before you?” he asks.

“Yeah. Azura Summers. She taught me everything I know - she was a year older than me and we were like - anemone and clownfish. Remora and shark!” Phoenix doesn’t speak marine biology but Athena is nodding in solemn understanding. “She was a year older than me. She was the best - you ever meet someone and just, hit it off immediately, you just know that they’re someone who’s gonna be so important in your life?” Sasha stares down at her hands, fiddling with something. “And then she was gone.”

“That must’ve been awful,” Athena says. “Losing someone you loved, and then having everyone else say that your friend was the one that killed her, and no one believes you when you know otherwise.” She sniffs again. Poor girl and her sensitive hearing and hyperempathy.

Sasha nods. “Azura was like family, since my own family was never exactly supportive of my career path.” And not that Phoenix wants to downplay the severity of family disapproval, how much of a mess of hurt their influence can make, but he can’t exactly say he’s surprised to hear that a selkie’s family might think that her getting a career with an orca was bad news. “I can only imagine what they’re saying now after the captain’s death now too.”

He doesn’t want to pick at a reopening wound, but he never knows what strange little pieces of information will help, and so he asks, “Were you and Ms Summers - involved?”

“Huh?” Sasha blinks at him. A moment later the meaning clicks. “Oh! No, she was straight. She had a boyfriend that I never got to meet, but I’d help her send him videos of some of our orca-training sessions, because I mean, getting to see your cute girlfriend hanging with a cute orca, what could be better?”

“Toss a cute penguin in there too!” Athena suggests. “And then you’re golden!”

“Athena, I love the way you think!”

Phoenix clears his throat. Something more for his “legal etiquette Athena needs to learn” list: the detention center is not a place for hitting on people. Or maybe it’s more Sasha hitting on her. Or maybe they’re just like this.

Sasha’s face falls and her eyes turn downcast. “She had this matching charm with her boyfriend that I’d wanted to return to him after she died, but I didn’t know enough about him to find him, so I just hung onto it myself. Swore on it that I’d become the best orca trainer ever, for her.” She holds up the charm; it hangs from a cord with a bead strung on it, and looks like a little talisman or envelope one would find at a shrine. “Just like the captain always used her walkie-talkie after that. It had teeth marks from Orla in it, when she brought Azura back up from the water…”

Jack Shipley’s death must be like reliving a nightmare for her.

(But also, remembering the photo of the body, Phoenix did not see a walkie-talkie in the victim’s holder for it.)

“Wait, you didn’t even see her boyfriend at her funeral?” Athena asks.

Sasha shakes her head sadly. “She didn’t even have a funeral. We held our own memorial for her at the aquarium, but her family just sort of - showed up and took her away. I’d suggested that we get an autopsy or something done, to know how she actually died and that it wasn’t Orla, but we needed her family’s permission for that and they wouldn’t give it.”

Her face is turned toward them, and her eyes are, or should be, but she has the spaced-out look of someone not seeing what’s right in front of her. “They had this huge row with Dr Crab about something, too. I wonder if that’s part of what changed him. He and Azura were pretty close, and he started acting so different after she died - talking about how he was going to euthanize Orla, when before he said he’d never do such a thing. He thought she did it! He still always keeps poison on hand, ready to put her down at any moment! If she’d been found guilty today he would’ve just done it, right then!”

Phoenix has a very good idea of who they need to talk to again, next.

Back at the aquarium, they find Dr Crab in his laboratory, with Pearl, who is holding a furiously a squawking Rifle in her arms. “—correct, she does hate me. Since this little annoyance” - Dr Crab gestures at Sniper, who is for once free of the nest of his hair and waddling about the lab - “imprinted on me right out of the egg, she thinks I stole her baby. I didn’t want to steal her baby! But I guess she feels like the human parents of a changeling would.”

“That’s very sad for both of you,” Pearl says seriously. Rifle’s wings flap against her hands. “Your job involves inducing animals to vomit a lot, doesn’t it?”

The doctor snorts. “Today’s just been a hell of a day.” He squints down at the strange machine in his hand, something too boxy to be a regular tablet, with a small screen that flips back on a hinge. “Now let me see if I can find out when she ingested that foreign object.”

“Hi Mr Nick!” Pearls releases Rifle to the ground and the penguin makes an immediate beeline for Dr Crab’s shins. Absorbed in whatever he’s looking at on his machine, he doesn’t seem to notice. “Watch the penguin vomit! It’s for Sniper to eat!” She directs his attention to a pile of, yes, penguin vomit, that he doesn’t want to consider any further, but that Sniper is pecking at. “Mr Doctor told me that mama penguins partially digest and regurgitate fish for their babies to eat, because it’s easier for them to eat that mush!”

“You two seem to be getting along well,” Phoenix says. “You and Dr Crab, I mean.” They already knew that Pearl hit it off with Rifle, somehow.

“Rifle ate something she shouldn’t so I was helping him get that out of her.” Pearl gestures now at the corner of one of the lab tables, where an object, familiar though it’s partially covered in mushed-up fish, lies. Phoenix takes a few more steps forward. The mess doesn’t smell as fishy as he expected, or perhaps he’s lost all sense of smell, and yes, whatever it is that Rifle ate looks a whole hell of a lot like the little talisman Sasha had, that once belonged to Azura. And there was supposed to be a second one, that Azura’s boyfriend had, wasn’t there?

“Excuse me, Dr Crab?” Phoenix says. He grunts. “Can we take a look at that charm that Rifle swallowed?”

He grunts again. Phoenix decides that’s a “yes”. Investigations don’t get anywhere fast, otherwise. He gingerly picks up the cord on the charm and lets it dangle. Yeah, that’s definitely the same thing as—

“Hey! What are you doing with that?” Dr Crab snaps out of his reverie, with all the anger of a man who’s only just realized something is happening that he would’ve liked to have stopped sooner. “Put that down! That’s Azura’s!”

Phoenix drops it back on the table. Dr Crab, with no regard for penguin barf, snatches it away. “What the hell was it doing in Rifle’s stomach?” He drops it back into the pocket of his lab coat.

“Would this one happen to have belonged to Azura’s boyfriend?” Phoenix asks.

“I don’t make it a habit to discuss the affairs of the deceased! Especially not with you people!”

Bit of a fraught subject, there. Sasha did say that they were close. “Yesterday was the anniversary of her death, right?”

Dr Crab’s sigh sounds more like a growl. How close is Phoenix to being kicked out of the lab? “That’s right,” Crab says. “A year since the orca killed her.”

“You really think Orla did?” Athena asks. “I don’t believe it!”

“And I was there, Ms Lawyer. I saw Orla bite her. Maybe she didn’t mean to kill her, who’s to say - but what I do know is that Azura is dead.” The point he puts on his last several words closes down the topic even more firmly than his outraged yelling did. Satisfied that he’s shut Phoenix up - for the moment, because Phoenix refuses to be done until he’s run out of questions and he’s still got plenty - he returns to studying the data on his machine.

Who knows what might be important information for a trial? “So what’s that there?” Phoenix asks.

“Monitoring system. Collection of medical records for all the creatures. Between it and the cameras I can monitor them all constantly, twenty-four/seven. Company secret, that’s all I’ll tell you.”

“Really?” Phoenix asks. “Aren’t medical records just like - past exams and stuff? How can you get present, constant data from that?”

“Good point,” Crab says, after a slight pause. A sneered, thin smile stretches out across his face. “I can see there’s no fooling you.”

“Are you trying to fool me?” Phoenix asks.

The two Psyche-Locks that clang into place answer that question for him.

“You tell me,” Dr Crab says.

“Clearly,” Phoenix says.

“Excuse me, Mr Doctor?” Pearl asks. She scoops Rifle up into her arms to stop the penguin from resuming an attack on Dr Crab’s shins. “Mr Nick is a very good lawyer who always finds the truth but he needs to know everything he can to do so. Even if you don’t think your monitorings have anything to do with the case, it might be the information that Mr Nick needs to bluff himself into a better position to win!”

Dr Crab stares at Phoenix, his eyebrows raised. Phoenix wishes Pearl had found any other way to phrase that. “And it would be very kind and helpful of you to do,” Pearl adds.

The lab is far from silent - the hum and murmur of computers, Rifle’s struggles to break free and attack, Sniper eating, Athena cooing at Sniper. But it still feels quiet and empty as Pearl waits for any response and reaction at all from Dr Crab. He says nothing. She narrows her eyes, glancing from Rifle to the floor, like her next step in convincing him will be to sic a penguin on him.

Instead she simply readjusts her hold on Rifle, pulling the penguin up further in her arms, and says, much more seriously, no longer with any sort of pleading edge, “You asked for my help to examine Rifle and I gave it to you, remember? It was just a few minutes ago, right before Mr Nick came back, but I didn’t just offer that on my own.”

“Son of a bitch,” Dr Crab hisses. “That’s exactly what happened, isn’t it? I asked her if you could grab her for me and - damn, now I owe you, don’t I?”

He and Athena both glance over at Phoenix’s sharp intake of breath. Pearl doesn’t do this; she cares about human standards of fairness and tends to cancel debts made out of careless words of people who don’t know better and don’t know what she is. This situation, this case, she thinks is desperate. And Dr Crab saw what she is. It’s fair.

Pearl, unblinking, hollow-eyed, nods. “And I think you should answer Mr Nick’s questions about your monitoring,” she says.

Dr Crab shakes his head. “Well,” he says. “Shit. I got careless and that’s on me - to the victor go the spoils. So if I answer whatever questions our Mr Lawyer here has about my monitoring equipment here, then we’re settled, yes? No debts after that.”

“No debts after that,” Pearl agrees.

They both wait for Phoenix to say something; it’s a bit tricky, he thinks, to follow up a top-tier negotiation such as Pearl’s. “So. Twenty-four/seven monitoring. How’s that work?”

“It’s an ecological data organization system developed in Europe. Teleobservation Realtime Pertinent Data Organizer, TORPEDO for short.”

Phoenix decides not to try and suss out how well that acronym actually fits it, and not just because the whole name has already been ejected from his brain and he couldn’t repeat it back if he tried. Tele-pertinent real-time data what?

“It records information on its subjects constantly - heartbeat, vocalization, movements, temperature, and so on - through sensors placed on or near the subject. All that gets sent to me and my equipment here. Rifle has her sensor attached to her flipper ID tag.” Pearl takes Rifle’s wing in her hand and holds it out to examine the tag in question. “For Orla and the fish, it’s attached to the side of the tank. Now here we go, what’s it say about Rifle’s feeding?” Dr Crab glares down at the terminal in his hand. “Four am on the nineteenth is when she swallowed that. What a weird time. And - shit, Orla didn’t eat at all that night until the next afternoon.” He shakes his head. “What is going on here?”

“Maybe that’s why Rifle wouldn’t eat my fish but Orla would.” Athena sounds slightly cheered at the prospect that it wasn’t her causing personal offense to Rifle - Rifle just wasn’t hungry.

Phoenix clears his throat. “Why keep it a secret?” he asks. “This monitoring system - it’s clearly helpful and it’s not like we’re competitors trying to come in and steal your secrets.”

“Let me preface this by saying” - nothing good ever starts that way - “that this system has been tested rigorously and approved as safe and legal in many countries. Just not this one.”

Ah, that would do it. “You’re breaking the law?” Athena asks, startled.

Dr Crab grimaces but it ends as something more like a grin. “That’s why I keep this terminal with me at all times. Lucky, else the police might’ve been poking their noses into it yesterday. None of the rest of the crew knows - keeps them safe from the legal repercussions, but I had Jack’s permission for this. He felt, and I agreed, that giving the best care possible to our animals was more important than legality.”

“But - but you’re breaking the law! And that’s—” Athena sputters, searching for a solid objection. “That’s breaking the law!”

Yeah, she’s a smart kid but hopefully she’s not going into a trial without a co-counsel any time soon.

“And if breaking the law betters the lives of our animals? Are we supposed to just sit and wait for the law to change, when in the meantime we can have more information and act quicker to help them - to save their lives?”

“But…” Athena glances to Phoenix for backup she won’t find. Not that he’s not a hypocrite, but he’s not going to step into this debate just to be one. It’s disconcerting, again, every time he realizes that part of Athena’s admiration of him comes only from the fact that she doesn’t know him as well as Apollo does. She’s arguing against the logic that bore him his ace in the hole. And he can’t blame her; it took him a long, bad time to get there. “You’re just - twisting it around, now.” But she looks rattled, not sure how to square this away with the foundation of her career.

“Dr Crab,” Phoenix says. “I might need to use this information in court tomorrow. But that would obviously cause serious problems for you and the aquarium.” He isn’t asking permission, but this isn’t quite an apology, either. It’s just a statement of what it is, regrettable, inevitable.

“You’ve gotta do your job, Mr Lawyer, and I do mine.” Dr Crab shrugs, more resigned than bothered. This must be a prescient concern, for however long it’s been since they installed this system at the aquarium. Maybe it’s even a relief by now, to no longer be hiding. “I stand by my convictions and don’t have regrets, and I hope you won’t, either. I can’t blame you, or her, for that.” He nods at Pearl.

“I appreciate it.” Nice to not have a witness biting his head off, even if in this case it would be - not deserved, he’d like to think, but understandable.

“Hmph. Any last questions on that or can I—”

A loud peeping begins, like the chirps Sniper made but louder and constant. Dr Crab frowns and slips a phone out of his pocket. “Hello? Crab here.”

“That’s a ringtone?” Pearl asks. “That’s adorable!”

“I don’t think Maya’s gonna let you change mine,” Phoenix says to her.

“I didn’t think that Dr Crab liked the penguins that much,” Athena whispers. “But I guess he’s just a big softie, really!”

Were he actually listening to them Phoenix has no doubt the doctor would consider those fighting words. As it is, his fighting words are for whoever is on the other end of the line. “Son of a bitch, you people again! What more do you—”

He storms from the lab and slams the door behind him. Athena looks at Phoenix. He nods. She creeps closer to the door to listen, crouched with her ear by the crack where it closes, though Phoenix isn’t sure she needs to be that close to actually hear. “He’s saying that Orla was found not guilty,” she says, “and that should be enough - stop harassing him, he knows that - if it comes to it he - Mr Wright!” She tried to spring back up but smacks her head against the bottom of the doorknob on her way up, and wincing and grumbling to herself, stands tall again. “He said - that if he has to he’d euthanize Orla!”

“No!” Pearl gasps. Rifle wriggles around in her arms and Pearl sets her on the table. “She’s not guilty! In a court of law! She can’t be punished!”

Knowing that the whole orca pool can function as a faery ring makes Phoenix even more nervous that she’s going to commit larceny as soon as anything starts seeming tense. Grand Theft Orca. This is not something he ever thought he would have to consider.

The door swings violently inward, banging hard into Athena’s shoulder. She stumbles away, cursing under her breath again. Phoenix picks out pieces of several languages. (He really should ask her how to say “fuck you” in German. It would be funny.)

“Where’s my goddamn calendar?” Dr Crab storms back in, sweeping a dozen takeout containers from the desk in front of the largest screen into the trash can strategically positioned right next to it. A few fliers for the orca show drift to the floor. “Son of a bitch, where did I leave it this time?”

“Calendar?” Athena perks up. “It wouldn’t happen to be one of those cute penguin ones, is it? Mr Rimes found one in the nap room and—”

Dr Crab snatches it away from her and scans the mess of his desktop for a pen and scribbles something on it. “Yes, that’s mine. It was a gift, all right?” He sighs. “From Azura. She designed the calendars for this year and this was the prototype.”

“Oh.” Athena’s smile vanishes. And then, seeming to take a cue from Phoenix’s line of questioning of Sasha back at the detention center, she asks, “Did you and Ms Summers happen to be, erm, romantically involved?”

“Of course not!” He bristles at the suggestion, almost weirdly defensive, so while he sees no Psyche-Locks, Phoenix still won’t take it as the end-all-be-all. Maybe he’s defensive about the calendar for what’s written on it, that meeting with the victim at seven am. Could he, at that time, have committed murder? “Were I even so inclined to partake of ‘romantic feelings’” - he doesn’t make them with his hands but Phoenix can hear the air quotes - “I certainly would not involve myself with—” He stops. He glares at Athena and Phoenix in turn. “What business of yours is it, anyway?”

“I just heard a lot of sadness in your voice when you mentioned her, and the calendar,” Athena says. “And I wondered—”

“She was a good friend and now she’s dead, of course I’m sad!” Though he’s probably not sad now, just mad at them and their prying questions. “How can you possibly think that’s related to your defense of Sasha, or do you like using the excuse of being lawyers to pry into people’s personal lives?”

Seems like it’s time to redirect; this thread when pulled on isn’t going anywhere good. “Your phone call just now - what was that about?”

“Heard all that, did you now?” Dr Crab sighs. Phoenix skips the part where he clarifies that Athena did, because she has better hearing than the human and fae also in the room. “That’s the Center for Dangerous Animal Control, insisting that if Orla ever attacks anyone again, we’d better not bother with this rigamarole and just put her down immediately.”

“But that’s not fair!” Athena has her fists raised, ready to fight the shadowy specter of this vague organization. “Did you agree to that?”

Dr Crab is quiet for a very long time. “Sometimes,” he says finally, “unfortunately, things happen. As a veterinarian, I am prepared to do whatever needs to be done.”

“Sasha says you keep poison on hand to always be prepared to put Orla down!” Athena levels the accusation with fury that Sasha would be proud of.

Dr Crab reaches into one of the pockets of his lab coat and pulls out a tiny plastic bag that contains within it a red and yellow capsule.

One that looks exactly like that they found mixed in with the contents of Orla’s stomach.

Phoenix is very, very glad they didn’t show it to him.

“That’s awful!” Athena says. “How dare you!” She’s livid enough that Phoenix isn’t sure she realizes this pill is like the other one, and while that’s something they’re going to have to work on - making sure she’s clear-minded enough to make all the connections that matter, for now she’ll have him or Apollo with her, and Phoenix is just glad she won’t blurt it out to Dr Crab. He wants to keep this one close to his chest until he sees the best opening to play it.

“Sasha thought the same thing.” Dr Crab drops the pill back in his pocket. “When security around Orla was tightened last year, she insisted that I not be given a key card to access the orca pool room. Thinking, I imagine, that the chances of Orla having a medical emergency when either she nor Jack were here to let me in were lower than the chances of me doing something to her.” He huffs derisively, Athena still seething.

“Dr Crab, I have a last question for you,” Phoenix says. “This - Center for Dangerous Animal Control.” Or however the words were ordered. “Ms DePlume told me something interesting earlier today.” That the Center had made this same demand a year ago, and for some reason relented, but the aquarium has been making large monthly payouts to someone or somewhere ever since. Phoenix repeats this fact to Dr Crab’s expressionless face, and adds, “It’s clear that there’s something going on behind the scenes here, and I suspect that it has something to do with this murder.”

“Do you.” He’s good at responding by saying nothing, but any words at all are sometimes enough to trip the trap, let Phoenix know exactly how much a witness is hiding.

Five Psyche-Locks this time, the appearance punctuated a moment later with loud footsteps and a louder yell. “Dr Herman Crab! Sorry to interrupt, but Prosecutor Blackquill wants to speak with you!”

“Son of a—” Dr Crab punctuates his speech by smacking his calendar down hard on the the table. “What the hell else could you possibly have to ask me?”

“We were hoping to have Mr Rimes testify at tomorrow’s trial, but we’ve been having some trouble getting him to cooperate. As such, Prosecutor Blackquill would like to call you instead!”

“Hmph.” Crab takes a moment in which he clearly is sizing up and assessing Fulbright, deciding whether he can get out of this and if he wants to tangle with Blackquill in that way. Surprising that he didn’t manage to coerce (or threaten) Rimes into talking and has to go for a backup. “Fine. But I’m not giving my opinion on what happened. I’ll tell you what I know, but I’m not taking sides.” He turns to Phoenix. “Until tomorrow, Mr Lawyer.”

Neither Trucy nor Apollo notices when the office door opens. Trucy has her laptop in her lap and is furiously scrolling, glancing between the screen and the notebook Apollo is still trying to write it. It’s a silent and periodic scuffle between the two of them as Trucy grabs it and yanks it toward her to check something, and Apollo pulls it back to continue writing. Phoenix shudders to think how unreadable his handwriting is from this. “Commonly for a number of heart conditions,” Trucy mutters. “Is this relevant, Apollo?”

“Of course it is!” He reaches across her keyboard and turns her screen toward himself. “Go back to the book - the picture. If she had a heart condition and a physically intensive job—” He taps his pen against the screen. “There’s no visible injury, look, wouldn’t you think a killer whale could cause some damage—”

“Oh! You think that—”

“Yeah.”

“Hey, guys,” Phoenix says. “What are we working on?”

They shriek in tandem, Apollo flinging the pen and Trucy knocking the notebook to the floor and almost dropping her laptop. Athena claps her hands over her ears, belatedly, and braces herself against the doorframe. “Yes, we’re back now,” Phoenix adds. “What’ve you got?”

“First: the capsule!” Apollo moves his hand like he means to gesture with the pen to the capsule in a bag on the coffee table, except the pen is no longer in his hand, so he’s just sort of waving, and his voice still as enthusiastically loud as ever. “It’s a sleeping drug! That’s the brand name on it, ‘3 Zs’. The Shipshape Aquarium vet recently bought a bunch of it from Hickfield Clinic - it’s meant for people, but apparently would work on other mammals.”

“A sleeping drug?” Phoenix repeats.

Apollo nods.

That had been Phoenix’s first thought, when he first saw that capsule, but Dr Crab called it poison - sure, enough of it could certainly kill, but he’s a veterinarian. He’d be legally able to get some kind of actual euthanization drug instead of trying to overdose an orca on sleeping pills - if that was actually what he intended with it, and not something else. Why pretend it’s poison?

“And the other thing - Shipshape Aquarium had the woman who died last year, Azura Summers, right?” He doesn’t wait for Phoenix to confirm he knows and barrels on, “She was getting medication prescribed by Hickfield Clinic to help her manage a heart condition.”

“I found an illegal download of that writer lady’s book!” Trucy pipes up. Bless that girl.

“A heart condition?” Phoenix can’t do much but echo right now, but his mind is racing. What was Apollo saying when they walked in? Jack Shipley removed Sasha from the show for fear that she would come to harm because of her condition - theoretically, that could’ve already happened. “Do you know what the medication she was on was called?”

“Uh…” Apollo glances down at his notebook. “I wrote it down? It’s like—”

Phoenix takes the notebook from him. The writing is exactly as messy as he imagined, jagged pen lines trailing off across half the page when Trucy grabbed it. “That’s the same medication that Sasha is taking,” he says to Athena.

“So what’s that mean?” she asks.

“I have no idea.” That’s a hell of a coincidence, but he doesn’t really see how it could be anything but an unfortunate coincidence, even as a man whose policy is to not believe in coincidences. Orla isn’t on trial now, and wasn’t on trial for Azura’s death, either, yesterday. But maybe this information could offer some reassurance, and closure, to Sasha and the rest of the aquarium crew. “But that capsule, now that’s something. Nice work, Apollo.”

Apollo gives Phoenix a wide-eyed, startled look. Has Phoenix really complimented him so rarely?

“Where’s Pearly?” Trucy asks. Her face falls. “Did she go back home already?”

“She’s staying at the aquarium to help out with Orla, with so many of the staff dragged out to testify and everything.” There she goes again, slotting herself perfectly, naturally, in somewhere, like she’s meant to be there, so that no one even questions letting a strange little faery girl in so far behind the scenes.

The only thing to put him slightly at ease is that she said she would be ready to call in, from the aquarium, through video phone during the trial tomorrow, which holds the implication that she’s not going to spirit Orla off to the Twilight Realm in the middle of the night to keep her safe.

Though she didn’t promise for sure that she wouldn’t, so he should probably call her and extract that promise from her, before he ends up defending in a case of orca larceny.

#roddy fanfics #fic: the witches of los angeles

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eggoreviews · 6 years ago

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E3 2019 Nintendo Direct - BREAKDOWN

Oh wow. That big ol direct sure was something. So now I’m here to break down everything that happened in unnecessary fashion and give my personal reaction to everything that happened with my tried and true Excitement Rater. Want to see my heavily scientific and not at all arbitrary process? Then click down to see the deets.

Before we kick off my (very very scientific) breakdown of this year’s packed direct, I thought I’d briefly go over how I rate things:

A random string of letters/numbers = Immeasurable excitement

YEEHAW BABEY = Big excitement

Heck Yeck = Vague excitement

Yeah! = Not really excited, but still could be good

Sure, why not? = I’m more confused than excited but sure

Oh = The excitement isn’t there

Oh no = Used on the rare occasion I really don’t like what I’ve seen

The Hero from the Dragon Quest series in Smash!

After a brief montage of some games that already came out I guess, the direct jumps straight into an ominous shot of World of Light baddie Dharkon, followed by a seemingly hopeless fight between Link and one very possessed Marth. Then the Luminary turns up gloriously on his horse. With all the leaks that had been flying around for so long, I think pretty much everyone had accepted the presence of Dragon Quest at this point and I was totally stoked when this happened! I love Dragon Quest! And my boi from 11 is here, along with a few other DQ veterans as alt swaps and a pretty awesome looking stage overlooking what seems to be the land of Erdrea and the World Tree. Now to wait until summer and hope the Smash team have some sick ass remixes for us when the time comes!

Excitement Rating: YEEHAW BABEY

Dragon Quest XI S: Echoes of an Elusive Age - Definitive Edition

In a move that makes it a lil obvious that DQ’s Smash addition was more than a little commercially minded (not that I really care I’m still big hyped), a trailer for the expanded edition of the series’ latest installment follows. Seeming as I’ve already played this, I doubt I’ll be picking it up again but I still heartily recommend the game to any JRPG fan. Admittedly, the fact you apparently get to explore worlds from past games is pretty exciting.

ER: Heck Yeck

Luigi’s Mansion 3

In a way I thought was surprising, Nintendo’s first proper focus of Luigi’s Mansion 3 actually took up more time than Animal Crossing, but I guess that’s because it’s further along in development. We now know that the game is set within a haunted hotel and had some new gameplay features shown off, including the various ways Luigi can succ a ghost. Most exciting I think for me was the various multiplayer aspects, such as the local co-op option to play as Gooigi and the seemingly challenge and minigame-based ‘Scarescraper’ which I think incorporates online co-op too. Overall, this is looking to be a creative and well thought out entry in the series and I’m here for it.

ER: Heck Yeck

The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance - Tactics

A licensed tie-in game for a thirty year old film feels a little odd, but I suppose stranger things have happened. This looks to be a sort of top-down tactical thingy involving the various characters from The Dark Crystal and for some reason Netflix is involved, I don’t know, but I guess it could be interesting.

ER: Sure, why not?

The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening

The adorable remake of this classic Game Boy title seems to be coming along great and this direct’s extended trailer gave us a good look at what we’ll be exploring come September 20th. The overhaul Koholint Island has had is phenomenal, giving us designs for Link and various other characters that we’ve never seen before and that makes this remake look especially unique. Another very exciting aspect for me was the dungeon builder that looks like great fun! You collect different dungeon parts as you go and then you can build and explore your own! Am I a goblin child or does that sound like the best thing ever?

ER: YEEHAW BABEY!!

Trials of Mana / Collection of Mana

I’ll admit I’m not really familiar with the Mana series, but from what I was shown in this direct, it looks to be a fairly standard JRPG. That’s definitely not a bad thing, as most JRPGs are amazing, but nothing in this trailer really stood out and came into its own. That being said, the gameplay and graphics look pretty solid and I’m sure the Mana fans have been fairly starved for content for a while so that’s something to look forward to. On top of this remake/new game with the same title as an older game (I really don’t know), the Collection of Mana containing the series’ first three games is being released real soon on the eShop.

ER: Yeah!

The Witcher III: Wild Hunt - Complete Edition

Following a few scattered rumours, we finally have confirmation that a Witcher 3 port is in fact in the works, coming packed with all the game’s DLC. This basically legendary RPG is not one I personally had a great experience with, but I’m sure a lot of people are gonna be happy to play this in handheld. I’d keep expectations tempered however, with the likes of Assassin’s Creed 3 and Saints Row the Third proving that these ports don’t always function brilliantly on this platform.

ER: Yeah!

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Yet another and probably our last Fire Emblem trailer was shown in this direct, giving us a better look at how the story might play out and what our villains are going to be. With most of the gameplay features explored in the previous February direct, it’s good to have a slightly better idea as to what’s actually going on in terms of story and, to me, the results seem pretty damn good. Definitely one to keep an eye on!

ER: Heck Yeck

Resident Evil

In a slightly unnecessarily convoluted advert, we were given a two minute reel of two teenagers playing the original RE in tabletop mode in an abandoned house (??), along with the kind of less than exciting announcement that we’re getting the two weakest entries in the series for Switch, RE 5 and 6. I probably wasn’t the only one who felt a little passive about this whole thing. That being said, definitely not complaining about 1 & 4 being ported over.

ER: Oh

No More Heroes III

After the very slightly disappointing Travis Strikes Again, I really wasn’t expecting them to drop a trailer for the series’ third mainline installment so soon after. What we’ve seen looks pretty much like classic Travis, with a smidge of gameplay seen that looks just a bit more like what we’re used to. Of course, with this being the first reveal, there’s still a lot to find out but this looks very promising.

ER: Heck Yeck

Contra: Rogue Corps / Contra: Anniversary Collection

I’m not gonna pretend to be familiar with the Contra series, but this doesn’t at all look like what I’ve seen in the past. Honestly, this seemingly tactical shooter didn’t elicit much excitement from me and neither did its rushed character drops or its oddly rough textures. I’m unsure of actual fan reactions to this, but in my mind this one kind of sits in the ‘guess this exists’ category. As well as this, we got a shadowdrop for the Contra Anniversary Collection, whereas Rogue Corps comes on September 24th.

ER: Oh

Daemon X Machina

In what seems to be almost a mainstay in Nintendo directs, we’ve got another vague trailer for this mech shooter that finally has a confirmed release date of September 13th. The gameplay looks harmless enough, with the mechs seeming to be a blast to pilot, but beyond that, I can’t really see a lot of substance that would draw me in beyond the cool robots. I’m sure it could be good, but not really one for me.

ER: Yeah!

Panzer Dragoon

I was completely unsure of what this one was, but it looks a bit like a cross between The Last Guardian and those bullet hell sections from Kingdom Hearts 2. They’ve certainly nailed the smooth graphics and the cool looking creatures, but this one is mostly a case of needing to know more.

ER: Yeah!

Pokemon Sword & Shield

This one’s obviously a title so monumental that it consistently needs its own directs, but there wasn’t any *real* news about it in this direct. We were given a brief explanation as to how the Pokeball Plus works in conjunction with the games (something to do with taking your Pokemon for a walk) and the fact that we’ll see more gameplay during Nintendo’s Treehouse streams. Still, excitement remains pretty high for these titles.

ER: Heck Yeck!

Astral Chain

This game, to put it bluntly, looks awesome. The newest Platinum Games IP seems to be set in Blade Runneresque futuristic city with an alien threat and some cool ass looking fighting police people. Our second proper look at this game has cleared up a few murky doubts as to what exactly is supposed to be happening, so now we’ve got a much better idea of what this game is going to be. The story seems pretty full and polished, the gameplay looks like brilliant fun and I’m definitely not mad at the cool monster designs. This is one I’m definitely watching.

ER: Heck Yeck!!!

Empire of Sin

I know very little about what this game is supposed to be, but it looks to be a 40s gangster XCOM, substituting alien fighting marines with gun toting mafia dudes. The trailer went for style over substance, giving us an edgy visual thing of some burning playing cards and broken bottles, but the little gameplay we saw looked decent enough and may just end up injecting more variety into this genre.

ER: Yeah!

Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3: The Black Order

An obvious pick for any Marvel fan, this hack-and-slash is jam packed with various heroes and villains from the comic series’ rich history. Ghost Rider and Elektra were among those revealed to be playable, while the likes of Mysterio, Hela, the Destroyer, Doctor Octopus, Surtur and MODOK are seemingly part of growing cast of villains. Looks like a good bit of fun if nothing else, though the immediate presence of a season pass is a tiny red flag.

ER: Yeah!

Cadence of Hyrule

In an unexpected but greatly welcomed crossover between Nintendo’s RPG titan Zelda series and the indie developed Crypt of the Necrodancer, a new rhythm based dungeon crawler with some brand new Zelda remixes and the presence of Link and Zelda as playable characters. This game’s retro graphics look totally adorable and the addition of the Gohmaracas were a definite highlight.

ER: Heck Yeck!!!!!

Mario & Sonic at the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games

Tell you what, this definitely looks like a Mario and Sonic Olympic Games game. There looks to be a decent amount of variety in terms of what sports are involved and with its online multiplayer, there’s no shortage of vaguely cartoon sportyness to be had with friends both real and virtual. I’d be lying if I said I was totally disinterested because it does look a bit fun, but we all know it won’t be anything groundbreaking.

ER: Yeah!

Animal Crossing: New Horizons

In a fairly drastic formula change, Nintendo have decided to strand us on a desert island rather than move us innocently to another village, but Tom Nook is still here and oh yes he’s coming to collect his bells. From this surprisingly brief trailer, most of Animal Crossing’s core gameplay seems to be intact, with the return of craftable items from Pocket Camp, and the sudden bombshell that the game has been pushed back to March next year. Never going to be a bad thing if the finished product is all the better for it, but I guess that just means more info is to come!

ER: Heck Yeck

Highlight Reel

In what looks like a list of honourable mentions, Nintendo gave us a laundry list of other titles coming to the system:

Spyro Reignited Trilogy is joining Crash on the Switch with his acclaimed remaster trilogy.

Hollow Knight: Silksong, the prequel to the original game, looks just as charmingly dark as its predecessor.

Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch is showing up I guess, but I’ll come out and say I know nothing about it except that it looks cute.

Minecraft Dungeons looks better than it has any right to be and looks a bit like blocky Diablo I guess

The Elder Scrolls: Blades sure exists and I’m unsure of what it’s trying to be, but whatever quells off the need for Elder Scrolls 6 I guess.

My Friend Pedro, another strangely unique title from Devolver Digital, looks like it somehow incorporates banana peels into its combat system.

Doom Eternal looks like Doom always does, but a distinct lack of gameplay may put its dual release with the other consoles into question.

The Sinking City with its Lovecraftian inspiration looks totally brilliant and looks to be a unique experience for sure, so eyes firmly open for this one

Wolfenstein Youngblood definitely looks all Wolfenstein-y, but rumours of Dishonored-like sandbox levels has definitely piqued my interest.

Dead by Daylight still looks unfortunately a bit eh, with its slightly not great graphical quality from what we’ve seen in the trailers.

Alien Isolation was an extremely odd one, but I’m not gonna say no to more good horror content on the console.

Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles seems to be continually delayed, but they’ll probably get round to it eventually.

Dragon Quest Builders 2 looks adorable and I’m very into the idea of Dragon Quest Minecraft, so sign me up.

Stranger Things 3: The Game looks a little more SNES-like in terms of graphics than its 8 Bit mobile predecessor, which is definitely a decent step. An obvious pick for fellow fans of the show.

Just Dance 2020 is definitely a Just Dance game. Yep, sure is. I even checked. And it is.

Catan is a tabletop game of sorts, but I really couldn’t figure out what kind from that few seconds of vague footage.

New Super Lucky’s Tale looks like Bubsy, but actually good and worth real money

Dauntless looks like a bit of a Monster Hunter clone, but you know, doesn’t look terrible.

And lastly, Super Mario Maker 2 was tacked on the end there to remind us all that Nintendo is taking our money in 2 weeks.

Banjo-Kazooie become Smash Ultimate’s 3rd DLC Fighter

Just when we all petering out a little and the hype seemed all but dormant, they go and drop this on us out of nowhere. While I personally don’t have an attachment to the bear and bird, I’m fully aware of their significance and how much they mean to a lot of people out there. And that excitement ended up being contagious, so this fact coupled with a pitch perfect reveal trailer has got me hugely hyped to see these guys join the fight come autumn.

ER: YEEHAW BABEY

Sequel to The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

And now, dear reader, for the reveal that removed my scalp and cut out my eyeballs. At first, I was totally confused as to what this could be. And then I recognised the symbols, and then my perfect lil Hyrule eggs come on the screen and it’s all spooky and there’s dead Ganondorf and I don’t clock the fact that I’ve just screamed out loud. A direct sequel to my absolute favourite game of all time is happening and it’s real and I get to live another adventure in the best game world ever crafted all over again. I think it’s safe to say I have transcended the definition of hype when it comes to this one.

ER: AAA!!! AA!!! GFFGF!!! THIS!!! ZELDA!!!! HGGGG!!!!

So there’s my probably a little stupid breakdown of everything Nintendo bestowed upon us this E3. Guess I’ll jump in after the next direct to give you yet another heavily scientific analysis of its events. Or I’ll babble at you until I start punching the keyboard. Either way, happy trails my dudes. Don’t let the hype bugs bite.

#e3 #e3 2019 #zelda #loz #the legend of zelda #mario #smash #super smash bros #super smash ultimate #astral chain #fire emblem #animal crossing #pokemon #Luigi's Mansion #dragon quest #final fantasy #nintendo #marvel #resident evil

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moczothe1st · 8 years ago

Text

Days of Our Dragon Age: Episode 39: A Love as Deep as a Deep Road

[SCENE: CAMP, at HIGH NOON. It is NIGHT.]

BLAKE: [SADLY] Okay, everyone. We have recruited, to face the infinite hordes of the Darkspawn, a total of ten mages and fifty elves. How many Darkspawn do we have to kill, again?

STEN: You just called them an infinite horde.

BLAKE: I was hoping that I was wrong, dammit.

ALISTAIR: I don’t think you could ever be wrong, my sweet.

LELIANA: Want to get married?

BLAKE: I… wait, Alistair I expected, but Leliana, I thought we broke up, or…

LELIANA: I really liked something you said in the temple, and you gave me a piece of cake. It made us a couple again.

BLAKE: … … … Sure. Anyway, I’m going to come right out and say that maybe we need to improve the size of our forces. We are going to need to bolster our ‘army’ with an actual army. Now, where do you think we should go to seek this? I’m taking votes.

ALISTAIR: Arl Eam-

BLAKE: The Deep Roads it is! Let’s go find some dwarves.

ALISTAIR: [POUTING] You said we were voting.

BLAKE: We did. I just forgot to mention that I’m the only one who gets a vote, because I’m the leader. That’s what we call ‘democracy.’

MORRIGAN: I wish you were a man.

[The GROUP leaves camp, beginning the LONG HIKE to the entrance of ORZAMMAR, legendary city of the DWARVES. They make it THIRTY SECONDS.]

DARKSPAWN EMISSARY: RANDOM ENCOUNTER, BITCHES!

ALISTAIR: Wow, the emissaries really are smarter than normal darksp-

EMISSARY: EMISSARY, ROCKIN’ OUT THE FIREBALLS, YO! I AM THE FIRE OF PERDITION COME TO DEVOUR YOU! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!

[The EMISSARY, being MORE CLEVER than a normal DARKSPAWN, is able to launch a MAGICAL FIREBALL at the group while SIMULTANEOUSLY shredding out a ROCKING GUITAR SOLO. They really ARE quite INTELLIGENT.]

EVERYONE: [IS ON FIRE]

WYNNE: [BEGINS TO GLOW] I was secretly being kept alive by a magical spirit the whole time!

[SPIRIT POWERS, on. ACTIVATE INTERLOCK, dynotherms CONNECTED, Infracells UP, Mega-thrusters are GO.]

BLAKE: … So your dark secret was spirit powers that can enhance you for combat? That was your dark secret?

WYNNE: Alas, for I am an abomination, animated only by a spirit who has chosen to grant me a tenuous grasp on-

BLAKE: Awesome. You’re in the party forever.

WYNNE: You don’t seem to be having the experience of deep religious terror I was expecting from this revelation. I’m dead, you realize.

BLAKE: No, those guys are dead. The creepy veiny faced ones, vaguely spawnlike? On the dark side? You have superpowers. You’re Spirit Woman. I would marry you if you weren’t, you know...

MORRIGAN: Old? Decrepit? Wrinkled like a prune?

BLAKE: … I was going to say ‘grandmotherly,’ I swear. MORRIGAN: Hideous?

BLAKE: Stop helping, please.

MORRIGAN: Ancient and corroded? Willfully ignorant of the world around her in favor of propagating a broken system?

WYNNE: I can’t use my spirit powers very often. You can tell because Morrigan still has a face.

MORRIGAN: Smelling vaguely of mold?

BLAKE: She’s gonna keep doing this for awhile. Let’s just finish walking to Orzammar before we get another random encounter.

MORRIGAN: Oddly dry, as if made of sandpaper?

[SCENE: The FROSTBACK MOUNTAINS, on the trail to ORZAMMAR, realm of the DWARVES. Yes, the REALM OF THE DWARVES is ONE CITY, and it honestly isn’t even a GREAT ONE. There is a lot of MAGMA and the DARKSPAWN are their next-door NEIGHBOR, but the DWARVES remain there because they believe LIVING ABOVE GROUND is INHERENTLY EVIL. Oh, there is TECHNICALLY another CITY but you’ll never GO THERE and it’s PROBABLY WORSE, for all we KNOW.]

THIS is what is known as EXPOSITION intended to make sure that any READERS don’t go into the coming segment with HIGH EXPECTATIONS.]

BLAKE: Okay, so does anyone know where the door is? It seems like they should put up signs.

ALISTAIR: Oh, there’s a sign. Next to those fine gentleman guarding the path.

[There are FIVE INDIVIDUALS on the path. Not ALL of them are GENTLEMEN, and none of them look particularly FINE. Some do NOT HAVE TEETH, and all are carrying some manner of SHARP IMPLEMENT. There are some BLOODSTAINS on the clothing, but that will probably not be IMPORTANT.]

BOUNTY HUNTER: Hey. You Grey Wardens?

BLAKE: … No.

ALISTAIR: Hey, look. That sign says we’re near Orzammar. That’s important for Grey Wardens to visit! Like us!

BOUNTY HUNTER: *smile*

[The group CONTINUES THEIR TREK after wiping all of the BLOOD off of THEMSELVES. It is nearly HALF from other PEOPLE. Thankfully, WYNNE is here and she can RE-ATTACH LELIANA’S LIMBS. It’s not HER FAULT that ARCHERY won’t be good until the DLC.]

BLAKE: So I think we need to make some new rules about Alistair and when he can talk. I nominate ‘never.’

ALISTAIR: You have beautiful eyes.

LELIANA: I’ve always thought so!

ZEVRAN: Mrrrrrrrrrrow.

BLAKE: You know, I hear there’s people out there who really like this much attention. Would it be possible for some of you to go out and latch on to them? I hear that Hawke could really use a friend or two. You guys need more friends, don’t you?

[This is TRUE, but if HAWKE had FRIENDS then they would PROBABLY JUST DIE. Be super blunt with me here, did you really enjoy playing as HAWKE? Did you have a lot of FUN sorting out the MAGE-TEMPLAR CONFLICT? Of course you DIDN’T. Playing as HAWKE was an endless slog of PAIN AND DESPAIR as everything about their life SPIRALLED out of control and they slowly but surely LOST EVERYTHING and UTTERLY FAILED to prevent a WORLD WAR, then the THIRD GAME has some new guy SOLVE THE PROBLEM in like, an HOUR. Then HAWKE makes a CAMEO and has a 50% chance of DYING.]

[Sorry, HAWKE. It’s not your FAULT.]

MORRIGAN: I don’t have friends, myself.

[That pretty much IS her fault, though.]

BLAKE: I believe that is literally true.

[IT IS.]

[SCENE: ORZAMMAR. There is LAVA everywhere, but it is VIDEO GAME LAVA so it only hurts you if you TOUCH IT. The DWARVES are currently having a POLITICAL DEBATE.]

DWARF A: I think Harrowmont sucks and Prince Bhelen should be king!

DWARF B: Well, I think Bhelen sucks and Lord Harrowmont should be king!

DWARF A: *MURDERS DWARF B IN THE STREETS*

BLAKE: Holy crap!

MORRIGAN: Finally, someone with a firm grasp of governance.

[We may need to consider the possibility that MORRIGAN is just an ODDLY TALL DWARF]

DWARF GUARD: Hail, Warden. I understand you’ve come to us seeking our mighty dwarf army to help you face off against the terror of the Darkspawn Blight.

BLAKE: I… yes. Are you going to clean up the corpse, or…

DWARF GUARD: Alas, we cannot command our forces to march without the guidance of our king, and we have none.

BLAKE: There was a murder just now, so…

DWARF GUARD: If you seek the power of the dwarven army, you shall need to chose one of the leading candidates, Prince Bhelen, the sole surviving member of the royal family and you probably just shouldn’t question why that is, or the old king’s friend Lord Harrowmont who seems like a great choice. Yes, he really seems that way. He certainly does seem to be the right choice. Seeeeeeeeeeeems. [WINKS a few times while DISCRETELY POINTING at GAMEFAQS.]

BLAKE: This isn’t going to be any fun, is it?

DWARF GUARD: That’s basically our town motto.

LELIANA: I question if ze dwarf army is even worz it, everyone. Perhaps we should just go focus on ze Arl Eamon and let zem sort zis all out for zemselves.

ALISTAIR: Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss…

STEN: I feel they could not possibly be worse than the elf army, if this helps in making our choice.

MORRIGAN: I want to do whatever Alistair doesn’t want to do.

WYNNE: Now, now, children. We need as many soldiers as we can get to face the Blight. We’ll just have to pick one of the candidates and support his claim to the throne. I’m sure we can use our finely tuned moral compasses to determine which is the correct option. We are, after all, purely noble heroes without any factors that might render our judgments suspect.

MORRIGAN: Aren’t you possessed by an extradimensional entity that could be altering your thoughts in any number of ways, potentially without you even knowing?

WYNNE: Aren’t you overdue to shut up?

[With their COURSE DECIDED, the group decides to interview both CANDIDATES to determine which is the CORRECT MORAL OPTION.]

[SCENE: PRINCE BHELEN’s home, the PALACE.]

BHELEN: Greetings. Welcome to my home, Grey Warden. I am a sleazy amoral murderer that is directly or indirectly responsible for the deaths of my entire family, and I’m going to be asking you to break pretty much every one of the like, six laws that we dwarves even have. Want to be friends?

WYNNE: … … … … … ... …

BLAKE: Whoa. Um. We’ll, uh… we’ll consider it. [WHISPERED] Let’s get the Hell out of here.

[SCENE: LORD HARROWMONT’S estate.]

LORD HARROWMONT: *Pets a puppy* Greetings, my new Warden friends. I am kindly old uncle Harrowmont. Would you like a Werther’s candy?

BLAKE: You seem much nicer than your opposition.

ALISTAIR: *Eats a Werther’s candy*

LELIANA: I feel safe and warm.

HARROWMONT: Why, thank you, children. Yes, I am much nicer than Prince Bhelen. He is cold and cruel, while I am kind and respectful to all those who help me. I certainly SEEM like the correct choice. [PAUSES, and gestures at the player’s INTERNET BROWSER while COUGHING.] That is most definitely how I SEEM. You would definitely THINK that I am the morally obvious correct choice. I SEEM THAT WAY. SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM.

BLAKE: Okay, everyone. We have a choice, here. Who do we want to pick?

BHELEN: *Eats a baby.*

HARROWMONT: *Rocks in his ol’ rocking chair on the front porch, pouring lemonade for all the local kids.*

BLAKE: I think the choice is obvious. So. Bhelen it is, then!

MORRIGAN: You looked that up on the internet.

BLAKE: … … Verily, I knowest not of what thou speakest, fair Morrigan. Internet? Be this some magely conjuring of thine…

MORRIGAN: You did. Don’t even bother pretending we have a fourth wall anymore. You looked up the ending on the internet.

BLAKE: Okay, fine. Look, it’s not my fault. You try avoiding spoilers for an eight year old game, see how well you do.

MORRIGAN: You know, if you already know everything that’s going to happen, I’m not even sure why I’m bothering to keep my dark secret.

[DRAMATIC ORGAN PLAYS]

BLAKE: You know, I legit thought we were done with that gag.

MORRIGAN: Do not change the subject! I’m a major plot character and my arc is crucial to the central twists of the endgame, and you’re just spitting all over that. I thought we had a connection, you know? I thought ‘here is someone as generally unpleasant as me, who hates Alistair, and enjoys power and murder.’ I thought we could be friends, you know? But now I find out you’ve not even the slightest concern for maintaining secrecy regarding story structure, and-

STEN: [Hits MORRIGAN in the back of the head with a ROCK.]

BLAKE: Thanks, man, that was seriously getting awkward. Chicks, am I right?

LELIANA: Is that remark sexist if you are a woman?

BLAKE: I’m choosing to say ‘no.’

SCENE: PRINCE BHELEN’S PALACE OF DESPAIR, int.

BHELEN: Fantastic, I knew you would see reason and choose the obviously correct choice for Orzammar which is foreshadowed believably.

MORRIGAN: I have such a headache. And I have no memory of the last six hours. Why is everyone here so short? It sickens me.

BLAKE: Just ignore her, prince sir. She’s silly.

MORRIGAN: This one sickens me most of all. The eyes of a rat, he has.

BHELEN: I would normally object to that, but I’m going to be sending you to kill the dwarf mafia now, so honestly that’s punishment enough.

BLAKE: … When you say ‘kill the mafia’…

BHELEN: Yes, the whole thing.

DOG: Bark, bark!

BLAKE: I’m not going to translate that because it isn’t fit for polite company, but Dog doesn’t like you any more than Morrigan does.

MORRIGAN: I hate all short people. And farmers. And anyone named ‘Casper.’

BLAKE: Also, Wynne, I think she has a concussion, could you fix that?

WYNNE: Eh.

[SCENE: The hideout of the DWARF MAFIA, int. int. ��It is a CAVE inside a CITY inside a CAVE, so I think it deserves two ‘int.’]

JARVIA: Hello there, Warden. I am Jarvia, head of the Dwarf Mafia, which someone really should have called by its proper name by now, but we won’t. If you know what it is off the top of your head, good job on paying attention. I mean, there won’t be a quiz or anything, but still, good work.

BLAKE: Nothing personal, but I have to stab you a few times because I need an army. And since we’re the heroes and you’re a glorified sneak thief, that’s gonna be fun for everyone.

[BLAKE takes ONE STEP forward.]

SIX THOUSAND TRAPS: [ALL GO OFF AT ONCE]

[SCENE: BHELEN’S PALACE OF ETERNAL DESPAIR, int.]

BHELEN: So how was Jarvia?

BLAKE: [STILL ON FIRE] Fuck you.

BHELEN: Awesome. Now, as it turns out, that was actually a waste of time. We really just need a Paragon to approve me.

ALISTAIR: What’s that?

BHELEN: When a dwarf does something which gives great aid to their people, that they will be remembered by our people forever, they are labeled as a Paragon; a living ancestor… nay, a living god. The word of a Paragon could make a king, for a Paragon is beyond a king. They are beyond us all. The living expression of Dwarfkind’s greatest qualities. And we have discovered one… may still live among us. Paragon Branka, the greatest living dwarf of our time!

ALISTAIR: Ooooooh. What did she do?

BHELEN: She… invented a kind of clean-burning coal.

LELIANA: Zat… is it?

BHELEN: Yup. Canon.

BLAKE: And you made her a god for that?

WYNNE: I try not to judge foreign religions, but my word that seems a bit extreme.

STEN: My religion lobotomizes non-believers who refuse to conform.

WYNNE: … Okay. Well, it’s not as extreme as that.

BHELEN: I said it gave great aid to the dwarf people, not interesting aid. Now go out into the Deep Roads and find Branka. She wandered off a few years ago and it’s a maze of death that spans the entire country, but I’m sure you’ll find her in a few hours.

ALISTAIR: If I could be a paragon, I’d like it to be for inventing a new kind of cheese.

BHELEN: Starting to question my choices in hiring you people, not gonna lie.

[SCENE: The DEEP ROADS. Pretty much all of the DEEP ROADS look the same, so it really could be ANYWHERE IN THEM.]

BLAKE: I feel like we’re missing something…

MORRIGAN: A map?

STEN: A guide?

ALISTAIR: You look great in that outfit.

LELIANA: Oui, mon cherie.

BLAKE: … … … … Okay, this isn’t the time and you creep me out a little, but it’s so hot when you speak Orlesian to me, baby.

ALISTAIR: Thank you! I don’t even realize when I’m doing it, apparently.

BLAKE: [SOBS for a bit.]

THE SMELL OF WHISKEY GIVEN FORM: Heya. You guys all ran out inta the Deep Roads and forgot to talk to me.

BLAKE: Oh, who the Hell are you now? And you had better not be a party member because I have quite enough of those.

A BEARD ATTACHED TO A KEG: Oh, I’m a party member. I’m the best party member. I’m here to get drunk, sexually harass everyone, and smell weird. I’m so goddamn manly you could use my blood ta give women sex changes.

ALISTAIR: Sexually harass everyone? I thought that was Zevran’s job.

ZEVRAN: It isn’t sexual harassment if they love it, baby.

LIKE A DWARF, ONLY MORE ALCOHOLIC: And they never love it with me. I confuse and terrify people. I. Am. OGHREN.

[THE LIGHT OF HEAVEN shines down, illuminating OGHREN, the party member you will LAUGH AT THE MOST. MAYBE. If you like DRUNK DWARVES.]

BLAKE: So… um… nice to meet you?

OGHREN: Nice tits, babe.

BLAKE: … I’mma kill him.

OGHREN: Wasn’t talking to you. I meant the one with no shirt.

MORRIGAN: … I’mma kill him.

OGHREN: The Ogh-man’s still got it.

ALISTAIR: By ‘it’, do you mean, ‘the ability to make women furious?’

OGHREN: Why do you think Branka ran out into the middle of the monster-infested death caverns with her entire family? She was married to me.

WYNNE: Ah. Ah. Okay, I would have left society forever if you were my husband, I have to admit.

LELIANA: I would have left society twice. Once for ze personality, and once for ze smell.

BLAKE: And her ex-girlfriend is a sociopathic murderer, so if even she finds you repulsive, you know you’re repulsive.

LELIANA: How long are you going to ‘ang zat over my ‘ead? Honestly, you date one sociopazic murderer, an’ everyone judges vous forever.

OGHREN: I think I’m gonna like hanging out with you people. You’re the same kind of chaotic mess I am, only sober.

BLAKE: I never said you could join us.

[OGHREN has joined the PARTY.]

BLAKE: Oh, right, I forgot. I have no control over my own life.

ALISTAIR: I think that’s your best quality.

LELIANA: After your wonderful hair.

MORRIGAN: I don’t know if I’d call it a quality, but it certainly makes my job a lot easier. [PAUSES] Not that I have a specific goal in the group or anything.

OGHREN: Does anyone have some beer?

[SCENE: The DEEP ROADS. Only EVEN DEEPER.]

OGHREN: Now, Branka took our entire clan and left me, and only me, behind, so I’ve been working on a way to find her so we can be a couple again.

LELIANA: You didn’t take zis abandonment as a hint regarding her feelings for you? You must learn to recognize your love’s moods, you know.

BLAKE: That’s rich, coming from you.

ALISTAIR: Yeah, Leliana! You really need to learn to take a hint when Blake just isn’t interested.

BLAKE: [QUIET SOBS]

ALISTAIR: Now look, you made her cry.

OGHREN: Whoa. I knocked back a literal gallon of vodka before I found you guys, and somehow I’m not the dumbest one in the party. Anyone think that’s a little weird?

STEN: If you remain in the group for long enough, you learn to not notice it. It is like a poison which causes numbness before it inevitably kills us.

OGHREN: Neat, that’s what I drink on Thursdays, ta get me ready for the hard stuff on Friday night. Anyhoo, I know that Branka started off by going to the legendary Ortan Thaig, which is dwarven for ‘hideous poison spider ghost hellhole.’

WYNNE: Such a beautiful language.

BLAKE: Okay, that doesn’t sound particularly nice, but if a whole army of dwarves already marched through it, I suspect we’ll be fine. I mean, they had to have already killed most of the monsters and-

[A SPIDER the size of a MINIVAN falls from the ceiling and tackles BLAKE to the ground, savaging her face with its POISON FANGS.]

CORRUPTED SPIDER QUEEN: Hssssssssssss!*

[*TRANSLATED FROM SPIDERESE: My favorite food, people who wander too close to annoying boss fights!]

BLAKE: KILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLITKILLIT-

WYNNE: [Releases the long-suffering SIGH of one who is never going to have an HOUR OF FREE TIME for the rest of her LIFE.]

[SCENE: The DEEP ROADS. STILL.]

BLAKE: *Twitches*

ALISTAIR: Erm… honey? Are you-

BLAKE: THERE WAS A SPIDER ON MY FACE. IT WAS LARGER THAN AVERAGE.

ALISTAIR: I’ll, erm, give you some time alone.

BLAKE: I CUT OFF ITS HEAD. I SHALL WEAR IT AS A HAT NOW, TO OVERCOME PERSONAL TRAUMA AND BE A BETTER PERSON.

LELIANA: *whispered* B-but she doesn’t have the….

WYNNE: I don’t think you should mention that to her. This is my professional opinion as a psychiatrist.

ZEVRAN: Are you a psychiatrist?

WYNNE: I don’t really need to be to analyze this one.

ZEVRAN: Fair.

OGHREN: Look on the bright side! I think we’re pretty much past the worst part of the Deep Roads. Smooth sailin’ from here, until we find Branka and everything’s great.

[The group turns a CORNER, to find the corridors are suddenly lined with a layer of DISGUSTING FLESH that PULSATES WITH INNER CORRUPTION. It smells of ROTTING MEAT and drips VILE OOZE that steams in the DIM LIGHT of torches that use the FAT of SENTIENT BEINGS as their UNHOLY FUEL. In a ravine below, a HORDE OF DARKSPAWN march toward the SURFACE, bringing with them DISEASE, WAR, AND DEATH. The ARCHDEMON, a dragon of unstoppable power warped by BLIGHT into a TWISTED WINGED NIGHTMARE flies overhead, BLACK FLAME flickering around its RAZOR-EDGED MAW.]

[SCENE: The Dead Trenches.]

OGHREN: See? It must be a nice place. All those guys like it, an’ they can’t all be wrong.

EVERYONE ELSE: [SILENCE]

OGHREN: *belches*

BLAKE: All right, I’m feeling better about spiders, because I have this deep-seated fear popping up that something way worse is about to happen. Anyone else getting the feeling something way worse is about to happen?

ZEVRAN: I genuinely wonder if it could get worse than what we have already seen.

[HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, wow. Oh, wow, it CAN. Like, holy crap. I can’t even.]

OGHREN: Does anyone have a sandwich? I’ve been hammering down vodka for like six hours. I could use a snack.

ZEVRAN: You genuinely worry me.

[SCENE: DEEPER in the DEAD TRENCHES which are DEEP in the DEEP ROADS, DEEP. DEEP.]

BLAKE: All right, I think at this point our best option is to not do anything, ever, for any reason. Any door we open will have something awful behind it, so we just won’t open any doors.

ZEVRAN: What if need to open a door to keep going?

BLAKE: Then we stand next to it until we die of old age. Because we can never, ever, open it. Because what’s behind it will be terrible. Look at this place. Everything about it is terrible. Everything we find will be terrible. Everything. Is. Terrible.

ALISTAIR: Honey, you’ve had a bad day, and you have some spider venom in your brain. You’re not thinking clearly. Surely not every path can lead to something awful!

[ALISTAIR opens the first DOOR he finds. Behind is an ANCIENT DARKSPAWN FORGE, surrounded by a small ARMY of the BLOODTHIRSTY BEASTS, at the head a HIDEOUSLY WIZENED and yet TERRIFYINGLY MUSCLED ancient beast, a LEGENDARY BLADE snapped off in its hide from one of many HEROES who have FALLEN BEFORE IT.]

[ALISTAIR closes the DOOR.]

ALISTAIR: Admittedly a bad example.

ZEVRAN: So cute, yet so dumb.

ALISTAIR: What?

ZEVRAN: What?

LELIANA: Let us try zis door!

[LELIANA opens another door. Behind is it is an ANCIENT CRYPT, carved from OBSIDIAN and swirling with the SOULS OF THE DAMNED. The GHOSTS of FALLEN DWARVES, their DARK AURA repelling even the DARKSPAWN, patrol their crypt, ready to SLAUGHTER ANY LIVING THING.]

[LELIANA closes the DOOR.]

BLAKE: ‘Cute but dumb’ is a recurring theme around here, eh?

LELIANA: You realize zat I know you are insulting me?

BLAKE: It’s okay, you’ll forgive me when I give you a present and say you have nice hair.

LELIANA: I cannot argue with zis.

MORRIGAN: This is amusing. Can I open a door next?

BLAKE: No!

[MORRIGAN does not LISTEN. Behind the door is a DWARVEN WOMAN; her eyes are coated in CATARACTS and EMPTY of all HOPE, her clothes torn, her skin COATED in FILTH and hideous BLACK LESIONS, as if she was ROTTING FROM WITHIN. Under her breath, she repeats a terrifying rhyme about the HORRIBLE DEATHS of all her friends and loved ones.]

MORRIGAN: Ooooh, this is the most fascinating door yet.

BLAKE: … … … What is wrong with you.

HORRIFYING DWARF WOMAN: [I… will refrain from repeating the POEM here because if you ever played the GAME, you have heard it for years in your NIGHTMARES. Suffice to say: NEVER EVER BE CAUGHT BY DARKSPAWN.]

OGHREN: Hespith? Damn, you’ve… looked better.

HESPITH: I have been systematically tortured and fed the bloody flesh of my kinsmen for days on end.

OGHREN: Maybe need a bath or somethin’.

HESPITH: Life is over. There is no hope. I seek only oblivion now.

OGHREN: I… shit, does anyone have a beer or somethin’ for her? I drank all mine on the way here to prep me for drinking when we get home to celebrate saving Branka and the clan.

HESPITH: She betrayed us, feeding her entire clan to the Darkspawn. The men are dead. The women are worst. I am the only survivor… … … no. No, I did not survive. My heart still beats, but I am dead. Branka is dead, for there is nothing inside her now but madness and obsession. House Branka is dead.

OGHREN: Erm… I’m still okay?

HESPITH: [SQUINTS] … Oh sweet ancestors, it’s Oghren. I thought I was hallucinating, but the smell of it is worse even than this pit of horrors. Like rotting cheese and a skunk had a baby.

OGHREN: Nice to see you too. How ya doin’?

HESPITH: I thought I was in Hell before, but fate cannot help but drag me that tiny bit lower.

OGHREN: Yeah, running out of beer will do that. So, uh, how is Branka doing? I mean, other than… leaving you to die.

HESPITH: You are familiar with the Anvil of the Void? The legendary tool that allows dwarves to create golems?

OGHREN: I am, and not just because you summarized it right there.

BLAKE: Thanks for doing that, by the way.

HESPITH: You’re welcome. Well, in any case, Branka quite wants it. And she decided everyone else in the world was holding her back.

OGHREN: Even me?

HESPITH: Especially you. Also, I’ve been sleeping with her. For years. Before, during, and after your marriage. You are a cuckold.

OGHREN: … … ... Why would you mention that?

HESPITH: It is literally the only small joy I have left in my existence.

BLAKE: I wish I had met you earlier. I think you and I would have gotten along before you were like… mentally and physically destroyed.

ALISTAIR: She’s right, you know. Oghren does smell like skunk cheese.

LELIANA: I vould have zaid ‘badger garbage,’ but I accept many viewpoints.

MORRIGAN: Truly, dwarfland is a wonderful place. I may retire here one day, when my plans have come to fruition. [PAUSE] Not that I have any plans.

[NOT seeing any real evidence against that ‘TALL DWARF’ theory. If she starts MINING we can pretty much CONFIRM it.]

HESPITH: Well. You people certainly are… special. Let me tell you a fun secret. The way out of the Dead Trenches to where Branka has gone is through the door down this hallway. Have fun.

BLAKE: Is the secret really fun?

HESPITH: [RESUMES saying her CREEPY RHYME.]

BLAKE: Okay, I’m choosing to stay optimistic about the secret. We don’t know for sure it won’t be fun.

[SCENE: Through the DOOR, in a room that looks like the WOMB in which is gestating the baby of SATAN and HITLER.]

BROODMOTHER, HIDEOUSLY BLOATED, PALLID, DEFORMED TENTACLE BEAST FROM THE PITS OF HELL: Hrrrrrrrsssssssss!

BLAKE: WHY DOES IT HAVE BOOBS?!

ALISTAIR: I’M NOT HAVING FUN!

LELIANA: OH GOD THE SMELL IS SO AWFUL I CAN FEEL IT IN MY MOUTH!

ZEVRAN: THE VERY CONCEPT OF SEX HAS BECOME DISGUSTING TO ME!

MORRIGAN: Ooooh, fascinating.

STEN: If you ever wondered why I don’t talk much? This would be why. Moments like this.

DOG: Bark, bark!

STEN: You’re the only one of these people I can respect.

BROODMOTHER, THE NIGHTMARE OF SIGMUND FREUD AFTER A WEEK-LONG TRIP THROUGH THE PORN DISTRICTS OF JAPAN: [GIVES birth to a THOUSAND ANGRY YOUNG, who charge at the party, screaming and coated in VILE BLACK OOZE.]

BLAKE: [Throws up.]

OGHREN: Either I’m drunk, or that lady just spat a buncha darkspawn out of her-

BLAKE: YOU’RE DRUNK AND THAT HAPPENED.

OHGREN: Damn. That’s like, 50% bad.

WYNNE: [Just SIGHS and starts casting the HEALING SPELLS. ALISTAIR is already being CHEWED ON.]

[SCENE: Still in the DEEP ROADS, and interlocking WEB of tunnels that nonetheless still only have ONE ROUTE to FOLLOW.]

BLAKE: [CLEANING something off her FACE that one probably shouldn’t THINK ABOUT too hard.] All right. All right. All right. We are sure the thing is dead, yes? We are sure? Because we’ll have to come back this way and I wanna know. I never, ever want to see another of those again. Ever.

[Hahaha… yeah, ABOUT THAT.]

BLAKE: You stay out of this. Sten, did you perform the operation?

STEN: [Holds up BROODMOTHER’S disgusting head.] I’m not sure why I’m the one who has to carry this.

BLAKE: Because you’re the biggest. You have the most meat to get through if it comes alive and starts trying to eat people.

STEN: I have grown to hate you.

BLAKE: Don’t be uncool about this, Sten. I’ll reward you. Two extra portions of gruel for you at the camp this evening.

ALISTAIR: We have other food, you know. You don’t have to feed us gruel all the time.

BLAKE: And you don’t have to talk, but that’s never stopped you.

MORRIGAN: [SIGHS WISTFULLY.] Have I ever told you that I’d ride you like a stallion if you were a guy?

BLAKE: You have, and it never stops being off-putting.

MORRIGAN: You know it, tiger.

BLAKE: You know, the only reason I’m even still sane is that we have just been through a ridiculous mess that was longer than the stupid elf forest and the stupid wizard tower combined. So I know we’re done. Okay? This has to be the end.

[Because BLAKE still has not learned to TEMPT FATE for some reason, a DWARF appears on the rocky cliffs above them, looking down, even as a huge metal gate SLAMS SHUT behind the party.]

CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS: Done? Fools! You have an entire dungeon left, bwahahahahahahaha!

OGHREN: Honey bear!

WACK-A-DOODLE DANDY: Eh? Who are you?

OGHREN: It’s me! Oghren!

ONE PICKAXE SHORT OF A DWARF MINE: Who?

OGHREN: … Your husband? You… we were married for years?

LOONEY TUNES, WELCOME TO THE SPACE JAM: Gonna have to be more specific. I used to have a lot of relatives, before I fed them all to the darkspawn to further my insane goals. They all kind of blend together in the razor-filled soup that is my mind. [PAUSES.] Bwahahahahahahaha!

OGHREN: *sigh* Everyone, this is Branka.

BLAKE: [BLINKS a few times.] So, hey, Leliana, you may have just graduated to having the second-worst ex out of anyone in the party. Congrats.

LELIANA: Ze trick is to shine by comparison.

BRANKA: None may shine but Branka! Am I not the greatest of all dwarves? Did I not come up with the brilliant plan to find the Anvil of the Void by opening the door and letting infinite darkspawn funnel in until the traps in front of it just stop working from getting too much blood in them? Did I not abandon all of my friends and family to a fate worse than death, letting them be defiled and mutated into hideous bloated monsters, in order to ensure this supply?

[SILENCE.]

BLAKE: I… um… holy shit, did you?

BRANKA: I did!

BLAKE: Sweet Andraste’s ass. Leliana, the ambiguity is gone. You win. You win forever. I miss Marjolaine. I would pay literal money to have Marjolaine standing here in front of us right now.

LELIANA: [Grins SMUGLY.]

STEN: I do believe we have met a leader worse than our own. I had considered this to be nearly impossible. But the world is a strange and many-faceted place, full of new experiences and diverse peoples. [PAUSE.] I look forward to the day my people conquer and destroy it all.

BLAKE: Hey. Eat a dick, buddy.

STEN: I am not hungry.

BRANKA: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You’ll need to find your way through all the traps and reach the Anvil of the Void to escape this terrible dungeon, you fools! [PAUSE] BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

MORRIGAN: I actually forgot she was here. Do you suppose we should proceed forward? I should like to have this Anvil for my own use, of course, but honestly more than anything I suspect we’ll need to kill that one at the end of this whole mess, and I deeply wish to.

OGHREN: We’re not killing her, crazy-tits! She’s my wife!

MORRIGAN: You saying that only makes me want to kill her more.

WYNNE: Sweet Andraste, I think I actually semi-agree with Morrigan.

MORRIGAN: That’s weird.

BRANKA: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

MORRIGAN: Though also, in this one case, understandable.

BLAKE: Wow. I… this might be the first time we’ve all agreed on something. Branka is annoying enough to kill. Unanimous vote?

OGHREN: I said no!

BLAKE: Unanimous it is.

[SCENE: A cave that looks pretty much like EVERY cave. The DEEP ROADS are so INTERESTING.]

BLAKE: All right. She said there would be traps, so we can assume things are going to be troublesome here.

LELIANA: But my love, we ‘ave me ‘ere to disarm all ze traps we might see.

BLAKE: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Y-you’re gonna disarm the trapsHAHAHAHAHAHA!

LELIANA: Zis makes you happy, I see.

BLAKE: [WIPES AWAY a tear of mirth.] S-sure. That’s why I was laughing. I can’t think of any other reason I might be laughing. It’s not as though every single trap we’ve ever encountered in this entire game has exploded in our faces because you don’t notice them until we’re already standing in them half the time. I’d never think such things.

LELIANA: I know vous would not. Now, as my approval has hit ze high 70’s and we ‘ave done my sidequest, let us make passionate love when next we return to camp.

BLAKE: … … … Sometimes you people being dumbasses works out for me.

ALISTAIR: I love you too, dear.

[BLAKE reaches out and pushes ALISTAIR one step FORWARD, setting off a HORRIBLE TRAP.]

LELIANA: [OBSERVING THIS] Trap, right ahead!

[The HALLWAY fills with POISONOUS GAS, causing ALISTAIR to fall to his knees and begin CHOKING to DEATH. Even as this occurs, GOLEMS wake up on either side of the HALLWAY, preparing to PULVERIZE him.]

MORRIGAN: ‘Tis like every birthday present my mother never bothered to give me because birthdays are for the weak, delivered to me all at once.

WYNNE: [NARROWS EYES.] You people just delight in making my job harder, don’t you? You kill Alistair all you want, and then I have to heal him. You think that’s easy? Or fun? I would like to have time to read a nice book from time to time, not just put everyone’s kidneys back in their bodies.

ALISTAIR: Sweet Andraste my kidneys! They’re out of my body, because of the golems!

WYNNE: You’re being quite inconvenient, young man!

[SCENE: The NEXT HALLWAY.]

BLAKE: Okay. Everyone, this hallways seems much nicer than the first one. I suspect it to be a, you know, breather after the first hallway. I think that one of you should get to lead the way, and really enjoy it.

STEN: I can see the golems standing there. On the sides.

BLAKE: No, you don’t.

STEN: Yes, I do. I see them.

BLAKE: They might not be golems. They might just be statues.

STEN: They look exactly like the other golems, from the first hallway. Whoever goes first will clearly be beaten horribly by them.

BLAKE: We don’t know that. And I think it’s worth sending in Oghren in first to check.

STEN: Oh. I didn’t realize you were building to that. Yes, then, I agree.

OGHREN: The hell, you guys?!

DOG: Woof, woof!

OGHREN: Thank you.

BLAKE: He was actually saying that your smell sickens him and he hopes your death removes it from the world.

OGHREN: … Yer dog’s a jerk.

BLAKE: [Reaches out a HAND, and shoves OGHREN one step FORWARD.]

[NOTHING happens.]

OGHREN: … … Huh. Maybe this hallway actually was a breather. I mean, nothing seems to be…

[GIANT RAZOR-EDGED BUZZSAWS erupt from the floor and ceiling, burying OGHREN in a STORM of BLADES.]

MORRIGAN: Whoever designed this place has a very interesting sense of humor. I wonder if they design swamp cottages? I really was looking to trade up.

BLAKE: On the plus side, the golems don’t seem to have woken… oh, never mind, there they do.

OGHREN: Oh ancestors, my kidneys!

LELIANA: Trap, right ahead!

[SCENE: The FINAL puzzle room. It is a large, open chamber, with a large FOUR-FACED STATUE in the middle surrounded by ANVILS.]

BLAKE: Okay, so this chamber is probably the breather one. Zevran, you go first!

ZEVRAN: I thought you liked me.

BLAKE: I’m running low on sacrificial lambs.

ZEVRAN: Send Morrigan!

BLAKE: She’s scarier than you.

MORRIGAN: It’s true!

ZEVRAN: [Sighs DEEPLY and steps FORWARD.]

STATUE: [Comes ALIVE and begins spawning an ARMY OF GHOSTS.]

ZEVRAN: Oh, that isn’t so bad. At least no poison gas or razor blades hit me.

ALISTAIR: Screw you.

OGHREN: Seriously.

[What FOLLOWS is what is known in video-game parlance as a PUZZLE BOSS. In this particular case, the HEROES must destroy the GHOSTS, which causes an ANVIL to activate. Then you ACTIVATE the anvil to attack the MAIN STATUE. This sounds kind of INTERESTING.]

[It is NOT.]

ZEVRAN: *Yawn*

MORRIGAN: Oh my non-existent Maker, these things are so tedious. We’ve turned on these damnable anvils five times already and it’s just won’t end.

BLAKE: I think it’s just three more, guys. Come on, this is clearly meant to be the puzzle that makes people stop coming for the Anvil of the Void because they get bored and go grab lunch instead. We just have to power through it.

WYNNE: I could do without the statue shooting just enough damage to be annoying but not enough to kill anyone.

BLAKE: We could all do without that, Wynne, but you don’t see us whining about it.

LELIANA: Vould anyone like to take a break for lunch? We ‘ave been in ze Deep Roads for a long time, and zis stupid boss…

BLAKE: No! Look, we have to be near the end. I know it’s tedious, but we gotta get this done, and then we go back to the surface and never, ever come back.

ALISTAIR: Who would possibly be cruel enough to design this place?

[SCENE: BIOWARE OFFICES.]

PROGRAMMER: Hey, Bob. We have all the major quests for Dragon Age: Origins ready except the two you were supposed to design. Do you happen to have them set?

RAOUL: [Twists his SINISTER MOUSTACHE while looking with GLEE at the completed maps for the DEEP ROADS and the CIRCLE TOWER. They take up his ENTIRE DESK and most of the one NEXT to it.] Yes… yesssssssssssss…. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

PROGRAMMER: You’ve been weird ever since you grew that moustache, Bob.

[SCENE: The ANVIL OF THE VOID. The great device itself gleams with flame; and who can say whether this is the POWER within it, or merely the UNTOLD MAJESTY of the lava fields it OVERLOOKS? Standing before it is the most ORNATE and POWERFUL of all golems, forged not from STONE but from interlocking, rune-covered STEEL PLATES. It gives off an aura of quiet power and DIGNITY.]

BLAKE: You can go to Hell and die, jackass.

GOLEM: … Excuse me?

BLAKE: Oh. OH! I’m sorry. I thought you were going to be another goddamn boss fight. Just that we’ve gone through like six at this point.

GOLEM: Oh. Right, you must be the ones I heard fighting the four-faced statue. Did you have fun?

BLAKE: …

MORRIGAN: I’m going to kill it and make a cooking pot of its skull.

ZEVRAN: I shall cook delightful Antivan dishes in it.

DOG: Bark, bark.

BLAKE: You don’t want to know what he said. And now, let’s all kill this thing.

GOLEM: Wait, wait. I would like to offer you an alternative path. You see, I may look like a giant metal golem, but I am actually Caridin, the original creator of this mighty anvil you see before you.

BLAKE: Huh. Interesting. I’m sorry I called you a thing, then. Kill this guy, everyone.

CARIDIN: Would you please stop.

BLAKE: Sorry, I’m in a bad mood. I’ll allow you to talk.

MORRIGAN: But my cooking pot!

BLAKE: I will buy you a cooking pot.

MORRIGAN: You never let me have anything I want.

BLAKE: We would get you things that you want, but you always want evil! Caridin, just ignore her, she’s the evil one.

CARIDIN: I’m actually getting the impression most of you are pretty evil.

BLAKE: Leliana and Wynne are nice.

ALISTAIR: What about me?

BLAKE: You don’t count, because to be ‘good’ you have to be smart enough to have some general idea of what is going on around you in the universe. Much like a goldfish isn’t good or evil, you aren’t.

ALISTAIR: I love you too, dear.

CARIDIN: … Sure. Anyway, what I was going to say here, is that you should actually destroy this Anvil. Because you see, Golems are people.

BLAKE: Oh. Um. I should probably mention we killed like twelve on our way here.

CARIDIN: I… oh, shit. Was one of those Jeff? Because Jeff owed me twenty silver.

ALISTAIR: How would we know?

CARIDIN: He was made of stone.

LELIANA: Zat narrows it down very little. Also, how are ze golems made of ze people? I ‘ave seen zem, and zey are in fact made of ze stone, or in vous case ze metal.

CARIDIN: … What even is your accent?

BLAKE: Hey! We’ve already been over that. It doesn’t need to make sense. Tell us the story of your stupid past and don’t lead us off on any tangents, or we’ll be on it for another damn hour.

ALISTAIR: Hey, have you guys ever thought about pudding?

BLAKE: NO TANGENTS.

CARIDIN: Well. The way I discovered to make golems was to shove a person into a giant rock suit, and then pour molten hot magic rocks on them. But it wasn’t until they made me a golem that I realized: this was bad.

BLAKE: ……………….

LELIANA: ………………….

WYNNE: ………………….

MORRIGAN: I don’t see the issue.

BLAKE: Morrigan! Stop helping!

WYNNE: You truly didn’t see the issue with pouring molten rock on your people, sir golem-dwarf?

CARIDIN: Well, they were poor.

MORRIGAN: Makes perfect sense to me!

ZEVRAN: You terrify me. And I am an assassin.

STEN: In my country, we would have cut his eyes out and sewn his mouth shut.

ZEVRAN: Erm… as punishment for… mutilating thousands of his own people?

STEN: No, we just do that to anyone who uses magic. As is right and proper.

ZEVRAN: I… am an assassin. And I am not the scariest person on this team. I… how did this happen? I mean, I still have my position as the sexy one, but still.

BLAKE: Oh, whatever. You know what? I don’t even care. Let’s just break this thing and go home, it’s not like we actually like Bhelen. No need for another stupid boss fight.

BRANKA: DID SOMEONE ORDER ANOTHER STUPID BOSS FIGHT?!

BLAKE: [Kind of TWITCHES.]

[SCENE: ORZAMMAR, about a MONTH LATER. The team WANDERS into the CITY, because to WALK into a city you need to have some DIGNITY REMAINING. NOBODY looks very HAPPY, nobody is TALKING, and BLAKE still has a bit of BRANKA on her.]

OGHREN: …. Did ya really have to cut off her…

BLAKE: I SWEAR I WILL EAT YOUR HEART.

STEN: She may in fact do it. Her mind is unstable. [PAUSES] More than the rest of you, I mean.

LELIANA: Oh, and you are ze paragon of sanity?

STEN: I am a member of a fanatical expansionist brainwashing cult. [PAUSES] So yes.

WYNNE: I miss my demon-infested tower.

OGHREN: But now, seriously, you cut off her-

BLAKE: HSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

[SCENE: Inside the DWARVEN ASSEMBLY HALL.]

BHELEN: I should be king!

HARROWMONT: Nuh-uh!

BHELEN: Uh-huh!

DWARVEN POLITICIAN: Sweet ancestors, the chance to see such wondrous political masters at work is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

DWARVEN POLITICIAN 2: The pinnacle of dwarven culture, we see before us.

BHELEN: You smell!

HARROWMONT: Your mom smells!

[The AIR grows COLD. BLAKE enters. Nobody seems HAPPY TO SEE HER.]

BLAKE: Everyone. Shut up. Bhelen, you are king now. Paragon said so. And if anyone questions it, I will gut everyone in this room.

HARROWMONT: Which para-

[SCENE: BHELEN’s THRONE ROOM.]

BHELEN: I can’t believe she cut off all their-

OGHREN: Shit, quiet, she’s waking up, don’t let her hear you say that.

BLAKE: Uuuuugh… my head hurts…

MORRIGAN: [With one BLACK EYE, and walking on CRUTCHES.] Oh, yes, once again the real problem is how uncomfortable you are. Bitch.

ALISTAIR: Are you okay, my little rose blossom? I’m afraid you had a… tiny episode.

WYNNE: The Dwarves no longer have a senate. I’m not sure that’s tiny.

LELIANA: She was not foaming at ze mouth like after ze mage tower, that’s a step in ze right direction.

ZEVRAN: I have to guess the new king won’t be happy, though…

BHELEN: Actually, I was probably going to have them all killed and blame it on foreigners eventually. Now I don’t have to put in the effort, so hey, win-win.

BLAKE: … … … I think I have dwarf blood in my mouth.

STEN: There was some biting. It was quite efficient. I assume you learned it from your exceptional dog.

DOG: Bark, bark!

STEN: You remain the only one of this group I respect.

BLAKE: I… ugh. You know what, screw it. Things ended well…

WYNNE: Not for the dwarves you bit to death!

BLAKE: Not counting them. And Bhelen will give me his army now. Won’t he?

BHELEN: Of course. The dwarves always stand ready to face our ancient foes, the Darkspawn, be it beneath the ground or above it. I shall give you the sum total of my military force, the mightiest army on Thedas. I shall give you an overwhelming horde of professional killers, each one weaned on the blood of their foes. I shall give you… [PAUSE for DRAMATIC EFFECT]… fifty soldiers!

[BLAKE takes this information IN.]

[SCENE: The ROYAL PALACE in DENERIM]

LOGHAIN: So my daughter, the queen? She was asking if I had her husband killed to take his throne and now I’m locking her in the palace so she can’t run the country without me.

TIM CURRY: Oh shit, what did you tell her?

LOGHAIN: I kind of coughed and pretended I didn’t hear her. I mean, how do you reply to that?

TIM CURRY: We should kill her.

LOGHAIN: I… what? No. She’s my daughter, you asshole. We’re not killing her.

TIM CURRY: I’d kill her if she was my daughter. Watch, let me get my daughter.

LOGHAIN: No! Dude, nobody’s daughter is getting killed. We’ll just keep her locked up until I defeat everyone who thinks I shouldn’t be running the country, then kill all the Grey Wardens, then defeat the infinite horde of monsters. It’s all just tactics, really. Then she can have her country back.

TIM CURRY: I’ll get a knife.

LOGHAIN: Stop that. Seriously, I’m really questioning why I let you in on this conspira-

[An ear-splitting SHRIEK, like a TORTURED CAT being STEPPED ON by an ELEPHANT with a FOOT INFECTION that is being RIDDEN by an easily started OPERA SINGER, rings through the PALACE. No, the WORLD. Carried by the endless chasms of the DEEP ROADS, it ECHOES into ETERNITY, bringing with it a WAVE of almost PALPABLE FRUSTRATION that makes everyone who hears it feel SLIGHTLY WORSE about the way their LIFE has been going so far.]

LOGHAIN: …

TIM CURRY: …

LOGHAIN: You know, I got the strangest feeling that was like, exactly fifty dwarves worth of rage. Don’t ask me why. Weird, right?

TIM CURRY: So… um… wanna sell some city elves into slavery to pay for our war?

LOGHAIN: Do I ever!

#Dragon Age: Origins #Fanfic #My Writing #days of our dragon age

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adashofstarshine · 8 years ago

Text

FE: Fates Revelation Review

It’s time for another review! I’ve been stuck at home full of pain and illness for the last four days, so I spent a lot of that time playing FE: Revelation. So whilst I may have blanked a few levels, I have finished the game! I’m probably going to play it again with a male Corrin, I did Conquest with both Corrins so will likely do the same again.

So, in the style of my Conquest review, I will splitting this into Gameplay and Story. I will also be trying to come up with as many positive comments as I can negative ones. Also if I praised/complained about it in the Conquest review, and it’s remained the same, I likely won’t bother mentioning it again unless something was especially wonderful or irksome in this playthrough.

I think I will also be making some other sort of musing posts, some of which are currently half-done in my drafts.

There will be spoilers below. With that in mind onto:

Gameplay

Positives

I enjoyed the game. I think I should probably state that first. I enjoyed playing the game, when playing Conquest I admit I realised how much I missed playing FE games. It’s harder to pick it apart when you’re actually playing it, which helps.

I liked the endgame. It wasn’t the most difficult FE final boss. (That award still goes to Ashera.) However the three stages to the fight (the third I didn’t expect) and the danger of the very high level reinforcements were a good challenge. There was a lot of desperate healing up of units on the first two stages. On the third Leo just tanked it. He and Cactus took apart from the eye orb together.

Anankos’ design. I’ve never seen a dragon that looks like that before, well mostly the whole orb, eyes, mouth situation he’s got going there. A good mix of draconic and eldritch. It did lead me to some questions as to whether Anankos is actually a dragon. We know he can control the dead so maybe he’s that orb, and the dragon is a reanimated husk he lives in? Maybe he’s a demon of some kind that wanted to be a god? Nice ideas, but ultimately pointless.

Continued good level design. I said this before but I think this might be the game’s greatest strength. I was sad the opera house got destroyed but I liked the warpy and shifting platform levels in Valla. Also the lift level with Hoshido Dad.

Accessories. I didn’t bother with them before but with the sheer amount of stuff collected in this playthrough I amused myself but giving people silly hats. Sakura got a regal feather. Leo ended up with a nice bow on his head. I think Oboro got a mask when I got her and never took it off.

Negatives

Needs more Master Seals. I complained about the lack of auto-promotion last time but it was a bigger problem in Revelation with a bigger army. Everyone was getting used in paralogues and challenges for the sake of producing children, so a lot more people were promoting. There just weren’t the master seals or the money available.

Kitting out an Army, I didn’t have the money to kit out that many people. I actually used the extra eshop funds left over from getting the game to get the Ghostly Gold DLC

I do not need to see Cactus’ knickers. I actually only noticed how bad it was until the final cutscene with Azura when I realised she was showing a lot from behind. I could ramble on about the ladies outfits for days but I’m sure someone else has already done that.

Omega Yato looked awful. Fiery chainsaw blade? You might as well have made it the Flaming Raging Poisonous Sword of Doom. Also why is it called the Omega Yato when we’ve been told it’s called the Fire Emblem.

Beach Brawl is hard. Not an overall flaw with the game but I’m trying to get Leo to sit on a beach and I can’t do it.

Story

Positives

Forrest and Midori. (And Kana if I had bothered) I like those three children. I can’t remember the others very well.

Hoshido and Nohr sibling interactions. My favourite supports in this game are between siblings and some of the Nohr-Hoshido royalty reactions too. Expect some on my list of best supports.

I came for the Nohr siblings, I stayed for the Nohr siblings. And there was more of them. That’s a positive. The cutscene where Garon is maniacally laughing, Leo is concerned and Xander is sure Garon is fine was certainly memorable.

Shooting Iago with two ballistae. Subaki on one, Niles on the other, pew pew. I think Cactus finished him off though.

Bridge-jumping. I found it very funny when Xander (I think) asked what they were supposed to do now and I knew the answer was ‘jump off this bridge’.

Negatives

The revelation came too soon. The game being called Revelation I felt the Revelation itself would be something built up to (though you could call the other two entire games that.) Or there could have been multiple big revelations. The Revelation itself just didn’t feel grand enough to be worth an entire title. I mean, we knew Anankos existed already and that he was a dragon so it didn’t come from nowhere.

Corrin is boring. Out of all the characters I was the least interested in Corrin. I felt that all the siblings, especially the Nohr ones, could have had a lot of very interesting story-telling around them. However the story had to focus around Corrin who just felt generic and bland by the end. Better at the start when they were choosing their own path but once everyone agreed with them they became very generic.

Was I supposed to be able to save Scarlet? Genuine question. I think Kaze dies if you don’t A support him in Birthright but that hasn’t been a problem for me.

Too many people to care about them. This wasn’t a problem in FE10 because your giant army divided up into smaller armies so you more of, and cared more, for your individual units. Out of all the children, only Forrest actually saw a battle and the Nohr retainers who arrived too late to be useful saw none.

How did they get back from space? It probably wasn’t space but how did they get back from the boss fight place which appeared to be floating in a starry magical place.

Boring or nonsensical S supports. I’ll do a post on which supports I like most, few of them will be S supports. By nonsensical I mean the confession didn’t seem to make logical sense, and seemed very tacked on. Also there was a lot of “I can’t wait to get to know you after we marry”... Shouldn’t you do that first?

Sudden ultimate Yato. I thought Corrin would get an upgraded Yato each time they bonded with a special-weapon wielding sibling but no, it happened all at once in a way that felt a bit cheap.

Undervalued Princesses. Not only did they not get special weapons but I feel Camilla and Hinoka got very hard done by. Especially Hinoka who I thought was quite cool but she didn’t do much of anything.

Yeah my ability to focus has just wandered off, so if I have any more points I’ll do review number two after or during playthrough number two. Cactus’ spiritual successor needs an equally ridiculous name. Suggestions welcome. Or feel free to comment on what I’ve said, I like chatting about these things! (May be slow with replies because I’m ill but I’ve very enthusiastic regardless.)

#Dash plays FE:Revelation

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entergamingxp · 5 years ago

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Inside gaming’s least safe safe rooms • Eurogamer.net

Via Facebook group chat, I’m speaking with Suguru Murakoshi and Hiroko Usuda from the now-defunct Team Silent. We’re talking about their time working on Silent Hill 4: The Room as director and designer, respectively – diving into the creation of Room 302, the apartment that kicks off the story and remains ever-present in the narrative.

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR SILENT HILL 4, DOOM ETERNAL, DEATH STRANDING, WARHAMMER END TIMES – VERMINTIDE, FATAL FRAME 3: THE TORMENTED, AND AMNESIA: THE DARK DESCENT.

It’s the only save point in the game, naturally turning it into a safe room. Over time, however, this initial promise of safety is broken by a series of increasingly dangerous hauntings, turning your home into an unfamiliar and hostile space.

“The concept of Silent Hill 4 was clear from the early stages of development – the fear of eroding the safest places,” director Murakoshi tells me. “Three teams came up with a plan, and the concept of a room was chosen because it was the scariest of them. Since then, rooms have always been at the core.”

Room 302 is terryfying from the off because it doesn’t let you unlock the door from the inside. But at least the room is presented as your sanctuary. It’s only halfway into the story that things change. Looking back, Usuda considers this a “contrasting expression”.

Silent Hill 4’s Room 302.

Safe rooms have long been present in video games. Survival horror has treated them as a tradition over the years, offering players a shelter to save their progress, resupply, and regain their breath. They are great motivators to continue venturing further in Resident Evil games despite the unforeseen horrors waiting on the other side of the door. Iterations on this idea can be seen in other genres as well, present in the likes of Dark Souls’ bonfires, Darkest Dungeon’s camps, and many others. Although the purpose of each safe room may differ, the expectation from players is the safe room is, in fact, safe. But some developers have subverted this expectation, finding a new way to expose horror in previously guarded spaces.

We all broke a sweat after hearing the news Nemesis was now able to break into safe rooms in the Resident Evil 3 remake. The news turned out to be untrue, thankfully, but other video games are not so reserved. Unsafe rooms, as I like to call them, have slowly emerged throughout the years. Illusions manifest themselves as psychological torments in Death Stranding’s private rooms. Doom Eternal’s hub area, being the most recent example, suffers an unexpected attack at one point during the story. “This stronghold will now serve as your prison,” speaks the voice of Khan Maykr, now infiltrated into your navigation system. Demons quickly reveal themselves to be lurking in the shadows, ready to attack.

Doom Eternal’s safe room goes from this…

To this.

These moments can leave a long-lasting impression on players, but timing is everything when it comes to surprising them. Warhammer: End Times – Vermintide’s The Red Moon Inn was created as an interactive space in which players could spend time in-between missions. Over time, the inn became a community hub, and studio Fatshark added special events and interactive elements to capitalise on this.

Fatshark unexpectedly threw all that out of the window via a free DLC mission in which the hub is overrun by Skaven. “We had a door to the cellar from the launch of Vermintide, and the community speculated about what was behind it,” producer Mrten Stormdal tells me over email. “We wanted to create an element of surprise, and the players’ interest made it more fun for us as developers to come up with the story.”

This sudden outburst had a positive reception from the community, which Stormdal remembers fondly. “Watching streamers playing through it for the first time was priceless, they never knew what hit them. This is probably partly because it took so long before we did it. It needs to be introduced very carefully, and very scarcely, since it is supposed to be a safe room first and foremost.”

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Videocult co-creator and composer James Therrien argues for and against adding these events into safe rooms, both from a developer and player perspective, based upon the news around Nemesis allegedly infiltrating them. “For me, it depends on the game’s intention. For a dynamic, unfair game like Rain World I believe it could fit well if done smartly, as with horror games where an encroachment of the in-game narrative into the ‘safe space’ of the UI can be used for solid and terrifying dramatic effect,” he explains.

“But that’s me speaking as a creator, enthusiastic to use and subvert whatever tools are available [for] me to convey emotion and narrative to my audience. As a player, I would absolutely throw my controller and complain on Twitter if I had just completed some long game passage and then died unexpectedly, when my heretofore established ‘safe space’ suddenly isn’t and I have to start the section all over again!”

In the early iterations of Rain World, a survival game in which you play a nomadic slugcat who must hunt enough food to survive, hibernation dens were planned on being fewer in numbers and larger in size, leading players to make them their home for some time, bringing supplies and resources. But as the world grew bigger, the idea of counting with just a few central safe nodes became impractical. You can still store food and items in the final dens, but it’s more of a hidden mechanic than an overt one.

If you end up hibernating while lacking the proper amount of resources, however, the process will carry on as usual, but not without consequences. You are unable to save your game until you rest in a new shelter with enough food, and the slugcat will look thinner and weigh less during the so-called starvation mode. Midway through development, the studio had the idea of letting creatures invade these dens, forcing the player to find a new one.

“We allowed for that behavior to take place in the game’s architecture, but then in testing it became a nightmare, they liked the dens too much!” Therrien says. “Eventually we had to hack it a number of ways to prevent hostile creatures from entering dens, as often the game would save that state and then a player’s save file might be ruined by them waking up with a hungry lizard… permanently! Even the layers of hacks we put in are not always successful, and a player will have to deal with an irate scavenger or lizard roommate. But it’s worth it because players can also intentionally hibernate with tamed or befriended creatures, which adds so much to the game.”

Rain World.

Silent Hill 4’s Room 302 isn’t the only famous unsafe room. The mansion in Fatal Frame 3: The Tormented also serves as a shelter for most of your time in the game, since it’s only when you dream that ethereal beings manifest themselves in the Manor of Sleep. But over time that protection begins to fall apart as paranormal presences bleed into reality. Looking over your shoulder becomes mandatory.

Fatal Frame 3: The Tormented.

Another known example is the Back Hall from Amnesia: The Dark Descent. After escaping the archive tunnels and witnessing first hand some of the horrors that await Daniel in the story, you find yourself in a big, surprisingly illuminated room. There’s an eerie fountain in its centre that doesn’t give much confidence, but it’s the soothing music (the track is fittingly called ‘Safe Ambient’) and the sudden change of environment that provide a feeling that wasn’t in any of the rooms before it.

Such feeling is later swept away by the presence of The Shadow, an invisible enemy who is constantly chasing Daniel around the manor and its whereabouts. The water in the fountain turns red and organic residue invades the hall completely. Another safe space mutates into anything but.

“A core element of the game is being hunted by this vast horror that destroys everything in its past,” creative director and Frictional Games co-founder Thomas Grip tells me. “So we wanted to make sure the environments had this sense of changing as this threat grew. Players were unlikely to revisit many of the levels, so the hub levels felt like the right place to do this.

“We didn’t want players to become too used to the environments, as that kills that sense of uncertainty you want in a horror game. You get good horror when people look around and don’t know what they might find. If players feel their surroundings are very stable and familiar, you won’t have that. So, the trick is to always keep changing.”

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

Looking back, Silent Hill 4’s use of room 302 as the only recurrent save point was a gamble in terms of player exhaustion. “At the time, I didn’t intend to put save points outside the room,” Murakoshi continues. “However, it’s insanely inconceivable in recent games. 2004 was different from the current game situation. [Taking it into consideration], I think it was not balanced, but for me the difficulty before returning to the save point was not so high.” He adds that in today’s context, Silent Hill 4 would need to be more kind towards the player, but most of the choices made back in the early 2000s would remain, such as expressing a normal daily life on the outside as much as possible, granting the illusion that one day you might resume your routine with the others.

This included the neighbors occasionally appearing in the door’s fisheye, along with everything you could see from the room’s window. (Usuda based the window on Alfred Hitchcock’s Rear Window.) I also asked Murakoshi if the shifting house from Kojima Productions’ horror tease P.T. could be considered a safe room, which he immediately denied, recalling the initial sense of shelter in room 302: “That house is not safe. It doesn’t have any elements to give you a sense of security.”

Gloomwood’s developer Dillon Rogers has been documenting these spaces on Twitter for almost two years now, and argues disrupting a safe room doesn’t involve just timing, but also the consideration of what comes next, based on the effect it has on the player. Knowing that a safe room no longer holds its initial purpose can be good tension in its own right, but periods of time dedicated to allowing players to let down their guard are equally important to prevent exhaustion.

Room 302. Silent Hill 4: The Room. (Team Silent, 2004) pic.twitter.com/1OLZTPUEiX

— The Safe Room (@TheSaferooms) May 9, 2018

In his game, phonographs serve as the typewriter equivalent, and players can tell when one is nearby because the devices play music. Depending on the difficulty, wax cylinders also need to be used to save their current progress. As of now, Rogers doesn’t want to reveal if the game ever disrupts its rules, which is probably for the better. “You have to be quite careful about breaking the sanctity of the safe room as once that bell has been rung, you can’t unring it,” he tells me.

The first memory he has about a traditional safe room being broken comes from the original Resident Evil 2. There’s one moment in the utility building behind the police station where two zombies attack during one of the series’ iconic door opening sequences, which were only supposed to be a stylish way of presenting loading screen transitions between rooms up to that point.

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“I don’t think that moment would have worked as well if the original Resident Evil hadn’t built up a full game’s worth of expectations,” Rogers says. “The player entered the sequel knowing the original game always assumed the door sequences and safe rooms were off-limits, and when the game broke both rules at once – it was frightening.”

Now that’s a contrasting expression.

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/04/inside-gamings-least-safe-safe-rooms-%e2%80%a2-eurogamer-net/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=inside-gamings-least-safe-safe-rooms-%25e2%2580%25a2-eurogamer-net

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star674gaming-blog · 7 years ago

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recentanimenews · 7 years ago

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Crunchyroll Favorites 2017: Video Games

What a wild year it's been for gaming. Nintendo has thrown down the gauntlet with the Switch and its unbelievable roster of exclusives but they're far from the only company mixing things up and putting out some astounding exclusives. Following Part One about our favorite anime and manga, Part Two will cover our favorite video games from the plethora of hit releases in 2017!

PETER FOBIAN (@PeterFobian)

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild: The obvious choice (get used to seeing it on this list). Breath of the Wild probably impressed me more than any other game this year, taking Zelda and the open world platform to new heights in the most clever, brave way imaginable. This game lets you do whatever you want, giving you access to an immense number of tools to drive you to solve problems in ways the designers probably never thought of. Or, at least, you might believe they hadn’t if the world wasn’t brimming with small interactions we’re still discovering to this day. Even the story is a clever take on the usual defeating Ganon formula. I felt Nintendo was slipping during the Wii U days but they easily dominated this years releases.

NieR: Automata: Or, at least, I say that, but now I’m gonna talk about a bunch of PS4 titles. NieR was quite the narrative journey and did some immensely cool things with its story you could only see in a video game, replaying the same events from different perspectives then building upon them into brand new arcs. The game had its aesthetic sense on lock, complete with one of the best soundtracks I’ve ever heard. The glimmer of hope residing at the end of such an oppressively sad world was a tremendous conclusion. I just wish there had been more. There are elements in the game where I feel Yoko Taro teasing DLC content that he knew would never come. That asshole.

Horizon Zero Dawn: Another open-world game that was willing to invest in its setting. The world of HZD is awesome, aesthetically, functionally, and narratively. It also feels complete. Rather than the usual fetch quests you can expect in this sort of title, every mission has its own story and serves to expand your understanding of the various cultures of the world. The main plot is a wonderful dive into the history that brought this world about featuring a partnership of convenience between two characters whose arguments I could listen to for hours. The relationship between Aloy and Sylens is fantastic. The gameplay is fantastic. The world is fantastic.

Nioh: This game got a lot of flak out of the gate for being a Souls-like but it’s risen to that challenge and done some great things all its own with a deeper combat system featuring a variety of stances, combos, tools and unlockable techniques. The aesthetic is also spot on and, while it doesn’t have the same cinematic approach, delivers a cool environment with enemies just as frustratingly hard. If I have one complaint, it’s that the game went for a more numbers-heavy approach featuring RNG drops and complex crafting system that kept me in menus while I’d rather be exploring. All-in-all the game felt great to play and never felt like it was slowing down. You could even collect pokemon!

ECHO: I feel like I’ve been waiting for the release announcement for this game for an eternity since I first played a demo at PAX two years ago. This game touches on all my favorite aesthetic hallmarks, taking place in a nightmarish superstructure that is equal parts Giger and Blame!, alternating between immaculate palaces and criss crossing walkways over a dark abyss. The story is a particularly satisfying space opera and includes a unique gameplay mechanic controlling the enemy AI that feeds right into the horror of the setting. It’s a horrifically beautiful achievement and a MUST. PLAY.

Persona 5: My first experience with the Persona series has been memorable and I definitely now understand the obsessive following these games have earned. P5 has a crazy awesome sense of style and a great cast of characters with individual stories that build up to some seriously anime cathartic moments. Pretty much every characters unmasking was a memorable highlight and synced up nicely with the games through line of defying oppressive authority. I wish they’d gone a bit further, done a few things better, and loosed up a but on what players can do in the game. All the same I’ll be right there with everyone else in 2117 when Persona 6 comes out.

Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice: I love this game not only for what it is but what it represents. Long time fan of Ninja Theory and this game makes me a diehard. Hellblade's aim to release an “independent AAA game” is just what the industry needs right now with franchises and studios falling victim to microtransaction based monetization and getting gutted by major publishers. I hope to see a ton more of these in the year to come. The game itself was well-worth the price tag, a fascinating descent into hell that had a few clever tricks and an interesting representation of auditory hallucination that added to the atmosphere. More of this, more Ninja Theory.

Guilty Gear Xrd 2: Everyone has their fighting game and mine is Guilty Gear. The franchise went through a notable low point releasing Guilty Gear Xrd without Baiken, but thankfully ArkSys recovered and is back with part 2 and the good content. They’ve tightened some of the bolts from the previous releases along with character specific changes. I’m loving the new kits on all my main. ArkSys’s 3D/2D style continues to set the visual standard for 2D fighters. The only thing I’m not crazy about is Millia’s hat. If they add ABA then this will truly be the perfect game.

Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus: Although I’d never played Wolfenstein before this year, I was understandably attracted to the marketing efforts of Bethesda to promote this title. I was wholly unprepared for the over-the-top narrative experience it provided, coming closer to Saints Row levels of ludicrous plot twists and characterization without compromising it’s blood-in-the-dirt aesthetic. The writing walks a razor's edge between horrific and hilarious while fearlessly drawing similarities between the Wolfenstein world and modern day America. It’s wild that Blazkowicz feels so real, even melancholic, with everything that surrounds him.

Uncharted 4: The Lost Legacy DLC: Lost Legacy solved what was incontrovertibly the biggest problem with Uncharted 4. No Chloe. It pulled one better by bringing back the best new character from the main title, Nadine in an unexpected partnership that worked better than I could have imagined. Rather than a fun side mission, Naughty Dog spent a lot of time using past events to build a compelling narrative around both characters and their unlikely partnership with all the same cinematic highlights as the main title. It wasn’t quite the unforgettable experience as Uncharted 4, but it was quality DLC that barely exists in a industry chopping up IPs to sell them in pieces.

RENE KAYSER (@kayserlein)

Persona 5: There are three titles that I carry as the triumvirate of “Games that changed me in who I am”. One of these three is Persona 4 which helped me get through the worst part of my youth. And while never got tired of Atlus’ spin-offs of that title like some people did, I certainly was hyped for the new entry in the series. It didn’t quite hit the mark for me that 3 and 4 did but it gave me an absolutely fantastic 99 hours of thievery and intrigue. I just wish they’d given us more Social Events to hang out with the entire group …

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NieR: Automata: It’s quite something to not only get one but two sequels to life-changing games in a single year (Number Three in my triumvirate is Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII which introduced me to Japanese games in general). The original Nier broadened the horizon of what you can do with videogame storytelling for young 16-year-old me and while Automata didn’t hit me that hard, it still managed to let me reflect a lot on my actions as a gamer (I still feel bad for getting *that* trophy). I just hope that Square remasters the first game one day so I can reunite with its characters once more.

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild: No franchise in the world means as much to me as Zelda. I went through every single entry (not counting the CDI ones - I’m no maniac!) and know almost every dungeon by heart. BOTW has recaptured that old magic of (re-)conquering an entire kingdom and sucked a whopping 120 hours out of me before I knew it. It may have certain weaknesses (mainly in the story department) but that doesn’t take away from the utter magnificence Nintendo has gifted us with. I only wish they’d tell us something definite about its timeline placement (My money’s on the Convergence theory).

Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony: Kazutaka Kodaka is a goddamn genius. He, Kotaro Uchikoshi and Ryukishi07 are probably some of my favorite writers ever and in the newest entry of his murdery series, he once again presents us with this unique mix of comedy and horror only he can concoct. Its second and third case slow the game down a bit but the final two will turn anyone’s brain upside down and put it through the blender in a way you’ll never forgot. To write anything more, would delve into spoilers but if you haven’t gotten into this franchise until now, you’re definitely missing out!

Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus: I have a long-standing love for fictional (!) nazis. Part of it is certainly due to the gruesome part of German history which lets you easily villainize them without any need for characterization but also a remaining excitement of of the forbidden (all nazi content is stripped out in the German version of the franchise, so I have to resort to imports). Shooting nazis itself would be fun enough but Machine Games’ reboot trilogy somehow still gives it one of the best and most moving video game narratives in years which leaves me yearning for its final chapter. The cherry on top of the already delicious cake is the German dialogue which was voiced by fantastic German actors (who were sadly replaced by less fitting ones in the local version) which enhances the atmosphere tremendously by not copping out with using American actors with a funny accent and no actual dialogue like every other game with nazis. Even if you’re not into shooters, you should give the Wolfenstein reboot a try - it might really surprise you with its story.

Super Mario Odyssey: Here I go thinking that Nintendo just put out something that they can hardly match again for at least half a decade … and they do it within the same year! BOTW was already great but Mario Odyssey cemented 2017 as the year Nintendo returned to form. Not since Mario 64 did it bring me this much fun to play as our favorite plumber (though he did quit that job) and I find it highly possible that his newest game might even go down in history as being superior to his first 3D outing.

The Nintendo Switch and basically everything on it: This list of mine already carries two Switch games on it - but I could easily put down everything else on the system. While its portability might seem like a gimmick to outsiders, it opens up every system you play on it incredibly. Even if you’re mostly at home and work from there (like me), the comfort to pick it up and play another 30 minutes in bed before you’re sleeping adds so much to the experience that I can hardly put it into words. Skyrim, Doom, Xenoblade, Stardew Valley, Splatoon 2, Resident Evil - the list goes on and on and each week I’m overwhelmed by new announcements of both indie games I’ve been meaning to check out for a long time but also ports of bigger titles on this hardware. Not since my PS One have I been so in love with a system itself and with how things are going, the Switch might easily become my favorite gaming console ever created.

KARA DENNISON (@rubycosmos)

Resident Evil VII: This game messed me up something fierce -- in all the best ways, of course. I can understand why opinion is divided in some cases, but it’s so atmospheric and so entrenched in its own lore that it’s just fascinating to get lost in. And I love a game that blurs the line between gameplay and cutscenes to the point that you’re not even sure what’s under your control anymore. That’s some good horror.

Doki Doki Literature Club: The first release from indie studio Team Salvato, an OEL dating sim with a poetry-driven storyline. And -- funny story -- it just magically appeared in my Steam gifts. I still don’t know who sent it to me. But whoever it was, I owe them big thanks because it was just the kind of VN I love. The art is absolutely gorgeous, and it’s got a great story you’ll want to explore multiple times. High points of the game: hanging out with Sayori, a long weekend with Yuri, and finally getting some time alone with club president Monika!

Fate/Grand Order (US release): Of course this was going to make my list: I can build an army of nothing but different female King Arthurs. The story is entertaining for history and folklore buffs, and it’s also a great (read: inescapable) entry point to the Fate franchise.

NICK CREAMER (@b0bduh)

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild: From the first moments I started playing Breath of the Wild, I realized this game signaled the end of one era and the beginning of another. Through its gorgeous world, incredibly rewarding base gameplay, and infinite secrets to discover, Breath of the Wild redefines what we can expect from open world games, solving the issue of vast yet unsatisfying worlds in one definitive strike. I can only hope that future games steal as much as they can from Breath of the Wild’s bountiful innovations.

Nioh: Nioh’s appeal is pretty simple: place the satisfying, skill-intensive combat of a Dark Souls-style game in the circular loot-grind context of a Diablo-like, speed everything up by about thirty percent, and let it fly. The end result is likely the most successful riff yet on the Souls/Bloodborne subgenre, a game that can happily stand beside its spiritual inspiration.

Nier: Automata: Automata is undoubtedly the messiest game on this list, containing a vast number of minor gameplay failings and larger issues of overarching pacing and structure. And yet, no other game I played this year can match Automata’s narrative ambitions, or its soaring dramatic heights. Automata brings you to your lowest possible point in order to drive home that even at the end of everything, hope survives. Technical issues aside, a message told this creatively and well deserves all the accolades it can get.

Persona 5: Persona 5 was also messy in a variety of ways, like its occasionally unsatisfying dungeons, and especially its frustratingly conditional perspective on society’s “outsiders.” But from its endlessly endearing cast to its utterly best-in-class art design, Persona 5 also offers a vast array of astonishing strengths. I’ll still be thinking fondly of my time with the Phantom Thieves for a long time to come.

Resident Evil VII: Sometimes saving a franchise means going back to the drawing board. So it was with Resident Evil VII, which ditched all the bloated excess of the franchise’s recent entries in order to zero in on the fundamentals of horror: intimacy, isolation, implication, and, uh, insects. Lots of gross insects. Vast segments of Resident Evil VII play out as a horror experience so tightly composed that it really feels like you’re trapped in a beloved horror movie. It’s like twelve straight hours of opening a door that you really, really, really don’t want to open.

THOMAS ZOTH (@ABCBTom)

NieR: Automata: Nier: Automata isn’t my favorite Yoko Taro game, but it’s the one that has established him as a creative voice and given him the tools and funding to keep delivering punishing Drakengard games for me, so I am beyond thrilled by its reception. Taro is truly a gaming auteur who enjoys playing with the expectations about what videogames must do and must be, frustrating and infuriating players with his obtuse cruelty and making them love him for it. Once you’ve finished Automata, play Drakengard 3 and the original Nier as well.

Xenoblade Chronicles 2: Xenoblade sneaks in just under the line, and I haven’t made it very far, but both Xenoblade and Xenoblade X were my favorite games of their respective years, so it’s safe to say I will love this one all the way through. Not as big a fan of this game’s more kawaii artstyle, but the story is still willing to go unexpected places and allow you to explore gigantic, overwhelming worlds. Plus, the game’s awful map system is getting a patch so I have no real complaints. Xenoblade is my favorite modern RPG series and one that’s not to be missed.

Super Mario Odyssey: A game that feels like the direct sequel to Mario 64, allowing for the feeling of exploration Sunshine and Galaxy lost. I love the possession mechanic, I love the bizarre uncanny valley situations where Mario interacts with humans, and I love New Donk City’s Festival. I’ve cooled on Mario platformers a lot in recent years but this reminded me why I spent so much time collecting 120 stars in Mario 64.

Persona 5: I know all of the problems with Persona 5, gameplay-wise, narrative-wise, and character-wise, and I agree with all of it. The game is massively flawed, and could have been so much better. AND YET… AND YET the fundamentals of Persona 5 are so strong that even with this burden it’s still one of my favorite games of the year. The gang of misfits that made up the Phantom Thieves are my family and the music is divine. I hope the game spawns all of the 100 spinoff cash-ins that Persona 4 did, because I will probably get them all.

The Legeond of Zelda: Breath of the Wild: I hate open world games, because they always present a procedurally generated landscape of vacant mountains and palette swapped ninjas. You are free to go anywhere, but there is nothing to do. Until Breath of the Wild, that is, which has a marvelous curated world made with the help of the wizards at Monolith Soft. The game has three problems. When it rains, you can’t climb. Running depletes stamina, making it hard to fast travel. There are horses, but riding a horse is pointless, because you have to leave it behind to go exploring. That’s it: Everything else is perfect. Play it.

JOSEPH LUSTER (@Moldilox)

Super Mario Odyssey: Odyssey is the ultimate fulfillment of the promise Super Mario 64 made over 20 years ago. As much as I loved the Galaxy games, Nintendo went even further on Switch, providing the ideal playground for Mario and his absurdly athletic abilities. Taking control of enemies is always a pleasure, and I still haven’t uncovered half of what’s hidden within Odyssey’s jam-packed worlds.

NieR: Automata: Yoko Taro is a genius, and NieR: Automata deserves all the success and acclaim it has received since launch. There may be moments where some things don’t click just right—including the fairly repetitive combat and some dull locales—but the whole is so delightful that it’s tough to really care about those faults. The immense soundtrack is icing on this introspective, humanity-questioning cake.

Resident Evil VII: The latest entry in Capcom’s storied franchise is a return to form in many ways. Despite the perspective switch and an ever-so-slightly more grounded setup, things get buckwild pretty fast. Throw in classically stupid objectives like finding three dog heads to open an old rural house’s door and you have exactly what I want from survival horror.

Nioh: Team Ninja is back! Nioh gave me the first good taste of their sweet, sweet take on action games since Ninja Gaiden II, all with a heaping helping of FromSoftware inspiration on top. Nioh is much more complex than it appears on its surface, so even the most dedicated of players should have their hands full unraveling the various systems and making them work in each increasingly challenging scenario.

Horizon Zero Dawn: Guerrilla Games’ PS4 hit is hands-down the most gorgeous game I played all year. While the main story is worth pursuing, the thrill of the hunt is at the core of Horizon Zero Dawn. It’s always exciting, and occasionally frustrating, to run into a mechanical beast you have no hope of toppling… only to emerge triumphant! Those moments never get old, and the variety of locations makes this one the poster child for Photo Mode.

ISAAC AKERS (@iblessall)

Atelier Firis: The Alchemist and the Mysterious Journey: My pick for game of the year isn’t one of the big JRPG titles, but the second in a trio of understated games from Gust commemorating the Atelier series’ 20th anniversary. I was inspired to pick up the game thanks to a beautiful article written by a friend of mind, and I was delighted to find one of the most expansive, relaxing, engaging, and rewarding game worlds I’ve ever experienced. Firis isn’t the flashiest game of the year, but the way it allows you to just sink into its comfortable rhythms astounded me.

NieR: Automata: I’ve got my reservations about Automata as a story, but one thing I can give it uninhibited praise for is its ability to create vivid experiential pockets within its world. Automata is not just rich in its colorful conceptualization of its world, but also in ideas, and the blend of themes, incredible music, beautiful locals, and its tendency to bat for the emotional stands resulted in some moments that stand out as truly stunning amongst my gaming experiences of the year. The ability to create those moments, whether they last a few seconds or a few minutes, ought not to be overlooked amongst Automata’s other strengths and flaws.

Uta Macross: To balance out my unusual engagement with actual console games, I must of course return to the place I spend most of my gaming time: mobage (which I found out this year is pronounced “mo-ba-ge” and not “mob-age”). A Macross rhythm game has been a wish near to my heart for years, and with the 35th anniversary providing a clear justification for it, it finally happened. At last, I can tap my phone screen to the rhythm of “Ikenai Borderline,” “POWER TO THE DREAM,” and “Universal Bunny.” It actually wound up being a little less exciting than expected since I already listen to Macross music constantly, but a long-standing wish fulfilled is nothing to sneeze at.

Tokyo 7th Sisters: On the other side of the spectrum is a mobile game I’ve been playing for longer than I can remember – Tokyo 7th Sisters. Although I played quite a bit during the year (it was my game of choice in my hotel room during long work trips), the most rewarding part of being a fan of the game came with a wholesale update of the whole thing, from the actual rhythm game to the way gacha points are handled. All those changes have gotten me back into the game in a big way, and excited for what mobage BS the game will give me in 2018.

CALLUM MAY (@CanipaShow)

Persona 5: In 2014, I bought a custom t-shirt based on the original teaser trailer of Persona 5. It had 4 chairs on it with balls and chain attached to the legs and one white chair in the middle. It was a bit of cool symbolism for the game’s eventual themes and I was so impatient that I didn’t want to wait for the official merchandise, I wanted to make my own. When the game was released in 2017, that t-shirt had faded beyond recognition and is now just a red t-shirt with a white chair on it. Everything I love about Persona 5 has probably already been written above, but despite how many times the game was delayed and despite how much that shirt faded, it still became my favourite game ever.

Danganronpa V3: Never have I wanted a game creator to kick me in the shins more than Kazutaka Kodaka. He wouldn’t do it upon prompt, instead he’d kick me down at the most ironic and heartbreaking of times. He never does anything in halves. It’s always better, crazier and more dramatic than ever. I often promise to myself that I will pace things out, that I will try to balance work and playing through the trials of Danganronpa. But in the end, I always end up engrossed in an ever expanding spiral of mystery that delights, confuses and surprises me, sometimes even up to the early hours of the morning.

Xenoblade Chronicles 2: I’ve steadily been warming to the Xenoblade Chronicles combat and world design over the past two entries, but Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is the first time I’ve felt like I really need to see this through to the end. With a large, but manageable diverse world set atop titans wading through a sea of clouds, Xenoblade Chronicles 2 exists and strives with its own set of distinctive rules. The sea is made of clouds, the cloud level rises and dips because the Titans are always moving and if you’re a main character, your outfit is ridiculous. All very important rules that Xenoblade Chronicles 2 sticks to. Existing as a more streamlined version of previous iterations, Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is a brilliant adventure that succeeds more than it fails at keeping you on track.

NATASHA H (@illegenes)

NieR: Automata: What to say about a game where already so much has been said? Nier: Gestalt was one of my favorite games of all time, so I had big expectations for the sequel, and it easily surpassed them. Haunting, nihilistic, melancholic, and searingly human, Nier: Automata encompasses so much of what I love in a good post-apocalyptic story about androids and robots. And yet it’s so much more than that, constantly evolving on nearly every structural level possible and delivering an emotionally exhausting but satisfying game about empathy, violence, and what it means to be human. Aided by a stunning soundtrack, beautiful visuals, and fantastic voice acting, this game will hold a special place in my heart for years to come.

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild: I’ve always liked Zelda games, but BOTW surpassed all of my expectations for what the game could be like. Rarely has a game felt like it was tailored for me while also respecting me. The amount of things there are to explore, to experiment with, and to interact with are beyond me, and yet, 70 hours in, I feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface. The game invites curiosity in ways I’ve never seen, and I’ve got plans that may take up months, if not even years, of gameplay. There is something so delicately beautiful in Breath of the Wild - a world worth exploring and saving, and I can assuredly say that it’s my favorite game of the year (if not many years) alongside NieR: Automata.

Final Fantasy XV: I wasn’t sure what to expect of a game that’s been in developmental hell for almost a decade - at one point I was fairly convinced it was never going to happen. But happen it did, and while Final Fantasy XV is filled with flaws, technical and story-wise, it also has some of the most emotionally intense highs I’ve seen in a Final Fantasy game. Square Enix easily sold me on these four boys and their friendship, and I shed many tears along the way of their tumultuous and strange journey. They’re good boys, Brent.

Cuphead: I have only two things to say about Cuphead. One: The animation is sublime. Two: It is absolutely infuriating(ly addictive).

SAM WOLFE (@_Samtaro)

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild: I know that just about everyone else contributing to this article is going to write about this game, and rightly so; The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild was spellbinding. After being delayed from 2015, to 2016, to “when it’s ready”, Breath of the Wild had a lot to live up to and yet still surpassed almost everyone’s expectations. Nintendo took a very big risk in deviating from their standard Zelda formula to give players a game that trusts them to be competent. In the first few weeks of release, I kept hearing the same thing from my colleagues playing the game “this one is really hard”, “the combat is like a puzzle,” “it’s so difficult!” Breath of the Wild doesn’t pull any punches, it expects players to meet it at its level. It allows you to get lost, it allows you to make mistakes, it allows you to wander around Hyrule for hours doing whatever you want, yet still somehow results in you having made progress.

Breath of the Wild’s bleak setting is also fresh to the Zelda series. You, Link, the hero of whatever timeline this game takes place in, have woken up one hundred years too late; the party’s over, and the bad guys won. While the NPCs you encounter still have the same Zelda charm you’d come to expect, they’re all a little fatigued. Almost no one believes you are the hero you say you are, and nobody expects things to get any better. It’s a cynical world that only you have the power to fill with hope again.

More than anything else though, Breath of the Wild rewards players for how much time they spend in the world. I think the simplicity of the final scene is brilliant, calling out players who may have sprinted towards the ending. I won’t spoil it, but I will say that when you get to the final cutscene, it’s short, it’s simple, and if you’ve spent enough time in Hyrule to remember why you started this crazy quest in the first place, it’s satisfying.

Hearthstone: Kobolds and Catacombs: Hearthstone dropped three big expansions this year, but none were as impactful and fun as Kobolds and Catacombs. A love letter to Dungeons & Dragons, Kobolds and Catacombs introduced the Dungeon Run, a solo experience where players get to build a deck out of the coolest cards the game has to offer as they progress through the kobold empire. In addition to a slew of new cards, this new way to play was made available for free, meaning you can download the game and start playing with some of the most exciting cards the Hearthstone team has ever created, all without spending a dime. Thank you, little kobold, I will take that candle.

Sonic Mania: Sonic the Hedgehog 3 is one of my favorite video games. Period. The bullies who say there are no good Sonic games have simply forgotten the glory days, and who can blame them? Sonic hasn’t been doing what he does best in several years. Sonic Team themselves even forgot, throwing a bone to fans of the original games, effectively saying “if you think our Sonic games are no good, why don’t you do it?”

So they did. And it blew everyone away.

Sonic Mania is a love letter to Sonic’s Genesis era. Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles returned in spectacular fashion, reminding everyone of a simple truth: it’s fun to go fast. With exceptional level design and music you’ll bop your head to, Sonic Mania succeeds where almost every Sonic game in recent memory fails: it’s fast, it’s fun, and it keeps you coming back for more. I’m not sure if a Sonic Mania 2 is in our future, but if it takes us another 13 years to get there, I’ll still lace up my running shoes when the time comes.

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That's it for Part Two of our three-part series! Be sure to check out Part One and stay tuned for PART THREE: EVERYTHING ELSE! If you're still in the mood for past CR Favorites, check out the previous years' features here:

Crunchyroll Favorites 2016 Part One Part Two Part Three

Crunchyroll Favorites 2015 Part One Part Two Part Three

Crunchyroll Favorites 2014 Part One Part Two Part Three

Crunchyroll Favorites 2013 Part One Part Two Part Three

Crunchyroll Favorites 2012 Part One Part Two Part Three

Crunchyroll News' Best of 2011 Part One Part Two

What were your favorite video games of 2017? Comment below and share with us! Remember, this is a FAVORITES list, not a BEST OF list, so there's no wrong answers!

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Peter Fobian is an Associate Features Editor for Crunchyroll, author of Monthly Mangaka Spotlight, writer for Anime Academy, and contributor at Anime Feminist. You can follow him on Twitter @PeterFobian.

By: [email protected]

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

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entergamingxp · 5 years ago

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Persona 5 Royal review – both better and worse than the original • Eurogamer.net

It’s a great intro: protagonist Joker darting along the casino roof, quick like a shadow. Making fast work of a handful of enemies while leaving others in the dust, his black coat swishing behind him. The excited voices of his team mates over the intercom as he’s almost reached his goal, but then! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal! He’s surrounded!

Persona 5 Royal review

Developer: Atlus/P Studio

Publisher: Atlus/Sega

Platform: Reviewed on PS4

Availability: Out now on PS4

The first sequence of Persona 5 Royal acts as foreshadowing and tutorial all wrapped up in one, showing you everything you will regularly be doing in each dungeon you crawl through – jumping between platforms and squeezing through ducts to find a way forward, hiding away from enemies or ambushing them when they’re not looking. Most importantly, in round-based combat you unleash Persona, manifestations of parts of Joker’s psyche who can use different elemental attacks, healing spells and stat buffs. Persona 5 Royal also adds a grappling hook to your arsenal, which you’ll mostly use to find shortcuts and additional treasure.

Joker and his friends, regular students at Shujin Academy in Tokyo, one day stumble into the Metaverse, a parallel reality that manifests Palaces where people live out their worst desires. There’s also Mementos, a sprawling maze of randomly generated dungeons. The group of high schoolers enter these palaces to steal people’s treasures, causing them to let go of harmful desires and confess their crimes.

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Persona 5 Royal brands itself as the definitive version of the game, and introduces an extensive list of improvements – if you’ve played Persona 5 before, you’ll definitely notice how P-Studio worked to fix a few common gripes. New items help in combat, such as talismans that buff several stats at once, more food and drink that replenishes SP and many new accessories, among them rings you can put on your team members so they can use spells they normally don’t have access to.

You can form bonds with two new characters, first-year gymnast Kasumi Yoshizawa and school counsellor Takuto Maruki. Scenes with both are sprinkled in throughout the main story, while an all-new storyline after the main game focuses completely on them. New bonds mean there’s new Persona to catch and new abilities to gain from becoming friends, too.

Speaking of abilities – Persona 5 Royal introduces a really cool new special attack that unlocks as the story progresses. Called Showtime, it’s a powerful attack that unlocks when an enemy is almost finished or you’re really struggling. Two friends in your group will pair off and start a short, eye-popping sequence that briefly takes you elsewhere. They’re really difficult to describe if you haven’t seen them – Haru and Makoto for example start a WWE Smackdown double attack, and Ryuji and Yusuke start a saloon shootout when the enemy rudely interrupts Yusuke feeding Ryuji some ginger-laden donburi. It’ll all make some kind of distant sense when you see it, I promise.

The improvements aren’t all combat-focused, either. Thanks to a wealth of additional options, you’ll find it easier to raise your social stats, and if you time things right it will now only take you a single playthrough to max out every confidant. To justify adding even more content to an already meaty game, the palaces are now shorter, mostly because the layout of each has been streamlined to include fewer rooms, and some puzzles have also been shortened. Notably, you can now collect Will Seeds in each dungeon, manifestations of a palace ruler’s driving feeling. If you collect three seeds and take them to Jose, a small boy who hangs out in Mementos, you gain a powerful, otherwise inaccessible ability.

Gymnast Kasumi appears sporadically throughout the main game, to experience her full story you have to finish that first.

There’s more stuff, but the important question is, does it make Persona 5, an already universally lauded game, any better? Honestly, and I’m making my best Robert DeNiro face while I say this: meh.

When I played the original Persona 5, a handful of things detracted from my overall immense enjoyment – the treatment of some of its characters, the difficulty, which to me felt pretty easy, and the length of the game. It wasn’t just the number of hours, which was colossal, but how long they could feel.

If you’re plugged into the discussion that surrounded Persona 5, you know that certain parts of its plot didn’t land that well: a storyline in which your friend Ann is supposed to pose as a nude model, and a bit where your characters meet a couple of gay men. Atlus West requested the latter be changed, but to me it’s an absolute non-change that while no longer suggesting the abduction of minors, still finds ample opportunity to stereotype gay men. Small mercies, I suppose.

The way Ann is treated is equally off-putting to me, but it’s just part of your standard grab bag of misogyny in Japanese games, so of course that would remain unchanged. Don’t get me wrong, I love Persona 5 a lot, and I recognise that the opportunity for change is limited if you don’t want to downright cut content, but Royal does nothing to fix its larger problem: you get to meet a group of characters that’s perfectly adorable in their own right, but it’s constantly suggested they would be nothing without you.

The Velvet Room now offers battles where you earn battles for particular efficiency.

Persona 5 Royal puts its own characters down – it’s frequently suggested that Ann is a bit of dumb blonde, Yusuke is just weird, Makoto is too uptight, but you’re here to change their lives. P5R adds instances of queer-baiting to the mix, not letting you date your male team members, but putting you in intimate situations with them all the same. Persona 5 and Persona 5 Royal take the power fantasy to whole new levels, making sure to call the protagonist, and by extension the player, awe-inspiring, a hero, a leader, whenever the opportunity presents itself. I find the idea of being near-infallible pretty tiring.

This leads me to the combat. I’m confident in telling you to start Royal on Hard if you’ve played Persona 5 before. Royal also comes with two modes that lock you into your chosen difficulty, Safe and Merciless. You now have so many additional abilities and items that I think the standard game is way too easy, and can feel like going through the motions. Boss fights have been retooled with new segments to fit the narrative better, but the balance feels off – overall I enjoyed the fights, but I had trouble with some that had never bothered me before, while others seemed too easy given how far into the game I was.

The last point on my list however, is perhaps one of the most common complaints about Persona 5. I’m pretty happy how on normal difficulty there’s never been a reason to mindlessly grind, even though in essence that’s what Mementos is for. Grinding isn’t what turns Persona 5 Royal into a game of over 100 hours – it’s how characters review and re-review even the most basic information ad nauseum. It’s how you might not want to spend the next four hours driving around in Mementos, but you have to, since it’s a plot requirement. It’s how the game heavily cheats you by suggesting not once, not twice but three times that this is definitely the last battle and the world will be saved any minute now.

The additions here make all of that worse. Absolutely no one I’ve ever talked to said “you know what Persona 5 needs? Another palace. And I also really want to spend more time in Mementos”, yet that’s exactly what you get. To make the plot additions work at all, it needs a massive leap of faith that undermines pretty much everything you’ve done until this point, and it’s so frustrating. After a truly epic finale, another villain simply takes the place of the last. It’s the same principle that often makes movie sequels so grating – the victory you’ve just had was for nothing. For a game that frequently tells you the exact opposite, to stay true to your ideals and keep fighting even when others think it’s pointless, this is especially disheartening.

You use the grappling hook seldomly but to great effect. Wheee!

Without wanting to spoil anything, the new villain does have interesting motives, but they’re the sole upside of a storyline that asks you twice to have the same conversation six times in a row, and that gives you a palace where you fight three new enemies over and over, one of them several consecutive times. The way it is, the new story content feels a bit tacked on, despite giving you the option to keep working on your Social Stats and links – it feels like a DLC. This is an additional month of in-game time, relating to something that’s only alluded to in bits and pieces throughout the main game. It might be fun if you come back to Persona 5 after several months, but put at the end of the main storyline like that, it just makes you wait for it to be over.

If you’ve never played Persona 5, thanks to much of the optimisation this is certainly a safe bet. But Persona 5 Royal doesn’t so much feel like a definitive edition and rather a game made for fans who get excited about collectibles like the Will Seeds or additional Persona, or who are thirsting for new interactions with characters like the twins, who were previously largely neglected. Sadly it doesn’t add enough to justify another playthrough.

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/03/persona-5-royal-review-both-better-and-worse-than-the-original-%e2%80%a2-eurogamer-net/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=persona-5-royal-review-both-better-and-worse-than-the-original-%25e2%2580%25a2-eurogamer-net

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