#azog vibes

[sorisooyaa]

Once again idk what I was thinking... just feel Azog vibes (kinda?)

[conkers-thecosy]

hi miss conkers! i love your writing and i read through everything and stayed up late this weekend! i seen about your tags on the regency au and wanted to ask you what is the vault? please will you tell us some ideas you have?

Hullo! 💛

First of all, thank you so much! I'm so pleased you've enjoyed my fics and they brought you some entertainment, that makes me so happy! Haha, I do hope you've managed to get some good sleep since, though!

Ahhh yes... The Vault! Yeah, I can share a few ideas I have, if you like! They aren't very fleshed out or anything, but I can give you a little run-down! King - Final instalment of the "Soldier, Poet, King" series, dealing with Smaug, gold-sick Thorin, and Azog, set in the film-verse. But Will You Stay? - This is my "Bilbo carries the Ring" idea, with some fairytale elements. Playing about again with the idea of forgiveness between Bilbo and Thorin, and how that might realistically play out.

The Reluctant Burglar - An "Erebor never fell" au fic where Bilbo is hired to steal the Arkenstone from Thorin in exchange for help for his ailing father, but gets caught up in palace intrigue... amongst other things!

Breaking The Ice - Fantasy au where Thorin was sealed away in a glacier and stories are told of what a powerful evil he had been in his time. Hundreds of years later, Bilbo, a scholarly noble, accidentally sets him free, and has to try and hide his mistake while simultaneously keeping Thorin in check. Comedy and romance ensue.

Untitled Regency AU - A loose re-telling of Pride & Prejudice, bagginshield style, but will also have lots of other classic Austen references, too. Because I'm just that person, I'm in love with Jane Austen, and this idea has been poking my brain for ages!

Untitled Quest Re-telling - Book-verse and told entirely from Thorin's pov. Does what it says on the tin, really!

There! I have more, but these are the ones that I have a strong idea about, as opposed to just Vibes, haha! I'm not one of those clever writers who can work on multiple projects, unfortunately, so this list alone is going to be a few years worth of work! Thanks so much for the question, it's always lovely to have a chance to talk about my ideas!! 💛

~Conkers 🌰

[sunnyrosewritesstuff]

Ready to rec some awesome fics that I read this month!! Feel free to add on with some of your own Bagginshield recs. 😁

March 2024 Rec List

G Rated:

A Home, A Pack, A Place of Love by Lucigoo89 (WIP, 4K, 2ch.)- You can't keep me away from puppy fics! Deciding to run away from home, Corgi Bilbo takes puppy Frodo and escapes into the streets which might not be that friendly to the small animals. The love between Frodo and Bilbo is already so adorable and we haven't even met any company members yet!

To Court a King by Porphyrios (Complete, 19K, 1ch.)- This fic has been recced a lot recently and it's totally worth it! Bilbo and Thorin have decided to court, only some are worried about the worthiness of such a match. I have reread this fic twice just this month alone.

T Rated:

Desperate Magic by BeautifulFiction (Complete, 5K, 1ch.)- This is one of those fics that is worth revisting again and again. On the brink of death, Bilbo sees it in himself to tend to Thorin's hair. It's such a unique kind of Everybody Lives fic, and I just get overwhelmed by the love in this story.

Frozen Heart by snowmissus (soul_of_blaze) (WIP, 7K, 3ch.)- When Danny first promoted this fic on tumblr I was 100% invested. Erebor is trapped in a forever winter and Bilbo is brought to see if he can help. I can't wait to see what all is in store for this fic because the setup is spectacular.

Golden Hearts Bleed Faster by LordOfTheRazzles (WIP, 3K, 1ch.)- I've been waiting for Razzy to release this fic. Bilbo Baggins is the Prince of the Shire and in need of a new bodyguard, Thorin. Bilbo is just so sassy and you can tell this is going to lead to some good antics between the duo.

There and Not Back Again (or, The Saving of Erebor) by femmbingley (WIP, 164K, 49ch.)- There's so much to say about this fic. Post-BOTFA dwarven politics where Bilbo has assumed the duties of the consort which makes things more difficult for Dain. I really love the characterizations and I just can't get enough of this fic!

M Rated:

A heart of stone and Fire in his soul by Lucigoo89 (Complete, 3K, 1ch.)- This fic is chock full of beautiful metaphors. Bilbo's introspection on his thoughts of Thorin during their first standoff with Azog. Honestly, this is one of my favorite Goo fics.

E Rated:

Kurdu 'abadaz by LordOfTheRazzles (WIP, 34K, 6ch.)- This is unlike any Post-BOTFA fic I've ever read. The magic of the Arkenstone brings Thorin back to life for a purpose: help the trapped souls of Erebor. There's such a touching scene between Thorin and his amad that has me in pieces over this fic!

Sleep Alone; Start All Over by vicious_summer (WIP, 56K, 3ch.)- I'm still thoroughly enjoying this fic so far. After an accident, Bilbo is the one who ends up losing about seven years worth of memories including the fact that he’s married to the King Under the Mountain. I’m just always so impressed with vicious_summer’s writing style as it has a more Book!Bilbo vibe.

[thesheelfsworld]

My Sun Prince

Warning: None, this is pure fluff

Pairing: Fili Durin x reader

Summary: Fili always looked beautiful, but when the light grazed him, he would glow.

Author's Note: I was definitely inspired by one of @rucow 's drawings, and I hope this gives you the same soft vibes as her drawing gave me. Make sure to check out their art, it'll give you all the feels 🥰

As always, English is not my first language, so please be nice and enjoy!✨

Reclaiming the mountain had been no easy feat, but three years after the battle, things had finally begun to settle. 

In a few weeks' time, the annual Durin’s Day ball will be held and the party preparations were already in full swing. 

As a member of The Company of Thorin Oakenshield, my presence in the festivities was not only expected but required. All 15 of us had our own tradition of gathering outside on the balcony to drink and smoke together and remember how blessed we were to make it out alive, all of us. Even when there was a moment there when it did not seem like it. 

Thorin, Fili, and Kili had been gravely hurt in battle, and when the eagles brought back all three Durins unconscious, the relief of having survived turned sour. Oin could not tell us with certainty if they were going to make it. Their wounds were too severe. That is when the elves’ help came led by a distressed Tauriel, who stood by Kili’s side the entire time. I could have not been more thankful to the elven healers who swiftly got to work and contain their bleeding wounds. 

The three days after the battle were spent pacing restlessly from one side of the infirmary to the other as I helped the healers in whichever way I could. Did they need more gauze? I was on it. More clean rags? I would fetch them. Anything to be useful, but still be close to our wounded. More than once, my feet would take me to the side of the infirmary where my friends rested. Oin had explained that Thorin’s wound was the biggest one, Kili’s wound had luckily spared his spine, but Fili had been wounded in several different places. He had been injured where Azog’s sword had slain him, but the drop afterward had broken both his legs and arm, fractured some ribs, and dislocated a shoulder. All these injuries caused internal bleeding, which they were able to clear, but they were still not sure if he would make it. And if he did, his recovery would be a lengthy and difficult one. Hearing this, I felt devastated. My heart plummeted and tears soon filled my eyes.

After a few days, Oin’s initial diagnosis improved. All three Durins were responding positively to their treatments, although they remained unconscious for the most part.  

Once I was done with my duties for the day, I picked up the habit of looking after the trio, cleaning them slightly, and making sure they were comfortable. I liked talking to them as well, telling them everything that was going on inside the mountain. When I was done, I would usually sit next to Fili and hold his hand. During our travels, I found myself smitten with this dwarf. He was always kind and easy to talk to, and such a fine warrior as well. We worked well together and I genuinely liked fighting alongside him. But the road is no place for romance, and the stakes of the quest were too high. I could not afford to be distracted by my feelings, because those distractions could have cost me my own life or somebody else’s. And yet, with the object of my desires laying upon that bed, unmoving and pale, I could not agree with my previous reasoning. I should have said something, anything. I was so afraid of losing him, of never hearing him speak again, or seeing him fool around with his brother, his eyes alight with mischief and mirth. 

Getting caught up in my musings, I lost track of time and was not sure how long I had been sitting there. The place was dimly lit by the light of the candles, the light rays of sunlight no longer bathing the hall. It must have been night already, surely dinner would be ready in a few. However, I did not wish to leave just yet, I wanted to stay with Fee a while longer. 

Each time I looked at him, a lump would form in my throat. He was so beautiful. The light of the fire would always dance in between the strands of his hair, making them glow and his mustache was neatly braided and resting against his lips, which although pale and chapped, looked as inviting as ever. How I wished I could see them curl into one of his charming grins.

A sob left my throat before I could stop it.

“Mahal, please spare them. Bring them back, bring him…” my voice was barely above a whisper. My prayers were meant for no ears but for those of the Maker. 

And answer my prayers, he did. 

With a lot of effort, patience, and time, all three dwarfs made it out of unconsciousness and through their recovery successfully. And still, I had yet to confess my feelings to a certain prince.

At the moment, however, I had my hands full trying to escape the ever-watchful eye of a certain princess who was set on making me try every dress in existence for the ball. Each dress bigger and stuffier than the last. Do not mistake me, I have gotten along with Dis from the moment I met her. We bonded pretty quickly not only over the stupidity of her kin for splitting up on that mountain, but over our worry for them. But now, I could not run faster to get away from her. 

I had duties to attend to, duties which she canceled in order to try even more dresses than we did the day before, and the day before that one. 

Looking back over my shoulder to make sure she had not spotted me, I did not see where I was going and ran into a very strong chest. 

“Oh, I am so sorry! I did not see-” 

The words caught in my throat when I looked into the eyes that accompanied such a sturdy chest. 

“Oh, hi Fee, how are you?” I tried to sound nonchalant, though I could feel myself blushing.

However, Fili’s expression showed nothing but amusement, and his soft smile fully lessened my embarrasment. 

“I  am alright, just got out of a meeting. You, on the other hand, seem like you are being chased after, are you okay?” He could not contain his chuckle as he asked me if I needed help. 

“I am being chased, actually, by your mother. Please help me,” I pleaded with my best puppy eyes and grabbed the lapels of his coat, “she is making me try all these truly dreadful dresses again, and I can not take it anymore.”

This dwarf really dared to burst out laughing and never had a scowl form so quickly on my face. 

“Yes yes, laugh it up! But next time you are getting scolded for a prank gone wrong, I will not hide you, just wait and see,” and I turned to leave. 

Fili quickly sobered up and grabbed my arm, “There is no need to go there. I am sorry for laughing, it’s just good to be on the other side of her fussing for once, that’s all.”

“Yes, well, it is my first time on this side and it is getting a bit much.”

“I understand, and as a prince, I feel it is my duty to save a damsel in distress. So, if you please” he extended his arm to me “I will hide you from dreadful dress fittings and fusing mothers” 

“My hero!” playing along, I sighted dreamily and leaned on his shoulder, a hand resting against my forehead as I pretended to faint. Fili’s laughter echoed on the walls of the hall and we sped away to the gates of the mountain. 

Arm in arm, we made our way to the edge of the forest that surrounded Erebor. 

“You have no idea how long it has been since I have come out for some fresh air,” I commented. 

“Me too. Uncle has been keeping me very busy these past few weeks”

“So I have noticed. Kili too has been missing a lot lately, but when I do catch sight of him, he is following after Tauriel. It is actually very cute,” a slight smile grazes my face to hide the feeling of longing that loomed in my heart.

“Yes, he has also been very busy, but still makes time to see her. I probably should have done the same, I’ve missed you” 

At that, my eyebrows shot up so high, I was confident they could have met my hairline. I looked at him and found him sitting next to me but staring at the ground. Regaining my senses and taking advantage of this moment of vulnerability, I took a moment to look at him properly. It had been some time since we had had any time together, just the two of us, and I wanted to enjoy it. The golden light of the sun setting in the west took me back to that night in the infirmary when he had been fighting for his life. If I thought then that he was beautiful, now, with the sun kissing his skin and his eyes wide open and full of life, he was ethereal. Absolutely breathless, I tried to answer him, say anything to keep the conversation going, but nothing came out. 

I opened and closed my mouth a few times until Fili turned his entire body to face me. 

“What is it? Do I have something in my face?” he jested.

And I could not help but giggle because yes, he did have something on his face, absolute beauty. 

Fili’s eyes opened wide and his cheeks turned a deep crimson red. Perhaps his skin was getting too sensitive to the sun after being underground for so long, I thought. 

“You really think I am beautiful?” 

I frowned, how did he …? Oh god, how embarrassing to have said that out loud, but then again, he didn’t look put out. Far from it, he looked happy.

“Yes,” all the air left my body with that only word. 

“Yes, I do,” I said, this time with more confidence.

Fili beamed at me. A bright light that seemed to be coming from his very soul out through his eyes and smile blinded me, and I was sure that with him by my side, no dark days would ever come again.

“I think you are very beautiful as well”

His reply made me smile, and the words I have been wanting to say for months -years were now demanding to get out. 

“I feel the deepest kind of love for you, Fili, and I do not know how to hide it anymore.”

“Then don’t,” his eyes became glossy and he took both of my hands in his. “Do not hide it, give it to me instead, and I will give you mine.”

Tears spilled from the corners of my eyes. My heart soared with the knowledge that my affections were returned. 

“Do you truly feel this way?”

“Yes, amralime. I have loved you for as long as I have known you. I loved you after every battle and during our hardest days.” Both of his hands came up to cradle my face and joined our foreheads together. With eyes closed, he continued, “I loved you when you were the first thing I saw after the battle and I loved you when you stood by my side during my recovery. And with each day that passes, I love you even more.” 

My hands grabbed the back of his neck and pushed him to me. Our lips met and all I could focus on was Fili. How he tasted, how he felt, how soft his hair was and how well his hands fitted on my body. 

Warmth filled my entire being, not from the sun, but from the golden prince who was finally in my arms.

[hms-tardimpala]

marriage of convenience bagginshield for the WIP game! the title has me 👀

EEEEEEE!! I'm so happy you asked about this one because (even though I love all my WIPs) this is my current baby. Apologies if this gets long.

Now, I love stories about royal marriages: they can be loveless, hateful, friendly, a business relationship, a mutual beard to hide behind, any number of things. And the potential for sexual frustration is high, and I like that.

I was having fun worldbuilding's Erebor's economical renaissance, and wondered "where would Bilbo and Thorin stand in this universe?" (although I like the story of The Hobbit as it is, in fic, I want Thorin to live and deal with the fallout of his actions) and the most interesting answer was that their relationship is fucked.

In my fic, they fell in love on the road, but while Thorin was goldsick, he married Bilbo in a fit of possessiveness, and was abusive. (to be clear, not sexual assault, but he was really pushy and possessive and ultimately, as we see in the movie, violent.) They stay married because Bilbo knows he wouldn't fit in and would be lonely if he went back to the Shire, and Thorin would have to find another consort and have an heir, and he refuses to pass on his susceptibility to goldsickness. It's better for the kingdom's stability. Also, the person they fell in love with is still there, right? (no they're not, these are all the wrong reasons, can you tell this is a terrible idea?)

I want to show how they become a very efficient ruling team as the years go on but on the personal side their relationship dies. I'm going to create a marriage that is so depressing. In public they look fine, but in private they don't touch, don't discuss their feelings, have separate rooms, etc. I want them to have created these coping mecanisms, walls of fear and guilt at the very beginning, but being unable to take them down when they want to later (which they will, yay).

It's about healing, abuse, duty, addiction (if I can fit it in, otherwise this one'll be a fic of its own), friendship, desire, and how these things mix together when they shouldn't and the result is ugly and not therapy-approved. And I want it to have a happy ending because I believe in healing and forgiveness.

Snippet time! Sorry it's long, I'm a wordy bastard. Careful, the vibes are rancid:

The wizard’s expression darkened, but he started moving again nonchalantly. “We had a similar nightly discussion some time ago. I warned you about Thorin and the effect dragon sickness would have on him. You told me you were not afraid of him, despite everything. Have you revised your opinion?” Bilbo kept walking, but it felt like a heavy stone had dropped inside his stomach. A shiver crept up his neck as the painful sensation of strong hands on his thighs and sides came back to him. He remembered the throat-tightening fear as he listened to Thorin rant and rave, go from gentle to threatening in an instant, Bilbo in his wake never knowing if this time he would escape the king’s fury or be discovered for the traitor he was and choked by a hand heavy with gold rings. He saw again the leering, the unbridled desire, the possessiveness. Thorin covering him in riches and bedding him on top of his cursed gold like he was one of his things to use as he pleased. [...] What happened didn’t matter because Bilbo couldn’t afford to grant it importance. The fact was that when he married Thorin Oakenshield, he married a dragon. A dragon that had since then disappeared, but who could tell that it wasn’t lying in wait, observing Bilbo hungrily from behind beloved blue eyes? “I haven’t,” he told Gandalf. “I don’t fear Thorin, I fear what he could become if he’s not watched.” “It is not your responsibility to watch over him, Bilbo,” the wizard said gently. It is. And not because Bilbo had taken hollow-sounding vows during a travesty of a ceremony hastily held in the treasury. He hadn’t needed a title or a formal bonding to jump between Azog and Thorin, to deliver him from giant spiders or the cells of Mirkwood, or to endorse his plea to the Master of Laketown.

This is gonna be unhealthy before it gets better.

Anyway, I hope you don't mind how long this got. Thank you so much for asking, it made me so happy to tell you about it 💙

[skxrbrand]

Still trying to figure out what Khade's character is like

Khorne is the dad with anger issues

Slaanesh is a narcissistic parent for sure

Tzeentch is the zany uncle who believes in conspiracy theories and has some Undiagnosed Issue

Nurgle is the only one with any business having kids/daemons

and Khade...hmmm. I feel like he should be anger focused as well, but not in the explosive, feral way that Khorne is. He kinda gives me Tywin Lannister, Snoke, or even Hannibal vibes (maybe even Lotso Huggin Bear?), vs. Khorne who's definitely more of an Azog / Stoick the Vast / Spear from Primal / Koba type character.

I'm tempted to kind of go the Greenskins route, with Khorne being a Berserker with Honor and Khade being Honorable with a minor in Berserk.

[stoplookingupforheaven]

rain liveblogs the hobbit an unexpected journey but it’s just one post

NOT THE SPOONS

thirteen men barging into my home unexpectedly? yeah this was written by a man

WAIT WAIT IS THIS WHOLE THING THORIN’S MIDLIFE CRISIS???

far over the misty mountains remains unironically one of my favorite songs and this movie came out when i was eleven

not bilbo immediately handing the contract to balin and not thorin. power move

okay say what you will about this hobbit but he is advocating for himself!! yes u Do need that pocket handkerchief sir!

spooky scary storytime

every time i watch these battle scenes i just. imagine being at the back of one of these giant-ass armies. all full of adrenaline cause it’s combat, but you just gotta wait

i’m sorry but i just don’t Get thorin

“died of his wounds”

narrator: azog had not died of his wounds. azog was alive and well and tracking the dwarves

i just see hedgehogs now and i think norman

river plate fireworks going off in the background really set the mood for this movie

IS IT TROLL TIME I THINK ITS TROLL TIME

biLBO JUST LEAVE THE FOOD

oh my god bilbo just leave the scythe alone- EEEEEEEW

and then kili, in an act that would set the tone for his entire character arc, did something stupid

do- do any of the dwarves know what the word “parasite” means

i would be very interested to study the geology of stone troll

dwalin might be my favorite dwarf. he Always passes the vibe check

this movie refreshes my fear of spiders every time i watch

radagast brought the receipts

geologically, this route into rivendell does not work

thorin. grow up

“hidden pass” THATS NOT A LOGICAL LAND FEATURE

OH LOOK. ITS THE ORC. THE ONE WHO DIED OF HIS WOUNDS

it occurs to me that the bad blood between gandalf and saruman predates the sauron issue

EXCESSIVE CONSUMPTION OF MUSHROOMS??? can’t decide if it’s funnier if saruman is implying that radagast is constantly tripping or that an Actual vegetable is ruining him

i am an hour and forty-three minutes into this movie and i am Just now remembering that gollum, who arguably kick-starts the entire lord of the rings trilogy, is going to make an appearance

HOw in the motherfuck did bilbo hold onto sting when they just both went rocketing off a cliff

i gotta give the goblin king points for theatrics

WELL WELL WELL, LOOK WHO IT IS

“if baggins loses, we eats it whole” was delivered SO matter of factly

teeth…? TEEEEEEEEETH

paused the commentary to ice my shins but. goblin kingdom escape scene my beloved

andy serkis ate this role up

GANDALF’S EYE TWITCHING

the Zoom™ of shock when thorin sees azog

ah yes this is the best way to defeat the orcs. start a forest fire

thorin what in the fuckery

this is giving new meaning to the term “hot girl walk”

me every five seconds: i really wanna go to new zealand

i did forget thorin got a partial redemption arc in this movie

there better be a way down from their very convenient outcropping the eagles have dropped them on because like. the company can’t fly

YOU HAD TO SAY SOMETHING BILBO. YOU HAD TO SAY SOMETHING

overall lovely and now i really miss fifth grade. rain out

[lathalea]

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

The tumblr group The Hobbit (aka the Dwarf Lovers aka The Cult of Saint Bofur and the fanclub of Helicopter Dori) strikes again! This time we watched “The Desolation of Covid” or “Bilbo doesn't know what's going on: The Sequel”.

Remember, you’re reading our silly comments below at your own risk. Oh, and they are NSFW. Sometimes ;)

They hear Beorn's roaring in the background. Thorin: Friend or foe? Gandalf (whispers): ...a furry Dwarves: *internally screaming*

Thorin: *being majestic*

Things get wild at Beorn's. Everyone: Gandalf really needs to stop throwing parties at houses that do no belong to him

The furious bear roars at the dwarves inside Beorn's house. Gandalf (smug mode on): This is our host Dwarves: Fuck Gandalf you've been smoking too much weed again! Gandalf (swag mode on): we are fine

Bilbo plays with his, ahem, ring. Everyone: Bilbo, it's not polite to fondle your things around other people

Thorin: *being majestic, part deux*

Azog and Necromancer at Dol Guldur Azog: I finished my homework Necromancer: Ok now clean your room Azog: but Dad you promised me i can play with my friend

Thorin: *being majestically majestic*

Meeting Beorn, he's pissed at the amount of dwarves Beorn: I'd kill you but the hobbit is cute

Thorin: *impatient brooding* Also Thorin: TIME IS MONEY

More dwarves appear. Beorn to Gandalf: are there any more? Even more Dwarves appear. Beorn: FUCK OFF ALREADY

Galadriel and Gandalf have a long distance relationship. (DID SOMEONE SAY A 'SHIP'?) Galadriel: sends a very long SMS about the evil forces gathering Gandalf: seen

At the border of Mirkwood. Gandalf: oh the forest is scary... OK CYA GUYS!

Dwarves traveling through Mirkwood Everyone: is it smart to let Thorin lead ? Everyone: Guys, do you really want to follow Thorin?

Rain in Mirkwood. Everyone: OH LOOK WET DWARVES Thorin appears on the screen. Everyone: Ah, Majestically Moist Dwarves.

Crossing a river in Mirkwood. Thorin: send the lightest first bc I wanna see Bilbo's cute ass

Everyone is hallucinating. Is it shrooms or did they eat something at Beorn's? When Bombur said brownies he didnt say that type of brownies I tell you, they stole some shit from gandalf! Bilbo: I'm totally high but thorin still looks hot

Thorin *hallucinates majestically*

Thorin tries to shoot a deer :'( THORIN YOU LITTLE BITCH! Correction, you majestic bitch!

Poor Thorin. He misses everithing: the road to bag end, the trail in Mirkwood, the deer, everything.

They got lost in Mirkwood (we're looking at you, Thorin) Thorin: we're going east Everyone: Thorin you don’t even know where east is!

Bilbo is playing with his *ring* again. He’s so uneccessarily sensual with it It's Thorin's fault. He sang once and made Bilbo realize he was gay as hell

The meeting between Thorin and Thranduil. Oh shit now we have the epic fight of the majestic kings... you mean two divas having a cat fight?

Thorin x Thrandy FTW! Thirsty Thranduil looks at Thorin: THERE IS THE KING UNDER THE MOUNTAIN THAT I TOO DESIRE Thorin: *glares majestically, trying to hide a blush* Thranduil: *wink* YOU KNOW, ONE KING WITH ANOTHER Everyone: Oh, an arranged marriage! Thranduil: *stares at Thorin* Thorin: *stares back at Thranduil* Everyone: Guys is it me or does Thrandy look like hes having an orgasm

Balin - daddy vibes: WHAT DID U SAY TO THRANDUIL Thorin: I told him he was shitty and I hated his face and HE'S NOT INVITED TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY. Balin: *facepalm*

Thranduil and Tauriel scene, he says Leggy is off limits. Everyone: Thranduil, dude, you just cockblocked your son!

In the dungeons. You know, they went into the cells fully dressed...so where did all their clothes go? They played strip poker, duh

Wine barrel escape. AQUAPARK TIME! Thorin *majestic even when in a barrel and wet* Bilbo: well i was planning on sharing a barrel with thorin but ok The elvenkings magical barrel ride. Available now at Universal studios.

Kili gets wounded. Everyone: KILI THIS IS NOT HOW YOU GET YOUR ELVISH GIRL TO NOTICE YOU! Tauriel arrives. Everyone: ... or is it?

Kili probably got a boner 4 times since meeting Tauriel. Like 1 time per minute? Yeah seriously their romance is like 5 minutes long.

Gandalf meets Radagast at the Bitch King of Angmar's... whoops Witch King of Angmar's tomb. Radagast: pick a more romantic place for a date next time, it only has 1 michelin star

Gandalf's crazy ass speech about the Nine being resurrected by the Necromancer and the menace they bring Radagast: Gandalf, you junkie! Everyone: Everything would have been easier if you just burned the fucking corpses

Gandalf speaks to Radagast of dwarves: we cannot forsake them

Everyone: You can't forsake them?! Gandalf you have been leaving them alone this entire time!

Thorin: *swims majestically*

The dwarves get to the shore of the river, safe and sound. Where’s Bilbo? He drowned.

A person appears with a bow. Oh look! Bard! Naah, It's Legolas in his pirate phase.

At the shore. Okay real question, where are Bilbo and Thorin in this scene? MAKING OUT IN THE BUSHES

Thorin *being majestic in the background*

Miserable, wet dwarves by the river. Thorin's wet hair: *majestic*

Thranduil's cloak: *swirls fashionably* Thranduil's sass kills people.

Legolas follows Tauriel out of Mirkwood. Legolas: SHIT ADA IS GOING TO KILL ME

Thorin: *wet, tired, pissed but still very majestic*

Thorin stinks with fish: *STILL MAJESTIC AF*

Thorin stares at the windlance and, yes, you guessed it, *brooding. majestically.*

Balin: Don't be such a little bitch, Thorin and take the weapons Bard gave us Thorin: *a majestic lil bitch face*

Flasahback with Azanulbizar. Flashback with Girion and the windlance. Wait a second, is Balins role just to make flashback scenes? Balin is needed for remembering things. He's a data disk, you know... An old floppy.

Dwalin in Laketown: *pissed 24/7*

Tauriel and Legolas with bows, aiming at each other. Everyone: MEXICAN STANDOFF!

Tauriel to Legolas: Mellon Legolas: *broken_heart* Everyone: He's just got mellon-zoned!

Everyone: Look, Thorin fucked up! Everyone else: He's majestic, not smart!

Meeting with the ppl of Laketown. Dwalin: This is Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror Thorin: *majestic as assdhsgfgdh fuck* Balin: shit Dwalin it was supposed to be a secret

Bilbo vouches for Thorin in Laketown. Thorin: *stares majestically and lovingly at Bilbo* Everyone: BAGGINSHIELD KISS!!!

Look at the face Legolas makes But it's Bard!

Bofur: He’s sick! Kili: *sick* Master of Laketown: WHERE IS YOUR FACE MASK

Thorin on a boat: *BEING INTENSELY MAJESTIC*

Everyone: It is the crossing of the Delaware! But with dwarves!

Thorin staring at Dale, Bilbo nearby. Everyone: Thorin, you dramatic bitch! Thorin: Look Master Baggins i am so horny right now come and get naked, I'm majestic

Thorin walks past Bilbo and then returns. LMAO WHY HE BRUSHED PAST HIM LIKE THAT TO BE MAJESTIC

Gandalf and Radagast's date at Dol Guldur, continued. Gandalf: are we exclusive now? Radagast: *mumbles* Gandalf: do I have your word Radagast: yes, yes *sigh*

Thorin *stares majestically at the entrance to Erebor* Bilbo: *swoon* Also Bilbo: how close can i stand to you without it looking suspicious that we are a couple

Thrain jumps at Gandalf. Gandalf: ooh i didnt know you were into this kind of stuff, Thrain, kinky! <3

Thrain remembers who he is. Thrain: I had a son... Everyone: YOU HAD TWO SONS JUST FORGET AND ENTIRE FUCKING CHILD AND WHAT ABOUT DIS Took classes from Denethor, did he?

The secret door to Erebor. Last light of Durin's Day. The Company: Where is the key? Thorin: whoops left it at bag end

What shampoo do u use Thorin? Thorin: Thorial Paris

Thorin, defeated: what did we miss, Balin? Balin: *clueless* Everyone: Oh look, Old Floppy has no information. Who formated him?

Bilbo figures out the secret entrance by the moonlight. Bilbo: come back! if I have to open this door myself I swear to god I will murder everyone in this valley

Thorin takes the key: *hot, majestic, very hot and did we mention majestic?*

Bilbo stares at a relief inside Erebor: and what is this thing above the throne? Balin with sad eyes: that's the clitoris, bilbo. none of us have ever seen it

Bilbo: how will I know what to search for? Balin: theres only one clitoris on a woman, you'll know it when u see it... Bilbo: *stares* Balin: *sighs* i get if you're gay and its too much for you bilbo Bilbo: *stares* Balin: Oh Bilbo this is a suicide mission, ok have fun. BALIN OUT!

The necromancer attacks at Dol Guldur. Gandalf takes his wand: EXPECTO PATRONUM!

Sauron: *shows himself, the eye and the flames, you know the stuff* Gandalf: asdfhgdjh Sauron: so this is from my new autumn collection what do you think?

Bilbo walks around the treasure chamber, searching. Clueless Bilbo: clitoris, clitoris... hmmm

Smaug opens his eye. Bilbo: Sherlock, why r u wearing a dragon costume? Smaug: it's for a case, John

Smaug wakes up pissed. Smaug: I KNOW THE SMELL AND TASTE OF DWARF. Bilbo: Oh shit, I should have showered after sex.

Smaug: what r u doing here thief Bilbo: they told me one can find a clitoris here, i did not believe them!

Smaug: you think flattery will keep you alive? Bilbo: well it worked with thorin...

Everyone: SMAUG YOUR SHERLOCK IS SHOWING

Thorin: i will not risk this quest for one burglar Balin, the Old Floppy accessing the data: THORIN YOU WHORE HIS NAME IS BILBO

Hey, imagine the Witch King riding Smaug! Imagine Bilbo riding Smaug. Imagine Bilbo riding Thorin...

Gandalf has a strange relationship with cages. He learned bdsm from the dwarves. All the leather and metal shit dwarves have they are into some kinky shit don’t try and tell me they aren't. Erebor is literally a bdsm dungeon thats why they want it back.

Bard wakes up in a prison cell with a headache. Bard: omg who did i sleep with this time

Thorin escapes from the dragonfire (in a majestic way), his clothes burn. Everyone: This girl is oooon fiiiiireeeee

Dwalin is a fierce warrior throughout the movie. If he was a snack, he would be a protein bar. Smaug scene in the forges. Everyone: GO DWALIN PROTEIN BADASS! Dwalin makes his own protein powder, drinks, and health bars! Available now in a mountain near you.

A ff idea!!! Modern day dwalin gym nut who lives off protein shakes. Who's going to write it?

Thorin hanging in the air above Smaug. Everyone: Thorin is just turning into rock tarzan!

Thorin *majestically swings in the air*

Why is Smaug so cranky? He was Thorin's ex and now he's pissed that Thorin prefers a younger guy with a nice ass, Bilbo.

How do they gain an advantage against Smaug? Three words: Molotov cocktail Balin Oh, and Mario cart - Thorin edition

Smaug demolishes Erebor. Everyone: So much property damage... I hope Thorin has insurance

Smaug: *throws a fit* Everyone: He clearly needs a Snickers bar

Smaug flies away to destroy Laketown. Bilbo: oh fuck what have we done Thorin: its ok, its outside of Erebor, wanna go skinny dipping in a pool of gold?

You are the best group ever! 💙💙💙

@estethell @awkwardly-sitting-in-the-corner @deathlikessodaandpizza @missiemoosie @hopeforthefutre @theresonlyzuul @shrimpsthings @anunexpectedtmblr​

Missed the ‘An Unexpected Journey’ post? Here it is.

And here is The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies.

[rattyoakenbitch]

The Hobbit: In My Feelings || Thorin x Elf Reader

Warnings: Language, angst, mentions of blood, mentions of death sadness.

Pairings: Thorin Oakenshield x (short) Elf Reader

Note: OKAY, I’M SORRY IF THIS SOUNDS STUPID BUT I HAD TO. Basically, Gandalf & Galadriel did the nasty, resulting in a child, which is you. I don’t know if Elves and Wizards can.. you know, but I don’t care. I ship Gandalf & Galadriel wayyy too much and they’d be the coolest parents. Also, I was listening to Lana Del Rey’s “In My Feelings”, which just gave me this sad and sort of angry vibe, so I thought I’d make an imagine sort of releasing all that anger. I don’t know if that made any sense. 

Summary: Thorin Oakenshield, King Under The Mountain, your One, was taken over by dragon sickness. When Bilbo shares a little secret about having the Arkenstone in his possession, you take his side, angering Thorin. 

“It’s a trick! The Arkenstone is here in this mountain!” Thorin’s voice boomed. The king looked down intently at the bargeman, who was tossing the stone up and catching it as if it were a paper ball, only infuriating him more.

“It’s no trick. I gave it to them.” You close your eyes as you hear Bilbo’s words. You both kept the stone a secret, but now you were on edge, thinking about Thorin’s reaction. You were certain he would just about blow up. Thorin slowly turned around, staring Bilbo down, his face unreadable. 

“You?”

“I took it as my fourteenth share,” the hobbit said sheepishly.

“You would steal from me?” Thorin spoke lowly, sending shivers down your spine. “Steal from you? No, no. I may be a burglar, but I like to think I’m an honest one.” Thorin started to approach him, causing more anxiety and pressure to build up inside of you. “I’m willing to let it stand against my claim.”

“Your claim? You have no claim over me, you miserable rat!” Before Thorin could get a hold of Bilbo, you stopped him abruptly, standing in front of the frightened hobbit.

“Thorin, stop. It’s my fault, too.” He still had a hateful look on his face, but his eyes softened as he realized it was you, his One. He processed the words you had just spoke, and furrowed his brows together.

“What are you talking about?”

“Bilbo came to me and told me about the Arkenstone.. I knew he had it since we reclaimed the mountain..”  The tension in the air was high, and it was silent, besides the heavy breathing and the thumping in your chest.

“You..? Out of all people, why you?” He asked, seemingly hurt.

“Can’t you see, Thorin? You’ve become someone else. Ever since we had come to Erebor, all you’ve been talking about was the Arkenstone! Even daring to doubt the loyalty of your own fucking kin! As much as you hate to admit it, you have become your grandfather!” He took a step forward, staring you down like a lion would stalk its prey. But you stood your ground. You knew Thorin would never dare harm you.  “Thorin, we only want what’s best for you.. The stone has turned you into a monster. The dwarf that I met and loved in Rivendell would never dare to doubt his family, nor his friend,” you whispered, tears falling from your eyes. You searched his, looking for any sense of love or remorse. There was nothing in his deep blue eyes. It was empty, only full with greed. Within a second, you were held over the wall by your neck and collar, choking as Thorin’s grip got tighter. 

“Thorin, no!” The Company protested, attempting to stop Thorin. But he shoved them back, keeping you in his grasp. 

“Do not speak to me of love and loyalty, you traitor,” he spat, face twisting up in anger. It was at that moment that you knew Thorin was long gone. He was lost to the sickness, and you were devoid of any solutions to bring him back. You started to feel your chest tighten, and your head grow light. You gave up your struggle, and let yourself die by the hands of your lover. 

“If you do not like my daughter, hand her back to me!” A voice suddenly rang out. You realized it was the voice of your father, who you have not heard from since departing from Rivendell. “You are not making such a splendid figure as King Under the Mountain, are you, Thorin Oakenshield?”  At that, you were carelessly tossed aside back on the wall, gasping for air.  Fili & Kili helped you up, while Bofur assisted Bilbo down the wall.

“I am so sorry,” you cried to them. They simply shushed you by giving you a tight hug.

“Go, now. Save yourself,” Kili said. 

“May we meet again, someday, somehow,” you say last, before following Bilbo down the rope. Once you reached the bottom, you took one more glance at the king, your former love, before hurrying to Dale.

***

Thorin’s POV

I walked into the room where The Company was gathered, upset expressions on their faces. Soon as Kili noticed my presence, he stood up to approach me. “I will not hide behind walls of stone, while others fight our battle for us!” He vented, “It is not in my blood, Thorin.”

“No,” I said calmly. “It is not. We are Sons of Durin. And Durin’s Folk do not flee from a fight.” We hold each other in a short embrace, before I turn to the rest of The Company, who watched with anticipation. “I have no right to ask this of any of you, but will you follow me, one last time?” They all stood up and gripped their weapons, nodding their heads. I scan the room, looking for any signs of Y/N.

“Where is she?” I ask, “Where is my One? Where is Y/N?” Fili looks at the ground with a saddened face before answering. “She left with Bilbo over the wall. Must have fled to Dale or left completely.”

What have I done?

*** You took a seat by the steps of a ruined house, completely spaced out, trying to process what just took place. You had reclaimed Erebor, but for what? To lose your friends. More importantly, the one you were going to wed. But what were you thinking? An elf and a dwarf would never work. They had a big history of being hateful towards one another, and neither families would approve of such marriage, You knew Thorin would be taken by the sickness, but tried to shut out the fact and live an unrealistic fantasy. Because all good things come to an end. Right?

Hours passed since the battle started. Elves, dwarves, men, orcs. You didn’t fight, though. You stayed seated by the abandoned house, ignoring the death and screams around you. As much as you wanted to go back to rejoin The Company, Thorin would probably kill you. He already tried to. Your only love. Because of a stupid stone.

“Y/N! Miss Y/N!” Bilbo called, snapping you out of your daze. You look up at the little hobbit who was running towards you. “Thorin, Kili, Fili, and Dwalin are going to Ravenhill! It’s a trap! We have to warn them!”

You wanted to say “why”? and “let them die”, but as much as you were pained and angry, you knew you couldn’t live with yourself, knowing you left your friends to their death.

“Let’s go.”

You & Bilbo made it to Ravenhill, successfully keeping out of sight from any enemies. But when you made it to the top, it was empty. No dwarves in sight, nor any orcs. You frantically searched the area for any signs of them. When at last, you found all four of them.

“Wait!” Bilbo shouted, instantly making their heads dart your direction. When Thorin’s eyes found yours, he practically ran over to you. “Y/N, I--” You collided the back of your hand with his face, stopping him from finishing his sentence. But shortly after, before he could react, you pulled him into a passionate kiss, as if to say sorry. “Okay, I might have deserved that,” he admitted, pulling away. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I did not see.”

“I love you, Thorin. And I will fight by your side, no matter the circumstance.”

Bilbo awkwardly coughed. “Okay, lovebirds. I hate to break up the cute reuniting kissy moment, but Azog has another army attacking from the north! This watch tower will be surrounded!”

AHHH I was in a rush making this and wasn’t sure if I should continue or just end it here. LMK! 

[rudechickenboy]

@rudechickenboy

Independent Mercury Black Roleplay blog

About the Blog:

Canon divorced (I am not interested in interacting with any other R*BY characters or blogs)

Semi selective

Primary verse is DTLS (threads found @hardheadedbighearted on my end). Chicken fam verse is the main interactive verse

DTLS is a closed verse, but you are welcome to interact with DTLS Mercury behind the fourth wall through asks

Other R*BY characters will appear occasionally as npc/extras; Hazel and Emerald are also piggybacking on the blog and can be interacted with individually.

About Mercury:

~Twenty years old unless otherwise stated in-verse (generally teens/very early twenties, fourteen in chicken fam)

Transgender man, sexuality is a bit up in the air

Emerald is his partner and the most important person in the world to him

Murdered his dad after a childhood of abuse

Double atk amputee

Main hobby is music; he plays the guitar and writes songs, depending on verse may be learning other instruments

The tag "mercury playlist" contains songs that vibe with me as being either applicable to Mercury, or songs he particularly likes/enjoys playing. Some will be tagged "__ edition", which are songs that apply either to his relationship with that person, or his perception of them, or songs he associates with them.

About Mun:

Theo, he/him, 3o+

Over a decade of off-and-on roleplay experience on Livejournal and Tumblr

I was active in the Tolkien rp communities as Azog/commanderoflegions and Ash/ashnazgtheonering for several years, if any of you are past partners and want to hit me up

Other active rp blogs are @hardheadedbighearted (James Ironwood/Ironwoof, DTLS hub) and @rublesandjaun (joint Ruby Rose and Jaune Arc)

About verses:

DTLS: Mercury’s new home canon after the divorce. This one follows the adventures of the residents of Grimm-and-Remnant, colloquially called the “Twin Cities” or just “the Cities” and the Duckburgers who have gotten involved in the newest incarnation of their millennia-old war against an immortal witch queen with a goddess complex. This one is closed; think of it the way you would think of the source canon for any other character, ie the way Ducktales is the source canon for Boyd Drake. Though the verse is closed, you can interact with DTLS Mercury behind the fourth wall via asks, if you like.

Chicken fam: This au features Mercury being discovered by Gyro after murdering his father, and Gyro taking him in. It begins in the week after AstroBOYD. This is my main interactive verse in terms of outside partners, so any random interactions will most likely default to here. The chicken fam au also overlaps with the default verse over at rublesandjaune.

[things-theyd-say]

Bec: Vibe check!

Bec: *stabs Azog*

[facelessxchurch]

Your Charivari has Azog the Defiler vibes (except human) which is good because in my mind Charivari has always been a human Azog the Defiler

Oh damn, I've completely forgotten this guy existed. 'The Hobbit' movies were so forgettable apart from Thranduil/Lee Pace O_O

I saw someone else draw Charivari with scars but I kinda pictured him more with (tribal) tattoos so I combined those two and gave him some sick ass scar tattoo >:D The scars on Azog seem like decoration too, so that's a funny coincidence I totally messed up drawing him buff tho (he needs to be buffer with broader shoulders than I drew), but oh well, it was just a quick silly thing and I so enjoyed drawing his expressions!

[ao3feed-thehobbit]

To Chase The Rising Sun

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2PzVM3n

by ISeeFire

To all of Middle Earth, the hobbits of the Shire are known as those who tame dragons. It is to them that Thorin goes for help against Smaug, and it is them he promptly insults because, seriously, whose idea was it to send Thorin to negotiate?

What it says on the tin! The Quest, now with added dragons cause they make everything better! :D :D

Words: 2238, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M

Characters: Thorin Oakenshield, Bilbo Baggins, Gandalf, Azog, Dwalin, Balin, Óin, Glóin, Bifur, Bombur, Nori, Dori, Fíli, Kíli, Ori - Character, The Company, Smaug

Relationships: Female Bilbo/Fili, Bilbo Baggins/Fíli

Additional Tags: Genderswap, always a girl bilbo, Slow Build, Drama & Romance, Bilba is a BAMF, Female Bilbo Baggins, dragons!, woot!, Dragon Trainer, Eventual Happy Ending, Angst, Drama, Tiny bit of a crack vibe at times

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2PzVM3n