#barely coherent rant

[malaak]

objectively im not fine or doing well at all at the moment i need to get my shit together and get better . yes my bald spots triggered my motivation/anxiety 😕

[dcmcboxers]

why does it feel like trans mascs are assumed to be binary by default? That feels like a projection.

and that's wild to me because at least in my and my partner's experience, we look at masculinity as it is and say "something in here is salvageable and we're going to make up the rest."

This is also why my childhood experiences (have to) matter. The implied idea, the one that kept me closeted for so long, that embracing masculinity is embracing evil, essentially, means I spend a lot of time thinking about how I do and don't want to be a man? I see myself bringing in what I think is missing from masculinity based on my experiences growing up. And having to carry what absolllutellyyyy sucked about it with me. These mannerisms, interests, values, ways of speaking and thinking- I'm not interested in pasting over those actually. And they will always mark me as gnc.

[loreetperso]

I have watched a video about How Star Trek: Picard ruins Star Trek. I don't necessarily agree it ruins the entire franchise, but mostly because you can always ignore it. Retcon happens all the time and its not like the Star Trek timeline have always been carefully constructed.

I mean they use to stumble upon godlike entity all of the time in the freaking days, even in TNG. And they just... mostly gotten away without explanation, and nobody really question it. Anyway, that's not what I want to talk about. Angela Collier is right about the show being bad, and I agree with her through most of the video. Except... I mostly enjoyed ST: Picard. I never really though the show was good, but I enjoyed it. I had some frustrations with it too, but I was not as annoyed by them as Angella was. Part of it probably comes from the fact I hadn't watch TNG at the time. I'm halfway through it now, for reference. But I think part of it is my standards are a bit low... Space shows aren't exactly common, they are a thing I love in itself, so I was blinded by the shinnies. Also the kind of action seen it Picard is probably something I'm too confortable with? What I mean is this show is a shiny shell void of anything that made Star Trek interesting in the first place. It's dumb fun, but maybe this doesn't have to be Star Trek. Maybe it really shouldn't be.

I won't just paraphrase the video, it's a bit long but it's a good video. The point is, it's a bad show, but I enjoyed it and I didn't question it. And it wouldn't be too bad for a new franchise, but Star Trek has a legacy. A legacy build on bad first season leading to eventual very good shows, a legacy of though provoking stories, of politic statements, about a bright hopeful future... This is not what Picard is and it bothers me that it didn't bothered me watching it. It bothers me because it is a bastardization of a show that was special, and the new live Star Trek shows are loosing that specificity. Even Star Trek Strange New Worlds in some extent. The animated shows are doing much better. Anyway, all this to say what? ST Picard is not doing arm, not really to the canon of Star Trek, but to Star Trek as a franchise and to Star Trek as a narrative. You can always ignore part of a canon, but when the new stuff being produce is changing the narrative, you can't keep using its name in any meaningful way. At some point, Star Trek become just about whatever the new show-runner/producer want it to be about. It's just another settings, void of meaning.

And I don't want that. But it's difficult to recognize it's bad while I'm feeling entertain, even if I do recognize the show is bad. Certainly lacking a frame of reference made it harder to see what was lost. So people starting watching Star Trek with new Trek... probably won't see what is lost until they watch a bunch of old Trek. And it sucks, because it feels like homework, and we shouldn't have to do homework to watch a show. But I think we should very much care about a franchise legacy, even if we are not familiar with it. We should try to understand how things are changed. Because the producers don't care about it, so if we don't then... we'll just end up with a bunch of shiny empty shells.

[blueskittlesart]

*sigh* thoughts on Nintendo's botw/totk timeline shenanigans and tomfoolery?

tbh. my maybe-unpopular opinion is that the timeline is only important when a game's place on the timeline seriously informs the way their narrative progresses. the problem is that before botw we almost NEVER got games where it didn't matter. it matters for skyward sword because it's the beginning, and it matters for tp/ww/alttp (and their respective sequels) because the choices the hero of time makes explicitly inform the narrative of those games in one way or another. it matters which timeline we're in for those games because these cycles we're seeing are close enough to oot's cycle that they're still feeling the effects of his choices. botw, however, takes place at minimum 10 thousand years after oot, so its place on the timeline actually functionally means nothing. botw is completely divorced from the hero of time & his story, so what he does is a nonissue in the context of botw link and zelda's story. thus, which timeline botw happens in is a nonissue. honestly I kind of liked the idea that it happened in all of them. i think there's a cool idea of inevitability that can be played with there. but the point is that the timeline exists to enhance and fill in the lore of games that need it, and botw/totk don't really need it because the devs finally realized they could make a game without the hero of time in it.

[hatsunedidnothingwrong]

Barely coherent Hatsune thoughts as of episode 12

Still stuck in the realization that Hatsune probably didn't have a place to stay in the island. I mean, her birth mother just up and left for the main land seemingly without warning or leaving anything behind; we didn't hear a WORD about Uika on the island. Hatsune said she was working as a live-in caretaker, the house she was in was probably where she was working; and that just leads to an entire rabbit hole of questions (who is she taking care of? How did she get the job so quickly? If she didn't get it, WOULD SHE HAVE A PLACE TO SLEEP?)

But the main thing that gets me is that literally nobody in the family Hatsune grew up with came to help or lend a hand to her; and she seemed so resigned to where she ended up in that it's as if she never dared to even dream of another possibility, of being chosen ("to not be chosen is to die", never let Hatsune watch Mawaru Penguindrum), of Sakiko coming for her; Hatsune LITERALLY HAS NOTHING OF HER OWN OUTSIDE OF AVE MUJICA AND HER MEMORIES OF SAKIKO IM CRYING.

[abigmessofablog]

i love you, characters who have the explicit purpose of representing entire concepts in the narrative. i love you, characters bigger than themselves. i love you allegorical characters. i love you characters so wrapped in metaphor and the creator philosophizing through you it eclipses you as a "person," i love you characters who haunt the narrative long after you're gone. i love you characters who are doomed because the thing that they represent are doomed. i love you characters who are more lesson then character.

[sniffanimal]

.

I think trans people are sexy (obviously) and absolutely should be drawn naked sometimes, and I'm glad we've moved towards tending to show that a character is trans by showing them with pride stuff or whatever, but man it was a rough while when a character in a comic/show/etc was Outed by having to show them undressing in some way. like for a while it was impossible to see trans affirming characters, even in one-off artworks that didn't have them being in a state of undress. it wasn't enough to say "this guy likes how he looks in this button down (he is trans)" you had to show it unbuttoned and him binding unsafely or something. you couldn't say "this gal likes how she looks in this dress (she is trans)" you had to show her standing Masculinely™️ in front of a mirror or something. and I'm not saying that depicting real moments in trans lives is bad! it just felt really fucking weird that any trans art for a while was so focused on bodies and undressing us (especially with other people seeing us undress and Catching Us Being Trans).

I'm reminded of a scene from some tv show with the first trans man character I had ever seen on it and he's outed by getting caught binding his chest and I felt so icky about it like. of course the thing that makes him Trans is his Boobs Getting Seen. later the actor got top surgery so the character did too and there was a whole episode where the cis people talk about his scars at the beach and while it was kinda respdctful it mostly felt like a Guide to Clocking Trans Bodies and that sat Soo poorly

anyways I'm done rambling. I've mostly stopped watching modern mainstream tv bc it's so exhausting to see The Trans Episodes happen and I feel like the only progress we've made in 20 years is characters will out loud ask for another characters pronouns and it's also exhausting in a "oh you're a tranny? name 3 of your pronouns" kinda way

ok ramble over I'll delete this later when it's out of my system

[elizabeth-mitchells]

on one hand, thank you for gia posting i love that movie. on the other hand, how dare you gia post i’m sad now (/lh) (hoping you a speedy recovery after watching the movie bc it is Rough)

oh thank YOU for messaging me about it because i am Not ready to shut up about that movie!!!

so maybe it's just the immediate effect of having watched the movie for the first time and eventually i'll get over it.... but at the moment???? god it fully altered my brain chemistry. there's a whole before and after split in my life now. again maybe i'll change my mind later but last night i stayed up (crying a lot and) reading reviews and watching edits and listen... i literally put it on my top 10 of movies with lesbians. i wasn't this affected since i watched bound but bound ended well. and this one ended me.

like. is the movie perfect? probably not. did i understand the editing choices? not really. but right now it is perfect TO ME. and listen. angelina jolie is beyond perfect in the movie, but that comes as a surprise to no one because that's literally angelina jolie. but i can't even begin to tell you what elizabeth mitchell in this movie did to me... i loved her when i watched her in first kill but if i remember correctly that was evil vampire milf vibes. but here???? she was so tal and so so pretty and so kind and so smiley and perfect and it fully took my back to my gay awakening and first crushes and !!! i feel literally so weak right now!!!

they were so perfect together!! their chemistry was pure gold!! which unfortuantely also means that in the bad moments they broke my heart like no one else!!! when they're being cute in the kitchen? when linda asks her to choose between the drugs and her and gia reaches for the drugs while they're still hugging? their very last scene together?????? worst thing i have ever experienced

and oh my god their iconic lines keep replying in my head. I'll stay if Linda stays and she very much stayed!!!! Behold the florist that hsgjdfhghf omg She was like a puppy, love me love me love me... and i did. i did. right away. hello?? do you want me to be insane??? and i swear that every five minutes i can hear in my head YOU WERE THE ONE. THE ONLY ONE. AND YOU WERE AMAZING..... 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

now i'm just trying to decide if i should spend all day rewatching just their scenes... if i should rewatch the whole movie every day for a week until it stops hurting so much... if i should pick self care and just never watch this again and watch a few nice and fun movies that will heal me... if i watch other sad lesbian movies to keep the momentum going... if i should just never watch movies again <3 accepting advise to recover from this <3

[madame-fear]

Small rant about my essential tremor. I swear to god these days have become worse with my tremors.

It might sound stupid, but I feel extremely frustrated to have 24/7 my body shaking for no reason, to the point I can barely eat without making a mess or spilling myself as if I were a baby. My hands shaking worsened, my arms and legs tremble, and my whole body wobbles; and that just makes me feel exhuasted.

I had to change my neurologist because the pills he gave me for my migraine made my tremors even WORSE, and now that I stopped taking them a few days ago it also encourages my body to keep quivering.

I feel embarrassed to spill myself when eating or drinking, or even to lay in bed and do nothing only because I feel weird to be shaking all the time. I cant even take a pill for it to be less worse because in general terms my trembling isnt as bad as others, but if this keeps on going istg I will have to take anti-tremor pills or something.

That will be all for now

[fleuresdumonde]

The good thing about HP marking a generation is that we are now in the goldmine of wizard school anime parody, and some of them are actually good and/or hilarious

[aksemmi]

the other thing about this high liberalism vs low liberalism distinction is looking at how people act according to high liberal memes the end up just, not having any real route to agency or activism in those frameworks. low liberalism at least allows one to have some form of activism. i also flirt with anarchism, my favorite stuff is that which defies or is outside the system but I think low liberalism is a valid strategy I have also participated in. but I am increasingly cynical about the role high liberalism plays in ideology. these might be extremely bad terms for this stuff lol

[babycharmander]

humans suck, stop turning things into humans, humans are boring and suck, everyone is a human, i want to read about things that are not humans, i don't want to read about "but what if they were sECRETLY HUMAN" or "what if they wanted to bE HUMAN" NO!! Why would anyone WANT to be human?? If I were a cool robot why would I want to be anything else??? If I were a dragon why would I want to be a human? I'd be a DRAGON!

obviously there are exceptions to this--it can be done very VERY well in the right hands and make for a compelling story

but so much more often it's just a case of laziness on the author's part. they don't know how to write a nonhuman and don't care so they write a nonhuman that turns into a human or that was always secretly a human or a nonhuman that desperately wishes to be a human and then it turns out Life Is Wonderful As A Human, or they Must be a human because nonhuman characters cannot relate to human audiences and nonhumans cannot grow as characters which is such bullcrap baaaaaaaaAAAAAH

NO. HUMANS SUCK. other creatures exist!! there are cats who are very very happy to be cats! fish probably don't think of being anything other than fish! true AI does not exist IRL, but robots are still very cool! they function very differently from humans and many of them like it that way!!! and should continue to be happy that way!! dragons do not exist but if they did they would absolutely LOVE being dragons I mean why would you not?

are we really so self-centered as to think that the entirety of creation wishes it were human??

screw humans the world needs more xenofiction

[grungepoetica]

pretty sure i just failed another class. not sure if i'm gonna be able to graduate without pushing myself to the absolute edge of my ability next semester. doubly so if i can't get my stupid fucking community college registration to work.

[onaravenswings]

NO BUT THAT'S THE THING

THAT'S

THAT'S THE POINT

I MUST TELL YOU THIS EVEN THOUGH I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN YOU ALREADY KNOW

Bloodborne is alive, in the worst way possible. Blood fucking everywhere, all the streets are m o i s t, all the enemies are m o i s t, everything is just. Oh my god it's alive, there's flesh and everythting everywhere oh god why.

Yeah it's fucked up.

You are, in the worst way possible, alive. Doomed to eternally resurrect and hunt, hunt, always hunting, no matter what, until eventually beasthood takes you and you continue living, but also in a worse-er way, because now you're a beast and and ahnda

fuck i'm too tired to articulate about how mentally ill i am about this game moving on

But dark souls is uh.

Well. Dry. It's dead.

It's a dead world full of dead things, populated by either dead people, dying people or people close to it. You are, ultimately, a dead thing, fighting other dead, or dying, things, for the right to continue 'living' your half 'life', constantly straddling that thin, everpresent line of death and near death.

It's a game about hopeless, and cycles, yada yada, you get it.

But Elden Ring

Is dying.

not dead, but not really alive either.

It's a world clinging on to life, one foot in the grave, with an empire desperately scrabbling for what little power it still retains, searching for more control in a land where all control has been lost

It's this thing, that absolutely cannot let go, that absolutely cannot accept that it has lost, and now everybody else has to deal with these egolomaniacs running around with the same syndrome

i love these games so much

Bloodborne: The soppingest, wettest game ever

Dark Souls 3: Dry, dusty ass motherfucker

Elden Ring: Normal amounts of humidity

[dykeredhood]

What the hell am I meant to do at this point; I’m nicely seated in my current job and have tenure I can fall back on if things come into question or whatever

And I’m good at what I do, but I’m not doing enough good out in world in my day-to-day job and I know I need to be doing more overall

[melonyfelonyfellonme]

This 🤏 close to just packing it all in and going back to uni to do creative writing

But God I love having a steady income and no lectures and no tutorials and no essays and no exams and