#ateez idol au

[alxtiny]

can you do which ateez habit you would have picked up from being around them for too long?

I struggled with this more than I should have I’m sorry 😭😭😭😭 Happy reading!!!

Habits you pickup from Ateez

Synopsis: little habits you pick up from ateez

Pairing: ateez members x gn!reader, idol au

Genre: fluff

Word count: 2.4k

Warnings: none:)

masterlist

• Hongjoong

Falling asleep in random places

You never thought you'd pick up such a peculiar habit from Hongjoong but here you were, dozing off on the couch in his studio. It had become somewhat of a routine lately. Hongjoong often found himself working late into the night, composing music and writing lyrics, and you couldn't bear to leave him alone. So, you stayed up with him, keeping him company and offering moral support.

Tonight was no different. The studio was dimly lit, save for the soft glow of the computer screen where Hongjoong was tirelessly tinkering away. You sat beside him, occasionally offering words of encouragement or fetching him a snack to keep his energy up. But as the hours passed, fatigue started to weigh heavily on your eyelids.

"You okay Y/n?" a familiar voice chimed in, bringing you back from the brink of slumber.

You blinked a few times, trying to shake off the drowsiness. "Huh? Who? What?" you mumbled, rubbing your eyes.

Seonghwa chuckled softly and gestured towards you. "You fell asleep in a chair, I think you’re spending too much time with Hongjoong. You should get some real rest before you start falling asleep in random places, like him, too."

Glancing over at Hongjoong, you realized he was completely absorbed in his work, oblivious to the conversation happening around him. You laughed sheepishly, realizing Seonghwa was right. Lately, you had indeed found yourself dozing off in various places – the couch, the kitchen table, even leaning against the wall.

"It's just... I can't leave him alone when he's working so hard," you explained softly, a small smile playing on your lips.

Seonghwa's expression softened as he understood. "I know, and I'm sure Hongjoong appreciates it too. But you need to take care of yourself as well, okay? "

You nodded, grateful for Seonghwa's concern. As you settled back into the couch, you made a mental note to try and get more sleep, even if it meant leaving Hongjoong to his work occasionally. But for now, you allowed yourself to succumb to the comforting embrace of sleep, knowing that Hongjoong was just a few feet away.

• Seonghwa

Acting motherly towards the members

Seonghwa watched with a bemused smile as you flitted around the dorm, straightening pillows, picking up stray socks, and tidying up the kitchen. It was a sight he'd grown accustomed to – you, inadvertently taking on the role of the dorm mom, just like he did. It wasn't something you consciously did, but rather a habit you'd picked up from spending so much time around him and the other guys.

You had a thing for neatness and sometimes acted much like a mom in your friend group, but lately, you found yourself slipping into Seonghwa's shoes more often than not. It was something he found endearing and amusing, seeing you scold the other members for leaving their belongings strewn about or for forgetting to do their chores.

"Y/N, what are you doing?" Seonghwa asked, leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen.

You turned to him, a blushi tinting your cheeks, wondering just how long he had been watching you. "Oh, just tidying up a bit. It was a mess in here."

Seonghwa chuckled softly, crossing his arms over his chest. "You don’t need to do all that, you know"

You laughed, shaking your head. "I can't help it. You guys are like family to me, and I just want to take care of you."

The other members wandered into the kitchen, groaning as they saw you fussing over the cleanliness of the space.

"Come on, Y/N, we already have one Seonghwa," Yunho teased, flashing you a playful grin. "We don't need you turning into another one."

You rolled your eyes, but couldn't hide the smile tugging at your lips. "I'm just trying to help keep things organized around here. Someone has to do it."

Seonghwa wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close. "We appreciate it, really. Just don't forget to take care of yourself too, okay?"

You nodded, leaning into his side. "Of course. But someone has to keep you guys in line."

The others laughed, knowing deep down that they were lucky to have both you and Seonghwa looking out for them – even if it meant enduring occasional scoldings for their messy habits.

• Yunho

Picking at or biting your lips

Yunho had always been the type to immerse himself completely in whatever task he was working on, often biting or touching his lips in concentration. You, on the other hand, had never noticed this about yourself until Yunho pointed it out one day.

You were sitting together at the studio, both lost in your respective work. You were so engrossed in what you were doing that you didn't even realize your hand had wandered up to your lips, fingers lightly touching and occasionally biting at them in a habit you had unknowingly picked up from Yunho.

"Y/N," Yunho's voice broke through your concentration, causing you to look up, startled. "Don’t do that," he said, nodding towards your lips.

Confused, you furrowed your brows. "Hmm? What do you mean?"

Yunho sighed, his expression turning slightly serious. "You keep biting your lips. You might hurt them if you're not careful."

You blinked, suddenly becoming aware of what you were doing. "Oh," you muttered, feeling a flush of embarrassment creep up your neck. "I didn't even realize I was doing that."

Yunho's lips twitched with amusement, but he quickly composed himself. "It's a bad habit. You should try to stop."

You couldn't help but feel a bit defensive. "Well, you do it too," you scoffed and pointed out.

Yunho's cheeks flushed slightly, and he looked away. "I... I do?"

You nodded, a small smile tugging at your lips. "Yeah. Maybe we've just been spending too much time together," you teased.

Yunho's embarrassment was palpable now, and he cleared his throat awkwardly. "Maybe," he muttered, unable to meet your gaze.

But despite the awkwardness, there was a warmth in your chest knowing that even your unconscious habits were intertwined with his. It was just another reminder of how close the two of you had become, and you couldn't help but feel grateful for it.

• Yeosang

Clapping while laughing

You and Yeosang had spent such a long time together and over the course of it, you became attuned to each other's habits, quirks, and gestures without even realising it. One particular habit of Yeosang's that seemed to have rubbed off on you was the way he would clap his hands when he found something particularly amusing.

The way your hands would subconsciously come together and follow the rhythm of your laughter felt natural and neither of you actually noticed how a habit, once Yeosang’s, was now shared by you.

However, that was until one lazy afternoon when Yeosang excitedly showed you his phone, "Hey, check this out," he said with a grin, pushing it towards your face.

Curious, you glanced at the screen, finding yourself staring at a Twitter thread created by an ATINY. The thread was a compilation of gifs and videos, side by side, showing you and Yeosang laughing together. What caught your attention, however, was the caption accompanying the thread: "Am I the only one who noticed that Y/N and Yeosang have the same adorable habit of clapping while laughing? #YeoY/N."

"Oh my god they’re adorable."

"They look like cute little seals when they're laughing together, it's like they're synchronised."

You couldn't help but smile and giggle as you scrolled through the thread, amused by how certain things never went unnoticed by their fans, even if you yourselves were oblivious.

Yeosang glanced over at you, his expression softening. "I guess we really do spend too much time together, huh?"

You chuckled, leaning closer to him. "Maybe. But I wouldn't have it any other way."

• San

Covering your mouth while laughing

It was just one of those habits you picked up without even realising it – covering your face while laughing. It was something you'd seen San do countless times, his hand rising instinctively to his mouth as his laughter bubbled up. Maybe it was the contagiousness of his joy, or perhaps it was the familiarity that made you do it, but whatever the reason, you found yourself unconsciously mimicking his actions more and more as time went on.

You didn't think much of it, not until one fateful day when you and San were doing a live stream together. The comments were flooding in, a flurry of emojis and supportive messages from fans all over the world. Amidst the sea of text, one comment stood out:

"OMG, look how they laugh the same! 😍 SanYn are the cutest! 💕"

Curious, you glanced at the screen, only to see San's eyes widen in realisation. He turned to you, a playful grin spreading across his face. "Looks like we've been caught," he teased, nudging you lightly.

You felt your cheeks flush with embarrassment, but there was also a warmth spreading through you, a sense of fondness at the thought of sharing such a small, intimate detail with San. "Guess we spend too much time together," you joked back, unable to suppress a smile.

But as the live stream continued, you couldn't help but notice how often you and San found yourselves laughing, your hands rising simultaneously to cover your mouths. It was a small gesture, but it spoke volumes about the bond you shared, the way you seemed to sync up without even trying.

After the stream ended, you leaned in to press a gentle kiss to San’s cheek, you couldn't help but giggle at how much these little quirks affected you, maybe making life more comfortable along the way.

• Mingi

Making the 🥺 face

To the people outside, Mingi seemed to be very intimidating, with his deep voice and built 6ft stature but inside the comfort of his he couldn't be more different. He knew he was cute and he knew how to use it against people. One quick look sent your way with his puppy eyes and pouty lips and you would melt, at some point this habit of his rubbed off on you.

The members weren’t safe from it either, like when Seonghwa had just finished making a delicious batch of ramen for himself. The aroma wafted through the room, teasing your senses and making your stomach growl loudly. You and Mingi couldn't help but stare at the steaming bowl with longing eyes.

"Seonghwa hyung, that smells amazing," Mingi exclaimed, his eyes widening with hunger.

You nodded enthusiastically, finding yourself unintentionally mirroring Mingi's expression, your lips slightly pouting like the 🥺 emoji.

Seonghwa chuckled at your antics, shaking his head. "Sorry guys, this is just for me. I only made enough for one."

"But hyung, we're starving!" Mingi whined, his voice tinged with desperation.

You glanced at Seonghwa, your eyes pleading as you continued to unknowingly imitate Mingi's puppy-dog expression.

Seonghwa sighed, feeling the pressure of your combined adorable stares. "Oh no, I have to deal with two Mingis now, don't I?"

You and Mingi exchanged a glance before bursting into giggles, realising your unintentional synchronisation. Seonghwa couldn't help but laugh along with you.

"Fine, fine," Seonghwa relented, dividing the ramen between the three of you. "But next time, make your own!"

• Wooyoung

Smacking people while laughing

You couldn't help but laugh at the way Wooyoung told a recount of the recent Wanteez episode the boys shot, adding his own commentary in between. He always had a way of making you laugh wholeheartedly, even when you fought he would be the one to apologise first and crack a joke to make you smile. However, what you didn't realise was that you had picked up one of his habits along the way.

In the midst of your laughter, your hand instinctively swung out and smacked San's thigh, eliciting a surprised yelp from him. It wasn't until he looked at you with a mix of amusement and slight irritation that you realised what you had done.

"Oops, sorry, San!" you apologised, cheeks flushing with embarrassment as you tried to suppress your laughter.

San rubbed his thigh, shooting you a mock glare. "I already have to take abuse from Wooyoung, and now you're doing it too?"

You couldn't help but giggle at his playful complaint, but Wooyoung nudged you with a grin. "Looks like my habits are rubbing off on you, huh?"

You chuckled, realising how similar you two acted these days. "I guess so. Sorry, San, I’ll try not to do that but I can’t make any promises." You winked at him.

San shook his head and scoffed at your mocking, a smile breaking through his faux irritation. "Ahh so much I have to go through,"

You and Wooyoung giggled at his words, knowing how much he loved you both the same, with the occasional physical abuse of course.

• Jongho

Scrunching your nose while smiling/laughing

As you sat on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through your phone, you stumbled upon a video compilation titled "JongYn Couple Moments" ,obviously your curiosity got the better of you and you clicked on it, not fully knowing what to expect. What unfolded on the screen was definitely not what you were expecting, it sent a sudden blush creeping up your cheeks.

The video was a compilation of moments featuring you and Jongho, through the fans’ eyes, complete with dramatic commentary about how cute you two were together. Especially about the way your noses scrunched and crinkles formed around your eyes as you both laughed, with your faces making the same endearing expression.

You couldn't help but be amused as you watched, realising that you had subconsciously copied Jongho's habit of scrunching his nose when he smiled.

Suddenly, you felt a presence beside you. Glancing over, you found Jongho peering over your shoulder, his eyes fixated on the screen. As he watched the video, a wide grin spread across his face, small giggles leaving his lips.

"Wow, we really do look alike sometimes," Jongho remarked, amusement dancing in his eyes.

You nodded, still giggling at the sight. "I never realized I picked up on your habit."

"It's adorable," Jongho said, leaning in to press a soft kiss to your cheek. "I guess I've rubbed off on you, huh?"

You chuckled, leaning into his touch. "Looks like it. But hey, I don't mind sharing a few habits with you."

© alxtiny . Do not steal, plagiarise, translate, repost, or use my works on any platform in any way.

Send an ask or a message to be added to taglist

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS PURE FICTION AND NOT RELATED TO THE MEMBERS OF ATEEZ IN REAL LIFE PLEASE DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY

Taglist:

[yuyuonabeat]

Doll Face. It’s Getting Hot Pt.2🫣

Pt.1 here

A/N: Yeah mainly because he has me on a chokehold

His hands roaming down your back trying to loosen your shirt so he can see more of you. It’s risky and you know it but gosh you’re so turned on right now that you couldn’t care anymore.

He starts kissing your neck and collarbones. Looking at you with glazed lustfull eyes.

“H-hongjoong..Please be gentle.”

You’re a blushing mess. And fuck he just looks so godly right now. His hair a mess and his chest on full display for your needy eyes to see.

“It’s alright baby girl, must be your first time then. I’ll take care of you but I warn you..”

He leans into your ear and whispers “I can get quite animalistic when I’m near my high” he then nips your earlobe with his teeth.

You shiver at his words. Never imagined your first time would be with The Captain of Ateez.

You start to explore his body a bit more. Never taking your eyes off the surroundings as you’re scared you may get caught. He notices and grabs your chin down closer to his face with one hand.

“Baby let lose, I got you.” He winks at you and smashes his lips into yours making you moan in shock.

Kissing him felt like heaven. His lips with a hint of cherry chapstick made you even more wet than you already were.

He grabs your waist with one hand while he unbuttons the rest of his shirt with the other. Never breaking eye contact with you.

You moan at the sight of his hard nipples looking so pretty on his chest. You bite your lip and get closer to kiss at them. Sucking on his nipples earning a moan from him.

He gets comfortable sinking a bit more into the chair with his legs fully wide open.

Grabbing your ass and squeezing it he then pushes you back to look at him.

“Strip for me Doll.”

That couldn’t sound any better. And so you started to take your shirt off but he caught you off guard by stopping you.

“Slowly, I wanna enjoy the view Doll.”

You moved your hips a bit forward at his command. Slowly taking your shirt off and then getting up from his lap to do your pants as well.

You could see him licking his lips while he strokes his boner through his jeans.

You swallow hard noticing how big he was.

“So pretty for me Doll. Wanna make a mess of you.”

Suddenly he’s stripping himself off too and harshly turns you around so that your back is facing his chest and he slams your body down on the small table next to you.

Bending down to your ear he whispers. “I may have lied, I don’t think I can control myself baby, so tonight your pussy is gonna get ripped open.”

His hot breath hitting your ear makes you shiver. He pins your arms behind your back.

Feeling so dirty and vulnerable being pinned down on a table by a man while you’re fully naked in such a public place.

But you were not stopping now. You wanted this. You’ve been praying for this. Begging the gods for Hongjoong to notice you. And your wish had now been granted.

Hongjoong starts to grind his boner against your ass, giving one of your cheeks a squeeze after delivering a spank to the other. He groans in his raspy voice.

All you feel is his hard dick against your ass. You just want him to fuck you already so you take it upon yourself to grind yourself against him for some friction.

That only earns you a loud harsh spank making you moan.

“Pretty girl is so desperate for Captains dick huh? Well behave like a good girl and you’ll get rewarded.”

He backs away from you body making you whimper at the loss of heat from his body. You feel him bend down on his knees and then your ass cheeks being spread wide open like jelly.

“Ugh so pretty and wet. Pretty pussy needs some licking, and I need sure wanna taste you so badly.”

Hongjoong starts to lick at your folds and then moves to your clit. Making you clench at nothing. He slowly eats your pussy while moaning, vibrations from that making you moan in pleasure.

“That feels good Doll? I see you enjoying this.”

With that you mewl. Him now fucking you with his tongue. Making you see starts just with his mouth.

“Fuck baby you taste so good, I could eat this pussy all day. Maybe this pussy needs an owner.”

You try to understand what he’s saying but you’re too fucked out already to make any sense of the words coming from his mouth.

“Imma mark you so good and fuck you so hard so that your pussy knows who she belongs to. So pretty. You fucked dumb already?”

“I-fuck…. don’t stop please…”

He smirks at how much you seem to enjoy it.

“And to think I haven’t given you the big thing.”

As soon as those words leave his mouth. He grabs his leaking cock with one hand and rubs it through your wet dripping hole. Pushing it inside all in one go without prepping you or even giving you a warning first.

“Fuck!” You scream. Hongjoong was big and you knew it but you didn’t imagine it would be this painful. Being your first time, you’d expect him to be gentle. But as your tight walls get accustomed to his huge cock, you only wish for him to start fucking you.

“Oops Princess, I told you I’d get rough. And fuuuck you’re so tight hmmm hugging my dick so well.”

He doesn’t let you speak, he starts pistoning his cock in and out of your tight cunt making you choke on your words.

He throws his head back as he rams himself into you like you’re made out of rubber. Smacking your ass like it’s made for it. Grabbing at your hips as he moans in pleasure.

“Dammit Doll, fuck this pussy is so so good. Hmm best pussy I’ve fucked so far. It’s rubbing my ego to know that I’m the first to fuck you. Didn’t imagine such pretty thing like you to be a virgin.”

He grabs the back of your hair, pulling on it harshly, making you scream.

Your eyes start to get watery, tears rolling down your cheeks, your lips swollen from all the biting you’ve done to try and quiet your moans. This man was seriously a beast and you start thinking perhaps it wasn’t such a bad idea letting him fuck you.

“I…I’m so close..H-hongjoong…. Please don’t stop.”

You cry as he pounds himself into you like a wild dog in heat.

Hongjoong groans and fastens his movements now filling the room with the sound of your wet skin clapping together. Your moans filling his ears, sound like angels singing to him.

“Fuck baby, already cumming? I’m hmm fuck, I’m also close too.”

Hongjoong places one of his legs on a stool next to the table you’re on to give him more stability. He goes even faster and deeper than earlier. Whimpers escaping from your throat as growling sounds and moans escape from his.

“Uhhhh baby I’m so close let me cum inside you… I wanna fill this tight pussy up with my cum. Yeah wanna paint your walls with my seed.”

You try to think for a second if that should be a good idea. I mean you’ve never taken the pill as you’ve never had sex before. But gosh he was fucking you so good that you couldn’t care less.

“Yes fuck …fill me up please… f-feels so good.”

As he feels his release getting close he grabs your shoulders, pulling you up against his body and grabs your neck. Kissing you and moaning in your ear as he cums inside you. Shortly after, you cumming as well.

“God baby that was…so good.”

He kisses you and squeezes your hips.

He lets you go and starts to dress himself. Grabbing some wipes from the tissue box you use for makeup, he helps you clean his cum from inside you and from what’s leaking down your thighs.

“I didn’t….think it would feel that good.”

He looks up at you. Proceeds to help you dress yourself as well.

“What? Having sex?” He asks with a grin.

You nod. Putting your shirt on and fixing your hair.

“Oh baby then you better get ready, that was just a little taste of what I can do.”

He smirks and winks at you. Making you gasp and look down at your feet shyly.

“Come on Doll! I just fucked you. Don’t get shy with me now. Also we should definitely get going. Don’t want the guys thinking we aren’t where needed cause we’re doing something else.”

He winks at you and laughs.

You can’t help but laugh as well. You take your things and follow him out to meet the boys and the other staff members.

As the day is ending. You find yourself laying on your hotel bed. Staring at the ceiling you try to blink away the thought of Hongjoong fucking you again.

You think of the possibility of him fucking you again. I mean they do have to perform again next Friday….

You just wished he’d have a small sort of malfunction to his clothes or hair after the performance so he can come to you and then end up fucking you and cumming inside of you again.

Maybe he’d even let you suck his dick next. Or fuck you in another position where you could see him fully. You weren’t sure. All you know was that you wanted him badly.

That man had definitely woken up something inside you. And now you find yourself rubbing your thighs together at the thought of Captain Hongjoong.

The pet name “Doll” never leaving your brain. Every time it rolled off his tongue so nicely, made you nearly cum in an instant.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Well this definitely turned out semi okay. Let me know what you guys think. Please reblog and like. It helps a lot to know my work is being enjoyed. And also don’t forget to leave me some suggestions or asks in the inbox please! I’d love to know what my readers want me to write next.

[maeleelee]

Random questions and statements

Welcome to crackhead Mae 🥰

Warnings: just crack honestly.

Masterlist

| next

[zchnlswrld]

[ 22.56 ] idol!hongjoong — fluff, exes to ???

note: this is so old, literally wrote it after these photos were published, so sorry if it’s bad!

“what are you doing here?” he asks, there’s no malicious intentions behind it he’s just so confused on how you’re here in front of him, in paris, at fashion week, wearing a saint laurent piece, after years of being apart.

you stare at him for a few moments, just soaking in his presence and he seems to do the same as his body relaxes and he tilts his head slightly. a small smile falls on both of your faces.

“well, they ended up debuting me and for a while i was just wearing their pieces in shoots and where i could, they’re really nice, saint laurent picked up on it and here i am.” your smile increases as you lift your hands to gesture to yourself. “what about you?”

“same here, i’m with balmain.” he nods at you and silence falls upon both of you. not an awkward one though, more of a comforting one while you’re both away from the busy after party.

“do you want to go back in together?” you offer.

he thinks for a moment before turning the way you’re facing, “that sounds nice.”

the pair of you walk quietly to the hall the party is in, each step slower than the last before you’re at the door. you turn to hongjoong and he’s already looking at you with a soft gaze and an ever softer smile. by the looks of it he doesn’t even register what he’s doing until you do the same back to him.

“would you like me to get you a drink?” you ask quietly. you can barely hear yourself but you know he hears it because he shakes his head.

“oh, well i’ll be off then.” you take a few steps forward before you feel his hand on your wrist to pull you back.

you look back, a soft smile still of your face. hongjoong looks perplexed, like he’s unsure what to say and the small frown on his face gives that away. “do you want to sit somewhere quiet?” you knew, you always knew and he couldn’t be more thankful for it.

“come on then.” with no cameras at the party he lets go and you lock pinky’s with him. silently navigating the large room you both end up in a corner with two armchairs and a small coffee table in front. the pair of you sit in silence.

“it’s too much sometimes.” hongjoong mumbles.

“that’s ok, fashion week is really busy so coming here straight from work isn’t super fun either.” you say, leaning back in the chair.

“not only that.” he adds.

you give him a questioning look and after a moment he continues. “seeing you after all this time too, after everything. i could have handled it better, that though just looms over me and now you’re in front of me it- i don’t know.”

sitting up straight you turn in the chair to face him.

“it was a mutual decision. don’t dwell on it, we’re both ok.”

“i’m not.”

you stare at him, not with pity but with a look of longing which he returns. quietly you reach you hand out to him which he takes, your thumb stroking his hand. “why don’t we talk more later?”

his posture deflates and his grip on your hand loosens.

“if we talk about feelings here we can’t act upon them right away.” there’s a hopeful glint in his eye but his posture stays the same in case he gets his hopes up.

“i’ll see you in the lobby when this party is over.” letting go of his hand you give his thigh two pats before standing up with a small smile.

he sits up straight and lifts up his pinky. “promise?”

you lock your with his and stamp your thumb on his. “promise.”

[hongcherry]

Stolen Kisses || khj

"Balancing work and his personal life wasn't easy, but Hongjoong made do by stealing kisses from you when he could."

💋 Pairing: boyfriend!idol!Hongjoong x Reader (cis f)

💋 Rating/Genres/AUs: NC-17; 100% fluff; Idol au, established relationship

💋 Warnings: They shower together but nothing sexual occurs, reader is referred to as girlfriend/girl, lots of kithes hehe, reader is a foreigner, usage of pet names (baby), a cringy nickname for Hongjoong lol (let me know if there's anything else!)

💋 Word Count: 4.6k

💋 Author's Note: I've had this sitting in my WIPs for months since July but I always got distracted while editing it. However, I finally sat down and looked it over thanks Syd if you see this lol. This is my first of many Hongjoong fics, which I'm excited about! This live got me feeling warm and bubbly, so I hope you all enjoy the fluff with me (:

Key: English | Korean

ateez masterlist | main masterlist

A heavy sigh left your lips as you strolled through the narrow hotel corridor. It had been a long week dealing with picky clients—each wanting things created to the “T” according to their visions. Some just didn’t understand that no, you couldn’t put white text on a pastel pink background as it would be difficult to read with the lack of contrast.

You shook your head, hoping to rid the memory of the clients from your brain. At least for now. You just wanted to snuggle against your boyfriend until the responsibility of both your schedules forced you apart. You had flown out after work one day to visit Hongjoong while he was on tour. While Hongjoong had his own schedule to attend to today, you decided to explore the city.

As you approached the room you shared with Hongjoong, you could hear a faint voice inside. You recalled he had texted you earlier to let you know he had planned to do a livestream with his fans tonight. They were usually scheduled beforehand so you didn’t accidentally interrupt him or any of the other members. That must be what he’s doing now, you thought to yourself.

You kept that in mind as you carefully unlocked the door and pushed it open. You tried not to make a sound, so it wasn’t heard in the stream.

Hongjoong and you were lucky to have your own room, but the fans may get suspicious if they heard the door opening if he were to be alone. Sure, they may think it’s one of the members or staff, but you knew Hongjoong didn’t want to risk it. Understandably so because you felt the same. 

The streams were normally conducted with a staff member in the room so they could monitor the member(s). Despite this, they made an exception tonight and monitored the stream in another room. If anything were to arise, they would contact Hongjoong via text.

It’s no surprise your relationship with the famous idol was a secret. You didn’t want to bring any drama to his career. You both figured if you were still together in the future–hopefully, you would be–then you may consider disclosing your relationship to the public. Though, that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

Hongjoong quickly glanced up mid-sentence when he heard the soft click of the door opening. From where the entrance was located, you couldn’t see each other. You made sure the door was locked before peeping your head around the corner to show yourself. You gave him a little wave in greeting as you took off your shoes.

When Hongjoong saw you, his lips instantly curled in a small smile. However, the smile was quickly directed to the camera to act like the grin was for his fans—not his girlfriend.

“Yeah, it’s spicy,” Hongjoong said to the phone that was propped up as he sat back against his chair. He set his chopsticks to the side of his empty noodle bowl.

You soundlessly made your way further into the room and set down your purse before making your way to the closet.

“Yeah, definitely spicy,” Hongjoong continued. He quickly licked the corner of his lips to rid any remnants of the spicy noodles he had just consumed. His eyes stole a glance upward to see you starting to remove your clothes.

He’s seen your body multiple times throughout your two-year-long relationship. Seeing you change was normal for him now, yet, he could still feel his body tingle at the sight of your figure. Perhaps it was because he loved your body, but another part of him was just so enamored with the reminder that you were his. That this domestic life with you was something he could really have, even with his hectic schedule.

“I need some water. Just a moment,” Hongjoong quickly told his fans and left the chair.

You were finishing changing into more comfortable clothes when you felt warm hands grab your hips.

You snapped your head up in surprise to see Hongjoong behind you.

“Hi, baby,” he whispered in your ear before pressing a soft kiss against your temple, trying to keep the sound inaudible to the stream. “I’ll be done soon, okay?”

“It’s fine,” you reassured and turned in his grasp. You placed a gentle hand against his cheek as you pecked his lips, wishing you could indulge in his affection longer, but you knew his fans were waiting for him to return.

Reluctantly, he let you go and went to the mini fridge in the room. He retrieved drinks for both of you and handed you one.

“Thanks,” you murmured and grabbed it. After giving you one last kiss, he went back to his chair.

It wasn’t the first time you had been in the same room as him while he did a live stream. Although you had to stay silent during them, you got used to them over time and ended up doing your own activities.

You quietly broke the seal of the water bottle, sat on the bed, and took a sip. Your eyes wandered to your boyfriend in the corner of the room.

His two-toned hair was slicked back to expose his forehead. Some pieces fell into his eyes, but the look just made him more attractive. He donned a plaid button-down shirt that appeared a little too big, but you knew he didn’t mind the oversized fit. Hongjoong has always been handsome, but today he just shone more than usual. You could probably sit there and admire him until the sun rose.

“Ah, I brought soda, but I don’t think I can drink this right now,” Hongjoong said after a while of reading the comments. “One moment.”

Hongjoong took the chance to be near you again.

“Was that an excuse?” you giggled softly and peered up at him when he neared the bed.

He smiled and shook his head, leaning down to give you yet another kiss. He didn’t care if he was being excessive with the kisses. He missed you too much to care. Plus, he would be unable to feel your lips due to his schedule, so he was being greedy while he could.

“No,” he said after the short kiss. “But I might as well steal a few kisses while I can, right?”

As if to be true to his word, he gave you another one.

You laughed quietly and grabbed his hand, shaking it gently to show your own affection. You would have done more, but you didn’t have time.

Hongjoong understood and grabbed a juice from the fridge before going back to his chair. And no, he didn’t forget to give you a kiss, but this time on the top of your head.

You sat for a few more minutes watching him interact with his fans. A small smile formed on your lips involuntarily. You couldn’t help the way your heart swelled at how he composed himself.

“I’ll work hard to prepare with confidence,” Hongjoong continued his talk.

Despite wanting to watch him, you tore your gaze from him and pulled out the book you brought with you. Though, it was hard to focus. You stared at the words on the pages, yet you weren’t really reading. Your attention kept drifting off to the man in the corner of the room. His calming voice lured your attention to him.

Hongjoong was the third member you met of ATEEZ.

You were hired to contract for the company three years ago to help with graphics for their promotions. You ran into Yunho and Wooyoung on your first day. Ironically, you had met them down the block from the company building but didn’t recognize them at the time. It was your first time going to the building and being a foreigner, so you had a little trouble with directions. You had enough knowledge of Korean to live by, but some words or phrases still had you puzzled. Nevertheless, you found the building with their help.

Two weeks later and you met Hongjoong during a briefing meeting. You didn’t see him after a while and every meeting was nothing spectacular. What made the difference was that you and Hongjoong often got to the meetings early and made small talk. He didn’t mind which language you decided to speak, as long as you were comfortable. He even encouraged you to speak English since it helped him learn and retain it better. Likewise, it helped when he spoke Korean to you constantly. You were learning from each other, and it was a lot more beneficial than learning from a textbook.

You both tried to keep things professional despite the growing feelings toward one another. For some time you sat at opposite ends of the table to increase the distance—hoping the farther away you were, the more your feelings would disappear. However, it was to no avail. Like two teenagers in love, you both snuck off after meetings to exchange forbidden kisses in abandoned rooms.

You and Hongjoong knew your contract with KQ was coming to an end after the promotions, so you made a deal that you wouldn’t continue whatever you two had any further until your contract ended. Although there wasn’t a dating ban, you still wanted to remain professional. You were always told it wasn’t good to be in a relationship with a coworker—conflict of interests and such.

Once the contract was finished, Hongjoong asked you for a proper date.

It was easy to fall for Kim Hongjoong. He was hardworking, thoughtful, open-minded, and of course beyond attractive. You always felt happier around him and the feeling intensified when he became yours.

“‘Will you go watch the Minions 2’?” Hongjoong read aloud the comment. He gave a small smile. “I’ll try.”

A few more seconds passed as he read the comments.

“Yep! So… ‘Go to sleep!’ Noo!” Hongjoong paused with a chuckle but then relented. “Okay.”

You glanced up from your book at the sound, catching a glimpse of a smile on his lips. Your body was growing tired as the minutes passed, but you forced yourself to stay awake. You wanted to spend some time with Hongjoong before you went to sleep.

“I have to wash my face and body and hair and all that,” he continued and gestured to the parts he was listing.

You smiled hearing him speak in English. Even though he wasn’t able to study lately, he still tried to have conversations with you in English to remember the words he did know. You knew he wanted to work diligently in any way he could.

“I’ll get going now,” Hongjoong began to sign off, a hand waving to the camera. “Have a good day, and have a good night. Bye bye! Bye!”

Hongjoong fiddled with the phone for a second before quickly repeating a bye and turning off the live.

He waited a moment to be sure the live ended then got up and walked toward you.

“Sorry,” he said as he sat next to you on the bed. He wrapped his arms around your body and hauled you into his lap.

“Don’t apologize, Joongie,” you replied and snaked your arms around his shoulders. You nestled your head in the crook of his neck. His body was warm and he still smelled faintly of his cologne. “You need to talk to Atiny. They love seeing you.”

Although you did want more time with him, you knew it was important for him to build that connection with his fans. He wanted to talk to them, too, just felt bad that he couldn’t do both—talk to them and hang out with you. There weren’t enough hours in the day.

“But I love seeing you too,” Hongjoong whined softly and squeezed your body tighter.

You giggled and nodded, showing that you loved seeing him in return.

“You look really handsome today,” you complimented and pulled away to look at him.

He grinned, teeth on display while his eyes stared at you fondly.

“Thank you, baby,” he said and leaned forward. You met him halfway.

You smiled into the kiss, your heart still fluttering after years of constant smooches. You weren’t sure if you would ever get over the way he made you feel.

Hongjoong massaged your sides as he deepened the kiss. His tongue found yours and you giggled lightly when you tasted the lingering spice from his noodles. At the sound, he squeezed your sides playfully. Your hands trailed up to his hair; your fingers tangled in his locks. Although they weren’t as soft as usual due to the hairspray, you still liked the way it felt between your fingers.

When you were both out of breath, you pulled away. His eyes were shining under the lights.

Carefully, you leaned over to the nightstand and grabbed the makeup remover wipes. You freed one from the package and slowly began to wipe the makeup off Hongjoong’s face.

Hongjoong’s lips twisted up in a small smile at the action. His eyes fluttered closed while he continued to trace random patterns on your sides.

None of you spoke a word, but that didn’t matter. You just wanted to feel him against you. To be in his presence.

After you wiped away his eye makeup, he opened his eyes and slid his hands to your back.

Hongjoong lazily rubbed your lower back as he watched you. He started to hum a random tune while he did so. Your head was tilted as you concentrated on not being too rough on his skin.

“Come join me in the shower,” he spoke as you finished removing the last of the makeup.

You tossed the wipe in the trash and put the package back on the nightstand.

“But I’m too tired for sexy time,” you confessed with a small whine, already feeling your eyes getting heavy.

Hongjoong smiled at you chastely. “We don’t need to have sexy time. I just wanna spend more time with you.”

Your eyes squinted while you hummed in disbelief.

“Come on, pretty girl,” he begged, lower lip sticking out in a childish pout. “Please?”

Your eyes remained on his face for a moment. His eyes were round as he silently pleaded for you to agree. “You’re lucky you’re so cute,” you caved in.

Hongjoong grinned and patted your butt to indicate to move. You followed his silent order and climbed off his lap.

Hongjoong started to unbutton his shirt, revealing more of his honey skin a button at a time.

“You’re staring,” he teased when he noticed your eyes glued to the way his fingers worked to unfasten the fabric.

“Yes I am,” you boldly replied and flickered your gaze to his.

Hongjoong’s eyes widened slightly, and he ducked his head when he felt his cheeks redden. You supposed he wasn’t expecting that response.

You laughed and raised his chin to see his face. “You’re cute when you’re shy.”

“I’m not cute or shy,” he huffed and finished undoing his shirt. He stood in front of you, blue jeans on and shirt hanging open to show his defined torso. If he weren’t being pouty, you would’ve found him sexy in his fit. You just thought he was more adorable right now.

You placed your hands on his chest, and he shivered at your cool touch.

“Yes you are, and I love you because of it,” you said and pressed your lips against his pouty ones.

During the kiss, you pushed his shirt off his shoulders. You helped him pull his arms out, clothed chest pressed against his.

Hongjoong’s hands trailed up your hips to your waist. He grabbed the hem of your shirt and gently peeled it from your body. Because you had dressed comfortably, you had opted out of wearing your bra.

“You’re cold,” he said when he felt your chilled body against his warm one. “Let’s get you under warm water,” he instructed.

Hongjoong quickly removed his pants and took off his watch so he was only in his underwear. He grabbed your hand and led you to the bathroom.

After adjusting the temperature, he pulled off his remaining clothing. You followed suit and wrapped your arms around your body—the cool room causing goosebumps to form quickly.

Hongjoong stepped inside first to ensure the temperature was fine then held out a hand for you. You put your hand in his without hesitation.

A sigh left your lips when the hot water hit your body.

Hongjoong held you close to his figure to help warm you faster. You rested your head against his chest, letting the water fall over both your forms for a while.

“Better?” Hongjoong asked while he rubbed your back.

You nodded.

“Good,” he said and reached for the shampoo. “How was your day?”

You turned around when Hongjoong gestured for you and closed your eyes when you felt him put the liquid on your hair. He began to gently massage your scalp.

“Just some more annoying clients. They wanted a dark… Uh,” you paused when the word in Korean escaped you. You’ve heard it, even used it before, but for some reason, you couldn’t remember at the moment. Hongjoong paused in his movements to give you more of his attention.

“Gradient,” you said, glancing at your boyfriend over your shoulder.

His eyebrows scrunched in confusion as he tried to understand you. He didn’t know that word in English.

“When the color fades from one color to another,” you tried to explain. You could see the imaginary cogs turning in his head, trying to guess the word you were attempting to describe.

“Ahh!” he exclaimed when he recalled the word. “Gradient.”

Of course.

“Gradient,” you repeated sheepishly, though Hongjoong didn’t mind that you had forgotten. He gave you a reassuring smile and grabbed the shower hose. He rinsed your hair, careful to ensure no soap got on your face.

You closed your eyes again and continued, “They wanted a dark gradient with similar shade text. I tried to explain that it wouldn't look as nice but they insisted.”

Hongjoong listened carefully as he washed his own hair quickly. You felt bad that he helped you without you asking, so you stopped his movements and replaced his hands with yours.

“Maybe they’ll change their mind when they see it in its final version,” Hongjoong tried to comfort.

“I hope so,” you replied. You helped him rinse his hair then you each put in your own conditioner. “If they don’t, I don’t want to put my name on the work.”

Hongjoong was used to you switching between languages. Although it took him a little longer to understand what you had said, he never complained as it always helped him with his own English.

“It’ll just show how you’re able to adapt to others' requests,” he assured and reached for the soap bar. You let him glide the soap across your body, enjoying the feel of it and his fingertips against you.

Hongjoong hadn’t been a fan of skin ship initially. During the first few kisses you had, his touches were light. You could barely feel him on your clothed waist. Even his kisses were gentle to the point you felt you were simply brushing lips rather than actually kissing. He gradually became accustomed to your touches, but he still limited a few of them because he wasn’t used to such affectionate actions. Although he did receive love from his members—whether voluntarily or not—it felt different when the touches were from you.

Eventually, he was used to feeling your skin against his. Even started craving it so much that it was hard to even go to the bathroom without him clinging onto you like a koala. It was rather cute. Now, he only gets that way if he hasn’t seen you in a long time. Though, you are never upset with it. You like needy Hongjoong.

“That’s nice of you to say,” you replied and grabbed the bar.

“You’re talented, baby,” Hongjoong said.

“Thank you,” you murmured.

Hongjoong let out a small sigh at the feel of the soap rubbing against his skin. His head lolled back, and you took the time to admire his fit figure. His muscles were not as defined as some of his members, but they were still easily visible. Although you didn’t care either way, you had to admit it was a nice plus.

“You don’t need to thank me,” Hongjoong answered softly after a few seconds. He tilted his head downward in time to see you rinsing the bar, a habit of yours, before setting it down.

He stepped under the water and let the soap run off his body.

“I have a lot to thank you for,” you said.

Hongjoong grabbed your hips and swung you around to be under the water. You laughed and wiped the water from your face, but it was useless as more water kept coming.

“Like what?” he whispered and captured your lips with his before you could answer. Water raced down both your faces, but neither of you minded. You wrapped your arms around his neck, and he smiled into the kiss at the feel of your body flush against his.

You pulled away and adjusted your bodies so he was more under the water. You reached up to tilt his head back as you rinsed the conditioner from his hair. He closed his eyes and kept his hands on your waist.

“Like how thankful I am to be able to be the only one who gets to kiss you,” you answered belatedly.

“Or how thankful I am to have a boyfriend as amazing as you,” you paused when you noticed Hongjoong’s lips twitching upward. It was as if he was trying hard not to smile. Wanting to see his full grin, you continued.

“Thank you for being so good to me… For making my heart do all sorts of cartwheels.”

“Cartwheels?” he asked and opened his eyes as he moved from the water. He stared down at you confused, not understanding what you meant.

“Cartwheels,” you explained. His mouth opened slightly in a silent “ah” as he understood, nodding slowly. However, his expression quickly turned bashful as he averted his eyes briefly. The words had finally sunk in and he felt his heart thud faster.

“Y-you still don’t need to thank me,” he mumbled and returned the favor of helping you rinse your hair.

“Maybe not,” you said even though you truly believed you did. Hongjoong was such a blessing in your life; you couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. “But I want to.”

Hongjoong bit his lip at your words. He could run in circles with you about this all night long. Instead, he shut the water off and went to grab a towel for you.

He enclosed the towel around your body before he quickly dried off his chest and hair with his own towel. He wrapped the material around his waist and secured it. As he did so, you dried off and fixed your towel around your body.

You both did your night-time routine hastily then climbed into bed together.

“I hope you have a better day at work tomorrow,” Hongjoong said once you were both settled under the covers. You were facing each other, legs tangled under the sheets. Hongjoong had a hand placed on your side, rubbing his thumb against your warm skin absentmindedly. He spoke slower than usual as he focused on using the correct words in the correct order; yet, you were patient as always. Switching languages wasn’t easy and you admired that he still tried to use your native language even if he wasn’t totally confident in speaking it.

“Me too,” you replied with a smile.

“So, I have a question,” he said. You hummed to show your curiosity.

“Will you go watch the Minions 2 with me?”

You giggled. “Of course, my Minioong.”

Hongjoong sighed at the nickname, acting as if he disliked the pet name you had given him when you first learned about his love for Minions. Though, deep down you knew he liked it. Even if it was cringy and sounded a little funky, it came from you.

“I’m not going to share my popcorn with you now,” he huffed. Playfully, you stuck out a tongue at him. This earned a teasing poke from your boyfriend to which you whined in response.

“My silly girl,” Hongjoong said fondly and moved his hand back to your waist.

The softness of the mattress and the comforting feel of his hand on your bare skin had your eyes drooping. You blinked rapidly when you caught yourself dozing off.

Hongjoong chuckled softly at you trying to fight off the sleep. He pulled your body against him so your head was tucked in his chest. He rubbed your back and closed his eyes, basking in the feel of you engulfed in his embrace.

“Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning,” he said and pressed a soothing kiss against your head.

“Are we still going to breakfast?” you wondered quietly, still not wanting to rest just yet.

Hongjoong hummed in affirmation. “You still okay with the members joining us?”

“As long as I get to sit next to you, yes,” you teased as you recalled the time Wooyoung rushed to occupy the only seat by Hongjoong. It forced you to sit away from him, which isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things. However, your time with your boyfriend in person was limited, and you just wanted to cling to him until you couldn’t anymore.

“I’ll make sure of it. You’re not leaving my side tomorrow,” he replied with a smile.

“Only tomorrow?” you asked softly and peered up at him.

Hongjoong caught your gaze, carefully raising your face more so he could plant a chaste kiss on your lips. “Forever, baby.”

“I don’t want to leave tomorrow,” you confessed glumly. Your trip to see Hongjoong was ending soon. Once their concert ended tomorrow, he was taking you straight to the airport so you could catch your flight. Despite being sad you weren’t able to spend your last few hours with him directly, you were still happy to see him on stage—doing what he loved for the people he loved. He was meant to be a performer, and you loved seeing his passion shine brightly under the stage lights.

“I don’t want you to either,” he sighed, tugging you against his body and resting his head against yours. “’m going to miss you too much.”

There was silence as your mind ran, sprinting from one sad thought to another. You wanted to stay with Hongjoong longer.

“Don’t be sad, pretty girl,” Hongjoong mumbled. “It’ll be okay.”

“I love you, Joongie,” you replied softly, eyes closing as you let Hongjoong hold you. He squeezed you tenderly before lifting one of your hands to plant a lazy kiss.

“I love you more,” he answered.

Knowing Hongjoong was too tired to argue with you, as he usually did when you said this, you answered, “I love you more.”

“Just this once,” he said with an airy chuckle. “Now, go to sleep, baby.”

“’kay,” you mumbled softly and closed your eyes, a triumphant smile on your face. You felt him adjust a little before settling down. He kept you close as you drifted off to sleep. Instead of dreading tomorrow, you focused on being with Hongjoong now. 

It was difficult to be in a relationship with an idol. You knew it would be from the moment you fell for one, but actually living through it pained you more than you realized. However, feeling Hongjoong’s warm body flushed against yours—hearing his heart beat steadily as sleep slowly consumed him—made you remember why you risked it all. Why you overcame the lonely nights, the three-in-the-morning facetimes, and the virtual dates. 

He was worth it all.

A/N: For my "shy/silent" readers, I've created a feedback form where you can share your thoughts on my fics in a more anonymous and private way. ^-^

©️hongcherry // DO NOT REPOST OR MODIFY. Please consider reblogging if you liked this work to show your support. Feedback/commentary is always welcomed.

[thelargefrye]

EXILE HER NEWS UPDATE [240118]

[dreamingofyeo]

Idol au section ☆彡

———————————

Multi

Hj

Sh

Yh

Ys

Jar of similes 1570 words

Sn

Mg

Wy

Jh

<-back

———————————

[mingigoo]

Tattoo || seonghwa (m.)

✰ pairing ⇢ idol! (fem) reader x idol! seonghwa

✰ summary ⇢ After a long tour, seonghwa hurries back to you—but gets to the hotel room while you’re showering. When you step back into the room, seonghwa sees that brand new, huge spine tattoo you just got—and he just can’t take it anymore.

✰ genre/au ⇢ smut, fluff, idol au

✰ warnings/tags ⇢ 18+ minors DNI, unprotected sex, cum shot, seonghwa is whipped, also he definitely has a tattoo kink, hotel sex, secret relationship, this really has no plot its just kinda filth

✰ word count ⇢ 2.0k

✰ taglist ⇢ @atinywhore @jjhmk @yukine-smx @roe-sinning @meowmeowminnie @yeritheloml @y00nzin0 @yesv01 @halesandy @shegotboreddsoo @kangyeosangelic @gayliljoong @sanshineeeeee @kodzukein @baguette-atiny @seokwoosmole @nyeatinyjunkie @juliettechokilo @pockyddalgi @justaqueerbufoin @hwaightme @likexaxdaydream @ssaboala @gtr-skyline-lover @miriamxsworld @daegale @knucklesdeepmingi @naiify @yeoyeoland @arya9111 @mdibby @8tinytings @angelicyeo @wooyoungjpg @lonewolfjinji @asjkdk @charreddonuts @mangishii @yeoyeoland @pink-hwaberry @wooyoluvrr @maru-matt @pearltinyy @loveuwoo @m3chigo @northerngalxy @silverpixiedust23 @interweab @skz1-4-3 (if I missed you please lmk!! bold = can’t tag)

You were desperate.

He curved his hips, arching his back, gripping the chair underneath him. Sweat dripped, his tongue danced, his eyes were shut tight.

He was god-like. You were ready to kneel for him as you watched his eyes darken, his hips snap—the curve of his muscle, his thin, delicate waist. He moved unlike anyone else, as if he were water, fluid—graceful. However, not graceful enough for you not to imagine swallowing him whole.

You couldn't take this anymore.

You shut your phone off, his half-naked body still on the screen before it went black. You tossed it aside on the huge California king bed and stood up straight.

With a sigh, you looked out towards the city. It was sparkling beyond the floor-to-ceiling windows, shining like stars in the night. Everything reminded you of him. He’s been gone for ages, months; it was all too much. 

You went into the bathroom of the hotel room you were in, turning on the water, and opting for a cold shower. You desperately needed something to cool your thoughts down—you knew he was coming soon, but you needed to get a grip. 

You felt like a delusional fan—you were, slightly. Even being an idol yourself, you still crazed over your boyfriend as if he were just a figment of your imagination. 

You let the water hit your face as you tried to keep your thoughts in check.

—

After your shower of not-so-clean thoughts, you step back out into the cool air of the hotel room in only a towel, your bare feet flush against the plush carpet. With a quick movement, you went to find clothes in your bag, but you caught a glimpse of a certain black-haired boy on the bed.

His eyes light up, and he jumps off the bed as quickly as possible, tackling you into an embrace. You felt a swell of happiness fill you as he kissed you all over your face, your cheeks, your lips. It was as if he popped right out of your phone—but unlike his unkept stage look, his hair was neatly groomed, his face without makeup, his smile genuine.

“I missed you,” he whispered against your lips, his arms wrapped around your towel-covered waist. His lips met yours once more, a content sigh leaving his breath. 

“I missed you, too,” you smile at him, lifting a hand to rest on his cheek, feeling him lean into your touch. He looked so calm, so clean. But his eyes—oh, they showed exactly his true form. They were fierce, feline-like. He gazed at you with imperativeness, sexiness dripping off of him. 

His hair was begging to be messed up, begging to be gripped. His lips were parted in front of you, his white teeth bared slightly, and all you could think of was how sharp his hips snapped into the air—how you imagined yourself on top of him.

But you had something important to give him—a gift other than yourself. You got him a simple, small necklace with your initial on it. You knew it would cause a sort of commotion around the fandom, as fans would immediately point fingers and come up with ideas. The thought of it made you excited—even to see him wear it would mean the world to you.

You left his embrace despite his grip. “Oh, I have something for you,” you smiled, turning around to get to your bag. “I think you’ll like it. Let me just find it here—”

The air felt colder.

“....What…is that?” he swallowed hard.

“What?” you called over your shoulder as you rummaged through your bag.

He didn't say anything. No, he approached you slowly from behind, drawing a hand down your neck, meeting the top of your towel that was falling off by the second.

“This,” he hummed, in awe. His tone was soft, but his intentions felt sinister.

“Oh?” you smirked, dropping your towel slowly. “I got a tattoo while you were gone,” you whispered, facing away from him as his hot breath danced across your skin. You were about to ask if he liked it, but you could just tell by the way his hand trailed down your neck, down your spine, dancing across the ink that looked like a star falling, shining down your skin. And his hand met the small of your back, the base of your spine, and you shivered.

“Oh, god,” he growled.

“What?” you asked innocently, turning around in his grip, watching that stone-cold, sharp gaze he had on you meet yours. His eyes were sharp, making you think back to the videos of him once again, how he thrust his hips into the air, how you imagined yourself on top of him in the chair, how you wished you couldve licked the sweat off his pretty little face.

You grazed his cheek, trailing your hand down his shoulders, down his stomach—thinking of the way he looked in his stage clothes. He chewed on his lip, his breath hitching, his muscles tensing underneath the thin fabric of his shirt.

“Am I making you nervous, baby?” you hummed, your cold fingers gliding underneath his shirt, feeling him tighten under your touch. You haven't fucked for months, the only company being your own hand, and it was the same for him. You were naked in front of him, his eyes hungrier than you've ever seen them. “You know, I was just thinking about you in the shower, about how sexy you looked on stage….”

He just seethed through his teeth, smiling like an absolute maniac. 

“God, I need you. I..… I need you right now,” he let out a guttural sound, his hands gripping your bare hips, his eyes as dark as the night. “I can't wait any longer.”

Quickly, he pushed you up against the cold window; your back pressed up against it, your exposed chest against him. He tore your mouth apart, digesting you, eating you up, his teeth nibbling at your lips. You fumbled with the hem of his shirt, tugging on it, begging him to part for one second just for you to tear his shirt off. 

You managed to pull the shirt over his head, his muscles rippling against your cold touch. One of his hands found a home tangled in your wet hair, the other wrapping around your body, running down your spine. You shivered, feeling a mixture of pain and pleasure. It all blended together, and you tugged his jeans off as fast as you could.

His breaths quickened as you pulled down his underwear, leaving him exposed to you, his hard-on aching to be relieved by you. He looked at you with desperation; his lips parted as he breathed. You gave him a small smile as you spit on your hand, watching his eyebrows raise as you gripped his cock in your hand. You found pleasure in the way he tossed his head back, the way his veins popped in his neck, his face. How he bit down on his lip to keep him from crying out.

You move your hand in slow, mind-crushing patterns, slow enough to wind him up into insanity. He saw the smirk on your face, and a pained—sex-filled expression filled his own features. He gritted his teeth, baring them like an animal, before gripping your hair and turning you around, slamming your breasts into the cold glass. You let out a moan, giggling slightly. 

“Oh, how I missed your anger issues,” you breathed, your face pressed against the window. His hand met your heat, his fingers curling up into you. One slid through you, causing your breath to hitch.

He pressed his lips against your back, your spine, his tongue licking against the inked skin, gliding over the fallen stars. “Oh, fuck,” he mumbled, his breath tickling the back of your neck. You arched your back against him as he fucked you with his finger, sticking another one in with haste. “Never thought a tattoo would turn me on so bad,” he breathed, pressing another kiss against your skin. “You should get more.”

You let out a chuckle, but your thoughts were cut short as he curled his fingers inside you, letting out a sound that nearly made you cum on the spot. You believe that he felt the same, as he let out a similar sound, his fingers moving faster as his lips sucked on your neck like a damn vampire.

“I need you inside me,” you cried out, his fingers only making you want his dick even more. Your hot breath fogged up the window, your lips leaving streaks against the glass. He slowly pulled his fingers out of you, and through the reflection of the window, you watched him suck on them, savoring your taste, closing his eyes tightly. 

“So…so hot,” his hand danced down your spine, his nails scratching your skin. You arched your back again; he let out a huff of air. “I fucking love your body. I love everything about you,” he moaned, the tip of his cock pressed against your entrance. You tilted your hips slightly, and he slowly entered you, as hard as a rock, feeling the ridges of you as he moved in and out slowly. You cried out, slamming your hands against the glass that overlooked the city. “I needed your body so bad. You have no idea how much I thought about this the whole tour…”

You moaned softly, his name on the tip of your tongue. “Did you jack off to me?” you moaned, tilting your head to the side, seeing the mess of his black hair all over his face, sticking to his skin. “Did you fuck yourself to me? Did you think about how I tasted?” you took in a sharp breath as your words clearly had an influence on him. He pushed in deeper into you, as if it were possible, and you cried out in pleasure. 

It's been so long—so long since you've felt his body move with yours, against yours, inside yours. You felt him pulse within you, your walls tightening against him as you reached your high. You came onto his dick, seeing stars and buildings and lights all around you. You felt like you were falling off the building, crashing. He let out a whimper, a moan, as he felt you tighten, and he pulled out as he came, emptying himself all over your back, on your tattoo. 

He breathed shakily, his cum dripping down your back, the wetness pooling at the base of your thighs. You couldn't breathe. You tried to inhale, but all you smelled was the sweet scent of sex, his sweat, his cologne. He was everything you needed, everything you thought of. He lived in your mind within every moment.

He stepped away to grab the towel you dropped earlier, and gently wiped away at your back. His eyes were trained on you, his breathing steadying.

You turned around, eyes meeting his. He looked beat, his eyelids heavy, his smile lazy. He looked at you like you were the best gift in the world, and his hands rested comfortably on your hips. “I missed you,” he said, again.

You flushed, as if you didn't just get railed over the city. “I know, you said that already.” You studied his face, how his eyebrows relaxed, how he was so content in your arms. You brushed away his sweaty hair, tucking it behind his ears.

“So,” he hummed, resting his head on top of yours, looking out to the city skyline. “Was the tattoo my gift?” he chuckled softly.

You let out a small laugh, smiling up at him. “I mean, no, it felt like more of a gift for me,” you thought back to how he reacted to it—just what you wanted. “But I’m glad you liked it. Makes me want to get them all over my body,” you dragged on, watching his eyes go wild.

With one look that could absolutely kill, he said,

“Don't tempt me with a good time.”

[hongjoongsart]

Reassuring Words and Mellow Touches | Choi San

💐 IMPORTANT: Re-upload from my deleted account (hongjoongspoetry).

💐 Summary: Being a mother wasn’t an item on your bucket list, never has and probably never will be. You were more than content with living a childless life and it wasn't an occurring issue before, until you brought your boyfriend on a trip to your parents’ where his love for kids unveiled right in your face. You were adamant on your choice, but scared what the future held for you and your boyfriend.

💐 Pairing(s): idol!San x f!reader

💐 Genres/Tropes: tooth rotting fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, established relationship, a lil suggestive

💐 Warnings/Tags: no use of (Y/N), mentions of pregnancies, arguments, explicit language, expectations that come with being a woman, reader doesn't want babies, pushy family, emotional invalidation, listed pregnancy side effects, san with kids

💐 Wordcount: 12.2K

💐 Author's note: Here's a lil treat inspired by my fear of pregnancies. I am not a mother and I'm not trying to offend anyone who is. I haven't experienced motherhood so I wouldn't understand the complicit feelings that come with it, this is more my observation of it I guess.

Edited 22 January, 2024!

AO3 Playlist Click on me!

This is all fiction and not meant to represent San in any way or form.

Babies weren’t foreign to you even at the age of five.

You knew what they were; you had been one, your parents and siblings too, heck every living thing had been a baby at one point in their life. From the carrots growing in your grandma’s garden to the old ducks swimming in the pond down the street. 

Babies were cute. A bit annoying, but nonetheless cute. Probably the reason why your parents decided to have so many children or was it the nostalgia of holding an infant when their kids grew up to be living ticking time bombs. 

It wasn’t anything weird or something you paid attention to. It was quite simple too; people had children because they fell in love or to keep the relationship floating.

Children were simple beings. What they hear they shall question. Seeing your teacher highly pregnant, rubbing her stomach and wearing a gleeful expression, talking about birth and pregnancies and everything else coming with that had you taking in the information like a sponge absorbing water. 

“Mom, did you give birth to me?” 

“Of course, honey, I am your mom aren’t I?” You remember her gently wiping your cheek, a warm smile adorning her face.

You hummed in agreement, throwing a cut piece of steak in your mouth somewhat satisfied with her answer. Your eyes filtered between Hana and Jun, watching them push at each other’s shoulders clearly bickering over something so pointless your dad couldn’t bother stopping them. Not that it was possible, they were brought into this world together and separating them would only bring more chaos.

“Did you give birth to Hana-unnie and Jun-oppa too?”

“Yah! What do you think, airhead?!” Jun snarkily replied and got a light whack of the head by your sister.

“Sweetie, don’t hit your brother.” 

Hana rolled her eyes. “Even if he deserves it?” 

“Even if he deserves it,” your father concluded and urged them to eat. 

Another piece of meat was flung in your mouth as you stared at the family portrait behind the twins, focusing on your other siblings who moved out a long time ago and already started their own families. Your mother saw the bemused tingle covering your features.

“Go on and eat your food.”

A small pout adorned your lips, “How do you give birth?”

Your parents were more than prepared for the wonders of your mind, any question fired at them had already been answered years ago with your older siblings. That’s what they thought at least and it explained why the dinner table went pin silent as the question was flung out in the open.

The seasons changed like your father changed channels. Spring fluttered into summer quicker than expected. Budded flowers opened, the various colored roses adorning your grandma’s fence beautifully. The breeze welcomed you with open arms, proudly announcing the start of summer break. The transition between summer and autumn was slow. The rich green leaves took their time changing shades – red, orange and eventually an ugly brown that reminded you of wet mornings and cold coffees – before the howling wind swirled them away, stripping the trees of its beauty. 

As the years passed your My Little Pony boots were replaced with wedge heels and your favorite color wasn’t pink, but black – even though Jun argued black wasn’t a color – and before you knew it Hana moved out with her boyfriend, now husband, of six years. A small but evident baby bump peeking behind her knitted sweater.

You were seventeen at that time, the twins twenty-two and your remaining siblings already thirty-something. 

Her baby girl wasn’t the first grandchild of your family tree and she certainly wasn’t going to be the last either, because four years later she welcomed another child into the world just a couple of months before your brother’s wife. That made a grand total of seven grandkids, three girls and four boys.

You were very grateful to your mom for giving birth to you last and grateful for the free birth control your siblings provided you with. Despite their children having moments of incarnating the devil, they weren’t the issue to your disdain of want for a baby. 

Some said it was the lack of a boyfriend and others pointed out you being too focused on your academic studies – that your decision to start university was too hasty – depriving you of your youth, as if a newborn wouldn’t.

You saw what motherhood did to your sisters and in-laws, and it wasn’t anything you’d like for yourself. Not even after meeting your boyfriend, who you were madly in love with and he was completely head over heels for you, did your perception change. 

Babies were cute to look at, but growing one inside of you? No thanks. 

You glanced at San through the bathroom mirror, white shaving cream around his face.

“Don’t you have filming with the Return of Superman today?” 

“Yep, have to make sure the beard doesn’t scratch the kids.”

You laughed again, “Beard? I haven’t seen you with a stub in how many months now, let alone a beard.”

Your eyes met in the reflection, one of his brows raised and lips puckered as if contemplating something. He then let go of the razor and gently took hold of your waist and neck, pressing his sticky cheek against yours. You yelled out and tried to push him away, but he barely moved.

“What did you say about my beard?”

“You have a beautiful beard! So pretty and well-kept!”

San smiled brightly, dimples popping and eyes creasing as he planted a wet kiss on your forehead. 

“Thank you baby!”

The white cream was washed off with extreme care, as he was afraid of wetting your clothes and hair. 

“There you go.” He threw on a gray hoodie, black hair slightly disheveled but nothing that couldn’t be fixed with you running your hand through it. 

“I’d say thanks, but you’re at fault.”

He rested his hands on your hips, thumbs sneaking underneath the white fabric of your blouse to caress the soft skin beneath. “You’re lucky I love you.” 

Your twentieth lap around the world was filled with many experiences and emotions. You finally moved out of the countryside to the big city and found an apartment in the middle of Seoul. As much as you loved the feeling of freedom and independence you also despised it. Not having anyone waiting on you by the door, no home cooked meals or clean clothes neatly made on your bed reminded you of what you left behind. 

Although it was hard to adapt at first you managed and with the help of a friend you quickly adjusted to the busy city life. As someone wise once said; after rain came sunshine, and your sunshine was San. The boy your friend introduced you to when you still had little to no knowledge of Korean pop groups besides the older generations and singing ring-ding-dong no repeat.

At the time he was just San, a funny and caring friend you could be yourself with, occasionally going out to secluded shops for coffee and pastries. You never questioned the scenery and request of privacy, always giving people the benefit of the doubt, until a girl stopped you on your way to a morning class with the demand you tell her who you were and what connection you had to her Sannie. 

With a trembling voice you answered her truthfully, debunking any conclusions she already made up in her mind.

You didn’t go to school that day or home for that matter either, scared to be followed and questioned again by a potential lover or side-piece so you did the next best thing; stopped by a 7-eleven and spent your morning there before taking the first train to your sister’s unannounced, spilling everything like an overflowing bucket.

As the mature woman she was, she spurred you on to ask San. Saying you deserved answers to your questions and to potentially clear up any misunderstandings – if there were any of that is. 

The moment you told him about the girl, he came forward with who he was, something he admitted he should’ve done immediately, but didn’t for two reasons: a) you allowed him to be himself with no walls and b) he was worried the truth would scare you away. Heck, you were already chased just by being near him and you didn’t even know anything. To your luck, the girl wasn’t his girlfriend or a crazy ex, but a fan and San was an idol.

A few weeks after his confession your friendship progressed and blossomed into a beautiful relationship. You could proudly call him yours in the privacy of your apartment and he could wrap his arm around you – face masks and caps on of course – scaring the prying eyes of other men. He filled your solitude with the comfort and love you missed so dearly.

“Honey, have you seen my gray hoodie? I can’t find it in your wardrobe.” San stood before your closet, torso exposed and an expensive towel you can’t remember the brand of wrapped around his hips.

You were in the kitchen brewing coffee for the both of you. A plain yet pretty dress stuck tightly to your form, “Mmm, I think it’s in the basket with all the other clean clothes.”

The taps of his bare feet filled your apartment accompanied by a gasp seconds later.

“Did you find it?”

Large arms slinked around your waist and pulled you into San’s chest, he nuzzled his nose against the bare spot on your neck before peppering it with tender pecks, “Thank you, honey.”

“Always, baby. Here’s your coffee.”

You gingerly handed him the cup, but San had other plans. Ever-so-gently he titled your head sideways as his lips met yours. It was soft and made your stomach swoop as if going down a steep roller coaster. 

San had that effect on you no matter what he did. 

“You have to…get dressed or…we’ll be late,” you said between kisses. 

His chest vibrated against your back as he hummed in delight, “This is worth getting in trouble for.”

“I’m sure it is, but I don’t think Wooyoung will appreciate that.”

“I don’t care.” 

A laugh bubbled out as you rewarded him with one last kiss to the cheek. Eventually you both parted ways. San went first, wearing an obligatory cap and mask while meeting up with his manager further down the street and you followed shortly after, taking the commute to your workplace. 

“So,” you started after placing the pot on the table between your plates, immediately filling San’s, “my parents invited us to theirs next week.”

He nodded, “I think I can make it, but I’ll have to double-check with the guys and managers.”

It was the first date night in weeks where both of you were free from work and had enough energy to meet up. You originally invited all the boys, but San was keen on keeping you to himself, claiming he wanted some alone time. If it were up to him he’d see you everyday even for just five minutes, arguing that the short time could give him the motivation to work harder. In return you reminded him the journey from his dorm to your place was a thirty minute long drive without traffic, the energy he’d get would evaporate in seconds.

“It’s okay if you can’t make it, Sannie. I know you guys have a lot to do, especially with the release of your new album.”

“Mmm, don’t worry about that. We’ll see first, but I’m telling you now. I want to go.” He reached for your hand across the small table and you returned the sentiment with a squeeze before beckoning him to eat.

You took notice of his upturned lips and crescent moon eyes. It wasn’t an unusual sight, San was always in a good mood and when he wasn’t he still mustered up a smile warm enough to brighten your day.

“What are you smiling about?” You teased, carrying a grin of your own.

“You should have seen the kids the other day, they were so cute.”

“Oh, it completely slipped my mind to ask. How was it?”

“It was fun and they were so, so cute. All of them really.”

“I can imagine, Sannie.”

“I don’t want to say too much, you still have to wait for the episode, but ohhh! I can’t stop smiling.”

You chuckled and enjoyed seeing your boyfriend suffer a hard case of baby fever. San loved kids, put that man near a kid and anyone in one mile radius would see it. That was how you found out. 

You were babysitting your niece one random Thursday night, your brother claiming ‘you owed him’ for something you did in your childhood days that was long forgotten. San asked if you were free that same night, but you sadly turned him down, briefly explaining the situation and voilá. The date was moved from a five star restaurant to your living room with blankets and ice cream and a toddler with bigger love for Bluey than her aunt.

San’s love for kids wasn’t something he expressed with you, but rather something you saw through gentle touches and light coos, a few stolen pecks here and there.

It wasn’t an issue to you. In all honesty, it was attractive because how many men did you know who actually showed interest in their children? How many dads knew their kids’ birth dates or their favorite ice cream flavor?

And yeah, you felt the same. Your nieces and nephews were cute, especially when they wore matching clothes for Chuseok and Christmas. Don’t even get you started on their birthday costumes.

But it wasn’t enough to make you want one. 

It wasn’t worth the nine month long journey of fatigue, mood swings, nausea, stretch marks and not to mention the painful process of giving birth and what came after; potentially loss of teeth, tearing the perineum, hair loss… the list is truly endless.

Not wanting kids wasn’t a problem until you stumbled into San who carried a love big enough for the whole population of South Korea. 

“I can’t wait till we have kids,” San admitted as you stuffed your mouth with a spoonful of rice.

The clock hanging above the kitchen entrance didn’t freeze but you sure did. The words would make anyone squeal and melt at once, however they washed over you like a big cold wave in the atlantic ocean and sent your food into the wrong pipe. San jumped up from his seat and patted your back while opening a can of coke with his other hand. 

“Drink this.” He pushed the beverage in your hands and waited to make sure you were alright. The coughing didn’t stop but at least you could breathe. “Better?”

You sent him a nod, not trusting your voice to keep its cool. San didn’t question the lack of response to his blunt statement nor why you nearly choked to death. The night ended with you two hastily filling the dish machine and cuddling together on the couch with you laying on top of him. A boring movie played on the big TV while you basked in each other’s embrace. 

Halfway through the movie you cleared your throat, not being able to shake the conversation from earlier, “You want kids?”

“Not right now, but someday,” San said, one hand under his head and the other rubbing your back. He then glanced down at you. “Don’t you?”

You turned so your chin rested on his chest, noses almost touching and his peppermint breath fanning your face.  The simple two letter word was stuck in your throat, and like the coward you were you swallowed them down with guilt. You shot him a quick smile and even manually crinkled your eyes to make it more believable.

Twenty minutes later and San was out like a light, the hectic schedules and plenty of sleepless nights getting to him in the end. Sleep didn’t come as easy to you. Mind too occupied with thinking, thinking and more thinking. Tears blurred your eyes and you didn't know if they were from the stuffy room or the guilt bubbling in your abdomen. 

The incident was pushed under the rug in your living room, neither bringing it up again nor the topic of a future family, mainly because you were both drowning in work and adult responsibilities. The days passed in a flash and when Friday came around San was parked outside the building early in the morning, welcoming you with a preheated seat and a cup of steaming hot coffee. 

“The twins and their kids are the only ones who could come. Mimi-unnie’s little ones caught the flu and Jin couldn’t get away from work.”

Coming from a rather small family and then moving in with seven men he considered brothers was quite the change for young San, so hearing that neither Mimi or Jin, and their respective families, could make it made him deflate.

“That’s unfortunate. We haven’t seen them in a long time.”

“Yeah, but at the same time I can already feel the headache coming from having seven kids running around all day.”

“That’s how Hongjoong must feel all the time.”

The image of seven twenty-something-year olds running around as toddlers and an exhausted Hongjoong not far behind them popped up in your head and brought out a laugh. Then last week’s phone call with your mother interrupted the vision and you got serious again. 

“Did you bring spare clothes? Mom said they were warning of a rainstorm.” 

“Yep. It’s in the trunk with your things.”

Your hands rested on your lap and San, feeling the need to touch you, gently intertwined your fingers with his and placed a kiss to the back of your hand. He occasionally withdrew when changing gears before resuming his hold. The ride was long and by the time you arrived you were exhausted despite not doing anything but passing San snacks every once in a while. 

Squeals of joy and multiple little feet padding against the hardwood floor had your lips curling upwards as you opened the door. You crouched down and were greeted with two kids catapulting in your embrace.

“Hello little chicks,” you said and planted a kiss on the crown of their heads.

“Did you miss us?” Borah asked, her small hands tightening around your neck leaving barely any room for her little brother. 

Before you could reassure her the door opened behind you and in came San, thus stealing the lovely cuddle session right from beneath your nose.

“Uncle San!”

He lifted both children in his arms and beamed at their giggles and kicking legs. You craned your head up, eyes trailing up to San’s closed ones, and your heart swelled with love. He looked like he belonged right there surrounded by tiny humans with toothless smiles and snotty noses.  

A tug at your sleeve had your head whipping forwards, “Kai,” you cooed at the youngest of the batch earning a blurb of happy noises.

The hallway proceeded to be crowded by the rest of the house. Hugs and kisses were exchanged with your family and out of the corner of your eyes you could see San exchanging a firm handshake with your father.

“You’re right in time for dinner!” Your mother gleefully exclaimed and ushered you inside, the little ones slinking around her legs like overly fed kittens mooching for more food.

The first hour was spent catching up and talking about everything you’ve missed out on in each other’s lives. Your father initiated small talk with San, asking him about the drive there and if he had a lot of work even wondering how the rest of Ateez were doing. To your relief your parents treated him as their third son and your siblings weren’t opposed to the idea of another brother.

You sat in between Jun and Jisoo – his wife – giving her all of your attention. Apparently she was in the middle of her second trimester, something you just found out. You sent Jun a quick glare and a whack to the back of his head, and as he was about to fight back he slumped back in his seat all thanks to the stern eyes of his wife.

“Here let me help you, mom.” 

San ventured into the open kitchen and took the plates from your mother’s hands. She tried stopping him but it was to no avail, once a gentleman, always a gentleman. So she did the next best thing. 

“Are you not embarrassed Jun? Sitting on your rear while the guests prepare the table!”

“I’m a guest too?!” He cried and Jisoo stifled a laugh behind her palm, the other hand rubbing her swollen belly.

“Yah, guest my ass. It’s your house as much as it’s mine so get over here before I rip your ear off.”

San stood by the table and waited for another chance to interfere, or as Jun liked to call it ‘buttering up to the in-laws’. You creeped up behind San and leaned your cheek against his bicep.

“You good?” He wrapped his arm around your waist and pressed a lingering kiss to the side of your head. If someone knew what it meant to be separated from family then it was San, having not seen his own parents in how many years now?

“I’m perfect,” you replied and discreetly created some space between you as the rest of the family entered the kitchen. 

Unlike San, you weren’t very keen on showing public affection especially as you guys never did it due to him being a literal celebrity. You had no problem showering him with love behind closed doors, but it was different with so many people around and in front of your parents nonetheless. That was just forbidden, almost illegal in your books. 

As if they hadn’t done the deed at least four times–

“Well go on, why are you standing there like sheep waiting for Lassie.”

Everyone swammered the table per your mother’s request. You, San and Borah sat on one side of the table with your mother and father on each end, and Jun, Jisoo and Hana across from you.

“How is work, sweetie?”

You faced your mother as she filled your plate with food and you practically tore the spatula from her hands.

“It’s good. There’s a lot now that people are on vacation, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“You’ve always been a hard worker,” she grumbled. “And how are you otherwise?” 

Your brows furrowed, “I’m great too. What do you mean?” 

She stared you dead in the eyes, making sure you were looking at her too, and flickered her gaze down to your stomach and back up again three times.

“I am healthy.”

The bite you tried to hide slipped out and she couldn’t help but scoff. 

“Of course you’re healthy. I don’t give birth to sick babies.”

You don’t know when your mother turned so…sour. When her gentle touches turned to pinches and words of endearment became sneers of displeasure. Over one summer she had changed drastically and called every two to three weeks, asking the same questions, hoping for different answers.

“At least someone here is eating for two.”

The sentence struck you right in the heart and it bothered you how easily she got under your skin. As if prioritizing yourself brought shame on your whole family tree, it wasn’t like she didn’t have a soccer team of grandkids already.

Your sister-in-law smiled timidly and you couldn’t help but feel sorry for her being put in the spotlight just because of your mother’s pettiness.

“Oh, that reminds me, San-ah! We watched your Return of Superman episode,” Hana said excitedly. 

“Who do you like more, uncle San, me or Jaeyul?”

“Mmm, that is a hard question, Borah. How about this, I’ll tell you if you promise to keep it a secret?”

The five year old immediately nodded and San – keeping his promise – gently whispered in her ear, “You.” 

A gasp slinked out of her lips and she threw her hands over her mouth, the two exchanged a look and San made a zipping motion over his lips, a gesture Borah copied. 

“Wah, you’re so good with kids San-ah,” Jun complimented.

“I was just about to say that! We couldn’t stop smiling, it was so endearing. All of you, really,” your sister added and pushed her thick glasses up against her nose. 

San straightened at the praise. A dust of red covered his face accompanied with a bright smile. 

“I just love kids.” 

“Then it’s about time you get some, don’t keep us waiting any longer.”

Your body tensed and your grip on the spoon tightened. Your mother talked about the matter as if babies were truly delivered by storks and not an almost year long process. You kept your gaze on your plate, not daring to meet anyone’s stares, not when you could feel San’s bore into the side of your face. You two had yet to talk about the future and it wasn’t something you were ready for, especially not after his random burst of baby fever. 

San cleared his throat, “Well I’d rather first put a ring on your daughter’s finger, if that’s alright with her.”

Oh, how you loved this man. 

You didn’t need things to be official to know how you felt about San. A scribble of paper and a ring on your finger wouldn’t make your love more real, but you knew if San asked the big question you’d say yes in a heartbeat.

Heat ran through you, from the center of your heart to the tips of your toes, and it was hard to suppress the smile fighting its way on your face. The twins ‘oh-ed’ loudly, Jun even made the table into a makeshift drum as Borah and Jisoo jumped on the teasing wagon. Your father smiled at the scene before him. It was about time you got married, he thought but kept it to himself. Your mother on the other hand wasn’t all too pleased. As much as she wanted you to marry before conceiving, she didn’t want to wait any longer than necessary and with how your life was going, a marriage wasn’t an event in any of her five future calendars.

“Are we supposed to call you Mrs. Choi now?” 

A hard smack resounded in the house with a groan.

The dinner ended with no more personal questions about your and San’s relationship as all the attention was diverted to Jun and Jisoo’s unborn baby. Now you were all gathered in the living room, except for Jisoo who long passed out in Jun’s childhood bedroom. 

“Auntie.” Borah grabbed at your elbow, her legs stretched over your thighs as she sat in San’s lap with her head resting against his chest. 

“Yes, flower?”

Her eyes were droopy and she barely stayed awake despite the loud conversation of the adults. You inched closer to her to easily decipher her slurring words.

“I wanna sleep with you and uncle San.”

“Mmm, you want to cuddle with us?” She nodded tiredly. “Lemme ask uncle San first, okay flower?”

You caressed her hair and she smacked her lips before readjusting herself in San’s arms. Despite balancing between sleep and consciousness she was determined to know his answer. 

It didn’t take much more than a gentle ‘Sannie’ for you to catch his attention, “Borah wants to sleep in our bed. Is that alright with you?” 

He glanced down at the usually sugar rushed child and chuckled at her passed out form. “Of course. Here, I’ll tuck her in.”

While he went upstairs, easily navigating through the house from the previous visits, you stepped foot in the kitchen. The dishes from the dinner had just been pushed aside by your mother as she was dead set on everyone spending more time together, not allowing anyone entry in the kitchen unless it was to get more food. 

Although she was challenging your patience for the past five hours, you still loved her dearly so washing the dishes was the least you could do without blatantly saying it.

“And what do you think you’re doing?” 

Speak of the devil and they shall appear.

“Nothing, making your life easier.”

“Oh, please. My life hasn’t been any easier since you moved out. Constantly worrying about you.”

“Really, mom? There’s nothing to worry about plus it’s not like I’m alone. I have San.” You rinsed a plate and stacked it on the rack to your left.

“I know…That’s what I’m afraid of.”

A glass nearly slipped out of your hands. Your confused eyes met her worried ones and you bit the inside of your cheek, not really understanding what she was getting at.

“Why…I’m sorry, what are you exactly…afraid of?” 

The anxiety grew like weeds in your mind at her gentle whisper of your name. Did she not like San? But that was impossible; she practically referred to him as her favorite son-in-law. 

“Don’t you think it’s time you two get serious?”

“Okay!” You dropped the sponge in the sink and placed your soapy hands on your hips. “You really need to stop talking in riddles or my head is going to explode from anxiety.”

“There you go again with that anxiety. It’s not real!”

“Nope! Don’t try to change the subject. Say what you really mean or just stop talking, mom I swear it’s the only chance I’m giving you to be outright honest with me.”

A beat of silence passed and then another. Just as you thought she was backing down, the second most outrageous thing of the day came out of her mouth.

“Get married to San before he leaves you for someone else.”

You scoffed, “Unbelievable. You’re unbelievable.”

The rag hanging off your shoulder was snatched as you used it to dry your hands, but the anger proved that to be difficult so you bolted up to your room, not bothering with bidding anyone a good night’s sleep. You just needed to get away from the tension downstairs and, believe it or not, you craved San’s comfort.

Anger clouded your vision and all rational thoughts were pushed aside as you threw the door open, scaring San and nearly arousing little Borah. As much as you wanted to slam it shut, you couldn’t. Instead you did the childish-angry thing where you swing the door with all your might and stop it just as it was about to close and create an atomic-like explosion. 

San rose from his comfortable position on the pink fluffy carpet that teenage-you chose, eyes wide in alarm and arms reaching for you. 

He had changed out of the black hoodie and gray suit pants and into something more comfortable; a satin black pajamas you gifted him for Valentine’s day with a pair of semi-rimless glasses perched on his nose. Something about the look made him so domestic your anger nearly disappeared into thin air. 

“Woah, woah. What’s wrong?” 

You hid your face in your hands and San wasted no time taking you in his arms, bringing your body close to him. The motion had you sighing deeply as you exhaustively sunk into his embrace. San didn’t push for an answer and for that you were grateful. He rubbed your back and kissed your temple, nose and cheek.

“It’s my mom,” you eventually whispered.

“You wanna talk about it?” 

You didn’t move at first, weighing your options. Sharing the harsh words of your mom would lead to a conversation you weren’t ready to take. So you shrugged and clasped your hands around his torso. 

“Yes and no.”

“Okay, come here.” 

He gave you another kiss before moving you so your back was against his chest and shuffled over to the bed. He sat down by Borah’s feet, careful not to wake her, and pulled you between his legs dangling over the edge of the queen sized bed. His hands found home on your stomach immediately easing you off your anger. 

“We’ll do whatever you feel like. We can talk about it if you want or I can just listen to you, but if you don’t want to we won’t. We can find something else to do. It’s up to you, honey.”

You took his hands in yours and examined his each and every finger. A wave of nervousness washed over you and a distraction was needed to untangle your tied tongue. 

“She just said some…mean things I guess.”

“About you?”

You nodded silently. “About us.”

San hummed and you honestly expected a stronger reaction, but you should’ve known better. 

He was rational and never really lashed out, at least not that you knew of. You’d never seen him angry enough to act on it.

“She didn’t mean anything ill thought, but you were the starting point of it.”

“Look at me?”

As you faced him his eyes immediately found yours and in them were swirls of pure affection and sincerity.

“I love you.”

The skin on your cheeks burned hot and your lips curled into an embarrassed smile. The confession sent a magic tingle through your body.

“Where is this coming from?”

“I love you,” he said again, not satisfied with your response.

“I love you too, Sannie.”

“Good. Don’t worry ‘bout what your mom says. I love you and nothing will change that.”

Reassuring words and mellow touches. 

“Nothing?”

Not even your fear of childbirth? 

Or the idea that the two of you never may have children?

“Nothing, my love.”

And if he noticed the turn your smile took – going from happy to sad – he didn’t mention it. Because despite everything you couldn’t stop the gnawing thoughts of dread and what if’s from filling your mind.

“Did you watch the episode?”

“What episode?”

“The one of Seonghwa-hyung, Woo and I with the kids.”

Right, that one.

At first you didn’t purposely push it back on your agenda but the more you remembered his wish of starting a family the more chores you suddenly had to do and oh, that pile of paperwork could certainly not wait until after the weekend and when you actually had the time to watch it your phone would ping with a billion messages, every single one coming from San who insisted he craved to hear your voice and see your ‘absolutely angelic face’ – his words. 

So no. You hadn’t seen it.

“Ah, really?” He laughed at the speed you shook your head. “Well, let’s watch it together.”

“Now?”

“Mmm. Unless you don’t wanna?”

“Oh– Uhm, no! Go ahead, I’ll just change into something comfortable.”

Why he brought his laptop for a two day journey, you had no idea but apparently it worked in his favor because there you were laying on the side closest to the wall with Borah snuggled between you guys while the laptop was perched on San’s stomach, the episode playing in full swing.

Every interaction with the twins or Jaeyul made your guts twist and clench. You had to admit it was cute; so cute that your dinner almost went back up the same way it came from. You felt so bad and the worst of it all was the guilt that followed, the guilt of knowing you weren’t doing anything wrong yet you’d still be treated as if you were. 

And it was such a shitty situation, because how come that the man who’d single-handedly light up each and every star for you, also was the one to summon the clouds obscuring the night sky?

You didn’t notice San’s lingering eyes or the way his fingers itched to hold yours or the three word long question resting on his tongue. Not that he was being obvious about it. Whenever you looked at him he’d flash you that derpy smile of his and a reassuring blink that lasted a second too long. 

It may have been unclear to you, but nothing passed your radar of a brother. He did have the maturity of a boy going through early stages of puberty, but you had to give it to him, he was observant. Too observant for his own good.

“What’s going on with you and lover boy?”

Thanks to Jun’s stupidity you both were honored with dish-duties. What you didn’t know was that it was all a part of his masterplan. 

“What?”

“I don’t know I’m the one asking you.”

You glared at him and he wordlessly took the clean tray from you.

“I’m just saying, we dudes, we see when something’s wrong.”

“So something’s wrong with San?”

“Not with San.” He put the tray in place and threw the rag over his shoulder, painfully dragging out the conversation, “With you.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me?” 

“Mm-mm, there is. You’re all tense and silent, and anytime someone mentions a baby you do this thing where you disapp– Yeah, just like that!” He snapped his fingers and pointed at your face void of emotion.

“I’m just not feeling it today.”

A gasp left his mouth and he looked around almost alarmed. “Don’t tell me you’re…pregnant?” He whispered the last word as if it was a crime that could sentence you to life in prison.

Out of sheer surprise and terror you smacked the side of his head. 

“Are you out of your mind?!” You hissed back.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

“It is a no!” 

“Okay, don’t hit me again!” As you raised your arm he simultaneously threw his hands up to shield himself from your wrath. 

A third party watched the banter from the living room, his feet tucked under his thighs in a pretzel motion and tongue poking at his cheek. The three years you spent together, from the platonic start to the blossoming romance, granted you more knowledge of each other than anyone else. 

San noticed your change in behavior at the dinner table last night, after the talk with your mother and as you cozied up to him in bed. At first he brushed it off as jitters for not being home for so long and the overwhelming emotions of finally meeting everyone again, but the more he thought of it the more he realized it wasn’t like you. And he promised himself to ask you about it, he just needed to find the perfect moment when you weren’t being swammered by everyone else which proved to be nearly impossible. If you weren’t hounded by your mother or bothered by your siblings, then you were stuck with the little ones and their sticky fingers.

“San-ah.”

Hana brought him out of his thoughts.

“Do you ever see yourself having kids?”

The question threw him off guard because wasn’t it obvious? What more could he want than to start a family with the love of his life?

“Of course, but it’s not something we’ve gotten around yet. We’re not rushing anywhere either!” 

Hana nodded and took a long sip of her chamomile tea. There was something so uneasy with her watchful eyes and the slight purse of her lips that had San thinking a little too much to his liking.   

Was he missing something? 

And he really shouldn’t have asked, prod at her interest and start something he wasn’t sure he was ready for but being the curious cat he was, San couldn't help himself.

“If you don’t mind, why are you asking?”

“Mmm…you see, she’s not the brightest when it comes to children.”

That sentence sounded like an unstrung guitar being played with a dull rock underwater. If San remembered correctly, you shone the brightest around your nieces and nephews. There was never a dull moment with them, always bringing you to tears from laughing too much. He saw you with them; you were gentle, thoughtful and careful, and he was certain it had nothing to do with you sharing the same blood. 

San must have looked confused because Hana spluttered out an explanation, her hands waving around at the speed of light. 

“I’m just saying that because I know how you’re with kids. Anyone can see you love them and I know it wouldn’t be fair to you.” 

“What wouldn’t be fair?”

“Not having kids,” she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

San wanted to ask more questions yet he decided to hold his tongue. He wouldn’t be able to see the complete puzzle anyways and he knew the missing piece could only be received from one person – you.

“It’s a mutual concern of ours and we are just looking out for you.” She gave him a few pats of comfort, for what he had yet to find out, “God knows my husband would be devastated if I didn’t want kids.”

San listened silently, the frown on his face deepening with each word.

Did your sister not want kids? 

He followed her line of vision leading straight to you and then it hit him.

You didn’t want kids. 

The images of San holding a toddler that was the spitting image of him; a head too big for its body, chubby cheeks and faint brows, haunted you every night. Some dreams were more vivid than others, but they were never the same. The most recent one was of the three of you taking a walk in the park. The little girl sat on San’s shoulders wearing a purple hat with cat ears while you trailed behind them, a matching bag around your shoulder and a camera in your hands. As San turned around you caught a glimpse of their bright smiles and identical dimples. The girl saw you and stretched her arms out, a giddy ‘mom!’ tumbling out of her mouth.

That’s when you woke up in a puddle of sweat. You could barely catch your own breath as you jumped out of bed, nearly toppling to the floor in the process. 

A cloud of guilt and shame loomed over you for various reasons. Mainly for dreaming of a future you could not see for yourself. It got to the point where you stayed up all night just to avoid the dreams. You picked up more shifts at the office, working late nights and early mornings, and it was a success until you cleared your whole schedule. Then came the idea of starting a new hobby; crocheting but your patience ran out rather quickly, who knew learning a double crochet would be so difficult? 

Your guilty conscience affected your relationship with San too. Dates were painfully awkward as if you were a high school couple going on your first outing together, stealing shy glances and looking away as soon as your eyes met. 

Then it was the skinship, whenever you accidentally touched fingers or feet collided underneath the dinner table, you’d withdraw so quickly as if burned by the scorch of a hundred suns. It was almost foreign to cuddle up on the couch too, San’s hands on your lower back and your cheek against his chest. At first you didn’t think he noticed the change in your behavior, but as you laid on top of him you could feel his heart rapidly beat in your ear and hands ghost over your skin, a trail of goosebumps following his faint touch.

Neither dared to speak up about the thick tension, assuming it would all go away in due time but the closer you got to the date of Ateez leaving for their tour in Latin America, the less likely it was to subdue. 

Little did you know San wasn’t feeling any better himself. Hana’s words played in his head on a loop, creating new presumptions of what she meant. She wasn’t that straightforward with her message and San could’ve either pieced together the wrong information or been completely spot on. He’d never know if he never asked, which proved to be harder than expected.

The few times your schedules aligned you were interrupted by San’s phone – Seonghwa and Mingi checking if he was dining at yours or with them – and if it weren’t that then it was something else. The days he made sure nothing could interrupt he’d chicken out last minute and smoothly avert the attention to anything remotely more interesting.

“Did you see Mingi’s new hair color?”

“I made Jongho promise to teach you how to break an apple in half!”

“Yeosang wants to buy a puppy!”

The confidence San possessed on stage in front of thousands was plummeting to the ground. Hard and fast. It honestly baffled him how much control one person could hold over him. Not that he complained, who was supposed to make his knees weak and brain all mushy besides you?

Knees weak and mushy brain was exactly how he felt as you opened the door, revealing yourself. You wore a black and white striped sweater with a black skirt stopping midthigh. The top was slightly big so you tucked it in your skirt. A small dark bag hung over your shoulder matching your leather boots. Simple yet elegant jewelry adorned your fingers and ears. You topped it off with black see-through stockings and black coat. 

“Is this too much for a night out?”

You were stunning. 

“It’s perfect, babe.” 

He handed you a beautiful bouquet of pink and red roses mixed with fillers, the brown paper gave them an old school look. You suppressed a squeal of joy and took the flowers from him, planning to put them in a vase, but not before planting a quick and shy kiss to the apple of his cheek. Your lipstick smeared on his skin almost camouflaging with the redness crawling up his neck, attacking his ears and cheeks, luckily for him you bolted to the kitchen, embarrassed at your own gesture.

You truly were like a pair of high schoolers, but for once you didn’t feel an ounce of guilt.  Perhaps it was your consciousness pushing the thoughts away for the night as it was your last date before San left overseas. 

“Ready to go?”

San was breathtaking.

It was no surprise that your boyfriend was a work of art, but there was something different about him tonight. Dark slacks accented his hard thighs a black turtleneck covered his bulging arms and slim waist with a gray coat hung snuggly over his frame reaching his calves. You always said his natural hair color suited him the best and it was true, especially when it was slicked back with a few strands falling over his exposed forehead.

You gulped harshly, “Yup.” 

You placed your hand in his and smiled as his fingers thread through yours like the roots of a tree becoming one with the earth. Giddy smiles hid behind your masks but the sparkle in your eyes was brighter than the night sky and its million stars.

San stuffed your woven hands in the pocket of his large coat for the short walk to his manager’s car and then his hand found its long lost place on your thigh during the drive to your favorite restaurant. 

You were addicted to his reassuring words and mellow touches.

San held his breath and was fully prepared to feel your body still at the skinship or for you to slowly pull away, but when you did the complete opposite – tightening your hold on his hand – he exhaled in relief. 

The restaurant was made for celebrities to have somewhere to go and enjoy their time without noisy people and overbearing fans. They even had a no phone policy to maximize the safety and privacy of everyone inside, that way the possibility of scandals coming out were zero to none. It wasn’t everyday you went on expensive dates for obvious reasons, mainly because of San’s schedule but also because you felt bad for him paying every time. It was no secret San earned more money than you, being a literal idol, but you still made it work somehow.  

For the first time in a while you felt good beside him. The unsettling dreams and thoughts of the future were as if non-existent and you didn’t want it any other way, at least for the night. Halfway through your second glass of wine San started blabbering about the tour. You wouldn’t say he was drunk, but rather relaxed. 

“So where are you going first?”

He thought for a minute, “Mexico, Brazil, Chile and then Colombia.”

“Isn’t it your first time performing there? That must be exciting!”

“Mhm, I can’t wait to see our Latin American Atinys. I know some of them have been with us since predebut. Honestly I’d travel around the world just to meet them all.”

“That’d be the dream wouldn’t it?”

“Yeah,” he smiled, “It’d be even better if you were there with me.”

His small pout and glistening eyes made you laugh, “Because that’d be such a good idea. I can bet all my life savings it would end up in a disaster one way or another.”

“What? Why?”

You placed your utensils down, “San, honey. I don’t think you realize how popular you are, like all of twitter wants to fuck you.” 

San stopped mid chewing, his eyes wide and brows raised to the roof. The loading wheel appeared above him and he smiled embarrassingly as your words finally registered, his teeth white but the tips of his ears burned red. 

“Yah, don’t say that.” He suddenly looked away as if he wasn’t showered with compliments on a daily basis.

“Well it’s Atinys’ words, not mine.” 

“You jealous?”

The cheekiness didn’t go unnoticed by you so in an equally teasing tone, you replied, “I can’t be jealous of something I actually get to do.”

And if there was anything better than a tipsy San then it was a flustered one.

“You shy, baby?”

He shook his head with a little ‘no’ that barely reached your ears.

The rest of the date was perfect – much to your surprise – and not once did the guilt ridden thoughts infiltrate your mind, not even when you passed a happy couple pushing a stroller on your way home or when you saw, what must have been, the biggest smile of the night on San’s handsome face. For a split second you thought everything would work out in the end. You’d overcome this obstacle just like you did with the move to Seoul or with the test you nailed after months of pulling all-nighters. But only for a split second because as the clock struck midnight your night took an unexpected turn with it.

“You need a place to stay for the night?” It came out more suggestive than you intended, however you didn’t mind.

“I don’t know, did you plan to sleep tonight?”

Your pointer finger rested against your chin as you pretended to think.

“If that’s the case then you won’t be getting any sleep tonight.”

A pair of very familiar hands grabbed your hips sending an electric feeling through your body despite the skirt separating your skin from touching. Your bodies fit like two pieces of a missing puzzle. 

“I wasn’t planning on it,” you replied and threw your head back against the crook of his neck. 

“Good.”

You were a feather in San’s hand and he treated you with care. Never too rough or foul, always considerate and kind but not opposed to it if you asked. He spun you around and stared at you with a million stars in his eyes, completely and utterly lost in the beautiful galaxy that is you. 

San cupped your cheek and traced your bottom lip with his thumb. His touch stopped at the corner of your mouth, his eyes widened as you lightly bit down on his finger. Your warm tongue against his cold skin. Your parted lips pulled into a smirk and it spurred San to push his thumb deeper in your mouth, now laying completely flat against the wet muscle. The innocent yet sultry bat of your eyes drove him crazy.

Reassuring words and mellow touches. 

He wanted you. He wanted to lick and nip at your skin, paint it full of violet and crimson clover. Make your writhe and turn in his hold until breathless pleas filled your apartment. He craved you beneath him, bare and vulnerable while he worshiped your body with praises and sinful words. He wanted to make love to you.

Yet he couldn’t. 

Not when you were both haunted by your thoughts.

He slipped his thumb from your mouth taking the sexual atmosphere with it.

“Love?” 

His eyes snapped to yours and he knew then and there that the art of love wouldn’t solve any of your worries, because at the end of the night he’d still travel halfway across the world with the nagging thoughts packed between his briefs and socks.

“Is everything alright?” You gently latched onto his wrist, thumb stroking the back of his hand.

“I love you,” San suddenly confessed.

A crease formed between your brows, lips glued together and eyes almost glossy. You were taken back at the sweet words but even more so at the way he was looking at you – almost sad. 

“Where is this coming from?”

“I love you,” he repeated. 

The scene wasn’t a sense of deja-vu, that much you knew, but rather a memory from a few weeks ago. A memory that was much sweeter and domestic than now. The response San expected to hear didn’t come as quickly as he hoped and through his tipsy vision he recognized a moment of hesitation. 

“Honey?”

“I love you too, San.” 

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” He suddenly asked.

The loving touches and flirty banter went down the drain and you were left with a silence so loud and overwhelming you couldn’t think properly. 

“What?”

“I said, what’s going on in that head of yours?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean something’s got you distracted.”

“There’s nothing going on,” you insisted stubbornly.

“Absolutely nothing?”

“San…everything's fine.”

“Except it isn't! I know you enough to see the changes. You barely sleep and this is the first time in days where I’ve seen you with a real smile.”

It broke his heart to see you slink from his embrace. Arms crossing over your chest and head turning sideway.

“Honey, please talk to me.” He sounded desperate. 

“And I am. There’s nothing wrong.” 

He raked his hand through his hair. The deep sigh whirling around your apartment. 

“Don’t lie. Not to me.”

You stayed silent yet again. 

“I’m here for you, always will be.”

“I can’t,” you whispered into the august breeze.

“What?”

“I can’t tell you,” you repeated a little louder.

“Why?”

“Because you’ll hate me!” It stung San into silence. “You’ll hate me and never want to speak to me again.”

He hungered for your touch, hands itching to reach for yours and as he took a step forward you took one back.

“You can’t keep it bottled up forever, love.” 

“I can try.”

Tears formed in your eyes and your voice cracked. You tried blinking them away but they raced down your cheeks against your will.

“C’mere.”

That was all it took for you to fling yourself at him. Your hands gripped the back of his shirt, nails digging into the expensive material. One hand cradled the back of your head and the other supported your back, rubbing gentle circles against your knitted sweater. San leaned down and pressed a long kiss to your crown, lingering and breathing in the sweet scent of you.

“I can’t breathe without you by my side so if you think I’ll ever hate you, you’re wrong. My love, you could break my heart a thousand times over and I’d still find reason to love you.”

Hot tears soaked into his shirt and you wanted to disagree but the tremble of your lips told you to be quiet so you shook your head violently instead.

You stood there for a long time, in each other’s arms with soft kisses and soothing touches. The emotions swirling around the apartment were too big for your shoulders and the rational part of you knew that you wouldn’t be able to carry them with you much longer.

“I don’t want children.”

It was interesting how a four worded sentence could either be the demise or rise of a relationship. What path your and San’s would take was yet to be determined, but God did you hope it was the latter. 

The argument broke out three days ago and while you've gone months without seeing each other, these 72 hours were by far the most excruciating period of your relationship. You didn’t ever think there’d be a person you’d miss this much. To see and hold, kiss and laugh with.

The first day was spent bathing in your own tears and snot. You were forced out of work by your co-workers as they didn’t buy your lie of ‘everything being alright’. It wasn’t like you could tell them your idol boyfriend of three years ran head first out of your apartment after an argument, absolutely not because you literally told him to give you space. So from nine am to nine pm you were cooped up in your bed, crying, scrolling through your socials, crying some more until you eventually fell asleep. 

The second day wasn’t anything better, except for the three tubs of ice cream you inhaled. They were kept in the back of your freezer for emergencies such as these. With a quick pat on the back for eating something you pushed the containers aside and continued your self wallowing, dressed in one of your (San’s) hoodies that smelled of caramelized sugar. Your phone blew up with calls from your family. Everyone concerned about you suddenly going MIA, but not enough to pay you a visit which you were both thankful and bitter about.

The third following morning came around and you decided that it was time to get your shit together. You still had a job to return to and bills to pay. It was all going well too, you cleaned the apartment and got rid of all the empty ice cream tubs, made a home cooked meal for the first time in three days, you even changed your bedsheets and did the laundry. The last thing on your list was a well deserved full-body shower.

The frantic ring of your doorbell fell on deaf ears as water pattered on your bare body and the tiled floor. Your fingers worked through your hair, rubbing almost painfully at your scalp as shampoo water went down the drain. 

It was first after you cut the stream and stepped out of the shower that you realized someone was at the door. With a roll of your eyes, you leisurely squeezed the excess water out of your hair and wrapped a towel around yourself. The chime of the bell didn’t stop and you were on the brink of insanity.

There were only two people with keys to your place; San and your mom. 

Your parents had no reason for coming all the way to Seoul in the middle of the day and San…even though your relationship wasn’t in the best shape you knew he’d never turn up unannounced, whether he told you by call or text didn’t matter as long as he reached out. He said it was a way of respecting your privacy and as much as you didn’t care for that, it was heartwarming. 

6:30 PM glared the digital clock on the console table in the hallway. 

All you wanted was one normal day. A morning without spilling coffee on your clean clothes, an afternoon without stubbing your toe on the desk in your office and a night without someone trying to sell you cookies or whatnot. It’d also be so much easier to crawl beneath your sheets and cry yourself to sleep without a maniac creating the newest billboard hit outside your apartment, but hey each to their own.

As much as you wanted to swing the door open and bark out profanities at the nuisance, you knew better and opted with looking through the peeping hole. Never did you expect a soaked San to stand there, rolling back and forth on the balls of his feet while desperately abusing the doorbell.

San didn’t have time to react, neither at the door being opened nor for you appearing with only a towel. You took hold of his hand and dragged him inside to which he shut the door behind him and somehow managed to take off his shoes. You threw him a spare towel and disappeared in your room. San stood there like a kicked dog, ears flat against his head and tail certainly not wagging. A few seconds later you returned dressed in one of San’s many t-shirts and your pajama shorts, carrying a change of clothes.  

You wordlessly gave them to him and escaped to your room again. San took that as his queue to get dressed. 

The run to your apartment gave him barely any time to collect his thoughts, too busy with providing his burning lungs with air and keeping an eye out for cars and potential followers. So now that he stood, not in front of your door, but in your living room he was completely shitting his pants. 

The cold and distant facade you managed to pull off in front of him crumbled the second you crossed the threshold of your room. You really strained all seventeen of your muscles not to cry and you could argue it was your best accomplishment yet as not a single tear kissed your cheeks.

“Hey.”

You looked up from your spot on the bed. Staring at your partner who stopped by the door. Your throat was dry and itchy, brain indiciseive of what to say and do. He wasn’t supposed to be here, that much you knew. Their agency had this weird rule of not allowing their idols out a day prior to their tour and it didn’t sit right with you knowing he went against their words, for you nonetheless. 

“San, what are you doing here?”

Unsteady sleeping schedules, caffeine filled drinks and insomnia were the standard for idols. Anyone claiming otherwise was either lying straight through their teeth or had a great planning method something San could really use these days. 

San was no stranger to succumbing to sleep at the early hours of the morning or not sleeping at all. The extra time was usually put into practice or perfecting his secret project, and sometimes something simple as laying in bed staring up at the ceiling.

But now it was hard to do any of that with you taking over his every thought. He found himself wondering about things that weren’t supposed to infiltrate his mind for the next five years. 

Get married. Move in. Adopt a cat. Have kids.

A short list of things that were crossing the line between adolescence and adulthood. 

The image of you and San doing that together spread a radiant smile across his face and his roommates, clueless as ever, couldn’t stop their own mouths from curving upwards. There was truly no other person he could think of doing any of that with and his heart was heavy as he realized he may never complete the list.

It took three calls from Seonghwa for San to acknowledge the older man sitting on the edge of his bed beside the open and empty suitcase. 

“Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

Seonghwa leaned back on his arms keeping him from completely falling on the bed and stared at San’s computer screen, nonchalantly watching as he played one of his many games. The elder had come straight out of his own room from finishing a youtube live – a youtube live San crashed for a good fifteen minutes before abruptly leaving – and although Atiny probably didn’t notice the change of behavior in the younger Ateez member, Seonghwa did. 

San sighed as the last character of his team died and the word ‘defeat’ flashed in large capital letters took over the majority of the screen. 

“San-ah.”

Said man placed his expensive headset on the desk and twirled in his chair, and Seonghwa had a feeling the glum look on his features wasn’t from losing the game. 

“I’m not saying you aren’t. I’m just checking if there’s something bothering you. Something I can help you with?” 

The prolonged silence did nothing to soothe Seonghwa’s worries. He closely watched the hesitation slowly crack through San’s facade – bottom lip caught between his teeth, picking at his nails and eyes glazed over, darting literally everywhere except at Seonghwa.

Cautiously, he asked if it had something to do with you and his suspicion was confirmed when their eyes met. 

“It’s…complicated.”

“How so?”

“Because I thought of a thing and it turns out I was right.”

Seonghwa tried asking as few questions as possible to not overwhelm San, but the conversation wasn’t giving him much to work with.

“And what were you thinking about?”

San ran his hands through his black hair and looked as if he was racking his brains, he then violently rubbed at his eyes too. It was one thing to think about the whole situation and another to say it out loud, possibly speaking it into existence. 

“You don’t have to te–”

“Starting a family.” 

The trip to your hometown really did a number on him, Seonghwa thought. 

Cheeks red and palms sweaty, San cleared his throat. A little embarrassed at the confession and for cutting Seonghwa off so abruptly.

“I was thinking of what it’d be like to start a family with her.”

“Starting a what with who?”

Mingi stood in the doorway with parted lips and eyebrows raised to the roof, wet tufts of blonde and black hair peeked from underneath the towel on his head.

“It was just a thought.”

“And there’s nothing wrong with it,” Seonghwa assured.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t really matter.” 

“How come?” Mingi pressed, now leaning against the door.

“Because she doesn’t want a family…or well, at least not kids.”

Seonghwa and Mingi exchanged glances. All of Ateez knew of San’s adoration for kids. Heck, Seonghwa had front row seats to it and all. He remembered thinking how skilled San was with the twins and even with the energized boy. 

But none of it mattered now. If what San said was true – which he had no doubts about – then your choice went above everyone else’s, including San’s. 

“And how do you feel about that?”

San looked at the eldest. “There’s nothing I can do about it. I mean, sure I love kids I do, but I love her more.”

“Then I don’t see what the issue is,” Mingi chimed in. 

“It’s still a bitter situation Mingi, and Sannie has the right to feel…upset. Have you talked to her?” 

San groaned and buried his face in the palms of his hands, thinking back how it all escalated so quickly. The split second he tried processing everything, you’d already decided it was time for him to leave and pushed him out, crying how you needed to be alone. Too stunned to properly react, San did as told.

“I walked out…”

Dread filled their guts as Mingi and Seonghwa patiently waited for the remainder of the story. They hoped San wouldn’t say what they were thinking.

“She confided in me at first and then pushed me away, screaming at me to go and I…listened. ”

“Well that changes the trajectory of things don’t you think?” Mingi said after the minute long silence and Seonghwa shot him a pointed look.

“San, we are not leaving for the tour until you talk to her,” Seonghwa declared. 

The elder had no lover of his own, but he had seen enough movies to know how these situations ended. Spoiler alert: a painful break up for both parties.

San shrugged, “I’m sure Hongjoong would like that.”

“And you don’t think your girlfriend would? Listen here. We’re supposed to leave for the airport at seven am, I’ll give you the night if you make amends.”

Seonghwa stopped before San, a wide smile on his gorgeous face. “Besides, a family doesn’t become a family when a child is brought into it. If you think about it, the three of us and the rest of the guys are like a family, right?”

“We are a family,” Mingi corrected.

“Exactly. So who’s to say you two aren’t one too?” 

“I’m here to do what I should’ve done days ago.”

It was hard to look him in the eye. The sincerity in them had your heart in knots, tugging and tightening with your every breath. 

“Can I come in?”

San had his arms by his side and hands balled into fists to keep them from trembling. There was no doubt in his mind that you’d be in his arms by the end of the night, but it didn’t stop his pulse from skyrocketing.

“You’re already here.” 

A faint, appreciative smile crossed his features as he gingerly took the seat beside you. There was no real malice to your words and he was thankful because honestly speaking he wouldn’t know what to make of it if you still needed ‘time’. San straightened and breathed out a sigh as if letting go of all his nerves.

“I want to start by saying; I’m sorry.”

You snapped your head towards him, confused as to why he was the one apologizing. You were the issue at hand here. You were the one depriving him of something he wished for, you pushed him away. Not the other way around. 

“I’m really sorry for pressuring you–”

“San, no–” You shook your head, tears already threatening to make their dramatic entrance.

“Just listen to me, please.” 

And his desperate plea was their queue to waltz in much to your dismay. 

San lifted your chin so he could see your face and frowned at the tears. “I'm sorry if I ever made you feel obliged to push your feelings aside for me. That has never been my intention and it never will be.”

He cupped your face gently in both hands and wiped away your remaining tears with his thumbs. It pained him to know the tears were inflicted by his doing.

“I love you.”

“San,” you whimpered, barely able to get the word out. 

“Hey, it’s okay. Just breathe for me. I’m not leaving.”

That was your breaking point. You heaved for air as more tears blurred your vision. A heavy weight lifted off your shoulders as you found solace in his words and San felt his own heart break at your wails. Feeling embarrassed you abruptly stood up and put a hand over your mouth to stop the broken cries. Staying true to his words, San hugged you from behind and pressed you into his embrace. Chin resting against your shoulder as his arms went around your waist. You stood like that until your tears ran dry and cries turned into hiccups.

San whispered words of encouragement in your ear, lips grazing the skin with each pronunciation. Your feet moved with his as he maneuvered you to bed and under the covers. A meteor could hit the earth and he wouldn't leave your side. You laid there in silence with your back to his chest. His arm under your neck and the other curled around your waist, keeping you flushed against his front. Your occasional sniffles filled the gaps letting San know you were awake.

“My love,” he started and you shifted as a reply of acknowledgement, “remember that night at your parents’ house? When your mother said something to upset you and you stormed up to your room?”

You nodded while playing with his fingers spread across your abdomen.

“Do you remember what I told you?” 

“That you loved me and nothing would change that.”

He kissed the back of your head. “I still stand by that. I love you. Not what you can or can’t give me. I love you when you cry and I love you when you laugh. I love you through your anger and grief. I love your kindness and selflessness.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, please. You should only apologize when you’ve done something wrong.”

“But I led you on. San, we want different things. You want a child–” your voice cracked and you drew in a sharp breath, “–and that’s not something I’m sure I can give you, ever.” 

“That’s not true.” He sat up and leaned over your body, “I wanna cuddle you to sleep and wake you with breakfast in bed. I want us to buy furniture and assemble it together only to give up halfway through. I want us to bake a ridiculous cake that ends up in a flour fight. I want all of that with you!”

San planted a soft kiss against the back of your hand.

“Children or not, it won’t change the fact that I love you and I’ll continue to say it until all the trees are cut down, until the ocean dries out and all the stars go out. I love you. Always have and always will.”

His caring words drew a smile from you and the harsh knot around your heart slowly came undone. His affectionate eyes searched yours and he’d wait an eternity for your answer, but you didn’t need more time to know what you wanted. Your hands caressed the sides of his neck and with a quick pull of his neck, your lips clashed in a passionate kiss.

Reassuring words and mellow touches. 

© HONGJOONGSART 2023 - All rights reserved. Copying, editing, reposting or translating my work is not allowed.

[armpirate]

Better than fiction | Choi San

Bf experience

pairing: Idol!Choi San x fem!reader

w.c.: 4.4k

Warnings: Smut, rough sex, oral sex (female and male receiving), masturbation (female receiving), protected sex, hair pulling, choking, dirty talk, dom!San x sub!reader. (Minors DNI! Refrain from reading if you're not +18, and ignore if you don't like this type of content).

Summary: You never thought what your boyfriend's reaction to you writing fanfic would be like, but you certainly didn't expect him to end up so jealous of himself to end up making your fantases come true

Aprox. time of reading: 19 minutes

MASTERLIST

Your blood stopped running for a few seconds. You could feel the way some parts of your body went numb, only keeping your attention on the live San started not that long ago, and that you decided to hear because his voice just had that calming effect on you. It didn't matter if it was through video call, audio messages, or those lives. You could hear him talking for hours and feel at ease all the time it lasted.

Except that day.

The way he made an understanding sound, followed by a scoff, that reached the deepest side of your brain, had you almost sitting at the edge of your bed, holding your phone with your two hands. The clicking sounds of his keyboard were the only thing that could be heard, while the chat went crazy, trying to distract him from his own curiosity.

There was a thick silence that made you aware of how hard you gulped, moving over the bed, feeling uncomfortable whatever the position it was.

"I see you, guys, are having fun" he teased with a honeyed voice.

That mocking tone, and the chuckle he let out after had you silently screaming, covering your mouth with the palm of your hand.

Even if he didn't know you were part of that small group of people that loved living in delululand, although you were already in your personal fanfic every day with him, you felt exposed, more like you'd never been before. It felt like you were caught doing something wrong, even if San wasn't speaking to you directly.

You didn't know how long you stayed in your bed, laying on your back as you stared at the ceiling. Only thing you were hoping for was that San didn't bring it up the next time you saw each other.

Basically because you were bad at lying, but San was also great at noticing when you lied to him.

You raised your phone to your face after feeling it buzz, biting your lip when you were aware of his name popping up at the top of your screen.

Sannie: Babe, did you watch the live? You didn't comment today...

You could imagine him pouting, with his lips pursed while he gave a lost kitten look to his screen. And he probably would've used his thinner voice if he had said that out loud directly to you.

Usually, you'd always leave a few comments. At first it started because you just liked teasing him, and seeing him getting nervous when your username showed up in the middle of the livestream. But it ended up being something he got used to, to the point of wondering if something happened to you if you didn't do it.

You: I did! But I was busy with work, so I just heard it while doing other things.

Sannie: Oh. Do you want me to go see you tomorrow better, then?

You: Nope, come here! You owe me a lot of cuddles

Sannie: I've only been away for a week...

You: Even a day is too much. Come here when you're done, pleaseeee.

San smiled when he looked at his screen, imagining your squared smile as you tried to convince him to go to your place for cuddles. Not like he needed much to be convinced, just the idea was convincing enough, but it was always cute to see him react like that -mainly because it was something you barely did.

"We're gonna order some food. Do you want anything?" Seonghwa's head peeked through his door.

San shook his head, not even trying to hide his playful smile as he got up from his chair "I'm going to Y/n's, so don't wait for me".

"Who's ever waited for you, any way?" Mingi teased, showing up in the corridor.

"I do" Seonghwa replied, looking back with an obvious expression.

Mingi rolled his eyes "He never leaves the house unless it's to see Y/n. And we know he never sleeps in when he goes to see her".

"Send a text when you get there" Seonghwa asked him, ignoring the boy behind him.

"And tell Y/n we said hi. You're gatekeeping her" Mingi complained, continuing his way to his room.

San simply smiled at that, pleased with the way all the members grew closer to you the longer your relationship went on. It always worried him that his friends and his significant other wouldn't get on well, but with you it was an automatic click.

Could be it was that you had that type of personality that molded into everyone else's easily, finding a bit of your humor and comfort in each one of the members. And while it sometimes made San jealous, deep inside he genuinely appreciated it.

You smiled widely when, after fifteen minutes, San knocked on your door with his arms opening big as soon as you stood in front of him. His arms wrapped around your waist, squeezing you to his body and lifting you a few centimeters in the air before he was moving you back inside, kicking the door with his foot to close it.

"Did you shower?" after digging your nose in his neck, you could recognize the floral scent of his gel, which you loved.

Whenever that smell got into your system, your first reaction was to snuggle to him and hide your face on his chest. It really seemed like he got ready for those cuddles that night.

Not leaving you on the floor, but making you stand on your tiptoes over his feet -only covered with his white socks-, he started walking through the short corridor. "Yup, we had a schedule today. And I didn't want to go around all sweated" he tilted his head. "By the way, the boys say hi".

"It's been a while since I last saw them" you sighed. "Are you gatekeeping them from me?".

San rolled his eyes at that question, confirming that, in fact, you did spend too much time with them all during that year and a half.

"No, I'm gatekeeping you from them" he replied, stealing a peck from you. "Now seriously, we could plan something for the next time you're free" he suggested, stopping in the middle of your living room.

"Sure" you nodded, tapping his biceps so he'd finally let you stand on the floor again. "I'll prepare some snacks, why don't you look for something to watch".

His hands carefully put you back on the floor, while his lips were together as he saw your body disappearing behind the white door to your kitchen. He groaned, slowly taking a seat on the couch, resting his head over the backrest for a few seconds.

When he looked to his left, he could see that small surprise you prepared for him two weeks back, unable to control his thoughts as he remembered the weekend you spent together, barely moving from that corner before he left for the festival.

It was the physical reminiscence of how lucky he was to have you.

Your phone buzzed on the coffee table, having him lifting his head to look at it for a quick second before he went back to the relaxed position.

Until it finally hit him. He forgot his back in the dorm, which meant Seonghwa would be ranting at him for not announcing he arrived well, and for being careless enough to leave the house without the cell.

"Love, can I send a message through your phone? I left mine at the dorm".

"Sure" you mentioned, still places all the gummies and the cookies on a plate. "No, wait-" it was the only thing you were able to say when realization hit you.

Although you ran as fast as you could, it was already too late. Peeking over San's shoulder, you could see that he wasn't in your chats, but scrolling down a really different page. His first idea was to send the text and move on, but the notification at the top caught his attention.

You never hid your fan side. He knew you were part of the fandom as soon as you started dating, even before, so it wasn't anything new for him to hear you using Twitter slang sometimes, and knowing about some things long before he did. But that day there was an app he didn't recognize, with an ask from an anonymous person seemingly freaking out after what happened in the livestream that took place some hours back.

Time to close it all now. San will expose us to the rest of the members and, like that one, several other posts.

"Give it to me" but San moved faster, getting up from the couch to move the phone away from you.

"San x Y/n?" he frowned, scrolling down your page through some of the most recent one-shots you had posted.

He looked over some of the details, smirking when he noticed you chose the pictures where he looked best to top the stories that would come under them.

"For your own sake, stop reading" you asked, finally snitching the phone from his hands and hiding it on your back.

"Since when do you write fanfics?".

"You mean about you, or in general?".

"There's been others?" his eyebrows raised, but you could tell by the way he was smiling that he was just mocking you for your reaction. "Why are you so embarrassed? It's probably cute".

"No, it's not" you assured, scoffing after that confirmation.

"What? You paint me like a douchebag or something? Are they sad stories?" his head tilted to the side, with his smirk slowly dropping at that idea.

"No, they're actually fun for the people that read them" you muttered.

"I won't judge you. Honestly, if this is important for you, I want to know what it is".

Ever since you started dating there was nothing that he liked more than learning things about you, and adding them to his life just to make you happy. If you liked a cake with a certain flavor, he'd always manage to have it for any celebration you two made. If you liked one song in particular, he'd learn it and sign it to you, or add it to his playlist so you'd listen to it when you're together. Every small detail counted for him, and whatever it was you were hiding on your back was no different from all those things.

"They aren't sad stories. Cute neither" you nervously stated.

"Horror stories, then?" he frowned.

You shook his head, handing the phone to him "They're... explicit" you summed up.

San looked confused when he took your phone, clicking over one of the short stories. Seeing the warning in red had him gulping thick "dom!San, choking, spitting, rough sex...", eyeing you up quickly before he looked down at your screen again.

It was weird to read about himself in that context, never thinking he'd end up doing it, and even less because it came from you. When he found out earlier that evening that fans were writing that type of content, he wasn't entirely surprised, but it didn't cross his mind the idea of you being part of that niche. However, there he was, supporting his weight on his lower back -which was laying against the backrest of the thick armchair in front of your couch- while he read through one of the stories.

His heart pumped against his chest, a bit harder with every line he read. Every description, every detail, everything was so realistic yet seemed so unreal at the same time. He could almost touch the sexual tension between the two characters, before the San of the fanfic forced the main character into a rough sloppy kiss that almost made his knees tremble.

He could feel your eyes on him. And the only thing he was hoping for is that it wasn't as evident how much he liked what he was reading, while he hawked when his throat went suddenly dry at the roughness that was represented in the fanfic.

"I can delete it all" you assured him. "I will..."

"Do you like this?" he interrupted you, finally lifting his gaze to yours. "Are you into being treated like that?".

"Well, I don't know" you hesitated, confused by his question. "It's just fiction" you shrugged, stepping towards him.

"No, Y/n. Be honest. Do you think our sex boring?".

Fiction sex was blatantly different from your real sex. On fiction sex you were able to dig on those kinks you didn't know you had, but that had your whole body burning just at the thought of doing them with San. While real sex was just you two, loving each other.

"What? No" you stepped towards him, cupping his face with your hands. "They're just dumb stories I write when I'm bored".

"Or when you're horny" he muttered.

"Look, they're just fantasies, that I didn't even try. I like the idea of them, because I think it'd be hot, but that's it"

"Why didn't you tell me you liked that?"

"Because I don't want you to feel uncomfortable with it".

Despite his looks, San was the most gentle and careful person you had ever met. He'd stop the whole thing if something that he thought would hurt you or bother you happened, and you appreciated that. You loved the way he looked after you in every single aspect of your relationship. That was why you never mentioned the idea of having him spanking you, and even less choking you through sex. It'd be crossing a limit for him, and just like San took care of you when you had sex, you wanted to take care of him.

"So you do want to try it?" he asked, lifting one of his eyebrows.

After licking your lips, and softly pressing them, you ended up nodding shyly, lowering your gaze to your feet.

Something about that story didn't allow him to think straight. Maybe it was the way he could imagine you squirming and twisting with pleasure, or how loud and desperate your moans would sound -when usually they were little whispers you gifted to his ear. Or could be it was the slightest glimpse of jealousy he felt over the San in the fan fiction, who was able to pleasure his girlfriend better than he did.

He didn't give you time to react, holding your wrist before he dragged you to your bedroom. You had no time to process anything that was happening, before he made you turn on your feet and make your lips collide. San was demanding, moving your lips over yours, not giving you any other choice than trying to keep up with his pace as he held your neck with his two hands, slightly letting his fingertips dent on your skin.

A moan burned your throat when his tongue sneakily moved between your lips, meeting yours for a brief second before he was dominating the way they twirled, having your core begging for him in a matter of seconds.

He left you hanging in the middle of a fast breath, turning you around so your back was stuck to his hard chest. His hands traced the curve of your waist, with your knees trembling at the soft touch as his fingers kept moving up, taking with them the thin fabric of your old t-shirt. Once the piece of clothing was gone, his palms covered your exposed breasts, making your back arch almost perfectly.

There was something so strange at being controlled that way, or feeling like you didn't have to worry about anything because San knew perfectly what to do. And you loved it. You could feel the pool in your panties as time went by slowly, and the way your heart raced in your chest when his fingers pinched your nipples before he went back to pressing your tits with his palms.

"Did you ever touch yourself thinking about this, hmm?" his voice sounded unrecognizable. It was harsh and raspy, making its way to your guts and clicking to one part of your brain that almost made you moan the answer.

San didn't know if he wanted to know. He could understand you touching yourself because he was away, but because he wasn't pleasuring you like he should? He couldn't deal with that.

He didn't let you answer. As he saw the way you gulped and took a deep breath to let him know, his hand flew to your covered pussy, sliding his fingers over it until it was completely covered by his palm.

You desperately seeked for his lips, this time starting the sloppy kiss. Trying to keep your balance while standing on your tiptoes, while your head went in circles was suddenly the most difficult task.

Although you knew San had you.

He grinded against you, letting you feel his growing bulge against your ass while his hand slipped inside your panties. He wasn't able to hold back the moan when your wetness coated his fingers as soon as he slid them through your slit, just being able to think of how good his cock would slip in and out of you with barely any effort.

"Can you feel how hard you made me, babe?" the circles on your clit were barely leaving any room for your brain cells to work properly, although you were still able to pick up some of the things he said. "Time for you to do something about it, right?"

Your hips collided against the headboard with every deep thrust he made, making you feel completely trapped between the wall and his body, thinking that probably your pain senses were too fucked by pleasure to be able to feel hurt at the way it kept bouncing against the hard surface.

San enrolled his fingers on your jaw, moving your head up slightly to give your back the perfect curvature, so your pubic bone would come up against the bottom of his cock and giving his thrusts the perfect angle so his tip would end up rubbing against that spot that had you whimpering and grinding against him in a matter of seconds.

"All this time wanting to try this, and you're barely able to take it" he groaned, with a shaky voice due to the power of each one of his movements.

All the times you thought of being in that situation, San was harsh, he was animalistic, just like he was being in that moment. But you didn't count with the extra threat that were his hips. You should've known better than pushing a dancer, mastered in body rolls and hip thrusts, to his limits. He found the best position for him, having you completely caged so his only worry would be pounding in and out of you, concentrating on the killing move of his hips, letting you feel all of him inside of you, but also making your skin clap every time.

You scratched your thighs, having nothing else to your reach as your head was held up "Please" you moaned. You don't know what you were begging for. Pleasure just felt a little bit too much to contain it for any longer, you just wanted it to blow and have it leaving your system.

"Please what?" San forced your body a bit higher, sinking his teeth on your collarbone. "Use full sentences, babe".

"Please, don't stop" you begged, your voice cracked in need.

He wasn't going to stop. And even less after seeing you like that. There was nothing that could make him prouder than seeing you being a mumbling mess for his cock, sure that he was closer to losing himself completely to his most basic instincts just to have you looking like that for the rest of the night.

The echo of the slap made you squirm rather than the itch that his palm left after it, making your pussy instantly clench around him, with your walls closing tight around him as if you didn't want him to leave you empty ever again.

"You take me so fucking good" he hoarsed, circling your swollen clit with two of his fingers.

With his eyes fixed on you the whole time, he was able to tell the exact moment you were going to cum. He saw that spark in your eyes, momentary and fast, but strong enough for him to see it before your eyes went blank with a long moan, that sounded in sync with the way your legs trembled and your body convulsed on his.

He wanted to drink the last drop of your high, moving your neck so your face would be towards him, taking your lips in his with freedom while you blindly followed his moves, weakly sucking on his lower lip.

At that point you could only feel the way San moved on the mattress, dragging your body along with his until the two of you were kneeling in the middle of the bed. Although he tried to let go of that caring side to please you, you could sense it was still there, taking over him for a brief moment as he made you roll on the bed and lie on your back, carefully to not hurt you, and making sure at all times that you were okay.

One of his hands rested on your stomach, caressing the spot between your belly button and your pubes as he waited for you to recover. When you looked up to him, you felt so small... San was big, but that night he felt twice his size. The way he looked at you, brushing his hair back to expose some of the sweat drops that stopped right on his eyebrows, giving you what you had named as his "stage gaze" had your pussy throbbing again.

Your body squirmed when he leaned over, moving his tongue over your clit to steal a whine from you before he sucked on the bundle of nerves.

He swore one day he'd be completely addicted to your taste.

San slipped his full length back again, only warning you with his tip pressing on your entrance before he was stretching you out in that new position. He was completely lost in the way you looked, eyebrows slightly furrowed, lips parted as you weren't able to breath through your nose anymore, and tits bouncing with every thrust he made. Only to go feral when he lowered his eyes a bit more to find his cock covered in your arousal whenever he moved it out, hiding himself in your walls not even a mini second after. Whole shaft was shiny with your juices, with some white thicker cream on the base.

"The mess you made on my cock..." he scoffed, squeezing your flesh. "My girl does love to be treated like a hole meant to be used by me only, hmm?".

At the lack of response from you, other than the way your fists closed on the sheets and some of the whimpers you tried to keep hidden in your mouth by pressing your lips together, San moved his fingers around your throat again. His digits' pressure on your skin tightened with every thrust, giving you one thin line that allowed air to make it to your lungs. His left hand kept you glued to the bed, that squeaked under you a little bit louder as time went by, while his other hand hooked around your knee, keeping it as high and spread as possible.

The eye contact, the grunts, and his cock rubbing deliciously on your walls... All of it was the perfect mix for a ticking bomb in your guts that started a countdown to wipe everything out.

"Are you going to cum again for me?" he teased, recognizing that spark in your eyes again. "Let go, babe. Cum around me".

He combined those words with the twirls the fingers on his right hand were doing on your clit, feeling it throb on his digits before you reached your orgasm with a loud moan, arching your back in a way he thought it would break.

"Come here and make me cum now, love"

You crawled on the mattress to where he was, smirking at him as you took the condom off. He growled over you when your lips wrapped around him, barely giving him any time to get used to the subtle breeze in your room before he was feeling warm again. Your head bombed fast, eager to feel the way his cock twitched against your tongue when you least expected, while your hand matched the movements of your mouth.

San guided the way your head moved, with his fingers grasping on some of the lock of your head to move you a bit faster, while his hips just buckled against your mouth. He just needed one last flick of your tongue on one of his veins, and he was already spilling his seed in your mouth with a deep moan.

You still licked him off for a bit more, cleaning him completely, until there was no trace of everything you had done.

"Spit it here" he hollowed his hand at the height of your lips.

You bit your lower lip, moving your body to be on the same height as he was and confront that confused expression he was giving you.

"I swallowed it" the pride and playfulness in your voice made him smile, and break character almost instantly.

He moved right after you did, placing his hands on your hips while your arms wrapped around his neck.

"Was it better than fiction?" his head tilted as he asked that question.

"It was better than fiction" you admitted, playing with the sweaty locks on his nape. "Did you like it, too?".

San nodded, curving his lips slightly "More than expected, actually".

Before you could smile widely in relief, your boyfriend leaned over to kiss you, gently and caring, moving his lips sweetly over yours to get rid of any drop of his saltiness. "Let's clean ourselves, and let me give you those cuddles you were asking for earlier, alright?".

San helped you move out of bed first, holding your hand carefully so you wouldn't fall, joining in front of you right after. He stopped midway, having you looking at him confused. "Let me tell Seonghwa I arrived well. I forgot to send him the text".

"Go, I'll wait for you in the shower"

As he stepped away from you and turned around, you couldn't help yourself. Your palm smacked against his ass, having him turning at you surprised, giving you an eye smile before he shook his head and made his way to the living room.

It was a good thing he found out about fanfiction after all.

[thetypingpup]

imagine a hybrid fox wooyoung

he is very tactile and sensitive, it is important for him that you devote 100% of your time to him, because he is so attached to you, so wants to be needed and loved, and you are the center of the universe for him.

he always wants to be close to you, wraps his tail around you and buries his nose in your neck, inhaling your scent, purrs and purses his ears when you caress him, makes cute sobs and whines, dissolving into your touch. I think he is obedient, but at the same time a little cocky and possessive. Sometimes he likes to act like a brat and is so obsessed with the idea that you care about him. and it belongs to you. Just as he dreams of smelling you and having you make him yours, claim him, he is equally obsessed with showing everyone that you belong to him and smell like him, this makes him the happiest

he wants to be your good boy so bad, wants to be your only good boy. he leans into your touch when you pet him, nuzzling your hand and humming in bliss the entire time. he quickly gets consumed by the need to be surrounded by you, wanting you to completely envelop him. when he wraps his arms and his tail around you, he not so subtly begs you to do the same thing, wanting to just be encased in your scent and your warmth. the thought of having your scent on him is enough to get him off, and he's definitely gotten off to the thought more than one restless night, (not so) quietly whimpering as he frantically strokes his cock and takes in your scent. biting would be one of his favorite things, because he can easily get everything he wants. he can get your attention, rile you up, and mark you as his, all at once. scent marking is another, and your naughty little fox definitely makes a habit of turning you on, then stealing your ruined panties and rubbing them all over his face and neck. the scent of your arousal is quite literally his favorite perfume, and although it's imperceptible to most humans, other hybrids will get the message that he's yours and he's the only one who can know you so intimately, and he fucking loves it. when you let him between your legs, he takes ample time nuzzling your thighs, leaving his scent right around the apex of your thighs so the smell of your arousal will be intertwined with his. half the time when he goes down on you, he teases you with light licks, partly so you'll take control and yank his hair to tell him to get on with it, partly so he can just sit there and take in your scent for as long as you'll let him. your scent is just so intoxicating to him, so addictive, and he'll happily do whatever it takes just so you'll let him breathe you in a little while longer. very sweet, and definitely has his teasing bratty moments, getting a kick out of working you up just so you'll manhandle him into submission. he loves the fact that it's you putting him in his place, and that you're so affected by what he's doing that you need him right then and there. his happiest moments are when you claim him, biting his neck, making him cry out and scream with bliss, marking him as yours. he just wants to be yours so bad it aches, and so he's over the moon everytime you indulge him.

[vypressuh]

wicked games | c.s

summary: He led you on for years. The one man you saw yourself with, could never give you what you so desperately craved. Love. After the devastation, you finally mustered up the courage to cut all ties with him for good and move on. At least… you tried to, until he manages to pull you right back in again.

pairings : choi san x fem!reader

tags: SMUT WARNING , MINORS DNI — vulgar language, infidelity, angst, some fluff, teasing, sensual language, unprotected sex, situationship, asphyxiation +♡

♬ — ACT A FOOL x LYRICA ANDERSON

word count: 11.3K

(Too damn long + im so sorry yall, but i hope you enjoy the story still hopefully ! lmaoooo 🩶 )

—

November 24th, 2019

San usually doesn’t ignore your calls like this.

Your worry was starting to grow with each flight of stairs that you ascended to reach his apartment. You sent message after message with no response, giving leeway to the most irrational part of you to think of the worst possible case. You stopped for a moment and opened your chat rooms again, finding Yunho, his roommate in your contacts and shooting him a quick text asking if either of them were home.

Of course San would do something like this after just asking you the night before to go on a date with him and standing you up.

Asshole. You asked yourself countless times why you still put up with him, but you fell short of an educated answer. You just loved him and that was enough of a reason for you. However, you were frustrated and freeing and had half a mind to turn around and leave, but your phone suddenly rang with a new notification.

Yunho had answered you. He said that he wasn’t home, but San was. He had talked to him just an hour ago before you arrived in the area. He said it was possible that he could be playing video games with his headset on and doesn’t hear his phone going off. He told you not to worry about him too much.

Easy for you to say..

The nagging feeling in your chest slowly began to subside at his response. Yunho knew you long enough to know that you loved to worry about San even if unwarranted. He also knew that you were in love with him before you did. Yunho was always present and knowing of everything without actually witnessing it himself. Sometimes his assuring and know-it-all behavior pissed you off; mainly because you wish you had that much confidence in everything around you. You envied him in more ways than one.

정윤호

81024# is the code for the key lock, you can let yourself in. If he is playing video games he probably cant hear you ringing the doorbell either. Dont steal anything ;)))

You laughed a little harder at that than you intended to. Why was he always so unserious about everything? You would question him on his behavioral tactics later, all you wanted to do was get out of the petrifying cold and be with San. So, you moved quickly– scared that if you stayed in one place for too long your boots would freeze to the concrete beneath your feet. You quickly shot Yunho another text, thanking him for his help.

Shuffling up the last flight of stairs, you grounded yourself on the platform and rounded the corner that led to the first set of apartments on the floor. You continued forward until you came to the eighth door. Your ears perked at the sound of movement inside.

And then a voice. And another.

Unfortunately, it was too muffled for you to pick up anything else, and you assumed that he had company over. More than likely Wooyoung. Maybe Yunho didn’t know he was coming?

Referring to the code that he had granted you, you slid up on the keypad and punched in the digits. A short and kind of cute chime sounded from the mechanism telling you that you put in the right code and the door buzzed, undoing whatever security measurements that came with the system and clicked open. You made your way inside, being welcomed to the familiar, manly, but still good scent of their home. The warmth from the heater hit you and you never accounted for how much you desired to be hot for once.

You pulled your boots off along with your coat before wandering into the rest of the apartment. Peeking your head into the living area just around the corner from the entrance where you knew their joint gaming console was. The television was still on and playing a show loudly rather than a game, which explains the voices you heard from outside, but he was nowhere in sight. Neither was Wooyoung like you expected.

He must be in his room. You thought.

As many times as you have been to his place and even spent nights here, you still felt like you were intruding– that eerie feeling telling you that you shouldn’t be here was looming over your gut, but you continued anyway.

“San?” You called out instinctively as you neared his bedroom. The door was closed, so you placed your hand on the door knob and pushed it open. The worst possible case was that he was naked, which you didn’t mind as you’ve seen many parts of each other anyway. “I’ve been trying to call you, but you didn’t-”

You weren’t sure what look you had on your face, but you were more than sure that it resembled exactly what you were feeling on the inside. Heartbreak. Your eyes went wide and your lips parted in shock at the sight of Choi San, the man you loved more than anything, scrambling from underneath a naked girl. A girl that wasn’t you. But it wasn’t some random girl. No. That dark hair, that disintegrating butterfly tattoo on the back of her shoulder. You knew her.

Your skin glossed over with a chill. And your heart broke into a million pieces.

It was Veronica. Your best friend. At least that’s what you thought until now.

“Jesus… What the hell?! What are you doing here?” Panic was obvious in San’s voice as he sat up in the bed, looking just as frightened and bewildered as you were. He climbed out of the bed and quickly pulled on his boxers.

“You…Are you serious?” There was nothing in you that tried to maintain composure as everything you were feeling began to bubble to the surface and you let it come out. “What the fuck are you doing here, V??”

“How the hell did she even get in here??” She barely even acknowledged you. Just looked to him like a savior of some sort. And that pissed you off even more.

San took a step towards you and you took two steps back. “Look, I can explain.”

You put your hand up to him to stop him from speaking. “Don’t…talk to me. You don't get to speak to me right now.”

“San, can you just make her leave? She’s being a nuisance.”

“Hey, stop. Just let me handle this.” San corrected her and she shifted in place, gripping the covers that were keeping her breasts from spilling out into the open.

Meanwhile, you shot daggers towards Veronica at her words. Your brows furrowed across your forehead, possibly leaving a mark from the tension that you could feel between the bridge of your nose. Your lip twitched with the want to say so many things, but no words were strong enough to show what you were really feeling. Rage.

You looked eagerly around the room for something. All you needed was something. Anything. That’s when your eyes locked onto it. A medium sized glass cup sat dormant on his computer desk, and with the quickness of a quality athletic star as well as the strength of one, you grabbed the glass and hurled it in Veronica’s direction before San could grab and stop you. She let out an ear-jerking screech and covered her head with her hands before the harsh sound of the glass shattering filled the room and silenced everyone in it. You couldn’t control yourself at that moment. You missed her by a few inches as the glass impacted with the wall just above the headboard, sending shards falling on the sheets and her. Part of you wanted it to hit her. You wanted her to hurt like you were hurting, but it still wasn’t enough to quell your anger.

“What the hell is wrong with you?! You’re mental.” Veronica snapped.

“Seriously?!” San grabbed your arms, trying to push you back to get you out of the vicinity of Veronica. “You need to calm down.”

You pressed your hands to his bare chest and pushed him back off of you. “Don’t fucking touch me! Calm down?” You focused your gaze back on her. “You knew. You knew about us the whole time! And you do this?”

“Obviously, there wasn’t an “us” between you if he’s fucking me and not you. Right?” She spoke with such a venom lining her words and they were aimed directly at your heart. “Me and Jamie warned you. You didn’t listen.”

“I should have known from the beginning that you were a grimey bitch. You’d open your legs for anybody that so much as blinks at you.” You snapped back.

“How do you think that I got in his bed then?”

You were going to kill her. You felt like crying right there, but your blood was already boiling in a crimson pot. It not only pained you to hear those words from someone you once considered a friend, but from someone who also knew every single thing that happened between you and San. Every tear you cried was on her shoulder, every message of happiness and celebration you sent her, she sent you her congratulations. She was there for it all.

And she betrayed you. He betrayed you.

“I can’t fucking believe you…both of you.” You scoffed, backing away from San with weak and rigid steps. “You two deserve each other.”

You attempted to turn and walk out, but he grabbed your arm to stop you. “God, don’t be like that.” San coaxed. “This didn’t mean anything.”

He always tries explaining everything away, making everything seem smaller than what it was. Acting as if none of this was a big deal, but he just couldn’t see the pain in your eyes that was hiding behind the blind rage. You glanced down at his hand for a second and then back up to him, yanking your hand away without another thought.

“I don’t give a fuck what it meant. Whatever it is…that I thought we had? It’s over. Keep her for all I care, just don’t talk to me ever again. In fact, forget I exist–forget that we ever existed.” Those were possibly the coldest words that you have ever said to him. It hurt you to even say them, and you could see the sly grin that was on his face soon falter.

“You’re not serious. Come on, we can fix this. She doesn’t mean anything to me. You do.”

“Godd! You’re so full of shit, San! She meant something if it was enough to risk-.” Your eyes burned through him like you had laser vision. You wanted him to hurt. You wanted to tear him down just like he did you over the years. “Forget it.” He just couldn’t know that your heart was breaking into pieces. “And if I really meant something to you, you wouldn’t have fucked my best friend behind my back. I’m done. We’re done.”

He had heard you say that many times before, but now he realized you were serious.

You stomped out of the room, making a b-line for the front door. Quickly stuffing your feet back into your boots and grabbing your coat from the rack, you placed your hand on the door knob and was just about to crank it to leave when you heard San’s voice crowing and breaking from the same spot where you had just left him.

“Please, let’s just talk about this. I- I don’t want you to go. I-” He paused. “I love you.”

You thought when you heard those words from him for the first time, that it would light a fire in your stomach. You would smile like an idiot and throw yourself into his arms like a love sick puppy. It was everything you ever wanted to hear him say, but hearing them now? Like this, when you were on the verge of breaking down? All it did was burn a hole through your heart, severing the last bit of forgiveness you could ever give him– along with whatever love that remained.

A singular tear fell from your eyes but was absorbed by the thick fur of your coat. You didn’t even bother to look at him. If he saw you cry, it would give him the satisfaction of your sadness. It would tell him that you still cared. That you still could possibly love him despite what he had just done to you. That there was still a chance at redemption. And you didn’t want to care about him anymore. So from this moment, you decided to hate him. For good.

You took a deep breath. Letting that numbness wash over your heart. And with the last inkling of strength in your voice, you spoke to him one final time and meant it.

“Fuck you, San.”

계속하다

Present Day

Those were the last words you ever uttered to him since your relationship ended.

Calling it a “relationship” is a bit of a stretch though, it could better be compared to Hell on Earth. An excruciatingly ugly, painful, heartbreaking, love story that went up in flames once the final straw had been broken. The thought of it filled you with agony and it felt as if the pain would be eternal, which is why you stopped thinking about it completely. But for some reason it resurfaced.

For whatever grudge the universe had against you for whatever reason, the thought of what you once had, had oddly brought you… comfort. If that was the right term to use. It felt familiar even with the blight it left on your heart. That’s how he was, Choi San— albeit possibly your worst decision in a man at the time— he had a way of conflicting every emotion and thought you had just by saying a few simple words. He was a smooth talker, you see. Blessed and born with a silver tongue and a kindness that made his every transgression against you seem minute (my-nute).

He always had a knack of luring you right back into his trap whenever you attempted to free yourself. His smile brought you to the closest feeling of love that he would permit you to have, and his kisses made you fall even harder. If he cut you by his bastard-like actions, he would heal you with his words, or by fucking you so good that you completely forgot why you were angry in the first place. Until he does it again and the cycle continues.

It was all a part of his little game and you were too in deep not to play.

Each night with him that you did not spend yelling and throwing tantrums, you would lay in his arms and let the calm sweep you into a deep slumber. When you shut your eyes all you could see were the same blaring red lights that flashed constantly behind your eyelids. They were your warning. A wailing and urgent siren that was almost deafening to your ears, screaming for you to get away while you were ahead. Every neuron in your brain fired off in an attempt to make you aware of the damage that was set to ensue if you continued this way with him.

You never listened.

That was probably the most justifiable reason behind all of your sleepless nights. Maybe if you had heeded those warnings, and listened to your first mind back then to leave him before you gave him a piece of yourself , you could have been saved from the intense heartbreak later and the aftermath of pain that followed in his wake.

You hated him, but for some reason unbeknownst to you, you still mourned your separation.

He was your first love after all.

You built a fantasy world around your heart to protect it from the truth of who he really was. It was the only solace and peace that you could maintain by giving yourself a place to hide when false hope seeped in. The hope that he would love you back. It kept you content with your situation and never allowed you to think any deeper about a future with him until you stopped hoping completely.

You tried your hardest to forget every moment he made you smile, the softness of his fingers when he touched your most delicate places, the way his lips felt on your flesh, and every warm feeling that resembled even an ounce of love or admiration that you had for him. You tried to forget it all. You wanted to. You needed to. And now the only memories that remained were all filled with regret, anger, sadness, and hate.

Although it has been four years since you have felt that way, those feelings still linger even now, trickling into your present no matter how hard you tried to keep them in the past.

“Soooooo…the company dinner-” Yunho tried the topic again, but you quickly shut him down.

“Hell no.” You didn’t even have to look at him when you said it, just continued to work on the stove, stirring around the ramyeon that would be your lunch.

Yunho let out an egregiously loud, and seemingly frustrated groan. “Dude, you promised.”

You set down your cooking utensil next to the pot and cranked down the heat before turning to face him at the kitchen island where he sat across from you. “Yeah, I did! That was before you so graciously informed me that that evil bitch would be there.”

“I didn’t know that she was the event coordinator this time. The other one got booted off at the last minute, Jamie was the one that told me, and told me to tell you as soon as possible.” He explained, mentioning your— mentionably more loyal— other best friend of almost ten years, Jamie, moving his hands around so wildly while he spoke that it was hard for you to focus on him.

“Look, I’m grateful that you gave me a heads up!”

“Thank you for some recognition! Jamie and I work hard for you.” He said.

There he goes being unserious again. You sighed softly. “But that’s where it stops. I think if I get within ten feet of her I may actually kill her.”

“You tried that once, remember? Didn’t really work out.” Yunho grabbed the glass of wine sitting in front of him and took a sip of it.

Low blow. You flicked him off for his comment, visibly irritated at what he said, but all he did was laugh.

Yunho cocked his head to the side, leaned forward on the marble surface of the kitchen island and stared up at you with the most aggravatingly cute smile. “Did you know that you look even prettier when you’re pissed off at me?”

You rolled your eyes and turned back to the stove. “You’re annoying..”

“You love me for it.” He cooed.

“Debatable topic at best.” You said flatly, moving over to the counter to chop up the rest of the meat slices to mix into the broth.

The chair scraped across the tile. Heavy footfalls began to round the corner of the kitchen island, leaving your mind to the imagination of where Yunho was going as you focused on your task in the kitchen. The muscles in your back tensed when you felt a sudden weight pressed against it. Long, strong arms stretched out beside you; his hands found purchase on the counter and trapped you against it as your breath hitched at his closeness. Yunho cleared you in height alone, standing at a whopping 6’3 compared to you. You weren’t short yourself, but anybody that stood next to him would look like an ant. His presence alone was dominating and commanding and suddenly you felt much less brave than you did 3 seconds prior.

You stopped cutting and slightly turned your head towards him. His lips were pursed against your ear and you were scared about what would follow after.

His breath was cool and it made the hairs on your neck stand on end when he whispered, “I don’t think it’s that debatable..”

He placed a kiss on your earlobe. Another on your jaw. Your neck, canvassing the beautiful tone of your skin. He pressed his pillowy pair against your shoulder and it caused you to shiver. You could feel the smile pulling at his lips at your reaction.

“Yunho..you know we can’t. Jamie will be home soon.” You said almost breathlessly. The warmth radiating from his body also made you hot. You could feel the heat rising in your cheeks.

“You even say my name pretty. How am I supposed to resist you if you talk like that?” His voice was deep and sultry, housing a slight grumble at the end of every word.

“What if Jamie-“

“I don’t care about Jamie. I care about you.” Yunho snaked his arms around your waist and spins you around to face him.

Jamie would probably kill you if she found out since Yunho was just as much her best friend as he was yours. Besides, I doubt she would want to know that the two of you ever had sex in the first place or how you even got there to begin with.

When you ended things with San, you also tried to cut every piece of him out of your life entirely. Including Yunho. Even though the two of you were close, he was even closer with San than you were. You didn’t need to have that constant reminder of the man that broke your heart, so you stopped talking to Yunho as well as his friend group entirely—etching that part of your life out of your head for good. However, Yunho didn’t take that too lightly.

A little bit after the incident one night, while you were crying your eyes out on the couch in the very apartment that you stood in, there was a resounding knock at the door. Thinking it was Jamie, your roommate, who left her key again, you wiped your tears and quickly shuffled to let her in. To your surprise as well as your dismay, it wasn’t the olive toned ginger you had come to spend your teenage years with, but instead Jeong Yunho in all of his terrible timing glory.

You tried to close the door on him and tell him to leave, but he stopped you. Insisted that he wanted to merely check on you since it had been so long since you spoke. He then spilled that Jamie knew you needed a friend and she wouldn’t be home for another two days, so she asked him to come see you. As much as you wanted to yell at her, you knew her heart was in the right place.

You weren’t sure how things got to where they did, but you remembered that he apologized over and over again for letting him hurt you and that he had no idea about him and Veronica. He said they even got into a fight about it and hadn’t seen San since that night. Him telling you that opened the floodgates and you found yourself pouring everything you kept inside out onto his shoulder. He held you with his fingers hooked into your hair and pressing you even deeper into his shoulder for you to cry. He said it was okay and he understood. He pulled you off of his shoulder and cupped your face with his hands, wiping away the neverending flow of your burning tears with his thumbs. Yunho called you beautiful. He hated to see you cry so he smiled and the sight alone unthawed the iceberg that you had locked around it. One thing led to another… and well.

He kissed you. You didn’t stop him. Nor did you want to. You needed him more in that moment than you ever had since you met.

You tried many times to end whatever it was between you countless because of your guilt, but Yunho never wanted to.

“Let’s be guilty together.” Is what he would say to you.

That’s how all of this mess started. Ever since then, it’s been an unspoken thing. There was no commitment there, but rather a comfort. Something only the two of you understood. You felt horrible, but at the same time it was just nice having someone. He was not yours and you weren’t his, but when you were together it was just you two. No expectations. Maybe it made you a hypocrite, but you stopped caring a long time ago.

For the first time you looked into his eyes and saw the hunger lying in his hues. He scoured every inch of your face, but danced around the lining of your lips as if he could taste them just by looking at them.

Throwing your arms around his shoulders, you pulled yourself in closer to him and smiled, lowering your voice to speak as if it weren’t only the two of you in here. “If I knew you were going to be this much trouble, I would have left you outside that night.”

Yunho moved in even closer, so that you could feel his breath brushing across your lips. “Well, since you didn’t, now I can do this.”

His lips collided against yours tenderly. They tasted just as sweet as they were the last time you kissed him, hinting at a slight berry flavor from the chapstick he frequently wore. They felt smooth and delicate against your own. Yunho guided you through the kiss and you followed. The kiss was gentle but firm, like he was trying to let you know that he meant every single word he has ever said to you.

His arms tightened around your waist more, tugging you closer to him so that your bodies were pressed against the other. The two of you were perfectly in sync as you explored each other’s mouths. Your fingers tangled into his thick blonde hair before dropping to his chest, fisting the white shirt he had on. With soft exasperated sighs in between each motion of your lips, Yunho dipped his hands down from your waist and around to your ass, grabbing almost all of you with both of his massive palms. You chuckled softly against him and he did the same.

Then you heard a clunking sound. Something similar to a chime. The door. A Lock. Keys. Oh God. Jamie. She’s home. The cute moment was ruined by the two of you scrambling to look as unsuspecting as possible.

“I’m baaaaaaaack!” Jamie sang out in an awful tune, sending goosebumps across your arms. Eerie.

You cleared your throat and continued cooking your lunch. Yunho acted as if he was rummaging the cabinets for snacks as your best friend came galloping into the kitchen.

“Oh, you’re here. Why?” Her words were laced with disappointment and you knew she was referring to Yunho.

“Ouch. Why did you say it like that? Am I not welcome?”

“You are! It’s just.. you’re a still man. I’m just shocked at your presence.” Jamie said. “Anyway! I come bearing giftsss!”

“What’d you get me?” Yunho asked, suggestively.

“Hopefully out of my house soon.” Jamie bit back.

You chortled, but tried to hide it when you felt Yunho staring daggers into the back of your head. You quickly finished cutting up the meat and added it to the broth to simmer, placing the lid overtop and turning to Jamie finally.

“You went shopping?” You asked her curious about what she brought.

“Of course I went shopping! You know what tonight is.” She sounded more ecstatic about it then you thought she would.

“Ohhh about that.” Yunho scratches the back of his head nervously. “I don’t think she’s going.”

“WHAT?” Jamie exclaims, looking expectantly between the two of you for an answer. “Why isn’t she going? Why aren’t you going? Are you sick? Pregnant?”

“Pregnant??” You questioned.

“Pregnant?!” Yunho also questioned, seemingly more shocked that it could even be an option. The two of you nervously looked at each other.

“I’m asking you!”

You waved her off. “No! God no. Veronica.”

“Oh.” Jamie untensed and set down the bags she brought in down onto the chairs in front of her. “That bitch. I forgot about her.”

“Exactly my point. I can’t be trusted around her.” You tried to plead to Jamie, hoping that she would understand.

“Good, you won't be around her. You’ll be around us. You’re going. I’m not letting that skank control your life anymore.”

“She doesn’t!”

“If you wont go somewhere because of someone they control your life. Look, I know you hate her. Hell, I hate her too for what she did to you but I can’t let you stay cooped up in the house all the time just because there’s a possibility that you might run into her again. Tonight will be fine, I promise.”

You appreciated Jamie for trying to be such an assuring force in your life amongst all the uncertainty surrounding you. She had a knack for pushing you out of your comfort level, and then it may appear to be forceful to some. Jamie never did anything unless it was with love.

“Hey, we won’t let anything happen tonight. I’ll even stay on Veronica watch if it’ll make you more comfortable.” Yunho piped up, leaning against the counter as he delved into whatever odd snack he actually managed to find in the cabinets.

“We’ll take care of you. It’ll be fine. Plus, I also spent $100 on buying a dress for you and it’s really freaking cute so if you don’t put it on, I will. But I’d rather see you in it.” Jamie picked up one of the fancy looking shopping bags, with a designer brand you had never heard of, and held it out to you expectantly.

You looked between Yunho and Jamie and their happy and hopeful stares caused you to cave instantly. “Fine… I’ll go.”

계속하다

This was the worst decision you ever made. Why were you here? The fabric from your dress was tightening around you with every movement you made, making the long leg slit that was cut into it ride a little further up your thigh than you were hoping it would. The heels you wore were comfortable, but you only wore these things on occasion and still weren’t the best at walking in them especially for long periods of time. And these company dinners are always long.

Yunho was the first to get out of the car, and in a gentlemanly manner he walked around to your side and opened the door.

“My lady.” He bowed before you and offered you his hand to help you out. The gesture brightened your smile and you accepted, feeling much like a princess on the way to a ball.

He assisted Jamie out as well and tossed the keys to the valet who dutifully took his car for him.

The place was flooded with people. Rich people mainly, stepping out of luxury cars and limousines. Almost all of them had a partner that they would ascend the stairs with— some were older men in their sixties with women possibly in their early thirties . Gross. You thought to yourself, but who were you to judge? Although, you were.

You looked to Jamie who was just more excited to go in as anybody else. Her dress was black, strapless and shimmery compared to your steel gray silk. Her hair was curled like a supermodel from the 1950’s, falling over the bareness of her shoulder more on one side than the other. Your hair was in coils, falling down the length of your back. Yunho wore a black tuxedo as well, complimenting the both of you, but his collar was slightly undone without a tie and opened up a V down to his chest where the only thing you could see was a gold chain that he wore fitted around his collarbone. He stepped in between the both you and Jamie and extended his winged arm on both sides for the two of you to take, which you did.

“How does it feel being my dates for tonight?” He chimed, sounding just as much of a man as he had always been. You rolled your eyes, and Jamie physically hurled.

“Is it too late to ask the valet to bring the car back?” Jamie mused.

“Considering that I’m your ride for the night. I would have left the sly comments at the apartment.” Jamie laughed at Yunho’s words and you did too, feeling more loose and less anxious than you did moments before when you stepped out of the car.

The three of you walked up the stairs together, arm in arm, following the rest of the crowd into the party. You felt a tug on your arm and suddenly a Yunho parked right beside your ear. You stiffened immediately.

“You look beautiful, by the way.” He whispered.

His compliment made you hot under the collar, if you had one to get hot under, sending a spark up your spine. You cleared your throat and smiled up at the giant figure beside you. “You look handsome yourself. You clean up nice.”

“I try my best. If I would have known you would be looking like this tonight, I would have tried harder.”

Yunho chooses the worst times to flirt with you. Around all of these people and Jamie being right there, you grew more and more flustered as the conversation went on. He escorted you successfully into the party— giving you a full view of the large dining hall. Not only was it the biggest hall you had ever seen, it was also a ballroom. Tables surrounded the extremely glossy floor that was covered with a sea of people engaged in conversation. Chatter and obtuse laughter filled your ears, but it was so hard to focus on one conversation with how many people it was. Servers walked through the crowd with refreshments and offered the three of you one upon entry. You all took it and thanked him.

“I’m going to go mingle a bit and see if I can find the guys. Don’t have too much fun without me.” Yunho said, pulling himself free from the two of you, he slipped into the crowd but not without rubbing the back of his hand across your backside.

Yunho would be the death of you.

You and Jamie were left to your own devices now and there was no way you were going anywhere without her. You didn’t know anybody here except her and Yunho, so you latched yourself to her side.

“Oh! Oh, that’s the chairman I was talking to you about right there. Come on.” She motioned off to a group of people standing in a circle, laughing about something amongst each other. She pointed to an older guy, stout, but still kind of handsome? His hair was going gray, but still had streaks of black in it and he was dressed to the nines in a bright white suit. Bold.

Jamie clasped her arm around yours and dragged you over to his direction. She called out to the chairman who recognized his name, and Jamie bowed politely to greet him. He seemingly knew her very well because he greeted her by name, welcoming the two of you into the conversation. Jamie introduced you to him and you bowed as well, bowing to the others who you were amongst since they also looked like important people but you only stood there awkwardly. You had no idea what they were discussing, so you were there as moral support for Jamie.

Instead you looked out at the rest of the crowd and all of the different people in it. It was fascinating how many rich people were all in one room— hell you didn’t know this many of them existed. The ballroom itself was currently the most powerful place on earth. There were old men, young men, young women, old women. So many different types of people dressed in their best. You wondered where Yunho was and wanted to see if you could find him, but he was nowhere to be seen. He must have found his friends. Your curiosity got the best of you so you stared for a little longer to see if you saw them by chance. And you did, knowing that they were the only people in here with those hair colors. Most of them had their backs to you, so you could only tell based on that alone, who was who. Seonghwa with his black hair was standing beside Wooyoung and Maddox, who you had only met once or twice, Yeosang with his dark hair on the other side of him, and Hongjoong with his light brown was next to Jongho who stood in the middle of Mingi and…

Silence fell over you. You couldn’t take your eyes off of them. Off of him. No Yunho in sightz Only San. Veronica. Together. You didn’t realize how long you had to be looking at him because by some miracle he noticed that someone was staring straight into the side of his head. He suddenly turned and looked directly at you. His shock was just as apparent as yours, and you lost your footing for a second, stumbling into Jamie who was beside you. The chairman and the others turned to you with concern.

“Whoa, Are you okay?” Jamie asked, gripping your arms to hold you upright. “What happened?”

“I-I” You stammered.

Jamie cleared her throat and bowed to the Chairman. “Excuse us for a moment.”

She took you out of the circle and placed a hand on your shoulder. “What’s going on? Are your shoes hurting you? Are you hungry? Thirsty? You feel cold.”

“He’s here.” You said softly to her.

“Who?”

“San.” You said through gritted teeth, looking around, hoping not to conjure him up around you.

“WHAT?” Her voice elevated among the crowd and a few people turned to look. “What? He’s here. Why the fuck is he here?”

“He’s with Veronica and the others.”

“Oh that son of a bitch. He’s got some nerve. Where is Yunho? Is he with him?”

“I didn’t see him. I think I need a drink.”

“You need more than that. Come on.” Jamie grabbed your hand and weaved through the crowd that was gathering.

You followed her, not knowing where you were going in the slightest. Once you made it through the wave of bodies, you were pulled up to the large bar top.

“What can I get you ladies tonight?” The bartender asked, whilst cleaning out a glass with a rag.

“The strongest thing you have.” You said with no resistance.

“Coming right up.” The bartender immediately got to work, fishing out a few bottles from the shelves behind him and started pouring and mixing, taking orders from the other customers who walked up as well.

In a matter of minutes, he placed two orange colored glasses down to you and Jamie , sticking a lime in each slit of the glass. You thanked him and immediately drank it.

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea he would be here. I even looked at the guest list. That's how I knew Veronica would be here.” Jamie explained. “This is my fault. I should have let you stay home.”

You separated from the glass and leaned against the counter, putting all of your weight on your hands. “It’s not your fault Jamie. I just- I just need a second.”

“Okay. Okay…um. Do you want to leave?” She asked, placing a calming hand on your arm. “I don’t want to risk you two running into each other.”

Downing what remained of your drink, you let the liquor burn a stream of worry down your throat. You grimaced from the pain, but took it, sucking in a vat of fresh air to cool your lungs again.

“Yeah. I think I should go. I’ll go find Yunho.” you insisted, waving off Jamie from taking on anymore hassle.

“Alright, I’ll be waiting here and we can leave. Just scream if you need me. Well- don’t actually, but just call me.” She nodded to you half-heartedly. You had a feeling she was itching to follow you, but you didn’t need her to babysit you.

Seeing San was not what you had expected to happen tonight, but who were you kidding? Of course he would be wherever his friends were, they were inseparable. You just assumed that you would not have been there to even know it in the first place.

You slammed your drink back down on the bar top and gathered your clutch purse and your phone. Returning a reassuring nod to a very visibly anxious Jamie and wandered off into the thicket of the dinner crowd. You maneuvered through countless bodies, searching for a remnant of your friend. There was nothing really differentiating him from the other patrons despite his long blonde mullet in a sea of pepper-gray hairs so you looked out for that. You peeked through conversations, from behind the backs of stockholders and possible CEOs in the hopes that one of them would be Yunho who magically disappeared.

You wandering about so curiously earned you some concerned glares from the partygoers, but you gave them a soft smile in the hopes to ease their tension from seeing you so confused and distraught.

Where is he? The ballroom was large and there were so many people, you could be searching for him forever, but time was of the essence and you needed to find him so you could get out of dodge as soon as possible. The last thing you needed was to run into San or, equally, Veronica again tonight. You’ve had your fill of both of them for a lifetime even if it was for five seconds. A few minutes went by and you had searched a good sum of the ballroom floor, but there was still no sign of Yunho anywhere.

He wasn’t answering your texts or your phone calls, which was weird because he always answered no matter what. Where could he be that has him caught up? You looked around and thought for a moment and then it hit you. Standing on the tips of your heels, you looked around at the looming walls above the party hoping to find some kind of sign that pointed to the direction of the nearest bathrooms. Your eyes latched onto a black sign pointed towards a dark hallway that would lead you exactly where you wanted to go.

Quickly, you dashed that way, calling your pardons and excuses to the people you plowed through and or pushed by. There were people coming out of the darkness of the hallway, some men, some women who had just seemingly handled their business. None of who were yunho who you were hoping for. So you tread further. The hall was dimly lit by a few candelabras attached to the wall, giving it a soft yellow glow. Thanks to the light, you finally managed to locate the restrooms decorated with their set signs to let you know which was which.

Then, the door to the men’s bathroom flew open with a screech. Happiness filled your features. You waited for the moments that the striking, tall blonde would appear in front of you and crack a joke about how he drank too much and didn’t realize it.

“Yunh-“ You called out, hopeful.

But your hope was misplaced because as soon as the door opened and the man stepped out into view, you were met with black. Not blonde like Yunho was.

Your happy appearance fell. You locked eyes and both stood there awkwardly yet again. San. Of course it was San. Why wouldn’t it be San? You cursed the gods at the moment in your head.

All you could think about at that moment was escape. You needed to get away from him, you could turn around and get lost in the crowd, return to Jamie and tell her that you both lost your ride and couldn’t find him anywhere, but San was fast enough that he could catch you before you even managed to think about leaving.

So you had only one other option to make it look less suspicious. Your eyes left his and flickered over to the women’s restroom.

San called out your name, but his voice was lost to you as you charged through the door and let it shut him out.

There was no way he was going to come in here, anybody could walk in or walk out in a moment’s notice. He’ll have to leave or wait for you to come out and there was no way that you were doing that with him still here. Due to the lack of movement in any of the stalls, you assumed you were alone, so you walked over to the sinks and set down your purse, going back to your recent call logs and ringing Yunho again. You put the phone to your ear and paced against the polished tile floor.

“Pick up, pick up, pick up.” You repeated, wishing it was the magic words to make him reappear.

The phone rang and rang and rang. No answer.

“God dammit, Yunho.” You cursed and hung up the phone.

The bathroom door suddenly pushed open. You thought nothing of it, but silenced yourself to not disturb whatever woman was coming to do her business.

“So, you and Yunho are a thing now?”

Your heart slid from its position in your chest and down into the pits of your stomach. You quickly glanced up to see Choi San standing before you with his back perched against the door. In the women’s bathroom. He seriously came in here? Is he fucking insane?

He was simultaneously blocking you in and keeping whatever potential savior there was for you outside.

“What the fuck- you need to leave.” You commanded.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I don’t have to answer you. The door is right there. Leave.” You pointed towards the exit again, but he didn’t budge.

“Are you together? Fucking? What is it?” He asked again, this time moving off of the door and taking a few steps towards you. He was working the last nerve you were willing to give him right now.

“Why does it matter to you anyway?!” You bit back, your voice echoing through the emptiness of the restroom. “You know what? Fuck this, I’ll leave.”

You grabbed your things and tucked them under your arm, heading right for him. You put your hand on the door handle and pulled it open slightly, but San slammed his palm against it and closed it on you again.

“It matters because he’s my best friend. And he wouldn’t give me an answer, so I’m asking you.”

You laughed. You didn’t mean to, but you found the irony in his statement too funny to pass up the opportunity. “I’m sorry, that’s just really rich coming from you, San, considering you fucked my friend behind my back.”

“And you fucked mine. So, that makes us even.”

“Not even close. Yes, I had sex with Yunho, but I didn’t fuck him behind your back. You lost all my loyalty, when you chose Veronica over me. That’s on you.”

He huffed, staring down at you with those piercing brown eyes. Now that you could see him up close, his once baby-faced features were replaced with a stoic disposition. His brows were thicker and sharp making them more prone to furrow. His jawline was sharp and tense from how he was gritting his teeth, seemingly trying to hold back whatever words were about to come out of his mouth.

“Look..” San spoke your name so gently that it threw you off guard. His eyes softened and he looked upon you with no awkwardness or fear. He looked.. genuine. For the first time in forever.

But you couldn’t bring yourself to hear whatever it is he had to say to you. “Save it, San. Please.. save it. I don’t want to hear whatever excuse you cooked up in the last four years, or rehearsed to say to me whenever we saw each other again. I don’t.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

I’m sorry? That’s… not what you expected. You didn’t have a snarky comeback for that one, it completely threw you for a loop. He doesn’t apologize for anything. Why is he apologizing to you now?

“I fucked up. I know and I realize that, even if it was too late when I did. I had already lost you at that point, I just didn’t know how to fix it. I hurt you. What I did with Veronica was stupid and it was on me. It was no one’s fault but mine. I’m sorry for everything that I put you through. You can keep hating me forever if you want, that’s your choice, but I couldn’t keep going on knowing that you were the only person who ever loved me and I ruined it and never apologized.”

Each word was like a shot to your stomach. Every ounce of resolve that you had was slowly beginning to crumble before him. You turned your head away from him, staring down at the ground for a moment, folding your arms across your slightly exposed chest.

“Why did you do it?” You asked firmly, still keeping your guard up with him. “Did you like her?”

There was a push on the door that startled you both and then a knock. You looked at one another in a panic and motioned to San to handle it since he was the one blocking the door.

San didn’t say a word and neither did you. He just kept a steady pressure on the door as they tried to get it open, until they only assumed that the door was jammed. There were a few disgruntled noises outside the door and then they walked off, leaving the two of you alone again.

“To answer your question. No, I didn’t like her. I didn’t love her—I didn’t feel anything for her that was remotely close to what I felt for you. I don’t know why I did it…it just happened. We were with friends and we were hanging out, we talked a bit, I guess a bit too much. Next thing I know, we kissed and well.. the rest was history.”

“And tonight? Did you come with her?”

He scoffed. “No. I’m not stupid.”

“Well?” You sang.

San glared at you.

“Sorry, it was too easy.” You shrugged. “Go on.”

He rolled his eyes. “Well, I did come with her, but I didn’t technically come with her. She just needed a ride, Seonghwa and I gave her one. I cut it off with her a few weeks after we…” He motioned between the two of you. “You know. She was already on to the next by then and we haven’t seen each other much since, until now.”

You nodded your head, feeling somewhat lighter now that he told you. “I see. Well, uhm. About Yunho and I..”

San stopped you before you could start. “You don’t have to explain to me. Let’s just say that it just happened.”

You nodded. “Yeah, it just happened.”

There was a mutual understanding in those words. Though you and Yunho had a deeper connection than what San and Veronica had, it was merely an understanding of position. You didn’t forgive him for what he did and San was probably livid deep down and probably couldn’t forgive you either, but the anger that was there from before was subsiding.

The two of you stood in silence for a moment before you spoke. “I- thank you for that, San. It was nice of you to apologize, but I have to go.”

You tried to open the door again, but instead of slamming it shut on you like he did last time, he grabbed you by your hand and held it in his. You whipped around to look at him and were met with the most heartfelt look you had ever seen him wear.

“Did you know that I’ve thought about you everyday for the last four years? I couldn’t get you out of my head for the life of me.”

“San-“

“No. It’s always been you. Everything has always been you. I can’t go to sleep at night without seeing your face. When I laugh, I think about yours. When someone smiles at me, I think about how yours was always brighter.”

“San stop.” You begged. You wanted to pull your hand from his, but for some reason you just couldn’t move. You had to get to Yunho. You needed to find him— you needed to leave. Why can’t you leave?

“Do you know what that feels like?” His hand tightened around yours. “It’s agony.”

“Why are you telling me this?” His grip only tightened.

“I meant what I said back then. I just should have said it sooner. I love you. I never stopped loving you and seeing you tonight only confirmed it. And if you don’t feel anything for me at all, we can free each other from this fucked up game right now. I’ll get out of your life for good.”

You stood there like an inanimate object. Not knowing what to say or what to do. You had felt everything that he was feeling ten times over and then some. Of course you thought about him in the past. You had thought about him living a life without you more than once. You thought about him every second of the day. The two of you were tethered by a string of damnation—you two were messy and you knew it, but you always thought that there was a possibility that you could work. Maybe he could love you the way you loved him. Maybe you could love him again. Maybe.. You wished maybe was a guarantee.

You wiggled your hand free from his grasp. San looked at you obviously distraught by the way the light in his eyes suddenly faded. You dropped everything that you were carrying in your arms as your phone and purse went clattering to the bathroom floor. Your hands moved faster than your brain ever could. You reached out to San, clasping both of your hands against his face and pulled him into you, lips crashing into a fiery slope of passion as he wrapped his arms around your backside like it was second nature to him. His build was much wider now and you felt incredibly small in his grasp, but San held you with every intent not to let go of you again.

As the kiss grew deeper, San careened his hands across your body, feeling the very places that he had been missing for the last few years. He worked your frame like he was trying to remember what spots connected to what, which ones were your favorites to be touched nowadays— he was trying to figure what kind of person you were now in just a matter of seconds.

Removing your hands from his chiseled features, you found new purchase on his suit jacket, which you tore off immediately, pulling the expensive fabric over his muscles. San pressed you against the door, letting your back meet the cool, polished wood; a single hand wrapped around your neck while an extended tongue flicked across your bottom lip, nonverbally asking for entrance, which you granted him with no hesitation. He slid his tongue between your parted lips and into your mouth, swirling his own instrument around yours. The kiss turned frantic, more hungry and needy. You moaned into his mouth, fingering the strands of his slightly long black hair while he simultaneously shifted the leg slit on your dress to the side, gripped the back of your thigh and pulled it to wrap around his slim waist.

This somehow brought the two of you even closer than you were already. He fell into you perfectly like a missing puzzle piece. You could feel his growing erection between your thighs each time he ground into you. The two of you were a bumbling mess of hormones and unsatiated emotions. San broke the kiss, using the same hand that was wrapped around your throat to tilt your head to the side. He attacked your neck like a predator, and you let him. His mouth was warm and wet and your body reacted almost instantly. You could feel the temperature rise inside your body. San continues his performance, lapping up the skin on your neck like it was refreshing to him, his kisses led down to your collarbone, your breasts. Unfortunately with the minimal time you had as well as the fabric of your dress covering the rest of you, San was limited in the love he wanted to show to your body, but that did not deter him.

Falling to his knees before you, he took the very thigh that he had wrapped around him and began to pepper it with kisses as well. Your hand was caught in his hair as you guided him, your mouth agape at the sight. You watch San with intention, as he kisses further and further up your thigh, inching the silver silk out of his way. You stuck your teeth into your bottom lip and smiled naughtily. San pulled his sharp gaze to you, and you could feel a gush between your legs. Why did he have to look at you like that? Your immediate reaction to this excited him and he continued onward in a devilish manner. Using both of his hands, he caressed your legs admiring you in all of your glory and fiddled underneath your dress, finding a latch on your panties and tugging them downwards to your ankles leaving you completely exposed.

San repositions himself as well as you. He places your leg just over his shoulder now, giving him a full view of your womanhood that was now glistening with your moisture. San licks his lips, practically salivating and grumbles with satisfaction even when he didn’t have a taste of you yet.

“God, I miss the way you taste. I think I need to remind myself again.” He said sweetly before moving forward against you.

Your breath caught in your throat once his lips connected with the sensitive hood of your clit. It was a small kiss to it, but it had so much power as well. You closed your eyes and rested your head against the doorframe, moaning softly into the air while San worked his magic. You still played with his hair offering some encouragement to continue even though you could not speak very clearly without a moan following soon after. San flushed his mouth against your pussy, you could see the lust swimming in his eyes as he stared at you the entire time.

“You’re already dripping for me. Good.”

He widened the part in your lips to give him enough room to slither his tongue inside, invading you, but of course you did not mind. It felt good already, you almost couldn’t believe it.

“Fuck..” you groaned to yourself, putting your eyes back on the beautiful man that was between your thighs.

His tongue prodded at your insides, slurping and sloshing about your velvety walls and sipping on the honey-like thickness of your juices. Every lick sent you further into the depths, you couldn’t control your moans. You almost felt too loud, but you couldn’t stop. And by the look in his eye, you almost felt like that was what he wanted. San continued to suck and kiss along the flaps of your portions , savoring every ounce of your flavor.

San separated from you for a split moment, leaving a string of his saliva as well as your wetness which his mouth was completely drenched in, and smiled at you deviously. “Damn, you taste so good.”

You could feel the rope that was holding your senses together slowly begin to unwind itself. You were too sensitive for your own liking sometimes and San knew that much about you. It didn’t take much for you to cave and now was no different. The way he was eating you out was almost too much to bear, but you didn’t want him to stop. You were just getting started.

San followed a figure eight movement on your clit, but moved his tongue like an expert inside of you, never leaving a single part of your pussy untouched. Your moans got louder and louder, you grabbed a handful of his hair and pressed him deeper into your temple. Your hips worked against his mouth and he invited it, digging his nails into your hips and pulling you closer to him. You whimpered, sounding more desperate than you had hoped to. With the way you were grinding on him, you were practically riding his nose at this point— each buck getting more uncontrollable than the last. San’s satisfied groans vibrated against your clit and you were even closer to losing it now. And he knew it.

San put more pressure on your clit using his free hand, massaging it in light circles with his thumb while he ate you out. You were getting attacked from all angles and you couldn’t handle it anymore. You let out a blood curdling yelp, followed by sharp moans and heavy breathing — releasing all of your pent up aggression onto his mouth. You twitched in place and tried to find some grip on the wall beside you to right yourself but there was nothing to hold you other than him. San lapped up your climax, and planted a kiss on your pussy before coming to meet you again. He didn’t give you a second to think as he kissed you. This time more direct and with intent. You could taste yourself on his lips. It was sweet and sticky.

“How bad do you want me to fuck you?” He asked lowly between kisses.

You were in a state of delirium, but you responded coherently. “Really fucking bad. I just want to feel you right now.”

“Good. Take it out.” He commanded.

You didn’t hesitate much to do so. You lurched forward, hooking one finger inside of his dress pants and pulled him closer to you. You undid his belt without issue, and his button followed, giving you free access to what you wanted the most. Your eyes were locked on San as you did this and he watched you with joy evident on his features. You swiftly pulled down his pants along with his boxers in the same fashion he did your panties, the belt hit the ground with a clanging noise leaving San exposed to you. He was just as big as you remembered him being if not bigger. It frightened you almost the way it stood massively at attention, twitching with eagerness. A smirk found his features, his tongue ran smoothly across his K-9’s and you had a feeling that you were in for a treat.

San pressed you flat against the door again, closing the space between you with his body. He kissed your lips again, and then your cheek and hummed lightly against your skin. “I can’t wait to see how pretty you look while I make you cum.”

San wrapped his hand around his hard-on, glancing down as he rubbed himself against your warmth, letting out a low rumble in his throat from the sensation. You soft groans mixed with his as the adrenaline pumped through your veins, filling the next few moments with anticipation. He pressed his tip against your opening, and slowly pushed himself inside of you— filling that space that he left empty. Your mouth fell agape at the shock of his size, it felt like he was stretching you out completely just to adjust to his size.

He started moving inside of you slowly at first, helping you to get used to him. “I got you baby just keep taking it, you’re doing so good.”

“You’re so fucking big..” you huffed out, holding onto San’s wide shoulders as he dug you out.

His pace quickened slightly, he wrapped your leg around him again, angling himself to hit you in just the right spot while he bounced you on his dick. His thrusts were powerful, but cohesive. His hips had a flow to them that made it feel like he was fucking you in waves.

“Yeah, you feel good wrapped around my dick. You take me so well.” He complimented, lurching into you at a speed that you were trying to keep up with. His hand was still wrapped around your neck, squeezing the air from your lungs. The pressure was comfortable, but just enough to heighten every sensation. You held onto his arm, scratching at his skin.

Still sopping wet from the last climax you had, the sounds of skin on skin contact along with the constant sloshing of your insides, was the perfect storm for the both of you. San gripped your thigh tightly, hiding his face in the thick of your neck as he roared loudly from the pressure building up against you.

“Oh San, Right there!” You coached, holding him close to you as he fucked you. Your nails clawed at the fabric on his shirt so harshly you thought that you would pierce it. The remnants of your sexual encounter were running down between your legs and you were almost at your limit. “Oh fuck, I’m going to cum.”

“Cum for me.” He stammered. “God, you’re so wet.”

His dick pumps into you at a pace no man should reach, making you cry out for him in pleasure. You grip tightly onto his backside, struggling to keep yourself upright while he fucked you senseless to the point you lost your balance. If it weren’t for his strength, there was no way you were standing up on your own.

San was committed to making you cum first, but he becomes sloppy the closer he gets, but he doesn’t stop. “Cum for me babygirl,” he demands, “Cum for me..!”

And like a dog with a whistle, you obeyed his command and came. Your orgasm smacked you like a ton of bricks, and everything came rushing out of you all at once with no forgiveness. San followed suit with your flow, hearing the beauty of your moans and bursted inside of you. His pants were ragged, and his grunts were deep and gravely. The two of you tried to catch your breath, but the air escaped you. The two of you stood sweaty and stuck together with your juices intermingling inside of you. You were high off of all the sensations. It took you more than a second to come down off it. San collapsed into you and you did the same.

“That felt good..” He said into your skin.

You stared blankly up at the ceiling, admiring the intricate designs of old Renaissance paintings that you had never noticed until now. Your vision began to come back to you, and you were welcomed to reality once more. And the realization hit you.

“Yeah..” You responded shortly.

San pulled out of you and collided with the door beside you. sweat beading off his brow.

“About what you said earlier. About me feeling something for you?” You turned your head to look at him.

He glanced back at you with a wandering look, but still curious as to what you were going to say. “Yeah?”

“I still feel something for you, San. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t, but…” You paced yourself, swallowing your own spit to lubricate your throat as you said the words. “After everything we've been through, I don’t think I can love you..”

“Why not? You said you felt something right?”

“I do,” You paused for a moment trying your best to find the words to say it, but you took a deep breath and finally let it out.

“I…I think I fell in love with Yunho.”

TO BE CONTINUED IN

‘LOUDER THAN BOMBS’

(OUT NOW)

[maeleelee]

And They Were Roommates!

Confessions of a crackhead… or 9 (11)

Synopsis: Random text conversations you have with Mae’s best friends roommates!Ateez. And y/n

Warnings: This story will have a very loose storyline based on you being roommates with Ateez. Some of these conversations will be based on conversations I've heard in real life, so there will be mature subject matter such as : swearing, sex, drinking, weed, and more. Reader's discretion is advised.

These are all crack texts from Mae’s point of view. Y/N is her and Kayla’s best friend and somehow she’s ended up meeting Ateez because of it. Now she just bugs them because she can.

@imagine-a-life-like-this Masterlist

Taglist: Open

{Let The Story Begin}

Random questions and statements

That’s a lie.

Yappin thief

[yeosbbm]

dont go to bed angry….

Smut | MDNI

genre/tags: bestfriends to strangers (??) to lovers/college au

pairing: stem major! fem reader x dance major! woo

summary/plot: you and wooyoung have been bffs since you came to seoul for college. you two have been inseparable and are always there for each other. however, when you have a serious upcoming exam where you need woo the most he’s.. strangely been avoiding you ? after a heated argument with him on a flooded night he stays at your dorm till the storm passed over. he finally confesses the cause of his avoidance…in your bed .

warnings/prevs: not proofread semi toxic wooyoung, dirty talk, light choking, biting/marking, dry humping, spooning, fingering (fem received), oral (fem received), unprotected piv (wear condoms bro.), somnophilia, dubcon, possessive wording and actions

a/n: this is my first work ever PLEASEE SPARE ME OK. but yea enjoy ik it’s lengthy you can honestly skip through it if you’re only interested in the smut rather than the mini bit of plot 😭

“woo can you bring my textbooks over to my place I left them at yours 🫠”

Read. Every message for the past month and a half Woo either gave a delayed 1-2 word response or no response at all.

You sigh and sit your phone back down to continue studying and writing down your biochem notes. You have an exam worth 80% of your grade for the semester. Your professor is ruthless and has high expectations for your score. For the past month you’ve only had time to study, eat and shower meaning you’ve had to abandon all task and activities that don’t involve your biochem grade.

Typically when you were overwhelmed or had mountains of work to Wooyoung would be there for you. Since you started school abroad you and woo have been attached to the hip, sometimes getting called thing 1 and thing 2 by school admin and others on campus. Being a dance major he had so much more free time since he was already so talented and got the routines and choreographies down fast.

So whenever you had no time to take care of yourself, Woo was your right hand man to help you out. He’d bring you food, bring your favorite drink in, help with laundry, and remind you to eat and have free time whenever you got too caught up in work. Or he’d simply just be there for you, sitting by you writing or typing away keeping you company and making you laugh.

You reciprocated his kindness by coming to watch and support him during his rehearsals or whenever he presented his choreo to the dance teacher. You’d bring him his favorite treats from the student center and a hot towel or cold drink whenever he was exhausted from practice or rehearsing. Massaging his aching shoulders and calves in the dance room until he felt good as new. In all honestly you always had a crush on Woo I mean cmon ? He’s beautiful, but you’ve always pushed your feelings away to hold onto the friendship.

But lately Wooyoung has been so cold, never texting back and whenever you catch him on campus with San and Seonghwa he’d glance and walk faster. It’s beginning to hurt. You want to give him the benefit of the doubt but it just feels as thought he no longer wants nothing to do with you. He doesn’t even come over, you’ve spent the past month and a half by yourself cooped up in your room writing notes and sleeping alone.

While trying to open the next 76 slide PowerPoint your teacher assigned to you, a small epiphany that perhaps Woo is just as overwhelmed as you are and probably needs a boost comes into your mind. You were sure this was the best way to bring him back into your life. Finally getting up from your study desks you put on some quick slides and grab your tote bag so you can grab some treats for Wooyoung from the campus stores since you knew that around this time he’d be in the dance room.

After finally getting the treats you notice despite it being warm outside there was a light trickle of rain but you paid no mind to it, you walked into the dance room seeing Woo, Hwa and San sat stretching and talking. Wooyoung is relaxed slumped over stretching his legs, laughing and flashing his handsome grin to the others. However when Wooyoung sees you approaching he shoots right up and instead of being joyed to see you he looks irritated and dismissive.

“Hey Woo I got you these cookies and chips idk if-” You’re cut off by Woo’s cold stare. It’s as if you didn’t even know him, or moreso he didn’t know you.

“Not hungry give them to San, your textbooks are in my cubby. ” He says it so quick that it’s obvious he’s trying to shoo you away as soon as possible. You toss the chips to San and shove the rest of the treats back into your bag. You quickly get your textbooks out his cubby and toss them in your bag as well.

“Idk what I did to you Woo but lose my number and continue to leave me alone, I’m done being your friend.”

The sky is officially grey outside and your mood is ruined. You’re shuffling through campus square trying to make it to your dorm. While walking through you see all of your peers and other students with their ‘person’ or friend group. While the one person you turned to the most is giving you the cold shoulder. Tears welled up in your eyes and you take out your phone to see the time and whether only to see a notification. It’s a story post from Woo. You open it to see Woo posed with Hwa and some random girl in his class, the caption made your chest feel heavy.

“My favorite girl here”

That was the final straw. You blocked Wooyoung everywhere. You couldn’t even walk around anymore and sat at a bench to cry your feelings out while nobody was around. So many thoughts circled your mind, but you finally snap out of it once you feel the rain trickle harder and harder on you and the thunder begin to roll.

After running over to your dorm using your arms as a shield from the downpour you finally make your way into your single dorm. Instead of finding solace and peace once you open the door and step in..you find Wooyoung sitting on your couch, obviously waiting for you to come home since who knows when.

“Who let you in.” You sighed trying to hold composure, immediately heading to your kitchen to sit your bag down.

He gets up from the couch using his forearm to block you from walking any further to sternly say, “Why did you block me.”

“You know exactly what you did and that it would hurt my feelings.”

You stare into his eyes, gritting your teeth in frustration of the situation, you take a breath and look away from him to mutter a piece of your mind.

“Why do you even give a fuck about what I do. I’m nobody to you from what I remember.”

Wooyoung rolls his eyes and opens his mouth to give his rebuttal but you immediately cut him off. “No text no calls, I can’t even come see you without being pushed away. You don’t give a shit about me anymore admit it.”

“Look you’re overthinking, it’s been a while but you know that post wasn’t that deep.”

“Not that deep? Fuck you Wooyoung get out.”

You attempt to push him away but he grabs your forearms. You look up to see him with a clenched jaw. He notices the tension within the air and the discomfort in your face and softens his grip, he looks down at the ground as if he’s calculating his next response . He lets go, and rather than grabbing his things and walking out he brings you into a hug.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been distant yes. I know you’re mad but please understand it’s only because I ha-” His words come to a halt once a crash of thunder interrupts him and the flood warning amber alert rung excessively seconds afterwards.

You remove yourself from Woos hold and stare at your phone. After realizing what was happening you then walk over to a window to see the damage the storm had caused. The flood wasn’t complete danger since you’re on a higher floor of the dorms so it luckily won’t affect you as for tonight. But, Wooyoung has no way of getting home since the roads were swamped. There isn’t even a single bus attempting to go through these roads. You sigh and turn with your heel to bring your gaze back to Wooyoung.

“I’ll sleep on the couch it’s no worry..”

You look at him up and down, and it’s up until this moment you realize how much you’ve missed him just by seeing him sitting at your place again.

“We can share a bed. I’m mad but I’m not a monster, just be out by the morning or whenever the flood clears.”

Woo mutters a thank you and you walk into your bathroom to be left alone and wash off the tension from the stand-off you a Woo had.

You showered and changed into some cute pajama shorts and a pullover sweater with your college’s logo on the front. You’re beginning to drift off but hear Woo finally come out the bathroom. His hair was damp from the quick shower he took after yours and he sported a white tee and some grey sweatpants he left here the last time he was over for a movie night. You continue to lie on the bed and pretend to not acknowledge Woo as your best attempt to give him the cold shoulder. After some minutes, your eyes almost rip open when you feel a dip in the mattress due to Woo finally resting on it. He gets on simply resting on his side but slowly makes his way towards you and begins to big spoon you and hold you as close as possible.

You want to kick him from behind and tell him to scoot over, but you haven’t felt this much comfort from Wooyoung in so long. Plus considering you want him gone by maybe tomorrow, you’ll take every bit of affection you can get. After some time and a million raindrops later you drift off to sleep.

You wake up still being somewhat caught in your sleep only able to hear a slight shifting accompanied with the dense rain hitting your rooms window and thunder rolling within the sky. But, once you become more aware of your surroundings, you feel Wooyoung shifting around and rolling his hips into yours from behind.

That’s when you begin to hear the low groans and sighs. It started with him slowly humping into you faintly not making too much contact but now he’s switched into grinding his hips in a more methodical bold fashion. You laid there feeling the print of his cock collide with your now wet cunt. Then he stops.

The sudden stop in movement caught you off guard and brought you back to reality. Did that really happen ? It couldn’t have . He was just moving around to get more cover…or maybe to get more space right ? But you know for a fact you felt his bare hard cock underneath his sweats, pressing into you from behind. And you know for a fact your pussy was clenching and dripping while he was doing so .

You convince yourself you just need more sleep, he was just shifting to get comfortable, or maybe he’s just a boy having a wet dream. You close your eyes, following the pattern of the rain to hum you asleep.

Moments have passed and you wake up again but to an even more obvious disturbance. Wooyoungs head in between your thighs taking careful bites out of them. You had no words and can only gaze at the taboo display.

He kisses and licks the marks he was leaving but once he realizes your breathing changed he looks up and finally makes eye contact with you. However, instead of uttering a humiliated apologizing or explanation he uses his teeth to bring your pj shorts and panties down. When they’re finally low enough for him, he parts your legs as if this interaction was normal and while making dead eye contact with you licks a stripe up your cunt and ends the line with his lips around your clit.

Your mouth goes agape and you let out a shocked but pleasured moan only able to watch.

“I’ve loved you for so long y/n you don’t understand. I can’t lie about my feelings any longer. I just want fill you with my cock, just ruin your pretty pussy” He puts two fingers into your cunt and gets back to working on your clit, making sure to make as much of a mess as possible with his saliva.

He brings his face off, your arousal and his saliva glistening on his pretty lips and chin. He licks the mess off his bottom lip so he can say more.

“I want you y/n. For me alone. I haven’t texted you or called because I couldn’t contain how I felt. I was scared you’d be uncomfortable or brush me off because of your studies.” He takes out his fingers and brings his mouth back on your cunt. Sloppily making out with it and bringing his tongue in and out of your hole. Sometimes bringing his face back up just so he can spit on it and make an even bigger mess.

You didn’t know what to say, consumed by both pleasure and confusion. Pleasure from him finger fucking you with precision and purpose constantly prodding that one spot in your cunt that makes your back arch. The confusion with how he can casually explain himself with his fingers so deep inside you. All you could manage was to moan his name and spread your legs even wider.

At this point, your pajama shorts and panties are gone..probably dangling off the corner edge of your bed or discarded on the floor, only woo knows where he tossed your bra off to while the college sweater you went to sleep with is now rolled up, exposing your breast and torso. Wooyoung finally brings his face away after you cum all over it. As you moaned and whined in ecstasy, he kisses you making you taste yourself on his lips.

He puts himself back into the big spoon position he was in when you both first fell asleep. He kisses and marks you up a bit more in the crook of your neck while lightly toying and mounding your breast in his comforting hands.

He brings his face back up to your ear and carefully whispers..

“Inside…please can I put it inside..let me fuck and cum in you” He rolls his hips lightly into yours for emphases. “I’ll never avoid you again, I’m yours I won’t leave your side again” His hand drops to your clit slowly adding pressure and applying deep circles.

You moan and turn your head away from him, the closeness and intimacy is overwhelming and you’re now caught in a whirlwind of heat filled pleasure . You know you want this bad, but your mind is filled to capacity with so many thoughts. Will this ruin the friendship ? Will things be the same ? How will everyone view you two after this ?

Woo notices your overthinking and brings his free hand higher and begins to softly wrap it around your neck only lightly squeezing forcing you to make eye contact with him.

“ I don’t want you to leave my side either I want you to walk around with a piece of me with you at all times” He plays with your clit faster making you take quicker breaths. “Don’t you want that..always having a piece of me inside you ? Right y/n?” You nod and mindlessly mewl due to being so fucked out from his hands and prior his mouth alone.

“Oh baby I knoww” While cooing to you he plunges his fingers back in as he did in the beginning. A pornographic moan falls from your lips as he deeply fucks and curls his fingers into you.

“Your cock please put it in I can’t take it Woo please !!” You call out with the small bit of voice you had left in you.

Woo lifts your leg up and brings his cock into you. It easily slips in from how worked open you were and you feel him stretch your soft wet walls and his tip kiss your cervix. He starts with hesitant experimental thrust, but as soon as he realizes you’re comfortable and want more he begins pounding.

You can’t help yourself and can only moan and babble . As he bullies his thick cock into you the only thing that falls from your lips is fucked out nonsense and pleas for him to not stop.

He momentarily slows down now and brings his face down so he can bite down on your neck. Once again rolling his hips so sensually, the contrast of the knot slowly building up inside you from his slow yet heavy thrust and the pain and harshness of his bite makes you go dumb.

“You take me so well, look at you..so pretty. Fuuuck I’ve only imagined this with my cock in my hand.”

He lifts your leg higher up. Something about this spooning position makes Wooyoung reach the absolute depth of your throbbing cunt. He roughly rocks his hip into yours, you can hear the wet obscene sound of him driving his cock in and out coinciding with the heavy ran outside.

“I’m about to cum so deep in you..y/n I love you so much , stay with me, I don’t care just stay by me” A choked I love you too was all you could say as you came all over his cock, his release and orgasm following suit. You felt his warm seed paint your insides, it’s complete luck that you’re on the pill. Wooyoung drags his cock out and puts you into an embrace.

He peppers and ghosts kisses over your face while you lay limp in his hands, the rain has finally stopped and filling the room is you and Woos soft breathe. You both drift off all over again.

[wooeo]

Hi!! I saw your request open ^^ I just want to request an ateez member!reader in wanteez (any episode will do) but if you haven't watched it maybe behind the scenes from their mv filming?? Thank you 😚

- 💫

☼ WANTEEZ MOMENTS — ateez x f!member!reader

note, i didn’t know which ep to do so i did moments from a few

ep 1

— wooyoung thought about the question for a moment, “i think (name),, she’s not gonna run,”

hongjoong nodded, “hm. she hates running,”

4th transfer student, (full name)

#VeryPolite #ThePerfectStudent

“what warm weather we’re having today,” you commented, walking along the path. your uniform shirt was tucked into your skirt, a shoulder bag hanging by your side. the cameras followed you as you walked, “i hope there’s something nice for lunch,”

before you rounded the corner a guy in the same uniform as you walked towards you with his hands in his pockets. a few steps behind him came a hoard of boys running, screaming at you to run.

you held back a laugh and stepped to the side, so they could run past you. a few tried to pull you along but you evaded with a grin.

you laughed as they ran past you before walking after them with peppy steps. you ended up besides the first boy who had walked towards you, “eunkwon?” you read his name tag, “nice to meet you,” you introduced yourself with a bow, him mirroring you.

“you’re almost late!” the teacher shouted, “you!” he pointed at you, “who are you? i’ve never seen you before!”

you held back a laugh, smiling politely instead. you bowed politely, hands folded in front of you, “hello. i’m a transfer student. today’s my first day here,”

“ah how polite,” he said hello as well, “go ahead,”

(name) attends school successfully

“i don’t run. i hate it,” you said, when asked why you didn’t. arm wrapped around wooyoung’s. you chuckled, smoothing down you braided hair, “i think it would take a zombie apocalypse for me to run,”

ep 3

— “did you play dodgeball in school?” one of the boys asked you.

“only when we had mixed gym class,”

jongho spoke up, “noona, the dodgeball incident,”

“what’s that?” yunho asked,

you let out a laugh at the memory as all the boys listened.

“we sometimes had gym class with the boys and we would play dodgeball. you know how whenever a girl gets the ball, they boys start yelling and screaming?”

wooyoung chuckled, leaning against your arm.

“i hated it, so whenever i got the ball and they’d start shouting, i’d walk to the front line and roll it over. i told the other girls to do the same, until the boys caught on and stopped yelling.”

“did you give them the ball then?”

“yeah,”

the all burst out laughing. chuckling along, you stumbled a bit as wooyoung leaned more of his weight on you.

“i didn’t want to play in the first place. i just did it cause i had to,”

ep 9

— the boys shuffled in, laughing quietly, “(name)~” seonghwa called out in a hushed tone.

you reacted with a quiet hum, eyes closed.

“how are you feeling?”

“tired,” your voice was a low whisper. curling your body into itself, “you’re loud,”

yunho chuckled, “cute~”

san’s hand went to your cheek, stroking it gently.

“san,,”

“hm?”

“can we get something to eat?”

quiet laughter was heard but you didn’t react.

“not yet, (name). you’ll have to wait,”

you whined, hiding your face under the blanket.

requests for member!reader stuff is open !!

[makeitmingi]

Cause Baby You’re My Muse [Masterlist]

Genre: Romance, Idol!AU, Music, Slight angst

Pairing: Mingi x Reader (y/n)

Characters: Producer!Reader, IdolLyricist!Mingi, IdolProducer!Hongjoong, Idol!Seonghwa, Idol!Yunho, Idol!Wooyoung, Idol!San, Idol!Yeosang, Idol!Jongho, cameo(s) by other celebrities

Summary: You always preferred producing underground, having an unknown face and governed by your own rules. But when you start freelancing for idol groups, you say goodbye to your lone wolf lifestyle as you learn to work with idol producers and lyricists. 

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Chapter 48

Chapter 49

Chapter 50

Chapter 51

Chapter 52

Chapter 53

Chapter 54

Chapter 55

Chapter 56

Chapter 57

Chapter 58

Chapter 59

Chapter 60

FIN

Bonus chapter