#bbc ghosts was the most comforting show I’ve ever watched

[ihonestlydontknowwhattocallthis]

In my head I’m hoping it ends with them just living out their normal lives (well lives and deaths) in the house and it just ends how any season would end but I know it’s not gonna end like that and their prolly gonna all move on or Alison and Mike will move out of the house. Or worse, both.

[lululawrence]

Polyamory Fic Rec

I thought I’d made one already, but apparently I hadn’t. So, since @twopoppies had an anon looking for more, I figured I’d go ahead and make a rec list now. This is not exhaustive, but it’s a start! 

Please remember to leave the authors kudos and nice comments to show appreciation for their work.

I Should've Known by @nikogda (Liam/Louis/Harry, 11k)

It started out with little things here and there. A light that needed replacing. The belt in the vacuum. Small things, and eventually they took advantage of it.

Louis decided they needed another, larger repair whilst talking with his alpha neighbour, Liam. Liam had said he would do it for Louis and his partner, Harry.

And, well, it sort of went a little off track from there. What was an innocent thing at first, was now the two omegas’ way of catching the sweet deep scent of their alpha neighbour one whom they both mutually crushed.

Or: the one where alpha Liam moves in next door to bonded omegas Louis and Harry. All three go on their own journeys but in the end find that maybe, in the end, it really was always each other.

And That Was That by @lightwoodsmagic​ (Zayn/Liam/Harry/Louis, 23k)

“Okay. When Zayn and I were working on the set yesterday, Liam dropped by and mentioned he had a date. I asked Zayn about it, and he said that they’re ah - poly?”

Harry blinked.

“Oh yeah, I knew that. Li mentioned it when we were playing tennis once.” He ran his hand through Louis’ hair, smiling softly when he nuzzled into the touch.

“Is that what’s making you act strange? Because it seems like something that works for them, and I —.”

“Zayn has feelings for me.” A deep breath, and then blue eyes locked on green. “He said he needs distance because he has to get over them.”

Harry hadn’t realised his hand had fallen from Louis’ face until his fingers were being tangled and gripped tightly.

Or, Zayn and Liam have been polyamorous for years, but Harry and Louis are monogamous. When Zayn meets Louis and starts to fall for him, it opens them all up for something they've never experienced before.

That Don't Define Who You Are by lululawrence (Nick/Harry/Louis, 7k)

“Shit,” Harry muttered, rushing towards the man. “Are you alright?”

The man clearly tried to muffle his scream. “No, I’m really not. I’m afraid you’ll need to call 999.”

When Harry reached the man, he saw the man’s leg had gotten caught by pieces of the bike that had come apart beneath him. Without thinking, Harry leaned down and lapped where the blood was flowing quickly until it slowed.

“I’m so sorry, I just didn’t want you to pass out whilst I was on the phone.”

“God, no, don’t apologise,” the man said. “My mum’s a licking omega, see. Quite soothing.”

Harry blushed. “Yeah. Let me see about an ambulance for you.”

Or the one where Harry is a licking omega with a broken bond who helps heal a fairly hapless beta with a folding bicycle. When Harry also meets the beta's alpha, things start to get... interesting.

Its Mutual We (All) Discussed It by @nikogda (Zayn/Harry/Louis, 29k)

“Well you go to the agency, Alpha Donor Services and fill some forms out, whoever is doing the deed gets tested and such. And then they match you based on the papers with a few Alphas. You read the information on them and pick a few, they make sure they’re still willing and tell them about you. Eventually you guys will meet in public, do that a few times until you’re comfortable.” Niall scratched his arm lightly, and glances over at Harry, “The point of the service is to help a family, mostly an omega one, who can’t have children of their own. An Alpha will help an Omega get pregnant.”

“I feel like this is a lot.” Harry mumbles, setting his mug down.

“It is. Or well it was but it was worth it, H. I mean, I would do this again. We already talked about it.”

“Really?”

Or: Two omegas in a committed relationship are ready to start a family. In the process, their alpha donor becomes part of the family too. Every part of their relationship may be unconventional but all of them have never been happier

old haunts are for forgotten ghosts by fortymaliks (Nick/Harry/Louis, 8k)

“It’s the three of us, now,” Harry says, finally.

Louis blinks.

“Like,” Harry rushes to clarify, “you, and me, and Nick.”

Louis wakes up with amnesia, and learns that he's missing two whole years of his life. Two whole years, and some interesting developments...

Orion's Belt by @londonfoginacup (Nick/Harry/Louis, 24k)

Louis and Nick have been in a happy committed relationship for two years, their matching soulmarks on display for the world to see. It’s been them against the world, the alpha/beta singer and radio DJ power duo.

All that changes on February 1st, when they wake up to a third matching soulmark.

As they say, the course of true love never did run smooth.

You're a Rabbit, Louis Series by @magicalrocketships (Nick/Harry/Louis, 16k)

"Maybe Louis turned into a rabbit," Nick suggests. They both laugh. Louis doesn't. Harry is an idiot and Nick is an even bigger one.

Louis stomps past both of them on four tiny, furry, baby rabbit paws, and into Nick's flat. "I hate you both," he says. He sits on the rug by the TV. "And you can stop following me around too," he says to Pig, who sits down next to him on the rug.

"But seriously," Harry says, from the door. "Where's Louis?"

Louis thumps his back leg on the floor. "I'm here, you idiot."

"I'm not really suggesting this could be true," Nick says carefully, "but are we sure he isn't a tiny baby rabbit?"

The "A" in "Normal" by Yesitstyles (Nick/Harry/Louis, 28k)

Louis eats chips, argues with his best friend Nick about the validity of various sexualities, and falls for a second crush. Harry tries to spell the word "normal".

Loving You's the Antidote by lululawrence (Nick/Harry/Louis, 11k)

Nick and Harry had never been an obvious match. When eighteen-year-old Harry, newly presented as an omega, came home freshly bonded to Nick, a man nine years his elder and a beta no less, Anne had been more than skeptical and Eileen had shared some harsh words of her own. That didn’t deter them, though, and their families soon realised there really was something special about the bondmates that allowed them to work together almost seamlessly.

It was only a few months later that Harry started getting sick.

Or the one where Harry and Nick have been able to keep Harry's disorder at bay over the course of their relationship, but when they move to London and away from their support system, they find themselves in desperate need of help.

Come Out and Play by @dinosaursmate (Combination of OT5 pairings, 30k)

“I have this… fantasy.” Louis smiled self-consciously. “Well, I- I’ve been thinking about it recently, you know?”

Harry smiled softly. “Say it, Lou.”

“I have this fantasy,” he repeated. “Of… all five of us.”

“All five of us,” Harry exclaimed. “Gosh.”

Louis buried his face into Harry’s armpit, and Harry giggled softly. --- Harry and Louis discover a new kink in their relationship, and it brings all the boys closer than they could have ever imagined.

Trinity's Fate by Anonymous (Nick/Harry/Louis, 43k)

When a person is sixteen years old, he or she finds out if they are a dom or a sub. Later when they turn eighteen, the name of their soulmate(s) appear somewhere on their body.

Louis Tomlinson, a sub, fears getting a dom more than anything.

When his eighteenth birthday approaches and the names Nicholas Grimshaw and Harry Styles, a well known dom couple who are DJs for BBC Radio 1, appear on his arms, Louis panics.

Let me be your good night by Conscious_ramblings (Nick/Greg/Harry/Louis, 8k)

The one where Harry and Louis are in love, they end up at a party with some friends, and end up discovering things about themselves, and their friends that could change everything.

The thing was, Harry and Louis weren’t poly. They’d never even played with others together, despite having talked about it quite a lot in the heat of arousal. When they had been at torture garden and antichrist they had flirted with the idea. Harry had even kissed a friend of theirs once to rile Louis up, which had lead to a great session on the Saint Andrew’s cross. Louis loved to watch Harry flirt, loved the way jealousy turned him on and riled him up, loved how pliant and submissive Harry could be when Louis claimed him after. But they definitely weren’t poly, and Louis wasn’t quite sure what that meant for this evening. Everyone else attending the party was, and Louis’ green-eyed-monster had been feeding off that fact for most of the bus ride here. Now he was confronted by a really hot man playing with his boyfriend’s hair like it was no big deal, and he didn’t know quite what to do.

Perfect Sky by @polkadotlou (Nick/Harry/Louis, 40k)

Sub pairs are a rare thing, not only because of the jealousy that can brew between submissives if a Dom isn't attentive to each.

A sub pair has to be balanced.

Harry and Louis have always fit each other without trying. With them, it's easy.

But sub pairs can't just go out in the world and live on their own.

Alternatively, Louis always knew that a Dom was going to come into his and Harry’s lives – he only wishes Nick picked him too.

The Only Thing That Keeps Me Grounded by lululawrence (Nick/Harry/Louis, 28k)

“Shit, I definitely missed the last train.”

“Oh no,” Louis lamented. “I’d offer a ride, but I’m part of a carpool and we’re full already. I’m so sorry.”

“Really, it’s fine.” Then, what Louis said sank in. “Wait, I thought you were here alone?”

“Oh, I am. I’m the only one dancing here tonight. The others were working. In fact, here’s Nick now.”

It felt like slow motion as a tall, lanky man with incredible hair came walking over towards Louis. He smiled before pulling Louis into him and giving him a quick kiss.

“Nick, this is my new friend Harry. He just moved to the area and he’s amazing at swing. Harry, this is my husband, Nick.”

Fuck.

Or the one where Harry moves to Washington DC to be a nanny and never expects that his past struggles with love will be brought to a head. He definitely never expects the solution to it all will be the man of his dreams that just so happens to be married to the other man of his dreams.

Tell Me It’s The Strongest Shape by @louandhazaf (Nick/Elgar/Louis, 73k)

Nick and Elgar have it all. They’re famous, successful, and engaged to be married—and sometimes they play with others.

When uni student Louis gets street cast by Elgar for a GQ photoshoot, he's drawn into Nick and Elgar’s complicated relationship.

They've always invited mates into their bed. It doesn’t ever mean anything. Until… it does.

it hurts, but it's worth it by words_unravel (Liam/Harry/Louis, 14k)

Liam finds the shots of the three of them, rolling around and laughing, a week or so later during a late night. After a moment's pause, she saves one of the photos, giving it some inane, boring name. She shuts down her computer after that and goes to bed.

It takes a long time before she falls asleep.

[curryaboo]

— hiii! i was tagged by @banglatown @bengayli @jentlemahae @chameli aaand @/minteas to do this “get to know me better/20 questions” tag!! thank u so much beauts!! <3<3<3<3<3

🪁 what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

rao is absolutely fine!! <33

🪁 when is your birthday?

oct 13 :) i share it with some,, prominent people in popular culture and politics which aren’t rlly MY personal faves but wtvr it just goes to prove i’m the superior oct 13 baby !

🪁 where do you live?

the uk :<

🪁 three things you’re doing right now?

answering these questions, sorting out some spotify playlists in between answering these questions & casting my eyes between lines of james acaster’s classic scrapes and my phone (sunny @/amarakaran mentioned the book on one of her tag games n very kindly gave me the link to it and i jumped str8 to reading it! u know you’ve watched too many things featuring james acaster when u now read his book in his exact voice :/)

🪁 four fandoms that have piqued your interest right now?

bbc ghosts (ppl have some amazing theories n opinions surrounding it but i would not advise looking up the tag on here and sorting thru recent god bless youse but there are some awful takes there) aaand idk ig a range of kpop groups but i don’t rlly participate in the fandom sides of things anymore (and i’m not consuming a lot of new media or at least keeping up to date with the media that i do to label myself as being interested in being part of the fandom)

🪁 how is the pandemic treating you?

icl now that i’m seeing it in retrospect, it’s been cruel in the sense that it’s taken a lot of important things away from me (my last two years of high school for example i’m rlly bummed abt that) & stunted me in some ways but regardless i’ve learnt a lot about myself and my friends & family and yeah i’ve learnt to cherish myself and my loved ones all the same :)

🪁 song you can’t stop listening to right now?

boy am i glad this question is here bc since yesterday ? maybe i’ve been listening to gal mitthi mitthi endlesslyyy i think my brain chemicals recognise that we haven’t been to a wedding for the past 2 summers so it tries to fill the void by fixating on this one wedding-y song 💔💔

🪁 recommend a movie

PLS if u haven’t already , pls watch assassination nation bc i need someone to begrudgingly revel with in the absolute shit show pisstake of a movie that this is . (as a side note: my soul will not know peace until kennie jd does a video on it) on a more serious side, english vinglish is one of my most favourite films 10000/10 recommend pls go see it if u haven’t it’s an absolute warm hug of a movie <3

🪁 how old are you?

18 :)

🪁 school, university, occupation, other?

gap year babieee my soul is just wondering the place rn

🪁 do you prefer hot or cold?

cold !!

🪁 name one fact others may not know about you.

uhmm i lived in bangladesh for about 9-10 months when i was abt 4 and it was so amazing i miss it very much :’]

🪁 are you shy?

yes quite shy :} but i will always put effort into getting to know someone or initiating a convo !!

🪁 do you have any preferred pronouns?

i was in turmoil over them rlly but she/they is what i’m comfy with rn ! :D

🪁 any pet peeves?

other than some obvious ones, when ppl open things like crisps packets upside down,, that disgusts me truly

🪁 what’s your favourite “dere” type?

i would be a liar if i said i wasn’t biased towards a good bakadere but not too much that it annoys me lmao

🪁 rate your life 1-10. 1 being really crappy and 10 being the best you could ever be.

hmm rn it’s maybe a 5?? i’m grateful for so many things but there is def a lot of room for improvement :] (actually i just got on a 3 month free trial for spotify today so that just bumped the 5 up to a 6 😌)

🪁 what’s your main blog?

this one right here jaanoo.tumblr.com !!

🪁 list your side blogs and what they’re used for.

i don’t have any but i’ve been thinking of making one for aesthetics or like future references ??

🪁 is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

uhmm again i am quite shy teehee™️ imo there’s a noticeable difference between when we were yk just friendly towards each other vs when we actually become friends and i’m more comfortable with u . that’s not to say that i was being fake in the earlier instances of u knowing me, i was just a lot more reserved :) i’m also one of those *is online 24/7 but gets virtual interaction burnout every 2 hours so postpones replying to ur message to 3 days later* which sucks skfjdsj but yeah if there was anything that i’d need to know about YOU it’d be if u had any dietary requirements bc i love baking for my friends <333

ok now i’m gonna embarrass myself more than i already have & tag a lot of ppl bc i’m super nosey like that and want to know my mutuals’ answers to these 🥸 ofc u can absolutely ignore this and not want to do it we’re not under any contractual binding here <33 @allenoraaa @okhag @watermlon @gayanese @letteredwingsmain @theropoda @holyself @txtzy @creatures2010 @junqhwans @mistblush @snsdyuri @waterz @derelicthousefootage @killuaology @staycverse @amarakaran @tendermachines @shahrukh-khan @peachysara @firesigns @postmoderncaricatures @horrormanga @iqraars @123dream @sunmisbf @avisachi @bengaligirlfriend @morksuns @czennie-on-top @markvibes @joppin @nyuly @shin-jiyoon @99lover @mithaai @chamelis @thefinalgirlz @nikolailantsovswifey @mehendi @yerification @oneustual @singinginthecar @yejiswife @lovedsoup @mangopickled and uhh tumblr’s not letting me annoy tag anymore ppl so if u wanna do this and ur not on the list (ur in my heart 💕 and in an ideal world where tumblr automatically tags all my mutuals 😑) u can say i tagged u if you’d like!! ^_^

[creativeashproductions]

Permanence // Luke Patterson

Summary: On the run for most of her life the reader had been accustomed to being a lone wolf in world with eyes everywhere. Living in the age of technology and life online makes it hard for a girl stuck in a permanent state at nineteen physically. All things change when the reader moves next door to a healing teenager and her ghostly band.

Warning: Swearing, loss of death, talk of injuries/hospital,  angst, and fluff

Words: 5.1k (yikes)

A/N: Loosely based on the film Age of Adaline. Also includes a scene using the BBC show Call the Midwife as well. I’ve been MIA due to this fic. I love it.

TO BE TAGGED SEND AN INBOX PLEASE!

Masterlist

The love tingled in your lips as the taxi pulled away from the curb leaving behind the white-haired woman. Your hand raised to wave as the woman turned into a speck in the review mirror but never far from your heart and thoughts.

“Going on a trip?” The taxi driver questioned taking a right turn with a jarring sensation. His brown eyes speedily meeting yours, “Does your mom grandma live in San Francisco?”

A mournful smile appeared on the wrinkle-free complexion, “Something like that.”

The reply didn’t faze the driver in a big city he had chosen to make his living with for his family, he had heard worse. The airport reared its head with the big heavily populated by tourists and loud machinery of transport.

The royal blue wool jacket concealed the black blouse tucked into the grey, and black tartan fitted trousers. Paired with the black velvet kitten heels that had been in your possession for a very long time. Hair left down in the soft waves and makeup natural for the plane right.

The flight was over quickly for the young woman with her carry on, and purse collected you immediately headed to baggage claim. The suitcase was easy found and lifted off the conveyor belt with little trouble. Your expressive eyes finding the taxi, some may call you old fashioned for not ‘ubering’, but it was a nostalgic action.

“Where to?” The taxi driver asked with pretty blue eyes shadowed by the crows’ feet at the corner’s of her eyes. Swiftly you listed off the address to the house you had bought with your vast savings, “Half hour ride.”

You settled back into the leather seat as the city passed by with the memories staunchly kept in a locked box escaping. Los Angeles had been the location of the only family trip you had had in your late teens.

Los Angeles, 1936

“Darling! This Samuel, he owns the restaurant up the beach.” Theodore’s bright white smile gleamed as he returned to your side, “He’s personally invited us to celebrate the first night of our life together.

The pleated cark charcoal pants held up with black suspenders snuggle atop the button-down shirt of denim blue colour. The shirt left with the top two buttons undone revealing the white undershirt. Shiny polished black shoes on Theodore’s feet he was dressed as perfect as the day he caught your runaway hat.

“Oh, thank you.” You told the shy man as he led you up to the well-known restaurant with the gorgeous view of the water.

Samuel went further by providing his best table in the house, leaving the host annoyed at the interruption. The dinner was spent with Theodore listing off the itinerary for the week in the city. From visiting the museums to watching a film at the Los Angeles Theatre recommended by Theodore’s connection from work.

“You like to share a dessert Darling?” Theodore asked tenderly holding your soft hand in his smooth one. His smile never faded as you declined his offer satisfied with the large meal from the five-course dinner.

“I’d much prefer the comfort of our hotel room.” Your lips ended the words with a smile that paired well with the glittering eyes. Theodore’s heart expanded as his wife’s smile, he had fallen in love with first.

“The hotel placed a nice bottle of champagne in our room,” Theodore spoke once the bill was taken care of. He pulled your chair out to help you slip on the navy blue wool jacket on from the back of your chair, “You are absolutely beautiful.”

“Still as charming as ever.” You whispered gazing up at him with such love. 

You had loved Theodore from the first chaperoned date at sixteen with the handsome eighteen-year-old that had saved your hat. The wind that day had been unbearable as you walked the beach of San Francisco with your mother. At seventeen, you wed; a mere few days previous. Theodore came from a well-off family but worked as an engineer for the city.

“We’re here.” The taxi driver spoke as the car pulled to a stop at a pretty house painted a blue with white accents.

Mumbling a thank you the driver took off once your belongings found ground on the sidewalk and the fare paid. The house door unlocked with a click revealing the furnishing you had sent and hired a company to build. The boxes of personal belongings had arrived in boxes the previous day and awaited unpacking.

The first order of business on your to-do list was changing the locks as well as testing the safety alarm. The next few hours you unpacked your kitchen and clothing as the locksmith took his time finishing up previous appointments.

Your hand hovered over the oval golden framed photo of your wedding day with Theodore with a smile on both your faces. You didn’t look a day older than the day you married Theodore even if it had been so long. The familiar clench at the sight of the man happened every time you saw the photo.

“You’d be so proud of Rosie.” Your index finger caressed the elegant picture of your first love with a mournful emotion.

Pulled from the sad memories as the doorbell rang signalling the arrival of the locksmith. The appointment was swift before you finished unpacking the living room from the bookcase to the picture frames. As the minute handle circled the clock face, you settled in for the simple meal.

“Tea on the porch.” You sighed curling into the cherry red Adirondack chair in the front porch watching as children went inside their houses.

It wasn’t how you had anticipated your life dreaming of a life with a family in a lovely home. You never expected to live in fear for your life, and your child’s as the second World War reared its ugly head. You never envisioned having to move every few years to keep safe. Lastly, you had never foreseen watching Rosie’s hair turn white before your own. You thought you’d be buried beside your husband after a long life. So far, it had been too long at this point with your childhood friends all dead.

 “Hi.” The voice of a teenage girl spoke. Your gaze left your lukewarm tea for the girl at the bottom of your porch.

Strands of her curly textured hair pulled away from her face it revealed her clear tawney complexion. The most expressive brown eyes framed with thick lashes that took your breath away with the kindness in them.

“You just moved in right?” The girl asked as you climbed down the steps to the younger teenager, “I’m Julie Molina, I live next door.”

 “Hello Julie, I’m Y/N Y/L/N.” You spoke, shaking the extended hand of the young girl inspecting her.

Her fashion was obviously of the current time whereas your own style was a mixture of different eras. The style fits in but touches to bring in the past decades you had lived through.

“Where are your parents?” Julie asked with a furrowed brow.

“I live alone.” You replied sighing as the confusion flashed in the younger teen’s eyes before you elaborated, “I’m nineteen. I bought the house, my parents live in my home state.”

They weren’t living, but they were buried in the cemetery with the other family members that had since passed. Unless a freak accident happened, your plot near your husband wouldn’t be filled. The only person who knew the truth was Rosie, she was your daughter.

“Wow! That’s cool.” Julie beamed glancing over her shoulder as her phantom friends poofed in behind her.

The sudden appearance startled you and while it was confusing you had become well acquainted with weird. You hadn’t aged a day since a stormy night on the country roads in 1938 heading to pick up Rosie. You barely flinched at the appearance.

“Oh damn, Julie’s neighbour is hot.” The leather jacket one spoke scanning the newcomer with an awed expression.

The boy with the sleeveless top sharing the same awed expression. Whereas the blonde in pink’s breath released in an exasperated sigh. Only a corner of your lips twitched up at realization this must happen quite a bit.

“I should head back inside. I have a few more boxes to unpack. It was lovely to meet you, Julie.” Your eloquent words taking the boys by surprise from the lack of modern language and slang. You didn’t use any of the terms that Julie and Flynn spoke in.

Luke followed Julie with glances over his shoulder to the back of the mysterious girl closing her front door. It wasn’t often Luke was intrigued by anything other than his music. Still, something about you was the most interesting thing. Not even touring some of his favourite bands’ personal homes was as interesting.

“C’mon Luke!” Reggie called out to the lingering teenage ghost. Unbeknownst to the retreating guitarist, your curtain had been pulled away as you peeked at him.

Over the next few weeks, you had become acquainted with Julie, even admitting to seeing the boys. It was a mess of Reggie blushing at your revelation of hearing his comments on your beauty. It wasn’t earth-shattering, but it was a friend group.

Two months later, over the course of a week, you withdrew from the group for the comfort of your living room. A garbage bin for used tissues as it sank in once more that the anniversary of Theodore’s death rolled around. 82 years since he was tragically killed.

You looked a mess and barely reacted when the four friends to it upon themselves to enter your home. Your hazy mind barely caught onto the arrival as Julie ushered your saddened form to the bathroom.

As Julie helped dress you, taking it from the extensive closet, the boys cleaned up the living room, and Alex poofed out. He returned with a pizza he began cooking coming to a stop at Luke’s gaping gaze at the mantel above the fireplace.

“What’s wrong?” Alex demanded rushing to the guitarist side equally shocked. Perfect timing as you came back into the living room with Julie.

“That’s Theodore.” The words came out gravely from the lack of use for the past few days. Your feet brought you to the side of the three boys, “It was raining the day. The sky broke when we left the church.”

“That’s you?” Reggie inquired frantically glancing between the old photo and your exact replica of the picture.

Julie gasped at the sight picking out the scar on the edge of your forehead barely seen in the photo but the matching appearance remarkable. The soft smile appeared as your hand came to grab the frame remembering the lovely day—the beautiful ceremony and the small reception before heading out for the honeymoon.

“Theodore Prescott was eighteen when I first saw him on the beach in San Francisco. Mother and I chose a windy for a walk; my hat blew away. Straight into the trousers of a young man that I would fall in love with instantly.” Your smile grew as your form settled back on the couch, having traded the frame for an old album. The four people were quiet.

“We married a year later in 1937, I was seventeen years old. Theodore whisked me off to Los Angeles for our honeymoon. We dined at fancy establishments, caught a film at the Los Angeles Theatre.” Your smile faded, leading Julie’s heart to clench as she knew that expression from seeing it in the mirror, “He was an engineer.”

“What happened?” Julie questioned grasping your soft hand in her own hand, focusing her eyes on your face. Your face remembering one of the most challenging times.

“Theodore was an engineer for the construction of the Golden Gate Bridge. A section of the bridge collapsed taking three men down. Theodore was one of them.” A lone tear travelled down your cheek, “It was difficult grieving my husband and caring for our daughter.”

Luke’s gasp was audible, “Are you a ghost?”

“No.” You told the seventeen-year-old guitarist, “I’ve been nineteen for the last 83 years.”

“Eighty-three years?!” Reggie exclaimed completely taken aback blinking fast to take it in, “Did you find a fountain of youth? Some special French creams?”

“Reg, shut up.” Alex elbowed the raven-haired teenager in the side with an apologetic smile, “I’d apologize and say he isn’t normally like this…but you know us too well.”

“It’s alright Alex,” You told the drummer fiddling with his ring as you returned back to Reggie, “It was storming in 1938, but I had promised to meet my parents and Rosie at the cabin. Visibility got worse, and I fishtailed right off the road into the ravine. I’m not sure the science but I know I died, and then I woke up.”

“This so weird,” Luke mumbled listening intently to the story with wide eyes that quickly matched his friends.

“Believe it’s shocking when your daughter graduates from college with her mother looking younger than her.” The bitter chuckle couldn’t be held back, remembering it as the first time you were retitled as Rosie’s sister.

“I just got used to being a ghost.” Alex sighed, settling into the armchair to the left of the couch. Luke sat on the couch next to you while Reggie took the armchair across from Alex.

As the sun rose higher and began to set, you enthralled the teenagers with stories of your long life. Luke was the most interested in the music you have seen evolve over the course of time, and the musicians you had met. In telling them stories, it allowed you to step out of the dark abyss of your mind.

“Freddie Mercury?” Luke asked from the other cherry red Adirondack chair turned to see you in the matching one.

“I had coffee with him in a little hole in the wall coffee shop in New York. He loved whip cream, but he didn’t like the dairy they used. The shop is now a Starbucks.”

The giggle escaped at Luke’s look of absolute awe, “That’s so rad.”

“Rad. Haven’t heard that in a long time.” The sparkle for sure would have sent Luke’s heart thudding like Alex’s drumming in Now or Never; if it still beat that is.

“…so do you think people can fall in love more than once?” Luke had been very undecided in asking the question. Everyone around could tell he felt something for you so unlike any other relationship.

You kissed your teeth, thinking about how to properly articulate your thoughts on such a heavy subject. It was clear that you felt something for the teenage ghost even if you had lived far longer than Luke had.

“I think it’s possible. Luke, I’ve lived a long time and while I’ll love Theodore for as long as I live that doesn’t mean I have been alone.” You revealed to the ghostly guitarist stepping back in a part of your history buried incredibly deep.

“The way you were torn up made me think-“

“I’ll always mourn Theodore, I had a year, and that was never enough. I worked as a midwife in England in the late 1960s.”

Poplar, London, England circa 1960s

The blonde-haired bombshell marched her way through the crowded Poplar district in London scanning the late-night Christmas shoppers. Beatrix, Trixie to her friends, had a young mother a mere street away. The only available midwife to help her happened to be off duty shopping for gifts. 

Trixie was thankful for the American accent that distinguished the midwife from the crowd, pointing her towards a store window. Your eyes dragged away from the lovely young mother giving her thanks for delivering her baby a few months prior.

“Trixie!” You beamed, revealing a white smile that lit up your pretty eye colour. Trixie’s anxious expression dropped the smile, however, “Is something wrong?”

“Jenny Turner is in labour. Tom is with her right now, but I need help. Everyone is further away.”

In seconds you had pulled the charcoal cape secured by the bands crisscrossing your shoulders to properly rest. The cloak had armholes with material covering the holes, no sleeves seen. The cape covered the plain light blue nurse uniform with the white-collar and the maroon red cardigan.

Trixie led you to the small apartment housing twenty-one-year-old, Jenny, with Reverend Tom Hereward waiting. This would be Jenny’s second child with her husband Roger leaving the midwife’s nervous after her first pregnancy.

“Hello, Jenny.” You spoke stepping closer to the woman, “Trixie said you requested my presence.”

“You delivered my first baby. I want you here, Roger a county away for work.” Jenny heavily spoke as a contraction ended, “I’m not due for two weeks.”

“Baby Turner is too excited to meet their big brother.” You soothed settling beside the young mother, “You’re in great hands with Trixie. You are close to the hospital and the clinic if you’d prefer to move.”

“No. I want to stay.” Jenny was sure of that, at least. Her hand left yours to clench the white bedsheets as a contraction clenched her midsection.

“Then I’ll be right here with you.” 

It was a promise you kept as Trixie delivered a healthy baby girl appreciating your help when you cleaned the baby. Trixie helped Jenny deliver the afterbirth and clean up the room just in time for Jenny’s mother to enter the room.

“I came as soon as I could.”

“Thank you, Y/N,” Jenny spoke with a small tired smile. The smile that made the job worth watching babies being born, of family’s growing.

Tom was waiting outside in the living room as you exited the bathroom. Your heart fluttered at the sight of the Reverend Hereward waiting for you with his patient smile and a tender look in his blue gaze.

“How is Jenny?” Tom asked, holding the door to the street open.

“Tired after delivering Cynthia. Cynthia is an eight-pound baby with no complications. Thank you for praying Tom.”

“Trixie informed me of Jenny’s first pregnancy, and I felt like I was needed. Do you happen to be free tomorrow night?” Tom asked, linking his fingers in yours with a smile that almost looked nervous.

“I am.” You responded as Tom walked you to Nonnatus House where the unmarried midwives resided. You stood on tiptoes to kiss his cheek, “Good night Tom.”

“I’ll meet you at the park,” Tom responded, waiting patiently as you entered the building before he turned on his heel to head to his residence. Unknown to him, you peered down from your bedroom window as he pulled something out of his pocket.

A small box housing a ring he would propose with the very next night. A ring that broke your heart. A ring that you’d never see up close as you handed in your resignation and left England as quickly as possible.

Luke’s invested gaze shuttered as you revealed you had run away before Tom could propose because it could never happen.

“He was going to propose, and you didn’t say goodbye?”

“I don’t know if I could have said no when he asked. I wish I knew what I would have said, but it was unfair. How could Tom, as a Reverend, accept that his fiancée or wife would never grow old? It went against everything he believed in.” You countered with a raised eyebrow, “He married the midwife that was hired a year after I left. Barbara Gilbert. Trixie sent me the letter.”

Luke’s perceptive eyes caught the tinge of sadness in your gaze recalling the second man you had loved. You loved with your whole heart and with that came a lot of heartbreak.

“Do you keep in contact with them?”

“I send a letter to Trixie every once in a while, to check up on her. She married a few years after I left and had a few children. I believe she had a step-daughter.”

Luke’s mouth went to open before a flash of light, and a slight gasp was heard from the blonde drummer. His eyebrows raised as the close proximity between his best friend and his new friend. He shook it off as he turned to face Luke fully.

“Did you forget? We have a gig.” Alex spoke amused as Luke’s eyes widened theatrically vividly recalling the excitement in Julie’s eyes.

You waved the duo off to disappear in a ball of light to the gig they had for the night while you entered your home. You didn’t hear Alex make a comment that Luke couldn’t deny.

“You’ve fallen for her,” Alex spoke just outside the coffee shop that housed the record execs with the power to change their afterlife. The quirk of a smile sealed Alex’s opinion of the girl.

Content to spend your time in the house you retreated to the kitchen. Your hand slipped into your pocket for the phone that had few contacts such as Rosie and Julie’s along with the number of Rosie’s doctor. Mostly pictures of Rosie and landscapes but never your face, not after the 1953 incident.

Living next door to the Molina’s you often shared recipes with Ray, he had taken you under his wing. He felt empathetic with the young neighbour he saw you as a daughter almost, unaware that it would the other way around. You had years on the widowed father.

The wooden spoon stirred the sizzling stir-fry that had been a fixture in raising a rambunctious little girl interested in skinny her knees. The stir-fry was the quickest meal while Rosie played outside or in the little play corner with her dolls. It seemed like the world knew when your phone rang.

“Hello, darling.” You spoke securing the phone between your neck and shoulder, “Did you teach Gladys poker?”

The silence was stifling, “Is this Y/N Y/L/N?”

A cold sweat broke out as the unfamiliar voice came from Rosie’s cell phone roused the deep-seated fear of loss. The wooden spoon in your hand clattered on the tile flooring of the modest-sized kitchen.

“Your grandmother Rosemary Prescott tripped over a cane. You’re her emergency contact.”

“Has she been admitted to the hospital? How extensive are her injuries? Let me get a pen and grab the address.” You rambled frantically scouring the kitchen for the notepad, “Was she alone?”

“She’s still being seen by the doctor, and I’m unable to reveal the details over the phone. Her friend Gladys was there, and she hasn’t left your grandma’s side.” The person responded in an even tone with the failed intention of soothing you.

“What’s the address?”

“I’m a nurse at Zuckerberg San Francisco General Hospital and Trauma Center.” The nurse prattled off, providing the address and visiting hours. 

As soon as the call ended, you had quickly grabbed a quick bite from the meal before packaging it up. Next, you dug out the small suitcase to pack the essentials with the mental capacity of a zombie. The bag was stowed in the backseat of the car while you kept your purse on your shoulder.

You barely comprehended knocking on the Molina door or Ray opening it, “Hello Y/N.”

“Ray. Tonight, I made stir-fry, I’ll be out of town for a few days.” You told the man catching sight of both Carlos and Julie in the background.

“Are you okay?” Ray questioned taking the container from your shaking hands, “Do you need us to do anything?”

“Could I have a h-hug?” You stuttered feeling a smidge better than the older man tugged you in for a hug. Two pairs of arms joined with the Molina kids ambushing you.

“You’re coming back, right?” The question came from the concerned hazel-eyed guitarist watching the interaction with a particular look. A look he knew came from not being able to comfort you.

“I’ll be back once I know Rosie is okay.” You replied, locking eyes with Luke over Ray’s shoulder earning a tender smile from the male.

“I’ll pray for your Grandma,” Ray spoke, stepping back to let both Julie and Carlos say their goodbyes to their neighbour. Everyone but Carlos and Ray half-heartedly smirking at Ray’s belief that Rosie was older than you.

Unlike typical times you didn’t linger in the Molina home with the distracted thoughts of Rosie injured with her mother with her. Rosie is the only thing you would drop anything for, the love of a mother and her child. So distracted by your thoughts you didn’t notice Luke had appeared right beside you.

“Are you driving?” Luke asked, tapping his shoe on the porch step, bringing your sad eyes to meet his, “Or are you taking a plane?”

“A plane. It’s a five-hour drive to San Francisco from here not taking in traffic time. I bought a last-minute ticket.” You replied, heading straight for the car with Luke hot on your heels to the vintage car.

Half of you wanted to refuse his evident intention to join you, but a part of you yearned for the comfort. A stroke of luck had a plane seat beside yours empty, time didn’t exist, but it dragged on at the same time. So lost in thoughts you never noticed the brush on a pinkie on your skin.

While you stared off in the distance, Luke’s jaw was dropped at the silky feel of your skin. Words bubbled up his throat just before he knew it wasn’t the right time to bring it up. Instead, he chose different words to regale you with stories of his childhood.

“I begged for a dog when I was eight years old. Reggie had this golden retriever his family had before he was born. My dad was allergic in the end, so I was content with Reggie’s dog.” Luke spoke, “That didn’t mean I didn’t sneak in this stray one night. We kept him in the garage while we found him a forever home.”

“What was his name?”

“Fender.” Luke sheepishly spoke, catching the tweak of your smile as the clouds in your eyes cleared for a few minutes. Luke loved being able to ease your mind through the flight, not holding back on the embarrassing stories either.

“Thank you.” You told the easy natured teenager with a familiar flutter in your chest that terrified you.

You could name only one other time you had felt that flutter when everything was easy. 1936 with a man you thought would be your one and only. Feeling something that strong for a ghost was incredibly scary.

“Do you want me to come in with you?” Luke asked just outside the closed hospital door, separating you from your daughter. Your lips parted to deny his question but you couldn’t so you simply shook your head.

“Come in!” The voice was prompt after knocking on the door. Opening the door, you found Rosie’s grinning in her bed with Gladys at her side, scolding her.

“I’ll get out of your hair,” Gladys spoke shuffling by you out of the door with a quick hug. The second Gladys closed the door, your eyebrows furrowed.

“Rosemary Elspath Prescott. What were you thinking?” You crossed your arms walking closer to Rosie, “You know your ankle hasn’t been the same-“

“-since I shattered during a cheer comp in college. Mama, I know. It was an accident.” Rosie softly spoke just before her gaze met Luke’s with fear planted squaring in her blue gaze. Luke’s lips parted, “He knows?”

“Oh.” Luke blinked at the sudden new change in his afterlife with Rosie actually seeing him, “I’m Luke.”

“This is going to sound craz-“

“Mama, you’ve been nineteen for over eight decades. I think we’ve hit the crazy already, tell me. Before I get a bad heart.” Rosie joked with that twinkle you saw countless times over the years.

The first time you saw it was when you found her on the counter at age two when she learned how to climb. Other times included her sneaking out to a senior party with her friends and the teasing she started when she got her first grey hair.

“You better have taken our discussion about your salt intake serious young lady.” You pointed at her mere seconds before your shoulders dropped. You leaned down to kiss the crown of her head, “Luke’s a ghost.”

Rosie’s lips parted, staring down the boy before whispering very softly in your ear, “Well. At least he doesn’t age. You look happy with him Mama, I’m not getting any younger, and he’s really cute.”

“Don’t talk like that.” The low response came out broken at the horrible future where you would bury Rosie. 

A cold hand landed on your waist as you stretched to place an ornament on the tree you chose with Luke. The wire hugged the branch a ghost of a kiss pressed against your cheek, a moment of quiet in the loud house. Reggie and Alex had been baking cookies with Rosie for the last two hours. Julie was finishing her family dinner at her home before she would come over.

“Merry Christmas,” Luke murmured tugging you in his chest. A flutter of butterflies moving in your tummy.

Once Rosie had been discharged from the hospital, she had been convinced to temporarily move to Los Angeles. For the first time since Rosie’s senior year in high school, you got to live with her. Subtlety had never been her strong suit with nagging you and Luke about getting together.

“Merry Christmas.” You replied, stretching to peck his lips once before cuddling into his chest with the thick sweater.

“Would you like a cookie…Dad.” Rosie teased, bringing a tray into the living room with the gooey chocolate chips.

Another revelation other than being able to touch the boys was that once Julie saved them from Caleb, they could eat small quantities. They couldn’t eat a lot, and they didn’t need it, but it was a comfort to the group.

 “That’s so weird.” Alex chortled, taking in the shocked and uncomfortable expression Luke had. Reggie beamed with a mouthful of cookie. This was the first Christmas the boys had surrounded by only acceptance, love, and untainted happiness.

“How about we stick to Luke?” Rosie chuckled just as weirded out by the odd age gap and the forever youth the couple displayed. 

While Rosie interacted with the arrival of both Flynn and Julie, you curled into Luke’s embrace taking in the room. Julie and Flynn listened to the rebellious stories Rosie carried. Alex had retreated to the kitchen with a guy with shoulder-length brunette hair. Reggie was involved in a conversation with Ray; another unexplained phenomenon after the Orpheum.

Your eyes found the mantle with the picture of Theodore and you. Right beside it a lovely photo with Luke dipping you in a kiss and besides that picture was the very last picture of Luke with his parents. How lucky you had been in the years you had lived to end up with a chosen family.

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[ojcobsessed]

Oliver Jackson-Cohen, on Bly Manor and Other Things That Haunt Him

by Diana Colcer for Cosmopolitan Romania, 24 October 2020

Energetic, suave, and anchored in the reality of the problems around us, Oliver Jackson-Cohen is part of a generation of actors looking for something else, something that will remain imprinted in the collective memory. I talked about this with the actor you know from The Haunting - by the way, the latest season, The Haunting of Bly Manor, now on Netflix, is the ideal choice for a scary night, if you want to spend Halloween at home this year. Let's see what Oliver Jackson-Cohen has to say about Bly Manor and other things that haunt him.

"Why choose a role that's safe when you can take risks?" This is the question that came to my mind as I was documenting the interview with Oliver Jackson-Cohen. Because that's what I was gathering from the things we know about him. You first saw Oliver as Luke in The Haunting of Hill House - and now, just in time for Halloween, you can see him again alongside Victoria Pedretti in the even scarier second season, The Haunting of Bly Manor. In this adaptation of the short ghost story The Turn of the Screw by Henry James, Oliver Jackson-Cohen plays the charming and manipulative Peter Quint, a character who hides many scary secrets and… I won't give away more!

So you understand what I'm talking about: Oliver is used to playing characters haunted both by their own inner conflicts (PTSD due to childhood traumas, drug addiction, etc.) and, well, ghosts. And the answer to the question at the beginning of the text, which I did not ask out loud, was given to me while I was talking to him. Born in London, Oliver, the son of fashion designer Betty Jackson, has dedicated his entire career to a different philosophy of acting, starting from the premise that fear makes you grow, develop and get out of your comfort zone.

And that's exactly how most of his roles are. After the BBC drama Larkrise to Candleford, he starred in the Emmy Award-nominated mini-series World Without End, then in shows such as Dracula and Man in an Orange Shirt. In real life, when he "strips off" his characters, Oliver is a guy oozing charisma and sex appeal: he’s 1.91m tall and has a pair of blue eyes in which you can get really lost, an extremely attractive and a style of being (and, let’s face it, dressing) extremely cool. 

So, he’s one to watch, and, as such, we invite you to read the interview he gave us exclusively for Cosmopolitan Romania, after which we found out spectacular details about the unseen parts of horror, fashion, lifestyle and what Oliver Jackson-Cohen has something to say about Bly Manor and other things that haunt him.

What made you determined, at only 6 years old, to become an actor? Simple! I saw Home Alone at the movies and suddenly I wanted to be Kevin McAllister. I just couldn't believe a child was appearing in a movie. I remember my father explaining to me that he was an actor and then I said to myself, "Well, I'll do all that, too."

Many people who discover their dream at such a young age change their minds later. How did you stay in acting?

Looking back, it was probably a stupid thought [process]. But I became fascinated by how you can disappear into another world and how you can become whoever you want. I still think that these things are what kept up my passion for acting. I love the whole process behind this job and the way you translate into reality something that is not, in fact, real. It's also been about luck, I admit - that people pay me to do that, and that's how I make a living.

You appeared in the first season of The Haunting of Hill House as Luke Crain. I was impressed with how you managed to get Luke away from the typical drug addict stereotype. How did you avoid this cliché? I have seen many portrayals of drug addicts over the years and I wanted to show what the person behind the addiction is like, the one who is not defined by this addiction. I think that's an extremely important thing. All over the world, people are struggling with drug addiction and, most of the time, they are excluded and marginalised because of this, but also because they are seen only in this way, as addicts. I didn't intend to do this with Luke. I felt that it was essential for the public to see the man in him, to see that he is someone who is really shaken inside, someone who has lost control of what is happening to him, but who is always trying to control his addiction. 

As a society, we usually condemn or shun such people. We need more empathy in these cases, and these people need to receive the attention shown primarily to them, not to the addiction they suffer from.

When your work is so rigorous, so emotional, I imagine it consumes you a lot to play a character who has struggled with addictions all his life. How do you detach yourself from this intensity? I can't tell you exactly. I don't think you can, to be honest. For the series The Haunting… the filming was long and stressful for all the actors, but also for the crew. I think you have to gradually detach yourself from the story, as much as you can, when you get home, but at the same time, you have to stay in the character's shoes, because the next day you return to the set for a new round of filming. It was a demanding experience, but it was worth it.

Is there anything you wish you’d known before you started working a horror TV show? Or about a series with an intense family drama? Know that it's not that scary when you're filming. Not at all. I started working from the pre-production phase and I knew it was going to be a ghost series… and, initially, I had the impression that there was always “someone” in my Atlanta apartment. But from the moment you get on set, you realise that the series about ghosts is just another job. The coolest thing when you are part of a horror series is when you realise, in the end, that you can watch it [later] without any problems, because all the tension and panic are built up in the editing process.

I know you're a big fan of the horror genre in general. Is it an area you want to explore further? I think so. But I wouldn't say that I intended, from the beginning, specifically, to explore any certain genre. Everything is, in fact, in the characters. Always. If it's an interesting role, I definitely want it. But what I find incredible about this genre is that the dose of horror is often a metaphor for other elements of our lives. But when horror is done properly, it can affect us incredibly, which is true.

You're back to haunt us again in the second season of the Netflix anthology series, this time called The Haunting of Bly Manor. What can you tell me about the new character you play? I'm afraid I don't want to reveal too much and I'd rather you watch the show and form your own impression. All I can say is that the new series, Bly Manor, is completely different from the first, which I like. My current character, a young man named Peter, is the polar opposite of Luke, so for me, as an actor, he was wonderful. Ah, also don’t even try to watch this season at night, alone at home, because the plot is really creepy!

About The Invisible Man, another classic monster comeback, in which you play alongside Elisabeth Moss (The Handmaid's Tale), what can you tell me? The film debates the notion of ownership of a person (editor’s note: Jackson-Cohen's character is a sociopath obsessed with control, and we don't know if he terrorises his ex-girlfriend as a ghost or if he actually staged his death). I look forward to seeing how this film will be received by the public, because Leigh Whannell is an incredible screenwriter and director. He wrote a fresh story, which I find brilliant, which follows the Invisible Man in the context of connections with other characters, but also with real people. It's a very clever movie.

How would you best describe yourself using the title of a movie?

Hm… The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, the classic directed by Sergio Leone in 1966.

Are you into fashion? Yes, I really am. I was raised by my parents who worked in the fashion industry, which influenced me quite a lot over the years.

Do you wear high-fashion pieces in everyday life? Why not?!

Your mother is the designer Betty Jackson. Has he ever given you advice on clothing style?

I don't know if she gave me style advice in the true sense of the word, but it's great to talk to her about style and clothes. Her belief has always been one like "Wear something that makes you feel good,” so I adopted this perspective as well. She is an incredible woman, with a good eye for fashion, so she often helps me.

You divide your life between London and Los Angeles. How do men groom themselves in the two cities? Have you noticed different approaches?

Probably. LA is a more eccentric place in terms of style and fashion, with more pressure to that end, at least from what I've noticed. In Los Angeles, it's more important to look good physically. In London, on the other hand, it seems more important to combine clothes and accessories in a cool and smart way.

How do you stay in shape?

I honestly don’t care. I only exercise when I have to, and when I don't have to, I eat everything I can. I go to the gym if I notice that my weight is getting out of control.

What do you like to do in your free time?

To be the laziest person. Seriously. I would love to count all the hours I’ve spent sleeping or lazing around!

[cross-d-a]

fic tag game

aaahhh @vishcount thank you for tagging me!!! These are so fun and I adored reading about your fic journey~!  ೖ(⑅σ̑ᴗσ̑)ೖ ❤

OH as a note!! For the ppl I tag at the end I don’t expect you to read all of this bc it’s A Lot!!! but I figured you might want to do this game yourself? haha :)

Name: cross-d-a shortened version of my first ever username. unfortunately stuck with it now haha but i’m fond of it :p wish it was cuter tho!!

Posting the rest of this under the cut so it doesn’t eat up people’s dashes!! 

(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

Fandoms: 

oKAY YIKES there are....honestly too many too name. I’ve got a short and obsessive attention span so it’s either all or nothing with me usually. When I can stay in a fandom for a long period of time it’s a miracle. I’ll name the bigger ones that I’ve all written fic for! Even if I’ve never posted them haha

Right now I’m very firmly into Daomu Biji (dmbj). It feels like it’s both got a crap ton of content and yet barely anything at all haha. Maybe because the English fandom is so small. But at least there are a bunch of dramas and books!!! I really, really, really adore dmbj so much!! And a large part of that is the fandom!!! It's been a really cool and unique experience! Everyone in it is truly so kind and wonderful, and I’ve made some really incredible friends because of it (looking at you vish!! ❤). I’ve got a bunch of wips, but I’ve only posted two fics for dmbj!

Before this I was very into Guardian and mdzs. MDZS was my first foray into cdramas and Guardian’s Zhu Yilong really suckered me into watching more haha I also have fics for both these fandoms!

My very first fandoms were Fullmetal Alchemist, D. Gray-Man and Naruto. My very old ffnet account has fics for these and I’ve got a bunch of newer wips on my tablet. Then Star Trek, Twilight, BBC Merlin, Sherlock, Death Note, Harry Potter, How to Train Your Dragon, Battlestar Galactica, Avatar the Last Airbender and Marvel were a few of my main ones in high school. Plus a bunch of anime (like Fruits Basket! and Kuroshitsuji and Natsume Yuujinchou). 

Then college hit and I renewed my childhood love of Tolkien (mainly lotr and the Hobbit), and Star Wars. I also found Teen Wolf! Then after college it was Stranger Things. 

I find myself in a cycle of mild fondness and complete obsession with these fandoms haha I go back to Star Wars at least once a year!! Then I’m in the gffa hole for a few months. Marvel also reoccurs, depending on how interested I am in new content! Star Trek I always always always go back to. TOS is my comfort show and it will never fade from my heart ❤

But for now I’m stuck in cdrama hell and I love it

Tropes: 

Time travel, found family, whump+hurt/comfort, fairytale-like elements, resurrective immortality (thanks to a “Nine Lives” Hobbit fic), CROSSOVERS

I’m a slut for all these things so they often worm their way into my plots haha

I also just- love weird premises. I think that’s the anime influencing me haha

Fic I spent most time on: 

My series he leaves sand and stardust in my wake (main fic is hurricane on the edge of oblivion), I have...spent five years on now. I have done so much research for this fic it’s insane. 

The premise is force ghost!Obi-Wan getting shunted back into his tiny 10 year old self. I incorporate a shit ton of legends and I try to stay as canon as possible. I basically want this au to feel like it’s 1000% plausible while still getting all my gay shit. It’s chock full of whump, redemption, found family, minor characters turning into major characters, and I’ve got slavery uprising on the mind, too. It’s just- everything I could ever want to explore in the Star Wars universe basically. 

It’s my first big project. I started doodling and scribbling ideas in the margins of my notebook in my Scottish History class. I adore it so so so much. But, because of my hyperfixation and fleeting intense obsession with things it makes it- really difficult to consistently update. I leave it for months at a time and I am constantly guilt-ridden about it. Because it’s my baby and I have a lot of wonderful readers. I fear I’ll never be able to finish it. Especially since I’ve written so much and I’m still only in the beginning of it. ( ; A ; )

Also, I’ve spent so much time with Xanatos, Feemor and Bruck that they just feel like mine now. I can’t read any fics that involve them, it’s too strange. Which is a damn shame because I love them so much haha OH ALSO!! I think it’s the first really big fic to include those three?? So I’m very proud about that haha (I’ve had so many ppl comment about how they actually Give A Shit about these three and are Invested bc of me haha)

Favorite fic(s) you’ve written: 

hurricane on the edge of oblivion (with nowhere to go) (Star Wars)

My long-term passion project. My love-letter to Star Wars, I suppose. Reading it now I feel like a lot of it is clunky or long-winded, but I think it really shows the foundation of my writing today :) Main characters are Obi-Wan, Xanatos Du Crion, Qui-Gon Jinn, Bruck Chun and Feemor. Eventually we’ll get to Maul, Savage, Feral, Shmi Skywalker, (more!) Ahsoka, Anakin and a shit ton of clones ❤

things we hunger for (Guardian)

My Ye Zun self-indulgent fic. It’s a time travel amnesia Weilanzun! Honestly has some of my fav writing I’ve ever done. It’s so soft and really indulges in the hurt/comfort. It gives Ye Zun the friends and family I think he deserves. Also, he gets to grow into a (mostly!) functional person and I adore him.

the beast that slumbers within your soul (mdzs)

Jiang Cheng centric fic!! I feel like all my favourite fics I’ve written are love letters haha. This is one def my love letter to Jiang Cheng. This fic possessed me for two whole days. I wrote 16k in almost one sitting. I went to sleep at 6 in the morning bc I couldn’t stop writing. And when I drifted off I kept thinking of new ideas so I’d whip out my phone and write down lines and notes. I- have never ever ever felt that way about anything. It was- insane. It felt insane. It was so amazing. I’m still riding the memory of that high.

 Basically Jiang Cheng actually finds Baoshan Sanren and it turns out she’s a fox demon and Jiang Cheng is descended from wolves. It’s- okay I said the fic above this had my favourite writing?? That was a lie. This has my favourite writing I’ve ever done. It’s unfinished bc I am in dmbj hell but I am still excited about the next chapter which features Wei Wuxian’s pov!!

the whispers of spirits (dmbj)

My current passion project. In a way it kinda feels similar to hurricane? Bc multiple povs, incorporating different aspects of canon (we’ll get there!! I promise!), shit ton of research, etc. etc. I really really really love it for so many reasons. I’m basically taking all the things I was unsatisfied with in Reboot and Sha Hai and running with it. Found family and whump galore! It’s also a love letter to the women of dmbj who really deserve so so so much better.

Honourable mention to:

One Day (you’ll have given more of yourself than is meant to be taken) (Marvel)

This fic also kinda possessed me. I just- couldn’t get rid of the idea of a trans!Thor. And I mean a mtf Thor! It’s just? So many people look at Thor and go “that’s a Real Man.” Full stop. They never think there could be anything more, and it really really really bothered me. So I wrote out my feelings. I’m not trans. I don’t have that experience at all. I’ve had issues and confusion about my gender but nothing like this. I just wanted to do justice to this idea of Thor in my head. And I still feel a bit nervous having posted it. But I've gotten so many comments from people who really connected with what I’ve written? So I’m very very thankful I wrote it and it has a very special place in my heart. It’s a very cathartic fic.

Fic I spent least time on: 

Probably we rise (Star Wars) and I think it shows haha. I wrote it in response to Dave Filoni posting a drawing of Ahsoka and Gandalf telling her “People thought I was dead, too, and look how that turned out...” So I incorporated Ahsoka (and Din and Grogu and Ezra!!!) into the ending of Rise of Skywalker, kinda explaining how I think they could all still be alive. :)

Longest fic: 

hurricane is my longest fic (159k) but I’m kinda worried whispers will eclipse that.....

Shortest fic: 

Of my posted ones it’s The Five Moments it Took Tony and Scott to Admit They Were Best Friends (and the first time they ever did), currently clocks at 1.6k. It’s unfinished tho so maybe that doesn’t count.... otherwise it’s we rise which is completed and 2k.

Most hits/kudos/comments/bookmarks: 

hurricane overall has the most of all these. Though I don’t think hits counts as much bc it’s multi-chapter. If you discount multi-chapter stuff, most hits goes to my obikin smutfic Homecoming, bc people are horny af haha

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: 

If I had energy I’d like to rewrite the beginning of hurricane bc it feels so so wordy. I’d want to expand on One Day bc I really would like to write a whole series with trans!Thor. And like- I’d really like the focus to finish any of my WIPs.

Share a bit of a WIP: I really wanna share my Guardian/dmbj crossover that I started back in August. Bc I adore the idea of wu xie&shen wei&ye zun triplets! Plus time travel!!! I dunno if I’ll ever finish it tho ( ; A ; ) It just feels like a lot to deal with right now.

This scene takes place during the Mountain Awl arc. Guardian crew and desperado fam run across each other at the village! Wu Xie has recently found out that he’s adopted and he’s searching for answers in the area Sanshu originally found amnesiac!toddler!Wu Xie in :) Gonna pull two snippets bc I’m v excited and this might be the only time anyone else sees this fic haha:

“Oh?” Pangzi focuses on Yunlan now, lips twisting. “You think I’ve ‘got the wrong guy,’ huh?” He laughs, but it’s not a nice sound. “That’s rich! Are you that cocky or are you just stupid?”

Bristling, Yunlan drops his hands and scowls. “Excuse me?”

“Sir,” Shen Wei tries. “I think—”

Pangzi’s eyes snap back to Shen Wei, sharp and blazing. “How dare you fucking steal his face!”

What?

Automatically, Zhao Yunlan turns to Shen Wei, but the professor looks just as shell-shocked as Zhao Yunlan feels which- is seriously something. Since everything about Shen Wei is so carefully controlled, kept to the minimum. Except for those delightful little smiles that bloom across his lovely face, or the startled little bursts of laughter that fall from his lips. Or even when anger and frustration spark across his features, cracking his calm veneer open enough that he can see a glimmer of what lies beneath, the fire in those eyes. Zhao Yunlan delights in those moments, makes a game of making Shen Wei’s control slip.

He tells himself it’s nothing more than a game. Nothing more than trying to find out what makes Shen Wei tick.

Zhao Yunlan’s always been very bad at lying to himself. Or very good. Depending on who you’re asking.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Yunlan splutters.

But before anyone can say anything else, a very familiar voice calls:

“Pangzi? What’s wrong?”

Yunlan can feel Shen Wei stiffen, and Yunlan himself is pulled to that voice like a planet in orbit, like the inevitable plummet to the ground.

Another shadow wavers in the doorway before it steps out onto the dirt. Light illuminates shaggy hair, limning it gold, sharply casting everything else in shadow. But as the figure nears, the contrast softens until Yunlan can see the newcomer’s face properly and- and—

“Wu Xie!” Pangzi growls. “We’ve got ourselves an impostor!”

The man wearing Shen Wei’s face steps up to them, brows furrowed and mouth pulled down into a sharp frown. He glances between them, eyes landing on Shen Wei. His scowl deepens. He opens his mouth, but then—

“Wu Xie?” Shen Wei breathes, all trembly and lost and hopeless.

Heart in his throat, Yunlan turns to Shen Wei again. Turns and flinches at that stricken look upon Shen Wei’s pale pinched face.

“A-Xie?” Shen Wei chokes. “Didi?”

and

Pangzi snorts. “Professor?”

“I-it’s true!”

Startled Yunlan swings his attention over to Jiajia who clenches her backpack to her chest, face screwed up in admirable determination. “P-professor Shen took me and Xiao Quan on a field trip to investigate an archeological site around here!”

“Oh?” Wu Xie drawls all slow and amused. “Well, what a coincidence. We’re archeologists, too.”

“With guns?” Yunlan bites out.

Wu Xie raises a brow, grin full of teeth. “Well, you can never be too prepared.”

“Right,” Yunlan drawls right back. “Are you a professor, too, then? You come here with your students?”

Wu Xie outright grins. “You could say that, I suppose.”

Out of the corner of his eye, one of the men rolls his eyes. He’s the one with sharp features, glasses and looped earbuds. Does he think it’s appropriate to listen to music at a time like this? Yunlan admires the man’s gall.

aahhhh vish thanks so much again for tagging me!! This was so fun to relive my fic memories!! I’m gonna tag @alwaysaslutforshakespeare @jockvillagersonly @tehfanglyfish @lichelleme @undyingsunshine @humanlighthouse  @thewindsofsong I’m curious about your guys’ writing and fandom journey!! As always, no pressure to actually complete this!! I just thought it was fun ❤

Wow if you read all of this I am very humbled and impressed, thank you!!

╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

[theradioghost]

some recs for my podcast mutuals who are burnt out on horror & sad plot stuff

aka I’ve been seeing a few flavors of people exhausted by several of the most popular podcasts around here being pretty dark right now & I have attempted to put together a tasting menu of some stuff I think might help alleviate that burnout (& which also deserves some more love)

1. I'm okay with stuff that’s still on the dark or macabre side, I'd just like something that isn’t 100% characters I care about suffering horribly all the time, maybe some laughs in there

The Beef and Dairy Network: Like a seriously disturbing body horror podcast, except British satirical comedy! About cows! You kind of have to listen to it to get what’s going on tbqh it’s nearly impossible to explain but if you like horror and are just tired of being depressed about it maybe try this one. NOT for the easily nauseated.

Wooden Overcoats: black comedy sitcom about two rival funeral homes on a small island, one run by The Most Perfect Man On Earth (tm) and the other run by two misanthropic twins with a knack for disaster (and their hypercompetent assistant (and a mouse who wants to be an author)). this one is about watching the protagonist suffer horribly all the time but like, this time it’s usually a lot funnier and honestly he deserves it

Death by Dying: (so far very short) dark comedy about the resident obituary writer of idyllic Crestfall, Idaho, who sets out to tell the stories of how the town’s residents died and ends up uncovering a lot of other things, like conspiracies, and man-eating cats, and a poet’s vanishing childhood home, and what his friend the Angel of Death isn’t telling him about what’s in the dark woods. has very strong ASOUE or Pushing Daisies vibes, that sort of dark whimsy and really distinct narrative voice

Arden: “true crime” comedy-ish mystery podcast feat. two of the best bickering hosts anywhere and a whole third host called homoerotic tension, trying to solve a decade-old Hollywood mystery. secretly a shakespeare adaptation. one of the hosts is michelle agresti. an airline run by killer robots is involved, somehow. it’s a perfect storm

2. I’m good with some plot and higher stakes, but I need something more kind and hopeful right now:

Middle:Below: 10-minute episodes about a man who travels between the worlds of the living and the dead to solve the problems of restless ghosts, and the three friends he does it with -- a ghost, a cat, and a writer. their tagline is “remember: bad things will happen.” this is basically a lie, this show is extremely sweet

Alba Salix: high fantasy medical workplace comedy about hospital staff in a fairytale-ish kingdom, namely one grouchy witch, one distracted fairy, and one extremely disgruntled teenager sentenced to community service. also comes with the miniseries The Axe And Crown, which is about a gay troll bartender, his clueless landlord, and his bombastic niece, and also is one of the most heartfelt touching pieces of audio fiction I’ve ever heard?

Dark Ages: also a high fantasy workplace comedy, but in this one the dysfunctional cast work at a magical natural history museum, which thanks to recent events is now hosting the mythical Dark Lord on top of all the usual problems caused by their complete incompetency.

Solutions to Problems: a sci-fi relationship advice show feat. human host Janet and alien host Loaf. also feat. banter, illegal time travel, what to do when the AI that controls the air you breathe is your on-again-off-again girlfriend, and how to avoid your many spouses when they insist you need to come back to the homeworld and spend some time with your spawn.

Victoriocity: steampunk buddy-comedy mystery show, in which misanthropic detective Archibald Fleet (aka Tom Crowley but he’s grouchy this time) and intrepid newbie journalist Clara Entwhistle (aka an absolute ray of sunshine) uncover some Secret Plots within the government of a very different victorian london. if you like the “opposing personalities come to care deeply about one another as friends” trope this one is for you

Inn Between: not an actual play, but a show about the developing relationships of a party of RPG-esque adventurers as they rest at the inn between campaigns. you don’t see the adventures, just the crew growing closer and learning about one another in their moments of peace.

The Strange Case of Starship Iris: sci-fi adventure about a stranded biologist and a ragtag crew of smugglers who set out to resist an authoritarian government, solve a mystery, and prevent a second human-alien war. as far as I can tell their plan for accomplishing this is to be as funny, gay, and adorable as possible, and to dismantle oppressive systems via the power of found family tropes. also via the power of linguistics.

3. just give me the fluffiest, funniest, sweetest, most relaxed, lowest-stakes thing you have:

Everything is Alive: meditative, deeply touching show where Guy From Public Radio holds interviews with inanimate objects. the interviews are super genuine and beautiful and I think they’re improvised, or at least they sound very natural? for people who want to be profoundly moved by a can of generic brand cola (you may not know but you are one of those people)

Standard Docking Procedure: a self-described “hopepunk” scifi sitcom about a group of employees on a space station, dealing with the little daily misadventures of difficult tourists, traffic control disasters, nonexistent love lives, and each other. Has an explicitly stated purpose of staying happy, lighthearted, and comforting.

Love and Luck: tied for absolute most heartwarming audio drama in existence. the story of the relationship between two Australian men, told through voicemail messages, as they fall in love, start a cafe, build a supportive and loving local queer community of close-knit friends and chosen family who help one another through thick and thin, and also find out that they can do magic apparently (IMPORTANT NOTE: there are some darker events and themes tackled in the plot starting around the latter half of the first season, but the focus of the story itself is always on how people support and help one another through trauma and difficulty, and the explicitly stated core premise of the show is that every character will have a happy ending and be okay.)

Quid Pro Euro: Look Around You-esque satire of old 80s and 90s instructional tapes where Felix Trench tells you what the European Union will look like in the far-off year of 2000. I don’t know anything about the European Union but I cackle like a witch when I listen to this

The Cryptonaturalist: I know you’ve seen his tweets. well it’s that but a podcast. just a man with an extremely nice voice talking about fantastical creatures like salamanders that swim through parking lot asphalt or foxes that roam the shelves of libraries at night. in between he reads poetry and generally talks about nature in the most beautiful way you could imagine. this show feels like a peaceful walk in the woods.

The Hidden Almanac: a podcast made 90% out of gentle fantasy worldbuilding, as a somewhat grumpy man in a plague doctor mask tells you about the history of his world and distributes gardening advice. has an immense archive of four-minute long episodes. it’s best to listen in order, because there is continuity, and be aware that about the first year or so has dropped off most feeds. written and performed by much-loved fantasy writer and artist Ursula Vernon and her husband Kevin.

Startripper!!: the other forerunner for most heartwarming audio drama in existence. seriously, you cannot imagine how much joy Startripper!! will bring into your life. it’s just the travelogue of one little alien with a heart full of enthusiasm and love setting out to see the universe and making friends along the way with just about everyone he meets, including his extremely loveable spaceship AI. I really mean it. listen to this show if you listen to nothing else.

Cabin Pressure: BBC radio workplace comedy about the dysfunctional crew of the world’s smallest airline. not only utterly hilarious but will tug on your heartstrings more than you could possibly imagine (this does not look at first like a found family story but it so very much is). warning for bendytoots cucumberpatch but like, in the one and only valid role he’s ever played. you definitely cannot find this show by searching its name on the Internet Archive.

[blankdblank]

Hobbit Soulmate Pt 24

Following the directions you had written out after researching maps from Maine, the airport to your next hotel, one oddly metal wrapped hotel in a city of older brick buildings painted lighter shades surrounded by trees. Inside your room the irritating wall of windows was covered and to get ready for the next day of shooting you showered and called your father and Richard after having been texting Lee on your bus ride and walk here. The first week here would be focused on Darkness Falls with a read for The Ring in the week after between scenes continuing your role as nurse in the first thriller. With no costume changes and little variation on locations to be at for you limited to a single building while others were left to more.

Walls of trailers sat waiting for everyone to file into. Among about twelve main speaking actors you had your own to share with the other nurses. It was a simple day today, merely some background scenes but it was laying the groundwork for the scenes to come. Quietly you entered the trailer with the other women chatting as their hair was being wound back into buns allowing you full room of the costume half of the space. A mousy woman just as talkative asked, “Miss Pear I take it?”

You nodded with a grin, “Yes.”

While shrugging out of your jacket she got to shuffling the hangers for your costume. Propping your foot on your leg untying your converse was easy and followed by the second as she unzipped the large garment bag with all you would require. An easy unbuckle of your jeans had them sag enough to grab and step out easily, on top of your folded jacket lying on the chair over your bag the jeans would go. As she eased the uniform out she said, “It really is a straight forward costume. Though I do think the material is nicer than the usual nurse costumes I’ve worked with, at least for comfort with their non snazzy selves.” Her eyes shifted to you in the smooth fold of the jeans you settled into the jacket while she brought out the white pantyhose you would have to wear, “Though these, no helping these.”

Smirking at her comment you had your arms out of the sleeves and in a shrug your baggy t shirt was off over your head pausing her and the hair stylist across the room seeing your toned self in the white colored underwear and bra that you were all asked to supply yourselves. “Can’t stand pantyhose,” You said lowering your shirt that in two easy flicks the sleeves were folded in and the bottom half flipped up to plop the shirt onto your jeans. Your socks were pulled off next, “But at least I’m getting paid to wear them.” Accepting the pantyhose to ease on as gracefully as possible to keep from tearing a seam in the unforgiving accessory they were pulled on and in looking up you asked in her step closer with the step in costume, “Do you just work with us?”

She nodded, “Emma Caulfield has her own wardrobe handler with works with Chaney Kley and Lee Cormie.”

Up over your back over your arms tucked back to ease the sleeves up she lifted the uniform asking, “Is your role really physical?”

In a glance at her when you turned for her to adjust the dress she then buttoned up for you at her silent insistence to do so making it perfect you answered, “Oh, not really, but I have a ballet role in a few months I have to stay in shape for.”

“Ah, that makes sense. Do you do ballet roles often?”

“For films, no, but I have worked with a couple ballet companies between projects. I was too short until last year for most companies to go lead in professional companies.”

A knock at the door had heads turning and a man popped his head in, “Steph we’re having trouble with getting a few of our extras dressed before set time.”

“Right,” glancing between you and him she grabbed your white tie on sneakers saying, “Just these left, Lin is almost done for your hair and makeup.”

“No problem, thank you.” She paused a moment at the odd thanks and flashed a quick grin on darting off to help get everyone else ready for the hospital scenes and Sheriff’s office scenes that would be filming at the same time on side by side buildings.

Against the wall you waited hunched again to tie on the shoes you might as well be barefoot in with the pantyhose if not for the white ankle socks that were tucked inside the thin shoes. With a grin you moved to the chair when called removing your hair clip letting your curls fall down your back for her to wind up into a pinned bun she then brought out the watch they had picked for you to wear helping you to secure it on your wrist. All the while chatting with the woman who just popped in to get you ready right away doing your next to unnoticeable makeup before being called off as well in your move to put your things in your assigned cubby along the wall. With your new copy of Frankenstein book in hand to follow the duo out to the lot that an aid guided you and the others on your ways to your proper sets, being one of the many extras with papers or distractions between takes. Out of the way while the lights were being adjusted after accepting your scene packet for the day against the wall a few eyes shifted to you once you’d read through the packet then lifted your worn second hand book raising curiosity for what the quiet ‘Nurse Lauren Pear’ as named by your name tag was reading.

“Frankenstein?” The Emma Caulfield asked lifting your gaze from the page you folded the corner over closing the book around your finger. “On a horror film set? You must have nerves of steel.”

In her chuckle a weak giggle left you trying to calm yourself to reply, “Two of my friends are in a Dracula film that has Frankenstein and Dr Hyde in it. I’m reading that book next. Tried reading this one when I was little but one of my cousins borrowed it and never gave it back. I got an extra role in it when they do some reshoots so I have to catch up on research and I know Dracula like the back of my hand.”

With a nod she replied shifting her arms around her middle to the chill blowing in from a prop being wheeled into the metal building housing the hospital sets. “Ya on Buffy we have a sort of unspoken rule to have to study up on the history of vampires so I am right there with you. Plus horror genre, not a bad niche. Those your only two horror films?”

“I have a read for another one in a week. Films after I’m done on this one. Little ghost girl who kills people ends up putting me in an asylum.”

“Ooh, nice. So this is a busy winter for you then?”

“Oh yes, was at the premiers for Lord of the Rings in New Zealand and London where I filmed a bit in a film after filming three extra roles back in New York.” Her brows inched up, “And after this next film I have two more roles I’ll be in Texas for a few months on those.”

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever been that busy even with the show.” You shrugged through a grin and she asked, “Are you always that busy?”

“No, not at all. Lord of the Rings was my first film role, and back in September when I got back to New  York there was scores of films needing recasts and more extras due to drop outs of projects out there. From the Directors I met there I got a pack of scripts to read for and it sort of snowballed from there. But I think it’ll even out again by fall. Big plans for you?”

Through another nod and her grin returning she replied, “Yes, I have a few guest spots on some shows and another small film we’re doing the table read for to film next year, but there’s a whole boot camp I’ll have to go through for the last part of the year to get ready.”

“I have to say I kind of like the roles requiring boot camps.” Adding a giggle at the end making her chuckle too.

“They are fun, you aren’t cold?” She asked smoothie her hands over her arms coated by the sleeves of her sweater eyeing your bump coated bared arms when the door had been propped open for several minutes now as a few spare beds were being brought in.

“Used to it. Went to school in New York and London, neither places I stayed in had reliable heaters or hot water.”

Chuckling again she replied, “We’ve all had those apartments starting out. In a better place now?”

“Moved up a floor in New York, so I have warm water if I wake up at two in the morning to bathe, and I stay with my Mate in England at his place, where he has an astonishing house somehow supplied with a working heater and hot water. Brags endlessly.” Making her giggle with you.

“Is it hard being so far from your Mate? Mines out in Canada, been best friends since kindergarten.”

“Aww, so sweet. I only met a few years ago. Started over email as Pen Pals. I was bouncing from school to school from New York to England and I ran into him by chance in a pub by campus after my flight landed.”

“Aww,”

You giggled again, “Yes, now that I’ve graduated, it’s different but easier. I’m traveling for work but we fly out when we can.”

“What does he do, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“Oh not at all, he’s an actor too. He’s with a theater troupe out there most of the year but he’s studying up on a film role, just had a tv trilogy on BBC actually. This new one’s got something to do with being a security guard,” you said with a giggle, “Some murder mystery, not really sure how he’s prepping. Might be in a training course for experience if he’s feeling dedicated enough for it.” Gaining another chuckle from her at your next giggling smile shifting from her to the boy coming over to speak with the woman pretending to be his big sister and guardian.

Friendly and just enjoyable to be around from the former wallflower that had come into their view in their eyes was a vast shift from you now. No longer smiling, and cold with eye rolling galore between paths in and out of the shot. Mainly just talking today from background shots to Emma Caulfield’s lines with her fake brother and the Doctors and techs you passed building an unsettling aura that many a relative and patient in hospitals had witnessed, the nurse equaled to dragons or creatures just as callous to their suffering or feelings. Way more than on the page but to you at least the silence of your empty instructions to sit and do nothing or walk too and fro between what even read cruel you had to play the part and not the bubbly ray of sunshine who would turn harsh when alone.

Steadily harsh throughout was your plan and by the smirk on the Director’s face on instructing actors what notes to add to their next take or scene a wide yet bashfully proud smile split across your face as he said, “Miss Pear, keep doing what you’re doing.” Always however between takes the bubbly came out again. And jokes for the young boy kept him distracted at least while you were around to allow realigning the camera or props. Most commonly having the set echoing with his giggles to your jokes and stories you bonded with him to keeping him where they needed him and away from running off for his gameboy sure to delay things for to long.

..

It was a lovely first week on set and with your first two days off with map in hand you were off to figure out where your table read was. “Two blocks,” Shifting the map slightly to read the address on the call sheet notice you’d copied from your email this morning right into your side a body collided and in front of you another map fell.

“Oh shit, sorry,” the man said as you bent to grab his foldable map you passed back then stopped to point at him making his brows inch up.

“Hey you’re heading to the read too, right?”

“For, The Ring?” He asked lowly as if he’d be tackled for saying the just barely still pre production film out loud in the streets.

“Ya, I’m playing Becca, you’re the lead future dead guy.”

In relief he chuckled and accepted his map, “Yes, well, future dead guy is lost. Gave my cab the wrong address I guess and he dropped me at a corner by a gas station bout half a mile back.”

“Well I think it’s two blocks. Went to school in New York, so maps are kinda my forte.” Making him smile and join you on the path only to look down spotting on the side of your middle and ring finger a heart and the word ‘Morning’ written in two different styles he’d noticed following your gaze to your sudden giggle.

“New tattoo?”

Glancing up at him with a grin you shook your head, “No, my Mate’s up. He’s out in England. I always write morning when he’s sleeping and he writes back when he wakes up.”

His smile crept out saying, “That is adorable. All I get is some bad Ozzy Osbourne echoing in mine’s showers.” Making you giggle again as he remembered to pull a band-aid out for his Mate Marker to cover on the side of his finger so the singing wouldn’t disturb him while reading today.

“That is nice too. I get his singing at night while he cooks and showers. Love in an Elevator.”

“Classic,” Making you both chuckle again. “Ooh.” He said seeing a car with cameras drive by, “Must be getting close.” On the corner you saw a block away a taxi stop and out of it you saw Liev Schreiber step out to help Naomi Watts smiling in accepting his warm hug and kiss goodbye captured on film before his climb back in to head wherever taking the cameras with him when she hurried inside. “Aha, the finish line.” He looked down at you asking, “Were you going to walk everyday?”

“It’s not far. Just about ten minutes on foot. Used to hoofing it.”

“Well if I do pass you up I’ll stop to let you in, weather apparently is fickle out here.”

When the crossing light changed you crossed only to spot the other teens crammed in a single taxi piling out after realizing they were staying together at the same hotel and wished to save some cash by pooling funds. “Hey.” He said waving to the teen who recognized him.

Into the group you blended and the teen girl you would be doing the earliest of your scenes with at the apparent sleepover asked, “Which hotel are you at?”

“Bit-Moore? I think,” looking at your room key keychain you pulled from your pocket you said, “No, Jaybird, oh that’s right the Bit one was in Canada...”

She smiled saying, “You’ve been to Canada? Have you been skiing yet? I love their slopes.”

“Not yet, bit scared to ski honestly.”

In a chuckle she replied patting your arm, “Trust me, I was nearly in tears first time I went but now I love it. Just love it.” Flashing her a grin you tried to mask the fact that you would most likely never ski nor wish to try hoping that someone would change the subject only for Amber’s eyes to flinch wider as she said, “Oh my god, your eyes are purple!”

Seemingly shuffling to all get a better view of your bright eyes lit by the light pouring in through the large windows in the front lobby. Each person gawked while curiously after being buzzed through the door to the back Naomi eyed the group deciding to wait on her own peek at the purple eyed stranger hidden in the group of cast mates coming for the table read. “So pretty,” echoed around from a few of the female teens while the guys gave a sort of nod and at the gentle pat on your back from your self decided carpool buddy, Martin Henderson, the group shifted to the main desk to let the curious woman behind the desk know what your group was here for.

Amber again took your side as you all waved your way through the door confirming from the stack of headshots who had arrived that she checked off her official list counting how many more were to come. Patting your arm again she said, “That was rude. Wasn’t it?”

You shook your head, “Not at all.”

“Still, I’m sorry you must get that all the time.”

“Not really.”

“Seriously?” Said one teen while another replied, “You must be joking.”

“No, well, you see I grew up in Texas and my dad’s brothers all look exactly like him, so all us cousins look alike, dark hair and purple eyes with a few green eyed stragglers in between.” Making one of the male teens chortle to himself at the term, “So when we went to school it was just another one of us walking through the halls. Only the transfer students or foreign exchange students were shocked really. Then I went to England for college when I was sixteen after skipping a few grades and I don’t think I’d seen so many bloody noses from collisions and just wide eyed stares. My first day moving in to my dorm and this big rugby player just stops staring so I turn around thinking there’s a spider or a mad dog or something behind me and it took about ten people either bumping into things and just staring for me to ask the lady at orientation day if I had something on my face or clothes,”

Martin Henderson, “What’d she say?”

“Purple. Just looked me dead in the eyes the whole time and all she could say was purple. Sad to say I’d just gotten off my flight so it took a few minutes to click but I got used to it and it sort of rippled around campus and everyone got their turn to gawk and then it calmed down till family or friends would visit.”

Amber, “Just like that?”

“Just like that, because then the people who had heard me talk let everyone know that I was from the States and I became a different type of sideshow for their interest. So by the time I got hired as a waitress I picked up the accent because I was not going to be the purple eyed Southern Belle to every single person seated in my area.” Making the teens chuckle as you let out a giggle filing after Martin Henderson into the conference room where Naomi and a few of the actors playing her friends and coworkers mingled over coffee.

Another teen asked, “So it’s just been like that since leaving your hometown?”

“Little bit. I mean my southern accent didn’t help in Julliard but the eyes helped me to get more than a few photographers willing to snap pictures helping to get some headshots and a book for some printed ad work. Work what you got, even if I was under five feet I made it work for me. Might not know your name but everybody is curious when they hear or read about the eyes on my resume.”

One of the male teens nodded his head saying, “Certainly gets your foot in the door at least.”

The guy to his right said, “Ice breaker for sure. I hear a chick has purple eyes, man, I gotta check that out.”

Starting off groggily the Director entered and swiveling heads led to everyone finding their own wheeled chair. Smirks spread at the call to wheel around the table to the empty patch of the room for cast on each scene. By the break for lunch the scenes with the other teens were done and you would return for another hour at least to talk about your asylum scenes you had been aching to get to. Notes and details on extra things to add to the performance halfway read as for performance merely to get a tongue for the lines and tempo wished for each scene. A question of using Naomi’s hand added what would be a whole layer of sinister to the scene that the director asked you to try and keep from blinking through the day of. All the same once those were through with the guard and nurse for your lone scenes in the asylum you were free to head out back to your hotel.

“Hey Richy Rich, love you, just checking in to say that my read is done and I can’t wait to hear about that meeting of yours. Talk to you later,” a hard bump into your shoulder from a man taking up his and your side of the walkway nearly making you drop your book, “Jackass!” You shouted that in his turn to shout at you when he hit you, a reach for your bag ended in your swift kick between his legs spurring a pained squeal from him in a drop to his knees clutching his groin in a collapse forward. Shaking your head you passed a parked cop car that had expected to be chasing a purse snatcher only to be on the verge of wheezing from laughter at how the man’s scuffle had ended. “Shit,” you muttered seeing that the call had ended and no doubt Richard would have a surprising message.

You would have called back only a call from a friend from Karl Urban, “Hey Gimli, I sort of have a favor to ask.”

“Alright,” you replied with a smirk, “I may sort of have a way to help you out. What’s the favor?”

“Well, that film I told you about, Ghost Ship, it premiers this weekend in New York, and for the life of me I can’t seem to book a hotel room.”

“Well no doubt it’s pageant week.”

“Pageant week?”

Softly you giggled saying, “Well I don’t have much sway with hotels but you could crash at mine. I have a three day weekend so I could fly back-,”

“You aren’t there? If-,”

“I’m just in Maine, six hours by train but I could find a red eye for cheap, Lee called yesterday anyways he’s got a show at school he’s anxious about I could surprise him and sit in.”

“You wouldn’t mind? Plus my Lady couldn’t get off for the trip so you could be my plus one if you’re up for a thriller.”

Giggling softly you replied, “I seem to be in a thriller mood lately, just finished my read for my second.”

“Really, wow, when do they start?”

“One is started already, lasts another couple weeks, the second starts next week for a few. Not that big for roles, fleeing nurse and teen locked in an asylum.”

“Ooh, asylum thrillers are fun. Can’t wait to see it.”

“Well I can’t wait to see yours, Ghost Ship, sounds fun on the title alone.” Making him smirk, “How’s your Lady Love handling your trip?”

“Good, excited. I’ve been talking about breaking from simple background for so long it’ll be good for her to see I’m gaining some momentum. How’s your Mate, will he be alright with my staying over?”

“There won’t be any jealousy issues, he’s got a meeting today about a few possible parts and even a commercial, which he’s skeptical about. I don’t know if he was teasing about his snogging a watermelon part of his message,” Karl laughed through the line making you giggle again, “I kind of hope there’s a tape if there is any fruit snogging involved. But when my dad stayed there we got a couple mattresses to lay out in my half bed.”

“Half bed?”

“You’ll see, it’s nothing lavish, so please don’t expect that.”

“Oh no, trust me, I will be grateful for the floor and a hook for my suit.”

“Well I can do a bit better than the floor, even feed you too.”

“You are so kind,” a beep on his end had him saying, “Sorry, that’s my other line but I will see you Saturday I will text you the flight time and all that.”

“Have fun, talk to you later.” He repeated the sentiment and you hung up exhaling sharply taking the last turn for the final stretch to your hotel. Curiously you paused on your way to the open lift halfway filled and headed for the front desk where the grinning manager came over eager to help you. With a grin you said, “Hi, I have a question, I have to fly to New York this weekend for a few days,” he nodded, “That wouldn’t effect my reservation here, will it? I won’t find I’ve been booted out for not using the bed for a few nights?”

To himself he chuckled and said, “Not at all, Miss Pear. No, you have booked the room and used or not the bed is yours through the next month. Especially in our rainy seasons we have guests skiff out to clearer towns for nights out. Would you like us to call you a taxi for your flight?”

“Um, sure,”

He nodded and said, “When you have confirmed the flight time simply call us and we will note it in our books for you.”

“Thank you.”

“You are very welcome, Miss Pear. Have a lovely evening.” He said and you nodded, turned for the lift to head up to your room to eat something and book your flight.

Sure enough after messaging Lee and emailing your friends from Oxford Richard did call back laughing about his message he just had to hear the explanation for the outburst at the end then delved into his meeting again smiling as he deflated a bit being able to speak with you again after a rough night alone. Having shared a dinner on one of the fifty anniversaries Richard loved to point out and make special even over distances tonight would be much better for him while you laid there sighing at the empty hotel room without any power from a downpour that somehow hadn’t lulled you to sleep just yet.

.

The Ring came more complex with you befriending some of the teens you were to be pictured with up at a cabin and also in the house where your friend would be killed by the ghost girl. The Asylum scenes however led to your greatest stretch of the role landing you across Naomi who fed off your convincingly chilling portrayal of a broken haunted person. It took a few days for her to shake off the encounter with you so contradictory to your bubbly self helping to lighten the mood between your hard scenes, a much needed distraction however lacking once you had left the rainy state.

Two hours was all you managed to steal for a nap before the day of uniform wearing concerns for Lee Cormie for the scenes before his attack that would be filmed later this week.

Each day you were able to get a bit more sleep while realizing the change was from the sugar pill week of your birth control pills always roughing up your sleep patterns with the dull cramping and soreness to your breasts you always forgot about until you ended up brushing against or rolling onto your stomach or sides. You weren’t a back sleeper normally and this was what you were reduced to, at east with Richard you ad a body cuddled across you to nestle against. Now you just laid there on the useless bed might as well being on the floor for how uncomfortable you felt at the whims of your body in a petty revenge for not using another of your perfectly good eggs it had worked so hard on.

Friday came and before you had realized it Lee was yet to be informed of your return. Takeoff however had your eyes drooping and a tap of a hand on your shoulder had your lips pursed lifting your head from the wall by the window, “Lighthouse, right.” You blurted out making the flight attendant smirk as she had come to make sure that out of the thirty people on the flight you and the other two stragglers were aware of the landing. “Sorry, New York?” You asked unbuckling seeing that the guy across the aisle was gone from his seat with the overhead bin open and empty.

“Yes, do you need help with your bag?”

“Um, probably, had some help getting it up there.” She nodded and stood again to bring your satchel down as you stood bringing your purse from under the seat holding your books and travel papers. “Thank you,” you said taking the bag to walk in front of her blinking awake with subtle swipes of fingers around your eyes thankful for forgetting your make up today. Too tired to care about being seen this exhausted. With duffel picked up in baggage claim the familiar bus then train trip back again came to an end on the sidewalk leading to your stoop.

“Hey!” Out the front door Lee’s eyes snapped open and down he trotted making you grin and accept his tight hug, “You’re back!”

“Yes, thought I’d surprise you at your show. Plus a friend needed a bed for a premier he asked me to.”

That had his brows inching up once you were on your feet again, “Oh, which friend?”

Smirking at him you said, “He’s married with a son at home, Karl Urban from New Zealand. Didn’t know it was pageant week filling hotels. But his lady couldn’t make the trip so he’s lending me his plus one to Ghost Ship.”

“Ooh, that one looks good.”

“Yes it does, and you should be off. I have to nap and try and think up a dress, might just wear my purple one again with a vest, or something, don’t really trust my boobs right now to be out,” His brows shifted in his glance to your chest in the step you took around him, “Go head to class. See you at two.”

“I’m glad you’re back, even if it’s just for the weekend.” Stealing another hug and peck on your cheek.

Pt 25

[youknowmymethods]

Content Creator Interview #7

Welcome to interview number 7! Guys, this is a two-parter with fandom friends @ellis-hendricks and @geekmama posing a similar set of questions to each other. Ellis won the coin toss, so she’s up first -- discussing why her husband is to blame for her Sherlock obsession, fluffy realism, and why John reminds her of a sad walrus -- with geekmama’s turn coming next week. 

Ellis_Hendricks (interviewed by geekmama) 

We are, respectively, a Californian and a Geordie, and we got to know each other through reading and reviewing each other’s fics (geekmama’s ‘Time of the Season’ series was one of the first fics I read and loved). Geekmama has been writing in the fandom for around 3 years, and I’ve been doing the same for around 2 years, spurred on by the end of series 4 (and the ILY scene in particular). We started beta-reading each other’s work around a year ago, and are always discovering new and unexpected words and phrases that don’t translate across the pond! Although we’ve used the same set of questions for these interviews, we haven’t seen each other’s answers – so it does mean that if nobody else is interested, at least we will be!

Questions about the series

geekmama:  Was there a particular moment in the series that set the ship sailing for you?

Ellis_Hendricks: It happened as soon as I started paying attention properly! I missed series 1 when the BBC first showed it, and when it was repeated, it was my husband who wanted to watch, and I was just casually joining in. But I think it was probably ASiB that did it for me - the contrast between Irene and Molly, and the manner in which Molly stood up for herself.

geekmama:  What's your favourite episode and why?

Ellis_Hendricks: I know it’s considered by some to be the least ‘Sherlock’ of Sherlock episodes, but it’s got to be The Sign of Three. The Best Man speech alone is an amazing piece of writing and performance, but then you’ve got the Worst Stag Night in History (™), Sherlock’s Mind Palace interactions with the women caught up with the Mayfly Man, and of course, Molly stabbing her fiancé with a fork! But it also reveals some of Sherlock’s secrets (his love of dancing) and vulnerabilities (his loneliness), and they’re so deftly woven into the action and the comedy. From a Sherlolly point of view, the ‘planning the stag do’ scene is always going to be a classic (I particularly love how Molly has the upper hand here), and then there’s the look on Molly’s face during Sherlock’s speech that so clearly shows that she only has eyes for the Best Man.

geekmama:  If you could ask/tell the series writers one thing, what would it be?

Ellis_Hendricks: Very hard to pick one thing, as there are so many moments when you really want to interrogate the writers’ intentions, particularly when they (deliberately, infuriatingly) leave things vague! I have always wanted to know, though, how Janine came to be Mary’s chief bridesmaid - was Janine a pawn used by Magnussen to befriend Mary and gain her trust, was she in on it in some way (seems unlikely), or were she and Mary genuinely just friends and the connection was just a massive coincidence?!

Oh, and at what point did Sherlock realise that Molly was engaged? The way the camera zooms into her engagement ring implies that this was the moment he noticed (and his previous behaviour would largely support that) - but it’s hard to believe that Sherlock would miss a detail like that.

geekmama: Do you have a controversial opinion about the series? E.g. a character who everyone else hates, but who you love?

Ellis_Hendricks: I’m not keen on Irene, although that’s probably not a controversial opinion. But it’s not particularly for shipper reasons - I just don’t like what the writers did with the character, which, to me, was quite tired and hackneyed. I do have a soft spot for poor Tom, though - and actually, I don’t think his ‘meat dagger’ idea was that idiotic! In other circumstances, if Sherlock had come up with that, it would have been hailed as genius!

geekmama: Have you ever, when watching an episode, cracked a case before Sherlock?

Ellis_Hendricks: Ha! No. Although I did notice right away that the same actress (Sian Brooke) was playing multiple roles in TLD - not that I worked out why, though!

geekmama: With whom would you rather be stuck at a wedding table - Janine or Irene? Donovan or Anderson?

Ellis_Hendricks: I would be massively intimidated by all three women, for different reasons, and Anderson would obviously be intolerable. It’s probably got to be Donovan - she’d have some good police stories, at least, and she probably wouldn’t try to make me dance.

geekmama: Who would you rather bring back in series 5 - Mary or Moriarty?

Ellis_Hendricks: I really like Mary, but I would throw something at the TV if it turned out she’d faked her own death somehow. I was sad she was killed off, but once it’s done, I think it has to be final. Moriarty has probably had his day now, too, especially in the light of the revelations about Eurus - although his suicide was a brilliant shock, I do wonder whether Moftiss killed him off too soon.

geekmama: Whose house would you prefer to live in - Sherlock's, John & Mary's, Molly's or Mrs Hudson's?

Ellis_Hendricks: If the rest of Molly’s flat/house is as nice as her kitchen, then Molly’s (although the kitchen wasn’t at all what I would have imagined for her). Although it has some nice quirks, I would generally see 221B as a horrible regression to student filth.

geekmama: In your opinion, who has been the best series villain - Jim Moriarty, Charles Magnussen, Culverton Smith, or Eurus Holmes?

Ellis_Hendricks: I think it has to be Jim, if only because he was the most fun. Magnussen and Smith were clearly despicable human beings in their own way, and they were both incredibly chilling. Although Eurus is a fascinating prospect, as a character in this particular show (and with the history she was given), I found her harder to buy into - it was all a bit too Silence of the Lambs.  

Questions about your writing

geekmama: What was your first fic? What prompted it, and how do you feel about it now?

Ellis_Hendricks: It was ‘Completely Backwards’ - aka, Sherlock hatches a plot to get Molly pregnant, because he somehow thinks it will make her happy. It ended up being part of a much longer series, although I didn’t plan it that way. In fact, I wrote it more or less freeform, and it wasn’t beta-read, so I guess it’s a bit rough around the edges - looking back, there are a few small plot points I would change (mostly due to my relative lack of grounding in the series at the time), but it more or less stands up. Two years later, people are still reading and liking it, so it must work okay!  

geekmama: Which fic are you most proud of/most attached to, and why?

Ellis_Hendricks: I’m genuinely quite proud of all of them, but I’m really pleased with the way both ‘In Loco Parentis’ (which follows Sherlock and Molly through 18 years of godparenting) and ‘A Knockout Christmas’ (Sherlock does A Christmas Carol) turned out. Both were quite big challenges. ‘In Loco Parentis’ involved thinking about how Sherlock and Molly would develop as a long-term married couple, how everyone’s lives might change and move on, and also both creating and sustaining original characters (in the form of their kids - and to an extent Rosie, who is not mine, but who we only know as a baby, and therefore have to take a guess at!). ‘A Knockout Christmas’ was an idea that came to me in a moment of insanity, and which I wrote fairly quickly - but I felt as though it had to strike a balance of being true to the series, and close enough to A Christmas Carol so that it followed similar beats and themes. Oh, and getting the choice of Sherlock’s ‘ghosts’ right was vital as well!

geekmama: In what ways does that old rule, “Write what you know” affect your writing?

Ellis_Hendricks: Quite a bit, I think. Or if I want to write about something that I don’t know, I do sufficient research so I can at least bluff that I know about it! My background is totally arts-based, so I feel very out of my depth when writing about anything sciencey (Chemistry was my worst subject in high school - I felt like doing a victory parade when I passed that exam!). I’m also not well-versed in fantasy or sci-fi literature, so I would also feel a bit of a fraud attempting something in an AU along those lines. Most of my fics are straightforward family/relationship pieces, and I suppose that’s my comfort zone. Generally speaking, my life is far too uneventful to actually inform plotlines - although Molly’s medical emergency in ‘Under One Roof’ was based on the birth of my younger child (and writing it served as cheap therapy!)

geekmama: What are your worst writing habits? What are your most overused phrases, plotlines, etc.?

Ellis_Hendricks: I’m not so hot on writing beautiful, detailed description, so I feel it’s something that’s lacking a bit in some of my fics - and it’s kind of out of laziness, and an impatience to get to the bits I do like! I think that I’m a bit repetitive when it comes to describing people’s gestures/facial expressions/reactions, and I’m also guilty of burdening characters with the same old verbal tics and quirks. In terms of plotlines, you could probably argue that all of my fics are basically the same story written from a slightly different angle!

geekmama: Do you have a writing routine? Where and when? And is everything digital, or are things ever handwritten first?

Ellis_Hendricks: Oh, for a writing routine! When I come up with an idea, it’s a case of frantically jotting down notes (usually on my PC or phone, but occasionally on paper if that’s more convenient at the time) - I then try to work those notes into a story plan in bullet points, usually including bits of dialogue if it occurs while I’m thinking. I generally have to write in short bursts, as and when I have time - at my desk during my lunch hour, on my phone while commuting (by train, I hasten to add - not while driving), at home once the small people have gone to bed. But if I had more time, I know I’d only procrastinate!

geekmama: Who do you enjoy writing the most?

Ellis_Hendricks: I’d love to give a more interesting answer, but it’s probably Sherlock - although writing his parents is also a lot of fun.

geekmama: Who do you find easiest/hardest doing first person POV?

Ellis_Hendricks: I think I’ve written from Sherlock’s, Molly’s, John’s, Mary’s and Mycroft’s POV, and to be honest, I’ve loved doing all of them, because each presents a different writing challenge. Mary was possibly the hardest, because she’s such a closed book in a way, and so much is unknown - and because I want to be sympathetic to her, at the same time as finding some of her choices questionable! Writing ‘A Dead Man in the Family’ really got me into writing Mycroft - to the point that I actually started to feel an affinity with him, which was a bit disconcerting!

geekmama: Which fic would you recommend to someone who has never read your stuff before?

Ellis_Hendricks: Hmm, if someone wanted a quick taster, maybe ‘The Wedding Planner’ or a recent one, ‘A Piece of That’. Most of my fics are multi-chapter, so if you’re willing to get your teeth into something longer (so to speak - that sounds wrong!), you could try ‘Not What it Looks Like’ (only 3 chapters), or start with ‘Completely Backwards’ and then see whether you want to keep reading that series for the next five months!

geekmama: What do you value most when it comes to feedback?

Ellis_Hendricks: All feedback is wonderful (except for the time a 12-year-old tried to start an ALL CAPS fight with me about Eurus!). For me, the greatest compliment is when people say that the characters feel authentic, and/or a story feels like a missing scene from the series. Anytime that someone says a story made them laugh, cry, or otherwise have a spontaneous outburst of emotion, that’s amazing, too. But having that dialogue with readers is what is important - the feeling that you’re not just throwing out stories into the void, and the encouragement that keeps you writing.

geekmama: Would you ever go back and revise old fics - or do you consign them to history once they're published?

Ellis_Hendricks: No, I’m pretty much of the feeling that what’s done is done. The only changes I’ve made are spelling/grammatical ones that I’ve spotted later on - or when I’ve spotted a glaring error that might throw people out of a story. I don’t think I’d ever do a wholesale rewrite.

geekmama: Do you - or would you - write other pairings?

Ellis_Hendricks: I write other established pairings, e.g. John and Mary, and have written post-TFP fics where Mycroft and Lady Smallwood are a couple in some way, but I haven’t written other fan pairings. Everyone is totally free to ship who they like, but I guess I just write the ones that appeal to me.

geekmama: How would you define your style?

Ellis_Hendricks: One reviewer described it as ‘fluffy realism’, so I think I might pinch that! Generally, my fics are fairly close to canon, and use events in the series as a hook or jumping-off point.

geekmama: What's your method in approaching a story? Do you plan methodically, or wing it?

Ellis_Hendricks: I used to wing it, but I’m better at planning these days - it at least means that if I lose momentum or have a gap between chapters, I’ve got something to fall back on. When writing a multi-chapter fic, I used to publish a chapter and then write the next, but now I tend to try to write the whole thing first (or at least get a few chapters ahead) - much less stressful that way!

geekmama: Who do you write for? Is it you, or are you thinking about trying to please your audience?

Ellis_Hendricks: Certainly in the early days, I was just writing things that I would like to read, as there was no guarantee that anyone else would be interested! That’s probably changed a bit now, but I go by the rule that if I don’t find something engaging and entertaining, then I’ve got no right to expect that other people will!

geekmama: Do you have any WIPs, and do you think new chapters will ever see the light of day?

Ellis_Hendricks: No, I don’t have any WIPs - I’m not good at juggling more than one idea at a time, and I’m a bit of a compulsive completer, too. If I get a new idea while writing a fic, I make a few frenzied notes and then bury it until I’m ready.  

geekmama: Are you working on anything at the moment?

Ellis_Hendricks: All I have is an outline for a one-shot, which I’m hoping will see the light of day before too long.  These days, it’s really hard to come up with something that hasn’t already been done (and done well) by someone else!

geekmama: What’s harder for you - writing the start of a fic, or coming up with a decent title?

Ellis_Hendricks: The start of a story, because of that need to grab people (hopefully a reader might forgive a crap title?!). I had a teacher who said that once you’ve written something, you should always go back and jettison the first paragraph, because it’s usually a pointless preamble - not sure whether I agree with that entirely, but I do always check to see whether there’s a better way of just jumping into a story.

Reading other people's fics

geekmama: What are your favourite tropes in the fandom?

Ellis_Hendricks: Lots of the old favourites. Off the top of my head...bed-sharing, Molly as ‘the missus’, secret dating/marriage, being lab partners, accidental pregnancy.

geekmama: What things are likely to turn you off a fic?

Ellis_Hendricks: I try to be pretty open-minded, but I’m not keen on fics where Sherlock is portrayed as insanely jealous or aggressively dominant, or when Molly is a bit of a teenage fangirl, usually with little or no backbone. Another is where Tom turns out to be a total bastard, either before or after Molly breaks up with him - I know we don’t see a lot of him, but I don’t read him that way at all, and I like to think that (even after Jim from IT!) Molly has better judgement.

geekmama: Can you recommend 3 fics that are not your own?

Ellis_Hendricks: No, because I’ve read too many good ones. But I’m always excited when I see something new from geekmama, MizJoely, Writingwife83, waitingtobedistributed, OhAine, Quarto, sunken_standard, miabicicletta, forthegenuine or hobbitsdoitbetter.

geekmama: What compels you to leave comments on top of kudos?

Ellis_Hendricks: I don’t know exactly - but it does feel like a compulsion. If something has really impressed me, moved me, made me laugh, or has prompted me to go and read the whole thing again, then it definitely warrants a comment.

Quick-fire questions!

John's TEH moustache or his TAB moustache?

Ellis_Hendricks: TAB moustache, because it’s acceptable for the period setting. TEH moustache makes him look like a sad walrus.

Sherlock's purple shirt or white shirt?

Ellis_Hendricks: Can’t say I’m fussy in this regard, but...purple. Or the all-black get-up from ASiB.

Molly's stripy jumper or cherry cardigan?

Ellis_Hendricks: Stripy jumper - it looks cosy (although I would snag it on everything).

Mary's christening outfit or black-ops gear?

Ellis_Hendricks: Black-ops. I’d wear it when I’m surreptitiously moving my neighbours’ bins.  

Submitted by @thisisartbylexie: Your way of presenting Mary and Molly's friendship is so realistic and rich. What made you want to write about it?

Ellis_Hendricks: Thank you - and that’s such a great question! (I also had no idea that artbylexie had read my fics, so that made my day.) Well, I’m a feminist, and I think that female friendships are worth celebrating whenever you can. Also, Molly and Mary are both such brilliant characters in their own rights, and I was keen to think about their lives outside of their relationships to the men in the series. It always fascinated me that Molly wasn’t a bridesmaid at the Watsons’ wedding, but she was made a godmother less than nine months later - so a strong friendship must have developed in that time. I tend to think that, because of her past, Mary wouldn’t have fostered many genuine friendships, but that she can’t help but make an exception for Molly. Makes me want to write something else for them now!

Submitted by @ohaine: this is a joint question for Ellis and geekmama: Do you feel that working together as betas has changed the way you both write?

Ellis_Hendricks: Yes, I’m certain it has made me up my game! The quality of geekmama’s own work (both creatively, in terms of plot, and technically, in terms of grammar and structure) is very high, so I suppose I have that to aspire to when I write, too. She’s great at spotting my errors or opportunities for improvement - I guess that could make me lazy (knowing she’ll pick them up), but I think it makes me more determined to do a good job first time around, so she doesn’t have too much to do!

Next week, April 5th 2019, the shoe is on the other foot and @ellis-hendricks puts her questions to @geekmama

[elizadoolittlethings]

Toby Hadoke’s adaptation of Nigel Kneale’s The Road aired on October 27 to great acclaim. Here, Hadoke talks about the necessary alterations for the story, as well as its tributes to the first production…NB This portion of the interview contains major spoilers for The Road. If you’ve not heard it yet, do so now!

Do we know if Nigel Kneale ever considered The Road as a radio script? It’s clear that what Brian Hodgson and the Radiophonic Workshop did back in 1963 was what he was after from the start – it was never going to be a big visual thing.

One of the big comments I got back from [Radio 4 Commissioning Editor] Jeremy Howe when we first pitched it was: “How is this going to work with the climax relying on a juxtaposition of the sound that we can hear and the visuals of the characters in the time period they are in, and the incongruity of hearing those sounds laid over the image of the people in that period clothing?”

He was quite right about that. Charlotte Riches who’s produced it has been a great advocate of mine and done pretty much everything I’ve done for radio; she’s an extremely experienced producer, and is brilliant and very hot on scripts. She said that the edit on the final five minutes of the play was the biggest and hardest job she’d had, and she’d produced hundreds of hours of radio drama. She gave herself a five-day edit on this because she knew this was going to be a biggie.

When you can see the pictures, you know where you’re supposed to be looking; when you’re listening on radio you have to create the points of view and it’s difficult to go, “Are we now with the haunting, or are we still in the woods, and those in the woods can hear the haunting?” On telly, we can see the people who can hear the haunting listening, so we have an anchor. On the radio, you go, “Why are we suddenly with the haunting?” It was really confusing to work out where the listener’s point of view was.

They say the pictures are better on radio – but when you need to create a very specific one, it has to be much harder. I think it works – there’s a lot of very clear audio cues placing us in the period before we get the stuff that’s out of place. Therefore we know the juxtaposition has to be doing something. In the radio version you’re giving us all their reactions through the haunting…

We had to keep cutting back to them. In the original, the haunting is just a series of fractured sounds, whereas in ours, it was Charlotte’s idea that we needed a narrative in the haunting to follow. We have a mother and a lost daughter character in the haunting who are entirely our invention, so we have a little mini story to follow within the haunting itself, otherwise we weren’t quite sure if it wasn’t going to be too fragmented and too confusing to follow.

All the dialogue in the haunting is entirely new, and we planned that quite hard… apart from the object that you can hear that is taken from the original BBC tapes. Although the play doesn’t exist, I had a bit of a brainwave. I dropped Mark Ayres an email and said, “I don’t suppose in your hall of records for the BBC Radiophonic Workshop the sound effects for The Road exist?” and he said, “I’ve got a tape here that says The Road.” He’s a superstar and sent me what was there, and we seeded a couple of bits in just because it’s a play about sound travelling through time, so why not have sound from the original play travelling through time to us? I thought that was nicely appropriate and a nice nod to the great people who went before us.

The original version was post-Cuba with the threat of nuclear holocaust very present – did you consider changing what the tragedy was that caused the haunting or did you want to keep it as close to the original as possible?

Unfortunately Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un came along and Putin as well in a sense – so I think a nuclear holocaust is something that’s still possible, and I didn’t think there was anything else it could be. It needed to be the present day, sure, but although we’ve got them listening to the news on the car radio, I didn’t want it to be too specific. Although it’s intended very much that the day of the haunting is the day that we’re listening to it – it’s happening to us – I thought it would sound a bit hokey if I embedded it too much in the very present in terms of our immediate references.

I think it would have worked in the 1980s when the BBC very kindly did a nuclear holocaust season and they showed The War Game, and Threads was on. I remember it was the first nightmare I ever had – I slept in my sister’s room because I watched The War Game and it scared the shit out of me. It was a real threat – I lived in the countryside, and my mum still lives there; there was a radar dome on the hill and we’d always talk about that if there was a nuclear attack, they’d take out that radar dome so we’d be in the fallout anyway. We wouldn’t escape by being in the country.

It definitely was a present and terrifying threat and I just think there’s nothing else that would quite match it. The world could be wiped out by flood or famine, but I don’t think that gives you as visceral a kick.

The big difficulty we had was with one of the sounds: I thought we should have one of those nuclear sirens going off, but I made some enquires. I asked a couple of MPs and Andrew Smith (who wrote Full Circle for Doctor Who and is a former police officer), as well as Tom Harris, the former MP, about what would happen in the event of a nuclear holocaust, and the consensus was that sound is now outmoded. That alarm wouldn’t happen.

The argument, though, was people still associate it with a nuclear attack, and we should use it but in the end Charlotte made the decision not to. I would have been comfortable using it, because it’s a really useful shorthand. We didn’t, and I think that helped to divorce ourselves from the 1960s setting, but it did mean we did not have available to an aural shorthand that says immediately, “There’s a nuclear bomb!”

So you have to find a way of doing it in the dialogue without having someone say, “I always thought I’d die in a nuclear war!” Or, “Look Jane, here’s a warhead!”

The mother and daughter bit sells that – as they’re describing the cloud. The bit that’s haunted me [and still gives me goosebumps when I transcribe this a few weeks later] is the mother saying, “Close your eyes and make a wish.”

That’s the bit that Charlotte really loved; she said when she read it she got chills down her spine. That’s nice because I wrote that bit!

The actors in the haunting include some quite well known actors, and the girl is the daughter of the producer. Nigel Kneale’s biographer, Andy Murray, is in there somewhere – he lives round the corner from me.

How much of the 40 minutes up to the haunting did you have to rework for radio, and how much could you keep scenes intact?

Unlike [Matthew Graham’s radio play of] The Stone Tape – which I thought was very good, but was a very different retelling of the story with new characters etc. – I felt we had a slight responsibility to present the play that we cannot experience because the tape was destroyed. In the shadow of Nigel Kneale I am humbly shrouded – I had no desire to go, “And what is Hadoke’s take on Kneale’s work?” This is very much my attempt to bring the brilliance of Nigel Kneale to a current and wide audience.

There are some brilliant lines in there, but by the very nature of radio, there are changes. On telly, if you have someone talking to somebody else for two pages, you can keep cutting back to the other person for their reactions to remind you they’re in the scene. You can’t do that on radio. Some of Charlotte’s notes would be – “Jethro speaks here, he hasn’t spoken since page 32, we need to bring him in beforehand, even if it’s to drop off a drink or cough, or something.”

There were various practical things: when we get to the woods, the cart gets stuck on a knot, and that’s just to bring us into the scene. A lot of that is Charlotte’s producing experience, creating the picture for the listener.

The big thing that we brought in to it was because the scenes were quite long – which they can be on television, and certainly could be on television in 1963. For this we needed all the stuff in the woods between Big Jeff and Lukey. In the teleplay it starts off with them setting up and then they bugger off pretty quickly. In this, the stuff with Big Jeff and Lukey and Tetsy that we keep cutting back to is largely mine, setting up the ghost story and having more of the history of the haunting cut with the philosophical discourse. It was felt that we needed to have a bit more toing and froing and to get in the wood location, where the climax takes place, quite a lot earlier. Most of the stuff between those characters, and the stuff about the bones, was all new just to have a bit of a mystery around the haunting.

I had fewer characters at my disposal so I had to roll a couple into one. In the original there’s a character called Sam, played by Rodney Bewes, who is Tetsy’s sweetheart and they’re in the woods. I think it was Charlotte’s idea we roll them into one, and Sam’s the dog now!  And it gives Tetsy a bigger role now.

There was a whole big team of guys helping the Squire and in my first draft I’d written lots of grunts, and cries of “You up there!” We just pared that down to Big Jeff and Lukey who do all the factotuming, because a big load of extras grunting is great on television to fill the picture but on radio it’s not particularly helpful.

In terms of the characters and the main thrusts of their arguments, the dialogue has been tweaked here and there, but large chunks are 100% Kneale. It was already great, so why mess with it?

How involved with the casting were you?

This is the great relationship I have with Charlotte – she knows I’m an acting geek. I didn’t know you could do this until we first did a play together; she said, “Who do you think?” and I suggested a few names… and they were all in it!

We were originally going to do this in Manchester and we were going to use all local actors for the supporting parts, which I’m passionate about because I think the BBC should use more local actors when they’re recording in a place. But because we’d got Mark Gatiss it looked like we’d have to do it in London, and if we were going to be in London, and it’s only a day [recording], we decided to aim high!

We batted a few ideas back and forth. I suggested Hattie Morahan straightaway just because 1) she’s a brilliant radio actress and 2) her dad directed the original which again I thought was a beautiful tie in to the past. Charlotte knew Hattie because she’d done loads of radio. I hadn’t known their connection. Hattie was a yes pretty quickly.

Mark I mentioned was a fan in the pitch – but I didn’t ask him if he’d be in it until we got the go ahead. He was definitely the first person to be contacted, before I’d written the script but after the commission. It then depended on his availability. We were on standby for quite a while – you can’t cast until you’ve got a date – but then we got a date finally from Mark and we moved pretty quickly.

Knowing we had Mark early on we knew would bring people to it – audience-wise and cast-wise. Actors know they’re going to be in a production that people are going to want to take some notice of and if it’s got the nod from somebody who can pick and choose their work, that helps.

I wasn’t 100% certain Mark would want to do it, because he tried to remake it and wasn’t successful so I thought he might be pissed off that somebody else had. He’d also done a readthrough of it on stage a few years ago, so maybe he’d played the part and got it out of his system. He’s always been very nice to me when I met him, so the approach wasn’t totally out of the blue and I thought he wouldn’t tell me to piss off, he would let me down gently. That’s the fear when you get in touch [with actors] out of the blue: you don’t want them to be rude to you, but I knew from my limited experience that Mark wouldn’t be mean, so I went for it.

Francis Magee is a brilliant actor and an old mate of mine and I wanted to give him a job – not that he needs one! He never stops working! I love him to death and I could just imagine him as Lukey so I suggested him.

I worked with Colin McFarlane years and years ago; he’s got a brilliant voice. I suggested him.

We had a few names in the frame for Big Jeff and then Emily, the production assistant, suggested Ralph Ineson because she always wanted to work with him. I said, “Go on offer it to him. It’s a little role at the bottom of the credits, he’s not going to go for it…” and he said yes. I wasn’t going to argue with that – he’s got the perfect voice for a tall Northern man.

Tetsy was quite hard to cast – Susan Wokoma was the only part I didn’t cast. I’d not worked with her before but she’s very much of the moment and brought a very different energy to it. She was Charlotte’s suggestion.

Then Adrian Scarborough – we had loads of ideas for Sir Timothy and there was an actor in the frame who couldn’t do it. It’s a potentially very boring part because he’s slightly stiff and credulous. I needed somebody who was able to bring a slightly different energy to it. I thought of Adrian whose work I’d always liked – I’ve seen him on stage a lot. He’s an interesting left field idea so I suggested him and Charlotte went, “ooh let’s try him”. I thought he’d be good but he’s even better than I thought. It’s a tricky part and he’s made it really sing. I’m  really happy with what he did with it.

Has this whetted your appetite for more Kneale adaptations?

It’s really helped me with my Quatermass book because [Nigel Kneale’s widow] Judith Kerr came to the recording. I’d been trying to get in touch with her to talk about the Quatermass book, but I’d never been able to get past the agent. She came to the recording of The Road, she was delightful, I chanced my arm and said I’m doing a book on Quatermass. I took her for dinner, and she took me round to the house. She’s got the Thing from The Quatermass Experiment out of a plastic bag in the corner of the office; she took me up to Nigel’s office where there’s a Martian sitting in the corner and gave me access to stuff I had no idea existed.

[Added October 29] Have you been pleased with the play’s reception?

I’m staggered – the response had been amazing. I mean, I knew there’d be a small coterie of people like me who would be keen on it (but then they might have hated it because it’s not 100% the original, so even they were a worry!) but the response has been huge. We trended on Twitter! And loads of people who knew nothing about the play before have got in touch to say how great it was an how floored they were by the ending. Someone even Tweeted to say it’s got his 11 year old son into radio drama which has made me overjoyed!

And then last night I got an email from Judith Kerr saying how much she enjoyed it and that “Tom would have loved it.” I’m not afraid to say that got me a bit emotional. So job done. It’s been a totally thrilling experience from start to finish and I’m very lucky to have had this opportunity.

The Road is available to listen on iPlayer. Read our review here

The first, spoiler-free, part of this interview explains how Toby came to adapt The Road

Photos from the recording (c) Toby Hadoke and used with kind permission.

[elleberquist6]

Play Upon Me Like This Piano - chapter five

Summary: In many ways, Phil’s life is perfect: he loves his life in London, he has a wonderful brother and parents, and he has a great job as a radio DJ for BBC Radio One. There’s only one thing missing in his life… A rumor reaches an executive at the BBC about a talented local piano player named Daniel. The executive decides that Daniel would be the perfect guest on Phil’s radio show, so she send Phil to speak with the evasive and mysterious piano player.

When they finally meet, Phil starts to think that he has found the person who will make his life complete. Unfortunately, Dan has a secret that will make getting close to him difficult.

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 2599

Warnings: Smut

—

Siren fact: In the wine-dark expanse of the Aegean Sea, far from the halls of civilization, there was once a small island—or so Homer, the famed poet of Ancient Greece, wrote in his epic The Odyssey. No buildings occupied its flowery meadows; no fisherman worked its shores. Those who passed in their black ships heard only voices, twining over the windless waves, singing a song that promised knowledge of all things. Once they heard it, they were enchanted; they had no choice but to land and seek out the singers. Those who did never left the island; their bodies remained, rotting amid the flowers, for none who heard the Sirens' song could escape it. [https://www.audubon.org/news/sirens-greek-myth-were-bird-women-not-mermaids]

As Dan led Phil to his bedroom, his hands shook with nervous energy. It had been years since he felt this level of excitement in anticipation of that they were about to do. Why did this man make him feel like an inexperienced teenager all of the sudden? Why had it been so long since the idea of sex made him feel this overjoyed? He didn’t understand what it was about Phil, but he liked it.

When they walked through the door and Dan turned on the light switch, Phil’s eyes flicked over the room. Dan had decorated in a monochromatic grayscale theme, and he hoped Phil liked it. He didn’t say anything though as they both sat on the bed. They didn’t know each other well yet and it seemed like things had become awkward again on the walk from the kitchen.

Dan didn’t want it to be awkward. For a brief moment, Dan opened his mouth as he thought about saying something in his siren voice to relax Phil. But no, he closed his mouth as he realized that he didn’t have to use his voice. It seemed like Phil relaxed whenever they kissed. He leaned in to brush their lips together, and he felt Phil melt against him as his tense muscles relaxed. Dan relaxed too as he placed his hands on Phil’s broad shoulders.

Phil started exploring Dan’s body as he slipped his hands under the hem of Dan’s t-shirt, making him shiver. Phil’s fingertips stopped moving on the sensitive skin over Dan’s ribs as he leaned back to look at his face. He asked, “Are you okay? Is this good?”

“Yes,” Dan said, and his lips were still tingling from the kiss. “Your hands feel nice. They’re soft. But would you like me to take off my shirt?”

Phil nodded enthusiastically and his mouth dropped opened slightly at the sight of the skin that was revealed as Dan tossed his t-shirt onto the floor. After a moment, he raised a hand between them, seeming unsure if it was okay to touch Dan and where he wanted to start. But then he moved the hand to the buttons of his own shirt and asked, “Would you like me to take off my shirt, too?”

“Please,” Dan requested with a smile. He watched as Phil unbuttoned his shirt, displaying pale skin flecked with moles, and Dan was taken by a sudden desire at the sight. They were still both a bit nervous, so he hoped that he didn’t alarm Phil as he leaned in and placed a kiss on a mole near Phil’s shoulder. Phil shivered under his lips, so Dan didn’t stop as he started sucking a mark into Phil’s pale skin.

“Oh my gosh, your mouth,” Phil moaned.

Dan couldn’t stop from chuckling, but he kept his lips latched on, hoping that the vibrations and breath ghosting across his skin just added to the good sensations. He placed a few more kisses on Phil’s mole before pulling away with a smirk. As he stared into Phil’s ocean eyes, he said in a husky voice, “You haven’t even seen the most incredible thing I can do with my mouth yet.”

Phil swallowed heavily, so loud that Dan could hear it. Then he asked, “And what would that be?”

Dan opened his mouth as wide as he could – which was pretty wide – and then he inserted his fist into his mouth. As he fit his whole fist easily inside, the corners of his lips twitched in what would have been a smile if his mouth weren’t so full because Phil was gaping at him.

It took Phil a couple seconds, but he shook off the shock of what he was seeing, and his eyes glinted with amusement. He said with a smirk, “That is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Dan laughed as he removed his fist from his mouth, but he was taken off guard when Phil leaned in to kiss him. He placed a hand on Phil’s bare chest to stop him from deepening the kiss. “Ngh, Phil,” he complained as he quickly used the back of his hand to wipe some excess saliva from the corner of his mouth. “Putting my fist in my mouth like that made me slobber a bit. Don’t want to get spit all over you.”

“I don’t care,” Phil insisted as he reconnected their lips, and he was an amazing kisser, so Dan quickly forgot his worries about the kiss being too wet. Dan exhaled sharply in surprise when Phil pushed him so that he was lying flat on his back in the bed. Phil crawled on top of him and then propped himself up on his elbows so that he could look at Dan’s face as he asked, “Is this okay?”

It took Dan a moment to be able to respond because his breathing was ragged and his heart was racing, but then he nodded. “More than okay. I don’t want you to stop.”

“Oh, good,” Phil said, as his gaze shifted from Dan’s face to his bare chest. “Because I want to kiss you all over.”

Dan was expecting it after where Phil had looked at him, but he still gasped at the feeling when lips connected with his right nipple. Phil started by placing a few soft kisses there while his hand rose to give Dan’s other side some attention, circling the areola with soft fingertips. Then he sucked the nipple into his mouth, running his tongue across the bud while his fingers rubbed over the other.

The sensation made Dan squirm under the attention. They were both still wearing their jeans, but the friction was just making him harder as he writhed while pinned beneath Phil. When Phil pulled his lips off the bud that had hardened in his mouth, Dan thought that he was going to finally remove their jeans, but he just moved to the left side and started again, making Dan gasp in surprise. He had been making soft pleasured noises the whole time, but as he saw Phil’s hand gliding over his sensitive, spit-soaked right nipple, he started moaning loudly. Dan started shifting his body under Phil’s weight, moving his hips rhythmically to rub the fabric of their jeans together. It seemed like Phil had wanted to take his time, but Dan wanted this so badly that it was starting to hurt, so he was doing everything he could to encourage Phil to get on with it. Just when he was starting to worry that Phil was going to make him beg, Phil released the hard bud from his mouth and stared up at him with wide blue eyes. He looked worried. Dan’s voice was a bit raspy from moaning as he asked, “What’s wrong?”

“I didn’t bring anything with me,” Phil said. “I don’t have condoms or lube. Do you have any? If not we could do something else, but I was hoping…”

Dan grinned. “I have everything we need in my bedside drawer. Why? What were you hoping? Tell me what you want to do to me, Phil.”

Phil’s cheeks flushed, but he said, “Could I have you, Dan? I want you.”

“Hmm, then I think I should get out of these jeans,” Dan said as his grin widened.

They kicked off their jeans when Phil rolled off, leaving them both in their pants. Phil rested a hand on Dan’s stomach, fingertips playing with the waistband of Dan’s pants. He bit his lip as he hesitated before saying, “I only just met you. It feels odd to take the pants off of someone who I only started talking to tonight. I’ve never done this before, not this fast.”

Dan had moved fast with people before and it had never bothered him, but Phil felt different for some reason, so he understood. He offered, “We don’t have to. We can do this later, once we know each other a bit better. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Phil gave a breathy laugh as he touched Dan’s cheek softly. “I am comfortable with you. Absurdly so. I want to keep going.”

It made him a bit uncertain to hear Phil say that he was absurdly comfortable with him – was that the lingering effect of the siren song? Was none of this real? But Dan didn’t want to think about that now, so he pushed the thought from his mind as Phil removed Dan’s boxer-briefs and then his own.

As Dan was casting quick glances between their bodies, Phil was looking at Dan’s nightstand. He asked, “Did you say that you keep your lube and condoms in there?”

“Um, yes,” Dan said, tearing his gaze from Phil’s hardening erection to see him reaching into the bedside drawer for a condom and bottle of lube. As it took Phil a few fumbling attempts to get the bottle open, Dan stared curiously at his hands. Was he just naturally clumsy? Or did this moment also make Phil feel like a nervous teenager? Dan found either possibility cute, so he smiled reassuringly as he asked, “How would you like me? What would you like me to do?”

Phil’s tense shoulders relaxed as he returned Dan’s smile. “How about if I sit up and you crawl into my lap? Would that work?”

“Mmmh, sounds nice,” Dan sighed at the thought; he was already so into this, and they hadn’t started yet. He waited as Phil crawled off of him and then sat up. Then Dan braced himself on Phil’s shoulders before straddling his thighs. As Phil reached behind him to press a lube-coated finger into Dan’s body, Dan saw how carefully Phil was watching his face for signs of discomfort.

Dan found himself returning Phil’s intent gaze, having trouble believing that Phil was real. The first time he saw Phil, he had wondered what it would be like to have those eyes on his face. Now Dan knew, and it was better than he could have imagined as he saw the ocean eyes full of care, tenderness, and desire. And Phil’s hands, too… he hadn’t bothered to think about Phil’s hands before, but they were so soft and gentle as he worked a second finger into Dan’s body. It made Dan wonder what Phil’s cock would feel like inside him.

“Phil,” Dan groaned. “Need you. Please, I’m ready.”

“You sure?” Phil asked, as he continued moving his fingers in and out of Dan for a moment. When Dan nodded, Phil removed them. Then he rolled the condom onto his length and slicked himself with lube. “Okay, come here.”

As Dan steadied himself by gripping Phil’s shoulders, Phil held Dan’s hips, lifting him up until he was over his waiting cock. He allowed Dan to set the pace as he lowered himself slowly onto Phil, and the feeling of it made his mouth fall open. The image seemed to be too appealing for Phil, who leaned in for a kiss. Dan was motionless for a moment, his brain short-circuiting from the stimulation he felt below, so it took him a few seconds to realize that he was being kissed. Then he blinked a couple times, sucked in a breath, and moved his lips against Phil’s. He continued lowering himself until Phil’s cock was completely inside his body, but Phil was large and he didn’t feel ready to move yet. Neither of them seemed to mind though as they enjoyed each other’s mouths for a moment.

Then Dan started to shift his hips. He wasn’t lifting himself up and down on Phil’s cock yet, just rocking softly as he enjoyed the sensation of feeling full. He sighed against Phil’s lips, “Mmmh, you feel so nice.”

“You too,” Phil whispered between kisses. “So warm.”

Then Phil started running his hand up and down Dan’s sides, making the skin tingle as he explored, and Dan sighed again as he rested his face in the crook of Phil’s neck. He inhaled, and noticed how good Phil smelled – was everything about this man perfect?

Phil’s hands settled on Dan’s hips, which he held in a firm but gentle grasp. “Dan, could we move to a different position?”

“Sure, did you want me to get off your lap?” Dan offered, as he stopped shifting his hips.

“No, stay, I’m just going to…” Phil started to say before he gripped Dan’s hips tighter. Then he moved forward, pushing them back against the pillows. He didn’t pull out of Dan’s body, and the changed in positions drove him deeper into him.

Dan grunted loudly as he saw stars.

“Did I hurt you?” Phil asked as he ran a soft hand across Dan’s cheek.

“No,” Dan said in a breathy voice. He felt Phil shift uncertainly on top of him and he gripped Phil’s hips with his thighs to stop him from pulling out. “Phil, there. Stay there.”

“Oh?” Phil chuckled as he finally understood, and he positioned himself to make sure that he continued to hit that spot as he began thrusting in and out of Dan, slowly at first until he started pounding with a steady rhythm.

As Dan gripped the sheets in his fists, his mouth dropped open, letting out an incessant stream of moans – he couldn’t help it, since Phil was hitting his prostate just right. His cock had been leaking for a while, though neither of them was touching it. He usually needed stimulation there to finish, so he wasn’t expecting anything to happen, despite the fact that he felt heat pooling in his belly and a tingling sensation running up his spine. Then his orgasm hit him so hard that it knocked the breath out of his chest.

His body tightened around Phil, making Phil groan as he thrust hard once more. When he became very still, Dan realized that Phil was coming, so he held him close. Phil rested his face on Dan’s shoulder while Dan stroked his black hair. They stayed liked that for a moment, both breathing heavily as they came down from their highs.

Then Phil placed a soft kiss on Dan’s shoulder before slipping out of his body. He removed the condom from his soft cock before tossing it in the trash. When he rolled back to Dan, he had an odd expression on his face and he was holding himself stiffly. Dan’s voice was rough from moaning, but he asked, “What’s wrong?”

Phil shook his head. He tried to smile, but it didn’t sit well on his face and his brows were furrowed with worry. “Um… nothing is really wrong. It’s just… this isn’t something I normally do. Go home with someone from a bar. So, I don’t know what you expect of me now. Dan, do you want me to leave?”

Dan snorted. “Fuck, no.” He held his arms open in invitation. “Come here.”

[herbalzee]

Get to know me tag!!!

Five Things You’ll Find In My Bag

   1. headphones (always!)    2. at least 50 hair ties    3. a full bottle of perfume    4. free pens from like everywhere    5. lots of tissues lmao

Five Things In My Bedroom:

a fish tank! i love my lil fishies

shoe cabinet

a Moriarty (from Sherlock BBC) calendar of him saying “Miss me?”. I love it

a small yellow chair!  

a color-coordinated bookshelf!!!

Five Things I’ve Always Wanted To Do In My Life:

learn sign language!

travel all over europe

write my own book

become a therapist

have kids!! and pets!!!

Five Things That Make Me Happy:

hanging with friends!!

listening to music, podcasts and ASMR

watching movies

doing artistic things?? idek what that means but like i love going to operas and theaters and taking aesthetic pictures and being creative, shit like that

talking, ranting, expressing my opinions comfortably, theorizing, brainstorming

Five Things On My To-Do List:

read books

hang with friends

write short stories- or write in general lmao

travel!!!

prepare for uni... i need to seriously do that

Five Things People May Not Know About Me:

i am passionate about psychology

i had an obsession with piercings and tattoos when i was younger

i had the yellow belt in karate when i was in practice

im very old school about silly things yet quite liberal about the serious stuff

im basically in love with malmo, sweden

Name?: zaina

Nicknames?: zee

Zodiac?: sagittarius

Sexual Orientation?: straight

Ethnicity?: middle eastern/ north african

Favorite Fruit?: mango!!!!

Favorite Season?: winter

Favorite Flower?: after a quick flower research, i found the soft pink spray roses and the blue hydrangea the most appealing to me

Favorite Scent?: vanilla! cocoa! banana-scented stuff (or generally fruit-scented stuff). old books!!! 

Favorite Animal?: bees!! or just any domesticated animals honestly (that can be kept at homes or farms)

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate?: tea

Cat or dog?: dogs

Dream Trip?: a boat travelling all around western europe!!!

Number of Followers?: i dont really care about this stuff

What do I post about?: any posts containing message worth-spreading, funny content or aesthetically-pleasing stuff..

Do I get asks on a regular basis?: nope! so famous that i had to close my ask box 

Favorite Band?: twentyone pilots, little mix, imagine dragons, coldplay, hey violet, abba (almost forgot them omg)

Aesthetic?: cinematography, animals and nature, books and libraries, literally anything vintage, multicultures, feminism and femininity. i cant think of other stuff but im majorly into art

Fictional Character I’d Date?: john bender from the breakfast club!!!!

Hogwarts House?: ravenclaw

Rules: BOLD the statements that are true for you!

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller

I wear glasses

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes

I have short hair

My abs are at least somewhat defined

I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people I know well

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing well

I can play an instrument

I can do over 30 pushups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well

I have a good memory

I’m good at doing math in my head

I can hold my breath underwater for under a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing

FANDOMS ARE MY #1 PASSION

I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss

I have had alcohol

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS:

I’m in a relationship

I have a crush on a celebrity

I have a crush on someone I know

I have been in at least 3 relationships

I have never been in a relationship

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them

I get crushes easily

I have had a crush on someone for over a year

I have been in a relationship for at least a year

I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”

I live close at my school

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling

I live in the united states

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend in the past month

I have a smartphone

I have at least 15 CD’s

I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced

I know a person named Jamie

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce

I have dyed my hair

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now

I have punched someone in the past week

I know someone who has gone to jail

I have broken a bone

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life

I speak at least 2 languages

I have made a new friend in the past year

Relationship status: single

Favorite color: purple, blue, green

Lipstick or Chapstick: lipstick!!

Last song I listened to: hard times by paramore

Last movie I watched: The Boss Baby

Top three TV shows:

(btw these three tv shows are the only shows ive ever watched and actually finished lmao)

BBC Sherlock

Clique

Yuri! on ice

Top three characters:

These are the ones that came to mind first, not top favorites

Sherlock (Sherlock BBC)

Todd Anderson (Dead poets society)

Savannah Karlsen (Girl, interrupted)

rules: copy/paste and replace my answers with yours and tag people :^)

a - age: 17 
b - biggest fear: my actual biggest fear is too personal so im gonna say my second biggest fear: not achieving anything valuable in my life  
c - current time: 3 am lmao 
d - drink you last had: a peach detox lmao 
e - every day starts with: checking phone  f - favorite song: of all time or currently? ive never had an all time favorite but right now my favorite song is hard times by paramore (mainly the chorus bc its awesome) 
g - ghosts, are they real: only the ones in our heads 
h - hometown: a.d. 
i - in love with: psychology 
j - jealous of: productive people 
k - killed someone: ... 
l - last time you cried: literally yesterday..  m - middle name: dont have one  
n - number of siblings: eins (one) 
o - one wish: to be satisfied with who i am and what i have p - person you last called/texted: im talking to my friend on the phone right now as im doing this.. shes the one who so kindly guided me to these fun questions q - questions you’re always asked: “why are you so quiet?” “what major are you getting into and at which university?”  
r - reasons to smile: youre very much well and alive!!

s - song last sang: i was having a fetus 1d songs marathon at like 2 am the other day so... definitely the entire up all night album

t - time you woke up: these days.. 12 pm, bc im tired and its my holiday 
u - underwear color: ohhhh boi v - vacation destination: anywhere cold filled with warm people 
w - worst habit: procrastination 
x - x-rays you’ve had: the most recent one i remember is a chest x ray y - your favorite food: pasta 
z - zodiac sign: sagittarius

post a screenshot of my lock screen, home screen, and last song played

RULES: Choose any three fandoms (in random order) and answer the questions. Then tag some friends.

I choose:

bbc sherlock

clique

yuri! on ice

The first character you loved:

ohhh, first was sherlock! then john almost 0.001 secs later

im pretty sure it was elizabeth. shes the cutest and i relate to her the most

probably Minako Okukawa, because shes so charming and funny

The character you never expected to love so much:

mrs hudson!!!!

louise!!! shes so smart and gorgeous and the least involved in the drama

yurio!!! i used to dislike him lmao but now hes my son

The character you relate to most:

molly hooper

like i said above, elizabeth!

ohh definitely yuri

The character you’d slap

john because sherlock suffered sooo much for him and opened his heart only to be abandoned because john is a naive idiot who still cant tell sherlock’s NOT a sociopath

SO MANY bc almost all of them did shitty things.. but the ones id slap right on sight are Alistair and the Steiner dude

ohmygod no, theyre all pure!! probably yurio bc that kid needs to love himself (but id immediately hug him right after)

Three favorite characters (these are in order of preference):

sherlock & john (one answer), mrs hudson, WIGGINS

holly, rachel, and fay (elizabeth and jude too)

the obvious trio: yuri, victor and yurio

A character you liked at first but not so much anymore:

mary lmao

alistair. i was a little suspicious of him but i liked him at the beginning bc he was cute and innocent. i HATE him now obviously

i love them all.. theres not a single one i dislike

A character you did not like at first, but they’ve grown on you:

ahahah mycroft

 uh georgia

christopher and JJ (but now i love them both so much)

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Hello.

I’m here again with another blog award tag in the form of the Sunshine Blogger Award. I’ve seen this going around the blogging community for a while now (I’ve even done it before on the blog some point last year) and it’s always really nice to see everyone supporting each other in their multiple endeavours. I was recently nominated by Heidi at This Is My Book Blog, and Kate at Reading Through Infinity. I say recently but when it comes to me and my blogging scheduling, it would have been a couple of months ago.

Better late than never I suppose.

I’m going to do both sets of questions so this post will be incredibly long. Grab a mug of tea, coffee, or whatever beverage you so desire, some comfort snacks, find a comfy chair, and sit back and enjoy the ride!

The Rules: 

Thank the person who nominated you in a blog post and link back to their blog.

Answer the 11 questions sent by the person who nominated you.

Nominate 11 new blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions.

List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post and/or on your blog.

Heidi’s Questions:

1. What’s your most recent 5 star read?

Good job I had my reading journal to hand when writing up this post! According to that, my most recent 5 star read was A Trail Through Time (book 4 in the Chronicles of St Mary’s Series) by Jodi Taylor, although its sequel No Time Like The Past came very close to being 5 stars too. If you haven’t twigged by now, I adore this series of time-travelling historians and Jodi Taylor is constantly winding in twists I do not see coming!

2. Tell me about a book you loved, which was outside of your comfort zone (for example a genre you don’t usually pick up). 

Oh gosh, I’m getting stumped already. Umm, I suppose the only book I can think of is Stephen McGann’s, Flesh and Blood: A History of My Family in Seven Maladies. It’s like a autobiography on the subjects of genealogy, medicine and its deep-rooted connections to humanity. I don’t often read autobiographies as I find it’s simply fuel for the celebrity authors’ egos, but I decided differently here because I do like Stephen McGann and his scholarly interests besides acting. What struck me the most was how he managed to write about medicine and genealogy without losing any heart in the process. I found it really moving and it has influenced me to possibly start looking into a little bit of my own genealogy.

3. What’s a series which showed a promising start, but let you down in the end? It can be one you finished, or one you gave up on. 

I’m only recognising this now having re-read it back in December, but I would say The Grisha Trilogy by Leigh Bardugo. I did finish the trilogy and I feel let down by the main characters and their choices. To me, the relationship feels incredibly wrong and the ending felt like a regression, especially for Alina. I’ve definitely come to the conclusion that I don’t like it as much as I used to.

4. Tell me about an underrated book. 

Okay, so one book I can think of is The Improbability of Love by Hannah Rothschild. It was advertised quite a bit in the UK a few years ago due to its nomination for the Bailey’s Women’s Prize for Fiction but then it seemed to drop off the radar, and I’ve not heard anyone talk about it since. I think that’s a huge shame because it is a surprisingly good Adult fiction book about a slow-burning romance and the history behind a very valuable painting. It is also interesting to dive into the art world and see some of the history behind certain paintings because it isn’t a setting or perspective we really read from. I suppose one book it does remind me of is The Muse by Jessie Burton, another book that doesn’t seem to have the same hype as it did on its first release.

5. What authors/books did you love as a child?

These are just a short selection and a combination of both books and authors. If I said them all, we’d be here all day!

6. Have you always had a love of reading? If not, when did it begin?

As you can probably tell from all those books above, I’ve always loved reading! Like languages, it was instilled in me from an early age, and again by my grandmother. She taught me to read before I went into nursery and after that, I never went a week without finishing a couple of books.

7. What’s a tv series and/or film you recently loved?

I’ve not really watched any new films or tv series, but I loved series 7 of BBC’s Call the Midwife even if the last two episodes left me in tears and reminded me of harrowing childhood memories.

8. Do you ever read a book and have an actor firmly in mind to play one of the characters? If so, can you give an example. 

No, not really. I know this is not in the same vein as the question but whenever I do re-read Pride and Prejudice, I hear all the dialogue in the my head spoken by the cast of BBC’s 1995 adaptation, i.e. Alison Steadman with Mrs Bennet, Colin Firth with Darcy, Emilia Fox with Georgiana Darcy etc. I think because I’ve read and watched that adaptation so many times, my brain merges the two together.

9. Describe the plot of your last read in one sentence. 

Damn. Erm…

Travelling through time has never before looked so fiery, ghost-like and life-changing.

10. If there a person from history you’d like to read a fictional novel about?

Oh my word, so many choices! Nonetheless, Florence Nightingale, any of Henry VIII’s 6 wives instantly come to mind.

11. Are there any books you loved when you first read them, but think would not like if you read them for the first time today. 

I don’t know if I’d be a little hesitant towards the Divergent trilogy by Veronica Roth. I’d never read any dystopian novels before reading this for the first time a few years ago and so for me this trilogy set a benchmark for future dystopians and YA trilogies in general. I definitely know I’d be going into it aware of its flaws and any negative reviews.

Kate’s Questions:

1. If you could spend a day hanging out with one author who would it be?

Damn, Kate, why did you have to start off with such a hard question? Although I would probably choose someone like VE Schwab or Samantha Shannon.

2. If you use libraries, what’s your favourite thing about them?

I love how relaxed they make me feel. No matter how I’ve been feeling up until the moment I walk in, I instantly become calm and more amiable. Also, I love that they can be such a great community hub. My village library has become such a place since we managed to save it from closure and it is fabulous.

3. You can bring any meal or item of food from a book to life. What do you choose?

Oh gosh, I’ve no idea. Probably one of the Hogwarts’ feasts.

4. What was the last bookish event you went to?

At the time this post goes live, that would have been the Northern YA Lit Book Festival in Preston, the first I’ve actually ever gone to.

5. What’s one thing you’d like to change about the book community?

Whilst I know it has its moments and online drama, I don’t think I’d want to change anything.

6. If you could have one book adapted into a Netflix series and it was GUARANTEED to be great, which would it be?

A Darker Shade of Magic.

7. What’s the most misleading blurb you’ve ever read?

I don’t think I’ve come across one yet. I do sometimes say I was misled with The Queen of the Tearling by Erika Johansen but I think that was more my own expectation of the book than the actual blurb.

8. Paperback or ebook?

Both. I do personally prefer to read paperbacks but ebooks are a blessing when I want to read books with smaller fonts.

9. What’s your favourite series of book covers?

I don’t think I can choose a favourite but I love these:

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10. Is there a genre you want to read more of this year?

I want to try to read more modern classics.

11. What’s one of the unexpected pleasures of being a blogger?

Oh, what a great question. I suppose everything that comes with the blogging territory is an unexpected pleasure for me. I love it more than I initially thought I would and it has opened up a community that I can truly feel at home in.  

Wow, they were some pretty great and tough questions!

Now to choose my own. Urgh.

I’m going to cheat a little and say, chose 11 of the 22 questions I’ve answered here. My yet again sleep-deprived brain cannot think today.

I also don’t know who to tag who hasn’t already been nominated.

I’m not picking 11 but I’ll go with:

Emma at Emma Reads Too Much Layla at Readable Life Mikaela at Journey Into Books Ash and Lo at Windowsill Books

As this post is long enough, I will leave it there.

Thanks for reading and have a brazzle dazzle day! xx

The Sunshine Blogger Award X 2 Hello. I'm here again with another blog award tag in the form of the Sunshine Blogger Award.