#bc i just had to buy a car and spend my savings and more on fixing my old car

[totalspiffage]

My brain feels like it's been in a complete fog for like 6 months but I'm trying my best. That and the resurgence of nerve pain and NEW pain in my spine has been great I love bodies.

[monsterfuker3000]

Let’s Get in the Back of Your Cop Car, Officer ♡

You can ask me anything you want, anything, anything <3

More Leon brain rot for you my luvs!

Word count is 1.8k yummy

Warnings: NSFW, mean!dom!(?)Leon, a smidgie of degradation (I think he says ‘whore’), p in v sex, rough sex, unprotected sex (DO NOT DO THAT,) handcuffs, idk dubcon for a sec? Leon checks in w/reader though!! Leon is a big big big meanie in this but I promise it’s only bc he’s soooo frustrated :( he gets softer at the end hehe. RE2 Leon because he is my pookie bear.

There is no way in hell the two of you are meeting quota today. Not when you’re spending your shift practically folded in the back of the squad car with Leon’s cock shoved so deep in you that you could swear it was hitting your lungs.

You’d been paired up with Leon today as an ‘exercise in getting along,’ as the higher-ups put it. Everyone at the station was sick of the back-and-forth between you and Leon. The two of you couldn’t be civil with each other to save your lives. You’d tease him, he’d boil over, you’d tease him for boiling over. It was a vicious cycle.

The two of you had been sent out on patrol on the edge of town to watch for speeding drivers. Everyone hoped a little forced proximity would force the two of you to reconcile your differences.

Good lord, were the two of you reconciling.

You weren’t exactly sure how you’d ended up in the back of the squad car with him; everything that happened from the moment he peeled off into the parking lot of a closed wayside and threw it in park had been fuzzy.

You’d been teasing him of course, talking about how he’d probably never had a girlfriend and you doubted he could make a girl cum even if his life depended on it. He was sick of hearing it. You laid under him in the backseat, unsure where your uniform pants had disappeared to. He was on all fours above you, effectively caging you in with his limbs.

He brought his face close to yours and growled. “I’m so fucking tired of hearing you run your mouth, especially when you have no idea what you’re talking about,” he ground out. He grabbed you by your waist and flipped you over on your stomach as you yelped in surprise. “God, I know it would fucking kill you to be proven wrong, wouldn’t it?”

You turned to look at him over his shoulder as he fought to undo his belt buckle. “What, you gonna fuck me? Think you’re gonna make me cum? I doubt it, Kennedy. We both know you get zero pussy.” He grabbed your hair and wrapped it tightly around his fist, pulling you up to him so he could whisper in your ear.

“I’m going to be the best lay you’ve ever had in your goddamn life.”

He let go of your hair and you landed back on your hands, but he quickly grabbed each of your wrists and cuffed them behind you before dropping you to damn near land right on your face. Did he seriously use his RPD cuffs on you? Your ass was still in the air and you gasped as you heard the sound of fabric tearing as he quite literally ripped your panties off.

“Relax, I’ll buy you some new ones,” he spat. He balled them in his fist and brought them just inches from your face. “I should shove these in your mouth to keep you quiet, but I’d really rather hear you scream when you cum around my cock.” The words went straight to your core and you could just barely see him stuff them in his pocket out of the corner of your eye.

He roughly shoved two fingers into you and curled them, making you cry out. He pumped them in and out at an unforgiving pace, and you could hear just how wet you’d gotten. “You hear that? That’s a much better sound than you constantly running your fucking mouth, hm? Tight little pussy keeps sucking me in, you want my cock?”

You moaned, the pace making you unable to form a coherent sentence. Leon pulled his fingers out and sharply slapped your ass, making you cry out again.

“What, nothing to say now? You run your mouth all fucking day but the second I ask you to answer me, you’ve got nothing to say. What’s that about, hm?” He was seriously pissing you off, now. “And look at this,” he said, dragging his finger through your slick that had pooled out onto the backseat. “You’re literally dripping like some kind of whore. You liked it that much?”

Before you could answer, Leon shoved his fingers in your mouth, making you taste yourself. You whined, doing your best to lick them clean before he pulled them out with a pop. “Now, answer me. You want me to fuck you?”

“Yes, Leon, please fuck me, I want it so bad!” you cried out.

“Aw, but you said I couldn’t ever make a girl cum,” he answered, mock pouting. No, you thought, please don’t stop now. You tried to press your hips back against him, whining when you couldn’t make contact. Fine.

“Please, Leon, please fuck me, I want it so bad, I’ll do anything, I swear!” you whined.

“Alright, baby, I’ll give you what you want,” you could hear the cruel sneer in his voice, even if you still couldn’t see him. You heard the rustle of fabric, assuming he was pushing down his pants and boxers, and you cried out in surprise when you felt the head of his cock run over your clit and catch on it. “Relax, baby, just getting my cock nice and wet for you,” he teased. You desperately wanted to see him.

As if he read your mind, he grabbed the chain connecting your handcuffs and yanked it toward him, pulling you upwards enough that you could turn your head and see what you were working with. Jesus.

“Is. . . Is it going to fit?” you asked. He laughed darkly.

“It’ll fit, darling.”

He pressed the head against your entrance, just a quarter of an inch or so in before pausing. His attitude did a one-eighty as he quietly spoke. “Hey, this okay? You can say no,” he urged. You shook your head almost too enthusiastically while trying to push your hips back into his. The dark smile returned to his face and he straightened. “Good.”

He pushed in, the almost ridiculous amount of slick leaking out of you making it much easier than you expected. He didn’t give you a chance to adjust before he started fucking you in earnest, using the chain between your cuffs to pull you into him with every thrust.

“Fuck, Leon, yes!” you cried. His balls slapped against your clit with every thrust, sending what felt like an electric shock through your body each time. Leon barely registered that you had even spoken, already lost in your pussy.

He grabbed a fistful of your hair again, once again using it to pull your back flush with his chest. He hooked his chin over your shoulder and spoke into your ear again.

“Why, hm?” he asked. You made a sound in the back of your throat that almost sounded like a question; it was all you could muster up. “Why don’t you ever. Shut. The. Fuck. Up?” he questioned, punctuating each word with a thrust so deep it hit your cervix hard, sending a deep ache through your entire abdomen and making you scream. You came, silently thanking God that Leon was holding you up as you gushed around him and down your thighs. You knew if he wasn’t then you would have fallen flat on your face.

He pulled out and you whined at the sudden empty feeling. He flipped you over onto your back, the cuffs now biting into the skin on your wrists and back, but you didn’t care. He entered you again, continuing the breakneck pace he’d set earlier.

“Every time you open that mouth it drives me crazy. You know that? Every time you mouth off at me I want to take my cock and shove it down that pretty throat of yours, that would shut you up,” he muttered. Huh? Where was this coming from?

“I’ve always wanted you so bad,” he continued. “From the first day you came in I wanted you. I’d have done anything for you, anything you asked. I’d walk barefoot across a mile of broken glass for you if that’s what you wanted from me. So why do you have to be so fucking mean?” he almost whined, finishing the sentence with another particularly hard thrust. What on Earth is he talking about? You weren’t sure if he even meant for you to hear this, he seemed almost hypnotized.

“Leon, look-fuck-look at me,” you demanded. He looked up at you, tearing his gaze away from where he’d been looking the whole time; the space where your bodies connected. He didn’t stop thrusting, may God strike him down if he ever did stop.

“Leon I-I tease you because-God-because I li-fuck, so deep-because I like you,” you finally managed to grind out. He paused. The two of you stared at each other for a moment, seeming to make a silent agreement to discuss this later. Leon had other things on his mind right now.

He fucked into you again, still at a grueling pace but now rolling his hips, brushing against your g-spot with every thrust and gripping your hips like he needed you to live.

You were already close, so the new angle made you cum again, practically painting his thighs with your slick, and he knew he wouldn’t last much longer either. He looked at you pleadingly.

“W-where?” he muttered.

“Inside, please,” you whined.

Your pussy was still clenching around him from your orgasm and it sent him over the edge quickly. He spilled inside you, enough that some dripped out onto the seat, deep as he was. He spent a moment catching his breath before pulling out, flinching when you grimaced.

“I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” he questioned, sincere this time. He looked cute with his eyebrows furrowed in concern

You winced as you tried to close your legs. “Just a little s-sore is all,” you replied. Then you laughed. “Some bonding exercise, huh Leon?”

He laughed in return as he searched for something to clean you up with. “I think we’ve got some stuff to discuss,” he said as he found a stray napkin and began gently wiping at your thighs with it.

You took a deep breath as he did so, the napkin just a little too rough. Not much to be done about that. “True, but I’d like for you to uncuff me before we have a heart-to-heart,” you grinned.

Leon’s eyes flew open wide. “Fuck! I’m so sorry, I’d forgotten I’d done that. Give me just a second.” You laid there in the backseat, spacing out as he searched his pockets and his tactical belt. “Uh-oh,” he mumbled.

You tried to sit up. “Uh-oh? What’s ‘uh-oh?’ Uh-oh is literally never good.”

Leon flashed you that signature crooked grin, sheepish this time instead of amused. “I uh. . . I’m having a little trouble locating the key.”

BOY OH BOY THAT WAS SURE FUN

[campbyler]

if i may ask, i am v curious when the party got their cars/how long theyve had them

ella i hope you don't hate me from harboring this ask since the end of august bc i really did mean to answer it sooner. i love u mwah.

mike: some of the lore surrounding the mustang has now been revealed through chapter 9.1, but to reiterate for the purpose of this ask: mike really wanted to get a car with manual transmission, and wanted something used so it could be a purchase he made himself. he did a lot of research online and in person before finding the mustang, which he did think was a little gaudy, but to me he's also a pretty big car buff and likes a lot of classic models -- no matter anyone's feelings on mustangs as a whole, it is a very iconic car with a lot of history, so mike definitely appreciates that a lot. he had nancy co-sign but he paid for everything himself! as of acswy, he's had it for just over a year!

will: will's car is also used, and also something he (mostly) paid for by himself! originally he was going to inherit jonathan's car but like in the show, it died. rip. but hopper Knows A Guy who works on and then sells a lot of used cars and that's who they ended up buying will's car from. he got it when he turned 17 for around ~$2500 since hop's friend cut them a deal, and he paid for Most of that himself (using money he's saved up from camp and the part-time job he had during the school year when he was in hs) and hop and joyce covered the rest. that said, will does pay them back on a monthly basis and pays for his own gas and insurance, so to him they didn't help at all (even tho they helped more than mike's parents did lol). by the start of acswy, he's paid his parents back in full and now just worries about the insurance payments.

lucas: lucas's parents and smart and invest and told their beautiful talented son that if he worked hard and got good grades they would buy him a car for graduation. so he did. and then also got a full ride scholarship to uconn to play basketball and his parents said oh ok slay boy. thanks so much. so since they are saving on a LOOOT of tuition and room and board fees they said we will get you a nice car. and lucas said bet, hellcat? and his mom said ABSOLUTELY NOT and his dad said ABSOLUTELY. mike was fuming btw. if you care.

max: tbh we haven't so super fleshed out a lot of max's family lore so i'd have to consult w suni re: current arrangements BUT 2 me max shares her car w her mom. i think her mom works from home and when she needs to go somewhere uses max's step dad's car just so that max can have some extra freedom. it's also my headcanon that max is the oldest in the friend group so she got her license first and was will and el's designated chauffeur for a while <3

el: el Just got her car and license before the start of acswy! i think she's the youngest in the party and she had will and max to drive her places so there was truly no need to get her license or car until now, plus i think she had some driving anxiety. she also got her car thru hop's friend but it was a little more expensive than will's since it's a bit newer and a nicer model, but she's had more time to save up for it! she mostly got one because she wanted to be able to have something to drive back at school, and also because she's more willing to admit than will is that the cobalt is not going to last super long, so one of them needs to have a car lol.

dustin: dustin got his car from his mom when she upgraded to a new one and while most people would complain dustin said FUCK YEAH because he loves his mom's car and also didn't have to spend a single dime on it lol. i think he got it when he was 17 as well so he also drove lucas and mike around for a bit before they got their cars as part of the indy crew!

AND THAT IS IT. THAT IS ALL. I HOPE THIS WAS WORTH IT AT ALL

[thedisablednaturalist]

My parents found out about the present I bought myself for my birthday. I worked my max hours to afford it. I had it shipped to my bfs house so they wouldn't see it. Apparently I missed a receipt that was hidden in the box. Idk how they got it anyway cause I put the box out with the trash/recycling. My mom was being so cruel about it and how I keep buying myself "lavish" gifts (most stuff I buy for fun is like $10-$50 max). I always plan my purchases and have never missed a credit card payment. Most of my money goes towards doctors visits, medication, car maintenance and gas, accessibility items/ergonomic stuff, cat food and litter, and hygiene. Recently I stopped most of my subscriptions save for a cheap minecraft server. The bulk of my pay goes into savings which have really grown since I got my raise. I also give my parents $400 in rent each month. I'm trying to save up for a recliner to replace my bed but I don't want to use the money I've already put away.

Like ok, maybe I'm not mr.frugal. maybe i sometimes buy more expensive things because they're more convenient (like already cut vegetables/fruit or preprepared meals) but like my hands fucking hurt and sometimes I don't have the spoons to feed myself. Maybe I fall prey to impulse purchases once in a while. Im learning and I'm trying to learn how to budget bc now I have to also pay for insurance until I can get on medicaid.

My mom acts like I don't care. She sees amazon packages come for me and think theyre all toys or expensive skincare or junk when its actually body wipes for when I cant shower/so i dont come back from the field to the office all stinky. Its a trash can I can keep on my bedshelf so I dont throw trash onto the floor instead. Its knee braces because my knees fucking suck. Once in a while Ill see something on sale that ive been wanting for a while and will grab it. And the most expensive skincare I use is $20 for a jar that lasts me 3 months. I have to keep my skin clear or ill pick and have scabs and blood all over my face again. I spend money on drag because it MAKES me money. Last time I got paid $100 from the venue and $50 in tips. One time I got paid $300 from the venue (i dont remember how much in tips).

Im trying my best. Im working with 3 government agencies rn to get a job and get health coverage. Im working my ass off at my job when i probably shouldnt be working (my mom laughed when I mentioned this). I'm constantly doing things to earn me money or to make life a bit less painful. Even streaming is a desperate attempt to make a career/side gig out of something I enjoy and doesn't make me flare up. I only watch shows when im with my bf or when im doing chores or working. I rarely play video games. When I flare I lay in bed and scroll Tumblr or play a mindless dress up game where I only have to move my thumb. I cry almost everyday. I cry on the way to work. I cry holding my cat in so much pain i cant move.

The only big frivilous purchases I've made is the present and a new graphics card (I haven't replaced my old one in a decade). The present cost $230 and the graphics card cost $800. Both of these I saved for. I might buy a nice skirt once in a while but thats pretty much it. I also spread out big purchases over time when I can.

Am I spoiled? Maybe. Maybe my parents are right and I'm a lazy spoiled kid who just makes excuses. But my pain is real, constant, and severe.

I have friends who's birthday presents consist of trips to fucking italy or the bahamas. Who complain when their parents drag them on yet another international vacation. Some are amazing people who are grateful and work their asses off. And some of them are a bit entitled. My mom said most 26 year olds are living on their own with jobs and I fucking laughed. The only 26 year olds with their own apartments especially in my area either have 5 roommates in a 2 bedroom shithole, got lucky and have a high paying tech job, their parents pulled strings to get them hired, or their parents are paying partly or fully for their apartment.

And when i tried to find an apartment? She discouraged me and told me id never be able to afford one (correct) but now im suddenly able to when it suits her argument? Ive been heavily job hunting for over a year and got ONE interview who ghosted me after two interviews. I make $2k MAX. Rent in my area is $1700-2500 for a freaking studio. The $1700 one doesn't let you see the apartment and gets snapped up immediately. And these are all apartments within a 2 hour radius. All the "affordable housing" is for people 55 and older.

Like I literally have no options. I can't move until I get a job in that area. I can't leave the country cause Im disabled and also thats fucking expensive. My bf makes less than me and even combined we couldn't afford a place.

Literally, I've never been suicidal before. Ive never struggled with that due to my fear of death. But all of this? Ive recently had suicidal thoughts and its fucking scary. Thoughts that killing myself would make it easier for everyone else. That it would be easier to just end it, that life will always be a living hell and i should just give up. And thats fucking scary! I shouldn't have those thoughts! But that's how bad it is.

I try to do what my therapist told me. I try to set boundaries. But setting a boundary means not eating dinner bc I leave when my parents yell at me. I try to think positively and ignore the pain. I probably walk an average of 1-2 miles a day. I try and try and try and it hurts so much. They can't be proud of me? For even big victories? Guilting me about graduation cause I took too long. Keeping a job for more than a year (its not a REAL job cause its hourly and doesnt have benefits).

Like what's the point? I've been fighting and fighting and most of the world wants to see me dead and gone anyway. I'm trying to work in a field that doesn't even consider people like me. If I cant work Ill just bring my boyfriend and my family down. Every step forward I manage to take I get dragged back 10.

Im so tired and ashamed and stressed and my fucking body hurts worse now because of the stress and i just dont want to wake up tomorrow.

[fclklqre]

i heard a convo from some of the girls i board with and it went like this:

“my neighbours had their land rover stolen when it was parked outside their house on the side of the road”

“oh thats so annoying”

ANNOYING? ITS A WHOLE ASS CAR! THATS MORE THAN JUST ANNOYING 😭

PLS ID BE SO MAD 😭😭

they literally have to save up to buy ANOTHER car. unless they find the person who stole it but who knows if they sold any of those parts…bc then you have to spend more money to fix the car

why do i also imagine her saying it like this:

oh that’s so annoying 😐

like it just happens every hour 💀

[esparafuso]

Monday, November 7th, 2022

Dear Diary, where do I even begin. Perhaps saying I still can't believe I saw my favourite band performing live for the first time.

I'm an anxious person and shows always seemed so far away from me, from where I lived and from what I thought I'd have the guts of attending. If it wasn't for my friend Lya (@/sorethpid) I'd perhaps still be dreaming about how cool it would be if I lived the same experience I keep seeing others have for years and years.

In an impulse, we bought tickets for Primavera Sound 2022 happening in São Paulo. It wasn't cheap, but both of us had savings and were crazy enough to spend it on a ticket and flight tickets and a hotel room.

We live in different states, so it was thrilling to meet her again (third time personally), as we met on the internet 6 years ago here on tumblr, two artists drawing Arctic Monkeys fanart and rambling to the other about our favourite things about them, and our favourite album, and how much we wish we had the chance of hearing them live.

It happened on Saturday, November 5th. Her first festival, my first show ever in life, we got to the place and tried to keep it cool among all the stylish people around. It was okay though, we were just happy to be there. We decided to buy two donuts (we admittedly didn't plan food very well, too anxious to get to the place already) and after a couple stops we headed to the stage to take a look, but decided to stay there already when we saw the narrow place and the realisation that soon the whole thing would be packed w ppl hit us (later on, we saw we would better had stopped by a nearby bathroom for Lya, but okay)

The gig would start at 10pm, and we were there at 4:30pm. We got to know the music of a sweet artist called Helado Negro, which we supported and danced along even not knowing the lyrics. One hour and a half break, and then came Interpol. I personally didn't listen to the band much, but they kicked ass and made everyone super pumped and jumpy (myself included). Another one hour and a half before AM.

Gigs aren't kind to shorter ppl, we learned that. We tried our best to adjust and see the stage (which was actually way closer than we expected to get) and managed with some struggle. Our boots were also a literal pain, and I don't remember feeling my feet hurting this bad in my life, to the point I had to keep dancing to keep the pain manageable - only forgotten when an artist was performing. Especially the ones we were dying to see more.

Seeing the stage being set up made us already excited. Matt's golden drumkit, Nick's bass, Alex's and Jamie's guitars going through the soundproof, curtains being set on the back of the stage - we saw THREE regular sized disco balls being brought up when Interpol's stage was being set, and we knew who they belonged to, and yet they didn't make it to the final thing for AM.

After 3 false alarms, here they come. Screams ringing in my ear, I saw those four men (plus two) walk into my sight of vision and I can't even describe how I felt. They quickly assumed positions and the heavy synth of Sculptures resonated from the speakers - the The Car song we were more hopeful they would perform (we didn't even know they had played it before in Rio).

the photos really aren't the strongest bcs of how overwhelmed I was and the little space in my phone (another thing I forgot to prepare properly, like an idiot)... some recordings didn't go through, like Potion approaching, which made me sad but at least I got some :'D

I wish I could put here what my eyes saw, because I could see their FACIAL FEATURES from where I was, which was unbelievable close in my book. I managed to save the recording of Pretty Visitors, really hoping to get my beloved Agile Beast's crazy good drumming

I recorded another for Do Me a Favour, my favourite Arctic Monkeys song, where I kept shaking from crying but can't upload here pls of Tumblr's limit of videos in a post.

The whole time I sang and danced and screamed and cried, I just kept repeating in my head that they were real people, they existed, they weren't a fever dream or a gif or a video I saw on the internet, they were living humans right in front of me, and up until now I can't wrap my head around the fact I stood so close to them. I listened to them sing and play a few meters away from me, I could feel Matt's drums resonating in my heart, I saw Nick on the side looking SO soft, Jamie being the closest one, doing his little quirks and hops, Alex singing and dancing and. being a goofie, Matt playing and singing and making me absolutely lose it.

Even now typing all this makes me cry becasue I know I will never forget this experience. I just love and appreciate this band so much. I'm not the fan that knows all the lyrics of ALL songs yet, and I don't have their physical merch and albums, and this was only the first time I saw them live, but they hold a very special and meaningful place in my life that I will never forget.

The crowd overall was amazing, we sang everything they put out, screamed our lungs out and clapped and threw our hands in the air and pleaded them to come back. They waved to everyone and Alex threw us many kisses, and I hope they enjoyed their night as much as we basked in their presence.

Leaving the festival was very difficult due to bad logistics, my feet were incredibly sore, it was super cold outside and hundreds of ppl couldn't get a ride back home for the life of us - but we managed. And even then, when we arrived at the hotel, the only memory in our minds was their presence and their music still buzzing in our heads and hearts.

I hope we will have the chance of going to another one - we sure are thirsty for more now that we saw that it IS possible to see them live - but until then: Thank you Monkeys for this unforgettable night, and for existing and making us feel such strong emotions with your amazing music and journey as a band overall.

P.s.: thank you also whoever recorded the gig properly, because then we can see everything we lived in another, high definition angle, for the rest of our lives.

[audiovisualrecall]

A list of things I want or need to do.....

Schedule driving lessons

Work on unicorn painting

Work on illustrations for steph book

Work on 'cinderell' comic rewrite/update

Laundry today

Dishes+ run dishwasher today

Schedule dentist appt

Schedule vet visit for Edison- he has a cold or allergies or something, also a growth on one of his toes??, and I want to really in-depth discuss a plan for his weight bc ive had no success. Also he's due for annual vaccinations presumably, so. (Wish blue pearl was not so expensive bc they now have Fear Free vet visits and the difference in his behavior when we went there last time compared to other vets weve gone to was just amazing. He was able to wander around the room and it didn't feel like a typical exam room for pets so he wasn't scared and hiding, he allowed the vet and assistant to poke and prod him and manhandled him even if he wasn't thrilled, he didn't cry or hiss or scratch anyone! But for regular vet visits they're really pricey :/)

Work on Eitan and Zahav story/comic

Work on iron man/dragonriders of pern au story

Buy parts for pvc watering system for garden (need to go with dad) and set up

Work on bookcase (with dad)

Window-shop/buy stuff for steph bridal shower (with ma or on my own, but the best store to go to is far enough I'd rather go by car, and it's more fun to go with someone else and discuss ideas and also less likely to impulse buy everything?)

Go to DSW to get new sneakers (with ma, access by car travel only and easier to have a second opinion on shoes. My current pair I have a hole in the top by my big toe...oops)

Work on website: photograph artwork professionally, edit photos, design website layout and complete that. Add artwork to portfolio gallery on the site, add my photo and about me info. Request refund for the dumb add-on I didn't realize was useless. Make the website what I want it to be. May need to learn coding. Need to slim down choices for artwork to include to only the best stuff it makes sense to include, not just things I like.

Design pride plants stickers/pins

Plan for rainbow enamel or just hard enamel autisticat pins. Also, keychains?

Rework/update etsy listings/items available...

Come up with additional ideas for products. Stickers/prints/pins...keychains?

Fulfil current etsy order - soon

Organize my room - try on clothing, go thru piles of stuff, figure out what to do with certain things and if the new bin will help what to put in it, decide what to put back into drawers and which ones for what items, go thru some other stuff like bank statements, organize receipts, etc

Put shelf above window above curtain rod for displaying some stuffed toys (need dad's help)

Hang up new Queer pride flag (need help, also it's way bigger than I expected so may need to fold some of it behind and stitch it to itself to fit on the wall, need help to pin it up on the wall and probably a second step stool at least)

Look for vases for bridal shower for flowers (with ma or solo)

Go thru and organize stuff on breakfast bar

Plan out a budget - figure out how much I tend to spend on different categories of stuff per week or every 2 weeks or monthly, figure out how much I earn in that time period (if it's weekly it's half of my pay bc I'm paid every other, if it's monthly gotta double that amt, also gotta average it out/pick a general usual amount since depending on how much OT I do my pay is more or less lol). Consolidate that info together to decide on a basic budget for each category/ overall spending for the time period.

make list of things I need/want to buy or tend to buy, marked with priority or how often for repeat purchases, compare with budget for what impulse items/wants I can acquire in a given time frame and which to save for the next etc

Get a new bike or get mine fixed...

Spend time outside/go on walk

Water plants

Draw for fun. Draw tony or stevetony or dragons or cats

Read...

Get ice cream at some pt like tomorrow night if I'm off Thursday or on Thursday if I'm off Friday 🥺🥺🥺

Plan days to do activities! Kayaking/beach/farmers market/street fair/museum. With steph?

Plan to do something fun w work friends outside of work

Pride fest: who is going with me?

Renfair when it's time???

Pay for tallis!!! Today preferably! Write check and take it over to shul?? (Or give to ma to take to services this evening or go with her?)

[the-bjd-community-confess]

bear with me here. lately, well, for the past 6 months we’ve been trying to buy a house. rent in my area is terrible and moving out of my area isn’t an option, so in theory it’s literally cheaper to buy a house. plus my bf and i have good (for our area) jobs. however we wanted to only put down 15%, so we need this thing called mortgage insurance. which also goes through a credit check, like the mortgage would. we’re on the mortgage together. somehow i was approved for the mortgage but denied for the insurance, because them checking my credit lowered my score to one fucking point below what’s needed. i don’t have a bad score, or a terrible debt to income ratio, my score is literally only “fair” because i bought a car 3 years ago and that vs my student loans that i’ve had for ages lowered my credit age, and therefore my score. bc. i don’t fucking know. capitalism™️. so we have to put down 20% of a down payment which we didn’t budget for because we were fine if it weren’t for, y’know fucking credit bureaus. it’s an extra 10k we don’t have because we didn’t expect to need.

so anyway i’m taking it hard. real hard. because along with my house savings i obviously also have a doll savings (it’s much lower though) for, you know, my expensive hobby that i finally started to being able to like actually buy for around 4 years ago. and i feel guilty because it’s like, if it wasn’t for my score and if i wasn’t indulging on things that make me happy, i’d be able to save more for “””adult things””” like buying a house. i almost in a panic started calculating and figuring out how i could sell my collection and all my doll stuff because i’m sure if i sold literally everything i have related to the hobby i would be able to cover the extra 10k. i was like packing shit up and taking pics in a fugue state before my bf stopped me and was like it’s not your fault?? but anxiety and growing up poor af until this job i got after college says otherwise. as a kid and even in college i did not buy anything that wasn’t necessary or if i did it was a long time saving for like a 60$ video game, so having this much fucking money (comparatively) is so wild to me and i was so excited to finally collect and sew and create for these beautiful dolls i’ve always admire. my collection is mostly the “”cheaper dolls”” with some expensiver dolls (resinsoul is great though i legitimately love them for more than $ reasons),

i buy a lot of second hand because i love restoring things, i don’t even buy the big fancy full sets (i shell ocs mainly), and tend to use layaways to assuage my anxiety about paying sums of money over 3 digits. somewhere inside me my brain says “you brought this on yourself, you knew this was a waste of money”. it’s not i know logically, especially if all my other needs and debts are taken care of, but like. h

tl;dr so anyway this is a fucking weird ass confession. i feel sick for even indulging in this hobby and spending money on things i like instead of only paying my bills and food and taking care of my cats bc i could have used that money to add to my house savings to offset my apparently shitty credit score. i’m contemplating a second job and selling every doll thing i have because i don’t feel like i’m pulling my weight even though i am according to my bf. we’re not going to be homeless, we’ll just sign another year where we are, but it’s crushing to know that i clawed my way to stable income and doing something that makes me happy and i still can’t even be good enough for a house that’s only about 130k . that’s so so fucking cheap in this state it’s insane. i hate everything and feel so fucking guilty.

~Anonymous

[gorlsgurlsgirls]

Actually, I didn’t want to do this here bc I don’t want to be another person complaining about their husband, but I don’t have a lot of spare money for therapy at the moment and I don’t feel like I can talk to friends and family. I was nervous about that before I got married - who do I talk to when I need to talk about my marriage, my husband? I went into this not really knowing the answer. But this is my private tumblr damnit, so I need to get this out, if only for me.

Marriage is hard. And I knew it would be, even if I didn’t know specifically how. I’m trying my hardest but I don’t think I’m doing well with it. J works 60 hours a week in shipping/logistics and now that it’s the holidays, he went to work today. Who knows how many more weekends he’ll volunteer. I asked him not to, that I’ve been stressed with Teddy, but he said that the time and a half was too good to turn down. This hurts me. I know money is a huge stress factor, but it feels like he’s putting money before my sanity. I do the grocery shopping, the laundry, the cleaning, and try to manage his spending habits. I don’t want to paint him out as some loser - he is in recovery for opiate addiction from a gym injury years ago and a doctor that was too eager to prescribe him stronger and stronger meds. He’s three years clean, but his addictive behaviors show up in other ways that we’re working on. He didn’t have a good example of a healthy marriage or home/family life growing up, so I know he wants to overcome that. He tries, and I am grateful, even if I am impatient sometimes.

I had a meltdown last night because Teddy was being difficult all day. I am the one who is home with him the most - who wakes up to feed him and take him potty at 6:30 before I get ready for work. I buy his treats, prepare any snacks or puzzles for him during the day, take him for walks, feed him dinner, try to tire him out before bed. I work on training new skills and reinforcing things he’s already learned. There is mostly dirt with some patches of grass in the front yard where he goes potty so I wash his feet off daily and bathe him often. I don’t have a lot of free time bc he’s like a toddler, and some days it’s just very difficult. My MIL is home with him so I try to make things as easy for her as possible, but there are times where I feel like he’s annoying her and my FIL. So I look into obedience classes so I can get some help in the areas where I’m struggling.

I’m grateful that they let us live with them, but I’m so tired of living with my in laws. They should have been divorced 20 years ago and they snap at each other often. Their language can sound harsh sometimes when it’s a normal conversation, so I can never tell if they’re fighting or talking about the weather. My body always assumes fighting, so I try to hide in our room. But that’s difficult with a puppy. I think my FIL has dementia or something. He makes choices that are seemingly based in no logic, and it makes things stressful or difficult for everyone in the house, as he has hoarding tendencies and often leaves messes everywhere.

The house itself is quite old and has random holes and poorly done renovation that lets in bugs and pollen and so much dust. So there’s always always always something that needs to be cleaned. I’m desperate to move out but finally just replaced J’s 20 year old car so much of the savings went to the down payment. We live in Orange County and it’s just a difficult time to try and find a reasonably priced place to live.

I work in special education which wasn’t my plan, but last year the principal asked me to as a favor so I did. Even though I had no experience in special ed, it’s been alright for the most part. My schedule has changed about 8 times at random and they pull me to work wherever is needed, including things that were not in my job description. I have to be an expert on my 7 kids that I am with throughout the day. 4 of the kids are in a class where I hate the teachers management style, and that has led to a lot of disrespect from his students (not my kids) when I’m in there. Nothing gets done about this. I hate the new principal who is a raging jerk and think he’s gods gift to this earth. I don’t think I’ll stay past this year, if I make it through this year.

Earlier this year I decided I had to leave Mormonism. This has been one of the most devastating things in my life to experience. It felt like this was no longer my home, that they were becoming more extreme in beliefs that I couldn’t agree with or reconcile, that my personal beliefs didn’t align with them - the place where I learned my sense of integrity. It’s a strange thing to comprehend. Then after a lot of uncomfortable research, I realized it wasn’t true. I think there are so few experiences in life where you realize that everything is a lie, and I never expected my religion to be one of them. That has led to so much grief and an identity crisis, because the beliefs of Mormonism are so deeply intertwined with your sense of identity, how you move throughout the world, how you see others, what you think is coming after this life, what the purpose of anything is. I don’t have many answers now. I don’t know what this life is all for and must now create my own meaning. I’m also in the process of deconstructing the ways I’ve been hurt by sexuality and a strict purity culture and how this has affected my relationship with my husband. Mormonism also informs my sense of community so I’m not quite sure how to develop one outside of the church and I’m lonely at times. But the worst part is that I don’t feel like I can be honest and tell my family about it, because I am afraid of the way they will treat me, or how our relationship will change. The idea of love, in Mormonism, is somewhat conditional, so I have no idea how they will accept this news, and the ways I will disappoint them.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder around this time in 2020 after a difficult year. During a recent first time meeting with a psychiatrist, she informed me that she wasn’t sure this diagnosis was correct. I have often wondered this myself, which has been uncomfortable to think that you’re making things up about yourself, like it’s for attention. She thinks I could have a lesser version of it, as more people are starting to view bipolar as a spectrum, but at the very least, she says it’s some sort of mood disorder. All I know is that several times a year, I think I’m going insane. I try my damndest to keep my emotions under control, and wish I could get credit for how hard I try to be nice to others and to not destroy my own life regularly.

It’s not bad all the time. Some beautiful light is shining through the window right now. I live somewhere that keeps me warm at night and relatively safe. I have people who love me, even if they live far away. I’m listening to good music. Christmas is coming. I’m working on our room with holiday decorations so I can enjoy them. My car is running. We have food to eat. In this moment I am happy to get this all off my chest and give myself space to realize that I am sad about a lot of things, both yearning and contented. That is life, I suppose.

[nathank77]

5/16/24

6:16 p.m Edited/ Added to 6:26 p.m

I fell asleep fast on the half MG of xanax and a hydroxyzine 25MG around 7 a.m or 7:15 a.m. I woke up at like 2:30. I didn't sleep after that despite trying but I didn't want to take Benadryl and miss therapy. So I gave up around 3:30 p.m

So i had therapy at 4:45 p.m. I haven't heard back about the Kristen complaint. Yesterday and some of today I've had horrible flashbacks to Nala and to just psychosis.

Last night I basically watched family guy all night. Today idk what to do. I was going to do laundry but my mother always hogs the machines... and I haven't been able to use a towel to dry off for like 3 days so far...

I got to shower and shave my head but I may skip it. I showered yesterday and shaved my face..

I might try to see if I can get the hdcp bypasser to work before I return it back to Walmart and then buy another one from Ebay or just try to buy a regular hdmi splitter and see if that allows the, "handshake" but idk...

Also I might play fc2 or fc4 but idk. My clippers are Contaminated bc of contact with puss.... for at least another 7 days.. maybe I'll shave with a razor instead. I don't want to wash my clippers or use hand sanitizer as they rust them...

I may just watch family guy all day. I'm fucking lonely and I'm thinking about going back to Stacey. She's pretty. She's crazy and she will take me as I am. We can have kids cause she has money. She saves and is great with money. She saved up for a 60k car and paid out of pocket.

I mean I won't be happy but at least I'll have someone to talk to everyday and video chat or talk on the phone with once a day and I'll have someone to spend my weekends with...

Beyond that I don't expect to find anyone and actually be happy. Maybe I was right 10 years ago when I thought, about breaking up with her but my other thought was- what if I can't find someone else to love me?

Idk. I'm getting desperate. Not desperate enough to truly settle. I won't be settling on appearance.... I'll be settling on personality.. and the fact that she made more than a few transphobic remarks..

But I mean I have a feeling I'll be settling no matter what. Whether it's a life of loneliness or a life with Stacey or some other girl i haven't met yet.

Stacey was thoughtful and wrote sweet things to me. It fulfilled one of my love languages and she takes my mom as she is and loves her. She loves my dad. She was a part of the family. Most people can't stand my mother and can't stand my sister. She didn't like my sister but I'm sure they could put that in the past. It's a real consideration.

Me and Stacey could do artifical insemination. I could be on a birth certificate as the father. She would take my last name. We could get a house. She'd be fine with me being a stay at home dad. I mean it could work.

Also I have my disability appt tomorrow at 1:30 p.m. I'm going to take melatonin 2MG, hydroxyzine 25MG, and 1MG of xanax at around 4 a.m.... I hope I fall asleep fast and wake up around 12 or 12:30. If I can make it I might go to New Hampshire after bc it'll be done at 2:30 p.m and I could get out the door by 3 p.m or 3:30 the latest...

I'm anxious I wont wake up on time or fall asleep fast enough... if I don't I'll reschedule and I'll go grocery shopping and do new Hampshire Saturday unless I wake up at like 2:30 and then I may go to new Hampshire anyways cause I never wake up that early with 7 hours of sleep.

I'm going to try not to worry about it as I can always reschedule and I'll make it work eventually but I truly hope I can do it tomorrow and see how much back pay I'm entitled to and hopefully get it for June 1st.

[fruitybugboy]

My car got repossessed and i had to go to my parents for help to get it back and though they are reasonably pissed with me about it:

• i wanted a used car but when i was buying due to situations out of my control that were NOT my fault i needed a cosigner and my parents wouldnt do it unless i got a brand new car, they would not budge so i was saddled with a $500 a month car payment i had to pay alone.

• i told them repeatedly i was behind on payments asked them to help me with one month so the car wouldnt be repossessed they said no (as is their right i know they have their own expenses)

• the car was repossessed the day after i got paid and was about to make a payment to get me out of the red zone

• they told me not to take out a loan to cover the car payments and to just go to them for help. Almost everytime i did this they would ignore me or tell me no and i’d be forced to choose to either feed myself and my partner and pay our rent or pay the car. My partner was unemployed for almost two months while actively looking for work so i was the only source of income and they knew this information, i obviously chose a roof over our heads and food over the car. My parents are directly mad at me for this choice.

• they, knowing i have severe anxiety especially when ignored by them (due to past trauma of them doing this multiple times to me) have decided to vaguely threaten me and then ignore every message i have sent since.

• they have vaguely threatened to make me move back home (i am a 24 year old adult, with a partner) i will not do this because i am an adult and they also do not respect my identity as a trans man or a queer person in general

• they told me before the radio silence they will contact me when they have thought of a good enough “consequence for my actions”

• my actions that need consequences are me not paying the car payment so i could stay housed and fed, asking for help, being too poor for a car payment they didnt really give me a choice in despite knowing i couldnt afford it.

• i from the moment of finding out i needed their help with the repossession costs have fully intended on paying them back the full amount no matter how long it takes

I know i fucked up my parents finances and my mothers credit score with this i know that, i feel awful, i also know and have expressed that though they have said they “did not do this for me” but to save their own finances, that i know how extremely lucky and fortunate i am that they were able and willing to help me even indirectly. What i cant get over is how shitty they are treating me about this. I thought my relationship with my parents had gotten a lot better but i feel like im in highschool again just shutting down so they can scream at me until theyre done, and then being ignored like i dont exist at all hntil they are ready to scream at me some more.

I logically know they cannot do anything to me but make me pay them back but the fear response i have to their intense anger is making me miserable and ive begun to break out in stress caused eczema hives on my hands.

I know i fucked up but i dont spend frivolously, i dont eat out, i havent bought myself anything in months except clothes that i bought at work on sale with my employee discount because i didnt have anything work appropriate that didnt have holes or stains (a necessary purchase bc i work in clothing retail and have to “represent the brand”) all of my money goes directly to bills and food i dont know what i could have done that i didnt already do other than pull out loans behind their back to cover the car which they also would have been pissed at me for.

[wanderrlust0]

i hung out with snow and 2 of their friends for their bday (2 dozen anni celebration) and it was a lot of fun!

we got to the city around 3:15 and walked to ktown. we went to this bakery they all usually go to and they had so many tasty treats, i wanted to try them all! i got a strawberry bouchee & snow got us this strawberry refresher thats kind of carbonated but it was good! it had pieces of strawberries in it so it was cute. then we walked to kinokuniya which is this huge japanese store filled with books,magazines,manga, stationery, plushies,toys,collectables, &moreeee. it had 3 stories!!! there was soo much to look at & i def wanna go back!! i told the bestie about it & she wants to go! (i didnt realize how close it was to bryant park as well. like i totally wouldve went there last time i was in bryant park if i knewww.) we were in there for like an hr. i bought a spirited away japanese book & a cute pop up holiday card for myself bc i liked the art. i wanted a small spirited away book but they only had the big one and the book that shows miyazakis sketches. i feel like i shouldve just gotten that one, even tho it was more money..maybe on my next trip. afterwards, we went to muji, then the nintendo store. so snows friends are very much gamers. well, they allll are lol & theyre into kpop, conventions, etc so theyre quite diff from my friend group but they were very nice! & they were already talking about stuff like how i have to see their friends room bc she has cool things and how they’ll force me & snow to watch the live action.. demon slayer mugen train musical…lolll yes that. we then went backkk to ktown to eat at abiko curry, which is a spot they go to a lot. it was my first time trying it and omg it was sooo good, i ate it all. ive never had korean curry so i thought it was so cool that i could add a pork chop to it and it was crispy! it was so satisfying lol it was like our first real meal of the day at 8:30. im gonna be thinking about that curry for a whilee. afterwards, we were gonna go to this place called starbucks reserve, which is like a very fancy coffee shop/bar, but we realized we wouldnt have enough time so were saving it for some other time. we got gelato that was nearby and they had such cool flavors!! lychee, guava, plum.. i got a scoop of ube and thai iced tea and they went perfect together omg i want it again. i didnt know how thai iced tea gelato would taste but it tasted exactlyyy like the drink so it was so refreshing after our curry meal. after gelato we went back to the bakery to pick up things we wanted to take home with us. we didnt get on the train until 10:30 so we got home later than i thought & i was soso tired the next morning bc i had to wake up early but it was worth it lol. oh yeah! i forgot to mention but i gave snow their bday gift & card in the car so they opened the gift before we walked to the train station and !!! they loved it so much they criedddd D; it was sweet and also shocking and funny bc like!! i didnt mean to make you cry omggg loll for context, the gift was a framed drawing i made of inumaki from jujutsu kaisen and so they said thats its literally the best gift theyve ever gotten, mostly due to it being handmade and i was like WhaTttt no wayyy. the best gift youve ever gotten?!? they knew i was gonna draw something already bc they didnt want me to buy a gift & wanted something handmade like my art but ofc they didnt know what id draw & didnt really expect me to draw Him. they saved the card for our train ride home bc when they first opened it in the car & saw so many words they couldnt read it yet lol. when snow was on their way to my house they realized they forgot my gift (for my bday) and i was like MY Gift!!?! i really dont know what it could even be… it was fun spending time with them and i feel like its a nice change to hangout with a different friend group. idk like something about it feels fun and refreshing & just different. ofc it depends how comfortable i feel with everyone. but yeahhh, it was a good day & i got to try a lot of yummi foods

(my bracelet fell off and idk where it went:(( it could be somewhere in my room or my bfs room.. i dont believe it fell off at work.. or the shower..but i dont wanna think about thatD: it wasnt really a sentimental one i guess.. but it was like a good bracelet..& old.. &cute:( im hoping it shows uppppp!!!!)

[certifiedsoundwavesimp]

I absolutely hate my life and I resent existing.

My parents bought a new house recently and it was in a lil bad condition so we have to renovate a bit around the house. So obviously that cost money.

They always fight over the house. Every time one of them mentions money or the house they start fighting. It's not new to me, they've always been like that. But now it just gets so out of control. I still say nothing.

They spend a lot on the house and materials and furniture, and they need to save a lot too and I just want to help them but I can't because I'm too young to do anything or help and I hate it. I absolutely hate it.

But today, we went to buy some more materials, then went to get some Chinese take out. We decided to go to the house and maybe do a lil work there and eat a bit there instead of in the car. So we get there and I get to the kitchen. There was a drawing of a dick on the wall, drawn by my dad's permanent marker which he leaves at the house. So I look around for more vandalism, which was around three other walls in the house. I was really stressed bc I was wondering how ppl got in. We don't know for sure but we think someone jumped the fence in the back and got in using the backdoor which was open after my dad checked. My mom went to the house the last time so maybe she forgot to close the door. We dk

So then I end up stressing out so much more that I just had it. I started saying how this house never brought anything good and how I hate everything and everyone in the estate to my mom and then she ended up asking why and then I just couldn't hold it in anymore and my voice cracked and I almost cried (but no tears fell so ig I am a lil happy cuz I hate crying) and I walked away. Now I'm writing this and my parents are downstairs fighting a lil but they stopped now ig idk.

[dnalkaline]

I don't even know why the fuck I try anymore.

It feels like everything important to me always feels the need to be ripped out in the worst way possible.

Every time I try saving up for a vacation or to go to an event I've always wanted to go to, I end up having some kind of freak accident or health issue that makes me pay out the ass from the money I saved up and then if I can still go I basically have to walk around broke.

And the worst part is, after I nearly died because my dad refuses to ever do checkups on his car and assured me the brakes etc. were completely fine (despite that thing being a death trap), he keeps refusing responsibility and keeps going "it was fine :/// idk what happened" despite literally everyone who looked at the car report said that if I tried to drive home that night, my car WOULD have had the tie rod snap and the rusted breaks would have immediately caused me to spin out of control on the highway and probably kill me. It's like he doesn't even care. He didn't have any reaction when he was told about this. I almost started crying because he's supposed to be the "good" parent but... idk. It always feels like people SAY they care about me just to make themselves feel better but people rarely actually SHOW they do.

Being in poverty would be enough but my life just feels the need to be gut punch after gut punch. I lose inheritance that was promised to me that would immediately make my life insanely easier at the drop of a hat just bc the person (has repeatedly) decided to change their mind and sell it for themself or give it to someone else. Everyone I've ever truly loved IRL as family has been taken from me and released from this mortal coil. And now with my brain disease I'm starting to lose the only thing I ever really prided myself on- my mind.

After the pandemic made everyone's finances eat shit, nobody wants my art anymore (right when I was starting to gain some traction!) and I have to spend my time bending over backwards for a bunch of really demanding gig work that I didn't even really have a choice in doing.

I'm too disabled to work a "real" job but too mentally competent that I got denied and even if I do EVENTUALLY win it could take years to get SSI and my rights as a human being will be limited. I used to try to put my foot in the door for like webcomic startups and shit like that as a contracted worker and every single time I get hired the company goes under and I barely have anything to show for it. I want to submit to the local art gallery to maybe get my works out there and possibly find someone who wants to buy them but there's a fee to it and I just. idk.

I keep trying to make myself feel better and less "useless" by donating old stuff or giving it to friends who might need it. And usually this helps but. I don't know. I don't even know how to talk to people about this because to be honest my therapist is kind of stumped on how to help me now. Like she's trying her best and she does have good advice it's just there's only so much you can do when there are circumstances out of your control beating the shit out of you constantly. And I can't afford to be sent to the mental hospital and even if I WAS, the last time I was there was so traumatizing due to the racism and negligence that I don't want to go back.

Maybe it would be better if I had some IRL friends to hang out with more but most of the guys I would hang out with either committed suicide or I stopped talking to them because I realized that I wasn't being treated very well. I don't know what to do. My therapist assures me I'm constantly just being dealt a bad hand of cards and I'm doing my best but I don't care anymore. I hate being alive. I hate my life so much.

I don't even know why the fuck I'm writing this. I guess I just want it to be known *somewhere* that I haven't been very well for a very long time and if I just randomly disappear one day you can all probably guess what happened. I'm not going to do anything stupid tonight but I've been fighting the urge near-daily for the past few months while trying to pretend I can keep making it through. I don't know. I just want everything to stop I wish miracles were real. I hate how you can fight depression and suicide ideation for over a decade and it feels like it's never gets much better.

It doesn't help I keep having this OCD fear that I'm going to die before my next birthday and all the stuff lately is freaking me out.

I'm crying too hard to keep typing and looking at what im typing so idk if you read all this thanks ill probably feel better after a nap or something but everything just feles so fucking exhausting

[croissantbae]

June 19, 2023. This weekend was so full I can’t believe it. It was 2 fast 2 furious.

Friday: had dinner for hatty’s birthday at Laredo or lorato. Whatever trudy. And the food was surprisingly delicious!! First time I’ve enjoyed the food that much in a while. Then we didn’t want the fun to end so we sat in paiks car after feeling weird in a boba shop and just all poured our hearts out. The three words thing for the bday girl is truly so great. I could feel how loved hatty felt from it and it felt very nice to witness. Seriously though I think all of us left that night feeling a burst of love for each other individually and for the group as a collective. It reminded me so much of the types of hangouts the GGs would have growing up.

Saturday: naya really didn’t want to go to vbs because she said she can’t do what she wants to do but she has to do what they tell her. But I had nothing planned for that day (I actually canceled my volunteer thing bc I didn’t realize we couldn’t just drop them off at vbs but had to go w them). So we said let’s just try going and if u really don’t like it we can leave. She ended up having so much fun she didn’t want to go home. At first there was a service and at the end everyone took one of those gigantic group photos. There was the body worship dance things by the youth and a time of praise. Everything just felt so wholesome. Jason was like if they’re trying to convert us… I’m all in. It was just so family friendly and the kids ministry was 🔥. After there was lunch and then a festival. They got to do games, go in a bounce house, eat cotton Candy, there was some bombbbbb ddeokbokki wifh a spicy version for adults and non spicy for kids. It was a blast. It was kind of hot tho so they had an indoor portion that was a laser show and it was perfect for cooling down. The teachers were also so sweet. They came by to all say hi to Dani and say how cute she is. It wS just nice thst they remembered them even tho we don’t go to the church. We went bc Edenhurst kids get to go free.

After vbs we went down to Fullerton and had dinner w Jason’s mom and step dad. It was really nice to hang out for the first time all together in what felt like a long time. Just like how Dani and Shiloh are sort of frenemies I feel like Dani and Rowan are too lol.

Sunday: we went back down to Fullerton for Father’s Day w Jason’s dad. We went swimming even though temp reallt cooled down (well, when I say we I mean the dads and kids went swimming). Then we ate gogi and veggies and bap (always getting good hot links at their house. It’s the perfect level of spice). Jason’s dad got the girls books and Nayas were workbooks. She did them the entire time the car ride up. She loooves them. It was so nice just spending more time at Eileen’s and Jordon’s in Fullerton and seeing Rowan playing w the girls. On the way back home I picked up a few things I bought from facebook marketplace. (1) kinetic sand for $3. Jason was like how much sand are you buying? A cup full? And o was like no no the pic seemed like a lot! 25 pounds. We’ll be saving like $50. I get there and it’s like maybe a few pounds… lol. (2) princess standing things we can use as backdrops for the party. When we took it to my moms house nay wouldn’t stop carrying it and playing with it. I’m starting to get concerned magbe the princess thing is getting out of hand. Jimmy was like you know what this is? Idolatry. Humans basic instinct to worship something lol.

We had dinner at my moms for Father’s Day and man she over cooked some ribs so it was tough to eat but everything else was good.

Monday: went to the mall and exploded Nayas mind going shopping. First we went to Zara but my mom said there was something she wanted to buy her at Bloomingdales so we go and the dresses are freaking $200 plus. I was like omg. Nay tried on 3 diff kinds and I was like choose one. But my mom was like no no you can choose two. Naya had a hard time picking and we ended up buying all 3 (but partially so that the girls could share rather than buying two of the same for each of them). When we got home I ordered cheaper dresses and let the kids plAY In the nice Bloomingdales ones but took careful care to keep the tags on bc my mom HAS TO RETURN IT.

[swampdrive]

just sat dwn and zoned out for abt 20 mins when I SHOULD BE WORKING