#bc i have my finals next week and a thesis to finish

[linusbenjamin]

Lost 4.10 | Something Nice Back Home

[loving-jack-kelly]

i have 5 final projects due in the next two weeks and three of them are due on the same day lmao. lmao. lmao.

[hydn-jpg]

HELLO!!!

i am back!! sorry for dropping off the face of the earth again :'0 i was dealing with mental health stuff but i am okay now. the horrors persist but so do i and all that haha

anyway! i spent the past few months focusing (as much as my adhd allowed me to ,, ) on school and writing my thesis, and also spent some time in canada for my research project!! it was a really nice experience and i met some rly cool people too :D

as of writing this it's been a week since my exams finished and almost a month since i submitted my final thesis so that's great! i really feel like i can finally breathe again haha. i poured my blood, sweat, tears and probably other bodily fluids into it too so i hope everything goes well! (emphasis on blood bc my nose literally started bleeding while i was doing my exam ;; lmao)

it's good to be back! does this mean i will be back to posting art? YES absolutely!!! (will be posting one in a few hours :^) ) i'll need to read the new books and recent chapters to get material to draw more relevant stuff but i do have a few pieces that i drew before/during my hiatus that i'll post in the meantime! i have a lot to catch up on but i'll get there haha (especially id2!! idec if it's bad i just wanna see cas and gabe my beloveds :'0 i couldn't stop thinking abt them lately and i've only been doodling them,, ahhh)

i will be more active from now! i really miss posting and interacting with y'all :'D i have reserve forces training to attend next week but other than that i shouldn't have any other pressing matters so i'll be able to spend more time on tumblr!

to everyone i owe something to, i will send a message soon!! and by soon i mean literally after i post this lol. thank you for all your patience!!

[forabeatofadrum]

El WooWoo Wednesday! Thank you @martsonmars​ and @cutestkilla​ for the tags.

I am still waiting for my thesis advisor to give me feedback. I was hoping on working on my thesis, but alas. The lack of feedback did give me more time to write fanfic and I finally made progress on Ljubim te and I even updated it!

Have some more stuff:

All of this also takes his mind off Kurt. He’s too distracted by showing Quinn around.

Quinn does ask about Kurt every now and then, though. She’s wondering when she’ll meet him. She’s heard a lot about Kurt for weeks, so of course she’s eager to get to know him. Blaine just lies and says that Kurt is busy but that they will definitely see him.

Blaine hopes that the longer he holds it off, the less interested Quinn is. If she thinks it’s weird that Blaine seems to be avoiding Kurt, then she doesn’t mention it.

I don’t know when I will finish the next chapters, but hey, it’s better than nothing!

And now, the weather: @quizasvivamos​ @blurglesmurfklaine​ @coffeegleek​ @esperantoauthor​ @otherworldsivelivedin​ @caramelcoffeeaddict​ @sillyunicorn​ @bazzybelle​ @dragoneggos​ @raenestee​ @tectonicduck​ @nightimedreamersworld​ @urban-sith​ @thnxforknowingme​ @captain-aralias​ @you-remind-me-of-the-babe​ @takitalks​ @justgleekout​ @cerriddwenluna​ @tea-brigade​ @ivelovedhimthroughworse​ @moodandmist​ @whogaveyoupermission​ @bookish-bogwitch​ @confused-bi-queer​ @aroace-genderfluid-sheep​ @ionlydrinkhotwater​ @1908jmd​ @special-bc-ur-part-of-it​ @larkral​ @chen-chen-chen-again-chen​​ @nausikaaa​​/@wellbelesbian​​ @artsyunderstudy​​ @facewithoutheart​​ @shrekgogurt​ @boyinjeans​ @rockitmans​ @bitbybitwrites​ @blackberrysummerblog​ @whatevertheweather​

[webslingingslasher]

hiii🥹 i saw my nerdy!peter request btw i loved it he's so adorable thank you sm!!🩷

i've been gone a while bc i was Busy with finals but guess what!! i finished everything a week early so i have an extra week for term break 😌 slayed. im also going to the beach next week and the week after that im excited!!!

but also!! guess who went to bars 2x this week!! me!! which is something i Rarely ever do LMAO but yeah ive been hanging out with my new friends from my new org and ive been so happy!! 💞 we had a 3-day shoot for something we're abt to launch and when we finished we went out to drink near our college to celebrate, it was crazyyy

we played games n one of them were fuck marry kill and a guy said he'd fuck me JXJCJHX ???? 😭😭 i reacted so badly LIKE in a funny way, i cursed in my local language (same vibe as saying "bitch??🤨") and everyone laughed even the guy who said it loll im still giggling abt it bc it happened so fast, like i reacted so fast it was like a reflex😭 you shouldve seen my face kfkcncjdjd but i kinda feel bad bc i think he actually has a crush on me ? bc ive been picking up on how he acts around me lately.. srry brother ur not my type and im not exactly open to dating rn 🙁 but dw it didnt make me uncomfy, everyone took turns including me LOL and there were A Lot of us that night, 15 i think?? haha then some of them also walked me back home since their dorms were on the way. it was my first time walking around the area at night (the place is highkey sketchy) but it was fun👍

and then tonight/today we went out again to drink, just to celebrate the end of the term and i had soo much fun like i didnt drink much but the ppl around me are just rly fun to be with :) we were out from 8pm and i got home at 4am..🥹 it's my first time coming home that late loll but i had a blast. some of my org mates invited their own friends so i met new ppl and they were rly fun to be with too!! they also gave us a ride back home, we were 7 in the car lmfao but it was so nice, that ride fr made me feel like i was in a movie :︎’)

all of this happened this week it's insane but im very happy 🩷🩷 next week im going to the beach w my family and also the week after that but w my parents friends haha, im rly gonna make the most out of this short break bc im abt to start my thesis next term and i knowww i'll be Stressed🤕 i wont get this time of my life back so im gonna be happy now!!

-🧚🏼‍♀️

HELL YES!!!!!! I TOLD YOU THINGS WOULD START LOOKING UP!!!!

YOU GOT FRIENDS, GUYS THAT WANNA BANG YOU AND THE BEACH????

[nerice]

jjks is so weird in my brain (personal bullshit incoming)

when it aired and i fell into it, i was at the height of my life. getting into digital art, vry specifically doing goretober half a year into my job where i also first injured my wrist. the next half year was absolute insanity hyperfixation the likes of which even i rarely reach, i still have a 1gb+ folder from my twitter ventures. but also by the second half,, too high on the feeling i got my entire friend group into it and it was such a bad experience that it ruined most of the back end for me. reading the manga in japanese kind of salvaged it [mfw i went thru 殺戮人形 knowing nothing but the chara design...] but all the writing it should have sparked fell flat bc i was feeling so awful still. a few months later i quit all art and writing to focus on thesis and mental health diagnoses, also known as 2022 aka the worst year of my life. during which the manga also descended into whatever the fuck culling game is. and now here we are, another year later, three years after the initial fall into [the best time of my life, outside of screenplay and black swan hell eras] finally adapting those most important chapters soon. but nothing feels the same. i cannot draw and barely write bc wrist explosion limping over the finish line of my last two work shifts next week so i can spend months/open ended on physical therapy and recovery. my mental health is the worst it's ever been two years out of [oc brain] that was on a fkcin 15yr streak........ and i am excited ! lowkey i think and hope watching Content get adapted will fix me ! maybe jjks can bookend the worst time of my life and we can neatly file it away and move on...... but after everything i dare not hope. i just desperately want to be able to at least sketch again by the time Those Episodes hit but i could not bear the fallout if that is not the case. i pray they air em before im in japan because if i am around that same friend group,,,,,,,,,, it's all so convoluted and rotten even though it should be the easiest and most exciting thing. :(

if all else fails, at least i still have the elden ring dlc upcoming

[millionsorganel]

2022

(Wrote in 22/12/22)

This year is almost done. 1st January 2022, i dont really picture what to achieve other than completing my never ending assignments and struggle to finish my degree. That time i was so scared, so anxious I couldn’t finish my degree like how i wanted for so long. Time pass by. During semester break in March i have trip to Penang with my friends like how we planned (after a year postponed) spending time with them for 3 days and how short it is compared to when we were in diploma years we met everyday, i miss those moment and realize it will never be the same anymore. I hoped we all achieve our dreams i will always prayed the best for them. I hoped even after 20 years we still there for each other even we no longer in the same path like how we met before. I always blessed with unexpected rezeki. A week after, my aunty offered to join her trip to tioman bcs her friends couldn’t make it. I just payed half of the expenses for the trip and it is one of the best unexpected trip to go. I always grateful for that. In april, i started my final semester, this time there are classes in hybrid and physical. I didnt get college and had to going back and forth bangi shah alam like in March 2020 before covid happens. Of course i never like shah alam before, i always feel i never belonged there. Aby (my friend) offered to stay with her sometimes since she got college and she will be attending more physical class. There are few times i stay with her when im tired to go back. I started getting close to her in 2019 we were housemate and same place for internship. It was four of us, until we entered degree we still close. And when covid happen, i think she is one of friend that I regularly kept in touch and met. Before she was having hard time but recently she getting a job that she really happy with and back near her home, im so happy for her.

My final semester was not the best, i juggling with every emotions, i felt alone, i was trying very hard, going back and forth, seeing everyone travelling, working, having their own money to spend where i still nowhere. It was so hard. Till the very end, i still cannot believe in myself to completing this degree. 5 August 2022, im officially finished and complete my degree. Submitted my final thesis and sitting exam for the last time. I go back home with all heavy burden lifted but i feel overwhelmed at the same time. Next day, i jumped to a roadtrip with my highschool friends, it was fun and best trip because for the first time i dont have to think about my study, my thesis or my assignments. It was one of the best moment in my life. We checked in at a beautiful boutique hotel. It also the first time we met nani’s boyfriend. I think he was shy with us, we rarely make any conversation and i kinda feel bad to joined their date. But i can see they clearly loves each other, i prayed the best for them!!!! Our on the way back was all fun until we almost arrive home.. we had a small accident. a bit traumatised bcs involve big lorry and it was at the highway and things could go really bad if we are not lucky. We made police report and all those things and arrived home safely. Back from the trip, i am officially unemployed and yes i have been job hunting ever since. It was up and down moment for me seeing my friends landing their first job only after a month graduate. I try to think positive it not yet my rezeki, my time will come soon. Idk i just hope i landed my first job this year but now less than 10 days to 2023, im not getting any job offer yet. During this 4 months of unemployed and job hunting, i try to rediscover myself, i wanted to be better, i wanted to change bad habits. Slowly but surely. I hoped i become better next year. I also going to few places that was not in plan. I went to perak with my family, trip to singapore with my parent as birthday trip and went to genting with my cousin. Im trying to enjoyed those moment that i will maybe no longer can do it after i landed a job. Deep inside i know Allah has planned something bigger for me that i have been waited patiently. But as human, theres a time i questioning why im still jobless, why im still like this, why im not like others. Having 9-5 job (they hated) but had that adult money to spend. Maybe it just because of money, i know i have to trust Allah in this but i still have to do something right?

I know i have to start somewhere but I couldn’t find where to begin. Idk if im not meant to be an engineer or it just not my time yet? Im scared i will become a failure to my family. I am a burden now, i wanted to help my family financial crisis. But im lowkey scared to start randomly. I hoped i have the courage to start again.

22 December 2022, 11.19 pm

[imnotgoinganywhereok]

I must’ve been too happy in the last week bc I’m not doing so well now. Both my brother and my parents crashed their cars in two separate accidents, and my parents now don’t have a vehicle they need to work. That sucks. My semester is ending this Friday and I’m kinda bummed about everything. Knowing that I’ll defend my thesis in the first days of July makes me sick a lil, not gonna lie.

In the Sims world, however, all is well! Wren and Ariel are enjoying their last days as children shortly after finishing their aspirations. I had fun, it’s been all well but it’s time to move on now. In the meantime, Deryn took part in more Finchwick Fairs - and I absolutely loved them! My favourite so far is the garden one (with pie and garden competitions), and I’ll try to take part in other ones in the future generations! Wren will be our heiress and I planned for her to own chickens. Everything else was kind of slow, at least at the time I was playing (so a few months ago). I simply enjoyed the domestic life in - finally - an apartment. I also realised I’ve never posted a good close-up picture of Coco Jumbo so there she is, playing with her toy! I love how after time the toys look worn out - a nice detail!

And then was the birthday party. The twins lost a bit of their chins there but that’s okay. I like inviting a lot of family members when there’s a party like that. Or at least inviting those who could potentially be alive! I think I’ll have to get rid of some generations, though; there’s too many of them now, and the realisation of still having my gen 2 seems just wrong - not to mention later gens. I’m gonna cleanse this save from the Owls, and play in a way I tried when I first created Valentina. Expect one grim post in the near future (two weeks time or so). Until next time ( *・∀・)ノ゛

[cle-levanter]

Aww omg that sounds stressful indeed!! A few of my friends handed in their bachelor's thesis this year and they seemed very stressed and busy, I can only imagine a master's thesis costing even more of your energy. So I'm wishing you good luck and much strength for this final phase!!💗 May I ask what you're studying?🥺 And thank you for your kind words!! I'm currently a bit sick but I'll start preparing for exams soon c:

in belgium we don't always have a bachelor's thesis (at least i didn't), it depends if your studies are supposed to be done in 3 or 5 years i think

thank you for your kind words 🥰💛

i'm finishing (soon, fingers crossed ahah) a master in translation (english and chinese) but my master's thesis is basically a translation of a book into french (the book is about greek mythology so nothing to do with english or chinese ahah, i just really like mythology) but it's not just a translation i have other stuffs to write with it (and it's killing me bc my translation has been finished for 3 weeks now) but i should be done before next week, only a couple of days left i can see the finish line it's a great feeling (and stressful ngl)

crossing my fingers for your exams (and your health), i believe in you 🤞🏼💪🏻

[anonyfamous13]

ADHD as a Student

Some days I love adhd and some days it embarrasses the heck out of me

I was in a very small class today where I’m the youngest by far bc I went to grad school straight out of my undergrad. So I already feel a little out of place. We were supposed to be researching for our papers but my thoughts were going so fast that I couldn’t figure out how to word and present my topic to the lady in the library that was helping us.

I was being asked questions and she was really nice about trying to help me but it was overwhelming so I was shutting down and got super shy (and I normally have a big personality).

I ended up not following along with the class, putting in my headphones, and doing my own thing. I had so many thoughts and I couldn’t organize them but I knew the idea was there.

I think my adhd helps me be creative by making lots of connections so my research topic is a synthesis of 3 different ideas to make a point that none of them make alone. Most people choose something simple that there is already books about and they just have to pull the info and summarize but I can’t do that because I wouldn’t be passionate about it.

The girl I sat next to was super sweet and let me process it with her after I finished getting my idea on paper. Which took writing and rewriting before it was all in the right order.

But I was so scared to talk about my topic out loud. My prof has a gruff personality and I knew my topic doesn’t make sense unless my thought process is thoroughly explained. But if he didn’t get it, he would probably reject it right away. And I knew I was tired and might cry if all my work from that week was rejected.

I’m also not good at processing or presenting things verbally. My thoughts get jumbled and I bounce all over the place even though what I’m saying makes sense to me.

After class ended, I asked the librarian lady if she could work through my topic with me. She listened to me and was super helpful and completely followed my line of logic. I would mention things and she’d say “that would be a good topic for a thesis!” which was really encouraging. She said my connections between the concepts were valid and she even took interest in the fiction books I am writing.

My prof was still in the room and stayed the whole time we talked which was scary for me but I felt good knowing the librarian thought my topic would work.

I apologized to the lady and thanked her for helping me and told her that I just take a little longer to process things than some people. I was finally able to do it when the rest of the class had left, taking the noise and a lot of the pressure with them, and I was being listened to one-on-one.

I’m 22 but I felt like a child and like I was faking it. I could’ve paid attention to her presentation on research and taken better part in it, but I was overwhelmed and didn’t know where to effectively begin without my topic fully set. And I hate doing something knowing my effort is wasted. Plus, I couldn’t relax until my brain figured the problem out.

I just needed time, extra help, and to work removed from distractions. And that’s okay. I can improve for next time and be more confident in asking for help. But it’s okay that I struggled today.

[aestronautics]

my brain rn, spinning like the fan of an overheating computer. thoughts bouncing from topic to topic like a lil pinball. like. novella about dolphins and ghosts. need to learn everything about the cli-fi genre, a genre i didn’t even know existed 2 days ago. brainstorm topics for my  15 page final paper that’s due in exactly a week. thinking thoughts abt [redacted ship] from [redacted show] that i’m back to watching bc i need to finish it before [redacted significant date]. thinking abt plans for creative content. thinking abt etsy shops. thinking abt ancestral home. freaking out abt my master’s thesis that i need to write in the spring but basically need to have planned out by november if i’m going to write it in the spring. planning out my next build in the sims. charting my entire sims town’s family trees. trying to read an article for the assignment i’m currently supposed to be doing but all the words are sliding around my brain like alphabet soup as every other thought consumes me.

[klayr-de-gall]

Apparently I can’t send you an ask on my laptop bc your blog has been marked as containing sensitive media? Uggh tumblr, do you have to constantly be such a garbage fire...? Hurrah for mobile workarounds 😂Anyway! Soft asks: 4, 10, 27!

Hey there!

Yeah, tumblr still hates me for whatever reason. I can#t even visit my own blog on desktop -.- I wrote them to lift the ban, it’s still in revision. I’m sad. Gimme back my icon, tumblr!

4. what flower would you like to be given?

Non, actually. I mean, I don’t mind flowers, there are so many beautiful arrangements! But I’m more the “leafy green plant that doesn’t bloom” person. I have one small room but own 8 plants XD

I also like that even the blooming plants in pots (like these cute little roses) stay alive for way longer than any cut flower ever could. And if you care for them right you can have them for a long time or always plant them in the garden!

10. what’s something you’re excited for?

Hard to say. I’m not someone to get overly excited for stuff, I believe.

In the bigger picture I’m excited about finally finishing univerity, but I’m really not excited about writing my thesis or having to go job hunting in the current situation XD

Smaller things:

I’m excited to go visit my friend for 3-4 times a week and get to spend time with her cats that all like me and love to cuddle (Cat’s are the direct route to my happiness, I tell you XD) I’m also excited to own a cat some day!

And I’m excited that I could rope a friend into one of my current OTPs and get to RP them. yay!

27. which character would you want to be?

haha, that’s a great question.

I usually like to get attached to the adventuring kind of characters. The ones that travel and tumbrl into crazy shit. Uncharted comes to mind at the moment, would love to be Nate XD

(Like, I love ST and Steve for example, but it would suck to be him XD)

Funny enough I always want to be an X-Men. like, always. show me one of the movies (even the bad ones) and I’ll fantasize about being an x-men for the next month XD Also, being part of a zombie apocalypse scenario would also be “fun”. No particular character.

Thank you for the questions! <3

Hope all is nice and good with you!

[inyoursheets]

Hello! I wanted to ask counting sheep and racing thoughts for your asks. But also if you are working on something besides warm water?

Counting Sheep: How long have you been writing?

uhhh forever and also just recently??? i always loved to write but when i started writing brio fic in january of this year, i actually hadn’t written in a few years. or, barely. brief stints. but ive been writing since my grandma passed when i was..... i wanna say eight? im not sure

Racing Thoughts: Do you like word sprints, or sites like Write or Die? Do you write well under pressure? 

i don’t know if i write well under pressure, but pressure is probably the one solid guarantee to get me to write? at least it makes me write. im actually surprised by how helpful the good girls prompt-a-thon was in getting me to write and just bang out the first 10k of the threesome fic in like three weeks! and that i liked (still do, actually) how it turned out! so my initial instincts would be oh please don’t make me, i find the pressure terrifying, but it does help me focus.

i’m actually convinced i wouldn’t have written or finished the threesome fic while also writing warm water if it weren’t for the fact that i took the prompt and was expected to upload it by a specific date. bc im actually pretty bad at balancing different projects at once, i think, especially if it’s something i really wanna immerse in and do justice to -- which leads me to your other question about whether im working on something besides warm water.

im madly flattered that you ask! the answer is, i wish i could, i want to, but i can’t, bc my brain doesn’t work that way? like i said im really bad a juggling different creative projects and im currently also writing my thesis which is a similarly write-y and dense project as starting a new multichapter fic would be. i hugely admire people who can juggle multiple fics at once. the only reason i managed to work on the threesome fic and warm water at the same time is bc the former was nicely condensed by the prompt and the time limit. then i got really frustrated with both fics and distracted myself by writing a third, but i actually feel like i didn’t do that one justice, like i went about it with a lot of haste. so i wanna prevent that from happening again.

i can actually feel vague hints of plot and fic ideas tug at my sleeves a little but im trying to be smart and not give them any attention yet bc my fear is that it would distract me too much from warm water and my thesis, which should’ve been finished by now but it’s nowhere near done. also bc i actually still have to figure out some things for warm water and if i now start working on something new, figuring out warm water is gonna get more difficult, i assume. so i don’t think i could do a new fic justice if i try and work on it now, im too deep into warm water and trying to figure out some of the next chapters.

my plan is to finish warm water and once it’s done, give myself some time to get out of that specific brio headspace -- im kinda worried id write something too similar in terms of their dynamic, so im thinking i should just palate cleanse with a PWP oneshot or something. and then take a look at what exactly is trying to get my attention and give that proper attention and time and think it through and make a solid outline and write a significant portion of it before so much as uploading the first chapter.

in conclusion i wanna work on different things but im trying to resist, plus my natural writing urges of plummeting straight into writing without much thought for plot would probably kick in if i do give in, and my future self isn’t gonna thank me for indulging. just like im now a little bit frustrated with past me for not having figured out the part of warm water’s plot im working on rn. but im very excited to start thinking about new things! tho at the same time, warm water has become pretty dear to me, and i also really want to do the final part of that fic justice and give us all a hopefully satisfying ending to that angsty mess! so for now, just my baby warm water

thank you for asking anon, im very flattered!!! can’t sleep writing asks to help me avoid actual writing <3

[nerice]

the thing i keep coming back to is. finishing my degree was not worth losing my writing over. i am just so deeply, inconsolable heartbroken. i cannot stop wondering...... 2022 simply was so terrible.... maybe if i'd had the courage to write my thesis right after my last exam...... if i'd just quit therapy like i'd wanted to. if i had never gone chasing a diagnosis, delaying thesis, went on meds that gave me heart issues, went to the hospital, all for what? write my thesis from my own bad brain after all but the acquired anxieties are unbearable..... i always had medical/death anxiety but it used to only flare a few days a year, irrationally, i'd write a will or whatever while crying for a night and wake up the next day sobered and fine. it was fine. now every medical issue throws me into a 3 week terror loop. i cannot bear to learn of people around me having heart issues, an older coworker getting a terminal diagnosis, the story a friend told me back in february how a guy at our workplace died [other department] from some health emergency when nobody was around to help bc everyone was on break. it nests in brain i cannot get it out. i cannot stop thinking about death and dying and my own deteriorating health even though i'm fine. how i shouldn't stress but i am running out of time but i cannot write anyway anymore bc thesis took that from me. because i am riddled with anxiety and restless and pain so deep inside me but not the comfortable suicidal depression of my teen years that never stopped me from writing that writing saved me from. i had to finish my degree to have something in my hands, but i cannot imagine working full time until i have my health (physical and mental) under control. i had to push through it. but that's what i did, three weeks from the end, so all the agony of that year did not matter i could have done that after my oral exam, too. instead of the mental/medical gauntlet, instead of getting into g3nshin because i needed something easy to take my mind of things and that is, probably, in part, what nuked my wrist because other than appointed workdays all i did was game for hours every day not moving. haha wrist pain is only funny until it takes the ability to draw from you. until it becomes haha joint pain (said wondering if i will ever be able to get out of this purgatory). in the end, what got me thru thesis, was the golden horizon of after, of being able to write again, draw again. return to life, have the mental space and freedom to workout and get a proper job that's fun and pays well so i can finally move past my poverty trauma one day, too. but i'm on the other side now and i have none of that. and it hurts. god it hurts so bad. there is a version of my life where it did not turn out this way and there is probably a future even now where i have managed to get out of this hole, but right now, from inside the hole............. it is dark and scary and hopeless. and painful and sad and full of grief. :(

[neonwizardheehee]

so today feels like the last day of holidays for me :o so little rant ahead :P

I’m beyond nervous and don’t feel ready at all XD

This week I’ll go to work after 9 months of lounging in front of my laptop and writing my thesis. And also print out my thesis. 

I can deal with “work-anxiety” bc that happened to me almost everytime i worked college student jobs so I know I’ll just have to imagine the §§§ to keep going XD

But finishing my thesis...feels wrong. There are so many things still wrong but I don’t wanna finish them for some reason... idk why I’m shaking so much here. Even writing this is smth I procrastinate KSKSK

But I know i just have to push through and oof finally be able to breathe again? LIke a normal human being with like... working hours and classes? It’s been so long that I’m scared but I know it’ll be worth it. 

Idk what I’m so afraid of.... it’s not that I feel lonely or sad these days.... I wanna use my diabetes as an excuse but I know it’s just an excuse... I have to keep fighting for this. I don’t want to go all hermit again in a first semester... but i also don’t wanna loose the internet connections and happiness I have from that. So ig my fear is just the fear of change... whcih is smth I usually don’t have hahah 

so yeah we’ll see how much I’ll change ig and how I feel... I’ll def have less sleep that’s for sure ;)))) but I got money from my parents so I can finally buy food again next week <3

[hannahchuu]

I was tagged by @makeitpoppy 💕😍

Are you staying at home from work/school?

So, I haven't been to work since beginning of March but I have to go back there next week (for now it's just a meeting bc I'm working in a hotel & my schedule depends on the amount of guests we have). I've been really happy about that tho bc I still get paid & just before the pandemic happend, I got really overwhelmed by my work & started to hate it a lot. I also had some issues with a colleague & I dread having to see her again. I had really wished that I wouldn't have to go back there anytime soon.

University has also been cancelled after only one regular week & I only have online classes now. Tbf tho, I would've only had one class overall this semester bc I'm in my last semester of university & only my master's thesis is left. My only class is a Japanese conversation class, which is online now & I'm really struggling with the format lol. It's so odd to have to talk to people when you can't see them & half the time you also can't hear them properly.

As for my master's thesis...at first I was fine with quarantine & uni being cancelled bc I thought it'd give me time to focus on my thesis but unexpectedly libraries also closed for two months & I wasn't able to get any books until beginning of May. So I basically didn't do anything at home ahaha.

If you’re at home, who is there with you?

No one. My mum used to be there occasionally but she has since gone to her boyfriend's house and rarely ever comes. (Which is totally fine btw. She really stresses me out lol)

Do you have pets to keep you company?

No 💔

Who do you miss the most?

I have social anxiety so I'm actually quite happy about not having to see anyone. I also feel like I talk (via phone) to my friends & family way more often now. I do however, miss certain activities like going shopping with my friends. Oh & hugs! I also miss my sister & her girlfriend bc it's always fun being around them. And I miss the people in my Japanese class. Online classes really take away the social aspects of it (Like talking with people before & after).

When was the last time you left your home?

Yesterday! I went to the supermarket bc my fridge was v v empty. The last time I left to go somewhere else was last Thursday when I went to the library.

What was the last thing you bought?

The last thing I bought in person was food. Last online purchase were face masks (as in sheet masks) ahaha.

Is quarantine driving you insane or are you finally relaxed?

I'm sort of relaxed? Like more relaxed than usual I think. I'm a bit stressed out about my future bc I'm right at the end of my university education & I actually planned to finish my thesis & get a full-time job by the end of the year but I'm not sure whether there will still be jobs or job interviews ahahah. My thesis also stresses me out a bit. But I think all of this would've also stressed me out w/o quarantine so overall I'm relaxed. I'm getting stressed out by the prospect of going back to work tho.

Are you a homebody?

Yessssss

What movies have you watched recently?

So I was planning on watching tons of films during quarantine but I haven't watched any so far ahahah

I mainly watch anime & YouTube

An event you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

Two anime conventions I've been going to religiously with my friends T_T

What’s the worst thing you’ve had to cancel?

My Japan trip. It would've been my very first trip to Japan but a week before we were due to leave Austria issued a travel warning for all countries. Later on all tourists arriving in Japan also had to quarantine themselves for 2 weeks. I was super upset about having to cancel it but also sort of relieved bc I wouldn't have wanted to go there in the middle of a pandemic. I also got all of my money refunded so yay.

What’s the best thing you had to cancel?

Any kind of social interaction and work ahahhahaha

Do you have any new hobbies?

Not really. Before I started working on my thesis, I studied Japanese more frequently but that's about it.

What are you out of?

Skincare! I put off ordering any new items bc I was supposed to go to Japan & I thought I could just buy everything there. Well, now I'm out of toner, essence, a good cleanser and face masks :(( I ended up ordering more at the end of March but my order still hasn't arrived yet (It's stuck at customs T____T)

What music are you listening to?

Mainly German Hip-Hop ahahah

What shows are you watching?

Soooo, I've literally watched 7 anime series so far:

Chobits

Kimagure Orange Road

Yuru Camp (my favourite)

Sabagebu!

Citrus

Fullmetal Alchemist

Asobi Asobase

So yeah, quite productive! I gotta focus on my thesis now tho so I’ve only been sporadically watching Ojamajo Doremi.

What are you reading?

My only goal for this quarantine was to finally read all of the books that have been piling up on my bedside table, which I did yay

I've read The Scarlet Letter, The Sailor Who Fell From Grace with the Sea (I recommend), The Moon over the Mountain, UFO In Her Eyes (I can also recommend) & In Dreams Begin Responsibilities and Other Stories.

I got 3 more books for my birthday (Poems To Fix A Fucked Up World, Japanese Tales of Mystery and Imagination & Roadqueen), which I haven't gotten around to reading yet.

What are you doing for self care?

Taking long baths & reading in the bath tub 💕 I also apply lash serum, a lip mask & body lotion every night.

Are you exercising?

Yes! I actually started exercising everyday in September & I'm still doing it yay

How’s your toilet paper supply?

I still have enough left ahahah I was supposed to be quarantined w my mum but I ended up being by myself & I don’t need a lot.

Have you made any changes to your hair?

Not yet. I've been considering getting bangs & the only thing that (luckily) is stopping me is that one tumblr post that's like you don't need bangs! you need therapy!!!!

I tag @lunarix @swaddle @motherfuckinbuddha @ive-beendreaming​ @kaizoku​ @piggiechi​ @regenbogen-flummi​ @misodelivery​ @vroomkat​ @zyphyyr​ @my-selfish-love @giantoflight @frillypinkdreams @catpacks @cupidie @emograntaire @sugarmickey @bubbleteaboy & everyone else who wants to do this