#barbarians rescue

[jailynn24]

Further along in the Ice Planet Barbarians’ universe and have to say: Lilah and Rokan, Kira and Aehako, Georgie and Vektal are still the worse of the group. I know Lilah and Rokan as well as Kira and Aehako have massive followings but damn- they have the least amount of chemistry of all the couples so far.

It was like reading the back of a cake box that only uses water to spice it up…

I loved Bek and Elly. (The Barbarian’s Redemption) That story was so well written and broke my heart more than once. Elly was such a brilliant character and how she showed Bek what it was like being a slave? Just really hit hard.

Kate and Harrec (The Barbarian’s Lady)- Kate was so sweet and I loved how she found a kindred spirit in Liz (who, let’s face it, is one of my favorite characters). Harrec has always been one of my favorite aliens. I found him adorable in Stacy and Pashov’s book and was really looking forward to his- it didn’t disappoint. His dislike of seeing his own blood and how Kate helped him overcome it made me grin. And I can’t forget the cute little baby snowcat they adopted- my cat loving heart burst at that. I hope we see more of Mr Fluffypuff as the series goes on.

Summer and Warrec (Barbarians Rescue)- well it was fine. Summer started out as really entertaining with her verbal vomit, but toward the mid-point of the book… I was over her. Warrec seemed so much more put together than her and it felt a little forced toward the end. I think they are cute together- but do I think they are one of the best couples… no. I think I rated this book a 3/5 stars because it was decent- just not my favorite.

Lauren and K’thar (Lauren’s Barbarian)- again they were okay. Lauren started to grate on my nerves and the whole- “it’s the end of the world so let’s have repeated sex” trope was played out in this book. I will say Lauren is intelligent and K’thar is sweet. I liked them but I don’t think they rank in my top 15 or even close to it. They were merely alright.

Veronica and Ashtar (Veronica’s Dragon)- I loved this book. I loved how adorably clumsy Veronica was and how fierce Ashtar was. I loved how he knew right away she was meant for him. I loved the friendship with the other aliens he gained at the end. I loved the sweet heat that was between him and Veronica. It was good! Really good! They definitely entered my top ten couples for this universe.

Just started Willa’s Beast… can’t wait to see how I like it. I’ve seen many mixed reviews on it..

[resonanteye]

got wrapped up in something and lost track of an entire month sorry

[ailuromatron]

Introducing Ashton Greymoore-[Lastname], rescued from a storm drain on the 4th of July. So named because he, too, is an orphan with a motley found family, a funky head injury, and a hilariously inconsistent sense of self-preservation.

Also: he Rage. (seriously, he can stop trying to chew on human flesh aaany time now...teething kitten chompers *hurt*)

He's recovering today from surgery to remove his right eye. We hoped it might stabilize while we waited for him to get big enough for anesthesia, but the injuries were too severe. He'll spend the next several days in a cone when he's not actively eating or being held to protect his sutures from being jostled--which means he'll be getting a lot of holding because he looks so miserable with the cone on.

If anyone wants to toss him a little Guidance or Enhance Charisma (or, failing that, Dexterity) in a few weeks when he starts spending time in contact with our four resident adult cats, he'll need all the help he can get.

[venomgaia]

[glitter-bunny420]

My 2022 movie roundup!

Like Willy’s Wonderland, Barbarian is an honourable mention bc even though it came out this year I didn’t watch it until much later.

[bluebeetle]

my durge looks so good in karlachs clothes tho with the cape and the dye job... they look like a supervillain or a really cunty y2k action hero. girl you are never getting your clothes back, sorry

[wolf-eyes-wolf-soul]

@infernaliscor liked for a starter

If Morren hated spiders already, she hated them even more now. What diety thought it would be a good idea to not only make them giants but also allow them to teleport? She was sure she would never get the webbing out of her hair...or the bits of dead spiderling.

Still, they were alive. Worse for wear, but alive. As her eyes scanned her companions her attention was caught by the large tiefling.

"Um, Karlach, are you alright?"

Morren instinctively reached out to touch the tiefling's shoulder before she quickly withdrew it again. She didn't look well. In fact, she looked very green (red?) around the gills, as it was said. The heat rolling off Karlach was like standing beside an open fire. How she managed to suffer it was beyond Morren's imagination. If she was running a fever as well then she would have no way of knowing.

But still, she felt herself shifting from combat to healer mode. After all, it had been her own curiosity which had brought them down into this spider pit in the first place. The least she could do was attend to her allies.

"Maybe you should lie down..." she suggested gently.

[flickchart]

The Top 20 Films of 2022, Reranked A lot can change in a year.

https://www.flickchart.com/blog/the-top-20-films-of-2022-reranked/

[quinnsdndcreations]

My beloved Morkaja is returning to a game soon. She’s an Orc warlock Barbarian. I played her in a Decent to Avernus campaign and she’s coming to a vampire’s land near you!

Yes indeed! Morkaja and her familiar Slobberchops (not pictured) are going to be visiting Barovia! While the transition has taken much of the previous power she had after the time she spent in Avernus, she is still absolutely ready to fight.

[this-is-emzy]

[figuerockfaeth]

ylfa literally meaning wolf….. emily axford werewolf time!!!!!

[miyasanchez7]

MAN-DAR of Atlantis is the first book in a trilogy about the adventures of MAN-DAR. It begins in the present time with Manny Silva traveling to Central America to locate proof of Atlantis in the Mayan pyramids. Manny becomes ill, and in a delusional state, he enters an adventure as MAN-DAR...

[reptileranting]

Mijira, Chapter 8 - Justice is delivered

The cultists had arrayed themselves in the shape of several small triskelions forming into a larger one collectively. Their sacrificial victim was tied up in the midst of this spiral, struggling helplessly. Their dark dance changed directions frequently as they chanted ancient hymns from tomes profane and forbidden. So vile were these tomes that the desks and shelves they were stored on had to be replaced time after time, as their innate hatred for reality cracked and chipped whatever furniture it was rested on. 

Now these monstrous words caused victim and kidnappers alike to bleed from nose, ears and mouth, the heads of the weak willed ones twitching, salivating and foaming as madness tried to overtake them. Runes appeared all over the darkened stone of the cave. They praised their master, a dark shadow from behind reality, who came to twist and plunder this realm. Satisfied, the cult leader then raised his hood.

“Alright you all, great work. Let’s patch each other up and grab a beer until we feel comfortable with taking it a little deeper next time. Don’t forget to muzzle the drakeling!” Widespread cheers and applause resounded as friends ran over to each other, to see if everyone was doing alright. 

After a short pause of mutual care, they ascended winding passages where the faces of their previous victims were transmogrified into agonized monuments to their lord’s glory down into the drinking cave. There the veterans, frail from taxing rituals, had already poured stone mugs to the brim with rum won from distilling the underground beets. The large and plentiful jugs of merriness made the go around, a welcome reprieve from the monotony of mushroom, beet and beetle stews.

It didn’t take long for friendly chatter to erupt. They envisioned their place under the glorious shadow’s rule, kept up on gossip and joked about the recent trends, until finally, the songs every dwarf knew from the rock concerts broke out, echoing perhaps more dissonant but still carried the beauty of dwarven skill, pride and most importantly, community with them.

And suddenly, the square table was flipped over- directly over the head of the cult leader, whose remains splattered over the gathered dwarves. Panic and shock filled what moments before had been a place of merry. Mijira, armored to the best of her abilities, stood in the midst of the crowd. Before they could process what happened, a sword cleaved the two acolytes next to the master and their bodies tumbled to the ground. The dragon rammed the sword into a hero who, fast on his feet, jumped her from behind. 

Some dwarves fled on the spot, others reached for the weapons and the youngest stood there bedazzled. The monster did not wait. It grabbed the large jug of rum nearby and breathed fire out. The dwarves who took too long to act were lit aflame like squat candles in a stormy night. Mijira jumped behind the burning obstacles and crammed stolen cloth into the jug, before taking some of the flame the dwarves offered.

As a spark rose from the jug, she threw it to the newly armed dwarves that stormed at her with fearful anger. Mortified yelps of terror and tears mixed with the stench of burning hair, booze and fat, forcing her to cough. She couldn’t stay here. And the drakeling was below, anyway. Wrestling her sword from the corpse, she retreated downwards, but the few cultists who still followed her did not prove no match, armed with neither protection nor skill.

The scent, heightened by increased fear and stress, was getting ever stronger. It wasn’t long until her hurried pace brought her to the cave and it’s arcane altar. Her nostrils wrinkled at the sight of the occult magic, but she did not stop to ponder it’s designs. Seeing the drakeling bound at the obsidian altar, she lifted him up and severed the ropes holding him with a snap of her jaw, then threw the the muzzle off. The glyhps receded. “Mijira’s apologies. It usually goes smoother. You know where your stuff is?” The bard nodded. “Good” But as she put him down, he remained still.”What do you want from Mijira?”

“I heard the screaming. Saw what you did at the tavern. Why did you fight and kill for me? I don’t have anything to offer. Not really.”

The big reptile remained silent for a moment. “Mijira likes art. Mijira likes to plunder from those rich she can rob with no repercussions. More isn’t to it. Now run, before they get you. Again. Mijira could scare them off, but these are too many and this is their home. Cave up, left exit, there is a river running that goes away from them.”

Wasting no time for empty thanks, the drakeling ran off while Mijira took a pilfered mace to the obsidian altar, smashing it into thousand splinters with wide, repeated swings. Too late did she notice the light coming down from the stairs and the clicking of iron boots. As she turned her head up, a man with blonde hair, white armor and white light closed of the only exit.

Mijira eyed him with great suspicion. “Stranger, you come too late. Mijira has finished and no quarrel with you. Let her go and take what is hers.”

“It is never too late for justice! Vile Dragon, i challenge you to an honorable duel!”

“Save the theatrics. Mijira knows neither honor nor justice. But Mijira fought in self defense, she knows to keep this world. The cultists are dead, their sanctum defiled by my mace.”

“Lies! I sense the evil in you! You are the source of the kingdoms woes, Cult leader! I will hear no more!”

“What woes? Mijira-“

A golden beam of light erupted from the man’s hand. Flying faster than Mijira could react, it pierced straight through her armor and pinned her onto the cave’s walls. Blood exploded from the wound like a volcano, bathing the cave’s walls in red.

“The Godess is with me! Her blessing smites the wicked and avenges the innocent.”

The drake gritted her teeth. She tried to pull the spear out, but touching it burned with a light hotter than fire. She rammed her sword into the ground, and, with no other choice, dragged herself alongside the light’s shaft, raging, clouding, a pain to drive man mad. It was a vain hope. For just as she got free, four more spears rammed into her arms and legs, bone and blood splattering so far, even the paladin’s armor was sprinkled. With another gesture, the man bathed her in a light that burned bright and cruel. Mijra screamed “Enough! You won! I yield.” But the man’s face had grown cold and distant.

“You’ll get as much mercy as you gave, scum!” As her screams turned into a rumbling howl, a grin grew on his face. “I will relent as soon as you cry, reptile. Oh right. Beasts like you can’t. Because you lack a soul. Guess I have to smite one into you.”

And with that, he increased the pain again. Her body, perhaps from an age old instinct taught to her species by the sadist demesians, passed out when it became clear that there was nothing but pain to gain here.

As the monster fell to the ground, the man shook with exhaustion. Activating his full power was sure a lot of work. As his hair returned to normal, he hastened over to the drake. It had been a hard fight, after all. She might be in mortal danger. Indeed, the wounds his spear had wrought were quite deep, despite their merciful nature. Much longer and he wouldn’t have been able to save her. Quickly laying his hands on her, he closed the multiple wounds. From above, the dwarves came in. Worry changed to relief as they saw him over the defeated drake and the man applauded.

“Defeating a drake! Well done, champion! That’s not something you see every day here.” He humbly bowed. “Don’t thank me, thank the gods for giving me the courage to fight.” The dwarves laughed, as the sturdiest, the one who taught their champion, lifted his axe, going towards Mijira with a clear intent in his eye. The human, with some new won confidence, placed his gauntlet on the guard’s shoulders.

“No. We are better than her. She will experience the justice of the law. And just perhaps, learn from example. We must take the moral high ground.”

The dwarf looked at him with a very skeptical glance. “If you say so, sir. But mark my words: This’ll be trouble.”

“If it’s trouble, I can, godess willing, take it.”

[flowersandbigteeth]

Orc boyfriend with what he thinks is a tiny, smol mate who's so smol, so delicate, so sweet... They're actually pretty firmly built for a human, while a bit short, along with being stubborn and sassy and ready to bite heads off for their adorable XL size boyfriend.

I've got so many orc stories going right now, but you know I'm not mad about it ^_^ I love Orcs <3 There are so many different ways to write them. I have another couple of Orc asks I'm working on, as well 🥵

Orc (Cedar) x thick f reader

Word Count: 5K

Tw: sfw orc fluff, some brief descriptions of battle, brief mention of sa, size difference

More monster fluff here

“Put the stick down, sugar. We’re not going to hurt you.” 

You scoffed at the soldiers circling you, their eyes dark with lust. 

“We just want to have some fun,” another said, his eyes drifting over your shapely hips. “Don’t you owe us a debt of gratitude for rescuing you?”  

You squeezed the iron fire poker that you had gripped in your hand. 

“Rescuing me? You didn’t get your rocks off burning down the damn village?” 

“It was a strategic maneuver,” the leader of the armored men said with an oily smile. “We are here to liberate you.” 

“By assaulting me?” you snapped. 

There was not a doubt in your mind that the second you lowered your weapon, they were going to drag you into some dark corner and act out all of the sick thoughts they had echoed on their faces. 

Your King’s soldiers weren’t good guys. When they heard there was an Orc camp nearby, they couldn’t be bothered to attack it directly. Instead, they burned down your village. They said it was to prevent them from resupplying. 

It was true you did business with the Orcs, who were technically your enemy, but they never acted like enemies. While big and quite scary-looking, they paid in gold and were always polite to the women running the shops. You never felt the least bit unsafe alone with one, and occasionally, they’d help you out with things that needed done– fixing roofs and cartwheels. The men of the town had all been conscripted for the war, so it mostly the ladies keeping the village afloat. The soldiers had made a whole lot of children and the elderly homeless. 

“Come on, sweetie, this game is getting tiresome.” 

One of the soldiers dared to approach you, and you didn’t hesitate a second, swinging your poker and smacking him so hard in the head that his helmet crunched. He collapsed on the broken boards that had once been the floor of your little noodle shop. 

“Now that’s a crime!” the leader barked.

He waved to his accomplices. 

“Get in there and restrain her!” Their eyes fell on the collapsed soldier, and they looked between one another, trying to sort out who was next to get a whomping. 

You flexed your wrist, preparing to swing at whoever came at you next, when you heard the heavy steps of an Orc approaching. The soldiers were too inexperienced to know what that sound meant. You’d heard them approach every day at dinner time for several months. It wasn’t until he was shouldering his way through what was left of your door that they took notice. 

“The enemy approaches! Your swords!” 

The Orc you knew as Ash, wrinkled his brow and let out a lilting call to gather his brethren. The ground rumbled as more heavy feet ran towards you. 

Wood splintered, and what remained of the ceiling creaked as they tore the walls away, making more room for a fight. 

Faced with five nine-foot Orc barbarians armed with axes almost as big as their bodies, the soldiers tried to run for it. You screamed as they threatened to trample you, trying to force their way through the back wall, but they never reached you. 

The Orcs didn’t need to draw their weapons, grabbing every soldier and smacking them against the ground until they stopped moving—a gruesome way to die, but practical. 

When the danger was crumpled into a wet gnarl of bones and metal, their eyes turned to you. Ash said something to his friends in their own language before he stomped across the room and plucked you up like a kitten, cradling you in his arm. 

“Hey, What do you think you’re doing?!” 

“Quiet, little one. You’ll give us away.” 

You puckered your lips at him, annoyed, as if the stomping of five tons of muscle was quiet. When you tried to wave your poker at him, he plucked it out of your hand but didn’t drop it, tucking it instead in his belt. He said something else to his friends before turning to split away from them. 

You had no reason to panic. The Orcs had never harmed you, but being taken away from the group put frightening thoughts in your head, and you instinctively started screaming. 

The Orc sighed, sounding tired, when four more soldiers came skidding around a corner, swords in hand. You looked up at him apologetically, smacking your hand over your mouth to stay the scream that didn’t want to stop. 

He set you on the roof of what was left of a building and pat you on the head, a gesture that you read as “stay” before pulling out his axe. You weren’t going anywhere, even if you wanted to. The drop was fifteen feet down, and the stairs were just charcoal at the base of the building. 

“Attack!” the leader of the soldiers shouted, but their moves in their heavy metal armor were slow. Ash swung his arm in a sweeping stroke that sliced four of them in half where they stood. The other one, eyes wide with horror, turned tail and ran. 

Replacing his axe, he picked you up again and headed into the woods. This time, you had enough sense to keep quiet. 

You’d never been to the Orc camp before, but you heard it before you saw it. The brassy sound of a grinder and hammers on metal rang through the trees, blended with the shouts of the Orcs in their language.  There were lots of huge tents and fires spotted here and there. The camp was buzzing with activity. Orcs ran around shouting at one another, some gathering weapons, some sending groups in the direction you came. You recognized many of them as some of your customers. They often came in groups and hauled away vats of the noodle stew you sold. 

A few Orcs waved at Ash but didn’t pay you much mind as he carried you to the nicest-looking tent. It had a banner outside of it with a gold bear embroidered into the fabric. Ash set you on the ground at the door and handed you your poker before patting you on the back, indicating you should go in. 

“What’s in there?” you asked. 

He said something in Orcish that you didn’t understand and walked away. There were too many other giants around to attempt an escape, so you pulled aside the fur covering the door and peeked inside. 

“Hello?” 

Your question was returned with a deep voice, smooth as a glassy pond. 

“Enter, little one.” 

Taking a few steps inside, you were faced with what you could only describe as the most handsome Orc you’d ever seen. His skin was a deep olive, and his hair fell over his shoulder in a long, dark sheet with small braids here and there. His tusks were large, but they seemed only to highlight how well his lips were formed. His features were harsh and defined but not unattractive, with a straight nose and deep-set gold eyes. The only thing you could point out as a flaw was a dark scar from his forehead to the right corner of his jaw. 

You assumed the Orcs were blunt tools, sprinting into battle with no real plan, but this one was sitting at a high table examining maps with a book in his hand. 

“I’m…I’m not sure why I’m here,” you said, brandishing your poker, though you didn’t feel like you were in any particular danger. 

“I asked Ash to fetch you,” he said without looking up. “You’re the noodle shop woman.” 

“My name is (Y/N), not “noodle shop woman,” and I don’t have a shop anymore. The soldiers burned it.” 

He put his book down and turned his gold eyes to you. 

“That’s why you’re here.” 

“I don’t understand.” 

His eyes drifted over you before they settled on the poker you were still holding up. 

“You were feeding most of the camp. If there’s no shop to visit, you can make noodles here.” 

You blinked up at him. 

“Oh…Am I your prisoner?” 

He chuckled. 

“If you’d like to go back to your people, I won’t stop you, but judging how they burned down your village without hesitation, I think you’re safer with us.” 

You had to admit that made some sense, but you still weren’t buying it. 

“I can’t stay here with you!” 

He tipped his head, the corner of his lip twitching up slightly. 

“Why is that, little one?” 

You narrowed your eyes at him. 

“First of all, I’m NOT little, and second, an Orc camp is no place for a lady.” 

A shudder that had nothing to do with fear shot down your spine as his eyes moved over your body. He crossed the room, scooping you up, and setting you on his table. Your feet dangled far from the ground. 

“What- What are you doing?” you snapped, waving your weapon at him. 

“My neck was hurting from looking down at you. You’re very short.”

The sparkle in his eyes told you he was teasing you, which drew heat to your cheeks. 

“Maybe compared to you. You’re unnecessarily large. What are you doing with all of that muscle? Are you going to arm wrestle your books?” you pouted, eyes drifting to the massive bicep peeking out of the fur vest he wore. 

He laughed out loud, gracing you with a wide smile. 

“You’ll fit right in here.” 

You raised your nose at him, trying to look unconvinced. 

“Where will I even sleep? All of your tents are big and drafty.” 

“Since you’ve declared your intention to court me, I wouldn’t mind if you slept here.” 

“Declared my intention to— Where did you get that idea?” 

He flicked a fingertip at your poker. 

“In the old days, Orc females came to their males' tent and threatened them into submission with their favorite weapon.” 

Your cheeks burned like hot irons, and you almost dropped it. 

“Well…I’m not trying to court you. It’s for protection.” 

He snorted at you but nodded his head. 

“If you say so, little one, but it will be much warmer in my tent if it’s drafts you’re worried about.” 

“I don’t even know your name. Ash called you something in your language. I didn’t understand…” 

He examined one of the feet you had dangling over the edge of his table. Compared to his big hand, it was tiny. 

“Cautalin, it means something close to general in your language, but you can call me Cedar. That’s what my mother named me.” 

Your eyes traveled over his barrel chest and thick arms. 

“Seems about right,” you said, finally setting your poker down. 

He picked it up, looked it over, and tested the weight in his hand. 

“Not a bad choice,” he said. “Light but effective.” 

You glanced up at him through your eyelashes, feeling cheeky. 

“Do you feel like submitting?” 

You watched a flicker of heat ignite in his eyes, and he slowly set it down. 

“Come on, let's get you to bed, killer.” 

He picked you up again, walking you over to a large pallet covered in furs. 

“This is your bed.” 

He gave you another smile. 

“We’re in the middle of a battle; I won't be sleeping tonight. It's all yours.” 

Though you weren't quite sure about sleeping in his bed, weariness overtook you at the sight of the comfortable, cozy furs, and you crawled in, wrapping yourself up to your chin in blankets. 

He put your poker next to you and blew out the candle, slipping out the front flap as you dozed. 

— 

You woke to yelling, but not the sound of battle. Crawling out of your furs, you picked up your poker and peeled out of the flap Cedar used as a door. Another Orc you didn't recognize was the one yelling, and Cedar had his arms crossed, looking bored. 

Your eyes drifted to about twenty women, elderly, and children, cowering in the chilly morning air, their faces streaked with soot from the fire.

“They’re our enemies!” the strange Orc barked. 

“Really, Asvoth? Are you really afraid of a handful of children and their mothers?” 

“This is a war camp, not a nursery.” 

“It's my camp, not yours. They stay.” 

“I outrank you. I can take your command.” 

Cedar snorted. 

“Yet the King hasn't trusted you with a unit of your own. You're nothing more than an errand boy with a fancy title. Any of these children could take your job.” 

Asvoth’s face turned a deep forest green from both embarrassment and indignation. He yanked the sword he wore on his back to his hand. Without thinking, you hopped in front of Cedar, waving your poker at the intruder. You had no idea why, a fact you only considered after you’d already put yourself in harm's way. Still, you'd made your move so the only thing to do was follow through. 

“You heard Cedar! We’re not leaving! Get on if you know what's good for you!” 

Asvoth sprung forward, dropping his sword toward your head. Your eyes squeezed shut, preparing for pain, but there was only the clang of metal. Opening one eye, you glanced up to see Cedar’s axe blocking the other Orc’s blow. 

There was a moment when you thought Asvoth might overtake him, but Cedar’s muscles weren't all for show. He shoved the other Orc back, and he toppled over, landing on his butt in the dirt. His sword landed in front of the children with a CLANG. 

“Woah!”  the little ones cheered, circling around it like it was a strange animal. 

A few of them tried to pick it up, but it was far too heavy, making their eyes pop even wider.

Cedar nodded at him, and a pair of Orcs from the camp dragged Asvoth up by the collar of his tunic, pushing him towards the forest.  

“I'm reporting this!” He shouted over his shoulder as he stumbled towards the woods. 

Cedar waved a hand at one of his Orcs, beckoning him closer. 

“You and Orin follow him and make sure the King gets our side of the story, not his.”  

When the situation seemed settled, Cedar looked down at you and patted your head. 

“Thank you for your protection, little suitor,” he said with a smirk. 

Your cheeks blew up in flames, but you puffed your chest and looked at the children watching Ash pick up the abandoned sword. They hopped around him like little bunnies, begging him to teach them to use it. 

“I have no idea what you mean! I’m here to make noodles! Point me in the direction of my kitchen! These little mouths are probably hungry.” 

He chuckled, but guided you with a large hand on your back to a large tent filled with whatever food supplies they had rescued from the village. You wrinkled your nose at the primitive workspace, but there were enough flour and eggs to work with. You were surprised to find someone had stuck in a lower table, perfect for your height. After washing your hands in a water basin, you got to cooking. 

“What are you still doing here?” you asked Cedar, who had plopped down in a chair and was reading a book. 

He smiled. 

“Reading.” 

You blinked at him, putting your floury fists on your hips. “Are you surveilling me? I’m not going to poison you all! I have to eat this too, you know.” 

He tipped his head to the side, his gold eyes sparkling in the makeshift hearth. 

“The sound of cooking is soothing. I liked to study in the kitchen while my mother cooked when I was a boy.” 

You looked him up and down. 

“I can’t imagine you as a child.” 

You thought for a second, tapping your chin. 

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen an Orc child, actually.” 

He looked back down at his book, shifting in his seat to get comfortable. 

“You will,” he said as he flipped a page. 

Your brow wrinkled at that nebulous statement, but you knew everyone was hungry after the long night, so you got back to work. 

By midmorning, you had a stewpot big enough to feed an army filled with noodles, vegetables, and what little bit of venison the Orcs had been able to hunt between the battle. 

“All done,” you said, clapping your hands and creating a puff of flour in the air. 

Cedar got up and shouted something to his men, and two Orcs appeared to carry the big vat into the central circle so it could be served. You felt a sense of satisfaction when all the bowls were passed out and the children, tired humans, and bloodied Orcs were eating. The mothers spoke quietly between one another, while the children could hardly sit still, their big eyes following the Orcs every movement. 

“Here.” 

You looked up to find Cedar holding a bowl out to you. A grumbling stomach had you accepting it, and he patted the seat next to him for you to sit down. The two of you ate quietly for a moment before you asked him a question. 

“What are you going to do with all of us?” 

“Hmm?” he asked. 

“Well, I mean when the battle is over. We have nowhere to go. Our town is destroyed.” 

He looked at the children who, after scarfing down their bowls, were engaged in some game with Ash. 

“I was hoping you would all return to our capitol city with us. That’s where we live when we’re not fighting.”

Your eyebrows jumped. 

“To the Orc city? We’re humans. Don’t your people hate us?” 

He shrugged. 

“There are some weak minds who reveal their own fragility with their hate, but the rest of us like your kind. This whole war started because we wished to create allies amongst the humans.” 

“What? The soldiers said you attacked!” 

He chuckled. 

“Your king has a very effective propaganda engine. That’s probably the only thing about him that is effective. We sent a delegation party to him to discuss our interest in mingling with you humans. You all are prolific; despite your size, you’re a sturdy bunch. We thought marriages would bolster our numbers and strengthen your stock. Your King attacked, and we were forced to defend ourselves. The force that attacked us was decimated, and he declared war.” 

“You mean…you wish to mate with us?” 

His eyes slid down to you, and he gave you a sharp nod. 

“Is that so surprising?” 

You thought about it for a moment. 

“I don’t know…Maybe a little. You’re so strong. You’re not afraid we’ll diminish you?” 

His thick hand cupped your chin and rubbed some flour away with his thumb. Your heart raced at his touch. 

“Size is not what makes us strong. Our strength lies in our unbreakable bonds. Your King will be defeated, not because his forces are less than ours, but because he orders his men to betray his own people.” 

He nodded towards the children, who were playing chicken fight on Ash and another Orc’s shoulders. 

“They will remember it was men who burned down their village, stole their fathers from them, assaulted their mothers and Orcs who took them in, fed them, and helped them smile again. 

“I suppose you’re right,” you agreed. 

His smile widened. 

“I will remember you took up arms to protect me against an enemy twice your size. You belong among the us.” 

Suddenly the wool dress you wore was much too hot. 

“I should go wash these before the next meal,” you squeaked, grabbing his empty bowl and scurrying away.

Once safe in the kitchen tent, you pressed your hand against your chest, trying to still your heart. Why did Cedar make you feel so fluttery? You’d never felt this way around anyone before. You usually kept to yourself and steered clear of romance. It had to be the battle, you decided. You were still hyped up from the night before. In a day or so, you were sure it would pass. 

Dunking empty bowls in ice-cold river water helped cool your thoughts as you tried to focus on what to make for dinner. The Orcs stocks were pretty hefty, but they and the children ate a lot. You’d noticed many of the parents tipping some of their bowls into their little one’s, making sure they were fed properly in case the next meal didn’t come. 

It saddened you it had to be this way. What horrible person decides to burn down their own citizens' village? Who was the King even protecting you from? Not the Orcs, that’s for sure. 

A loud rabble outside dragged your attention away from the dishes, and you picked up your poker before peeking your head outside. 

A few Orc scouts were speaking in rapid Orcish to Cedar. When they paused, his eyes immediately looked around for the children and frowned before he spoke to you all. 

“The human King has sent reinforcements. They will close on our camp by nightfall.” 

The mothers all gathered their children to their skirts, looking weary. 

“Women and children to the kitchen tent! We will keep you safe, but you must stay hidden!” 

You made way as a small stampede of humans rushed past you, many pushing their children to hide under the table. 

“What’s happening?” You asked Cedar as people and Orcs rushed around. 

He scrubbed his hand over his jaw, looking disturbed. 

“Someone ran back to your King with a story that we’d kidnapped you, not taken you in from starving in a burnt-down village. We will win this fight, but then we will have to make the journey back to the capitol. They will keep attacking if they think you’re within their grasp. Do you think you can explain this to your people? We don’t intend to take anyone by force, but I wouldn’t trust the King’s soldiers.”

“Yes, of course. Whatever you need.”

You hurried back to the kitchen, where the humans were muttering to one another. 

“Should we flee to the forest?” Isla, the former town candlemaker, asked. “Can we depend on the Orcs to protect us?” 

Another woman scoffed. 

“We can’t trust anyone. These Orcs are kind now, but they’ll sell us out at the drop of a hat.” 

Linda, a quiet woman who worked as a weaver, whimpered. 

“But we’ll starve in the forest alone. Word is the King’s men have raized every town for fifty miles!” 

You inserted yourself into the conversation, holding up your hands. 

“No one needs to escape to the woods. The Orcs are going to take us back to their capitol to keep us safe.” 

Linda squeaked in horror. 

“The Orc capitol?! Where they can enslave us?!” 

“They have no plan to enslave you. Don’t you want your children to be safe? We will be safe behind their walls!” 

“Or…when the King takes the city we’ll all be hung as traitors!” 

“Shawna, don’t put that in her head. Linda, we’ll be fine. I trust Cedar.” 

You paused on that thought, realizing not only was it true, it didn’t make any sense. You’d only just met him. Your conversation was interrupted by the shouting of men outside. 

“We’ll talk about this later,” you hissed, “Here, take this.” 

You armed the humans with whatever haphazard weapons you could find, mostly butcher knives and skillets. 

Outside, you could hear the clang of weapons and the squelching sounds of metal piercing flesh. 

“What's happening?” Linda asked, trying to get around you so she could peek out of the tent flap. 

“Stay back!” You barked. “If they see us, we’re in trouble!” 

You could tell she was losing it, hopping from one foot to another, her hands getting slippery on her knife. 

“No, no, no,” she whimpered. “I don’t want to go with the Orcs. Even a human monster is better than them!” 

Before you could grab her, she skipped through the doorway, running wildly into the fray. The other humans gathered around you, their opinions spilling out like loose marbles. 

“What is she thinking?!” 

“Linda, come back!” 

“Let her go, she’s nuts.” 

You clenched your jaw, squeezing your iron poker. 

“She’s scared. I’ll go get her…you all stay put!” 

Before anyone could stop you, you darted after her, trying to catch sight of her red skirt through the mess of armour-clad humans and massive Orcs. The King had sent a much larger force than the one that had burned down your village. The battle around you was brutal. You almost slipped on a puddle of blood, your eyes frantically searching for Linda. 

You found her pointing her knife with shaking hands at a human soldier. 

“What are you doing? I’m a human, too!” 

“The King ordered you all dead!” he snarled, raising his sword at her. “No witnesses! Come on, do your duty to the kingdom, and die quietly!” 

Panicking, you launched yourself at him, whacking him with your poker as you barreled into him. The two of you went down, metal clashing as you fell and dropped your weapons. Both of you scrabbled for purchase in the blood-soaked earth. You could hear Linda screeching beside you as you tried to overpower the soldier. His armor, now slick with mud, made it impossible to get a hold of him, and he triumphantly dragged himself to his sword, clumsily grabbing it by the blade and flinging it in your direction. You saw the metal flash in the firelight before pain exploded between your eyes, and your vision went black. 

—

“Please tell me she’s not dead,” you heard Linda’s voice from far away. 

Isla scoffed. 

“You’d better hope she’s not, Linda. This is all your fault!” 

“I'm sorry!” she simpered, “I made a mistake! I thought the soldiers were here to free us!” 

“Free us from what? A good meal and a safe place to sleep?”

You dragged your eyelids open, vision blurry for a moment before it cleared. 

“What…what happened?” you murmured. 

“She’s awake!” Isla gasped. 

You felt her cool hands against your cheek. 

“Take it slow, here; have some water.” 

She pushed a tin cup into your hands, and you wet your palette with a few sips. Looking around, you were surrounded by the humans, all looking very concerned. 

“Is everyone okay?” you asked. 

Isla smirked, and the other women tittered a bit. 

“Thanks to you, I suppose. That chieftain or warlord or whatever saw you get knocked in the head and went berzerk. He killed most of the soldiers all by himself.” 

Another woman poked her head out of the tent. 

“She’s okay! You guys can untie him!” 

“Untie who? Is the battle over?” 

Isla nodded.

“Yeah, all the soldiers are dead. We’ve all been waiting for you to wake up so we can move the camp before the King sends anymore. Can you believe he ordered them to kill us? I guess so he could claim the Orcs did it and get more support for the war.”

She smirked at you. 

“And as for who's tied up, your Orc friend thought you were dead. The others had to tie him up so he wouldn’t go on a rampage. He was ready to storm the King’s stronghold! You ought to see the ropes they had to use…thick as your waist!” 

You heard the roll of stomping feet, and Cedar burst through the tent flap. His hair was wild, and his tunic was red with blood. He fell to his knees in front of you, holding his hands as if he couldn’t decide if you were safe to touch. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, carefully prodding the bandage you had wrapped around your head. “That monster didn’t do any permanent damage, did he?” 

“She’ll have a scar,” Isla said, “but I think she’s fine.” 

Cedar’s face lightened, pulling you towards him, his big arms wrapping around you. 

“Thank the goddess,” he sighed with a heavy breath. “I thought they’d taken you from me.” 

He cupped your cheeks between his palms when he finally let you go. 

“You are so stupidly brave, little one,” he gasped, eyes wet. “You have more honor than your people deserve.” 

Behind him, Isla waved the women out of the tent, leaving the two of you alone. Not used to so much intimate attention, your cheeks warmed, and you weren’t sure where to look. 

“I just didn’t want Linda to get hurt,” you muttered. 

He gave you an odd smile, scooping you out of the cot you’d woken up in. 

“Once I get you to our home in the capitol, I’m going to have to keep you locked up for your own safety,” he said, patting your head. 

You looked up at him from where you were tucked, leaning on his bicep. 

“Our home?” 

He grinned at you, counting on his fingers. 

“First step to Orc courting: Threaten your desired with your weapon. Done. Step two: Allure them with your cooking skills, cooking or hunting something delicious. Done. And the final step: Display your honor through a grand act of bravery. Done! You’ve effectively and thoroughly seduced me, little one! All that’s left is to take you home!” 

He tipped your chin up with one thick finger and dipped his head to press his lips against yours. Your whole body felt like it was made of butterflies, every nerve flickering with excitement. Despite being covered in blood and mud, his kiss tasted like honey and sage. It felt like a warm cup of tea on a chilly morning. Your eyelashes fluttered shut and you sank into his warmth, despite yourself, happy to be alive and in his arms.

“Oh!” you gasped as he straightened his neck.

Your mouth fell open, unsure what to say. Before you could think of anything, Cedar carried you out of the tent, shouting orders at his men to pack up the camp so you could leave for the capitol.

[buzzdixonwriter]

I Blather On -- Twice!

Can’t get enough of me? Well, if you a glutton for punishment (or just a glutton for puns) I’m interviewed twice this week:

Dollar Bin Bandits

and

G.I. Joe: Muh Toys (& Freedom)

[spanishskulduggery]

Baldur's Gate 3 - Non-binary Translation in Spanish

A while back I had mentioned that when I learned how to change language settings for Baldur's Gate 3, I was curious to learn how they would adapt the non-binary [no binario] option into Spanish since Spanish (like many Romance Languages) is very gendered

What I saw actually surprised me a bit

Usually in game translations with different genders, English tends to treat you as a "they" even though it's usually male or female; and in Spanish most of the lines are gendered, or phrased in a very ambiguous way in translation like speaking of your character as una persona "a person" rather than "he" or "she", or "they"

This is one of the first times I've seen the gender neutral -e endings used in an official setting

-

For the purposes of this, and any future posts on this, I decided I would try to play as a non-binary gnome cleric. I should also mention that when you start up the game in Spanish and you do the character customization, everything starts you with the base word (i.e. masculine by default, or possibly agender but looks masculine)... as in you can choose to be elfo "elf", semielfo "half-elf", humano "human", semiorco "half-orc"... choose between bárbaro "barbarian", mago "wizard", brujo "warlock" and so on

My default character creation screen read gnomo, clérigo for "gnome cleric"

But the way your character is addressed by others is what changes

The first NPC you interact with is "Us" a little brain thing you can choose to help. If you do it calls you "friend":

Nosotros: Somos libres. Tenemos nuestra libertad. amigue Us: We are free. We have our freedom. Friend [nb].

The word used is amigue

For the sake of understanding Spanish grammar, you probably know amigo/a "friend". The G here is a hard G. The gender neutral ending is E... but the combination of GE is pronounced like an H sound in Spanish [la gelatina "gelatin" for example is like "hel-a-ti-na"]. To preserve that hard G sound, you have to add a UE to it... so amigo/a becomes amigue for non-binary

[if you study Spanish this is the exact same grammar you'll see in turning -gar verbs into subjunctive forms; why pagar would turn to pague]

The next person you come across is Lae'zel:

Lae'zel: Tsk'va. No eres une sierve. ¡Vlaakith me bendijo en el día de hoy! Juntes, tal vez podamos sobrevivir. Lae'zel: Tsk'va. You are no thrall [nb]. Vlaakith blessed me today ["on this day of today"; emphatic]. Together [nb plural], we may (yet) survive.

Interestingly, there's first siervo/a meaning "servant" or "serf" or "thrall"

What I found very interesting was that you have une... un and una being "a" are used for indefinite articles; the non-binary form seems to be une

What threw me off though was seeing juntes... now junto/a is "together" [lit. "joined"] but juntes implies a non-binary plural.

I don't know if this is because in Spanish grammar it would imply that non-binary trumps feminine [the way amigos "friends" could be male+female or multiple male, as opposed to amigas "friends" being all female]... or if it's maybe an error or something else; the game treats Lae'zel as a woman in every other regard so I think it's the first one which is a situation I somehow hadn't considered. I had just assumed it would be juntos ...or juntas if you played female

Next I decided to rescue Gale first because he uses a lot of adjectives/professions and I wanted to see what they looked like:

Gale: No serás clérigue por casualidad, ¿verdad? ¿Médique? ¿Cirujane? ¿Increíblemente hábil con una aguja de tejer? Gale: You wouldn't happen to be a cleric, right? A doctor/medic? Surgeon? Unbelievably skilled with a knitting needle?

First is clérigo/a "cleric" being used in non-binary as clérigue. Similarly we have médique which is the non-binary médico/a for "medical doctor"

[just like above C turned to QUE to preserve a hard C/K sound; you'll see this with subjunctive and even preterites of -car verbs... why atacar "to attack" will turn to ataqué "I attacked" and ataque in subjunctive... because CE has a soft S sound in Latin America, and can be lisped in Spain]

And next is cirujane... the word cirujano/a is "surgeon"

Finally important note - hábil being "able" or "skilled" is a unisex adjective, so there is no change in any gender - masculine, feminine, or non-binary

*Note: I did miss it but at some point someone used the article le to describe my character. The el and la "the" are the masculine and feminine definite articles; le is non-binary "the" which still catches me by surprise because it looks French to me

-

I've been told since I made the original post that people have seen the non-binary E ending used in other things, but this was special for me to see. I'm curious how the other gendered languages available treated non-binary options

It was a fun surprise for me, especially for some modern day Spanish linguistics in a VERY big modern game, with non-binary word choices being heavily prominent. It's a bit of a learning experience for me

If I find any more fun examples of NB language being used I'll let y'all know as I go