#auburn's rambles <3

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me when i thought savanaclaw rook was just cowboy ruggie

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I COOKED

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hold on hold on i just came to the realization that fish do not sneeze.

imagine how BAMBOOZLED the octatrio would be when they hear you sneeze for the first time??? like human what was that. did you just eject a lung? are you okay??

azul would be immediately concerned, giving you the weirdest look. he hesitantly asks if you're okay, because you seem fine, but you just made the strangest noise he's ever heard and oh, is this a weird land dweller way of showing your affection? because you were pretty cute when you did that. oh, it's not...? well, now he's embarrassed!

jade is fascinated. don't let him find out about that sneezing power or pepper or ANY of that shit. he WILL use it against you. your sneezes are like little treats to this weirdo. he'll even become inclined to test those things on himself, to see just what sneezing feels like. he's genuinely surprised when it isn't painful? and that the face you make in instinctual? land dwellers are so fascinating.

floyd locks onto you. doesn't matter if he was in a mopey mood or pissing off riddle again, his eyes are wide and his pupils are dilated and he's staring at you. it doesn't matter if your sneeze is loud or quiet, he thinks it's so strange and so cute. hey, little shrimpy! what the hell was that and why did it sound so weird?

LIKE....THESE GUYS HAVE GILLS. THEY HAVEN'T HEARD A SINGLE PERSON SNEEZE UNTIL THEY CAME TO THE SURFACE. bc yk, sneezing requires lungs and nasal passages AND MERPEOPLE DONT HAVE THOSE UNLESS THEY TOOK THAT POTION TO BECOME HUMAN AND IM CRYING.

octatrio finds out what sneezing is real!!

i feel like i need to clarify that i know what sneezing is HELP ME@$@$$@$@?@!#?@!!@!# i just thought it would be a funny post i assure you guys i know people sneeze and that they probably would have been taught about it. this set of headcanons is not supposed to be taken as something that happened in canon, i just wrote it because I thought it would be goofy!!

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HES SO CUTE WE DONT DESERVE HIM

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some of the very sweet (and funny) bits of dialogue i got after marrying shane

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MARNIE STPO IM GONNA CRY SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP

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ok i know yuu is chill and all but have you guys considered that, logically, after everything they have been through, they would be traumatized enough to resent magic just as much as rollo does?????? like this thing took control of some of the housewardens at your school and almost made them COMMIT MURDER, all while THEIR OWN LIFE IS IN DANGER, and your precious friends are constantly facing them with YOU, who has NO MAGICAL ABILITY and can barely defend themselves against magic????? also side note why the FUCK havent ace and deuce gotten compensated for being first years that CONSTANTLY DEAL WITH THE BULLSHIT CROWLEY ASSIGNS YUU?? THEY ARE FIRST YEARS. THEY SHOULDNT BE DEALING WITH THIS ANYMORE THAN YUU SHOULD. THEY JUST GOT HERE.

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while playing the masquerade event i was hit with the realization that the students from nrc are quite literally the terrible tourists rollo was talking about. and im almost CERTAIN they've been just as bad every other event. like you have ruggie who was about to steal a shops hard earned money, you have epel and deuce that were saying their bread wasn't special before even trying it, you have ruggie AGAIN saying that the historic toys they make are just chunks of wood and don't have any value. these people suck and should not be permitted to travel. all they're doing is making a nuisance of themselves.

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unpopular opinion but i dont think jade or floyd would give their s/o a matching earring that they share with their brother. those two have a special bond in those earrings that cant be replicated by anyone else because they fought that sturgeon. they won together. it just doesnt feel right to me that something so meaningful to them, something they wear every day, would just be given to someone else.

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i feel like some twst boys do not have normal sighs when they have a crush. like you'd think "oh they'd get flustered around me" not all of them. some would want to examine your teeth to make sure you're taking care of them (trey.) some of them would tackle body slam maim you bite you viciously any chance they got (floyd.) some of them would hunt you for sport (rook.) these boys are NOT normal!!

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i just need people in the twst fandom to understand that vil wouldnt bully you for the way you look. he would respect you so much for trying your best every day and having goals that you're working towards. he would do his absolute best to make sure you brought out the best in yourself. he would not pick apart your appearance and make fun of you for a skin condition or scars or acne or ANY of that. vil has never ONCE done that but you guys LOVE to pretend he would hate people that dont look like supermodels. all of you are wrong.

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shane the man you are

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my one gripe with the stardew valley fandom is that some of you look at shane and complain about how messy he is and how closed off he is at first and how he drinks beer all the time as if him being messy and closed off aren't symptoms of his depression and him drinking is just a bad coping mechanism. like just say you hate people who are depressed and if they don't have your pretty symptoms of just being sad you don't think they're worthy of love.

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GUYS.

GUYS.

I HAVE ALL OF HIS SSRS NOW. I HAVE ENOUGH FOR 100 PULLS ON HIS NEXT BIRTHDAY SHOWCASE. I CAN RETIRE. IVE DONE EVERYTHING NOW.

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I DIDNT CHECK THE WEATHER REPORT AND THE GREEN RAIN EVENT SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME I THOUGHT I WAS HALLUCINATING IN GAME?????

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btw if you ever feel like the tweels wouldn't like you because of their whole "we only like people for entertainment" thing don't worry. you like them. who else does? you want to spend quality time with them. you listen to what they have to say. you take care of them. you don't run away at the sight of them, you run towards them. you tell them all the little details about your day and laugh with them. you make them laugh. you want to hold their hands and give them kisses. you want to dance with floyd. you want to listen to jade. you look them straight in the eye and smile so sweetly at them. you actively seek them out. you give floyd space when he needs it and come to him with hugs when he's ready to talk. you let jade rest on your shoulder after a long day at the mostro lounge. you trust them completely.

you place your pretty little heart in their hands.

you see them as someone worth loving. nothing is more fascinating than that.