#back from the dead aka my computer going RIP

[yesbutmakeitgay]

Once Upon A Time I Used To Know A Girl

Chapter 6

Carol Danvers x Reader

Masterlist | This work's masterlist | AO3

Summary: Kamala uncovers the truth about your redacted mission, you meet up with an associate in hopes that she can answer your questions.

Angst, Slow Burn, Amnesia.

Word count: 1359

A/N: This is one of my favorite chapters in this fic, love me a little cameo.

Ripped Jeans, Messy Hair, AKA The Reason

"Jessica Jones," you say in a firm tone.

"But if it isn’t everyone’s favorite amnesiac." She recognizes your voice immediately. You ask to see her and she sends you the address to some lowlife bar in the city.

Kamala enters Fury’s office unannounced and takes a seat in front of him, "Come on in, why don’t you?" Fury says, sarcastically, she shows him her tablet with your redacted mission.

"What’s this?" Her voice comes out a little aggressive.

Fury stares at the tablet and then at her, "What does it look like? It’s a file you do not have access to."

"Give me access then!" She demands, righteously.

"You can’t just walk in and demand access, there is a reason you don’t have the necessary permits."

"Which is?" Fury tries to think of something but he blanks out.

"Well I don’t know off the top of my head, let’s see." He turns to his computer and types something out. "Huh, whatever the reason might be, it seems I also can’t access it."

Kamala looks at him skeptical, "Aren’t you, like, in charge of everything?"

"You would think so."

"No." Jessica says, her tone is stone cold.

"What do you mean 'no?' That’s what you do for a living."

She downs her third glass of whiskey, that you know of, "I’m not gonna follow an Avenger around."

"They’re an Avenger?" you say, incredulous.

"You really don’t remember her at all?" she responds, finding your behavior amusing.

"No! That’s the only reason I’m here, I’ve been making progress with everything else but I can’t remember anything about her and no one will say a word to me about it."

"Don’t tell me the story of your life. Have you stopped to wonder why your brain made that choice for you? Maybe there’s a good reason they’re keeping her from you and, for that same reason, I can’t help you."

"What are you, a scaredy cat?" you mock her.

"Say that one more time," she warns you.

You reach into your pocket and look her dead in the eye, "Scaredy cat!" You slap a bill on the table and make a run for it.

Fury stands up to search his filing cabinets, "Where is that damn thing?" he murmurs under his breath, Kamala gets up to see what the problem is, "You stay put," he instructs, without even having to look at her. He pulls out a folder and gets back on his seat. He opens it up in front of the awaiting girl and an amused smile forms on his face, he turns the folder over for her to see, "Redacted!"

"Do you not have the uncensored file?"

"Doesn’t look like it." Fury seems unbothered.

"How?" The girl asks, confused, he just shrugs it off.

"What’s so important about this mission?"

"It’s the first mission she went on that she can’t remember."

"Ah, so this is about your guinea pig."

"Don’t call her that, but yes, at least I’m trying to help."

Fury feels called out, "Fine, let’s take a closer look." He stares at the file for what feels like 30 minutes, "I can tell you two things. One, this was not a solo mission, and two, it was around the time Carol decided to join us." he stops for a moment, "Where is your protégé, anyway?"

You knew it was a losing race but at least you gave yourself a head start. It only takes Jessica a couple of blocks to reach you and pin you to the nearest wall with her arm on your chest.

"You’re out of shape," she points out before letting you go.

You pant heavily, "Tell me about it." You begin to walk in the same direction as her, catching your breath, "What do you know about nightmares?" Enough time goes by to make you think she didn’t hear you.

"The more you try to shove them down, the more they haunt you," she responds in a deadpan tone. You keep walking in silence contemplating her words. "Your ride's here," Jessica says, looking at a very expensive black car that stopped right next to you. The window rolls down to reveal one Nick Fury.

"What part of 'you can't leave the compound' did you not understand?" he says.

"Put an ankle monitor on me next time," you respond, annoyed.

"Don't make me get out of the car." You look back, but Jessica has already left your field of vision so you reluctantly get in.

Back at the compound Fury is loudly telling you off, Kamala finds you and wonders into the situation, "What's going on?" Her voice is tentative.

"Turns out I have less freedom than a 16 year old," you say, sarcastically.

"You met up with a private investigator!" he tries to expose you.

"She's a friend of mine," you snap back.

Kamala decides that whatever is going on should probably stop, "Come on," she tells you. You weigh your options and conclude that whatever she wants to do is better than listening to your boss yell at you.

You both go to your room and she locks the door once you get in, "You went out?"

"I went to a bar to meet up with a friend," you respond, still not believing that this is such a big deal.

"A bar? You're not supposed to drink with your meds." There's concern in her voice.

"I didn't, she drank for the both of us." Something clicks in Kamala’s mind.

"You met up with Jessica Jones?"

"Is she the only private eye in all of New York City?"

She ignores your question, "You said you didn't know her."

"I didn't, I found her number on my phone so I assumed I did, then I heard her voice and it all came back."

"Just like that?" she asks, doubtful, you hum in response. "Why did you call her?"

"I figured she could help me work out what it is you're not telling me," you see Kamala's features turn to panic for a second before she hides it, "don't worry, she said 'no,'" you clarify to ease her mind, much to your dismay.

Kamala goes to her room and calls Valkyrie.

"Why do you keep asking me these things?" The King’s hologram looks exhausted, "Don’t get me wrong it’s not that I don’t love getting a call from you twice a week, but it would be so much easier if you just talked to Carol." There isn’t any real anger in her words.

"I’ve tried, but it sends me to voicemail every time, I’m not even sure her phone is turned on!" Kamala comes off a little whiny.

Valkyrie gives up on that idea, "Yes, that’s around the time Carol and I met."

"So Fury’s right, Carol was in the redacted mission."

"I guess," Valkyrie replies, unable to really follow the situation.

"You’re back early," Fury says, seeing Carol walk into his office, "all good?"

"Yeah, it was great, actually," Carol responds cheerfully.

"Your partner give you any trouble? She’s not fond of working with The Avengers."

"Not at all, I think we make a pretty good team."

"Really?" There is genuine surprise in his voice, "I’m glad to hear it,  you got your report?"

"About that," she says hesitatingly, handing a folder over to him, "I was hoping I could ask you a favor?" Fury looks at her, skeptical, "I wanted to ask you to keep the file private, for now." He gives her a look, urging her to explain herself, "It’s just, this is my first mission and I wouldn’t want any, um, wondering eyes," Fury tries to pretend that what she just said made any kind of sense, "please?" It comes with a bright, pleading smile.

"Fine, you can have one month, then the file is public."

"Thank you," she beams. She would never admit to anyone that she wanted to keep the file private so as to not out her crush on her mission partner.

A month comes and goes and they both forget about the situation, at some point the original file gets lost and all that’s left is the redacted version.

Chapter 7

Tell me all your thoughts!

Tags: @graniairish @carols-photonblast @thelittleliars @prplepeony

Let me know if you wanna be tagged :)

[hula-zombie]

ɪ sᴡᴇᴀʀ ɪ ᴄᴀɴ ʙᴇ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ɪ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʟɪɴᴇ ᴍʏ ᴘᴀᴛʜ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ  🎧

[wqxianwriting]

you & your crush. pt 2..

not proofread | gn!reader & crush (your bsf/friend is gn! too)

#%a/n%#;; OKAY FINALLY, took abt a month but its out LOL, pt 2 isnt really like a sequel to pt 1 its like pt 2 of me writing about the crush. again !! might not fit you and your crush bc its based of on mine but i hope its enjoyable. also sorry for the awkward spacing i wrote this on phone,, will edit when my computer isnt dead aka the keys will work again 😁😁💔

your bed creaks from the shifting of movement, your feet tapping the floor as you continue to bounce while staring at the wall. you’re bored. eyes traveling over the very familiar room a sigh leaves your mouth as you grab your phone and exit the room, hungry and boredom isn’t a great mix. your phone vibrates as you bounce to the kitchen, unlocking the device and clicking on the discord notification your friend asked what you’re doing.

mocha today at 3:46 PM

wyd?

y/n today at 3:47 PM

i’m making food. it’s a boring ass day, wyd? 😁

mocha today at 3:47 PM

oh, L imagine being bored.

wanna meet up? when you finish eating

you hum, swiftly opening the fridge to ponder, index finger tapping the top of the door in a random beat. do you wanna go outside? your eyes dancing to cover every food in the fridge — having all the food you’d enjoy but not knowing what sounds pleasing, tongue running over your bottom lip. maybe. your eyes go back to your phone finally thinking of a response,

y/n today at 3:49 PM

depends,, where we going? i kinda wanna go to the movies. is anything good playing?

awaiting for a reply you lock your phone and slide it in your pocket, hands going back to the fridge and grabbing some things. a cold water bottle, a case of fruit, and ingredients for a sandwich. your mind randomly starts thinking of your crush, you would invite them but knowing them and their weird behavior towards you they’d asked when but say no in the end. you sigh, opening a drawer with the silverware and take out a butter knife.

“i do wanna talk to them today at least… Hmm.” A slice in bread on one hand and the butter knife with the essence of your choice, you slide it over the bread. your nose getting a whiff of the bread makes your tummy rumble, you consider making a second one but decide against it. for some reason when you make two you end up getting full and not finishing the second one but when you make one you’d make another and be able to finish it like it was nothing. the human body makes no sense. are you human?

a snort exhales out of your body, shaking your head slightly before finishing the final touches of the yummy sandwich and putting the things away. you reach for a paper towel, ripping it and wiping the knife down before getting another and setting the knife on the clean one. trashing the used you exit the kitchen with your food and sit on the couch, placing the meal on the coffee table then grabbing the remote. your legs widen a bit on reflex, removing your phone from your pant pocket and unlocking it once more.

your friend had messaged you about 3 times but you ignored it for now, opening up messages and clicking on your crush’s contact. a small smile takes over your previous expression, typing in what you wanna say.

‘hey shawty bae 😍 i hope the world is treating you right on this boring day. how is my kitten?’

a quick laugh escapes your lips, shoulders shaking and a smirk taking over the smile. you’ve said dumb shit like this before to tease them but it never fails to make you laugh. you close the message window and open discord again, finally responding to your poor friend.

mocha today at 3:52 PM

i mean, i don’t know. i tried looking.

you got anything in mind?

actually why are you asking me? you figure out the movie, you want to go.

well, they got you there. but damn. rude.

y/n today at 4:01 PM

ok, bitch also sorry for late reply you know food is important than friends <3

mocha today at 4:01 PM

wow

y/n today at 4:02 PM

anywyas, 😁

we can just go to the theater and find something im too lazy to look at the internet aha. bad choice but you know 🥰🥰

mocha today at 4:02 PM

very bad choice but sure, what time you finishing?

y/n today at 4:02 PM

give me like 20-30 mins, am i picking you up or we meeting at the plaza? park?

mocha today at 4:03 PM

ok and we can meet at the park

y/n today at 4:03 PM

omg when they dont complain and finally come to the park… IT'S ABOUT DRIVE ⁉️ IT'S ABOUT POWER 🥶 WE STAY HUNGRY 👹🍗 WE DEVOUR 😈🗣💯‼ PUT IN THE WORK 😯💨🦾 PUT IN THE HOURS 😈🦾⌚ AND TAKE WHAT'S OURS 😫‼

mocha today at 4:03 PM

nvm, blocked. ignored. don’t text me again.

y/n today at 4:04 PM

LMAOOOOOOOO LOVE YOU TOO 😁😁

you lowly chuckle, closing discord and realizing you had a message. you click the notification and smile seeing your crush respond.

‘what?’ makes you laugh.

‘just answer the question shawty bae…’ you respond.

they text back quickly which surprises you but doesn’t, usually the two of you have a back and forth thing where if one responses 5 minutes later the other responses 5 minutes later, etc. your cheeks felt warm.

‘stop calling me that’

typing bubbles…

‘and i’m good, it is a boring day currently in a vc. hbu?’

‘im pretty good, planning to hang out with [bsf/friend name]. how’s the vc?’

‘it’s alright, they’re being weird’

‘also what are y’all going to do?’

your heart lowkey skipped a beat. the urge to invite them was banging in your head but you rolled your eyes at the thought. whatever.

‘movies, wanna come? 🥺’ you both used the emoji to tease eachother — sharing a love/hate relationship with the emoji and eachother. you’d only use that emoji with your other friends when they show like their pets or you’re asking them for something so it fit.

‘maybe. when?’ ah. yup.

‘like in, 20-30 mins’

they stopped responding for a bit, a minute turned into three but eventually sent a message.

‘what movie theater and what movie?’

asking so many questions, you sighed, wishing they’d say yes already. you wonder if they were doing this on purpose or seriously considering their options. either way it was ticking you off. you started munching on your food, sandwich tasting immaculate and the fruits going down with a nice taste. the tv was long forgotten too emerged in the texting and food.

‘closest theater goofy and we’re just gonna go there and look at what movies are there.’

you let out a sigh of relief, flopping the phone away from you and standing up to throw away the trash. putting the fruits back in the fridge and opening the cap of your water with a pop, the cold beverage going through your body makes you feel chills but you shake it off and go to your room to get your coat and your bag. making sure you have everything you need to slide the bag on your shoulder after putting on the coat and walk back to the living room.

your battery read 83% and you walked out of the house, locking it behind you and walking to the park. you went onto discord to tell your friend you were gonna be there soon, an alright sent back and opened your crush’s contact again.

‘sure’

a person of small words, make you angry but happy that they’d be coming along. took them long enough to reply a simple YES but you’re smitten so you let it slide. for now.

‘OK I’M GOING TO THE PARK RN.’

‘i think [bsf/friend name] is coming rn too’

the noise of your phone ringing surprises yo, waiting a few seconds then answering the phone. “hello?”

“yo wassup. you both are going right now?” the voice made you do a goofy ass motherfucking grin. simp.

“i just left the house, [bsf/friend name] just said alright. oh wait.” you notice another discord message saying they’re leaving in 5 minutes. “they’re coming in five. what’s up?”

“uhhh, nothing. i’m bringing [crush’s bsf name] too by the way. sorry for the inconvenience.” the last sentence was a mocking tone, you could tell they had a smirk on their face by hearing the small ‘ha’ come from the other line.

“yeah?” you say in a breathless tone. “we don’t allow plus ones, i can only be a sugar daddy/mommy/parent to two right now.” you sigh dramatically.

“aww boo~ i’ll send you cat picture,” their voice shifts to a higher one, “if you let this go, just this once. i’ll pay for him.” your eyes roll so hard and the way you coughed out a laugh, anyone would think you’re being dramatic.

“whatever. are you staying on the line or what?”

“are you trying to ditch me?” they feigned hurt.

“yeah.” you mutter jokingly, “i mean no. of course not shawty bae, i loves you till the ends of the earfs.” then you started to hum ‘my boo’ by usher (& alicia keys).

“shut up.” they breathed out a laugh, you heard some shuffling on the other line before they spoke up again. “guess what?”

you reached the park, sighing, “what?”

“chicken butt.” then the line disconnects. you let out a heavier sigh the disappointment taking over your body. what the fuck is wrong with them?

[glassartpeasants]

I'm not sure of your rules, but after seeing you want some villian requests. I'm happy to oblige. A senario where Shiragakis s/o starts her diabolical plan to tease him (maybe sitting on his lap and grinding on him), feed him all her attention, plenty of kisses and then she rises and runs out saying "catch me if you can!" A big game of catch and mouse that ends in full adrenaline infused smut scene.😏 What do you think?😁

You have been answered. Seriously though, after i posted that i wanted villain request 3 people asked me, like a the same time, not even 5 minutes after i posted it. But im not complaining. u_u

~~~

Title: Catch Me if You Can

Shigaraki x Reader

Warnings: Teasing, wall sex, sending rat boi nudes

~~~

Your boyfriend sat on his chair staring at the computer screen as he talked to his online friends. You grunt in disapproval as you pouted wanting his attention. You laid on the bed before a light bulb flickered in your head and a devious smile made its way across your face. 

Why not tease him?

You stand up as you go over to Shigaraki, hovering over him from behind his chair. Your hands snake their way to his shoulders. You could feel his whole body tense at your sudden touch before relaxing as you rubbed his shoulders, giving him a little massage.

Your fingers slide up his neck as your hands rubbed his scalp in slow, delicate circles, making your boyfriend silently purr in approval. You lean down over his chair to move a part of his headset. He growled at you before stopping as you sent his praises through his ear.

“You know..your such a great villain Shiggy, one of the best i say.” Your words felt like music to his ears as the thoughts of him being the number one villain with you by his side made his pants feel tight. He grabbed his water that you had given him a took a sip to ignore the ache in his pants.

“And what’s a better way to celebrate being the number one villain then fucking your girlfriend raw?” Shigaraki spit out his water and got it all over the computer screen. His face red as he replayed the dirty words that just came out of your mouth.

He turned around to look at you, trying not to show how flustered you made him by hiding it with an angry look. But when he turned around you were gone.

“Fuck...” He looked down at his water soaked pants seeing the outline of his hard cock outlining his pants.

Just say goodbye to your pillow.

~~~

You sat on the dusty old couch in the bar as you stared at your phone. A sly smirk made it’s way across your face as you see your boyfriend siting at the bar drinking.

The others were across the room, Twice and Toga playing the knife game as Spinner sang the song, while Dabi, Mr. Compress and Magne stared in disapproval.

You look at your phone once more as you open the messaging app and open Shigaraki’s contact. You then send him very revealing pictures aka nudes as the pictures only showed you in a very tight school uniform, black lace lingerie, at one pic of just your breasts in general. 

You look at Shigaraki while hitting the send button. A light ding come from Shigaraki’s back pocket. He grabbed it with four fingers, turning on the phone and going to the message app only to see explicit pictures of you on the screen. 

You could see him shiver then move around in his seat. You snicker to yourself before you walk up behind him and blew wind at his ear. He snapped his neck at you, his neck and ears tainted a slight pink as his eyes behind father wide with disbelief. Your hands traveling downwards before grouping his crotch giving him a firm squeeze, making him low growl.

You started you rub him harshly through his pants under the bar counter, while causally talking to Shigaraki as if nothing is going on. You look at Shiggy once more, seeing him grip his glass tightly, trying not to show any signs of whats going on. If you listen close enough you could hear panting coming from him, but the noise was drowned out by the music in the bar.

You take your hand off his crotch, satisfied leaving Shigaraki all hot and bothered. You smirk at him seeing his cock twitch in his pants begging to be released.

~~~

Shigaraki sat on his gaming chair once again playing with his friends. Your eyes raked his body, thinking of what else you could do to finally get his attention instead of him playing hard to get. You quickly sat up and walked over to Shigaraki before plopping on his lap, making him let out a small breath.

HE grumbled underneath his breath but made no attempt to remove you, which only led to your next step of your plan.

You slowly begun to move your hips against his, grinding on his crotch. You grabbed his face and peppered him in kisses. No place was safe from your lips. 

Your kissing and grinding on his lap caused Shigaraki to grind against you as well. His cock growing by the second. Your hands found their way up his shirt as you begun to tweak at his nipples causing him to let out a gasp. You took this to your advantage and shoved your tongue down his throat, making Shiggy’s eyes blow open.

All the attention he was getting from you was distracting to say the least, you had been doing this all week, but why? Surely you would continue after this right? After a week of you teasing him he would be able to finally fuck you.

Just as his hand begun to grope your ass you shot up from off his lap and walked behind him once more. Leaning down whispering in his ear,

“Catch me if you can Shiggy.” You say before running out of your guys shared room in a hurry, hearing a thud coming from the room.

The once silent halls were filled with sounds of footsteps chasing on another. Your giggles echoed off the halls as you saw Shiggy try to grab you carefully. 

Your breathing became ragged as you started to slow down from lack of air. Before you could process a second thought a hand grabbed you and dragged you into a shoe closet, effectively making you yelp.

Shigaraki pulled you into the shoe closet, closing the door before shoving you into the wall. Slamming his lips into yours as he put your legs around his waist.

“Fucking bitch. You think you can get away from teasing me like that without getting punished?” He growled as his hips bucked into yours, causing small bits of frictions against your clit. Your hands slithered their way into his hair as you tugged on the blue locks making his hips grind faster against yours.

His hands made way to cup your breasts roughly causing you to yelp out at the aggressive attack. All five fingers made their way onto your shirt and bra as the fabric slowly turned to ash underneath you. His lips hooking onto one nipple as the other one was being pinched and pulled by his hands.

Your arms wrapped around his shoulders as your nails raked on his clothed back, ripping the shirt. You let out pants of desire which were music to Shigaraki’s ears. His hips thrusting more roughly against you, growling remembering that there are clothes in his way from letting him be inside you.

His left hand decayed your pants before pushing you to face the wall. Your exposed chest getting pushed up against it. Your body shivered at the cold feeling of the wall before the sound of a zipper rang through your ears.

“Revenge time.” Shigaraki snickered before you let out a scream at the sudden intrusion of his dick entering your cunt. His hands snaked around your waist as his hips snapped against your ass.

“S-slow down!” You whimpered as Shigaraki showed no mercy to your gummy insides. His cock pounding against your cervix made you dig your nails into the wall leaving behind scratch marks. His panting right next to your ear made you turn around to look at him before a sly smile made it’s way to your face again. There before your eyes was every Shigaraki fans dream,

The shiggy ahegao face.

His tongue hanging out of his mouth as drool run from the corners of his mouth, beads of sweat rolling down his face as his eyes were in the back of his head. His face pink as his moaning could wake up the dead.

Your head flipped back laying your head against his shoulder, giving shigaraki the time to latch on to your neck, wasting no time covering your neck up in hickeys and teeth marks. Making his claim on you.

Shigaraki raked two fingers down your stomach before reaching your clit. HE spent no time rubbing it in harsh circles, no listening to your cries of over-stimulation.

The string in your belly snapped as a wave of euphoria crashed over you, leaving you pretty much lifeless as Shigaraki did a few more thrust before coming in your cunt. Leaving you both gasping for air.

The adrenaline finally wearing off as Shigaraki let you go, making you fall to your knees.

“Thanks for rearranging my insides.” You said as your feet felt like jelly. You try standing up only to come crashing down again.

“No problem now come on. I ain’t done with you yet.”

[tobebugjewce]

THE WALTEN FILES: my jumbled notes on my blind run-in with this web series

first off this is gonna be long and unorganized, also this is my second time writing this as i had lost literally half of my progress and im This (imagine two fingers almost touching with a 0.0000000001mm distance between them) close to ripping all of the fucking hair out of my goddamn head. but now this will be extra long and yes, i will lose some accuracy to my first writing but thats okay ill probably edit this a kajillion times over

which brings me to my next tangent; im literally braindumping here. so to have a smidge of organization all afterthoughts, edits and corrections will be boldened, i forgot what im gonna do with italicized text but ill probably bolden it here yeah im pretty sure its for side tangents, separate from Corrections, which are in bold. also theyre for emphasis too.

so in general, this post right here is all of my notes i wrote down on my grid-patterned sticky notes (which i used WAYYYY too much of) about the first 3 uploaded walten files youtube videos transferred onto my handy dandy digital notebook, this b(l)og. yeppers peppers. you know im serious about this shit when i typed probably over like a thousand fucking words including boldened shit, italicized shit and motherfucking links, lost it ALL, and im sitting here re-typing it again.

i feel bad about this but im not gonna trigger warn right here, but this is technically a warning. if you want a list of triggers as to what this post (and the walten files in general) i will link a little list to that here

without further a doo doo, (mama mia) here the fucking fuck we go again.

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #1

clarifying this now, im gonna put some useless shit which i thought was code onto this because even though it was useless it was part of my notes and im physically going to combust if i dont put down every single thing i wrote on my papers. so what i thought was code was in the closed captions, i started writing it down when i got to the second video but came back to my first videos notes to include them. i wrote down the first letter to every word that was capitalized in the closed captions, which i had on as a default because number one i knew going into this id need them because most web horror things like args and cryptic shit like that has some of the most crucial shits in the closed captions. number two i am autistic and have auditory processing issues and have most closed captioning on as a default if theyre available.

firstly jotted, i wrote down the closed captions “code” so im gonna put the rest here too: HYWITB(BSI)Y A(BSI)BJWFKWITW ILHHFSBBSBTLBWI USOISTBNBSFIRBCAWHSHCBWHTAIGRNB*C*BTWLTSFA(20)MCFP ILITIIACPH(1978, 1979)SA(4)YTSCH*C*OGSSU SFTGRPATDBBUTFBNLLCHMIHLBRALLCLAYTUKB*LC*WHATWASTHATTHING 

the numbers in parenthesis are there because i wasnt sure they should be included in the “code” or not. i also thought of this with the BSI - bunny smiles incorporated and also the years 1978 and 1979. the shits in asterisks are coughs and light coughs, which were capitalized in the closed captions so i included them too just in case

i then jotted, in parenthesis of course, the names of the animatronics when they were listed in the animation section of the video; bon aka the blue bunny, sha aka the sheep one, boozoo aka the clown<3 honk<33, and banny aka the purpled eyelashed up one who is also a bunny btw. also i got boozoo the clown and boozoo the mustache guy confused because apparently the clowns name is billy???? but they named “boozoo” in bons sleepover and showed the clown? idk maybe im an idiot and theyre the same or just an idiot and theyre different or a super mega (matt and ryan?!?!??) idiot in general which is probably the case

i started drawing little stars to write down things i thought would be super important or to 100% look at again. the first subject of this pointy torture was the part of the video where at 3:00, i marked it down to make sure to reverse the audio as it was most definitely a weird audio that has that signature warp-y effect that makes sure you KNOW its in reverse. i then listened back to it Very carefully (still got it wrong) and got this: “you finally start to remember. that old doll. they will look out for you soon” im also pretty sure i heard “sophie” at the end of that audio but im not entirely sure and dont remember and i dont wanna go back to check lmfao but anyways it didnt matter because i was wrong anyway. after i had finished all 3 walten files i watched the film theory video on the walten files (which didnt cover all 3 but was dece.) out of curiosity and to hear matpats signature silly little voice explain some stuff i already knew, and click some shit in my brain that i couldve thought up of if i was a bit more... i dont know honestly. anyways yeah so the actual audio is “you finally start to remember. that old day. they will look out for you soon.” so yeah. day, not doll.

i then wrote down “sarah evelyn”, the name on the bons sleepover animation (i dont remember if she created it or animated it or whatnot) and scribbled will she matter? under her name. turns out no, as i didnt see her name in the rest of the series, let alone the first video. this is also a great time to mention how matpat theory helped me realize that the walten files are collections of videos, uploaded onto youtube by anthony. (i already knew about anthony as he signed his name in the descriptions of the youtube videos, making me categorize this overall web series more into an arg type genre.) but yes, the tapes, recorded “irl” footage, animated clips, vhs tape recordings and other audio-visual content is all collected and labeled the walten files, as i had mistaken each video to be a tape. stupid me. alrighty, onward!

i starred this one, good for me; MISSING: Jack Walten LAST SEEN: 06/11/1974

i jotted down with an arrow that; sophie was a nightguard? she was wearing the uniform explained in tape 2 i dont know why but i went back into my video 1 notes after i had watched video 2. organization purposes. i guess.?? 

i then paused the video when the screen flickered a date, the beginning of video footage dated 10/10/1982 (Brian Stells?) god my little genius ass assuming the videographer was brian stells, based on the id card i saw earlier.

i then wrote down what text i saw on the dead, mangled, bloody body in the purple security suit; “i cant feel anything” “he thought i was her” then drew a little arrow pointing to; thought brian was sophie? or ashley? i also starred the name Brian Stells this is totally out of order LMFAOOOOOOOO also i wrote down ashley because, again, my little pea brain went back on my video 1 notes after watching video 2. but yep thats all i wrote for The Walten Files 1 - Company Introductory Tape

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #2 

Tape #1 - created 07/02/1978

awesome how thats first and foremost in the captions. god. so sexy of you martin walls. /j /nsx

this pack of notes is chunkier because again, like i have mentioned before i am an absolute goober and thought the capitalized letters of the words would actually mean something. I MEAN MAYBE THEY DO AND IM JUST DOING IT WRONG but i stopped doing it after this video because holy shit it was exhausting and my stupid little fingers couldnt take the writing anymore becasue i am WEAK. 

so write off the bat (squeak) i wrote down 197[] the blacked out rectangle over the last digit of that year and everything im also now assuming its probably 1978 or 1974 because lore reasons but whos to say but yeah i also wrote down this;

Tape #2 - created 08/13/1978

then, straight up in the beginning of the video i caught it, the flash of text, as i had by now realized i gotta be SUPER stupid focused on the screen in case i miss anything, i wanted to be crazy precise on my theorizing and mental notes, among other things. but yes i saw it, the first half of a youtube link;  “https://youtu” 

claps hands together and rubs them evilly. oh yeah baby. thats the hot lunch. this shit right here? the cats pajamas. lets fucking go.

i wrote down this goofy shit i pasued to inspect when i saw bon sorting through a file cabinet and naturally scribbled down the labels and other written things i could see on the files; 

relocate X/X/75 felix

storage K-9 07/23/1975 felix k(ranken)

Bons Burgers 06/28/1974 Jack Walten

Shipping Service 1975

New Location -> 1982

i also wrote down more goofy shit, like when banny was created for some reason; in 1974

starred, i noted to go back and reverse the audio at 5:09, when played back, i didnt write it down so i dont remember. lmao.

i also marked to screenshot and brighten the darkened image i saw at 5:20, i was going to do it on my phone then realized i can just do it on my computer so i quickly took a screenshot, brightened it and wrote down what i saw; a missing person poster that read MISSING: SUSAN WOODINGS(?) Last seen: 1974 i was very unsure of the spelling of her last name because the image was so goddamn low quality and grainy but its what i saw. this is where tape #3 gets thrown in, which im gonna type again because i like how the formatting looks;

Tape #3 - created 07/09/1978 (BEFORE tape 2?!//1/1??? its more likely than you think)

i wrote down more dates, any dates i saw, i jotted down. i wrote; 

Technical Support 1978 

then, 

Brian Stells (for some reason i dont remember right now)

alrighty this is where the stupid capitalized letters come in, but before it looks like i vomit a keysmash time infinity on this, ill put down the little inbetween things i wrote in the midst of the caps lockalypse like timestamps and stuff, so here you go;

- Reverse at 8:16 which i did but of course didnt write down what i heard. i think it was too warbled to hear anything clear out of it, or it was just the good ol auditory processing issues fucking me over yet again. WAIT yep yes i did here it is: “rosemary would go to the restaurant every night hoping that [her] beloved husband would reappear after being missing for weeks but no response until one day [s]he heard a voice [saying] ‘i know where he is rosie’ coming from the back stage” the bracketed stuff is the corrections, i misheard the audio and thought the audio said “his”, “he” and “singing” like a nimrod

- Brighten at 10:14 which was another missing person poster, but i dont think it had any information on it because i didnt write it down, just;

- Sophie again (pic at 9:08?) (dismemberd and put in Sha) i was stupid and wrong haha idiot it was rosemary who was put in sha but anywho

i starred and underlined a huge thing i discovered which was;

- Walten had 3 kids which i dont remember how i found out but it doesnt matter, its good important info i uncovered.

- Tape #4 - Unkown Date

- recorded 07/12-07/14 1978 

- Hilary B, Ashley P & Kevin W i made sure to get these names down as soon as i saw them on screen but then realized shortly after i wouldnt really need to have it as the closed captions made sure i knew which person was talking by using their first initial (capitalized of course) before each line of text. this is the perfect time to announce the arrival of the clusterfuck of capital letters, which is going to include colons which will indicate that the letter before it is the initial of the person talking. without further aedue, here comes another chinese earthquake;

TCWTSTATO(K-9)TBSSFWFCNEHAWBSUBIUC(BSIIDC)OWHISF INBIJTILNSPL(K-9)LCSCKCCCWTTLTLITTTYROTFAJAMHPYYSTCSPMBBWSBIB H:NTPPCCK:DA:HH:YCPRPMWTCBCRAWK:JH:SYYTCPBACPSTBAWCA:TK(?):FMTTCMK:TCPNOA:DTOFK:ITNPPRA:YBUTIRRFH:HKIBESRAIA:TCK:WA:WPCCFTRRIDPEH:GGK:GPA:LKK:WA:HNCGTKMK:YH:IGKA:ESK:MFH:RK:HILRLBNTRPPUWHITRRTPEIFEPH:YWBEBPK:MAHPBTRPTRPEL(LN)HTACPKLIKHPFITSKLTKLB(LB?)ISIBSUBIPRW AEBATHSPUAICTPURTWBBRPHTRTIIIILTCITCUCCP S(bpe, be)WA”IDCPBPSIB

holy shit its finally over okay now onto some MORE of what i wrote down in between and also after that keysmash attack;

12 doors? (backrooms) 27? 26? i was unsure because ashley was unsure too lmfao

found cassette (6/11/78) <- says “discard”? yeah it did

Tape in clown audio, speaking voice; jack, susan, charles(?), rosemary, sophie, last word sounds like “walrus” it was walten lmfao

Ashley died? yeah she did lmfao OR AT LEAST I THINK SO??

starred this one, Reverse @ 17:06, then got this;

“they left the next day, they thought ashley left early, but she was in the backdoors, screaming as much as she could, but no one heard the screams, the following days the caretakers would complain about an awful smell coming from the backdoors, company decided to shut down facility until new advice, the relocate project was unsuccessful. ashley is still there, but she is not screaming anymore, she saw something she wasnt supposed to see and now shes beautiful” the phrase “shes beautiful” was repeating like a bajillion times in that wall of text. then, god motherfuckng bless: 

at 17:23 i found the other half of the youtube link, “.be/k07QqEDOfQ” i pieced that bad boy together as instant as i think any form of ramen could never be, but remained ever patient. because i made sure to jot down this before moving onto my next segment;

@ end of vid 2, “shadow man sees* me when lights go off” im an idiot *it was actually “feeds” not “sees”, which AGAIN, i only found out after watching the stupid little film theory video *begins snarling and foaming at the mouth*

okay im not proud to admit im editing this to post it and realized ive lost my notes. well. 

might as well post what ive got! if i find my shit ill add onto this, i suppose.

[sword-of-summer]

All of them answer every question fuck you

ahahaha no i respectfully deny your "fuck you" and i accept the ask and so-

i am 5'10", and i don't wish to be taller or shorter- i am the perfect height for hugs and messy hair, and yep, i like it here-

dream pet would be a mix of golden retriver and a husky called Holly and a chonky cat called Loki- yes ofcourse my future kids have names everyone should name their future pets-

ripped jeans/black pants with a Darth Vader tshirt or a Ethnic Fusion Kurta with black sneakers/artificial leather slip-ons, and if it's cold, a black jacket open obviously- and a black wristwatch i love my black wristwatch.

favourite video game was Clash of Clans and going even back, GTA Vice City and, the og- MARIIOOOO

three things/people are Oreos, Nutella and Pizza. The Holy Trinity-

"Beware me my fingers are smeared with chicken popcorn grease"

you didn't mention an opinion, @chunkybirb, so imma give my opinion on Vanilla ice cream and Nutella- ANYONE WHO HADN'T COMBINED THESE TWO COMBINE THESE TWO THEY ARE FUCKING AWESOME

im either phlegmatic or melancholic bruh idk maybe ik or maybe not

im v v v v ticklish

not an allergy, but an intense hatred for ketchup- i vomit if it gets too close to me fuck you ketchup

im heterosexual

any between tea and coffee but full milk coffee (ik, kill me), never had cocoa- but i love a chocolate or nutella milkshake

both. both is good. (cat and dog)

i would be an elf cause hell yeah, knowledge and wisdom

favourite youtuber is Samay Raina, a stand up comedian turned youtuber who is just awesome-

as i mentioned in 1., i am 5'10"

i would not change my name cause it's the coolest fucking name ever, i am Tanay, and Tanay in Hindi means Son, and my parents literally named their son Son, and hell yeah i like it

i forgot how much i weigh- last i checked it was 75 kilos, but ive gained weight since 2019 so yep, gotta walk in the mornings

yes i believe in metaphysicality cause one- it seems cool- second- me and @theclassyghost discussed a metaphysical life theory that i really really like and metaphysicality gives preservation of knowledge so i believe in spirits

SPACE. SPACE. SPACE.

im not that religious, no

pet peeves no well nah not really

nocturnal def nocturnal i sleep at 4.50 anyway hehehehe

fav constellation is Cassiopeia

fav star is Sirius tho

what the fuck are ball jointed dolls

i do have a fear of losing people that's just anxiety i guess

yep, global warming is real

never thought that much about reincarnation tbh but maybe, i do

fav movie is Spider Man : Into The SpiderVerse and Inception and The Dark Knight Rises and Revenge of The Sith and yes, for my indian gang, 3 Idiots and Gully Boy

yep i get scared v v v easily

i have had no pets but i plan to once i grow up

@chunkybirb 's blog is fucking cool awesome and *chef's kiss* a masterpiece

blue calms me. i love blue.

live in Norway cause pretty lights, snow, and less people than this overpopulated country i am in

born in Mumbai, India

v v v dark brown like it's almost black but no it's dark brown

introvert

horoscopes and zodiacs, i do read them, never believed that much tbh-

HUGS I LOVE HUGS

i really wanna visit my brother i haven't met him in a long time i really wanna play cricket w him just like old times

my sister- she's annoying but well i care for her

nah

tattoos idk bruh im okay idk may get one or may not get one

nope, smoking is ewwww *vomits*

ah my crush- she's cool [ if she exists

when the chalk doesn't write on the board but goes iiiiiieeee I HATE THAT

a sound i love is rain pitter pattering i just hhhhhh sends me into happiness

nope fatass here

nope fatass here

favourite actors have to be eddie redmayne, oscar issac and pedro pascal- and margot robbie and winona ryder in the actresses section also yes, elliot page

bruh already answered in 30.

im okayish!! spotify and tumblr, cool combo-

my hair are okay being black for me

yesterday, monday, from 6.40 to 6.50

music

uhhh naah not that i know of

well in Rick Riordan's Magnus Chase books, the sword of Frey aka Sumarbrander TALKS and demands to be called Jack, so here i am

bakwaas, music and comfy

yep, i believe in evolution

unfollow on hate and when they dm me sending nsfw pics ugh why are people like that

follow, well, i like people and they seem cool, so i follow them

fav kind of person is the one who'll sit with me for hours not even talking and just vibing to music

fav animals are beavers, doggos and cats

three fav blogs are @chunkybirb, @theclassyghost, @little-boats-on-a-lake, @aredhel-of-gondolin, @sue-me-imbadass, @alleenkaas, @my-ackerman, @brrrrrrrrrrzone

fav emoticon has to be ☹ this me seeing my stupidity outrank others

fav meme has to be Butternut is a master of psychological manipulation

INTP

Libraaa let's go

no dog, i have

black darth vader tshirt, black pants, black sneakers and black wrist watch

i have no selfies my phone has no cameras i live in eternal darkness

what the fuck are platform shoes

i, uhhh, i remember weird things like what i drew in class in 3rd while i was supposed to be doing english

lazy ass here, no front flips possible

i like birds they fly

nope i don't Iike swimming i like blankets

wrapped up in blankets reading books sounds better than both

ketchup

hyperspace travel

nope none

reading writing eating sleeping

my friend

tumblr seems cool

i have around 60-70 idk

yes i can run but why

yes they do but what's the fun in that

nope I'd fall over

sapphire let's go

koala bear or panda

sunflower or the one on a lemon tree

ketchup store

one cup of coffee is enough, tysm

read minds that sounds cool cool yeaaahh

nope never wore it a black clothes guy here BatMan

winter winter all year long

i don't know and i don't wanna try

i don't know and i don't wanna know

everyone cause they are better than me

bookstores cause bookstores any bookstores

sneakers, black onez

apparently some gas bitches mixed up to form a planet

non vegetarian but i partake meat just twice or thrice in two weeks

i don't know they don't seem like liking

naaaaaaaah

bugs ew

spiders ew

about the fact that i come off as arrogant and overconfident while in reality it's just that my communication skills suck

i can draw averagely whenever im in a mood

this thing im answering but i like answering it

uhhhhhhh brain freeze- idk bruh questions are good they give knowledge

yep, while sleeping

ahh yes calming, they are

cloudy days cause fucking cool vibes

hehehe wouldn't you like to know, weatherboy

CumuloNimbus i really like it's name yknow nimBUS

dark blue, dark blue always or black

naaaah no freckles

fav thing is when they laugh and it's just happy and we're both laughing like shitheads but who cares we're rebelling against depressing life and we laugh

both. both is good [ fruits and vegetables

sleep but i have to answer 170 questions cause @chunkybirb

sky sky sky it's my blog's header duh uh sKy

sweet and sour candy. SWEET AND SOUR CANDY.

dim lights it makes me feel cool

ahhh so here we go- Mooncalfs, Thunderbirds, Phoenixes, Sphinxes, Dragons that seem to be Space Nebulae, and more and more and more

i really feel like a boomer sometimes

i love everything about this site/app it makes me feel happy cause i like the people and the posts

uhhhhh i think too much about everything cause i just do. i like thinking

"He's dead, guys. For the sake of The Force, please watch Star Wars now he wanted to discuss it with you" actually no i would just say "A big shoutout to Garlic Bread he loved Garlic Bread"

myself cause i should be sleeping but sleep is for the weak and i am the weak and the strong i am a paradox-

that i obsess too much on things and try involving people it never works out

nope. had braces for 4 years, that beat out teeth showing smiles

i prefer computer-tv ahahahahaha

never tried them, so IDK

naaaaah not motion sickness- never travelled by sea so idk seasickness

lobed ears

yep i believe that deeds do count in life and beyond

idk bruh i don't believe in physical attraction too much- bodies are fake- mentally/metaphysically tho, im a 7

ahhhhh many many Stupid Genius, Tani, Tanu, Tanya

i still do-

i really want to talk to a therapist. converse. and discover.

im both, i am both.

10:1 is the ratio- giving 10, receiving 1

uhhh nothing just when i am right and people use the old "disrespect" argument

3, Hindi, Marathi, English

girls

uhh no i am not

my hair i love them everyone says things about my hair but i love them

knowledge vibes i give, someone tells me- and that's all i ever wanted

anyone i know tbh, my mutuals, my friends, my discord friends

ahhh no i wouldn't but i wish i was born 20 years earlier

bleh bloo, neither like nor dislike

i don't know if i have one

i don't know, haven't had physical contact in a long long long time in a galaxy far far away

the above point stands but i would like to ig

anything i write, 3 hours later, i instantly hate just idk why

anything i write

that i am normal no i am not and i am not okay hahahahaha

65-70 ish people

somewhere around-

many many many don't ask please but okay if you do ask

somewhat

uhhhhh idr exactly but i won't tell in public duh uh

mediummm hairrrr

last year lockdown i became harry potter

i don't know buddy i seriously don't know

yep i do cause knowledge i like knowledge

naaah never tried

no i definitely cannot stand on my hands or my head for more than 30 seconds

yep, im pretty sure i answered most of them correctly-

og link-

[eyemarked]

theory: the tapes are agnes montague

i think the ghost of agnes montague is bound to the tapes. it’s a theory that i’ve had for a few weeks now, and the fact that 196 directly addressed the tapes without actually jossing this theory has only fueled me. vincent @girlbossgertrude made a post about this exact theory earlier today which is much more concise than this, i just wanted to post my own version for documentation purposes!

theory reasoning, speculation, and other thoughts under the cut:

gertrude knew that agnes was immortal. logically, since gertrude was not, binding agnes directly to gertrude to prevent the desolation’s ritual would inevitably lead to agnes being unleashed upon gertrude’s death.

so instead, she used the binding web ritual to bind agnes not to gertrude herself, but to the tapes, the archives, and/or the position of archivist, which would continue to exist long after her.

in ep 161 dwelling, in a recording from 2015, gertrude notes that she’s been using the tapes for 40 years, aka since 1975. 1975 is also approximately the year that she carried out the web binding on agnes. the timeline fits!

upon agnes’ death, she began haunting the archives, and inhabited (and/or could manifest herself through) the tape recorders.

not too sure about the above point - either she is the tapes, in the same way that gerry was the book, or she’s just a ghost who can speak through the recorders EVP-style.

side note: we already canonically know that gertrude is absolutely the kind of person who would bind someone’s ghost into a supernatural object after their death against their will! someone who was born into a terrible destiny, raised in an evil environment and taught terrible things, who felt like they could never fit into normal human society due to their upbringing... the parallels and foreshadowing are already there, is all i’m saying.

gertrude knew about agnes being in the tapes, but as established in ep 167 curiosity, had no interest in connecting with agnes or furthering the web bond between them. she continued to use the tapes for her work, but never spoke directly to agnes, up until her emma betrayed her and she needed to speak with someone to talk it over.

the “one person she could trust” - why would agnes be this for her if they had never spoken to each other before? maybe because she’s been carrying her around and using her for her work for years already?

additionally, how did agnes know the details of sarah carpenter’s death? if she was still with the lightless flame, then it’s certainly possible that she was told all the gory details by a cultist - but the timeline sets this meeting after agnes’ death. is it not also possible that she knew because she was there? because emma was taking notes and recording the encounters she orchestrated in order to analyze them, and had used a tape recorder during the event?

this would explain how the tapes are clearly web-aligned. agnes grew up with the web, was bound by the web all her life, and was bound to the tapes by the web in death.

this would explain why the tapes are the only medium through which supernatural phenomena can be recorded without corruption, even though, as established in ep 65 binary, they are a digital medium just like computers.

the above is a point in favor of agnes literally being the tapes - binary was about a person whose consciousness inhabited a digital medium! what if it was foreshadowing all along?

this would, of course, also explain the timeline discrepancies, how agnes and gertrude spoke after agnes’ death. agnes was dead, she just wasn’t gone. it would also explain how their meeting happened at all - as the episode establishes, the lightless flame would not have been keen to allow their messiah to meet with the archivist. how did gertrude contact her, meet with her, and keep this whole thing a secret from the cult, when agnes seemed to have been under pretty heavy surveillance for most of her life? maybe gertrude didn’t need to contact her at all; maybe she was already in the archives.

various other assorted evidence/interesting implications:

the earliest known instance of the tapes turning on by themselves is in order to record gertrude’s death.

all of the tapes that mysteriously made it to the cabin with the pack of statements had to do with fire. people assumed this was blatant foreshadowing for the archives burning down, but even back in april i thought that seemed too obvious, and indeed as of ep 196 it’s seeming more and more unlikely. what if it was, in fact, a hint that the tapes are also desolation-aligned?

agnes and gertrude were implied to be anchors - much like the tapes have been an anchor for jon, such as when they helped him escape the coffin.

in 161, gertrude say that she’s going to tell leitner about agnes’ pyromania sometime, and then the very next line is leitner noting that the tape is still running. it could be a coincidence, but what if his attention was drawn by the reminder of agnes because he knew she was in the tapes?

additionally, there’s that odd moment in ep 80 the librarian where he addresses the tapes directly, saying that he’s “not sure you would have liked [Jon]”. sure, this could have been vaguely addressing gertrude’s spirit - but it could just as easily be saying ‘i’m not sure you would have liked him compared to how i think you felt about gertrude.’

gertrude says in ep 162 a cozy cabin that she generally only uses the tapes for things that she thinks her successor needs to know. implying that she thinks all the tapes are ensured to reach the next archivist? obviously this didn’t turn out to be true in canon, but there must have been some reasoning behind this that made her think it would happen.

that goddamn web lighter - an intersection between the web and fire/desolation - has been with jon all along. as have the tapes.

in ep 196 this old house, annabelle reveals that agnes was the thing that finally ripped open the crack and turned it into an actual hole. shortly thereafter, annabelle reveals the hole, which is held together/being maintained by a web made of tape.

annabelle doesn’t actually say that the tapes have been her all along! they’re obviously web-aligned, but she says that she’s been using them as material/tools to spin her web - much like the web used agnes as a tool to open the gap!

[365days365movies]

January 3, 2021: Cliffhanger (1993)

Sylvester Stallone.

The Italian Stallion here is one of the most prominent action movie stars of the ‘80s and ‘90s, coming to prominence with Rocky in 1976. And before we even start this review, here’s the deal: I refuse to make fun of the man’s iconic voice. Yeah, I get it, we’ve all shouted “YOADRIAAAAAAH!” at some point, but his voice and face is due to a botched birth, which pinched a nerve and caused permanent facial paralysis. We all got something, and I’m not gonna target him for it. It’s been done enough.

I also can’t really comment on his acting ability. Why? Well...OK, some confession time. I’ve BARELY seen Stallone in a film. That’s going to be fixed this year, as I’ve added many of his films to the list for 2021. So, what have and haven’t I seen? Let’s start with haven’t, shall we?

I haven’t seen:

Rocky (1976): Sports November

Rocky II (1979): maybe Sports November

First Blood (1982): later this month

Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992): Please. Please don’t make me.

Cliffhanger (1993): Give it a minute.

Demolition Man (1993): Science Fiction September

Judge Dredd (1995): maybe Science Fiction September

The Expendables (2010): later this month

I have seen:

Tango and Cash (1989): Dumbass buddy cop movie with Stallone and Russell; 2/5.

Antz (1998): Sub-par Dreamworks rip-off of an already kinda sub-par Pixar movie; 2/5

Spy Kids 3: Game Over (2003): Yeah...I saw this in theaters, on my birthday. I saw everything in red and green for, like, an hour afterwards. Worth it. 2/5.

Rocky Balboa (2006): Somehow, this is the only Rocky movie I’ve seen, Creed included. And from what I remember, it was fine. 3/5.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017): The ONE good Stallone movie I’ve seen, and it isn’t even a Stallone movie. 5/5.

So, yeah, I haven’t seen any good Stallone movies, sans the one. But now, some of you are probably asking another question: “Why Cliffhanger? You literally haven’t seen any major Stallone movie, so WHY CLIFFHANGER?”

First of all, I think everybody’s kinda slept on this movie. It was a big success back in the day, but people have basically forgotten it at this point. You’ll see in this review that there aren’t even many GIFs from the movie made, and it wasn’t easy to find enough clips to make my own, honestly. Does it deserve to get slept on? I mean, we’ll see, right? 

Secondly, I just watched a Tom Cruise movie where he dangles off of a rope, and I liked that, so why not do that for the next one, I guess! And third...honestly, I saw this on the list, and it kinda just spoke to me. It called to me, like a boxer calling to his love. Hey, look, a reference to a movie I’ve never seen. We’ll get there. We’ll get there. Oh, and SPOILERS from here on out, by the way.

Recap

We start on a cliff. Surprise.

Michael Rooker (y’know, Yondu from Guardians of the Galaxy) is hanging out (HA!) with his girlfriend Sarah on a cliff called the Tower. Y’know, third date kinda stuff. First date is dinner, second date is dinner and a movie, and third date is free-climbing up a cliff to your near death. Well...near is a strong word…

ANYHOOOO, We meet Gabe, played by the big man himself, Sly Stallion, who’s a rescue ranger in the Rocky Mountains. So, Rocky, the Rockies Rescue Ranger is sent to save Yondu and Sarah. Unfortunately...someone forgot to check the equipment before the rescue mission…

Not gonna lie, this scene is actually heart-wrenchingly tense. And the ending...well, if you’ve seen Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls...you know what happens here. And it’s actually somewhat traumatic, for Gabe and for me. Seriously. It’s a roughie.

Cut to almost a year later, and Gabe is...NOT OK. He and his wife, Jessie (who is a pilot for the Rescue Rangers, and was there when Sarah fell), have been separate, and Gabe just can’t do it anymore. And I get it, honestly. That was a hard experience, losing someone and blaming yourself. And no, it wasn’t Gabe’s fault. But to add insult to injury, he has NO SUPPORT SYSTEM. His wife doesn’t seem to understand, his former best friend Yondu hates him (getting GotG Vol. 2 flashbacks), and he’s basically all alone. Geez. You guys are jerks.

Meanwhile, a plot is afoot! And hey, it’s Tripp from CSI: Miami, AKA Rex Linn! I always liked him, so it’s cool to see him in other roles. Turns out, though, that Tripp is working with a group of thugs to steal from the US Treasury. This villainous group of 8 thugs is led by John Lithgow, AKA Lord Farquaad from Shrek, who is channeling Hans Gruber from Die Hard, and trying super-hard on that British accent. Anyway, after a pretty great mid-flight action sequence, the group of thugs loses 3 suitcases of money, amounting to millions. In the process, they also lose Expendable Thugs #1 and #2. This will be a trend. 

The thugs crash their plane into the mountain, killing Expendable Thug #3 in the process. They stage a rescue situation to get some expert mountain climbers to help them find the money. Jessie, after having just told her hubby to suck it up like a big boy (I don’t really like Jessie, by the way), begs him to help find these people. Reluctantly, he agrees, and has a tension filled reunion with his former best friend, who blames him (unfairly, in my opinion). That animosity disappears as soon as they find themselves held hostage by the thugs. And so, the money hunt begins!

First suitcase is on a cliffside, and Stallone goes to get it. Some shenanigans quickly ensure, and the thugs shoot at him. An avalanche occurs because these dumbasses have never seen a movie, and in the process, we lose a suitcase of money, Expendable Thug #4 goes the way of Sarah, and Gabe is presumed dead. Farquaad tells Yondu to tell his coworkers that everything is fine, and he’s gonna stay on the mountain to ride out the storm. Which is #5 in the list of “moments in this movie where I would 100% die” I grew up in a warm climate, this is not a comfortable hypothetical situation for me.

Anyway, our intrepid team of criminals takes Yondu to find the next suitcase, while Jessie and Gabe separately make their way to the cabin that Yondu was talking about. They catch each other up, and they can’t contact the main office because...Jessie’s radio died in the cold? You...you work amongst mountains as a rescue officer for stranded hikers. That’s the best excuse the writers came up with? Why the hell didn’t she bring a better radio? They HAD to have spares, right? RIGHT? Geez, no wonder you needed Gabe’s help.

The tracker, with its marvelously outdated computer graphics technology (IT’S A UNIX SYSTEM IKNOWTHIS), leads the thugs to the next package, but not before Gabe and Jesse get there! Gabe leaves a ransom note for the money, holding it hostage. This eventually leads to a nighttime chase in the snow, leading to Expendable Thug #5 going The Way of Sarah.

By the way, it’s also at this point that I notice that it is VERY bright...for being in the middle of the mountains at night. And I get it, you can’t exactly have your movie be shot in darkness, but...look at this.

Like...wow. That’s the fakest outdoor shot I’ve ever seen. I guess I’m glad it isn’t a day-for-night shot, but...yeah. Wow.

Jesse and Gabe find themselves in a cave full of the cutest goddamn bats I’ve ever seen. This is supposed to be a harrowing experience, but simply makes me jealous. They’re fruit bats, by the way, and they’re also WAY too high up, altitude-wise. At least, that’s what I assume. I’m a bird-guy, not a bat-guy. Eventually, they make it out of the cave after Stallone does some free-climbing...loudly. Loud enough for the super-violent, sociopathic, knife-and-gun-loving Expendable Thug #6 to hear them. And that’s when Gabe ICE-PICKS HIM IN THE LEG DAMN

Understandably pissed, and not as understandably still walking around without crying (#6 in that list of me-dying moments), the thug finds and beats the SHIT out of Gabe, handily.  But then, he calls Jessie a bitch, and Gabe is, above all things a feminist. Which leads to him, and read this CLOSELY:

This leads to Stallone, bloodied and beaten, PICKING THE THUG UP OVER HIS HEAD, AND IMPALING HIM ONTO A STALACTITE. Not a stalagmite, a STALACTITE. HOLY SHIT!.

Well, Expendable Thug #6 is dead, there’s a bomb on the mountaintop, Jesse almost goes The Way of Sarah, and Frank (another guy who works with them, don’t know if I mentioned him) gets lured into a trap where he gets killed. An “Aww” moment from me; I liked Frank, he seemed like a really nice guy. This eventually leads to Farquaad and Tripp out-crazy-ing each other, and Farquaad winning by killing Expendable Thug #7, who does not go The Way of Sarah (blessed be her fall).

Gabe finds the remaining money, while Tripp, Yondu, and Expendable Thug #7 get there just after. Tripp leaves, and Yondu then delivers my favorite line of the movie:

Oh, sorry, no, it’s, “In a minute, I’ll be dead. You will always be an asshole.” Thug #7 beats the shit out of Yondu, I get flashbacks to GotG 2, and Thug #8 goes THE WAY OF SARAH, BLESSED BE HER FALL. Tripp finds the tracker without the money, and officially loses it, outing himself and Farquaad to the government officials who FINALLY get here.

Tripp finds Gabe, they make their way to a frozen mountain lake, and Gabe SHOOTS TRIPP FROM UNDERNEATH THE ICE. That shouldn’t have worked for many reasons, but that was cool, so fuck it. Now, it’s just Farquaad, BUT HE HAS JESSIE! OH NOOOOOOOooooooo.

This whole thing culminates in a tense, cool chase sequence between Gabe and Farquad in the helicopter. The helicopter crashes into the mountainside, and the two fight while on the helicopter, which is now hanging from the cliff.

Oh. Oh, I get it.

This inevitably leads to Farquaad and the helicopter going, of course, The Way of Sarah. Blessed Be Her Fall. #BBHF. 

And that’s it. Our three heroes are, themselves, rescued by the government agents, and we pan away from the cliffside, as the credits roll. Boom. Cliffhanger.

Stay tuned for the epilogue, which contains the review!

[narika-a]

Never Take Your Eyes Off The Target

Hwang Hyunjin x Reader

Summary: He was here to do to his job, not question what and why. It was all supposed to end tonight but not with the target like you. aka assassination attempt gone wrong 😂

Genre: Mafia AU, angst

Warnings: Mentions of suicide and death, violence, strong language

Word count: 3,340

Hyunjin’s POV

I took a sip of my coffee as I watched the café across the road from my seat near the window. My phone vibrated, and I shifted my attention to it. There was a notification indicating I got an email. Private sender. Again. Not waiting any longer, I opened the app, hoping it won’t be the same request that’s been haunting me the past few months.

But it was. Different client, same target.

I shifted through my papers, the information was the same too, just the pay varied. I couldn’t wrap my head around it no matter how much I thought. Why would four, no, now five, different clients would want to get rid of one and the same person? What made her so special? What did she know? Even after all the investigations, I had no answers. The more I was on this case the less sense it made. It mattered little now. I’m not here to question why. Besides, it’s all going to end tonight. I watched her long enough. Know all the possible patterns.

I typed back a quick reply, telling my client that I’m taking them up on their offer. Can always use the money and what better way to earn it than doing one job for the price of five.

I ripped the papers and threw them into the nearby bin.

I checked my watch. Nine thirty-two. Anytime now. The door of the café opened, and I watched her step out into the night.

She was on the move. Everything was according to schedule. I went outside and loaded my gun. I stuffed it inside my jacket’s pocket and started following her.

I breathed in. The spring’s air was cool and fresh. What a perfect evening to kill somebody.

The further we went from the busy streets, the closer I got. I have seen the route she takes plenty of times before but knowing that today is the last day, it somehow felt different. I looked at her figure ahead of me, just a few more steps and she should be taking a sharp right. I increased my pace. The place where I decided to do it was approaching fast. I withdrew my gun and took a deep breath. Let’s do this precisely and quickly. Just like any other time. Three. Two. One. Now.

I stopped as I turned the corner. My gun raised high, ready to fire. No, this wasn’t part of the plan.

She was looking straight at me. Her hair moving gently in the breeze.

My finger froze on the trigger. I could see her features more clearly now, she couldn’t be that much older than me.

“What? You’re not going to shoot?” she asked, pushing some of the hair behind her ear. I always imagined what her voice would sound like, never thought I will be able to hear it. “Get it over with. Just kill me already.”

I didn’t know what to say. Is this some kind of trick?

She turned fully to me and started walking in my direction and I tensed up immediately. What is she going to do? Attack? With what?

“Isn’t that why you are here?” she asked, as she approached me. “Then do it.”

She set her forehead against my gun barrel. She was so close, I couldn’t take my eyes off her as she stared into mine. We stood there frozen, for what seemed like an hour.

“Pull the trigger,” she said, closing her eyes.

My heart started beating faster. Why am I hesitating? Just do your fucking job, Hyunjin.

I pressed slowly on the trigger, just a bit more and it’s over.

I closed my eyes and fired.

Never take your eyes off the target

A familiar voice echoed in my head. And then I knew, the bullet didn’t reach her. I opened my eyes, only to see that she pushed my hand to the side at the very last second. I could still hear the sound of the gunshot ringing around the buildings.

The push made her step into my embrace. I could feel her heart beating. She was breathing heavily, her eyes scared and confused. It was as if she actually didn’t intend to avoid the shot.

She ducked down quickly and started running in the opposite direction.

“Hey wait!” I shouted after, like she would stop just because I asked her. I aimed my gun at her, but couldn’t get a good shot, she was moving too fast.

“Shit,” I cursed under my breath as I started chasing her. I knew where she was going – to the subway. And if she gets on one before I do, she will be as good as gone. And I can’t let that happen. Not after this.

She was surprisingly fast, but I knew I could outrun her. She crossed the bridge and then there was only a flight of stairs down to reach the train. She jumped over the barrier and I followed.

“Officer that’s him! That’s him right there!” I heard somebody shout behind me. I looked back and saw a few policemen coming my way, somebody probably heard the gunshot and called them over. Just what I needed right now! I should have used a silencer.

“Stop!” one of them yelled.

I didn’t even slow down and continued with my chase. A train was arriving at the station, just as I ran into the main hall. I looked around and saw her in the distance, quickly changing my direction to go after her.

“Stop or I will shoot!” the policeman yelled again as people who were still present in the station moved out of the way. Good for me, even though this was supposed to be done completely anonymously.

The door buttons started flashing, reminding that the doors will be closing soon. She was still running, trying to reach the first carriage and I realized I had to do it now.

I stopped and aimed my gun again.

“Drop it! Hands behind your head!”

I closed one of my eyes trying to get a clean shot.

“On your knees now!” the officers shouted, they were right behind me. “I’m counting to three. I will shoot!”

She jumped onto the train just as the door closed, her eyes quickly meeting mine, as the vehicle started to move.

“Tsk,” I clicked my tongue, lowering the gun as I got on my knees. The police came up to me, still yelling for me not to move. But she was the only thing I could think about right now. I can’t believe I lost her.

▲▼▲▼▲

Your POV

You released the breath you didn’t even know you were holding and stumbled a bit backward, hitting the opposite door. You put your hands on your face in an attempt to calm down. You glanced to your right and went to the seats, slumping down in one of them.

“Who was that guy?” you thought, looking out the window. “That assassin?”

There had been plenty of them after you in the past year but somehow this one was different. He was persistent, following you for a long time. He thought you didn’t know. You wanted to see what he will do, you could tell he was good at his job and you were tired. At this point you were in a dead-end and wanted nothing but for somebody to just come and end it, as you could never do it yourself. What’s the point anyway? You don’t remember anything.

But when he closed his eyes before firing and you opened them one last time and saw his figure illuminated by the moonlight, you realized that he’s not the one, he’s not the one who should kill you, or rather nobody should. You didn’t know why but the thought that he’s going to be the one to lead you out of the dead-end crossed your mind and your instincts kicked in.

You don’t know how you did it, but you managed to avoid it. And that scared you. Your thoughts and the realization of what had almost happened scared you.

You looked at your reflection in the window. You were a mess, all sweaty, hair going every which way. You focused your gaze and saw somebody staring at you from behind.

“What?” you snapped, turning around. There was a guy sitting opposite you. You were the only two on the carriage. You were so lost in thoughts, you didn’t notice him at all.

He seemed to be taken aback by your question, or maybe your appearance.

“No, I…” he finally spoke. “It’s just that you’re bleeding,” he said, tapping his finger on his forehead.

You touched your forehead where he was showing. It hurt so you pulled your hand back almost immediately, surprised to see blood on your fingers. The bullet has probably scarped you, as you pushed his gun away. Is the cut deep? Will you need stitches? Will it leave a scar?

“Here,” the guy said, putting his laptop aside and reaching towards you.

“Ah thank you,” you replied, taking the tissue pack from his hands. He smiled at you softly and you could see he had cute freckles, that made him look like a really warm person. You felt kind of bad for being so rude to him before. “I don’t need this many though.”

“Keep them,” he said, sitting down and taking his computer back onto his lap.

You took one of the tissues out and pressed it onto your forehead. It seemed that the blood was already drying up, maybe the cut is not that deep after all.

You looked at the screen with the stations. You already passed two of them. Should be far enough. You glanced at the guy again and he quickly lowered his gaze. You chuckled at the thought of him still staring at you.

You got up from your seat as you reached the station and smiled back at him, before getting off.

Now what?

▲▼▲▼▲

Hyunjin’s POV

I leaned my head on the cold wall of my cell, as the first rays of sunshine hit my face, waiting for somebody to finally come get me.

The door suddenly opened and one of the guards called me to take my stuff and get out of here. I stepped outside and noticed Changbin standing by the entrance. Didn’t think he will come get me himself. He gestured with his head for me to follow and I quickly caught up with him.

“Changbin I…” I somehow felt the need to explain myself.

“Quite big of a fuck up, right?” he laughed, interrupting me. “Didn’t have one like this in years. You’re lucky I still have connections, or you would be in jail by now. Chasing a woman with your gun out when there are other people around? What were you thinking?!”

I didn’t answer because I wasn’t thinking.

“I reckon you didn’t kill her then?” he asked me. “Why?”

“I… I don’t know…” I looked at my hands. “I just couldn’t do it.”

He glanced at me, raising his eyebrow. He didn’t like what he was hearing.

“You’re not becoming soft, are you?” he laughed again, and I nudged him. Thank god he’s in a good mood today or I wouldn’t hear the end of it.

“Oh, by the way,” he stopped, taking something out of his inner pocket. “These came in this morning.”

I took the envelopes from him, recognizing the stamp that is used for job offers. I opened one of them up, taking the picture of the target out.

“Ah!” I gasped. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

“What?” Changbin asked.

“No, it’s nothing…”

Changbin rolled his eyes and snatched the photo from me.

“Her again!? If she’s being requested that often I can’t believe nobody else took her out by now.”

But that wasn’t why I was concerned. Honestly, at this point, it doesn’t surprise me that she’s the target.

“You said these came in this morning?”

“Yeah, so?”

“How is this possible?” I thought. I looked at the picture again, it was really her, but the name is now different. I took out the papers with her information. Not only that, everything except the face was different. Did she switch her identities? But how did she do it so quickly and how did my clients find out about it? Or was she living with multiple identities at the same time? That would explain why I could barely find any previous information about her.

“What are you spacing out for?” Changbin interrupted my trail of thought. “Get in the car, we’re leaving.”

▲▼▲▼▲

Felix’s POV

“She has a scar now,” I said, throwing the photos at him. “On the left side of her forehead.”

“A what?” Chan asked, lowering his feet from the desk and sitting up straight. He picked up the photos, almost choking on the lollipop he was having. “You saw her?!”

“Yeah, this night. On the subway.”

“Why didn’t you take her out?!”

“It’s not my case now, is it?” I shrugged. “Besides, you know that I can’t kill her.”

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He sat there thinking before putting the lollipop back in his mouth, pushing himself away from the table, stretching his legs.

“So she’s back in the city?.. And she didn’t recognize you?”

“Didn’t seem to. Honestly, I was surprised to see her myself. She looked… Different?”

“You think the rumours are true? She doesn’t remember anything?”

“That or she’s a good actress.”

“She used to be…” Chan mumbled under his breath. He pulled himself with his chair to the table and picked the photo again. “Which station did she get off on?”

“You don’t think that she?”

“We won’t know unless we check. So?”

“Near the Olympic Park.”

He scribbled something down on the other side of the photo, nodding to himself.

“Who else knows this?” he suddenly asked.

“At the moment? Just you.” I said.

“Good. Keep it this way. I will tell the others myself.”

I took this as a cue to leave, so I turned around and without saying anything, left his office. I hoped Chan doesn’t find her, or at least not before he does.

▲▼▲▼▲

Hyunjin’s POV

I decided to go back to the café she used to work at in an attempt to get more information that would help me find her again.

“Excuse me!” I said as I stepped near the counter, the café was practically empty.

“Yes? How can I help you?” a young girl, showed up.

“Seoul police,” I said, showing her my fake ID. “Could I ask you a few questions? It’s about Im Nayeon, she works here?”

“Nayeon?” the girl was surprised to hear her name. “She used to work her, yes. Lovely girl. But she was very ill and passed away a few months ago.”

“She’s dead?!” I certainly didn’t expect that. But then it means this name and surname actually belonged to a real person. What was she doing here all this time I watched her, if she didn’t come here to work? I remembered the name I saw on her photo, the one she’s supposedly going by now. “How about Son Chaeyoung? The name rings any bells?”

“Hmm… Not that I could think of.”

I finally took out her photo and set it on the counter.

“How about this girl?” I asked tapping the photo, I was losing my patience. “You seen her?”

“Not really, no,” she replied.

“How can you not have seen her?!” I raised my voice. “She used to come here every day, isn’t she a regular?”

“Now that you mention it, I think I might have spotted her a few times, but she definitely wasn’t a regular.”

This didn’t make any sense at all. Who was I watching then?

“Thank you for your time,” I said, taking the photo and going outside. I ruffled my hair. I didn’t get enough sleep last night and every little thing, especially when it wasn’t going my way, annoyed me.

So Im Nayeon is dead, huh? I took my phone out and texted Woojin, he should be able to help me find out. Is Son Chaeyoung real or just made up? She could also be dead. Maybe that’s the case. Maybe she’s taking the identities of dead people? But why?

- - - - - - -

And here I was at the morgue, waiting to see the body. Turns out Son Chaeyoung died in a car accident last night. But it couldn’t be her, could it? There was only one way to find out.

The medical examiner came up to me and took me to inspect the body. He took of the sheet. Somehow, I was relieved to know it wasn’t her.

“Where did the accident happen?” I asked.

“It was at about eleven in the evening near the Olympic Park.”

“Olympic Park?” I wrote that down in my notes. “Why is the body still here?”

“Well no relatives turned up as of yet. It could be that she doesn’t have any at all or they don’t keep in contact. These things happen.”

I nodded, taking it down. I thanked the examiner and left the building. The visit left me with more questions than answers. If both Im Nayeon and Son Chaeyoung are dead. Then who is she?

I headed down the street. Back to the city centre. I needed some coffee. Clear my head. Figure my thoughts. How did this assassination that was supposed to end yesterday turned into this mess?

I set my cup on the table outside and took a seat. I fumbled with my inner pockets and finally got the cigarette pack out. I don’t even smoke unless it’s a very stressful situation, I don’t know why I carry them around. I looked at the pack and decided to take one out.

I put it in my mouth, searching for something to light it up.

“That’s a disgusting habit. I really hope you’re not actually smoking,” somebody said, taking the cigarette out of my mouth and smudging it in the ashtray.

I looked up. It was her.

I quickly reached for my gun in the holster, but she stopped me, putting her hand over mine.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” she said, as she smiled to the lady passing by. There were too many people around. If anyone where to look at us now, they would probably think we’re a couple. And it seems she wanted for it to stay that way. Nothing suspicious going on here. Move along.

I took my hand from under her palm, but she still kept hers on my leg, drawing circles with her fingers. I watched her. I noticed she had a scar on her forehead now. Was this from last night?

She finally looked at me.

“I quite like you Hyunjin,” she said. I was surprised to find out she knows my name, but I didn’t show it. “It would be nice if you stopped going after me… Before it’s too late,” she added. “Or I might just need to take you out.”

My eyes widened. I couldn’t help but laugh at her threat.

“Take me out? And how are you going to do that?”

She didn’t say anything and just stood up. She clearly had the upper hand and I hated that. I wondered how much she knew about me, when I don’t even know her real name.

As she stood up, she brushed her hair to the left and I swear I saw a tattoo on the back of her ear. Some letters. It couldn’t be, could it?

She turned and started walking towards the exit.

“Y/N,” I called her. Startled, she stopped in her tracks, putting her hand on her neck. “That’s your real name isn’t it?”

She smirked at me and I knew I was right.

“Try me,” I told her. I always liked a good challenge.

[ksj-com]

The Purge Night-

Gunpoint

- Pairing: Hoseok x Reader

- Genre: ThePurge!AU, Hitman!AU, violence, smut, gore

- Warnings/Tags: pre-meditated murder, dark web hitman mention, (kind of?) slow burn, killing, fantasizing about ripping out someones diaphragm, soft Hoseok, crying reader, eventual smut, fucking over a kitchen counter, light spanking, marking hickeys 

- Word Count: 3649 words

- Summary: There are a lot of black market jobs that really come to life during the purge— including hiring a hitman. When Hoseok sees his target for tonight, will he pull the trigger or make an exception for you?

|| Masterlist ||

A/N: Thank you to my bestfriend Jasmin (aka @pjm-com) for writing out my idea for this story for me because my mentality to do ANYTHING today was not having it. If you like this story, check out her writings because they are amazing 

     Hoseok was excited for tonight, something he could feel in his veins weeks before the actual day came. He spent the prior hours preparing his weapons for that night to keep him alive, and that thought alone made him laugh. He was untouchable. He wasn’t marked by anyone else, but he was known to be dangerous in every way possible which meant work would be heavy in the towns over. The towns who had never seen his face, who hadn’t experienced him standing over someone about to blow out their brains.

     On purge night, there were two types of services that people could order. A protection service, in which someone would be posted outside your house to keep the crazy killers outside. There was another service as well, but it was highly illegal and fortunately for Hoseok, it was his full time job. Even sitting at his computer now, he’s searching through his e-mails on targets he has to kill before the week is up and oddly enough there is only one scheduled for tonight. A sick twisted smile forms on his face as he realizes that, he can take his time with you tonight. He could make it as quick as he wanted, or watch them die painfully tonight. 

     “This poor mother fucker,” he says as he leans back in his chair as he sipped on some alcohol. He’s already thought of five ways he can obliterate the body, man or women, he didn’t care. He could cut the sternum right under the chest plate and flip the diaphragm back, watching them struggle to breath without the main supporting muscle. But he’d save his sick fantasies for later before he gets too excited, and opens the e-mail. No specific information, no specific way to kill, just an address and a photo was all he needed to get the job done. Turning off his computer, he gets up and goes down into a secret room and is flicking the lights on to reveal an armory that he keeps just for his job. It paid in heaps of cash, which was why he had the best weapons known to man, some he’s been saving for special occasions.

     He moves towards the room with familiarity, knowing where everything is as he pulls out a bag that he’s had ready for weeks now. Unrolling the small bundle, Hoseok spreads it out on the table to show two of his favorite weapons. The Ruger SR40c which had its own silencer. It was one of the most dangerous handguns out there and he was honored to have it in his possession, right next to a needle that he can inject into her jugular vein to paralyze her. With confidence, he brings the gun into his view before putting it in his stomach holster that keeps the gun strapped to his back, before pocketing the needle. He’s leaving the room quickly to walk into the main portion of his house and shut it down for the night. He lived in a penthouse on the seventh floor of a large building in the city so he was not worried at all about someone waiting for him to get home. 

     In no time he’s pulling the work address up on maps and making his way down to his car in the parking garage, a black Cadillac that has aided him through many drive-by shootings. He gets into the car and immediately locks the doors out of habit before setting his phone on a mount and pulling out of there. Lucky for him, the house was one in the suburbs not even five minutes from here and given the timestamp in the information file, as he pulls up to the office building and spots his target getting into her car. 

     You hadn’t even seen him following you, and he’s already suspected you’re an idiot— case in point. He’s following you a few cars back to the house that looks nicer than he expected. He wasn’t usually supposed to ask questions on the job, but why would someone want you dead? Pushing the thoughts out of his head, he decides to turn off the main road and find a spot to park in the woods near your house. He could climb in the window when it was safe and slit your throat, or do something else if his mind thought it up. He watches you walk into your house, eyes over your shoulder every few minutes and the clock on his wrist tells him that it’s five minutes till the alarm is supposed to sound. He gets out of his car and starts treading through the thistle and branches to arrive at the edge of the forest right in front of your house. 

     His instincts kick in as he drops to his knees, another figure dressed in a suit and tie just like him, walking up to your house. Hoseok felt anger bubble in his chest. This was his kill, his money, and before he can plan on torturing the other hitman, a thought racks his mind. You fucking idiot, he thinks. That’s not a hitman, but a protection agent and it was like the devil had put this glorious opportunity right into his hands. He takes his gun out of the holster, glad that the agent had chosen to park far away, so it would make it easier for Hoseok to drag his body away. He’s lifting up the Ruger, aiming straight at his head, and he’s thanking the heavens for his silencer because within a split second the man is collapsing to the ground with a hole in his head. 

     Scanning the area, he doesn’t see a soul so Hoseok decides to move quickly since you’re already inside your house. He drags the agent back to his car after searching his body for any documents of concrete evidence that he was assigned to her house. After finding nothing, he shuts the car door and turns to her house before walking the same path the agent had moments ago. His knuckles knock on your door formally, a smile on his features as you open the door with wide eyes. “Miss Y/N?” He calls, extending his hand. You take it cautiously before nodding. 

     “Yes, that’s me. Are you my agent?” Hoseok nods and she’s ready to open the door to let him in before her eyes are fixed on something behind his shoulder. He turns around ready to whip out his pistol before he sees a toddler running from a girl’s car, whom he could only assume to be his nanny, up the stairs and to his mother. She coos at him happily, swinging him up in her arms and planting kisses all over his face. Hoseok can’t help but crack a smile at how happy you both looked together. A happiness he hasn’t felt in a long time. 

     “Hey sport, how was day camp?” He decides to do an outside perimeter check right as the alarm sounds, the boring speech filling his ears. Before rounding himself back inside to meet you guys eating at the dinner table. It must’ve been leftovers since he’d only been outside for all of six minutes, but your kid was chowing down either way. She turns to Hoseok, a soft smile on her face and he can tell she’s tired and worn out, and a little hint of fear lies in her eyes. He’s upset for a second, that he’d be leaving this kid without a mother since the contract only instructed you. He mentally slaps himself in the face. He’s here to kill you, not feel sorry for you. “Would you like any?”

     He shakes his head, putting his hands up. “No thank you, Miss. I already ate. Sit there and enjoy it, I’ll protect you.” She nods and continues to eat, making small talk with her kid about his day. Hoseok tunes it out, because he knows if he pays too much attention to it, he’ll start freaking out. It took him years to get over the death of his wife and kid. Five long years and he’s still scrambling to put his heart back into his chest. 

     He decides to watch the front door while they eat, and she’s getting him ready for bed. He’s doing a check of the halls and the bedrooms trying to find a place that he could hide in plain sight for later. While he’s in her bedroom, looking out her window to make sure no one was haunting the streets before he hears a soft hiccup behind him. You shut your door after tucking in your son, sobbing into your hands before your eyes are wide open at his figure in your room. 

     “Hey, I was just looking out your window to make sure no one’s waiting to ambush you… everything okay?” He asks in the softest voice possible. You look like you’re about to break apart right in his view and before he can ask again, you’re pressed into his chest crying. He short circuits with you in his arms, and he does the first thing he can think of which is holding you closer and sit on the bed. “Hey, it’s okay to let it out.. what’s wrong?” You’re gasping for air in his chest, hiccuping every so often as he rubs your back in rhythmic circles. 

     “It’s just.. my son.. He’s my everything and I’m barely s-scraping by to take care of him,” you sob and he sits there listening. “My fiancé was killed in the purge three years ago and it’s just been so hard without him.” Hoseok feels a jab of pain in his heart at your words. It’s something he knows very well, a pain he felt every night for the past five years.

     “That must be hard.. My wife and kid died in the purge as well, five years ago and that’s why I do what I do today.” He lies a little. The real reason he kills is because he has revenge for the world, cause he’s mad at the world. He screams at the stars every chance he gets, tears in his eyes asking God why he took the only thing keeping him going. They never respond back. Maybe they never will. “I want to protect people to make sure no more loved ones get killed in these sadistic games.” She offers a small hum as an answer, pulling away to wipe her tears before quietly apologizing. 

     “It’s just. I can’t protect him, not like you could. Please, keep him safe.” She’s begging him, tears in her eyes and streaming down her face. Maybe Hoseok breaks in that moment, a small piece of the wall he’s built is crumbling right now. He nods, thumb reaching up to push the tears away. “Even if you have to sacrifice my life over his, please make sure he’s safe.” Hoseok makes a promise to not touch a hair on that child’s head, no matter what happens tonight. He lets you lay in his chest as your breathing slows, and to his surprise you’re asleep within minutes. 

     Setting you straight on your bed, he makes sure you’re warm and cozy before shutting the door and sighing. It kills him on the inside but he walks into your boy’s room, and watches him for a while. He babbles in his sleep, a few words that Hoseok can’t understand. One does tear him a new one, your son mumbling ‘dad’ in his sleep. Hoseok can’t stay any longer but he vows to protect this kid his life if it’s the last thing he does. Pushing the thoughts out of his head, he goes downstairs to check all the doors and windows but the street stays surprisingly empty. That didn’t matter, because the killer was on the inside. 

     Now, as he sits and watches TV comfortably in your home, he wonders if he’ll be able to do it. Kill you in your sleep after you just cried in his arms. After he realizes you guys share the same pain, he won’t know if he has the heart. If he declines the job, he’ll be fired but maybe it’s worth it. A couple hours pass and it’s nighttime now, and Hoseok decides to go up to your room, to watch you for a while. You twist and turn in your sleep and as he inches closer, he’s afraid to wake you up. He kneels at your bedside, needle in his hand but he hasn’t removed it from his pocket. Your face is soft and free of stress lines as it rests against your pillow, hair fanned out against the sheets. The stains of your tears are evident on your face and it takes everything in his power to not wipe the remaining residue away. 

     Before he gets too far, your eyes open lazily before fixating on his figure. You don’t flinch cause you have great faith in how well he would be able to protect you, and you end up offering him a small smile. “Is everything alright?”  As if on cue, her kid starts crying and you’re suddenly on high alert.

     “He’s fine, he’s fine,” Hoseok calms you down instantly since he’s sure no ones in the house. He watches the look in your eyes return to normal and he fights internally with himself. “I’m sure a bad dream or something. Go check on him, I’m going to use the bathroom, okay?” You nod and he steps aside to let you tend to your kid while he slinks into the nearest restroom. He’s honestly nervous right now as he splashes water onto his face. He’s killed people without any mercy, and he’s wondering why the hell he can’t do it. Why he wants to stay outside your door and protect you every night. He opens the window once he decides that he can’t do it, and chucks the needle as far as he can away from the house. After slamming it shut, he pulls out his phone and deletes any trace of himself on the profile as much as he can in that time amount. He texts one of his close friends, asking him to wipe all his accounts clean before he steps into the hall. 

     After seeing your son asleep and your bed empty, he decides to trail downstairs and he spots you in the kitchen with your arms crossed as you wait for the coffee to be done brewing. He joins you in the kitchen and you guys sit in silence for a little bit. “Would you like a cup?” Hoseok nods and you pour him one, pushing the creamer and sugar towards him before making one of your own. 

     “You’re not going back to bed?” He exhales, and you shake your head. 

     “I wanna stay up with you. I can never sleep on nights like these, and I want to be awake should anything happen.. if that’s okay.” Hoseok nods and mixes the cream and sugar together before taking a drink. You sit at the island with your coffee in hand, as you sip from it momentarily. “Sorry for dumping all of that on you.. That’s not professional.” Hoseok shakes his head, leaning against the counter that you were sitting at. 

     “Don’t be. It’s good to know at least someone shares my grief.”

     You laugh softly at that before you exhale, shrugging. “I don’t know.. It’s just been so long since I’ve had a man in my house, or even someone to talk to. To hold me. It’s different, it’s not something I’ve had in a while.” Hoseok nods, looking at you, hyper aware of everything you do from flickering your eyes back and forth from his own and his lips, to your fingertips idly playing with each other on the table. Something in Hoseok snaps and he pushes his face forward to kiss you, something that almost makes him laugh. He was planning on killing you tonight, and here he is kissing you over your counter.

     He’s surprised as you kiss him back with fire, the same amount he had given you. He pulls away, your foreheads together as he laughs into your mouth, kissing you again before pulling away entirely. “I’m sorry,” he breathes. “I shouldn’t have done that.” You shrug as you get up, rounding the corner of the island before running your hands up his chest. He’s watching you with lust and fire as you shake your head.

     “It’s okay..” You were feeling some sort of way with him, and maybe it was desperation or lust but you wanted him. “This is the first attention I’ve had in three years.” His hands are on your hips as he pulls you closer into his chest, no restraint as he kisses you again. Your hands are around his neck in an instant, pulling your faces closer as you kissed him hungrily, wanting to diminish all space between your chests. “Just touch me,” you mumble and his last rope of control snaps as he grabs your thighs and sets you on the counter, pushing his dick into your core. You moan against his lips at how fast this was happening but you couldn’t care less as his hands are pushing your shirt up and over your head. He’s feeling your hips and your back while you’re undoing his tie, throwing it to the floor before working on his buttons. 

     Hoseok’s mind is spinning as he’s unhooking your bra and discarding that to the floor as well with his shirt too. Your tongue is licking up into his mouth which he takes the opportunity to lightly suck on it, making your legs tremble as you feel yourself getting more wet. “God, you’re just perfect,” he groans as he picks you up again and sets you down on the ground, one last hungry kiss to your lips before turning you around. “Gonna fuck you real good over the counter.” You whine in approval and push your pajama pants and underwear down in one go, kicking them around your feet while Hoseok’s working on his buttons. 

     “Hurry,” you breathe, and within seconds you feel the head pushing into you making your head drop into your arms. He doesn’t start out slow, and you thank god for the stamina he has gifted this man because he’s pounding into your pussy hard. “Holy shit,” you moan, your voice bouncing with each thrust into you while his hands grabbing handfuls of your ass. You’ve been so touched starved that you could cum right now if you think about it, but you wanted this to last as long as you could keep it. Hoseok’s bent over your figure, hips shoving you against the counter tops as he’s kissing your spine and marking your shoulders by biting and sucking wherever he could. 

     “You’re really fucking tight,” he growls giving your ass a playful smack and you moan into your own hand, careful not to wake your son. He’s not giving up, if anything he’s moaning louder into your ear as he picks up the pace, thrusting harder into you reaching spots that are making your toes curl into the floor. 

     “O-oh fuck.” You whine, eyes screwing shut as you slam back into his cock so he’d reach farther in you. That earns louder groans from the both of you, and his thrusts are getting sloppier by the second while your stomach is convulsing in pleasure. “I think I’m gonna come soon..”

     Hoseok hums in agreement, growling loudly as he starts to speed up, getting louder. “F-fuck me too.. I wanted to last longer but holy hell,” he whines. With one more slap to your ass, you’re cumming on his cock, clenching around him with a loud cry. Soon enough he fucks you through your high, and he’s cumming inside you, filling you up as he’s moaning into your ear. “Fuuuuck.” He drags it out, chest heaving as he pulls out of you and watches his cum drip from your pussy. He doesn’t hesitate to turn you around, pulling you into a kiss that was filled with passion. One you could feel when his lips first touched yours. 

     You both laugh embarrassed as you pull away, Hoseok cleaning you guys both up as you pull your clothes back on a little awkwardly. Hoseok wanted to stay here. Fuck his penthouse, fuck his job. He had enough money to support you and your boy if he’d give you a chance. He kisses your lips again, holding you close as you’re smiling into his lips. You guys make your way to the living room so he can keep an eye on you, a movie on the TV. No one really says anything for awhile until you speak up, voice wavering.

     “Maybe you’d want to protect me next year too? And the year after that?” Your voice is uncertain, and Hoseok’s eyes are wide as he looks down at you. He presses his lips against yours again, softly before he’s nodding against your forehead. 

     “Of course I will.. for however many years you’ll have me, I’ll stay.” 

     Hoseok found the last pieces of his heart he was scrambling for, something to fill the void. His heart was overflowing in competition now that he had you, and had a little boy that he could protect too. As you lay there in his arms asleep while he watches the windows, he plays with your hair gently as he thinks. Now he can stop screaming at the stars, because the motivation to keep going lies in his lap.

[wildflowerwattpad0217]

Long Time, No See: a Sherlock x OC Fanfic. My reaction after two years.

This story has spoilers for this fanfic, if you would like to read it before hand here is the link:

Long Time, No See

Masterlist

Each paragraph is a chapter.

Did I recycle names because I really did like the name Samara and didn't think it was getting enough love? Yes, I did. This is the prologue, explaining Sherlock and Samara's past together up until she leaves, moving in with her father and her 'half-brother' who just happens to be the evil James Moriarty. Then there is a cameo at the end by A.G.R.A.

This is creepy tbh. She was protecting him. So her father ended up being abusive, and to run away from it all she faked her death. Legally her last name is now Moriarty but she prefers Finley. It's always nice when you even surprise Mycroft. She's Queenie, best hacker in the world.

John trying to make small talk with Samara well she is making a firewall for the British government. John and Sherlock after finding out her sleep schedule is forcing her to go to bed. Sherlock admitted to John about being in love with her. I love Sherlock and Samara's dynamic.

A severed head in the fridge. When the blog Sherlock doesn't like is also the reason is his best friend is back with him after she read the last name, Moriarty. Sam coming to Sherlock's defense when coming to him deleting the solar system from his mind palace. She is so not bother by the fact there was a piece of glass in her face. Sherlock and Mycroft's sibling rilvarly tho. Scotland Yard is shaking at the idea of two Sherlocks.

A game of war. Moriarty. Carl Powers, their first case. Time to finish what they started. She got into the system. Botox. Her father run an insurance fraud ring.

It's time for war. He knows something she doesn't. She says she's more powerful than Mycroft and tbh she's not wrong. Moriarty isn't wrong tho. Hacking is her drug... Samara has a few ideas.

Yeah, Sherlock is going to ask about that later. That was a quick case. And a small bit of the truth comes out. Connie Prince.

Sherlock and Sam are freaking out Lestrade and it's perfect. Everyone who knows Sherlock always has the same questions for Sam. She defused that tension quickly. Sherlock has been almost killed a lot, if it hadn't been for Sam he and Mycoft would probably be dead.

This chapter just shows everyone how much pull she has any underground community. The way even the golem owes her favors and is on a nickname basis with him. The Van Buren supernova. She is going to kill her brother.

I do agree, it's time to fulfill that promise. King Midas just warned Sam about what her brother is planning. They are full siblings not just half siblings. This scene right here, proves even more to Sherlock how deep she is in the community how powerful she is that not even the assassins no matter how much they are being paid they will be loyal to Queenie.

Sherlock was wondering if her and King Midas ever dated and she was like sweetie he's gay. To which he let out a sigh of relief. She is going to the Buckingham palace in workout clothes at least it's not a sheet. All Hail John Watson, the king is sass. Samara, the bisexual icon. Irene Adler is her ex girlfriend.

Samara just saying she should have just broke it and it would have been less chit chat. She really does have a death wish, doesn't she? And Irene knows it too and annoyed with it. I forgot I made her an ex-sex addict.

She picked pocketed Sam's phone. When Sam uses Sherlock's actual first name, William. Then threatens to call his mother if he doesn't apologize. Irene Adler is dead.

Sherlock's worried about Sam. Sam fell in love with Irene, that was her mistake. She cut her brother's toe off with gardening shears. Sherlock doesn't know if he loves Sam. Never mind he does. Sam knows Irene is not dead. Sam had a rag of chloroform in her pocket, that's a little concerning tbh.

They started dating, Sam and Sherlock did. The tortured Soul reference though. If you don't know tortured soul is my Harry Potter fanfic and Athens is main character. When her brother calls her and says their parents wear assassinated. Irene Adler was sleeping in Sherlock's room. Irene pissed off Sam so she went to the gym and went Sherlock followed her he scared the shit out of her and she pinned him down.

Samara insulting Mycroft. Sam is pissed that Irene she's not even using her name she just saying Miss Adler. And Irene's just in shock everyone's in shock about how mad she is. Irene was under the command of James, her brother when she was with her. Irene admitted that she loved her but Samara said that she just realized that she never loved her and that she was a fill-in for Sherlock.

Irene Adler is dead. Her brother is calling her. She just has to go to the house to pick up some old photos of her and Sherlock that she hid underneath the floorboards. The moment she sees her brother she slaps him and don't blame her though. They're going to burn down the house that they were abused in because FUCK their father. And she is trying not to have a sibling bonding moment. And he just said shut up and listen. James was the one to put the hit out on them.

Sherlock planned romantic evening for him and Sam. So she gets a text from the American White House and then from her brother. She was a witness against her brother. Sherlock's in contempt for showing off.

James was found not guilty. Sam calling him out on his bullshit about the computer code. She is the queen of all hackers she would know if that code existed it doesn't. Assassins that Sam don't know are moving in around her and she doesn't like it. Penelope Garcia. So fun fact, there were two shows that I was debating for her to go to during the time Sherlock was in hiding taking down morarities web and one of them was NCIS LA and the one I actually went for was criminal minds cuz I thought about NCIS LA because of the fact I could explore her disguises and undercover identities but I decided with criminal minds and the FBI BAU because I just thought it would be better for her.

She just said his real first name again, he's in trouble. Breadcrumbs. The American President is offering her to work for the FBI for two year and then she'll be pardoned in America.

During the raid on Adlestone someone Chloroformed Samara and cut her wrists. She woke up in the hospital and she walked out of there. Just to see her brother's face in a cab. When Sherlock asked Sam if she 100 percent sure positive that she believes in him. I love that she just look at him and goes "Bloody hell, I am. You've been doing this longer than you have known me, Sherlock. Of course, I am sure." And I love that.

That's a good point. Does it count if they don't say his actual first name? She really just jumped out the window, didn't she? (Kitty Riley)-They won't hurt you infront of witnesses, Richard. (Samara)-Bet (Sherlock and John)- Sam no!| When she has her brother birth certificate to prove his existince. He just realized the fall wasn't a metaphor for anything. Sam just told Mycoft the key code isn't real and just realized how much he fucked up.

Sam knows something is up with Sherlock. He's on the rooftop. Sherlock is dead. Sherlock told her to accept the offer so she did. Greg is a good friend.

Hello FBI BAU. Penelope Garcia, her old friend. Fun facts, she's the one who taught Garcia how to hack, well at least in the store she did. She started deducing them already. Irene Adler. The team doesn't know she faked her death for a period of time. CIA agent Nielsen. The assassin after is the golem and the reason Irene went after her specifically is so she could get the golem off her back. And James may have a twin Richard Brooke.

Why wouldn't you do an autopsy on the criminal that almost beat Sherlock Holmes. She got her to give up the flash drive though. She just found out Sherlock saved Irene.

Sherlock os back from the dead. When they got to her apartment they has sex. Her last night in the US she played the piano for the team.

She is back in London. The people waiting for her at the airport is Sherlock, John and an old face she hasn't seen in a long time, Rose. But she's introduced as Mary. It's weird to see Sherlock flirt. Before he's so Samara at the FBI field office he didn't deduce anyone because he was so focused on seeing Sam again. They both just said no to a case. Sam was like not till Sherlock's done eating. Then Sherlock was like come back tomorrow we have plans today. They had a cute date night.

Samara and Mary AKA Rose are meeting for lunch. A.G.R.A. Sam just found out the whole team's dead. And she's Mary's maid of honor. Mary and John are taking bets on a Samara going to propose to Sherlock or is Sherlock going to propose to Samara. Telegrams. Sherlock's emotional part to his speech. Now to the funny stories. Samara really nailed it on the dot didn't she?

The major was stabbed and locked himself in his room. Sam and Sherlock are talking about their future.

A month after the wedding, Sherlock is found in a drug house. She walks into the hospital saying his full name, William Sherlock Scott Holmes. Charles Augustus Magnussen. I love Mycroft calling Samara out saying stop with that look and then her saying what luck and then him replying the look that says I know something you don't because it's connected to my past but I'm not going to reveal the until it's time. Her brother would be jealous of how Sherlock describes this criminal. Time for Samara to act like Queenie. He threatens Sherlock, she threatens his sister and his niece.

Charles is scared of Queenie. Sherlock just got shot by Mary. Samara ripped into Mary for for shooting her best friend. Sherlock knows that if Mary kills him Sam will kill Mary.

Sam admitted to being a big part of the lie. Sam explained that she is the reason Mary got in to his office. When Sam threatens every single assassin that if they even touch a member of the Holmes family they will be tortured. Then Sam admits psycho runs in the family. Sherlock just killed Charles Magnussen. Before getting on the plane, Sherlock asked Sam to move on from him. Then countrywide video of her brother saying did you miss me.

Mycroft pulled Sherlock from The deadly mission. Samara told John about Irene Adler while she was in America and Richard Brooke. Sam and Sherlock are going to be godparents. Sam just put Sherlock's phone in her bra to get him to stop texting. And they babysit baby Watson it's adorable. The Charlie Welsborough case. And something just caught Sherlock's attention.

Time for her to go to a payphone. On the other line was Ajay, cleaning Rose betrayed them. She's going to go talk to Rose. Sam had Mary tell her exactly how it played out. Now she has to talk to Ajay again.

John replaced himself with a balloon I always find that bit funny. I always find this episode funny because he goes on to lie to the sky saying that his wife's a spot and she's working for James and the just to find out she willing left him. I feel like it's all so proof that Sherlock Holmes has a sense of humor. Sherlock now knows that the bust breaking has something to do with A.G.R.A. Why is Garcia's ex calling her? He's warning her, saying she's in danger. James is alive. Her brother is alive.

Sherlock knows he's alive now, and so does Mary and John. Sherlock just found out A.G.R.A. is an organization of multiple people not just Mary's initials. He asked her to go back to the flat. Penelope Garcia now knows that Sam's brother had her ex-boyfriend at gunpoint. And Garcia just told Sam that Irene Adler is dead. Morocco. Mary forgot that Sam put tracking devices in the USBs. Queenie was A.G.R.A.s biggest secret. John just said Sam's main priority is keeping Sherlock alive. Sam is like a mother and she would be an awesome mother. Cuz she just made Ajay in the middle of pointing a gun at Mary made him give it up and threatened to smack him in the backside of the head.

Old habits die hard? I forgot I wrote that part. They really didn't think she was going to investigate Ammo? To the aquarium we go. Queenie is considered a reliable killer. Sam just pushed Sherlock out of the way of a bullet, hitting her. However, she's laughing because her jacket is made out of Kevlar. Sherlock still me to go to the hospital though.

Sherlock is going to propose. Sam suspect something and it's driving her crazy. She said yes.

She's telling her team that was back in America and about her brother they seem to be happy about the marriage but concerned about James. John convinced them to at least have a small wedding.

Sherlock was in a coma.That's my filling for the culverton Smith episode. Sherlock's secret sister. She hacked the British government to find out where Sherlock's sister was being held. The motion sensor bomb drone.

They broke into the facility, Sherlock didn't want Samara to go but Samara didn't give him a choice. Mycroft and Sam have such a brother sister relationship. And the facility has been compromised. The little girl in the plane. James praised her hacking skill to Sherlock's sister. And we are left on that scene where John's about to kill the governor.

John couldn't do it and hand it off to Sam. Sam took it without hesitation, apologized then shot him. The three are shook. Back to little girl. Sam has had enough of Mycroft's sass. Back to little girl after going into a room with only a computer. Oh shit Sam's pregnant.

Sam was knocked out before she got into the other room. And woke up in a different room without anyone else in there, well except her brother and Sebastian Moran. And Sebastian turns out to be an old fling. After her brother left, she was tortured and then knocked out. She woke up in the hospital. Samara had a miscarriage. Which led to a serious talk about them having kids in the future.

It's time for the wedding chapter. Her maid of honor is Mary. Her bridesmaids are Garcia and JJ. Sherlock's best man is John. His groomsman are Greg and his brother. Right now she's picking everyone up from the airport. The team is finding out about Sherlock's secret sister and that she was pregnant and then had a miscarriage. The vows are so sweet, they're officially married now.

He is so sweet. Sherlock can't cook and I find that funny. James has made an appearance in the flat. Lestrade came with a case. The bodies said "For Queenie" on them and you didn't want to tell Queenie.

She's confronting her crazy fan. He revealed the Oracle is alive. Oracle is the first person she ever killed it was in self-defense, but still. She's going to attempt to recruit her brother to keep on her side. James agreed to be on her side.

Samara is pregnant again. Sherlock is shook but happy. Mycroft has decided that the child will be spoiled. Greg has a thing for Mycroft. And James just found that she's pregnant.

The first ultrasound. The person claiming to be the oracle, his daughter. She didn't know how bad of a person her father was, harming 38 women.

The final chapter, it's a girl. Sacora Faith Holmes. I remember when I came up with that name for the kid, I was actually and study hall of my junior year of high school and I had everything planned out for the story in a notebook and that's what I would do during study hall. She has blue eyes. Her first word was crime scene. In the end Rosie and Sacora end up dating.

Overall, it is probably one of my better stories. I do notice in these stories I did forget to put a trigger warning. So my final rating is 9/10, took a point out for missing a trigger warning.

[girlbookwrm]

It’s here! At last!  THE MIGHTY PRE ENDGAME REWATCH CONTINUES, WITH:

AKA IS IT MY BIRTHDAY? YES. YES IT IS.

(or it was at any rate, it took me Some Time to get this all typed up because holy fuck it’s long. looks like i’ve got Some Feelings about The Winter Soldier. WHO KNEW)

ANYWAY, if you’re wondering what the hell this is all about i’ve been rewatching all the marvel movies (and commentating on them) in preparation for Avengers: Endgame and NOW IT IS TIME FOR MY FAVORITE ONE

I got @goteamwin​ and @pegasuschick​ here IT’S A PARTY! WE GOT COOL RANCH DORITOS AND BRAINWASHED SUPERSOLDIERS LET’S DO THIS.

Day 912: i still miss the old marvel logo

LISTEN THIS IS THE BEST OPENING SCENE IN MARVEL HISTORY FIGHT ME.

“~on your left ;)~” honestly? iconic.

God Bless Steven Grant Rogers and his Smedium Shirts.

Steve, known bisexual disaster, is hitting on Sam here. this isn’t even in question, right? Sam’s quip about “making me look good to the girl at the front desk” was a soft rejection and Steve takes it like a champ.

Important to note: the black widow uses emojis in her text messages. 

Also important to note: Sam Wilson hits on the Black Widow because he flies into combat at 100 miles per hour wearing a tee-shirt and dad jeans he fears nothing not even death itself

also also important to note that The Roommate went to see this movie by herself, low key cosplaying as Fem!Cap. she did this in part because I had gone to see it first (i was in the UK at the time, and it came out over there before it came out in the US. ~IRONY~) and as soon as I got back from seeing it (i had low-key cosplayed as fem!Hawkeye. it’s a long story) I emailed her and was like O HAI U SEEN DIS? U WILL LIKE IT. ~and she dii-iiiiiid.~

every time i see this scene now, i hear that bit from the gag real.

cevans: Kill the engines. wait for instructions. *whining and stamping his foot* cuz i’m in chaaaaaaaarge.

Being asked about your dating life and then immediately jumping out of an airplane is a Big Mood

I would like us all to appreciate that steve put a nice matte stealth finish on his patriotic dinner plate, special for this mission. 

Also, we’re all agreed that Steve kills at pool, yeah? Give me Steve being a pool shark at the local watering hole plz n thank.

Steve: *punches a guy through the shield*

The Roommate: but why does he punch that guy through the shield?

Me, having a Terrible Thought: Maybe one time he accidentally punched through a guy’s face and ever since then he uses the shield as, like, a buffer when he wants to take people alive.

The Gal Pal: WOW. YOU WENT THERE.

parkour!

~Hey Sailor ;)~

that one guy working for Batroc really needs to lay off the steroids, or whatever is giving him this Unnecessary Rage. You know the guy I mean.

love how batroc is jchilling and then WHAM! IT IS I! AMERICA!

ON! VA! VOIR!

did he learn this from Dernier? he learned this from Dernier.

The Gal Pal: that is a ridiculously huge flash drive

Me, Just Now: overcompensate much?

Nat’s little eyeroll after Steve says “you’re damn right”

The Roommate: Nat is So Tired of Steve’s Drama™. And now she’s going to have to deal with his cold shoulder the whole flight back, and she’s going to have no one to talk to but Rumlow and uggghhhhhh

Steve comes into Fury's office and Damn. Dat Ass.

The Roommate: They know what they're doing here.

eyyyyyy tony’s in this movie (kinda)

I love that Steve just like, drives around with the shield on his back. 

Enter The Smithsonian.

The Roommate: I! LOVE! THIS! SO! MUUUUUUCH!!!

Me: Gee sure would be nice to be able to go to a smithsonian right now.

*american sobbing intensifies*

The Roommate: what is the timeline here? does he come straight back from the mission into yelling at fury? and then straight here?? Is Steve just like “oop time to go look at my old stuff and Emote”? Is this his routine??

buckyyyyyyyyyyy

listen yall know the extent of my BuckRogers feels but every time they pull out that compass i develop a terrible case of The Steggies.

“It’s just not the same” ha ha kill me.

~So Dramatic ;)~

“Steve?” HA HA HA KILL ME

Fury’s Computer:

At This Juncture The Commentators Would Like It Noted That It Has Been 23 Solid Minutes of Stuff We 1000% L O V E and everyone’s favorite brainwashee has not even appeared yet.

but he’s coming

s o o n

Also, we all hate Alexander Pierce but he is a great villain and also Robert Redford might be an older fella but he can definitely still get it heyooo

Steve is so awkward here. But like, imagine him actually going to one of these VA things, like everyone’s all “ied this, helicopter that” and steve’s just like “so one time in ‘44 i punched my way into a panzer”

The Roommate, Who Is Sometimes More Evil Than Me: ~NOW IS AN EXCELLENT TIME TO REMEMBER THAT RILEY WASN’T IN A PLAAAAAANE~

at this moment, the DC driving types lost their goddamn minds.

“WHAT IS THIS? WHERE IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE? WHERE, IN WASHINGTION, THE DISTRICT OF GODDAMN COLUMBIA, IS THERE THIS LITTLE TRAFFIC, HUH??”

“You wanna see my lease?” i c o n i c. 

Did you know that SLJ was an actual Black Panther? I did not know this, but as soon as the Gal Pal told me, i was like “oh yeah that checks out.”

meanwhile, the couch based road rage continued all around me.

“This part of DC ~DOES NOT EXIIIIIIIIIIIIST~”

“Traffic alert? on the Roosevelt Bridge? Yeah in other news WATER IS WET.”

“wait is he getting on 66? ARE YOU GETTING ON 66?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???”

“Have you ever even been on 495?????”

HE’S HERE!!!

just like, damn gurl, u make that highway ur catwalk. 

Me: What the hell kind of laser pointer do you have there, Nick?

The Gal Pal & The Roommate: It’s A Lightsaber.

The Roommate: So is this just like? An Average Day In The Life Of Captain Rogers? Get up, go for a run, annoy a veteran, fly to the other side of the world, kick ass, fly home, talk back to a superior officer, drop my priceless shield off at home, go emote at a smithsonian exhibit, have my heart ripped out by my nonagenarian ex, go flirt with annoy a veteran (part two, now with added Feelings™) go home, get rejected by my neighbor, CHASE A FUGITIVE.

JUST ANOTHER DAY! IN THE LIFE OF STEVEN GRANT ROGERS!!

honestly his neighbors must hate him

that’s why Sharon’s his neighbor, everyone else LEFT.

The Biggest Flash Drive

Let’s Not Forget, that because she is undercover as a nurse, Sharon probably just kicked that door down with crocs.

YOU’RE WELCOME

let’s appreciate that the Soldier’s theme music is just SCREAMING and also you should know that every time it comes on, the Gal Pal and I start SCREAMING. not, like, in an “oh we’re excited” way, just, like, the way you sing along to the theme song of your favorite TV show, you know?

PARKOUR!

The Roommate: good job with your eyeliner there, buddy. You Did Your Best.

The Gal Pal: That Is Dupont Circle and Steve is Extremely Gay. 

(yes, we know he’s bi.)

Natasha really should know better than to believe that Nick is dead.

THAT IS THE WORST PLACE TO HIDE THE FLASH DRIVE

The Gal Pal: genuinely, it’s such a bad hiding place it stresses me out.

The Roommate: Yeah, what was he thinking? I mean, was his logic just that no one likes that gross bubblegum?

Me: UM WHAT?

The Gal Pal: EXCUSE YOU THAT IS BUBBLE YUM.

The Roommate: ... yeah but it’s the gross bubblegum flavor?

At this point we lost a few minutes to divide into Pro and Anti Bubblegum Camps and then had to run the movie back because we missed:

~Neighbor ;)~

i c o n i c

The Roommate: Sir. Stop Having That Face. That is Illegal.

(she is having A Difficulty. The Difficulty is cevans’ jawline)

But seriously: What actually happens in this scene? We are all Steve and we all want to punch our way out of this confusing conversation.

God that face/those tits/that ass tho

Young Man. You Stop That.

THE ELEVATOR SCENE. I mean how many movies can say that some of their best scenes happen in an elevator? That alone is a real accomplishment.

They’re all ~soooo casual~ and then there’s rollins, who isn’t even trying. “records.” These WWE wrestlers are not going to records, come on.

at this point we stopped commentating except in inarticulate whoops of delight and shrieks of glee. except for one brief aside

Me: This scene is so sexy, but like, not in a sexy way? Like, the fighting style isn’t that “oooo I’m fighting in a sexy way” it’s just, it’s so...!

The Roommate: Primal?

and I regret to inform you all that yes, she is 100% Correct, it is indeed sexy in a primal way.

“whoa big guy”

i just.

that’s all i got on that

tiny turtle of freedom

we had the subtitles on, and it just says “woman screams” Screams in what? JOY? 

It’s raining men! Hallelujah!

“Stand down, Captain Rogers! Stand! Down!

Captain Rogers: *accelerates*

They’re being made to watch social media so what I want to know is which poor SHIELD guy got stuck monitoring tumblr?

“oh we’re getting all kinds of hits but uhhhhhhhhh they’re not......... pertinent..............”

why doesn’t The Biggest Flash Drive have a cap? it is now full of crumbs. it’s full of crumbs, guys. if it’s going to be that big it should at least be one of those cool slider ones.

“Are you calling for my resignation? do you know who i am? Bitch I Am Robert Redford.”

Apple Store Aaron. “hey guys why’s your flash drive so big??”

“yeeeah. we’re getting married.”

Honeymoon destinations -- where are you going?

Steve: (without thinking, reads the first thing he sees) New Jersey

Steve: *dies a little inside*

Steve: *forgive me bucky for i have sinned*

I love that they’re coming out and Steve is 100% tactical brain and then Nat’s just like “put your arm around me and laugh” and when it works Steve just looks back over his shoulder like:

oh my god it worked???

sPyING is WitCHCraFT?????

“was that your first kiss since 1945?”

“That was not my first kiss since 1945,” said Steven Grant Rogers, Who Is Definitely Lying, and Furthermore, Is Fooling Exactly No One.

Sidenote: Ship and let ship, obviously and always, but I love Steve and Nat as BROS too much to ever see them romantically, The Bromance Is Strong With Them.

it’s been said before, but it’s worth saying again

Steve: kind of hard to find someone with shared life experience.

Bucky, ten minutes later, wearing bondage gear: HELLO IT IS I

SKINNY STEVE!

of course he memorized the army regulations.

Listen. The cell phone trick Bugs Me™ and the only thing that lets me get through it is the idea that they cleverly cut around natasha standing there for 40 minutes trying out every possible permutation of those numbers, with possible duplications.

I like the idea that Computer!Zola has been building this little fanvideo since the mid-seventies and he’s just! so excited! to show it to someone!

Steve punching the screen is another Big Mood.

“even captain america and the black widow can’t survive a missile Directly To The Face” BITCH U THOUGHT

it’s nice that they give bucko a kirk light here

~u want some milk? ;)~

honestly, what the fuck even is that line.

they made Robert Redford say that line.

what does it mean

YOUNG MAN! THAT IS! ILLEGAL!

altho tbh i want a slightly grubby Steve in a tank top to give me a pep talk, like, every day. that would be fine.

The Gal Pal, A Curly Haired Individual: hhhhhhhow did Natasha straighten her hair. This makes me So Angry.

Me: I mean, I like to imagine her with Sam’s Iron and ironing board, just like *mimes frantically ironing hair with a Very Soviet Expression*

Fort Meade is the best scene that isn’t in the movie.

Aw Gary Shandling’s here. Awwwww Gary Shandling...

Sam, are you intimidating this guy or flirting with him?

To Those who remember the Potato/Gremlin Scale, I propose a third option, a kind of venn diagram situation going on, where the third option is Fey Creature. Sam is neither Potato nor gremlin, but he might be a Fey Creature.

God I love this scene.

LOOK AT SAM HERE: No armor, no flightsuit, no fucking knee pads no goddamn helmet just Casual Dad Falcon, Suns Out Guns Out.

Steve: What the fuck’s an SAT.

he’s coming.

*SCREAMING*

he’s here.

is it murder or is he modeling?? “you got this Soldier, make ‘em wait for it... Boom.”

this is the greatest fight scene of all time, honestly. This and then the fight scene in the first RDJ holmes movie are the Only fight scenes i can even remotely stand to watch. Except maybe some of the bending battles in ATLA. but this scene. this is top of the list. it’s just. *kissy chef fingers*

Soldier strolling along not firing his weapon because he has no shot and he is a Child of the Depression who don’t waste no bullets.

only loses his cool when Widow Breaks his stuff.

Sam Wilson: Brings a pocket knife to an automatic rifle fight and wins.

“go, I got this!”

aw yeah you do

THAT STRUT™

Soldier strolling along the street. so bored. could be home watching project runway.

That thing Soldier does with the arm Does Things to me for reasons that I choose not to examine too closely

ANYWAY WE DON’T HAVE TIME TO UNPACK ALL OF THAT.

“who the hell is bucky” wow there Soldier you went from Full Russian to American Accented English awfully quick I Wonder Why

Soldier’s reaction to confusion is to Immediately Shoot and honestly that’s a Big Mood.

We are all agreed that the only reason SHIELD succeeds in taking Steve in is because

look at that face

steve’s not here right now, please leave a message.

More DC Area Rage: “WHERE IS THIS DAM? WHERE??”

natasha y r u surprised that Fury is alive?

oh noooooooooooo it’s time for this scene

OHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOO

Robert Redford to James Buchanan Barnes: You are a literal treasure.

OH NO OH NO OH NO

The Roommate: yeahhhhh this was maybe an. inappropriate scene for me to have to see in a theater. alone.

I love that while they’re making this ridiculous plan (yeah it’s ridiculous, i don’t care) Fury has to check in with Sam (WHO HE HAS LITERALLY NEVER MET BEFORE) presumably to just touch base and be like “Is this White Nonsense™?”

spoiler alert it is not White Nonsense™, but it definitely is Extra™

DAT JAWLINE THO. of course he’s giving the orders, LOOK AT THAT JAWLINE

LIL STEEB!

I’m with you to the end of the line.

what kind of marriage vow nonsense is that

jesus.

anyway, Sam comes in like: IT IS I! YOUR BEST FRIEND! YOUR BEST FRIEND IS ME NOW!

poooterrrr!!

This is the second secure government facility that they have broken into. Possibly the third, depending whether you count the bunker.

Dem Asses. Seriously. Everyone in this shot has an enviable ass. *distinguished golf clapping* bravo

“~Excuse us~” i c o n i c

God, Steve gives this speech and then we get sam’s reaction and you can physically see him having a sexual identity crisis and honestly BIG MOOD THERE, SAM

I have questions about the effect of this on the potomac river which has already had a hard enough time and does not deserve this Supervillain Nonsense.

you are ON FOOT steven. it is a FLYING AIRCRAFT CARRIER and you are ON! FOOT!

i’m so mad that it works too

mad, but like, also turned on. duh.

what’s cap’s true superpower? DRAMA

The saddest thing in this movie is that Jenny Agutter is Scarlet Johansson

don’t get me wrong, i like scarjo but this movie would’ve been even better if it wasn’t the black widow and was just a badass old british lady.

The Roommate: Sam’s superpower is that he’s the sane one.

Me: He flies into combat at 100 miles per hour with a jet pack and a tee shirt he is not the sane one.

The Roommate: Sam’s superpower is that he’s the emotionally balanced one?

Me: given the aforementioned armorless airborne combat situation that is highly fucking debatable my dude.

*SCREAMING*

HE’S HERE

let’s appreciate that Bucky is definitely flying this quinjet with a dead guy that he just murdered as his copilot.

i don’t know why that is so badass to me but it is

again, we don’t have time to unpack all of that, moving on.

Nick Fury: BITCH YOU THOUGHT

sidenote: i’m gonna really enjoy coming back to this movie after Captain Marvel. I can just feel it.

Maria is so casual about this. And that is an extremely sexy thing. I’m not sorry.

“Hey Sam, I’m gonna need a ride.”

Sam is still learning Rogersese and does not know that this means “I ALREADY DID THE STUPID THING PLEASE COME GET ME.”

Bucky ripping the wings off a beautiful butterfly

because Sam IS a beautiful butterfly.

except now his knees and legs and ankles are all broken because That’s How Bones Work.

he’s here

lol of course he’s got a knife.

I just love the sounds the arm makes.

butwedon’thavetimetounpackallofthat

the slide Bucky does here, this isn’t combat this is voguing.

Steve fights like the world is his barroom, bucky fights like the world is his catwalk.

“DON’T YOU TALK TO MY DAUGHTER LIKE THAT,” Nicholas J Fury

what’s the found family version of a BroTP? I have that for Dad!Nick and Adopted!Soviet!Assassin!Daughter!Natasha.

found familotp? FFOTP? no, that sounds like some kind of tactical asset. “LAUNCH THE FFOTP”

anyway, get on this tumblr, i want at least 10 options on my desk by monday.

This Extra. He could honestly make a living playing Confederates and Klansmen, you know which extra I mean.

“wHere ahre the tahrgets?”

the targets... is we.

A DC Local Aside: Everyone on 495 is So Tired of this nonsense. I sincerely hope they all remembered to pee before they left work. I hope they have snacks and water in their cars. because they now live on 495.

this shitshow is gonna fuck up our already extremely fucked up traffic patterns for yeeeeaaaaarrrrrssssss

Sam’s a born quipper, so i really like it when he sees the helicarrier coming down and just fucking bolts. NO TIME FOR SASS WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE

“Got a location on Rogers?”

Don’t know where he is, but he’s doing something stupid, i Guarantee It.

“you know me.”

“nNOo I dOn’T!”

Oh Steve. You put that shield down So Often. And you keep having to fucking pick it up a-fucking-gain.

And This Was The Moment When We All Realized That We Were In Trouble.

Big Mood, Bucky. Big Mood.

Sam wasn’t on the approved visitor’s list or anything, he just winked at one (1) nurse and they let him in.

i know just what to say it’ll annoy him so fucking much. “on your left.”

“Why haven’t we heard from Captain Rogers?”

Because he is taking a damn nap.

no but seriously, because if we put him in front of a camera right now, you will get the Talking To of the Century.

*eight hours later, congress is crying, hydra has surrendered, fox news is shutting down, steve rogers is still going strong* “AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON STUDENT DEBT!”

~cool guys don’t look at congressional meltdowns. They drop the mic and they walk away~

IT WAS CLEVELAND, IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING.

THEY FILMED IN CLEVELAND.

(they did film some in DC, obviously, but also cleveland.

*emoting at exhibits intensifies*

*SCREAMING INTENSIFIES*

in sum i have been typing for Too Long and I’m going to hit post so i can Go To Bed but there may need to be Corrections in the morning who tf knows

[thebibliomancer]

50 More Days of Comics! 26/50: Alpha Flight #89 (1990)

This book’s marketing strategy: “HEY ANYONE LIKE THE ORIGINAL GUARDIAN? ANYONE? OKAY DAMMIT WE HAVE A WOLVERINE FOR YOU PLEASE BUY THIS BOOK! oh and Puck is back if that’s what you’re into…”

I know next to nothing about Alpha Flight.

I really should.

They’re the X-Spinoff that doesn’t put an X in the title. Someone on tvtropes was liveblogging it and I picked up a few unfortunate tidbits from that.

Recently Alpha Flight has gone from being my second favorite Canadian super-team to being Captain Marvel’s space team. Or Earth-orbit team. Since I happen to think, BENDIS, that a space team should be in space.

The bits of Alpha Flight I’ve read with them in this role I’ve liked. Although I can’t help but wonder if Carol just bought the team from Canada.

Anyway, I wish I knew more about the iteration of the team that’s in this book because it has the one-two whammy of being both continuity heavy and snapback heavy. Not only is current continuity a big thing, previous continuity is a big thing because its being returned to. Also part three of a four part story.

Which has several ongoing plot lines.

Eesh.

I know I say this a lot but this is what recap technology was designed for.

So in one plot line, Shaman, Talisman, Aurora, and Sasquatch are searching for their missing teammate Puck, who was taken by the self-titled Master of the World.

And, uh, they find him. He’s been given a kind of gross makeover with exposed veins and tentacle fingers. But they found him alright.

Sasquatch immediately suggests mercy killing Puck because I guess that’s what he jumps to but thanks to Aurora’s “cleansing burst of light” Talisman and Shaman are able to mystically touch his mind and discover what happened.

In a flurry of continuity, Puck was apparently a dwarf but then it was retconned that he was a dwarf because his body had a demon sealed inside it because of magic but he was injured by the Dream Queen but was healed through supernatural means but on Earth his body rejected the magic so he was dying but the Master of the World wanted to test the limits of the human form and also get revenge on Alpha Flight so he secretly had Puck injected with a genetic compound made of former Alpha Flight foe Scramble and a blood sample of Puck taken years ago when he was still a dwarf so the compound reshaped Puck into a dwarf again but did a bad job of it.

Phew!

Comics that are attempting to retcon things in always have too much information per panel.

Anyway, since Sasquatch used to be a biochemist he understood all of that and also poked around in the Master’s computers and discovered that the compound is still in Puck’s system. So with a little bit of reprogramming, Puck could be put back to normal but dwarf normal because that’s when the DNA sample was from, not whatever normal he had been recently. Sssssnapback!

Also, the strain of having his body restructured might kill him but Puck says to go for it.

So Puck is thrown into a science tube and Sasquatch lays down some technobabble that basically amounts to ‘hey y’all Puck will be a dwarf again and this will be permanent, swearsies.’

Just as the process is started, the Master of the World bursts in with his Remnant Men and scolds Alpha Flight for coming in without knocking, very rude, now gtfo and stop touching his things (explicitly including Puck in that).

Master (of the World): “I do not see this as a degradation then, but rather the contrary… I see this as a reaffirmation of my faith… Faith in pain.”

I know the Master (of the World) from two places: Carol Danvers shanking him during Kurt Busiek’s Avengers run and his run-in with the new Champions where he was rebuilding the melting glaciers by using human suffering. Or something. It’s a bit unclear.

Anyway, he’s a creepus and he’s sending his creeper army to attack the present Alpha Flighters.

But thankfully, just as they’re getting overwhelmed, Puck bursts healed, naked, and spread legged from the science tube with a convenient splash of censoring water.

Puck: “I’m back, eh? Now let’s make short work of this loser!!”

He gets to make short jokes.

Anyway, that’s the end of this plot thread in this issue but if Puck isn’t kicking the Master’s ass while bareassed in the next issue, comics as a medium have failed forever.

In the second plot thread, Vindicator and Wolverine are trying to track down someone named Wild Child who broke out of jail.

Wolverine manages to track Wild Child down to a run down Roxxon gas station bathroom and squats by the toilet to get some good whiffs (which most be horrible with his enhanced sense of smell) and determines that Gamma Flight was here with Wild Child.

Which presents a problem as Gamma Flight is a team and Wolverine and Vindicator are two people.

Vindicator: “Are we up against all of Gamma Flight?”

Wolverine: “Yup. Gotta give ‘em credit fer stickin’ together through this.”

Vindicator: “Credit? They were formed for all the wrong reasons and disbanded for all the right ones. Oh, what am I getting so upset for? I’m so tired – of everything… Why has this team become such a mess? Why am I doing all of this?”

But Wolverine believes in the him that believes in her, or something, and they continue on. At the very least, punching some people will be cathartic. Which I believe is at least 50% of how superheroes work.

Four hours later, they track Gamma Flight down to an abandoned factory. Wolverine immediately leaps into an ambush that he probably suspects is an ambush to force the issue and maybe as an application to the Teen Titans who never met a trap they didn’t waltz into.

Anyway, things get chaotic and incomprehensible for a bit, befitting an ambush. But Team Wolverine and Vindicator Is There Too handle the ambush with something resembling aplomb and when its over Gamma Flight lines up in a row so we can get a team shot and their leader Nemesis (who looks like a Lady Deadpool with a cape) monologues.

Nemesis: “Hello, Vindicator… Wolverine… What is it exactly that you’re looking for besides your own funeral? I hope it’s not Wild Child. I hope you don’t expect us to give him up after all the trouble we went through breaking him out of prison. Because if that’s the case then you’re going to have to answer to us. GAMMA FLIGHT – protects their own!”

Vindicator’s response? “I’m not going to disappoint you, Nemesis. We are here for Wildchild. And we’re going to get him… even if we have to roll over each and every one of you idiots to do it!”

Way to be outnumbered nearly two to one with also aplomb, Vindicator. But as appears to be the trend, if twice is a pattern which it probably is, we don’t get the fight this issue. That’s next issue’s deal.

There’s a loose page that roughly fits into this plot thread. Northstar and Persuasion (a daughter of Purple Man trying to be not a dick like him) are watching their friend Laura in the hospital. Laura was hurt badly by Wild Child which I guess explains why Vindicator is cruising to bruise him.

And Persuasion is sad because not only is her friend hurt but her stupid mind control powers couldn’t do anything to help her only friend.

And Laura is in bad condition. She’s lost a lot of blood and needs a new kidney.

But for arbitrary reasons, even though Laura is O-positive, because she’s a mutant she has weird blood and they need compatible family blood. But Laura sent her only known family, her sister Goblyn, to another dimension. For her own good.

JUST THEN, people claiming to be her parents walk in and ask if they’d be a suitable match. DUN DUN DUN! Dramaaaaaa!

And in tonight’s final plot thread, as the cover promised, the weird return of the original Guardian. His death was apparently one of the earliest big events of the book, happening in issue 12.

So why is he coming back after 77 issues and two in-universe years? God only knows but this is a hard snapback. And this is a hell of a retcon.

They played at bringing Guardian back before. For Reasons, in issues 25-28 per the editorial captions, a robot disguised itself as Guardian and claimed that the explosion that killed him had ripped a hole in time-space and threw Guardian through it. And that he was then saved by aliens and sent back to Earth and had to sleep for ten thousand years during the voyage.

Obviously, this was all a lie.

Samuel Higgins, Roxxon guy: “Ahem. Yes, well. A lie. Hmm. Ahem… well… that crazy story that the robot came up with? About Hudson getting thrust back in time and waking up on Jupiter’s moon – Ganymede – then sleeping cryogenically and getting sent on a spaceship back to Earth? That crazy, whacky, kooky story? Well… it was all true.”

I mean, that’s one way to do it. I wouldn’t personally but it is one way.

Once you start getting into “the lie was a lie!” territory you’ve convoluted a book up fierce. See also: Spider-Man’s Clone Sage 2: This Time Its 90s And Nobody Knows What They’re Doing.

Forge is on scene with Roxxon guy Windshear and Alpha Flighters Box and Diamond Lil and I think Forge puts it best.

Forge: “In this business, death has a habit of making a liar out of the truth.”

Anyway, the not-dead James Hudson aka Guardian is wired up underneath a Roxxon research facility and he’s putting out potent hacking waves that are causing the mechanisms of the facility to go haywire and attack people. And also causing Box to malfunction because he’s a guy in a suit who is a suit. Or something.

I’m not entirely sure. But he fuses with Forge so that Forge can override the hacking and reconfigure the Box suit to overcome Hudson’s various stratagems.

And with enough technobabble, it works! They close in on James Hudson’s cybernetic weirdly crucifix posed nearly naked body.

A lot of beefcake in this comic for people into that.

Box (Madison Jeffries) separates from Forge and attempts to monologue Hudson back to his senses.

Box: “Hudson – Jamie – it’s me – Madison Jeffries – you remember, right? You got me outta the V.A. hospital – told me what had happened in ‘Nam was cool – told me that sometimes things hit the fan and that’s the way it is. Well, I’m here t’tell you the same thing, Jamie.

“Mac – wake up, man! You’re messing things up bigtime here! C’mon – remember who you were – are – ‘member when you recruited me for Department H – I was only in Beta an’ you loved havin’ me hang around – cos’ we had one thing in common – we both loved machines… Guess we both took it sorta to extremes don’tchu think? Well, guess what? We have somethin’ else in common now… maybe we took that to extremes, too…

“Heather. Remember Heather? Yeah. I see your mental imaging. That’s how she looked when you first met her, eh? She looks so young, man… So innocent… beautiful… Uhm… I think I love her, too, now, Mac. She’s a special lady. She never gave up on yer dream when we though you’d died. She kept Alpha Flight goin’ – no matter how rough it got – all ‘cos o’ her faith and belief in your dream, Jamie – in you…”

And being reminded of his wife in short shorts and/or emotional appeal works because Hudson comes out from his stupor and tearfully and droolfully proclaims that he is alive!

Awww. I still don’t know who was clamoring for this character to be returned after so many issues but I’m a sucker for a big in-universe emotional appeal.

Still though. Trying to retcon the book back into shape is not a good environment to attract new readers.

But speaking of sexy Heather, she was drawn with nipple poking through her Vindicator costume in several panels so I’m going to side eye Michael Bair and Mike Manley super hard. It may be a spandex costume but there’s like twelve pounds of circuitry underneath, geez.

Though I guess they also gave the reader Puck lunging crotch first at the reader and Hudson hanging out in only his underwear. So an Attempt Was Made to be fair-handed, I guess?

[zinecuntroll]

3 decades of Queer Women making Herstory through Music

Written for Pink Washed Zine issue #3

by Raquel Silva aka Raquel Smith-Cave

             I turned 30 this year, more precisely last August and it’s also been 12 years since I had my first girlfriend. When I started thinking about my queerness more seriously back in 2005/2006 I quickly realized how it wasn’t that usual for girls to be fascinated by Linda Perry in boxer shorts and combat boots like I was at 5 years old. My mom says 4 Non Blondes “What’s up” was my favorite song back then and she even bought the CD so I could listen to it on repeat and not just wait for the video to magically appear on the TV. Thanks Ma!

              Through my teenage years I had “Baby Can I Hold You” by Tracy Chapman constantly playing in my head. Mind you, I always have a song in my mind and I burst into singing at the most unexpected times, it’s mostly an unconscious act which can be embarrassing in front of people who don’t know me well. Honestly I  don’t care much, it’s just a part of my nature and if I’m not murmuring or humming some melody it usually means there’s something wrong. So at around 15/16 I remember starting to sing the chorus for “But you can say baby…” out of nowhere in school breaks or while walking home. This happened constantly and exactly why my brain was stuck with this melody was a complete mystery to me. Maybe I heard it in passing or on the radio…? I could never find the answer but I did buy Tracy’s self-titled vinyl this year during Record Store Day and discovered it was released exactly 30 years ago. It’s a precious record, her voice is warm and familiar and her guitar is so soothing to the soul. I think I finally answered my teenage self on all that musical haunting.

             Cássia Eller is a Brazilian artist who made the 90s a really wholesome, magical, golden time for every lesbian in love with husky voices. Her hit song “Malandragem” was part of this series called Malhação but I only found out she was the mystical singer behind that iconic childhood tune years after listening to it on the show. She tragically died in 2001 and even after that she still created major impact in society, when her longtime girlfriend won custody of their son, after battling against Cássia’s father who had never cared about his daughter until money was involved. Cássia was a shy person who became a complete lion on stage. Humble and almost too pure to handle the hype. She just wanted to sing to people and exorcise her demons while making others happy. Which she did and so much more. Her legacy is tremendous, as it still resonates with so many of us today and the world hasn’t really witnessed anyone quite as ingenious as her ever since.

               It’s 2007 and I’m watching a live concert in a Portuguese music festival on TV featuring a wild ass singer with the screaming voice of my wildest grrrl dreams. It’s The Gossip! And Beth Ditto is rolling around the stage, singing her lungs out in front of a pretty chill crowd. I wanted to BE THERE. I probably discovered Gossip’s music through CSS who I was obsessed with at the time or probably from watching The L Word. The truth is: the more intrigued I was by the words of this fat, dyke, goddess the more comfortable I felt about my own identity. I was fat for most of my childhood and got bullied for it on a regular basis, just part of being in an all-girls catholic school life I guess. At 13 someone called me “Fufa” which is basically “Dyke” in Portuguese and it was the most traumatic experience ever. Years later I wish I could have thanked the girl who bullied me out of a closet I wasn’t even aware I was in. I don’t believe I was ever in the closet though. Honestly, falling in love with a girl was just as natural as having crushes on boys. It was just another question I had finally found an answer for. Beth Ditto’s pride in her queerness and blatant attraction to butch people while being a proud femme, fat, dyke made me feel represented in a way I hadn’t seen myself before and ok with my own desires. Ditto!

                The first glance of The L Word I watched I didn’t really enjoyed. The image was dark and the plot seemed so tragic. It was Jenny somewhere in the first season. After one year I finally watched the whole 2 or 3 seasons that were out by then. Tegan and Sara play in one episode and are featured in the soundtrack, which I still go back to sometimes to remember really great tunes. What a blessing to have Tegan and Sara guide you through your first acid trip and “coming out of that closet” am I right Dana? (RIP) My love affair with Canadian people started right there with Tegan’s goofiness and Sara’s witty remarks. By 2007 “The Con” came out and became a staple to the LBGTQ+ community. So much so that the band released a special covers album last year, with many queer artists recreating those magnificent songs. In the records that followed their sound was purposefully re directed to more pop melodies which I couldn’t relate to anymore. They did make good use of their huge platform by launching the Tegan and Sara foundation, which fights for LGBTQ girls and women all over the world with the help of some amazing queer people.

                 The other tiny Canadian who owns my heart is Ellen Page. Ever since Juno, my gaydar was just screaming out loud in every direction possible and I’m so happy that she is now able to be herself freely. Just like Juno, my musical top 3 included Patti Smith and Iggy Pop… but not The Runaways. For me it’s actually Nick Cave. I never gave too much attention to The Runaways, though I knew about Joan Jett and her extremely queer badass persona from being a teenager obsessed with punk rock and riot grrrl herstory. Until Kristen Stewart got cast to play Joan for The Runaways movie and I finally listened to their 70s records. I fell in love with Kristen and Dakota’s version of “Dead End Justice” as well as the original. Gaystew was born to play that part. Just last week I saw Bad Reputation, a documentary about Joan’s life with lots of awesome people speaking about how incredible she is, as both a pioneer for women in rock’n roll and an advocate for human and animal rights. At 60 she’s still rocking the fuck out of leather pants, inspiring kids to start bands, making everyone smitten by her confidence and flipping the finger to the all the hypocritical social definitions of gender, sex and music.

                It’s really difficult to write about Janelle Monáe. Not because I don’t have words but mostly because I have too many. Janelle caught my eye and ears with “Tightrope” where she’s prancing around wearing her uniform, as she proudly used to talk about her suit, an homage to her working class parents and Kansas City upbringing. I saw her live at the end of 2010, at a winter festival, where all my other friends went on to watch Sting’s daughter I Blame Coco and I stood front row waiting for Janelle. It was life changing. She danced, jumped, screamed and even painted something into a blank canvas throughout the whole set. Her band was impeccably orchestrated and the show was extremely cinematic, since many of Janelle’s inspirations are from sci-fi movies. Her music is layered and complex just like her personality. Over the years she has been extremely mysterious, one of the things I appreciated the most about her. This year that changed. After much speculation in the media, she said in an interview she’s pansexual, as someone who has had relationships with men and women, that’s how she identifies more comfortably. Above all she’s an artist with a very specific vision and talent, carving the path for Afrofuturism; to create space for black people but especially queer POC to conquer over the systematic racism, lack of opportunities and prejudice in our society. Her new record “Dirty Computer” is the materialization of that evolution, the most “Janelle” album ever. Covering everything from sexual freedom to political issues while using a pop funky beat. Reminiscing one of her heroes, Prince, who became a friend and mentor before passing away in 2016. And all I want for 2019 is to be in the same room as Janelle and take on another voyage dans la lune with all the other androids.

                 Annie Clark has also played around with the idea of being an alien or a cyborg, especially on her self-titled album from 2014. That’s when I saw her live for the time and I had to give into my friend’s obsession with her music. Last year St. Vincent released “Masseduction”, an almost perfect record, in my opinion. The song with the same title is most definitely an anthem for our generation “I can’t turn off what turns me on…” and after a long relationship with model/actress Cara Delevingne or that summer fling with Kristen Stewart, it was clear, Annie is queer. (Pun so intended) While songs like “New York” or “Los Ageless” can be associated to both of those relationships, Annie’s talent as an exquisite guitar player, fearless innovative sounds and unique live shows, have made her the intergalactic rock Goddess of our queer dreams.

                 Widely inspired by Annie Clark is my next musical Queeroe. Mackenzie Scott aka Torres. There’s something about debut albums that I really love and Torres self-titled LP from 2013 is definitely in my top favorites list. It’s really fucking sad music with raw emotion, as you can hear in “Honey”, “Jealousy and I” or “When Winter’s over”. Her second album “Sprinter” showed a very exciting evolution in her sound but it’s “Three Futures” from 2017 that encapsulates Mackenzie’s desire towards experimenting with her sexuality in a more explicit way. As seen in the video for the first single where she takes on gender roles as both feminine and masculine characters who are living the dreadful “American Dream”. Plus the cover picture for that record is her staring at a semi naked woman on a pole, marking 2017 as very gay year for music.      

                Laura Jane Grace’s voice first made waves through my ears because of the collab Against Me! did with Tegan Quin back in 2007 for the single “Borne On The FM Waves Of The Heart”. The song didn’t stick to me that long and although I had heard Against Me! was my kind of band I never took the time to really listen to them. Until 2014, when “Transgender Dysphoria Blues” was released and it rapidly became one of the most important records of my life. I started watching many interviews with Laura Jane about the struggles of coming out as a trans woman in this fucked up world, specifically while being part of the punk scene, where there’s not much space for anything other than toxic masculinity. I related to Laura’s journey and with every single lyrics on “True trans soul rebel” since it felt like the most authentic punk anthem I had heard in a while. I went to their first ever gig in Portugal in 2015 and screamed as much as I could surrounded by my family of misfits, all wearing black and their heart tattoos on their sleeves. I dug into Against Me! discography but other than the single “I was a teenage anarchist” which I already knew, nothing got me hooked as much as “Transgender Dysphoria Blues” did. Laura Jane’s name is very much appropriate, for her Grace is felt through her screams as much as her written words, something I found fascinating while reading her auto biography: “Tranny: Confessions of Punk Rock's Most Infamous Anarchist Sellout”. I loved every page of it, with original diary pieces, she takes us on a wild precious ride from her childhood and family issues to all the drama in the music industry or the tribulations of managing a band in this time and age. There’s really nothing more punk rock than being yourself and Laura Jane does it with so much effortless coolness and Grace.

            I tried not to listen to Courtney Barnett for months. I had seen the hype around her but didn’t feel quite ready to embark in that journey and my queers did I regret it… She played at Primavera Sound Porto in 2015 and I started listening to her on loop only weeks after that. The heartbreaking part is that I was also at that festival. The good part is that she came back in 2016 to another festival in Lisbon and I was there just for her (and Father John Misty). Which felt like the stars had aligned with my musical desires. She’s unapologetically herself but not in the way that you would say so about Cardi B for example. She’s wickedly smart with her words and unexpectedly brutal with her chords, right before she opens her mouth she looks like the sweetest person you will ever meet and after you are transported to her own island, full of genius puns, sarcastic inputs about daily life or the state of the world. My favorite verse is from “Pedestrian at best” and I almost got it tattooed… “Give me all your money and I’ll make some origami honey”. Which to me roughly translates to: Fuck Capitalism! She’s also very open about her long term relationship with her wife and fellow musician Jen Cloher, making them the ultimate indie rock’s queer power couple.

                 2016 was the darkest year of my life. I stopped listening to music for months, stopped sleeping and my panic attacks would strike me even if I was in the middle of a busy street. It was scary to lose myself in such dark thoughts but then one day I listened to Shura’s song “Too shy” and felt like a little bit of me was alive again. Her debut album “Nothing’s real” came out around that time and her lyrics for the title song were exactly what I felt through my depression. In this song she is writing about her own experience with a panic attack that makes you feel like dying. And they do. “Too Shy” is a beautiful tune about unrequited love because you are simply too fucking shy to ever go for it and ask your crush on a date. Being shy and anxious almost always go hand in hand, as an awkward, quiet, weird introvert myself, discovering Shura’s songs and story gave me hope and made me gather the lost pieces of my own identity, leaving all the pain, shame and constant anxiety behind. Music really is medicine for the soul.

                 Julien Baker also has one of the best debut albums I’ve ever heard. Personally, it’s very special because it marks the beginning of my current relationship, as my girlfriend surprised me with Julien’s “Sprained Ankle” vinyl just weeks after we started dating. That vinyl did not leave my record player for the last months of 2016 and whenever I listen to it now, I am instantly transported to that moment in time. I was finally getting back on my feet and everything was falling into place, Julien’s gigantic voice echoed my natural melancholy, embracing my demons with a new found strength.  I’ve seen her twice, both times a very out of body experience and had the pleasure to let her know how much her music has helped me. We hugged, talked and she even has the zine I make (CuntRoll) in her living room table because she likes it so much. She is someone I could definitely see myself hanging out in my group of friends and that’s what I love the most about this new generation of artists, who aren’t trying to be something they’re not for the sake of money or exposure. They embrace who they are and let the world decide if they wanna take it or leave it. And that’s exactly what we need right now, to accept and embrace people for who they are and the art they make. So we can all to the same in our own lives.

                 “Yeah I’ve got it I’m a man now…” are the verses that got stuck with me for weeks after listening to Christine and The Queens single “iT”. Yes, the capital T is on purpose as it represents testosterone, the hormone used by many Trans AFAB people to start the process of becoming more themselves. This androgynous handsome French creature original name is Heloise and since her worldwide success with her first record “Chaleur Humaine” she has shredded so many stereotypes through her music, her dancing and her style. I hate comparing artists but some people call her “ the French Michael Jackson” for a reason. My chin dropped while watching her cover for Beyonce’s “Sorry” which she transformed into her own song like it’s nobody’s business (please go watch it asap). This year she blessed as with her second LP just called “Chris” inviting the world to be a little bit closer to her. Chris is her nickname and presents us with a new image for Heloise, embracing her masculine vibe more than ever before, with short hair, loose clothing and talking proudly about queer issues in many interviews. The video for the single “5 dollars” is the epitome of gender fucking and the reason why I am even gayer now tbh.  (You should watch that also!) The future is genderqueer.

                 I stayed away from the hype of “Girls like Girls” back in 2015 because I’m mostly suspicious of pop artists using gay stories to go with the trend of pink washing, ie Katy Perry “I kissed a girl” is a fucking jam but also really fucking problematic, coming from a cis het white female who has no idea the struggles of being queer. Hayley Kiyoko is most definitely not one of those artists though, as she has slowly but certainly become the Lesbian Jesus we’ve all been praying for. With “Curious” she let us know there’s a new fucking boss in town and she’s so fucking gay. What a time to be alive, 20gayteen is real and we are here to witness it all. Hayley’s not the greatest singer in the world, but she uses the best of her skills to give voice to all the kids who struggled with feeling alienated because they couldn’t fit in anywhere. She creates videos which are more like short stories, where she not only acts, but also writes and directs with her own team, never compromising her vision to tell the stories she wants to tell. Stories that resonate with so many queer people and we all know how important representation is, especially coming from an authentic source. To have such a person in the mainstream is what Tegan and Sara were thriving for a few years ago but the result wasn’t very genuine, something that doesn’t happen with Hayley’s songs. Her album “Expectations” doesn’t have big hits, other than “Feelings and “Curious” but it’s the debut album of someone with a huge potential and vision to take up the space for ourselves to tell our own stories and no one else.

                Linn Da Quebrada is the musical Goddess of the moment. Eloquent, inspiring, caustic, no one is left indifferent after listening to her. And that's exactly what she wants, to leave us on our tiptoes waiting to be carried away by words of pleasure, empowerment, trans feminism and especially so much self-love. Each verse is a lyrical genius clapback in the face of this transphobic, sexist and racist society. Prejudices that kill so many queer people of color in Brazil every year. Her existence is transforming, rewriting the HERSTORY of the world and of her country, through the re-appropriation of funk, where SHE finally gets to be the protagonist of her own story and that courage surpasses linguistic or cultural barriers. In 2017 she released her first album “Pajubá” after a very successful crowdfunding campaign and also has her own documentary called “Bixa Travesty” which has gathered accolades through many film festivals around the world. The song “Bixa Preta” is a fucking iconic anthem for 20gayteen and for all of my maricones family out in the world fighting everyday for our existence to be respected.

We will NEVER be erased.

[yesokayiknow]

What powers do you think the characters in the arrowverse who don't have powers in canon would have?

oh!!!!!

ok so there’s a lot of characters in the arrowverse so i’ll try to stick to main/important ones?? (though please tell me if forget someone?)

arrow

oliver - hm. invisibility?? it’d be pretty useful in his line of work

felicity - c y b e r p a t h. the fact that she hasn’t already found a way to permanently live in a computer is honestly surprising tbh and also now i want a midseason finale where the cliffhanger is that like an alt felicity just appears out of the arrowcave computers

digg - i think like. so not invisibility but like? sort of like? makes himself forgettable?? it just bugs me a lot that he didn’t wear a mask for ages and even now he has a mask you can still basically see through it so just like the ability to make ppl forget what he looks like

laurel - okay so obviously laurel deserved the canary cry more than anything, but if not that? i’d go with healing, with a very specific sort of empathy on the side i.e. she can heal people, but only by taking their pain as her own, bc is there anything more laurel lance than that

thea - i’d just go with whatever oliver’s got tbh. thea does like to do anything he does but better. also thea with invisibility?? oh Boy. an absolute terror. sara would be so proud

roy - i guess just let him keep the mirakuru enhancements?? so super strength healing speed reflexes etc but like. without the dangerous thinking patterns?? just let him be able to punch stuff

curtis - he based his superhero persona of a wrestler so? super strength? i guess?? he’d probably still keep getting his ass kicked a lot at the start bc he wouldn’t really know how to fight properly (sorry curtis!) but he’d quickly adapt

rene - super healing. he just. he gets hurt so much. please. i just want him to be healthy

tommy - i always thought it was kind of a cop out that merlyn’s league name is the magician but he doesn’t have any actual magic so. both merlyns w magic y/y? (tommy likes to pull flowers out of the air to make laurel smile)

nyssa - i guess the most plausible way for her to have powers is through the lazarus pit so longevity?? quicker healing?? nigh uncontrollable rage??

flash

iris - i mean really i don’t think we can get better than flash!iris, and i love my meta!iris who has poison ivy powers, but if it was something totally new? the ability to tell when people are lying to her. do i even need to explain why

joe - give! joe! a! forcefield! let him protect his kids please that’s all he wants

harry - i think the thing he needs most is empathy? god knows it’s hard enough to read emotions as it is without dealing with the ridiculous level of repression in star labs

hr - it’s gotta be shapeshifting yeah?

lisa - just. comic canon powers. is there anything i can come up w that’s better than an astral form that can fly and speed run and cut people w ribbon like tendrils???

hartley - you know what? also just comic canon powers. let the boi manipulate sound and hypnotise people

linda - really she should have the same powers as dr light but if not then i feel like linda w super strength would be hilarious

eddie - i tend to hc meta!eddie as having healing powers tbh but i guess since he’s related to eobard then he could be a speedster too???? that’d be so cool??????

legends

sara - well. immortality y/y?? sara getting brought back from the dead except whoops it’s kind of permanent aka the jack harkness way. if not that then that thing that hela and loki can do where they pull blades out of thin air

ray - hm. teleportation i think. that way he could never be too late to save someone bc he could just teleport straight to them

rip - just let him personally time travel ok please we’ve had 3 seasons of lot and they haven’t done a time traveller’s wife plot yet wyd writers

ava - obviously she’d want to be able to shapeshift but yo what if she could like?? connect to the other clones in some way??? like a background telepathic hivemind??? like dude

len - i mean cryokinesis obvs but if not i’d love if him getting blown up by the oculus gave him like? the ability to see different timelines and stuff?? would be p cool??

mick - pyrokinesis obvs but that being said?? some form of telepathy??? mick’s mostly non verbal and the legends (but mostly sara and ray) have slowly started to slowly learn how to read his communications so like! being able to form mild telepathic impressions on ppl and pick up surface level thoughts would be! yeah! v helpful!

gary - can he just learn some real magic from his bf please

gideon: i mean technically she doesn’t have powers so like. i kind of want an ep where she accidentally gets a body and it’s ridiculously overpowered just bc i think she deserves the chance to kick some ass and also it would be hilarious

supergirl

alex - i honestly have no idea what you could give to alex to make her more terrifying tbh. although. shadow manipulation might uh. do the trick

winn - i think like?? phasing?? he just. he gets kidnapped a lot he Deserves to be able to phase through the ropes

james - considering his suit, i think magnetism? also come on he’s been in the shadows of the els for so long let him be able to stop bullets too

cat - obviously there’s already 1 or 2 telepaths on the team but like. imagine cat grant with telepathy

lucy - superwomansuperwomansuperwomansuperwomansuperwoman

lena - if she could choose a power it would be shapeshifting (and really it’s what she Deserves) but considering how life is pretty much never fair to her, i imagine it’d probably be something super evil seeming, like the ability to give people nightmares or attract crows or something. (although actually travelling around w a pack of crows is life goals tbh)

maggie - i think bc of the fact that she spends so much time around aliens of differing species then like? an ability to quickly pick up languages? or just like total omnilingualism. it’d be v useful in a world w so many different alien languages yeah?

vasquez - terrakinesis! i swear she’s like the only stable person at the deo so she’s the only one who could be trusted w being able to create earthquakes

lillian - she’s the only proper supervillain on this list bc like. how can i not give her mind control. how do we know she doesn’t already have it tbh

[ick25]

Rockman.EXE Episode 36 Review.

This new comercial bumper is the cutest I’ve seen!

Isn’t Japan like in the north?

We open the episode with Netto dying from the heat in the middle of a hot day when a robotic penguin walks in to cool him down.

It was just Meiru trying to brag about her newest toy, an “Adelin-kun” penguin, named after the Adélie species of penguins.

Not a 100% identical, but pretty close.

Apparently, having these penguins is the newest trend in Densan city, especially during the summer. After getting a few shots of people walking around the city with their own penguin coolers, we go to something that looks like a freezer somewhere in Internet city where we see today’s navified robot master, Freezeman.EXE.

I honestly don’t know why he is like that, I inicially thought he was hibernating or something.

We cut to Midorikawa talking about the newest trend of having a robot penguin slave following you around 24/7.

There is no way that this thing is gonna end up gathering dust in a closet during the winter.

We then cut to the Ex-World Three that finally decided to open a curry restaurant named Number One Curry aka Maha Ichiban, where Madoi and Count Elec are complaining about the heat. Luckily for them, they still get a customer who seems to be more interested in the fact that they don’t own one of those penguins.

I wonder if this guy will have an important role in the future.

Netto and friends are heading over to Yaito’s mansion who decided to build a pool because of the heat, figures. We see Yaito waiting for them in her bathing suit as she decides to go for a swim with her personal army of Penguins behind her.

As always, nothing is too excesive for the rich.

Meanwhile, at the Net agents HQ, Saloma and Miyuki are inspecting an Adelin-kun where they discover a strange chip with Gospel’s logo on it.

Why would they start doing this now when the penguins have already been release to the public? There are like hundreds all over the city!

Of course this is the perfect time for Gospel to put their plan in motion. For some reason there is a display of giant penguins in Internet City that Freezeman turn into a super ice tower that begins to emit electronic waves.

Seriously, why is there a display of giant penguins?

This somehow affects the weather in the real world making it suddenly snow in Densan. The robot penguins are shown to be feezing the entire city, Netto and the others try to escape the cold with Meiru forgetting her penguin, but Dekao and Tohru are mysteriously frozen.

Hmm... Iceman’s operator has been frozen... Isn’t that ironic in some way?

Looks like Meiru’s penguin doesn’t like being left behind a second time and ends up freezing her. The penguin plans to do the same with Netto but he gives it the slip on his ice skates, yes, ice skates.

Why is Netto packing ice skates in the middle of summer? Plot convinience!

At the Net Agents HQ, Commander Beef tries to warn Saloma and Miyuki but they are all surprised by a penguin that came in after the Commander.

See? This is what happens when you inspect it late.

The whole city is covered in snow and the tempetures are decreasing fast, as told by Midorikawa who ends up frozen by some penguins that snuck up behind her.

As Netto is skating trying to figure out what is going on, unaware that Meiru’s penguin is following him, Rockman tells him that the network is cold too and that maybe it has something to do with what’s going on in the real world.

Funny, when Iceman froze the Water Works computer back in episode 6 you didn’t mention anything about it being cold. Can Navis even feel cold?

Netto decides to go to Yaito’s mansion to plug-in, but we interrupt this Rockman.EXE episode to bring you an evil robot penguin drama that was cutted from the dub.

RIP, Penshirou.

Yeah, for some reason Maha Ichiban is the only place in the entire city that isn’t frozen because something is keeping the penguins from getting closer. I don’t know why they cut this from the dub, maybe it was to avoid making kids feel bad for the evil penguins?

Netto arrives at Yaito’s mansion where he finds everything frozen, including Yaito. He also discovers that the penguins are the ones freezing the city.

I’m glad Yaito got what she deserved for being super materialistic and excesive, but as we’ve seen before, she is probably not gonna learn anything from this.

After the new cute comercial break animation, we see that Netto managed to escape from Yaito’s army of penguins and is now walking through the blizzard finding somewhere else to plug in. Unfortunately, Netto discovers that he dropped his PET somewhere and goes back to try and find it.

“I was wondering why you were suddenly so quiet”

After this, we cut to another report from Midorikawa, wait, what?

Weren’t you frozen by the penguins earlier?! How many times do you have to perish in this episode?

We then cut to Maha Ichiban where they all seem to be talking about something that will help stop Gospel’s plan, so Mahajarama, Madoi, Count Elec and the customer from earlier run out of the shop, but they all slip on the ice causing the man to drop a strange PET that is melting the snow around it.

They are suddenly surrounded by the penguins who freeze them all together.

It’s nice to know that Penshirou was avenged.

Netto keeps looking for his PET in the snow, luckily, Rockman calls out to him and is found.

Netto! Do you kiss you’re useless mother with that mouth?!

Netto digs Rockman out of the snow, but is too tire to stay awake, he falls on the snow with the blizzard starting to bury him alive. Rockman tries to wake him up with no avail, Meiru’s penguin appears and tries to freeze him before he is buried until Rockman yells his cyber lungs out to finally wake him up causing the penguin to fall off.

In the dub, Megaman notices the penguin, but I think the original gag was that the penguin was trying to freeze Netto the whole episode, but was never noticed until the end.

After successfully waking him up, Rockman reminds Netto that they have to find somewhere to plug-in. Coincidentally, Netto discovers the unfrozen Maha Ichiban and goes inside where he finds a connection behind the counter. Netto plugs-in Rockman and he finds this.

I think that is suppoused to be the gate to Internet city, but wouldn’t that mean that the whole Net is frozen? Or is it just that part?

Anyway, Rockman blasts it with his buster and enters Internet City where all the Navis are frozen too. He sees the giant Ice tower and figures that it is emitting strange waves, Rockman is suddenly surrounded by viruses, but its nothing a few cutted buster shots can’t handle. Oh hey, a Ice Bear virus, long time no see.

Rockman races to the ice tower where he comes across a blue dragon virus, he manages to the avoid its blizzard attacks, but his buster shots are inefficient. Thankfully, the battle chip rule doesn’t include instant win programs, so Rockman activates the Style change and uses the Wood Shield style to defeat the blue dragon.

Now Rockman faces the ice tower, but Freezeman finally makes himself known.

Butt shot! XD

Freezeman introduces himself as a commander for Gospel, he says he wants to test Rockman’s power and creates an ice stage that allows them to use Battle chips in Internet City.

Well, about that, Rockman defeated Shadowman quickly because Yaito passed Netto a bunch of rare chips, and with Cutman they used the Elec Brother Style combined with Woodman’s power, so I doubt you’re gonna get any of that in this battle.

The battle begins and Rockman is having trouble to get near Freezeman, the animation for this battle is pretty good. Something I want to point out is that the art style for this episode is knowen for showing shots where you can appreciate Rockman’s muscular body (and some butt shots), thats why I call this style “bulky Rockman”.

It is no surprise that I learned to draw bodies from watching Rockman. Also, guys have anime girls with mini skirts and jiggly boobs, we girls have moderately muscular anime boys in spandex.

Freezeman immobilizes Rockman with some ice spears and begins to freeze him slowly, while Netto is just watching from the real world waiting for Meiru’s penguin to freeze him.

Seriously, Netto, what are you waiting for? Did you ran out of chips?

However, Freezeman is interrupted by a new fire Navi named Heatman.EXE.

Heatman attacks Freezeman causing him to drop Rockman, and the penguin to break down somehow. The fire left by Heatman’s attack melts the ice covering Rockman allowing him to regain conscieness while the two Navis battle.

As a final attack, Heatman summons an insanely giant flame tower that melts all the ice in both Internet city and in the real world. Netto protects Rockman from the giant flame tower by sending him a Barrier chip.

New butt shot! This art style does not dissapoint in the butt shot deliveries.

After everything goes back to normal, Freezeman has escaped and Heatman tells Rockman that they will be enemies the next time they see eachother.

“No, I’m Rockman”

Netto remembers that the Navi’s name is Heatman and leaves the curry shop after noticing Meiru’s dead penguin behind him.

Finally, now Meiru’s penguin can join Penshirou in evil penguin heaven.

And the episode ends with the revelation of Heatman being Hinouken’s new Navi as he delivers Curry to some random house.

My thoughts?

Before you say anything about the title joke, the title actually alludes to the fact that penguins only live in the southern hemisphere of the planet. 

We spend the mayority of the episode following Netto around the frozen city, along with shots of the penguins and the World Three’s restaurant with their mysterious customer, but the animation for Rockman’s battles against Freezeman and the viruses was the best part.

The scene where Penshirou breakes down when getting glose to the curry restaurant was skipped in the dub, along with the shot of the girl penguin avenging him after freezing the World Three. I’m still not sure why, the scene contributed to the plot because it let us know that the curry shop was unfrozen because the penguins where afraid of getting near, it wasn’t explained why, but at least we knew there was reason why it was the only place not covered in ice.

The Curry Restaurant is called Maha Ichiban and it translates to Maha Number one, in the dub, it is changed to Number One Curry since Mahajarama’s name was changed to Yahoot. 

This episode introduces Freezeman, a Gospel comander who, just like in the game, covers the net with ice. The mysterious customer is also an important character, but I will talk about him later.

Heatman is Hinouken’s Navi in the second game, we never learned what happend to Fireman during that time, but something tells me that we are finally gonna get the answer to that and many other questions in the next episode.