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sweetaliencheeks · 1 year

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THE ONE WHERE HE KNOCKS

“Who is it?” I threw my cardigan over my shoulders as I approached the door, barely missing to trip over the corner of the rug. It was late at night, and I had taken my shower, swiped my make up off, and sat down in front of some stupid reality show with a hot tea. I had been enjoying the relaxing scent of dried leaves and honey, and the comfort of a warm blanket over my legs when someone knocked on my door. I was most definitely not expecting guests, so my first thought had been a neighbour in trouble or in need of sugar or flour, my second thought had been a scam to have me robbed. Either way I had gotten up and walked towards the entry.

“It’s me” nothing could have prepared me for the voice that echoed in the hall on the other side of the door. It was like hearing a stranger, only I knew him by heart, like the palm of my hand. I took a deep breath, wondering if I really should open the door, if it was a good idea to let him in again both literally and figuratively. I exhaled slowly, almost disappointed that I wasn’t a robbery and that I was about to be put face to face with heartbreak.

“Hey” the door swung open and my eyes locked on his, my breath hitched in my throat “What are you doing on Earth?”

“Visiting a friend, thought I’d come by” he replied calmly. He seemed bothered, almost uncomfortable. Maybe by the sheer fact that he was standing in front of me covered in guilt and the lies he had told me, or maybe by the way my question might have made him feel like he wasn’t welcome.

“How did you find me?” his eyes darted from left to right, before landing on the printed carpet of the building’s hallway. It was terribly ugly, a faded deep red with yellow lys flowers printed on it. Nothing that deserved the attention he was granting it “Nevermind” it was an effort to make him feel less pressured to answer, not that I actually wanted to hear said answer. All that I wanted to hear was an explanation. After a few seconds of silence, fearing that I might have come across cold, I finally spoke “I’m sorry, I’m just surprised to see you”

“Yeah, thought you’d be. That’s why I decided to knock instead of coming in through the window” he nodded towards the kitchen window right behind me “I saw it was open, that’s uh, kinda dangerous”

“I know” my voice sounded like a child who had just been yelled at, I was almost embarrassed and looking for a way to make myself sound like a big person who could live alone safely. I sniffled and looked over my shoulder at the small window just over the fire escape that he would climb to come and visit me during the time period of the blip “It’s been open ever since you left, guess I’ve always hoped you’d come back” a dry chuckle echoed in my chest, not knowing what else to say “Maybe that’s why I was so surprised” I had initially gone for a shrug, but the way my shoulders dropped in absolute defeat, made me go for a self hug, arms crossed tightly over my cardigan and around my body “Because you knocked”

“Yeah” he forced out a chuckle, and we resumed looking at the floor.

“Shit, sorry” after a few minutes of looking in between one another, the floor and the ceiling, I finally caved in and stepped aside. Letting him come into my home again was only one step away from letting him back in my life and into my heart “Come in. Do you want a drink, or something? I’ve got like whisky, I think? I don’t drink much anymore” I began frantically roaming through the cupboards, trying to find something that he could have enjoyed. I was afraid that if I took too long, he might change his mind and leave.

“What are you drinking?” I looked down at my cup, which was still sitting on the coffee table where I had left it. I scrunched up my nose thinking about how cold it must have been by then “I’ll have that” he nodded towards it, sounding both very confident and completely terrified of trying something such as a Terran stupid calming drink.

“You drink tea?” I half chuckled.

“I do now” something about him drinking tea made me smile. He wasn’t a tea kind of guy when I met him, I wasn’t even sure he was a water kind of guy when I met. But the idea of him holding and drinking a calming, sweet, comforting cup of tea was absolutely precious to me.

“So… how’s life?” I asked over my shoulder as I made my way to the kitchen. He seemed to have found a comfortable enough spot on the sofa, although he still seemed quite awkward and stiff. The silence was heavy, and it would have been deafening if it hadn’t been for the water boiling in the pot. I added the teabag and some honey in the bright pink mug and walked over to him “I’m bad with small talk”

“Look, I’m sorry I left” I was taken aback by how quickly and harshly it came out. He probably thought I was still angry at him, but I could tell there was regret in his words by the way his voice trembled.

“It’s ok, I understand” I handed him his cup, and proceeded to pick up mine from the table before plopping down next to him “I mean, you got your family back and a whole galaxy to save. You had no time to waste with a human” I had always known that I was never a priority in his life. How could I be? He was a modified literal space genius whom, on multiple occasions, had had the fate of the entire galaxy between his tiny little hands. And I was nothing but ordinary. So when he left, I didn’t try to find a reason, or which one of us was to blame. It felt like it was just the way it was meant to be.

“Still shouldn’t have left like that” his reaction to his first sip of tea was somewhere between expected disgust and happy surprise. I smiled and watched him go for a second one, with a giddy shimmy of his shoulders this time.

“You shouldn’t have… but apology accepted” the tv remote was right next to me and I had to fight the urge to turn it on. I couldn’t take any more of the silence and the terrible dread that it was to sit in face of someone I cared about so deeply, with whom I had shared intimate moments and secret thoughts, and feel like he was nothing more than an acquaintance that I was smiling at out of politeness. He had changed, that was a fact. But he was still himself, only a better version than the one who left in the middle of the night a few years back. So although I wanted to blame my distancing on him, I couldn’t. He was being nothing but nice and sweet towards me, I was the one to blame. I had been alone with myself for so long, that the reflection on the mirror had somehow convinced me that I was over him, that I was no longer sad, that a nonchalant approach was a far more appropriate way to deal with things than to drown in alcohol and hold a grudge forever. I was the one who was angry and bitter and revengeful, I was the one who wanted to hurt him for the hell he had put me through, but he seemed to have worked so hard to fix himself, that it didn’t seem fair to punish someone who no longer existed “I forgive you, as long as you let me know when you leave this time”

“I will” a small smile tugged at the corner of my lip at his answer, maybe because it would stop me from crying, maybe because I just wanted him to feel like I would believe it this time “I, uh… I wanted to ask you something”

“Sure, I’m listening” I had to fight a scoff, but couldn’t help my eyebrows from raising in astonishment. I clenched my jaw, teeth grinding against each other and a ball of rage building up in my chest.

“Are ya still good with animals?” my eyebrows twitched before falling into a frown. But the situation was so preposterous, that I laughed.

“Yeah, why? Need your shots?” I nodded towards him in a taunting way, as angry as I could have been at him, I would have done anything to catch a smile on his face.

“Very funny. No, I need you to look after someone” without any further explanation, he reached behind his back and handed me something. I wanted to ask if that was the reason why he had been sitting strangely from the beginning but I didn’t have to, since he instantly leaned back on the pillows.

“Oh! Oh, my God! It’s… Is it…?” I reached out for him too, and grabbed what he gave me. The little raccoon instantly began sniffing my hands, small whiskers tickling my wrists and tiny claws scratching into my palms. It was so small and so soft and fragile, the fact that Rocket had been like this once before he was pulled apart and put together was heart wrenching. It made me sick.

“It ain’t mine” Rocket scoffed “I’m just looking after him”

“He’s so cute, look at those little hands” I brought my face closer to the little creature and cooed “Hi, baby”

“So, will ya help me look after him?” I looked between the little puppy and the pleading eyes behind him. I was about to make a mistake and I knew it, but saying no to those two sets of eyes was impossible.

“Coparenting sounds like a lot of fun, but what? Do I send him on train to Knowhere on the weekends?” joking had always been my go to coping mechanism and an easy way out of tough situations, and this one was particularly complicated.

“No, you uh, you come with us” he avoided my face, he didn’t look at me, not even a glance. It was a mix of frustration and anger that tightened the grip around my cup until I could see my knuckles begin to turn white.

“To fucking space?” honestly, I couldn’t tell if it was a laugh or a growl that passed trough my teeth.

“To fricking space” Rocket pointed at the baby with a quick motion, arm extended and palm turned towards the ceiling. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that, as a regular raccoon, this little guy wouldn’t be able to swear either he heard the words or not. I set the small baby on my lap, and kept petting him, focusing on his soft breathing was helping me keep myself together.

“I don’t know… you do realise that I can’t just go and move to space?” thinking that it would have been obvious enough for the space genius was a mistake. Given the expression on his face, it seemed like all I had to do was throw my toothbrush and a pair of fresh underwear into my handbag and fly away into the stars “And did you seriously come all the way here to ask me to babysit?”

“I came here because I missed ya” his voice changed in a split of a second, and all I could do was bury my face into my hands, elbows set on my knees. I didn’t know what to say. I missed you, too. Why did you leave? Do you love me? Have you ever? I would go anywhere with you, the galaxy, the sea, the edge of the world. Did you think of me as your spaceship took off? When you looked up at the sky? Because I did. All the damn time.

“I’d have to sell my appartement, and my car… Quit my job, say goodbye to everyone” and that was only to list a few of the things I had thought about saying instead of what I really wanted to say “It’s really not that easy…”

“You don’t have to answer now” his eyes were glossy when they finally met mine and it hit me so hard that I had to look away. Too many memories were brought up in that second and it was like finding a piece of my past that I wasn’t ready too deal with. Not again. Not yet.

“Yeah” it was a whisper, nothing more, and a trembling lip that quickly turned into a sniffle and an awkward change of sitting position as I tucked my legs under my body, ready to change the subject “Where did you find the emotional bribe?”

“Some lab was gonna test on him. Had a whole bunch of them, found them homes” he replied plainly, as if it was nothing and as if he hadn’t mentioned having been on that same terrible situation when he was just a puppy himself. I wasn’t about to bring it up, or to ask questions or to push him to tell me more. He never shared much anyway, and I was trying too hard not to cry to throw myself into a subject that could so easily be the last straw. I have to admit that the idea of going to space to look after this small loving creature and help him look after an even smaller and just as lovely creature, was beginning to sound more and more like a future. But I knew I couldn’t and now I had to give Rocket my answer. But as I was about to open my mouth, he grabbed the baby from my lap and lifted him up to his eye level “But this one was different”

“You’re different” I blurted out. This loving, kind, nurturing side of him wasn’t new, he had many times spoken about Groot and how he had raised him like his own. But witnessing it first hand and drunk on nothing but tea and nostalgia, was making me fall for it. The love in his eyes and in his voice and in his touch, made me realise that maybe I had never fallen out of it in the first place. He lifted an eyebrow and put his cup down on the table, right next to mine.

“What?” he chuckled, and that’s when I saw him. I saw that mischievous grin and challenging gaze. I saw that one twitch on a certain point of his muzzle. And just like that, I knew I had lost a battle I hadn’t even signed up for, amidst a war I had surrendered long ago. I had fought my feelings for way too long, choosing to ignore them and finding ways to tell myself that it was better that way, that things had always been meant to be like that, that it was cosmic will or fate or anything else out of my reach. That it was anyone’s fault but mine. And at the same time, I often found myself lying awake in a state of haze wishing I had made him stay, knowing it wasn’t someone else’s fault.

“You’re different. You’re healing” tears started to pool in my eyes as a wave of realisation and relief slowly took over me. He was broken and torn and painfully tormented when we met, he was like a ticking time bomb, that could have blown up at any moment. And I worried for him, I worried every day that he was around and even more everyday that he wasn’t. Even through tears and a broken heart, I wished him peace and now, looking at him on my sofa holding a tiny little part of what he once was, I saw it. I saw peace. And I saw hope and love and joy, and so many other things he had never let me see before. My hands travelled up to the sides of his face and I brushed my thumb across his cheek “You’re softer, stay soft” I whispered, a tear now running hot down my cheek. As his hands went up to hold mine where they were, I looked him in the eyes. And in that deep dark brown, I found hope, too. And I found the love he had taken from me all those years ago, and accepted that he was willing to give it back if I only gave him the chance and the time. And just like that, I found myself wondering where I had put my suitcase “It looks so good you”

This is so long and I’m sorry, but I haven’t written in so long and gotg3 really put me in my feels. Hope you enjoy it! Also want to say thank you to all of the love you guys have been showing to my old stuff, it means the world to me x

Love,

Your local Rocket Raccoon fanfic dealer <3

#rocket x reader #fanfic #gotg fic #gotg vol 1 #gotg vol 3 #rocket raccoon #guardians of the galaxy #trashpandababy #baby raccoon

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