#bc its not just her own time anymore..... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

microwaving-tesilid-argente · 1 year

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thinking about the ring at the funeral (did he leave it behind for her was he waiting for her) the way he complains to people about how she never visits (he was definitely hoping), the way so many scenes where he shows up are so tender and soft, "collecting strange magic is my hobby (what i spend all my time doing) because someone was happy to see it", the flower crown at the end of the OP, "I WANTED TO SEE UNDER HER SKIRT TOO!!" (?!?!?!!!?!??), "i wanted to see the sunrise with all of us together"

#mimin watches frieren #also the way all three of them never bothered to try to convince her to stay #bc they know she simply would not understand why. she would not be happy to stay around for them as she was #and the way they asked nonetheless 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔#also the way frieren gifts fern bday gifts every year since the um. priest died #cute.....#crying my eyes out.....#the way she now takes care to not spend too long on one thing #bc its not just her own time anymore.....#anyway himmel is ridiculous #whats wrong with him #the way they made him such a fun character even tho hes so dead tho UGH #i love chars who haunt the narrative

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faaun · 3 months

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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao

#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her #and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that #bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control #AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern #which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have #become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and #then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see #the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then #immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now #hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him #she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women #bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely #fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are #capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the #like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond #or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to #feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe #months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time #its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like #there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she #wouldnt show up and ive been right each time #like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at #them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all #anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it #and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy #and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way #its just AUSHD AUGH #anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore

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vacantgodling · 2 months

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not to be weird and sappy on main, but frfr i'm so glad i have found a community of people who think my work is good

#talking #to the tags if you want the longer rant that maybe i'll talk about fully one day #tl;dr when i was in hs i was with my ex that i think ive mentioned like once or twice #there was a lot of shit wrong with that relationship and us and me at the time #but the thing that happened after we broke up which was the worst was her saying i was passionless #because in her mind i wasn't 'trying hard enough'#didn't help that she was super talented in art (even if thinking about it now its way too disney for my taste tbh)#and seemingly had her life together bc she had a super cool supportive mom #(wish i could've gotten her in the divorce tm)#and tbh that haunted me for YEARS #i stopped drawing for years after being with her #i didn't really pick up drawing HARD again until 2020 #and i didn't really work on many of my own wips #just kinda poked at the ashes of the wips i got in the divorce (which funnily enough i don't use anymore. used the ocs but not the plots)#i was just so fucked up about it #but seeing y'all comment that you like my writing and my art #having people say that my worldbuilding is fire and passionate #idk it heals the part of me that died that day #so thank you all from the bottom of my soul #whenever y'all are kind enough to compliment me the hole mends even more #so idk i was just thinkin about it like bro the difference between me then and now is night and day #in part to all my lovely friends and mutuals #so yeah idk thank u i'm gonna go back in me corner again

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lilcathsmith · 3 months

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Greg in every episode of CSI (87/328) • Down The Drain •

#csi #greg sanders #nick stokes #sara sidle #warrick brown #gil grissom #catherine willows #csi s5 #csi 5x02 #there he is! my favourite white boy!#own post #mine: every episode #ok time to talk about Greg and Sara #i love them. not only are they my favourite duo in the whole show I have to argue that s5 is one of their best seasons for their friendship #Greg's crush on Sara is out of the way which leaves so much space for their platonic relationship to grow. their flirting/teasing is #so playful and completely lowstakes. Greg isn't trying to win over Sara anymore they're just having a good time and banter-ing #in episode 14 (i think?) after Sara gets suspended and Greg asks what happened she says she doesnt want to talk about it #and greg says hes a good listener Sara explains (briefly) and then they just move on is so wholesome its such an under-rated moment for the #and when he's like “Sara's been suspended? we have to help” is just so ultimate ride or die bestie #but what I think it most important is that whilst Grissom/Cath teach Greg how to actually BE a CSI and how to do the job Sara teaches him #how to DEAL with the job. like in this ep with Gregs first autopsy Sara asks how he found it and you just know that if Greg was more freake #by it she would allow him to say that without just being like “thats the job get on with it” which maybe some of the others would? and that #why I think Greg still has such a heart to the job. flash forward to s15 when the girl attacks Greg because shes been drugged and he gets S #SAD because he felt bad about not being able to help and calm her down I feel like thats bc of Sara :“)#anyway long stort short Greg and Sara are the best platonic pairing in CSI and i love them

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opens-up-4-nobody · 6 months

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#tis i! tragic daughter one of three!#motherless at age 26 #the last wake was today and this was more fun than the 1st. more casual. my moms childhood friends were there #ans it was fun to catch up with my uncle and his side of the family #i feel so weird tho. bc ppl r asking how we r and like genuinely i feel fine most of the time #like my sister is like: i sacrificed so much for my mom and i saw her downslide into death #and im like yea i fucked off to [redacted state] and showed uo after the horrible part was over #and bc im finally on medication i really feel better than i have possibly ever. so its just weird #weird to br at my mother's wake and think: god ive wasted so much fucking time being miserable. i dont want to do that anymore #and i feel like thats an option now. i mean ill always be frustrated by the same things. the difficulty reading and focusing #and the lack of social ease. but it feels like less of a big deal now #i say that now before im entrenched in school again. but idk. its just weird #but idk i love my mom but there was distance there and i have weird insect brain which i think makes it hurt less #i dunno. maybr ill feel it more later. when im on my own again #its just that i never reached out to her. i didnt realy on her and she didnt reach out to me so now things won't change much #i dunno. well see #unrelated

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toytulini · 7 months

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i know doctor who has never been Perfect, and i love capaldi, i love twelve, but christ alive its a hard watch sometimes

#toy txt post #they just made him so egregiously and blatantly RACIST? like to the point where im like was this like? an on purpose characterization #choice that i just strongly disagree with? or like? is it a consequence of the writers trying to be less racist by including more #characters of color but failing by not checking their own implicit biases so now not only is the doctor racist but like. egregiously so bc #theres so many more opportunities for him to be racist? like just #and if youre sitting here like hes not!!! how dare you: pay attention to the difference in how he treats characters of color vs white chars #he hates soldiers. okay fine thats been fairly consistent. okay but 12 RLY hates them. he hates them so much he cant stand Claras bf Danny #who should be the doctors like ideal soldier bc he was a soldier who didnt want to be anymore and just wants to chill and do good in the #world and for ppl to be safe so hes just a nice math teacher and the doctor calls him stupid and treats him as if hes fucking rambo? but #the doctor is largely fine with: kate lethbridge stewart? hes fine with ogood who may not be a soldier in her own right but shes actively #participating in UNIT as a scientist in a way thats way more ~soldiery~ than anything Danny is doing? and like they clearly wanted that to #be a point of tension to point out the doctors hypocrisy of how the doctor is like a high ranking officer/general whatever #and like thats fine and fair to point out but it just sucks that they do all that and dont seem ti realize how fuckijg racist they wrote #him? he was fucking besties with winston goddamn churchill but he refuses whatshername. journey blue? as a companion bc #shes a soldier. well bro you could make her not a soldier by removing her from the fucking battlefield maybe instead of getting morally #outraged about it? not to mention noticing how when he goes from '900 yrs of space and time and ive never met anyone who wasnt important'#wandering around being fine with UNIT apparently declaring him dictator of earth in emergencies (HELLO?) but dont worry he'll let us know #he disapproves by picking some random UNIT guy to be a really condescending asshole to. pay no attention to the fact that this UNIT #guy happens to be another character of color. ~the 12th doctor is too faceblind you cant call him racist~ well for a guy who cant tell #humans apart from sontarans his accidentaly racism beam is off the charts. its crazy. god #god i wish he'd gotten written better than this #when they do write him good they write him good. but godddddddd its so #doctor who

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mouseratz · 3 days

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"Bruce being violently protective of Selina" she doesn't need all that. she's fine at protecting herself nine times out of ten and, generally, fiercely independent (which has been one of the major obstacles between them). she also probably doesn't super love the fact that he can be violent & extremely reactive (in many stories saving her female friends or being fiercely protective of them because of the violence, which is also often of a sexual nature, that they face). just a hunch... I don't think she'd be like all that into it even though the superhero stuff obviously is sexy/cool at times right. she usually is less playing "oh woe is me damsel in distress" and more so playing "I'm being bad and you should chase me about it". let's be real. the dynamic is wrong if youre looking at the first one

#not that like. fiction cant be toxic and unhealthy right. and honestly they are. but to do it like this is So Boring and Sucks #just imo. peak batcat is returns. shes ANGRY that she could be saved by him. RESENTFUL of his privilege & wealth.#even though she knows hes a good man and finds his career as the dark knight super exciting. its not about attraction.#its about how unfair it all is. she has to be bad not bc she even did anything wrong. but bc a man had more power than her #bc shed spent her whole life trying to please men romantically.....and only now does she find love #she loves him. but she also believes its too late for her. and she doesnt want to be saved.#she did want to be saved a long time ago. before she died. before her life was revealed as meaningless to the ppl around her.#but she cant be that girl anymore. theres something dark and wrong festering inside her because of what shes been through.#and he cant make that go away.#and maybe she doesnt want it to go away. its what finally gave her the strength to stand on her own anyway.#and he doesnt understand this. he never could. hes always been a valuable man treated as a whole person by everyone around him.#this is why they have a really interesting push and pull

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apostase · 14 days

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patch 7 is pissing me off so im taking away leuthere's face tattoo

(he's pretty so it's fine) (tw for eye contact below) (try not to smile blush or giggle /ref)

#out.#rip face tattoo your uniqueness will be missed #tbh it makes more sense for it to have been face paint her always wore Back Then #that he stopped wearing after Thee First Death bc he couldnt be arsed to do it anymore #the way none of the tats or even makeup works rip to the dark bags under his eyes too :/#at least i got everything else to work hehehehe #the most important were the head and the death knight class so!#the head im using already comes w eyebags but they arent DEEP enough. leuthere is undead his eyes are Sunk #could i have stayed on patch 6? yes. did i have to make it so difficult for myself? no. i will be taking no further questions #im not even mad atp im just laughing bc of how many times ive changed lee's design #this time its larians fault ☝️#i will make him his Own simple lil carrd soon mayhaps

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oetscop · 3 months

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lonely and depressed > i do drugs > they reduce me to a walking corpse with nothing to offer another human being > it makes me lonely and depressed > i do drugs to cope > they reduce me to a walking corpse with nothing to offer another person > it makes me lonely and depressed > i do drugs to cope > they reduce me to a walking corpse with nothing to offer another person > it makes me lonely and depressed > i do drugs to cope > they reduce me to a walking corpse with nothing to offer another person > it makes me lonely and depressed >

#tongue #over and over again #it only gets worse when i realize im only doing the shit to myself that i am is bc nobody actually cares #im a stranger a coworker some random artist on tumblr #nobody notices #even my own mom but yall know how infeel about her #shes not my mom #if she was she would know #but she isnt #i go days without talking to my friends and they just expect this of me #i cannot end the cycle by myself but the cycle is why im alone #i cant remember the last time someone hugged me #i dont know how to be single even tho i have been for three years now #my last three partners were all long term relationships and i lived with two of thrm #i cant casual date and im too braindead and gross to even make a new bumble or tinder #but i cant just date strangers #its like nobody knows me anymore and thats entirely my fault

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raksh-writes · 4 months

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Ive spent most of yesterday doing all my uni stuff for finals and a couple hours today too, and I should be doing much more, but I can actually feel my brain giving out on me rn. Im starting to develop a headache and that's very much Not ideal. I have A Lot to do and not a lot of time to do it, ughh...

Forcing usually doesn’t work on me though, so even though my anxiety will prob have a field day, I guess I'll try to take a break, maybe play some Skyrim, maybe write a lil' more fanfic if my head feels better, and who knows, if in the evening it feels up to it, I can try to add some more to that big project Im trying to finish or start on a presentation for a different class. Either would be nice, but if its not possible tonight, then I guess I just gotta hope taking a break today will help me get back at it tomorrow.

Here's to hoping!

#personal #Raksh's studying adventures #uni stuff #Raksh posts #Im not even gonna think about my thesis #gotta write to my supervisor prof about it tomorrow #tell her where I am with it and ask about a deadline because I might not make it #and whats her outlook on that #I doubt she'll refuse to pass if if we have anything to show for the chapter but still better to ask #for my own anxiety levels at least #ugh today is not a good day #and the time is running out but oh well #life I guess #there's stormy clouds outside but so far no rain and quite hot and humid #so that might be contributing to me feeling unwell #Im not good with changing weather #especially if its in this weird inbetween state #when it hopefully finally rains it should get better for me but we'll see #for now Im gonna hop into Skyrim and my new save #(bcs I could with EE Kaidan anymore and had to go back to the OG version with some ooold voice addons)#(where they were still just the OG lines that were not working - I think - and some fixes to the og mod)#plus Im actually trying to RP more rn #kinda with my fic in mind 😂#so Im starting with the Thevies Guild and making my way towards Kaidan more 'naturally'#and I'll go into the main story after I get him ^^#anyway gonna end the rambles here #and go relax to the sounds and sights of Skyrim ^^

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waheedawolf · 7 months

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#the day was going so well until my mom decided to be mean to me for no reason in a piblic space where i was already feeling scared and over #stimulated. i wanted to try out the skateboards in decathlon but there were too many people and i got scared. and my mom suddenly said that #the skateboard that she was going to buy for me after/on my birthday. she had decided to buy now. since we were alr in theshop and i said no #way bec i hadnt decided which one i wanted yet and i was soo panicked. and then after some time when id calmed down a bit and was gonna try #to skate anyways she started questioning me abt when i planned on peacticing and where i was gonna do it and i obviously just started saying #things that i thought she would approve of. and then she told me i didnt have the time management skills or resolve to make it work. and she #just kept on passive aggressively bullying me until i just couldnt do it anymore and i told her i wanted go leave the store bc she was #spoiling the mood. and then she started bullying me louder and she told me to stop blaming her bc she was only asking me a question and she #didn't want to waste any more money on things that i wasnt gonna do even though ive wanted a skateboard for years now and have been actively #asking her for months. and i just lost my emergy and my appetite and i wanted to leave the mall and go home but insteaf she gook us to a #bagel place that ive been trying to get her to take us even though i felt like throwing up before we even left the mall and i told her i #didnt want to go there. and my brother even told her that she was ruining things for everyone. and he still ended up blaming me in the end.#but whatever. i kept getting flashbacks to insanely traumatic moments where shed yelled at or bullied me or cornered me or tried to #embarass me in public. and this is most likely my last year at home. and my last year of childhood. and its all going to be remembered in my #brain as underwhelming and depressing and mostly horrible. and im going to leave home and never cone back and my last year at home is going #to be just as shitty as every other year and ill just have to deal with that and try to build something good and new and kind when i leave #she shouldnt speak to her own children like this. she shouldnt be looking for reasons to make things miserable for me all the time like this #i should study. my head hurts. my entire body hurts so bad #delete later

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garlique · 8 months

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i don't know if my parents are actually nicer to me now or if i just have built up enough skin to not be as afraid of them anymore but like. why couldn't they be nice to me like this when i LIVED with them!!

#honestly its a big part of why i try to see them as little as possible because i KNOW #the less they see me the nicer they are to me #and like i kind of get it bc i moved so far away Every time my parents and i see each other its a vacation #and they dont have to put up w me every day anymore #but it just makes me feel so goddamn. hateable. you know ??#my dad used to yell at me all the time for playing music in the kitchen while he was working #and like Not ask me kindly to lower the volume or anything it would just be Hey Kid Shut The Music Off yelled across th house #but now in our airbnb im playing music while hes working and i keep turning it down bc im Scared #but i can hesr him on calls and he hasn't said anything #like i GET IT !!!! I GET IT!!!!#its a lot different to put up with a kid for 10 days a year than it is 365 days a year #but do they really love me more now ?? why ?? and why the hell couldn't they love me like this at home #i just feel so goddamn annoying and hateable and stupid if my own PARENTS only like hanging out one week a year #and will the fear ever go away ?? ever??#the last time i saw my mom in person she joked about how i used to be so scared of getting in trouble #i dont know why i was scared of her but i sure was !! terrifying !!#ugh okay i have to stop crying and be normal #rant over i love my parents and im so normal

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silverislander · 1 year

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it's times like these i wish i could actually draw well bc i have MULTIPLE characters who would fit the barbie mugshot meme so well... ivara and min, cal and idgie, alice and benji...

#ivara and min esp bc they are Literally criminals. they did murder and space treason and are in space prison for it currently #(so's cal but she never got caught for her shit lmfaooo)#atom river TECHNICALLY didnt do anything but they did summon a demon and cheat at the battle of the bands. hashtag problematic faves #levi.txt #for reference: ivara (killswitch) is trying to pretend shes still a Good Soldier and is terrified shes lost her sense of self #min on the other hand hides in the ship vents for fun and tries to convince other convicts they can hear god. also really likes fireworks #like. she REALLY likes fireworks. as in shes not allowed to Have fireworks anymore legally #idgie (dnd side character) is a goody two shoes who helps her uncle out running the local temple #cal is a con artist by trade whos been poor her entire life. has run from guards more times than she can count + has A Nemesis in the guar #benji (atom river) might be in a punk band but hes such a normal dude. hes just a regular man hes just a nice guy he doesnt want this #alice is the reason its a punk band in the first place. thinks hair dye and doing her own piercings counts as therapy. drummer #alice is the reason atom river summoned a fucking demon together and benji is the ONLY reason they survived it #i know nobody cares abt them but me <3 idc tho theyre my sillies

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catchmewjsn · 10 months

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#honestly they moved me to a different office right now so im not alone in my place anymore and tbh i should not be complaining bc at least #this one gets warn fast and im not in the open first to call usually and all but idk i feel like an intruder there and miss having lots of #place and the fact noone seen my screen etc and just overall i would prefer sitting next to the guys but also 😶 idk i just dont like anyone #hearing my phone calls etc and also i fucked up at work today BADLY but noone knows yet and this sounds like i fuck up a lot but i always #called the smaller mistakes this too i guess shskd also i almsof argued with a man who's our client on the phone but for gods sake i do know #i am right and idk if he's making me feel stupid or something or is he using one of my mistakes for his own good idk idk idk it will be a #nightmare to make this work now #and also we are having some kind of meeting with food etc tomorrow in the office upstairs but also rhe atmosphere is so not it and dudes not #at work tomorrow and he should be the one in there and like idk it all works like a fucked up chaos i also almost argued with the d irector #today bc of this lmao almost on dude's behalf bc tht waa the situation that pissed me off first #and i got to walk or catch a bus home tomorrow and like my mind does work so fast and keeps overthinking lately 😕#walking isnt the best best for me tbh #also i made plans with my friend and i do hope i open to her during the weekend bc i want to talk about everything so badly but at the same #time idk like i cant talk about personal things anymore (except here) she doesn't know what is making w suffer 😔#i think i made a decision about monday tho not the best one but both were bad so at least here i am...#anyone i am still helpless and that's what the sentence will end at bc i don't want to say the same thing again and again and again #anywya i have to delete this bc its too much details soon

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palms-upturned · 2 years

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Needed to listen to some music while I did the dishes and for some reason picked “von” from the zankyou no terror soundtrack and jesus god. Experiencing emotions that don’t exist.

#meg talks #i don’t think i ever rewatched znt #i watched it back in like 2014 or 2015 the one time and the ending made me so sad i never revisited it #but god. i went back and watched the ferris wheel scene just now and it’s such a great scene on its own #but von just Makes It u know. yoko kanno you never fucking miss #i need to rewatch it just for the music. god.#but anyway i don’t think i rlly appreciated the ferris wheel scene as a youngun #i mean i must have to some degree bc it’s like the only scene from the whole show that i remember lmfao #but watching it this time… god… ‘’you don’t have to apologize anymore. it’s not your fault.’’#and the quiet way he just goes to work even tho he knows it won’t change anything… the love in that…#and how lisa’s fear just vanishes when she realizes what it means that someone loves her enough to die for her and doesn’t even blame her…#like just hearing that and feeling loved so completely made her no longer afraid to die bc it was all she ever wanted. god. jesus fucking ch #anyway it gave me some evil ideas about cunoesse and ruby of all things. no i won’t elaborate bc the context is all in my brain #but like imagine i wrote a sweeping epic about ruby klaasje and cunoesse all on the lam #and it was awesome and sad.#idk maybe if anyone wants to hear me word vomit in dms or smth i will but it’s too embarrassing to try to explain LDKSHSGDJ #anyway. the dishes did get done in case u were wondering. just very somberly

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faaun · 2 years

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i feel rly irredeemably horrible rn...longing for emotional support....anyway vent in tags

#physically i feel so ill etc . and i have to catch up on so much #and i just got a grade back for an assignment and it wasnt a 1st and literally almost . cried bc #it rly was supposed 2 be. i dont have my housing sorted out for next yr and i am rly worried #i look hideous rn bc my face is rly swollen and it was a fat transfer so u dont get to see results for like #6 months but mostly the swelling should settle in like a month but that means i will just look #kind of monsterous for a while. i cant do archery anymore bc it involves heavy weights ig which im supposed to not do #and its like as soon as i find smth i like it is taken away...i feel . like shit. etc. and according to the clinic it is Not Normal to be #so weak. have to get lasik in a few days while still recovering from transfer + nose surgery so i literally #feel like my body is going to give out but also idk if i will find time to catch up on stuff etc i feel likr my brain is rotting #i basically have no support system rn except my gf bc my friends are all so busy w their own stuff #which is also v bad. like i cannot rely on her as my sole source of emotional support #feels like academics etc have taken a backseat this yr so far and that is Horrible like i need that to not be the case #but im too nauseous and weak etc to sit up for prolonged periods of time taking notes #taking 7 antibiotics a day etc..idk . i have to travel 6hrs #tmrw then have lasik on monday then travel back 6hrs the same afternoon or tuesday morning #like i legit already feel like my body is giving out idk how i will do this. and i feel so incredibly alone throughout #all of this . idk.#genuinely i am turning into a black hole and if things get bad again i will lose it . i hate this feeling i hate the #marked loneliness that comes b4 things spiral downwards and this feels like it #that was a lot ✌️ anyway if any1 has any advice or words to share or anytjing to say ever pls do #i need human interaction soooo badly #personal

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