#bakers dozen

[pilfappreciator]

Brandi and Bruce’s S/o looking after the bakers dozen on their own, what shenanigans occur?

Anon this is?? Literally so cute what the hell??? Also referring to them as the "bakers dozen" is so genuis sfhjjfdadfggh—

Reader & the Bakers Dozen: babysitting solo

Includes: GN! Reader, mentions of polyamory, mentions of Vacay Lovers, slightly Parental! Reader, the Bakers Dozen

CW: Bruce Jr.

🍪 POV: your partners go off to some fancy convention to promote their business, leaving you to watch after all 13 of their kids. Chaos ensues

🍪 These little shits are already a lot to handle, so when you suddenly find yourself being the only adult in the house responsible for them? Yeah, babes, you've definitely got your hands full

🍪 Luckily, you've spent enught time at the Vacay Lovers household that things are at least a little easier for you lol

🍪 They definitely behave much better for you compared to other babysitters. Partly because you're smoochin their parents (and don't wanna get in trouble), and partly because they genuinely like you :3

🍪 But they're still little shits thru and thru, don't forget that

🍪 If they happen to have school? Chances are Bruce and Brandi already took care of their lunches and stuff before they left, so it'll be up to you to pick them up (WARNING: THE KIDS WILL TRY TO CONVINCE YOU TO GO ORDER AT THE NEAREST FAST FOOD PLACE! Unless you've got money for 13 happy meals, prepare to hit em with a firm refusal). Definitely helps if you blast some music in the van! They've kinda lost interest in Velvet & Veneer after learning the two literally tortured their dad and uncles...

🍪 Play Brozone. They'll go crazy and shout-sing along with Bruce's parts lol

🍪 Later in the day you can expect a few to come up to you for homework help. They might also wanna help with dinner, but fyi there WILL be a mess. Pasta sauce on the floor, flour all over the counters, stains on your clothes— the whole shebang

🍪 Want the least amount of casualties? Just let them set the table (no worries, all the plates and stuff are made of plastic ajdjakkala)

🍪 A few of them have some dietary restrictions tho so keep that in mind!! Luckily, you can always find a list of reminders/examples up on the fridge courtesy of lovely muppet wife Brandi <33

🍪 If the kids don't have school that day, then be prepared. You're gonna have very little time to yourself ://

🍪 Like they've each got their own interests and hobbies to keep them occupied, but sometimes they'll need you to reach somewhere up high, or for you to play tiebreaker/settle an argument, or they honestly just want you to join them for a game of hide and seek which???

🍪 "Aw, you sure you guys don't mind me joining in?"

"Yeah! Just cuz you're old doesn't mean you can't have fun, too!"

"...Gee, thanks :D"

🍪 They're merciless

🍪 They've all got their own set of chores they need to do. Each and everyone will try to worm their way out of them. All of them. Everytime

🍪 Sure, they can be a little hyper sometimes, but they're like 6-8 years old so that's expected. For the most part, they're all pretty chill

🍪 It's Bruce Jr. who you've gotta watch out for

🍪 He is a shit- stirer and I WILL FOREVER STAND BY THAT

🍪 This guy won't hesitate to rally his siblings into whatever plan he's been cookin in that feral little head of his. Prepare yourself because you're MOST DEFINITELY getting pranked. It's like a requirement or something

🍪 One nice thing i have to say about Bruce Jr. is that he's actually pretty resourceful. Like this little dude is using everyday household items like he's staring in his own Home Alone movie AKSJSJAKA—

🍪 Rest assured, tho, none of his pranks are seriously harmful or anything but like... at the end of the day, expect:

1) to be covered in craft supplies

2) your clothes/skin/hair a mess

3) to have one limb stuck in a bucket

4) all of the above

🍪 Honestly I feel like Bruce and Brandi would be surprised if they came back and DIDN'T find you sporting paint-stained clothes or with glitter in your hair. Maybe a few stickers slapped on your forehead??

🍪 The trick to dealing with this little agent of chaos is to either keep him separated from his siblings long enough so he doesn't manage to rope anyone into his schemes, or strike some kinda deal with him. Considering he's got 12 siblings, all of whom you need to be watching over at the same time, chances are the second option is your safest bet

🍪 Chances are he'll ask for something semi-illegal, or at the very least something that DEFINITELY requires adult supervision

🍪 DO NOT LET THIS BOY TALK YOU INTO BUYING ANYTHING RELATED TO FIRE. Seems like an easy task, I know. Unfortunately this little shit enherited his dad's charm so watch out o_o

🍪 He'll settle for a happy meal tho. Hopefully you didn't already cave and take him and his siblings out to eat earlier, otherwise you're spending even more money ajsjakkala

🍪 If any errands need to be run during your time there, you BETTER BELIEVE they're all coming with. You'll need to be incredibly vigilant during this time cuz these kids are even more rowdy in public than they are at home. If you're smart about it, you can turn the whole thing into a game! If everyone manages to grab everything off the grocery list in a certain amount of time or if they're able to find the best quality (but relatively cheap) brand of laundry detergent, then you'll buy each of them candy or something uwu

🍪 You can count on them to be cooperative, but like... bring the family child leash just in case

🍪 Cough cough (Bruce Jr.) cough cough

🍪 MOVIES BEFORE BED! It's a bit of a family tradition in the Vacay Lovers household. Yknow, just some way for the kids to spend time together before the day ends

🍪 You're most definitely gonna be playing tiebreaker when the time comes. All 13 of them have wildly different tastes

🍪 Absolutely no scary movies tho. They'll try to argue that theyre able to handle it, but at the end of the night expect to find yourself under a pile of frightened children who've ctawled into bed with you

🍪 Their collective nightly routine is literally?? So chaotic??? Like all of them are simultaneously trying to squeeze into the same bathroom just to brush their teeth... running in and out of their respective rooms... trying to sneak some extra dessert before bed

🍪 Literally never a quite moment in this household jshskakakam

🍪 You might have to read a few bedtime stories or sing a lullaby—

"Dad does it better"

"Just go to bed, Benji"

—but once they've settled in under the covers? Out like a light. They are unconscious the moment their heads hit their pillows

🍪 You'll probably have a mess (or two... or three) to clean up afterwards, but once they're taken care of? Dishes washed? Counters clean? You're more than welcome to crash on Bruce and Brandi's bed <33

🍪 Said couple returns home the next morning...

🍪 Just to find their kids drawing on your face with marker. Cross your fingers that none of its permanent 💀💀

Hope this was good! I know I call them all little shits BUT I MEAN IT AFFECTIONATELY OKAY AJSJAKA

Ngl I feel like this could have been like... more colorful? Like I was very general about the kids and their behavior as a whole, but now I'm super tempted to make a post describing each of them and all their little quirks! Just something fun to do that'll help me write them better in the future ;3

[fourtwentybuds]

Bakers Dozen 🎂🌱 by BiGBoi

[narciesuss]

What is the kassie Show

A collection of my shenanigans 💝

So I’m Kassie 🤓 the main character! I am 28 years old and my blog is only for 21 and up.

My pronouns are whatever you’d like. I love being a girly girl but I’ve been told I have big dick energy 🤭

I’m polyamorous and bisexual 💖

I’m a triple Gemini 😉

I love to talk but I’m not here to sext with you. So don’t be disrespectful or inappropriate with me or I’ll have to block you.

My page will have:

Drugs and alcohol and trippy colorful shit 🌈

Sexual content

Witchy shit and the Moon 🌕💖

Beautiful women

Pink and girly things

Cars

Food

Cottage core and nature and flowers

And most recently, alien vibes 💚👽

What I’m currently listening to:

Have fun! Be kind 💖

Please navigate The Kassie Show through the hashtags below 👇🧿

[illusioncanthurtme--art]

N-nutmegan……..

The fun little chart here (complete with death timestamps) is how I discovered that the entirety of the Baker’s dozen has NAMES??? I didn’t care about Nutmegan, but now that she has a NAME?? I would die for her?? Huh?? All of a sudden I’m obsessed with this group of highly expendable killer bakers. Now the scene where JERRY COBBLER gets slurped up by that man eating flower hits so different: BETSY CROCKER YELLING “JERRY!!!!” 😭😭😭 THEY’RE A FAMILY OK Also nutmegan is unironically kind of cool to me. I redrew her little touchdown pose at the wishing star, and I really liked how that drawing turned out. So I used references for the other two full ones despite the fact that they’re pretty basic. I think I’ll keep doing that when I doodle because it's a surprisingly beneficial exercise!

[animatorrader]

I'd like to think that the Baker's Dozen were all orphans that Jack 'adopted' (free child labor). I don't know how else they'd remain so loyal to him. Goldie is an orphan, Perro is an orphan and the Bakers Dozen are all orphans!

[shubbzebubs]

I flashed in and out of putting effort in this shitpost 😭

Jack makes another one of his batshit lrders

[100wrecks]

new puss in boots oc heavily inspired by one, two, buckle my shoe

[megaphone-malediction]

[rockn-rule]

Here's my progress so far

I gotta start practicing lighting more but none the less

[sebrrari]

sebastian “i baked this loaf of bread” vettel

[fourtwentybuds]

Bakers Dozen by 🌱BiGBoi

[narciesuss]

[illusioncanthurtme--art]

In which getting sucked into the wishing star and blasted off into space didn't technically kill them - it just took them to "the heavens". Now they're at the heaven dmv trying to figure out how to get back.

This is REALLY STUPID but this is a little scenario that's been playing in my head for the last couple days. I find the shrek villain deaths interesting, because they can be pretty ambiguous. You can definitely compare Jacks death to fairy godmothers, because they're magical, and therefore you can interpret them however you want. I wasn't planning on drawing this at all, but i needed to warm up before working on a commission. Then my hand started drawing the dmv dude and I was like "well here we go." The bakers dozen is very proud of Nutmegan for standing up for herself. GET THAT RAISE BEECH!! Also Jack is due to get exiled... to where he belongs 😬

[the3dprintbarn]

[jstor]

Apropos of nothing, here is a baker's dozen images of bird-shaped brooches ca. 6th century, from Frankish, Vendel, and Anglo-Saxon artisans. They all come from the Metropolitan Museum of Art collection on JSTOR, which includes nearly half a million open access images for everyone!