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boombayahbitches · 6 years

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A Pale Rose

A/n: Okay so I proof read this, I don’t hate it but I don’t think this is the best thing I’ve written. If you haven’t watched Sleeping Beauty in a while, here’s a refresher on who’s who.

Yoongi: Aurora

Hoseok: Philip

Jimin: Fauna

Jeongguk: Flora

Taehyung: Merryweather

Seokjin: Maleficent

I’ve also never written in general never written action, so I’m sorry about that but I tried by best but anyways.

word count: 4,055

Long ago, in a far away kingdom, there lived a King and his fair Queen. Many years had they longed for a child. And finally their wish was granted. A son was born. And they called him Briar Rose

Now I know what you’re thinking. ‘Who the hell names their son Briar Rose?’ That is a good question. The young princes parents were actually expecting a daughter. They had already named the child before he was born. To say the lease, they kept the name when he was born.

The King and Queen created a holiday, to celebrate the new prince’s birthday. And this is where our story starts.

If you were to look out the window that day, you would be greeted with almost all of the royal subjects. They were all baring gifts, the presents for the prince being almost too heavy for the people to carry. The subjects ranged from small peasants who had scraped up all of their money to give Briar their blessing, to rich nobles who were on floats of gifts. The were all marching happily to the castle, chanting a song.

All hail to the Prince Briar Rose!

Everyone marched inside, waiting patiently along with the King and Queen for the royals long time friends to arrive.

“Please welcome, His Majesty Jung, and His Royal Highness Prince Hoseok!” The presented introduced. A small boy and his father stalked up to the thrones. They bowed deeply as the King smiled and stood up. Gliding effortlessly over to his friend, his arms open wide for a embrace. The man stood up and hugged him tightly as Prince Hoseok moved his eyes over to the small cradle, his hands resting behind his back.

This was the day that the two Kingdoms would be united, as young Prince Hoseok would be betrothed to Briar Rose.

So him his gift he brought, and looked unknowing on his future groom.

More trumpets rang throughout the hall as mystical light rained down from the ceiling. “With great honor, please welcome the Three Good Faries!” The announcer shouted as three small men floated down from the light, the one robed in red first, then the green and blue.

“Master Jeongguk!” The rouge one landed gracefully on the tile, bending into a bow. “Master Jimin!” The one in green landed as well, also dropping into a bow. “And Master Taehyung!” The blue one landed and bowed as well, the three faries staying in a bow together. They rose and floated over to the royals, their wands being held daintily in their hands.

They congregated around the bassinet, looking a the infant prince. They cooed at the baby softly, each taking turns to move closer.

“I’ll shall give him the gift of beauty.” Master Jeongguk flicked his wand. “And I the gift of song” Master Jimin sang, the faire twirling the golden wand above him.

“Ah, sweet prince. My gift shall be-” Master Taehyung did not get to finish his gift as wind howled into the room, causing the blue farie to sway. The colossal oak doors swinging open with a bang. Everyone watched in fear as lightning crashed and a dark figure materialized from wicked green flames.

The figure was holding a large staff, a raven black as night perched atop the violet crystal. They were dressed in all black robes, them swaying with the wind and showed a deep blue underneath. As you would look at the face, you were to see a males face starting back at you with an icy smirk. He had pale skin that looked a sickly white color. His lips were dark red while his hair was slicked back, horns growing out of the top.

“T-that’s Seokjin! What is he doing here?” Master Taehyung thought aloud. Jungkook shushed him quickly, waving his wand at the other.

“I deliver a message to you, Your Majesty royals, nobles... and even you” The figured named Seokjin waved his hand lightly, his voice just as icy as his stare. Taehyung scowled and made and effort to approach Seokjin, but Jimin held him back by his cape. “I was quite distressed to see I had not received an invitation.” He said calmly. “You wouldn’t want one!”

Seokjin ignored Taehyung’s comment. “You-you’re not offended, are you?” There was a hint of fear in the Queen’s voice. “Me?” He had an exasperated tone, “Of course not. I too, will give the prince a gift.” Seokjin moved over to the bassinet, the faries gasping and moving to guard the baby.

He smirked and raised his arms, raising his voice.

“Listen well! All of you!” He paused and slammed his staff down. “The Prince shall indeed grow in grace and beauty. Beloved by all who know him. But...before the sun sets on his 16th birthday...he shall prick his finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel...and die!” He exclaimed while Briar’s mother rushed over to him.

Seokjin cackled evilly while the King ordered the guards to seize him. He cackled even louder before erupting into flames and disappearing

The faires looked at Taehyung, pushing him forward as he still had his gift to give. “There is still a ray of hope...” He flicked his wand and gulped “In the sleep, one true loves kiss, and the love shall break” Taehyung finished.

“Of course! That’s the only way. Of course the King will objects but when we tell him its the only way.” Jimin rambled. “Tell him what?” Jungkook groaned and followed him around as the other paced, Taehyung sitting on a ledge.

“Three peasant men, raising a child alone in the woods!” Jimin declared. “Who?” The two said. “Turn around.” They turned to a mirror, their fancy formal attire turning into a peasants wear. They giggled, “Ah, taking care of a cute baby!” Jungkook cooed.

“And no magic!”

The King and Queen watched as their only child disappeared into the night, Taehyung holding onto him tightly. But the people knew that as long as Seokjin’s realm raged with darkness and despair, that the prophecy had not come true.

The faries moved into the cottage, whispering to themselves softly. “We can’t just call him Briar Rose, that’s a girls name!” Jimin pouted slightly, they all thought for a second and looked at the child in Taehyung’s arms. They began spitting out names, quickly disagreeing with each other and getting into a small argument. Jungkook suggested a name, causing the others to shake their heads. But the baby gurggled happily in response. “Wait, say it again!”

“Uh...Yoongi?” The baby giggled and the faries hearts melted. “Yoongi it is.”

And soon Yoongi grew close to his 16th birthday, having no idea about him being a prince, much less about the curse.

Jimin, Jeongguk and Taehyung all gathered around a scrapbook, planning a surprise for Yoongi. They all giggled as they found a handsome suit they all liked, talking about the adjustments that would have to be made.

“We’ll make it blue!” Taehyung nodded his head and smiled while Jeongguk shook his head, “No, it’ll be pink.” He didn’t take his eyes of the picture while Taehyung glared at him. Yoongi came down from his room, humming lightly. “Now what are you all doing?” He asked, sliding down the stairs. The men stood up and looked at him, looking at each other and stuttering. “N-now um... we want you to pick some berries!’ Taehyung quickly shoved a basket into Yoongi’s hand while Jimin nodded frantically before grabbing a light scarf and wrapping it around him.

“But I picked berries yesterday!” Yoongi bit his lip and Jeongguk pushed him towards the door. “Yes! Well we need more!”

“Lots more!” Jimin added. Yoongi sighed and moved outside, the men slamming the door behind him. The others turned around and started to gather all the things for the party. ‘I’ll go get the wands.” Taehyung began to move up the stairs before Jimin twirled around. “No magic.”

“But I’ve never baked a cake without magic.” Taehyung whined. “I am going to bake the cake, you are going to help Jeongguk with the suit!”

Taehyung protested but Jeongguk moved him over to a stool, starting to use him as a dummy to make the suit. Jimin began baking, doing everything horribly while Jeongguk put layer after layer on Taehyung.

They began talking about how much Yoongi gad grown, beginning to get emotional.

Meanwhile, Yoongi strolled through the forest, taking in the wild life and humming lightly while his voice carried through the forest. The animals followed him. He looked back at them, as long as they didn’t follow him home he would be okay. He came across a fallen tree acting as a bridge, he carefully moved across it while he sang.

Below Yoongi on the ground, a man draped in red rode on his horse. He looked up towards the voice. “Samson, do you hear that? Beautiful.” He heard the singing as he talked to his horse. He tried to turn around but his horse was basically like fuck no. “C’mon Samson, I’ll give you an extra bucket of oats...and a few carrots.” The horse snorted and turned around, racing foreword to find the voice.

Samson was going to fast as he turned the corner, throwing Hoseok into a pond. He glared at his horse

Yoongi had reached the edge of the forest. He was leaning against the tree and looking at the kingdom. “Why do they still treat me like a child?” He mumbled to himself while sighing. He turned away, “I just want to meet someone...” He looked at an owl and sighed, the animals basically being his only friends.

“Actually, I have met someone.” He smiled lightly while the animals continued to follow him. “He’s tall and handsome and...and so romantic.” Yoongi gushed before shaking his head, not wanting to think like this. “Right before I go he takes me in his arms and...I wake up.” The animals seemed to be listening to him as they sunk down.

Yoongi looked down to talk to the animals but noticed that they were not there anymore. He turned around to look for them but he saw the animals all together wearing a red cape and a red hat with it. They looked ridiculous, but it made Yoongi laugh. He stood up as he began dancing with the owl, dressed as his prince. He smiled, having fun and enjoying the joke.

The wildlife stealing the clothes did not go unnoticed buy the owner, Prince Hoseok. He was about to go take it back but he noticed that a short pale boy with the most beautiful voice was waltzing with a...owl? He smiled and admired from a bush.

Yoongi broke away from the owl, still dancing and singing. That was when Hoseok couldn’t help himself. He rose from the bush and came up behind Yoongi, taking his hand with his and singing along. Yoongi was startled and stopped, trying to pull away.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” Hoseok said with a cocky grin on his face. Yoongi hid his face while he blushed and tried to pull away. “I-ts just that..you’re a..”

“A stranger.” At this point Yoongi stopped trying to pull away and turned to face him, still blushing. Yoongi nodded. “But remember, we’ve met before.”

Yoongi was puzzled. “You said so yourself, Once Upon a Dream.” Hoseok smirked.

“I know you, I walked with you Once Upon a Dream~” Hoseok sang, chasing after Yoongi and grabbing his hand. Yoongi blushed and waltzed with him. Yoongi was in a daze as Hoseok pulled him over to the cliff that over looked the castle.

Hoseok slipped his arm around the others waist and looked down at him. “You’re so beautiful, what’s your name” The prince said slowly. Yoongi looked up at him, a light blush on his cheeks. He was lost in the moment.

“My name is...” He looked at his lips before gasping and pulling away, starting to run back to the cottage. “W-wait! When will I see you again?” He shouted, watching as Yoongi ran away. “Never!” He answered, picking up the basket that was supposed to be for the berries. He turned back around once he thought about his words.

“Well, maybe one day.” And with that he ran back, shouting a date and time to meet him.

Jimin, Taehyung and Jeongguk were doing worse than expected without their magic. Jimin had made the cake, but he had to hold it up with a broom because it wasn’t sturdy. And the dress was big enough to fit on an elephant

Jimin sighed as he looked at everything, he groaned and held his head in his hands before rushing up the stairs. Jeongguk tugged the dress off of Taehyung roughly as Jimin came back down the stairs. He was holding the wands that faires hadn’t touched in years.

“I can’t fucking do this anymore!” He turned the peasants clothes into their normal farie attire and handed them their wands. “I’ll make the cake and Taehyung will clean while Jeongguk will make the dress.” Jimin turned back around while Taehyung glared at Jeongguk.

They waved their wants, the mops and buckets started to move while the ingredients went into the batter. Scissors cut through the fabric perfectly, and soon the faries were closer than they ever were before to being done

The suit was almost done when Taehyung saw it. He scowled before muttering, “Make it blue.” The dress turned blue before Jeongguk gasped and turned it back to pink.

Taehyung was getting fed up with this and turned Jeongguk’sred outfit into a blue one. Jeongguk looked down and glared and the boy before turning his outfit pink.

They continued this for a while, both taking turns to hit the suit until...

“Make it blue!”

“Make it pink!”

They said it at the same time, thus causing the spells to hit the suit at the same time.

The suit was blue with pink splats on it. Jimin stormed in, “He’s going to be here soon, get your shit together.” Jimin turned it pink and finished the cake before turning back to them. “Wands” He turned them back and moved to put them away, Jeongguk and Taehyung bumping each others shoulders.

They heard the door open and jumped to their hiding spots “Jimin? Jungkookie? Tae?” Yoongi called, hanging his cloak up. He still had a light blush on his face and was still thinking about the mysterious man he danced with.

He gasped when he saw the suit. He had never owned anything this nice. Well, at least not that he knew of. He looked at the cake and smiled widely while the caregivers shouted “Surprise! Happy birthday!”

“Thank you guys so much, this is amazing...I can’t wait for you to meet him...” He thought about him again while the faires jaws dropped. “Him?”

“Yes, we’ve met before. Once Upon a Dream.” He sighed happily.

“Yoongi you aren’t acting like your self, are you feeling well?” Taehyung placed his hand on his head and felt it

“Yoongi you’re betrothed to Prince Hoseok.” Jeongguk stepped in. “That’s impossible. I’d have to be a-”

“A prince.” Jimin finished. “Briar Rose”

Yoongi backed away before storming up to his room and slamming the door behind him.

“He was so happy.” Taehyung mumbled

None of them noticed the black raven perched by the window

“Father father! I just met the man that I am going to marry!” Hoseok practically skipped to his father. “Really? The Briar is already here?” He mumbled in disbelief.

“No, not the prince. A man. He’s wonderful and amazing. I don’t want to marry the Briar.” Hoseok sighed happily while his father glared at him. “You have to marry the Briar, Hoseok.”

Hoseok groaned, “Please talk to the king.”

The three faries and Yoongi stalked up to the castle, cloaks wrapped around them so they wouldn’t be notice. While the three faries had expressions of worries on their face, the prince had a blank expression. There was no emotion in his eyes and his lips were pressed in a firm line.

The faries had changed into their normal attire and showing their wings. Yoongi was wearing the blue suit the boys had made him, reluctantly sitting in front of the vanity.

“Dear, you look so beautiful” Jimin spoke up, the other two nodding in agreement.

Yoongi couldn’t take it and rested his head in his arms on the wood.

The faries looked at each other before silently agreeing that it was best to leave the prince alone.

They then left the room and a green light swept into the room, moving into the fireplace. Yoongi lifted his head and looked at the orb. His eyes then dilated and he stood up and seemingly glided towards the green light.

The faires had learned it too late that the Briar was gone, and now they were standing in front of Jin, demanding to know where Yoongi was.

“Well here’s your precious prince” He swooped his cape to reveal the prince collapsed on the ground. The faires gasped and Jin cackled evilly before disappearing in a flash of light.

The faires then rushed to the prince and lifted him up with their magic as fireworks and cheering could be heard from outside. The kingdom was expecting their prince.

The faires then had an idea, as long as the prince would sleep. So would the kingdom.

Hoseok rode his horse through the forest in search for his lover, whistling the tune they had sung earlier. He found the cottage and jumped from his horse, moving inside quickly. And instantly he was attacked by Jin’s minions.

Before then, Jeongguk had remembered something. “Hey isn’t the boy Yoongi spoke of supposed to be at our cottage?”

Jimin and Taehyung gasped, disappereding and flying back to the cottage in the woods. When they arrived, they found the princes hat sitting on the ground.

“Seokjin had Hoseok! We must go to the forbidden mountain!” Jimin hissed

“W-we can’t Jimin, its to dangerous!” Taehyung squeaked, shifting on his feet anxiously.

“We can because we have too.” Jungkook smacked both of their heads “C’mon”

They stalked up to Seokjin’s layer quietly, observing him sitting on his throne and stroking his raven as his minions danced in celebration that their seemingly victory. “Such a shame Prince Hoseok isn’t here for the celebration.” He smiled slyly, “Lets go cheer him up.” He rose slowly as the bird flew to the crystal on Seokjin’s staff and perched himself. Seokjin walked slowly up to the dungeons.

“My dear prince, why so melancholy?” Seokjin asked rhetorically as he pointed his staff towards him, the image of Yoongi sleeping in the crystal.

“Look at your dear prince, waiting for you to save him and his kingdom. And yet, you sit here hopelessly”

Hoseok bound forward in attempt to attack the other, but it was no use at the chains held him back. He glared as he walked away.

“Lets leave the noble prince alone with these happy thought” He chuckled to the bird.

As soon as Seokjin shut the door and resumed to his throne, the faires moved through the door and appeared in front of Hoseok.

“Shh, no time to explain.” Jungkook whispered as he started to break the chains with his wand. Jimin worked on the ones hooked to his feet and Taehyung burned through the lock on the door.

Hosoek started to the door but Jimin stopped him, “You’ll face more challenging moments along the way.” Taehyung flicked his wrists and there appeared a shield, “The enchanted shield of virtue,” then appeared a sword, “And the sword of truth.”

Hoseok ran down the hall, the three faires following behind him. That was when the minions started chasing them. The faires led Hoseok to where his horse was chained up. He glance up at a ledge and notice some minions had pushed rocks over. Jeongguk noticed to and swished his wand, the boulders turning to bubbles. Jimin then moved to the horse and zapped the chain around the animals foot. More minions appeared and shot arrows at Hoseok, but Taehyung was quick to protect and turned the quickly approaching arrows into flowers.

Hoseok then mounted his horse and began speeding towards the direction of the castle with Yoongi in it.

This didn’t go unnoticed by Seokjin who ran up to the tower. He glared and twirled his staff, sending a black abyss to the kingdom. As soon as the clouds reached the ground, dark thorns rooting the soil and growing instantly.

Hoseok waded through the the thorns quickly, slicing them quickly. The thorns seemed to move by themselves and hooked onto the Prince’s cape, holding him back. Taehyung noticed and zapped the thorns away quickly, Hoseok resuming to going through the sharp branches.

“Argh!” Seokjin cursed and swooped his long cape over his shoulder, twirling and teleporting to the castle and turning into a large dragon.

Hoseok looked at the dragon, or rather Seokjin and scowled. He gripped his sword tighter and raced towards the beast spitting fire towards him. He blocked the flames with his sword.

Seokjin then cornered him on the edge of a cliff, the horse’s hooves almost going over the edge. Hoseok felt the shield being blown out of his hands and he dared to look behind him.

The faries were still behind him. “Thou sword of truth, lie swift and sure!” Jeongguk stated and flicked his wrist. Hoseok the hurled it at the dragon in front of him, the sword surging into it’s chest.

Jin screamed out in pain as his body fell, collapsing on the rocks and breaking them, causing him and Hoseok to fall. The faires were quick and caught him with their magic, placing him back on the ledge. He looked down to see his sword in the ground below him.

Hoseok wasted no time and stood up, racing to the castle quickly to his prince as the three led him to the tower.

The faires twirled in the air and returned to their normal sizes and stood in the corner silently as Hoseok approached Yoongi. He knew what he needed to do.

He bent down and admired the others features for a second. There was no color in his face, or around the kingdom. He looked almost ghostly.

But then he remembered, this was the man he was supposed to marry. He grinned before leaning down and capturing the sleeping beauty’s lips in his.

Yoongi gasped a large breath and Hoseok pulled away. Yoongi looked up at him before cracking a small grin and sitting up there. The color in his face returning, along with the kingdoms. Yoongi cupped his cheeks, bringing Hoseok into a kiss that he would return.

And yes, Jimin, Jeongguk and Taehyung were crying and holding each other in the corner

After the entire kingdom had woken up, Hoseok had walked into the throne room with Yoongi on his arm. They walked to their parents and bowed. “Prince Rose and Prince Hoseok-” Yoongi held up his hand and the king stopped, a puzzled expression on his face. “Prince Yoongi, I’m not a girl” he huffed and rolled his eyes. His father nodded and resumed speaking about their marriage, the couple happily holding onto each other

“No no! Pink!” Jeongguk fought and flicked his wand and turning the suit pink again. Taehyung was quick to turn it back to blue, “Blue!”

This went on for a while until Jimin smacked both of their head, “Shut it you too! Its pink” Jeongguk smiled in victory and Taehyung pouted, not daring to fight with Jimin about it. Jimin pulled them both close and sniffed, “Look at them, so in love”

It was Yoongi and Hoseok’s first waltz married.

#sope fic #sope oneshot #yoonseok oneshot #yoonseok fic #yoonseok #yoongi x hoseok #suga x jhope #bts fic #sobi fic #yoonseok bts #sope bts #sope au #this is so bad help me #vminkook #sorta namjin #namjin fic

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snickwrites · 3 years

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quarantine hcs | song series edition

am i bored? yes, but i’ve also wanted to to headcanon how my song kids deal with quarantine. when i was washing dishes and really thought about it, i amused myself so now i wanna write it down.

ignore me, as per usual.

WENDY CAIN.

it would drive her absolutely mad

but shes also a little freaked out at the health connotations, so shes very serious about following health protocols, like she laminates them and spreads them all across the house + rooms

therefore, welcome clean freak wendy

obsessively cleaning surfaces, is seen furiously scrubbing and spraying

but she looks absolutely adorable whilst doing so; like, shes got a bandana on, shes in gloves, maybe a summer dress ( because quarantine hits just when its summer dress season ;-; ) if shes feeling up to getting dressed a bit

shed still do her regular walks, but keeps it around the house and liminal spaces she knows doesnt have much humans

she already does walk by herself even before quarantine hit so its ok

would start getting into the bread-baking trend

house is constantly smelling like freshly baked bread, mans in love all over again

would absolutely try and keep herself busy by planning through it and asking leon to join with some activities (if shes quarantining with leon, if shes not, she’ll video call him all the time, and isnt afraid to say how much she misses him)

if she is quarantining with him, they plan dates once a week and dress up all fancy

my girl will probably start sending letters like shes from a past century w/ gifts for friends

she’ll take up all kinds of hobbies too omg, baking being the primary (will obsess over making the best bread, like, legit. Michelin quality fucking bread, your honour), some sewing (enough to make a few clothes, cute), and even botanical (quits while she’s only kid one plant. my girl doesn’t have a green thumb, sad face)

if she’s not quarantining with leon, will cope better than his ass lmao

will prolly bond a lot with her parents, map out movie nights and game nights (her stepmother is competitve as fuck and its hilarious)

LEON SONG

mans ok with it honestly

doesnt leave the house much so??? sure might as well

also gives him an excuse to take long naps with wendy in his arms so-

as long as he has internet, books, and food, hes ok

seriously, this man would be ok

would seriously get fat tho, bc if hes quarantining with wendy, man wont forget to eat since shes in charge of the kitchen

if he’s not quarantining with her tho, oh boy

will absolutely break down, have wendy on video call 24/7 he doesn’t give a flying fuck

this man cannot function without her being phyiscally present

as soon as quarantine restrictions get a little less tight enough for him to leave the house, you bet your bottom dollar this man is rushing to get to her period. he’ll either take her to his house or he camps out at hers, he doesn’t care as long as she’s within reach

co-depent motherfucker

JAMES BRACKHAM

oh man, he’d go insane on the first week

he’d get into all kinds of crap

he’d replenish all the movies/shows he’s missed, would start cooking, be active on social media ( esp when he started working out; phew, mans horny, in need of release, send help )

honestly. would get ridiculously horny

would work the fuck out

mans gonna get built

will learn creative recipes tho and get really good at cooking food

built af? cooks well? H-word?

please, a thirst trap

QUINN FONG

would get back to teenage quinn: mangas, animes, shows, films, and prolly start webtoons herself

would send thirsty photos to james just for the hell of it

will dye her hair numerous times, pls save her poor roots

would get into makeup trends

will do the tiktok trend of like, cooking food from different eras

but will not cook ordinarily, still too lazy

will get into tiktok

both pranks + dances

will lose it after the first few months, she’d be so lazy

will video call all her friends bc she misses them

pranking government agencies get intense and more ridiculous

will befriend someone from each agency; cia, nasa, mi6, and even mossad

will start a dnd group w/ them

FARIS HAMEL

god, i see this man get bombarded with video calls from family members, pls save him

would lose it in a month but will not show it

will also become a gym nut

boi would meet the gang after quarantine looking jack as shit

oh my go,d he’d go into an online shopping spree addiction

and since he only really spends expesivenly on particular things, it gets out of hand fast

like, intervention status stat!

pls, he’d also start journaling

but he sounds like a mid century polish boy afraid of the plague outside of his house

gets obsessed with cleaning as well

CORDELIA SONG

another online shopping spree addict

will completely refurbish her house, pls

new !! outfits !!

will be that annoying friend/relative who wll constantly call/video chat bc shes vv lonely, no matter how close you are to her

she does this daily

will dress up everyday, regardless

social media presence? uh, yes pls

will probably start lives just bc

most likely to be drunk before 3 o’clock

BONUS:

+ KEI TANAKA

hes surprisingly ok with it too

he’ll start cooking more and more than going for takeouts, will shyly have a more social media presence, prolly get into a dnd group (Accidently gets on quinn’s tho whew), and go for the shows/films he hasnt got time to watch

will not walk away from online relationships tho

chill about it

will actually forget how much he misses human interaction until like, someone calls him or like, he passes by his neighbours

will pamper himself tho

buy some bathbombs, some bath salts, oof, get some face masks

mans coming out of this looking young as shit

will start a random hobby?

mixing cocktails? do puzzles?

+ DOMINIC PRINCE

man will prolly lose his mind

one week? nah, third day this man has given up on life

will be the MOST annoying; will call anyone who doesnt drop his calls bc he craves human interaction

will play music like a madman

start watching some musicals

sends rando ass gifts to his friends only to fuck with them, followed up by an actual decent gift

will legit start adopting left and right

mans found an ad and became feral

come end of quarantine, he introduces his 12 new children

#srs s #ocs wendy cain #ocs leon song #ocs james brackham #ocs faris hamel #ocs quinn fong #ocs cordelia song #ocs kei tanaka #ocs dominic prince #mine.

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jamessandersweb · 6 years

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2018 TV Scorecard: Which Shows Have Been Renewed or Canceled Already?

Image Source: Netflix

Although we're not even halfway through the year, Hollywood waits for no one - TV show cancellations and renewals now happen year round, so it's time to catch up on the latest news. Whether that means some of our favorite shows are disappearing soon or staying around for another shot, we all have to face the music eventually. A few shows have already been canceled, but other series have been luckier. See what's been renewed or canceled so far in 2018 below, and if you don't see your favorite show's fate, check here.

What's Been Renewed

ABC

Dancing With the Stars: You'll be able to see your favorite celebrities strut their stuff in the ballroom when DWTS returns for season 27.

The Bachelor: A 23rd season of the reality show is officially on the way (don't tell Arie).

The Good Doctor: A second season of watching Freddie Highmore solve outrageous medical cases has been OK'd by ABC.

Speechless: The series will be back for a third season.

Grey's Anatomy: The popular medical drama will be back for a 15th season, making it ABC's longest-running primetime drama ever.

How to Get Away With Murder: The Viola Davis-fronted drama will return for a sixth season.

Black-ish: The sitcom, which stars Tracee Ellis Ross and Anthony Anderson, was picked up for a fifth season.

Agents of SHIELD: The series has been renewed for a 13-episode sixth season.

Freeform

Siren: The fantasy drama has been renewed for a second season.

CBS

Young Sheldon: The origin story of The Big Bang Theory's Sheldon Cooper is a giant hit with fans, making CBS's decision to bring it back for season two a no-brainer.

S.W.A.T.: Brace yourself for seeing more of Shemar Moore in uniform, because the drama was renewed for season two.

Seal Team: The action drama starring David Boreanaz was also given a second season by CBS.

Mom: The series starring Anna Faris and Allison Janney has been renewed for a sixth season.

MacGyver: Mac will continue his unconventional problem solving in season three.

Hawaii Five-O: Despite a few recent scandals, the tropical police drama procedural has been renewed.

Blue Bloods: Tom Selleck's long-running series about a family of New York cops has been picked up for season nine.

Bull: CBS is bringing back this law drama for a third season in the courtroom.

NCIS: New Orleans: The crime-stopping will continue thanks to the show's season five renewal.

NCIS: Los Angeles: Chris O'Donnell and LL Cool J will return for season 10.

Madam Secretary: Téa Leoni's political drama has been granted a fifth season.

Survivor: Did you really think one of the most popular reality shows on TV would get the ax? Brace yourself for season 37.

The Amazing Race: A 31st season of watching multiple teams race around the globe is in the works.

60 Minutes: The news program has been given the green light.

48 Hours: True-crime lovers rejoice, because new episodes of this show will be back on CBS before you know it.

The CW

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Rachel Bloom and Aline Brosh McKenna's musical dramedy is going to return for a fourth and final season to wrap up Rebecca's story.

Jane the Virgin: Jane Gloriana Villanueva and her trusty narrator will come back to The CW for a fifth season (although star Gina Rodriguez has hinted it might be their last).

The Flash: Barry Allen and the rest of the gang will be back for season five.

Arrow: Are you ready for seven seasons of Oliver Queen? Whether you are or not, the network is bringing it back for yet another dive into the vigilante's life.

Supergirl: Here's something super - Kara is getting a fourth season!

Black Lightning: The CW's superhero show based on the DC Comics character has been renewed for season two.

Dynasty: Hopefully you're not sick of the drama quite yet, because the devious Carringtons are coming back for another season.

Supernatural: The Winchester brothers will return to The CW for a 14th season.

Riverdale: Grab the nearest chocolate shake and relax - Archie, Veronica, Betty, and Jughead have been given the green light for season three.

DC's Legends of Tomorrow: The ensemble superhero drama has been renewed for season four.

Netflix:

The Rain: Netflix's dystopian sci-fi drama will continue to raise mysterious questions about the water plague in season two.

Santa Clarita Diet: It's official - Drew Barrymore will get to keep eating people in a third season.

Lost in Space: The sci-fi drama will return for season two!

On My Block: The coming-of-age comedy got picked up for season two!

Fuller House: Netflix has picked up the reboot for the fourth season.

Grace and Frankie: The comedy has been renewed for season five.

One Day at a Time: Season three of the beloved family comedy is officially in the works!

Queer Eye: The heartwarming reality show will return for a second season of tears, fashion, avocados, and redneck margaritas - can you belieeeve?!

Nailed It: Netflix's hilarious reality baking show not only has Nicole Byer as host but also has a second season on the way. Celebratory cupcakes all around!

Black Mirror: The sci-fi anthology series will continue to melt your brain with season five.

Alexa and Katie: The sweet sitcom about two best friends - one supporting the other who has cancer - got picked up for a second season.

Jessica Jones: The Marvel P.I. will be back for season three!

Lost in Space: The reboot of the classic CBS series from the 1960s will be back for season two.

Fox

911: The Ryan Murphy procedural has nabbed a second season.

The Four: The music competition series has been picked up for a second season.

So You Think You Can Dance: Mary Murphy, Nigel Lythgoe, and Vanessa Hudgens will host season 15 of the dance competition this Summer.

Empire: With four seasons under its belt, the drama is still going strong. Onward to season five!

Star: Even the Empire spin-off is still running hot; we're getting a third season!

The Simpsons: Last year, the animated comedy was given a two-season renewal. Next season, which is the 30th(!), is the second year of this renewal.

The Orville: The live-action comedy by Seth MacFarlane has been given a second season.

The Gifted: The drama, based on the X-Men comics, has earned a second season.

The Resident: This new medical drama is on for season two.

Gotham: The series will be back for a fifth and final season.

Showtime

The Chi: Lena Waithe's freshman drama has been given a second season.

Starz

Outlander: The Ron Moore drama was renewed for a fifth and sixth season.

USA Network

Suits: Following the exits of Patrick J. Adams and Meghan Markle from the series, the legal drama will return for season eight.

Disney Channel:

Andi Mack: The series has been renewed for a third season.

NBC:

Superstore: The comedy starring America Ferrera has been renewed for a fourth season.

America's Got Talent: The series has been renewed for season 13.

Will & Grace: NBC's rebooted comedy was renewed yet again, this time for a third season (11th overall)!

Midnight, Texas: The supernatural drama will have more time to cast a spell on you when it comes back for season two.

Blindspot: After a successful third season, the "puzzle drama" will return once more.

Law & Order: SVU: This NBC staple is now tied for TV's longest-running primetime live-action series.

Chicago Fire: A seventh-season renewal has been issued to the flagship Chicago series.

Chicago Med: This spin-off series will be back for a fourth season.

Chicago PD: This iteration of the multiple Chicago series will return for season six.

The Good Place: Kristen Bell's life-after-death comedy has received a 13-episode third season.

This Is Us: This beloved, heart-wrenching newbie will be back for season three!

Good Girls: It's no secret that we loved this new series, which is why we're thrilled to see a second season.

A.P. Bio: The Lorne Michaels and Seth Meyers comedy will be back for season two.

HBO:

Silicon Valley: The comedy about a fictional tech company will return for season six.

Barry: Bill Hader's black comedy about an assassin-turned-actor was granted a second season by HBO.

Crashing: The show will be back for season three.

High Maintenance: The series has been granted a third season.

Amazon

Lore: The anthology series has been renewed for a second season.

Jack Ryan: The John Krasinski action series hadn't even premiered before it scored a season two pick up.

Syfy:

The Magicians: The fantasy series, based on the novel of the same name by Lev Grossman, has been renewed for a fourth season.

Pop:

Schitt's Creek: Haven't gotten into this show yet? Well, you better start, because it just got renewed for season five!

BBC America:

Killing Eve: Season one hadn't even come out yet before it was renewed for a second. You go, Sandra Oh!

Adult Swim

Rick and Morty: The animated series has been picked up for an additional 70 episodes.

What's Been Canceled

Image Source: Everett Collection

Fox

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Though it's beloved by critics and fans, this cop comedy will not return for a sixth season.

The Last Man on Earth: Will Forte's post-apocalyptic comedy has been canceled after four seasons.

The Mick: Another one that was a favorite among many! The Mick will not be back for season three.

New Girl: Zooey Deschanel's quirky comedy is coming to an end after seven seasons.

Lucifer: The Tom Ellis-starred drama is ending after three seasons.

Showtime

Homeland: Say goodbye to Carrie Mathison, because the drama will end after its eighth season.

ABC

Roseanne: The family sitcom was initially granted a second season of the reboot (an 11th season overall), until Roseanne Barr's racist tweet triggered its cancellation.

Once Upon a Time: The long-running fairy-tale series will wrap up after its current seventh season.

Quantico: ABC pulled the plug on the Priyanka Chopra-lead series after three seasons.

Designated Survivor: ABC's political drama will end after just two seasons this Spring.

Alex, Inc.: The Zach Braff sitcom will not be returning for a second season.

NBC

The Night Shift: Unfortunately, the final two seasons of this one already aired last Summer, and it won't be back for more.

Shades of Blue: The cop drama starring Jennifer Lopez will end after its third season.

Taken: The TV version of the popular Liam Neeson film will not return for a third season.

Great News: The Tina Fey-produced workplace comedy was canceled after two seasons.

Rise: The high school drama will not be returning for a second season.

Amazon

One Mississippi: This Amazon original series created by Tig Notaro (and inspired by her life) lasted two seasons.

I Love Dick: The adaptation of Chris Kraus's novel of the same name aired for one season.

Jean-Claude Van Johnson: Jean-Claude Van Damme's comedic spy series is no more after a six-episode run.

Transparent: The show's fifth season will be its last.

Freeform

The Fosters: Despite a strong fan base for the family drama, it was canceled after five seasons.

The CW

Life Sentence: Lucy Hale's comedy has been canceled after just one season.

Hulu

Chance: Hugh Laurie's thriller will not get a third season from the streaming network.

Shut Eye: The Jeffrey Donovan-led drama has been axed after two seasons.

Netflix

Lady Dynamite: Comedian Maria Bamford's comedy has been canceled after only two seasons.

Disjointed: Our love of Kathy Bates couldn't save Chuck Lorre's weed comedy from getting the ax after season one.

Everything Sucks!: In news that, well, sucks, Netflix has decided not to move forward with this quirky '90s comedy that aired for just one season.

Syfy

The Expanse: The drama will end after its current third season.

2018 TV Scorecard: Which Shows Have Been Renewed or Canceled Already? published first on https://filmstreaminghdvf.tumblr.com/

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fitanddangerous · 6 years

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Tinkerbell Faries CAKE - How to make a Cake with Tinker Bell Fairies

New Post has been published on http://www.happybirthdaycake.org/tinkerbell-faries-cake-how-to-make-a-cake-with-tinker-bell-fairies/

Tinkerbell Faries CAKE - How to make a Cake with Tinker Bell Fairies

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Date: 2017-01-14 01:00:03

Get my BOOK: Tinkerbell & Freinds Fairys HingeDOORs CAKE! Learning how to make this / log cake That I’ve Transformed into SO THINGS! Woodland animals? A Bride-to-be cake? And now a Fairys house!

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My Book is Availability in Metric (grams, cups & celsius) here: Or Impereal (US oz, cups & Fahrenheit) here: (UK) amzn.to/2hAzc6d — (AUS) Or an ANY Bookstore near you!

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Ingredients: 2 Batch of Choclate cake (baked in 6” cake tins) Chocolate Ganache, Whipped 1 lb Lightless Choclate Sweets melts White Tic Tacs Red M&Ms Melted White- Sweets melts Candy rocks Crushed White- cookies Green food Coloring

For the by Printable recipe, Click here:

Tools: Wooden cake board slab Parchment Fairys DOOR 1 (pick -soever you prefer!) Fairys DOOR 2 (pick -soever you prefer!) Thick straws Two 5” cake board Tinkerbell Figurines Flowers Serrated edge knife Cake

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fashiontrendin-blog · 6 years

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The Planets Wrote Your January Horoscope, All I Did Was Translate

http://fashion-trendin.com/the-planets-wrote-your-january-horoscope-all-i-did-was-translate/

The Planets Wrote Your January Horoscope, All I Did Was Translate

Illustration by Cynthia Merhej

Happy New Year and holy Oprah! I just realized that part of what I love about Astrology Zone’s Susan Miller is that she speaks like a fourth “Mrs.” (there are three: Who, Whatsit, Which) in A Wrinkle in Time. For example, Mrs. Miller equated some celestial good fortune thing (I can’t even remember) to that of a joyful cup of hot cocoa. And then, to some sign who she imagined was asking, “Whyyyyyyyy” to a bit of life-related bull crap caused by the January 31st eclipse, she said this:

“The universe wants us to live a happy, productive life, and will not abide stagnation, so the universe sends an eclipse to test the strength of relationships and situations and to shake the status quo.”

I liked that.

She is also, Bob (the Builder) bless her, a bit long-winded. And no shit!* It takes an awful lot of words to pack a month’s worth of your life into a single horoscope seeing as it’s based on all the wackadoo planets and their various dramas.

But you’re busy! Who has time to read astrological novels? And speaking of the aforementioned shit, Uranus is both being one and doing some, I’m sure. Who wants to read about that? (Though I promise that when it comes to Uranus’s shit, you can handle it. At least Mercury’s out of retrograde.) So in an effort to keep January moving at a positive, forward-moving-into-the-new-year-and-your-best-self clip, this round of horoscopes is going to be a little different, themed around THE ONE THING YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO KNOW. There will hopefully be less poop references than there were in this intro (no promises about excessive parenthetical asides) although that has nothing to do with keeping the mystery alive and everything to do with my your tolerance of my humor.

And with that, en garde! Strap on your ice skates and let’s get started!

Capricorn

What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t decorate your proverbial locker right here in Horoscope Hall and proclaim to you, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!”

With that settled and out of the way, hello Capricorn nuts (great snack)! Susan Thriller says that “this will be an extraordinary month for you. Heavenly bodies are migrating to your sign at a scale you’ve never seen, including the Sun, new moon, Venus, Mercury, Saturn, and Pluto in Capricorn on January 16.” Per her, “this is your chance to get your way.” Or the HIGHWAY! Am I right? But what’s so bad about a highway, anyway?

Hit it, Tom Cochrane!

Assuming you don’t consider this the “sitting in traffic” equivalent of celestial predictions, you’ll be focused on your home next month and for years to come, apparently. That sounds awfully cozy to me.

January 6th and 8th are great days for friendship so tell everyone to text you then. Keep yourself unplugged until then. When it comes to charm, I’m pretty sure I just saw a toothpaste ad-quality sparkle beam off your tooth, because from now until the 17th you’re dazzling the pants off everyone. Your shine’s so sparkly I heard them calling you a Liberace jumpsuit from a mile away. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some keys(board) to tickle.

Aquarius

Fresh water Aquarius, I hear from my frood friend Frusan that you need a little vacation after your vacation! If you don’t know where to start, do what I just did: remove the first letter of words then add an “fr” to frem (see? “frem” instead of “them”) — for literally no reason. Do that in your work emails and see if anyone understands what you’re talking about. They won’t, and I typically don’t, so it’s kind of like being alone on a relaxing deserted island, until someone gets annoyed with you, I guess.

If confusing everyone is not your thing and you hate seeing the angry red squiggle of your computer’s inner editor shouting, “THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A WORD!!! STOP PUTTING ‘FR’ IN FRONT OF WORDS UNNECESSARILY,” then just try taking it easy until the new moon on January 16th, “when most of the solar system will be grouped in your twelfth house of solitude and reflection.” I.e. you won’t miss out on the party if you put your feet up for a bit and stay in. It’s too cold out there anyways.

Even though you’re chilling, now’s a wonderful time for your career, especially when it comes to new job stuff. Keep your ear hopes open around the 5th. Susan said the 6th too but that’s a weekend so byeeeeee.

Overall, this is bound to be a year of excitement, change, and growth. Susan said that. She baked those words like cookies made with love. I just put the oven mitt on and took them out of the oven.

Pisces

My favorite fish sticks! If you couldn’t relax in December, well guess the hell what? Now you can. January has you primed for straight chilling. (Join an Aquarius under the sea: they too have their feet up.) And please do chill all you want, but don’t forget your reflexes because–

Suz Mail coming in hot! “January 16 finds more than half the solar system circulating in your eleventh house of friendship and fun events, thanks to the arrival of the Sun, new moon, Venus, Mercury, Saturn, and Pluto, all in Capricorn. This configuration will bring new friends, invitations to groups, and happy experiences with friends, and for you, this will be the case.”

Okay! So it’s going to be all about the friendship for you this month, to which you may say, “I love my friends, but they do not help me relax. They are party animals.” That’s why it gets cold in the winter, silly fish! Do you forget because you live in the ocean? (So cool, by the way.) Mammals hibernate in the winter, especially humans! Encourage your friends to join you in a furry-leg filled rendition of how much cookie dough can we eat without getting so sick that we don’t want to eat the pizza we just ordered. Let me know if I can come.

Something else you might like to know before I pack a bag and head over is that, “Mars will tour your tenth house of honors, awards, and achievement from January 26 until March 17.” That means that if you were even beginning to think about feeling work-guilty about relaxing, now you have no excuse not to say, “You know what, I rule, and I deserve this nap.”

Aries

First of all, Aries, in the name of a new year and therefore potentially a new monogram (why not!) I’d like to run some new nicknames by you and let all Aries vote in the comments. Do you like…

A) Aries David, like Larry David, but more Ram-like.

B) ArieZona Iced Tea, stylized as such to keep in line with the tall boy can choice of my youth — a harrowing stylistic decision given that I was unsure if it was more responsible to add the Aries’ standard ‘S’ before the AriZona Z (but I stand by it).

C) Faries, instead of fairies. A little less fun but it makes me think of FernGully, which I do only every so often, when looking for mullet inspiration.

Anyway, let me know in the comments below. All of this was a lead-up to tell you that sometimes, when it comes to horoscopes, I truly believe (though you wouldn’t know it) that less is more, which is why, Aries, by January 6, you will be a “virtual money magnet,” per Susan Miller, and you’ll reach “a major development in your romantic relationship.” If that doesn’t hint toward a similar vein as the Markles’ recent engagement photos and sound like a good time and a bottle of wine, then I don’t know what does.

Taurus

Thanks for getting the door, Taur! This month, I have to tell you, is all about travel for us. Just a whole butt and bucketload of travel! When I read this I was like, listen Susan, I traveled on January 1st as you said I would (which, no offense, wasn’t exactly the most revelatory prediction of the year given that a lot of people traveled on this date what with the holiday and all), but I have no other travel planned.

And then I thought to myself, wait a minute, I did not grow up watching Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood for nothing, and I can travel using my imagination to do all sorts of things like draw or write or be more creative or check out what kind of bedspread my neighbors may or may not be using. I can time travel a la the tesseract if I truly needed. (Put me out of my misery, please, and just let me have a private showing of A Wrinkle in Time, Ava, I beg of you!!! Are you still reading? Who am I and in what century are we partying?) I can also very well travel to and from all sorts of local destinations. This weekend, for example, I’d love nothing more than to travel the entire circumference of my couch.

So anyway, if you have trips of any kind, I’d love to know about them.

Something else to know about our sign because that wasn’t much (blame the planets!!!), is that Mars and Jupiter are doing the horizontal dance in Scorpio, our house of marriage this month, which they have not done since August 9th, 1982 — and I wasn’t born yet. So get ready to take that metaphorically or literally and run with it. A partner will come in handy toward the middle of the month (January 16th) when Susan says something’s going to try to come out of NOWHERE and fuck shit up (blame Uranus, who I know I said I wouldn’t talk about and am done with this sentence) but she is confident we can blast through whatever’s head so long as we think calmly (hahahahah I don’t do that!), act methodically and react swiftly. But that partner, remember? They’ll be your saving grace.

Gemini

Gemini. I can’t lie to you. Things have taken a turn for the strange this round of horoscopes. What started out as an idea to offer up the ONE THING each sign needed to know turned into a whirlwinded fury of subconscious blathering-ons and I just am not too sure if any signs know what the hell is going on, but they’re all sure as hell going to try to make it work. Is that not a true and sort of beautiful metaphor for our human existence, or by George, did I do it again and lose my mind in the jungle? Let’s conduct a poll, shall we? That’s the only real productive thing I’ve managed to accomplish.

When it comes to Repell-o Scopes, do you read them to:

A) Pass the time while getting a wax

B) Actually want to know how to predict your month ahead

C) Have a solid example of what NOT to do with your journalism degree

or D) Waffles

If you chose D, here’s some maple syrup: on January 8th, Jupiter will send a “shimmering signal to the Sun on January 8,” which is a brilliant day to schedule meetings and set up times to talk with VIPs, or anyone who you need to really listen to you, to your ideas, to your greatest existential being. If that meeting was good but not “WOW-IE!,” no worries, January 10th bring even more support from the higher-ups you need to move along your next area of ladder climbing. Susan encourages that you use this time to negotiate and keep negotiating.

“That entire week, from January 6 to 9 will be special for you,” she says, even though the 6th is a weekend and she keeps forgetting this, “but you must make an effort to negotiate finances and make decisions about them.” Apparently tension about money, if you’re feeling any, will let the hell up by the 19th. After that, you’ll turn to travel. Apparently I’m going to be aboard Steve Zissou’s underwater vessel all month so join me, won’t you?

Cancer

Crunchy lovely orange crabs!!! I thought of you the whole time I was home in San Francisco because I brought my man friend who was visiting various tourist destinations and I forgot just how interwoven the theme of the CRAB is into the city. It’s like Maine’s lobster, but not, because it’s the San Francisco crab. (Btw I’m looking at the California bear as we speak — my mom got me a pillow with the bear on it — and the bear seems on board. We’re all friends here!)

Let’s talk ‘scope because my fingers are going numb: A lot of your January horoscope revolved around career and money. All good things because I say so! But!!! You’re positioned to enter a highly romantic period, too, and right now that just feels more festive to type about.

Susan writes, “If you feel the energies of the month in a more romantic way, you may get engaged or married, especially at some point during the first seven days of January (which may have started December 30 or 31, too). A golden triangle will appear in the sky at that time, formed by several heavenly bodies, specifically the moon in Cancer (you), Mars and Jupiter (true love and romance), and Neptune (sumptuous long distance travel). Additionally, in the first ten days of January, your crowd of planets will receive shimmering vibrations from Neptune (inspiration), Jupiter (happiness), and Mars (energy).” It was just a lot which is why I had to copy/paste it. Also, I refuse to pass up an opportunity to read someone else’s words about “shimmering vibrations.”

Anyway, please remember that everything is a metaphor when it comes to horoscopes and “engaged” or “married” can mean whatever you want it to, in whatever field you want it to. For example, I may become “engaged” to a BLT in about four seconds, and I feel like I’m about to get “married” to my couch the moment the clock strikes weekend.

Oh and enjoy all the money you’re due to make at the end of the month!

Leo

Oh you big beautiful cat! Let me comb your mane with my fingers. I just told Virgo down below that I forgot to watch Love, Actually over the holidays. I weirdly watched barely any holiday movies, come to think of it, which makes me sad because I have a pretty strong policy against post-December holiday movie-watching…but if there’s a snowstorm, fuck it, I’ll slip in Family Stone and you can’t stop me! Also, when it comes to holiday movies off-season, am I the only other person who loves Dan in Real Life and doesn’t know where it belongs on the calendar? It’s not a SUPREMELY holiday-ish movie, but it’s also not not one either. Sigh. Anyway, the movie I did watch over the holidays that was slightly holiday-thematic is The Chronicles of Narnia!

You know, I love this music video^ but have always felt that this is a rather active Sunday. Like they go from the West Village to the Upper West Side for a movie? That is a lot of schlepping, mostly because it involves a commitment to being somewhere on time. Kinda gives me Sunday anxiety.

I forgot my point. OH FOUND IT! The lion thing made me think of Chronicles of Narnia, hence the detour, and now we’re here:

Your one thing to know this January round of horoscopes is that January will be a “strenuous month at work,” (Susan said but I know you can handle this!) “so find frequent ways to treat your body, mind, and spirit with care.” Roll your Lion sleeves up, crack your knuckles, get down with the get down toward your road of success and then later that night, have a DIY spa. Ahhh.

Your biggest day of the whole MONTH, just as a heads up, is January 31st. It will bring about a big ol’ conclusion on something major in your life you’ve been working on. Don’t you just love giant bows that wrap things up?

Virgo

Virgo I have a quick poll to run by you, which Virgo-name-pun would have been more funny had I not just felt the need to run it by you?

Would it have been:

A) Virgo-go Power Rangers!

B) Virgo who can’t drive (an homage, of course, to Clueless)

or C) Virgo Mobile/Virgo Airlines

I want to say A or B, feel like I dropped the joke ball on C and more than anything need you Virgos to know that unfortunately, you will probably hear D, all of the above, in the future. As for your great horoscope that is the OPPOSITE of unfortunate, you can kind of just chill a bit and eat pineapples or whatever it is you do in your recreational time until the new moon of January 16th, because on that date, your fifth house of true love is going to be lit ALL THE WAY UP!

Here’s your one thing to know about your sign this month: “With an extraordinary number of heavenly bodies filling this area of your chart,” writes Susan, who should definitely have a cameo in A Wrinkle in Time, I am now convinced, “including the Sun, new moon, Venus, Mercury, Saturn, and Pluto – if single, you will be open to meeting new people. Virgo rarely has unrealistic expectations, especially in matters of the heart, and that will put you in a good position to decide which persons you’d like to meet and know better, as well as which persons to pass up.” If you’re not single, well then get ready to get all Vir-goo-goo eyes at your loved one! Nothing says devotion like staring straight into your loved one’s pores. IT IS A MONTH OF ROMANCE!!! The whole month. All of it. I may have just decided this but don’t I get a say? It’s your life so you certainly do.

January 6th is a good day to start a project and the 31st is going to be extraordinarily relaxing, where love is not concerned. Even though “love, actually … is all around.” Or however that movie goes. I forgot to watch it in December!!!

Libra

Liberace, I hope you can forgive me for making a Liberace joke in another sign, I know that’s usually our thing but I was referencing a glitter jumpsuit or some such nonsense.

Let’s focus, because I promised we’d streamline these ‘scopes this month and if we’re being honest (we always are, aren’t we) I haven’t done the best job streamlining it. I’ve been rambling — realllll rambling man, as they say.

Lotta money for you this month, especially close to January 6th, when “Jupiter, giver of gifts and luck, will conjunct Mars.” (Hi Suz quote!) “This is a rare aspect, for these two Titans of the planetary lineup only happen once every two years, but when they do, the always meet in a different sign. This year these luminaries will meet in your second house of earned income, so you will have the money for any life transitions you might be planning. Take this aspect seriously – it won’t come again until November 24, 2053.”

What the hell is in 2053! What kind of sneakers will you be wearing? WHO WILL BE PRESIDENT? Who’s to say, but let’s pray for great things and until then, enjoy your piles of money. Part of me wants to say spend them wisely but the other part of me is like, “I’m hungry!”

(Okay fine, sure: Susan gives one slight heads-up that come January 16th, you will be happy you have an extra cushion for the pushin’ because you’ll want to spend some cash on your home. She suspects you’re making changes in your “living situation.” Should we talk shelves? Should we talk apartments at large?

One more thing! This month, LOVE IS IN THE AIR AND IT SMELLS LIKE BABY GOATS IN PAJAMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scorpio

Scorpio I hope your pinchy claws can hold umbrellas because you’re going to need to take cover come January 6th: whole lotta MONEY is about to rain down!!!

$$$$$ YAYYYYY $$$$$$$$$$$$$

Mars is in your sign until January 26th, which means at work, it’s time for you to take the lead. People already listen to you, per Suz, but boy oh boy is the floor ever yours and are people watching you! It means that now is your time to shine. Would you like some wine with that cheese?

I was just in Napa and can barely tell you anything about my opinion on which wine selection to choose today, if you were about to ask me. The one that doesn’t taste like vinegar that I just found in my fridge? For real: how long can you drink a bottle of wine after you open it and put the cork back in? How do you know if it “tastes a little funky,” or if it’s straight up poison? Can you cook with bad wine like you can make banana bread with old bananas? All ears in the comments down below.

Actually no! I am not drunk today, thank you for asking!

But, er, what I think I keep attempting to get at is that a lot of your money may come from approved proposals and such because of that floor being yours, and you taking advantage of it. Catch my drift? And you’re scheduled to get an award at the end of the month. That sounds grand. You deserve it. I’ll hang it on my fridge if yours isn’t magnetic!

Sagittarius

Hoorrayyyy half-horsed and behooved friend of mine! If you’ve been working on a big idea, perhaps one that lives behind your gut or within your brain space or within the confines of your computer — wherever — then this is the month for it to begin to see the light of day! “Mars will allow you to push your idea or project out in the open for all to see when it moves into Sagittarius on January 26 to stay until March 17,” writes Thriller.

But I think she uses a key grouping of words there: “Mars will allow you to push your idea,” meaning Mars has its hands out like, “Alright fuckers! Stand back and make way for brilliance!” so that you can charge through like the four-legged cool creature that you are and really make some progress. Fight for your right to party and succeed! It’s all up to you though — that’s what I’m getting at. Sleep now, rest now, so that you’ve got a fire (the safe kind) lit under your butt when it comes time to make moves.

“This will be the most important part of the year for you to push through your biggest ideas,” Susan continues, and I keep quoting her because I’ve lost my damn mind and I like what she has to say today. “You will have the podium, the spotlight, and the microphone; and influential people will sit up and take notice of all you have to say. VIPs will be impressed with your courage, energy, and drive, and will be drawn to want to help you reach your goals. This is no time to be shy or to think on a small scale. You only get Mars every two years in your own sign, and once you have it, as you will starting on January 26, you must use it.”

USE IT ALL, CELESTIAL NEIGH-BOR. I’ll be over here with my chin in my hands, ready to text you a bundle of confetti when you say, “I did it!”

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myzo-calledlife · 7 years

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Corporate Ghosting

As someone who needs near constant attention and validation (stinkin' millennials am I right) there are few things that frustrate me more than being ignored. As I have continued my fruitless job search this has been one of the aspects that has been the most upsetting to me–I have sent out hundreds (literally, hundreds) of applications and emails and cover letters that I have poured my heart and soul into only to be met with radio silence.

In my most recent episode of what I have come to call “Corporate Ghosting” I was in contact with someone from my literal dream company about an upcoming internship when she just out of the blue stopped responding to my emails. I was legitimately ghosted by a corporate entity. I didn’t even know that was something that happened. But it did. And it was painful.

But instead of spending this entire post ranting about my lack of acknowledgement from corporate America (maybe I’ll do that another day we’ll see if I FEEL LIKE IT). I’m going to share some things you can do to take a break when the thought of writing one more cover letter that will almost certainly not be read makes you want to gouge your eyes out.

ALSO guess what my blog my rules so this list is going to be formatted in a super strange stream of consciousness so BUCKLE UP or GET OFF THE RIDE NOW this is your only warning.

THINGS TO DO WHEN ALL OF YOUR EMAILS ARE BEING IGNORED BY CORPORATE AMERICA/YOU HAVE BEEN CORPORATE GHOSTED

Pet your dog (or, in my case, a stranger's dog since my parents care not for my mental well being and never got me a dog)

Take your dog (or a stranger's dog) for a walk

Make sure to ask first if you take a stranger's dog you don’t want to get arrested for dog theft I am not encouraging that

Or MAYBE I AM OK MY BLOG MY RULES

Try out a new recipe

I’ve been making all kinds of crazy stir fries lately maybe I’ll make a post with some recipes if I feel like it

Also I have a bomb ass açai bowl recipe because I am a #healthy human who eats fruit for enjoyment

Protip guys buy some 21 Seasoning Salute from the Lord’s grocery store, Trader Joe’s, and seriously just shake that shit into everything you make and you will feel like a MICHELIN STAR CHEF who knows how to SEASON things and appreciates flavor COMPLEXITY

Go to the gym

Ok I know what you’re thinking “ZOE how DARE you I TRUSTED you to not perpetuate this bullshit” but SERIOUSLY I promise if you pump up some killer “I’m a bad bitch” jams and just go HAM on the elliptical for like a half hour you will seriously feel like you can do anything

Here’s my personal “I’m a Bad Bitch” playlist if you need some inspo

If you really want to feel fancy pick up some weights and do some work on your MUSCLES man get some DEFINITION you will feel like a fitness QUEEN

Watch “The Great British Baking Show”

This show is SO PURE and SO feel good. What's not to love it’s like every show I love on Food Network but what more wholesome. Everyone is competing but also supports each other it’s really just beautiful AND it takes place in the English countryside so there are some #beautiful #landscapes

Also they all have really cute British accents and I love them all

Listen to a Podcast

Seriously there is a podcast for everything and I mean EVERYTHING. I’m probably not the best person to recommend podcasts because I listen pretty exclusively to hockey podcasts BUT seriously go explore the Podcast app on your phone (bet you didn’t know that was there) and you'll almost certainly find something that interests you.

I said I wasn’t gonna give recs but here are a few to get you started because I am a woman of the people: Revisionist History (if lesser known historical events are your jam), Anna Faris Is Unqualified (if you want to laugh your ass off and also feel like Anna Faris is your best friend), and if you’ve seriously been living under a podcast rock, Serial is never a bad place to start.

Also if you want any hockey podcast recs hit me up because that could be a whole separate post

Call your grandpa

This one might be exclusive to me because my grandfather is one of my favorite people on earth, but you can replace that with anyone who always makes you feel better when you talk to them.

Do not underestimate the power of a pick me up from someone who thinks you hung the moon even if you feel like a colossal failure who can’t manage to get a single person to email you back.

Stalk the New and Interesting Finds tab on Amazon

Now chances are you aren’t as passionate as Amazon as I am (few people are as passionate about Amazon as I am) but there is no distraction quite like scrolling through endless pages of whimsical kitchen appliances and mildly creepy animal themed gadgets.

Turn your electronics off for a day

Listen I know all of this “unplugging” mumbo jumbo is annoying and I will KEEP my iPhone glued to my hand if I WANT TO mom but seriously there is something to be said for just letting yourself disconnect for a hot sec. It’s hard to realize it sometimes because it’s so normal for us but being connected all the time is exhausting and not healthy. Take a break, even if it’s just for a few hours.

Watch all of the Harry Potter movies

I HOPE YOU HAVE 20 HOURS just kidding you don’t actually have to watch all of them

I’m really only adding this because I’m currently watching a Harry Potter marathon on Freeform (and seriously when is there NOT a Harry Potter marathon on Freeform these days?)

The early films are really just the best ok God Bless Chris Columbus Sorcerer’s Stone is a beautiful nostalgia inducing GIFT

(also skip HBP because everyone knows that film is a pile of shit)

So there you have it folks, my suggestions for what to do if you can’t bear to send another job application lest you combust into flames. Listen, being ignored is the absolute worst but my mentality is if you send enough out into the void, eventually the void will send something back to you; so here’s to hopefully getting something back one of these days and to staying as sane as we possibly can in the meantime!

Until Next Time,

Zoe

#blog